#and i went to message my friend on discord about the tweet and was like wow that was awesome

[ravenwolfie97]

im so fucking mad at my brain for making such convincing genshin dreams i was so sure that it was real and then i woke up ;;

[fiyasgideon]

With @elhnrt (Lena) opening her Patreon I would like to inform those who might not have seen my original call-out post (which you can find here) of the current situation going on between her and me, so that they may be more informed of her professionalism before giving her their money.

I do recommend for those who haven't seen the original post to go read it now, but the short story version is that I paid Lena for a commission back on August 4th, 2022, and she has since cut all communication with me since trying to contact her about it on October 24th, 2022.

WARNING: Just like with the original post, this post wasn't made to have people harass her, (and I discourage anyone from doing so) but simply to inform those who plan on doing business with her of her unprofessional behavior.

Click "Keep Reading" to see what has happened since.

As of today, June 3rd of 2023, I still haven't heard from her, despite my many attempts to get a response. Since creating the original post linked above I have tried 3 more times to contact her through DMs or Tumblr asks before I ultimately decided to block her Tumblr and Twitter for my own mental health, leaving my discord open to her for communication should she finally decide to reach out to me.

And right up until just over week ago I had been doing pretty well with trying to forget about this whole thing and moving on. But then someone who was aware of the situation between Lena and I contacted me. They told me that Lena was opening her Patreon and asked if I had heard back from her about my commission, of which I had not.

With advice from some friends I decided to try to contact Lena once more, in a more public way. I unblocked her and left a comment on her post that announced her Patreon, asking her once more about the commission. It has been 9 days since then and I still have not heard from her, despite her heavy activity on Twitter and her Patreon since my posting of that comment.

But, since she has not been active yet on Tumblr I decided to try one more time to have her reply to me. This was an option I had not wanted to try previously due to how public this attempt was, but I did not want to leave any chances for people to claim that maybe she never saw my messages. So I went to her Twitter and unblocked her before tagging her in a tweet asking about the commission again, and just over 24 hours later, and despite her active on Twitter, she still hasn't responded to me.

With this I have now been left with no more options in which to try and get her to respond to me in any way. So I, once again, am making a post to inform others so that something like this doesn't happen to them, as she clearly doesn't care about those who try to support her.

[weaponizedhorse]

Very curious to see that write-up, having only seen illuminautii's own video on the matter from her perspective

Dude I completely forgot to reply to Nunya about this also so thank you so so much for sending this ask!

@beardedmrbean

And oh shit if all you saw was iiluminaughtiis video I am here to inform you that basically everything she said was a lie. Strap in it's gonna get CRAZY

basically iilluminaughtii brought this entire situation on herself by trying to "call out" legal eagles editors on Twitter for "stealing/ copying" her style? And the style was a highlight effect? And a ripped paper effect? Which legal eagle has been using for like literal years. Like this is literally the examples she gave on Twitter

And Illuminaughtii legit just flew too close to the sun cause a TON of crazy shit has come out about her since she made that tweet

But it turns out Illuminati used to be in a group channel called sad milk with a bunch of other YouTubers One of them was the click and one of them was wonderstruck TV and after all this shit went down with the group channel she paid people to dig through The Clicks old videos from 10 to 14 years ago where he was saying no no words because he was 17 and learning English (he's swedish) she posted in this discord about the click saying retarded 10 years ago and when someone said "it was 10 years ago irrelevant" she went on to say how "disgusted" she was with this person for "excusing" 10 fucking year old videos?? Blair said "that word was never okay to use and was never in my vocabulary" good for you?? And apparently Blair says retard/ed in private anyway

Then she made an alt Twitter and alt Reddit account and on the Reddit account she made up conspiracy theories about why sad milk broke up then replied with her iiluminaughtii reddit account debunking her own post?? and then on Twitter she tweeted to the click, to anybody he's coworkers, with like that he shares a podcast with anyone, who is even been on the podcast anyone who has any sort of affiliation with Click saying "oh do you know your friend said the n word Did you know your friend sent the f slur etc" And I mean it was non-stop the click said in his video that he remembers this account and thought it was some random troll but it was Blair the whole time.

Illuminati deleted the doobie Smurfs Reddit account after this was found out but the Twitter is still up so you can actually go through the doobie shmirtz Twitter and see all the unhinged fucking shit she did.

In her video about Click she said that he basically allowed a pedo to stay in his discord for months knowingly. And it turns out as soon as this guy said he was a pedo the mods kick him out while Click was asleep cause time zones. Illuminaughtii in discord messages said she was proud of Click for how he handled the situation

That's not even counting what she did to wonderstruck TV The worst of which is in her quote unquote response video about everything that happened on Twitter she put out his would-be suicide note. For what fucking reason I have no idea and then she revealed that she called the cops on him even though he said he had already calmed down and talked to his therapist? It's it's fucking insane

I very much encourage watching clicks video

[mikuplushes]

in 2021, i made a post promoting the band set it off that i have since deleted, praising them for being kindhearted individuals who cared deeply about their fans without an ounce of toxic masculinity involved. so how the hell did they lose the core of their diehard fans in the past 2 years? as someone who would have done anything for them at some point in time, allow me to explain.

midnight era was set it off’s peak as a band. they had come back after their last album flopped a bit and were bigger than ever. they also won a fan power award from rock sound magazine, praising them for having such a dedicated fanbase. they’d already kicked sexual misconduct-ers out of their band and off of tours — they felt safe. and when the pandemic hit, this brought another golden era i was involved in — maxx and cody’s twitch era. i was a moderator for cody and i’m close friends with maxx’s former mods (and am dating one of them). with this, many of the band’s most diehard fans felt rewarded.

the beginning of the end started with maxx. maxx did not pay his emote artist, taking advantage of a minor who was just dazzled to do work for ✨maxx danziger✨ and when the artist eventually realized their error and asked for either payment or to take the emotes down, maxx took the emotes down. my partner also did free videos for maxx for a while, but eventually asked for an extremely low payment per video. when they realized how badly they were underselling themself, they asked for more or for the paid videos to be taken down, and maxx took down all of them.

the asking for payment was happening amidst it coming out that maxx had been cheating on his ex, lindsay, for almost the entirety of their relationship. maxx refused to reach out to anyone about it, including lindsay, and has not said a word to this day. it also came out that he had cheated on his current girlfriend, who has shown forgiveness.

this is when i started losing hope in the band. at first it was kind of funny seeing maxx look miserable in all of the promotional stuff coming out since their album elsewhere was releasing. it was funny thinking about how many of sio’s songs were about being cheated on and kind of infuriating at the same time. i hoped he would feel embarrassed every time he had to perform bad guy. but no. he was smug.

at some point in time maxx tried to start up his discord and twitch again after his previous mods left, but boy oh boy. anyone who tried to call out any of his actions or criticize him at all was banned from his server! i remember all i said was it was kind of pathetic of him to delete the mods’ very sweet goodbye message to the community, and i was banned just for that.

my own personal problems with cody aside (a whole other story), i started feeling truly bad about the band as a whole when they revealed their paid fanclub with exclusive content. things went exactly as it seemed they would — the club was overpriced and updated sparsely. it was, in short, a money-grab.

back in october, they released a few parody merch designs based on horror franchises, including a fnaf design made by an artist that did not give them permission to use the artwork. i don’t know what ended up happening to the artist/the merch design.

not long after the elections in november, cody made a really awful tweet. that’s when it was revealed that he was registered as a republican, and all of the remaining faith i had in the man shattered. sorry, this is the only screenshot i could find of it.

when he received backlash on the post, he doubled down on it. it’s pretty clear at this point he’s socially liberal and fiscally republican but it hurts to see him support such a harmful political view. he deleted his tweets but he hasn’t been back on twitter since. he also eventually took the republican view off of his facebook.

as if to double down on losing fans, sio announced a show with machine gun kelly, known for sexualizing minors, and then recently a tour with all time low, known abusers. the mgk show felt a bit “well, do they know?” at first, but all comments of concern were ignored. the tour with all time low being announced felt like a slap in the face. what happened to the band that cared about their fans more than anything else? what happened to that fan power award? this feels malicious. it feels like they’re alienating fans on purpose. they deleted comments calling atl abusers. i’m sure they took this tour for the money, and it hurts knowing they value that more than the safety of their fans.

in short, we can’t trust these guys anymore. they’re not here for their fans, they’re against them. so much for the fan power award!

[stanley578]

Speaking out

Back in September 2022, I went through a terrible experience in Discord. It was an interaction that I had with a talented artist from the NiGHTS fandom who turned out to be a shitty person. I happen to have screenshots of what transpired, though I obscured their username. Yes, Anthro Fanatic is my username in Discord.

The DMs took place after they kicked me out of their server after I posted replies to their messages in the venting channel. I sympathized with their situation and expressed my disdain towards their ableist manager.

As you can see, I was polite and civil towards them in the DMs, but this person went out of their way by berating me for a mistake that I already apologized for. It left me with a bad impression, so I blocked them as they came off as harsh, impatient, arrogant, and unforgiving. I also blocked other accounts that they have as I didn’t want to deal with people like them ever again.

Afterwards, they posted a series of tweets about our interaction and the way they described me blocking them is so absurd and disgusting. I underlined it in red.

After I explained what happened in a series of tweets (I also posted it here on Tumblr), one user replied, thinking it was too far for them to kick me out like that and feeling sorry for what I went through. I reached out to this user and they revealed they went through a similar experience with the shitty person. It made me feel a sense of relief that I wasn't the only one.

Then they offered me words of reassurance, saying I'll find much better people to chat with, things will get better, people who are genuine will be there for me, and I don't deserve such mistreatment. I've been friends with this user ever since.

Truth be told, I struggled with moving on from the horrible situation. This shitty person living in my head rent-free took a toll on my mental health. Time and time again, I couldn't stop being mad at them and venting about what happened. I’ve been doing a lot of healing for several months and right now, my experience in Discord has improved and is much better.

Looking at their art isn’t the same way as it was before. Instead of enjoying them, I get triggered and feel strongly negative emotions towards them. It’s for the sake of my mental health that I avoid looking at them.

While you may have the liberty to criticize this shitty person’s actions towards me, I’m not encouraging you to harass them. This is just me speaking out about my terrible experience with them. I appreciate you for taking the time to read this lengthy blog and may you have a great day.

[mercurial-thrills]

What The Social Dilemma Taught Me About Social Media Habits

Reposting this despite being a writing blog because I think it's still so important. Written before X changed its name.

I have never been one to use social media to a huge extent.

Maybe I played online games when I was younger, to an obsessive point. Maybe I looked on the computer often and obsessively watched videos of my interests on Youtube. I went on Wattpad often and other sites people would not consider "typical" social media. It's how I got my daily dose of social interaction and joy from my interests. 

In general, I have never been one to use social media in an intense way. It started at the same time as the pandemic, when the world brought more free time to the population of non-essential workers and students working from home.

I became more obsessed with it, not in the typical way of the amount of likes my tweets received. In a way where I would constantly look at what was being said about my favourite creators. I would watch people who criticized them as well as those who insulted them. I excessively checked certain Twitter accounts as well as forums criticizing people, which brought me temporary joy in the months of November and December. I wanted to get my happiness fix somehow.

Then, I watched The Social Dilemma in class. This documentary, probably put on by the teacher to convince us to use our phones less, changed my entire thoughts on social media and the role it should play in my life.

I remember talking to the teacher about my thoughts on the documentary, and the specifics of what my social media knows about me. As well, I explained how when I installed Pinterest onto my phone, it gave me recommendations for pins relating to blonde hair, blue eyes, brown hair, and green eyes. I

First and foremost, I learned I no longer wanted to socialize with others through social media. I already had ways to communicate with other people. Talking on the phone, texting, and using instant messaging platforms like Discord are some ways to stay connected to others without social media. In fact, they are preferable if a user does not want to reap the harmful effects of social media. 

Another aspect is how it made me recognize my role in this generation as being part of a statistic. The documentary, near the beginning, stated students were getting their driver's licenses at later dates. I take this with a grain of salt, as many avid social media users are getting their driver's license as soon as they can. I have reasons as to why I have not received a driver’s license, especially in this time of pandemic. However, it reminds me of the different milestones I may not meet as a teenager if I let my social media habits consume me. 

In the end, the documentary reminded me of how I needed to spend my time on social media sparingly. I saw the impacts it had on my life. I saw how it impacted my procrastination. Though any kind of blockages towards doing non-Internet activities do not end at the end of social media, it removes most distractions and I can manage the rest. 

The most important aspect of social media is to acknowledge what you require in life. As a student who has been taught how to interact with future employers on social media, I know it can be used for productive purposes. I know as a writer, it may be necessary to create a personal brand and promote your novel as a self-published author. 

It may be the sole place a young student can interact with their friends. They could use Twitter to find relevant information about certain topics. They could use Instagram to help support one of their friends who wants to gain a following on their Youtube channel. The documentary has specifically outlined ways to fight against the harm of social media. 

Overall, the best decision is to listen to different perspectives on social media. Some people may have statements to refute what I’ve said in this blog post. I believe social media can do more harm than good, but it has opened countless opportunities for people to promote their work and create a following for jobs and hobbies.

[talesfromasnarkylisa]

Lacey: Chapter 5

James: August 1st, 2023

Two days until the deadline and I still hadn’t finished the application yet. The questions really are weird. I wondered to myself if Corianna was right. 

What’s worse, though, is that I was completely stuck in writer’s block for everything. Articles, video scripts, even Tweets and Reddit posts. I had not updated in a few days on any of my socials besides retweets. While that wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t stuck in a sludge of no creativity, the last time I had writer’s block lasted for a month. I lost over a hundred followers from an initial two thousand then. Thank goodness I now have 30K on Medium and Vocal.

With seemingly no way out of my creative sterility and only a few days left, I contemplated giving up on applying. 

Maybe it just isn’t worth the hassle, I thought.

Part of me didn’t want to give up yet, but I definitely needed a break. I went onto Discord. None of my online friends or mutuals were online. So I checked out the official Music Refined server.

For a publication known for being insanely exclusive, the chat was rather chaotic. There were anime GIFs being plastered all over in the general chat and writers arguing about Machine Gun Kelly.

I messaged a simple “Hello” to the server. For a brief moment, everyone seemed to calm down. A few greeted me back.

Orion (08/01/23, 7:59 PM): Hello there!

Animemc (08/01/23, 7:59 PM): Hey there

Lacey Hannah (08/01/23, 8:00 PM): Hiiiiiiii, what’s up dude?

The last message startled me. I hadn’t seen that phrase since last summer. I’ve only ever heard it from one person: Augusta.

Augusta used to be my other best friend. At times, we were even closer than Darian and I. We only ever knew each other online, but she felt like family to me. I’d half-jokingly call her a sister sometimes.

Those days are long gone.

She wrote articles like me and also posted on TikTok. Also past tense. Augusta doesn’t go onto public social media anymore - assuming she told the truth. And honestly, it’s for the better.

While trying to calm down, I noticed Lacey’s avatar. It was a sullen dark skinned blonde Picrew with medium length hair and brown eyes. Photoshopped onto it was a dreamy filter - almost the exact same one Augusta used to use.

This can’t be Augusta, I thought. She’d never be so blatant with an alt account.

Still, I spent several minutes combing through Lacey’s socials and messages.

I started with her Twitter. The bolded name was Lacey Hannah, with the handle being the simple laceyhannah. Her bio went like this: She/they, writer and rambler. I unwind here. Lacey’s Tweets fell into four main categories. Generic cute animal memes, promoting her content, small talk designed to be #relatable, and pop punk. Not even only respectable pop punk like Paramore, Avril Lavigne or Fall Out Boy. Nope. She just had to go with Olivia Rodrigo fangirling on top of those. At least she seemed to like me, though. She retweeted a few posts of mine and followed me.

Next, I checked her YouTube. She had been trying to make it big in music there. Unfortunately, for her, there were quite a few things going against her. One, a low subscriber count of 43. Two, too many original songs and not enough covers to gain a fanbase first. Three, a singing voice that while good was hardly consistent video to video.

Finally, Medium. Unlike me, that was the only place she wrote long form. She didn’t post often. Her articles tended to center around pop music and rap, with a dash of actual rock here and there. Turned out, she wrote for Music Refined before. I read her article on a Sex Pistols song where she rips and tears into every detail. I may not have been into the band all that bunch, but she clearly didn’t know what she was talking about. Most damning was an article from 3 years prior where she confesses to having never heard a hard punk song in her life.

Returning to the Discord server, I scrolled through Lacey’s latest messages. She had only been in the server for a few days, but everyone liked her as a texter. They participated in her playful banter and replied to her meme posting. I both felt déja vu and didn’t. 

Stupid you, I thought to myself. If you can’t write, at least spend more time trying to eliminate your competition.

I checked the Music Refined server channel for editor questions. Sure enough, Lacey was also applying to the editing team. 

Lacey Hannah (07/30/23, 5:00 PM): For the questions which aren’t asterisked on the editor application form, do we still have to answer them?

Micah Turner (07/30/23, 5:06 PM): You can if you want to! There’s no requirement, but it’s a great way to show off your personality.

Lacey Hannah (07/30/23, 5:07 PM): Alright, thanks.

The time was 9:00 PM. Even though it was late, I felt rejuvenated. The motivation to finish up that damn application was back in store for me. There was no way I’d let Lacey take an editor position. Not when she was a sleazy sellout with no idea what true punk was. Sure, I didn’t know an awful lot either. But at least I wasn’t into juvenile wannabes like Lacey was.

I wasn’t just doing it for me either. Lacey was the pinnacle of everything wrong with beginner publications. Her articles were light and fun, yes, but they were just that: light and fun. And being light and fun shouldn’t be what cuts it in this sphere. Lots of people - like me - worked their asses off to get the engagement they dreamed of. It wouldn't be fair for Lacey to win.

(Wattpad version: ​​https://www.wattpad.com/1481611874-lacey-chapter-5)

[drag-me-kicking-and-screaming]

Adding on my experience with this, because op said we could lmao

One thing that's helped me leave these communities a lot easier is remembering that you are like. Allowed to lie. You are allowed to lie to these people if it means you can faster leave a community you don't want to be in, especially if it's toxic.

One way I personally implemented this was by telling everyone there that my mental health was doing bad, and that I'm taking a break from social media as a whole for a bit. Then I slowly started letting myself become more and more inactive there. First I unfollowed the tags on tumblr. I put all of the discord servers I was in for that community into a folder and put it near the bottom of my server list (where I put all the servers I'm inactive in) After a good while, i started quietly shadow blocking and unfollowing friends and moots from there. It was slow, it took multiple months to complete the process, especially because it was hard to leave behind all of those memories, but it worked.

If someone from there ever tried to reach out, for any reason, I'd tell them that my mental health was still down, or that I was busy, and that I couldn't talk now. I'd also try to purposefully wait a few days to respond to sell the 'hiatus' thing.

I went back and started deleting old posts, tweets, messages, etc, to prepare for when I fully left, so new people who I was trying to make friends with or connections with wouldn't see my old posts and think I was still a part of it. Then, I did it. I left.

I left all the servers without any message about it. I blocked everyone from that community that I knew. I changed my bio to explicitly say I was against that community. And I never looked back.

You can lie to them. If you can get out of a toxic situation by lying, then lie. YOU CAN LIE TO THEM.

Leaving A Community

[Leaving A Community]

Hello, my qualifications on this subject are that I’ve left five communities this way (one of which was extremely toxic). I get it if you don’t wanna go through with something such as nuking your online presence btw

-you can either ween off your posts or stop all together at once, regardless at some point you gotta stop posting

-What I did was log out of all my accounts to look less suspicious, but you can also delete everything. Regardless get away from the accounts connected to the community you want to leave.

-ok this part is a tad extreme, but I changed the names I use most. So I went from [redacted] -> Saint/Yves/whatever… also changed my main neopronouns (still use the old ones) and also everything else I made completely public���

-take a short (or long) break before re-joining if you choose to do so. Makes it a little less suspicious and also gives you time to think if you want to /should re-join. (<- discourse based community leaving)

-Don’t talk about your old blogs/accounts. (Optional)

TLDR: Nuke your shit and go into witness protection (/j)

(like always, feel free to add on to this post with any other tips and tricks lol)

[maeremiga]

Twitter and it's problems

yesterday i got into a small confrontation on twitter with someone. it's a decent bout of drama im not happy to revist as much as i think adds important background to my post so i'm going to dive into it.

i should start by saying that we ended things on a better note! and they even offered to retweet a post to apologize. they ended up rting a standardbred rescue center for me which is great because the horses are being slaughtered after their use and need to be rescued and all the pigdogs who put them to death after use is just- pointless. you can kill a pig for its meat and i guess it's something this society needs to work on (meat is bad when it comes from animals that aren't wild and being overkilled its a tricky line but it's something that's not stopping anytime soon) but horses aren't even known for their meat. they just fucking kill the majestic things and leave them to rot like rusty tools

that's getting sidetracked (though i would petition anyone to follow https://twitter.com/SRF_SOSS if you're on twitter), so getting back into it i should talk a little more about the concentration. it was with a twitter user who i was talking with on discord the nights prior where they posted and retweeted an orbiter of sorts who wanted to shagg their fursona and in a post relating to that i said i didn't like seeing that, though also wanted to clarify i did not hate them for that. i took it on the nose instead of as a joke because im a weird sentimental thing that takes things to their literal limit

a seperate user below asked who i was and i responded i was another user on twitter (this was my first mistake in terms of replying as this is an incredibly douchey thing, i've come to realize). i checked their profile real quick to find out who THEY were and in that endeavor i realized they were smack tweeting someone silently. further context i was able to gauge that was me and i tried to play fiddle by deleting the tweets above because even if i wasn't able to understand the offense i made, i like to deter confrontation (more into that in a bit). they told me to fuck myself after blocking me in the midst of elaborating my point in a second post thereafter. naturally i went into a bit of a bitchy mood and smack talked them back and also on the same discord the original twitter user was on until they revealed that A: the user that blocked me was that twitter users mutual, paired with B: the whole thing was a joke in fun. they even decided to meddle in my behalf and communicate with them further.

apparently the twitter users friend thought i was some sort of orbiter myself, what twitter users call a reply guy. the gist is that they assumed me to be replying to simp for her. a creepy person, which is ironic considering that's what my message really was in the beginning (a call about not liking creepy people openly wanting to fuck sfw twitter users in public chat), and to had have it taken as that i consider just as stressful as the initial block. it was a misunderstanding and me and the former blocker are on amicable terms now, this is not a hate post for anything but twitter communication. A rant about the state of twitter and people in it will ensue

fuck twitter. fuck the whole annuals of social media where you can say one thing and have not only the wrong message taken but excplicity the one you were reacting to in the first place - this isn't anyones fault particularly, it's just pattern recognition gone array. you can muster any split sections of dogshit text on your page and have it taken in a bad way. even after we made up the stress that was developed in the moment hid itself in my body and made it manifest itself again while i was trying to sleep in an awful, grungy situation. i dont know if it's an autistic trait specifically, but it's never fun holding in this moment and the worry that it might happen again

because it will. it sometimes does and you can't help it. it's a landscape being built with shit bulldozers and piss cranes. it's centered around a culture of creepy weirdos who have you think on your feet and quickly deter any source of phrasing or odd behavior that MIGHT be from one of them because we made it justified to do this - this is needed conduct. the level of deranged follower worship, pedophiles, sleeper racists, abusers and transphobes are at a high ever since the Mule took over twitter and unshackled the bonds that kept users from becoming even worse psychomaniacs for 44 bil.

sooner or later you have to have this standard if you want to play the game that is social media ofc but twitter affluence after deciding to deliberately become worse and cradle a multiplad community of people it doesn't need (see above, pedos, racists etc.) is an aggressively unsettled prospect for anyone on the site who wants to interact normally. normally has been shred to pieces. normal is nothing in the lair of serpents and blood eyed apes. there will be a time someone dms another person saying they like someones style and it will undoubtably be seen as a calling card from a potential stalker and you won't even know where the line is.

with the essence of all the problems in the world im not upset someone had the wrong idea of me, but i am upset why they HAD to have had the wrong idea. it's not even particularly different to what i'd do on a hunch (and have!) for other posters on different threads with different situations. it's difficult to conserve yourself and work with first impressions because taking the wrong first impression and rolling with it doesn't pan out well in the worst scenarios if they're the weirdo creepo you think they might be and if they are why on gods green earth would you give that dipshit an inch to work with?

situations are in a low vacuum. we need to burn twitter to the ground and replace it with something or just replace the vacuum with smaller sized social media sites where the expectation of being seen and seeing others in a pre-negative light isn't the go to structure because hedonistic and hate scorned ants crawled up in the cracks of the pillar of its website and wont go. we need a better system man. fuck,

[ehronlime]

Ghost Games

(Disclaimer: This is a reworking of an old Twitter thread of mine)

What are your favourite games that only exist as a set of tweets or a screenshot of the notes app?

Or just a PDF download of a Google Doc in your "rpgs" folder with no identifying information that you have no idea how you got in the first place?

Or two long messages in Discord and you have no idea what the designer is up to now since they left all social media?

Or a friend showed you in their notebook once but they said it wasn't ready even though it seemed amazing and now they don't play games much anymore and just give an embarrassed chuckle when you tentatively inquire about the game they were working on?

What's your favourite deleted itch game?

Favourite dead blogs that you still have some pages of rules and game bits saved to your bookmarks?

I've been thinking about the ephemeral nature of games and game texts. Back in August 2021, I was asking around about a game PDF I had saved of a Google Doc I probably found on Reddit or some other forum (I still haven't found out where I got it from!). More than I year ago now, I went to share a link to an itch game page and discovered it was gone.

I think about how a bunch of lyric games that hit me aren't on any kind of "stable" platform like itch.io and are kinda hard to find now. I think about threads of "old treasures" from the early days of tabletop RPG zines, games that weren't digitized, one-off convention games, games that were put online but not in any way that's captured by our current platforms. I think of all the games from early eras that didn't get preserved because they weren't "notable" or made by "notable" people or quoted as inspirations by other "notable" games. I think of how archaeology can only see that which was "valued" to preserve.

I think of how many games that I and my current cohort of designers have made, entries for numerous game jams, that will be thought of in 1, 2, 5, 10 years time.

I was also thinking about game design and the act of playing games as necromancy. Since you can't get other people to re-play or re-experience a game session you had exactly, all you can do is give them some tools to maybe try and re-conjure, resurrect, a similar game.

Games die all the time.

I don't think my answer to this ephemeral nature of games and art productions is just to push for more archiving and permanence (lol sorry archivists and historians), though yeah let's try to do that too. I'm kinda okay that some things get to die and be lost. Their body gone, but their memory and mark on us persevering.

One thing that I keep coming back to is (I think) Brendan Keogh's thoughts on if we want to treat games as art rather than just products, we have to allow for games to be the equivalent of a drawing stuck on a fridge, or a poem written in a greeting card. That feels true to me. That some games can just be for a certain person, time, place.

I want more people to see gamemaking as a practice and art that they can engage with on whatever terms they choose, not just whatever terms "the market dictates". To make games with no thought whether they would be "notable" or remembered. To make games for the sake of having this thing exist, bursting and fading like a firework.

If that comes with the cost of ghosts of games littering our spaces, then so be it.

[withcolebrock]

Lovely

Corpse Husband x fem reader

Summary: Y/N surprises Corpse on his birthday

Warnings: a few swear words

Word count: 1,818

Author’s Note: happy early birthday Corpsey!! I thought about writing a birthday fic and this is what I cam up with, I hope you guys enjoy it. Also please tell me I’m not the only person that remembers Mario Super Sluggers, one of the best Mario games and I stand by that, that’s all. 

~~~

Corpse was never big on birthdays. He hated the attention it brought on him, he hated the idea of celebrating himself like that. He stopped recognizing his birthday when he was fifteen. Never acknowledge the day as something special. Until he met Y/N. Three years ago he met Y/N through social media and she was the first person he felt comfortable enough to show his face to.

The two were never romantically involved, per say, but they definitely had romantic feelings for each other. Their friends were big on teasing them about their feelings for each other, Felix and Sean always had a field day with this. Their friend group thought it was peak comedy. Even Corpse would admit that it was hilarious listening to Sean try to impersonate his voice.

Y/N and Corpse first met on his birthday, he invited her to come over and hang out. She happily accepted the offer. Ever since then Corpse has started to look forward to his birthday because he knew they would spend all day together. He knew he would be happy and smiling the whole day because of her.

He was laying in bed watching one of Dream’s Manhunts. He lifted his phone from his side table to begin to scroll through Twitter. It was the same old tweets and not a lot of tweets from his friends, quite boring. He reached to place it down when he saw a phone call from Y/N. His pinked lips curled up softly as he spent a few seconds admiring the photo of her in his merch hoodie that he took.

“Y/N, Hey,” he said while putting the phone on speaker. He cleared his throat while he rested the phone on his chest.

“I’m so sorry, Corpse,” she whispered, a small whimper left her lips. Corpse furrowed his eyebrows as he adjusted the pillow under his head.

“What’s wrong, Hun?” he asked.

“I can’t make it tomorrow, my car won’t start and my brother came to look at it and it looks like I need a new battery and possibly an alternator, I’m so sorry Corpse, I really wanted to see you,”

Corpse let her finish talking while he felt his heart sink at her words. She was all he was looking forward to seeing for weeks. He spent a few days cleaning his apartment, making it spotless. He went out to the store to buy her favorite alcohol and other snacks. “It’s fi-Don’t worry about it, it’s okay,” he whispered. He tapped his finger against his laptop while clenching his jaw.

“We will still celebrate your birthday, I promise, we will still have a good day, okay?” she offered.

“Yeah, of course, it’ll still be good. Yeah, we can-yeah we can do something over discord,” he explained while he tossed his computer to the other side of his bed as he slowly pushed himself off the bed.

“Are you mad?” she asked, her voice was barely audible.

“No of course not, it’s something out of your control, it’s okay I promise,” he responded while he left his bedroom. His gaze looked all over his freshly cleaned apartment, that never looks this nice and put together, “I was just excited to see you is all,” the words fell from his lips without realizing. His eyes widened as she was silent on her end of the phone.

“I was excited too,” she whispered. After a few more minutes they ended their phone call with a quick shared goodbye. He rested his phone down on the counter as he continued to frustratingly clench his jaw. His gaze shifted towards the bottle of Vodka in the corner of his kitchen. He sighed while he reached for it and quickly untwisted it. He brought it to his lips and took a quick sip of it. He cringed as he set the bottle down on the counter while twisting the lid back on.

“How does she like this shit,” he muttered as he shook his head again at the after taste. He walked towards his bathroom, while dropping his head slightly.  He rested his phone and his watch down onto the bathroom counter. He looked into the mirror briefly before shifting his gaze back towards his feet. He started to take off his clothes to get into the shower and to try and rush the end of the day. He wanted to try and sleep to get Y/N off of his mind.

~~~

He was surprised when he woke up when he realized he did in fact fall asleep for a while. It was late past nine o’clock when he reached for his phone on his side table. He opened Twitter to see hundreds of thousands of birthday tweets from fans. His face softens as his lips curled up into a smile.

Over the years his fans would tell him happy birthday, over social media but this year felt different. The constant messages rolling through slowly started forming tears into his eyes. The amount of endless love he always received from his fans always made him feel better and slightly more secure than last time. His eyes filled with more tears as he saw his friends tweet sweet little birthday messages. A few tears slipped his eyes as he began to reply to their tweets and private messages.

He raised his hand as he wiped his eyes. He shook his head as she slowly stood up from his bed while he kept his phone in his hand. The birthday messages and wishes were a quick and short distraction from the one person he wanted to see. The one person who made him excited for his birthday again. He sighed as he opened his fridge, taking a bottle of water.

The silence in his apartment was heartbreaking, despite the love and appreciation he felt from his fans and his friends, he was still alone. He never wanted to remember the feeling of being alone on his birthday again. He loved the joy and love he felt from Y/N when she would spent the day with him. He wiped his eye as he rested his phone beside his bottle of water when it started to ring. He quickly cleared his throat as he answered the phone.

“Open the door,” she spoke. Corpse’s eyebrows furrowed as he stood silently while he waited for her to elaborate, “Open the door, please,” she continued. He chuckled nervously as he kept the phone to his ear as he wandered towards the door. He looked through the peep hole to see Y/N standing holding a small cake. He chuckled as he pulled the door open. She smiled widely when she saw him. His smile was as wide as it could go as he was at a loss for words. His body was tense as he looked deeply into her eyes. “Happy birthday,” she whispered as she stared towards him. Corpse slowly brought his phone down into his hoodie pocket as he reached out for the cake.

“I thought you couldn’t come,” he said as he walked towards the kitchen. She placed her phone into her jean pocket as she kept her gaze on Corpse.

“Suprise?” she let out while she ran her fingers through her hair. He chuckled as he turned to face her. He leaned his body against the counter while he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Come here,” he said, barely audible. She rushed towards him delicately wrapping her arms around him as he slowly did the same. He took a long deep breath as he ran his hand slowly up and down her back. His eyes shut as he fought off the tears of joy filling his eyes. He sniffed, as she pulled away from him.

‘Are you okay?” she asked as she stood in front of him, anxiously playing with her sleeves. He nodded as he chewed at his bottom lip.

“I’m just happy you’re here is all,”

~~~

They sat together with a half eaten chocolate cake with a half a bottle of wine, with Mario Super Sluggers on the TV screen. She leane her head back laughing as she watched Corpse try and get Bowser to get to first base. “Come on, come on, come on, Oh fuck that!” he yelled through a few chuckles. Y/N gets Diddy Kong to get Bowser out. “Oh come on Bowser you’re supposed to be all strong and shit what is this bullshit,” he complained while he sat back down on the couch. She leaned her head back as she began laughing hysterically.

“I think it’s just you, Hun, this aint got nothing to do with Bowser,” she explained. He shook his head while laughing.

“I am so good at this game, it’s definitely Bowser for sure,” he continued. They played the game for a few more rounds, there was tons of trash talk and laughter shared. A full bottle of wine and a few vodka sodas later they were both drunk and still making their way through the cake sitting on the coffee table.

“I’m so glad you came, honestly would’ve been a shit day without you,” Corpse said as he took another fork full of cake and he slowly brought it to his lips.

“It’s been a great day, it’s always a great day with you, Lovely,” she turned her head towards him. He tilted his head to meet her gaze. A small chuckle leaves his lips as he stares into her eyes, admiring the color. “Why are you laughing?” she chuckled as she spoke quietly. He shook his head as he pressed his lips together.

“That’s a new nickname,” he whispered. She furrowed her eyebrows as she tilted her head back slightly, “Lovely,” he hummed before leaning slightly closer to her, “I like that one.”

“I’ll start using it more then,” she said while she turned her head away from him briefly, “Lovely.” He smiled widely as he rolled his eyes playfully. He lifted his hand and wiped his hair away from his eyes as he reached into his pocket for his phone. He opened his camera. “What are you doing?”

“Smile,” he said while he held the camera facing her. She furrowed her eyebrows and laughed nervously. She smiled towards Coprse. He took a few of the photos and held his phone up as he looked towards her through the phone. He admired her smile, the way her nose scrunched up slightly when she did. He slowly lowered his phone as he kept his gaze towards her.

“What,” she let out nervously, her lips still curled upwards. He shook  his head as he reluctantly shifted his gaze back to his phone. He went to Twitter and picked his favorite one. He captioned the photo, Great Birthday with my Lovely :).

He drunkenly posted without thinking about the repercussions that would’ve occurred.

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n tommy tubbo jack and ranboo - how y/n made friends with everyone

this is an extra to the great adventures series

requested: yes/no

warnings: cursing

tommy

you were actually friends with tommy when he was streaming to a few viewers, and you even watched as his channel grew. eventually he asked you to mod for him, as he knew he could trust you and because had experience being a twitch mod. he was also the reason you began streaming. as for how you met, you were in the same classes as him in highschool, and since you were the ‘quiet’ person in the class, they sat tommy next to you. honestly, you hated him when you first met him and the feeling was mutual. you didn’t want to sit next to the rather loud teenager and he had no one to talk to anymore as his friends were on the other side of the room.

“do you ever talk?”

“heh?”

“i said do you ever talk...do you always do that”

“do what”

“that fucking HeH.”

“are you mocking me simons?”

“noooo why would i do that...”

“it’s y/n.”

“right, yeah, yeah, i totally knew that.”

“great now please leave me alone i’m trying to work.”

“loser.”

“the fuck did you just say?”

“nothing.”

it was that moment tommy decided he was going to make you just like him, and a few years later that’s exactly what he did. by year 11 you and tommy had grown extremely close. the last day of school arrived a lot earlier than expected, everyone was extremely stressed, no one knew what to expect or what was going to happen. you found yourself hanging around with tommy a lot more as you had no idea if you would both be going to the same college, in september you received a text message that made your night:

tommy: college sent out emails telling you if you were accepted go check

*2 minutes later*

tommy: well?

y/n: i got accepted

tommy: me too

y/n: call me right now

tommy: i’m about to stream..have you ever considered streaming?

y/n: absolutely not

tommy: make an account and stream after me i’ll raid you..make me mod you know how people can be

once college started up, you were slightly nervous the two of you would drift away from each other. however this was far from the case, although you both did different subjects and he was only in on wednesdays, the pair of you would hang out together a lot more. he would be in your streams and vice versa, you would either be in his tiktoks, or you would be the one filming them.

“y/n make a tiktok we can be mutuals.”

“please god no.”

you spent so much time at his house either talking about random things, playing whatever game you could find, or streaming. he dragged you to every meet up he went on, allowing you to meet people such as niki, phil, and, wilbur. you didn’t know this, but he would constantly bring you up in conversations with dream, which eventually lead to you joining the smp in october where you would later be able to meet the likes of jack, technoblade and jschlatt. the only person you didn’t seem to see on the server was his other friend tubbo.

ranboo

you had become friends with scott after being his first twitch mod and when he noticed you started streaming, he was extremely supportive, always raiding your stream once he ended his. today you found yourself bickering with scott because he wouldn’t let you in mcc despite the fact you were ‘the best minecraft player.’

“y/n, i watched you die in minecraft 7 times last night within 5 minutes.”

“oh i’m sorry mr perfect, let me in mcc.”

“no.”

“fine i’ll make my own.”

and that’s exactly what you did..well you tried your best.

you started your stream as soon as scott ended and had him call you on discord after explaining to your chat what you were about to do.

“scott final chance let me in mcc, i’ll settle for access to the practice server.”

“fine.”

“REALLY?!”

“absolutely not!”

“fuck you, ill be in it one day!”

you left the call telling chat you didn’t need that negative energy in your life.

you really have scott to thank for you making friends with ranboo, scott made a tweet explaining what you were doing on stream which caught ranboos eye.

Smajor1995: after not making it into mcc again my good friend @y/n has decided to take it upon themselves to make their own on stream!! ill also be in the stream (if they answer my calls) *twitch link*

ranboo joined your stream and was instantly met with you yelling at scott (again) to let you in mcc.

“IM YOUR TWITCH MOD!”

“i will ban you from mcc!”

“you don’t have the nerve... so he left the call this is bullshit watch me land this water bucket clutch down this ravine so we can find axolotls and build an army.”

*you died*

you pulled your hood over your face before sinking down your chair taking a deep breath.

“FUCK!”

you calmly got back up and looked into your camera.

“i was so close, so very close.. HEY CHAT SCOTT SENT ME A LINK TO THE SERVER!”

a few minutes later you were able to get onto the server, only to be kicked less than a minute later. the reason you were banned being ‘i watched you fail the water bucket clutch down a ravine.’

you continued your build on your server and just spent the rest of the stream talking about anything that crossed your mind, that was until you decided to copy ace race. once finished, you looked into your camera and pulled your microphone closer to you.

“so this is race ace, so scott doesn’t sue me, and basically it’s going to be this course, but i’m going to change a random section practice it every day, not tell anyone it changed. of course i’m going to tell my team we have to win, oh fuck i forgot scott was watching my stream..it’s okay he didn’t hear me he’s too busy planning how he can rig the next mcc.”

ranboo found himself enjoying your content and even noticed you in his chat multiple times.

“just a minute chat i’m just sending an important dm to my mods.”

that’s when you noticed chat paused for a minute after you sent a message, it confused you for a minute before realising ranboo made you a vip on his channel and you decided to do the same for him on your channel, from there you added each other on discord. the pair of you made friends extremely quickly, you were constantly part of his streams as you would call him on discord not realising that he was streaming.

“hi y/n, by the way i’m streaming”

“i just wanted to ask if you knew how to break into a house?”

“....why”

“i locked myself out by accident and my parents are asleep come help me.”

“you are in the uk.”

“okay? catch a flight.”

chat honestly loved you and your friendship with ranboo. the pair of you only met a few weeks ago and you were already acting as though you had known each other for years.

jack

you and jack met for the first time on the smp, which would have been fine, however you met during lore and your characters weren’t exactly the best of friends. once lore had ended, everyone said their goodbyes and left the call. a few moments later you received a discord message from jack asking if you were available to call any time soon. since you were back in lockdown, you had plenty of free time. you arranged a time and date a few days later you called jack, where you had your first proper interaction out of character.

“hello jack!!”

“oh hi y/n i just thought it may be a good idea to get to know each other, well you know considering we’re both on the dream smp.”

“yeah, yeah, i understand what you mean.”

the pair of you ended up getting along with each other, it was slightly awkward for the first 5 minutes of the call, but that was expected since you hadn’t really met jack before and were anxious to call him. however, after that the conversation started to flow and you found out the pair of you had a lot in common making it easy to come up with things to talk about. it ended up feeling as though you were catching up with a friend you hadn’t spoken to for a while.

“has anyone told you your accent is really strong.”

“so is yours, y/n, what the fuck is that supposed to mean.”

“it means your accent is strong, duh.”

jack asked if you’d like to stay in call and join him on the smp whilst he streamed, and you gladly accepted the offer as you really didn’t want to do your college work, and you were enjoying your time with him. a few minutes into the stream jack had killed you several times.

“JACK STOP KILLING ME!”

rather than answering you he just sat laughing. he then went on to attempt to mute him microphone, he failed. however he didn’t realise this, so you sat listening to his plan on how he was going to kill you again. this time you were prepared, you sent a message to tommy telling him to log on along with your location. few minutes later tommy was by your side and helped you kill jack several times for revenge.

“Y/N...TOMMY!!”

“you didn’t mute your mic, so i told tommy you were bullying me.”

“im gonna go...BYE JACK, BYE Y/N, ILL SEE YOU SOON!”

“i can’t believe you.”

“hey you’re the one who didn’t turn your mic off.”

“how did you know?”

“i had your stream on my other monitor.”

“ayeee you watch my streams?”

“...i’ve been a sub for 4 months.”

the two of you stayed chatting and playing for another hour. the pair of you were already so close and you had only met each other the other day. this was just the start of your friendship, soon enough you were in a laugh and the stream ends challenge on his stream, however due to lockdown rules this was done over discord leading to you accidentally leaving the call several times.

“and they’re gone again!”

*4 minutes later*

“SORRY JACK IM BACK!”

“stop leaving y/n!”

“oh i’m sorry, let me just go yell at my wifi to stop cutting out!”

a few seconds later you could be heard faintly in the background screaming at your wifi as it would continue to buffer. as soon as restrictions were over one of the first things you decided to do was go to jacks and stream a laugh you lose where there was a punishment if you were responsible for losing the last heart. however everything was apparently hilarious in person as you would constantly laugh, meaning you were responsible for losing the last heart.

“y/n give me your phone.”

“no.”

“you lost let me tweet from your account”

“fine..”

soon enough your fans and friends with your notifications on received this twitter notification

“y/n: jack is so cool and funny he is also really tall i am not”

tubbo

tubbo was actually the last person you met and made friends with, your community were convinced for some reason that you both didn’t like each other and that’s why the pair of you didn’t talk to each other. this was far from the case you were both waiting for the right time, tubbo was an extremely busy teenager and you didn’t want to interrupt him, and tubbo knew you were currently in a stressful position since you had recently joined the dream smp, also you were still meeting people so he didn’t want to stress you out. this doesn’t mean he didn’t want to be your friend, he actually asked tommy since he had been your friend for at least 4 years what would be the best way of getting to know you.

“mate they hated me when we first met, just talk to them or something. you could have met them the last time i went up to visit you, but they ended up not feeling too good and went back to the hotel room.”

“when are you next coming up?”

“how about next week, and i’ll bring y/n, i really don’t understand why you’re nervous tubbo, it’s y/n they wouldn’t hurt a fly..well hmm.”

“see you next week then!”

a week later tommy dragged you to the train station.

“uh tommy where are we going?”

“...on a train.”

“no way, really? oh my god!”

a few hours later you finally got off the train.

“ill go with my dad to check into the hotel room, do you want to come with us or?”

“i think i’ll go for a walk and stretch my legs.”

“right okay, meet you at the beach later”

you spent a few minutes walking around the beach picking up any rocks and shells that caught your eye, little did you know it would result in you meeting tubbo. once you finished putting your new collection in your pockets you noticed a small crowd of people walk up to someone asking for pictures assuming it was tommy you walked over to the boy, it wasn’t tommy it was in fact tubbo. at first you stayed silent not wanting to really cause attention to yourself. you only spoke up when some people started to make inappropriate comments towards him.

“oh sorry to be a pain guys me and tubbo have plans with tommy in a few minutes, we should go so we’re not late. bye guys.”

you smiled and waved as they walked away. you looked over to tubbo, you could tell he was still pretty anxious about what just happened and honestly if you was in his position, you would react the same way.

“we should probably move from here incase they come back and see you’re still here, are you okay?”

“im feeling better now it’s over..thank you”

“oh it’s no problem i’m, y/n btw.”

“wait you and tommy were still meant to be on the train.”

“the train was actually on time, tommy went to check into the hotel i wanted to stretch my legs, i also wanted to collect some rocks.”

“did you collect enough or did you want more?”

“im not going to say no if you wanna go collect some with me.”

the pair of you walked around keeping each other close incase the people from before returned. half an hour later, the pair of you sat on a bench close to the beach so you could show tubbo everything you decided to pick up, he ended up keeping a rock he liked to have as a memory. tubbo wrapped an arm around you as it was getting cold whilst you watched the sunset.

“tubbo i think tommy forgot about me.”

“you can spend the night at mine, i’ll send him a message to let him know.”

“are you sure?”

“of course!”

“this has to be the most unsafe thing either of us will ever do, we hardly know each other and now i’m staying at yours.”

tommy sent you a message explaining that he didn’t forget, there was a problem at the other hotel and they had to go find another one, but you’ll be fine to stay at tubbos for the night. the pair of you spent the entire night learning as much as you can about the other person. it had only been an evening but you already knew the pair of you would be great friends.

taglist:

@dumb-chaotic-bi-energy @uselesssapphickitten @l0ver0fj0y @etheriaaly @xx-smiley-xx @hawarun @kylobensgirl @cawcaw-pretty-thing @reverse-iak @renleicrashed @c1loudee

[whiteqnn]

PURE [4] - Corpse Husband x Fem! Reader

A/N: I’m back. Shout-out to my sister @mojajasnoscmrokirozproszy , who encouraged me into finishing this part.

part 1 

part 2 

part 3 

part 5

PURE [4] 

Corpse was confused, to say the least. He stared at the screen with his brows furrowed, not exactly understanding what just happened, or what caused Y/N to leave so suddenly. He thought they were all having fun, or at least that’s the impression Y/N gave while interacting with other players. 

Was she just pretending she’d had fun when in reality, she didn’t want to spend time with them? 

He knew it was none of his business. They didn’t even know each other, outside of these two short games they’ve both been part of. But Corpse was quick to get attached to new people, and Y/N’s sweet voice, her innocent demeanor, and pure personality made him instantly like her... 

Perhaps it wasn’t exactly a good thing that he felt so worried when she left, given the fact that two of them have spoken maybe for a few minutes since they met each other. But Corpse couldn’t help it, and certainly couldn’t stop this weird feeling that something was wrong and that he needed to make sure that Y/N was okay. After all, he was the only one who knew that she left. Except for his audience, of course. 

So the moment her white little astronaut suddenly disappeared, Corpse went on a killing spree. He didn’t even care about that whole finish my lyrics thing he decided to terrorize his friends with, he just wanted to finish this game and check on Y/N. It was obvious that she wasn’t telling the truth. Even though it looked like she was trying really hard to contain her emotions, he could still hear her quavering voice. It was too hard to hide, and he knew it firsthand. That’s why he made it his point to at least check on her.  

“Jesus Corpse, you just went full berserk on us...” Felix murmured when the last person was killed, and Corpse could see a sign victory on his screen. It didn’t make him smile though, not how it usually would. 

“It was great though! Let’s do it again, but maybe on the other map?” Sykkuno suggested, clearly very excited about this hide and seek game they’ve come up with. 

“Sure, let’s get the first one maybe?”

“Actually, would you guys mind if we had a little break?” Corpse asked before they could start another game. “We’ve been playing for a little while now...”

“Ah, yeah! Bathroom break!” came Rae’s response, followed by a few hums of approval. Corpse sighed in relief. He was afraid his worried voice would draw the attention of other players, but they didn’t seem to notice it. 

“All right, is ten minutes good?” asked Sean, and when everyone agreed, Corpse excused himself from his audience and muted his mic. He grabbed his phone and unlocked it, only to be hit by a sudden realization.

He didn’t even have Y/N’s number. 

“Fuck...” he cursed quietly under his breath, running a hand through his hair. How the fuck was he supposed to check on her? He couldn’t use discord, he was still streaming after all... Maybe Twitter would work? Nah, she probably wouldn’t even notice his messages. What was left then?

Of course. 

Sean.

Corpse didn’t even think about any explanation as he quickly typed in a message to the said man, asking if he had Y/N’s number. The response came almost immediately. 

“Yeah, I have. Why?” 

Okay, now what? He couldn’t just tell him what happened. Corpse knew that Sean and Y/N were close, but he felt like it wouldn’t be fair towards the girl if he told Sean what happened. Maybe she didn’t want anyone to know... Maybe she didn’t want to speak to anyone. 

Him included. 

But Corpse felt as if he had to do it because that was something he wished someone would do for him if the roles were reversed. To at least show that he cared, that she wasn’t alone with whatever it was that bothered her... 

Was he being intrusive, for wanting to make sure that everything was okay? And what if she was totally fine and he’d just end up making a complete fool out of himself?

“Not that I haven’t already made a fool out of myself...” he mumbled under his breath, his fingers quickly typing the response to Sean. However, before he could finish it, the said man’s name appeared on his screen with an upcoming call. 

It was so unexpected that Corpse almost dropped the phone.

“Um, hey man” he said after picking up, his hands trembling as he tried to come up with some good explanation as to why exactly he needed Y/N’s number. “Look I-”

“Does this have something to do with her disappearance?” Sean cut him off, leaving Corpse with his mouth hung open, utterly shocked.  

“I um- no. I just wanted to call her and... cause I don’t have her number...”

“Corpse, I heard what she had told you...” Sean sighed into the phone “I was flying around you after you murdered me.”

“I...” Corpse tried once again and again found himself at the loss of words. His brows furrowed suddenly as he realized something “Wait- are you still streaming?” 

“I left for a moment to grab something to drink and call Y/N. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t say anything on the stream.” 

Corpse sighed in relief. If Sean managed to somehow play it off, then his fans maybe haven’t figured out what was going on. He didn’t want them to attack Y/N’s social media with tons of questions she obviously wouldn’t answer. 

“Do you know what happened?” Corpse asked quietly, hoping that maybe Sean knew something more that would ease his nerves. He hoped that it wasn’t anything serious, that maybe Y/N just had a bad day. “She left so suddenly and I got a little worried...” 

For a moment there was silence between the two of them, Corpse impatiently awaiting an answer and Sean thinking about the right words... or wondering whether he should tell him the reason for Y/N’s disappearance in the first place. 

“It’s- ugh.” Sean groaned, before letting out a heavy sigh “It stays between us, all right? I don’t want others to start texting her out of nowhere, asking if she’s okay. She would probably kill me.”

“Yeah, absolutely” Corpse nodded his head rapidly, even though Sean couldn’t see him. 

“Okay... So I don’t know the exact reason of her disappearance...” he began, and Corpse felt his heart sink in disappointment. “But I have some suspicion.”

“Can you be a little more specific, Sean? We don’t have much time before the next game...” Corpse didn’t want to sound rude but he was slowly growing impatient, and even more nervous when he still wasn’t able to check on Y/N and make sure that she’s okay.

“She received lots of hate after our last stream.” Sean finally explained, although his voice sounded quite reluctant. “And when I say lots, I mean lots, Corpse.”

“What?” Corpse grunted, his brows knitted together in confusion “What do you mean?”

“Oh you know, man... Comments on Twitter, on her Instagram, even under her latest video...” Sean let out an exasperated sigh “Apparently, some people are not happy that she’s playing with us.”

“Why?” Corpse managed to utter, completely shocked at the news. For some reason, it was the last thing he expected Sean to say. It didn’t even cross his mind that someone as sweet and polite as Y/N might have to deal with this kind of issue. 

She was always so kind, why would anyone hate on her? 

“You know how some people act online...” Sean murmured, his voice clearly gloomy, as opposed to his usual cheerful tone. “They think she shouldn’t be playing with us cause she’s not popular enough. Some consider her annoying, not funny enough, and so on...”

“What does popularity have to do with who we’re playing with?” Corpse almost growled these words, feeling anger slowly bubbling up in his stomach. He couldn’t comprehend why anyone would act this way towards Y/N, towards this little angel as Sean put it last time they played, towards this sweet, innocent girl, his partner in crime... 

“That’s what I told her before the stream” Sean explained with a sigh “And that she shouldn’t worry about what strangers think of her... but it’s easier said than done.” 

“You think she received another text or something?”

“I don’t know man” Sean sighed “I tried calling her like ten times already and she didn’t answer. It’s not like her to leave so suddenly, without saying goodbye. I’m worried something happened...” 

Corpse clenched his jaw, closing his eyes for a second. If Y/N didn’t answer Sean’s calls, why would she answer his? They barely knew each other, while Sean was her best friend.  

“Maybe... I’ll try calling her?” Corpse suggested anyway, his voice low and almost shy. He figured it was worth at least a try. 

Sean was quiet for a moment as if contemplating what to do. They were already running out of time, and Corpse didn’t know what to do. On one hand, he didn’t want to end the stream and leave his fans, he felt bad at the thought alone of disappearing so soon and disappointing them... But on the other, he couldn’t just leave Y/N like that. Especially, since as Sean explained, it wasn’t like her to act this way. It only proved that whatever happened was rather serious.

“Y’know what?” Sean suddenly said “I’ll give you her number, maybe she’ll pick up from you.”

“Thank you, Sean” Corpse said quietly, ready to end the call, only to be stopped by Sean’s words. 

“Look... I know I shouldn’t be asking you to do it, but... could you maybe try talking some sense into her?” he asked, clearly uncomfortable with this request “I feel like you’d be able to calm her down...”

“I...” Corpse stuttered, running a hand through his hair “I’ll try, okay? I’m not sure if she’ll want to talk about it though, I’m basically a stranger, so...”

“Corpse, she agreed to join us only after reading your last tweet.” 

Oh. 

His heart fluttered with something that didn’t seem like growing panic. And even though his face was expressing his worry, his lip corners formed a small, bashful smile. And whether he liked it or not, his cheeks turned completely red.

“I’ll... I’ll see what I can do” he managed to reply, before ending the call. 

Corpse ran a hand through his locks and down his face, releasing a heavy breath he didn’t know he was holding. He considered getting Y/N’s number a difficult task which, however, turned out to be the easiest one. Now came the real challenge. Calling her. 

For a moment, he just stared at the screen of his phone, scanning the new message from Sean, which consisted of Y/N’s phone number. It looked as if he was memorizing the number when in reality, he just felt panic overtaking his body and complete chaos in his mind. 

Let’s say she picks up the phone, and then what? Should he just say hi? Introduce himself? 

“Hi it’s me, the guy you basically don’t know and who became paranoid after you disappeared from the game” 

 Yeah, sure. Perfect introduction for the pep talk he was supposed to deliver. 

Why was it always that he acted almost as if on instinct one second, only to start having second thoughts a moment later. He couldn’t back out now when he had already got her number. Not when there was also another person counting on him. Not when he still didn’t know what the fuck happened, and for some reason was determined to find out. 

And then was the problem of his voice, which suddenly seemed stuck in his throat. It was a very weird feeling, typical for one to get while being on the verge of a panic attack. As if there was a need to talk, but the body refused to. As if his vocal cords were paralyzed and not eager to cooperate. 

As if it was him who just experienced something strongly upsetting, not Y/N. 

Corpse fidgeted with his phone for a moment, before deciding against the idea of calling the girl. He figured he wouldn’t be able to utter a single word if she picked up the phone from the unknown number in the first place. If she did though, she’d probably consider it some misdialed call or some prank. Which was the last thing he wanted her to think.

Instead, he opted on sending her a text. 

He sat still for a moment, thinking about a message that wouldn’t right away reveal the cause of his concern, but which would say enough to figure out who sent it. His thoughts drifted back to the game they were both playing, remembering his stupid comments and her gentle voice. His fingers typed out the message almost automatically. 

“Wanna jump into the lava with me?”

He hesitated just for a second, before sending the text, his heart doing a backflip in his chest the moment he pressed the send button. Corpse gripped the phone tightly in his hands, his eyes staring at the screen and waiting impatiently for those three little dots indicating that the other person is typing a response to appear. He waited and waited, and a lump slowly formed in his throat when Y/N didn’t respond immediately. 

Was he really getting paranoid? 

Maybe he was just tired. Or she had a bad day. Or she just found this game boring.

Or she didn’t want to play with them. Or she thought his comments were annoying. 

“I’m an idiot” Corpse muttered to himself and slapped a hand on his forehead, pushing those thoughts away. Deep down he knew that wasn’t the case, but the longer Y/N didn’t respond, the louder was the voice at the back of his head, telling him that her problems were none of his business and he shouldn’t be asking for her number in the first place.

But it was the right thing to do. He knew it, Sean knew it, and Corpse also hoped that Y/N did not perceive his text as some pathetic joke. He waited for a couple of minutes, before typing another message:

“I’m here, partner, if you need to talk.” 

He felt the need to assure her that despite the ongoing stream and the other players probably already waiting for him to return, he was there for her. That’s what he considered the best option, not to force her into talking, but to let her know that she wasn’t alone. And that it would take just one word from her to make Corpse drop everything and listen to her. 

After what seemed like an eternity of staring at his phone and analyzing his own messages, Corpse put his phone away, realizing that Y/N wasn’t going to reply anytime soon. He couldn’t help but feel disappointed in himself, and guilty as well. Perhaps it would be a better idea to call her, but at that moment he wasn’t able to trust his own voice. He thought about sending her another message but decided against it. Another new text was probably the last thing she needed, with her phone being drowned by hundreds of notifications from angered, and worried fans. 

All Corpse could do was hope that she saw his texts and that she knew she wasn’t all alone. He sure as hell wasn’t going to make her feel as if she was obliged to confide in him. After all, he was a stranger. 

Then again... sometimes to understand a problem and look at it from a different, new perspective, what one needed was, indeed, a complete stranger. 

-

The next two hours felt almost like an eternity. And a complete hell to Corpse. He tried his best to focus on the game and interacting with his fans, but no matter what, his eyes would drift towards his phone every now and then. Hoping to see Y/N’s name pop up on his screen, with a message saying that everything was fine. 

But then again... would it be enough to calm his nerves? Maybe she’d write something like that just so he wouldn’t worry. Just so he would leave her alone.

She might as well just tell him to fuck off...

The fact that he received so many notifications all the time, especially now, during a stream, didn’t really help. Each time his phone lit up with a new notification, he would crane his neck with the hope of seeing Y/N’s response, only to be disappointed when it turned out to be just some new comment or someone tagging him in an instastory. Something that usually made him really happy now was the reason for his irritation. 

He couldn’t focus on the game itself either, finding it difficult to do his tasks and form some logical arguments during discussions. He didn’t really care, to be honest, when people threw him away almost at the start of the game. Winning or being the best Impostor was currently the last thing on his mind.

So when he said his goodbyes after the last round of Among Us and ended the stream, after thanking his fans, Corpse didn’t know what to do with himself. The game, even though he didn’t really pay much attention to it, provided at least some distraction from his phone, which was still silent when it came to Y/N’s texts. She either didn’t see them or didn’t want to see them. Corpse could only guess what was her reaction if there was any. 

He’d exchanged a few messages with Sean though, the man asking about Y/N during the stream and after it ended. Corpse couldn’t stop the guilt from growing even more when Sean expressed his concerns regarding Y/N and her absence. He knew the older streamer counted on him when it came to checking on the girl, but, obviously, he failed at getting a simple message from her. 

What was he even hoping to achieve in the first place? That she will text back right away, telling him everything that bothered her, confessing all her problems? He would have to be a total idiot to expect this girl to react to his messages.

It was all so overwhelming and frustrating at the same time that he felt almost nauseous. 

Leaving his phone in his room, Corpse walked to his small kitchen to grab a glass of water. The cold liquid brought much-needed relief to his burning throat, giving him a momentary sensation of comfort. He tested his voice, clearing his throat carefully and mumbling some nonsense under his breath. A sigh left his lips once he realized he could talk again and this weird feeling disappeared. 

He splashed his face with cold water and returned to his room, plopping down on his chair and giving his phone a quick glance. Perhaps he didn’t expect Y/N to reply to his texts at all because at first, he didn’t even notice her name on the screen of his phone. He looked back to his computer, almost out of habit, glancing between the tabs he had opened on his screen before. 

And it struck him suddenly, making him almost jump out of his skin when he realized that she did text him back. 

Grabbing his phone quickly, he unlocked it and opened the messages, almost hitting the one with Y/N’s name on it. 

“Hey, partner.” was all the message said. And yet it made Corpse’s heart almost jump out of his chest, both from relief and a sudden feeling of panic. 

She texted him back. Now, what the fuck was he supposed to do?! 

He stared at her text for a second as if trying to convince himself that it was real and he didn’t accidentally pass out on his desk, dreaming that Y/N takes his comments and texts seriously. 

When he came to the conclusion that the text was, indeed, real, and Y/N probably expected him to write something back, he thought about the best way of asking her what happened. On one hand, he knew from Sean what could possibly be the reason for her disappearance. On the other, what obviously mattered was Y/N’s version. How to get it out of her though, without being too intrusive?

Corpse decided that the best option will be to make some dumb, small talk, which would ease her (and his) nerves.

“Y’know, I almost didn’t manage to finish the mission without you” he texted her, concluding that playing along this partner thing would maybe work. In his text, Corpse referred to the one time he was the Impostor after Y/N left, and which happened to be completely boring without her running around “Had Toast and others suspecting my every step all the time.”

This time, much to his relief, the three little dots appeared almost immediately.

“I’m glad you managed to kill’em all nevertheless.”

He imagined her saying it with that sweet voice of hers, which made him snicker, whether he liked it or not. While thinking of some right response, Corpse couldn’t help but wonder how did she know that he managed to kill every crewmate during that round... she wasn’t playing anymore then, so that could only mean she watched his stream.

“Not gonna lie though, everything would go way smoother hadn’t my partner in crime left me on the battlefield all alone :/” he texted her back. Corpse watched intently as the three dots danced next to Y/N’s name and suddenly disappeared, then appeared back again after a few moments, only to disappear again. And for a second he panicked, that maybe this text sounded passive aggressive, or that it made Y/N blame herself for leaving the game... 

However, when her response finally came, he realized he was wrong.

“Can I call you, Corpse?” 

For the first time in a really long time, Corpse was so eager to agree on a phone call.

He replied frantically, telling her that of course, she could call him, and then waiting impatiently for the call. And when she didn’t call immediately, like he expected her to, he found himself wondering if she suddenly changed her mind and decided against the idea of calling him. 

But then his phone buzzed and her name appeared on the screen.

The device almost flew out of his hands, his heartbeat quickening and a lump forming in his throat once again.

Relax, man. It’s Y/N, your partner in crime. You’ve heard her voice before. 

But this was different. The circumstances were different and the reason for a call was different too. And now it was just the two of them, as opposed to a lobby full of friends. And Corpse tried so hard to figure out how to convince her that all the hate she receives on social media didn’t mean anything, that for a moment he forgot she was still calling.

He pressed the green button carefully, as if he was defusing a bomb, and found himself unable to utter a single word, just like before. There was silence on the other line too, as if Y/N expected him to speak up first. 

So Corpse build up the courage and took in a deep breath, before letting out a quiet, almost shy:

“Hi”

 The word left his mouth almost as a whisper, and for a moment he thought that the girl didn’t even hear it, but then her voice told him otherwise.

“Hey... Corpse” she mumbled. She sounded so different, almost as if she was sick. Her calm and soft voice was so quiet that Corpse had some trouble hearing her at first. She sounded so tired, so hurt, so defeated, that he completely forgot every advice he had managed to stock in his mind before this call. 

“It’s good to hear you, partner.” he said after a moment, realizing that asking what’s wrong wasn’t the best thing he could do at that moment. He felt that she’d probably hung up on him if he did... “I didn’t think I’d hear from you after you aborted the mission.”

He heard her sigh out a laugh at his words, his tone playfully accusatory. The girl cleared her throat and wondered for a second, before replying:

“It wasn’t exactly my mission... And if I remember correctly, you were the one who broke our partnership, chasing me around the ship.” 

He could almost hear the smile behind her words, which made his lip corners curl up slightly. He was glad she still managed to joke with him. It meant that, perhaps, it wasn’t that bad. 

“Did I kill you, though?” 

“You would if you had a chance.”

“I had plenty of chances Y/N, and I never took one” he replied right away with a chuckle. “I may be the murderer, but I’m no traitor.”

“You say that after luring me to that lava pit and killing me and Sykkuno? It was a trap all along, wasn’t it?” she asked suspiciously, but he knew she was joking “I bet you were conspiring with MrBeast all this time...”

“How dare you” he scoffed, trying to hold back his chuckle “I took you there cause it’s a special place, it was no trap! It just happened to be the wrong place and the wrong time...”

“Sure, partner”

“I’m serious!” he laughed “Besides - I apologized, and if I remember correctly, I think we both agreed that I jumped into that lava pit for you after all...”

“After they voted you off! You didn’t have any other chance!”

“Maybe it was all planned?” he said, changing his voice to more mysterious “Maybe I conspired with MrBeast so I could jump into that lava pit... and the only way to do it is by being voted off. So, either way, I kept my word.”

“Fine... whatever.”

Their laughter died down and was replaced by surprisingly comfortable silence. Corpse was happy with how the conversation started - he believed it would be easier for Y/N to explain what happened now, if she wished to explain, of course. 

“Y’know...” he began after a second, deciding to change the subject and finally address the issue. “Partners are supposed to help each other... and be there when the other person is in need...”

He was careful with his words, being full aware that Y/N might find it uncomfortable to share her problems with him. He wanted to encourage her, just slightly, if his previous texts weren’t enough. 

She sighed quietly and he could sense her reluctance. 

“But only if the other person wants partner’s help.” he added after a moment, keeping his voice as soft as he could. Y/N didn’t respond right away, but she didn’t hang up either, which Corpse took as a good sign. He gave her a couple of seconds to collect her thoughts, before asking another question: 

“What made you so upset, Y/N/N?”

He could hear her inhale the air sharply as if she had trouble breathing steadily. The line went silent, not that Corpse was surprised. He waited patiently, giving the girl the time she needed to decide whether she wanted to answer that question and what words should she choose if she did. 

And when she finally spoke up, Corpse felt as if his heart could break.

“They are just so mean...” she almost whispered, her voice cracking. He didn’t have to ask whom she meant, it was obvious. “And I don’t even know why... I didn’t do anything to those people, and yet they are so mean towards me.”

Corpse hummed in response, allowing her to keep talking. If there was one thing he knew that helped coping with stress, it was sharing it with someone else. And even though he himself had a lot on his plate, he felt the need to be that someone for Y/N. 

“I... I don’t want you to think that I’m some crybaby, who takes everything super seriously and can’t take a joke, but...” she stuttered for a moment and Corpse fought the urge to cut her off and tell her that what he thinks of her is the complete opposite. “But those comments... those weren’t jokes, Corpse. I don’t think anyone would find them funny.”

His heart ached at the sound of her quiet, weak voice. And then it angered him, that some anonymous haters managed to upset this cheerful, innocent person. How could anyone do something like that to Y/N?

“I... I’m sorry for telling you this...” she suddenly trailed off, sounding rather awkward and uncomfortable. “I shouldn’t be bothering you with my silly problems...”

“They aren’t silly as long as they are problems to you, Y/N.” 

“Yeah, but... I’m sure everyone from the group has received such comments at some point of their career... or maybe they still receive them...” she murmured almost embarrassed. “Maybe it’s no such a big deal after all...”

“Let me ask you something” Corpse said, feeling anger bubbling up in his stomach. Not directed at Y/N, of course, but at the people who made her think this way. “Imagine that someone, let’s say me, calls you because of the same reason. Would you consider telling me that online hate, or any hate for that matter, is not a big deal? That those are just my silly problems” 

She was silent for a moment, thinking about his question, and probably not expecting it in the first place. However, after a few seconds of initial surprise, she replied firmly:

“Of course not.” 

“Then why are you trying to convince yourself that they are?” he asked in what would sound like an accusatory tone, but in reality was just his voice laced with worry. “There’s no such thing as a silly problem Y/N, as long as it bothers you. If you consider it a problem, then it is a problem. And the fact that other people receive similar, or even worse comments, doesn’t mean anything. Maybe just that they are longer on Youtube and they’ve learned to deal with this kind of stuff... And your reaction? It doesn’t make you a crybaby and please Y/N, don’t ever think that way about yourself.”

He said it all so quickly and almost on one breath, letting all his frustration out and trying to form his babbling into some logical statement. 

“I understand what you’re going through...” he confessed after a moment of silence between them. “I know what it’s like to go through the ocean of positive comments and find those few which say something completely different... something that is meant to hurt you and humiliate you... Something that ruins your day, or even a couple of next few days or weeks... Something that completely overshadows everything else you’ve read about yourself. Something that people write from the safety of their own computers or phones, without showing their faces and remaining completely anonymous.”

For a moment, Corpse allowed himself to speak about his own experience, thinking that maybe when Y/N realizes that he knew exactly what she was dealing with, it would make it easier for her. “And that is the key fact, Y/N, that they are anonymous. They do what they do because no one can see them because it is comfortable for them to leave a hate comment and not face any consequences. Because they don’t have to face the person their hate is directed towards.”

“Some of the accounts were not anonymous...” Y/N mumbled, and Corpse could clearly hear that she was speaking through the tears. “People were using their public accounts, with photos and everything...”

“But let me guess, those comments weren’t even about your videos, huh? They weren’t about any of your work?” 

“Well...” she whispered, thinking about Corpse’s question. “Truth to be said, no. Most of them just looked like some kind of a personal attack on me...” 

“Exactly. It’s not even criticism, it’s just plain bullshit cowards are sharing online. They probably aren’t even able to form some logical sentence, they just combine some random words which are supposed to hurt you.”

“It works...”

“Y/N...” Corpse sighed into the phone, hearing her defeated tone. “Let me ask you another question, okay?” she hummed in response, and Corpse cleared his throat. “Tell me, whose opinion matters to you the most?”

“My friends... and my fans’“she said.

“Okay.. and whom do you consider your fan?”

“Someone who finds the content I create interesting and entertaining and takes his time to watch my videos.” she replied right away.

“Okay. Do you think that people who left those comments took their time to even watch your videos?” 

“Probably not...” she replied after a second. “Look, I know what you mean Corpse... That I shouldn’t worry about it because they are not my fans and therefore their opinion shouldn’t matter... but that’s not the case. It’s the fact alone that for some reason people spend their time hating me when I didn’t even do anything to them.”

“You didn’t do anything to them.” Corpse repeated her own words in his deep voice. “And they didn’t watch your videos. It seems like they don’t have any reason to leave those comments, right?” he asked. “I know that it’s hard Y/N, I really do, but the truth is, you can’t really have everyone leaving positive feedback under your content... There will always be someone who will consider it a good idea to send you a hateful message, just because they can, not because they have any specific reason to. Now I don’t say that’s okay... but it’s in a way like some disease. The one there’s no cure for. Even though you can’t cure it, you can make yourself immune.” 

“How, Corpse? How do you make yourself immune to messages saying that you’re a fucking annoying bitch, that you don’t deserve what you have? That you don’t deserve your friends, and you are not good enough to play with them? To spend your time with them? How do you deal with comments suggesting that you should go and kill yourself, because you’re not famous enough, and you will never be?” 

Her voice suddenly rose, and Corpse felt as his heartbeat quickened with each comment she described. He gripped his hand around the phone, his knuckles turning white and his brows furrowing in an expression of pure fury. 

He considered her words for a moment, trying to come up with the best advice, but realized there wasn’t any that would satisfy her. He could imagine the state she was in, she probably wouldn’t take any of his advice seriously. And he wouldn’t blame her for that. 

“I’m sorry for snapping on you...” she suddenly said, her voice back to its soft tone. “It’s just too much for me to handle...”

“It’s all good, Y/N, don’t apologize. You have the full right to be angry and to show it. I just want you to remember that...” Corpse gulped the lump in his throat, feeling his cheeks getting warmer. “Those comments are not what define you. As a matter of fact, they’re not even about you. You know why? Because people who write them don’t know you. They don’t even take a moment to acknowledge what an intelligent and talented person you are, not to mention how kind... but I do. A-and everyone else too.”

She was silent for a moment, and Corpse panicked, that maybe he said too much, or made things awkward again. But then she spoke up, her slightly less weak than before.

“I suppose... maybe you’re right, Corpse.” she said, still sounding a little bit unconvinced. He understood, it was clear his one pep talk wouldn’t suddenly make her forget about it. It would be like telling a person with depression to stop having depression and expecting them to suddenly feel better. “Thank you. For listening to my pathetic babbling... and for not telling me to just pull myself together.”

“First of all, your babbling is not pathetic...” he began “Second of all... I know we don’t really know each other, but... If you ever feel the need to talk to someone, I’m here.”

“And for that I’m grateful, Corpse” she said, clearly smiling. “Sorry, I mean, partner.”

“Partner.” he chuckled into the phone, smiling from ear to ear. 

“It’s getting late...” she yawned into the phone. “Sorry. I think I’ll go to sleep, I’m really tired...”

“Of course” Corpse replied, hiding the disappointment in his voice. He really enjoyed talking to her, just to her alone, but he understood that the whole conversation and the event preceding it probably exhausted her. 

“Hey...” she suddenly said, and Corpse could swear that her voice sounded as if she unexpectedly became shy. “Um... it was really great talking to you, you’re a really good listener, Corpse.”

“Glad to hear that” he smiled happily.

“Um... would you mind if I called you tomorrow too?” she asked so quietly that he almost didn’t catch it, his breath hitching in his throat. “If you have time that is... if you don’t, or if you have some super plans, then I understand, it’s fine-”

“I don’t have any super plans, Y/N” he couldn’t help but chuckle, finding her nervous banter adorable. “Call me whenever you want.”

“Okay...” she sighed, almost in relief, but Corpse didn’t want to point it out to embarrass her even more. “So... let’s say, around 2 pm?” 

“Sounds good to me.”

“Great.” she said, her voice trailing off a bit. “I’m falling asleep here, Corpse... Thank you once again, for everything.”

“Anytime, Y/N.”

“Good night, partner.”

“Goodnight, partner.” 

-

Part 5 coming soon. It will probably be the last part of this series, I’m not sure yet though.

TAG LIST FOR PURE IS CLOSED. 

TAG LIST FOR CORPSE REQUESTS/OTHER FICS IS OPEN (if you want to be tagged, please send me a text)

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[nappingwithyuuji]

i ain’t got no time if you ain’t beside me

CORPSE HUSBAND X FEM!READER

Chapter eight!!

Previous - Next

Summary: You are a faceless youtuber who does Sims4 and ranty vlogs, but somehow you end up playing a game with your friend Rae and then things get 💕💕💕.

Warnings: swearing, sexual themes (mentioned) and alcohol tw.

You snort out a laugh when you see Corpse’s last tweet, remembering how last night you two had watched Scott Pilgrim while also facetiming. You two had been texting and calling each other for the past ten days, nonstop. 

You were really behind your schoolwork but you couldn't find the energy to care about it seeing as you were enjoying your time with him so much. Even though you could sense how shy he could be sometimes, your stomach filled with butterflies whenever you saw him go out of his way to keep the conversations going.

Rae, Sykkuno and Ludwig were also always flooding your private messages on twitter and for the first time in a while, the loneliness was getting smaller and smaller. You were getting way too attached and comfortable around everyone, and actually, being part of such a friendly community had proven to be the best thing to ever happen to you. 

Today you woke up, still on call with Corpse, and felt like pure sunshine was coursing through your veins. And the enormous positive reaction to your newest video was only making your good mood grow by the minute. 

It 's true. Ever since you had (accidentally) seen Corpse’s face, it was like a veil of nerves had lifted from your conversations, and oh boy was he a flirt. Even though you were pretty sure he was like this with other people (like what you had seen on Tina’s streams) it was definitely affecting you. 

You also weren’t shy when it came to these things so your flirting had also been reaching unbearable levels at the moment, making you feel so riled up whenever you two talked. And so you thought that this outfit could maybe be a good conversation starter… 

Little did you know what it would actually bring you.

You know you tried your hardest to pull off this look but you still didn't look just how you wanted it to. Your lack of dark and edgy clothes or jewelry was noticeable but it was still a fun style and the makeup part had turned out very pretty. You feel like another person, though. Not like you were wearing a costume, but as if this outfit accentuated a side of you that you didn’t really display often. It makes you feel hot and powerful, ready to crush men with your boots like all those TikTok girls talk about doing.

But all that might be because of the two gin and tonics you had before posting this. 

At 8pm sharp, you start your stream and are greeted with the chat going crazy about your outfit. You grin as they start spamming the chat with “e girls are ruining my life” or some mentions of Corpse. “Thank you for the love, guys!” You thank them, "It’s my best attempt at catching Mr Husband’s attention with a ‘fit but i don’t have any more chains and whistles to be honest.”

CORPSE: check your dms. rn.

You catch his user in your chat, meaning that he is watching your stream, so while you join the discord chat with the others, you do as he asked and check your twitter.

A/N: heeey... just wanted to say that im so fffing thankful about the love i’ve been receiving on this fic and alsoo all the love y’all gave @cathedreal ‘s fic! I told ya you wouldn’t be disappointed she’s a great writer! So yeah, thanks for sticking with this fic and i promise you that we still have a long way to go!

Tag list: @sophiasrant, @rexit-mo, @sometimesicanwright, @socially-blue, @scorpios-echos, @gaysludge, @fairysums, @4444444-z, @bakugonua, @mishisamess, @lukewearingbeanies, @butterfly-skinnylegend, @boba-tea1206, @clubfairy, @moonlightlullaby (def not freaking out about that last tag…), @azlinh, @doodszs, @clxwnkid, @officiallyunofficialperson, @alice-went-away, @cherry-piee, @backseat-serenade-dizzyhurricane, @secretsandwriting, @penguinhope, @letsloveimagines, @catsrdabestsocks101, @goddessofwaifus , @doodszs, @clxwnkid, @serosmissingtoe, @4444444-z, @just-a-sad-donut, @geologii, @duhitztrinidy,, @browneyedgirl365, @shoutaizawas​, @mell-bell

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

The best way I can describe this for someone who does not experience dissociating is like. Ur brain timekeeper’s notepad got wet and now everything from that time stretch is ripped up or bleeding into illegibility. Like this:

8:30AM: got out of bed, got dressed

9:00AMish: played Monopoly Go

9:30AMish: went into living room, took meds

10:00AMish: made food, ate food

10:45AMish: realized I wanted coffee, debated whether coffee was a good idea

11:00AMish: made coffee, went back into bedroom, drank coffee

11:30AM-12:30PM: therapy

12:40PMish: friend messages to ask to work on homework; needs 40min to eat food

12:40PM-1:20PM: go back into living room, talk to B, drink water

1:20PM: go back into bedroom, set up Discord, get on call

1:20PM-3???ish???: homework, then little break…

3?: Friend tells me to get ice, I eventually get up and get some ice in a little cup and come back, I hold the ice cube and eat it

3:23PM: I remember to look at the clock again

3:23PM-4:38PM: Homework again until I finish and friend gets off to make food

4:38PM: “oh I’m kinda tired but laying down in bed feels really boring”, go back to living room…

4:38PMish-5?30?ish?: lay down in living room on couch, not really nap despite trying

5?30?ish?: T gets home…

…

…

6?ish?: there is ice on my head. Joke around with T about why putting ice on my head is a bad idea. Eat ice cube. T puts on Bob’s Burgers…

…

swim back up, laugh at cartoon joke

…

swim back up. my body feels like static. it’s a commercial break. smth smth pretzels smth smth Halloween. T shows me a funny tweet on their phone.

…

it’s dark outside? when did that happen?

…

B comes downstairs to chat. He stands behind my seat on the couch. He and T talk about… something. Not sure. Staticky…

…

B is gone. I ask T if he went back upstairs. They give me a weird look and say “B went upstairs several minutes ago”.

…

Oh that scene in the cartoon is pretty funny. Haha, Louise is so wacky.

…

Gene is… setting tables? I guess? With pads and tampons? What’s going on? I turn to ask T, but they’re looking at their phone. I’ll ask them later.

…

“Blue, you good?”

…

8:40PM: holy fucking shit how is it already 8:40PM

8:45PMish: Feel more grounded, ask what I missed. B comes back downstairs. I tell B “good news, my brain is back”. He did not notice my brain was gone. T fills him in on what’s happened since they got home. They say that I missed a whole episode of the show, and that they gave me two ice cubes and I didn’t snap out of it at all.

8:45PMish: I don’t remember what they’re talking about. At all. Oh my gosh. Feel sick to my stomach, try to ask for a timeline of when this happened. They aren’t exactly sure. Definitely after they put the first ice cube on my head. They tell me I’ve been in and out all night…

8:50PMish: “Blue, you’re going back out again.” Knead my skin on my face to ground myself.

8:55PMish: oh fuck my laundry. Wait. My laundry. I have laundry? Check timer. My laundry needs another 30 minutes or so.

9:22PM: laundry timer goes off. Switch the loads.

9:30PMish: T goes upstairs for the night.

10:20PMish: retrieve laundry from dryer, go to bed.

Spent hours going in and out of dissociating and hey. Hey. Where did the time go. It was just afternoon and now it’s night. Hello.

[nojey]

reminiscing (fans 2)

dreamwastaken x streamer!reader

genre: angst pronouns: they / them word count: 2.1k warning(s): failed relationship, cursing

fans (part 1)

synopsis: after taking 6 months off from social media, you finally explain to your fans why you took so long and why you needed it.

go live. *click*

you watched as your chat strolled in and viewer count go up. your computer screen illuminating your face in the dark room as your webcam caught the nervous look. you were shaking your leg up and down, a habit you caught whenever you tried to calm yourself down. 

“hi everyone, it’s been a while since my last stream, huh?” you dryly chuckled. “it’s been about.. 6 months since i last streamed and at this point i think i’ve taken enough time to correctly word how i’m going to tell everyone why i decided to take a break from streaming.” you said looking down at the ground and fiddling with your fingers.

“uh, donation notifications will be off for this stream and chat will be on emotes only because i really just want to focus on getting this out. but if you plan on donating, thank you so much, really, it means the world to me.” you said finally looking at your webcam and smiling a bit. you read a chat and answer, “yes, i’m doing okay. i just have a big announcement i want to say after i tell you guys why i took a break.”

you took a deep breath in and started. “ over a year ago, almost 2, i met this guy through a friend and we started talking. it was very little at the beginning but as little as it was, his texts always made me smile.” you scratched the back of your neck. “and as time went on, we started talking more and more and he just became part of my daily routine. when i woke up i’d see a good morning text from him, we’d spend most of our day being on the phone with each other, i was even on facetime with him most of my streams but i had an airpod under my headset so you couldn’t really see it, i almost always fell asleep on facetime with him. i really fell for this guy.” you fondly smiled, looking at your desk, where your phone used to be propped up and you would see clays face just looking at you.

“then we started streaming together. ‘omg he’s a streamer too’ yeah, and a lot of you probably know who i’m talking about at this point but i still won’t disclose who it is. i uh, got a lot of messages from you guys telling me that i looked super happy that stream and i was. i was always happy when i talked to him. but along with those messages i also got a lot of hate, telling me to stay away from him. it didn’t really bother me because i always get hate when i stream with my guy friends; i was used to it.” you said, taking a sip from your water then wiping the side of your eye as it teared up. 

“and today... i’ll be going on the dream smp! with the man himself, dream. dream, say hi now.” you introduced, you waited a few seconds but was only met with silence. you grabbed your phone and sent him a voice message, “clay! you’re on deafen! introduce yourself!” you screamed into your phone. dream then took himself off deafen and said. “hi (y/s/n)’s chat! i’m dream, i’ll be showing (y/n) around the smp today and we’re gonna get started on their house.” you smiled fondly when you heard him speak. “yeah! what dream said!” 

so you both logged into the dream smp, said hi to sapnap, and dream gave you a tour. you then started building your house in a forest, quite far from everyone else, “i don’t want anyone bothering you or ruining your house when you’re not on.” he explained. you told dream you wanted to build a cottage so if anyone does end up stumbling upon it, it looks welcoming to them. so dream started building your house for you even though you insisted you do it together. “dream! let me help, this is supposed to be my house.” you dragged. “well we can both decorate inside and make it our house.” you started blushing. “i guess..” you mumbled. you then started adventuring out to look for flowers and some things to decorate the house with.

you started placing flowers down into flower pots when you noticed something. “dream there’s only one bedroom.” you mentioned. he slowly turned around to look at you and quickly turned back and placed two beds next to each other. “this is our room, dumbass.”

later that night you checked your twitter dms and saw many people telling you to stop talking to dream and that you weren’t good enough to even know him. you sighed and powered down your phone.

“i think a few weeks after that he asked me if i could fly out to him and we’d meet in person. i was so excited i immediately started packing and i met him. it was amazing! i got to meet the guy i’ve been in love with for the past few months. i think it may have been a year already. but yeah, i finally got to meet him and being in his arms was the best feeling in the world, i felt so safe being with him.”

“it was the day after that, when he asked me on a date and i, of course, said yes. like who would say no to the person they fell in love with... so we went on a date and at the end of it we were just sitting on top of the hood of the car, eating dinner, watching the sunset and talking about a future we wanted together. and it may seem like we were moving fast but i knew 7 months into talking to him that he felt the same way about me. no matter if either of us disclosed it. i could tell and i knew he knew the same about me. then i went home and everything was perfect, i wasn’t his girlfriend yet though because we wanted to wait a bit.”

“that’s when everything went downhill, i think” you looked up to try to stop the tears from going down your face, but they fell anyways so you just let it be.

“we started streaming more and more and i started getting more hate than i usually got, this time getting death threats, people threatening to leak my address if i didn’t stop being friends with him. it was crazy but i was willing to endure it all for him. who cares what people on the internet are going to say to me? i really didn’t because i was happy enough with him that, that happiness overcame whatever type of hate i was getting.” tears kept falling from your eyes but you didn’t bother to wipe it, knowing it would just keep happening.

“dude you’re so annoying! you definitely cheated!” you screamed as you died. through your headset you could hear clay wheezing. “there was no way i was cheating!” he said through his laughs. “ask my chat, they saw the whole thing.” you breathed out, not wanting to believe him till a dono was sent to you, “yeah, (y/n) you just suck at this game,” you gasped, your jaw hanging then you started pouting. it was clipped and one of your viewers sent it to dream. he suddenly started laughing harder and you asked him why he was laughing, with a pout still on your face. “even your chat knows i didn’t cheat!” you started laughing too, till you read a message in the chat saying, “ew, their laugh is ugly. i don’t know why dream likes them.” you stopped laughing but kept a fake smile on your face.

“then he called me and he told me that he didn’t think we should be dating anymore, or even be friends. and i think it was because he saw the hate i was getting and he didn’t like that. he told me a different reason as to why he didn’t think we should date anymore but i didn’t believe it, but i let him go. because i was not going to force him to be with me if he really did mean it. “ you said, sniffling after so you didn’t sound too congested as you spoke.

after you hung up, you curled into a ball and cried. you cried, and cried, and cried. the feeling in your chest hurting more than you could ever imagine. you just lost the guy you wanted to marry, the guy you had spent over a year going to because of your problems, the guys you saw having kids with, the guy that made everything worth it. he was the only person on your mind as the pain in your chest grew. you tweeted and powered your phone off straight after. you didn’t want anyone messaging you asking what was wrong, knowing your friends they would do that. 

“so the reason i took a break from streaming was because of that. because i resented the people that sent me hate so much i couldn’t bring myself to stream. i didn’t resent them because they sent me hate. i resent them because the hate they sent me caused the guy i really wanted to be with to make me believe he didn’t love me like i love him.” now, you were sobbing, letting your cry’s out because you had been holding them in for too long. 

it had been a few months and you were on snapchat, seeing that you had a memory a year ago today, you checked it. “i think i literally met my soulmate.” with a picture of you and clay in a discord call. your breath got caught in your throat and your breathing became labored. your eyes started stinging as the tears started falling. it’s happening again, all the pain from the day you stopped talking to him came back and once again, you were crying into your hands and you couldn’t stop.

“i had always known that becoming a streamer i would get hate, but i never thought that i would get enough hate to prevent a relationship i really wanted to work. now all i do is reminisce of a guy i wish could be mine”

“streaming has brought me so many opportunities and i am so grateful for everything you guys have done for me, and for me to be able to do something i love and make money from it is insane to me. you guys have given me everything i ever wanted in life up until that point and i am so grateful and appreciative of that. you guys gave me friendships that i will never lose and never forget. so many of you have told me that i’ve saved you and changed your lives but trust me when i say you guys have saved me and changed my life too. i hope i repaid you back by making you smile, being your comfort streamer, and being a support system for each of you. but i think this is my end of the road. i fucking love streaming, i love you guys. but every time i click that “go live” button or even try to, all i think about is him and that’s too painful for me right now. maybe in the future i’ll find my way back here but i can’t promise that.”

“thank you guys, so, so, so, so, much for every single opportunity given to me, for everything. i love you all. my dms are still open. and this was (y/s/n), signing off for possibly the last time. goodbye everyone.”

end stream. *click*

a tear rolling down his face and falling onto his keyboard as he watched you finally say goodbye to your stream. it all just felt like you were saying your last goodbye to him again. 

for the last 6 months all clay could do was think about you and how he wished he just messaged you and told you he was sorry and didn’t mean what he said. that he misses you and he would quit streaming if that meant he could be with you. that all he wanted was to feel you in his arms again and just live out the future you two planned together. 

but if you just said goodbye to your chat for your last stream because you couldn’t stand the thought of him whenever you tried to stream. how could you ever forgive him?

the thought of never speaking to you hit him once more and again, he cried, sobbed, screamed, threw things, and even then, he knew.. you would never be coming back to him, with every fiber in his being, wishing you would.

—————

taglist: @loxbbg @bozowrites @noahsfag @sparklykeylime @bi-narystars @axths @cheybaee @letsloveimagines @meatte @julesamen21 @classyunknownlover @bad268 @strawbrinkofdeath