#and i was thinkin about this one post that talked about being queer but not havin the common queer experience

[oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat]

Just because an experience is common doesn't mean it's a good experience.

[ohnoitsjetster]

jesse!!! hi!! i have one very important question for you: ARE‼️YOU 🫵🏼 DAN🧍‍♂️REYNOLDS🎤⁉️

(okay now for my real question, what’s your fav hatchetfield installment?? it could be a musical or nightmare time ep or even workin’ boys if you’ve seen it :] i’m curious!! oh also if you want you can tell me about orin, i’m vaguely familiar with lsoh but it’s been a while!! so yea, free pass to talk about your lil gay sadist of a dentist <3 this was just an excuse to give you an ask so yk you can really just talk about whatever)

SOL! Hi hi hi hi !! (Sorry for the late response)

OHOHO! A dual fandom ask !! This means another long rambling post for my four most dedicated followers to read!!!! Im sorry in advance!!! this will probably be boring to everyone but me!!!!

I think my favorite might be NPMD. That one changed my brain chemistry for sure. But so did TGWDLM, I really believe that watching Show Stopping Number at the tender age of, like 11… well it just explains a lot about how i turned out ([obligatory “fuck Robert manion”]). I also frequently shake Time Bastard, Killer Track, and Abstinence Camp around in my teeth like a dog like HAUUFHGIGJHJGKKGKFGKRGJ RFRRRGJGG RRHHRHHRHH HREHHEGEGHGRGHRHHHHFFNFHFGGHF like that. But yeah at the present moment I'm being insane about NPMD. The songs are all bangers (Yes all of them) and I am in love with every character (Yes every character). High School is Killing Me is kind of my anthem right now. For no. Particular reason. Also, your honor those three nerds are all literally me and also i am in love with them and also im that fucked up dead bully but in a totally normal way.

So. Speaking of fucked up dead bullies… ‘,:]

Orin Scrivello, DDS <3 my beautiful bbg who has never done anything wrong in his life except for literally everything he did. Worst guy ever. But hey, you can’t choose who you rotate around in your brain, or how many Pinterest boards you make about it. Another instance of “he’s literally me but obviously not actually at all but I think he’s silly so that’s basically the same thing.” A tale as old as time. I don’t know how many queer awakenings one person can have but I was definitely already trans and bi when I saw Orin for the first(?*) time last year, and now, well now im the same but im more pretentious about it and I own a leather jacket. (*I actually saw LSOH a long time ago when i was way younger, but I didn’t remember it almost at all and I’d thought “The Dentist” was like this mad scientist type character, which, not exactly wrong ig, so anyway he’s been swimmin around in my brain making me silly for who knows how long, but yeah probably just since last year). I swear to cope with hyperfixating on such a fucked up character I’ve literally been making au’s in my brain where he’s morally ambiguous, or gets a redemption arc (he does not fucking deserve a redemption arc he deserves to be chopped up and fed to a bitchy gay plant), or where he’s literally just a nice guy. Yeah I’ll sometimes just remove the character from this character to appease the brain demons. But the cool thing about the Not an Asshole™️ AUs is that, in the og, the whole story basically goes south when Seymour justifies killing to feed the plant cause he can kill that jerk Orin, so if he’s not a jerk maybe they all survive?? Idk i just like thinkin. Also… ALSO!.. I made a post a while ago that I might someday make Orin textpost memes using pictures from my actual stage production, and well, that day has come! or, will come, soon. I’ve made the pictures I just have to make the post. It was very fun Im excited to share em. Okay thats all TYSM for the ask bestie!!!

Oh and to address your first question…

I 🧑🏻 AM 💥 DAN🧍‍♂️REYNOLDS 🎤 ✅

[opinated-user]

the queerphobic responses of LO are as terrible as always. she completely missed the point of the original post about how words can have more than one meaning, across multiple languages or cultures and context will always be more important to determine what's the point of using that word. so LO's bad at linguistics, probably doesn't care about respecting any culture outside the mainstream one she grew up with because she has a colonialistic mindset where she thinks what is good enough for her has to be good for the rest of the world, she's bad at refuting legitimate points someone made and her own reactionary queerphobia is so strong that she refuses to educate herself on the most basic part of LGBT+ history or academics. we knew all of this already and i have plenty of other posts talking about it if anyone cares to see them. what i want to concentrate a moment longer here is on the bits that i highlighted on red in that screenshot. there's two ways i can read the first one: 1. LO's responding to the claims that she fetishizes w|w content by saying that it's a problem of the LGBT+ community at large that should be adressed, when in fact it's just a problem that some people have about the way she talks and treats w|w content as inherently more "pure" and inherently better than any other kind of queer content, which she blatantly ignores when it's not about sapphic characters. btw, thinking that w|w are "the purest form of love" is not an orientation. it's deshumanizing for w|w to see themselves put on a pedestal like that and ignores that, by the end of the day, sapphic people are literally just people. 2. LO's voicing old exclusionist rethoric against out there identities that she herself think are actually nothing else but fetishes. she might claim that she has been "radically inclusive" with many identities over the years, but when it comes to actually be confronted on how to includes these people she obviously doesn't have any idea or care into how to carry that out. she rejects mogai and she rejects queer because she thinks that adding more letters will be enough, even though that's doomed to always leave at least someone behind and without any visibility for the community. i'm inclined to the first one but at this point, i believe that either could be. now to the second point. what rampant "self abuse" is she talking about? it could be that she's still on her queerphobic idea that queer people being proud of being queer are self harming themselves, without any other source than her own opinion... or it could be kinks maybe? or it could even be more making a "LGBT+ community problem" the fact that many queer people call her out on her creepy tendencies? i could especulate all day but that one is just confusing for me. edit: i just want to add this something. do you know why pushback against queer as a community identifier has gotten louder on the last few years? it's because TERFs have gotten even louder, bolder and shameless over the las few years, getting support from massively big public figures like rowling and others. these people who have gotten major public platforms from which to keep spreading their ideology (like dave chapell) or have gotten into official media generally respected to spread their transmisogynistic agenda.

it should be terrifying for anyone on the LGBT+ community, queer or not, that this is happening because it's not about people being uncomfortable with being refered to as a word they don't like. it's about open bigotry and hatred that's currently making the lives of LGBT+ people as a whole worse than it was before.

[canonicallyanxious]

tagged by @honeyginger [thank you!! see their 5 songs here] for the following challenge: 🎶✨when you get this you have to put 5 songs you actually listen to, publish, then send this ask/tag 10 of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) 🎶✨ 

"5 songs you actually listen to" is a very broad category of music lol but i'm just going to list 5 of my current/most recently discovered faves:

[anyone who does this tag you don't have to write little blurbs about your songs sdkfmlsdmfkls i'm pretty sure you can just list them or really do whatever the hell you want but i wanted to talk about these jams for a hot sec soz]

been thinkin' - Hikes [link to bandcamp]

love the nostalgic and wistful air of this song, love the simplicity of the lyrics, love the guitar riffs that make this song so easy and fun to listen to on repeat, love the gender frontman Nay Wilkins exudes from their every pore, and maybe i did impulse purchase the vinyl of the album after listening to one [1] song off the tracklist [this song] and what about it

Mood - DPR IAN

listen i won't lie to you i found this song by obsessively stalking the insta stories of Mix Sahaphap who i definitely have a normal amount of thoughts and feelings about but the man has taste okay idk what else to say here

ellipse - Sweeps

just pure and unadulterated vibes babey

Scrawny - Wallows

I know this song isn't about being transmasc but the lyric "i can still have wisdom and look like a child / scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle" is absolutely about being transmasc sorry i don't make the rules

Witchyman - Cain Culto

how could i not be completely obsessed with a good witchy queer vibe and a funky phantom-of-the-opera-esque hook i ask u [also if u have a moment pls take some time to enjoy this absolutely bonkers music video thanks]

tagging: @persimmonyms @pronouncingitwang @boxesfullofthoughts @tristealven @parkshuppy @thelibraryiscool @braveveth @quintincoldwater @flowersandstarlight @fcntasmas and anyone else who wants to post 5 songs i am serious about this i am making grabby hands at all of ur music recs gimme gimme

[gulfportofficial]

Thinkin' about USpol in a small town.

Something I'm thinking a lot about lately is Joe Bageant's "guy in the bar" observation. Bageant wrote about, essentially, white rust belt communities of the kind he grew up in, factory towns, and the fact that they had swung hard right in the lead-up to and increasingly during the Bush Years. In Bageant's youth, these towns, towns like his, had had a strong union presence, even a socialist presence. They were unlikely to vote Republican en mass. Bageant's book - Deer Hunting with Jesus: Dispatches from America's Class War - is very good, and he details and investigates several factors that went into this evolution towards the right. Among other things, he talks about funding being diverted into Christian-led education while being cut back for other education, the impact of extended credit leading into the credit crunch, Reaganism and the loss of employment, Scots-Irish history. But also he talks about, and it pops into my head at least once a day lately, the fact that Republicans have a guy in the bar.

What he means by this is that Republican campaigners specifically do a thing where they go to the town bar. The Republicans often have a guy in town, who hangs in the bar with all the other good citizens of the town, who affirms their fears, who gives them reasons and solutions. Following this, he observes that the Democrats in the same given town do not do this. They don't do it because poor people are icky, and more importantly, because sometimes they say things or ask questions that are not on the approved list of correct words and knowledge that apparently everyone is issued in college.

(And watch out, because that list changes every year. I point that out because I want to say it does no good just to learn the buzzwords. You have to learn what's behind them, why things matter, where the egg is and where is the wall. But that's another subject for another day).

And I recognize that it is not the responsibility of the oppressed to educate. Of course it isn't. But be realistic, man. Sometimes people have good hearts and they'll just as likely listen to you as they will to the guy who's telling them, yes, in fact, there is a secret conspiracy to make every child trans. Just as likely, provided you don't instantly dismiss them as stupid and wrong and so far beneath your esteem that you can only sneer at them. It's not even education! It's just having faith in people, believing in them. Here's an example. Where I live, there is a queer org that is very college lib, and we're right in the heart of MAGA country. So when the queer org puts up their post about an event on the "Happening in [Town]" facebook page, instantly someone springs up to say, "Great, just what [town] don't need. More homo stuff." (I don't remember exactly what was said, but I do, crucially, remember the "don't").

How does the queer org respond? Like this: they write, simply, "*doesn't."

Just smugly correcting the grammar, as if education and having the Right Values automatically go hand in hand. It's just... just futile. And smug. And I get that it is exhausting and draining and frustrating to engage with someone who says that and people shouldn't always have to. Further, I get that a lot of what we hear from the Republican end of things is so unbelievably, bafflingly dumb that the natural reaction is just not to even bother. But I've been at this a long time. I've seen people come around. And what it takes is having a guy in the bar. I think also of Sarah Palin. Absolute fucking disaster of a person. Rotten to the core. But people loved her. Because she listened to them. That's what people said about her, for example, a mother of a disabled son (one of Palin's children has Downs Syndrome): "She listens to me. Nobody listens to me." I don't really have a lot else to say about this. I don't like the Democrats either, obviously, but even removed from party politics, I don't know. We should have a guy in the bar.

[hua-mo-jin-is-a-cutie]

Okay so while I'm thinkin about TOH I want to talk about something that's been bugging me for a while now. And like I just want to preface this by saying this is my opinion and your opinion can be different this really isn't super deep. 

 TOH SPOILERS 

 so.

 Huntllow

             Hunter x Willow has kinda blown up into a big thing recently and like... I dunno. I don't mind it. I don't think it's bad or anything, in fact it's kind of sweet in it's own way. I'm not one to really care about what other people ship, I'm not even mad about things like fucking Lunter (which I don’t like, but I don’t think it’s as bad as people make it out to be. It’s not lesbian erasure to ship a bisexual girl with a boy just because she’s in a commited relationship with a girl in canon. I’m happy to be getting the wlw representation, but luz would be no less queer for liking a boy and besides... it’s a ship... not canon. As long as people shipping Lunter aren’t being blatantly homophobic I see no problem with it existing.)

               I just... okay so Hunter is really not in a position to be in a romantic relationship with the current state of canon. Obviously you can ship Hunter with people, again I do not care, but I just can't really do that. Not with how he is now and what he's been through. Like Hunter isn't even in a healthy enough place to ask for help from people, he doesn't think he really has friends. When he ran from the coven, everyone in the fandom thought he was either going to end up at Willow's place or run into Darius, but that isn't what happened.  And really? We should have seen that coming. If he'd run into Darius the kid would've spiraled even further into panic because for all he knows Darius works for Belos. He wouldn't want to burden Willow, he CANNOT fathom asking for help from anyone.  

             So what does he do instead? He tries to find a safe place in secret. He knows he'll be somewhat safe at Hexide, but he also doesn't tell anyone he's there. He breaks in in secret and stays hidden. He can't trust anyone. A lot of people have been posting things like "Huntllow canon!!" while presenting screenshots of him blushing around her. I would like to take a moment to remind you that Hunter does not know what being loved and respected feels like.  He also shares a common trauma with Willow, they've both been called the same in universe slur. He relates to Willow and respects her a lot. I'm not sure if he considers Willow a friend yet, but if not her certainly wants to. Whether or not he has a romantic crush, I doubt it would be obvious to him if he did. Hunter likely has trouble understanding any of his feelings for the new and kind people in his life. He's never had people like that before, people who care about him truly.  And sure, he only seems to blush around Willow, maybe he does like her or think she's pretty or cool or whatever, but even still, getting into a romantic relationship right now would be a really bad idea considering he is only just now learning to trust people. If he can't even maintain friendships, a romantic relationship would be exceedingly taxing for him. What Hunter really needs is a solid group of friends to learn how to trust before he gets into anything romantic. 

 Again, if you like Huntllow, more power to you. I'm not trying to put anyone down and invalidate their feelings about a ship, I just wanted to share my 2 cents. My opinion is not the end all be all and I'm sure I'm projecting a bit onto Hunter as well. Had to hold myself back from bringing up the complexities of being under the  ACE/ARO umbrella and how it could also relate to Hunters relationships because at that point it really truly is just my own headcanons and projections. Huntllow is fine, I just personally would rather see Hunter get a healthy support system FIRST.

[swimmingleo]

Changes: or to take the higher ground before it's too late

I'm going to be real here folks, I cry ugly tears to this song. Bad.

Changes is a song on Cam's album "The Otherside". It's country, it's folk and it's an album a bit influenced by changes in Cam's life (a change of label, personal life). She collaborated with Harry on the song Changes, as she opened for him on a venue and was already working with Tyler Johnson.

From what I gathered: Harry sent her the demo of the song, implying he made most of the writing on this one. What I'm basing this claim on is her interview for Rolling Stones (read it here):

I heard [the demo] and was just like, “Oh, this ache to outgrow something that you don’t want to outgrow!” It felt so good. I normally don’t take outside songs [...]

‼️DISCLAIMER‼️when analysing this song, I'm gonna go from the idea of it being written with a queer mindset (how surprising of me). Cam rendered the song beautifully and it is very much her own, but I believe Harry's input is consequential. After all that's his lil whistle and cute fishsona in the MV.

Sad queer analysis ahead.

Let's analyse the lyrics first:

There is a town

Somewhere down a country road

The speaker describes the town to us, from memory, from experience. "There it is, down the road, can you picture it ?"

I see it now

I take it everywhere I go

The speaker doesn't currently live in the town, they're on the move (nice throwback to the coutry road). But despite all the travelling, they realize the sedentary smalltown never leaves them. It's part of them. It left a mark on them.

The river sways, I can almost hear it now

As if to say, "You're not the only one who wants a way out"

The town is so real to the speaker they can sense it, eyes and ears. But it gets a bit dark: the river sways like it's trying to leave its bed. The river is envious of the speaker who managed to leave. The town is so toxic even nature wants to get away from it. Or the speaker resents the town so bad that they project their own resentment on the river.

So, I go

'Cause I don't wanna feel like I don't know you anymore

I memorize those roads

This is the call for the speaker to leave for good. Their motive doesn't seem to be ambitious or anything grand. They leave because they apprehend a feeling. Apprehending a feeling, something that may not even happen, is the way of an anxious person. Anxiety is the motive of their departure. However, they still memorize the roads leading to the town, just in case. Perhaps one day they'll come back.

Somewhere out in the big wild country

Someone's fallin' in love in a backseat

Givin' it away

Like their hearts won't ever break

Suddenly it's about love ! Young love, one that is lived in the small compartment of a car, somewhere hidden and safe in the big wild country. As if the countryside was unexplored and threatening.

God bless the young hearts sippin' cheap wine

Gettin' drunk with their friends for the first time

Thinkin' nothing's gonna change

'Til everything changes

The speaker looks at the youth with tenderness, wishing them the best. But once again, they're not in the town in the present time, they don't see the youngsters fooling around, they can only guess from first-hand experience. And it's very specific: falling in love, getting drunk with friends and thinking everything's gonna be easy like that forever until it's not and heartbreak ensues.

From there I hop in with the raw queer theme of those lyrics. It started by falling in love and it ended up in a heartbreak. In between, the speaker got drunk for the first time with their friends, people they trusted enough to let go a little, but in the end everything changed. Why ? Alcohol makes you forget about code of conduct, how you're supposed to behave. It makes you say or do things you might not have done sober.

We can interprete this chorus as the beginning of the end for the speaker. It's the only part of the song evocating the past, and it's fun and easy, but it's also where things started to get bad the way they are in the present. Something might have happened that first time the speaker got drunk and it marked the end of innocence and careless childhood, and it probably has to do with love as no other factor is provided apart from falling in love and heartbreak.

They never leave

They're all havin' babies now

Watchin' daytime TV

Livin' off the gossip of a cruel small town

They. With Harry, it's always You, Me, and They. They are having babies, all of them, like it's not a very difficult thing to do, it's just natural. They have the leisure of the day, not a thing to worry about, if not gossip. It's not implied anymore, the small town is downright cruel. Gossip fuels it, but on behalf of someone else, and that someone is most definitely the speaker who left and who describes its inhabitants in the most mundane way, perhaps with a hint of contempt. The speaker seems bitter.

So, I go

'Cause I don't wanna feel like you don't know me anymore

Don't recognize my face

Reprise of the pre-chorus except now, the speaker provides another reason for their departure. Not only they feared they wouldn't know the town anymore, they also feared being seen as a stranger. It's not like the speaker actually changed physically: but it might as well feel like it. Again, apprehension, anguish. As implied in the chorus, things changed to the point where the speaker feels they would seem like a whole another person to the rest of the town, a stranger, a threat to the integrity of the conservatives. So they leave before this shift in perception can happen.

There ain't nothing here for me anymore

They say they don't hear from me anymore

And I don't wanna hear it anymore

The town is not outwardly hostile. It's still the town that saw the speaker as a kid. The town doesn't understand why the speaker left, but the speaker won't give in and get in touch. They want to be as far away as possible, until they don't hear the questions, the river, everything. It's almost like the speaker doesn't carry the town in their heart at all. They want to forget it all, and it hurts everytime the town tries to lure them back in. The way Cam sings it is painful to me man

Somewhere out in the big wild country

I was fallin' in love in a backseat

Givin' it away

Like my heart won't ever break

Had such a young heart sippin' cheap wine

Gettin' drunk with my friends for the first time

Thinkin' nothing's gonna change

'Til everything changes

Yeah, just the confirmation of the chorus being the speaker's experience. I went ahead and assumed it was already lol but it's like a plot twist effect. It's dramatic. It's a personal song to someone.

TO MAKE IT SHORT to me this song is intense and very in touch with the queer experience. Though it describes a specific situation, it is surprisingly not that detailed or full of metaphors the way Harry often writes: this town could be literally any smalltown in the countryside. The backseat could be the one of any car, cheap wine is something any teen can afford. I like to think Harry wrote it for himself but is also aware so many people went through the same thing, and still will. I have to admit I'm heavily biased writing this, as the experience of a queer kid struggling to find their place in a well settled smalltown is familiar.

GETTING DRUNK AND QUEER IDENTITY is an analogy Harry already used in Fine Line when he sang "We'll get the drinks in so I'll get to thinking of her". To drink is to let go, to unveil the most subconscious aspects of yourself you might not want to deal with otherwise. You don't care about judgement and you get to explore those parts freely. In Changes, this is the last memory they recall before stating the changes and their departure. Perhaps getting drunk for the first time would be when they realized they're queer. Or acted upon it, causing their little world to shake. They chose to leave before it eventually wouldn't feel like a choice anymore. There is no life for people like them in a cruel smalltown.

SMALLTOWN BOY

This song reminds me an awful lot of Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat. The song is about a queer boy having to leave the smalltown where he grew up because of persecutions and no future prospects.

Mother will never understand why you had to leave, Smalltown Boy

They say they don't hear from me anymore, Changes

But the answers you seek will never be found at home, the love that you need will never be found at home

There is nothing here for me anymore

Other people not understanding why they leave. People who can't truly empathize even when they mean no harm. They would never understand the speaker's departure, because those people get to find love and have babies and live a peaceful life in the countryside.

You were the one that they'd talk about around town as they put you down

Livin' off the gossip of a cruel small town

Yeah yeah. I really struggle with just seeing this song as nostalgia when such harsh words are being used. I do believe there is a part of fondness for that town, that countryside setting and the early days. But it's not all tender memories.

CHANGES AND ERODA

Of couuuurse we all noticed the adorable purple fish with the pearl necklace. It represents Harry, no question, as it whistles Harry's part. And of couuuuurse we all made the link with the erodian fish, and some even noticed they formed the bluegreener pair when their colors are inverted.

It makes sense for those fishes to be connected with this interpretation of Changes. Both works are about a small town, lost in the nature, where the people are watching, aware of everything that isn't normal, that is peculiar. The early life of the peculiar boy is similar in every way to the early life of the speaker in Changes. The fish in Adore You grows too big for the island and has to leave, and though Eroda makes amends with the peculiar boy, he leaves as well because his future, his fulfilment, is somewhere else. So does the speaker in Changes.

IN CONCLUSION

The more I write posts like this, the more endeared I am by Harry's world. How Harry writes for himself, but also for other people with songs like this. How nature finds its way in all that he does. How grounded he is, how he doesn't seem to forget where he came from. It really is such a rare thing to see in a mainstream popstar's writing and art. How can someone say he sold his soul to LA is beyond me

[florenceisfalling]

💛 for the ask game :D

💛 - who or what made you realize you were queer?

ok im droppin this under the cut bc i ended up ramblin a LOT forgive me i did NOT need to talk this much

i was in middle school and i met my friend's cousin jayla at a birthday partyyyy!! they talked about the iconic and fucked up lore they had come up with for their monster high dolls!! and i didnt get their number or email or anything and it will forever haunt me bc we could have been besties forever </3

fast forward at least a year later, they were once again at a party, but this time they looked like rise of the guardian's jack frost with a short mess of white hair on top of their head. we sat on the trampoline just talking for like 2 hours about panic! at the disco and batman (of course)

eventually they talked about being pan, and i had heard abt some gay stuff but not that!! they explained it to me and i explained my side of things - at the time, i was very religious and "hate the sin love the sinner" - and despite our disagreement we got along fine!

that night, tho, i kept thinkin bout the pan label and how they described it, so i looked it up online. i found this blog that had a bunch of pan folks talkin abt their experiences and i started to realize how much i related to it (much to my Terror). i remembered how when i was abt 8 years old, i was OBSESSED this one older girl at summer camp who was a lil gnc and very badass - and i realized "ohhh so that obsession was a crush. shit."

after that i went through stages of trying to undo my queerness through the power of The Lord™ but obviously it didnt work! i later settled for the bi label because i felt more connected w it and the history around it.

regarding Gender, i had seen this one silly little blog that drew nico di angelo as very feminine, and seen male singers dressed in skirts and nail polish, and wondered why i wanted to look girly but not in a girl way, just like they did. whenever i posted in forums or posted crossdressing cosplay, and ppl assumed i was a guy, i thought it was So interesting...

and years later i. okay. this is so fucking cringe. but doki doki literature club sparked a bunch of memes about natsuki being flat. and i just kept thinking "whats wrong with that? i would love to be flat like a guy!" and then i started trying to bind with bandages (DONT DO THAT) and layered bras and then it spiraled and holy SHIT my brain exploded. gender moment.

the cool thing is that i still keep finding shit out about myself all the time. i rediscover my own queer identity every damn day

[irkenheretic]

Does Red have that one genetic disorder? What does it do to Irkens who do have it?

OOOHHH OKAY SO this is all gonna be headcanon stuff for ANX (watch me forget to tag the post as such lmao) so itll be canon divergent at points

so The Red Eye Thing, which has no formal name because why would irkens name it, is a linked gene between the gene that causes red eyes, and a genetic disorder that leaves an irken with a little extra chunk of chromosome in a sex cell that made them. (a sex cell is like, either the sperm or the egg, one of those) not an entire extra chromosome, that doesn’t happen among irkens, but a chunk.

you can’t have red eyes without having The Red Eye Thing, so yes red does have it! ^^

i just have to go on record and say that in ANX, irkens still reproduce naturally. they dont mate for fun or keep the young, but its still not artificial. smeets are also VERY IMPORTANT in irken society as they are seen as the future of the empire (like, assaulting a smeet is so universally hated that if someone is jailed for it they will 100% be killed before they ever stand trial. smeet assaulters are so hated that the control brains know this happens and they just let it happen)

so given how societally important smeets are, it tends to be Very Bad for Red Eyes that the main problem their genetic disorder gives them is infertility. theyre basically looked down upon societally because they’re unable to do a basic biological function that even smallers and defectives can do. 

i mentioned they also have hyperpigmented skin in my other ask, but im putting it here again anyway. skin colors from that hyperpigmentation can range from “dark, but still normal irken dark” to “i have never seen a skin color as dark as yours before holy fuck” these edits i did of red are what he looks like in ANX, and hes on the way far end of the spectrum- out of 100+ characters in ANX, some other Red Eyes, he’s the darkest one. the hyperpigmentation is a result of the extra chunk of chromosome lmao

also, Red Eyes have trouble detecting pheromones other irkens give off. this can be just dulled senses, or it can be a total lack of detection, like what Red has. (ur seeing a pattern arent u, red has a more “severe” case of his genetic disorder.)

the gene also causes developmental disorders which... aren’t exactly on a sliding scale per se? it’s kind of like autism where every Red Eye acts differently from each other that there’s no real “universal experience” for how this specific thing presents itself.

the red eye gene is passed on from parent to child, it won’t mutate and it can’t be carried- you either have it or you don’t. 

“but how can that be if they’re infertile!” i said infertile, not sterile. the reason Red Eyes are infertile is because, since the extra chromosome chunk was in a sex cell, at least 50% of their sex cells will be affected with the extra chunk, too. irkens have a biomechanism that purges cells with missing or extra chromosome parts (extra-chromosome irkens are relatively fine, missing-chromosome irkens are like, hatched with no brain or are stillhatches so good that thats... there) 

but since those cells are purged, that’s at least half of the fertile cells. of course if they have a more severe case, like red, it would be more than half. so it is moderatley hard to nigh impossible for Red Eyes to conceive or fertilize, depending on who it is. so since only Red Eyes can pass down The Red Eye Gene, and these bitches rarely have smeets, there’s only like.... one Red Eye per generation, maybe two.

(fun facts: there used to be more Red Eye family lines, but some idiot got it in his head that Red Eyes caused defectiveness and that most defect trials were a false positive so in order to save everyone he needed to kill all Red Eyes, so now there.... aren’t..... any more......) (yes the control brains crazy murdered that idiot. they hate him so much sometimes they go “hey remember the red eye genocide guy? what the fuck, right?”)

so tl;dnr: it’s a genetic disorder caused by an extra chunk of chromosome in either a sperm or egg that made the irken. it causes infertility, hyperpigmentation, low or no ability to detect irken pheromones, and a developmental disorder that presents differently in everyone that has it.

tl;dnr 2: irken down’s syndrome. 

under the cut im gonna go on about how society sees irkens with this condition (under the cut because.... sexual assault tw. also ableism tw)

Red Eyes are seen as... well... broken pieces of shit. before red was tallest, there WAS another Red Eye Tallest in recent history- tallest Zim. (NO RELATION to invader zim haha) zim becoming tallest made Red Eyes not be.... as hated, but there’s still this societal idea of “you are a broken piece of shit and your cells should have been purged.... buuuut if you do something above and beyond whatever it is your job is, we Might think you’re cool. also we probably won’t say this to your face but we’re thinking it really hard at you, and you KNOW we’re thinking it, so there’s no point in not saying it, but we still won’t so you cant claim we hate you. but make no mistake, we do.” so red just had, the BEST time growing up.

remember in my last ask, i said Red Eyes are liked a little too well sometimes? well... due to their infertility, they’re frequent targets for rape, especially in the military, since military irkens aren’t allowed to mate. nab a Red Eye and you can have all the fuck you want without any, er, evidence. red honestly was lucky he was constantly stickied to purple as an elite, otherwise Horrible Things could’ve happened.

was the general populace worried about a Red Eye tallest? yes. yes they were, back when it was tallest zim. they thought he’d be shit at it due to how “broken” he was. there was a LOT of public outcry, especially since zim was on the shorter side of tallests. they were ready to be all “see, Red Eyes are NOTHING,” until zim was actually an amazing tallest. he was so good the control brains liked him, and the only other modern tallest they actually liked was miyuki. he did great things for the empire, everyone loved him. when tallest red became tallest, everyone was much less worried. but they were still thinkin it, ya dig. 

is red related to tallest zim? yes, zim is red’s grandfather.

is red’s tendency to forget words a part of his developmental disorder? it could be, could not be. there’s not much of a sample size due to yknow, the genocide, so there’s no-one to compare his symptoms against. the disorder presents differently in everyone so even if red is the only living Red Eye with that symptom, doesnt mean its NOT a symptom ya dig? but im gonna word of god it and say yes it is

can you have the same chromosome thing without being a Red Eye? yes! in this ask i talk about spork having a learning disability- he has the same chromosome thing, it just gives him different symptoms because he doesnt have the specific instance that red eyes have.

can you have red eyes without the chromosome thing? no, the gene for red-colored eyes is stickied to the Extra Chunk gene, and unlike chromosome issues, which can happen to any irken, an irken will not randomly mutate a gene for red-colored eyes.

is the term “red eye” derogatory? it was EXTREMELY derogatory before tallest zim took power. now it’s just a general term for a red eyed irken, but... irkens will still use it in an insulting way. like... “queer” is the best parallel i can draw. used to be a slur, now is a general term, but some people still clearly use it as a slur against others. 

are red eyes called slurs? YES. they are targets for The Word. The Worst Word In The Irken Language, So Bad You Can’t Even Call It “The __ Word” Because It’s Too Close To Saying The Word. It Is Just, “The Word.” it used to be WAY worse before the genocide, simply because there were more of them. it decreased even more after tallest zim took power, but make no mistake, it’s still out there. also The Word translates out to “condemned obsolete bastard” with a side order of “the beginning of The Word sounds like im spitting on you and thats also exactly what it means.” its an awful slur its like if every human slur had an orgy

(was red called slurs growing up- YES.)

are Red Eyes defective? they can be! defectiveness is in the PAK, not in an irken’s biology. that’s why they’re called genetic disorders and not genetic defects, to separate them from the “we are going to execute you” defectiveness. they’re still scorned as if they are defective, though. sometimes theyre called “worse than defectives” as a jab at their infertility- like, even the empire’s worst can do that, ya dig? 

back in The Old Days, there was probably a mix of defective and non-defective Red Eyes. now they’re all defective by coincidence. 

[kachinnate]

reblogn’t, there’s nothing too triggery about this it’s just semi personal re: how one of my ex-best friends ruined lgw from b//mc for me and also just like... in the same vein the Less Discussed portion of my spring of ‘19 Traumas bc this ex-best friend out of 3 caused the least damage and therefore in my mind he got away with a lot more

i’ve just been thinkin about it a lot, idk. i don’t think i’ve ever talked about this specific thing to anyone (explicitly or in detail) and it’s bothered me for so long and i know talking about it on here fixes nothing rlly but.. idk! some kayla lore if you wanted it, mayhaps this will get deleted in like ten minutes after being posted so get it hot while you can

just for context my junior year of high school (aka the Worst One) i drove my at-the-time best friend to school every day -- we lived like a street away from each other, and he didn’t like the Bus and he wasn’t always able to take his mom’s car because we both did theatre together and therefore would be at the school for a Long Ass Time, and like... he was my friend! so i drove him to school! and.. in times like that, it was a good incentive to get myself up, too, cuz shit was lowkey rough back then and i’d feel bad if i made both of us late. 

said best friend was super into musical theatre - like, he wanted to be a musical theatre major, so he’s super well versed on like Most Musicals all the classics w/e .. snob doesn’t feel like the right word bc sometimes he genuinely Did like stuff that was simply Silly/dumb for the sake of it being Silly/dumb but it’s the closest word i can think of. i was constantly embarrassed that my favorite musical was d//eh, and to this day he still barely knows anything about it because 1. he himself didn’t listen/pay much attention to it and 2. despite it literally being my hyperfixation since like my sophomore year, i didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about it bc of what few criticisms he gave it. but he did know it was my fav, he knew that i had a Love for w/rol bc i talked abt him a lot. 

lgw was the first thing from b//mc broadway to get released - and i know like 3-4 different versions of it got released too lmao but this was like the Very First One, i’d never heard it before! i didn’t realize it’d been released until i was idling in front of his house so naturally i was like “oh bet let’s listen to it together” 

he didn’t really like b//mc either for the same reasons he didn’t like d//eh, but it was like... much less so, idk - he liked m//itb so like i figured it was indifference at best.. but regardless uh my fuckin car i’m gonna listen to it if i want to <3 also like if it was good i doubt he’d care abt what it was from 

anyway, he got in, and i played it. the drive to school isn’t that far, so it finished like, while we were in the busy lane waiting to turn into our high school

and like i was really “:DD” bc like it was good that w/rol note held out at the end was kinda Magical and also in context of the musical??? wow YES jeremy finally getting his Protagonist Song(tm) he deserves it and it makes me feel !!!

i hadn’t said anything yet, but literally the first words out of my friend’s mouth were some semblance of “wow, that was terrible” which like. yeah. killed the mood pretty quick skdjgnsdf

he like started digging Into it like making fun of the chorus and will’s voice and i was kinda just quiet like “oh,,, i guess,,” bc i didn’t know what else to do, like i felt bad immediately trying to defend it bc i’d only heard it that One time and also confrontation is hard and confrontation specifically w him was hard, especially bc he was like Genuinely ragging on the song, not in a jokey way

and like.... he eventually stopped because he could tell i was genuinely getting distressed and he kept going like “hey it’s nbd kayla it’s not like you wrote the song” which jsdkgsd to this day i’m not sure what that means or why he thought it’d be comforting but. whatever. the whole thing made me feel really bad and inferior 

in the coming weeks of the actual b//mc soundtrack getting released he also made fun of ilpr at one point, how st/ephanie h/su was “”too much”” or something - idk. those criticisms didn’t bug me as much bc at that point i’d already been resigned about the whole thing, and it’s not like i played that song for him and he said that, he’d listened to it on his own time and just thought for some reason to mention it to me. 

and it’s frustrating, because i can’t even be like “he just doesn’t like new musicals”, bc he really liked h//adestown and there’s usually a musical or two from the tony’s every year he gets into, it was just like... the ones i liked he didn’t [pensive] and i know i know it wasn’t personal, he’s just LIKE that, but .... aughhh it really bothered me when he’d dig into stuff i liked and was always just like “u didn’t write it u didn’t make it” like that was supposed to make my interest in this Thing despite his Distaste ok.... 

and like despite this he was still the person i was closest to - this was merely a blip in the whole grand scheme of things, just.. something that bugged me. it took me until after i graduated to realize he’d been a sociopath, that he was never choosing me, i was just.. around, which. sucks. i spent a lot of time sitting with him in my car in front of his house talking about musicals and life for more hours than i’d like to admit. when he broke down crying on his 18th birthday telling us that he didn’t know if he’d ever be enough, i thought that i’d actually started to understand him. 

he’d been my ‘best friend’ since elementary school. i dated him at one point before we both realized we were queer. we’d been the only two seniors who’d been in every show together. despite all the bullshit, he was always there. he assimilated to the personality of our friend group every year when we were around different people, but he was still around, i was still always there for him - he couldn’t assimilate to my personality because to him there were no traits to take, we’d known each other for too long. 

a couple weeks into senior year, i full on sobbed to him in my car telling him about how he and the friend group made me feel so bad last year, told him about how i stopped taking my meds during the musical. he told me that he had no idea that i was feeling like that, that he didn’t know. but i’d driven him to school every day.

the last time we’ve talked in person was march 14th, the last day school for the 2019-2020 year was in session. 

i haven’t taken it off, but i skip lgw whenever it comes on my musical playlist because it still makes my chest feel tight.

[tippitv]

Supernatural TippiTV Recap: 14-13 “Lebanon”

Okay before we get started. This is a long one and while I think it's pretty funny if I do say so myself, there's also a lot of me just... frickin ranting about John Winchester and rushed plots. If you loved this episode and don't want to see someone snarking about it, this might not be the recap for you.

On the other hand if you're like me and come from the TWoP tradition of snarking about the things we love most, then come on in!

THEN!

Two children talk about how their dad is on a hunting trip and hasn't been home in a while.

Oh wait... holy crap it's Sam and Dean. It took a sec to recognize them without the gravelly voices and almost 14 years of soul-crushing despair.

We also get a reminder of very recent episodes, including the one where Mary learns about the time John threw young Dean's food away because it reminded him of her. It's important to remember what an abusive, hardened asshole John Winchester was... so that we can forget it! Forget it all!

[insert video of recapper letting out a Klingon scream]

NOW!

Sam and Dean mosey on into a pawn shop that I'm positive is in the US because they never leave the US but there's a sign that says the shop buys "jewellery" which is how they spell it in places that also spell "flavor" with a u. Dean flashes a big wad of cash to get the broker to show them "the good stuff."

By this, he means the magical goods, although the secret room looks like a high school drama department prop closet.

Dean says they're looking for the skull of a woman who was executed during the Salem witch trials. While the broker goes looking for it, Sam picks up a teddy bear from, you know, a shelf full of cursed and magical items because it's not as if stuffed animals have ever been dangerous. <cue ironic flashback>

Luckily he's warned away from it before he can unleash some kind of... Pooh demon... probably.

Anyway, it turns out having the skull proves that the broker killed a friend of theirs or something... Honestly, very little of this is going to have any bearing on anything. Long story short, fisticuffs ensue and Dean shoots the broker while he's expositing to Sam. "They always talk too much," Dean says.

Sam and Dean decide to take a bunch of magical items home with them. Although... what if they rightfully belong to other peop---ah screw it.

Okay now... here comes a long, boring subplot about teenagers back in Lebanon, Kansas. The main thing that's pertinent to the show is that Sam and Dean have a certain reputation around town. And no wonder! They park right in front these teenagers and start talking about shit they would never want anyone to hear.

They head into the world's skimpiest liquor store and the owner addresses them as "the Campbell brothers." Say whaaaat? Have they been using their mom's maiden name for a while and I just missed it? I mean, I guess it makes sense because... Actually, I don't remember how much stuff is still in their world about the infamous Winchesters. Like I legit can't remember if Charlie or someone erased their FBI/police records or if it was just some fanon someone told me about.

Also, nothing says "real liquor store" like shelves of bottles turned so that their name brands don't show.

Anyway, Sam stage-whispers to Dean about an ancient Chinese pearl that grants "what your heart desires."

The plan is to get Michael out of his head, but they notice someone is driving off with the Impala. They run out to confront one of the teenagers about it. He confesses that a girl named Max is the culprit, so that we can spend several minutes on this subplot instead of the much more emotional and important main plot.

I mean, we go from the post office to a pizza joint to an old house on the edge of town to catch up to the Impala. Max has apparently brought all that lethal “secret” stuff inside for a party. The camera lingers on that teddy bear again as if it's going to be important to the plot later.

Max, the car thief, has a crush on a girl and ISTG I was prepared to be mad if she died. Like I don't even want this whole subplot at all but I'd be puh-hissed if they had queer characters on just to kill one. Luckily I was wrong and neither of them die. However, the dialog is killing me. "I'm sooo excited for pizza." Tell me you can't imagine Lumpy Space Princess saying that.

Apparently the ghost of John Wayne Gacy (sigh) was waiting for the kids to go in search of pizza before oozing out of a cigar box the Winchesters brought from the pawn shop.

Why is his ghost dressed as a clown? I mean yes I know Gacy was a children's party clown, but it's not like he died in that outfit. Aren't ghosts supposed to be wearing what they died in? OH GOD WHY DO I CARE.

The Winchesters show up and scoot everyone out of the house, but not before at least one kid sees the ghost. Sam zeroes in on the cigar box and Dean points out how Sam's love of serial killers and hatred of clowns are in conflict.

Of course, some of the kids come back in just as the ghost goes up in flames. Sam and Dean decide to just... tell them the whole truth instead of just lying. Like..."Yo, one of the things you stole was secret holographic tech and you could face prison time if you talk about it." See? Easy peasy. Instead, they just trust the kids to never talk about ghosts being real and meeting actual ghost hunters.

I briefly wondered if this was some kind of back door pilot for teen hunters, but I haven't heard anything about that. Granted I didn't actually look that hard.

Once back at the bunker, Sam finds the magic pearl but it's kinda... chalky and medicinal looking. It looks like something Goop would sell to stick up your hoohaw.

Dean decides there's no time to wait because we've already spent too long on teenagers playing hooky. Like, even Sam doesn't really know how to use it. "I guess you just concentrate on what your heart desires," he says, scrunching his face uncertainly. I mean what if this had happened

The music swells dramatically. The lights flicker off dramatically. A shadowy figure approaches... dramatically. Fisticuffs ensue! It's a nice callback to Dean and Sam fighting in the dark in the pilot episode because ta da! It's actually John Winchester! Which we all knew because this was foretold in promotions.

The lights come up, showing... just a whole lot of things for me to process.

Now, at first, things don't seem that weird. We've seen people come back from the dead so many times, it's basically as surprising as buying socks at this point. Except! John isn't back from the dead at all! He's traveled through time! He eventually tells us he's from the year TWO THOUSAND AND THREE. TWO ZERO ZERO THREE.

He's both three years younger than the last time the bros saw him AND 13 years older, because for Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and all the rest of us mortals, time has marched on. Consequently, John Winchester looks like he got stuck in a wormhole for a good while.

Now, kudos to John for recognizing his sons, especially Sam, who looked a little something like this the last time they saw each other.

"Aren't you supposed to be in Palo Alto?" he asks Sam. "And also not a middle-aged man?" he doesn't ask, but I bet he was thinkin' it.

It's just... sigh. I might as well get it all out now. I get what they were going for here. It's the 300th episode and they wanted to have John show up. But because everything is so rushed, they just gloss over anything remotely realistic to the characters. John is all softness and awe the instant the lights go up, instead of bristling and suspicious. Why wouldn't he think it was a djinn or some other creature's doing? "Well we don't have time for him to be as flinty and wary as John would have been in 2003, because we need to get to the part where he spends quality time with his family!" YES EXACTLY. The show is three hundred episodes old now and it deserves more than this speedy treatment put together seemingly for the concomitant promotional opportunity.

Anyway they have a Sit-n-Chat to catch John up on what they've been doing, including the living situation there at the bunker which includes an angel and the son of Lucifer. Goodness only knows what John is picturing.

Now that I think about it, the brothers should be hella wary too. I mean, what if the pearl is cursed? What if John is actually some shambling interdimensional beast masquerading as John? What if the whole thing is just a hallucination brought on by nefarious moon herbs in Paltrow's pookie pearl? They just uncharacteristically seem to rely on the pawn broker's ledger.

Fine! Fine! I’ll drop it.

They talk about how they met John's dad via time travel, too, but don't mention that's why John never saw him again after childhood. They talk about the Men of Letters, finally killing old Yellow Eyes, saving the world... Then just when they're about to tell him that Mary's back from the dead, she actually shows up and starts calling to her sons. What a coincidence! John is pained.

It seems like they didn't tell her, either? Did they just tell her to come over for a surprise or did she just happen to be on her way there anyway? Anyway John and Mary start in on a smoochy reunion so Sam and Dean quietly leave the room.

Sam's like, "How'd this happen?" And Dean's like, "We spent too much time on the teenager subplot instead of looking into this potentially dangerous thing, is how!"

For some reason, John is perusing the library alone instead of... um... making up for lost time with his hot wife. Sam goes to talk to him and finds out Mary's off writing a shopping list for Dean so she can make that emotionally important casserole again. This leads John to admit he fucked up with his kids. Sam is reluctant to blame John because he's had almost 13 years to get over it.

I hate that everyone's acting their little hearts out and all I can think is how painfully contrived the episode is. Whatever problems I have with the writing and the premise, I don't have a problem with the job the actors are doing. Okay, okay, I'm really letting go of it this time.

John rubs Sam's shoulder and tearfully says, "Son, I am so sorry." The cellos of sadness play sadly. "I'm sorry, too," says Sam. "You did your best, Dad. You fought for us, you loved us... that's enough."

It's one thing to decide you're going to move past the shitty, shitty things someone did because you're in the midst of the enormity of what's going on RIGHT NOW. But it's another thing for the show to minimize the past. John did NOT do his best. For fuck's sake, he left a little boy in charge of an even littler boy! Dean knew his Dad was possessed because his REAL dad would never be proud of him! When Dean stole food to feed Sam, John abandoned him to face the consequences!

God damn it I guess I'm not going to let it go, after all!

Anyway, Sam and Dean head into town for groceries and time paradoxes. The liquor store owner no longer recognizes Dean, which is the surest sign that something is Very Wrong. Dean is flabbergasted. "It's me! Dean Campbell! I come in here like... always!"

As Sam heads back to the car, he sees a wanted poster for his bro. It's the old Blue Steel one except I think Sam used to be on it too? He's not anymore. He heads back to the car to tell Dean, but Dean's already been a-googlin' on his phone.

He plays back a video of Sam as a turtleneck-wearing lawyer espousing a raw food diet with plenty of kale. Good lord how much raw food does someone the size of Sam have to eat to fulfill his daily caloric needs?

They kind of hand-wave how these new versions of themselves exist at the same time as the OG versions. "Our timeline is changing to this new one!" Sam says. He says they need to put things back the way they were or they'll be stuck. It's nice of the timeline to work slowly enough that they can figure this out.

Somewhere nearby, the angel Zachariah appears. Castiel moseys up beside him and he's brought some old friends.

They decide to head into the nearest pizza place. The teenagers are there because not even a paradox will get rid of this subplot. "Can I help you?" asks the waitress. I think the usual question would be, "Can I get you a table for two?" but whatever. Zachariah asks her who's been messing with time. "We sensed a disturbance in the, well, let's call it the Force," he says. Naturally, she's very confused, and even more confused when he says they're from Heaven.

He says he'll have Castiel murder everyone if they don't tell him what's going on. To emphasize this, Castiel whips out his angel mojo.

Sam and Dean see the bright light from across the street and come running in. Sam's like, "Zachariah?!" and Dean's like, "Cas?!" and Cas is like, "Is that with one S or two, and also who are you?"

Zachariah exposits that Heaven had big plans for the Winchesters but then their dad suddenly disappeared in 2003. Why wouldn't the angels assume the disappearance and the time event are connected? Why'd they have to just start asking questions in a random pizzeria? Fisticuffs ensue!

Zachariah force-chokes Sam while asking him for an explanation. Why do villains always try to make people talk while they're choking? Pick one or the other! But this gives Sam a chance to surprise Zachariah with an angel blade in the heart. Oh, Zachariah. Destined to die by Winchester in every version.

Meanwhile, Dean and Castiel are still tussling even though I'm pretty sure Castiel could kill them both pretty quick. Sam joins in for a bit, but gets flung into a table. If there's a table around, someone's getting flung into it. Then he goes back to strangling Dean instead of finishing off Sam, giving Sam a chance to make one of those angel-vanquishing sigils with his own blood.

They go back home. Dean explains the whole paradox thing to John. If he doesn't return to 2003, Dean will live the same life but alone, Mary will never have come back to life, and Sam will devastate kale crops like a moose-sized locust.

John agrees to go back. "Me versus your mom, that's not even a choice." That's... a weird way to phrase that dilemma. At the same time, Sam is delivering the news to Mary. He says "the lore is pretty clear" that if they destroy the pearl, everything goes back the way it was. What lore? They knew jack squat about it before they used it. Mary has some questions.

John tells Dean he's proud of him and I slightly expect Dean to whip a gun out on him. "I never meant for this.... I guess I hoped that eventually you get yourself a normal life..a family..."

WHAT.

WHAAAAAT.

He did nothing to prepare them for a normal life! Leaving your kids in motel rooms, never letting them settle down in one school, issuing ultimatums when Sam wanted to go to college? Man, Dean should've been like, "Nah, that was your other son, Adam, who got to live a normal life... at least until a ghoul ate him and his body was used by an archangel." But Dean is nicer than me, I guess. "I have a family," he says.

They decide to eat dinner even though who knows when the timeline is going to snap into place permanently. Oh my God they even take the time to wash the dishes after. They have a nice chat and again, everyone's acting their little hearts out and I'm trying not to be distracted. Dean tells Sam he doesn't want to change the past. "I'm good with who I am. I'm good with who you are." Please let that stick with no reversions to self-loathing and I'll retroactively like this episode more.

They cut to this shot and for a second I thought it was Sam and Dean holding hands at the sink.

Of course it's John and Mary. Sad piano plays sadly. John's not going to remember anything, but the rest of them will. Oh man what if John got Mary pregnant during his visit. Sam and Dean were out shopping for a while. I wish I hadn't thought that, but now that I have, you all have to be witness to my horrible brain's meanderings.

John reiterates that he's proud of them. So this time Sam pulls a gun on him! No, he doesn't. They all hug and cry genuine tears before John goes back to holding hands with Mary. Sam reluctantly smashes the pearl to bits. Seems like Dean would have to be the one to smash it since he's the one who made the wish, but it works and John slowly fades out of the present.

Everything goes back to normal, including the teenagers remembering and loudly discussing the existence of monsters in public.

Castiel returns to the bunker in his newer, homelier coat and less erotically tousled hair. "What happened?" he asks. The response in my brain:

Back in 2003, John wakes up in the Impala to the sound of his flip phone ringing. Smart phones are great and all but man I miss the battery life of my flip. It's the Dean of the day calling to check on him. John, although he's not supposed to remember anything from the future, seems to have experienced it as some kind of dream. He seems nicer, too. This will probably have no bearing on the timeline, though... right?

I mean, is that 2019 casserole still in his stomach? Did the wine turn back into grapes? Probably not but these are the kinds of things I think about.

Sigh.

I feel the episode does a disservice to its main characters. I've already ranted more than enough so I'll just pick one example:

If Sam had gone on to live a normal life, he would've become a cold-hearted douchebag who tells people that hobbies and families are a waste of time. Like, ha ha yes it's amusing that Sam is the leaf-munching Steve Jobs of law, but what's the meaning here? Are we saying that wanting to get an education for himself means he's a selfish asshole? Like this is the alternative to the codependent relationship with Dean that formed because of their father? Argh.

The John apologia is just so clunky and unnecessary. John could've said, "I should've done more than teach you to hunt monsters... prepared you for a normal life so you could have a family." Then Dean ccould say, "Being able to kill monsters kept us alive long enough so that we figured out things for ourselves. And we do have a family." Bam! It lets John be rueful without rewriting the past or having Dean swallow all the years of hurt and it even acknowledges that knowing how to hunt isn't a bad thing.

Thank you for sticking with the recap to the end! I do still intend to recap past episodes but things have been kind of stressful. Just staying afloat has been a chore some days.

For updates and info you can check here: https://www.gofundme.com/winter-rent-and-dog-care

I also have a virtual tip jar of sorts here: https://www.paypal.me/tippiblevins

[that-curly-haired-lesbian]

Could you do a queer analysis of Getaway Car? I'm curious about your opinion. For me it's the most difficult to interpret from reputation. Some think it's swiftgron, other that it's about CH/TS. I think it's about bearding in general. The 1st part about CH/TS "worst of crimes" = the longest beard. But then it sounds like 2014 kaylor (not bearding) and kissgate "It was the great escape, the prison break The light of freedom on my face But you weren’t thinkin’ And I was just drinkin'" Thank you!

Hi everyone and happySunday!

Out of all the songson Reputation Getaway Car is one ofthe most popular, but as anon says it seems to be the one we as a fandom havethe most difficulty agreeing on what or who it’s actually about.

Some are thinking Dianna andSwiftgron, while others, like anon here are thinking bearding (andoften specifically CH or TH)

Personally I tend tofall into the Swiftgron camp, I think the song is about the ending of Taylorand Dianna’s relationship and how close they came to actually picking eachother over their careers (aka escaping the industry, with its systematichomophobia and bearding practices.) Here’s a Swiftgron master post for ahelpful timeline that brings up/explains stuff about the relationship I maymention in the analysis below.

Since it is one ofthe most complex and narratively interesting songs on the newest album it hasbeen heavily analyzed already (the analyses linked above are both excellent andprovided a lot of inspiration for this analysis) but I decided to put it on mylist anyway. I hope I can give you a satisfying and while perhaps not all thatrefreshing, at the very least interesting take on the lyrics.

Before we actuallystart looking at them I’d like to share some of my general thoughts on the song.

We all know Taylor isa brilliant singer and a wonderful songwriter, but what first drew me, a loverof stories to her music was the fact that first and foremost Taylor is astoryteller. From start to finish GetawayCar is a story and a complex one in ways that we’ll get into as thisanalysis progresses.

Taylor has picked (apossibly crime-fueled) road trip sort of theme (no, not THAT road trip) for thestory she wants to tell.

On the surface thesong chronicles the fate of two lovers on some sort of crime spree, or at leaston a road trip escaping their everyday lives in order to be together far awayfrom it all…Sounds familiar as far as lesbian fiction goes, wouldn’t you say?Someone knows their queer pop culture, nice one, Tay!

Unlike the semi-happyending of Carol or the sad andupsetting one of lesbian Bonnie and Clyde(or you know, straight Bonnie and Clyde too, actually) though, it doesn’tend with one of them dying.

Instead it all endswith one of them betraying the other and escaping with their stolen goodsleaving their partner to take the fall and presumably be arrested.

It is fairly easy toconclude that this plot is not to be taken as autobiographical, obviouslyTaylor didn’t rob a bank with a past lover, but she might’ve done somethingthat betrayed said lover’s trust and when writing a song about the incident sheused this escaping-the-law-thing as a metaphor for what actually happened inher own relationship. I think you’re all with me so far, but how do we connectthe story being told here to Swiftgron? Well, let’s look at it and see.

Oh, but also, beforeI forget, my usual disclaimers:

This is just mespeculating, I could be extremely wrong and everyone is free to speculate asmuch as they want on what this lyrical masterpiece is about.

Lyrics cred goes toAZLyrics yet again.

Now let’s start theactual analysis!

–

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car…

–

It’s been reported that Dianna actually proposed toTaylor as a sort of last, desperate attempt to save their relationship. After gettingback together yet again and enduring months and months of back and forth Diannasupposedly threw the idea of marriage out there and Taylor, forced to berealistic about her career and her life in general had to say no, thus endingthe relationship. I assume though, that Taylor didn’t say no immediately, atfirst she considered what would happen if she said yes.

Well, for starters it’d be the end of all the bearding,she could escape that part of her life if she actually came out, but it alsomost likely meant that she’d have to give up her career (at least mainstream,big-time success…cuz ew, homophobia.)

She considered it however, for a moment she consideredgetting into that getaway car Dianna was providing and just drive away from itall, all the fame and the fake PR games (LuckyOne vibes, anyone?) in order to be with her girlfriend, but then sheactually truly started thinking about it and realized that for this to workthey’d have to pull off something akin to a freaking heist.

Their coming out process would be complicated andwould most likely hurt both of their images considerably + both of theirmanagements at the time seems to have been pretty pro-closet, so coming outwould be challenge and a risky one at that.

If they’d actually be able to pull that off their marriage(and by association the rest of their lives together) would start in the dustof their public come out and all the drama that’d come with that.

Taylor fearedtheir (already rocky) relationship wasn’t strong enough to survive the public’sreaction to them coming out and getting married. In addition to that theirmarriage would’ve been born out of frustration, they’d both just about had itwith the closeting process and the PR games in their respective industries and+ they wanted to save their relationship which was rapidly falling apart,perhaps not only due to both of thembeing forcibly closeted, but I’m sure that didn’t…you know, help.

A marriage built from a combination of thosecircumstances doesn’t strike me as one that will last and Taylor seems to havecome to the same conclusion. (A reoccurring theme in her songs for Dianna is agut feeling or a knowledge that no matter how much they want to, they won’tlast forever) so she decides that they shouldn’t get married, shouldn’t try toescape their miserable, straight-passing PR lives this way because the marriagethat would come from that wouldn’t be a strong and enduring one.

After all nothing good starts in a getaway car, orfrom a need escape something (bearding) while holding onto something else (afailing relationship) that very clearly won’t last.

Criminals trying to escape the law will get caughtsooner or later and two closeted women won’t be able to be together without PRdrama if they don’t come out. In both cases it is pointless to try and escapethe inevitable (capture by police, or putting the crime metaphor aside,eventual outing) and if they do manage to put these things off it’s onlytemporary and not the foundation for something lasting or good.

–

It was the best of times, the worst of crimes

–

Generally Taylor seemed quite happy in herrelationship with Dianna, but their relationship was also torrid and prettydramatic and in Wonderland shedescribes it as “Never worse, but neverbetter” and what’s happening here seems to be similar. Taylor is happy andin love, having the best time, but just being happy and in love with another woman is basicallyconsidered a crime in her line of work. Homosexuality is insanely taboo in theentertainment industry, as a celebrity it seems to be just about the worstthing you can do (unless you’re already out at the start of your career andthus marketed as a gaysinger/actor/performer.)

So while Taylor was happy and in love she was alsoaware that the general public would judge her harshly if they found out she’sgay, in their eyes that’d be a betrayal of trust since she’d “lied” to themabout being straight, she might as well have murdered a man (aka committed acrime) as far as the hets are concerned.

Also as we knowin many parts of the world being gay IS in fact a literal crime, it’s evenconsidered so bad you could get death penalty for it in multiple countries.While that’s (thankfully) not the case in the U.S “the worst of crimes” seems afitting way to describe that atrocity that’s a reality for many LGBT+ peopleelsewhere. I hate this world with a burning passion!

…Okaaaaay,let’s not talk about that anymore… 🤮🤮🤮

–

I struck a match and blew your mind

But I didn’t mean it

And you didn’t see it

–

Matches are a recurring motif in many Taylor songs (atthe top of my head I can think of PictureTo Burn and Dear John) and mostoften they seem to signify ending a relationship or getting over someone.

Here they seem to allude to Taylor trying and failingto convince a proposing Dianna (and herself) that she couldn’t say yes and thatthey’d have to break up.

Dianna had been so desperate to save theirrelationship and so convinced Taylor felt the same desperation and thereforewould say yes that she wasn’t ready to get any other answer. When Taylorstarted explaining why saying yes wasn’t realistic (or “struck the match” aka essentially broke up) it blew Dianna’s mind,it wasn’t at all the response she’d expected as she’d convinced herself thatgetting married was the logical next step since they didn’t want to lose eachother.

Taylor wanted to be able to say yes, she wanted tobelieve their dysfunctional relationship could still be saved. So when sheresponded to the proposal she didn’t want to believe what she heard herself say,it’s not what she wanted to say (“I didn’t mean it”) and Dianna refusedto admit Tay was right. (“You didn’t seeit” “it” being the truth of their doomed love.) They were both clinging to an already lost hope, much like twodelusional criminals thinking they will be able to escape police forever.

–

The ties were black, the lies were white

In shades of gray and candlelight

–

Black ties makes one think of formal events orcorporate business dealings, kind of like how Taylor’s hetero relationships arenothing but business and how they  tellwhite little lies in order to sell the hetero story like the business deal itis. (“they” in this context being Team Taylor, but also Dianna’s team sincethey seem to employ much of the same techniques to keep the girls closeted, orat least they did before Taylor got rid of her old publicist and hired Tree.)

The mentions of black and white also makes me think ofhow all Taylor’s bearding relationships seem almost painfully simplistic, theyare either in love or they aren’t, it’s all the tired fairy-tale view of lovewith the prince and princess (code word for “straight woman” in much of Taylor’smusic, remember?) It’s all very black and white, much like black ties and whitelies. This PR-version of love is put in opposition to Taylor’s actual (gay)love life where everything is more complicated and realistic. For example twopeople who still love each other might have to break up, because their lovesimply isn’t enough to keep them together anymore. In other words, in this realversion of Taylor Swift’s love life everything doesn’t always work out so Disney-like, it’s often more complicated(and less straight) than the black and white narrative of her public lovelife.  (“Shades of grey”) but stillromantic most of the time (“candle light.”)

“Shades of grey” could of course also be a referenceto the Fifty Shades Of Grey series ofbooks/movies, a primary example of something that a vast majority of peopleseem to consider romantic when it actually is quite abusive and gross (x)rather like the structures keeping someone in a straight PR-relationship thatfronts a false sense of perfect and desirable romance while the reality of thatrelationship is something else entirely. 🤔

Yes, I do know Taylor wrote a song for one of the 50 Shades movies so maybe she likes themand does consider them romantic (or it was just an attempt to make her publicpersona edgier in preparation for Reputationand the “death of the old Taylor”) but as a self-proclaimed feminist (and avery smart woman) I have a hard time believing the abusive, patriarchal andheteronormative implications of those books/films got past Taylor.

In my opinion she might’ve drawn a pretty cleverparallel between the romanticized but clearly problematic relationship depictedin Fifty Shades   and the romanticizing of her own publicrelationships that are as shallow and void of any deeper substance as thewriting and story in those novels. This is very clearly a reach and I don’t pretend toknow anything of Taylor’s taste in literature, but I thought it was kind offunny to be honest. 😂

–

Iwanted to leave him

I needed a reason

–

Who is this “him”? Well, it could either be her beard(most likely Harry Styles if this was back in the Swiftgron days) or thebearding/entertainment industry as a whole. It seems that by the time she metDianna Taylor was tired of hiding and bearding and by now it seems she mostcertainly is. In previous analyses we’ve touched on the idea that many gaycelebrities are forced to choose between a fulfilling personal life and asuccessful career and this song isn’t the first time Taylor’s flirted with theidea of picking the former. (Lucky One)However, at that point in her career she felt she couldn’t just up and leavewithout giving her fans and explanation and coming out and getting married to awoman seemed reason enough. She wants out of the bearding system, so thereforeit’s tempting to say yes to the proposal even though she knows it most likelywon’t work out.

–

X marks the spot, where we fell apart

–

This is probably just a reference to one of Taylor’sfavorite songs by Hilary Duff, BreatheIn, Breathe out (x) but it could alsobe a reference to bearding being what made Swiftgron fall apart.

Often in bearding and PR relationship contracts areinvolved (See: Blank Space) and mostoften legal documents such as contracts are signed with a person’s signature,but sometimes they are signed with simple x’s.Admittedly that’s most often when a party is unable to provide their written signaturefor one reason or another, but this may be the safest way to hint atcontract-signing in the song without flat-out saying it. With this in mind Taylorcould be saying that putting an x on(or signing) all of those contracts and agreeing to “play straight” as much asboth women were doing put a strain on their relationship and led to its demise.

–

He poisoned the well, I was lying to myself

–

To “poison the well” means to discredit someone’sargument or point. Once again “he” makes an appearance and like I said I think“he” represents the bearding practice as a whole, or possibly the girls’publicists or PR teams. Their previous history with bearding andstraight-passing had poisoned the well in the sense that they’d make coming outa challenge. Everyone assumes both girls to be straight so were they tosuddenly claim to be gay everyone would try to disprove this with references totheir previous history with dating and they’d have no way to dismiss thiswithout admitting to bearding which would frankly probably be a PR disaster.Taylor’s saying that if she tried to convince herself that they could getmarried and then come out without major complications she was lying to herself,she wouldn’t be able to leave “him” as easily as Dianna was trying to convinceher and deep down Taylor knew this even if she didn’t want to believe it.Simply put, Taylor was lying to herself by thinking coming out would bepossible, let alone easy.  

–

I knew it from the first old fashioned, we were cursed

–

So, an old fashioned is a kind of drink and maybe thatdrink holds a special meaning in relation to Taylor and Dianna’s relationship?Obviously I wouldn’t know, instead I’m thinking that it might be yet anotherreference to bearding.

After all that’s pretty much a tale as old as time,it’s been going on in Hollywood since day one, quite old fashioned if you askme. Perhaps Taylor is saying she knew as soon as she started bearding that herreal relationships would be hard to make work while pretending to be hetero. Iimagine her and Dianna’s relationship were no different given that both womenare quite famous for bearding.

This could’ve been a factor in Taylor’s aforementionedgut feeling that they wouldn’t last, if we’re to trust I Knew You Were Trouble she had that feeling of eventual doom even inthe early days of their relationship and the fact that they both bearded a lotmight have been a contributing factor to this.

–

We never had a shotgun shot in the dark

–

This is clearly a reference to the wedding they neverhad. A “shotgun wedding” is a hasty and rushed one. A wedding that’s takingplace as a last effort to save a failing relationship through one lastdesperate, but still grand, romantic gesture seems pretty rushed and hasty tome, rather like the wedding Swiftgron would’ve had if Taylor had agreed to theproposal. *heartbreak*

–

You were driving the getaway car

We were flying, but we’d never get far

–

Through proposing Dianna provided a escape frombearding for both herself and Taylor, a getaway car if you will. Whileconsidering this possible plan of escape both girls could taste the freedomthey’d been denied for so long by being forced to stay in the closet. They werehappy and excited (“flying”)  that they’dfound a way to both save their relationship AND get out of tedious glass closetroutines, but pretty soon they (or at least Taylor) realized the plan wouldn’twork, their getaway car (or marriage) wouldn’t get far.

–

Don’t pretend it’s such a mystery

Think about the place where you first met me

–

Dianna shouldn’t be shocked Taylor isn’t ready to comeout the singer reasons, after all they first met while they were both deeply inthe closet. I mean this line might hold a more obvious significance to Taylorand Dianna as they alone know the details of their meet-cute, but all I canthink about is that the place they first met technically was the closet.Neither of them should be surprised (or “act like it’s such a mystery”) thatthe other won’t come out, after all they knew what they were getting themselvesinto when they first met as they were aware the other was very closeted.

–

We’re riding in a getaway car

There were sirens in the beat of your heart

–

If we’re going with the story of the outlaws on therun the sirens are quite obviously the police chasing them, the cops are closingin on them, threatening to end their little crime-spree fantasy. In the contextof the song’s queer meaning however it might mean something entirely different.In Greek mythology a siren is a sea creature, a beautiful woman who luressailors to their deaths in the ocean by seducing the men with their beauty. Sothe sirens beauty and grace tricked the men into doing something unwise ordangerous, huh? Sounds like a beautiful woman luring Taylor Swift away from hercareer with promises of happily ever after and beautiful words she wants tohear…Of course Taylor couldn’t be like “you’re a siren, luring me into yourgetaway car” so she had to use the Bonnie and Clyde narrative so that we’dthink about a police siren, not like, a freaking mermaid seducing our singerinto their getaway vehicle. 😂

–

Should’ve known I’d be the first to leave

Think about the place where you first met me

In a getaway car

No, they never get far

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

–

Yet again Taylor’s saying Dianna shouldn’t besurprised Taylor won’t come out and at the first sign of breaking the glasscloset Taylor would leave.  Why? Well,before I suggested the getaway car might be a metaphor for Swiftgron’spotential marriage and how it “wouldn’t get far” the use of that metaphor herethough suggests to me that the getaway car is in fact their entirerelationship. They got into this relationship because they wanted to live theirtruths, at least privately, they wanted to have someone to come home to whenthe bearding was over for the day, they wanted true love, not just thefabricated bearding kind. Their relationship was a way to escape from theirhetero narrative, a getaway car. Keeping a relationship working while havingfake relationship with third-parties must be hard though and that’s why gayrelationships seldom work out for closeted celebs (at least in Taylor’sexperience it would seem) the attempt to escape their straight narratives neverget far. Furthermore having to live and love in secrecy doesn’t give therelationship a stable foundation, nothing good starts with an attempt to fleefrom something else.

Wow, Getaway Caris quite the bleak look at the price of fame for someone in the closet,isn’t it? 💔

–

It was the great escape, the prison break

The light of freedom on my face

But you weren’t thinking

And I was just drinking

–

Their marriage was supposed to be the great escape,their chance to break out of the prison that bearding, straight-passing andpublicity had kept them in for so long. Damn, in even considering the mere possibilityof saying yes to such a ludicrous plan Taylor could see the light of thefreedom she hadn’t had in so many years, she could see the life outside of thecloset. Then she’s forced to admit Dianna is not looking at their situationrealistically (she’s “not thinking”.)

While the next line seems to suggest Taylor has somesort of drinking problem I think what it’s really saying is that she’s actingas if she was drunk. For a second while considering saying yes to Dianna’sproposal Taylor isn’t thinking logically, instead she wants to believe in theidea that love conquers everything and that they’ll be able to work out thedetails of their coming out as they go along. This isn’t realistic either andshe’s acting like someone who’s drunk by not caring about the fact that heractions will have consequences.

Another interesting interpretation is to consider thepreviously mentioned old fashioned, like I said before it’s a kind of drink sowe can assume that maybe that’s what Taylor’s drinking here. If we go with whatwe concluded before though the old fashioned isn’t a drink here at all, but thevery practice of bearding, so can we then assume Taylor “drinking” symbolizes herbearding?

Maybe. As Dianna was increasingly losing her grip on realitywhen it came to her relationship with Taylor (by starting to actually think adrama-free come out to be possible) the latter went through a quite intensestunting period to try and combat increasing gay rumors. (Most likely on ordersfrom the spiraling pre-Tree Team Taylor.)

In other words Taylor and Dianna were  on completely opposite sides of the comingout process and thus the freedom they were dreaming about just wasn’t realisticat that point which is what caused the relationship to end.

–

Well he was running after us, I was screaming ‘Go gogo!’

But with three of us, honey, it’s a side show

And a circus ain’t a love story

And now we’re both sorry (we’re both sorry)

–

As the girls try to escape the closet their historywith bearding haunts them and they both soon realize it’s impossible to deletetheir collective bearding history from the public consciousness. If they comeout as gay their male exes are gonna be questioned about their sexuality,Taylor and Dianna coming out in the way the want to will unravel so much withinthe industry that it’s frankly not possible. They can’t outrun their pastbearding no matter how fast they go.

Even if they do get married or continue theirrelationship they will have to keep bearding as they can’t come out publicly. Therewill never be just the two of them in the relationship, it will all always be aPR circus and that isn’t a worthy love story.

They both realize this is the truth of the matter andas sorry as they both are (note theoverlapping female vocals on that line) the relationship will simply have toend.

–

 X marks the spot, where we fell apart

He poisoned the well, every man for himself

I knew it from the first old fashioned, we were cursed

It hit you like a shotgun shot to the heart.

–

Two lines are new here and therefore they are primarilythe interesting ones.

He poisoned the well, every manfor himself

Taylor has realized she’ll have to be the one to leaveas Dianna is still in denial about the fact that they can’t come out. Taylorknows they won’t be able to escape their “straight” past, any claim they canmake regarding their own sexuality has been ruined by past associations withmen, she knows she’ll have to leave Dianna to realize this on her own (“everyman for himself”) as trying to talk to her only leads back to neither wantingthe relationship to be over and thus concocting unrealistic dreams on how theycould make it work against all odds.

It hit you like a shotgun shot tothe heart.

When the truth finally hit Dianna Taylor had alreadyleft and her ex was alone to deal with the pain of the realization that gettingout from the bearding shadow is going to be harder than she wanted to think. Thisundoubtedly felt like a shot to the heart for both Taylor upon having to leaveand Dianna upon finally realizing exactly whyTaylor left.

–

(Chorus)

–

 We were jet set Bonnie and Clyde

Until I switched to the other side

It’s no surprise, I turned you in

‘Cause us traitors never win

–

The duo who seem to have inspired the song areactually mentioned by name, quite a long shot from Romeo and Juliet, wouldn’t yousay?

Anyway, Taylor’s saying that her and Dianna were ateam until Taylor decided to pick her career over her girlfriend, this shouldbe unsurprising she muses, as she has (presumably) done so at least oncebefore.

Taylor callsherself a traitor here, interesting.

I recentlywatched HBO’s The Handmaid’s Tale wheregay women are referred to as “gender traitors” this also happens in the book (oneof my favorites) from 1985 by Margaret Atwood on which that show is based. Inaddition to that the term comes up as referring to people (most often women)who act in a way that is atypical or “unbeneficial” to their gender (aka feministsand lesbians) in my course lit for my gender and sexuality in literaturecourse.

 I don’t think that’s what Taylor is saying here (unless she likes thatbook too *fingers crossed*) I just thought that was an interesting sidenote asthe “never win” line following that could thus be interpreted as a reference tohow minorities (lesbians for example) are often screwed over by society and “never win”.

What she says I think is that people who pick theircareer over their love life won’t end up being happy, or “winning” at life inthe long-run.

–

I’m in a getaway car

I left you in the motel bar

I put the money in a bag and stole the keys

That was the last time you ever saw me

–

By using imagery that invoke the outlaws storylineTaylor is acknowledging her own betrayal she’s saying “sorry, but you should’veguessed this is what I’m like” she wouldn’t risk her career and they both should’verealized sooner.

–

(Chorus)

–

 I was riding in a getaway car

I was crying in a getaway car

I was dying in a getaway car

Said 'goodbye’ in a getaway car

–

Taylor may have fronted with “you should’ve seen thiscoming, Di” but really she was upset with herself, she didn’t wanna do this,but she saw no other way out. She was afraid of losing everything she’s workedfor by coming out so instead she took the safe route and broke the relationshipoff. 💔💔

–

Hope you all enjoyed thatread and feel free to tell me what you think the song is saying, it’s solyrically complex and interesting 😊

If you guys want meto anlyze more Taylor songs or if you have any questions for me, feel free toshoot me an ask 😊

The next song on thelist is Enchanted 🌈🌈🌈

[orionsangel86]

Hey hey, nice blog. I come here to relax. You're doing good. So anyway. I was watching s11e19 again and playing a game of "try and find aaallll the queer subtext" cos there's a lot and it's awesome. So this time around I was wondering if smoking weed was also meant to be like a queer parallel. Libby and Cori, right? But also Dean teasing Sam for smoking weed, and Sam's defense is that it was "in college" and was "probably oregano" (ie, everyone experiments, it didn't count anyway). Just thinkin.

Hi! Thank you! I dunno how relaxing all my flailing and ranting about destiel is, but I’m glad you enjoy it!

Ah 11x19. One of my favourite MOTW episodes ever. Thank you for giving me a reason to watch it again.The great thing about this episode is that everything is a metaphor for something else. The monster itself is a metaphor for toxic heterosexuality and heteronormativity, there are continuous references to homophobia among the townspeople (though never explicit) and this is mirrored through Cori being “weed girl” and also therefore not a credible witness, just like Jesse wasn’t a credible witness because he was “different”.

I know that i had read something about this before, so I hunted back on my blog and found this post which I think is most definitely worth a read.

That post talks about it all in more detail, but yes, certainly in how Sam then defends his use of weed “in collage” and dismissing it as “oregano” which as you say is very similar to how “everyone experiments in college and it doesn’t count anyway”. (which for me gives support to my own headcanon that Sam did indeed experiment in college with his old pal Brady the demon). Dean’s extremely campy “Sinner” and “Oooh Rebel” adding a further level to this mirror as it really does work as a queer character teasing a ‘straight’ character for his youthful experimentation.

Honestly that post is really good at outlining all the queer parallels in 11x19 so I’m not gonna ramble on much more about it as it already says it all pretty much. I’ll just leave you with this because watching this episode again filled me with glee and I’ll never be over how camp Dean is here (and never ever thought I’d see a comfortably camp Dean Winchester in Supernatural!)

[musicalluna]

fandom meme: 9, 10, 11, 13

9.  Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

real good plotty gen, although granted, i’m pretty cautious about what i read so it might exist and i’ve just not dared to click on it

more longform hurt/comfort mission fic type things (ala Kludged Together/Syzygy)

exploring the different ways things could have shaken out for the team post-The Avengers, especially in plotty hurt/comforty ways (like that idea i talked about awhile ago where tony thinks the team doesn’t value him and then they accidentally push him to perform a solution that [almost] kills him or a fic where steve and tony still Do Not Mesh and then get stranded in the snowy wilderness and have to keep each other warm and learn a few things about one another along the way or a fic where the power of friendship helps bruce manage his hulk problem) either gen or shippy

10.  Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

What Was I Thinkin’ by Dierks Bentley as randomly selected by spotify reminds me of steve and tony, mainly because i wrote a drabble where I wrote steve idled up to the stark house and picked tony up because howard would disapprove that i think was inspired by this song idk there’s a lot of sneaking out in the pickup truck songs in country :P

11.  A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

i feel like there’s somebody out there that ships every conceivable configuration of marvel characters, but there does seem to be a tragic and shameful lack of steve/tony/rhodey

13.  Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

i’m kind of a wuss so i don’t know that i’d die defending anything. i’m more likely to crawl in a hole and put up a wall and hide, but things that are kind of immutable for me are: 

steve and tony are something other than strictly gay--bi/pan/queer/ace/not-hetero, but not gay

steve swears colorfully but is also the person who tells you off for swearing and who blushes and stammers and is a virgin/inexperienced but also very interested (unless he’s ace and/or not)

steve is only a peak human, not a superhuman (at some point it was mentioned he is 10x everything and that’s pretty much how i roll with it--he is still just as easily hurt as a normal human being, but he recovers better and/or can prevent himself from being hurt more easily--none of this “cuts heal in a day nonsense though)

tony is not a deliberate asshole to anyone who doesn’t deserve it

the avengers are clint’s family

clint was on a mission during tws

natasha and clint are UBER close whatever their relationship

natasha is very protective of her dudes

pepper and rhodey are vitally important to tony

bruce can control the hulk

the hulk likes clint especially (and will listen to steve’s captain voice)

JARVIS is an AI (and definitely NOT DEAD)

thor is fond of poptarts

thor is killable

thor plays dumb alien a lot to help his friends out

[fuckmaniknowbuthey]

Orange, red

Orange: 6 facts about my home town

1. it sucks

2. we are rly rly prone 2 flooding, especially on my street, so i have lost so so so many books over the years

3. weed is very cheap here and also generally high-quality so that’s nice

4. we never get interesting live events at all, but we get like EVERY one of those fuckin’ roadshow screenings for anime movies cuz i guess there’s just a lot of weeaboos here still???

5. we have a triple homicide infamous enough 2 merit a wikipedia page

6. it’s seriously like a cliche post-industrial rural-thinkin’-it’s-urban shitwreck, like an outwardly grubby ver. of the fake-perfect small town from a bad blue velvet clone but like, not even sleazy in ways quite that salacious & exciting

Red: 5 facts about my best friend

1. i have indirectly/sometimes directly tbh sabotaged my own life for the sake of maintaining our friendship on a few occasions which like call that lack of self-preservation call that just being a fuckin’ moron but frankly we both played this role off & on for all the years we’ve known each other

2. he’s very generous w/ money (a wild flip on how big a skinflint & “dude i need a loan” shifty he was in high school hahahaha) but he’s the dirt-worst gift giver & somehow even WORSE abt receiving gifts cuz like, he just shows no appreciation whatsoever (i used 2 buy him clothes for gift-giving occasions and i have seen him wear like...one of the shirts maybe six times across abt seven fucking years)

3. i think the real reason we’ve had such a long & deep bond is that like, we both have a bunch of bizarre neurotic tics abt tryna communicate complicated and/or emotionally-driven concepts + like the mediums in which they function best and like there’s nobody else who is as capable at learning how 2 roll w/ how like some stuff i will only discuss in a written form cuz i don’t want 2 give way 2 the risk of fucking up communicating my point w/ spoken words or risking a weird emotional inflection being read wrong and how there’s some stuff paradoxically that i can only explain by talking out loud cuz the formal terms in which you could write a functional equivalent would make the process far more agonizing than it would actually be 2 just use vernacular + emotional cues, like a single conversation can span from a forum post 2 a text message 2 a face-2-face conversation 2 like frantically blurted 15sec voice messages on facebook and that’s just how shit naturally functions

4. like so many tragic queer cliche types, i went through a very prolonged & ugly period of complicated romantic feelings for this guy & mercifully that’s all in the past + somehow not in the slightest bit awkward even after like...the fact that it went on nearly a decade and had multiple ugly weird fights and then the whole “coming out as trans” thing also but yeah, for as dogshit as that experience was it remarkably did nothing 2 damage the healthy parts of our relationship even in the ugliest of the short-term hurt tbh and also he helped eternally solidify my smoking fetish cuz we’d smoke together all the time in university and the time we were a couple beers deep & just ended up making out while chainsmoking was like “yeah goddamn, this is exactly as hot as i always imagined it’d be” and i get kinda wistful whenever i smell rly good cigarettes or vividly catch the taste of tobacco on my breath

5. one time i watched him eat like, six double big macs across the span of abt 2hrs (he’s like 5′6″, maybe 160lbs on his worst day)