#and i wish i could make life for the victims easier but i can't and i hate that too

[veryfrickingqueer]

okay so i gotta get this out and it’s unusul deep for my acc

so basically my school has this (by teachers unknown) unofficial gossip account on instagram which is run by a student

and in the last couple days, the topic was kinda style of the students and styling tips (not specific just these irrelevant “be confident” “look on pinterest for inspo” etc ones) and now there’s been a survey for worst syling choices seen which tbh i hate that one. partlly bc I’ve been personally affected, which generally isn’t my problem bc if i still would care about all negative things someone says about me I’d killed myself last year (and thankfully i stopped caring bout others opinions bc tbh 13 y/o me did and it was no happy time) and whatever. so basically my problems with this survey are that some of the answers are pretty fucking specific and some poor 13 y/o girly is going to see this and is maybe never going to wear her fave jeans again just bc some anonyme online dude said they look ugly. and that shit hurts my soul because i once was that kid. and i know how much that hurts especially if you don’t really have friends and are just generally a loner. and NO ONE would say “i think xy is ugly” irl to me. no one would have the courage to walk up to me and say “your earrings are unstylish”. this may sound arrogant but tbh I’m known for being loud and proud and opinionated. but the think is, some kid might have to hear that every day by their parents. that they don’t look good enough or don’t work hard enough or whatever. and then they read in some weird online survey on an insta acc that was made for infos bout teachers n school stuff that their clothing is ugly and unstylish. on top of getting criticised/insulted every day by someone else. and that hurts. that hurts so much bc like getting criticed n insulted every day by one person, that’s something you can get peace with but hearing the same words by some anonym stranger online? that could be the last drop.

and no matter what, hearing specific stuff insulted that you do too, even if it wasn’t directed at you but someone else, that still hurts, because after a certain amount, for some more, some less, you take everything against you and it feels so weird in backsight, that you were disgusted of your natural features or your clothes or whatever just because someone else said something

and I know, I fucking KNOW that everyone who said these specific things, they would NEVER ever walk up to someone and say that stuff in another persons face. 

and i know that this may sound weird and that someones gonna read this and say “well not all kids struggle” yes. not all. but enough. too many. and sadly, there will always be someone who struggles with their looks or their personality or their life and if you’re that person, I’m so sorry for you and I wish I could make you feel better

[starcurtain]

I wish everyone collectively understood aventurine’s character like you…things would be so much easier! I genuinely don’t understand how people keep getting his motivations wrong??? Could it be because some of the most popular Aven fanfics were written prior to his release? That could have contributed to some of the takes we tend to see about him…thoughts?

I struggled all day to come up with a concise way to answer this and couldn't think of one, so here, have a long-winded ramble:

I don't think early fic writers have much impact in the situation with Aventurine's character now, since most people can look at when a story was posted and go "Oh, this was before we had ____ information."

I think that Aventurine's problem is being a male character in a gacha game. Gacha game characters are designed to sell. Hoyo can sell female characters very, very easily. Give her huge tits and a visible underwear strap and you're good to go. I love all my guy friends, but I'm not gonna sugarcoat it: straight men are not the hardest audience to please. Hit a particular fetish (feet, spandex, dommy mommy), and you're gucci.

Nah, we all know why Jade's trailer is Like That.™

Male characters in gacha are harder to sell because women as consumers are a little harder to predict. Does every woman want a tall, ripped hunk? Shit, no, small cute boyish models like Aventurine are selling better now? Why?! Would a bad boy be more popular than a nice guy??? It's harder to account for women's tastes, especially because they are often (a little) less visually-oriented.

Hoyo is good at what they do though, and they've figured out that male characters sell very well when they possess at least one of two specific traits:

Endearing vulnerability/helplessness

Gay ship tease

Give a character both, like Aventurine? They might as well be printing money.

That sound you hear is Hoyo's stock prices rising.

So, from the very beginning, Hoyo is incentivized to create a character that appeals to people, a character people will want to crack their wallets open for. And they achieved this, first and foremost, by giving Aventurine traits that female players (in particular, but men too), find especially appealing: emotional and physical vulnerability.

We see Aventurine's pain. We sympathize with his grief. We identify with his struggle to make meaning of his difficult life. He's our woobie, blorbo, babygirl, whatever the hell they're calling it now.

He can't hide his suffering anymore. He's on the very edge. He's a dude in distress. He's surrounded by enemies! He misses his mama! He's been betrayed! No one understands him like you do, dear player!

The ultimate feeling evoked is: He needs to be saved.

When people talk about male power fantasies, I think they forget that women can experience them too, and "Emotionally vulnerable man that only I (or my favorite character) can fix" is actually a female power fantasy.

And from there it's really easy, right: the people who shell out cash to buy warps for their harmed-husbando feel like they've saved him; the people who are into mlm ships look for the nearest hot dude to be the savior Ratio was waiting for his time lol.

Morally and intellectually, this type of deep-down-golden-hearted, emotionally-wounded male character is very easy to digest. There is nothing to dislike about this type of character or role in the story: this character is a good guy who has just gone through so many terrible situations, whose victim status makes him endearing, and whose lack of agency means that any of the questionable or downright bad things he does are always the result of someone else forcing his hand, and never something he would have chosen himself.

His motivations are always clear and consistent: get free, heal, and live happily ever after.

Insert the Wreck-It Ralph meme: "Do people assume all your problems got solved when a big strong man showed up?" But to be fair, a big strong man did kind of solve Aventurine's problem, so--

Anyway, it's simple. It's straightforward. Morally, it's pretty cut and dry, black and white: Aventurine is our hero, which means everyone dictating the course of his miserable life is evil.

Hoyo is not remotely discouraging people from literally buying into this emotional appeal.

And trust me, I get it. I'll be the first to admit that hurt-comfort is its own entire genre in fandom because it is so appealing. People eat up Aventurine's tragic backstory like candy! The idea of watching a character go through hell at the hands of bad guys just to finally find a happy end is like the definition of everyone's favorite story.

In fact... people love Aventurine's suffering so much, they have invented whole new ways for him to suffer that aren't even in the game.

This is where we get all the headcanons that Aventurine was a sex slave, every single person he meets hates him because of his race, the Stonehearts are executioners holding knives to his throat, Jade enslaved him to the IPC with a lifelong contract, his material possessions belong to the company, the IPC is forcing him to take only the most dangerous missions where he is being required by his evil jailers to continually put his life on the line... You name it and I promise you, I can find a fanfic where Aventurine suffers from it. 😂

Bro can't even sleep in on his day off; life is so hard for this man.

Being serious: if the game is telling us that Aventurine is a victim... Why not make him the perfect victim?

Why not envision an Aventurine with no freedom, who bears no responsibility for any of the horrible situations he is in or any of the dubious things he does?

It's so natural to like that version of Aventurine, so appealing to see a totally powerless underdog use his own wits and charms to claw his way up to freedom. Or, if you're the kind who really relishes angst: It's even appealing to see Aventurine lose more. To delight in fics where he loses his wealth, where the IPC punishes him for past crimes while he's powerless to stop them... (I assure you, this is many people's cup of tea and the fanfics prove it!)

Ultimately, there's nothing wrong with liking characters who are exactly this straightforward! It's completely fine to embrace characters that are intentionally written to be morally above-board, whose primary role in the story is to generate angst by being a good person who suffers, or those characters who never show unlikable traits, bad decisions, or contradictory actions.

The problem is that that's just not who the game is telling us Aventurine is.

Hoyo may be capitalizing off people who love to envision poor Aventurine still living his life as a slave... But the game also needs to tell a complicated enough story overall to appeal to people who don't care about this specific husbando--Aventurine's role in the actual game's plot has to be interesting enough for almost everyone to appreciate it, not just Aventurine's simp squad. (Don't get mad, I'm in the simp squad with you.)

So his character doesn't stop at just being a pure-hearted victim who is still waiting to be saved.

Aventurine is not that easy to label, and I think the biggest struggle in this character's fandom right now is between people who prefer the even-more-angsty, still-a-slave Aventurine versus people who want a morally grey, self-destructive character instead.

To me personally, while I greatly understand the appeal of fanon!Aventurine and the joy of a really juicy angst fic where characters lose it all, I think that missing out on the depth that canon is suggesting would be a real loss on the fandom's part.

The character motivations that Aventurine shows in the game are complicated. They cancel each other out. They're basically self-harm! He makes almost every situation he's in worse for himself--on purpose.

He is a good person, but also a person who has done unspeakable things. He does have morals, but he's not above allowing those who don't have them to use him to their advantage.

He's both the victim and the victor. He's his own worst enemy. He's a lost little boy who's been making terrible decisions for himself since he was like eight years old, and a grown ass man who is barely managing to fake his way through an existence that destiny is not letting him quit.

This kind of character is a lot harder to embrace. He's done things that most people would find appalling--like willingly joining up with the organization that let his entire race be massacred. He's invented a whole new peacock persona to frivolously flaunt riches he doesn't even care about (Poison Dart Frog Self-Defense 101). He actively plays into racist stereotypes about his people to manipulate others through their preconceived expectations. He's made a mockery of his mother's and sister's hopes and dreams by endlessly trying to throw his own life away.

He has flaws! He bet everything he had on a ploy without doing his homework to find out if the people he was risking his life for were even still around. (Maybe he already knew, and couldn't bear to admit it, even to himself.) He's intentionally off-putting and obnoxious to everyone he meets (Poison Dart Frog Self-Defense 102). He terrifies everyone who gets close to him by (seemingly) carelessly throwing himself into the jaws of death without the slightest provocation.

He knowingly allows the IPC to exploit his power and talents for profit. Did everyone forget that his role in the Strategic Investment Department is asset liquidation?! Like, his actual day-to-day job is ruining people's lives. Canonically, Aventurine kills people when his deals go bad.

His motivations change off-screen in two lines of story text. We're told in one line that his biggest reason for joining the IPC was to make money to save the Avgin, then in the next line we find out that's impossible. And... then what? What motivations does he even have now? The whole point of his character arc from 2.0-2.1 is that he was on the edge of giving in to utter despair and nihilism because he couldn't even perceive a single reason to stay alive. He has no purpose in life before Penacony, and that didn't start with the Stonehearts at all??

People keep saying Aventurine was held in the IPC by golden handcuffs, but how do you tie down someone for whom profit is meaningless? What can you offer to a man whose only desire is to bring back something already lost forever? How do you imprison someone whose only definition of freedom is, canonically, death?

Working for the Stonehearts is obviously not healthy. But that's why Aventurine was doing it--because taking dangerous missions allowed him to put himself at risk. The job that he originally pursued hoping to save his people became a direct means to self-harm, and the IPC's only real role in that was just happily profiting off the results.

The journal entries for Aventurine's quests are there deliberately to tell the player what is on his mind, and none of it has to do with escaping from his job:

Like... Work is the least of this man's problems.

At really the risk of rambling on too long now, he's also just a massive walking contradiction:

Aventurine is among the most explicitly religious characters in the game, yet he's one of the only people in the entire game that we have ever seen actively question his people's aeon.

You might be tempted to think Aventurine's risky gambles with his life as an adult are a result of giving up after finding out about the Avgin massacre... Butttt no, Hoyo makes sure to tell us that even at knee-high in the Sigonian desert, Kakavasha was already willing to risk himself in a fight to the death against monsters because even back then he found his own life to have less value than a single memento.

He's the "chosen one" who will lead his people to prosperity... except they're all dead.

He's explicitly suicidal... andddd also a pathstrider of Preservation.

He wants to die... He doesn't want to die. He wants to make it end, yet goes to staggering lengths to continually survive. (Every plan risks his life on purpose--but every plan's win condition is also to live.) He life is the chip tossed down, but his hand is trembling beneath the table. When faced with an otherwise unsurvivable situation, Aventurine literally became a winner of the Hunger Games. He beat other innocent people to death with his own chain-bound hands just to come out alive.

He knows the IPC failed the Avgin and left them to die... and he still willingly sought out a position of power in their organization. Maybe he really is after revenge... but maybe not.

He starts his journey in the IPC with a truly noble goal in mind: to help his people using his newfound wealth and power. He's a good guy who did genuinely want to save the Avgin and repay all those who helped him. But once it became clear he was too late, once it was obvious he would have no use at all for that monetary wealth and power he risked his life to get... What did he do with it? Unlike Jade, we don't see him over here donating to orphanages. (I'm not that heartless; I'm sure he does actually do a lot of good things with his money on the side, but the point is that the game does not show us that--it shows us, over and over again, Aventurine putting on a wasteful, over-indulgent persona toward wealth. We've supposed to feel how meaningless money is to him, how meaningless everything is becoming to him.)

He outright refuses to use underhanded tactics or to cheat at gambles, which is meant to show us that's he's more morally upright than his coworkers. There's an entire exchange where he says that he'll never stoop to using manipulation the way Opal does. But... he doesn't have any issue fulfilling Opal's exact agenda. He was never remotely morally conflicted about denying the Penaconians their freedom by dragging Penacony back under IPC control.

He's willing to risk his own life, which is one thing--but he's also willing to risk other people's well-being. Topaz accuses him of constantly egging their clients on into dangerous situations; we've actively seen him shove a gun into Ratio's hands and pull the trigger with no care for how Ratio would feel about that on their very first meeting... Dragging the Astral Express crew into the entire Penacony plan in the first place was exceedingly dangerous...

To me, I just think it's vital to understand his character through the lens of these contradictions because they demonstrate the extreme polarity of Aventurine's life: from rags to riches, from powerless to empowered by multiple aeons, from willing to kill to survive to killing himself... He has quite literally lived a life of "all or nothing," and while he is the victim of many terrible situations out of his control, his arc as a character involves facing the truth of himself and the future his own actions are hurtling him toward.

Frankly, the Aventurine that canon is suggesting is a little annoying. You want to grab him by the shoulders, shake him, and say "Why are you like this?!" And he won't even have an answer for you, because he doesn't even know why he's still alive.

In the end, to me, this is so, so much more interesting. I can read an endless supply of hurt-comfort fics where Aventurine escapes the evil IPC and Ratio is there to fill the void in his life with the power of love and catcakes and be a perfectly happy clam online, but I want canon to continue to serve us this incredible mess of a man who constantly takes one step forward and two steps back.

Who is fully aware of his role as a cog in the grotesque profit-wheel of cosmic capitalism and still manages to say he never changed from the rags-wearing desert rat of the Sigonian wastes.

Who over and over again flirts with nihility but, ultimately, even if he has to wrest it from the grip of the gods themselves with bloody, chain-bound hands, chooses life.

[mrsniallhoran505]

Good Afternoon Callum Turner Girls!

Theme 123: I'm so fuckin late cause of life, so I'm gonna give you a little something extra!

"what did you say, love?" Callum slowly set his book down, his jaw clenching making the muscle twitch.

"I said, fuck you," you growled. You knew it wasn't gonna end well but you just had to keep pushing. You seemed to be in a very bitchy mood and unfortunately Callum was the only one around to witness it. He was now the victim of the attitude you usually fight hard to control.

Callum sighed heavily and placed a book mark on the page he was reading. He set the book beside him before getting up. He dusted his pants off before standing to his full height.

You opened your mouth to say something but before you could even form a word his hand was around your throat. He squeezed just enough to silence you. He pulled you closer making you go up on your knees on the couch.

"what did I say about telling me that? Hmm?" He looked you over, making a tsking sound like he was looking at a misbehaving child. "I know you struggle to listen, selective and all that, so I'll make it easier for you." He pulled you to your feet then forced you to knee in front of him.

"So scary." You gasped out since he hadn't loosened his hold on your throat.

He ignored the taunt and just undid the button on his jeans. He tugged the zipper down and reached in to pull his cock out. To your surprise, and a little bit of horror, he was hard. He moved his grip to the side of your jaw and squeezed painfully to force your mouth open.

"let's see if that mouth is good for something other than bitching." He said as he used his free hand to guide his cock between your parted lips. You thought about biting just to piss him off but he kept the painful hold on your jaw, keeping you from closing it.

He slowly starts to thrust his hips, pushing his cock deeper. You stared at him with hatred but even you can't deny you were enjoying this. Your jaw began to ache from his hold but he didn't care. You wanted it.

"look at you. A cock hungry brat." He chuckled and pushed his cock deeper till your eyes watered and you tried to pull off. "Ah ah, you're gonna take it. After all, you said fuck you, I'm just giving you the opportunity."

You gripped his wrist, looked up at him with fire in your eyes and forced yourself to take every inch of his cock. Your throat constricted in protest but you fought through it. Tears fell down your face, smearing the little bit of eyeliner and mascara you had on.

"good fuckin girl, right where you belong. On your knees, stuffed with my cock." He smacked your cheeks lightly earning a glare from you. When you tried to pull off he held you in place. Only letting you go when he knew you couldn't handle it anymore.

"look at the mess you made." He huffed before pulling you to your feet. "Such a spoiled bitch." He barks before pulling your shorts and panties off.

He quickly turned you around, pushed you on to your knees in the couch and pinned your upper half to the back. He stood between your legs to keep you from closing them.

"my cock's not the only wet mess you made." He laughs darkly and smacks your pussy, his hand coming away wet with your arousal. He licked his hand clean and smacked your ass with it, loving the sound of your yelp. He gripped your hair and rugged your head back making you curve your back.

"wanna say it again?" He asked.

"Fuck you!" You growled.

"As you wish." He pushed his cock in with one single thrust. A loud moan falling from his lips, feeling your tight heat wrapped around him. You screamed and tensed but he can feel the way you squeezed him, pulling him deeper.

He gripped your hip in one hand and wrapped your hair around his other. He waited till you relaxed then pulled out and pulled you back as he thrust forward. Your bodies smack together as he's buried in your pussy repeatedly.

You try so hard to hold in your moans not wanting to let him know you were enjoying it. It felt so good, making you clench around him trying to keep him from pulling out too far. But he just pushed you forward before pulling you back harder.

He leaned over you, forcing you head back as fast as it could go. "Look at you, turning such a pretty shade of red. Trying to hold out baby? Trying to hide how good I'm fucking this week cunt?" He chuckles like it was so adorable. "If only you could make your body lie for you as well." He kissed you roughly, nipping at your lip.

When he stood up straight he pulled out and flipped you over like you weighed nothing. Your legs were pressed to your chest and he pushed his cock back in.

"look how well your pussy takes my cock." He growls and grips your hair to make you look. You couldn't help but moan as you watched your body stretch to accommodate his thick size.

"fuck, Callum!" You cried and he made you look at him. Your legs falling around his waist when used your hair to pull you close.

"what was that?" He asked, his voice deep and rough with the strain of slowing his hips so you could talk.

You stared at him before finally giving in when your body ached for his brutal pace. "please, fuck, please Callum fuck me!" You begged and he smirked.

"there it is." He kisses you hungrily before letting you fall back and pinning your legs to your chest. "Hold them there, they fall I stop." He ordered.

You quickly grip your thighs tight. He presses his palm to your lower abdomen, his thumb working your clit in fast circles as he fucked you in fast and deep.

Your moans turn to gasps of air as your orgasm takes over. Your legs shaking, your cunt squeezing his cock as it pushes around him. He laughed as he kept fucking you. Your eyes roll back and your breathing stops, making you turn red the longer he goes.

Climax after climax ripped from your tense body till finally he pulls out leaving your feeling empty. Your pussy clenching around nothing as his cum dropped out of you.

He swipes his fingers through it and holds it to your lips. "Come back to me baby." He coaxes while sticking his fingers in your mouth to let you self soothe by sucking on them.

"there we go." He hums when you finally relax and look at him.

"cal?" You ask softly.

He lifts you up and sits on the couch to cradle you close.

"yes love?" He brushes your messy hair away from your face.

"I'm sorry." You say shyly.

"I know you are, baby. Just gotta fuck the attitude out of you from time to time."

GACTG! Tag List:

Sometimes tags work sometimes they don't!

If you want to be added to the tag list, send me a message!

@slowsweetlove @ilovemycrayons @devyn4203-blog @ab4eva @joniroxanne

[fatecantstopme]

If I Had to Choose...I'd Choose You

Pairing: Elliot Stabler x Reader

Summary: You meet Stabler when you join the SVU team. He's single, attractive, sweet...only problem is you work together, and you don't date at work.

Warnings: Mentions of rape, descriptions of violence and torture. Reader has scars described in detail. SMUT, oral (M and F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V).

A/N: Kathy doesn't exist in this fic.

"Hey everyone, gather 'round," Cragen called.

Detectives Stabler, Benson, Munch, and Tutuola circled around the Captain.

Cragen gestured to the new girl beside him: you. "Guys, this is Detective (Y/N) (Y/L/N). She's joining the squad."

You smiled at them. "I'm happy to be here and can't wait to get started."

Everyone introduced themselves and Cragen pointed to your new desk behind directly behind Detective Stabler. You threw your stuff down onto the desk and started to settle in.

Elliot Stabler sat on the edge of the desk and leaned in towards you. "So what brings you to SVU?"

"I wanted to make a difference. Homicide was starting to grate on me."

"Couldn't make a difference there?" he asked in surprise.

You shook your head. "Not the way I wanted to." You sighed. "It's a long story, but suffice it to say I'm happy to be here."

Elliot smiled. "We're happy to have you."

You returned his smile. "Thanks."

**********

Within 6 months you'd become an integral part of the team. Your experience working in Homicide and as a victim advocate made you an extremely valuable asset.

You'd also gotten to know the other members of your squad very well, especially Elliot. You couldn't help it, the two of you were drawn together.

Elliot flirted with you constantly and you flirted back, despite your better judgment. He'd asked you out a couple times, but you'd always said no. He never pushed you, but he didn't stop trying either.

You had one rule in the workplace...never get involved with a coworker. You'd made that mistake when you first got on the job and it very nearly ruined your life. You wouldn't do it again, even for a man as clearly incredible as Elliot Stabler. Plus, the events that led you to leave Homicide were still fresh in your mind and you weren't ready to open up about any of it.

"(Y/L/N)! We're hitting the bar, wanna come get a drink?" The man in question called to you.

You looked up from your paperwork, catching his deep blue gaze as he eyed you. "I don't know, El, I've got a lot of paperwork to get done."

He groaned. "We've all got a lot of paperwork to get done. It'll still be here in the morning."

He could tell you were unsure, so he turned up the puppy dog eyes as he begged, "C'mon, just one drink."

You sighed. "Fine, fine." You tossed your file to the side and grabbed your coat. "Let's go, kids."

Two hours and four drinks later, you and Elliot were still at the bar. Olivia and Munch had bowed out a half hour earlier and Fin was just paying his tab.

"I'll see you two in the morning. Don't stay up too late," Fin said with a teasing tone before leaving the bar.

"Just us," Elliot said with a grin.

"Didn't you say something about 'just one drink'?"

He grinned wider. "I didn't tell you to have three more."

You groaned. " I wish I could blame you. It'd be easier."

"So, you liking SVU so far?" Elliot asked, changing the subject.

You nodded. "It's rewarding work, as difficult as it is. Plus, I've got some pretty great coworkers."

"Damn straight. Couldn't get any better." He cleared his throat. "I, uhh--I'm really glad you came onboard."

You smiled. "Me too."

Elliot leaned closer and placed his hand on your arm. "I mean it, (Y/N/N)," he said softly.

You leaned into him, the liquor you'd imbibed lowering your inhibitions. "I know, El. So do I."

He slipped his arm around you and pulled you against his chest, his lips against your ear. "Go out with me, (Y/N)," he whispered.

Every fiber of your being was screaming for you to say yes, but there was a tiny voice in your head that reminded you of your rule...and what had happened to you a mere eight months prior. You pulled away from him and turned your body to face his. "El...I want to. I really do."

His face fell. "But?"

"But I can't."

"Why?" he whispered.

You sighed. You'd never given him a good reason...never really explained yourself. He deserved some sort of explanation, even if it wasn't quite accurate. "I don't date at work. I...well, I dated someone when I first joined the force. He was a detective." You paused. "It didn't end well--especially for me. He spread rumors and nearly ruined my reputation. I had to go to a different precinct." It was the truth, sure, but it wasn't the whole truth.

"I would never do that to you."

You offered him a small smile. "I don't think you would. You're a good man--I know you are...but, I can't risk it, Elliot. I just can't." I'm not ready.

He looked sad, but he nodded. "I understand," he said softly. "I can't say I like it, but I get it. However, I have no intention of giving up. You're amazing and I'm not walking away, not yet anyway."

You chuckled lightly and shook your head. "You're persistent, I'll give you that."

"Maybe someday you'll say yes."

"Perhaps," you consented.

He seemed content with your answer, and he waved over the bartender. "I'll cover her tab too."

"No, Elliot, you don't--"

"I've got it, doll. Please."

You sighed and let him pay for your drinks.

"Let me walk you home," he insisted.

"I can make it. It's only a couple blocks."

Elliot just stared at you like you were crazy. It was nighttime in Manhattan after all.

You laughed. "Alright, alright. Walk me home, Detective Stabler."

He smiled and held his arm out to you. "My lady?"

You slipped your arm through his and let him guide you to the door and out onto the sidewalk. You felt safe with him, safer than you'd ever felt with anyone else.

The walk to your apartment was quick and peaceful. Elliot chattered about nothing and you just listened to him, a small smile gracing your face.

He walked you all the way to the door of your apartment, just to make sure you got home safely. It warmed your heart. He kissed your cheek before wishing you a goodnight.

You closed the door behind him and leaned your back against the door. The thought that crossed your mind was enough to terrify you; "Dear God, I think I love him," you whispered aloud.

**********

It had been a year since you'd first joined SVU. Elliot had never given up asking you out, but it had been a couple months since he'd last asked. He still spoke to you in the same manner he'd always used: flirtatious, sweet, and funny as hell.

That thought you'd had six months ago was always lingering in the back of your mind and you knew without a shadow of a doubt it was 100% true. It scared the hell out of you and you didn't know how to handle it.

"(Y/L/N)! We've got a live one," Elliot called from across the squad room, interrupting your conversation with Munch. You looked up in Elliot's direction when he called to you.

"Let's go," he said again.

"Where's Olivia?" you asked.

"She's at an appointment. Cragen suggested I grab you."

You walked over to him. "Okay, what do we got?"

"Violent stranger rape in her own home. She's on the way to the hospital now."

"Shit. Let's go."

Three days later and you felt like you were spinning your wheels. Every single lead you'd had hadn't panned out. You had nothing to go on and you were starting to worry the case would go cold.

"We've gotta be missing something," Elliot said, voicing your thoughts aloud.

You ran your fingers through your hair. "We've been over the evidence a thousand times."

"That doesn't mean there's nothing there," he insisted.

"Maybe we just need some rest," Fin suggested.

"No!" you and Elliot yelled at the same time.

Fin threw his hands up and backed away from the two of you. You and Elliot had been there to see the after effects of the brutal crime...you'd been the one to take the victim's statement. No one understand the true horror of this crime like the two of you. You were both determined to find the man who did this before he struck again.

Just then, your desk phone rang. You grabbed it, answering it with a gruff "(Y/L/N)". Your face paled as you listened to the voice on the other end of the phone. "What?"

Elliot, Fin, Olivia, and Munch turned to look at you at the sound of shock in your voice.

"We're on our way." You hung up and stared at the phone for a moment before addressing the rest of the team. "He came back."

"Who came back where?" Olivia asked.

Your eyes locked onto Elliot's and his widened in surprised understanding. "The perp."

You nodded. "He's holding the victim hostage in the hospital basement."

"How the hell does that even happen?" Munch asked.

"Don't know, but let's go," you replied.

When you arrived at the hospital, you were met with the responding officers. They escorted you down to the basement where the rapist was holding your victim.

You left the officers at one entrance, and Munch and Fin were covering the other entrance to the basement to ensure he couldn't escape, leaving you, Elliot, and Olivia to make your way farther into the hostage situation.

You heard a woman's soft whimpering and you moved closer to the sound. "Colleen? Can you hear me? It's Detective (Y/L/N)," you called out.

"Don't come closer or I'll shoot her!" a man's voice yelled in response.

The three of you stopped walking. "Alright. What's your name?" you called back.

"Mac," he answered hesitantly.

You looked over at Elliot. There was no "Mac" on your suspect list.

"Okay, Mac. My name is (Y/N). Can I come closer so we can talk?"

"Are you alone?" he yelled.

"No. My partner is here with me." You subtly left Olivia out, hoping you could catch him off guard with a third person.

"Just you," he said.

You started to move closer to the sound of his voice, but Elliot grabbed your arm. His eyes pleaded with you to stay where you were, but you simply shook your head and shrugged him off. You weren't going to stand idly by while a woman was murdered.

You made it to the large doorway of the room and saw the victim, Colleen, standing directly in front of a man with a gun.

"Stop right there," he said.

Your own gun was pointing right at him, but you stopped in your tracks. "Alright. Just take it easy."

"You're pointing a gun at me. How can I 'take it easy'?"

"You're pointing a gun at her, so I suppose I could say the same to you," you pointed out.

He cocked the gun and pressed it directly against Colleen's skull. "Put yours down or I'll pull the trigger."

Your breath caught in your chest as you realized you had a decision to make. You could try to shoot him, but you had a very narrow window of space...and you might either miss him or shoot the victim. You decided you couldn't take that chance, so you began to lower your gun towards the ground.

"(Y/N), no!" you heard Elliot hiss from somewhere behind you.

You'd already made your decision, so you ignored his voice, and placed your gun on the ground before straightening back up. "You said your name was Mac?"

He nodded.

"Do you mind if I come a little closer, Mac? Just so we can talk more easily."

"You can take three steps towards me."

You moved in his direction, careful to stay within sight of the doorway. "You okay, Colleen?" you asked softly.

Colleen was shaking, terror plainly evident on her face. She started to respond, but Mac tightened his grip on her.

"Don't speak to her," he yelled. "You talk to me. Not her."

You held up your hands. "Okay, okay. What's your plan here, Mac?"

"I never wanted it to come to this. If she would have just left with me, none of this would have happened."

"You wanted Colleen to leave with you?"

"Yes. We could go anywhere," he said wistfully.

A clearer picture of the man standing before you began to emerge. "You care about her, don't you Mac?"

"Care about her?" he asked, almost looking hurt. "I love her. She's my soulmate."

Colleen whimpered as he spoke, tears pouring down her cheeks anew.

"She denied you," you stated.

"She refused to go with me. So I did what I had to do."

You swallowed thickly. "Mac...did you intend to hurt her?"

He looked at you angrily. "I wouldn't have had to if she wouldn't have fought me."

You did your best not to wince at his words. "If you love her, why would you hurt her now?"

"I don't want to. I just want to leave."

"Okay," you said gently. "Let her go and you can leave."

"No!" he yelled, his grip tightening on the gun and Colleen. "She comes with me or she dies."

"You don't really wanna hurt her, Mac. You love her. Maybe she just needs time to realize she loves you too." The words felt wrong coming out of your mouth, but you needed to say whatever you could to save Colleen.

"I know the truth now. She'll never love me." His finger slid to the trigger.

"Mac! Wait! Wait...if you pull that trigger you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

He looked over at you with a mixture of intrigue and surprise on his face. "Go on."

"You'll hate yourself for being the reason the person you love most in the world is gone. You'll never recover from it...the guilt will slowly eat you up inside until one day you decide to end it all just so you can join her."

He watched you carefully, as if he was studying you. "Are you speaking from experience, Detective?"

You hadn't been, but he didn't need to know that. "Yes. And I can promise you, you don't want to end up like me."

To your surprise, he tossed Colleen to the side like she was nothing more than a piece of garbage in his way and he took a menacing step towards you.

In that instant, you realized he'd been playing you the entire time, but it was much too late.

He smiled at you, a terrifying, wolfish expression that made your blood run cold. You turned to run, but he was faster than you. His arms wrapped around your waist and he yanked you back against his chest. You struggled with everything you had, only stopping when you felt the cold metal of the gun press against your head.

"Hello, Detective. It's such a pleasure to see you again," he whispered in your ear.

His voice had changed...deepened slightly, and an accent that had not been there before made itself apparent. The moment you heard him speak, you felt as if the world was crumbling around you.

"You," you whispered in shock and terror.

"(Y/N)!" Elliot yelled as he rushed in, mere seconds after he'd heard your struggle. His gun was pointed in your direction, a look of pure horror on his face as he took in the scene in front of him.

To your surprise, Olivia did not appear behind him, which meant there was a possibility you would get out of this alive. If she could find a way to circle around and come up from behind him...

"The famous Detective Stabler," Mac said, his voice heavily accented. "It's a pleasure to finally get to meet you."

Elliot looked confused. "How do you know who I am?"

"I've followed my lovely (Y/N)'s career quite closely," he said, caressing the side of your face with his free hand. You shied away from him, but there was no where for you to escape to.

Elliot's look of confusion deepened. For the first time, you found yourself wishing you'd been completely open and honest with him. If you'd told him about your past, maybe none of this would be happening.

"You know (Y/N)?" he asked.

"Oh yes, very very well. Some might even say I know her intimately."

You flinched at his choice of words, your body recoiling in place. Your reaction was not lost on Elliot, a look of realization crossing his features.

"Tell him, (Y/N). Tell him about us," Mac whispered in your ear.

Your eyes filled with unshed tears, but you didn't say a word.

Mac chuckled sinisterly. "Tell him how I touched your pretty little body. How I made you feel things no man ever could. Tell him how much you liked it."

The way he emphasized the word 'liked' almost made you hurl, but it also lit a fire inside of you that reminded you to fight. "How about I tell him how you broke into my apartment? How you tied me to my bed and raped me for hours? How you branded me as your property? How you made me want to die?" Your voice had risen to a yell and you were breathless when you finished speaking.

Elliot drew in a shaky breath, his anger threatening to boil over. He cocked his gun and took a step closer.

"Uh-uh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Mac said, pressing the gun against your skull so hard it was certain to leave a mark.

"How'd you know raping Colleen would get you to me?" you asked.

Mac laughed. "I didn't. She's the sixth woman I've raped in Manhattan since you went to Special Victims. I've been hoping you'd catch the case so we could see each other again. This is the first one that managed to make its way to your desk."

You closed your eyes, your breath catching in your chest at his words. "Why?" you whispered.

"Because you're the one who got away."

"You left me tied to my bed. I didn't 'get away'."

"I didn't mean literally," he said dismissively. "After I had you, no one else compared, no matter how hard I tried."

"So, what? You decided to rape a bunch of women in the hopes that she'd notice you?" Elliot sneered angrily.

"She did notice me," Mac said with a smile. "Even if she didn't realize it."

"What's your plan now, Mac?" Elliot asked.

"(Y/N) and I are going to leave and you're going to let us. I know you won't risk her life--I've seen the way you look at her. You're lucky I don't kill you for it."

"And if I don't wanna go?" you whispered.

His lips brushed against your ear as he spoke. "Then I'll kill him and force you to come with me."

"Not today, sweet cheeks," Olivia said from behind you. Her gun was pressed against the back of Mac's head, causing his body to grow stiff with tension. "Now, why don't you be a good boy and let her go?"

After a few tense moments, Mac's hold on you loosened and he let you out of his grip. You immediately pulled away from him and moved in Elliot's direction.

"(Y/N), no!" Elliot yelled at you. You heard two weapons fire almost simultaneously and you dropped to your knees.

Elliot was in front of you in seconds. "Are you okay? (Y/N/N)?"

His eyes searched your face, the fear in them nearly breaking you down. You collapsed into his arms and he pulled you as closely as he could. "You're okay. You're safe," he whispered. "I've got you."

You turned your head just enough to look behind you towards where Mac had been standing. His body was on the floor, blood seeping from his wounds. You knew he was dead without having to go check for a pulse.

Olivia had called for the rest of the team and for a gurney for Colleen. You turned to look at the other woman. She seemed to be okay physically, but the mental and emotional trauma she'd just endured would likely be with her for the rest of her life.

Munch and Fin made it to you before the other officers did.

"What the hell happened?" Fin asked as he took in the scene.

Elliot looked up at him from his place on the floor. "Perp tried to kill (Y/N). Olivia and I both shot him."

The other detectives knew there was more to the story, but this wasn't the time to ask about it. For now, their focus was on getting everyone the hell out of the basement.

Elliot insisted you be seen by a doctor before you left, despite your many arguments. He stayed by your side until the doctor had looked you over and given you a clean bill of health.

You made Elliot take you to see Colleen before you went home. You wanted to make sure she was okay. She thanked you for saving her life and she squeezed your hand in that knowing way that other survivors always did.

You wanted to go back to work, but Elliot insisted you go home. You started to argue, but Cragen ordered you to take the rest of the day off at a minimum and he told Elliot to take you home.

The drive to your apartment was silent--neither one of you knew what to say. The events of the day had unfolded in a completely unforeseen manner and you knew it would have lasting effects on you both.

When you reached your apartment, Elliot parked the car and walked you to your door. You thanked him for taking you home, then lapsed into an awkward silence. Neither of you seemed to know what to say...or maybe you were too scared to say it.

"I thought I was going to lose you," Elliot whispered, breaking the silence.

Your breath caught in your chest and you found yourself unable to respond.

"When I saw him holding that gun to your head..." he trailed off. "And then when he let you go? I watched him turn the gun in your direction and--" he cleared his throat. "All I could think was that I was going to watch you die."

"You saved me," you whispered.

His eyes met yours. "Olivia's the one that shot him in the head."

"Before that."

He cocked his head slightly and his brow furrowed in confusion.

"You gave me the strength I needed to fight...and that saved me long before you put a bullet in him."

He wanted to reach out and touch you, but he was worried it would be unwelcome. "I'm sorry for what he did to you," he said gently.

Your eyes fluttered closed for a moment. "It's not your fault, but I appreciate it."

"Can I ask--why didn't you tell me?"

You could hear the hurt in his voice and it nearly broke your heart. "It was a time in my life I'd rather forget. I've never told anyone outside of the detectives that worked the case. I didn't want to share it with anyone...it was nice to be somewhere where no one knew what happened."

"Is that why you really left Homicide?"

You nodded.

"Where did it happen?"

"Brooklyn."

He ran his hand over his face. "I'm sorry, (Y/N)."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"You don't need to apologize for that. I would never force you to share things with me, especially something like that."

Instead of responding, you stepped towards him, wrapped your arms around him, and leaned into his chest for a hug. He wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly, almost as if he was terrified to let go. He kissed the top of your head and you cried softly into his chest.

There was so much more you wanted to explain, so much more you wanted to tell him, but you couldn't seem to find the words. You just wanted to curl up in his arms and shut out the world...but you knew you couldn't do that either.

After several minutes, you pulled away, wiping your face in embarrassment. You noticed the wet spot on his shirt and you blushed. "Sorry," you whispered.

He looked down at his shirt and shrugged. "I'm not. You're always welcome to use my shirt to dry your tears."

The way he said it made you laugh lightly, a sound that was like music to his ears. He smiled at you warmly and you met him with a softer smile.

You could tell he wanted to say something--something that was probably important--but he seemed to think better of it. "Are you gonna be okay by yourself?"

"Yeah...I'll be alright."

He nodded. "Okay. Call me if you need anything--I'll come running."

You gave him a sad smile. "I know you will."

He squeezed your hand and slowly backed away down the hall towards the elevators. He clearly didn't want to leave you and you wanted him to stay more than anything--but you knew if he did, it would change your relationship forever.

Your hand rested on the doorknob, but you couldn't get yourself to turn it and go into the apartment. You watched him as he slowly turned his back to you and walked down the hall.

For the next five seconds, you stood frozen in place. You let the events of the day wash over you and you found yourself suddenly filled with the realization that you didn't want to live without him. Somehow in the past year, he had become your best friend, your rock, your hope, and so much more. If you let him leave now, you'd regret it for the rest of your life.

Before you knew what you were doing, you took off running down the hallway.

Elliot heard your footsteps and turned around. Surprise lit up his face as he watched you racing in his direction.

Without a second thought, you launched yourself into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist and burying your head into his neck. He held you tightly, strong arms keeping you from hitting the ground.

"Stay," you whispered against his skin.

"Look at me," he murmured.

You looked at him, tears filling your bright eyes.

"Say it again."

"Stay," you whispered with a little more force than before.

His eyes flickered from your eyes to your lips and back up to your eyes. You knew what he was silently asking and you didn't want to say no. You crashed your lips against his, the action so clearly filled with emotion.

He kissed you back with equal intensity, one of his hands sliding up your back to cup the nape of your neck. He made his way back to your apartment door, swung it open, and kicked it closed without ever separating his lips from yours.

He pressed your back up against the door as he continued to kiss you so he could lock the door. As badly as he wanted this--wanted you--safety was still on the forefront of his mind.

"Bedroom?" he asked against your neck.

"First door on the left," you answered breathlessly.

He carried you to your room and tossed you onto the bed rather gracefully. You used your elbows to lift your upper body as you watched him slowly begin to undress before you.

He unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall to the ground. He quickly rid himself of his undershirt, giving you an unobstructed view of his muscled form. You made a small sound somewhere between a groan and a moan, causing him to smirk knowingly.

"See something you like?" he teased.

"I see a whole lot that I like." You beckoned him towards you and he complied after kicking off his shoes.

He hovered over your body, caging you beneath his much larger form. "You're so beautiful," he murmured.

You felt your cheeks heat up, unused to such sweet words from men. Thankfully, he didn't expect a response from you; he simply wanted you to know. His lips brushed against yours in a soft kiss and your hands tentatively made their way to his back, feeling the warm skin beneath your palms.

Elliot's own hands began a gentle caress down the curves of your body, his lips trailing behind. He began to unbutton your shirt, then slid his hands across your stomach, coming to rest on your hips.

The moment his right hand touched your hip, you instinctively flinched away from him. He stopped what he was doing and looked up at you. Your eyes were far away and a look of discomfort clouded your face.

He pulled away from you, not wanting to do anything you weren't comfortable with. "I'm sorry," he said gently. "We can stop."

You shook your head, clearing your thoughts along with the distant look in your eyes. You focused on the man in front of you and took a deep breath. "I want this, Elliot. I really do..." you paused. "But there's something you need to know first."

He nodded, but remained silent, waiting for you to speak.

You bit your lip and looked down at the duvet cover on your bed, his gaze too intense for you in the moment. "It was a little over a year and a half ago," you began. "I was living in Brooklyn, working Homicide...I was happy."

"It was Spring," you continued. "The night breeze was cool and comforting. It brought the promise of new life..." you trailed off for a moment. "My apartment was on the third floor. It was warm, so I opened the window...I forgot to close it before I fell asleep."

You exhaled heavily before continuing, "He came into my room around midnight. I woke up with him on top of me, his hand covering my mouth, my arms tied to the headboard above my head. He was wearing a mask...I never saw his face. He put a gag into my mouth and tore my pajamas from my body."

You had to stop for a moment. The images from that night flashed through your mind, rendering you silent.

"You don't have to tell me," Elliot whispered kindly.

"I want to--I need to," you insisted. You took another deep breath. "He raped me for hours. He used a knife to cut me and he'd hit me when I struggled. Eventually, I was too weak to fight back...and I just took it. Just before he left, he used my stove to heat a metal brand...a brand he burned into the skin just above my left hip."

With shaking hands, you pulled your shirt to the side and tugged your pants down just enough so the brand was visible. "It says 'Property of MST'," you said softly.

Elliot's eyes were brimming with tears. He wanted to kill anyone who had ever hurt you...starting with this son of a bitch. Lucky for him, the man who did this to you was already dead.

"I never knew what it meant--what 'MST' stood for. Brooklyn SVU didn't have many leads and they never had a solid suspect. Since I never saw his face, I wasn't much use either." You shuddered slightly. "But I remember his voice. It lives in my nightmares and the darkest corners of my mind. I'll never forget the sound of his voice."

For the first time since you'd started, Elliot made a comment. "His voice--it changed after he grabbed you."

You nodded. "The moment I heard it, I knew who he was--but my surprise gave him the advantage and nearly cost me my life."

Elliot reached out and took your hand. You finally looked up at him and found yourself overcome with emotions.

As if he sensed it, Elliot pulled you towards him. "Come here, sweetheart. Let me hold you."

You curled up against his chest, feeling safe in his warm embrace.

"Thank you for telling me," he said softly.

"Thank you for letting me."

He kissed the top of your head. "I won't let anyone else hurt you. Never again."

You sighed. "You can't promise me that."

"Maybe not, but I'll die trying."

You pulled away from him so you could look up at his face. He looked so fiercely protective you had no doubt he would do anything for you.

You touched his face gently before pulling him towards you for a kiss. What started out as a sweet kiss quickly turned to passion.

Elliot crawled back on top of you as you began to lay back against the mattress, his lips locked onto yours. He wanted to be gentle with you, make sure you were comfortable every step of the way--make you feel safe and loved.

"Can I touch you?" he whispered.

"Please," you begged softly, your own hands coming to rest on his chest.

He didn't need to be told twice. His hands went around your waist and pulled you towards him, giving you just enough room to get your shirt off. He made quick work of your bra, tossing it to the side of the bed.

He saw the scars that littered your chest and they broke his heart. How someone could hurt you was beyond him, and he was determined to make you feel beautiful.

His lips pressed against each and every scar that he could see, along with the soft skin of your breasts and your pert nipples, eliciting soft moans of pleasure from your lips.

Elliot was the first man you'd been with since the rape and you couldn't be more glad that you waited. He was so gentle, so affectionate, so loving--so accepting.

Your hands grasped his belt buckle and you quickly tugged it loose. You unbuttoned his pants, but you were too slow for Elliot's taste. He pulled away from you just long enough to shed his pants before he was right back on top of you, lips grazing the flesh of your stomach.

When he reached the top of your pants, he looked up at you for permission. "Can I take these off?"

You nodded and lifted your hips up to assist him. As he pulled your jeans down your legs, you found yourself feeling nervous. This would be the first time anyone had seen your legs, other than your doctor, since the attack. They were riddled with scars, especially your thighs.

Elliot's heart nearly broke in half when he saw the extent of the scarring on your legs. He found himself wanting to kill the monster who did this to you yet again, but he took solace in the fact that he could never hurt you again.

He looked up at you, blue eyes filled with emotion. "You're perfect, (Y/N)," he whispered. "Absolutely perfect."

You would have argued with anyone else who said those words about you, but there was something so incredibly sincere in the way he said it that you found yourself believing him.

"Elliot, please touch me," you begged softly.

"Anything for you, baby. Anything for you."

He dipped his head down and pressed a soft kiss on the burned flesh of your upper hip where the brand marred the skin. The sweet, gentle action sent shivers up your spine and a soft sigh left your lips.

Elliot smiled against your skin as he moved downward, focusing his attention on your thighs. He kissed every inch of your skin on your left leg before moving to the right. By the time he reached your core, you were practically panting with need.

His lips grazed your mound, providing no relief to the throbbing between your legs. You lifted your hips towards his face, seeking some form of friction, but he pulled just out of reach. You let out a little frustrated groan, earning a deep chuckle from him.

"Patience, doll. I'm trying to take my time here. It's difficult enough without you taunting me with your pretty little body and those sweet noises you make."

"I've waited for so long, Elliot," you whimpered. "I just want you so badly."

He was very tempted to give in, after all, he'd been waiting even longer than you had. He'd wanted you from the moment you'd walked into the squad room a year before.

"I know, baby," he said softly as he massaged your thighs. "But if I can wait for an entire year to touch you, you can wait a few more minutes, can't you?"

You let out a grumbling sound, followed by a sigh. "I suppose that's fair," you mumbled.

He laughed lightly. Now that he'd gotten you to agree to be patient, he decided he didn't wanna wait. Without another word, he lowered his head, settled comfortably between your legs, and dove directly into your pussy with a satisfied moan.

You gasped at the pleasurable sensation and immediately reached for his hair. There wasn't much for you to grab onto, but that didn't stop you from raking your nails against his scalp.

He groaned against your pussy and pushed his face even closer while pulling your hips towards him. He was clearly enjoying the sensations you gave him, as well as the activity he was currently engaged in.

While Elliot may have been enjoying himself immensely, nothing came close to the level of pleasure you were experiencing. His lips, his tongue--his mouth--it all felt so incredible. He was quite clearly experienced and he wasn't holding back.

"Elliot," you gasped, fingers desperately trying to find purchase against the skin of his arms and shoulders. "Please--I need--" you couldn't finish your thought, but he seemed to know exactly what you needed.

He slipped two fingers into your dripping hole and began to stroke your g-spot, while continuing his delicious assault on your clit. The sounds you made were music to his ears and he started to imagine what you'd sound like when you came apart on his mouth. He needed to hear it so badly--needed to feel you clenching around him, moaning his name, gasping for breath...

He didn't have to wait long. Within minutes, you were coming apart beneath him, his name repeated like a prayer from your lips. Your hips bucked up against his face, but he held on tightly, continuing to feast on your release.

Your body quickly became overstimulated and you begged him to stop--it was just too much. He decided to have mercy on you and he came up for air with a triumphant grin on his face. His mouth and chin were shining with your juices, but you couldn't find it in yourself to be embarrassed. Not when it felt so good; not when he looked so damn proud about it.

"Com'ere handsome," you murmured softly as you reached for him.

He happily crawled up your body, placing kisses to your skin as he moved. When he reached your face, he hovered over you, eyes scanning your face--as if he was memorizing it.

You pulled him down to you and kissed him passionately. The taste of yourself on his lips was foreign, but it felt so right.

His hard length brushed up against your thigh and you were reminded he was still wearing his underwear. You offered him a little friction with the movement of your pelvis against his, eliciting a groan from deep in his throat.

You pulled his head back down to you, kissing along his jawline until you reached his ear. "Lose the underwear, babe," you whispered.

You were quite certain you'd never seen anyone move so fast in your life. You blinked and he was back on top of you, hard cock demanding attention, precum beading at the tip.

You hooked your leg around his waist and flipped him onto his back before he knew what was happening.

He chuckled lightly as he landed on his back beneath you. "Who said you could be in charge?" he teased.

You batted your eyelashes at him and smiled. "You're still in charge, baby. I'm just on top."

He had to admit, the sight of you hovering above him, looking like a goddess, was an incredible image. One he hoped would live in his memory forever.

"May I taste you?" you asked in a soft, seductive voice.

Elliot's eyes widened and he nodded slowly. He watched as you positioned yourself so your mouth was directly above his erect cock. He thought this was another image he would like to add to his collection, but when your mouth wrapped around him, every thought he'd ever had was gone in an instant.

Every movement of your tongue, your mouth, your hands, had him moaning and breathing heavily. He tangled his fingers in your hair and pulled it to the side so he could see your pretty face.

You flicked your eyes up to meet his, never ceasing your movements. His moan was loud enough to wake the neighbors--the eye contact almost making him come.

He began muttering words of encouragement, a mixture of "that's it baby" and "fuck, doll, you're doing so good". Each phrase he uttered became a little more breathless as he neared his release.

Your jaw had begun to ache, but you didn't care. You wanted to taste him, wanted to feel his hot cum shoot down your throat. You moaned around his cock at the thought, sending pleasing vibrations through his body.

"Shit--" he gasped. "I'm gonna--fuck, baby--gonna cum."

You moaned again in encouragement and flicked your eyes back up to his face. You wanted to watch him as he orgasmed.

A moment after you looked up at him, he looked down at you--making eye contact. His eyes seemed to roll into the back of his head and he leaned his head back as he came with a cry of your name.

You lowered yourself so you were taking his cock completely into your mouth and throat, allowing his seed to spill down your throat. His grip on your hair had tightened to an almost painful level, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care.

You helped him ride out his high and his grip on you lessened as he began to come down. After a few moments, his body shivered with aftershocks and he gave you a gentle tug.

"Sensitive," he gasped.

You sat up and offered him a smirk. "So how did I do?"

He laughed breathily. "Come here you delicious creature," he mumbled as he reached for you.

You settled into the crook of his arm, laying your head on his chest. He leaned forward just enough so he could kiss the top of your head.

"Best I've ever had," he whispered.

You looked up at him in surprise and disbelief, but everything about his expression told you he was serious. You blushed as you murmured a quiet "Thank you."

You settled back against his chest and he let you lay there for a few moments before rolling over and caging you beneath him. "My turn," he teased before leaning down to kiss you.

You giggled and pulled him closer, lips chasing after his hungrily. Within moments, his cock had hardened and he was ready to go another round.

You were slightly surprised when you felt his erection brush against your core--most men you'd been with were one and done kind of people.

Elliot must have seen the surprise on your face, because he said, "I can't let my girl have just one orgasm."

Your eyes widened and he laughed lightly.

"What?" he asked.

"It's just...well--I've never had more than one before," you answered honestly.

Now it was his turn to look surprised. "Never?"

You shook your head.

"It's my mission to give you at least two, preferably three or more."

"Three?" you asked incredulously. "Or more?"

He grinned. "All I need from you is permission to try."

"You absolutely have my permission," you said quickly.

You went back to kissing each other and running your hands over each other's bodies. It didn't take long for you to both be too worked up to wait any longer.

"Shit--" he mumbled. "Condom's in my wallet."

"I'm on the pill," you said breathlessly.

His eyes scanned your face for the slightest hint of discomfort, but all he saw was raw desire. "Are you sure?" he whispered.

You nodded. "Very," you breathed out. "I wanna feel you."

How could he say no to that? He groaned softly and pressed his cock up against your entrance.

Much to your surprise, you weren't nervous at all. In fact, you were excited and desperate. His cock was large--larger than you were accustomed to--and you hadn't experienced penetrative sex in over a year. But dear god, you were ready.

"Elliot, I need you," you whispered.

That was all he needed to hear. He pressed his cock up against your entrance again, but this time he kept going until he was fully sheathed inside of you.

Once he bottomed out, the two of you let out soft moans and you clung to his arms for support. He gave you a few moments to adjust before beginning to thrust.

As soon as he started to move, you understood what your friends had told you for years. They would talk about how amazing sex was--how skilled and incredible their partner was--how their partner cared about their pleasure more than his own. All of a sudden, for the first time in your life, you knew what they meant. This was what sex was supposed to be like. This was what having a loving partner felt like.

"(Y/N)," he whispered against your skin as he thrust into you. "Tell me what you need."

You weren't sure what you needed--this kind of sex was new territory for you. "I'm...I'm not sure. Just--try different things and I'll tell you."

Your enjoyment was all that mattered to him. You could have asked him to do almost anything and he would have. He was a little surprised you didn't quite know what you liked, but he was determined to find out.

Elliot shifted his position so your hips were elevated slightly and he pulled your legs up to rest against his chest. He had a feeling you would like this particular position and boy was he right.

The new angle allowed him to hit your g-spot with each thrust. You moaned loudly and grabbed the sheets as you writhed beneath him. It felt so good you could barely formulate words, let alone a coherent sentence.

"Please," you whimpered.

"Please, what, baby?"

"More," you gasped.

He smirked slightly as his hand slid between your bodies in search of your clit. When his fingers brushed against you, you let out a squeal of delight.

Elliot focused all his attention on getting a second orgasm from you. His hips never faltered and his fingers worked their magic on your clit.

You fell apart within moments, strangled cries of his name and obscenities pouring from your lips.

He continued to thrust through your orgasm and he slowly let your legs come back down around his waist. Your body shuddered beneath his and he head you tight as he moved slowly.

"You okay, sweet girl?" he whispered as he kissed your face.

"More...than...okay," you said between breaths.

"Good," he murmured. "Think you can give me one more?"

Your eyes widened. "There's--there's no way, El."

He chuckled. "Well, we'll see."

He sat back up and pulled your hips down so you were flush against him, then he twisted them so you were on your side. He pulled your left leg up against him and proceeded to thrust into you with renewed vigor.

You were surprised by the incredible feelings washing over you--you'd never felt such immense pleasure in your life. Every time Elliot switched positions, he gauged your reaction and took mental note of the ones that had you moaning the loudest and writhing against him.

He finally flipped you onto your stomach and continued fucking you from behind. Within seconds, you determined you'd found your favorite position. You could barely breathe--the pleasure was so overwhelming.

Elliot noticed too. He held your hips tightly as he thrust, desperately trying to control his own impending orgasm. He knew he was going to get a third one from you in this position, so he kept up his movements.

You were muffling your screams into the pillow and your legs had begun to shake. You couldn't explain this sensation even if your life depended on it. It was a pleasure you'd never before experienced and it threatened to drown you.

Your third orgasm slammed into you without much warning and your pussy spasmed around his cock as you came. He could barely hold back, but he wanted to see your face when he finally came.

You were beyond spent, so he gently flipped you over and slid back inside of you. He was close to his own high and he couldn't wait much longer.

"I'm close, doll--just wanna see your face," he mumbled.

You touched his cheek, pulling his face down to yours for a kiss. When your lips separated, you whispered, "Come inside me."

"You sure?" he asked tentatively.

"Please. Wanna feel you fill me up."

He groaned loudly--your words having a larger effect on him than he expected. After a few more thrusts, his hips began to stutter and his thrusts became uneven.

He gasped and grunted and moaned your name as he came, filling you up with his seed. Once he was spent, he collapsed on top of you, completely unable to move.

You wrapped your arms around him lazily, enjoying the feeling of his weight on top of you.

"Hurting you?" he mumbled.

"I like it," you whispered back.

The two of you laid like that for several moments before Elliot finally regained the strength to roll off of you. You let out a sound of disappointment at the loss of contact, but he very quickly pulled you against his chest as he laid down behind you.

You were both quite warm, but there was something so wonderfully comforting about his arms that you couldn't force yourself to pull away.

After several minutes of comfortable silence, Elliot finally spoke. "We should probably shower."

"Mhmm," you hummed in agreement.

He chuckled lightly. "How 'bout I get the shower started? Make sure it's nice and hot before I come get you."

"Mhmm," you hummed again.

He smiled and shook his head as he placed a kiss to your head. He dragged himself out of the bed and headed to the bathroom to start the shower.

After a few minutes, Elliot came back out to get you. You giggled as he scooped you up in his arms and carried you to the bathroom. He was so gentle as he helped you wash your body, his lips dancing across your wet skin as the suds washed off.

After the shower, he dried you off and escorted you back to your bed. You curled up under the covers and let out a soft, contented sigh.

You looked up at Elliot as he tugged his boxers back on. You felt a pang of worry, which must have shown on your face because Elliot spoke in a concerned tone. "Sweetheart? You okay?"

You nodded. "Do you wanna--I mean, would you--could--?"

"I'd love to stay," he said quietly, answering the question you couldn't quite get out.

The tension eased from your body and you sighed in relief. You threw the covers back and he crawled in beside you. He dragged you to him, tugging you against his chest. He kissed your forehead as you nuzzled into him.

You'd never felt quite as safe as you felt in his arms. You couldn't have even imagined feeling so comfortable with another person, let alone a man--not after all you'd been through.

That safety--that comfort--allowed you to fall asleep within minutes of curling up with Elliot.

Elliot, on the other hand, couldn't quite fall asleep yet. He was just so damn happy...he didn't want to spend another moment without you. You made life worth living, even through all the darkness you both experienced at work. But he couldn't say the words he felt in his heart--at least not yet.

Soon, he thought as his eyelids grew heavy. Soon.

[bobbydagen24]

in Defence of Creek ( warning if your an Avid Creek Hater you may not want to read this 😂😂 )

ps. Branch will Hair strangle some guy he Barely knew who he didn't even care about for betraying them but doesn't do the same to his Jerkass Brothers who let him down his whole life 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️.

anyway onto the topic at hand 😂😂😂😂

Creek gets an unfair Rap in my opinion sure he technically betrayed the village but when you examine the story of the first film he literally had no other choice.

as there's no other scenario that didn't end with him being Horribly Eaten as soon as he was picked by Chef for Gristle Jr to eat and taken out of the cage his fate was sealed.

unlike the rest of the snack pack he didn't have the option of sitting around waiting on the off chance Poppy would Rescue them.

we see in the Betrayal scene he was literally in Gristle's mouth before he finally played the only card he could and said he'd do what ever they wanted him to do.

and from then on he was kept in Gristle's locket around his neck which I have to say was Horrible poor guy was stuffed in their with no space or light or even air given how tight it was.

and he was kept there until eventually being moved out of the locket and put into Chef's waist bag just before the snack pack got the Locket from Gristle and were then captured by Chef.

and from that point like Creek himself said there was literally nothing else he could do that wouldn't result in him being killed straight away by Chef.

this is what rubs me the wrong way about the movie trying to make him into a villain he has no real agency in the betrayal it'd be a little easier for me to Judge him.

if he was kept in the cage with the Rest of the Snack Pack so he had the option of just having faith in Poppy someone he claimed to care about.

coming to save them but instead he took the more cowardly action and offered to sell everyone out early on in order to save himself then I feel it'd work a little better.

but having him be plucked from the cage early on and literally only betray everyone when he was on the verge of being eaten just makes him a victim in my eyes.

like I'm sorry but he can't be blamed too much for anything he does at that point he's just a normal civilian who's life was put in danger by negligent leaders ( cough Peppy cough ).

he technically wasn't obligated to die then and there and the whole situation with him selling out the Village is a classic Trolley Problem sure its easy to Judge.

from the outside but when we're on the verge of being gruesomely murdered who's to say what each of us would do in the moment to stay alive.

basically its Chef's actions and she's the one to blame not Creek dude was a literal Hostage who had been kidnaped Humiliated by being shoved in a taco and sprinkled with spicy stuff.

and then nearly eaten and then crammed into a tiny locket for presumably Hours and then crammed into a waist bag like how is this guy not the victim here?

and some people do like to point to how he behaved about the whole thing telling Poppy he's doing it for her but I'm sorry that doesn't change anything in my eyes.

sure its an unusual reaction but its also an unusual situation and I see it more as him weakly attempting to justify it to himself since he does admit he wishes there was another way but is promptly reminded by Chef that there isn't.

his Reaction isn't Great but it doesn't change the situation and make him some pure evil person.

a little autistic maybe? given the weird response to an emotional situation he has but yeah it doesn't make him worse in my eyes.

basically to end things the film as well as the fandom that villainise him seem to basically be saying that he should have just laid down and accepted his gruesome fate the first time.

and the movie even ends on a cruel irony of still being eaten along with Chef.

which for Chef is ironic in a karmic way but for Creek its just kinda sad tbh so the film's saying his death was decided at the start and he's a villain for not accepting it the first time.

and as punishment he meets the same fate in the end anyway.

I thought this was a Trolls film not a Final Destination film lol.

anyway even tho its separate cannon I was Happy when he was Revealed to still be alive in TBGO sure I feel his Return could have been written way better.

but Regardless I'm Glad he's still alive he didn't deserve to die and also the movie cannon never contradicts the tv show cannon in Terms of Creek's survival.

so yeah he could very well still be alive in the movies as well sorry Haters 😅😅😅😅.

[youhavelessproof]

mob Dickie Jaydick AU anyone?

mob Dick is a thing we've seen in canon before and it will not leave my mind so y'all get to deal with ramblings about it. :) (Crutches and also a timeline where he never met Bruce.)

brainstormed this in the bottom Dick server, but here's me trying to summarize it.

general premise: no capes AU where once Dick escaped juvie he went and killed Zucco. (not quickly, he was 8, but he's a smart kid,) and then decided well police are useless, so I'll just help people myself. (very similar to how be became Robin, but like. more real world vigilante justice which is more morally questionable than fictional vigilantes.) Dick is a part of a mob at any given time because it makes doing what he was already going to do easier. which mob changes because he's not really part of the mob to be part of the mob and it's more a access to resources thing. Dick is allowed not wear a face mask/helmet because no records of him existing really exist. he was a circus kid that just ended up placed in juvie. he doesn't have records. Jason on the other hand is just a normal fucking dude. (probably a priest like that one timeline but I've never been religious so I wouldn't really know how to write it. but I could try.) also yes obviously Jason's life has not been easy-peasy or whatever but in comparison he is so very normal.

they meet at a bar or diner or something and Dick uses Jason to get some dudes of his back. probably an "I'll owe you, but I need you to kiss me right now." regardless, Dick had no intentions of actually getting Jason interested in him, but I mean. look at him.

their meeting should've ended at that, but Jason is involved now because he keeps wanting to see that pretty boy that definitely had knives and a gun on him but. pretty 🥺

also I just wanna clarify that Dick is not killing bad people to prove a point. he doesn't even necessarily see what he's doing as 100% right. the systems are corrupt and he knows it, but he also knows he is one man with 0 resources if he didn't get involved in crime. he can't change the systems as one man, but he can help people sleep at night. (kinda think of it like fanon Red Hood. except with less "I know I'm right." because Dick is not concerned about being right, he's concerned with helping people.)

which leads to a lot of conflict with cop Babs. because she doesn't agree at all with what Dick is doing, but also? he's so... gentle with victims. and he doesn't try and hurt Babs unless she tries to arrest him. he seems like an upstanding guy but also he has a kill count. and it is not a small number.

there's no past of present Dickbabs btw. they can be a little flirty at times, but Dick wouldn't date a cop and Babs thinks Dick is too self-righteous anyways.

Jason also has moral objections, (whether just personally or because of religion depends on the priest thing,) but he understands Dick on a deeper level than Babs. he's been at the bottom, he's had to steal to live, he knows. he just wishes that Dick didn't kill. didn't cross that line. it's not a deal breaker, but it is a point of tension.

Dick is basically talking to Jason sporadically at first. nothing much but some surface level conversations, but they're more than Dick usually has with people. Dick is thinking about trying to shut out Jason because he's just a guy and he's gonna get himself hurt. like. really hurt. Leslie encourages him to talk to Jason though because she's known Dick for forever and she says he needs the company. (Leslie does not agree with what Dick is doing btw, but she found him hurt when he was like 10 and became something a confidant for the boy. plus, Dick trusts her enough to bring victims to her when they need help.)

Dick still has Roy as a friend in this AU and they are close but also Roy has a government job that Dick isn't thrilled with and Roy is not thrilled with the murder. they are best friends, but they have a lot of... tension we'll call it. (Jason will have something of a friendship with Roy, but it is mostly formed from mutual concern about Dick.) also Donna is here, but I'm gonna say she does not live in Gotham so y'know. she also doesn't like murder, but Dick's her boy so it's... not fine, but it doesn't matter.

Dick and Jason end up in a friends with benefits situation because Jason assumes Dick would not be willing to commit to relationship considering everything around him and Dick assumes Jason would only want him for his body. they are both stupid. (/affectionate.)

possibly also a marriage of convenience at some point so that Jason can't testify against Dick. how Dick would even get caught in the first place? good question, have not gotten there.

anyway one last thing: Dick does not share his name like. at all. Donna knows it and maybe Roy too but generally it's either aliases or nicknames people call him. so when he tells Jason his name is Dick it is a big deal.

"see you around." "Dick." "huh?" "that's my name. Dick." "in that case, see you around, Dick." "see you, Jace."

anyway this AU will not leave my brain. I like role reversals when they're done in a specific way and this one just itches my brain.

also some quick little things: * I have no idea if Babs is a cop in any DC timeline, however the reason I chose this is so that she can still interact with Dick on some level. because while I don't like Dickbabs personally generally, she is an important character to Dick and I think her being to cop that's chasing him fits better than Gordon. * Roy used to be a government agent in mainline canon. I don't particularly love it for him, but I understand why they chose it and it is canon. I am not making him work for the government out of nowhere or just to fit into the narrative. there is a basis for it. * yes I do recognize that not everyone that is important to Dick has been included. I have not fleshed out every role in this AU and haven't decided what Kori, Wally, etc. will be. * as I mentioned in the post itself, priest Jason is canon to a specific timeline in the DC comics. you can like or not like it, but I am not pulling it out of my ass. (the flashpoint timeline which yes is supposed to be a bad timeline, but my point stands.) * "where's x member of the Batfamily?" I don't know. Tim is probably doing fine just living a normal life. Damian might not even exist. I will probably include Damian just because I love Dick parenting him, but like. I have no idea where the rest of the Batfamily is and this ain't about them. /lh * just because something is in a canon DC timeline does not mean I think it's in character or a good character choice, (looking at you cop Dickie), but I am saying that I think it's fair game for AUs. (like really anything is fair game for AUs, but you hopefully know what I mean.)

sorry to get a bit defensive, just thought I'd explain some of this AU upfront just to deal with some misinterpretations that might happen in one go. <3

Mob Dickie and Normal Guy Jason my beloved. maybe I will explore you in an actual fic someday.

[vroomvroomwee]

TW: suicide!

The show spent so much time on the psychology of the characters these first episodes, especially on Ed's feelings of feeling unlovable and I think it's pretty interesting how that reflects itself in his treatement of Izzy.

OK yeah, he's tormenting the entire crew, but it's pretty obvious he's picking on Izzy the most. Even the crew noticed, "we think you're in an unhealthy relationship with Blackbeard." it's something they've discussed. And at first glance, you could boil it down to Ed wanting his "Revenge" on Izzy. A sort of "Is this what you wanted?" or a "You did this." type of unspoken message.

But I think it's much deeper.

There's something Izzy does that no other crew member does. Something he has that no other person in Ed's life has.

Love.

He loves Edward. Both platonically and romantically. And Ed just.... can't stand that.

Look at his reaction

Annoyed, exasperated, angry, pissed off

Disbelieving

Coming back to his feelings of being unlovable, I think it's important to mention WHY he does everything that he does. Blackbeard is his shield. It's how he deals with pain and heartbreak. It's a form of self-destructive coping mechanism. He finally allowed himself to be happy and free, his walls taken down, his heart unguarded, and then he suffered for it. He bared his soul and allowed himself to feel love and receive love, and he got hurt. Blackbeard is protecting that soft boy that lives deep down in him, just like The Kraken protected him from his dad.

Therefore, from his perspective, it's much, much easier to accept that being unlovable is just his nature and not because of something he did. Accepting that that's just how he is, relieves him of the guilt of knowing he's done something wrong and that it's all his fault. And believing otherwise is too unbearable.

So he hides behind Blackbeard. Tries to convince everyone around him that that's just who he is. "You were always gonna realise what I am".

And to have that illusion challenged is terrifying.

To have someone force you to rethink everything that happened, and wreck your entire perception of yourself, tear down your defences, is terrifying.

Izzy's still persevering love, terrifies him.

In the gif above, his expression is almost pained. A mixture of "Don't lie to me" and "Don't love me." He's so convinced of his own worthlessness and his feelings that he just can't be loved. He feels safe in his conviction and hence in his misery. Ed has very masochistic tendencies, he's relishing in his grief and sadness because he thinks it's what he deserves. He pushed everyone away. Someone unlovable deserved all this pain. He falls back to Blackbeard because that's someone who's kept him safe before. It's someone he knows. Someone he's familiar with.

And Izzy challenges that.

Now he's forced to abandon his safety and be faced with a different reality. That he CAN be loved. And that is too painful.

"I loved you. As best I could, " despite everything he did love Izzy, but the fear that he could be hurt again prevents him from doing it properly. He's afraid.It's not that he doesn't love him it's just that he can't.

So he tries to get rid of it. Tries again and again to make everyone hate him. Tries repeatedly to squash the love Izzy has for him. And with everyone else, he succeeds. But not with Izzy Hands.

So there's only one option left.

And even after he's shot him and basically made him kill himself, Izzy still has love for him. But Ed still acts like he doesn't care, because the burden of being loved will finally be lifted.

Because that's what love represents for him now. Pain.

And it's so symbolic how he wants Izzy of all people to be the one to shoot him. The only one left in the world who loves him. The one he betrayed and pushed away. The one he wants to shoot him in the back. Say what you want, but I don't actually think he dreamt the scene. Simply wished it.

He's caught in a storm. A wave of feeling loved and unlovable. Of guilt and feeling like a victim. It's unbearable. He's tired.

He just wants it all to stop.

[sammygender]

of genderswapped sam and dean. who has the short haircut.

THE REAL QUESTION. i could see a case for either. short hair is probably more convenient for hunting after all....

i think dean wears her hair long as a kid because it reminds john of mary. you could make the case that he'd cut her hair because it reminds him of mary too much, but i can't see it really, i think he'd want to preserve the innocence he sees in girlhood that he doesnt seem to in boyhood (a la that whole journal entry about wishing he had girls and how sons have to be soliders). continuing that, i cant actually really see her cutting her hair short at all because it ties her to her mother in her eyes. i think girl dean is like so obsessed with mary. can you imagine like. her whole life is about avenging mary and she's her daughter and the only girl in the family now. she has no adult female role models except her dead mother. she plays into being john (still loves cars and classic rock and wears flannel and leather jackets and is generally 'masculine') but she still sees herself as mary. john sees her as mary too even though he expects her to act exactly like him also. so i think she keeps her hair long. she probably has childhood memories of mary brushing it and wants to hold onto them. i think she likes it long, and i think john likes it long, and i think it reminds them both of mary, and i think they both like that.

sam? well sam is a lot less invested in playing the Role that's expected of him, so. girl sam is victim to levels of misogyny previously unthought of especially in the way where both john and dean see her as soooo weak and little and in need of protection. and they probably rely on the girl thing a lot to infantilise her. so i can totally see her cutting her hair off in a Fuck You to john at some point. tbh i reckon girl sam would have hair like canon sam's later season hair. though rly i can see anything with sam. also i feel like she'd have grown up with a shortish bob because it's easier maintenance (for dean john winchester is NOT bothered with looking after sams hair <3)

also both of those answers are in an au where one of them's raised a girl and the other isn't. but if we're talking total femchesters? john having two daughters? need to think on this more but im still leaning towards sam. i think girl dean commits to being a Girl the same way canon dean commits to being a Guy, even though both of them are shrouded in the same machismo. but sam fights any role hes given

tldr: sam

[ilikelookingatthings]

Does anyone else feel like its weird that Miraculous Ladybug acts like I should be fine with Adrien's mom dying? and that's its wrong to try to save her?

Like....fridging trope aside.....Arguable Gabe has the most sympathetic reasoning for wanting to become a villain...he is trying to get the ladybug and Chat noir miraculous to make a wish to fix/heal his wife out of her coma which she only entered due to Magic from using a broken Peacock.

His plan makes sense...he can't go to a guardian for help because he doesn't know fu exists at that point and all the other guardians are gone. He's rich so had already used all the science money can buy plus anything he can glean from their not properly translated miraculous book, and its not working. And he clearly had tried to find the miraculous by normal means but couldn't find it outside of narrowing it down to France(unless the plan was that the TV would showcase his akuma villain so the miraculous holders would be activated and come find them from afar which also works).

So, the only way to find the creation and destruction miraculous was to use the pattern shown through history that if a villain appeared that the cat and ladybug miraculous would be activated to deal with it. He pretends to be a villain, amplifies his own negative emotions and simplifies what he wants so it's easier to project it on his victim. He chooses negative emotions because someone vulnerable will be more likely to say yes as he still needs consent, and a villain is the best option to get attention and draw them out. Then he would get the chance to steal the miraculous...which then he could release the victim (who wouldn't know what they did minimizing trauma) where he could reverse all the damage with the newly stolen creation miraculous.

and he knows if he loses the damage would be reversed by the ladybug anyway. and by showing his hawkmoth persona people have someone to blame aside from his Akuma victim. and Gabe knows he can take the powers if it goes too far and that he can talk to his victim and use a brain zap connection check them if they get too out of hand..so while Gabe is still horrible for taking advantage of a (usually a teens) negative emotions to try to steal the miraculous after making a scene and alarming the city of Paris...he arguable has a plan that minimizes the risk and damage where he has to get consent from his victim(they have to agree to the powers and that he persuaded them). and the plan is to heal his wife who can walk back into her life using the 'missing' cover...probably something like her going away for a secret treatment she didn't know would work ect. and Gabe knows i he wins that he just wants to save a loved one(doesn't erase the fear since people don't know what he wants and just because he has the illusion of control it doesn't change people were in real danger.

Its just....Yes he's horrible but he also knows any damage he makes will be reversed and he had no contact with the guardians so it would have been pretty understandably if he didn't really understand how the wish works since the 'Detroy and rewrite the world' sounds like bullshit and a price to heal someone from something the miraculous caused would be hard to fathom or easy to brush aside at first. We've seen Mari justify risky moves because she knows Damage will get reversed at times...and unlike a lot of villains at least Gabe had a failsafe with the Ladybug miraculous and how he hadn't planned to torment Paris and just wanted a quick in and out wish.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Its just weird the show acts like the BEST course of action is just to completely accept Emelie's death....like this isn't natural sickness...this is a miraculous caused one so I wouldn't just accept it easier...even more she isn't dead yet...if she was dead and buried I'd understand the point of him having to accept and move on...but contrary to how its coffin shaped...it's not actually a coffin...it's a healing coma stasis pod.

I mean sure we could argue that if the wish destroys the world that its bad completely even if everything is rewritten (side eyeing the time travel episodes a bit but eh)....but considering how strongly he tries to convince Adrien about his mom being 'missing' and his desperation when the power almost went out due to the power surge during the guys' party....Gabe at least through most of the seasons didn't seem to be banking on the 'remake everything' part and was aiming for the healing her/waking her up part...like was it that someone else would have to go into a coma which would be better than death at least?

it's just I understand that a message can be accepting to let people go when there are no other options but the whole point of science and doctors is to have a fighting chance...and it feels weird to be told to give up is the right thing to do when she isn't dead, and a common 'miracle' is someone being healed.

Like...why is the show trying to get me to ship Gabe and Nathalie at times when Gabe's ONE redeeming feature is that he loves his wife and wants to save her...I mean i like the drama by why act like its some fix? that if Gabe has a replacement, he should stop trying to save her? Even more its not like Gabe is the only one who wants her back...Nathalie clearly thought she was worth it enough to side with this crazy plan, and wanting to bring back the emotionally competent parents' kind of makes sense for Gabe since he clearly didn't prepare to be a single parent.

And like....I'm gonna be honest the thing that bothers me the most if her having videos saying she wants Gabe to give up....like I get...a just in case video...but would it be wrong if the mom WANTED to be saved? Would Emelie wanting to live be selfish?

Also she tends to be treated like a saint character...perfect sweet person dead mom architype. We are all familiar....

But it feels odd people don't address the aspects of her character we DO know. We know Gabe compared Chat noir to Adrien's mom Favorably when Chat ripped him to shreds so to speak in Simon Says when Gabe was being too lighthearted about the danger Gabe was personally in. implying, she often roasted Gabe in a similar way...and considering Gabe as strong parallels personality wise to Marinette...it strengthens the hint that Emelie is also closure to Adrien in their dynamic.

Like....What if the issue is that Emelie was the one super excited about miraculous and using them and didn't check it was safe to use the peacock. Where she overlooked the side affects and kept using it anyway until it was too late? Something that could parallel how Adrien when he first got Plagg got so excited he accept the powers without finding out the details as well as Adrien being a bit reckless when it comes to his OWN well-being in his confidence. Like...she wanted a baby, but she couldn't have one naturally so wanted to use the peacock instead of invitro or adoption and she was stubborn about it. Ignoring Gabe who would be more cautious about its view (similar to how Marinette is more cautious and collects info and makes plans to contrast Adrien who jumps right in first). Her kindness in making a baby for others like Kagami for Kagami's mom and Felix for her sister. Maybe Emilie tried doing good with the peacock or heck even the butterfly before...but Emilie being reckless led to her not realizing the affect it would have on her family if something happened to her. Emilie was also really talented in her own right both as a model and an actress(even if she only acted a little in that one movie)...but if she's similar to Adrien in how he tends to be naturally supportive and empathetic....what if she was a great source of help for Gabe who struggled a bit with that...especially with him trying to impress her old money family with his new money riches....

like it would make Sense of Gabe wants to help her /save her or might blame himself for not stopping her...even more if she believes in him like how chat believes in LB/Mari.

It just feels unfair that the show seems to act like it's just the only option that Adrien's mom would be understanding about them letting her die/go instead of trying to save her when most of them would have no reason to understand or believe the weight of the wish would be THAT bad.

and if Gabe's plan was always to switch with the mom (similar to how Nathalie was healed but he was gone) ...would the mom know and be worried because she wanted Gabe to be, okay?

Like I wish there was a bit more nuance we were shown...like was she reckless in using it...whether through genuine good or selfish intentions but not bad? what about how she was also super protective of Adrien...like its not just Gabe who made Adrien homeschool...it was the mom...and Adrien was more or less fine with it still his mom disappeared and he was struck with his grieving dad who was NOT taking it well and who (WE know) was probably trying to find way to fix the mom and putting Adrien second to try to fix her faster for Adrien's sake...forgetting Adrien couldn't be that understanding since to Adrien his mom disappeared while Gabe at least knew she was alive and Adrien didn't know his dad was taking care of his mom.

Was she a little vain or shallow? at all dramatic like Adrien? would she sneak out at times? Was the mom at all paranoid or overprotective about Adrien? Was she overly affectionate hence why Adrien might struggle with certain personal space issues at times?

Its just..Gabe has the energy of someone who kind of had to pick up being hawkmoth out of necessity like Mari did to help save Paris(or alya Infront of her)...only for him his Paris was Emelie...also according to how Gabe responded to Chat in Simon says...did she put Gabe in his place? get annoyed at him or think that Gabe was too reckless with himself like how Mari at times can be confident and not realize the danger she puts herself in?

We know the mom was adventurous and directly was part of that expedition to find the miraculous with Gabe and Nathalie and that they liked to travel often. We also know as much as Gabe loves his wife....he isn't a big fan of her sister even if Adrien and Felix would hang out more often before.

I mean...Emelie doesn't have to be evil or anything, but I would like a bit more nuance to her...

Honestly, I half wonder if Emelie had actually made a wish before and that's why she wants Gabe to give up.

What if Gabe had actually been the one to suffer the consequences of the peacock before and Emelie had been the Hawkmoth...only to succeed and change things so SHE used it instead so Gabe would live in her place...trying to stop him from burning himself out with those videos.

Also...people give Gabe flack for not going back in time to stop Emilie from using the peacock...but if she did that...wouldn't that have stopped Felix, Kagami and especially Adrien his own son from existing?

Like its the easiest route to fix Emilie but it could risk the existence of their kid so is it really the most obvious choice that Gabe failing to see means he's just too far gone that the show is trying to pretend it was?

Also has anyone heard the Theory that Emilie and Amelie were also sentibeings as well?

or that Adrien is based on them losing a kid together? or him being half a sentibeing?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Also....if they were going to save Nathalie with Gabe dying....Why not just have Gabe trade himself for his wife anyway? why can't both Nathalie and Emelie be saved?

like morally I think Gabe thinking it would be better if Adrien had emelie instead of Gabe could be interesting since she seems better at emotions and was the more emotion focused parent...but that could also show the flaw of when you focus on your 'role' of what your good at and forget to practice the other aspects of parenting...relying on the other person for the other aspects instead of you both equalizing it out? would Adrien agree? or be devastated his dad felt it would have been preferable if Gabe died instead of Emilie?

also...why not just have them offer the guardians to help save Emelie? show that the wish isn't necessary and get experts in who can help combined with science since she technically isn't dead?

also... what if that's a decoy and the real Emelie is somewhere else?

I'm just saying them finding those videos all the way in season 5 after THIS long just saying Gabe should let Emilie go feels pretty convenient.

Also...what happens if Adrien finds out the truth and uses a wish to bring both of his parents back but at the cost of himself?

Would potentially Amelie pretend to be Emilie and make the videos? similar to felix?

Or get desperate to save her sister now that she knows she was in trouble/in a coma?

Also...I get Adrien tends to be the 'move forward type when you can't change anything' and he was probably just trying to be calmer and accept things to contrast how his dad was stuck and how Adrien pieced together his mom was sick and her 'disappearing' was probably his mom running away to die where her family couldn't see her since they had tried to keep it from Adrien...and that his dad was in denial about it and Adrien came to terms by himself.

but it feels odd they have Adrien be so accepting I guess? like if he was more in denial how would that have affected marinette on the subject? though I get his dad not giving up easily when emilie isn't dead and he has seen her in the pod.

Though imagine if the mom DID come back a the end with the 'missing' excuse as a cover still.

Also... Nathalie basically enabled Gabriel into his death...i wonder how Nathalie would feel about that now or about Emelie after the taps...like I haven't forgotten the guy almost gave up being hawkmoth but Nathalie encouraged him to continue!

[raelle-writing]

The reality is that most kids would be either a Fluke or Jin. If nothing else it’s because they don’t also want to be bullied or ostracized by their friends. You can criticize the choices that Jin makes but realize that he is also a child that doesn’t yet have the maturity and wisdom of an adult. I see this group of teens and their treatment of Non as a cautionary tale. Obviously this is ultimately a horror/thriller so everything is heightened to the extreme. Therefore I don’t have an issue with the gore, mayhem and fantastical elements. But this type of bullying could and does happen in real life sometimes with devastating tragedies. So I do wish that people on social media were more careful of the terms they use and directly harassing your character is not a good look. Hurling insults behind a computer screen hurts just as much as doing it in person. (IMO) The fact that they are essentially bullying you is ironic considering what DFF is about.

There is a certain irony to watch the fandom turn into bullies in defense of the bullied character. I understand being defensive of the characters you like (I'm defensive of Jin in case you haven't noticed lol). But I understand why people don't like him. I've never justified all of his actions, but I do genuinely think people are too hard on him a lot of the time.

And I also wish all the Non defenders would have a bit of nuance about his character too because he's a victim, but that doesn't exempt him from hurting others. I'll never say he cheated because I beleive we shouldn't apply that word to a situation involving coercion and power imbalances. But Non does still get his friends arrested. And he does lie to and gaslight Phee. And those are okay things to acknowledge while still having sympathy for him as a character.

I agree with you. I think most people wouldn't even do as much as Jin tbh because while he doesn't do enough arguably, he does a lot as far as defending Non over and over and over (even up until after Non disappears he's still snapping at his friends to address Non by his name). And it's really hard to be that level of defiant to your peers constantly. It's waaaaaaay easier to be Fluke and look the other way and tell yourself that you're not involved then, even if you could stop it.

Everyone online seems to have a hero complex and think they'd do the Absolute Right Thing even when there's no clear right thing in certain situations, and then they demonize these teenagers for not doing those things. (I made a thread on Twitter talking about Jin lying to the police and police corruption in the DFF narrative and in Thailand in general, including linking to a bunch of Thai tweets that talk about that and I got people replying to me saying that they live in countries with police corruption but they still would've told the truth to the police even if they would've disappeared and I got a good laugh out of that. It's so easy to be the hero in your head in a hypothetical situation, but reality is a lot harder than that).

Yeah, I don't know why this particular fandom seems to be so caught up on "if you like a character that I view as morally bad then YOU are a bad person" especially considering the audience crossover to the KPTS fandom like. Were you mad at all of the mafia boys doing mafia things in KPTS becaussssssse that was worse than a lot of what's happening in DFF so far ahahahaha

Anyway, I'm not ever going to demand that everyone likes Jin. I don't particularly care of people like him or not as long as they're not coming after ME about it. I wish people were a little less... vitriolic about the mistakes of teenagers, though I understand why many people are so mad about it. I just can't get past the idea that these people were all kids when they made these mistakes, and it's hard to see even Por die because I have sympathy for them all. Did they fuck up? Duh. Do they deserve to die...? I have a hard time with that, but I'm trying to be mentally prepared ahahahaha

I also hope all the people out there who have decided Jin is the worst person ever and deserves to die are prepared for if that doesn't happen. Because there are a lot of threads in the narrative point pretty strongly to a future redemption for him IMO (tho of course they could go in another direction, anything is possible at this point). And I have a feeling that all those people who are calling me names on Twitter aren't going to handle it well if Jin get redeemed or like... lives in the end. I have a feeling they won't handle that well.

Anyway, thanks for the message 💕

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 15: Emily's Last Meal

Masterlist

September 1925

TW: captivity, mind control, covert brainwashing, Emily POV

Emily spent the entire afternoon curled up in a ball on her cot, wishing there were anything she could do to take her mind off of her situation. She'd like to go to sleep, even though the lights were still on, but sleep wasn't coming.

Lily had taken Oliver again, which meant the next time she saw him he'd most likely be glassy eyed and spouting pro-vampire nonsense, robbing her of the only person in the place she could at least hold a conversation with. 

Even though he was a victim as much as she was, she wasn't especially inclined to feel charitable towards him right now. She had hardly slept a wink since she'd been dragged into these cells, and the sleep deprivation had been making her especially irritable, a raw nerve that kept being poked. And last night had been the worst night at all, because Oliver had spent the entire lights-out period chanting hypnotic mantras, loud enough for Emily to hear. There had been a steady drone of "obedience is pleasure" and "no desire to resist" the entire night with only brief respites. Not only was it disruptive, but Emily had actively fought sleep, not wanting to fall asleep with hypnotic chanting softening her mind.

The vampire guards who were so quick to crack down on unwanted noises did nothing about this, of course. Emily suspected that Lily had engineered this to take down both her and Oliver at once, a two-for-one special.

It wasn't Oliver's fault, and she knew that. Her annoyance should be directed towards Lily and their vampire captors, and it mostly was. But she still very much wasn't in the mood to speak to him when Oliver returned, completely unguarded, wearing a simple white kind of frock dress and looking quite serene.

"What are you wearing, Oliver?" 

"Miss Lily gave me these clothes and let me shower," he explained. He was standing in front of her cell and none of the vampires seemed to care.

A lost cause, she thought, and hated herself for thinking so.

"And she told me to tell you that she'll be inducing you very soon."

Emily felt her mouth go dry, a cold pit of fear in her stomach. Of course, she expected this. She'd known what was coming. That didn't make it any easier.

"I know you're scared of it, Emily, but it's really not that bad," said Oliver in a tone that was probably meant to be reassuring. "She didn't take my mind that much at all. I still feel like myself, I just don't have any desire to escape, and I want to obey whatever the vampires tell me to do. That's not that bad, right?"

Oh, Oliver was such a lost cause. And she was next in line.

"Are you listening to yourself? You think that wanting to obey the vampires, the vampires who kidnapped us and are holding us in prison to sell -- you think that's okay?"

Something briefly flashed in Oliver's eyes, a spark of life. "I think it's... I think it's our reality," he said. "And if we have to be here... is it so bad if they make us want to obey? It's easier, and will help us survive. That makes sense, right?"

"I don't really care what makes sense," she said. "I don't want to be a slave. I don't want a vampire erasing my free will. I don't want some monster feeding off of me -- or did they make you forget that they were going to do that, too?"

"I didn't," he said. "You're probably not going to believe me, but Miss Lily showed me a little of what it would be like, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined. I'm not sure how to explain it without sounding crazy, though."

"It sounds crazy because it is crazy. Because you're totally under their spell now. What about your bookshop? Your former life?"

Oliver's calm facade broke a bit as he looked down at his feet. "...I'm not getting those back, I don't think," he said. "I... um. Perhaps this is an awkward question, but how hypnotized am I, actually? I feel fine, but..."

"I think Lily's gotten so far in your head that you can't even tell how much any more. I'm sorry."

"...I suspected that might be the case."

"Do you want me to try and snap you out of it?"

"No. I have no desire to resist," he said, automatically.

Oh, this poor man.

She should save him. She should try to wake him up again. But she was exhausted, and knew how futile it would be. Even if she could make a dent in Lily's influence, she'd only just take him again. He was no doubt going to keep her up again all night with chanted mantras.

She felt selfish, heartless, but she'd been running her whole life. Running from her family, from her awful, alcohol soaked father, from abusive lovers, from poverty. And now it might actually be the end of the line, and she was so, so tired, and Oliver was so obviously a lost cause.

They both were. She was going to die down here in everything but the technical sense, giving her life for a vampire's pleasure. Few would miss her or even notice she was gone.

"They're bringing dinner now, Emily. I'd better get back in my cell," Oliver said. "And... I'm sorry that I can't help you. I really am."

"I'm sorry, too, Oliver."

Dinner arrived, and it was a heaping plate of roast turkey and gravy with mashed potatoes, peas, and a slice of apple pie, of all things. Imagine apple pie baked and served by vampires! It smelled heavenly and it was the largest meal they'd served yet. She couldn't help but be suspicious. 

She knew that no matter how suspicious she was, she'd cave and eat it in a few minutes at most. She'd been hungry enough in her life that she couldn't bear not to eat hot, fresh food when it was right in front of her face, especially since it hadn't been drugged or poisoned up until now. She hated herself for how eagerly she ate the vampires' prison food, cleaning her plate every time, and that it was the best fed she'd been in ages. 

This was no exception, the kind of meal she dreamed about on nights when she'd had to content herself with half a can of beans or a single mashed potato. At least if this was her last meal as herself, it was a decent one.

The lights snapped off, and she'd barely had enough time to brace herself before Oliver started up the mantras again. "Obedience is pleasure," he said, in a thick, drowsy voice. "No desire to resist. Too tired to resist. Hopeless to resist..."

Emily furrowed her brow. That seemed directly pointed at her. Lily was trying to wear her down, she just knew it. Whatever she did, she couldn't sleep tonight, couldn't let those thoughts be drilled into her brain.

She sat, and stared into the pitch black gloom, and tried to think of anything, anything at all. Old friends. New paints. A pint of cheap beer. Fall leaves. The view from the Oak Street Bridge. 

Too tired to resist...

She was never getting out of here, was she?

She was so sleep deprived, and her stomach was comfortably full, and the cells were always kept warm...

She didn't realize it when her head began to nod, her thoughts swirling into nightmares of a vampire pinning her down and drinking from her neck, draining her energy and life, all the while Oliver's voice droned on about obedience.

And she didn't, at first, realize it when Oliver's droning voice mixed with Lily's.

"Obedience is pleasure. You're too tired to resist, Emily, much too tired," said a calm and soothing voice close by.

Emily stirred. She wasn't in her bed. She was being... held? Carried. 

"Shhh, Emily, relax. Go back to sleep. You're so tired," said Lily. "And you're already under my spell. There's nothing to fight. Go back to sleep."

A nightmare? It had to be. "I'm not..." she protested, trying to wake up. Why was it so hard? She cracked her eyelids open. Lily was looking down at her while carrying her in her arms.

"Of course you are, dear. Even the most defiant human must sleep, and even the most defiant human mind is vulnerable while sleeping," she said, as though explaining to a child. "Sleep now, go back to sleep. You're too tired to resist."

This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening now. She felt herself slipping back into slumber against her will, clawing her consciousness back from the brink.

"You're not going to have me," she said, fighting the haze that threatened to swallow her.

"Oh, pet, I've subdued a hundred girls like you and I'll subdue a hundred more after," she said. "Now hush, and go back to sleep."

Part Fourteen >> Masterlist >> Part Sixteen

Thank you for reading this story about Emily.

Tag list - please note if you'd like to be added

@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin @whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps

[ohsoulymoons]

If you think I hate Gwen, then you don't get it!

I ranted about tagging right last post. [If you think I hate Gwen... Bro wtf?]

I don't hate her; I don't understand her and lack of unwillingness of her just being Gwen.

Gwen who cried not due to a man by her side.

Gwen who doesn't not hate Heather or Courtney.

A Gwen who is misunderstood by many and still a teenager.

I did many shitty things; I am adult now and at times I am the bad guy for say no or putting hard boundaries with my own family and space now.

Gwen not just the boyfriend kisser or stealer.

Yes, she still be a victim and still do harm or actually do worse.

But I don't even coddle Courtney in my fanfics I drag her around in the mud and put her through so much like if she can survive anything and she's my "favorite"! If I do that to her and think what I do to Gwen?

Gwen is not perfect or piece meat or "the one that got Duncan"

She's just fucking Gwen and that rules.

I want her creepy, pathetic, and mean.

Sometimes I want to be cruel. loving women, punching for her last breath.

At times I make her the fool in love with thought of her love interest but in end she can't love them for it was not true ever once.

Gwen can be a lot things but you don't let her grow in one's own mind she's just the wimpy sad coward boyfriend kisser you force her to be!

She's more to me than that.

She is all the girls that made mistakes and don't let herself forget it.

She's smell of rain here in Texas

She's mystery to you because she probably hates you and refuses to speak to you about real shit she cares about.

She is not piece of meat or that gothic sexual fantasy you place in the ship must have been or wished that happened!

She's pretty awesome even if you think she's a lil loser with no life but THAT'S MY LIL LOSER WITH NO LIFE BECAUSE I LOVE HER.

GWEN CAN HAVE HOBBIES LIKE:

SCAMMING PEOPLE?

POSION COLLECTION

TAKING PICTURES WITH CONSENT OF PEOPLE OVER 5'5"

INTO FACTS OF SEXUAL DIEASES

MAKING UP LIES FOR MAN THAT DOESN'T LEAVE HER ALONE FOR THE FUN OF IT TO MAKE HER FIRENDS LAUGH AT IT

But y'all sleeping on her so bad.

You might say but slowly don't you do that?

The lesson or meaning of my stories is bullshit happens and human errors happen now we must deal with it ourselves and the aftermath. I love to give human redemption to TD characters but not all get that or should get it.

Like Duncan mostly fucking awful man in my fanfics in the past gets the girl when he shouldn't! Or doesn't learn shit in the end he will not be happy in these stories end because he didn't change but Gwen and Courtney will!

Most the time I try make best of it for all Duncan, Gwen, and Courtney but doesn't mean they need to be together to have a better life or need to end up together to be happy in general!

End of the day Gwen is not Courtney or Duncan.

She's just Gwen.

No love story hers should end up in heartbreaking way like it did Gwuncan because it's too sad, hallow, and screams of teenage girl who found home in stranger place moves in home that she can truly never call a home.

A kiss that changed everything and no will let go.

Girl that got the guy vs Bitch that deserved it.

And that's tragedy.

A girl who could been your anything mostly your friend and her name was Courtney.

A girl what had similar haircut just like you but not ever going to be you. her skin was tan filled with freckles and she was loud so called annoying and demanding... Everything you weren't.

While many looking at you, you looking at her and you nothing about her.

You thought hate her?

Then later on you thought you needed to hate her and so you did.

She did the same thing too.

Then you lost her for one mistake that led down quicksand of mistakes dragging you down in a relationship that you regret with so-called friend Duncan.

You regret it so bad but how could you ever forgive someone who did that to you?

So you don't and you deny it. You deny it was wrong because it was easier to deny then look at her and see Courtney break due what you did.

Duncan wasn't even worth later on the relationship because you try to move, and you did hopefully Courtney forgot and forgave you both!

But Duncan was thinking of "her" living within the embrace of the memories of Courtney.

Then you realized all 3 lived in tragedy called love and couldn't tell the difference between what real love or not.

So do like Gwen?

No, I love the idea of her, I love to think she's more the "villain" the world paints her to be but in reality, she's just a cartoon character but to me she didn't know better, and everyone let her have it.

But with Courtney a teenager just like Gwen the wolves and more people tear her apart for everything.

Then seeing Courtney actually be with Scott and being like oh? Why are you kind and nice to him but I used to be your friend?!

Anyway, make them human or make them kiss.

Show out to Gwen and Courtney fans now I get your ship! So fucking good man! But like can Duncan actually not be the villain in the story sometimes but supportive man to them? Like hell yeah let them be gay and yes, I did date them, but we are all friends now after a long time!

Also: I WANT MAKE GIRLFRIEND KISSER AU

WHERE DUNCAN KISSES COURTNEY WHILE GWEN AND COURTNEY ARE ON BREAK FROM THEIR ON AND OFF RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE IT SOUNDS FUNNY LIKE MESSY TIME AND THEN IT'S JUST CHAOS BUT THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER BECAUSE I WANT THEM HAPPY

[cosmicjoke]

Alright, chapter 54 of Saezuru.

Some really interesting developments this chapter, I think.

The first thing I want to talk about is the bar maid, who we finally get a name for, Izumi. What struck me this chapter was the parallel that seems to be drawn between her and Yashiro. We see her protesting Kamiya beating up the guy who stole the money from the bar, and see that she's being made very uncomfortable by the display of violence. She later asks Kamiya to forgive him. What I noticed here was what Kamiya says to her then, about this life not "suiting her" and telling her she's "too kind". That's exactly what Ryuuzaki said about Yashiro once. The life of a Yakuza, a violent life, doesn't suit either Izumi, or Yashiro. Yashiro is ALSO too kind. He can't ever bring himself to be ruthless the way one really needs to be to make it in that world. There's countless examples of this throughout the story, of Yashiro not being able to just turn his back on others, not being able to abandon anyone, always helping others, even at his own expense, etc... I've talked before about Yashiro's feminine qualities, and why I think he's fearful of admitting to Doumeki that he wants to be treated gently, because it recalls for him what his step-father used to say to him about really "being a woman". If Yashiro admits that he doesn't like to be treated roughly, or violently, if he admits he doesn't like being abused, it's like admitting his step-father was right about him. When you really think about Yashiro's coping mechanism, this persona he's built for himself of being a masochist, and you put it into context with what his step-father used to tell him about himself, it makes all the more sense why Yashiro clung to that persona for so long. It was an attempt to free himself from the idea of being a victim, but also an attempt to prove his step-father wrong. We later see Inami calling Yashiro a "masochist freak", too. I feel like Yoneda is drawing a deliberate parallel here between Yashiro and Izumi. Kamiya confronts her about being Doumeki's girlfriend, and we know Yashiro is also under the impression that Doumeki is with her romantically, and that he's secretly been longing for Doumeki to treat him with the same gentility and kindness that he's observed him treating her with. I think Yoneda is kind of suggesting here again that Yashiro is very much like a woman in his sensibilities, in his temperament, in his desires.

That's not to say Yashiro is transgender. I don't think that. He wasn't meant to be a woman, like his step-father told him, and he doesn't feel like he's in the wrong body. But what he does share in common with a woman, like Izumi, is that he doesn't belong or fit into a world of violence and this sort of toxic, masculine behavior that's so prevalent in and among the yakuza. There's a reason everyone in that world has always treated Yashiro the way they do. They view him I think, in some ways, like he's a woman. That might be why they don't consider it "gay" when they use him for sex. Because they've designated him almost like he's some sort of female object to be used and abused in whichever ways they like. Ryuuzaki even asked Yashiro, famously, if he ever wished he was a woman, and Yashiro told him no, but then said he thinks it would be easier if he was, because it wouldn't be so difficult for him to have sex with men. Yashiro is gay, but he wants to have a relationship with another man that, generally, he believes, would more resemble a man's relationship with a woman. He once thought about knowing the pain of a man loving another man. That pain being one he was, tragically, intimately familiar with at that point. Yashiro associates brutality and rape with gay relationships, because that's all he's ever really known. Yashiro is a gay man with feminine sensibilities, but even those who recognized that, like Ryuuzki, wished he were a woman, so he could "protect" him. This is the kind of message Yashiro's been getting his whole life. He's a man, so he gets abused by other men, and he could only get what he really wants, that is, to be treated gently, if he were a woman. But being a woman would mean his step-father was right about him. So he finds himself in sort of this no-mans land, where he he isn't really a man or a woman. Again, instead, he ends up feeling like he's some sort of deformed monster or alien that doesn't fit anywhere. The truly heartbreaking thing about all of that, of course, is that it continues to perpetuate and reinforce for Yashiro exactly the sorts of things his step-father used to say to him, and what his step-father made him believe about himself. That there's something wrong with him. I feel like all of this is going to come to a head at some point. With Doumeki becoming more and more firmly entrenched in the world of the yakuza, and us as an audience being given more and more clues about Yashiro's own lack of compatibility with that same world, eventually something's going to have to give. I truly believe that Yashiro can't remain a yakuza, or even connected to the yakuza, and ever really find happiness, or contentment. Living in that world, in that environment, surrounded by those kinds of people, makes it impossible for Yashiro to ever, truly be himself, or to discover who he really even is.

Anyway, about Inami. I think he showed that video to Doumeki just to sow discord between him and Yashiro. Inami is a genuine sadist. He's someone who just wants to and enjoys hurting people. He's trying to upset Doumeki by showing him the video of him raping Yashiro, and then expressing how much fun he gets out of doing it. He tells Doumeki that Yashiro is impotent and that doing it with him equates, essentially, to rape, which he says is "too good" to just call "killing time". He's saying that he enjoys raping Yashiro to the point that it's an activity he wants to seek out and continue with. And then he suggests to Doumeki that Yashiro is having sex with both of them as a means of hurting himself. He calls Yashiro a "masochist freak" and tells Doumeki that he comes to him after having sex with Doumeki because he isn't satisfied with just one man raping him. In Inami's sick and twisted mind, he thinks this is what Yashiro wants. He's projecting his own perversions onto Yashiro. What's interesting here is what Doumeki will do with this information. Because Inami doesn't know that Yashiro isn't impotent when he's with Doumeki, but he's just revealed to him that Yashiro seeks him out as a means of punishing, or hurting, himself, or so he believes. He tells Doumeki to make sure Yashiro is "good and satisfied" next time, since "that isn't working anymore". I think what Inami means here is that he thinks Yashiro is becoming more extreme in his masochism, needing MORE punishment to get it up, but it's really the opposite. And I think maybe Doumeki is going to realize what Inami doesn't. Maybe Doumeki will put two and two together and realize that Yashiro's impotence is a result of him no longer enjoying that kind of rough treatment, and maybe from there, he'll start to realize what it is Yashiro really wants.

Just to end this on, I loved how Yashiro was on to that waiter watching them. Can't fool this dude for anything, haha. His entire interaction with Nanahara was great this chapter. They really do just come across as friends. Yashiro laughing at Nanahra's suit getting messed up, seeming to abandon him to fight those thugs by himself, but coming back for him and then helping to get him patched up afterward. But they always have each others backs, in their own ways.

[theminecraftbee]

Yeah, I knew it was unlikely for anyone to partner with a spirit from the start like Grian does, in fact my first idea for this was "episode where xB gets possessed by the spirit of Hiding or something and plot twist the episode doesn't end with him defeated, the monster is invisible by definition and after its conflict is done it can't be caught, plot twist xB stays like that for the rest of the season peacefully somehow, I guess that could mean somehow being a full magical girl who's just undetectable instead of having a transformation sequence, this could also power up his ability so Scar eventually forgets he even has that guy to look out for..." and then I couldn't think of any situation where a character whose whole plot point is staying hidden would do anything to cause the heroes to notice it enough for an episode to happen anyway, and then I imagined that first burst of all of them escaping, off to do various chaotic things, and then the one that's based on some concept that's naturally peaceful and quiet all along just calmly floats along until it finds someone who's used to being quiet and would be happy to be rid of what little attention he does get, so I thought it would be funny if the two just met and instantly agreed fully or however partnership works, like before the monster attacks have happened enough that xB even knows about them, you know?

That plus the "mysterious helper who may or may not know all the secrets but either way ends up not being a threat" trope and the "unremarkable background character with an inexplicably dedicated fandom" trope, it would work just as well to have him start appearing at any time but it feels funnier/more fulfilling to be able to look at this imaginary anime and have at least one frame of every single episode where he's visible!

oh hmmm that's actually a fun one. and to be fair, i think xb would be... rather happy to slip into the background, honestly. sure, this is all... a lot more than he'd prefer to deal with. but watching scar's crew deal with it has given him SOME idea of how to handle the fact he still has a spirit around, and being able to be invisible sometimes... it's useful. it's useful!

i think maybe he shows up in the background of some support group episodes afterwards and if you aren't paying attention it's hard to realize what's happening.

however i'm honestly still not sure how early in the plot we can have a spirit partnership here? i think maybe. xb is an early possession victim (maybe one of the first ones blackbird interferes with?) but the spirit escapes. xb sort of just slips away without letting anyone help him quietly because he manages to get unpossessed but he just KNOWS people are gonna be weird about the fact the spirit escaped. plus, he has unlocked a little more of his magical potential now. he can just... make himself disappear. he doesn't know why. it's not a partnership, so much as a potential he already had that, like a few other members of the plot (bdubs being out big example), due to a combination "wishing star getting closer" and "spirit possession", he can do even more.

and it's... nice. sometimes it isn't nice - he basically can't go out to eat unless he's with someone else, the waitstaff will forget he's there, and actually for anything he needs to be remembered for it's kind of a pain, but in a lot of life he just... slides in the background now. and if he really, really wants to be noticed he can mostly turn it off? but eh, he's an introvert anyway, as long as his small circle of friends still talks to him, he's fine. keralis and hypno and beef haven't forgotten he exists yet.

(hypno nearly forgets once. it makes xb's hair stand on end. he puts more effort into his side of the friendship with him for months afterwards. hypno's bemused. "you never texted back so quick before. what's gotten into you - monsters making you remember your mortality?" and it's... easier than the actual answer to go with that. hypno says xb should go to the support group again. xb doesn't say: they won't remember i'm there too if i don't make an effort to talk the whole time.)

its later in the plot, after... i had a timeline somewhere, but i think at LEAST after bdubs joins the squad and DEFINITELY after the "the magical girl crew fights the military" incident. it's then that the spirit of hiding reappears, and, drawn once again to xb's magic, despite the fact he's arguably more resistant to possession now, turns up where xb is.

and like... look. xb really, really doesn't want to get possessed again. because as nice as fading into the background is, he just... he doesn't want...

and they find themselves at an impasse.

xb gets this guy, is the thing. compared to other spirits, this guy doesn't do that much. it just... makes it easy to forget itself. to forget other people. and there's a horror in that, too, but there's also... xb can relate. before all of this started, he would have thought he'd be content to be entirely forgotten as well. it's just, the brief moment when someone he was close to had no recognition in his eyes -

"hey," xb says to the spirit that does not want to leave but that he doesn't want to let possess him. "hey. change of plans. how about we make a deal? i think there's something we can both offer to each other."

two days later, he slips into keralis's door and, once he finds the man, quietly sobs. he never says why. afterwards, he goes back to almost-normal. almost. if you aren't one of his friends, at least. his friends are... concerned. he's up to something.

xb assures them: he won't interfere that much. not his style. also, if he WERE to get noticed, he's pretty sure he might get dissected or something? so. much better to just... adjust from the background when he can.

he's sure it'll turn out fine.

[maryannecrimsworth]

Headcanons

Pairing: Hailey Upton x Single Father! Former FBI profiler! OC! Kristoff "Kris" Aller

Summary: here

Author's note: these are just some ideas I gathered until I can't come up with the first chapter. I hope you like it

First Stake-out

“You know, you can ask me anything” He seemed comfortable in the passenger’s seat, his voice was serene and low. The night was perfectly still, his slow-moving chest and words being the only proof of life in the whole block. Unlike her, he felt easy, and his breathing was silent and light. His gaze was on the streets, focused but unpreoccupied. Hailey, on the other hand, froze for a second, and her breathing stopped when he suddenly spoke. “It’s easier than following me around, you know.”

She quickly turned to him, and their eyes finally met. Her widened look found his cool expression.

“Why did you do it?”

"I'm uncomfortable with this partnership" Hailey admitted with a sharp voice

"This isn't a partnership." He replied almost immediately. "I'm here for a case. Only one. Then you don't get to see me again."

Hailey sustained their shared gaze — she analyzed his features as he grew unsletted before her light blue eyes.

"I don't think you mean that. Any of it." She stated. " It's useless to ask you anything if you're going to answer with lies."

Kris snorted. "Are you serious?"

"Everything about you seems fake." She argued back "So, yes, I'm serious."

"Hmm." His eyes were burnings hers; his annoyance was clear "Why is that?"

"You have a juvenile record, but almost none reports from the police academy. Several promotions, only compliments, even Platt likes you...On paper, you're a perfect cop, but—"

"I turned it all down." His semblance softened; he shook his head slowly as if her suspicions were perfectly reasonable. "Do you wish to know why?"

For a second, Hailey saw his eyes water, and she was ready to say 'yes' — but Kris turned his face away in reflex. "Someone's here." He whispered, now analyzing the empty streets.

They were not alone.

Context

• At first, Hailey didn't like the idea of Kris becoming her new partner; Technically, he wasn't even suppose to know about the case. For some reason, however, Voight trusted Kris — yet, it didn't mean Hailey would trust him

• "C.I Bishop" that's what Ruzek called him. No long after, Hailey figured out why he had this title: during his patrol days, Kris assigned more C.Is and got confessions for many cases. Suspects would talk to him as if he was a priest in the confessional. No wonder he was selected for the first team of the Special Investigations Unit. Few years later, FBI itself selected him and took him to N.Y

• Voight and Platt treated him with respect and warmth; it was unusual to see Trudy being chatty and asking about his daughters nearly every time Kris passed by; Voight would do the same thing, and worse: many times, he would take Kris to his office for some sort of secretive conversation. Hailey could only watch them

• Adam was willing to be his partner; Torres was making up theories Kris very often agreed with; Voight trusted him completely — and it was clear that Kris wasn't excited about getting a desk for himself. But the Sargent teamed him up with Hailey, and the man occupied Jay's former table with discomfort. They both had to admit, it was awkward

Partnership

• There was something off about him, Hailey could tell. No one could possibly be so balanced, light headed and calm as Kris . No true profiler or police officer could be so easy going while watching and analyzing the most horrible scenes she has ever seen. He looked like a pshyco, staring at the crime scenes and victims with a totally blank face. Another odd thing: he didn't come up with any theories on the first days, even though this was his only job

• He looked, sounded, and behaved like a lie, a fraud. And this case was too important for him to mess everything up. Hailey felt she had no other option: she started to investigate him

• It didn't take long until she figured out: his wife suspiciously passed away four years ago; he left FBI for unknown reasons; he has the guardianship of two girls: Amber, 6, his daughter, and Tessa, 14, his niece. She could find nothing about Tessa's mother. He had brilliant ratings and few complaints. On the paper, he was one of the best police officers Hailey has ever known — who suddenly gave up everything to work at a rehab center. He was either an angel or a demon running from his past

• Another problem: he had a juvenile reccord, which required autorization to be accesed. He came to Chicago when he was 17, and got in trouble just a few days after arriving. The only thing Hailey could discover: Voight took care of his case

A bit more about the plot:

"I have a clue." He spoke out of the sudden as soon as the shift began. His eyes shone with an unsettling energy. "A theory, more precisely." He walked over to the board. "The animal-based accelerator, the abandoned factories and now companies. It's evolving, growing like a story-line." The whole unit looked at Kris with confusion. "I looked up the first arsons again. All the buildings once were public places, hospitals, secretariats, stations and so on." They asked how the companies buildings would fit into that, and he went on "They don't aim at the people, but at what the place symbols. At 3 a.m, they go to old community centers, lock whoever is in up, and set fires to it." Silence again. "Mission-oriented type of serial killers. I'm just missing their manifest." "Why you keep saying them?" The team asked. "It's a group. Probably white, young men, trying to make a statement for the whole town to see." Adam, Kim and Kevin glanced at each other, all of them confused and surprised. Voight, Torres and Upton stared straight at Kris. "I made up a list of possible next targets. They might act tomorrow." Then, without questioning, Voight said "So let's get ready."

[ministrationz]

i don't know what azula anti needs to hear this, but absolutely NO ONE who is worth listening to is seriously making the argument that azula hasn't done anything wrong, or that she's been the perfect child. what we are saying is that azula was a VICTIM of her fathers abuse and mistreatment by her mother, and that it heavily impacted her actions. yes ursa was in a bad situation, yes she was being abused by ozai, and yes she had very little personal liberties, but no matter how you spin it, that's no excuse to treat azula less favourably than zuko, nor is it an excuse to make azula feel unloved. the opinion that ursa can do no wrong and did no wrong to her children because she was abused is out of touch with the reality of what it's like to grow up in an abusive household. abuse is unfortunately a cycle and leads to EVERYONE in the household being negatively affected. this does not mean that anyone asides from the abuser is blameless for harm being done to children in the household.

azula understands that ursa was in a bad situation. she knows that her father was abusive. we see this in azula in the spirit temple. that does not, however mean that azula could not have been negatively affected by her mother's actions. azula was not born evil. she's a traumatized teenage girl with NO support system. she was left alone with her monster of a father from a young age and had to internalize all her struggles to survive. of course she can't manage relationships, and doesn't have healthy coping mechanisms. she has been groomed into being at her father's every beck and call. ursa treating azula differently from zuko and making her feel unloved from a young age, whether it was intentional or not, definitely made these issues exceptionally worse. when you have no one around you who genuinely makes you feel loved, and when the one person in your family that should have made you feel loved leaves, you're going to turn to the only source of it you can find (ozai, in this case), even if it means you act poorly or put yourself/others at risk.

ursa's parenting left azula traumatized, and i genuinely do think the reason many of you cannot understand that ursa did, in fact, make many mistakes is either because you are looking at ursa through the biased perspective we got in the show, or because you simply have not been in these circumstances in the past. abusive households are toxic to everyone. just because one parent is abusing everyone in the household, does not mean the other parent can't inflict harm, either. that doesn't make them any less of a victim, but it doesn't negate the devastating lifelong effects their behavior will have on their children.

was ursa in a good position to be a good parent? no. her situation is absolutely heartbreaking and i wish she had gotten to live an easier life. it is completely reasonable for her to struggle with parenting properly. you can't expect someone to take the best care of their children when they're in a terrible situation. does that excuse the impact she had on azula? no! not at all. while it's important to acknowledge how ursa's abuse influenced her behavior, ursa was not a good mother to azula and that is an objective fact. how do you see azula's breakdown at the end of the show, or her breakdown in The Search, or her visions in Azula in the Spirit Temple, and still think there was no issue with ursa's parenting? no child with a healthy relationship with their parents grows up with these feelings, let alone starts HALLUCINATING their parent haunting them. i won't even go into ursa forgetting her children and having kiyi because i think it's just absolutely ludicrous and completely inexcusable.

so many of the arguments against azula are textbook victim blaming. yes, azula conquering the earth kingdom and trying to kill people on behalf of her father was WRONG. no one thinks it wasn't! however, EVERYONE that should have helped azula FAILED HER. she is a product of her horrendous environment, and not acknowledging this while you grant a character like zuko, who unlike azula had people around him to support him, the benefit of the doubt when he acts out negatively for the EXACT SAME REASON without hesitation speaks for itself. no one is saying azula is a good person. no one is saying azula should not have been held responsible for her actions. what we're saying is that she is a person, not some evil caricature you can use to express whatever internalized biases you have. she has depth and should be treated as such. she is not some bogeyman you can levy your most heinous accusations towards.

on that note, please stop calling azula anything on the lines of psychotic, psychopath, sociopath, etc. you are showing how ignorant you are on mental health issues when you use these terms in this context.