#wtf i have never been this soft no one hmu

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 24: OH...HI

after months and too much longing, you finally meet corpse in person.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 3.8k

author’s note: we did it joe.

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous. ҉   next.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

You woke up. That’s a lie, you didn’t sleep. Too much to plan, too much can go wrong and you’re...Not nervous, no, that’s not quite accurate. Excited. Yes, excited, so excited that two Redbulls and three coffees (so far!) make you jitter around the apartment like a butterfly that can’t find a flower bed to rest on. 

Rae has almost had enough of your...random spurts of energy. So what if you ran a few laps, climbed a few tables, sang karaoke a bit too loud and yet another noise complaint had been issued? It arrived exactly an hour after your concert via your displeased landlord. Rae was, of course, the one to apologize because you were too busy trying on miniskirts. After that ordeal was taken care of, no sooner than Rae shut the front door with an exhausted sigh, you emerged from your room clad in your prettiest outfit. You present it to her with a bright smile and flourish. 

She is not impressed.

“Will you quit it?” She questions, arms crossed over her chest. Your grin does not damper -- you’re used to such harsh treatment, having accepted her backhanded way of showing love long ago. Instead, you flick your wrists, showing off an ungodly amount of rings. You’re not certain of the exact number because you can’t count, “Y/n.” Her voice gains an edge, but you persist. Show off your shoes that have cute lil’ charms that jingle jangle not unlike the spurs on a hot cowgirl’s boots, “Y/n.” Her eyes narrow in displeasure, her stern tone making you falter in your dramatic stride down the imaginary catwalk, “Just stop.”

Okay! So maybe you’re not as used to her coldness as you thought you were. Your expression sours, and you quit the act, even if a part of you - one you barely fight off, goodness, you almost perish in that battle - wants to continue but even more annoying. As if you could somehow block her rationality with manic energy. 

“What?” You ask, trying to keep the mood lighthearted despite her squared shoulders and tight frown, “I’m just having a bit of fun!” You say with a joyous little laugh, reaching for a glass of much needed water.

“No, you’re panicking.” Her words make the glass still, hoovering by your painted lips, but it’s short lived. You take a greedy gulp and it tastes fresh with a pinch of lipstick, “Look, I get it...” She shakes her head softly, “You’re meeting the guy you like for the first time, you jumped the gun straight to dating and now you’re...Anxious. It’s normal, you know.”

“But I’m not anxious.” You persist, and you really do mean it. You don’t like how she looks at you as if you’re the one that’s misunderstanding your own feelings. You set the glass down with a soft clink, heaving your own sigh, “I’m not, I’m really happy actually.” You explain softly, “It’s just...my way of dealing with it. I’m more... Worried about Corpse, to be honest.” You add, a tad quieter, “But, like, it’s all good!” You exclaim, strolling up to her and landing your hands on her shoulders, “I prepared.”

And it’s true! You had spent the night scouring the depths of the internet. Read every WikiHow article on how to deal with someone with extreme anxiety, how to not make things painfully awkward, and how to talk to boys (just in case. The last time you stumbled upon that particular article was way back in middle school when you had a crush on that one guy you saw in your school’s cafeteria every now and then. Naturally, that led you down the rabbit hole, and according to WikiHow’s How To Tell If A Boy Likes You guidebook, you found out that he was absolutely enamored with you because he glanced in your direction, like, two times. Safe to say that love story went nowhere. The point still stands). 

So you forward all of this information to Rae, nestled in her bed whilst she lazily folds her clothes; clarify that you know that nothing much can happen, and that this whole situation is delicate, and that you must tread carefully because you don’t want to overwhelm him. She pauses her actions, glancing behind her to watch you staring idly at the ceiling, so peaceful, so thoughtful. And it’s not the eerie calmness you had displayed during your murderous spree in the last Among Us game, no, it’s just...quiet understanding. 

“I’m actually impressed.” She says. You merely hum, counting the dust slowly descending in the cascading light, “You’re not as clueless as I thought.” Your lips quirk into a shy smile at the compliment- “Or as tactless.” - and turn downward just as quick.

“That implies that I’m always tactless.”

“You are.” She states and you sit up, a soft frown pinching your brows, “Not like, in a terrible way. You just...don’t think about your actions. Or the repercussions. You just know that you can get away with everything.”

“And I can!”

“That doesn’t actually mean you should do something just because you can. You know I’ll always support you. Literally everyone will always support you. But I’m not gonna coddle you. You’re just...a lot. Online and especially in person. But the fact that you’re actually taking this seriously and taking his feelings into consideration is...well, the bare minimum, but still, good job.”

...Much to think about. You don’t like thinking, it makes your head hurt. Though, that could just be the lack of sleep. You cross your legs and plop your head in your hand, tired eyes blinking owlishly, “Do you...think I should change what I’m wearing?”

Prompted by your question, she gives you a careful once over, “I mean, it’s signature you.”

“Signature me is a hoodie and some sweatpants.”

She smiles, “Then go change. Your outfit is a bit distracting for just...Hanging out indoors, no? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind either way, though.”

“I just...” You bite the inside of your cheek, mulling your words over. Truly, the last time you were so attentive was when you went Psycho Mode in Among Us, which, to be fair, wasn’t that long ago. Perhaps there wasn’t a chance to let your mind dull - it’s almost as sharp as your butterfly knife, “I figured that if, like,” You vaguely motion with your hands, “if I be, like, all over the place, and wearing something cute, he’d be, like, distracted? And less anxious? No...awkward silence?”

“First meetings are always awkward, it’s natural.” She chimes, “I mean, if you’re so nervous-”

“I’m not nervous!”

“-then just don’t overthink it. I know it’s easier said than done, but you’re you, and Corpse is Corpse, and he likes you for who you are, and even if it is a bit awkward, I’m sure it’ll, like, blow over in a second. It really doesn’t matter how you look, Y/n.” She grins, “Plus, it’s not like you’re greeting him in your underwear or something.”

You will not admit that that was your plan B, not when you just landed in her good graces. You nod, “...I’ll go change.” 

And so you do. Pick out your cutest hoodie and some sweatpants. Put away your jingle jangle shoes with a broken heart, instead of them donning your fluffiest socks; slip off some rings because they keep falling off of your fingers. It’s almost like all of those transformation scenes in rom-coms that are still popular for some reason, except you’re hot before and after, so there’s really no transformation at all. 

Now you wait. Just wait, all other activities are excluded from this. Rae comes back to find you sitting on the edge of your bed, back straight, hands neatly folded on your lap. She compares you to a Sim’s character and you allow her. After mercilessly mocking you and snapping a few pictures - for blackmail, you assume - she helpfully informs that she is leaving because she doesn’t want to get in the way, but your psychic abilities which you acquired just now tell you that she simply doesn’t want to witness this train wreck. Not that it’ll be a train wreck, it would be if you were nervous, but you aren’t. 

You just aren’t. You fidget with the rings adoring your hand; toy with the hem of your hoodie; bounce your leg up and down. It’s just caffeine, okay?! Fuck this, Twitter time.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

[ADDING A MUSICAL INTERMISSION, LISTEN TO THIS IF YOU WANT (I WROTE THIS CHAPTER WITH IT IN MIND)]

The waiting commences, only now it somehow feels more intense. The sun is setting, and you really want to be one of those cute girls that fill their camera roll with pictures of the sunset and the roseate sky, but your hands are trembling and holding up your phone feels like too much of a hassle. You’d rather just sit there, alone in the apartment, in the pin-drop silence, extremely uncomfy and tense, as if waiting for the end of the world. 

A notification sounds off and your life flashes before your eyes. Hastily, you check it, a sticky mixture of delight and something else, something unpleasant constricting, making your stomach churn. He’s here. Holy shit, it’s happening. You order your anime plushies to stop fucking panicking, they’re like, totally embarrassing you at the moment! You wonder if they have their own little group chat, but instead of Totally Spies it’s called Total Embarrassment. Yikes, okay, that was harsh. After a good scolding, and a heartfelt apology for getting so heated, you smooth down the non-existent wrinkles on your modest outfit, and quickly waddle over to the electronic apartment thingie something something... you unlock the main door, okay!? This is for some reason feeling very not cash money, so you break out in a little dance number.

The doorbell does not sing that shrill, unpleasant tune; rather, there’s a soft knock on the apartment’s door, and you pause your shuffling, your renegade, and perk up at the imposing future hidden behind a slab of wood. Your heart beats a melody all on it’s own, and it’s loud, uncoordinated, like a musician that’s still familiarizing themselves with their instrument. And there’s that knock again, as uncertain as you’re feeling, and your clammy fingers latch onto the lock and turn it and now there is no more hiding - such a possibility is no longer an option; no more sporadic dances or sitting in disheartening silence and letting your thoughts weight you down.

You’re not quite sure what you were thinking about before you saw him in the threshold, head tilted slightly, fluffy dark hair obscuring the bags under his eyes, hunched, one ringed hand clutching onto the strap of his duffel bag, the other frozen mid-air, ready to knock one more time lest you didn’t hear him the first two. No, truly, you can’t, for the life of you, remember what all the fuss was about. 

“...Oh.” It’s a soft sound, so quiet, but not surprised, rather...relieved. Faint shimmers of a smile reach you, hidden behind a black face mask - the panini chic! You must stan a respectful king - but there’s something about the way he looks at you that makes you question it’s sincerity. He fails to return your gaze, rather choosing to stare somewhere over your shoulder. His eyes seem unfocused. Apprehensive. A wild thought occurs to you that he expected you to trick him somehow, and wild thoughts invade the land of your mind often, but never in such a way. You clutch the handle just a bit tighter.

His hand retreats to his side, up to his mask and you think he’s about to unhook it but he stills, and there’s panic there, as if he had been moving unconsciously, as if he hadn’t realized what he’s doing. He plays it off by idly scratching his cheek, muttering an equally quiet, “Hi.” to fill the silence.

Finally, your WikiHow knowledge can come in handy, along with your common sense, “Hey, pretty boy.” You mutter, pulling away from the door, “Make yourself at home!” You slide to the kitchen, your socks acting not unlike ice-skates cutting through the Arctic frost covered ground. You hope that with you occupied and not watching him as closely he’ll feel slightly more at ease. 

You’d like to hug him. Kiss him, definitely. But if he’s so uncomfortable that he can’t bring himself to shed his mask in your presence, then there’s really nothing you can do. 

You hear the door shut and lock behind you as you pull out two glasses from the cupboard, humming a song you can’t quite recall the name of. You ask him if he’d like something to drink - it was a short flight, yet a flight still, and planes always make you thirsty, and there you go talking his ear off. You end abruptly, but smoothly, like a true diplomat; if he notices, you have no way of knowing - he doesn’t provide even a hint. He’s hard to read, and literature was never your best subject. But you’re trying.

He sets his duffel bag down on a nearby chair, “I, uhhh,” His voice is raspy and low, another indication of a pathetic lack of sleep, “I...got you something, uhh, I dunno-dunno if I should...give it now, or?” He sends you a questioning glance, but it doesn’t linger. Your offer of drinks is momentarily forgotten, though you hardly mind. 

You grin, “Sure! I love gifts, gimmie gimmie.” You make grabby hands, and he snorts, and it would’ve sounded endearing if he didn’t sound so fucking tired. He unzips the bag, and you pad your way to him, mindful of personal space (something you, in most social situations, chose to pretend does not exist). You note his hands quivering lightly, just like yours had in the agonizing wait, but he hides it well. You wish you could hold them. You’re afraid to try.

He pulls out a black hoodie and you recognize the custom art on it instantly - it’s his merch. He presents it in awkward flourish, murmuring a “Tadaaaa” under his breath; your heart skips a pleasant beat, and you have to bite down on your lower lip lest you smile appears too big. The fabric is soft under your fingers, and you accept his gift with a dramatic bow, and he turns his head away with another little laugh. You’re chipping away at the ice around him; it’s a slow process, but it’s worth the effort.

Truly, your own hoodie is shabby in comparison - icky, how could you have ever worn such a thing in the first place?! You’ll have to do extensive research in fashion magazines and Printerest so such a slip-up may never happen again. You discard it hastily and put his on instead; it smells like washing detergent with hints of cologne, one you instantly pin point belonging to him, “It’s, uhhh, it’s mine? I hope you, uhh, I didn’t have any spare ones, so-I hope you don’t...mind.”

He’s finally looking at you, but he’s still tense, still hesitant, and you shake your head softly, “No,” You admit, “I like it even more now.” You pull on the hood, toy with the strings and yank them quickly; your face is concealed, save for your nose, “Comfy.” Your commentary is unmatched, best of it’s kind - eloquent and effortless, much like yourself.

Another small laugh reaches your ears, and it sounds a bit livelier than the others had been. Success!

“Stop that.” He says gently, and you see moving shadows; his hands loosen the strings and your face is revealed to him once again. He’s close now, and he doesn’t move away; his hands come to rest on your shoulders, warm even through layers of fabric, “I came all this way to see you, don’t hide your face from me.” 

Your eyes narrow playfully, your finger rapidly tapping away on his clothed cheek, “What’s all this then? Hm? Hm?” Instead of swatting your hand away, which you figured he’d do, he complies and finally tugs that fucking mask off. Your breath catches in the back of your throat and you halt your ministrations - truly, seeing him smiling on screen is nothing compared to him smiling in person. You can’t quite contain yourself any longer - your excitement might burst out in another dance number otherwise - as you throw your arms over his shoulders and pull him flush against you. He’s quick to return the embrace. Maybe it was all the encouragement he needed.

“Wow,” He mumbles, only slightly offended, “so I finally show my face to you, in person, and you just-...you just look away?”

“I’m hugging you, dumbass.”

“...Touche.”

Things fall into place after that, like a dozen puzzle pieces fitting together. He won’t let you go - he doesn’t want to. You put on some music, something easy and indie and that doesn’t require too much effort to listen to, as the two of you contemplate what to eat. Cooking by yourselves was dismissed due to the unstable relationship between yourself and cooking utensils. The stove and you had had a falling out recently, but this feud had started long ago, back in pre-school, with only short intervals of friendship. He listened to your extensive explanation absolutely enraptured and only moderately confused. 

So you settled on ordering pizza from Domino’s. You have no trouble calling or receiving phone calls, because you have no trouble doing anything, and he admitted that he only really calls you because he gets too anxious to do more, so you’re tasked with ordering the food. You accept this mission with pride.

You stand tall, gazing out the window into the wild California domain: massive buildings and towering eucalyptus trees, bleeding skyline and the sun slowly getting swallowed up by the ocean. Corpse looms behind you, with his arms snaked around your waist and his chin resting on your shoulder, looking at you through the corner of his eye. You wait patiently for the underpaid, overworked staff member to pick up, and once they do, you have the audacity to grin brightly and chirp, “Hi! I want pizza.”

Conversations flow smoothly, and you make hot chocolate - because you are hot and you crave chocolate - and he insists he wants one too, because you want one, and you don’t hesitate to overflow his cup with whipped cream and an ungodly amount of miniature marshmallows. A premature heart attack, just for him. Whoever said romance is dead has clearly never met you. When the doorbell chimes, you’re astounded that an hour flew by so quickly.

After the delicious meal, the movie night must commence. So what if you watched 10 Things I hate About You yesterday, you insist that you have already forgotten the plot. You lead him to your room and he tries not to stare, but can’t help himself. Pretty boy in a pretty girl’s room. His eyes linger on the massive posters of Chrollo on your walls, and you sense his displeasure rolling off of him in waves. 

“What?” You huff, fluffing the pillows, “You don’t like my husband?”

He jabs his finger into his chest, into the spot of his heart, “I’m your husband.”

“Side hoe, then-”

“-No.”

You didn’t lie when you said you love to cuddle, or that you’re clingy. It’s a good thing he’s just as clingy as you are, because when he lays down and you latch onto his side. He doesn’t complain, rather wraps his arm around pulls you close. His thumb draws lazy circles on your side; with your head resting on his chest, you feel each rhythmical rise and drop. 

The opening credits play on the projector, the room dark enough for your pile of plushies to look like a whole fucking human just standing in the corner. A ghost! Sucks for it, you’re not scared. You feel safe. Protected. So comfortable in Corpse’s hold that you’re honestly wondering how did you manage to be so long without him. To think all of this started when Sykkuno followed you on Twitter. What a lucky accident.

“Can I ask you something?” Your voice cuts through the bopping 90s soundtrack and Julia Stiles’ voice. He hums. You take it as a yes. Tilting your head upwards, you find his eyes again, a thorn of displeasure picking you as you note that that apprehension you had seen previously is still very much there, “...You really wouldn’t date me if I was a worm?”

His chest rumbles with a laugh and his lips split into a grin, “I would.” He presses your side for emphasis, “I really would.” He repeats, reassuringly. You, however, are not convinced.

“But I’d be a worm.”

“I know. We’d... roll around in the dirt together, or something.”

“But you’d be human.”

He frowns softly, “Why couldn’t I be a worm, too?”

“Those are the rules.”

“What kind of shitty fucking rules are those?”

“I dunno, it’s like the Thanos snap or something. I just turn into a worm. I’m the only one.”

“That’s fine.” He smiles, “I’d take you out on a fishing date or something.”

Shocked, offended, and heartbroken, you hit his chest and pointedly turn away with a pout, which he finds very funny for some reason, but you fail to see the humor anywhere except the movie. Despite the fact that he’d sacrifice you for a fish, you smile shyly and close your eyes. He did say you would take a nap together, and if he really thought you’d stay awake for movie night, well, then he’s just an idiot. You had decided you would fall asleep as soon as he was next to you. It’s a miracle you managed to stay awake for so long.

“...Sleeping already?” You don’t appreciate his teasing tone.

“’m not sleeping...” You murmur, “’m resting my eyes.”

“Sure.”

You’re not quite certain (of anything, really) how much time drifts by, but you’re nearly lost in unconsciousness, in the warm, nice feeling that comes along with him like a cloud. Perhaps he thinks you’re asleep, he has to, else he wouldn’t say anything at all, “You’re stuck with me now, you know.” It’s such a soft admission, riddled with the same notes of anxiety that always prevail in his speech; with the same hopeful sincerity he had been gazing at you the whole evening. 

Moving your lips is such a hassle, but you manage, “’m...stuck...” You mumble, “’m...stuck...what are you doing step-”

“No!” He laughs, and your lips quirk into a lazy smile, “No, no, no. Just no. Do you talk in your sleep?” You fake snore at that, loudly, “You’re like a little dragon.”

“...Fuck you.”

“Fine, a kitten, then.” That’s better. You feel something chapped, but soft, press onto your forehead, “Goodnight, Y/n.”

God, you’re so fucking happy. Does he know how happy you are? How happy he makes you? But you’re too tired for screaming and flailing around, too tired to even crack an eye open. You want him to know all the same, “...like you.” You whisper, but you don’t know if he hears you over the movie, “...I like you.”

His reply is instant, breathless, “I like you too.”

Good, you want to say, and maybe you do - can’t tell anymore. Sleep takes you too quickly.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @bingusmode - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury--moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[renofstarlight]

I was tagged by @spneveryseason​ thank you!!

This is gonna be hard since I haven’t actually watched any spn except the first four eps, the finale, and A Very Supernatural Christmas in years lmao. (I’m trying to rewatch but Netflix keeps being a bitch.)

Sibling status (younger, middle, older, only child...) - oldest. I’m also a daughter so I need compensation for that.

How long have you been stanning for -stanning Sam since before I even watched the show, so probably since like 2012? I started watching in 2014 I think.

Favorite Sam era - oh this is hard... probably s2 or s3.

Favorite spn season, but if the only criteria was Sam’s hair -also hard bc I love almost all of Sam’s hair (except s10 wtf was that), but I’m gonna go with season 5.

Favorite Sam-centric episode - I can’t really say bc I can’t remember which eps were Sam-centric since it’s been so long since watching them. But Ana said All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1 and I do remember that one so yeah going with that one bc it was really good. Oh! I do actually really like Mystery Spot even though it’s painful af and actually way darker than the ep presents it. And I hate how fandom treats it. :/

Any ships you may like to mention - sastiel I guess?

Favorite song you would/have put in a Sam playlist -not to be Edgy(tm) but “Monster” by Skillet.

If you could steal one thing from Sam’s wardrobe, it would be - well I already have his purple dog shirt so.... lmao. but I also agree with Ana. His v neck gray pyjama top because it looks SO soft.

Complete the sentence: If Sam cishet, then WHY.... -his crossroad demons always men?

Favorite unhinged Sam moment - I don’t remember what ep it is but I think it’s in season 4? When he’s drinking the demon lady’s blood and the demon dude goes to stab him and Sam uses his powers to fling him into the wall and with his mouth all bloody says “wait your turn” YEAH

You must have some intense headcanons you need to talk about, tell me one Sam hc that drives you insane - oKAY. this is gonna be long. -cracks knuckles- so I have never seen this take before probably bc the disorder is so rare  (hint: it’s not there was just a huge movement in the 90s to discredit it lmao) but during his time in the Cage (which I take his estimates to be true so he was there for 5,000+ years bc I believe Hell time and Cage time are different) he had to split in order to stay functioning. So when he gets back and his wall is broken he basically has DID/OSDD (dissociative identity disorder). Those parts in himself in that one ep? They actually exist inside him along with probably hundreds of other parts/alters to hold and cope with all the trauma and they can “front” (be in control of the body). They’re a very covert system tho bc if Dean ever found out he’d flip. Also he definitely has introjects of Lucifer and Michael, probably multiple ones. So like hallucifer? Not just a product of the psychosis but also a literal person/part that lives in his head and torments him (tho it’s not really Lucifer bc it’s still a part of Sam’s psyche). This is why despite being in the Cage so long and being tortured in unimaginable ways he can still function. Because the Sam that is normally front doesn’t have access to all his Cage memories. Other parts hold those memories and keep them from him because otherwise he would literally be non-functional.

okay so that’s my headcanon. If you want to know more about it or even just DID in general PLEASE hmu. I would love to talk about it.

Tell me something about the hbo Sam that lives in your brain -he totally wears black nail polish and make up. Also embraces his psychic power more.

Oh no, the writers forgot to give Jess a personality! Now it’s up to you. Tell me, what was Jess like - she was definitely the kinda that encouraged everyone but esp Sam. definitely sassy and they probably had sass offs. she’s fiercely protective of the people she loves. she was super excited to bring Sam home to her family and they loved him even if he was a little weird.

Biggest injustice Supernatural commited against Sam (be as brief or as ranty as you desire) - season 6-15 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  lol jk. probably the s9 arc. That was... yeah. Or Lucifer being brought back in s11.

And finally, just say something about him that makes you smile - his compassion. Just how soft and gentle he is when talking to witnesses/victims/etc.

I’m tagging: @girlbossjared @car-romancerdean @wingsanddimples @armymaninashtraysaweverything @itsjustallaboutsam @itstartswithbloodshed @ilysm-mybabybrother @milfsamwinchester @marvelis @spectator-sam @mlmsam @haloforsam @crownsandfreckles no pressure if you don’t want to do it!! And if I didn’t tag you and you want to do it, consider yourself tagged!!!

[coasttocoastreads]

Welcome back to Week 2 of Coast to Coast Reads! Who’s still alive? Katya and I are dying while social distancing, but at least we had a few laughs discussing this book:

Crescent City (House of Blood and Earth) // Sarah J Maas

★★ / ★★★★★

Summary in one two gif(s):

Real Summary:

Crescent City, a place where vanir (supernatural beings such as angels, fae, shifters, etc.) and humans freely mingle and go about their days. Bryce Quilan is a 20-something fae/human who’s still reeling from the murder of her friends 2 years ago. But after she’s commissioned to help search for an ancient artifact, Bryce, along with her new angel partner Hunt, unearth previously buried secrets about the murder that threaten to expose a worldwide conspiracy. 

Pros:

Great side characters. I would die for each and every one of them.

Lots of different mythological creatures! Not just another Fae Book™️

Cons:

It’s literally ToG 2-7 combined. If you read Throne of Glass, you’ve already been spoiled for this book. 💀💀💀

It’s wayyyy too long

Drags a lot in the beginning

Plot .5/5 (the .5 is for you, Lehaba)

What can I say. SJM literally plagiarized herself by taking the plotline of the tog books and translating it to this new setting. The writing itself was subpar, and most of the time it felt like the author herself had no idea where the plot was going, instead letting it drag on until a plot twist that makes no sense is revealed. (You’ll know which one I’m talking about when you get there.) I’ll compare CC with ToG with spoilers under the cut. 

Pacing 2/5

The beginning is full of info-dumping as SJM tries to set up this world which is metaphorically like ours, but everyone’s hot and does fantasy cocaine all the time.  It narrates boring day-to-day schedules that could have been condensed into a paragraph and at times I was tempted to skip ahead. The plot does pick up near the last 25% though, so I’ll give it that. 

Worldbuilding 2.5/5

It was confusing. To be fair, after all the info was dumped at the beginning, I didn’t bother going back to try to figure things out when they popped up again after. But like still??? I think I only started understanding the hierarchy of the government with the Asterrii(?). Also what are the Triarii I am still lost. SJM attempts to blend a more modern society with one of fantasy creatures, and for the most part it succeeds, but it often just feels...strange. I think the one thing I’m most hung up about is why swords and guns still coexist. Like ??????? it’s one or the other plssssss abandon the “aesthetic” Also while they literally have cell phones and keurig machines there aren’t common things like cars? Why.

Characters: (This is unconventional, bear with me)

Main Characters: -infinity/5 they could go die for all I care

Bryce and Hunt were both super unlikeable, 10/10 would let fall from a cliff. They are literally just rewrites of Aelin and Rowan? Bryce is like ahahaha yeah people think I’m Just a dumb vapid Female™️ who parties too much and gets trashed but SIKE I’m actually the chosen one and I’ve been hiding it this whole time because I didn’t want to hurt people’s feelings uwu. And did I mention I’m actually a trained Warrior who can keep up with The Boys? It’s Aelin y’all. There are numerous times where a character says that she’s not stupid and I’m like...are you sure... This girl makes the poorest decisions, yet ofc, there aren’t any long term consequences... (Also 99% of her problems come from ghosting people literally just respond with “k” sis)

Hunt is... idek what to say about Hunt. He’s just Rowan but in angel form. His inner monologue cycles between I must pay off my debt so I can gain Freedom 😔, why is Bryce so hot 🥴, and Shahar 😭. Once again, literally Rowan who also was bound to some evil villain, had the hots for their CENTURIES YOUNGER pupil/protectee, and had an old lover die tragically which led to them believing they can never find love again UNTIL BryLin comes along. Snooze. 

Side Characters: Infinity/5 

Ruhn Danaan was the most valid character and that’s the hill I’ll die on. He literally just wanted to protect his sister cuz she’s stupid af but she keeps pushing him away bc he’s an “alphahole” (haha how subversive :/) I want a whole book about him and Hypaxia, preferably fanfiction so I don’t have to read “soft feminine breathing” ever again.

Literally all the supporting cast- Lehaba, Therion, Ithan, Jesiba, Flynn, Connor, etc, etc. had more compelling characters and side stories than Bryce/Hunt. I was 100% more invested in them and I can’t wait to read/write more about them. 

(Pls let me marry Jesiba Roga or Therion 🥺)

But while the people on the “good” side were spectacular, the villains all felt one-dimensional and the product of over-recycled and overused tropes mashed together. Sandriel and Pollux are literally just Maeve and Cairn (is that his name)

I’d recommend for:

People who loved Throne of Glass and are lamenting the absence of new content. Please read about Rowaelin 2.0

People stuck at home during this global crisis and have too much time on their hands. (If you need that free epub, hmu)

People who are willing to skip all scenes that feature just Bryce and/or Hunt 

People who hate themselves

Would I travel here?

Sorry, what? Already shredded my passport, not getting a replacement, sorry. 

Overall thoughts:

I wish I could somehow take those hours of my life back but alas. 

See y’all in two weeks with a hopefully better book selection,

Tiff

Spoilers under cut

Okay time to VENT

OKAY so CC=ToG, let’s break down how

Danika’s death is the Nehemia Incident, setting the mc up for a journey of self discovery/reclaiming their power. They both show up as ghosts later to encourage mc in a time of great self-struggle.

Syrinx if Fleetfoot. bc all female mc’s need a pet to reveal her Feminine and Soft side

Sandriel and Pollux are Maeve and Cairn. Evil female character with vast power and her torturer? COOKIE CUTTER FORMULA. The scene where Bryce offers herself up for Hunt in the lobby also kinda mirrors that scene in..HoF? QoS? Don’t remember, but pretty sure that happened. Also that scene was so fucking dumb, I really thought Bryce had a Smart Plan, but I was bamboozled once again. 

A gem from my notes: “Bryce is Aelin but with cocaine”

I think the whole demon portal thing is a ripoff of ACOWAR (or is it KoA I can’t even remember), sacrificing yourself to close the rift, etc, etc. 

Anyways, Bryce = Aelin, a party-girl front with a sob backstory that’s her superpower origin story who always has a Plan. 

Hunt = Rowan, broody warrior busy repaying debts getting orders they don’t want while pining over a lost love. They reluctantly let the female mc in and voila they’re in LOVE

The whole “plot twist” that revealed Hunt’s true plan along was so fucking dumb...

It wasn’t a plot twist, it was just plain bad writing

There was no set up at all, nothing alluding to Hunt secretly masterminding an attempted coup with the help of Magic Meth

The whole time I was like “...this is part of their plan right. There’s no way he legit planned this...”

Character’s POVs should reveal what they’re thinking, even if you’re just hinting at something to reveal later...this was just lazy

Another thing that really rubbed me the wrong way was the sudden reveal that Fury and Juniper had been in a relationship the whole time? Despite like above, there was no prior allusion to that?

It felt like half-assed representation at best and completely irrelevant to the story with it coming up again in a throwaway line near the end

Also? I’m fairly certain there was a scene in the beginning where they were all out clubbing and Juniper hooked up with some rando while Fury was also at the club with them? Was this before they got together or did SJM insert this so last minute that no one caught it?

Wtf is sunball. Can someone just help me out here.

Some people have been saying Hunt is Asian coded? Where???!!!!! All I’m seeing is the same stuff she pulled in ACOTAR where all the Illyrians were tan so people could claim they were poc for woke points but not get in trouble for art depicting them as white ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

SJM pls stay away from “like calls to like” you don’t deserve it

[pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles]

You Don’t Know Me

Not smut just some very soft oblivious Luke

You knew something was wrong. Luke didn't always text you back right away, but in the entire time you'd know him he'd never left you on read. You knew sometimes he was too busy to check his messages for hours, especially if he was on the road. You expected that, and never worried or got irritated if he didn't text you back, but that was before the disaster at Calum's party.

The weekend had been rough. Saturday night there had been a crazy party at Calum's house and everyone was getting wasted. You'd seen Luke show up with his girlfriend per fucking usual. You hated that it bothered you, after all they'd been together six months, Leila considered you a friend. You had tried to like her but the more you saw them together, the more it got under your skin. They argued constantly these past couple months, and lately you never saw Luke without her around. The party was no different, you'd barely gotten to talk to Luke for two minutes before she was dragging him away to hang out with her friends. 

When they'd started arguing yet again something in you had snapped. You'd started downing tequila shots like you were trying to drown your emotions in liquor. The alcohol, instead of extinguishing the flames, just made them burn brighter.  Sure enough you'd ended up in the upstairs bathroom tearfully confessing your deepest secrets to Calum when you weren't heaving your guts up.

Calum was sympathetic, rubbing your back and trying to calm you down. You claimed to love all the guys as if they were your brothers, and with Calum that was particularly true. He'd been the first to call you on your feelings months ago. Calum saw the connection you had with Luke and it was obvious it was more than just friends, but you tried to play it off. Luke only liked a certain type, tall and lean, and much hotter than you could ever hope to be. 

Still, you were the one he came to when he and his girlfriend had problems. It was you he confessed his fears to late at night when he was homesick from being on the road. You were the one he sought advice from, and the person he trusted most.  He was like a brother to you, or at least you pretended that was the case, until the Patron came right back up along with your feelings. 

Luke came to check on you and Calum ran him off. You'd heard shouting between the two of them before they were separated. Calum came back to you followed by your friend Eva and the two of them got you home. 

You crawled to your couch, not able to make it up the stairs to your bedroom, plus the bathroom was nearby. They got you set up with a towel, some water and Advil before Eva took Calum up to your room. Their moans were the last thing you heard before you passed out.

When you woke up you were in your bed in last night's clothes but on fresh sheets. Your phone was plugged in and charging next to a bottle of coconut water. Your throat felt like sandpaper so your chugged the bottle almost choking halfway through when Luke walked into your bedroom. 

"What are you doing here?" You sputter trying to remember the previous night. 

"Came to check on you." He sat down next to you on the bed sliding over so you're leaning against his chest. "You were wild last night, what got into you?" 

"Tequila mostly," you groan, squeezing your eyes shut at the memory. 

"I noticed." Luke sounded annoyed but when you looked at him, he smiled down at you. "You seemed upset about something, were you mad at me?"

Fear shot chills through your entire body as you remember why you'd started drinking. You had been angry with him, but it wasn't his fault. You were angry because you were jealous, horny and frustrated from denying your feelings for him. You were pissed at yourself for not being able to say anything, because you knew he didn't feel the same way. You were like a sister to him and you didn't want to destroy what you had. 

"I can't remember anything except getting sick, I barely remember getting home," you lie, closing your eyes to avoid looking at him. 

"Can you get me another water please?" 

You could feel the tension in his body ease for a second as he gave you a little squeeze, "of course, do you want some food or anything else?"

Your stomach twisted at the thought and you shook your head, and you saw the tight expression return to his face. He was clearly annoyed by the whole situation, but dutifully returned with two bottles of coconut water, a Powerade, animal crackers and a banana. 

"Wait where did that come from? Did you bring that all with you?" Your brain hurt trying to remember the last time you'd gone grocery shopping.

"Yeah, I thought you might need it. You probably should change, you good on that?" He blushed and busied himself arranging your snacks for you. 

You realize you're still in your jumpsuit that zips up the back, worse the room is still swaying. 

"Please," you manage to squeak out. "Can you grab my big purple t shirt and I have a pair a grey shorts in my second drawer." 

He got your clothes and you put the shirt on over your head letting it rest on your shoulders as he stood you up. You wrapped your arms around him as he unzipped your suit and unclasped your bra. The feeling of his fingers grazing your bare back made you gasp, and you hoped he didn't notice. He pulled back and lowered the oversized shirt as your clothes fell to the floor. He sat you back on the bed and got your feet into your shorts and the two of you worked together to get them up your legs.

"Are you ok?" Luke suddenly looked concerned.

"I'm gonna be sick, I'm sorry," you whispered.

He carried you to the little bathroom connected to your bedroom and held you as you heaved and coughed. You could hear him muttering to himself behind you.

"I'm gonna kill Calum for letting it get this far. He shouldn't have let you drink that much." 

"Hey," you protested weakly, "it's not Calum's fault I'm an idiot. He shouldn't have to babysit me. I can handle myself." 

"That is obviously not true, look what happened," he scoffed. "Come on, let's get you back to bed." 

"Well we can't all have hot girlfriends, that we're constantly fighting with," you complained as he got you settled in comfortably. 

"If I didn't know better I'd think you were jealous," he teased. "I thought you two were friends." 

"Uh we are, it's just that you two have kind of been fighting a lot lately." You tried to walk it back.

"Don't," he sighed, clearly annoyed again. "Last night we were arguing about you so you weren't the only one pretending. Why can't people just be honest?" 

"Was that a dig at me?" You pout at him, getting irritated yourself. 

"A little bit, I heard some of what you said to Calum. It sounded pretty serious, but you refused to talk to me. I had to leave because Calum was getting super aggressive, and wouldn't let me see you. He wouldn't let anyone near you actually, except Eva. What the hell was that all about?" Luke's jaw was clenched tight and he was scrolling through Netflix on your bedroom TV, refusing to look at you. 

"I don't know why Calum was acting like that," you told himand he shook his head. "Maybe I feel like hot garbage right now and don't want to analyze everything. I'm not even sure why I got so upset. It really is kind of hazy," you used your baby voice and he couldn't help but smile. He put a pillow on his lap and let you rest your head as you started watching TV. He played with your hair and rubbed your back until you were practically purring. 

Suddenly you remembered, "wait why were you two fighting about me?" You sat up quickly and regretted it just as fast. Luke steadied you and laid you back down gently. "She thinks we're too close. She never had a problem before but now she says it's different." 

"What did she say?" You were fighting sleep and he knew it. 

"Get some rest," his fingers grazed your skin, his voice low. "We can talk later, I'm not going anywhere." 

When you woke hours later you could hear Luke downstairs in the kitchen and you could smell bacon. Your stomach growled and you reached out for the cookies he'd left for you. Nibbling on them helped but you decided you wanted to try whatever he was cooking. You reached for your phone to text him when you saw several missed calls and messages. Plenty of your friends were at the party and wanted to check up on you but you scrolled down to Eva first. 

How's everything with Luke? He was pissed when he showed up this morning. He made me change your sheets before he carried you upstairs, and then made me take them home and wash them. Wtf even happened last night? You were fine and then next thing I know Calum is coming to get me because you're fucking wasted. You were saying some crazy shit last night. If you really feel that strongly you need to tell him bc I heard them fighting.  His girlfriend thinks you like him and doesn't want y'all hanging out anymore. Cut that bitch off at the knees babe hmu later so I can tell you about Calum

You texted Luke below he could come back upstairs

Idk what you're cooking but it smells amazing. Can I have a bite? Please? 

He answered quickly

I was hoping you'd be hungry. I'll make you a little plate. Drink water

.

You smiled, letting yourself enjoy being domestic with Luke for a day. You quickly scroll back down to check the texts from Calum. 

You owe me big time. Luke almost swung on me twice. He's furious I let you drink too much and was worried I had a thing for you. Good thing I had Eva walking sideways 😝😝😝

You need to talk to him, there's got to be a reason he's so overprotective. Hmmmm 

His gf is looking for him, he's ignoring her to take care of you. Lucky you have such a good friend right? 

You answered Calum back listening for Luke

Yeah he's mad at me too, it's not just you

Did he leave? I thought he was staying there? 

Yeah he's downstairs making us food

Oh yeah he sounds really pissed lol tell him I said hi

You heard Luke coming up the stairs

Not a chance, gotta go, he's coming

You put your phone back on the charger and scrambled back onto the pillow before he came back into the room carrying two plates. He'd made bacon and eggs for himself but you hated eggs so he'd made you tater tots covered in bacon and cheese with ranch dressing on the side. He was trying not to eat carbs, but always stole bites off your plate insisting those calories didn't count. You put queer eye on Netflix and you sat side by side, propped up with pillows against the headboard while you ate. He claimed not to like the show, but you knew JVN and Karamo were his favorites. He always laughed at you because you always cried watching this show but he also got choked up a bit from time to time. Your leg was pressed against his and your felt his phone vibrating, text after text, call after call and he ignored them all.

"Are you just gonna let everything go to voicemail?" You asked.

"Told you I didn't want to talk about it, got some thinking to do," his voice was hollow and he was really starting to worry you. 

"Why won't you talk to me Luke? I don't understand what's going on." You ask finishing your food.

"I don't either," he sighed. "Why didn't you tell me you like someone?" 

"What are you talking about?" You decide to admit nothing until you know what he knows. 

"One minute you're hanging with Calum and Mikey, dancing and having fun. By the time I see you next you're in tears and crying to Calum about how you can never get him to notice you. That he doesn't look at you that way. How can he be so sexy with those eyes, his body, the way he moves across a room. Why didn't you tell me?" Luke turned big puppy dog eyes on you and your entire body is hot with embarrassment. You don't remember saying that, but you knew exactly who you meant. How are you going to explain yourself? 

Luke surprises you when he keeps talking,"I don't want to tell you what to do, but you know how Michael is with women. He's one of my best friends, my brother, but he only wants one thing and you're worth more than that." 

You start laughing, unable to believe Luke is so clueless to think you're after Michael. Not that you'd mind a hookup, you'd heard the rumors about how good he was in bed. You were also aware Michael never caught feelings and soon grew bored with any girl he took to bed. 

"I'm not into Mikey like that," you told him. "He was going to be a distraction but I got too drunk." 

"So who were you crying over, I want to know who's ass to kick." Luke looked relieved but still concerned. 

"It's not important now," you tell him. "He has a girlfriend, and he doesn't see me that way."  

Luke frowned, opened his mouth to speak before snapping it shut and closing his eyes. He looked back down at you, "if he doesn't see how wonderful you are, then he definitely doesn't deserve your tears." He reached over and squeezed your leg and it jolted through your entire body. You grabbed his empty plate and swung your legs over the side of the bed. It was only when you stood up and the entire room swayed your remembered your pounding head. Luke was up and next to you in a flash. 

"No no no sweetie easy," he took the plates out of your hands and sat you back down. "I'll take care of that, drink some water for me." You nodded and complied, feeling your head ease up a bit. 

"I need to take a shower," you insisted.

"Fine, I'll do the dishes so you can have some privacy." Luke walked you to the bathroom and made sure you had towels and your big fluffy robe. You were still a bit woozy but slow deliberate movements kept it mostly at bay. 

The water felt like heaven against your skin. For several moments you just let it pour over you, hoping it could wash away your feelings. It didn't work, especially when soaping yourself down you imagined for a second not being alone in the shower. What it would be like to have him pressed against you, his hands on your wet skin. 

You groaned in frustration because you felt too awful to get yourself off but thinking about Luke in the shower left you incredibly horny. You finished your shower and shut off the water. Wrapped in your robe and with a towel on your head you sat on the edge of your tub to think about everything. You couldn't deny your feelings for Luke any longer, but had no idea what to do about them. You were starting to suspect he was a little conflicted himself. You decided to test that a bit, and made your way back to your room. Despite it being just after six pm you dug through your pajama drawer finding a matching grey tank and shorts set that was girly cute but not obviously sexy, with a pink lace bralette and purple boy shorts underneath. Sitting on your bed you got the bralette and tank top on just fine, but bending over to try and pull up your panties was not happening. You texted Luke downstairs

I need help getting dressed

He came back upstairs quickly his eyes going wide as he realized your predicament.

"Can you please just hook them on my feet and pull them up where I can reach?" You tried sounding irritated but you were super nervous. So was he from the looks of it, he nodded and swallowed before kneeling and carefully looping the underwear over your feet pulling them up until your hands met his just below your knees. The whole time not looking up at you but his eyes fixed on the hem of your shirt as it grazed your thighs. You saw him blink back to reality and abruptly stand up and turn around. You pulled the panties over your hips and sat back up. 

"You can turn back around now." You teased him, handing him the shorts when he did. Same thing only this time he let his hands reach your thighs before he stopped, and when took the fabric from his fingers they lingered hovering before brushing the inside of your thigh with the back of his knuckles. 

"Your skin is so soft." You barely heard him and you saw him flush red when he realized what he'd said. He stood up just as you leaned forward and smacked his head into yours.

You both yelped in pain and shock before collapsing onto the bed. You lay there almost in tears until Luke started giggling, which is contagious and soon you're both cracking up. 

This doesn't help your headache and when he sees you wince he stops laughing and pulls himself over next to you. Resting on his side on one elbow he inspects the small knot forming at your hairline. He presses a kiss to the spot and you look up at him and return the favor, smoothing his curls away from his forehead and ghosting your lips across his skin before lying back down. You feel the tension in the air and you decide to make a move. Until your stomach growls breaking the spell. Luke laughs and pats your belly, "Let's get some dinner and watch a movie." 

He carries you downstairs on his back and puts you on the couch so you can order takeout. You already had his order memorized, grilled chicken wrap, no cheese, extra chicken add avocado. You got a chicken pita, extra feta because he always stole some of it. Luke let you pick the movies grumbling when you picked Aladdin yet he always sang along to every song. You would sing with him on the silly songs like "Friend Like Me"and "Prince Ali" , but left the "A whole new world"  to him alone, sometimes closing your eyes and just listening to his voice.  

The food arrives just as he's finishing the song. 

"Ugh I'm starving," he pushes off the couch to answer the door.

He comes back with the food and gets everything set up, winking at you as he immediately stole a big chunk of feta. 

The two of you got quiet as you ate, randomly throwing out  lines, by the time the movie was over you were both finished and full. 

You were getting a bit sleepy so he put Moana on next and laid your head on a pillow in his lap. 

As you watched the movie you became distracted by a loose bright yellow thread in the inseam of his shorts. Rubbing your finger along the seam trying to figure out where the pull started you didn't realize what you were doing until Luke snapped "can you just watch the movie?" 

You were taken aback by the harsh tone until you felt him reach inner the pillow to adjust himself. Then you decided to push it up a notch toying with the hem of his shorts before resting your hand on his thigh and giving him a little squeeze.

"Thank you for taking care of me today, I appreciate it," you keep your voice low and stretch your legs out a bit letting your shorts ride up. After a few minutes of you moving around Luke finally taps your shoulder. 

"I gotta go to the bathroom," he tells you and you sat up, noticing the bulge he tried to hide in his shorts. 

When he got back you saw it was gone and he seemed more relaxed. Luke checked the time on his phone.

"I should go before I fall asleep here, and really get myself into trouble." He grins at you and helps you to your feet for a hug. 

"Make sure you keep drinking water and no more drinking like that ok. I don't like seeing my girl upset like that, he doesn't deserve it," Luke tilted your chin up to meet his eyes. He looked at you with such warmth and caring you didn't want him to leave but you couldn't make yourself tell him that. "And no Michael, no Calum, you're off limits and they know this " 

"You're not my daddy," you pout sticking out your tongue at him. "What are you gonna do about Leila? She knows you've been here all day and she's pissed," you asked him.

His face darkened, "how do you know that?" 

You realize Luke hadn't told you that, Calum had. Your expression tells on you and Luke nods, "I'll deal with him tomorrow. You need to get some rest, can you get back upstairs?" 

.

You nod, "yeah I'm feeling better, you make a good nurse." 

"Anything for you sweetheart." He wraps you in a hug again kissing your forehead. "You know you're like family to me " 

"Yeah that's the problem."  The words are out of your mouth before your realize it and for a second you think they were too muffled for him to hear. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Luke pulls back from you. His eyes searching yours, and you can't believe he's that surprised.

"Break up with your girlfriend and we'll find out." You blurt out the words and instantly want to take it all back. You pulled back and turned away from him, but he stepped up behind you, just like he has a million times before, and squeezed your shoulders while kissing the top of your head. 

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." Then he's gone.

You text Eva and she rushes over. The next two hours are a rehashing of every second with Luke as well as more information than you needed about Calum's big dick. 

That all happened Sunday. Monday you hadn't heard a word from anyone until Calum texted you after your got home from work. 

They broke up, and he's still not talking to me. He even got into it with Michael today telling him you were off limits. What has he said to you? 

Nothing, once I told him I didn't want him to think of me like a sister I haven't heard a word. I fucked everything up

You said something? Haha No wonder he's freaking out. I don't think you fucked up, but you definitely hit a nerve. You'll hear from him soon

That was Monday, it was now Wednesday and he still hadn't contacted you aside from liking your posts on social media. You'd even texted him yesterday

Heard what happened, hope you're doing ok. Lmk if you need anything

He'd read it almost immediately but hadn't replied. Michael ended up DM'ing you that night to ask you what happened, and why Luke was trying to warn him off. You had to admit you'd told Luke you found him attractive and thought he'd make a nice distraction from your current problems. 

Radio silence stretched until Friday. By the you were a nervous wreck trying to stay busy and not think about it. That just made you think about it more until Luke finally texted you

Hey sorry, I've just been dealing with a lot lately. Tell your mom I said happy birthday, miss ya

You blinked back tears, not because you were hurt, but because you were pissed.  What kind of half assed message was that? After what went down Sunday, not to mention waiting five days to contact you in general. 

Thanks I'll let her know, going out this weekend, hope to see ya

Prob not but will see

You were stunned at his answer and Calum agreed he was acting like a bitch. Calum and Michael had already convinced you to come out to the club with them Friday. Luke was mad and wouldn't go so you could have fun without worrying about Luke and whatever was going on between the two of you.

You and Eva showed up to the club that night and gave your names at the door. Calum put you on the list for VIP so you went all out. Your black halter top and a silver sequin mini skirt must've looked decent on you given the wicked grin Michael gave you when he saw you. You took a shot from Calum's hand and raised a toast, "to moderation," and you both laughed taking the shot. It was then you saw Luke, sitting in the corner and glaring at you. 

"What is he doing here?" You hiss at Calum who shrugs. 

"He found out you were coming and suddenly he had to be here. He's mad at us so we're not fucking with him right now. Ignore him, have fun with us." 

Eva pulled her onto the floor and they danced together feeling the guys watching them. After a couple songs you wanted a glass of water. Michael was right there, handing you water and flagging down the server so you could order something stronger. You got a tall vodka and cranberry and cozied up to Michael. He was whispering to you and cracking jokes to make you laugh while never getting too handsy or flirty. Calum and Eva were all over each other and you caught Luke's eye as Michael murmured something in your ear. Luke glared at you and you responded by blowing him a kiss. 

Luke almost smiled but he looked away, determined to be difficult.

You rolled your eyes and let Ashton lead you out to the dance floor. Music was blasting and you were a decent dancer, and Ashton knew some moves.  It was sensual, but not too sexy and you felt he was holding back.

"I thought you were supposed to have hips," you teased him as he turned you three times before bringing you back into him, his fingers lightly resting on your hips.

Accepting the challenge he rolled his hips, thrusting a bit more aggressively against you. Calum noticed and began to cheer you guys on as you danced closer together. You saw Luke stand up. Michael held him back, trying to talk him down, but Luke pushed past him towards where you were. 

He cut in and Ashton gave you a wink as he backed away. You kept dancing as if you didn't notice. Luke's fingers dug into your hips as he pressed himself against your back, rocking his hips in time with yours, with his breath hot on your neck. Your fingers entwined with his as you followed familiar steps with your favorite dance partner. 

"Come on now, Ashton? What are you thinking? He's worse than Mike. I don't want you being just another one of his girls," Luke snapped.

"You haven't talked to me all week."  You shot back. "How am I supposed to know what you want? Besides you're not my father, my brother or my boyfriend so you don't really get an opinion." 

"We can work on that." He spun you around, your chest pressed to his staring down at you.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You ask, unable to stop staring at his lips. 

"Kiss me and we'll find out." He winked just before his mouth was on yours. His arms circled your waist as your hands crept up his chest feeling his heartbeat race as he kissed you. 

 You were interrupted seconds later by Calum hugging the two of you, jumping around screaming "I knew it, I knew it." 

"Fuck off Calum," Luke snarled and you laughed. 

"No way, I'm a fucking matchmaker and I want credit." Calum was smiling at you proudly. "I knew you guys would be perfect together." 

Luke laughed and pushed Calum out of the way so he could kiss you again.

@kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995​ @ghostofmashton​ @5sosnsfw​ @irwinkitten​ @sexgodashton​ @maluminspace​ @kchillout​

[nauseateddrive]

BACK ALLEY SORCERY by Turner Odorizzi

There's nothing like getting that text at 11:30pm from your dealer. Unsolicited, he tells you "HMU. I got it." You know what 'it' is, because you asked him for it two nights ago. At the time, he told you "out, sry", and then to your roommates you said "Fuck. He just responded and he's out." Your roommates start to fight with passive-aggressive jabs that morph into screaming. All the way up the stairs, you could hear it outside.

But he's got it.

I'm at a bar with two shots in front of me, and the bartender snarls at me for taking my phone out as I was ordering. To satisfy him, I put it up and mumble a vague apology. I turn around to see that everyone else in here is under red lights, faces bathed in pale blood, behaving like there's a comfortable toxin drifting around. All sweating. I slug the two shots and leave the red babble into the back hallway where the bathroom is, but I apologize to the bartender for real before I leave.

He says he can meet me two blocks away in an hour.

That's a long time when you've started to become drunk. The first phase of it materializes convex feelings that flip a mental switch and turn you into a false prophet. I'm so transparent when drunk lately that it's become my default setting. I think I am a false prophet.

I often have these waking nightmares when I'm drunk, usually concerning the haphazard and brutal way the world maintains itself. Lately, they've become increasingly unreal.

I finally leave after debating, and as soon as I step out onto the street, I smell the falafel drifting out of that long white truck across the street. To my right, a homeless woman snaps at this girl's ankles while they're talking; the girl likely deserves to have been bit. She's what I would call a talker: one of those placating the downtrodden with a lousy quarter, iPhone in hand. These people on the streets are treated like a dogs, so it's only natural that they react as a dog would.

I digress.

There's an hour before my dealer can meet me, and now I'm thinking I could become a runner of his, you know? A loyal soldier.

A text comes in, but not from my dealer. I'm becoming angrier and spewing emotion like piss out of my eyes.

It reads: 'What r u doing? I'm downtown. Derek and I just picked up. Wanna join?'

She knows me well enough to know I'm getting drugs. It's got nothing to do with her. My anger is vitriol that's been forcibly caged, ready to gnash its teeth and make a feral attack, but I'm sure I'll be more kind when I'm high. By that point, I'll be knee deep in the oblivion I burn into my stomach, and less acquainted with how lucid and fractured all the days seem. Hopefully I'll be nicer then.

I text back: 'Yeah, maybe. Running errands first.'

Errands always means drugs in my world.

There's something unfair about being robbed of my self-image in a place so low-lit. How dare they take me for such a simple projection?

Goddamn, he should be here already.

He knows I'll linger on this stool until he strolls up, grinning like he's got a secret, however late or tempestuous he seems. I’m a cool condensation on a tall glass, just waiting like hell to fall.

But then he taps me on the shoulder. My mind snaps to attention, the neurons all firing with voracious action potentials, and it feels like a stroke but good and warm; my mouth is drowning in saliva. Finally, I can just feel serene and let the drug do its goddamn job.

"Come on. Hit the bathroom with me."

I trail him back to the bathroom, around the corner. He hands me the bag; I hand him the money in the same motion. We do a bump together and then I'm sent on my way to do my drugs in peace.

She texts again:

" At Carrie's. No cover tonight. Would love to see u."

I must be more drunk than I thought, because I don't remember getting here, or being checked for ID. I only remember getting this drunk. But here I am at Carrie's, the bar where she is and where she wants me to meet her. Here. What an absurd concept under the cover of night, blinded by the drugs and the drinks, especially since I could just as easily be there as here. Here or there? I'm already drunk, and I can't tell.

When I first see her, I'm stuck in the memory of our last encounter where, at the wrong moment, I wilted.

About a gram in with twelve drinks washing it down, I looked down to a flaccid dick. Hyper-flaccid. I was on my knees behind her, so she couldn't actually see, but she could definitely feel it. Trying to maneuver it then, in that faltered state, is like death throes in the aftermath of a waning battle, where she's standing there waiting on my surrender to it, because she's seen failing infantry before. She's waiting for me to run down the hill, pants hanging sloppily around my ankles, bellowing that I'm not dead yet.

It happened so quick and mutated to become furiously disappointing. Wilted flowers limp over the edge of the vase, unable to photosynthesize or cope. The question: Does she remember? I'll never let it go; my dick happens to be a good three quarters of my personality. I still remember what she said to me when I huffed and leapt off of the bed like some wounded coyote, to go out for a cigarette.

"Come on! Turner? It's fine, I swear! Please just come back to bed, you can smoke that in here, and we will just open the window. Please, you know it's not a big deal."

She kissed me, and I felt marginally better...but I had stumbled onto my curse.

She stroked the back of my neck while I laid horizontally across her lap. Scorched ego; Typical male bullshit. But that's what chaos looks like for me. Destruction is my motif.

In my head, my dick would never work again, for good or ill. It was permanently soft with embarrassment and inability and extraordinary self-loathing. Without that crucial three quarters, what am I?

He's nobody. He's faceless.

We go upstairs to the balcony dance floor, one step and then two at a time. The staircase is made of new, stained wood steps. Reminds me that this is the point of the night where all highs coalesce and I am... boisterous.

Once we get a drink, she tells me she dropped her small bag of coke when we hugged by the downstairs bar. She must have lost some of it in the process, maybe all, because now she turns to me morose, verging on drug tears in the middle of the dance floor. She asks me if I had bought any from Stone earlier.

She leads me to the darkest stall in the most remote corner of the bathroom.

"Did you pick any up, baby?"

"I don't like it when you call me baby, so please don't. But yeah, I bought some. I met him at the bar, but I waited longer than I wanted to. I should've left."

"I'm glad you didn't. Can I have some, baby?"

Now she's doing it on purpose.

I'm already feeling the pretense to the emotional crash which is requisite in the valleys with uppers. It's fingering my spine, and my ass is cold.

That crash acts as a proving ground to see which drug users will spill over into the abyss.

We finish off what I had left, both of us licking the top of the container earnestly afterward. It's clean by the end.

My fugue state is resolute, allowing me to float through all of this as if it were a dream. But I have sparse hopes, and I want to cry. Badly. There is something welling up, and I need to cry.

"What did you just say?"

"What?"

"I'm asking you what you just fucking said, you drunk-ass."

She chuckles in between drinks.

"I don't...really know. It just feels like I really need to cry right now."

"Um...okay. Did I, like, do something to you?"

In moments like this, I wish there was more booze in the world than I could handle. Like so much booze, that it spews from and falls over the sides of all of those high rises downtown, raging throughout the city, happy to pick me up and transport me to some other place. A place where it's okay to be catatonically fucked up on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, the coke is really getting on top of me.

"No, I never said that. Look, it's not you, and honestly it has nothing to do with you. I just...I can't explain it. I feel gravity more than anyone should, I don't know. That seems like the best way to describe it."

She looks forward.

"It's ridiculous. Fucking tears."

"Well, do you want a hug or something? Or...maybe you need another drink?"

There's a tone in her voice that's covered in moss. Furtive, too. Judging by her oblique reaction, this is what nullifying the rules of engagement is like. Sensory destruction. I can feel that dogging me.

"No, just...never mind. I'm going outside, but I'll be back. I need a cigarette."

I won't see her again tonight, unless darker forces are at work.

Somewhere, in a grand tower with walls of cinder-colored brick, there's an aging wise man, with eyes like surreptitious black pearls, wearing what I could only describe as an onyx-colored warlock's cloak. The cloak trails behind him while he mans the strong brass bell at the top of the antechamber like a ringing monument. It chimes in step with those darker forces.

I sit down on the front steps of a hotel, searching my pockets for...no, there it is, my wallet. I am still me. How fucking disappointing after all the drugs, the alcohol, that some catalytic change didn't materialize. If only I could use alchemy to transmute myself into something productive, maybe someone or something else. As above, so below won't fucking cut it anymore. Those platitudes are hanging from that bell tower as shredded banners.

Can't the warlock hear me over that goddamn bell?

She's texting me again, realizing I'm not good on my word.

"WTF. Where did u go? Are u getting more? I'll pitch on it if you just meet me."

"Pls. Text back. I'm going to Line Bar. Meet me."

I can't help but wonder whether the beginning of hatred is always so subtle? I mean, is it always so...slippery? That I cannot exhale. She won't see me for the rest of the night, except as a useful vision of drugs but I'm just an outline there. A... falsehood. But that doesn't matter, because I would rather smoke on these steps in mute conversation with the warlock, listening carefully as he heaves back and forth, tugging the rope that bids the bell to toll.

Now It's clear that we're approaching the point in the night where the residual effects of all highs begin to wane and shrink up into themselves. They're dull, lanky fingers tickling the insides, fading quickly.

Fading toward an end.

The word of the hour is ‘terminate’. It comes from the Latin word terminus meaning border or end. We're approaching that end. Of everything: the night, the bell, the protective haze of the drugs and the booze. The warlock is shedding his cloak right there by the bell and watching it settle with the dust on the floor. He looks like me, but older, harder; He's just as close to total annihilation.

I don't hate her because I should, or because I have a rationale beyond self-loathing, or even because I'm some noble man saving her from my affliction. I look at her, or anyone, and it's easier to stomach while I'm drunk. Who can survive with that kind of doped up blanket? Better yet, who would want to?

It's getting colder as I sit here and suck down cigarettes all the way to the charred filter.

Wait.

If I'm right I think I... Do I hear...a bell? No, that's just the violent squeak of an Uber driver's horn. Couple the squeak with the image of two homeless and yellow-eyed men fighting nearby, and then you've got the whole picture. Now, one of the men’s knocked the fuck out on the sidewalk, breathing like he's smoking in his sleep.

The warlock whispers, "He's nobody. Now, grab the knife."

Drunkenness is making a hard comeback now. Confusion of...me? Am I not me? The most pressing concern I have is the warlock fading in and out of my vision. Who is he, and why does he keep prodding me to grab some presumably nonexistent knife?

It’s the drugs, I swear.

Am I swearing to the warlock? If so, that begs the question as to whether or not he can hear me.

Who am I?

Only after the haze has made its comeback do I realize I'm no longer on those steps but am walking in the direction opposite the bar where she implored me to meet her. While weaving through crowds and lines of people on the sidewalk, I see a couple standing on the precipice of the curb next to a mangled pile of scooters, fighting about something. They fight like good omens, and I can see...well...something about them. Maybe it's the brutish mannerisms of traitors and bullies.

The girl thrusts out her arms in a half-baked attempt to tell the guy to fuck off; she tells him to leave. Perhaps she doesn't want him to, but he does; he's frustrated, yelling 'fuck you' over and over, alternating between tripping on the curb and the street.

I’ve been there, in those shoes. I've been the brick wall of a person she collided with, only to remain solid and immovable.

I need another drink or to crash, whichever can make it first.

Another text. Two, actually.

"Fuck you. U said seee u later."

"Why di you leave?"

When I look up, I'm at some dive bar, but it's impossible to tell which one. There are old beer signs glowing all over, and everything has a thin, nostalgic dust covering it.

Would that I could feel sorry, but I'm too volatile now. There's a corrosive quality to these things I do. I bleach skin with every word and eat through the rest, like the worst dissolving agent ever conceived. Even then, I'll go on knowing its wrong and stand perfectly still.

My dick deserves to never work again. Perhaps I should take the knife the warlock keeps taunting me with - the short one I notice is sitting there on the bar mat - and turn myself into a eunuch, and then, after the dust has settled, I can take my severed dick and paste it up on the wall like some anti-trophy.

I could see that.

The bartender hands me the last shot of the night, and it tastes like nothing, feels like vapor and kicks me straight in the liver with a twelve-pound steel toe.

After some time, the bar staff ushers us out like drunken cattle, and everybody descends into their phones.

But something happens in that flood of people, among the fucked up din of their cries and slurred shouts. There are far too many people crying outside of the bars tonight, and it's shameful that I'm not even one of them. By the way, how do you cry? Can someone tell me, because I'm drawing a wide blank? What are the mechanisms and motions? If only I could give someone five dollars just so they would teach me how to cry, like an in-person tutorial.

In a bizarre twist, I've become a zealot for crying in the vicinity of bars tonight.

But the bells start again; I hear them ringing out, chime after full, throaty chime. Bells, like the fucking Edgar Allan Poe poem repeating 'the bells' line after line. The warlock has really dug in.

I can't keep ignoring him.

My phone buzzes, but it feels more neurotic and nagging every time it vibrates, and I can sense that neuroses summiting my spine, hovering there like a curse.

I slink down along the wall next to a cluster of dumpsters, the alcohol taking control of basic motor functions this time. I grab my phone with violence in mind.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! STOP! GODDAMN, STOP! SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP."

I rear back and chuck it at the wall opposite me. It hits the brick with a plastic thud and shatters slovenly. I can hear all the words escaping from it into the air. It flashes and breathes with little electric impulses, the life finally going out as something shuffles up beside me.

"You asked it to shut the fuck up y'know. Bit dramatic, heh."

"What? Where the fuck did you come from?"

"I'm Lenny, yeah. Just sayin', yeah...it did what you asked."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks?"

He gazes down at me, fiddling with some glass thing between his fingers and tossing it from hand to hand. Crack pipe, is it? No. Maybe? Well, if it is, and If I ask him, he might toss some my way, which could be a great way to pass the time while I lose my mind up against this filthy alley wall. It will just be a small hit, you know, just enough to take me away for a second.

Before I can ask, something overtakes me. I can't tell if this man is real.

My vision is blinded by an esoteric haze, and I can't be sure Lenny isn't just a facsimile of something or someone I've encountered in my worst dreams, because he does look familiar. Maybe he's never touched a drug in his life. I envy him. He's scruffy, but smiling. I think it's me who is the junkie.

Even better, this could be the warlock passing himself off as a man living off the street, like a messiah.

The bells come back fuller, and they ring louder as I feel psychosis encroaching on me, daring me to go just one step further and fall over my edge, to cross that border and finally come to the crucial end. The last stage, and the whole world's a stage. What a stage this godforsaken alley will be when this is a play in some dinky theater.

Dong, Dong, Donggggggg.

"Hey man, let me ask you, you got a dollar?"

"No. Uh, No, man, I'm sorry. I don't have a phone either."

He grunts and whispers something about me lying, which I am. I'm a liar. Tonight is full of these strange thoughts and lies. How...fucked up am I, really? How much more miserable can I get? Those are the thematic concerns of my whole fucking life. Those studying me will have to accept my capricious self and take these fundamental themes with them, because there's nothing left: no cigarettes, no drugs, no real me.

In fact, I think this would be as good a place to die as any. Better here than someone else's bed; the light is good enough to show that I don't seem the kind of person who should die in an alley, adjacent to shit and sewer water.

The bells are ringing out across my mental landscape. I can't hear anything else, I can't feel anything but the warlock's gaze. He's not laughing, just looking down with placid eyes. What does he see?

I look at my reflection in the puddle where my dead phone lays. Is this me?

Smile.

There's always tomorrow.

Turner Odorizzi is an author that lives in Austin, Texas. He is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin's English and Creative Writing programs, in addition to being an intern for the Bat City Review. As of yet, he is previously unpublished.

[mmchangnam]

sigh 🤡 follow me, i’ll show you the whole world ( he ! )🠦 shin changnam. my whole world. the whole world. same thing. he’s everything. anyway i’m always here for plotting, i never sleep ig and my discord is (  🌙 taeil ONLY extras BEGONE !#8289 )

formally known as shin changnam, youngest of the shin family ( shin 3 ), once known for many great deeds ( ie. having a major role in the korean independence movement w/ his ancestor cheongcheon, and also aiding noko during the great famine 94 ) he is nowadays just a barbecue prince. leads an extremely quaint, quiet life. super normal family, pretty normal kid.

the shin bbq place is pretty well known, good location and wizard friendly ~ their name may not exactly be making waves like the lee’s, moon’s or won’s in current day, but they get by! some of the elderly still think of this place fondly for it’s been run by the shins. and uh, i’m not trying to say the food is good as hell and the prices are better but hey. that’s exactly what i’m saying

he’s 16 int, 18 kr. a first year. house baek ho ! baek ho represent !!!!

not the smartest kid but definitely one of the hardest working kids you know in yosul right now. he walked through those doors ready to make waves.

literally involved in everything he can be without maxing himself out. 

this includes:   

baek ho first year prefect,

herbology club

chollima’s fan club

baek ho announcer for the intramural quidditch team

tbh he’s a classic extrovert. he is so babey. he’s such a cinnamon roll !!!!!!!!!!!!! also he WILL do horrible aegyo to get his way don’t fucking tempt him, it’ll be so cringe and you’re going to break in 10 seconds, BET.

he likes to tease and horse around, gently bullies his friends, speaks informally to hyungs, and just generally is likely asking for an ass beating at almost all times.

definitely the kid who’s quiet in class except when he’s answering questions or asking them, but then he goes into the hall and he’s like AH YO WADDUP YOSUL MAKE SOMe NOIZE !

very nice boy !!!! very very nice boy !!! many good in his heart !!! 

he doesn’t know who he wants to be right now, or what he wants to be when he grows up. but herbology and magical creatures really get him jazzed. he also kind of loves charms though. he’s bad at math though, he’ll leave you on read @ anything like math or reading.

he probably seems like the kid who’s going to be at the back of the yearbook in like 5 most ! / least ! likely categories. like most likely to accidentally become president etc.

decided way more innocent than he seems. but he’s goin through some growing pains atm, and could really use lots of friends and a good support system.

uh he doesn’t sleep! he’s an insomniac and it shows, he always has dark circles under his eyes and looks like death so maybe it’s weird that he talks so much and always seems like he’s at 100% energy, but you just learn to accept it after a while.

he will fight you over his best friends, or making girls cry.

prefect hours always open, soft boy hours always open, loving friends hours always open. CHEONG RYEONG HOURS ALWAYS CLOSED !!!!!! ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ proven fact is that BAEK HO is best house, JU JAK is second best house and HYEON MU are cute so they’re ok too!!!!! dragons are YUCK and will NOT beat intramural baek ho team EVER you hear what i’m sayin WHITE TIGER FAR SUPERIOR!!!???!!!

currently dyed his hair (again) it’s like this now! when will the merry-go-round end? it’s like warm light brown now!   

i’m not even going to suggest plot bunnies, i’ll do it in dms on a personal basis because i have a lot of ideas for dynamics so hmu !  ! ! in hindsight i lied, in the updated version of this ( i am including VERY basic plots concepts i’m seeking ) because i’m a clown.

CLOSE FRIENDS. best friend spot TAKEN but it is ok fellow cuties he has a BIG heart

people he can baby and bring food or cook food for. let the baby baby you for FREE at least once a week

a very pretty noona/hyung that he can get tongue tied around

hyungs that hate when he informally talks to them and also bullies them ( feel free to bully him back, he can take it )

SPORTS! anyone interested in quidditch, playing quidditch etc. people who like his teams, people who are fans of rivals teams.

someone who will make him into a terrible prefect because he sometimes does you favors or lets you go free without getting in trouble...

tutor him in math today for money or other favors because the boy can’t even add....

you can, without absolutely any trouble, adopt him!!!! FREE baby bro, exclusive offer, with experience (youngest and only son in his family!!!) he can make barbecue...not limited time offer.

he loves magical creatures and herbology atm (it’s his flavor of the week) so maybe you love those too, or maybe you hate them and it’s like wtf weirdo plant boy get out of my way!

[ingenves]

     hello angels ! the name’s moose ( she/her ) & i love bugs and poutine. it’s late af so im off to bed right away but ! i would love to plot with each and every single one of you so definitely feel free to HMU ( on here or u can ask for my discord if u prefer ) or LIKE THIS and i’ll come to u ! i don’t have a wc page or anything sorted out yet but we rollin. you can peep saskia’s pinterest board HERE for the aesthetic™ 

     ⌈ sophie turner, cisfemale, she/her ⌋ hey, is it SASKIA GRAHAM that you’re looking for? you know, the TWENTY-ONE year old ACTRESS. typically i see them hanging around NEPTUNE’S DINER so you could try there! i hear they’ve been in living in KINGSTON for ONE YEAR. gristol wouldn’t be the same without them, right? anyway, whenever i see them they make me think of fresh manicures, sweet nothings whispered in french & broken champagne bottles on a tile floor. 

ok so! lil miss saskia is the only child of infamous director lloyd graham and his second wife anna, a talent agent. they split up when she was a baby and although she was born in london, she primarily grew up in paris where she lived w her father and her step mom anaïs who was just an up-and-coming designer at the time of their marriage

as u can imagine, she grew up living this extravagant and opulent lifestyle that she’s since become addicted to

it was hard to be a normal kid w the parents she had, but.....all of her friends were also a part of the same world she was. as far as her childhood goes, ofc she was super duper privileged so it wasnt HARD but it also wasnt always easy??

she started acting when she was v young. she started her career in theatre as a child actor and then occasionally making small appearances in various movies that her father was working on, but her career rly took off when she hit her teen years.

she’s got a reputation for being a scream queen, most of her filmography consisting of indie french horror and thriller movies. she’s fairly well-known in france and in europe for her work but not so much in the americas unless ur into french / foreign film ig?

her father has always had most of the control over her career. although he had no part in getting her roles, he did police what she could and couldn’t audition for and he did his best to make sure that she stayed scandal-free and out of the tabloids to avoid taking a dump on the family name u know?

which is........kind of funny bc her dad is WELL KNOWN for being horrible to work with, short-tempered, demanding, all that good stuff. he’s also just.....rude. and elitist and he thinks he’s better than everyone else even tho his movies arent even THAT good. satan himself, probably

so ofc saskia didn’t want to work w him either and it was exhausting having to be his DAUGHTER when he’s so controlling

they had this MASSIVE fight eventually, where saskia basically called him out for trying to control every aspect of her life instead of just letting her LIVE and take her career and her life in the direction she wanted to. he claimed that every single one of her accomplishments was because of HIM and because of their name and without all their money she would be nothing and that made her FURIOUS bc as much as yes, her family did help her get her foot in the door and get auditions, all of the work she’s done and every role she’s gotten was because she earned it, not because of anyone else

in an act of spite and to give her dad two big ole MIDDLE FINGERS she moved to the place her father hates the most, new york city. that’s what she told him, at least, but she settled in gristol instead, just a short drive away from the big apple

she never rly pictured herself living there since.....paris is her entire life and she’s never rly had an interest in expanding her horizons to american film but.........now that she’s tryna piss off her dad she just might :/

ditched her big fancy house for a cute lil apartment that she adores

tbqh she’s just been taking a hiatus from her career since moving, straight chillin most of the time , kind of laying low and getting her ducks in a row, letting her father stew while not knowing wtf she’s been doing for a year

but she’s bored bored BORED and she doesn’t want to go back home so she’s just getting her career going again, going to auditions and doing the whole dealio u know how it be

that abt sums it up??? let me talk abt her cancer ass now

she’s SUPER good at keeping a facade and then going home to cry herself to sleep afterwards

lowkey insecure af

riddled w trust issues

as u can tell, she is a spiteful little shit

she doesn’t like to talk abt her feelings but then.....gets offended when ppl dont realize when she’s upset or angry??? *lisa from the room vc* i don’t want to talk about it

she takes criticism very personally and will most definitely get angry at u if u criticize her in any way

wtf is a stable emotion???? she has no idea

her life is a constant cycle of overreacting to things

don’t get me WRONG she is actually quite a sweetheart but it’s when u try to call her out or break her trust that she does a fuckin flip flop and goes bananas

she out here destroying herself so no one else can :/

she gets stressed out v easily and always has to take time for herself ahdsjkfg. spa days are what keep her going

loyal af to the ppl who are loyal to her!!!!!

can be lowkey manipulative without even realizing what she’s doing. just a smooth talker rly

ok some lil extra bits for ur consideration

she rly.....had no idea how to live by herself tbqh after moving out. she was LOST. didn’t know how to do laundry or make coffee or do the dishes, she didn’t know SHIT MY GUY. for someone who is v intelligent she rly......had a hard time adjusting to Real life.

occasionally walks the runway for her step-mom but her true Passion is acting

she has to take a nap every day or else she is impossible to deal with

likes to Partay but she always texts her exes when she’s drunk :/

a sentimental BITCH!!!! keeps every letter and birthday card anyone has ever given her. she has money so like.....she prefers to receive sentimental gifts that make her lowkey soft heart Melt.

loves spontaneous trips and adventures

since moving to gristol she’s become less of a fashion bitch and more of a casual comfort hoe but.......the gal always has her nails done

she hasn’t spoken to her dad since she moved away but she talks to her step-mom almost everyday bc she adores that womaN

she absolutely.....adORES american culture. she watched a ton of american tv growing up and she idolizes that shit dude

fluent in french & english ofc!! has a lil french accent

ok that’s all i have rly thank u for reading this far if u did and if not i feel u man and i still love u 

[ncbodyknows]

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s just Shino’s gay ass.

So, this is the second time I get to celebrate the anniversary of this group and man, a lot has happened since last time. One year ago I was but a wee mun in the masses of rookies, a mere two month old RPer in this community. I didn’t know where to start or where to end back then, and frankly I wasn’t even sure if I would be able to stick around due to my notorious habit of muse hopping and getting tired of my characters after a short time. But will this setting ever allow me to become tired? I don’t think so. So much happens all the time and I feel so attached to my characters that I can’t even imagine myself without them right now. Back then I had literally just apped Youngjae here, and I had this to say about him:

“As for Youngjae, he’s still so much of a mess. Muse wise he’s older than Jinwoo, but his character is going to take a lot longer to settle into the mindset of the setting. He’s rude, blunt and selfish, and such a mess of contradicting emotions and I hate him no I don’t I love him but don’t tell him that. I’m so glad that he’s been so well received despite not exactly being the perfect fit for the group’s setting. Will he ever be able to become a rookie? I don’t know the answer to that yet, but I can’t wait to see him develop as a person and a character.”

It’s incredibly interesting to look back and see how it is because although he’s still a mess, I think I’ve come so far with his character development that I can’t help but feel emotional about it. I recently did a poll on my twitter about which of my rk boys people liked the best, and Youngjae won by quite a bit much to my surprise considering how problematic he can be. He’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea, and I apologise for that, but he is my baby nonetheless and I love him with my whole heart. He’s growing to become one of my favourite muses of all time and although he’s still rude, blunt, and selfish, he’s also a person who tries his hardest for the things he wants even when he might not know he want them. He’s caring in his own way for the people he cares about. He’s thirsty for acknowledgement, and honestly I’m amazed that I’m standing here a year later with both him and Jinwoo signed although let’s be real this boy is just a scandal waiting to happen.

Youngjae is not the only one who has gone through development, although I feel as though it’s been slower for Jinwoo, partly because I’m slow as a mun, partly because I’ve spent the past few months in an rp slump after moving to Japan and being stressed af, and partly because this bastard Youngjae is hogging all my attention. But he’s slowly breaking out of his shell and slowly gaining more confidence in himself, and most importantly he wants to become someone newer trainees at KT can look up to for advice and motivation. He just wants to help those who might need it like he himself was helped when first getting signed.

A thing that has changed since a year ago though is that I now have a third boy to pay attention to as well. Sanha started as Daehwi but eventually became the person he is now due to my struggles with the other faceclaim. He is my baby boy although he wants to be more adult than he actually is. He is my hyperactive mess of a muse who does before he thinks, and I can’t wait to get to develop him more as time progresses and Youngjae chooses to shut up so I can pay attention to my other boys.

As I did last year, I want to give some special mentions and words to people who have really made my stay here amazing and who I’m glad I got to know. I’m going to cut it down to a few people or I might end up talking forever, but here’s a general thank you to everyone who has interacted with me in these past 1 year and 2 months I’ve been a part of Rookies. And if we haven’t interacted yet... *Finger guns* Hmu.

@moonbokrk Shizuka, you’re honestly one of the most fantastic people in the world and I’m so happy you decided to join me in this place. I can’t even remember how long we’ve known each other by now but it’s been many amazing years and I love you so much. Thanks for always being there for me and making my days amazing.

@jacksonxrk Wassup loser? Did you know that I love you? Like so incredibly much? You were one of the first people who appeared in my ims back when I first joined and I was honestly so relieved that I managed to click with you so well as a fellow Astro rper. You made me feel welcome and have in the meanwhile become one of my best friends like whoa I’m so platonically gay for you

@yutark Of course you get a spot on this list as well <3 I care about you a lot and honestly I’m so glad I hit you up for plotting because our threads are some of the ones that mean the most to me and inspire me the most to develop especially Youngjae but also Jinwoo. I swear that my boys would never be where they are today if not for you and your boys. Youngjae says Yuta can go rot in a pit tho.

@yienrk You’re the only solo mention I actually haven’t interacted with IC lol but honestly I’m so glad that I managed to beat my social anxiety and go talk to you because man are you a Good Person. I love losing my shit over our boys with you and it’s just? So amazing to have someone to talk to who appreciates them just as much. And is a sweet hecking person on top of that. And lets me be salty af when I want to get it out. Can’t wait to get to interact with Yien one day <3

rk astro chat @rkdongmin & @rkmbin & @rkpmh Tali got a double mention wtf stay in your lane FIRST THING FIRST man has it been fun to watch you two grow your love from Astro over this past time we’ve known and been talking to each other Tali you don’t count you were already hooked from the start but I had to include you in this section because you’re also an mvp. I just love how much these boys have captured your hearts, it’s so soft and pure and it makes me happy. I love the weird shenanigans our group chat always seems to be up to and there’s honestly never a dull moment. You guys are true mvps *finger guns*

KT Boyz @rksunwoo & @rkjohnny & @aronrk & @minhyukxrk & @rkgray & @taeminrk I KNOW THERE ARE MORE OF YOU SORRY BUT I HAVEN’T REALLY INTERACTED WITH Y’ALL YET SO *finger guns* let’s. You guys get a special mention here because you’ve honestly been taking such good care of me and Jinwoo. When he first got signed I was still so new that everything was incredibly overwhelming to both he and I, but you made me feel so welcome and helped me out with a lot of things both ic and ooc and I’m very thakful for that.

New gen Sphere Boyz @rkseokwoo & @rkjeon & @suhork I honestly can’t wait to get started on our shenanigans and get closer to y’all and your muses because i’m so excited for what’s in store for our boys. This can turn into something beautiful, and, I mean, if anything goes wrong we can always have Seokwoo go naked for the lulz

Other special mentions go to @rkxminhee & @rkseonho & @rksomi & @rkdonghyun & @rkmxrk being rad ass mofos who have also made me feel welcome ESPECIALLY JEN LIKE CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS BAD BITCH LET ME STAY IN HER APARTMENT MAN I MISS HER AND HER CATS let’s go swan boating again uwu

I probably forgot at least one person and I’m very sorry if I did but I’m running on not a lot of sleep and I’m sick af just know you’re all amazing and stay cool

I’m out

[tcareum-blog]

hey guys whats up whats good!! im dree and here i present to u my messy bby g, princess song areum!! im so hella excited for this rp and i can’t wait to plot w every single one of u!!! below the cut is a tl;dr of her life, but like this post and i’ll slide right into ur dms :~) for ur ease, i also have twt @ kkwngs and discord @ emflesque#2870 if u’d prefer to plot there!!! thanks for listening and stay lit yall :~)

🥀 — the oldest daughter of king kwangsun’s oldest sis

🥀 — bc her birth was so close to queen hyesu’s rise to power && at the time she was most impressionable was when literally everyone was plotting against the queen, naturally ya girl became the #1 witch hater and wanted to drive them to extinction!!!

🥀 — she also thought her uncle was hella useless, weak, soft-hearted, dim-witted, compliant, etc etc to ever become a competent king bc This happened during his reign and He is the one who put his lil dick in the witch queen wtf!!! cancelled!!! how is the King of all people fraternising with the enemy!!!

🥀 — as i said before, everything listed here is all v private and silent, and not many people know abt her ulterior motives and true Self!! basically most people think she’s all like “omg i pricked my finger on a thorn :(((” “o no i got mud on my skirt im a delicate flower pls help this is a disaster :(((”

🥀 — she may or may not have been caught ( by the queen ) ransacking in the queen’s sleeping chambers tryna look for the tenebrarum to break it and destroy magic once and for all

🥀 — from That Encounter, hyesu realised how hateful and snakey areum was, so she curses her w the sleeping beauty curse :oo what this curse entails is her feeling lethargic 24/7 ( so she’s too tired to stir any more shit ), and the number of sleep she needs per day will proportionately increase ( at her current age of 23, the hrs of sleep required has increased to 16 hrs a day ) until she hits the age of 30. that’s when she’ll need more than 24 hrs of sleep aka she’ll sleep forever and never wake up!!

🥀 — the curse can only be broken when she kisses “the one”!!! but the trick is idk much abt the existence of soulmates in this universe but for this curse specifically, anyone can actually be “the one”... all areum has to do is Believe, w her whole heart, that they are, but bc areum isn’t the kinda girl who values romance all too much ( rlly my girl's top priority is lowkey power but mostly the Best for the entire kingdom, romance being the v v small yellow post-it side note stuck onto the corner of some abandoned table ), and she’s also extremely practical so soulmates?? doesn’t exist!!!

🥀 — mistaking the key to breaking the curse for finding a True soulmate aka one v specific person ( and not someone she just Believes to be her soulmate ), she basically plays the role of a v coy, seductive princess, and will Kiss Any Boy she stumbles upon, peasant or not, hoping to break the spell

🥀 — once she does her first action is gna be to overthrow kwangsun bc this man has fucked her kingdom up enough!!!! not to mention marrying a peasant and mcfreakin legitimising quote unquote “his wh*re’s children” so they’re part of the monarchy even tho they don’t have royal blood!!! she’s gna find a way to legitimise herself as the new heir apparent and Save The Kingdom!!!!

...clearly idk how tl;dr’s work but hmu anw!!!

[soybeansoyul]

complete. | jinhwi

pairings: jinhwi, panwink, minhwan, ongniel

summary: jinyoung needs someone to fill the void in him. he’s also looking for a new housemate. and some money.

warnings: idk swearing? 

chapters: 1/2 

cross-posted from aff, ao3 and wattpad.

jinyoung groans as he looks at his tuition bills. he still has more envelopes laying on the kitchen counter. more bills, probably. "fuck you, park jihoon," jinyoung mutters as he opens another envelope.

he rolls his eyes at how his best friend had moved out of their shared apartment just to live with his boyfriend of 3 years - an extremely tall taiwanese boy named guanlin. 

boyfriend.

jinyoung whips out his phone to make a google search.

is it normal if ive never dated anyone and im like 20?

he skims through the search results and puts his phone down.

bjy @baejin

YALL its comfirmed im dying alone im gonna b single 4 lyfe !!11!

bjy @baejin

jk im not lonely or desperate i just need money

bjy @baejin

if u wanna sponsor ur boy's tuition pls hmu !

woojin @nationsdarkpast

@baejin if jaehwan-hyung could find someone u can too! WOOOO

sungwoon is shaking @kingjaehwan

@baejin @nationsdarkpast THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN ???

an idea pops into jinyoung's head. he heads to his bedroom and grabs his laptop.

jinyoung plugs out one of his earphones and turns to glare at the couple sitting behind him.

bjy @baejin

who in the fuck holds hands while studying?? its a damn library get out if ur gonna hanky panky and not study ffs

minhyun @optimushwang

And here we have another episode of Angsty Teen

it was sejeong and doyoung - the presidents of choir. the two seniors had heavenly voices and they were one of the sweetest couples on campus. jinyoung just didn't appreciate having to hear their "haha i love you" "no i love you more!" debate while he was trying to finish his essay.

"why so glum?" he looks up to see daniel, along with seongwoo and jisung. "i'm not, i'm just annoyed at the PDA," jinyoung replies, and continues to type away at his laptop. "by the way, hi hyungs,"

"how have you been? you seem really stressed out lately," jisung asks, concerned. "i'm fine. just broke." jinyoung's eyes don't leave his laptop.

"you're renting out your apartment, right?" seongwoo asks, sipping his coffee. "jihoon replacement?" "yup. and nah, i just need the money."

daniel looks over at seongwoo before speaking. "actually, i have a friend who's interested in moving in," daniel says. jinyoung's eyes instantly light up. "really?"

daniel nods. "do you want his number?" "yes, please!" the trio swears they haven't seen jinyoung so happy in a while. "thank you, daniel!"

baejin: hey, daehwi right?

maguhwi: yep!

baejin: u wanna come over to see the place and stuff? we can discuss afterwards if ur keen

maguhwi: sure ^^

baejin: [address attached]

maguhwi: thanks! see you tomorrow at 4?

baejin: see u :-)

jinyoung opens the door, only to be greeted by the most adorable boy he's ever seen.

you just met him, jinyoung, don't hoe around-

"hi! i'm daehwi, nice to meet you!" the blonde bows, and jinyoung does the same. "i'm jinyoung, nice to meet you too," daehwi was a little shorter than jinyoung, and he had uneven eyelids. jinyoung thought that was cute.

"so, how old are you?" jinyoung starts, waiting for daehwi to step into the apartment. "19."

"oh, i'm 20." daehwi hums in response, and the taller of the two shows him around.  

it's daehwi's first day living with jinyoung, and jinyoung wakes up to daehwi gently shaking him.

"dude, what the fu-"

"i made breakfast, jinyoungie!" daehwi smiles, and jinyoung has question marks floating around in his head.

jinyoungie?

"whoa, how do you look so handsome even when you just woke up?" jinyoung nearly chokes on his own saliva, but somehow manages to shapen up anyway. this beautiful stranger he was now sharing his apartment with - made him breakfast and called him handsome? he snaps out of his daze when daehwi grabs his arm and drags him to the kitchen.

if jinyoung had to name one thing he had learnt about daehwi over the course of 2 weeks - was that the smaller boy was exceptionally clingy. oh, and adorable too.

jinyoung doesn't know how he ended up with daehwi in his lap, leaning against his chest on their couch, watching movies. it was a friday night and neither of the two had plans to leave the house. by the 2nd movie, jinyoung was already sound asleep.

be wakes up at 4am to make a trip to the bathroom - he realises he's in his bed, which is definitely not where he fell asleep. he pokes his head out of his door, and daehwi is still there, wide awake, onto the 4th movie already.

the taller boy is secretly envious of the latter - daehwi didn't go to school. when questioned, he simply said he was taking a year's break to "realize stuff". daehwi could pull all-nighters and do practically anything he wanted, while jinyoung was a (not-so-anymore) broke college student struggling to keep his eyes open in class.

once again, jinyoung doesn't know how, but daehwi somehow ended up being his best friend. the boy was similar to him in a way that they both rarely left the house. as much as jinyoung hated to admit it, he was a sucker for skinship ; and he's always wanted to have someone to hug to sleep. he now does have someone - daehwi. his heart feels like it's about to explode sometimes - he doesn't know what this feeling is. is this love?

friends share the same bed although they have their own rooms, friends kiss each other on the cheek, friends cuddle, friends shower together, right? this, this is all platonic, right?

"hyung, are you single?" the blonde boy currently straddling jinyoung asks. jinyoung nearly chokes on his coffee. 

"yeah."

"you've never had a boyfriend?"

"yeah. never."

"but hyung, you're so handsome. and you're so lovely," jinyoung snickers, and shakes his head.

"no! hyung, you're the best-"

jinyoung doesn't know when the younger's lips had looked so plump and soft, but he quickly learns that he posesses zero self-control when he cups daehwi's face and leans forward to kiss him. he thinks he's going crazy - his heart has never pounded so fast before.

"no, daehwi-yah, it's not what you think it is-"

"yeah, staying up late just to wait for you to come home, only to see you drunk with some woman at the club? right." daehwi spat, anger brazen on his face. "

she's just a friend, hwi," jinyoung sighs, head in his hands. it was true - he was just drinking with the president of his club.

"whatever, go spend more time with your friend, then. we've been together for a year and a half now, i can't believe you'd pull this shit on me," daehwi's furious, and storms out the door before jinyoung can even stop him.

shit. there i go, fucking up everything once again.

niel: wtf happened

baejin: i dont fucking know ok i fucked shit up

niel: :( daehwi's w me and ong rn

baejin: take care of him

baejin: sorry

baejin: i always mess up

"hyung? i'm so, i don't like seeing jinyoung with other people! i don't feel good!" daehwi screams, startling the couple, who were sitting on the couch.

"jealousy? anger?" daniel looks at his boyfriend, confused.

"how in the fuck-"

jinyoung swears to never let daehwi go so easily again. he's glad he has the smaller boy back in his arms. he falls asleep with the latter as his teddy bear. he's been told by others that he seems a lot happier now - and jinyoung thinks it's true. daehwi is the epitome of perfection, it's as if his hands were made for jinyoung ; and jinyoung only. his first love - and his first kiss, his first time holding hands with someone else. jinyoung always felt empty, but with daehwi, he felt complete. jinyoung hopes he never loses him.

jinyoung learns that good things don't last forever when he finds daehwi, laying on the living room floor, pale, eyes shut, with no sign of life whatsoever. 

“daehwi, can you hear hyung? yah, daehwi!" jinyoung shakes him, and he freezes once he hits the cold, hard reality - daehwi's heart isn't beating.

"daehwi, don't scare hyung! it isn't funny!" he shakes him once again, using his phone to call for an ambulance.

"doctor, is he okay?" jinyoung stands up when the doors burst open.

"kid, is this a prank?" the doctor, dongho, according to his nametag, asks.

"what?" jinyoung shakes his head in disbelief.

"why would you bring a robot to a hospital?"

"what? he's my boyf-"

"kid, he's a robot. do we have to unscrew all of this mechanism to prove it to you?" dongho raises an eyebrow.

jinyoung's hair is all messed up, his eyes are puffy and tears are falling from them. he can't believe what's happening.

"he's human - his heartbeat stopped just now, doctor, just help him!"

"he never had a heartbeat. he's a robot."

jinyoung cries even harder, when jisung and minhyun drag him away to the carpark of the hospital. his 7 other friends are waiting for him there.

"you, you knew all along, right?" jinyoung storms up to daniel and grabs him by the collar. "yeah, i knew. we just wanted to help you, jinyoung-" he stutters and minhyun has to step in before jinyoung can throw a punch at daniel.

"all of you knew, too? you all knew he wasn't human?" jinyoung screams, and the 9 nod their head in shame.

"so is this what your fucking shady ass company is about?" he glares at seongwoo and daniel, voice all hoarse, the two looking the most guilty out of all of the boys.

"jinyoung, let us explain," seongwoo puts a hand on jinyoung's shoulder, but jinyoung slaps it away.

"don't talk to me." and with that, jinyoung leaves.

he can't believe it - daehwi, his first love, the one that completed him ; was just a robot. jinyoung laughs bitterly as he walks down the street.

he knew things were too good to be true. who would fall in love with him, anyway?

a/n im so sorry for what ive done

inspo credits go to @/leedaehwi on ao3 for the social media au part!! 

[scubresaut-blog]

( MYOUI MINA | CISFEMALE | SHE/HER ) you’ve heard of holly ikeda ??wait, really ? they’re the quiet intern who’s way too obsessed with gaming, ballet, & coding. somehow, they managed to major in electrical engineering in college. i think they’re twenty one. they’re the kind of crestfallen that enjoys musical plays, intricate computer problems and searching for new restaurants & foods. some people told me they’re supposedly pretty intelligent, open minded, & obliging. but i think they’re just blinded by a pretty face. they’re clearly standoffish, shy, & self-destructive. their favorite thing about buzzfeed is the data.

you guys are so fast my old eyes (and schedule) can not keep up ! this is a queue (late too bc who am i kidding anymore lmao) and i’m tori!! catch some facts about my baby girl under the cut and like this post if you wanna do some plotting tysm!

holly was born early 96 in houston, TX, to immigrant parents; by her birth registry her name is akane ikeda (literally means red yall), but only her family ever uses her japanese name tbh -- bitch have to fit in and stuff, so ! call her holly. only holly thanx

her parents were lq tiger parents tbh? she started ballet classes when she was about 4 or 5, and a few years later started cello classes too. always top of her class in her private school. the pressure wasn’t outspoken, but it was there, or at least holly always felt it & followed it perfectly

she has an older brother who was like?? her hero??? he is about three to four years older than her, and they always tagged along, from sports class to school and musical classes, etc. while holly never was popular, and was more of the outcast, quiet and meek, but with kai (her brother), she was the most comfortable and bubbly. said relationship continued up to their teenagehood!

that’s when all the nastiness of young age comes along. kai starts drifting apart to hang with his pals, always either in his room or in some of his friend’s -- if he was alone, he was snappy and angry, and if he was with his friends he was quieter, more careful. 

holly only found out wtf was going on when she was 14, turning 15, when she, too, befriended kai’s friends -- rather, one friend, the imposing one. alistair was the leader of the boys and he was the first in years to take actual interest on her. it took little for her to completely fall for him, innocent and trusting and needy; during more or less two years they dated, and he taught her a lot. she wasn’t out of her shell fully, but it was easier for her to laugh and interact with others, always tagging along her boyfriend and their little gang, making a lot of his interests her own as well and giving some of hers up (dancing the most, some of the outstanding in her grades, her cherry). because that was what they were, and she was not only “the first lady” but a big part of the brains: while alistair made the plans and confided them (partially) to her, she did all the online bits with the coding, the hacking whatever information necessary, to getting them where they wanted.

she was nearly 18 when they planned the biggest heist, one directed to the government. she was to stay behind and use all kinds of servers for them not to be traced and all netizen bs, and so she started before the power went down. her parents had turned all off and turned them in -- minus their children who were involved. without holly’s backing and with the ikedas turning the crew in, the boys got caught & holly did, too, in her own way: the gang, alistair included, were arrested, and kai shipped off to learn his way back in an uncle’s house in japan. holly thought that’d be for her too, but instead her parents opted by keeping her close, under their reins. and for the first time in her life, she fought. 

while she would still get good grades and even get into a good college, a major was picked out of spite -- so unlady like, so out of the norm she always felt imposed on herself; days she left home early and arrived at dawn were not little, nor were the ones she got home filthy drunk. she was still quiet, but the softness that was in her seemed to have melted under the fire of her anger. often she tries to break out of this image she has received, from the way she started to dress herself more sloppily, less preppy, more tomboy-ish (and...tbh?? like herself??), to the people she started hanging around (and fucking lmao), to her interests & to how, after over a decade, she has given up ballet (which is lq something she...regrets?? bc she loved it too but,,, #problematicfave)

she only has a few courses left to get her degree, and she decided to finish it away from home. 792 mi makes a great difference, especially when she was truly alone, out of her parents’ suffocating clutches. or is she? the whole idea for the internship in buzzfeed was her father’s, wishing for her to completely ignore her passion and follow a career in some office. 

she picked the least serious one, again, out of spite, so when she got there she kinda...knew nothing about buzzfeed or of the trade and such? nor she had any interest, which she will now, almost six months later, still claim so but tbh...that’s debatable. she has always had some interest in food, in searching and trying out new stuff, and it shows not only on her searching browser but on how she has been working more with the tasty team, although she is not an official member or anything. if asked, she is just the one who suggests some recipes here and there

officially, she is still an intern and as such, she is there for every single problem: whatever it is, she often considers it below her, but does it diligently without any vocal complaint anyways. her most favorite parts of the work is IT work tbh -- if a computer doesn’t work, on the inside or some program or whatever

personality wise: quiet??? kinda brooding?? hq promiscuous and a bit of a drunkard, very into self destruction just because. she is the kinda person who is more in the corner, always quiet, often watching. there aren’t a lot of things that get a reaction out of her tbh. your average angsty sad fuckgirl young child who only wants to get drunk, fuck, sleep and do some coding (even though she is “forbidden” lmao @ parental power). she is also v fond of gaming (online games, such as league of legends the most), music (mostly classical and bubblegum pop) and cartoons (comic books & webtoons the most tbh) and uh ?? the color red??? she just loves tbh

what she needs??? love!!! self love, from others, to others,,,, poor girl,,,, truly, appreciate her and you’ll see her turn red and lq hq dying

also what she needs??? plots (give me a roommate pls) so hmu and forgive my late ass

[sowriteitalldown]

I’m telling you now, if you ever decide to look here, that we should talk because quite frankly i am fucking tired of hurting and wondering wtf went wrong. i need validation or assurance, you already know that. so let’s quit the bullshit and be real with me. idc if you wanna say shit to my face, i probably will too. it’s better to me at least to know how you truly feel even if it makes you look like a bitch or vice versa. hmu, even if it’s like a year from now. i’ll still want to know why.

or if not, well, just know that....

i will always have lots of love for you (i mean c’mon you will always be my first love) and i will never talk wrong of you even if i feel betrayed. maybe i should have been better to you if that’s what you wanted. but i also feel like i should have been a lot harsher with you because c’mon, i was always so soft on you. even now that you basically blocked me out of your life and constantly ignore me, i i can’t find myself having a negative image of you or hating you like you must feel about me now.

i just want you to realize that, that you can’t say I didn’t love or respect you in this friendship. that i loved more in this friendship more than you ever did or showed to me. it just felt like i always tried to repair this friendship whenever we were both rocky, and then the one time i didn’t look for you after an argument and i decided to act like we were cool, you completely gave up on me. you never even bothered to talk to me and give me a piece of your mind. you just gave up like i never meant anything. sure, i didn't give you the response you wanted but i apologized. i realized i took it far, i was looking out for you but i should have worded it nicer. however, i don't think it was fair of you to react like that when i decided to show you tough love the same way you'd showed me when i was so stupidly in love with jules and i would go back to her. i was just looking out for you in the same tough love way you did to me that eventually got to me, even if it took a while... i'm sorry if it didn't come across like that. but the damage was done, that much was clear when we stopped existing for each other. 

just come back even for a minute. i miss you like crazy. i love you like crazy. more than joseph, or tony. 

i hate to admit it, but it feels like a huge part of me was or is lost when you decided to leave. i need you more than you need me, i can see it, and much worse, i can feel it. you'll always have a piece of my heart that no one will ever have, and quite frankly, i don't think i'll ever get back... the same way you probably must feel or felt with g.h. 

everyone keeps telling me so many negative things about you, but i just stay quiet and wish in my head that you'll wake up one day and decided to look for me, and we will talk without any anger or hate in our mouths, and we'll just be chilling outside my house, talking like actual adults and not high school kids. i wish for that day since april, i think i'll always will. even if my wish comes true, i rather just talk it through even if we decide to not be friends anymore. i rather know the truth than not know, right, also we'll both have an understanding of our feelings and respect both our sentiments and decision. i am down for that, but are you? a part of me feels like you'll say no because after all i was your best friend for nearly a decade and i know you hold grudges forever and are bitter about things that really piss you off even after so long. it still amuses me, even if that means you'll continue to hate me for the rest of your life haha i love you for you so... whatever lol 

just come back, you can literally say to everyone i begged on my knees for you even tho its sort of true. i sound ridiculous for begging for you, it's just a foreign concept for me... to give up on you. i just never thought i would have to because you were enough for me from the start. i love you. if whatever happens, just remember, i did, i do, and I will love you. always and forever.

Edit: i gave up on you. The last paragraph doesn't mean shit to me anymore. Of course, I love you but I won't beg. There wasn't even a chance in the first place, I was just making silly delusions that you would comeback but you're pride is too big. I can now say I have this resentment against you. Now, I do feel hate. But what do you care, you probably won't ever talk to me ever again because you're a lousy grudge holder lol I'll always love you, like the quote, but you'll always be the biggest regret of my life and worst, my first love... even tho nothing ever happen between us lmfao pathetic. we had potential, woman! No, we didn't, we couldn't even maintain our friendship lmao i just think it's so sad now that if I ever see you somewhere, I'm going to have to act like I never knew you, a person I shared a friendship since I was fourteen. Eight years. How could you give up on that? I will never understand that. You gave up on me, but not him, a person who has hurt you and damage you in excruciating ways than I could I ever done. But I guess love blinds the eye. Or I could be wrong. You probably aren't even together and I'm over here hating lmfao How would I know if you never even told me shit after the breakup because you would always get butt hurt cuando te decia tus verdades lmfao bitch, I'm going to miss you. It was a good ride while it lasted. Even when I want to hate you, I'm still stupid with you, being a "dumbshit" like you would say lol good times. Good times. Gah, this one will forever hurt my heart. You got away just like Karla. Of course, not nearly as cynical as hers. But this one will continue to bleed for awhile. I'm still grieving I ain't gonna lie. I still want to talk, I still want to hear your perspective. Hopefully, in a nice tone. I'm sensitive af, bitch. But yeah, hopefully one day we'll sit down in hear what in the hell went wrong cause I honestly don't know lmfao

[astronoray]

Odd-numbered questions

I hate you, but I love you for actually asking me to do one of these things. I am not responsible for the things you might learn about me as a result! 

1. When did you lose your virginity? 18. 3. Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? Yes. 5. Favorite sex position? On my back, with my feet on their shoulders. 7. Have you ever had any one night stands? Yes. 9. Have you every had sex in a public place? Yes. 11. What does your favorite sexy underwear look like? It’s just a normal blue jockstrap...13. Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? Of course! Chris Evans, hmu. 15. Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? Performance anxiety.17. A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? idk19. Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? Who has sex while taking a bath? wtf21. Have you ever had a threesome? Yes. 23. Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? Who hasn’t?25. Is there anything you do after sex? Eat. 27. Early morning sex or late night sex? Late night.29. Favorite body part on the same sex? Abs. Always abs. Sometimes asses. 31. Weirest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: idk33. Is it ever okay to not use a condom? Yes, when you are permanently together in a relationship. Like married. 35. Worst possible time to get horny: while watching a movie with friends. 37. How much fapping is too much fapping: none. 39. Favorite foreplay activities: making out. 41. When was the first time you masturbated? Probably when I was 13 or 14. 43. Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? When I was 18. 45. Have/would you ever had a threesome? Yes. 47. Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? Yes, ‘cause I’m gay...49. How do you feel about tattoos on someone you’re interested in? Fine by me!51. Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? Yes, all of it. 53. Do you watch porn? Who doesn’t?55. Do you feel comfortable going commando? Yes!57. If you could give yourself head, would you? Probably...59. Have you every cheated on someone? Nope. Never been in a relationship.61. Have you ever watched someone masturbate? Yep.63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? Yep. 65. What is your bra/penis size? If you want to know that, you gotta come off anon. ;)67. When was the last time you masturbated? Sunday night.69. When was the last time you watched porn? Sunday night. 71. Circumsized? Yep. 73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? My dick? What is this question?75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on Tumblr? Yep. 77. Which wet dream was your favorite? I’ve never had one. 79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? Chris Evans, hmu!!!81. Do you like being called a slut or a whore in bed? Sometimes. 83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldn’t for any reason? Why? What?85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? Loud and quiet, respectively. 87. What kind of porn do you like to watch? Gay porn...89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? Yes. 91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? Yes and no.