#and i’ve never told them good things about my mom??! i’m sure i must have!

[frankenkyle19]

I’ve Always Been Right Here

this is a little fic I wrote about Peter and Erik actually discussing everything because the movies suck and never let us see them have any sort of father/son relationship :(. I’ve been obsessed with dadneto lately so like obviously I had to write this. And sad Peter :( but it’s okay because it’s a happy ending! This takes place after Apocalypse where Erik ended up staying or whatever idk :/ the x-men timeline scares me and I try not to think too much about it. Enjoy!

word count: 1.7k words

Charles had been pushing both parties involved to talk about it. Little encouragements here and there because unbeknownst to Peter, Erik did know that he was his child. Had found out a while ago from Charles himself and decided not to say anything. He had good reasoning but was sure Peter wouldn’t see reason in anything once he found out he knew and hadn’t come to talk to him about it. The poor kid was just as stubborn as he was. 

Charles kept pushing the two of them together. Probably thought he was being helpful but really he was not. The atmosphere between them was always tense, the both of them walking on eggshells around the other, careful with what they said. It was awful for both of them. All the other X-men noticed it too. 

Finally one night after dinner at the mansion Peter had had enough. Him and Erik were the last two at the table to clean up and he thought about it all for a moment before it just became too much and he picked up his plate, slamming it down so hard against the wood that it broke in his hands.

“I’m your son! There, dammit I said it! I’m your fucking son. Remember now? Leaving my mom while she was pregnant because you were so scared to have a family. You left her to figure it all out on her own! And where were you when I needed to learn how to ride a bike or throw a football?! You weren’t there! You’re my father and you’ve…” Peter’s voice broke as he blinked rapidly, trying his hardest to avoid tears as years of anger and resentment flew from his mouth without any warning. 

“You’re telling me you didn’t know? When I broke you out of the Pentagon you just…” He trailed off, shaking his head as he paced back and forth. He had half a mind to punch the stupid son of a bitch right in the face, but he didn’t.

“You never wanted to find me? Weren’t interested in seeing how your kid turned out? Well here I am. HERE I AM!. I was waiting to see how long it would take you to notice but I guess I gave up.”

Silence fell between the two of them, both refusing to look at each other. 

“Peter…” Erik started, trying to de-escalate the situation which was almost comical. He’d never been the level headed one before. 

“I don’t expect you to understand.. My life… I have been through hell. I was trying to spare you from it all. And selfishly.. I was scared.” He admitted, finally looking at Peter now, who was shaking with barely restrained anger.

“I was scared because I didn’t know what to do with a child..” 

“Well you could have figured it out. I don’t want to hear excuses, that’s not… Not going to fix things now. I’m not even sure if things can be fixed. Y’know, I remember seeing you on the news after I broke you out of prison. Something clicked in my mind that you were my dad. I’m surprised it took me as long as I did but I’ve never been known to be the smartest.. My mom told me I should be afraid of you but I told her I wasn’t.. I’m not afraid of you.”

Erik looked at him befuddled for a moment before he shook his head, deciding to sit back down in his chair. This conversation was probably going to be a long one.

“I don’t want you to be scared, Peter. I’ve never wanted you to be scared. I.. I truthfully don’t have an excuse for what I did to you and to your mother. I am sorry.”

Peter must not have been expecting him to apologize so easily because he looked at him in shock, hands shaking around the broken pieces of plate he still held, eyes welling with tears. Shakily he sat down in his seat at the table, setting the pieces of the plate down before he clenched his fists, hard. Dammit! He didn’t want to cry..

“I’m here now, Peter. And I’ll explain it all to you if you want. Any questions you have, I’ll answer them.”

“When did you know? When did you know I was your son?” Peter asked, sniffling softly as he wiped the tears from his eyes before they had the chance to fall. 

“Charles informed me. Well… He confirmed it. I’d had my suspicions since Apocalypse. The way you looked at me… I realized it then but I didn’t want to accept it. Especially not in that moment.”

Peter took a deep breath before nodding. Right now Erik was an open book and was going to answer any of his questions so now was the time. 

“Am I the only one? Kid of yours I mean.. Do I have any siblings I don’t know about? I’ve got my little sis but like.. I dunno it was a dumb question-“

“Nina.” Erik said, a sad look coming over his face. He didn’t look at Peter now, instead he looked at the broken pieces of the plate in front of him. His boy. 

“She was your little sister. She was- Everything to me. My whole world.”

Peter perked up for a moment before the tone of Erik’s voice and the look in his eyes had him expecting the worst. An uneasiness took hold in his stomach now, churning. He felt like he knew what Erik was going to say but he didn’t want him to say it. It would hurt him worse then he’d expect it to.

“She was killed. By humans..” anger rose up in Erik’s voice now as he spoke. He was still so bitter to the humans because they’d caused him nothing but suffering. He recalled that grim day in the woods. How eerily silent it all fell after the fact. The blood on his hands.. It was the worst day of Erik’s entire life and he’d lived through a lot of unimaginable things.

Peter swallowed thickly, zoning out when it was confirmed. He’d had another sister and he’d never gotten to meet her. And now.. she was gone. How weird it was to grieve someone you’ve never met and never would get to. She had still been part of Peter. They’d shared a father after all.

“I-“ Peter started until he felt his voice waver in the back of his throat, eyes burning as he cast his gaze back down to the broken plate. Everything was broken.. Not just the plate, he thought.

He didn’t want to ask how. Knowing she’d been killed was enough. Maybe one day in the future he’d ask for more but neither man was ready for that conversation yet.

Erik moved to pull something out of his pocket, showing Peter the small necklace with a little locket. 

“This is the only thing I have left. They’ve taken everything from me. Everyone I’ve loved.”

Peter’s heart was crushed at the words because… he was sitting right there! He’d always been right here.. Right in front of Erik’s face.. Did he not love him? Did he care at all for him in any sort of way? 

“… I’m right here. I’ve always been right here.. You know how many nights I laid awake crying because I thought I wasn’t good enough for you? Every time me and mom passed a man on the street I’d wonder. Wonder if maybe one of them was you. I wondered why as a child my father didn’t love me enough to stay.”

The words stung. They hurt Erik but Peter was far too lost in his emotions to try and hold anything back now. He’d say what he meant, after all he’d been waiting over two decades to say it. 

“Peter please…”

“No!” He yelled, slamming his fists on the table again, just barely avoiding the pieces of the plate. He moved away from the table now, standing in the middle of the dining room as he glared at Erik. “No! You can’t tell me what to do and you can’t tell me to stop. You ruined my life!! You ruined my life by not being in it!” Peter’s tears fell heavy now. The weight of the past two decades washed over him in waves. A choked sob clawed its way up his throat and he tried hard to not let it out but it did. All of his brokenness was on display. He wasn’t just the weird silver haired speedster who cracked jokes at the most inconvenient times. He was a person with real feelings, many of them ugly.

He pawed at his eyes with the palms of his hands, an angry sigh slipping from his lips. He’d been so focused on not letting Erik see him like this, faced away from him that he also hadn’t noticed that he’d gotten up from his chair and made his way over to him. 

Peter flinched when Erik wrapped his arms around him and cradled his head to his chest. He felt sick because fuck he’d needed this hug for years now. Something he’d never thought he’d get, here it was. 

He tensed for just a moment before he hugged back, practically clutching onto Erik’s shirt as he cried into his chest. Cried into his father’s chest. His dad. This was his dad.. It had all hit him and he was spiraling.

Erik held him through the tears, the quiet sobs that wracked his whole body. He held him through it, still in disbelief that this was the first time he’d held him. He never got to hold him as a baby, never got to watch him grow up. In so many ways he’d failed him. Never again. 

He pressed his face into his silver hair, letting out a shaky exhale. “I’m here now Peter. I promise. I’m going to be here for you from here on out.”

It went on like that for longer than either of them cared to count until eventually Peter pulled away shakily, letting out a half hearted laugh at how wet Erik’s shirt had become after soaking up all of his tears.

Their eyes met, Peter’s brow furrowed in such a similar way to Erik’s that for the first time it was so obvious that they were related.

Erik reached out and patted Peter’s shoulder gently, giving it a squeeze before letting go.

“It’s late, you should head to bed, kiddo.” 

“I know.” Peter zipped around the room, cleaning up the mess he’d made before he stopped in the doorway, glancing back at Erik.

“Hey-“

“Yes?”

“Goodnight, Dad.”

“Goodnight, son.”

[sirianasims]

Chapter 43.6

My mother taught me that sometimes it rains. Sometimes it pours, and you’re soaked through and miserable and it feels like it may never stop. But no matter how heavily the rain falls, no matter how drenched you get, you are not the rain.

Some day you will be dry again.

Things have been easier since I blocked Paul, the pain slowly fading to a dull ache, barely noticeable as long as I don’t dig too deep. I try to keep myself distracted, reading Lucky Girl for what must be the fifth time. It’s my comfort read, Evie reminds me a little of myself. I think we could have been friends, hanging out and agreeing that being in love is the absolute worst, actually, while we yearn for our respective idiots.

The memory of Paul is not the only thing I’m trying to escape. With all my channels inactive, even the haters have gone quiet and my views are dropping every week. I’ve toyed with the idea of simply abandoning everything and starting a new brand, but I don’t want to rebuild my follower count from scratch. I don’t have time for it. My bills are starting to pile up, and while I can still pay them for now, it won’t be long before I have to either crawl back to mom and dad and ask for help, or get one of those real jobs people keep talking about. I’m not even sure which option I would hate the most, so I hide in my book for now.

A sharp knock on the door jerks me away from Evie admiring Jude in an art gallery and back to reality.

I hesitate for a moment. I have no idea who it could be, and I don’t want to see anyone, especially not some smarmy salesperson – or worse, my landlord. With a sigh, I put my book face down on the armrest and shuffle to the door.

Miranda is leaning casually against the doorway, her high heels making her look almost as tall as Samara. At their feet, a couple of large shopping bags are threatening to fall over and spill their contents on my doormat.

“See, Samara? I told you she was still alive.”

“So you did. Then I sure hope she has a very good excuse for refusing to see her best friends for almost two months!“

I feel my cheeks get hot. “Uh, hi. I’m sorry I disappeared, I’ve just had a rough time since, you know. But I promise to call you, maybe we can make plans soon?”

“No need, we’re here now, so you won’t have to worry about that.” Samara’s smile is cheerful, but her tone is resolute. Even so, I try to object.

“Seriously, it’s not a good time, I haven’t even showered for like three days, and the place is a mess.”

“Girl, since when do we care about mess? We’re here because we love you – stinky or not.” She wrinkles her nose, making the freckles on her face dance.

“What is this, some sort of intervention?”

Miranda smirks. “Pretty much. Sorry, but someone’s gotta save you from yourself, and we’re not letting you waste any more time moping over a man who didn’t deserve you. We’ve got snacks and a box of rosé with your name on it, so you might as well get out of the way.”

“Fiiine, but no judging the absolute state of the place.” I roll my eyes and invite them in with a dramatic flourish of my arm, but I can’t help but smile. Samara bounces through the door despite the heavy shopping bags, and Miranda goes straight for my laptop.

“What’s your login?”

“It’s just my birthday, and before you come for me, yes, I know that’s bad.”

Miranda shakes her head as the laptop plays a jaunty tune and lets her in.

“You’ll get the full security lecture another day, right now it’s time to declare inbox bankruptcy. We’re getting rid of all this bullshit so you can get back to business.”

“Miranda, there are literally thousands of messages. It’ll take days to go through, maybe weeks.”

She doesn’t even look up, her perfectly manicured fingers a blur over the keyboard.

“Give me an hour. I’m going to delete anything that contains profanity, and then I’ll sort the rest into folders, so don’t worry, you won’t be losing anything permanently. But I’m going to mark everything as read and archive it so you can get a fresh start. If anyone wants something important from you, they’ll reach out again, trust me.”

I stop myself from protesting further. Miranda knows what she’s doing, and it really would be a relief not to worry about everything.

Behind me, Samara has stopped unpacking the groceries.

“Just let Miranda work her magic and get your smelly butt into a bath. And make it a nice one, soak for a bit and pretend you’re a mermaid or something. We’ll get everything set up in here while you scrub off the sadness.”

I feel a slight pang of embarrassment as I walk into the bathroom. The sunlight is creating little islands of warmth on the black tiles, but it also mercilessly illuminates the limescale in the shower and a couple of cotton swabs that missed the bin. The sink is decorated with a few dried clumps of toothpaste, each of them outlined in red from last time I dyed my hair.

How did I let it get this bad?

I turn on the taps and leave them running while I undress. Then, I lower myself awkwardly into the tub and let the water cascade through my fingers. It would be nice if it was this easy, washing away the sadness and frustration, the longing and the hurt.

The gentle sound of flowing water is mesmerising, and before I know it, the tub is full. I add a small handful of bath salts and swirl it around. A soothing scent of lavender rises with the steam.

When I lie down, the hot water envelops me like a hug. It feels like it’s thawing something in me that I didn’t even know was frozen. I close my eyes and listen to Samara and Miranda laughing about something. It’s almost like being home and hearing my parents talk softly in the other room. It always made me feel safe. Less alone.

As the water begins to cool, I scrub down, slowly, methodically, running soapy hands along every inch of my body. It feels good, like I’m massaging life back into my limbs. Tonight will be fun, I decide. We’re going to stuff our faces with junk food, get absolutely smashed on cheap wine, and pretend that my heart was never broken by some has-been actor from Tartosa.

I watch as the tub empties, imagining that all my sadness is flowing down the drain with the water and the tiny undissolved purple specks from the bath salt. Finally, I move to the shower to wash my hair and rinse off.

When I get out, I stop and examine myself in the mirror. I look a little tired and worn, like I’ve been sick. In a way, I guess I have. But the black tiles are radiating warmth under my feet and there are birds singing outside my window and I’m beginning to feel like everything is going to be fine.

Samara’s blue face glitters in the candlelight. The packaging from the masks we’ve applied is littered with adjectives like “rejuvenating” and “revitalising”, bold statements, but they do actually feel pretty good.

“Sorry, Julia, I know you love this crap, but I just can’t get over the cake tongue. Who decided cake would be the best bait for people? Are we really that obsessed with desserts?”

I look over my nails one last time and put down the file. “I’m actually more disturbed by the whole chin udder situation. I mean, who came up with that?”

Samara makes a disgusted face, but she’s not ready to change the subject. “Seriously though, even if you were absolutely starving and cake was your favourite thing in the whole world, would you really approach a plant shaped like a giant cow head with huge teeth? Really? And then try to grab what is obviously its tongue?”

Miranda giggles tipsily. “No, but can we talk about how Ned’s relationship with the cow plant is super toxic, though? I mean, it always starts out slow, right? Oh, so it eats meat, little bit of a red flag there, but it’s probably fine. And before you know it, you find yourself luring your neighbours to their deaths just to keep it happy.”

“Yeah, it’s classic, the way he keeps making excuses for her? She didn’t mean it, she’s just misunderstood! She only bites me because she loves me! I’m like, Ned, your girlfriend is eating people, you need professional help.”

Samara laughs. “I guess some men would literally rather feed their neighbours to a plant than go to therapy.”

My phone vibrates on the armrest behind me.

“Sorry, it’s Marten again, I better let him know I’ve got company. He’s been super busy with his exams so we haven’t had much time to play lately.”

Miranda raises an eyebrow.

“And he’s still fine just being your friend, is he?”

“Why wouldn’t he be? I mean, he was fine being my friend even though I was dating Paul. Besides, I haven’t even seen him in person since GeekCon, it’s been almost a year…”

I stop. Almost a year since I met Paul. It feels like a lifetime ago. I wonder what would have happened if I’d cosplayed as someone else, or if Paul hadn’t been there that day. Maybe I could have been dating Marten instead of having my heart trampled by some fickle celebrity. Nice, normal Marten with his mousy hair and his robot facts. I smile.

“Anyway, there’s nothing between me and Marten. Or anyone else, for that matter.”

Miranda sends me a mischievous grin. “That reminds me, you know that hot bartender from The Rooftop? Super flirty, cheekbones that could cut glass?”

“The one who gave us free refills on Samara’s birthday? Shane or something?”

“Yeah, him! He asked about you last time, wondered why you hadn’t come with us for like three weeks in a row.”

“How does he even know my name?”

“He didn’t, he just asked about our red-haired friend but you’ve clearly made an impression.” Miranda winks. “Maybe he’d be willing to help you get over Paul.”

I shake my head. “No thanks, I’m pretty sure he’s slept with like half the regulars. And I’m not looking for hook-ups, not now. I need to get my so-called career back on track, but I want to do something… different.”

I think of Paul, of late nights in hotel rooms, laughing at the most ridiculous b-movies before having amazing sex and falling asleep with his arms around me. “I don’t want to do cosplay again, absolutely nothing with movies or comics or superheroes.”

Miranda looks thoughtful. “What about just fashion stuff? I started out with just my shoe reviews and now it’s more general style advice and outfits to match your heels, but you have an eye for it and you know a lot about cuts and materials and design.”

“I guess? I don’t really know a lot about classic fashion, though, like couture and such. And it’s a really tough business to get into, plus I’d kinda like to keep the expenses down for now.”

“You could always just jump on one of the big trends. I bet you’d make bank as one of those clean girl aesthetic influencers or something.”

“That’s actually a good idea. I mean, I can probably get pretty far with just the makeup and clothes I already have. And I could move my sewing machine and rearrange the room, set up my camera and the lights…”

Miranda laughs. “We can start right now as long as it means we don’t have to watch any more terrible movies tonight.”

I reach for the remote. “Not a chance.”

beginning / previous / next

[bicheetopuff]

listen i'm someone who thinks endeavor is hot because i am a gay man with eyes that can see and i personally think hating him is as easy as breathing. personally.

and loving katsuki with my entire heart is easier than breathing because he's just a boy who went through so much shit. including, but not limited to, a mother that clearly should not have been a parent, a school that restrained him on LIVE TELEVISION, a group of villains KIDNAPPING HIM, LITERALLY DYING, and so much more.

(i could go on an entire rant about his mother but i will. hold myself back. but i will at least say i think she's responsible for katsuki blaming himself for all might's retirement with the fact she told his teachers, in front of him, that if he hadn't been so weak, he wouldn't have gotten kidnapped, and then during deku vs kacchan 2, he literally repeats what she said to him while CRYING)

like yeah. i like endeavor's bara tits. i think he's hot. but you know what's NOT hot? child abuse. and that is why i hate everything about him except his chest.

LMAO you know what? I respect that.

Like, I’m surprised Endeavor’s able to carry those things around without a forklift. Maybe that’s where he stores all of his good qualities? Cuz you sure as hell don’t see them anywhere else…

Also, you’re right about Mitsuki and should say it. I’ve always had mixed feelings about her but I’ve always leaned more towards not liking her. I’m not sure if the way she hits Katsuki belittles him is meant to be a gag, but it’s always rubbed me the wrong way. It reminds me how a lot of how Katsuki anti’s think Katsuki’s completely at fault for his behavior, but the way Mitsuki treats him proves that that isn’t the case at all.

Like, if Mitsuki hitting him on impulse out of frustration and telling him the reason something bad happened to him was because he wasn’t strong enough to prevent it was a regular thing throughout his childhood, then no fucking wonder he ended up the way he did?

When he fell in that river, his first thought was probably “if I wasn’t so weak and clumsy, maybe I wouldn’t have fallen…” so of course Izuku—the kid the whole neighborhood has deemed as the weakest link—offering to help him, insulted him because of how his mom has trained him to feel. The thought of not being perfect at everything in order to avoid mistakes, is scary to him, so when this kid who isn’t good at anything (in his four year old mind) thinks Katsuki isn’t strong enough to help himself, it scares him. Because that must mean he’s weaker than the weakest link in some capacity.

He probably associated losing with getting scolded and hit upside the head by his mom until he eventually grew up to punish himself mentally the same way his mom did. And that hurts my feelings.

It’s such a subtle detail, but I do think it’s genuinely an important aspect to his character that gets overlooked since it’s painted as a gag. Like, I know people just see him as an asshole, but he was literally taught the behavior from his mother, as well as being abused by her, and his dad never did anything to stop any of it. It’s even mentioned again during his remedial course and it hurts that he legitimately thinks it’s normal to be treated that way…

[butchpeace]

I’ve been trying to sort out what affect being raised in a conservative and catholic environment had on my trans identification. It’s a tough thing to sort out, but I’m 100% sure I would never have wanted to be a man if I wasn’t raised in the way I was.

It seems ridiculous to imagine that there are parents out there who would prefer their child go through the hell of medical and social transition rather than just be gay and gender-nonconforming.

But it’s clear those parents are out there. And I have to reckon with the possibility that my parents are like that to some extent.

They tried. When I told them I wanted to transition, they finally told me that it’s okay to be a masculine woman. They finally asked me “Why can’t you just be a lesbian?”

It was too little too late. They had never, for my entire life up until that point, said anything positive about masculine women. They had been subtly homophobic my whole life. My mother was a judgmental person who only approved of herself and other women when they looked acceptably feminine, conservatively dressed, not weird, and not overweight. My parents used “just be a masculine woman” as a bargaining chip to prevent my transition, not because they actually meant it. Not because they actually valued me in that way.

My mom wanted me to be like her. She wanted me to wear the makeup and the bras and the dresses. She wanted me to cross my legs, act like a lady, go to college, meet a catholic boy, and spend my life having babies the way she did. It didn’t matter that I wanted short hair and to shop in the boy’s section. She wasn’t having it. After I hit puberty, it wasn’t normal to be a tomboy anymore. That’s what I was taught. My dad was a doormat. To his credit, he did try in some ways to raise his sons and daughters the same. But he also had misogynistic ideas from his religion about how his daughters ideally should be.

I think there are a lot of people out there who know deep down that life is better if you’re a man. That life is better if your kid can blend in, rather than stand out for being obviously gay. They know deep down that life can be shitty for masculine women.

Whether it’s conscious or subconscious, it’s clear that parents of trans kids know this, and part of their reasoning for supporting their child’s transition must be because they see how it would make our lives easier. Transition is a convenient idea. If you pass, it makes the family look good and normal when before they had a kid who was a black sheep. They also start to feel like they can understand or relate to you more easily when you suddenly “fit in” to the heteronormative world. Supporting transition makes them feel good about themselves in the current political climate. My parents went from homophobic conservatives to liberals practically overnight when I transitioned. Where was that support when I came out as a lesbian? Where was that support when I met my first girlfriend? Where were the pride flags and parades then?

But I also know that at the core, their intentions have always been good. They genuinely thought they were helping and supporting me in what I thought was the right thing to do. While they should have known I was too young to make the choices I did, and they should have been more involved in those choices, can I really blame them for being just as lost and confused as I was? Maybe, maybe not.

But I have to wonder, what would my life have been like if instead of my parents and that environment, I had been raised by feminists? What kind of woman would I be today?

[716chr]

Chihiro Natsuyaki Novel - “Choose Me!”

Track 4 - Intermission

To get straight to the point.

I made it to the finals.

I thought I would for sure get eliminated. But despite the backlash online, my loyal fans, who called themselves “Chiitizens”, worked hard to make sure I’d be able to debut.

——Chii was just treating the task at hand seriously! With dance skills like that, it’s only natural he got picked!

Amid these comments, the member I tried to support, the one who had run out of the rehearsal room crying, didn’t get enough votes and was eliminated.

This news tanked my mood.

Somehow, I felt like it was my fault…..

In the end, only 22 contestants remained.

Out of them, 13 would be picked, and 9 would be dropped.

My roommate, Komu-kun, is one of the remaining contestants.

Unlike me, Komu-kun has been portrayed on the show as “a novice in both dance and singing, but thanks to his sincerity, has shown remarkable growth and a straightforward appeal.”

It’s like he’s the protagonist of the show.

But in truth, Komu-kun really is putting in the effort and is growing at an incredible speed. Even when we were in different groups he didn’t hesitate to ask me for advice about dancing when he was unsure.

I didn’t want to be mean, so no matter how often he came to ask for help I never refused him.

…….Of course, they never showed this side of me on TV.

I was secretly anxious about Komu-kun’s rapid progress.

Jealous too.

But in the end all I can do is focus on doing my best.

“Man~ I can’t wait to meet all the locals again~” Komu-kun says while packing.

Today the contestants were allowed to return home to visit their families. It isn’t exactly a break, since the purpose is to film supportive messages from our family members.

Incidentally, the video would be presented a few days later to the finalists as a surprise. We’d have to act shocked and touched as if we were seeing it for the first time. These reactions would also be subject to evaluation.

A sigh almost slips out, but I stop myself, conscious of the cameras around me.

An idol who has a bad relationship with his family…… isn’t exactly someone you want as your bias, right?

“When this is over, it’ll really be our final stage, huh? …..Chii, I…I’m really glad you’re my roommate.”

“Yeah, me too, Komu-pi.”

After replying, I could hear a voice from inside me.

Really? Is that really true? If you weren’t roommates, would you have taught him how to dance? Do you really not regret it?

It was tough when Komu-kun asked you for help even while you were in different groups, yet you still ended up helping him out of the sheer kindness of your heart. 

So why is only Komu-kun the only one being praised as being a good, hard working person? Aren’t you tired of being sidelined like this?

“We’ll debut together for sure!” Komu-kun said as he hugged me.

I hugged him back, worried about how it looked on camera and hoping I didn’t come off too mean.

The voice deep inside my heart whispered, “I truly hate myself the most.”

“If it isn’t the long-awaited return of the future star! I’ve been waiting for you, Chihiro!”

My mom, all dressed up for her night job and with a face full of makeup on, welcomed me at the front door.

This smile….. How many years has it been since I’ve seen it?

Her lively voice being directed at me was certainly a first.

Honestly, I was scared and confused.

My stomach twisted in pain.

When I told my mom that I was going to audition, she didn’t seem the slightest bit interested. The only ones who cheered me on were my sisters.

But I heard from my sister that my mom apparently started watching the show when I reached the semi-finals.

…..Is it because of the money? Yeah, it must be.

As I step inside, my little sisters clad in their school uniforms welcome me cheerfully from the back as they call out, “Chii-nii!”.

Big Sis, who usually lives separately from us, had also come, but her expression upon seeing me was filled with worry.

Only my mom seems unusually cheerful, asking me things like, “Chihiro, want a drink?”. Questions she’s never asked me before in my life.

“……I’m still not sure if I can debut. My last ranking was pretty iffy….”

With voting happening daily, contestants got their real-time rankings immediately from the staff. I was 15th when I left the dorm. It fluctuates; on some days my ranking would go as high as 10th place, but right now it was still unclear.

“What are you talking about? There’ll be fewer people getting eliminated next round, right?”

“……..”

It’s not just about the numbers. Even if I was in first place right now I still wouldn’t feel safe.

Especially considering the fact that the director hates me.

Would Mom be disappointed if I failed?

The thought crosses my mind, but I can’t bring myself to ask.

I wondered how Komu-kun would deal with something like this.

Once he gets home would he be able to tell his parents about his worries?

Of course he would. And they’d forgive him if he cried.

Komu-kun’s loving Papa and Mama would definitely pull him into a hug and comfort him.

I hate myself for imagining these things.

“Once you become an idol, I’ll have to brag to everyone. Even to the people at the bar….. Ah, and I’ll definitely rub it in the faces of those classmates who used to make fun of me.”

Seeing Mom talk like this so happily made my guts twist in pain again.

Sitting down in the living room, my two younger sisters came over to me.

“Chii-chan, don’t worry too much.”

“That’s right. Chii-nii has fans at our school too!”

I felt a bit relieved as I ruffled their hair affectionately.

——Once I’m able to make the money, I want to spoil them both rotten. Big Sis too of course.

Big Sis always sends money to me and our little sisters, so even though she’s an adult she still doesn’t have any accessories of her own.

I want to buy her the slightly pricier necklaces and rings she wanted before, and help my sister in high school pay for vocational school so she can follow her dream.

I also want to pay for my middle school sister’s high school tuition, and all the school trips Big Sis and I had to miss because we couldn’t afford it.

“I guess even that face can be useful for something after all. Well, that’s all that scum had going for him anyway.”

Out of nowhere, I hear my Mom’s voice.

Her words hurt as if they were clutching onto my heart.

“I didn’t think you had a single redeeming trait, but if you manage to become an idol I might be a little thankful. Chihiro, I’m glad you’ll be able to make a living even though you have your father’s face——”

“Stop it.”

Big Sis interjected.

“You should stop doing that.”

“Hah?”

Mom glared at Big Sis. She returned the glare, unyielding.

“Don’t you think you’re being really shitty right now? Constantly nagging about a man who’s already abandoned you….. How is any of that Chihiro’s fault?”

“Hah? You’ve never been dumped yourself, what the hell do you know, calling me shitty like that.”

“That’s why I’m saying your mindset is shitty.”

The tense atmosphere made my heart race, but even worse, my little sisters looked like they were about to burst into tears.

“You two! The camera crew’s coming any minute now!”

I quickly stood up and spread my arms wide. A stiff smile appeared on my face. But it's okay. I turned once and took a step.

“Look! This is the choreography I danced in the semi-finals! I can still do it perfectly!”

After making this declaration and dancing for a while, my little sisters burst out in cheers and laughter.

Mom and Big Sis also stopped arguing.

My heart is still pounding, gripped by tension and fear, impatience and anxiety.

…….Please, God. If you’re out there, please help me. Let me debut.

So if I can give my Mom kindness, Big sis peace of mind, and my little sisters a future, I’ll do whatever it takes.

But all I can do is dance……

God, please don’t take away this one thing I have.

——In the surprise video I received later on, my family looked like a tight-knit "perfect and happy family”.

A mother sharing fabricated memories, an older sister suppressing her irritation and putting on a forced smile, and two little sisters cheering me on wholeheartedly.

“Chihiro truly loves dancing, and when I watch him dance it feels like all those years of hard work have really paid off..."

In the video, Mom pretended to wipe away her tears.

I wonder if they'll introduce her on air as a single mother who raised four kids on her own?

In the corner of my mind, I briefly thought——this world is nothing but a bunch of lies. I felt despair—but still, I looked ahead.

Because I’m going to become the ultimate gyaru-minded idol.

Track 1 | Track 2 | Track 3 | Track 4 | Track 5

[ladykailitha]

All My Roads Lead Back to You Part 12

Hello! Sorry this is late, but I had to take this week super slow because I went and sprained my middle and ring fingers on my left hand tripping and falling into a wall. The hand is mostly better, but it still twinges a bit.

Edie is going through some things, Eddie gets lost, and Steve learns where Harri gets his name.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

***  

Steve got home and found Edie at the counter munching away at cereal.

“You do know cereal is breakfast food, yes?” he asked as he went to the fridge to pull out the stuff he’d need to make dinner.

“Cereal is a state of mind, Dad,” Edie said, grinning around a mouth full of milk and Frosted Flakes.

“You’re going to spoil your dinner,” Steve said with a glare.

Edie cocked one eyebrow at him and he sighed. “Yeah, all right. So how was school?”

“Algebra is still the bane of human existence,” she murmured. “I just don’t understand it. I can do the geography portion of the syllabus just fine. But when it comes to algebra, I just...” and then blew a raspberry.

Steve grimaced. “I’m sorry, honey. I’ve explained it, Uncle Dusty explained it a different way, and Aunt Robin an even more different way than that and if you’re not getting, I don’t know what to do.”

Edie sighed. “I talked to Mr Olsen and he’s just going to have me take geometry next year instead of forcing me through another year of hell.”

“Are you going to get enough math credits to graduate if you do that?” Steve asked.

Edie sighed. “Probably not, so summer school it is. Yay!” she said waving her hands sarcastically.

“We’ll get you through this,” he promised.

“I know,” she murmured. She looked over at the counter where Steve had put aside enough food for an army. “You skip lunch again?”

He rolled his eyes. “No. Half of this coming with me to the office because Callen, one of the techs’ mom is going through chemo and he forgets to bring lunch.”

Edie looked at the food on the counter and back up at him. “It’s not for you?”

Steve sighed. “No. You’re not going to get hung up on this again are you?”

She shook her head. “I just worry about you, you know.”

He sighed again. “I know you do, but you don’t have to worry about this. You remember what Dr Rushing said, right?”

Edie heaved out a sigh of her own. “I know. It was a one-time thing. It’s never happened before and it hasn’t happened since.”

“Good,” Steve said firmly. “Now help me chop these vegetables.”

She drank down her milk and put her bowl in the sink. She got out a knife and the chopping board and got to work.

“Anything exciting happen at work today?” she asked.

Steve’s spine stiffened and went completely still. “About that, honey. Has your mom tried to get into contact with you recently?”

Edie frowned. “I guess about a month ago. She wanted me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. But I thought she was trying to trap me again, so I just ignored it, why?”

Steve let out a shuddering breath and told her about his afternoon. “So I’m calling the school and letting them know that she is in town and isn’t allowed anywhere near you, okay?”

“God, I swear that woman is like a bad penny,” Edie muttered. “She just keeps coming back.”

Steve nodded. “Violating the order is bad, and she will get in trouble for it. But she hasn’t tried to physically harm either of us, so I’m not sure what the police can even do.”

Edie nodded back. “I wish she would just go away. Because apparently not even finding another man to scam is enough to get her to forget about us.”

“Nothing warps the mind quite like greed,” Steve agreed. “I’ll talk to a lawyer about what more we can do about her, just to set both of our minds at ease. There must be something more we can do.”

*

Eddie was lost. He was sure Dustin told him to take the second elevator to sixth floor to meet up for lunch. But now he was starting wonder if Dustin had said the sixth elevator to the fourth floor.

Fuck.

And then he saw his savior in the form of a single glass name plate. He wrenched open the door and went up to the desk.

“Hey, so I was wondering if–” he began.

The woman at the desk cut him off by tapping her sign. Eddie’s eyes followed her finger and went, “Oh.”

He started signing instead. “My sincerest apologies, fair Vanessa! I should have been paying better attention. I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of Dustin Henderson’s office. I am meant to be having lunch with him, but I have sadly lost my way!”

Vanessa giggled and pressed a button on her desk. She signed back. “I could, but I’m pretty sure he’d take you if you wanted.”

Eddie frowned and signed back. “Who?”

She pointed behind him and he turned. There leaning against his now open door, was Steve. He had his arms crossed and was smiling fondly.

Eddie turned back to her and blushed. Vanessa raised an eyebrow.

“This idiot is on the wrong floor,” she signed to Steve. “Can you take him to Dustin? Tell him to stop letting his experiments run around the building unsupervised.”

Steve laughed. “Come on, Eddie. I’ll get you to where you need to go.”

Eddie signed “Asshole” to her before turning around and following Steve. Her laugh echoed down the hall.

“You have a mean receptionist,” he told Steve as the walked down the hall.

Steve grinned. “I know, isn’t she great? I love her.”

Eddie gulped and shoved his hands in his back pocket. “Didn’t know you were the kind to date the secretary, Harrington.”

Steve laughed. “If I tried that, her husband Nick would make sure my next hearing aid exploded.”

The knot that had formed in Eddie’s chest loosened. “I didn’t see a ring when we were signing, so I wondered.”

Steve nodded. “That’s fair. But he can’t wear one doing his work, so she told him that she wasn’t going to wear one either.”

“Is he deaf, too?” Eddie asked. He knew from Dustin that the company liked to hire hard of hearing and deaf individuals.

Steve shook his head. “One of my best interpreters, though. They came as a packaged deal. I can’t live without Vanessa and Dustin trusts Nick implicitly, I do too.”

Eddie smiled. “It seems like you two have made quite the company here.”

“It absolutely was a team effort,” Steve replied. “Dustin could MacGuiver that shit from his mom’s basement, but he couldn’t get people to listen to him about the technologies.”

“Whereas you could smooth talk a snake out of its skin?” he said, ducking his head and looking up at Steve slyly.

Steve laughed. “Something like that. So it worked to both of our strengths.”

He stopped at a door and then opened it. “Hey, Dusty! Look what I found wondering the halls like a lost puppy.”

Dustin’s head shot up. “There you are! Why didn’t you just message me on your phone, dumbass?”

Eddie flushed in embarrassment. “I thought I could figure it out. But this place is huge.”

Steve laughed. “Well Bo-peep, now that I’ve found your sheep, I’ve got to get back to work.” He jerked his thumb behind him. “Also Vanessa says to keep a tighter leash on your experiments.” He winked at Eddie who protested loudly.

“Hey,” Dustin said, glancing at Eddie quickly, “if you wanted you could come with us to lunch.”

Steve paused at the door and looked to Eddie. “If you don’t mind...”

Eddie shook his head. “You are more than welcome, Stevie.”

Steve felt that familiar swoop in his stomach at the old nickname. “Then sure. Where were you guys thinking of going?”

“Sushi!” Dustin said proudly.

Steve rolled his eyes. “I’ll pass thanks.”

Eddie cocked his head to the side. “Not a fan of raw fish, sweetheart?”

Steve’s stomach swooped again and he really needed Eddie to stop with the nicknames and endearments otherwise Steve wasn’t going to have much of a stomach left after a single lunch the way his stomach kept hollowing out.

Steve shrugged. “I’ve tried all kinds, including the cooked kind and it’s just not my thing. You two have fun though.”

Eddie may have panicked a bit because he blurted. “We could change the restaurant.”

Steve smiled sweetly. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your fun. I’ll just pick something more my flavor on Monday.” He waved goodbye and they waved back.

As the door was closing Steve could hear Dustin ask Eddie, “What happens on Monday?”

*

Steve was in his office when there was a knock on his door. He had taken out his contacts and pulled out his glasses, the beginning of a migraine floating just beyond the horizon.

He had been chugging water and had long since downed pain killers to stave it off. But he could still feel the pressure building behind his eyes.

When the knock came he looked up to see Eddie standing at the door with a take away box and smile.

“I come bearing gifts of the apology variety,” he said holding up the bag.

Steve’s shoulders sagged. “You didn’t have to do that. I would have grabbed a candy bar or something later.”

Eddie grinned. “It was Dustin’s idea, I am merely the messenger.”

“Why is everyone fussing about my eating?” Steve sighed.

“He said you tend to overwork and forget to eat.” Eddie raised an eyebrow.

Steve shoulders slumped. “He’s right. Sorry. It’s just that Edie’s been going on about my eating habits lately and it’s set me on edge.”

Eddie walked into the room and set his prize down on the table, sliding it over to him. “They got a reason to worry?”

Steve pulled the styrofoam box out of the bag and hummed happily when the scent of sesame chicken hit his nose. He pulled out the chop sticks and dug in, suddenly ravenous.

After a moment or two of stuffing his face, he shook his head. “Not really. Which is why it’s weird, it’s come out of nowhere.”

“You been eating less lately?” Eddie asked, leaning forward on the desk, having pulled up a chair up close.

Steve cocked his head as he thought about it. “I mean not really. Like yeah, sometimes I’ll work through lunch, but I always make sure to grab something later. It’s not disordered eating or whatever they’re calling it these days.”

Eddie nodded. “Anything that’s happened recently that maybe put her on edge and had her latch on to your eating habits?”

Steve scoffed around a bite of chicken. “You mean other than this really great guy I used to be friends with suddenly coming back into my life via his seventeen year old rockstar in the making?”

Eddie grinned. “Other than that, yeah.”

Again Steve gave his question the weight it deserved before shaking his head. “Nothing I can think of.”

Eddie threw himself back against the chair with a heavy sigh. “You got me then man. I don’t know.”

Steve smiled. “At least you tried.”

“Speaking of my rockstar in training, how’s your rockstar in training?” Eddie asked.

“Other than the fixating on my eating?” Steve asked. “She’s fine. Her mom tried to fuck with us again. Sent her packing via cops and lawyers. Hopefully she’ll stay away this time.”

Eddie winced. “Look, I love the name Edie. It’s beautiful, but who the hell names their daughter Edith anymore?”

Steve huffed out a laugh. “I know, right? I fought hard for Lilian. Or even just Lily. But no...it had to be Edith. I think it was a family name or some such bullshit.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “God, I think that honestly makes it worse.”

“Hence Edie,” Steve agreed. “So how did you and your husband come up with Harri. Edie said it’s spelled uniquely. With an ‘I’ instead of a ‘Y’?”

Eddie huffed and rolled his eyes. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

Steve tilted his head to the side. “I think Dusty or Nancy said it was after some prince or something.”

Eddie shook his head and ran his tongue over his teeth. “Yeah no. That’s official story. Prince Harry was born to the Prince and Princess of Wales two full years before Harri was even conceived. And when people started guessing that with Jay being English, we just didn’t bother to correct them.”

He grabbed the plaque that had Steve’s name on it and turned it around, covering the last five letters of his last name. It now read STEVEN HARRI.

It took Steve a moment before his eyes went wide. “And Jay was okay with that?”

Eddie shrugged. “It wasn’t Steven or Stephen with a ‘PH’. And I didn’t know your middle name.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” Eddie asked. “Why is my son named after a guy who’s name I’ve never spoken aloud in twenty years?”

Steve pursed his lips together and then licked them. “Yeah, man. That.”

“Jay wanted to name him after the man that save my life,” Eddie said softly. “But I was still mad at you about missing Brian’s funeral. Which I now know was because you thought Edie was being born, even if she waited a whole other week to finally make it.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I couldn’t make something up. Not with it in newspapers who the Hawkins hero was. So we used Harri.”

Steve finished his food and threw it away. He wiped off his hands. “Anyone ever guess the real meaning behind the name?”

Eddie shook his head. “Maybe Jeff. But no, everyone else thinks we were British snobs.”

“Well, I’m honored,” Steve said. “Not just because you think I’m a hero, but because Harri’s a good kid. I’m guessing he doesn’t know.”

Eddie shook his head. “I’ve got a letter from Jay that he’s going to get on his twenty-first birthday that will explain it. The surrogacy, his birth, his name. All of it. I wanted to tell Harri sooner, but Jay made me promise.”

Steve nodded. “He’ll probably still be angry. But at least a twenty-one, hopefully he’ll be be mature enough to understand why.”

Eddie slapped the desk with his palm. “That’s the hope.” He looked at his watch. “I’ve got to go. Harri’s got a dentist appointment. See you on Monday?”

Steve grinned. “Yeah. See you on Monday.”

***

Part 13 Part 14  Part 15  Part 16 Part 17  Part 18  Epilogue

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk @trashpocket @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @mightbeasleep @thedragonsaunt @chaoticlovingdreamer @trashpocket @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666  @carlyv @rozzieroos  @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @steddie-as-they-go @lillemilly @callas-shitshow @bisexualdisastersworld @renaissan-vvitch @immortal-iratze @bookbinderbitch @cardigangoth @lilacrobin @nightmareglitter @nerdsconquerall

[thecreaturecabin]

Exposure Therapy and Being Independent

Something I heard years ago that still sticks with me is “being brave doesn’t mean being fearless- it means doing things even though you’re scared of doing them.”

That’s something I’ve come to live by as I navigate life with severe anxiety, and it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot today.

In the last few months I took to exposure therapy to lessen my arachnophobia. It became too intense for me, and I decided I wanted to change that. I really didn’t like feeling helpless whenever I’d be alone in the house with a spider in the bathroom; no dad to come save me- his 22 year old daughter.

Maybe it’s a toxic state of mind, but I don’t like relying on people. I don’t ever want to be completely dependent on someone else, and that desire has led me to learning things I normally wouldn’t have any interest in (how to use a compressor, how to unclog the shower drain [hair], etc.)

Maybe I shouldn’t phrase it like that. It’s not that I don’t like relying on people; it’s more so that I want to be independent. And one of the things I could never be independent about was spiders.

I felt a bit ridiculous calling my dad to come save me from a tiny eight legged creature as a 22 year old. So I decided it was time to change!

I started using exposure therapy. I wouldn’t call my parents to rescue me from a bathroom spider anymore; I’d tell myself I would deal with it myself no matter how hard it was, no matter how long it took to hype myself up to do it.

It was MESSY at first. I fully cried from fear the first time I killed a spider on my own- and I didn’t stop trembling until an hour later, but I did it. I did it all on my own!

From that point on, I kept doing that. I’ve always been a bit unlucky when it comes to finding spiders, of course 🙄 so it wasn’t hard to practice.

Then when helping my mom garden, I told myself if I found a spider outside, I’d let it crawl on my hand. I didn’t want to, but I wanted to feel familiar with them. I wanted to make myself comfortable.

The first time I let a spider crawl on my hand, I was absolutely sloshed in the basement of a frat house. But I still did it. And then I killed it- which I’ve started feeling bad about doing. I don’t kill them if I can help it these days.

A few months later here I am, able to hold my own against the tiny crawlers. I still don’t like them and I still get scared, but I can DO it. I can do it on my own, and I’m proud of myself for that!

So now I have a different mission, my next fear to run through.

Public spaces.

I have anxiety, have had it my whole life, and after a year and a half of being on anxiety meds, I’m finally weening off. And I feel good. So, I decided it’s time to put my effort in healing to the test.

I love rollerblading. There’s this roller rink I’ve been going to since I was a kid, and I’ve always gone with friends or family. Never ever alone. Because I feel like a loser if I go alone- but.. my friends these days either don’t like roller skating or don’t know how and don’t want to learn- which is fine, everyone is entitled to their own opinion! I’d never force them to go with me for my sake; I don’t ever want to put my friends in a situation that makes them uncomfortable.

Which is why I’ve been hyping myself up over the last month to go by myself. To be independent. And for some reason, this has been so much scarier than killing spiders.

For three weeks now, I’ve tried to convince myself to go, and didn’t. Tonight it’s open and I’m trying to persuade myself to go. I’m not sure if I’ll succeed, but I really want to.

I’m scared- terrified even, of going alone. Why? I don’t really know. I’m scared of what people will think of me; going to a roller rink by myself. “She must not have any friends”. I’m scared of what they’ll think of my appearance. “She’s too big to do this”.

But no one has ever said those things to me. No one has ever even implied they think that way about me. And why do I care? These are strangers; I don’t know them and they don’t know me. My friends and family love me, and that’s all that should matter.

But this is something I’ve been battling my whole life; and it’s hard to get over! But I’m trying, I’m trying to be brave and face my fears head on. I’ll fail time and time again, but so long as I keep trying, I will succeed.

I’m being brave these days, and I’m proud of myself for it. It’s hard to be brave, but if the payoff means I can enjoy the things I love without fear, then it will be worth it!

[scarabsinthestardust]

Better in the Morning // Ch. 6

MASTERLIST

word count: 2300+

CHAPTER WARNINGS: Language, mentions of a strained parental relationship, anxiety

I’ll admit, I was shocked when Jake first told me he wanted me to meet his family. He proposed I tag along with them to Michigan for the holidays; he was beyond excited to show me his hometown, and to introduce me to his mom. I shouldn’t have been surprised- we’d been together for almost two years, and it wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned it. This was a perfectly normal thing for couples to do, so why was I so goddamn nervous? The way the guys talked about their family, it was safe to assume they had wonderful, caring, loving, and normal parents. I worried that I wouldn’t belong there. I played scenarios over in my head that someone would ask about my parents, and it would all be downhill from there; they’d think I wasn’t good enough for Jake, that I’d tarnish the bloodline. It sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud. Looking back, I realize it was a stupid thing to worry about at all.

My knee was shaking, and Jake placed a hand on me to still it. I was never bothered by planes, but I let Jake believe I was just a nervous flier. It was easier than explaining why I was terrified to meet his parents.

He warned me that December in Michigan would be cold, but I wasn’t prepared for how cold. He chuckled at me, bundled up in all my layers, my teeth chattering as we waited for our ride outside the airport. “What, are you cold or something?” I shot a glare at him and the shit-eating grin on his face. “Doesn’t it get cold in West Virginia?”

“N-not like this. B-b-besides, I was born in T-Texas. I th-thrive in heat.”

He wrapped an arm around my waist and brought his lips to my ear. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to warm you up later, huh?”

The next shiver that ran through me probably wasn’t from the cold, and an involuntary gasp escaped my lips.

“Get a room!” Sam yelled overdramatically, in his exaggerated Midwest accent. Jake grinned and flipped him off just as the car pulled up.

The ride was easy, full of excited chatter from the boys, and it helped me to swallow my nerves for the time being. Danny was dropped off at his parents’ house first, with promises to come by the Kiszkas’ later. I didn’t tell anyone I saw him squeeze Sam’s thigh before departing. When we arrived at our destination, my heart started pounding again.

Jake grabbed my hand as everyone was unloading. “It’s going to be fine, babe. They’re going to love you.” I could only pray he was right.

I sucked in a deep breath as we entered the house, Josh leading the way. I was immediately aware how warm it was inside, a welcome shift from the freezing temperature outside. It smelled nice, like a mix of pine and peppermint. The initial excitement, everyone exchanging hugs and ‘I missed you’s had me backed into a corner. I felt like I was only going to be in the way. But when Karen, Jake’s mom, had greeted all her children, she turned her attention to me.

I’m sure it was obvious how nervous I was. She shooed the boys away to give us some space. “You must be Kya. I’ve heard so much about you. I’m so glad you could make it.” She extended her arms to pull me into a soft, welcoming hug. I hugged her back and returned the sentiment. “Let me look at you.” She pulled back to look me in the eyes, her hands on my shoulders. “I can see why you caught Jake’s eye, you’re so pretty.”

I felt the blush creep up my cheeks and did my best to mutter a thank you. I was introduced to their dad, Kelly, and received an equally sweet welcome from Ronnie, Jake’s younger sister.

Most of the evening was spent chatting, everyone getting caught up on what was going on in each other’s lives. Karen asked me questions about my job, how I liked living in Nashville, and some general small talk. No one ever raised any questions about my family, and I wondered if Jake had already said something to them. On one hand, I was grateful I wouldn’t have to force out any awkward explanations to people I barely knew, but I didn’t know how much Jake, or even Josh, would have told them.

They really were such nice people; I didn’t feel like I was being judged or looked down on. They made me feel welcome. We all sat at the dining room table and shared dinner, which was frankly quite delicious. I wasn’t surprised; Jake had to have gotten his culinary talent from somewhere. But as the night progressed, us all gathered in the living room sipping on wine, the nerves started to make a comeback. Jake stood in the corner by the record player, chatting with Kelly about some vinyl or another. Everyone was absorbed in their own conversations, and I was suddenly feeling entirely too hot. I grabbed my jacket and slipped out the back door, hoping no one would notice. Someone did.

I stood against the railing on the back porch, reveling in the quiet and focusing on getting my thoughts in order. It wasn’t that I wasn’t having a good time, and the Kiszkas had been nothing but nice to me. So why did I feel like crying? I pegged it on to the fact I was tired, or maybe I could blame it on some seasonal depression and told myself to get it together.

I jumped at the sound of the back door opening. I expected Jake and was caught off guard when I was met with Karen instead. “You alright, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Just needed some air.” I forced a smile to show her I was fine.

What I didn’t know was how observant a mother of four could be, and I certainly wasn’t expecting her to pick up on what I was feeling so easily. “I know it can be a little overwhelming sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with needing to take a breather every once in a while.”

Sighing and rubbing my eye, willing myself not to cry, I fiddled with one of the rings on my finger. “I’m sorry. You guys have been wonderful. I’m just not used to… all this.” I waved my hand around, gesturing to the house and hoped she wouldn’t take it the wrong way.

“Oh, it’s okay. Like I said, things can get a little chaotic in this house when the boys are home. I know… I hope you won’t be upset with him… Jake told me a little about your parents. I won’t pester you for details, but I want you to know you have a family here. And if you ever need to talk, woman to woman, you can always reach out.”

At the time, I couldn’t understand why she was opening up and inviting me into her family so easily. Part of me expected her to be like Josh, distrusting and overprotective. She didn’t know me all that well. And I had a hard time fighting off the thought that I didn’t deserve this.

She must have noticed my confusion, although the few stray tears that escaped might have been a dead giveaway for how I was feeling. She grabbed a soft hold of my hand. “Jake speaks so highly of you. Josh and Sam, too.” I was a bit dumbfounded to hear that even Josh had talked about me to his mom, and that it was all good things. “I can’t thank you enough for taking care of my baby, Kya. I think you’ve been so good for him, and I can tell he loves you so much.”

And with that, any ounce of self-control I had went out the fucking window. The tears were flowing freely now, and this amazing woman who had brought the love of my life into this world hugged me, just comforting me like any good mother would.

I eventually calmed myself down and pulled away from her, wiping my eyes. “God, I’m so sorry. I’m a fucking mess.” I flinched at the curse that slipped out, but she didn’t seem fazed. I’m sure she’d heard worse raising the boys.

She tsk’d at my apology. “Oh, stop it.” I heard the back door open again; this time it was Jake that stepped out, a worried expression on his face. I quickly wiped my eyes, hoping he didn’t see me crying on his mother’s shoulder.

“Everything okay out here?”

Karen smiled. “Yeah, we’re good. Girl talk.”

Jake placed a hand on my back and looked at me, searching my own expression. “Your lips are blue, babe.”

I giggled. I was so distracted I hadn’t noticed how cold I was. “That’s because we’re in the damn arctic, Jacob.”

With a smug grin on his face, he planted a kiss on the tip of my nose. “You just need thicker skin.”

Back inside (and back in the comfortable warmth) and feeling like a weight had been lifted off my chest, I was able to enjoy the rest of the evening. After everyone retired for the night, I was laying with Jake on the small bed in his childhood bedroom. It still looked like a teenage boy’s room; old posters lined the walls, including what I guessed was the first Greta Van Fleet poster they made. The room still held remnants of when they were young, whispers of memories of much simpler times. Jake held me close and told me stories of their youth until I started to doze off.

“Thank you for coming with me,” he whispered into the crown of my head.

“Thank you for letting me into your life.”

~

The rest of the holiday went off without a hitch. Early Christmas morning we gathered around the tree in the living room, everyone excited for the gift exchange. The fire was lit, giving the house a nice, cozy feeling. I sipped on some coffee and sat cozied up to Jake on the couch, happily watching everyone excitedly opening their gifts. I’d even made it out with a handful of presents myself, which I didn’t really expect but it was sweet, and I was so appreciative. By the end, the floor was littered with shreds of wrapping paper and bows, haphazardly tossed to the ground. I helped clean up while Jake helped Karen start prepping for the huge dinner they would serve later. I also spent some time talking with Ronnie, getting to know the other Kiszka sibling.

I’d gotten a few ‘Merry Christmas’ messages from friends, and one from Richie asking if I was having a good time. I sent a few scattered responses, not wanting to appear to have my nose buried in my phone for too long.

We’d stuffed ourselves way too full at dinner and I was ready to crash. I found myself on the couch, snuggled up with Jake. We had swiped a fleece throw blanket and under the cover of it, his fingers traced along the skin under my shirt absentmindedly. Another buzz from my phone had me holding it up in front of my face.

Unknown number – 8:34 PM

Merry Christmas. Hope you’re well, mija.

I let out a sigh, debating if I wanted to respond. I glanced up at Jake to find him staring at my phone inquisitively. “My dad,” I explained.

“You don’t have his number saved?” I could tell he was only curious; there wasn’t anything judgmental in his voice.

“He changes his number frequently. Probably using a burner phone or something.”

“Is… is that normal?”

He sounded so confused; I couldn’t help but laugh. “For that nutjob? Yeah.” I shot back a quick text, just wishing him a Merry Christmas, not wanting to reveal too much information. He was the last person who needed to know I was in Michigan with my boyfriend.

~

When it was time to pack up and leave, it was bittersweet. Karen loved having her kids home for the holidays, but the time always came for them to return to their lives in Nashville. Plenty of hugs were exchanged and promises made that we would let her know when everyone was home safe.

Karen ensured I had her number and gave me another reminder to call if I ever needed anything. “Even if you just need me to keep Jake in line once in a while,” she joked. He’d rolled his eyes at that, bidding one last goodbye to his family and leading me out the door.

Jake promptly fell asleep on the plane ride home, giving me some time to think. That was when I realized that my previous worries were, in fact, stupid. His family had welcomed me with open arms, even when they didn’t know me. His mom treated me like I was one of her own, never once shying away, despite my emotional meltdown. She provided the kind of motherly love that I didn’t get to experience as a child, and it made me feel safe. On top of it all, Jake’s willingness and eagerness to invite me into his own family so easily warmed my heart.

He looked so peaceful while he slept. I was a little jealous at the ease with which he could fall asleep on an airplane, neck craned at what I knew had to be an uncomfortable position. I studied him then- his jawline, his lips, the shape of his nose, how his eyes fluttered behind his eyelids as he dreamt. He was beautiful, and I was so proud of him and everything he was, and he was all mine.

[uluvjay]

Can i request “don’t come any closer! “ from list4 for Mason McTavish please?

Mason x fem reader

Warnings?; admissions of cheating, crying, arguing, angst, long distance relationship

The first thing that came to mind was mason cheating on his long term / long distance gf over the season and having to admit it when he went back home and drama😍, I hope you enjoy!

—

I stood with Masons dad at the pick up area in the airport waiting for Mason. Long distance had been hard and i couldn’t wait to have him in my arms again. It had been almost eight months since I had seen him and I couldn’t wait.

I must have zoned out because next thing I knew I heard Masons dad saying “here he comes” and then the two were in a tight hug.

When they pulled away Masons dad went to get Masons bags and mason turned to me, and i couldn’t contain myself as I jumped into his arms.

“I missed you so much” I mumbled into his neck and his arms wrapped around me.

“Me too, I’m so happy to be back home” he spoke putting you down. But he wouldn’t make eye contact with me and i noticed he was a little nervous.

“Mase you okay?” I asked as his eyes finally met mine, they looked different, the bright light that was usually there was missing and they looked sad when we made contact.

“Yeah baby I’m all good” he said before pulling me back into his arms and placing a kiss on my head.

—

A few hours later everyone was sat at the McTavish dinner table eating and catching up, but i still noticed something was up with Mason. He was a lot more quiet then usual and every time someone’s iPhone went off he jumped and checked his. His mother had scolded him multiple times for it but unlike him he still checked it every time. As everyone started to clean up i noticed he had slipped out onto the back deck and was on the phone with someone.

“What’s up with him?” His mom asked as i helped her dry dishes from dinner.

“Not sure, is it okay if I go check on him?” I asked not wanting to leave her with all the dishes.

“Of course sweetie, go ahead” she smiled at me

I thanked her before heading out the sliding door. At the sound my boyfriend quickly told the person he was talking to that he’d call them back later. He turned to face me but once again with a sad look in his eyes.

“I’m only gonna ask one more time, what’s wrong Mason? And don’t say nothing because I can see it in your eyes” I told him in a stern but caring voice.

He didn’t reply for a moment, only tipped his head back and took a deep breath, “I messed up Y/n” he said to me looking at the ground.

“What do you mean Mason?” I asked him, stomach filling with dread at what was about to come out his mouth.

“I’ve been cheating on you” he mumbled and i swear I could feel my heart breaking.

“What?..W-with who? Why? What the fuck mason?” I couldn’t believe him, all the times you’d had guys come up and offer to buy me a drink, attempt to take me home even after i told them about my boyfriend, and I never once thought about actually being with anyone but him.

“She’s a friend of one of Trevor’s hook ups, we’ve been sleeping together for a few months now” he told me with his eyes still on the ground.

“Are you fucking kidding me Mason!? You couldn’t have just told me you didn’t want to be with me anymore? You had to go and consistently fuck another girl?” You yelled at him not caring if his parents heard.

“I’m sorry Y/n, really you don’t deserve any of this and I’m a total piece of shit for putting you through this”

My tears were coming now, all these years I stuck by his side just for him to throw me to the curb for a groupie.

“Your right Mason! I don’t fucking deserve any of this! I’ve been nothing but a good and supportive girlfriend for the last four years just for you to end up fucking some groupie!”

“Baby please don’t cry” he tried as he began moving towards me.

“No! Don’t come any closer you asshole!” You yelled at him.

“I’ll ask your mom to pack my stuff and pick it up once you go back to California. Lose my number while your at it” I told him before walking back into his parents house.

As i reached the front door his mom was standing there with tears of her own in her eyes, “Honey im so, so sorry he did this to you” she cried while pulling me into a hug.

“I love you mama, but I really have to go and I promise not to become a stranger I love you guys to much , I just need some time” I told her giving her a kiss on the cheek and walking out.

[ughdontbeboring]

so yal may be surprised af to know I’ve never watched Elvis the movie or even any clips even though I’ve been a Austin fan since his earlier days and a bigggh Baz fan since Romeo + Juliet (still so obsessed and Moulin Rouge ahhh so good) I honestly wasn’t sure how’d they portray Elvis and his relationship with black artist of the time and culture and I didn’t want to have to go there bc I adore them both. Plus I surprisingly don’t remember that much press for it but I know that’s more of who I was following. It’s only been the past couple months I’ve been catching up on that press tour and I’m so obsessed I love love lovvvvveeee Baz and Austin tg and I pray they work tg again.

but then eventually I obviously heard such good things about it and kept telling myself to watch it and idk just never did.

sooooooooo here I go yall and I have a feeling I’m about to be even more obsessed 😅🥲😭

also I asked my mom if she wanted to watch and she said “girl I been watched it! Me and grandma watched it together and it was so good, it was like watching an Elvis concert. Put it on I’ll watch it again”

like ok wow girl you just been watched it without me 🙄 also I’m sure she doesn’t realize Austin is the same actor from our show The Shannara Chronicles. Gosh I loved that series when it aired.

so I’ll be back and down bad and even worse for Austin and stil pledging my love for Baz all these years later.

UPDATE BELOW

wow yall just wow

wow wow wowwwwww I’m obsessed

it was so emotional and so visually stunning. I personally loved the respect and appreciation they showed for black culture. I know people are 50/50 on it but I feel like was never told this way, that Elvis did in fact care and appreciate this community he grew up in and felt accepted by. When he needed to get back to himself THAT is where he could go either physically or in song.

wow Austin was wow. He was extraordinary. I love love Brendan but idk Austin just brought a life and emotion to Elvis NO ONE has been able to over all these years. From his happiness to his grief. He was able to bring back a love and appreciation for Elvis. Def Oscar worthy.

and Baz. A real fucking genius. No one could have made this movie but him, not in true Elvis fashion. I think Elvis would have loved the way he shot this. The way Baz told his story. but it is a film sadly I will probably never watch again it was just tooo emotional for me. I’m sucker for people losing their parents young or being taking advantage of and he was!!! And he died sooooooo young I swear my whole life I thought this man passed in his 60s and he was HARDLY 40!! Omg my heart just breaks for him and those who truly loved and cared for him.

I really don’t have a favorite part but i love all the early shots of Elvis and Austin in the pink!! Ah! And the pink lace omg it’s just such a look. Austin pulls off the pink so well. Him running around on Beale Street. The opening scene with Elvis and how we hardly see his face as we’re tryna catching up with him and we mostly just see the people around him. I love how the guy yells out at him fairy or something and you can just see the gf intrigued and then Elvis just goes off and then she’s the first one to scream and then he yells for her to sit down when she jumps up! lmfao I was cracking up. Loved that part.

one of the other parts I loved is how Baz shoots Toms character the colonel when he’s trying to get a first look at young Elvis out back. He truly shot him like the predator he was. That was just ugh I loved that part, young Elvis is w his mama and those who care abt him and he’s nervous and just tryna get a grip and here he is watching and just taking in what he can to use for his own good. Ugh fucking piece of shit.

and the closet scene crying over him mama 😭 that must have been emotional for Austin.

and when they threatened him not to shake a pinky and he does before letting loose and all hell breaks loose.

I can see why Austin ended up in the hospital right after filming it must have taken such a toll on his body I can’t imagine what Elvis was actually feeling and sadly I understand why he passed so young.

I mean 10/10!! stunning

loooooveeeed this scene!! And how they shot the focus.

[fandomzwriterk]

Smoke and Mirrors

Pairings: Tomas Vrbada/Smoke x OC

Warnings: slight gore + Amnesiac!OC + religious trauma (?) + characters dying + hinted innuendos later on + Kuai & Bi Han trying to be good brothers + Liu Kang as a dad figure (?) + Tomas just being his sweet lovable self + Bi Han being kind of a dick + Kuai Liang having no clue what it’s like to have a sister + confused “brother” Kuai Liang (?) + Raiden, Kung Lao, Johnny, and Kenshi being simps (mostly Raiden)

PT: 6/?

While Kuai and Bi-Han went on a mission in Las Angeles, Angel and Tomas were stuck back at base with Raiden and the other new recruits. Liu Kang didn’t take Tomas with his brothers, which in of itself was an odd thing. Angel didn’t mind though, as long as she wasn’t alone.

“So how did you come to join the Lin Kuei?” Raiden asked the pale haired girl

Raiden and Kung Lao sat at the steps of main path to the training grounds where everyone else was. Angel was nearby, sitting on a rock thinking with her back to them.

“I’m sure it was a grand story right? Much like the brothers?”

Angel was silent, hearing them but never saying a word.

“I’m sure your family must be proud too… or the family that raised you right? Bi-Han and Kuai Liang’s parents right?”

“They didn’t raise me. I showed up here months ago. That’s all.”

“That’s all? There has to be more right?”

Angel stood up, turning around to face both men as she stood towering over them.

“No. There isn’t. As far as I know, I remember nothing before I came here. All I have are the times I’ve spent here for the last few months, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m happy I have something to be in the Lin Kuei for.”

Raiden and Kung Lao were silent, letting Angel jump down and proceeding to walk away, letting Tomas walk in their direction as Angel went the other.

“Angel?”

She ignored him, walking past him as he watched her attention turn away from Raiden and Kung Lao.

“Did I say something?” Raiden asked

Raiden was concerned, he was a newbie to everyone here and he probably just offended the last person he wanted to wrong.

“What’d you say?” Tomas asked

“I just asked how her time was here as a kid and she told me she’s barely been here for a few months. I didn’t mean to offend.”

“We swear it wasn’t our intent.”

“I know. You’re curious, trust me I know. It just takes time with her.”

“She said she doesn’t remember anything. Is that true? How does she know her name though?”

“Oh that’s the name I gave her. She didn’t have one, so I called her that and then so did everyone else. It just stuck.”

“Oh. You really seem to care about her don’t you?”

“Of course. She’s probably my best friend here, and maybe my only friend.”

However… Raiden and Kung Lao didn’t believe him. But then again, as Liu Kang said, Tomas has a good heart, so maybe it’s just his nature to love and care for everyone the same. Maybe that was also because Tomas kept to himself, really only talking to his brothers and Angel.

“Why did you pick the name Angel?”

Tomas shrugged, he didn’t really have an answer. He just knew of angels from stories his mom told him, and Angel radiated that “energy” about her.

“Anyways. We’re gonna go train but can you tell Angel we’re sorry for us?”

“Sure guys, I will.”

And they all went separate ways. Tomas walking to find Angel while Raiden and Kung Lao went to train on the other side of the base.

“Angel? Where did you go?”

Silence greeted Tomas as he took quiet and careful steps, making sure not to disturb Angel in case she didn’t see him coming.

“Angel?” He whispered

“Tomas?”

His attention went up, noticing Angel sitting on the roof of a small hut that some foot soldiers slept in.

“I’ll be right there.” Tomas answered as he used his smoke magic to disappear, then reappearing next to Angel who was seated at the edge of the hut

“What made you come looking for me?”

Tomas adjusted his sitting, hanging his legs over the rooftop with Angel as well. Angel looked sad, seeming to try and think of something.

“Are you alright Angel?”

She nodded, just sighing as she moved her hands back, deciding to lean back a little to stare at the sky. The covers over her eyes intrigued Tomas each and every day. What could possibly be under those? What color did they look like? White? Red? Tomas wanted to know.

“You ever take it off?”

“This?” Angel asked pointing to her eyes with her pointer finger

“Yeah. How can you even see? Is it just muscle memory?”

“I… I don’t know. It’s as if I can see everything, but it’s like I’ve done this all before.”

“Before?”

“Like this just a memory that my own body remembers, just not me. As if I have no control, I just see and speak.”

Angel looked defeated. What even was she to begin with? How do you start a whole life over with no memory of anything before the moment you open your eyes, like nothing ever happened.

“Maybe, it’s just you. Maybe somehow, before you came here, maybe you were a good fighter. Maybe you were the strongest out there.”

Tomas was optimistic at trying to help Angel to remember anything, even if it didn’t seem significant at first. I hurt him to see Angel sad, after all she’s been good to him and his brothers. Tomas was willing to help someone who cared for him back, so he was going to do anything his friend asked of him.

“I’m sure we’ll figure it out together.”

Angel nodded, still staring out into the horizon, seeming to be thinking of something.

“I’ll see you in the morning Tomas.” She spoke softly before standing up, spreading her wings and taking off towards the other side of the complex

Next morning…

Angel woke up when a loud sound of someone screaming jolted her senses awake. Looking to her left and onto her table side, she reached for a small blade, letting it extend into a spear as she jumped out of bed. One hand in front her and the other behind her, Angel slowly walked to the door. She opened it, slowly looking left towards the wall that was next to Kuai’s room, who was at the end of the hall. She looked right, seeing Raiden about five feet in front of her also walking carefully and slowly. Quickly, she pulled her head back behind the door.

“What in the world are you doing?”

“I came to see if you were awake. I didn’t mean to alarm you.”

Angel made the blade disappear, standing up to full walk out the door.

“It wasn’t you who woke me up. I heard someone screaming.”

“Screaming? Oh you mean Johnny.”

“Johnny?”

“One of the new champions from last night. You know, the one Lord Liu Kang wanted to find.”

“Right. I remember.”

“Well come on! Everyone’s waiting for you.”

He turned and ran down the hall, completely forgetting the fact that Angel had her hair over her face in case the wraps fell from her face. She turned to walk back inside her room, making her way to the long white outfit she wore every day. It was almost like a robe, but the back was longer than the front. Her wraps lay on top of the robe, also noticing her golden robe pieces were a little dirty.

“No problem. I can easily clean this later.”

She put on her robe-like dress, making sure the sleeves were perfectly cut halfway down her shoulders. She didn’t show as much of her body like Smoke and his brothers did, but Angel still felt happy with what she wore. The perfectly shaped hole on the back was small, but just big enough for her to spread her wings comfortably. So with her dress on and her golden bands on her wrists, Angel walked out the door and went to go outside. It wasn’t even five seconds before she walked out that a loud “FUCKING SHIT” could be heard somewhere in the distance.

“Oh no.”

To be continued…

[arc-misadventures]

For the kryptonian au since he’s part Superman has he ever encountered any kryptonite

A Pretty Rock

Jaune: Hi, Mom.

Kara: Hello, Jaune. Why did you call? You know we can just talk, and we can hear each other with our super hearing.

Jaune: I know, I just prefer looking at you when we talk, it feels better than this weird disembodied talking thing we do. Plus it doesn’t look weird.

Kara: Fair, that’s fair. So, how is school, meet any hot girls~?

Jaune: I won’t lie, there are a few.

Kara: Good, very good~!

Jaune: That’s all you’re gonna get on that front.

Kara: That’s good enough for me~! So, how are things going with your team?

Jaune: It’s going great! Well… Mostly great… Ren, is the brother I never had! He’s really great to be around, a but moody, but hey, who isn’t it? Pyrrha is a ray of sunshine, she’s been giving me help with all this stuff I need to learn about being a, Huntsman. She’s amazing~!

Kara: Is she now~?

Jaune: And, then there’s, Nora. Haaaa…

Kara: What’s wrong with, Nora?

Jaune: She’s developed a habit of finding shiny rocks, and throwing them at me.

Kara: What’s wrong with that?

Jaune: She’s either throwing, Dust shards she somehow manages to find. Or, a Kryptonite shards…

Kara: Oh, how did that go?

Jaune: Well…

~~~

Nora: Hey, Jaune! Look at the cool rock I found?

Jaune: What ro-AHCK?!

(Thud!)

Nora: Jaune…? Jaune?!

~~~

Kara: Green Kryptonite?

Jaune: Yep, she hit me square in the head. Knocked me out cold…

Kara: Ohhh…! That must have hurt…

Jaune: Yeah, she’s got one hell of a throwing arm…

Kara: Well, she was bound to find a green Kryptonite shard now, and then. You know how she’s like that.

Jaune: Yeah… Green shard…

Kara: What happened?

Jaune: Well…

~~~

Nora: Jaune, I made you this cool necklace with this pretty red rock!

Jaune: Red rock?! I don’t like red… rocks…

Nora: Tada~! Oh, don’t you look good~! Don’t you agree, Jaune? Jaune…?

Jaune: Hehe… Hey, Nora…?

Nora: Yeah?

Jaune: Didn’t you break my bed the other day…?

Nora: Yeah, sorry about that.

Jaune: Not yet you are.

Nora: Hmm?

~~~

Kara: Red Kryptonite?

Jaune: Yep…

Kara: Haa… What happened?

Jaune: Well… My month long detention is almost done…

Kara: Oh no…

~~~

Jaune: Bahahahaha! Burn you pathetic insects! Burn!

Ruby: He’s destroying the cafeteria with his laser vision!

Yang: AHHHH!!! He cut my hair?! My hair?!!!

Glynda: Why is he acting like this?!

Nora: Don’t worry! I’ve got this! Hey, Jaune!

Jaune: WHAT?!

Nora: Catch!

Jaune: Nice try, you’re not gonna… Gonna…? Uhh… Why is the cafeteria on fire?

~~~

Kara: Blue Kryptonite?

Jaune: Yeah…

Kara: Where does she find all of these?

Jaune: I don’t know, and I’m too scared to find out.

Kara: But she hasn’t found any other types of Kryptonite has she?

Jaune: No, no she did…

Kara: What did she find?

~~~

Jaune: It’s, Nora’s fault not mine! Red Kryptonite makes me evil!

Yang: But, you cut my hair, you bastard!

Jaune: Okay, I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…

Nora: Catch, Jaune!

Jaune: Don’t you dare?! Wait… Pink Kryptonite?! Ohh…

A brilliant shining light envelopes, Jaune as he turned into what some thought was a far more appealing form.

Jaune: Fuck…

Nora: Wow! You turned into a girl!

Jaune: I hate it when this happens… At least, my clothes changed to fit this body… But, gods I don’t have a bra! These things are at least are a, Double H! My back is going to kill me!

Nora: But, your smoking hot! Right guys! Guys?

Five red faces, and five noses bleeding. Jaune couldn’t help, but watch as his friends lost their minds. Jaune, couldn’t help, but sigh as he did it again.

Jaune: Haaa… Not this shit again…

~~~

Jaune: It wore off, but yeah, I hate it when that happens.

Kara: But, I like it when, Jeanne shows up.

Jaune: I don’t. And, I made it sure to tell, Nora that.

Kara: Oh, and how did you do that?

Jaune: I told her to cool off…

Jaune tilts the camera to the side to show, Nora frozen in a broke of ice.

Kara: Uhh… Is that a good thing?

Jaune: Well, I would drop her from really, really high up, but she enjoyed the fall too much. So, yeah… This is the best option I’ve got.

Kara: Will she be okay?

Jaune: Well, this is the forth time I’ve done it to her before. So, she’ll be…

(Shatter!)

Nora: I’m free! Take this, Jaune!

Jaune: …

Jaune: Fineeee…

Kara: Hi, Jeanne, how are you?

Jaune: Haaa… Fuck.

[askbensolo]

Journal Entry #43: laundry day

“I can understand why your mother has a protective tendency over you,” Fannie said, neatly folding a pair of pants. “You gave us quite a scare when you ran away.”

I made a face. I hated remembering that event, even if I couldn’t remember much. The night that Snoke convinced me to leave home and meet him in secret... I never ended up meeting him, but I did leave. The whole thing was a blur, and I had woken up in the medcenter a few days later.

“That was six years ago," I muttered, balling a pair of socks together and tossing it at the open drawer. I missed.

“Six years isn’t a very long time to older people,” Fannie pointed out.

"Well, don't tell my mom you think she's old."

"I never said that," Fannie said primly, "and I would never dream of disrespecting the Huttslayer in such a way." She started to hand me a pair of underwear, blushing, then stopped.

"Oh...the front needs to be sewn up. I could fix it for you, if you like."

I looked at it, and then at her, not sure what to say.

"It...it's supposed to be like that."

"It is?"

"Yeah."

She looked at me blankly, the very picture of a girl who had only had sisters.

I suppressed an awkward laugh. "Want me to explain?"

She went red. "Goodness, no." She thrust it at me and drew one of her tunics from the pile.

"...Anyway," I went on. "I just feel like I've changed so much, and it's not fair that the things that happened when I was younger are still being held against me like this."

"It's not you she doesn't trust, Ben. It's Snoke."

"Okay, but how does that play out practically?” I countered. “It’s me she’s always checking up on. Even if she has backed off a little. Every time I go home, or every time she calls me, she’s always gotta ask. ‘No more voices, right?’ I’ve been fine for years. I mean, the only thing keeping any of that alive is her, every time she brings it up and back into the present.”

I balled up another pair of socks and flung it hard. Missed again. Fannie bent down and put them in for me.

“You don’t have to do that, Fan.”

“Oh, I’m right here anyway.”

I sighed. “I just want to move on and forget about what happened. And I’m doing that. But she isn’t.”

“I think she’s right to be cautious,” Fannie said, sounding rather careful herself. “She doesn’t want to lose you again. And neither do I, or any of your other friends.”

I grumbled and tossed the last ball of socks, barely even trying. It went sideways, but course-corrected itself in mid-air and roosted cleanly in the drawer. I turned to Fannie, who had her hands behind her back and a look of wide-eyed innocence.

“Nice one, Fan.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I stacked a bunch of folded gym shorts on top of each other and chucked them into the closet. “I don’t even know what Snoke would do with me now, anyway. He never told me why he was trying to win me over—or if he did, he made it so I can’t remember now—but it doesn’t take a genius to figure it must have had something to do with the Skywalker blood. My Force potential—or whatever. He wanted me to train with my uncle. And I’ve tried to tell that to my mom. That if I went to go train with Luke, I'd probably just be playing into Snoke's hands somehow.”

I leaned half of my weight against the bed, spreading my arms to gesture around the room. “I’m safer here. Just a normal guy with a bachelor’s degree and a one-bedroom apartment he can’t afford, in a city he loves, living out the rest of his natural days in corporate hell like the Force intended.”

“I thought you said you were happy with your life,” Fannie remarked dryly.

“Oh, I am," I assured her. "Did you miss the 'city he loves' bit? Anyway—what’s Snoke gonna do with me now that I’ve got a bachelor’s in Journalism and no Force training? Make me write dark-side propaganda? Oh wait, I’m already doing that.”

“You’re so bad, Ben.”

“I’m a realist is what you mean," I corrected. "But what I mean is…I don’t see why he’d come after me anymore. I’ve rejected my bloodline. Rejected the Force. So…I’m not useful to him, or anyone else who’d want to control me. I’m safe.”

Fannie looked uncertain. “It does seem like you’re doing a lot better these days. And I do hope you’re right. But, I don’t know, Ben…I don’t think someone spends seventeen years poisoning a young mind through the Force, just to give up and disappear.”

“Well, that’s what it sure looks like to me,” I said, putting my hands on her shoulders to gently move her out of my path and sidling past. “He spent years priming me to be his little toy blaster, only for me to beat him and win. Can’t blame him for not wanting to show his face ever again."

I kicked the sock drawer closed with a satisfying thud.

[jjsstars]

feel safe — posted on my ao3 | 1.7k word count

|| tags : pre slash theo/scott, theo has a bad past, melissa mccall & theo raeken, theo is part of the pack, angst

Theo’s hands shake by his sides as he stands outside the McCall household, having already knocked once on the door, only once. If nobody comes then he’ll climb back into his car and drive to the woods and park somewhere random to sleep, he doesn’t want to push anyone to let him stay with them. He still doesn’t feel right about calling himself part of the pack, they’ve all assured him, even Stiles, that he is now. That he has earned his spot and has changed for the better.

The door creaks when it opens to Melissa standing at the threshold, she’s in pajama pants and a loose long sleeve, Theo suddenly gets scared he woke her. It’s only seven o’clock but maybe she had a long shift at the hospital and turned in early, he’d feel awful if her sleep got interrupted by him.

“Theo? Scott isn’t in right now, is everything alright?” She’s really asking if anything supernatural happened, it hasn’t. The town has been quiet and fairly normal since everything that happened ended.

“Everything’s okay, I was just..” His heart rate spike, he feels dumb for asking this, for wanting more from Scott and his family when he’s already taken so much.

“Do you think I could sleep on your couch tonight? Or- or the floor, I’m not picky, and- and it’s okay if you say no. I can sleep in my car, I’ll be fine, I don’t want to pressure you or anything-.” He stops when Melissa’s face falls to something Theo’s only ever seen her direct at Scott or Stiles, it’s motherly.

A concerned crinkle in her brow as her lips press together into a thin tight line and her eyes turn softer, bigger, worried. Theo doesn’t know what to do with this look being directed at him, his own mother, his real one, never showed this much emotion on her face. It was always stone cold stares and disgusted tsks at Theo and Taras actions, the women never had patience for children, neither did his father. Theo squirms under the gaze of Melissa before she’s pulling him inside by his shoulder.

“I was just watching a movie if you want to join me, or you can wait for Scott in his room.” He nods along silently as he toes his boots off at the door, his parents weren’t good at the whole maternal thing, but they taught him house manners.

“What are you watching?” There’s a blanket thrown atop Melissa’s lap and a cup of tea with steam still spilling off the top on the coffee table. Theo’s careful not to bump into the table as he sits himself beside Melissa, not too close, but enough that his nose can pick up on the fresh lavender lotion she has on. She must’ve just sat down when he showed up.

“The princess and the frog.” She says and leans to retrieve the remote and a book from the table, her book has a card sticking out of the top, she’s halfway through it. The cover is a navy blue with gold letters, it’s cursive and Theo can’t quite catch it from this angle, but the book looks old and worn so it must be good. He assumes it’s something romantic, he remembers Scott mentioning his mom reading a lot of “cheesy” romance novels.

“I’ve never seen it.” It’s animated which isn’t what he was expecting but it’s a pleasant surprise. Animated usually means it won’t be something scary, that’s what Lydia told him at the last pack movie night, they watched some superhero movie that Malia and Stiles wanted to see, Theo doesn’t remember most of it since he fell asleep halfway through. He just knows he prefers the non-scary movies, he’s seen enough horror and gore in his life, he’d rather watch something with a happy ending.

“Really? It’s a childhood classic.” He isn’t sure how to tell Melissa that he hasn’t seen most ‘childhood classics’ and that it doesn’t stop at just movies. He hasn’t read the books the others talk about, hasn’t seen the shows and movies, never had the toys and accessories they mention. His house was never made to fit children, that’s how he sees it at least. His mother and father always had guests coming over and didn’t have time to clean up toys that Tara and Theo left lying about, and they didn’t have time to change the channel from a kids show to something adult. Theo and Tara were left to their own devices and told to stay away from the guests, to not embarrass their parents. Theo remembers spending a lot of time drawing and listening to Tara make up story’s from thin air.

“I haven’t seen a lot of movies.” Theo’s missed out on a lot of pop culture, more than he’d like to admit, but he’s trying to catch up and cue into things that the other teens talk about. Lydia said they’d watch Ariel, a movie she was obsessed with as a child and Theo hasn’t seen, so that way he could understand the songs she sings under her breath when she works with her hands. The pack have been kind about Theo’s lack of knowledge in certain things, the same way they’re kind about things Malia misses, he appreciates it more than they’ll probably ever know.

“Scott mentioned something like that. I think you’ll like this one, everyone does.” He nods along and looks at the Tv, Melissa has her book open and he doesn’t want to seem rude by staring at her as she reads.

“What’s it about?” The characters and art style are upbeat in a way, a simple color palette, it’s easy to tell this is a kids movie.

“A princess and a frog.” A small laugh comes from both of them. Theo likes how easy it is to talk to Melissa, to smile with her, it reminds him of when he talks to Scott. He never realized how much Scott’s like his mother but now that he’s sitting beside her it seems obvious.

They both have a warmth to them. It bleeds into their house, Theo always feels comforted and mellow in the McCall home, there’s never any worry about having to perform or keep up a reputation when he’s here. It even smells like home, a soft and sweet smell, none of the sour and harsh smell from his parents house. It doesn’t reek of strong chemical cleaners or three sprays too much of an expensive perfume, instead he’s hit with the scent of Scott and Melissa. It’s natural, gentle, no lingering tension or blood rapidly cleaned off the walls. He sinks into the feeling their house provides, the safety and security that he can put his guard down.

-

He isn’t sure how much times passes but he’s shaken awake by somebody’s hand on his shoulder. His head is leaned against Melissas shoulder, her sleep shirt is velvety on his cheek, he can hear every even breath she takes and hear how she murmurs something to whoever is standing in front of them. Theo doesn’t want to move, he likes being close to someone like this, it’s tranquil, something he doesn’t get to feel often. He wants to savor it.

“C’mon Theo I’ll take you upstairs, you can sleep in my bed.” Scott, his brain recognizes. His arms outstretch to Scott without a second thought, he thinks he’d die if anyone else saw this, but Scott only laughs, he sounds just like Melissa.

Arms wrap around Theo quickly, one hooking under his knees and the other around his back, Scott hefts him up with ease. It’s no surprise with his werewolf strength, Theo thinks Scott would try to carry him even without it. That’s just the kind of person he is, the kind of person Theo wishes he could be. He admires how Scott always tries to help his pack, even back when Theo was under the influence of the dread doctors, he still saw through the haze of their control and had respect for Scott. For how he acted, talked, he always had so much regard for people's emotions and wanted to find the correct way to solve a situation, not just a way, but the one that took into consideration everyone’s feelings and how they’d be impacted by it.

“Scott?” He asks once they reach Scott’s bed, he can feel how Scott stops at the bed frame hitting his shins.

“Yeah Theo?” All the attentiveness in the world shows in McCalls words, two simple words and Theo feels his chest go tight. How can someone care for him like this? After everything, he doesn’t deserve to be cared about, yet Scott does.

“Thank you.” Theo could spend a decade telling Scott thank you for everything he’s ever done and it wouldn’t feel enough. There’s nothing that could fully portray how much Scott means to Theo, how much value Scott’s come to hold.

“I’ll carry you to bed any day Theo.” It’s spoken like a secret, a whisper tone, so delicate Theo can’t help but cling his arms harder around Scott. His face tucks into Scotts neck, breathing him in, reminding himself that this isn’t some big dream and that it’s real.

“You make me feel safe, your house and your mom and just, you. I’m not afraid when I’m here.” He uses the same whisper that Scott did in hopes that Scott will take in every word. Theo can’t believe he’s being so vulnerable, so fragile, he thinks Scott understands.

“I’ll always be here to protect you.” Scott moves to lay them both down on the bed with Theo still held in his arms, like breaking the position would just be too painful. Theo appreciates it, and how Scott starts to scratch his hand up and down Theo’s back, it’s absentminded and Theo can tell Scott doesn’t realize he’s doing it. He just is, always giving that extra level of care.

“I know.” It’s the truth. He does. He always has, even when things were messy and Theo was the one in the wrong, Scott still would’ve protected him if he needed it, it’s not a question for Scott. He’ll always protect people who need it, Theo loves him for it.

[vey-myname]

[012] • if you’ll let me | take the stage!

prev | masterlist | next

word count: 3.4k | cw: family issues, mentions of alcohol

time flies by so fast, you didn’t expect it to be friday already. today marks the day that you’ll have your first alcoholic drink ever. you weren’t one to party or to drink so you wanted to be cautious about your tolerance. regardless, you still think that passing the audition is worth celebrating.

your last class has just ended, curse the heavens for allowing a class to end at 7 pm. you had told your mom that you’ll be going home late since you wanted to finish your tasks at the 24/7 study nook near your university so that all you’ll be doing this weekend is to snooze off. but of course, that’s a lie. if she knew you were out drinking with friends, you know it won’t end all pretty. it sucks.

but hey, it’s time to loosen up. you’re in college now, after all.

you were fixing your things when a familiar voice calls out to you, walking towards you.

it was childe.

“how was class?” he greets you with a smile. ever since monday, whenever you two would plan to meet to eat or hang out, childe made it a habit to pick you up from your classes. it was really endearing.

you smile back at him, zipping your bag as you wear it on your shoulder.

“pretty okay. got called for recitation but i think i did good.” you share with him. “let’s go?”

“i’ll lead the way,” childe started walking off with you beside him, exiting the premises of your building and eventually your university.

“i would be lying if i said i don’t feel… nervous meeting your friends for the first time.” you admit out loud to him, fiddling with the straps of your bag.

“don’t be! they’re only mean to me,” childe laughs, his laughter putting you in a sense of peace which made you chuckle a bit. “two of them are really big fans of yours though, so i hope that won’t make you feel awkward.”

“oh, i have fans?” you wondered, looking up at him curiously. you never expected to hear that. sure, your friends, especially jean, always told you that they’re your fans but you always thought of it as friendly support. it caught you off guard knowing that beyond your friends, you do have people who genuinely admire you and your skills. it felt pretty foreign to you but you won’t lie that that also made you feel a bit more confident about yourself.

childe raises a brow at you, followed by a huff. he points to himself as he peers at you.

“what do you call me then?”

“a friend of mine?” you answered, quite unsure about what you were supposed to say. “well, my partner too.”

the last line you added made childe go a bit crazy inside, not expecting to hear that response. moreover, you said it so seriously which didn’t really help his situation.

“yeah…” flustered, childe coughs. “well, if it wasn’t obvious enough, i’m also your fan.”

he proclaims it so proudly, you can see his smile getting smug. you chuckle at him.

“you never mentioned this during our first dinner,” you respond.

“i didn’t want to scare you off…” childe pouts, response sheepish. “but yeah, i’ve been watching your competitions a lot. you’re a really different person when performing.”

“got to impress my mother,” you sigh a bit. “it’s hard when you’re the daughter of a popular person. the pressure is overwhelming.”

childe takes in your reply, surprised to hear your feelings. there’s so much for him to learn about you.

“it must have been hard carrying all that burden, huh?”

“it always has been.”

you two reached the agreed place. it was a bar not too shabby. considering it was a friday, there were a lot of people drinking.

childe ensured to keep you close to him so as not to lose you in the crowd while he scans the place for his friends.

“childe! over here!” kazuha waves his hand, catching the ginger’s attention to which he led the way.

“oh my god…” the twins say in unison, both staring at you in awe. you could swear that they both look like they were going to cry.

you shoot everyone a smile and a small bow.

“have you guys been here for a while?” childe asks, setting his bag down on the chair.

“yeah, you’re fucking late.” scaramouche retorts, fixing his glasses.

“don’t listen to him. we just arrived.” kazuha laughs.

“this is [name] by the way,” childe introduces you as he offers your seat for you.

“hello everyone,” you greeted them, albeit shyly. “it’s nice to meet you all. i’m childe’s friend.”

you thank childe for his kind gesture, settling yourself down. childe sits beside you.

“i can’t believe she’s real…” aether gasps, too busy processing that he’s actually meeting one of his idols. you laugh at his reaction.

“i’m lumine, by the way,” his twin introduces herself. “this is aether, my twin brother. we love watching dancesport competitions a lot.”

“nice to meet you lumine and aether,” you wave at them.

“scaramouche. unfortunately, i’m friends with them.” the guy with the purple hair introduces himself… almost against his will?

“i study at zapolyarny too. i’m a medtech.”

“must be stressful,” you comment.

“exactly. i deserve to drink tonight.” he leans back at his chair, crossing his arms.

“i’m kazuha,” the guy beside childe introduces himself. “i traveled from inazuma to celebrate you two’s success.”

“that’s sweet of you,” you compliment. “nice to meet you all!”

“is venti coming over?” childe asks.

“nobody knows, he might just appear out of the blue.” lumine responds.

everybody continued getting to know each other even after the drinks got served. you learned that the golden twins met childe during a competition while scaramouche and childe became friends since they knew each other from high school. kazuha, on the other hand, was childe’s co-trainee when childe was training at inazuma.

you also learned that childe knew a lot of the coaches and have become friends with them as well. to be fair, during your first dinner together, all you two talked about was the auditions so all of this information is new to you.

“am i late to the party?” your conversation got cut short when a random yet familiar voice cuts in. everyone looked at the source, including you. your eyes widen a bit.

“venti?” you blinked.

“[name]! it’s so nice to see you again!” venti gives you a quick side hug which you reciprocated, happy to see another familiar face.

“we did not save a seat for you, mr. latecomer.” lumine chuckles as she jokes, pulling the vacant chair near her.

“my knees are old as hell, have mercy on me,” venti fake cried, still as dramatic as before.

“why were you late though?” kazuha inquires, taking a chug.

“do college students these days not do pre-games anymore?” venti sighs.

“just say you drank before you arrived here.” scaramouche snides in as he pours himself another round.

“i didn’t expect [name] to be the one to drink though?” venti comments, looking your way.

“i actually don’t drink,” you affirm his statement. “this is my first time drinking, in fact. we’re about to find out my alcohol tolerance.”

“don’t worry, you have childe. he’ll take care of you,” kazuha grins, elbowing childe who is seated beside him.

childe almost spits his drink.

“[name] can i have your autograph on my forehead.” aether requests, slurring his words a bit even though it has just been his second drink.

“yeah…” lumine face palms. “i can’t drink too much, this guy can’t hold his alcohol.”

everybody was immersed in their own worlds, holding conversations with each other. you can hear scaramouche, lumine, and childe bickering with each other with kazuha as their amused audience. aether… you were unsure if he’s still with everyone but you can notice that he’s out of it as he’s staring off into the distance. you were just happy to be there.

with venti seated beside you, he taps your arm gently, catching your attention.

“what about your mother?” he whispers. you can hear his worry behind his query.

you shrug. “i lied to her. i’ll just face the consequences when they appear.”

venti sighs a little at your response. after all, he knows about your relationship with your mother as you opened this topic up before you parted ways with mondstadt’s group.

childe’s gaze flickers over at you and venti, curiosity filling him. he could see venti’s worried look at you, making him wonder what you two were talking about.

a little later on, venti was able to convince everyone to play king’s cup, claiming he was ready and he really was. it was proven true by him showing his deck of cards to everyone at the table.

aether has been sleeping ever since he got his autograph, just not on his forehead. his last words before passing out was “can you make this a tattoo? i need it on my forehead.” seems like he’s really adamant about having your signature on his forehead.

by the time everyone called it quits, venti was the first to leave the bar, not until he greeted other bar-goers. apparently, this is not a new scene to their friend group, even calling him “mx. congeniality” by them.

kazuha had paid for all the drinks even though he only promised to pay for the first round. he said everyone deserved it and that he missed being around his friends. he had to leave as well to help lumine bring her brother home. the trio left an hour after venti left, leaving you, childe, and scaramouche at the bar.

you can see the sour look on scaramouche’s face when he checked his phone before putting it down again.

“your mom?” childe asks, sipping on his beer.

“wished it was,” scaramouche leans over the table, cushioning his cheek in his palm. “guess she just doesn’t care about me at all, huh.”

you silently listen to their conversation.

“i messaged her that i’ll be going home late because we’re out drinking but she just left me on read.” scaramouche added. though he’s masking everything he’s feeling, those feelings in question are seeping through his words.

“i’d rather have her scold me than leave me be, you know? at least i can feel she cares for me one way or another.”

“oh,” you hold your drink close to you. you didn’t expect to have a conversation about mothers out of the blue, the topic that hits too close to home.

“something on your mind?” childe looks your way, noticing your hold on your drink. you shake your head though it was a lie.

“got mommy issues too like me, [name]?” scaramouche smirks. is this his way of coping?

you drank a bit of your cocktail. “since the day i was born, yeah.” you try to humor your own suffering. it’s like his coping mechanism is contagious.

childe raises his brows in curiosity but says nothing in reply.

“bet we’d be great friends than ajax and i are.” scaramouche muses, clapping his hands.

“ajax…” you trail off, your gaze focusing on the man beside you.

the way his name rolled off your tongue made childe feel things that he couldn’t even reply to his friend. it felt too intimate to be called by his name, especially by you. he felt paralyzed.

relax, it’s just some sort of happy crush because she’s your idol, right? childe convinces himself internally.

“yup, that’s me,” childe laughs half-heartedly, trying to mask his emotions.

right?

scaramouche’s eyebrow raises.

“you never told her your real name?”

childe only grins in response.

“you’re fucking lame.”

you share a laugh with them before clearing your throat.

it wouldn’t hurt sharing a piece of yourself, would it?

“we… really do everything we can just to get our mother’s attention, don’t we?” you start off, smiling but you can’t deny the sadness laced in your expression. you were sure they noticed that too.

“i don’t mean to be dramatic nor do i want to paint my mom in a bad light but it’s not all rainbows and sunshine with me and my mother.” you admit to your two companions, both of them listening intently to your words. suddenly, the attention they’re giving you made you a bit nervous which made you take a quick sip from your drink.

“i just want to be good enough for her and for others honestly,” you laugh bitterly. “but at the same time, i want to be good enough for myself too, not minding what other people think.”

they continue to listen silently, chugging their own drinks occasionally.

“in short, i really want to pursue latin but my mother keeps pushing standard for me, saying that i must continue her legacy. but even though i pursued standard, even though i brought home back to back wins during nationals, it still wasn’t enough for her.”

childe blinks, eyes widening when he realizes that everything you’re opening up are the answers to his question.

“is that why you agreed with me when i said you don’t vibe with standard?”

you nodded in response.

“instead of loving what i do, i just ended up hating it. that’s why i took a break from ballroom to at least mend my hatred.”

“well that puts things into perspective,” scaramouche breaks his silence. “i can relate. i only took medtech because my mother said she wanted to have a child who’s inclined in the medical field.”

“what do you really want to take?” you ask out of curiosity.

“i wanted to be a diplomat but what i want doesn’t matter,” scaramouche scoffs. “if taking up medtech would appease my mother then so be it.”

you frowned at his response yet you couldn’t help but to understand why he did what he did. after all, you did the same.

“it’s not selfish to do what you want for yourself too, scaramouche,” you blurt out. “my mother doesn’t even know i’m part of the fatui group now.”

scaramouche only looks at you, brow raised at your words.

“…i know.” he grumbles.

the three of you continue to talk about random matters until scaramouche decided he wanted to go home. he left the two of you together, bidding a quick goodbye. but before he left, as he passed by your seat, he stopped to give you a fist bump. you found that to be quite surprising yet endearing.

with only the two of you left at your table, you play with the orange garnish decorating your glass. seeing the pigment of the fruit, you couldn’t help but smile as it reminded you of the ginger beside you.

which reminded you…

“i’m quite taken aback by you, childe,” you break the silence, looking at your friend. “you’ve mostly been quiet tonight. is something occupying your mind?”

childe chuckles at your question. “worried about me so much, miss [name]?”

you swear you rolled your eyes at his reply.

“after spending tonight with you, i just realized that there’s so much to learn about you,” he answers. “and if you’ll allow me, i want to get to know you better.”

why does he have to be so smooth with his words?

“only if i’ll get the honor to know you better as well, dear.” you respond, unconsciously playing along. is it the alcohol doing its work or is it your competitive spirit responsible for your current demeanor? who knows.

childe rests his cheek on his palm the moment he propped his arm on the table, looking at you intently.

“be my guest.”

you rest both of your arms on the table, arms on top of each other as you return his gaze.

“i answered your question already, though,” you pout a little. “won’t i get my answer too?”

childe huffs, leaning back in his seat.

“honestly, i genuinely don’t know why i don’t compete,” he frankly answers your question. “i just don’t think it’s for me you know?”

“lies, ajax.” you glare at him, unamused by his response.

“enjoying my name a little too much, aren’t we, [name]?” childe teases you, making your brows furrow a little as you felt a little flustered.

“i don’t know if i’ve mentioned this already but i only started doing ballroom as a hobby. competing never crossed my mind.” childe scrunches his nose, playing with his beer’s bottle cap. you watch him fiddle with the tiny metal, waiting for him to continue.

“i’ve had a few issues with some of my previous partners too. they always tell me i lead them on but in my defense, i was only being professional. you know the themes in latin right?”

you nod.

“so it was always a hassle for me to find a permanent partner for ballroom that i can compete with without having any strings attached. you know how vital it can be to stick with a partner until you both decide to call it quits.”

childe drinks the rest of his beer.

“though i can’t help but think that maybe it’s a me problem too?” he laughs. “regardless, i’ve always told them beforehand that i’m only here to learn and have fun. to do my part as a dancer. after all, i know that my strongest points as a dancer are my expressions and connection with my partner so i make sure i weaponize that.”

“to be fair, i agree. you really know how to put on a great performance.” you compliment him, reminiscing about your auditions. it reminded you of how he maintained his eye contact with you as he counted under his breath to guide you.

“i take pride in that skill of mine,” he smirks proudly. “thank you for recognizing that.”

“of course. i can’t wait to learn more from you.”

“that is if the coaches will let us partner up for the rest of the year. they might end up sending us to perform right away if they see our chemistry as partners.” childe chuckles.

“now that’s a reach,” you laugh. “but i’d really love to continue partnering with you. we’ve somehow established a rapport with each other and i think that plays a role in good partnership.”

childe doesn’t respond right away, taking in what you just said. i mean, to be fair, you were right. despite only knowing each other for a week, he can’t deny the connection the both of you have built so far.

noticing the silence, you blink a few times as you realize what you just said. you felt awkward asking him to be your partner out of the blue.

“ah but if you wish to explore…” you trail off.

“no, no,” childe cuts you off, waving his hands in front of him.

“i’d love to be your partner. if you’ll let me.”

there’s only so much you can take honestly and you feel like this is all an overload. way too much for you to handle. you can’t help but be reminded about what diluc and eula told you in your group chat. now, that doesn’t help the situation.

you could only mumble an okay to him, breaking eye contact with him to return your attention to your empty glass.

silence continue to prosper between the two of you, taking interest in the most unnecessary things just to keep your minds off the previous conversation.

“but [name]…” childe gently starts. you hum in response as you play with your straw.

“i hope you don’t have to worry about carrying all the burden on your own. you can always talk to me if you want to let them out. i’ll always be here for you if you need someone.”

hearing his words, you could only hung your head low. you let the strands of your hair cover your face to conceal your expression. childe doesn’t know how much that meant to you.

“…likewise, childe. thank you.” you could only say a few words to answer him, feeling overwhelmed with the events that have unfolded.

it felt weird that you’ve heard similar words of kindness and support and yet this is the first time you felt this way. all warm and flustered. perhaps it was because it’s childe saying them? you were unsure of the answer to solve your confusion.

starting tonight, you decided to just let things play out the way they are supposed to. you accepted that there are so many things for you to know and learn beyond just dancesport.

❀ author’s notes: i didnt know how to end it!! but as u can see i got carried away in writing again 😁

˚₊· taglist: open~ send an ask or comment to be added! *ੈ✩‧₊˚ @kyon-cherri @tendo-shairdye @youraggedybitch

[martygraves]

I might just be cursed. Constantly living in a state of limbo from all sides.

Feeling masculine and feminine, nothing and everything at the same time. You’re a boy and a girl. You’re neither of those. You’re something else entirely. I can come to terms with this. I can’t fucking deal with this at all.

I remember being a little kid, having older siblings to look up to. Feeling like I related more to them despite what felt like an immense age gape between us than I did many of my peers. Wanting to be like my brothers. Feeling like I had to be like my sister. Generations older than other kids in my class, but a million times less experienced. A decade younger than my siblings, but matching them beat for beat in interests and taste, whether I felt like I was obligated to or did it out of pure curiosity. Most of the time, at least. I fought with my sister over if boy bands were good often, was still scared of certain movies my brothers tried to make me watch. Not quite siding with one or the other. Sitting in front of the TV flipping to channels I perhaps shouldn’t be watching. Mostly on an island time and again.

I remember telling someone on the bus that I was listening to AC/DC on my tiny iPod, filled up with music my siblings wanted me to explore for myself, enthusiastically backed by my mother. The only time she really supported my interests. This kid made a face as if I had said something wrong. That’s so old. Don’t you listen to anything from now? Taylor Swift? Justin Bieber? You’re so weird.

I don’t think I ever really cared until that moment. Out of touch already at the ripe old age of 12. I already felt like something was wrong with me, fighting my parents about how I presented myself to the world. One of my favorite shirts was an army surplus button-up one of my brothers had used for a school play that he kept and never wore again. I wore it just about every day like a security blanket around my shoulders, over white lacy blouses my sister held onto for ten years just for me. My mom made me donate it to the homeless shelter because she was tired of seeing me in it, not fully committing to the maturing girl she thought I was. And now, yet again, my tastes had come into question. You’re so weird.

I was never gonna fit in anywhere, I feared. I think, deep down, I still do. I have to not care, or else it’ll drive me to insanity. I’m so weird. It’s not a bad thing to me anymore, until it is.

Go forward in time. I look at the state of things, the way people my age talk and think online, and in my physical reality. I don’t think much has changed. I’m observing behaviors like those I encountered when I was 12, only they’re disguised under some falsified concern over morality. I love the movies that used to scare me. I’m fascinated with the boy bands my sister was infatuated with. Everyone else tells me there’s some inherent badness with engaging in them. A complacency with violence that I’ve never experienced. A sign of living in a problematic past full of cover ups and dirty secrets. Living in a limbo of trying to connect with what I once missed out on and a guilt for doing it now when it’s not right to do so. At least that’s what a few very loud voices have told me again and again.

I try not to care, but there’s still a kid inside who fears being the other. The thing everyone looks down their nose at. I’m sure there are still some that do.

I hardly talk to my siblings now, much too busy with our own little lives to catch up frequently. I have no real idea who they are anymore, if their tastes have changed. They must have. Everything else has. My connections to them deteriorated much like my connections with everyone else.

On an island. My own little world. Again. Doing the limbo. Falling to the ground. Failing as a person. Again and again and again.

I feel generations older. The experience has come in time, though I’ve seemingly been having the wrong ones. Still.