on the subject of how friend breakups hurt just as much as romantic breakups... i'm sure someone was on the subject somewhere lmao... i'm having sads tonight even if it was fucking ages ago technically and its my own fault bc I read through some messages idk why i havent deleted... or why i did that. meh. i need a good everything shower and an early night.
Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)
hey. did shen yuan ever accept new disciples to qing jing peak. do you think it ever happened while luo binghe was living at the bamboo house. do you think he poured his shizun tea when the new disciples were welcomed and watched, worried despite knowing shen qingqiu is different now, worried that the new disciples might receive the same kind of welcome he did -- and then irrationally jealous when shen qingqiu welcomes the new disciples with nothing but warmth and kindness, wondering how he made such a bad impression on his shizun and these kids didn't
really love how throughout a lot of smith and jones martha is really skeptical and apprehensive towards ten (+ one of my favorite exchanges between them - "what, people call you 'the doctor'?" "yeah?" "well, i'm not. far as i'm concerned, you've got to earn that title."), not taking everything he says at face value, even doubting the fact he's an alien until over halfway through the episode.. And like. i really truly think the thing that wins her over isn't him kissing her or any of the other insane mixed messages he manages to send, it's this scene here, where he /earns that title/ in her eyes:
(+ david's bit in the commentary, where he says: "[the doctor] has actually sacrificed himself, and - i would say, that that final act of selflessness is what finally, eventually, welds martha to him. [...] and she now returns it. she returns that act of selflessness.")
this is what their relationship is built on. it isn't about martha being the second-best replacement to rose or a rebound or whatever. bc it isn't really about rose. it's about doctor-in-training martha meeting someone (quite literally, "the doctor") whose ideals she aspires to, and doing her best to be the same person to him as he is to everyone else. it's about ten in return admiring her intelligence and inquisitiveness and how she cares for human life, recovering his compassion, letting himself lean on her for support - and then remembering at the most inopportune moments that he's supposed to not need anyone and be on his own forever. And around in their little nightmare loop they go where they save each other over and over until one of them breaks
i've seen ppl look at martha and go "why she does she admire/why is she so in love with ten if he acts like that to her?" or something along those lines and like. it's not just the fact she's in love with him (in fact i'd argue she actively tries to push it aside post-gridlock). it's the fact that she knows he's the kind of person to put everyone else's lives/well-being over his own. she trusts him to save her when she's in trouble even though it's been like two days at most that they've known one another bc she recognizes that same "deep all-encompassing drive to help others" in him. and she also recognizes, much much earlier than him, that he needs someone to save him, especially when he's unwilling to save himself. and yeah for a bit she thinks he returns her feelings and is just playing hard-to-get, but she realizes pretty early on that this probably isn't the case, and i think that realization fully solidifies here:
(this is when she's listening to ten talk abt gallifrey). And idk it might just be me but i think this expression isn't just her empathizing with his loss. it's also guilt, for wanting something from him that he's clearly unable to give when he's wracked with so much grief. (and you see it in the next episode, where tallulah asks if they're together and martha says for certain that they're not, and that he doesn't know about her feelings for him. she keeps everything to herself bc she now knows that when he shut her flirting down at the end of 3x01 it was the genuine reaction of someone who a) isn't interested and b) is scared of getting close with someone else again)
freema described their dynamic as "she's keener than him" and i think about this all the time. martha doesn't really take what ten throws at her. what she does instead is constantly poke holes in his already-failing front of "i will show someone the wonders of the universe so i can ignore what is wrong with me". what she does is stand up and fight him when he tries to go off on his own. what she does is put aside her well-being in favor of helping someone - just like what she saw him do for the people in the hospital when they first met. tldr, that's the doctor and his doctor and rip martha you would've loved who's gonna save u now by rina sawayama
sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.
for as much as we all joke that Mickey forgot Aqua was in the realm of darkness for 10 years, that's not actually true.
he lost track of her for 10 years. he found her again by sheer accident when he ran in there during the events of KH1. he couldn't go back to save her because he had to shut the door, was trying to help Riku get out of his own predicament, and learned about the organization and what they were doing. he spent a year doing who knows what, ill give you that, but there was a LOT of critical things going on immediately after he learned where Aqua was. bro needs a little leeway, if anything, more people should be mad at yen sid for telling Mickey not to mention Aqua. was it a weird as fuck choice? yes. but "he forgot Aqua for 10 years" is a very far cry from what actually happened
the rest of the Heeramandi soundtrack just dropped and it's giving Bajirao Mastani meets Muskurahat from Gangubai meets Qala meets Kavita Seth's work on A Suitable Boy. very interesting soundscape choices Mr. Bhansali sir i approve
inarticulate waffle about dan and boundaries below the cut as to not clog up the dash
dan's attempts at gently setting and reminding his audience of his boundaries is so fascinating. he really did try to have a mutual understanding/respect with people who watched his videos and also followed him on social media of like...letting dinof not be too personal and have some kind of separation betwee dan and dinof (good example: "there are several things in my life that are none of the internet's business" vyou)
this video in particular is interesting because he goes on to talk about being back on dailybooth (which was really personal and intimate) how people should check his out, but it's like he assumes there's the understanding that he's not going to talk about the things on his db on youtube?
like he was way more kind about it than the lawless internet culture warranted and i hate that sometimes there's this picture painted of him that he's always been angry and defensive at his subscribers. i also think it's easy for people who joined the fandom after 2013ish to think he's always had that bubbling resentment but he really did try to be nice about keeping his personal life private (and not just his sexuality but even things like the whole adrian ordeal or people literally commenting/harassing his ex gfs social media)
idk it's easy to assume the angry dinof persona is the genuine dan, especially when you don't see him in other mediums like liveshows or videos of him interacting with fans or even the gaming channel where he doesn't have such a guard up and unmasks a bit. but god he just really is gentle and kind and has spent his career trying to stay that way with the people who support him, despite the reception and consistent disrespect back at him.
this doesn't really have a point other than i don't think he gets enough credit for staying as kind as he is (and i mean real dan, not dystopia daily dan) and still being willing to have the kind of unique bond with his audience that he's always been infamous for (which also is astounding how they've both managed to walk that line so well considering other creators being either too close or too blocked off from their fanbase).
idk it's just interesting how he's trying to say a lot without saying a lot and how this 18 year old kid really hoped for the best in people despite everything. dan has stayed a genuinely a lovely person when most people at this point would have become far more jaded and that's beyond impressive.