#and if smth is actually bad or good even if it is a neutral thing

[auspicioustidings]

141 fighting each other to be the one whose lap reader sits on during a meeting or smth

CONGRATS ON 1kkkk

Thanks <3 Please find silly nonsense below!

Tomfoolery Senses

Words: 1k

CWs: Slightly spicy but nothing explicit

Honestly you shouldn’t even be on base, not with your knee being how it was. It was annoying as hell that the recovery time meant you were out of the field for the foreseeable, but they still needed you. You may not be able to run around with a gun right now, but tactical was always your strong point anyway so for now you attended meetings and made plans.

You walked into one such meeting and your tomfoolery senses immediately went off. There were too many glinting eyes for them not to have pulled something, and when you went to sit down you nearly laughed out loud at the bloody audacity. No empty seats. Strange since there should be some, almost as if someone had relocated them beforehand specifically for some ridiculous purpose.

“Ye can sit here bonnie!”

It took a moment for your brain to catch up. Soap was very much patting his lap in excitement. The last time you had ended up in that man's lap his hand had wandered during the entire meeting. You recalled being a mess by the end of it and Soap being very much like the cat who got the cream about it because he knew it meant when he followed to your room like a puppy you would let him in.

“Move your arse MacTavish, I’m injured and I need the seat.”

“Wouldnae dream of it! As ye’ll recall, I also have a dodgy knee. Only right for us tae stick together.”

“Surely you’re not asking them to sit on your dodgy knee then Johnny? Come on sweetheart, right here.”

You gave Ghost a bemused look. Soap you expected this from, but him? Actually no, you had very much been overwatch for 141 missions, this is exactly the kind of nonsense you expected of this idiot.

“Now I would love to, but weren’t you just telling me about your bad back? I seem to remember something about needing me to massage it. It would be irresponsible of me to risk making it worse.”

“Your massage fixed it right up actually" he replied, large hand patting thick thigh in further invitation.

You rolled your eyes. Your “massage” had lasted about a minute with you sincerely giving it your best effort before he had pinned you down and given you a very thorough massaging of his own. Only that one had done the opposite of fixing your back, if anything you'd say he had in fact blown it out.

“That so? You were complaining about it right before they walked in” Gaz said, smug as anything even while Ghost glared over at him.

“He's a lying git luv, obviously just looking to get a gorgeous thing in his lap. My lap, however, is neutral.”

You knew for a fact his lap was not neutral, not one bit. His lap was very much the kind of lap that you found yourself bouncing on anytime he got you alone and charmed you right into it. You could be in the middle of a training exercise, fully in the zone, and next thing you knew you were stuffed full of Kyle bloody Garrick in the middle of a safehouse where anyone could wander in at any moment. It wasn't like you were a big risk taker, but he could make you think anything was a good idea.

“A veritable Switzerland I'm sure.”

“Safest place to be really.”

“Look me in the eye and say that with a straight face then.”

Soap and Ghost groaned in tandem as you made the mistake of looking at Gaz. That bloody sunshine smile could sell ice in the Arctic and as such everyone usually avoided eye contact when they knew he wanted something. Charisma score above 20 that boy. Honestly these fuckers were the worst, but oh Gaz's big brown eyes were just smiling so gently at you and surely he would never do anything untoward. How could you look at this man and think he would ever manipulate you?

“Corporal, come ‘ere, that's an order.”

Gaz's sunshine expression turned to one of wry disbelief. He had been so close, you had been about to take a step towards him. It was awfully unsportsmanlike for Price to pull rank, something Gaz would be holding against him.

“So much for honour.”

“Cheeky fucker.”

“Just taking the piss Captain.”

It wasn't completely unfounded for Price to use his rank to get what he wanted when it came to you, it was why usually the others would try to get you away from him. Ghost did it sometimes too if he wasn't there and the Sergeants were. Although he didn't use it quite as thoroughly as Price did once he got you alone. The Captain was always happy to give you orders if only so he could punish you when you bit back, which you did often. Not because you enjoyed the punishment, that certainly wasn't it. You could not supply another reason, but that was besides the point.

“Well I suppose I have to since you're the Captain, unless there was someone that technically had more authority to give me orders” you said with a grin.

“Come on now pet, don't be like that, just come sit and we can start the meeting hm?” he said, using that voice that was right in the middle of soothing dominance and rough command in a last ditch effort.

“Of course Captain, just want to clear it with command first.”

Price sighed, glancing over and seeing that he had lost the fight when he was met with Kate's sly little smile. She was often your saviour when it came to these men. It helped that her and her lovely wife were both sweet on you. They had invited you round for dinner once or twice, and suffice to say the very delicious home cooked meals were not the only thing getting eaten. If there was one thing the men in the 141 hated more than losing to one another, it was losing to Laswell. She was always so annoyingly smug about being your favourite.

As you settled right down in her lap and both the meeting and Kate's hands gently massaging at your waist started, the 141 collectively thought that next time they'd better bring you a damn chair.

[faerghusfucker]

Sorry in advance if this upsets you but I'd like to hear your thoughts on Lysithea with 1, 2, 3 and 23.

You can ignore it if you don't want to answer it.

i’m not upset!!! i’m down to answer questions abt anyone, no need to worry. i actually like being asked abt characters i don’t tend to think abt as much (no shade to the bunch of ppl who ask me abt sylvain every time i reblog a game lol)

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

i’m kind of neutral abt lysithea tbh. i like her backstory and i think that the fact that she exists is super important for the plot, but also she has some iffy supports and general Weird moments that ick me out.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

i rlly like her support chains with lorenz and felix in houses, and ESPECIALLY the one she has with hubert in hopes. i feel like i like her most when she’s not having her “hmph! i’m not a child” schtick played up super hard, and i also like when the other person in the support chain isn’t being mean to her about it (yes hubert does treat her like a child but out of love lol not the way claude does)

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

stands on a table. SHE BULLIES IGNATZ!!!! ignatz is my fuckin boy and he doesn’t deserve the way that lysithea treats him at all. i saw someone argue that disliking lysithea for this reason is somehow misogynistic because a lot of male characters are assholes to people for no reason and they’re excused for it, but LYSITHEA DOESNT KNOW IGNATZ LIKE HOW FELIX KNOWS DIMITRI. HES NOTHING BUT NICE TO HER AND SHE TREATS HIM LIKE SHIT. it’s not even a fun rivalry bc ignatz is trying to be friendly and tell her how much he respects her. i get that this was a manifestation of her own insecurity, and it did a good job of showing that part of her character, but i can appreciate it without liking it. justice for my son.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

i think this one shows off her loose outfit more, which is smth i’ve come to appreciate about her design. i know i had some Choice Words about it in the one video i made but ive come around to her design since then. that video also sucks rlly bad and im gonna delete it when i get more on my channel lol

[girl-lostconnection]

SEAL ANON ASK CAME IN *evil laughter* AND ITS MASSIVE *laughter becomes eviler* We are eating good tonight, oh my god

I cackled when I read this, lowkey thought you didn't like my ask.

THERE ARE TEO OF THEM? Let’s fucking go

*squeals in delight* I'm so-very glad you feel excited for my asks.

God, I’ve been literally pacing around waiting for it to come in and then somehow it didn’t show up in my notifications and I never saw it. Jesus, I thought you read the fic and didn’t like it much so there were no ask. BUT HERE IT IS. Tumblr tried to eat it. Thankfully to no avail.

I quite literally kept checking your account every few hours for the whole weekend.. and when I saw updates I was like: "My turn! They're replying-" and nope, you were reposting stuff. (Not that I mind *smoochs*)

Tumblr won't and can't get in the way of this relation! Hehe

Seal, you are matching my freak so hard, you have NO idea how much I like reading you. So don’t overthink it, it’s all good. Please, type away

Stawp, you've got me tripping on my shoe laces. *giggles*

I’m ngl, Seal, the man is a freak, he’d probably like your tears. But that was actually the point of my description of his face. My Ghost is rarely pretty in the conventional sense, because a person doesn’t need to be pretty to be hot. Like you said, you’d cry in disgust but it makes him even more desirable.

#Imatchhisfreak

Honestly, it was a very self-indulgent thing for me to write so I understand why big lilies and other stuff might read a bit silly or smth like that. But yeah it was self indulgent and I self inserted a bit here and there, but that’s why god has given me the ability to write.

Honestly I don't mind! Might sound weird, but it's fun if !reader does not-exactly neutral stuff and shows interests and skills.

Keep being self-indulgent bb, I'll eat every single fic of yours up.

autumn is free so if you feel like getting stolen away in October — *folds fingers in a phone gesture and shakes it* I’m gonna hit you up

Hit me up whenever bb, I'll always reply. (Not if I crash in my motorbike but huuh)

It’s in the Ghoap folder. Would read a bit less cooked than this one, but I do like “The Big, The Bad and the Wolf”. There is also Acceleration AU, but beware it lacks the last part. I’m getting to it. Slowly.

Baby, baby, you must know that I read at least 85% of your fics, so yes, I already read "The Big, The Bad and the Wolf" and Acceleration AU. (I'm patiently and lovingly waiting for next chapter, *smoochs*)

Babylicious…*looks you in the eyes, smiling like a maniac* seal of my inbox, you read the Grief series already? No? Let me know what you think about it if you get to it (no pressure. It’s hurt no comfort, pure angst, poly!141 x Reader, Reader dies btw)

OMG NO, I saw it in your masterlist but nothing was linked.. I'LL READ IT AS SOON AS I FINISH WRITIN THIS. OHMYGOD. Your asks inbox will be filled by me.

I'm filling your inbox now, good luck everybody else! (Tell me you get the ref, pftt)

He’s real sorry, but they were also such a dark red:(((( And petals were so soft and then he thought about the fingers that touched it, had to eat a petal, and then kind of go “she loves me-she loves me not” with that shit because he was waiting for too long:( he got bored

I'm going to squish you author, you sound so digestible and sweet.

He payed for new once the very next day if it makes it any better🥹

Okay.. yes.. yes... mhmh..

LMAO, not in his perception of reality. But frankly speaking in his perception of reality he’s welcoming home his wayward wife from work and not a woman he saw like once on the street in the middle of Manchester

Whatever drugs he's on, get me a batch too. LMAO.

Lmao, maybe. Next time check the dark corner further away from your bed, if there is a face in the dark. Maybe it is me. Maybe not. Also a glimpse of someone’s face in an impossibly small vent? Also could be me, I lurk in many places (I’m sorry, I take pleasure in horror concepts)

I'd cry, hard and scream, then start swaying my knife and pepper spray in your nose.. If I die I'll drag you with me. #eyeforaneyeandwellallgoblind

I don’t know, pookie. Should you worry, should you like to know why?👀

Honestly.. I should definitely worry, on second thought I might not need to know why..

No, bb. Simon will be the last thing to die🙂

No. Me. (giggling)

Thank you so much for reading it. It is such a pleasure to receive your analysis and be able to talk about my work with you. Really, I’m super happy you liked it. Also I hope it’s a good thing that it made you go numb?👀let me know if not

It is a good thing, it means that you hit every good spot and made me see hell and back <3

Thank you! And yeah, it is significantly heavier than most previous things I wrote and it was kind of a step out of my comfort zone. But I wanted to write something of the kind for a while so honestly, I regret nothing. I loved the end result and I enjoyed the work process. It consumed me a bit but yk what they say, to be great you need an obsession (kinda cocky of me)

You did amazing, so so proud of you !

Also, just for clarification, if at any point you realise that smth I recommended or wrote is not your cup of tea or it’s like too heavy for your tastes — you are under no obligation to read them. I’m happy to discuss other things and you are very fun in on yourself. I’m saying that just in case, because I’d hate to make you read stuff you wouldn’t enjoy for the sake of chatting me up about it.

Sadly, or luckily for you, I'm a starved seal for your works, I'll take anything, any scrap, even just a word.

So, nop, dun worry sweetheart, recommend me anything. I'll obsess over it.

You are cool and I’m a bit like Ghost, I enjoy you for your presence, demeanour and for how interesting it is to talk with you, not for your engagement with my things. Sounded better in my head but I hope you get what I mean🥲

I get it bb, dun worry your pretty brain about such frivolous things.

Onto the questions.

Wont reply to all of 'em, but delicious answers.

AND

Big lilies and big bouquets is something I do and something that is a tradition for my family. All of us love flowers so we do buy whichever we liked on our way home if we saw any. So yeah, walking with big bouquet is a real thing that I do pretty often

That's adorable, I pat you.

Byebye.. See you soon..

*never leaves*

-🦭anon

I finally got to answering this ask, oh seal of my seas. Took me a couple of days to get to it but im finally here. Let's dig in

I cackled when I read this, lowkey thought you didn't like my ask.

I loved your ask. Like that was such a great experience to talk through my work in such detail with someone who genuinely enjoyed reading it and had their own thoughts on the matter. It was a great ask. 10/10, I’d say no notes, but as you can see we got a bunch of notes. We communicate through digital pigeon carriers of tumblr askbox, that’s an experience I didn’t know I wanted but now I’m excited beyond anything

*squeals in delight* I'm so-very glad you feel excited for my asks.

I ammmmmm. Very much so. But it’s probably obvious from how much I chat you up in them

I quite literally kept checking your account every few hours for the whole weekend.. and when I saw updates I was like: "My turn! They're replying-" and nope, you were reposting stuff. (Not that I mind *smoochs*)

I honestly had no idea your ask came in, Seal. Like I kept waiting for a notification or anything and checked the askbox a few times before I made myself stop. So yeah, we had some very wattpad-esque “I thought that you didn’t like it! No, I thought you didn’t like it!”, but I’m glad we actually managed to cross paths again

Tumblr won't and can't get in the way of this relation! Hehe

No one can, pookie, you are the star of my harbour. I got obsessed with “starbour seals” recently, that’s just seals drawn with a lot of stars or like constellations so hence weird analogies. Don’t mind me

Stawp, you've got me tripping on my shoe laces. *giggles*

*twirls my hair* can’t promise anything, but I could try to catch you and say a very cheesy “don’t go falling for me just yet”. And like throw my hair over the shoulder and wink at you before mysteriously walking into the sunset

Honestly I don't mind! Might sound weird, but it's fun if !reader does not-exactly neutral stuff and shows interests and skills. Keep being self-indulgent bb, I'll eat every single fic of yours up.

I honestly really like it in fics I usually read because it’s so fascinating to see a little more of writers range when they bring something new in. It feels less plastic-y or like less sterile and it makes Reader in a way also real. So yeah, I had fun making a little more live Reader

Hit me up whenever bb, I'll always reply. (Not if I crash in my motorbike but huuh)

Motorbike? *bats my lashes* bb, I’m already calling as we speak, on my way to book a meet up someplace nice *leans on the doorframe trying to look like a proper bad boy from the movies* how’d you feel about Italian? I am willing to share breadsticks

Baby, baby, you must know that I read at least 85% of your fics, so yes, I already read "The Big, The Bad and the Wolf" and Acceleration AU. (I'm patiently and lovingly waiting for next chapter, *smoochs*)

Damn, you are fast! Not that I’m complaining, I’m glad you are having fun there

OMG NO, I saw it in your masterlist but nothing was linked.. I'LL READ IT AS SOON AS I FINISH WRITIN THIS. OHMYGOD. Your asks inbox will be filled by me.

Maybe it’s tumblr being a bitch again cause I could have sworn it is linked

I'm filling your inbox now, good luck everybody else! (Tell me you get the ref, pftt)

I do not, but I also do not mind you filling the inbox of mine, you are always very welcome here😌🙌

I'm going to squish you author, you sound so digestible and sweet.

I’m very not digestible and probably very sour but like this hard-ass apple-flavoured candies that can break a tooth on a person. So beware😗

Okay.. yes.. yes... mhmh..

Giggled at the tone of that

Whatever drugs he's on, get me a batch too. LMAO.

Trust me…you don’t want them. You don’t want them, pookie, the man is delusional because he is. Also Simon, my beloved, is just straight up a guy that saw Reader, got immediately obsessed and proceeded to speed run the whole meet and greet

I'd cry, hard and scream, then start swaying my knife and pepper spray in your nose.. If I die I'll drag you with me. #eyeforaneyeandwellallgoblind

Lmao, whatever you say, bb. But we might both go blind since using pepper spray inside…I’m gonna be groaning on the floor, you gonna be crying in bed. Both of us blind and coughing

Honestly.. I should definitely worry, on second thought I might not need to know why..

🙂

No. Me. (giggling)

*rolls up my exam papers and smacks your shoulder* nein😒

It is a good thing, it means that you hit every good spot and made me see hell and back <3

Ohhhhh, I’m really glad then! Your pleasure is my pleasure of however it’s said

You did amazing, so so proud of you !

Thank you😌🙌

Sadly, or luckily for you, I'm a starved seal for your works, I'll take anything, any scrap, even just a word. So, nop, dun worry sweetheart, recommend me anything. I'll obsess over it.

Cool! Cause I’m only gonna get weirder from here! So buckle in. Or like grab the steering wheel, I don’t drive, I’m a passenger princess.

I get it bb, dun worry your pretty brain about such frivolous things.

*giggles and kicks my feet* aw, you think my brain is pretty?

That's adorable, I pat you. Byebye.. See you soon.. *never leaves*

Audibly cackled at that. Make yourself at home, you’d probably share the askbox with honeyed yea anon, they are somewhere around here. Still plotting my swift kidnapping to a quiet soundproof place with blankets.

Left a seal hide last time btw, now I have a seal hide in my imaginative lair, god bless them. Shout out to you, honeyed tea anon, gotta be my favourite kidnapping.

[riewritten]

what do you think Erwin considers himself that he sucks at but at the same time he enjoys doing it? suddenly i thought of tiktoks that are like "having a hobby you're bad at is okay". do you have any hobbies you consider yourself not good at too?

tbh i think the "bad" and "good" stuffs are all social constructs, but i'm still struggling with crocheting just bc i think i suck but at the same time i know that's something i do for relax. still sometimes i can't afford to think that way??? do you have the same problem and have you overcome it? i have no idea if this is a prompt or just me asking you stuffs.

do you often project what you're thinking into your writing and visual arts and any other form of art?

oh my god this is getting nowhere 🥲🥲 thank you for reading Rie. have a good day!!!

THE BEST BIRTHDAY

ERWIN SMITH X GEN NEUTRAL!READER

TAGS: fluff, slice of life, kissing, comfort, office romance AU, idiots in love, insecurities, and AAAA HAPPEE BIRTHDAY ERWIN (this also goes with my most recent ask)

WORDS: 2.9k

hi @frenchdyer ❤ i know i took this long bc i've been thinking about this. like the otherworldly self-reflectio i only tend to have once in a year or whenever i'm PMS-ing lol. how's your crocheting? were you able to improve somehow months after you had sent me this msg? my sister gifted me a crochet kit, so i've been planning to learn, too!

on a personal note, the hobby i suck at but enjoy doing nonetheless is drawing! perhaps it's a self-esteem issue, but i've been drawing since i was 5. the passion came to me even before i learned how to write! due to the amount of years i've been trying to master it only to have minimal progress, i can say drawing is smth i can never admit i'm good at. but i came to terms to it now (when i was in highschool i was so insecure about it lol) and bc i did, i draw things to enjoy, not bc i'm utterly pressured to improve!

On the surface, even his closest friends would have a different time answering this question. It's Erwin we're talking about, after all! The literal embodiment of academic perfection and charisma!

Erwin also wants to think of something other than an answer. Although he admits his flaws well when someone points them out, he wants to be good at everything as much as possible. For a perfectionist like him, self-admittance would mean giving up!

It is until you said something that made him recnsider. "Sometimes, I don't see you as a human."

In hindsight, the context of your question was, "What do you want to have for your birthday?" but Erwin seems to be the type to already have the things he'd want and need in life, perhaps if one were to speak materially. Every gift he'd receive would only impact him a little, and you want to change that.

He chuckles at the remark, amused as your features remain serious, "Do I feel like an alien?"

"Dunno," you shrug without turning up at him—only at the papers, hiding a frustrated blush. "And if you're actually a slimy organism underneath? It scares me."

You hear the office chair sliding towards you, and as swift as ever, Erwin's hand is on top of yours. He squeezes it gently, and you try to hold your fluster by glaring at him. Luckily. Only the two of you are in the office; what would the others say if they saw this? You and Erwin made it clear to keep your relationship hidden by acting 'decent' in public places.

He lets you feel its warmth first, although unsure of the reason why, then he guides your hand towards his cheeks. He presses your palm on it. 

"W-what?"

Erwin casually leans his cheek to your palms, albeit with a tranquil expression contrary to you, perhaps amusingly watching your reaction. "Mind repeating what you said earlier?"

"I said underneath. Hypothetically. And I don't mean it literally as well."

"Underneath? Well, that's quite a unique way of asking me to—"

You swatted your hand away and lightly hit his chest as you couldn't hold the fluster. "Stop playing with me. I'm not done yet."

"Well, I'm done."

"Please don't make it my problem."

"I'm actually offering to help."

You perk up in glee. If Erwin's to help, then you might as well consider yourself done. You pulled your chair away from your desk so Erwin could look at it.

However, Erwin asks something completely unrelated amidst the heap of your paperwork. "Why do you not see me as a human?"

"You feel like some sort of god."

"Silly, that's a metaphor that would fit you more."

"Oh, you. Stop flustering me." you huff in sarcasm. "You know about the crocheted scarf I was planning to give you before winter ends?"

"Yeah, and it's summer already. I'm still waiting for it, though."

"I threw it away."

"Huh?" Erwin looks at you in surprise, eyebrows twitched in confusion, perhaps in a whine. He knows you've been trying so hard for it. "Why would you?"

"I'm not good at it."

"But you were enjoying it. You told me so."

"Not because I enjoy it means I'm good at it," you then smile in defeat. "Let's just say I'm not as fast at learning as you are, no matter how much the task interests me. Maybe that's why I sometimes can't deem you human, too. Too good for me, I think."

Erwin could only observe you afterward. You don't try to make it a big issue, none but admittance that unpretentiously comes out of your mouth. As much as it is, perhaps, concerning self-esteem, Erwin is the one hit by it. The way you could admit your flaws a bit too easily and go home without pondering on it is something he couldn't easily do even if he tried. It takes one to help overcome an insecurity and another to admit his own.

"That's not true."

"It is. You really excel at everything, Erwin. That's something I also yearn to have for myself. You don't have flaws. Or, well, let's say you have one, but no normal being can see it so easily."

Well, you were able to lay down his flaws then and there. After all, he's having difficulty coming to terms with his flaws—or perhaps, on saying such admittances out loud. You are right. As much as Erwin demands you to open yourself up to him, some facets stay unsaid because he opts to and wants to remain an ideal image, perhaps one who can only admit his inadequacy if someone points it out. You're the complete opposite, though. You could admit your flaws and still end the day happily. The 'incompatibility', or so you might call it, could be giving him a hard time consoling you.

Oh, and when he recently enjoys consoling you the most. He really appreciates having you open up to him, enjoys the privilege of being able to take care of you as you let him, enjoys listening to your blabbers, and offers resolutions just like the strategic man he is. After all, he's one of the few people who sees that.

Only if he doesn't suck doing it.

"Oh no, did I say something that upset you?" you ask worriedly, sensing his silence.

And he's not the one to be given comfort right now, or so he thinks. It's as if you hit a nail, albeit unaware of how and where it hit him.

Just as if closing the distance is the needed nudge, Erwin pulls your figure towards him, holds both cheeks and surrenders to sweet kisses. Erwin's lips are warm, and the pace is languid. Yet, it's overwhelming enough to deprive you of your senses, let alone the urgent question of why he is suddenly acting the way he is. This might be the first time he got intimate with you inside the workplace. You know this type of kiss from him, too—he does it whenever he's dreary or after working on a significant research paper that got him weary.

The worry reverberates, and thus, you withdraw from the kiss, "Is this because of the scarf? I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have thrown it away. Don't worry, I'll make another one and—hmph!"

He cuts you off for another kiss, harsher this time, perhaps classified as a silent sulk for cutting off the lovely exchange, but no—you're wrong. It's not on you at all. Erwin is frustrated with himself. He holds onto your waist until you're seated on his lap and wraps his hand around your neck to press you further to his chest—hoping it would compensate for the distance you two have due to his inadequacies. To be great in giving you solace is to be vulnerable and imperfect; how could he do that?

He withdraws when both of you need air, albeit begrudgingly, "I'm sorry, Erwin. I know you waited for that scarf."

"No, it's not about that."

"Then what?"

He pretended to ponder for a few seconds, eyes roaming the room to gather his words. He pursed his lips before pointing out, "Don't you think the way you perceive me as a human far beyond you is a flaw I might have? Partners are not supposed to see each other that way."

"I'm merely exaggerating."

"Yes, but still."

"Are you saying you must apologize to me because you're such a perfect being?"

"No, because I'm failing to show you that I'm not."

Oh. 

You finally see where he's coming from. "Are you failing by choice?"

He averts his gaze away, "Yes."

"Then it can really be a flaw," you flash him a sympathetic smile, moving his face so he'd see you in the eyes again, "can you tell me why?"

“I'm not brave enough to show it the way other people do."

"You just did, honey."

"Not because I want to, but because I'm insecure about my inability to console you like a normal partner would. The way you perceive me right now says a lot about our distance. And mind you, doing this isn't even supposed to be this hard."

Both of you stopped. That is by far the most vulnerable thing he had said about himself since you started dating months ago—and it wouldn't even sound vulnerable unless it came out of Erwin's mouth. That's how hard he's been all this time.

He expects you to be annoyed. After all, that might be one of the shallowest reasons he had ever given, too.

But then you smile as if you appreciate him for saying that much—just as if you know it takes a lot for the Erwin Smith to admit something like that, "It's not something you can unlearn overnight. Do not fret."

He lets out a defeated chuckle, "That I know well."

"What's strange is that I'm not your first partner. How come this didn't become a problem with your previous ones?"

"Because people are content to perceive me that way. At some point, I preferred that, too. Honestly—" he leans his head on your shoulder, hands on your waist to keep your balance on his lap, "had it not affected the way I console you, I would prefer things to stay that way."

You pepper him with kisses all over his face, something he accepts as a reward, "Honestly, I would prefer you this way, too. A relationship with a god can be a bit of a struggle, after all."

"Indeed it is. What a struggle I have right now."

You glare at him, "What do you mean by that?"

He shakes his head nothing, hands lurking inside your shirt to feel you more, to shower you with reverence, "Let me finish this now. I miss our bed."

Today is his birthday, and you still need to think of a gift that could be deemed special.

As a last-minute reflection before giving up the gift that has been frustrating you for days, you try to ponder on the previous days since he opened up.

Erwin has become more talkative since then. He's always been chatty towards you since you started the relationship, especially when info dumping. However, this has a stark difference. He's trying too much as if matching an expectation no one but him had set up. Wording it as "forced" would perhaps hurt, but it's not something you could deny, either. Only when afternoon came did you realize how to fix it, with Erwin on a couch and crochet yarns on his lap. He has his phone at the coffee table and the familiar tutor video playing in the background. Eventually he sighs, unties the yarn, and repeats—this time with much precision, and you couldn't help but smile. When Erwin is about to learn something new, he locks himself in his office and spends the whole day studying it alone. Only now did you finally unravel why, and it's apparently part of his mentioned flaw that night.

He might be forcing himself lately, but it's the adjustment that counts.

Erwin perks up in surprise when you sit beside him and hold his hand. You guide his fingers into the correct way of tying the knot. You didn't say anything, and maybe you even tried to act like it's an everyday routine. Erwin pretends to listen and pick up the techniques you're blabbering, but in reality, he's just looking at your face. His lips are flat but twitching as he's trying to hold the urge to steal a kiss. He tries to inhale longer to indulge in the scent of your hair but not too much to call your attention. And as the moment passes, thirty minutes, perhaps because the video's finally done playing in the background, Erwin realizes something.

Just… just what held him back from being like this towards you? This is, in fact, a short step. The bare minimum, even. And even so, it felt genuinely liberating. Indeed, he's been forcing himself to be vulnerable recently, but this is the first time it exuded a positive feeling. 

Your hands gently stop, the instruction's done, and Erwin only realizes when you turn to look him in the eye, "You get it?"

"The what?"

"Huh?"

"Oh," Erwin tries to recall what his blank, sappy head might have digested so far, only to no avail. The only thing coming up in his mind right now is the smell of your shampoo. Perhaps his nerdy brain is trying to guess the unfamiliar flavor mix and earn your praise once his guess is correct. "I—uh—"

"You didn't listen at all."

He smiles, guilty.

You sigh, "I'm quite persistent, you see. We're not eating dinner until we both master this knot."

"Wouldn't this wait? I'm not in the mood anymore."

You shake your head and untie the yarn. But just as you're about to quip at his newfound impatience (and how cute he is trying to get the hang of it like a little kid learning origami), Erwin grasps the tool away from your hands and cups your cheeks.

He first lands a chaste peck on your forehead, then the bridge of your nose, then the tip of it, then the two cheeks, and finally, it deepens when he reaches for your mouth.

And because you are indeed a persistent being, you have no idea how shamelessly grateful Erwin was when you did more than just pull him in. He tried to stop himself, after all, for seconds in case it'd do anything better. Maybe you're not in the mood; perhaps you want to see the side of him not knowing better and learning things together. But when his palm glided on your cheek and your eyes widened in response, the tremor in his nerves overpowered the need to ask. 

Perhaps the tremor was gratitude because here he is, not getting any younger, and yet, this is only his first genuine step to face his vulnerability. 

You kiss him back and wrap your arm around his neck to pull him in, albeit quite sure why he's suddenly kissing you like this.

Unlike the previous one, his kisses are full of gentleness, and not a tinge of frustration can be seen. His hands, although huge and hard, slide inside your shirt so softly to feel your bare skin. You withdraw a bit to ask what might be the matter, but quickly forget the question when you see his face. He's blushing as though it's the first time he has kissed like this. His eyes are pretty lidded, lips a bit open, and you realize that although you had seen this expression before, it was for a very brief moment—not immediately after a chaste kissing session. 

He looks at you, quite disappointed for cutting the kiss short again. He grabs you by the ankle until you're sitting on his lap.

"Did something happen?"

He shakes his head, "Saying it out loud would be sappy."

"If you think I'd forgive you for spacing out while I'm—kyah!"

He starts sucking on your neck, "Shut up and don't ruin the moment."

"The what? Hey, don't mark on it. I'm warning you."

Erwin really wants to explain his thoughts. He's sure you'd be glad if you were to know all of this. Even though he could never perceive this as a significant step beyond, he bet you'd be giggling and jumping once you know.

He looks up and tries to explain but realizes how tired he is holding everything in—it took him decades. Erwin addressed it only after loving someone so ardently that he was willing to give up years-long prideful habits—all to love you more. He is exhausted, and your lips are so soft and so near, offering the sheer comfort he needs. It's parted slightly; if his tongue were to slip inside, it would send him into great bliss. Erwin is exhausted right now; perhaps he’d share his thoughts after this overwhelming, trembling warmth subsides.

For now, he at least tries to give a small context, "This is the best birthday I've ever had."

"Y-you think so?!" What have you done? You've been thinking about it for months! How could it happen without you knowing? "We spent the day indoors. We haven't even done anything special yet."

"You'd get quite full of yourself if you knew."

"You're trying to escape for not listening to my crochet blabbers."

"I don't want to get sappy today. Can't we just continue?"

"Well, uh… I really want to know what I did," you avert your gaze away. "I've been at the edge lately, thinking of ways to make you say you got the best birthday today—with me. Now that you finally say it, however…"

Again, it's as if you hit a nail, albeit unsure where and how you did.

"And there you have it. Your answer."

"Huh?" It took you a while to process that. "Because you're with me?"

He nods, albeit in a teasing manner.

"Eek. The sap shudders me."

"That's why I asked if we could just continue where we left off."

"The crocheting, indeed." you tease, but as you're about to reach the tool again, Erwin carries you up in his arms. He doesn't even need to tell you where he'd bring you. The impatient man would straight up lead you to bed to show what he wants.

Instead of scolding him for cutting the lecture off, you sigh and muffle your head in his neck, "You have to thank god it's your birthday today."

"Oh, yes of course," he kisses the crown of your head. "Thank you, dear."

TAGLIST: sorry for causing inconvenience with your notifs, my dears in taglist TT i wasn't planning to publish this tonight but the birthday request activated my brain neurons and said "what if u unload your WIPS and just publish this thing" so yea. sorry. @frenchdyer @watyousayin @collinnmckinley @aeanya @xiaotopia @cadenza-damour @grimistheangerinmystares @rinamars | STORY SUBSCRIPTION FORM

MORE OF SWEET SUBTLETIES SERIES HERE

[scalproie]

"Why are you mad? Bi-han was always evil"

I think what I'm mad about is the removal of underlying tragedy in his story in mk12. Yes, bi-han was, is, and will always be a villain/an antagonist/the "bad" sub zero to counterpart kuai liang's "good" sub zero/scorpion's tormentor in one way or another/"evil" BUT. previously there was nuance that is missing in his mk12 storyline. Its not a good or bad thing per say, I just lament that bc of that, people wont know even less of that nuance.

In previous timelines, bi-han was what the lin kuei was, he wasnt "evil" on his own, he was just the perfect representation of what his clan was because he was shaped by it. His own ambition wasnt really adressed, if he even had any. He was just a cold professional.

Its even more supported in mk: mythologies, the events happen because he has a job to do, not because he wants to. And when things go south he actually goes and fix his mistakes. He also both kills (hanzo) and spares (sareena) people in this game.

It's also now that I realize BOTH sub zero brothers dont really... start stuff. Things happen to them and they react to it but big events dont really happen because of their actions. They're both pretty passive. (and yes even killing scorpion. It happens bc of the clan rivalry. Not really bc bi-han has personal beef with hanzo)

It's when he's killed and become noob saibot that he becomes fully evil thanks to the corruption of his soul, and the focus on his own ambition is then pushed forward. But that's not an accurate representation of who bi-han was. Here's some confirmation from mk:deception

anyway long story short, in the previous timelines:

Bi-han (alive): neutral

Noob saibot: evil

And outside of mythologies, we have seen very little of neutral bi-han

Now in mk12: bi-han's ambition is THE FIRST THING about his character, its his drive. The lin kuei is also no longer smth he is appart of, HE IS the lin kuei, where he goes the lin kuei follows, and not because of his skills (and that wasnt smth ever implied in mk12) but by birthright, so his path to """evil""" is his own path and not something he was forced into. So in other words, its his own choice, there's not something inherently tragic about his situation from lack of agency like it was before.

And it's not inherently a bad thing like. It works in the story. It's okay if this bi-han is """"""evil"""""" from day 1. Bi-han has to be an antagonistic force (but when put in comparaison to other characters like mileena who's a protagonist and whose defining rivalry with kitana has been erased its mmmmmmh kinda unfair. But im not here for that. Thats my own bias). Before in previous timelines he was part of a small, unrelated to everything else (for the most part) sidestory, he was legit just a guy, but now he is part of a larger interconnected one and we NEED antagonists.

But yeah it's like. Despiste being originally a neutral-aligned character, my man gets an awful rep where this part of him is either unknown or ignored and he gets branded evil without knowing fully why. Plus we havent seen much of "neutral" alive bi-han at all and his relationship with his brother has still never been explored as of late. And now mk12 is going to make it even harder to convince people that bi-han is, while not GOOD or misunderstood or smth like that, not ENTIRELY BAD. He was a victim of circumstances. but now he is the circumstance.

[cursezoroark]

OoooOoOooo.....you wanna make an oc x canon ship with Taka sooooo bad.....join meeeeeee/ silly.

But uh. Yeah. Unless Mercury does get hit with sledgehammer I don't. Know if it'll work hgvhvgvgvcg. It's really dependent on what you do with them lol.

- R

SEE ok the thing is. I think Taka does like Mercury romantically. The entire time in the desert as I was playing I was thinking “is he flirting. Is he flirting in a rlly sad way.” And then the train car scene happened and I died. I was charmed. I’m so easily charmed by sad pathetic men. I give him a little kiss. I knew he was getting stabbed later though so rip to him.

But Mercury is like. poison in a bottle that isn’t neutralized yet and they Know they would probably be bad for him. They probably have an idea about it. But they don’t engage w it because 1. They’re in the fucking desert and got electrocuted to hell and back + wow that’s a beheaded person! they need some quiet. And 2. They actually like Taka as a person, and wants them to be on their level. They don’t think they’re good for him in that manner. They like having someone that knows what it’s like to (REDACTED) so. rare scenario where they’re unsure how to approach this.

ah but don’t get me wrong they do find him attractive. But not in the sentimental value (as of me writing this). I don’t know I can’t rlly see Mercury fully going all mushy romance rlly. U have to work rlly hard to charm a charmer. Either have smth severely wrong w u (Flora lmaooo) or be someone painfully earnest. Which Taka is slowly turning to be. But again, Mercury’s a person I slam down who doesn’t “want to be tied down”. Whether or not that changes (and even if it’s w Taka) is up in the air.

[fagsystem]

I have stopped syscoursing so much. But I keep thinking about arguments about neutrality.

'Okay but what if someone was neutral on you being trans?'

That does not work because those who are against people being trans fucking murder us. That is an instance of one side is loving and supportive and the other side Fucking Murders Us.

If you are GOING to compare it to something LGBTQ+, literally aspec discourse is right there. Because that, like syscourse, is discourse about exclusionism.

'Okay but what if someone was neutral on you being aromantic?'

Okay. They can do that. I do not really care that much about them having no opinion on me not experiencing romantic attraction. They do not have to.

'Okay but what if they're neutral on whether or not aspecs are LGBTQ+? If they were friends with people who think aspecs don't belong in the LGBTQ+ community?'

I do not care.

First of all, being neutral does not mean being neutral on people being assholes.

I don't know what it is about discourse that makes you think that those who are not directly in your group think maltreatment of you is fine. I do know, it is in group out group mentalities.

Fun fact, people have morals that exist outside of specific and niche internet discourses. Shocker, I know. People generally think it is bad if others, say, send death threats to or harassment campaigns against others. Yes, even if they are pretty neutral on the debate it comes from.

Like man, I got real issues going on. Someone being neutral on others including or excluding my aromanticism from the LGBTQ+ community is not a real issue. It IS a problem if they are neutral on maltreatment of aspecs, that's shitty, but it's not a discourse thing as much as it is, "Wow, you really think it's okay to treat people like that."

Because yeah I do face bullshit for being aromatic. No, nothing justifies that maltreatment. No, it is not fine that I get treated like that because other minorities face different kinds of bigotry.

But like even the transmed comparsion shit is just. Not a thing you can bring up. Because the minority in question, trans people, cannot access life saving healthcare if the transmeds win and those they do not deam 'trans enough' get excluded from being legally allowed to live as their genders.

Like man I showed up to a t shot appointment in a sports bra and skirt had the realisation that if I lived somewhere else, I would be denied my t shot and probably taken off of t entirely.

Like it's just so baffling to me how you think you can compare these real fucking world problems to internet discourse like this. Sorry but my siblings are dying because of this. And I'm not going to say aphobia isn't a problem because a lot of it is online, like it impacts me and my friends and it's fucking shit. I'm not saying it's not shit. I'm same category of shit that non-cdd plurals face.

You can talk about problems and even compare it to other problems for the sake of communicating your point. Just, yk, if your whole argument rests on comparing it to something that is just so unbelievably fucking different that costs people their lives. Don't. Don't actually do that. There's a really fucking good equivalent for if you NEED to compare it to smth LGBTQ+

[kuunibal]

oh.. I guess it's not obvious then. you are right abt the start of the playlist, overly sexualized and changin myself to be appealing. abt yearnin to be seen as me yet terrifed of what that means. but rather a focus on feminity and how bein known as a gay man means that your femininity is only acceptable when sexualized. how being soft is smth to be mocked, to hide, to be shamed. the yearnin to be soft, to be loved, yet havin to force myself to be sexualized... but the ending is far happier. i feel bad + scrawny is the shift from tryin to fake to tryin to find a middle ground still toyin with fear, video games poking at the idea of my true self and gettin relieved when my partner still loves me when I am soft and feminine rather than this... "dommy mommy" I suppose. and girlfriend well... it's a celebration of our new relationship... not as gay men... but. mh, even on anon it's hard to say. I hope I get my point across by pointing out the shift from unrest with masculinity to neutral finding a middle ground to acceptance and celebration of feminity. and why my yearnin to be accepted in feminity was far, far scarier and more contemplating "will I still be loved?" and forcing myself to fit into the role I had agreed upon when startin the relationship than persay it might be for someone else cause I technically was already feminine... I feel stupid but I choke on actually typin it out anywhere in public but I still desire to be known. strange. but it's about change I suppose...

and perhaps I was correct when talkin to someone the other day that with these concepts, we only talk abt it directly usually, and not what it means and the other fears that it can entangle with it and become a beast beyond just that so perhaps it wouldn't be obvious to someone not directly told. that the narratives we are fed are far from the reality of it. how yes this playlist is abt that, but it's also tied to my obsession with my appearance, fear of abandonment, sexual desire, and body insecurities beyond fitting into it. but those things are innately tied along with it. I'm a person- I can't neatly seperate my issues.

I felt like the icon and the bright pink gave myself away but I am a master of disguise. I give you partial credit /j ~🎵

(I could also copy paste my essay on this playlist but that is both explicit abt the issue + long as fuck + don't want that in public lmao)

I am glad your original intentions did not end as negatively as my interpretation! It is good that you are more accepting of yourself and your femininity, and I am glad you have a partner who supports you. I understand why you would not want to fully publicise your explanation given how personal it is with your fears and insecurities attached. That being said, I appreciate you trusting me with this, and it is interesting to see your perspective on the concept.

[tokencisgirl]

that post thats like 'things in your life will get as bad as possible before they get better' literally not true for m-- welllll in 2022 i was so anxious about shit i literlaly couldnt swallow my own spit and then proceeded to reconnect with my platonic other half but here im referring to recent stuff -- e bc while Yes while recovering from my mental illness shit has made me aware of Every single time i do a bad habit/etc, it's been...pretty fine?

like, every time there IS a bad thing in my life, big or small, it's still -- this has jackshit to do with recovery idc Read my words boy -- theres still other good stuff. a whole lot of adulthood for me has been finding out that it's good and bad, neutral, that people will help if you're visibly struggling to hold smth heavy (literal) and ask if you're okay if you look like youve been crying/zoning out/etc, buttt also they might have this or that pet peeve or be inconsistent or what have you. making a phone call asking when your appointment is bc you forgot and feel stupid abt it but it turns out fine because It's That person's job and they'll probably forget minutes after you hang up etc. it's good and bad. it's pretty okay

sorry lol every single time i face any stage in my life ever as an adult it always turns out fucking fine or good or So much better than it used to be or pleasantly surprising or relieving or not so difficult after all or Hard but literally every single person around me has done it before and is super willing to help me with and tell me how to do it and that its not that big a deal etc etc etc And it makes me SUPER resentful of the adults that were around me when i was a teen that would ONLY say 'oh being a kid rocks being an adult is torture just kys before you get Old (20. they were talking about being in their 20s) lmao i wish id died rather than become an adult'

cause like i'm sorry i know a lot of life circumstances are not super controllable atp and i do wonder how much of my life being pretty okay is due to me Having Money, but everything my life has been even at the worst parts since i moved out makes me think holy fuck were these sad sacks of shit TRYING to have a shit life??? probably because they were relying on a 16 year old making Nice Posts to feel better about themselves and treating her (me!) like an angel reincarnated for it. but life gets better and better and better the older i get, the more i learn, the more people i see, the more things ive experienced, the more awful shit ive been through/done and that i learn from, the more people i hate and the more i love the people that i love, like... how the fuck does your life manage to be WORSE than when you were a TEENAGER? or is it that you never mentally/emotionally grew from whatever dogshit from your Teenage Torture Cycle and then got bills to pay on top of it :msnblush:??? /sorry this is snarky. i hate these people for making me dread a future that outshines the life i lived then in pretty much every single fucking way and every time i'm like I Want to go forward, actually, i'm excited to and anticipating what's next in my early adulthood steps of life, it's just.. man. way to be a role model in my life at the time

point is adulthood rocks getting older rocks my life has bad facets yeah but it's worth it and continuing to move and grow and do stuff and Make Phone Calls and Deliberate over how to spend my money helps me build a better life and future and not the opposite. the people around me were wrong, this rocks actually. i like to expect bad stuff Just in case but it's largely been fucking fine and where it hasnt ive bounced back pretty quick. Life is not that bad. it's worth it. i have things to look forward to. i anticipate a better and better life the more i learn and the more i step into recovery things that are so new to me now, they'll become second nature later and then i'll spend my energy healing other things that tear at me and the more this happens the less i have to suffer about and Life Good. mmmhaha

[snow-and-saltea]

hummm. im just shooting into the dark with no expectation that anyone will actually answer me, but this is something ive been sitting on a bit.

usually when i experience something disturbing or traumatising or smth puts me in extreme grief, i don't talk to anyone about it. that's usually the default until me-on-therapy reminds me that, actually, you need to talk to people about these things, you need to let people know what you look like and how you feel.

but im confused. do i reach out to people as im experiencing them? bc on one hand i think that's bad bc im just putting this weight on them, knowingly, because i cant handle it myself. but on the other hand, when im left alone long enough, i can figure out the "answers" or reaffirm myself somewhat. or at least enough to keep myself manageable.

but like as i start to think about all the times i kept to myself to find the answers for myself... i realised that it wasn't smth i did naturally, it was just something i had to do to get by. a lot of my issues started with not being able to talk to someone about things and because i am and feel so alone in experiencing grief and sadness and anger, that in itself becomes a sort of "trigger" as well.

im just confused i guess. this might be a chicken or the egg first situation. im not sure if i was just predisposed to solve my own problems (and that in itself caused other accidental problems) or i was just forced to solve my own problems, and bc of doing it more, was able to get better at it even though it wasn't my natural inclination. but the answer is prolly somewhere in the middle; i am someone predisposed to try to figure things out on my own in my head both because it was convenient for me (didnt have to confront the fear of asking for help) and because it came naturally (not good at asking for help so i got better at it on my own).

i know that i'm very much an introvert though, which i feel confident in saying. even in positive or neutral times, i liked engaging with the outside world (Doing Stuff, talking w people etc), but i had no problem just absorbing things by reading or watching stuff and staying in my head about them. i'm trying to break out of my shell more about sharing myself w others to be friendly and create Good Vibes / encourage honesty and transparency w others (bc its important to me). but other than that, i don't have much of a desire for attention as a person, and i really like privacy as much as i'm allowed to have.

i do let my walls(?) down consciously when the situation necessitates, but it doesn't come easily or naturally for me to talk about myself, just because i like to flow along w the conversation getting to know others instead (but i realise that's hypocritical of me to only take in information and not give them out, so i try to make conscious effort towards that end). i've also been realising and discovering the small joys and fears that comes when someone sees you, in any shape or form, and how... energetic it makes me. the thought that someone thinks of me even when i am not there makes me tear up. the thought that i have people i might never meet wish me well makes me tear up, too. the thought that i could hurt and be hurt by these people makes me scared. but its all one and the same, so i try to welcome it all equally. only welcoming good times while chasing off bad ones makes for fair weather friends, which is definitely not what i want to be.

hummmm. im not sure where this thought leads me for now, but ill end this here and come back to it if ever. thank you to anyone who decides to read my rambling

[green-t-ea]

15 mutuals 15 questions

Oh boy thanks for the @ @overlyemotionalbreakfastcereal gonna try and do this even if Tumblr is fighting me.

1. Are you named after anyone?

Yes actually, my middle name is after one of my Nana's sisters.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Idk probably last week, I see cute stuff and cry

3. Do you have kids?

Do my dogs count? If so yes

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I use irony sometimes an sarcasm a fair bit, but I try to keep the vast majority of what I say very genuine.

5. What sports have you played?

I used to run long distance track and field, but I'm physically disabled so I wasn't very good at it and I haven't done a sport since.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

What's the first thing I see? A discord pfp, Tumblr username, hair, height? Depends.

7. What's your eye color?

My eyes are a very neutral grey/green so it changes depending on the lighting a fair bit.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Tragedies and action. A little of both.

9. Any special talents?

Does being able to bend all my joints backwards due to a disability count?

10. Where were you born?

Unfortunately, in nunya buis ness

11. What are your hobbies?

Drawing, sculpture, writing, watching bad movies

12. Do you have pets?

Many dogs

13. How tall are you?

5'5 smth

14. Favorite school subject?

Biology and chemistry, any science really.

15. Dream job?

Trophy husband (this is a joke)

As for people I'm gonna tag, not many tbh I don't think? Feel free to do this game either way

@piconoodle @skyscream3112 @chaggle @magsinthe @goofusfurball @unidentified-flying-gremlin @cyberdanse @pacmanthepeach

[pacifymebby]

I get what you're talking about with the detachment thing. But I've been thinking lately, maybe happiness is kinda overrated. Or rather, we put so much pressure on it, have such high expectations... No wonder it feels like you're a failure if your life doesn't look like a supercut in a film. I think also, I've read smth about brain chemistry - happiness is not a feeling, but more like an emotional state. It shows up over a long period of time, of sometimes good days, sometimes bad, but with that undercurrent of tiny joys each day. Sometimes - not always, but sometimes - all it takes is just switching your awareness to these tiny joys. And sometimes dying your hair bright pink does the trick😂

Not sure what I'm saying here, maybe I'm just sending you a virtual hug🤍

Hi lovely, thank you for sending me this!!! Yeah I guess there's a difference between happiness which is like you say a long term thing you see over time thats like a collection of little joys (which I try so hard to look for every day haha) and like, just like a content neutral/ peace which is probably what I actually feel I'm missing. Its like every time I pull myself together and start to settle down this heavy gloom sets in out of nowhere. Its kind of like when you're just walking down the street minding your own business and the wind blows and suddenly you feel really cold. Like that comes upon me out of nowhere and just stays. Like it freezes me from the inside out and I feel like I've swallowed snow and I'm full of sadness suddenly.

I think you're right though and it does generally help me to look for the little joys. And you're right too about how are we supposed to feel happy when we're comparing our life to the supercut of a film. Like lately ive been getting so sad that I'm 25 and not at all where I wanted to be by now, I feel really held back by everything. Like for real all I want (and I mean this with the whole of my heart btw no matter how unfeminist it sounds) is to have a little house that feels like home, to be married to B, to have a wee baby and like idk, be a stay at home mum. Motherhood is my main aspiration in life and if this was the 90s I'd be financially secure enough to have all that right now but because its the 2020s and there's no fcking money anywhere I can't even live with B yet and the idea of ever getting to be a stay at home mum that home schools the wains is so far fetched and unrealistic.

And yeah, running away and starting from scratch wouldn't get me that either, but my alternate dream is to be a lonely artist living a quiet and solitary life, the mystery girl in the Tesco metro, the one who drinks flasks of tea by herself on the beach and goes home and writes books. And I know when I therapise myself the only reason I turn to this alternate dream is that I have that classic low self esteem complex where I don't think I deserve my actual dream.

Anyways sorry for ranting so much. Thank you for the virtual hug. I'm hopefully getting my nose pierced this week so maybe thats the same as dying your hair pink who knows haha

<3 <3 <3

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

Dude the thing i think is so cool is how charlie condi and bizly seem 2 think niklaus is the big bad guy of riptide and will inevitably be fought someday. Bc like. Idk that just feels like it Wont happen. Bc like. Niklaus isnt a Bad guy. And he also doesnt want to fight, thats one thing grizz said in his vvery first encounter. Niklaus doesnt Wanna fight anyone he just wants. Whatever it is he wants idrk that much tbh but its like idk. He wants maybbe a good story, or to have fun makin deals or to be like the dm of this silly world or whatever it is he wants. And hes like. So incredibly neutral in everything and so just. Like. Hes obviously very powerful, and ovviously has a lot of ties to everything, but smth important abt him is that he Isnt A Bad Guy andni juet think its so cool how like the 3 players do see him as the main antagonist. Bc like i do sometimes too. But i mean, 106 episodes in, hes never been much of an antagonist rlly ? Like. Hes never negatively impacted the crew, despite making deals with them. The terms of his deals are vague and open ended and could be literally anything. Like, gills favour ? It could literally be fuckin anything, and like we saw in the stone age just roll what if, his intentions with the favour then werent some evil cunning ruse it was just. He needed some help. So he asked. And it was incredibly neutral (even if that what if devolved into chaos, that was because of the albatrio, niklaus never asked them to kill all those people, and the ending is honestly i think just grizz joining in on the chaos bc niklaus' main goal is definitely not to open interdimensional portals to put on a tv show for the prime defenders) anyways that favour is just like. I almost see it as just precautions. Like if niklaus gets in trouble, heres a nice backup plan. And chips is sooo open ended, it depends entirely on gills favour, so thats like. Not Bad Guy Shit either. And jays is SO ambigious. A name and a command?? I think the characters definitelt assume itll be like "kill chip" or some shit like that, but again its just. Fuckin. Neutral. Like all niklaus' deals w the albatrio have been soooo neutral and dependent on what ACTUALLY happens w them, and yet these 3 still see him as the big bad guy BECAUSE of the black ooze n shit w all his other dealmakers. But like. Those ppl asked 4 sorta Eh stuff (mostly. I think). The mayor of loffinlot wanted power i guess, bc he was like. I actually dont remember ok pretend im saying smth smart rn. And like malice wanted fame and wealth n whatever idk she wanted 2 be a celebrity which likeee isnt that bad but like. Okayy I Guess. But like it was a selfish want rlly, whereas chip jay n gills deals havent rlly been that selfish. Like gill wanted 2 help the town, chip wanted to help ollie and know if arlin was okay, and jay wanted to help gill. And likeee we dunno boss blossoms deal but ezme also wanted immortality which is likeee. Yyea. So like the albatrio rlly only asked for selfless shit, and they havent been gooped, and the other deal makers ased 4 selfish shit, and they were gooped. Altho granted, selfishness isnt inherently bad and selflessness isnt inherently good, in these cases its like. Idk im not making sense all i do is put togegher silly patterns and ramble for a long time. Anyways. Niklaus is cool and i loveee morallyy neutral characters hes so silly and its very interesting how the players see him as a bad guy, despite him not rlly being one. The end.

[anawkwardlady]

I'm going to go on a tangent here because that post did mentioned different types of fictional representation of OCD and it reminded of smth.

If you know me a little you know how I'm weary on the whole "romanticization/glorification" discourse because I feel it's just leading to self censoring and so much other issues. But I do think there is a way to talk about this and how harmful it is without falling into a preachy "you shall be humble and reserved about the sacred mental disorder" we often encounter.

OCD as the way it's often presented, leaves me the same bad taste in my mouth as the way concepts like Perfectionism, People Pleaser and Workaholism often do. Because they're labels that are presented as virtues, self sacrificial qualities hidden behind a debilitating trait. Therefore it's easier to cling into those traits and labels and harder to leave them behind. You'd rather be seen as addicted to work than addicted to drugs and you'd rather be seen as obsessed by Perfection than being seen as lazy, you'd rather be the person who's always the victim of other taking advantage of your endless generosity than being seen as selfish.

OCD is something else because it's not the label itself it's often what it entails and how it's reinforced especially today: you'd rather be seen as a cleaning obsessed person (even if those behaviors do not actually make anything cleaner and does nothing but hurting), you'd rather eat yourself alive by being obsessed with having pure thoughts, or being scared all your life of saying/doing the wrong thing than the reverse. Because the second you start working on that, even not consciously, you're getting rid of the pursuit of Purity, so you must be wrong, tainted, mislead somewhere. And it's so easily reinforced by discourse points such as "if you feel disgusted by those thoughts it means you're a good person" "if you think about being bad you can't be bad" and so on and so forth. I think it's interesting that even when we pin point the issues, we dress it up in a way that sounds glorious and we won't get rid of it. We won't get rid of the fantasy of the people who are suffering with that and it doesn't help them. Now I'm just rambling, I have no solution. I said it before, but the recent return to "actually any of your issues is a symptom of self obsession and being a big baby and just go make your bed instead of listening to Lana Del Rey" is just harmful and lacks compassion. I don't think we should tell a "People Pleaser" type that they are secretly being evil and manipulative (even if I wish we were more neutral about the concept of manipulation but its another subject there) for example. I don't know how to balance those things, I just think it's interesting.

As a person, I think I often ignored a lot of my behaviors because I was always failing at the pursuit of perfection. I often self reference as failed type A. Everyone does you'd say, but I was never the stellar, genius mind, I was always a bit behind them, so having those debilitating issues without the functionality seemed straight up humiliating to me. Thats just fascinating retrospectively.

I read a really good post by a creator on patreon on OCD and it's fictional representation. And while I don't officially have it myself or often think about having or not having it, it kinda opened my eyes on how much of my behaviors and distress was put on "Nana being weird and insane again" and left as it is, seen as an inconvenience if not just be being stuck up and difficult, self centered because "if you had actual issues you wouldn't be like that". And it's like, I'm okay, I don't care and I don't think this in particular impacted me but I think about how much people normalize their own behaviors no matter how invasive because of that.

[hirokiyuu]

(ripping my hair out by the handful) Sol Is Not Trapped In The Time Loop Sol Is There Because They Choose To Be

[valiantstarlights]

Your personal trainer Dream is a gift that keeps on giving. And Hob being cutely oblivious and innocent about how Dream wants to break his back like a glowstick (in responsible manner of course). How would Dream react to;

A. Hob working out while wearing the #3 jacket

B. A gymbro, ignoring all survival instincts, and hitting on Hob while he's on the treadmill without Dream around

I love your work lots ❤️ 💕 💖 ♥️ 💜 💗

Thank you for the hearts 🥰 and for making me laugh with responsible back breaking. 😂 I'm glad you like my gym AU. 🙇‍♀️

A. Hob working out (or just being in the Endless Gym) while wearing Dream's 03 letterman jacket

Girl (gender neutral) you know Dream is going to be so smug about this. That's his (future) boyfriend right there, and no one can contest it, because Hob is already wearing his clothes and everyone knows what that means. 😏

He thinks he's super sneaky, and thank goodness Hob is as oblivious as he is, because if he catches wind of it, he'd become even more of a blushing mess, and would try to return Dream's clothes to him because he doesn't want to cause any misunderstandings. And that's the last thing Dream wants.

The staff would definitely start treating Hob differently. Not that they're treating him badly or anything, but they'll start treating him like he's a VIP.

And anyway, he's so sweet and nice and if anyone deserves to be treated like a VIP, it's him.

(IDK if I've mentioned this in the fic yet, but Endless Gym is a ✨️super fancy✨️ gym, and famous people actually go there to work out. The staff are used to treating actual VIPs, but they'll treat Hob like he's a tier above them, maybe just a step below the Endless siblings.)

Hob doesn't know why the staff is suddenly super extra nice to him, but he's happy about it and treats them super extra nicely in return. It's a very wholesome cycle of niceness, and through it all, Dream is so proud of him, internally yelling, 'That's my (future) boyfriend!'

B. A random gymbro hitting on Hob while Dream isn't around

CW: sexual harassment and rapey vibes, but nothing bad actually happens because the gym's staff are amazing and dream is very protective (understatement) of hob 🙏

Now why would Dream be absent? 👀 Meeting Hob is like, the highlight of his week.

Anyway, let's pretend that he's sick or smth and learns about what happened from Lucienne, who always keeps an eye out for potential bullying or sexual harassment cases.

I imagine that Dream would demand to watch the security footage (bc he's insane), so he'll see exactly what happened.

He'll see Hob just minding his own business, running on a treadmill, following the lesson plan even without supervision, just basically being a very good boy for Dream 😏, when this fucknugget man smiles smarmingly at him, hopping on the next treadmill and flirting with him.

Hob just looks confused, but Dream sees him just nod politely and return to his workout. Dream sees the man flirting harder, and Hob just not engaging with any of it, and he eventually leaves when the set time is done.

Dream is breathing fire when he sees the man move to follow Hob to the showers, but thankfully a couple of undercover guards (pretend it's a thing) walk up to the man and very politely tell him to stop it. The man is rude to them, but he doesn't push back and leaves when the guards keep their eye on him and loom menacingly near the showers.

Dream tells Lucienne to commend the two guards and give them a bonus, and focuses on recovering so he could return to work quicker.

When he gets back and sees fucknugget man working out (Hob isn't around because it's a day when he doesn't have a session with Dream), Dream walks up to him and says, "I heard about what happened the other day."

"Yeah," the man grumbles. He looks validated, because oh wow Dream Endless is talking to him. No doubt he'd be on his side. "I was just complimenting someone and some douchebags told me to quit it." He scoffs. "Man wasn't even worth it, to be honest. Just looking for someone to suck my cock, you know how it is, and he looked pathetic enough to want to do it."

Dream inhales, exhales, and smiles like he doesn't want to tear this man's throat out with his teeth.

He is going to ruin this man's life. He has already read through his file when he was still sick, and has contacted one of his private eye connections to investigate the man for anything that would get him in trouble. The bigger the dirt, the more Dream will pay.

"You should be careful," Dream says.

"Ha! Yeah. I'll corner him somewhere quieter next time. Do you think he'll come by later?"

"I mean," Dream says, still neutrally, even if there is a bit of a snarl in his voice, "you should be careful, because everyone has secrets."

(Dream blacklists him on the spot for his words about Hob alone. He then takes his anger out on a punching bag.)

(...He may have destroyed the punching bag.)

(I imagine Dream's private eye connection finds some shady embezzlement stuff on the guy and gets him fired, leaving him next to nothing after his company fired and sued him. The private eye thanks Dream for the tip because the company gave them a reward, but honestly Dream doesn't care about any of that because all he wants is for the man to never bother Hob again.)