#and i've been on call every day since february
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sga-owns-my-soul · 1 year ago
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i've discovered a new level of Burnt Out
i'm so exhuatsed
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lovelornlamb · 3 months ago
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trying to take my boss's advice and not text him unless he texts me. return the energy. this is just eating me alive
#my post#i don't know which is worse texting and being looked over or not texting and not hearing anything at all#i feel like i just read things wrong and he just wants space to figure himself out#but at the same time he said he'd text me gm every day while he's gone and send pictures and even post cards and all this stuff#ugh#i wish he wasn't so confusing and adverse to being straight with his intentions and thoughts and plans#and i wish i didn't so desperately feel that urge to know him and earn that reward of interpersonal intimacy like when we first met#i've always been so deeply curious about him and who he was what he liked how he thought and felt#i can't just turn that off like he did#i'm sitting absolutely gutted and trying not to cry when i was just trying to make lunch#because i forgot what the card that fell off the fridge was and read it#it was a valentine's day card from this year from him#saying how he loves me forever to the moon and back and signing it off as your husband#i feel like i was so close to having such a beautiful and secure life. your husband#since the first proposal we've been calling each other husbands because at least i thought nothing would ever come between us#did i just wait too long?#but he proposed again in february just months before doing this to us#i'm so exhausted. i miss him so so tenderly. everything just feels wrong#and now i'm not reaching out per dustin's advice because as he said men will talk when they have something they want to share#i want to share every second of every day and every breath of mine with him#and i just can't fathom that someone who said he was so devoted to me can just turn all that off and walk away. it makes me question a lot#and that just fucking tears me apart more than anything. i'm trying so hard to trust him ik it's just trauma#i just want a reassurance.#that's all i need.#but idk if i can even trust it with how he's acted so far#i just want reassurance.
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coffeeman777 · 5 months ago
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This is for all of my follwers/mutuals who are Christians:
I want to preface this by saying that what I'm about to share with you is only to ask you for prayer. I don't want favors, and I'm not looking for a handout. We need God to open a door for us, and so I beg you, please pray for us.
We moved to Florida coming on three years ago. We came here primarily because we believed God was leading us here. In various ways, we believed God confirmed His will for us, and so I left a great job and we sold a great house to move here. We have been opposed in every way imaginable since.
Days after moving down, Lisa and I were in a terrible car accident that we only walked away from by God's grace. We were rear-ended by an Edible Arrangements delivery truck on the highway, and Lisa sustained significant injuries that are still causing us major problems. The franchise owner was operating their delivery vehicle without insurance, and I've learned since that they shut down their Edible Arrangements franchise and took off, leaving us holding the bag.
I've been in armed security since I got out of the Marines, and in New Hampshire, that was enough to take care of myself and my family. But it isn't in Florida. The pay for most armed security gigs here is super low, and I haven't been able to find work comparable to what I had in New Hampshire. So I tried to change courses.
I earned my personal trainer certification through the National Academy of Sports Medicine, but couldn't make it as a trainer. I made the attempt to go back to college and get a degree and certification as a paramedic, but after months of jumping through hoops, that fell through. I went back to New Hampshire by myself and spent six months away from my family to try to earn enough money working both my old job and a second job, but that plan didn't work because hours were limited with both gigs, and each job wanted me to work overlapping hours; I couldn't make the schedules line up.
My incredibly generous parents-in-law offered to pay our bills so that I could come back to Florida and try a new plan. I went to a CDL training course to get into trucking. After the very long and very expensive process, I finally got my CDL-A. While I was working on that, a random disagreement between my health insurance company and the medical supplier that issued me my cpap (I have sleep apnea) resulted in the supplier demanding that I give them the machine back. It took from middle February to early June for me to get another cpap. The end result is that, as of today, I have just under two months of cpap usage data. I discovered only after getting my CDL that no trucking company will hire me with less than 90 days of cpap usage data.
I've been pre-hired and subsequently turned away from three different trucking companies since I got my CDL over the cpap nonsense (one of which told me that what I had for cpap usage was fine, only to tell me on the first day of orientation that it actually wasn't fine, and they had to let me go). It's going to be another month before I can get started with any trucking company, and I'm concerned that I'll have to go to refresher training, which will only increase the months of time I'll have to spend as a trainee with whatever company hires me, which means it will be a long time before I make enough money to survive.
My in-laws can't continue paying our bills, and although I've had a half dozen low paying jobs in this time just to be bringing in something, now I'm struggling to get anything. I've applied to more jobs than I can remember, and I can't get any traction. Not even Domino's will call me back. Our backs are up against a wall.
My first payment for the money I borrowed to pay for CDL school was due almost a month ago, and I haven't been able to pay it (I had to get financing because my GI Bill expired and the VA ignored my request for an extension). Rent is almost 2k a month. We can't afford groceries (we've been living off of food pantries).
I don't know what to do. I've been crying out to God for an open door, but so far nothing has happened. My in-laws are just about tapped out, and in my mind, the only thing worse than wrecking my own family financially is dragging them down with me.
Please pray for us. Please pray for God to give us an open door, or some understanding of what to do next. I know God didn't bring us here to let us die. God is good, and God keeps His promises. God is perfect, and righteous, and just in all His ways. God has promised that He will turn about all things for the good of them that love Him. I know God has not abandoned us, and that when the time is right, God will make a way.
I say again, I am not looking for favors or begging for money. I know all of us are really going through it right now. All I want from you is prayer. Please pray intensely for us.
Thanks, I love you all.
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megxplryxb · 10 months ago
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Romance is Dead, Isn't it?
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Pairings: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader
Notes: Sweet and fluffy, little bit of angst. Based around Valentine’s Day because I’ve had this is in my drafts for a minute.
The smell of cheap, overused aftershave and five dollar bouquets, currently lingered throughout the aisles of Family Video. Loved up couples filling the store, holding hands, whispering sweet nothings and pressing kisses to their lovers blushing cheek as they scanned the shelves of the romance section.
Love heart decorations hung from the ceiling, pink foil curtains draped over the entrance and Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time blared from the speakers while you completed sellotaping the balloons you’d only finished inflating ten minutes ago. You weren't exactly sure why Keith was making Valentine's Day such an extravaganza this year but you were absolutely hating every second of it.
February fourteenth had never been kind to you. Not when you were ten years old and the card you thought had been from your childhood crush was actually written by your Mom. Not when you were fifteen and you went to the movies with Jackson Taylor, who made up a rumour that he had gotten to second base with you and definitely not last year, when Derek Cooper had taken you out for dinner, only to be caught by his girlfriend that he had surprisingly forgotten to mention.
Yeah, Valentine's Day could suck it.
“If one more person asks if we have another copy of Sixteeen Candles, I swear, I won't be held responsible for my actions.” You warn, jumping down from the step ladder with a loud huff.
“Yikes, what’s gotten your panties in a bunch today babe?” Robin questions with a teasing smile on her face as she serves the next customer.
“My panties are not in a bunch thank you very much. I'm just saying, what kind of moron waits until Valentines Day to rent the most sought after romcom?" You ask, taking a gulp of water in an attempt to erase the taste of rubber from your mouth.
Fake laughter echoes from the other side of the store where some girl has been flirting with Steve for the past fifteen minutes. You'd noticed her outside before she walked in, glossing her lips and pushing her boobs up just enough to get the attention she was obviously desperate for. She's annoyingly pretty, with perfect hair and sun kissed skin and when she raises her well manicured hands to rest on his bicep, you can’t help but grit your teeth at them.
"Is he planning to do any work at all today?" You point, rolling your eyes as Robin looks over at her other best friend and then back to you with a frown. She can sense the irritation in your voice and she knows why, even if you would never admit it. The signs have been there for quite some time and she wonders how much longer you can keep up the charade of not having feelings for Steve Harrington.
"Hey Dingus! A little help over here?" Robin demands, directing him to the queue of customers waiting for assistance at the counter. Steve nods his head, apologising to the girl who makes sure to write her number on his arm before waving goodbye.
“Yeah, thanks for calling me over, I've been trying to get away from her for like, the last ten minutes.” Steve breathes a sigh of relief, gesturing for the next customer to approach.
“Yeah, you really looked like you were being held against your will there, Harrington.” You scoff bitterly, stacking up a pile of returned tapes.
“Seriously, did you guys not see me trying to signal for help when she started touching me? I mean come on, desperate much?" He jeers, shaking his head.
"She did seem disgustingly eager." Robin interjects, scrunching her nose.
"Since when has that ever stopped him?" You reply, motioning towards Steve, who seems a little bit offended by your words.
"Jesus, why does it look like Cupid came all over this place?" Eddie chuckles as he enters the store, getting his jacket caught in the foil curtain, almost ripping it off of the door.
“Hey, careful Munson, don’t mess up my masterpiece!” You warn, carrying the tapes into the back as he slowly untangles himself.
"Because dear Edward, it is the day of love and romance!” Robin squeals excitedly, clapping her hands.
“Can you tell she has a date with Vickie tonight?” You tease, her cheeks turning pink at the mention of her new girlfriend.
“Alright, way to go Buckley.” Eddie high-fives the girl who couldn’t contain her happiness.
“We’re just going to the movies but I’m so nervous! Like, what if I make a total doofus of myself around her? She might not be as accepting of my clumsiness as you guys. I could fall up the steps when we’re walking to our seats or choke on the popcorn or…”
“Robin relax, you’re gonna give yourself a heart attack.” Steve interrupts, hearing the conversation from the till. His eyes meet yours, both of you sharing a disapproving look at your friend’s lack of confidence in herself. It was something you often discussed between yourselves, trying to figure out ways to help her see just how great she really was. Robin had always been good at hyping other people up, telling them how awesome or pretty they were but it was a completely different story when it came to herself.
“Steve’s right, you need to chill out. Vickie’s already heard you doing god awful karaoke, not to mention witnessing you hurl all over the bathroom floor at the Hideout and she’s still drooling over you. The girl is putty in your pretty little hands.” You jokingly reassure with a smile and it seems your light hearted words put her somewhat at ease as she takes a relieved breath.
“Hey, do you guys have a copy of that new movie with Molly Ringwald? Sixteen something?” Eddie shouts from the romance section of the store earning a scowl from you.
“Shit out of luck Munson, we’re totally sold out.” Steve replies, the curly haired metal head letting out a dramatic groan as he walked back to the counter, causing some of the other customers to flinch.
“Didn’t take you for a romcom kinda guy Eds.” You mock as he gives you a toothy grin. “Sweetheart, if it helps me get laid by the end of the night, I’ll watch anything.”
“Ew, gross Eddie, I really don’t need visions of you and Chrissy getting it on.” Robin shivers in disgust.
Although you share the same sentiment as your best friend, you can't help but think how nice it is that Eddie finally found someone that truly loves him for who he is. You couldn't remember ever seeing him so happy and a little part of you was jealous that you didn't have that with someone too.
"Harrington, did you get a tat dude?" Eddie quizzes, pointing to the digits on Steve's arm. You're taken out of your thoughts upon hearing the question directed at your coworker. Steve's eyes fall to you for a brief moment but you busy yourself with some paperwork, trying your best to pretend you're not paying attention to them.
"Oh, um no man, just a customer earlier, gave me her number." Steve brushes off with a shrug.
"Sweet, you gonna call her?" The hellfire leader interrupts and you hate yourself for wanting to know the answer too.
"God no, she was way too forward." Steve says, shaking his head, hoping that would be the end of the conversation as you relax again.
"What's wrong with forward? Come on man, it's Valentine's Day, call her, ask her out." Eddie encourages, wondering why Robin was shooting him a killer look as Steve shifts uncomfortably.
"Actually, I kind of already have a date tonight." He states, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. The relief you felt moments ago, quickly vanishing, being replaced with a gut wrenching feeling in the pit of your stomach. Steve had someone and it wasn't you. It would never be you.
“You do? Since when, why wasn’t I informed about this?” Robin quizzes suspiciously.
“I don’t have to tell you everything, Robin.” He huffs, rolling his eyes.
“Do we know her?” Eddie smirks and you wish you were anywhere else right now.
“Maybe you do, maybe you don’t.” He answers coyly before serving the next customer.
“So what about you sweetheart, who’s the lucky guy that’s taking you out tonight?” The metal head grins, raising his brows suggestively.
You see Steve and Robin turning their heads, attention on you as Eddie waits for your response. For a moment you consider lying, trying to think of a name and a place just to save face on being the only one without a date for tonight and maybe a little part of you wanted to see what Steve’s reaction would be too. But Robin already knew you had no plans, she had probably already told Steve the same.
“There isn’t one.” You answer, looking down at the ground, wanting it to swallow you whole.
“Bullshit, every time I’m in here there’s a guy asking you out.” Eddie spits, frowning at your response.
He’s right, guys do ask you out. It’s not like you were some sort of prude who never had a sex or never went on dates but lately, you just hadn’t been feeling it. Not when your heart belonged to someone who didn’t even know they had it and until you could get over Steve Harrington, it wouldn’t be fair to start something with someone else.
“Yeah, just not the one I actually want.” You reply, refusing to look Steve’s way as you walk to the back.
You figure now is a good time to take you break, needing a moment away from your friends to regain your composure. The restroom door locking behind you as you drop to the floor, tucking your knees into your chest. How had you gotten here? How had you been so stupid to fall for your friend? How had you allowed this to happen?
You secretly wondered who Steve’s date could be, knowing there was a number of viable contenders. Was it the brunette from last week who asked him to explain how The Lost Boys wasn’t a Peter Pan spin off or the blonde that always laughed at his jokes even when they weren’t even funny. Or maybe it was the raven haired girl who openly discussed her recent porno rentals with him every week.
One thing you knew for sure, it certainly wasn’t you.
The sound of footsteps brings you back to your shitty reality and the sudden knock on the bathroom door has you standing on your feet again.
“Hey, it’s just me. Are you ok?” You hear Robin ask from the other side. You straighten yourself up, wiping your clothes down before unlocking the door to face your friend.
“Yeah of course, why wouldn’t I be?” You question, doing your best to give her a reassuring smile but she sees right through you.
“I honestly didn’t know dingus had a date, I would have told you if I did.” She mutters nervously as you shake your head.
“Why? It’s not like I care what he does.” You state as Robin gives you an unconvinced glance.
“Babe, it’s me you’re talking to right now, no one else. You forget I used to be the master at hiding my feelings, so I know all the signs. You’re totally crazy about him aren’t you?” She quizzes, as you shrug your shoulders. There was no point in hiding it from her anymore, she could read you like a book.
“I’ll get over it.”
“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?” She suggests as you let out a bitter laugh. “Did you not just hear what he said out there? He has a date, Robin.”
“Yeah but maybe if—”
“No. I’m not telling him alright? So please, just drop it.” You beg, letting out a deflated sigh.
Robin decides not to push you any further, realising you didn’t want to talk about it right now but you know this won’t be the end of it and eventually you’d have to answer the many questions you were sure she was going to have, taking a mental note to purchase alcohol before you talked about your feelings for Steve with her. But for now, you were grateful that she was leaving well enough alone so you could get back to work and pretend that everything was fine.
The remaining hours went by painfully slow, the romance section almost bare and you were counting down the minutes before you could go home to your bed and shut out the world while you waited for this shitty day to be over. Once the store got a little quieter, Steve offered to man the counter while you did Robin’s make up in the back, helping her get ready for the long awaited date before her girlfriend picked her up.
By 7:45, you were left with Steve and Keith who had been in his office doing paper work since he ordered you to decorate the store earlier. Steve had noticed you were quieter than usual, trying his best to joke and make light conversation but all he was met with was one worded answers.
“It was really cool of you to do Robin’s make up, y’know?” You hear Steve mumble as you restock the confectionery stand.
“That’s what best friends are for, right?”
“Yeah of course but you saw how nervous she was all day and I think you helping her out by making her look all pretty and stuff, just gave her the confidence boost she needed for tonight. I just thought it was really sweet of you.” He compliments, a warm look on his face that has your frosty demeanour melting.
“Alright, I’m done for the day. You two ok to lock up?” Keith asks, dousing himself in cheap cologne as Steve shoots his boss a glare knowing it was his night to close.
“No, not really. I have a date.” Steve argues as Keith grunts unsympatheticly. “You’re not the only one lover boy.”
“Online chat rooms don’t count, Keith.” Steve fires back as you try not to laugh at the expression on your boss’s face.
“You want to be out of a job, Harrington?” Keith threatens, looking less than impressed.
“No, but I really need to—”
“That settles it then, you two will lock up. Happy Valentines Day.” He smirks, throwing Steve a set of keys before exiting the store.
“What an asshole!” Steve groans, throwing the keys on the counter, putting an irritated hand through his signature hair while his plans hang in the balance.
“Now I get why he wanted me to decorate so badly.” You mutter, thinking back to how you spent the first couple of hours of your shift, blowing up balloons and getting sticky tape stuck in your hair. Keith was loved up like the rest of your friends. Cupid had gotten another one.
“Do you actually believe he has a date?” Steve asks, frustration still apparent in his voice as you nod your head, groaning.
“As much as it pains me to say yes, given that I myself don’t actually have a date, when have you ever seen him put on cologne?” You question as Steve lets out a heavy sigh.
“Good point. I hope she stands the son of a bitch up though.” He grins playfully and you can’t help but smile back at him. He was so breathtakingly beautiful and you kind of hated him for it.
“Hey, look at that, I finally got a smile out of you.” He teases, poking at your cheek as you lightly push his hand away.
“Steve, quit it.” You giggle as he shakes his head.
“Not a chance, you’re just so pretty when you smile.” He admits, cupping your face momentarily, locking his eyes with your own and your breath hitches as his warm hand rests on your face, his thumb carefully caressing your cheek and you hope to god you’re not blushing right now. Your eyes wander to his lips, pink and plump and a little chapped from the cold weather Hawkins was currently experiencing and you couldn’t help but wonder what lucky girl would get to kiss them later on.
For a moment as Steve gazed at you, you considered telling him everything. How you’ve been crazy about him since you worked at Scoops Ahoy together, falling hard for him when you saw how kind he was to the kids he watched over, knowing he wasn’t the same selfish guy you’d known in high school. Steve Harrington was selfless, brave and caring and as you looked into his caramel coloured eyes, all you wanted for him was to be happy because that’s what he deserved more than anything, even if it would never be with you.
“Steve…”
“Yeah?” He whispers, looking at you in a way that made your knees weak.
You knew this was your chance to tell him, the perfect night to admit your feelings but previous Valentine’s Day disasters prevented you from saying what you really wanted to, afraid Steve would have to let you down gently or worse, laugh in your face.
“You should go home and get ready for your date, I’ll lock up here.” You swallow hard as he finally removes his hand from your face, seemingly taking him out of his own thoughts.
“Oh, no I couldn’t ask you to do that.” He replies, shaking his head.
“You didn’t ask me, I offered.” You reassure, feeling guilty for how you had treated him all day.
“Are you sure?”
“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t. The place is quiet now anyway and there’s only an hour left. Plus I’ve been looking forward to destroying all those damn decorations all day.” You joke, attempting to hide the sadness you were currently feeling from him, terrified that you’d break down in tears if he stuck around much longer.
“You’re amazing, you know that?” He grins as you playfully roll your eyes at him. “So I’ve been told.”
“Got any advice for a successful Valentine’s date?” He questions, grabbing his car keys as you let out a sarcastic laugh.
“You’re really not asking the right person. I don’t think I’ve ever had a good Valentine’s experience. Why are you so nervous anyway, you’ve been on hundreds of dates?”
“Yeah I know, but I really like this girl, like a lot. More than I’ve ever liked anybody and I really don’t want to mess this up.” He sighs and you wonder if he can hear your heart smashing into pieces.
“Wow, she must be really special.” You breathe as he nods his head looking like a schoolboy with a crush.
“Yeah, she is.” He admits and it’s like a fresh bullet to your chest.
“Well then I hope she knows how lucky she is. Any girl who can’t see what an amazing guy you are would have to be a complete idiot.” You reply honestly, almost certain you see a hint of pink in his cheeks.
“Thanks, honey.” He whispers, before walking towards the exit, the nickname causing your brain to short circuit. Honey.
“Steve?”
“Hmm?”
“Happy Valentine’s Day.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day, pretty girl.” He grins, walking out the door as you feel a tear slide down your cheek watching his car pull out of the space, taking your broken heart right along with him. A heavy sigh escapes your lips, cursing under your breath, pondering if you were really doomed to face every February fourteenth in utter misery.
The last hour of your shift had gone by quicker than expected, having no customers during the final thirty minutes, giving you plenty of time to dispose of the shitty decorations that had mocked you throughout the day. When you finished vacuuming the floor, you wondered how your friends were fairing on their dates. Had Eddie gotten through a rom com without passing out? Did Robin make it up the steps of the movie theatre without falling? Was Keith really on a date with an actual woman? Had Steve already managed to get his new girl into bed?
That last thought made you want to throw up.
At 8:50 you decided to call it a night, dreaming of your warm bed and the cheese pizza you were going to order the minute you got home, wanting nothing more than to wallow in self pity. The money had been cashed up, the shelves were organised and you figured you had earned the extra ten minutes after everything you had endured today. Once you grabbed your handbag and jacket from your locker, you did a final check of the place before clocking out, switching the open sign to closed before you shut the door behind you, turning the key in the lock and pulling the shutters down, thankful you were off for the next couple of days.
As you tossed the keys into your bag, pulling on your jacket to prepare for the short walk to your apartment, you noticed a familiar maroon BMW parked up and Steve Harrington leaning against the hood, holding a bouquet of flowers.
“Steve?”
“Hey you.” He smiles, eyes sparkling in the glow of the moonlight.
“Is everything ok?” You worry, wondering if something had happened to one of the kids or your older friends.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be?” Steve reassures as you let out a sigh of relief.
“Well for starters, aren’t you supposed to be on a date right now?” You quiz, confusion apparent in your tone.
“I was just waiting for her to get off work actually, I’m picking her up here.” He smirks confidently, pushing himself off of the hood.
“You’re meeting her in the Family Video parking lot? Isn’t that a bit creepy?” You tease, raising a brow at him, trying not to focus on how good he looks in a grey sweater that you’ve never seen on him before.
“Well yeah, I guess it would be a little creepy if she didn’t work there.” He jokes, hoping he’d given you enough clues to figure out the rest for yourself. When your eyes begin to widen, mouth parting as you try to speak, he knows the penny has finally dropped.
“Steve I—”
“Happy Valentine’s Day, pretty girl.” He grins, repeating the same words he'd said earlier, handing you the prettiest bunch of daisies you’ve ever seen and it’s not until his fingers brush yours that you realise it isn’t a dream. Steve Harrington was here, waiting for you.
“These are for me?” You ask, breath catching in your throat.
“Of course they are, who else would I get them for?” He teases as you try to hold back tears.
"Steve, I…I can’t believe you got me daisies. they’re so beautiful.” You smile, suddenly feeling very dizzy.
“I know I probably should have gotten you roses but I know you hate all that traditional valentines stuff and last summer when we took the kids to the park and you made Max and El daisy chains, you said they were your favourite.”
“You remember that?” You blush looking up at him as he nods. “I remember everything about you, honey.”
Your stomach is doing somersaults now, palms sweaty and shaking with the way he’s looking at you and it takes everything in you not to kiss him silly.
“Did Robin know about this?” You quiz, wondering if you were going to have to murder your friend tomorrow for letting you go through a shift thinking Steve was going on a date with someone else.
“Are you serious? You know she can’t keep secrets. I couldn’t take the risk that she wouldn’t telll you. Plus, I was afraid she’d never let me live it down if you rejected me.” Steve jokes, flashing his pearly whites at you. How could you ever reject him?
“I don’t understand, if Robin didn’t tell you, how did you know I had feelings for you?”
“Not to sound totally arrogant but I’m not completely stupid. I see how flustered you get around me sometimes and how jealous you get when a customer tries to flirt with me, like today. But mostly I’ve seen the way you look at me and then I knew for sure—cause it’s the same way I look at you.” He whispers, his warm hand cupping your cheek.
“And how exactly do you look at me?” You challenge, swallowing hard as his lips inch closer to yours.
“Like I’m totally crazy about you.”
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jamiepaige · 2 months ago
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Constant Companions Closeup #1: DYAD
(also on spotify!)
Hello everyone!! It's been a couple weeks and change since Constant Companions, my newest album, was released unto the world, and I've been genuinely blown away by the response. Genuinely, thank you to everyone who's been streaming, commenting, making mashups, changing their pfps and usernames - it means the world to me!
I wanted to give some of that love back with something people have been asking me a lot about - and, admittedly, something I love doing. Song explanations! Deep dives! Dropping the lore! Welcome... to the Constant Companions Closeups...
For the next eleven days, I'll be going into each track one by one and babbling about the process, inspiration, details, feelings, and thoughts behind each one! We're getting sappy. We're bearing our hearts. We're telling unfunny jokes. And we're starting with track one - DYAD (featuring unit.0)!
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Naturally, since this is the first track, it also serves as a great point to talk about my intention with this album as a whole!
I'll elaborate more on this with future tracks, but to me, there are really two main things that define the sonic progression of this album versus my previous work - guitars and vocal synths. Obviously, these things have been present in my work since I first started calling myself Jamie Paige, but Constant Companions is intended to be my overwrought, sappy confession of love to these two things that time and time again have made me simply want to make music. I love rock and I love Hatsune Miku dammit!!!
I had originally written this song in February of 2023 for a game-jam-esque online festival hosted by my friend Loni called HAPPY PARTY TRI, and at that time, I had found myself at a major crossroads. I had put out People Posture Play Pretend and :women_wrestling: the previous year, and while the response was nice, I was feeling listless and lost.
I love singing. I like my voice well enough. I certainly love writing music with lyrics!! But... there was something uniquely electrifying about using vocal synths. Amidst a lot of insecurity and emotional turmoil surrounding the process of making art and putting myself out into the world, it was one of the few things that just made everything feel right. Suddenly, I was making the same kind of music that had touched my heart so many times over.
Would it alienate people, though? Would I lose longtime listeners? Yes, that weighed on my mind more than I'd like to admit, but even more than that... I was worried I'd lose some part of myself, as silly as it sounds. Maybe what I thought was a bridge would become a barrier, and the messages I wanted to send across the gap would never find their way.
Ultimately, I felt that Dyad was the only kind of opener I could've possibly given this album, and a perfect fit for the album's motif. A dialogue between myself, stricken with loneliness and a lack of inertia running in circles, and that synthesized voice (ANRI Arcane my darling), grabbing the outstretched hand and asking a question I already know the answer to -
"Baby, do you know what you wanna hear?"
Yes, it's a love song, but it's not just for a person - it's a love song for the creative impulse, and for the places I wanted it to take me.
im resisting the urge to be jokingly dismissive of myself to diffuse tension but i still need to signal that the emotionally bare part of this is over so pretend im doing a funny little dance Anyways let's talk more technical stuff
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Like many of my songs, Dyad came together from a patchwork of different snippets and ideas I had laying around. The back half of the chorus - "dream together, we can dream together" - originally came from this idea I had jotted down something like 9 months prior, but ended up being a perfect fit for Dyad in basically every way. The verse snippet that I'd written to go with it got reused for a later song on Constant Companions as well! (I say without naming it, as if it isn't literally lifted wholesale from this demo and thus incredibly obvious)
I wasn't originally planning on brazenly quoting the bridge of a Tally Hall song when I set out to write this song, but while toying around with a bridge idea involving a shortened version of the pre-chorus melody, I realized I had inadvertently copied it anyways. I was going to scrap it... but at the request of my dear friend and certified Tally Hall lover Marcy Nabors, I made it an explicit reference. Which I'm fine with, personally! The first CD I ever owned was a copy of Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum my sister bought me all the way back in 2006 - You can pry that sentimental attachment from my cold, dead hands, TikTok kiddies.
Lastly - not really behind the scenes so much as just a shoutout - thank you to unit.0 for the lovely lead guitar work on this song!! He's been a beloved collaborator of mine for many, many years now, and one of the people who ultimately convinced me this direction was the right one to go in, so it means a lot to share this song with him. Go listen to his music!!! Now!!!!!!
That's about it for this song! Not to sound like a fucking YouTuber, but genuinely, if there are any details you'd like to hear more about, let me know and I might made a bonus post at the end of all this. Otherwise, thank you for listening! Tomorrow: Not Quite There, featuring telebasher!
❤️💚
166 notes · View notes
dolene · 11 months ago
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TYING YOU TO ME!
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summary: nobody knows where the invisible strings could take you to. no one could ever see the threads, but the clues were surely there. you just don't realize it.
four times charles said his happy birthday, one time y/n said it back.
anonymous requested: Hi, sooo since it's my birthday in a couple of days I wanted to request a smau with Charles Leclerc's birthday post for his gf through the years like a childhood friend to lovers kinda thing and the internet is just being obsessed with them.
pairing: charles leclerc x childhood friend!reader
author's note: this is such a sweet request from you nonny! i wish you a happiest and sweetest birthday whenever it is<3
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FEBRUARY, 2019
charles_leclerc
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liked by arthur_leclerc, and 467,213 others
charles_leclerc It's been a long time since you're becoming my best friend, Y/n. But unfortunately your mama doesn't trust me with your childhood pictures, so she gave me this.
But I wish you the happiest birthday, Mon loulou😉🎂
view all 274 comments
yourusername Since when did you becoming poetic like this?
yourusername But OMG thank you, Cha! I LOVE YOUUUUU
username MON LOULOU DAAAAANGGG
username i need to scream to my pillow she's so adorableeeee
arthur_leclerc Believe it or not, I have more of her embarrassing photos
  ⤷ charles_leclerc Send it to my phone now
  ⤷ yourusername You're dead
username i can't believe today is her birthday. happy birthday, y/n
username AWW TOINY Y/NNNNN
landonorris she looks so little (same as today)
oscarpiastri I've never knew this was Y/n until Lily told me it was her. Happy birthday, Y/n. I hope you can be in McLaren next time.
  ⤷ scuderiaferrari Not until we do it faster.
  ⤷ mclaren I love to see you try
username she's so adorable 😍
username I wish my best friend does this
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FEBRUARY, 2020
charles_leclerc
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liked by carlossainz55, and 594,355 others
charles_leclerc Wishing the happiest of birthdays to the coolest person i know my entire life🎂😄 @yourusername
view all 824 comments
carlossainz55 I bet that she's cooler than you
  ⤷ charles_leclerc NOBODY is better than the original.
username Shes really cool, now I know why is she called the coolest person he know
  ⤷ username she got that tiktok style
luisinhaoliveira99 Feliz aniversário!!! 😙😙
mickschumacher Thanks for cropping me off the picture 😔👍🏻
  ⤷ yourusername Sorryyyyy
username HAPPYYYY BIRTHDAAAAY
username LITERALLY OBSESSED W THEM
username racer bestie + influencer bestie
username imagine being wished every year like this by charles
charles_leclerc added a photo to their story! 3h
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caption: Selfie with the birthday girl
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FEBRUARY 2021
charles_leclerc
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liked by landonorris, and 639,427 others
charles_leclerc She's a menace. Happy birthday baguette eater.
👤: @yourusername, @joris__trouche
view all 868 comments
landonorris ooohhhh myyyy
username is this the undiscovered dirty self of THE charles leclerc??
username BAGUETTE EATER???????
username idk who's the menace here
yourusername STOPPP😭😭😭
username I can't believe that he is this dirty sometimes
username and lando is the fastest on liking this one yet is making me cry
yourusername YOU PROMISE WOULDN'T POST THIS
  ⤷ charles_leclerc Sorry, can't help it, Arthur said i need to post this
  ⤷ arthur_leclerc THE BETRAYAL
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FEBRUARY, 2022
charles_leclerc
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liked by lewishamilton, and 882,490 others
charles_leclerc Still be the coolest and the nicest person I've ever had, and now she is my girlfriend. Happy birthday, loulou. ti amerò per sempre.
👤: @yourusername
view all 1,246 comments
yourusername anch'io ti amo per sempre😭😭😭😭😭
username Loulou pronounced lulu, that means i'm sleepy so let's sleep and be delulu
lilyzneimer Ahhh happy birthday, sweetheart!
georgerussell63 Happy happy birthday Y/n. have a visit to London, so that Carmen and I could make you some muffins 😉
carlossainz55 Happy birthday Y/n, don't forget to join me and Isa tomorrow!
isahernaez Have the happiest of birthday, Y/n
username 😭😭😭 I still can't believe they're really together
username when will i date my best friend like this
  ⤷ username DONT GIVE ME IDEAS
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FEBRUARY, 2023
charles_leclerc
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liked by yourusername, and 724,560 others
charles_leclerc A year has passed since the time that I asked you to be my girlfriend. Joris said that he took more, but unfortunately the camera took a swim, and that leave us with this grainy picture.
And anyways, I wish you a marvelous birthday to my beloved girlfriend, @yourusername. never change.
view all 899 comments
yourusername I LOVE YOU TOOOO CHARLES I'M CRYING SO HARD RN
joris__trouche 😉😉👍🏻
username i love them your honor
username parents
username MAMA Y PAPA😍😍😘😚
lilymhe Charles, I am not aware of your games
username 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
username i need to have it like them because if i'm not i'm going to explode
username EVERY 😭😭 FUCKING 😭😭 YEARS😭😭
username i wanna cry i want this so much
username poetic charles are gonna be my favorite gender fr
username joris when i catch you joris
carmenmmundt Happy birthday to you, Y/n!
nicholaslatifi Oh you Lovebirds... 🥹
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OCTOBER 16TH, 2024
yourusername
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liked by sebastianvettel, and 859,437 others
yourusername Who knew that this tiny man is once my best friend?
Even though I got my hair slicked back, putting up my fakest smile, and wearing the black dress you hate; I'm still amazed that you were still there for me whenever i could count on you.
And now that you're my boyfriend, I cannot be more grateful for that. Happy birthday, big boy. Je t'aime pour toujours.❤️❤️
view all 682 comments
leclerc_pascale 🥳🥳🥳
username WHO'S CUTTING ONION HERE
carlossainz55 I've noticed that you both are doing great with words now, happy birthday, Cabrón.
username a lil spicy on the eyes don't you think
username HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLES😭😭😭
landonorris that's cute. happy birthday
username ISN'T😭IT😭 JUST😭SO😭PRETTY😭TO😭THINK😭ALL😭ALONG😭THERE😭WAS😭SOME😭 INVISIBLE 😭STRING😭TYING😭YOU😭TO😭ME😭
username I've had enough, I need to date my best friend
username i'm not yet moved on from charles's birthday wishes to y/n, and now i'm screwed by thinking about this
lewishamilton Happy birthday, mate
scuderiaferrari Have the happiest birthday to you, Champ! ✨❤️
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543 notes · View notes
mostlysignssomeportents · 8 months ago
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Linkrot
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For the rest of May, my bestselling solarpunk utopian novel THE LOST CAUSE (2023) is available as a $2.99, DRM-free ebook!
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Here's an underrated cognitive virtue: "object permanence" – that is, remembering how you perceived something previously. As Riley Quinn often reminds us, the left is the ideology of object permanence – to be a leftist is to hate and mistrust the CIA even when they're tormenting Trump for a brief instant, or to remember that it was once possible for a working person to support their family with their wages:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/27/six-sells/#youre-holding-it-wrong
The thing is, object permanence is hard. Life comes at you quickly. It's very hard to remember facts, and the order in which those facts arrived – it's even harder to remember how you felt about those facts in the moment.
This is where blogging comes in – for me, at least. Back in 1997, Scott Edelman – editor of Science Fiction Age – asked me to take over the back page of the magazine by writing up ten links of interest for the nascent web. I wrote that column until the spring of 2000, then, in early 2001, Mark Frauenfelder asked me to guest-edit Boing Boing, whereupon the tempo of my web-logging went daily. I kept that up on Boing Boing for more than 19 years, writing about 54,000 posts. In February, 2020, I started Pluralistic.net, my solo project, a kind of blog/newsletter, and in the four-plus years since, I've written about 1,200 editions containing between one and twelve posts each.
This gigantic corpus of everything I ever considered to be noteworthy is immensely valuable to me. The act of taking notes in public is a powerful discipline: rather than jotting cryptic notes to myself in a commonplace book, I publish those notes for strangers. This imposes a rigor on the note-taking that makes those notes far more useful to me in years to come.
Better still: public note-taking is powerfully mnemonic. The things I've taken notes on form a kind of supersaturated solution of story ideas, essay ideas, speech ideas, and more, and periodically two or more of these fragments will glom together, nucleate, and a fully-formed work will crystallize out of the solution.
Then, the fact that all these fragments are also database entries – contained in the back-end of a WordPress installation that I can run complex queries on – comes into play, letting me swiftly and reliably confirm my memories of these long-gone phenomena. Inevitably, these queries turn up material that I've totally forgotten, and these make the result even richer, like adding homemade stock to a stew to bring out a rich and complicated flavor. Better still, many of these posts have been annotated by readers with supplemental materials or vigorous objections.
I call this all "The Memex Method" and it lets me write a lot (I wrote nine books during lockdown, as I used work to distract me from anxiety – something I stumbled into through a lifetime of chronic pain management):
https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/09/the-memex-method/
Back in 2013, I started a new daily Boing Boing feature: "This Day In Blogging History," wherein I would look at the archive of posts for that day one, five and ten years previously:
https://boingboing.net/2013/06/24/this-day-in-blogging-history.html
With Pluralistic, I turned this into a daily newsletter feature, now stretching back to twenty, fifteen, ten, five and one year ago. Here's today's:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/21/noway-back-machine/#retro
This is a tremendous adjunct to the Memex Method. It's a structured way to review everything I've ever thought about, in five-year increments, every single day. I liken this to working dough, where there's stuff at the edges getting dried out and crumbly, and so your fold it all back into the middle. All these old fragments naturally slip out of your thoughts and understanding, but you can revive their centrality by briefly paying attention to them for a few minutes every day.
This structured daily review is a wonderful way to maintain object permanence, reviewing your attitudes and beliefs over time. It's also a way to understand the long-forgotten origins of issues that are central to you today. Yesterday, I was reminded that I started thinking about automotive Right to Repair 15 years ago:
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2009/05/right-repair-law-pro
Given that we're still fighting over this, that's some important perspective, a reminder of the likely timescales involved in more recent issues where I feel like little progress is being made.
Remember when we all got pissed off because the mustache-twirling evil CEO of Warners, David Zaslav, was shredding highly anticipated TV shows and movies prior to their release to get a tax-credit? Turns out that we started getting angry about this stuff twenty years ago, when Michael Eisner did it to Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 911":
https://www.nytimes.com/2004/05/05/us/disney-is-blocking-distribution-of-film-that-criticizes-bush.html
It's not just object permanence: this daily spelunk through my old records is also a way to continuously and methodically sound the web for linkrot: when old links go bad. Over the past five years, I've noticed a very sharp increase in linkrot, and even worse, in the odious practice of spammers taking over my dead friends' former blogs and turning them into AI spam-farms:
https://www.wired.com/story/confessions-of-an-ai-clickbait-kingpin/
The good people at the Pew Research Center have just released a careful, quantitative study of linkrot that confirms – and exceeds – my worst suspicions about the decay of the web:
https://www.pewresearch.org/data-labs/2024/05/17/when-online-content-disappears/
The headline finding from "When Online Content Disappears" is that 38% of the web of 2013 is gone today. Wikipedia references are especially hard-hit, with 23% of news links missing and 21% of government websites gone. The majority of Wikipedia entries have at least one broken link in their reference sections. Twitter is another industrial-scale oubliette: a fifth of English tweets disappear within a matter of months; for Turkish and Arabic tweets, it's 40%.
Thankfully, someone has plugged the web's memory-hole. Since 2001, the Internet Archive's Wayback Machine has allowed web users to see captures of web-pages, tracking their changes over time. I was at the Wayback Machine's launch party, and right away, I could see its value. Today, I make extensive use of Wayback Machine captures for my "This Day In History" posts, and when I find dead links on the web.
The Wayback Machine went public in 2001, but Archive founder Brewster Kahle started scraping the web in 1996. Today's post graphic – a modified Yahoo homepage from October 17, 1996 – is the oldest Yahoo capture on the Wayback Machine:
https://web.archive.org/web/19960501000000*/yahoo.com
Remember that the next time someone tells you that we must stamp out web-scraping for one reason or another. There are plenty of ugly ways to use scraping (looking at you, Clearview AI) that we should ban, but scraping itself is very good:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/17/how-to-think-about-scraping/
And so is the Internet Archive, which makes the legal threats it faces today all the more frightening. Lawsuits brought by the Big Five publishers and Big Three labels will, if successful, snuff out the Internet Archive altogether, and with it, the Wayback Machine – the only record we have of our ephemeral internet:
https://blog.archive.org/2024/04/19/internet-archive-stands-firm-on-library-digital-rights-in-final-brief-of-hachette-v-internet-archive-lawsuit/
Libraries burn. The Internet Archive may seem like a sturdy and eternal repository for our collective object permanence about the internet, but it is very fragile, and could disappear like that.
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If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/21/noway-back-machine/#pew-pew-pew
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peterm4rker · 5 days ago
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(𐙚⋆.˚) ghost of you
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🕸🕷✮⋆ [taeyong x reader] ...୨♡୧... wc. 1.8k w. death, mention of drunk driving, grief, alcohol consumption, lmk if you find any more! angst ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ
hey siri! play "ghost of you" by the 5 seconds of summer
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january 27th, 2025 - 6:48pm
hey baby, i've been trying to reach you but i'm guessing you fell asleep... anyways, i have to go now, but i'll call you tomorrow, same time as always… i love you and i miss you more than i could even express. you’re my everything, remember that always… i’ll talk to you soon, okay? i'm dying to hear your voice… i love you so much, rest well my love.
january 28th, 2025 - 7:02am
yn? please answer me… your mom just called and i- this is some type of sick joke, isn't it? i refuse to believe it, i know you're just asleep, you’ll call me tomorrow, right? please, i just… i need to hear your voice again, i need to know you’re safe. i love you, baby, please be okay, please, please be okay.
january 29th, 2025 - 6:37pm
doyoung called me yesterday. uhm, when the phone rang i thought it was you for a second, i even saw your name on the screen… i guess not sleeping does that to a person. he told me he went to see your mom at your house and that he didn’t want to believe it either… we all love you so much, you know, and we miss you even though you’re barely gone... i’m going to my superipr’s office today, i need to go home to see you one last time… i love you, you’re forever my everything and i hope you know that.
january 30th, 2025 - 6:34pm
hey, baby. i got back home last night… everything is just the way you left it. i can still feel you here, i couldn’t even move to your side of the bed. there's a half drunk coffee cup on the table, it has your lipstick on it still… am i wrong for not wanting to wash it yet? i know it’s a little disgusting, but i can't get rid of it, not yet at least… anyways, i’m going to your brother’s house today to check up on him, your mom says he wont talk to anyone… i hope he’ll talk to me. i love you, baby, i miss you.
february 3rd, 2025 - 6:39pm
i dreamt of you last night, it was the first time i’ve gotten more than a single hour of sleep since you… since you left. you were there like you have been ever since i met you in that practice room so long ago. you remember that, right? when you dropped hyuck off and i spilled my soda on you? yeah, we were back there. you told me not to worry, that everything is fine. it felt different than it did before, though, because you were crying and holding my face like you do when you try to make things better… nothing is fine, yn. you’re gone, and a world without you simply cannot be anything but fucking awful. 
february 3rd, 2025 - 6:45pm
oh, and i forgot. i went to see hyuck but i didn’t get him to talk… he was on your childhood bed, the one with the pink covers… he hasn’t gotten out of your room for anything but the bathroom, so your parents are very worried. i’m gonna try to make it better, okay? i’ll help him because i know it’s destroying you to watch this from up there… i love you, always.
february 5th, 2025 - 6:33pm
hey, my love. i just got off the phone with my superior… he said i can stay home and we’ll issue when i can resume my service. i begged him to let me go back, you know… i need to be okay, i need to be busy so i don't think about you every second of every day; but he said i need to grieve in peace, so now i'm stuck here again. i’m staying with doyoung because every time i step foot at our house i feel like i’m dying inside, although i told him it’s because it’s closer to your parents, just in case they need me. i know he knows the truth, but i have to be strong, you know? they all lost you too. i love you, ill talk to you soon.
february 7th, 2025 - 3:56am
why did you have to leave me, yn? why did you decide to walk when you knew hyuck could take you to work? why on earth did you do that? i’m so mad, not only at you, but at everything. i’m mad because you shouldn’t have walked, i’m mad because some fucking asshole decided to drunk drive at five in the fucking afternoon. i’m mad because i wasn’t there… i should’ve been there to push you out of the way and then maybe it would be you sitting here at home feeling like nothing makes any sense anymore. you should be here, with me, dancing around the kitchen like we always did when we got drunk. now i’m dancing with a fucking ghost… i love you so much, but i’m so fucking mad at the world for making you leave me.
february 7th, 2025 - 6:47pm
hey angel… uhm, i’m sorry for this morning, i was really drunk and everything kind of came crashing down on me… i’m cleaning up right now because i left a mess when i came back. i shattered the coffee cup and your lipstick is gone, which made me cry like a fucking baby… i also found my old zeppelin shirt, the one you stole the first night you ever slept over. i remember you sent me a picture of you wearing it the day of the accident, it’s even my wallpaper still… but yeah, i miss you, baby, and i’m not mad at you.
february 20th, 2025 - 6:32pm
hi baby, sorry i haven’t reached out in so long, i’ve been busy trying to get my shit together… i talked to your brother today, i finally got him out of the house and we went to the park. we ate those coconut ice creams you liked so much and sat by fred the statue, hyuck cried the entire time. we talked about you, all the happy memories and how fucking funny you were, always cheering us up in our worst moments… we also talked about the big fight we had when he found out we were dating. remember that? he tried to fist fight me when he was 14 even though i was so much bigger than him. i guess he was right then, though. we were too young and dumb to know things like love. but I know better now, and i have loved you ever since the very first second i saw your pretty face.
march 17th, 2025 - 6:57pm
hello, baby, long time no see… i just got out of your memorial… your parents asked me to talk because neither of them can bring themselves to, so i did and i don't think i’ve ever looked as pathetic in my life… i can’t stop crying, even now that it’s long over… everyone was here, you know, even sion and them. i think you would’ve hated it, you always despised seeing people cry… i’m taking hyuck to our house tonight. he said he needs to be surrounded by you, so he’ll stay with me until we’re both better. you should see him now, how disarmed he is… it scares me a lot, what if i don’t do as good of a job at cheering him up as you would’ve? i mean, i can’t even get myself to stop feeling like i’m being crushed, how the fuck am i supposed to help him?... i don’t know, but i promise i’ll figure it out. i love you, ynnie, forever always.
april 27th, 2025 - 6:35pm
hey ynnie, i’m back here again… it’s been four months since you left, and i’m beginning to think it won’t get better. i thought i was, really, that’s why i stopped calling. but i went out with the guys today, and yuta broke down because he saw your name in his contacts… we all miss you so fucking much, yn. it feels like a huge part of life is missing without you by my side and it’s drowning me. i feel like i’m holding onto you like an anchor in the middle of the ocean, but i don’t want to let go… i don’t know how to. i miss you every single day; when i walk through the market, when i clean, when i watch tv. you’re fucking everywhere, and i don’t know how to appreciate that yet, it just makes me feel worse than i already do. still, it’s not your fault… nothing ever was and now nothing ever will be. i love you, just as much as i always have. 
may 16th, 2025 - 6:46pm
hey, my love. uhm, this will be the last message for a while, okay? i started going to the therapist, and he said it might be better for me to find another outlet than this one… i think he might be right, i don’t know what i’ll do the day this number gets reassigned… anyways, i wanted to let you know, even when i know you’re watching me from wherever you are. i love you, yn. i want you to know that even if you’re not here for me to tell you. i love you, i love you, i love you, i will never stop loving you.
january 27th, 2026 - 6:48pm
hey, ynnie… it’s been a while, huh? i know you’re probably scolding me from up there for calling this number again after so long, but i need you to understand me on this one. i don’t call with hopes that you’ll answer anymore, i gave up on that a long time ago… i found other ways to talk to you, and i’m sure you know that because i’ve seen the way your star flickers sometimes when i go talk to you every night. everything is better, as you know. haechan is back on his feet, he’s touring again with dream… he’s shining again, and i know it’s because you’re right by his side… your parents are better too, your dad is smiling again. everybody's learning how to live without you, even though we hate it so much… anyways, it’s very fitting that you sent that new dance coach today, she kind of reminds me of you. the boy’s said the same thing, too. still, she’s not you. and i know that’s not fair, no one could ever be you or even close… but still, it makes me miss you even more... dancing is starting to make me happy again, though my feet don't dance like they did with you... well, this turned into a pretty long message, i’m sorry for that, i’ll leave you to it and talk to you tonight, okay? i love you so much, rest well my love.
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★ blue's corner ;; hey... im sorry ! i wanted to start the year with something special, and taeyong is the answer to everything in my life... i'm also forever in love with 5sos and this song in particular so i hope you enjoyed !! ★ taglist ;; @neozon3nha @winwintea @spacejip @dudekiss3r @yizhrt @lyvhie @morkiee @astrasng @taroddori ★ back to the masterlist. ★ please do not copy, adapt or steal any of the content !!! ★ divider by @roseraris
© peterm4rker, 2025
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zegrasdrysdale · 1 year ago
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[ sneaking into vegas ] j. drysdale
part one !
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paring : Jamie Drysdale x fem!!reader
summary : (Y/N) flies into Vegas to surprise Jamie for his first NHL game in nearly a year
warning(s) : none
author's note : listen, this was supposed to be a little thing but it turned out to be over 2k words so … i got a little carried away
༺═──────────────═༻
She was supposed to be across the country in New York, but when her boyfriend told her that he was going to be playing in his first NHL game since he got hurt last year, she couldn't resist getting on a plane to go watch him.
Especially after she saw who Anaheim was going to be playing for their season opener. (Y/N) knew that she needed to be in Vegas for that game. Even if that meant leaving New York a week early.
Jamie doesn't know she's coming. As a matter of fact, she tells him that she's going to be in her temporary office catching up on some work all day so he doesn't suspect anything when she doesn't reply to him all day because she has an eight-hour travel day ahead of her.
Her flight leaves at nine in the morning and she won't be getting into Vegas until two in the afternoon pacific time. That leaves her nearly five hours to check into the hotel that the Ducks are staying in while they're in Vegas for the game, get something to eat, and head to the arena without alerting Jamie to where she is.
Should be easy since she knows that Jamie will be at morning skate from eleven until two then will take a nap and eat before he heads to the arena at five. He has things that will keep him busy so she can sneak into Vegas.
On the contrary, Trevor knows that she's coming in and has a whole plan to keep Jamie busy if he decides not to take a nap after morning skate. They've been working together for the past few days so make sure the surprise goes smoothly. He's supposed to pick her up from the airport as soon as he's done practice.
(Y/N) has never watched Jamie play a game of NHL hockey. They met after he got hurt last October and started dating in February. She's very excited to be in the arena for his first regular season game back from injury. She doesn't care if she's the only Ducks fan in the place. She'll be making sure she cheers loudly for Jamie and his teammates.
At two on the dot, the plane lanes at Harry Reid International Airport. When (Y/N) gets off the plane a few minutes later, she texts Trevor and lets him know that her flight has landed. He replies and says that he's waiting for her in his rental whenever she grabs her suitcase from baggage claim.
A few notifications come through while she's waiting for her bags. All from Jamie throughout the morning.
j ♡ - 10:04 am hope you have a good day at work. will miss you. hope you can catch the game tonight if you aren't working super late
j ♡ - 10:49 am forgot to say that i love you so ... i love you 🩷 gotta go to morning skate so talk to you later
j ♡ - 2.08 pm z ditched me if you're not busy for a short call. i don't think i'll be able to sleep before the game so call me if you have a few minutes
She looks at Trevor and asks, "Do you think he'll be suspicious if I call him really quick? I think he has some pre-game nerves and I told him I'd only work until dinnertime, which is what time it is in New York."
"I don't think so," Trevor replies. "It'll be like you're calling him on your way back from work. Just don't get all cute and everything. The two of you make me sick when you get all lovey-dovey with each other. I already hear it from Jamie every day."
(Y/N) sticks her tongue out at Trevor as she clicks 'call' on Jamie's contact. Trevor lowers the music so she can talk on the phone.
It rings three times before Jamie picks up. "Hi, baby," he breathes out when he answers the phone. "I've been needing to hear your voice."
"Hi, Jamie baby," (Y/N) replies. Jamie's nickname causes Trevor to make a face as he drives. She swats at his shoulder. "How was morning skate? You just got done a little bit ago, right?"
"Yeah," Jamie says. "It went good. I think it went well. I feel pretty good about playing tonight, minus the fact that we're playing Vegas and I got hurt playing against them last year. I'm just nervous about playing them after last year."
She frowns. "Hey, you'll be okay," she assures him. "You're going to play so well tonight. I know you will. No matter what happens tonight, I'm proud of you. I'm excited for you to get back on the ice, and I know your teammates are too. I'm pretty sure Z has missed having you on the ice with him."
"I've missed being on the ice with them, but what if I do something wrong?" Jamie questions. "What if I give up the puck and they score on the giveaway? What if I fall and land on my shoulder wrong? What if-"
"Jamie, stop," (Y/N) interrupts. "None of that is going to happen, okay? Not intentionally. You're working yourself up and you shouldn't be because this is what you're good at. You wouldn't be in the NHL if you weren't good at hockey, baby. There's a reason you're playing for Anaheim at the professional level. Do what you do best tonight. Your teammates are there to pick you up if you need them to until you get comfortable. Stop freaking yourself out."
They pull up to the hotel and Trevor parks his rental away from the main entrance so none of the Ducks players see (Y/N) and report to Jamie that his girlfriend is at the hotel. "You're right," Jamie sighs. "I'm sorry to bother you with this while you're at work."
"I'm actually on my way back to the apartment," (Y/N) tells him. "But even if I was still at work, bother me with this any time. I'll never be mad if you want me to call you because you're nervous for a game."
"I don't deserve you, (Y/N)," Jamie says. "I truly don't. I love you so much."
The comment brings a smile to her lips. "I love you more," she replies. "I'm pulling into the parking lot now so I'll talk to you later. Maybe you can get Z to bring you something to eat if you can't sleep."
Jamie laughs and says, "If I bug him enough then he'll definitely bring me food. I'll let you go though, get settled in for the night. I'll talk to you after the game."
"Call me after," she tells him. "I don't care that it'll be after one in the morning. Call me and tell me all about the game. I'll want to hear all about it and how it went."
"I will," Jamie replies. "I love you."
"I love you too."
The line goes dead after that and (Y/N) realizes that she has a small smile on her lips. He won't have to call her after the game. She'll be waiting outside the locker room when he gets done showering and getting dressed after the game.
Trevor gets out of the car and mumbles, "The two of you make me sick." She laughs and gets out of the car after him.
He grabs her suitcase from the trunk and hands it over to her when it's on the ground. With Trevor following close behind, (Y/N) walks into the hotel. She checks into the room that she'll only be in for about four hours total because Jamie is going to make sure they're together that night, and she doesn't want him to kick Trevor out of the room.
It’s been a few weeks since they’ve seen each other so she wanted to make sure there was a room they could stay in together.
Trevor walks her to her room, which is a floor below the Ducks’ rooms. “We’re in 504,” he tells her. He hands her the extra key to his and Jamie’s room while she hands him the extra key to her room. “I’ll let you know if he sleeps, which I doubt but I’ll let you know.”
“Make sure he stays calm and remind him that he knows what he’s doing,” (Y/N) tells him. “Don’t let him freak himself out.”
“I’ll just distract him,” Trevor replies. “With food or with an activity that he likes to do. Maybe I’ll take him to a casino for a bit, I don’t know. I’ve got him though. Until you take over after the game.”
She nods and Trevor walks up to his and Jamie’s room. With a sigh, she opens the door and lets herself into the room.
Her suitcase with the jersey she’s wearing to the game is left right by the door and she goes right to the bed. She sets an alarm for five so she wakes up after the Ducks leave for the arena. She’ll leave a half an hour later so she doesn’t run into Jamie when he’s on his way out the door.
After a long day of traveling for the surprise tonight, (Y/N) is fast asleep almost right after she puts her phone on the table to charge.
༺═──────────────═༻
T-Mobile Arena is one of the nicest arenas that (Y/N) has ever gone to. Most of the people are nice. She gets a few looks from Golden Knights fans because she’s in the Drysdale jersey that Jamie gave to her. She loves the jersey, and she promised him that she’d wear it to the first game he plays in after his injury.
That game is tonight.
She makes her way down to her seat with the other Duck wives and girlfriends, and they’re all excited to see her. Some of them meet her for the first time, but they’re all super nice.
The puck drops a little after seven, and (Y/N) spots number 6 almost immediately. He glides around the ice like he’s flying, and she’s mesmerized by it.
(Y/N) has watched practices and Jamie work with Trevor throughout the past few months while he recovered from his injury. That is nothing compared to what she’s watching right now.
Vegas gets on the board first with two seconds left in the first period, and the fans erupt around her and the other wives and girlfriends.
Then they score again with five minutes left in the second period.
Then they score again six minutes into the third period. It’s not looking very good for the Ducks at this point. (Y/N) finds herself frowning because she knows that they wanted to be a better team this season.
About thirty seconds later, the Ducks get themselves on the board with a goal from Mason. Their little group celebrates the goal.
(Y/N) knows that Jamie had the puck before Mason put it in the net. His first point in over a year in his first game back from injury. It causes her to scream a little louder in celebration. Her mouth hurts from smiling. She swears the smile doesn’t drop until the final horn blares through the arena, signaling a 4-1 Vegas win.
Not the best first game, but it’s only game one of 82.
After the game, (Y/N) finds her way down to the locker room where the Ducks are. She leans against the wall right outside and waits.
She can hear Greg Cronin on the other side of the door talking to his team about the game. She didn’t think they did terrible, but they’re in there getting lectured like they gave up ten goals.
Yeah, Jamie might be really excited to see (Y/N) when he leaves the locker room. Especially after getting a long lecture from his coach.
He played a good game, and she’s proud of him. She’s happy that she decided to hop on a plane and come out to Vegas to watch Jamie play. She’ll be even happier when he comes out of that locker room in a little bit.
Cronin leaves the room with a heavy sigh and doesn’t even acknowledge (Y/N) standing in the hallway. She doesn’t even care.
A few minutes after Cronin leaves, Trevor sticks his head out into the hallway. “He’ll be right out,” he tells her. “He’s hitting the showers really quick before he leaves. I don’t think he’s in a good mood but when he sees you, that’ll change.”
She nods and Trevor disappears back into the room.
Just to mess with Jamie a bit, she takes a picture on her Instagram story of the giant Vegas logo and geotags T-Mobile Arena. Jamie has her notifications on so he’ll see that as soon as he checks his phone.
Ten minutes pass and (Y/N) is getting antsy. She knows that he doesn’t take very long showers so he’ll be coming out of that locker room any minute.
Several Ducks leave and greet her as they pass while she waits for Jamie. Troy pops his head back into the locker room when he sees her and says, “Hey, Jimmy. Someone’s here to see you.”
“Who?”
“You’ll see.”
(Y/N) shoots Troy a smile as he walks down the hall to get on the bus.
The door opens and a very confused Jamie Drysdale walks out of the locker room. His eyes land on (Y/N) and he runs up to her. She smiles as Jamie hugs her around her torso and lifts her off her feet.
She giggles and wraps herself around Jamie. Her legs are around his waist and her arms are around his neck. He buries his face into her neck and she puts her nose in his wet hair.
“When did you-”
“Earlier today,” she says into his hair. “Worked with Z to make sure you didn’t see me when I got in. When I saw you were playing Vegas in your first regular season game back after injury, I had to come out and watch.”
Jamie sets her down but doesn’t let her go. She looks up at him and he looks genuinely surprised to see her. Good to know Trevor didn’t blab and ruin the surprise.
“I can’t believe you’re here in Vegas,” Jamie breathes out. “You saw my assist in person?”
She smiles and nods. “I saw your assist in person,” she replies. “I’m very proud of you, Jamie baby. First point in a while. I told you that you had nothing to freak out about. You’re a talented player. I had no doubt that you would be amazing tonight. Maybe even pick up a point or two.”
The smile that Jamie gives her makes her heart flutter. This is the smile she has missed and wanted to see after this game ended no matter the result.
Jamie pulls her against him by her waist and presses a feather soft kiss against her lips. “All I could think about after that assist was how I wish you were here to see it,” he admits to her. “You were actually here to see it.”
“Mhm,” she hums. “I made the right choice. I’ve really missed you. I wanted to surprise you today.”
“Consider me surprised.”
She gets on her toes and instigates a deeper, more frantic kiss when she presses her lips to his. She kisses him the way she’s wanted to kiss him in the three weeks since they last saw each other.
Her fingers curl into the hair on the back of his neck, not caring that it’s wet. Jamie has a grip of his jersey on her waist that’s keeping her from going anywhere. As if she would go anywhere right now.
This is where she wants to be. She doesn’t want to go anywhere else.
“Ew, can’t the two of you wait until we’re back at the hotel to suck faces?” Trevor voice asks. It pulls them apart. “You’re away from each other for a few weeks and all of a sudden you’re both a fan of PDA. It’s gross.”
Jamie turns his head and (Y/N) looks over his shoulder to see both Trevor and Mason standing in front of the locker room door. “It’s not my fault you have no one to suck faces with, Z,” Jamie retorts. “Imagine being across the country from your girlfriend then tell me you wouldn’t suddenly be a fan of PDA.”
She buries her face in Jamie’s shoulder to hide a smile. Trevor rolls his eyes and says, “You’re sleeping in her room tonight. I am not giving up ours.”
“Don’t worry,” Jamie says. “I was already planning on it.” He turns his attention back to (Y/N). “I wouldn’t want my teammates to hear the things that I’m going to do to (Y/N) tonight.”
Yeah, sneaking into Vegas was the best idea she’s ever had.
༺═──────────────═༻
MASTERLIST | part two
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dulceslilacwine · 5 months ago
Text
black beauty
dallas winston x reader
word count: 1.9k
warnings: none! just some angst i guess?
authors note: this is sort of based on lana del rey's song black beauty :) i think i'll be basing a lot of my oneshots off of songs until i can conjure up some more plots! also, i know the grammar isn't perfect let me live!!! btw I'm not sure if I'll write a part two to this or not
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years had passed since you last saw dallas, it hurt more than anything keeping away from him, but you knew you couldn't do anything about it. memories of the last night you had spent with him haunted you, kept you awake at night, and sometimes brought you to tears to the point where all you could do was lay in bed, staring at the wall wondering if you could've done anything to keep your relationship.
eventually, you learned to live with it. you didn't cry every night, you could sleep a few more hours than before, the pain was still there but you learned to numb it as much as you could. you decided to turn your heartbreak into something else, something that people would listen to, that he would possibly hear.
your friends all thought you were talented, that out of all the greasers you had something going, you would get out of tulsa and live freely, without a worry in the world. many told you to go to open mic nights, sign up for talent shows, sing in the church, anything or anywhere that someone other than just your friends would be able to listen to your voice, but you always refused. you had thought about wanting to sing but quickly snapped out of those thoughts as it would be near impossible to make it big, especially considering where you were from. the only person who ever got you to attend an open mic night was dallas, at a random bar in town.
the two of you were in your room, an elvis record played in the background while you talked, it was getting late and you were starting to get bored after being inside all day, dallas just arrived a few minutes after you decided to call it a night. he suggested going to a bar, and you agreed, wanting to spend some more time with him and he drove to the bar which had a notice on the door saying "open mic night, come sing!"
the two of you talked, and he drank a beer while you sipped on a daiquiri, not with much enjoyment but as the night went on, you and dallas judged the singers, people watched and enjoyed each other's company, and you began to like the drink. when you were on your second one, dallas suggested you go and sing a song. you said no about five times, telling him you were nervous.
"come on, doll, i've heard you sing before, you've got a pretty voice," he told you, he had heard you sing before, but that wasn't the reason behind the nervousness, you had never sung in front of a crowd of people you didn't know, the thought of them not liking how you sounded frightened you. another person went up to sing, you had just finished your second daiquiri, and once again, dallas suggested you sing.
you gave in because of the liquid courage, you put your name on the list with the song you wanted to sing, stupid cupid by connie francis. it seemed fitting as it was the beginning of february and everyone had been singing songs relating to love, whether it be about a broken heart or a love confession, you decided to be on theme.
you had your moment, up on the makeshift stage, some people sang along quietly, and you earned some claps and whistles, satisfied with yourself you went back to where dallas was sitting.
"told you, the people liked your singin','' he told you, his arm wrapping around your waist before giving you a kiss on the cheek.
that night had been just a little over two years. the night you remember the most out of all was the last night you spent together.
for two weeks before that, you had felt him getting distant. you tried not to worry so much over it, you two had been together for almost a year and you constantly heard people talking about how sometimes in long relationships there will be times one person can be distant, there isn't a spark like there was before, one or the other could get bored but it was all a matter of staying together and working through these times. you thought it was just that, so you didn't pay any mind to it.
he came over to talk to you, that was what he said when he called to check if you were home. when you opened your door and saw his face, you noticed he didn't smile at you like he usually did. with no kiss from him, he walked in and you two sat in your living room.
"I think it's the best for us to end things, doll." you saw in his face how he noticed your eyes were starting to tear up. "why, dal?'' you asked with a shaky voice, hoping you wouldn't cry in front of him. "it's for the better of us," he told you, he had an expression you couldn't read, he looked so calm but at the same time bored.
all you could do was nod, walk him to the door, and whisper an "I love you," before closing the door. the days after seemed like a blur, you couldn't sleep, you couldn't eat, and you didn't want to do anything, not read, write, listen to music, or get out of bed.
but that was months ago and today, you were going to meet with a journalist for an interview that would be going in the newspapers. you were excited, after all, you couldn't believe how far you had gotten in only a few months after the release of your first record.
"so, tell us about the song people have been most interested in, black beauty, what is it about?" the man asked. i took a moment to think about how to word everything because that was the first song i wrote and it meant a lot to me. "it's mostly about myself but a partner i had a few years back inspired it. things didn't end in the best way, i was left with a lot of questions and it left me in a horrible state for a few months, i forgot how beautiful life was because i let the sadness consume me. eventually, i started to live normally, well as best as one could after such a big heartbreak," i joked, trying to not sound too serious. "i wrote it after looking back on everything and thinking 'wow I was really in a bad place' and once again turning that into even more of a realization of me being able to enjoy life once again.”
౨ৎ
"you won't believe who's on the paper!" ponyboy told johnny, walking into the living room of his house and taking a seat next to his friend.
"who?" johnny asked, taking a peek at the newspaper pony was holding. he smiled upon seeing the black-and-white picture of the girl the gang had spent so much time around before.
the pair read the newspaper, making comments here and there on the answers to the questions. when they had finished reading the last column about the song black beauty they turned to look at each other seemingly connecting some dots in their heads. "do you think she wrote it about dally?" ponyboy asked and before johnny could answer they heard the door open, revealing dallas who was smoking a cigarette.
they turned quiet, dally took notice and saw the newspaper in ponyboys hand. "anything good?" he asked, taking a seat on the couch. "see for yourself," ponyboy answered, handing him the newspaper.
dallas raised an eyebrow at him as he grabbed the paper and read it. he thought it was gonna be some boring story, but his eyes widened as he read your name and about your song.
he regretted leaving you, it was always a constant thought in his head even after two years. the guilt of it ate at him every day, especially when he heard the gang talking about how you hadn’t been doing well after the break-up, they avoided saying your name or mentioning how you were doing, but sometimes when dally would leave for a moment they took it as a chance to talk about you.
it hurt him to know he was the cause of your pain but he knew it would be for the better. he thought you deserved better, somebody who could give you more.
ponyboy and johnny watched him as he read the paper trying to grasp what was going through his mind.
“I’m glad she’s doin’ good.” dallas said, handing the paper back to pony.
“do you think it’s about you?” ponyboy asked. dally looked at him for a moment before replying. “maybe,” he said with a shrug. he knew it was about him, he knew how you wrote poems when something affected you, he thought only this time you chose to make something bigger out of the pain.
although you got where you wanted to be, there was always something missing. you thought of him every day, what he was doing, how he was feeling, if he even remembered you. in every letter you wrote to one of the guys from the gang, you asked about dallas, they all wrote back with seemingly the same response. he was alright, still causing trouble where he could and whatnot.
a few weeks after that interview, johnny received a letter from you. you updated him on the things going on in your life, you asked how he was doing, and what the gang was up to but most importantly you asked him to tell dally you said hello.
johnny kept the letter folded up in the pocket of his jean jacket, waiting for a chance to show it to dallas. the gang decided to go to the drive-in that night, johnny went over to the curtis household to show ponyboy the letter. sodapop was there when johnny got to the house and the boys read the letter.
"are you gonna tell him she said hi?" soda asked, taking a bite of his sandwich. "well she asked me to, so i have to." the boy replied. he nodded and ponyboy chimed in. "do you think he'll take it well?" "possibly, there's no hiding the fact he still cares for her. you saw his face when he read that paper about her." "i think he'll be happy, i know dally likes showing off as tough but you could tell he really loved her. do you remember his face whenever he brought her up? i still don't get why he decided to leave her." the boys agreed with soda and left the conversation at that.
"hey, i got a letter today that you might wanna read." johnny told dally nervously, taking the letter out of his pocket and unfolding it before handing it to him. dally was confused, but he took the letter from johnny and began reading it. he immediately recognized your handwriting and he was even more confused as to why johnny was making him read the letter that was clearly not for dallas, for a moment he thought johnny was taunting him. it wasn't until he got to the last few lines that he realized why johnny had him read it.
he handed the letter back without saying a word and was quiet during the whole movie, the gang quickly noticed but didn't mention it, because they knew why. at the end, when they were walking out, dallas turned to johnny.
"you think you could give me her address so i can write to her?"
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WIBTA
Would I be the asshole if I pull out of being a bridesmaid for my 'best friend'?
Background: E and I became best friends at 13 and we are both about to turn 43. we've been through a million ups and downs together. She has a crappy family and I became friend, sister, mother, support. In the last 15 years or so she has become a functional alcoholic and I have found it harder and harder to deal with her. I've bailed her out so many times. I've 'loaned' her thousands of dollars that I have no expectation of ever seeing again. I've tried to support her and given her advice when she asked for it (even though I knew she would ignore it) and listened to her problems (for hours and hours as she sucked down wine and got drunker and drunker). When she's not a drunken mess she's an awesome person, kind, funny, caring, generous and soberE was usually worth having to put up with dunkE.
Twice in our friendship we've had fights where it's taken us a long time to get back to speaking terms but there would be a text here and a phone call there, then we'd be back to talking for hours every other day. A year ago we had a huge fight and I decided I just needed to not talk to her for a while. I didn't even feel bad about not talking to her, it was almost a luxury to not sit on the phone and listen to her get progressively drunker as she slurped red wine. I did try the old tested route back to close friendship earlier this year. I would send her some texts when something big was happening or when I came across something I knew she'd like. But I would only get 1 or 2 word texts back. In February there was a major flood in our home town and I was freaking out about my family that still lived there - she was not, I felt like I was more worried about her mother than she was, I know they've got a bad relationship but we're talking a bodies floating around kind of situation. I was making multiple 5 hour mercy dashes with car loads of aid supplies and freaking out seeing these places we spent our childhood just destroyed and texting her about it and getting nothing back. I made a couple more efforts to contact her over the next couple of months but still nothing much back. Around May-June I decided I wasn't going to bother contacting her, I'd talk if she contacted me but I wasn't putting in effort anymore.
In September she sent me a text saying she was getting married in Jan 2025 and would I be one of her bridesmaids. I really didn't want to say yes. But almost 30 years of friendship, I felt guilty turning her down. And it felt like an overture on her part, like she was ready to make an effort. So I said yes and have been regretting it since. We are still not really speaking. We'll like each other's FB posts and that's about it. I mean there's still plenty of time for us to become friends again but I'm pretty much decided that if our relationship hasn't improved by the middle of 2024 I'm going to politely back out. It's going to be a backyard DIY wedding, she won't expect me to be heavily involved in the planning because she lives so far away that I couldn't do much more than turn up for the day and stand up with her. Me pulling out won't leave a hole in the planning so I know I wouldn't be an asshole for that. Where I might be an asshole is I think she would be really sad if I'm not there because I am the closest thing she's got to family, I know her mother and step-father won't be there and it's unlikely her brother will be. But I also kinda don't care because I'm sick of making the effort to be there for her when she's not making any effort for me.
So would I be the asshole if I pulled out of the wedding of my friend of 30 years?
What are these acronyms?
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gejo333 · 1 year ago
Text
An Unexpected Match X
Pt. 1 Pt. 11
DBF/DILF Miguel O’Hara x female reader
Summary: Disagreements about children…and…you have to read to find out.
Wc: 5.5k
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The gentle morning cold of the February wind combined with your warm cup of coffee was a perfect balance, as you stare out at the Nueva York skyline from the patio of the apartment.
Since leaving the night of the holiday party, you and Miguel decided to stay for a month in the apartment, in hopes some of the heat of drama has settled down, and also hopes that Sofia would give up.
The month of January with just you, Miguel and Gabi has been a dream. Going out to dinner when neither you or Miguel felt like cooking. It was a perfect routine after the holiday break was over. Majority of the time you and Miguel would drive Gabi to and from school, which was closer back to the neighborhood, but it was a nice drive. Luckily soccer season had not started yet, as you weren't sure if you or Miguel were ready for the judging stares of the neighborhood parents.
Sometimes when you had to go to classes early or the same with Miguel and work one of you would drive her.
Today was a Saturday and the day you were going back to the house. Of course you loved that house, holding already so many memories since you moved in 7 months ago, but if only you could just wipe away the rest of the neighborhood, and stay in the perfect bubble of the O'Hara family.
Another thing that has been happening this past month was Miguel trying to bring up the topic of children. And of course every time he has, you have been lucky enough to avoid it.
Yes, you do want children with Miguel. To give Gabi a little brother or sister. Maybe both. But In a few years, after your done with grad school and start your career. Of course your argument can be easily proven wrong at the strong baby fever you've been having lately. It definitely didn't help when one of Miguel's coworkers, Peter who came to drop something off and had brought his baby daughter Mayday with him. While the two were talking you watched over Mayday. Of course Miguel saw how much you loved spending time with her, and as soon as Peter and Mayday left he brought the topic up. And lucky for you, Gabriel had called him on his phone.
You sigh as you watch your breath, cold enough to see it. Two arms wrapped around your waist as you felt a familiar head rest on your shoulder before bringing you against him as he gently kissed up your neck, before turning your head and placing a gentle kiss to your lips.
"Good morning, mi amor. I didn't see you in bed this morning. You usually only come out here this early if something is on your mind."
You set your cup of coffee down on the table before turning around to face him. Still in his arms you rest your head on his chest, as he rest his head on top of yours. Something you both know calm each other down.
"A few things actually. About going back and having to face everyone. Hoping to god we never see Sofia again. Figuring out how to pay for my last semester at school. And well... the other thing, I feel like we might get into an argument over." You lift your head to look up at him. His brows furrow and a small frown forms, curious about your last sentence.
"You think so? You can tell me, cariño. I'd never get mad at you." Miguel caressed your cheek as he gave you a smile of reassurance. He was right, even the little disagreements you have gotten into in the past, neither of you have ever gotten mad at each other. Maybe a little annoyed, but a quick make out session or fuck usually made the annoyances go away.
"It's about kids. I know you've been trying to talk to me about it for a while now."
"I've noticed you've been trying to avoid that conversation. Is there a reason why?" Miguel chuckled as he put some of your hair behind your ear to see more of your beautiful face.
" When I tell you my answer I don't know if I can handle seeing the disappointment in your eyes." Tears brim the corners of your eyes, which Miguel sees right away as he gently wipes them away.
"Mi amor, please tell me. Please don't cry. It breaks my heart see you upset." Miguel puts both hands on the side of your face, caressing your cheeks and wiping any stray away tears.
"I want to have kids. But not for a while."
"For how long?" You can see the nerves build up inside him, even though you could see he was trying to hide it from you.
"When I'm 29, maybe 30." You bite your lower lip, nervous for his answer.
"So, almost a decade from now?"
"Yeah..." Your heart ached as you could see the pain in his eyes.
"Can I ask why so long from now?"
"Starting my career. If I got pregnant now it would be a lot harder for employers to hire me. It's wrong. But it happens. And I want to go to grad school and I just don't know if I could do that and have a baby. I just don't know if I can balance starting a career and have a baby at the same time. That's why I thought after a couple of years I can handle both."
"I've seen your resume, hermosa it is very impressive. so is your transcript. You have a really good chance at getting hired at Alchamex. And women are treated very well there. They receive great maternity leave. If you worked in my department your boss, Jess, my coworker currently is pregnant."
"Is she 21?" You give him a deadpanned look.
"Well, no. She's 33. But even if she was your age. There would be no difference."
"Miguel, I would be an intern. And the interns are highly competitive with each other there. Oh and by the way, how would they react if they found out that the head of Alchemex's Genetics department is the boyfriend and baby daddy to my child. They would think I slept my way into getting the position."
"Well first off, you would be my wife by the time it happened. And second off, you know you would get the job because of your qualifications not because of me."
"Is this turning into a proposal?" Your eyes widen, chuckling lightly.
"Well, not now. But I love you y/n. I do attend to marry you one day."
"And I love you too Miguel. But don't change the subject. Are you ok with my answer about kids?"
"A decade is a long time. By the time we had one I'll almost be 50 and Gabi would be 15."
"Well, when did you think we were going to have more kids?" You cross you arms as you look up at him.
"I thought maybe by next year we would have a baby." Miguel brushed his fingers through his hair, out of his face.
"So you mean me getting pregnant right after graduation? Miguel that's really soon. It's too soon."
"Well 9 years is too far away. Can we compromise at least a bit?"
"Can we wait to have this discussion after I graduate? Please." You look up at him as you wrap you arms around his neck, pushing your body against him. Miguel wraps his arms around you.
"I know what your doing, hermosa. Trying to distract me from the topic." Miguel looks at you slightly annoyed but with a hint of lust in his eyes.
"I am. But can we please talk about it later. I know this is going to go in an evil cycle at the moment. And it's Saturday. I don't want to get in to an argument today."
"Alright, cariño. We'll talk about it later. But please think about it though."
"I will. Please think about what I said too."
"I will." Miguel leaned down and kissed your lips which you happily returned. You both walked back inside the apartment getting ready to head back.
Everything was packed into the car as you carried a sleepy Gabi in your arms.
"Thank you for packing the car, Rick." Miguel handed the doorman a $100 before getting into the car, while you strap Gabi into her car seat before getting into the passenger seat.
The drive back was in silence, obviously this morning conversation weighing heavily on both of your minds.
By the time you drove down your block you saw an unfamiliar car in front of your house. When Miguel pulled into a drive way, " Maldita sea!" he swore under his breath. You look to him before looking ahead and sigh in frustration. "You have got to be kidding me." (Damn it)
Waiting in your drive way was no other than Sofia.
"Stay in the car." Miguel looked over to you with worry in his eyes, before he turned to look at Sofia with a glare. He gets out of the car and walk towards Sofia. He had closed the car door so you couldn't fully here their conversation, but you could tell that Miguel was getting more frustrated the more Sofia stood there with a care free attitude.
"Mama?" Your eyes widen and turn around as you see Gabi was awake.
"Hi baby bug. How did you sleep?"
"Good. Are we home?"
"Yes, we are sweetie."
"What's Papa doing? Why is that lady there again?" Gabi pouted as she saw her father having a yelling spat with that same strange woman. You saw her begin to tear up. "Oh baby." You quickly get out of the car and make your way to the back as you unbuckle her from her car seat. She balled as she wrapped her arms around your neck. You run her back and whisper in her ear saying, "everything is ok. It's ok baby bug."
Hearing his daughter crying Miguel turned around to see you consoling her with worry and fear in his eyes wanting to know what happened.
"She woke up to you outside the car, and got scared with what's happening. You need to leave Sofia. Your making Gabi upset." You shoot daggers her way, to which she rolled her eyes.
"She's a kid. They cry all the time. I doubt it's because of me. Her mother." Sofia said as she tried to walk up to you to get to Gabi, but you stepped away as you turned Gabi away from her. Miguel stepped in the middle protecting you and Gabi from her stepping any closer.
"Leave Sofia. You have no right to be here. And stop saying your her mother. You're not."
"I'm her biological mother. I have every right to have her in my life. And I'll take you to court to prove my point." Argued Sofia.
"Sure take me to court. I have enough money to fight you. But I have enough evidence to say you didn't want her. Even now you barely care about her. You're upsetting my daughter. Now leave."
"Ugh, whatever. But I'm not done here." Sofia rolled her eyes as she walked back to her car and got in before driving away.
Both you and Miguel's attention went back to Gabi as she still was crying in your arms.
"Come here princesa, I'm sorry you had to wake up to that. Everything's ok now." You briefly gave Gabi to Miguel so that he could console her.
"Papa has to pull the car into the drive way. I'm going to give you back to Mama, ok?" Gabi nodded, still pouting as Miguel gave her a kiss to the top of her head before handing her back to you. You kiss the top of her head as you wiped away the rest of her tears.
"Hey, while Papa parks the car in the garage, what are some things you want to do for your 6th birthday party next week." You say, as you unlock the door to the house and walk inside. A smile graces your lips as Gabi perked up slightly when you mentioned her birthday. While Gabi went on an adorable tangent of different things she wanted to do for her birthday party, you looked at your surroundings, happy to be back.
You head to the living room where you sit on the couch with Gabi still in your arms as she begins to calm down and return to her cheery self.
"Can we do a princess super hero theme?" Gabi raised her head from the crook of your neck as she looked up at you, face tear stained.
"Of course we can do that. I'll start coming up with some ideas and I'll show them to you."
"Yay!" Gabi yawned as she rested her head against your chest.
"Do you want to take a nap?" You asked her which she nodded slightly against you. You smiled as you stood up from the sofa and walked upstairs to her bedroom to tuck her into bed.
When you went back downstairs you heard Miguel in the kitchen. Entering the kitchen you hug him from behind as he drank his coffee. As you rest your head against his back you felt his muscles shift as he move his arm.
"¿Dónde está Gabi?" (Where is Gabi?)
"She got tired after crying so I laid her down in her bed to take a nap." You could tell he was still annoyed, not just at the argument with Sofia but also with you.
"Miguel. I was thinking of what you said earlier..." You felt him tense slightly as he turned around to face you. You saw hope glisten in his eyes. You glance away from him as you move to face against the island counter, contemplating your next words.
"Cariño?" Miguel moved behind you as his hands rested on your hips, encouraging you to turn around to face him, which you did as you looked up into his reddish brown eyes.
"What about 5 years? When I'm 26."
"Is there anyway I could get you down to 3 years?" Miguel added softly with a slight hesitation in his voice. Your gaze shifted from his to the fridge.
Three years? That's wasn't that far from now. But maybe you should consider it. It's not like he's not able to support you. But the thought of being financially dependent on him bothers you, brings chills up your spine. It would make you feel like you were using him, even though that wasn't the truth. You sighed. Maybe you will be doing well with a career in 3 years?
You look back up to him, a smile coming to your lips. "Sure, three years." Your answer brought a wide smile to his face as he leaned down and placed a kiss to your lips. The kiss began to get more heated as Miguel lifted you on to the counter, settling himself between your thighs as he continued to abuse your lips.
"Can we go to our room?" You huff out a breath of air, lips swollen slightly. Miguel nodded as he lifted you from the counter, large hands cupping your ass as you wrap your legs around his waist. Your lips smashed against his as you wrap your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss.
The tension and stress between the you both of you didn't get you upstairs as you pass through the living room Miguel decides to lay you on the sofa, with him over you. He pressed his lips to yours, "thank you for compromising, hermosa. You'll be an amazing mother." Miguel said as he kiss down your neck to his shirt that you borrowed this morning as he unbuttons it, throwing it to the ground when it's off of you. He loved it when you put on his clothes.
"I know you'll be an amazing father. You're already such a great one now." If eyes could physically turn into hearts that's what Miguel would look like after your words, as his heart is filled with so much love for you.
His lips moved down to your now bra less chest as he latches on to one of your nipples. A moan escapes you as you comb your fingers through his black curls.
You help pull off your leggings, knowing that if you didn't get them off sooner you knew Miguel would rip them off as he has in the past. Miguel helped you pull them off before ripping your panties off. In the past you would get annoyed by it, but now you always by them in bulk. Cause no matter how many times you tell him to just take them off, his sexual urge to be inside you always makes him forget, or not care. But seconds after they are off your forget as you feel your self get stretched by his large girth.
Your hands move on to his shoulders as they lightly claw his back. "Fuck baby, you're tight. Relax for me, cariño."
You felt your pleasure course through your limbs,  now relaxed as you slightly move your hips to gain friction, signally for Miguel to move. He removed himself until the tip before thrusting completely into you with the snap of his hips, making you gasp out a moan.
As Miguel continued his assaults to your pussy he lifted your hips, gaining a new position inside you. You clamp your hand over your mouth to quiet your moans. You felt every one of his ridges move against your gummy walls, while his tip hit your g-spot continuously. Miguel removed your hand from your mouth as he held both of your wrists above your head with one of his.
"No mi amor. I want to hear your beautiful voice." Miguel groaned as his forehead pressed against yours.
"B-but Gabi." You managed to let out.
"It's fine, she's all the way upstairs." Miguel kissed your lips as they moved down to your neck as he began to suck against the sweet spot, letting out another gasp.
Miguel's pace quickened as he continued to ram into you. He was fucking you so hard you thought you felt your insides become messed up. Miguel looked down towards your torso. He felt his cock grew harder as he saw himself physically stretch out your insides.
"Fuck, I can never get enough of this amazing pussy. I can't wait to see this belly swollen with my children. I can't wait till you bare my children, mi amor. Te quiero tanto, hermosa." Miguel said in your ear, making your heart swell with love.
"I love you too, Miggy. So much." You felt your core twist in a knot before releasing, as you moan out loud from your climax. Not long after Miguel thrusted deep inside, balls slapping against you as he spills deep inside you, making your inner walls white and filling you until it starts to spill out of you.
He pulls out as he took a deep breath, placing a loving kiss to your lips before parting as his forehead rested on yours.
After resting on the sofa after your love making Miguel lifts you from the sofa and carries you to the master bathroom, where he turned on the Roman-size bath.
When it was ready he carries you into the water, where he found a place to sit and rested against the wall of the bath resting his arms on the sides as you rested your back against him. You both stayed there in perfect silence, showing small affections of love with kisses and  small loving touches until fatigue took over your body as your eyes closed falling asleep.
—————————
Two days before Gabi’s birthday
“Yay! We’re here!” Gabi cheered as she helped the popular cartoon gift bag in her hands as she ran up to the front door of the house.
You and Miguel smiled down at her excited attitude. Today was one of her close friends birthday party, sadly it was at Ms. Johnson’s house. The woman always got on your nerves, as she tried to flirt with Miguel every second she could. And in front of you too. Of course, no one knew you two were dating. This was your first appearance as a couple, so you were curious if she soul try to do the same thing.
After Gabi rang the doorbell the door opened revealing your favorite person.
“Ah the O’Hara’s and Y/n. How nice to see you again.” Ms. Johnson said with a the most fakest smiles, it took all of your will power not to roll your eyes. She welcomed the three of you inside as Gabi wandered off the the backyard where the rest of the kids were.
With a hand on your lower back you and Miguel followed Ms. Johnson to the living room where other parents talked while sipping on cocktails and eating snacks. When you both entered many parents stared, one whispering to the other, “I can’t believe he’s with Sam and Sarah’s daughter. I’m shocked they even showed up here.”
“I know. Especially after what went down at the holiday party. He’s so attractive. He could literally have anyone and he chooses this girl?”
You tried your best to pretend you didn’t hear the conversation as you kept your smile on your face. The audacity of some of these people. They should just mind their own damn business.
“Would you care for any drinks? Y/n are you old enough to drink?” Smiled Ms. Johnson as she looked at you.
“Yes I am. Maybe you had two many glasses of wine since you can’t seem to remember my age. You should slow down.” You smile as you hear Miguel trying to stifle a chuckle along with a few other people in the room.
“I’ll get you two a glass of wine.” Ms. Johnson smiled before leaving the room.
Miguel leaned down to whisper into your ear, “We’ll have a glass of wine and then we’ll say we have to go to another event for my job.” You turn to look up at him with a smile. “Sounds like a good escape plan.” Miguel returns your smile as he leaves a kiss to your cheek.
“Hey, so like what is it that makes you interested in a guy like Miguel. He is like over a decade older than you.” Said one of Gabi’s classmates dads as he walks over to you.
“Ryan, you can’t just say stuff like that. It’s rude.” Scolded his wife next to him. “I’m sorry about him. He’s had a few too many beers.” She chuckled.
“No, but I’m serious. Cause like y/n your freaking hot. Why be with a man so much older? Yeah ok, Miguel you keep yourself in shape man. But like, I just don’t get it. Like I’m 6 years younger than you Miguel, yet I don’t have a young hot babe beside me. Ah, maybe it’s the money.”
Your eyes widen from his words.
“You listen here. You’re lucky there are kids around us or my fist would be in your face. If I ever here you disrespect my girlfriend again, you’ll deeply regret it.” Miguel got into the man’s face sending him a deathly glare as his voice turns into a serious tone. Giving the guy a slight scare he raised his arms up in surrender as he moved away from Miguel.
“Maybe it’s best if you and Ryan leave.” Said Ms. Johnson as she came back into the room with two glasses of wine for you and Miguel. How you so desperately wanted to drink this glass in one swoop.
The couple left to your relief, but you still weren’t comfortable as he wasn’t the only one thinking that same thing about you and Miguel.
After talking with these unbearable people for a hellish hour, Miguel finally decided that it’s time to go.
“We’re going to head out. We have another event to go to.”
“Aww alright, well I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” Ms. Johnson smiled flirtatiously towards Miguel wondering if he was picking Gabi up up after the sleepover.
“I am actually. So I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.” You smile as you take Miguel’s empty wine glass and hand her both of your glasses. He smile faltered before being replaced with a fake one.
“Perfect. Well…I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Until then.” You return her fake smile before you and Miguel left the living room to give Gabi a quick goodbye before you both left the house.
Walking a block from the house you say, “oh god, was that unbearable. I swear these people are just like on drugs or something, this neighborhood is just so nosy and rude!” You laugh, hysterical from the event.
“Yeah, that was pretty bad in there.” Miguel chuckled before he silently snuck up on you and lifted you up by the waist, wrapping his arms around you before placing a big kiss to your cheek. You let out a laugh as he continued kissing your face and neck. “Miggy, wait till we get home.”
“I can’t help myself mi amor. Now that our relationship is public I want the whole world to know how much I love you.” Miguel kissed your lips one more time, before setting you down. You intertwine your fingers with his as you hold his hand walking the rest of the way back home.
———————-
The day of Gabi’s birthday
“Good morning baby bug! Happy Birthday!” You smile as you sit on the bed beside her.
“Here is a first gift out of many princesa.” Miguel handed her a new stuffed kitty cat animal. After sitting up Gabi hugged the stuffed animal. “Thank you Papa! I love it! I’m going to name her snowball!”
“Such a cute name for a cute kitty.” You smile as you brush strands of hair out of her face. Miguel lifted Gabi out of bed as he hung her upside down on his shoulders.
“Oh no Gabi, the house turned upside down!” Said Miguel as he walked her out of her room and downstairs towards the kitchen.
“Papa, I’m the one that’s upside down.” Gabi giggled from her fathers words. You chuckled along with them as you followed them down to the kitchen where a stack of pancakes topped with berries and whipped cream smiley face and finally a candle.
When all three of you entered the kitchen Miguel flipped her right up and sat her on the kitchen counter chair.
“One last thing.” You say as you get the lighter to light the candle. Once lit both you and Miguel sing Happy Birthday in Spanish before she blew out the candle.
“I wished for everything to stay at it is.” Gabi smiled as she swooped a strawberry in the whip cream and ate it.
“I couldn’t agree more princesa.” Miguel smile as he kissed the top of her head.
After eating together as a family, Miguel went to go get ready for work as he needed to attend an early meeting.
“Ok my two favorite girls. I’ll see you both after work and we’ll celebrate your 6th birthday at your favorite restaurant, princesa.” Miguel walked back into the kitchen in his suite.
“Yay!” Gabi raised her hands in excitement. You chuckled as you saw her face was covered in whipped cream and syrup. You grab a wet cloth and wipe her face before kissing the top of her head.
“Goodbye princesa.” Miguel kissed the top of her head as Gabi wrapped her arms around his neck to give him a small hug.
“Bye bye papa. Love you!”
“Love you too.”
He then walked over to you as he wrapped an arm around your waist pulling you against him as he gives you a loving goodbye kiss.
“Goodbye cariño. Have a nice day with classes. I’ll see you later.”
“Goodbye. Have a good day at work. I’ll pick up Gabi from school.”
Miguel looked at you and Gabi one more time with a wide happy smile before leaving.
The entire work day was chaotic as he had no time to take a break until now.
Miguel smiled wide as he entered the luxury store. He gazed around before his eyes darted towards his main mission here.
“Welcome Sir. How may I help you?” Said the stores salesman as he greeted Miguel with a welcoming smile.
“I’m here to buy an engagement ring.”
“Wonderful! We have a great selection. What’s your price range?”
“Can I see your most valued rings?”
The store clerk eyes widen and smile grew bigger, “Of course. Follow me this way. We keep our nice items in a private room.” The salesman gestured for Miguel to follow him.
After some time and looking through a vast amount of rings, Miguel eyes landed on the one. The one you knew would be perfect. Because you were perfect. And you deserved the best.
“This is the one.”
“That’s an excellent choice Mr. O’Hara. That’s one lucky woman.”
“I’m the lucky one.” Miguel smiled as he held the ring in his hands, so small compared to
his large hands. Just like your hands when they’re intertwined in his.
“Thank you for your purchase. Please feel free to reach out if you have an questions or concerns about your purchase. Have a nice day.”
“You too. Thank you.” Miguel left the store, stopping a few feet away to open the box and look at the ring again.
His phone went off. Miguel rolled his eyes thinking it was work as he close the ring box and put it in his coat pocket before he took his phone out of his pocket. The number calling was unfamiliar, but he press the green button, deciding to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hi. Is this Mr. O’Hara speaking?”
“Yes. Who is this?”
“This is Nueva York Medical. You were listed as Ms. Y/n L/n emergency contact?”
“Y-yes.” Miguel’s heart stopped before rapidly beating against his chest as his stomach dropped.
“She was in a car accident.”
————————————————————————
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Text
Calling all Octo-Agents!
Yes! You! Please read till the end, and if you don't have the patience/energy for it rn, come back later! It'll be worth it I promise!
So the holidays are now pretty much over, (except for New Years ofc, but I digress.) meaning I've been looking for new ways to improve my Au. You see, it's come to my attention that I'm not as organized or as thorough as I thought I was.
I've created a lot of lore/characters for this Au, but not very many people really know what's going on anymore. Even I get lost, and it's been a little frustrating ngl. So, seeing as this blog is officially over a year old, I think it's time to "fix" my mistakes and take a new approach.
Ya'll might've noticed that I've been slowing down on content. I haven't been spending as much time on my art, meaning the quality (well I wouldn't say it's gotten worse) hasn't been as strong as some others I've created in the past.
(Don't get me wrong, I'm not making a resolution for the new year, that's dumb and we all know those never last.)
So here's what I'm promising instead since this clearly is the only thing I'm allowed to work on at the moment (not saying I don't have other projects, but if I want to actually publish this story at any point I'm going to have to spend as much time as I can on it, meaning I have to make some sacrifices - RIP my FNaf's & Undertale fanfics)
1. Full Character Redesigns
Taking all the core characters (The Octonauts / Octo-Agents / Y.N. & Fae / The A.S.A. / C.L.A.D.E. / etc.) and giving them a full reference sheet with details, headcanons, and an updated design.
Creating family/relationship tree for those characters (parents/siblings/love interests/etc.)
Family/Team “Photos”
Crossovers (I will still be doing multiple crossovers and soon they will get their very own redesigns!)
2. Updating the Master Post
3. Updating the “Pinned” Blog Post
For reference this will no longer be the current top post with all of the A.S.A. members, but a poster I will create for the fanfic to make the blog appear cleaner. (I won’t delete that post I’m just going to unpin it since the designs are old and not as useful as they used to be)
4. Asks will open January 1st, but I will not start answering any asks before February 1st!
That is so I can properly prepare and reevaluate the blog’s content so there is more information available to anyone who wants to ask questions for the Octonauts/Octo-Agents.
5. A.S.A.’s Rating & Genre (Fanfic)
This story will now be classified as Cryptozoological Fiction, with partial Horror / Science Fiction & will be drawing straight from Folklore & Mythology. (For “Sci-Fi” don’t think space/aliens, think Cryptids in a scientifically evolved world.)
The rating is now PG-14
(Poll Results)
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6. Fanfiction
This is really for the fanfiction itself. I’m still trying to figure out how to go about this. As of this current moment I have 1, maybe 2 chapters written out, and soon I hope to have more. However I am my own editor/beta reader, so it might not be as polished as I’d like to be, but I’m just going to have to accept that.
Unless I can find a bunch of people who can do that stuff for me, for fun, that’s the state this story will be in. You’ll have to have patient with me, I’m using all the tools I have at my disposal (Grammarly, Google Docs, LibreOffice, etc.) but I am a human with heavy ADHD and reading/comprehension disabilities, so please be kind.
7. Weekly Posts
I will still be posting weekly, just not on Tuesdays. I realize it’s only been stressing me out to post on that day every week and so I’ve been abusing my attempts at a proper sleep schedule because of it. I still work a very busy retail job and will have to get a secondary job sometime soon, so unfortunately you’ll just have to add me to your notifications if you want to know when I’ve posted.
8. The Future . . .
This one is for anyone who’s gotten this far. I want you to know that the Octonauts still mean so much to me. Even if we aren’t getting updates anymore, the community is still somewhat alive even if it's only a few of us. Maybe one day we’ll get our kickstart, but for now I will continue making content until I’m satisfied with the story and it’s ending. If I stray every now and then, that’s just because I have the attention span of a goldfish with a million hobbies and fandoms that constantly need attention. I love you guys and I promise to do my very best to make my mark on the internet, even if it’s for a silly kids show about talking/walking/nerdy animals who save fish every day.
9. January's Posting Plan
Week 1: Finishing the Octonaut's Headcanons
Week 2: My Christmas gift to the Community
Week 3: Silly Y/N & Fae Content (No it doesn't make sense, deal with it)
Week 4: Screencap Redraw
Week 5: Starting Redesigns
If you made it this far . . . here's a cookie and the secret formula.
🍪🍾
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susandsnell · 1 month ago
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i saw wicked today too and loved it! what did you think? (was i the only one who went "oh shit" out loud in the theater when That Cameo happened?)
well i may or may not have just gotten out of my second viewing of it in three days some fourish hours ago, so that should be some indication!
hiya bestie! sorry for the delays on this, things have been thinging and life has been lifing. I'll admit that as early as February I was not looking forward to this movie or its promised follow-up. Splitting it into parts confused me, I was dubious over some of the casting, the visuals, the lighting, and the use of CG, and was being a bit of a hater over the trailers. However, every hater worth their salt should eat crow when they're wrong, and wow was I ever wrong. I couldn't have been more wrong, actually, because I'll go so far as to say (though I have high high hopes for Nosferatu later this month)! that Wicked Part One was my favourite movie of 2024. Extended (gushing) quasi-organized thoughts under the cut, because like Elphaba, no I never stop talking.
Bit of background, I've been lucky enough to see the show live twice, plus countless bootlegs/the cast album being the soundtrack to my life since I was nine. I know the script, the score, and the lyrics back to front. So you can imagine how shocked/pleased I was to find that the movie retained just about everything! I know people are giving mixed reviews about the extended scenes/runtime, but honestly the Oz they gave us (which I'll get to momentarily) was so wonderful and the cast so wholly inhabiting of their roles that I could not get enough of the world and these characters. I also thought they fixed several plotholes/added depth and stakes to a lot of arcs from the musical with their changes, especially with respect to the villains.
Visually, the film is an absolute treat; the colour grading/lighting does have the unfortunate modern fantasy film vibe to it, but the sets, practical props/effects, and costumes more than make up for it. That rotating library portico set? Let me live there! The Wizard's invitation?? The choreography was fantastic and every dancing scene was shot so so beautifully. My only complaint really is the CGI; the animals looked really fakey and goofy, particularly poor Dr. Dillamond, to the point that my entire theater was cracking up when his little goat ears wilted at the blackboard scene during my first viewing. Which is...not really the reaction you want to go for with a scene that's supposed to be depicting a hate crime.
The costumes in particular were a standout; Paul Tazewell's work is so stunning (Morrible's gowns, the revised Popular dress, and Elphaba's little pirate academia number when she gets her Emerald City invite) that I feel comfortable saying with the exception of Glinda's Junon-takeoff bubble dress (because it's just so iconic), they vastly outdo the stage version's costumes. He needs an Oscar for this yesterday and I'm not kidding.
The performances!!! Oh my gosh! Everyone sounding great and there being good mixing?? in a musical movie made after 2007??? Who'd've thought!!! My only complaint musically was, unfortunately, during Defying Gravity. In the stage show there's like 2 pauses in the song for plot to happen (Morrible's call-out and making the broom fly), and through that iirc they keep the instrumental going. Today, at my second viewing, I counted like....6-7 pauses where the song just outright stops, including two instances where they play different sad piano music altogether and give Elphaba this big suit-up superhero moment because book cover nod I guess, and healing her inner child, and it was kind of a pain because part of what makes Defying Gravity such a memorable piece is its momentum and when you stop the song to do something else, the momentum really dies. With that said, all eight parts of Defying Gravity were, in each pocket, performed to perfection.
I had high hopes for Cynthia Erivo vocally, but was dubious about an apparently more earnest, innocent Act 1 Elphaba as opposed to the stage version which I'm more used to, where she's a lot more of a Daria type. However, I was so pleased to find that she deepened the aching tragedy of the character with this take, especially opposite a more sinister and insidious Wizard + Morrible, and her takes on these songs, her vocal choices, her runs...heavenly. Ariana Grande pleasantly surprised me as being much cuter and funnier than I expected, and her surprise option ups during Popular were an absolute treat. Jonathan Bailey was as charming and talented as any Fiyero worth his salt (also loved how casually they made him bisexual?), Jeff Goldblum as the Wizard killed me (especially since they played him as simultaneously more of a huckster conman and an Evil Walt Disney, and it worked), but the show-stealer was Michelle Yeoh as Morrible for my money.
From the moment Morrible swoops in to smoothly cover for Elphaba's power explosion, knowing what it would mean to her to be spared social ruin, I was on the edge of my seat with such a different take on what's usually just kind of a comic relief diva character. Michelle Yeoh's effortless grace and elegance command screen presence. But the slow creep of her goading Elphaba into intensifying her powers while playing the sympathetic ear/mother figure/mentor only to make the betrayal hit that much harder (I genuinely choked up during the cut to Elphie's face when she hears her saying that her skin is a manifestation of her twisted nature), to say nothing of dangling her approval over Glinda until becoming the shoulder for her to cry on at the end of Defying Gravity...my god. chills. Forget Gelphie, shoutout to all the teenage sapphics with something deeply, deeply wrong with them who are going to have an awakening over this chillingly manipulative milfy sorceress who presents herself as a twisted maternal figure and intellectual colleague.
On the note of Gelphie -- oh my god??? A homoerotic swordfight during What Is This Feeling - are you KIDDING???? They amped it up from the stage show if anything; the Ozdust sequence brought me to tears, and then ended with them joining hands and running off together and leaving Fiyero behind like???? The amount of times they fell over each other? Glinda's thousand-yard stare during No One Mourns The Wicked, Elphaba's longing/fond glances....the love note, are you kidding me. They were baby's first yuri for me so seeing them on the big screen played with such natural chemistry by Cynthia and Ariana warmed my heart and got me super emotional. Sidenote, okay, not to be the boss baby guy about Carrie, but with the changes/additions, Elphaba is kind of Carrie White now and I'm here for it? From the visions to the explosions to baby Elphie already having her powers in the flashbacks...and then you get to the Ozdust scene, and the extended cruelty towards her plays very much as Elphaba's They're All Gonna Laugh At You Moment...only for Glinda to swoop in and dance with her as the Sue Snell, so yeah, we now have fantasy CarrieSue in Oz. We won so hard.
Last bit, to address your point about the cameos -- I really was worried that I'd be cringing at all the lore tie-ins with the '39 Wizard of Oz or the Broadway cameos or any of the other fanservice, but it all tied in and flowed so smoothly at most I was rolling my eyes affectionately rather than in exasperation (the Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead tie-in to No One Mourns The Wicked was shockingly seamless). Stephen Schwartz being the one to invite them to see the wizard got me properly emotional!! Idina and Kristin were hilarious and 10/10 diva legends as always, and the extended Wiz-O-Mania propaganda play/Grimmerie Lore Dump is both a visual and auditory treat. The original Glinda showing up to tell Ari to shut the fuck up during her song got maybe the biggest laugh of the movie out of me, but then they had Idina doing her end of defying gravity 'aaaaaaah ah ahhhh' Elphaba War cry riff as a heehe gag just like...20ish minutes before Cynthia!Elphaba is going to do it for real. Which had me in stitches because it plays then as either subversion of the wizard's propaganda in finding her voice, or Elphaba's a theatre kid and said yeah that was a sick riff I heard 2 hours ago, I'm going to incorporate it into my political loudmouthing after nearly being assassinated 20 times. Fuck you, Oz man, I'm stealing your propaganda riff!
What an ending. What a movie. Can't wait for part 2.
Thanks for asking! <3 hope you're well.
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sunny44 · 1 year ago
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I will always love you
Pairing: Pierre Gasly x dead!girlfriend
Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of a car accident, mourning, hospital, morgue, cemetery and other things related to death.
Summary: It’s Pierre’s birthday and he’s ready to celebrate after a long day of simulator, but that day ends up in horrible way.
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February 7, 2019.
My birthday.
I've never been as excited to celebrate a birthday as I am this year.
It was the first time that my girlfriend Y/n would be celebrating with me, since almost every year I’m racing and she can’t come to wherever I am.
Unfortunately I had to spend the day in the simulator but it was finally over and I was on my way home when I saw that she was calling me.
"Hi love, I know I shouldn't be talking on the phone and driving but..."
"I'm sorry, are you related to Miss Y/n Y/l/n?"
"Yes, she's my girlfriend, who's this?" I ask strangely.
"This is the hospital and Miss Y/N has been in a serious car accident."
"What? Is she all right?" I ask in despair.
"I'm sorry but I can't give you this kind of information on my cell phone, please if you could come over now."
"I'll be right there."
I sped up as much as I could and when I got there I saw her mother crying desperately, clinging to her father who was trying his best to hold back his tears.
"No." I said and they looked at me and I fell to my knees on the floor completely unresponsive.
...
"Excuse me." A nurse appeared. "I'm sorry to have to do this right now but we need someone to recognize the body."
"I can't, I can't do that." Her mother started crying in despair again.
"Pierre." Her father called out to me and I closed my eyes tightly, knowing what was coming next. "I know it's too much to ask and that because of our relationship I don't have the right to ask you for anything, but please, can you do this for us?”
"I'll do it." I say without looking at him and stand up following the nurse.
Her parents hated me, especially her father.
He used to say that I didn't deserve his daughter, I thought that was just at first since we know how fathers are with their daughters but he's hated me since he first met me and has always made a point of making his feelings for me clear.
He loved F1 until his daughter fall in love with one, so I became the inconsequential boyfriend who drove a car in circles and that I would only hurt her and that if I died on the track doing something so stupid it was just to make her suffer, leaving her to mourn a guy who didn't deserve his daughter.
When we arrived at the morgue, I stood in front of the glass window and saw only a body completely covered by a black thing, the coroner was in the room waiting for me to say yes so she could show it to me. I just nodded and she lifted the tarpaulin to show me. Tears instantly started rolling down my eyes, there she was, with pale skin, her face lifeless and her skin all bruised.
I didn't even have to say anything, I think my cry echoing through the cold, empty room said it all.
And not being able to stand it any longer, I just left and went back to where her parents were, who also knew what it meant just by seeing me.
"I'm sorry Pierre, I'm sorry for everything that happened between us."
"There's no point now." I said, shushing him. "I loved your daughter like I've never loved anyone else in my life, I always treated her like a queen and the only things I ever heard from you were criticisms. You don't know how many times your daughter cried on my lap because her father didn't even pretend to like me, so no, I won't accept your apologies right now. Because now that she's gone you feel guilty, you feel guilty because she died the way you said that it would happen to me. Ironic, isn't it?"
Having said that, I left and the last time I saw them was on the day of the funeral and then never again.
...
February 7th, 2023.
My birthday.
Another one I won't be celebrating.
Since February 7, 2019, I've never celebrated it. It never made sense for me to celebrate my life when it was actually gone.
"Mate, you have to celebrate your birthday, let's go out and drink, I’ll pay." Charles said.
"I told you I don't want to." I replied for the thousandth time.
"You have to stop not wanting to do anything every year, you have to enjoy your life."
"I've already said no, I don't want to go out and celebrate something that no longer makes sense." He doesn’t say anything. "It doesn't seem right to go out and celebrate my life when someone I loved has been taken away from me in the same day."
"I know you miss her and that her death has left a lot of marks on you and even worse that it happened on your birthday but she wouldn't want you to live the rest of your life in mourning."
"I can't, I can't celebrate, okay?" Charles sighs, seeing that I'm crying. "So please stop asking."
"It's okay." He hugged me and I collapsed.
...
I entered the cemetery with her favorite flowers and as I got closer I saw her parents, it had been years since I last saw them in the funeral.
"Pierre." Her father said as soon as he saw me standing there.
"Mr. Y/l/n."
"How long." Now her mother says.
"A long time." I follow without wanting to talk to them too much. "I'll be back in a little while."
"No need, we've been here for a while and we'll leave you alone." Her father says, taking her mother's hand. "Happy birthday."
"Without the happy part but thank you." He gives a half-smile and they leave.
I sat down in front of her grave and left the flowers there.
"Hi, my love." I could already feel the tears forming in my eyes. "It's been a while since I last came here. I feel like every time I come here it's like I lose you a little bit more.
I've been thinking lately about what Charles said and it's taken me a while to accept that he was right, I know I'll never get over you because I'm sure you were and still are the love of my life but I've deprived myself of so many things for so long that I feel like all I do is work and go home and I know that as well as being unhealthy you wouldn't want me to live like that, you'd want me to be happy again, to live a happy life and try to find love again. Charles has insisted every year that we have to go out to celebrate my birthday but I never do, I never do because it feels wrong but I'm going to celebrate today, I'm going to celebrate my life and remember yours."
I got up and left a kiss on the headstone.
"I loved you yesterday, I love you today and I will love you till the day I die." I smiled and left, picking up my cell phone.
"Hey, man." Charles says as soon as he answers his cell phone.
"Where are we celebrating today?"
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umlewis · 11 months ago
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lewis hamilton during the press conference on day three of pre-season testing, bahrain - february 23, 2024 (transcript under the cut)
Journalist: "What changed between the summer and the decision to make the call for Ferrari?" Lewis: "Obviously in summer we signed and obviously I, at that time, saw my future with Mercedes, but an opportunity came up in the new year and I decided to take it. It was obviously the hardest decision I think I've ever had to make. Obviously I've been with Mercedes for… I think it's, like, 26 years they've supported me, and we've had an absolutely incredible journey together. We've created history within the sport, and it's something I take a lot of pride in. I'm very proud of what we've achieved. But I think ultimately I'm writing my story, and I felt like it was time to start a new chapter." [time jump] Lewis: "For every driver, I think, growing up, watching the history, watching Michael Schumacher in his prime, I think probably all of us sit in our garage and see the screen pop up and you see the driver in the red cockpit and you wonder what it'd be like to be surrounded by the red. You go to the Italian Grand Prix and you see the sea of red, of Ferrari fans, and you can only stand in awe of that, and it's a team that's not had huge success, really, since… Mostly, obviously, from Michael's days, but since 2007, and I saw it as a huge challenge, and without a doubt… Even as a kid, I used to play on GP2 as Michael in that car, so it definitely is a dream and I'm really, really excited about it." Interviewer: "Lewis, have you ever been to Maranello? Lewis: "I have not. I bought my first Ferrari in 2010, I think. That was my first present to myself. I don't have it anymore, but I didn't get to go during that time. Being with Mercedes, I didn't think it was a good look to go, at the time." Journalist: "Are you on Duolingo already? Are you planning to have lessons? What's the game plan with that? Thank you." Lewis: "In all these years, I've not managed to learn any other languages, so… But of course I will definitely try. I do remember when I was karting in Italy and I was able to pick up a few lines, and so hopefully that will come back to me pretty quickly. But just to go back to, just about the new chapter… This chapter's still not finished. I'm still 100% focused on delivering for this team this year and trying to finish on a high. That's a big, big goal for me and the team, and I have absolute faith in everyone in the team and, what we've done so far, I think it's great, so I really hope that we are somehow able to close the gap to the Red Bulls, somehow." Journalist: "Can you tell us a little bit about your relationship with Fred? How important was he in your decision? Was he the only guy that could have convinced you to go there?" Lewis: "I've got a great relationship with Fred. Obviously I raced with him in Formula 3, and we had amazing success in Formula 3 and also in GP2, and that's really where the foundation of our relationship started, and we just always remained in touch. And I thought that he was gonna be an amazing team manager at some stage and progress to Formula 1, but at the time he wasn't interested in that, and it was really cool to see him step into the Alfa team, and then when he got the job at Ferrari I was just so happy for him. And I think just the stars aligned. It really wouldn't have happened without him, so I'm really grateful and really excited about the work that he's doing there and… Yeah."
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