#and i'm thinking about college like man that shit was wild

[lovesodeepandwideandwell]

College really will have you putting up with indignities

[butchhamlet]

do you have any good shakespeare retelling book recs?

what a beautiful time to ask this, says guy who has left this ask collecting cobwebs in his inbox for months! because guess who has two thumbs and just finished queen goneril by erin shields! WHAT a fucking play, holy SHIT, this is some of the best characterization of the lear sisters that i've ever read and the exploration of womanhood as filtered through class + race + shitty families + political maneuvering is so so so good. also the things shields does with the og playtext... chef's fucking KISS

anyway, recency bias aside, i've been meaning to make a post about my favorite shakespeare retellings for a while, and i think i never actually did it because i wanted to make a lear retelling ranking list and then i never read some of the ones on my TBR. so whatever. the learlist will happen someday. here are my favorites in general. (here is my goodreads shelf for the retellings i've read, good and bad, and here is the shelf for the ones i have yet to read.)

in no particular order:

a thousand acres by jane smiley: outsold. epitome of what makes an effective retelling--a book that clearly has something to say about and to the original text, but that also isn't afraid to diverge, to exclude here and zoom in there. ungraciously, this is "lear on a farm" and it starts a little slow, but holy fucking shit, i can't do justice in a paragraph to the way this book unraveled me. one of the best books of all time mayhaps. also, introduced the edmund character by describing his ass. 10/10

the last true poets of the sea by julia drake: i don't read that much YA anymore but jesus fucking christ. books tailored for me specifically. twelfth night retelling about siblings + mental illness + being bisexual + love triangles that actually make sense (emotions are confusing!) instead of being contrived + beautiful description + excellent dialogue + THE MENTAL ILLNESS. books that made me start crying in zoom class in 2020

rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead by tom stoppard: kind of a cop-out answer because we all know this one. but that does not detract from how good it is. this is one of those plays, at least for me, that makes me think, "ohhhhhh, THIS is what theater can do. this is using its medium to the absolute utmost." it is so clever and it makes me want to cry. i think about "i don't know. it's the same sky" more often than i can say

american moor by keith hamilton cobb: not exactly a retelling, but a one-man play about a Black man auditioning for the lead role in Othello, tangling as he does with his relationship with shakespeare's work and cultural dominance. suuuuuch a good fucking play even beyond the analysis of othello (which is excellent); the language is so fucking incredible. everyone who likes shakespeare should read this.

teenage dick by mike lew: modern teenage richard iii; this one's more reimagining than retelling, because it diverges pretty sharply from the plot of richard iii, but god, it's so fucking fun. and upsetting! really upsetting also.

foul is fair by hannah capin: i will be so real. i read this in high school and some of the YA books i've revisited since did not hold up for me. so idk if i can tell you this is "good" with my full chest. but the pitch is "lady macbeth gets sexually assaulted at a party and decides to fucking kill the boys who did it" and i stayed up until like 1am to finish it because it was such a vicious gleaming wild ride

the stars undying by emery robin: does this count? hard to say, because it's just as much a retelling of roman history than shakespeare's antony and cleopatra (honestly, more, since it focuses on the era where caesar and cleopatra were lovers, which is before shakespeare's play). but i'm counting it anyway because it's bisexual space opera cleopatra and it's the best book i've read so far in 2024 and it's making me crazy and i'm writing a thesis on it < genuinely

peerless by jihae park: macbeth, but college applications, featuring asian macbeths (they're twin sisters >:3) who think their classmate has taken their place in their dream school because of affirmative action/DEI. this play is absolutely VICIOUS. it's macbeth x heathers. think it mirrors macbeth in faltering a little in its final stretch, but it still fucks hard

the wednesday wars by gary d. schmidt: okay, not a retelling; this is about a preteen boy in the 60s. but it's one of the best most genuine and heartwarming books i've ever read and it manages to be hilarious while also foregoing cheap slapstick punching-low humor for a hell of a lot of warmth and passion. and the main character interacts with shakespeare a lot as a running theme so i can justify putting it on this list. #evangelizing

of course, i would be remiss not to mention that @suits-of-woe / @mjulianwrites has written the best take on Two Gentlemen of Verona to ever exist, and i mean that quite seriously. unfortunately it hasn't been published yet so we'll all just have to prayer-circle about it. i would also be remiss not to take the opportunity to. uh. coughs. do a bit of casual self-promo. if you 1. have ocd 2. have gender or 3. think about malvolio a lot. boy do i have the novella for you

will definitely add to this when i read more retellings; feel free to drop recs in the tags/replies/reblogs/my askbox!

[sissylittlefeather]

Heartbreaker

A/N: I'm frantically working on the kinktober ficlets, but I had to take a break and write something I could publish 😂. I've had this idea to write something based on the song Heartbreaker for a while and finally decided to write it. Thanks to @ccab and @atleastpleasetelephone for encouraging me with this one. This is an AU set in 1984 where Elvis is a lifeguard at a public pool. Think Billy from Stranger Things, but it's Elvis...

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, cussing, kissing, fingering, oral sex (both receiving), p in v penetrative sex, unprotected sex, ejaculation

Word count: ~3.2k

It's 1984, 4 days after your 36th birthday. You look through your sunglasses for your kids in the public pool. Jennifer, your 12 year old daughter, is sitting on the edge of the pool with friends, talking and laughing. You remember what it was like to be young and innocent and hopeful. Now you're here, married to a man who gives you a stable living but doesn't go out of his way to do much more, with two kids who keep you so busy you haven't been able to start the career you had planned when you got married right out of college. Your 10 year old son, Brian, runs up to you and yanks the headphone from your Walkman out of your ear.

"Mom, can I get a popsicle?"

"Sure, bud. Here." You dig a dollar out of your bag and hand it to him and he bounds off with his friends. He's a little wild and it exhausts you more than you care to admit. Rearranging your headphones, you settle back against the beach chair and close your eyes as the music bumps in your ears. It's your favorite song: Heartbreaker by Pat Benatar. You have a hard time not singing along, so your toes bounce to the beat.

From across the pool, Elvis sees you spread out on your beach towel in your hot pink and turquoise one piece. He notices your feet moving as you mouth words to whatever song is playing in your headphones. His eyes drift up and down your body. You're older than he is, he can tell, but it can't be by much, not with the way your figure looks in a swimsuit. He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and decides to make you his next conquest.

You're finally resting peacefully when your friend Carol grabs your shoulder and shakes you. You open your eyes and move your headphones reluctantly.

"What?"

"He's coming over here!" She's somewhere between excitement and panic.

"Who? God, Carol calm down." She ignores you and squeals.

"The lifeguard! The new hot one!" You roll your eyes. She's told you about him before, but this is the first time you've been at the pool together since then.

"Why would he come over here? Seriously, Carol. Chill out. You sound like a teenager." You try to lay back again but she inhales sharply and shakes your shoulder again. She does seem to calm down suddenly, though, and you realize something is casting a shadow over you.

"Hi, Elvis!" Carol chirps. You watch as she plays with her hair and bats her eyelashes.

"Hi, Carol. Love those sunglasses." She almost melts right in front of you and you have to actively suppress your eye roll. "Who's your friend?"

He gestures towards you with his chin and then you make eye contact. It's only then that you notice how impossibly attractive he is. Your heart flutters a little against your will and you smile.

"I'm y/n."

"You mind?" He waves towards the end of your beach chair and you nod. As he sits down on the end of your chair, Carol looks between you and bristles with envy. He takes your hand and kisses the back of it softly. Your breathing picks up and you start to sweat a little. "I'm Elvis. Nice to meet ya."

"Y/n's son is the one you had to yell at about running a few times earlier." Carol says in an accusatory tone, like she's trying to get you in trouble. Elvis chuckles, but doesn't move his eyes from you.

"That little shit is yours?" You blush a bit and look down at your lap.

"Yeah, that little shit's mine."

"He your only one?" Carol realizes this conversation is going to continue without her and scoffs, leaning back in her own chair huffily.

"No, my daughter is around here somewhere too. She's twelve."

"No way. You're not old enough to have a 12 year old." He smiles and winks, rolling his chewing gum around in his mouth. You laugh and try to maintain eye contact.

"I assure you, I am." Your eyes roam over him as he chuckles. He's got his hair done like it's 1956 and it reminds you of your first crush. It seems out of place, but you're not complaining. His body is lithe and toned and he's got a tan from working at the pool.

"Hey, I wanna show you something. Come with me." He stands up suddenly and offers you his hand. You look at Carol, who huffs again and pretends to be very interested in her book. Deciding you don't have anything to lose, you take his hand and stand up, sliding your sandals on.

"Don't you have to be up on the chair?"

"Not for another ten minutes. I'm on my break." He leads you into one of the saunas, spitting his gum in a trash can, and closes the door. You look around and before you know it, he's grabbed you and pressed his lips against yours in a passionate kiss. You pull back quickly.

"Woah. What are you doing?!"

"Uh, I'm kissin' you." He looks down at you, surprised by your hesitation.

"I have a husband. I can't do this."

"Yeah? He's good to you?" He raises his eyebrows. It's like he can sense you haven't been fucked in six months.

"I mean... no... but... that doesn't matter!" He brushes a stray hair out of your face.

"Doesn't it?" He leans in and kisses your cheek gently and you moan softly, trying desperately to stand your ground.

"Elvis... I'm... how old are you anyway?" He leans back and sighs.

"That really doesn't matter." You pull away from him and make like you're going to leave. He grabs you and wraps you back in his arms. "I'm 22. Plenty old enough to know that I want you."

You look up at him, spellbound for a bit and then shake your head.

"Elvis-"

"What if you didn't think about all the reasons you can't do this?" He puts his hands together behind your back and pulls you in closer. Without thinking, you snake your arms up around his neck.

"I can't do this right now... my kids..." He leans in and presses his forehead to yours.

"You ever seen the pool at night?"

"At night?"

"It's a full moon. Meet me here at 10 tonight. We'll see where the moonlight takes us." An alarm on his digital watch goes off and he pulls away. "I gotta be back in the chair. Say you'll meet me."

You nod and he kisses your forehead. He squeezes you one last time and then heads out of the sauna, holding the door for you to walk out in front of him. You make your way back to your chair and Carol ignores you. He winks as he gets to the ladder and then climbs up into his spot, spreading his legs wide. Your eyes drift to his thighs in those little red shorts and there's a tingle between your legs that you haven't felt in years. You want to say you have no intention of meeting him tonight, but the wetness under your swimsuit says otherwise.

******

At 9:47 you stand and look at yourself in the mirror. You have on your best dress, your hair teased and hair sprayed perfectly, your bright eyeshadow making your eyes pop.

"Where you going?" Your husband asks sleepily from his place in your bed.

"Oh, nowhere. Just out with the girls."

"Okay. Have fun. Just don't be out too late. I need you up in time to make my lunch tomorrow." Your heart hardens as you think about all the things you've done for him over the years without so much as a "thank you".

"Eddie?" You walk over to his side of the bed and try to sit on his lap. He moves away from you uncomfortably.

"What?" He stares at you blankly.

"You want to make love before I go? I could be late. Or just stay home. I have on some sexy underwear-"

"Y/n, I'm tired. And sexy underwear is only sexy on a sexy person. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but let's be honest. You're 36. The sexy ship has sailed." He pats your bottom and then picks up a book from his nightstand.

You swallow the lump in your throat and head for the door, no longer feeling guilty for what you're about to do.

******

Elvis shifts nervously and checks his watch again.

10:13pm.

He starts to wonder if you're really not coming and rearranges his jacket anxiously. Another deep sigh later and he's ready to give up. As he starts to walk back to his 1958 Cadillac, he sees a car pull up. You park and jump out, jogging towards him quickly, your heels clicking on the pavement.

"I'm sorry I'm late!" His whole face relaxes into a smile.

"Not a problem, honey. I'm just glad you're here." When you get to him, he throws his arm around your waist and pulls you in close, kissing your temple. He steps back and looks at you. "Whew. You really are a babe."

You blush and swallow the lump in your throat again as he shakes his head and clicks his tongue. You want to argue with him, but he doesn't give you a chance. He pulls you towards the pool entrance swiftly. At the gate, he looks around to make sure no one is watching and then opens it with his key.

"Are we not supposed to be here?" You whisper. Against your better judgment, the illicit nature of this whole endeavor turns you on.

"No, it's fine. I have a key." The gate swings open and he stands there with a cocky grin. "Come on."

He takes you to the edge of the pool. It glistens under the fat silver moon and he comes up behind you, sliding his arms around your waist.

"Pretty, huh?" He whispers in your ear, pressing his lips to your neck.

"Yeah. It is." You whimper.

"You might be the only thing prettier than this." He kisses the side of your neck again and you can't control it anymore. A sob surges up out of you and tears start to slide down your cheeks. He realizes you're crying and turns you to face him.

"Baby, you're cryin'! What's wrong?"

"N-nothin'." You try to suck it up and hiccup instead.

"Doll. You're clearly upset. Tell me what's goin' on." You look up at him with your face shiny with tears.

"You can stop pretending to be attracted to me. I don't know what your goal is here, but I know I'm not sexy. Not anymore." He rolls his eyes dramatically and wipes the tears from your face with his thumbs.

"Now, you just stop it. You're the sexiest woman I've ever seen. In fact, I'm havin' a hard time not rippin' this dress off of you right now."

"Really?" He smiles.

"Really. You gonna let me kiss ya now?"

"If that's what you want."

"If that's what... honey. Okay." He pulls you in close to him and presses his hips against yours so you can feel his erection. You erupt in a cascade of giggles. He smiles, glad to see you happy again, and then pulls you into a kiss.

This time you don't stop him.

"You're a beautiful woman, y/n." He kisses down your jaw to your neck and presses his lips to the soft skin there over and over again. "And so sexy."

"I'm not too old?" You moan softly.

"Not at all, baby. Women are like wine. You just get better with age." You smile as he continues kissing your collarbone. "And I'd love a taste..."

That's all it takes for you to start frantically clawing at his clothes, your tongue shoved into his mouth. He doesn't protest at all, in fact he helps you undress himself until he's down to just his slacks. Your hand goes to his belt and he stops you.

"Now hold on a minute. This is a two-way street. I'm not just gonna stand here ass naked with you fully clothed." He says it a few words at a time between kisses.

"Well, then leave your underwear on." He pulls back and grins that stupid lopsided grin that makes you weak.

"Not wearin' any." A blush rises in your cheeks, adding to the pink you put there earlier with a makeup brush. "My turn."

His hand finds the zipper on the back of your dress and he pulls it down, letting it fall to your feet. He looks at you standing there in just your underwear and heels and whistles.

"Goddamn, baby, you look like a fuckin' pinup. What I would do to have my camera right now." Your confidence is growing by the second, so you pose for him. He pretends to be snapping photos of you as you move from pose to pose for a bit. When you turn away from him and bend over a little, though, he groans. "Fuuuck. That's enough of that."

He pretends to throw the camera and then pulls you over to him, kissing you deeply as he takes your ass in both hands and squeezes. His hands move up your back and unhook your bra easily. He slides it off and tosses it, leaning in to pull one of your nipples into his mouth. You forget to be self-conscious as he continues his worship of your chest, licking and sucking and nibbling as you moan softly. He moves down your body, sliding your panties down over your thighs and then removing your shoes with them. His dick twitches when he sees your pretty little polished toes.

Once he's got you naked, he pushes your legs apart and dives into your pussy tongue first, licking up your slit before pushing the tip of it into you. Your hands immediately go to his hair and you throw your head back. No one has touched you like this in over a decade.

"Oh, God, Elvis, fuck!" You've completely forgotten that you're outdoors as you moan loudly while he licks and sucks your clit. He slides one of his long fingers up inside you and looks up at you.

"I was right."

"What?"

"You taste fantastic." He goes back to licking you as he finger-fucks you and you bite your lip to keep from screaming. You haven't had an orgasm that wasn't self-made in so long you forgot what it feels like. When it hits you, you're physically incapable of holding back as your legs shake and the pleasure runs through you like electric warmth. He tongues you through it, gracefully ignoring the force with which you hold his hair and grind into his face.

Finally, he pulls back and wipes his face with his hand as he drops his pants and kicks off his loafers. When you see his erect cock bounce free, your mouth starts to water and you do something you never thought you'd do again. You drop to your knees and pull him into your mouth, working him quickly with your hand and your tongue at the same time.

"Fucking shit, baby." He groans as he takes a handful of your hair and starts to guide your movements on him. You open your throat and push him as far as he'll go, almost making it to the hair at the base of him. You gag a little and pull back.

"Sorry, I haven't done this in a long-"

"Shhh. C'mere." He moves over to a beach chair and fixes the angle of it to be what he wants. Then he puts you on the chair so that you're holding onto the back of it faced away from him.

"Something tells me you've done this before." You say with your eyebrows raised. He strokes his cock and smiles.

"I've been a lifeguard for six years. What do you think?" His arrogance should be annoying, but really it just turns you on. He arranges himself behind you and lifts one knee to give himself more leverage. You feel him tease your clit with his tip as he gets it wet with your arousal. Then, he lines himself up with your entrance and starts to push into you.

He holds your hips and moves slowly, giving you time to adjust to the size of him. You whimper as he enters you, inch by tantalizing inch. When he gets to the last bit, it's like he can't stand it anymore and he slams into you, making you see stars as he rams into your g-spot.

"That good baby? You like my cock inside you?" All you can do is nod and whimper and he takes that as permission, pulling back and fucking into you harder with each thrust. He pounds you relentlessly, grunting with the sensation of you so tight and wet around him. "Fuck, that's good."

You hear him mumble as he slams into you over and over again. He moves your hair out of the way and then pulls you back against him, kissing the back of your neck and shoulder. He whispers into your ear.

"So pretty when I fuck you. You're so sexy, baby." You let out a soft moan and he holds you there tight against him as he continues to slide his cock in and out of you. "Gonna cum, baby, where you want it?"

"On my ass." You don't know where that comes from. You've never said anything so dirty in your entire life. But he groans with pleasure at the thought of it and then reaches forward to collapse the beach chair. Without thinking, you lean all the way over and rest your head on your forearms. The change in angle brings on another orgasm for you and you whine and grit your teeth as you cum hard on his dick while he pounds you. He feels your walls pulsing around him and pulls out just in time.

"Fuck, yeah... baby..." He moans as he pumps his dick and shoots his hot release all over your ass. When he's finished, he falls back on his heels trying to catch his breath. He grabs his shirt and uses it to clean you up. You turn in the chair and he lays next to you, pulling you into his chest.

"I don't know who told you that you're not sexy, but they're a damn liar."

"My husband..."

"You deserve so much better." He lifts your fingers to his lips and kisses each one gently.

"Oh, yeah, you gonna step-parent my kids?" You ask, your voice tinged with derision.

"No. I'm just sayin' you could do better. You should do better." You look up into his face and meet his blue eyes. He's not suggesting he's the man for the job, but he might not be wrong. "Until then, I'm here for this whenever you need it."

He kisses your forehead and holds you tight against him and you think of the words to your favorite song.

"You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy..."

"What was that, baby?"

"Nothing, just lyrics to a song."

You look up at the stars and wonder how long you can stay here naked and wrapped in his arms. Not long enough.

******

The End

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @tacozebra051 @your-nanas-house @deniseinmn @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @louisejoy86 @rjmartin11 @from-memphis-with-love @deltafalax @atleastpleasetelephone @cinnamoroll-things @burnthheparaphilia @jhoneybees @cattcb @everythingelvispresley @returntopresley @searchingforgravity

[sweetestcaptainhughes]

hello can I do a 17 ❤️‍🩹 and is it possible to do it w/ jamie drysdale? if not then with trevor zegras 🙏🙏

ooo so I only did leprechaun man as a joke because I wanted MK (@chukys-mouthguard) to show the world that she calls him a fucking sweet potato. 😂😂 Plus no one has requested Trevor at all during this celly, so Trevor it is. Sorry you had to sit in my inbox all day, apparently my body decided to sleep the entire day. I had no idea where this was going and I'm debating if I lost the plot half way through but it's cute I think.

200 Followers Celebration

Overcompensating by giving compliments and being extra nice, but feeling frustrated all the same when their crush doesn't seem to notice their efforts.

Trevor has been acting strange lately, you couldn't pin point what it was or when the turning point was but he definitely had a shift in his behavior. Trevor was one of those people in your life that you couldn't really tell anyone if they asked how long you have known him or when you guys first met. Both of your moms went to college together and you were destined to be cousins from that moment on. Except, Trevor and you never acted like cousins. Not in the same way you interacted with his little brother and sister. Not in the same way he interacted with your siblings.

Trevor and you, you both acted well like an old married couple most of the time. Two people that would do anything for each other, hell they would move the heaven if they needed but when it came to everyday life they bickered like they have been stuck with each other since the beginning of time. Jack and Cole constantly gave him shit for it back when they were all on the same development team. They both told him that he needed to make a move before someone stole his 'wife' from him. At the time, you remember Trevor telling you over FaceTime both of you laughing about it till their were tears in your eyes.

Now years later, you ended up in LA for work. Trevor was so happy he had someone with him, even though at the time he was already living in Orange County for years. He insisted on finding the perfect apartment in the middle of of your work and the rink. Which meant that both of your communites with traffic were a little over an hour. On the phone with him when he proposed the idea of a shared apartment you told him how insane he was being.

"Z no. It's insane for both of us to have such a wild commute. LA traffic is already insane and you know that. What happens if I accidentally sleep in one day and then I'm what 2 1/2 hours late for what." you try to reason as your folding your laundry, trying to deicde what to donate since you don't want to pay to lug so much across the country.

"fine then we will pick a place closer to your work. it's only fair anyway, you're there year round anyway." he decides, glancing at his phone for a second, while he continues to search on his mac for new apartments.

"No." you argue.

"yes Y/N I am not letting you live here by yourself okay. " Finally looking at you in the camera he seems your black dress your holding up, as if your debating if it's time to part ways with your 'slutty little black dress' that was your saving grace during college. But Trevor remembers it as the dress you wore with him to the go out to the bars, the dress you wore when he realized his friends were right he was madly and deeply in love with you.

"did you just put that in the donate pile?" he asks. Nodding your head yes, before you could speak he continues. "No you have to keep that one bee. " he begged.

bee a name only he could call you. a childhood name he started calling you because he said your words could sting anyone like a bee if you wanted to. what started as an insult became a name of endearment and one he only used when he really wanted something.

But now months later, as he's driving you home and your in that exact dress he begged you to keep all you want to do is for the ground to swoll you whole as you sit in his jeep. Glancing over at Trevor you see his eyes are clouded with anger, not sure if your mad at you or his teammate for flirting with you. As if he could read your mind, he brings his hand over to yours bringing it to his lips and lightly kisses it.

"I'm not mad at you bee okay." he says as he glances over at you as he comes to a stop. It's the first time he makes eye-contact with you since leaving the club almost 30 minutes ago, he sees that you're fighting back your own tears. "fuck bee don't cry." he whispers, deciding to pull over because the thought of continuing to drive while you're this upset physically pains him. As soon as the car is in park, he unbuckles his seatbelt, wiping your tears away with the rough pads of his thumbs. "I'm not mad" he keeps whispering like a promise until you finally shake your head okay.

"why did you punch him?" you finally ask.

"because he's a fuckboy and he doesn't deserve someone like you." the anger taking over in his voice again, you wince as if his tone of voice could physically hurt you, like his fist hurt his teammates.

"then who?" you whisper, suddenly feeling a boost of confidence you haven't in a long time.

"what?" he asks so quietly you can barely hear him over the hum of the music playing through the speakers.

"who do I deserve? because ever since I moved here you seem to have a lot of ideas of who I should date and shouldn't. I know we've known each other our entire life's but that doesn't give you the right to cock block me every chance you get Trevor!" by the end you are red in the face from your screaming confession.

"Y/N you deserve someone who will love you! Who knows you like the back of their hand. Someone who won't ever hurt you even if it's by accident. Someone who can give you everything you ever hoped for and more. Someone who will sit with you while you rant about the newest project at work or your new favorite obesession for the month. You deserve someone who will stay up late with you just to spend time with you because they missed you. You deserve someone who can give you the world. You deserve someone better than me and that little fucker isn't better than me." Trevor's face is one of pure shock . His eyes are wide, his mouth slightly ajar as he realizes what he just confessed.

"Trevor." Unbuckling your seatbelt so you can get closer to him, even thoguh you are already in a small space. "what if all I want is you?" you ask, leaning closer to him.

But he shakes his head pleading, "no you deserve better."

"no there isn't" you reason, taking your hands resting them on either side of his face, resting your forehead against you.

'what if I hurt you." he confesses

"you won't" leaning close enough that your lips are almost touching.

"you don't know that."

"I know that you doing nothing is hurting me more than you ever could hurt me by trying." His eyes snap open at your words. "please kiss me Z." That's all it takes for him to close to space between you both.

[oh-meretseger]

part 5 - The Party

attack on titan modern college au // Jean Kirstein x fem!reader

notes: mostly sfw, a little fluff (I’m posting the smut part tomorrow, it was SO unbelievably long I had to cut it😭 I’m unable to write shortly about anything smutty I’m sorry shdnxmdh), mentions of alcohol, drug use

word count: 3,6k

"MARCO!"

"WHAT" Sasha screamed as they froze and both her head and Connie's cake covered face snapped in perfect sync.

"Man, you made it!" Jean took the man in his arms with the happiest grin plastered on his face, Sasha, then Connie quickly joining them as they jumped right onto them. "Connie, your face!"

"Sorry, bro" he stepped back as he tried to wipe chunks of cupcake from his face, but the man's jacket was already smudged with cherry cream, just like Jean's shirt.

"It's okay, I wanted to wash it anyway" the stranger laughed, and you smiled at him as your eyes met. Jean's eyes shot to you as well, and he immediately jumped to pull you closer.

"Y/n, this is Marco, our childhood friend" he motioned towards him, and you accepted Marco's handshake, returning his friendly smile. His expression was warm and kind, freckles on his nose wrinkling as he beamed with joy. "Marco, this is our own little house rat, Y/n"

You gave Jean a death stare as he and Connie giggled like schoolgirls, his body jolting away from you as you poked a finger between his ribs.

"Nice, couldn't tell you were a wild animal at all" Marco deadpanned and you grinned.

"I'm not, I'm fully domesticated"

"You're such a jerk, why are you so rude?" you heard Sasha hiss at Jean thinking you wouldn't hear, but as always, they were unable to bicker without getting loud.

"I'm not rude, you just have a stick up your ass" Jean snarled at her. You shook your head, having zero clue why they were acting like brawling puppies all night.

"I'll show you a stick up your ass, JEANBO" Sasha yelled, and Niccolo sprang to stop her from trying to pull Jean's pants down without a second thought. In a second, they were a bundle of tangled legs and arms on the floor, shouting and kicking at each other.

You saw more sophisticated behavior in middle school.

"The fuck was that?" Connie's eyes widened at a loud BANG coming from the living room, and swiftly left the kitchen to investigate its source.

"Holy shit, it feels like I'm gonna have a seizure" you put your hands over your ears at the massive overstimulation, and Marco let out a heartfelt laugh. He quickly picked up two ciders from the counter Jean and Sasha were beating each other next to, then handed one to you and put a hand on your shoulder to turn you towards the door.

"Let's go outside. We'll check back when they're done killing each other"

A pleasant relief spread in your chest as you left the noise and complete chaos. Loud music became muffled as soon as Marco closed the glass door to the patio behind him, and soft laughs and chatter hit your ear of those who were sitting outside.

"Y/n! Let me help you with that"

You smiled at Armin and handed over the cider for him to, like the gentleman he was, open the bottle for you while you settled down on the wood bench next to him. "Thank you, Armin"

"Good to see you, man!" Marco reached over with a happy grin to shake his hand, then leaned over to shake Bert's as well. Annie greeted him with a small wave - they all looked at Marco with such a warm smile, you could feel how loved by everyone he was. "Annie!"

"Marco, s'been a minute! How's everything?" Armin asked while opening Marco's bottle as well, and you took a sip of the strawberry cider, sweet bubbles sizzling on your tongue as your eyes followed Marco's movements. He grazed his palm as a greeting over Mikasa's shoulder who sat next to Armin - she smiled up at him, but kept half an eye on Eren and Reiner, lounging on a pair of chairs a little further away, seemingly having a heated conversation over something sports related. Marco grinned back at Armin while shaking Reiner's hand, then taking Eren's as he mumbled a "hey, bro", immediately getting back to the vital argument they were having.

"Nothing much, working. I had to come and catch up with you guys though, how's uni life?"

"What the hell are they so pressed over?" you asked Mikasa in a low voice as you motioned towards the two athlete bros, trying not to disturb Armin and Marco's coversation.

"Don't even ask" Mikasa shook her head, her gorgeous black strands of hair moving around her face, shining in the faint light coming through the glass door to the patio. "It's just some statistics, or whatever. But Eren's been irritated all day, so even some stupid numbers can get him worked up, I'm afraid"

You looked over to Eren, lighting a blunt as he was listening to Reiner talk. You often saw his face around campus just like this, grumpy and unmoved by anyone and anything happening around him, but Mikasa knew him like the back of her hand. If she said he was unusually irritated, there was no room for doubt.

The grumpiness on his face seemed to quickly dissolve anyway as Marco and Armin's conversation started to spread across the table, getting Annie, Bert and Mikasa, then shortly after Eren and Reiner involved as they told you where they all knew each other from, what childhood or high school memories they shared, and how the strings of their lives still interweaved from time to time - even though everyone went on to different colleges, jobs and paths of life.

To answer their curious questions, you even talked about how you were completely new not only around this town, but to this whole state, attending this college being a fresh new start for you. And about how you were so happy to have met them here.

The small amount of alcohol and all the funny and endearing stories they shared made you forget about any anxiety you previously had about this party. You really felt like you were at home as you looked around to see their glimmering eyes, and faces glowing with joy as they laughed.

Even Eren seemed to forget about their super important battle of numbers with Reiner when they pulled their chair closer to the table to join memory lane.

"You want a hit?" Eren's hand suddenly appeared in front of you, holding the blunt that was obviously on its last legs. You turned your head to meet his low-lidded green eyes, and Reiner's eyes shot to you at your movement. He flashed his million dollar grin at you, and you bashfully smiled back at him. God, he was handsome.

"No, thanks" you smiled at Eren, amused at how much more relaxed he looked than before. To Mikasa's greatest delight, it seemed.

"Where are your glasses?"

"I've decided not to be short-sighted anymore" you shrugged, and Eren shook his head at your reply as a grin formed on his face.

"Yeah, you shouldn't let some object define you anyway" he played into your joke, and you nodded.

"That's what I'm saying"

"Where's your king of sarcasm by the way, Your Royal Highness?" Eren smirked at you, and you instantly felt yourself blush at the unexpected question. You dropped your eyes to look at your fingers as they started to fidget. You both knew who your king was, but at that moment, you would've done anything to avoid admitting it.

"I saw him playing beer pong inside, they're on a winning streak with Connie" Marco appeared next to you with two bottles in hand, cold and fresh from the refrigerator. You felt your cheeks getting even warmer as you looked up at his happy grin, accepting the bottle he held out to you. He knew.

"Thank you, Marco" you muttered, and quickly reached out to grab the bottle opener. You were more than happy to do something with your hands to hide your sudden nervousness.

"He told me about you, you know" Marco went on in a lower voice as he sat back down next to you, so only you could hear him.

Your heart started to pound faster in your chest. Jean told him about you?

"He did?" you replied hesitantly, not sure what to think. "And what- What did he tell you?"

"Well" Marco smiled back. "He told me about a cute little nerd he often annoys for fun"

"Of course he'd say that" you mumbled, fingers rubbing the bridge of your nose as you tried to hide the blush of your cheeks. Cute..? "I don't know about the cute part though, I'm pretty sure you misunderstood 'loser'"

"You think so?" Marco let out a heartfelt laugh. "I'm pretty sure I heard him right. Jean doesn't really gush over any girl, so him saying 'cute' caught my ear"

Your eyes dropped once again to your fidgeting hands, but you couldn't help a smile curving your lips.

"Could be anyone, a lot of cute girls compete to entertain him around campus on the regular"

"Jesus, you two really are the exact same person" Marco laughed, and you looked up at him flustered and confused at what he meant. "Look, through a difficult investigation, I found out he liked this smart, pretty girl with a bad eyesight, who likes reading her crime novels curling up under her nightlight, blushes easily, and whose bitter jokes he finds hilarious, but would never admit to it. I'm quite sure that can't be anyone"

You felt your stomach flip at the thought of Jean not only knowing you, but paying such attention to particular details about you. You couldn't have described the feeling even if you wanted to - but despite the sudden nausea and nervous fluttering of your heart, you couldn't help your smile growing into a grin at Marco's words.

You felt like you were on cloud nine.

"Are you sure Jean said that?"

"Yep" his bottle momentarily covered Marco's smile as he took another sip, examining your happily flushed cheeks under the dim light. "Why is it so hard to believe? I thought you both liked each other"

A few seconds of silence sat between you as you fought the tension straining your chest from inside. The tension that held you back from admitting your feelings up to this point, not only to someone else but even to yourself.

"I- I do. It's not that" you muttered in a small voice. "We've just been bullying each other for so long now, it's-"

You nervously paused as Marco let out a chuckle.

"It's hard to believe he'd look at me like that" you looked into Marco's joyful brown eyes. He truly found you and Jean floundering around entertaining.

"I know Jean. Believe me when I say he's actually smitten with you" he replied, making your fluttering heart almost jump out of your chest. "He's not gonna admit that though. You two like suffering in silence, as I can see"

You let out a quiet chuckle. As you looked at Marco's genuine, caring smile, you felt like this was the right moment to finally be truthful, that you were ready to open up. But before an honest answer could leave your mouth, the glass door to the patio flew open, and Sasha bursted out of the living room with Niccolo by her side.

"Guys, you won't believe what I just found in Connie's kitchen"

"It's nice to finally see you, too, Sasha" Mikasa replied to Sasha's choice of entry while Niccolo shook hands with the guys, already familiar to all of their faces.

Inside the house, the party reached its loudest, most chaotic peak. Loud banging of the music and shouting of the guests filled the basement, the kitchen and the living room. Guests being random faces of people not even Connie knew - the product of having your front door open to anyone without an invitation. But Connie couldn't care less.

Girls surrounded them in the back room, giggling as Connie threw the winner shot, jumping with a victorious yell as he hit the final cup. His audience was cheerful and tipsy, and that was all Connie needed to have an amazing and carefree time.

"I'll look for Marco" Jean waved his hand towards the living room, but Connie stopped him with a palm slapping on his shoulder.

"You can't leave me, we're on a winning streak!"

"You'll be fine, Connie" Jean patted Connie's hand gripping him, smirking over to all the bystander girls watching with gleaming eyes, waiting on their chance to join the team of the king of beer pong himself. "I'll be with Marco if you need me"

"But I need you NOW" Connie squealed, and Jean turned his back to him with a chuckle, shaking his head as he left the room.

Jean pushed himself through the sea of bodies moving and dancing in the living room, careful to dodge the plastic cups full of alcoholic beverages that all the drunken hands flung around in the air. Getting use of his height, his hazel eyes panned the room as he towered over most of the dancers, but beside a few familiar faces, he found none of the ones he was looking for. Not a sign of Armin and the guys, Sasha and Niccolo, Marco, or you...

He faced towards the stairs to the basement, but swiftly changed his direction when he saw a bunch of people occupying the steps. Knowing you and Marco, he was positive he wouldn't find you in an area so loud and crowded.

"Hey, Jean!" a shout exceeding the deafening music hit his ears and his eyes quickly followed its direction, Sasha's waving hand catching his eye. She pushed people standing in her way without a second thought, her eyes wide with excitement.

"Where are you guys?" Jean yelled as they reached each other in the crowd, and Sasha motioned towards the door to the patio.

"Y/n is out there with Marco" she replied, and Jean's heart jumped with a nervous beat as Sasha mentioned your name. "The others want to talk to you too, go!"

Sasha tapped his shoulder, encouraging him to step outside, then she continued her brutal way to the kitchen, elbowing and kicking anyone who was unfortunate enough to be in her way. Jean shook his head as he laughed to himself, then turned his head towards the patio.

With Marco?

What did Sasha mean you were outside with Marco? With Marco, like you two were only in the presence of each other, outside of the whole group?

Jean couldn't help a small little string of jealousy twist in his chest as he thought about you, and the first glimpse he caught of you tonight. How his heart was beating in his throat as you caught his eye, and how a mix of electric sparks and warmth spread in his body as he looked at yours.

The tight dress hugged your body just right, you tried to hide it under the oversized jacket, but the beautiful curve of your waist, your hips still showed underneath as you moved. He felt the blood rush right out of his brain, straight to his groin, as his eyes ran over the soft skin of your thighs showing where your pretty little dress was slit. He just realized tonight - he's never seen your knees, the curve of your calves, those delicate ankles... Jean immediately imagined them on his shoulders, and had to force himself to quickly shake off the thought. He's not a horny high schooler, for fuck's sake... The fluttering of his heart would've diverted his mind anyway as he gazed at your gorgeous face, your silky, soft strands of hair framing it as they fell to your shoulders. Beautiful, big doe eyes looked at Bert and Reiner as you talked to them, light glistening on your sweet lips as you spoke.

Fuck.

This was the second time he felt jealous today. What even got to him? Jean wasn't sure, but he quickly shook off these thoughts as he realized he had no reason to feel this way. He knew Marco, Marco knew about you, and you... Jean was pretty sure he knew where you two standed.

Waking from his momentary daydream, he pushed his way through the crowd of people to reach the glass door, then opened it to step out on the dimly lighted patio. Jean felt a sense of relief as a cool breeze moved the strands of his combed back hair and tickled his face. A similar tingling started to form in his chest as among the others, you caught his eye - sitting at the table, laughing wholeheartedly with that breathtaking smile of yours, as Marco put a blanket over your shoulders to protect you from the chilly night air.

Jean couldn't help clenching his jaw.

"Jean, where've you been? Want one?" Reiner called out to him with a grin as he grabbed a can of beer from the table. Jean caught the can flying towards him in the air, and threw it right back to Reiner with that same momentum.

"Nah, but thanks, Reiner"

As Reiner drew everyone's attention to Jean, all cheerful faces turned to him, eyes beaming with joy at the sight of him. You noticed that, and you heard the happiness in all of their voices as they greeted him, even though they'd already met earlier.

You looked at him. The Jean standing in front if you was so different from the arrogant prick you saw in him a few months ago - in this moment, it made perfect sense why he was so loved by every one of his friends.

"Jean, finally! C'mere" Marco waved for him to come closer, and your eyes nervously dropped to your lap as Jean's eyes panned over to you and Marco.

He looked exceptionally fine in the dark button-up shirt he wore tonight. Rolled up sleeves letting those damn perfect forearms be seen, collar hugging those damn beautiful muscles of his neck that simply screamed to be kissed. The dark trousers and the belt hugging his hips looked so mouth-watering, it made you want to rip them off when you put your arms around his waist earlier. Not even talking about how your stomach kept doing backflips as you looked at his pretty face. Stubble making his jawline look even sharper, his beautiful eyes under frowned eyebrows looking at Marco as Jean talked to him, the straight line of his nose driving your eyes right to his inviting lips, glistening a bit as his tongue ran over them before he bit down on his lower lip... His eyes burning right into yours as you suddenly became aware that you were staring.

He caught you.

"I'll be right back" you jumped to your feet, pushing the blanket off to the bench as you left the table. You had to be alone for a minute. This evening was becoming too intense.

"Where are you going?" Sasha asked worried as she put her arm in front of you, stopping you in the doorway, and you looked at her with a reassuring smile.

"Just to the restroom. Do you know where it is?"

"Sure, it's at the end of the hallway next to the stairs" Sasha's thumb showed the way, pointing back above her shoulder. "But I think you should use the one in the master bedroom upstairs. It's closed for all these randos, but you can go in, Connie wouldn't mind"

After getting the directions from Sasha to find the key, you pushed your way through the brutal crowd in the living room, making your way up the stairs between shouting, drinking strangers, even a drunkenly kissing couple. You fished out the key to the master bedroom from a plant pot, just like Sasha said, then easily unlocked the door, quickly closing it back behind yourself.

You pressed your back to the door with a sigh of relief. Silence, finally.

"What are you acting so grumpy for?" Marco laughed as Jean sank down to the bench beside him, right where you just stood up from.

"M'not grumpy, the hell are you talking about?" Jean frowned at Marco and accepted the empty glass he passed to him.

"You wouldn't be if you heard what we talked about" Marco smiled while grabbing a bottle of whisky, pouring some in the glass he just handed to Jean. That just made Jean's frown deepen even more with confusion.

"Why, what'd you talk about?" he asked as he slowly raised the glass to his lips, a wondering shimmer in his hazel eyes.

"You" Marco's finger poked into Jean's chest, and he just looked at Marco's entertained grin completely confused.

"Me?"

"You, man" Marco nodded. He was absolutely amused at the curious hesitance showing on Jean's face.

"And what... What did she say?"

"Well, Sasha almost blew it, but she did tell me eventually..."

You stood in front of the mirror above the sink, and examined your face while you washed your hands. You felt like you looked different. You felt different. Even though huge parties like this made you feel severly overwhelmed, you still felt an immense joy about how great it felt to be with people you grew to like so much, people you could call your friends.

And Jean...

It felt like a hundred little butterflies woke up in your stomach as you thought of Jean, and you smiled at your reflection. Maybe you were a little tipsy, but the usual embarrassment you felt when you thought of the dirty little memories you shared, was nowhere to be found. A knot of excitement started to form in its place instead.

You wanted to talk to him again. You had to hear him, touch him, feel him.

You burst into the bedroom, hurrying straight to the door, then just when you placed your hand on the doorknob, a sudden voice made you nearly jump out of your own skin.

"Where's the rush, smarty-pants?"

[sinimake]

Now, it's Johnny specific headcanons! Read Kenshi's here

Took a gap year to earn his college funds, but when he got accepted into a film school, his family wanted him to sign up for the army. So one morning, he just went out, took an interstate bus, and started living on his own.

He worked many menial works here and there, barely surviving, so he started to enter underground cage fights in the night for quick bucks. The first time he got in the ring and the announcer asked for his name, he chose Johnny Cage on a whim.

His college years were wild. Almost always drunk every night bc he's landed a job as a bartender in a local bar. Alcohol is conveniently within arms reach and is an effective painkiller to the punches he took in the ring fights. That's when his addiction started.

He got his Johnny tattoo when he was shit faced and sad. He desperately wanted to shed Johnathan Carlton name off himself, so he marched into a tattoo parlor to have a permanent reminder on his chest. People think he's narcissistic to have his name tattooed so big on his body, Johnny never corrects the meaning of it bc it is better to be seen as an asshole than weak.

One really good perk of his bartender job was talking to the patrons and hearing their life stories. It really helped Johnny's acting career in the long run, where he understands his roles deeply and delivers the portrayals from heart.

He got a golden raspberry award for his The Flesh Pits movie. Threw the tropy out of the window once in anger but now he displays it along with his other achievement awards as a reminder.

He's an ambassador of many luxury brands.

He's very timely organized person where he plans his days down to every hour. Hates when there's a sudden change in his timetable.

When Johnny and Kenshi have a movie night, not only does he narrate what's happening in the scene, but he nerds out on what exact techniques of shots and lighting are used.

A big car enthusiast. Gives his cars the names that are in Mambo No. 5 by Lou Bega. (A little bit of Monica in my life—)

Snores in his sleep, specially when he's really exhausted.

His music taste is mainly girly pop, but sometimes he belts out on old school rock songs.

Loves improv acting. Sometimes, he drops in at random improv club nights to participate in one or two sets. It is always fun to see the crowd going "is that Johnny Cage? THE Johnny Cage?" whenever he goes on the stage.

A serial double texter. Will send you random ass pictures with no context or whatever. It is especially funny bc Kenshi can't see the pics, and the voice-over feature of his phone gives him the most obscure descriptions that have the man facepalming every time.

Is a big coffee guy but always gotta have them with milk and sugar bc he can't handle bitter taste of americano.

Has love and hate relationship with paparazzi cameramen. When he's out with the earthrealm defenders, his friends sometimes get the feeling of being followed. They say the concern to Johnny, thinking some outworld danger is hunting them or something just for the actor go "no worries that's just my regular paparazzi, Jeff. HI JEFF!! HOW YOU BEEN DOING TODAY?" "I'm fine! How about you, Johnny?", "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE? IS HOT OUTSIDE!" "yeah."

^then sometimes it's like this: "CAN YOU GIVE ME A BREATHER FOR A SEC?! YOUR CAMERA CLICKING IS SO LOUD!" "MY RENT IS DUE!" "NOT MY PROBLEM!"

He's an ambivert. Quiet night ins are as much appreciated as parties. He needs winding down moments but will go batshit insane if he doesn't get at least one human interaction a day.

[johnslittlespoon]

i have been dealing with the brainrot of twink college student john and biker gale but then the other half of the post jumped me in a dark alley and all i can think about is john's friend who is used to their friends having crushes on their dad but it's whatever. weird, but whatever, as long as they don't get vocal about it they can just use it as something to tease them about at the worse. john looking up at gale with big doe eyes isn't the first time they've seen a friend do that, they've seen other people who are considered more age appropriate do worse when faced with the gale cleven effect. only it never occurs to them gale feels like he can't breathe right and like is organs are too big for chest whenever he looks at john and feels like he's something too soft than he should allow himself to be but around john it doesn't feel bad, maybe it's a good thing he can unapologetically be soft for someone.

cue the ladies who thought they might be able to win over the quiet, intimating and rugged dilf biker seeing that his heart was stolen by none other than john clarence egan, the son of mr and mrs egan who everyone is sure are moments away from a heart attack.

the au post | GOD same it has notttt left my mind. and you GET ITTT you captured the vibe i was picturing for that version perfectly ugh.

literally 1k+ words of brainrot below the cut... deeply sorry. any excuse to talk about them and i'm spinning in my chair apparently LOL <3

like john takes one look at gale and knows he's not the only one who swoons over him, spends an ungodly amount of time pining from day one. but any fantasies are only fantasies, because he knows (thinks he knows) he doesn't stand a chance, both for the fact that he's his son's friend, and that gale probably thinks he's too immature, and that he's, y'know, not a girl.

but gale is gone too from their first meeting, he's just a lot better at hiding it (and finds it so endearing how bad john is at hiding it despite how well john thinks he's doing lol.) once he and john start tentatively feeling things out, and even before that really, the way he feels when he looks at the doe–eyed boy scares him– a vulnerable softness and urge to protect that he's been just fine with not feeling.

of course there's the conflict when he tries to shove down these feelings at first, because he knows how mad his son (who i headcanon as ken because he and leaving!john would be precious dorky besties) would be if he were to ever indulge in them, regardless of how much john wants it. and there's the guilt of feeling like john would be happier with someone his age, but john is the most persistent, stubborn person he's ever met, and the way he folds so quickly for him is terrifying.

and yet he falls for the attentive softhearted absolute puppy dog of a boy that john is, finds himself as fond of his moments of angsty bite and bristle as he is when he's docile at his side, melting under gale's gaze. there's no proper confirmation ever made to others about their status, no reason to need one, because they're attached at the hip and people learn quickly not to so much as look at john the wrong way, because gale's never far behind him.

and the angsttt of john's parent's disapproval– yeah, he's an adult and he's independent and is off doing college and all, but his parents aren't chill with "that gay shit" and he gets the classic "so long as you're living under our roof, you're not to see that man" talk, and what's an angsty rebellious lovesick john to do but get better at sneaking out of his window and jogging down the street to meet gale at his motorcycle so his parents don't hear it pull up?

i'm sure eventually it would come to a head because they'd find out he's been going behind their back when they catch him sneaking back inside late one night, and he's given the good old "stop seeing him or pack your bags" ultimatum. it takes gale a wild amount of self control to not storm into the house and chew out john's parents when he picks up the phone to a sniffling terrified john at two in the morning less than an hour after he'd dropped him off down the street.

it takes even more self control when he sees the angry red of a handprint on john's cheek when he pulls up and finds him sat on the curb with a hastily stuffed backpack, and his heart shatters when john starts apologizing, as if he'd ever be upset with him. but then, cue domesticity (and a different kind of sneaking around) as john temporarily moves in with him and ken. all ken is told is that john's parents kicked him out and he knows how badly they treat him so he doesn't ask many questions, so shitty circumstances aside, he's over the moon at getting to have his best friend stay with him.

john promises to find someplace to rent a room in as soon as he can because he feels awful for intruding, but gale finds that he really likes having john around, insists he stays with the two of them at least till he's done with his semester so he doesn't have to worry about paying rent. lots of nuance to sort out there but you get the gist. <3

also. john wearing gale's leather jacket sighhh. finding any excuse he can to steal it, face going all pink when gale drapes it over his shoulders when they're out on dates, beaming when gale lets him wear it home with the promise that he'll return it the next day, falling asleep with his face pressed to it, drowning in the smell of gale's aftershave and cigarettes and diesel.

+ slight tangent but the things that could come about from the sneaking around?? minor spoilers for anyone who hasn't seen callum's show 'leaving' that his character in this au is loosely based off of, but there's a scene where he and his milf not–gf are fooling around in his room and his parents get home early.

i have this scene in my head where john thinks he's meant to have the house to himself for the night, invites gale over, they end up in the shower and they hear the front door slam mid–fuck. there's a moment of panic, both of them freezing, john whispers that "dad's probably forgot his wallet or something," assumes gale will stay unmoving until they hear the door slam again.

only gale suddenly rolls his hips forward, and john chokes on a moan, gale's hand coming up to quickly cover his mouth, his other hand squeezing john's hip as he kisses his shoulder and murmurs "you can be quiet, can't you, sweetheart?"

anyway. yeah, this au has me in a chokehold so hard still, i'm 100% still planning on writing it post–dog fic <3 i do love this whole cliche best friend's dad route of this au, but i'm also not sure i feel like tackling the conflict of john having his friend find out about the two of them, and i feel like that would be kinda inevitable to have to write about if i took that route for the fic lol </3 so i think that version of the au will be limited to brainrot like this and when i write the actual fic it'll just be the college student x bikerider vibe, but honestly there's so much overlap with the two concepts anyway that it won't make too much of a difference!

thx for unintentionally encouraging my yapping i love this version of these two so much and i am apologizing in advance for the person i will become when i see the bikeriders in theatres xoxo

[turn-my-hollow-purple]

Assigning AOT Characters Rap Songs From my Rap Playlist

idk this might be too niche... just tryna put out content while fighting for my life in college finals. Anyway, never falling for a man again because FUCK

Eren: "Revenge by XXXTENTACION; everyone... just listen to the lyrics for a second thank yew. I really have little to elaborate on this one idk

Mikasa: "PRIDE." by Kendrick Lamar; I think just the intro line sums it up so well... 'love's gonna get you killed, but pride's gonna be the death of you , and you, and me'. She is the best, and she knows it, but she can't let her love for Eren get in the way of being the best or else everyone's dead

Armin: "Like Toy Soldiers" by Eminem; chat if I elaborate on this one I might start crying, thanks. Just listen to it... after he kinda took over for Erwin and everything like fuck happiness... 'that was never my object for someone to get killed. why would I wanna destroy something I helped build?' or 'down-talking a man who literally saved my life'. Just gonna leave that there...

Jean: "HUMANS AND MONSTERS' by Lil Darkie; alright this might be controversial but he would fucking vibe soooo hard to this song. It's chaotic and loud and slightly conspiracy theory-coded and he likes that... especially the lyric "and if I was you, I would just quit. And if I was me, I am me, I'm glad I'm me"

Connie: "Me and Your Mama" by Childish Gambino (he's my fav rapper y'all); It's funny and chaotic and omg the beat drop. Yeah, Connie would eat this shit up like actually and he knows every single word

Sasha: "PICK IT UP" by Famous Dex and A$AP Rocky; this song is also pure chaos and vulgar lyrics and she loves that about it. It's a lot like Connie's song and the two vibe so hard with one another to these songs. She screams 'A BAD BITCH PUERTO RICAN!' every time she hears this song

Erwin: "Chapter 319" by clipping; I don't think this requires too much of an explanation? it's a very clear government-hate song and that's just so Erwin. He's on that anti-government, anti-police, protesting agenda or whatever. 'This government doesn't respect us'

Levi: "No Church in the Wilde" by Jay-Z/Kanye West; I just think it's such a badass, rebellious concept of a song for someone fighting... specifically the lyric 'what's a god to a non-believer, who don't believe in anything'

Hange: "tv off" by Kendrick Lamar; Hange loves the scream portion of this song where he just goes 'MUSTARDDDDDDDDDD' like that's their favorite part. They're a big fan of the chaos and heart that are Kendrick's lyrics and beat

Annie: "Demons" by Doja Cat; I think Annie is a bigggg Doja stan and she sits here and listens to "Demons" and is like 'yeah how do my demons look, bitch?'... it's a little confidence, bad-ass boost song for her

Reiner: "Goosebumps" by Travis Scott; this fits his kinda depressed, self-loathing nature that (in a way) relies on other people and its laidback. "With my squad I can do no wrong" is a nod to Annie and Bertholdt I fear

Bertholdt: "Lucid Dreams" by Juice WRLD; it's introspective and guilt-ridden which reflection Bertholdt well

Ymir: "Heartless" by Kanye West; this shows her care-free, badass, bitch personality because she really doesn't care about anyone except herself (excluding Historia of course)

Historia: "Sober" by Childish Gambino (I had to have my fav make an appearance again); I like this song for her because it's kind of an upbeat feel with sad lyrics which feels a lot like her as a character. And tbh, I think after everything happened with Ymir she has a hard time forgetting about and coping with everything unless she isn't sober

[pumpkinmetaphor]

I was curious if you had any headcanons or opinions on Nanako that you like...? I really like her character, too, and the idea of her and Hikaru sounds fun if a but messy lol. I personally see her as aromantic more so, but I also wasn't really convinced of KyoKao until I saw your blog and now I'm reading more fics of them. Ty if you share!

Hi anon! Sorry for the delay, it's been hectic. I love Nanako. Love her. Headcanons are a funny thing to me because often I don't think about it (outside of my naturally biased interpretations of canon) until I'm writing and then I'm like "huh...WOULD she drink that? What music would she like? Would she get that reference?" So I'll try solidify a few thoughts into points. -I think she's probably not so much of a bitch usually, it's just that her and Kyoya bring out the worst in each other. That said, I think she can stir shit like the rest of them. -There's definitely an inclination on my part to treat Nanako's characterisation as a "cool girl" or "rebel child" from the perspective of a European, given she's living in Spain, and view her dissent against cultural norms as dissent against European conservativism rather than dissent against Japanese conservativism, and to view that dissent as perhaps stronger than it really is. Nanako is independent, carefree, liberal yes- but from the perspective of conservative Japanese rich kids, specifically Kyoya for whom filial piety is a mouthful of a middle name. Nanako is a bit wild for them, but I think for us the audience there's a tendency to exaggerate her behaviour to make her wild to us as well- because I think for a lot of western readers, moving away from home for college and refusing to drop out of college and come home to marry a strange man just because your father demands it and, yes, flirting and drinking a little bit isn't really that rebellious. So there's definitely a tendency in my own head to amplify those traits that isn't wholly accurate to her characterisation that I have to at times stamp out. -In a similar vein, Nanako has interests and vocations and is very principled about them. She's smart, she's good at what she does, and she's dedicated. Kyoya has a tendency to undervalue what she wants and view her as undisciplined because he doesn't understand it/doesn't view it as beneficial/and thinks it's childish to put a strain on your family relationships over something he views as petty. But that's why Nanako is Kyoya's narrative foil. And also Kyoya's wrong. -Jumping off THAT, I think I've spoken before about the fact that what makes Nanako so interesting is that she is this very last minute foil to Kyoya. Nanako is, in many ways, a reflection to the audience of Kyoya's future. He to will be told to marry someone his father wants him to marry, put his life on hold, live the life his father expects him to if he ever hopes to inherit. But the point of contention between Kyoya and Nanako is that Nanako just won't do it and Kyoya sees that decision as childish- because he views the fact that he ultimately *will* do it as a testament of his own maturity. In the same way Nanako has to compromise her need for freedom with her desire to please her father, Kyoya must make that decision for himself in the future. I don't think he fully gets that at the end of that chapter, but I think it would take a lot more self introspection for him to admit even slightly that he could relate to Nanako. (side note: an important distinction to make as well is that Nanako wants to please her father because she loves him and he loves her. They once had a good relationship that has since become strained. Kyoya never had that relationship with his father to repair in the first place.)

-I don't think you'd get by on the continent for that long without a growing appreciation for Europop, but I think she probably listens mostly to lower key stuff like jazz and folk rock.

-I think she dates, casually. I can see her maybe having one long term relationship in her late teens that she bails on when it starts to turn into the exact kind of thing she's running away from (marriage, kids, etc.) and otherwise I think she treats dating like a cultural exchange. It's fun! Don't get any ideas. I think I outlined some of my feelings about NanaHika here. Ultimately my NanaHika manifesto is. Uh. I can't find it, but there was a tweet someone made once about Pete Davidson where they said that Type A women go to a guy like that after a break up because they have so many plates spinning that they want to come home to a guy who doesn't have unrequested advice, isn't egotistical enough to think he has any insight she hasn't thought of, and just hits them with a "that sucks, babe :(" and a soda

[eggsaladsandwhic]

Vash Headcannons (SFW and NSFW)

Follow my previous posts about the Poly Knives x OC x Vash CollegeAU fic I'm doing so here's some ideas I gotta dump.

SFW/General

Ecology Major vibes, is also getting an Ethics minor

Hates chemistry with a burning passion

Makes a lot of friends, but only hangs out with a few so he doesn't overwhelm himself

Nurodivergent Vash!

(He/They)! Or (They/them) either works

Doing a stem degree while having ADHD and anxiety sucks so much but Vash thrives in it somehow

College has really been flaring up his plant traits lately, has to call Rem or talk to Nai on the weekly for help (Though Nai just keeps telling him to stop repressing it)

Has to wear long sleeves or hoodie a lot to cover up the feathering leaves that pop out.

Vash doesn't realize it but it's anxiety that's causing it, but Nai started lending him some compression shirts and so it's gotten better

BUFF DADBOD VASH (this idea possess me)

He's gotten better with dealing with stress and no longer resorts to starving himself

GOES TO THERAPY(one of these twins gotta do it)

Between Nai's cooking, drinking on the weekends, and the amount of donuts this dude can eat he's living his best life

Works out when he gets the time and bowls competitively

Wants a significant other (Mates for life) but it's so hard, especially when starts thinking about the fact he's not human

Has a fear of having someone he really loves and then them finding out he's a plant and reacting negatively. Vash thinks Nai and him would likely have to move back to the facility with Rem. He doesn't want to uproot the lifestyle him and his brother have

Gets a little depressed about it, but is really good with having a support group on standby

Gets hit on at bars a lot but it always flys over his head or they're too pushy about it.

Wolfwood sets him up with dates once in a blue moon but it goes horrible or the girls just don't like him for more than his looks

Physical touch is this man's love language and he just wants someone he can lean on

Add someone who likes doing domestic activities?? Y'all are going to the courthouse next week

Wants to just curl up next to someone even platonically at this point

Has an agreement with Nai sometimes that they sleep in the same bed like when they were kids (Nai always grumbles about it but sleeps better that night anyway)

Nsfw Below 👇

OH SHIT OH FUCK

(NSFW)

So I did some research today and did y'all know that wild purple geraniums have a tendency to be Hermaphrodites

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

Vash is a dual package (living the dream ong)

Plantussy and Plantdick combo meal

So I imagine that his dick would sit above his vulva and vagina? Testes would likely be internal (genuinely trying to form an anatomy basis I'm actually looking at a diagram rn)

As for his female organs I'd say he consented to a hysterectomy because it was causing growth issues (post op sucked but he figured it out)

Took testosterone for awhile until everything was functional

Became a lot more sexually comfortable with himself after this

6.5in prehensile tentacle dick, bumpy rounded ridges on the sides and little more on the girthy end

Has more of those downy soft petals that unfold during sex, and dick likely has a sheath because it's more fleshy (kinda like the inside of your mouth)

Hyperspremia and leaves a mess everytime he jerks off, squirts a lot too (probably got a dedicated bath towel at this point)

He has fucked himself with his own dick and usually prefers to

Owns quite a few sex toys and likes to experiment around a little bit

Goes from a Fleshlight, a regular dildo, has a couple fantasy ones, and anal and prostate toys

High sex drive, but can cum pretty quick (short recovery period, usually goes 3 rounds but can do more)

Rut is 10x worse too you'd be lucky to make it to the fridge

Makes sperm plugs during rut

SWITCH VASH(still a virgin though)

Desperate sex kinda guy, gets pussy drunk or cock dumb so easily, folds like a chair no matter what

Make him unfurl his wings out it means he trusts you so much

Please go down on him and absolutely devour him

Very sweet though and would definitely check in a lot (check in with him too it makes him feel fuzzy)

Has a sex awareness to not hurting you accidentally, during rut he's very nervous about it

Aftercare King (loves to shower or take a bath after)

More of a hickey giver than a biter

Usual kinks: Breeding, Pegging, Overstimulation, Cum play, cockwarming, Oral, Praise, Hair-pulling

Unusual: Blindfolding, Shibari(both ways around), Begging, wants to be degraded a little bit

Jesus my brain went wild there, I was doing research for some of this shit. Was supposed to be doing Geochemistry homework but this happened ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. Anyways gn y'all I got a 9am.

[utilitycaster]

Anon who asked about NADDPod here, thank you for your thoughts, that was very helpful! Definitely sounds like both NADDPod & Candela are worth trying. Man, I wish I was better at keeping up with multiple actual plays at once!

Re: my Brennan dislike (& feel free to skip if you don't want my negativity wrt him; I don't want to make anyone else feel bad for liking his stuff, just want to explain since you seemed curious) I can usually push through for things I'm otherwise invested in, but I find him really showboaty. Admittedly, my dislike/annoyance is heavily influenced by friends of mine who were friendly with him years ago. I hope he's grown up in the intrim & I don't think it's fair judging him based on some shit he said when he was college-aged, but it's also hard for me to unknow some of the stuff they've told me. (FWIW: I won't repeat any specifics, but before people jump to thinking worst case scenarios, it's all along the lines of "insufferable guy from college who you think is a tool says dumb shit that you side eye".)

Wrt actual plays, I've only seen him in Calamity & Downfall where he was obviously the DM, but, likely colored by all the above, I didn't like how much space he takes up in those. (In the first episode of Downfall, well over half is him speaking! I even double-checked by wordcount in a transcript! There are other people at the table, Brennan, & it is your job to invite them to play, not just monologue at them!) In Calamity, most of the RP is between him & a player character rather than between player characters. There are so many people at the table, but his DMing style seems to isolate them from each other & it means so much of the focus is on him! No clue if this is also a problem in D20 or if his player characters in various things take up a disproportionate amount of space, but it drives me up a wall for the two CR arcs, because I see the DM as someone who should be faciliating interaction between players at the table, which is not at all how he approaches Calamity & Downfall as a DM.

Anyway, not to make this all about my Brennan issues, just wanted to clarify. I do think I can probably push through 5 episodes with him, I will just grumble about it.

Hey anon, thanks for clarifying; obviously I feel differently but with that in mind, I do think NADDPod is the better option; I think most of the actual stylistic stuff (vs the personal friend-of-a-friend stuff which, to be clear, completely valid to feel, I have experienced that a few times with other semi-famous people where I'm like you're probably fine now but my friend thought you were annoying as shit before you were famous) is mitigated if he's not the GM, and while as a guest player he's definitely in some degree of focus, Brennan's arc is also deeply about Emily's character (and there's totally unrelated wild stuff going on with Jake's character) so I don't think it will feel like he's overwhelming the story, especially since it's 5 episodes out of 100 and well into the campaign.

[reverseblackholeofwords]

Hi, just wanted to remind you that I still love all the ego stuff you wrote. I was a big lurker during the time you actively wrote it but dude it was so fucking good.

When I think about the egos, I mostly think about your stuff bc it made the characters come to life. It was so good. I can’t say it enough.

The stuff I’m pulling from memory rn is Anti’s time in The Forgotten. Like my bro, my dude, my homie. That shit pulled at my heart. The fact that he was only gone for like a day or smt in our dimension but he had actually been gone for like 10 years in that dimension experiencing horrors unknown. AND NOBEDY KNEW???? Good shit.

The relationship between the Host and dr. Iplier. Still one of my fav bromances. Like the trust between them and how it was made through hardships. It came to a point where Host even trusted Doc with his name??? Which gave him power over Host, something he was so afraid of. Doc made him a better man. Stopped him from being too cruel. But than he had to forget it bc he went insane. BUT BECAUSE HOST IS AN ASS, HE MADE DOC AND ANTI FORGET EVERYTHING. My guy, that’s your platonic husband and adopted son. Yes I was screaming about that. That still gets me going.

There is so much other stuff too though. Like Anti and Doc becoming family. The egos all getting closer. Phantom being an absolute menace every time he appeared. The Googles becoming more and more human over time.

You introduced me to Wiggles. Didn’t know anything about PJ before I started reading your works.

What it all boils down to, is me wanting to thank you. I don’t know how you look back on those ego stories but it got me through some dark times. You updating it always made my day better. I still carry a piece of it with me everywhere I go and has also inspired me a lot. So thank you!

Oh man, thank you so much for taking time to send this! It's honestly insanely encouraging to hear those stories stuck with you. I still love them a lot myself, cringe or no, because they're such a fun time capsule of that period in my life, and this blog and all the people who followed it (lurkers and all) also helped me get through college in one piece.

Gosh I did put Anti through so much, but in my defense, it was for character development! He and Ollie were always one of my favorite dynamics to write, personally. I mean, the computer glitch demon and the sentient android with a heart of gold? I still haven't made up something that good since. Also the Mare and Phantom dynamic, which they were always managing to screw up somehow. Unhealthy sibling dynamics are the best.

It's also insane that so much of the Host stuck with you because he was always my favorite to write and the one that felt the most like mine at the end of the day. The fact that Mark announced he'd retired him as a character and we all collectively agreed to kidnap him and give him a story is still one of this fandom's shining moments in my mind. In fact, I've kinda snagged Host for different original stories I'm writing now just because I miss writing him so much. I've also kept The Forgotten as a concept, which is definitely getting used in a setting I'm working on now because the angst potential is indeed too good to deny.

Also, while we're strolling down memory lane, what one writer gets to wipe their entire canon midway through and start over again in an alternate timeline whilst using references to the previous timeline to terrorize their readers? Ending one timeline of the blog to begin another was a wild but fascinating experiment on my part to see how I could use it to play with foreshadowing and all that jazz. Plus nothing will ever quite beat letting the audience reach into the narrative and start making their own waves from time to time.

But even though I do mostly original stories now, I'm still loving writing found families and platonic soulmates and maybe the redeeming of one or two villains, so I appreciate all the practice and the feedback I got from these stories! I'll probably keep sneaking Ego references into my stories forever. I'd also be curious to know which story arcs stuck with other people??

[shipskicksandgiggles]

dialogue prompts

hi! I'm ellis, and for the past 4 years I've been a college student and have had a very normal time about it, evidenced by the very normal collection of sentences I have heard and said during my time in college that make for fantastic fic prompts for me and anyone else to use as inspiration. this list was delayed because while school has been over with for a month now, this is my last college list since I graduated, but I realized it will very likely not be my last list, because people say insane shit to me all the time and I am never at a loss for material. anywhom, yall know the drill, pick a number, a fandom, and a ship or dynamic and send them my way!

“My life is so weird, I just wrote an email with the subject line ‘Eggs’.”

“I know I texted you at 3am but this is on brand for me. Why are you awake?”

“Yeah we went and picked up six dozen eggs and pet five dogs. It was a good day.” “What the hell are you doing?”

“Hey I have a soup related question.”

“He’s like if a shitty hot water heater was a person.”

“Do you think my students know that I have a personal life? I don’t think they even realize I’m a person.”

“Is this like, your big girl job?” “No, it’s a job in my field and I want to move closer to it, but it’s not my ‘big girl job’. Yes, it’s my big girl job, why wouldn’t it be?”

“I’m invested in drama from my town that happened over a hundred years ago. Like I want to know what the ice cream incident of the mid-1880s was.”

“I’m actively crying in the parking lot of a gas station but it’s okay because it’s funny.” “How?” “Don’t think about it, life is a cosmic joke.”

“I’m known as the egg guy now.” 

“I sort of called my mom a bad parent and now I think she’s actually reevaluating how she’s treated me and it’s kind of wild.” 

“I don’t want to be a baby cop.”

“I’m having a weird day.” “You don’t have normal days.”

“I’m all for gut feelings, but this is a man we’re talking about, not your education or your job.”

“So good news, we got a new fridge. Bad news, it’s small.”

“Maintenance introduced me to the new guy which concerns me. Like hey, come meet the guy who hasn’t had a normal problem ever!”

“Oh shit.” “Did you just get a bloody nose?” “Yeah.”

“My mom loves you more.” “That’s because I’m delightful.”

“Did I ever tell you about the time I physically moved a guy because he didn’t want to listen to me?”

“What do you mean you've never done this before?” “Why would I lie?”

“Hey are you mad at me?” “No, should I be mad at you?” “I don’t think so, our boss just said you were.” “If I was, I forgot why, so you’re good.”

“The security guy keeps asking if I’m okay. I swear, you cry in front of a man one time.”

“You just have to tell people how it is sometimes. Wait, is that why people are scared of me?” “Oh I’m absolutely terrified of you.”

“I need to call them back. Oh nevermind, speak of the devil!” “Are you kidding? Was that a joke?”

“I’ll meet you there, I just need to go cry in my car for a minute first.” “Why are we crying?”

“Listen, I invited you because I knew you were going to be the conversational one.” “And then I had a mental breakdown 20 minutes before we showed up?” “Yeah, that was scary. Don't do that again please.”

“I think when people see you cry it’s like seeing an adult man cry. Like no one knows what to do and something is obviously very wrong because that never happens.”

“I would not trust a single one of you to drive my car. Except maybe you.” “I’m a great driver, that’s a solid call.”

“I’m going to bleed out through my nose.”

“Aww, that’s so gay.” “Honey, we are gay.”

“I think we keep saying things without saying them. And I think I’m going to actually say it.” “You’re going to get killed.” “That’s okay.”

“Is your kid going to be there?” ���Maybe. Would you come if I said yes?” “Yes.”

“Hey the power’s out.” “What? Mom, I need to call you back.”

“I don’t think that’s your autism, I think that’s your OCD.” “My what? I’m not OCD.” “Oh honey, are you in a headspace to learn something about yourself?”

“I think today is just unlucky. You’re getting a trial by fire moment just like I did last year.” 

“Are we taking the ramp?” “I’m in a wheelchair, do you want me to take the stairs?”

“My sister texted me to see if you’re okay.” “Your sister has my number.”

“You good?” “I’m going to go home and take an ibuprofen.”

“I think you committed too hard to the bit.” “I definitely committed too hard to the bit.”

“Please tell me you also don’t like Taylor Swift.” “Are we about to become best friends?”

“Oh yeah, the one testicle, six toes, and he’s related to Hitler incident. I remember that.”

“Are you in a place emotionally where I can be sappy?” “No.” “When will you be?” “Never.”

“Wait, I have something for you.” “Is it a knife?”

“I’m going to cancel this trip if you don’t get it together, you’re all terrible people.”

“Why do none of the grown adult men in this room know how to tie a tie?”

“Can you come pick me up?” “It’s 1:30 in the morning, where are you?” “Downtown, I found a cat.”

“How did you fall asleep with the lights on?”

“I don’t know shit about fuck.”

“The era of country music a person listens to can tell you a lot.” “I listen to a lot of Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson.” “Stoner country, I respect it.”

“You know a lot of Taylor Swift lyrics for someone who hates Taylor Swift.” “Don’t talk to me.”

[kaythefloppa]

Wild Kratts - Fish Out of Water Review [Spoilers]

April is finally here, and with it, three new episodes have been released on the PBS Kids Video App ahead of their release. At the time I'm posting this, it is midnight and the one hour special "Our Blue and Green World" is yet to air on televison and streaming, so I will get to that when I get to that. Given that I have already reviewed No Name Dream and Backpack the Camel, I'll give a review to this episode as well. Spoiler warning and opinions ahead under the cut

First New York, then Hawaii, and now a goddamn University on the list of areas I would never expect these guys to film. Bros are everywhere.

As someone who is about to graduate high school, I feel IMMENSELY jealous of the college students who saw the motherfucking Kratt Brothers filming an episode on campus. I can already begin to see the floods of social media posts bragging about this on Tumblr and Twitter threads.

Ok I feel bad for being a bit salty earlier, I actually think it's really sweet how these people outside of the show can share their interests and expertise in biology and physics to help children educate. The entire live-action opening where they study the locomotion of mudskippers is honestly really sweet, and we haven't even gotten to our main animal yet!

God these are such cute animals. But beyond that, the term "fish out of water" could not be a more fitting title. They have joints like we do, can adapt to different environments, and can swim and climb like we can. This is probably my favorite live action segment because of how well structured the clips and movements are and just how fun it is seeing these little blorbs move around the place.

I should talk about how it took us half a decade to see a mudskipper on the show, and 13 years overall to get a focus episode, but so far, up to a great start and definitely worth waiting (for the most part).

Oh so is it like the Hermit Crab episode where in all of the official releases they leave out the determiner but in the actual episode it's there? This has no overall bearing on the episode but I just felt the need to point it out.

I should check off on my S7 bingo card about seeing the old inventions again because holy shit it's been almost a decade since we saw the Butterflier XT

Also can anyone identify those butterflies? I know for a FACT that those motherfuckers aren't monarchs because of their patterns (the only pattern variation in butterflies is sex-linked, and while I'm aware they live in Asia, this again, does not look like a match) but they also aren't viceroys because they lack the line around their wings. I only ask this to bring up my next point.

I thought the Butterfly Disc we saw in Season 1 was specifically programmed based off of Monarch Butterflies. But as established (until proven wrong), these are not monarch butterflies. So unless Aviva retrofitted or reprogrammed the disc to be multi-familial, as in they can touch any butterfly regardless of classification and activate accordingly (like with the Crocodile, Dragonfly, and Gecko Discs), the activation should not work. I only ask this because while it seems miniscule, Chris' decision to bring out the disc is what sets off the plot - It's what causes him to loose the discs in the butterfly swarm, so I feel like, while not a critique, it's a legitimate question as to the direct programming of the discs vs. the animals used to activate.

Man, Zach wasn't even in this episode and somehow they STILL lose their discs? (Actually, I am pleasantly surprised that they didn't take the opportunity to have this be a Zach-related episode).

You think they'd put a tracker on the collection or encode a chip the actual discs so that they wouldn't get lost this easily. This again, sounds like a nitpick, but earlier seasons set up a firewall for the Creature Power Discs and a tracking device/rocket-device on the Creature Power Suits and gloves because of how frequent these types of contingiences are, so there's really no excuse for this.

(Suck my ass PBS Kids Video App, I'm still able to get high quality snips even with your bullshit formatting!!!)

They really went all out with the "other-wordly" vibe that the mudskippers' territory gave off. Once again, we waited two years for this to be put to animation and to see come air.

I've made enough jokes around these situations in the show, so I think we'd all benefit if I just changed the subject: That front-facing mudskipper is fucking hilarious.

*Martin's voice* - Slimy Skin-breathers!

Okay, but I actually did not know that. At all. Even 10 years later, this show is still teaching me new things about animals in the most beautfully unexpected ways. This is one of the many reasons I will never give up on the show.

[Unexpected angst in bagging area - Also, with the inclusion of No Name Dream, which will air two days before this episode, that brings our Krangstt quota to #2]

Okay so I really like the set-up here, and it genuinely was a surprise seeing Jimmy angst in this episode as a subplot in a series that rarely operates on A-plots and B-plots (unless you count the villains' schemes which are usually just A^2 plots) like most shows. And as someone who legitimately was going through rough times (S7 was actually one of my few reasons to keep going), I heavily related to Jimmy. So yeah, a Jimmy angst episode? Can totally buy. What I'm not gonna buy is how they execute it with the ending, because that and the implications.... yikes...

C'mon! "Mudspitter" was right there! Right there!

Ok, here is where my main problem with this episode's subplot is. If I could boil it down to one word, it would be: Incomplete. Jimmy feeling inadequate based on an observation he made is one thing. Him immediately leaving afterwards on a whim moments after said observation is completely another and doesn't align that well.

Like, this would only work if Jimmy had attempted to be a fish "IN" water. If he tried to help Aviva and Koki with the data-research and inventing, but he failed, and they politely turned him down. Or if there was any basis as to why he suddenly disregards his piloting skills or teleporting, whether he doesn't care or doesn't think them to be enough for him to fit in. Like, he wants to be in on the action because some part of him doesn't feel like sitting around by the teleporter is enough. What I'm saying is, there is no pathos. I personally find it to be relatable, but on a narrative level, it doesn't work. I know the "character feeling left out so they leave" thing is cliche'd, but there's a reason it's a cliche, and that's because it follows a lot of writing beats that this particular episode doesn't, so on top of being cliche'd as fuck to begin with, it feels very awkward. And this is going to be apparent both here and in this episode's climax (which I also do not have many kind words for,) so I had to use my allotted time to talk about why this doesn't work.

Could... could they not call him on his Creaturepod? Could the brothers not call him on his Pod? Did he even have his Creaturepod?? Again, there are so many plot-holes in this B-story that could've easily been written around with a change of dialogue or scenery. Have Jimmy's Creaturepod be shown left lying around which makes them realize they have no way of getting him back to the teleporter in time. Jimmy would have no reason to even bring his Creaturepod on his adventure, so that just raises even more questions. Like, this isn't an active diss on the writers, but I think there should've been more proof-reading of the script since this is a massive oversight.

I think now is the time for me to bring up this question I've had for years now; How exactly does the teleporter work? In several episodes, we've seen that there is a coordinate code in the teleporter that allows it to be sent to the target. Koki's "the communication queen" as Aviva puts it, so she'd likely be able to triangulate the brothers' location. So I'm not sure why the show presents this as a struggle for Koki. This isn't the only example, so I won't hold it against the episode, (they have this be the case specifically to emphasize the point that they need Jimmy, which I can forgive) but it's another piece of lore that I should probably theorize about lmao.

Also

YOU HAVE LITERALLY TELPORTED THE CREATURE POWER DISCS FOUR TIMES.

TWO OF THOSE TIMES BEING IN A ROW.

AND ONE OF THEM WAS FOUR EPISODES AGO IN THIS EXACT SAME SEASON.

This whole episode spent the past five minutes making its main characters look incredibly idiotic for the sake of its B plot.

Once again, this episode's spitting facts that I didn't even know.

This is actually a neat seguay, having the brothers figure out the abilities of the mudskippers while exercising their own cool abilities. It feels really natural, and again, is an inventive way to show off the locomotive abilities of the mudskipper.

I feel like this falls very well between "accurate enough to be admirable" and "uncanny." I can (maybe on my deathbed) get used to this suit's design (though I'm partly glad Chris doesn't activate it because spoilers, he doesn't).

I've given this subplot a lot of flack, but credit where it's due, even with its misses, it does hit with the emotional beats.

Very conflicted on this:

On one hand, Jimmy actually taking the initiative to miniaturize is pretty ballsy. The show, despite not being serialized, does develop its characters in a way that you can sense a clear difference of them when you compare the modern seasons to the earlier ones. And this can be seen as a positive development for Jimmy, since it's his "Creature Adventure."

On the other hand.... back to what I was saying about consistency. Why did Jimmy bring the miniaturizer?? What was his prompting?? Was he planning on shrinking himself down the whole time? Like, he left his friends for god knows how much time and is now out of nowhere shrinking himself down to fish size because he feels inadequate? Uhm, Jimmy, ever heard the idea of therapy?

Also, again, very weird presentation of the episode. They don't at all put any attention to Jimmy's coms and whether or not he has them, (which would easily solve a bigger issue of why he's not contacted), yet they have him carry the Miniaturizer with him. Now, the latter is plot-relevant, but so could've been something about the Creaturepod.

This [from what I interpret] gets Jimmy out of his slump, making his "scientific discovery." Not realizing that his job of piloting and teleporting are equally important. Again, this is structured poorly. I like what they were going for, but it shouldn't have been the only thing that altered the trajectory of this subplot. Again, he can teleport discs to the brothers and pilot and while those are mentioned later on, it's not something he comes to himself in an "oh shit" moment. So this just feels unearned and weird. I really hate how harsh I am, since it's a Jimmy centric episode and it was the #1 requested thing on all the chat-boards during the hiatus, but this is one of those things where it has to be done right if at all. This isn't done right, and the fact that it takes up 50% of the episode just... ugh.

You can't tell it through screenshots but with the way Aviva says it and the scene cutting to her and Koki laughing at it, I'm 98% inclined that this was a specific innuendo, and ngl, I kinda laughed too.

Oh look, it's Kenge's cousin! [For you Lion Guard fans that also recognize Wild Kratts] - [I was inclined to make a reference to Jessie, but that felt in bad taste considering y'know]

Ok, but that has to be an Asian water monitor. Correct me if I'm wrong. What I'm definitely not wrong about is that their bites contain venom; To a human it's not lethal, however to small prey, including mudskippers, or anything around that size, it's lights out. So yeah, Chris and Martin are fucked.

Ok this line is absolutely badass.

Also, grey?? Grey?? I thought Jimmy's signature color was orange/yellow? Or red with the implication of the tail episode? Great, now there's another color that'll be in the debates for his future Creature Power Suit.

Once again, this arc feels weirdly put together. This notion comes up specifically at the climax when it should come up beforehand as Jimmy realizes his worth. Because otherwise, it gives the implication that he knew this all along and yet still felt like a fish out of water, which doesn't mesh together properly (it could, if the episode actually tried to do so which it didn't).

The episode, Sea Otter Swim, does this plot so much better. We see Jimmy's doubts, and we see how he overcomes said doubts in a way that is presented clear to the audience, and the climax where he actually realizes what he's capable of feels earned. This is not earned. So even though I am rooting for him to win, this whole thing just feels messy.

So is nobody gonna ask why Jimmy left his post? Is Jimmy not gonna tell everyone why he left, or at the very least ask why nobody bothered to call for him? Is nobody going to at least let Jimmy know that he can't just... abandon his post without warning because of the fact that they need him? Is Jimmy not going to come to that conclusion himself? Is anything in this episode gonna be earned??

This entire ending feels like an ass-pull: First off, Jimmy and the brothers had enough time to head back to the miniaturizer and then the Tortuga, and in none of that time, did Jimmy ever give them the Power Discs? Why? Yes, it was for the sake of the fake-out defeat/joke, but was there any reason why Jimmy just kept the thing hidden waiting to give it to the brothers?

The entire emotional climax to this episode is basically everyone putting Jimmy on a pedestal. It's unsatisfying because there wasn't any acknowledgement or follow up to Jimmy's conflict at the beginning, nor is the lesson learned in the right way, and the conclusion just overreacts by hyping up Jimmy instead of just having a reasonable "We're a team!" thing, or through any self-actualization of his good qualities that Koki pointed out. None of it, friggin' none of this is earned! Now it comes across as Jimmy being uncharacterstically boastful and cocky and the others just kissing his arse. That's probably not the intent but it was the result.

That is actually like, so fucking cool. I have massive respect for all of these people, like legitimately (also, considerning that's the exact opposite of what Zach does on an ethics scale, I find that really interesting). But beyond that, I think this episode has the best live action segments ever, they are so ingenuitive. I could easily see someone at my high school showing a clip of this episode in robotics' or biology class.

CONCLUSION:

PROS:

The live action segments.

The info dumps about the mudskippers.

The Kratt Brother's adventure with the mudskippers.

The animation

The background music (a lot of which is recycled from earlier seasons)

CONS:

Everything else (specifically the B plot). I feel like the writers wanted to give Jimmy his own storyline, either out of interest or seeing how popular the character was in chat-boards, but they didn't know how to do it so they just went through the motions without really connecting anything at all, so it's a lot harder relating to the exact conflicts in some cases, and you feel disatisfied by the cimax. It reminds me of what they did with Vitani in the Lion Guard finale, a case of giving this one character the spotlight, but hitting all of the wrong marks that does the character and the audience a disservice and leaves a bitter taste in the viewer's mouth by the end credits.

This is the first episode this season that has made me cringe, primarily off of its premise, not just a particular scene, a dated pop culture reference, or a weird-looking Power Suit. It is the first to make me cringe because of its story, which again, the B-plot takes up 50% of the episode, so it's constantly in your face. It's definitely not bad, not hateable bad, and it's far too early in the season to call it the worst, and there are definitely worse episodes out there, ones that have aired and ones that probably will inevitably air, but I can safely say, thus far, it's the one Wild Kratts episode that I enjoy, but only to an extent. The live action segments were by far the only thing that I got extremely engaged in, but other than that, and the other pros, it's not that good.

Final Ranking: 6/10: Above Average, but Needed Improvement.

[doberbutts]

I think it's also wild the way people assume the stealth experience is roses and butterflies. I went stealth+DL about being gay for about 2 years at work in order to be able to work in a trade where people generally skew extremely homophobic/transphobic/misogynistic. I had been on T long enough to pass reliably so I thought, ok, cool, this is where my life as a Normal Guy kicks in, this is where I get to flex the old Male Privilege and work in an industry culture that is toxic to everyone but cishet men.

and I mean yeah, materially? I did okay in my profession, I was good at what I did. People were pretty chill to me because my only major flaw to them was being the New Kid, a problem that eased with time. I did have a female coworker who I learned dealt with some hazing that I didn't. I will say, in that particular situation, I had some privilege over her since my sexist coworkers never said anything to me the way they said shit to her.

but here's the thing - I still heard all of it. The gross misogynistic things they were saying were not meant to be about me, but they sure as hell were anyway.

but oh, boo hoo, I had to hear remarks, but you know, I didn't face any actual barriers or opposition right? yeah, okay, I guess not, and I'm not saying it would have been better to be out in this scenario, or to be a woman, but there's a reason I ended up leaving that field. walking into work and feeling like - no, knowing - you have to lie to all your coworkers and your boss every single day or else they'll hate you and treat you like shit is not a great feeling. you never have a truly good day when that is always at the back of your mind no matter what. you never develop genuine friendships or connections at work if they're all built on lies.

I ended up getting so burned out. it was a good job, a union job, and I was making a good income. I had a path upwards to make *great* income if I had stuck with it long-term. but I ended up leaving it for a non-union job at a younger company, with a more "hip" HR culture that seemed like maybe I would be in a better place emotionally. I took a pay cut to do that too. but a lot of my new coworkers had the same attitudes as my old ones - the first week I was there, one of the other employees went around the shop asking each person, "if Kylie Jenner was trans, as in, used to be a man, would you still fuck her?" and most people, including the fucking foreman, said "fuck no." I ended up saying something like "it makes no difference to me, sure, fine, she's not my type anyway" (having to not reveal I was trans and also not reveal that I prefer men), and right in that moment I realized this wouldn't be a place I could be open either, and it would feel the same as the old place.

so the burnout for that job came much quicker. I quit after only a couple of months. I did actually end up telling the HR manager why, given that this company actually had one, but she was the only person at the job who ever knew I was trans (since she saw it on my background check anyway).

so yeah like, being stealth at work? it's not a privilege. it's a defense mechanism, and it feels like shit. you feel every transphobic and misogynistic barb even if it's not meant for you. one could argue that I would have never even been able to get those jobs if I were out, and yeah, maybe, that's possible, but I had female coworkers at both places. And yeah, one could also argue that, in terms of pay, I was likely doing better than my female coworkers. And you might be right about that if I hadn't gotten burnt out and quit before having a chance to build up any kind of seniority. But instead I took pay cut after pay cut until I finally decided to put my life in full reverse and go back to college - where I had struggled severely due to mental illness, and still do - since trades were clearly not the place for me.

I'm just really sick of people who have never actually lived what it's like to have that "male privilege" of being a stealth trans man deciding it's just the great, most ideal way you can exist as a trans person. I'm sure there are some stealth trans men who were able to adapt to that environment that I wasn't. but at what fucking cost?

I have a friend who worked a military job training the bomb dogs. He is 100% stealth to the point where even people who know, who have seen him naked and even had sex with him, often forget that he's transgender and why he has that barrier of access to some things if he wants to remain stealth.

The type of shit that people would just. Say to him. And he was always having to balance saying something or keeping quiet so as not to draw too much attention to his status as transgender. He was provided room and board by his job and thus lived with 5-6 similarly aged cis men in the same house and the amount of dodging them and biting his tongue he had to do to just to survive... And the job wouldn't be chill if they found out, the talk he'd heard made it very clear that he was at all times operating with a noose around his neck ready to tighten at the very first infraction.

Anyway that's what passing privilege is. Is your life somewhat better because you pass well enough that no one questions you? I mean I guess technically. But what happens in the mean time to your mental health? Having to hide large aspects of yourself and constantly worrying and looking over your shoulder to make sure no one is looking too hard at your hips or your hands or your chest. My friend is post-op. He's "done", so to speak, outside of taking testosterone. And yet this was still something he had to keep in mind.

He ended up leaving that job due to some Stupid Workplace Bullshit unrelated to his gender status but he told me that honestly it was also a huge sigh of relief. The money he got was great but it was corroding his soul to stay. He ended up taking a pay cut and working elsewhere that he is still stealth but no longer feels like he's got an axe to his neck in every interaction.

[cinamun]

This line from shygirlsimmer "Sean really doesn’t owe him any form of loyalty just like he left Jayce alone cuz he didn’t owe him loyalty either…but Mercy…" has been stuck in my head for a while now and I want to ask this what loyalty does Mercy owe Bishop? Bishop has been treating Mercy like an object from the very beginning, isolating her from her son, keeping tabs on her, checking her phone, legit stalking this woman for no reason. I don't know if he has a valid reason for doing all this and if he does have one I don't give a fuck.

She doesn't owe him loyalty.

HE OWES HER FUCKING PEACE OF MIND!

Mercy shouldn't be looking over her shoulder, she shouldn't be stressing about him showing up like how he did, she shouldn't be worried about herself the way she is with Bishop around. She's allowed to be a grown ass woman and do whatever she wants which is moving on and trying to find herself a healthy relationship that isn't with a toxic piece of shit.

I'm sorry for being so mad but this happened to my mom, and I can't get over it.

Oof, friend... don't apologize at all ever and you shouldn't get over it, that's your mom! But lets get into it though because this level of toxic is very common, we just hide it well.... and I love to write about the secrets we don't tell.

*starts prepping wings for tomorrow morning, hands you a lemon*

To you and to me and to everyone else in the Reading Room™ he doesn't owe her shit but less headaches, stress and manipulation. He owes her peace of mind exactly as you said.

But he's Bishop. He's not a man who will give a shit about that. He cares about nothing but himself and what you can provide for him. He will absolutely throw you away or worse if you can no longer serve a purpose. As for now at least, he might be capable of growth, he's getting older.... I can't call it.....

Remember how they met; her husband had just died in the worst way and Bishop somehow magically escaped prison after 30 years. So imagine the level of codependency there...

So when we say "but Mercy..." its because a man like Bishop will put loyalty over a lot of shit. Loyalty is everything to men like him and will get you killed if you fuck that up. He is absolutely one to expect and demand loyalty from Mercy who HE feels carried him during a time when he literally had nowhere to go but underground. A very vulnerable time for him.

She hit him with the lobster mac, some good pussy and it was a wrap. She even put his needs before her son's (think back to him coming home from college and her basically telling him to buy a house.... shit was wild). She's actually IS loyal to him, honestly.

What we see now is ... well... stay tuned friend.

I'm sorry its heavy for you and you don't have to apologize. Men like this just fucking exist unfortunately, and as frustrating as Mercy can be when it comes to him, I haven't completely given up hope for her..... yet.