#and id get berated
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another sunday, another ask game!!! i think it would be so fun to build a hear me out cake bc i think you guys would DELIVER on actual hear me out worthy characters. i think this game would be perfect for going on anon but since i cant do that ill just go ahead and say that this is mine
#like shiiit id pay ALL of monster universityâs tuition if i could sit there while she berates mâ[gunshots]#u dont hwve to go on anon if u donât want to u can also just comment#if enough people do this i wanna make a tier list#also speaking of monsters inc iâm just gonna say that alfredo reminded me HEAVILY of that bird looking frat guy#bug eyes and all#sunday ask game đ#<< official ask game tag. because baby i have about 5 more i wanna go thru#oh! btw if ur still reading this far just wanna let yall know i have to go to work#so if anyone sends anything and i donât reply i promise im not repulsed im just getting yelled at by the sunday brunch crowd#which isnât very âi just came from churchâ of them but whatever
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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.
#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha#NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly#and stealing from me ïżœïżœ#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist#a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw#and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. đ§#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that#unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it#and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. đ#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship#like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship#i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall#bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared#anyways enough oversharing#i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out đ#my post
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i feel mad at my dad but i need to stop gafing but it hurts my feelings a bit
#txt#id be lying if i said me being told im his favourite repeatedly only to get called a bitch and for him to run up the stairs to berate me#wasnt scary . i thought he was going to get physical with me#he was phsyically slamming things
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Everyday when I go to get my train theres a poster that says "x in 20 people have considered suicide. Why wont you talk about it?" Or smt to that and everything i think "uhhh bc they would lock me in psycho jail forever đ„°"
LMAO REAL my mom hit me with the "you must not be getting better because you wont be honest with your therapist" yeah a trip to the psych ward, missing all that pay from my job, and becoming homeless would totally finally be the thing that makes me wanna live!
#also mom maybe id get better if you and your husband werent constantly verbally berating me and threatening me violently#just a thought teehee#asks
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i wonder if age plays a part in chatot bashing tbh. bc im realizing that as i've grown up, i appreciate the nuances of chatot's character more and more and recognize that he's basically a guy who desperately needs a vacation to unwind. meanwhile i also hate watchog more and more as i age
#which is weird bc you'd think id hate him more as a kid. but no i think hes all the more pathetic to me as an adult#bc hes a guy power tripping and berating children. nd children specifically. like he specifically gets pleasure from it#hes a lot more. specifically triggering for me in that way i think#meanwhile i never got the vibe that chatot specifically gets pleasure out of what he does. i mean hes not like begrudgingly doing it#but its more neutral. like its a part of his job. hes very matter of fact. at most hes kinda snippy#and the worst thing he does also just doesnt even make sense with the worldbuilding. like... you should have apples to eat at that point#theres a restaurant you can go to#so its like a thing you can very easily write out. which i do personally lol. but you cant do that for watchog#maybe its that less ppl have that personal childhood beef with watchog the way they do chatot#echoed voice
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Suddenly remember how stupid the entire job searching is.Itâs already hard to find even the most simple job bc those fuckers just want to exploit workers for free (esp in game industry and their âââart testsâââ) and how even retails jobs require (event itâs not written, but we all know itâs there) university diploma, and even if you get to interview, they start nitpicking your looks, demanding to change.
Like nope, dyed hair is one of few thing that keep me alive, it will never change it. Cmon you are just grocery store line, how my hair can impact my working ability?? Youâre not some elite/government institution to hold any sort of image standart djhjfgnf
Ofc itâs even hard bc youâre disabled, but itâs mental disability so you canât get any accommodations, or even mention you need any bc you will lose the job instantly.
And then those ppl have the audacity to complain that we donât want to work %)
#vent#its a bit random but its just one of thing i keep thinking how i spent a long time to find a job and i just couldn't#bc my existence wasn't up to arbitrary standard#which being art freelancer is my only choice to survive but all recent things made it difficult#and they you hear ppl berating freelancers for existence#and its not tech bros#and its the entire movement that the art freelance is terrible idea and tryin to convinve ppl to just get a normal job#which isnt option for me bc im mentally ill#i'm sersily not kidding when i see that doing art is my one and ONLY way of income#any others jobs subject me to even more abuse and torture#which will lead to suicide WAY faster#and tbh i dont think i wanna be abused anymore#i had enough id 11 years u endures in school#and even more isolation and berating i felt in university for 3 years#and 5 years of abusive 'step-dad'#like nope i dont want any of this shit i rather die
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Nothing pisses me off more than being up and ready and the fucking people around me are TAKING FOREVER.
Why was I up at 9, ready to fucking leave and mfs are fucking around just vibing. The fuck.
#j.p speaks#12:50 bus and we leave at 12.#when I was ready by 10#..but if I did this id get berated đ
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what fucking else is there to do
#i need to be berated i need to fight i need to be told this is my fucking fault because it is and im already telling myself that but another#voice is gonna get me to actually do something. out of shame but at least ill fucking do something#i wish i could forgo meds. i wish i could. but if i stopped i would rot away in bed alone and be an even worse burden#honestly id probably be kicked out by the parentals like i wonder if theyd even care if i started rotting away or just fuck my life bc#im not their kid and i dont like them anyway so any support they give is fucking nothing because theyre not even good parents anyway#im so tired
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Thinks oh so hard abt raccoon au printing pod doomed yuri.... What if you were a robot in love with your fellow robot but your past human selves had to fuck it all up and murder eachother đ
#rat rambles#oni posting#for context in the raccoon au both olivia and jackie get printing podded dw abt the logistics too much imagine joshua was involved or smth#but basically olivia semi unintentionally ai-ed the two of them after severely wounding jackie#it was the climax of years of brewing resentment and rage so she was acting quite irresponsibly#the two as pods both awken around the same time on different planetoids#you see the reason Im so committed to this idea is not just because of fun character stuff but also because of hypothetical gameplay stuff#the idea of starting on two planetoids that your dupes cant physically travel between but still having to manage both colonies through#teamwork between both colonies has always been an idea Ive been a big fan of#plus I get to imagine the two talking to eachother not knowing that they're like so mega divorced and also they both kind of sucked in life#and by kind of I mean one did an attempted murder and the other was jackie lol#it also gives me the fun space to play in to compare how I imagine ai jackie would be like compared to ai olivia#I imagine her being a lot more eager to build her colony at first until she starts finding gravitas stuff and starts throwing hissy fits#and by that I mean she gets genuinely rly upset and tried to go into denial before eventually cracking under the weight of her own memories#shed try to disctract herself with progress but since the dupes are deliberately designed to avoid progress shed get frustrated fast#now the duped Can invent new things and grow but jackie wouldn't know that and she'd assume they literally can't#she doesnt view her dupes very kindly and without the carrot of progress she'd start spiraling fast I think#this mixed with raccoon au stuff makes for a very messy combination since not only is there the this was all for nothing feeling but also#the this in question involved actively backstabbing the person she loved most and watching as she grew to hate her so much that she#attempted an actual murder against her and somewhat succeeded#and also said person is still around and is berating you for breaking down because she's better at repressing her memories than you#raccoon au jackie is rly the only one I think itd be particularly interesting to keep around post world ending because she already had some#very repressed guilt before the end so the idea of peeling off the film on that amd letting her pop is fun to me#I also like the idea because it forces olivia into a position where shes left for the rest of time with a woman she hated#and not knowing what to do with that as she finds herself feeling less and less towards the woman she one loved and hated#for raccoon au jackie removing her from the life she had before makes it all crash down on her that much harder#and for raccoon au olivia removing her from it makes it all feel oh so small in retrospect#this ofc differs massively from how Id characterize canon olivia and jackie as canon jackie would likely make for a much more boring pod#and rabbit au jackie can't be there because then shed just reassure olivia that shes done nothing wrong ever and theyd go back to their#doomed codependent toxic yuri ways for the rest of time
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Growing up I was often told I was lazy. Now that I'm a workaholic that can't leave I realized they're the lazy packrats that I now have to clean up after.
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I don't share
Pairing: Possessive!König x Fem!Reader
Summary: König doesn't like sharing you, which is exactly why you had been married for almost ten years and none of his comrades knew about you. At least, not until he drunkenly spilled the beans and you showed up the next day with a box of cookies..
Warnings: Bondage! MDom! Doggy! CreamPie! OverStim! Oral(M2F)!
König was very secretive of his personal life on account of his social anxiety. He had been transfered to Task Force 141 for a while and had made pretty good friends with them, but of course, one night TF141 was making fun of him while drinking and in his own drunken haze he blurted out something that didn't go unnoticed,
"If you keep making fun of my wife, I'll kill you. Oh wait, that sounded like a joke; I will actually kill you."
He was very protective and possessive of you, which you didn't mind in the slightest. But he had accidently revealed that he had a wife, and everyone kept pestering him about it.
"I bet she's a strong lass aye? Big as an Ox! Only person that makes sense fer a mountain" Soaps slurred comment made him scoff as König kept sipping on his vodka, aggravated and embarrassed.
"What she do fer a living König? She a construction worker or somethin?"
König looked at Gaz with bewilderment. "A construction worker? where the hell did you get that? Gott.. Nein she's a baker."
Even Ghost was muttering how she probably had massive arms to carry 8 trays at once of protein bars. König kept to himself the rest of the night before returning home to you.
"Hi mein Liebe, I'm home." He pressed a kiss on your forehead, stripping off his tactical vest and mask then kicking off his boots.
"How was your night with the boys? Was it fun?"
He lied down on top of you, burying his face in your chest, crushing your small frame as he huffed annoyed.
"Kept making fun of you...Arschlöcher.. kept sayin you were a big burly lady.."
You snorted, running your fingers through his hair. You told him to ignore them because they didn't know what they were talking about, they were just trying to get a rise out of him.
He sighed, content in your arms as he fell into a drunken sleep on top of you, the crushing pressure more than welcomed.
The next day you decided to surprise König on base with a little gift. The guards of course did not believe that you were his wife so you pulled out the marriage certificate and your spouse ID card to shove it in their face. They were gob smacked as they discovered he had a wife and informed you he was currently at the cantina.
You were directed where to go, a box of chocolate chip cookies in had as you made your way there. Once inside, the place gradually got quiet as you made your way over to your husband giddy as his back faced you.
König was currently berating his friends about making fun of you again until he noticed that they weren't even paying attention, they were looking behind him.
He turned, and there you were, barely meeting his eye level while he was sitting, a box of cookies in hand adorned in a pleated pink skirt and a white tank top with a knit sweater and chunky white heels.
"Surprise! I brought you cookies Liebe!"
The horror that flooded his gaze was unmatched. He quickly wrapped around you to hide you from onlookers, glaring in their direction.
"Mein Liebe, what are you doing here? You are for my eyes only!"
You pouted into him, pushing off of his chest, "I wanted to surprise you," His eyes softened and he huffed, turning to glare at the men at the table who were still gaping in your direction.
"Thas your wife König? The lass is like half your size!" Soap stared on in horror, you could tell what he was thinking about so you hid in his shirt.
"Let's go." He stood, throwing you over his shoulder and flattening your skirt over your ass. Your face was red as you tried to keep the box from being crushed, and you just stared down, completely embarrassed.
"König put me down!" You kicked your legs, trying to fight him off, but he just smacked your ass and carried you out of the cantina, everyone completely silent.
"What the hell just happened." Ghost shrugged at Soaps comment and just kept eating silently.
König had carried you all the way to his quarters, gently placing you on the bed. The blood had rushed to your head so you were bright red.
He knelt, taking off your shoes and rubbing at your sore feet.
"Why did you think this was a good idea mein Liebe? Hmm?"
"I just wanted to bring you a treat.. I thought you'd like seeing me here.."
König sighed, kissing your shin before he looked up at you with his piercing gaze.
"Lamm, I can't keep my eyes off of you, which means neither can other men. I'm the only one that gets to look at you. Du bist mein."
You huffed and averted your gaze, cheeks a bright pink as you handed him a cookie.
"Still, you didn't have to make a scene.." He simply chuckled and stood.
"I know you like it when I toss you around Liebling, you cant fool me. I know you loved the attention."
He caged you in on the bed, prompting you to lie on your back, legs hanging off the edge. You pulled up his mask to reveal his mouth and pressed your lips to his. König groaned softly, slanting his lips against yours, intensifying the kiss.
You moaned and panted into his mouth, whimpering at the flavor of his tongue against yours. He ran a hand up your thigh, squeezing your soft skin in his calloused hands.
He pulled away to attack your neck, sucking and biting at the exposed skin
"K-König.. what if someone sees-!"
"Don't care.. they need to know who you belong to... Du bist mein..."
You squirmed underneath him, far too excited at the attention he was giving you, especially when he slipped a finger under your panties and rubbed at your sloppy folds.
"ScheiĂe.. du bist so wet for me Liebe.."
You watched with dazed eyes as he slid off the bed onto his knees, dragging you to the edge of the bed where he ripped off your underwear and started sucking on your clit. You immediately grabbed at the fabric of his mask and threw your head back, arching into his mouth as you moaned loudly.
König quickly sunk two fingers into your wet cunt, rubbing at your sensitive walls as he fucked you with his hand. You met his gaze and whimpered as he continued eating you out like a starved man. He moaned against your pussy as you came on his hands and face, plenty of slick being absorbed into the fabric hiding his face.
A soft whine escaped as he cleaned up your mess with his tongue, savoring every drop of your arousal. He stood, sucking his fingers clean as he stared down at your spent form lying limply on the bed.
"Braves MĂ€dchen.."
You lied there, staring at him as you tried to grasp a single thought after that mind blowing orgasm, but you just blushed when you noticed his dick straining against his pants.
"What is it Liebling? You want more? Dirty little slag..."
Gnawing on your lip, you nodded, completely drunk on his attention. The sound of his belt being unbuckled and shucked from his pants immediately made you throb for him.
He bound your wrists with the belt, flipping you on your stomach so you were bent over the side of the bed. You had to stand on your toes, causing your legs to shake at the stretch.
"König.. Please.." He chuckled at your desperate plea as he forced your knees back onto the bed so your hips met his. He rubbed the head of his cock along your slick folds, teasing you by swiping over your clit.
You whined, burying your face further into the mattress as the friction of the blanket rubbed against your knees. König sunk the head of his cock into you, eliciting a pitiful moan as he stretched you wide, this fat cock stuffing into you inch by inch.
He groaned softly at the friction, praising you for taking him so well, "It's like you were made for me Mein Liebe, wrapped so fucking tight around me... ScheiĂe.."
He slowly pulled out then sunk back in, reveling in the feel of your gummy cunt wrapping tight around his meaty shaft. You whined, pressing against him to meet each thrust, tears staining the mattress as you took his cock.
König nearly growled every time you sucked him back in, head thrown back as he pulled your hips against his.
"I don't share Liebling.. You're all mine.. Only I get to see you.. get to fuck you... ScheiĂe.."
He moaned as you tightly squeezed around him, creaming on his dick. He watched as a ring of white collected at the base of his cock, stuffing it all the way in before spurting thick ropes of cum into your cunt.
He pulled out slowly, his cum leaking down your thighs as you whimpered at the empty feeling. He gently undid the belt around your wrists and pressed a kiss to your forehead through his mask.
"Stay there Liebling, Ill clean you up.."
König stepped away to get a washcloth soaked in warm water, gently cleaning off the arousal that had covered your legs and folds, placing a gently kiss on your ass and putting your underwear, socks and shoes back on for you.
"Now let's get you out of here, I don't need anyone else looking at my beauty.." you just nodded slowly and tried to rise on shaky legs. Clinging to his arm, he walked you back to your car, many onlookers staring in shock and utter horror.
He raised his mask above his nose and pressed a soft kiss to your lips before letting you leave. When you started the car, window still rolled down, he listened intently to the radio, realizing you were listening to his playlist.
Rein, Raus
Rein, Raus
Rein, Raus..
You flushed, turning down the radio and meekly met his gaze, "I like that song.. Reminds me of you.."
His piercing blue eyes told you all you needed to know. When he got home, you wouldn't be going anywhere for a while.
Because he was going to make sure you couldn't walk.
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youre inviting me? sure!!
Uhhhhh.... wisdom saga was supercalifragilisticexpialodocious....
Anyways, more Aeolus (+Ody)
Ib: @gigizetz
#aeolusâ discord#aeolus reblogs#id argue aeolus needs five to ten minutes in the corner#but therapy works too#can get verbally berated for being a little bitch probably#in therapy terms#so it hits harder
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...
#im really just ranting so pleasr ignore this post it really isnt that serious i just need to vomit it all out before i crash#i wish i knew who i was i wish i knew who i was going to be who i would havr been before everythong went to shit#before my parents beat my soul into submission before i retreated into myself so hard im killing myself just trying to come out again#i dont know who i am or what i want or even how to begin ttying any of that#my therapist started saying all the same things my dad would say abiut me and about my qork and about my life#id been with her for over 5 years so maybe she is right maybe my dad was right maybe my parents were right maybe i do deserve nothing#i hate my body but my partner says its beautiful i can barely face the day but my partner is happy when i do#they say my parents were wrong in so many ways but why is it taking me so long to prove it#ive been bad my whole life o was a bad kid a bad friend a bad adult but i wanna be goood so bad ii might puke#i know i can be good but why cant i prove it why is it stopping me why cant i push my my brain why cant i hit the override and just LIVE#its hard being 25 when i didnt think id make it to 15#its hard living when all you want to do is give up i want to give up i wish i could and maybe a few years ago i would have#but now for the first time in my life i want to live i want to do good but my brain body and soul have no idea how#i think im autistic and the worst part is realizing how much of me that is how much i should havr been cared for#i have to learn how to live in the world but the world is so scary and it hurts and my therapist talkrd a lot about getting used to it#she wanted me to dive in and didnt understand no matter how many qays i tried to explain to her how much it painrd me to try it her way#i wish i could just do it that i could grin and bear it but i cant anymore i cant just do it#i wish i could just become who i was supposed to be someone without the pain and the torture and the constant berating#someone who can have a job and cook dinner and still feel whole after it all#i jist want to live i want to be good i want to get better and i feel like peeling my skin off my body i feel like ripping out my teeth#it makes me feel awful every time i cant do sometbing because i was getting better i couod feel it and now im in hell this is worse#i feel like im experiencing depression for the first time all over again ivw never been so violently thrown bacj into the pit#please i want out i want to hear creaks without thinking someone is 8n my home i want to clean like someone isnt watching me#i want to move around my home like i dont expect to be graded i want to be able to sleep at night and not have tomorrow ruined by flashback#im so so tired and for the first time in my life o dont wanna give up i wanna be better but i dont know how#every time i try to get help something goes wrong and i run out of insurance soon so im probably just fucked#my antidepressants arent doing shit and my birth control makes everything harder and i jist wish i could take medication and live#im tired im tired but ive been crying in the bathroom for over an hour because sometbing so stupid triggered me#and now im a child again and i have work tomorrow and i cant scream and cry into my partner cause they have work#they work so hard for us and i can barely do a day im so fucking pathetic and yet they stay with me
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If I could go back in time in my own life events and not change anything but just show up to be like "hey what the fuck" I'd go back to when I was working at Tim Hortons and everyone kept treating my phobia of bees- and it WAS a phobia I straight up had a panic attack one day, the first I'd ever had even if I didn't realize what it was until years later, like some kind of inconvenience to THEM and I'd smack a few grown adults treating a teenager like shit for something I genuinely could not help. Like idk why so many grown assed adults felt the need to treat me the way they did but if I had the opportunity to go back I'd tell them to fuck off and if they don't understand how psychology works they should shut the fuck up and stop being cruel to a teenager because of their own ignorance. Like sorry you don't know how phobias work, stop telling me to get over it and kill the fucking 45 bees in the store stressing me out the the point of fucking panic attacks, I do not know why anyone would act like that for attention but I assume that's what they thought I was doing since no one took me seriously.
Then I'd tell Lara, Shawna, and Stephanie to stop bitching that they're the only ones who do XYZ because all fucking three of them did all that shit and everyone ELSE messed up their work and I'm tired of hearing about it especially when I've only ever seen me do XYZ thing but when *I* say it-and I've never said anything like it again- I immediately get told off because someone did XYZ yesterday so obviously I should shut up even though I never EVER saw anyone else clean the fucking dishwasher the whole time I was at that job. Doesn't mean no one did but Jesus, I say I do X thing more than anyone else once and get told off when EVERYONE knew Lara, Shawna, and Stephanie organized the back EVERY shift since all three literally never shut up about allegedly being the only ones to do that and apparently THEY never got told off for overstating their shit?? Really??
Then I'd steal donuts because why not lmao, the owner of that Tims also sucks and should be legal to steal his stuff donuts or his houses or his cars or his wife, either way đđđ
#winters ramblings#seriously though i think about that job and the way i was treated as a TEENAGER and i want to slap a lot if adults#that should have known better like what the fuck. that diesnt even get inti being CONSTANTLY berated over drive thru times#either. the goal was 24 secinds and we usually hovered around 30-32 and 6-8 seconds was enough to treat us like GARAGE#if i went back in time 200% id look rob in his stuoid face and tell him if 6-8 second will break this business it DESERVES to be broken#because it ckearly wasnt built well if 6-8 seconds if waiting for food can kill it#hell i wish i quit that job in grand fashion instead if just leaving that job fucking SUCKED and so did everyone in it
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â° Shared Thoughts â°
A Francis Mosses x GN!reader, chapter 1
Warnings: Gets steamy but no smut, no pronouns for reader but afab anatomy is used, francis calls reader âdarlingâ, he also pleads for like one sentence ik you guys like that, not proofread <3 this is so bad and so self-indulgent i'm so sorry
Word Count: 1.7k
The tenant grumbled, barely keeping open your tired eyes, latching onto your ID and entry request as you waited for your turn to be interrogated just so you could be let into your own home. For a while, you thought the precaution was stupid until you experienced a âcode redâ for yourself. Typically, you were amongst the last to arrive at the apartment building, considering you worked late nights, almost every night. You didnât mind it, really, as you had lots of free time living alone, so that meant you were home during the early hours of the day when most tenants had left and wouldnât return home for a few more hours, and by that time, youâd be gone yourself.
You knew today would be especially tough entering the building, as you were called in to work suddenly, so you couldnât put in a request in time to be put onto the list for today. Once it was your turn, your trudged along to the window, passing in your papers through the metal slit.
âWhy arenât you on the list?â The doorman asked, brows furrowed, clearing searching for any signs the tenant was a doppelgĂ€nger. âGot called into work suddenly, wasnât able to put my name on the list.â You explained, voice as monotone as ever. The doorman nodded, checking over a few things and making a phone call, before finally letting the tenant in. You gave a small thanks, grabbed your papers back, and walked through the door. Sighing, you stepped into the elevator, ready to press the âfourâ button. As you stepped back against the elevator, all your thoughts and anxieties began surfacing, most of them being of doppelgĂ€ngers. What if the doorman let in one, killing us all? You didnât doubt their abilities, but the thought always crossed your mind, with how often the alarm went off. The elevator stopped with a ding! on the second floor, letting in another tenant of the building, Francis Mosses.Â
You thought of yourself as fairly close with Francis. A lot closer than the typical tenants are with the others. You two enjoyed each other's company, giving small helloâs as you passed by, small talk exchanged whenever heâd deliver the milk youâd ordered. There were a few times, as well, where you hung out at the otherâs place, your shared exhaustion over your careers being a driving factor in the start of your friendship. Now and then, in the pits of night, you found your mind drifting to the thoughts of Francis. How his bicep flexed as he lifted up the milk carrier, his button-up shirt tightening ever so slightly around his arms and elbow, leaving little to the imagination. Or how his sensual, monotone voice sent shivers down your spine. But your relationship was purely platonic of course. These feelings would never be acted upon nor would they be reciprocated⊠âHelloâŠ? Earth to Y/N?â You were snapped out of your thoughts as the familiar voice filled your ears.  âHuh? Oh, sorryâŠâ You mumbled, chuckling awkwardly. âJust.. tired from work.â I was totally not thinking about you⊠You could feel the blood rushing to your cheeks, both out of embarrassment and just from him looking at you.
âMmm⊠OkayâŠâ Francis nodded, albeit suspiciously. You prayed he didnât notice the blush, and if he did, wonât say anything about it. Hopefully, he was up for as much conversation as you were at the moment⊠God knows what you would do to just lay down and take a nap right here. You both stood in awkward silence, avoiding eye contact before Francis got off on the next floor. You breathed a sigh of relief, mentally berating yourself for allowing that to happen. Once the elevator stopped on your floor, you bolted out and headed immediately to your apartment. There was always something so eerie about the hallways that made you want to be in them as little as possible. You struggled a bit with inserting your keys into the keyhole, but eventually, they implied and allowed you in. Closing, and locking, the door behind you, you breathed out, not even aware you were holding your breath. You looked around your apartment, everything in the same place as it was before. Good. No doppelgĂ€ngers have been in your home. The apartment was rather small, but thatâs alright since you were the only person here. It was cozy that way. Trudging through the tiny hallway, you made it to your room, changing out of your work clothes and into some more comfortable ones. Immediately, you plopped down onto the bed and began drifting off to a dreamless sleep. âŠWas that the sound of the phone? Well, itâll be alrightâŠ
After what felt like only a few minutes, you heard someone knocking at your door, rather quickly. Begrudgingly, you sat up and got out of your bed, combing through your hair with your fingers to try to smooth down any bed head that developed in the small frame of time you were sleeping. You stood up, attempting to make yourself slightly presentable. Making your way to the door, you glanced at your rotary phone which sat on a small table next to the couch. You paused for a moment, wondering if the ringing you heard was real, but shrugged, assuming it was nothing. You looked through the peephole of your door, spying the one and only Francis Mosses, at your door. He wasnât in his usual milkman garb, but rather some common, everyday clothes. Quickly, you unlocked your door, opening it to greet Francis. âOh, hello.â You gave him a soft smile, cocking your head slightly. âAre you off the clock?â âYeah, my uh- my shift ended not too long ago.â He swallowed, nodding. âWanted to check on you, you seemed real exhausted earlier.â âWell, you did just wake me from a life-saving nap, but that's alright.â You quip, giving him a smirk as you move out of the doorway, allowing him in.
âOh, Iâm- Iâm sorry, I can goââ âNo, no.â You shake your head, furrowing your brows. âStay, please.â He smiled at you, seemingly relieved you didnât let him go. Internally, you were screaming, he never showed up to your apartment unless you had a pre-planned hang-out session, or he was doing his rounds, delivering the milk. âDo you want anything? A snack, orâŠâ You ask him, walking towards your tiny kitchen. âOh, no, that wonât be necessary.â He said in that monotone voice that made your knees turn to jelly. Francis went and sat on the couch, you following close behind. âI, uhm.â He began, looking away. âI wanted to talk to you⊠Iâve been, thinking a lot. Since we talked in the elevator.â Oh fuck, heâs so creeped out by me, isnât he, you panic internally, but barely manage to scrape together your composure. âOh- Iâm sorry, about that Iââ You started before he interrupted you. âIâve been thinking about⊠you specifically.â He gulped, causing your heart to race. âNow, you can slap me if you think Iâm creepy or anything, but Iâve thought about just us in general for a while, long before the elevator. Y/N, Iââ He grabbed your hand, looking you in the eyes, his own clouded with infatuation and something else you couldnât quite make out. Before he could finish his sentence, you cupped his cheek with your free hand and kissed him with so much desperation your teeth clinked together. He was taken aback by this, not reciprocating, causing you to panic and think you misread the situation so you pulled back, breathing heavily. âFuck, did I- Did I fuck that up? Oh my god, Iâm soââ He cut you off with a kiss of his own, holding the back of your head with his hand, keeping his grasp on you as he kissed you with a lot more passion and less desperation than the first. Immediately, you kissed back, snaking your arms around his neck, smiling into the kiss. He broke the kiss first, to catch his breath. You smiled at him, letting out a small laugh. âYou have no idea how long Iâve waited for that.â âOh, but, I think I do,â Francis smirked, eyes darkening. âIâm a lot more perceptive than I think you realize. Iâve seen the glances youâve stolen.â This caused you to blush and cover your face, burrowing into the crook of his neck. He maneuvered his head to give you a small kiss on your own, still smiling. âItâs cute, âloved knowing at least one person was paying attention to me.â He chuckled as you raised your head, still blushing fervently. He leaned in for another kiss, but this time it was much more needy, resting one hand on the nape of your neck and the other on your hip. Your hands entangled themselves in his hair, pulling your bodies as close together as possible.Â
âIâve thought of you, so many nights.â You whispered between kisses. âTrust me, me too, darling.â Francis groaned, biting down on your lip. You decided to tease him and keep your mouth closed. In turn, Francis snaked the hand on your hip up under your shirt, causing shivers to be sent up your spine, as you moaned into the kiss, which Francis took as an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, exploring every crevice he could, mapping and memorized the sensation. You tugged on his hair, causing a moan from him to vibrate through you as he explored the inside of your mouth, your arousal growing further in your core. He cupped your breast through your bra, causing you to break from the kiss for a moment and moan his name, him looking at you, pleadingly, for consent to go further. You gave him an over-enthusiastic âyesâ just before you kissed him again, but before either of you could continue further on, a loud ring ran through your house, coming from the doorbell. Whimpering a little, disappointed you had to pause your wonderful makeout session with Francis Mosses, you stood up, smoothing out any wrinkles on your clothes. Heading towards the door, you ponder over who it could be. You knew you shouldnât have any visitors today, and you certainly werenât close enough with your other neighbors for a surprise one. As you leaned up to peek through the peephole, all you were met with were eyes just like your own, a face sculpted just like yours, with the most sinister smile plastered on. It was your doppelgĂ€nger.
#francis mosses#thats not my neighbor#francis mosses x reader#francis mosses x you#i need this man carnally#im so down bad its insane#this is also so bad and so self-indulgent#also cross-posted on ao3#tnmn#milkman#milkman x reader
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(Warning: very long rant about growing up religious and aroace. Might delete this in an hour. Idk)
Dear mom and dad,
Do you remember when i was 14, and had my first kiss? You probably dont- for you, it was just another sunday. He was one of my only church friends, and he pulled me, alone, into one of the music rooms after sacrament meeting. You encouraged me to go with him, because you could read the signs i couldnt. He was very polite, but when we kissed and he grabbed my hand on the way out, it felt more wrong than anything id experienced before. I ran back to you, crying, and you walked me through rejecting him. You basically told me that i was just too young, that it would get better, but it certainly didnt feel that way at the time. Every time youve reminisced on it since, it was only to laugh at my expense. At my naievety.
I tried to take your words to heart. I tried to listen each time our church would preach about how essential families were and each time you told me how happy you two were. It didnt work.
Do you remember when i was 15, and i told you, mom, that adopting sounded way better than having biological kids? You got so offended, and i had no idea why. I still dont. You told me it was a natural part of life, that we were supposed to bring children into this world. I tried to explain my reasoning- why would i want my own children when there are those who are suffering on their own? When the thought of procreation made me sick?- but you dismissed it. It was just another day.
Do you remember the brief period when i was 15, when i dated a girl? I assume you dont, because you never found out. I lived in constant fear, because the comments you would make at the dinner table described lgbtq+ as an affront to God, as unnatural. I had thought that men were the problem, and she was my first real partner. But nothing changed, it still felt wrong, and we fell back into only being friends. I hadnt told you about that until today, because i knew exactly what youd say about it. I knew exactly what youd say about me.
Do you remember the boy i met when i was 16? The one with the curly hair and the kind smile. You were always pushing me toward him, because you saw how he looked at me (i saw, too- and i didnt like it). He took me to homecoming, and prom, and danced too close to me for my liking. You always asked if we were a thing yet- and when i said no, you smiled knowingly. I hated that smile. And you smiled that smile for years.
I reconnected with him when i was home over winter break. We hung out once, i told him my sexuality, and he barely reacted. When you asked how it went, i told you i rejected him romantically, but we were still friends. Do you remember what you said, mom? You said, "so you broke his heart and left." I cried that night.
Do you remember when you found my aroace pins a month ago? Im at college in a different state- a religious college you wanted me to go to- and you still made it your priority to berate me for it. I dont know if you could tell how angry i was over the phone, but when you said "asexual and things are just looking for attention", it broke my heart.
Because i figured it out when i was 17. Because it took me two years to finally accept it in a religion that very strongly emphasized the family unit. Because i finally felt accepted, i felt heard, i wasnt being dismissed at every corner. Because i had something to explain why i was like this.
Because i finally didnt feel broken.
I never doubted that you loved me- not once, ever, in my life. Not until you started degrading me for something i couldnt control. Not until you started pressuring me to date people i would much rather be friends with. If youre not going to love all of me, then do you even love me at all?
I hope you know that i still love you, despite everything. But i hate the way you talk to me now, the way you talk to others about me. And i hope that one day, you, too, will realize that im not broken, or affronting God, or unnatural. I hope you realize that im still your child.
I hope you realize im still human.
#aroace#aromantic#asexual#arospec#aro problems#aro#ace#lgbtq community#lgbtqia#lgbt pride#religion#literally just a rant#i am not expecting notes on this at all
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