#and idk that song......sometimes i do wish i could walk everything back and be happy and still really feel like part of the family

[nessvn]

cant listen to all i ever wanted from the prince of egypt anymore bc i played that song on loop when i first dramatically moved out/ran away and it brings back such vivid memories of that time

[grandtheftaristotle]

Hey so I was inspired by @likeadevils's brilliant album reworkings to do one of my own cause I LOVE finding new ways to procrastinate on homework

I decided to do Speak Now cause it's one of my favourite Taylor albums and while I think the current order is great, it was a fun challenge to try and come up with something else. So here's what I have!

So first of all, I think I’m gonna call this rework The Story of Us. Not only is Speak Now the song not on this version, but The Story of Us fits these vibes better Each song is its own contained story that forms an overall narrative, kinda like folklore.

Timeless: It feels so much like a closing track that it gives off a nice ‘end at the beginning’ vibe. Also parallels nicely with the closing track.

Sparks Fly: I like the idea of the earliest written song on the record being track 2. Although she rewrote it to be less naive, I do like how Foolish One could be its answer. Also it leads into…

The Story of Us: ‘How we met and the sparks flew instantly’. Too obvious? Nahhhh. I like that it foreshadows the heartbreak of the later album but frames it in an upbeat way so as not to let us down too much. Plus the awkward party element leads us nicely into the next track.

Enchanted: Is it the same party? A later party? Not sure, but it continues the vibes of the last song, while also offering one last little piece of fairytale whimsy and romance before the latter half rips our hearts out.

Mean: As you can see, I am not adhering to the track 5 rule lol. But this is a set up for Castles Crumbling and Innocent, with the talk of fame and the different ways of responding to criticism.

When Emma Falls In Love: This song kinda makes me insane when I think about the context in which Taylor wrote it. She was dealing with everything surrounding JM when she wrote the line ‘she won’t lose herself in love the way that I did’. The last line (‘between me and you, sometimes I wish I was her’) is a GREAT set up for the next half of the album; it establishes everything Taylor didn’t do in these relationships and the person she wishes she had been. Part of me wants to do another rearrangement with this as the opening track, cause again, that last line.

Back to December: We have an excellent lead in with Emma; ‘I wish I was her’ and then a song about how badly she screwed up a relationship. Plus, the rest of the album is like an explanation of why she screwed it up. We’re slowly zooming in…

Last Kiss: Almost a flipped perspective of Back to December? I’m a little shaky on this placement, I almost feel like this song and the next could switch places, but idk how I feel about Last Kiss and Dear John back to back. Therefore, the next song is…

Ours: Getting into another relationship after heartbreak, one that others don’t approve of but that makes her happy. It’s a love song, but an understated one, not as bombastic as Sparks Fly or as sweepingly romantic as Enchanted. Cute, but careful.

Dear John: THE AFTERMATH. Christ. The parallel of Emma and the result of Ours and the events that led to Back to December. The fireworks line is a slight parallel to Sparks Fly and The Story of Us as well. It’s a moment of triumph amidst the heartbreak. ‘I lost you, but I’m still shining for the crowd. Oh wait…’

Castles Crumbling: AND NOW SHE’S LOSING THE CROWD. The formal demolition of her fairytale outlook and the parallel to Mean. She’s living in the big old city, but the big old city’s getting tired of her. It also looks ahead to the last track, where she hopes to be remembered regardless.

Haunted: I just like that we have Enchanted on the first half and Haunted on the flip side. She’s no longer enchanted by a stranger, she’s haunted by someone she thought she knew well. I also like how the word haunted works with Castles lol.

Innocent: Even on the OG record, I feel like this should’ve gone after Haunted if just for the ‘you and I walk a fragile line’ ‘lost your balance on a tightrope’ of it all. On some level I get why she didn’t cause it would’ve been this song and then Last Kiss, which, ouch. But anyway, I know this is about Kanye but FUCK that guy so now within the narrative it’s her talking to herself (just ignore the 32 part). Even after everything she’s been through she’s still an innocent, and it’s not too late to regain her balance.

Foolish One: Again, kinda shaky on this placement, I feel like it should be earlier in the second half. But as is, it’s a parallel to Sparks Fly where she’s cautiously optimistic about a guy; that song was sung by the voice in her head she talks about here. It’s also a follow up to Innocent; you may be innocent, but it doesn’t mean you have to be foolish. PLUS it’s a little bit of a hope spot after all the heartbreak (‘the day is gonna come for your confessions of love / he just wasn’t the one’). As an aside, I am fully convinced she added that line for the rerecord. She sings the rest of the song in a higher register matching her voice in 2010, but for that line she lowers her voice closer to her current register, making it seem like it’s her future self talking. Plus she recorded that when she was still with Joe; something something ‘this ain’t our fairytale’.

Long Live: Our moment of triumph!! After Castles Crumbling, this is where she says ‘hey, even if people run me off, we’ll still be remembered’. Parallels our opener both in title (Timeless / Long Live) and in subject matter; she and the guy weren’t timeless, but the legacy of her and her band will live forever. Edit: ALSO. Can’t believe this didn’t occur to me before. But starting off the album with the stories of other people that have become folklore (haha) of sorts and the ending the album with the hope that one day Taylor and her band will become similar folklore. Yes PLEASE. “These precious things that time forgot” vs “one day we will be remembered”.

BONUS TRACKS

Better Than Revenge: Really my only justification for this is that I couldn’t fit it on the main album but if she hadn’t released it in 2010 we NEVER would’ve gotten it. Plus it being a bonus track gives off the vibe of ‘oh you thought you were off the hook??? You thought I wasn’t gonna write about you??? Lmao fuck you’.

If This Was A Movie: Similar justification for this as with Better Than Revenge; since she kinda rebranded it as a Fearless song with the rerecord, if she didn’t put it out in 2010 we may not have gotten it at all (she wrote it in 2009 so I don’t think it could’ve been a Fearless vault track either). That said, it fits the ‘story’ themes of the album so I think it works. Plus I like how it interacts with BTR; from pure unfiltered rage to ‘BUT I’D TAKE IT ALL BACK NOW’.

Mine: It KILLED me to leave this off the main album, it really did. Maybe one of my all time favourite songs of hers. Part of me wants to switch this and Timeless, but I also like the idea of having Mine as the last track just because of how it rounds out the album. The narrator is very disillusioned with love at the beginning, so it could easily be taking place after this string of heartbreak she experienced throughout the record. I also love how it ends with ‘hold on, make it last’; after being burned so many times, she finally starts to believe in love again and the notion that they could be forever. The way it interacts with Timeless, which was a portrait of very idyllic fairytale romances that last forever (love letters during a war, forbidden lovers eloping, two people growing old together), this song focuses on the more mundane parts of life that still make up a beautiful relationship. Also if we’re thinking about this as part of her album timeline, the next album she puts out is Red, so we go from ‘there’s a drawer of my things at your place’ to ‘you’ve still got [my scarf] in your drawer even now’. OW.

And as vault tracks we have Speak Now, Superman, I Can See You, Never Grow Up, Electric Touch, and Battle. Because I’m still a little offended we never got an official version of that song :/

[marvelcriminalhoe]

Always Been You

Aaron Hothcner x Female Reader

One Shot based off the song Always Been You by Jessie Murph

TW: Angst. No happy ending. Unrequited love, kind of. Two people being very dumb and not talking so leads to heartbreak.

AN: Idk where this came from. And apparently I can only write one shots like this so, yeah. I don't really like sad endings so I might do a part two but don't plan on it incase I don't.

Masterlist

word count: 1,090

Part 2 with a happy ending

“Sometimes I feel like it's one-sided

Like some type of unrequited love

I keep it dark, I keep it quiet

But then you come around and light me up”

Your feelings with him, started as just a small crush. You were the new kid on the team, younger than everyone else. He’s your boss. You're very stoic, hard faced, takes no bull shit, boss. You didn't need to embarrass yourself with you unreciprocated infatuation. Or, what you thought was unrequited.

One late night in the office, where only the two of you were left changed everything. You had made your way up to his office, asking a question over the consultation you were working on. You don’t know how it happened. If you leaned in first or if his lips touched yours before that, but it ended with a mess of papers on his desk and a hickey on your neck you had to cover up for a week.

You thought, after that, maybe it wasn't so one-sided. But the next day, he was back to the hard faced man he was every other day, acting as if he hadn't had you moaning in his office 12 hours prior. He was completely unfazed.

So you pretended you were to.

Even if you weren’t.

“Usually, I ain't the type to stay up all damn night

Thinkin' 'bout someone else

It's hard to be fine when your heart's on the line

And the truth is I'm goin' through hell”

Months had passed since that night, and not once, did he treat you differently than before. You even wished he would be cold and brush you off. You would take anything, anything, but this nonchalant, work only, attitude he had towards you.

It was torture. He kept you up late. Mind racing with the memory of that night. How he touched you, kissed you. How he spoke to you, so gently and loving.

How he could act as if everything was the same baffled you. You tried, everyday, to keep going as he did, but your mind was a battlefield of regret and pain.

How could you be so stupid?

Maybe this is something he did all the time. Maybe you were just another stupid, young agent, that fell for it. Maybe it really didn't mean anything else to him.

Truthfully, you were tired of acting like it meant nothing to you, and you didn't know how much longer you could keep up the charade.

“I been trippin', I been slidin'

I'm underwater like Poseidon

Takin' up space like a hyphen

You're on my mind and I can't fight it, yeah”

The agony you felt when you heard the gunshot echoing off the walls of the house, had your bones shaking. You struggled to breathe, struggled to think properly. You heard the rest of the team yelling for him, but you stood still, not being able to move. Not being able to handle the possibility that he was gone.

The moment he walked out through that front door, it took all of your strength to stay standing, to not fall to your knees in a tragicomic affair. You felt all of the oxygen leave your body, and you were waiting for it to return to you. But the moment you locked eyes with him, you knew you were never getting it back. Not here. Not with him.

You were thankful he was alive. Thankful he made it out of that house after the mindless decision he put himself in. Aaron Hotchner had a penchant for foolish decisions involving his life, and you weren't sure if you could stand by anymore and be a background character in it, as much as it pained you to admit to yourself.

“Sick of playin' games with myself

Sick of playin' like there's someone else”

Penelope was the first to notice you pull away. She might not be a profiler, but that girl could read her teams emotions with the best of them. She tried to get you to come out more, inviting you even when she knew you would say no. Make some excuse of already having plans, being tired, having a date.

The others caught on soon after. Sticking to your work, keeping conversations minimal, sleeping at the back of the plane. They noticed how your smile seemed more forced, how that sparkle in your eyes seemed to dim with every passing day. They didn't know why. Didn't understand.

Hotch was the last to figure it out. But by the time he went to confront you, it was too late.

It was far too late.

“ 'Cause in my head

It's always been you

Heart in my hands

Hopeless 'cause no one can take it from you, you

I tried rewriting this hundreds of times

But if it ain't you, it's a lie

Yeah, in my head

It's always been you, you”

The letter was folded neatly in your shaking hands. You willed yourself to walk up the stairs. The bullpen was empty, you wouldn't be able to do it with anyone watching. There was no need to knock on his door, no one was here. You didn't bother turing on the lights, not needing a reminder of the room that started it all.

The letter was left, folded neatly on his desk, where he found it the next morning. Where he had to reread it 5x before it started to sink in. You're gone. How had it gotten to this point before someone spoke up? How did he not see it sooner? Why didn’t he stop it?

Aaron Hotchner, had many regrets in life. He never believed he deserved happiness. He never believed he deserved your smile, your laugh, that sparkle in your eyes directed at him. He allowed himself to believe in everything those dark thoughts told him.

And it gave him another regret. Another woman that left him behind because he couldn't admit he might be wrong. He pushed another woman away because he doesn't know how to talk about the emotions running through his veins so he pushes them away, pushing the person away with them.

And he’s done it again. Left with only the despair and longing he is used to. Left with only the memory of that fateful night, the one that has been repeating in his mind since the morning after.

“Usually, I ain't the type to stay up all damn night

Thinkin' 'bout someone else

It's hard to be fine when your heart's on the line

And the truth is I'm goin' through hell”

The both of you would never know, that the others truth was the same as yours.

**********

Aaron Hotchner Taglist: @buckyswintersoldiermask

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Wed 2 June ‘21

Louis sent a message to a fan looking for a hello after a major surgery-- “Get well soon mate. Sending you loads of love x”- and added that he hopes ALL of us are doing alright; I never doubted it Louis! Niall got a little more specific with his really lovely message today- “HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. It’s your life, LOVE who you want to LOVE,” he tweeted! THANKS GUYS.

Liam though, Liam was all over today! He checked in on his way to play golf, on his way back from playing golf (with videographer Conor!), posted comments on discord, joined a new chat platform (Telegram; 5 minutes into Telegram and chill Liam was like OKAY it looks like we may need some moderators for this app lol YOU THINK?), he did a whole 25 min live, AND checked in even later to say he’d just had a shower and was about to play a new video game! New news of the day-- he is going to host a Veeps show showcasing new artists in July!! NEAT! His post about how his team forgot to turn off notifications on the phone they set it all up on for him on is really funny, YIKES; “this used to be an iphone now it’s just a bell” he joked, with video of the phone frantically chiming nonstop (“the power of you guys still blows my mind to this day”.) Also he said that he was very busy getting ready for June 15. Why, you ask, what is on June 15? UH? IDK?? He has so many things coming up? But that’s the NFT I think, which I KNOW a lot of people are mostly not that excited about but I will say that while I don’t care about the technology, I am excited to see Liam’s artwork he’s working on for it (which hopefully the purchaser will share with us), and Liam is truly so excited about the platform, he’s really trying to talk us into it. More on that in a sec...

But let’s get to the other parts of Liam’s live first. He has that new song coming, about which he said “it’s one that I’ve written the most on so far actually, as a single, I’m excited to say my own stuff for once a little”, love that. He’s still coughing but says he’s tested repeatedly and it isn’t COVID, and that he’s gone vegetarian recently, and he says the chat channels were inspired by seeing people using the veeps chat rooms even after the show ended, not wanting to leave. And he talks about 1D- about the notifs mishap he said “back in the band we used to wait for people we didn’t like to leave their notifications on and then we would like- oh make sure you follow this person on twitter! And then their phone would break for days- if someone did something that annoyed you.” HAHAHA where’s my masterpost of people who annoyed them 1D told us to follow, PLEASE? And also “it’s hard sometimes you’re watching people stories from afar that you used to know so well and that can be difficult… we’ve all felt this at different times me and the boys… it’s almost like missing a very dear friend a lot of the time but everyone’s so busy… I’d love to get us all in a room somewhere sometime” aww. But also he said he talked to Harry recently, “really a lovely call, he has a sixth sense for if I'm struggling or if one of us is in trouble, I spoke to him and it was a really lovely catch up. I have a lot of love for the man, he's really, really great"; well I wish Liam wasn’t stuggling but that’s lovely. And Louis too! "I spoke to Louis, I wanna say yesterday. We speak a lot, there's just a lot of laughing about random crap," he said, plus some Louis memories- “I can just hear his laugh in the back of my mind. We once broke into one of the stadiums in America and got chased by a woman… on one of those cop type things, a mall cop thing, and that was quite crazy. He also left me on my own while I was being arrested nearly by a French policemen that I had to push over… which that still scares me to this day. [laughing] That’s what friends are for! I helped him over the fence to get in somewhere, he left me with the policeman, who didn’t have a clue who I was and tried to arrest me even though I was just trying to go into my hotel.” UMM sorry I can’t hear anything past LIAM PUSHED OVER A COP?? Go ahead, make a list of ‘1D members most likely to fight a cop’ and if Liam isn’t DEAD LAST you’re just wrong and yet HERE WE ARE!! WHAT A DAY.

But alas rather than fighting cops now Liam is partnering with an entrepreneur (which I have had to type so many times in the last two days thanks to Liam that I guess I know how to spell it now they just keep SAYING it SO MUCH). Steve Bartlett said “the secret” is out, he recorded a podcast with Liam yesterday-- I’d call secret a bit strong, we had actually got that mate, but okay; he called Liam an entrepreneur and said “yesterday I recorded one of the most powerful, honest, REAL conversations on my podcast to date” and “if you love Liam you’ll love this.” I can absolutely guarantee you that is not true, I love Liam and already hate everything about this collab, but his wording does make me think we’ll get a bit of Liam’s trademark emotional spillage which I suppose I might appreciate despite this self help CEO guy being there too. Liam does have one thing to say that could sway me in this guy’s favor though- “he has the cutest dog ever” apparently! Anyway I may as well get used to him he’s suddenly everywhere-- Liam also patched him into his live to try yet again to convince us that NFTs are good by awkwardly relating it to “fans of boybands” by saying you know this could eliminate like fake tickets and such… Sure Steve sure but anyway he also says of Liam, “the guy you see on camera is the exact same guy off camera”.

Harry and Olivia were seen together in London (well, a grainy ass video of their backs was seen anyway), walking, with some people who look to be her parents and Harry’s PA (so romantic! Not at all work related!) I was initially skeptical of the claim that it was her parents since this fandom is obsessed with saying everyone is so and so’s parents (we’ll NEVER top the time the fandom was sure Harry was seen having lunch with Eleanor’s father though) but it actually seems like maybe it was. More for Harry to add to his collection, that man truly loves an extended family! I mean the whole thing is sketchy as hell, from the assurance that that’s DEFINITELY actually Olivia in the grainy video, FOR SURE, to the confirmation that that’s her mom with them which came when a blank insta page produced a random old picture of her mom in the same skirt, but like is it them, sure I imagine so, and people making sure we get the story anytime they’re together isn’t exactly new. In other news, Dave Meyers, director of the Adore You music video, says he originally pitched the Eroda story idea (“I have this idea, of you love- liking a fish”) to Katy Perry and the Black Eyed Peas, ASJKJASKL CAN YOU IMAGINE?

[studyingmoominvalley]

my analysis of Moominvalley (2019)'s season one soundtrack

(yeah I may not be great at this and I may be missing a lot, but bare in mind this is my analysis, not anyone else's. Please be nice to me ;-;)

I'm Far Away:

Snufkin has travelled for the Winter. The first verse is like Moomin leaving letters in Snufkin's bag, wishing him with good travels and a safe return hope. Snufkin is longing for something to change, or maybe something in him to change... The second verse is more talking about his travels and how he longs to return no matter what happens.

Starlight:

I don't know, reading this and thinking of Snufmin makes me concerned. It's SO obvious that it's from Moomin's perspective that it gives me a cavaty. "Please say you'll never leave 'cause it's in your hands" If that wasn't obvious enough, idk what is. This is him just... wanting to be with Snufkin. He knows deep down that Snufkin has to travel, yes it's in his hands but not completely. It's a part of him. This is obviously his mind in a point of time where he hasn't gotten used to Snufkin being away from him, possibly what is reflected in Teety-Woo.

Summer Day:

Moomin doesn't like the Winter because it feels wrong without Snufkin. But he has Snorkmaiden with him at least, and that's good enough right? Snorkmaiden loves Moomin, almost in a similar way Moomin loves Snufkin, but Moomin just feels tied down in the relationship. He thinks he's just thinking like an adult, like a moody teenager or something. But then again, he feels Snufkin is the only one who understands him ("But when you put your hands in my hands/You speak a language only us can understand"). It feels like Summer with Snufkin, but not with Snorkmaiden. He reassures himself that Spring is coming and that he'll see the one who knows him best soon.

Back To The Cave:

We get to look into Snufkin's brain, ooo! This is mainly about Snufkin's feelings about himself and how he hides his true emotions from Moomin and the others. "They can't see behind the camouflage" this is him hiding behind a wise and carefree persona, when deep down he is conflicted about almost everything. It seems when he runs out of things to say or when he fears that he'll show his emotions, he finds time to be alone, shown by the lines "We're running out of punchlines/So watch us crawl/We're crawling back to the cave". But his feelings are getting too much, his fears of being forgotten most likely because he doesn't express himself in the way he should "There's a storm/It's rising". So basically he doesn't know what to do anymore. And I guess the "you can't be truly free if you admire somebody too much" quote can link to "There's no time/There's no place for idles", showing more that this is about Snufkin's emotions.

Love Me With All Your Heart:

now this song choice was intentional. This is mutual pining, their emotions mixing into the same song. They've loved each other for a long time, be it platonic turning to romance or be it always romantic. They both want each other, they both long for each other. But they don't wish for their relationship to change, they want it to stay the same ("When we're far apart or when you're near me", "Love me always as you've loved me from the start").

Home Again:

Snufkin is back home, and he could not be happier. Yeah he likes to travel and be with his thoughts, but nothing is better than being with Moomin, shown by the lines "Nothing could be better/Than when I hold you close to me" and "Who I was back then and who I am now/Makes no difference when I'm by your side".

There Is Something In The Forest:

One day, Moomin and Snufkin are just adventuring as they usually do. But something feels different. Something new. Moomin realises it that night, when sitting hand in hand with Snufkin. He finds himself losing track of time, only paying attention to his friend. When he goes home, all he can think of is Snufkin. He thinks of it as he walks, embracing his new emotions as love, a deep love, for Snufkin. And he never wants to let it go. Ever.

Home:

Moomin has noticed how off Snufkin has been acting, and one day he decides to comfort him. He tells him that if he ever feels like he needs to hide ("Sometimes you only want to hide") or that nobody is there for him, that Moomin will always be there for him. This song can also link to Snufkin's own saying "You must go on a long journey before you find out how wonderful home is", and seems like Snufkin has found his home in Moomintroll.

All Small Beasts:

nah this is crime anthem. Little My is cheering Snufkin up, telling him that people with lots of dreams, emotions and all that should just let it out in a huge show! Commit crime! Burn some signs! Fuck Hemulens, who's to say what they can or can't do? The first verses are her making fun of people being neat and telling Snufkin that bottling up your emotions is just going to tease at you and bite you in the tail one day. But this can also be seen in another way, brought to my attention by my friend Bloom. It can be a song about owning up to your mistakes instead of keeping them away.

Free Spirit:

must I say anything? Snufkin likes being alone and free. The second verse is what I want to focus on however. He knows it's good to be alone and not worry about anything, but his avoiding of responsibility is doing him worse than he knows (much like the "owning up to mistakes" analysis by my friend Bloom).

Country Air:

This is what Snufkin wishes he could say to Moomin. They're relaxing together in Summer, Moomin asleep. Snufkin is thinking in his brain about how much he loves him and just wishes he could say SOMETHING. Winter is coming soon, almost time for them to part. Maybe he can ponder more on his emotions then?

By Your Side:

it seems Snufkin is accepting and returning Moomin's offering of comfort, showing that he cares for Moomin and that he doesn't even need to ask for help, he'll do anything to make him happy.

In Blue:

oh boy

Snufkin fears he made a mistake already. He let out his emotions. Even when reassured that it was okay to do so, he feels utterly guilty, shown by the lines "I built a house from sticks and twine/And you said it would serve me fine/But then the rain could soak me through". He begins to fear that he's being put up with, like he doesn't matter anymore ("Anything to keep me quiet"). But he can't help but feel a strong admiration for Moomin. Snufkin has made so many mistakes, and has so many bad feelings ("I caught a fever like I always do"), yet Moomin is still his friend ("And still you let me stand with you, in blue"). He feels his emotions are his fault, and wonders if he should just stay in the valley and own up to his mistakes and allow others to show their true emotions for him, shown by the lines "I bet next year I'll see you all the time/The fault is all deserved as mine", "Was it all on purpose?/Was this true?" and "Tell me and be honest, was this you?". The phrase "In Blue" could refer to the saying "into the blue", which refers to the unknown. Snufkin is "In Blue" because he is in a stage where he is unsure of what he is hearing and wants to know if it's true or not.

Nothern Lights:

Snufkin's feelings for Moomin are increasing to what is obvious to him as love. "Will you find peace in your heart?" this line could be Snufkin talking to himself. Will be ever come to peace with his emotions and open up?

Ready Now:

Moomin has been there for Snufkin all this time. Through all his doubts, through all his sadness. Snufkin has no idea how to express himself, so Moomin helps him. They take it in turns to just talk about things, and "To my surprise we found my words". All this time, Snufkin believed himself to be free. But now he knows that opening up and embracing how you feel is true freedom. He is ready now.

The Author:

This is more about Moomin. He feels like his future will be like his father's, he already met Snorkmaiden during a big childhood adventure after all, just like Pappa. But he finds his story is changing. He's fallen in love with Snufkin. He slowly realises that his future is his own and that he is in charge of his story. And his story begins with being there for his best friend.

[dreamteamspace]

We hit 400 so here’s a- ✨ DREAM APPRECIATION ESSAY ✨

(by Yours Truly. Much thanks to the one, innocent anon who just wanted to ask a small talk question but hit my serotonin-providing hyperfixation.)

1. Self-esteem

I love the way he’s confident in his abilities when it’s become such a “trend” to either be completely and utterly self-depricating about your own skills out of fear of being labelled an asshole or overconfident nowadays.

At the same time you can still tell he doesn’t want to pull anyone down ever, and will always be really careful with that and take every oppertunity to lift up the people around him. Dream has a very emotional voice that gives him away a lot, so you can really tell he genuinely admires the people around him and he’s never afraid to say that they could totally easily beat him in something if he doesn’t have practice with it.

He tends to be a bit too hard on himself, so his friends always encourage him in his abilities, and that’s just. So nice. He celebrates his victories! He gets so so excited and happy when he wins in the manhunts, and I think celebrating your hard-earned victories isn’t something that should be villanized.

He won, and we should KNOW by now that doesn’t mean he thinks he’s somehow better than everyone. He has a pretty good eye on his abilities, and that allows him to really use them to the max.

2. Morality

He isn’t afraid to change the game! His adhd picks out a Cool New Thing and he just goes, You know what? Why not! His adhd goes “do this thing repeatedly another 3847 times” and he’s like, yeah sure!

Nobody expected him to release a song, but he just went for it! He’s been speedrunning so much, but he isn’t afraid to stream it every day 5 days in a row for hours while his friends bicker in the background.

Dream genuinely does the things he finds fun, but at the same time puts in so much effort to make them good and entertaining to watch and never forgets about his viewers.

He’s kidfriendly because he wants to be! Fame-wise, at this point he could definitly swear more if he wanted to (and he does when in other people’s content who don’t care about swearing), but despite that he doesn’t swear on his main because he wants his content to be accessable for everyone.

Sure, on one hand it could be for clout/money, but consider: Dream doesn’t stream the DSMP because he doesn’t want to take attention away from other people. He participates in the videos of his friends. He lets compilation channels and the like do whatever they want and even monetize his content. He lets his friends stream Road Trip on twitch as much as they want for free.

Dream doesn’t not swear just for his fanbase, but he does it because he has so so much respect for people. No matter how high he goes, he’s always consciously focused on respecting and admiring the people around him.

He has genuine respect for creators so much smaller than him, and he has respect for people in his fanbase that are younger than him. He isn’t afraid to go against the norm and STAND for that, either (see the video where he defends his stans).

And he defends his friends so much too! So much so it could almost be a little bit of a flaw sometimes, but I feel like he truly wants to learn from his mistakes. He apologizes for things even when nobody asked him to, and that just shows that he does it out of genuine guilt and fear of hurting someone.

He’s always seemed like someone who is genuinely willing to change to be a better version of himself, who isn’t afraid to challenge what he thinks and what other people think and what the norm thinks in order to improve everything for everyone.

Dream also doesn’t let any of the fame get to his head! As I said before - he’s confident in the things he’s good at, but in a way that doesn’t pull other people down, and he still remains firmly admirable of other people.

And even when OTHER people let fame get to their head (it was a while ago, but there was a video he made about five block jumps, where he added in a clip of a video of another guy doing it complete with credit and link etc. The guy was 100% alright with it at first, but when his video started getting more views because Dream’s video blew up, he started accusing Dream of “stealing” his content (when dozens of other videos of the 5 block jump already existed, and Dream could’ve just put in a clip of himself doing the jump)),,, but he insisted in his reponse that fame gets to people’s heads sometimes, nobody should blame anybody, he genuinely was never upset at him and just said that this just... happens sometimes.

He’s a very forgiving person all around, in part due to being willing to challenge his own norms and give people the benefit of the doubt JUST in case he’s wrong. He lets people enjoy things so long as they aren’t hurting anybody, like allowing people to ship him w people who are also alright with shipping, but at the same time taking a hard stance on, say, how shipping minors is absolutely wrong and should not be done ever (and he’s right).

3. Fandom

He appreciates said fanart and fanworks as well! He thinks dnf fanart is cool and he even appreciates the fanfic part of his fandom, something many ccs wish to ignore or forget it exists altogether (and it IS ofc in their right to do so or be uncomfortable with such content!), but Dream sees the work put into it and how people find connections and friendships through the fandom and appreciates it all the same.

He loves his fandom. So much. But not in the overdone, fake-feeling way I’ve seen other ccs be,,,, he’s just. Quiet and shy and genuine about it but not afraid to defend it.

He’s said before - and I QUOTE - “If you send hate to people or have sent hate to people, in the form of hateful comments or DMs, you aren’t welcome in my fandom. You’re no fan of mine”, which is the HOTTEST take he’s ever uttered and I love that. He really just went and said that. And he’s right. I like that despite how he’s usually more held back and waits things out before taking a stance, he chose this topic to really take a hard stance on and not budge and stick to it.

Pmbata has also said that he believes his fans have his back no matter what!! And that he really loves them a lot!!! And I am!! Emotional!!!!

4. ND/Adhd

He has adhd which is something I relate to personally (I have it as well sdlkfj). He gets excited sometimes!! I love how he shows being fidgety in mc, always pacing and parcouring around,, the way that in manhunts you can SEE when he’s thinking or bouncing back and forth between two options,,, or the way he gets close to people in mc to laugh with them.... He shows so much with his movements by them being quick and daring and calculated (and it’s especially hilarious to watch other people react to it in the video “mc but three people control one player”, where he’s the one moving and Sapnap and George will gasp or go “Dream!!” in surprise when Dream was THIS close to falling off a ledge, but he just laughs sdlkfjsdf).

When he’s not moving around he stands perfectly, perfectly still (which, idk if thats what all adhd ppl have, but I know I have something similar? Like when I’m nervous I’ll sometimes just. Freeze in place. No movement at all). He’s just relatable sdkjf.

There was one Manhunt extra scenes where he,,,,, stims by clapping,,,,,, the lil excited clap in the background,,, I’m gonna cry. I’m so soft for excited Dream that one is such a comfort clip for me!

He also tends to stim by getting under trap doors and then jumping back out of them, or jumping up a block and then walking back down over and over (especially noticable in The Village Went Mad tftsmp episode, where they were all discussing who the murderer could be and he was the only one moving, hopping up the log and then running back down again).

Also it is. Really Soft when he starts rambling and overexplaining something. What’s even better is that George, who is usually present at such moments, will laugh a little at his antics, and Dream will automatically laugh with him.

5. Rp/Uplifting other ccs

Dream wasn’t all THAT into the rp at first, but his server has been so strongly supporting and giving attention to smaller creators that he’s since completely rolled along with it. Being a villain in the RP is a difficult role because you will, inevitable, as much as it is just roleplay and all scripted, always get some amount of dislike from people for it.

Despite that, he’s basicly the main big villain on his own server where he let a bunch of theater kids beat him up in character and imprison him on his OWN SERVER. He wasn’t as into the rp at first, but has obviously been practicing and joins every Tales of the SMP when he can, despite getting zero clout for it.

What Dream also tends to do is find small content creators, see their talent and lift them high. His entire discord server is dedicated to give smaller ccs a place to grow, and when he first found Tubbo, Tommy, Ranboo, etc., they were much much smaller than they are now. He truly wanted to help them make it big.

He’s also added Foolish Shark and Hannah onto the SMP, both much smaller ccs (not tiny, but you get what I mean), allowing them to grow. He doesn’t stream on his OWN SERVER. He let himself get imprisoned to let the good guys win on his OWN. SERVER. He’s willing to play the villain and everything.

An interesting thing though! A lot of people used to/still do clown on Dream a bit for his sometimes uncertain acting,,, but when he’s around people he knows well (Sapnap and George, Tubbo and Tommy) we’ve seen him go ALL OUT. I have the theory Dream might be genuinely afraid to accidentally be mean to someone in character and have them misinterpret it sldkfjsdf,,, so he’s rly careful when he goes into the rp, and sometimes even when he’s in it he goes quiet, especially with other people around.

But also the fact that he needs time to feel comfortable around ppl is,, a mood,,, and adorable,,, sdlfkjsdf-

Apparently he’s also shared his youtube algorithm secrets with Tommy?? Which he had only shared with Sapnap and George before?? Dream took one look at that chaotic kid and immedietly adopted him as his little brother. He literally got up super early to rp the prison visit. Idk about ya’ll but I would die for someone first and get up horribly early for them second-

6. Friends!!

Dream?? Considers so so many people his friends?? And despite having so many friends, he also has his few closest friends (George and Sapnap) whom he would absolutely die for in a heartbeat. He WILL defend them with everything he has and loves them so so much.

He listens to them and really, truly wants them to succeed. He respects them so much and will go OFF about how good they actually are and how talented they are and how important they are to him.

I can’t even COVER everything about how much he is SOULMATES with Gorg. They live in each others heads rent-free. He mentions him all the time. They get!! So happy when they’re around each other!!! Their voices get so soft,,

And I can’t even BEGIN to explain the energy of Sapnap and Dream just moving together permanently. Imagine moving together with your best friend. Like, permanently. Into one house. They’re best friends Your Honor,,,,

Also,, remember the Techno and Dream rivalry? And Dream has recently said that he’s hesitant to make a serious manhunt against Techno because he doesn’t want there to be any feud between them or have them be compared to each other. He said that while he absolutely wanted nothing more than to beat Techno at first, now that he knows him better he just wants to be friends with him. He wants to be FRIENDS. With his, essentially, mc RIVAL. Friendly rival, but still. He doesn’t even wanna fight Techno or have ppl compare them cause he,,, wants to be friends with him,,,,

7. Vulnerability

What I feel like really sets Dream apart from some other ccs for me is that he’s willing to be vulnerable. He will tell George he loves him. He defends his friends. He sounds so, so genuine when he tells his fandom that he loves them.

What’s just really rare to see, especially in male ccs, is that vulnerability. It’s becoming more acceptable as time goes on, but it’s certainly not easy, and a lot of people become and stay long-term fans BECAUSE they can see how genuine he is.

I know Dream looks up to Mr. Beast a lot, for example, but honestly? I think he’s a little better than Mr. Beast. Because he feels more genuine, more bound to what he believes is right. I’m sure Mr. Beast isn’t a bad content creator! But ultimately they have different target audiences and I’m very glad Dream is the way he is.

Less of that insecure masculinity and more willing to be vulnerable, to care about things, to get emotional and to encourage and uplift the people around him.

8. Pure Brainrot

Green boi has nice deep calm soothing voice. Little shy laugh. Wheeze laugh. Gorg live in his head rent-free. He lov friends. He lov block game. He good at block game,,, a little shy but confident,,, big heart,,,, soft voice,,,,, rambles sometimes....

He also Gender. He’s so gender. I don’t know how else to describe it. I want That. Whatever That is. My gender is Dreamwastaken

[blueprint-han]

desert rose — yang jeongin.

↪ “ Because love and a red rose could never be truly hid. ”

— “ You’d have never thought that one incident would’ve enlightened you of how much in love you were with your childhood best friend, but it turns out to be more of a problem when you’re threatened with a life-ending disease with no cure whatsoever. Or so you thought. ”

pairing: jeongin x reader

genre: hanahaki au; fluff, angst with a happy ending.

⇥ warnings: hanahaki disease, mentions of blood (not very graphic but enough that it’s tagged), lots of angst, also in this world the hanahaki surgery isn’t discovered yet, because it’s a fairly recent discovery, also y/n’s dad is nowhere mentioned in this fic idk take it as you like but i imagined him to pass away when y/n was 12 for some reason :((, please do not read if you triggered by topics of death or blood or disease! These themes will be prevalent though not in super explicit detail, they are still there. If I missed a warning, let me know. <3

word count: 11.09 K

type: long one-shot.

⇥ disclaimer: this fiction does not represent the activities of the real Yang Jeongin, nor is associated with JYPE in any form. Events are pure fiction. ♡

part of: the @bystay​ skznta event, written for @stayndays​ !!

song: inspired from Desert Rose by Lolo Zouaï <3 No relation to the fic but it did inspire the ~vibes~.

↯ note: I’m gonna be honest this tired me out so much that I’m glad I finished it, it took me longer than I expected and it got longer than I expected, but nonetheless, here you go shayna! Hi!! It’s me! Your secret santa! Sorry I couldn’t send you that many asks because my uni is a bitch™, and I wish I could’ve made this better, but I guess this will have to do for now. I hope you like it, and I loved being your santa! 🥺 I hope we can interact more in the future, and this isn’t edited so pls go easy on me （＞人＜；）eiury2y4er okay happy reading! <3 love you shayna! <3 I wish I could give this more editing time :( but... i hope u still like it!  ⇥ dawn.☀️

Jeongin’s eyes are really pretty.

The first time you'd made this miniscule observation was during your summer vacation road trip when the sun shined a tad bit overly bright, and Jeongin’s umbrella had a hole in it. The exact details of how it ended up torn don’t matter, but the way Jeongin’s eyes seemed to shimmer in the harsh noon sun almost made it seem worth it.

You remember it clearly — He’d smiled brightly when his eyes met yours, eyes crinkling into tiny little half-moons before his expression turned neutral. At that moment, you were lost into the abyss that was his midnight black orbs. They seemed to hold glimmering stars in them, ones that outshone the specks of white in the night sky.

Looking back, you didn’t think of it much, opting to shake your head off it’s daze before running to where Jeongin stood, throwing a bottle of water into his backpack and laughing at some corny jokes the rest of the group cracked.

Jeongin was a friend — a good friend. In fact, you could call him your best friend, though it had never been verbalized. You couldn’t remember exactly when or how you’d gotten closer to him — it just happened, like everything important in this world did. Like how Jeongin says “It was fate, Y/N, fate” in that old-man-philosopher voice to get you to laugh (Of course it would never work, but you’d still laugh, because anything to see him give you that bright, toothy grin and that little scrunch of his nose in acknowledgement).

The memory of how it all started  is as clear as the sky, as pure as the pigment of a rose.

“Don’t stray too far away, alright? Meet me back here in two hours.” The instructor screams, and all the students chime in with a collective “Yes, ma’am!”. 

 “Good, now go collect your flowers.”

A flower-picking expedition isn’t a common event in a school field trip, at least in your school. You’re more used to the normal visits to the ice cream factory, or the butterfly park (which, to be fair, had some pretty flowers, if only you could pick them) or another affiliated school. Nevertheless, you don’t complain, because the prospect of your school giving you a chance to collect all the pretty flowers you could spot here had you on top of the clouds.

You’re allowed to go alone or in groups of two, and of course, Jeongin has you by the arm the moment your teacher had screamed “Disperse!” at the top of her lungs (P.E teachers had a thing for screaming, apparently). Ignoring the teasing glances the other boys made towards the both of you, you set sail on your path, scanning all the bushes for any wild and unique flowers you could find.

“Oh look, there’s one!” You pointed out after a good four-minute-walk, almost stumbling in your one-inch-too-tight-shoes and ignoring Jeongin’s giggle at your antics. You beckoned him over to where you were standing and he obliged, tucking his sweater paws into his pockets before walking over to where you were staring at the pretty flower.

So, flowers. They’d always fascinated you. You’d developed said fascination ever since you were six. Something about the sheer way the petals were arranged, the various ranges of coloring — vivid, gradient, muted — the beauty of something so delicate and intricate always drew you in. You found yourself examining a flower for hours, and surprisingly, you never grew tired of it. They’d helped you through a lot when you felt particularly down, too. Perfect distraction — snuggling against Jeongin’s arm and playing with the flower he’d always pick out for every visit, surrounded by calming; almost numbing silence along with the sound of his steady breathing, maybe sometimes his heartbeat too when he’d get overly affectionate. Flowers in a way, in every way, were your escape. You loved them. 

“Hmmm.” Jeongin hummed over the sounds of the leaves susurrating and rustling on the ground, the wind enveloping you like a cold, yet oddly comfortable blanket. He fixed his round glasses over his nose, quickly flipping through his encyclopedia. No one really questioned him as to why he carried it wherever he went — but just like you, he had a vivid fascination for flowers too. It was something the both of you fit like a glove on, and you were beyond grateful to meet someone who could click with you so well.

“This is wolfsbane, we can’t pick it.” He said, shaking his head. “It’s poisonous, the whole plant is.”

“Oh…” You pouted, staring at the flower once more. You took in the sight of lush, violet petals, the way they wrapped around the centre and had almost no smell.

“Hey.” He touched your hand worriedly. “You didn’t touch them, right?”

“No, I didn’t. I know better than to touch plants without knowing what they are.”

“Good.” There you could see it again. That lovely, bright smile, one more of relief this time. When you looked into his eyes, you seemed lost — you could capture every flutter of his lashes against his cheeks, count every lustrous star that was laid in his eyes. “That’s good, the poison can be absorbed easily through your skin.”

“Yeah.” You let yourself smile at him, hands dropping down to fiddle with the hem of your frock. 

“Come on, I wanna get some shots for my book. Plus some flowers.” Pulling at your hand, he led you amidst the varying degrees of green and the damp smell of grass for a good distance, before halting in front of a bush. You knew what he’s referencing to by ‘shots’. The camera that hangs around his back, ready to immortalize the memory into his SD card, or rather make a polaroid (or a painting, if he’s being artistic) and tape it to his notebook along with the pressed flower.

“Look!”

Trip a step back, and you yelp at the sudden intrusion to your pace, pouting at Jeongin before looking in the direction he had his eyes fixated on. “Roses.” You giggle, kneeling in front of the bush and hissing when you feel the damp coldness of the grassy floor seep into your knees. “They’re pretty.” 

You can barely hear the sound of students walking past you — the moment seems almost captivating — nothing heard, nothing felt except the whirring of the wind, and the fresh smell of various plants mixed together, it carries.

This part of the garden seems particularly shady and cool, and some of the roses haven’t bloomed yet. A few rosebuds, a few half-bloomed roses, and two fully bloomed, deep red roses, sitting nicely against the green foliage.

Jeongin kneels before you, and you turn to smile at him, chortling at the way his glasses are about to fall over his nose again. You ruffle his black hair gently before fixing the glasses up his nose. 

“You might wanna get a chain attached to that thing. You know those strings that go around your neck and to your glasses to hold them in place?”

Jeongin chuckles. “It’s alright. I don’t like my glasses anyways.”

“Whyyy…?” You whine, poking his arm playfully before directing your focus back on the rose. “You look so adorable with them.”

Your friend feels a smile tug at his lips, leaning in to pinch your cheeks lightly. “You’re adorable.” He says, before focusing on the rose, (thankfully) oblivious to the way your cheeks feel warm after his action.

“Here, let me pick them out and then we can press them into our journals.” Yes. The both of you have matching journals, owing to your near obsession with flowers. You oft share them with each other and get fascinated by how the other views the flower, how they delicately craft words into how the little gift of nature meant to them. It’s a heartwarming tradition — one of the main reasons you follow it till date. 

Jeongin pulls out a pair of scissors from his satchel, and albeit with a lot of force (and the adorable nose scrunch™, manages to cut off a decent amount of stem with the fully bloomed flower, carefully bringing it to his nose to smell it before doing the same to the other one. And all the while, you silently watch.

“Here, this one is more fresh.” It’s so surprising how he can just say that by looking at the flower. Then again, you know him better than anyone, so it’s not surprising at all. He looks at you with dreamy, fluttering eyes and that precious smile on his face, his hair falling perfectly on his forehead. You want to reach out and fix the stray hairs back into position, but you hold back, swallowing the lump in your throat when you look into his pretty, pretty eyes. Trying your damnedest to not get mesmerized, lost in them once again.

It doesn’t seem like a very, very special moment. And to you at that time, it wasn’t special. You simply ignored the heat that crept up your face at his silent gesture, nodding sporadically and ignoring the way you tensed up more when your fingers touched, barely.

Your heart suddenly thumped against your chest with renewed vigour, and you could tell Jeongin was close to noticing it too. 

“T-thank you, that's very sweet.” Fixing the frills of your frock, you smooth them over before looking further and deeper into the garden.

“Lend me a hand, please.”

You once again, ignore the way your heart flutters at his statement, silently extending your hand and covering up your sudden emotion with a smile. His hand feels soft, warm in your hold, fingertips slightly rough from when he used to play the violin. You like it, though.

“Here.” He places the rose carefully in your palm, making sure no thorns prick the delicate skin of your palm, and you can’t help but smile at the tiny reassurance. A nod of approval and you tuck the flower away neatly into your satchel, almost like a valuable present he’d given you, oblivious to the way Jeongin’s eyes twinkled at your action, his smile beaming.

My god, who would’ve known this flower could’ve brought you so, so much trouble?

It had started simple, almost unnoticeable. Just little glances towards Jeongin when he’d come over to watch a movie, getting lost in the way his hair looked exceptionally soft to touch, silently drifting off into space as you admired him from the backseat during class — sure, you were supposed to be focusing on the lesson and taking notes, but something about the way the rim of Jeongin’s sunglasses caught the sunlight and created a lens flare effect was breathtaking to watch.

That, combined with his beauty, his personality. It was too much, too much to handle.

You found yourself waiting to get a glimpse of him, even a tiny glance of his smile would be enough to make your day — to make your heart flutter. 

He was pretty.

You suppose it’s because being Jeongin’s best friend meant you already knew about the kind and empathetic man he was — but for the love of god, you could not stop your heart from fluttering when you heard his name, let alone looked at him and his mind-numbingly pretty smile, his dazzling eyes that always seemed to keep you off the ground.

Oh my, was this love?

You didn’t believe it. You didn’t agree, couldn’t accept that this was love. Maybe it was just your way of showing appreciation for him, for everything he’d done for you? Yes. That was probably it. 

Love wasn’t something you’d experienced — how could you jump to the conclusion? 

But you couldn’t pin the feeling you were feeling to another word — though you were desperate. The way your heart beat faster around him, the way you started noticing all the tiny details that made you fall for him even more, and for what? Just because he happened to give you a fresher, more lusciously colored rose after choosing them on his own? 

Jeongin had noticed it too — it was hard not to when you’d start fiddling with your thumbs, twirling your hair, and the way heat would rush to your face when he did as little as smile at you — you’d fallen for him — and while he was ever-the-oblivious to realise the implications of your actions, he did know that something was wrong.

“Y/N, are you alright?” Jeongin asks rather dully, seeming kind of worried about your current state. You’re resting your head against his lap, but Jeongin can feel the warmth of your cheek through the thin material of his shorts — and not the regular kind. The kind of heat one would radiate when they’d either been overly flustered. Or possibly a fever.

He rests a single palm against your cheek and your eyes flutter shut, and there it is again. The butterflies in your stomach, the fuzzies in your head, and the tingling that shot up to your fingertips. “Are you sick? Is that why you’re oddly quiet today? You haven’t said or eaten anything.”

“Ah, no, I’m alright.” You try to hide the dizziness in your voice, snuggling in his hold before fluttering your eyes close. Thankfully, Jeongin doesn’t question it. 

“Alright, we won’t talk about it if you don’t want to.” Even though you aren’t facing him right now, you can feel him smile in melancholy. 

“Hey Y/N?” 

“Yes?”

“You know I’m here for you, right?”

Oh, you knew.

Sometimes you wish you didn’t — maybe that would’ve prevented it from ending this way.

It’s such a common scenario — in movies, in books, in media. Two best friends falling in love with each other, confessing their love in the warm and intimate setting of the night sky, over gentle touches and lingering kisses. You’ve always had an attachment to those kinds of movies or books — because for you, that kind of love was special in it’s own way.

Those little ways the lead characters had of showing each other their undying love, those subtle acts were so special, so special in their own way. Those books had shown you how heartwarming, how vulnerable yet rigid, strong that relationship could be. It was such a pretty world to explore, to fantasize. You kind of felt that you and Jeongin were the protagonists of those books, those movies.

Except, you had no happy ending.

The books failed to show how painful it was to swallow, to digest the fact that you could be nothing more than friends. Sure, there had been some moments where the main leads would be sad, but it was nothing compared to this, this suffocation in your chest that slowly built up, day by day, minute by minute, second by second.

It was hard.

The first prick in your chest hadn’t been entirely painful. It was barely noticeable even. Simply a tiny jolt of pain when you bent forward to grab your books from your locker. It had only been a slight jab, like when you’d accidentally poke yourself in the rib with the edge of your hardcover diary while picking it up. Nothing too hard.

Then came the slight feeling of breathlessness. You found yourself unable to run a full round in P.E (when you could easily do so beforehand), having to stop in between to catch your breath. You figured it could’ve been your dust allergy because the P.E room wasn’t cleaned that often, so it made sense. Somewhat. Still sceptical, but nonetheless, you covered up your random outbursts of coughs with any and every excuse you could find when your parents questioned you about it.

It was hard, but you figured it was just a matter of winter passing by, and soon you’d be alright.

Would you, though? You couldn’t bring yourself to accept that there was in fact something wrong happening to you, pushing behind that feeling of paranoia every time with a smile on your face and a hold of your breath, wishing for the pain to ebb away.

Who would’ve thought that a sudden infatuation would have led to your demise?

Jeongin can hear the noises.

Those loud, dragged out wisps of air that you borderline struggle to take in and expel out, Jeongin can hear them.

He can feel your struggle. It’s not easy for him to look at you like this, curled up into a ball and ignoring the rampant burn in your chest. The movie isn’t even the main focus right now. Jeongin has something to say, and he’s had enough of watching you struggle. He’s rather here to persuade you to go to the fucking doctor, and get some sort of diagnosis instead of beating around the bush.

Strange. Jeongin feels oddly affectionate today, when usually you’re the one to initiate such gestures. All he wants to do is pull you into his arms and rock you back and forth until you fall asleep, because you seriously seem like you need it.

“Y/N,” he calls, watching you lift your head up from where it’s rested against your knees. You don’t reply, because right now, your throat seems like a barren desert and all you can seem to let out is a croak.

Jeongin sighs and rolls his eyes as if in deep thought, turning on the couch to face you before touching the tops of your cheeks with his hands — they seem overly feverous. 

“What’s going on?” He asks sternly.

“What d-do you mean?” You manage to get out, feeling your chest hurt more and more with each syllable that leaves past your lips in a croaked voice. It felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing your chest with the sharp edge of the knife, the burn in your throat and lungs getting too much to handle. You can’t even tear your focus from the fiery sensation to revel in the feeling of Jeongin’s soft palms cupping your cheeks.

“Y/N, you’ve been acting weird ever since the expedition.” Worry is laced throughout his tone, mixed in with a dash of sorrow to give rise to the most heartbreaking sound you’ve ever heard. Though you know otherwise, it almost seems as though Jeongin is disappointed in you.

“You’ve been getting more and more sick—” he raises a hand to stop you from contradicting his statement. You only look at him with mellow eyes, knowing that what he says is right. You’ve been ignoring your health for too long. 

You can’t help it, either. While you have an inkling of what might’ve happened, you’re too stubborn to accept it, let along your unrequited love for your best friend, who seems ever-the-oblivious.

“—and you can’t tell me it’s the winter allergy, love. I know you more than that to believe it.”

Shaking your head in dismay, you turn around to get up. You can’t be having this conversation right now, not with the faintest taste of blood lingering at the edge of your throat — you can’t be showing yourself like this in front of him — broken down, vulnerable, confused of your own feelings, having no idea of what you should be doing.

Your mother had pointed it out too, at this point. They suggested going to the doctor, and you outright refused. You didn’t want your suspicion to come to life. It couldn’t- it couldn’t be this way-

“Y/N!”

Jeongin grabs your hands to stop you in your position and turns you around.

And that’s a wrong move.

Your whole chest tightens, and the thorns that stab against your chest has never been more painful. You cry out loudly, only causing them to dig deeper into your skin and almost bleed. Jeongin’s eyes widen in shock at your sudden, unexpected reaction and only tightens his grasp on your hands.

Which again, is a very wrong move, because the following bouts of coughs that take over you shake you up from the core. Jeongin feels blanked out looking at how much you’re suffering right now, so much that he doesn’t feel the wet, yet light flutter on the back of his hand.

When Jeongin snaps back in from his momentary daze, he’s borderline horrified.

He’s convinced, completely certain that there’s nothing more terrifying, heartbreaking, scarring — he could go on and on — than what he just saw. He can almost feel his heart break into a million tiny shards, but he knows that it’s nowhere equivalent to the pain you’re going through.

Well, looks like your suspicion did come to life.

Because what Jeongin sees is, gah, he feels horrified. There’s blood dripping down your lip, staining the skin below garnet red. Your eyes are tinted pinkish-red too, most likely from the exertion that came along with the horrendous amount of coughs that took over you.

Red, red everywhere. Jeongin had previously thought of red as one of the most beautiful, and most interesting colors ever — a symbolism of love, nothing but the pure love he felt towards you.

But now, all he could think of was how much he was tormented by the mere sight of the color.

When his eyes, still blown wide in shock, trail down to his lap, the mere sight of what’s littered on it leaves him in tears.

Red petals, everywhere. All over the back of his hands, all over your lap, all over his lap.

Jeongin could probably spend ages, ages sobbing and whimpering about the sheer pain the sight in front of him brought. It tormented him beyond imagination. This should be a dream — Jeongin wants to wake up any second now, anywhere, in your lap, in his own bed, just anything to save his heart from seeing you this way.

Yet when you cough again, the pain in his heart tells otherwise.

“Y/N!” He chokes out a cry, and from there, he acts quick. He could cry about this later — he needs to find you some help, and now. 

You feel numb. As numb as you possibly can when you see the tears in Jeongin’s eyes, though your sight is clouded by your own tears. You’re numb to the blood dripping down your chin and pooling in your lap, you’re numb to the feeling of those bloody petals littered all over the couch. 

“We need to get you to the hospital, quick.” He gets up, wiping his eyes that are surprisingly, surprisingly overflowing with tears. You barely feel the handkerchief quickly wiping against your mouth, causing you to snap from your trance and look at him. The numbness doesn’t fade yet.

You doubt it ever will.

You’re not sure that the events after the incident go super quickly or as slow as a snail, and you’re not in any state to care about it either. Jeongin had called your mother when he drove you to the hospital — albeit over the sound of your repetitive and raucous coughs — and now your mom’s standing next to him outside, nervously prancing back and forth as he waits for the doctors to come out.

The hospital corridor is moderately lit — perfect setting for Jeongin’s mood right now. There’s no sound except for the occasional encounter when a nurse or doctor happens to walk past them. The hanahaki treatment section of the hospital isn’t the most crowded place — surprisingly enough, the doctors had immediately known what had happened to you.

Your mother can’t bring herself to thank Jeongin for dragging you to the hospital — she’s too paranoid. Your daughter coughing up blood and — Jeongin hadn’t mentioned it to her — flower petals over a movie night isn't the best news you’d want to receive when her friend calls you; so Jeongin understands why your mother is overly quiet.

He doesn’t try to reassure her either. It’s hard to do so when she’s gonna find out her daughter houses a wedding bouquet in her chest — and Jeongin isn’t that oblivious to not know what’s going on, especially standing in the hanahaki department of the clinic. His mother, not so much. All she can do is silently sob and mutter prayers repeatedly, hoping her daughter would be alright. Jeongin feels his heart break more when he sees your mom like this, and he knows he’s not gonna last at this rate, when he’s allowed to enter your room.

At this point, he can’t get past his own brain screaming a million different things at the same time, none of them coherent enough to make sense. He’s a mess right now — red eyes puffy and swollen, hair completely disheveled and half of his sweatshirt hanging out of where it was  neatly tucked in.

Two hands at his heart, and that’s when he notices the red rose petal stuck to the back of his hand, probably from when you’d coughed all over it. It’s fairly large in size — Jeongin examines it, in a slightly successful attempt at trying to distract from the feeling of anxiety that builds up inside bit by bit. It’s a deep, dark red color, exactly like the rose he’d given you that day, at the trip.

The boy sighs to himself before pulling the petal off his hand, eyes widening when the blood underneath it tints the skin it runs across. 

That’s when a lump forms in his throat, but he isn’t given time to cry, because soon enough, the sound of a door opening clicks through his ears, and Jeongin’s head snaps up.

He can see you from where he’s standing, and his whole world freezes in front of his eyes.

The flowers inside your chest had grown moderately large — that’s what the doctor said, at least. You’d been hiding your disease for two months, and it wasn’t until the end that Jeongin caught on — you’d been too stubborn to accept your fate. Maybe this was how it was supposed to end, after all. 

You couldn’t accept it then, but you did now. Did it seriously make a difference?

Jeongin had seen your scan, and what he saw would’ve truly been pretty, if not for the fact that these flowers could be the cause for your imminent death. The roses had almost fully bloomed — and the thorns were pricklier than ever. Jeongin could almost feel them stab against his skin, and he didn’t even have the disease. It was confusing — things were too confusing right now.

You couldn’t speak much, the painkillers you were on were making you drowsy and causing you to quickly fall asleep. Even if you weren’t asleep, it wouldn’t have made a difference.

Numbness ran through your veins. You couldn’t bring yourself to feel anything after what had happened.

Jeongin and your mother hadn’t spoken to you after the doctor had shown them your scan, and they preferred to not break the news to you either, figuring that you were pretty shaken up from the incident already.

The doctor said he could give you two weeks before the flowers filled your lungs completely and blocked your throat.

And Jeongin is devastated.

When the effect of your painkillers wear off and you open your eyes, you feel a soft sensation brushing against your thumb, slowly turning to look at your best friend — tears streaked all over his face, eyes ridden with dark circles and red and puffy, his voice sounded nasal as he silently cried, eyesight focused on the floor.

“J-Jeongin…?” You mumble past your oxygen mask, surprisingly not noticing it’s presence until right now,

He perks up at the painful call, lifting his head to gaze into your eyes. He looks worse than you look right now, if you’re to be honest. You doubt he’s even brushed his teeth or had breakfast. The hospital room is pretty dim just like the exterior, but the sunlight coming from the open window is enough to light up the whole room, enough to at least see your friend’s features clearly.

“You’re awake.” he says as a matter-of-fact and you nod, gently taking off the contraption placed against your nose. Jeongin flinches like he wants to stop you. But then freezes when you try to slowly get up.

Turns out that’s a wrong move, because you can soon feel the thorns of the garden you have in your lungs prick against your skin, making you gasp and shriek in agony. Jeongin jerks up and places a hand on your back, and the other across your stomach — and gently maneuvers you into an awkward but comfortable position, before lifting the top of the bed into a reclining position before laying you down onto it.

“Careful, love.”

Your chest tightens at the actions once again, yet you try not to cough like you did the last time. Surprisingly biting on your tongue works to rid the feeling of suffocation, or at least distracts from it.

“Where’s m-mom?”

“She went to pick up some of your essentials, plus a few clothes.”

“D-did she eat? Did you eat?”

Jeongin smiles at your concern. It’s something he’s found endearing about you — how you always seem to put others first, even though you’re in a worse situation. Though the habit isn’t healthy, Jeongin can’t seem to get over how thoughtful one would have to be to act that way all the time. You’re so innocent, so kind — you’re one of a kind, at least for him.

“What?” You chuckle, noticing Jeongin’s lingering stare on you.

Your friend only beams, taking your hand in his once again. “I forced her to eat something because of her medication, so you don’t have to worry. I ate along with her too, though the canteen’s food doesn’t taste that well.” 

A soft giggle leaves your lips and quickly morphs into a set of coughs, more petals fluttering all over your lap and hands. When Jeongin stands up to call a doctor, you lift a hand to stop him, gesturing for him to sit down.

It isn’t as intense as the first time, but there’s still a tiny bit of blood dripping from the corner of your mouth, which Jeongin quickly goes to wipe off with his thumb. You flinch at the warm touch, sighing to yourself before dropping your gaze to your lap.

“So…” You start. “What did the doctor say?”

“What?”

Jeongin seems visibly tense at your question, kind of like he was dreading it. Which he was. He knows enough about this to know that patients usually don’t like knowing, and in fact can be traumatised by knowing that their apparent death would be in two weeks.

Jeongin in fact has no idea how he’s so calm. He should be sobbing, trashing, looking for a way to hold you back. He shouldn’t be so calm.

He figures he’s just accepted fate. He’s relishing what could be his last moments with you.

You don’t reply, and Jeongin knows he’ll have to make something up.

“They said it’s just a regular allerg-”

“Jeongin.”

The boy freezes.

“Don’t lie to me.” Your voice is laid with so much pain, Jeongin wants to reach out and crush every problem you have into his fist. He wants all your sorrow and worry to dissolve, and right now, he just feels helpless. He feels powerless.

“How many days do I have left?” You ask, sniffling before wiping your tears away. “Just tell me already, Jeongin-”

Jeongin’s grip tightens against your hand as he whispers — “Two weeks.” 

The words are only let out as a soft mumble, as though Jeongin himself is questioning the statement the doctors put forth. Really, in two weeks? Would you really be gone? Would he seriously never see more of your smiles, your loving gaze, those times when you’d get overly shy of his compliments, those times when you’d silently smile at him from afar?

Was this the end?

“Two weeks.” You repeat. Your voice honestly sounds like a croaking frog, but you can’t bring yourself to care. 

“Hey Y/N…?” Jeongin hesitantly calls.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?” He puts his other hand on yours. “Two questions, actually.”

“Mhm?”

“This disease you have… hana-”

“Hanahaki.”

“Yeah, that.” A hand runs against the back of his neck and he continues. “Be honest, did you know that- that you had this disease before I found out?”

“Jeongin…” You’re about to shake your head, but then you remember the deadline. The deadline by which, you’re no longer going to be here, no longer going to be able to cuddle Jeongin during movie dates, no longer be able to even look at him from afar, or close for that matter. In other words, you didn’t want to end your days with him based on a lie.

Therefore you sigh, breathing out a ‘yes’ as your shoulders droop down.

You can hear Jeongin’s shaky sigh too.

“W-why?” He clenches your hand tightly, sadness mixing in with what you can only call disappointment. “How could you be so selfish?”

It's too late to take back those words now.

“Wh-what?” You raise your eyebrows, feeling scared at his sudden question. “Jeongin, I wanted to be sure-”

Oh who are you kidding? Jeongin and you both know that you’d hidden it because you didn’t want to accept it. It’s too late to change that now.

And Jeongin seems to know that too.

“Don’t- Y/N.” His breath morphs into sharp inhales, as though he’s downright angry at your actions — you know he has every reason to be — still, it doesn’t ease the pain in your heart. Or maybe that’s just the flowers.

“Do you think this is a joke?” His sobs grow louder in fervour, and you feel yourself break at the sight. The room is so, so quiet that you can hear his faint mumbles. You can hear the cries his heart screams in agony, letting you go is painful for him. The thought, rather the sound, only makes the plant in your heart grow further.

“Y/N- did you not think of your mother? Of me? Did you not think of what would have happened if you left us? You think it’s gonna be easy on the both of us? On everyone?” His gaze stern and his voice stable, you don’t get affected by his words, but you do understand what he means — and maybe wish that you could’ve reversed your actions.

“How could you, Y/N?” He gets up from where he’s seated beside your hospital bed. “How could you think that this would be the most appropriate action?”

Jeongin knows he’s angry. Jeongin knows you’re going through a lot. But he’s too.

He’s not angry at you, not at himself, but fate. He’s mad that this is your fate, that you have to go away so soon. He’s mad that he can’t do anything to help you, in any manner.

You don’t say a word, which only causes Jeongin to sigh — disappointedly, again — and walk to where his coat is hung against the edge of his bed, picking it off and pulling it over him in a hurry. Every cell in you wants to scream at him, apologize for what you did, but your voice feels small, almost like you can’t force it out of your throat.

He goes towards the door that leads to the corridor, stopping for a second before turning to look at you.

“Are you gonna tell me, at least, who this person is?”

“W-what?” Things are too confusing right now.

“Hanahaki comes with unrequited love, Y/N. Are you gonna tell me who didn’t return your love?”

“You didn’t” You want to say. But then again, you stay quiet, not being able to handle the intensity of the moment.

Jeongin wants for two seconds, then sighs and shakes his head. “Whatever, I guess.”

And then he leaves.

In the next week, your health goes down drastically. More of petals expelled out of your lungs, more blood dripping from between your lips, more of your mother’s horrified expression as she runs away from the room while the doctors tend to your coughs. More sobs from your mother when she thinks you’re asleep, more melancholic smiles when you’re awake.

But you feel so empty.

Every piece of you feels like it’s being ripped apart. You can’t even sit up without someone’s help, of such intensity is the pain. The pain of knowing that your love would never be returned. 

The pain of knowing that you hurt the person you loved truly.

You were put on your oxygen mask 24/7, and instructed to not take it off whatsoever. Your medication stopped taking it’s usual effect, and if anyone saw you the way you were outside the current circumstances, they’d have assumed that you haven't slept for 8 days and were going to crumble into the earth any second.

“Honey?”

You gasp at the sudden intrusion to your thoughts, turning around to see your mother, sitting next to you and holding your hand with her own. You hum as a response, clearly unable to respond more than a mere mumble.

“Did you and Jeongin fight?”

A pang of guilt floods through your nerves at the mention of your friend’s name. He’d come to visit you only once in the past week. Perhaps even he couldn’t handle the fact that your death certificate was ready to be signed soon, and was trying to not be tormented by the fact. Or perhaps he was just angry.

“W-why?” You croak.

“I convinced him to come stay here while I go pick up a fresh change of clothes, but it took me quite a bit of arguing.”

You feel sad for her. She’s clearly paranoid — you can hear it in her voice, the shake lingers throughout. Yet she holds it in, trying not to let you worry about it.

You don’t answer her question. The last thing you need is for her to get mad at you too, though you doubt it. Your mom has never been the kind to yell at you for anything — provided, you’ve never given her a reason either.

“Do you think he’s mad because I didn’t tell him about the person who didn’t return m-my l-lo-ve…?” your throat goes dry towards the end and your mother quickly hands you a glass of water. You chug it down and sigh in relief, breath still short.

“Is that person him?” Your mother questions with her gentle, soothing voice one that can make you relax on the first listen. There’s no use lying to her, you figure. She knows you too well to do that, plus, like you said, you couldn’t bring yourself to end your days with her on a lie.

“Yeah…”

“Oh sweetheart,” She brushes some of your hair off your face, sitting down again before drumming her fingers against the back of your hand gently. “I don’t think he could be mad at you.”

“But he is. Didn’t y-you see? He didn’t bother to meet me as much after our argument. He’c c-clearly mad.”

“Hmmm,” Your mother ponders. “I don’t think so.”

“You don’t?”

“Nope. I have known him for a while, dear. He’s been with you for more than five years. Maybe he’s having trouble taking this in? Just like…” Your mother stops after that, but you know the completion.

Just like her.

“I’m sorry, mom.”

You simply don’t get it. You should be scared. You should be sad and devastated that your end was going to come soon.  You should be thrashing around and crying and wailing in despair — you just don’t have  the energy to even bother about your end. It’s depressing, but you know there’s no way you could avoid the inevitable, or get your lover to return your love.

Love wasn’t supposed to be something forced, it had to happen naturally. And if Jeongin didn’t develop it naturally, you just had to learn to live with it. Or not.

“Don’t be, darling. Everyone deserves to love, just like how they deserve it back. I wish it could’ve ended differently.”

“It’s alright mom. He loves me too… just not on the way I love him.”

You sniffle as a single tear runs down your chin, though you and your mom aren’t given enough time to speak more when you hear a familiar voice at the door. 

“Hey Mrs. L/N.” Jeongin says, shrugging off his half snow-covered coat before hanging it onto the bedside. Did he seriously walk in the snow? All the way here?

“Hello, Jeongin dear.” Your mother stands up, picking her coat before moving to fish the car keys from her purse. “Thank you for watching over Y/N while I’m gone, darling.”

“It’s no problem, Mrs. L/N.”

“Oh, so formal.” Your mom chuckles, though in her despaired state. “Y/N, you get some sleep, it’s about midnight dear.” She leans over to kiss your forehead while Jeongin excuses himself to the washroom, and you nod. 

“Good night mom.”

“Good night, and don’t worry about him. He’ll talk to you eventually.”

Oh, how reassuring. “Mhm.” You smile, closing your eyes to drift into slumber before Jeongin returns, because the last thing you need right now is to feel sad and cry over how you’d hurt him.

By the time the sound of the door clicking resounds through the space, you’re already asleep.

 It’s way past midnight. Jeongin shouldn’t be up. 

Somehow, he still finds himself seated next to your bed, staring fondly at your calm features as you finally get the rest you’ve needed for the past few days. 

Oh, he wouldn’t be able to compare your sheer beauty to even that of the moon; even when you’re in such a fragile and vulnerable state. Your eyelashes are still and unmoving where they sit against your skin, your breath is calm and slightly wavering as you struggle to breathe slightly. 

His hand slips into your own gently, and his heart melts when you shift, tightening your grasp on his warm skin before falling into a slumber again.

Why was he mad in the first place? Jeongin feels dumb for acting so quickly on his emotions, especially when you’re in a bad place at the moment. He wants to wake you up and apologize, but he can’t, because you’re sound asleep — and that’s a good thing, since seep comes so scarcely to you these days.

Then, a single tear falls from his eyes. His thoughts traverse to the dream he had the previous night — you, cold, dead in his arms. Him, sobbing, trying to wake you up but you’re really gone. He can’t even hear your mother’s cries from behind him, because he’s devastated to know that you’ve left him. The dream had woken him up in a cold sweat — it was then he realised that he’d committed a mistake, and agreed to come visit you, because you had about 5 days left.

His thoughts then traverse to the conversation you had with your mother, while he was standing outside in the cold hospital corridor, curiously listening.

“Is that person him?” “Yeah…”

When he heard those words, countess, infinite thoughts crashed at his head; all at once. Nothing made any sense. The reality of the situation was dawning on him too quickly, and Jeongin was having a hard time processing it. 

You loved him? He was the person who didn’t return your love?

“Why didn’t you tell me, Y/N?” He mumbles in confusion — so much confusion, so much hurt — he wanted time to just stop for awhile and give him a fair chance to analyze the situation.

But, once all the initial thoughts were out of the way, only one question remained:

Was he the reason you were going to die?

Jeongin felt like a murderer — like he’d just stabbed you in cold blood. He knows it is’t like that — just like you’d said, love should come natural. So why did Jeongin feel so bad? WHy did he feel like he was the one at fault?

A fond smile crosses his lips when he remembers the book where you keep all your flowers safely. Who would have thought your fondness for flowers would morph into the reason for your demise?

Quiet, hushed in the midnight wind, Jeongin gently brings out the rose he’d picked from his satchel. It’s almost relieving to see a rose in it’s true glory, without scattered petals or blood covering the flower. A part of him grows sad that you won’t be able to gush over flowers together anymore, he won’t be able to see your smile anymore. It hurts him. It stabs his heart over and over again, and Jeongin is pained — almost like he’s being put to death slowly — he wants the pain to end, but only suffers and suffers.

The stem has already been cut and the thorns have been thrown out. Jeongin leans over to tuck the flower behind your ear, fingers brushing against the almost cold skin at the back of your ear before letting another tear slip from his eye, running down his cheek and falling on your palm.

A strange, oh-so-strange feeling creeps up on him. It’s like… a fluttering in his heart? Jeongin can’t quite place it — heck, he doesn’t try to make sense of it. There are more important things to look at, right now. He suddenly has the urge to pull you into his arms and gently murmur sweet words into your ear — seems odd for a situation like this, but oh well, feelings are feelings.

He pats your hand gently and smiles, before moving to sleep on the smaller bed in front of your own. Not allowed to go far, though, because your grip on his hands tighten almost immediately, and Jeongin tightens to look into your eyes, sparkly and slightly droopy from the intrusion of sleep.

“Y/N, go to-”

“Stay.” You mumble, feeling your voice choke as the petals threaten to spill out for what seems like the millionth time. Yet, you manage to spill out another, “Please?”

Jeongin feels like he’s about to cry. Your expression is so, so hopeful, he can’t bring himself to deny. He wouldn’t in the first place, because who was he to deny what could be his friend’s last wish?

A sob bubbles up his throat, but he swallows it down, smiling with melancholy before following your weak pull on his hand, genty climbing on your bed before slotting himself between you and the steel grill that prevented patients from falling down. He gently tucks his hand under you and pulls you close to himself, tensing up for a second when you wrap an arm around his own, gently rubbing on it before drifting off to sleep. You want to cherish this moment — this could be the last time before you could never see him again. Fuck your medication for making you so drowsy. Or not, because you were certain you would start crying, and that would certainly not end well.

The whole room falls silent for two seconds, and you fall asleep almost immediately. 

And then, Jeongin releases all his tears, and everything comes crashing down on him. He breaks apart.

The world was too cruel to you. He was cruel to you. He can’t believe that in less than a week, you’d be gone. Gone from earth. Flowers had lost all their beauty for him, the moment he saw you coughing them up on that couch during movie night.

He wanted to do anything. He wanted any small sign to show that you would stay with him. He was in so much pain, he couldn’t accept your fate. He wanted to grab your hand and pull you to himself, keep you close, he couldn’t let go, he couldn’t give you up, he couldn’t —

“I love you.” You mumble unconsciously in your sleep, and Jeongin loses it then and there. His throat feels dry as tears flow and flow and don’t cease no matter what. His body shakes like a sobbing child, but thankfully you’re knocked out from the effect of your medication. He hasn’t cried this hard in a while, guess there’s a first time for everything. The three words pierce his heart, and they suddenly hold more meaning than anything — Jeongin wants to hear those words on a loop; he feels strangely ecstatic when you say them.

And so, with a shaky voice and a sorrowful tone, Jeongin replies after pressing a kiss to your forehead — “I-I love you, t-too.”

His eyes flutter shut and he basks in your arms just one last time, holding you close to himself as he finally, finally finds himself at peace, next to you.

When your mother finds you both snuggled up and asleep together, a smile crosses her lips. A hopeful smile.

“Are you ready for your scan, Y/N?”

You feel oddly light today — one would say it’s because your body was close to shutting down completely, but your throat felt a bit, a tiny bit clearer and less barren than a fucking desert. Nevertheless, the scan does make you nervous. This would make clear how long the flowers would take to reach your throat — the doctor’s estimation was about three days, which seemed way too short for Jeongin.

Oh, how embarrassing it was when the nurses, all giggly and mushy-eyed, found you snuggled with Jeongin like a teddy bear at the early hours of the morning, waking you and Jeongin up and only cracking up more at your bewildered expressions when you find yourself tangled with each other.

Before the scan, Jeongin had held your hand softly, leaning down to press another kiss to your forehead. You’d shyly smiled, nodding before letting the nurse drag you to the scanning room.

The details of the scan itself aren’t important, it went pretty well — as decent as a scan could possibly go. You’re able to cooperate with your nurses pretty feasibly, you feel the sudden urge to get out of your wheelchair and try walking. Sure, you can still feel the choked feeling in your throat and the burn in your lungs, but somehow, it’s just a tiny bit lesser than usual. Maybe it’s because your painkillers are working more effectively. Maybe.

Jeongin’s waiting for you outside when you’re led out of the room, and he smiles when he sees you.

You don’t even remember what you’d said the previous night. All you remember was passing out while Jeongin was in the washroom, and then waking up to him cuddled up, warm and snug next to you. His features were clear and calm as the ocean on a sunny day, a small smile on his lips, as though he was dreaming about something happy. You hope he did, because that boy deserves the happiness.

“You seem energetic today.” Jeongin says, taking note of your perky demeanour, that only causes you to giggle slightly. 

Sure, you don’t remember the happenings of last night, but he does — and he’d promised himself to cherish every last second. Because in the end, it’s all he can do — for leading you to this state, for getting mad at you and wasting precious time in which he could’ve stayed with you. He’d promised to not let you live your last moment sad and desolated.

“I feel light, for some reason.” You mumble with a broken voice as Jeongin takes the wheelchair from the nurse, listening to what she has to say before bowing and nodding, leading you back to your room.

“What did she say?” You ask, fiddling with your thumbs.

“She said your scan results would come in an hour.” 

“Oh… alright.”

For some reason, you’re too joyous today, after the little surprise you got as soon as your eyes opened. You can’t seem to bother about the end— you want to live in this moment, right now.

When you come back to the room, Jeongin lifts you up bridal style, causing you to gasp before placing you down onto the bed. The nurse waiting there quickly fixes your IV and helps you sit into a comfortable position (though it’s hard when thorns keep pricking at your ribs) before bowing to the both of you, and leaving.

Your mother has once again left to go fix up the house, leaving you in the trust of your best friend. You aren’t complaining though, especially when Jeongin sits down beside your bed, taking your hand in his before playing with your nimble fingers — just like always.

He looks gorgeous today. After a lot of nagging from your mother, he’d used the hospital bathroom to wash his face and comb his hair neatly, and you’re happy about that because he looks fresher and happier than ever. You want him to be smiling and happy, even when you leave, because… did you need a reason? You just wanted him to be happy and content with his life.

The thought invokes an angsty feeling of melancholy, but you brush it away, trying to focus on Jeongin and the silence that drops on the both of you like a warm blanket. You smile softly at him, gently letting go of his hand before tucking a few strands of his hair behind his ear, almost melting when Jeongin’s eyes flutter close.

“Hey Jeongin?” You call, grabbing his hand once again and interlacing the fingers together.

“Yeah?”

“When I… leave,” You notice the twitch in his expression, but nonetheless, continue. “Will you bring me flowers every week?” 

You remember the red rose you’d found tucked behind your ear when you woke up — it had dried up a bit, but nonetheless, it was one of the prettiest objects you’d ever seen — even though there was a whole bouquet of them spewing out your mouth every two seconds.

“I will.” Jeongin sniffles. The thought of having to visit your grave every week to bring you flowers is immensely saddening, but Jeongin agrees anyways. He agrees, for you.

It’s the least he can do.

It’s funny how you say “leave”, like you’re going to your hometown for a month-long vacation and not actually like you’re going to be buried any time soon. Jeongin thinks it’s because you don’t want him to get too sad over his loss — a stupid thing to wish — Jeongin knows this loss is going to affect him in more ways than one.

“Jeongin, d-don’t cry…” You cup his cheek, gently brushing your thumb against his cheek and wiping away the tears that fall, one by one. Jeongin shakes his head, placing his palm on your hand and smiling at you.

“Can you do me another favor?”

“As many as you’d like Y/N.” He says. He’ll do anything you want — it’s your last wish after all.

“Bury me with my flower journal, please?” It may seem like a weird claim to bury oneself with a dusty old book, but Jeongin understands the significance — you want to hold onto those memories you made with him while writing it together, while picking flowers together and all those happy moments you exchanged.

Jeongin tries not to let his voice break again. “I will.”

You beam at his acceptance. Jeongin feels the slight thump of his heart against his chest, and a warm feeling envelopes him from inside. He’s suddenly overcome with an urge to press delicate kisses on your eyelids, though he tries to shoo it away, because it isn’t the main point of focus right now.

But soon your mother walks in, and it’s all small talk and deep conversations with her at the same time. You have breakfast, persuade (more like force) Jeongin to scarf down his meal and giggle about some random jokes thrown here and there, until the doctor comes in. Both Jeongin and your mother stand up, bowing and wishing good morning while you do too. Wish, not stand up. You’re basically tied to the bed at this point.

“Mrs L/N, I’d have had a word with you in private, but I think Miss Y/N needs to hear this too.” 

“What is it, doctor?”

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion and Jeongin’s grip on your hand tightens, thumb rubbing over your skin to soothe your obvious tension. The doctor slides the transparent, firm sheet off it’s envelope before letting the sunlight hit the back of it, in order to enable a clearer viewing.

“This is… the most unusual case I’ve ever seen, but —” He points to a junction on the scan. “The flowers have actually reduced in amount, and they've separated from the windpipe by a whole two inches. See?” He points at the edges of the lungs and at the windpipe, but you understand what he means. The flowers are there, no doubt, but it’s almost like — a whole stem of them just disappeared into thin air.

Of course this could’ve been because you coughed them up, but the coughed up flowers go instantly, or so you’ve heard. There’s confusion written on all of your faces right now.

“Is that why I was feeling lighter and easier to breathe today? Because the flowers withered off and gave more space for air?” You ask in your low voice, and your doctor nods.

“Seems like it. Do you have your previous scan?” Your mother hands it to him quickly after a great deal of fishing out of her purse.

He places the earlier scan behind the newer one, and suddenly, you can see what he means. It’s almost like they shrunk — you don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but nonetheless, you’re happy you can breathe a bit more.

“What does this mean, though?” Jeongin asks, bewildered at the strange news. The room is so quiet and the tension is thick enough to cut with a knife, and you can see both your mother and Jeongin waiting for the doctor’s words.

“It means that we’ll take another scan tomorrow, a deeper one. And check if the flowers are actually collecting somewhere else, or just disappearing. And if they are disappearing…” He trails off, and you giggle when Jeongin and your mother lean forward in anticipation, though curious yourself.

“She’ll be home by Christmas. Or even earlier, if the recovery speed is fast.”

“Y-You mean… I can be cured?” Your voice shakes with hope, and the doctor smiles sweetly at you, before nodding.

“Yes dear, you’ll be the first patient who’s walked out of this place cured from hanahaki.”

At that moment, it almost feels like every flower inside your chest wilts out — you feel so light, so ecstatic. You’re over the clouds at the news, and don’t even hear your mother’s cries of thankfulness before the doctor heads out.

“Y/N!” Jeongin exclaims, ignoring the fluttering feeling in his heart and the burn in his cheeks when he cups your own. “You’re gonna come home!”

You shake with soft sobs, and smile at Jeongin.

“I’m gonna come home.” Provided the scan tomorrow showed a positive result, but you don’t bother to mention that part.

And the next day, when your scan results come back, a huge smile adorns your face, and your mother is in tears. Happy tears.

The sunshine is overly bright today, leaving you squinting for sight, especially when you’re seated in a garden out in the open, book in one hand and the other one resting against the cool, moist grass. The air holds a musky forest scent, and you revel in the feeling of the shivers the cold air that cuts through skin brings.

The park is relatively empty for the morning — you’re glad it is, because it brings on a sense of calmness that you seem to like. The surroundings are just perfect — you don’t want anyone to disrupt your mood right now.

So yeah. The story ends that way. You recover, bit by bit, though it takes a whole bunch of time. There were times when you still had to cough out those petals, but you couldn’t be happier — it felt as though you were spitting out those vicious thorns that had tormented and threatened your life. The doctors had no idea how you’d managed to recover — but this was an interesting case to put into their portfolio, so they weren’t complaining.

And oh, you had Jeongin to help you through all of it, of course. 

It had taken you two weeks to be discharged from the hospital and be able to finally walk again, but when you did it — you felt like a whole new person, in a whole new world. Sure, you had to hold onto your mother or Jeongin wherever you went for the first week or so — it was almost like your legs had turned jelly.

When you returned home, Jeongin insisted that he take you to the garden every day, and when you complained that you couldn’t walk, he’d lifted you into his arms (bridal style, again) and carried you all the way there, and then given you a piggyback ride you all the way back home.

Eventually, you ended up telling him the truth — that the unrequited love that caused everything was because of how you’d fallen for him. You figured he deserved it, especially when he’d stuck with you the whole time without any hesitation and helped you whenever he could — he was truly one of the nicest, kindest people you’d ever met.

Of course, you were surprised when Jeongin only smiled and told you that he knew what you were talking about, and then proceeded to narrate how he’d overheard you in the hospital. Giggles left his lips when you gave him that meme-worthy look, making him shake his head before slinging and arm over his shoulder.

Surprisingly, that night ended just like the books — lovey-dovey confessions exchanged in the warm and intimate setting of the night sky, over shy smiles and lingering kisses. The both of you finally gave in to each other.

Huh, so maybe you were wrong about them — books — after all.

So when, your love was returned in the end, every flower in your chest had finally disappeared, and you couldn’t have been happier.

“You know when I brought you here I wanted you to help me pick flowers and not read a book?”

You laugh at the voice that comes from behind, closing the book shut before placing it on the side while Jeongin takes a seat beside you, hissing at the slight coldness of the grass. Ah, what a romantic scenario — green and colorful flowers as far as the eye could see, a book that you’ve been trying to finish but have never been able to because your boyfriend keeps interrupting you with his random outbursts of affection, and said person sitting right next to you.

“Well, you keep interrupting me all the time!” You chuckle, sliding a hand behind his shoulder before pulling him down to lie on your lap, and Jeongin complies. A sigh of content leaves his lips when he feels your fingers comb through his hair to rid them of any tangles — Jeongin feels stupid to not realise how much he loves you. It feels nice to call you his, feels nice to be able to say I love you, in all of it’s true meaning.

“What, I can’t cuddle my girlfriend now? Come on,” He takes your other hand in his, turning onto his back to look up at you before pressing his lips to the back of your hand. You feel the heat creep up your cheeks when he calls you his girlfriend, still not being able to take it in without growing immensely shy.

“You crybaby, fine. I’ll read the book later only because I love you and you give exceptionally nice cuddles.”

“Hmm, good.” He mumbles sleepily, eyes fluttering shut in calmness when he feels your fingers brush away any stray locks of hair that may get into his eyes. The reaction to your touch is so immediate these days, Jeongin thinks it’s a part of his routine now. Spend at least an hour admiring you in all of your happy, healthy glory.

Meanwhile, you’re sitting there, admiring his features in silence. His hair has grown longer now — Jeongin refuses to cut it no matter your endless verbalizations of how his original haircut looked better — and a small part of you has grown fond of this look too. His warm skin, and his sparkly eyes when he looks up at you, the bright, loving smile that he displays before getting out of your lap, kissing you on your lips to break you out of your focus.

The action only makes you more shy, and Jeongin laughs, cooing at your behavior before standing up, dusting his clothes off the dirt and extending his hand for you.

“Lend me a hand, will you?”

The line seems vaguely familiar and you’re overcome with a sense of deja vu, but nonetheless, you give him your hand, standing up before picking up your satchel and handing him his own.

“Now are you gonna pick a rose for me or do I have to do it myself again?” Jeongin raises an eyebrow and smirks, and you frown, slapping his arm before walking off to check all the flowers in their bushes.

“Hey, wait for me! Y/N!”

When he reaches you, he slides a hand into your own, interlacing the fingers before looking at you lovingly.

“I love you.” You both say at the same time, giggling at each other soon after — perhaps at how well you knew each other to time the confession so well.

So, this is how it ends. While you do think that things could’ve been handled differently, you’re glad that everything went the way it went, because in the end, you’d found him, he’d found you, you’d discovered your feelings together. You loved each other.

Because love and a red rose could never be truly hid.

but what if she had never recovered?

taglist: @inkidz​ @stayverse​ @districtninewriters​ @kpopscape​ @skzwritersclub​ + @sunoo-luvs​ @sleepylixie​ @rae-blogging​ @happiestgirlontheeastcoast @guerillrah​ @p2q3r4​ @baby-innie​ (Please send me an ask if you’d like to be added to my taglist!) *oh holy lord pls let this show up in the tags*

[horrorisunknowntoyou]

Oh , My Aphrodite.

(In game! Techno blade x reader ) based of the song “ Love like you “ from SU 

(Romance and fluff :) 

https://youtu.be/5PjDQOPrHJA 

Techno has conflicted feelings about y/n , he feels he isn’t good enough for her and that he’s too dangerous but y/n doesn’t think the same and instead comforts him. Also it may be a little OOC for tech sorry. 🥺 _____________________________________ 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

  Techno and y/n were a strange couple that was for sure , they seem like total opposites a quiet brute man that techno was , and the bubbly talkative girl who loved roses and baking.  For many it was a surprised that techno had a lover considering the things he have done and his personality. But in fact they were a pretty happy stable relationship compare to the others on the smp was shocking. They kinda watch over Ranboo as if he was their kid or something , he didn’t really live with them but near by and they would check up on him.    y/n was okay with Techno’s beliefs and such and it didn’t really bother her as she had no connections towards the places and people, plus by the sound of it the blonde boy who would visit them screaming explained it, it didn’t sound so great. She mostly stayed home , tend a farm and brew potions for techno for his journeys and fights. Sometimes she’ll go on little missions on her own to get supplies by the near by villages usually with techno constantly telling her to have a totem of undying on her no matter what. And so y/n wouldn’t be lonely she would hang out with her father in law sometimes and joke about stuff and teach her the basics in sword fighting and some family stories.    What techno loved so much about her is her passion in things she enjoys and the small little gestures of affection she does for him, and always willing to learn new things. From fixing and sewing his clothes , from her making a rose garden and putting them in her hair, talking about her fixations of stories and art. They way she bandaged him up and give him his favorite food after a fight and take care for him. He doesn’t know how he got such a wonderful women like her , she was just so loyal to him he didn’t deserve it. 

  He remembers how he met her she was walking in the snow with barely anything on crying , almost freezing to death but he luckily got her before she did and helped her back to his home. He was very very unsure what to do but he tried his best to help her. After awhile and her resting she told him she got kicked out from her boyfriends house and was basically left to die. But that she was very great full towards techno and wished to repay him back in anyway she can so techno let her do tasks for him. After awhile she got used to being around him and kinda cling onto him wishing to stay with him. After a lot of thinking he agreed to it and let her stay with him , it was hard/awkward at first because she’s obviously been abused but together she eventually grew back her strength and confidence which deepen their bond. They were good friends and did stuff for each other and start developing feelings for each other. Even Phil kinda noticed when he visit techno and talk to him , he very much noticed the chemistry between the two. But after some awkward dates , a lot of being flustered and being quiet with each other they finally started to date and show their true feelings with each other and it was a big change for them both.    Currently now techno was happy in the relationship he was in , I mean he even had a golden ring for her but he wasn’t sure why but he’s been so hesitant and unsure of himself. He was coming home from a trip from a village for the ring. This trip made him think a lot , he killed a lot of people , he had blood on his hands, the voices in his head. The betrayals he had and the nicknames, he was called, “ The blade” , “ The blood god.” Would she really want to be associated with that with him? She would become a target and she is okay with that? The voices in his head were conflicting him because they weren’t begging for blood. But instead haft worried for her and haft very happy and it was an overwhelming feeling cause he wasn’t used to it that he kinda stood outside his home frozen still, tears overwhelming him and stream down his face , his skull hog mask covering his face. He just stood there crying quietly lightly shaking as his love wait for him.  y/n was inside baking some goods as she waits for techno to come home and noticed something at the window when she was cleaning up. She peeked out to see and noticed it was techno as she happily clap in glee. But she noticed how stiff and tense he appeared outside , now that she mention it he’s been kinda distant with her maybe she could go outside to check on him. Y/n quickly put her coat on and open the door walking over to him as the snow crunch under her feet, it was hella cold outside. “ Techno, techno love you okay?” She was few inches from him and looked at him “ tech?...you okay?...”“she slowly moved over to him and gently place on a hand on his cheek as the other gently lift up his mask. She takes out a handkerchief and gently wipe his tears away as she place soft kisses “ hey...hey it’s okay baby I’m here.” She softly says as techno starts to clear his mind and focus his vision he started to calm down back into reality. “Y/n?....is that you?” Techno said so softly as y/n perk up at his voice “ yes! Yes it’s me my love , what’s wrong?” She says softly as she cupped his face gently caressing his cheek with her thumb. He basically melted into her touch “ oh my Aphrodite, I just....I don’t know... I know I been distant from you and I apologize. But I just-” she cuts him off “ it’s okay I know, I know let’s just get you back inside okay? It’s cold and I’m freezing and I just want you to know that if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t Be here and I think that says a lot about you . “ She said smiling towards him grabbing his hand and walking back to the warm cozy house sitting him down as she sat beside him holding him close to her. “ I love you techno , and...I’m grateful for everything you do for me and that yes I have noticed your distance and etc but believe me when I say that , I think you deserve it , my love. You helped me so much and made me happy, you gave me strength and I’m forever loyal to you. I was in a pretty shitty situation , and you made me feel better about myself. I know your not perfect and neither am I but I just wanted to let you know, sorry if I’m rambling or if doesn’t make sense but I’m just trying to say I love you and that you deserve it .” Techno looked up at her after she was talking and smiles a bit , he gently gives her soft kisses and nuzzles of affection ““thank you I needed that” he gently took off his cape his coat and such , and putting his cloak on her but forgetting it’s too heavy on her as He heard an “oof!” And a thud on the floorboards, “ y/n! I’m sorry I forgot !” He scrambled to help her up and sit her down, ““I’m sorry,” ““it’s okay!, it’s okay! You didn’t mean to !” She giggled as he relaxes. “ Well okay...well thank you my Aphrodite and I think your worthy of my love too, I’m glad I’m with you.” 

(Part 2 maybe idk ) 

[aphrostarot]

Relationship Compatibility Pick a Pile

Are you and the person you are thinking of compatible?

*You do not have to be in a relationship with them currently*

Remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Do not try and force it to fit. If you would like a personal reading you can click here. There I have my shop where I offer all of my readings. Or you can dm me with what you'd like.

*Please read before you pick a pile*

I say spirit when I am channeling and writing out your readings, if you do not believe in spirit that is totally okay, this message is still meant for you if you feel that it is! Whatever you believe in is valid and you can ignore when I say spirit if you don't believe in it or, replace it with whoever you believe is giving you this message. If you have any questions or you just want to talk about this feel free to dm me!

Pile One (Amazonite):

-Partner One (Could be you or them)-

For the sake of simplicity, I will be calling you partner one but you may resonate with partner two, and if that’s the case you will need to swap out the yous and theys.

Their Personality:

Two of Wands:

You are a natural-born leader with charm and charisma that makes everyone like you instantly. The future is always on your mind, constantly trying to make your dreams come true. You are also extremely courageous and competitive, which allows you to accomplish your goals.

Their Dreams/Ideals:

King of Wands:

The King of Wands has been working towards success their whole life and now they have gotten it. They are constantly working towards the things they want and they end up getting those things. Through their hard work, they have also grown a following of people who view them as the boss. This is what you dream of. You want to be in charge and successful. You want people to follow your lead.

Queen of Swords:

The Queen of Swords stands their ground and doesn’t let anyone walk all over them. The people in their life know exactly where they stand with them and the Queen loves that. You dream of being this person, of being confident enough to stand up for yourself. You dream that one day you won’t care what people will think when you stand up for yourself.

Where their Loyalties lie:

King of Cups:

The King of Cups is exceptionally empathetic, in fact, some would say that the King is the epitome of empathy. You are extremely empathetic and you take pride in this. Even if you want it to change. Your biggest fear is having people think negatively of you so you do everything in your power to make sure they think you’re nice. That is where your loyalties lie. In your desire to be liked by everyone.

What they’re willing to commit:

King of Pentacles:

This King is the provider. They have accumulated a lot of success and wealth in their life and they are now at the point where they want to settle down and be the provider in their relationship. This is you, you are willing to be the person that the other can rely on.

Nine of Cups:

The Nine of Cups is all about wish fulfillment. You are willing to make all of your lover’s dreams come true. You want nothing more than to make them happy and you feel that the only way to do that is by making their dreams come true.

Partner Two (Could be you or them)

Their Personality:

The Empress:

The person you are thinking of is extremely warm, compassionate, and loving. They are very creative and highly intelligent, they may even work in art.

Six of Swords:

They are also a very strategic person. They are constantly looking for new approaches to problem-solving. They love to work through problems and get through obstacles.

Their Dreams/Ideals:

Two of Cups:

The Two of Cups is the card of true love. The person you are thinking of dreams of being in a happy and healthy relationship. They want to be with their soulmate.

Eight of Cups:

The Eight of Cups depicts a person leaving their life and starting over again. This person dreams of starting their life over again. They want to drop everything and run away, to begin again.

Where their loyalties lie:

Seven of Wands:

The Seven of Wands usually comes out to represent a period of time when you are not on good terms with someone. Your person may be fighting with someone currently and their sole focus at the moment is to come out on the winning side. A good thing about this card is that it usually predicts that you will come out on the winning side.

What they’re willing to commit:

Ten of Cups:

The Ten of Cups is a really good sign in any love reading. It talks about fairytale endings. This person is willing to commit their all to make this relationship just like a fairytale. They want to settle down and create a family with you.

Your Overall Compatibility:

King of Swords:

You both can have a steady and stable relationship, but only if you are willing to accept each other for who you are. This King can represent a relationship that is overbearing and controlling if both parties do not accept the other for who they are. Spirit is telling you to not try and control the other and mold them into what you want them to be.

The Relationships Long-term Potential:

The World:

This is a great card to get especially in an outcome position for love! This represents a relationship where your partner or future partner literally will want to give you the world. Spirit is saying that this relationship has great long-term potential!

Oracle:

What you need to know about this relationship/what it will teach you.

Bitch Fire:

Stand up for yourself. This card talks about how it is time for you to stand up for yourself and with the cards coming out for partner one showing that they dream of standing up for themselves, this is a perfect card to get here. This relationship will teach you to stand up for yourself, it will help you to grow your confidence.

Feast:

The message of this card is; “Slow down and celebrate yourself”. This relationship will allow both of you the chance to slow down and take a breath. Sometimes life gets hectic and it’s hard to celebrate yourself, this relationship will encourage you to take breaks, to recognize that you deserve to be celebrated.

Overall with both of these cards coming out it is clear that this relationship will help you to grow your confidence, it will teach you that you are worthy of not only love but that you are also worthy of being celebrated.

Channeled Songs:

Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls or Sleeping with Sirens

Cheyenne - Grayson Chance

IDK you yet - Alexander 23

Lover - Taylor Swift

Letters:

S

G

J

E

Pile Two (Fuchsite):

Partner One (Could be you or them)

For the sake of simplicity, I will be calling you partner one but you may resonate with partner two, and if that’s the case you will need to swap out the yous and theys.

Your Personality:

Six of Pentacles:

You care deeply about those around you — you will stop at nothing to help friends and family in times of need. Your connection with spirituality has taught you to be calm and patient, pushing you to always strive to perform good deeds for the benefit of others.

Your Dreams/Ideals:

The Moon:

Your intuition may not be good right now, you may be the person who has a bad judge of character. You dream that your intuition will get better, that it will help you to be a better judge of character when you first meet someone.

Where your Loyalties lie:

Four of Swords:

You may feel as though your life has come to a complete halt, that there is no movement in your life. You do not want to be around anyone in this time choosing to be alone.

Temperance:

Temperance is almost the exact same. You are at a period in your life when nothing is happening and you find yourself wanting to be alone. Temperance calls for a period of rest. Your loyalties lie in you right now, you are focusing on yourself and your recovery.

What you’re willing to commit:

Strength:

You are the person who is willing to do anything and put in all the effort for your relationships. Sometimes to a fault. You end up being the only one making an effort in your relationships. Spirit wants you to be aware of this.

Partner Two (Could be you or them)

Their Personality:

Three of Pentacles:

This person is a great team player and has really great communication skills. They could work in construction which they take great pride in. They have great problem-solving skills and don’t back down from arguments easily. They are a very good listener as well.

Their Dreams/Ideals:

Eight of Swords:

They are feeling trapped in their current life and they dream of breaking the chains that are holding them back. This is usually a signifier of a very controlling relationship whether it is romantic, platonic, or a boss-employee relationship.

Where their loyalties lie:

Four of Pentacles:

This is the card of possessiveness. The card of wanting to hold onto what you have with all of your might. Your person may have things in their life that they do not want to let go of and are not going to get into a relationship that will make them let go of those things. If you are in a relationship with them, then they may be feeling very possessive over you, and do not want to let you go.

What they’re willing to commit:

King of Pentacles:

The King of Pentacles is the provider. They have accumulated so much in their life and now they want to be the sole provider for those that they love. Your person is willing to be your provider, they want you to rely on them. This doesn’t have to always be about money but the Pentacles usually symbolize money.

Your Overall Compatibility

The Hanged Man:

This is the card of having to make sacrifices in order to get what you want. So, that being said, Spirit is saying that you can make your relationship work if and only if you are willing to let some things go first. I get the feeling that it isn’t you that is not willing it is your person and if that is the case you may just have to let them go.

Relationship Long-term Potential:

Ten of Swords:

A lot of readers interpret this card as the worst card to get in the deck. It symbolizes disaster and destruction. So, Spirit is saying that this relationship is not going to benefit either of you in the long run. This card when talking about a romantic relationship symbolizes one that will bring you nothing but disaster and depressive thoughts. If you are in this relationship Spirit wants you to get out and move on to much better things.

Oracle:

What do you need to know about the relationship/what will it teach you?

Wings:

This is the card of being stuck in a situation that makes your self-esteem worse, one that you feel like you can never get out of. Spirit is saying that this is you in the relationship, it is a very toxic situation and makes you think very negatively about yourself. Spirit is telling you that you can’t fly away if you allow yourself to be stuck in this relationship. You need to get out if you are already in it, if you are not in it then you should not pursue it.

Channeled Songs:

Drive - Oh Wonder

Pillowtalk - Zayn

Same - Josh Knowles

Sauced Up - Fifth Harmony

Letters:

I

I

G

G

O

L

Pile Three (Rose Quartz):

Partner One (Could be you or them)

For the sake of simplicity, I will be calling you partner one but you may resonate with partner two, and if that’s the case you will need to swap out the yous and theys.

Your Personality:

Six of Wands:

The Six of Wands represents an extremely confident person who is a natural leader. They are very organized and are willing to take risks if they need to. They are also very optimistic and love being in the spotlight. Spirit is saying that this is you.

Your Dreams/Ideals:

The Devil:

The Devil is all things desire and passion. Sex, greed, drugs, and love are all things symbolized by the Devil in Tarot. You may feel like you don’t have enough of this in your life and you dream of having it. You want the extremely passionate maybe borderline toxic love, you want to have fun but the kind of fun that allows you to break the rules sometimes even laws.

Where your Loyalties lie:

Ace of Cups:

As most know Aces in Tarot, most always signify a new beginning and in the case of the cups it talks about a new beginning in love. You are in search of a new relationship. One that brings you nothing but happiness and makes all of your dreams come true. If you find someone and they don’t live up to those expectations you are quick to drop them and look for a new person.

What you’re willing to commit:

Knight of Swords:

The Knight of Swords is the one who will stand up for those they love. They are usually pretty aggressive people and are willing to fight the people that mess with the ones they love. Spirit is saying that in terms of what you will bring to the relationship, you are willing to fight for the person who you choose to settle down with.

Partner Two (Could be you or them)

Their Personality:

Ten of Wands:

Your person is extremely hardworking and talented but is prone to self-punishment and overexertion. They are the one who will put everyone else's needs above their own. They may think that they are just very generous but in actuality, they are too afraid to address their own needs. Which then makes them take on everyone else's problems and neglect themselves.

Their Dreams/Ideals:

Knight of Wands:

The Knight of Wands is the fastest moving court card. They are extremely enthusiastic and work hard to get the things they want. They are willing to do anything to manifest their dreams into reality. Your person dreams of being this way.

Where their loyalties lie:

Two of Cups:

This is the card of true love. Your person wants to be in a happy and almost fairy-tale-like relationship. They much like you are not going to settle, they want what they want and if someone doesn’t give them that then they will move on to the next person.

What they’re willing to commit:

Page of Wands:

The Page of wands is extremely friendly and enthusiastic. Your person is willing to add a great deal of excitement to your relationship. They want the fast-paced and extremely fun love, so they are willing to provide that.

Your Overall Compatibility

The Magician:

This is the card of manifestations becoming reality. So, this would mean that you both manifested this relationship. They symbolize you getting the relationship that you want from this person.

The Empress:

This is a very positive card to get in terms of love. I will say though that it does represent pregnancy so if you are not trying to have kids keep this in mind. But, overall this card is a great card to get when talking about love, this relationship will be one where you can start a family. When it doesn’t represent pregnancy it is still positive, representing you being with this person for a long time.

Relationship Long-term Potential:

Nine of Cups:

This is the card of wish fulfillment. So, it is almost guaranteed that you will get everything that you wished for from this relationship. A happy home, a family, marriage, etc. This is a good sign of a lasting relationship!

Oracle:

What do you need to know about the relationship/what will it teach you?

Red:

This is the card of forgiveness. So, this relationship will teach you and your person how to forgive the people in your life, including yourself more easily.

Dragon:

This card speaks of slaying all of your dragons. Spirit is saying that your relationship with this person will help both of you to stand up for yourselves and fight back against people and things that are not doing you right.

Channeled Songs:

Dopamine - Borns

Don’t Cha - The Pussycat Dolls

More - 5SOS

Iris - The Googoo Dolls or Sleeping With Sirens

Letters:

A

A

M

I

I

L

Pile Four (Sodalite):

Partner One (Could be you or them)

For the sake of simplicity, I will be calling you partner one but you may resonate with partner two, and if that’s the case you will need to swap out the yous and theys.

Your Personality:

Eight of Pentacles:

You are extremely devoted and dedicated to the jobs you pursue. You may be in a junior position or a learning position but you still love the beginning stages of anything you pursue, you find it extremely exhilarating. You may often find an interest in things that others do not. It is also very hard for you to trust anyone, it takes you a long time to fully let people in.

Your Dreams/Ideals:

The High Priestess:

You are highly sensitive and intuitive but you may not be as in tune with it as you’d like. You dream of gaining better access to your intuition. You want to be extremely spiritual.

Where your Loyalties lie:

The Chariot:

You are constantly on the move from one thing to the next. Going wherever your heart desires. Your loyalties are to your pursuit of happiness and if someone doesn’t want to tag along and only holds you back then they are not the right one for you.

What you’re willing to commit:

The Tower:

You have developed a thick skin and have taken on the takes no shit attitude. You are willing to be the strong person in your relationship, the person who stands up to the haters and doesn’t let anyone harm you or your person.

Partner Two (Could be you or them)

Their Personality:

Queen of Swords:

Your person is extremely wise and a great critical thinker. Their ability to think critically almost always overtakes their emotions. They can lucidly perceive every situation they get into. Their worldview is dominated by logical thought.

Their Dreams/Ideals:

Nine of Cups:

Your person dreams of having all of their wishes fulfilled. They want all of their dreams to come true. They want to be the luckiest person alive.

Where their loyalties lie:

Three of Swords:

The Three of Swords is the heartbreak card. Your person may have had their heart broken recently or in the past and it is really affecting their everyday life. Currently, they fear getting heartbroken again. They don’t ever want to go through that again. So, they are avoiding people who they think may break their heart.

What they’re willing to commit:

Temperance:

They want a happy and healthy relationship. Temperance is all about equilibrium, so, a balanced happy healthy relationship comes with that. They will do anything to get that relationship.

Your Overall Compatibility

Four of Pentacles:

The Four of Pentacles is a very possessive card. When it is talking about relationships it signals that someone in the relationship is very possessive and wants the other person under their control. Yes, they are interested but you are the judge of if you want that kind of relationship or not.

Relationship Long-term Potential:

Six of Swords:

This is the card of generosity. It usually means that your person is willing to support you for the foreseeable future. One drawback is that it represents charity for now, not forever. That doesn’t mean your relationship has no long-term potential it is just warning you to remain in the present.

Oracle:

What do you need to know about the relationship/what will it teach you?

Garden:

This is the card of something lovely growing from your situation. So, Spirit is saying that this relationship will help you to heal and to grow into who you are meant to become.

Spaceship:

This is the card of not being afraid to use your voice. This relationship will allow you to use your voice and to sing your heart out.

Channeled Songs:

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

Changes - Hayd

Best Years - 5SOS

Skin - Rihanna

Letters:

D

J

Blank (Whatever you want it to be)

F

I

G

[kyswoo]

Gone // Kim Sunwoo

masterlist 🌸

pairing: ex!sunwoo x reader(gn i think)

genre: angst

warnings: mentions of alcohol, no happy ending also

summary: after you and Sunwoo broke up, everything reminds him of you

word count: 660

playlist: 5sos-Amnesia, 5sos- Beside You, 5sos- Lie to Me, 1D- I Wish

a/n: this is kinda inspired by some 5sos songs, that’s why I put the playlist and it’s basically 5sos, you can listen to it while you read this, for better experience(?) idk lol

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

“Sunwoo are you coming?”

“Sorry” that was all Sunwoo could say after a few seconds in silence, he could hear Kevin sigh through the phone, the boy already expected this

“Well… if you change your mind, you know where we are”

He couldn’t say anything else and hang up, all he could think was you, now that he found the shirt you always wore and it brought back his memories of you, the way it felt to sleep next to you, the way you always made him smile after a rough day, the way you were his light.

He couldn’t hold his tears back whenever he would think of you, he couldn’t bring himself to delete your pictures, looking at it, that once made him smile so bright, now it makes him cry.

He just wants all this to be a bad dream, so he can wake up with you by his side, so he can hug you and make it right, so he wouldn’t lose you.

He still cries at night whenever he remember your words from that day, he should have ran after you, he should have made you stay, he shouldn’t have let you go, if only he could go back and do different.

But now it’s too late to go after you, now that you moved on, how did you even do it, if everything you went through together was real, how could you be fine?

Do you miss him? Even if just a little. Do you remember all the good moments you shared together?

He doesn’t want you to be just a memory, he wants to be beside you, wants to hold you tight while he says he loves you, these 3 words that he wanted to hear you say to him so bad right now

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

“I should go out for a while” he said to himself, he knows that cry in his room all day won’t bring you back.

He change his clothes, so he won’t look like a complete mess, and goes to the club his friends were. He searched for the familiar faces once he got there, Sunwoo saw Eric’s figure and walked towards them.

“Sunwoo! We though you were not coming” Eric said putting his arms around him, they all looked surprised to see Sunwoo there

“I needed some fresh air” he wanted to smile, after so long without seeing his friends, but he couldn’t “I needed a drink actually”

He sat on the chair at the bar and took a drink, he looked around, eveyone looked happy, he was too, a few months ago. He almost choked when he saw your face, he could feel the pain on his chest and this time it hurted even more, you were there, right in front of him, smiling at someone else, you were so close but so far at the same time.

You looked at him and for a few seconds your smile faded, he could see the pain in your eyes. You turned your attention back to the person with you, he was hoping you would look at him again, but you didn’t.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

“hey the boys are calling you” Changmin called Sunwoo, but he was still looking at you, Changmin noticed it and followed his eyes, seeing you "oh… I didn’t knew they were here, sorry..“ he rested his hand on Sunwoo’s shoulder trying to comfort him ’‘you okay?”

“I need to talk to them” he stood up but Changmin held him

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, it looks like they are on a date” Sunwoo looked at the person in front of you and how you two are holding hands.

“but..”

“no Sunwoo.. I’m sorry but… they already moved on” he looked at you one last time before going back to his friends

All he can do now is move on too, but you’re just too hard to forget, sometimes he just wishes to wake up with amnesia.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

[daggxrsanddrxamers]

lighters and candy, i’ve been a fool

Wesper fanfic, cuz i'm currently in love with them<3

Fluff, 1123 words

Wesper goes apple picking, that's the plot, warning for intense fluff

Wylan had noticed jesper working himself to the bone, what with trying to explain everything in the books related to the business to him, still working at the crow club sometimes, and just the stress of living in a city like Ketterdam, Jesper didn’t look too well rested.

And that would never do, would it? Wylan wanted to do something special for him, a perfect date, free of stress, away from the continuous noise of the city perhaps. He had contacted Colm Fahey, asking him if Jesper had any childhood memories he had favoured a lot, or a moment which he cherished.

Colm had chuckled and told him about a young jesper going out to pick apples every year, riding on the shoulders of his father, with his mother’s angelic voice singing everything from ballads to popular folk songs. The story had brought an inexplicable warmth to Wylan’s heart.

So he’d gone out one day, and found this beautiful apple orchard just outside the city, the branches were laden with apples now and open to the public.

So today, Wylan was gonna drag Jesper out with him, no matter what happens. It didn’t take much to convince Jesper to go out with him and soon they were strolling down the streets hand in hand, wide smiles plastered on their faces.

“So, where are we going?” Jesper asks, swinging their joined hands between them, a sunny smile on his face.

Wylan, caught up in staring at him, forgets to answer for a second. “It's a surprise, why would I tell you now?” he says with a cheeky grin.

Jesper laughs and pulls him closer, walking along with him towards wherever Wylan’s gonna lead him. The amount of trust Jesper puts in him, makes his world light up in all the prettiest colours there ever can be.

The walk is short, and they eventually reach the gates, but Wylan’s face falls seeing the gates closed, the orchard having been closed off to the public for the day, he turns to Jesper with a sad smile on his face.

“I...I wanted to bring you apple picking” he blushes “Your father said that that’s something you always loved to do” he shrugs, “Guess we can’t go, today then.”

Jesper laughs and brushes some hair away from his face, “Who said we can’t go in anyways?” and right then if Wylan could freeze the twinkle in his eyes, and take t out everyday to see, he would.

“What do you mean? The gates are closed, though.”

A bright grin spreads across Jesper’s freckled face, “We broke into the ice court, darling, don’t tell me you’re afraid to break into an apple orchard of all places?”

Realization dawns in Wylan’s eyes and he falls in love with this brave, golden boy all over again. “Let’s go, then, scale a few walls?”

And then they're running towards the wall, bright laughter ringing out behind them, like a trail of love and happiness, Jesper vaults up onto the wall and then pulls Wyan up, they jump down on the other side, but Wylan trips, and they land in a tangle of messy limbs and sharp elbows. Jesper looks like he’s about to say something sarcastic, but Wylan kisses him, effectively stopping all effective communication on his part.

They break apart and sit up, still laughing, and reluctant to move away from each other. Wylan wishes that he could stop time forever right here in this perfect moment, Jesper’s brighter than sunlight smile, his for all of time.

They slowly get up off the ground, and Jesper takes off running towards the nearest tree, calling for Wylan to follow him.

Wylan laughs and runs after him, keeping up with his long legs, proving to be a challenge, but Wylan’s up for it, and he catches up soon enough.

Jesper swings himself up using one of the low hanging branches, and Wylan can’t get enough of how he looks, silhouetted by the bright sunlight, the picture of confidence, as he walks across the branch with a wicked confident smile on his face, that makes Wylan’s heart skip a few beats. It can’t possibly be good for his heart to try and beat itself out of his chest, could it? He wonders absentmindedly to himself.

“Will you just stand there gawking or will you help me with apples, love” jesper teases, from the branch, while expertly plucking a ruby red apple and throwing it down towards Wylan.

He catches it with just a small fumble and grins up at Jesper, “I sure as hell can catch your wonky throws while gawking.”

“Game on, then you pyromaniac”

“I might be a pyromaniac, but you can’t deny that I'm your pyromaniac,” Wylan says while trying to catch the dozen apples Jesper throws at him in quick succession.

Jesper jumps down from the tree with a soft adoring smile on his face, he cups his face in his hands and kisses him lightly, it reminds him of buttery sunshine and beautiful days, when the skies are blue and he can get lost in the symphonies of his flute.

They break away, giggling and laughing, and go back to apple picking, always near each other but not quite sticking to each other, like two suns, forever pulled to each other, a system in perfect harmony.

They finish picking apples, and meander back towards the gates, rather than climb a wall this time, they sneak out from the front gates, guilty smiles on their face, Jesper seems to walk more freely, Wylan notices absentmindedly, as if some invisible weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

As they walk side by side, Jesper brushes a shoulder against him and asks, “So you asked my father where we could go on a date, huh?”

Wylan’s face flushes red, “I..I did, he said it used to be a childhood memory,” He looks up at him inquisitively.”

A soft smile replaces the mischievous smile on Jesper’s face as he says in a soft voice, meant for recollecting rose tinted memories and whispering secret daydreams, “My mom, she made it a tradition, every year we’d go to the same orchard, it was the one day i had my parents all to myself, you know.”

Wylan nods along, watching Jesper sink deep into his memories, he knows they’ll have a thousand traditions like that, that they’ll make their own memories, already are making them. If you’d told a younger Wylan that he would get to have this life, he'd have told you that fairytales don’t come true, but right then Wylan felt his life come pretty close to that perfect fairytale he had always dreamt of.

Tagging some of you, who i think would like this...tell me if you wanna be removed or added

@wilhxlminxx @im-someone-i-guess @herondalesunsetcurve @jesper-fahey-supremacy @theshadowhunter (idk if you read soc yet)

[odetogyus]

wait

↳pairing/s: idol boyfriend!yugyeom x fem!reader

↳genre: angst (w/ a happy ending lol), idol!au

↳warnings: profanity, mentions of alcohol consumption, trust issues

↳song: wait by maroon 5

✎author's note: idk what I was going through when I wrote this but this was from my 2018 archive and I think this baby needs to see the light of day,, so here it is!

—

"The concert should be done now," you thought to yourself while staring at your phone.

Since your brother's wedding was in 2 days, you didn't have time to fly to Toronto to see your boyfriend and his group perform. You've been on a few tours with them– sometimes working as a stylist for Yugyeom and the whole team. JYP himself even sends you an extra ticket to every single country the boys go to just in case you wanted to come with, but this time however, you had to stay home to help out with your brother's wedding.

It's been almost 3 years since you started dating Yugyeom. What started out as a very unexpected interaction at a dance showcase, later bloomed into something so beautiful. Your relationship wasn't always pretty. In fact, it's true what they say about the first year; it definitely is the hardest.

You've seen them grow, not just as artists but as people, too. You've built such tight relationships with each and every one of them, even the staff members. GOT7 was a family and you were over the moon to be a part of it.

After a few hours of waiting, you decided to take a hot shower before taking a nap. It was a tiring day for you and your family. The wedding was in 2 days and there were a lot of things left to do. You also knew very well that the boys come out exhausted after every show, and so you fought back the slightest feeling of worry in your head and fell into a deep sleep.

–

You woke up to the sound of your phone going off.

BREAKING NEWS

MEMBERS OF THE KPOP GROUP– GOT7, WERE SEEN AT A CLUB IN TORONTO AFTER THEIR CONCERT. MEMBERS MARK TUAN, JACKSON WANG & KIM YUGYEOM WERE SPOTTED HEAVILY INTOXICATED WITH 3 UNKNOWN WOMEN JOINING THEM AT THEIR TABLE. NO OFFICIAL STATEMENTS REGARDING THE INCIDENT HAS BEEN RELEASED BY JYP ENTERTAINMENT.

People you knew and didn't know were tagging you everywhere. Every photograph, every article, they all had their eyes on Yugyeom, and they all had their eyes on you, too.

Your brother's fiancée barged into your room shortly after the news broke out. She was always there for you, and the relationship you shared was a very special one. You trusted her, and you never hid anything from her after the first time she saw you cry.

"Y/N," your almost sister-in-law cooed. You both knew that it was very unlikely of Yugyeom to act that way, but then again, the people surrounding them aren’t always angels. No one really is.

Just then, the name you've been waiting to see finally popped up on your screen, but this time, you weren't sure if you had the guts to answer him.

"Should I answer?" You asked, sounding miserable as ever. Tears escaped your eyes, glistening like broken glass when the sunlight hits the surface.

"You need to hear it from him, Y/N. I'll be in the kitchen, let me know if you need anything."

Accepting the call, you swallowed hard enough and prepared yourself for what could either be the most painful truth you had to hear, or the biggest lie ever you had to believe.

"Y/N.. hey, please let me explain," Yugyeom's voice was incredibly raspy and shaky, and you knew damn well that he was in tears. It's only been a few hours since the incident, so it was safe to say that he was still quite hungover. You knew they were well taken care of, but what happened cannot be rewritten again. What's done is done.

"Go ahead," you answered. Holding back your tears is always the hardest when you know that you have no choice but to endure the pain.

"We had a few drinks, and we had fun. We had so much fun. The boys and I, the staff. Me and Jackson hyung tried the hose thingy, it was so– cool– but, but I'm sorry babe, I'm so sorry–"

"Do you just.. wanna talk when you’re not like.. this, Yugyeom? Because if you're gonna keep doing this, I might as well just hang up and talk to my fucking wall–"

Oh, the theatrics of a brokenhearted beast.

"No.. stop, listen to me, I'm trying to explain!"

"Okay, then do it," you said angrily. The tears from your eyes were flowing down uncontrollably. It was so painful that you couldn't even hear anything else but the sound of his lies breaking you continuously.

"Mark hyung joined us, and we got so drunk, and next thing you know, these random girls sat with us at the table. I don't remember a lot but– I think one even bit my neck– it hurts, and she– I think she sat on my lap but I think I tried to push her off but I passed out. I don't really remember anything else–"

"You know, Gyeom? Sometimes, I wish you knew what it's like to be the one that patiently waits for you to come home, hoping that the worries in your head just disappear. How could you be so irresponsible? Man.. how could you do this to me? To us?"

"Y/N, you know I love you more than anything else but for fuck's sake, will you please believe me? My head hurts so much and you're acting up! Jesus!"

Yugyeom knew not to push your buttons, but in that state of his, he pushed it all, not missing one.

"Well, if that’s the case then I’m sorry. I’m sorry for caring too much, and for being all up in your business all the fucking time. Have fun remembering how you got that stupid hickey of yours, I’m done–"

"No, you are not hanging up on me, Y/N. It was a mistake, okay? God, my head is killing me and I just.. need you to believe me. I drank too much, and I know it’s bad, but I swear to fucking God, I didn’t do anything to hurt you. I would never hurt you. But you need.. to stop being difficult.. you’re making things worse here–"

The tension grew even more. You were both screaming your lungs out at each other, thousands of miles away from the other.

"Really now?" You spat bitterly. That was it for you. The last straw. "Well then, I know my brother invited you to the wedding, but don't bother showing up. I don't want to see you."

Your harsh words must've hurt Yugyeom so much, that his screams of anger just managed to slip out of his already worn out body.

"You're really throwing this all away– huh? Almost 3 years worth of memories? Just because I made a mistake, just because I don't remember everything that happened to me while I was intoxicated? You think I wanted those girls to come close to us? You're so– Y/N, you really think I wanted to hurt you, don't you? So now.. you do this? You're really breaking up with me? On the phone? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Trust, Yugyeom. Trust. You broke the most important thing we built. Do you know how hard it is to do this? To date someone like you? People send me death threats, Yugyeom. Just because I decided to be with you. Do you even know how I feel? Do you know how Mark's girlfriend feels? How Jackson's girlfriend feels? Because I do. We all fucking get it!"

"Okay, trust. But let me ask you Y/N, if things were so difficult, why are you still here? Why date me when you could've left? That's what you wanna do anyway, right? You wanna leave, you wanna be free, right?"

But it’s not freedom if it’s not with you.

The bitter taste of surprise was too much for you. It was never meant to hurt that much, but it did.

"Wanna know why I'm still here, Yugyeom?"

"Why," he spat coldly.

"Because I thought that– loving you, oh god, I thought that that was more than enough to believe that we'd make it. But at this point, maybe we're both just better off alone. Separate ways, Gyeom."

Yugyeom let out a faint laugh. The most painful laugh one could ever laugh. A laugh of defeat.

"You're really doing this, huh? This is what you want? You're really doing this to us–"

"You don't need to show up at the wedding.. I'll just, tell them about us after. We'll meet when we're both ready to talk. Be safe."

"Fuck this, Y/N. Fuck–"

And with that, you hung up.

Your heart was broken once again, not by the same person, but because of the same reason you kept your heart safe and hidden in the first place.

Trust.

Yugyeom was your true love. The man you believed to be was your person. The person you entrusted your fragile self to. The person you needed.

But maybe he doesn't need you.

Putting your phone on silent, you cried yourself to sleep, wishing you'd never wake up.

—

wedding day.

Your eyes were still tired and gloomy, but you were better. You haven't heard from him since the fight and although it hurt you too much to be that person to hang up and end things, you knew better than to mope all day and question your existence.

"You look so beautiful in that dress! I'm so happy you chose that style! It's just perfect," your brother's soon-to-be wife exclaimed. She was the one who held you tight when your heart broke for the wrong guy, and she was also the one who held you when Yugyeom couldn't. It's safe to say she's the sister you never had.

"Thanks, I'm happy to be here. I'm so excited for you and my brother. I don't know what you see in him but I'm thankful you stuck around."

The bride smiled with tears welling up in her eyes. "You stick around for the one you love, Y/N. Even when the storm hits and everything falls apart, wait it out, then love again."

The wedding venue was everything you imagined it to be. A beautiful pathway to the garden, red and white roses everywhere, and photographs of your brother and his soon-to-be wife hung from the stringed lights wrapped around the tall trees to create the most beautiful ambiance.

Your quick peek of the venue ended since it was almost time for the actual ceremony. You were one of the bridesmaids, and you had to be wherever the bride was.

From afar, a tall figure walked towards the venue in a red suit. His dark hair complemented his outfit, and his handsome face was the cherry on top of it all.

Yugyeom showed up to the wedding a few minutes before it actually started. He took his time exchanging words of happiness and support to your brother. Yugyeom's relationship with your brother started out like any other brother – boyfriend relationship, but the two ended up being very close friends. A few moments before announcing the beginning of the ceremony, Yugyeom found his way to his seat. He sat close to the front, but in the corner.

The ceremony began, and every second felt longer than it should have. Closing your eyes, you took slow, but steady, steps to the podium where your brother was. You both agreed to welcome the bride with your whole family present next to him.

dirty looks from your mother

never seen you in a dress that color, no

it's a special occasion

not invited but I'm glad I made it

He looked at you like it's the first time he's ever laid eyes on you. His heart thumped like crazy, seeing how your hair fell perfectly down the length of your spine, in a red dress that exposed most of your back. Yugyeom couldn't resist every urge to kiss you. Every thought of you possibly breaking up with him completely made the poor boy pale. He was madly in love with you, in every possible way, that losing you meant losing everything to him.

The moment you stood next to your brother, your eyes met his. The eyes you hated to look into, but missed the most. Yugyeom stared at you for a long time, before you both snapped out of the trance only you two were in. You saw him mouth a "wow" before facing the bride and giving her a hug.

Walking to your designated seat, your mind went crazy just imagining how hard it would be to keep your composure when Yugyeom would literally be inches away from you.

"Beautiful," Yugyeom said in awe as you sat next to him. "You're beautiful, Y/N."

Without looking at him, you extended your gratitude. "Thank you, Yugyeom," was all you could say.

You both tried so hard to focus on the wedding. For the most part, it felt like no one else was there. You were in the moment, and so was he.

The exchange of vows was definitely something. Every word your brother and his wife exchanged was pure love. And deep down, you prayed that the love you needed was Yugyeom's.

oh, let me apologize

i'll make up, make up, make up, make up for all those times

your love, I don't wanna lose

i'm begging, begging, begging, begging, I'm begging you

As if on cue, Yugyeom held your hand without looking at you. His hand was shaky, and so was yours, but you didn't pull away. You held onto him, too. You held onto him like your life depended on it, and you held onto the person that longs for you the most.

"I do," your brother speaks into the microphone, looking at his woman. Yugyeom holds your hand even tighter, saying the same words your brother said, loud enough for you to hear it. Only you.

I do.

The bride reciprocates, and tears immediately stream down your face as the rush of emotions take over you.

Not wanting to lose the love of your life ever again, you follow suit, and said the same words the bride said. Only for you and Yugyeom, it meant something else. Only something the two of you could understand.

I do.

You both stood firmly, not letting go of each other, when the officiator finally said the words everyone wanted to hear.

You may now kiss the bride.

Not wasting a precious second, Yugyeom pulled you into a tight embrace, holding your head against his chest. His lips planted kisses at the top of your head, and suddenly everything was right in the world.

The scent of his perfume was home to you, and it made you feel so much better.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so stupid, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry," Yugyeom whispered, still keeping you in his arms.

"I'm sorry, too, Gyeom," you answered, trying hard not to let the tears roll down your cheek and ruin your makeup.

Yugyeom finally kissed you.

He kissed you without stealing the spotlight from the newly weds. He kissed you softly, but it was clear that he longed for it. For you. He kissed you just the way you needed to be kissed, reminding you that he is yours in full surrender.

"I love you, Gyeom."

You finally meet his gaze. The prettiest eyes you've ever seen, and he really was the best thing that's ever happened to you.

"I love you, Y/N. I love you."

Wait it out, then love again.

[sxngshine]

Siren

Request: AU: supernatural au! (surprise me) Trope: unrequited love, Prompt: "Sometimes I sit in bed and wonder what would happen if things were different" [you don't have to do this if you don't like- but I thought it would be fun to submit an entry😅]

Captain!Felix x Sea Creature!Reader

Word count: 3.5k (idk wtf happened lol)

Warnings: Kinda angsty(I suck at angst though so idk if it'll be sad or not 😭), mentions of blood and death.

Description: In which Captain Felix sails a new course unfamiliar in order to return back home, only to enter the territory of someone who’s been eyeing him the moment she sees his ship. 

A/N: I’m not sure if the terms I’m using are correct or if anything I’m talking about concerning manning a ship is correct or not, pls forgive me if it’s incorrect but for the sake of this fic we’re gonna pretend it’s right lmao. Also! Our lovely reader will also be played around with cause she was gonna be a siren but like not a siren if ya catch my drift. I'm not as happy with this as I wish i was but that's Okay.

happy reading!!

“Get up everyone! We got a long day ahead of us,” Felix yelled as he walked out of his cabin. The sun had barely risen but Felix was determined to leave as soon as possible so that they stayed ahead of schedule. 

The crew slowly rose from their hammocks while the rest trudged out of the crew's cabins, all groaning because of how early it was. The quartermaster, Chan walked up to Felix. 

“Morning cap’,” Chan yawned, throwing an arm over Felix’s shoulder. Felix grunted and gave Chan a distasteful look. “No one’s around Hyung, don’t call me cap’.” The shorter blonde pushed Chans' arm off him and walked up to the quarterdeck. All of Felix’s men were to address him as Captain or Sir, but since Felix had known Chan since they were kids, he preferred to be called by his first name when they were alone.

 Most of the crew was already on the main deck, getting themselves ready for the day and eating breakfast. Felix walked up the edge of the deck and let out a loud whistle, catching the attention of all the men.

“Rise and shine everyone! We set sail for Korea in 30 so hustle! We still got crates waiting to be loaded!” Felix instructed and was answered by a loud “Yes sir!!!”. He then called over Minho, the ship's helmsman to discuss the route they were taking. Chan clapped Minho on the back before and messed up Felix's hair (much to Felix's dissatisfaction) before he left to supervise the main deck. 

By the time everything was loaded and ready, the route was set and everyone was working to sail the ship out to sea once again.

“Captain!” I.N yelled from his position in the nest. Felix poked his head out to see who called him, his attention turning to the boy who was sliding down the rope from the nest and running towards him. “There's a storm up ahead! And it looks like a nasty one,” the boy reported. Felix took out his telescope, and just as I.N said, there was a dark grey cloud heading their way. 

There was no way they could go back right now, but it was too risky to try and ride out the storm. Felix walked up to where Minho was steering the ship, looking at the map beside him. “We’ll need to take a detour, are we near any land?” Felix asked, running a hand through his hair. He was positive that the weather wouldn’t be bad for the next few days.

“There should be some land northeast from where we are. But we’ll have to take another route home if we break course right now.” Minho explained and Felix sighed. “Very well,” he turned to Chan who overheard the conversation, giving him the signal. Chan nodded and ordered all the men to get into position, everyone working in sync to turn the ship.

It took a good hour of sailing for them to find land. “LAND AHOY!” I.N yelled from the nest, pointing to where a small island was. Felix was confused, there weren’t any islands on the map where they were. But his confusion turned into relief once they docked the ship. He had been worried for a while, thinking that they broke off the initial course only to not be able to find any land. 

The island looked like it had been untouched, which made Felix suspicious, but he moved it to the back of his head for now. “Listen up men! We’ll stay here for the night till the storm passes. Rest up cause we’ll be leaving first thing in the morning.” Felix called over Chan, Hyunjin, and Changbin, the 3 men walking up to him. 

“You three will come with me, we’re going to see if there’s anyone else around here.” He explained and began to walk into the forest of trees. “MINHO AND JISUNG! You guys are in charge till we’re back.” Felix called, continuing when he heard a faint yes sir. 

The four boys walked deeper into the dense forest, looking for any sign of human life. Suddenly, the four boys stopped when Felix heard a voice. “Did you guys hear that?” he asked, looking around. The other three looked at each other and shook their heads. 

Felix could’ve sworn that he heard a voice, but he figured it was nothing and carried on. Felix was walking in front of the others looking around but in the end, nothing was found. However, they managed to find some fruit and snagged some on the way back. Felix still couldn't stop thinking about that voice he heard. It almost sounded like someone was singing, and Felix couldn't deny that although it was really faint it sounded beautiful, almost like it was calling out to him.

Felix was snapped back into reality when he saw Minho and Jisung holding back one of the crewmates from possibly beating the other that was on the ground into a pulp. Felix sighed, groaning internally.

‘You two had only one job...’ 

Night had fallen over the island and Felix was glad that they decided to take a detour, there was no way they’d be able to survive this storm if they were still at sea. Felix was lying down on his bed wondering where that voice could’ve come from. He didn’t understand why he was so curious, but there was something about what he heard that kept him wanting to check it out. Having had enough, Felix got up and put his coat on, quietly walking out of his cabin into the pouring rain and ran down the ship into the thick forest. 

When Felix was in deep enough, the rain had practically stopped, only coming down in little droplets. Felix took the same route he did just hours ago, but this time instead of a smooth path, Felix found himself walking normally one second and then the ground disappearing beneath him the next.

He went sliding and tumbling down a rocky ground, managing to grab onto a tree root that thankfully stopped him from falling off the ledge he was now dangling off of. Felix quickly pushed himself up and sat down, groaning in pain. Then he suddenly heard the most beautiful voice singing. 

I've been watchin' you for some time

Can't stop starin' at those ocean eyes~

Ignoring the throbbing in his body, Felix stood up and began to make his way down the ledge, blindly following the voice until he was in a large open cave, lit by beautiful shining crystals. 

Burning cities and napalm skies

Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes~

Felix’s head snapped in front of him, eyes widening when he saw what looked to be a woman sitting on a rock that was surrounded by a pool of water. She looked almost ethereal sitting there, combing her luscious dark brown locks that cascading down her back. 

Your ocean eyes~

The woman turned towards Felix, motioning for him to come closer with her long delicate fingers. She had large innocent-looking eyes, a cute little nose, and plump pink lips. By this point, Felix thought he fell in love at first sight. He slowly walked towards her, stopping when his eyes went lower to where her legs should’ve been. Instead, he was met with a green scaly tail. But rather than being scared, he was more curious. The woman looked confused when she saw that Felix stopped. Seconds later, the woman was jumping into the pool, and before Felix could even blink she was floating by his feet.

“Hello there,” Felix greeted the half woman half creature, crouching down to her level. He noticed that the water looked very shallow, but by the way the mermaid looking creature dived into the water, he was positive that wasn’t the case. “What’s your name?” he asked, hoping to get an answer.

The woman stared at him dumbfounded, slightly startled by his deep voice before answering. “Y/n,” 

Felix smiled, glad that he got an answer. “Are you a mermaid?” Y/n snorted when she heard that, shaking her head. “Those stuck-up wannabes don't live around here,” she said, resting her cheek on her hand as she examined the boy before her. “Then what’re you?”

Y/n ignored his question, instead asking him a question. “Shall I sing you a song?” she asked. Felix wanted to ask why she wouldn’t answer him but then he found himself nodding instead. Y/n began singing once again.

I've been walkin' through a world gone blind

Can't stop thinkin' of your diamond mind

Y/n reached for Felix’s hand, which he allowed her to take, too entranced by her voice to care. 

Careful creature made friends with time

Y/n tugged at his hand, lowering his head till their faces were inches apart.

He left her lonely with a diamond mind

She snaked a hand around Felix's neck, pressing her lips against his, kissing the boy softly. Felix instantly reacted, kissing her back. When Y/n was sure he was distracted, she lifted her other hand, fingers turning into sharp claws. Felix deepened the kiss, holding Y/n’s jaw in his hand and sliding his tongue into her mouth. Y/n was glad, this boy was going to be a piece of cake.

She brought her hand down, ready to kill the boy in front of her but what caught her off guard was when Felix grabbed her wrist with his free hand. Y/n froze, but Felix continued to kiss her as if it was nothing. When he pulled away, Y/n stared at him with wide eyes. Felix stared back into her what he now noticed were dull eyes, but he managed to catch a hint of guilt in them.

“Not today sweetheart,” Felix whispered, deep voice slightly raspy. Y/n couldn’t understand why he was able to react so quickly. She’d killed many men within minutes of meeting them, but for some reason, she just couldn't seem to kill Felix.

Chills ran down Y/ns back when she heard the pet name roll off his tongue. She switched to her last resort, gripping onto his neck and pulling him into the deep water. 

Felix struggled to remove her grip from his shoulders, trying his best to remain calm. Y/n stuck her sharp claws into his shoulders, causing the deep blue water to turn a deep red. When she was sure that Felix was dead, a few tears left her eyes. 

And those ocean eyes…

Y/n removed her claws from the now dead body, watching as he came afloat, still and unmoving. A sob left her mouth, more tears falling. It happened every time she killed someone, Y/n would start sobbing like crazy, shaking and afraid. She pulled the body out of the water, laying him onto the ground, and ran her fingers through his blonde hair. He was handsome from what Y/n could tell from behind her tears. The freckles splattered all over his face. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, laying her head on his chest. 

“I don't have anything against you… but if I didn't do this then they’d come and kill you instead. It would’ve been pure torture to be killed by them. This was the only way to save you.” Y/n said, propping her head up using her elbow, she traced the boy's lips. “It’s a shame I never got your name. I bet it would’ve been pretty like you,” she whispered, leaning down to press one final kiss to the boys' lips before she discarded the body. What she didn’t expect though, was for the boy to kiss her back.

She pulled away and shrieked, moving as far away as she could from the body. “Y'know, it’s not nice to kiss someone the way you did and then try to kill them.” Felix rasped, turning to the side so he could cough up some water. Y/n's eyes filled with tears and she covered her mouth. “H-how’re you still alive? You just d-died,” she stuttered.

“You must’ve killed most people the first time only, cause the third time really wasn’t the charm.” Felix chuckled. Y/n stayed silent, shocked because how could he be laughing and acting like she didn't just almost kill him. “Nonononono you’re supposed to be dead. They’ll sniff you out and it’ll be the end of the both of us why didn't you just die-” y/n mumbled and began to shake.

Felix noticed her shock, sitting up and scooting closer to her. Y/n’s mumbles seized when he pulled her into a hug, whispering sweet nothings and reassurances about how he’ll protect them both. 

Felix pulled away and placed a finger under her chin, forcing her to look up at him. “Hear me out..” he said quietly. Other than the dull burn all over his body, Felix's chest had tightened the moment he heard the cries of the creature in front of him and it warmed when he heard her laugh. Not to mention the flutter and increase of his heart rate when they kissed. 

“I love you,” Y/n stared at the boy in front of her like he was crazy. “I know for a fact what love is, and what it’s like to be in love. I can tell you 100% what I feel for you right now is love,” Felix tried to convince her. 

Y/n scoffed, pushing the boy off her, but he wasn't through yet. “You’re out of your mind.” 

“I am, but that's not the point here.” Felix countered, holding tightly onto her hand. “Please just give me a chance-” he tried to say but he was cut off.

 “STOP! Do you hear yourself?? I don’t even know your name-” Y/n said but then was also cut off. “It’s Felix,” he answered.

“Well FELIX, you’re clearly out of your mind. Look at me, I’m a goddamn monster. I’m not capable of feeling love or being loved.” 

“Yes, you are! I know you love me too! I heard you crying and everything you said before you kissed me again. I know you didn't want to and you did it with good intentions. Please Y/n, we both love each other we-” 

“FELIX! You know nothing. I don't love you and you don't love me either. I didn't say anything after drowning you and I kiss all my victims after they die. It’s my goodbye to them and then I throw their bodies away. You were no different.” Y/n was about done with Felix, why couldn’t he get the message? 

“I know I was, cause if you didn’t have any feelings towards me then you would’ve killed me by now. I’d be long gone yet here I am. I don't care about whoever you said is trying to kill me, I can protect myself and I’ll protect you too. I promi-” Y/n gasped, covering her mouth as she sat frozen in place.

“You heard that? Nononono this just makes everything worse they-” Y/n tried to say but then her eyes began to glow a bright blue and her brown hair was now as deep blue as the water sitting beside them. 

Felix stared and her frozen position, about to shake her out of worry but then she was back to normal right after. 

“They’re coming.” was all she said. Felix saw the change of y/ns mood. She looked like she had given up. Her eyes were duller than before if that was even possible. Her shoulders were slumped. She looked Felix in the eyes and he froze, she looked like she was dead inside. 

 “Who’s coming back-” Felix would’ve finished his sentence if it wasn’t for the big rock y/n threw straight at his head, knocking him out. Felix’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell to his side, staring at Y/n as black spots began to take over his line of sight. “Please... Y/...n.” and with that Felix was out like a light. 

“He’s waking up!” “Get more water and ice!” 

Felix heard faint voices yell. He opened his eyes slowly only to be met by the concerned face of none other than Chan. 

‘Wait… Chan??’

Felix suddenly shot up, looking around. He was in his cabin, Chan, and Minho sitting by the side of his bed. “Nononono where’s Y/n?!” He asked frantically, trying to get out of bed but Chan stopped him. 

“Woah there bud, take it easy. Who’s Y/n?” Chan asked calmly. 

“What happened? How did I get here?” Felix screamed, tears forming in his eyes. 

“When we woke up you weren’t in your room so we assumed you went out, but then we saw you lying face down in the water and you were all bruised and beaten looking. So here you are now.” Minho explained. “Now don't you think we deserve to know what the hell happened to you? You’re the most skilled person out of all the men we have, so how the hell did you end up like this?”

Felix opened his mouth to explain but then he felt a sudden rocking underneath him. “Did we start sailing again?” he asked, feeling a sudden panic arise in him. Chan nodded and pointed outside. “We set sail just a few minutes ago.”

Felix used all his might to push Chan and Minho out of the way and ran out of his cabin, rushing up to the quarterdeck and crying out when he saw the island was growing smaller by the minute. 

He stared dejectedly at the island which was now just a dot in the distance. Felix saw something move in the distance and when he squinted he saw the luscious Brown locks he could never forget. “Y/n? Y/N!!!!” He yelled. She smiled sadly at him and waved, then 6 other creatures emerged and no matter how much she tried to fight them off, they had pulled her under.

“Y/N NOOOOO!” Felix cried, falling to his knees. It didn't matter to him that he fell in love with someone at first sight; what did matter though, was that the person who managed to take his heart in one night also managed to crush it not even a few hours later. 

3 years later. 

Felix and his crew had set sail once again for another voyage. This time setting course for the United States. Night had fallen once again but Felix wasn’t sleeping. He sat where he did every day for the past 3 years during the night at the very back of the ship where he last saw Y/n, hoping that he’d see her again someday. Even to this day, he waited and waited. 

“You waiting for her again?” A voice asked from behind him. Felix nodded at the Aussie who threw an arm around his best friend. 

“Y'know, I don't know if I ever told you this but, Sometimes I sit in bed and wonder what would happen if things were different. What if she was human? Or whoever tried to kill her didn't exist. What if I was like her? We could’ve been together if that was the case,” Feliz sighed, running a hand through his hair. Even to this day, he still remembered how heavenly her hand felt running through his hair, how soft her lips felt against his, how cold yet comforting her skin was. 

“Maybe in another life, you two will end up together.” Chan comforted his friend. 

“Maybe...” Felix agreed.

600 years later

“Felix hurry up! We’re gonna be late again!!” Chan yelled from the kitchen. Felix practically flew downstairs on one foot as he attempted to put a shoe on the other. “Let's go! We have 10 more minutes!” 

Both boys rushed to Chan's car and drove to their university in record time. They ran as fast as they could and were halfway to class when Felix realized he left his book in Chan's car.

“Chan, I left my textbook in your car!” Felix groaned. Chan smacked him upside the head and threw him his keys, running to class while thinking of good ways to distract their professor. 

Felix ran back to Chan's car and grabbed his textbook. When he was running back towards the building, he being the idiot he is, ran into someone and fell back onto his butt. The person in front of him held their hand out which he gladly took. He stood up and finally looked at the person he bumped into. She was really pretty, with large innocent looking eyes, a cute little nose, and plump pink lips. But there was something about her eyes that was really dull like they had lost the light in them. “You okay?” she asked. 

Something about her voice sounded so alluring to Felix but he couldn’t pin why. “Oh-UH yes! Yea I’m okay, sorry for bumping into you,” Felix apologized. “It’s fine,” the brunette said before turning and walking towards the building. Felix followed her and decided to introduce himself. 

“My name’s Felix, What's yours?”

“Y/n,”

Fin.

[s1ut4harrypotter]

savior complex

George Weasley x Fem!reader

this is based on savior complex by phoebe bridgers, my favorite song. it’s not my best work or anything but i sorta liked writing it. I haven’t been able to figure out endings on any of my wip’s so i might put a bunch of stuff out this week but idk. yet another without a happy ending because as usual i’m a piece of shit.

Warnings: sad, angst, mentions of canon character death, not proofread. If there’s anything wrong with it let me know lolz

word count: 2.5k

lyrics in italics/bold

tags: @amourtentiaa

Emotional affair, overly sincere

It’s been almost a year and a half since Fred died. George seems to be getting better, but also more distant. He is happy and joking around again, but he has been going to see Angelina more often. You and George had been dating since your 6th year at Hogwarts, you were going to be together forever. But now, as the days go by, he is getting farther and farther away from you. 

Smoking in the car, windows up. Crocodile tears

You were there for George, through everything. You didn’t shy away from any of it, the nightmares, the rage, the sadness, you were there. You helped him, he had started smoking, you’d find him in his dad's old Ford Anglia, smoking a cigarette, sobbing. you got in, rolled up the windows, took the cigarette, and took him on a drive.

Run the tap til its clear

 We pulled up to a small cliff we used to hang out at during the summer and held him while he cried. We had talked for the whole night, we only left when the sun started to come up. 

Drift off on the floor

You tried to keep him involved with the rest of the world, so you started having monthly movie nights with the rest of his siblings. One night a month, everyone would go to one person’s flat and watch a movie or two. One month, it was your turn to have everyone at your flat, the two of you lived alone in the flat now, since Fred was gone. George hadn’t been sleeping well and ended up falling asleep halfway through the movie. Once everyone was gone, you cleaned up and decided not to wake him. 

I drag you to the shore

Just as you were about to walk into your bedroom, you heard him. George had been having nightmares since Fred died. Some nights you’d make him a potion for dreamless sleep, but tonight the two of you forgot. You sighed and walked back to the living room,

You’re gonna drown in your sleep, for sure

“Georgie” you whispered. “Georgie it’s me, y/n you gotta wake up darling.” he was sweating buckets and breathing heavily. You gently coaxed him awake and walked him back to your bedroom, he started to cry. “I’m so sorry darling” you cooed, as you stroked his hair, trying to get him to fall back asleep.

Wake up and start a big fire, in our one room apartment

He wouldn’t stop crying now, he was hiccuping and mumbling incoherent things into your chest. You were so tired, you were the only one with a job at this point, not that minded, you had just had a long day and needed to go to sleep. 

But i’m too tired, to have a pissing contest.

“George, darling, you need to breathe, take deep breaths, you’re going to throw up if you don’t calm down Georgie.” he had a bad habit of crying until he threw up, then passing out and falling asleep. 

“He’s gone. It’s my fault. I should’ve been there. It should’ve been me.” He hiccupped out, crying harder now. You were on the verge of tears too, you hated how sad he was. 

“No George. You can’t think like that, it wasn’t your fault. Fred wouldn’t want you to feel this way.” you spoke softly into his ear. 

“Don’t tell me what he would’ve wanted y/n” he suddenly got serious. “You didn’t know him like I did.”

“Of course I didn’t know him like you did George, but I like to think that I knew him pretty well, and I don’t think he was the kind of person to want you wallowing in your bed, wishing it had been you instead of him.”

“God y/n can you just go? Please? I want to be alone tonight.” he said, you scoffed. He couldn’t be serious, but you were tired and you didn’t want to upset him more. You slept on the couch that night.

All the bad dreams that you hide.

You were grieving too, you had met Fred first at Hogwarts, then he introduced you to George. You felt like you had been really good friends with Fred, so it really hurt when George said things like that, but you knew he didn’t really mean it. Sometimes he just said things like that when he was upset, you understood, he was hurting. Sometimes he wouldn’t tell you about his dreams, he would just change the subject whenever you asked, you had dreams about Fred’s death sometimes too. You were with him and Percy when it happened, you’d constantly beat yourself up for it, all the things you could have done differently to save George from this pain, but what’s done is done. 

Show me yours and i’ll show you mine

You wished that George would tell you what was going on with him. He had been going through different stages over the past year, at first he didn’t talk at all. You’d walk by his room at night and he’d be mumbling things to himself, never anything you could make out. Then he started telling you how he was feeling, anything and everything that he felt, he’d tell you. You liked it then, even if he was sad and there wasn’t much you could do about it, at least you could be sad together. Now he didn’t tell you anything, he just brushed you off.

Call me when you land, i’ll drive around again.

You loved him so much, there wasn’t much he could do that you wouldn’t take. You were willing to wait for him to get better. You knew he was hurting, you knew it would take time for him to get back to the ‘old George’, if there was even any of him left. You’d never say it out loud, but you knew everyone else was thinking it. When Fred died, he took a big piece of George with him. It brought you so much heartache that he was in pain. You wished you could just bring Fred back, then maybe you could get your George back. But you were willing to wait.

One hand on the wheel, one in your mouth. Turn me on, and turn me down.

You and him hadn’t been intimate in months, you knew George was hurt, and he would only ever think about it on his good days, which were now few and far between. But it was ok, you were willing to wait for him. You loved him. 

Baby you’re a vampire, you want blood and I promised. I’m a bad liar.

Lately you felt as though you never saw the happy side of George. He’d go out during the day, to meet friends from school he said. He’d never say who it was if you asked, but you figured it was just Lee Jordan or someone else he had been close friends with. He was physically and emotionally exhausted when he got home. It was like he used up any energy he had to be happy wherever he was during the day, then when he got home, you were left to pick up the pieces when he shattered.

With a savior complex

You were beginning to get burned out. You had finally gotten some time for yourself to meet up with some friends, and they suggested you break up with George. You simply couldn’t do that. It may be slightly exhausting to keep up with him, but you knew the old George was still in there. They kept telling you it seemed like you had a savior complex, and that George was a lost cause. Deep down, you knew you were probably the only one still holding on to the relationship, but you still loved him so much. You wouldn’t know what to do without him, even if you knew it was practically already over.

George had been getting further and further away, figuratively and literally. He was almost never home, and when he was, he was back to barely talking, occasionally giving you one or two word answers. You’d ask him how his day was and he’d reply with just “good” not even bothering to ask about your day. 

You were fed up with how things were, you wanted to know if at least he was back to his joking self around his friends. You knew it was wrong, but you followed him one day. Turns out he had just been going to the Leaky Cauldron, at first you were worried he just spent the day drinking. But, you waited a few minutes and went in, only to see him kiss Angelina Johnson on the cheek. 

Ok, maybe they were just catching up, they were good friends at school, you knew that. But the longer you watched, the more you realized you weren’t watching two friends catching up. You were watching your boyfriend, the man you had spent the last 5 years of your life with, with another girl. Deep down, you knew your relationship was over, it had been for months, you were just dragging it out because you didn’t want it to end yet. But you didn’t want it to end like this. 

You wanted to scream, cry, hit him, do something. You had thrown away the last year of your life, devoting yourself to helping George feel better. You spent long nights rubbing his back, whispering comforting things in his ears as he cried into your chest. YOU did that, not her. How could he do this to you? After everything you’ve been through together, everything you had done for him. He threw it all away. 

You were distraught. You were thinking irrationally, sending yourself into a spiral. You called in sick for work and walked back to your flat in a daze. You needed to think about this. For a few minutes, you contemplated obliviating yourself, maybe if you just forgot you saw it, went about your relationship as it was before this morning, it’d be ok. But you knew that wasn’t the right thing to do. So you did the only other thing you thought you could do, you conjured some boxes and started packing. 

You spent the day packing every last trace of your belongings, you called one of your friends and told her something happened with George. You didn’t give her any specifics because the optimistic, or stupid, side of you was holding on to hope that you were overreacting, maybe you saw wrong. Maybe, this was a big huge misunderstanding and you could unpack your stuff with George when he got home and live happily ever after. But you knew that wasn’t the case, so you told her you’d tell her when you got there. You finished packing the last of your stuff a few minutes before George got home, it was later than usual. You didn’t want to face him, you thought about leaving him a letter, telling him you saw what he did and not to contact you ever again. But you needed to hear it from him.

He walked in and saw the boxes, confused he walked into the living room and saw you sitting on the couch, just staring off into the distance. 

“Y/n darling? Are you alright.” he asked, confused.

“No Georgie, but I will be.” you whispered back, sadly.

“What’s with all the boxes? What happened?” he asked again. It was like you were a ghost, or someone else. You were there but not really, he could see you’d been crying. 

“What did I do wrong Georgie? What could I have done differently?” you asked, you could feel the tears starting again.

“Darling I don’t know what you’re talking about, did something happen at work?” he said, he was worried maybe you got fired.

You scoffed. “No George, nothing happened at work. I have been so worried about you lately, you seemed to be getting worse and worse. Coming home from god knows where, in a mess of tears. Just coming home for me to clean up, then going out again the next day.”

When he didn’t reply you continued, “I have spent the last 5 years of my life with you George. Completely devoted to you, through everything I supported you.” you laughed bitterly, “I spent all day packing today, trying desperately to figure out where I went wrong. What I did to you, what I could’ve done differently, to make you love me enough. But it wasn’t me was it?” 

“What are you talking about dear? Why were you packing.” he replied.

“God George you’re just not seeing it are you?” You looked at him, bewildered. “I saw you. You and Angelina.”

“Oh” he whispered.

“OH! THATS ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY GEORGE? OH?” You shouted, he could feel himself starting to cry now too. 

“I have spent so much of my time cleaning up after you, taking care of you, loving you. I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid. I should’ve known. When you started going out more, I told myself, maybe you were just out with friends, when you came home after a long day with Angelina, using up any happiness that you did have with her, who was there to pick up the pieces? ME!” you yelled. 

“I just can't do it anymore George. We’ve been over for a long time, and I need to let you go now.” you trailed off, the last part coming out in a mix between a whimper and a whisper.

“No, darling please let's talk about this!” he begged.

“What is there to talk about George? I saw you, with my own two eyes.” you replied.

“Please baby it was a mistake. I love you so much, please please don’t leave me.” he was begging you, he needed you.

“I can’t George. I’ve spent so much time caring for you, I need time to care for me. I need to get better too. I just can’t do this anymore, there won’t be anything left of me if I keep giving it all to you.”

He broke down next to you, crying. You stood up, ready to disapparate with your things, but he ran up to you and hugged you.

“Please don’t leave me y/n. I’m so sorry! It was a mistake I love you so much.”

“You need to let me go Georgie, I'm sorry. I need to go.” you whispered, calmly removing his arms from their tight hold around your waist.

You whispered a quiet, final goodbye, before disapparating from his flat and to your friends home, you both needed to move on.

[highstwildflower]

Still into you

A/n: idk where this idea came from but all of a sudden it was inspired by still into you by paramore - also proposal warning and fluff😂

The cool wood met your feet as you walked around your home, tidying up the dirty house that was a result of a stressful period. Both you and Luke getting lost in the whirlwind of life, in between work, social gatherings and responsibilities there hasn’t been a lot of time for neither your relationship nor taking care of the home you had build together.

The slow Saturday morning that had met your eyes as you woke up next to Luke for the first time in weeks had set your domestic inspiration on fire. The counters were cleaner than ever before, the floor shined like a million stars and no clutter were to be spotted. As your home came together your mind wandered off. Luke was hidden somewhere in the house desperately trying to finish the latest track so he could spend some time with you. He knew the last couple of weeks had been hard on each of you and possibly even harder on your relationship, he wanted to make it up to you and take you out, somehow work still took up some of his day, much more than he had expected.

Around 5 pm you stared at your phone, you had waited for Luke to walk out of his office. Closing the door behind him and diving into mending your relationship, instead you had been left to yourself once again. Annoyed you made your way to the kitchen, getting ready to make dinner for the two of you. The slight anger you had felt started to fade away as you heard the loud muffling and grunts of frustration conning from your boyfriend. You were so proud of him and everything he had accomplished, sometimes it was hard to remember that he didn't ignore your existence on purposes, he was just really stressed and pressed. As you remembered this you felt happy that you were allowed to be there for him. Even on the lowest nights you were still into him.

Placing dinner down you shuffled your music before heading off to his office. Politely you knocked on the door before cracking it open, he looked over his shoulder before turning all the way around. A smile was on his face as he saw you standing there "hi baby" his voice was soft and all frustration was left somewhere else "hi Lu, dinner is ready." His tall body stood and he took you into a hug, hasty lips pressing a kiss to the top of you head. Dinner was eaten with a genuine conversation flowing between the two of you, almost as if time has stood still. Every time your eyes look into his while he was laughing you heart skipped a beat and the rest of the world became irrelevant.

Hours later you were in bed, head resting against Luke for what felt like the first time in years. Butterflies erupted as he leaned closer and whisper "I love you, my pretty girl" the smile that took over your features made your cheeks hurt, content your lurked back "and I love you."

You both laid there in silence until Luke tucked you further into his side "I wondered, do you have time to give me your whole day tomorrow" peaking your interest you lifted your head and faced him, eyes searching for his. With a confused look you nodded slightly hesitant.

You were awoken by his lips kissing all over your body, hands cupping every curve as if he had forgotten the body he has roamed for so many years. A strained moan slipped from your lips "Good. Morning. Baby" each word was punctuated with a kiss, you giggles before slinging an arm around him, forcing his lips to meet yours "morning handsome." He took his sweet time allowing your both to wake up in a gentle way. After getting ready he took you out for breakfast, the car ride was filled with your favorite songs, and on the way to your second location he played Our Song by Taylor Swift, and he loved how you got so into it. The out of pitch voice that belonged to you made his heart sing, and your little dance that went with the song made him beam with pride of calling you his.

Arriving at the second location, it finally made sense to you why he had told you to wear athletic clothes. You were at the spot where you had had your first date together. A nice tracking trail that led you around a lake, where you both enjoyed to take a nice cooling dip. Today was no different, as you reached the usual spot you raced each other, Luke being the first to reach the water with his long leg. He disappeared into the water and you followed closely. A high pitched sound left your lips as he sneaked closer to you, tossing you into the deep blue. Ready with perked lips as you emerged from the water. The day was filled with love and laughter, everything you needed. Hands were intertwined as your reached the car, he opened the door for you and gave you a kiss before driving you home.

A few hours later you were ready to leave the house again, this time dressed fancier as Luke had asked you to do. He took you to a rooftop restaurant, no one was there but the two of you. Luke was romantic but never like this, and you appreciated that he put in the work. Through dinner laughters was shared and deeper thoughts, wishes and dreams and future hopes were tossed across the table. Leaving you both with butterflies catching on fire. You melted as he looked as you, his icy blue eyes so warm that they burned with love. As dinner was finished he took you for a walk at the beach. You loved the beach. Hand in hand as you shared life, the small gesture making your both feel better. The loud crashing sound of the waves reminded you of how strong your relationship is, as you had overcome all the doubt of the world.  Your walk came to a halt as you reached Luke's destination, in front of you were a scene straight out of a movie. Blankets scattered on the sand, fairy lights lighting up the dim scene. Luke pulled you onto the blankets, hands resting on your hip as you stood face to face. The lukewarm air suddenly was filled with the tones of your song "still into you". Luke sang the song while holding you close, your arms wrapped around his neck. Tears evident in your eyes, and his as well.

The song came to an end and Luke kneeled in front of you, a gasp left your lips before your hands were clasped over it. Luke chuckled and took a shaky breath " wow can't believe I'm doing this" he laughed again and you joined in "me neither" your eyes met before he continued " baby, we've been together for years, and it’s real life so there has been ups and downs, but even on the worst nights I'm still into you. Even when we are screaming at each other with tears and snot running down our faces I'm into you. There is nothing that could take me away from you. You are my sun and my moon. Everything in one person. My happiness and my future. So dear y/f/n would you do me the honor of marrying me?" You were full on sobbing at this point, hands shaking and knees weak. You recalled the talk you had with your mother after the first date "he is the one mom" and the first time you met his mom and accidentally heard him say "she is the one mom" and now here you were, he was on his knee, and you were ready to scream yes from the top of your lungs. "Yes, god yes Luke" relief flashed on his beautiful face before he pulled you into a kiss that meant so much more than any words ever could. The beautiful ring was slipped onto your finger and just like that you were tied together forever.

[hoekaashi]

3 am Talks - hq pt 3

a/n: almost done, two more left!! i’m not sure why, but these ones were really fun for me to do and i had to cut myself off before i wrote whole fics for each one. also thank you to my wifey for helping me with akaashi, idk why his was so hard for me to do ): pairings: bokuto x reader, akaashi x reader, ushijima x reader, tendou x reader, semi x reader warnings: some spoilers for post timeskip, minor cussing, a bit suggestive (ushi) taglist: @babydabi​, @suckersuki​, @bakugoustanaccount​, @animoozies​ part 2 | part 4

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

⇾ definitely someone who talks about the first things that just pop into his mind ⇾ would literally change topics in the middle of his sentence ⇾ “did you see my last spread, I was centerfold Tsum-Tsum was not happy but when I offered to trade places with him, it made him even more mad - I just got an email saying my new knee pads have been shipped YES - babe are you hungry? Let’s go to the convenience store and get some snacks” ⇾ all over the place ⇾ but the second sleep starts to hit him, he become even softer than he already is ⇾ this baby would def be asking for validation without outright asking for it - we all know he lives to be praised but as he gets older, he stops asking for it directly ⇾ i feel like he just becomes more self-conscious after he realizes that being on a national team means that now the entire WORLD is scrutinizing him ⇾ i could keep going on about him imma stop

“I couldn’t help it, I started laughing.” Even hours later, Bokuto was trying to hold in laughter from the memory of the event. “I think that’s why he’s mad at you Kou.” Bokuto pouted. “I offered to help him up.” “Yeah, but you were also red from laughing so hard and wiping the tears from your eyes. I don’t think he appreciated that.” Bokuto got quiet and you knew what that meant. “But at the end of the day, the pictures came out amazing. You look amazing.” His smile, although soft compared to his usual grin, came back. “You think so?” You hummed. “If volleyball doesn’t work out, you could be a model. I already know one of my friends has a shrine dedicated to you. Which honestly feels weird, but hey, if it’s harmless why should I care?” you said, going off on a tangent. Bokuto brushed off the compliment that normally would’ve stroked his ego. “Nah, I don’t think I could handle the pressure.” You cocked an eyebrow. “People constantly judging you and criticizing you. You know me, I thrive with praise and…” “Become emo with criticism?” He let out a dry chuckle. “Yeah. I’m trying to change.” You reached over and caressed his cheek. “There’s a difference between growing up and mellowing out and changing who you are. You’ve done the growing up part and you’re slowly mellowing out as much as you can. But please don’t change.” “But people keep saying -” “Forget what they say. I love you the way you are now.” Bokuto’s full grin returned to his face. “I love you more.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ more of a listener he learned his ways from babysitting bo ⇾ he would just enjoy listening to whatever you had on your mind ⇾ one to add his own commentary and thoughts to whatever you were saying ⇾ if he were to talk though, he would reminisce  ⇾ talks of bokuto and his old team, things he misses ⇾ but speaking of bokuto, he would go off on how proud he is seeing his former ace doing so well for himself now - even if he still isn’t a normal player ⇾ depending on how open he’s feeling, he might even wander into his insecurities and childhood, things he doesn’t really open up about unless he feels really close to you

“And then I booked it out of there,” you finished your story. Akaashi hummed. “What about the other girl who was still working?” “Look, she never sticks around to help me when I have extra work, I wasn’t going to stick around to help her.” He cracked a smile at your pettiness. “Wait, didn’t you have lunch with Bokuto today?” “Yes. It was nice.” You waited a moment thinking that Akaashi would add more. “That’s it? It was nice?” “Well, you know how he is. But it was nice to see him trying to change himself. Well, improve himself.” You rolled over from your back onto his chest and reached up to play with his hair. “We talked a lot about playing during high school and what the others are doing these days. Everyone is so busy now, it’s hard to keep up. I’m proud of them.” You didn’t let the smile on Akaashi’s face go unnoticed, commenting on how it always seemed to be there whenever he talked about his former ace. “Leave me alone, I’m happy with how far he’s come on his own. I can’t but smile when I think about the people I love.” “Do you smile when you think about me?” “Of course I do, you idiot,” he replied before kissing your forehead.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ i very strongly believe he would talk about parallel universes ⇾ he would go into the existence of them but also like ‘what if there was a way for people in a parallel universe who could watch me as if my life was a movie’ ⇾ if he was in a more serious mood, like if he had a big match coming up or sum, he would talk more about his goals ⇾ the things he hopes to accomplish in the future, the outcomes he wants in life ⇾ if he was tired, it would be more like akaashi - more listening, less talking ⇾ i feel like he would always want to know what’s happening in your mind so he would ask you the most random questions or just want to listen to you talk as he drifts off to sleep

“Do you think they saw me when I tripped over Leo and dropped the dishes?” You remembered when he tripped over the cat the two of you were raising and ended up breaking a few plates. As annoyed as you were that the plates you like broke, it gave you a reason to go domestic shopping with your boyfriend. You sighed. “No Toshi. If they were watching you, it would be when you’re playing volleyball or taking a shower.” “But you’re in the shower with me sometimes. You think they saw what we were doing?” “If they did,” you started with your eyebrows raised, “I hope they enjoy it as much I do.” He chuckled. “Why when I’m playing volleyball?” “Because that’s your job now. What else would they watch you do? Play with Leo?” He didn’t reply as he looked down to the cat in his lap. Petting it, the two of you sat in silence for a while. You finally thought he dropped the topic as you started to drift to sleep. “I wonder if the people watching like me. Or what if they think I’m the villain?” You sat up in bed. “Why would you think you would be a villain in a show about volleyball?” “I don’t know. I could be a side character that no one likes.” His voice got quieter the more he talked. “Aw, Toshi. I’m sure you have many, many fans in this parallel universe who all wish to be dating you. You never intentionally hurt anyone. You tried, in your own way, to work with Oikawa, but it’s not like you sabotaged him or anything.” He nodded. “He should’ve come to Shiratorizawa. We could’ve been that impressive first year duo instead of Hinata and Kageyama.” You rubbed his shoulder. “I know, baby. You remind me of that at least once a month.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ he would get deep ⇾ talks about his childhood where he was bullied to where he is now ⇾ while he has his insecurities, he would still be very proud of himself and how far he’s come and everything he accomplished ⇾ on the topic of being proud, he would never pass up the opportunity to talk up his bff ushi and he would hype him up even though it’s just the two of you ⇾ he wouldn’t forget about the other third years aka his other ‘best friends’ (i use quotes bc he only has eyes for ushi lezbehonest) ⇾ the talk would shift over to you and how lucky he feels to have found you ⇾ half of the things he would say would just to get you all embarrassed and shy so he could tease you about it

You woke up an hour ago because when you went to snuggle with your boyfriend, his body was missing from bed. For the last hour, he talked to you about how much he’s grown over the years, not once stopping to let you say anything. You finally had enough of this monologue. “Satori, how much more can you possibly say? It’s been a whole ass hour. Get your ass to bed so I can snuggle with you and lemme sleep.” Sighing, he walked away from the window where he was using the light from the moon to set the mood of his speech. Getting into bed, he waited until you were satisfied and closed your eyes. “But also, Wakatoshi has gotten so far on his own. I couldn’t be more proud of my best friend.” “Satori, please. For the love of God.” “Babe, you gotta let me air this out. Good communication and all that.” “We don’t have a single problem that needs to be ‘aired out’ right now. I got work in the morning and you like the sound of your own voice.” That still didn’t stop him. “And Semi, I gotta hand it to him, the man finally learned how to dress properly. And his music isn’t that bad either so I gotta find something new to annoy him with now. Reon is still keeping his fighting spirit alive and playing volleyball too. My friends, all doing so well.” Tendou glanced down at you who had fallen asleep to his heart beats. “But you. I’m the most proud of you. I’m so lucky to have found you. Not that I needed someone in my life at the time, but all the happiness you’ve given me on top of the great things in my life. You’re an amazing person, and I appreciate the impact you’ve made in my life.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ before we start with semisemi, he plays bass and sings in his band but he also plays the piano and guitar (these are MY OWN hcs, none of this is canon) ⇾ that being said, he would stay up late at night playing his guitar, working on songs and quietly singing lyrics to himself ⇾ his talks would be about purpose - like why he’s on this earth similar to hinata ⇾ aha ha ha so if yall read kuroo’s, you know how i feel about scorpios ⇾ semi babe is not safe from that either ⇾ while he is bad at opening up, he also has a short temper so expect apologies for his random outbursts from him ⇾ imma touch on this more in my semi relationship hcs so i shall stop here

You had been on your computer, finishing up some work of yours that you had been procrastinating on with Semi sitting on the couch, strumming his guitar as he worked on a new song. You hadn’t been paying attention the entire time, not until you closed your laptop and sat back in your chair. “Eita, what’s that song?” Your sudden question caused him to jump a little. “Oh, uh, I didn’t realize you were listening.” “I just heard you singing. What is that?” He rubbed the nape of his neck. “I was hoping to hold out until it was finished.” You walked over to him, draping your arms around his shoulders and leaning your weight on him. You read the lyrics he had so far, your eyes growing bigger with each line. “What… is this?” “An apology.” You pulled away from him. “I know I’m not the easiest boyfriend and that when I have a problem, I should say something rather than exploding on you over the littlest thing. I didn’t really know how else to express this without messing it all up.” “I’ve known you for a long time, I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t figure that much out.” “But still, it doesn’t mean that I should just stay this way. I should be growing with you as a person, not stuck how I am. I really do need to learn to express myself better.” You let out a small chuckle. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.” You had. Four times already. “And this will be the last. Thank you for putting up with me.” Your arms wrapped around him once again. “Next time, I expect an entire album with love songs dedicated to me. Got it?” “Well fuck, I better not mess up. I don’t have enough material for an entire love album.” You shoved him. “Hey! Maybe I will leave your sorry ass.” “I’m just kidding! Babe! Where are you going?!”