#and idk how it’ll affect me in the long run but I don’t plan on letting it deter my passion or motivation

[shiningstarr15]

Christ on a bike I have soo many drawings to do in just a few days 😅 I have two more days planned for Gregtober, something Halloween themed for 3 star fam, as well as for doublestar duo, and something else I wanted to make that’s a bit more horror oriented. I have my work cut out for me lol

Also happy one year anniversary to the FNAF movie!

[bunnyyamor]

[ OCTOBER 14TH ] VILLAIN! IZUKU MIDORIYA x fem! reader

synopsis; the villain of the city, deku, has just kidnapped you, a normal citizen. he is wanting to make you his. wk; 3k

warnings; mdni, smut 18+, heavy smut, dark content, humiliation, non-con, spanking, paddle play, chocking, fingering (anal), creampie, unprotected sex, degradation, nicknames, bondage, violence, overstimulation, sub/dom dynamic, edging, bdsm, kidnapping, blackmail, power dynamics, anal play, orgasm denial, beta read!

notes; i had posted this on the 13th but for some reason tumblr wont put this on the tags idk why.

-nav : kinktober m.list : kinktober taglist

evil was on the rise. many villains roamed the cities, practicing evil. conquering so much, affecting so many people's lives. 

that was currently you. it was a muggy, rainy morning. you were off to work your shift at the cafe being a barista. you longed for the smell of roasting coffee beans and now that you thought of it, who knows if you were to smell that ever again. 

“shit,” you cried as you held your phone up to your ear. the name displayed was ‘mom’. “pick up, pick up.” you repeatedly called her. your converses met with the concrete as you zigzagged between dumpsters and items discarded in the alley ways. the snapping of your head turning back as you tried to see if someone was after you. 

you felt his presence. his touch. someone was out to get you.

the breath in your voice was coming out more strained as you tried to keep the pace in your sprinting. it was burning your throat. your legs were becoming tired and weak. 

“please, this can’t be the end.” a tear fell down your face. 

suddenly, you were met with a dead end, a brick wall. “no!’ you slapped, punched the brick, not caring that your knuckles were bleeding. 

“i am not rich! here, take my money.”

a dark chuckle echoed in the alley way, “i don’t want that, idiot.”

you fell to your knees. head hiding between your hands as you sobbed, “then what do you want? i don’t have much.”

“for someone so irresistible, you are utterly stupid. it’s not material, it’s a game. it’s the chase. the way your heart is pounding from the running and the fear. it’s the excitement and thrill. the adrenaline pumping through my veins. y/n l/n-”

“how do you know my name?”

he continued without answering your question, “i plan to kill you. i plan to make you the front page of the news. girl dies because of the most wicked villain ever…deku.”

a dark shadow appeared in front of you. in a flash you were hit in the face, knocking you out cold into a black abyss. the single flow of tear falling down your cheek. 

you woke up, startled. thinking everything was a nightmare. but the tug of your wrists in handcuffs connected to the chair was enough evidence to show you, this wasn’t no dream. 

“help! help!” you screamed at the top of your lungs. you didn’t want to die. not like this. “please someone save me!”

“quiet already, god you’ve been nagging all this time! nag, nag, nag! when are you gonna shut up?” the voice exclaimed again. you saw his shadow, the dark outline of his body in the shadows.

“d-deku was it. is that your name.”

“being all sweet will not help you out in this situation. besides, you don’t know who i am?”

you were flustered, should you know. 

annoyed and impatient with waiting for your answer, deku walked into the light. his body towered over yours. the side’s of his head were shaved and it was green. he wore an all black outfit, each muscle making an outline in the suit. he had some dry blood splattered across his face, perhaps from you when he attacked you. “is this better now?” he clenched his jaw in arrogance. 

you took a good look at him. why did he want you?

“why don’t you take a picture? it’ll last longer. oh yeah, that’s right,” deku appeared in front of you at the speed of light. he threw his hands in the air and smacked them on the arm rests, “because you can’t move your arms. or your legs.” he tsked. “pity, i would have loved to see that ass jiggle as you walked. well, i kinda did. i saw you run. damn you run fast too. i mean, not as fast as me,” deku smirked as he sniffed the side of your hair. he hummed, “your perfume mixed with your sweat is enough to dry a man crazy. that were, if i were a man. sometimes i feel i am a god.”

you tried to release yourself from the bondage, “what do you want deku? i already told you i don’t have money. and this little game of yours, why don’t you just end it? or are you here to tortue me?”

he tapped his lip in thought. in other circumstances this cute stance would be adorable, in this moment his thinking scared the shit out of you. “hmm, well if you count fucking you till your legs give out a tortue then yeah, i’m gonna tortue you so hard.”

your eyes widened and you almost wanted to cry again. 

“i’m just kidding,” deku laughed loudly as he smacked his thigh. “ you should of seen your face. you were all like ahhh.” deku lifted your chin up, all submissive eyes on him. your neck pressed against his groin. “or am i just kidding? i mean, you are incredibly sexy. i’ve seen you around. in fact, i ordered a coffee from you the other day. i was wearing glasses, it was a pretty good disguise and i knew at that moment i had to have you.” his eyes darkened as the pupils enlarged. “i’m gonna have my way with you y/n and there’s nothing you can do about it. you can’t cry for help, can’t call for anyone. i’m gonna fuck you so good you are going to be begging me to continue fucking you. and then and only then, depending on how good you feel, will i actually see if i’ll let you live. one move and poof, splat, you’re dead. understand me?”

you shook your head, “no, stop! no i don’t-”

he grabbed your face harshly in his grip, tightening it. “i said, do you understand me, slut?”

you gulped, you knew what you needed to do. “i-i understand.” something heated up inside you. why was this sort of turning you on? was it his aggressiveness? his ownership of you? 

you noticed with how close he was to you his freckles. he was such an attractive man, but crazy. 

you quickly clenched your thighs, hoping deku wouldn’t notice. 

his green eyes lowered down to your action, “are you wet, whore?”

you winced. you didn’t want him to know that. “n-no!”

“tell me the truth! don’t lie!” he grabbed you by the collar of your shirt, gripping it hard. 

“yes okay. i’m sorry! i d-don’t know what’s wrong with me. b-but i hate you! i hate you with my every being and i’m scared! help! help me!” you tried again, maybe this time it would work. 

“awww,” deku feigned sympathy. “i know, i know. but see, good girls don’t lie. next time you lie to me i will rip you to shreds. don’t do that. here are the rules, no lying, no trying to run away, no being a bad girl or i’m gonna have to punish you. and you hate me? that’s cute cause after my cock is digging inside your wet pussy you’re gonna love me. now strip for me.”

“wh-what? you want me to strip for you?”

deku crossed his arms over his thick chest, rolling his eyes, “another rule, do as you are told. and no asking a hundred million fucking questions. i’m already hard.” he went down to situate his cock. and sure enough you saw a huge bulge through his suit since his suit was spandex. it was huge! you didn’t mean to stare but it held your gaze, hypnotizing you. 

“enough staring! if you’re a good girl i can let you touch it. so listen.”

you gulped, you didn’t want to be embarrassed this way, it was too much. 

deku unhandcuffed you and stuck the key and handcuffs in his pocket. he stood like a looming shadow, waiting for your move. 

your shaky hands first started unbuttoning your shirt. you looked away, not used to stripping naked for a stranger. 

“look at me,” deku growled as he forcefully shoved your face to look into his eyes. 

you took your shirt off then you went for your pants. you managed to take them off while sitting, afraid to even move in case that made him mad. then you unclasped your bra. letting the material fall down to expose your breasts. in all of this your eyes never left deku’s and his stare got more intense and dark. 

he inhaled seeing your perky nipples stand for attention. you noticed his adam’s apple bobbing up and down. 

after your bra then you went and took your panty off. feeling the cool air hit your wet cunt. 

deku bent down on his knees and opened up your legs. opening up your folds and inspecting your pussy ever so closely. 

“as i suspected,” he chuckled, “you are a little whore. look at you soaking wet. from being treated like shit.” his gloved middle finger ran up on your slit, collecting your ooze. his eyes looked for yours in reaction. 

you bit your lip, trying to hide a moan. 

“slut,” deku spat as he stopped touching you and backed away. he went to a warehouse table nearby and looked into his duffel bag. he rummaged through it and then threw an object on the floor. it was a wooden paddle. 

“pick that up,” deku ordered you. 

you stood up, feeling goosebumps litter your body. 

“no slut! on all fours. like a dog.” he smiled evilly. 

“yes, deku,” you went on all fours and crawled your way to him to retrieve the paddle. you wanted to crawl in a hole with how bashful you were but it also excited you. you knew you were fucked up but not this fucked up. something ignited within you. made you want him to overpower you, to destroy you. to overstimulate you. you wanted all of him. 

you retrieved the paddle like a dog and handed it to deku. 

“stand up,” he grabbed you by the throat and made you stand straight. even wearing heels you would never be as tall as deku. he was buff and thick, overpowering you to the point of death. he twirled you around, ass facing his cock. you wiggled your hips, trying to take in his cock but then you felt a smack on your ass from the paddle. 

“did i say you could do that?” deku was fuming. he still had a hold on you by the throat. he needed to show you who was in command. 

“no sir. i’m sorry.”

“that’s right. i think you need to be punished.” deku bent you over, ass directly in his vision, all opened up for him and spanked you hard. 

you were bent over being spanked! it couldn’t get worse than this. you cried with each slap and jolted forward. you put your hands out to keep you steady. 

“you are a bad little slut,” his words dripped like venom. your ass was becoming more sensitive and raw. you knew you were going to have bruises if you were alive tomorrow. “look at you. i can see your pussy pulsing from here. trying to take in my cock. you like this?” deku inserted three thick fingers forcefully. you gasped at the intrusion. it was too much. 

“d-deku i can’t-”

“if you can’t take this then how the fuck you’re gonna be able to take my cock? look at that, trying to suck up my fingers too, disgusting!” deku slapped you once more with the paddle. slapping both ass cheeks. he then carried some of your goop and smeared it all over your ass and puckered ass hole. 

“look at this hole. it’s so small and tight. look at how much it quivers. i’m not gonna lie. your pussy and ass hole do look delicous and you smell so fuckin good. it makes me want to taste.”

“mmmm,” you moaned, drool dripping from your lips as tears collected by your eyes. “please sir. please deku. i need your tongue.”

“you do, huh?” deku smiled wide. he spat on your asshole and smeared his saliva on the hole. “this should be enough.” he then shoved his thumb inside your puckered hole. 

your mouth created an o as he entered. about to come undone and orgasm right there. 

“you better not cum. you’re supposed to do that around my cock. now behave like a good girl and take it. let’s see if you can do my middle finger and pointer.”

that’s what he just did. he shoved his two fingers, slowly, igniting every nerve within you. 

“oh my godddddd,” you cried. it was hurting a bit because he was stretching out your ass hole. 

“i hope this little hole bleeds.” he laughed wickedly. “god, look at how you take me. your ass hole is starting to like it. you are truly a whore.”

“mmmmm,” you nodded as you started thrusting on his fingers. moving back and forth, taking his fingers in your ass hole. it felt so good now. your pussy was definitely dripping from the overstimulation. and the warehouse was echoing with your filth. it was moist and sticky, sounding like gurgling. 

“yess, fuck right there,” you moaned as deku smacked your ass. he put more pressure and went in deeper in your ass hole. his fingers were flashing in and out of you, at a quick pace. he even started to curl his fingers inside you. you felt him. felt him touch and caress each and every piece of you. 

then before you climaxed, deku put handcuffs on you again. 

“wh-what?”

he didn’t answer. all he did was drag you to the chair and put your stomach first against the back of the chair. you were sitting opposite. 

“deku?”

“sit all pretty like that for me. i have a surprise.”

daku again went to his duffel bag and that's when he showed he had your cell phone. 

“deku what are you doing?” you were frightened. stuck to the chair by handcuffs. unable to do anything. 

“i want to make sure epeople know that you fucked the worst villain in the world. that you were willing to put the worst man alive cock inside you. people need to see you for who you really are.” he set up your phone and tapped some buttons on the homescreen. 

he fixed his hair and pressed another button. “hello world. this is deku, yes, the scary man,” he laughed. “i’ve done some things in my life that have caught your attention.”

your eyes widened and you wanted to cry. he was taking a live of himself and you saw all your friends were watching. surely it would end soon right? this was unable to be on the internet. 

“now i know what you are all wondering. how can this be shown on this live? well, i hacked into the system so they can’t end this. but i have a certain guest with me.”

deku grabbed the phone and showed you. 

“say hi y/n.”

“stop deku! deku i beg of you!”

all of your friends were watching. you were mortified. you tried to grab your phone but you were stuck. tears fell down your cheek. 

“look at this ass.” deku slapped it with his palm. “all for me. and the best part, y/n wanted it. i mean look at this pussy.” deku did a close up of your cunt dripping. “you don’t know this but i just fingered her asshole that’s why it looks so red and swollen. all dripping for me. she really is a bad girl.” deku made his way to your face and put the camera to you. your mascara was streaking down and you had droll down your chin. “say hi baby!”

you looked away, face heating up. 

deku grabbed you by your hair and shoved his tongue down your throat, groaning as his spit mixed with yours, even some spilling out the side of your mouth. he separated and caressed your cheek, then he spat on your face and cackled. “enough bullshit talking lets get on with the show! enjoy everyone,” he winked to the camera. 

he carried your phone and took footage of everything he was doing. he took his spandex off and let you see his cock straight up for attention. some precum dripping down his sides. 

“let’s see you take this cock,” he pushed your chair forward as if you were to fall and then let you fall down on his cock. 

“ohhhhh,” you whined. your pussy was sensitive and even though you were embarrassed he was recording live everything. you didn’t care, you wanted no needed his dick inside you. “yes, right there, sir.”

“see! the bitch loves this!” he cackled. he pulled out and shoved back inside with force. each thrust full of energy. each time dragging itself in and out. it felt like it was about to touch your insides. you felt a bulge on your tummy. 

“yes sir, yes,” your tongue rolled out as he then started going faster. his balls smacking your sensitive cunt, sounding gushy and squelching. deku groaned with each thrust, having superhuman strength that he could probably last all day. 

that made you nervous too. you felt so full and stuffed from his cock. it felt almost impossible like he was ripping you. 

“i-i’m gonna cum,” you cried, not being able to hold onto nothing. 

deku grabbed onto your shoulders and pounded into you. the sound of skin slapping made you go insane. you tightened around his cock and urged him to cum. 

“now slut!” he allowed you to cum. 

“shiitttt,” you cried, squeezing him within you. “ughhhh, ohhhh. right there!” your legs shook like crazy. you were unable to keep still. 

deku rode out his orgasm, slapping your ass repeatedly, loving to see the paddle marks knowing he did that. “fuck me. look at this.” he showed his cock and showed how all your juices glistened on it. then he did a close up to your pussy, showing his cream inside you, dripping and having squirted and smudged everywhere. “not such a good girl after all.” he turned off the live. “that’s probably gonna be breaking news tomorrow. are you excited to be famous?”

you didn’t care to listen to him, all you were doing was catching your breath. “so, are you going to kill me now?”

deku thought about it, pondering. “hmm, nah! i see more of use you staying alive. and i like you. so you’re sticking with me, got it. forget about your past life or working as a barista, i choose you. you’re gonna be bonnie and i’ll be clyde. you ready for the villain life?” deku smirked. 

[freelancearsonist]

Check Me Out

Steven Grant x fem!Reader (Marc and Jake featured)

Rated R for librarian by day stripper by night, marc and jake are steven’s wingmen and biggest fans, nudity, i’m very long winded, steven’s never been to a strip club before and neither have i and doesn’t know how it works

3,369 words

A/N: big thank yous to @aellynera for beta-ing and coming up with a title that’s the perfect stripper/librarian double entendre (i’m still cackling), and to @dameronology and @foxilayde for answering questions my quick google searches couldn’t 😂 this was supposed to be a quick drabble so idk how it’s over 3k words now but i hope you all enjoy 🥺

You should really ask her out. She's practically begging you to.

It's moments like this that Steven really wishes Marc would shut the hell up.

"There's no way she's interested, mate," Steven whispers shyly to the man in the mirror; or rather, the man in the computer screen. Where Marc's expressions are typically stern and calculating, he actually seems amused right now. His brown eyes are lighter than usual and there's actually something of a smile tilting his lips upward.

Are you kidding? She practically got hearts in her eyes.

Steven chances a glance over to the counter-you're staring at him and when you notice his gaze you jump and quickly hurry about making yourself look busy by scanning in the precariously stacked pile of returned books on your desk.

See what I mean?

"Just a coincidence, I'm sure," Steven mumbles. He's gotten his hopes up before, only for the object of his affections to be looking at the person behind him. Especially with someone as beautiful and charming as you, he really doesn't want to set himself up for disappointment.

You're one of the smartest guys I know, Steven. Steven can't help being a little flustered by the compliment; at least, until Marc adds, but sometimes, you're a really stupid genius.

"You don't have to be mean about it." Steven logs out of the computer and contemplates going over to you, then thinks better of it. Instead, he turns towards the familiar open mouth of the nonfiction section and remains blissfully unaware of the fact that you're watching him run away like the lovesick puppy you are.

It's hard, having a crush on a man who (to you) is so clearly not interested in you. He runs away every time he notices your attention, and you feel bad that you can't keep your eyes off him when you're so sure you're making him uncomfortable.

If only you knew.

C'mon, pack it up, Marc urges him. We've only got an hour until I need to meet my contact and I don't want to wear your clothes.

Steven almost sounds offended when he asks, "what's wrong with my clothes?"

Nothing's wrong with them, per se. But I don't want to be dressed like a youth pastor at a strip club.

"Strip club?!" It comes out way louder than Steven anticipated, and for once he's glad for the solitude of his history corner.

He set the terms. It'll be a quick in and out. Who knows, maybe you'll want to stay and enjoy the show.

Steven really doesn't think so. Not only because he's being dragged to a strip club as part of some mission of his alter's that he really doesn't want to condone, but because he's never believed in looking at a woman or man or anyone disrespectfully. And he's not so sure he'll be able to help it if he lets himself relax to enough to watch.

"Thanks bruv, but I'll pass," Steven grumbles as he absentmindedly drags his fingers over the hard cover spines of books that haven't been checked out in ages.

He doesn't have to look at his reflection to know that Marc's smiling.

Your loss, man.

Steven fumbles around asking you about your day and if you have any plans for the weekend as you scan the pile of books he's taking home, and he hears more than one exasperated sigh from Marc; especially when Steven leaves your domain yet again without asking for your number.

Once the books have been safely organized on the desk, Steven yields the body to Marc. He watches with interest from the mirror as Marc takes a frankly ridiculous amount of time rummaging through the closet to pick out an outfit.

There's another voice coming from the mirror while Marc goes about his task.

Just pick something. It's not rocket science, no one's gonna be judging you for what you wear.

Marc glares over his shoulder at the reflection that spoke. "If I don't dress the part, I'll stand out like a sore thumb."

Let me dress us, then.

Marc almost snorts at that. "You're well-versed in strip club attire, are you?”

Jake responds with a snarky smirk. I'm better at looking human than you.

Sorry, I hate to interrupt, but we're going to be late if you take much longer, Marc.

Marc takes a deep breath and scrubs a hand over his face at Steven's comment.

"Okay. Fine."

And just like that, Jake's in.

It takes him all of five minutes to select the perfect garments that blend into a sense of casual nonchalantness; the perfect look for an unsuspecting afternoon strip club goer. 

Marc begrudgingly thanks Jake for how quickly he managed to throw together such perfect street clothes when he fronts again.

So what exactly are we doing, lads?

“We’re retrieving an ushabti,” Marc explains simply as he goes about slicking his dark curls back. He doesn’t know how Steven can stand parting his hair—it drives him insane to get the soft strands in his face when he’s working.

An ushabti? The excitement is quite evident in Steven’s voice, even without Marc looking over to see the way his alter’s entire face has lit up. Whose ushabti, pray tell?

“Set.”

The gasp Steven emits is almost comical. Set? The Set? As in, god of chaos Set?

Marc looks over and gives him a simple nod before grabbing his jacket and double-checking that the apartment keys are tucked safely in his pocket. “Yeah. That’s the one.”

Oh my days. 

Typical Steven. More interested in the ancient action figure than the strippers.

It’s said with the fondness of an older brother cuffing the younger on the shoulder, but Steven lets out a disgruntled hum anyway. 

Marc ignores the conversation between his alters as he starts down the street, eyes focused on his feet and hands tucked in the pockets of his jacket.

It’s not an action figure, bruv. It’s… I suppose maybe you could use figurine, if you wanted to be archaic.

What’s the difference between a figurine and an action figure?

Steven almost scoffs at his alter’s ignorance. An action figure is a child’s plaything, innit? And a figurine—

Is something you find on the shelf at your grandma’s house. There’s a smirk in Jake’s voice as he says it—not as ignorant as he’d lead Steven to believe, but instead making a friendly game of toying with his alter.

You’re absolutely impossible, Steven groans, frustrated. You’d be hard pressed to find an ushabti at a grandmother’s house—

What, your grandma didn’t put her dolls on display?

Steven’s starting to catch on to Jake’s teasing, but he doesn’t mind continuing the argument. Well, that’s not quite right, is it? Considering that ushabtis aren’t “dolls”…

Barbies, G.I. Joes, whatever, Jake chuckles. I never could tell the difference.

Well typically—

“Will you two quit?” Marc growls under his breath as his steps come to a halt outside of the club. “We’re here.”

The stench of cigarette smoke and alcohol is almost enough to gag him as he pushes the door open and lets his eyes adjust to the dramatically different amount of light.

He takes a long look around the room—marks each exit and entry, notes how tall the catwalk is and how far the bar is to the bathroom. He could close his eyes and draw blueprints of the building in just a few seconds.

Probably one of the last places on the continent that allows smoking indoors, Steven chokes out. Smells bloody awful, doesn’t it?

I used to really like the smell, Jake interjects. Reminds me of grandpa’s house.

I don’t know if I could ever get used to this. Already feel like I need a good wash.

Marc can see Steven’s visage in the shiny silver of one of the large poles spanning from the ceiling to the catwalk stage—sees the way his alter shudders in contempt as if his skin is crawling.

And then he diverts his attention from the poles to the people attached to them.

There’s three poles along the long catwalk and the two outer poles are inhabited by dancers—clearly talented, seamlessly blending the art of dance with the skill of shedding their clothes without using their hands.

My, my. Jake lets out a low whistle—his silhouette shines in the uninhabited middle pole. We should go on more field trips like this, boys.

“This isn’t a pleasure trip,” Marc whispers. “Remember what we’re here for.”

Jake hums his assent. Body’s all yours. If you need me, I’ll be over here enjoying the show.

“You’re unusually quiet, Steven.”

I-I’m looking for this friend of yours.

He sounds unusually bashful, which Marc finds odd. There’s not a lot that gets Steven speechless.

“I already found him.”

The contact is a burly, middle-aged man nearly twice Marc’s size. He’s got a full graying beard and he’s lounged in a plush armchair like he’s never felt more at home.

Marc slides easily into the seat next to him—smiles and thanks the leather-clad waiter that offers him a drink. Just water; he doesn’t dare drink on the job.

He’s cute, Jake notes with a hint of amusement in his tone.

“They all are,” Marc replies under his breath.

Would you look at that. She’s got an Oxford tattoo, Steven hums with interest about one of the dancers on the catwalk. I wonder what her major is.

Jake snorts in good humor. You’re one of a kind, Steven.

Thank you, I think?

Marc tunes out his alters as the man beside him shifts—leans forward and carefully sets a small stone statue on the table between the two men.

Coast is clear, Jake tells him after a moment of observation. Marc gives the room a cursory glance, then smoothly swipes the ushabti from the table and slips it into his jacket.

By the time he’s done, the contact is already gone. But Marc knows it’s not the last time he’ll see the man—he’s a good guy who keeps a tight watch on the black market when it comes to things that Khonshu and the other gods don’t want falling into the wrong hands. Marc’s never actually talked to him—their interactions have always been these inconspicuous drops. But he’s got a suspicion that the man was an avatar at one point, although he’s not sure whom his contact might’ve served.

Don’t tell me we’re leaving already. There’s a hint of disdain in Jake’s voice when Marc shifts in his chair, about to stand up.

“Why not?”

We just got here! C’mon, we’ve at least got to stay for the headliner. It’s rude to leave without dropping some cash.

Marc doesn’t know why he’s even considering staying. It would be smart to leave as soon as possible and get Set’s ushabti into safekeeping.

Instead, he leans back in his chair and takes a sip of water.

It’s been a long, long time since he let himself relax and enjoy something like this, even just for a moment. He can’t remember the last time he felt so inconsequential, and it’s soothing in a way he didn’t know it could be.

I’d much rather go home, if that’s alright with you lads, Steven pipes in. I was hoping to get some extra reading time tonight.

Just sit back and enjoy it, Stevie. The smirk on Jake’s face almost makes Marc smile. Who knows, maybe you’ll see someone you like. I’ll ask her out for you, if you want.

Steven nearly chokes on his own tongue. I don’t think that’ll be necessary, but thank you.

The waiter comes back around and offers a refill as the two dancers vacate the catwalk, so Marc isn’t paying attention as the song changes and the announcer’s booming voice proclaims the stage name of the woman who comes on and takes her place at the center pole.

But when he focuses back on the dancer, he’s completely intrigued.

She moves fluidly and skillfully, like it comes to her as easily as breathing. It’s awe-inspiring, really—watching the way you spin and twirl around the pole and make it look like the easiest thing you’ve ever done.

Oh. My. God.

Steven’s never fronted so forcefully, and he mutters a string of profuse apology to Marc as he darts to his feet.

“It’s her.”

Did I miss something? Jake asks with an appraising hum as his eyes trail over you, and Steven has to fight the urge to scold him for looking at you like that.

Holy shit. Marc says it with a disbelieving chuckle—rubs his eyes like he doesn’t quite believe what he’s seeing. It’s the librarian.

Wait, that’s a librarian? Jake almost sounds offended. Damn, if I knew she was why Steven was always going to that place, I wouldn’t space out so much.

“She’s not why I go,” Steven argues indignantly. “My god, she’s… she’s incredible, isn’t she?”

Why aren’t you hitting that?

Steven nearly gasps at the question. “I’d never hit her.”

I didn’t mean—

Never mind, Jake, Marc chuckles. I’ve been trying to convince him to ask her out for months. He won’t do it.

Steven can’t drag his eyes away from you, even though he feels unworthy to watch your talent. He’s nearly writing sonnets in his head, putting to words the way you sway like a flower in the breeze and light his heart on fire.

“She’s so beautiful.” Steven’s voice is filled with quiet reverence—the kind used around sleeping babies and fragile relics. He doesn’t want to risk shattering this moment.

You sure you don’t want me to ask her out for you? 

Steven feels his face flush with heat and has to consciously keep himself from twiddling his thumbs. “She’s not interested. Not in me.”

Jake groans at Steven’s pessimism. Marc, talk some sense into him.

Trust me, I’ve tried. There’s a fond smile on Marc’s face as he speaks. He can’t be reasoned with.

Give me the body, Steven. I’ll take care of it for you.

“No!” It’s louder than he means for it to be, and he looks around bashfully to make sure no one’s looking. Thankfully, the music’s loud enough to cover for him. “Jake, really. You’ll just make an embarrassment of me.”

Now, when have I ever let you down, buddy?

Steven’s hard pressed to find an example, and it’s slightly irritating. He doesn’t have a good reason not to let Jake take the reigns—not a good reason that he wants to share, anyway.

In all honesty, Steven wants you to himself. He wants to ask you out and date you and do it without Jake holding his hand, but he’s just so damn nervous. He can’t handle the possibility that you might turn him down, that you won’t want anything to do with him. Not having you at all and pining from afar, to him, is a much more desirable outcome than having his heart broken.

Jake’s more perceptive than Steven gives him credit for, though. If there’s one thing he’s well-versed in, it’s interpersonal relationships.

Dude, you’ve gotta shoot your shot, Jake tells him firmly. She’s not gonna completely shaft you, even if she’s not interested.

Steven’s about to reply but he stops short because all of a sudden your eyes are on him. He almost feels like he’s been set on fire because your eyes are dark with concentration on your craft and your gaze lingers on him for way longer than it should, even as you spin around the pole and fling yourself upside down.

It’s so intensely intimate, keeping this eye contact with you while your tits are on display for him to see.

Go over to the ATM, Jake instructs. Get some ones.

Steven’s too shellshocked not to obey. He’s never done this, doesn’t know how much cash he should have. He’s not really even paying attention as he puts his card in the machine and pulls out a hefty stack of bills; his eyes are attached firmly to your increasingly less clothed form.

I’ve gotta hand it to her, she’s really good, Marc hums appraisingly.

“Oh god, I’m a bloody pervert, aren’t I?” Steven whimpers. He’s so ashamed that he’s looking at you like this, and yet he can’t will himself to stop.

You’re supposed to be watching, Steven, Jake hums with interest. That’s why she’s here.

He  feels a tinge of jealousy that he’s not the only one watching. There’s so many sets of eyes on you, all seeing your gorgeous body and the way you move so sensually to the rhythm of the song.

And yet he’s the only one who has your gaze. He has your focus as you spin and twirl and awe the crowd.

Suddenly, he can’t help thinking that maybe Marc’s right. Maybe you are interested.

Get closer, Jake urges. Throw some ones, see if she’ll let you tuck some into her panties.

Steven nearly chokes at the implication. “Stars above. I… I think I’m in over my head here, mates.”

Offer’s still on the table, Jake shrugs. I’ll get her for you if you want, bud.

“No.” It’s firm, decisive. Steven’s made up his mind: he’s never going to do anything with his life if he can’t be brave right now. If he can’t do this, he can’t do anything. Later, he’ll realize that’s not true; but for right now, it gives him the push he needs to walk right up the edge of the catwalk.

You transition effortlessly from the center pole to the one at the lip of the stage, as if you’re magnetically drawn to Steven’s presence.

Up close, it’s even harder not to make a bumbling mess of himself. There’s miles and miles of smooth, beautiful skin on display for him and it makes his head spin. Like this, it’s easy to block out all the background. It’s just you on your podium and him white-knuckling the edge of the stage, trying to keep his breathing under control as the song starts to crescendo towards its end and your movements become faster, more complex and skillful.

As the song ends, you strut easily to the edge and kneel down in front of him, torso twisting in time with the final notes of the beat.

Go on, Steven, Marc urges. It’s okay.

Marc somehow always knows exactly what his alter needs to hear.

The words give Steven the courage to reach up and tuck a few folded bills into the waistband of your panties—his face is so heated he’s almost worried he might pass out.

“Hey handsome,” you whisper. This confidence of yours is so different from your typically mild-mannered demeanor at the library, and it sends Steven into a tailspin. “Don’t think I’ve seen you here before.”

“F-first time,” he says with a nod. “You’re a brilliant dancer.”

“Thank you,” you tell him with a smile that nearly makes his knees buckle. “I’m done for the night, want to grab a drink?”

Oh god. Oh god, red alert. It’s happening. He didn’t even have to take the initiative.

Suddenly, he feels so stupid for waiting so long to make a move. So much wasted time spent wondering if you might return his affections when you could’ve already been his for months now.

Marc’s voice is firm. Speak, Steven. Don’t leave her hanging.

“Right,” Steven breathes. “Y-yeah, that would be swell.”

You smile grows impossibly brighter as you stand up—Steven’s eyes are level with your legs, and he gulps thickly as his eyes trail slowly up your body to your face.

“Let me go get dressed and I’ll meet you at the bar.”

Holy shit, Jake hums with an amused chuckle as the three of them watch you strut off backstage. Look at you, Steven. Didn’t even need my help.

“Don’t say that yet,” Steven whispers back. He falls back into a thickly padded chair with a heavy sigh, suddenly sweaty and shaky with the adrenaline of it all. “I feel rather light-headed. It’ll be a miracle if I’m still conscious when she gets back.”

THE END

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[elysianslove]

poly relationship with megumi and yuuji

requested by anon; poly relationship headcanons with megumi, reader, and yuuji, exploring how their relationship works and the dynamic between them, romantically as well as sexually. 

pairings; fushiguro megumi x reader x itadori yuuji

genre; fluff, smut

warnings; mentions of nsfw (poly nsfw, threesomes, some dom/sub themes, etc)

note; megumi and yuuji are both aged up here! 

there are many different routes to go with this, like being in a relationship with one of them first and then exploring the possibility of including a third party, but i’m gonna go with the one where you three just decide to date

how it happens: it was very obvious yuuji liked you, and even more painfully obvious megumi liked you. yuuji went out of his way to constantly show it, greeting you with a louder voice than others, hugging you tighter, buying anything that reminded him of you and then gifting it to you, inviting you out in the middle of the night for a food run. with megumi, though, it was a lot more subtle. it’s in the small glances he’d gift you, the smile he’d offer only to you, the blush of his cheeks any time your name is mentioned, your closet drowning in his oversized clothes he’d let you borrow. and while you didn’t really catch on until after a while, they recognized their feelings for you in each other

and so they planned to confess. each had a bouquet of flowers, both your favorites and lumps in their throats. yuuji looked like he was about to shit himself, and megumi looked like he’d seen a ghost. it was, to put it simply, hilarious. 

by the time they came to confess, you’d put two and two together, but seeing them gave you a huge reality check. they confessed, yada yada, and before you knew it, when they’d asked, “which one of us?” you said, “both.” it was a no-brainer type of question, one where your mouth moved before your mind could properly process. 

you and megumi were both like ??? at your response but yuuji straight up went “aight both it is” completely unfazed.

at first, it actually goes a lot better than you’d expected? they’re both a little shy and it is a foreign thing for both of them, so they just tread lightly. neither of them make a move to kiss you for a really long time, so at the beginning it’s just dates upon dates, some physical shows of affection like hugging and cuddling.

when you kiss, it’s like a band snaps. you’re sitting with them on your living room couch, sandwiched between them as a movie plays on the tv screen. you’re holding onto each of their hands, with yuuji’s head on your shoulder. it’s one of those days where neither of them are really thinking about the dynamic, just reveling in being with you. you’re not sure where the urge or the courage came from, but slowly, you mutter, “can i kiss you two?” 

yuuji immediately sits up and faces you, eyes a little excited, and although megumi stares ahead, his hand in yours tightens. 

“you really wanna kiss me?” yuuji asks, and megumi has to correct him and say, “us.” 

since yuuji seemed more comfortable with the idea, you kiss him first. he feels just as excited as he seems, and he kisses you passionately, as if making up for the past few months. it leaves you breathless when you pull back and turn to megumi to kiss him next. the other boy is already breathless from anticipation, and when you kiss him, it’s a stark difference to yuuji’s kiss. where yuuji’s felt feverish and intoxicating, megumi’s is serene and dizzying. his lips move incredibly slow against yours, allowing you to breathe him in as properly as you can. 

as soon as you pull back, megumi’s saying, in a low, sultry voice, “again,” pulling you in for another kiss where you can hear yuuji’s loud whine of “no fair!” as he latches onto you from behind. 

your dynamic with the two strengthens insanely after that. there’s no air of nervousness or tension between you three. the relationship flows a lot better than it did before. 

generally, there isn’t much jealousy between the two boys. unless it’s harmless teasing and playful jokes, they don’t fight for your attention. when one is more available than the other, they don’t really hold a grudge about it either. but they won’t like it if you go on a date specifically with one of them only, unless they were busy you know? like the three of you are dating, so inclusion is necessary.

speaking of, you once asked if this relationship meant that yuuji and megumi are dating too, technically. at first, they both shook their heads and were like absolutely not we just both happen to be dating you. but in the heat of the moment, once, while in a heavy make out session with you with their brains all fuzzy, they kissed. and they liked it. but they never spoke about it since, even though you like to bring it up any time one of them even considers teasing you

yuuji is all about loud actions. he is the one you go to when your day has been a little too bad, and all you want is someone to hold you. he gives 10/10 hugs. 

megumi is all about subtle actions. he is the one you go to when you need someone to listen to you vent, even though he doesn’t give that good of advice. neither of them do tbh. but megumi’s an amazing listener than likes to hold your hand throughout and give you a proud kiss on the forehead after. 

okay nsfw time 😼

the requester asked for something specific, but before i get into that, imma talk general

at first, they didn’t really know how to go about it, so they just took turns with you? if that makes sense? they’d alternate between who goes first each time. but then the flow started to get a little less messy, and they were both a lot more comfortable with being with you at the same time, paying attention to all of you, you know? 

yuuji loves, loves, loves to go down on you, and while his face is buried between your thighs, megumi’s paying the upmost attention to your breasts, fondling and licking and sucking and biting. 

it used to be weird to be together while you pleasured them both, but then they got accustomed to it, even to the point that the thought of it aroused them. it didn’t matter who’s fucking which hole to them, since they didn’t have a preference really. and a lot of the times, you’ll suck them both off at the same time, and it’ll be really lewd and really messy and obscene and it used to be a big deal but not anymore, not when you looked this pretty with your mouth stuffed with one dick and face caressed by the other dick. 

okay so the specific thing: sub yuuji. both you and megumi absolutely adore ruining him. it’s a balance between overstimulating him and edging him. you love overstimulating him to the point of tears and dry orgasms, where he has nothing left to give but you keep going, and going and going. it’s such a pretty look on him, with his chest flushed and his abs taut ad rolling, his thighs and arms twitching and endless sobs leaving his lips, a stream of fat tears rolling down his pink cheeks. megumi, on the other hand, loves edging him, tying him up and restraining him so he can’t move, can’t touch, can’t flinch away, and edges him until his dick is leaking an insane amount of precum, until he looks like he’s on the verge of passing out, until he’s flinching away from any touch because it’s outright painful. and when he cums, oh god, with your mouth latched onto his nipple, biting roughly, and your hand in his hair, megumi’s hand relentless on his dick, he’s the most beautiful, with his hips shooting up and pain filled screams echoing around the room. he cums, and cums, and cums, and you don’t think he’s cum this much or this hard before. megumi has such a sadistic, gleaming look in his eyes, and it excites you to your core.

doesn’t mean they don’t like to play with you too, and that you and yuuji don’t have your fun with megumi as well. but essentially, after discovering just how good of a sub yuuji is, it’s impossible to not want to explore it more. 

okay nsfw’s over

they love being all cuddled up with you in bed, and 9 times out of ten, if you’re not it, megumi’s the small spoon. he loves to lay his head on your chest with your hands cupping his head and threading through his hair. and he won’t admit it, but the feel of yuuji’s sturdy chest and strong arms around him from behind is really comforting. 

sometimes yuuji’s the small spoon too! but he usually forces his way in between you and megumi tbh

when you’re the small spoon, you’re drowned in their figures. just sandwiched between them. on cloud nine. in heaven. the absolute dream

so yeah! being with the two of them is both really fun and filled with really serene, loving moments. they know how to love you with their all, and you’re the happiest you’ve ever been

end note; despite that being really long i feel like i missed a lot idk why. but i really, really hope that the requester and everyone else enjoyed this!! love you all <33

[weelittleweasley]

crazy (f.w.)

prompt: something has been off between you and fred and trying to get to the bottom of it is madness.

pairing: fred weasley x fem! gryffindor! reader

warnings: mild language, crying, usage of marijuana, underage smoking, being high, dwindling relationships, angst

word count: 6.6k

taglist: @rosaliepostsstuff​ @harrysweasleys​ @gcdric​ @lumos-barnes​ @whizboingies​ @lumosandnoxwriting​ @pxroxide-prinxcesss​ @c-t-h​ @lol-idk-oops​ @another-lonely-heart-blog​ @parseltongueswriting​ @shilohpug​ @peachypotter​ @spacexcowgirl​ @paintballkid711​@vogueweasley​ @kaseyrose96-blog​ @hufflepuff5972​ @gryffindcrghost​ @wand3ringr0s3​

The snow melted away revealing the lush, green Scottish landscapes that the Hogwarts castle proudly sat upon. Spring had made its arrival with the eruption of white forget-me-nots and blossoming wildflowers in the courtyard. The sight from outside your window made your heart fill with glee as you smiled brightly, a lighthearted giggle dancing off your lips. You turned to your roommates with bright eyes and a hopeful smile. Alicia sighs mellow dramatically as you run over to her with pleading eyes, “It’s a beautiful day outside. Don’t you want to enjoy the first day of spring?” you dance around her as Angelina enters your dormitory with a big, bright smile. She had the same idea as you, no doubt. 

Alicia looks back and forth between you and Angie before surrendering, “Not too long please. I have an herbology exam and I need to do well on it.”

Without much more hesitation, the three of you are out of the dormitory and scurrying down the stairs. “We’ll be surrounded by the grass and the flowers and the trees; that oughtta help with studying, won’t it, Angie?” you tease as Angelina laughs in agreement, earning a sarcastic eye roll from Alicia. Finally, a warm day outside after the brutal and unforgiving winter. The sun was out, the grass was green, and the air was fresh with renewal. Spring was here.

As you walk through the common room, you stop in your tracks when your eyes land on Fred, your lips involuntarily turning up into a smile when you see him. Angelina and Alicia run ahead of you as you grab Fred’s hands with a smile. “Freddie!” you beam, looking at him with a happy grin, cheeks tingling from smiling hard.

He reciprocates a smile and places a kiss to your forehead. “Excited to see me, darling?” he teases. “Where are you lot off to?” he asks, resting one of his hands on your hips, looking down at you as you excitedly rock back and forth on your heels. Your lips are curled into a smile as you bite onto your bottom lip, lovingly looking at your Fred. “Take a picture, sweetheart, it’ll last longer,” he whispers, teasing you as you roll your eyes with a light swat to his chest, making him chuckle.

“We’re off to go outside. It’s beautiful out and we figured we would enjoy the weather,” you tell him as he tilts your chin up with this forefinger, rubbing his thumb over your bottom lip. You giggle lightly before biting his thumb gently as he chuckles. “You want to come with us?” you ask hopeful for his response.

Much to your dismay, Fred sighs, “I’m afraid I can’t. I have loads of work to catch up on today. I’m way behind in Potions.” You pout, displeased with the news, but Fred kisses your pouted lips which brings an instant smile to your face. “I’ll catch up with you later though, alright, darling?” You give him a small nod before he pecks your forehead and leaves you, catching up with George who waits for him at the bottom of the steps to the boys’ dormitories. 

You run off, catching up with Alicia and Angie, linking your arms with them as you make your way outdoors. As soon as you step outside, the spring air fills your lungs, smelling of fresh grass and morning dew. A small smile forms on your lips as you happily sigh. Springtime made your heart soar. It reminded you of good things, happy memories. Running in the grass as you played games of tag as a child, going to the park and getting pushed on the swings as you swung higher and higher. Spring reminded you of laying underneath a tree, Fred’s head in your lap as you brushed through his hair, reading a book out loud to him as he happily shut his eyes, listening to the sound of your voice mixing with the springtime breeze. 

Angelina immediately makes a run for a grassy patch covered with beautiful wildflowers, laughing in the process as you and Alicia run after her. All three of you immediately flop down, the grass molding to the shape of your bodies as you lay back, staring at the pale blue sky filled with cotton ball clouds. As if on cue, the three of you sigh out. “This is nice,” you speak as Angie hums in agreement. “Aren’t you glad you came, Alicia?”

Alicia sighs, “Yeah, I guess.” You push her arm teasingly, making her retaliate, “Okay, okay, yes. This is very nice. Thank you.”

The three of you lay in the grass for a long while, making quiet chatter. At one point, you start picking flowers, tying the stems together to create a crown for each of you. You skillfully plaited the stems of the purple, yellow, and white wildflowers before placing the crown on your two friends’ heads. With the other flowers you found, you started plaiting again, this crown for Fred as you smiled to yourself, quietly making your masterpiece. 

“For Fred?” Alicia asks you as you nod your head, not looking away from the plaits. “Jeez, (Y/N), you’re like a lovesick puppy.” 

This earns a slap on the arm from Angelina, a small ouch dropping from Alicia’s mouth. “I think it’s sweet, (Y/N),” Angie beams at you as you roll your eyes, knowing she found it tooth rotting-ly sick like Alicia did. But you didn’t care. It was the small things that you did that made Fred know that you loved him. Small kisses in between classes, closing his textbook for him when he needed a break, offering a hug when he was stressed, sneaking out of class to meet him in the hallway. It were the little things that made Fred fall in love with you and you with him. Although a flower crown may be silly, it was just a token of affection. To show him that you were thinking of him while you were outside.

Recently, you’ve been doing little things more often just because of how busy Fred seemed to be. Your hang outs have been getting cut short and he doesn’t seem to have as much free time anymore. Whether it’s quidditch practice, studying for exams, or running off to pull pranks with George, you always catch him when he’s busy. It was a little frustrating, feeling like your boyfriend had been casting you aside and taking priorities over something else. But rather than telling him how you felt, you convinced yourself that this was just temporary and it would phase itself out. But a month had gone by, and nothing changed. But you still hadn’t brought it up to him. Instead, you continued doing little things.

Alicia groans, peeling herself off of the fresh grass, shielding her eyes from the setting sun. “I should probably head back inside now to study. The exam is this week and I still have a lot of work to do,” she huffs before standing from the grass, brushing off her skirt as you and Angelina follow her lead.

You link arms with Angelina as Alicia leads the way. Angelina looks at you, as you play with Fred’s flower crown in your hands. “You alright?” she asks you as you look at her with a small nod. “You seem gloomy.”

You think for a moment. You could tell Angelina about the situation, but you didn’t want to drag your friends into your relationship problems. She could talk to Fred, but why would she talk to Fred when you could? With a shake of your head, you speak, “I’m alright, Angie. Thank you for checking in though.”

She hugs you to her side, “Of course. You are one of my best mates, I just want to make sure that you’re happy.” You nod your head and walk back into the common room. 

Alicia and Angie start to the girl’s dorms as you part from them, towards the boy’s. “I’m gonna go to Fred’s. I’ll catch up with you lot later,” you smile at them with a wave before heading up the stairs to Fred’s dormitory. Nervously, you play with the flower crown in your hands, twisting it in between your fingers. You were hoping that you and Fred could finally have some alone time, hoping that George and Lee wouldn’t be in the room. It had been a long while since you had alone time with Fred. Even then, the last time was short lived, Fred leaving your room earlier than you had planned thanks to quidditch practice. 

When you reached his dormitory, you lifted your hand up to knock, but stopped when you heard laughter coming from behind the door. There were a few people in the room. You could hear Fred’s voice, but also a handful of others in the room. Your heart sank as you listened to the muffled voices behind the door, having a laugh with each other. Did Fred leave you out intentionally? You were friends with the same people in your year which made no sense as to why he didn’t tell you of this hang out. You got along with everyone just fine. 

You shake it off and knock on the door which causes all the voices to halt suddenly. You are so tempted to press your ear to the door to listen to the low whispering before you hear footsteps approach the door, the lock turn, and the door creak open to reveal Fred at the door. “Hi,” you speak timidly as Fred smiles.

But instead of swinging the door open as expected, Fred slithers out from the door and closes it behind him. “Hi, sweetheart,” he coos to you as you feign a smile. You look behind him at the door, wondering what could be happening behind it. “I didn’t expect you,” he interrupts your thoughts as you look at him.

“Well, you did say we would catch up later...and it’s later,” you chuckle as Fred smiles. “Um,” you stutter before formulating a sentence, “I, uh, are you busy now? I thought that maybe we could go out into the courtyard and grab a blanket and watch the stars? It’s supposed to be clear out tonight. Perfect for stargazing.” You had come up with this idea off the cuff, testing him. If he said no, he could invite you in to where he was clearly hanging out with some people already. If he said yes, it meant he was willing to ditch whatever was going on inside to be with you. 

Fred gives you a sad smile. “That sounds lovely, but I’m afraid I’m slammed with work tonight,” he tells you as your heart falls. You wait for him to invite you inside to his room with the obvious group he had. But he mentions none of it. “But I promise I’ll make it up to you. Soon,” he explains, kissing your hairline as you gulp, trying to keep cool. “What’s this?” he refers to the flower crown on your head with a giggle as you lightly force a smile on your lips to cover your disappointment.

“It’s, uh, a flower crown. I made them in the field. I made one for myself and Angie, and Alicia, and I actually m-”

“I hate to cut you off, my love, but I really have to get back to work,” Fred interjects as you stand there, mouth agape and eyes filled with pure confusion. “I’m sorry about tonight, darling, but I have to get going. I’ll see you soon, I promise. Love you,” he kisses your parted lips before slipping back behind the door, leaving you speechless and upset.

The flower crown in your hand suddenly looks very wilted as you sigh at the sight of it. You gulp hard, trying to keep calm and collected, but you can’t help but feel so disappointed. And lied to. Fred obviously had people over in his room and he didn’t tell you about them when you gave him the opportunity to.

Even more upset than before, you walk down the stairs and back to the girl’s dormitory, throwing Fred’s wilted crown in the garbage in the process. With low spirits, you walk back into your dormitory to see Alicia reading a textbook on her bed while Angelina laid on the floor, painting her nails, both shocked to see you back so soon. But before they could ask you why you simply stated, “He was busy.”

You take off your jumper and change into a fresh shirt and comfortable sweatpants as Alicia closes her textbook and sighs. “(Y/N), is something going on between you and Fred?” she asks you as you face away from them, changing. As you fold your clothes, you try your best to not let your sad thoughts get the best of you. “The two of you seem a little off lately. Can we help?” she asks, but that’s when it gets to you. You couldn’t hide the fact that something was happening between you and Fred and not something good. This distance, the feeling like you were oceans away, was starting to show to the outside eye.

Without bothering to cover it up, you let a small sob escape your lips as you turn around to face your friends. Both of them rise to their feet to comfort you as Angelina wraps her arms around you, pulling you closer as Alicia rubs your back. You cry in Angie’s arms, speaking through small sobs, “I just can’t help but feel worried for us.” The two of your friends listen to you intently, not wanting to miss a single beat. “Why do I let myself worry wondering what in the world did I do?” you cry out. You can’t help but feel like you did something wrong that made Fred cast you aside. 

You peel yourself from Angelina’s embrace you as you wipe your eyes with the cuff of your clean shirt. “I’m so sorry you feel like this, (Y/N). You don’t deserve any of it,” Alicia says. “He’s behaving like a child,” she shakes her head as you sniffle, Alicia still rubbing your back.

“It’s not even him behaving like a child. I’ve grown used to that. It’s just...” you sigh out, running your hands over your face. “I came to his room and there were people there...and he was hiding them from me. He came out into the hallway to talk to me and he didn’t invite me in when I knew there were people inside. He’s just become so...sneaky for some reason. And that’s not the Fred I know,” you trail off, thinking about how unlike Fred this was. “I feel crazy for feeling so lonely.”

The thought of Fred becoming someone you didn’t recognize made your stomach feel queasy and your chest feel tight. You fell in love with a wild, goofy, happy person who loved spending time with you. And now...now you barely even saw the boy to know what he was like.

Angelina looks at you with sad eyes, “Hey. You’ve got us.” You give her a sad smile and nod your head. She was completely right; just because your boyfriend didn’t want to hang out with you all the time didn’t mean that you didn’t have other people in your life. “Now let’s dry those eyes and enjoy the night. I’ll finish painting my nails and then we can do yours. After that, I say we sneak into the kitchens and get some snacks and head up to the astronomy tower. It’s supposed to be a clear night and that means it’s a great night for star gazing,” she suggests with a hopeful smile as you sniffle, a small smile emerging on your face.

You look to Alicia, an excited gleam in your eyes, looking for her answer. She sighs in defeat, “Yeah, I’ll join. But if I get a shit mark on this test, it’s you two’s fault,” she points a warning finger at you as you giggle.

“Thank you, the both of you,” you tell your two best friends. This was exactly what you needed. A night with your two best friends enjoying the views of the crystal clear night sky. It was exactly what you needed to get your mind off of your relationship with Fred. 

Soon enough, Angelina had finished painting her nails and Alicia had finished cramming in some last minute studying. “You sure that you’re ready for the exam, Leesh? Because if you’re not, we can do a different night!” you try to sympathize with her.

Alicia shakes her head, “Nah, I should be fine. Besides, I sit next to Longbottom. If worse comes to worse-”

“Alicia!” Angelina laughs as she just shrugs as the two of you leave your dormitory room, headed for the kitchens. “Alright you lot, come on now. And remember to keep,” Angelina speaks in a hush whisper as you tip toe into the kitchen, but halting in your tracks when you realize you’re not alone, “quiet.”

Standing in front of you is a laughing Katie Bell as she stands in between the legs of Fred who is sat on top of the counter, munching on a chocolate biscuit. The two of them are a giggling mess as you spot George and Lee raiding the cupboards for more snacks. But the laughter dwindles down as Fred’s eyes land on you. When his chocolate eyes meet yours, your heart falls onto the ground. He was busy, eh?

Alicia looks at your reaction and what she sees is the look of heartbreak. Anger starts to bubble in Alicia’s chest when she notices how upset you are. Without further hesitation, she claps her hands. “Alright, you lot. The kitchens aren’t just for you. Come on. Give it up,” she walks further into the kitchens, plucking snacks as she sees fit, one of them being the biscuits that Fred had in his hand. She immediately sticks the treat in her mouth before Fred can protest. “Thanks, Weasley,” she says with a mouthful of chocolate biscuit. 

You on the other hand stay put where you are, eyes glued on Fred and his on yours. Your eyes stare into his soul and you can feel how uncomfortable he is with you catching him redhanded. His eyes are like magnets, not letting you pull away from him. It’s like you’re in a trance and he’s trying to send you a mind message. But before he can say anything, you shake your head and break eye contact. Angelina mutters something under her breath as she walks towards Alicia to help her with snacks, but you can make out her saying something along the lines of how pathetic. 

Walking into the kitchens, following Angelina, you grab a bag from Alicia filled with snacks. As you turn around, you bump into George who is a giggling mess. “(Y/N)!” he exclaims as you sigh and give him a curt smile. “I haven’t seen you in forever,” he whines as you look to Angelina for help with wide eyes. “Is Freddie keeping you all to himself again?” he teases you, wiggling his brows.

But as you look at his eyes, you see how bloodshot they look, how droopy and tired his eyes are. He sports a lazy smile and a giggle keeps reverberating in his chest. You furrow your brows, “Are you...are you high, Georgie?” you ask him.

He scoffs, “Me? High? Pffft, no!” You give him a look. “Okay, yes. I am.” You look to Angelina and gulp, wanting to leave now before things got ugly. “Freddie, I miss (Y/N). Where have you been hiding her?” George calls out to her brother who remains seated on the counter, staring at you the whole time.

Fred opens his mouth to say something, but you speak before he can, “You’ve been really busy, huh, Freddie.” He just sits there and stares at you. “Thank you for being honest with me.” Your eyes divert and see Katie who stands in between his legs, hands placed on his knees. The sight makes you feel sick. “Very important business to attend to, you know? Keeping up with Potions homework. Maybe Katie can help.”

Not wanting to wait in the kitchen any longer, you start out with Alicia and Angelina not too far behind. Fred calls out your name, once, and then twice when you don’t respond. When you’re out the door, you call back, “Talk to me when you’re sober.”

You, Alicia, and Angelina walk out of the kitchens and through the castle, the energy between the three of you noticeably shifting as anger, hurt, and sadness bubble in your bones. Angie speaks, “(Y/N), you wanna ta-”

“No. I want to watch the stars with my friends. That’s all.”

Alicia and Angelina share a look as you continue to march your way to the astronomy tower, trying to enjoy what is salvageable of your night.

-------------

The next morning, the emotions you felt from last night are only amplified. The night under the stars with Angie and Alicia was lovely, but you couldn’t help your mind from wandering to the sight of Katie next to Fred, his eyes glued on you. You felt sick. You didn’t want to jump to conclusions without hearing the full story, but your gut was telling you something wasn’t adding up. The relationship wasn’t what it used to be, but this...this was something you didn’t think would ever happen.

As you sit up in bed, you run your hands over your face in distress, trying to figure out how to approach the situation. Angelina and Alicia are still fast asleep, so there was no use asking them for advice. You were on your own with this one. 

“Get dressed and then you can think of something,” you whisper to yourself. You hoist your legs over the side of your bed and stand up, stretching your arms out with a yawn. “You can deal with Fred later.”

And as if on cue, there was a knock at your door. You look at the clock. It was only nine in the morning on a Saturday, who was up this early on a day off? Slowly, you make your way to the door and speak from behind it. “Who is it?”

“It’s, uh, me. It’s Fred, (Y/N),” the voice speaks as you close your eyes, silently cursing to yourself. Shit. “We need to talk about last night and what happened in the kitchens.”

You remain behind the door, hand on the door knob, but not moving it. You knew you had to talk to him and sort this whole thing out whether you liked the ending or not. 

“Please, (Y/N).”

Taking a deep breath in, you open the door gently to reveal a messy haired Fred in a t-shirt and sweatpants, still groggy from sleep or lack thereof. He gives you a weak smile, “Good morning, darling.”

But his pet names didn’t bring a smile on your face like they normally did. Instead, they made your stomach sour as you just looked to the floor, pulling your jumper closer to your body. “If you want to talk, we can’t do it here. Angelina and Alicia are sleeping and I’m not disturbing them,” you speak plainly, looking up at Fred with cold eyes. 

He bites the inside of his cheek and speaks, “We can go into my room if that’s alright with you. George and Lee went down for breakfast.”

Even though you would have preferred to have this talk in your own room, your own space, it was better to do it in the privacy of Fred’s rather than having to wake up and shoo Angelina and Alicia, or worse, talk as they were asleep. Begrudgingly, you shut the door behind you and follow Fred to his dormitory, a familiar route to you, but one you’d rather not be taking now. 

The walk there is quiet and awkward. It is obvious that Fred is trying to make light of the situation, asking you how last night was with the girls, asking you about the day in the grass and how the weather was. But instead of engaging in conversation, you just give him one word answers or remain silent. 

When you reach his room, he opens the door for you and you step into his dormitory, immediately feeling like an outsider. It was unfamiliar. This room was where you spent most of your time for so long, but since you hadn’t been here in nearly a month you felt out of place. Like you were disturbing it. You were an intruder. 

Fred taps his legs before sitting on the bed, expecting you to follow suit, but you remain standing in the middle of the room, staring at him in your pajamas. “I just want to apologize for last night and you having to see me like...that,” he sighs as you remain unfazed by his words. “I should have told you that the boys and Katie and I were hanging out instead of telling you that I was working. It was wrong and I feel like shit about it...I’m sorry, love. I really feel like a dickhead,” he apologizes to you as you fold your arms across your chest. “The truth would have been so much easier to tell you rather than lie about something as silly as a group hang out. I just didn’t tell you because the boys were complaining that they never see me anymore because of how much time we spend together and I figured that if I didn’t tell you, you wouldn’t ask.”

You give him a look that just screams, you’re kidding me, right? You were busy hanging out with him? For Merlin’s sake, you hadn’t seen your boyfriend in almost a month and that was his apology? Rather his excuse? “They haven’t seen you? Fred, I haven’t seen you in nearly a month! Every time I try and ask you to hang out with me or even talk to me you have something to do. Quidditch, pulling a prank with George, hanging out with Lee, studying for an exam. Don’t try and make this about me and my demands because it’s not,” you retort to him as he just sits on the bed and stares up at you as you vent. “Not to mention, since when has you dating me ever stood in the way of you hanging out with your friends? If you wanted to hang out with them so badly, then you should have told me and I still would have said yes, Fred! I’m not a monster who wants you all to herself, but Godric, I’m sorry that I’ve miss my boyfriend!”

Fred rubs his face and simply says, “Well, I have been busy over the past couple of weeks, so that’s not rubbish.”

You laugh at his response. “That’s all you have to say for yourself?” you exclaim. “Fred, I’ve been driving myself crazy over the past few weeks wondering what I did wrong. Why you pushed me aside, why you’ve tossed me away like I’m a piece of garbage!”

“That’s not true, (Y/N). Come on,” he shakes his head, looking away from you.

Now, you are getting angry. He was going to pretend like him ignoring you and denying you for a month was nothing. That’s not how things worked. “Yes, it is, Fred and you know it!” you cry out, not realizing how loud you’ve gotten. “I don’t know what is happening between us, but whatever it is, I don’t like it,” you confess.

Maybe it was your emotions talking, but you couldn’t help but feel like Fred didn’t mind the distance between you two. Maybe he liked not being as close. Maybe he wanted to have more alone time away from you. But the thought of losing Fred, someone you had loved so dearly, so intimately, made you feel lightheaded. 

Fred stands up from the bed and you think he’s going to walk over to you and give you a hug, which you know you would gladly accept. You need his comfort right now. You need him to scoop you up and tell you that everything is going to be alright and that he’s sorry for making you feel so lonely and sad. But instead of him telling you all the things you want, no need, to hear, he speaks something different. “Maybe we’re just growing apart,” he suggests.

You turn to face him with so much hurt and pain in your eyes it was enough to shatter his heart twice. Your vision becomes blurry with tears as you swallow, pushing the lump in your throat down, blinking your tears away. What was happening? “We’re w-what?” you stutter.

“Growing apart,” he repeats. “(Y/N), we’re going to be graduating soon and we’re going to have to start thinking about what we want out of life. I don’t know if we want the same things,” he tells you as your heart is ripped out of your chest and stomped on at his words. All you can do is laugh in disbelief. “I’m serious. You always told me how after you graduated here you wanted to go back to school and become a Healer and have a family and move away from England...I just...Merlin, I don’t know how to say this...”

“Then don’t,” you cut him off as Fred looks at you, tears streaming down your face now. What he was saying to you know completely contradicted everything he had told you in the past. When you and Fred spoke of the future, he always spoke of you in it. He told you how he wanted to buy a house in the countryside and raise a big family together and take holiday vacations to America and do weekly visits to the Burrow. Fred always told you that no matter what happened, he wanted you in his future. And now, that was revealed to be a lie. “Fred, I don’t care about Healer school or moving away from England. What I want is you,” you tell him as you feel your chest tighten with pain. Now Fred’s eyes start to blur with tears as you look away from him, pulling at the roots of your hair in distress. It was like he changed overnight. “What...what happened, Fred? What happened that all of a sudden you tell me our futures don’t align?”

Fred wipes tears away from his eyes and takes a deep breath in. “It’s, um, it’s a long story, but um...the joke shoppe...it looks like it’s going to happen,” Fred tells you with a lighthearted chuckle. “Harry gave George and I the winnings from the Triwizard tournament to open up the joke shoppe. It’s happening. That’s why I’ve been distant these past few weeks. George and I have been planning like crazy for it. Testing products, crunching numbers, ordering stock, finding a location in London,” he rambles on. “Last night, the lot of us were testing out an...adult product and we didn’t realize the effects it would have...so that’s why we were like that in the kitchens.” 

His words make your heart swell for a moment. Fred’s dream was coming to fruition. His own joke shoppe. A place he could call his own with his best friend and twin brother. He could finally start creating the life he wanted and you couldn’t be happier for him. Except it seemed like that life he wanted didn’t have you in it. And that’s when your heart stopped swelling.

You nod your head, “That’s...brilliant, Fred. I’m so happy for you. Really. About the joke shoppe...that’s great news.” Fred gives you a hopeful smile, thinking that the worst was over. But it hadn’t even begun. “But, I don’t understand why you had to hide it from me. Did you think I was going to be upset with you? You know that I’ve wanted this for you just as badly as you have,” you tell him with the utmost sincerity which Fred knew to be fact. “You just couldn’t have me know about it for what reason exactly?”

Fred scratches the back of his neck before pacing around his room, trying to avoid the question, but you weren’t going anywhere. “I just...ugh,” he groans and throws his head back. “I just didn’t think that you would be interested. Besides, I need to focus on my work. I can’t have any distractions,” he says this last part without looking at you.

Your stomach is doing somersaults and you feel like you’ve just been lied to your entire relationship. Fred thought that you wouldn’t be interested? How was he going to determine what you were and weren’t interested in? “You’re joking,” you speak. “Fred, I will and always will support everything you do. I can’t believe you’d even think that I wouldn’t be interested in something you are so clearly passionate about,” you tell him as he gulps, knowing he was in the wrong for making such a claim. Even after all of these explanations of him ignoring you and diverting his attention elsewhere, there was something that just didn’t add up. “So, you asked Katie Bell to help test out products with you? Instead of me. Or Angie, who is seeing George. Or Alicia, who Lee has been flirting with since the dawn of time.”

Fred becomes visibly uncomfortable at the mention of Katie’s name and that’s when you shake your head, the whole thing becoming very clear to you know. This wasn’t about the shoppe anymore. This was about something else. “It was never like that, (Y/N),” Fred speaks.

“It was never like that or you never intended for it to happen?” you ask him, your voice cracking as you pace back and forth in his bedroom. He was distant with you because he was falling out of love. That was it. “Good Godric, I feel like I’m going crazy,” you let out a shaky laugh, unable to believe what was happening. The story just kept on unfolding.

Fred walks over to you quickly, trying to calm your fears, “Nothing happened between us! I swear on my life!”

You let out a laugh, “Sure! That makes me feel better!” Fred gulps. “But there was something that was there enough to make you push me away,” you speak lowly as Fred searches your teary eyes for something. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for; hope? forgiveness? love? friendship? You start pacing the room again, the venomous thoughts coming into your head as they vomit out of your mouth, “You know people told me not to get involved with you because you were a flirt, Fred. But I told them that you were different with me. You saw a future with me, but now I am proven wrong,” you tell him as he shakes his head in disbelief, trying to get you to stop talking, but you don’t. The words just tumble out. “I knew you’d love me as long as you wanted. And then someday, you’d leave me for somebody new,” you spill. “I just didn’t think that this someday would come so soon.”

“I don’t want Katie, (Y/N)! I don’t! Godric! I don’t!” he yells out. “(Y/N), I love you! You know that!” he screams as you just cry harder at his words. Over the past month, you didn’t feel his love. It felt like a chore to get an I love you out of him. “I’ve been distant because I’ve been working hard for my dream! My future! Why can’t you understand that I’m working for something I want!” he yells.

And the truth comes out.

Instinctively, you yell back, “Because how am I supposed to understand something you never told me! You never told me about the joke shoppe and your plans for it! Hell, you never told me Harry gave you the money! How am I supposed to support you when you don’t tell me how I can?!” you yell through tears. “Don’t you hear yourself! Your dream! Your future! You want! What about us?”

The both of you are crying now, you covering your mouth to prevent sobs from escaping, Fred sitting on his bed, hanging his head in his hands, sniffling. This all blew up so quickly and neither of you knew how to recover from this. The damage that the past month had caused was enough to put a gaping hole in your relationship that would be very hard to cover up. That was if you wanted to cover it up.

It’s silent for a while. The air is still and untouched. Fred on the edge of his bed, you sitting on the floor, back resting against the door. You want to get up and leave the room. But you don’t. You sit there. And think. 

And then Fred speaks. “Our futures don’t fit together,” he looks at you, eyes swollen and red matching yours. “We’ve tried to make them fit. But it won’t work.”

You laugh and shake your head, “Freddie...then you haven’t listened to anything I’ve ever told you.” He looks at you, twisting his face with confusion. “All I’ve ever wanted was you. I don’t care what happens after we graduate. Healer school was an idea. But you? You were never an idea. You were something I always wanted,” you confess as Fred gives you the saddest smile you’ve ever seen. “But if I’m not in your future...then...” you trail off, unable to finish the sentence. It was a nightmare. 

It’s silent again. 

But the longer you sit in silence, the more angry you get. Not at Fred. But at yourself. If you had known about what he wanted, what Fred wanted, you could have avoided all of his heartbreak and pain. But instead, Fred fed into your fantasy, this dream, this hazy future of yours and you let him. “I’m crazy,” you laugh as Fred look up at you. “I’m crazy for thinking that my love could hold you.”

Fred shakes his head, “No, (Y/N). You’re not. I love you and I always will.”

“Please don’t tell me that,” you close your eyes and bite down on your bottom lip to prevent the tears from falling again. You couldn’t let yourself hope for a future that didn’t exist with Fred. “This was never going to work. I’m crazy for trying,” you breath out before standing and brushing yourself off, Fred rising with you. “I’m crazy for crying,” you wipe away the remaining tears on your face.

Fred walks over to you as you place your hand on the door. “(Y/N),” he starts, “I never wanted us to end like this. You mean so much to me and I can’t just let you go like this,” he starts crying again, but you have to peel your eyes away. “We want to different things and we both deserve to be happy. Don’t you think?” he asks you. But his question sounded like he needed the reassurance from you. That he needed you to tell him that you agreed. To make it seem like you both wanted this break up.

Looking at Fred once more before you leave, you say, “We do want different things. You want your dream and I want you. But I can’t pretend like I’m happy that we are going our separate ways.” Fred nods his head, wiping his tears away. “I need space. And time. Away from you, Fred.”

And with that, you leave his room and start down the stairs back to your dormitory. You hide your face as best as you can from passing Gryffindor students, trying to be as incognito as possible. As you walk back to your room, you can’t help but think back on all of the happier times that you and Fred shared and think was it a lie? Was it all for show? It would be something that would keep you up at night. 

You were crazy about Fred Weasley, that was for certain. But even crazier for loving someone who didn’t want you as badly as you wanted them.

Walking up the stairs, you look out the window to see the fresh spring countryside. Admits all the chaos, the flowers were still blooming, the grass still growing, and the sun still shining. Spring was still here and new as ever. The snow had melted away to reveal the fruitful, lush land. A new start. Maybe it was time for you to have one too. 

[watermelonlipstick]

Losing

This was written as a request for the eternally lovely @samwisethegr8​. Hope you like it, baby! Idk where the chipmunk stuff came in, I must’ve had forests on the brain or something. As always, I’d love any advice or critiques!!

Title: Losing

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 3283

Summary: Losing her hair following a spell makes it challenging for the reader to feel like herself. 

Warnings: swearing, fluff, hair loss

           Dean knows better, by now, than to say anything about the beanie you straighten as you get into the backseat, giving you some soft eyebrows in the rearview mirror that are maybe worse than if he’d kept joking about it. Typical, for the spell making your hair shed like some cartoon pulling out fists in a temper tantrum to be one of the few you’d seen hang on after the casting witch died. You’d been doing research for weeks now on ways to get it back with nothing to show for your efforts except a few stomachaches from attempted potions (and one influencer-inspired collagen and ACV concoction you’d dumped out after feeling ridiculous). Sam had convinced you that getting back into the swing of things might make you feel better, and was trying a little too hard to be cheerful next to his brother in the front seat.

           “The weather’s so nice today—sometimes you forget how good the sun feels, being in the bunker for a while.” He flashes a smile over to Dean expectantly, willing him to say something encouraging too. Dean looks exasperated for a fleeting second before relenting.

           “Yeah, uh, great day for a drive.” You catch the tail end of his tiny eye roll in the rearview mirror.

           “If you guys are going to treat me like an invalid I’m out of here.”

           “Invalid? I just think it’s a nice day out,” Sam says, trying for indignancy through his put-on ignorance and not quite hitting it. Looking back at you over his shoulder, he’s able to hold onto it for about 2 seconds of eye contact before his face relaxes into more familiar kindness. “Okay, fine, sorry. I’m just happy you’re coming.”

           He’s unphased by your glare back at him, keeps up the sympathetic puppy dog eyes because he knows your snark is coming from a pit of frustration and self-consciousness. Just like Dean’s tenderness of omission in not saying anything about it today, it’s simultaneously comforting and annoying. You feel a lump forming in your throat. “Stop looking at me like that.”

           “Like what?” Sam seems a little hurt.

           “Like I’m dying or something. Both of you. I’m serious, you’re making it so much worse.”

           Dean catches your eyes in the reflection. “Kid, you just seem so fuckin’ bummed. It’s only hair, it’s probably even going to grow back.”

           “Easy for you to say, you’re not going fucking bald! So, are we going or are we doing group therapy in the driveway all day?” You can hear that you’re being too harsh but can’t muster up the energy to stop, flopping into the seatback with your jacket balled in your lap. Sam and Dean exchange a look and Dean turns the key in the ignition.

           It really is a nice day, sun streaming through the windows of the Impala and cutting the still-slightly-chilly spring air just enough to be pleasant. You make a conscious effort to let go of your indignation, counting farm houses on the way out of town as a sort of meditation. Dean starts singing along to the Deep Purple tape playing, and when he catches a glimpse of your smirk he really hams it up, banging out the drum line on the steering wheel and pulling faces that would make Billy Idol jealous. After a few bars you can’t help yourself and start to laugh, the excited accomplishment that breaks through Dean’s act to light up his eyes sending a pang right to your heart. He holds his fist up in a facsimile of an invisible microphone to Sam, who plays along. By the end of the next song the Impala is rocking like Madison Square Garden, radio up so loud you can barely hear your own thoughts as you scream-sing until you’re laughing so hard you can barely catch your breath. The music changes over the next few hours,  the volume turned down for snippets of conversation or debriefing about the upcoming case from Sam then back up for one of Dean’s favorite B-sides, and by the time the sun is going down you’re genuinely only thinking of how hungry you are while Dean turns into a diner that stands alone sharing a parking lot with a strip mall.

           Dean’s two steps toward the restaurant by the time Sam has the back door opened to offer his hand to you. He looks surprised when you don’t take it right away, standing there awkwardly for an extended beat with his palm outstretched and his head tilted like a curious dog.

           “I’m not going in.”

           Through the windshield you can see Dean stop and turn back toward the car, jamming his hands in his jacket pockets like he thinks he’ll be waiting in the chilly evening for a while. Sam wraps his fingers around the top of the door and runs his other hand through his hair. “Babe, come on, it’s just some stupid diner. No one will even notice.”

           “Sam, I’ll notice. Forget it. I’ll wait here, you guys go—grab me a sandwich or something.”

           His lips tighten into a sympathetic but frustrated line and he looks over the car to his brother, who shrugs without taking his hands out of his pockets. Loud enough that you can hear him through the windows and around the car, Dean calls out, “How’re you planning on talking to the sheriff if you won’t even walk into a diner, hot shot?”

           You match his volume. “Good point—I’m not planning on talking to the sheriff, I’m staying in the motel.”

           Sam takes a deep breath and winces. “You don’t know anyone here and we’ll never see them again. You’ve gotta eat something. Please?”

           “You’re not the fuckin’ Elephant Man, you’re a chick wearing a hat,” Dean offers loudly, absolutely not helping. Sam shoots him a look that says as much and clenches his jaw. Dean shrugs and opens his jacket with pocketed hands as if to say ‘what?’ Sam jerks his chin toward the diner and Dean nods, spinning lazily on his heel to walk in alone. When Sam moves forward, you slide over on the bench seat to allow him to sit next to you in the backseat.

           “It’s just hair.” He says, low and soothing, just above a whisper. “You’re still the same person.”

           You let your head roll back onto the seat behind you. “You don’t get it—my hair was the only pretty thing about me.”

           Sam’s face contorts in disbelief like you’ve just told him not only are unicorns real, but you have one in your duffel bag. “What?”

           “You heard me,” you repeat, training your eyes Dean through the diner window, winking at a woman in her mid-twenties whose cheeks are full and cherubic under bright, friendly eyes. You can see even from here that she bites the inside of her lip to keep from beaming back at him, holding onto his gaze for a beat longer than necessary before taking her tiny notepad back to the kitchen.

           Sam shifts to put himself more directly in your line of sight. “Baby, the pretty thing about you is you. These hands are beautiful because they’re yours, because they, I don’t know, put an extra dryer sheet in with the laundry so it smells amazing, scratch Dean’s back when he can’t fall asleep. Your eyes are the first ones I want to see every day, not only because they’re beautiful—and don’t argue with me about this for once, please—but because they’re the same ones that always seem to notice that last symbol we’re looking for after I’ve read a stupid book of runes 400 times. Your lips—” he pauses, touching your lower lip with his thumb so light it could be a feather, “—are beautiful because they’re the only ones that I can hear your voice through. Was your hair beautiful? Of course. And it’ll be beautiful again.”

           “You don’t kno—”

           He rolls his eyes. “I do know, but even if it isn’t, you’ll still be you. You can borrow mine if you want.” Sam’s eyes are so earnest, so sweet as a tiny smile tugs at his mouth, that you can’t help yourself as you lean forward and press your lips to his. The way he kisses you back is such naked affection and relief, slipping a hand around the side of your neck to cradle your jaw, that it’s hard not to believe it’s how he really feels. 

           The moment is broken when Dean opens the driver’s side, startling you enough to take a sharp intake of breath against Sam’s cheek. “Quit sucking face and look alive,” he says, nonplussed as he hooks an arm over the front seat to hand you a paper bag filled with Styrofoam boxes.

           “That was, ah, fast,” Sam replies, and it’s almost steady enough to hide the stammer.

           “3 BLTs, not like they fucking built the Great Wall. Waitress in there said there’s a motel in the next town over, 10 minute drive.” He waits until you have the bag supported with a hand on the bottom and one taking the handle from him. Sam squeezes your thigh once before slinking back into the front seat, but Dean’s eyes stay trained on you. “Touch my fries and die.”

           You manage to keep your mitts off everyone’s fries until you pull into Walnut Suites a few minutes later, thinking to yourself it sounds like some kind of hotel for squirrels and hope sort of absentmindedly it’s one of the kinds of motels that decorates to a theme; even when they’re stupid—maybe especially when they’re stupid—anything to break up the monotony of thousands of motel rooms over the years is welcome in your book. Sam coming out of the office dangling a room key attached to a plastic walnut is evidence that you might be in luck, and you grab the food as you get out of the backseat.

           Dean already has your duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “This feels light; you bring your gun?”

           You wait a second to see if he’ll figure it out himself, but Dean only raises his eyebrows and juts his chin out like you haven’t heard him. “Hardly need a blow dryer now, do I?”

           If there was more light in the parking lot you’d probably have been able to see Dean’s cheeks flush as he cleared his throat to cover. “Uh, right. Do still need a gun though, so as long as you’ve got that.” He offers Sam his bag and shuts the trunk as his little brother reaches the parked car.

           “Apparently we’re in the chipmunk room.” Sam’s going for above-it-all but he knows you secretly like this kind of shit and drops the key into your palm with a wink. “It’s the only one with queens instead of fulls.”

           “Whatever,” Dean grumbles. “I’m hungry enough I’d eat a damn chipmunk.”

           “What does that even mean?” Sam asked, annoyed in a way only a sibling can be as the brothers trail after you to the room.

           “That I’m fucking hungry, what do you think?”

           “A chipmunk is like, the smallest animal you could possibly say. It doesn’t make any sense; anyone could eat a chipmunk.”

           “You trying to chow down on a chipmunk kabob, Sammy? Aren’t you like 99% vegan now? It’s the principle of the thing.”

           Sam rolls his eyes in over the top sarcasm. “Yeah, I’m vegan now, that’s why I’m about to eat a BLT with mayo, dumbass.”

           “Bacon doesn’t count. And it’s about timing; you said chipmunk room, I said I could eat a chi—you know what, I’m not explaining this to you. You either understand comedy or you don’t.”

           As you open the door, the light from the room illuminates Sam’s bitch face kicking back on his neck. Winchester bickering had already put a smirk on your lips but the décor was everything chintzy you could’ve hoped for; forest embroidered quilts on the beds and a chain of hand-holding chipmunks that appeared to be hand painted in a waist-high border around the walls. The bed frames were made of those stripped logs that could look very chic in otherwise minimalistic Scandinavian architecture, but here they looked impossibly cute and dorky with chipmunk stuffed perched on each bedpost. Dean seems not to notice any of it at all, throwing his duffel on the bed closest to the door and snatching the bag of food out of your hand.

           The three of you eat watching Alf while sprawled on various furniture. When the half-hour flips the programming over to Mork and Mindy, you offer Dean the rest of your fries and get up to stretch your back. “Either of you dying to use the bathroom? I want a shower.”

           Both shake their heads so you grab your ditty bag and head to the reasonably sized bathroom, trying not to be startled at the large Chip and Dale portrait painted onto the back of the door that reveals itself in the mirror when you go to set your things down. It’s clean and the water pressure is good, which is far more than you can say for many similar places you’ve stayed in, and you linger in the shower longer than you need to, shaving your legs twice for an excuse to stay under the water and out from under the oppressive weight of your self-consciousness here where the boys can’t see you. Washing your remaining hair as quickly as possible and chuckling once, mirthlessly, at the lingering reflex to squirt the amount you used to need into your palm, you finally leave the shower with only momentary nausea at the amount of hair you have to grab from the drain to let the water empty. For the ever-growing list of pros and cons for shaving your head you’d been building in your head: no more shucking these sopping hairballs into tacky little wastebins across America. You wrap a towel into a turban around your head more as a reflex of propriety than anything, marveling again at the amount of rituals there are—were—around hair. Maybe being unburdened by that would be freeing. And it feels sentimental in an annoying pseudo-useless way staying attached to the hair that remains, like lingering in the victimization of this stupid spell when you could just as easily shave your head and be done with it, become some kind of Tank Girl badass version of yourself and pretend you’re too cool and tough to care about girly shit like ponytails and the way Sam held his nose to the crown of your head sometimes, took a deep inhale of you and smiled so you could feel it laid on top of your hair like a tiara more precious than any you could imagine. In any case it won’t be right now, so you throw the loose t-shirt you’d gotten from your bag over the towel on your head and slip on some athletic shorts before heading out to the room.

           You were in the shower for even longer than you thought because Dean is in his standard “just-before-sleeping-on-the-road” outfit, having lost the flannel he wore that day as well as his belt. The jeans will come off just before he gets in bed, pooled on the floor with neatly set boots beside the mattress so he can jump into them like a firefighter if he needs to, an old habit that you’d stopped making fun of the Winchesters for when it actually had come in handy a few times. Sam usually folds the jeans and sets them on top of his boots next to your bed. Dean grabs one of your hands and flips it over for inspection as you walk by. “Surprised you’re not a raisin. Going to send this county into a drought.”

           You roll your eyes good-naturedly and toss your toiletries on your bag as you head to your bed, watching Sam brush his teeth in the kitchenette sink. Dean follows with a tight handful of clean tee and boxers as Sam comes back to you, the younger Winchester grabbing the back of his collar to tug off his t-shirt and toss it on top of his bag in one fluid motion before folding back the sheets and getting in. Over your shoulder, the shower turns on and you can hear Dean humming through the door. The beanie you’d taken off was exactly where you’d left it, and you flipped your head over to take off the towel on your head and replace it with the hat as inconspicuously as possible.

           “Babe, you don’t—” Sam starts softly, stopping when he sees you turn back to him with your jaw set.

           “Can we just go to sleep?” you reply, almost succeeding at keeping the sting out of your voice. He bites his lip and nods mostly to himself, flicking the covers on your side back in invitation. You crawl in, turning your back to him partly to be wrapped up by the warm shell of his body and partly so he can’t see your face. A large hand covers your hand where it lays on your sternum, intertwining your fingers in his and pulling you back into him a touch. After a long minute of listening to the shower-dampened noise of Dean going through Skynyrd���s greatest hits, you feel Sam’s voice through the knit on your head.

           “I feel like we’re camping.”

           “What?” you ask, genuinely confused.

           “You wearing a hat to bed, you only do that when it’s freezing.”

           “I really don’t want to tal—”

           “I know you don’t, but I just…you’ve been boxing me out for weeks now. Listen, I know I don’t get it, I know it’s not the same as if it had happened to me, and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, but I don’t care about your hair. I mean—fuck—not like that, I care about it because I care that it’s affecting you, but I just wish I could get you to understand that nothing about the way I think of you has changed. You’re always going to be the sweet, funny, badass girl I’m beyond lucky lets me hang around. It’s like this spell took your hair but the real punishment is putting this wall up around you.”

           You take a deep breath to steady your voice and realize there’s no way you’re going to be able to talk without it cracking, instead just yanking the hat off your head and letting it fall to the ground beside Sam’s jeans. He hesitates for a second before pressing his face to you, and you can feel the smile against your scalp. It’s a struggle, but you manage not to wince when he kisses a spot you know is effectively completely bald.

           “You smell good,” he murmurs against you, and you don’t know why it’s that simple statement, after all the flowery poetic things he’s said for weeks and especially today, but there’s something about the total acceptance, no hint of the disgust you thought was inevitable no matter how hard he tried to insist wasn’t there, that melts you. It’s enough to unwrap some of the defensive prickliness you’ve built up, and the amount of emotional energy you’ve been putting into keeping it there dissolves the way it sometimes does the second your body realizes the adrenaline of a hunt is no longer needed and you crash in the backseat of the Impala. The heat from Sam’s body and the delicate sound of his heavy breathing on your neck puts you to sleep before Dean’s out of the shower.

-

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[azucanela]

being sokka’s s/o would include hcs?

BEING SOKKA’S S/O HEADCANNONS [GENDER NEUTRAL!READER]

being zuko’s s/o headcannons | being korra’s s/o headcannons

SUMMARY: being sokka’s s/o from the confession to the marriage

WORD COUNT: 2.3k

WARNINGS: mild lok spoiler, fluff, kissing, do these count as warnings, yeah this is pretty pg man, blood, stab wound, sokka being sokka

A/N: im sick and dying h e l p, but also interact with me im lonely, become and elusive anon idc <3 also wow i have 500 followers??? idk why you all followed me?? but thanks?? hi??

getting into the relationship

oh god 

i see him with a friends to lovers thing where he either flirts with you from the moment he meets you or progressively begins to fall for you and is far to flustered to flirt because woah there why are you so beautiful

if its the former, then he’s probably gonna be ‘joking’ for the most part and you know this, so you two are just playfully flirting all the time until one day he realizes that he wants this to be REAL and panics 

when you flirt the first time he’s flustered, because he’s really just not used to the same level of forwardness that he has himself, but after a while Sokka is gonna get used to it and he’ll just roll with it

but when he realizes he wants more? he’s gonna be flustered all over again, and he’s probably gonna flirt with you signifigantly less, which is gonna cause you to confront him, much to his dismay, because oh no he’s alone with you-

“oh! haha.. hey y/n. yeah i need to go sharpen my boomerang-”

“sokka that’s not something you can do.”

when you confront him, he’s probably gonna be honest with you and tell you how he feels because he really cares for you and just wants you to calm down because no he does n o t hate you

“do you hate me or something now?”

“uh.. it’s the opposite actually you see-”

if its the latter, he’s gonna go from really calm and chill around you, because of the friendly vibes and such like cracking jokes and such, to a complete and utter mess

you two are really close as friends and that isn’t something he wants to mess up but he’s definitely gonna confess at some point because he’s not one to bottle his emotions up and hates how weird things are between the two of you now that he’s realized he likes you

in general i see sokka as a mess around whoever he likes, until he comes to terms with the fact that he likes them, and this likely won’t take long, he’s pretty in tune with his emotions

he’s not gonna wanna ask you out at first, in all honesty, i see sokka’s whole confidence thing as a facade, because in actuality he has really low self esteem and genuinely sees himself as the “extra” member of team avatar because he lacks bending and everyone around him is so talented that he sometimes forgets he is literally super smart and makes all the plans that save their lives on the daily

just things you are too good for him, especially if you are a bender

if you start hinting that you like him too, he is initially gonna think it is a joke until you start getting bold and then it’s gonna hit him like everyone hits the cabbage man’s cart

i can see either of you confessing first, if Sokka does, he’s probably gonna be really bashful and flustered about it, but he’s also gonna try and act cool because thats like his trademark

if you confess first, he’s gonna be in shock temporarily, but then he’s gonna jump right into things because you like him BACK omgomgomgomg 

he’s gonna wanna kiss you right after the confession, and it’ll probably backfire because he got really excited and ended up headbutting you and now you have a bruise forming on your head and a very apologetic sokka oops

in general, quickly recognizes his feelings and confesses shortly after, because he just hates the weird tension even if he thinks he’s the only one feeling it, even though hes NOT

during the relationship

so

a really attentive boyfriend, you will never feel neglected, he’s a very clingy person who gets intimate with you all the time, so if you like affection you got it

kissing him is nice, he’s good at it 10/10 recommend, always wants to hold you as close as possible, prefers a hand on your hip/lowerback and another on your face or neck to pull you closer

if you don’t like affection, he’ll express his love in other ways

for example, cooking, i see sokka as someone who can either cook REALLY well, or not at all. there is no in between. 

genuinely just really wants to make you happy

the type to bully you if you’re in a relationship, pls bully him back, humble this man. he’s gonna roast you but he doesn’t really mean it okay, he’s just doesn’t want things to change between you

loves that his best friend is his lover, would not want it any other way

probably forgets to tell the gaang you are dating and like aang and toph are gonna catch you two kissing or smth and sokka’s just gonna be like oh hey guys and they are both like ???

"when did this happen?”

“wym lol”

if you two are together during the war, he’s gonna wanna be by your side like 24/7 because he does not want you to die, like this lowkey stresses him so much that he will subconsciously, when developing battle plans either put you in the safest possible spot or by his side, and its because he has literally lost so many people he’s care for and now he’s distressed

remind him that he matters and is important to the team, because he forget that sometimes and falls into a mood, where he’s all sad and stuff and it just makes you sad so like

tell him he matters, because he does, tell him he’s great even if he can’t bend, and tell him he is a fantastic and brilliant leader, this will serve as an ego boost though so be prepared to humble him

steal his hair ties and do all of us a favor okay, just steal them, burn them because no littering, just make sure he cannot find them! he will walk around with his hair down in confusion, searching for them before he starts the day

speaking of starting the day, you always wake up first, this man is not a morning person and needs his beauty sleep, definitely have a 17 step skin care routine, change my mind, he is big on self care and will make sure you participate with him because he cares about you

speaking of care he knows you so well since you are his s/o so if he notices something is up he will not hesitate to confront you, and will ask if you want solutions or just someone to listen to

prefers solving the problem though

back to mornings, um have fun waking up to sokka with his hair down that sounds HEAVENLY um

mild lok spoilers but sokka ends up chief, and gets involved in politics over time, so he kinda runs out of time for you a bit until he figures out how to organize his time better, then he gets kinda sad, but he still wants to take you out on dates as often as possible ok no more spoilers

so speaking of dates, sokka wants weekly dates, this is a must, does not care if it is a fancy restaurant, cooking at home, or a picnic. he loves picnics most though, and please notice how food is the common factor here

sokka would never cheat on you but if he did he would cheat with food

arguments aren’t rare, but they are mostly over dumb stuff and you both know its dumb stuff so for the most part its a joke, but sometimes someone takes things too far so then apologies are necessary

like actual argument arguments are mostly rare because sokka doesn’t wanna pick fights with you and he’s fairly passive unless he feels really strongly about something

he can be REALLY MEAN THOUGH AND PETTY like wow sokka will go days without talking to you because of a fight

he can and will apologize first when he realizes the toll its taking on your relationship, probably will apologize first

if you catch him being a misogynist put him in his place :)

 he thinks you are hot when you are angry and might pick a fight with you just for that reason, pls make out with him

marriage n’ stuff

im still waiting for someone to explain what weddings are like guys please

anyways he’s gonna realize he wants to marry you when he nearly dies and is like wow life is really short also lets discuss him losing all the important people he’s loved in his life one more time, he does not want to lose you!!!

ever!!!

so he’s gonna nearly die and then be like i need to propose, like now, i cannot die without being married to the literal love of my life so i should do that literally the moment i get home instead of getting medical attention first

yeah he is the smart one, but he lacks common sense, so i hope you got a LOT of common sense. y’all do be sharing a braincell

stops by a ring shop place, and the moment he just feels like he saw the one, price does NOT matter he has purchased it and is now heading home to you

you on the other hand are PANICKING because what do you mean sokka just ran out of the hospital with no explanation and is nowhere to be found katara

what do you mean you thought he would be h e r e

yes katara went over to your house to see if sokka was there and he is not!!!

yet ;)

there is like a manhunt for sokka and he has yet to notice because mans has tunnel vision and as he opens the door to your shared apartment he does not expect to see a crying katara and oh no-

“SOKKA! YOU’RE NOT DEAD?!”

hes like of course im not dead what the hell

you’re seated standing next to Katara trying to console her when you see sokka and wow you are relieved to see he is not dead or kidnapped

“SOKKA DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW WORRIED I WAS-”

lol he’s kissing you to shut you up how cute, now leave katara you are infringing on an extremely pivotal moment of this relationship

honestly seeing you comforting his sister just makes him love you more and he kinda just wants to marry you 10x more now 

you pull away from the kiss looking at him like what are you doing, and katara is like, “Sokka where the hell were you??? you have a stab wound???” and now you’re like WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH

“stabbed? sokka you need medical attention-”

“to answer your question dear sister, i was getting a ring for your hopefully soon to be sister in law.”

“EXCUSE ME?” you are so confused, katara is confused and is now realizing that she was probably not supposed to be here

sokka is already dropping down onto one knee and pulling out the just bought ring as saying, “marry me!” now he’s high on adrenaline and pain has yet to hit him and he’s kinda just sitting there beaming up at you despite the blood seeping out of him at a rapid rate

“im sorry what?” thats katara girl be quiet they are trying to have a MOMENT

anyways you’re like, “sokka. hospital.”

and he’s like, “answer me first” and he’s giving you a weak lil smile as he realizes how stupid he was and he’s about to stand back up but you put a hand on his shoulder and just nod.

now he’s back to beaming so brightly, and he’s putting the ring on your finger and oh no- he’s passed out. is it from excitement or bloodloss? idk

he also might pass out before hearing you answer and then at the hospital you’re kinda sitting there like, “ARE YOU DUMB STUPID OR DUMB. YOU COULD HAVE DIED.”

and he’s like, “not without hearing your answer” <3<3 heart eyes emojis everywhere

alternatively, he is one of few people i could see having a public proposal, with lots of flowers, a band, fireworks, the whole nine yards

he’s gonna want it flashy

something probably goes wrong and he nearly cries but you say yes anyways and he throws a party after

anyways the actual wedding is preferably public, but if you want a more private one then he does what you want because he loves you most

he is gonna be very active in wedding planning, wants to try the foods and desserts and appetizers and everything especially. wants to do the weird stuff like picking napkins with you and flower arrangements and all that stuff i think this happens idk someone please inform me

this stuff just makes him fall in love with you more tbh, and he’s just so so sure he wants to marry you 

his vows will make HIM cry, like he is going to cry when he sees you walk down the aisle, he’s going to cry when he reads his own vows, and he’s going to cry when you read your vows, it doesn’t matter if they are lowkey bad

makes jokes in his vows because he is a nerd but can barely reach the punchline because he is in tears

fr though he is just so happy to be marrying you and wow you look REALLY GOOD in whatever you are wearing um damn okay you really went off

married life with sokka is elite ngl, mans cooks for you, he probably cleans sometimes, but otherwise chores are fairly divided 

he spoils you

overall sokka is a real great s/o and he gives you everything you deserve and yeah marry sokka 2020 everyone deserves a sokka 

taglists[lmk if you wanna be added or removed via askbox or replies]

atla:  @bubblebars @jada-cleo @Art-flirt @the-deli-meat @wemissyou3000 @ajediherowitchrunner 

sokka: @iammello

[oh-boy-me]

Obey Me! Card Planning Tips

Hello!  This game causes us all a lot of pain and suffering, but I’m MANAGING (?), so I thought I’d give what I’d consider some tips to maybe make things feel slightly more possible for you :)

I’ll split it into three parts and put it all under a read more.

Team Strength Calculation

Team Preparation

General Tips for Resources and Daily DP

Part 1: Team Strength Calculation

Each stage has 2 sins tied to it, as you’ve probably noticed.  In chapters 1-20, the stats of these two sins are boosted for ALL cards (character and support) by 15%.*

In chapters 1-20, your team’s strength is calculated with the following formula:

Strength = 1.15(AttributeSin1Total) + 1.15(AS2Total) + Other5SinsTotal

For example, let’s look at Lesson 10-20, which is a Gluttony/Lust battle.  My team is composed of Pandas Mean Profit (Greed), A Special Ceremony (Lust), and Colorful Panic (Pride).  And I’m using zero support cards just so I only have to add up 3 numbers.

Strength = 1.15(24338) + 1.15(34921) + 122736 = 190884**

Keep in mind that the buffs only apply to the attribute sin scores.  If the battle is Gluttony/Lust, the Pride scores will stay at their base values.  This is the case for all lessons up through chapter 20, both normal and hard mode.

However, from Lesson 21 onwards, there are two changes.  One, there is a primary sin and a secondary sin for each battle, marked by which icon is bigger in the preparation screen.  (There always has been, but now it matters which is which.)  In boss battles, both are primary.  Second, the buffs have changed drastically.

Every card has its main sin, obviously, and its strength in that sin is the strongest.  However, they still have strength in the other 6 sins as well.  There are two non-main sins that a card is very strong in, two that it is average in, and two that it is terrible in.

The percent increase is now dependent on how good a card is in the battle's two attribute sins.  (Remember that these buffs still only affect that sin, not the card’s total strength.)

If a card is the same sin as the battle’s primary sin, that sin gets a 160% buff

If a card is the same sin as the battle’s secondary sin, that sin gets a 90% buff

If a card’s second or third best sin is the battle’s primary sin, that sin gets a 30% buff

If a card’s second or third best sin is the battle’s secondary sin, that sin gets a 10% buff

Any sins lower than third best no longer get a buff

I’m not going to make a formula this time because it’s too long and situational.  But let’s look at that same 3-card team again, this time with Lesson 21-5, a Lust/Gluttony stage in that order.

Pandas Mean Profit has an average Lust score, so it gets no bonus.  Its Gluttony is its 3rd best sin, so that gets a 10% buff (10752 > 11827)

A Special Ceremony is a Lust card, so its Lust gets a 160% buff (17308 > 45000).  Its Gluttony sucks, though, so that doesn’t get a bonus.

Colorful Panic has Lust as its second best sin, so it gets a 30% buff (10423 > 13549).  Gluttony is its third best, so that gets a 10% buff too (9866 > 10852).

With the new system, the team’s Lust score has skyrocketed from 40158 to 65739.  However, its Gluttony score dropped from 27987 to 26399.

This means that the sins of your cards suddenly matter more in battle.  (And honestly I don’t think that’s a bad thing.  I know people complain that it makes it harder, but.  If my Comedy team in A3! is made entirely of Action/Drama cards with poor Comedy, I shouldn’t expect that team to do well.  Idk why people think that shouldn’t apply to Obey Me.)  Which brings us to part 2.

By the way, colored glow sticks raise the card’s total strength by 10%, and rainbow glow sticks raise it by 30%.

* It’s actually like 14.99% but it’s effectively the same.  The “slightly under but so close that I’m just rounding for significant figures” thing will be consistent for all of these buffs.

** The actual in-game strength is 190881, 3 points off due to the .99% thing.

Part 2: Team Preparation

I’m so sorry.  But someone has to say it.  Are you listening?  Great.

URs aren’t automatically better than SSRs.  Honestly, they never were.  They ESPECIALLY aren’t now.  You’re not losing the battle because you’re using SSRs.  You’re losing the battle because you’re throwing Wrath cards at a Sloth opponent.

Morning Voice is an Envy SSR card.  My copy of the card is only level 10, and in a Lesson 21+ Envy battle, its Envy score is 6866.

What is my Level 90 UR Colorful Panic’s Envy score in the same battle?

3489.

Colorful Panic is a higher rarity and 80 levels higher.  It has worse Envy.  Why?  Because Envy is its worst sin.

Obviously you aren’t going to be using a level 10 card in a battle, so for a more realistic standpoint, my copy of Resentment Runs Deep (SSR Envy) has 46108 Envy in the same battle.  That’s 13x better than the UR.

I’ll repeat it one more time before I move on.  The sin scores of a card are far more important than the rarity of the card.  A random SR card of the right sin is better than a UR with no sin bonus.  The most impressive thing about a UR is how hard it is to get one.

Anyway, what does this mean?  Is it hopeless?

Well, if you wanted to binge all three seasons within the first month of playing, yes.  But let’s assume that’s not the case.  (Side note, but the feeling that our cards are never good enough is definitely exacerbated by the aggressive speed at which they release new lessons combined with the fandom’s apparent allergy to spoiler warnings, but that’s a point for another post maybe.)

Remember that having URs isn’t actually all that important.  Now remember the sheer amount of SSRs they release since they also aggressively release events.  Also remember that with every 10-pull, you’ll get at least one SSR+.  (Also remember to never do single pulls; they're not worth it at all.)  If you’re really struggling with a lot of battles, here’s how you can improve your scores while focusing on as few cards as possible.

Open an Excel document or Google Sheets page and make a chart that looks something like this:

[Image Description: An 8x8 Excel sheet.  The columns are labelled with each of the seven deadly sins, and the rows are labelled Cards 1 through 3 and Support 1 through 3, with a blank row in between.  The rest of the sheet is blank.]

Now choose a card you want to use.  Doesn’t matter why you want to use it, maybe you like how it looks, maybe you worked really hard to get it, maybe you like its ability, maybe it’s just your current strongest card.  I don’t care.  For my chart I’m gonna use Pandas Mean Profit because it’s really pretty and I got it from the 100-pull pity reward.

Look at your card’s top 3 sins and put them into the chart.  For the character cards, note who the card is, because you can’t double up.  For reference later, also note whether it’s 1st, 2nd or 3rd best.  (Be sure to do this through Contacts and not a battle so there are no buffs skewing the scores.)

Once that’s in, choose another card you like for a different sin and input that card’s top 3 sins.  Envy is still completely empty, so I’ll put Resentment Runs Deep in next.  It’s an SSR, but I really love the Refresh Team ability.  Do this for one character card and one support card of each sin at first, if you can.  It doesn’t matter what level they are right now.  Then fill in whatever blanks you have with cards that specialize in that sin.

If a sin comes up more than 3 times, keep whichever ones are strongest in that sin without overlapping characters.  Play around with it until you get something that works for you.  Keep note of the sins you’re lacking cards for.

[Image Description: The same Excel Sheet as before, except filled in with various Obey Me card names.  The cells in rows 2 through 4 are color coded to match the character of the card.  Each cell marks in parentheses how strong the card is in the sin of the column it’s in from 1 to 3.]

Mine looks like this.  This chart isn’t perfect (if you look, none of my cards had Envy as a good non-main sin, and Pandas and Bunny have too much overlap for the same character), but it works as a rushed example.  I used the cell colors to mark the characters.

Are these the teams you should be using for each battle?  No, obviously not.  First off there’s no single-sin battle, and second off the game will still build the teams for you.

BUT, this greatly lowers the amount of cards you need to pour resources into.  Instead of 42 cards, with this chart I only have to focus on 18 cards in order to be guaranteed that all my cards get at least a SLIGHT boost in each battle.  The best-case scenario would drop it down to 14 cards.

Later on, once you’ve managed the cards on your chart, the next thing to do would be to find main sin cards to replace those that are only third best in their sin.  On mine I’d definitely focus on a Gluttony character card next, but in general Sloth is the one you want to be the most proactive about.

That should help you get through at least Season 2.  Season 3 is admittedly where the difficulty actually IS ridiculous, but Season 2 really isn’t as hard as we’ve been saying.  It just requires more planning than “the first three URs I ever got.”

I do still apologize for the resources and Grimm it’ll take, though :’)

Part 3: General Tips for Resources and Daily DP

This section is just some extra tidbits to help you have the resources to get cards and upgrade them.

[Image Description: The “hard to swallow pills” meme.  The pills read “You don’t need every single card and unless you’re a whale eventually you’re going to have to prioritize some events and ignore others or you’ll never have the resources to improve the cards you already have.”]

However, events ARE good for farming Grimm, so it’s not the end of the world if you want every SSR.  The only issue will come up when you need hard mode items and never have any AP, but it’s manageable.

If you’re going to log in more than once throughout the day, you can do the 2-1 job distribution.  If not, do three jobs with one character each so you get the daily task done

To save money for leveling up your good cards, complete the devil tree daily mission with N-rank cards.

Use vouchers over DP whenever you can (and use Raven to get vouchers).  The 99 DP level-up sale IS worth it if you can afford it, because that’s like 50% off a 10-pull once you do two.

I’m not certain, but I THINK skill level also influences how often an ability activates?  I feel like my Lv 10 SSR cards activate often but my Lv 1 URs never do.  So if you’re relying on an ability, the permanent SSRs might be worth looking at over limited time cards.

Anyway, I hope this helps at all in our mutual suffering.

[foilfreak]

BEAUTY AND HER BEAST: Chapter 8

WARNING PLZ READ BEFORE CONTINUING: This fic is rated NSFW and contains graphic depictions of things some people may find disturbing or alarming, including, but not limited to: violence, gore, unhealthy family relationships, Oedipus complexes, gratuitous amount of pornographic literature, ableist language, physical, mental, and emotional abuse, etc. If you are someone who does not enjoy fiction with these elements in them, then I suggest you refrain from reading this, because this fic will have all that, and probably a lot more. So, this is your first and final warning to turn around and go somewhere else if stuff like this just isn't your vibe, because from this point forward, your emotional wellbeing is in your own hands, and I will not be accepting blame if you disregarded my warnings and ended up reading something you didn't like. Idk why I feel compelled to write one of these despite this being Resident Evil fanfic, but I figured I'd cover my ass just in case.

(AO3 Link Below:)

Several days had passed since Salvatore had sought out both his younger sisters, requesting items like jewelry or clothing they’d be willing to part with that Salvatore could gift to Nadine, as a sort of soft and informal introduction to ease the young woman’s mind and prove he meant her no harm.

The plan seems to be going rather well, as far as Salvatore can tell. Nadine found the gifts he’d laid out for her rather easily, and even correctly wondered if the person who lived here had left them for her purposefully. She seemed wary of the items for a time, though she seemed pretty wary of everything in the reservoir at the moment, but eventually she deemed them safe enough to accept, throwing the long white nightgown Salvatore had procured from Donna over her petit azure frame, and strapping the delicate golden locket Alcina had graciously donated around her neck.

Salvatore practically drooled when he first saw Nadine, slightly sheer satin nightgown flowing elegantly in the gentle afternoon breeze and golden chain glittering beautifully against her white speckled, ocean blue skin. She looked like a goddess, a true figure of pure ethereal power and beauty. Even the biting cold of winter wasn’t enough to touch the young woman, shielded and protected by her own glowing radiance.

Despite looking every bit like an other-worldly deity worthy of unending human devotion and worship, Nadine’s face held nothing but fear, anxiety, and loneliness as she aimlessly wandered the seemingly empty docks and windmills surrounding the reservior’s watery interior. An occasional dejected “hello?” still echoes out throughout the reservoir every few hours, growing less and less hopeful with each passing round of silence Salvatore spends hiding away from view.

The disfigured man’s heart twists and stabs in pain every time he cowers away from Nadine’s soft, anxious calls, desperately wanting to comfort the young woman in her moment of confusion and fear, but still so terrified of her inevitable reaction to his appearance that he finds himself unable to do anything but skitter shamefully to his room beneath the surface and try to drown her out with one of his old romance films.

How pitiful.

Salvatore spends much of his time lamenting and pitying himself over his soul crushing loneliness and his intense desire for a love of his own, and yet here he is, taking refuge in an old romance film while he hides himself away from the real woman he could be making his own romance film with, were he not a massive coward and a horrific freak of nature unworthy of anyone’s love and affection, of course. What a cruel irony it is, to have the one thing you want, more than anything else in the world, dangled just inches in front of your face, and yet knowing, before you’ve even tried, that it’ll never be yours.

Salvatore knows that no matter how much of a romance story this whole situation might seem like, Nadine will never be able to love him in the way the gorgeous women in the movies love their tall, dashing, dark-haired lover men. Not only was Salvatore the exact opposite of tall and dashing by literally everyone’s standards, but his patches of dry, greasy dark-hair did little to salvage the violent wreckage that was Salvatore’s whole appearance.

There was absolutely no way Nadine would ever be able to love someone as hideous as Salvatore, so perhaps the best thing to do would be to contact Miranda and inform her that, while he greatly enjoyed his gift, Salvatore didn’t feel he would be able to appreciate her in the way she deserved to be appreciated in all her beauty and wonder, and that perhaps it would be better for Mother Miranda to find better arrangements for her elsewhere.

“I-it’s for the b-best… i-i think… a-after all… Nadine… d-doesn’t want t-to live i-in a d-dingy place… l-like this for… for the r-rest of h-her… l-life… m-much less with… w-with someone l-like me… s-she’d hate th-that… im c-certain” Salvatore laments aloud, dipping his head downward as tears of painful realization and sorrowful acceptance pour down his face like waterfalls of lonely depression, already fully set on contacting Mother Miranda as soon as morning came.

“While it's very kind of you to keep my best interest in mind, I do think I am more than capable of making my own decisions regarding what’s the best place for me, thank you very much” a soft voice responded suddenly, causing Salvatore’s head to whip in the direction the sound was coming from in startled shock. “This place is a little rundown, sure, but the windmills still stand tall and the water is always just the right temperature, so I don’t think this would be the worst place to live, if I had to… so long as I wasn’t alone, at least.”

Even in the dimly lit area located at the end of the hallway, Nadine still looked so gorgeously stunning and elegant. It was incredible how she managed to sound so casual and yet look so ethereal.

In the brief moment before his panic set in, Salvatore couldn’t help but pause and marvel at the spot down the hall where the young woman stood, her gaze locked directly onto him and yet she showed no signs of having seen him. She even went as far as to begin moving about behind the large boards that blocked her from entering the room, clearly trying to get a better look at the room and, more importantly, the person she suspects is in it.

After a surprisingly large jump that launched Nadine all the way up to the ceiling, just narrowly avoiding hitting her head, Salvatore’s eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open in stupefied shock as the sight of Nadine, moving the way she was at the end of the hallway, brought to Salvatore’s mind a scene from one of his favorite romance films. In the particular scene Salvatore is thinking of, the actress’ character is an aspiring prima ballerina, and she’s having a brief moment of bonding with her fellow ballerina’s after a long, but successful performance. Dressed in a nightgown not too unlike the one Nadine is currently wearing, the ballerina is showing the others how to do other kinds of dance, like polka or Irish step dancing, but by the end of the scene the group of ballerinas are all merely jumping about the room excitedly, laughing and cheering while carelessly throwing themselves into the air, only to land gracefully back on their feet.

While not exactly the same obviously, the resemblance between Nadine and the absolutely stunning ballerina in the movie, in both silhouette and style of movement, was almost uncanny.

Stretched out as high as her short legs would allow, strong and gorgeously defined muscles flexed almost instinctually with every rapid twist, curl, bend, and jump of the young woman’s tiny body. Her lucious silhouette was only aided by the feminine aura of the long, sheer nightgown as it trailed after her with every movement. The delicate satin material caresses the sharp ridges of her muscular back and shoulders with the same tenderness and love as it does the weight of her breasts or the pillowy layer of protection atop her midsection. The lower half of the nightgown, cinched just below the breasts, twisted and jerked in whatever direction was necessary to keep up with the speed at which Nadine was fluttering and jumping about upon the tips of her toes. Her legs were hidden by the ferocious speed of her movements, but Salvatore did not need to see her legs to have some idea of what they were, or perhaps merely could be, capable of.

Whether or not Nadine was actually a ballerina herself, or if Salvatore’s delusions were merely that realistic now, the young woman appeared to move with nothing but effortless grace that hides the raw power and physical strength it takes to float as carelessly and as quickly as the young woman was, clearly growing more and more frustrated the longer her search failed to reveal what she was looking for.

Still paralyzed by the sudden presence of Nadine in his personal space, Salvatore could do nothing but hold his breath and hope that the light at the end of the hall didn’t reach far enough to reveal his presence in the room. The TV was still on, but the movie playing on it had finished running long ago, meaning the only thing being displayed now was a static filled screen that proved someone had been here at some point in time, but thankfully wasn’t a dead giveaway from the start.

“Helloooooooo… I heard someone talking on my way in, so I know that someone is down here. Please… just come out, ok… I won’t hurt you… honestly” the raven haired woman begs softly, her movements slowing a bit to allow more of her air to be used for speaking rather than jumping to look over beams over and over again.

Salvatore’s heart ached at Nadine’s desperate tone, knowing all too well what the mutant woman is going through right now, but trying his best to remain strong, since giving in means dooming this perfect young specimen to a life of bitter misery and unending terror, regardless of the best effort he’d try to put in. Whatever short term gain Nadine could get from being with him would only come back to bleed her dry once Salvatore was sufficiently attached, and therefore unable to allow her to leave once she inevitably decides that she’s had enough of pretending to love a disgusting freak of nature.

Salvatore had never been very good at accurately predicting the outcomes of situations, but he knew for certain that Nadine was in no way deserving of the hellish punishment that living in the reservoir with him would undoubtedly become, if it didn’t start out that way from the beginning, that is. Perhaps the young woman could convince herself to accept her situation and play into his affections as a means of survival for a short time, but based on what he’s heard of Nadine thus far, Salvatore doubts such a strongwilled and dangerous woman would allow herself to play wife and sex slave to anyone for very long. If she didn’t somehow successfully murder him in his sleep within the first 48 hours of her “slavery”, it would only be a matter of time before she finally ran out of patience and unleashed... whatever the hell it was she did back in the labs, upon him.

For a brief moment, Salvatore entertains the question of whether Nadine could potentially be strong enough to take him out with a single hit, as well as whether that thought should be something he finds arousing or not. His thoughts are quickly interrupted however, by the sound of shuffling and grunting, and upon turning his head toward the sudden racket, Salvatore is horrified to see Nadine, just small enough to fit her tiny body between the thin cracks of the boarded up wall, attempting to climb through the barrier, and enter the TV room.

Body shaking and voice beginning to tremble slightly, alongside his already labored breathing, Salvatore unsteadily backed his way further into the room, putting his hands out in front of him as if to try and stop Nadine from entering, though he makes no move to physically eject the invading woman himself, oddly enough.

“N-nooo… p-please… don’t come i-in...” Salvatore stutters helplessly, shrinking further in on himself in fear as the young woman effortlessly slips through the wooden boards like a slippery eel, quickly and easily landing on her feet before turning back to the mostly darkened room.

“H-Hello?” Nadine calls out again nervously, taking a tentative step forward, both hands extended outward beside her until her left hand made contact with the wall. Gaining some purchase on the vertical slabs of wood, Nadine slowly turns her head to look about the room, carefully inspecting everything from atop the surface of Salvatore’s messy desk, to the very dark corner in the back right of the room that Salvatore himself was currently shoved as far into as physically possible.

Nadine stuck her arm out in front of her and began slowly walking toward the opposite wall, eyes open, but unfocused, and right hand waving aimlessly in the air for a brief moment, as though trying to feel around for the other wall despite it clearly being right in front of her. The hooded man had no idea how she hadn’t seen him yet, he could practically feel how absolutely ridiculous he looked, his bony, weathered, turtle-esque body hunched as low to the ground as possible with his chin tucked between his knees and hands covering the rest of his face, leaving only the smallest bit of space through which he could observe Nadine’s inevitable reaction to him. And yet, despite the amount of time the young woman spent glancing over Salvatore, back and forth across the room, her bright golden eyes resembling that of a ravenous alligator in their intensity and ferociousness, no scream left her plush lips nor did fear and horror suddenly mar her supple face. In fact, not only had the mutant woman not seen him yet, but it was in that exact moment that the reason why Nadine couldn’t see Salvatore, obviously shoved into the corner, just to her bottom left, became immediately clear to him.

“Y-You’re blind...”

[lucinations]

you – Vivianne Miedema x Reader

prompt: You know maybe a fluff angst imagine ? (Viv ofc)

a/n: okay this is sort of angsty? idk I’m rubbish at angst but here ya’ll go this took forever to write there are SO MANY EMOTIONS 

“Come on girls, my grandmother can run faster than that,” joked our coach, Joe, as I ran to intercept a ball for what felt like the 50th time.

“That’s some fit grandma,” I grumbled under my breath, passing it to Daan, and there was a breathless chuckle to my left.

“Bloody hate running,” Viv grumbled, and I nodded. There was a sharp whistle sound and the players stopped running.

“Alright girls, blue team wins. See you all tomorrow, bright and early for game day,” Joe called, and we stopped running, slowly making our way over to the bench for a drink.

“You alright?” Viv asked me as I panted, reaching for my kitbag.

“Give me a sec,” I said, reaching into the side pocket, pulling out my inhaler and giving it a shake. I took a deep puff, holding my breath.

“That bad huh?” Viv asked, and I nodded, smiling as much as I could with my mouth closed.

Slowly, after a sec I let out my breath.

“You’ve done that a lot lately,” Viv said, raising an eyebrow, “You sure you’re alright?”

“Fine,” I said, dropping the inhaler back into my bag and ignoring her worried glance, “Stop worrying, mum,”  

She gave me an unimpressed look. “Excuse me for caring about you,”

I smiled slightly at that, feeling my stomach make a few giddying flips.

“Wow? Is that genuine affection in your voice?” I asked sarcastically, “Didn’t know you were capable of that,”

There was laughter from the other girls, and Viv shook her head, leaning over the kitbag to punch me on the shoulder.

As the rest of the group filed towards the changing room and I followed suit, she sidled up to me.

“I was going to ask,” she said, falling into step next to me, “Did you want to come over this weekend? Lisa’s going up to Scotland to visit her parents, and I want someone to yell at the TV with when football is on,”

I had to fight the urge to smile as my heart thumped in my chest.

“Er. . .I was actually headed into London for a shop and dinner on Saturday,”

“Oh. . .dinner? You got a hot date or something?” she joked, and I smiled.

“Nah, just by myself,” I said, and she raised her eyebrows.

“You go to dinner by yourself?” she asked me, and I nodded.

“Sure,” I said, shrugging, “Not always someone available when I want fish and chips,”

“Look no further,” she said, “You mind if I tag along?” she asked, and I raised my eyebrows, surprised as we went into the changing room.

“I mean. . . sure, yeah,” I said, smiling.

“I’ll pick you up? We both know you can’t drive in London to save your life,” she said with a laugh, and I frowned as I stuffed the remainder of my clothes into my kitbag.

“Sounds good,” I said, trying to keep the excitement out of my voice, “Malin? Let’s go? See you later, guys,”

There was a chorus of ‘Byes’ as I stepped out of the changing room, bag slung over my shoulder and a smile spread over my face, followed by Malin. Since we lived so close to each other, we tended to carpool to trainings and games.  My heart felt like it had grown wings that were violently fluttering in my chest, and the more I thought about the fact I’d be spending the majority of my weekend with Viv, the more my stomach did giddy flips.

“Be careful,” Malin said from next to me.

“Hm?” I asked, pulled out of my daydream.

“With Viv, I mean,” she said, as we stepped out of the compound and walked towards the car park.

“What do you mean?” I asked with a frown, fishing around for my keys.

“She’s already got someone, Y/N” she said, “Don’t let yourself fall into that trap,”

“What are you talking about?” I asked with a chuckle, unlocking the car and opening the driver’s side door while Malin went around to sit in the passenger’s seat.

“I see the way you look at her, Y/N. I might be new to this team, but I’m not blind. How long have you been in love with her?”

since I met her for the first time last year. 1 year, 20 days, 7 hours and 30 minutes.

“In love?” I asked incredulously, starting the car, “You’re kidding, right?”

“I’m not,” Malin said seriously, “You talk about her all the time, and the smile you get on your face when she talks to you Y/N. . .”

She gave me a pitiful look, and I could feel the dread filling me up like a rising tide as we drove.

I let out a sigh. “Is it that obvious?”

“No,” Malin admitted, “But I’ve come to know you pretty well, and I’m pretty observant. So, how long?”

“Long enough,” I said with another sigh, “I’m pretty sick of it if I’m honest,”

“I can imagine,” Malin said, “You’re only hurting yourself though, you know, by hanging around her,”

“Can’t exactly avoid her,” I said, and Malin raised her eyebrows.

“Maybe not, but I don’t think spending your weekend with her is a good idea,” she said, and I bit my lip. I knew she was right.

The truth was, I couldn’t stay away from Viv. I liked her so much it hurt, and watching her love someone else was equally painful, but so far I had consoled myself with the time spent as her friend.

“I’ll be okay. I just have to wait it out, it’ll pass,” I said, and Malin sighed.

“I hope, for your sake, that you’re right,”

* * * * * *

I hated being wrong.

2 years, 120 days, 14 hours and 20 minutes

“Y/N?” Viv’s voice snapped me out of my daydream, “Are you even listening to me?”

“Hm?” I asked, and she smiled as our eyes met.

“Who are you daydreaming about? You’re like a lovesick puppy lately,” she asked me.

You, my brain said.

“No one,” I replied, as the sounds of the restaurant returned to me. We had gone out for dinner with Malin and Lisa, and the four of us were sitting in our favorite sushi restaurant in SoHo.  

Liar, my brain snorted.

“Fine fine, if you won’t tell me I’ll just have to find out on my own,” she said cheekily.

I love you, my brain screamed.

“Please don’t,” I told her semi-seriously, reaching for another piece of sushi.

“We actually invited you both to dinner to tell you something. . .” Lisa said, and Viv smiled so broadly it basically covered half her face.

“What?” I said with a chuckle, and when I looked up from my plate of sushi, Viv was holding out her hand across the table.

There, barely a meter from my face, sitting, glittering on Viv’s finger as if it was taunting me, was an engagement ring.

“Oh my god!” Malin said with an incredulous laugh, as Lisa laughed at the shocked expression on her face, “Congratulations guys,”

I could feel Viv’s eyes on my face, and I looked up to meet her eye. She looked expectant, eyes sparkling with excitement and happiness. Malin glanced over at me worriedly.

It felt like somebody had punched me in the face as my breath left me.

“Y/N! Say something!” Viv said with an anxious chuckle, and I had to shake myself out of my shock.

“Gosh. . .” I said, breathlessly, “Wow. . .guys, congratulations!” I managed to bring out, and Viv smiled brightly, chuckling.

“You froze there for second,” she said, and I gave her a watery smile.

“Yeah,” I said, with a weak chuckle.

“I was going to ask you to be my best man. . .well, best woman,” Viv said, and the fist that was closing around my heart tightened.  

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

Malin’s hand squeezed mine under the table.

“I. . .yeah, gosh. . .of course!” I brought out, and my voice was trembling, making Viv frown lightly.

“So when are you planning it for?” Malin asked Lisa, and their conversation fell away as my vision tunnelled. Viv leaned over the table with concern in her eyes.

“Hey, you alright?” she asked, and I nodded. I could feel the tears filling my eyes as I avoided Viv’s gaze.

I desperately tried to control my breath and my facial expressions as my emotions threatened to burst out of me.

“Yeah. . .just hot in here, isn’t it. . .just a sec–”

The sound of my chair grating backwards interrupted my stuttering, and I stood up.

I didn’t even glance back as I headed straight for the bathroom, my heart thumping in my chest and the blood rushing deafeningly in my ears.

I barely made it to the stall and locked the door before the tears spilled from my eyes and my body started to shake with sobs. It felt like every neuron in my body had been set on fire, as white-hot tendrils of pain coursed from my chest, my heart, to the rest of my body. I put a hand on my heaving chest as I started to sob, tears rolling down my cheeks.

She’s engaged.

The words thumped through my brain, like a siren at full volume in my head.

A knock at the stall door made me jump, as I struggled to bring in breaths.

“Y/N?” came Malin’s distinct accent, and I unlocked the door, swinging it open to reveal me sitting on the upturned toilet seat, face red and puffy and wet with tears.

She pulled me up and crushed me into a hug, and a renewed bout of tears steamed down my face.

“I can’t watch her marry someone else, Mal, I just can’t,” I said in between sobs.

“Then don’t,” Malin said quietly, holding me tight.

When we pulled away, I nodded, taking a deep breath and wiping the tears off my face.

“You’re right,”

* * * * *

“Do you think I should wear a suit? I mean, we could both wear a dress but I’m not sure I want the whole hassle of wearing one. . . .what do you think?”

I was sat at Viv and Lisa’s dinner table, staring down at the wedding catalogue open in front of me on the table. I wasn’t looking at it really, and I had tuned out Viv’s question.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N? Are you even listening to me?” Viv’s voice shook me out of my daze, and I looked up at her, eyes focusing on her. She was standing on the opposite side of the islands, hands on her hips and giving me a chastising look. She was wearing her favorite pair of grey sweatpants and plain white t-shirt. Her hair was up in her usual bun, the one I loved so much on her. 

It physically hurt to look at her.

“Hm? A dress? Not very you, is it?” I said, and she frowned.

“Yeah. . .What’s wrong? You’ve been off since the restaurant two weeks ago,” she asked, “You’ve been failing me in your best woman duties,” she joked.

Tell her.  

“I’m alright Viv,” I assured her, and she raised an eyebrow at me.

“You’re still my best friend Y/N, I know when you’re fibbing,” she replied, “Are you okay?”

No.

“No,” I said with a sigh, closing the magazine in front of me. The smiling bride on the cover taunted me.

“Okay. . . Want to tell what’s going on?” she asked, taking a few steps towards me and sitting down on the barstool to my left, so she was facing me.

“I–“

My throat felt like it was closing up. I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t tell her.

You have to.  

“Hey,” she said softly, seeing the anxiety in my face and putting a hand on my knee, “Whatever it is, Y/N, you can tell me,”

The sudden contact startled me, and I stood up from the chair, putting some distance between me and her.

“I can’t come to your wedding,” I said hastily, going to stand on the opposite sideof the kitchen island and Viv frowned.

“What?” she asked, stunned, “Why not? Are you busy that day?”

“No–”

“ ‘Cause we could always find a way to–”

“I can’t come to your wedding because I’m in love with you,”

The words were out of my mouth before I could even stop them. It felt like they had been sitting at the back of my throat for a long time, waiting impatiently for the moment they could tumble out. I could feel my heart thumping threefold in my chest, could hear the blood roaring in my ears and the anticipation running through my veins.

The expression on Viv’s face was the equivalent of someone that had just been punched in the face.

“I– What? ” she asked, and the shock in her voice wasn’t hard to miss.

I looked straight at her.

“I have been in love with you for the past 2 years and–”, I steeled myself with another breath. “–I can’t watch you marry someone else, Vivianne, I just can’t,”

When Viv said nothing, I went on.

“It would break me, into a million pieces, and–” I said, my voice catching in my throat as tears welled up in my eyes, “–and I don’t think–. . . I don’t think anybody could put me back together again,”

The silence that followed was deafening. We looked at each other, her blue eyes staring into mine.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, hoarsely.

“I couldn’t,” I said sadly, “You were with someone and we both know neither of us are that kind of person,”

“You didn’t even give us a chance,” she said quietly. Her eyes were swimming with tears. “You didn’t even think about the possibility that we could be–”

“Be what?” I asked her, shaking my head, “Lisa makes you so happy, Viv, I see it every day. You are my best friend, and your happiness was so important to me,”

“And what about yours?” Viv said, standing up, “We could’ve been happy, could’ve been something–. . .but you didn’t even try, you. . . you gave up before it even started,”

I gave her a sad smile. “It’s okay, Viv–”

“No, it isn’t!” she shouted, taking several steps forward, and I was startled by the pain in her voice, “You are so important to me, don’t you understand that? I love you, for god’s sake and I–, I can’t lose you,”

Another silence. Her words sunk in, and several tears fell down my face.

“I’m sorry,” I told her, “I really am, but I can’t do this. I can’t be around you right now,”

She sniffed, wiping tears from her face. “I understand,”

Then, in two strides, she was standing in front of me, and she pulled me into a hug. She had done it so many times before, but the emotion in this one made my heart clench. I drank her in, her smell, he warmth, the way her arms felt wrapped around me, holding me. When we pulled away from each other, one of her hands grabbed mine, and we stood facing each other. Her face was inches from mine, breath fanning my face.

“Viv. . .” I said, a she leaned forward.

“Shush,” she said, before her lips met mine.

She kissed me and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be, her hand resting below my ear, thumb caressing my cheek.

When she pulled away, it felt like taking a breath of fresh air. I took a step back, my lips still tingling and the salty taste of tears lingering.

“I really hope you’re happy Viv,” I said sadly, and she smiled through a renewed bout of tears, “I’ll see you around, yeah?”

She nodded, and with a a last smile, I turned away from her and strode out of the kitchen, away from her, away from my anguish and my feelings and ready to start over.

[kelleshabarnes]

alcohol and mcdonalds

bucky x sam x reader. word count: idk summary: the title  warnings: mentions of food, swearing a/n: my first imagine lol :) + the reader does not have any specific pronouns to be inclusive + i don’t know how to add paragraphs :/

you, bucky and sam were starving. pratically dying for food. steve had you on this super healthy diet for the new training session plan that he created. plus tony wanted to run tests on you three, seeing how it affects you or something along the lines of that. long story short, you were the guinea pigs. it was about 12am but you couldn’t sleep. steve had sent you to bed at 9pm for a full 9hrs of rest and you received a chicken salad, a glass of water and a no sugar 4 inch chocolate bar for dinner. who does that? so you decided to leave your room and find bucky and sam for a fun night out. alcohol, mcdonalds and what not.

                                                            “come on guys, you know you want to. it’ll be fun.” you whined. about 5 minutes ago you sent a text to the group that you made to bitch about steve (in a loving way of course!) about the plan that you had. they both had come down but weren’t very keen on your idea. 

“will it be worth it though?” bucky questioned. 

“exactly, it is a great idea but i’d rather get through this experiment thingy without any problems.” sam said.

“i’m sorry but when did you two agree on anything,” you interjected. if they’re not up to it then you’d be happy to do it yourself. and it was most definitely worth it.

“we’re a work in progress, doll” 

you rolled your eyes at bucky’s comment and got up to pursue the plan you had. 

“y/n. where are you going?” sam whisper-yelled towards your retreating figure.

you were going. you didn’t even bother saying anything to them. you knew they would follow you. a pair of lost puppies they were. soon you heard “im trying to be quiet but trying to catch up with them” running from behind you.

                                                             “these fries remind me of steve” you slurred quietly. when you had walked out on sam and bucky, they had expectedly run after you. you all had walked to mcdonalds, ordered your food and then crashed in the avengers kitchen, opening various bottles of alcohol you found, ready to pig out.

“huh” sam asked confused. 

“they’re tall, blonde and delicious. just like steve!”

“how drunk are you right now?” bucky questioned completely sober. him and his supersoldier abilities.

“you know, buck. this burger has nothing on you. there’s beefy and then there’s BEEFY” you murmured, gesturing to bucky.

“clearly you’re very drunk” bucky huffed. only y/n. this is gonna be a long night. but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t having fun and that this was very much needed after the 2 weeks of hell they’d been through. 

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

warnings: extremely negative feelings towards a sibling, distressing / intrusive thoughts. placed under a break due to the content of the message. remember, I'm not a mental health professional.

updated with additional viewpoints from readers at the bottom!

I'm sorry in advance.

I really hate my older sister. She never respects my boundaries, insults me frequently, and is just annoying and hypocritical in general.

I've always had these issues with her, but she lived at her own apartment away from me and the rest of my family, so I've been able to control my hatred of her. But last year in March she moved back in and sold her apartment. She has no plans of leaving anytime soon, and I can't stand her.

We shared a bedroom for about a year because we were also taking care of my cousin who also moved in with us last year. My cousin has since moved out, but my sister is unfortunately here to stay for a couple of years. But with extra space, I was able to move into the spare bedroom and thought that would be the end of my problems.

It wasn't. In fact, she has become even more unbearable. The hardest part of this relationship is that she has a weird obsession with being with me. I'm not sure if this is because she loves me, or she's just weird. I think she's weird because my parents never act like she does.

Our bedrooms are right next to each other. There's really no reason for her to miss me. But every single fucking minute she's coming into my room to bother me. I would have more empathy for her if she acknowledged my limits, but she doesn't.

She's constantly cuddling me after I've said for MONTHS that I don't enjoy it and it makes me uncomfortable. She constantly belittles me by saying I couldn't live without her, and that I would be a mess if it wasn't for her (mind you, I've lived without her at the house for YEARS and I was perfectly fine). She's constantly in my business, interrogating me about every little thing. She once locked the door and wouldn't let me leave the room without answering her questions for 20 minutes; she asked me about a $30 Amazon order containing manga I ordered with MY OWN MONEY. And I had permission for my parents to order it! It wasn't her business whatsoever.

I've tried to keep her out numerous times; I've gotten in trouble for it. My parents say I'm being mean and that this is her way of loving me. What I feel like they ignore is that I'M UNCOMFORTABLE. Her way of "loving me" HURTS.

I've tried communication. I've had multiple meetings with my family about my boundaries and they say they'll change, but they never do.

Another factor that worsens this is that I have borderline personality disorder. I'm currently being denied therapy or intervention of any kind. I get told my mental illness is a result of me having an attitude and hating my family.

I writing this to you because I've been having very alarming thoughts recently. I'm been somewhat suicidal as long as I can remember, but this is different. I've been having nightmares about killing my family/my family killing me. I don't want to kill my family. As much as they have abused me, I know they truly love me deep down. But when I'm in a mental breakdown, I don't think for the most part. I'm afraid I'm going to do something to hurt them if they continue to push me. I'm too scared to turn myself into the police and I don't want to be taken away from my home. I truly need therapy, but it's expensive and I'm not allowed to get it.

Are there any options left for me? I love my family and I want to get better, but I can't stand them. It'll be a while before I can live on my own, and I don't think I'll make it that long.

I'm so sorry.

I appreciate that you came to me, however, please remember I am not a mental health professional.

I do not have the best relationship with my family. I've come to accept that they just exist and I moved away from them. I keep a strict level of familiarity with them for my own sanity and well-being. There are people in my immediate family I don't talk to anymore or only speak to in certain situations, with other people around to buffer my emotions. No one in my family understands or respects my mental health issues and I have ceased talking about it with them.

I will admit, I had to ask for help. I'm going to share the answer of someone I trust, because they are much more level-headed when it comes to something like this.

Use different words with your sister. Instead of "I'm mad or annoyed", use words that bring out more empathy - "You're making me sad and uncomfortable. You're hurting me." Anger is usually perceived as something within you, something you must control. But sadness is usually not perceived in the same light. People usually see sadness as something that has a cause and perhaps letting her know that she is the cause will have an effect on her. Using different words when speaking to her may slowly change her perspective.

When it comes to your parents, well, parents do not usually understand sibling dynamics. They're fucking useless most of the time when it comes to problems specifically between siblings. It might be better if you say something like, "Her constant intrusions are affecting my school work. My grades are going to drop." Usually, parents respond more urgently if you say you education is affected - and it doesn't matter if it's true or not, we're just trying to get them to help in some way.

I had to remind them it's summertime lol

Oh shit, you're right. Er. Well, In any case, it seems you've tried having reasonable discussions with your parents and it doesn't seem helpful to continue discussing this particular topic with them. Maybe get into fitness since it's summertime. Go outside, do something active. She can't cuddle you if you're running, right? Then you can also be stronger and feeling better physically improves mental health. Put some music on, go hiking or running, take yourself out of the situation.

I don't know if this is possible, but perhaps if you're experiencing a mental breakdown and you're afraid of hurting your family, run out of the house? It might be better to be physically away from them at that time to avoid saying or doing anything you regret. It may help clear your head and help your family realize that this is something that is truly debilitating to you.

I don't know your age, so I don't know if the school thing is relevant. It's only a suggestion.

You said it will be a while before you can live on your own. When I knew the cons of living with my family outweighed the pros, I did everything in my power to prepare myself for leaving because I needed a goal in order to survive. I needed distractions, reading, writing, gaming, music, anything else to occupy my mind and help control my thoughts. There was a time when I needed music to fall asleep (headphones in on low volume).

Also... uh.

I'm not saying you should do this. I'm only saying I did.

My siblings and I have physically fought before. One has scars from fighting me. The scarred one is the one closest to me currently.

Not saying you should do it.

But I did.

If anyone feels comfortable enough to share how they dealt with it in their own situation, please do. Maybe more perspectives can help this person.

--

some other experiences sent to me:

anon #1

I don't think I had a situation that extreme but my brother was a little like that. I honestly had to become kinda rude and indifferent. Like he'd always use my laptop and stuff and I put passwords on everything and just don't tell him. And then when he tried to hug or cuddle id say I don't liek it and just push him away physically now this soudns fucking obvious when I say it this way but like I don't think I read that u tried it ? Idk I discovered I have a loud annoying scream that neighbours will hear, and fucking strokg legs I used to kick him away but like I was tiny so I don't really endorse violence but I didnt like being close to a 'boy' essentially at taht age so yea... Idk man siblings are weird and I have had intrusive thoughts so I think I didn't handle it well but for a few years I became an asshole to him and then now I'm good with talking sometimes and I keep it short and sweet and I've mentioned that I'm sorry for being mean in the past bcuz like I am ? Bcuz I'm not an asshole ? ( But like I did what I had to do ) I hope u get the help and support u need

anon #2

I read the message from the previous anon and I have to say I relate to what they say. I wouldn’t say i’ve completely dealt with the situation when it comes to my parents.

I have 4 siblings and i’m the oldest, my sister that’s 2 years younger than me always gets in my way and is a tyrant. Because she’s much taller than me she overpowers me and i also have scars from when we’ve fought. My parents don’t intervene because they say we’ll make up soon and I honestly can’t stay mad at people for long. I also live with my parents and am not able to move out anytime soon until I get my degree.

A few weeks ago my mother was complaining to my father that I don’t help around the house and all that bullshit but it’s obviously not true. Anyway. My father came into my room and threw all my clothes from my cupboards on the floor and said my sister and I must get out of his house. He was literally pulling us and we were crying because where the hell would we go. My smaller siblings were begging for him not to chase us out of the house but he was ballistic. He was constantly throwing insults at me, calling me selfish and disrespectful. I was having a mental breakdown and I said i hope that God takes my life away because i’m too weak to do it myself. I kept saying that and when my parents heard me. They called me crazy and were laughing at me and said i should take it back because instead of me another one of my family members would go.

My parents don’t care about mental health and therapy. It’s all unnecessary to them. But after that night I tried to find my own way of getting rid of the negative thoughts, I choose to ignore what everyone tells me. I agree with everything that you said about trying to get away from their family when they have those thoughts. I try meditation and praying. I’m not sure if that person follows any religion but that’s what helped me. And writing can be cathartic. Also remember that you’re not alone, there are so many people out there who share your sorrows and can relate to your situation. I think about my little siblings who i’m close to and what it would be like if i wasn’t there.

Maybe if they could get a pet? I know having a pet can make you feel less alone and you feel a sense of responsibility towards them. As for their sister, she needs to see their point of view and tell her that she makes her feel overwhelmed with the things she does. She can spend time with her and try to make her understand that they need their space too.

anon #3

I also have sum advice 4 the sibling anon frm a fellow bpd buddy:

Does ur view of ur sister change from "i hate her" to "she's alright" sometimes? Viewing sum1 as all bad or all good is common in bpd ppl and usually changes alot. I rec writing down the moments where she shows she loves u. This could be thru buying smth for u or doing smth 4 u. I had a similar relationship w a friend and this exercise helped me remember that she might not have intentions to hurt me and might b trying 2 bond. Repairing the relationship might take a while. Talk alot if u can, it seems like ur family is at least willing to hear u out, even if there behavior doesn't change much. Keep sum distance if needed. Working out and finding fun hobbies is good.

If u feel like ur breaking down, try breathing exercises n identify 5 things u notice thru ur senses. What do u feel? What do u smell? What do u taste? What do u see? What do u hear? I personally like taking myself down rabbit holes. For example: I see a yellow jacket > this shade of yellow is a cool tone > what makes a color "cool" or "warm" > why do we associate red with warmth > what if the sun was blue > what if ocean water looked orange > is water wet

I usually end up forgetting what was making me upset. If it was a big deal I would still remember, but at least I would b less emotional and a bit more rational.

Search up cognitive behavior therapy and dialectical behavior therapy and try 2 practice sumthing similar 2 exercises u would perform w a therapist. Squeeze stress balls. Masturbate (this blog is perfect 4 that lol). Maybe watch some videos done by therapists on youtube. I watched a couple of videos abt therapists reacting 2 fighting in movies and I learned alot (this video was very fun to watch)!

Anyway that's what helps me! Good luck 2 u!!!

[stray-tori]

TPN S02E08 - Initial Thoughts (anime-only)

Reaction Vid: Google Drive

I’m here, finally! Let me just say, I’m glad to see some more positivity around ahh- Not that anyone isn’t allowed to feel negatively about it, I do have my problems too of course! But it’s just nice when things are epic and liked by people :)

.

I don’t think I can really separate it into topics this time so I’ll just kind of... go through it by chronological order this time! With “.” paragraphs separating thoughts :)

.

Norman figuring out that there’s at least one other person taking tests because he’s left-handed and the code scan thing is placed on the right when he put it down left is such a nice, unspoken execution!

.

also. Zaziee :(

.

also, what do we think is happening in this room? are those just... dead subjects that they feed to demons or...? experimenting with how certain manipulated humans will affect demons eating them? 

(also they just flipped Norman’s walk here, so his curl is on the wrong side. not blaming them or anything, I just noticed. I hope the staff is doing okay :<)

.

also, idk if my brain is melting but when Norman was like "I just need a detonator" and then he focuses on that king chess piece before the explosion, is the implication that the king piece was the detonator? :D

I do like the few subtle hints we do get just from the scenes (like the left hand/right hand thing and the cube communication) but I feel like I'm missing some connecting pieces here, even with knowing Smee was there and supporting him. It’s weird because I feel like the left-hand thing was really nicely done and digestible and the fork thing is presumably checking out how many cameras there are (even if still a little obvious) - but the explosion? Maybe I’m just stupid haha- it had to be Smee helping, right? I just would have liked more hints (but maybe I’m too small brain rn).

.

I'm a little confused because Peter said "the era of James as the gatekeeper has ended" (paraphrased), so he’s the gatekeeper right? And Norman was so concerned about the gatekeeper last episode, to the point that I felt like it was a point largely against the "using the gate in GF" plan (aside from uncertainty about the gates and the human world, of course) - but it's literally just a human then? I thought it was gonna be some epic demon or magic concept or something, but it's just that dude pff- whats the dude gonna do against the murder squad? :D Ig he has the farm/demon forces behind him but those would exist either way (and Norman must have considered that), so why is he in particular such a big deal/threat? Is he that ultra big brain? Not big brain enough to have prevented Norman’s escape anyway.

Or maybe he’s just 6 moves ahead and waiting for Norman to lead him back to the hideout that was referenced a few episodes ago where Norman brings all the stolen kids -- but I feel like that’s such a... roundabout way of capturing the GF kids. Plus, that should be Isabella’s doing, if anything. So yeah. Confused about that a bit.

.

I love the parallel how in ep1 Ray running from the pursuers and Emma collapsing was the whole thing about like, not taking it all upon yourself -- and now Emma (who mirrored Ray’s exact run through the forest) got help with Ray jumping in and also later Sonju, conveniently timed as usual haha.

(negativity) It’s a nice parallel, though i would have preferred if Ray had run again and Emma had gotten the shot - it’d still carry around the same message (”then vs now”) but please I beg you give Emma one (1) cool bow shot  - or I’ll steal your animation and do it myself >:”(

(ik she got the hunting shot which was slow and cool but idk)

.

The animation was so pretty. I loved Norman on the cliff and the wind animation, and the MUSIC when the town raid happened and how everything was framed and the goddamn MUSIC???? DID I MENTION THE MUSIC.

Also Norman’s expression and that shot where he realizes Vyrk has the blood condition and sweeps in for a stab.

It was pretty brutal and I appreciate that they showed it. It’s just... really pretty overall and- yes. thank you. love goes out to the staff. god knows they need some. and money. please give them more money.

.

I also like how with how the episode set up the whole, "are you god?" - "I'll be a god or devil" thing, and then when Vyrk asks "are you a human?", my friend joked he'd answer "no, i'm god" and then we joked a bit about his silence. But in hindsight, I really appreciate those jokes, because it made me realize: for a different kind of character, that WOULD have been the perfect setup to have a badass response but that silence was probably on purpose and I can’t really explain it but I just like how that makes the through-line in the episode even stronger and also kind of connects with his wavering?? I can’t explain but I LIKE IT.

.

(slightly negative) It's a little bit funny that the parallel didn't occur to him until it was thrown in his face, but I think that's what dissociation and just being observed in one's plan does.

Plus I do get what they're going for, and it was pretty dang emotional. A little on the nose maybe but- yee.

It works well as an eye opener to tear down the mental wall between the two groups. He's also never really been in contact with demons equally before afaik so, I shall accept it. Not that currently killing them all makes him equal in power dynamic right now, but I mean like, in a way where he truly, in real life, got to see that they’re similar -- he made comparisons to humans last episode, so clearly he wasn’t completely unaware. He’s smart, he knew what he was doing would make him seem like a devil to the demons. He probably just numbed himself to it until something that could break those walls down happened, ie the Emma thing.

I feel like it could have worked too if her name wasn’t Emma, but he probably wouldn’t have paused for as long and the voiced lines couldn’t have been given the time needed to make them hit as strongly - but I do think just a line that sounds really similar to what they talked about in GF could have been enough too - but again, that would have potentially taken too long down the exchange between the two.

It also doesn’t seem completely random since the old guy also reacted to Emma’s name before and everything so. Overall, I’m willing to suspend my disbelief - even if it IS funny that the family naming went from Vyrk to... Emma :D (though demons do get old so I suppose that makes sense haha)

.

I also wonder how this will impact Norman going forward. Even if he decides for the GF plan now (likely, we don’t have much time), he still did that and even if they return all the degenerated demons with Mujika’s, Sonju’s and Vyrk’s help... I doubt those who were already eaten and killed, can be saved. So that blood is on his hands forever now, likely hurting even more now that he feels personally impacted by it and not just... knows he’s doing something bad.

The anime definitely doesn’t have the time to delve into that sadly but that’s,,, very good angst.

.

week 3 of asking where is Isabella- (I mean I am GLAD that she didn’t show up at the temple- yET - because that’d just make them leaving them there worse but fudshjsd- Is she actually just waiting for them to come for the gate what’s happening ahahaha-)

I also don’t know if I mentioned this in my last episode thoughts or not, but I do still believe the gate stuff could have been revealed more incrementally? Like have James include that tidbit of info, please. If we know gates exist, then at least now it isn’t such an extreme change of information to know: “there are gates. yes where you were sent WAS a gate, but they’ve been destroyed. oh and another gate is in GF!” like HOLD UP-

.

I wonder if we’ll ever see the hideout that Cislo or Vincent referenced... I’m sure that’d be lots of random children designs so probably not but,, I am really curious how and if they’ll take all those kids. Norman did say he wants freedom for all cattle children. but with no large scale plan anymore, I’m not sure if that’s gonna work. If any human stays behind, as I’ve often talked about before, the cycle just starts anew and I’m really curious if TPN will go for a morally grey ending like that.

Unless the whole “evil-blood” religion works out this time when the high class is gone. but even Sonju is already in part a counter-example so... we’ll see I suppose.

.

I really loved this episode though! If the anime continues this trend to the finish line, it’ll stay a wonky 7 for me :) (quality wise, you guys know my tpn brainrot won’t make me truly hate it pff- tpn love too big-)

[roccinan]

I'm risking sounding terribly egoistical by sending a public ask about my own url here but I'm doing it!!!!! I need the super graphic-details

Your ego is my ego, dearest nharidy. There's a reason the doc is named after you hahaha

[ 👉 My Wips ]

OK so the Absolvisti sequel's been sitting in my head since well, the week after I published it lmao. But I never got around to writing because I wasn't sure if it was being too self-indulgent (I'm feeling more confident about it now that I know you'll be pleased by it!). Also because I was having trouble deciding on a pov: should I continue with the Tatiana 1st person pov as always? Change it up to Martin 3rd person? or surprise: 1st person Don Juan?? Should it be a new chapter or new fic? (def. open to suggestions here!) Also I think it'd be Iconic to publish a story in the Dies Irae universe with our new cat profile pics.

Graphic detail time :D Prepare for a SUPER LONG answer LMAO. Most of the things I mentioned here and here will make their way in, with maybe a bonus ns/fw chapter from Martin or Andres' pov. The main story is SFW however, and there's like a hilariously high amount of hurt!Andres, who doesn't have demons to rely on anymore but still carries all the permanent damage the demons left on him:

It takes place some months after Absolvisti so Andres is doing better, but not fully well yet. He's not actively dying anymore but he does faint a lot and isn't exactly making a full recovery. Because I wanted to make things harder for Martin. Because he's not a young man anymore, the wounds were super extensive, and this is the result of years of accumulated damage + a form of "withdrawal" (the shadows/demons that used to feed on him were also the things that kept him alive so it's one big cycle that his body isn't leaving that easily).

This means every time Martin plans something nice for him like seeing a play or going out for a nightly walk, Andres can't go through the whole thing without feeling unwell. (Martin: "I over-exerted the love of my life. I am so SELFISH. what does Andres see in me??" Andres: "I disappointed the love of my life. I am the WEAKEST. what does Martin see in me??" Tatiana: feed me, bitches)

They manage to sit through one play though (not sure if I want this at the beginning or end of the fic LMAO). It's the one Bogota wrote, The Necromancer's Lament, a "biopic" about Andres' life. And it's every bit as terrible as Martin expected. Bad special effects, bad acting especially from Martin's actor, Andres' actor has a beard, and Tatiana looks like this:

Andres thinks it's the best play ever. Martin hates it and demands a refund. Tatiana hates it too but Don Juan's like, "mi amor, you are still beautiful to me, even as a deformed puppet."

Martin's 120-page complaints aside, Bogota runs the theatre troupe with his partner, Nairobi/Agata, and they're both going to start teaching performing arts at Santa Catalina because the last drama professor died lmao

Meanwhile, Santa Catalina has a new bad girl student, Tokyo/Silene! Sergio took her in as a charity case after some dark and mysterious events in her life. But Tokyo being Tokyo can't stay away from trouble, and she becomes obsessed with finding the demons that Andres expelled. Some bizarre possessions start happening again and the school's sponsors force Raquel to keep it under wraps. (Raquel: maybe if you increased funding, we wouldn't have so many problems!!)

In the meantime, Martin gets that letter from a long lost relative asking to meet him. Not sure about the order of this either. Anyway, Martin was planning to ignore the relative, but Andres insists he go. Either Tatiana or Don Juan accompany him. Martin learns that he's the sole heir of his dead parents across the sea (the will: “we forgive you for being a heretic, a freak of nature, and the alchemist of Palermo. also no hard feelings for leaving you to die as a baby xoxoxo”). There's one (1) condition though: he has to end his partnership with the necromancer. Martin: NO THANKS.

So while Martin's dealing with this unexpected drama, Sergio decides to call in Andres' expertise TM again because it's also a good excuse to talk to his brother. Martin is Very wary about this and rejects him. But Andres insists that it'll be fine. Plus, maybe he wants to turn a new leaf and help Santa Catalina for nothing in return this time. Not everyone gets a second chance at life and he doesn't want to be a bad person anymore uwu (Tatiana: "Andres was a pretentious piece of shit, surprising no one." Martin: "Nobody deserves Andres, not even me, and I'm like, the most amazing person in the world.")

Andres comes to do the exorcism with the random priest the school hired. And they discover there aren't any demons- it's just some ghost fucking around (maybe I'll make it the spirit of Gandia or Alicia since they haven't shown up yet lol). Anyway, it doesn't go very well but Andres gets rid of the creature or whatever. Not before it punctures a hole in his side though. Then Martin loses it, just full-on screams at Sergio for almost getting Andres killed again, makes a lot of threats against the school, etc. etc.

Raquel, being more useful, plugs up the wound. But the priest accidentally provokes Martin more by asking Raquel if he should mop up Andres' blood with holy water or something. What if the necromancer's blood is cursed?? And now it's all over the floor, so disgusting :/

Martin, already in a very bad mood, beats the priest up.

They go home. Martin's in a really sour mood and he just doesn't understand why Andres isn't mad at Sergio. Martin: "It's really emotionally damaging to me if you don't give a fuck about yourself." Andres makes him even angrier by bringing up the Berrote family will and having the audacity to suggest Martin leave him for money. He makes a huge case about how he literally has nothing to offer Martin except a body that barely works and a terrible reputation. Martin: "I lost a fucking eye for you??"

They fight and Martin storms away, and also kidnaps Don Juan, his honorary new soulmate who would never betray him like Andres.

A while after this, the Spanish Inquisition local clergy arrests Andres for "questioning." Because the shenanigans at Santa Catalina are still going on and that one priest suspects him of being behind everything just because. Raquel's the one who bails him out. She may not like Sergio's brother, but the way everyone else treats him is ridiculous.

Andres limps home, hoping Martin's still away. Surprise! Martin felt guilty and came back. And it's pretty obvious that Andres has just been tortured. Martin: "Say no more. I'm going to kill some people."

Andres gets Martin to not do anything stupid by dropping the thing with the will. He admits he was wrong for saying those things to Martin and he selfishly, genuinely wants to stay with Martin forever. Martin: "I'm still going to kill your brother. You may appease me with a kiss."

Does it end here? No! Because the shit at Santa Catalina is still happening. Andres and Martin solve it for good though. But it's all very dramatic. I'm vaguest about this part, but maybe Nairobi's injured saving Tokyo, and this gives Tokyo the wakeup call to move on from whatever baggage that got her into this mess in the first place. Then Andres' solution for saving Nairobi is to ask Martin to work that alchemist magic and transfer her wounds onto himself (at this point, we're just going overboard with the Andres whump but asdfasdf why stop??). Raquel: Sergio, tell your brother to stop dying. That's a bad example for the kids.

It takes a lot of convincing, but Martin relents in the end, only because he trusts Andres. At this point, Andres has been through so much that he physically cannot take any more damage. Like, he just can't lmao. So the whole process puts Andres into a coma or something. But we don't need him anymore because now we can revel in Martin's angst!

Martin spends the rest of his time crying and angsting and guilt-tripping Sergio, and just being very loud in general. He also writes back to his family and tells them to fuck off.

Once we indulge in enough of Martin's pain, Andres finally wakes up. Still very bad off but he's alive and not showing signs of dying any time soon. So that's good enough for Martin. They have a nice heart-to-heart, and idk, maybe Raquel comes to see them because Sergio's too embarrassed to. Until Andres insists, because he loves hermanito unconditionally uwu. Martin: "watch your back, Sergio. I might murder you in your sleep (:"

Then at the very end (I have no idea how long this story is LOL), there's some kind of family photoshoot between Raquel, Sergio, and Paula. Everyone's raving over this new invention called the "camera." Andres is admiring it from a distance until Raquel's like, "get over here. what part of FAMILY photoshoot do you not understand!?"

Andres is shocked pikachu face because good will towards him for once?? he's being included in something?? people want him around?? what is happening??

Martin's happy for him though. Then he's admiring from a distance until Raquel's like, "I said FAMILY photoshoot. Get over here, Martin!"

Tatiana didn't want to be a part of it, but Paula saw her favorite talking cat and like, grabbed her lmao. Don Juan photobombs it because he can't be excluded from an activity with Tatiana, especially when his former rival Andres is in the photo too. (His current rival is Casanova, an unworthy white cat vying for Tatiana's affections)

Sergio proposes to Raquel. The end! Yes, the kitty love triangle is also a central theme of this story LMAO Hope that satisfies you, nharidy! And I welcome any and all suggestions!

[apathycarestostudy]

Any studying, motivation and procrastination tips please? Desperately in need of some before a new academic year starts.

Hello hello! Yes! I’m sorry I took a bit to get back to you with these - I just wanted to give you the best I got. So here ya go, I mixed up everything you asked for in a couple of strong tips. I’ve divided into preparing for the new semester, study tips, and then procrastination tips with a sprinkle of motivation all over it.

Prep:

Sooo the academic year is right around the corner (or dreadfully yet, already here), and you need to shift to get with the times. Fixing your sleep schedule? Getting your syllabus ready? That’s all important and good, but how do you keep the determination strong as the first few weeks go by? How to prepare better?

make a lessons learned note

I learnt this from my internship. It’s a good practice that after a project, you take some time to review what happened during the project and create a final report, concluding it with a couple bullet points of the lessons you learnt from it. If you need a feel of what that looks like, here’s my lessons learned from last semester:

Using OneNote is a waste of time

If you don’t keep up in the beginning, you’re going to show up for attendance and give the bare minimum to move on

You need to learn how to speak up during class - you know the answer, what’re you so nervous about?

Don’t fear marking up your books - it’s yours??? You paid for it??? Using highlighters are useful if used appropriately

Be careful about helping people - you’ve been caught four times helping friends while they kept stuff from you and got ahead

Y’all I had to stop myself lol. I planned to write my top three, but then kept clicking enter again and again. Well. Now you know my concerns. 

Getting back on track though, you should take some time to write down the stuff you learned from last semester’s experience to know what you’re going to take with you, and what you’ll quit doing. It’s a strong, positive start, and it prevents you from making the same mistakes again.

delete/move stuff off your phone + organize your laptop’s folders

It’s better to keep our phones clear and ready for the new semester’s mess, right? I have a bunch of screenshots, and files, and notes on my phone that I don’t need to keep anymore, but I’m a bit of a hoarder :))) I like to keep stuff in case I wanna look back, be that girl people just know has something they’d need, or hell if I need to retake a class (it’s happened unfortunately). Maybe you got a junior you want to pass your stuff along to. So what do you do? Move it to your laptop of course!

Well, that’s what I do. If you don’t have a laptop, you can upload it somewhere (google drive etc.), attach them on emails, anything that works for you! There’s always somewhere you can put your stuff that’s private and safe.

That goes into my next point - be sure to take the time to reorganize your spaces now. Since I put it on my laptop, I organize my folders to my liking, make sure everything is where it should be with older ones, and create new ones for the coming semester. Just pop on some music, sit down and get cracking. It gives me a pleasant feeling after I look at everything when I’m done.

set up your calendar/planner!

This is a recurring tip that I think is good enough to reiterate. Whatever method you use to keep track of stuff needs to be updated, upgraded, and ready to go! If you’ve used something that failed mid-way through last semester, or you didn’t like but had to keep with it because you were in too deep, put that in your lessons learned record. Here’s your chance to change to a better system. It’s fine if you already started your new term - it’s still early enough to switch/set up a new one!

Make sure you don’t overdo it though. The point of this is to keep track of, say, assignments and quiz dates, not spend an unnecessary amount of time organizing and stuff and falling into the pit of preparing to study. If it works for you and has been working for you - keep going! But if it’s taking time and having any negative correlation to your performance, it’s better to do away with it than to keep going and have it be another lesson learnt next semester. I’ll be the first to say that I tried setting up a bujo for myself - bought markers and washi tape and all - and I gave up after three days of using it. And I set up an entire month and then some. It hurt my soul to admit that it was a waste of time for me, and not keep beating at it, but I did, and now it’s sitting here mocking me everyday. But I have time to watch it mock me ;) 

My go-to organizational system: Microsoft To-do (not sponsored :((), phone’s calendar, phone’s notepad. That’s it.

create a night routine

People usually say fixing your sleep schedule and having a night/morning routine is good, but in my opinion, a night routine is stronger than both. For some reason, for the life of me, I can’t get my sleep schedule right unless some force stops me from staying awake. I tried getting in bed early and throwing my phone across the room - but I’d lay there for hours thinking about the next day so I don’t bother anymore. The morning routine just ruins my mood because I’d either fail miserably and feel worse, or feel overwhelmed. It’s better if both happen either circumstantially or organically for me. 

Night routines set an easy-going mood, and it’s full of potential because it also sets the scene for the next day. By night routine, I don’t mean what you do before you sleep, I mean the consecutive things you do every night. For example, I play a round of games with my siblings (card games and board games), then shower, do my skin care routine (wash-toner-moisturizer that’s it lol), watch a video as I’m combing my hair (and then watch a couple more), feed my turtle, and then see what I want to do. Sometimes I sleep right after, other times I’m on my phone or reading a book. But just this set of recurring events calms me down when my life is chaotic, and it’s easier and more doable than morning routines for me.

Action:

Now we’ve set the scene, so it’s action time (I’m so lame). 

don’t let work pass you by

In regards to studying, this is the - BIGGEST - tip I can ever give you. The ironic thing is, it’s still going to happen no matter how much you try, and that can damper your mood and your drive, but here’s my tip: MILK IT FOR ALL IT’S WORTH!! 

If you know it’s going to happen eventually, don’t let it affect you - focus all your efforts not in doing it everyday, but maintaining it for as long as you possibly can. Don’t let your studies pass you for even a second. Work it like you work a job as long as you can, and you’ll end up surprising yourself on how much you had completed when you gotta review for quizzes and exams. 

You know how they say exercise and earn your shower everyday? How about study and earn your play time everyday :)))

if it does, work backwards

So we’re here. You’re behind by two weeks. Like I mentioned up there, we knew we were going to end up here eventually (and if you didn’t, share your ways lol. no matter how much I cred myself with studying and getting shit done, I still don’t know what’s going on), so now what do we do? Work backwards. The prof/teach is at point S and you’re still curling the bottom of J? Start from S and go to R, then Q, then P....while maintaining the new stuff you’re learning after S. Pinch it in. We should aim to follow the class as much as we can so it’s more effective to study backwards and keep going with it. It’ll also help killing the thing that’s refusing to let you go faster with the beginning stuff, and you’ll be reviewing what you learnt in real time along with the class. 

Don’t know why I said the previous tip was the best I had to offer when we both know that this one is the real G.

pathetic notes are still notes

This one is a weird one - I had an issue with notes for a beat. I have this belief that you should always make notes every class, no matter how much new stuff you learn, but then there’ll be days where I write three lines and it just hurts my soul for some reason. I guess it’s the incomplete page? The three lines I’ll add tomorrow and face this again? Not sure. But whatever it is, do not stop writing notes! If you learn something new that’s not written anywhere, or hell you just wanna jot it down somewhere more accessible, always write it down, no matter how pathetic your notebook’ll look. I had to get over that, so I thought it would be good to mention. Always. Take. Notes. Nothing is too much information on the race to securing your livelihood.

If you can’t get over it, maybe try printing the slides and making your notes on the borders. I started doing this for more technical courses that don’t get a lot of notes, and it works really well having it in one place.

(I should pin a picture, idk, I’m really proud of it.)

starting strong is good, consistency is even better

In the end, that person who walks in stronger than last semester are plenty, but the one who wins in the end is always that one person - what makes them different? They don’t watch the ones who’re running strong in the beginning and mess up their pace by either trying to keep up with them, do more, or discourage them. They maintain a consistent effort and benefit in the end. It’s the story of the hare and the turtle - consistent, slow effort beats rushing and getting out of fuel in the last stretch. 

There was this one semester where it seemed like half my class decided that they were all going to be on all of a sudden, and it threw me off, made me insecure, and then I started comparing myself to them. The only thing that saved me was that I kept my consistent effort in the meantime because I had consequences if I didn’t perform - so at the end of it, it didn’t matter how hard they started. Only two out of the thirteen elevated their rank. And I was where I needed to be, so that feeling was wasted.

Well, not completely wasted now since I’m telling you. Focus on yourself. Stay consistent. It’s good to be aware of where everyone is, and use it to motivate you, but no negative feelings that’ll hold you back. Release it.

(also pro-tip: teachers don’t care about the loud ones, they care about the consistent ones)

Procrastination:

Now we got the ball rolling - how to avoid this monster? Also, if you still haven’t gotten the ball a-tumbling,

what do you fear?

Oftentimes it’s the fear of something that hinders us from starting. My common fears that keeps me procrastinating are fear of failure, fear of taking too long and wasting time, fear of finding out how little I know of the thing I haven’t learnt yet - I could keep going forever. It’s easier ignoring it and treating it like it’s not there than to face it, I know. But we wanna be better, so how can we?

Write down what you feel, get it out, and then study. A lesson I learnt from last semester was that journalling before I studied helped immensely. Just try it for a session - get out what you’re thinking about, and end it with an action item (I’m going to do xyz now) and then do it. It’s like a weight being lifted off of you. I’ve never felt so light studying in my life, I feel. 

do, don’t tell yourself you will, do

shameful self plug: read this to see what I mean (specifically the you don’t need a lot to get started ramble) 

don’t take on more than you can chew

Something that can kill your grind is if you overwhelm yourself by tying yourself down to things you know you won’t be able to handle later on. It kinda plays off the doing too much in the beginning - you’re setting yourself for failure if you don’t think through your decisions, and then fall into procrastination with the things that’d breed the most consequence. So be careful.

I’m not saying don’t apply yourself - it’s really good to get as much experiences (fun and useful) as you can. But don’t let it be at the expense of what matters. Your health, your faith, your studies - all these things matter more than....insert something here....yeah.

start everyday intentional, end every night with intentions

I’ll end it with this. Start your day intentional on getting stuff done, and you can cleanly avoid procrastinating. End it with good intentions for the next one, and you’ll keep this habit going. Whatever that is, finding your happy place, making a to-do list, praying, journalling, talking to someone - always try to wake up with the mindset that this’ll be your day, and end it with a pat on your back and a promise to do better - if you managed or not. Everyday is a new chance. Every midday is a chance. Now is your chance. It’s just a matter of being hungry and taking it.

Ooof I took water breaks writing this, and it still felt like I had more to say. Sorry for the length lol - I hope this helped in any way. And good luck! New semester, same you, new mindset, better results ;))  (I’m so lame lol).

By the way y’all, if you happen to be loud and consistent, share those tips also lol. 

Here’s to our collective success!

[willowaudreykeyes]

Okay: I’ve watched it 4 times and here’s the things about the episode that I find interesting. Or that I’m looking too much into. You guys can all decide because idk.

- Roman seems to make alliterations when he's shocked? He's done it before, but now he's done it again and when he's surprised that Thomas 'lied' or 'tricked' the ticket person.

- Virgil has resting disappointed face even as he eats popcorn.

- Roman is very dramatic about the age thing. "He's in his thirties, he may as well be in his sixties." "Can't think of new excuses quick enough in his old age."

- "I love you" is very big words. Do not use them, or forget them, lightly around Virgil.

- Have they always been on his back so much about lying, or was it only after Janus was introduced?

- Possibility: Romans eyes actually change into hearts when cute guy appears?

- Also: Roman goes into Shakespearean when cute guy appears.

- Roman is so optimistic when it comes to love! But not about other Sides? He's rather pessimistic when it came to Virge (at the beginning) and Janus. And kinda Remus too.

- Roman has used "We don't know if he's not gay" more times then the three can count.

- Pins equals introverts way of talking apparently. I guess that makes sense, since there’s pins for almost every kind of hobby, and Virgil knows this too.

- Roman sounds rather happy when they found out that Nico likes Paramore. Supporting his emo friend and his hobbies right there.

- “The Nightmare Before Christmas” is and will always be a Prinxiety thing. Did you see those star eyes Roman gave? And how happy-surprised Virge was?

- Virgil does think about romance too. “You can live like Jack and Sally, if you want.” Kind of cute.

- Virgil has eyes like a damn hawk. He saw those pins and went full on x10 zoom on them.

- Roman’s got some adorable music happening when more clues appear.

- Sticker/Button System must be followed or Virge no happy.

- Roman is almost as good as Patton with puns, except he has to explain it. Has he done that before? I feel like he has. I feel like this is a thing but I’m not sure.

- Roman and Virgil have about the same wavelength when it came to the creepy stalking-ish part. They both cringe when Thomas goes off to the side.

- If you use a word at the end of a sentence that sounds like a name at Roman, he thinks you got his name wrong. He did it at some other point I can’t remember when but he does this. Kind of feels like a autism and/or ADHD trait? (I know I for sure get confused sometimes)

- “Great... he’s gay” “Great indeed...” “GREAT INDEED” I love them. Just gonna say that again.

- Roman has this big thing about his name and it doesn’t seem like its a thing he’s faking? He seems genuinely confused. The one that’s two above mentions it, and the way he spelt it at the trial? And how he seemed very defensive when Janus spelt it wrong? This is a thing.

- Virgil is a self-proclaimed expert of anti-social etiquette and I say he deserves that title. 

- Virgil also really likes non-verbal ways of communicating. 

- Roman does the thing where you put your two pointer fingers together and its adorable.

- Fast head nod of agreement coming from Roman here. Over dramticness? Or actual quirk?

- Roman very much freaks out when flirting goes wrong. Not just a Virgil thing. 

- Virgil be scaring Thomas with zero regrets when he lost his test that the Universe gave him.

- Virgil be very glad to admit when he’s panicking. He also has admitted when he’s anxious in the past. He knows it, acknowledges it, makes Thomas and the others deal with it because dealing with it isn’t in the job description.

- Roman’s fine with compromise! Virgil gives an idea that attempts to help the romance part, Roman’s not 100% happy but rolls with it. Besties right here (even if they don’t know it). He does have a limit though.

- Nicknames are forever with Roman.

- Virgil is on Thomas’ left side, the more ‘thinky’ side of the brain. Roman is on the right, the more ‘feely’ side of the brain. It’s kind of more obvious in the scene where they grab Thomas a lot.

- Roman really slips with his feelings when he’s stressed. He says stuff that’s usually more about his self-worth. “You’re making a mistake.” “If I am, I’ll add it to the list.” That was said under a lot of stress and frustration. He’s done it before and he’s done it again; except now they don’t address it and it’s just a passing sentence.

- pLaNt

- Virgil would rather embarrass Thomas by making him talk to a stranger, instead of the guy that he thinks is cute? I mean, its very embarrassing by the end of it and Virge barely seems affected by it.

- And now Virgil is compromising. He works with Roman to make sure that Thomas looks okay (the “check your teeth” line).

- idk wtf the sty’s thing is about. Weirdly placed anxiety over it? Or something?

- Roman is very impulsive and basically throws Thomas into the trash can when a bad thing happens in front of a lot of people. Ego was definitely hurt there. Why hide instead of run away? Did Virgil sorta influence that?

- Plans help anxiety. Pretty sure they’ve covered that topic before, but lets just do a recap in this I guess.

- Virgil is half the people on this platform “Cyberstalking... but real life”. I mean, everyone makes a metaphor that has an actual word behind it sometimes. 

- “Try Speaking from the heart” ... I expected Patton, but there has been moments before where a Side who is expected to be there, isn’t there. Logan showed this in “Moving On” when he physically left but he never REALLY left. Patton showing up to add his own words to this may have been too much for him? Or he thought it would be for the others?

- Ah crap here’s the monologue-

- First off, it’s very honest. Full on honesty. With no holding back. And it really hit the feels; but is it realistic though? (Genuinely asking I’ve never been in that kind of situation)

- Very rambly too “I honestly don’t know what I’m doing at the mall today. I don’t know what I was looking for... I guess that answers my question- The mall is where you go when you want something but you don’t know what it is because the mall has everything.” Very rambly, very nervous, very honest.

- Roman and Virgil are very... in awe? Shocked? What is this? Roman looks so contemplative as he looks at himself in the mirror and I wanna be in his brain and know what he’s thinking.

- “I don’t know a lot about anything. Least of all, myself.” Okay, Janus just pulled all the way away for a full minute and forty-eight seconds (this is 99% accurate) to just let Thomas talk and feel didn’t he? This is just complete honesty.

- Anyone would be awkward with the guy coming out of that stall. I’m awkward thinking about it and seeing it again. Moving on-

- “I gotta stop wooing strangers in bathrooms” just a 3000 word fic of at least one other time that he’s done this and I will be yours forever

- Virgil is a dramatic emo who dislikes lying. Crossed arms, waiting outside for him, looks up when he says “you know what I meant”- They’re all part of an actor your at least a LITTLE dramatic.

- Virgil has a big thing about lies and relationships. This has to do with him and Janus’ relationship somehow- It’s about Thomas’ relationships with friends and his romantic life too. He didn’t seem as annoyed about them in the ‘Lies’ song way back when which didn’t mention lying about any type of relationship.

- “Can’t have true love if the relationship isn’t built on truth.” Is this what he was thinking about in the bathroom? Its a cute line either way. 

- Okay, Roman and Janus have some kind of... something. Cause a lot of Roman’s talks about his goals for Thomas pushes Thomas into relying on Janus until Roman realises that it’s morally bad OR (as seen in the talk after the bathroom scene) when he realises that it’ll be bad for Thomas in the long run.

- “Will (D)deceit continue to be the answer to all of your problems? Is that fair to him?” HIM WHO!? Janus or Nico!? Both!? AHHHH! This could mean so much in any direction you throw it but I can’t find the dang words!! “No, he’s better off without me.” This could just be Thomas misunderstanding the ‘him’ Virgil means too or he does understand idk-

- “I was afraid you left!” *INSERT TWO SIDES SCREAMING HERE* Hahaha he’s literally screaming on the inside omg-

- “He fears things too!?” Virgil doesn’t understand how people work when he’s worked up. Duly noted.

- Roman and Virgil equals A Gay Panic

- Thomas’ first thought when panicked is to ask the guy, that he thinks is cute and has been trying to get the attention of for the last while, ‘what is wrong with you?’ ... 10/10 Thomathy

-  .Roman seems... a little resigned that another ‘chance at happiness’ is walking away? I mean, he’s super sad but resigned to his fate. That’s sad as hell. He’s USED TO THIS and I don’t like that 😢

- Virgil’s scene where he looks between, NOT Thomas, but Nico and Roman, is really well done and filled with... a lot. He psyches himself up first of, taking in quick breaths before pushing Thomas, obviously afraid but still doing it anyway. And the look he gives a very resigned Roman looks like its both guilt and sadness. Could just be me thinking that he has a ‘this is my fault’ thing.

- Full on surprise on Roman’s face when Virgil pushes Thomas. No one was expecting that.

- Carrots. The carrots brought them together. Thomas... you don’t have to eat carrots, but at least say ONCE that they aren’t all bad.

- “I like songs” you’ve also written some and sung x5 as many but okay, go with that I guess. (Is this to not brag about being a singer right away? I guess so?)

- If Nico was writing about something that happened midway through his visit to the food court, what was he writing about before that? Did he have nothing until Thomas tripped over the bin?

- “I tend to waste a lot of opportunities in my life” Then cuts to Virgil. Ouch. Direct hit on Virge...

- BRAVERY. (i’ll get back to this-)

- “Shut up, emo.” No complicated nicknames; just the easy picking. Very cute. Very yes. Roman your a sap and its great.

- When Thomas is telling Roman to ‘get out’, he sinks down and is he biting his thumb? He’s still excited. And I’m adding ‘biting’ to his list of stims.

- Virgil claps his hands.  Roman and Virgil both cover their mouths. Both yell. Manic hand movements. Virgil gets Thomas to walks around and flappy hands. (And the nervous pee too I guess?)

- OKAY. EYESHADOW. Big thing, also new. I believe that it may be him ‘growing’ as a Side. First, he believed that he was JUST Thomas’ anxiety. Then comes to term with being more then that, which helps him become a ‘Light Side’. And now, he’s learnt that ‘fear’ and ‘bravery’ can both be present at the same time and is now growing from that as well. So, his back and forth between black and purple could mean a back and forth of the ‘fear’ and ‘bravery’ aspects. Thomas about to send a bad tweet? Black. Optimistic about things ‘never being the same again’? Purple. Thomas bringing up that they just met? Black. Its a promising start? Purple again.  Purple when something optimistic, its purple. Pessimistic, its black. There’s a thing happening there.

- And also, lots of smiley Virgil when he goes purple. Brave enough to smile? Or optimistic enough to be truly happy about it?

- “Join me! No thinking!” Okay, all the ‘Roman Himbo’ stans have already gone nuts over this so I’ll keep going XD

- Roman’s first date idea is to go to France immediately and I love him for being so honestly over-the-top

- Dogs are the demons of anxiety its now a fact. They even bring out the Tempest Tongue, despite hearing the dog “thirty times a day”.

- Do not tell Virgil to relax. Black eyeshadow. Very on brand tbh. He does not relax and you should know this by now Roman.

All in all; I love them and the entire episode ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜