#and i'm gonna relearn how to do community because i need to

[faithfromanewperspective]

literally right in the middle of learning about environmental doomism too and the fear and hopelessness of the people trying desperately to fix it and impart the skills to do so on the next generation too. like do i get a fucking break

[elekinetic]

hi! i was just wondering what your opinions are on hopper, like, as a character? i've just seen so much slander for him and i was wondering about your own thoughts on it since you seem to have a good grasp of the show's characters. also, no pressure to answer if you don't want to, i'm just genuinely curious :)

hi!! i am so honored you asked!

so. hopper’s a shithead. i love him.

no but actually so, i think hopper is one of the most interesting characters in the show, and i think a lot of the hopper slander (and character slander in general) comes from having fundamentally different approaches to the show. and I don’t think there’s any one correct way to watch the show, but there’s a difference between looking at characters as people who are accountable for their actions and characters as vehicles for communicating themes and ideas.

(I wanna start with a disclaimer that I’m not really gonna touch how he exists as copaganda, especially as a character, who really does not subvert the hero cop trope. That’s a separate post and a whole other conversation — one that’s important when contextualizing our discussion of hopper, but for now I’m just gonna focus on his characterization and behavior within the context of the show. alright, moving on.)

hopper is not always the nicest person and doesn’t always make the right call, but he is so caring and protective of the people he loves, and he believes in goodness in the world. i think it’s really interesting to see that over the course of the show, part of his journey is relearning that there are good things, and that even though it’s painful, those things are still worth protecting. (it’s less so that he’s learning that those things are worth protecting and it’s more so that he’s learning to be okay with the pain of it.)

after losing sarah, hopper shuts everything down and everything out. and like, obviously. of course he would. there’s this really interesting part of his spinoff novel that talks about how when he was in the war, he was stationed in an area that exposed him to chemicals that could lead to birth defects or infertility in the future. and then he comes home and has sarah anyway, and then she dies of cancer. obviously he feels really guilty about that. I think it’s really really important to remember that that is a key part of his experience when it comes to analyzing hopper and considering his behavior.

i was re-watching the first couple episodes of season two with abby strangeswift and bats demobatman, specifically el’s conversation with him about wanting to go out for halloween. and i was really frustrated, right, because here’s this girl that’s been trapped in a lab her entire life and just wants to feel normal, and there’s really no end in sight to this new kind of confinement. but then abby and bats were talking about how there’s really no other choice and especially after losing sarah, he is not willing to put el at risk.

I think this haunts him through the next couple of seasons. he becomes so blinded by his need to protect and keep el safe that he loses nuance. especially with a kid as extraordinary and as hunted as el, hopper is so on guard all the time. and that’s frustrating! because then we see him as the reason el loses out on experiences that she should get to have. she should get to be a normal kid and do normal things like go to the mall and kiss her boyfriend etc. etc. but hopper is so keenly aware of the fact that el is not a normal kid and the world is not safe for her. he’s not willing to be the reason another daughter dies.

like i said, i think hopper makes bad decisions and doesn’t always consider the agency of the people he loves, but i think the reason that we see so many parallels between him and mike is because they are both protectors. fundamentally, i think their arcs are the same. it’s them learning they don’t always have to be the protector, that they can trust the people they love to love them back without being a defensive force. learning there’s a way to be protective without being overbearing or imposing on agency. 

and listen, hopper fucks up a lot. I don’t think the way he speaks to Joyce season three is OK and I think he owes her an apology. and I think he and eI will need to have a real conversation about why he acts the way he does and why he put the rules he does in place. (I don’t think people understand just how much danger el is in even when the upside down shit isn’t happening.)

hopper makes a lot of sense to me and his inner conflict is really, really interesting. if you’re looking at him as a person, then, yeah, it gets a lot harder to excuse his actions because they do cause harm, tangible harm. but i read an article recently that i think articulated really well why our progress as a society about discussing mental health hasn’t really solve the problems we need it to solve; that, despite introducing these therapeutic terms and emphasizing boundary setting, we still center ourselves in our experience of the world. (when you fuck up, youre learning—when your friend fucks up, they’re a narcissist, kind of thing.)

so let’s let both things be true. that hopper is not always making the best decisions and doesn’t always say or do the right thing, that he should apologize for that (which he has on occasion).  but he’s also learning and he should be given the space and grace for that. and yes, he’s 40. but people don’t stop learning and growing when they’re 40. you don’t hit 25 and suddenly you’re a perfect person. and this is a man who has been through a war, lost his four-year-old daughter to cancer he is sure he caused, struggled with addiction and depression, and at this point has been literally tortured by russians for months. 

but then again, hopper isn’t person. he’s a character. hopper does not exist to be accountable to his actions. he exists to convey a story, to communicate ideas. stories like this aren’t interesting without complicated people. he adds complexity to the plot and the relationships between characters. he informs el’s relationship with society and adults in her life. he gives joyce the space to be taken care of, to not be the mom, the hustler, the protector of her own family all day everyday. he fills out hawkins as a three-dimensional place, where not everyone is a wheeler-esque suburban wet dream. he shows that there is a path out of grief and depression. he shows that it’s important to lean on people and that isolation will just lead to further suffering. It shows that protecting other people is important, but so is moderation and communication. how do we learn those lessons without a character making mistakes that hopper does?

anyway, those are my brief scattered thoughts on hopper. i think he deserves more grace than he’s given by people in fan spaces, but i understand peoples hesitation to treat him as a beloved character the way they would treat el or lucas or will. he’s a very real character and doesn’t really fit the schema of a fave, i think. and i think the way people communicate their appreciation for his character doesn’t fit easily into the way people show their appreciation for other characters in fans spaces.

I hope this makes sense. 👍

[radioisntdead]

It better become a series! I love it.

I'm thinking either Happy Town (made into Hazbin town) or something that means hell like Tophet town.

Also I love that Adam is decked out in Joja merchandise, I bet he has a Joja guitar and he uses it in commercials.

And I love that Susan is George, especially since getting hearts with George is like gaining a grumpy grandpa- so grumpy grandma Susan.

-Oldie 🧶🧵

Tophet town is GENIUS,

I'm already plotting out the storyline, I'm gonna implement routes for everyone, platonic or otherwise, I'm gonna make the reader (Or in this case the farmer) a feral one, unless its the Joja route, then y'all are just kinda evil for that route, the Lute route's farmer is gonna have the "I can fix her" mentality, Alastor's route is gonna have, I don't know yet but I may build on my theory that grandpa ran a cult, THIS OLD MAN LOOKS LIKE HE RAN A CULT

Okay not really but still, I normally adore fictional old people but Grandpa triggers my something is off senses.

Like sir are you the reason we're immortal and time has practically stopped in this game?

And I ABSOLUTELY LOVE GEORGE, (and Evelyn) AND I LOVE SUSAN the best thing to do was to put Susan in his role, she may not live in town but she's around enough to be part of the community, more or less,

(Stardew valley spoilers )

I have a "you're gonna be my friend wether you like it or not" mentality with fictional characters so after I met George whenever I went to bring Evelyn something I always made sure to get something for George, I keep extra leaks and flowers for the winter to deliver them to George and Evelyn, I love them so much.

I can definitely see Susan going through a similar arc especially with the time period she's from.

A thing I like about George's character arc as you get to raise his hearts is how if you do Alex's romantic route as a guy George makes a homophobic comment, not completely supportive, but as time goes on (and with the more hearts you have with him) he learns to get over his bigotry and support his grandson and grandson in law.

(I couldn't find what George says in his wiki for some reason? So I got this from a YouTube comment and I am HOPING ITS RIGHT)

"I'll admit, I thought it was strange for two men to be together, but you're such a nice young man and I know you two are in love... I've changed my mind"

I love old people going through redemption arcs so much, like relearning something you've believed your entire life , changing your world view is a very hard thing to do sometimes, it's likely a product of how you were raised, the views of those around you, and you have to face the fact that the people you learned it from may not have been the greatest like you thought.

No idea if I'm gonna have Susan go through a similar arc and explore that or not (If I do, I definitely wanna give it justice) because grumpy grandma with detail, Plus as seen before, I heavily headcanon that she was involved with woman's rights in her youth so that can pop up with her there's so MUCH POTENTIAL RAAAA.

I just realized I may need make everyone human for this au,

Uncannibals your grumpy cannibal grandma

He tried to start a Joja band, Did NOT WORK OUT, Sera put a stop to it quickly.

Adam's room is just fully decked out In Joja, The Joja guitar hangs over his bed, Joja wallpaper, the food is eats is Joja branded, Joja EVERYWHERE

He lives, breathes and eats Joja, JOJA IS HIS LIFE.

(Hell is forever? No JOJA IS FOREVER)

Sera is honestly concerned that's why she actually sent him to the valley, So he could touch grass.

He did not touch grass.

He does get shoved into the sea during the Jellyfish festival though.

[writing-biting]

Just pick a random one, based on vibes. Or read these bad summaries

three little words: lego monkie kid, kind of a warm up for practicing the characters, shadowpeach is horrible at communicating, wasn't supposed to be more than a one shot but temptation got my ass. G rn, but with communication and boredom, might shoot all the way up to E

Get the Key, Stop the Krang: rottmnt, Casey Junior ends up going back to before the show and proceeds to get help stopping the Krang from the unlikeliest of places because the turtles are like two years younger than him and he thinks he can do everything himself. I think this is T, but it might be M for the violence

Pull the Strings (Mine or Yours): Undertale AUs, I haven't touched this one in ages because I've kind of lost the thread of the plot. Was supposed to be an origin story for an au I have. M for violence and kidnapping and starvation and abuse

Icarus: rottmnt donnie ends up in 2012 tmnt because he 'flew too close to the sun'. he sucks at existing in 12 because of incompatible physics and has to relearn everything, and recover from really shitty lab accident injuries. Might be a timeloop fic, we'll see. M for violence

What Do We Fight For?: bay and 2012 (and eventually 2003) end up in rise, specifically in the Battle Nexus. M for Major Character Death and violence.

Tang Sanzhang thing I haven't named yet: I may have made an 'everything is shittier' version of the LMK version of Journey to the West, and this is in exploration of my version of the Gold Cicada's character. (used the word version too many times oh well) unrated

Tmnt fairy reboot: draxum, a chemistry student, makes a very cool ooze and runs right over to an wildlife rehabilitation center to show his boyfriend Yoshi. Yoshi is like wow, nice ooze, stop bringing your chemistry to my job you're gonna get me fired and Draxum is like, it's literally fine, nothing will happ- and then the beaker explodes in their faces. It covers the turtle section of the center, and get everywhere. Now, the turtles are growing hands and feet and shit. Instead of facing the consequences of their actions, they grab the turtles and book it. They run away to, idk somewhere cold that has forests, uhh Minnesota, and move into a small town that doesn't ask too many questions next to a fairy infested forest. Honestly I'm not actually sure how this is a tmnt reboot besides the fact that there are turtles, but still. Probably gonna be T if it ends up existing, we'll see

other???: probably gonna grab one of the aus off the ol' brain shelf, write something and then show it to no one.

Help me. Hit a random button 🙏 do it for your local gorgeous dykeboy 💗💓🥺

[xb0rder-7inex]

Our relationship has gotten so much better. Hes been really receptive to me communicating how I feel and showing me love through it and I'm not begging him for anything and he's communicating with me and explaining how he's trying to protect us and I'm hearing him and I'm feeling heard and he's relearning how to love me and I appreciate so much of who he is. He gives me just enough reassurance throughout the day that I'm not stressed about what he's doing or worried if he misses me and I really think he is appreciating the space I've been giving him because it seems to be giving him the room to be able to love me that way. It feels really good. It feels healthy.

I had to put in a LOT of work too for us to get this far. I owe a lot of where I am now to Lamotrigine. But I also found someone who was willing to stick with me through the worst of it so I've done the same for him and regardless of toxic behaviours neither one of us is abusive as people, and what we've found in each other is so special and rare. We had the safe space to argue without anyone intervening and we needed to have that hard conversation. That's how we've always grown as a couple and it's been so so long since we had a private place to do that.

I can see him really trying for me too and I think we're on our way to finding a balance.

We're excited to see each other on Friday and that gives me something to really look forward to :)) he's taking me on a sushi date 💙 plus it's gonna be so warm that day it's gonna be the best day.

[rodolfoparras]

Yeah...I guess you're right...I never really thought of it that way...people always make sacrifices and stuff like that...I guess I was just being an ass...I'm sorry...idk it just felt wrong in way before you said that...but then yet again it doesn't help me more than I have a homophobic family, growing up they would always tell me the usual stuff "being gay is a sin and stuff, God didn't make gay people or Trans people" stuff like that...yeah I guess you're right I need to work on some stuff still because i think I'm trying to bury that stuff deep in the back of my mind instead of trying to fix it in a way evem tho its probaly buried into my mind to think thay way...like I say that I'm fine now and idc but yet here I am making a fool of myself...because I always tried to hide my true emotions...maybe that's why I'm just saying stuff random stuff now that makes me look like a ass and a fool trying to make myself feel better...yeah maybe I should focus on some other things more...thanks for the wisdom...and sorry again...I'm gonna take a break from the internet maybe that's another reason...yeah imma do that take a break for a few days...

Well, goodbye for now. I love you in a friendly follower way, and I hope you aren't angry...

Sugar bee it’s understandable! We all have internalized homophobia that is unfortunately how it is, we live in a society that from an early age teaches us what’s “right” and what’s “wrong” in this world.

However it is so important to unlearn that stuff. You don’t have to completely change your mindset in one day but just deciding to take steps towards making a change is a big and courage thing to do!

And also do not feel embarrassed love you are not the first and not the last lgbtq person to come off as uneducated in this matter. Hell sugar bee you’ll come across gold star lesbian, trans med people, transphobic cis gay men, and so much more what’s important is that you do research - learn -unlearn and relearn because this is essentially your community, you’d want to know your native language or mother tongue and it should be the same in regards of the history of your sexuality and gender identity!

And I’m not angry sugar bee! As mentioned before I do not assign certain emotions to opinions/ discussion/ matters! That’s very much to think in black and white!

[marieadeledracherambles]

House Chaos Of The South: From Spite We Rise

So a while ago, I was reading a webtoon, as ya do. And I was enjoying it all right, even if I did think it was somewhat rushed.

And then it undercut my expectations in the worst way.

See, I was hoping that this webtoon would commit to a disabled love interest. The guy who was being set up to be the main lead couldn't speak and used a wheelchair. I was also rooting for a power couple destroying the people who hurt them.

And then the male lead A) revealed that he could speak, B) revealed that his legs were fine, and C) was mean to the main character. Obviously points A and B were enough to make me toss the webtoon, but C was just adding insult to injury at that point.

I had it confirmed later that a theory I had been expecting was correct, and my reaction was...

...irked.

So with my complaints out of my system, I set out to write my own comic that would not limbo under the bar.

House Chaos of the South (which tbh i need to rename before that name sticks) follows orphaned baroness Rolinda, who is having just about the worst day of her life. It's the third anniversary of her dad's death, her few social allies are all out of town, and her fiance the crown prince just broke off their engagement for a princess. And to top it all off, her old governess turns up to sneer at her many, many failings as a noblewoman.

Then her day takes a turn for the weird when the southern Duchess, Demelis Bellward, also turns up at her house to claim that Rolinda is her long-lost daughter.

After acquiring proof and having a truly horrible social week, Rolinda decides that she could only benefit from an extended vacation and heads south with her mother.

From there, she faces challenges like relearning all her etiquette, stewardship lessons, and making actual friends. She also starts writing letters to her only friend back in the capital: First Prince Anselis.

(Anselis appears in the first episode, I just couldn't include that information gracefully above.)

Anselis came down with two illnesses before he was sixteen: gravebones and the Silent Fever. The gravebones settled in his legs, and ever since it's been excruciating for him to walk or stand for more than a minute. He uses a magical wheelchair that he controls with a trackball crystal in the armrest. The Silent Fever didn't kill him, but it did shred his vocal cords. He communicates almost entirely through a notebook, and I went the extra mile to create a writing system for him to use.

He's still entirely the prince he was before he was disabled, but he got passed over anyway. His younger brother is the one who's set up to be Crown Prince now, and he's rightfully bitter about it. Especially since his brother is an idiot. He was looking forward to having Rolinda as a sister-in-law; she's funny, smart, and treats him like a person and not an object of pity. And his brother tosses her away for a vapid princess who just coos at him and doesn't let him finish his sentences--

(Anselis is somewhat biased against his brother's new fiancee for Is Not Rolinda crimes. But he's completely right and shown as completely right for baby-talk and interruption being instant rage buttons.)

To add insult to injury, he realized about a week after Rolinda left that he was in love with her and now she's gone who knows where, so he's in a poor mood. Then he gets a letter and a birthday gift from Heir Bellward of the South, with the handkerchief he gave Rolinda the last day they saw each other pinned to it. And that's how they start writing.

The second season is a little... mushier, because I haven't gotten around to planning that out yet, but Rolinda and Anselis confess, get engaged, and set out to prove Anselis's right to the throne and get revenge on everyone who wronged them! There's gonna be political drama, social sneakery, and a power couple ready to take on the world!

Because I'm me, it ends happily, with Anselis and Rolinda ruling wisely and well, disability rights on the rise, and a wonderful wedding.

[rickfucker]

To get my mind off things, I actually appreciate another Rick lover. Rick is not Justin. So I'm gonna gush about my story with my insert.

I saw how you said that the partner with Rick has to have good communication skills, and I actually had a personal headcanon for my own character I thought would be interesting to hear if you're okay skmxmxmxm

Myself insert essentially is like myself, autistic.

When autistic individuals are overwhelmed or overstimulated, sometimes we go nonverbal. This is also because I also going on verbal from trauma.

So I had a head cannon that Rick will recognize when someone goes nonverbal and find ways to bring them back and bring their mind to helping them speak.

For one he figures out the purses nonverbal and has them communicate with him through a special language they make with each other, like squeezing the hand or special body language.

I do think that having communication with Rick is important but I also feel like he would be able to understand when someone is having difficulty out of their control 💖 as an autistic man himself.

I love your head cannons and this just fueled me thank you.

I want to continue making art for the character that I love so deeply. I do not support Justin and his actions.

I support Rick, the character I fell in love with.

when i say communication, that definitely doesn't have to mean actual speaking! it just means understanding and respecting each others needs, boundaries, etc., regardless of how it's being communicated. i also think he would be able to pick up on nonverbal cues pretty instantaneously.

i talk abt communication through a very therapized point of view lol it's been a whooole thing with me realizing i was autistic as an adult. basically had to relearn how i look at my needs & how i express them entirely u know <3 <3 much love to u

[randomberlinchick]

‘Why am I talking to 10 guys?’ The rise and fall of dating apps | Online dating | The Guardian

“It’s become so formalised to look for dates through apps now that we’ve forgotten how to approach people in person. We worry if it’s inappropriate, if we might say something wrong or that the other person isn’t interested. On an app you can see on the profile what a person is looking for, something serious or casual. It’s all about communication and without apps maybe we’d have to relearn these social cues.”

OMG, I could write another PhD thesis about this. 😂 I do feel though that Germany is a special case, because men here are super cautious. I once sat in a bar with a girlfriend for six hours, and only as I got up to leave did the (very handsome) guy sitting next to me at the bar shoot his shot. What the fuck was I supposed to do with a man who needed six hours to say hello? He had a shit-ton of reasons why he didn't approach me until I was leaving, but he had definitely overthought the situation. In fact, the last guy who went out of his way to chat me up in a bar in Berlin (the night of my birthday party a couple months ago) wasn't German, he was Irish. Bless you Colin, you reminded me of the good old days. 😂

To be fair, I don't hang out in bars by myself and guys are reluctant to approach a woman who's hanging out with her friends... and yeah, if you wait for me outside the ladies room to catch me on my own, I'm gonna think you're a freak/coward.

But I remember being chatted up in a bookstore about the book I was considering buying, or in a cafe as I sat alone, or on a plane during a long journey back in the day. When did everyone become so fucking socially inept?

I wonder if all of this is true in the US, where the right smile was all that I needed to flash to get the conversation going...

Ah well, now that I don't have to wear a mask everyfuckingwhere, I'll just have to make sure that I smile more often and stop wearing my very dark sunglasses all the time, because this dating app shit is tiresome. Or maybe I'll just start shooting MY fucking shot and see what happens. 😂

[battleofthegroundeddungeon]

Training the Gauntlet (Part 2)

Part 1

Egil: Stonegit certainly wasn't fighting to his usual standards. Egil had expected that since they were trying something new, but after Stonegit's curse, he frowned and said, "How long have you been working on this?"

Stonegit: Stonegit hesitated as he gave his leg another quick shake, and rubbed at his beard. "Eeeh...not...that long..."

Egil: "Then, like, you're not doing that bad," said Egil. "Catching on faster than I think I would." He gave his crooked smile, just a slight one.

Stonegit: Stonegit watched Egil as he spoke, and then a slight smile of his own crept over his expression. He lifted the sword and waved it at him a little as he raised his eyebrows. "You're making fun of me." He guessed.

Egil: "Noooo!" Egil threw his hands up in the air defensively, nearly dropping his training weapon as he did so. "You've seen me over the years! Fenrir and Frigga, you've seen me recently. Not everything comes easy." He paused, smirked, then said, "Though I can make fun of you."

Stonegit: "No!" Stonegit said quickly as his eyes momentarily widened, before they righted themselves. "No." He added again, a little more dignified this time. He sighed, and then gave Egil a very sincere nod, more than appreciative of his words now that he understood them.

Stonegit once again resumed his stance. "There is very little I would seek to correct about your blade work Egil, especially recently."

Egil: Egil swung his blade around once, but he didn't mirror getting in stance.

"You ask me if I'm joking, I'm gonna ask you if you're flattering," said Egil. He'd seemed in a decent mood since Stonegit came to him, but a little something... dropped... in this moment. He looked tired. More... emotionally worn. Hollow, maybe. "Like. Maybe it's more about saying something is right because everything's been wrong recently."

Stonegit: They are so alike...

Stonegit couldn't help the thought, but it helped remind him what to do. There had been some, if not significant, emotional acrobatics that had gone into successfully communicating with certain male members of the Haddock family. Stonegit certainly didn't want to dismiss this moment of vulnerability, but he also knew better than to lean too strongly into it. So he did his best to meet Egil's expression, posture and tone somewhere in the middle.

"It is right to say that if we truly fought, you would win." Stonegit said. "But not in the face of any wrongs or flattery, but just because it's true, and you are warranted that credit even to yourself." He carefully slipped his training sword into his belt, as if to wordlessly invite a reprieve from training, and open the floor to allow the thought Egil had started to continue.

Egil: Egil shrugged, eyebrows dancing up and down for a moment as he thought, and he paced in a lopsided-circle. It only took a few seconds. He then stared at Stonegit with that ever-present crooked smirk. His eyes hadn't lightened up, though. They were still hollow.

"I'm not the one being tested here," he said. "And as far as any credit to myself... well, it's all new." The 'it' was not the fighting. With Egil's vague gesture to the whole castle, he was clearly referring to kingship. "You're relearning to fight without fucking shit up, I'm learning to sit on a throne and pretend it doesn't make me itch."

He swung the training weapon again.

"So take my words that you're doing okay given where you're at, dammit."

Stonegit: There was more at stake now in Stonegit's mind. His focus shifted away from the need for practice, and instead turned towards Egil.

Stonegit knew the look of empty eyes but a forced smile. He had seen it on too many friend. He had seen it on himself. A man he considered a son now had that look, and perhaps the only way he could keep him talking about it was to give Egil something to do with his hands so that he would allow his thoughts and words to flow with the freedom they needed.

He would have to be able to hold his own...

His opponent being a Haddock now implied an extra layer of challenge.

This time Stonegit started with a dodge. It wasn't his fortie as a bodyguard, but if he couldn't defend himself he wouldn't be able to defend others. His arm left arm came around at Egil's return swing, and let his wooden blade lightly guide Egil's off to the side.

It was more testing the waters above anything else.

"You're right...I accept." Stonegit said, as he and Egil paced a quick circle after the clash. "And what would you take of my words should I say the same about you?"

Egil: "About fighting?" Egil scoffed, circling low, then twisting into an offensive thrust. "We both already know I can do that!"

Stonegit: This time Stonegit's sword caught Egil's so he could control it just enough to grab his wrist and take a quick stab at his midsection.

The grip didn't stay though, and Stomegit's chance to score a point missed Egil comfortably, although the bodyguard was happy he had gotten closer that time.

"Your kingship." Stonegit clarified. "You've learned far more than just how to supress an itch."

Egil: "This isn't!" Egil snapped, "about me!" He lashed out hard, a rough swing, atypical to his more fluid style, knocking Stonegit across the cheek.

Stonegit: The strike from the wooden blade caused Stonegit's face to turn, but not snap harshly to the side. He had been, regrettably, hit harder too often in the past for that. Even as the skin of his cheek bone parted partially over the old crescent scar around his eye, Stonegit's calloused hand came up, and ripped the sword from Egil's grip, just as it had done countless times before whenever Egil had made a rash move during training.

Eye squinted and face scrunched around the small cut, Stonegit spat lightly off to the side as excess saliva had rushed to his mouth.

Posture relatively unchanged, Stonegit waited for a moment. To let the adrenaline fade. To allow any tempted anger to cool, and to allow both of them a moment to, perhaps, collect their thoughts.

Egil: Stonegit's actions effectively made Egil pause. He stood there for a short moment, the heavy inhales and exhales of someone exercising abating. Egil eventually shook his head and grimaced, slightly, before mumbling, "I'm better than that."

It had been a short slip. Some days he felt angry and bitter dawn to dusk, other days he was drowning in sorrowed disbelief. Today was better, and he had been enjoying the exercise with Stonegit. But the raw wound of losing a father and accepting a heavy burden he didn't feel qualified for was fresh, so even on the good days, insecurity would make its mark.

There wasn't time to have gotten better at kingship. And he knew that. Months weren't enough to get the grips on the intricacy of rulership, and chances were, he'd make worse slips in the next few years before he found a stride. But he didn't want to be better, either. This was his father's role, not his own, and talking about it as though it was something he could improve upon was rubbing in the wound that Egil was here at all. Who'd decided someone like him should lead? Why not Jonas! There was no compliment that could suggest Egil was "doing a good job." It was all a dour existence, a hard weight he'd flee from if such an option had existed.

Stonegit: Far be it from Stonegit to assume, but there were days it were as if Egil's thoughts where written in out in front of him like a sprawling runestone. He carefully pushed forward his arm to offer the King his training sword again. "Yes you are." He said, and meant it.

His face then fell a little. Egil's expression was known to him, the ghost of what had been there the day Egil had learned Gareth had died. It ripped open a wound deep within him for the same reason.

Stonegit had decided silence was best first, this time he went out a limb. "Egil, neither of the burdens on your shoulders were meant to be carried alone..."

Egil: "Then by all means," Egil said, "take them." It was sardonic, maybe a little sarcastic, but also... open enough. He wasn't reacting poorly to Stonegit's statement. Maybe, though he hadn't processed it yet, it was something he needed to hear.

Stonegit: "If I could take it all I would." Stonegit told him, his arm still extended, the moment frozen between them in a way.

He gave a low exhale, and then stepped forward as he put away his own blade, and placed a hand over Egil's heart. "But I can't...and what is in you, just like all of us, will come out one way, or another." A small droplet of blood mimicked a tear on his cut cheek. "So let it be words..."

[chibiwritesstuff]

OMG UR BACK HI!!💕💕 i don't know if i already requested something so if i did ignore!

If that's okay could i request Epel bringing his s/o (+Grim cause he's my son-) to his hometown during winter/summer break because they have nowhere to go?

Welcome back!!

Also, take your time ok? ⊂(・▽・⊂)

Hi!!! Thank you so much! Glad I’m still welcomed in this community. I'm still relearning twisted wonderland so this is gonna be real bad... Also my brain is still in thanksgiving coma so yeah...

The following headcanons is based on my cousin's dilemma during our thanksgiving dinner XD

Now, let's enter this twisted wonderland~

“Hey (y/n), do you want to visit my hometown?” Epel nervously asked you.

You and Grim are literally just goofing around since there’s no classes for the week.

Epel mentioned celebrating “Day of Harvest” in his hometown which you assumed is their version of Thanksgiving.

Seeing as the only thing happening here is Crowley making you run errands, both you and Grim agreed right away.

The first thing you guys did as you two arrived is to greet his grandparents as his parents are busy selling the apples currently.

After getting settled and introduced to one another, you decided it’ll be a great idea to go apple picking.

Grim volunteered to eat apples and laze around… as expected.

Along the way, he taught you how to carve apples and let you try it yourself.

You can't help to be amused and fall in love all over again with how carefree and natural Epel acts here compared in school.

Which is understandable as Vil is like a 24/7/365 security camera towards him.

You helped made dinner with his parents when they came back while he’s busy taking care of the horses at the back.

“So, when’s the marriage?” His dad asked just as he came back in.

“WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS, PA?!”

Needless to say, the entire week is just a domestic training for you two with his family teasing you both.

With Grim agreeing seeing as he’s going to be fed a lot and be spoiled by Epel’s cousin.

His grandparents are now even more motivated to fill up all the piggy banks they own to make sure your wedding is going to be good. His auntie and uncle also planning the niche parts of it…

His family needs to chill, you guys are still students…

[chiserendipity]

Why 2020 has Changed Me Forever - and Why I'm Grateful for That

*Warning, this deals with emotional and physical abuse, trauma and just is really long. Please do not reblog or repost this post.*

I'm just gonna say it. 2020 as a year has been terrible on a global scale with the pandemic, and the oppression of many people across the world. However, 2020 has allowed us to both reflect personally and on the world around us and demand change. I think that makes 2020 a great year for growth and shouldn't be merely dismissed because we couldn't go to concerts, have large parties, or the hot girl summer we hoped for. Real change is happening before our eyes, a movement for equal rights and to end the the endless cycle of oppression and suffering for not only the black community, but minority groups whether that be race, ethnicity, sexuality, gender, religion, those with mental or physical disability, the poor, and so many more. Yes the world is seemingly in shambles. But guess what? We have nothing but time to try and fix it now. To demand better. Both for our communities and ourselves.

Personally, I feel 2020 really pushed pause on my life and asked me "what are doing?" "why are you doing this to yourself?" and "what do you want from life?" I began looking at what I had become and I was disgusted with myself and how I decided to try and cope with past trauma. Before corona, I found myself in a very dark place mentally with seemingly no way out. I would have panic attacks repeatedly and just cry myself to sleep many nights (despite not getting very much). My endometriosis was continually getting worse with every flare up (probably from all my stress). I had no direction and very little motivation to continue.

Then, the virus hit. Once I was sent home and online classes began, I had time to stop and catch my breath. To look around at my life and really ask what I was doing wrong. As young people we tend to give ourselves a pass for poor behavior and bad decisions, or even encourage it. I realized I was falling victim to my own anger, bitterness, anxiety, and depression that had haunted me for years and it was finally rearing its ugly head. I had been suffering from depression and anxiety for years but that spring semester while still on campus was different. My moods began to swing from a hyperactive anxious state to a haunting and chilling depression that made me want to stay in my room and hide. I didn't really get much sleep in either state. But, now back home all alone and with nowhere to go. No class to dive head first into. No parties to dance the night away. No kickbacks to chill at. Just me and my monstrous thoughts. At first my overwhelming thoughts were suffocating. I would question "what is wrong with me? Why can't I get my moods under control? Why must every facet of my being so overwhelmingly broken?" Then as classes began to finish, and with the help of antidepressants, I finally started to feel a shift. I started unpacking my compartmentalized trauma I had shoved away for years in a desperate attempt to leave it the past. People always say the past is the past, but the past will never not be apart of your journey. Without properly dealing with the past, it'll always show up again in your present reeking havoc in your day to day life.

With meditation, therapy, medication, and a lot of self reflection through videos about helping your inner child, I realized I didn't know me. My life had always in some way shape or form been controlled by others. I was assigned the role "golden child" by a narcissistic father who demanded I perform that role perfectly. Even as a child, I was taught to ignore my pain and sadness and push through, because my feelings didn't matter. I was fed, lived in a nice house and had nice clothes and whatever I asked for. That was enough to prove my father’s love for me; in his eyes. I lived merely to please. As I aged this mentality seeped into my romantic life as well. My feelings always came last so I began to simply just turn them off until I became an emotionless shell. Acting as a robot, I went to school and grinded myself to the bone in all my AP and IB classes. Joined all the community based clubs and took leadership roles. At 16 I even got started working 20+ hour weeks. Meanwhile, I had to surgeries courtesy of endometriosis. The first was a emergency surgery due to a ruptured ovarian cyst and the second to dislodge my right ovary from my abdominal wall since the endometrial lining cemented the two together. 

I remember complaining about cramps and my father punched me saying, "Toughen up”. My father said things like that all the time and didn't want to discuss my chronic illness or mental health. When I was 16 I admitted to having suicidal thoughts and a previous attempt a few years back and he responded that was "white girl bullshit". Another time,my father cussed me out in a pizza shop for wanting a margarita pizza calling me a stupid bitch in front of everyone in the restaurant. He constantly mocked my choice for my major and university, saying that majoring in marine science was idiotic and I'd do better in political science and studying at Vanderbilt. Pain wasn't allowed. Feelings wasn't allowed. Choice wasn't allowed. Only thing that was allowed was to do the work expected. To be "perfect".

Finally I was beginning to understand that after being told my entire life that I was nothing more than robot with marching orders, the lack of orders now that I had cut my father out of my life was causing me to feel that I had no purpose at all. I had never known freedom, and it was was now suffocating me. Now knowing this, I was able to start retraining by brain and discover who I wanted to be. My feelings were valid. I wasn't just my report card or my ACT score or my medals and academic awards. My body while it doesn't function like it should, it is still worthy of love and respect. I wasn't insane for my moods fluctuating and I just needed help to get where I needed mentally to function. And that's okay. I had to start being me and living for me, not for the approval of others. Savannah the person, not the robot, matters. I matter.

This was when I had a spiritual awakening of my soul and ego, truly deep diving on how to heal from my past. I spent hours watching videos and discovering how to dismantle the false self I had created to appease those around me and stop acting as a emotional crutch for others whilst ignoring my own emotions. I began to recognize the trauma bonds I formed with exes and current friends. I choose to associate with those who encouraged these negative social responses and bad coping mechanisms. I was merely re-entering patterns that begun in my childhood.

From our earliest years, the ego is formed. Our deepest need is to gain love + approval from our parents + caregivers. The ego, in an attempt to protect creates a concept of self identity in alignment with what we believe will give us this love.We begin to say "I am smart" or "I am strong" or "I am bad at x." We internalize the beliefs of our parents about who we are + who other people are + how the world is. All of this ego identity unconscious. Because we are not taught about our egos, we are unaware they exist. So we operate as if we ARE the ego. This brings us a ton of our own suffering + shame. It makes us feel "stuck" + unable to escape our learned patterns. That's what ego does: keeps us repeating the past. Ego work is the process of questioning the ego stories that are just thoughts + not "reality." Becoming conscious to this allows us to access CHOICE in how we respond.

- @the.holistic.psychologist

Now aware of my ego and really getting to the heart of why I'm bad at sharing my feelings and why in past relationships I was described as "distant" and "inattentive" but also “good listener but won’t open up”.  Today, I can honestly say I'm no longer in that dark place I was before. I'm beginning to relearn the things I loved and truly appreciate them. I'm being the true goofy, silly, marine scientist I always wanted to be. I have friends who do care about me and I've tried to open up more emotionally. Of course I have a long way to go and constant improvement is necessary. 2020 allowed me to return to myself, not the burnt out, bitter and depressed woman I had become. I'm happy 2020 happened and for the first time in years, I'm excited for what the future brings.

[ceyrann]

Your opinion on retrograde planets making aspects in synastry...

First of all, I need to let you know I'm not an astrologer. Whatever inputs I have are based on what I've read from astroblr and personal observations. Take whatever I say with a grain of salt and with an open mind. Any bloggers who notice faults in whatever I say, please feel free to correct me. There's no black and white in astrology as they're all open to various possible interpretation.

Now. To your question.

Personally, my first thought when I saw your question was: negative-negative makes positive.

Reason why I say so is cuz from my understanding, planets in retrograde doesn't make it an easy thing to learn the planet's lessons. For example, Jupiter in retrograde gives me the feeling that one needs to learn to put in effort instead of waiting for luck to fall on them. Or Mercury in retrograde makes one realize the need to learn proper communication. These lessons don't come easily or naturally to you, but once mastered, you'll be able to use them to your full potential.

When two people with their retrograde planets make an aspect, it gives me the image that two people who have learnt their lessons connect in a different way. People who are underdeveloped in these planets may not like it or give up, but mature people will work hard and used whatever they've learnt in the past to relearn how to work together with that energy.

It's like... Being good at Math doesn't mean you're good in teaching Math. The ones who are usually good in teaching are those who were not good at it instantly, cuz they went through those problems and know how to help others.

Similarly, these people with their planets in retrograde have learnt their lessons and will try to incorporate what they've learnt into the relationship. It all depends if they want to maintain the relationship or not.

Sure, harsh aspects may feel more tense or negative than harmonious aspects, but ultimately, I believe one needs to learn how to harness that energy and turn them into something else. Because what are you gonna do? Not like them because they have an oof aspect with you? If so, I would've stopped liking Seonghwa for a very long time lol.

... no I don't mean to put my bias in this but anyways. A person is always more than their birth chart and aspects. I hope you get the answers to your question and I wish you all the best.

Thanks for asking and I hope you're hydrated and healthy.

[pettydavis]

advice: i broke up with my boyfriend recently because of distance and the fact that i'm shit at calling people, but we've still been hanging out and will probably have sex again relatively soon. is going from boyfriends to friends with benefits a good idea? cause it's making me want to date him again, and i can't handle the long distance. thanks mum

okay babs. im gonna tell you something that you probably wont wanna hear. but it has to be done.

no. its not a good idea.

thats not to say it doesnt work for some ppl, because they can detach very easily from the romantic side of their relationship with someone and move to a platonic one, even when sex is still involved. but the truth is, if youre having trouble separating your feelings for him and transitioning into a friendship role already, chances are it wont get any easier if you add sex to the mix, it’ll just drive you mental.

wanting to be friends with him is fine, and so is wanting a friends with benefits situation. however, you have to be in a place where theres no romantic value to your relationship, where youre more or less apathetic to the idea of him being your boyfriend again.

for me, the only way to do that is distance and time. to separate myself from a person so absolutely (like blackout, no contact whatsoever type absolute) that i can relearn myself and what its like to not have them apart of my mental/emotional/physical infrastructures. and once i reach a point where i can safely live without that person and not be upset that i have to (even at the prospect that i might not even get to again) THEN i would start interacting with him again. because its like, you gotta look out for your own feelings, yknow??? you gotta make sure that whatever happens, youre not doing something that will hurt you. if youre not dating its kinda not his responsibility anymore ukwim? (not to say he gets to be a dick about it, or anything, but like i dont expect exes to worry about my feelings, its nice when they do but like thats just my personal view on it, some water sign emotional acrobatic self-preservation for you right there)

youd have to communicate that with him too, actually. you dont have to tell him about Everything youre feeling and thinking,but like hes gotta understand that you need space to get over him. ESPECIALLY if you wanna be friends and DOUBLY ESPECIALLY if u wanna be friends with benefits. like he shouldnt be allowed to take advantage of him not being invested while you still are.

all that to say, like get you sorted, make sure youre fine, and youre okay whichever way the wind blows before you start something with this dude that just might get u in deeper. thats your right. especially if hes the one who initiated the breakup, cuz how he gon ask for the cookie jar when he purposely locked himself out the house?????? your responsibility is you, babs. you first before him, okay???

and jsyk if u need anything im here for you to vent, us gyals gotta support each other.