#and i’m running out of tags and this is kind of confusing (anesthesia lol) but what i mean to say is: headcanons like this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

krash-and-co · 1 year ago

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so i just woke up from anesthesia afew hours ago but

yeag i agee wirh you one hundred percent you are so right ive said it before i will say it again amd again UYOURE RIGHR HE IS YEAH i’m going to sleep now btw

LISTEN, Kaz Brekker, W.W. Hale V and Antony Lockwood are three points on the same triangle. Don’t ask me how i know this but they are.

#just kidding i don’t want to sleep i’ve been sleeping all day i’ll just rest #wow auto correct is really saving my ass rn lol #turned it off for the bit but i’m about to turn it back on because this is serious and important to me.#anyways.#my mother has borderline personality disorder. not to be selfish or anything (because i KNOW it’s incredibly tough on her)#but it makes my life pretty hard. made it scary a few years back. made her scary.#she was off meds at the time and we were all cooped up in the house (covid) and that time in life with her warped how i saw bpd #for a very long time #seeing anything bpd related messed with me #bpd traits flashed me back to her face and her rage and her shifts back to ‘i love you’ after screaming #so i stayed away.#i judged all things bpd as ‘bad’ and ‘scary’ and i couldn’t make myself change my mind.#however. after consuming more media over time i came across many characters who were….. a lot like my mother in that sense. bpd coded.#all i saw was her snarl. and it scared me.#i was thirteen years old and my mother was shouting across the table and it was half my fault #cuz i couldn’t control my sass and i had this insane thirst to win #so i had egged her on really. but at the same time i was twelve or thirteen and my mother was psycho and i couldn’t reason with her #and that was scary and she was scary and later in life i learned it was called bpd and she was so sorry so suddenly bpd was scary #everyone who showed a bpd trait was suddenly tainted.#and that was wrong of me. but i couldn’t help it.#but as i’ve grown i’ve given it more thought and i understand my mother made mistakes but i have grown to realize:#not everyone with bpd is like her. they do similar things. this is true. but they did not hurt me.#and another important thing: you cannot help how you act sometimes in the way someone WITHOUT bpd could.#i knew i needed to stop judging people with bpd this was and learn to trust them. they didn’t hurt me.#and i’m running out of tags and this is kind of confusing (anesthesia lol) but what i mean to say is: headcanons like this #featuring characters i love having bpd is healing me. it’s saving the way i see people and helping erase a potentially harmful stereotype.#there’s so much more to say about this and more to elaborate on because some things were over simplified and yes you can ask me about this #but please dm me or something i don’t want this screenshotted and reblogged for fear of it being warped (especially at my mothers expense)#after years of therapy working medication and talks with me she’s doing much better than she was.#and as for me? things like this help me learn yes bpd can be scary. but nobody fits into a box and we improve and i don’t have to be afraid

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