#and i've got nothing to lose
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jhoons · 2 years ago
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if you could describe yourself as a song, what song are you?
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noxious-fennec · 1 year ago
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Tntduo in 1920's dresses galore (+ regular designs cus I couldn't resist)
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martyryo · 9 months ago
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*posts and crawls back in hell*
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littledemo0n · 2 months ago
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Watched yesterday the TF ONE finally. Glad to say i'll never recover from it :]
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deoidesign · 6 months ago
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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luckytealover · 5 days ago
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Unexpected, but here you go, Phyllida!
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And I know that she won’t get much attention, so here are some sketches with Venti
Sorry not Sorry, but they are buns and only a small number of people will see it anyway...
Plus I'm trying to be brave to show at least some of my pile of oc x canon content :"3
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AHAHA, god, I also found this thing in the back of the gallery. It's very old but it still hits good! :"D
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wizardlyvassal · 8 months ago
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trying to not lose my mind over the wording in this post hussie made regarding cascade (I am failing) (I am losing it and spinning in circles)
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khihi · 1 year ago
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sorry for no posts last night, I fucking died
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folkloregirlfriend · 18 days ago
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i hate feeling ambitionless aimless the future is so bleak
#this is about me not the events#i really don't think i have a plan lol and i ever will...#because all through school i had this thing. need to pass this unit test this half yearly this 2nd unit test final exams need to do this#cocurricular activity and the absolute relief when i flipped the report to see i was promoted every year. that was the aim right#now i don't know what's happening#a set set of friends i met everyday sat next to permanent place in the field where we had lunch. like?#it was all so permanent#i knew teachers did not like me or how people there felt about me#and i think a lot of it comes from the fact that i never changed schools#14 years in the same place then one random tuesday it ends everything ends and im supposed to start from scratch#losing friends was all my fault but goddddddf. i used to be good at things#like when i was in 10th grade i gave my everything to studying maths because mom threatened me that if do not get science here we'll change#your school#to wherever you get science#so i studied like crazy did not touch my phone for months and got science#like that is my level of attachment to that place#i just miss it so much probably more than my own home#and i can't belong anywhere because i'm so stuck and nothings good enough and i miss being good and being academically productive#it was my only win i think#this is so sad but i don't think i'll ever get that past work ethic back and it will never be good enough for me to feel good about myself#which can only be through study or work because im a loser who thinks she's worthless if not for a successful career#and I've felt this way for three years now. it is going to be permanent#everything is lonely
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naivety · 20 days ago
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not even saying it's a good thing because i am so far beyond checked out at this point but i cannot fathom nailbiting over this election after more than a year of genocide, after every single 395 days of it. like i can but i can't. the truth is americans will sleep just as well tonight as we have every day since october 7th no matter who wins because that's the world we live in. we live in. while the money we generate from shitty 9 to 5s is taxed and sent to keep children and mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters up night after night after night with the sound of drones and gunfire and bombshells. this world is so far beyond americans' worst case scenario already and the solution to it is outside a ballot box on election day.
#j.txt#2024 elections#feeling nothing in this chilis tonight if i'm honest#again not even saying it's a good thing#this past year has broken something in my brain#i can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing when it manifests as this kind of apathy but it's not an all encompassed apathy#it's apathy for america's political landscape specifically spliced with. something else i probably couldn't begin to describe#like this is not a post about despair but about hope#it's a fragile one but it's permanent. i guess fragile is the wrong word then#it's a small hope but there is not a world in which it goes away anymore#however it's alienating me from like fellow leftists because their anxiety is not unfounded#like at all#like i'm literally trans lmao if trump wins my life Will get worse but#i just can't evoke like. literally an ounce of worry. it's just nothing in there right now#not bad not good it's just like. man i'm gonna eat my dinner and go to sleep and go to work in the morning about this <3#and i'll probably do it the day after too! because that's what i've done with a literal genocide beamed into my eyeballs for a year like#like!!!!!!!!!!#if i did that somehow somehow somehow Somehow. the somehow being literally because i'm a white american so i get to#doesn't matter if i didn't want to i got to and i did and. it's. no yeah it broke my brain probably forever#if i did that i won't lose a wink of sleep over american politlcs superbowl day. i won't and i couldn't even if i tried
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turnabovt · 9 months ago
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##turnabovt. a semi - selective  ,  headcanon based portrayal of phoenix wright from the ace attorney series. takes influences from the anime  ,  games   ,  manga and fanmade musical. non-official art in my icons by sinlizards. defended by underworld ( he / they / it  ,  21. ) sideblog , follows and likes from @underworldsarcade .
rules | muse | verses | tags
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theboredgm · 3 months ago
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So, I finally got to Cyberpunk's endings, and yeah, that was...a lot. Honestly, I wasn't impressed with this game at first sight, I bought it, played for an hour or two and left it to collect dust in my digital library for several years. Aand then I found it again with the help of one person, who is very important to me, and I was obsessed by it for the whole summer.
The thing is, I don't like finishing games. I hate finishing games. If I like a game, I want it to last forever and seeing credits...idk, I just feel like I'm saying goodbye forever. Of course I can go back and play some more, but it doesn't feel the same anymore. Like, I'm donne with you, why do I still want to come back? But, in the moment of my obsession, I've done everything I could. Except DLC, can't buy it, long story short.
The fact that the ending is heartbreaking no matter what doesn't help. I won't have it any other way, actually, love this doomed narrative, "we both knew how it ends from the start", I'm a sucker for those kinds of stories. Doesn't make it less painful. And, I guess, my method to cope with pain is to write shitty poems, which will never see the light of day. Except this one. I don't believe someone will see this. I don't believe someone will read all of my yapping 'till this and says "wow, there's a poem here". Goddamn, it's even in Russian, 'cause I still can't write something coherent in English. But, if it's you, and you can, and you will read this, thank you. I'll try to make it worth your time.
Я помню день,
когда в первый раз встретил
Тебя.
Пахнет прелостью, ржавым металлом и смертью,
И я
Коленопреклонный
Как нищий на паперти.
Взаперти.
В твоей голове (В моей голове)
Громом
Рождаюсь
И умираю (прости).
Если б было у нас больше времени, я бы
Рассказал тебе о его цене
Обо мне
О тебе
И о том, что у нашей судьбы
Нет, всё-таки,
Чувства юмора.
Но моё время вышло,
А тебе, друг мой, ра
но умира��ь
Мне уже не впервой.
Я (родился таким) умер и возродился
Таким
Если б мог, я бы выродился
Поменялся с тобой.
Но.
За меня, soñador, ты не бойся: я тоже свободен
Я найду себе место
Такие как я его быстро находят.
И когда я погасну
(Умру, усну,
разложусь на биты и байты, на тире и на точки)
Если есть хоть одна вещь, которой я точно
Буду гордиться, последней затяжкой дыша.
Я жив,
Я жил,
Я был здесь, чтоб дать тебе шанс.
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fourswords · 6 months ago
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one au idea i think would be super funny is if shadow somehow figured out that vio was only pretending to be on his side so he could get information and kill him like. almost immediately. like instead of them having time to actually get attached to each other that whole thing is foiled before it starts. and so instead of shadow flying into a rage because of a betrayal instead he's like "y'know what fuck it i can do that too" and starts talking like this whenever vio fishes for information
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#this is mostly for the sillies but i don't think it's that out of character considering. everything#i think it's made fairly clear that shadow was 0.2 seconds from either killing vio or tossing him out on his ass if vio proved weak or#not actually on the evil side. i.e. snapping at vio to knock it off with the glowing sword thing#and getting more and more annoyed as the battle with green on death mountain went on and it started to look like vio was losing#it was only after vio 'killed' green that shadow actually started to trust him. that's when he Actually got attached#everything prior to that was pretty much just him doing the classic 'ooooh yeah come to the dark side i'll Totally be your friend'#so if he'd found out that vio was faking it before death mountain i could very well see him being like#'well if that's how he wants to play it then i'll just out-play HIM'#and pull some shit like he did with their dad where he pretends to be something he's not (i.e. willing to switch sides) by like. playing up#the fact that he wants out from under ganon's thumb and then planning to stab THEM in the back when the#others show up and they all 'make friends' because. y'know. as proven by the end of the manga#it took the entirety of link about half a second to go from 'enemy' to 'FRIEND!!!!' concerning shadow.#and shadow. is a lonely little bastard. now that i've actually thought about it he would actually just get attached#to them all over again. nothing would really change. BUT WHATEVERRRRR FUNNY POST TIME#fsa#txt
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littlebeautifly · 5 months ago
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crossbackpoke-check · 1 year ago
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Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman
part one | part two
#toronto maple leafs#HELLO EVERYBODY THIS HAS BEEN MONTHS!!! MONTHS IN THE MAKING BECAUSE i AM UNHINGED AND NEEDED THE PRECISE PICTURES THAT I KNEW I WOULD GET#like. seventy five percent of this has been done since the first time i posted this and while it has gotten better with time because#my narratives simply got more complex and there's so much of this that is For Me but don't worry i will explain but aLSO goddamn mitch coul#you have gotten married any later in the year. also willy you truly disappointed me by not getting an absurd haircut this year (now that#i've said this he's going to debut it on instagram like. tomorrow. but anyway that meant y'all got to enjoy my neuroses of#Loving Tyler Bertuzzi who is a goddamn leaf. the joys of having to wait to post this (was not a leaf at the time i started it) and anyway i#have at length i think had the breakdown about tyler in pigtails girl dad & how i got a bob & then tyler copied me which was rude. that's m#gender. ANYWAY starting from the top we got sheldon keefe documentation which was really just the personal decision that i wanted all the#coaching staff to be the markers in the poem/the bold & also at the TIME keefe hadn't re-signed &we thought it might be everybody out w/kyl#anyway the title of the scrap of an old lover's flannel is literally 'u think this is about sheldon & kyle NO it's about timothy liljegren'#bc. liljegren was on the marlies winning cup team & has had a contentious relationship w/keefe ever since & was healthy scratched in playof#& the narrative is sooooo. also at one point for the ryan o'reilly i was going to edit the stlb out of his grandma's shirt or cover it w/th#childhood dreams line but THEN i found the gio snapped stick one which was too perfect for 'crumbling copy' the ryan o'reilly To Me is so.#ur insane in ways u did not think for that one. like. how soft her hands were. his grandma you guys. he grew up a leafs fan. if he ever get#to lift the cup with her again i will lose my shit. the cup run a movie i remember nothing--OKAY the spezz one i knew i needed him stresse#but also i believe in the spezz/kyle narrative so. it comes up later don't worry ALSO SPEZZ FOLLOWING HIM TO PITT CAME AFTER I MADE THIS bu#the muzz tea one makes me a little sensy bc muzz was out with an injury for most of this season & it was a really scary spinal one & so yea#& then the simmer one just straight up makes me cry bc i love him so much & the work that he does for anti-racism in hockey means so much &#if you have that video open & watch it i promise you will cry i do every time it's so beautiful he had to be on comforted by beauty & sammy#boy is on the a man who doesn't know me because EYE remember the caps goalie tandems. baby lilya. the mo one is a little funny bc it is#solely due to wade's thread about mo rielly the coal miner homestead husband. that's why he moves to omaha also i think it suits him (quiet#OK NOW OLD MEN IN LOVE NARRATIVE this one's in contention for my fave bc it's spezz coping w/retirement fundamental meaningless of existenc#u heard abt tyler already that's for me the minchy picture was just too good i had found it earlier & i spent SO LONG looking for an empty#leafs rink picture for bathtub i have some cool construction photos but i wanted the melting ice ones (thought about tahoe lol) & the sprin#one i manip'd a lot bc i needed a spring picture bc playoffs clinch in spring & that one fit so coincidentally perfect bc it's 7 straight#seasons 7 guys so. :) & i KNEW i swore to god they did more milk advertising i knew i was gonna do this one from the minute i saw the poem#the milk patch & it took a hot minute BUT I FOUND THIS ONE this one's for funsies. AND THE PIC I WAITED SO FUCKING LONG FOR this is actuall#from kerf's wedding but i was like i know on god mitch is getting married this summer & that's about to be the drunkest shenanigans wedding#i'm waiting for the pics. & then i was BLESSED with this one which is beautiful & perfect & LOOK AT THEM. anyway the last one is bc
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noahtally-famous · 7 months ago
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not me popping back on here with a post after months of semi-inactivity (uni is being a bitch) just to reiterate how much i love writing the pahkitew island cast.
aside from sammy and amy (obviously), literally everyone else can be shipped with one another and it'd make sense to some degree, like it takes skill to create a group of people so inherently shippable (platonically and/or romantically) and ofc the writers didn't know it they just shoved a bunch of random ppl together and dusted their hands off on it but fr tho 😭
(yeah im planning out my leonave 'stranger things inspired' au, and the gears are turning, and i forgot just how much i love writing for this dumbass group)
(i swear im working on the next chapter of a guide to surviving the apocalypse too)
#no but i've way too many ideas lmaoo#i forgot ive a whole longass post in my drafts dedicated to ramblings abt this longfic and i came across it today ahaha#like amy leading a manhunt for leonard bc shes got everyone to think he killed her sister (who she didn't even like much smh)#and topher's one of the ppl involved and when shawn hears he's like “topher? yeah i can handle him dw” (possible tophawn minor pairing??)#and leonard's abt to get the equivalent of being burnt at the stake literally#when guess who shows up in a fucking mercedes of all cars#fucking dave#and he helps leonard escape narrowly by driving fast af and leonard's so confused bc like “i thought you'd be with those guys”#and get this: dave doesnt believe leonard killed sammy bc of his vehement belief that leonard doesn't know magic LMAOOO#and leonard doesnt know whether to be affronted or grudgingly thankful bc if it wasn't for dave's desire for everything to be normal#leonard would have been part of the witch trials 2.0#and idk who's watched st but the plot is somewhat inspired by it#like shawn goes missing first and dave as his best friend is panicking abt it (in this one axel is shawns cousin???)#and then when they find him at last the weird deaths start leading to leonard finding sammy dead and this whole situation#and theres a whole different world underneath them and its up to leonard dave ella and sky to team up and prevent certain destruction#and theres slowburn leonave (with pining leonard and oblivious dave)#and leonard lives with his uncle whos understanding of his passions (unlike his dad who basically gave him away for the same reason)#and leonard's life is total opppsite from dave's#and they both know it#and omgggg this au has been a brainrot for so goddamn long#but idk why i just got a slew of ideas for it today#and like dave stays over at leonards at one point and leonard gives him his bed (like a gentleman)#and the next morning shawn barges in like “wheres my best friend” bc ever since he was taken he's been v paranoid abt losing the ppl he lov#and he hugs dave and daves like “how dirty are you rn” and shawns like “nothing yet i waited so that i can hug you when i see your dumb ass#and everyones like abt dave to leonard “idk if he's the right one for you”#but then later on dave saves his life by going a little bit unhinged classic dave-style#and ends up scaring a nurse and receptionist into retiring early#total drama#td leonard#td dave
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