#and i’m literally too tired to even do the bare minimum of just sitting and watching tv

[chipthekeeper]

Reaching the point of adulthood where I’m like “ohhh now I get how my parents were always falling asleep on the couch after dinner”

[damiansgoodgirll]

maybe one where jude forgets your birthday and you dont really have any relatives so you’ve never celebrated your birthday so you didn’t care. but after a few weeks he realizes and grovels

jude bellingham x reader

tw : angst, fluffy ends tho…

not a happy birthday

it was your birthday night. not that you expected to celebrate with someone since you’ve been alone for the most part of your life but you expected at least a “happy birthday my love” from jude, but he clearly forgot.

it’s not that you were mad. well, a little bit, but you were upset knowing that you asked jude to clear his agenda only that night for you and instead he was out with his friends partying somewhere.

he knew when it was your birthday, he just forgot that it was tonight.

you never had a birthday cake or birthday presents so you never expected that from jude but just spending the night together watching some movies and eating junk food would have been enough for you.

instead you found yourself watching a crime documentary while drinking red wine trying not to cry.

you were too tired to even wait for jude that you went to sleep and decided to forget the awful night you just had.

jude came home a few hours later and he thought it was weird when he was greeted with silence. you always waited for him, claiming you didn’t want to fall asleep without him so he was a little shocked when he saw you sleeping in bed.

he thought that maybe you were too tired to wait for him so after a few minutes he dropped it and went to sleep next to you.

the next few days passed in a blur. jude was always out for practice and when he was at home he claimed that he was too tired to do something with you. he knew he was neglecting you and he didn’t want to but football took all of his time and when he came home he was ready to sleep the day off.

you started speaking less and less. you maybe thought that it wasn’t just your birthday, the problem were you. in your mind you kept thinking how distant he was from you and how he started avoiding you.

when you tried to have a conversation with him he would only reply with “yes” “no” “okay” “whatever you want baby” “what’s best for you honey” “sure” “i’m really tired, can we talk about it another time?”

so you lost hope and started to avoiding him too.

one day while you were at home, he left for practice early. you had breakfast together and only talking the bare minimum, just “you good?” “yes” “okay” and that was killing you.

as he was talking with his teammates one of them brought up that the following day was his wife’s birthday and that he booked a table in this new fancy restaurant in order to surprise her.

jude started wondering when was your birthday. he knew it he just couldn’t figure it out.

“shit…” he whispered to himself. he remembered. you birthday was a few weeks ago and he completely forgot. that’s why you started avoiding him more and talking to him less. and he knew he had to make it up to you.

so that night he came back home with roses and a chocolate cake, your favorite.

you were watching a movie in the living room when you saw his figure coming and sitting next to you.

“before you say anything i want to apologize” he said, his look full of remorse “i was a shitty boyfriend in these past weeks and forgetting about your birthday was the worst thing a boyfriend could do” he laughed even if he was trying to be serious “i’m literally the worst boyfriend on the planet…”

“you’re not the worst boyfriend on the planet jude…you just were a shitty boyfriend these past weeks, i agree with that” you said while he handed you the flowers.

“i forgot your birthday y/n…”

“it’s not that i had plans anyway…” you said.

“no but i should have been here…i should have spent the night with you instead i was partying somewhere else as you waited for me to come back home…i’m really really sorry y/n, for everything” he apologised again “from your birthday to neglecting you all these days…you didn’t deserve that”

“no i didn’t…” you whispered “but i know how much passion and work you put into football and i know it wasn’t your intention”

“no it wasn’t…i’m just…this whole new thing is stressing me out a lot and i never felt so much pressure in my life” he confessed.

“i know baby, that’s why i’m here for, you don’t have to go through this all alone” you smiled at him.

“i really don’t deserve you…” he scooped closer to you and grabbed your chin gently “you deserve so much more and i know that but let me be selfish because i can’t let you go, i don’t want to let you go…i’ll change just for you, i’ll make you happier…” you saw a few tears forming in his eyes and you could tell he was being honest.

“it’s okay jude…we have a lot to work on, especially communication but i don’t plan on leaving you anytime soon” you said making him laugh a little.

“thank you love…” he gently kissed your lips. you felt like in heaven again. his lips against yours finally made you feel alive again.

“now…there’s a chocolate cake in the fridge, your favorite one…i know i should have brought you the cake on your birthday but i really don’t want it to go waisted” he smirked at you.

“you know i can’t say no when there’s a cake involved…”

“well you better go…” he said standing up and taking you to the kitchen.

you both a big slice of cake while you were sitting at the kitchen counter, talking about the things you missed in all of these days and finally feeling like a couple again.

[natsuslover]

bllk boys as american high school stereotypes ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

notes— bc i miss being a senior in high school watching bllk every saturday while working on college apps :(

ft. yoichi isagi, seishiro nagi, meguru bachira, reo mikage

warnings: none :)

yoichi isagi - the accomplished nerd

you cannot tell me this kid wouldn’t at least be ranked top 6% or smth

like he would definitely have his whole high school life and college career planned out using his meta vision or whatever

he would “devour” all of his tests, quizzes, concept checks, etc.

and not to mention that he plays soccer

i know for a fact dude would milk the soccer thing for all it’s worth on his college apps

like in every other sentence on his college essay he would be talking about his soccer trauma lmao

he would also be a part of so many other clubs just to have a stacked resumé

i feel like he would study a lot too like just because he wants to do well in school in general

he’s one of those nerds that’s not necessarily popular but everyone knows him because people talk about his grades and his rank and they look up to him and stuff

was definitely cancelled for a bit for calling one of his classmates a slur after getting a bad grade on a group project…

seishiro nagi - the “invisible” kid

he’s not actually invisible he just never shows up to class lmao

he shows up occasionally to get the bare minimum of school hours so he can graduate, and also shows up for test days because making up work is a pain

he usually just sits in the back of class and is either sleeping or blatantly playing on his phone but the teachers never say anything because they lowkey forget he exists

but somehow he still has perfect grades??

he doesn’t think he has a lot of friends because he thinks it’s too much energy to keep up with a social life

and yet he’s still pretty popular and was somehow dragged into a huge friend group without even trying

a lot of girls have hallway crushes on him and try to flirt with him but he doesn’t even notice

and if he does he just pretends he doesn’t.

he couldn’t care less about school and just goes because he has to and internally complains about wanting to go home the entire day

meguru bachira - the weird kid

i’m sorry i love bachira but he’d definitely be that one kid people laugh at in the hallways

not necessarily in a “he gets bullied” way but just like, he’s weird and he knows it, everyone else knows it, and he’s genuinely funny

he’s like the weird kid that everyone’s friends with if ykwim

but it’s also kind of sad because he has no real friends

his grades are good enough i suppose; he doesn’t really try but he’ll get into a pretty decent college so he’s fine

doesn’t take school all that seriously

definitely the class joker

and is the subject of teacher gossip pretty much everyday because they find him incredibly tiring to deal with

other kids have seen him talking to himself in the hallways so they’re kind of creeped out by him

he’s completely aware that people talk about him behind his back but he doesn’t really care because he like being able to make people laugh

reo mikage - the rich kid

this one is obvious lol

he’s always wearing luxury brand names to school like it’s nothing

like catch this man in the hallway in gucci shoes, a louis vuitton jacket, prada sunglasses, and spraying his chanel perfume everywhere because the hallway smells like shit

people become friends with him just in the hopes that he’ll buy them super bougie stuff for their birthdays or whenever

he’s literally a nepo baby so he doesn’t even have to do well in school to get into a good college

has girls falling for him left and right but he knows it’s just because he happens to be wealthy and genetically fortunate

definitely would be a popular kid that gets along well with everyone

he’s really modest about his wealth but also not modest at all at the same time

the teachers try to suck up to him because they’re adamant that he’s going to be successful in the future (and he probably will)

blows money on his friends every time they hang out and throws the best parties with expensive ass alcohol

[asher-agere]

haiii!!! could you do regressor nikolai headcanons please? =)

:0 MY FAVORITE BOY. HIS TIME HAS CAME. I literally have a Nikolai cosplay he’s that much of my favorite. All homemade too! Well mostly, making his pants sounded confusing. But other than that completely homemade! So uhm. Yeah I like Nikolai a tiny bit guys

Little Nikolai

🃜🃚🃖🃁🂭🂺

♢ Nikolai is definitely a kid regressor! He is the silliest little guy EVER. His caregiver should know that he’s a kid regressor! However there’s always the chance of Nikolai slipping younger right? Nikolai sees this as a prank opportunity! He’ll constantly act like a baby, babbling, sucking on his thumb, refusing to walk, insisting on a bottle. Baby stuff! But then random he’ll just be like “Oh no… You have amnesia! I’m not a baby! Come back!” Then he’ll shake his caregiver really hard as if they’re the one going crazy. The first time it was confusing. Since then it’s just typical Nikolai

♢ Nikolai will do a bunch of stuff he’s not supposed to! Bedtime is at 10 PM? At 10:30 he’s going to his caregiver “I can count really big y’know that? 1, 2…” No sweets before dinner? He can reach into his cape and pull sweets right out of the cupboard. He’s supposed to make his bed? Don’t even ask. He will literally drag the mattress off of the frame. This is a chaos child! He shall not be contained by rules! If he’s about to get a stern talking to (Never yelling of course!) he’ll just swish his cape and then he’s gone!

♢ It’s really rare for Nikolai to be sad. He’s a very energetic and happy baby! But when he’s sad it’s like a depression, nothing can really cheer him up, it can just be made slightly more comfortable. Sad Nikolai is also a polar opposite of how he usually is. He’ll be completely silent, compliant, and barely even move. The best thing that can be done is his caregiver holds him super tight and lets him watch a silly cartoon! It can take awhile, 2 hours is like a minimum of just sitting there watching the cartoons. But eventually he’ll slowly start shifting around, finding the energy to move, and he’ll start quietly babbling about the show!

♢ Nikolai loves to play pretend and dress up! He has so many clothes with crazy colors and designs, he’ll dress up both himself and his caregiver then insist that they’re going to work in the circus! He’ll pretend to do a bunch of circus acts, but then he wants circus treats of course! Cotton candy and funnel cake and popcorn… Popcorn is usually the only one he can get. Which he is upset about, and he will complain, but not to much! Popcorn is still super good!

♢ Nikolai likes snacks in general! He’ll play with his food a lot, his caregiver needs to remind him like a million times that he needs to actually eat. He’ll take a couple bites… Then the broccoli is attacking his chicken again! It’s an endless loop. Sometimes he does like it when his caregiver feeds him! Give him some kind of fidget toy to play with while his caregiver feeds him ‘airplanes’ of food. Very happy giggling baby!

♢ Nikolai loves telling stories using his toys! These stories can be very chaotic though. Sometimes it’s a peaceful story about friendship, other times it’s an intricate war plot that includes and underlying romance somehow. Nikolai’s general behavior honestly doesn’t change much when he’s regressed, he’s an energetic ball of chaos no matter what. Luckily this means his caregiver is used to his high energy though!

♢ Nikolai’s room is constantly a mess, however he’s able to navigate it perfectly! Anytime his caregiver tries walking in his room they’re stepping on everything, however Nikolai just steps and hops and he can get anywhere he might need to! Mainly from his door to his bed. But sometimes he needs to get to his comfy clothes or his toys!

🃜🃚🃖🃁🂭🂺

Yay baby Nikolai! He’s such a chaotic handful. His poor caregiver must always be tired from dealing with his nonsense

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at work:

So, I have a couple of…catch phrases? Things I say often in standard conversations, either to get a laugh or set the tone for any further interaction.

1) Nothings on fire, no one died. (Literally had a fire break out on a job site while I was in construction, gas installation so it honestly could have blown the entire house The Fuck Up but honestly whe cares about a rose bush a few irises, and a separate incident where one of my plumbers had a massive heart attack on the job site…) so when I honestly say, nothing is on fire and no one died, it’s a good day, I really actually mean it, even though it’s a funny quip

2) There was no blood or broken glass. (I’ve been in exactly two car accidents that were legitimately bad. Plenty of fender benders that I have been the cause of, but only two actual accidents where there paramedics were called. Both times I was sitting in the passenger seat and got t boned by the oncoming car…on the passenger side. I’m legit lucky as fuck that I never broke a bone…) so when I say there was no blood or broken glass, I’m legit thankful for the fact that no one needs stitches or an ambulance. Even though it’s a funny quip.

3) I’m here, I’m clean, I’m caffeinated, that’s all you get. (Depression is real, I fucking hate having to need two jobs. I like both of them, but the ONE DAY OFF I get to myself it’s just spent catatonic in bed, my house is a disaster, I am very much not okay despite continuing to function in modern society…) so when I say you’re welcome for doing the bare minimum of care, you really should be grateful that I even did the bare minimum, because I guarantee you, I Absolutely Did Not Want To. I half assed the absolute shit out of self care, so it’s not just “your welcome that I’m clean” it’s more like your welcome that I let the electric toothbrush run through its full setting, that I actually washed my hair today, put deodorant on, and deliberately washed my bras so that I could pick a clean one this morning. The time I used to spend putting on makeup is now my “mental prep for work lay down session” and it’s literally just getting up at the exact same time but laying back down after my shower instead of being excited about putting on my corporate war paint.

I’m tired in my very soul and I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m really good at finding joy in small things, little moments, good pranks, but I just can’t find MYSELF right now and it’s frustrating because I haven’t had any good prank ideas.

I feel like I got dropped off of a ship or pier or something, with financial responsibility being my concrete galoshes, and ever time someone in my friend group wants to contact me I’m crippled by how bad my house looks, I’m too embarrassed by my living room, to say yes.

I know I need to, I know I need to reach out. I just need to find the right words.

[causenessus]

HI MY LOVELINESS!! good morning afternoon or evening!! I HOPE YOUR DAY GOES WELL OR IS WELL! (whenever you read this) and i hope you’ve eaten!! make sure you eat !! you’re actually the cutest like when i first read ur response i was smiling and giggling like UR SO CUTE STOP i miss you tons too my love literally like that other night when i was really tired i was like I MISS NESS SO MUCH so even in my tired state i was writing up a response for you because i <3 you so very much (NOT UR FAULT BTW)(LIKE I GENUINELY MISS YOU SOMETIMES WHEN YOU DONT POST ANYTHING IM LIKE D: I MISS NESS) like i’m like oh she’s probably working or at school so she won’t be active until at night but i miss her very much the aura is different when you’re not around <//3 (in a good way ofc ofc as always) i’m writing this one a bit early today so you can wake up to see it in ur inbox! I GOT SO SAD WHEN YOU WERE LIKE “i haven’t seen anything from mango anon yet” LIKE MY HEART CLENCHED so im writing this one up early for you since i unfortunately have another 9-5 to tend to(GRUELLING GRUELLING SHIFTS) like i literally just came back from my “vacation” and THEYRE SCHEDULING ME SO MUCH HHHH literally blink once if i should quit(i blinked just now)

im really curious now i wanna try almond butter! USUALLY im not a nut person(?) because like my brother has a treenut allergy so we usually don’t have that in the house BUT YOUVE HAD TO SM AND NOW I WANNA TRY! (pokebowl and almond butter now on my try list) ALSO STOP NESS UR LITERALLY THE CUTEST I LOVE YOU TOO <3333333333333333333 (releasing my love and affection through the threes) like you’ve become part of my daily life now where like I DONT EVEN USE MY JOURNAL ANYMORE LOL(i barely used it in the first place) but it feels nice to kind of talk about my day and it’s even better to read about your day! like it’s part of my daily routine now i swear my day goes like

wake up!

eat!

catch up on ness’ blog

catch up on the hashtags i follow

read ness’ response(actually this is funny because i read your response TWICE typically) (i read it when you first post it then i read it again when i write a response)

write response to ness

eat

sleep!

AND I LOVE IT i think reading your response is like the best part of my day because for one i get to learn more about you and two like i just I JUST LOVE READING WHAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO SAY LIKE it genuinely makes my day when you write long responses back i read every single part of it and i always make sure im like sitting down so i can fully pay attention to what you have to say like you’ve become such a priority in my life now it’s just (omg i’m becoming sappy too now)(SAPPY SEASON WOOOO) BUT WE ARE SO TWIN FLAME !!! SO SOULMATES SO TWIN FLAME like mango anon is in love with ness everyone mango anon is ness’ (ness’ mango anon forever)

ALSO PLS THE CHEFS AT YOUR WORK?? let me just go guard dog mode here rq like maybe they just think they’re being nice but sometimes it’s weird AND I GET IT because like it’s nice to be appreciated at work or complimented but it’s also kinda weird and uncomfortable because it’s like ermmm okay! you’re old enough to be my father but i’m gonna just try to pretend not to notice that !! fortunately or unfortunately there’s not a lot of men at where i work and i think like idk most of it has to do with the fact that we specialize(?) in women’s clothing so like there’s more women workers but i do have one male manager which is like my least favourite manager LOL not anything he really did but idk i’m just closer with my other managers(there’s 3 in total) because it’s hard to kind of be chill with him like heyyyy sir manager yup everything is fine here! and sometimes i feel like he just has higher expectations for the store but it’s like sir we get paid minimum wage, i will not be breaking my bone for these customers or this store very much respectfully!! BUT HHHH THE WEIRD OLD MEN INTERACTIONS WHEN UR A MINOR?? GET AWAYYYYY like they could be ur father or damn UR GRANDFATHER like AHHHH its so weird and YEAH THE HOUSEWIFE COMMENT LIKE PLEASE SIR PLEASE but also with our name tags its like if you’re 18 and under you get a little sticker that says minor on it now (like i think they started doing that at the beginning of the year?) i still don’t wear it because i get so caught off guard when i hear “have a good day mango anon!” i literally WHIP my head over like ??? oh!! umm!! you too!! ITS JUST WEIRD TO ME LIKE IT SHOULDNT BE?? but i’m also scared of them putting in a bad review for me with my name so there’s that too LOL

I THINK PROPS IS EASY TOO BUT LIKE i meant kinda like it’s more hands on i guess? in a way? like you got to be more involved IM NOT TOO SURE but yeah props and runners were like very very popular when i was in the play and i just kind of assumed it was because they liked being on stage but not really on stage as a cast? if that makes sense? I THINK LIGHTS AND SOUND IS DEFINITELY INTIMIDATING LOL because like one mistake and everyone just looks at the booth (IK WHAT UR TALKING ABT WITH THE BOOTH!!)(also i get the caps like why are we shouting)(I LIKE SHOUTING THOUGH) like the little booth that’s behind the audience with a separate secret little door and like the two windows for the lights and the big window in the middle where the motherboard is (sorry that made no sense) but that’s how my little area looked! for my crew there was 2 people on sound plus the stage manager did help out sounds a bit usually (more like she would stand behind us and loom over us most the time) and lights i think we had like a lot more people but they were all in like the upper years so when they all graduated we just had two or three lights people (idk one of them never really showed up) I HATE WORKING WITH PEOPLE TOO THOUGH! especially if they’re slow because like i know what i’m doing so i’m just there sitting waiting for them to do something and i don’t wanna be arrogant like erm actually it’s this one! SO I JUST SIT IN SILENCE but i swear if i was in theatre with you as my lights duo i would cry(with love) like it would’ve made my experience so much better because literally after my first year i felt like a BABYSITTER LIKE AFTER THE SENIOR LIGHTS PEOPLE LEFT I WAS LITERALLY A BABYSITTER(okay time to stop shouting it is not that deep)(IT IS DEEP TO ME THOUGH) also theatre kids do yap SO MUCH but like sometimes it’s too too much where i miss my cues and the director looks up at our little booth like waiting for the next scene to come on and i literally get so embarrassed LOL but it’s so awkward when the director is literally yelling at a certain group then switches up right after like okay everyone! let’s go from scene 23! LIKE OKAY IM JUST GONNA ACT LIKE IM NOT EMBARRASSED AND ASHAMED but oh my god the panic attack?? no because theatre environment is so so toxic like i swear it just automatically comes with being in tech theatre because i forgot if i said this already but one time our director was keeping us late and we were literally HUNGRY because like we didn’t expect rehearsals to go out so late and one of the cast members literally fainted because we didn’t get any breaks!! so it was probably the lights overwhelming her or idk MAYBE THE FACT SHE HASNT EATEN but it was so terrifying and scary then the director was like erm okay ill order you guys pizza let’s all take a break like YOU THINK?? it was so so scary like thankfully she was okay but its like DAMN it takes a cast member fainting to get a break like that’s crazy

PLS WE WOULD LITERALLY DOMINATE AS A LIGHTS AND SOUND DUO IDC!! the professionals can step aside and see how WE do it because i know we would kill it like put us on like phantom of the opera or like hamilton or something LOL(like i unironically love hamilton)(NO SHAME AT ALL I WILL RECITE EACH MUSICAL ON THE TOP OF MY HEAD) also you were 100% right because during show nights she was NOT louder like you did not save anything please get out of here with the vocal rest excuse because miss girl you were NOT LOUDER like i could see the colors on my stage managers face DRAIN when she had her first scene because like it’s so terrible when someone is a good actor but they’re so BRATTY AND STUCK UP LIKE PLEASE!! (the pent up rage is so real because i feel like i could make a podcast and just RANT about this on and on)(i will never forget you shirley holmes actor i still have rage over you)

ALSO THE SHIFTING DISCORD IS SO FUNNY LOL i always wondered if shifting actually worked?? like the discord i joined was just for online gaming so we did a lot of minecraft, roblox, phas! and they moved to VR but i literally was too broke for VR so id always just watch someone stream it LOL or me and sock would just play minecraft(sock if ur out there im still very very sorry)

ALSO OMG I CANT BELIEVE U REMEMBER? like i feel like you get a lot of asks like daily so i was like omg i wonder if she’d remember this like i can not scroll down to find it because i literally just fill your blog now LOL but i genuinely remember being so like IDK I JUST FELT SO SOFT AND LOVING LIKE IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT? i didn’t wanna like bother you or overwhelm you so much but i was like ness seems so piled up with everyone right now i hope she’s taking care of herself and eating :( and that’s what awakened me out of my little mango peel but like LITERALLY UR JUST THE SWEETEST LIKE I KNOW IVE SAID THAT SO MUCH BUT LIKE UR LITERALLY <333333333333333333333333333333 like google what are synonyms for sweet bcuz like real real realness you’re literally one of my favourite people actually i lied UR MY FAVOURITE PERSON EVER LIKE genuinely reading ur responses are the best part of my day and like if some days you are too tired to reply DO NOT EVEN WORRY AT ALL! the main thing i always wanna get across is like i want you to eat and i want you to take care of yourself and have a good day because you deserve nothing but the best! like not everyday can be a good day unfortunately but i want you to have the closest to a good day everytime!

ANYWAYS ITS TIME TO WRAP IT UP AND GO TO SLEEPPP!! but ness literally if i had a genie wish i would dedicate three of those wishes to you like i would wish for you to always have a good day, for you to have good health and GOOD WEALTH!! like i would fish the moon with a measly little fishing rod for you and i would fetch stars for you with my BARE HANDS!! i love you very much and i hope you have the bestest day ever and everything goes well <3333 make sure to eat and take care of yourself!! and you should totally just fly here anyways !! I WOULD BE UR HOUSEWIFE AND FOLD UR CLOTHES PERFECTLY FOR YOU AND GET YOU ALL THE ALMOND BUTTER AND BAGELS THE WORLD CAN OFFER <333 DONT WORRY ABOUT BEING TOO SAPPY OR YAPPY!! there can never be too much sap and yap when it comes to you my love so do not worry at all! you have the bestest bestest day ever and i can’t wait to hear from you again !!! xoxoxo

AAAAAA MANGO ANON OKAY NOW I CAN FRFR SAY I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH OMG I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY??? WHY WAS I SO TIRED OH YES I WAS OUT UNTIL 9PM HOLD ON I MAY DELVE INTO THAT but oh my goodness good evening mango anon i cannot tell you how much i've missed you and the way i've also been formulating my entire response to you over these past two days like yesterday i came home and was like "I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL MANGO ANON" and then passed out </3 BUT MY HEADACHE IS GONE!!! AND I AM ALIVE AND WELL AND EATING "DINNER" (it's 10 pm. it's the same thing i ate for breakfast bc I'M SO TIRED 😭 I'M SORRY MY HEAD IS SO JUMBLED I WILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE THIS SIMPLE TO FOLLOW!!!)

aaa i literally hate how i've had to move like answering all my asks to like 10 pm at night bc i am just not alive during the day and the THOUGHT that i will be BUSIER september-novemeber is KILLING ME (and actually that's all started already, "that" ofc being my stage managing duties at my old high school </3 CAN U TELL MY HEAD IS JUMBLED I'M SORRY HOLD ON WITH ME I'M HOLDING YOUR HANDS AND KISSING THEM RN MANGO ANON MWAH <33) i hope that your 9-5 went well!! AND OFC DO NOT WORRY ABOUT SENDING IN ASKS BY ANY CERTAIN TIME!! i am just happy to see messages from you everyday (AND OBVIOUSLY ALSO NO PRESSURE TO SEND SOMETHING EVERYDAY!! I JUST LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU ANY DAY WE DON'T INTERACT </33 YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TORN I WAS ON GOING TO SLEEP OR TRYING TO ANSWER YOUR ASK LAST NIGHT UGHHGFHKJDHGKFD)

I AM BLINKING SM RN LIKE WAIT I'M GOING TO DO THOSE 2020 QUARANTINE TIKTOK REACTION EMOJIS 👁👄👁 ➖👄➖👁👄👁 ➖👄➖ 👁👄👁 ➖👄➖ 👁👄👁 ➖👄➖ I AM BLINKING!!! U SHOULD QUIT!! WATCH THE BUSINESS CRUMBLE WHEN THEY LOSE THEIR BEST WORKER 🔥🔥🔥🔥 COME WORK WITH ME AT MY LITTLE FRAME RETAIL JOB!! <333 and in all seriousness PLEASE DO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! 9-5s are GRUELING so please make sure to take breaks and eat and drink lots of water!!!! and make sure you get proper rest especially after i KNOW u have to deal with so many people i am so sorry for u </3

I'M GOING TO CRY AT YOUR SCHEUDLE AND EVERYTHING OMG HOLD ON WHERE DO I EVEN START <333333333333333333333 I AM ALSO EXPRESSING ALL MY LOVE THROUGH THOUSANDS OF 3S FOR YOU!!!!!!!!! AND YOU'RE SO SWEET I LOVE YOU <3333333333 AND AA!!! i'm glad we're both like influencing each other's food lol 😭 AND I ATE THAT STUPID IMITATION CRAB POKE BOWL AGAIN TODAY BC I'M LITERALLY SCRAPING BY ON LIFE RN AND JUST TRYING TO EAT AS MANY PROPER MEALS AS POSSIBLE and now everytime i eat i think of u!!! <3333 i love almond butter because i hate the taste of peanut butter and just like,,, everything about it,,,, and i DON'T like normal almond butter i love cinnamon almond butter!! it like balances out the really prominent nut taste but idk <3 IF YOU TRY IT LMK WHAT YOU THINK!! but i totally get like your brother having the tree nut allergy and everything!! my dad's allergic to onions so i've just never grown up using/eating onions i'm not used to it at all,, like if a recipe calls for onions i immediately just replace it with more garlic it's crazy!!! AND YOUR SCHEDULE AGAIN PLEASE OMG :((((

mine is something like this:

wake up -> eat -> school </3 -> try and write/read asks -> work -> drive home -> eat -> answer asks (mango anon <3) and try to write -> sleep

it's always try to write bc i'm always SO pressed for time or tired 😭😭😭😭 like jsyk this is the only ask i'm answering today bc i want to finally draft the tonic chapters that were SUPPOSED to come out today if my wifi wasn't horrible AND I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH AND I GENUINELY LOVE TALKING TO YOU SO SO MUCH MANGO ANON I TOTALLY GET WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT LIKE ENJOYING TALKING ABOUT YOUR DAY AND I ALWAYS FORGET TO JOURNAL AS WELL BUT THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER <3 I LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR DAYS AND REPLY AND ALL THAT STUFF IT IS SO FUN!!! AND LIKE OFC I LOVE EVERYONE AND WILL EVENTUALLY GET TO THEIR ASKS <3 BUT U AND ME????? WE'RE SPECIAL TWIN FLAMES SOULMATES <333 AND I HAVE BEEN DYING TO ANSWER YOUR ASK FOR LIKE A DAY NOW!!! everytime i go into my inbox and read "hello loveliness!!!" I START KICKING MY FEET AND IMMEDIATELY CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME SO I CAN START DRAFTING A RESPONSE GENUINELY I CANNOT EXPLAIN TO YOU THE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN MY BRAIN RELEASES EVERYTIME I READ THOSE WORDS!!! i am so obsessed with the nickname loveliness by the way you are so smart and i am so honored and you make me so so happy i love you mango anon <333

AAA PLEASE AND LIKE I GO BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN TWO TABS ONE TO READ YOUR ASK AND THE OTHER TO ACTUALLY START ANSWERING YOUR ASK IF THAT MAKES SENSE?? (or i just scroll up to read whatever part of your ask i'm on next) BUT SEEING HOW YOU TALKED ABOUT US BEING TWIN FLAMES RIGHT AFTER I ALSO MENTIONED IT?????? THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WE ARE SO CONNECTED AA!!! and i absolutely love hearing about your days and learning more about you!!! please i love hearing every detail <3 AND NOW U HAVE TO TELL ME ABOUT TODAY AND TOMORROW SINCE I UNFORTUNATELY WASN'T ABLE TO ANSWER YOUR ASK YESTERDAY!! (no pressure <3 but literally was at work and i was like "I WONDER HOW MANGO ANON'S DAY WAS </333 I HOPE SHE TELLS ME TOMORROW </33333") aaa i cannot tell you how much you genuinely mean to me and how much you cross my mind every single day!!! i literally consider you such a good friend like i love you so so much mango anon i'm so so happy to hear from you <33 (back on sap yap again) YOU ARE MY MANGO ANON FOREVER!!! AND I SWEAR THE WAY WE'RE JUST SAYING THIS ALL TO EACH OTHER 😭😭 LIKE I DIDN'T EVEN READ THE WHOLE PARAGRAPH YET BC I IMMEDIATELY HAVE TO YAP/TYPE DOWN ALL MY THOUGHTS THE MOMENT I GET ONE WHILE READING SO I JUST GOT TO THE PART ABOUT U SAYING I'M A PRIORITY IN MY LIFE RIGHT AFTER I HAD MY ENTIRE YAP SESSION ABOUT YOU BEING LIKE A BEST FRIEND TO ME 😭😭 YOU'RE SUCH A PRIORITY IN MY LIFE AS WELL!! ONCE AGAIN WHY I'M JUST ANSWERING YOUR ASK TODAY BEFORE I SLEEP <33 BECAUSE YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND I FEEL SO COMFY WITH YOU YK LIKE AAA JUST EVERYTHING I LOVE YOU SM MANGO ANON <33

and HELP you're so right like some of them are old enough to be my father and even the younger ones....it's still weird... 😭 like i'm not even kidding the watermelon thing was real!!! someone brought in watermelon to my restaurant job and my mom asked if i wanted some and i was like "if u cut it for me ♡" and she did and then this one sushi chef was like "i can cut more for her" and it's this sushi chef that's def had a crush on me since i came back to work there but like.....no bro i don't want watermelon cut by your fishy nasty hands sorry....LMAO I FEEL BAD BUT ALSO I CAN'T BC YEAH THEY JUST STARE WHILE I TRY AND EXIST 😭 I GET THE ICK WITH MEN SO QUICKLY IT'S NOT GOOD

but NO bc like male managers in things like a mainly female clothing shop like girl what r u doing there??? like at least imo i just cannot wrap my head around it like ik u did not become a full fledged adult just to manage a women's clothing place when ur a MAN like i just do not understand it AND I WOULD BE UNCOMFY WITH HIM TOO!!! ALSO THE MINOR STICKERS ON YOUR NAME TAGS???? 😭 i just cannot believe they have to clarify that like i'm not sure if men being creepy is such a problem at your work they have to do that??? but i'm sorry nonetheless 😭 AND I TOTALLY GET IT i remember being in like a target line once (bc self checkout was closed </3) and so it was the guy in front of me's turn to get his items scanned and IMMEDIATELY off the bat he's looking at the cashier's nametag being like "oh what's your name? how do you say it?" and she had to tell him and mind you it's like 9:45 she def just wants to go home and does NOT wanting to be interacting with this sunburned man buying like aloe vera and idk febreeze i forget what the other thing was and then he ALSO told her "have a good night [cashier's name]" LIKE DON'T USE PEOPLE'S NAMES YOU DON'T KNOW THEM IT'S JUST WEIRD??? IDK

AND OMG YES OKAY TECH TIME I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL U BUT LET ME RESPOND TO U FIRST!! OOOO the thing u said about like props people like being on stage but not as actors is CRAZY but SO TRUE like i'm sorry but most of those people are def attention seekers....like not them purposely trying to be seen in the wings and dancing and all that stuff like get out bro (once again unresolved tech anger coming up again) ALSO NO YOUR BOOTH DESCRIPTION MADE PERFECT SENSE!!! I FORGET WHERE I WENT THAT THEIR BOOTH WAS EXACTLY LIKE THAT where was i????? hold on.... OH i think i was at this university i visited when i thought of going to college for lights bc their soundboard was behind the audience but the lightboard and stage manger and like projections were all above in like a booth ABOVE the audience idk how to describe it i'm sorry 😭😭😭

my school was so poor and sketchy like the booth had a door and a sliding window (there were like four levels for no reason bro. so that it was sound proof or something???) and basically like the floor was littered with condoms (unused. they were from our sound people bc we literally put our mic packs in sound packs to keep actors' sweat from ruining them and we have like an infinite amount of condoms bc someone years ago sent it to us as a joke. i one put a condom on my hand so i could unscrew a light bulb that was still hot and put in a red light bulb so we could use it during shows. the condom was not a good glove btw it broke on me ANYWAY), the table our lightboard sat on was NOT made for it so the board like hangs off the counter LMAO and the two monitors we have for it (our board is OLD literally like an element one. she's not advanced at all) barely fit with that giant thing on the counter AND UGH THERE'S SO MUCH SORRY but anyway the counter it all sits on is also way too tall so ig when the school first opened they built this creaky af platform and then screwed in literal auditorium chairs (so like the ones where you push the cushion down you sit down yk??? or else they flip back up IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT SORRY) so like that platform is SO creaky everyone can hear anyone walk across it or just sit up from the chairs OMG IT WAS HORRIBLE AND THEN THERE WERE LIKE THOUSANDS OF TOOTSIE ROLL WRAPPERS IN THE CEILING AND BLACK MOLD SO I ALWAYS ENDED UP GOING CRAZY LIKE I WAS LITERALLY HIGH OFF OF SOMETHING EVERYTIME I WAS UP THERE (people also sometimes like hotboxed in there so maybe i was literally getting high but WHEN I TELL U BRO IT WAS CRAZY IN THERE IT WAS SUCH A SAFETY HAZARD IN EVERYWAY I'M GOING TO STOP YAPPING BUT THERE WAS SO MUCH WRONG WITH THAT BOOTH)

"ERM ACTUALLY IT'S THIS ONE" is SO REAL LMAOOO like i do not have the patience to teach people like i will show them how to do something and if they don't understand....well i'll try my best to explain it but i am NOT sitting thru watching them figure out things they can watch me do it 50 more times at the speed of light and force themselves to understand what i'm doing 😭 (also your stage manager just looming behind u is SO REAL LMAOOAO) AND OMG I FORGOT TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YES LIGHTS AND SOUND IS SO INTIMIDATING BC MISTAKES ARE SO PROMINENT AND OBVIOUS AND YES LIKE SOMETIMES MY CUES WOULD GET MESSED UP and my director would be like "ness this isn't the right lighting cue mimimiyapyapyap" and i'd be like "I KNOW YOU DERANGED 50 YEAR OLD MAN STFU AND LET ME DO WHAT I NEED TO DO CAN U SEE HOW I'M OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO MAKE THIS A BLACKOUT I DIDN'T NEED YOUR INPUT" (dw this stuff is def deep. like unprocessed trauma that we are getting thru together rn) (mango anon and ness sound + lights duo for the win oml literally) AND IT'S THE WORSE on like the first day of tech week and no one's given me my cues yet so like actors are waiting on ME to bring up lights EVERY SINGLE SCENE or they have to wait for me to write cues and i'm like "I'M TRYING TO GO FAST GUYS I'M SORRY U HAVE TO WAIT FOR ME </333" AND UGHHGHGH HEARING ABOUT YOUR ACTOR THAT FAINTED IS SO REAL AND SICKENING like theatre is so sketchy and like....def not legal/oscha approved (which is a given but like THE WAY THEY KEEP US SO LATE AND NEVER GIVE US FOOD?? THAT HAS TO BE A VIOLATION SOMEWHERE) like i could FEEL that girl's hunger omg i def understand her tho (AND THAT'S WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF MANGO ANON!!! I HOPE YOU'RE DOING GOOD AND EATING WELL <3)

LMAOOOAOAOAO WAIT MANGO ANON AND NESS RELIVE THEIR THEATRE TRAUMA/RAGE MOMENTS PODCAST WHEN??????? WHAT IF WE QUIT OUR RETAIL JOBS AND START A PODCAST I THINK WE COULD DO IT AND MAKE MILLIONS LMAOAOAO AND THEN WE ADVERTISE OUR SKILLS LIKE "anyway...since we went thru so much...who wants us....broadway????? hamilton???? u guys looking for new sound and lights people????? we're right here 😌"

ANYWAY LET ME GO ON THIS SIDE TANGENT RQ MB I HAD TO TELL SOMEONE THOUGH AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD UNDERSTAND 😭😭 but the reason i say that my duties for stage managing for my old high school has already started is bc like,,, technically everything starts september 5th but my tech director asked me to come in yesterday, today, and tomorrow BC GET THIS OMG i cannot even sorry like idek what to say but that school and the theatre department and him are SO sketchy like please bro i am a fresh young adult AND MAN HAD ME COME IN TO SUPERVISE HIS TECH CLASSES. MANGO ANON. I WAS SUBBING FOR A CLASS AND I HAVE NO PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE OR ANY DEGREE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT I CANNOT BE DOING THAT. like he had an "actual sub" in that class but she handed me his papers bc he was like "yeah he said u were going to be teaching the kids how to use drills" and i was like "oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃" sorry i am typing this with tears in my eyes because like what is my life bro how do i get into these situations AND YK WHY HE WAS GONE?????????????? HE'S PULLING THE PLUG ON HIS FATHER IN LAW BRO omg. (if any of my irls see this like it would be so obvious who i am BUT IDC BC I'M HAVING A CRISIS RN LIKE WHAT WAS I DOING IN THAT SCHOOL) i can't i'm sorry and like i can't make up any of this either like when i was a STUDENT he would also do this where if he was ever absent he usually just had the "tech mom" of the department in charge bc yk how it is. you join tech and u sign ur life away so i was always in tech classes and then i did tech after school and </333 BUT ANYWAY YES SO I HAD TO TEACH KIDS HOW TO USE A DRILL AND I WAS DYING AND JUST SO ?????????????????????????????? AND THEN THE REASON I WAS SO TIRED YESTERDAY IS BECAUSE I GOT LOOPED INTO HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS FOR LIKE THE ENTIRE DAY WHEN I PLANNED TO LEAVE EARLY BC I HAD A HEADACHE AND WANTED TO WRITE BUT INSTEAD I SAT IN MY CAR WITH ONE OF MY FRIENDS OUTSIDE OF THEIR HOUSE FOR FIVE HOURS AND WE COMPLAINED AND GOSSIPED ABOUT A SINGLE MAN THE ENTIRE TIME (i can't remember how much i've said about him or what u remember and ik it's hard without names and for that i'm sorry but it's the same guy i was talking about that i used to like and was helping me like clean and blah blah blah WHATEVER the point was he had like 10k problems and was hurting EVERYONE around him so we went into great detail and study about that and idk. we connected the dots and realized he was literally just regina george and then found out he's literally said before he kins regina george and like ?????????????? HOW DO YOU KIN REGINA GEORGE??????????????????????????? anyway. sorry. that probably makes no sense but just know ground was broken last night)

OKAY CONTINUING ON bro i honestly have no idea like i never shifted but i have a friend who said she did but like..... who knows..... trust issues xxx LMAOOO THE WAY I RECOGIZED THE NAME SOCK IMMEDIATELY FROM WHEN YOU FIRST TALKED ABOUT HIM I LOVE HOW DEEP THE LORE GOES i also played roblox and minecraft with some of the people on there 😭😭 one of these days i'll pull up screenshots of really funny moments in that discord server bc they're lowk actually funny like let me just tell u one now but basically we had a literal account named jesus christ in that server so this was a conversation in that server once:

random person: i'm going to shift today

jesus christ: u can't do it

random person: what

(JESUS CHRIST MEANT TO SAY "U CAN DO IT" BUT MESSED UP IT WAS SO FUNNY AT LEAST TO ME 😭 AND I CAN'T TELL IF IT WAS BC YK IT'S LIKE JESUS CHRIST, PFP IN ALL, OR THE TYPO)

AND AA YES OFC I REMEMBER!! MY BRAIN IS VERY GOOD AT REMEMBER SMALL NICHE DETAILS <3 AND ALSO YOUR ASKS WERE ALWAYS SO SWEET I COULD NEVER FORGET THEM!!! THEY LITERALLY STAY WITH ME FOREVER AND MAKE ME SO HAPPY <3 the "little mango peel" is SO CUTE AWH AND PLEASE!!!!! YOU'RE MY FAVORITE AND I THINK YOU'RE SO SWEET!!! YOU'RE THE RIPEST BEST MOST PERFECT MANGO OUT THERE MANGO ANON <33 YOU ARE WHAT EVERY MANGO ASPIRES TO BE AND WHAT PEOPLE HOPE TO GET WHEN THEY BUY MANGOS <3 YOU ARE THE BEST AND SWEETEST AND MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER AND YOU'RE MY FAVORITE!!! ik i shouldn't play favorites and like i tried to play it off.....but obv u are like i'm only answering your ask today because i love you so much!!! <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 and i want you to eat and take care of yourself too please!!! i love to hear about what you eat and your days so definitely please always update me!!!!! <3 i hope that you had a good day today!! and i can't wait to hear about it tomorrow hopefully <3

AND HAVE A GREAT SLEEP MANGO ANON!!!! IF I HAD A GENIE I WOULD WISH U COULD FLY TO ME OR ME TO YOU (that might be better. i hate the u.s. also hope this isn't weird 😭😭😭😭) AND WISH YOU ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD AND WEATH!!! AND THEN WE COULD BE LIKE THE MOST AMAZING DUO LIKE HAIKYUU SMAU ROOMATES TYPE BEAT BC ROOMATES IN HQ SMAU ARE ALWAYS AMAZING LIKE THAT COULD BE US!!! i would get the moon and the universe and every single thing for you mango anon i love you so so much!!! PLEASE MAKE SURE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! I WILL ALSO GLADLY BE YOUR HOUSEWIFE OR GUARD DOG FROM THE CREEPY MEN <33 I CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU!!! YOU'RE THE BEST <33 THANK YOU FOR BEING THE KINDEST COOLEST PERSON EVER <3333 I LOVE YOU <333 AND HAVE THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!!

[hanjisungslag]

attack on titan headcanons #7

## - training with them

genre - fluff

pairing - aot x reader

word count -

warning -

notes - i have SO much to stay rn. 1. i did a rebrand, we like?! 2. the last episode has me in pieces, i’m just a vessel of a woman i once was. 3. IM BACK BITCHES!!

- EREN JAEGER

as soon as you asked for him to train with you, he JUMPED out of his chair. he was so excited. he’s super determined and is genuinely a good help... 30% of the time. the other 70% is spent by him failing the training miserably - he just wants to impress you. he wants you to think of him as the super cool, manly, passionate kind of guy. although it’s a tough watch, you always reassure him of how cool you think he is.



- MIKASA ACKERMAN

you’re getting put to WORK babe😭. if you ask her to train she’s gonna TRAIN!! she makes you go through the whole shabang from jogging, running, lifting, practicing with odm gear, practicing slicing napes on the practice titans, like by the end you’ll be sweating gallons. however, if you have done enough work (in mikasas eyes) and you’re feeling tired.. she may let you have a little break. because she’s a secret softie ;).

- ARMIN ARLERT

you two.. training ..?? girl be so fr, you two are the mfs who sit in the back of p.e - sure you’ll train if you need to refine a skill or two but it’s pretty bare minimum. like you’re train until your tired and then stop. armin is suppperrr encouraging though, so lovely to have him around when you’re training.

- SASHA BRAUS

you guys train so well, until you don’t. it always starts off really good, you’re both really focused and executing the moves perfectly but then as soon as one of you cracks a few jokes, it’s all over. you start messing about, picking on each other, picking on connie and jean as well and then keith ends shouting at you two.

- CONNIE SPRINGER

THIS BOY 😭😭you get ZERO (0) training done. he just loves to see you smile and laugh and that includes during training. him and sasha are just huge goofballs and tbh, it never fails to make you giggle. however, when keith ends up shouting at him and calling you guys something like ‘love birds’ he gets very embarrassed and decides to actually focus.

# humbled

- JEAN KIRSTEIN

you just looovveee to fuel this man’s ego when you guys are training. he’s really good don’t get me wrong but, same thing as eren, he just wants to impress you!! but even if he does fail or do worse than others, you always make sure to give him compliments and he really appreciates it so, keep it up!

- REINER BRAUN

you guys are THEM guys during training. like you execute everything perfectly especially when you’re together. you guys just got rhythm when it comes to training together, you work so hard to achieve it of course, but it looks so effortless! although the captains want everyone to be in tune with each other like you guys are, they never split you up because you’re just too damn good!! (also reiner loves helping you, it’s so adorbs)

- ANNIE LEONHART

she makes you train. like trainnnn. worse than mikasa fr💀 you go through everything until you’ve perfected it to annie’s standards - to be honest, she just wants you to be safe! she knows she can handle shit on her own and you can too but, it’s just nice for her to know that you’re FULLY prepared. when she sees you starting to struggle, she gives you a quick kiss hehe. (when keith isn’t looking ..)

- BERTOLT HOOVER

your work out is picking up all the stuff that man knocks over. he’s good at what he does, don’t get me wrong but he’s sooo clumsy😭. but mins being a bit of a klutz, you guys get ur bloody training done!! but, at the end of the day, sometimes you feel you haven’t done enough and head back in the evening to refine some skills and he’s always right behind you, being your personal lil’ cheerleader.

- LEVI ACKERMAN

you train more than him seeing as he’s been there, done that! and he’s literally levi ackerman. that man doesn’t need training! tf! anyways, since he is SO good at what he does and you still need that extra bit of help, he acts like a coach! quite a strict coach at that however, compared to other people.. this man may as well be spoon feeding you because he’s so much more gentle and patient. there is still that part of him that’s always pushing you though because he wants nothing more than for you to be safe especially in battle.

- ERWIN SMITH

this man also, doesn’t not train as much anymore. he’s literally the commander, he’s always out in battle but he’s also got his paper work to do! instead of being like levi and acting as a coach, you just start training less and less.. he’ll come to see you and you’re incredible at what you do so, he’ll pull you out early or say you don’t have to go because he genuinely has full faith in you to survive on the battle field and also, means he gets to spend more time with you if you’re training less ;).

- HANGE ZOË

you guys don’t train much! you and hange trained A LOT together a few years back, when you were younger, just some random soldiers in the corps. but back then, you guys didn’t know each other too well but somehow always got put together as partners. almost like you were destined to be together.. anyways, when you trained, you always knew how to have a good time - you’d train to make things fun and exciting instead of the same old routine. after a few years, you mostly took an interest in science and stuck with that and now you guys experiment in the lab together mostly.

[sabineelectricheart]

Cape Agulhas [Pt. 1]

Summary: A Mr. Sebastian Sallow is found dead in Cape Agulhas, much to the dismay of Rosalie Gaunt, who thought he might have information on her origins.

Rating: M - Not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16 with non-explicit suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, or coarse language.

Words: 1542

Notes: Cape Agulhas is a great place for fishing and drinking wine. It also has a terrible storm record.

Another dead end.

Quite literally, this time. The man that Rosalie Gaunt had been searching for, the one with news about her family right at the tip of his tongue, words that could have bloomed from his throat, now lies lifeless on the mossy rocks of the cape, with no particularly identifying marks for his cause of death.

She has seen enough dead bodies around there to know that this meant an ambush attack with Avada Kedavra. He likely did not have any time to retaliate or to prepare some indication about whom had perpetrated the crime, if he had even seen them at all.

Ominis stands next to her when she is finally able to identify the man. He washed up on the shore, body bloated and rotting, just as they reached his dusty cottage, nestled near the shore around Cape Agulhas.

Things are dangerous at the Cape Colony these days, for Muggles and wizards alike. Seeing a British compatriot in such a dreadful state, object of such needless, wanton violence against a fellow countryman was quite sobering.

A storm brews on the sea, a few kilometres from the shore. The blond woman staggers back, the weight of the sky tumbling down, smashing onto the loose wet pebbles beneath her shoes.

“What… I’m… Please, no!” She chokes out, not managing to elaborate her thoughts any further.

Her husband puts his fingers over her eyes, gentle and calm like the waves lapping at shore, before steering her away from the sight.

“You should not look.” He says, very softly, that the command is almost soothing.

Rosalie does not fight it. Numb, she lets herself walk aimlessly, body propped up by his touch, until her feet finally meet steady earth. Ominis hums and finally releases her eyes from his grasp. She stares downward, afraid of the bright colours across the horizon, too beautiful, too cheerful to bear.

“Sit.” He says, hand at the small of her back, nudging she down.

She sinks down onto the grassy hill, wordless. She can only hold her hands to her mouth, gaze at her thighs and keep herself from crying. The man is standing, and he holds her at the shoulder, not quite in the interest of comforting her, but rather to be a stabilizing presence.

“You have become unsteady from shock. Let us wait here for a while, so you can get your bearings, lest you get splinched on our way home.” He says, stony.

“Is he really…” She digs her nails into the flesh of her palm, trying to keep her voice even. She bangs her fist helplessly against her thigh. “I’ve looked so long, Ominis. So long! Finally, there is a clue, and now…!”

Her voice breaks.

“I know, my love. I know.” He says simply.

It is not a lie, and he does understand it very well. She tells him everything, she has leaned on him all these years. How she has been separated from them, how her memories are faint, how she has been looking ever since.

“Rest.” He says, now much softly. “I’ll handle the… Discovery.”

A shift of fabric, a gust of wind and a quiet popping sound besides her let her know he is gone. She does not know how long he is gone, but soon he appears back at the beach, sided with two wizards. From their robe, she can see that they were from the office of the Burgemeester, and would likely do the bare minimum to elucidate the death of a British wizard.

“Dit is die man.” She hears him tell the men stationed nearby, voice low. “Sy naam is Sebastian Sallow, hy is 'n onlangse aankoms in die Kaap. My vrou het na hom gesoek, maar nou...”

The conversation filters in and out, pieces she finds herself too tired to try to hold onto.

Sebastian Sallow. She wonders who he was. She wonders if he has a family that will miss him, or if he left some unfulfilled dreams behind. Mostly, she considers that it must be difficult, to come so far away from home, just to die in a sudden, violent manner.

Not many British wizards come to the Cape often, and those who do are usually some eccentric Magizoologists who come study the fauna deeper within the continent. They prefer to deal with the Zulu in the east, instead of the small local community, and so she has little contact with them.

When she first came to her senses, washed off in the cold waters of False Bay, and when she found the man who would become her husband, he helped her ascertain that she must be British. Her blond hair and light skin immediately ruled out Xhosa, and she still does not speak a single word in Dutch. If she had any other precedence, there would be some paperwork registered with the colonial office, but alas, there were not.

As such, she is always keen to meet whomever comes from the Isles, on the off chance that they may have met before, or that she knows of her family. It is a fain hope, as she can only remember her first name and a greenhouse, which is not much to go by. Time and time again, her hopes were dashed. Though usually not as violently.

The Cape of Good Hope has not been a safe place for anyone, Muggle or wizard, for a long, long time. The three-way conflict between the indigenous peoples, the Boer and the British bleeds out everywhere, and things get worse as it is not very clear to ascertain who truly held authority in the land. The Ministry of Magic wants no part in the Empire-building of the Crown, despite its insistence, but at the same time, the African magical bureaucracy is slaughtered along with the non-magical people, and the structures that the Dutch set up back under the VOC are of no worth, as their community prizes itself to be as isolated as possible.

In the end, this is a land of lawlessness.

“Ag, ja, ek verstaan ... Natuurlik sal ons tot die beste van ons vermoëns saamwerk.” 

Rosalie rubs at the corner of her eyes, lost. They investigate and investigate, but their efforts are only worth so much when someone from England comes around with information and hope. Mr. Sallow more so, since some of their neighbours mentioned that he was looking for someone that matched her descriptions. He had been asking around, she had heard, of a girl who had been missing for years.

His wife, some of them said. Or at least someone who he prized very much, enough to come and look for her as far as Cape Town. It might be wishful thinking or jealousy, but she wishes that someone was looking for her with such dogged perseverance.

So close, but still nothing to show for it. 

Ominis returns to her, and, with his cool blue eyes, carefully watches as she wallows in her loathsome misery. He says nothing, merely offering the silence of his company. Waiting.

“I…” She swallows a sob. “I thought this time, we would finally find something of worth. But still, nothing.”

He does not say anything at first. He just rubs circles on her shoulders, waiting for her to get it all off her chest before he can hug it out.

“You have helped me so much, Ominis, and I…” She chokes on her words, not really knowing how to express herself. “I do not know how to repay you. Or how to apologize for wasting your time.”

“I volunteered to help you, my love. I knew what I was getting in to when you came into my parlour, confused and asking for my assistance.” He says, resting his hands together with hers. The sea breeze ruffles through his hair, blond locks fluttering. His words are light, forgiving. “Besides, you are now my wife, and if it is your birth family what you want, I shall not spare absolutely any effort to find them for you. You do not have to apologize for taking what is freely given. No matter what, I will be here.”

Rosalie feels even worse, because the thought comforts her, that he will be here for her, even through this endless, endless search. She knows it hurts him, she knows she owes him at least the attempt of feeling content with what they have together, but…

The couple in her head look always so beautiful, smiling at her against the bright sun and the smell of saltwater. They look like they loved her, and she wonders if they would be happy when she returns home with such an upstanding man as her husband. She just wants to tell them that she is well.

The corner of her eyes prickles from a sudden flash flood of hot tears.

“Ominis…” She whispers, leaning her head onto his shoulder, burrowing her face into his robes. “What would I ever do without she?”

He quirks an eyebrow, even knowing that she won’t see. “Is that a rhetorical question, my dear?”

“No.” Rosalie mumbles. The nails of her hand dig hard onto the hem of his vest, pulling him closer. “Yes. I do not know.” 

Ominis remains silent.

*_*_*_*_*

Cape Agulhas Masterlist

Hogwarts Legacy Masterlist

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

YEAH!

I have experienced so much ableism it isn’t even funny, for being both autistic/adhd and asthmatic/anaphylactic allergies.

like, autism/adhd are LEARNING DISABILITIES not anything else for gods sake! Like I don’t get the infighting it’s so stupid!

and the amount of times I’ve been really hurt, and forced to do things that trigger asthma attacks by stupid people is so many times I can’t even count anymore.

it’s not like I need 2-3 puffs of a rescue inhaler and I’m okay fuck no, I need 5-10 puffs so it makes just everything worse for me. Literally since I was 6 to about? 15-16 years old I kinda just let people push me around and I suffered for it.

1000% these “💥😵‍💫🥺💥 I’m radically inclusive💥😵‍💫🥺💥” people would 1000% give me asthma attacks because they didn’t fucking listen. And 1000% give me food I’m allergic to, like without a fucking doubt.

like, 1000% because I know those fuckers irl and they’ve only hurt me! Like please don’t act like your for disability rights then actively try to kill people because you don’t listen like GAH!

especially with allergies, god fuck especially. It’s horrifying! I have been through some things! And people are fucking awful to you about allergies! Like the amount of times people have been like “if they die who cares I want to eat my milk/nuts/eggs” then I start freaking out and getting hurt because someone couldn’t do the BARE MINIMUM OF WASHING THEIR HANDS BEFORE THEY TOUCHED ME! And I started having a reaction. This was when I was 3-6 idk I don’t remember.

there was the year(s) when I did fencing where they forced me to do the warm ups to the point where I had asthma attacks. It wasn’t even mild ones but full blown ASTHMA ATTACKS, every time. For years!

they never let me sit them out! Because fencing is perfectly within my limits and I can enjoy it without getting asthma attacks! But the warm ups which always included high octane running and shit literally always disabled me to the point I did basically have to sit out most of the lesson until the end I I was exhausted and coughing and my heart was pounding, and I was adrenaline high from both my ventlin and running. Like even when I got home I was exhausted, mentally and physically tired to the point I just laid down and did nothing. I usually got hurt too but that’s fencing, like not fucking fun. And literally they NEVER allowed me to sit out the running portions. Even after seeing me suffering to hell and back like fully fucking heaving and coughing and sitting down to have like 10 puffs of my rescue inhaler.

like fuck them, I literally was never fucking safe or happy. I literally take my rescue inhaler with me everywhere because I’m so fucking scared of if I don’t have it. Because of all these experiences.

because of these people that don’t listen and make me hurt myself! Like fucking hell. This has been my whole life! I hate it! Having to explain myself, and feel so fucking invalid because like everyone treats asthma like it’s not even a problem! FUCK THOSE PEOPLE!

just URGHGHHGB!

people who beg me to make my posts from the perspective of an ablebodied person so they can #relate to them deserve to be bullied lol

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 24: OH...HI

after months and too much longing, you finally meet corpse in person.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 3.8k

author’s note: we did it joe.

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous. ҉   next.

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You woke up. That’s a lie, you didn’t sleep. Too much to plan, too much can go wrong and you’re...Not nervous, no, that’s not quite accurate. Excited. Yes, excited, so excited that two Redbulls and three coffees (so far!) make you jitter around the apartment like a butterfly that can’t find a flower bed to rest on. 

Rae has almost had enough of your...random spurts of energy. So what if you ran a few laps, climbed a few tables, sang karaoke a bit too loud and yet another noise complaint had been issued? It arrived exactly an hour after your concert via your displeased landlord. Rae was, of course, the one to apologize because you were too busy trying on miniskirts. After that ordeal was taken care of, no sooner than Rae shut the front door with an exhausted sigh, you emerged from your room clad in your prettiest outfit. You present it to her with a bright smile and flourish. 

She is not impressed.

“Will you quit it?” She questions, arms crossed over her chest. Your grin does not damper -- you’re used to such harsh treatment, having accepted her backhanded way of showing love long ago. Instead, you flick your wrists, showing off an ungodly amount of rings. You’re not certain of the exact number because you can’t count, “Y/n.” Her voice gains an edge, but you persist. Show off your shoes that have cute lil’ charms that jingle jangle not unlike the spurs on a hot cowgirl’s boots, “Y/n.” Her eyes narrow in displeasure, her stern tone making you falter in your dramatic stride down the imaginary catwalk, “Just stop.”

Okay! So maybe you’re not as used to her coldness as you thought you were. Your expression sours, and you quit the act, even if a part of you - one you barely fight off, goodness, you almost perish in that battle - wants to continue but even more annoying. As if you could somehow block her rationality with manic energy. 

“What?” You ask, trying to keep the mood lighthearted despite her squared shoulders and tight frown, “I’m just having a bit of fun!” You say with a joyous little laugh, reaching for a glass of much needed water.

“No, you’re panicking.” Her words make the glass still, hoovering by your painted lips, but it’s short lived. You take a greedy gulp and it tastes fresh with a pinch of lipstick, “Look, I get it...” She shakes her head softly, “You’re meeting the guy you like for the first time, you jumped the gun straight to dating and now you’re...Anxious. It’s normal, you know.”

“But I’m not anxious.” You persist, and you really do mean it. You don’t like how she looks at you as if you’re the one that’s misunderstanding your own feelings. You set the glass down with a soft clink, heaving your own sigh, “I’m not, I’m really happy actually.” You explain softly, “It’s just...my way of dealing with it. I’m more... Worried about Corpse, to be honest.” You add, a tad quieter, “But, like, it’s all good!” You exclaim, strolling up to her and landing your hands on her shoulders, “I prepared.”

And it’s true! You had spent the night scouring the depths of the internet. Read every WikiHow article on how to deal with someone with extreme anxiety, how to not make things painfully awkward, and how to talk to boys (just in case. The last time you stumbled upon that particular article was way back in middle school when you had a crush on that one guy you saw in your school’s cafeteria every now and then. Naturally, that led you down the rabbit hole, and according to WikiHow’s How To Tell If A Boy Likes You guidebook, you found out that he was absolutely enamored with you because he glanced in your direction, like, two times. Safe to say that love story went nowhere. The point still stands). 

So you forward all of this information to Rae, nestled in her bed whilst she lazily folds her clothes; clarify that you know that nothing much can happen, and that this whole situation is delicate, and that you must tread carefully because you don’t want to overwhelm him. She pauses her actions, glancing behind her to watch you staring idly at the ceiling, so peaceful, so thoughtful. And it’s not the eerie calmness you had displayed during your murderous spree in the last Among Us game, no, it’s just...quiet understanding. 

“I’m actually impressed.” She says. You merely hum, counting the dust slowly descending in the cascading light, “You’re not as clueless as I thought.” Your lips quirk into a shy smile at the compliment- “Or as tactless.” - and turn downward just as quick.

“That implies that I’m always tactless.”

“You are.” She states and you sit up, a soft frown pinching your brows, “Not like, in a terrible way. You just...don’t think about your actions. Or the repercussions. You just know that you can get away with everything.”

“And I can!”

“That doesn’t actually mean you should do something just because you can. You know I’ll always support you. Literally everyone will always support you. But I’m not gonna coddle you. You’re just...a lot. Online and especially in person. But the fact that you’re actually taking this seriously and taking his feelings into consideration is...well, the bare minimum, but still, good job.”

...Much to think about. You don’t like thinking, it makes your head hurt. Though, that could just be the lack of sleep. You cross your legs and plop your head in your hand, tired eyes blinking owlishly, “Do you...think I should change what I’m wearing?”

Prompted by your question, she gives you a careful once over, “I mean, it’s signature you.”

“Signature me is a hoodie and some sweatpants.”

She smiles, “Then go change. Your outfit is a bit distracting for just...Hanging out indoors, no? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind either way, though.”

“I just...” You bite the inside of your cheek, mulling your words over. Truly, the last time you were so attentive was when you went Psycho Mode in Among Us, which, to be fair, wasn’t that long ago. Perhaps there wasn’t a chance to let your mind dull - it’s almost as sharp as your butterfly knife, “I figured that if, like,” You vaguely motion with your hands, “if I be, like, all over the place, and wearing something cute, he’d be, like, distracted? And less anxious? No...awkward silence?”

“First meetings are always awkward, it’s natural.” She chimes, “I mean, if you’re so nervous-”

“I’m not nervous!”

“-then just don’t overthink it. I know it’s easier said than done, but you’re you, and Corpse is Corpse, and he likes you for who you are, and even if it is a bit awkward, I’m sure it’ll, like, blow over in a second. It really doesn’t matter how you look, Y/n.” She grins, “Plus, it’s not like you’re greeting him in your underwear or something.”

You will not admit that that was your plan B, not when you just landed in her good graces. You nod, “...I’ll go change.” 

And so you do. Pick out your cutest hoodie and some sweatpants. Put away your jingle jangle shoes with a broken heart, instead of them donning your fluffiest socks; slip off some rings because they keep falling off of your fingers. It’s almost like all of those transformation scenes in rom-coms that are still popular for some reason, except you’re hot before and after, so there’s really no transformation at all. 

Now you wait. Just wait, all other activities are excluded from this. Rae comes back to find you sitting on the edge of your bed, back straight, hands neatly folded on your lap. She compares you to a Sim’s character and you allow her. After mercilessly mocking you and snapping a few pictures - for blackmail, you assume - she helpfully informs that she is leaving because she doesn’t want to get in the way, but your psychic abilities which you acquired just now tell you that she simply doesn’t want to witness this train wreck. Not that it’ll be a train wreck, it would be if you were nervous, but you aren’t. 

You just aren’t. You fidget with the rings adoring your hand; toy with the hem of your hoodie; bounce your leg up and down. It’s just caffeine, okay?! Fuck this, Twitter time.

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[ADDING A MUSICAL INTERMISSION, LISTEN TO THIS IF YOU WANT (I WROTE THIS CHAPTER WITH IT IN MIND)]

The waiting commences, only now it somehow feels more intense. The sun is setting, and you really want to be one of those cute girls that fill their camera roll with pictures of the sunset and the roseate sky, but your hands are trembling and holding up your phone feels like too much of a hassle. You’d rather just sit there, alone in the apartment, in the pin-drop silence, extremely uncomfy and tense, as if waiting for the end of the world. 

A notification sounds off and your life flashes before your eyes. Hastily, you check it, a sticky mixture of delight and something else, something unpleasant constricting, making your stomach churn. He’s here. Holy shit, it’s happening. You order your anime plushies to stop fucking panicking, they’re like, totally embarrassing you at the moment! You wonder if they have their own little group chat, but instead of Totally Spies it’s called Total Embarrassment. Yikes, okay, that was harsh. After a good scolding, and a heartfelt apology for getting so heated, you smooth down the non-existent wrinkles on your modest outfit, and quickly waddle over to the electronic apartment thingie something something... you unlock the main door, okay!? This is for some reason feeling very not cash money, so you break out in a little dance number.

The doorbell does not sing that shrill, unpleasant tune; rather, there’s a soft knock on the apartment’s door, and you pause your shuffling, your renegade, and perk up at the imposing future hidden behind a slab of wood. Your heart beats a melody all on it’s own, and it’s loud, uncoordinated, like a musician that’s still familiarizing themselves with their instrument. And there’s that knock again, as uncertain as you’re feeling, and your clammy fingers latch onto the lock and turn it and now there is no more hiding - such a possibility is no longer an option; no more sporadic dances or sitting in disheartening silence and letting your thoughts weight you down.

You’re not quite sure what you were thinking about before you saw him in the threshold, head tilted slightly, fluffy dark hair obscuring the bags under his eyes, hunched, one ringed hand clutching onto the strap of his duffel bag, the other frozen mid-air, ready to knock one more time lest you didn’t hear him the first two. No, truly, you can’t, for the life of you, remember what all the fuss was about. 

“...Oh.” It’s a soft sound, so quiet, but not surprised, rather...relieved. Faint shimmers of a smile reach you, hidden behind a black face mask - the panini chic! You must stan a respectful king - but there’s something about the way he looks at you that makes you question it’s sincerity. He fails to return your gaze, rather choosing to stare somewhere over your shoulder. His eyes seem unfocused. Apprehensive. A wild thought occurs to you that he expected you to trick him somehow, and wild thoughts invade the land of your mind often, but never in such a way. You clutch the handle just a bit tighter.

His hand retreats to his side, up to his mask and you think he’s about to unhook it but he stills, and there’s panic there, as if he had been moving unconsciously, as if he hadn’t realized what he’s doing. He plays it off by idly scratching his cheek, muttering an equally quiet, “Hi.” to fill the silence.

Finally, your WikiHow knowledge can come in handy, along with your common sense, “Hey, pretty boy.” You mutter, pulling away from the door, “Make yourself at home!” You slide to the kitchen, your socks acting not unlike ice-skates cutting through the Arctic frost covered ground. You hope that with you occupied and not watching him as closely he’ll feel slightly more at ease. 

You’d like to hug him. Kiss him, definitely. But if he’s so uncomfortable that he can’t bring himself to shed his mask in your presence, then there’s really nothing you can do. 

You hear the door shut and lock behind you as you pull out two glasses from the cupboard, humming a song you can’t quite recall the name of. You ask him if he’d like something to drink - it was a short flight, yet a flight still, and planes always make you thirsty, and there you go talking his ear off. You end abruptly, but smoothly, like a true diplomat; if he notices, you have no way of knowing - he doesn’t provide even a hint. He’s hard to read, and literature was never your best subject. But you’re trying.

He sets his duffel bag down on a nearby chair, “I, uhhh,” His voice is raspy and low, another indication of a pathetic lack of sleep, “I...got you something, uhh, I dunno-dunno if I should...give it now, or?” He sends you a questioning glance, but it doesn’t linger. Your offer of drinks is momentarily forgotten, though you hardly mind. 

You grin, “Sure! I love gifts, gimmie gimmie.” You make grabby hands, and he snorts, and it would’ve sounded endearing if he didn’t sound so fucking tired. He unzips the bag, and you pad your way to him, mindful of personal space (something you, in most social situations, chose to pretend does not exist). You note his hands quivering lightly, just like yours had in the agonizing wait, but he hides it well. You wish you could hold them. You’re afraid to try.

He pulls out a black hoodie and you recognize the custom art on it instantly - it’s his merch. He presents it in awkward flourish, murmuring a “Tadaaaa” under his breath; your heart skips a pleasant beat, and you have to bite down on your lower lip lest you smile appears too big. The fabric is soft under your fingers, and you accept his gift with a dramatic bow, and he turns his head away with another little laugh. You’re chipping away at the ice around him; it’s a slow process, but it’s worth the effort.

Truly, your own hoodie is shabby in comparison - icky, how could you have ever worn such a thing in the first place?! You’ll have to do extensive research in fashion magazines and Printerest so such a slip-up may never happen again. You discard it hastily and put his on instead; it smells like washing detergent with hints of cologne, one you instantly pin point belonging to him, “It’s, uhhh, it’s mine? I hope you, uhh, I didn’t have any spare ones, so-I hope you don’t...mind.”

He’s finally looking at you, but he’s still tense, still hesitant, and you shake your head softly, “No,” You admit, “I like it even more now.” You pull on the hood, toy with the strings and yank them quickly; your face is concealed, save for your nose, “Comfy.” Your commentary is unmatched, best of it’s kind - eloquent and effortless, much like yourself.

Another small laugh reaches your ears, and it sounds a bit livelier than the others had been. Success!

“Stop that.” He says gently, and you see moving shadows; his hands loosen the strings and your face is revealed to him once again. He’s close now, and he doesn’t move away; his hands come to rest on your shoulders, warm even through layers of fabric, “I came all this way to see you, don’t hide your face from me.” 

Your eyes narrow playfully, your finger rapidly tapping away on his clothed cheek, “What’s all this then? Hm? Hm?” Instead of swatting your hand away, which you figured he’d do, he complies and finally tugs that fucking mask off. Your breath catches in the back of your throat and you halt your ministrations - truly, seeing him smiling on screen is nothing compared to him smiling in person. You can’t quite contain yourself any longer - your excitement might burst out in another dance number otherwise - as you throw your arms over his shoulders and pull him flush against you. He’s quick to return the embrace. Maybe it was all the encouragement he needed.

“Wow,” He mumbles, only slightly offended, “so I finally show my face to you, in person, and you just-...you just look away?”

“I’m hugging you, dumbass.”

“...Touche.”

Things fall into place after that, like a dozen puzzle pieces fitting together. He won’t let you go - he doesn’t want to. You put on some music, something easy and indie and that doesn’t require too much effort to listen to, as the two of you contemplate what to eat. Cooking by yourselves was dismissed due to the unstable relationship between yourself and cooking utensils. The stove and you had had a falling out recently, but this feud had started long ago, back in pre-school, with only short intervals of friendship. He listened to your extensive explanation absolutely enraptured and only moderately confused. 

So you settled on ordering pizza from Domino’s. You have no trouble calling or receiving phone calls, because you have no trouble doing anything, and he admitted that he only really calls you because he gets too anxious to do more, so you’re tasked with ordering the food. You accept this mission with pride.

You stand tall, gazing out the window into the wild California domain: massive buildings and towering eucalyptus trees, bleeding skyline and the sun slowly getting swallowed up by the ocean. Corpse looms behind you, with his arms snaked around your waist and his chin resting on your shoulder, looking at you through the corner of his eye. You wait patiently for the underpaid, overworked staff member to pick up, and once they do, you have the audacity to grin brightly and chirp, “Hi! I want pizza.”

Conversations flow smoothly, and you make hot chocolate - because you are hot and you crave chocolate - and he insists he wants one too, because you want one, and you don’t hesitate to overflow his cup with whipped cream and an ungodly amount of miniature marshmallows. A premature heart attack, just for him. Whoever said romance is dead has clearly never met you. When the doorbell chimes, you’re astounded that an hour flew by so quickly.

After the delicious meal, the movie night must commence. So what if you watched 10 Things I hate About You yesterday, you insist that you have already forgotten the plot. You lead him to your room and he tries not to stare, but can’t help himself. Pretty boy in a pretty girl’s room. His eyes linger on the massive posters of Chrollo on your walls, and you sense his displeasure rolling off of him in waves. 

“What?” You huff, fluffing the pillows, “You don’t like my husband?”

He jabs his finger into his chest, into the spot of his heart, “I’m your husband.”

“Side hoe, then-”

“-No.”

You didn’t lie when you said you love to cuddle, or that you’re clingy. It’s a good thing he’s just as clingy as you are, because when he lays down and you latch onto his side. He doesn’t complain, rather wraps his arm around pulls you close. His thumb draws lazy circles on your side; with your head resting on his chest, you feel each rhythmical rise and drop. 

The opening credits play on the projector, the room dark enough for your pile of plushies to look like a whole fucking human just standing in the corner. A ghost! Sucks for it, you’re not scared. You feel safe. Protected. So comfortable in Corpse’s hold that you’re honestly wondering how did you manage to be so long without him. To think all of this started when Sykkuno followed you on Twitter. What a lucky accident.

“Can I ask you something?” Your voice cuts through the bopping 90s soundtrack and Julia Stiles’ voice. He hums. You take it as a yes. Tilting your head upwards, you find his eyes again, a thorn of displeasure picking you as you note that that apprehension you had seen previously is still very much there, “...You really wouldn’t date me if I was a worm?”

His chest rumbles with a laugh and his lips split into a grin, “I would.” He presses your side for emphasis, “I really would.” He repeats, reassuringly. You, however, are not convinced.

“But I’d be a worm.”

“I know. We’d... roll around in the dirt together, or something.”

“But you’d be human.”

He frowns softly, “Why couldn’t I be a worm, too?”

“Those are the rules.”

“What kind of shitty fucking rules are those?”

“I dunno, it’s like the Thanos snap or something. I just turn into a worm. I’m the only one.”

“That’s fine.” He smiles, “I’d take you out on a fishing date or something.”

Shocked, offended, and heartbroken, you hit his chest and pointedly turn away with a pout, which he finds very funny for some reason, but you fail to see the humor anywhere except the movie. Despite the fact that he’d sacrifice you for a fish, you smile shyly and close your eyes. He did say you would take a nap together, and if he really thought you’d stay awake for movie night, well, then he’s just an idiot. You had decided you would fall asleep as soon as he was next to you. It’s a miracle you managed to stay awake for so long.

“...Sleeping already?” You don’t appreciate his teasing tone.

“’m not sleeping...” You murmur, “’m resting my eyes.”

“Sure.”

You’re not quite certain (of anything, really) how much time drifts by, but you’re nearly lost in unconsciousness, in the warm, nice feeling that comes along with him like a cloud. Perhaps he thinks you’re asleep, he has to, else he wouldn’t say anything at all, “You’re stuck with me now, you know.” It’s such a soft admission, riddled with the same notes of anxiety that always prevail in his speech; with the same hopeful sincerity he had been gazing at you the whole evening. 

Moving your lips is such a hassle, but you manage, “’m...stuck...” You mumble, “’m...stuck...what are you doing step-”

“No!” He laughs, and your lips quirk into a lazy smile, “No, no, no. Just no. Do you talk in your sleep?” You fake snore at that, loudly, “You’re like a little dragon.”

“...Fuck you.”

“Fine, a kitten, then.” That’s better. You feel something chapped, but soft, press onto your forehead, “Goodnight, Y/n.”

God, you’re so fucking happy. Does he know how happy you are? How happy he makes you? But you’re too tired for screaming and flailing around, too tired to even crack an eye open. You want him to know all the same, “...like you.” You whisper, but you don’t know if he hears you over the movie, “...I like you.”

His reply is instant, breathless, “I like you too.”

Good, you want to say, and maybe you do - can’t tell anymore. Sleep takes you too quickly.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @bingusmode - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury--moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[miekasa]

1+1 (levi ackerman)

↯ pairing: levi ackerman x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: modern au, fluff...... again....... is it getting boring and predictable yet lmao, once again the dog’s name is captain and no i do not regret it

↯ word count: 2.5k

↯ summary: levi ackerman is a cuddler, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. (aka me once again pushing my physical affection is levi’s love language agenda because he’s a poor, touch-starved little man).

i. the lap pillow: person A sits upright, while person B rests their head in person A’s lap. head pets and hair playing option, but highly encouraged.

Levi spent an obnoxious amount of time picking out the perfect couch for his apartment. He might have paid a little bit more than what he’d originally budgeted for, but it was worth it; his soft, plush couch and accompanying cushions were equally comfortable and beautiful, matching the interior of his living room, and posing at the perfect nap spot when Levi was too tired to make it to the bed, or wanted to lounge around with Captain for a while.

Or, well, it used to be worth it. Because now, Levi would rather lay his head on your lap than on his stupid, expensive couch and all its cushions.

Sure, the couch still provides comfort or refuge for the rest of his body, a comfy cavern to stretch his limbs or crash on after a long day, but with you there, all the benefits go to his head; literally, because when his head is in your lap, you stroke his face, comb through his hair, pad your thumb against his lips—whatever, Levi doesn’t really fucking care, because all of it is heavenly.

“Do you want to go to bed?” you question softly, hand raking through Levi’s hair. He’s lying on his back, not even pretending to have been watching the TV, as to let you have maximum access to his hair and face.

“No,” he says shortly, shifting his foot around to allow for your yorkie puppy to curl up at the other end of the couch, “Comfortable here.”

You try to hide the chuckle from escaping your lips. Levi certainly wasn’t shy about how much he liked your affections, especially within the closed walls of his apartment; but it always amused you just how simultaneously clipped, yet clingy he could be about it.

“Your neck is going to hurt, love,” you tell him, slowly moving your right hand from his hair to trace along his eyebrow, then down his cheek.

Levi huffs, ever so slightly. Then, gently, turns on his side, rotating his body and head, so that his cheek is now pressed along your thigh, legs curled up to his stomach, allowing Captain more space to curl into a ball at the base of Levi’s feet. He bends his arms, both coming to rest on your thighs as well, just an inch from his face.

“It’s fine like this,” he grumbles, voice thick with sleep—and a bit of frustration, because you’ve ceased playing with his hair at this point, “I’m going to take a nap, don’t move.”

You can help your laughter from escaping, “I don’t really have a choice, now do I?”

He hums in affirmation, shifting around just a bit to his comfort. You smile at the way he wiggles his toes, Captain taking it as an invitation to snuggle closer to Levi. You rest your right hand against Levi’s shoulder, lightly massaging his muscles as to not disturb his drifting to sleep, and resume your focus on the TV ahead of you.

Just when you’d thought Levi was on his way to falling asleep, he lets out a discontented grunt, moving his arm backwards to grab at your wrist, and with gentle, but firm force, moves your hand that was massaging his shoulder to the top of his head. He says nothing, only moves his hand back to its previous position, and once again shifts to readjust his napping position.

You get the message, and with a wide smile, you carefully begin to thread your fingers through his hair again; and with a satisfied purr, Levi snuggles his head into your lap, and finally drifts off to sleep.

ii. the half spoon/chest rest: person A lays flat on their back, while person B curls into their side, laying their head on person A’s chest.

Levi rarely falls asleep before you do, so he’s had quite a bit of time to observe your sleep habits—as non-creepily as possible, of course.

You’re a pretty normal sleeper—again, not that he spends his time watching other people sleep, or anything—but you do have your own quirks; most of which Levi finds endearing on some level or another. Like the way you always have to have a minimum of three pillows on your side of the bed, even if you don’t sleep with all three of them at the same time. And the way your arms subconsciously curl up, usually around a pillow if Levi isn’t there, or even around yourself if there’s no object for you to grasp.

One of your sleeping ticks he isn’t particularly fond of is the way you move around. Not sporadically, and thankfully, not to a point that leaves you sprawled across the mattress at an obscure angle, but just… around. He especially hates when you roll away from him, because you usually roll away and never roll back.

Which is why Levi is generally fond of cuddling positions in which he’s holding you, as to make sure you don’t, quite literally, roll out of his arms. Because nothing pisses Levi off more than waking up and realizing you’ve rolled away and taken to snuggling against your pillow instead of him. He’s much better than a pillow. Warmer, too. Not mention, a real, actual human being.

Right now, you’re tucked almost expertly into Levi’s right side, head laying on his chest, your right arm over his stomach, hand just barely tickling the exposed skin from his shirt riding up. Levi likes the feeling of your shallow exhales rippling against his shirt, and the warmth of your cheek pressed against his chest.

He’s about to fall asleep himself, when he feels you shuffling, and oh no, not on his watch. Before the worst can happen, Levi secures his right arm over your shoulder, as to hold you against him. The urge to roll seems to leave you then, the only movement is of your right arm, which you bend at the elbow, now laying your palm against his pecs.

Levi exhales, content. Now he can sleep peacefully. Well, almost. There’s one more thing he likes about this position, and it’s his ability to use his free hand to reach down, scoop under your knee and drape your leg across his waist—and he does so happily; smiling to himself as you subconsciously burrow yourself further into his side.

Much better, Levi thinks, letting his eyelids flutter shut. It was time for bed, after all, and he had a feeling he’d be waking up warm and cozy in the morning.

iii. full contact cuddle: person A sits or lays on their back, while person B rests almost directly on top of them.

“I don’t get why you like this so much,” you say, words mumble, as you shimmy up Levi’s body to lay your cheek against his chest, “How do you possibly benefit from this?”

If you asked Levi, this was probably his favorite way to cuddle. Something about having almost all of your body weight on top of him, your head against his chest, and his arms wrapped completely around you just made him feel warm, and cozy, and content. Plus, the added bonus of you laying directly on top of his dick.

He could say all of that, but instead he opts for a minimal hum, and, a simple, “It’s warm.”

“Yeah, because you’re warm, Levi,” you point out, but burrow into his skin anyway. You’re not exactly complaining, laying on Levi is nice; especially a shirtless Levi, with how warm his body runs. And, well, for other reasons, too.

Once again, you’re met with a non-committal hum. Levi just holds you for a bit, listening for the way your breathing slows and evens out, feeling for signs of your body slowing down against his.

After a while, he shifts his arms, moving so that they’re no longer stacked atop each other, but with his palms both resting against your back, creeping under your shirt. “It’s the weight,” he replies carefully, moving his right hand to rub against your skin, “It feels nice.”

“The weight?” you question, lifting your head to look at him, your chin poking into his chest. Levi looks down to meet your eyes, a small nod in reassurance.

“I can’t… explain it,” he tells you truthfully, “I just like the feeling of you against me. It’s not symbolic or any shit like that, it just, feels good. Sometimes feels like we’re… I don’t know, connected or some shit. I can feel you breathe when I breathe, and all that.”

It’s a poor explanation, and nothing close to what he wants to be able to convey, but you understand him anyways; you always do. You have to hold back your overgrown smile, just barely letting the corners of your lips turn upwards at Levi’s response. You extend your neck briefly to place a short kiss against his jaw, before turning to head to lay back on his chest.

“No, I get it,” you reassure him, snuggling against him for extra measure, “Feels nice to just know you’re there.”

Levi hums in affirmation, his hand squeezing at your waist affectionately—a silent thank you for being able to read between his lines. You lay like that for a while, your exhales tickling against Levi’s bare chest, while his hands massage at your back.

“Besides,” he says, his hands slowly venturing down past your waist; he squeezes at your hips, adjusting you so that your center is directly on top of his, and encouraging you to lift your upper half, so that you’re looking down at him, a full view of the wicked smile on his face, “I kind of have a thing for you being on top of me.”

iv. the seated snuggle: person A sits upright, maybe slouched a bit, while person B cuddles into their side; a hand wrapped around A’s waist or arm, and B’s head resting against A’s shoulder.

Levi likes his alone time, but even when he’s focusing on himself, he’s acutely in tune with you and your emotions. And to be honest with himself, he spends a lot of his alone time thinking about you—consciously or not, you find a way into his brain, and Levi has long since accepted that you’re a permanent, and very welcome presence in his life, one that can be more powerful and enjoyable that his own solitude.

Even when he’s sitting on the couch, right leg bent and tucked under his left at the knee, a book Hange had recommended in his hand, with a shitty hospital drama playing as background noise on the television; even then, when he’s relaxing and enjoying his novel, he purposefully feels out your presence and gauges your emotions.

Though, if you asked him, it shouldn’t have taken a rocket scientist to understand that you were feeling a little out of it today—maybe not quite sad, but moving a bit slower, perhaps tired, or annoyed by your day at work—despite the cheery lilt in your voice. But Levi knew, he could feel it, that something was off; but he could also feel that this something wasn’t getting talked about today, or that, perhaps you just didn’t have the words to express it right now. 

Levi greets you as he would when you come through the door, tilts his head up when you lean down to give him a kiss, and lets you pad into your bedroom to change and shower. You shuffle around after that, making your way to the kitchen to reheat the dinner he’d cooked earlier, and flitter between your bedroom and the living room after that.

And Levi knows; he knows that you want to talk to him, but that you wouldn’t dare to interrupt his alone-time, because you know how important it is to him. What you fail to understand is that you’re just as, if not more, important to him because you give him space.

So, Levi waits until you’re hovering by the doorway of the living room again, and then, without looking up from his book, silently opens and extends his left arm. He counts three seconds before you come shuffling over to him, wasting no time tucking yourself into his side, and resting your head on his shoulder. Levi hums when he feels your cheek press into his neck, and wraps his arm securely around you.

“Long day?” he questions, eyes still on his book, but reading at a marginally slower pace now.

Your eyes flutter shut at the question, working harder to snuggle yourself into Levi, wrapping your arms around his waist, “The longest.”

Levi hums, finishing his page, and tucking the ear to mark his spot before closing his book. He turns his head to press a kiss into your forehead, and pulls you a little closer against him. “It’s over now, I’ve got you.”

v. the times together/pretzel: person A rests with back against a wall/couch/object, and person B mirrors their positions; both A and B’s legs are intertwined, while they look at each other.

Levi will only take a bath after he’s showered, because there’s no appeal in sitting in your own wet dirt. That being said, post-shower baths with you are something he looks forward to, especially after a long, drawn out work week.

You both sit facing each other, legs bent and intertwined, your empty champagne glasses resting on the tiled floor beside the tub. Levi lets you make bubble beards on his face, and smiles as you splash them away and placate it all with a crescendo of kisses.

“I love you,” you smile between presses of your lips, the palms of your hands squishing Levi’s cheeks together—and he just lets you, because he loves you.

Levi thinks it’s his turn now, though he has no interest in bubble beards, or mohawks, simply mirroring your actions to cup your face with his hands, pull you closer, a whisper on your lips.

Wet thumbs pad against your cheeks, and Levi thinks that even like this, with only the flicker of candle flames illuminating your face, that you’re beautiful, and the best thing he’s ever gotten the opportunity to love and care for in his life.

So he lets you know, “And I love you.” And he means it; and you know he does.

[angelicmark]

service call (m)

pairing: renjun x reader

genre: angst, fluff, smut

warnings: renjun pining for you, fingering, handjob, masturbation (male), unprotected sex

wc: 24.4k

summary: your job, in general, was to break other people up when someone in their relationship couldn’t do it themselves. it was an easy job for you. you had no emotional attachment to them, and it wasn’t your relationship anyway. until renjun’s girlfriend tells you to break up with him for her, and renjun makes his way into your life. developing a relationship with someone you tore apart is dangerous.

➣ apart of ‘right lover, wrong time’ series

↳ masterlist

“fuck.”

you cough loudly, the once silent room filling quickly with your aggressive coughs. you giggle a bit as people look at you with a stink eye. you knew people, in general, didn’t like you. you were the heartbreaker of many relationships. no, not yours. everyone else’s. not to say you were a homewrecker, you just did as you were paid to do. it was a quick and easy job compared to your job of waiting tables. speaking of, you were ready to get off shift soon. it was late, and very little people filled the diner because it was almost closing time. you lean your head on your hand as you watch your cowoker take the bill for the last customer, smiling sweetly at him as he rolls his eyes.

“you could help, you know,” he remarks, looking at you with a glare as he swipes the card.

you smile brighter, “but you’re really good at what you do. i’m still a bit clueless, jeno.”

jeno scowls at you, “shut up, flirt.”

you laugh lightly, about to say something before he waves you off and walks back to the customers, telling them to have a good day as they walk out after receiving the receipt. you huff, grabbing cleaning supplies as you wipe off the counter in front of you. jeno rolls his eyes again, a small smile playing on his lips helplessly.

“you do the bare minimum, dude.” jeno grabs a towel out of the bucket and slaps you with it on your back as you laugh again.

“hey, not true,” you pout after a small giggle, “i’m really good at my second job.” you smile again.

jeno rolls his eyes and snatches your towel out of your hands, “it’s not even a job. you just get paid to break other people up.”

“hey! only if i know they’re in the relationship,” you cross your arms, “i’m not going to do it just because someone tells me to.” you lean your head in your hand again, watching him cutely.

jeno scoffs, “i think it’s quite sadistic, but at least you get paid, i guess.”

you watch as jeno squirts the cleanser onto the table and cleans quickly, “it’s easy for me. i don’t find attachment to the relationships.”

“you don’t find attachment to anything.” jeno shoots back, looking at you with curt eyes.

you scowl at him this time, a pout etching your features, “not true. i have a strong attachment to my cat.”

jeno laughs, quickly cleaning the rest of the tables in the diner, “me too. but that doesn’t count. you don’t even live with your cat, he’s at home with your parents.”

you huff, “whatever, shut up. i’m doing a good job and that’s all that matters. it pays my bills and food.”

“how much do you even charge?” jeno quirks an eyebrow as he places the towel in a dirty hamper for it to be washed later. he stands beside you as you straighten up.

you lean your hip against the counter and shrug your shoulders, “depends on how hard they want me to break up with the person. if it’s too harsh, i charge more. it just seems fair, because sometimes i do feel a bit guilty after when they start crying.”

jeno nods his head, not saying anything after. you raise an eyebrow, silently asking him what’s wrong. jeno shakes his head, “is there anything you won’t do?”

“when they ask me to make them cheat or something,” you speak smoothly, “i won’t even think about touching the person or come close to it. i’m not a homewrecker and i never will be.”

“you’re still ruining relationships,” jeno furrows his eyebrows.

“it’s not like i’m coming between them,” you look at him with tired eyes and yawn. “that’s not what my job is for.”

jeno hums, “well, it doesn’t matter. we should head home now, i can see you’re getting tired there, cutie.”

you laugh at him, “shut up, flirt.” you retort back, repeating his previous words. jeno shakes his head with a light laugh, looking at you with crescent moon eyes.

“i’ll see you later,” jeno looks at you sweetly, and you nod your head.

“see you later.” you let out a sigh as you both walk out of the diner after shutting the lights off. the stars were out, and it made you smile a bit. you almost enjoyed walking home at night, even if it was a bit scary. your apartment wasn’t far from where you were, so you were gladly home safe in no time. when you walk inside, you’re greeted with the cold air of your apartment. you pout, realizing just how lonely it could feel in the remnants of the night when you’re alone and have no one to share the space with.

you stretch your limbs as you walk into your room, smiling at the sound of your bones softly cracking. it was a bit satisfying after a long day. changing into comfortable clothes, you yawn as you reach the comforts of your bed.

you jump slightly as you hear your phone ringing, a random number scanning the screen. you furrow your eyebrows, looking curiously. you decide to pick it up, a bit scattered at night.

“hello?” you sound groggy, but you don’t exactly care.

“is this y/n?” you hear a female voice on the other line, intriguing you.

“it is, who’s asking?” you don’t mean to sound rude, you were just a bit alarmed by the timing.

“i have a boyfriend-” oh, it was one of these calls.

you scoff, “who is this? and why the hell are you calling me at such a late hour and how did you even get my number?”

surely, you’ve gotten calls and texts from random people several times. but never this late and never without warning from someone else saying they were being passed over.

“i’m renjun’s girlfriend. yeri. have you heard of me?” the curious tone in her voice makes you feel a bit on edge.

you sit up on your mattress, “i have.” of course you have. everyone raves after her and praises her for being so damn pretty. renjun is quite the lucky man. or was, you guess.

“great,” you can hear her smile, “i need you to break up with renjun for me.”

you lean against your wall, a smile playing on your own lips, “you’re breaking up with renjun? he’s quite the gentleman.”

yeri pauses for a minute longer than usual, “yeah... he’s not my type though.” you only hum, and yeri continues. “will you do it?”

you let out another hum of acknowledgement, “sure. how do you want me to break up with him?”

another pause on yeri’s end, a small curse falling from her lips as she decides heavily on the question, “gently, please? he’s sweet and i hate to hurt him.”

you hate when people say that. you weren’t that big on empathy and feeling what others feel. you only knew how to break people up and call it a day. when people asked for you to be gentle, it made you a bit nervous. you didn’t understand why people would ask for you to be nice to them when they were quite literally breaking their partner’s heart. there was no true way to be gentle when breaking up with someone, you’ve discovered.

you agreed regardless, “sure. how will you pay?”

“do you have any like app i can send it through?” she asks nervously, you can hear the shake in her voice.

you nod before realizing she can’t see you, “i’ll send a link on message. bye, yeri.”

“bye,” she quickly speaks before hanging up the phone.

you scoff as you send the link and amount in the message, waiting for the money to be sent. when you get a ping from your phone, indicating you received it, you simply thanked her and told her you’d text her when you were finished with the job.

you hummed to yourself as you go to stalk her social media pages, seeing pictures of her and renjun together. renjun was quite pretty, and looked as handsome as ever. you began to wonder why she would want to break up with someone who was quite literally any girls dream. it was puzzling, but there was no going back now. she already paid, and you already agreed.

turning off your tableside lamp, you let out one last yawn before closing your eyes and preparing mentally for your next job.

break huang renjun’s heart in the nicest way possible.

“renjun?!” jeno looks at you with wide eyes as you both close together, once again. you rolls your eyes at his dramatic response, wiping down the counter while he freezes and eyes you suspiciously.

“yeah,” you shrug, “before you say anything negative, i already agreed and she already sent the money.”

“you can still return the money,” jeno glares, his eyes narrowing and judging you from where he was standing.

you raise an eyebrow at him, “why? are you friends with him or something?”

jeno scoffs, “kind of? we don’t hang out or anything but we always talk in lectures. he’s a really nice dude.” he crosses his arms while leaning against the counter as you finish wiping it down.

you sigh, dropping your head and closing your eyes to gather your thoughts before looking at him again, “he might be. but why should he be in a relationship based on lies? she can’t seem to do it, so she asked me. in a way, she’s lying to him and leading him on further by staying with him. if she wants me to break up with him, then i’m doing it.”

jeno’s shoulders drop as he realizes that you’re right. in a weird, sick way, you’re right. “yeah, i guess so.”

you nod curtly, “close up, i’m leaving.”

jeno looks at you with furrowed eyebrows, “what the hell?”

you wave him off while grabbing your jacket, “i’ll close next time, promise.” you smile one last time before walking out the door.

you barely have time to make it out before your body collides into another one, uttering out a quick apology, “shit, sorry-” your eyes connect with pretty brown ones that almost make you swoon. if it wasn’t the person it was, maybe you would have.

renjun let’s out an apology of his own, looking at you with wide eyes, “oh fuck, i’m so sorry.” renjun looks nervous as he stares into your eyes, making you tilt your head while inspecting him. he had an angelic appearance, and definitely had great manners. “i only realized this place was closed after looking at the time on the door. i was just about to leave before you opened the door,” he chuckles lightly, the cold air making his nose slightly red.

you look back and see jeno staring at you with wide eyes in shock, wondering what you’re going to say next. and you were starting to wonder if renjun knew of you, or your business. you licked your lips and looked back at the boy in front of you, closing the door to the diner and stepping out of jeno’s view. you can already feel the pout on his face from not being able to get to see the show.

“it’s alright,” you eye him a bit longer, making him shift where he stands. “i actually was, oddly enough, looking for you.” you smile charmingly, and renjun’s eyes go wide.

“me?” he points to himself, eyebrows raised which makes you laugh.

“yeah,” you nod, “do you know me?” and renjun sees the tilt in your head as your eyes glow under the street lamp lights. his heart seems to flutter in his chest, much against his own will.

“i..” he pauses, a sigh escaping his lips. he takes a minute to think, scanning your face and features as much as he could. he was trying hard to recognize you, eyebrows scrunched together. when he makes eye contact again, everything seems to click together in his head as he realizes just exactly who you are. almost everyone knew of you, you were quite the talk around campus. renjun grows tense being in your presence, his shoulders heightening and his stomach turning in nerves. “i do.” he was firm in his answer after the endless silence. of course renjun knew.

you smile again, “wanna get a milkshake from somewhere?” you look at him curiously.

“no.” and renjun means it.

you’re a bit taken aback by his blunt response, eyes wide and looking at him incredulously. renjun sighs, closing his eyes for a second or two before opening them back up and revealing tear sprung eyes. you feel a twinge in your heart at the sight. he knows. he knows all too well what this means, being in your presence. he knows what it means when you want to ‘talk’ to him. you sigh yourself this time, of course he knew.

“i understand,” you’re confident in the way you speak, not faltering. “yeri told me to be kind to you, if it helps. she said you were very sweet and hates to see you hurt. i just don’t think she sees a future with you, renjun.”

renjun nods quickly before turning away from you, and it felt like you were the one being dumped. it didn’t feel right to leave it like that. you huff, debating on chasing after him or not. you didn’t want to seem pushy, or remind him of the fact that he’s being broken up with, but you couldn’t leave the conversation so short. it’s never happened before with anyone.

you end up chasing after him, even though you probably shouldn’t have.

“renjun!” you run after him, and you see renjun start to walk in longer strides. “hey, fuck, wait!” you trip shortly before catching speed again and ending up next to him, much to his displeasure.

“i get it,” he spits out, “quit rubbing it in my face.” he looks at you with vile, and you feel stung. you shouldn’t have. you were just doing your job, and this was normal. why was it different coming from him? it’s not like you haven’t had this kind of reaction from people before.

you frown at him while fast walking beside him, “i’m not.. trying to.” you try to catch your breath, “fuck, slow down, renjun!” you grab at his shoulders and stop him in his tracks. he glares at you and shoves your hands off of him.

“why? so you can continue on with your pity speech? thanks, but i don’t fucking need it.” renjun’s voice was filled with anger, making you swallow at the tone he used. “leave me alone. it’s not your relationship, and it certainly isn’t your fucking business. you were just paid to do the job.”

you’re stunned at his words and reaction. it was true, and he was right. you stared at him with a shocked expression, and he scoffs. renjun didn’t seem like the person to have this much anger built inside of him, and he certainly didn’t seem like the type of person to lose it on someone like this. but you knew he had a good reason this time. why can’t you just stop pestering him already?

“right, i know.” you huff, your shoulders slouching as you look away from him for a minute before making eye contact again. his brown eyes were seeping with anger and frustration and hurt. “i’m not going to give you a pity speech.”

“then why do you keep stopping me from walking away? you did your job already,” he was still seething, but you can see him visibly relax.

“i..” you pause, and the air turns tense in the silence. you honestly had no idea. you should have just let him walk away in the first place and taken the hint that he didn’t want to even remotely look at you. “i’m not sure.” you defeat, looking at him nervously.

renjun feels himself loosening up at the sight of you, and he curses himself for finding you oddly cute as you play with the hems of your sleeves on your sweater. renjun wanted nothing more than to scoff at you again, and walk away from you to leave you in the dust. but he couldn’t bring himself to do that the longer he stared at you. his chest tightened as you straightened out your shoulders and tried to appear more confident than seconds prior.

“i’ll leave now.” and he wants to stop you from walking away this time, but he can’t. and he doesn’t. he drives home that night with tears in his eyes and anger sinking deep into his bones.

you heave out a breath as you walk home to your apartment, opening your front door and leaning against it when you reach inside. you close your eyes, sighing again. that had to be the weirdest break up you’ve ever done, and the most complicating one. you scratch the palm of your hand as you open your eyes, looking around the dimly lit room.

jumping, you hear the loud ring of your phone. yeri’s contact shows up, making you scowl but picking up anyway. “the job is done.” you state into the phone with a monotone voice.

“thanks,” yeri breathes into the other line, “i couldn’t have done it without you.”

you hear that often, but this time it makes you slightly sick to your stomach. “yeah. i’m aware.” you didn’t mean for your tone to sound harsh, but it did.

you can feel the embarrassment hanging off yeri’s shoulders as she quickly says bye and thanks once more before hanging up. you roll your eyes and scoff before checking the time on your phone and realizing it’s just slightly past eleven at night. you let out a yawn instinctively, stretching your limbs and releasing the tense feeling in your body.

you, oddly enough, sleep with a heavy mind that night.

the next day is more simple than the last. and you don’t feel as heavy or guilty as you did when you broke up with renjun for yeri. you’re almost sure renjun has a lot of questions bouncing in his mind, as any other person would after being broken up with. it was especially odd to send someone else to break up with you, and you can only imagine what everyone thought when they thought of you. you assumed negative things.

you huff as you walk out of your last lecture of the day, watching as the sun begins to set and your mind becomes muddled. you had an evening course today and you received a text from jeno saying he did too, prompting him to give you ride. you smile to yourself as you reach outside and see a familiar male standing next to his car, waiting for you. as you walk closer, though, your blood runs cold and you stop in your tracks. there was someone else standing next to him, and it wasn’t very convenient for you.

you swallow and put on a brave face as you walk up to jeno, renjun standing right beside him. renjun’s eyes scan the parking lot and land right on you as you start to head toward his direction. his stomach spikes up in nerves, and he quickly looks at jeno with confusion written on his face as you approach them both.

“hey, cutie,” jeno quickly greets you, ignoring the sharp glare sent his way as you reject his hug. he pouts, “what?”

you roll your eyes, your gaze landing right on renjun, “i wasn’t expecting you. jeno didn’t tell me.” you look at jeno with another pointed look.

“me neither,” renjun confirms, nodding his head curtly. “he offered me a ride.”

you cross your arms, “same for me.”

“i’m right here,” jeno waves his hand in front of the both of you, and you scowl in his direction.

“i’m painfully aware,” you shift awkwardly as your eyes land on renjun again. “i forgot you had the same classes as him. you have the same major.”

renjun nods again, “yeah.” his responses are short, and you completely understand why. you don’t push a conversation with him any further.

“i’ll take the bus or something,” you wave jeno off, making him pout and grab your wrist while tilting his head.

“i can drive you both home,” jeno gives you a small smile.

you look at renjun with worry. there’s no way he would ever want to be in the same car as you, let alone breathing the same air as you.

to your surprise, renjun nods, “it’s fine.”

you slump your shoulders down, removing the grip jeno has on your wrist with a small frown. “are you sure?” you’re not asking jeno, you’re asking renjun. “i can really take the bus, no problem.”

renjun looks at you, raising an eyebrow, “i said it was fine, so it’s fine. don’t take the bus.”

you finally slowly nod your head, “okay. you can sit in front, though.” you offer renjun, and he just nods his head back.

jeno grins at the both of you, “great! let’s go then.”

the car ride is awkward, and you feel your heart tighten every time you even remotely look at renjun. you weren’t used to feeling guilty for doing your job, but you also never had to interact with the person more than once. let alone be in the same damn car as them. tension felt high on your end, and probably renjun’s end too. but jeno didn’t really seem to notice as he continue to turn the wheel on his car. you sigh quietly, looking out the back window and letting your thoughts consume you. this was quite inconvenient, and you were definitely going to have a long talk with jeno about this. he knew about your job, and yet still offered him a ride while knowing you needed one too.

jerk.

you’ll never forget this one.

your eyes end up traveling to renjun in the passenger seat, you sitting behind jeno so you’re able to get a good view of him. renjun was beautiful. he has a pretty nose, nice lips, good jawline, beautiful eye shape and color. he was, quite literally, stunning. you never really noticed how truly handsome and pretty he was until you got a closer look. his face wasn’t filled with vile or anger, and he wasn’t spewing words at you that made you want to curl up. he was just himself, renjun, for the time being.

when the car suddenly comes to a stop, you look and see that you’re not at your apartment, but renjun’s. the building was excessively tall and large, and you gape at the size of it. renjun thanks jeno, before turning back to look at you with your mouth wide open in shock. renjun can’t stop the little chuckle that escapes his lips as he eyes you. you looked like a kid on christmas, and it warmed his heart. he coughed, wondering why the hell he found you to be so cute all of a sudden. it made him feel strange the longer he looked at you. he breaks his thoughts before they travel too far.

“bye, y/n.” renjun’s soft voice cut through the air, and you jump at the sound, looking at him with bright eyes. he adores you for a second longer before snapping out of it.

“bye, renjun.” you wave at him as he gets out the car, and the minute he shuts the door, you climb over the middle console to sit next to jeno in the passenger seat.

the first thing you do after buckling is punch jeno’s arm. “ow! what the fuck?!” jeno hisses, rubbing his arm and looking at you like you’re crazy.

you snarl at him, “why the hell would you offer him a fucking ride?! you saw me bump into him last night, idiot!” you slap him again, and jeno just rolls his eyes from the weak hit.

“he needed a ride,” jeno shrugs his shoulders, “i couldn’t say no to the dude. he just got broken up with.”

“why didn’t you say anything about him?! or me for that fact!” you squeal at jeno, looking at him with annoyance and confusion as he pulls away from the enormous building where renjun lives.

“i was in the middle of texting you, but then you popped up so it didn’t really matter anymore. i was going to mention you after i sent the text,” jeno claims, giving you a side eye as he continues driving in the direction of your place. you huff and press your back into the seat aggressively, a large pout on your lips.

“it was so awkward, jeno,” you mumble with a whine, making jeno laugh. you glare at him as he continues to laugh at your expense. “he had no idea! we both didn’t.” you cross your arms and look out the window, indicating you were annoyed and upset with jeno.

he pouts, “come on now,” jeno lightly pushes you at a red light, looking at you with apologetic eyes as you turn to look at him. “it was just bad timing, babe.”

“ew,” you scoff, “don’t call me that.”

jeno laughs and his eyes and nose scrunch up as he hits the gas pedal when it turns green, “i’m really sorry.” jeno speaks, a smile still on his face.

“shut up,” you roll your eyes. “i take back what i said the other night.”

“huh?”

“you’re closing next time, too.”

jeno grunts as you smile in victory.

your legs dangle over jeno’s lap as you sit in his apartment living room. he had a nicer place than yours, considering his parents were a little... wealthy. to say the least. they actually owned the diner the two of you work at, but they were never really around. you mostly hung around him when you were bored and had nothing else to do. jeno was your bordem savior. but, right now, you wanted to kick him in the balls from where he sat.

“you’re what?!” your eyes are wide, and jeno wants to laugh at how comical you look, but decides against it. he still wants to have kids in the future, and your feet were way too close to his crotch area.

“it just happened today!” jeno defends, looking at you with his own wide eyes. jeno’s hands raise in defeat, “hey, don’t blame me. blame my professor.”

you scoff, “you’re paired with renjun for a project?” you sound and look incredulous right now. but you were truly having a hard time believing this was real life. you were truly doomed.

“yeah, i mean, i knew we had a partner project soon but i didn’t know my partner. i guess it’s just very inconvenient,” he stiffles a laugh at the end and you can see the way he tries to stop himself.

your eyes narrow in his direction and he seels his lips tight, “so, no more rides from you without seeing renjun? is he going to visit our work? is he coming here more often?” your questions fly out your mouth before you could stop them, worry flashing your eyes.

jeno snorts, “probably.”

“i hate you.”

“hey! i’m just being honest!” jeno shoots you a surprised look.

you huff, leaning back in your seat as your back presses against the arm of his couch, “this sucks. of course this happens to me.”

jeno’s eyes travel to where you start to cross your arms and he laughs, “you’re such a child, babe.”

“my feet are very close to your prized jewels right now, jeno.” you warn, looking at him with narrowed eyes again.

jeno swallows, “but you’re cute?” he says it in a question, and you roll your eyes but you have a small smile playing at your lips. jeno smiles back. “it won’t be that bad. the project is only due in a month.”

“a month?! what the fuck? how big is this project?” your eyes turn wide and with worry.

jeno sinks further into his own seat, “i know, that’s what i was thinking, too. he just gave us an extended amount of time because he knew we were all lazy in the first place. he desperately wants us to pass,” he chuckles a bit, “but i’m already passing.”

you roll your eyes at the small boast, “what about renjun?”

jeno hums, “he takes school very seriously, from what i know. he’s always focused in class and never slacks off even the slightest. he’s a hard worker.”

you groan, “so, he’s going to be over a lot?”

“probably.” jeno repeats. “he doesn’t like the idea of even possibly failing.”

you fall further into your seat, your head now leaning against the arm of the couch as you sulk. jeno looks at you with a small smile, but it wasn’t comforting. he was mocking you.

“i will actually kick you in the nuts right now.” you threaten, your face serious and stern.

jeno goes pale for a moment, before he smiles again, “you said that a few minutes ago, but my nuts are still in tact.” you start to raise your leg, before jeno pushes your legs down with wide eyes, “alright, alright! i’m sorry.”

“you should be,” you say it softly but there’s a small smile on your face, and jeno returns it. “this is just too much for me.” you whine, your hands going to cover your face.

jeno rubs soothing circles into your calves with his thumbs, one hand on each leg, “sorry, cutie.”

“you didn’t try asking for anyone else?” you remove your hands and raise an eyebrow at him.

he snorts again, “no, i can’t stand everyone else in that class. they’re all very annoying and it’s no wonder professor gave us an extended deadline. renjun was the best option for anyone, i was just lucky...ish?” he says the last part with hesitance.

you groan again, making a pouty face and looking at jeno’s hands on your legs, “i’m just going to have to get over it and try to avoid him as best i can.”

“that’s not getting over it, that’s pushing it aside.” jeno points out.

you look at him again with a sour look, “you are really pushing it today, jeno.”

“don’t hurt my balls.”

you scoff as you lean back into your seat, a small laugh escaping your throat before you can stop it. you were lucky enough to have jeno as a friend, and the jokes the two of you would pull always made you feel better. it was just a natural thing between the two of you, and you were heavily grateful for him. not that that you would outwardly express that to him, but you knew that he knew this in some ways. he could probably see it in the way you smile after every joke. jeno really was your best friend.

you check the time on your phone, “i should go. i have to study for a test.”

jeno nods, pushing your legs off of him as you start to get up, “i’ll see you later, babe.”

“will you ever stop saying that?”

jeno smiles, “nope.”

you roll your eyes as you open his front door, “bye, idiot.”

“bye, cutie!” he shouts out as you close the door. you can’t stop the smile on your face as you walk out.

your mind subconsciously wanders towards a certain male. renjun.

you frown as you realize it was probably going to be a lot harder to avoid him if he came to your work. you hoped he wouldn’t, and he would just opt to go to jeno’s place or his to work on the project and not bother going to the diner. but renjun was a hard worker, from what you knew. and you assumed he would take any opportunity he could to talk to jeno about the project.

you conclude that you’re fucked by the time you reach your apartment that night.

you were tired, exhausted. jeno could see it in your eyes as you yawned once again, your eyes filling up with water. jeno looks at you with worry, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“are you okay?” his voice interupts your sleepy daze, and you let out a low sigh.

“just tired. i stayed up late again studying after i left your place,” you lean against the counter beside you and cross your arms. the diner was conveniently empty around this time, and you were grateful for the slow day for once.

“you should rest more, it’s not good to stay up that late.” jeno scolds you, giving you a look that a mother gives a child when they steal a cookie out of the jar.

you hum, “i know, i’ll rest tonight.”

“did you pass the test at least?” he questions, raising an eyebrow at you as he stands in front of you and leans against the counter as well.

“i-” you’re about to answer, before someone walks in and interupts your conversation. you go to greet them, before you realize it’s a familiar male. your eyes whip in jeno’s direction and his own eyes turn wide.

“i forgot,” he looks at you sheepishly, “he texted me saying he was going to come by on my break.”

you huff, running your hands over your face in frustration as renjun makes his way towards the front counter. “i’m going to actually castrate y-”

“renjun!” jeno shouts too enthusiastically, interupting you as he grins at renjun gratefully. you roll your eyes as you watch the two of them. jeno retreats from behind the counter to walk towards him, and renjun looks at him curiously.

“jeno?” he says it in a question, unsure as to why jeno was so happy to see him all of a sudden.

jeno pouts playfully, “y/n was about to beat me up.”

you scoff, “you would have deserved it.” a small smile plays on your lips as a playful glint dances through your eyes.

renjun stands a little awkwardly, not sure what to say or do. he had no idea how to respond, or what he should do in a situation even close to this. you could see that renjun was still cautious towards you, but thankfully jeno broke the silence.

“i have to run out to my car and get my books,” jeno grabs his keys out of his pocket before heading towards the back where his car was parked, “i’ll be right back.” you were going to curse jeno for leaving you alone with renjun. you didn’t even have time to whine about it to him as he rushes out the door. you only hoped he would be quick.

your previous sleepy daze seemed to be snapped right out of you as you looked at renjun to catch him looking at you already. his gaze was a little intense as he eyed you, and you were almost afraid to look away. he had a pretty brown pair of eyes, and they seemed to visibly darked as you switched your gaze from his eyes to his lips unconsciously. he had a pretty face, his features seemingly dainty.

he speaks into the silence, breaking you out of your trance, “is he always like that?”

“huh?” you tilt your head.

he laughs lightly, the sound ringing in your ears, “bubbly. he seems a bit scattered.”

you shake your head, “he’s actually quite shy around people he doesn’t know. he’s just comfortable around me, and i guess you too because you’re in his class.” you smile softly at renjun, and he returns it back, making your stomach churn.

renjun nods his head, “how long have you been dating?”

you cough, choking on your spit as you heave out a breath of air. did he really just ask that? renjun’s eyes go wide as he fears you’re having a hard time breathing and he’s now aware that he caught you off guard. the apology quickly flies out of his mouth before he can think.

“i’m sorry,” he rushes, “i didn’t mean to pry, or anything. that was quite sudden.” he speaks politely and you laugh out loud, the sound englufing renjun whole as he listens to the pretty noise. renjun curses his heart as it flutters in his chest.

“he’s not my boyfriend, not even close.” you let out after you catch your breath and you stabilize. “we’ve been friends since kids, it would be weird to think of him that way. i know he feels the same about me.”

“so you two work together too?” he asks curiously, suddenly invested.

“yeah,” you nod, “we’re coworkers and best friends. his parents actually own this diner. they offered both of us a job here once we were old enough.”

“where are they?” he looks around and finds it’s just you and him, and jeno who was taking too long in his car looking for his books.

you shrug, “they’re not the most humble of people.” you start, leaning on the counter as you begin to feel more comfortable around him. you place your elbows on the counter, your front half leaning on it as you put your head in your hands, “so they’re not always around, and sometimes even jeno isn’t sure where they are. they still regularly send money to him and check up on him, but i’m not sure that’s healthy parenting.”

renjun nods, suddenly feeling sorry for jeno, “where are your parents?”

you tense at the question but decide to answer anyway, “i moved out awhile ago. i was mostly around jeno to begin with, and my parents..” you pause, and he watches you patiently. your mind runs wild as you hesitate in answering. “they were never around either. while jeno’s parents still check on him, mine don’t. they’re more greedy than jeno’s parents.”

“so you’re both wealthy?” he asks, curiosity lingering in his gaze.

“my parents are, and jeno is. my parents don’t help me out much,” you get up from your leaning position and stand away from the counter, the stance becoming uncomfortable. “i do everything on my own, which i prefer anyway.”

renjun nods, ready to ask more questions before the back door opens and here comes jeno running in. renjun looks a little solemn that your moment with him is over, but you don’t dwell on it.

“finally found it,” jeno breathes, “my bag was hidden under my seat.”

you laugh at jeno, tearing away from renjun so soon. it leaves him a little empty, but he pushes the thought aside as he hears you speak, “you took way too long, dude.”

jeno huffs, “i know, i know. sorry for leaving you with her for so long.” jeno looks apologetically towards renjun, and you wack his shoulder as he winces.

“hey! i’m not that bad,” you interject, looking at him with a pout. you’re suddenly aware that you quite literally broke up renjun with his girlfriend, and you shrink where you stand as you look back towards him. renjun didn’t seem uncomfortable for once, and you let out a breath of relief.

renjun shakes his head, a smile playing on his lips, “she’s great at conversations, i wasn’t bored.” renjun unexpectedly compliments you, and your eyes go wide. you feel your hands start to tingle as you stand there, the compliment making your head spin.

jeno smiles brightly, his eyes squinting as he looks at you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you close to him, “she can be great, can’t she?”

you push jeno away with a scoff, “you were just insulting me two seconds ago, get off me, idiot.”

jeno rolls his eyes, but a smile is still placed on his lips, “whatever, cutie. should we get to work now?” his question is directed towards renjun, and you look at the way renjun diverts his gaze from you to jeno.

“yeah,” renjun nods, before giving you a smile, “thank you for keeping me company while jeno looked for his books.”

you nod back, a smile on your own face, “anytime.”

renjun likes the feeling you give him for the small amount of time before he retreats to an empty table with jeno. renjun wants to hate you and look at you with a scowl on his face everytime he sees you, but his body always chooses against him and his feelings run high every time he comes close to you. he was unsure what he really felt when it came to you, but he realized it wasn’t bitterness or anger like he once felt the night of you breaking up with him for yeri. renjun had time to recollect his thoughts and reminisce in his past relationship since then. you gave him a different feeling from before, and he no longer felt uneasy around you.

as he looks at jeno while he speaks, renjun unknowingly starts to gain a small crush on you.

grabbing a coffee from your campus café, you let out a soft yawn and pay for your drink. the cold was approaching, and feeling the hot liquid run down your throat as you sip makes you smile just a bit. you had an early lecture today, and you could still feel sleep creeping in your bones. as you turn to walk out, you notice someone walk in. you curse beneath your breath. this was becoming a ridiculous recurrence nowadays.

renjun’s eyes scan the room, before landing on you. his eyes turn slightly wide, before softening and making way to approach you. he strides easily, a small smile playing on his lips while walking towards you.

“this is just becoming weird,” renjun laughs, “why do we always seem to meet?”

you huff, taking another sip of your drink, “it is weird,” you chuckle, “i’m not sure. maybe we’re meant to be?” you giggle, and he smiles at you gleefully.

“we just might be,” his grin was captivating, and you will yourself to tear away from his pretty eyes. “you have an early course today, too?”

you nod your head, “yeah, does jeno?”

“i assume so?” he tilts his head slightly, “he probably slept in late today, though.” renjun scoffs as he thinks of the boy’s reckless attitude.

“he does love his sleep,” you laugh lightly. renjun likes the way you sound when you laugh, and he finds your smile to be quite charming.

“he didn’t offer you a ride?” he asks, tilting his head as he stares curiously.

you shake your head, “nope, i didn’t even know he would have an early course.”

renjun nods, before an idea pops in his mind and he hesitantly asks you a question that makes your mind fuzzy. “i can take you to class from now on, if you want?” renjun desperately wanted to spend more time with you. he would be lying if he said he didn’t.

“oh, uh,” you look nervously, “i really don’t want to be a bother, or anything.” you shuffle on your feet, and you were really starting to wonder why renjun didn’t hate you.

“you won’t be,” he beams at you with a cute smile, “how do you normally get here?”

“the bus, or i call an uber,” you state nervously.

renjun pouts, “that’s expensive for a college student. i don’t mind taking you on days we have schedules close in time.” he pauses before continuing, “jeno sleeps in too late,” he lightly laughs.

you grip onto the coffee in your hand, your eyes meeting his, “he does,” you chuckle back. you stand in silence as you consider renjun’s offer. “if you don’t mind, then i’ll take up on your offer.”

renjun smiles brightly, “of course i don’t mind,” his voice is soft and reassuring, “can i have your number? i’ll text you my schedule.” he hands you his phone.

you nod your head and place your number into his contacts, “thank you, renjun.” you’re wafted with a grateful feeling for renjun as you watch him type into his phone.

“no problem,” he casually says. seconds later, you hear a ping come from your phone, “that’s my schedule. if you have the same hours, just let me know. my schedule sometimes varies.”

you nod again, “thank you, again. jeno never sends me his schedule,” you scoff.

renjun laughs, “i can tell.” renjun checks the time on his phone, “i have to go now, but i’ll see you later.”

you smile at him, “see you later.”

as he walks out, it suddenly deems on you that you just gave renjun your number. you really, truly just gave renjun your number, and he was planning on taking you to your classes any time the two of you had close enough schedules. you realize that renjun was too sweet and kind for his own good. if you were him, you would probably hate you. but renjun hasn’t exactly been rude to you the whole entire time, even when you broke him and yeri up, per yeri’s request. he was just angry, but definitely not spiteful towards you. it made you feel slightly more guilty the kinder and kinder he became.

you definitely had to get used to this.

“me and renjun literally have almost the same schedule, why is he offering you rides when i can give them?”

you roll your eyes at jeno’s words, “you wake up too late, idiot.” you pause as he chuckles, “he probably means when you can’t, or don’t want to.”

jeno takes a bite of his muffin before sipping his coffee and replying to you, “less driving for me then.” he grins at you, and you scoff at him.

“i’ll just ask renjun from now on then,” you stick your tongue out at him, and jeno only laughs again.

“you’re so cute,” he confesses, pinching your cheek after setting down his muffin and coffee. “renjun is probably more reliable anyway.” you watch as jeno slumps into his seat. “he’s actually supposed to be over soon,” he checks the time on his phone, surprised by the numbers shown.

“what?” you panic, unaware that renjun was supposed to be coming over to jeno’s anytime soon. you sat in his living room, a shirt of jeno’s embracing your body and a pair of shorts you threw on. “fuck, why do you never tell me these things prior?” you hurriedly start to gather your things, eagerly looking for your misplaced apartment key.

jeno shrugs, “i lost track of time.”

you roll your eyes, about to tell him off before you both hear a loud knock at his front door. you groan and look at jeno desperately, “i hate you so much, jeno.”

jeno laughs as he walks towards the door, “no you don’t!”

you huff as you sit back down on his couch, already knowing it was too late to go walking out the door like you were never there in the first place. as you hear jeno greet renjun, your mind floods with thoughts of him. you started to curse yourself for wearing one of jeno’s shirts, knowing he would think something was going on between the two of you when, in reality, nothing was. you were just extremely close with jeno, and that’s how it always would be. you weren’t sure why you were so worried about renjun seeing you in jeno’s clothes, but you were slightly freaking out in your seat. hopefully he wouldn’t notice it was one of jeno’s shirts.

“also,” you hear jeno approaching the room, “y/n’s here.” you can just hear the smile in his voice. cocky idiot.

as jeno and renjun walk in, you look dumbly at the both of them. you were unsure what to do at this point. you kept mindlessly running into renjun without meaning to, and it was becoming ridiculous. you really hoped he didn’t think you were stalking him and keeping tabs on him.

“hey, we meet again,” your voice wavers, and you’re not sure why you were so nervous. it wasn’t like renjun hadn’t talked to you before.

renjun takes in your appearance, and you shift in your spot on the couch. “i’m starting to think us meeting isn’t simply by chance anymore,” renjun smiles at you teasingly, and you groan.

“i promise it is,” you lightly laugh, before catching a glimpse at jeno, who is smirking to himself.

“do you want to stay here while we work?” jeno asks, looking at you curiously now. “you can stay the night.”

you hum, “i’ll stay.” in all honesty, you didn’t want to go home. your neighbors could be loud at night, and it could be quite the distraction. you had already brought all of your stuff with you, planning on staying the night in the first place. you couldn’t find a problem in waiting for jeno and renjun to get done with their work.

jeno nods, “where do you wanna work?” he asks renjun, and you tune out the rest as you unknowingly admire renjun once again.

he had such pure features, and he was so virtually kind. you wondered how renjun could have such a strong temper, and always look so heavenly. and, unknown to you, but renjun was quietly admiring you back. renjun felt a twist in his stomach the minute he heard you were here, and his heart stung when he saw you sat on the couch in a large t-shirt and some shorts. renjun shouldn’t be catching feelings for someone like you. or just you in general. but he was, and he found his heart playing strings on him at the sound of your voice, the way your lips moved, your eyes zeroed in on him. it was lethal for him.

he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what he felt when it came to you, but he knew it was developing the more and more he got to see you. he found you irresistible, and he was thanking the universe for not keeping you away from him. he didn’t want to consider you as a rebound, though. and he refused to make you think you were just a way to get over his ex. so he stayed extremely quiet, admiring you from where you were. he wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to gain the courage to have a one-on-one conversation with you, but he hoped he would sometime in the future. he would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn’t.

as renjun worked with jeno, you were laced in his brain most of the time, making it hard for him to focus and work on what he needed to. it was uncharted territory for him, considering he was a hard worker and constantly needed everything to be perfect. but you managed to take over his thoughts for most of the evening, and that was terrifying on his end.

“thanks for working with me,” jeno casually says as he walks towards the door with renjun.

renjun nods his head, “we did good. we got quite a bit done, we might have this done sooner than expected.” renjun smiles at him as kind as possible, and jeno chuckles, patting him on the back.

“maybe,” jeno pauses, before turning his gaze to you as he passes by the living room, “i expect my shirt to be returned to me this time.” jeno snarls at you, and renjun feels his whole heart sink into his stomach. you were wearing jeno’s shirt?

you hear jeno, and it makes you freeze from where you’re seated. surely, renjun heard him, too. fuck sake, renjun was right next to him. you want to slap jeno on the back of his head for saying something so careless. you start to panic again, your eyes wandering to the hallway connected to the living room as you see jeno stopped there to give you an accusing look. you lean over the back of the couch and scowl at him.

“oh shut up, you never wear this shirt anyway, idiot.” you grip onto the couch tighter as you look over the renjun. his expression is unreadable, and you mentally curse jeno for him and his loud mouth. “we’re friends, let me wear your shirt.” you quickly let out, eyes lingering on renjun for just a bit longer as you watch his eyebrow slightly twitch.

jeno huffs, “whatever, cutie.”

you watch as jeno starts to walk away, but renjun stands for a second longer, “i’ll see you later, y/n.” and he smiles at you, despite the sting of jealousy coating his bones. he wanted you to be close to him the way you were with jeno, but he understood that wasn’t exactly possible. renjun didn’t grow up with you the way jeno did.

“see you, renjun,” you smile back, and sigh to yourself as you sink back into the couch, watching renjun finally starting to walk away.

jeno says his goodbyes to renjun, before shutting the door and being greeted by a frown from you. “what?” he tilts his head innocently.

when he sits next to you, you thwack him behind his head and cross your arms, “you idiot!”

“ow! what the fuck?!” jeno exclaims, eyes widening as he stares in shock.

“you just had to mention me wearing your shirt,” you glare at him, and jeno really isn’t understanding where you’re coming from.

“yeah? and?” jeno looks incredulous, still confused and shaken up by your random outburst. “what? do you like him or something?”

you lean back into your seat further, “i’m..not sure.” your arms were still crossed, and you looked around the room with nervous eyes.

jeno smiles at you, “you do, don’t you?”

“fuck, just shut up, jeno.” you groan, lightly kicking him in the thigh, “i don’t know, i told you.”

jeno sits proudly in his seat, “whatever you say, cutie.”

“i really hate your attitude right now.”

jeno shrugs, “you’re still here, though, aren’t you?”

you kicked him again, and he lets out a loud laugh at the action.

you were seriously going to go crazy soon because of him.

your nerves were on edge. you had the same schedule as renjun today, and you tried asking jeno to get you but he was obviously sleeping, if his lack of response was anything to go by. you cursed jeno for sleeping so much. you really didn’t want to have to pay to get to campus, but you also didn’t want to bother renjun.

you stare at your phone screen as your typed out message asking him if he can pick you up sits there. you could feel your heart jump out of your chest as you hesitantly press send, deciding on not dragging it out any longer before you end up being too late. a few seconds later, you get a ping on your phone as he types out ‘sure’ with a smiley face next to it. you let out a long sigh, feeling your body start to relax.

when renjun asked for your address, you were suddenly aware of the fact that you would be alone with him in a car. a small, enclosed space. the thought made you dizzy as you sent your address quickly. you could handle being in the car with him when jeno was there, but you weren’t sure how you were going to react to being alone with him in a car. you started to wonder what he smelt like, and if you were going to be able to possibly smell him in the car.

you scoff at yourself for being so creepy, deciding on quickly getting ready as you see renjun saying he’s on the way.

as you slip your shirt over your head, you hear your phone ringing, blindly picking it up, “hello?”

“i’m here,” his voice was laced with sleep still, and you could audibly hear it.

you swallow, “i’ll be right out.”

renjun hangs up the phone with a small hum, and you softy smile to yourself as you swing your bag over your shoulder and lock the door behind you. you see his car in front of your apartment, considering the apartment you lived in was almost like a townhome. you can see him through the window shield, watching as he fixed his hair in the mirror before making eye contact with you. you looked pretty even in the mornings, and it truly blew him away. he could feel his heart flutter at the thought of finally being able to get a longer moment alone with you.

as you walk towards his car, he places a bright smile on his face when you open the door, “good morning.”

you laugh lightly, closing the door and placing your bag onto the floor, “good morning.” you pause, situating yourself as you buckle, “thank you, by the way.”

renjun waves you off, a small smile on his lips, “no problem.”

his hair was slightly out of place, but you liked it that way. he adorned a simple sweater and some jeans, making him look more cozy and inviting. when he shifted the car from park to reverse, you got a sudden whiff of his cologne. and oh, did he smell heavenly. your thoughts drown out the real world as you take in renjun’s appearance more and more. he smelled expensive, in a way, but you didn’t exactly mind it. not in the slightest.

“jeno didn’t answer i’m guessing?” renjun takes a quick glance at you before looking back at the road.

you nod your head, “yeah, he adores his sleep a little bit too much.” you snort in thought of jeno constantly sleeping in, and renjun laughs with you.

“i can tell.” renjun’s voice is deeper than usual, and you assume it’s because it’s so early in the morning. but you end up actually liking the sound of it.

renjun can feel his heart beating heavily inside his chest. he wasn’t sure how to go about talking to you, or simply being around you. he was causing himself danger being around you so much, that much he knew. but he couldn’t bring himself to stop surrounding himself in you. maybe it was the way you two constantly seemed to randomly bump into each other, but he was starting to really enjoy being in your company. he probably shouldn’t have. and he knows this. but he couldn’t help the fact that his heart quickens in pace, his hands grow tingly, and his body reacts to you in every way possible. you were becoming unbearably intoxicating to him so quickly, and the thought terrified him to no end. but he made no moves to stop it, and he continued to consume himself in you. he shouldn’t have. he knows. god, he knows.

but the second he glances over at you as he puts his car in park in the campus parking lot, he thinks he can endure being around you for just a little bit longer. he finds the way you search aimlessly into your bag for an item completely adoring. he thinks the way you pout when you can’t find it absolutely charming. he likes the small little smile on your face as you pull out your wallet from your bag, showing him that you found it.

renjun was really becoming fond of you way too quickly.

“i found it,” you say cutely, looking at him with bright eyes that made his heart swoon for you.

“good job,” renjun smiles sweetly, and you shyly turn away from his sincere gaze. you weren’t entirely sure what you felt when it came to renjun, but you didn’t find it to be negative in any way.

renjun turns his car off finally, taking his keys and placing them in his pocket, “i’ll drive you home after, too. if that’s okay?”

you nod your head, looking at him gratefully, “more than okay.”

renjun admires your pretty smile for just a bit longer, before nodding his head back and getting out of the car, you following suit. he finds himself watching you walk away when you give him a cute little wave, a big smile gracing your beautiful features. and renjun can’t seem to focus for most of his class, his mind fuzzy from thoughts of you. the image of your smile is engraved into his head, and he likes the way you make him feel, despite knowing how odd it may seem. it was almost as if he completely forgot about the whole yeri situation, and in all honesty, he kind of did. yeri was the last of his worries when it came to you, and he liked knowing that, too. although you did break him up with yeri for money, he couldn’t bring himself to feel bitter towards you. he knew he should have. considering the amount of pain he felt that night, and many nights after. but he really couldn’t. every time he tried, he would end up in a cycle of admiring your beauty and remembering just how charming and sweet your smile looked. how soft and angelic your voice would ring in his ears.

renjun should have hated you, but the hate always dissipated into stronger liking towards you.

“you drove y/n?” renjun hears a voice next to him, breaking him out of his thoughts. he looks up and finds jeno smiling at him, his hair messy as he undoubtedly rushed to get ready. jeno places himself next to renjun, waiting on an answer.

renjun nods his head in the end, “yeah, she said she texted you but you didn’t answer.”

jeno yawns before letting out a low chuckle, “yeah, sorry about that. i slept in again today.” jeno leans back into his seat, eyeing renjun, “thanks for taking her and offering her rides. i don’t mean to sleep in or anything, i tend to forget i have classes until last minute when i’m panicking to get ready.”

renjun laughs, shaking his head at jeno, “not a problem, really. she keeps great company, as always.”

jeno nods his head, “she does, yeah.” jeno pauses before letting out a laugh of his own, “a bit of a brat, but she’s a great friend.”

renjun nods this time, licking his lips in thought. he was suddenly aware again of you and jeno’s close friendship, making him slightly envious of jeno. “do you like her?” renjun couldn’t stop the question from flying out of his mouth, and renjun quickly becomes embarrassed, eyes going wide and his ears turning slightly pink.

jeno raises an eyebrow at the boy next to him, “what?”

“sorry,” renjun looks away from jeno, eagerly flipping through pages of the book in front of him.

jeno laughs again, and it’s boisterous, making others look at him weirdly as he throws his head back in humor, “oh god, no.” he shakes his head, and renjun whips his head in jeno’s direction. “no, i don’t like her. she’s my best friend, and i’d like to keep it that way.” jeno crosses his arms, yawning again like what he said wasn’t swimming in renjun’s head.

renjun couldn’t stop the feeling of excitement bubbling in his chest. he wasn’t sure why he was so happy to hear that, but he was. renjun wanted to believe he had a chance with you.

“oh,” renjun said quietly, not saying anything more and he boasted silently in his seat.

jeno was about to say something, before the professor began to talk and the lesson began finally. the whole hour, renjun’s mind was you, you, you.

as the course finished, renjun packs his things diligently, his thoughts still wrapped up in everything that you were. everything that made up who you were. renjun desperately wanted to get to know you better, know exactly who you were by the back of his hand the same way jeno did. he probably knew that wasn’t possible, but he could always dream.

“are you taking her home?” jeno breaks renjun away from his thoughts again.

renjun nods, “yeah, she said i could.”

jeno nods his own head this time, smiling at him, “that’s fine, tell her i said hey.” jeno waves as he walks towards his car when the two of them walk into the parking lot.

renjun makes his way towards his own car, patiently waiting by it as he searches around for you. his heart skips in his chest as he sees you bounce in a couple of your steps when you notice him standing there. he watches the smile stretch on your face, and he so wanted to kiss you at that very moment. renjun was surprised by his own thoughts, but shook them away as you approached him.

“hi,” you greeted him, “did you see jeno?”

renjun nods, “yeah, he sat next to me. we talked a bit before class started and after. he said i could take you home.”

you smile at him again, your grin making renjun feel light, “great, i like your driving a bit better anyway.”

renjun laughs at that, looking at you with kind eyes, “you do?”

“yeah,” you shrug, making way to the passenger side of the car, “it’s definitely safer. i mean, you saw him drive.”

“you just like picking on him,” renjun comments, but he’s smiling as the two of you climb into the car.

“maybe,” your smile reaches your eyes, and he takes in the sight in front of him. you seated in his car next to him, a beautiful grin taking over your features. you were so lovely in his eyes. he watches you buckle, him doing the same. as he places the keys in the ignition, he hears the car roar to life and he takes one last look at you before putting the car in reverse and pulling out.

“i figured,” renjun replies after a bit with a shake of his head. “jeno told me to tell you he said hey, by the way.”

you chuckle, “of course he did.”

“he really cares for you,” renjun looks over at you for just a split second, seeing your small smile.

you gaze over at renjun, seeing the way his jaw tightens when you stare for too long, “i know. he’s the closest thing i have to a brother.”

renjun nods, “your friendship seems strong.”

“it is,” you pause, “do you have any friends like that?”

renjun stops for a few, and the car falls silent. “not really.” he shifts in his seat as he stops at a light, “i only really had yeri and her friends. i’m not too outgoing, per-say, and i didn’t grow up with anyone close.”

you start to feel guilt fill your bones as you remember breaking up him and yeri for money. it was selfish, and you were unaware of the pain you truly brought on others, until now. were you starting to care more and more for renjun? you weren’t exactly sure, but you knew you felt bad for the actions you caused.

“oh,” you say quietly, and you feel so small in your seat. renjun presses on the gas as the light turns green.

renjun shakes his head, waving you off, “don’t feel bad, or anything. i kind of knew me and yeri wouldn’t last forever.. we just simply weren’t compatible enough.”

“do you miss her?” you find yourself asking, and you curse yourself for being so personal.

renjun pauses again, “sometimes.” he admits, and you feel the air turn tense. “but i think i don’t actually miss her. i miss the feeling she gave me.”

you nod, “i get that.”

“she was my first love, you know.” renjun looks at you with a small smile for just half a second, “i’m sure everyone knew about us. she was quite popular among everyone, but i wasn’t.” renjun unknowingly opens his heart to you, “she took me under her wing in the beginning of high school, and i fell in love with her over the years of knowing her.. she was the closest thing i’ve ever really had to a best friend, or anything.”

you feel your heart ache for him, and you can’t stop yourself from clutching onto the one hand that was resting on the gear shift. renjun jumps in his seat as he feels your warm hand enclose around his cold one. renjun’s hand was surprisingly larger than yours, despite it being dainty and frail. you liked the feel of his hand in yours, and he definitely thought the same thing. renjun could hear and feel his heart beating right out of his chest.

“well,” you gulp, looking at the side of his face he desperately tries to focus on the road in front of him, pulling into your apartment complex area, “you have me now. if you want to be friends.”

he wants to be more.

renjun feels his heart shatter as he has to let go of your hand to place the car in park. he immediately misses the feeling of your smaller hand in his own, and he curses his car for ruining such a special moment for him. all his frustrations seem to fade away, though, when he looks back into your eyes. you were so sincere, so soft. you were nothing how he imagined when he first met you. he figured you would be someone heartless, selfish, overbearing. but you were so much the opposite of that. maybe he was blinded by the feeling of trust in his heart, but he really didn’t care even if he was. you were so captivating to him, and he couldn’t seem to get enough just yet.

not quite yet.

“i want to be friends,” renjun confirms, looking at you hopefully. he wants to kiss you, show you he wants more, but he goes against it. and he doesn’t catch the way you stare at him for just a bit longer, or the way your eyes linger on his lips. he was too engrossed in his thoughts to notice.

you smile, and it’s so sweet and kind that it makes renjun almost shiver, “good, me too.” you gather your bag, shooting him a beautiful grin that has renjun swooning again in his seat, “thank you again for driving me. i can send gas money or-”

“no,” renjun interjects quickly, “no need. i’m glad to drive you.” and he really does mean it. any chance he can get to be around you, he’s sure he’ll take it.

you nod, pausing to look at him for a bit longer, before opening the door and going to step out, “you’re sweet. it means a lot.” renjun grins from ear to ear, and you find it quite cute. “i’ll talk to you later, alright?”

renjun nods his head, “alright.” he watches as you shut the door behind you as you climb out, and renjun doesn’t make a move to leave until he sees you made it in safe. when you walk into your apartment, renjun lets out a long breath of relief and slams his head onto his steering wheel.

he was so, so fucked.

renjun really isn’t sure how he came about this.

his thoughts were running mindlessly, and he ended up finding his hand around his cock, stroking slowly. at first, he wasn’t thinking of anything in particular, just enjoying the feeling his hand gave him as he feels his stomach tense up every now and then. it wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, but what was unfamiliar was the fact that his mind ended up drifting towards you.

he started to see your smile and how pretty you looked in the mornings. he actually got to take you to college a few more times after the first, and each time he ended up admiring your beauty more and more. you were becoming ethereal to him. how could you possibly be real?

as renjun moves his hand quicker, he can hear the slick his precum created as he spread it along his tip and down his shaft. he gasped, imagining your tiny hand wrapped around his cock instead of his own. he tightened the grip on his base as he started pumping a bit faster, his thumb swiping over his head each time he reached to the top. his hand was becoming sloppier and sloppier, and he couldn’t stop the raise of his hips as he felt his release come closer and closer.

“fuck,” he shudders, imagining you possibly asking if you can take his cock in your mouth, suck him off prettily. he imagines the way spit would trail down the sides of your mouth and chin and down onto his cock, his hips raising up to gag you. he imagines his hand in your hair, easing you into it and telling you how good you’re being for him. he would ask if he can fuck your mouth, and he’d love the shine in your eyes as you nod and take what he gives you.

he just knows you’d be absolutely breathtaking and such a good girl for him.

renjun feels his balls tense up as the thought of having you so close and intimate with him. he wants to kiss you, feel your breath on his neck as he fucks into you, make you cum and see how you’d react to his touches. he’s never thought of anyone this way, not even yeri. he’s never touched himself to the thought of someone.

he sighs, a shaky breath of air leaving him as he sinks deeper into his mattress, his knees raising up as his heels dig into the sheets. “holy.. shit.” he moans helplessly as he starts to rapidly pump his cock, thoughts of you bouncing around his mind. he can’t stop himself from raising his hips again in time with his hand on his member. he feels hot and heavy, eyes closing shut and eyebrows furrowing.

“fuck fuck fuck,” he rushes out, trying so hard not to make much noise. it wasn’t like he had roommates or anything, he just didn’t exactly like being vocal. then he starts to imagine the sweet sounds he would be able to pull out of you, and he feels himself lose control of his impending orgasm. he feels his hot, white seed shoot out and onto his stomach. renjun pants heavily, trying hard to come down quickly but still shivering as he rides out his orgasm.

renjun feels weak and light as he plops back down into his bed, glowing from cumming so hard. he lays his legs back down, before groaning as he feels his cum start to stick to him. he rushes to get up, grabbing wipes that he kept in his drawer and easily cleans himself up, a hum leaving his throat as he throws away the dirty wipe.

when he’s done and fully dressed again, renjun sighs deep into the air of his quiet room. did he really just get off to the thought of you? he feels guilt sink into his bones, a sudden shyness overcoming him at the thought of having to face you again after literally jerking off while thinking of you.

renjun rolls over onto his side, grabbing his covers and bundling himself up.

if he thought he was in trouble before, he was really in hell now.

“are you alright?” your voice broke through the once silent air, and renjun jumps in surprise. you pout, looking at him curiously. “what’s wrong?”

renjun shakes his head, looking at you for only half a second. he can’t tell you he jerked off to the thought of you a couple nights ago, it would just be plain out weird. “nothing, just a bit tired, i guess.” renjun stretches his limbs out of nerves.

you nod your head, “wanna get coffee?” you ask, eyes glowing under the sun in the cold weather.

renjun nods, “sure.”

you weren’t actually going to class or anything. in fact, it was the weekend. renjun had actually asked to hang out, much to your surprise. you remember going wide eyed at the text, silently freaking out on the inside as you replied to him, telling him you would love to. you didn’t think it was like renjun to act so boldly, but you weren’t really complaining or thinking too much into it. you were starting to like his company anyway.

renjun starts the car back up again after sitting in your driveway for some time, trying to decide what to do. you had only giggled when he told you that he didn’t really have anything planned, and told him to turn the car off while the two of you figured it out. that was when you noticed him spacing out and asked if he was alright.

“have you been working at the diner?” renjun asks casually, sparking up a conversation.

you nod, “yeah, i had a shift yesterday with jeno. i always get shifts with him.”

“who plans the shifts?” renjun turns the wheel with one hand, and you watch him closely from where you sat.

“jeno normally if his parents don’t,” you look at his hand that’s resting on the gear shift, “which is typically always.”

renjun nods his head, thoughtfully processing your words, “do you help him?”

“sometimes,” you shrug, “i’m normally always around him, but he tends to do the hard work himself.”

he hums, “wasn’t expecting that from jeno, in all honesty.” renjun chuckles, and you laugh along with him. his laugh was too pretty to ignore.

“me neither,” you can’t seem to pry your eyes away from renjun. he was handsome, too good looking for his own good. “but he’s actually really smart.”

“he is,” renjun agrees, “i see the way he works in class and when we’re doing our project. he’s actually really intelligent.. just a bit lazy, maybe.”

you laugh again, “he can be.” you pause, “do you work?”

he shakes his head, “i don’t.” renjun hesitates on continuing, “my parents are.. wealthy, i guess. they make sure to look after me.”

you nod, “that’s good. i’m sure it’s less stressful then?”

renjun shrugs, “it’s a bit boring, but i know i’m lucky to have what i got.”

everyone where you live are at least a little bit wealthy, if not stinking rich. you used to envy everyone who has caring enough parents to share their money, but you found you actually prefer doing things on your own without the help of your parents. sometimes you did wish they cared, though.

“we’re here,” renjun puts your thoughts to a stop as he parks the car at the cafe. you watch as he removes the keys from the ignition, giving you a sweet smile. renjun couldn’t stop himself from thinking about kissing you when you smiled back.

when the two of you order, you find yourself standing just a bit closer to renjun. he pays for your drink before you can object, and you give him a pout and a frown. renjun just smiles again, grinning like he won a prize. to your surprise, renjun ruffles your head and gazes cutely at you.

“hey!” you exclaim, looking at him with surprise and fake anger.

renjun shakes his head, laughing sweetly, “you’re too cute.”

you feel your body heating up in embarrassment, the words flowing out of his mouth too easily. his tone was adoring, and you actually ended up liking it. renjun’s playful side was growing onto you.

as you grab your drinks, renjun leads you back out into the car, “this was a bit boring.. sorry.”

you shake your head, “don’t be sorry. i’m actually having fun.” and you weren’t lying. you were really enjoying his presence.

“we can go back to my place, or something?” renjun suggests, giving you a curious look. “hang out there.”

you feel your stomach twist, “sure.. yeah, we can do that.”

“it’s alright if-”

“i don’t mind,” you quickly interrupt, “i want to. i wanna see what the inside of your apartment looks like.”

renjun nods, before reversing and driving off. he drives with ease, and you wonder how he can look so good even while doing something so simple as driving. renjun could say the same thing about as you take a sip of your coffee. you were so stunning in renjun’s eyes, and he adored the way you blew on your hot coffee before taking a quick sip. it was endearing, and you barely did anything.

“do you live alone?” you ask.

“i do,” renjun confirms, “i have my own place.”

“do you live near your parents, or..?” you tilt your head in curiosity.

he shakes his head, “no, they don’t live around here. they’re about 4 hours northwest from here by car.”

“oh,” you aren’t sure of what to say, “do you see them often?” you felt as if you were prying too much, “sorry for all the questions, you don’t have to answer them all or anything.”

renjun laughs lightly, the sound a bit airy, “i don’t mind, and no, i don’t see them often. i get a call or text every now and then, though.”

you shift in your seat beside him, “at least they keep in touch, right?”

he nods, “yeah, i’m grateful for it.”

the car falls silent for a few minutes, and you’re not sure what else to talk about. but you find the silence to be more comfortable than not, and that relieves you. you take the time to admire the way his fingers tap against the steering wheel, the way his jaw ticks every so often to look around when he turns, the way he licks his lips every now and then. renjun was inviting, at the very least. and you liked the way he brought a soft touch of comfort around you. renjun could absolutely say the same about you.

renjun was consumed by you, once again. and he was suddenly aware of the fact that he was genuinely just hanging out with you, no professions in the way or jeno being there. as much as renjun liked jeno, he also really liked you. and he was truly happy to get to spend this kind of time with you. he was especially happy at the fact that you said you would hang out with him, and here you were. he wasn’t planning on wasting this time with you.

as renjun pulls into the parking garage of his apartment building, he sees the way you look around curiously. “this isn’t a normal apartment complex.” you hum in thought.

renjun chuckles out of embarrassment, “i live in a penthouse.”

your eyes go wide as you whip your head towards his direction, “what?!”

“yeah,” renjun says lowly, parking his car in his designated spot. “that’s why it’s excessively large.”

you sit back in your seat, whistling below your breath, “wow, that’s impressive.”

renjun rolls his eyes, “let’s go.” but there’s a small smile on his face, looking at you playfully.

your eyes beam as you eagerly jump out of the car, him following after you. he likes the excited look on your face as he leads you towards the inside, not without swiping his card key to get in, though. you watch in detail as he holds the door open for you, letting you go in first. you say a small ‘thank you’, and he simply smiles at you.

renjun finds his hand itching to hold yours as the two of you walk towards the elevators. but he stops himself from doing so, thinking it might be a bit too forward. you were just hanging out, and he really wasn’t expecting anything to come out of it.

“what floor are you on?” you ask while waiting for the elevator.

renjun messes with his hair a bit out of nerves, “twelfth.” he says gingerly, taking a look at you as your mouth flies open.

your eyes turn wide, “that’s so high.” you hear a ping as the elevator doors open and two people walk out with a sweet smile as you both walk in. you ease into the elevator as he presses his floor number, and inserts a key into the elevator. you hum in thought to yourself, remembering suddenly that he lives in an actual penthouse. how rich was he?

as renjun finally gets the key to work, leaning back with a satisfied smile. renjun finds himself admiring you as you both stand in the enclosed space. he may not have been just as close as he was to you in his car, but he was still close. you were looking curiously around the elevator, like you’ve never been in one before. and he actually found it quite endearing. your eyes were glossy and wide, the light reflecting onto them and making stars shine in your eyes. you were a sight for sore eyes.

as the elevator dings open again, you’re greeted with a large living space, making you lowly whistle, “wheww,” you start, “this is impressive as hell.” you look around, and find that his decorations are very minimal. his place doesn’t exactly have a home feeling, but you figured he just liked having a clean area.

renjun shuffles on his feet nervously, “thanks.” he sounded shy, almost, making you turn your head towards him.

“sorry,” you mutter out, looking around and walking towards the large windows that show the city below, “i’ve just never really been inside a penthouse before.”

renjun shakes his head, following after you and watching the people walk by, “don’t be sorry. i’m glad you like it.” he smiles.

you can’t stop the small grin that forms on your lips at the sight of him when you turn your head again to watch him look below, “i do like it.” you find yourself lingering your gaze on him, making his heart speed up as his eyes stare back into yours. it was a slow moment, maybe long awaited. but your eyes went down towards his lips for a brief second, and this time he caught you.

renjun feels his palms turning sweaty and his head becoming full. he’s not sure what to do, keeping his eyes on you and nervously scanning your expressions. you were breathtaking, and he couldn’t pry his eyes away from you. everything you did, he became enraptured by. you were captivating to him, and he couldn’t tear this moment to pieces. you were looking at him, and he found that to be enough.

“renjun,” you spoke his name, and he could feel his heart beating right out of his chest once again.

“yeah?” he gruffly asks, looking at you with expectant eyes.

you step closer to him, and renjun doesn’t move. he desperately wanted to know what you were thinking, what you were planning on doing. everything about this moment was overwhelming to him, and he found himself licking his lips unconsciously. your eyes flitter to his lips again, watching his tongue poke out to wet his lips. you weren’t exactly sure what you were thinking, or what he was thinking. but you had a sudden urge to kiss him. you shouldn’t feel this way, and maybe you shouldn’t even be at his place, but you kept playing with your heart instead of your head. renjun was doing the same.

when you stand in front of him, renjun can smell you and feel your warmth. you can feel the same, his cologne taking up your brain. you felt intoxicated, and renjun certainly felt the same.

“do you want to kiss me?” you tilt your head, refusing to close the distance between the two of you without asking first. you had to make sure you weren’t making this all up in your head. that he really wanted it, too.

renjun’s quick to nod his head, eager eyes looking into yours, “yeah, i really do.” his voice is low, barely above a whisper as he speaks into the silent air. you can both feel the tension pulling at one another.

you raise a hand, hesitantly pressing your palm to his cheek as your other hand goes to his hair. he can feel how cold your hands were, but he didn’t exactly care. you were so irresistibly close, and he had you alone for once. he had you to himself, and that was all he could really think about. you. you were his entire mind recently, and it drove him up the wall.

“you can put your hands on me,” you say softly, your nose almost touching his. renjun was suddenly aware of how close you were, looking into your eyes before flickering towards your lips. he could easily kiss you, close the distance and claim you for himself. but he doesn’t, waiting on you to give him the signal.

he places his hands on your waist, and you like the way his hands fit perfectly on you. you can’t find self control anymore, finally leaning in and crashing your lips onto his. renjun swears he’s in heaven, and your lips were so fucking soft. he kisses you slowly, trying not to seem too eager or rush into it too much. you can feel his fingertips dig into your skin with ease as you kiss him, and you like the way he fits so well against you. pressing your chest to his, tugging at the ends of his hair, holding his face in one of your palms. renjun could feel his world dissipate. you were turning into his world in a matter of seconds, in a matter of minutes.

kissing renjun was soft, caring, gentle. it wasn’t rough or aggressive or rushing. it was what every romantic wish they had. you eased into his hold more and more, the kiss turning a little more sloppy as you feel him swipe his tongue on your bottom lip. you grant him access, no doubt. renjun can feel your thumb stroking his cheek and your hands tighten in his hair as his tongue slides in your mouth. it wasn’t a clash of teeth and tongue, it was smooth and slow. renjun definitely knew how to kiss. he tasted of coffee, and you were sure you did, too. it wasn’t unpleasant, though. maybe it was because it was renjun, but you actually liked it.

renjun wraps his arms completely around your middle, tugging you closer and making you groan against his lips. renjun’s ears perk up at the sound, a smile making its way onto his face. you can feel the grin on his lips, making you pull apart and smile back at him. you giggle as he gives you a goofy look, his smile reaching his eyes. renjun found you so beautiful from where you stood, and he found you even more charming standing in his arms.

renjun’s lips were slightly puffy, a little bit pink and wet. you give him a quick peck, making renjun lean in further to kiss you again. you let him for the time being, before pulling apart and letting out a loud laugh, throwing your head back in glee. renjun admires you, feeling the vibrations in your chest rumble against his own from how close you were and how tight he was holding you. he liked being so close to you.

“i have to use the bathroom, renjun.” your voice was so pretty.

he nods his head, slowly letting you go and holding your hand, “i’ll show you where it is.”

you finally take the time to admire the whole entire place, eyes scanning around the rooms as he leads you up the stairs. it was plain, but beautiful. simplicity at its finest.

“down there, to the right,” renjun instructs, “i’ll be downstairs waiting.” renjun kisses you on the cheek, and you like the soft gesture.

as you finish using the bathroom, you feel a buzz in your back pocket. you frown as you see it’s jeno saying to call you quickly. “jeno?” you call him, and you hear him sigh on the other end.

“are you at renjun’s?” you can hear the hurried hush in his voice, making you furrow your eyebrows.

“yeah? i told you-”

“yeri placed a bet.” jeno pauses, and you can hear him rummaging around for something, “she placed a bet that renjun would fall in love with you within the next month after she broke up with him.”

you feel your heart sink, looking around and feeling your body tense up, “what the fuck?”

“not even the worst part,” you can hear jeno adjusting himself in his seat, “she said you would break his heart and he would come running back to her in the end.”

“so,” you clear your throat, trying your best to whisper, “she broke up with him for a bet?”

“seems that way.”

you don’t want renjun to find out. it would definitely shatter him, and take the both of you a million steps back. for fuck sake, you just finished eating his face. you huff, your head suddenly feeling full and heavy. how were you supposed to go about this? what the hell were you supposed to do?

“what the fuck am i gonna do?” you lean back against the sink, crossing one of your arms over your chest as you hold the phone close to your ear. “i just kissed him, jeno.”

“renjun?” jeno asks.

you roll your eyes, “no, jeno. someone else.” sarcasm drips from your tone, “yes, idiot! renjun!”

jeno scoffs, “don’t be rude.”

“how did you even find out?” you quickly look at the time, and realize you’ve been in the bathroom for way too long. “i have to go soon.”

jeno quickly answers, “heard her talking about it on campus the other day. i’ve been meaning to talk to you about it for a little while now, i just haven’t found the right time.”

“and right now was?” you ask incredulously, “look, i have to go. i’ll talk more after i leave.”

“okay, see you later.” jeno hangs up, and you run a hand over your face.

you quickly walk out, heading down the stairs and seeing renjun on the couch, phone in hand. you could feel your nerves run high again at the sight of him, and you were suddenly aware of how your friendship took a fast turn. you were happy of the situation not too long ago, and now you were cursing yourself for letting yeri start to win her little bet. it was unknown to you previously, but you hated that you unknowingly were letting her win. she doesn’t deserve renjun. but did you?

“hey, i was starting to get worried,” renjun greeted you, and you let out an airy laugh, faking it.

“i’m fine, i was just trying to make myself more presentable.” you watch as renjun gets up from his seat, walking towards you. you almost think he’s going to kiss you again, but he doesn’t. and you’re relieved, in an odd way. you really weren’t sure how to deal with all of this.

“you always look pretty,” he compliments.

you feel yourself melt, despite the circumstances that he was unaware of, “thank you, renjun.”

he nods, a bright smile on his face once again, “of course, i mean it.”

you’re suddenly aware of the time, shuffling on your feet, “i should probably head home now. i have another quiz i should be studying for.”

renjun nods his head, placing his hands in his pockets, “let’s get you home, then.”

you’re grateful for the ride back, but all you can really think of the whole time was there was a bet being placed over renjun’s head that he was terribly unaware of. but you knew. and you were incredibly unsure how you would even begin to explain something like that.

what the hell were you supposed to do?

your eyes were frantic, looking around the room as your eyes land onto a specific female. you could feel the anger in your bones as you approached where she sat at the cafe on campus. you desperately wanted to rip her a new one, but decided against it due to the public setting. you still cared about your education, despite being extremely upset.

you see as yeri’s eyes shoot up with a surprised look when you slam your hand onto the table in front of her. sliding the money towards her, you give her a sharp look, “take your fucking money back.”

yeri scoffs, “what are you on about?”

“i don’t need your dirty money, yeri.” you were seething, seeing red as you remove your hand from the table, the money now on her side.

yeri looks between you and the money, before raising an eyebrow, “i don’t need it either. you probably need it more than me anyway.”

you want to shout at her, call her a horrible person and give her all of your anger. but the longer you stood, the more you were wondering if she was even worth wasting your energy on. you take a deep breath, trying to cool down and civilly handle this. it wasn’t in your plans to have a calm conversation with her, but it also wasn’t your plan to slap her. why were you feeling so defensive over renjun? you shouldn’t have. you were the one to accept the deal in the first place.

“you placed a bet between me and renjun,” you start, eyes narrowing, “i don’t like when people have my name in their mouths without me knowing.”

yeri’s quiet for a few moments, gather the pieces as she eyes the money in front of her. she rolls her eyes in the end, “you really know how to ruin the fun, don’t you?”

you scoff at her this time, “you’re fucking sick.”

“it was a harmless bet-”

“one that made you break up with renjun. it’s not harmless if it hurts someone. that’s when it becomes harmful,” you had vile seeping through your voice, “who the hell breaks up with someone for a bet?”

yeri sips her drink, “it’s not like he’s your boyfriend or anything. is he not?”

you snarl, “no, he’s not. but it doesn’t matter. you don’t do that to a person. what are you going to do when he finds out?”

she raises an eyebrow, “you’re telling him?” she watches as you roll your eyes at her, “i’ll tell him you’re lying. who’s he going to believe? someone he’s known for years, or someone he just met?” she tilts her head, looking you with a sinister smile. it makes you sick to your stomach just looking at her.

you stand in defeat, unable to really think of a reason why he wouldn’t believe her over you. you would like to think he would believe you, but you see the reality out of the situation above all. it was disheartening, and you hated how she was able to get away with it.

“you’re going to lose your bet,” you mutter.

“we’ll see.” she checks the time, before getting up with a smile. “i have to go, but take care of renjun while you have him. he’s a sweet guy.”

you want to hit her. scream at her and call her a sick person. but you don’t. you stand still, and let the reality of the situation sink in. you felt hopeless and lost. you weren’t sure where to go with all of this, and you wondered what else she had up her sleeve.

this was an unexpected turn in events.

“what the fuck do i do, jeno?” you groan, head in hands as you sit at his dining table.

jeno sips on his drink, handing you your own tea to comfort you, “that sounds like a fucked situation.”

you scoff, “didn’t notice, thanks.”

jeno licks his lips and rolls his eyes, “i don’t know, dude. i wasn’t expecting this kind of result, in all honesty.” he pauses, “is she still on for the bet?”

“i think so,” you raise your head to look at him, and he has a concerned look on his face. “i told her she’d lose and she said ‘we’ll see’.” you mock her voice, making jeno let out a chuckle.

“she might have something to make sure she does win,” he leans his chin in his hand, elbow on the table, “don’t know what, though.”

“i thought so, too.” you take a sip of the tea jeno made you. “thank you, by the way. for comforting me.”

he nods his head, smiling sweetly at you, “of course, anytime. i have to be there for you, don’t i? i think you’d throw a fit if i wasn’t.”

you hum, agreeing with him, “yeah, you’re right.”

he laughs, “i knew it.” there’s a pause before he continues talking, “just keep everything like normal. you like him, don’t you?”

you slowly nod your head, “i think so, yeah.”

jeno nods back, “then see where it goes. yeri shouldn’t have to control your love life, or renjun’s. it’s unfair and sick, to be honest.”

you lean back into your seat, hands on your mug of tea to warm you up, “i’ll try.” you say in a quiet voice, and jeno notices your uncertainty.

he press a hand to your shoulder, giving you big comforting eyes, “it’ll be alright. i’ve got your back if it all goes wrong.”

you realize that, even if it does go downhill, you’ll always have jeno right there to help pick everything back up. “thank you.” you were sincere.

he smiles brightly,��“wow, i’m fucking great at this whole friendship thing.” jeno boasts in his seat, whistling lowly as if to admire himself.

you roll your eyes, taking a large drink of your tea, “you’re so annoying.”

“you wouldn’t have me any other way,” he grins, eyes sparkling at you.

“mhm,” you hum, and jeno laughs loudly.

although you were in a messy situation, jeno always managed to help make it just a bit lighter and easier. you didn’t have as many worries as before, and you were completely grateful for it. you could get stuck in your head at times, and jeno knew this. it was a given that he knew everything about you, and especially knew how to comfort you in dire times.

you decided by the end of the night, you were going to continue like normal with renjun. you really did like him, and you were going to be damned if you let yeri get in the way.

you’re not sure how everything moved so quickly and easily with renjun.

over the next two weeks after confronting yeri, you became closer and closer to renjun. of course, there was that underlying fear of losing him over something yeri might do to tarnish your ‘relationship’ with renjun, but it all floats out of your head the minute he kisses you. you feel guilty every time you head home, though. every night, you have a strong urge to call him, tell him everything. but you were selfish. selfish, and you didn’t want to let go of him just yet. you were holding too tightly onto him, and it slowly ate you up along the way. you were in danger when it came to renjun, but you never felt so safe around anyone else the way you did with him. you were truly lost.

“are we..” renjun gasps when you bite into the flesh of his neck, leaving his skin just lightly marked with your kisses, “are we moving too.. fast?” his voice fades when you run your fingers through his hair, kissing him on the lips again to hush him.

maybe you were moving too fast, sitting in his lap and kissing him like he was your air. but you really liked how warm he felt against you, how close he was. you were cherishing these types of moments with him, and you weren’t going to let him out of your grasp just yet. you liked kissing him, tasting the warm coffee on his tongue as he silently asks for permission to enter your mouth. he was a sensual kisser, never taking it a step further. you wanted more, though. you desperately wanted more.

“are we?” you lean back, seeing how his ears were slightly tinged pink, his lips swollen and spit trailing along them. you lick your own lips, waiting for his answer. you can feel the hands on your hips tighten, his eyes looking up at you with shine in them. he was absolutely gorgeous.

renjun clears his throat, “i don’t know..” he trails off, looking out the window for a brief second, pondering in his head. “do you think we are?” renjun shudders when you drag your nails along his scalp, and you grin at him coyly.

you shake your head, “no, but we won’t do anything you don’t want to.”

“we won’t do anything you don’t want to, either.” so polite. he was so respectful of you and your boundaries, making your heart pick up speed the longer you looked at him. he was making you nervous, but in a good way.

you don’t say anything else, leaning back down to kiss him again. this was something the both of you were familiar with, but you were growing restless. the moment you start to roll your hips down into his, he lets out a quiet gasp, opening his mouth wider for you. you smile, trailing your kisses down his jaw and neck again. renjun runs one of his hands down to your thigh, squeezing tightly and making you lightly whine into the junction of his neck.

you can feel his lips against your ear, “you’re so cute.” his voice was comforting, soft. he squeezes your thigh again, trailing his hand up more towards the direction of your core. you were wearing comfortable and loose shorts. he could easily slip his hand into the leg of the shorts and touch you. you feel his hand inch closer and closer until it rests on the inner part of your thigh.

you lean back again, panting as your eyes glaze over, “please?” you sound breathless already, and it makes renjun’s head spin.

“you want me to touch you?”

you nod.

renjun’s mouth quirks into a smirk, a soft chuckle leaving him, “you’re too cute.” he pauses, his thumb rubbing circles into your skin, so close to your heat. “take your shorts off.”

you’re quick to oblige, getting off his lap and slipping them off. you’re about to straddle him again, but then he stops you, turning you around before sitting you between his legs. you can feel how warm his chest is against your back, and you sink into his hold. renjun rests his head on your shoulder, placing a kiss there. you let out a shaky sigh when you feel his hands return to your thighs. he spreads you open more, opening his own legs so you sit comfortably. you can feel slick running down into your panties, the cold air making you shiver.

although renjun would love to hear you beg, he decides to save it for another day. he trails his hand close to your panties, playing around with the band before slipping his fingers inside to feel just how wet you are.

“renjun,” you whine out, your hands going to grasp onto his own thighs.

“you’re soaked, baby.” he kisses behind your ear before resting his chin on your shoulder, looking down to where he was touching you. you were so wet and slick, his fingers playing around your clit and circling around your entrance.

the little sound you let out at the nickname makes renjun lose his mind. you sounded so heavenly, even better than his fantasies. this was so much fucking better than anything he could ever even dream of.

“for you,” you gasp when he presses his fingers against your clit, rubbing you just light enough so you could feel it. it sends tingles down your spine.

“hm?” renjun tilts his head, looking at your face and making out the slight crinkle in your brows.

“wet for you,” you squirm in his hold, “only for you.”

renjun feels goosebumps raise on his skin at your words, the tone in your voice sounding needy and out of touch. “fuck.” he groans, pressing harder into your clit and rubbing quicker, making you let out a surprised yelp, straightening your back up and dropping your mouth open at the feeling. “you’re good for me, aren’t you?”

you nod your head as quickly as you could, pleasing renjun, “good for you. i’m good for you.” you whine, “please finger me, wanna be filled.”

renjun feels enchanted by you, completely under your spell as he trails his fingers towards your entrance once again, but this time not leaving space for teasing. he shoves two of his long, thin fingers inside of you, making a long moan leave your pretty lips. the way he curls them up as he sets a sweet pace makes you roll your head back onto his shoulder, eyes shutting closed. renjun feels your thighs start to tremble a bit, and his other hand makes work to hold onto one of your thighs, making sure you keep your legs open for him. he can feel his cock starting to twitch inside his pants, begging to be released by now. the noises you were making and the way you would buck your hips up into his hand were making him impossibly hard by now.

when renjun speeds up the pace of his fingers, you feel yourself start to crumble in his close hold, “so good, feels so good.” your sounds go right in his ear and straight to his groin. “fuck, renjun.”

“you like my fingers inside your pretty pussy, don’t you, baby?” he moves his head so he’s kissing and licking along your neck, making your nails dig deeper into the meat of his thighs. “i can feel just how tight and warm you are. been thinking about this for awhile now.”

his words were making you wetter and wetter, indefinitely soaking his fingers as he worked you towards your orgasm, “r- renjun. ohh, fuck.” your voice was a bit broken, little whines escaping you and growing louder as he started to ram his fingers in and out of you. you could hear just how slick you were with every curl of his fingers. when he moves his other hand to press against your swollen clit, you lose yourself in the hold of him. “g- gonna..”

“already?” he taunts you, biting into the flesh of your skin and making you gasp again, “such a sensitive baby. you wanna cum on my fingers? coat them in your cum and make a mess?”

you nod, desperate to have a taste of euphoria, “please, please. wanna cum on your fingers, wanna cum for you.”

“you’ve been good, haven’t you, princess?” he asks, pressing harder into your clit as a warning when all he gets back is a long moan. “answer me.”

“yes, yes. i’ve been so good for you, renjun. please let me cum, please.” you sounded meek, small, cute. he couldn’t seem to deny you any longer, he was just too enamored by you.

“cum for me, baby. my messy, pretty girl.”

at his command, you arch your back away from his chest, your shirt sticking to your sweaty skin as you fall apart in his hold. he can feel the fluttering of your walls as you cum, the cries of his name slipping so beautifully from your throat and into the air. you smell so sweet, like apricots and honey and he can’t get enough of you, he decides. renjun rides out your high, watching the way you buck into his hand every now and then, trying to prolong the feeling for as long as you can. he finds you irresistible, absolutely stunning as you come down from your high.

“my good girl,” he leaves praising kisses and words into your skin, making your head feel light as you gasp for air. when he slips his fingers out of you, you grab his wrist quickly to place his fingers into your mouth, moaning at the taste of yourself. “holy fuck.” he breathes, watching as you swirl your tongue around his fingers. “you’re dirty, aren’t you, baby? you just love being filled whole.”

you nod, humming around his fingers. when he slides them out of your mouth, he’s quick to grab your face in his hands and kiss you eagerly. his tongue greedily invades your mouth, much to your pleasure. he can taste you on your own tongue, making him groan. you were as sweet as he imagined, maybe even sweeter.

“i really like you,” he mutters against your lips, making you giggle breathlessly.

“i really like you, too.” you stare into his eyes, before lightly biting your lip, “do you want me to jerk you off? i can feel your boner poking my ass.”

renjun lets out a loud laugh, throwing his head back, “if you want, but you don’t-”

you shake your head, already moving to sit beside him and unbuckling his pants, “i want to touch you. you made me feel good, i wanna make you feel good, too.”

renjun turns serious suddenly, reaching up to place a hand on your cheek and rubbing his thumb in circular motions, “you’re just too precious, too good for me.”

you shake your head, a smile gracing your lips as he drops his hand back to his side. he watches as you quickly pull him out of his pants and boxers, making you lick your lips. he was a lot thicker and a lot longer than you thought he would be. he looked so dainty, but he was definitely packing.

when your hand encases around his girth, renjun relaxes against the back of the couch, hands flat against the sofa. he watches your hand intently as you start to stroke him slowly. he sighs, mouth slightly agape. he likes the way your hand feels so small compared to his own, making you grasp him just a bit tighter. he shudders when you rub your thumb along his tip, collecting his precum that started to leak out. when you lean down and spit onto his length, he lets out a throaty groan at the action. it felt so messy, but so good. he could hear it become more slick along his dick, he could feel it.

when you sped up the pace of your hand, he gasps, “fuck.” he shifts in his seat, his fingers starting to dig into the fabric of the couch. even if it was just your hand, it still felt so good for him. everything you did in general set him off, so he wasn’t surprised by the sensitivity he got from just the jerk of your hand.

the groans he let out were so heavenly and rung in your ears, you desperately wanted to make him cum, watch him fall apart the same he did to you. with every stroke of your hand, you would thumb at his tip and swipe over it. you could hear the wetness on his cock, making you unconsciously press your thighs together in your seat. renjun caught the act, making him look over at you and tear his eyes away from your small hand on his member. his eyes were dark, eyeing you specifically and taking in your figure beside him. you were so close to him, he could almost feel your breath on his neck. when he raises his hips up in time with your hand, you let out a little whine. he smirks over at you, tilting his head mockingly.

“you like watching me fuck your fist?” he questions, watching you rub your thighs together again. he laughs breathily, thrusting up again and again until he created an easy pace. he could feel himself starting to build up to his orgasm, incredibly sensitive from being hard for a good bit of time before getting his own release. he could almost taste it for how close he was.

“wanna make you cum,” you look at him eagerly, licking your lips and leaning closer to his face.

renjun leans in, pressing his lips to yours hungrily, and it’s nothing like his previously soft kisses. this one is more aggressive, more demanding. and it makes you ache, desperately wanting him to fill you and feel close to him. you were so close to begging for him.

“wanna ride me, baby?” he asks, pulling apart from you and watching you closely. it wasn’t like you to immediately hook up with someone after only knowing them for a short amount of time, but you were trusting of renjun. too trusting, maybe.

“please?” you run your thumb along his slit, making him groan, “you can fill me up, too. fill me with your cum.”

renjun growls at that, shoving your hand away and eagerly pulling you on top of him. he’s quick to remove your shirt and snap your bra off, feeling it fall down your shoulders as he throws it onto the floor. he sees you bare, the only thing on you are your panties. you whine and tug at his shirt, making him chuckle with a shake of his head as he takes it off for you. you run your hands smoothly down his chest, before resting them on his shoulders and raising yourself up. renjun grabs hold of his dick, lining himself up with your entrance and pushing your panties to the side.

“are you sure?” he asks, looking at you cautiously, his lust driven eyes disappearing. you only let out a quiet whine and a nod of your head before sinking down on him without warning. he gasps, hands immediately clutching onto your hips as tightly as he could. “jesus fuck, you’re so.. tight.” he groans, your heat engulfing him whole. he can feel his whole entire body heating up, feeling as you take him.

you start to move almost instantly, “so.. so full. feel so full.” you stutter, nails digging into the skin of his shoulders, surely leaving marks there. “your cock feels so good inside me, renjun.”

“yeah?” he asks, looking at you with dark and heavy eyes, “you like my cock fucking you open?” he takes you by surprise when he thrusts his hips upwards, “you’re so wet and tight. i can feel your little cunt gripping me.”

you whimper and whine at his words, starting to claw at his skin as you ride him more eagerly, his cock dragging along your walls so deliciously, “renjun, fuck.. renjun.”

“i love the way you say my name, baby.” he stills your hips, making you whine again desperately, “don’t worry, princess. i’m gonna fuck you.”

and that he does. his fingers are digging so harshly into your skin as he starts to fuck into you with abandon, your mouth hanging open and your eyes rolling into the back of your head. he watches the way you throw your head back, his cock stretching you out and hitting just the right spot with each stroke. he feels pride swell in his chest from having you fall apart from just his cock alone. he quickly reaches a hand down to your clit, though, wanting you to feel as good as possible. he feels the way your walls flutter around his cock, tightening even more and making him hiss at the feeling.

“gonna cum on my cock, baby?” he licks his lips, watching as you nod your head and let out more stutters of his name. “i wanna feel you cum all over my dick, coat my cock in your cum. you deserve it, baby. you deserve to cum. you’ve been such a good girl, my good little princess.”

you cry out a choked sob, leaning down and resting your head in his neck, “g- gonna.. fuck.. gonna cum, renjun.” your walls were clamping so tightly around him, sputtering around his cock and making his thrusts start to stutter and become sloppier. he could feel the fabric of your panties rub against his cock with each thrust, making him groan. you could tell he was just as close as you, and you bite down onto his shoulder as your hands trail back to his hair. you tug at the strands, your nails digging into his scalp while his own dig into the flesh of your hips. it all feels so good, and you were so, so close.

“cum, baby. cum all over my cock. show me how good you are.”

with one last press of his fingers against your clit and one last hard thrust into your cunt, you fall apart. your pussy was sporadically clenching around him, triggering his release right after yours. the feeling of his cum filling you up makes you shudder, a shiver running down your spine as he trails a hand along your back, riding out your highs together. you buck your hips into him as you come down, letting out a soft whine. you feel so good, so light and comfortable in his arms. renjun holds you close, wrapping both of his arms around you and pressing your chest against his.

he found himself lucky that night, holding you as close as possible. when he cleaned the both of you up and gave you some of his clothes, he grins to himself. you were wearing his clothes this time.

“why are you staring like that?” you scrunch your nose up, looking at him weirdly.

he shakes his head, walking towards you where you lay on his bed and hovering above you. he presses his lips to yours, “you’re wearing my clothes. it’s cute.”

you can’t stop from placing your hands on his cheeks, watching as his hair falls and frames his face, “they’re cozy.”

renjun places himself next to you, quickly reaching out for you and holding you close to him, “you’re cozy.” he mutters tiredly, letting out a soft yawn.

you shake your head with a soft giggle, pressing a kiss to his nose before snuggling into him and letting him drift off to sleep. it was so nice being so close to renjun, and you were starting to become terrified of losing this feeling. you were unsure of what the future were to bring, but you only hoped it wasn’t bad.

if only you weren’t so naive.

you could feel your heart drop right down into your stomach as you stood there. in your work clothes, eyes wide, body temperature turning cold. you felt frustrations rise, and your mind started to run a million miles per hour. a lump formed in your throat as you watch renjun talk to yeri on the sidewalk in front of your work. he was quite a few feet away, so you assumed neither of them saw you. but you soon realized you were wrong. yeri knew you were looking, and the thought itself made you sick.

you stand at the entrance doors of your work, seeing the sickeningly sweet smile on yeri’s face as she exchanges words with renjun. you had no idea what she was saying to him, nor did you know why they both were there. but you hated the mere thought of him being near her now, and you especially hated that she possibly had a greater advantage to the situation.

“hey, you okay?” you hear a familiar voice, making you whip your head for a split second and see a certain dark haired boy.

“yeri’s talking to renjun,” you say simply, and you see the shock on jeno’s face before he looks in the direction you can’t seem to take your eyes off of.

“oh shit,” he mumbles under his breath, and the sound doesn’t ease your mind in the slightest. “do you know why?”

you shake your head, “no. i was just about to head inside before i saw them on the sidewalk talking.”

jeno shifts where he stands, “i don’t know what they’re talking about, and neither do you. but we can’t just assume it’s completely bad and what we think it’s about, alright?” jeno moves to unlock the diner doors, pulling out his key, “don’t mention it to him, or anything. not until if he’s ready.”

you reluctantly look away and start to head inside before renjun catches you staring, “right..”

“renjun didn’t seem to look very interested in what she had to say anyway,” jeno snorts out a laugh, and you appreciate the mood lightener he created.

you place a soft, small smile on your lips and try your hardest not to think of it. yeri could ruin everything between you and renjun so easily, and you’re starting to think she likes having that kind of power over you. you don’t think she would easily give that away, but you were also very unsure how she would play all of this out. it was only a matter of time before she came in and shattered the both of you and got her way, but you were hanging onto whatever you could. and maybe it was a toxic way of living, but you couldn’t seem to let go of him just yet. you were terrified of the ending, but you would do anything to keep him.

shaking your head, you start to organize the tables and wipe them down before customers start to roll in. and the shift went by quicker than you imagined, but your head still felt fuzzy and all over the place. jeno could obviously tell, but did his best to not bother you.

“if it’s bothering you this much, y/n,” he pauses, swallowing hard as he locks the diner doors behind the both of you, “maybe you should tell him everything. the bet, yeri, everything. i hate seeing you so stressed out, especially over a guy and some girl who is tearing you apart over some kind of blackmail bullshit.” he pauses, letting out a sigh, “i want what’s best for you. and i know that this,” he gestures with his hands, “isn’t what’s best for you.”

there’s a long, long pause after what he says. and you have nothing left in you to keep fighting, it seems. you want to make up excuse after excuse as to why you can’t tell him. and maybe you could come up with a few, but you knew for a fact that he was right. and it was earth shattering for you, having to come back down to reality after getting to spend so much time with renjun over the past month. you could feel your throat closing, eyes welling up under the soft streetlight.

“in the end,” he continues, “everything depends on you and how you handle it. i’m not you, and i can’t make your decisions for you. but i know i can be there for whatever you do choose. it’s obviously not an easy choice, and i won’t be able to blame you for whatever you do decide to do about this whole thing. it’s a huge shit show, if you ask me.” jeno scoffs bitterly. “but you’ll be alright. no matter what, you’ll be alright.”

you huff, unable to find it in yourself to respond as you start to consume yourself in your own thoughts. jeno bids you a soft and quick goodbye before heading his own way home and wishing you luck. you only nod your head and make your travels back to your apartment. it feels longer than usual, and you can hear your heart in beating in your head. nothing is how it used to be, and you start to realize you haven’t taken a break up job since renjun came into your life.

when you reach your apartment, you quickly change and sink into your bed. you were mixed in emotions. should you be angry? should you be crying? should you be frustrated? you weren’t sure. nothing was sure anymore, and the harsh reality of everything not being set in stone was crashing down on you. renjun wasn’t set in stone, and you could only have him for a certain amount of time before he leaves and yeri decides to take him away from you. there wasn’t exactly any winning here. even if he does believe you, he’s most likely to be hurt by the fact you kept everything from him for so long and never told him.

your heart sinks further, and you nuzzle deeper into your sheets.

“this is unfair, so fucking unfair.” you whisper in the night, in hopes someone is listening to your plea. but you know you’re alone, and you know this whole situation is all on you. you took the money, you agreed to yeri’s terms, you broke up renjun and yeri, you got closer and closer to him. you chose this. but it still didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less than it did.

you were starting to believe in unforeseen karma.

you haven’t left your apartment in days, it seemed. you took off shifts even and stayed home, much to jeno’s worry. you assured him that you were just preparing for the upcoming exams, and you weren’t exactly lying. but you knew that he knew that wasn’t the only reason for your seclusion. jeno didn’t pester or involve himself, which you were grateful for. you really needed time alone to figure yourself and everything out in the meantime. everything was all a mess, and you weren’t sure how you were going to fix it.

in the time you’ve spent alone, you’ve also seemed to make it a mission to avoid renjun. and although it was tearing you apart, you’ve done your best to focus on your studies. you felt like you were just going through the motions at this point. nothing made sense to you anymore. you heard renjun and jeno got an astounding grade on their project after turning it in just a bit earlier, and you were proud. but you had a hard time expressing it at the time.

when you hear a knock on your door, you immediately assume it’s jeno on his daily checkup to make sure you’re well fed and taking care of yourself. but when you open the door and feel the soft breeze created and see renjun standing there with a confused expression, you feel your heart drop into your stomach. suddenly, you were brought out of your trance-like state of going through the motions and brought right back down to reality. full force. one movement.

you let out a puff of air after realizing you were holding your breath. it was silent. you standing in your apartment doorway, and renjun on the other side in front of you. you stared, and he stared back. it felt like a movie, like everything was standing still and you were stuck in time together. his eyes had bags under them, and you assumed yours did, too. his eyebrows were furrowed, and yours were shot up on your forehead in surprise. you were quick to wipe the shock off your face, and he cleared his throat seconds later.

“you’ve been avoiding me.” he states this with his whole chest, and his confused expression doesn’t leave his face. you feel guilt deep in your bones staring at him. and he feels it.

“i’m sorry,” you croak out, prompting you to clear your own throat this time, “i’ve been trying to study and prepare for exams recently.”

renjun nods, pausing before responding back, “hopefully it’s not stressing you out, or anything.” he can feel the tension in the air, “but i know that’s not the only reason you’re avoiding me.”

you feel a lump in your throat at the statement. you can’t seem to find it in yourself to reply to him. and he knows this. and he can feel you starting to slip away from him again, and it terrifies him like no other. you avoiding him has been complete torture for him, and he hates the thought of you distancing yourself from him so soon. but that’s what frustrates you the most. you hate the thought of hurting him, but you can’t seem to win no matter what path you choose at this point. he was going to inevitably get hurt. and the thought alone made you tense up as he stood in your doorway, the cold breeze hitting the back of his neck as it started to become late fall.

“it’s cold, renjun. you should head home, or something.” you push him away again, and it makes his chest tighten.

“no, not until you tell me why you’re avoiding me.” it’s confusing on his end, because he was really starting to take a strong liking towards you. and he assumed you felt the same way, and he really thought everything was finally turning up on his end. you pushing him away hurt, it really fucking hurt.

you feel the lump in your throat get bigger, and you can’t seem to hold yourself back anymore. your head hurts from the amount of thinking you’ve had to do the past few days. your heart is aching from the thought of hurting him for the second time, the first being breaking him up from yeri. you were overwhelmed, and you were really starting to hate everything at this point. it was unfair, everything was just so unfair.

you move out of the way for renjun to come in, unable to see him stand there shivering anymore. he accepts the invite silently, the warmth of your apartment consuming him. he realizes soon that the place smells exactly like you, and he likes it. it’s comforting, and feels completely safe.

“i saw you talking to yeri,” you start, and renjun whips his head in your direction from where you stand. he’s about to interject, before you raise a hand and continue, “and, no, that’s not why i was avoiding you.” you shift in your spot, starting to feel uncomfortable and heavy. “you don’t deserve the hurt you’ve been through, and you certainly don’t deserve anymore hurt.”

it felt like a breakup. all over again, this felt like a breakup.

“and i hate the thought of hurting you again, but i think i might be doing just that.” again. you said again. “i don’t know what you know, and what you don’t know. and i’m not even sure how to approach a situation like this, but i can’t keep acting like i don’t know. and i can’t keep holding things from you.” you pause, taking a breath, “i shouldn’t have kept anything from you in the first place.”

renjun feels like he’s being poured in cold water as his blood runs cold from where he stands.

“yeri placed a bet on you. and i was completely selfish in trying to keep it from you just to keep you to myself for a bit longer.”

renjun was the game, once again. he can’t seem to speak, or even move. he felt frozen. he wanted to ask you so many questions, he wanted to know so many things. but he couldn’t bring it in himself to just ask. he couldn’t bring it in himself to just move, to just speak, to just figure out what everything even meant at this point.

“the bet. you were supposed to fall in love with me within a month, and she bet that i would end up breaking your heart and you would go back running to her.”

how was any of this real? renjun could finally feel his body starting to feel again, and he could only really feel the anger bubbling in his chest and up his throat.

“why did you keep it from me?” he asks simply, but his mind was raging. he could feel his body turning hot.

“i wasn’t sure you would believe me. it was either her, or me. and i always assumed you would believe her over me.” you pause, throat starting to close up on you, “i wanted you for just a bit longer, and i realize just how selfish it all is now.”

he understands your reasoning, but he hates that you lied to him. he put so much effort into you, but he still feels betrayed. “how long did you know about it?”

the dreadful question, the one that was expected but was still disheartening to hear nonetheless. “three weeks now, almost four.”

everything sinks in for renjun, and he just wishes you would have told him sooner. he wishes he didn’t feel the way he did that very moment. he wishes he wasn’t as angered as he was, wishes he didn’t feel as betrayed as he did. he understands your reason, but it definitely didn’t seem to be enough to forgive you and let it all go. you had three previous weeks to tell him, but didn’t. and the thought alone made him feel sick. he could hear his heart in his head, a headache starting to form. he felt hurt. he was hurt.

renjun, once again, couldn’t find it in himself to talk. but he could move this time, and he chose to go rushing towards your front door. nothing made sense. he couldn’t seem to grasp exactly how he felt, but he knew he had to get out of there one way or another.

“i’m sorry won’t fix anything, but i am sorry. i shouldn’t have let her win.” you quickly let out as he reaches the handle.

“but she did, didn’t she?” and that was it, before renjun went rushing out of your door so abruptly. you didn’t blame him. you couldn’t blame him.

you shouldn’t be crying. you shouldn’t have cried as much as you did that night, but you did. you shouldn’t have kept it from him for so long, but you did. you shouldn’t have gotten so dangerously close to him, but you did.

you soon realize, developing a relationship with someone you tore apart is dangerous.

renjun hasn’t spoken to you in two weeks. and you hate that this is probably, most definitely the end. and you hate the way it all ended, and you soon realize there were so many things you could have done differently, but didn’t. the timing never seemed right with him, and the way he came into your life was so sudden. if in another universe where you played your cards right with him, you assume you’re living happily with him. in a universe where you didn’t meet him at such an odd time, under odd circumstances, you assume the two of you are happy. you hope so, at the very least.

jeno holds you on the nights you can barely stand, and he helps you through heartbreak. two weeks of crying didn’t go unnoticed by jeno, and he held you in the dark. he let you cry it out, he let you scream in his shoulder when you blamed yourself on the endless nights.

you shouldn’t have let yeri win, but you did.

even if renjun didn’t end up going back to her like she planned, she still got the satisfaction of you hurting him. and you were angered by the thought. but you weren’t only angry with her, you were definitely just as pissed with yourself as you were with her.

in the end, you quit your job of breaking other people up. it wasn’t ever supposed to be your responsibility to break other people up, and you know this now. you’ve gotten quite a few requests since renjun, but ignored them all and rejected them. the job quickly turned into hell after renjun, and you swore to never go back to it. fully burying it under was probably your best decision you’ve had in awhile.

jeno states that renjun hasn’t been in class for awhile, and on the days he does show up, he sits as far from everyone as he can. it breaks your heart all over again, and you once again start wishing you never hurt him in the first place.

you drowned yourself in studies as much as you could to distract yourself, but as exams come to an end, you find yourself right back in the empty hole you once were in before. the nights of overthinking and excessive crying never seemed to end, but you assumed you deserved it.

you lay in bed for the millionth time within those past two weeks, staring at your ceiling like usual. but, this time, you’re not crying. not as much, at least. it was edging on almost three weeks now since renjun left. and the pain didn’t lessen, but, in time, things did get easier. waking up didn’t feel as draining as it used to, crying became less and less frequent, and you were finally able to sleep a regular amount rather than sleeping too much or too little.

every night, everything about renjun seems to sink deep into your bones. he left an indent that was definitely not going to ever be forgotten. renjun gave you a lot before he left, and even after he left. and you wonder if renjun will ever forgive you along the way, but you know it’s not you choice. and you certainly don’t blame him if he never does.

you just hoped, one day, he would get his happy ending.

with you, or not, he deserved his happy ending.

as time goes on, you know you can’t turn back, no matter how much you may want to.

you hear a ringing from your phone, checking the caller and soon seeing it’s jeno, making a soft smile appear on your face. “hello?”

“hey, how’s my favorite person doing?” he says it sweetly, making you let out a quiet chuckle.

“getting by, how are you?” you get into a seating position, trying to focus more on the conversation. you appreciate the effort he puts into making sure you’re okay.

“i’m good, babe.” jeno pauses, before continuing, “i haven’t really had the chance to say it, but i’m sorry all of this happened to you and renjun.” you freeze in your spot, holding your breath as he hesitantly continues what he was saying, “i want you to know that, no matter what, i’ll be right by your side. i feel like i shouldn’t have mentioned the bet or anything. maybe things would be different.”

it’s true, maybe things would have been different. but would it have been a good different either way. you don’t think so. the timing was always going to be off, and it was in no way jeno’s fault. you were sure of that.

“i’m glad you told me. don’t think this is any of your fault, i made my own decisions. i did it all on my own.” you reply in a softer voice than usual, trying to reassure him.

“i shouldn’t have swayed you to keep it from hi-”

“jeno,” you interrupt, “i wouldn’t have told him, anyway. no matter what you may have said or done, i was definitely too scared to lose him either way. my actions bit myself in the ass in the end. it wasn’t your fault, and nothing you said swayed me.” you were being truthful, and you worried that he had been blaming himself for everything all this time. “i don’t think me and renjun were made to meet at the time we did.”

but you and renjun met by chance, and you made the decisions you did. there was no turning back. you don’t regret renjun, not by a long shot. time with him seemed to be too short. but you appreciate him and everything he gave you in time you got to be with him.

“i’m sorry anyway, y/n.” jeno says it softly, and hearing your name come from him felt so rare.

you smile sadly, even if he can’t see it, “i know, jeno. i know.” you look at the time, “we should get some rest now.”

“we should,” you imagine him nodding in agreement, “goodnight, babe.”

“goodnight, jeno.”

you hang up, but for once, you don’t feel completely empty. you can feel a small tear run down your cheek, but you’re unsure if it’s even because you’re sad anymore. you can’t keep spiraling yourself into self-pity. you may not have gotten the ending you wanted with renjun, but you needed to move on. one way or another, you needed to move on.

you sigh, laying back down and staring straight into your blank ceiling.

developing a relationship with someone you tore apart is dangerous. so dangerous.

but, not one second, do you regret growing close to renjun. you imagine that, under different circumstances, things would have ended differently. and you find that to be enough for you.

for the time being, this was enough for you.

with you, or without you, you hope renjun gets his happy ending.

with you. or without you.

a/n: IT’S FINISHEDDDD!!!!!!! OMFG wow can you believe it????? i can’t LOL uhhhh i hope you all liked it. i spent an extended amount of time on this one, and i hope it lived up to expectations. please send me positive feedback lol this one took forever and it’s my longest fic to ever exist as of now. thank you for reading if you did :] i really appreciate it and i hope everyone liked it :]

taglist: @peachjaem00​ , @mjlkau​

[iwadori]

hello! I love your works so much! Can I request an angst to comfort scenario for #21 on your prompt list?

“It’s my fault for trusting you”

Feel free to use whichever character(s) you like!!

When the haikyu boys neglect you for another girl PT 3

Part One Part Two Part Three Part four Part Five

Word Count: 2.7K

Genre: angst,fluff

masterlist

Akaashi

You and Akaashi were beautiful people

Probably the most attractive pair of young adults that anyone can find

You were both top tier models in the industry

You always had a little rivalry between you but you always promised each other to never let it affect your ‘relationship’

“Beautiful darling, your beautiful” praised your photographer as you finished your shoot giving you air kisses on your cheeks. You thanked him and the rest of the staff and entered your dressing room sighing.

“Rough day?” Asked a voice, startling you a bit. You looked up to see your boyfriend, Akaashi Keiji sitting in the corner of your dressing room on a love seat.  

“Gosh Keiji you scared me” clutching your chest dramatically “But yes, the day has been tiring Fabio has really been overworking me lately” you complained. Akaashi walks towards you and gave you a peck on the cheek “Aww poor baby” he cooed mockingly, “but don’t worry ‘bout it Y/N your sucess will be all be worth it eventually” he says making you smile.

“and besides, you’ve got a shoot with me soon anyways” he winks, making you chuckle. You finished removing your make-up as Akaashi tells you about his shoot today and Bokuto’s (your fellow model friend) antics.  

You and Akaashi first laid eyes on eachother when you were both up and coming models, you both are under the same company. At first, both of your agents decided to make you spend time with each other to push the narrative of you being a couple anyways. However, since you and Akaashi had great natural chemistry it made your relationship great and made for a great photo too.  

As much as the public loved your relationship and the saucy photos you tend to make together, they also thrived of the slight rivalry you guys had together or the times when you guys bother shot with other people (since it was easy for a fan to make a new ship off of two people literally standing next to each other.)

You spent the next day having what you and Akaashi called a ‘rest day,’ you both specifically clear your schedules for every 2nd and 4th saturday of each month to not do any work-related for the day and just bask in each other’s companies (as you were both busy and barely got enough time to see one another.)

You watched multiple movies, made your own homemade cookies and dinner, had pillow fights, built forts. You both were having so much fun, until you both got a call...Just then, the vibe changed you went from your free-spirited fun selfs back into work mode.

Your agent told you that two brands *Insert big fashion designer brand here* and *Insert another big fashion designer brand here* were having some form of standoff. To be honest, you didn’t really care about the context of the shoot(s) in this case, as your agents call ruined your day. They wanted you and Tsukishima Kei, to do some competing shoots and promotional videos for their brand against the other designer.

After getting all your information from your agent, you go back into the living and see Akaashi sitting down thinking deeply about something. “What was your call about?” you inquire sitting down next to him.

“Oh just some silly designer brand competition thing.” he mindlessly replies, still thinking deeply.

“Yeah same. So what’s got you thinking all deeply then?” you ask

“My fellow model is going to be Kiyoko Shimuzu” he sighed, making you blink repeatedly before immediately saying “You can’t do the shoot”

Kiyoko Shimuzu was japans beauty. Everybody loved her, she’s been a model since she was a child everyone wanting a grasp on her looks. The guys wanted her, the girls wanted to be here. Kiyoko Shimuzu was a force to be reckon with.

The real problem at hand wasn’t her stunning looks, popularity and fame. It was her connection with Akaashi. Before Akaashi went big and met you, he was Kiyoko’s boyfriend (well ex-boyfriend now) and they broke up because of long-distance or something like that.

However, to you, Kiyoko’s feelings for your boyfriend have never went away. Whenever you guys bumped into each other at red carpet events or runway shows, she always seemed to linger a bit too long around your boyfriend, which definitely wasn’t to your liking.

Akaashi lifted up his head from inside his palms and looked at you as if you had grown another head. “What do you mean, ‘I can’t do the shoot’” he asked in disbelief

“I mean, you can’t do the shoot” you reiterated not understanding why he didn’t understand.  

Akaashi sighs before putting his face back in his hands to think, “Well I know you got to the shoot aswell Y/N who’s yours with.”

“Tsukki” You said nonchalantly say as if it was nothing, making Akaashi look at you again as if you were fully crazy before he had a chance to speak you cut him off saying “Don’t even start Akaashi.”

You and Tsukishima Kei, have best friends since you were kids. You weren’t romantic in any way shape or form, well at least you weren’t. Akaashi always claimed that that Tsukishima was in love with you, that you and Tsukishima were the perfect example of every ‘childhood friends-lovers trope’ ever, which to you wasn’t true. Everything between you and Tsukishima was and still is completely platonic which you can’t say the same for Akaashi and Kiyoko.

“You’re not doing the shoot” he says firmly as if he was your father.  

“Oh so you can do your shoot with your literally EX GIRLFRIEND, but I can’t do mine with my best friend... yeah make sense” you say standing up, astounded.

“Y/N chill, If you’re so adamant about me not doing it with Shi- Kiyoko, then I wont” he says pulling your arm down making you land on him “and you better not do it with ‘Tsukki’” he mocked.

“Okay so none of us are doing the shoots?” you ask looking up at him  

“Yup” he says  

“Pinky promise,” you joked sticking out your pinky in his face.

“Pinky promise” he agreed hooking his finger around yours.

For the next month it seemed you were booked busy, you barely got to see your boyfriend as his agent had him running around all of Japan and even had him booked in some places in Europe for this month. Of course, you missed him, but you understand how busy it can be doing your line of work. You’ve been quite busy too, doing the usual shoots and runways.

Although he was busy, Akaashi basically went radio silent on you. You still expected him to reply to some of your messages or at least call once or twice when he had the chance, since he must have 10 minutes of break time and that's the bare minimum.

It’s been two weeks since you last saw Akaashi (and that was on your saturday rest day) and you were expecting him to come over today so you could have another. Since of course, Saturday ‘rest days’ were basically a tradition for you and Akaashi before you even started dating.

You had no text from Akaashi explaining his lateness/absense, so you just figured he wasn’t coming putting a damper on your day. You spent the day lounging around and shoving your face with your favourite snacks and food.

You get a text from Tsukishima which read:

Tsukishima: 1 Image Attached  

Tsukishima: Looks whose boyfriend stumbled on set...

You didn’t respond as you were shocked at the sight you saw, the image was a picture of Akaashi and Kiyoko on set doing shots for the *insert the other rich designer brand* the shoot that you both agreed you wouldn’t do, which was also a LINGERE brand.  

You felt betrayed, you both agreed to not do the shoot and it’s not like you did do yours. You made sure to turn it down the day you made your agreement. And he skipped on your traditional saturday ‘rest day’ without even giving you any word of him not planning on arriving.

You didn’t know what to do, do you confront him about it? Or do you wait for him to approach you? Since he would plan on telling you about this right? You eventually messaged Tsukishima a ‘thanks’ and you decided how you were going to handle the situation. Pop up on Akaashi and Kiyoko at the photoshoot.

You knew where it was at, since you had the address already from when your agent first offered you the idea. You drove to the place in a breakneck speed, strutting in there like a woman on a mission (which you technically were.) You decided to wait in Akaashi’s dressing room, not wanting to cause a scene at the shoot which would be bad for yours, Akaashi’s and Kiyoko’s image and would be a waste of the time of the staff and photographer there.

Akaashi finally finished the shoot and entered his room with a sigh not realising that you were sitting in the corner of his room. “Did you have a rough time?” you ask mockingly making him jump and his eyes widen as you were the last person he expected to be there. “Why so shocked, you weren’t expecting me?” you still keep the same mocking tone in your speech.

“Y/N I-” He started  

“Y/N what?” You interrupted “Y/N I’m sorry for basically ghosting you for a month? I'm sorry for doing a shoot with someone who I know is still in love with me? I’m sorry for lying to you? I’m sorry for skipping out on our rest day with no explanation on where I am?” you stare at him as he stares back speechless.

“Oh, am I missing something?” you continue “Oh yes ‘Y/n I’m sorry for doing the shoot that we both agreed that we weren’t doing’” you sit down and wait for him to reply.

Akaashi puts his head down in shame, not really knowing what to say. Because of his silence, you roll your eyes and get up fed up with his lack of explanation. Before you fully leave Akaashi blocks your way with slight tears in his eyes “I had no other choice Y/N, I had to do all those shoots and travel other places with Kiyoko because sh-”

“Wait, that’s where you were?” you shout “Gallivanting around the country with HER!” you extend your arm pointing outside the door before you turn trying to leave again.

“N-No No Y/N you’ve got to listen to me” he said putting your hands on my shoulder “She has something, on me and I-I couldn’t I can’t get out of it. It’s deeper than just a simple shoot.” You were confused but you were so upset you just didn’t want to hear it so instead of listening to your boyfriend you decided to say “you’re so full of shit Akaashi” making him gasp at your coldness and the use of his last name. “ but hey I guess thats my fault for trusting you”

You finally left the room and went to go get a breather for a second with tears sparking in your eyes. You leaned against the wall and whispered “fuck” frustrated with the whole situation. Making you jump, Tsukishima said “you should go talk to him you know.”  

“What do you know Tsukki” he cringed at the nickname

“I know more than you Y/N, just go talk to him.” he said making you squint your eyes at him wondering what information he held.

When you walked back to Akaashi’s dressing room practicing an apology in your head. But you paused your arrival hearing Akaashi talking to the one and only, Kiyoko Shimuzu in his room.

“Let’s face it Akaashi, now that I’ve got this sex tape of us, I basically own you.” she said to him making your eyes widen.  

You decided the smartest thing to do was to pull out your phone and record as much as the conversation as you possibly could. Because you could already tell Akaashi was in a bind.

“The next thing I want you to do is...” she continued acting as if she was thinking “break it with Y/N!”

“No certainly not Kiyoko, you’re going too far.” he said making you smile internally that he still defended your relationship. “Me and Y/N are definitely NOT breaking up.”

“Akaashi are you forgetting that I have something over you.” she pulls out her phone and she plays a video, which you can only assume is the sex tape. You can hear a bunch of moans and groans which made your stomache ache.

Tired of hearing this, you burst into the room and say “What the fuck are you doing Kiyoko”  

“Oh Y/N how lovely for you to join us...” she said with a smile, “I was just discussing with your ‘boyfriend’ plans for our next shoots.”

“I always knew you were a bitch.” you say shocking your head at her.

“What do you mean Y/N?” she says with a fake smile, not knowing that you were listening in on your conversation “Actually Akaashi was telling me something he had to tell you... isn’t that right Akaashi.” you both looked over at him and he was scared and speechless.

“Oh you mean how you’ve been blackmailing him for the past two weeks...” you accuse  

“You have no proof of that.” She taunted  

“Oh do I..” you rebuttal then pressing play on the recording you just took watching as both Kiyoko and Akaashi look shocked. Kiyoko scurries out the room knowing she’s been caught leaving you with a triumphant smile.

You sit down, gesturing Akaashi to sit next to you. “Akaashi, I’m so sorry for not listening to you earlier I felt so betrayed thinking that you went agaisnt out agreement, but I guess I was just being a self-obsessed bitch” you say with you now looking down in shame.

“Y/N” he says with you still not meeting his eye “Y/N look at me” he lifted your chin up so you met his eye “It’s fine, It’s completely fine you didn’t know of course you didn’t know, how would you know of sex tape I unknowingly did back when I was 16!” he exclaims “Its fine, we’re good” he pulls you into a hug and kisses you on the forehead.

After you both calm down, Akaashi explains how Kiyoko started to blackmail him and how the agency loved the idea of them two being together (not the blackmailing) as it created a jealousy storyline between you and her and how every time they met she kept proposing ridiculous demands.

“Also, how did you know I ended doing the shoot?” he asks

“Oh a little bird told me” you tease  

“You mean a 6ft2 bird with blonde hair and a shit personality.” he retorts making you laugh  

“Heyy don’t be so mean, if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t of came to save the day.”

“True, I’d give him that.”

Eventually, you and Akaashi go to your agency and present all your evidence and claims that Kiyoko was blackmailing Akaashi. Although they were upset, that Akaashi did partake in a sex tape they knew that they’d be an even bigger scandal if you presented your news that Japans sweetheart Kiyoko Shimuzu was blackmailing Akaashi Keiji. So the agency thought it was in everyones best interest if they got Kiyoko to sign an NDA saying that she will never bring forth or share the Sex Tape to anyone and she’ll agree to be dropped from the agency.

Your life was great now, with Kiyoko off your back and Akaashi being back to his usual self you couldn’t wish for anything more. You ended up doing the shoot persuading the design brand person (whatever the name for it is) to agree to let you do the shoot together instead of with other people. Both brands let you, because who wouldn’t want Akaashi Keiji and L/N Y/N to do a shoot together?

AUTHORS NOTE: this is the longest work ive written for a single character and i am TIRED lol..I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed my other works so I hope you enjoy this one.. to be honest I think with my works I start off strong and end shitly :// However I wanted to do something different today by making them models instead of students so I hope you like it. Now im off to read some fanfic so you guys have a good day!! <3 

[gukyi]

into the wilderness | pjm

summary: alright, so last summer’s camp was... disastrous. from the murky green showers to the wasps nests, it was all-around a bad time. but none of those things could be quite as catastrophic as the end-of-camp counselor campfire, when you told park jimin that you were in love with him. and if telling him was terrible, then seeing him again this summer, one year after your fruitless confession, just might be the death of you.

{camp counselor!au, unrequited love!au, friends to lovers!au}

pairing: park jimin x female reader genre: angst, fluff, comedy word count: 27k warnings: unrequited love, camp shenanigans, awkwardness, secondhand embarrassment/hurt, ot7 cameos a/n: hello and welcome to the one thing that guyi has wanted to write for literal years now but never go around to! finally i can cross camp counselor au off my list. anyway, it’s been over a year since i wrote for jimin so i hope that this monster 27k fic can make up for that !!! i swear the ending is happy. i swear. i promise.

Something about last summer sucked. 

Maybe it was the record six wasps’ nests you found around the cabin, leaving you with more bee stings than mosquito bites by the end of camp. Maybe it was that weird murky green color of the water in the showers and the sinks that didn’t go away until three weeks in, when you were already positive you had contracted some sort of pond disease from brushing your teeth. Maybe it was the lack of Namjoon, who had an internship and couldn’t come, therefore removing all sense of order and leaving you and the rest of the counselors in a state of chaos.

Or maybe it was the fact that, on the very last night, at the very last counselor campfire, you told Jimin that you loved him. 

Truth be told, you weren’t sure how badly it would go. But telling him was so much easier than keeping it hidden, than letting it drag on and on, this boulder sitting on your chest for the rest of time. You had spent the whole eight weeks of camp rationalizing it to yourself, so much so that by the time the last counselor campfire rolled around, you were convinced that it wouldn’t be that disastrous. 

There was no part of you that thought Jimin would reciprocate your feelings. No part of you that secretly hoped that maybe he felt the same, and that you could end the summer with more money in your bank account and a boyfriend on your arm. You knew he didn’t. Jimin was sweet, and thoughtful, and gentle, which is exactly why you fell in love with him, but he was like that to everyone. You didn’t think that telling him would suddenly make him fall in love with you.

You told him because people like Jimin deserve to know that somebody loves them. 

You told him because you thought that nothing would change. 

What you didn’t really expect to happen was this:

Your marshmallow is burnt beyond recognition, poking off of the edge of a stick like a sad piece of coal rather than a sweet treat. At this point, it’s even darker than the chocolate sitting on the graham cracker in your lap, waiting to be smushed together into the sugar-fest known as a s’more, so eloquently named because you will apparently always want some more. 

“Uh, hello? Earth to Y/N?”

Taehyung’s hand waves furiously in front of your face as he leans forward to make eye contact with you.

“Huh?” You ask, shaking yourself out of your thoughts. Your mind has been awfully cloudy these days, overcast like the weather around here. It’s a wonder you’re able to make your way through. 

“Are you alright?” He asks, an eyebrow raised. “Your marshmallow looks like what happens when I try to make scrambled eggs.”

“Your scrambled eggs look like that?” Seokjin interrupts, pointing accusingly at your charred marshmallow. You’ve seen Taehyung in the kitchen. It’s not that bad, is it? “Next year you should sign up for some of Yoongi’s cooking classes. The six-year-olds can cook better than you.”

“You’d have to pay me way more than the shit they’re giving us to get me to teach Taehyung how to cook,” grumbles Yoongi. 

“I’m fine,” you promise Taehyung as Yoongi and Seokjin launch into a tirade about raising minimum wage. “I just—” You glance at your marshmallow. You don’t even think the fish monster at the bottom of the pond would eat it. And he apparently eats people whose hearts have turned to stone. Like Seokjin, who swears that it had eaten the tip of his pinky finger. “—like my marshmallows really cooked.”

Taehyung looks skeptical but drops the subject nonetheless, turning back around so he can find a different conversation to barge his way into. You’re willing to put money on him finding some way to annoy Jungkook. 

Insecure about your apparent lack of marshmallow-roasting skills, you pull your stick away from the campfire, blowing on it until you decide that you’re willing to risk burning the tips of your fingers. You pluck the marshmallow from the skewer, hissing to yourself as you quickly plop it onto the graham cracker, squishing the whole thing together. 

The marshmallow is so burnt that it barely gives underneath the press of your fingers, bouncing back up like rubber. You frown at your s’more, which clearly should be renamed to something else because nothing about the thing in your hands makes you want some more. 

Next to you, Jimin laughs at your pitiful attempt at a classic campfire treat. 

“You want mine?” He asks with a smile, holding out a flawless s’more, the kind that they make in movies to perpetuate the illusion of perfection. You look up at him and in the light of the fire he glows, like a spark from the flames had created him right then and there, like he had been born with light in his eyes, a halo surrounding his body. 

You wonder if Jimin knows how beautiful he is. How beautiful he has always been, radiating kindness and joy and laughter. He must know, right? It must be impossible for him to notice how everyone falls in love with him. You certainly aren’t an exception. 

He holds out the s’more in his hands, laughing as he looks at you because there must be something endearing about being a shitty s’more maker, and you think, what’s the worst that can happen?

“I’m in love with you.”

The s’more drops to the ground, hitting the grass with a thud. 

Jimin’s eyes meet yours, and for once, they are unreadable. This tragic sort of confusion, like he can’t believe the words you’re saying to him. Like his mind refuses to accept them as true. 

He opens his mouth, but you answer for him. 

“It’s okay,” you assure quickly, reaching a hand out to rest on his own. The touch makes him look away, like your fingers are the flames of the campfire, burning him where they touch his skin. “I—I know you don’t feel the same.”

It’s not a secret. Not to him, and not to you. Jimin purses his lips because he feels guilty for not loving you back. Because he is so good, so kind, that he feels as though he has wronged you because he doesn’t love you the way you love him. Like it’s his fault. 

“Y/N—” He starts, but he does not finish. 

“You…” you interrupt, looking down at your feet. You can’t look at Jimin because looking at him hurts, and you can’t look anywhere else because Jimin is all you think about. All you ever think about. “You don’t have to say anything.”

He speaks, and it’s as if the words don’t belong to him. Don’t belong to anyone. 

“What are we supposed to do?” He asks. 

You shrug, resigning yourself to this. You knew that he wouldn’t feel the same. You didn’t know how terrible he would feel because of it. “Nothing,” you tell him. “I just thought you should know.

He nods, because he knows, and he nods, because he can’t do anything else. 

The fire crackles beside you, s’mores forgotten on the ground as your friends laugh and cheer, distant sounds that echo in your head like white noise. Jimin is all you can think of and right now you’re thinking about what happens next.

“I’m sorry.”

Maybe telling him wasn’t such a good idea after all. 

“Me too.”

Your busted-up sedan revs angrily as you rally up the mountain, shaking your head in an attempt to rid the memories of the campfire from your mind. Unfortunately, the nasty thing about memories is that the more you try to forget them, the more you seem to remember.

You sigh. Something about last summer sucked. 

Nothing about this summer makes you feel like it’ll suck any less.

The good thing about being thirty minutes late is that you’re still thirty minutes earlier than Taehyung, who does not have a single punctual bone in his body. You can count on one hand the amount of instances where he’s actually been on time, all of which are because you and the other counselors conspire to tell him that events are an hour earlier than they actually are just to make sure he doesn’t stroll in an hour late and improperly dressed. 

The bad thing about being thirty minutes late is that everyone besides Taehyung is already here, waiting for you. 

Your sedan crawls to the clearing at the top of the mountain, fighting against gravity and itself as it chugs up the last few feet, coming to a rough stop in the dirt, sunken in from countless tires tracking across it. 

Through your windshield, you can make out two figures with two clipboards, only one of which has something genuinely useful on it. 

“Y/N!” Hoseok cries out excitedly, splaying his arms out as if to hug the entire front of your car only to reveal the near-blank clipboard in his hand. All that’s on it is a neon green Post-it note with a caricature drawing of who you assume to be Yoongi, if the grouchy expression and chef’s hat are anything to go by. There’s no signature or name, but Hoseok’s art skills are on par with those of the campers you work with and Jungkook has a fun and quirky habit of vandalizing all drawable surfaces with pencil sketches of the counselors, so you take a wild guess as to who the artist is. 

You pop the door of your car open and step out into the sticky weather, warm and muggy despite the clouds above. It’s the same as when you step into your bathroom after your two roommates have showered, using up all the hot water and leaving a layer of fog on the mirrors for you to all play hangman on. Only, this steam never goes away. 

“Hoseok!” You cheer, letting the man wrap you up in a sweltering hug, your hands gently patting the top of his back so as not to come in contact with the dampness soaking through his thin cotton t-shirt. You haven’t seen each other for nearly a year, though, so you give in more than you usually would and relax into his hold. “You look good, I like the hair,” you compliment, two fingers coming up to twirl at his bright red locks, deep and vibrant like the cherries you pick. 

“Dyed it just so I could tell the kids I’m a superhero!” Hoseok grins. He’s already heading over to the back of your car to pop the trunk and pull out your duffel bags so that he can park your car in the garage at the other end of the campsite.

“Then who’s the villain?” You call, tossing him your keys.

“I guess that would be me.”

You whip around to find a platinum-blonde Namjoon standing happily before you, looking at least a little bit resigned as he grins at you. His hair is longer this year, like growing it out would somehow compensate for frying it with layer after layer of bleach. And with his silver-white hair and the fact that he is the only counselor any of the kids are genuinely afraid of disobeying, you suppose he would be the antagonist after all. 

“Namjoon, nice to see you again.” You go in for a hug even though Namjoon clearly had no plans on instigating one himself, because someone as hardworking and patient as Namjoon deserves a little platonic affection every one in a while. What, with everyone else constantly conspiring with the campers to oust him every summer. 

The truth is that all of you know that without Namjoon, this camp would be nothing but chaos in its purest form, with the counselors unable to wrangle the kids and the kids using that knowledge to their fullest advantage. Take last year, where everything seemed to go wrong because Namjoon had his stupid internship with a business firm and spent the entire summer drilling finances into his head instead of losing brain cells watching kids eat sand.  

If you had any dignity left you’d blame your rotten confession to Jimin on Namjoon’s absence as well. 

“Nice to see you, too, Y/N,” Namjoon says when you part, checking your name off of the list on his clipboard. “I feel like it’s been ages since I was here.” You can see red marks all over the page, blank only where the name Taehyung is written. 

Some things never change, you suppose. 

“Well, we definitely missed you last year,” You say with a chuckle, trying not to immediately associate your personal misjudgements with the lack of Namjoon, who you can hopefully keep from ever finding out what happened at last year’s end-of-camp counselor campfire. The problem is that Namjoon picks up on social cues and body language like a sociologist, so your only hope is pretending that the campfire never even happened. “Camp was pretty much a mess without you.” In more ways than one.

“Namjoon!” Someone calls. You and him both jerk around to the source of the sound when you see a figure barreling towards the both of you, face obscured in shadow. 

You almost don’t recognize him, with his pitch black hair and thick voice, like he has somehow become a new person in the nine months you’ve gone without seeing him. But the moment he comes into view, you know, and you can’t even pretend to not know, not with the way your heart freezes in place, mid-beat, like the sight of him has turned you to stone. Not with the way that Namjoon is right beside you, and how you don’t think you can bear explaining to him why you and Jimin aren’t as close as you used to be. Not with the way that Jimin looks as beautiful as he always has and always will be, no matter how many summers pass, this timeless portrait, this piece of art that’s come to life. 

There’s a part of you that’s shocked still at seeing him, like you had almost thought that after last summer at least one of you would bail on this shitty summer job, filled with mosquitoes and mud and wifi that only works in the room that doubles as the gymnasium and the mess hall. It’s the same part of you that wants to go back to pretending that nothing ever happened last summer. 

But Jimin is here, in front of you, eyes wide and out of breath and gorgeous, and pretending that last summer never happened is the same as pretending that you never fell in love with him at all.

“The water in the boys’ cabins sinks is green,” he says with a tense smile, making Namjoon nearly smack his clipboard into his forehead. 

“Ugh, seriously?” He asks, and you can’t tell if you’re thankful or hurt that Jimin’s failed to acknowledge you. “Fine,” he scribbles something down on the clipboard, this handwriting scrawl that only he can read, “I’ll figure out what to do with that later. In the meantime, just don’t drink it.”

“Seokjin’s already made lemonade with it, though—”

“Great,” Namjoon says, exasperated as he takes off towards the main cabin, where Seokjin is sitting on the balcony with his feet up on the railing with a glass of suspiciously murky lemonade in his hand, one that he’s offering up to Yoongi with a devilish grin on his face. 

His disappearance leaves only you and Jimin left standing at the entrance, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet in the hopes that one of you will either leave or spare the other the torture of a conversation. 

“Hey,” Jimin says quietly, trying to meet your eyes. 

You look away, pretending to smack an imaginary mosquito on your arm while an actual one bites your leg. “Hey, yourself.”

“It’s been a while.” The last time we saw each other you told me you loved me. 

“Yeah, it has.” I know.

“How are you doing?” Do you still love me, or was the distance and time enough?

“I’m alright. Same old, same old.” I never stopped. “How are you?” What about you? Did you stop seeing us as just friends?

“Doing well, thanks.” No. You’ll always be just a friend to me. Jimin sighs, looking up at the overcast sky with his hands shoved into the pockets of his shorts, taking in the scenery before him. He exhales, long and heavy, before turning to you with a soft little smile, the kind of grin that almost makes you feel like forgetting might not be the best thing to do after all. “I just feel like this summer is a fresh start, you know? Like, I feel like there’s something different about being here this year.”

Maybe this summer, you can learn to move on from me, too. Because something’s gotta give. 

“I hope you’re right about that,” you tell him, because being around him hurts and being away from him makes you replay that night over and over, wondering what would have happened if you had just kept your stupid mouth shut. You open your mouth to say something, anything else, anything to break the ice that didn’t used to be there before, cut between the tension that has settled between the two of you, but your tongue is dry and your heart is sore just looking at him. 

Defeated, you walk over to where Hoseok’s left your duffel bags, hiking them onto your shoulders and heading towards the girls’ cabins, ready to end this conversation before it tears you in two. 

Jimin seems to flounder, standing awkwardly for a few moments as he watches you walk towards the cabins, skirting around him a few feet away because brushing by his side seemed too close for comfort. But then he says, “Hey, Y/N?” 

And it makes you stop dead in your tracks, unable to deny him an answer. 

You turn around to look at him, and he offers you a grin. 

“Are we good?”

Your love for me, will it affect our friendship?

You swallow.

It already has. It always has. From the very beginning, loving you was part of our friendship. I don’t know how to be friends with you without it. Even when you didn’t know it, I loved you. In a way, it was easier back then. Telling you was the one thing I shouldn’t have done. 

“Yeah, Jimin,” you tell him. “We’re good.”

The trek to your cabin from the main buildings of the camp is nothing if not familiar. Familiar in the way that the ground curves beneath your feet, leading you up to the top of a small hill where the building sits, looking out over the rest of the clearing. Familiar in how the scent of the woods that surround you fills up your senses, this fresh, airy feeling, like the very oxygen is smothering you. Familiar in how this place reeks of the memories of summers gone by, summers spent beneath the stars and by the campfire. 

Summer memories that make your heart burst with fondness and summer memories that… don’t. 

The fact is that it has always started and ended here. 

When you kick open the door to the cabin, there is only one other occupied bed. It belongs to Hazel, a counselor in her sophomore year in college who joined the crew last year and assumed that the Namjoon-less pandemonium that was camp last summer was just the norm. Hopefully she can take a much-needed break this year now that Namjoon’s back and she’s not the only one fruitlessly trying to cajole the campers into behaving. 

You beeline towards the bunk bed that has been your summer home for the past three years, the one shoved right up against the back right corner, giving you a perfect view of the entire cabin. The downside is that it’s the same corner that spiders seem to prefer as their location of choice for their webs, but better you, a stone-cold college student, than a terrified six-year-old. 

Plopping your duffel bags on top of the mattress, you let out another sigh. You wonder what it is about this summer that is so damn tiring, so exhausting that you can’t help but outwardly exhale every ten seconds, like merely being here is wearing you out, bit by bit. 

You’re looking forward to when the campers arrive tomorrow. Sleeping alone (well, nearly alone) in a cabin feels uncomfortably empty. Plus, you’re hoping that they’ll provide you with some sort of distraction so you don’t have any free time left to spend dwelling on the what-ifs and the should-have-dones. When there’s only a dozen of you, it’s much easier to run into him. 

The moment you collapse on your bed, a messy brown head of hair comes bounding out from the shared bathrooms in the center of the cabin. 

“Y/N!” Hazel cries out, launching herself across the room and into your arms for the tightest hug you’ve had in a long while. 

“Hey, Haze,” you greet in return, offering her a squeeze back. You didn’t often mix in your camp activities, with Hazel in charge of the nature walks and animal conservation activities while you hide in your air-conditioned arts and crafts room, but living together brought upon you a closeness you otherwise don’t share with anyone else. Plus, Hazel keeps a family-sized pack of Oreos and a gigantic jar of smooth peanut butter by her bunk at all times for emergencies. 

“I feel like it’s been so long!” She laments when she finally releases you, looking positively thrilled to be here right now. 

Not long enough, you think to yourself, though you don’t suppose any more time apart from Jimin would make seeing him again any easier. “Yeah, but the year goes by so quickly,” you agree half-heartedly. Too quickly. 

“I’m so excited for this year.” Hazel grins, clapping her hands together. “I have so much planned for all the nature walks and everything. I spent all of last week reading up on edible plants and berries found in this part of the country. I’m gonna teach all of the kids what they can eat in case they get stranded in the forest!”

“Fun,” you say with a hesitant nod. It’s not that you don’t trust Hazel to have done her research, it’s more that, knowing the campers and knowing the counselors, someone’s going to try and get lost in the woods around the camp, eating everything they can. Not to mention the fact that Hazel’s so innocent she’d probably reveal to someone like Seokjin or Jungkook which plants were poisonous without even realizing it. 

Camp last year was a mess, but at least nobody died. 

“Hey, aren’t you excited, too?” She asks, a hand on your shoulder as she notices your reluctance. “Apparently Namjoon’s a great leader so this year isn’t going to be as bad as last year.”

“Last year wasn’t bad just because Namjoon wasn’t here,” you comment vaguely. Hazel doesn’t need to know about all of the drama that goes down between the counselors. Hopefully she can get out of here without being dragged into something by one of you. 

“Well, this year is supposed to be better!” She cheers you on, determined to get you to feel as enthusiastic as she is. “No matter what did or did not happen last summer. Plus, you know that if anything bad happens I always have my secret stash, counselors only.” She winks. 

“Thanks, Haze,” you say, sighing again like it’s your job to be worn out by life. “I think I just need a bit of time to get back into the swing of things.”

“That’s the spirit!” She rallies. “I’m gonna head back to the main camp and see if there’s anything good to drink. I’m thirsty.”

“Stick to soda,” you advise, eyes wide at the thought of her downing anything that Seokjin’s had a sneaky hand in making. 

She doesn’t seem to notice your worry, already bounding towards the door, light on her feet. “I was feeling a Fanta anyway. See you at the camp counselor meeting if I don’t see you around beforehand!” She pulls open the heavy wooden door, half outside when she stops to turn back at you, wagging a finger in the air. “Remember, Y/N, leaves of three, let them be!” 

The door slams shut behind her, creating a cloud of dust in its wake. You watch helplessly as the particles dissipate into the air, as the silence that was once so comforting begins to terrorize you once more. 

You collapse back onto your bunk. If only last summer’s murky green water had poisoned you. Then maybe you’d finally have a good enough excuse for your utter lapse in judgement, and you wouldn’t be sighing so much.

There were no camp counselor meetings last year. There were only haphazard caucuses, irregular get-togethers where no one knew quite what was going on and there were no real announcements to be said, no real orders to be given. You had almost forgotten what it was like to have someone with genuine leadership skills working here. 

The problem last year was not getting everyone into the same room for thirty minutes. It was keeping everyone focused in that same room for thirty minutes, which was essentially impossible because, at your age, submitting to someone of authority is the very last thing you want to do. Especially when the consequences pretty much only amount to having to drink Seokjin’s murky green lemonade.

But like with everything else, Namjoon has, somehow, made the impossible possible. 

“Guys, guys, can we stop drawing on the board, please? I need that,” Namjoon begs as he walks into the room to find Jungkook and Taehyung with chalk in their hands and a chalkboard at their disposal. What they’ve accomplished so far is an expert drawing of Spongebob and Patrick with their faces missing, waiting to be filled in by one of the unlucky people in this room. 

“Okay, so who’s Patrick?” Taehyung asks the audience. 

“Hoseok!” shouts Seokjin.

“You!” shouts Hoseok. 

“Seokjin!” shouts Hazel, too, just because she likes being involved in things. 

Jungkook lets out a cackle at that. “Are you kidding?” He asks. “If anything…” He does a quick sketch on the board, hand flying across it so quickly you’re actually a little bit impressed, “Seokjin would be Plankton.” 

He steps away from the board to reveal a scarily-realistic drawing of Seokjin’s angry face on Plankton’s tiny, antennaed body, making everyone—even Namjoon, who usually tries to keep the roasting between counselors to a minimum—laugh. 

Seokjin scowls, and normally you would feel bad for him always being the butt of Jungkook’s endless jokes, but you can see a half-empty glass of green lemonade by Jungkook’s side, and you decide that he can hold his own just fine. 

“I think you guys would be Spongebob and Patrick,” Jimin pipes up from the back. You freeze, turning your head slightly just to see him sitting on the table pushed up against the wall. You hadn’t even noticed him. Or maybe you had, and your brain just decided to pretend that you hadn’t. 

Nevertheless, hearing his voice doesn’t make it hurt any less.

“Jimin’s right,” Jungkook agrees, already beginning to fill in the blank space where Spongebob’s face would normally go with a caricature of his own. “I’d be Spongebob because I have a wider face than you, Tae.”

Taehyung doesn’t object, instead moving his hand to an empty spot on the board. “Yeah. Oh, and Namjoon’s Mr. Krabs, obviously,” Taehyung says, adding his own drawing of Mr. Krabs with Namjoon’s camp get-up on—cargo shorts, a short-sleeved flannel shirt, a baseball cap, and high-tops.

“I would not be—hey, give me that!” Namjoon shouts, indignant, before ripping the chalk from Jungkook’s hands as he cackles wickedly, clearly pleased with himself. Namjoon shoos the both of them away from the board before wiping it with the eraser, which has very obviously not been cleaned since last year, leaving a trail of pale yellow dust in its wake wherever Namjoon drags it across the chalkboard. “Chalkboard for official matters only.” He glares at Jungkook and Taehyung, who high-five each other. 

The chatter soon subsides as Namjoon writes down the meeting to-do list on the board in his same old scratchy handwriting. Namjoon’s one of those people that writes exclusively in capital letters, simply enlarging any letters that actually need to be capitalized. You’re almost one-hundred percent positive it’s to establish written dominance over the rest of the counselors. 

“Okay, first order of business,” Namjoon begins after coughing to get everyone’s attention. “It’s come to my attention that the entire cabin water system is green.”

“Hasn’t it always been—?” Hazel asks, innocent eyes wide in confusion. 

“I called the utilities people and they’re coming tomorrow to fix it, so in the meantime, do not drink the water. Showering and using the bathroom is fine. I would use water bottles for brushing your teeth, though,” Namjoon says, crossing off something on his clipboard as the rest of the counselors murmur in approval. 

“See, this is what happens when Namjoon’s here,” deadpans Yoongi, motioning up to him where he stands at the front of the room. “Shit gets done.”

“Okay, secondly, no swearing in front of the kids,” Namjoon says, adding that onto the board as a final reminder. “The fact that I have to tell you guys this multiple times every year is ridiculous.”

“Fuck you, I can do what I want!” Taehyung shouts, earning a chorus of fuck yeah’s. 

“You guys do know that I have the power to fire you, right?” Namjoon says pointedly, making Taehyung shut his trap. “Okay, moving on. Everyone’s been assigned to the same things that they were assigned to do last year, and if you weren’t here last year, then the year before that.” Namjoon receives some cheers and some groans in response to this, the former mostly from people who work indoors, and the latter mostly from people who don’t. 

“Seriously?” Seokjin whines. “I don’t think Yoongi has stepped foot out of the kitchens in literal years.”

“And I would like to keep it that way, thank you very much!” Yoongi counters. 

“Oh, shut up, at least you get to spend some time indoors teaching all of the kids how to play Hot Cross Buns on their guitars,” Taehyung counters. “I got more mosquito bites than freckles last summer.”

“My students have long advanced from Hot Cross Buns,” Seokjin says proudly and a little bit devilishly. “We’re working on something more technical now.”

“Like what?” Jungkook challenges.

“Okay, continuing…” Namjoon says loudly, eyeing Seokjin suspiciously. “If you’re new, you should have already received notification as to what activities you’re in charge of, but if you’re not sure, come and talk to me.”

“Oh, so Jimin’s still on first aid, then?” Taehyung asks, wiggling his eyebrows. “What do you think Y/N’s gonna do to get herself sent down to his tent? Glue her fingers together? Burn herself with a glue gun?”

“Shut up,” You mumble tensely, embarrassed that somehow you and Jimin’s relationship has turned into a counselor affair. 

Last summer, you had accidentally given yourself a palm full of splinters from the birdhouses that you had the campers paint to bring home with them, and the first aid tent is the only place that has bandages. Jimin was there, as he always is, and the two of you spent the evening plucking out all of the pieces of wood from your hand and patching it up with Band-aids that had Spiderman and Moana on them. Contrary to apparently popular belief, it was not on purpose, even though the hour of hand-holding was rather nice. 

“Or Jimin can just find some excuse to visit Y/N in the arts and crafts room,” Seokjin tacks on unhelpfully. “You know, last summer I don’t think I saw them eat lunch in the counselor room at all. They were always finding secret places in the woods.”

“Maybe we were just busy during lunch?” Jimin suggests, clearly equally uncomfortable. 

“Busy fucking, probably,” Taehyung mutters. 

“It’s none of your business,” you snap, because the last thing you want to be talking about right now is how wonderful your relationship with Jimin used to be, when all that’s left this summer are the burned remnants of it, the ashes of something that could have been. You don’t need a reminder of why you thought that you and Jimin would be alright, of why you thought that telling him wouldn’t be that bad. It was terrible, and now all you can do is pick up the pieces, patch together a friendship whose thread has come loose. 

“Alright, let’s keep going,” Namjoon says, picking up the weirdly tense atmosphere and doing his best to bring the attention back to him and the meeting at hand. “You guys should know that this year, Hoseok is thinking of adding in a counselor dance to the end-of-camp show…”

You look over at Jimin, who immediately turns away when he spots your gaze, making to pick at the rips in his jeans, doing anything and everything he can to avoid eye contact with you, and your shoulders sink. 

Jimin had asked you, “Are we good?”

And you had responded, “Yeah, Jimin, we are.”

And the two of you must have both known that was a lie. 

You turn back to face the front, focusing on how Hazel is rubbing your forearm and not asking questions, and you try to feel a little bit better. 

After the meeting, you and Hazel decide to spend the night holed up in your cabin eating from her Oreo stash instead of eating dinner with everyone else, half because it’s only the first day and already being around all of the other counselors is tiring, and half because you don’t think you can handle seeing Jimin any more today, but not before Namjoon stops you on the way out of the door. 

“Y/N,” he says, making you pause in your tracks. “Can we talk?”

“What about?” You ask, hoping to God that it’s not about everyone thinking you purposely injure yourself just so you can see Jimin at the first aid tent. 

“Just quickly, you and me,” Namjoon says casually, pulling you to the corner of the room, away from any windows so no one can see you two talking. “Did today’s meeting make you uncomfortable?”

“No,” you lie like a liar. “What are you talking about?”

Namjoon’s too observant for his own good, you decide, when he frowns at you, clearly not buying whatever it is you’re trying to sell him. “You don’t have to tell me everything,” he says quietly. “But I know that something happened between you and Jimin.”

You open your mouth to object and tell him that you and Jimin are fine, but Namjoon raises his eyebrows at you, like he’s challenging you to tell him another lie. 

“Well…” you begin, resigning yourself to the truth. “Yeah. Last summer.”

Namjoon purses his lips, nodding in understanding. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“You’re not my mom, Namjoon,” you say with a smile, even though maybe telling someone about it might not be a half-bad idea after all. Plus, Namjoon’s your friend and the only one around here who’s any good at keeping secrets, so getting the words off of your chest could be good.

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to,” he reminds you, because he’s wonderful like that. 

“No, it’s alright…” you sigh. “I guess someone else has to know.” You close your eyes, willing the words to come up from your throat, willing them to not hurt you as they leave your lips. “Last summer at the campfire I told Jimin that I loved him.”

Namjoon doesn’t say a word. 

“And he doesn’t love me back, which is not the problem because he shouldn’t change how he feels about me just to make me feel better. It’s not his fault, and I’m not angry at him or anything. I knew that he didn’t love me back when I told him,” the words come up like bile, slowly and carefully before spilling out in front of you. “But I was an idiot, and I thought telling him would make me feel better, or something. And it didn’t, because now Jimin and I don’t know how to act around each other anymore, and everything sucks.”

Namjoon offers you a careful, hesitant smile. 

“So yeah. That’s what happened.”

“Sounds like you and Jimin should talk about it,” Namjoon suggests, and maybe he’s smart, and a good leader, and attends a prestigious college along the coast, and studies business and sociology, but that is the worst idea he has ever had. 

“No,” you immediately say, shaking your head. “It’s no big deal. Jimin and I are still friends.”

“Are you, though?” Namjoon asks. 

You sigh, reaching up to rub at your forehead. “Yeah, we are,” you insist, perhaps more to yourself than to Namjoon. He looks skeptical, but doesn’t ask any questions. “It doesn’t even matter. I made a mistake and now I’m gonna deal with the consequences.”

“I can try to get the rest of the boys to stop teasing you and Jimin. I know it must be weird for you both right now,” Namjoon offers, always wanting to help. You scoff. Weird would be the biggest understatement of the century. 

“Jimin and I can handle it,” you say, not wanting to disrupt the rest of the counselor dynamic just because you and Jimin are dealing with things right now. Besides, the teasing has always been in good fun, and you know the boys well enough to know that they aren’t doing it out of malicious intent. “But I appreciate your concern.”

“Just doing my job,” Namjoon says proudly. You stand there in silence for a few more seconds until he coughs awkwardly to fill up the space. “You can go now, by the way, Y/N. I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright.”

“I’m fine,” you promise, silently hoping that one day, when you talk to Namjoon, you won’t have to lie to him anymore. “Thanks for checking in.”

“I’ll always be here for you,” he says in that comforting way, that warm way that wraps around you like a mug of hot cocoa on a cold winter night. 

You crack open the door to find Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook tossing around a frisbee on the open lawn as Seokjin and Yoongi watch from a picnic bench, soda cans sitting next to them. Someone must have mentioned the green lemonade. Jungkook purposely tosses the frisbee too high for Jimin to reach, making him jump wildly in a fruitless attempt to grab it. He falls backwards onto the soft grass, laughing alongside Taehyung and Jungkook as Taehyung pulls him back up to his feet. 

You smile to yourself, the longing and the pain and the love settling deep within your heart, finding a home amongst the wishes and the dreams. Seeing him there, the widest smile on his face as he tosses around a frisbee with some of his best friends, letting the rays from the setting sun fill him up with joy, it reminds you why you fell in love with him. It reminds you why you’re still in love with him.

Something seizes up at your heart, clenching it between its fingers. That used to be you, the thing whispers. You used to make him laugh like that. 

You did. From the moment you met him, you let his laughter fill your senses, burned the sound of it into your brain. You used to be so close. You used to think that maybe, just maybe, Jimin might love you back. 

You should have never told him, it murmurs, grip growing tighter. Look at where it got you.

If I could turn back time and redo that night, I would, you fight back. 

But you can’t.

The wicked thing releases your heart, lets it drop to the floor. You don’t pick it up. 

Every year, you and the other counselors keep a scorecard on the chalkboard in the meeting room to see how quickly someone gets sent to the first aid tent, whether it be from stumbling over a twig or contracting poison ivy or drinking the green water. Last year, it took two hours and thirteen minutes. 

This summer, it happens barely an hour after all of the campers have arrived. 

You make a mental note to write down the time on the scorecard as you run over to help the poor boy off of the ground after slamming into a spruce tree while playing an early game of tag with his friends. The side of his cheek is imprinted with the texture of the tree bark, and he has some scrapes on his hands and knees from the fall. 

“Whoa, hey, you alright?” You ask, leaning down to help him up. “You gotta watch where you’re looking, okay? Don’t want you to get hurt.” 

The beauty about young children is that very little actually causes them great pain. If it weren’t for all of the overprotective counselors, the kids would probably run themselves into the cabin walls and trees for the entire duration of camp.

“I’m not hurt,” the young boy says, standing up proudly. “I’m fine. My mom says I have thick skin.”

“What’s your name?”

“Eli,” the boy tells you matter-of-factly. “That’s my cabin.” He points to the one to the west of the camp that Taehyung and Jungkook are in charge of. Why Namjoon continuously assigns them to the same cabin year after year is beyond you. Once, they convinced everybody in their cabin that Seokjin and Yoongi’s cabin was haunted, and the only solution was to out-scare the ghosts by yelling and screaming right outside. 

“Is this your first year at camp?”

“Yup,” Eli says, rocking back and forth on his feet. He is not at all fazed by the blood and broken skin on his hands and knees, nor the pieces of wood and bark sticking out of the side of his face. 

“Alright, Eli, even though you have thick skin, I have to take you to the first aid tent. Really quickly, okay? Just to make sure you aren’t gonna get an infection. Then you can go and tell all of your friends how thick your skin,” you say, already beginning to usher Eli towards the first aid tent.  

“I think I have the thickest skin out of everyone here,” Eli says, as if goading you on. 

“You know what? I have to agree with you,” you say. “I get hurt really easily. My mom always says that I need to be extra careful here.”

“I’m sick of listening to my mom,” Eli pouts, stomping on the ground as you lead him towards the first-aid tent. 

“Me too,” you agree. No point in telling him that he needs to yield to his parents when he probably won’t even remember this conversation by the time he wakes up tomorrow. Besides, it’s never too early to begin teaching kids about rebelling against authority figures. “But you won’t have to listen to everything I say, okay? We’re just gonna be really good friends.”

“Like with my babysitter,” Eli says. 

“Exactly,” you say, stopping right outside of the first-aid tent. You’re not even positive that anyone’s inside, especially since it’s barely been an hour since camp officially started. Hopefully, Jimin’s somewhere else so you can just patch Eli up yourself. 

The first aid tent is not so much a tent as it is a shed with a fabric entrance, two curtains attached to a rod above the entryway to provide some semblance of privacy since nobody in the camp is handy enough to actually install a working door. But calling it the first aid tent is better than calling it the first aid shack, which, in the wise words of Yoongi, makes it sound like “a hospital where people go to die.”

When you push open the curtain, the first thing you notice is Jungkook and Seokjin in the far left corner, each with ice packs and suspiciously identical markings on them. They’re both making desperate attempts to patch each other up, fighting with the gauze and bandages that are laid out on the table beside them, as if in a competition to see who can better take care of the other. 

Besides that, Jimin is lounging along the wall, leaning back against it as he gazes into nothing, deeply lost in thought. His eyes trace the lines of the shed, foot tapping to an imaginary beat, brows furrowed. You wonder what the hell it is that Jimin could possibly be thinking about so intently, what it is that is making him not even pay attention to the two overgrown children in the corner of his tent, attacking each other with first-aid materials. 

Watching him, you almost don’t want to disturb him. Almost want to grab one of the kits on the shelf by the doorway and pull Eli outside, partly because you don’t think Jimin absolutely needs to be present for you to clean Eli’s wounds and give him some Spiderman Band-aids, and partly because you don’t think you can bear having to say hello to him. 

Eventually, and only because Eli would start thinking it was weird you weren’t talking to each other (and not because a part of you just wants to hear his voice again), you take another step forward, coughing. 

“Wha— oh, hi,” Jimin says, the sound of your arrival breaking him out of his trance. He rubs at the nape of his neck, clearly trying to brush off any awkwardness. “How can I help you guys?” His voice is unrecognizable. 

“Eli here crashed into a tree while playing tag,” you say tensely, doing your best to look around the room, anywhere else, literally anywhere else, just so you don’t have to look at him. “I just brought him here to make sure he’s alright.”

“I’m fine,” Eli insists. 

“Well, Eli, we just have to double check that,” Jimin says comfortingly, reaching down to bring Eli over to one of the benches. He sits him down and kneels so that he can be at eye-level with him, and says, “Sometimes our bodies say that they’re alright even when they really aren’t.” Out of the corner of his eye, Jimin meets your gaze, looking at you like there’s nothing left that you can do, looking at you like there is so much that he wants to say but no way to tell you. 

You open your mouth, willing for the words to come out, but your throat is dry and your heart is pounding in your ears, a painful thud with every breath that you take. He must have known that what you said was a lie. He must have known what you were going to say when he asked, but he asked anyway, not to get the truth but to see where your relationship stands. 

As it seems, your relationship doesn’t seem to be standing at all. 

It lies in front of you, shattered into a million pieces like a broken mirror, cursed but still doing its job, still showing you this fragmented reflection of yourself. Mixed together like this, you can’t see where your friendship ends and your love began. Mixed together like this, it is impossible to repair. 

“Y/N—” Jimin begins. 

“I should go,” you say at the same time, making the two of you stop in your tracks once again. “Thanks for, uh, patching Eli up. Just make sure he gets to the mess hall in time for dinner.”

“I will,” Jimin says with a nod. There is so much that he wants to say but you don’t think you can bear listening to another word come out of his mouth, to another apology for not loving you back when it wasn’t even his fault to begin with. 

You ruined your friendship but Jimin seems to think that he is the one to blame. 

“I’ll see you at dinner?” Jimin asks. 

You look back at him, wanting so desperately to say yes, to pretend that everything is back to normal, to act like this is the beginning of last summer instead of this one, where you loved him and he didn’t know and everything was alright. But you can’t, because it’s not last summer. It’s this one, and you still love him but he knows now. He fucking knows and just thinking about it makes your heart shake in its cage, holding itself together but unable to stop itself from cracking from within.

Jimin must have known you wouldn’t have agreed. Why did he ask?

“Wait, Y/N, hold up!” 

You’re already halfway out of the makeshift door when you turn around to see Jungkook barrelling after you, leaving Seokjin in the dust as he joins you outside, pulling you away from the entrance instinctively. No one has ever been particularly good at keeping secrets here. 

“Can I help you, Jungkook?” You ask, blinking at him, trying to act as normal as possible. 

“Are you alright?” He leans in close, looking into your eyes, concern washed over his features. 

“Everybody seems to be asking me this,” you say, acting like you don’t know why. “I’m fine.”

Jungkook, for all of his wide-eyed innocence, for the way that he views the world as perfectly imperfect, doesn’t buy it. “You don’t have to tell me anything,” he says. “I don’t know what went down between you and Jimin.”

“Nothing happened,” you say, forcing a laugh just so you don’t sound miserable. 

“Whatever it is, I just want you to know that it doesn’t always have to be like this,” he says, reaching out to take your hand in his own, his calloused thumb rubbing soothingly against your skin. “But you should be honest with your feelings, don’t you think?”

“You and Namjoon both think that I don’t have a handle on this, when I do.” You don’t. And being honest with your feelings is what got you into this mess in the first place. 

“Come on, Y/N, you don’t think we haven’t noticed, have you?” He asks, soft and sad and desperate to get through to you. 

“It’s no big deal,” you insist. “Jimin and I are alright. We’ve always been alright.”

“If you say so…” says Jungkook, no less skeptical than he was when he initiated this conversation. 

“Are we done here?” You ask, already pulling your hand from his grasp so you can go back to your cabin and pretend that the rest of the world doesn’t exist. 

“Yeah,” Jungkook says, resigned as he lets you go. “But you know I’ll always be here for you, right?”

“I know, Jungkook,” you promise, because he always has and he always will be. “Thanks for looking out for me.” You begin to scurry away from the first aid tent, praying that Jimin didn’t hear you and Jungkook and wishing that everything was the way that it used to be.

“Be honest!” Jungkook shouts when you’re a hundred feet away, rushing back towards your cabin. 

Jungkook wants you to be honest?

Telling Jimin that you love him ruined your life. It ruined camp, it ruined your friendship, and it ruined your future. Seeing him now makes your heart ache and your brain dizzy. Every night you replay that conversation in your head, over and over, wondering if there was something that you could have done differently, something that you could have changed so you wouldn’t have ended up like this. Jimin wants to be friends again but you don’t know how to do that without him feeling guilty for not loving you back. 

You want to be honest?

Jimin makes you feel like there is a fire beneath your skin that you can’t extinguish, the flames creeping towards your heart. 

The only solution, it seems, is to smother them. 

The worst part about being in love with Jimin is that he’s impossible to avoid. 

You peer into the mess hall to see if lunch that day is any good and you see him laughing at a table surrounded by elementary schoolers munching on hot dogs and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. You go hunting in the storage shed for some extra packs of popsicle sticks and find him cleaning out the old flower pots to use in the greenhouse. You lead your group of campers from the arts room to the lake and see him and Taehyung setting up the net for some friendly water polo, laughing as they try to tie each other up in the rope. 

It feels like you’re watching a movie unfold in real time, one where he is the star and you are nothing but a background character, the desperate loser who confessed to him in the beginning of the film just to develop his character arc, make him seem personable and relatable, then forgotten about until the end when you spot each other on the street and nod silently to each other, as if to say you’ve both inexplicably reached a peace between the two of you. 

Is that what the future holds for you? A wordless camp, an empty conversation? Will you simply go the rest of the summer without speaking, then nod to each other right before you leave? Will this be the last time you ever see each other?

The worst part about being in love with Jimin is knowing that just because you want things to be different doesn’t mean they will be. Just because you want Jimin to love you back doesn’t mean he will. Just because you want everything to go back to normal doesn’t mean they will. 

As it turns out, love confessions don’t always end in fireworks.

Park Jimin is impossible to avoid not only because he’s everywhere but also because he is everybody’s best friend, the campers’ favorite counselor and the counselors’ favorite companion. He is kind and thoughtful and electric. He is magnetic. He makes others laugh without even trying, he names the plants in the greenhouse after the people he loves, he stays behind after activities to clean up when no one else will. 

Falling in love with Jimin wasn’t you picking out your favorite traits of his, wasn’t you seeing him do one selfless thing and deciding that he could do no wrong. It was submerging yourself in the lake, little by little before you dive in headfirst. It was catching glimpses of his goodness until you were consumed by it. It was knowing that you prefer yourself when you’re around him.

Falling in love with Jimin was like the heat in summer—endless. 

If only falling out of love with him would be just as easy. 

The weather has been unusually nice today. There isn’t a cloud in the sky as the sun beats down on you, rays peeking through the tall branches and leaves of the spruce and oak trees that surround you, casting hazy shadows on the grass beneath your feet. It isn’t too muggy, isn’t too sticky and sweaty, this perfect medium between warm and hot, between dry and humid. It’s the sort of day that you romanticize every day of summer being, only to realize that summer actually consists of sweating through three different t-shirts and needing to eat your ice cream in ten seconds before it melts into a puddle on the concrete. 

Nonetheless, camp policy has always been that when it’s a beautiful day, the campers are going to spend every hour they’re awake outside, going on nature walks and playing capture the flag and eating watermelon on the splinter-y picnic benches. It’s nice, because it gives you a break from having to tell the kids not to touch the tips of the glue guns, but it also stinks, because it forces you to leave your sweet, air-conditioned paradise in favor of a mosquito-infested summer hell. 

Luckily, the kids have been washing off the summer heat in the cool water of the lake with the counselors that actually prefer being outside, playing volleyball in the shallows or canoeing out where it’s deeper. Sometimes, you wonder why Namjoon will let so few counselors supervise so many campers, and sometimes, you decide that it’s better them than you. 

You take a seat on the picnic bench by Yoongi, who is drinking notably clearer lemonade than in days past, so you assume that Namjoon got the water problem fixed like he promised. The two of you have never been outdoorsy people. Why you’ve been working at a summer camp for the last three years escapes you both. You and him lean back against the edge of the built-in table. From here, you have a perfect view of the lake, clear and blue and filled to the brim with rambunctious children, keeping at least somewhat of a watch over them so that Namjoon can’t shout at either of you for slacking off. 

“You know that Seokjin gave you murky water lemonade earlier, right?” You ask, just to make conversation. 

“I know,” Yoongi says, wholly unfazed. He takes another sip and sighs, feeling refreshed. Without batting an eyelash, he deadpans, “You know that you and Jimin aren’t going to get any better if you don’t talk to each other, right?”

“What are you talking about?” You scoff, playing dumb. 

“Just because all of those other idiots didn’t hear what went down between you and Jimin last summer doesn’t mean I didn’t,” Yoongi mutters monotonously. 

You jerk up, stick straight at his words, eyes wide as you glare at him. He heard you?

Yoongi laughs at your reaction, reclining back impossibly farther. “Relax, I haven’t told anyone. You know it’s none of my business.”

“Well,” you sputter out, “if it’s none of your business then why are you talking to me about it?”

Yoongi frowns. “Because you’re my friend, Y/N. And I hate seeing you like this,” he says, that soft lilt to his voice peeking through the rigid words spilling from his lips. “I feel like I don’t even know who you are anymore. A lot of the other counselors do.”

You purse your lips together, guilty. 

“Especially Jimin.”

“I just need time,” you say, trying to be honest for once in your life. Loving Jimin was never going to go away without a fight. 

“You need to talk to each other,” corrects Yoongi. 

“Talking is what got us into this mess,” you huff out, dejected. Yoongi heard it himself—your confession sent you and Jimin’s relationship down the garbage chute. 

“And talking is what’s going to get you out of it,” Yoongi tells you pointedly, truthfully, in that horrible way where you know that he’s right but refuse to accept it. “Promise me you’ll try?” He reaches out to place a hand atop yours, looking into your eyes with hopeful promise. “We want you back.”

“I’ll try,” you sigh out, because it’s never been worth fighting with Yoongi. Not when he cares so deeply. 

“Try what?”

You and Yoongi whip your heads around to find Jimin standing on the opposite side of the picnic bench, helping himself to a piece of sliced watermelon. 

“Try enjoying the outdoors more,” Yoongi covers for you instantly, making you breathe out a little sigh of relief. “We both hate when Namjoon makes it an outside day.”

“It’s not that bad,” Jimin says with a smile. The only reason Jimin doesn’t mind it is because he gets the best of both worlds—half the day spent inside the first-aid tent, the other spent inside the greenhouse by the woods. “There’s beauty in everything.”

Yoongi scrunches up his nose. “Like that?”

In the distance, you spot three things: Jungkook and Taehyung, laughing evilly as they run down along the rocky beach. The clothes clutched in their hands, crumpled up in their grasps while they hoot and holler. And Seokjin, hair sopping wet and half-naked, with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist and ugly lime green water shoes on, chasing after them. 

“I’m out,” Yoongi says without missing a beat, grabbing his lemonade and dashing off to safety. Yoongi’s exit leaves you and Jimin standing there, stranded, frozen in place, as Jungkook and Taehyung rush by you, each grabbing a piece of watermelon on their way. Something falls from Jungkook’s hold as they pass you, and Jimin reaches down to pick it up. It’s one of Seokjin’s socks. 

“Give that back, Park Jimin!” Seokjin’s banshee screech rings in your ears. 

“Run,” Jimin says, and you don’t get another say in the matter before Jimin is grabbing your wrist and pulling you along with him, Seokjin’s angry caws echoing throughout the clearing. 

Even though Jimin didn’t even actually steal his clothes from the locker room by the lake, Seokjin has determined that anyone who runs from him is automatically guilty, thus lumping both you and him into a wild goose chase alongside Jungkook and Taehyung, who are almost always the guilty parties when it comes to practical jokes like this. For a few moments, it’s the four of you running across the open field with Seokjin hot on all of your heels, desperate to catch up to at least one of you despite being severely out-matched, both in athletic ability and footwear, and then suddenly Jimin is pulling you behind the shed as Jungkook and Taehyung make a sharp right, headed in the opposite direction. 

Crouched behind the shed, you and Jimin stop for a minute to catch your breath, chests heaving after doing more exercise in the last thirty seconds than you have in the last week alone. You’re pressed up against the back siding, and only after your heart rates finally slow down do you become faintly aware of Jimin’s hand still gripping your wrist, like he’s simply forgotten to let go. 

“You think we lost them?” He asks with a wicked grin, and it’s impossible to avoid his gaze when he’s so close like this, when there’s barely a foot of space between your bodies, when his fingertips still press against your skin. 

“I think so,” you heave out in response. 

“Better stay here for a bit longer just in case,” Jimin says, and it’s the flirty sort of thing that he would say if it were last year, the flirty sort of thing that he would say if you two were friends like you used to be, but you aren’t anymore, and now it feels like Jimin is trying too hard and you aren’t trying hard enough. 

“I… I mean,” you say, pulling your wrist out of his grasp, rubbing at where your skin sizzles from his touch. “We’re probably fine.”

“Are we?” He asks, and this is exactly why you shouldn’t try to talk to him, exactly why talking won’t erase the tension that has settled between you two, repair the cracks in what you are. You’re not fine, because everything changed when you told Jimin that you loved him, and you’ve never been good at adjusting. You’re not fine, because for the first time in your years-long relationship, loving him is getting in the way. 

“I hope we are,” you admit, more to yourself than anyone else. Oh, how you so desperately wish that things were back to normal. Oh, how it would be so easy if only things were just a little bit different. 

“Me too,” Jimin says, and he smiles and, oh, how it makes you feel real and true and whole. He stands back up and reaches an arm out to help you do the same. For once, it doesn’t feel like a Band-aid on top of a stab wound. It feels like a lifeline. 

You let Jimin help you back to your feet, and for some reason your heart feels just a little bit lighter. 

“You think we’re alright?” Jimin asks. 

“Yeah,” You respond with a nod. “I think we will be.”

One thing that Namjoon is big on is interdisciplinary recreation. This is half due to the fact that he attends a private liberal arts school on the east coast and half due to the fact that he doesn’t always trust some of the counselors when it comes to chaperoning a whole group of kids on their own. You aren’t going to name names, but they’re the same people that steal clothes for fun. 

He’s got a list up on one of those massive sheets of lined paper filled with suggestions for all sorts of things that combine two or more of the basic activities the camp offers, ranging from making handmade bird seed treats in the kitchen to put out on nature walks to dodgeball in canoes. Some of Namjoon’s ideas are a lot more feasible than others. 

Namjoon’s never been a pushy person. He’s repeatedly said that he purposely avoids telling people what to do within their activity sectors because he doesn’t want the counselors to think that he’s stepping all over them or doesn’t trust them to come up with their own entertainment. The list in the counselor meeting room is titled: ACTIVITY SUGGESTIONS, bolded and circled, just so everyone knows that he isn’t forcing you to do anything (if you’re being honest, the emphasis on suggestions somewhat works against his whole niche). But sometimes, especially for someone whose greatest fear is stripping away others’ creative freedom, he can be rather insistent. 

Take, for example, the two stacks of plain flower pots left anonymously inside the arts and crafts room when you walk in to set up the activity for the day. You were originally going to have the younger kids color in their own guitars to hang up in the music room—an activity that was not on the activity suggestions list—and give the older ones some clay and let them go to town, but you suppose that decorating flower pots will be just as entertaining. At least you didn’t have to go hunting for the materials. 

The only problem with decorating flower pots is that, once the campers have painted streaks and polka dots and glued charms all over them, the flower pots have a rather specific place to go. A place that is part of a notable Park Jimin’s domain. 

A sneaky little feeling beneath your skin suspects that someone may have let it slip to Namjoon that you and Jimin could do with a bit of relationship repair. And Namjoon and Yoongi have been bunking in the same cabin for as long as you can remember. 

Sighing to yourself as you begin to set up the flowerpots on old newspapers spread out on the wooden tables, you decide that spending an hour with Jimin in the greenhouse (maybe even less if you can find an excuse to get yourself out of there!) couldn’t be any worse than being crouched down behind that cobwebbed old shed with his hand on your wrist and his eyes gazing into yours. At least you’ll have thirty campers to maintain the distance between the two of you. 

You suppose that you do have the easier of the two jobs. Arts and crafts is a rather simple activity to oversee, barring the occasional papercut or glue gun burn. Luckily, painting flower pots means that you will really only have to worry about the campers mod-podging their fingers together, and even then, the bathroom is just down the hall. Jimin, with his having to wrangle the kids to garden neatly and not hit each other with the trowels, is going to have it much harder. 

There’s a part of you that knows you’ll stick around. Not just to lessen the load of campers for him, but just so you can spend a little more time in the same room, breathing the same air, pretending that things are the way that they used to be. 

When you leave the arts and crafts room to hike the ten minutes to the greenhouse, followed by all of the campers dutifully carrying their brand new flowerpots in their hands, you feel like a young bird leaving the nest. Taught to fly little by little, but one day forced to face the real world and exist without the safety net you’ve called home for so long. The arts and crafts room hasn’t always been your favorite place in the camp, but this year it’s felt like you’ve been holding on particularly tight.

Jimin is already waiting happily in the greenhouse for your arrival, this stupid old gardening apron tied around his waist with a faded picture of a cartoon cactus on the front that says free hugs. He watches fondly as all of the kids shuffle into the greenhouse, the whole room just barely big enough to fit all of you, wide eyes peeking out from behind seed packets and green leaves. 

You stay in the back corner as Jimin gets to work, having all of the campers place their pots on the tables in front of them, bright plastic buckets of soil at the ends of their tables, flower seeds waiting to be planted. 

As much as Jimin is fantastic at patching kids up inside the first aid tent, the greenhouse is where he really belongs. The harsh rays of the sun are softened by the glass walls as they beam down on him, surrounding him with this warm yellow halo, painting him into the scenery behind him. Here, amongst the lush vegetables and flowers and ferns, Jimin doesn’t look like an underpaid camp counselor carrying the weight of thirty children on his back. He looks like this fairy in the woods, this forest sprite that has grown up amongst the trees and the moss and the wildflowers, who has learned to tend to the world’s greatest garden. He looks like someone whose mere presence makes the plants smile a little wider. 

Jimin’s like that with everyone. It should come as no surprise to you that the plants feel better when they’re around him, too. 

Jimin has always been so good with kids. More so than any of the other counselors, really, though they all try their best to be fun and friendly and gentle and stern all at once. But there’s something in Jimin’s nature that just makes him the best at it, something about the way he cares for them so deeply, something about the soft lines of his face that earns him their trust the fastest. He’s good with everything that camp throws at him, from frisbees to murky water to lake monsters, but nothing has ever seemed quite as right for him as his connection with the campers. 

The children don’t know how lucky they are to know someone like Jimin. Someone who believes wholeheartedly in the goodness of others, someone who will stop at nothing to fix what has been broken. 

You think about how lucky you are to love someone like Jimin every day of your life.

“Mr. Jimin?” A squeaky little voice pipes up. It’s a young girl named Zoe, whose flower pot is decorated with a painting of her entire family, a group of four stick figures with red shirts and purple dresses holding hands together, loopy smiles drawn onto their faces. 

“Just Jimin, alright?” Jimin corrects. 

“Are you sure these seeds are going to turn into flowers?” Zoe asks, looking skeptically at the packets in front of her. 

Jimin laughs, and it is as warm as the rays of the sun that stream through the glass walls. “I can’t promise that they will, Zoe.”

“Then why are we doing this?” She pouts. 

“Because,” Jimin says, pointing to the packets in front of the campers, “the only way that I can promise that these seeds will turn into flowers is if you guys can promise to love them. Because no matter how much sun they get, no matter how much you water them, they will only bloom if you really, really love them.”

“How do they know?” Another girl pipes up. 

“Flowers are just like us,” Jimin tells her gently. “They can feel when they’re loved, and they love us back by blooming for us.” He shuffles around the back of the greenhouse where he stands, fishing through the shelves lining the walls until he emerges with a rather large pot in his hands, placing it down on the table beside him with a thud. “Take this hydrangea, for example.”

Your breath catches in your throat, the blue flowers flashing before your eyes. 

You planted those together. Last summer. You and Jimin snuck out to the greenhouse while everyone else was eating potato salad for lunch and spent the hour listening to pop songs from the eighties and planting a baby hydrangea. 

They will bloom every year, Jimin said. 

So they’ll always remind us of us, you responded. 

It’s the first time that you and Jimin have looked at each other since you entered the greenhouse. He catches you off-guard, eyes wide as you stare back at him, suddenly feeling this gut-wrenching ache from deep within your belly. And Jimin—

God, Jimin looks like he’s tried everything under the sun and moon to keep that damn hydrangea from wilting. 

“They were planted early last summer. And they bloomed, right? But they look so sad,” Jimin explains, rallying himself and turning his gaze away from you. “And I gave them new soil and watered them regularly, but I’m still missing something.”

“Love!” Zoe shouts. 

“Right,” Jimin says with a tense nod, eyes flickering to yours once more. Your shoulders slump. “But I have a lot of love to give, so hopefully they’ll be alright soon. You guys just have to remember that love is the most important thing that you can give to your flowers. Just like you and me, the flowers need to know that there is someone who loves them.”

But you do know, you want to shout out to him. You’ve known this whole summer and you knew back at the campfire and you probably knew even before that. You’ve known for so long and still the flowers that we planted together are fucking wilting. Like they can’t even bear that this is what we’ve come to. What do you mean, they need to know that there is someone who loves them? You do. And I love you. You must know that, don’t you?

You feel the vines of a thorny rose wrap around your heart, clenching it tight. It’s been in bloom for a year now, thick red petals filling up the empty spaces between your bones, nectar swimming within your veins. And when you picked it, cut it off at its stem to place in Jimin’s hand, it grew only stronger, bloomed only harder.

Oh, if only that hydrangea knew how much you loved him. 

Afterwards, you stay back to help clean up. There’s soil all over the floor, buckets knocked over in the campers’ frenzy to go play games in the gym with Jungkook, discarded paper seed packets and trowels left littered across the tables. 

Jimin doesn’t put on any eighties music. Instead, you stand there in silence, brushing the leftover soil into dust pans and buckets, placing the gardening tools on the rack by the entrance. 

Even though you know flowers don’t wilt that fast, it feels like with every second that passes, the hydrangea is a moment closer to death. The color seems to fade every time you look at them, going from its vibrant pale blue to a sallow green, no longer able to tolerate being in the same room as the two of you. 

Your love doesn’t seem like it’s going to fix it this time. 

“I didn’t know that it was doing so badly,” you say, and the words don’t even feel like they belong to you when you hear them back, making Jimin stop dead where he stands. 

“What?” He asks. 

“The hydrangea.”

Jimin looks over at the pot on the table, and he sighs, helpless. “I’ve tried everything. It just doesn’t seem to be working with me this year.”

It’s no secret to the both of you why. 

“Hopefully you can figure something out,” you offer alongside a half smile. “I would hate to see them die after only a year in bloom.”

“Me too,” Jimin sighs. 

“How have you been?” You ask him, because you never really did get a real answer when you asked him that very first day. And because no matter what you do, you’ll always be curious about him. 

“Alright,” Jimin says, and it’s not a lie. “I’m looking forward to graduating next year.”

“Yeah, me too,” you say, even though you’re only looking forward to the not-being-in-college part of graduating. Not so much the being-chucked-into-the-real-world part. “How’s the major coming along?”

“Well, physics never gets any easier,” Jimin jokes, and even though it’s a little bit forced it makes the two of you both laugh, desperate to get back to the way that things used to be, step by step. “What about you? Still going for English?”

“With a side of business so that I don’t end up a broke poet,” you remind him. “But yeah.”

“Maybe you can write me into one of your stories,” Jimin suggests. 

Oh, but doesn’t he know already? He’s the main character in every single one. All of your poems are about him. He is your inspiration and your muse. He fills up each blank page all on his own. Doesn’t he know? 

“Maybe,” you agree, even though there has never been a ‘maybe’ when it comes to him.

You nearly drop the plastic bucket of soil on your toe when you hear his next question. 

“Have you, uh, been seeing anyone lately?” Jimin scratches at the nape of his neck, clearly nervous. Your heart sinks. Out of all of the possible questions he could ask you to keep this relatively casual conversation going, he chooses that one? 

You look up at him, wondering why on earth he’s asking you this when your love has already been laid out bare in front of him, every corner unfolded so he can read across the lines like a map, memorize the splotches of color. You look up at him and you are helpless, desperate for him to realize that even with thousands of miles and hundreds of days between you, for you, it has always been him.

You wonder if the only reason he’s asking is to see if you were starting to move on. 

“No,” you mutter lifelessly. “I haven’t.” And then, like a devilish whisper in your ear, “Have you?”

You almost expect him to say yes. You almost expect to hear him recount all of the fantastic dates he’s been on, all of the loving relationships he’s been in, but instead, he says, “Me neither.”

And that? That makes your heart stop dead in its tracks. 

“I tried to, you know,” Jimin says, and each word is a puncture wound inside of you. “But I just couldn’t. Nothing really stuck.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” you tell him, because you are. Because Jimin deserves to love someone who will love him back. Someone that isn’t you, someone who hasn’t been hopelessly pining after him for a year. 

“No, it’s alright.” Jimin shrugs. “I’m kind of glad that nothing stuck.”

And if hearing the words “me neither,” leave his lips made your heart freeze up, then hearing these words set it aflame. You don’t respond, instead choosing to let the words etch themselves into your memory, carve themselves into your heart, give you hope, if only a droplet of it. Any is enough to have your heart beating a little faster.

“I miss this,” Jimin breathes out, and if you closed your eyes and pretended that you were somewhere else it would almost sound like a confession. You glance up at him, and he is so empty, clinging hopelessly onto the remnants of things past just like you, and you realize that being honest is really the only option you have left. “I miss doing stuff like this.” 

The with you goes unspoken, but it rings loud and clear in your ears anyway. 

“I miss it too,” you say, because Jimin must know already, doesn’t he? How if you could choose to go on loving him without him ever knowing, then you would do it in an instant? How loving him silently was painful but loving him like this, unbearable. “I feel like it’s been a long time.”

A long time since you both really spoke to each other. A long time since you were friends the way you used to be. A long time since you first began to love him.

“Can’t we go back?” Jimin asks, a foolish question. He should know better than to ask for something he already knows he can’t get. 

“You know we can’t,” you tell him. You’ve already tried.

“Then can we begin again?” He proposes, the two of you meeting in the middle of the greenhouse, right in front of the hydrangea. You hadn’t even realized you were barely three feet away from him until you were already there. “Please? I miss us, Y/N. Don’t you miss us, too?”

Gazing at Jimin, you feel your heart tremble. One thing that hasn’t changed is how weak you are to his touch, to his eyes, to the way that they make every part of you feel like jelly, feel like you’ll collapse without him to hold you up. You’ve never been able to say no to him. It’s one of the things you don’t think you’ll ever outgrow. 

“We can try,” you say, because being honest may be hard, and talking even harder, but now you would rather try to piece yourselves back together than spend the rest of the summer wondering what to do with the shattered remains on the floor, stepping around them instead of cleaning them up, repairing what has been broken. 

It’s like the words are music to Jimin’s ears, the way he lights up, grinning wide and real and true. He inhales and it feels like a breath of fresh air, like a brand new season has come to rest upon the two of you. It feels like relief. It feels like hope. It feels like new.

You hadn’t realized it before, but you’ve been dying to make him smile. 

Next to you, the hydrangea seems just a little bit brighter. 

It’s getting easier. 

No longer are you turning in the opposite direction whenever you see him hanging around the center of camp, praying that he hasn’t spotted you from where you stand. Nor are you making excuses about having to go help Namjoon with something or run back to your cabin whenever he shows up to spend time with you and the other counselors. 

And even though it’s still a little tense when you accidentally look up at the same time and meet eyes, even though it still feels like you two aren’t quite the same, it’s getting easier. 

You’ve even begun to eat lunch together again. 

It’s not exactly like it was before, not like when you would scurry off to the greenhouse or the shed or some other hidden place, spread out a picnic blanket and bask in each other’s company, laughing about anything and everything, but it’s better. It’s better than how it used to be, when you would always bring your lunch back to your cabin to eat in silence, drown yourself in your comforter and your thoughts, letting them pile on top of you, one by one. It’s better than how you used to pretend that you didn’t even know each other. 

Slowly, step by step, things have almost started to feel normal again. 

“You guys seem happier lately,” Taehyung commends mindlessly as he sits down across from you and Jimin, three pieces of meat lover’s pizza on the paper plate he sets on the tabletop. 

You and Jimin smile at each other. You suppose that you have been.

“Three, Tae?” The moment gone too soon, Jimin’s focus is immediately redirected to the behemoth meal in front of Taehyung. “Seriously? Aren’t you lactose intolerant?”

“The meat balances it out,” Taehyung says matter-of-factly, even though it definitely doesn’t. He takes an enormous bite out of one of the slices, eating nearly half the pizza in a single chomp. “But seriously, I mean it. You guys look a lot happier. Yoongi!”

Yoongi freezes in his tracks from where he’s walking by your table, spilling his open soda can all over his plate of pizza at Taehyung’s shout of his name. 

“Don’t you think that Jimin and Y/N seem happier?” Taehyung asks, motioning to the both of you. 

“I don’t know,” Yoongi says with a shrug, aloof as always. You chuckle to yourself, knowing fully well that it was him who got Namjoon to leave two stacks of flower pots in the arts and crafts room to give you an extra push towards talking with Jimin. Taehyung huffs, disappointed but not surprised that Yoongi contributed so little to the conversation, but he doesn’t notice how Yoongi gives you a smile and a thumbs up as he heads over to where Namjoon and Hoseok are sitting. 

“Well, I think you guys do,” Taehyung says pointedly. 

“Did we seem… unhappy to you?” Jimin asks, an eyebrow raised. 

“No,” says Taehyung. “I don’t know, you guys just seemed different. You know, I was talking with Jin and he and I were convinced that the two of you were dating last year and then broke up sometime before this summer because you guys were acting so weird earlier.”

“Really?” You ask, cracking an awkward smile just to keep the mood light because god, Taehyung really is a lot more observant than you give him credit for. “That’s so funny, honestly.” It’s not. “You know that we’re just friends, Tae.”

Next to you, Jimin is staring down his lunch like it’s insulted his family. Out of the corner of your eye, you watch as he opens his mouth to say something, anything, goddamnit, anything that will make you feel like you’re not the only one who wants you two to be friends again. Anything that will remind you that being friends is all you have left because he will never love you back. 

“You could have fooled me,” Taehyung acknowledges. “Seokjin was pretty convinced, too. We even had a bet going to see which one of you would admit it first.”

“You guys bet on us?” Jimin asks, a little horrified and a lot of something else, something that you can’t quite place. 

“Not with money!” Taehyung defends. “Marshmallows for the end-of-camp counselor campfire. But neither of you ever said anything so we ended up just dropping it and ate as many marshmallows as we wanted.”

Oh, if only Taehyung knew. Oh, if only he had heard you that night, heard you pour your heart out in front of that fire. Oh, if only he had noticed, noticed the warm yellow glow that made Jimin look like he had been bathed in candlelight, noticed those roasted marshmallows over the heat, noticed the words that replay in your head like a broken record. 

There’s a part of you that wants to know who Taehyung was betting on. A part of you that is wondering why on earth would either of them ever assume that Jimin would be the one to confess first when he has only ever seen you as a friend and you have always seen him as something more. Seen him as this dream come to life, seen him as the answer to all of your prayers. 

Jimin never would have confessed first. That hasn’t changed. 

“Thinking back, it was kind of stupid of us to bet on you guys when you hadn’t even confirmed anything,” Taehyung says with a sigh, pursing his lips together tightly. “I don’t know. I guess that Seokjin and I both really, really wanted you guys to get together.” He chuckles, but it isn’t funny anymore.

Believe me, Tae, you think to yourself. You guys weren’t the only ones.

“Eh,” Taehyung hums, shrugging to himself. He clearly isn’t as caught up about it as you and Jimin, who wonder every day how different things would be if you had just kept your damn mouth shut that night, if you had never loved him in the first place. “I guess I’m just glad to see you both smiling again.”

“Thanks, Tae,” you say, because even if Taehyung doesn’t know the whole story he’s still hit the nail on the head, and even if he can’t pick up the way that Jimin’s body has tensed up beside you, even if he doesn’t notice how normal feels like the furthest thing to describe the two of you right now, he has always wanted the both of you to be content.

“Makes me kinda sad to know you guys are just friends, even though I’m obviously not going to force you into anything.” Taehyung takes another bite of his pizza, the words just conversational to him even if they clearly aren’t to either of you.

Slowly, Jimin looks back up from his lunch, like he’s finally made up his mind. You meet Jimin’s eyes when he does, and for once you don’t dare jump into the swirling sea of his irises, for once you can hardly tell if the waves are calm or rough. For once, it feels like Jimin is looking at you the way you look at him—helplessly.

Taehyung smiles, looking fondly at the both of you. “You guys would have been cute together,” he says it because he means it. “You make each other so happy.”

He means that part, too.

The end-of-camp show is a longstanding tradition where all of the kids, divided by age group, celebrate the best part about summer and going to a sleepaway camp: being away from their parents. There are dance performances choreographed by the counselors (namely Hoseok, who has the most free time because his other job mainly consists of making sure Namjoon doesn’t lose his head), a guitar performance organized by Seokjin (who has promised not to rickroll everyone this year), and an art show setup by you to display all of the treasures that the campers have created. But your favorite part of the show is how, no matter how much time time is spent practicing and rehearsing, the performance will always end in chaos. The only predictable thing about it is its unpredictability. 

This year, as suggested by Hoseok and immediately implemented by Namjoon, the counselors are being roped into a performance of their own, one that is bound to be even more disastrous because even though you can all listen to directions, you are all also just as capable of purposely disobeying them. 

Part of you suspects that the only reason Hoseok even recommended that you all do this is because he enjoys watching the camp counselor collective crash and burn. Like there’s something cathartic about watching you go up in flames.

Nevertheless, you do it, because if not for yourselves then for Hoseok, and if not for him then for Namjoon, both of whom tirelessly to make sure that camp is a place where you and the other counselors can do the dumbest things without repercussions. If it weren’t for the two of them, camp would be a lot less fun.

Hoseok also just absolutely relishes in being in charge of something, something that involves dancing and singing and performing, which are his favorite things to do, and it would be cruel of all of you to deny Hoseok this opportunity, if only for a silly little camp performance. 

Hoseok manages to wrangle a time and space for rehearsal thanks to one of those magic scientists that perform cool things with chemicals, one that Namjoon has arranged to visit camp to give you and the other counselors a much-needed break from the endless excitement of children. 

And so, you all trickle into the empty counselor meeting room at three in the afternoon exactly, waiting to see what the hell Hoseok has come up with now. 

All of the tables, chairs, and other miscellaneous furniture has been pushed up against the walls, leaving just enough room for all of you to fit relatively comfortably, with Hoseok standing smack in the middle of the room, looking proud. 

“I’m scared,” Hazel admits to you as you pass by Hoseok to stand where the rest of the counselors have gathered. You sneak a peek at the clipboard in Hoseok’s hand, which isn’t empty this time, and is instead filled with sheets of paper that look like they belong in the hands of a sports coach, X’s and O’s and arrows littering the pages. 

“Don’t be,” you say, though the tremble of your voice is probably doing very little to calm her nerves. You end up grouped together with Jimin and Yoongi, who are both standing in silence, waiting for something to pull them out of their thoughts. “Hey,” you say softly, giving Jimin a nudge. 

“Hey,” Jimin responds, face lifting a little when he sees you. From behind him, Yoongi is eyeing the both of you, but he doesn’t seem very worried. Jimin laughs tensely. “I’m nervous about what Hoseok has in mind for us.”

You glance over to Hoseok as he talks animatedly with Namjoon, who looks a little bit in over his head. Namjoon must have known that Hoseok would spare no expense when it came to a counselor performance. 

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad,” you assure him with a squeeze to his wrist, making him smile weakly at you. 

“First Namjoon makes us sit outside, and then he makes us do exercise?” Yoongi huffs. “When will it end?”

“High time he got you out of the damn kitchens,” Jungkook mutters to himself, making all of the other counselors within earshot laugh. Yoongi turns around to give Jungkook half of a noogie before Hoseok claps to get everyone’s attention. 

“Alright, hi everyone!” Hoseok cheers. “Glad you all could make it.”

“Did we have a choice?” Seokjin asks. 

“Nope!” Hoseok grins. “Anyway, as you know, this year Namjoon and I have been thinking of doing a counselor performance at the end-of-camp show to show unity and entertain the kids, since they’re the ones who have been doing all of the work thus far to make the camp show a reality. And I, as your assistant head counselor and dance choreographer, get to set it up!”

“Oh, God,” Taehyung says. 

“It’s not going to be a super serious thing because this is camp and we’re literally performing for prepubescent children, so don’t worry!” He says, doing nothing to ease people’s worries. He turns around to face the chalkboard, and begins to magnet the pieces of paper from his clipboard onto it, page by page, as the rest of you stare on in horror. “But I have come up with a bit of a dance for us to perform…”

“Oh, God,” Seokjin repeats dramatically. 

“Anyway,” Hoseok says, clapping his hands together once more to redirect everyone’s attention from the mess on the board back to him. “It’ll be a bit of a partner dance for the first half, and then everyone gets about five seconds worth of a solo in the middle where you can do whatever you want—” when Hoseok spots Jungkook, Taehyung, and Seokjin already beginning to scheme, wicked smiles widening, he quickly adds, “—within reason, and then a big old group thing to finish it up. Does that sound good?”

“Whoop,” Yoongi deadpans.

“Great!” Hoseok says, fumbling for another piece of paper in the stack that he still has left on his clipboard. 

“God, a partner dance?” You ask awkwardly, feeling noticeably more worried than before. It’s not that you’re dreading having to dance, or even having to perform in front of a bunch of kids, it’s the idea of having to dance with someone else, a specific someone else in particular, that has your stomach doing flips. “Why did Hobi think that was a good idea?”

“It might be fun, don’t you think?” Jimin says, trying to keep the mood light. It’s clear he has no worries about the potential for being paired up with you, which might have been able to fly last year but this summer, you’re not so sure. You and Jimin just managed to start eating lunch together again without wanting to curl into a ball and hide. What’s going to happen if you have to dance with each other?

“I’m not a very good dancer,” you admit, a weak excuse for your real fear. 

“Then I’ll teach you,” Jimin says, and the words are hopeful and filled with light as he works so desperately to remind you that not all has been lost. That you can begin again. 

“Okay, partners,” Hoseok says, looking at his list. “Namjoon and Yoongi, Jungkook and Seokjin, Taehyung and Hazel, Maria and Ruby, Jia-yi and Quinn, and Jimin and Y/N.”

Shit. 

Yoongi, noticing your alarm, immediately interrupts, “Uh, is it possible for us to switch partners?”

“Why?” Hoseok asks innocently. 

And in that split second, that moment of pause, you look from the wide-eyed Yoongi to Jimin, who is gazing back at you like he’s finally got it right, like he’s finally been given an opportunity to fix what you had broken, to repair your relationship, brick by brick, if only for a stupid counselor performance. Jimin, who is smiling and smiling and smiling because you are finally eating lunch together and you are finally watering that damn hydrangea and you finally get to dance together, and everything in the world is slowly beginning to feel right, the dust is beginning to settle after a month’s worth of storms. 

You inhale, then you exhale, and you say, “I’m fine with my partner. I don’t think we need to switch, do we?”

And you swear, your heart feels lighter already. 

Jimin pops into the arts and crafts room more often these days. Sometimes he actually does it because he needs to drop something off, because a camper left something in the greenhouse or because Namjoon is making him, but most times, he does it just to say hi, just to charm all of the campers as they make collages out of old magazines or glue together fabric for no-sew pillows. 

And every time he does it, every time there is that familiar knock on the door, you nearly tumble over yourself from excitement. The best part about it is how normal it’s all beginning to feel, how familiar it is. You are almost back to where you used to be. 

Almost back to when you loved him, and he didn’t know, and everything was alright. 

Today, the kids are making cards for you to mail back home before the summer is done, before camp comes to a close and they return to their lives and you return to yours. Normally, you’d automatically send the letters back to the parents, but this time, you offer up an alternative. 

“These cards are going to be mailed back home to the people that you love,” you say, holding up your own as an example. It’s a basic one, yellow cardstock with daisies made out of construction paper glued onto it, but it serves as a good guideline for whatever the campers want to do with their own. “You just need to provide their address so that we can make sure it gets to the right person.”

“It doesn’t have to be our parents?” One boy asks.

“Nope,” you say with a smile, shaking your head. “You can send it to anyone you love. It’s just to let them know how you are, and that you miss them.”

“Who are you sending yours to?” A different girl, Rose, asks. 

“I’m not sure yet,” you say, because you don’t really need to let your parents know how you are when you text each other constantly, and all of your friends from back home can see all of the shenanigans you get up to on your social media, but a letter is no fun if only one person ever gets to read it. 

“You should send it to Jimin,” Rose suggests matter-of-factly, making you sputter out the water you were taking a sip of all over the table in front of you. 

“Jimin?” You repeat, forcing a smile. “I see Jimin all the time.”

“But you really like him, don’t you?” She asks, even though she obviously already knows the answer. Goddamn, kids pick up on everything. “I can tell.”

“Is that so?” You return, eyebrows raised. 

“Yeah, me too!” The boy chirps up. “You always look so nervous whenever he comes to say hello. Like you don’t know what to say. That’s what my mom looks like whenever she comes home from a new date with a boy she really likes.”

You do? That is news to you. 

“It’s okay, though,” Rose interrupts. “I think that he really likes you too. Otherwise he wouldn’t just be popping in every other day to say hello!”

“Maybe he really likes seeing you guys, instead!” You offer, feeling your cheeks heating up at the thought that you and Jimin have laid yourselves out bare like a board book for everyone to read. 

“I don’t think so. He looks too happy when he sees you.” The girl shakes her head. “You should send your card to him, so he knows that you love him.”

Oh, he knows, that’s for sure, you think to yourself. There’s no way that Jimin hasn’t already realized that you still love him. That you have always loved him. Even the campers have it figured out, and they’re still in elementary school. But you think that the worst part of this, the worst part of all of these freakishly observant children verbally beating you up with reminders of your relationship with Jimin, is how they seem to think that Jimin likes you back. That Jimin sees you as something more. 

Because he didn’t, last year. And he didn’t, earlier this summer. And there is no way things have changed that much. 

“You guys should keep working on your cards,” you say, desperate for the subject to drop, desperate to talk about anything, literally anything, besides Jimin. “We want to send them by the end of the week so that the people you love will get them before camp’s over.”

“So you do like him!” The boy exclaims. 

“Cards, Oliver!” You reprimand him, earning a chorus of giggles, though there is no mistaking the way your body has tensed, the way your words are shaking. No mistaking how your heart trembles at the thought of Jimin, sweet, wonderful, beautiful Jimin, actually liking you back. 

It can’t be. 

You and Jimin have always just been friends. That’s all you’ll ever be. You swear. 

You swear.

“The hydrangea looks better,” you comment as you enter the greenhouse, eyes immediately darting towards the pot on the table at the front. In it, the hydrangea has blossomed fully, its petals a vibrant sky blue, basking in the faint glow of the sun as it streams into the greenhouse, peeking between the misty gray clouds, painting everything with a hazy yellow warmth. 

“It does, doesn’t it?” Jimin asks from where he’s wrestling with an enormous packet of soil, pausing his battle to turn and look at the blossom, smiling to himself. “I think we must have worked some sort of magic.”

“Or maybe it’s just your expert gardening skills,” you tease, hauling in some plants by the door that Jimin has been meaning to bring inside the greenhouse for days now. “I’m not in here enough to make any sort of noticeable difference.”

Jimin scoffs disbelievingly. “You’re in here almost as much as I am nowadays.”

“Just to help out,” you defend weakly, pouting to yourself. It’s not like you’ve completely abandoned your air-conditioned arts and crafts room to fool around in the balmy greenhouse, soil underneath your fingernails and seeds stuck to your clothes. You just prefer to spend your free time here. Nothing criminal about that.

Plus, Jimin sure doesn’t seem to mind. 

“And for that, I thank you,” says Jimin with a grin, the bag of soil finally beginning to cooperate with him. He hauls it over his shoulder to bring into the back room, where he keeps all of the bigger tools and plants that are too advanced for the campers, and you pretend not to ogle the way his biceps bulge as he carries the soil away, the bag easily fifty pounds or more. 

What? You didn’t fall in love with Jimin just because of his electric personality. 

“Besides, you come into the arts room so often that all the kids are starting to think you work there instead of here,” you remind him pointedly. He laughs, and the sound bounces off of the glass walls, filling up the room. 

Jimin comes out of the back room, a little bit of soil smudged onto his cheek from his gloves, and he’s smiling. “Maybe I just like seeing you.”

“Next time we do a craft I’ll make sure to prepare an extra one so you can do it with us,” you joke, ignoring the way his words warm you from the inside out, convincing yourself that this is what it was like last year, too, so Jimin doesn’t mean anything by it. 

Convincing yourself that Jimin has never loved you the way that you love him. 

“Am I going to be allowed to sit next to you?” He asks as he walks up to where you’re working, that same flirty lilt to his voice, that teasing tone that he always used to use on you, especially whenever it came down to spending time together. 

“Only if you’re good,” you chide in response, leaning over to pick up a flower pot just so you don’t have to see his damn face, so you don’t have to see the way his eyes glint in the sun as he toys with you, as he presses all of your buttons with ease.

Obviously, you had seriously miscalculated how far away he was, because by the time you’re standing up straight he’s right behind you, playfully pinching at your waist, the sensation sending an electric jolt through your veins. You jump and gasp at the feeling, nearly dropping the goddamn flower pot, body suddenly turning to jelly. Behind you, Jimin is in stitches. 

“I could have dropped this!” You scold him as he doubles over in laughter, giggling and giggling and giggling, so much so that you can’t even pretend to be angry at him, too endeared by his happiness, by his pure joy, to shout at him any more. 

“You’ve always been so ticklish, Y/N,” Jimin says between puffs of air, trying to catch his breath.

“I am not! You just surprised me!” You defend, even though Jimin’s right and he knows it. Your outrage leaves him in hysterics still, amused by the way you so easily fall right into his trap.

“Whatever you say,” he singsongs, helping you haul in the last of the flowerpots. “I think that’s the last of them.”

“Next time I show up, a whole different part of the greenhouse will need work,” you say with a sigh, because no matter how much you do, no matter how much you clean and reorganize, there will always be something left. 

“The work is never done,” Jimin says with a smile, having already resigned himself to this fate. “But I think it looks pretty good.”

And looking at the greenhouse, looking at the vibrant hues that fill the room, from the rich golden marigolds to the bright pink lilies, from the rich green leaves to the soft blue hydrangea, you have to agree. It’s no wonder why Jimin loves this place so much, spends so much time in it despite its severe lack of circulation and the absence of reliable shade. It’s because everything in here he has had a hand in making. Everything in here is here because of him. 

This place will never not remind you of him. 

“It’s getting late,” Jimin says, checking his watch. “You think they have dinner ready for us?”

“God, I hope so,” you say with a sigh. “I’m starving.”

“Then shall we feast?” He asks, holding his arm out for you to take. 

You wrap your arm around his own, and you grin. “We shall.”

Then the thunder cracks, and the sky begins to sob. 

You’re barely three feet out the door before you feel the wet splotches on your shoulders, cold drops on your skin, made thicker by the leaves above your head, forcing you to retreat back into the greenhouse. Thanks to the glass, the raindrops that hit the rooftop ring like mallets on a drum, booming and loud, echoing throughout the room. 

“Damn,” Jimin says, staring out at the once sunny clearing, now shrouded in a grey haze. “It was sunny two minutes ago.”

“It’s just a summer storm,” you assure, arm still wrapped up tight in his own. “They never last long.”

“Think we should wait it out?” He asks. 

“Whatever you want to do.”

Jimin grins, squeezing you tight. “How about this? Five minutes, and if it doesn’t stop, we make a run for it?”

You nod. “Five minutes.”

Five minutes pass and the rain has no intention of letting up, seemingly getting heavier as you count down the seconds, the light grey fog that has blanketed the clearing turning to an angry deep blue, thick and endless. The alarm on Jimin’s watch goes off, signifying your wait’s end, and you open your mouth to suggest that maybe you should wait here a little longer, but barely get the first letter out before Jimin is flinging open the door to the greenhouse and pulling you out into the rain. 

You shriek as the drops hit you, little pellets of water striking you like beads, soaking your clothes and your skin everything in between. Jimin looks back from where he’s running in front of you, one hand still wrapped around your wrist, and his hair is in strands and his shirt is sticking to his torso, and you don’t think that, in your three years of knowing him, you’ve ever seen him happier. He pulls you out into the rain and he looks like a shot from a movie scene, looks like the hero in a coming-of-age film, letting the rain wash away his worries and his insecurities, letting himself be reborn beneath the crying sky. 

And he stops, and you stop, and you stand there in the pouring rain just looking at each other, picturesque frames, moments in time, letting the water soak into your skin, letting it trickle down your cheeks, decorating your eyelashes. You feel his hand sink down to your own, feel your fingers intertwine. And he is smiling, God, he is smiling so fucking wide, smiling at you like there is no place he would rather be, smiling at you like you smile at him when you think he isn’t looking, like you are the reason he is filled with light. Jimin stands there in the rain with his hand on your wrist and droplets of rain dotting his skin, and he is brand new. And you watch him, watch the way it rains down upon him, and you wonder what the hell he is thinking. 

You wonder what on earth he sees when he looks at you. 

(Is it the same as what you see when you look at him?)

“Aren’t you cold?” You ask him, feeling like your voice is a distant melody, feeling like it’s coming from somewhere else. 

He shakes his head, and you can see the rain spraying from the ends of his hair, soaked strands framing his face. “Isn’t this wonderful?” He asks up to the sky, tilting his head up to let it rain down upon him, let the droplets drizzle down his cheeks. “Don’t you love it?”

“It’s nice,” you admit, because there’s something refreshing about being here, about being caught in the midst of a summer storm, washing away the dirt and sweat and worries. 

“It’s perfect,” Jimin corrects, voice trampled by the rain, thick and heavy. “I feel like this is just what I needed.”

“Needed for what?”

He looks back at you, looks at the way your bodies are still connected, at the way you’re standing barely a foot apart in the pouring rain, and he grins and says, “Just what I needed to know.”

You don’t have time to ask him what he needs to know, what he has been so desperate to learn, before he’s pulling you back into him and up onto the deck, wet footsteps on the wooden porch as you heave yourselves out of the rain and into the counselor meeting room, drenched from head to toe. 

“Oh my God, what the hell happened to you guys?” Seokjin asks, shocked when he spots the two of you, still holding hands. 

“Got caught in the rain,” you say sheepishly, still feeling out of breath. 

“In the rain?” Taehyung asks. “For how long?”

“Long enough,” Jimin answers this time, finally letting you go to run towards the back of the room. You watch helplessly as he does, your hand clenching around nothing, missing his touch. When he returns, he’s got a dry windbreaker in his hand, crumpled up from being in his backpack for so long. “Here, use this,” he says, placing it over your shoulders, pulling the collar tight at your front. 

“Thanks,” you say breathlessly, wondering what the hell Jimin is going to use to dry himself off, clothing so soaked not even a day in the sun could dry it. 

“That was fun,” Jimin says, fixing the windbreaker over your shoulders to make sure it’s covering as much of you as possible. “Who knew, right?”

“Right,” your voice trails off, too focused on the way his brows are furrowed as he tries to dry you off with a jacket made of fabric meant to repel water rather than absorb it, mouth pressed into a pout as he shuffles it around, drying off whatever he can. 

“Maybe we can do it again sometime,” he says when he’s satisfied, gazing into your eyes, trying to get you to gaze back into his own. When you falter, he chuckles, this little huff of air dispelled from his lungs. “I’m gonna go bother Hoseok for something dry. Don’t stay in those clothes too long, or you’ll catch something.”

With that, he disappears into the other room, soggy footsteps leaving prints in his wake. You’re so busy watching his back disappear from view that you don’t even notice Namjoon coming up to you, a sage expression written all over his face. 

“What?” You challenge, not liking the way he looks so suspicious. 

“Nothing,” he says with a laugh and a shake of his head. “I just… don’t know if you really do have anything to worry about when it comes to him.” He nods his head in the direction of Jimin before vanishing, called over by Seokjin and Jungkook to complain to him about something, leaving you floundering in the doorway to the counselor’s room. 

Does Namjoon know something you don’t?

Are you missing something here?

Because as far as you’re concerned, you and Jimin are finally getting back to where you used to be. As far as you’re concerned, you and Jimin did these same things last year, worked in the greenhouse together, planted flowers together, ate lunch together (okay, maybe you didn’t stand in the pouring rain together), and you are positive Jimin didn’t love you back then. As far as you’re concerned, this isn’t different. This is normal. 

Outside, the rain has stopped, a rainbow hidden behind the trees the only reminder that it was ever there in the first place. 

Despite the fact that you will literally only be performing for a bunch of children, Jimin is insistent on teaching you how to dance. 

At least, that’s it looks like, when he asks you to meet him in the counselor’s room one day half an hour before the mandated practice that Hoseok’s arranged for the whole group of you while the all the campers are off on a nature hike with some of the local rangers from the reserve nearby. You don’t know why this couldn’t wait until during practice, when Hoseok puts on some upbeat dance music and lets everybody do what they want, which usually ends up in someone getting twirled (usually Seokjin), but you don’t really mind. Your other option was to lie around in your cabin waiting for the next social event. 

Jimin’s already inside by the time you arrive, this smooth, soft jazz playing from the little speaker that he brought with him, set up on a table at the front of the room. The furniture hasn’t been moved back to their original spots since the first practice, so anytime Namjoon calls a meeting everyone ends up sitting on the floor like a kindergarten class, but at least it makes dance practice easier. 

Even though he’s not really dancing, his body is still moving, absorbed in the music as it echoes around the room, hips swaying and head bobbing. He loses himself in the melody so easily, letting each and every note pluck along to the strings of his heart, this deep, mellow sound that fills him up like a wine glass, dulcet and sweet. 

“Hey,” you say softly from where you stand, watching him from the doorframe. 

Jimin jumps a little bit at the sound of your voice, almost embarrassed that he hadn’t spotted you sooner. “Hey,” he says in return, coming to a halt. “I didn’t, uh, see you there.”

“That was kind of the point,” you joke, walking into the room and joining him where he stands in the center. “Why did you want me down here?”

“You mean I need a reason to see you now?” Jimin teases in return, a little smirk playing along his lips. You frown, narrowing your eyes at him, unimpressed. He gives. “Alright, you got me. I promised you a dance lesson, didn’t I?”

“This isn’t the kind of music that Hoseok puts on, though,” you point out, even as Jimin intertwines his hand in your own and pulls you in close to him, the two of you stepping in time to the beat, not too slow but not too fast, either, this even, steady swing, the sort of thing an old bar would play during the evening rush. Jimin doesn’t pay your comment any attention, instead focusing on his hand on your side, your fingers laced together between your bodies. 

You have, admittedly, never been much of a musical person. You never go out to clubs because sweaty, drunk people just aren’t your style, you don’t ever dance, and you can barely keep a beat when you sing in the shower. Your body has always been stiff as stone despite your (and your friends’) best attempts to achieve otherwise, and as such, you had long resigned yourself to the fact that you do better with your mouth than with your feet. 

But still, Jimin rallies on, because you’re here, goddamnit, and even if you never dance again after this, at least you can say that you have. He moves you around the room in time with the honeyed melody, even daring to pull some advanced tactics like spinning you beneath his touch, hand held above your head as you twirl in place. And you try to let loose, try to lose yourself in the music like he does, but it’s hard when you have always been more of a wordsmith than a dancer.

What’s also not helping is how every bone in your body always seems to freeze up at his touch. 

“Relax, alright?” He says, guiding you across the old wooden floor, boards creaking beneath your feet. “It’s just me.”

That’s the problem, your brain supplies unhelpfully. 

“I told you that I wasn’t a very good dancer,” you say bashfully, unable to look Jimin in the eye when he is so close, when his body is practically pressed up against yours, when his fingertips leave burn marks where they press against his skin, sparks flying. 

It’s different than when it was raining, because when it was raining, even though you were close, there were other things for Jimin to look at besides you. He gazed up at the sky and thanked it for its tears, gazed around the clearing and surrounded himself in the navy blue haze, closed his eyes and felt the drops on his skin, felt them wash away his nightmares and replace them with dreams. 

It’s different now, because there is nothing impressive about the counselor room. Because the janky old tables and dirty windows aren’t something to be gazed at. Because Jimin’s focus is on you and only you, and it makes you feel like he’s staring right through you, like he’s gawking at your heart where it sits in its cage, trembling beneath his eyes. Jimin makes you want to board yourself up, wall yourself in, and reveal yourself bare all at once, like there is so much that he already knows but so much more that he could, if only things were just a little bit different. 

“You’re doing just fine,” Jimin promises, voice as soft as his steps, padding on the hardwood. You’ve lost track of the number of times you’ve circled the room, Jimin guiding you without reason or rhyme, just rhythm. He makes sure you’re always looking at him, reaches a hand out to tilt your chin back up if you dare glance away, keeping his steely gaze trained on you, determined to have you do the same. “Isn’t this nice?” He murmurs. 

“It is,” you agree. You don’t even have to think about your response, letting the words fall off your tongue, because even if you do feel tense, even if your bones are stiff, there is something about this that sets you at ease. 

And you stay like that, wrapped up in each other, swaying to the beat of this song, a beat that is strikingly similar to the drums of your hearts, and the moment feels as though it’s freezing. Feels as though the rest of the world is fading away, leaving only the two of you and the warm, rich tune that floats through the air, slowing down as time seems to come to a halt. 

“Do you still miss us?” You breathe, and you can see the words as they leave your lips, see them written out in puffs of smoke between you before they fade into nothingness. 

“No,” Jimin responds, equally as speechless. The word disappears quickly in front of you, replaced by his next ones, “because this is what I had been waiting for.”

The words stare down at you angrily, your eyes raking over them, line by line, letter by letter, hoping to imprint them into your skin and your brain and your heart, hoping to keep them locked up besides your love for you to replay, over and over, one of many memories that keep you up at night, that you flicker back to watch like an old film, reminiscing of who you used to be, what you used to do. 

They disappear far too quickly, and suddenly time begins again, and you get dizzy just from how much the rest of the world needs to catch up, whizzing by you in fast forward. Or maybe you’re just dizzy because Jimin has always made you feel this way, always left you gasping for air, weak in the knees, heart pounding. 

God, he makes your heart pound. He makes it drum in your ears like the Nutcracker, like thunder during a summer storm. 

“Don’t you want…” he asks, trailing off, eyes hazy and deep, absolutely unreadable. 

“Want what?” You respond, and you swear you aren’t doing it on purpose but you feel yourself leaning forward, closing the gap between you, inch by inch—

“Want to see me lift Seokjin up in the air?” Jungkook’s voice rings out into the room. “I can, you know, he weighs like two pou—whoa, alright.”

A hoard of people stop behind Jungkook as he stands in the doorway like a floundering fish, blinking at you and Jimin. His arrival does not give you enough time to part without things looking suspicious, without all of the damn counselors already making their assumptions, leaving the two of you separating awkwardly, smiling tensely. 

“What were you guys doing?” Taehyung asks, breaking the silence that has blanketed the room. 

“Practicing,” you say quickly, looking as far away from Jimin as possible. Not even you are buying into your excuse. 

“Sure thing,” Taehyung responds, eyebrows raised in understanding, already having formulated his own, likely more realistic answer. 

“Alright,” Hoseok says, appearing from behind the crowd with a clap of his hands. “I guess that means that Y/N and Jimin don’t need to be joining us today, off you guys go.” He gestures for the two of you to leave, but the only exit doubles as the entrance, which means the two of you are left to shuffle past a crowd of counselors, all of whom are staring at you as you pass them by. Jimin doesn’t reach out his hand, and you don’t make any attempts at changing that. 

You nearly suffocate on the way out, overwhelmed by the tension that has filled the atmosphere, leaving everyone helpless to it. 

Jimin goes in one direction and you go in the other, the both of you clearly too stupefied to say anything meaningful to each other, determined to spend the rest of the night apart in an effort to dispel the dozen rumors that you know have already begun to circle the camp. 

On your way back to your cabin, alone and lost in thought, you finish your conversation. 

“Do you want…” Jimin asks, voice trailing off. 

“Yes,” you say. “I want it all. I want you.”

You wonder if Jimin feels the same. 

There is something eerie about the camp late at night, when the only lights that shine are the dim yellow wall sconces outside of the cabin doors, when everyone is sound asleep in their bunks, when there is only the moon and its stars to keep you company, watch over you from their place in the universe. There’s something eerie about the quiet, not because you have a reason to feel unsettled but because you’re so used to camp being this lively, bustling place, filled with things to do and people to see. 

When you see it like this, empty and silent, it almost makes you think you aren’t even in the same place anymore. 

The one and only place that you go when you cannot sleep is the pier, extending out over the lake, the cool, clear lake, looking out into the midnight horizon, a perfect view of the stars and their reflections, cast over the water, twinkling endlessly. You take a seat on the edge, legs dangling over the water, and you stare out into the world, a cool breeze tickling your skin. 

You wonder what it is that’s keeping you awake tonight. What it is that is holding sleep just out of your grasp, your dreams suspended above your head. Camp ends in three days and for once you finally feel satisfied, feel as though you have done what you wanted and accomplished what you had hoped. The last few days of this summer are a far cry from those of last summer, where you were wearing yourself thin thinking about your confession, thinking about what you would say and when you would say it, and what you would do based on the fifteen thousand different things that Jimin could say in response, so hung up on telling him that you barely focused on anything else. 

But this summer, you and Jimin are finally starting to be alright again. And even though you don’t think you will ever move on from loving him, you have moved on from the fact that he will probably never love you back, moved on from your failed confession, and you are learning to be okay with what you have, even if it’s not what you want. 

The truth is that you and Jimin have never felt closer. Driven by your mutual desperation to be friends again, to return to the way that things were when you were together, when you were inseparable, you have been pulled together like moths to each other’s flames, like the thunder and the lightning. You can’t think of anything from this summer that you have wanted more than to be by his side again. But things are different from last summer, different because you and Jimin are not only friends but friends who have had to reckon with love, with its disastrous effects. 

So maybe that’s why you’re awake tonight. Because this summer feels inexplicably stranger than last summer, and you feel like you’re missing something. 

“I thought I’d be the only one still awake.”

You whip your head around at the voice to find Jimin standing at the other end of the pier, ink black hair hanging over his eyes, stars swimming in his irises. You can barely make out his face this late at night, when there is nothing to cast upon him a glow besides the moon and its lonely companions, but you will never mistake his soft, honeyed voice, never mistake the way his eyes sparkle and shine. He is grinning at you, warm and kind, as he slowly makes his way towards you, footsteps tapping along the worn wooden planks, until he sits down next to you, feet hovering above the water. 

“You and me both, I guess,” you feel yourself whisper, not daring to speak a decibel louder. 

“Lots on your mind?” He asks, looking out into the horizon. You sigh, too tired to respond. He understands anyway, just like he always does. “Mine too.”

You let the silence wash over you like a wave that bathes the shoreline, gazing out into a world that carries on no matter the time of day, no matter who watches over it. Like this, you and Jimin don’t need to explain yourselves to each other. Don’t need to force a conversation just for the sake of filling up the quiet night. Like this, your presence is enough, the knowledge that he is here beside you, staring out into the same sky, into the same moon and stars, is all that you need. 

Something has long gone unspoken between the two of you. Something that you can’t quite place. Jimin has had something to say for a long time but he lets his body do the talking, lets you fill in the gaps. But this time, it feels like the more you try to read between the lines the less you understand, and goddamnit you wish that he would just tell you, would just say it so you don’t have to keep wondering and wondering and wondering—

“I never did tell you,” Jimin says, breaking you out of your reverie.

“Tell me what?”

“Tell you what I was thinking, that night.”

He doesn’t need to elaborate any further for you to know what night he’s talking about. You stare down at the lake, at the way it seems to move into itself even though there is nothing to disturb it. 

“I guess I was just so shocked that you, you know, liked me like that, that I didn’t really focus on anything else. Didn’t think about why, or how, or when, or what to do. It existed separately from all of that,” he admits, breaths heavy. 

“You didn’t need to focus on that stuff,” you assure him softly. “It was my burden to hold. I was the one who chose to tell you. It wasn’t your fault.”

Does he know? Does he know that you never hated him for not loving you back? That you didn’t expect him to do anything about it? 

“I just felt so bad,” he says, and you hear the way the words prick at his tongue, leave burn marks along his lips. “Because I didn’t know what to do after that. I wanted to love you back so badly but I just couldn’t.”

And even though you already knew this, even though you were already well aware that Jimin has always only seen you as a friend, for some reason hearing him say it aloud still hurts, still pierces your heart, wounds that your love for him alone cannot fix. 

“It’s not your fault,” you promise him, because throughout all of this, no matter what, you have never, ever blamed him for not loving you back. “I didn’t expect anything. At all. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Don’t I, though?” Jimin asks, and God, he sounds so helpless, sounds like he’s tried everything under the sun to figure things out and still, nothing has felt right. “We had always been so close. I wondered why I couldn’t fall in love with you and the things that we did together when you could. I thought that I was doing something wrong. You deserved someone who would love you back, and I so desperately wanted to be that person.”

“You owed me nothing,” you declare. “You still don’t owe me a damn thing. All I wanted was for you to know.” And look where that got you.

“Knowing didn’t feel like enough,” Jimin divulges. “I wanted to do more for you than just acknowledge it. I replayed that night in my head, over and over, wondering what more I could have said to you.” He sighs, deep and slow and filled with weight, filled with a year’s worth of thoughts he never told anyone else. “You told me you loved me and it was all I could think about. Then and now.”

“You still think about it?” You wonder aloud, sad because Jimin doesn’t deserve to have this weight on his conscience when you are the one at fault, and hopeful because maybe, just maybe, your confession meant just as much to him as it did to you. 

“I can’t stop,” he confesses. And then he turns to you, turns to you in the glow of the moon, his eyes drowning in starlight, and he says, “Every time I look at you I think about how you love me.”

You don’t know what to say. You are too absorbed in the swirling sea of his irises, letting the warmth wash over you in waves, filling you up before emptying out again, shocks of cold before the heat races through you. Jimin is right there, right here, and he is gazing at you and you wonder. 

You wonder, what if. 

You wonder, what if he loved me back?

“Even when I was away from you I thought about it,” he chuckles to himself, amused at his own obsession. “I thought about you, that night, at the campfire. You were wearing this neon pink camp t-shirt and your marshmallow looked like coal and you had this warm orange glow on you, and I swear to God, that image is imprinted in my brain. I see it every time I close my eyes.”

You didn’t know that. 

“When I went on dates, I saw you instead. I would be sitting in a booth with some girl and she would be trying to talk to me about the menu and all I would see is you.” Jimin exhales, filling the pauses that he leaves between his sentences, eyes raking you up and down as if he’s trying to commit this scene to memory, as if this night on the pier is something worth remembering. “They knew, too. All of them told me that I should get over my ex before going on a brand new date.” 

Get over you? What about you was there to get over? Your love has always been one-sided. You have never known a world where it hasn’t.

“And I wouldn’t even try to explain to them that I didn’t have an ex to get over, and that you were the one who confessed to me, and that I didn’t love you like that,” he forces another laugh, like he doesn’t even believe the words he’s saying himself. “Then this summer rolled around, and I saw you arrive and I just can’t tell you in words how happy I was to see you. How looking at you just lifted my spirits.”

“I hardly recognized you at first,” you admit shyly. 

“I dyed my hair,” Jimin reminds you. That’s right. He had brown hair last summer. “And I wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t know how to without bringing up all the shit that happened last year, and things were awkward between us, and I guess…” he trails off, thinking for a moment. “I guess I just really, really wanted us to get back to the way things were, but I didn’t know how to. And I didn’t know what had changed.”

“Nothing changed,” you say, even though everything did. But loving Jimin has always been a constant in your life, a truth, and this summer was no different. “I wanted to go back to being friends with you, too.”

“I thought I wanted that, too.”

This time, you are the one who turns to look at him. What could he possibly mean by that? 

(Can it be?)

“At first, that’s all I wanted,” Jimin begins. “I wanted us to go back to being friends, I wanted us to eat lunch together and have it not be weird, I wanted us to spend time in the greenhouse and the arts and crafts room together, I wanted us to hang around the rest of the counselors without them noticing how different we were. But then I noticed that the hydrangea was wilting no matter what the fuck I did to keep it alive, and I realized that wanting our friendship back wasn’t enough for me anymore.”

You are frozen in place. You are locked into his gaze, body turning to stone, unable to even utter a single word. To breathe a single breath. And you look into his eyes, Jimin’s beautiful, ocean eyes, Jimin’s sparkling, ink eyes, and you pray. 

“And then Hobi partnered us up for the stupid camp counselor performance, and we got caught in the rain, and then we danced in the counselor meeting room and I just—” His chest heaves, words flounder. As if he has so much to say, as if the words are practically spilling off of his tongue, and yet they are still not enough. He closes his eyes. Pauses. Catches his breath. And then he asks, “If I asked you if you still loved me, would you say yes?”

“Yes,” you breathe out. 

“If I asked you if you wanted me to love you back, would you say yes?”

“Yes,” you whisper again. 

Jimin blinks.

“If I asked you if you wanted me to kiss you, would you say yes?”

You barely get out the first letter before Jimin is pulling you into him and pressing his fiery lips upon yours. His hand cradles your cheek, the other one splayed out on the wooden pier to keep his balance, dragging you into a messy, desperate kiss, one that sends sparks ricocheting throughout your body, turning your blood into liquid flames, that fills you up from the inside out. The feeling of his lips pressed upon yours makes your heart shake so wildly in its cage that it frees itself, growing a thousand times wider. The rose inside of you vanishes, finds itself replaced by a blooming, bright blue hydrangea, one that settles deeply within your soul. 

Your legs dangle off the pier as your arms wrap around Jimin’s body, curling around his torso in a futile effort to bring him closer than he already is, to feel the warmth of him press against you, sending jolts down your spine, into your bones. You feel yourself getting dizzy just at the feeling alone, kiss drunk, the rest of the world spinning like a goddamn teacup ride, but you cling onto him and you know that he will always be there to catch you if you fall. You know that he will always be there to steady you when you feel the world slipping out from beneath your feet. 

You have him, you have him, you have him. You have him, and he is right here, and he loves you like the sun loves the moon, and you love him like the waves love the shore.

When you part, you almost lose your balance and fall right off the damn pier. Jimin reaches out to grab you just in time, saving you from a watery grave (or just major embarrassment), and the two of you laugh, letting your voices fill the moonlit air, heads light, bodies blissed out. 

“Honestly, I was a little nervous you were going to say no,” he admits with a laugh. 

“Impossible,” you chide. “You know I’ve always loved you.”

No matter what, that will never change. 

“And now,” he says, pressing another kiss to your forehead, this one gentle and plush, “you know that I will always love you, too.”

It doesn’t feel like something long overdue. It doesn’t feel like something that you have been waiting and waiting and waiting for, something you have expected from the moment you told him. 

No. This feels like something new. 

This feels like your heart is in bloom. 

The end-of-camp show, no matter how much time and effort Namjoon puts into making it go smoothly, is a train wreck. But it is a train wreck in that wonderful way, in that way where you would be suspicious if things actually went according to plan, in that way where chaos and disarray reign supreme. Quite frankly, when it comes to the end-of-camp show, you never expect anything less. 

The truth is that the majority of the end-of-camp show performances are just for the counselor’s entertainment, an afternoon of fun to wrap up the end of camp, topped off by a fun meal (usually pizza) and a night around a bonfire, letting the heat warm your bodies from the inside out. Unless Jungkook and Taehyung pull some extremely ridiculous prank, the last official day of camp is usually everyone’s favorite, filled with snacks and music and laughter.

The performances by the campers go about as well as any performance by a bunch of elementary schoolers can go—that is to say, the kids remember the first five seconds of the choreography before they devolve into pandemonium, dancing as many weird, trendy dances as they can, and some you don’t even think have been invented yet. Nonetheless, Hoseok is proud, and beams at all of the campers as they scurry away from the center of the gymnasium once their dance is done, grabbing little snacks on the tables by the windows before settling in to watch the next stage. Hoseok does a good job of keeping the music current and upbeat so that nobody falls asleep, and gives the campers enough creative liberty so that it doesn’t feel too practiced. 

Lightly rehearsed, Hoseok likes to say. 

Absolute madness, Yoongi usually corrects.

After the dances, Seokjin and his hoard of campers with guitars the size of an overgrown ukelele make their way to center stage, and you and the other counselors bet on what stupid song he’s taught them all. He starts it off with everyone’s favorite and the most timeless of all tunes—Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star—before the musical highlight. 

(“It’s gonna be Fireflies,” Taehyung insists, so confident in his choice that he even wagers two of the homemade Rice Krispie Treats that Yoongi got all of the campers to make for today’s celebration. 

“It’s been too long since he rickrolled us,” Jungkook says, eyes narrowing suspiciously to Seokjin at the front of the room. “I’m just waiting for it.”

“Wonderwall, obviously,” Hoseok contributes, even though Seokjin got all of the campers from last year to play that. 

You and Jimin are both almost positive Seokjin has chosen to perform Let it Go, a song that will never truly escape you, but you keep your comments to yourselves. 

“I’m thinking Photograph,” Namjoon comments mindlessly, late to the conversation.

“The Nickelback song?” Yoongi says with a scoff. “Dude, we’re the only ones old enough to even know that song. No no, I think it’ll be Despacito.”

“If I have to hear Despacito one more time, I’m going to jump out of the f—” Taehyung stumbles on the syllable as Namjoon turns to glare at him, making Taehyung sputter for a replacement. “F… -reaking window. Watch me.”)

In the end, none of you guess correctly, because Seokjin has chosen to teach all of the campers how to play Country Road, Take Me Home, and honestly, none of you can even be mad about it because by the thirty second mark, you’re all singing along. There’s just something about that song that forces you to belt out the lyrics, something magical and irresistible. 

Afterwards, it is finally time for the counselor’s performance, which, if the camper’s excited screams are anything to go by, is apparently the peak of the afternoon. Hoseok puts on the same upbeat dance music and all of you go to town, following his choreography without any hitches before jumping into the solo section. Namjoon and Yoongi both attempt a trendy Internet dance and fail miserably, Taehyung and Hazel do a little tango that involves no accidents, and then it’s you and Jimin’s turn. 

The music isn’t really appropriate for the slow dance that Jimin taught you in the counselor meeting room, but he makes it work and you follow along, tracing his footsteps and laughing at the prickly sensation his hand on your waist sends shooting through you. You really have always been ticklish there. Hoseok only gives everyone thirty seconds before they’re booted off to the sideline, but thirty seconds is just enough time for Jimin to spin you once before pulling you into a kiss in front of dozens of campers and all of the counselors, whose hollers and hoots fill the gymnasium, bouncing off of the walls and ricocheting into your ears, when they watch you. It has your cheeks heating up something fierce, all embarrassed by Jimin’s big reveal, but the great big smile on his face makes it all worth it. He looks so happy to be here with you. He looks so goddamn happy to have you. 

It makes you feel like you can do anything. 

Ultimately, Jungkook and Seokjin get the greatest applause, because Jungkook lifts Seokjin into the air figure-skating style before Seokjin comes crashing down on him, and they land in a puddle on the gymnasium floor to the screams of all of the campers and counselors, who have never seen anything quite as artistically dramatic in their lives. 

Afterwards, you and Jimin retire to the snack tables alongside the rest of the counselors as the campers are free to roam the building, check out the art on display and eat as many ants on a log and homemade Rice Krispie Treats as they can get their grubby hands on. 

“Congrats, you guys,” Namjoon says, raising his dixie cup filled with lemonade. “It worked out after all.”

“I’m proud of you,” Yoongi murmurs to you, a soft smile gracing his features. 

“Love always prevails,” Jungkook declares, sighing happily, always a hopeless romantic at heart. You sure hope that one day, Jungkook will fall in love with someone who loves him back unconditionally, because he deserves it. 

“Which one of you confessed first?” Seokjin says, Taehyung nodding furiously behind you. You see that the bet is still on. 

“Me,” you say. 

“Me,” Jimin says. 

You both look at each other, eyebrows furrowed, clearly on separate wavelengths. 

Seokjin narrows his eyes. “Alright… which one of you said ‘I love you’ first?”

“That would be me,” you admit sheepishly, having a year’s headstart on Jimin when it comes to love confession. 

“I fucking knew it,” Seokjin says, palm out. Taehyung begrudgingly smacks five dollars into Seokjin’s hand, muttering to himself about how he was convinced that Jimin would tell you first. It makes you wonder, just a little bit, how long Jimin had known.

You open your mouth to defend yourself and your weak, weak heart, when you feel a tap on your side. Behind you is the same girl from the day that you were making cards to send back home to people you love, the one who absolutely grilled you about your feelings for Jimin. 

“Yes, Rose?” You ask happily. 

“So did you send it to him?” She questions. 

“Send what?”

“Your card. Did you send it to Mr. Jimin?” She elaborates, eyes wide in curiosity. You make a mental note to remind her to never stop being inquisitive. It will take her far. 

“No, I didn’t,” you say with a laugh, shaking your head. You look back at Jimin, where he’s laughing with Seokjin and Taehyung about their stupid bet on you, and you grin. He is so beautiful. It’s still hard to believe he’s yours. “Jimin doesn’t need a card to know that I love him.”

Not when he’s right here, and not when you know he loves you back. 

The counselor campfire is held on the day very last night that you spend together, after all of the campers have left the mountain, returning home, and you finally have the place to yourselves. Namjoon and Yoongi light it because everyone else has been banned from doing so after the Great Flame Incident two years ago, and then you all sit on the logs around the fire pit, reminiscing of the summer gone by, musing aloud about what the future holds. 

You and Jimin snuggle up together, and this night faintly reminds you of the one from last year in the way that Jimin still glows, warm and yellow, in the light of the fire, in the way he seems to make perfect s’mores no matter what, in the way that he laughs at everything that you say. But even with all of the similarities, nothing, literally nothing, could top how you feel right now, dancing on cloud nine with Jimin by your side. 

Never in your wildest dreams did you imagine you’d have him. Never in your wildest dreams did you think your confession would amount to anything more.

“You’re burning your marshmallow again,” Taehyung points out crudely, the side of your marshmallow already turning an ashy coal color. 

“Ah, fuck,” you mutter to yourself, yanking it away from the fire as you blow on it. 

“You’re never gonna learn, are you?” Jimin teases. He plucks his off of his stick, perfectly toasted, and holds it out for you. “Here, have mine.” You open wide and he pops it onto your tongue, the crisp, sweet flavor melting in your mouth as all of the other counselors groan, clearly wishing that they were somewhere other than here. Jimin’s fingers reach up to your chin, tilting your face towards him, before a thumb comes out to wipe away at the smudge on the side of your lip, a sticky white crumb that he pops into his mouth, earning another round of whines.

“Gross,” Seokjin says, nose scrunched up. “Just because you guys are in love now doesn’t mean you have to keep showing us. We get it.”

“Oh, just leave them alone,” Yoongi chides. “They’ve been pining after each other for so long, let them have this.”

“Thanks,” you murmur to Yoongi. You have a lot to thank him for. He has always been on your side, even when you weren’t. 

“Anytime,” he promises. 

“If they’re gonna be like this next year, then I don’t know how long I’m going to last,” Taehyung admits with a fond sigh, because no matter how much he pretends to be annoyed, you know that he’s happy for you. 

Namjoon sucks in a breath. “Uh, yeah, about next year…” he says, wringing his hands together. “I’m not going to be coming back.” You fall into silence, the only sounds the crackle of the fire, the rustle of the wildlife in the woods. “I have another internship at a firm, and then I’m going to be going into the job market, so I don’t, uh, I don’t really see myself coming back here.”

“Me too,” Yoongi chirps up, earning a surprised look from everyone else. “I’ve just been given an offer to produce music for this small record company, but they’re located across the country, so I’ll be moving soon. I guess—well, I guess now’s as good a time as any to tell you all.”

“Congrats,” you tell him, sad to hear he won’t be back but thrilled to know he’ll be doing something he truly loves instead. “Seriously, Yoongi. That’s amazing.”

“Yeah, man, that’s sick,” Jungkook pipes up. “When you’ve won your Grammy you have to remember to mention us.”

Yoongi chuckles to himself, small and quiet, but even in this orange light you can see the way his cheeks are turning cherry red, relishing in the praise. “I’ll miss you all,” he says. 

And slowly, one by one, you all begin to admit that even though you love it here, being a camp counselor had always been temporary, and it just wouldn’t be the same without everyone else here with you too. You and Jimin will be graduating this coming school year. So will Taehyung. Seokjin has a Master’s degree in acting that he wants to pursue. Even Jungkook, who is younger than all of you besides Hazel, has said that he plans to travel with his college lacrosse team next summer. 

“Damn,” Taehyung says when everyone is finished, as you all begin to count how many of you there will be left for next summer. “Who’s gonna do Namjoon’s job?”

“I already asked,” Namjoon says with a proud grin, “and Hazel said she is happy to take on the responsibility.”

“Oh, fuck yeah!” Seokjin shouts, giving Hazel a massive hug, nearly crushing her in two. “Hell yeah, Haze! You are going to be kick ass at that. I’m proud of you!”

The rest of the counselors soon follow suit, congratulating Hazel and cheering for her future. It almost makes you want to come back, but you know that Hazel will be fine without you. As long as she still has her secret stash. 

“Nice work, Haze,” you tell her, earning a shy smile from her in response. “You’ve always been a leader.”

“I’m just nervous I won’t be as good as Namjoon,” she admits timidly, clearly a little overwhelmed at such an enthusiastic response. 

“You have nothing to worry about,” Namjoon assures her. “I know you’ll be fine. Plus, you won’t have all of these losers to worry about, so your workload will be much lighter.”

“Hey!” Seokjin, Taehyung, and Jungkook all shout at once. 

“Don’t get me started on the two of you,” Namjoon chides, eyes narrowed. “You’ve caused me more stress than my senior thesis.”

“Out of love,” Seokjin swears, Jungkook and Taehyung nodding enthusiastically next to him. Namjoon rolls his eyes, even though you know that he secretly loves the extra work that they give him. It keeps him young, in that old-timey kind of way. 

“Then I guess this is it, isn’t it?” Hazel asks, standing up and holding out a finished s’more, already taking on her newly-bestowed head counselor duties. “I suppose I’ll do the honors. Congrats to Y/N and Jimin for finally figuring their relationship out, congrats to Yoongi for getting into that record company, congrats to Namjoon for getting his internship, and congrats to everyone else for doing what they love, and for not letting their dreams be dreams. This summer feels sort of like the end of an era, in a way, don’t you think? I mean, lots of us are moving on to bigger and better things, celebrating the past and aspiring to become people that we hope will be admired in the future. And I guess that I just want you all to know that no matter who you become, no matter what you do, I’ll always be someone who admires you.”

If you were a little drunk or just a little more sentimental, Hazel’s words would almost bring tears to your eyes, but instead you just join everyone in cheers, standing up and clinking your s’mores together.

And in a way, it really does feel like the end of an era. No more summers on the mountain, no more late-night camp pranks, no more hydrangeas in the greenhouse. You’re moving on, not only from this part of your life but from your almost-fruitless quest for love, from the place that led you to fall so deeply for Jimin, the place that has housed every memory you have ever saved of him. You’re moving on to a world where Jimin is with you every step of the way, where you know that he will always be there for you, where you no longer have to fight yourself to keep from loving him, where you have to do everything you can to preserve an already-fragile friendship. 

No. Now, you can take your first step forward with Jimin by your side. 

“Cheers!” Everyone shouts. 

“Cheers,” Jimin says to you, pulling you in for a quick little kiss, and no matter how hot the campfire burns Jimin’s lips upon yours will always be what warms you from within. “Cheers to us.”

You grin against his lips, pressing back because you can never get enough, and you murmur, “Cheers to us.”

“Hey! Jungkook!” Seokjin shouts right as Jungkook hops into his car. “When we text you in the group chat you better fucking respond!”

“I will, I will!” Jungkook screams back, voice so loud you can hear it despite the fact that all of his windows are rolled up. 

“No, he won’t,” Yoongi deadpans as he passes you by, duffel bags hanging from his shoulders. “You know he won’t.”

“He never does,” you agree. Getting a text from him is almost as impossible as winning the lottery. “I’ll call you, alright? I know you don’t really like texting, either.”

“Talking is just easier,” he says with a nod. “I’m looking forward to it. Call me whenever you need me.”

“I will,” you promise, watching as Yoongi bids you one final goodbye before heading to his own ride. He plops his bags into the trunk of Namjoon’s car before getting into the passenger seat. Namjoon pushes his head out of the window to wave, smiling wildly at you as he starts the car. You grin, waving back, and watch him, Yoongi, and Jungkook, disappear down the mountain. 

“You’re next, right?” 

You whip around to find Jimin standing behind you, a frisbee in one hand and a suitcase in the other. He won’t be leaving for another couple of hours, when Taehyung’s finally ready to go. They live close to each other so they figured they’d save money by splitting an Uber, which will be waiting for them at the bottom of the mountain.

“Yeah, gotta get back before college starts,” you say, dropping your bags at your feet. “But we’ll see each other before then, right?”

Jimin and you attend universities on opposite sides of the country. Loving each other is the easy part. Staying in love is what will challenge you. 

“Of course,” he promises. “I’ll visit whenever I can. And I’ll come see you on all my breaks during the semester, too. You and Jungkook.”

“Good, you better,” you say, and you pull him in for a bruising hug because you know that this will be the last time for a while. Not a long while, but a while, and even if you have committed every slope of his figure, every inch of his face to memory, you still have to remember how warm he is when you hold him, how soft his lips are when they touch yours. Those things… those are new. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll see you soon,” he assures you. “But I’ll miss you too.”

Several feet away, Hoseok honks the horn of your car to let you know that you’re all ready to go.

“I’ll call you when I’m home, okay?” You promise, pulling him in for another hug, one last time, feeling this strange desperation rush through you, like you won’t see him for weeks and this is all you’ll have left. “Isn’t it weird? You’re right here and I miss you already.”

“We’ll see each other again before you know it,” he says, pressing his lips to yours in a sweet, quick kiss. No matter how many times he does it still sends sparks shooting through your veins, but you suppose that that’s just another thing you’ll have to remember. When you part, he notices your worry, eyes softening at the sight. “Hey,” he says, lifting your chin up so you look at him. “I love you.”

You crack a smile. “I love you, too.” 

It’s not a goodbye. 

It’s an until I see you again.

You grab your duffel bags and hike them over your shoulder, footsteps heavy and weighted as you slowly make your way towards your car. Every four steps or so, you turn back just to make sure that Jimin’s still there, and sure enough, he’s watching you, this lopsided, love-drunk smile lacing his features. 

You place your bags in the backseat of your car before heading to the driver’s side, hand on the handle as you look up one final time. 

There Jimin stands in the middle of the clearing, the warm afternoon sun bathing him in a halo. There he stands, beautiful, and kind, and lovely, and in love. And you are so in love. You wave. He waves back.

And you know that you two will be alright. 

You jump into your car and tug the door shut behind you, keys in the ignition, engine revving, and you sigh, content and feeling confident in life. You peer into the rearview mirror to see Taehyung running up to Jimin, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and waving goodbye to you. You lift your hand up in response, watch as they bid you farewell as you creep towards the slope down the mountain. 

As you drive down the mountain, you take a deep breath, inhaling the fresh summer air, and you smile. 

↳ links are broken, but don’t forget to message me with any thoughts or feedback!

[takaraphoenix]

Ship game!! What about Nico and Will?? It’s pretty popular, but I don’t think I’ve seen you write much of it…

That's an interesting one in that I have vocalized my reasons for disliking it way back when it first became popular but instead of just linking that, it has been years so I think it's time for an updated version.

Firstly: This post is gonna be properly tagged and not crosstagged so if any shipper comes across it and feels the need to bitch about it, just don't; your lack of curating your own tumblr experience is not my problem! ;D

Now, there are three key factors that play into my dislike of this ship: How it was written, what it represents, how the fandom around it acts.

1. It’s rushed and uncomfortable

In BoO, it was incredibly rushed. They had literally five sentences of interactions before they walked into the literal sunset together. Five. It was just entirely born from Riordan's Noah's Ark Complex, where he just can't let people be single. The series was ending and he needed Nico to have an endgame so he rushed into some random romance with zero build-up.

The way their interactions went down was also severely uncomfortable for me. Will was acting so offended by Nico not wanting to go to camp and be friends in an entitled way that he had no right to be, he downright guilt-tripped Nico about how he had wanted to be friends. Nico has been just so severely traumatized at such a young age and his coping mechanism, as unhealthy as it was, was to run away and hide. Will acted like Nico not wanting to form attachments to people who could potentially leave him again was somehow just an Edgy Emo Decision and not a direct reaction to his trauma. His entire approach to Nico was basically all these hippie posts of "Don't have depression!! Just go out into the sun and stop being depressed!", which is already a bad take with non-medical people but he's supposed to be a doctor (and let's not get into the shadiness of him technically being Nico's doctor).

There is also an inherent "I can fix him" angle to this ship and to me, only few ship dynamics are more uncomfortable than that. If you want to fundamentally change a person's behavior and personality, you... don't actually want to be with this person.

Now, here's where my points overlap, because the following parts of their writing that bothers me also stand for what this ship fundamentally represents.

2. Solangelo is a queer ship written by and for straights

I'm a queer woman and as a queer woman, I want queer wish-fulfillment, not what straights want out of queerness. I'm kind of tired of that, I've been sitting through it for enough decades now. That's, of course, not to say that no straight writer can give proper queer representation, but far too often do straight writers - even the most well-meaning ones - project straight desires of queerness into their queer representation.

Let me explain that closer through this ship.

Nico's been in love with Percy for years and I'm going to do my best to not hijack this post with some Percico agenda; that's not what this his about, this isn't some "my ship is better than your ship" ship-war nonsense. It's simply a canonical fact that Nico has had romantic feelings for another character for years.

A character who, in this medium, is heterosexual. And if you're queer, you've been there. In love with your straight best friend. It's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason.

We have also all been well-meaningly rejected by said straight friend.

And here's the straight desires for you: The queer person who was in love with a straight person just immediately stops having those feelings and will then as quickly as possible fall in love with the next queer person they meet to be happy and no longer uncomfortably in love with a straight person, because that thought makes the straights uncomfortable.

Queer wish-fulfillment would be for Percy to return those feelings, for the queer character to get his first love, to not be rejected. That thing queer teens always dreamed about for themselves.

Aside from the wish-fulfillment angle, the pacing is another problem. Let me repeat, Nico was in love for years. But a five sentence conversation with Will once causes a crush on Will and we see him physically turn away from Percy and toward Will just immediately to rebound and actually fall out of love with Percy and in love with Will. Anyone who's ever been unlucky in love will attest to just how unrealistic and ridiculous the pacing here is.

It's also straight queerness in another respect; Nico has been the first ever queer character we meet in that world. He loves a straight guy - and to get over that, we introduce the second queer character. Because heaven forbid there are multiple queers to pick from. No, in straight-written queer romances, there is always that one main queer and then they introduce a second one and the two just immediately hit it off and develop a romance like all a queer person needs to form attraction to someone is the confirmation that the other person shares your sexuality.

Also the notable gay guy on gay guy ship here, whereas the more queer-wish-fulfillment option would have also included more nuance to the queer experience, because Percy doesn't have to be heterosexual just because he has only been with girls so far. It's a very old-fashioned - think 90s and early 2000s - kind of straight-written queerness that there are only exactly two homosexuals and that those two homosexuals then pair up.

And, listen, I'm not immune to these outdated straight-written queers entirely, I have many such ships that I grew up with that I am still fond of because they were groundbreaking at that time and they weren't outdated yet back when they happened in said 90s and early 2000s. I am however a grown woman now and just like I have grown, so has queer rep so I am not as easily baited into falling onto my knees in gratitude for canon rep. You have to go with the times. And this ship, by all that is given to us, is just entirely outdated straight-written rep.

Which, I mention earlier that even straight-written rep can be good. If the author tries. Riordan doesn't really try though; he does the bare minimum when he writes any of his rep - and there have been many, many more qualified voices being very vocal about his depiction of people of color and, as a woman, I've been vocal about his depiction of women. I don't want to derail this post with all of that, but I do think that it bears mentioning that Riordan doing rep but only doing a bare minimum and not putting in the necessary work to deepen the representation he wants to give is a repeating pattern that has been pointed out many times by now.

(I’d also like to point out that no, it is not just the ship and not just the listed instances that make it straight-written rep for straights. It’s Nico’s entire queer arc, starting with his forced coming out. A severely traumatizing event that is completely brushed over because the straight author doesn’t understand the impact this has on queer people. Not to mention the framework; Nico’s coming out isn’t Nico’s story, it happens in Jason’s POV, it is given to us through the POV of the straight bystander who gets to be Best Ally by assuring Nico that being gay is okay. This kind of coming out is not a queer wish-fulfillment, it’s a straight wish-fulfillment of getting to be the straight savior, the ally to show the gay the light of acceptance. And, additional to the ridiculous pacing of how fast Nico gets over his love for Percy, Nico also gets over years of internalized homophobia just because of, I don’t know, Jason’s few encouraging words and the fact that Will paid attention to him? For a gay kid who was in the closet all his life, the nonchalant way in which he publicly confessed his crush to Percy at the end made absolutely no sense and was written as basically a joke, finished off with Nico literally high-fiving Percy’s girlfriend despite those two never having seen eye to eye before but this is straight wish-fulfillment so all straights are Super Allies, because that’s the way straights want to see themselves, even though Annabeth has shown before just how jealous she can be and she most definitely wouldn’t go around high-fiving people who confess to her boyfriend. Nothing about Nico’s queer arc in HoO felt natural or queer or satisfying.)

Sure, Solangelo on a surface level is big because it's a canon queer couple in a YA book-series and kudos for that and yay for the kids who get to grow up seeing queers in YA books, but I actually do think that kids growing up with books written in the 2010s shouldn't grow up with 1990s levels of representation, because the 2010s overall are actually at a far more nuanced and better level of representation when it comes to queerness. And I do reserve the right to quit on too straight-written and too outdated queer rep in a landscape where I can get more satisfying representation elsewhere; we don’t live in times anymore where you necessarily have to love every bit of rep because it’s the only one you get.

Now that we've gone through my first two gripes, let's wrap this up with the final point, because it also directly ties into this.

3. The new wave of antis hiding behind this ship

A huge part of the fandom is so busy kissing Riordan's ass solely for giving them queer rep at all they think that both the author and the ship are beyond flawless and that kind of attitude is not good. Just because an author includes rep doesn't make either perfect. Absolutely no one is beyond critique - especially not when said critique comes from the very people the author is representing. And even beyond any "valid" critique on the ship, quite frankly, someone should also be allowed to just not like it, without any reasons given at all.

But there is a certain... protective obsessiveness about this ship that doesn't allow a not liking. Very similar to how PJO bore this mindset around Perc/abeth already. It's okay to have OTPs, even OTPs that you have a blindspot for and just don't want to see any flaws in. It is however not okay to then go around attacking people who don't like the thing and mind their own business.

Solangelo's bred a new generation of antis in this fandom. And, particularly with the fact that this post too receives an "anti" tag, I feel like there needs to be a clarification (because tumblr likes to forget what actually makes an anti). Not liking something doesn't make you an anti, venting in properly tagged posts doesn't either; it's the people who harass others, who seek out the content they dislike to then complain that it even exists and who actively try to make others stop creating for it - those are antis.

And with Solangelo's popularity, there was a high rise in Percico antis, who sought it out, were unnecessarily nasty about it, harrassed creators and tried to enforce some kind of "Solangelo supremacy" that won't allow other ships for the characters.

I've been in fandom long enough to be perfectly aware that not all Solangelo shippers count into this category and that there are completely normal and nice Solangelo shippers, but this is a Venn diagram where the overlap between Solangelo shippers and antis is too large to not widely associate the nasty people with the ship itself. (I've been there myself, shipping the very ship behind which a fandom's antis all hid. The second-hand embarrassment of having these people give the ship a bad name is horrendous and I do feel bad for all the normal Solangelo shippers.)

The more often I encountered these people, who made Percico bad (sometimes in wildly ridiculous manners that bent and deliberately misinterpreted canon) and who in the same breath praised Solangelo high, the more tired I grew of that ship. It's a simple game of association, really. You see that linked to the gross and nasty behavior and you start associating the ship itself with that gross and nasty behavior - and with all the things I said before that already weighed into my dislike of the ship, this just was the final tipping point, really.

And that's it. That sums up why I dislike Solangelo. It was hastily rushed, uncomfortable in its execution, it is outdated rep that very much feels as straight-written as it factually is and it does not feel aimed at me as a queer person but rather at the straight audience and it has gathered a cult following of quite uncomfortable people who on their own would be reason enough to avoid it so you can avoid them.

Send me a ship and I will explain why I do or don't ship it

[jiminrings]

Lunchbox lovers request:

So I would love to see a sit down talk between yoongi and mc. Just so like mc can sort her feelings out about everything, and like get advice about forgiving Kook. Idk, I just want those two to have a chat between besties.

-🐞

cold senior!y/n x stem major koo masterlist :D

yoongi will be on y/n’s team — always

“what do you want for dinner?”

yoongi had the best afternoon nap anyone could ever possibly have

it was a mid-afternoon nap actually and something about it just hit different this time

there’s days when it’s extremely warm y’know? not hot, but like uncomfortably warm

it was that uncomfortably warm afternoon when everyone’s collectively feeling sleepy?? turn the airconditioning on to its coolest and sleep without a shirt on and be surrounded by a pillow on both sides......?

yeah that afternoon nap awhile ago really put yoongi on a happy mood

he’s not asking what you want for dinner because he slept good :D

excellent afternoon naps aren’t the only things that make him this way!! lol you could also count days when he receives a random gift out of nowhere and the days when you replace the toothpaste instead of him

but really, whether or not he gets these instances, he genuinely just asks you what you want for dinner so he could either cook it or order it

“what do you want for dinner?” yoongi nudges you from your spot on the couch, about to invade your personal space again and lie down on your lap before you get to cooking

you only hum in response, your best attempt at returning his affection coming in the form of tussling his hair

“we already have dinner, yoongs.”

omg that’s nice then

“you already cooked dinner? even while i was still asleep? wow, look at you,” he praises you abundantly, attempting to pinch your nose when you dodge him

.... that’s the thing though

yoongi watches you visibly freeze when you were doing anything in the first place besides watch your show in a still position

“i didn’t.”

oh

if your dorm was already silent, it became even mORE silent now

if you didn’t cook, then that means-

“jungkook brought dinner.”

yoongi finishes for you and it’s the far worse equivalent of two mothers bringing their own turkeys for thanksgiving

the show you’ve been rewatching is white noise at this point that you can’t recognize anything in this room besides yoongi

it’s been two weeks

that’s literally half a month

two weeks ever since jungkook’s been pouring active effort into working for your forgiveness and normalcy with him out of his own volition

alright maybe you’ll just focus on the gray streaks in yoongi’s new hair <3

and maybe he’ll just focus on the blue stain on your pink pajamas because he put them in the same load when they were newly-purchased <3

yeah but no you can’t do this forever

he can’t do this forever

you and yoongi can’t do this forever

the two of you can’t keep dancing around each other whenever the mention of jungkook pops up because the two of you have two dRASTICALLY different perspectives

right now, yoongi’s just awkwardly laying on your lap and he’s can’t even look up ay the ceiling

“do you wanna talk about it now?”

you end up caving by asking him first, a sigh of relief from holding it in which makes him relieved because he didn’t want to initiate that

“yeah, let’s talk,” he pulls himself up and he’s now looking at you with much embarrassment, “can we even have this conversation while completely sober?”

yoongi’s really rEALLY looking for a distraction to help ease this discomfort in his chest

okay you get where he’s coming from

“you mean you wanna share a joint with me while we have a long-overdue conversation?”

you chuckle at the mental image of yoongi seeing literal stars and freaking out about it, probably crying while he chats to you

“mhmmm. would probably calm our nerves. o-or maybe just mine, atleast.”

to be honest, he doesn’t even have quite a clue on wHY he’s nervous!! it’s the two of you and you’ve always been comfy with each other

that’s the whole foundation of your friendship — you’re fully comfortable with each other and the two of you find it difficult to be this comfy with anyone else

if he really delves deeper into it though, yoongi would know that the reason he’s so nervous for this conversation with you is because he doesn’t want to fight with you

you’d only have occasional tiffs and arguments ever once in a while, but never a fight!!

he’s not assuming that your conversation would turn into a fight, but that possibility scares him still because what if he loses you?

:(((

and if the two of you do fight, it would be over a junior named jungkook who broke your heart and probably insulted you to your core

he doesn’t want to romanticize it either, but if the two of you do fight, yoongi would want it to be something entirely else

he’s willing to have a fight about being messy and how it frustrates you so much

he’d pick a fight over his clingy habits and how it sometimes makes you feel insecure

he’d pick a fight over how he wants to be your number one best friend so bad that it’s beyond unhealthy he’s making it a competition

he’d want a fight over him being a lil insecure of seokjin at times because the two of you get along so well and know much mORE things than he ever could and he can’t always be included in the inside jokes

what yoongi doesn’t want is to fight over jungkook.

“that sounds nice,” you agree because maybe you too are feeling a little antsy, “but we could do that after.”

he nods, his hands curled to his lap that he only meets your eyes now

“okay.”

oh my god

what now

everything’s put out of the way and it’s now the part when you actually tALK

“are you mad at me?”

you take the first approach and it’s already heavy right from the start, the question weighing especially hard in your mind the past few weeks

“what? no. i could never be mad at you,” he answers just as quick and precise, “i’m mad at him.”

“and i understand that.”

you really do know where yoongi’s coming from because after all, you’re the receiving end of all of jungkook’s words at the time

but that’s the thing!!!

that’s tHEE thing that bothers yoongi the most

you have this feeling of guilt because you feel like you’re betraying yoongi in a way

“then why are you letting jungkook in again?”

it’s as if it’s a double-edged sword and merely entertaining jungkook would be a stab in the back to yoongi, even if you don’t owe him anything

“because i understand him too.”

yoongi deadpans at that, a tired sigh falling instinctively from his lips but his mind’s more awake now

“god, seriously?” he shakes his head and outstretches his hands to hold your shoulders in place. “y/n you are the most lovable person i know. you believe him when he told you otherwise-“

“i-i know it isn’t true. it’s not true when it comes from jungkook.”

your voice wavers but it’s not the only thing that’s coming in waves, your resolve blurring even more when you see yoongi fighting back his own tears

“but when it comes from me i-“

“it’s not true either.”

all that yoongi does is take you to his chest the moment your body feels limp with the sigh that escapes you, a knowing body of tears coming next

your parents’ divorce is the furthest thing from fresh but the impact it placed on you renews without warning, the thoughts coming in waves

they were sure to reiterate over and over again that it wasn’t your fault, but god the way that they never even bothered afterwards made you think otherwise

“i-i just feel like a placemarker and neither of them came back for me, y’know? don’t get me wrong, i love my aunt to pieces and she’s family and-“

your faint sobs rack your ribs and yoongi can feel them, a relief that your face is buried to his shoulder so that you wouldn’t see him cry

“jin and i are your family too.”

they are but deep down, you know it’s a whole other ball game

“b-but that’s because you’re unrelated to me. i don’t remind any of you of the other. i’m not your daughter.”

it really wasn’t as harsh as how your words cut out, but it just breaks yoongi’s heart to know how difficult is must have been and is for you

you mumble when you calm down enough, playing with a loose thread on the cardigan you’ve gifted him on his birthday this year

“jungkook didn’t know that sore spot. he couldn’t have, but i’m not defending him either, yoongi.”

you mean it with full sincerity and he’s trying to digest your words as best as he could before his bias gets the best of him

“it’s on him for being horrible to me, but it’s on me for relating what he said to what i felt a long time ago.”

yoongi opens and closes his mouth, but before he does, you’re lifting your head up to interrupt him

god he’s aLSO crying

“use the sleeves to wipe your snot, dumbo. it’s not even that expensive!!” you chuckle when you urge him to do so, making him both frustrated and sheepish because his goddamn snot interrupted you

you lean on his shoulder and stay that way, this time being a rare occurrence in which you cling to him like a koala

“and i know that he shouldn’t have said those things to me either way. i do.”

yoongi nods at that, capturing his point fully

he insists on patting you on the forehead, drawing circles and definitely not a penis as he drawls his words

“he can’t take back what he said, y/n.”

“but that doesn’t mean he can’t redeem himself, yoongs.”

you offer him a timid smile, turning into a bigger one when you know just the right approach to satiate him enough

“jungkook taking accountability is the bare minimum, though,” you chuckle when he nods eagerly to the point he gives himself whiplash, “which is why i’m being smart and haven’t fully forgave him yet.”

…

…..

yoongi sighs when the two of you spend the pause in silence, speaking in all honesty

“i don’t know if i can forgive the little shit.”

“you don’t need to.”

you say just as genuine, a reassuring smile on his face to ease the focused knot on his brows

“you don’t owe it to me, yoongs. i know what you’re thinking.”

you really do

he tends to look at you in high regard even when you tell him that he shouldn’t, and it leads to him with the mindset that he really should appease his best friend at all times

“i eventually will,” he admits quietly. “just not now.”

“that’s okay too.”

it was supposed to be another bout of silence but yoongi actually breaks this time, blurting out words once he felt that the coast was clear

he just needs to get this off his chest before this heart-to-heart moment dwindles

“i don’t want to sound weird, but you’re like, my platonic girlfriend, y’know? my soulmate in a very platonic way, but no one says either that your soulmate has to be in a romantic sense and-…”

you exclaim in relief, your eyes rolling to the back of your head when you jolt him by the shoulders

“god, finally. i’ve always wanted to tell you that i feel the same. you’re my soulmate, i’m pretty sure. my very, very platonic boyfriend i live with.”

yoongi sighs, stares, then fiNALLY heartily laughs in relief

everything’s out of the way :)

“we’re good. we always will be.”

you’re about to get up to fulfill yoongi’s suggestion earlier, being cut short when he gently pulls you by your forearm when you stood

“i’ll always be on your team — you know that right?”

yoongi means it with his whole heart, just one more reminder he wants you to reaffirm in your mind for the night

“i’ll always be on yours too, yoongs.”