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randomclam24 · 27 days ago

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Update Good bye Genesis Update So, it's pretty much ironic that it's the Wii you're actually championing right now as a console And Cat in the Hat 2003 is still main Update - Basically the big secret of today's world is that between conglomerations at the level of Kellogg's and Romanized *jewish* names, both are considered past the event horizon of bureaucracy and, beyond the uncanny valley, considered "human" engineering, or engineered Update after a bit I just left the board game ideations set where they are. To actually tap into that fear factor implied by Aparat, obviously you'd have to have at least the LCA addon

Actually my biggest run-in was in a public library computer lab hosted at the college It was my first time realizing that someone would be monitoring the TV scre

Update If you look it up, I feel like even after the review, the dusted version will be considered the gravitationally "VALID Update Basically I wrote the most complex indpendent program in Python, the go-to language for this immediate area, that I have Random number generator with selected wad names tryhard-baked in to the string Update Ouija board fell out but don't let that be a reason to forget Board would be rap rat Update Do not watch the Cat in the Hat 2003 movie "You got a new VCR just for this Update This came into being in the related tab for videos https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9oOKqMjNUo it could be gangstalking, but I unironically think this is the state of mind that produced the goombas for example or especially, seeing as how they walk between pipes You know rarely are you going to put yourself in a position where, in Mario Bros., you have to actually drive. In fact I learned to beat it all to the point of boredom So really that's where the rest of the NES drops out because it's randomhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CN2Z91nIJ-A Update 11/2 after above one We have honestly been blessed https://www.mediafire.com/file/uva0c743shmvgyc/byoc.complexpatch1.pk3/file https://www.mediafire.com/file/s7puaeu07ew0obp/complex-doom.v26.byoc.pk3/file Above are the two files required to be loaded with Bring Your Own Class, which must be downloaded on its own

Update, not related Is it jinxing things? There are a lot of people I wouldn't mind if they uploaded

Update Not jenesis suspended in dusk (question mark) Update I don't have a plan https://www.mediafire.com/file/y5w7f569zuv750q/Big_Doom_map_remake.wad/file Thar be the low quality rendition of the deleted map

Where a marble wall blocking an otherwise openable door lies, there would be progress On an accessible secret map would be the introduction to Suspended in Dusk, but instead of there being a Suspension in Dusk, there is the Song of Triple Unnerving

You know, the one with majra's mask

Update You can vaguely put it, my appreciation of the outdoors was that association made to Siren It was actually a focus of mine within the first semester at college before horror concepts were conceptualized or hentai was watched to keep my ambition from surviving the trail at Philmont or something In reality, my organic interest already dropped I was doing things within that semester that I first heard of Stanley Parable like just sitting on the floor to sleep blankets only underneath me just to maintain just to break the pace (pace)

Update The rest after the breakoff was the definition of impromptu, and after the description I gave the first time UpdateNot unlike Andross's bullshit in Starfox 64 which otherwise is the hogwash that villains say to forgotten In that territory, I legitimately had no directionBeing posed there, my mind was left open to things like the Godzilla NES Creepypasta Zenith parasites

Update Let this one shout louder: Anyway, whoever came up with that slowed + reverb meme is jewish, trying to express their generational interests, because if they didn't get it the first time, how you would come around

Update 11/3 after DINER I think it's finally time if I detect severe alcohol in my drink, I don't drink, and that's why I'm pouring in small dosages and just chugging - ,because this isn't working Mario 7/29 Build's aesthetically looksmaxxing version of Super Mario World's Overworld Music - you can't mod past the original magic of the game People said the pasta version was scary because the idea of it being eternal for a second might have been in addition, dare I ask it - *asserted In reality our relationship is a natural affinity to the elite jew UpdateYou know why I don't relate to the Stanley make in Ultra Deluxe It is cause that ain't normal I mean you can leave it open to interpretation but there's a reason for that screwdriver and coffee in the pipe

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pepperful-qt · 4 years ago

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Hi there! Can I request hcs of kuroo, kita and semi with a big brain s/o? It doesn't just apply to s/o academically, but more so about life in general (like having ~streetsmarts~) thank you!

you said street smarts my mind went to jj bittenbinder. ngl i kinda used the wisdom proficiencies from d&d as reference for this hahaha nerd i hope it’s what you want! also i just want to thank you for requesting my not-so-secret fav semi semi

Kuroo, Kita, & Semi with a big brain s/o

* * * * *

Kuroo Tetsuro

oh this man appreciates it. he’s so entertained

you know that drinking game that Tyrion does with Shae where he guesses something about your past and if he’s right you have to drink, if not he does? that’s what you do minus the drinking part obv,, unless

as a person with high charisma himself, you make it a game to see who can bluff out and/or fool the other (you almost always win)

any time there’s a game night and you’re playing a social deception game you always win. no one can get a lie past you

if it’s a teamwork one, you and Kuroo crush everyone else

you find ways to skimp on your hw but still come out fine. he has no idea how, and it both annoys and impresses him

“i thought you stayed up watching buzzfeed unsolved instead of studying last night??”

“yeah so what?”

“but you got a 96%”

he knows that intelligence isn’t just defined by what you’re able to memorize out of a book, and you’re a perfect example of that. he respects you a lot

you’re the type of person that reads random articles and therefore has the most random bits of trivia that you throw in conversation

he can have an intellectual conversation with you, since you always come up with unique perspectives. he loves asking your opinion on things, bc who tf knows what’ll come out of your mouth

you don’t know what a derivative is to save your life but you know the location of every 7/11 in a ten mile radius, and if they carry a specific type of onigiri or cup noodle flavor

but fr you give the best advice and are always there to lend an ear

you watch murder mystery movies together and try to figure out the culprit, sometimes actually arguing over it

other times you’ll watch a drama and make bets on who’s gonna do what or end up with who

rip Kenma in the corner just trying to live his life

it’s hilarious seeing you interact with someone who is not “big brain” or street smart

let’s just use Lev as an example for no particular reason, just bc

you quickly learned that Lev would believe almost anything you said, he was that fascinated by your apparent wisdom

so you and Kuroo will sometimes join forces and see what you can get him to believe. you once convinced him that if you kill an insect you’d become that insect in your next life and die the same way, and for a solid month he would start crying if he ever stepped on an ant

chaos couple™

you have this whole atmosphere about you that is just “do not fuck with me” bamf if i do say so myself

which tbh is one of the things he finds most attractive about you. you knew exactly what he was up to the first time he started flirting with you, but you weren’t intimidated one bit. you became a challenge~

10/10 best looking couple of the three

* * *

Kita Shinsuke

the two voices of reason, bless you both. you’re very similar, but also very different

he’s the definition of high intelligence & high wisdom with low charisma cleric kita omg, while you have both high wisdom and high charisma with an intelligence stat you barely use (high or low lol)

he’s the kind of guy who always thinks things through with logic, and he’s always sure of his decisions

you on the other hand, have an intuition based logic

freaks him out when you rely on your gut instinct but somehow it always pays off

“why?”

“just because”

“but why??”

you’re adaptable in almost every situation, always know what to say, and have an uncanny ability to read people

which actually comes in handy in your relationship

he’s not the best at expressing himself but you always seem to know his emotional state and thought process, something no one else except his granny has really cracked yet and you do it so easily. sometimes he wonders if you’re a mind reader

you knew he liked you before he did & you asked him out first ~

“Shin-kun, you look happy today!”

“Ah, I was able to clean all the volleyballs after practice and still had time to fold and organize the scrimmige vests by color.”

meanwhile Atsumu: “hE litERALLY?? looks the sAME??!”

speaking of the twins, you’re great at handling them

Atsumu tried to scare you away the first time you showed up at practice before you and Kita announced your relationship, but you were calm and polite

which tbh put him off more than if you’d clammed up or gotten angry. he almost felt bad for being rude. almost.

imagine how bad he felt when Kita found out

the both of you are both feared and respected by the team

you’ll help Kita out with his self-assigned chores sometimes, figuring out new ways to be efficient and not lose quality

he also loves how he can trust you to take care of yourself, whether it’s walking home alone or losing you in a crowd or just looking after your health. he still worries and dotes on you but it’s out of love, not because he’s concerned you’ll hurt yourself unintentionally

he loves a person with common sense @ inarizaki

you’re both really good at getting gifts for each other, since you’re both very perceptive

one time you guessed his favorite flavor of ice cream and it made the butterflies a’flutter

there’s this silent competition between you two of who can give the better gifts

wishes you would study more though ngl. he knows you’re smart you just don’t always dedicate that intelligence to your schoolwork

he finds it charming how you’re always looking at things from different angles rather than the straightforward path. he thinks it’s a very good quality

that “yeah but what if...” kind of mentality

we already know he appreciates that attitude if he doesn’t really take it on himself

you’re both able to appreciate the nuances of life and enjoy the moment together

your relationship is one of the most balanced and strong out there tbh,,

* * *

Semi Eita

you’ve got this charm that makes people respect you. a certain type of confidence, if you will, that made him first notice you

lots of students were intimidated by the members of the volleyball team, for their height and reputation etc, but you never showed any reservation, not even with Ushijima

as well as your conviction, you have take no shit attitude that comes in great handy with certain members of the team it’s also hot af

you can banter with Tendou and you provoke Goshiki all day long but never Shirabu bc you know what’s up

you do however irritate him with mind games, bc you know he’s a little shit who stole your bf’s spot and needs to be taken down a peg sometimes

you: *describing the quantum wave trolley problem”

Shirabu: *screams*

all the while Semi is trying and failing to hide the smug little smirk on his face

with Semi though, you’re able to just talk

he enjoys conversation with you bc he’s never bored. you make him think and you make him laugh, both good things

sometimes you’ll point something out that just makes him go “oh” bc it seems so obvious when you point it out

other times it’s something so outlandish that he can’t help but crack a smile or let out a laugh

sometimes it’s the connect the dots meme “you didn’t connect shit” lmao

again, solid advice giver with no holds barred. anyone who needs to be straight up told what they need to hear comes to you, bc you're usually right

and Semi himself can get lost in his own head so it's nice to have you to ground him

you’re decent in your classes sure, but where you really impress is your strategy in game. any game

once you were invited to play laser tag with the team and you whipped out a battle plan that annihilated the other team

alternatively, you show no mercy in monopoly or uno, damn your relationships

it’s actually very annoying how quickly you pick up the rules and nuances to games and use them to your advantage

if you’re both very competitive, it’s usually better for everyone if you’re both on the same team

but he likes a challenge heh

okay, we know he’s bad at dressing himself when it comes to casual outfits. no common sense. you notice this too

“Eita, sweetie, if you go out like that you will get mugged,, even in Miyagi.”

you’ll walk down the street hand in hand and you make random guesses or stories about the people you see

“that guy is totally a scammer” or “bet that lady looking at the papaya is trying to start a diet for the third time, look at her face” and he’ll chuckle

he knows there’s always something going on inside your mind and he wants to know

when you’re lost in thought he’ll tap your forehead

“hey what’s going on in there?”

he enjoys listening to your musings and thoughts and opinions. you either have a crazy gut instinct or have some unique thought you’ve internally debated over for months

gets inspiration from you actually, even if he doesn’t realize it

likewise, you realize he has a lot on his mind he doesn’t say, but you have a way of making him say it, even if he is hesitant and abrasive at first

you’ll call him at 3am with a random thought and he’ll grumble a bit but actually will listen to you with the smallest smile on his face

* * * * *

i hope??? this was good??? also lmk if this is too long without a read more i’m not sure :P

#kuroo tetsuro #kita shinsuke #semi eita #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kita shinsuke x reader #semi eita x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #kuroo x reader #kita x reader #semi x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu writing #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu headcanons #the way i got so excited seeing my boy semi on here #don't look up the quantum wave trolley problem unless you want your brain fried

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uwua3 · 4 years ago

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your name (pt.1)

❄️📚 tsukioka tsumugi

part 1 — part 2 — part 3

summary: being an adult is tiring, tsumugi knows that all too well.

warnings: class divide (struggling financially), food

author’s note: this is the first ever series i’m doing! please anticipate the next installment of the “your name” series tomorrow :D i’m so excited to share this since part 01 is my first ever wip for a3 ever 🤍 please enjoy!

word count: 2,932

music: kimi no na wa soundtrack – radwimps

Running with reckless abandon, a boy trips amidst the bustling public traffic in the station, books flying out of his arms from the sheer force of his turn. Passer-bys barely spared a glance at the panicked tutor as he bent down to gather his academic papers, all imprinted by strangers’ shoes. In a moment of lifelong embarrassment, the world continued to spin as nothing rippled the fabric of time.

Murmurs spread across the crowd, daily small talk between people who would never see each other again on the complex train system. Students shared personal gossip too loud for their own good as their prestigious private academy skirts flew past him. Businessmen burdened themselves with client phone calls as they were all weighed down by the same leather briefcase. Employees wore their customer service mask, smiling politely before dropping their act immediately afterwards when they thought no one was looking. As expected, there was no time in the schedule to stop and help a recent university graduate out of his clumsy peril. Everyone was too distracted by their own problems to consider breaking their routine.

Perceptive by nature, Tsukioka Tsumugi didn’t need to glance at his watch to know he was late to his study session. The automated female voice sounded dull over the speakers, announcing his designated train was to depart in five minutes in a monotone attitude. Tokyo was a busy city with no mercy for those who didn’t plan every second of their future. That much was understandable by the aspiring teacher who quickly pulled out his outdated flip phone as he carefully eyed the assignments back in his possession.

A single tone rang before a drawl was heard in poor quality, with a shit–eating grin Tsumugi knew all too well.

“Tsumu, did you finally realize I don’t need your tutoring?” Settsu Banri mocked, the distinct background noises of his new video game obsession making Tsumugi speed walk even faster. With his books held tight against his chest, he sighed and almost pinched the bridge of his nose before realizing none of his hands were free. Placing the phone in between his shoulder and ear, Tsumugi rolled his eyes as he attempted to organize his mess.

“Banri-kun, please refer to me as Tsukioka-san. I am your senior by years, if I may remind you.” Tsumugi reprimanded, noting Banri’s agitated groan and muttered under his breath about the age difference between them. Unlike the other students Tsumugi tutored, Banri was defiant. Over–the–top, lazy, and arrogant—but deadly smart. Ever since Tsumugi carefully took off his shoes in the Settsus’ overpriced apartment, Banri took it upon himself to make his life a living hell by refusing to do the work but getting every question right. The only thing Banri cooperated with was talking about video games, which distracted him from his innate ability to be the best at everything. So on Friday afternoons, Tsumugi would visit to recap the weekly curriculum and try his best to stay patient with Banri’s snappy attitude.

“Why’d you call anyways? You’re late, by the way.” Banri pointed out right before Tsumugi fell through the two closing doors on the train, tumbling into a displeased but silent group as he gripped the overhead. Spectators only stared for a second before turning away as Tsumugi blushed under the attention, stammering back a half–assed apology of how he was going to be twenty minutes late for their session.

“Hold on, am I talking to the right person? Tsukioka Tsumugi, late? Real funny, just tell me you quit or something.” Banri feigned a bothered persona, but it was nice to pretend he was actually worried over the possibility of not seeing Tsumugi. Apologizing quickly to a corporate worker he bumped into, Tsumugi fixed the bag slung too low on his right shoulder as he took the phone back in his hand. At the same time, the zipper on his decade old bag gave out as it took his foot’s entire strength to keep the folders in place. Great, another thing to replace.

Staring outside the window, the school year was coming to a close as the heat of incoming summer air made him grip the phone in case of vicious sweat. “Banri–kun, you know I value our study sessions together.” He didn’t respond, just a resigned hmph before hanging up as Banri started swearing into his gaming headset. Tsumugi closed his eyes, getting his minutes of shut-eye for the first time in days as the sun glowed. Time didn’t stop for anyone, especially not Tsukioka Tsumugi.

After being greeted way too properly by the Settsu chain of servants, Tsumugi could hear the exaggerated game sound effects throughout the rather empty mansion. Walking carefully into Banri’s wide open door, Tsumugi grimaced at the sight of the energy drink cans crushed and thrown haphazardly near the trash can. Junk food wrappers were kicked underneath the expensive furniture as Banri was focused on his two–screen gaming setup. The rainbow LED keyboard was smashed expertly by Banri’s quick fingers all without looking down, getting him a #1 win as he boredly stared at the victory. As expected of NEO-san, a top league player. Or so Tsumugi’s heard by his other student, Taichi, who dramatically cries every time he loses against Banri.

“Banri-kun, please excuse my interruption.” Tsumugi announced, holding up the textbooks he had carried with a strained smile. Banri didn’t even look over as he logged off, saying something about GG to his teammate by the name of “Taruchi” before pushing the cat headset down around his neck. Spinning around in his black gamer chair, Banri raised one eyebrow at Tsumugi’s disheveled appearance panting slightly in the doorway. It was unlike his composed, proper tutor to be... like every young adult out there? Tsumugi didn’t seem like he had all the wisdom and knowledge in the world, he looked more... confused than anything.

“Geez, Tsumu. Didn’t think you’d sleep in, watched the meteor strike last night?” Banri smirked, rolling his chair across the room to his school desk as he put his legs up, stretching his arms beneath his head lazily. How he hadn't changed out of his white t-shirt and sweatpants was beyond Tsumugi as he sat in his normal chair silently, unlike the loud high schooler who glanced at the folder of work with a yawn. Grabbing some trendy bucket hat, Banri shoved the brim over his eyes as he took a break from the flashing neon blue light from his monitor.

“Meteor strike?” Tsumugi questioned innocently, attempting to hold conversation as Banri hummed a game soundtrack absentmindedly. Nodding, Banri pulled up his modern phone that made Tsumugi wince thinking of the price of that thing. Shoving the screen in front of Tsumugi’s wary red eyes, he blinked rapidly to adjust to the bright overpowering pixels. Tsumugi noticed an event marked that raved about the phenomenal light show the day before. Thinking back on the train incident this morning, Tsumugi remembered the excitement buzzing through the students a week prior as they whispered about a new chance to wear their best yukatas to celebrate. It had been so long since he was in school, that he completely forgot about all the childish euphoria that came with change.

“I must’ve slept through it. I didn’t notice at all.” Tsumugi admitted, tilting his head as he tried to remember the news every morning the past week. He couldn’t remember a single story of the astronomical event, although every day felt the same as usual. It was peculiar; Tsumugi was awake all night, too. He couldn’t sleep without his medication... maybe he should have looked up for once.

Taking his phone back to check the game notification popping up on screen, Banri chuckled as he shoved a stick of chocolate pocky in his mouth. “Mhmm, said it was a historical event n’ all. Supposed to be life-changing.” Banri offered bare minimum detail on anything and everything, but it was enough for Tsumugi to have a slight understanding as he set up the workspace. Banri noticed the distant look in Tsumugi’s eyes, the tiredness stifled underneath the graceful mannerisms as it looked like he was going through the motions. Attempting to lighten the mood, Banri’s voice came off meaner than he intended. “Aren’t you like? 25? How come you don’t know this stuff, you’re no boomer.”

Tsumugi frowned, glancing at Banri who looked away immediately with a flustered expression. Leave it to Banri to overthink whether or not he overstepped a boundary but refuse to acknowledge it. Tsumugi kept the meme going, sarcastically deadpanning, “Haha” before tossing a new eraser at Banri’s mushroom hair. Banri caught the gift in one hand easily as he slowly turned it over, turning his body to fully face his tutor. His feet dropped to the floor with a bang, startling Tsumugi to straighten his posture and stare directly into Banri’s curious face that had a glint of... concern?

“What’s all this? A gift to make me like you or something?” Banri jokes, nudging Tsumugi’s foot with his own. Tsumugi couldn’t help but notice the tight death grip Banri had on the small, game controller shaped eraser he had found at his full time work as a florist. Across the street was a one dollar convenience store, where teenage workers stood at the register on their phones as Tsumugi checked out the stationary. Wearing his dirt–stained apron, he remembered coming across miniature, adorable erasers that made him think of his students. Especially the red and blue Nintendo Switch joy con erasers that made Tsumugi think of Banri’s whole rant about the superiority of Fire Emblem: Three Houses’ Black Eagles for the potential wife girls. Sure, it was a hit on his already fragile bank account, but it was worth it to see Banri genuinely happy about something for once.

“You already do, I’m the longest tutor you’ve had.” Tsumugi didn’t need the thanks, because it was clear in the way Banri for once put something down without throwing it. Banri scoffed, mumbling a weak comeback as he flipped open his notebook. He even tossed his hat off his head, revealing the messy long hair tucked behind his ears. Oh, he did his homework for once, Tsumugi mused with satisfaction before trying to flip to the appropriate page in the school’s textbook. It was open to a section on meteors, and glossy colored pictures of the sky made Tsumugi’s eyes focus. The image seemed familiar. Perhaps he stared a moment too long, because Banri took the book himself and thumbed his way to the marked section, warily sparing a careful glance.

“Hey... you good? You don’t look... normal.” Banri roughly phrased, trying his best to emote like a normal human would. Tsumugi nodded, not convincing anyone he was off. Brushing his sweaty palms upon his jeans, Tsumugi pushed his hair back as he started reciting what he knew of the topic and reviewed the homework, failing to catch Banri’s attentive stare at Tsumugi’s cheap, hole-ridden pants and bag bursting at the seams.

Tsumugi went back on the same train. The people were the same, his schedule was the same. Banri was different today though, paid more attention today despite knowing it already. Maybe he just wanted to get it over with, probably some tournament tonight.

In the face of the orange sunset above the skyscrapers, Tsumugi walked home with a slow, natural pace that fit his time slot he allocated for transportation. The mental reminder allowed him to look up for once, seeing the birds fly together around the quieter part of the city as a golden haze reflected off the glass. Community members said their usual predictable greetings as he waved back, respectfully wishing good health to his elders and telling funny jokes to the youth playing sports. Yet, it didn’t bring him the fulfillment he got before when he was young. Being an adult, was tiring.

It was the same everyday, as Tsumugi left the residential area and climbed through the back alley to a slum part of town. Lights flickered as abandoned businesses creaked amidst the silence. He escaped the prying eyes of neighbors and unlocked the door to his dingy, unsafe apartment. Closing the door quietly, Tsumugi stared at the studio as silence overtook his surroundings. Dust floated in the golden hour as everything was where he exactly left it.

“Welcome home.” Tsumugi whispered, his own voice echoing in between his four walls. Alone, again. It was the same everyday.

Heating up the instant ramen expired in his cupboard, the microwave sparked every once in a while as Tsumugi leaned against the counter. Each surface he touched creaked with uncertainty, as if it didn’t know how long it could last. His one–room housing felt cramped despite the lack of furniture around Tsumugi. His run–down appliances, aged decor, and rising rent made the location even better as Tsumugi did the usual routine of eating half the calories he needed and staying up browsing job listings. This time, the ramen wasn’t as satisfying as the pastry Banri stuffed in his hand before he left.

“What’s this?” Tsumugi remembered asking, immediately feeling sick to his stomach once he saw Banri’s serious expression stare back at him. At the moment, it felt like Banri was his teacher. The sweet, strawberry mochi wrapped in plastic felt warm in his palm as Banri stood at the door of his own home, leading Tsumugi out with a gift.

“Mochi. You’re Japanese, dipshit. Just a thanks, I guess.” Banri bullshitted, rolling his eyes as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. Tsumugi noticed they began to fidget a little bit as Banri tapped his foot against the welcome mat. “School punk named Juza bakes or whatever, has a family business so thought you might like it. Or whatever.” Banri elaborated, using one hand to tug at the already loose v–neck collar of his week old t–shirt. Was that a blush Tsumugi saw on his rather indifferent student? No matter, it wasn’t his business to ask about a troublemaker turned pastry chef.

He’d make sure to thank his student next time he tutored him, which would be (Tsumugi checked the wall calendar disappointedly) next week. Banri was a good kid, even if he had his teenage angsty rebellion phase for a while now. Privileged kids liked doing that, pretending the whole world was against them despite having everything, Tsumugi thought bitterly. Even he was slightly surprised and caught off guard by his own pessimism, before the microwave beeped, signaling its task was done.

When Tsumugi tried to pull open the door, the handle snapped off and a quiet sigh escaped Tsumugi’s lips. Guess no dinner for tonight, then. Tsumugi didn’t have enough fight in him to care, so he dropped the handle onto the counter with a clatter. Inside this studio room, there was nothing for Tsumugi here. Not even his own food.

So, Tsumugi sat down on the couch that groaned beneath his weight. Except, it wasn’t his own body that made his sofa creak—it was the stack of papers needing to be graded in his arms. With a red pen tucked behind his ear, Tsumugi began marking his students’ work. A minute passed before Tsumugi quickly turned the television on, letting the sound of the news distract him from the unbearable loneliness.

Sure, it was going to increase his bills but... the money would be worth it to make his thoughts quiet for a moment. Tsumugi had a job to do, and he wouldn’t let his mindset get in the way. Being an adult was something else, indeed.

When had he fallen asleep?

Tsumugi blinked slowly, finding that his cheek was resting against a substantially smaller stack. Another pile that was distinctly red ink was on the other cushion, the pen without its cap rolled across the carpet. Tsumugi subconsciously winced when he realized the T.V. was on, the same channel on in the background.

Lifting his head, Tsumugi tried to comprehend the visual of the screen through his blurry vision. Tsumugi’s glasses must’ve dropped somewhere; he hoped he didn’t step on them. From what he could hear, the duo of news anchors were animatedly discussing some supernatural phenomenon tonight. Tsumugi rubbed his eyes, leaning closer to the small box screen ahead.

There was no way he possibly heard that correctly. Yet, there it was on the T.V.: “Historical Meteor Shower Tonight!” in big bold letters at the bottom. Tsumugi could remember Banri talking about something like this, but it had occurred last night. Was there another one? How common was it for two meteor showers within a span of mere hours? Sitting up, Tsumugi watched the pair talk about the light show.

“This is said to be the first event of its kind in Japan!” The host exclaimed, the screen switching to a picture of the meteors. A sense of familiarity struck Tsumugi once more, the same feeling when he had seen Banri’s textbook earlier that day. “It’s said to be life–changing—” The other one replied, Tsumugi’s wide eyes focused on every single passing word and image. Could deja vu possibly last this long?

As Tsumugi fumbled for his phone, he made his way out onto his balcony. Something inside him was telling him to get some air as Tsumugi dialed Banri’s number. Before Tsumugi could confirm the call, a bright light appeared out of the corner of his eye.

Tsumugi looked up to see two bright meteors splitting from one another. At the sight, Tsumugi’s phone landed upon the balcony floor.

#tsukioka tsumugi #tsumugi tsukioka #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #mankai a3!#mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #tsumugi x reader #a3! tsumugi #a3 tsumugi

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seijurosempress · 4 years ago

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@shoichee I hope this meets your expectations✨ (Bc I refuse to tolerate any more bullying today. Also- Matchup under the cut)

First, I just want to say- I’m sorry. (but not really). I know our love for Hayama runs deep but the moment you choose violence with him, that’s it for you. RIP. It was nice knowing you 😔 But, remember when we first spoke and I asked you if you shipped yourself with Imayoshi and you refused to answer my question? Well- [Insert ‘Surprise shawty’ tik tok audio]

Best Match: Imayoshi Shoichi

Your subconscious knew what it was doing when you picked out your URL. The moment you said you related to Dazai and then proceeded to talk about socioeconomic issues revolving around globalization while we simultaneously talked about dumb stuff I knew there were only a few guys that could handle your energy and Imayoshi hands down tops that list

Even though Hanamiya out of all people might say Imayoshi doesn’t have the best personality, I actually think you two can balance each other out and understand each other in a way other people may not be able to

Honestly, right off the bat, y’all will probably bond over some form of teasing. Whether it’s making some remark aimed directly at the other, or one of you takes a jab at someone else and the other happens to overhear, it will be the start of a beautiful relationship

Gemini and Leo’s have really good chemistry so it’s no surprise you’ll manage to get along, regardless of your- argumentative natures.

You two are like the two sides of the same coin. While he presents himself as a kind and easy going person, speaking politely to others- until he inevitable shows them his real personality- you, on the other hand, can come off a little cold and critical, scaring people off when you first meet them even though you’re genuinely kind and easy going once you start to talk to them

If you guys meet purely by chance, maybe you’re in the same class, you’re introduced because of a mutual friend, or because one of you overheard the other, the moment you hear how the other carries themselves in a conversation will automatically peek your interest.

Have you ever seen that meme where they’re like “oh you wanna kiss me so bad”? yea, that’s you two. I can see you getting into the most amusing squabble, just trying to throw the other one off, Imayoshi smirking if and when one of his comments goes right over your head

You’re both pretty smart (I spent a solid hour trying to double check this and still failed but I’m like 80% sure his IQ is pretty up there) so I can see you two meeting because of that too

Scenario:

Imayoshi is just minding his business, checking the updated class rankings posted in the hall across your classroom. Why? He doesn’t know, if he’s being honest. It’s not like anyone could ever surpass him, he’s been at the top of his class each time since his firs- What’s this? He got bumped down? Who the hell are you? Wait no, he knows who you are. He’s heard your name before countless times, mostly followed by your voice as it traveled throughout the hallways, your laugh bubbling out of your small frame soon after in reply to whichever friend had just made a funny remark. Funny. You didn’t seem all that smart at first glance, could he have actually... made a mistake? His gaze flickers to the other side of the hall where he immediately found you, eyes wide and a small smile adorning your features as you listened to your classmate speak. A low hum escapes him as he analyzes your appearance once more. He notices the way your makeup highlighted your already attractive features, the small accessories added to your uniform making you look put together and stylish. Maybe he had underestimated you, he though as he saw you take your turn to speak, your answer leaving your classmate open mouthed with a baffled expression. He felt the slight tug on his lips, the beginning of a small smirk forming on his face as you smiled widely at the response you had gotten. However, the amusement only lasted a split second, his features falling in disbelief when you turned around, tripping over your own feet and falling face first into the open classroom door. “What are you staring at?” Someone, probably Sato, asks as he strolls up beside him. “Nothing” he sighs, adjusting his glasses on his face. Is it really nothing though? a small voice inside him asks just as a series of curse words and noises fall from your lips, eliciting his own to quirk up into an amused, lopsided smile. Even if it is “nothing” for now, don’t be surprised when both of you “coincidentally” find yourselves bumping into each other more often from now on as he tries to figure you out.

I can see him realizing he has feelings for you while you two are hanging out. Maybe you two will be studying after you asked him to tutor you in math since it’s his best subject, or well, attempting to study at least as you’re nearing half an hour of your 5 minute snack break. He’ll probably be doodling in his notebook while you scroll through Instagram, and it’s not until he looks up to see you so focused on whatever was on the other side of the screen, your fingers quickly tapping away as a smile pulled at your lips that he asks what you’re doing. Without a second thought, you absentmindedly tell him about whatever argument you’re getting into in the comments section under a random photo you came across before you’re back to focusing on the matter at hand.

His whole trademark is that he’s good at analyzing people, and as a Gemini, he is not an exception to his own skills. He’ll suddenly come to the realization that, while he enjoys pushing people’s buttons, he enjoys the thought of you two being a team even more. While you can be loud and social, making and laughing at jokes, you also know when to get serious and get stuff done, something that that he would appreciate considering he likes respectful and considerate girls.

The problem now is- he may be aware of his feelings...but are you?

He’ll probably try out multiple ways to hint at his feelings towards you but they’ll just go right over your head. In your mind, you can’t see anyone having any romantic feelings towards you and sure he may be acting a little weird, but you’d probably just shrug it off as it being all in your imagination.

Meanwhile the whole time Imayoshi is just standing there like- Is she serious? No one can be this oblivious???? but yet ✨here you are✨

Now it’s his turn to be frustrated by your conversations because you’re just not getting it? So he decides to try something more straight forward. Girls like pickup lines, right?

He could literally see the moment your brain stopped working. Your face flushed red as a nervous giggle bubbled out of you. All common sense left your body as you made finger guns at him, giving him a slight nod before turning around and walking quickly out the room

it would take you a few minutes to collect yourself, strolling back in the room 30 minutes later, leaning against the same spot you left him moments prior and giving him a pickup line of your own. *queue Imayoshi’s mischievous smirk* “Oh? Is that so?” (he’s such a little shit he’ll probably pretend like he didn’t say anything first to get back at you)

I can see this going back and forth for a while until he finally asks you out on a date, but this time he’ll make sure to do it in a way that will prevent you from escaping and leaving him alone and confused again

Your PDA is most likely kept to a minimum, partly because of your Venus in Virgo and partly because he doesn’t like spontaneity. Your outward relationship will consist of hand holding and pecks but that doesn’t mean your private life remains the same, just because you’re dating now doesn’t mean you’re suddenly immune to his habits or him to yours

You say you want to spend some quality time together? “How about a movie night?” he asks, his smile deceiving you long enough to trap you in his arms as a scary movie plays in his blacked out bedroom. “I don’t like scary movies” you whine, your body pressing into his and a pout pulling at your lips as he “innocently” chuckles, “Oh really? I must have forgotten”

You say you’re a bit cynical about relationships but I think it’s because your Neptune, Pluto and Lilith are ruled by air signs. This means you enjoy spontaneity and creativity in what you do and therefore always gravitate to doing things in which your outcome depends on yourself and not other people. Imayoshi is the kind of person that respects other people’s needs as we can see when he allows Aomine to skip practice if that’s what works for him. This will help you maintain a healthy balance in your relationship, allowing you to be able to feel more at ease and not trapped or like you have to be a certain way with one another

You decide to keep pursuing dancing? He’s proud of you, and will not hesitate to show off and boast about your achievements to the rest of the team

You had a rough week and you want to spend the whole day gaming with headphones on? It’s fine he’ll take the opportunity to relax and go fishing

On the other hand, you want to go shopping? Suddenly he’ll find himself walking hand in hand with you as you and his sister stop at every single store only to leave with more bags that you can carry.

At first, you would insist you could both take care of yourselves at the mall, but he soon found out that you two should not be left alone. She might be his sister but she’s younger and impressionable and she looks up to you? And you can be a bit scatterbrained so you lose track of her time so you always end up bringing her back really late, along with an armful of shopping bags that he’ll only have to go back and return within the week because being hasty runs in his family and his sister didn’t pay much attention to how much money she was spending

Overall- I think that what really makes you a good match is your ability to communicate with one another. Both of you are pretty honest and straightforward (although your executions are vastly different) which will help you navigate through any obstacles in your relationship

You keep each other on your toes and bring fun into your relationship while also settling down, talking about serious stuff and getting genuine advice from one another when you need it the most. The balance you maintain allowing a stable foundation for the relationship to grow and blossom. He did something hasty? It’s okay, you know exactly what to do to fix it. Someone keeps hitting on you insistently? He’s already walked over to intimidate him to go away. You want to spend quality time together but he wants to go fishing? There you are by his side, scribbling in your notebook and reciting your poetry to him as he listens carefully with a small smile on his face that you’ll definitely not tease him about later. You need help with your math again? he’ll tutor you in exchange for you making him a bento with his favorite meal. Until he learns that you somehow burned half the rice and left the other half uncooked. Perfect balance of give and take.

Bonus: Takao Kazunari

You are literally the girl version of Takao omg. (I literally JUST got your message about being the new Takao too smh I know I’m slow but let me finish this first)

You two are so alike and you would make the most chaotic duo but as much as I want to ship you two, I can just see you two being really good friends so I feel the need to include him in this

Midorima would be so done with your shit, he’d probably see you two together and immediately turn around and start walking the other way because he just KNOWS you’re bound to gang up and bully him

The first time you saw is lucky item you probably burst out laughing and thought he was joking until you saw his face flush red

After that, every time you ask about it he just grumbles out his answer, still salty about your initial reaction

Takao never fails to remind you either, trying to hold back his laugh whenever you try to make it up to Midorima but he ends up ignoring you, or you somehow just manage to make it worse

When it’s just you and Takao, you could be minding your business when suddenly one of you makes ONE singular little comment and that just sets off the other, adding onto it until both of you are crying with laughter

Honestly, the only time I can see you taking one another seriously is when you’re having discourse

He’s an optimistic person while you’re a realist which can set off some very interesting discussions between the two of you, your argumentative nature leading both of you to talk about anything and everything as you challenge the other’s ideologies

If you decide to try out a relationship, it’ll be filled with excitement and adrenaline, both of you needing very little persuasion to try out new things

You’ll be his partner in crime and he’ll be yours. You want to mess a bit with your younger neighbors? Why not? You want to go check out the new mall a few town’s over because they have a store you’ve been wanting to check out for months? He’s your man.

While the relationship is fun, you both can get a little ahead of yourselves, going with the flow and getting sucked into your own world; you’ll need someone to ground you

Usually, this role can be plaid by Midorima but it proves to be a bit problematic when he’s nowhere in sight

The amount of times you two have lost track of time or gotten caught up in something because you ran into some friends or even met new people and got lost in conversation, by this point Midorima has probably given up trying to keep track of your whereabouts when you’re together

I wouldn’t be surprised if you two ended up making your own language. He’s good with kids and bad at being quiet while you enjoy making new words and trying out sound effects which he would without a doubt find amusing. You’d probably go as far as to make children believe they’re actual words, could you imagine Midorima’s face when he goes over to Takao’s house and his younger sister starts talking to him in the made up words you taught her

Ultimately while your personalities are very alike, you tend to clash at the wrong points and it would take you working together to compromise to make a romantic relationship work

Both of you surround yourself by others, often finding yourself in the middle of everything, your personality constantly making other people gravitate towards you. This can prove conflicting when you’re together as now you’d have to learn how to share the spotlight, so to say

While you love fashion and makeup and shopping, the poor man just wants to enjoy his trading cards

Although you should use it to your advantage and make him drive you around in Princess Mia’s Midorima’s carriage.

Your might also find yourself more often than not at a crossroads, your realist point of view conflicting with his positivity which can lead to arguments between you two

Overall- a relationship with you would be exciting. There would never be a dull moment and you’d constantly encourage the other to have new experiences and make the most of your time. But moving into a more romantic territory would mean that you’d have to learn how to prioritize things in your life, knowing when to buckle down and get things down and how to successfully come to terms with and work out your differences.

Sidenote: I meant to make these a little longer but my brain cell only has so much KNB knowledge stored in her small little filing cabinet that may or may not be a single folder covered in dust and stuffed in some corner

#matchup request #[🏀].asks #i meant to have this ready early today #but i may or may not have fallen asleep #sorry #i'm slow #it really took me a whole ass week to write #but to be fair #i struggled a bit with your mans #bc I went strictly off what I could gather from the anime #which are CRUMBS

14 notes · View notes

muwur · 4 years ago

Note

idk if this counts as an emergency or comfort request but ive been havin a REAL bad body image week nsnnnsnnnsnn could i maybe request headcanons for either oikawa or kuroo (u can pick if u wanna) with an s/o who is rlly self conscious about being chubby/has a really hard time with food and mayb feels like worthless because theyre not the ideal body type? idk sorry if thats dumb aaaah thank u sm if u choose to do this

self-love

♡ scenarios ♡ for oikawa and kuroo

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.7k words

a/n: hey hun, im sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough time lately. this kind of request actually rlly hits close to home, and if u ever need anything, ur mor than welcome to reach out to me :) i can also help look for resources for help, anything really. this goes for all y’all! i dont want none y’all to feel alone with anything ur going thru cuz we’re in this together! and no need to thank me, the pleasure is mine luv 🥰💕 nothing about this is dumb, ur feelings are valid. i hope this will bring you n many others some comfort. also,, FUCK BODY STANDARDS MAKIN US BELIEVE THERE’S AN IDEAL TYPE BC THERE IS NONE N Y’ALL R BEAUTIFUL N IF U DUN THINK SO I WILL COME OVER DER,,, ok im done 🥰🥰 (more notes at the bottom of this, i talk a lot n think its important, didnt wanna add it up here bc it was too long lolol) tw: mentions of bad body and implies disordered eating behaviors

oikawa

♡ Oikawa was pretty keen, so when he observed a gradual shift in your behavior, he definitely took notice

♡ One day when you showed up to lunchtime empty-handed and sat with your two friends, casually chatting, Oikawa and Iwaizumi gave you a questioning look

♡ “Where’s your lunch, y/n?” Oikawa asked

♡ “Oh, I, uh, ate it already, actually.”

♡ Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow and offered you some of his, but you declined, thanking him and stating you were already full

♡ Later that day in class, however, Oikawa couldn’t help but notice the absence of your boxed lunch container in your unzipped backpack

♡ The next day, you came empty-handed again, blaming it on your forgetfulness during your rush to get to school

♡ However, it became a normal occurrence over time, and while you seemed fine, uneasiness began to prick inside Oikawa’s stomach

♡ Those smiles you wore appeared fragile, and the laughter that rumbled from your throat felt restrained

♡ You seemed more tired and unfocused than usual

♡ Preoccupied, withdrawn, and distant

♡ He could sense something was bothering you, no matter how much you may (or may not) have tried to hide it

♡ On his way to school one morning, he made sure to stop by a convenience store to pick one of your favorite snacks, thinking it was a simple gesture to brighten up the somber aura he’s been detecting from you

♡ “I have a surprise for you, y/n~” Oikawa announced with excitement, rummaging through his bag to pull out the snack and show it to you. “Look, it’s your favorite!”

♡ You could only offer him an uneasy smile, “Oh, you shouldn’t have...” You really shouldn’t have...

♡ When he noticed the tension in your body and expression, a frown appeared on his lips

♡ “Y/n? Is something wrong?” He reached out to place a comforting hand on your shoulder but you swiftly flinched away

♡ ”I’m fine..!”

♡ Surprised at your sudden movement and outburst, you both felt a split second of apprehension crackle in the air before you started to gather your items in a rush

♡ Sighing, you repeated, “I’m fine.”

♡ He wasn’t sure whether you were speaking to him or yourself

♡ “Thanks for the snack, but I’ll pass. Have it for me. You need it more, anyways; you have volleyball practice. I’ll see you tomorrow, Oikawa,” you offered him a solemn smile and left before he could even reply

♡ Some time had passed before he could finally get you to open up to him

♡ And when you did, it crushed his heart to see how much your insecurities broke you

♡ It hurt to hear how low you thought about yourself; how you couldn’t see the beauty in your being; how you deemed food, your body, and yourself as your worst enemies

♡ Thus bringing you to the conclusion that maybe you’d be happy and like yourself if you could just give up that midday snack or your school lunch

♡ Even raincheck a cafe date you were supposed to have together

♡ Maybe also skip dinner, sometimes breakfast the next morning as well

♡ You could manage on just water

♡ Little sacrifices to shed some weight, feel better, and get closer to your ideal body goals

♡ You admitted, however, to questioning whether any of it was worth it

♡ The constant states of hunger, pain, and defeat you lived in

♡ Only to feel as though you were getting nowhere

♡ Oikawa was well aware of today’s beauty standards. I mean, he himself was often praised for his natural charm and beauty

♡ And you felt you could never reach that ideal

♡ “Oikawa, you’re too good for me.”

♡ His eyebrows knitted in concern as he lifted his right hand to caress your cheek softly. “And why do you say that?”

♡ Tears threatened to prick at your eyes. All you could was stare at the ground in silent shame

♡ When you still said nothing, he leaned in closer, his brown gaze softly pleading

♡ “Y/n, look at me.”

♡ When your eyes flickered up to meet his own, Oikawa asked, “You know I love you, right?”

♡ His question was met with a meek, “Yes.”

♡ From your clouded glaze, he could tell that you had a hard time believing in your own response

♡ “Do you know why?”

♡ But before you could respond, he was already answering his own question

♡ “Well...” he began, glancing up in thought and wearing a small smile

♡ “Something about you makes me want to be by your side. I love to see your smiles and hear your laughter, but I always want to be there to hold you when you’re crying and in pain.”

♡ “You’re supportive. You understand what I need, and I don’t always have to explain myself to you. You take your time with me and make me feel like I can be myself. Not many people have stuck around to actually get to know me. Because of that, you’ve never failed to make my day a little better with just your presence.”

♡ “You’re strong and caring. I can rely on you to have my back, and I hope I provide that same comfort to you as well.”

♡ “I love being able to lazy around with you or go on adventures and discover something new. It’s comfortable and exciting at the same time.”

♡ “Your hands feel like they were made to hold mine.”

♡ He reached down to squeeze your hand gently

♡ “Kissing you makes me forget about everything else on my mind. I can just live in the present with you.”

♡ He moved close and gave you a peck above your eyebrow

♡ “You make me want to work hard and be a better person. You help motivate me to try my best, and you never give up on me. Why would I ever give up on you?”

♡ “I learn something new with you everyday. Like right now, I realize that I’ve never met someone who could so easily make my heart race as they could make my heart break.”

♡ “When I look at you, all I can think about is how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life as a partner and one of my best friends. Nobody else could fill the gaps within me the same way you do.”

♡ Leaning over to brush his lips against your forehead, he muttered, “I’m going to love every part of you, inside and out. You’re already my ideal. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I could go on about every detail on why I feel so strongly for you, but I’m here to show you everything there is to appreciate about yourself because you’re worth every ounce of care and effort. And if you can’t see it in yourself right now, I’ll love you more than enough for the both of us until you learn to love yourself. I’m here to help.”

♡ And after crying out your tears into his shoulder as he held you close and rubbed your back, you both went to his house to relax and have some dinner

♡ He was patient with you, taking into account how having a meal may have made you feel anxious

♡ It was something small and simple that you two agreed to prepare and share, after some tender coaxing from Oikawa

♡ He later made a list in his journal about tips to keep in mind:

♡ ‘Check up on y/n often to see how they’re feeling’

♡ ‘Encourage them to eat meals/snacks. Don’t be too pushy, but be patient. Try to have eat with them when you can!’

♡ ‘Remind them they don’t have to earn the right to eat, and that their body doesn’t define their worth‘

♡ ‘Look into some mindfulness techniques!’

♡ ‘Don’t overvalue physical appearance. Also focus on all the other redeeming qualities y/n has! But of course I’m always gonna tell them they look cutee--’

♡ True to his word, he remained understanding

♡ He’s there to listen to you, or to sit with you in comforting silence

♡ During lunch he would share his food with you, reassuring you that it wasn’t something you had to avoid

♡ Some days he succeeds in encouraging you to share a milk bun or your favorite snack with him

♡ And on days you really didn’t feel like it, he never forces anything onto you and instead made sure you at least hydrated

♡ Oikawa spends some time doing research and gathering tips on how to help you

♡ Always reminds you of your worth and how you bring out the best in him

♡ He’ll never hold it against you if you ever become hostile, irritated, or in denial. He knows you’re hurting and doesn’t take it personally

♡ Sends you cute memes with all those emoji hearts

♡ Also some food puns (Oikawa: “I’m soy into you. Please brie mine. We are mint to be. I ap-peach-iate you. You got a pizza my heart. Olive you--” ; You: *puts a hand over his mouth* ; Oikawa: 🥺 ; You: “...olive you, too”)

♡ Always ready to give up what he’s doing to make sure you’re okay

♡ Will stay up with you late at night to talk on the phone

♡ Reminds you you’re beautiful at least 8 times a day

♡ If y’all ever go shopping and you try things on in the fitting room,, Oikawa would be your #1 hype man

♡ One time you tried something on, and you were almost too ashamed to step out and show him

♡ But when you did, you were met with his surprise and excitement

♡ “dfghjklkuyfuh” was all you could process from his incoherent speech before he insisted on treating you by purchasing it for you (Oikawa: “Can you wear this for me, like, everyday?” ; You: *weird look* “Why are you like this??” you love it tho--)

♡ Gushes internally over how cute you are during your movie + cuddle sessions, mostly pays attention to you rather than the movie

♡ Mid-movie be like:

♡ Oikawa: “So, uh, what’s happening again?

♡ You: -.- “You might as well google the whole synopsis instead of watching it”

♡ Oikawa: “...it’s not my fault you’re distracting, babe”

♡ Always politely excuses himself from his fangirls to get to you. Also reassures you he much prefers to be with you than anyone else and that you’re the best catch ;)) (You: “Oikawa, no” ; Oikawa: “y/n, yes”)

♡ Suggested doing some meditation together once

♡ You listened to a recording and you sat side by side on a mat, but Oikawa thought the person’s voice sounded funny so he had a hard time focusing

♡ But it ended with y’all laughing and making jokes as he lay his lead on your lap and you played with his hair

♡ Y’all get better at it tho

♡ Cooking dates! To try to show you that food isn’t an enemy and can bring people together :)

♡ Puts music on so y’all can jam together (Oikawa: “Oh my gosh, y/n, this is my favorite song, you’re not even rEADY to see me perform-- ; You: “Oikawa, t-the food! It’s burning!!”)

♡ Cooking dates also show that you should never leave the stove unattended

♡ Every once in a while he suggests seeking professional help. He wishes he could take away your pain and help you all his own, but he knows this is more complicated and required outside help, too

♡ Has help resources READY

♡ As well as small snacks like granola bars for you if you ever feel faint

♡ He doesn’t hesitate to confront you when he feels it’s necessary and he’s worried about your habits

♡ He handles things well, though, and often convinces you to take care of yourself more, even though he’s there to look after you

♡ Has made it his mission to help you win against your battle with insecurities

♡ Overall, he’s very caring and empathetic, hoping one day you’ll see yourself the way he sees you 💖 : strong, amazing, breathtaking, & perfectly imperfect

kuroo

♡ Occasionally, you would think about the day you broke down in front of him

♡ Your body racked with repressed whimpers as you tried to wipe the tears from your eyes and describe the recent state of your mind through choked sobs

♡ Lately, your thoughts were being especially relentless in making you feel miserable

♡ Oftentimes you’d be able to shove the negative thoughts to the back of your mind and carry on your day as usual, expertly acting as though everything in your life was going smoothly

♡ However, you found yourself fighting a losing battle against your own conscious, heavily preoccupied with thoughts of your own worthlessness

♡ And so you tried to cope

♡ But you were painfully aware of everything you felt was wrong with you

♡ You felt uncomfortable in your skin

♡ Every time you passed by your own reflection, you couldn’t help but mentally recoil at the image looking back at you

♡ Your clothes didn’t fit right

♡ Even when you opted for baggy clothes, you felt like you were taking up all the space in them

♡ Maybe it was the weight gain. You could see and feel it in your face, your arms, your stomach, your legs... everywhere

♡ You just wanted to hide away your shame

♡ Perhaps it was the dessert you allowed yourself to eat the other day. Foolish of you to think then that you wouldn’t regret it as much as you did afterwards

♡ As a consequence of those foolish actions, you made mental notes about anything and everything you ate. What it was, how much of it you had, etc

♡ Trying to restrict so that maybe you would lose some weight and come to like how you look

♡ Your obsessive thoughts of food and weight overtook your mind like a dark cloud

♡ Your favorite foods, which before would never fail to brighten your mood, taunted you with shame and guilt

♡ Exercise? Sometimes it was an activity you genuinely enjoyed. Other times, a chore that made you feel shitty or numb and reinforced your unhealthy desire to lose

♡ And you sometimes found yourself crying over your last meal, one you know you didn’t need. One you didn’t deserve

♡ And each time you released the reins on your self-control, you felt pathetic going against the vow you made to yourself

♡ At this rate, you’d never be beautiful or be happy with yourself

-You’d remain unworthy, fat, disgusting--

-But before you could continue, your story was cut off by the impact of Kuroo’s embrace

-Your surprise silenced your sobs, and you could only stare wide-eyed at the space in front of you as you felt his arms squeeze tightly around your frame

-You both sat there for a few moments on your knees, with your back lightly leaning against a wall

- “I’m sorry for the pain you’re experiencing,” he begins softly. “Thank you for sharing with me. It must’ve taken a lot for you to do that.”

-He was right. It was your first time reaching out to another person about this. It was the last thing you thought you would’ve done today

- “I want to let you know that you shouldn’t be ashamed for feeling this way. Reaching out is important and brings you the help you need to get better. I know you might not want help right now or think that these thoughts and behaviors are a problem. However, telling me about all this shows that some part of you is recognizing there’s something wrong and you can’t always handle it on your own.”

-There were many reasons you kept this to yourself. You didn’t want to bother anyone else. Your problems seemed so trivial. You worried saying them aloud would confirm your beliefs. You were scared people would see you differently. You--

-The intrusive thoughts never failed to make you feel ashamed

-However, it was oddly comforting to release the pent up emotions. To know you didn’t have to bottle up this burden anymore, and that you weren’t alone

-You were about to murmur in response when,

- “Also, you’re an idiot, y/n.”

- “Wow, thanks, as if I don’t already think that about myself,” you bit back in response

-You were about to shove him away just when he released his grip around your body and placed his hands on your shoulders

-His eyes shone with determination and a faint, inviting smile spread on his lips

- “You are the one of the single most important things in my life. I just mean you’re an idiot in the sense that you’re overevaluating one aspect to define your whole self. You’ve forgotten about all your other redeeming qualities that contribute to who you are.”

♡ “Your size, weight, shape; none of that matters. What matters is your health and happiness. Neglecting yourself in order to reach an ‘ideal’ that you’ve concluded is the answer to your self-worth is only bringing you farther away from what you truly want.”

♡ “I don’t mean to downplay any of your emotions or how significant this is to you. Your first step was to put your trust into someone else about this. That’s done. Now, I’m here to help you undergo self-evaluation and serve as encouragement on your journey to self-love and acceptance.”

♡ “I also want to remind you progress is not linear. There will be times when things are harder, and that’s okay; it’s part of the process. If you’re open to getting better in the future, I’m sure as hell going to be there every step of the way.”

♡ And with a soft peck to the forehead and another hug, he nuzzled into your neck and muttered, “I love you. And I want you to love yourself. So, please, allow me to help you through this and I guarantee that by the end of it all, it’ll have been so worth it.”

♡ Unsure what to say, you gripped his jacket tighter, buried your head in his shoulder, and muttered, “Thank you.”

♡ While the negative feelings about yourself remained afterward, you were relieved that your boyfriend was supportive and calm

♡ He treated you the same as always, teasing you over dumb things while making you feel like you stood among the highest peaks on Earth

♡ The day after, he had shown up to your house, weary-eyed and carrying his backpack

♡ “Kuroo? Why are you here? Also, why do you look so tired??”

♡ He stepped into your house with a yawn. He stretched his arms, then reached for his bag and whipped out his laptop

♡ “I stayed up a bit last night to do some research, babe! I also learned a lot about nutrition and molecular gastronomy, so I could help you come up with a meal plan that you’re okay with!”

♡ You were touched he was educating himself on how to help you

♡ But you drew the line at the science jokes-- (Kuroo: “You know you love them.” ; You: “‘Na’ I don’t.” ; Kuroo: :ooo “Did you just-- Marry me.”) (Na = sodium lol)

♡ His nutritional research helped you to learn the contents of food beyond calories; mans explains the vitamins, nutrients, amino acids, etc in them that you need and their benefits

♡ “Trout, avocados, and almonds have vitamin E, which is good for your skin! Oh, and don’t get me started on bananas. Yes, they have carbs (which your body needs anyway as a source of energy!), but POTASSIUM?? Shit’s gonna regulate your fluid balance, maintain heart health, stimulate normal muscle function, AND help your brain to communicate with the rest of your body!”

♡ ALSO cooking dates; just as chaotic (“Aw mannn, the egg exploded all over the microwave!” dont ask y it was being microwaved)

♡ Over time, he’s taken mental notes about your thoughts, feelings, triggers, etc

♡ He’s quick to pick up on your mood and will always ask you how you’re doing

♡ Tries to do something special for you on days you’re especially not feeling well, like taking you on a spontaneous date! (You: “Do you know how to ice skate?” ; Kuroo: “Uhh,,, after today, I will hopefully”)

♡ But will also opt for staying in with you and cuddling when you don’t want to go out (Kuroo: “I heard this movie is soooo bad! ...wanna watch it?”)

♡ Invited you to the beach with his team during the first week of summer

♡ You were unsure about this, since that meant going out in public, potentially with minimal clothing

♡ You initially sat on a beach towel under an umbrella, wearing the security of a T-shirt. He’d been aware of how you felt ever since he asked you to come, so he would sit with you and link an arm around your shoulder

♡ “I’m lucky I get to spend this day with you,” he’d say. “You look gorgeous. You always do. Now, I wanna see you smile and have fun. Let’s go take a dip, yeah?” He offered his hand, which you shyly took, and pulled you up

♡ Then immediately picked you up and started running to the water to get you soaking wet, and you were forced to ditch the heavy, waterlogged shirt

♡ However, you silently thanked him for his sweet words, making you feel secure enough to just forget your worries and enjoy the warm sun and cool water

♡ He also tries his best to lessen your anxieties over food and often shares/eats meals with you

♡ Reminds you everyday how much you’re worth to him and that there’s nothing about you that needs to change

♡ This sweet, protective, n smart boi will treat you how you deserve. It’s a guarantee he’ll be there through thick and thin, and he’s excited for the day you realize you’re just as amazing as he knows you are 💕

a/n: oop this was rlly long lol mb, i just may or may not personally know a bit about this so i went oFF

also neded to some som silly n fluff bc we all need dat

also, these r like kinda hc’s ?? but also a deconstructed oneshot/scenario?? bc they provide some rly brief bg story? one from more of the character perspective while the other more on y/n before we get to the hc’s about how he treats y/n. how everyone struggles w body image is different n i wanted to portray a bit of what it felt like and how it could manifest in ppl’s behaviors/thoughts. however, this is not to say that everyone feels exactly like this. what i wrote only represents a fraction of it all.

by providing some sort of bg i hope im not making u feel like this isnt u or that u cant relate, pls lmk if i need to change anything to make it right for u <3 ok now im actually done sry long author’s note rfguhofe this is just rlly important to me y’all , stay safe n take care, much luv for u <3

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu reader insert #haikyuu x reader angst #oikawa x reader #kuroo x reader #oikawa tooru #kuroo tetsurou #haikyuu x reader fluff #tw

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wr0ngalice · 5 years ago

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9:21p 4.17.20

wow i just wrote the most elaborate and elegant and honest thing i think i have conveyed in well years, and it’s gone because tumblr’s interface is absolute crap. i only hope i can remember it all again. i can’t write anything other than in a fucking tumblr text sheet. i really can’t and i haven’t been able to in years and I CANNOT CONVEY HOW ANGRY I AM THAT THIS JUST HAPPENED.

it’s 2020 and the world is on fire.

i don’t know where to begin, to pick up from sebastian, to talk about my still non-existent sex life, to talk about that it’s 2020, that there is a world wide pandemic and that i am unemployed and about to be homeless and i have no plan.

as the rain began i stood listening to my neighbors babble. high as a kite i started to not be able to take full breathes having just ingested an entire takeout container of lasagna and mozzerella sticks feeling completely glutinous and disgusting. a panic rushed over me but so did the urge to write and be honest with myself through my weird relays of my stories. i put out my cigarette on the worn out gate and rushed into my house, i could feel the anxiety attack taking over and my breath getting shorter so i specified each step of my way in....grab key....wash hands.....pee.......put my bluetooth back on so i could start music....because this was the kind of high the kind of panic only soothed by masturbating. and so i did, and here i am.

my name is deanna and i have boys on my brain (i’m laughing). i guess i should start off with the most honest sentiment i’ll ever conjure about my existence: my body image issues have held me back from every feeling like i am worth anything or worthy of anyone’s attention. i view my body as a currency, one that is cheap, of low quality and worthless to most. i have never been able to learn how to love my body or myself, i do not take care of it or feel capable of taking care of it. i spent some time feeling like it’s okay to feel like this and look like this and that someday someone will love it. but most of the time i feel worthless and like i am disgusting and that being fat is stopping me from ever truly feeling happy, being love, feeling accepted, or being truly who i feel like i am. it feels completely impossible and unachievable. and i’ve demonized anyone who ever made me feel like i’m supposed to care, or that i should feel bad for not caring enough what other people think of me. and then the cycle of shame starts, for looking this way shame for feeling this way, shame for feeling like fat people are worth less than anyone else, shame that i am one of them and stay this way. shame.

i’m sad about a boy. i met him on discord playing a killer queen black. you ever know you are enamored by tone of someone’s voice when they hear yours? feeling a chemistry that awakens your smile too quickly to feel comfortable with. it was those simple things. a shitty emoji. sending me pictures of animals, bad memes and youtube videos. sending me drawings of pokemon, seemingly genuinely interest in every silly thing i send you back. listening to the songs i suggest and the playlists i send all the way through. asking me what i am doing. good morning texts at 1pm and sweet dreams every night. being excited i am in the vc and spitting quick call backs to only conversations we’d know while everyone is listening. being there all day and making me feel like you wanted me there too, like i wasn’t just someone else to talk to. staying up all night drinking wine and watching hunter x hunter to the sunrise or until one of our sedatives takes us out. i send you my real name, and my twitter, and built up the nerve to sent my instagram and thinking there’s no way he keeps talking to me if he doesn’t like what he sees so it is safe to send him the link to my live stream that contains my facebook with my complete honestly. and then for it all to get awkward. and so i know that he feels a different way not but he’s not saying it. because it feels different now, because he’s there still always answering or messaging first, but it’s shorter now and less personal. the call backs are less because the messages are less, and the offer to stay up with me is still there but feels less genuine and more like you kinda feel like you have to. maybe it’s all in my head. maybe it’s not because when something feels weird it usually is weird. so why keep up the half ass? today you didn’t really and i am so sad, but so grateful. get this over quick if it’s happening. cause i can’t deal with being that lone right now. i watched a video about the important of discerning chemistry from compatibility and at the start felt ready to write it off because yin and yang, opposites can complete each other. but by the end i realize that made our chemistry is so bright i am being blinded into thinking we can fill each other’s gaps in compatibility but how hard we make each other laugh. i can discern all the examples of what i call chemistry, but there’s all the actions the show the chemistry is not electric enough to fill the holes in our compatibility. i want every reason to believe this is wrong and i want you to give it to me. i want you to think i am beautiful because of the person you’ve gotten to know every night for months.

i masturbated to the memories of my dream of kissing levy last night. i tasted his lips as if i had tasted his love before, the familiar warmth of his “hey yourself” feeling like enough of the familiarity and comfort i need to get myself off. the overwhelming loneliness prompting me to call him after all this time. i haven’t really thought about him in a longing way, just a passing thought on the bye, and i admire my ability to stop answering when i knew it was doing too much to me. i’m neither sad or surprised that he didn’t answer me. i think the real question is whether i will feel the need to know his love at the end of our next conversation. i guess it was probably the transition of moving to new york, and the way he seemed to be invested in me figuring out my shit sometimes. it feels so rare that people care about the person i am that when it happens i immediately only know how respond by sexualizing the love i want to give back. he seemed like he wanted to know me and understand why i do the things i did, he listened to the ways i believe the world work and he changed his opinions because of the way i expressed my thoughts. that felt so powerful to me. it felt like he wanted me there, and i liked that he liked the way i spoke about existing and he wanted to be a part of it. like he knew i was connecting my soul to his soul, and like he had been honest about really not being able to give that to another person, like he wanted me to be there but he knew he was hurting me by letting me stay because he wasn’t capable of giving himself away. it feels like this really sad thing that when typed out sounds so dramatic. and i want nothing in the world than for him to know that i think this way, and i want him to tell me that i am crazy and read so much into nothing, or to tell me that i am right, that i understand his soul and that we are connected the way that i felt we were.

i need this. i cannot understand why writing in a tumblr textbox is the only way to talk about deanna. i spent so long writing to her here, and now that i am with her again, now that i really feel like i am her, i can say here now that it wasn’t about becoming her or working towards finding my way back to her, it was about accepting that i wasn’t all the things i thought i was and that i wasn’t going to be able to achieve all these things that would supposedly make me better. i am deanna all the time and “future deanna” is here with me today. i’m not working towards anything that i am not actively doing right now.

i wanted to stop here, the rest of this might not be so in touch. maybe it will. i’ve been under quarantine in brooklyn since march 10, 2020. this reminds me i need to talk about killer queen eventually, huh? coronavirus is changing the entire globe. this is that shit that has a major red subtitle in the future history books. i can’t go to the grocery store without wearing a face mask. this isn’t some weird movie that i don’t like, this is real life. i lost my job. i have to move out of my apartment at the end of next month and i have no idea where i am going to go. people are dying at insane rates. nothing in the world feels certain. donald trump is killing people. he’s our fucking president and after all this time i still haven’t accepted that that really happened. the things that are important in my world are so much different now. and their competing forces are compounded by nihilism and salty existentialism. and this makes it hard for me to think about the future.

i’m gonna figure out a way to keep writing. this feels important.

#personal

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aeducanka · 5 years ago

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OC Profile Meme

Thanks for the tag to the wonderful @gingerbreton!

I decided to go with my precious darling, Em!

(A part of my birthday present from wonderful Annorelka. Go follow her on deviantArt or Instagram! She is an amazing artist that you need in your life.)

________________________________________________________________

PHYSICAL

Name: Emerald Aeducan.

Nickname: to most people she is either Emerald or Em but when she was a child, her relatives used to call her "Emmie" (even in the Prologue Trian was still using this nickname in a condescending manner). To Sten Emerald is simply "Warden". Alistair, Zevran, Morrigan and Oghren sometimes call her "Princess" and only the context says whether the intention was playful or hurtful.

Age: 23 at the time of her recruitment to the Grey Wardens, had her 24th birthday slightly over a month later.

Species: dwarf (Orzammar).

Morality: (at the time of Prologue) self-proclaimed lawful good, (after the Prologue) self-proclaimed neutral good. It is debatable whether she is truly good or just a neutral with a strong inclination to do good, especially to the people she cares about.

PERSONAL

Religion: officially she believes in the Stone and you cannot prove otherwise.

That being said, she is a chief supporter ONLY of the reformed "church" of the Stone - the foundation stays the same, but the principles are as follows: good people enrich the Stone, assholes weaken it, and your nobility will not save you from the Stone's scrutiny SO YOU BETTER BE NICE.

Sins: greed/gluttony/sloth/lust/PRIDE/~envy~/wrath.

Emerald's greatest fault is her pride. Although the time spent in exile made her, more or less, aware of her shortcomings and able to express genuine humility (or even self-deprecation of sorts), Emerald, deep down, is convinced of her superiority to ALMOST EVERYONE. She knows that she is awesome, she has the papers to prove it, and even if she does not flaunt her superiority in your face, you still ~know~ that she judges you in the categories "If I were you, I would never make any of your mistakes". She goes to great lengths to change it as the Queen.

Virtues: chastity/ CHARITY/ DILLIGENCE/ humility/ KINDNESS/ ~patience~/ ~JUSTICE~.

Ooh, it is a tricky one since Emerald does her best to project an idealized version of herself. That being said, her humility is more often than not depression-induced so it does not really count. Her first marriage was very chaste, but then she did not love her husband and so I would not count is as genuine chastity. She may appear patient but she is still very much struggling with it. She is also very just for someone raised as a spoiled noblewoman, but due to her sheltered life, I feel that she has still a lot to learn.

Known languages: her mother tongue is Common as spoken in Orzammar.

As Orzammar is a fairly isolationist kingdom, I cannot say how much impact there was on the princess learning foreign languages. A language nerd myself, I like to think that Emerald knows at least a little bit of Orlesian (due to Orlais being Orzammar's best trading partner) and Tevene (due to the dwarven minority living there), but it is purely my speculation. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For sure Emerald picks up random words and phrases from Leliana, Zevran and Sten - partially because she is a nerd but mostly because she knows that ~being more understood~ would make them happy.

Build: scrawny/bony/slender/fit/ATHLETIC/~curvy~/herculean/pudgy/plus size/average.

A friend of mine saw Queen Emerald take off her shirt in the shower, and she said that Queen Emerald had an eight pack, that Queen Emerald was shredded.

(She seems curvy only to a non-dwarven eye, though. To dwarves her charms are only slightly above average.)

Height: ???

Scars/Birthmarks: information classified! She was lucky enough not to receive any scars that would be difficult to hide with casual clothing, though.

Abilities/Powers:

1. She is a born diplomat and a pacifist who will do her best to resolve a conflict without unnecessary bloodshed.

2. She is well-versed in Orzammar's politics and her unshakable composure attests to it.

3. She makes excellent first impressions and can befriend people easily.

4. She is a good leader and advisor.

5. She makes for an empathetic friend who can listen to you rant for hours.

6. She is a good tactician and I firmly believe that she could beat Cullen in chess.

7. She is a trained warrior, by Landsmeet physically stronger than Alistair, who relies both on her smarts, her dexterity and strength.

8. She draws fun and happiness from the world's most boring hobbies which surely must be a some kind of witchcraft.

9. She shares Alistair's sense of humour, enough said.

Restrictions:

1. Her reputation of a fratricidal ex-princess makes any negotiations in Orzammar kind of difficult.

2. She speaks very posh which triggers some people's *Oghren, cough, Oghren* bratty princess alert.

3. Despite being well-versed in politics, she is a bit too idealistic, too merciful, and she used to trust her family members blindly.

4. Her composure does not really falter even among friends which gives off an impression that she is keeping distance... which she is, but not to THAT extent.

5. She is an excellent advisor… until she becomes frustrated because her advice is not listened to and her input is ignored.

6. She is good at listening to people for long periods of time, but if it is not important, she may not give the rant her full attention (getting just enough gist not to be accused of ignoring the person and dismissing the most of it when it is no longer useful).

7. She does not step up for a leadership position, despite her qualifications, unless the circumstances literally force her to do so.

8. As much as tactics go, she is miserable with games other than chess because either she will not realize that her opponent is a cheater (Isabella, round 1) or, which is worse, she will not be able to prove that her opponent is cheating (Isabella, round 2).

9. She is smart and well-trained but not very inspired as a warrior. She could be defeated by stronger people, more dexterous people, smarter people, luckier people or people who, like Kallista Tabris, are very dedicated to their craft.

FAVOURITES:

Food: anything that hails from Orzammar! Nothing makes you long for your local cuisine better than a bitter exile. Also, she would not put herself above eating a nug. Sorry, Leliana!

Pizza topping: (modern AU) corn and mushrooms. Emerald is by no means a vegetarian but she is very picky about meat so in most cases - a vegetarian pizza it is!

Colour: her all-time favourite is purple, but, frankly, Emerald is the embodiment of "Do you like the colour of the sky?" meme. Her exile to the surface made her aware of a brand new palette of colours and she loves them all. That being said, early on her "comfort" colours were the subdued earthy colours of Orzammar.

Music genre: she mostly listens to instrumentals, both in the canon and in the modern AU. She is very picky with songs, though I could see her enjoying a band as “low brow” as ABBA. During her exile she develops a soft spot for Fereldan folk songs and Leliana's Orlesian-Fereldan repertoire.

Movie genre: Emerald is not much of a movie fan. Generally, she does not have time for them. She mostly watches documentaries with some classics/awards nominated movies thrown in for a good measure. She could be persuaded to watch something entirely outside her watching preferences when quality time with friends is the main incentive.

Curse words: Emerald does not cuss, especially not in public, but I think that there are certain dwarven words she says in her thoughts when the situation goes badly.

Scents: Emerald does not like the smell of the rain and she even agrees with Sten about Ferelden smelling like a wet dog, but during her rule there is nothing she misses more.

FUN STUFF:

Bottom or top: that is disgusting. And wrong. I don’t even get- why would- Her Royal Highness has never had sex with anyone, anywhere. It is none of your- you have- the nerve, the audacity, she is the Queen of Orzammar and about to get married. Warden Alistair is her former companion, barely, and he is just awful, humour-wise. And how- how- do I know, frankly, that you are not sleeping with him? Maybe you are. Maybe you are trying to throw me off? Hmm, check and mate.

Sings in the shower: not all all, she is too aware of her lack of singing talent. Sometimes she hums to herself, though.

Likes puns: all kinds of them, with strong preference to Alistair ones, and ability to make almost EXCLUSIVELY the terrible ones.

________________________________________________________________

Phew! It was a long one. Sorry, I have a tendency for writing much more than I should. ^^”

Tagging: @bitchesofostwick, @bluekaddis, @etoilebinaire, @dekudoodle, @lady--revan and @visionmarred (Hi! Reverienne here!), @gingerbreton (Freya? 👀). As always, there is absolutely no pressure!

Tagging back is fine but only at your own risk!

#Dragon Age #Dragon Age Origins #Warden Aeducan #Emerald Aeducan #ask meme #my characters

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nibscribs · 6 years ago

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So uhhhh I drew a lot of RWBY this year... only two of these are non RWBY and tbh I could have just as easily put something RWBY for June Template

Retrospective under the cut bc it’s LONG

RETROSPECTIVE January: First piece of the year! I still like this piece and I think it shows how much I improved from the original version of it. Also I just like looking at it bc it's soft content of my rare pair. I do think I made the rose look photorealistic which looks... bad esp with all the other more stylized flowers, and I got lazy with the bleeding hearts by just drawing one set and flipping them. Emerald's hair also could look better. February: I made this around GNG week, which was a fun, good time, long before the server imploded on itself. I got really lazy with the backgrounds, obviously, but I do like the poses in this one, tho it helped that I based it off of screenshots from Young Justice. I also just really like how Merc looks in this one. March: March wasn't a very prolific month for art, I don't think I produced much besides this and one comic piece for GNG week. I'm not sure why exactly, I can't find any specific reason why I would be unproductive that month. I'm gonna just assume I was drained from work all the time and didn't have the energy to put out good art, and also I was getting into a slump bc all my art was starting to look same-y. This piece isn't very good, but I chose it because I did it without a reference, and at this point that was going out of my comfort zone. It's obviously not super dynamic, but at the very least you can tell I intended there to be motion to it. April: This also wasn't a very prolific month for art, not as bad as March, but for the same reasons. I was also really starting to feel burnout from the RWBY fandom, specifically wasps and conflict within the GNG server. This was also when the Art vs the Artist meme was popular, and I realized I didn't want to do that meme because my art was too similar and boring, which also brought me down a peg. Though I put out a few good chibis in April, I chose my Mercury redesign bc I was really proud of it. I could never get the Emerald redesign to mesh quite right, but I can say I'm really proud of how Mercury's came out. May: May had me bounce out of my art slump and in full force trying to expand my skills! Specifically exploring painting. Although May was about as prolific as April, what I did create I put a lot into. It was difficult to pick between this and my app of Edison, because I'm really proud of both, but in the end I went with this commission of Mercury because I pushed myself to try and use an interesting perspective for the piece instead of my usual stand still and face the camera pose. Because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, this was one of the best things I made all year, and may be my favorite piece of the year. June: TIME TO STRESS OUT ABOUT CONNECTICON! So if you follow me on twitter, you might have noticed I made a lot of posts at the beginning of the year low key throwing shade at myself for drawing my oc's instead of more "important" art. Well, that important art that I was procrastinating was con merch, and con was the second week of July, so I really had to get my ass in gear to finish merch on time (spoiler, I didn't finish a lot of it on time). This piece and July's piece are both posters I made for Connecticon, and while I like July's much better, that doesn't mean I find this piece bad. I really should have known that no one at con would realize it was a goonies reference tho -_-; I also lost a lot of love for this piece after season 6 of Voltron, which I watched while I was about 60% of the way through this piece, so I had to force myself to finish it. July: I love this piece!!!! Don't get me wrong, I know it has flaws, but look at it! The lines are so crisp, the colors look good, Roman and Merc's expressions are mwuah chefs kiss, and I just love all of them!!! ... except for Neo. I really didn't do her justice in this piece, her hair is too fluffy, her head is way to oversized to the point that she looks like a bobblehead, and her eyes are too close together. Really if you take out Neo's head that whole problem goes away. I also love all the tiny details I put in this one, from emerald's chaps to roman's rose to Neo's lace parasol. You can tell I was way more passionate about this piece than I was about the Voltron piece. August: pretty sure this is when I quit my job cashiering, and thank god bc customers suck. If I was going off of sheer popularity, Chibi Pyrrha would have taken this slot no contest, and while I love chibi Pyrrha, I don't think it was the best of the month. I chose this little princess and the pauper au doodle because I tried a year ago to draw these two dancing, and it looked like dog shit. It was flat and ugly. But this has motion to it, and even looking at it now makes me feel warm and happy inside. It's just a good cute drawing of my otp. September: My piece for the RWBY tarot project! I have a lot of mixed emotions about this one. on the one hand, I love how mercury looks, his expression, the lighting, the visceral gore from his legs (ESPECIALLY THE VISCERAL GORE ON HIS LEGS) and the hands of the undead, all look stunning and I don't think I could be more happy with how they turned out. And then we get to the background. The caduceus isn't the worst thing ever, but it's severely lacking in quality compared to the rendering on mercury in front of it, and a lot of it is clearly pixellated from me trying to stretch and squash it just right. And the fire is a hot (no pun intended) mess. It's flat, incoherent, and doesn't lead the eye anywhere. It's a shame too because I wanted to do more with it, but I a) didn't have enough time or patience to figure out what I needed to do to fix it and b) didn't want to go outside of my comfort level, so I gave up and decided to be satisfied with what I had. October: October was another good month for art, I made a turnaround sheet for Moss, painted a full body (and slightly lewd) Rudy, and made a decent attempt at inktober. Ok, so I got like 2 days in, but I improved a lot on inking from last year! Fun fact! this piece was originally going to be fan art of Lindsay Jones, but after I did some thumbnails to figure out a pose, I thought it would suit White Diamond better, and I could also sell it as merch. I love this piece. I think I captured the sinister mood well, and conveyed the story I wanted to without any dialogue (at least the notes on Tumblr make me assume I did a decent job, lotta people really wigged out lol) I really worked hard to get the lighting right on this one, and I think it shows. My absolutely favorite thing about this piece funnily enough, is Amethyst. I think I just did a great job drawing her and I'm proud of myself ok. Stevens bubble and my trouble figuring out how to get WD's leg just right are the only things that I dislike about this piece, but I might go back and fix those. November: IM SO PROUD OF THIS COMMISSION!!!!!! I worked so god damn hard on this chef's kiss poifect, and it really shows. I started using a new brush at this point, the Ojing series on Clip Studio Paint, which I recommend and have been using a lot since. I've also been using this shading technique since drawing this. I love how it sort of fades out but it's still really crisp. I also love all the little details that give this piece character, like her shoes and the stripes on her jacket. This piece really takes a lot of the stuff I learned over the year and combines it into one piece, and I could not be prouder of it. I have absolutely no problems with this one, though I do find the weapon a bit plain, but it's what the client described. December: AND NOW IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!! I had been working on this piece since August, going back to it every now and then and getting frustrated. I'm really glad I came back to it and finally finished it, since I love this pair and I put a lot of effort into it back in August. However, I'm also really glad I completely overhauled a lot of it, specifically the flowers. Though I'm not 100% happy with the mums in this one, they look a thousand times better than the mums I had originally sketched back in August, and were part of the reason I had such a hard time finishing this for months. I also thought it would be nice to end the year on the same note it started; with a flower couple. I've definitely learned a lot since January, and I hope to continue growing in 2019! 2019 GOALS!

Work on backgrounds for the love of god

Draw more stuff that isn't RWBY

Perspective

Make more speed paints and post more to youtube in general

#2018 summary of art #2018 retrospective #art progress #year in review #not art

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secretbranch · 5 years ago

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LRR OF THE SPARK

Okay, so in a recent live TCC, LRR was asked what planeswalkers they associate with “everyone in LoadingReadyRun”, and they gave some great answers, so I wanted to compile them as well as add my own opinions, so without further ado....

(also note that race/gender don’t factor here) Graham (Garruk)

Graham has cosplayed as Garruk for videos before, and you can totally see it. They also threw around the idea of Angrath, which I will admit I like better, but I also know that, for better or for worse, due to recent developments, Graham has cemented himself into the mono green man of the wild. (Plus, I wanted to use the stained glass art versions of all the walkers, and then I realized Graham was Garruk rip #whereareyougarruk) Paul (Karn)

You could argue that Paul is some sort of blue mage because of his endless experimentation in Friday Nights, but while Karn may not approve of some of Paul’s designs, he would appreciate the effort. Also, I mean, Paul’s card in Friday Nights is colorless for a reason, right? James (Angrath)

Alright, so a bunch of names were thrown around for James (Nicol Bolas, Gideon, Ajani [because he’s so supportive {sarcasm}]), and I personally didn’t think any of them fit. I then remembered a conversation I heard on stream (can’t remember exactly when, otherwise I’d link it), but someone referred to James as “Kind of a dick, but still has a heart of gold”, and that made me think of Angrath’s story from Ixalan, and I realized he was the perfect fit. Also, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard someone in chat say that James would make a great dad, I wouldn’t be yet another broke millennial, hahah. Ha.

Kathleen (Sorin)

This is one where you may have a different opinion than the LRR friends. Whether or not you consider it low-hanging fruit, you may have thought of Liliana first. While I do admit there is some merit to Kathleen being our goth queen, wielding her horde of Brave New Faves listeners against the forces of evil, a helpful, totally extra edgelord is not far off either.

Alex (Saheeli)

Alex was the first of a couple people whom I almost gave Tibalt. Early Friday Nights had him pinned as some sort of Rakdos Madman obsessed with explosives, sort of like if a goblin was a person. But, frankly, I don’t think the Demon Prince fits Alex very well. Alex is super creative, which you know if you’ve seen his art or his comics. He’s also been referred to as a “meme nexus”, and has a lot of information stored in his brain (which paved the way for the discussion of “Alex-isms”). His ability to create and appreciation of the world around him s very reminiscent to me at least of Saheeli. Plus, Alex doesn’t give a shit about your gender norms anyway. Fuck ‘em.

Cameron (Tamiyo)

Books? Notes? Yep, that’s Cam. Also, without a doubt, some of the deepest cuts and references you will ever hear on LoadingReadyRun have been from Cameron. He is the longest running co-host of a show where they analyze video games as art. Come on, the similarities keep coming. Also, Cam would totally be down to say “fuck your gender norms”. He is beauty, he is grace, and yet he will trip and fall and somehow find a way to land directly on his funny bone.

Ian (Daretti)

As discussed in the video, Ian is absolutely the tinkering goblin madman that turns into an evil genius in the sequel. Like, the show is LITERALLY called TINKER Tailor Solder Fry. Not to mention Daretti’s other quality: D E C A D E N C E. Some goblins will settle for any trash. Daretti only settles for the highest quality of trash. I feel like this statement highly resonates with Ian. Plus, there’s probably some “waifu is trash” joke that I’m missing since I don’t watch anime, but regardless: perfect fit.

Cori (Huatli)

They almost said Vivien, but then Cam pointed out (and I totally agree) that Cori would have red or blue in her color identity. So, here is Cori! She’s super helpful and friendly and wholesome, and she also reins Ian in when he goes a little too off the rails. That being said, Cori has been known to go off the rails a little herself, and is super creative, so Huatli seems like a nice match.

Beej (Sarkhan)

So this was what the LRR folks picked at the panel, and it catches a lot of people offguard. The universal first response I think is Tibalt, E̻̻͙̭̼̅́ͯ̒ͅX̸̠̫̟̙̣̮͔ͬͯ̈́ͤͤP͌ͨͫ̄́͏̠͉Eͦͨͨ͊͂̓҉̱R̷̠͔̮̲̥̘͚̄̈́̅ͧ̇̃I̲̙̗͇͌ͮ̃́̚E̢͇̝͆ͪ̑̌ͧͮ̎NC̓̒̐͆͐͂ͭ҉̥̺̞E̠͖̐͊ͬ̔̐͊̎̕ ̮̪͒ͣ́͗͆̆̏͠B̥͍̳̲̠̳̀̓̏ͥͮ̈́ͣE͇̳̫͙͕ͅͅE͈̱̜͈̱̱̲J̼̉̔ͅ and all that. But, after thinking about it, Sarkhan is a rambling madman who turned out to know more about the universe than almost anyone, and isn’t that in the spirit of E̻̻͙̭̼̅́ͯ̒ͅX̸̠̫̟̙̣̮͔ͬͯ̈́ͤͤP͌ͨͫ̄́͏̠͉Eͦͨͨ͊͂̓҉̱R̷̠͔̮̲̥̘͚̄̈́̅ͧ̇̃I̲̙̗͇͌ͮ̃́̚E̢͇̝͆ͪ̑̌ͧͮ̎NC̓̒̐͆͐͂ͭ҉̥̺̞E̠͖̐͊ͬ̔̐͊̎̕ ̮̪͒ͣ́͗͆̆̏͠B̥͍̳̲̠̳̀̓̏ͥͮ̈́ͣE͇̳̫͙͕ͅͅE͈̱̜͈̱̱̲J̼̉̔ͅ?

Heather (Jaya)

This was another personal pick of mine, and I really like it. Cute but fierce is something I can totally see describing Heather. Like, Heather definitely has this very loving, innocent mindset, but anyone who has seen enough Rhythm Cafe knows that that statement isn’t entirely true. She also seems like someone who will fiercely protect her friends, and that’s something Jaya can definitely get behind.

Serge (Yanggu)

You knew it was coming. How could you not see it coming; the adorable doggo-wielding cinnamon roll who can surely kill you with his boyish smile while simultaneously actually killing you? Everyone in chat always protects Serge when bullies like Adam or James show up, even when Serge was sassing them seconds before. Also, Yanggu is a green mage, and we all know how Serge feels about lands.

Ben (Chandra)

In the words of Kathleen: “THIS ONE IS MY FINEST HOUR!!!!” Think about it. Ben has always said he’s most closely aligned with Red and Green, and here’s this planeswalker that can be both a wild child and super wholesome. Also, canonically a member of the LGBT+ community. ALSO, you KNOW Chandra is super supportive of people when she’s not immolating them. I didn’t even think of the Zippotricks McEdgelord thing until I was halfway through this. His individuality, his creativity, he is Chandra in disguise.

Adam (Koth of the Hammer)

Beefcake of the Mountains? Adam Savidan??? Absolutely. I will admit, this is what LRR said, and I would have gone for someone a little more studious since I know that’s a lot of the Adam we don’t see on camera, but as for what we DO see, hell yeah. I also find it hilarious that the guy acting as the conductor for the WE’RE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE train wasn’t even in War of the Spark. Rip in pieces, Koth. Matt G (Ral)

I’ll be honest, at time of posting, Matt is still fairly new to streams, and I haven’t seen a lot of stuff he’s done, but I’ve seen his personality through his editing (which is always amazing btw), and his creativity and very open personality is expressed greatly in Ral. Plus, I mean, when there’s low-hanging fruit, sometimes you’ve just gotta give the gay boi the gay boi.

(Bonus Friday Nights A-LRR-mni)

(Note that this is mainly their Friday Nights Personalities)

Jer P. (Teferi)

Super organized, methodical, intelligent. Who the heck is WILLING to sort their cards, let alone OTHER PEOPLE’S? Jer has had to since move on from LRR, which is sort of like Teferi retiring from planeswalking. And I mean, come on.

Matt W. (Ob Nixilis)

Hear me out. I’m not saying Matt is a demon. I am saying he is absolutely Ob BEFORE he broke the contract. Throughout his episodes in Friday Nights, he is ob-sessed (don’t you love my puns?) with winning. Furthermore, like Ian, decadence is a word that comes to mind when you consider the way he talks. A very sinister villain is Wiggins who returns every time we go back to Zendikar (or have a Desert Bus, but you get it) And that’s it!!! This was a fun homage as well as a much needed trip down memory lane. Hope everyone enjoys, while I know folks will disagree with my picks. Don’t forget to check out all of the links I hid in here. Big thanks to LRR for existing and being so wholesome and good. You guys rock.

#lrr #loadingreadyrun #mtg #friday nights #planeswalkers

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thesinglesjukebox · 6 years ago

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LOONA - BUTTERFLY [6.20] Does a [6.20] count as stanning? Who can say...

David Sheffieck: The LOONA meme has so far been more memorable than the LOONA singles, but this might be the point where that relationship flips. "Butterfly" packs in hooks but doesn't overload itself, and the chorus sounds like DJ Snake giving pop a chance -- which surprisingly turns out to be a great idea. If they can keep this up they might start to match the hype. [7]

Iain Mew: Sometimes I want a song, and sometimes I'm happy with an expressive wash of sounds that cascade over any structure, words set loose and floating around as the next best thing to the flight they invoke. This is one of the latter times and then some. [8]

Alex Clifton: There are moments in "Butterfly" that just soar unexpectedly, like the pitch-shifted "fly like a butterfly" in the chorus. Every time it hits my arms feel a little lighter, like I might ascend myself. A song about flying should convince you that such a thing is possible, that you too are going to take off and accomplish your dreams. I think LOONA has succeeded here without going too twee (a difficult line when writing about butterflies specifically). [7]

Iris Xie: Wow, if you actually enchanted the holographic '90s butterfly clips I had as a child and made them sentient, I think it would be this song. LOONA continue isolating the highest pitched parts and amping up the woozy house aspects of Grimes's output, but that only helps hone the girlish, but not childish, wonder that is present here. I am slightly disappointed that the vocal track makes it sound like there's only one single voice rather than twelve unique voices, and there could be better usage of the harmonies, but the instrumental does the heavy lifting here. The three hooks of "fly like a butterfly / I better be around you / wings, wings" weave in and out of the drops, sonically conveying the theme as the notes go higher and higher. However, what stands out to me is that "Butterfly" really lays K-pop and its genre tropes bare -- there's a substantial force behind this song that actually communicates the feeling of being commanded to pay attention and listen to LOONA, and if you know K-pop, you know exactly what is happening in each section of the song performance-wise, right down to the hand gestures and winks. If you do well in biding those instructions, you will be rewarded by being grabbed and thrown into the group's particular dreamscape. Here, this is emphasized through the surprisingly substantial fierceness of the drops, which repeats throughout the song. I've been listening to K-pop for several years now, but I don't think it's ever been so evident to me until this song what the genre tries to accomplish -- a deep grab for your attention, within every possible method, but always starting with the song. [7]

Ryo Miyauchi: The climactic release has been important for LOONA songs at least since the yyxy era. The ghastly beat of "New" suggested a shedding of youth into a more adult phase of seeking danger as thrill. The future-bass drop of "Egoist" ripped off the binding chains to finally achieve self-acceptance and self-sufficiency. And when the group came together as one, the drumming rush at the center of "Hi High" unleashed their emotions with its very intensity in tact not unlike fromis_9's "Love Bomb." "Butterfly" opts to do the same with its huge squeaking drop that rids their inhibitions as a direct expression of the transformation phase in their metamorphosis, cutting through the silence with power but also with grace. However, that spotlessness of the song's choreography also makes me want more songs like "Heart Attack" and "Hi High" from LOONA that reflect just how hard to sort and suppress their feelings might be. [6]

Anna Suiter: When "Butterfly" was released two weeks ago, I would've given it a [4]. The song just felt flat, and everyone's voices ran together except for Chuu's. But eventually that pitched whistle bit in the chorus got into my head and stuck there. It really does make you want to fly a little bit. When you include the very deliberate diversity of the music video and the overall "we are all LOONA" them of the promo, it floats a little more, even if it's not enough to truly make it soar. [7]

Thomas Inskeep: This seems to start off too slowly at first, but once the chorus hits you realize that this is the musical effect of the chrysalis becoming the butterfly. And after a bit, the woozy tempo makes all the sense in the world (especially with that bridge). This is EDM pop using its powers for good rather than evil: "Butterfly" is frankly kinda weird, and for K-pop fairly out there, but it works, and grows on you. [6]

Rebecca A. Gowns: With the usual disclaimer that I haven't heard much K-pop, here goes: I like the vocals in the verses, and strongly dislike the vocals in the chorus (too much high/low pitch-shifting for my taste, and the word "butterfly" is too feathery and insubstantial). The verses feel like they're building up to something, but then the chorus is too obvious, a glitter pen doodle of a butterfly on a middle school binder. Which is fine, I guess, just not really my thing! The instrumentation works in some places (the opening, the bridge), but for most of the song it just sounds like a cacophony. [4]

Katherine St Asaph: Like "Teenage Dream" with twelve hundred thousand other things going on. Plenty of them are good things, like the pinging high notes or the breakdown like an EDM drop through compound eyes, but together they make this so damn crowded. And I still don't understand the ARG hype at all. [6]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Incredible how every Orbit is delusionally praising these OT12 LOONA singles as if they're not terribly predictable and a major step back from the pre-debut material. Blockberry Creative understands that people are already invested in each member and will gleefully obsess over the convoluted ARG elements, so it's tempting to feel like LOONA's music is now an afterthought given the dip in quality and creativity. "Butterfly" has the same talk-rapping we've heard ample times before, and the same dance music tropes that K-pop fans love slapping with the not-exactly-accurate term "future bass." The attempt at capturing the lyrics' sense of boundless, buoyant ecstasy is obvious with various musical elements -- the trailing off of vocal melodies, the ebb and flow of the beat, the reverbed snapping -- but it feels frustratingly restricted, like performative gestures at something it couldn't possibly achieve. The occasional dubstep wobbles provide a gritty contrast to the song's otherwise pristine sound, but "Butterfly" is ultimately too formal and insipid to soar. You can "stan talent," sure, but talent doesn't guarantee good songs. [4]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

#loona #k-pop #music #new music #music video #music writing #music reviews

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rhainontheshelves · 6 years ago

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Hey could I request 94 & 87 for Rocky?

A/N: In light of the Astro comeback, I finally ditched my original idea for this and came up with this! Thanks for being patient for a year and 4 months! Happy New Year, and happy reading! - Rhin

#94: “I had a bad dream again.”

#87: “Stay awake.”

You woke up in a sweat, your heart racing and mouth dry. Your head whipped to the left, expecting someone to be there, but all there was was the piercing light of your alarm clock, reading 1:15 AM. Sighing, you covered your eyes with your arm and did some breathing exercises to calm down. It’s okay. Everything’s over, you’re fine.

Finding the familiar worn plastic in between your mattress and the bed frame, you pulled out your phone and dialed your best friend Minhyuk.

“Oh, please be awake, please be awake.” you muttered as the other end rang. At the last second, he picked up and relief washed over you.

“Hey (Y/N), what’s up?” Minhyuk’s low and scratchy voice came over a bit too loud. It was obvious that he was tired, but he often stayed up late to choreograph songs for his group. You could faintly hear music in the background, further confirming what you knew.

“Are you at the building?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Is it alright if I come over for bit? Or would I be destroying your creative process?” You tossed in a teasing tone. He often told you that he liked being alone so he wouldn’t get distracted, but you knew that having someone there to listen to his ideas and give him feedback helped him a lot. He recognized this too, but most of the time was too stubborn to admit it, so you two threw around the “creative process” joke whenever times like this came around.

“My creative process is and always will be intact,” he retorted, feigning offense. “It doesn’t care if you’re here or not.”

Laughing, you rolled out of bed and started changing into your go-to leggings and hoodie. “I take that as a yes.”

“No, I wouldn’t want my BFF’s company at 1 in the morning! Of course you can come over. I’ll unlock the side door for you.”

“Cool. Thanks, man.”

“No problem. See you in a bit.”

“Yep!” With that, you hung up and slipped on some sneakers. Grabbing your keys and a hair tie, you left your apartment and walked to Fantagio.

About 15 minutes later, you pulled open the side door and walked down the dark hallway. The light from the practice room and the faint playing of Call Out guided your steps to Minhyuk.

“Hey, close the door! You’re letting all the cold air in,” Minhyuk called from the middle of the room. You were standing in the doorway, watching his fluid movements and the little quirky ones as he tried to figure out what should be next.

“It’s burning up in here! You need some cold air,” you fully entered and set your keys down on the table next to his phone.

“It’s perfect in here, thank you very much. Besides, you’re wearing a hoodie!”

“Because it’s cold outside! It’s winter, Minhyuk!” you shook your head. “Where were we going with this?”

“Honestly, I have no idea.”

“I don’t know either.” Plopping on the couch, you started scrolling on your phone. Soon, a sweaty and kinda smelly Minhyuk joined you.

“To what do I owe this visit?” he asked, not-so-sneakily looking over your shoulder at your screen.

“I had a bad dream again.”

“Again? Why was I not aware of these?”

You shrugged, trying to push the recollections to the back of your mind. “They don’t happen too often, and they don’t include you, so you didn’t need to know.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw possibly the biggest eye roll known to mankind. “If you’re having nightmares that keep you up past 2 in the morning, I should definitely know about them.”

“Look, I usually wake up from them around 4, so you’re lucky this is early for me.”

“Still isn’t a good reason,” he sing-songed.

“Ugh, shut up Minhyuk.” you slapped him on the arm and switched to Twitter to continue scrolling.

“What are they about?”

You raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“The nightmares. If you want to talk about them, then they might go away.”

“Honestly? I’d rather go back to middle school.” you tried to be as nonchalant as you could, but there was a tremor in your voice anyway.

“They’re that bad? Wow, they must have you really shaken up.” Concern made his eyebrows furrow and a small frown appear. The only other time you refused to talk to him about something was when you were having problems with family and choosing between the company and university. You had explained to him after it passed that you had felt like you needed to listen to yourself and not have anyone else’s opinion influencing you. He figured it was something similar this time, too. “Just know you’re not alone in this, okay?”

You dabbed at your eyes. “Okay.”

“Hey, do you still remember that routine we did before you left?” Minhyuk hopped up and held out his hands.

“Hyuk, that was like three years ago! How could I remember?”

“I could re-teach you!”

Finally, a grin broke out on your face. “Okay, let’s do it. See if I still got my moves.”

“They’ll come back, I don’t doubt it for a minute.”

You took his hands, got hoisted up, and followed Minhyuk to the middle of the room, ready to dance like you used to.

~~~

“Yeah!” you yelled, jumping up and down. “We did it!”

You two just did the whole routine all the way through without any mistakes. It took you a bit and a lot of reminders, but eventually muscle memory kicked in and suddenly you were dancing pretty much like before you left. Minhyuk loved the moment when you realized you were matching him with minimal effort. Your eyes lit up and you grinned really big, suddenly gaining more energy and charisma. He loved this side of you.

“Yeah! I’m so proud of you!” he mirrored your excitement, hugging you and spinning you around. “It’s just like old times!”

“Old times.” you hugged him tighter, “I miss the old times.”

“Me too.” he sighed, enjoying this little moment.

You pulled away and put your hands on his shoulders. “We have to film this.”

“We do?”

“Yeah! So we can compare it to that video the staff took when we first mastered this!”

“Okay. Ddoca should be around here somewhere.” Minhyuk began to look around.

“We could just do it on our phones. Is there a tripod anywhere?” You opened a closet and found one.

“My phone doesn’t have enough space. Ddoca probably has better filming quality, anyway.” Minhyuk pulled a little white camera out from behind the soundboard with a triumphant “Aha!”.

“Okay.” you shrugged. “Having the company label on it would probably be safer, anyway.”

Minhyuk laughed as he set the tripod up and screwed on Ddoca. “You know all of that is added after we film everything, right?”

“Yeah, I know! I’m just saying that I don’t mind if the company releases it if they want to.”

“Alright, we’re set.” Minhyuk looked up at you. “Wanna do an introduction?”

“I guess that’s probably the best way to do things, huh?” you came and crouched next to Minhyuk. “It’s gonna be weird, though.”

“You’ll get used to it.” Minhyuk chuckled. “Ready?”

With a nod, he reached over and pressed record.

“What’s up! It’s Rocky,” Minhyuk started, using his stage name out of force of habit. “Today is kind of a special edition of Y.Y.Y. I have a guest today!” He grinned as he put both arms out and gestured to you like that Will Smith meme. You shyly smiled and waved.

“I’m (Y/N). I used to be a trainee here at Fantagio.”

“We auditioned and got accepted around the same time, so we kinda became best friends.” Minhyuk put an arm around your shoulders, throwing you off balance and causing you to fall on your butt. You two dissolved into giggles, mostly due to it being 3:30 in the morning.

“Dear god, we’re tired.” you said, wiping a tear from your eye. “It’s so early.”

“Stay awake!” Minhyuk shook your shoulders. “We gotta get this done.” he went into another giggle fit.

“Anyway, we’re best friends here to recreate a routine we learned before I left and he debuted.” You smacked him, signalling him to calm down and focus. “We spent an hour and a half relearning it, so hopefully it’s pretty similar to the original.”

“It’s probably way better now. We’ve both matured and changed our styles, so it’ll look way different. Are you ready?” Minhyuk looked at you.

“As I’ll ever be. Let’s go!” With that, you went to your spot, Minhyuk started the music, and you two performed.

It felt like a huge audience was watching when it was only a camera. Nerves turned into focus. Focus on your moves, on your expressions, on the flow with Minhyuk. It felt like the old times, and that was the best feeling you had in a while. And just like old times, the routine was over way too quickly. You both froze in the ending pose, breathing heavily and grinning from ear to ear.

Minhyuk picked you up and spun you around again, making you squeal in surprise. “Minhyuk, I swear to god-”

“That was even better than the last time! We should have filmed the whole process.” Minhyuk continued to hold you as he walked toward Ddoca.

“No! I would have made a fool out of myself!” you lightly smacked his head. He put you down and squatted for Ddoca again.

“You did fine, (Y/N)! I swear, this girl is too hard on herself.” He said to the camera.

“Do you want me to actually whack you? ‘Cause I can do that.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop! Let me live.”

“We’ll see.”

“Uh, yeah. Anyway! We need to go, so this is Rocky and (Y/N) signing off.”

“Hopefully we’ll get to do more stuff in the future! Bye Ddoca,” you waved once again as Minhyuk said bye and stopped recording.

You flopped on the ground. “My legs are burning. Is that normal?”

“You haven’t danced seriously in years. I think it’s normal.” Minhyuk chuckled.

“Getting sleepy…” you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore. You were warm from dancing and exhausted.

“Ah, let’s get you home before you do that. Come on, get up.” Minhyuk grabbed your hands and pulled you up.

Minhyuk walked you home after locking up. You yawned pretty much the whole way home, infecting him with them too.

“Do you want to stay the night?” you asked before you entered the apartment building. “You’re just as tired as I am.”

“I would, but Jinwoo-hyung and Dongmin-hyung are gonna have my head if I don’t go back to the dorm soon.” Minhyuk rubbed his neck.

You frowned, but hugged him anyway. “Be safe going back, okay?”

“I will.” He said, squeezing you once for good measure. He watched you run up the stairs and open the door to the complex.

“(Y/N)!” Minhyuk called just before the door closed.

You stuck your head out of the door. “What?”

“When you have another nightmare, I’ll always be there to dance with you.”

#513 days #513 days i let this sit #wow good job rhin #anyway #i originally planned this to be a follow-up to at first from a distance #if anyone remembers that dumpster fire #but now here this is!#hope you're still around to like it #park minhyuk scenario #rocky scenario #requested

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swedeandsour · 4 years ago

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Ea Kaya on having a voice in the digital generation; the beauty of flaws and the importance of slowing down

Though she can certainly count her successes, making music is more than a numbers game according to Christine Kiberg, the Danish pop star better known as Ea Kaya. From her humble beginnings as YouTube cover artist to millions of streams on her Spotify page, Christine's story is one of resilience in an everchanging musical landscape. With her last record taking the heavy words "Fragile but Strong as Hell" in her title, Christine's sincerity serves as a rallying call to the downtrodden. Her music speaking a lyrical honesty rarely spoken, Ea Kaya believes that showing vulnerability isn't weakness, but rather something that demonstrates courage. But despite her successes, Ea Kaya's decided that maybe it's time for a break, to allow for her relationship with music to become intuitive again. Christine knows that she isn't perfect and neither is Ea Kaya, and that sometimes expectations whether business or personal can leave one becoming cynical and self-critical. Catching up online over Instagram memes and emails, Ea Kaya's Christine Kiberg gives us the low-down in an honest interview where she tells us about past successes and the importance of having a voice in an increasingly interconnected and rapidly-changing world. Keeping busy with her studies and reacquainting with nature to kick the Coronavirus blues, Ea Kaya caught up with us to remind ourselves the importance of slowing down and about seeing the beauty through the flaws.

Words: Peter Quincy Ng

Before Ea Kaya began, you were Christine Kiberg playing guitar covers on YouTube. Although you didn't play your own songs back then, you obviously still had to put your personal brand into it. Was there a selection process in the songs you played and what you thought might resonate with fans and yourself? How has the feedback you received as a cover artist shaped the way you are today as a musician?

Selecting the songs to post was quite simple: it had to be a popular, brand new song to catch the most possible viewers or just a song that I had loved. Because of my channel online, I frequently went to sites like Billboard to keep up with International music just as much as I kept up with the music scene here in Denmark. I’ve been told countless times that my music doesn’t sound like it’s written by a Dane, and this is very likely because I’ve grown up listening to enormous streams of international pop songs.

youtube

By the way, congratulations on your Red Bull acoustic session of "4 AM" rolling over one million streams on Spotify! Live sessions as we both know, were largely exclusive to YouTube in the past, how have digital streaming platforms changed your outlook as an artist in this new digital era of music consumption.

Thank you! The age of streaming is interesting. On one hand, I think it’s extremely exciting how everyone can release music at any given time. I also love how streaming can function like radio, in that it recommends you new music you haven’t heard before and that probably wouldn’t find on your own. The streaming world does have a cynicism to it though, in a degree the music industry hasn’t seen before. The supply of music is enormous, and the listener patience is decreasing. If it wasn’t for the revival of the vinyl, nobody would be buying albums anymore, and you can’t claim that there are big dollars in streaming. We could discuss the many pros and cons of streaming for hours, but overall, I’ll say it saved the booty of the music industry from piracy.

youtube

Ea Kaya · 4 AM

Anyway, with regards to your latest single, I love the flipping of the age-old adage, “sticks and stones can break my bones but words cannot hurt me” on "Skin and Bones". As a person of the internet generation how important is it to realize that our online actions matter and the importance of mental health?

Social media can be fun and we get a unique opportunity to connect with people from all over the world. The internet is gigantic and it can seem so insignificant to write something to a person you don’t know, who might even be sitting on the other side of the planet. The message still does reach the receiver though, and if you’ve written something that you wouldn’t tell a person face-to-face, of course your message can still hurt when it’s send in cyberspace. It’s hard not to compare yourself to what you see on social media, and many people already deal with low self-esteem. Nobody is immune to hatred, and only a fool will think their comments and messages are harmless.

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You directed your video Skin and Bones at home during quarantine, but for you, nature was always integral to your well-being. Tell us about growing up by the water and the woods, in Denmark and the importance of going outside.

Everything is moving fast these days, and growing up I was taught how important it is to pull the plug sometimes and go for a walk. The forest and the ocean therefore equal peace to me. Besides finding calm, I find a lot of inspiration and happiness in nature. The sounds, the smells, the beauty - it’s so genuine and fresh. I like the liveliness of the city, but living far from nature makes me feel claustrophobic.

The messages in your lyrics are always simple, direct and easy-to-understand. Is it difficult putting sometimes very abstract topics into words?

Many years ago, I wrote songs that were full of metaphors and poetic descriptions; maybe to protect myself, maybe to sound artsy (laughs). I later found that it was a lot more giving to write songs that made people feel heard, understood and moved, even if it meant that I had to spill all my darkest secrets and deepest insecurities. As a songwriter, I think you have to be willing to take chances and give away a little bit of yourself if you wish to get something back.

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Ea Kaya · Cruel To Be Kind

One of the things I've noticed in your video especially "Remedy" and "Cruel to Be Kind" is the topic of male vulnerability and gender fluidity. Why is it important to have these images?

I feel extremely lucky to be a part of my generation, because we are more free than ever to love who we love, be who we want to be, express how we feel and believe in what we believe in. Stereotypes and gender norms can be toxic, and even harmful. Telling somebody what they should do or who they should be won’t change the truth and nothing good comes with it. For so long, standing out has been a negative thing, but we’re becoming more and more accepting of each other’s differences. Individuality is becoming a positive thing and it’s just fantastic.

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Ea Kaya · Remedy

The title of your latest EP is "Fragile but Strong as Hell". The archetype of the female artist is either one of female tenderness or the strong, independent, no nonsense woman. Why is it important to have that middle ground like you mention in the title of your last record?

Personally, I think showing weakness is a strength in itself. It’s easy to put up an armor and only show your bright sides, but it takes courage to let people see when you feel vulnerable. You can be fragile and strong as hell at the exact same time, and I think it’s healthy to have both sides.

Growing up in a musical family, music would seem like an obvious career choice. But you're also a student in computer science, tell us how that's been and why you've decided to do it on the back of a successful music career.

I see why you think it’s an obvious choice. The funny thing is that all of the musicians in my family are classical musicians, opera singers, to be exact. It’s two extremely different worlds. It’s definitely a matter of perspective though (laughs)! Besides doing music, I recently started studying Communication and IT. To be completely honest with you, I’ve felt trapped in a bubble for a very long time. In this business, everyone knows everyone, and most people talk about the same thing, or about themselves or other people that you both know. Last year I decided I needed to learn something new and challenge myself. So far it’s working out fine to do both!

I heard you took your name Ea Kaya from "Ea" and "Kaya", both hypothetical names you'd give your daughters if your music career never took off. Seeing that all didn't crash and burn, what advice would you give to other young, female artists wanting to do things the Ea Kaya route?

The Ea Kaya route is definitely the long, complicated route. If you start from scratch without a network like I did, my advice for you is this:

1) Practice! Then practice a bit more!

2) Look for music offers and connections in your local area. There may be camps and classes that could be relevant. Write on music sites and social media that you are looking for collaborators.

3) If step #2 didn’t lead you to amazing partners that miraculously want to help you make demos for free, then welcome to this step; get yourself a job and save up money to record those incredible demos of yours!

4) Send your music to anyone you could imagine yourself working with. Be persistent and if needed, pushy. Forget about modesty - if you’re on step 4, you’ve already worked your ass off to get here.

5) Last one: Remember why you do music. Yes, I’m bringing the cheese and the grease, but nevertheless you’re entering a strange, cool place with many ups and downs, so your motivation is actually a very significant thing to keep in mind.

You’re a very charismatic young woman and I don't think I can ever question your success. But one question remains, how exactly how many popsicles did you go through in your video for "Tied Up"? That's a lot of popsicles from what I see!

(Laughs) That’s a quality question. I felt so bad about all those popsicles going to waste. The cashier must’ve given my director some type of look when he went and purchased that batch!

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Ea Kaya · Tied Up

#ea kaya #christine kiberg #danish music

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coffee-for-himchan · 7 years ago

Text

Not The Cute One (Jongup x reader)

Requested by: a nice anon

Word count: 3.3 k+

Genre/warnings: fluff ❤

Summary: A scenario based on the quote “Tell me who your friends are, and introduce me to the cute one.”

Jongup saw you sitting across the room, smiling brightly and laughing together with someone who obviously wasn’t him. You both looked like you were having the time of your lives, chuckling at every sentence and sitting a little bit too close to each other for Jongup’s liking. He never thought you’d be the one to flutter your eyelashes at a guy, or the one to teasingly push his arm every time he said something that was probably less exciting and interesting than you made it seem, but there you were. Sitting across the whole room, doing your best to make Jongup’s blood boil and eyelid twitch.

“Tell me who your friends are, and introduce me to the cute one,” you’d told him earlier today, and even after countless times of thinking how to prevent this situation from hapenning, Jongup had no other choice than to introduce you to the rest of the guys of B.A.P.

Everything was fine, or so it seemed at first, as you got along with everyone more than just well. Hyung line was a little too mature for you, even though Himchan was in fact more of a child at heart than you were. Middle line that consisted of Jae and Dae was a little too screamy for your liking, making you blush in embarrassment and cover your ears for protection every time you conversed with them.

Only maknae line left.

But why on earth did “the cute one” have to be Junhong?

Jongup had to remind himself that all of this was his own fault. Not the introduction - that had to be done sooner or later anyways for various reasons. The fact your conversation with Junhong was heading in the flirty direction, yeah, that was his fault.

The hesitation when it came to telling you how he felt was his biggest enemy. Yeah, that’s exactly what had brought him to this situation, and he couldn’t help but hate himself a little because of how slow he was with this whole “tell your best friend you love her before another dude snatches her away from you” thing. Yongguk was supposed to be the “slowest man in Korea”, and not him, so he sat there, wondering if his hyung’s habits were slowly rubbing off on him.

What could you possibly search for in Junhong when you had him by your side? As various thoughts started crossing his mind, he found there to be many things, and they all started slowly nagging at his heart, making him clench his fists until his knuckles went white.

Junhong was close to being the complete opposite of Jongup, so there were many things you could be looking for in a guy that Jongup simply didn’t have, but Junhong possessed.

First of, he was tall as hell, and Jongup figured girls probably liked tall guys more than shorter ones. Close to 20 centimeters parted Junhong and Jongup, and they weren’t in Jongup’s favor. To be completely honest, he was aware it was less than 20 centimeters, but sometimes he just had a habit of worrying too much and hyperbolizing a lot.

Second of, cuteness. He was more than certain girls probably liked that too, and it didn’t help that Jongup, if he wasn’t being a dancing machine on stage, was a real life alien from his own little universe who regularly robbed the kitchen of cereal and hot chocolate just to hide up in his room later on and watch anime, chuckling to himself quietly and throwing out random commentary that weirded out anyone who walked in on him. In theory that probably could be considered “cute”, but Junhong had much more to offer than that, Jongup was convinced. Junhong’s face itself was cuteness overload, and the way he laughed out loud, made faces and acted like a living meme, it all, once again, added to his aesthetic more that Jongup’s habits added to his own.

Third of.. Did he even want to continue? There were many more things. Junhong was more easy going, as well as more on the loud side if he really felt comfortable around somebody. Jongup was just the living proof and definition of “lost in his own thoughts”, and he wasn’t sure if he possessed any of Junhong’s good qualities at all.

Long story short, he’d introduced you to the cute one, just like you requested him to do. But he wouldn’t let the cute one get away with you, not until you knew how he felt about you.

Not until you knew how much he loved you.

He was bad at expressing himself when it came to things such as these, and he didn’t think you thought of it as serious when he awkwardly told you you were beautiful, or when he shyly said you understood him like no other and that he treasured you. All of those nights you spent together - the times you both fell asleep while watching a movie just to wake up the next morning on the couch, your limbs tangled together and your faces a little too close, and the times it seemed like he was about to lean in, closing the unnecessary gap in between both of you with a soft kiss. It all was a sign of how he wanted to be yours, but didn’t have enough courage to make it happen.

After all, you’d been friends for so, so long already, and in case you didn’t feel the same way, things would change. Most definitely not for the better.

He wanted to go over and simply tell Junhong to get away. He wasn’t angry or anything, but he simply couldn’t stand the sight. Neither you or Junhong were in a relationship, and Jongup, in his current hopeless despair, thought that was the only fact that needed to be true in order turn on the green light for the two of you. It didn’t quite come to mind that you two had met just a little earlier today and knew less to nothing about each other, and the fact that Junhong had said himself he wasn’t looking for a relationship currently was completely forgotten and abandoned as well. All of those thoughts and facts got drowned out by the realization that if Jongup wouldn’t act sometime soon, someone else could get a hold of you. If not Junhong, the there were still a thousand other possibilities, a thousand different guys who could end up in your arms and be called yours instead of him. They all had a chance, a chance Jongup might not have simply because he was your best friend and seemingly nothing more or less, but he was determined to find out.

“Junhong, I need an opinion over here. Could you join me for a bit?” Bang’s low voice rang through the room, and Junhong’s head snapped to the direction of the sound within seconds.

“Right on time. Thanks, hyung,” Jongup thought as he watched Junhong smiling at you one final time and excusing himself, walking out of this room and into another one to discuss a few things with Bang right after.

Your eyes soon met with Jongup’s, and you smiled an innocent smile at him, not quite aware of all of these feelings you had stirred up inside of him with your actions. You saw him getting up from his spot and walking over to you, so you moved, freeing some space for him to sit next to you. But, as he approached, he never sat down. Instead he told you to go outside with him, just to walk for a bit and to talk.

You sighed, not quite aware of what would follow, but willing to find out. He stretched out his hand, taking your palm in his and pulling you along to the entrance door. As it closed behind you two, and only your footsteps could be heard in the hallway, Junhong peeked out of the doorway to inspect the room.

“Ya think this got him jealous enough?” He quietly asked Youngjae who was the mastermind behind this plan, and also the one who was leaning against a table on the other side of the room and sipping on coke.

“Let’s hope it did,” he said, taking sip, “It’s quite painful to watch him struggling with expressing his feelings. It must be serious too, I’ve never seen him this.. This invested into something. Anything, really. Not even Shake Shack burgers. So it’s weird to see him struggle to get a girl’s attention because he doesn’t know how.”

“Say, did she know we were pulling a plan through though?” Junhong was a little confused and slightly nervous nervous as always, “She did look quite determined to flirt with me-”

“Keep dreaming,” Himchan called from behind his laptop, making Daehyun who was sitting next to him chuckle quietly, “I saw the way she looked at him, and it’s not hard to tell the feelings are mutual. I bet it was just a lucky coincidence that our mastermind right there and (Y/N) came up with similar plans and even decided to put them to the test at the same time.”

As unbelievable as it sounds, Himchan was right. You’d figured that trying to make him jealous, that is, if he would get jealous at all, was the only way to find out if he had feelings for you - the same type of feelings you felt towards him. So, just because you were too shy to make the first move, you decided to test out this strategy and see it he’d do anything about it. You had to know, as this feeling of constantly being in the dark kept tearing you apart. He was always there, close, but not close enough for your liking. You could always talk to him, but you could never truly tell him how much you loved him and how he made your life a brighter and better place. You could do many things to and with him, but it was never enough. You wanted to get everything he could offer, and you wanted his full attention and affection, not only in the way friends acted towards each other, but in the way lovers did.

He pulled you out into the streets, and started heading in a random direction, not caring to explain anything or even wait for you. Shrugging the unusual change of settings off because you were there together with no other than Jongup, you calmly followed, catching up with him soon enough and breathing out heavily, your breath making twirls in the chill night air as it rose up into the sky and faded away after seconds.

It was relatively quiet for a while, but you enjoyed it. Your heart raced as you hoped he would tell you anything at all - question you or straight up confront, but he was having none of that. He quietly walked beside you, letting the street lights highlight his amazing bone structure and the cute birthmark on his nose. He didn’t say a word, and neither did you.

You’d almost managed to get back to the studio when he finally spoke up.

“How’d talking with “the cute one” go?“

Your heart clenched, as you thought of what to say next.

“Pretty good, I guess. He in fact is quite cute..”

“If he’s the cute one, who am I?”

“You? You’re Yup, of course. My best friend-”

“And is that it?” He suddenly turned around sharply, his face hovering slightly above yours as he looked into your eyes.

You cursed to yourself for not always being able to fully read his emotions and predict his movements, as you had no clue how he felt or what he thought of at that point. His tone was blank, and didn’t indicate anything at all, so you were left to wonder and decide how to answer without having any guidelines.

“I mean, what else do you want to be? Best-best friend, is that enough of a title for you?” You asked, and suddenly felt him making a fast and sharp movement again. You flinched a little when you felt his arms resting on your hips, and barely managed not to yelp when he lightly jerked you to come a little closer to him, almost making your body crash into his, but containing himself at the very last moment and preventing that from happening.

“Yup, what are you-”

“I like you. Like a man likes a woman and not just the way best friends like each other,” he said boldly, making all of your seemingly impossible fantasies for how this evening might unfold turn into reality.

“And because I like you, you have to like me back too, otherwise I won’t know what to do..” he trailed off, and you silently laughed at his childish tone. He’d just managed to look so demanding and even kind of manly (“kind of” only because you weren’t quite sure on how to define the term “manly”), but that facade of his crumbled completely in your eyes when he said the last phrase. Or wasn’t it a facade? Jongup didn’t have facades, you were sure of it. All of the sudden mood and personality changes and outbursts that came out of him were how he truly was, and none of that was drawn on fakery or tries to hide up the truth.

“And Junhong-ah can only be the cute one if I can be yours..”

His eyes were pleading for a response. He’d just made himself not only surprisingly straight-forward, but also vulnerable, and that lead him to not only feel slightly scared, but dumb as well. He’d just put himself fully out there, not really being aware if it was appropriate. Not knowing how it would affect your relationship. Not knowing if you’d accept him despite him not being the tall, cute, and funny one, being the short and awkwardly shy one who couldn’t put his thoughts into words instead.

“Please, have all of me and.. Don’t turn me down now.”

Your hands slowly traveled up his body, gently taking a hold of his head. His stare pleaded for you to feel the same way, and you couldn’t think straight because of it. Now you were the one feeling lost and unable to express your thoughts and feelings, and you hoped he could hold on for a few more seconds, up until you could put everything in words.

“You’re mine, Yup,” you quietly told him, not knowing what else to say, and at the same time not quite feeling the need to say anything else. It all was so sudden and you hadn’t anticipated it to happen right there and right then, yet it was exactly like you wanted it to be.

A longing stare, tight grip that refused to let go and a honest confession. Now all that was left was a kiss.

He spared you the troubles and efforts of going in for a kiss, as he did it himself seconds after getting your approval in the form of those three words. With no boundaries and rules there anymore, there was nothing for him to be afraid of or worried about, and nothing was holding him back from kissing you just like he’d wanted to for so, so long already at this point.

You smiled into it as Jongup’s kissing style soon changed from soft and sweet to rather hungry and demanding, and you wrapped your arms tightly around his neck while his traveled all the way around you, one arm holding you tightly by the waist as the other one rested on your back.

This was the complete opposite of what you had imagined. You thought he tasted sweet, and couldn’t even be pulled into a kiss at times because of how awkwardly shy he was. But now, as he was hovering over you, diving in and out and leaving deep, passionate kisses all over your mouth, you understood how wrong you’d been all along. Yes, he maybe was like that at times, but not right now. Now his priority was to tame his incredible desire to have all of you, and that could only be done by kissing you roughly and in a quite demanding fashion, putting out all of his desire for you to see and, most of all, feel.

“What’s so cute about Junhong-ah though?” He questioned after he’d broken the kiss, sending you off laughing within less than a second, “What does he have that I don’t?”

“There’s many things,” you told him, speaking against his lips as he hadn’t pulled away or let you do it instead yet, “But none of those things are in his favor when it comes to what type of guys I’m into…”

“And what’s your type then?” he asked, at this point already teasing you because he knew more than well now.

“It’s a special limited edition type called “Moon Jongup”. There’s only one exemplar in the whole wide world, and, correct me if I’m wrong, I think just managed to get him to be mine..”

“How’s it going, lovey-dovey’s?” a familiar voice suddenly disturbed your cheesy but kind of adorable confessions, and you and Jongup turned your heads, looking at the second floor windows of the studio building that was just a few meters further down the street.

Five familiar silhouettes leaning and peaking out of the window. You didn’t know what to do - to laugh or to curse at yourself - because they really looked like cartoon characters, spying on the two of you in the lamest way possible.

Just for a second Jongup looked like he was about to go find a decent sized rock and try to smash Youngjae’s face in with it, but then you suddenly saw how his facial expression got softer and felt his body relax against yours. He’d already been crowned a king this evening, so why let others bother him?

“Youngjae hyung, it was all fine until you showed up,” Jongup called all over the street, making someone (who you were certain was Daehyun) crack up a little.

You felt Jongup nuzzling his face into your hair, and it took you only a brief moment to adjust to this new, quite comfortable position, with your face buried somewhere in the crook of his neck as he held you tight and your eyes closed as you took in his scent and tickled his bare skin with your cold nose.

“(Y/N), I thought I was the cute one and Jongup hyung was just Jongup,” you heard Junhong call out, and by the sound of his voice he was more than simply happy. In fact, when you lazily opened your eyes to throw them a glance, they all seemed oh so happy about the sight of you and Jongup, it warmed your heart to see them showing their support like this.

“Junhong, you are cute,” you said, about to bury your head back into your newfound lover, “But Jongup-ah is not only cute, but mine as well..”

It took just a few more seconds for Yongguk and Himchan’s parent-mode to get activated, and they, upon eyeing each other down, pulled the other three away from the windows, finally having some mercy on the two of you and leaving you to share this personal moment alone together.

“I’m sorry all of my friends are weird,” Jongup chuckled, and you did too, “But they’re just looking out for us, because they care…”

It still took you a while to collect yourselves enough to go back into the building without having your hands all over each other, and even then the guys eyed both of you up and down with curious stares as you entered the room, smirking sheepishly and knowing they had a reason more to tease Jongup about in the future. But Jongup didn’t seem to mind, as he simply got a hold of your hand and pulled you along to sit down on the couch with him and Junhong and talk some more until Bang wrapped up some new lyrics and everyone, after reading through them and telling their opinions, was free to go home.

After all, Jongup had nothing to fear now when it came to you conversing with Junhong or any other guys, really. He was the cute one, but he wasn’t yours, unlike Jongup, so all would eventually be fine.

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thearistocratsblog · 5 years ago

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Academic Misgivings

I sometimes dwell on this stuff in my head so might as well inventory it here. During my college years in the Brown/RISD dual degree program, Brown work was generally on the backburner, but I did have a few ideas for essays which I thought might’ve been interesting if I had more time and space to execute them. I was never incentivized to try harder, because my teachers usually laughed at my ideas or directed me to focus more on sex/gender (never the most exciting topic to me, although it figures into my work in some capacity.) Off the top of my head, here are a few of my undergraduate academic ambitions/misgivings.

Sophomore Year:

1. American Modernism and Its Aftermaths: Essay on the relationship between “Squidward’s Suicide” haunted media creepypasta, Mike Kelley’s “Deoderized Central Mass With Satellites” /repressed memory syndrome/Derrida’s “Archive Fever.” Feedback: None.

2. Media, of Affect: Essay on the relationship between Bataille’s accursed share and loot box/blind box economics (with completely unnecessary detour on Greenbergian distinction between kitsch and fine art) Feedback: Was told to focus on gendered gross-out toys, so I added a whole section on how the the Trash Pack/ Grossery Gang toys never had menstrual blood on them. Would have been extremely helpful to research more about libidinal economies, video game monetization schemes, or Deleuze’s theories about the origin of money.

Junior Year:

3. Serial Fictions: Essay on Jim Woodring’s “Frank” comic/monomythic exploratory narratives/moral relativism of the cartooning medium/the relationship between cartoonist’s laboring-bodies and their corporeal, volumetric ‘illustrative’ sensibility/cartoonist vs painter personalities (& their respective working temporalities) /google maps as illustrative surface, as it relates to Kant’s mathematical sublime/fantastic sublimity as patchwork of realistic detail (It was titled “Moral Algebra & The Patchwork Sublime in Woodring’s “Frank”.)

Feedback: Told to make it more sex-related or something?

4. Digital Cinema and the Inhuman: Essay attempting a Deleuzian reading of Blue Sky Studio’s 2015 Peanuts movie. The neurotic/Freudian/ “talking cure”- style comic strip becomes properly Deleuzian when computer animation introduces a deterritorialized/anti-Oedipal set of concerns via textures, procedural simulation, moving cameras etc.

Feedback: Told to focus on only “Becoming Animal” chapter from Mil plat, fair enough. The teacher thought the essay was a bit of a meme. The “textural reading” in the middle section was a travesty. Read it here.

5. Refiguring Expression: The Feeling of Voice in Modern and Contemporary Poetry: Essay on Melanie Klein’s dolls as a site of projection/waiting-room aesthetics in Jasper Spicero’s installation, “Living Waterway.” All artists collect based on childhood motifs (therefore positing aesthetic taste in the model of traumatic recursion? or something?). Then I free-associate with the sculpture. Feedback: More on the sentence level, but helpful. Read it here.

Senior Year:

6. Deleuze and Cinema: Essay interpreting the contemporary horror movie, “It Follows” (with shapeshifting stalker-ghoul) through the lens of Bergson’s critique of duration (monster confusing qualitative and quantitative multiplicities). Also made the point of videogame-style POV being used to create psychological discomfort/lack of agency (a pt I have recently seen echoed in a Galloway book) and the question of how critique could be enacted at the ‘level of the character’ (the archive-as-monster?) and not the flimic scenario as a whole. Feedback: Can’t recall.

7. Getting Emotional: Passionate Threories: Essay attempting to develop a theory of “counter-diffential” irony that is purely spatial or experiential, using Marnie Mull’s affectively-imbued “Cigarette Hedgehog” sculpture as a key example. (Self-duping, self-sacrificing Romantic smoker ethics briefly discussed.) Going through DeMan’s “Rhetoric of Temporality” to figure out allegory of blindness... (and Duchamp’s anti-aeshetic sculptures-as-dick-jokes could be groped with your eyes closed, couldn’t they?) Also the “counter-differential” title is a reference to the normals used to calculate light info on surfaces of 3d models (normals= negative reciprocal of tangency, ) because I was also trying(& failing) to square theories of irony with calculus/rates of change. Also I compare Whitman’s poem about a blind man with his life story written on a sign around his neck to a Surgeon General’s warning LOL... Feedback: JK thought this was a mess, which is true.

8. The Contemporary Novel and Its Cultural Rivals: Essay on how Adult Swim’s Million Dollar Extreme used antihumor and excessive deus ex machinas to obscure conservative political intents- antihumor as inherently conservative aesthetic. Feedback:Gentle encouragement.

Supersenior Year:

9.Senior thesis proposal on “Theory of the quirk”: midway between characterology and aleatorics, by way of fan wikis. Also wanted to think about autistic memory-bank and subliminal memory vis a vis Derren Brown’s “Subliminal Messaging” video. Realized this was too unconventional a project for the structure Brown was providing, so I dropped out.

10. Sex. What is it, why does it matter? Essay on psychoanalytic/interpassive qualities in ASMR and “Satisfying” youtube videos. (What drive is being satisfied/denied relationship to sexuality etc.) Feedback: Helpful, according to JC didn’t do enough to acknowledge ‘the other in oneself’. Read it here.

10. Prose Sagas of the Medieval North: Essay applying Benjamin’s “Fate and Character” to Grettir’s Saga/Grettir as Homo Sacer (via Agamben). Low key the coolest move of my academic career was using the Draugr’s curse to critique Benjamin’s definition of law, rather than the other way around! (I.e. by creating a fork in fate to sap Grettir’s potential strength, the Draugr employs law as a preventative measure, a dimension of law which Benjamin never acknowledges. It makes sense, almost!) Feedback: None.

11. Is that a fact?: Wanted to write on discursive modes surrounding autism ( ironic oxymoron considering relationship between autism and nonverbal behavior). Feedback: My trolling was stopped in its tracks by the teacher; I wasn’t allowed to write this.

Academic work as a whole: I was most interested in sculpture/cartoons/toys/horrific allegories/archives/sexual difference/organization of the personality/ironic structures/art criticism rooted in the maker’s set of concerns. Too jokey at times but maybe I had potential. Le sigh.

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