#and i'm not even exactly sure why
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#fuck#tw depression#feel free to ignore#my mental state took a sudden nosedive in the last 30 mins#and i feel awful#more awful than i have in months#i just keep crying#and i'm not even exactly sure why#but i just feel so bad and lost and as if i just lost something or someone#this feels like unconsolable grief#only there is nothing to grieve#so i'm just so so sad that i can't stand it and i don't know how to help myself
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Recently had a silly Handplates dream where Papyrus was trying to snoop around Gaster and Alphys’ lab, but didn’t know who Alphys was and so was trying to pass it off as his own lab lol (Patreon)
#Doodles#Dream log#UT#Handplates#Papyrus#Gaster#Sans#Alphys#And also he was Big Brother Papyrus to a babybones Sans lol#I doodled them as close to the dream as possible so if it's silly or doesn't make sense take it up with my subconscious lol#I remember Gaster had a reputation for being very charming and charismatic which ?? Sure okay lol#He was also quite smiley - personally I read that as him putting on a face to the public but even that seems out of character for him lol#Everyone else was pretty much as usual - Alphys small and nervous and Papyrus loud and bombastic#I don't remember what exactly he was looking for - doubly weird 'cause I hadn't reread him and Sans exploring yet! :0#Just of them moving into their house - though I did read a bunch just before sleeping so safe to say I can attribute that lol#This was the only really clear part of the dream - the rest was just scrolling scrolling scrolling pages and pages of comic panels#Can't imagine why lol#Also intercut with some of the poses I ended up doodling before - surprise! They were dream doodles lol#Also in case it's not clear - Alphys was Very Much Present while Papyrus was trying to pass himself off as the name on the door lol#Oh yeah I'm pretty sure he was also speaking in WingDings thus why Alphys didn't immediately call him out lol#The room was quite cute actually - not at all the sterile grey of the True Lab#Warm and wooden with high windows nearly covered in clutter and paperwork with a desk in the middle lit by yellow light#Cozy#Barely evil-looking at all
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#arbok#long#muncher#yeah it's. it's exactly what you thought it would be. bonus muncher under the cut for a more traditional angle once again#this one isn't even from the front. this one's from behind. but it won by a significant margin#anyway i haven't been giving a ton of commentary on the pokémon themselves like i used to do so#arbok is. kobra backwards. and as boring as that is‚ i still like its design#i think ekans is cute and all but arbok has that like. cool face on its neck. idk why that's there but i'm sure it's based off a real life#animal‚ especially considering it's all the way back in gen 1
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I guess the ultimate thing that kills CF for me - or at least nudges it away from me saying I definitively like it - is just how much Edelgard is clearly written with the player in mind before she's written with her character in mind.
Because on all of the other routes, there's a power to Edelgard's presence. Even on BE, there's a sense that for as lonely as Edelgard might be, she still ultimately will do whatever it takes for her to get what she wants. Be that be killing her citizens (or otherwise letting them be killed), endangering her friends, assisting in kidnapping people, allowing Byleth to support her only when they have the Sword of the Creator, covering for TWS - no bar is too low for her to limbo under if doing so means she's even a step closer to her goals.
She's manipulative! She's deceitful! She doesn't care for the lives of her people! Even her friends are forfeit if they try to stand in her way! And this happens no matter how close you, the player, get to her, in the case of BE - C+ ain't stoppin' Remire, and going to the coronation ain't stopping the Holy Tomb.
And in the war phase, she is dominating the field. She has the Kingdom completely on the ropes, down to a few houses standing against Imperial rule, and the Alliance is stuck in neutrality - she may not be able to do much to it, but neither can they do anything to her (to say nothing of the Alliance houses who stand with her). She's far from the underdog in this race, and she shows off how threatening she can be.
CF? Her route?
She scweams at scawy rats. She gets embawwassed when you find her dwawings. She's just so wonewy, and she's just so gwad that you chose her. She somehow fails to capture Rhea, or frame Dimitri for regicide, and so now has to deal with that on the Kingdom's side of the war. But that doesn't stop Elly Welly-kins fwom twying to find her pwecious teacher, because you're just so important to her. She cwies and hugs you when you meet her in the Goddess Tower!! Because she missed you so much!!
It's like... Dimitri and Claude certainly show different sides of themselves on their respective routes. It's the whole point! You grow closer to them and thus see how they treat those close to them, as opposed to being the Kinda Neat Teacher they see run along every now and then. But, like... Claude doesn't become a blushing maiden whenever Byleth speaks with him on VW. Dimitri doesn't scream at scary rats and get called cute for it on AM. They don't get Basic Bitch Gap Moe Traits slapped onto them that are only ever shown to the player and only on their routes. Unlike Edelgard.
Dimitri's endearing trait is that he's this big huge dude who can bench-press forests and arm-wrestle god who still wants to learn to sew and who teaches kids to protect themselves and who buys candies for his friends. Claude's endearing trait is that he's this mastermind planner who has contingency and lie and obfuscation as three separate legal government names who still wants everyone to be safe and happy and hold hands and be friends.
Edelgard is strong, confident, and willing to do some of the shittiest things known to man for her goals. Her endearing trait is that her screams are cute. She's shy about her drawings of the player character. She blushes over the player potentially joking about having sex with her per her JPN version of her C support; you know, the one about how Byleth walks in on Edelgard muttering in her sleep from a nightmare about her tortured family? Perfect time to joke about fucking her! Dimitri and Claude's endearments are, well, endearing; Edelgard's are all straight up embarrassing for her.
Hell, even the smaller stuff is affected! Claude's passion for poisons and mushrooms are things he has no qualms about having others know about, despite how weird they are. Dimitri laughing at shitty jokes brings him no personal discomfort or embarrassment, despite just how loudly he laughs at them. They have traits to them that can easily be uwu worthy, and they don't care! Of the lords, only Edelgard does! Because, it feels like, the only way for a strong, resolute female character to come off as approachable is if she's knocked down a few pegs for specifically and only you, the player.
And that sucks ass! I'm sorry, but when I'm playing Edelgard's route I don't want to deal with her hiding herself away in her room for a month IN THE MIDDLE OF HER FUCKING WAR because she's just so embawwassed! It is so fucking insensitive that Edelgard is literally the only lord of the three who can have her trauma openly belittled at any point in the story by Byleth, all to have some cheap cutesy uwu moment about her fear of rats (calling her screaming in fear cute and INSISTING that it's really cute which is just. Fucking ew man)! Why can we fucking mock Edelgard's manner of speech during the MASSACRE OF REMIRE?
This shit doesn't happen to Claude or Dimitri! And saying "oh just don't pick those options then" is bullshit because no equivalent options exist for the male lords! It's piss-boilingly annoying that the second you choose to see things from the strong confident villainous ambitious female lord's perspective you can reduce her down to this bumbling moeblob just for you (sometimes unavoidably!) like!! Dude!
#legit not even sure what to tag this because for once I'm going to bat for Edelgard LMAO her writing treats her BAD when it comes to this#this is also a huge thing that fucks me off from liking Edel/eth because Byleth can be SUCH a huge fucking dick to her for no reason#and can be UNIQUELY mean to her for no reason. off the cuff i can't think of another character you can have Byleth act like this to#and most of this shit is well before Byleth as a character has any real reason to actively dislike her so they're just.#bullying Edelgard for fun?? I guess??#among uh. other reasons the ship doesn't exactly Work Out lmao#but yeah for CF it really REALLY brings down my ability to enjoy it fully despite me REALLY wanting to#because it encapsulates just how like. shallowly Edelgard can be written?#because it's not just that no character can meaningfully react to everything she's done (though that is a huge factor too)#but also as SOON as the writing wants you to REALLY like her it goes out of its way to diminish her powerful presence and UwU her#and not to say that she doesn't have her powerful moments - she does! and they're really great to see!#but that her cutesy moments stand out SO much BECAUSE the other two lords very noticeably have nothing akin to that for them#like. you can't jokingly call Claude a loser for having no friends growing up due to the racism he faced#you can't pretend to be one of voices Dimitri hears to fuck with him#you straight up CANNOT joke about their trauma which like. duh?? why would you??#but Edelgard just woke up from a horrible nightmare and that's just the perfect setup for a sex joke#and it's perfectly fine to joke about forgetting what Edelgard said about her trauma she opened up to them about cuz ''she said to forget''#and it's a-okay for Byleth to brush off her opening up about why she has a rat phobia to embarrass her over drawing them#WHY CAN YOU DO THIS. or better yet WHY *CAN'T* YOU DO THIS TO THE OTHER TWO.#it is just so brazenly sexist and i hate it every time i think about it 😭
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Inspired by this post: give Bruce a star sapphire ring
I've never met anyone who cared as deeply for his fellow man as Bruce Wayne
#imagine with me an 18 year old Bruce standing at the mouth of The Alley on the night of The Anniversary#he holds two roses in his hand. he isn't sure if he wants to run away or lie down right there more.#and then a shooting star drops out of the sky#and it hovers in front of him#and says 'for hearts long lost and full of fright'#and 'for those alone on blackest night'#and Bruce accepts the ring and the oath#it's one he already swore to his parents anyway#i mean he's still gonna do his world tour training#he's not gonna be caught unable to fight if he loses the ring or it runs out of power!#also i think he's uh. not exactly like. connected with any of the other star sapphires much#so like he really has no idea what's going on#he's heard of green lantern#he figures he's a purple/violet/starsapphire lantern#but like he also isn't exactly. introducing himself much#gotham kids call him the star man#gotham goons call him the violent lantern#yes he would be much stronger in a group of star sapphires#no he isn't gonna do that though#and i mean fair i guess#he's a mid or even low powered compared to other purple lanterns#but there aren't any other lanterns in Gotham. and he doesn't need his ring for most of his fights anyway.#'oh pocket there's already a starman in-' shh. that's why it's star dash man. random Gotham kids also don't know don't care#ok I'm gonna go back to work now ughhhhh#my art#Alt text
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Ok I know I'm heavily biased here but like I kinda love that Astarion's romance is one of the few in this type of video game where you basically end up canonically unmarried and childfree in his "good" ending? Just travelling the world??
Like it's honestly the millennial dream lmfaoo cannot believe i chose what would undoubtedly be my favorite option, first try
#also love that he's basically atheist like ok thanks you made the man exactly coded to be my type#and the humor and beautiful curly hair is very much something my IRL partner has too so like... how can i resist#anyways not sure a lot of people relate cause i think a lot of people want that fairytale romance#even tho wyll is right there yall#but i love me an unconventional or nontraditional one!!#i'm TIRED of being married with children as the endgame pls let's not do it#also a lot of people seem into him being a dad and im like... how? why? where in canon did he ever lmfao#more power to ya if you dig it but i just dont see it being in character#like in DAI i loved cullen and my inquisitor getting married and having a dog#and they seem the type to wants kids one day. but Tav & Astarion? lol no#i just think it's neat#is this a hot take? i have no idea but i don't see it mentioned a lot as a new fan tbh#pls do not come at me you can enjoy whatever you like#i haven't seen the ascended stuff so idk if being his 'consort' is like being his bride#but i feel like overall it's not and the vibe isn't all that different in this sense#except that you're hosting evil parties instead of travelling :/#Astarion#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#bg3#also YEA he's nice to Arabella but you can tolerate certain kids without wanting one or being 'good parent' material#case in point: me lmfao#OKAY update i saw the AA stuff and yeah you're kind of implied vamp married and he does mention spawn as children 😫#but he also says in banter he won't make any other spawn??? so what is it dude#anyway that's also clearly the “bad” route and he doesn't seem as happy as unascended#who feels “truly free”#and if you're durge I'm pretty sure its even worse to consider having kids?? lol#but i digress#pk plays bg3
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GUUUYYUYSSSD !!!!!
‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
KIMONO MY HOUSE VINYL!!!!!!
Also funny story which is that when my brother took these to the cashier he said something like "oh... Sparks... they were here one year ago"
#YES THEM BEING THERE IS EXACTLY WHY I TOLD MY BROTHER TO GO THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE ('there' being tower records in japan)#but i find it so funny that the cashier actually remarked on that fact too#anyway. you need to know that i'm feeling so very AAAAHHHH right now. all of these are such a big deal to me#i didn't think i'd actually own KMH ON VINYL at any point#also utterly shocked about the guerilla toss CD. very exciting to have that one too#they're one of my fav bands and i implore everyone who likes unhinged and very experimental and cacophonic rock to check them out#this album (eraser stargazer) isn't the most accessible thing there is out there but i really love it#(i don't even know how to describe it properly. it's just really something to behold anyway)#the plushie is also a gift from my brother!! i'll gladly take any name suggestions for him#oh and also sparks debut album. first album that i own both on CD and vinyl as of today#it's not even that it's my fav sparks album or anything (i do really love it though and it's definitely somewhere in my top ten)#it's just that some albums feel more like they 'fit' with the vinyl format than CD in sound. to me at least#one other example of that besides this one being gratsax#ok i think that's all i have to say about this. one of the most epic hauls of my life that's for sure#OH WAIT one more thing. somewhat unfortunate actually#which is that my brother said he's pretty sure he saw a latte vinyl#but when he passed by that section again like 10 minutes later he already couldn't find it. oh latte.......#it's ok i'll have it one day. i'm really curious what went down there though. did someone really snag it in those 10 minutes???#and yes in case you're worried i did thank my brother profusely for getting me all this#and now i'm going to force him to listen to the TMBG vinyl with me so that he's PREPARED FOR THE CONCERT#that's in 3 months and that he's know about for a year and a half. ok i'm done now#goosepost
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im out here doing ap level analysis on this series of events trying to figure out how and why a thing happened in a decade old minecraft series
#apollo's tag#hi everyone i'm watching tucker's pov of the day dianite joined#and trying to figure out exactly why he got so mad at tom that he was willing to make a deal with god to get revenge against him#and i'm pretty sure i can pinpoint the exact moment that he just went 'ok thats it fuck this shit' and went all in#you see tom moved his whole house like fifty blocks off of the mountain he lived on so that it was suspended in midair#and because of that the cactus pit tucker had built under it was exposed#and his horse (who he had just spent like twenty minutes getting out of a ravine) wandered into it and died#and he thought that tom led it in on purpose when he /hadnt/#the prank was actually genuinely completely harmless and they get that figured out later but by that point tucker had already made a deal#with mianite to get a sword to get his revenge against tom with and the payment was that he'd be in his service#and dianite ended up giving tom a sword as well so that he would be even#and made his payment being that he had to be in his service as well#so thats how all of this started.#because of a horse. and a misunderstanding. and two gods with a longstanding feud who eventually used these two to further their agendas#down on the mortal plane.#/Man./
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(wake up to thunder noise at 5am, thinking) (It's Shinomiyas+Narumi thought)
Isao becoming the monster to ensure the later generation's survival is how Kikoru lose her daddy and how Narumi finds his father figure
#Idk man#For Narumi he's the father he needs#the one who will truely evaluate him from the result#He had enough of seeing ppl who produce less result keeps getting more praise just because they showed more 'efforts'#While Kikoru just...want to be praised for an effort she put in#praise that she will never receive until the result is shown#Although both know that when Isao finally praise them--#It's truely because they showed the result#and not just some shallow compliment#Still a tragedy for Kikoru as bc Isao used to be much kinder#Narumi wants to wow him while Kikoru want to make him smile#Neither get their wish granted#Not even in their imaginations#fal's random thoughts#what the heck fal why aren't you sleeping#Idk blame matsumoto for that#kaiju no.8#Shinomiya Isao#Shinomiya Kikoru#Narumi Gen#faltalkskn8#I'm sure I keep things vague enough but...#kn8 manga spoilers#just in case#(although Narumi will probably thinks Isao hates him had Hasegawa not become an unintentional mommy figure doing a talk)#Wait is that means Kafka is an accidental mother figure for Kikoru?#Kafka could've been to Kikoru exactly what Hasegawa is to Narumi#bridging a gap and make their relationship more...brighter?#Thanks to no.9 we never find out#Burn in hell Eryngi
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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weird practice doodle comic thing idk 2/2
(first one is over here)
in case you are bamboozled and missed the first post this is just me ranting/rambling abt dimitri and ashe and ghosts in comic form
huzzah, the rest of the first one featuring uhhhhhhh idk lol its like the first one. But Now With A Brief Appearance From Our Special Guest, Dedue!!!!!!!!
#i CANNOT make up my mind when it comes to an eye style CAN I#i know my approach is maybe a bit too lighthearted especially considering the subject matter particularly on dimitri's side#which is why i'd like to elaborate on this with a darker/more serious tone next time! this was really fun and i might do more#ashe and dimitri's supports in game were amazing i loved them but i do wish we got to see more of them both together :(#i feel like dimitri would see himself in ashe#idk man i've got a lot of wild headcanons#i just really think dimitri ashe and dedue should be like. a team or something. they belong together to me#footnote: i am aware dimitri isn't exactly afraid of ghosts per se it's more specific than that and more about being haunted (spoilers!!)#buuuuuuut roundabout phrasing to draw a clearer connection and because well i imagine dimitri wouldn't outright tell ashe...yet#im too lazy to look things up right now to a) ask what a crown prince even is and b) confirm that dimitri is one#i'm...90% sure he said that/someone called him that at some point in game but i cant remember#so if i'm wrong i'm wrong lol#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#ashe ubert#dedue molinaro#fe:3h
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Poker Face | Season 1 (2023), Rian Johnson
#poker face#poker face peacock#pokerfaceedit#i am profoundly conflicted but also kinda disappointed with this show#there was something about the tone and the pacing of the first episode that made me very excited#and i still liked a couple after that#but then...#i don't know it lost me along the way and i can't even exactly point to why#i'm not sure i'll watch season 2 if they make it#tv shows i watched in 2023#i made this#i just want a tag for the things i personally put out into the world
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sometimes i remember the hunger games and how nobody actually paid attention to what was in those books
#americans close your eyes and ears right now#i'm well aware that my political takes are way too spicy for you all#and i really do wish my media diet didn't contain so much us-centric shit#but alas we're all suffering here#and i could say that 'oh actually it does matter who your president is for us in the world'#but it doesn't. it really fucking doesn't. that's kind of the point.#oh i'm sorry my spicy takes are already starting#anyway it is wild that you all can understand katniss assassinating coin at the end of mockingjay#but get super upsetty that chappell roan won't support your favorite presidential candidate with her full chest#like come on none of you actually thought that her using the phrase both sides meant that she was a republican or even a centrist#that's just copium#you all knew exactly what she meant#but i guess encouraging people to think critically and get involved with their local elections and politics as well is... bad now?#also... why do you all care so much about a random pop star's opinion and whether or not she dares to criticize a government#like... she's right but i'm sure 5 years from now if she survives in the limelight her edges will be completely chipped away#by all this insane reaction#and before anyone comes for me... no i'm not saying you shouldn't vote. please fucking do.#neither am i saying you shouldn't vote strategically or encourage other people to do so#but if all your energy is spent policing people who criticize your chosen party because of their own principles#then there's something seriously wrong with your politics#and all you're signalling is that you truly do not fucking care about the issues that they care about#if anything..... you RESENT them#and then the same people bring up the parable of the 'unjust man'#or how it's never the right time to talk about gun violence in your country#harm reduction is all good and based but attacking people who are leveraging their support to push your party left#is not. it's not even fucking helpful#anyway. don't base your lives and politics around pop stars.#even if they are more based than you 🤷#i think i'm done now thank you tumblr for letting me have insane rants in my tags that hopefully no one reads#idk i just find this all depressing. i wish you all cared more about the world outside of your bubble. i wish we all did - myself included.
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WAIT Elle has box braids in s3??? I could cry
I don't think she had bad hair in s1 or s2, but I'm excited that they're actually giving the Black girls Black hairstyles instead of having them wear it out.
Before, it felt like the (all-white, for context) hair department was just ignorant about Black hair, so they put wigs on the Black actresses and only did styles that also work on nonblack hair for their own sake/convenience. This theory was especially supported by the fact that Tara, whose 4c hair couldn't really be styled the same as nonblack hair, wore a twistout that would take literal hours to do every day, but she had box braids in s2! and Elle has box braids now!! I'm so excited!!!
I also feel like this fits her bold, fashion-loving personality so much better than leaving her hair out. Our hair is basically its own accessory, and the long box braids are very feminine. Again, I'm not saying not having a protective style isn't feminine or fashionable (I myself am a fashion girlie with an Afro), but having one is another outlet for her creativity, and I'm glad they're recognizing that now.
#shimmer's thoughts#heartstopper#elle argent#i have heard that apparently black people aren't allowed to have braids in uk schools? which is legitimately fucking wild#although it kinda looks like this had a big turning point in 2022 according to a quick google? but i'm not 100% sure#it depends on how much influence the ehrc has over the government. which doesn't seem to be much#we do have hair dress codes with huge anti-black bias here but no braids usually isn't in there explicitly#or something that's enforced afaik#all that to say it might just be that this happens to be a summer season and that's why their hair is like that#although even then I don't think Tara would be doing a twistout every day#i think slicking takes way less time so she'd probably be doing that if they didn't like afros either#she might though. i don't know exactly why she would do that but she might decide to do that#also to clarify again i'm not saying not having a protective style as a black girl is bad or negative or anything#i'm saying in the context of the hair and makeup team being completely white#and alice oseman being a white person who originally only gave the comic characters wavy/barely curly hair#them not giving them protective(/realistic for Tara) styles was sus. and this is a welcome change#i mean. we haven't seen Tara's hair for this season yet. and they really love that twistout#so maybe i shouldn't get my hopes up yet. but i'll give them their flowers for this at least
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THAT'S 60,000 WORDS LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO!!
#RAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH#I might write a little bit more this weekend we'll see cause I may be busy#current status on chapter two: beginning portion edited and good#still working on editing the smut and#I don't know if it's just taking forever or if I added way too much to the scene where you jerk aki off#because why am I still working on that segment#you haven't even slurped on it yet#editing the rest of the smut is sure too take just as long though because after this scene#everything is pretty much rough outline mode#so there's a lot of work that needs to be done#I've also started working on the ending#I'm about halfway done with the rough draft for it#I figured out what I want to do with it I think#at this point I think I will certainly get close to 70k words but I'm not quite sure yet if I'll actually break that barrier#there's a ton that needs to be added to the second half of the chapter though so it's definitely possible#and I still can't say when exactly I'll be done#my current hope is to release the second chapter about three weeks after the first#is that good? is that too long???#you promised you'd be willing to wait didn't you... yes I'm talking to you....#I'm starting to gain a little more confidence in the second chapter after working on it more#gonna have my bestie read it when I'm done so she can affirm that I am indeed not a failure#ok I've talked too much#aki sex. soon. aki sex
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how to feel excited about my own projects again
#writeblr#i need more passion more passion more energy more energy#no but fr#i'm motivated for half an hour every three months#and then i fall back into this passionless state#it's been three years like at some point creativity and motivation have to return?#why not now?#i have four more weeks of no uni#but i'd rather scroll through instagram reels than write?#(i tried the no social media route it didn't help)#it's just with 5 senses i have no clue what should happen in that fourth arc#taoki is too difficult to write#itlot feels meh#and project 4 is nice but also a bit meh#everything feels a bit meh#then i think maybe i am not made for big projects#maybe reading and writing defined a big part of my life but the phase has ended#maybe it will return when i am sixty#and i should try a different hobby then#and sure i can go 'but every word is progress' but that's just fucking exhausting#i could write 5k a day some years ago and feel good about it and now every sentence feels like i am sacrificing my liver#and that's not a fun feeling#and if writing is supposed to be a fun hobby but writing feels like a god's punishment then why am i even doing it you know#maybe i just miss community and stuff. maybe i just need some positive social reinforcement#but guess what i need to do to get that#exactly.#rant#rie rambles#or smth
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