#and if thats your goal thats great
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is it just me or if the thinspo isn't like disordered as in looking built through a sustainable diet and lifestyle then it doesn't really work on me... like yes you have abs and are built af but i know i wont get there by starving so if anything its more like "recoveryspo" or whatever you call it cuz it's like YES skinny, but not DISORDERED.
#ajax posts ཋྀ#ajax rants ཋྀ#ajax ed ཋྀ#PRAYING THIS DOESNT SOUND RUDE.#and if thats your goal thats great#io js feel like if i eat less than 700 cals a day i wont be built yk#tw ed#ed rant#ana rant#ana bullshit#tw ana rant#tw ed ana#tw ana bløg#boy ana
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Leafs vs Rangers | 4.13.23
#toronto maple leafs#mitch marner#egifs#hockeyedit#did anyone order the sad mitch marner???? anyone?/#not to overproject here but just. fuckin g IMAGINE coming that close......#and then... ur team wins. and hits 50 wins for the second time. and yay rah rah its a group win and ur going out on a high#but u personally fall short again#after years before.. being on pace for even MORE points.. and here u have a season where u stayed completely healthy... played 80 fucking#games and only missed 2 for load management and you cant even pull it off when u need to most#on the verge of even more greatness.. when its felt like YOUR YEAR..... .. so close to being just the fucking 4th maple leaf in history....#bruh thats so fucking sad. im so sad for him.... mitch is someone who says what he needs to say in the media but#admitting that its something he wants. clearly.... a personal goal and not being able to do it.... having to turn around and be happy for a#anyway. im just gonna go write essays to myself abt mitch marner and falling short (or at least FEELING that way)#(when its personal goals u set urself and ur trying to join greats but its never good enjougjkd.. u can never break THROUGH)#this years ur year mitch. its comng for u in the playoffs#anyway. sorry
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It's all in the eyes
#he is sooooo pretty 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍#what a great great FANTASTIC picture of him#the tiny smile#kind warm compassionate eyes#full of love for his country honour for what he is and dedication for his goals#but also so tired#so so so tired and exhausted#and stil holding on being strong enduring perserving#its like hes looking right into your soul#and you can look into his#and what youll see is not only one of the greatest leaders#but also one of the finest human beings ever lived#thats how the world should remember him all of it is summarized in this picture
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hello guys <3 i've been absent for a looooong while but i want to know, how have you been doing?!
#i have some news on my part :)#namely being 4 days away from finally finishing med school!! and then there's only the board exam left to do and i'll finally start practic#the studies have really taken up almost my whole time and drawing has been shift to like...... fourth or fifth plan :/#regardless. i dont regret it because im currently loving what im studying. everything finally seems like its falling in place#if u remember the fwb situation ive mentioned a few times here before as well. thats also taking up a lot of my time ahah turns out#we really enjoy being around each other and always end up making time in our schedules to be together during the week so....#even though were technically not a item hes been great company and great inspiration. its amazing when you have someone who respects#and supports you and your dreams and pushes you towards your goals and towards being better#yeah. everythings feeling like its falling in place in my life and it has been feeling great :)
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"my interpretation is more meaningful than yours" this "___ piece of media is objectively bad" that. yeah, well have you considered I'm having fun? 🤨 have you considered that I strive to be joyful rather than striving to prove the worth of my opinions? 🙄
#analysis of meaning is great but dont let art elitism/perfectionism convince you you need to have the ultimate and perfect#reading or interpretation#or that the joy and entertainment you derive from a piece of media is directly correlated with how intellectual you can be about it#sometimes the goal is just entertainment#and thats okay#this is not to discourage media literacy or criticism of any kind#but it is to discourage people making others feel bad for not being#'smart enough to understand the TRUE interpretation of xyz'#like some of you are starting to sound like rick and morty 'you need a high IQ for this show' dudebros#esp when you say shit like 'cant ppl do better analysis then a 3rd grader' for shit that literally comes down to personal opinion#like ik some ppl miss the entire point of a piece very often and i find that frustrating too#but lets be real some of yall just attack other peoples interpretations cause they contradict your own#and not cause theyre actually problematic or misinterpretations#'a nihilist reading of this character is much more meaningful than an autistic reading' what if i killed you#both is good. jesus i thought yall liked bisexuals.#I AM SLAPPING A COEXIST STICKER ON YOUR FOREHEAD but instead of religious symbols its fandom#multiple readings can exist at once please ppl for gods sake#fandom#long notes#important
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Happy New Year!! 🎊
#🥭 mango speaks#( my goal is to be online at least for an hour a day )#( going hardcore with my diet and exercise this year )#( couldn't go for a run because theres ice on the ground. )#( but i got to eat tteokbokki today and thats always a recipe for a good day )#( hope your first day was great! )#( oh! and this is the year i'm gonna be full of tattoos! tiny ones cuz i can't pay for big ones )#( still thinking about izumi's insignia on my chest. )
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hello everyone! now that team picking is out i wanted to say that i am participating in artfight for the first time this year on team werewolves! (its the color blue. i love the color blue.)
you can find my profile here! https://artfight.net/~crescentfool
#lizzy speaks#lizzy does art#<- sort of! because the art on the left is new LOL#im very excited though! i've wanted a chance to draw more splatoon related stuff and i think art fight would be a great way to-#discover other peoples ocs. i mostly just want the additional practice idrc if i dont get attacked back or w/e#i feel kinda bad bc i wanted to focus on making stickers but then artfight came up so.. im shifting my goals 4 now lol#after artfight though.. nothing can stop me#art is a bit weird for me rn just because i've gotten such a huge surge of motivation back at the start of this month-#but at the same time there's a lot of projects and things i want to do that im like... uh how do One Commit#so im trying my best to take it one thing at a time!!! and i hope you all who are doing art stuff feel at peace with your process#also i feel like this should go w/o saying but i am not guaranteed to attack back but yknow#in my head im gonna do So Many Cool things for artfight but also a part of me knows i might just take a break to draw fan art n thats fine!#anyway bye i cant believe we're halfway through the year! can you believe it? yeah! me neither! explosion!
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Like I just cannot get over how much of a fucking irritating self insert Mary Sue perfect centre of everything suddenly protagonist Clara was. She was absolutely beyond insufferable. I can't believe this I thought it was just me being a 12 year old with internalised misogyny that made me hate her so much but I think I actually hate her more now??? She's appallingly written. I'm going to string moffat up by his throat.
#clara hate#doctor who#look im just saying. she sucks shes fuckijg horrible this is literally just moffat jerking himself off with this character who like#does more than any other character including the doctor has ever done in the show before. like its fully enoby d'arkness#'im not a mary su i hav flaws ok see i hav deprssion'#except her flaws are like that shes too good at everything and too perfect#because the flaws she has which can be great flaws if theyre actually well written just. never seem to have any fucking stakes.#there are never any consequences to her actions shes always perfect and she always wins good fucking job#i would like her more if she ever actually genuinely suffered but she never seems to???#thats the whole point of flaws. they hurt you and prevent you from achieving your goal#where does she get stopped. never.#bitch cant even die right
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I finally played Firewatch the other day and it wasn't what I expected but I still enjoyed it, and I felt a little conflicted at the end but ultimately decided I liked what it was doing even if I think it didn't do it perfectly
and then when I was looking up an answer to a plot question I had I kept finding people whining and groaning about it being a bad game, and two things
why is it that when I don't like a short indie game for specific reasons I cannot find anyone who seems to share that opinion with me, but when I do enjoy a short indie game all the gamerbro reviewers are climbing out of the weeds to explain their specific reason for not enjoying it??
one of the negative comments I saw said something to the effect that it 'did not give [them] any reason to explore around' and i just-. i dont-. i need gamer bros to understand that if they're not naturally curious, if they're not naturally driven to explore the spaces around them, maybe stop playing games that use exploration and natural curiosity as one of the main driving mechanics
#like they werent even saying that firewatch doesn't reward you enough for exploring which COULD be a statement i agree with!#i think it needed more narrative/substantial payoff for some of the exploration it invited!#but it DOES openly invite you to explore and rewards you with interesting details if you do so!#one of the best payoffs for that game was getting to the ending and going 'aHA i KNEW i heard metal chimes earlier!!'#anyway the exploration thing is also a huge driving mechanic of Outer Wilds#and Ive seen negative comments on that being like 'idk what to do theres no clear goal blahblahblah im a boring gamer'#like. look around!! explore!! thats literally how the game works!!#i know gamers love being given tasks to do but one of the great things about OW is that it DOESNT give you tasks to do#it just presents a space and a reality and you get to decide what you want to do within that space#and due to the genius of its design almost every player is going to end up with the same end goal!#which the game NEVER assigns but which you naturally gravitate to due to the results of your exploration!#anyway. exploration games. love them. cant understand the subset of gamers who hate them but i know they exist
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god this is so devastatingly real. I am trying to find a job in mechanical engineering and y'all wouldn't believe how straight up nearly impossible it is to find a company or organization that DOES NOT take military contracts. it's one of very few hard lines I've drawn for my career and I can count on one hand the number of companies I've found that aren't somehow involved with the military. meanwhile the amount of times I've been talking with a representative and they start fucking bringing up military contracts? including a fucking environmental protection organization??? innumerable. I want to go back in time and choose a different career
#this isn't what I wanted. it was never what I wanted and thats fucking saying something#bc I've wanted to go into engineering since well before I stopped parroting my dad's conservative bullshit#middle school me probably would hate adult me so so much but I think we'd find common ground on this one#the end goal was never killing people.#really great feeling to choose a promising career and be constantly told how important your job is to making people's lives better#just to find out that was a fucking lie all along! really really great feeling. love it here. living the dream. (/s if it wasn't obvious)
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Hello! Can I order a Dae Ho one-shot? about the reader who comes to the game pregnant and meets Dae Ho there and they have some kind of connection and he tells her that when they get out of there he would like to be with her and the baby.
thank you and happy new year <3
*slams bell* ORDER UP! (im sorry that was so cringey)
THE THREE OF US || kang dae-ho
pairing: Kang Dae-ho x f!reader
summary: Trying to make it out of the games with both you and your baby's lives, you meet a man who is determined to help.
word count: 6.3k (i did not expect it to be this long thats what she said)
warnings: pregnancy, guns, death, blood, squid game stuff
A/N: i love jun-hee, but the reader replaces her in this fic. reader has no connection to myung-gi (333). if you find any mistakes no you didn't <3
Part 2: After the Games
The second game is about to start, and time is running out for you to find a team. You've approached a few groups, but have been turned away by all of them. Turns out most groups don't want women on their team.
Out of the corner of your eye you spot the man who had won these games before, along with the man who beat up those other players the day before. Figuring you might as well take a shot, you approach them.
Just as you get to them, a handsome man comes running over, pulling a player along behind him. "Sir! I got someone! He'll definitely risk his life to win."
The man he brought salutes the others. "Victory at all costs!"
The shorter man in the group, player 390, smiles and salutes back. "Hey, were you in the Marines?"
"Class 946, sir!"
Player 390 laughs. "Boy, with three ex-Marines, we'll be invincible." He turns to players 001 and 456. "What do you think? I like him."
Great, you think to yourself. Now they get to pick between an ex-Marine and a woman who can barely stand for more than 20 minutes at a time. Still though, this is a good team, and you'll be damned if you don't at least try.
"Excuse me," you say, getting the group's attention. "Please let me join your team."
Player 390 speaks up. "Sorry, we've already got five people."
Fuck it. Time to pull out the big guns.
"Please help me," you plead, leaning back a bit and putting your hand up to your swollen belly. "I'm pregnant."
All five men grow silent as they look down to your stomach.
<>
"Time for team selection is up."
You can feel the stares of your new team on you as the second game is announced. You just look forward, trying to listen to voice.
"The game you will be playing is Six-Legged Pentathlon. You will start with your legs tied together. Each player will take turns playing a mini-game at every ten-meter mark, and if you win, the team can move on to the next one. Here are the mini games. Number one, Ddakji. Number two, Flying Stone. Number three, Gong-gi. Number four, Spinning Top. Number five, Jegi. Your goal is to win all the mini-games and cross the finish line in five minutes. Please decide players for each mini-game."
Player 390 turns to his friend. "It's good that we got a woman." He turns to you. "You can play Gong-gi, right?"
You give him a sorry look as you shake your head.
His smile falters. "Don't girls play Gong-gi anymore?"
You look down at the sand. "I've played it, but I was never good at it."
You can see the disappointment on his face as he nods.
Player 388 takes a deep breath as he turns toward 390. "Actually, I can play Gong-gi."
390 gives him a confused look. "You? And ex-Marine?"
You give 390 a weird look. Is it really that hard to believe that a military man has played a kid's game before?
388 gets embarrassed. "I grew up with four older sisters. I used to play it with them from time to time."
You smile, thinking it's sweet that he used to play games with his sisters.
390 claps him on the back. "That's right. There's nothing a Marine can't do."
Player 456 leans forward to look at all of you. "Everyone else, what game are you confident playing?"
You take a deep breath. Jegi was the game you were best at growing up, but you don't think you'll be able to play it in your condition. You lean forward as well. "I can play Ddakji. At the subway station I flipped the guy's on my first try."
390 nods. "Okay. Miss 222, you can play Ddakji. I'll play Flying Stone. I was a pitcher for my baseball team. I'm good at throwing."
As 456 and 001 decide who will play Jegi and who will play Spinning Top, 388 turns to you.
"Did you really beat him on the first try? It took me at least eight."
You breathe out a laugh and give him a small smile. "Yeah. I probably could have paid off my debt if he had let us keep playing." Your smile falters as you rest your hand on your swollen stomach. "It would have been safer for the baby."
388 frowns sympathetically and scoots a bit towards you. "We will get out of here. And after that, we will go home. You and your baby will be safe."
Although you don't completely believe him, you still give him a smile and thank him for his kind words.
You feel movement in your stomach and let out a small yelp at the unexpected feeling, looking down towards your hand.
"Are you alright? What happened?" 388 asks, concern clear on his face.
With a smile, you lift your head to look at him and the others who have directed their attention to you. "I felt the baby kick."
Player 388 breaks out into a smile as he looks to your belly, seemingly fascinated by what is happening inside of you.
Player 001 lets out a loud laugh. "The baby wants to play Jegi."
You let out a chuckle as the men laugh. You made a good choice asking these players for help.
"All right guys, bring your hands together," 390 says, sticking his hand out in front of him. "All together now."
You need to scoot over a bit, but you put your hand on the pile on top of 388's, who gives you a shy smile.
"On three, we go, 'Victory at all costs.' One, two, three..."
"Victory at all costs!"
<>
The walls open and forklifts are brought in holding boxes with pink bows on top. You watch as the bodies of both teams are separated from each other and placed into each box. One team had made it past the fourth mini-game, while the other had only just finished the second. Both teams were executed.
The bodies are eventually cleared out, but the blood remains on the track. The second team lines up and you recognize the sweet old lady who had given you her egg this morning, as well as her son. Shit, you really hope they make it.
The gun fires and they're off. The first girl, player 095, looks so nervous I'm worried she won't be able to throw the Ddakji. Her first three attempts fail, and she looks as though she won't be able to continue. Player 120 whispers something to her and she nods. She picks up the Ddakji, turns in over in her hand, and smacks it to the floor. Success.
The group celebrates as they move on, and you make a mental note of that little trick for when it's your turn.
Next is player 007, the son. He throws the stone and misses. Instead of panicking like the past groups, they quickly grab the stone and move backwards to the line, saving lots of time. As 007 is preparing to throw the stone again, his mother whispers something to him. A look of anger washes over his face.
"That asshole ruined my fucking life!"
A perfect hit. The entire crowd cheers as they advance to the next mini-game. You smile to yourself. They can do this.
Next is the mother playing Gong-gi. She drops her first two tries. You're guessing it must be at least a few decades since she last played.
"Old hag! What are you doi-"
Player 120 puts her hand over player 044's mouth to shut her up.
You watch as 007 speaks to his mother. With a new look of determination in her eyes, she blasts through Gong-gi until she needs to make the final catch. You and player 388 sit on your heels to get a better look. Her son speaks to her again, and face turns to one of rage.
"Rotten bitch!"
All five pieces end up in her hand.
"She did it!" Player 390 says, getting to his feet, 388 following after him. You try to get up but fall back as you lose your balance. Player 388 notices and holds your arms to help you up, keeping a hand on your back to keep you steady as you stand to watch the next game.
044 fumbles the top as she's wrapping it, but quickly retrieves it and tries again. She fumbles a few more times before stopping. Her team freaks out as she stands there mumbling to herself.
A gasp rings out through the crowd as 120 slaps 044 twice, picking up the fallen top and pointing it threateningly at 044's eye.
"Oh shit," you say under your breath.
Player 044 wipes away the blood streaming from her nose and tries again the wrap the string around the top. She gets it on her first throw and the crowd screams in joy as they move to the next one. Everyone is standing now to watch, chanting along to each step.
Player 120 is handed the Jegi and requests that everyone turns around. Not wanting to mess them up, everyone turns without hesitation. The room is silent besides the sound of the Jegi hitting 120's shoes.
Once. Twice. Three times. Four times. Five times.
It's done! They did it!
The rooms bursts into screams as the team crosses the finish line at the last second. You turn and hug 388 in pure joy as he jumps up and down. He quickly pulls away so he doesn't do anything to harm the baby, but keeps his arm around you as he celebrates with 390.
The teams keep going, with everyone celebrating the wins and wincing at the gunfire until it is finally your turn.
As you walk to the starting position, a hand gently grabs your wrist and you turn to see player 388. "Make sure to be careful. Take it easy and don't strain yourself."
You nod with a small smile and thank him, taking your spot in the outer ring of the small track. You take deep breaths as the harnesses are secured around your ankles.
"It's a little sad that we have no audience, isn't it?" 390 says, worry in his voice. He nudges 388. "Hey, are you scared?"
"No sir!" 388 yells, making you jump a bit as you were not expecting it. "It's quiet and easier to focus without anyone watching."
390 looks towards the other team. "Hey guys! We'll see you again at the finish line! Victory at all costs!"
The other team yells back their thanks and support before the pistol is fired and you're off.
When you approach the first mini-game, you take the blue tile and turn it over in your hand to match 095's. Throwing it hard at the floor, you yell in delight as the red tile flips over.
You move on to the next game, holding your stomach as you walk.
As 390 takes the stone, 388 yells out "Let's get this done the first time! I believe in you!"
"When I played baseball, my pitches might have been slow, but I had excellent ball control." You watch as the stones collide and yell out in victory as you move to the next one.
388 takes the Gong-gi pieces and you all crouch down.
390 faces him. "Dae-ho, stay calm. Even if you mess up..."
Player 388, or Dae-ho, puts his finger over his mouth to shush him before facing the board, rolling his wrist a few times and dropping the pieces. As quickly as he can, Dae-ho flawlessly gets through the game and catches all five pieces. You and your team members look at each other in awe of what you just watched. It seems that even Dae-ho can't believe he did it.
He lets out a scream as the guard confirms that he passed.
"That was amazing!" Player 390 yells. "Dae-ho, my boy!"
As you move to the fourth mini game, Player 390 looks down at you. "You're expecting, so be careful."
You nod but try to keep your pace, leaning on the small green table once you get to where you need to be.
As player 001 wraps the string around the top, Dae-ho bounces excitedly. "We might get through everything on the first attempt!"
Player 001 throws the top and it falls lazily to the floor as you all frown.
"It's okay, we have enough time," 456 says. "Let's go pick it up. Ready, go."
You all move forward together to grab the top. "No fun passing everything without a hitch," 390 says.
"That's right," 388 confirms. "You can't grow without failure, right?"
You guess he's right, but it would've been nice to pass everything easily. At least you still have three minutes left.
001 grabs the top and you move back to your spots. On his next throw you watch helplessly as the top flies behind your group. You would have laughed in any other situation.
Player 001 apologizes and you move back to grab the top, with 001 taking his sweet time to pick it up. To save time, he tries wrapping it as you walk forward again, but he breaks out of the arm link in frustration. This time he throws it as soon as it is wrapped. It doesn't spin, but at least it lands directly in front of him so you don't have to move again.
Player 456 picks up the top as 001 sighs in frustration. "What the hell is wrong with me?" He screams and you gasp when he starts slapping himself and calling himself an idiot.
456 takes his arms to stop him. "Try to remember the times when you had fun playing this."
001 nods and takes the top and string again. You take the time to look at the clock and feel a wave of worry wash over you when you see that you have less than a minute left. This time, 001 throws the top with his left hand and it spins perfectly on its axle.
You yell in joy as you quickly links arms again and move to the last game. Player 390 checks on you again as you move, and you just wave him off. The stress can't be good for the baby, but it's definitely not as bad as a bullet.
456 grabs the jegi and moves the pink soldier out of the way. He throws it up.
One hit. Two hits. Three hits. Four hits...
You watch in horror as the jegi flies in front of 456. Quickly, 001 kicks his foot out, making you all almost fall as the jegi lands on top of 456's left foot.
"Pass."
You all yell out victoriously and quickly move, crossing the finish line with a second to spare.
As you're all hugging each other, you flinch at the sounds of gunshots coming from the other side of the room. The other team didn't make it.
The main room is oddly quiet as you walk in. As happy as everyone was to see people pass while watching the games, they don't seem to be very happy about it now. Player 390 next to you waves at someone, and you look in the direction to see the woman and her son.
"That sweet old lady," he says with a smile. "I miss my mom."
You smile at the lady and bow your head to her as she gives you a big smile and two thumbs up.
As you sit down to rest and wait for the pink soldiers, 001 speaks up. "I'm sorry about earlier, everyone."
"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have made the last kick," 456 says and you nod.
001 looks at you. "Player 222, are you feeling alright?"
You nod. "Yes. Thank you all for letting me be on your team."
Dae-ho smiles shyly and nods.
"She smashed that ddakji and flipped it on her first try, that was impressive," 390 says, making you smile at the praise. "She did great, even while carrying a baby. We were lucky she joined our team."
Dae-ho nods. "What about your Flying Stone play? You hit it with one shot! With an underhand pitch at that! Bam!" You let out a small laugh as he reenacts 390's throw. "You were like Kim Byung-hyun."
"And you?" 390 says. "Was Gong-gi the only game you ever played?" He quickly moves his hand around to imitate Dae-ho. "I could barely see your hand. It was like a martial arts movie."
Dae-ho laughs. "I'm the only son for two generations. My mom only let me play at home with my sisters."
"And yet they let their precious son join the Marines?" 390 questions.
Dae-ho hesitates. "My father's idea, he wanted me to be more of a man. He fought in the Vietnam War, you see."
"He sounds like a great man," 390 says and Dae-ho nods. "Was he a Marine, too?"
You can see the discomfort on Dae-ho's face and he quickly excuses himself from answering the question, instead standing up to face everyone. "Listen. Perhaps we should learn each other's names. I still don't know your names, gentlemen." He smiles a bit more when he looks to you. "Or your's, Miss. I'll start. I'm Kang Dae-ho. 'Dae' means 'big', 'ho' means 'tiger'."
"'Big tiger.' Cool name," 390 says. "My name is Park Jung-bae. 'Righteous' and 'twice'. My parents wanted me to be twice as righteous."
You go next, stating your name for the group. "I don't know what it means, though."
001 says your name, getting your attention. "When you get out of here, go see a doctor right away. You've been under a lot of stress. You need to get yourself checked out."
You nod. "Okay."
"I'm Oh Young-il," 001 says. He points out how it sounds like his number and the group laughs at the coincidence. Young-il turns to 456. "Oh, Gi-hun, what's your last name?"
"My name is Seong Gi-hun," Gi-hun says.
"'Seong' literally means 'last name'," Young-il laughs aloud by himself.
A loud buzz is heard and the guards enter the room. After revealing the results of the game and announcing the next vote, your team turns to each other.
You look down at the red X on your track suit, and look up to see the blue 'O' on Dae-ho's. He sees your gaze and frowns down at his patch.
"I'm telling you, we'll get out this time," he says to the team, though he is mainly looking at you. He looks down at his patch again and curses under his breath. "A Marine should think strategically and know when to retreat." He puts a hand on Jung-bae's shoulder. "Isn't that right, brother?"
"Yeah, you're right," Jung-bae says weakly. "Marines aren't invincible. We should get out." Despite saying this, the look on his face and the nervousness in his tone contradict his words.
"We have to end the games here," Gi-hun says. He turns to look at you. "I will help you guys when we get out. Please trust me and support this vote."
You smile and nod in thanks.
"Guys, all huddle up again," Dae-ho smiles as he sticks out his hand.
"Victory at all costs."
<>
You frown as the buzzer goes off one last time. There had been some... complications during the voting. This lead to the final vote being 116 for X and 139 for O. Standing next to Dae-ho, you don't miss the look of betrayal on his face as he looks over to Jung-bae with the blue patch on his chest.
Dae-ho lets out a loud sigh as you eat your bread. "Brother! Brother Jung-bae!"
You can see Jung-bae tense up from his spot behind the beds.
With a sigh, Dae-ho stands up and approaches the man. "Hey, just come back here."
"No, I'm good here," you hear Jung-bae answer. You roll your eyes.
"Oh, come on." Dae-ho grabs Jung-bae and drags him to face the group.
He stops and stares at you all before speaking. "I'm sorry. I borrowed some emergency cash, and the creditors are harassing my ex-wife and kid. If I play one more game, I think I'll be able to settle my debt."
"Jung-bae," Young-il addresses the man sadly. "You of all people shouldn't have done it. It's not twice as righteous." He sighs before continuing. "But, looking at the results, even if you had voted against, we would still have been outvoted."
Jung-bae jumps at this. "Right? It's not entirely my fault."
"Alright," Dae-ho steps up. "To be honest, I understand why you did it. The money isn't enough for me either, so when I went up to vote, I did think about playing one more game."
Jung-bae hugs the man. "You did?"
Dae-ho pushes him away. "I said I get it."
The shorter man turns back to the group. "Thank you for understanding. But I voted in favor partly because I feel confident. We did so well as a team, didn't we? If we stick together one more time, I'm sure we'll be fine." He turns to you. "I'll make sure we survive the next game-"
"'The next game'?" Gi-hun cuts him off. "In the next game, we might have to kill each other."
There is silence before Young-il speaks up. "Gi-hun, that's a bit much. There's nothing we can do now, so let's try to stay positive. We should eat, pull ourselves together, and try our best again." He picks up his milk and hands it to you. "Here, you can have mine too. Hang in there until the next game."
You shake your head. "No, that's okay."
"Take it. I don't drink plain milk."
You thank him as you take the milk.
Jung-bae takes the bread out of his pocket. "Have my bread, too. I don't deserve to eat."
You smile as you take it. You have been feeling hungry and one piece of bread would definitely not be enough for you, so you're grateful for the men around you.
"I'll take your milk then," Dae-ho says to Jung-bae.
Before you can stop yourself, a loud laugh escapes from your mouth. The others smile before laughing along as well. You look over to Dae-ho to see a blush covering his face as he smiles.
<>
"Pass it to me."
The guys hand each other mattresses as they move them to under the beds. You had been put in charge of collecting blankets and pillows so you wouldn't strain yourself.
"Is this really necessary?" Jung-bae asks. "I don't like sleeping under there."
"Once the lights go out, somebody might attack us," Gi-hun says as he pushes another mattress under a bed frame.
"What?" Dae-ho asks. "Who?"
"The prize money still goes up if we kill each other. It's part of the game they designed."
"Gi-hun, I think you're overreacting here," Young-il says. "Even if that were true, people wouldn't do that."
Gi-hun turns to face him. "In the previous games, dozens of people killed each other at night. Right here. You have no idea how people can change in this place."
Young-il apologizes and you hand the blankets in your arms to Jung-bae.
"We need to take turns keeping watch after lights-out," Gi-hun says. "I'll take the first, you should decide the order for the rest."
The order decided was that Jung-bae would take over after Gi-hun, then Dae-ho, then Young-il would be last. You tried to volunteer to keep watch but they immediately shot you down, saying you needed the rest more than them.
<>
After a trip to the bathroom with players 149 and 120, whose names you still did not know, you come back to find Dae-ho keeping watch. You try to quickly wipe the tear stains from your cheeks as you walk back to the makeshift shelter. You give a quick nod to Dae-ho before trying to move past him, but he calls out your name, making you stop and turn to look at him.
He looks up at you with concern. "Are you okay?"
You put on a smile and nod. "Yes, I'm fine." As you try to walk away you feel his hand gently grab your wrist to stop you.
"No you're not," he says. You sigh, upset that you've been caught. He moves to the side to give you space and you sit next to him, figuring you're not gonna get out of this. "What happened? Was it the baby?"
You shake your head, feeling tears start to well up again. "It's everything." You put your head in your hands. "I never should have played Ddakji with that guy, I never should have called the number, I should have just stayed at home and prepared for the baby."
Dae-ho gently rubs your back as you cry into your sleeves. Even though you really only just met, he feels connected to you. Maybe it's just because you survived the second game together, but he cares for you and doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. He was stunned when you had walked up to the group before the game and asked to join, immediately regretting picking anyone besides the beautiful stranger that was standing in front of him.
"What about your husband?" Dae-ho asks. "Does he know that you're here?"
You shake your head. "I don't have a husband. I don't even have a boyfriend. It's just me and the baby." You turn to look at him and although he's too kind to ask you how you got knocked up, you can see the question all over his face. "My ex-boyfriend is the reason I got into so much debt. He made a lot of bad investments and when he ran out of his own money, he started using mine. When I told him I was pregnant, he freaked out and left. Didn't even say anything, his stuff was just all gone one day."
Dae-ho feels himself getting angry at this. If he found out a man had done this with one of his sisters, he would do something to him that would probably land him in prison. It takes two people to make a baby. Just because the mother is the one that carries it doesn't mean that the father isn't responsible for the child.
"He's a fucking coward," Dae-ho says, making you snort a small laugh. "And he's an idiot to leave you."
"It's for the best, though," you say. "He wasn't a good boyfriend, I knew that even while we were dating. But he was my first love, and we all do stupid things the first time we're in love." Dae-ho nods, watching as you bring your hand to rest on your stomach. "I only wish that my child would have a father in their life."
"They will have an amazing mother, though," he says, making you smile.
"I hope so," you rub your swollen belly. "Hey, Dae-ho, can I ask you something?"
Dae-ho nods, looking at you with intrigue.
"Earlier you told Jung-bae that you had thought about voting to stay. Why didn't you?" You ask.
The man takes a deep breath. "Honestly, I thought of you. You and your baby. When you told us that you're pregnant, it really hit me that I'm not the only person in here, that there are other lives at risk. If you died, it wouldn't just be the end of your life. Your baby doesn't deserve that. You don't deserve that."
You can't help the smile that blooms on your face at his words, as well as the small blush. "Thank you for thinking of me. You're a very sweet person, Kang Dae-ho." You watch as he gives you a shy smile, a light dusting of pink on his face. "What about you? Do you have a girlfriend waiting for you back home?"
He shakes his head. "No, just me." You give him an incredulous look and he chuckles. "Dating wasn't easy while in the Marines, and I guess I just never found anyone that interested me enough after."
You let out a small laugh. "Sounds like you have high standards."
He chuckles. "I'm just waiting to find the one. They say that when you know, you know."
"That's going to be one very lucky girl," you say, watching as the blush on his face deepens. "I hope you find her soon."
"I can't explain why, but I feel like I will." He smiles down at you with a look that makes your heart skip a beat. After a few moments he takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry I've kept you up for so long, you should get some sleep. You'll likely need your energy for tomorrow's game."
You nod, standing up. "You're right, I've been up too long." You start to move towards your mattress, but stop. "It was nice talking to you, Dae-ho."
He smiles at you. "Goodnight."
You smile back. "Goodnight."
For the rest of his watch, Dae-ho sneaks peaks at your sleeping form, a warm feeling running through him when he thinks about your words.
<>
You awake to the feeling of someone shaking you. Groggily opening your eyes, you see Dae-ho leaning over you.
"The next game is starting soon, we need to get up," he says.
You hear the classical music that has played before every game and nod, allowing him to help you get out of bed. "Nothing to start the day off like a sadistic game and fearing for your life, huh?"
Dae-ho lets out a chuckle as you make your way to the doors. He walks behind you on the stairs to make sure you don't fall, and stands right by your side as the curtains are opened to reveal the game room.
"Welcome to your third game. The game you will be playing is Mingle. All players, please step onto the center platform. When the game starts, the platform will begin to rotate, and you will hear a number. You must form groups of that size, go into the rooms, and close the door within 30 seconds."
"Oh, this game?" Jung-bae says. "We used to play something similar on school trips. We formed groups by hugging."
"I played it too," you say. "But we would hold hands instead."
Together you set up a strategy. If the number is five, you'll all go together. If it's more than five, you'll grab however many people we need. If it's smaller than five, you'll break off into groups. When your strategy is done, you put your hands in the center.
"Victory at all costs."
<>
"Let the game begin."
The platform jerks as it starts rotating, and you almost lose your balance, but Dae-ho is there to grab you and steady you on your feet.
"Ten."
Everyone starts looking around like mad as they try to find ten players.
Gi-hun looks to a player behind him. "How many are you?"
"Four," the woman replies. You recognize her as one of the women who came to the bathroom with you last night.
"That makes us nine!" Jung-bae says.
A man from another group comes running over. "Are you five? We need five!"
Before any of you can answer, another player yells back. "We have five people! Come with us!"
The two groups go running off towards a door.
"We have to hurry!" Gi-hun says.
"There's no time, Gi-hun!" Young-il tells him.
"We need one more!" the tall woman yells. She spots someone by herself near the center of the platform and grabs her. "We have ten!"
"Room 44! Green door! Hurry!" Young-il yells, already running off in the direction of the door.
You run as fast as you can towards the door as Young-il holds it open for everyone to get inside. You feel Dae-ho's hand on the small of your back the entire way to the room. Before you get the chance to even think, the clock runs out, and the lock clicks on the door.
Screams and gunshots can be heard from behind the door, the sad fate of those who didn't make it in time.
Dae-ho turns to you, putting his hands on your shoulders. "How are you feeling? Is everything okay?"
"A bit out of breath, but I'm okay," you say, and he nods. Taking the chance to look around the room, you see that the other five is the first group that passed the pentathlon the day before.
"You're alive thanks to me!" Player 044 yells out, making you jump. She looks over everyone before stopping on you and stepping closer, making you take a step back. Dae-ho holds you close to him as the woman looks down at your stomach. She then looks up at Dae-ho and gives him a knowing smirk before leaving to speak to Gi-hun.
You look up at Dae-ho, who is still holding you to his chest. He watches the woman walk away before look down at you, your faces so close that your noses are only a few inches apart.
Once the bodies are removed from the playing area, you're let out of the room and make your way back to the center platform. The next round is four people to a room, and Young-il goes off on his own to find three more as the rest of you run to a room with a purple door.
Once you're let out, Dae-ho and Jung-bae yell for Young-il before a voice calling Gi-hun's name grabs your attention. You look over with relief to see Young-il jogging up to your group.
"I knew you were going to be okay!" Jung-bae smiles as he pulls Young-il in for a hug. "I knew it. You're not just anybody."
"I was worried," Gi-hun says. "I'm glad you made it."
Young-il smiles. "I'm a likable guy, so I'm good at games like this." He turns to you. "Are you feeling alright?"
You nod with a smile. "Yes, I'm alright. I'm glad you're back."
Young-il gives you a smile, but his face turns serious. "Wait a minute," Young-il says, "if the next number is six, we won't need anyone else, will we?"
"Why not?" Dae-ho asks.
After a moment, Jung-bae laughs. "Oh, in her tummy?"
Dae-ho lets out a loud laugh. "Right, that makes six."
You smile as they joke around, looking down to your swollen belly.
The next round is three, so you, Dae-ho, and Jung-bae run to a room with an orange door. With every round, you can feel yourself growing more and more tired, and your feet are begging for relief from so much standing and moving.
Once you get out of the green room with Dae-ho and players 120, 095, 007, and 149 (you make a mental note to ask for their names once you're back in the main room), you feel exhausted. As you step onto the platform, Dae-ho grabs your arm to support you.
"Now, the final round will begin."
The platform begins to rotate and you lean on Dae-ho to keep yourself upright.
"What do you think it'll be this time?" Jung-bae leans forward to ask Gi-hun.
"Two," Young-il answers, getting our attention.
"Why?"
"There are 126 people left, and there are 50 rooms. So there won't be enough rooms for everyone, only 100."
"Are you alright?" Dae-ho asks you, concern on his face.
You shake your head. "I don't think I can run anymore."
The platform stops and the lighting dims.
"Two."
Before you can tell what's happening, you are lifted off the ground. You hold on tightly to Dae-ho as he sprints to the nearest door with you in his arms. Once inside, he places you on the ground and moves toward the door, pushing his weight against it to keep anyone else from getting in and pushing you out.
You keep your gaze on the man. He saved your life. He saved your baby's life. Without hesitation. Hell, he even voted to leave for you yesterday. This man who only came into your life a day ago has shown you more unwavering loyalty than anyone else has before.
Then the realization dawns on you: you don't want to do this without him. You don't want anything to happen to him. You want to protect him, just as he is protecting you. Not just in the games, but always.
The lock on the door clicks into place and screams are heard from the other side of the door. Once the screams finish, Dae-ho kneels beside you.
"Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
You shake your head, still in awe of the man in front of you. You examine his face and a surge of confidence rushes through you.
"Can I do something really stupid?"
Dae-ho gives you a confused look. "What?"
You grab his zip-up and pull him to you, planting your lips against his. You feel him stiffen and worry that you've made a terrible mistake, but before you can pull away, you feel one of his hands slide into your hair as the other moves to cup your cheek.
For a perfect moment, you're not in this crazy place. There's no debt, there's no death, there's no fear. There's just you and Dae-ho.
You pull away first but Dae-ho chases your lips, giving you a peck before resting his forehead against yours as you both try to catch your breath.
"I promise you that I am going to get us out of here," he whispers to you. You feel his hand move down to your stomach. "The three of us. If you'll let me."
You gasp at his words, tears forming in your eyes as you nod. This time, you believe him. Dae-ho pulls you in for another kiss and you smile against his mouth, feeling him smile as well.
The sound of the door unlocking gains your attention and Dae-ho pulls away. Voices can be heard beyond the door.
Dae-ho stands up and holds out his hands for you to take, helping you to your feet. He wipes the stray tears from your cheeks and plants a kiss on your forehead before lacing your fingers together and leading you out of the room.
Dae-ho tags: @whatthefuckeryfuckityfuck
Lmk if you want to be added to the Dae-ho taglist!
#dae ho#squid game x reader#daeho#dae-ho#kang dae ho#dae ho x reader#kang daeho x reader#kang daeho#player 388#x reader#squid game fanfic#squid game 2 spoilers#squid game 2#squid game
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Harm Reduction Ideas for Substance Use Disorder
Recently I have been listening to a podcast called The Curbsiders Addiction Medicine. If you are a clinician that works even sometimes with people who use substances (every clinician ever), it is a fantastic look at all the harm reduction practices you can use to make these individuals safer. Plus, you get free CME.
I’m hardly going to do the podcast itself justice with this post, but I wanted to share some things I learned from it:
If the dangers of using substances (social and legal consequences, time commitment, health problems, money problems, etc…) was a deterrent, people wouldn’t be doing it. But it’s not. Because uncontrolled substance use is a chronic disease that generally does not get better without treatment. When people are treated, not only do they generally use less, but they have a much lower chance of death and a much higher chance of a happy, productive life- whatever that means for the patient.
Previously (even a few years ago) we hung such treatment on the requirement that people be abstinent from substances in order to receive help. This works for some people, but far from everyone.
The evidence shows that best thing we can do for many individuals is to make their use safer and less of a burden on their life and health. This is called harm reduction, and it WORKS.
Here are some evidence-based ideas for how to help your patients:
Create a space where you are working together with your patient and following your patient’s lead. Do they want to become abstinent? Great! Do they want to use less or use in a more controlled way? Also great! Do they want to continue use in a safer way? You guessed it, also great! Support them in whatever their goal is
Provide or prescribe safe, clean tools of use. Things like clean needles, Pyrex pipes, and straws. This decreases rates of infection and abscesses
Prescribe medications that reduce cravings or reduce/eliminate withdrawal (methadone, buprenorphine, topiramate, bupropion, naltrexone) without requiring abstinence
Teach people safer use practices and safer routes, such as rectal (booty bumping) or oral (parachuting) instead of injection drug use
Prescribe PrEP if people are at risk of HIV without requiring abstinence
Test for and treat the consequences of substance use (such as HIV and Hep C) without requiring abstinence
Provide fentanyl and xylazine test strips so people know what is in the substances they are using and can adjust doses/use pattern accordingly
Recommend Never Use Alone hotlines to prevent overdose death or better yet, take turns using with a buddy
Prescribe naloxone to anyone who uses any substance- nearly all street drugs are contaminated with synthetic opioids and naloxone is an effective way to prevent deaths
People use substances for a reason, especially early in their journey- pain, coping with depression/other mental illness, ADHD, and social issues like being unhoused. Treat the problem if you can find it, and you can help people significantly decrease use or use in a more controlled way
Be aware that return to use (or return to uncontrolled use) is a thing you can plan for with the patient and manage before it even happens
It’s hard sometimes to change the idea of addiction/substance use disorder as something that can only be treated as a reward for staying sober. But thats why so few people seek treatment for it. The evidence does not equivocate. Harm reduction WORKS.
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SUN AND YOUR PENDING KARMIC GOALS.
Explanation = sun represents soul and self in the astrology with studying about it placement you can get what karmic goal and achievement you need to work on .
1. Sun in 1H/Aries = Aggression is the main point here it can be because in past life you are forced to develop a free will by involving war or you are forced to survive own your own thats the reson you enjoy the cut trusth competition. Your main goal is becoming aware of the unnecessary fighting spirit and take care of other needs .
2. Sun in Taurus/2H = With this placment you have a word which you use often " mine " . You think that your security and you are right place this can also lead you to not cutting your ties in unhappy marriage or environment because you don't learn that you can do better than this . Your pending karma is to learn to self security and trust yourself and make a strong rooted connection with yourself.
3. Sun in Gemini/3H = With this placment i can say in past life you are a publisher or teaching other thing related to spreading words . But it can also show that you are in gossip in past life you can share facts thst you don't even know is real or not just like a repoter. The duality is biggest problem for you . Your karmic goal is to express yourself cleary and fact check that you are communicating with right way .
4. Sun in cancer/ 4H = I don't be surprised if you get stuck in nostalgia often in a day. You take everyone and every relationship on a emotional level and often think and feel clingy to to the thing and person you feel familiar. Possessiveness can be problems here . Your pending karma is you set a stong connection with yourself and heal to the inner level.
5. Sun in leo/5H = You are the natural entertainers and may be tou don't have to work hard for this but you need a recognition from it and if don't get it then it can lead you to don't give people there importance. Your karmic goal is to use your charm in creativity and develop a positive attitude to gain popularity.
6. Sun in virgo/6H = This placment can lead you tobe a taskmaster but hard on yourself as well as on others. And main things that this can also give you fear of faliur. And it can also lead you to hating yourself on little faliur and mistake. The karmic goal is to love yourself and accept yourself regarless any flaws.
7. Sun in libra/7H = You love a place with harmonious and beautiful environment. You know when the things around you is right and when not. And often you find yourself most of the time putting efforts to make things right for others but in this process you can loose yourself. With your need to be liked it can lead you to fit in other standards. Your karmic goal is to takecare yourself in a relationship and find comfort in yourself.
8. Sun in scorpio/ 8H = with this you have a challenge to master the power . You can find yourself attracting a lot of people with your hidden side and charm . You love over power scenarios but it can also lead you again in karmic connection. Your karmic goal is controing is not an option you soul need to involve and invite the great divine.
9. Sun in sagittarius/9H = This make you a great followers of ethic and law and follow the rule but there is always a side when you feel you are not participating and involving yourself fully into new experiences. You are just taking your personal freedom. Your karmic goal is to understand the real meaning of life and live it don't just stuck in sitting examples.
10. Sun in Capricorn/10H = with this placement you need to understand that success is a state of life and mind its not a race . You need to establish or understand it from inner state outer world is not going to satisfy this need . Your karmic goal is to live with inner security and power first before giving it to other world.
11. Sun in Aquarius/ 11H = you can be always confused in the changing yourself or remain the same. Because your soul crave for changing and for this you have to take your freedom. It can lead you to become detached but it can also lead you to bad thing . Your karmic goal is to leave unhealthy things and become flexible in this matters.
12. Sun in pieces/12H = you can have a feeling to stuck in a victim mentality where you feel that you need to take care of other things or people because you feel that is the same scenarios where you feel victim like them. Your karmic goal is to develop your own lesson and path do not take anyone other to achieve wholeness.
#tarot tumblr#tarotcommunity#vedic astrology#astro notes#vedic astrology observations#astrology#tarot reading#astrology community#astrology observations#kiddo feedback#astrology signs#sidereal astrology#astro observations#sun in astrology#western astrology
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★Pick a Picture: ✨️🌌How the public would view you as a celebrity🌌✨️
•Pile 1 •Pile 2 •Pile 3
❗️This is a collective reading, take what resonates and leave the rest❗️
✨️Paid Services ✨️ (Natal charts and tarot readings) Open!
🫧Join my Patreon for exclusive content!🫧
🦋If you like my work you can support me through Ko-fi. Thank you!🦋
🌌Masterlist🌌
🧡Pile 1: 8 of Wands, The Sun, 2 of Cups.
Hi pile 1! You will be really loved by the public honestly, you are giving me Chuu, the ex-loona member, vibes. You are really charismatic and loveable, so others will connect with you easily. You will be quite literally "the peoples princess"; it because your personality its so out-going and always kind. I see you many people wanting to work with you because of how nice and humble you are dispite your level of fame.
A really great public persona honestly. I see you having a really diverse fan base too, people will feel represented and at "home" when it comes to you and your art. I dont feel that you will be "relatable", but you will be really down to earth and sincere about your life and how you feel; and others will appreciate this a lot. You are quite the sunshine yourself and others will naturally gravitate towards you.
💎Pile 2: The Fool, 9 of Cups and Ace of Swords.
Hi pile 2! I feel like you will be really admired by others, its giving boss energy. Others see you as one of the best in your field, making you a bit intimidating to be around sometimes. Theres strong "The Devil wears Prada" references coming up, so this movie could be important; and the fashion industry too.
Regarless of this, i feel that people will respect and admire you a lot, to the point in which i feel you will reach a Cher level of iconic. People know that your time and art is gold, so they will be thankful for even a second of your time; they know you are not to be bother by others.
Many see you as an example aswell, someone that comes from a humble start and that reach this goals thanks to their talent and hardworking nature. I see you having many bussiness of your own, maybe your own beauty company, owning a brand, etc. A true boss!
💖Pile 3: 7 of Cups, The Moon and Queen of Cups.
Hi pile 3! I feel that others will see you as someone "otherwordly" somehow, thats literally the message i channeled!
Theres something really unique about you, they way you carry yourself and how you approach life, that makes others wonder about you a lot. I see that you will be talked about a lot, many will have a acrush on you even; so yeah, the public will like you alot but they will also be really on your bussiness quite a lot.
I see you being really carefree and private in many matters, so there will be a lot of speculations. Although, i feel you will have a solid fanbase that will keep you safe from the bad gossip that the media could put out.
You are giving me Lily Rose Deep, Alexa Demie type of unbothered. You are just living your life, but theres something about you that brings everyones eyes towards you. You are a mistery and people love it. I see you being "the muse" of many artists aswell. Lucky you pile 3!
🌌💎✨️Thanks for reading and tell me if it resonated✨️💎🌌
#astrology placements#zodiac#astrology#astrology moodboard#astro blog#astro community#astro notes#astro news#astro observations#paid tarot readings#tarot and astrology#tarot reading#tarot cards#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#tarot#pac reading#pac#pac paid reading#paid readings#fashion#tarot related#tarot requests#tarot pick a card#tarot pac#tarot pick a pile#pick a picture#pick a pile#pick a card#pick a photo
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* pairing(s) : various (like.. 4) hsr x reader
* prompt : who fell first? who fell harder? we'll figure it out ♡
* authors note : ill do the rest later maybe! (its.. 1am as i write.) oh and also thank u for 100 followers.. thats so cool ily all mwa. maybe i'll open special requests hehe
You fell first, DAN HENG had fallen harder. ☆☆
You always admired his cool, protective and gentle nature. He always tried to be as serious as possible, but something about you made him crack a smile or even warm his icy heart. How could he have not fallen much deeper than you did for him? You, admittedly at first fell for his looks, he had fallen for your everything.
JING YUAN fell first, you had fallen harder. ☆☆
The resident pretty boy, who wouldn't have a crush on him? Well, most did, almost everyone but you. It's not like you hated him or anything, infact he was your superior, and so you saw him as a boss and nothing more.
Oddly enough, Jing Yuan was attracted to that. It's always what you can't have, amiright? But when you fell, and he caught you, you fell HARD. The Dozing General was secretly the Dozing Gentleman I tell you, the way he was so gentle with you and never forced anything you didn't want, he went to your guardians to seek their approval and would walk you home after every work day. He knows how much you love him, and takes great pride in it.
You fell first, GEPARD tripped over his feet and fell hard. ☆☆
Your crush on Gepard was nothing big, really. He was just kind and hardworking, it was a plus that he was really pretty. When Serval teased him about you having a crush, (and him being completely oblivious to it) he was FLUSTERED. He had a very similar crush on you, but had no intentions of acting on it, and now that he figured out you liked him back? He wasn't going to live with regret, he's not that kind of man.
Now you're both in a happy relationship, but sometimes it's like he's still crushing on you. He gets so flustered around you it's cute.
WELT fell first, you fell harder.
He never would've thought that of all the people, Welt had fallen for you. He didn't mean that negatively, it was just that he always had one goal. Go home, see his family and friend and hopefully settle. But now, those goals had changed to go home, introduce you to his family and friends and settle with you.
When he told you how he felt, his wording and sincerity stole your heart. You never knew that Welt was such a gentle man, he could've chosen anyone else but his heart loved you. And you loved him so much more.
#✹ ִֶָ ꐑꐑ entos paw prints#hsr x reader#dan heng x reader#jing yuan x reader#gepard landau x reader#gepard x reader#honkai star rail x reader#welt yang x reader#welt x reader
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open goals
lena oberdorf x bayern!reader
part one here - part two - part three here
summary: love wins at bayern munich
warnings: angst, one mention of childhood neglect, this part is very long too, enemies to lovers.
after some time, in february 2024, everything changed.
you get home after training one evening, still feeling the unease that you can’t quite place. you try to shake it off as you walk through the front door, tossing your bag to the side, and head straight for the kitchen to grab a glass of water.
your mind is still spinning with all the weird little moments from today, but you can’t quite put your finger on what’s bothering you.
everyone being so nice, so... attentive. well, your european teammates have always been the sweetest– sometimes clingy– but today feels different. your intuition tells you so.
your fingers drum against the counter as you stare off at nothing, you try to brush it off as paranoia. it was probably nothing, they’re being the best teammates that they are.
the pink iphone of yours buzzes just as you take a sip of water, and you glance down to see your national teammate’s name flashing on the screen.
relief floods you; it’s been a minute since you last talked to her, and you need some normalcy right now, something that feels comfortable and familiar. you quickly swipe to answer.
“heyyyy!” you greet, trying to sound casual as you lean back against the counter.
“hey girl,” she laughs, her voice bright and cheerful.
“god, it’s been forever since we last talked. i got bored and saw your contact so i figured i’d call you. i hope i am not interrupting?”
“you aren’t. i just got home.” you smile.
“okay cool! how are things? how’s training?”
“oh, you know, same old,” you say, forcing a smile even though she can’t see you.
“just finished up for the day like i said. bayern’s... good. how’s everything with you? i know you just transferred from lyon to chelsea last month. how is everything? you’ve been at lyon since forever.”
“forever as in a few years? ha i am doing good. the girls here are sweet.” your teammate says, you can hear the comfort in her voice.
“thats great! jess mentioned that you were getting comfortable.”
“yeah, yeah. honestly, the problem is getting used to a new routine,” she groans dramatically, and you laugh, feeling yourself relax a little.
“can’t wait to catch up with you when we’re back together at the national camp. what about you? how’s georgia doing? and the others?” your national teammate continues.
you feel a little warmth spread through your chest at the mention of your bayern teammates.
“oh, they’re great. georgia’s, well, being georgia as always. sydney’s loud and chaotic. nothing’s really changed, y’know? just the usual chaos.”
“sounds about right,” she says, chuckling.
“but hey, speaking of georgia... she told me that you were getting a new tattoo soon by her? something about matching with some of the bayern crew?”
“yeah, actually, later tonight,” you reply, glancing at the clock.
“heading over to georgia’s shop in a bit. i’m not getting one today, though—sam is. but... yeah, we’ll all be there.”
“oh, nice,” she says, and you can hear her moving around on the other end, probably putting dishes away or something.
“what’s sam getting?”
“not sure,” you admit with a shrug, even though she can’t see it.
“i think it’s a symbol or something. you know sam—always something meaningful.”
“classic sam,” she says with a fond chuckle, and for a moment, everything feels light and easy. just a normal catch-up between friends.
but then her tone shifts a bit, a hesitant edge creeping in.
“hey, uh... you’ve been good, right? like, with... everything going on?”
you blink, confused by the sudden change in topic.
“yeah, i mean... yeah, everything’s fine. why?”
she hesitates, and you can hear the hesitation in her voice.
“i just... i don’t know. i thought you might be, um, worried. about... well, about the rumors and stuff.”
“rumors?” you repeat, furrowing your brow. “what rumors?”
“about lena,” she says softly, like she’s not sure how you’re going to take it.
the smile on your face drops from the sound of her name.
“you know... her possibly transferring to bayern.”
you freeze, the air catching in your throat. “what?” you say, your voice coming out sharper than you intended.
“what do you mean… transferring? lena’s at wolfsburg. she’s been there forever and i remember lea mentioning something about her signing a renewal with them.”
there’s a pause, and you hear her take a deep breath.
“yeah, i know, but... haven’t you seen the news on social media? like, there’s a bunch of talk that she might be coming to bayern. i mean, it’s all just rumors right now, but... i figured someone would’ve mentioned it to you. i thought... i thought you knew.”
you shake your head even though she can’t see you, trying to process what she’s saying, but it feels like she’s speaking another language.
“no, no, i didn’t know. why would... why would lena come to bayern? that... that doesn’t make sense.”
“i mean, she’s one of the best players in germany,” your teammate points out, her voice still soft and cautious.
“it kinda makes sense for her to move to a big club like bayern... i’m sorry– i know you hate me for saying that–but i didn’t think you’d be finding out like this. shit shit shit, i’m sorry, y/n. i honestly thought you knew.”
“no,” you say quickly, trying to keep your voice steady even as your mind is racing. “no, i... i had no idea. i mean... lena and bayern, that’s... that’s not possible. it can’t be real.”
“it’s all just talk right now,” she reassures you, but you can hear the uncertainty in her voice.
“look, maybe it’s just rumors, you know how these things go. people are always saying players are going here and there. remember when the news said that you were leaving munich to go to new york?? that never happened! but... i dunno, i’ve been seeing it all over my timeline.”
you feel your heart pounding in your chest, and there’s a dull ringing in your ears as you try to make sense of everything.
“you’re... you’re joking, right?” you force out a laugh, but it sounds shaky.
“please tell me you’re joking.”
“i wish i was,” she says, and your stomach drops. “i can send you the links if you want to see for yourself.”
“fine,” you say, feeling like you’re on autopilot now, the panic starting to build in your chest.
“send them over.”
the moment the call ends, the links start coming through—one after the other, headlines that make your eyes blur with disbelief.
“wolfsburg star rumored to be signing with bayern…”
“lena oberdorf could be on the move…”
“bayern munich set to sign germany’s young talent…”
it’s like the words swim in front of your eyes, and your breath catches in your throat.
you stare at your phone, feeling the world shift beneath your feet. it feels like everything is closing in, like the room is getting smaller and smaller, and all you can do is sit there, trying to remember how to breathe.
lena. at bayern. in the same locker room as you. wearing the same crest as you. doing the same cheers and learning the handshakes. it feels like a nightmare, but you’re wide awake.
she’d never come here. she’d never... never follow you to bayern. not after everything. you told yourself.
but then again, lena was always one step ahead, always getting to you when you least expected it.
what if it’s true? what if she really is coming here?
you shakily text your teammate back—hey, i’ll call you later,—but you know you won’t. not now. not while your head is spinning like this.
you make it to georgia’s tattoo place, just about two minutes late but munich traffic during rush hour was busy. the bell above the door chimes as you step in, and the familiar smell of ink and antiseptic fills the air.
georgia’s setting up her tattoo gun for sam, who’s chatting animatedly with ana, lea, and sydney on the side. usually, you’d be joking around with them, too, but today you’re barely holding it together.
georgia looks up, smiling as you walk in. “hey, you made it! ready to watch the magic happen while sam panics the whole time?”
“shut up!” sam protests.
you force a smile, but it feels fake, plastered on. you can’t focus on anything but the whirlwind of thoughts spinning in your head.
“yeah... yeah, sure,” you mumble, feeling like your voice is coming from someone else’s mouth.
sydney notices the look on your face and frowns.
“y/n? what’s up? you have the same face you made when we got knocked out of the champions league last month.”
you swallow hard, your voice wavering as you ask the question that’s been clawing at your mind the entire way over.
“did... did you guys know about lena? that she’s... coming to bayern?”
the room goes quiet, and you see the way georgia’s shoulders tense, the way sydney exchanges a look with ana.
no one speaks for a moment, and the silence feels like it’s crushing you.
lea is the one to break it, stepping forward and reaching out to touch your arm gently.
“y/n, we didn’t want to tell you until we knew for sure. it’s all rumors right now—lena hasn’t told me anything about that yet. nothing is confirmed, okay?”
“yeah,” sydney adds quickly, crossing her arms, her voice firm.
“look, lena’s a good player. if she’s coming to bayern, it’s not to make your life harder. she probably wants to be close to her friends, her family... you should know that this isn’t about you.”
“but it feels like it’s about me,” you admit, hating the tremor in your voice. “it’s like she’s... she’s invading my space, and i... i don’t know what to do about it. what if she comes here and makes everything... worse?”
you tell yourself you’re a professional, and lena is too. you tell yourself that maybe things will be okay. but the past still grips your chest tightly, reminding you of every moment of anger, every tackle, every taunt. and deep down, you know you’re not ready to let that go. not yet.
when lena confirms to the public that she will join bayern after this season ends, with the bayern pages itself posting pictures of lena signing the contract beside bianca-- you feel dread.
“what if she takes my spot? what if she bullies me in the locker room when you guys aren’t around?” you found yourself blurting out to pernille, magda, and tuva in the lounge room the following morning.
“what if she… i don’t know, what if she ruins everything and i’d have to move clubs?”
“süße erbse,” tuva said gently, placing a hand on your shoulder. “you really think we’d let that happen? lena’s good, but you’re y/n l/n. we love you here.”
“yeah,” pernille added with a grin, “you think lena can come in here and take away our süße erbse? not a chance.”
you wanted to believe them, but there was still a knot in your stomach. it wasn’t just about your spot on the team.
it was everything—years of being belittled by her, the way she made you feel like you were always playing catch-up. and now she was going to be…here. in your everyday life.
when july rolled around, the first day lena officially joins bayern, you’re tense before you even get to the training ground.
everyone– aka the girls from the german national team–have been buzzing about her arrival for weeks, and the news has followed you around like a shadow—reminding you every day that your former rival, the person who pushed you to your lowest, was now going to be your teammate.
it doesn't sit right, and as you step into the locker room that morning, you can’t shake the discomfort in your chest.
there she is, standing by her locker, looking...different. softer than the lena you’re used to seeing in the green and white of wolfsburg.
now, she’s wearing the same red bayern training kit as you, and it makes something twist inside your stomach. wrong. that’s what it feels like—just wrong.
you want to turn around and leave, just pretend you forgot something in the parking lot and stall for time, but she spots you before you can move.
her eyes light up, that familiar spark dancing in them—but it’s not taunting like before. it’s... welcoming. she gives you this big smile, the kind that makes her eyes crinkle at the edges, and suddenly it feels like the room is too hot, too small, like the walls are closing in on you.
“y/n, hey,” lena says, and her voice sounds...kind. friendly. nothing like the voice you remember yelling at you on the pitch, taunting you with every mistake.
she walks toward you, like she’s genuinely excited to see you, and you want to flinch away.
“i’m really glad to be here. i know we’ve had a past, but i hope we can leave all that behind and be teammates. put the rivalry aside, yeah?”
you force a smile, but it feels more like a grimace. “hi,” you manage to say, your voice cracking slightly.
you can barely meet her eyes, your gaze dropping to the floor because looking at her feels like staring straight into the past—the tackles, the taunts, the years of feeling like you were always playing catch-up.
“it’s nice to finally be on the same side, don’t you think?” she continues, still smiling, as if she’s trying to ease the tension.
“i’m looking forward to working with you. i’ve... always admired how you play.”
the words are so dissonant, so out of place coming from her, that you can’t help but scoff quietly.
admired you? this is the same woman who spent years making you feel like you were never enough, who relished in getting under your skin every chance she got. and now she was just going to act like that history never existed? like she never made you a joke, like you’re supposed to be grateful for her kindness now?
“right,” you say flatly, unable to keep the sarcasm from your voice. “well... welcome, then.”
you turn to walk away, unable to deal with the tightness in your chest, but the moment you take a step, lena calls after you, her voice softening.
“y/n, wait—I really mean it. i don’t want there to be... any bad blood between us. i want to start fresh.”
you pause, but don’t turn back to look at her. every muscle in your body feels tense, like you’re coiled to spring away, and your mind is racing with every bitter memory.
“yeah, well... some things aren’t that easy to forget,” you mutter before walking off, feeling like you’re practically running away towards the training grounds.
your heart hammers in your chest as you make your way to the pitch, trying to shake the feeling of discomfort that lingers.
you hate how your voice sounded, how nervous you were—like a little kid facing down a bully.
get it together, you're a twenty-one year old adult. you tell yourself, trying to block out the way she looked at you, like you were someone she actually cared about.
you don’t know this lena, and you’re not sure you want to.
as you head out to the pitch, you see sydney standing by the goalpost, and you practically breathe a sigh of relief.
your best friend on the team, your fiercest defender when it comes to lena, sydney notices immediately that something’s up when she sees your face.
“she talked to you, didn’t she?” sydney asks, her voice sharp. she’s always had your back when it comes to lena, never liked the way she treated you.
all of the other girls at bayern hated how lena treated you, but sydney was more vocal about it.
“what’d she say?”
“just... some bullshit about wanting to start over,” you say, shaking your head, your voice dripping with disbelief.
“like she thinks we’re just going to be best friends now or something. like all of the shit she put me through doesn’t matter.”
sydney’s expression hardens, and she glares over at lena, who’s standing off to the side of the pitch, looking a little lost and unsure as lea talks to tuva.
“what did she expect? that she’d walk in and everything would be fine and dandy?” she scoffs, rolling her eyes.
“she’s got a nerve, acting like you’re just supposed to forgive her instantly.”
“yeah, well, i’m not,” you say, your jaw tightening. “not yet. maybe not ever.”
training starts, and as the drills go on, you feel lena’s eyes on you a few times—quick glances, like she’s gauging whether to approach you again.
but every time she makes a move, sydney is there, blocking her path or shooting her a look that says, not now. eventually, lena seems to get the hint, and she keeps her distance, sticking close to lea.
after training, as you’re cooling down, you see lena approach sydney, her expression uncertain but determined.
“hey, um... is y/n okay?” you hear her ask, her voice low. “i didn’t mean to... i don’t know, make her uncomfortable.”
sydney, to her credit, doesn’t sugarcoat anything. “look, lena,” she says firmly, crossing her arms.
“you know what happened between you two. you know what you did. don’t expect her to like you immediately just because you’re being nice now. give her space. she’s not... ready for this.”
lena nods slowly, looking over at you from across the pitch, her face falling slightly. “yeah... yeah, i get it. thanks.”
you don’t know how much she means it—you don’t know if she really understands how much damage she did, how much she’s hurt you over the years. and you’re not ready to find out, either. all you know is that seeing her in the same kit, wearing your club’s crest, feels like a betrayal. and it’s going to take a lot more than nice words and pretty smiles to change that.
throughout the preseason she tried to engage with you more, but every time, you shied away. it wasn’t that you couldn’t talk to her—it was that you didn’t want to.
not after how she made you feel.
lena, for her part, noticed. she wasn’t stupid. she saw how you avoided her, how you never quite met her eyes. so one day, after a particularly awkward training session, she turned to her best friend lea for advice.
“why does y/n hate me so much?” lena asked, frowning as they sat together after practice.
lea glanced at her, “obi, are you serious?”
lena sighed,
then lea sighed. “well, it’s pretty obvious, lena. you’ve been pushing her around and treating her like shit for years.”
lena blinked, clearly taken aback. “what do you mean?”
“i mean, you’ve made her life miserable on the pitch,” lea explained patiently, even though lena pretends like the last three years didn’t exist.
“people have been making jokes about her because of you, and you…you’ve entertained it. you’ve never let up, even when it wasn’t necessary. of course she’s going to resent you. you made her feel small.”
lena was quiet for a long moment, her brow furrowing. she hadn’t thought about it that way before.
she’d just always seen it as competition, as banter. but now… now it made sense. “i didn’t mean to,” she murmured.
“yeah, well,” lea said, “that doesn’t change how she feels.”
then, as if things couldn’t get more complicated, lena tore her acl before the olympics in the summer. it was brutal, seeing her go down like that. and even though you resented her, a part of you—deep down—felt sorry for her.
you knew what it was like to be sidelined for months due to the same injury, to watch everything you’ve worked for slip away.
so, you did something you didn’t think you’d ever do: you texted her through instagram.
*hey. i’m sorry to hear about your injury. i hope you have a smooth recovery.*
you stared at your phone for a long time after hitting send, unsure if you’d regret it. lena responded quickly, thanking you, and trying to start a conversation. but you didn’t give her much, keeping your replies short, not really engaging.
you weren’t ready to let your guard down yet, even if she is on the same team with your teammates protecting you.
over the next two months, lena tried again and again to reach out, but you kept her at arm’s length.
it wasn’t until one day, after a particularly long rehab session, that she finally cornered you, her eyes soft but determined.
“can we talk?” she asked, her voice gentler than you’d ever heard it.
you sighed but nodded, deciding it was time to hear her out. the two of you found a quiet spot in the training center, and she looked at you with something almost like regret in her eyes.
“i didn’t realize…how much i hurt you,” lena began.
“i thought it was just part of the game, you know? but lea explained it to me. and i finally get it now. i’m so sorry.”
you crossed your arms, looking down at your shoes.
“you made me a joke, lena. you acted like it was nothing, but i had to hear it from everyone. people comparing us, praising you, and making me feel like…like i wasn’t good enough. and you encouraged it. you made me feel small.”
lena’s face softened, and she stepped closer.
“that was never my intention. i never meant to make you feel like that. i admired you. you’re…goodness, y/n, you’re incredible on the pitch. you’re so fast, and the way you move with the ball—it’s like art. and off the pitch, you’re…you’re kind. you’re good to people. i didn’t realize how much that meant until lea pointed it out.”
you blinked, taken aback by her words. “what?”
lena sighed, running a hand through her hair.
“i’m saying i like you. i’ve liked you for a while now. i just didn’t know how to show it, so i acted like an idiot. i get it if you hate me. i probably deserve that.”
you stared at her, completely caught off guard.
“you’re joking, right? are you serious? you can’t just say something like that after everything. how can you feel that way after everything you’ve said and done to me?”
“i’m not joking,” lena said softly, her eyes meeting yours. “i like you, y/n. and i’m sorry. i really am. i know i hurt you, but if you give me a chance, i’d like to make it up to you.”
you swallowed hard, trying to process everything. part of you wanted to stay angry, to hold onto the grudge you’d built up over the years. but another part of you—one that you didn’t want to admit existed—was intrigued.
was it possible that lena oberdorf, the girl who had made your life hell on the pitch, actually had feelings for you?
“i don’t know,” you said slowly, your voice tight. “you hurt me, lena. you pushed me around for years. you made me feel like i was less. i’m not just going to forget that because you have a crush.”
lena nodded, her expression serious. “i understand. i’m not asking you to forget. i’m just asking for a chance to prove that i’m not that person anymore.”
you hesitated, your walls still firmly in place. “if i even consider this,” you said carefully, “you need to apologize. really apologize, not just say it because you think it’s what i want to hear.”
lena met your eyes, her voice steady. “i’m sorry, y/n. i’m sorry for the way i treated you, for making you feel like you weren’t enough. you’re more than enough. you’ve always been.”
you felt something shift in your chest, a soft crack in the armor you’d built up over the years. maybe, just maybe, lena meant it.
“okay,” you said quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. “we’ll see.”
after months of unease, things start to shift. lena is at bayern now, and even though you’re not thrilled about it, you’ve accepted that she’s not going anywhere.
she’s on the sidelines for every training session, every game, with that same determined look in her eyes, even though her acl injury keeps her off the pitch.
despite the resentment that still lingers, you can’t help but feel like you’re softening toward her, little by little.
you've been bayern’s top scorer so far this season. after every game, lena comes onto the pitch to congratulate everyone. she goes around, hugging your teammates, and when she gets to you, her arms open, but you freeze.
“um– can we do a handshake?” you suggest awkwardly, offering your hand instead of leaning in for the hug. lena hesitates but nods with a small smile, shaking your hand.
“good game,” she says quietly, eyes lingering on you for a moment longer than necessary.
“thanks,” you mumble, trying not to meet her gaze for too long.
it goes on like that for a while. lena is kind, trying to talk to you, but you keep your distance. until one night in the champions league group stage against brann.
you’re in form, dominating the game. after the final whistle, you feel unstoppable, and for once, when lena comes up to you, the usual wall you’ve put up doesn’t feel as necessary.
“that was an incredible performance,” lena says, her voice softer than you expected. “that goal of yours was fucking amazing!.”
something in her tone feels different, more genuine. you swallow, feeling a strange warmth in your chest.
“thank youu!” you say, and before you realize it, you’re leaning into her for a hug. it’s quick, but enough to catch lena off guard. when you pull back, you notice her slight smile, surprised but pleased.
lea sees it, of course. she catches your eye from across the pitch and raises an eyebrow, smirking as if to say, finally. you roll your eyes at her but can’t help the small smile tugging at your lips.
the next game, however, things take a turn. you go down with a minor ankle injury—nothing serious, but enough to keep you out for a week. you’re frustrated, but during that time off, lena reaches out again.
"hey, do you wanna grab lunch?" she asks one afternoon after recovery workouts, catching you as you’re leaving the facility.
you hesitate, unsure.
“maybe... georgia can come too?” you suggest, hoping for a buffer.
lena raises an eyebrow, but she nods.
“sure, if that makes you more comfortable.”
later, georgia tells you, “sorry, luv, i can’t make it. i have some appointments at the tattoo shop today. you’ll be fine without me though.”
you groan, realizing you’re stuck going alone.
the lunch ends up going better than expected, despite your initial reluctance.
lena is... different. she talks about her recovery, how tough it’s been not being able to play, and how strange it’s been being around you in this new context.
“i just want to say i’m sorry again,” lena says halfway through the meal, catching you off guard. she’s picking at her food, avoiding your gaze. “i know i’ve apologized before, but... i was really awful to you for a long time.”
you blink, surprised at the sincerity in her voice. “yeah, you were,” you admit quietly, not really looking at her either. “but... i guess it’s not as bad now. you’re trying, at least.”
lena smiles at that, small but genuine. “i am. i mean it, y/n. i really... i really do like you.”
you stare at her, the words hanging in the air. “you’re serious about that? you’re not joking? you actually... like me?”
lena’s eyes flick up to meet yours, and she nods. “i do. i know i haven’t given you many reasons to believe me, but... it’s not a joke. not anymore.”
you don’t say anything for a moment, processing her words. later, you find yourself going to lea about it.
“is she serious?” you ask her, sitting on the edge of your bed one night after training. “like, does lena really have a crush on me or is she just... messing with me again?”
lea tilts her head, looking at you carefully. “she’s serious, y/n. i’ve known lena for years, and she’s not the same person you faced on the pitch. she’s not as bad as you think.”
“really?” you furrow your brow. “because all i’ve seen is her making my life hell.”
lea sighs, shaking her head. “yes, she’s my bestfriend y/n. you only saw her bad side because you were rivals. but back when we were at essen, or even with the national team, she’s... she’s kind. she was always the first one to help out, the one who looked out for the younger players. she just got competitive with you.”
“you’re saying she’s always been kind? because i’ve literally never seen it.”
lea nods, crossing her arms. “i’ve seen it. she’s not just this tough girl who wants to win everything. she’s actually really thoughtful. she’d always bring coffee to the team early in the morning. she once helped a teammate get to the airport when she missed her train... little things like that.”
you’re quiet for a moment, trying to imagine this version of lena. “huh. i never knew that.”
“you weren’t supposed to,” lea shrugs. “you guys were always butting heads, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t care. i think... i think she just didn’t know how to show it. especially around you.”
you chew on that for a while.
in november– it hits you suddenly one evening after training before the uwcl match against arsenal.
as you’re sitting on the edge of your bed, wearing comfy pajamas, your heart is pounding for no reason that you can explain.
it’s like a creeping realization that crawls up your spine and won’t let go: you’re developing feelings for lena.
you bury your face in your hands, groaning softly.
“god, i’m so stupid,” you mutter to yourself. you can't believe it—lena, the girl who made you feel like absolute shit for years, the one who seemed to thrive on making you look bad on the pitch, the one who’d taunted and tackled you like you were nothing.
how could you possibly like her? how could you feel anything for someone who made you feel so stupid and worthless?
but now, things are different. ever since lena joined bayern, she’s been... well, kind. showing you this softer, gentler side that you never saw before. helping you during training, throwing out compliments here and there, catching you off guard with that stupid smile that makes you blush. and the more you see of this side of her, the more it eats away at you.
lena is genuinely sweet. she’s... attractive. and that scares you.
you need to talk to someone—someone who understands, someone who won’t judge you. so, you go to madga and pernille, the two adult players you trust most on the team.
they're like your mentors, the big sisters you never had, and when you knock on their door late that night, you’re practically shaking with nerves.
“y/n?” madga’s voice is gentle as she opens the door, concern immediately clouding her features.
“what’s wrong?”
“can... can i come in?” you ask, your voice wavering.
“of course,” pernille says, stepping aside to let you into their shared apartment. the space is cozy, a few blankets draped over the sofa, the faint smell of tea lingering in the air.
you sit down heavily on the couch, madga and pernille sitting on either side of you, giving you their full attention. “it’s about... lena,” you begin, hesitating, feeling your hands tremble in your lap.
madga and pernille exchange a look—one that you can’t read, but they don’t interrupt. they just nod, encouraging you to continue.
“i—i think i might... like her,” you finally confess, your voice cracking on the last words. “and i can’t believe it, because for so long i hated her. she made my life miserable on the pitch, and now she’s being all... nice, and i’m... i’m starting to see how... god, how attractive she is, and it’s terrifying.”
pernille reaches out, placing a hand on your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “it’s okay, y/n. it’s okay to feel conflicted.”
“i’m just... i’m so angry at myself,” you admit, tears threatening to spill over. “she used to be so awful to me, you know? every time we played each other, she’d do whatever she could to make me feel like i was nothing, just... trash-talking, tackling me, all of it. and now... now i’m supposed to believe she’s this sweet, thoughtful person, like she’s always been? and the worst part is... i do believe it. and it’s like i’m losing control of how i feel.”
madga lets out a small sigh, nodding as she processes your words. “people are complicated, y/n. we all have different sides to us. it sounds like... maybe lena was just showing you one side back then—the competitor, the rival, someone who was tasked to throw you off of the game. but maybe that’s not all she is. you’re getting to see the real lena now.”
you shake your head, staring down at your hands. “but why now? why show me this side now? why couldn’t she have done it before? when i—when i actually hated her?”
“because it’s hard to show your softer side when you’re up against someone who you see as your biggest challenge,” pernille says softly.
“maybe she didn’t know how to show you who she really was. but that doesn’t mean it’s not real now.”
“i just don’t know what to do,” you whisper, feeling so lost.
“i don’t know how to feel about her. some days i want to push her away, pretend like she’s still that girl who used to treat me like crap. and then other days... i can’t stop thinking about her. about the way she smiles, how she looks at me. i stare at her arms too sometimes– gosh why am i saying that UGHH i don’t know if i can trust it. trust... her.”
madga wraps her arm around you, pulling you close in a gentle side hug. “it’s okay to be scared. it’s okay to feel all of this. but you don’t have to figure it out all at once. let it happen, y/n. let yourself feel what you feel.”
“but what if she hurts me again?” you say, your voice light.
“what if this is all just... a game to her? what if i’m just going to be a joke again?”
“noo way. if so, we will stop that,” pernille says, smiling softly. “whatever happens, we’ve got your back. but you have to let yourself feel it, even if it’s scary. if you’re really seeing a different side to lena, maybe that’s worth seeing. or... maybe not. but you won’t know unless you let yourself try.”
you nod slowly, letting their words wash over you. maybe they’re right—maybe you’re overthinking it. but the fear is still there, lingering, because falling for someone like lena means trusting her, and you’re not sure you’re ready for that.
but as you sit there, sandwiched between madga and pernille, you take a deep breath and let yourself relax. maybe, just maybe, it’ll be okay. maybe this could be something real. and if it’s not... at least you know you won’t be alone.
by now it’s december, and it’s nearing christmas. the bayern locker room is filled with excitement. everyone’s talking about their plans for the holidays—family gatherings, trips abroad, dinners with loved ones.
you sit in the corner, pulling off your ivory colored cleats slowly, hoping no one will ask you. you’ve always been good at hiding it, but this time it feels harder.
there’s no family waiting for you, no friends flying in from home. just you.
sam kerr is the first to bring it up, naturally. she’s sitting across from you, leaning back with her phone in hand, already talking about her plans.
“so, y/n,” she starts, her tone casual, but there’s a glint of curiosity in her eyes.
“what are you doing for christmas? heading home, or what?”
you freeze for a second, then plaster on your usual smile. “uh, yeah. i’ve got a friend visiting,” you lie, trying to keep your voice light, like it’s no big deal.
the entire locker room listens.
"oh?" georgia raises an eyebrow. “which friend? anyone we know?”
you laugh awkwardly, shaking your head. "nah, just an old friend from back home. you wouldn’t know her."
"that’s nice," ana chimes in from the other side of the room, clearly not sensing the tension behind your smile.
“i’m jealous. all my friends are still stuck at their parents’ houses in colombia. it's family overload." ana continues.
you nod along, trying to seem as normal as possible. “yeah, well, it’ll be nice to catch up.”
but then, tuva joins in, her usual sharp instincts picking up something. she looks at you, her eyes narrowing slightly. "you’ve never mentioned this friend before. how come?"
you feel your stomach tighten. "we... we don’t talk much. they’re in university. we are just, you know, catching up for the holidays."
tuva tilts her head, still studying you, but thankfully, she doesn’t push further. instead, the conversation shifts as the others talk about their own plans again. but you can feel the tightness in your chest, the weight of the lie sitting uncomfortably on your shoulders.
you can’t help but wonder if any of them can tell.
as you finish changing and start heading out, georgia catches up to you.
“hey, y/n,” she says softly, her voice just a bit quieter, as if sensing something’s off. “you good? you seemed... i don’t know, distracted earlier.”
you force a smile again. “yeah, just tired. it’s been a long week.”
georgia doesn’t look convinced, but she lets it go, offering you a soft smile. “well, if you need anything over christmas, let me know, alright? we can always meet up if your plans fall through.”
“thank you,” you mumble, appreciating her kindness but knowing you’ll never take her up on that offer.
you’ve gotten used to spending the holidays alone, and this year will be no different.
christmas day arrives, and true to your word, you’re alone.
you walk to your favorite café, the one where the baristas know your order without you even having to ask.
the streets are quiet, the festive buzz from days prior now fading into a peaceful stillness. you’ve got your true crime book tucked under your arm, planning to spend the afternoon reading, just like every year.
as you step inside the café, you smile at the baristas, leaving a generous tip in their jar.
"merry christmas," you say, offering them a small nod before settling into your usual spot by the window.
outside of the team, outside of football, you consider yourself to be a loner. due to childhood trauma involving neglect, you don’t talk to your family. in fact, football was your escape from them.
you never made an effort to have friends outside of the clubs you played for. the hobbies you have never involved meeting other people. you’re aware that you shouldn’t have your life surrounded by football, but it was the thing that saved you.
even “she” couldn’t break you from playing football for those three years.
you’re halfway through the first chapter of your book when the door swings open. at first, you don’t pay much attention, too focused on the pages in front of you. but then you hear familiar footsteps, and out of habit, you glance up. your heart drops when you see who it is.
lena.
you immediately duck your head, trying to hide behind your book, but it’s too late. lena stops mid-step, her eyes widening in surprise as she spots you.
she pauses for a moment, clearly taken aback, before heading straight toward your table.
“y/n?” she asks, her voice carrying a mix of confusion and curiosity.
“what are you doing here?”
you swallow hard, forcing yourself to look up. “uh... just grabbing a coffee,” you reply, your voice stiff.
lena’s eyes flicker with suspicion as she pulls out the chair across from you and sits down backwards on the chair, her arms resting on top of the wood..
“where’s your friend? the one who was supposed to visit?”
your pulse quickens, and for a split second, you consider keeping up the lie.
but something about the way she’s looking at you, her brow furrowed with genuine concern, makes you crumble.
“they... they couldn’t make it,” you admit, your voice quieter now. “something came up.”
lena studies you for a moment, her gaze softening. “you’re lying,” she says gently, but there’s no malice in her voice.
“there was never a friend. you’re spending christmas alone, aren’t you?”
you sigh, dropping your gaze to the table. “yeah,” you finally admit, feeling the weight of the truth settle around you.
“i’ve always spent it alone. it’s... just how it is.”
lena’s expression softens even more, and she leans forward slightly, her voice quiet but firm.
“you don’t have to spend it alone, y/n. come with me. i’m not doing anything either, my parents are visiting my brother.”
you blink, surprised by the offer. “lena, you don’t have to—”
“i’m not letting you spend christmas in a cold café by yourself,” she interrupts, her tone leaving no room for argument.
“come on. i’ve got rookie at home, we’ll cook something, and i can put on some disney christmas movies. it’ll be fun.”
you hesitate, glancing around the empty café before looking back at her. “i don’t know, lena...”
“please,” she insists, her eyes searching yours. “it’s christmas. no one should be alone.”
after a long pause, you finally nod. “okay. but only because you said disney movies.”
lena grins, standing up and grabbing her coat. “deal.”
“also, what’s a rookie? you said you’ve got a rookie at home.” you question as lena holds the door open for you.
“you’ll see.” lena smirks.
in her apartment, the atmosphere is warm and cozy. rookie, her dog, greets you excitedly at the door, his tail wagging as he sniffs at your legs.
“awe who’s this?” you smile, going on your knees as you scratch the dog’s ears.
“this is rookie!” lena says, admiring you and rookie interacting.
“this is the rookie!!!” you squeak.
“he likes you,” lena says, smiling as she watches rookie lay in front of me.
“i’m a dog person, and a cat person too but rookie is so cute!!” you bend down to give rookie a scratch behind the ears.
as the afternoon goes on, you and lena fall into an easy rhythm.
you help her prepare dinner, chopping vegetables while she stirs the sauce on the stove.
it’s quiet, but not awkward—just peaceful. every now and then, she glances at you, and you catch her staring, but you pretend not to notice.
later, you’re both curled up on the couch, a disney movie playing in the background while rookie lies at your feet. you’re comfortable, your shoulder brushing against hers, and for the first time in a while, you feel... content.
“thanks for today,” you mumble, your head resting on the back of the couch as you glance over at her.
lena looks at you, her expression soft. “i’m just glad you didn’t have to be alone,” she says quietly.
“you don’t deserve that.”
you swallow, feeling a lump form in your throat. “i’ve been alone for so long, i guess i just got used to it.”
the taller german woman starts to feel an ache in her stomach. everyday she wishes that she could go back and treat you normally on the pitch instead of being a bully. if she knew that you went through this outside of football, she would’ve left you alone.
lena’s gaze lingers on you as she thinks, something unspoken passing between you.
“you don’t have to be,” she murmurs, her voice barely above a whisper.
and in that moment, you realize it. the feelings you’ve been trying to push away for months, the ones you tried to convince yourself weren’t real—they’re there.
but you still have to ask her something, to find closure to the past.
still curled up on her couch with a blanket over your legs, rookie still sprawled out happily at your feet. you never thought you’d be spending christmas with the one person who used to make you burn with anger every time you saw her.
lena is relaxed, and you’re getting there, too, bit by bit. you’re comfortable now—actually comfortable—and you can feel her warmth beside you, feel the weight of how things have changed between you two. the silence is easy, broken only by the soft sound of the movie playing and rookie’s gentle snores.
“can i ask you something?” you say softly, turning to look at her. your voice is careful, not wanting to ruin the moment but needing to know.
lena glances at you, her eyes curious, a small smile playing on her lips. “of course.”
you take a breath, trying to find the right words.
“why... why did you hate me so much before? back when we were... rivals, i guess. you were so... aggressive, and it always felt like you had something against me. but now you’re... different. so what changed?”
lena looks away, biting her lip like she’s trying to decide how much to say. the tension of the moment makes your chest tighten, but you wait, giving her time.
after a long pause, she finally speaks.
“i never hated you like i said,” she admits quietly, her eyes focused on the christmas lights twinkling across the room.
“i know it felt like that, but... it wasn’t hate. it was... god, it was the opposite, really. i talked to lea and jill a lot back then, when i was at wolfsburg, and... i didn’t know how to deal with how i felt about you.”
you tilt your head, furrowing your brow in confusion. “what do you mean?”
lena sighs, running a hand through her hair. “i... asked lea and jill for help. i didn’t know how to get your attention. it sounds stupid now, but... the only way i knew how was... being that way on the pitch. the aggression, the pushing—it was the only way i felt like i could have a piece of you.”
you blink, trying to process her words, the way they seem to pull back the curtain on everything you thought you knew.
“so, what... you acted like that just to get me to pay attention to you?”
“yeah,” lena says, her voice softening as she looks back at you, meeting your eyes.
“i was so focused on... being seen by you, even if it was just you being mad at me. it was selfish, and i’m sorry for all of it. it’s not fair that i treated you like that. i feel terrible about it actually”
you’re silent for a moment, and then you let out a soft laugh, shaking your head. “you know... we could’ve been friends from the start. we had so many mutual friends, lena. it’s not like you couldn’t have just... talked to me.”
lena’s smile turns sad, almost regretful. “but i never wanted to be just friends with you,” she says quietly, the words hanging in the air between you.
“i always wanted more. that’s why... i couldn’t just be nice and friendly like everyone else. it didn’t feel like enough.”
you nod slowly, her words settling into you like the last piece of a puzzle finally clicking into place.
it’s like understanding something you’ve been grappling with for so long. “i get that,” you whisper. “it was... a lot, though. for a long time, i didn’t know what to make of it. of you.”
“i know,” lena says, and she reaches out, her fingers brushing against your cheek as she tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “but... i’m not that person anymore. i’ve changed. and i want to be better for you.”
you take a deep breath, feeling the weight of the past start to lift from your shoulders, piece by piece. you realize, in this quiet, cozy moment, that you’re ready to let it go.
“i finally feel like... like i’ve gotten over the past,” you say softly, your voice steady as you look into her eyes. “and... i forgive you, lena.”
the words are like a release, freeing both of you from everything that came before. lena’s eyes soften, and without thinking, you lean in, pressing your lips to hers in a gentle, tentative kiss.
it’s soft and sweet, like the world has slowed down around you. she holds your waist and lets you lay down on hers after you pull away. now you’re cuddling as rookie adjusted himself to sit on the other side of lena.
“i think...” you whisper, smiling as you finally let yourself say it out loud. “i think i’m catching feelings for you, too.”
lena’s eyes light up, and she pulls you closer, her lips finding yours again, this time deeper, more certain.
"merry christmas," lena whispers, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple after you pulled away again.
"merry christmas," you reply, snuggling into her warmth, knowing that things have totally changed for the better.
part three
#lena oberdorf#lena oberdorf x reader#woso fanfics#woso community#woso x reader#gerwnt#bayern frauen#pernille harder#magdalena eriksson#lea schüller#sydney lohmann#georgia stanway
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