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plant-flwrs · 4 years ago

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house unity // fred weasley

masterlist!

a/n: this story has taken me so long and i feel like i’ve poured my blood, sweat, and tears into it. i love it a lot and you can really tell what i was watching/ doing in each sections lol. for example, the dramatic ending is courtesy of the heart wrenching sylvia plath poems i was reading earlier today lol :’) also i made the reader a ravenclaw because im a ravenclaw and i felt like it hehe. n e way! hope you all like it and pls leave feedback if you have any! like, rb, follow <3

summary: Fred Weasley and you have a bit of a love hate relationship, however, on Fred’s behalf its more love than hate. Dating a Ravenclaw would be a great stride in house unity, wouldn’t it?

(disclaimer: when i describe the differences in the twins i mean the actors! especially since she who shall not be named did not give us much about their physical differences >:/ i found the info from fandom.com so it may be wrong, but i went with it. also, i made up a few things for this story, like the annual Christmas ball)

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You wished you could enjoy some things as easily as your peers could.

You didn’t like most sweets from Honeydukes, you didn’t care for Quidditch, but you especially hated the Weasley twin’s pranks.

In your first year, just weeks after arriving at Hogwarts, you had met Fred and George. You had been unable to answer the riddle to enter the Ravenclaw common room, so you decided to take a walk around the grounds.

You just turned the corner to the courtyard, when a hard snowball hit you square in the face. The sheer force of it made you stumble backyards, and you barely had time to wipe the snow off your face before another one hit you hard in the back. You were unable to keep your balance and tumbled forwards. Your hands braced your fall and scraped against the rough stone harshly. Your palms stained the snow red as they began to bleed. You barely had time to nurse them before another snowball, this time the size of a Quaffle, plummeted onto your head. It pushed you face-first into the snow, and you recovered quicker, not wanting to stay there for any longer. You whirled around, looking for anyone who could have seen who did that. You saw two boys with flaming red hair running away, and you followed them.

You caught them just before they entered the castle, all three of you winded. They were twins.

“Did you see who did that? Was it you?” you had pried, and both of them looked giddy.

“What’d you mean?” the shorter of the two answered immaturely.

The other looked down at your hands and robes, seeing blood still flowing from your palms, and your stained tights. He glanced at his brother, who was still laughing about it all and shoved his shoulder.

“You git,” he mumbled to his brother, “she’s bleeding,” he took your hands in his and tried to wipe some of the blood off, only for it to stain the sleeves of his sweater.

“Oh, gross!” the shorter one exclaimed, backing away from the two of you.

“How did you two do that?” you asked, pulling your hands away from the kinder one.

“Bewitched ‘em,” the short one said arrogantly before his brother could stop him.

“You bewitched them to attack me?” you felt tears stinging your eyes and hoped the taller one wouldn’t notice that too.

“Well, we didn’t mean ‘em to go after you,” the kind one said quickly, trying to rub the blood out of his shirt.

“Yeah, but it was still a laugh,” the shorter one said, nudging his brother’s shoulder good spiritedly.

“Shut up, Fred,” he mumbled, obviously annoyed, “we’re sorry about your hands, we didn’t mean for it to happen, honest.”

Fred watched you silently as you swallowed hard, only able to nod at them, accepting the boys’ apology. You turned on your heal and went to the infirmary, hoping Madam Pomfrey could mend your cuts. You had wiped your tears all the way there.

In your third year, you had been told there would be a Christmas ball. You had been stuffed in a large room with the Gryffindors, and you bumped shoulder to shoulder with a boy who had long dreadlocks.

Professor McGonagall and Flitwick stood in the center of the room, a large record player was next to them.

“As some of you may know, there is an annual Christmas Ball here at Hogwarts,” Professor McGonagall explained, looking sharply at the Gryffindors.

“Professor McGonagall and I have a tradition,” Flitwick said, casting a glance at the Ravenclaws, “of holding a class on how to dance properly at these events.”

“Think of it as charity,” McGonagall said devilishly, “we wouldn’t want you to embarrass yourselves.”

Flitwick stifled a laugh and moved his wand to turn on the music. Loud, old-sounding music blared from the ancient device and you looked confused at your teachers.

“Everyone, pair up!”

An awkward haze fell over the room of third years. None of you knew how to talk to the opposite sex, let alone dance with them. You turned to look around you, accidentally making eye contact with the Gryffindor boy with dreads. His eyes widened when they saw yours, and his friends behind you noticed. You looked at his friends, only to see Fred and George Weasley. You rolled your eyes at the two, but their friend was jolted forwards.

He bumped into you, Fred having pushed him lightly on the back.

“Go on Lee!” Fred shouted, laughing loudly.

People were moving to the center of the room in pairs, and Lee looked at you nervously. He held his hand out to you.

“Want to dance?” He asked you shyly.

You took his hand with worry, nervous about the wicked grin the twins had. That grin always worried you.

You let Lee lead you out to the floor, falling in line with everyone else. You both watched McGonagall looking around for a partner for her to demonstrate with.

Fred’s obnoxious laugh cut through the room, and her eyes landed on him.

“Perfect! Mr. Weasley, come be my partner.”

He groaned and moved forwards, his brother laughing loudly. Beside you, Lee had a wide smile.

“Place your hand on my waist,” she said flatly.

“Your what?” he repeated, his eyes going wide.

“My waist, don’t be daft,” she replied, moving his hand to the right place.

It seemed everyone’s cheeks had gone red due to stifled laughter. Lee bumped into you as he doubled over, not trying to contain himself.

In your fifth year, you were made a prefect.

You were hesitant to accept the position, feeling a bit tied down by the prat status that came with the responsibility.

Wearing your slightly dusted badge, you had never polished it like you saw Percy doing every second of his life, you led a group of Ravenclaw first years up the stairs.

“Right this way,” you shouted over their heads, making sure no one got lost.

“Who had the sense to make you a prefect?” Fred taunted, coming up from behind you and flicking your ear.

You moved to swat his hand away, but he had already jumped back.

“Shove off, Fred,” you shot him a glare and turned back to the children, “the stairs can get a bit confusing, so watch your step!”

Fred watched you admirably, noticing the way your voice changed to a sweet sound when you spoke to anyone but him.

“Yeah, watch the stairs!” Fred shouted, pulling you by your elbow onto a new staircase.

The steps moved away from the first years, taking you and Fred to the opposite corridor you wanted to go down. You looked down and realized how close you were to the edge. Without thinking, you grabbed onto Fred’s robes, pulling him closer to you. He tilted forward and nearly lost his balance, which would have sent you both down. He flung his hand out and firmly held onto the railing, suspending the both of you over the edge for a moment before he pulled you back up. You were close to his chest, still holding onto him until the stairs stopped moving. You hadn’t meant to close your eyes, but when you finally opened them you saw your group of first-years looking at you from the other staircase, seeming absolutely terrified.

You leaped from Fred’s embrace, sending him stumbling back a bit. You marched up the stairs to loop back to the first years and heard Fred calling after you.

“Going so soon?” you heard his laugh echoing off the walls of the room.

For most of your life, your interactions with Fred Weasley were that simple. Maybe once a year you two would spit some insults at the other, and be on your way, not to speak to each other until next year.

However, when you walked into your Transfiguration class, late by a few minutes due to your prefect duties, you felt a punch in the gut when you saw flaming red hair.

The punch in the gut was increased tenfold when you saw that the only empty seat was next to the flaming red hair.

Breathing deeply and sending a fake smile his way, you sat uncomfortably next to Fred.

It would have been difficult to tell them apart, but your observant eye had always been able to. Besides a few odd growth spurts they were prone to, George usually came out the taller of the two. Fred also had a small scar on his left eyebrow.

“Oh hello, prefect,” Fred said lazily, drawing back in his chair and folding his hands behind his head.

The bottom of his shirt rose a little and you willed your eyes to not look at the toned bit of stomach that peeked through.

“Weasley,” you said, pulling your textbook out of your bag.

“Looking forward to your new prat duties?”

“More than I’m looking forward to sitting with you,” you pushed your hair behind your ear and out of your eyes, Fred stared at the side of your face.

“Always so charming,” he finally drawled, leaning forwards and tugging his sweater down.

Something about Fred always made you want the last word, the last laugh.

“Only for you, Fred.”

In professor McGonagall’s opinion, Fred Weasley had the littlest appreciation for time of all the students she had taught.

He wasted his time in the common room, in the Great Hall, and in the hallways.

Even during her Transfiguration class.

He was happy to spend his time with what he thought was shamelessly flirting with you, and McGonagall was happy to embarrass him while he did it.

“Mister Weasley?”

Fred turned to look at McGonagall’s severe face. Before he could say any excuse, insisting that you were talking too, she waved her wand at his desk. His book flew open to the right page, and a force that was not his own was pushing his head into the book. His hair fell in front of his face, and you could tell he was fighting against the spell McGonagall was using.

Fred seemed to be tamed by McGonagall after that and didn’t bother you for the rest of the class. On the way out, he held the door open for you. He called out to you in the hallway.

“Good luck with that weird rash, Y/n!” you felt your cheeks burn furiously as laughs sounded off in the hallway. You turned to see Fred watching you walk away, and lifted both of your middle fingers in the air to him.

“So classy!” he called back.

“Shove! OFF!” you yelled, shouting over the now deafening laughter in the hallway.

You were already dreading the upcoming months.

You were right to, for class with Fred did not get any easier.

You traded your thin tights for thicker ones and your light dress shirt for a heavy sweater. Your blue scarf was wrapped tightly around your neck, and you didn’t bother to pin your prefect badge on it these days.

“Miss, y/l/n, you must remember your badge,” McGonagall said as you came into class.

You looked down at your scarf, patting your robes until you felt the metal. Lifting up your scarf and showing the professor the badge underneath it, you gave her a reassuring smile.

She nodded approvingly and waved her hand, you moved to your seat.

Before you could put your things down, Fred was looking at you. You could hear the gears turning in his head, thinking of something presumably rude to say to you.

“Weasley,” you said first, hoping this would inspire him to stop looking at you.

He blinked at you, before smiling and turning back to his textbook.

“Today, we’re going to be learning a vanishing spell,” McGonagall started.

You had already turned to the page before she told it to you, you had read through the entire textbook over the summer.

You heard Fred scoff next to you, but ignored him.

Looking down at the directions in the book, you had remembered your successful attempt at making one of your father’s shoes disappear. He had been so proud of you, he didn’t care that he only had one brown Oxford instead of two.

“How did you do that?” Fred asked, watching as you easily made the rat in front of you vanish.

“Practice,” you said absently, turning your head to look back into the textbook.

Fred began to try the spell himself, his focus on the goblet he had taken from the great hall. He did the right wand movements, but his pronunciation was all wrong. You watched as the spell rebounded off the goblet and hit his tie, making the bottom half of it vanish. His hand flew to his chest, his mouth curved in a disbelieving grin when he didn’t feel the point of his tie.

“Well, bloody hell, that could have been much worse,” he gasped out, pushing his hair off his face and leaning back in his chair.

You couldn’t help the small nervous laugh that escaped your lips, but you were able to stifle it quickly. Fred had noticed your smile and glanced at you, happy to amuse you.

The two of you sat in silence for a bit, Fred regaining his composure after nearly vanishing himself. You pretended to read your book, but you had already read the page dozens of times. You wanted an excuse to not talk to Fred.

“Ever going to turn the page?” Fred asked from beside you, and you became very aware of his eyes on the side of your face.

“I’m absorbing the information,” you replied flatly, keeping your head in the book to hide your blush.

He laughed, sitting straight in his seat. He seemed to be attempting the spell again. You bit your lip as you watched him practice, wondering if you should correct him so he doesn’t hurt himself.

He had just begun to say the spell when you placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Wait!” he glanced at you and your hand on his shoulder, smirking at you.

“Yes, darling?”

You rolled your eyes and felt the urge to gag. Your face crinkled in disgust and Fred smiled.

“Your pronunciation is wrong.”

“Well go on then,” he said, urging you to continue.

“Evanesco,” you said simply, but Fred’s eyes wrinkled in confusion.

“That’s what I’m saying,” he said, turning back to the goblet but lowering his wand, “Evenesco.”

He had replaced the ‘a’ with an ‘e’ sound, but he hadn’t heard it, you supposed.

“It’s ev-an-es-co,” you said slowly, placing your pronunciation on the ‘an’, “you’re saying ev-en-es-co.”

His eyebrows raised, finally understanding. He repeated it to you slowly, and you nodded your head when he said it right.

He smiled confidently, casting the spell on his goblet. The goblet turned foggy, and Fred could wave his hand through it like it was a ghost.

He sighed heavily, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

“This is miserable,” he groaned.

You waved your wand and said the verbal part of the spell, finishing off the goblet. It completely disappeared and Fred let out another groan, rolling his head back in annoyance.

“You’re miserable,” he said to you teasingly.

You looked at him through your lashes, your brows furrowed, “Whatever, Fred,” your face grimaced in annoyance, “I’m just trying to help, your welcome, by the way.”

You pulled your bag onto your lap and began to pack up your books.

Fred let out a sigh like he was going to say something. You turned to him, but he merely shook his head.

“Forget it,” he said, seeming to be at a loss of words.

You stood from your seat the second McGonagall dismissed class, leaving Fred at your shared desk.

“She’s totally into me!”

“She hates your guts, mate,” George said, pulling his lips into a thin-lined sympathy smile.

Fred scoffed and shook his head, his long hair falling over his forehead.

“You don’t get it,” he pressed, determined to make George see.

“She looks like she wants to throw herself into the Forbidden Forest every time she sees you,” George replied, determined to stop his brother from future heartbreak.

“Whatever, just you watch,” Fred said, tossing his Quidditch broom from hand to hand and looking at the massive stands above them, empty for the practice, “in a few weeks she’ll be in one of those seats, cheering me on.”

“He’s lost it,” Harry mumbled to George as he walked past, baffled by Fred’s dazed look.

George nodded hastily, following Harry away from his lovesick brother.

Fred was not often detoured by anyone’s cautionary guidance, so the endless warnings from George slid off his ego like melted butter.

Fred had spent so much time in the last Quidditch match with his eyes glued to the Ravenclaw student section, looking for you, that he had barely hit any bludgers the entire game. Oliver had some tasteful words for him in the changing rooms, but it was no worse than his mother’s screaming.

You were not at the Quidditch match, you never were. You had always used the advantage of the empty castle to go to the kitchens. The elves were the only ones left there, and you liked talking with them. Some times Luna would join you.

It seemed you and Fred were going opposite directions while searching for each other at the same time.

No matter how many cookies Dobby shoved towards you and Luna, you could not get Fred out of your head.

You thought about his arms wrapped around you on the stairs, you thought about the way he could always make your cheeks burn, and you thought of the way his eyes poured into your face like it was the only thing he’d ever seen. You hated him. He was rude, arrogant, and annoying. He ran around your head constantly.

McGonagall had some choice words for Fred that night after the match. The sulking from the loss had been toned down, but the hushed sounds of Oliver’s feet pounding against the floor in his bedroom could be heard all the way from the common room.

“Where is Wood?” she burst through the portrait hole, still in her robes she wore to the match.

“He’s upstairs, why?” Harry replied, looking nervous.

“I need to have a word with him,” she cast a glance at Fred, “and his methods of training his beaters.”

Fred and George both shot from where they sat on the couch.

“What?” George yelled.

“Don’t take that tone with me, Mister Weasley,” she squinted at them, “whichever one of you was looking around at the Rave-” she stopped before she could finish her sentence as if she had an epiphany.

Her pursed lips twisted into an evil looking smile.

“You know, Mister Weasley,” she took a step towards the boys and spoke to them only, “dating a Ravenclaw would show great strides in house unity,” Fred’s eyes bulged out of his head and George was already turning pink with laughter, “perhaps then you could focus on Quidditch again.”

George was nearly purple due to lack of air, and Harry’s mouth was agape in shock as McGonagall whisked her robes and swiftly climbed back out of the portrait hole.

“What is she on about?” Harry asked George.

Fred flopped onto the couch and covered his face with his hands. His life was over. If McGonagall could catch onto something like that, couldn’t you? You hadn’t started to flirt back, and Fred was beginning to wonder if George was right about your feelings towards him.

Soon enough, George was spouting everything McGonagall had said before he could catch his breath. He told anyone in the common room how much you hated Fred, and how much he desperately fancied you. Fred figured there was no use to stop him, because once again, if McGonagall could catch on, couldn’t everyone else?

Sunday morning was always rough for you. You pulled your heavy quilt closer to your cold cheeks, hoping for the sun to go back down and the weekend to restart. It never did.

You slipped on a pair of jeans and a tight turtle neck. Still feeling the cold air of the castle seeping through, you pulled on a sweater over the turtle neck. You tugged on some wool socks and pulled the fabric of the shirt as high up your neck as it would go.

You and Luna had plans to go to Hagrid’s hut today, he had promised her some magical flower seeds he had found in his garden. You liked to spend time with Luna, she was an easing presence and you always knew how to talk to her, even if most people didn’t.

You clutched an old muggle novel to your chest, hoping to trap some of your body heat. The hallways were surprisingly crowded for a Sunday morning, and you glanced at your watch, seeing breakfast had just ended.

You noticed that a lot of students with red ties were looking at you oddly. They would see you and smile widely, as if you were a new friend to them. You kept your head down until you met Luna in front of the great hall.

“Did you hear the news?” she asked before she even greeted you.

“What?”

“I just saw Harry, he said McGonagall told Fred to ask you out.”

You laughed, expecting her to do so as well. She didn’t and her face stayed stoic. She began to walk outside.

You were locked into place for a second before you jumped into line with her.

“What?” you repeated.

“Harry told me-” she began, but you waved your hands, cutting her off.

“No, I heard you, but what do you mean? What did McGonagall say?”

Luna had to have finally gone loony.

“He told me that after they lost Quidditch yesterday, she came in looking for Fred, she said he was quite distracted during the match,” she said, looking dreamily at you, “and she said something about how dating a Ravenclaw would be great for house unity,” Luna finished, toying with the tote bag at her side.

“Why did Harry think the Ravenclaw had to be me?” you asked, thinking there was a huge misunderstanding.

“Oh, well,” she said like she had forgotten a large part of the story, “after George heard what McGonagall said, he lost it. Harry said he laughed so hard he cried,” Luna giggled to herself while imagining the sight, “and he told everyone in the common room that Fred fancied you.”

Your face turned bright red with anger and embarrassment. The entire Gryffindor house had been laughing all night because George said Fred fancied you.

You were about to burst into protests, insist that it’s not true, but a gaggle of second years wearing red ties all pointed at you, talking among themselves.

You stepped towards them, making sure your prefect badge was visible. You watched their eyes flash down to the blue pin, and back up at your face, eyes wide. They scurried off and you fell back into place with Luna.

“That was rude of them,” Luna said, looping her arm with yours.

“Yeah,” you said quietly under your breath, your mind cloudy with thoughts.

You and Luna walked quietly out to Hagrid’s. You glanced up and saw the last person you had wanted to see.

Fred and George stood at the point where the path diverged to the Quidditch pitch and Hagrid’s hut, throwing a little flame-like ball to each other, bouncing it off their arms, feet, and chests. A small group of some younger kids had huddled around them, ‘ooing’ and ‘awing’ at each pass.

Fred had a large smile on his face, and the sight of it made your stomach churn with nerves.

You ducked your head down, hoping you and Luna would pass without a problem. You would not.

“Hi Fred,” Luna lifted a hand to wave at him, and the small light fell onto the ground as Fred saw you, “hi George.”

George smiled evilly at the sight of his brother nervously looking anywhere but you.

“Fun looking game your playing,” Luna said, trying to stop to talk, but you dragged her along.

“See you later Luna, Y/n!” George called out to the two of you, the laughter obvious in his voice.

“Why didn’t you want to talk to them? You could have asked Fred about what Harry said,” Luna asked you soothingly, looking at you curiously.

“I don’t know,” you sighed, feeling very overwhelmed, “it’s weird. I don’t even know what happened but the thought of it is so weird,” you paused, trying to grasp the words, “I mean, Fred can’t like me. We detest each other, its fun.”

“Well, do you like him?” she had asked the one question you were avoiding.

Fred had always been a thorn in your side. Ever since you met him he was rude. He never apologized for anything, he laughed, poked, and prodded at you for his own amusement. Yet, whenever you saw his soft-looking hair, you swallowed hard. When he inched closer to you, even just to whisper something rude, you felt your chest tighten. He looked at you, and you could swear he actually cared about what you were saying. Maybe detest was a little strong, perhaps just annoyed.

Granted, he was a teenage boy, and you are a teenage girl, mixed messages are bound to be sent. You thought you had been clear with your messages to Fred, though. “Leave me alone,” nothing bitter, nothing kind, just the wish to be left alone. Of course, Fred did not read your message that way. The enticing message he got was more along the lines of: “I’m going to pretend I want you to leave me alone, but please, don’t. Chase me through the hallways, confess undying love for me, kiss me passionately”. Now, it is entirely possible that Fred’s interpretation was a little clouded by his own wants and wishes, but this did not stop him.

The talk of the castle, for at least the following school week, was you and Fred.

You had never been whispered about, pointed at, or thought of like this. Fred seemed to be enjoying it.

In class Monday, Fred pretended nothing had happened. He swung his arm over the back of your chair and waited for the look of disgust to flash across your face, which it did, and he chuckled to himself.

Soon enough, the whispers and pointing had subsided, and they were replaced by odd looks as if they were disbelieving of something.

Luna found you in the courtyard sitting under a tree and skipped over to you.

“You hadn’t told me Fred asked you out,” she wiggled her eyebrows, “officially.”

Once again, you laughed, but she did not. She sat in front of you, crossing her legs.

“Oh my-” you trailed off, lifting your head to look at Luna, “what’s happened now?”

“Hermione told me that Fred has been raving to everyone about how you’re dating.”

Your eyes were wild with disbelief. You couldn’t have even comprehended what was going on at this school these days.

“Well, no one’s told me that we’re dating,” you said, your voice riddled with annoyance.

In perfect timing, Fred, George, and Lee bounded from the school and out to the courtyard. They were laughing and shoving each other, looking to be having a great time.

You stood from the ground, dusting off your pants and walking over to the three with fury.

“Fred!” you called out to him, and he stopped and turned to you.

A look of fear flashed on his face, but he covered it with something else, was it admiration? Love?

You clenched your jaw and narrowed your eyes, stepping close to him. He tilted his head down to look at you, a small smile on his lips.

Around you, George, Lee, and Luna stood with their arms crossed, watching intently.

Your bodies were almost touching, and your finger stabbed into his chest.

“Who do you think you are?” you said in a hushed tone through gritted teeth.

Once again, Fred’s face fell for a moment, before he wrapped his arms around your waist in some sort of embrace. You squirmed from his touch and backed away from him.

“Who do you think you are?” you repeated, this time louder. George and Lee flinched from behind you.

“What do you mean, sweetheart?” he asked sweetly.

Your face twisted with confusion, what is he on about?

“What?”

He continued, stepping closer to you.

“Are you feeling okay?” he asked earnestly, moving to rub his hand on your arm.

He was trying to flip the script, make you feel crazy.

“Fred, you’ve lost it, really,” you replied, walking back to the tree to gather your books.

“Maybe when you’ve regained consciousness,” you walked back up to him, keeping your distance, “or the effects of whatever potion you took start to wear off, please try to explain what is going on.”

You walked away from them, leaving Fred with a wicked smile.

“Alright, see you later!” he called out to you.

You turned your head to look at him, your hair blew in front of your face but Fred could see your puzzled expression. His smirk grew wider and he turned to George, Lee, and Luna. They looked awfully concerned.

“Oh,” he placed his hands on his hips, “isn’t she great?”

You had gotten to Transfiguration early, your prefect duties switched for the week. You crossed your legs and placed a book on them, reading discretely while McGonagall was still in her office.

Just as she began to address the class, Fred strolled in, hands in his pockets. He slipped into the seat next to you and you bookmarked your page. You scooted your chair in and slipped the worn book into your bag, listening to McGonagall begin her lecture. Monday’s were often boring lecture days in Transfiguration.

You heard the screech of Fred’s chair on the floor, and in the corner of your eye saw him moving closer to you. He rested his elbow on the desk and placed his chin in his palm. He leaned close to you.

“Hello,” he whispered, and you could hear the smile in his voice.

You ignored him, dipping your quill into your ink in case McGonagall said something note-worthy.

“What’s ‘a matter,” he paused as if he was thinking of the most annoying thing to say to you, “darling?”

You audibly gagged, and his smile widened.

“What do you want?” you caved, asking him.

“Oh nothing,” he leaned back in his chair, still whispering to you, “just for you to be my girlfriend.”

You went rigid. Your face suddenly got very warm. You lost grip of your quill and it toppled over your ink, sending dark liquid across the desk and onto your white sleeve. You cursed loudly out of reflex and it caught McGonagall’s attention.

“Excuse me, Miss Y/l/n?”

Everyone turned to look at you and Fred in the back of the room, some people smirking. Fred stayed leaned back in his chair, watching you.

“I’m sorry Professor,” you stumbled out, wiping both the ink and your sleeve at the same time, making both things worse, “I just-”

Fred pulled his wand out from beside you and did a simple cleaning spell, you supposed. The ink receded back into its bottle and the stain on your sleeve disappeared. McGonagall watched him intently.

“Very resourceful Weasley, Miss Y/l/n, please don’t disrupt my class again,” she said curtly, returning to the lesson.

You heard a few snickers from your classmates, your face still a deep shade of red. You swallowed hard as you felt your heart beating in your ears.

Fred leaned forward again so his mouth was aligned with your ear.

“What do you say?” he whispered.

“What are you talking about Fred? Why are you doing all this?” you asked, straining to keep your desperate voice in a whisper.

“I’m only having some fun,” he replied as if he hadn’t been making your life a living hell for the past weeks.

You shot him a pleading look, and when he saw your flushed cheeks and watery eyes, his face softened.

“Hey,” he placed a hand on your knee, a knot formed in your throat and shivers went down your arms, “I didn’t mean to-” he trailed off and your jaw clenched. You returned your gaze to the front of the class.

“Listen, I’ve just been,” he paused, searching for the words, “I’ve been playing a sort of prank. On everyone but us.”

His tone was soft and playful as if he were letting you in on a secret. You supposed he was.

You raised your eyebrows, pressing him to continue.

“Well, George basically told everyone in our house that I fancy you, so I wanted to have some fun with it, switch it on them.”

You pressed your eyebrows together, still looking to the front of the room while Fred was inches away from your ear.

“I’ve told everyone we’re dating,” he said plainly, “house unity and all, as McGonagall said.”

“So that was true? What Harry told Luna?” you said before you could stop yourself, happy to finally get answers.

“Well, I don’t know exactly what Harry said, but I’m sure he didn’t leave anything out.”

“Why did George tell everyone that? That you,” you trailed off, feeling the words choking in your mouth, “that you fancy me?”

“Because I do,” he said quickly, and just as quickly moved on, “so what do you say? Want to be my girlfriend-” he paused, realizing what he had just said, “well, my girlfriend of sorts, not like my real girlfriend, because I’m sure you wouldn’t want to, and-” he stopped himself.

This time it was his turn for his cheeks to burn and his eyes to awkwardly avoid yours.

“Why do all this? Seems a lot for a joke that no one but us will laugh at,” you said, trying to ignore his confession.

“I’m willing to go to the ends of the Earth for a joke, my dear.”

Fred was dreadfully serious when saying that, and this became clear within hours.

Walking past the Dungeons and up the many stairs to your common room, you heard Fred call out to you.

“Wait up!” he was breaking away from a large group of Gryffindors, and all of them watched him with a keen eye,

“What, Fred?”

“Hey, that's not a very girlfriend-y tone,” he wrapped his arm easily around you.

You were sure it was meant to be sweet, but it felt a bit imprisoning.

“I never agreed to this,” you didn’t shake off his arm, but you felt inclined to. You were aware of the many eyes pouring into your back.

“I thought we had? Oh,” his arm left your shoulder, and you felt a little colder, “well then I suppose I could leave it all be, go back on my word, humiliate myself.”

His tone was a playful one, and you couldn’t help the bashful smile that reached your cheeks. You knew you had no obligation to Fred, but the whispers and gossip had seemed to subside during this new joke of his. You stopped at the landing, and the group of Gryffindors walked past you, staring at you both. Fred waved them off and nodded his head towards you, smiling.

“Why should I?” you clutched some textbooks to your chest, feeling grateful for the wall it put between you and Fred. He looked down at you, his hair falling into his forehead.

“Well,” he stuffed his hands in his pockets, inching closer to you, “as I said, I just think it could be a bit of fun.”

“Fun for you. What’s in it for me?”

“What? Besides utter fame and popularity from being associated with me?”

“Oh shove off, Fred,” you rolled your eyes at him, but once again could not help the smile that spread across your face.

“See? I’m growing on you already.”

“I’m still seeing no benefit for me.”

“Well, I do see where your coming from, but I’d like to raise another point,” he slipped a hand from his pants and waved it casually while talking, “I will indeed pretend like we are dating even if you don’t.”

“So essentially, you would just be flirting with me while I hurl insults at you?”

He nodded enthusiastically.

“Is that the image you want, Fred?” you teased.

You moved to lean against the wall behind you, and Fred trailed after you.

“Any image is a good one,” he winked dramatically at you.

You shrunk away from him and gagged, sending him into a fit of laughter.

“I hate it already.”

“So you’ll do it?” he asked.

You breathed in, looking at him seriously. His hazel eyes were dark in this light, his hair had gone a deeper red in the lack of warm weather and sunshine. He towered over you slightly, and you looked at him through your lashes.

Shrugging your shoulders, you agreed weakly.

Fred saw the error of his thinking almost immediately. Walking through the hallways with you, he felt his heart soar higher and higher each time you laughed. When you would loosen up, or walk a little closer to him. He was being awfully unfair to himself, making himself think that you had something, some sort of relationship. It was like dangling a treat in front of a dog and wanking it away right when the dog drooled.

He saw the flaming house, and still walked in, looking for a place to sleep.

“Why, hello,” Fred drawled, coming up from behind you in the hall.

You felt his hand snake around your waist, and he pulled you. Your feet twisted from under you and you twirled, turning to face him. Your hair had skewed into your face, and he watched your delicate hand reach up to brush it away.

You looked dazed as if you had a lot on your mind. He smiled down at you and you did your best to reciprocate it.

“Are you alright?” he asked, dropping his hand from your hip.

“Yeah, just-” you took a deep breath in, “just got a lot of homework, been a bit busy with my prefect stuff.”

This was not what was bothering you. You felt a lot of inner conflicts these days, an endless moody and angsty monologue sounding off in your head day and night. You felt odd. You felt odd for agreeing to Fred’s stupid plan. You felt odd for toying with him and yourself. You had disliked him just last month, and now you let him wrap his arm around your shoulder, let him hold your waist. You felt like a traitor to yourself, letting him win you over with a few charming looks. You felt even worse when you thought of Fred’s confession. He had said he fancied you, and the idea of pretending to date him didn’t alarm you for some reason. You hated the feeling of toying with his emotions or allowing him to live out some sort of fantasy. Everything about it made you feel awful.

You didn’t feel as awful, though, when Fred would call out a comment from across the dining hall that would make your cheeks burn and all the other girls swoon. You didn’t feel as awful when he would sit in silence with you by the black lake, keeping you company among the chilling wind. You didn’t feel as awful when he slipped little notes into your bag when you left Transfiguration.

You had enough, one too many genuine looks of admiration. You needed to tell Fred how you felt.

You caught him on his way back from Quidditch practice. He was trailing near the end of the group, huddled with George and Harry. He had some dirt on his forehead, and his cheeks were tinted pink. He smelled of grass and sweat.

You pulled your cardigan tighter around you, wishing you had brought your scarf. Your hair whipped in the wind around you, and you rocked on your feet.

You began walking to him, and when he saw you he smiled widely.

“Hey!” he called out, walking faster to meet you.

“Hi,” you said nervously.

“I’ll meet you guys back in the common room,” he told George and Harry, who glanced over their shoulders at the two of you.

It was dusk and he looked strikingly handsome. You felt like you were seeing him as a different person. He wasn’t the boy who bewitched snowballs to attack you, he wasn’t the boy who laughed at your scraped hands. He wasn’t the boy who shoved Lee at you, and he wasn’t the boy who awkwardly danced with McGonagall. He was the boy who held you in his arms, stopping you from falling over the stairs. He was the boy who looked at you like you were the only thing that mattered in the world, he was the boy who held you above anything else.

Your mouth was agape as you looked at him, he stood awkwardly waiting for you to say something. You looked at the ground, licking your lips and feeling them dry as soon as the cold air grazed them again.

“I wanted to talk to you,” you said quietly, hoping your voice would fade into the wind and carry you away.

“What’s up?” he looked down at you nervously.

“Fred, I-” he cut you off, placing a hand on your arm.

“You can’t do this anymore?” he looked deeply at you but you couldn’t meet his eyes.

You didn’t want to have this talk anymore, you felt content, suddenly, in pretending. You could both pretend to love each other until it wasn’t pretending. The lines would blur and soon, his kisses would come easily and his hands would have their place on you. You would touch his soft hair and know his eyes only looked at you. But you had already said the words, or rather, he did.

“I just,” you kicked the dirt beneath you, hoping he would finish your sentence again, he didn’t.

“I don’t think its fair,” you looked up at him finally and felt surprised to feel tears in your eyes, you blinked, forcing them to subside, “to either of us.”

You heard him gulp, and his eyes moved to look at the castle behind you. The candles had been lit and the stone glowed from the inside.

“I get it,” he said, removing his hand from your arm.

You looked down at where his hand had been and felt a tear drip down your cheek.

“Fred-”

He shook his head, pulling his mouth into a line. You stopped talking, feeling the words stuck in your heart.

You really wished you hadn’t said anything. You wished you could pretend again.

He walked past you, leaving you in the dusk. You hadn’t meant to, but a sob escaped your mouth. You heard his feet shuffle for a moment, and stop. He walked back to you.

He had finally been able to fall asleep among the fire, and it seemed you had come to join him at some point. He didn’t know when, but looking at you now, it seemed you had been burning for a while.

“What’s got you so torn up about this?” he said gently, stopping a few paces away from you, “Didn’t fall in love with me, did ya?”

A laugh fell from your lips at the same time another sob did. Your shoulders hunched over more, and Fred’s heart hurt him. He walked to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. You turned to face him, and you both moved at the same time. He pulled you close into his chest and your cheek pressed against him. He smelled, he was dirty, and he was tired, but he still held you tighter than you had ever been held before.

You pulled away from him after a while, coming to terms with yourself in the moment of affection. You wiped your tears from your face with your sleeve, taking a few deep breaths.

“I think,” you hiccuped, feeling it hard to speak, “I think that the pretending was too hard.”

Fred felt guilt wash over him. He felt guilty for himself, because you had said exactly what he was feeling. He couldn’t stand to pretend, to keep himself from gripping your hand, or from kissing you any chance he got. He wanted it all to be real, he wanted this wall between you to crumble into a genuine relationship. He felt guilty for making you feel this way. He felt guilty for pressuring you into this allusion of intimacy. He hadn’t stopped to consider if this would be negative for you, only insisting it would all work out for the best.

As he watched your uneven breathing and swollen nose and eyes, he knew this was not the best.

He breathed hard, forcing himself not to cry as he looked at you. George was supposed to be the sensitive one, but Fred had always been a sympathetic crier.

“Me too,” he replied, his voice sounding far, far away.

You looked at him, feeling terrified. The cold air was moving through you liked you were transparent. Tears kept flowing down your face, and no matter how fast you dried them, you only cried more. Your head felt miles away from your body, so you stepped closer to him, hoping to step closer to yourself too.

“I don’t think I want to pretend,” you croaked out.

He blinked at you, and you saw a single tear fall down his cheek. He didn’t move to brush it away, and it moved slowly. It left a clean mark on his dirt-stained face.

You took a step towards him, covering your hand with your sleeve. You cupped the back of his neck with one hand and brought your sleeved hand to his cheek. You wiped the tear and the dirt away, but your hand didn’t move. You peaked your fingers from your sleeve and they grazed his face. His eyes fluttered closed and your throat tightened as more tears poured from your eyes. Your vision was blurry as you traced his face, moving over his nose, eyebrows, and lips. You stopped to cup his cheek, and he leaned into your palm. You felt the wetness of more tears fall onto your hand, and you bit your lips, holding in a wretched noise.

“Fred?”

His eyes fluttered open, and you realized his hands had found their way onto your waist, he held you tightly.

“Do you want to pretend?” you asked him.

He moved his head from your cheek and kept his wet eyes locked with yours.

“I want you,” his voice was hoarse and sad, but that was all you needed to hear.

You buried your face into the crook of his neck and he wrapped his arms around you tightly.

The dusk had turned into the night, and you pulled away from Fred. You looked up at him and swallowed away the tears that remained. You began to walk past him and up to the castle. He followed you quickly.

You were scared. You had safety in pretending, knowing this was all something for fun. But as you looked at Fred now, you saw something deeper. You saw the threat of genuine love and connection, the threat of heartbreak.

Neither of you wanted to go without the other tonight, you had decided. You wordlessly followed him to his common room, and he slipped his hand into yours. You had both ducked into a prefect bathroom on the way there, looking at yourselves and covering your swollen eyes.

He said the password to a portrait of a large lady, and she looked suspiciously at you both.

“Are you two alright? You’ve just about missed curfew,” she said, her voice booming through the staircase.

“Yeah, we’re alright, just tired from practice, is all,” Fred reassured her, and the door swung open. He walked in first, and you followed.

You relished in the warmth of the spacious room, feeling drawn to the fireplace. You walked over to it and sat on a large couch. The room was relatively empty, a few kids hunched over books.

Fred sat next to you, still in his Quidditch robes. He grabbed your legs with his hand and guided them to rest on one of his legs, hanging over it. This angled your body to him, and he moved his arm to wrap around you.

“When did you realize?” he asked, his face lit by the fire.

“Just then, when you walked up to me after your practice.”

His chest moved with a chuckle and you moved your head to looked up at him.

“Well that's a little embarrassing for me,” he said, pushing a piece of your hair out of your face while you gazed up at him, “I've known since I met you.”

“Shut up, no you didn’t,” you said lightly, assuming he was trying to be some sort of romantic and inflating the truth.

“I did,” he said seriously, “I teased you for so long for a reason.”

“Because you’re an idiot?”

“Yes.”

You both laughed, pulling each other closer.

“And because I liked you.”

You rolled your eyes, sinking deeper into him. You felt yourself getting tired and you peered up at him. His eyes were half-closed and his face was drooping.

“Fred, you’re tired, why don’t you go to bed,” you began to move off of him, but he pulled you back.

“Only if you make me a deal,” he said mischievously.

“What?”

“I’ll go upstairs and take a quick shower, but only if you come with me,” he replied.

“I am not showering with you, pervert,” you smacked his arm and stood from the couch, blushing furiously.

He smiled and grabbed your hand, turning it to kiss your palm. You shivered at his touch.

“No, just come lay with me,” he looked up at you, suddenly serious, “I want to be with you tonight.”

Your heart sank to your stomach and you bit your lip. You couldn’t speak, so you nodded your head slowly.

Fred fished his wand from his robes and waved it towards the stairs, performing the counterspell for the stairs. You followed him up to his room, where he put his finger to his lips, signaling for you to be quiet. When he cracked open the door, it was dark and the curtains for the beds had been drawn. He crept over to a chest at the foot of his bed and looked at you before turning to its contents. He pulled out two large pajama pants, both plaid, and two heavy sweaters. He tossed one of each on his bed and took the others with him.

“Here, you can sleep in these,” he whispered to you, and it felt like you would blush forever.

He smiled softly at you before closing the curtains for you, leaving you to change.

“Oi, mate,” you heard someone’s annoyed and hoarse voice, “what took you so long? Practice ended an hour ago.”

“I was talking with Y/n,” you heard the bathroom door open, “I’ll talk to you about it tomorrow, I’m gonna shower. And don’t wake me up for breakfast tomorrow, I want to sleep in.”

You smiled to yourself, holding the soft sweater in your hands. It had a large ‘F’ on it, and you traced your fingers over it. You slid out of your jeans and folded them, placing them on the floor by the trunk. You slid on the pants he gave you and silently laughed as they easily ran past your feet and dragged on the floor. You folded them at the waist, and they were still too long. You had just slipped on the sweater when Fred slid open the curtain. He watched you fold your shirt and place it with your jeans. His eyes trailed from his sweater to the way his pants covered your feet. He smiled widely and drew you closer to him by grabbing your hips.

You looked up at him, your chests pressed together. He brought one hand up to your jaw, tilting it up to align with his face. His lips parted and so did yours, the air between you becoming a mixture of your breaths. His was minty, he must have just brushed his teeth.

His thumb grazed your bottom lip, and he finally closed the space between you. His neck craned down to you, but when you stood on your toes he was able to stand straight. You pressed as close to him as you could, and so did he. His lips were warm against your cold ones. He felt the many places that had been chapped and bitten, running his tongue over them slowly. You sighed and ran your chilled hands up his sweater, feeling him shiver beneath you. Your fingertips grazed the muscles on his back, tracing every line you could feel.

You pulled away first, sinking down to stand flat on your feet and rest your forehead on his chest.

“I’m so glad we didn’t pretend to do that,” Fred laughed out, pulling you close to him.

You smiled and hugged him, before moving to the other side of the small bed. You both slid under the covers silently, thinking that if either of you said something, things would suddenly be awkward.

The lack of bed only made him hold you tighter, and the two of you fell asleep relatively soon.

You were awoken by the sounds of laughter. The curtains were still drawn, and Fred’s arm was still wrapped around you. Your leg was resting on him as he laid on his back, hugging you close to him. Your head lifted from his chest as you squinted your eyes.

“No, he said he wanted to sleep in, mate,” you heard George say. The door opened and you heard footsteps walking towards it.

“You think they finally told each other?” Lee asked George, pulling on a wool hat.

“I hope so, bloody awful letting Fred think he tricked us,” George said before closing the door behind them.

You smiled and let your head sink back onto Fred. He stirred and pulled you closer to him. Through the fabric of his sweater, you swore you could hear the steady rhythm of his heart.

#fred weasley #fred #weasley #weasely family #fred weasley fanfiction #weasley twins #fred weasely fic #weasley fic #fred fic #fred weasley imagine #fred imagine #fred x y/n #fred x ravenclaw #harry potter #hogwarts #ravenclaw #fred weasley x reader

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wistfulwatcher · 4 years ago

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Hello I saw your tag on that "im 25 and dying post" please tell us how it got better for you. Im 26, still living with parents, currently having a fight with my boyfriend, and i still have a year until I get my bachelors. The comparison to everyone younger than me is killing me.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling, but I hope you can take some solace in the fact that that post has a lot of notes and you are absolutely not alone in feeling the way you do! I can certainly try and share my experience, but unfortunately I think the biggest factor is just time (and like, a buttload of self-reflection).

I moved back home after college and worked full time at an administrative job I was doing during school breaks. I majored in psychology and anthropology in college, and was planning to eventually go into forensic psychology, but wasn't interested in going straight into grad school. So I did that administrative job for about a year, and tried to find something that was a bit more stable and at least semi-related to my field. I did end up finding a new job when I was 23 - stable, semi-related to my field (a psych/research background was required), and decent pay (especially as I was still living at home). Exactly what I needed, since I still wasn't ready to start looking into grad school.

I was doing pretty well, until I started getting comfortable at that job, and then I started getting hit with the "I'm not doing enough," and "I need to look into grad school," and "will I ever find a boyfriend?" (friendly reminder that 23-year-old me thought she was straight, yikes), "how will I afford to move out, I have to save my money and do it soon!", "I'm not doing anything but watching TV, I'm wasting my life," "I'm lonely, but I'm too tired to try and make friends," etc., etc.

But it wasn't constant. I'd have a flurry of those questions and fears, and then days where I was just living life and doing my job and taking care of my dogs, without any of that. And I don't think I felt good or particularly comfortable those days, it was more like I just wasn't actively thinking about it, like when you feel "good" after a physical pain goes away and you're just normal.

Eventually, I started thinking about all of these concerns I had, and the fact that it felt like it was URGENT whenever I thought about them. It felt like I needed to get my shit together immediately. I also started to acknowledge that there was this big sense of guilt around those concerns; I was too old to be living at home, I was too old to be single, I was too old not to be starting a career. I felt like I was wasting my life (cue the guilt), and I realized that part of why I felt like I was wasting it was that I felt like I was missing milestones I wouldn't be able to do at a later time because the older I was past "normal" the more humiliating it would be to try (cue the shame and embarrassment, hard).

I also started to doubt that I wanted to go into forensic psychology. More importantly, I started to seriously doubt that I wanted a "career" at all. My job (as I kept that same semi-related to my field one) was absolutely a job, not a career. And I think this was a huge tipping point for me, because a career had always been a given in my life. I'm passionate about what I'm interested in, so it literally just never occurred to me that I would be content with a job. I also started acknowledging that I had some messed up associations about being content with a job meaning that I was lazy (because the only way to be ambitious is with a career and, more damaging, a lack of ambition is fundamentally bad).

Now, I need to clarify that all of the above occurred over the course of years. I was constantly seeing "friends" (i.e., of the facebook variety) go to grad school, start careers, get married, buy homes, etc. And with all of that alongside the entire mess I've outlined in the above paragraphs, it was really, really, tough. It gets hard to find a foothold in better thinking, I believe, when seeing all of these people (some younger) doing things "right" was really just compounding my guilt and shame. (I feel like it's worth mentioning, too, that I was always "an individual" growing up, march-to-the-beat-of-my-own-drummer, yada yada. I feel like that's worth pointing out for others who may be in the same boat, because I think it can lead to another layer of shame in comparing yourself to those around you - especially if it's a big part of your identity that you DON'T do that, because I think it's inevitable as you get older, and you're looking to reach these milestones that prove you're an adult.)

So, here I am, acknowledging that I feel guilt and shame about what I'm not doing. And suddenly I ask myself my first really important question: Do I want a career? The question hot on its heels is: Do I want to go to grad school? Honestly, my answer is no. There is nothing in me that's excited by the prospect. But what, does that mean I'm just going to work my job for the rest of my life? How is giving up going to make me feel better about Not Doing Enough?

As I'm opening this door (remember, years), three things happen: 1) I realize I'm gay, 2) I watch Dirty 30, 3) I start playing D&D.

First, realizing I'm gay. Woohoo! Not only was this exciting because girls are amazing, but it made me seriously look at myself. Realizing I had spent 25 years assuming one thing about myself that turned out to be completely wrong made me question everything for a while. I started to ask myself, "Do I really like this?" more often, which seems like a really obvious question, but I'm not convinced that it's one people ask themselves consciously all that often. But once I did, I realized how freeing it was to answer, "No," and move on to something I did like.

Second, I watched Dirty 30, the Grace Helbig/Mamrie Hart/Hannah Hart movie. It feels dramatic to say that it changed my life, but the older I get the more I honestly think it did. Mamrie Hart's character is a dental hygienist who is freaking out about turning 30 and feeling very much like that text post I reblogged. But (spoilers), at the end of the movie, she decides that she loves her job (job, not career!) because it's comfortable and she has fun at work, and that it makes her happy. She has other things going on, but the idea that a character in a film is content with her job and choosing to "settle" into her life as-is and she's genuinely happy about it? I honestly can't think of a single other time I've seen that happen on-screen. I still think about that ending very often. And after seeing it, I started to ask myself another question regularly: "Am I happy?" Again, this feels pretty obvious, but I think there is something incredibly empowering about making sure you are happy on a regular basis, instead of just assuming that you're fine until something hurts.

Third, I started playing D&D. This is not a plug for D&D! (Well, maybe a little.) One thing that happened to me when I started to get into the urgent-guilt-shame-confusion mess of my mid-20s was that I got very much into a routine of go to work, come home, sleep, go to work, come home, sleep, be totally brain-dead on the weekend, repeat. I found it very difficult to feel creative because I was just wiped, and as all of my creative outlets (gifs, fanfic) are self-motivated, it was really easy to brush them off. I ended up starting Critical Role (this is also not a plug for CR! well, maybe), and I wanted to give D&D a try myself. (I was VERY lucky - my best friend happened to be listening to the Adventure Zone at the same time I started CR, and she wanted to try to run a game. The stars truly aligned!)

I started playing, then DMing, and found that it was a great fit for my interests. I used to be a theatre kid, and I was getting to act again (something I didn't realize I was missing). I was getting to build and flesh out characters, which is what I love the most about writing fanfic. I was also discovering that I was stretching myself - world building and plot had never been my strong suit, but as a DM it became the majority of my creative effort. It gave me soft deadlines with people I didn't want to let down, and it made me truly social again for the first time since college. Essentially, it was filling in all of the gaps of what I felt lacking in my life. This isn't a D&D plug because it wasn't D&D specifically, but rather a hobby that satisfied what was missing in my life. For example, I didn't realize how isolated I was before D&D until I had regular interactions with friends, and that isolation absolutely made the urgent-guilt-shame-confusion worse.

D&D gave me that final push to realize that I was OK with having a job and being passionate about hobbies instead of trying to fit myself into a career, because I was getting out of that hobby what I had been convinced I would get out of a career. I started to really value that I could punch out and go have fun doing exactly what I wanted to do. (It feels so obvious as I type this, but it took me a long time to get here! Sometimes it really is that simple!)

The above is specific to my job vs. career struggle which may not be in the mix of things you're struggling with. But what I do think is universal/can be your take away, is that sometimes you just have to actively choose to let go of the pressure to be doing things. Which, I know, sounds so much easier than it is (and part of why I think it just takes time/is part of growing older). But I think it's something that can be worked at over time, by checking in with yourself about what you feel, why you feel it, and what you need to make yourself feel better in the present.

It's been 6 years since I started that semi-related job, and I'm still there. I still live with my mom. I'm still single. My circumstances have not changed since 24, but honestly? I'm OK. When I check in with myself about it, I do enjoy living with my mom and our dogs (even though I'm 30 and "real" adults move out). I am happy more often than I'm not (much more, actually!). I have a job that allows me to be done after 8 hours, and I have hobbies I look forward to doing each night (and the energy to do them, most of the time). My weekends are free to play D&D with my friends and laugh until I cry. That is what I've worked out as my definition of what I want life to be right now. You'll notice it includes none of the "milestones" that those younger than me have hit.

As I noted on that text post tag, I still struggle with this. I definitely have days where I think, I'm a mess, I'm not DOING anything. It's hard. But time does help, those days become fewer and farther between.

I know that was probably a hundred times longer than you wanted it to be, but I did want to illustrate just how much of a process it is. It takes time. My summary advice is to check in with yourself often, be honest about what you want and what you need, do not let anyone else define where you "should" be. And if you aren't living life how you want to be, identify what you can do (however small) to make yourself feel like you're getting closer.

#ask #me #personal #i am so sorry this is a novel #i hope that it helps you even a little!#can you believe i can write about myself for 2 hours? embarrassing lmao #long post

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romangodfreyswifee · 3 years ago

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What about “Darling I love you and all, but please step out of the kitchen.” with JPM (with reader saying it to him) because I know that man cannot cook for shit! thanks xx

- this is a little canon because imma make the bar a bit like a kitchen as well lol

-this is my first time writing a prompt and i dont really know how to incorporate dialogue very well-

- im still answering i just need time to think of some ideas- this one took me 2 hours or so so i hope you like it <3

In the decades that the ghost James Patrick March had been haunting the Cortez he had grown used to being used by various women, often getting affiliated with them and left heartbroken by all so when you came around and showed him that there was somebody who could see past his money and material possessions it wasnt hard for him to quickly fall in love with you.

You loved him as well even after finding out that he was a ghost. The fact that James was a ghost never bothered you, after all growing up in the environment you did in the murder house, befriending a kind but quiet ghost like Violet did take away any shock value from him revealing this to you when he finally proposed.

You moved out of the murder house long ago and found your way to the cortez only planning to stay for a 2 week trip now somehow a few months later being wedded to a 150 year old ghost in the golden great front hall of the hotel cortez.

James being your husband didnt make you expect anything more from him other than his loyalty and love because being the independent woman you are you didnt depend on him for anything, finding comfort in it and giving you a sense of control over all aspects of your life. Although being extremely proud of you this heightened his insecurities from his previous relationships, feeling like he was no use to you past his money even if he knew you just loved him for who he was not what he had he worried you would leave him unless he could be responsible for at least a small aspect of your life and he was determined to do even the most insignificant of things for you in order to prove this to you.

You awoke to the sun shone directly into your eyes and rolled over to an empty bed (not something you usually roll over to) wondering where your husband had wandered off to you quickly dressed yourself and made your way downstairs

As you reached the bottom of the stairs the smell of smoke gradually got stronger and stronger as the well as the cloud fumes. A loud boom coming from the direction of the bar-kitchen made you jump. More smoke billowed out of there and you wasted no time quickly running to see what the commotion was all about, covering your mouth and coughing from the smoke that had made its into you nostrils and lungs practically strangling you. As you ushered away the heavy smoke shrouding the area away with a few waves of your hand, things started coming into view and you were met by your husband with his head resting in the crook of his arm as he violently coughed into it. He was covered with streaks of soot and what looked like batter all over his face. He gave a nervous laugh that was followed by another cough as he turned around and met your confused and frightened face.

“Goodmorning, my love” he said rather sheepishly

“James, what in fucks name are you up to?” you asked albeit harshly

“I thought it would be nice to switch things up a little dear, and make you a nice breakfast for a change”

Your hard expression faltered as you heard him say that and a smile started to creep up on your face “James” throwing back your head and chuckling slightly “you know you dont cook- just-” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose “Darling I love you and all, but please step out of the kitchen” as you gestured for him to make way so you can step into the kitchen. He moved aside as you pushed past him and started cleaning.

“Im really sorry Y/N, I didnt mean for this to happen its just-” he stood silent for a moment trying to find the perfect words to say “I cant help but feel like there isnt much I can do for you and this was the only thing I could think of and I-” his hands dropping to his sides as he finished.

You dropped the soot covered rag you were holding with a loud plop and turned around to meet his saddened expression. You cupped his face in your hands a lowered his face down to yours. “What do you mean there isnt much you do for me?” you asked with a mix of confusion and worriedness “What or who would lead you to believe something as stupid as that my love?”

He let out a hefty sigh and continued. “Nothing and nobody but myself” he admitted. “Sometimes I just feel like I am not good enough for you. Youre so perfect and I love you so much Y/N, the thought of you leaving scares me greatly, but i fear you may some days because I feel like im not enough for you-”

“darling” you said cutting his rambling short. “There is nobody more perfect for me than you, you are enough for me and youll never have to worry about me leaving you. “Ill be here, always.” You finished off bringing his forehead to rest against yours.

Your lips met as he reached in for a kiss which you reciprocated. You smiled against his lips as you pulled away. “Now lets clean up this mess”

#james patrick march #ahs hotel #ahs x reader #american horror story

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thisisthinprivilege · 4 years ago

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[tw medical abuse, mention of child abuse, fatshaming]? i have a huge fear of doctors now after being repeadly mistreated as a child and teen by them.

one of the last times i remember going was to grab a letter that allowed me to apply for therapy at 17, i asked my doctor specialized on working with children and teens, if i may have a bandage for a blister. it was 42C outside, i ran to make it to my appointment on time and i was wearing brand new leather sandals. he said with a smile that he wants to check it out first, confused i agreed and let him inspect it. "this wouldn't have happened if you lost weight. just as i thought this i caused by your obesity. you need to stop eating so much junkfood and work out." my mom kept me on strict diets and refused to give me food since i can remember and i had 5 hours of dance class a week, pe and i went swimming laps every weekend he refused to listen as usual.

at 16 i had an accident in PE, my teacher forced me to go beyond what i was able to do due to hypermobility even after i tried to explain it over and over again she simply blamed my weak joints on my weight, my wrists gave out and i fell on spine, i couldnt see i couldnt hear i couldnt breathe everything hurt so bad. i refused to be sent to the hospital because i was afraid it would be blamed on my weight. the pain didnt go away i couldnt lift my arms i couldnt lay down and after struggling for a week i bit the bullet and went to a doctor. he refused to treat me. he barely touched my back and only after i begged him repeatedly, obviously disgusted by me. then concluded again that im fat and need to diet. i pressed on and on until he finally agreed to have me x rayed. i had a nasty contusion and the intervertebral disc's were badly inflammed. even after seeing those results and diagnosing me, he refused to treat me. telling me itll go away on its own and i should diet. after more arguing and begging he prescribed me pain meds and was 'generous' enough to excuse me from PE, but refused anything else. i now have horrible chronic back pain. i havent been to a orthopedist since. my pe teacher failed me that year for being too lazy.

years later, when i was forced to have a check up for my social welfare the doctor ignored me when i mentioned my chronic back pain. i told him it hurts to put any outside pressure on it. he made me lay down and pressed with all his weight where i told him my injury was. he blamed the pain that was so bad i started crying on my weight.

how am i supposed to trust doctors? these are just a few examples. last autumn i slipped and sprained my toe so bad i was sure it was broken. i couldnt walk, couldnt move it, it was so dark blue it looked black. i refused to see a doctor, yes my toe still hurts and i cant stand on my tip toes anymore but this beats having to see a doctor and it made me realize there is absolutely nothing i would seek a doctor out for*. well other than my endo i see irregularily because having to exist in public is just traumatizing for me at this point. she is fat herself and she never tells me to diet or blamed my pcos/hashimoto on my weight but her substitutes always did, reminding me that she is a rare exception. they questioned the diagnosis she gave me, the prescriptions and ive heard the receptionist talk shit about her...

*(before someone flames me about corona and not wanting to see a doctor, i'm privileged enough to be able to stay home and have been quarantining alone since march 2020.)

#health #doctors #healthcare #fat discrimination #trigger warning #abuse #parents #family #school #submission

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passable-talent · 4 years ago

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part 4 for the dragon au? stakes are high and im scared but i need to know!

its been a while but here i am because i was suddenly fucking SMACKED with ideas (plural) so

| part 1 | part 2 | part 3 |

“I’ve tried to kill him before, (Y/N), don’t you remember? It didn’t end well.” Anakin was absolutely fuming- you were glad his anger was centered on you, and not Obi-Wan.

“His guards turned you away,” you said, leaning against the chest he kept pushed up against the wall. Shmi had taken a seat at the table, and Obi-Wan was with Ahsoka on the couch. Anakin was the only one standing, pacing back and forth. “And they only got there because you hesitated. I won’t.”

“It’s dangerous, (Y/N),” Obi-Wan reminded you, and you gave him a solemn nod, your left hand gripping your saber where it hung at your waist. “He’ll have any number of people come to his aid.”

“So we need to launch an attack,” you countered, “cover the entire town in battle so that I can do what I must.”

“And endanger the citizens?” Shmi spoke up from her seat at the table, and you turned from her gaze, puzzling downward at the floor.

“No,” you conceded, “the people have nothing to do with this.”

“Then we must evacuate the city,” Obi-Wan said, with the confidence in his voice that you had always admired. Your gaze lowered slightly as you considered what you’d need to do to get Palpatine alone. You then looked to the dragon who the Coruscantians would recognize, and know to fear.

“Anakin-”

“I could create a problem outside of town,” he said, waving his hand slightly as though he was stopping you from finishing your question. “That’ll get them moving.”

“If the problem is outside of town, they’ll only grow fearful and stay,” Obi-Wan said, and you tugged Anakin to your side the next time he passed, knowing that he’d calm down if he stood beside you instead of pacing. “We need to get them out of the city.”

“The center of the city is already in ashes,” Shmi said, “it would be nearly harmless to put on a fire show there.”

“Flush them out from the inside,” Ahsoka agreed, her dual sabers in her lap. You lifted your hips from the chest for an instant, feeling Anakin’s insistence that he wrap his cloak around you.

“You’ll cause a panic,” Shmi warned.

“Master,” you said, lifting your hand from your saber to slide it over where Anakin’s had come around your waist under his cloak, “you and Ahsoka can lead them out. They’ll trust two knights.” He gave you a brief nod. “Once the people are safe, Anakin can draw out the guards, and I’ll take care of Palpatine.”

“It’s a good plan,” Obi-Wan said, a hint of trepidation in his voice, “but remember who you’re fighting. He’ll have tricks up his sleeve.”

“He’s an old man,” you said, “when he stands alone, he’ll fall to me.” Obi-Wan shook his head, but you didn’t notice.

~~~

You waited for three days, giving you and Anakin both time to heal for another battle. Shmi kept the Jedi fed, and you stood watch at the mouth of the cave, ensuring that no armies were marching upon you.

On the fourth day, just before dawn, the plan was set in motion. You donned Shmi’s cloak, giving you protection. You watched, this time, as you wrapped it around yourself. Her scales were much browner than her son’s, complimenting your skin tone rather than standing against it. You didn’t mind the claws so much anymore- they’d be useful, if the scenario arose.

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka set into the woods, Obi-Wan’s cloak kept safe with Shmi so that he would appear as human and knightly as his apprentice. When enough time had passed that they would be nearing the village, Anakin took his dragon form, and let you climb onto his neck.

It was certainly different. His scales were as familiar as his skin, and yet the hulking might you felt beneath you was foreign. You held onto a lower set of spikes on the back of his neck and hunkered down, expecting the flight to be very difficult, between the wind and the speed and the cold.

As he left the cave and cleared the trees, it was quite difficult to hold on. You managed, but until the flight smoothed out, you’d have a hard time.

But when it did- wow.

The sun was just above the horizon, long away across the sprawling forests and mountains, painting the whispy sluggish clouds with gold and pink. You’d never been so high in your life, not even the mountains you’d climbed while training with Obi-Wan could compare. You saw the world stretch out before you, curving off into the golden oblivion of another dawn.

The wind was no longer harsh. It didn’t fight you, it flowed through you, pushing your hair back and raising Shmi’s cloak behind you. You felt almost as though you were levitating off of Anakin.

And Anakin- you held tight to him, but it was like you didn’t need to. His flight was smooth, gentle, he rose with the air instead of beating against it. The motion of his wings, up and down in long, controlled strokes, felt almost like breathing, like the breathing of a beast even greater than a dragon, the beast of flight, or even the wind itself.

You’d been around dragons for weeks, now. You’d known them and grown to love them. You’d fought for them, been rescued by them, been mistaken for one yourself. But in all that time, you’d never truly understood what it was like to be a dragon- not a fire breathing beast, but the ruler of the sky in a way that was second only to the rising, gilded sun.

You almost forgot what the day was meant to become, being the first of the morning to meet the sun as it peaked between the far-off mountain ranges. It wasn’t fear. You were facing no tyrant, you weren’t meddling in the politics of a king and his aspiring assassin. None of that was this day, not for the moment. This day was for the flight, for watching the forests and farms pass beneath you, for the clouds you could almost touch. Nothing had ever felt like this, and you doubted that anything ever would, again.

But all dreams end. And the day was not for a flight, but for a war.

Coruscant reared beneath you, and you lowered your chest down to become more aerodynamic against Anakin’s neck. He turned into a tight spiral, descending toward the great scorch mark he’d left behind in his rescue of you, all that time ago. When he touched down, you slid from his neck, touching the ground again. It greeted you like a long-forgotten enemy.

Almost immediately, you saw people begin to flee, to take what they had and rush to the streets and into the forests. You knew that somewhere, Ahsoka and Obi-Wan awaited them, to offer them guidance.

In the quickly-created chaos, you saw Palpatine. His red robes stood out to you, and you watched as he disappeared from the streets into a tall stone building.

You pressed your hand to Anakin’s cheek.

“Funnel them toward the Jedi,” you told him, his body so different but his heartbeat so familiar. “When you come back for the guards, I’ll know the people are safe.” He lept from the ground, and you pulled your hood over your horns, helping whoever needed it in the evacuation. They were moving quickly, and you disappeared into the crowds, knowing that Palpatine would stay behind and hide. He wouldn’t hide among the people.

When you neared the outskirts of the town, you turned back, facing down the crowd now rushing toward you. You froze in your tracks, like you had the day of your rescue, and you looked at Coruscant.

Once again it blazed before you. Once again its people scurried, terrified, but this time, it had been your choice. Your words from that day echoed in your ears.

“I curse this town.”

A woman tripped on her dress in your path, and you dove down to catch her before she hit the mud. Her eyes met yours as you righted her, and you watched as fear and confusion crossed her gaze. She recognized you.

“Go,” you told her gently, and she hurried past you without a word.

“I curse Coruscant and all who live within it."

You’d been so hurt, that day. You’d been hurt by the people who didn’t stand for you, but you knew better, now. You knew that it was Palpatine who held not only this town, but nearly the entire kingdom in his grasp. You were here to free them all.

“I curse you to the fire and death I sought to protect you from!”

Anakin swept past, raining fire down a few blocks over, but no buildings caught the blaze. He didn’t destroy the homes, he urged people out of them.

“I curse you to be torn, limb from body and flesh from bone, I curse you to the same end of pain and suffering that I will be given!”

A child stumbled from his mother’s grip and into the path of a frightened horse. With no hesitation, you scooped him up and turned, pulling him from harm’s way. His mother had nothing but relief in her eyes as she thanked you, whisking her son away.

“I curse the Force from this place, may its kindness never guide you again!”

You’d never hated the people. You’d never wanted this for them- you’d wanted to protect them from the scourge of a malevolent dragon.

Well, Palpatine was no dragon. But he was malevolent all the same.

When the streets were near empty, and the crowds were all behind you, you once again faced that grey stone building you’d seen him disappear into. You scanned it, and remembered what it had been- the barracks of the soldiers of the town. You’d been offered a bed there, when you first arrived. Why he would take refuge in it now, that didn’t matter, even as you looked up at the second floor window, and saw him staring back.

You lit your saber and entered the building.

The burning orange of your blade lit the room, the dawn sunlight not penetrating now-thick clouds of smoke. You made your way to the stairwell, hoping to corner him against the very window he’d revealed himself behind.

“Good afternoon, Sidious,” he said as you entered the room. You raised your saber, narrowing your eyes. Whatever plan he had, you gave him no opportunity.

“Your evil ends today,” you said, voice calm, strong.

“I’m not the evil in the room,” he answered, fumbling a grip onto the sword on his hip.

“I was a knight,” you growled, “and the town prospered without worry from the dragon. It was you who made them fear him. It was you who made them fear me.” Palpatine shuffled around the room, seemingly attempting to evade you. He only got closer to the stairs lead to the next floor up.

“Vader would have destroyed this town and all of its people,” Palpatine said, clutching onto the handrail of the staircase. “Just as he is now!” You looked, briefly, over your shoulder and out of the window that was now beside you. From here, you could see fire raging through the town.

“He meant Coruscant no harm until you threatened his home.” You stalked toward him, making him retreat up the stairs.

“A dragon is a threat, no matter the harm they intend!”

“You know nothing!” You snarled, one of your fangs catching against your lip.

“I know that you mean to kill me!” he said, pulling forth his sword with the weakness of an old man. “To plunge Coruscant into chaos!”

“Coruscant is in chaos!” you shouted, waving an arm across the windows. From the third floor, you could see not only the flames, but the people. “Is this what you wanted? Was this in your plans? Provoking a dragon would end no other way!”

“You didn’t need to do this!” Palpatine pleaded, “This isn’t my fault!” Snapping with anger, you struck your saber across a floorboard, slicing through it and sending the smell of smoke into the air.

“I wanted to help Coruscant!” you shouted, “I wanted to protect its people! It was your ambition that has brought this down onto the people! Don’t you feel even the slightest regret for that? You tried to execute a Jedi Knight! You plan to kill the king!”

As soon as you said it, you wished you hadn’t.

“So I underestimated you,” he said, and suddenly there was no fear in his voice. Suddenly, his limbs didn’t shake, and he raised his sword with strength you didn’t know he had. “I didn’t think you’d figure it out.” With speed that surprised you, he launched toward you, striking his sword against your saber with such force that you crashed to your back, your saber digging into the wooden floor. More smoke filled the air, and little glowing embers began crawling across the floor. You pulled to your feet.

Palpatine had disappeared up the stairs, to the fourth floor. You know he was baiting you into giving chase, but you couldn’t let him go. You charged after him, catching him before he could reach the next staircase. He was stronger than you’d realized, but still was no match for you- you began to overpower him quickly. Fear rose within him, you could sense it, and his tactics changed. Without warning, he shoved you against an armoire, and you went crashing through the doors.

The back of your head cracked against something within the wooden wardrobe, and you fell forward, dizzy for the moment. Palpatine, though, wasn’t concerned with you, and instead pulled something from the armoire. Hoping for your vision to clear, you looked up at him, trying to focus on the black thing that swirled around him for a moment before laying over his shoulders.

Wait-

You blinked, hard, as grey scales rose on his face and arms, as his fingernails lengthened into claws, as dark grey horns curled from his temples.

“You’re a dragon?” You forced out, pushing yourself onto your hands and knees. Raising your head, he said only one sentence to you as he turned to the final staircase, leading to the roof of the barracks.

“Haven’t you ever wondered who Vader’s father is?”

The world spun around you. Maybe it was the news, maybe the concussion. Now you understood why he’d baited you up the stairs- he could escape. He could escape, and with the form of a dragon he would incite a larger war, a war of chaos and mayhem and destruction. One that would have started right here, in Coruscant, and they would blame Anakin. It was all your fault- you thought you could outsmart him. You’d failed.

So you pulled yourself to your feet. You rushed up the stairs, your vision fighting against the smoke and the flames, but focusing on the black dragon that Palpatine had become.

You were too late- he took flight, clearing the rooftops to go incite the war that would make him king, as the last great politician who would save the kingdom.

Your saber humming at your hip, you grit your teeth. You wouldn’t let him do it. You wouldn’t let his thirst for power take any more lives.

You broke out into a run, one last effort of your prowess, gaining as much speed as you could before the edge of the roof, and then you jumped.

This was nothing like the flight you’d had with Anakin. This was sickening, your saber held beneath your fists, your body without control.

You focused any balance and agility you had as you closed the gap to the great dragon, and dug the full length of your blade, all three feet, into the thinner scales beneath the wings.

As your momentum was parallel to the dragon, the blade was wrenched sideways as you fell, but then began to be pulled downward with your weight. Like a knife through butter, your weight pulled the saber further from the ribcage and closer to the stomach, until you opened the gash entirely. You took down the dragon- you heard him roaring in his pain.

But when the saber left the dragon’s flesh, you fell.

Your saber lost its grip, and the wrench stole it from your grip, as well. You had no control over your body, and fell toward the ground with your stomach toward the sky. You were disconnected from everything you’d ever had- your Jedi training, your home at the temple or the cavern, the people you loved. You wished, even though it had been impossible, that you were wearing Anakin’s cloak. At least, then, you would be wrapped in him as you plummeted downward. That would’ve been all the comfort you needed.

You heard things crack, when you landed. You felt your head pound, wounds fresh and fresher willing you into unconsciousness. Your eyes still fighting against what they saw, you made out the shape of a human, falling from the sky above you. You saw a dark shadow pass through the smoke clouds, and a warm blanket of black overcame you. It dulled the pain, just for a moment, before your lost your grip.

~~~

“You’re gonna be fine.”

Anakin’s voice was far away, like you were hearing him through water. You felt warm. For a moment, you thought that he had you in his arms, under the blankets of his bed. There was too much movement for that, but still- he held you, and you felt just as safe as you would’ve, in his cave.

“Anakin, what’s happened?”

Oh, Obi-Wan always worried too much about you. Doesn’t he know by now that you can take care of yourself?

“Whose cloak is that?”

Shmi had a truly lovely voice; she sounded like a mother should. You had never known your mother.

“It’s got to be Palpatine’s. I found them covered in it, in the middle of a street.”

Anakin’s voice, muddled as it was, soothed you. His voice sounded the way that an arm wrapped around your waist felt. He sounded the way a strong hug felt after a nightmare.

“Palpatine’s? How is that possible?”

Ahsoka, on the other hand, sounded the way a jaunty slap on the back felt.

“I don’t know.”

Anakin sounded so troubled. You wanted to run your fingers through his hair, listen to the way his breathing would slow down. Maybe he’d want to talk over tea about whatever the issue was.

“Are they alright?”

Shmi, so kind. So selfless. These were your loved ones, the only ones you had. Their voices washed over you with calm like no healing salve ever could.

“I don’t know.”

Anakin- he had been attacking Coruscant. He’d been protecting the people while engaging the soldiers. Is that why he sounded so worried? Had he gotten hurt?

“Their leg-”

“I know.”

Anakin cut off Obi-Wan with urgency. Whose leg? Was everyone alright? Why couldn’t you move- why couldn’t you open your eyes?

“Are they going to be alright?”

Ahsoka sounded so fearful- you’d never heard her with so much fear in her voice. Something had to have gone horribly wrong, they needed help, didn’t they? They needed your help.

Your eyes didn’t focus, when you finally convinced yourself to open them. There was just grey sludge, and shapes all around.

“(Y/N)?” Anakin’s hands came to your face, and despite knowing that some sort of danger faced them, you smiled. You couldn’t help but smile, when he held you, when he looked at you with sharp, beautiful blue eyes.

“Hi,” you breathed out, making to wrap your fingers around his wrist. But a stabbing pain shocked your shoulder, and your arm stayed firmly in place.

“It’s okay, don’t move,” Anakin said, pressing a kiss to your forehead. His lips were so soft. Still, you felt warm. You tried to find yourself, to place your location, but all you could see beyond him was grey fuzz.

“Where-”

“We’re home, you’re okay. We did it.” A warm hand covered the top of your head, and you moved just far enough to see Obi-Wan give you a smile.

“I don’t know what you did,” Obi-Wan said, with that familiar touch of playful disapproval, “But you succeeded. Palpatine is dead.”

“The people?” You mumbled out, and Anakin squeezed your hand in his.

“As far as we can tell, no one got hurt,” Ahsoka said, standing behind Anakin, her arms crossed, but a smile on her face.

That was all you needed to hear. You laid your head back down, pulling Anakin’s hand onto your stomach. You didn’t want him going anywhere.

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka discussed something with Shmi, something about returning to Coruscant to help the people. You couldn’t pay much mind to it, not with your attention and your senses so dulled. All you could manage to keep track of was Anakin, his thumb running over your knuckles.

“I love you,” you said, unprompted. Your mind was fuzzy, your memory moreso, but you knew that he had been your last thought, as you fell.

His smile grew, and he lifted your hand to his mouth so that he could kiss your fingers. Your eyes never left his, no matter how tired you were.

“I love you,” he answered, resting his elbows onto the edge of whatever cushion you were laying on.

You couldn’t focus, really, not on any thought you had. Your mind was beyond scrambled, and slightly throbbing. Was that blood running down the back of your neck, or were you imagining that?

No matter the muddled state of your mind, though, you couldn’t look away from him. His kind expression, a mixture of relief and love and happiness and bitter-sweetness. His soft skin, for your hands to hold, no one else’s. His broad shoulders with his cloak stretched over them, and you wanted nothing more than to wrap yourself in that cloak just then. And his eyes- those piercing, chilling blue eyes that had focused on you the first moment he met you and never looked away. He was staring, even now.

A smile slid up your lips.

“Be not afraid of being startled by my beauty,” you whispered, gently squeezing his hand in your fingers, “for I am enthralled by yours.”

-🦌 Roe

@shads121 @midnightanixx @obi-bae-kenobi @orahnay-reads @nightfurya @gabile18 @immasucker @the-mandalorian-jedi @bisexualblckcanary @n3cronomicon @indycaelumskywalker @gabile18

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sunsinrinn · 4 years ago

Text

Secrets Part 6.

Bakugo x reader, Bakugo x Uraraka, Kirishima x Reader

Fluff- ish, language, angst

Word Count: 1,416

Idea: Y/n has a secret to share with bakugo not expecting a secret from him. She leaves heart broken and attempts to move on. But how will she move on if her secret can no longer be hidden? She fakes a relationship hoping its enough to not expose the true origin of the secret. (This is a terrible summary but I cant say much without spoiling future parts. 🙃)

“You will make me god mother right?” She looks at you expectantly.

You stay silent for a while but answer, “SO, about that...” you laugh nervously,

“Izuku and Shoto may or may have not already asked for that spot...”

She narrows her eyes, “You mean you chose them over me?” She looks at you and laughs when you look guilty. “Im just kidding, I will happily settle for being the cool aunt that spoils that kid rotten” You look shocked at her and realize she was kidding.

“WOw mina, way to make me feel bad.” You fake being angry.

“You know I was just messing with you, y/n”

You roll your eyes playfully, “Again mina, thank you so much for planning this. I appreciate it so much!”

She just waves you off saying it was an honor to host the baby shower.

After thinking for a while you speak up again, “When will you send out the invitations?”

“Oh! I will do it now!” Mina pulls out her phone and begins clicking through contacts not quite releasing who she sent the invite to.

You wait until she finishes and sip your tea.

When she’s done she puts her phone up and smiles at you. “Ready! Everyone has been invited!” You smile.

After an hour of chatting and catching up with Mina you head home to relax for a bit before Kirishima gets home.

As a week passes by less and less people talk about you and Kirishima and more and more people talk about what happened between you and Bakugo. You don’t comment on anything and neither does Bakugo so you just ignore them.

Finally, the day of your baby shower arrives. Both you and Kirishima get ready and you put on a loose dress that makes you’re belly hidden a bit. Kirishima just throws on a button up and khakis and you head over to Mina’s home where she decided to host it and knock on her door. As you wait kirishima whispers, “I am so lucky to have you!”

You blush and whisper back, “I am so lucky to have you as well”

When Mina opens the door you hug her and thank her again for hosting it. She hugs you back and ignores your thank yous because honestly its the 100th time you’ve thanked her. She leads you inside where there are some of your friends waiting, they all rush over to you and hug you bombarding you with questions.

Kirishima pulls you away protecting you from them, answering the questions himself. You sigh in relief and look for the refreshments, after finding them and enjoying most, you walk back to the crowd and ask,

“So how were all of y’all able to come over to the party? I didn’t think all of your agencies to allow y’all to come” You ask curiously

They all look over to you and answer “We just said we were going to your baby shower and they all automatically said yes”

You shrug and nod, “huh, okay”

Individually everyone walks over to you and congratulates you on your pregnancy and wishing you luck.

You thank each and everyone of them and smile.

After having small conversations here and there you all hear a knock. You all loo at each other and wonder who the hell is knocking now.

Mina gets up and opens the door. You here her ask,

“What the hell are you doing here ?!”

You become curious and get up to see who it is. Kirishima follows you and you both gasp at the sight.

“You fucking invited me Racoon eye” An annoyed voice you knew too well answers. You swallow nervously and go back to sit down. Everyone looks at you confused but realize what happens when mina Returns with two people following her. Bakugo and Ochaco follow her in. Bakugo looks for you and when he spots you he walks over to you. Kirishima sees him approach and stands in front of you.

Bakugo sees what Kirishima does and becomes annoyed, “Move out the way Shitty hair I have a gift to give her.”

“The gift table is over there” Kirishima points to the table across the room and Bakugo grumbles as he walks over to the table.

You’re just glaring at Uraraka as she stands there boldly like she has no care in the world.

You look over at mina but find that she’s equally as confused as to why they are here.

You ignore them and head over to get a drink. After you grab it you sit down at a table and sip it. As everyone is chatting and trying to keep calm with Bakugo and Uraraka here, you sense someone is behind you so you turn quickly to find Uraraka standing there with a sickingly sweet smile on her face. ‘Oh how I want to smack that smile away.’

“Y/n,” she says in a high pitched voice, “I just came to apologize to you about what happened. And I hope we ca still be friends.”

You look at her like she’s grown a second head before answering sarcastically, “Ah yes let me forgive you for fucking my ex fiancé, let’s forget it ever fucking happened and would you like a fucking friendship bracelet as well?” You try not to be loud.

Her face falls when she sees you wont just forgive her like that but puts on a brave face.

“I just wanted to apologize, but since you’re being a bitch I take it back.”

Her words cause something in you to burst, causing you to burst, “I DON’T WANT YOUR FUCKING APOLOGY BITCH! ESPECIALLY IF YOU DO NOT MEAN IT! YOU FUCK MY FIANCÉ FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG AND YOU THINK I WILL FORGIVE YOU JUST LIKE THAT??!!!”

At your outburst everyone looks over and Uraraka begins to loose her boldness when she realizes she’s been outed. Mina marches over to her and yells, “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING YOU DUMBASS? WHY WOULD YOU COME OVER TO HER AND CAUSE HER TO STRESS! SHE IS CARRYING A BABY!!!!” Uraraka stiffens at Mina’s words while everyone begins to look over at Bakugo who looks about ready to kill Uraraka. But out of no where once Uraraka looks at him he becomes calm again like something washed over him.

Bakugo is confused as to why he is no longer mad at Uraraka. It confuses him because hell he always wants to hate her but cant.

Everyone is still confused as Mina practically kicks Uraraka out. When she returns she glances at you and notice you’re anxious and panicky, so she pushes Kirishima towards you and takes it upon herself to explain what happened to the crowd. When mina finishes the story everyone is glaring at Bakugo who looks pissed off now that Uraraka is gone. He glances at them and scoffs, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DUMBASSES LOOKING AT?” He gets up and storms out.

Bakugo is pissed at Uraraka talking to you. Why in the world would she walk over to you and make you stress like that? It isn’t good for the baby or the mother. How he knows this? Let’s just say after finding out you were pregnant, he began to research it. He did notice you’re stomach was a bit to big for you only being 4 or five months. But there’s no way you would lie about that and about who’s the father. Right?

He continues to walk until he reaches his house. He sighs and unlocks the door overwhelmed by the color pink and an overwhelming and sickening scent of sweet vanilla. Uraraka decided to move in herself and change everything in the house. While you settled for pretty colors that accented each other, Uraraka chose pink. That is a color he has learned to hate with a passion. She also thought it was a good Idea to make the entire house smell like fucking frosting. You would never do that. No you’d choose a calming scent that wasn’t to overwhelming, something subtle. He found himself comparing Uraraka with you. He knew he messed up but he just can’t remember why he would leave you for someone as peppy and ‘sweet’ as Uraraka.

He sighs and enters the shared bedroom with Uraraka. He freezes and trembles with anger at the sight.

Uraraka was fucking someone. She looks at him and freezes.

Was this how you felt when you caught them?

SERIES MASTERLIST — Part 7

A/N- SORRY IM LATE TO POSTING IT I FELL ASLEEP RIGHT AS I WAS CHECKING IT OVER- n e ways, I hope you enjoy this chapter <3

If you’d like to be tagged in future parts or future works dont hesitate to dm, ask, or comment! I hope you guys had a lovely day today! Also if you asked to be tagged and I didnt tag you send me a dm so I can fix it :) also any tags in italics and bold, I couldn’t tag you :/ I’m sorry </3 but I’ll work on it <3

Secrets taglist: @hero-ink-pillar , @silentw-lkr , @ushiwakatrash , @purple-rabanito , @chaelysian , @puppycat714 , @fake-id-69 , @adaydreaminganon , @jessie9008 , @sam-i-am-1025 , @purple--nebula , @curiouslilbeast , @httpswwwtbhkcom , @setup-the-ace

#bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki #bakugo x uraraka #kirishima eijiro x reader #kirishima x reader #eijirou x reader #kirishima eijirou #bnha x reader #bnha #mha x reader #mha

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hopeless-starry-kingdom · 4 years ago

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You are the Cause of my Euphoria │Draco Malfoy

Draco Malfoy x Reader

Summary:Draco is the cause of your Euphoria but to get to your euphoria there is heartbreak

tw:toxic relationship,cursing,and mentions of sexual acts

!!!!!!I AM NOT ROMANTICIZING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS.I AM TAKING A SCENE FROM EUPHORIA AND TURNING IT INTO MY OWN LITTE REMAKE.PLEASE DONT THINK THAT I AM ROMANTICIZING THIS FORM OF RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!!

“First of all, ew. Second of all, ew.”You said as you watched Draco grope Pansy Parkinson from her ass as they danced. He was taunting you. Playing his little game he always did when you two get into a fight. Letting Pansy hang all over him but this time it was more extreme. The Yule Ball lights danced off you and the platinum blond as you stared each other down. It seemed you were the only two in the room full of wizards and witches.

The argument in question took place a week ago when Draco seen Cedric Diggory walking you to Potions. Cedric was a good friend and also sat next to you in class. He was asking for help on one of the recent assignments and since you were so good at Potions, you of course helped him. Draco had always been the jealous type. He didn’t like the stares you got from boys in all houses when you walked down the halls together. He’d pull you extra close. He didn’t like that some of them were bold enough to float a note or two asking you out or telling you how pretty you looked that day.

So when Ron, knowing Draco’s jealous tendencies and wanted to piss him off, called out to you. He told you how gorgeous you looked in a skirt. This sent Draco into a rage and turned the poor red head into a Weasel. You yelled at Draco and told him to turn him back and that it wasn’t necessary.

But you also had a small green monster in you. You didn’t mind when Draco got attention from the other girls. It only irked you when Pansy couldn’t keep her slimy hands off him and wouldn’t stop praising the ground he walked on. So you set her robes on fire when you and Draco had gotten into another one of your “splittings”. That’s what everyone at school called it. The splitting happened after every argument and one of you would end up walking away and saying how done you were with the others antics and it was over.

Sometimes the fights were over small things. Like the way Draco would kiss you hungrily when he knew people were looking. And sometimes big things, like the way Draco’s father would treat him and your guys’ relationship.

But that was the thing about your relationship, you loved each other to the ends of the earth, you would say. In an argument with you mother to defend him when you brought him over for Christmas, you told her that you’d kill for him and he’d do the same for you. And it was true.

There was no one else that you could picture the rest of your life with. It will always be Draco. Sure your friends and others would say its a bit toxic, with all the arguments and plotting against each other. Maybe it was just the Slytherin in both of you. But after your screaming match about what happened last week with Cedric, you knew he was in the wrong for getting wrongfully jealous and the way he was dancing with Parkinson, all you saw was red.

You glared are the couple as Pansy danced with him and he sent you a sly look.

“Y/N..” You friend warned at the table your group sat at. None of you had dates. Sure people asked you once they heard about yours and Draco’s splitting (because no one dared to ask you while you were actually with him. They were all scared). But you didn’t want to go around prancing with a new guy like you usually did. You actually wanted to solve the problem this time. But Draco had another idea.

Draco smirked at you as your death glare continued.

“Y/N, don’t.” Another friend warned as you got the same look of revenge on your face. What set you off was the way Draco had turned her and began to run his hands along her stomach “Y/N, don’t do—”

“Fuck this.” You snapped before Hermione could finish and stood up, looking to find someone to dance with. You seen Blaise sitting with his friends and approached.

“Do you know how to dance?” You asked and Blaise looked at you ,surprised. Him and Draco were friends and you knew that it would piss him off, royally. When he stared behind you, you knew he was looking at Draco. You huffed when you knew he was going to deny your request so you left to find Cedric.

Which wasn’t hard becuase he was always surrounded by people. You grabbed his hand and said “Let’s dance.” Thats all that it took for him as his friends gave him wolf whistles as you dragged him deeper into the dance floor and past Draco. He had stopped his dancing as he stared at Cedric gripping your hips and swaying with you. You turned and started to rub your back onto his front while rubbing your hands down your dress clad body. Draco glared at you and you only tilted your lips up before taking your hands and rubbing them up Cedric’s side of his head.

“I guarantee you Y/N and Draco are going to get married.” Hermione said as she sat down at the table and watched the scene unfold “They’ll probably divorce like three times and in some strange way live a pretty happy life.” Your friend added.

“Yeah.” Harry agreed, then Ron, and then everyone at your table was nodding their head.

Back on the dance floor, the music was becoming more upbeat and you upped your antics. Your moves becoming more sultry and seductive and it had Cedric blushing but had Draco fuming. He tried to match your heated moves but eventually gave up once he seen Cedric whisper something in your ear and you smirked. He dropped his hands from Pansy and marched outside for a breather. You saw that he was now gone and Pansy was left confused, alone, and quite embarrassed in the middle of the dance floor.

You rolled your eyes and turned to Cedric, “Nice moves. I’m going to go sit down now.” You gave him a smile but before you could leave he caught your arm.

“Do I have a chance with you? Or is it always going to be Malfoy?” You sighed as a lump formed in your throat. You truly didn’t want to lead Cedric on, he was a good guy with a kind soul. But he was right, it was always going to be Draco.

“I never wanted to mislead you,Ced. Honestly. It’s just me and Dray—”

“It’s complicated and you have history. It’s fine. I understand. My advice?Stop trying to one up one another. It’s not healthy and frankly not good for either of your mental health.” You laughed because of course Cedric would be giving you life advice in the middle of a school dance.

“Thank you,Ced. I’ll try.” You smiled at him before walking back to your table.

“Well that was quite a show. Is it my turn?” Everyone glared at Ron and Hermione punched him in the shoulder “Ow!”

“Whatever. I just want to go back to our dorms. Tonight was absolute shit.” Everyone sighed and agreed but then Harry spoke,

“Uh, Malfoy’s heading this way.” Everyone but you straightened out as he approached.

“What do you—”

“Shove it,Weasel.” Draco cut Ron off and you glared at him. Draco always found it a mystery how you managed to become friends with the Golden Trio, considering they were from a different house and different status. You had taught him that though they may be different from him and you, they weren’t different at all. Houses shouldn’t matter, the blood that ran through their veins shouldn’t matter. It did take him awhile to realize where you were coming from and what you meant but you were right, and he realized his mistakes and apologized to them. But that didn’t mean they still didn’t irk him to a certain extent.

“Y/N get up.” He demanded and you rolled your eyes with a scoff “No.” You didn’t like how he spoke to you sometimes either. Like his father to his mother.

“Just get up.”

“Why?”

“Can you stop being so bloody difficult and come dance with me?” He hissed and everyone looked around the table at eachother.

“Why would I dance with you?”

“Becuase it’s a fucking slow song.Come on get up.”

“Piss off, Malfoy.She doesn’t want to go with you. End of story.” Harry stood and tried to defend you and you smiled at him but looked back at Draco.

“You’re despicable. But fine i’ll dance with you.” You gave in and stood. Grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the other teens who were slow dancing.

He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close to him. Your hands snaked around his waist as well and you layed your head on his chest as the song played.

“Sometimes I hate you.” You whispered

“I know.” He replied

“You’re cruel, psychotic, and a jealous freak. And sometimes I don’t like the way you make me feel.” You admitted and your voice cracked as tears began to well in your eyes and cause your throat to tighten. The same thing happened with Draco.

He was trying to get better at this. He didn’t want you to fell like there was no love in the relationship. He did love you. You were the light of his life. You were his patronus. He didn’t mean to get overly jealous or possessive but he just wanted you to himself and he couldn’t bare the thought of someone else being with you the way he is. It physically hurt to watch you walk away from the numerous breaks you two had. He didn’t want this anymore. He didn’t want to break your heart anymore than he already has. He wanted to give you unconditional love all the time, no more jealous kisses or possessive grabs. He swore to himself that after seeing you with Cedric.

You sniffled, “It’s not good for us.”

“I know.”And just as he was about to apologize and swear to you, one last time you spoke “And I know that I’m not the best girlfriend either and Im sorry but maybe we shouldn’t be together.” You hiccuped and Draco shook his head at the thought of you not being in his life. He gently pulled back and intertwined your hands “I love you.”

“Me too...But I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore. We both deserve better.” You replied and everyone was unaware of the conversation going on, they payed no mine to the couple and the relationship being torn down.

“I don't want anyone else, Y/N. Im sorry, we’ll fix this. We always do, darling.”He cupped the side of your face and rested his forehead against yours. You raised your hands and gripped the back of his platinum locks and brought his lips to yours. You knew that fixing the issue would only lead back to where you stood now. So you pulled back from his lips, him chasing yours as you stared up at him with teary eyes

“I’ll see you around,Dray.” And then you walked away. Away from the boy you loved but also away from constant heartbreak.

#draco x you #draco fanfiction #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco x y/n #draco #Dracomalfoy #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy oneshot #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy fanfic #harry potter

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florenciafms · 3 years ago

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fivel stewart & she/they / genderqueer ‷ watch out , FLORENCIA MORRISON has crash-landed into roswell !! they look twenty-four years old and celebrate their birthday on march 7th. they are from san diego, california, reside in neptune ave and are currently working as the owner of the stalk market florist. one thing you should know about them is their parents are big-shot lawyers in california‷

born to highly respected defense attorneys nori tanaka-morrison and scott morrison.

she lowkey got money?! but its their parents money so do they REALLY have money?! i’ll let u decide.

has always been expected to be very prim and proper

shes honestly ??? v shy. SO shy. scared of her own shadow probably. has to breathe thru a paper bag before making any phone call.

not that great at talking to new ppl ?? easily intimidated. the fact that shes friends w milena will be a mystery to us all. but they are grateful for milena n the rest of the girl gang xoxo luv yall

they tried to expand their social horizons their sophomore year but they were whisked out of san diego and had to finish their senior year in a new town / state / school so they pretty much hid back in their lil shell until they graduated.

she moved to roswell her sophomore year of high school to live with her brother, edwin. he figured they would thrive better in a place like roswell FAR AWAY from their parents. still, the pressure was on them because the morrisons expected them back in california to attend stanford once they graduated.

their parents wanted them to major in law and follow in their footsteps, but florencia turned to statistics instead. it wasn’t what she wanted to do, either, but she knew she could spend less time at university and her parents would still respect a degree in statistics since it could lead to so much more. also, they managed a minor in plant biology without their parents finding out.

once they graduated from stanford, they moved back to roswell to live with their brother. he actually did follow their parents career paths and was a successful lawyer in roswell. with his help ( and money ) she was able to open the stalk market florist earlier this year.

has definitely dressed up as flo from progressive for halloween

loves dressing up for halloween?! and just loves going all out for holidays

oh also if florencia is too much for yall honestly call her flo she doesn’t care. just don’t make aunt flo jokes they’ll cry.

sees a therapist every week to try and work on herself

journals due to said therapist

very insecure abt. well, everything. they feels like they’re a failure because they’re not anything like either of her parents and doesn’t really wanna be a lawyer ? she just wants to study her plants and go.

that bitch who has Succulents™️

literally just has dirt in jars and lil plants sprouting out of them

probably talks to her plants more than any person

um?! they’re a lesbian!!!!! love that for her. wish she hasn’t shoved herself in the back of the closet tho.

yes i hate that they’re in the closet but im excited to write it too WHEW this bitch gna be!!!! confused at all times. catch her chugging wine around any attractive woman ( so everyone?! )

INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA TW

they were born and raised roman catholic and while they don’t see the problem with OTHER people being gay / bi / lesbian they sees a problem with THEMSELF being a lesbian. she’s happy for everyone else tho. shes proud of yall!

because her parents focused heavily on their faith while raising her ( even though they definitely didn’t stick to all beliefs ) she far too scared to ever mention anything to them because she knows that they would disown her immediately. even living with their brother, they can barely admit to themselves that they may have feelings / attraction towards women.

when it comes to her gender identity, she’s really indifferent. it’s easy and familiar to use feminine pronouns, especially when around her family. however, they don’t mind they/them pronouns either. same with gendered terms. they’re okay with sis, bro, girl, etc.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

i’ll set up a proper wanted connections page but here are some ideas!!

maybe a girl who flirts with her ?? she gets all flustered cus she doesn’t really know what flirting looks like and she’s already awkward enough as it is

anyone who comes to the flower shop!!! maybe someone who shows up a lot and always is buying flowers for someone new. flo nevers asks questions but just know they’re always 👀👀

maybe the classic found family trope!! she lives with her brother but i’m keeping him as an npc. i’d love people who are close to them and like their lil roswell family. if any older charas wanna become the loving mother / father figures they need.

ok that’s quick but im good at brainstorming I PROMISE just let me know!!!

#idk do i tag it again #i untagged the last one so why not #roswellintro

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florenciafms-archive · 3 years ago

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born to highly respected defense attorneys nori tanaka-morrison and scott morrison.

she lowkey got money?! but its their parents money so do they REALLY have money?! i’ll let u decide.

has always been expected to be very prim and proper

shes honestly ??? v shy. SO shy. scared of her own shadow probably. has to breathe thru a paper bag before making any phone call.

not that great at talking to new ppl ?? easily intimidated. the fact that shes friends w milena will be a mystery to us all. but they are grateful for milena n the rest of the girl gang xoxo luv yall

has definitely dressed up as flo from progressive for halloween

loves dressing up for halloween?! and just loves going all out for holidays

oh also if florencia is too much for yall honestly call her flo she doesn’t care. just don’t make aunt flo jokes they’ll cry.

sees a therapist every week to try and work on herself

journals due to said therapist

that bitch who has Succulents™️

literally just has dirt in jars and lil plants sprouting out of them

probably talks to her plants more than any person

um?! they’re a lesbian!!!!! love that for her. wish she hasn’t shoved herself in the back of the closet tho.

yes i hate that they’re in the closet but im excited to write it too WHEW this bitch gna be!!!! confused at all times. catch her chugging wine around any attractive woman ( so everyone?! )

INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA TW

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

i’ll set up a proper wanted connections page but here are some ideas!!

maybe a girl who flirts with her ?? she gets all flustered cus she doesn’t really know what flirting looks like and she’s already awkward enough as it is

anyone who comes to the flower shop!!! maybe someone who shows up a lot and always is buying flowers for someone new. flo nevers asks questions but just know they’re always 👀👀

ok that’s quick but im good at brainstorming I PROMISE just let me know!!!

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rigelmejo · 4 years ago

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march - just some thoughts

i have read more this month than any other month? and its not slowing down its only 3/12 so i have 2/3 of a month to go and i’ve read 26 chapters. even if these chapters are ‘short’ at 10 pages, if i wanna count by ‘20 page’ chunks i’ve still read 13 chunks so far. and i’ve still got more time in the month left. most other months i’ve managed to read ‘a lot’ i read 10-20 chapters. so i’m doing really good.

grammar is a weird thing? in reading i feel like its quite easy now to understand. when listening or watching - same. and yet if asked ‘why do i say/type X’ or ‘why is it written/spoken like X’ i have absolutely no explanation in my head. i could not explain the grammar if prompted. this puts me in a weird place and i feel like i SHOULD go over a grammar guide again just so i can WORD what i’m intuitively understanding.

this is a bit bizarre to me because within the first 6 months of study i DID read through an entire grammar guide just to get an idea of what i was about to look at, and it hardly made sense once actually reading/watching/listening. i understood the guide fine, but actually Seeing chinese i was still confused. i would reference AllSetLearning’s Chinese Wiki on some basic points, then after 6 months i just stopped. now its been what 1.5 years and - reading is so easy, listening is so easy, grammar wise. none of the grammar confuses me. but i no longer ‘explicitly’ have any idea what the fuck the grammar is. i used to. i studied it explicitly before trying to read/listen. and yet now that i can read/listen, i have no idea how to explain the grammar. i can listen to a podcast and i don’t think about what the grammar is i just get it. i read and just know what i’m looking at. its like english - i cannot fucking explain it. Which makes speaking/writing a bit hard. Because when i try to check if i’m right i have no fucking clue HOW anymore - i just say/write what comes to mind and HOPE it makes sense. i have no way to conciously check for errors except ‘does this feel right’? And that’s not good enough for me lol. So I definitely do need to eventually read a grammar guide for explicit explanations again.

Technically I think “English and Chinese Grammar Side By Side” grammar book would be an excellent one to use. Because i read the first 50 pages of it and it compared it to english (so it explained english too), and it was very easy to understand and started basic then got more involved.

I’m probably gonna use my very old Chinese Grammar Self Taught by Thimm book instead. Just because I really like that book. Then I guess use another after (probably Basic Chinese Sentence Patterns since its modern and perfect for ‘catch your own mistakes’ study and much shorter than Eng+Chinese Grammar side by side).

Anyway I’m in a very weird place right now lol. I know i’m understanding grammar that is stuff I never even studied initially in the grammar guide, but unable to explain what it is, and a lot of stuff i did explicitly study in a grammar guide i completely forgot the explanation for. My reading and listening is GREAT, because all my effort only has to go into learning new words lately! its relaxing! Its the only part i need to do! But my writing/speaking i am very concerned about because being able to check myself for mistakes is something i’d like the ability to do.

how grammar is presented really makes a difference in how well i get it. there is some serious benefit to ‘show simple first then build up what you know’ that text books tend to prefer. versus like grammar reference books that may start with some in depth stuff.

i tried to read a japanese grammar guide the other day and 1 it was great but 2 it covered some ADVANCED stuff i never learned in genki 1+2, and so it was Explicit grammar description of stuff i had literally years ago been immersing in japanese and Still not conciously known about. So i felt. Overwhelmed lol. I felt so confused. I feel like I might switch to Tae Kim’s grammar guide primarily just because its structured with basics covered first. and i feel like until the basics are again glued into my brain, seeing even more advanced stuff just confused me so much i had no idea how to remember it. which is funny because? my usual strategy with grammar guides is to just read it and let what sticks stick and what is confusing be moved on from, in the hope i will later see it again and understand it better. so like based on what i usually do i should’ve just been able to read through it (and i’m gonna try anyway lol). but truly japanese grammar just... my mind does not like wrapping around it and remembering it. (chinese grammar is so much easier for me... so much easier....;-; )

i have been tempted to just Restart Nukemarine’s LLJ (Lets Learn Japanese) memrise decks, because I KNOW they worked for me last time really really well. And they include Tae Kim grammar lessons. And I know if i did it then maybe i’d get back to where i was years ago pretty fast.

I tried Earthlingo app. Its a cool idea, I don’t think its worth it though unless you planned to get Rosetta Stone (since Earthlingo is FREE). Earthlingo features 1000 words per language, taught to you by exploring video game worlds as an alien. Its a cool concept, but since all words seem to be nouns then you aren’t even learning the most common verbs/adjectives. And 1000 words is not a lot. And you could learn 1000 quite fast if using srs flashcards like Memrise or Anki (think weeks if you push yourself, and a month or two months if going at a regular pace). Earthlingo you have to slowly explore the worlds so that eats time, you have to choose to test yourself (so you don’t review nearly as often as flashcard apps), and one test includes walking around the world clicking the object which you’re given the word for (takes time to find the right object). All this means a word that might take maybe 15 minutes to study over a few weeks, might instead take much longer to study and learn. I don’t use duolingo because it generally covers so few words (usually 2000-4000 i think which is good for a beginner resource but you have to do the WHOLE course to get to all those words and i take so long on duolingo that could take YEARS for me versus a month on a flashcard app or clozemaster). Duolingo I also don’t use because it very slowly paces learning material (it takes me months/years to get through 1000 words on duolingo - just personally i go so slow on it, i think faster people would find a use for it). Likewise Lingodeer takes me AGES to get through (and i think covers 2000 words nowadays? I’m shocked Duolingo has more words for the japanese course tbh). However, Lingodeer is by far the best ‘app’ for Japanese grammar lessons in app practice form. Even if basically all the apps feel pretty slow to me in how fast they give you new info. Earthlingo is cool that its free, and for learners 12 and under i think it would be super useful as a way to engage them and keep them studying (since what child likes flashcards? whereas as a child i would’ve loved this). But as an adult Earthlingo is sooooo slow on how fast you can learn words, and it does not even offer very many words (1000 is a nice bare minimum but without verbs/adjectives it can only be a supplementary learning tool for beginners at best).

Link about Lingodeer having 2000 words in a course. (Since its SO hard to lookup how much vocabulary lingodeer includes :c )

Nukemarine’s LLJ memrise decks (which I’m considering going through again but ToT agh flashcardssssss.... they sure do work though agh)

http://www.chinese-grammar.com/beginner/ - this is the site I read a chinese grammar guide on at like Month 3. I am rereading it now maybe it will help me remember wtf grammar explicitly is. ToT (A tip, read Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced sections). Last time I visited the site you just clicked a section, then saw each fully explained grammar point and clicked ‘next’ it was nice. Now its laid out a little less ideal for me, but its still got all the same nice info! (Also honestly if you are a beginner I really DO like this grammar guide... it introduces basic info first, gradually gets more complex, and i could follow its logic knowing like 200 hanzi and 100 words ToT. its very easy to understand even if it takes a while to apply that info).

im probably gonna read hanshe more today. i’m at the point where either i know enough vocab, or the writers style has just ‘clicked’ idk. but now i just am not getting bogged down by unknown words and am just. speeding through enjoying the plot. Also rip me this novel has 155 chapters and im only on chapter 30.

watching japanese lets plays is really fun! i feel like im 3 years old cause i just see nouns i can learn pretty easy in context cause i know the game well, and hear some vaguely familiar verbs, but its fun! also it helps i know kingdom hearts 2 like by heart so. a lot of it makes me instantly cheerful and nostalgic. roxas’s voice is so cute in the japanese version.

oh i almost forgot: I found a book recently for chinese that for it’s like 10 page grammar guide summary at the beginning ALONE i think is more than worth the 4 dollars it costs to get. It has a ton of compound words and its a reference book in mandarin and cantonese (it has pronunciation for both, all characters are in traditional). I got it initally because it as a bunch of compound words and I’d like to get better at knowing a lot of common ones. But the intro to the book has a page explaining sentence structures in chinese, then examples. Its so straightforward and to the point. I love it. The book is “Understanding Chinese: A Guide to the Usage of Chinese Characters” by Rita Mei-Wah Choy. (There is also a companion book for individual hanzi, which is nice but this book specifically I’m finding more useful).

what i really like about Listening-Reading method, and reading, as study activities: no matter how I do them it is only improvement. I have a tendency to ‘redo’ material i don’t feel i fully mastered, or refuse to move on. So when i have duolingo, flashcards (sometimes i can move on if i ignore reviews/make myself do new stuff), books, grammar guides, self guided classes - i have a tendency to redo the material. over and over. and not progress and challenge myself. whereas with reading - every time i look up a word its useful because its new or something i clearly Need to review (not something i’ve actually learned and can move past reviewing). so whether i reread material or read new stuff, as long as i run into things i find somewhat challenging (feel the desire to word look up), i know i am running into new material i can learn. Same with listening-reading method: whether i finish a book or just skip to random books, any new chapter i do will give me new words to learn/remember (until i’ve reached a point of perfect listening comprehension which is a WAYS away). There’s no way for me to mess it up. I can give up a book im bored with, i don’t have to stick to one resource to the end.

someone tell me why professionally made chinese audio books almost NEVER line up to the chapters???? whyyyyy ;-;

Even More Notes lol:

So I read so much in Pleco, which auto pronounces, I have COMPLETELY forgot. 得地 - for these two, when they’re attached after a description like 淡淡慢慢高兴 etc, when are they pronounced di versus de???? i’m pretty sure 得 is pronounced de when its an adjective like ‘-ly’. but for 地, i don’t remember if when part of a describer if its pronounced di or de????

#rant #march progress #march #everyone using ore in kh2 is hilarious a lil to me tho #u are all bishies u are all tiny kids WHy u acting so tough lol

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softyairs8 · 3 years ago

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hi!! hru? 🧋

could i have a future spouse reading pls?

also omg i've been obsessed with this song recently but i totally reccomend the mission by bakar !

thx u <3

Hi lovely! I JUST LISTENED TO THE SONG AND ITS REALLY GOOD! Also, im good!! how are you?

Your future fs has a lot going on. I think they might be confused about a situation right now. It could be a partnership. I also heard 'trust issues,' so maybe they don't have the best experiences when it comes to relationships, whether it be romantic or platonic. Their energy is coming in very strong right now. I think they feel kind of slumped? Like they're stuck in a cycle or situation and don't know how to get out. It feels like they're in a maze. Although they're stuck in this situation, by their energy, they seem like such an amazing person. They are so loving, thoughtful and honest. I feel like they've been through a lot in the past, and it has made them such a strong and brave person!! Because of what they've been through, they will be very protective over you, in a good way though, nothing toxic!! I'm getting the feeling that they workout but recently have been putting it off, which is making them feel a bit lazy? I'm not sure why but the word 'lazy' keeps popping up in my head over and over again. Maybe people around them are telling them that they're being lazy? I'm sensing that your fs feels like nobody understands them right now; emotions are running high with them. When you both come into union, they will feel like they finally found someone who understands them, and you'll be their shoulder to cry on. I'm sensing strong water and fire sign placements. Scorpio, Sagittarius, and some air sign energy, too (Libra). Moving onto their appearance, they could have a square or triangle body shape. I'm seeing tan skin. Their hair is on the longer side, it may be wavy or straight. I'm also seeing that their eyes can either be blue or hazel!! I'm also hearing 'big city,' so they or you could live in a big city, or that's where you'll meet. I'M SEEING TRAVEL!!! You could meet them while travelling, but I also feel like it could be a long distance relationship. I heard 'just chill,' so they could be a very chill and calm person when first meeting, but once you get to know them, they'll be so open and energetic. I heard 'honey,' so you could call each other that. They could also be a marvel fannn!!! I'm also seeing an ice cream date! HOW CUTE, OMG. The letters I got for you are K, X, M, and H. These could be initials, places, or months (May/march), I also heard 'October.'

I hope this resonates, don’t forget to leave feedback!! Thank you so much for participating! 💞

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taesbetch · 5 years ago

Text

04| Den Of Hybrids

Pairing: BTS x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Summary: Taking care of six hybrids can be a pain in the ass but when a stray needs y/ns help, y/n brings him home to his new family. Follow Y/n as she tries to help Taehyung (The new hybrid in town) fit in and continue to keep the other six alive along with other troubles that life brings.

Word Count: 1.8k

Previous | Next

Silent. The house was so incredibly silent. And oddly cold. Without the presence of your seven hybrids, the house had lost its sparkle and as you sat on the staircase staring at the door your hybrids had just marched out of, a small tear let itself fall down your cheek.

You held your phone in your hand knowing that you needed to get on the phone with the police asap there's no way that this is allowed. She can't just take your hybrids without your consent. You dialled the number of a very good friend of yours who ran multiple hybrid organisations, hoping she would be able to help you sort this mess out. "Oh hey! y/n! hows it going?”

“Horrible. Hyuna please help me out. My bitch of a great aunt has taken my hybrids !? Claiming she can do so because I’m providing for the family and i need to get my work done? What the actual fuck? Can she do that?” You asked, tears prickling in your eyes as you imagined how scared and uncomfortable your hybrids must be.

“Well no, not to you anyway considering you’re over the age of sixteen! Did she show you a document?” Hyuna asked, concern growing in her voice as you heard her type away on a laptop.

“Barely. It looked real and she said she had the police involved. Hyuna what do i do?!” You pleaded suddenly the situation dawned on you that your hybrid hating aunt was supposed to look after seven hybrids for a brief amount of time. HYbrids who were traumatised, Hybrids who were high maintenance....This was really, really bad.

“Don't worry we’ll get them back before anything bad happens, I'll call you back in just a second,” Hyuna said before hanging up. You quickly grabbed your bag not being able to just sit around and wait.

--- Third P.O.V

“I can’t breathe”

Namjoon sat with jimin as he gasped for air. All seven hybrids were trapped in a stuffy room. Grey walls containing them from any other contact. Single beds lay in a row, one for each hybrid; one pillow and a small blanket fit for a baby.

“Jimin it's okay! Y/ns gonna get us out of here we don't have to worry” Namjoon cooed as he rubbed the bunnies back. Jungkook sat staring at the two as yoongi tried to lay his head down and sleep.

“Yoongi how can you sleep at a time like this?” Hoseok asks as he sits himself down on the bed next to yoongis.

with a scoff, yoongi rolls over to face the confused man.

“How else are we supposed to pass the time?”

The boys sat quietly for a second as the doors outside started to open.

“She's coming” Jungkook whispered, his spirits a little broken from being yelled at a little too much on the ride here.

As the door opened the boys all tried their best not to sneer at the elderly woman. they all shuffled around uncomfortably as she glared at the lot of them, two men stood behind her both dressed in all black with their eyes hidden by sunglasses.

“take the photo” She orders.

One of the men take out their cellphone and snap a quick picture of the boys. He then moves further into the room taking a close picture of the tearful jimin and the depressed jungkook.

“That should do it,” May says, a sly smile making it onto her face.

“DO what?” Jin asks bravely his experience with the hag proving an advantage.

“Well when soppy little y/n sees how sad her hybrids are she’ll do anything to get you all back home. Maybe even pay a little price for your speedy return.” She explained laughing afterwards like she had just won the worlds smartest women award.

The boys all glared with disgust. Of course, she had some alterer motive. None of this was to help y/n. Its always about the money and it will always be about the money.

“ You’re a wretched witch, y/n will never give you what you want” Jin stated strongly resisting the urge to spit where she stood. Her smile dropped. Nodding at one of the men she watched joyfully as he strolled over to jin; without hesitating he struck jin across the face, his fist meeting jins jaw with swift precision.

The boys all rose with panic. Namjoon stepped forward with a scream of disapproval but before he could do anything the other man was pointing a gun at hoseoks head. Everyone froze.

“That seemed to shut everyone up. Y/ns life wouldn't be so messed up if it weren't for you mutty hybrids. Honestly, what was she thinking? The girl could be an award-winning scientist by now...but instead, she lounges around writing books and taking care of you” May rants. her eyes flickering between each of theirs.

“Sleep tight. I’m sure by Saturday you’ll be back in your home. Or back on the street. Either way” May laughed once more before she exited leaving the room feeling heavy with emotion. Namjoon looked around worriedly, and for some reason, he knew that the hit jin received would not be the last one.

---- Y/n

“What the fuck.

You stood in front of your aunt's house, banging on the doors to what seemed like an abandoned home. The maids weren't even present, nor was norm, the angry doorman who you know hated you as much as your aunt.

The white pristine house you hated so much as a child and feared to enter seemed so dim and..well beneath you. It felt like what was a David and Goliath story had flipped on its head. Pressing your face against the glass pannels you noticed that no lights were on which was odd for your aunt.

sneaking around the back you were even more surprised to see no garden workers attending to the massive gardens outback. Roses looked dried out and leaves had flown their way over to the once perfectly cut patches of grass.

“So weird.”

disrupting your thoughts, your phone rang.

“Hyuna! Hey! what did you find ?!”

“sooooooo much. Enough to bury your aunt with at least 60 years in jail” She replied. The typing you heard before still going.

Your eyes widened in shock at the response you had gotten.

“Wow! I-i-i Don't wanna send her to jail for basically the rest of my life, i just want my hybrids back.” You replied, your eyes drifting to the house where minimum furniture lay and old paintings sat broken.

“I mean okay...You have security cameras in your house, don't you? Let me come over and ill send it to my people i can have your hybrids back by tomorrow.” Hyuna said before hanging up the phone.

You sighed, looking at the house that used to bleed ‘im rich’ in confusion one more time before leaving. How very very odd...

---

“Wow, Everything is happening so fast” Hyuna sighed as she watches the security footage back. You ran a hand through your hair feeling the same level of frustration as you did that day. Both of you sat in your lounge trying to decipher the situation. Hyuna seemed to think that this video was more than enough evidence as she had no actual means to take your hybrids.

“Okay, let's get this in and get your hybrids back,” Hyuna said as she typed away, her fingers moving at the speed of light. As you watched her your phone lit up with a text message from your aunt.

‘How horrible. Look what the did to each other! Guess the space isn't working out for the. Shame i can't move them anywhere’

You eyebrows knitted with confusion at the text as you watched the typing bubbles anxiously. And that's when the pictures came through. Gasping, you clasped your hand over your mouth as pictures of your hybrids in pain flooded your screen.

One of jimin bawling his eyes out. One of jin with a black eye, Namjoon with bruises all over his legs, Jungkook with a small cut across his cheek.

You couldn't bear to look.

“What? What's wrong?!” Hyuna asked worriedly. Handing her the phone you sat yourself down trying not to cry. This woman you had trusted with the most precious people in your life had presented this outcome...and tried to blame it on them.

“Look at what they did to each other? Does she think I'm dumb? That bitch did this to them AND IS WHAT? TRYING TO TRICK ME? DOES SHE ACTUALLY THINK IM STUPID”

Before hyuna could say anything your phone received another text message. Your face dropped and your eyes narrowed. Flashing back to her home you realised what was going on.

“Let me guess...she wants some money in order for them to be let go” you sneered. Anger suddenly boiling up within you. That fucking bitch.

“Yep...1 million per hybrid. Look y/n/ I might be a bad friend for suggesting this...i know shes your family member but i seriously have so much dirt on this woman it's ridiculous.” Hyuna sighed, leaning back in her chair.

“Shes broke...shes broke so shes abusing my hybrids to get money out me? She literally could have just asked? Does she think she can actually get away with this?” You scoffed.

“Maybe she does. What do you want to do about it?” Hyuna asked, her tone lower than before.

You paused for a second. Considering your options. The boys were the only real family you had left. And she had the audacity to lay a finger on them for what? some coin. You looked at hyuna whose determined eyes surely matched your one.

“Let's bury the bitch”

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oh-theatre · 5 years ago

Text

You Can't Force A Fairytale (Chapter 4)

Chapter title: Pain Cuts Deep

A/n: HI HELLO!! This sucks lol! no seriously im so sorry that this is so bad!! although some stuff was revealed!! also also..whats up with patton? and remus? And all of them! Aaa !! Anyway i hope you enjoy even though its trash and make sure to leave me comments!

Also yes Im keeping Dolion because then I can have... janus ;)

also if this is confusing i understand, so please tell me and ill try and clear it out!

words: 3516

summary: The group is scattered and needs to make a plan soon.

pairings: Eventual logicality, eventual prinxiety, eventual demus, eventual remile (These might change but for now im love them)

warnings: bow and arrow, violence, injuries, magic, swearing, bruises, scars, blood, fighting, stabbing, pain

Ao3 Link

“Are you alright Patton?” Logan whispers, guiding the horses into a hidden cove of the forest, followed by the rest of the group. The prince swallows, the images couldn't stop running through his mind, staining the memories permanently in his mind. He doesn't understand why it set a quick blaze and a blush to rise in his face. Logan takes his hand, stopping them, his glazed eyes stare curiously.

“Im alright” Patton promises, hopefully the shadows hide away his blush. Logan looks doubtful but nods anyways, the others in tow. Prince Roman helps an unsteady Virgil practically tumble off the horse, a quick shove to a giggling Roman. Prince Remus follows suit with Dolion, though he is much more graceful and regal stepping off the horse. “Follow Logan into the cove, through the hanging leaves.” Patton guides, they follow suit.

“Good luck” Logan gives Patton's hand a gentle squeeze. The prince nods, giving Nork a sweet pat before Logan leads them away. Once the clearing is empty, he takes to the amulet around his neck, his hand enveloping the magical touch.

“As we search for cover in this mossy forest cove, let no one uncover or discover what's hidden in the mangrove” He chants, a sweet spur of magic dances around him, green flecks as they follow his spell. They take a moment to give Patton an entrance, once hes safely inside the dank dwelling they shut the group away from the outside world, protected from magic and tyrants above. He whispers a quick spell watching his hands engulf in safe flames, the light allows him to regroup with the others.

“Is it done?” Logan cautions, Patton nods feeling exhaustion hit him.

The sight was something. The wet stone was not faint of aroma, the moss that encircled the area was refreshing. The horses seemed to enjoy the small yet spacious patches of grass that led out the other side into a hidden pool of water. Remus, regal as always, lied flat on his back snoring away already. The gray stone may present itself as hard yet the prince seemed so cozy. Patton almost wanted to join him.

Logan sat ever so sweet under a shaded area, in the intersection of the cove leading out into the pond. He read his book, a routine while he ran his hands through a sleepy Nork’s mane. The horse sat next to him, almost as if he had forgotten what animal he was and was content to act as a smaller one. Thank god the space let him.

Dolion and Virgil seemed inseparable, they both sat with their feet splashing away in the water, their muddy boots by their side. The pair spoke in hushed whispers, hesitation to trust the characters around them, finding solace in the similarity of their situations. Patton did find his heart tug at him as he watched however, their soft delight at each magical essence this strange world presented was something that never got old and something you just couldn't deny.

Finally Roman, Patton had to admit, the sight was hard to watch. The prince stood against the rock in the corner with a bland look to his face. He watched the prince skip stones across the pond, bored, his crown that typically rested perfectly upon his head now flopped a bit with no sight in mind to fix it. Romans steed, Dracaena, neighed in concern but had no qualms about returning to her important task of chomping away at the grass around her.

“I wonder if she would be more comfortable in her other form?” Patton inquires, catching Romans ear instantly.

“I think the same, I sense she's eager to be on alert in case of danger though” He expresses. Patton nods understanding, though he did miss the vicious, mischievous creature, he understands. “I don't believe we will be staying for long, correct?” Romans body shakes with impatience. His clear want to ride through the open fields with a hunger for victory was clear. Patton could feel the fiery passion that boiled his blood, not that he needed his powers for that. The amulet strung on Romans neck was alight with the amber blaze.

“I'm not sure Ro” He glanced towards the foreigners, their anxieties at bay for now. “There is alot to process and we mustn't put innocents in danger over our own goals” Patton explains, Roman knows he speaks only truths but still his anger was unkempt. “For now though, we are safe and this gives us ample time to come up with a plan...a much needed one” He reminds stringing his arm through Romans. This releases a chuckle from the prince. “Come, for it was not I who led the battle of Sarcane to victory, but you our brave warrior at the front line”

“Well I had assistance” He smiles at the newly appeared dragon that rested upon his shoulder, a quick breath of fire in excitement.

“But of course, much credit to Dracaena” Patton gives the creature a sweet pet, adoring the soft murmur of affection. “Now come before Logan and Remus tear eachother apart”

~~~

“My opinion?” Virgil gasps with a vile sarcasm. “I think you're all insane and i'd like to wake up from this nightmare!” He shouts, ending with a bite and smirk. Should Roman find that defense so pulsing for his heart?

“I do indeed second that” Dolion whispers with a yawn, the cross-legged boy sits sleepily next to Remus. He holds in another sign of his tiredness before settling very lightly onto the prince's shoulder. He hadnt meant to but he simply couldn't keep his focus much longer, and the prince was there. Remus froze of course, terrified to move, he didn't want to wake the boy. And he surely didn't want to call attention to his reddened face.

“Maybe it would be wise for us to rest for the evening,” Patton suggests. Logan huffs shutting his book, the maps and scribbles collected quickly by him. He shakes his head, muttering to himself walking to a secluded corner. “Lo” Patton sighs, he eyes the others asking them to set up the proper conventions for the night before following his quiet friend.

“We dont have time to rest!” He utters, throwing his items away from him, Patton quickly waves his fingers making sure they dont sink into the water. “Thank you” Logan stubbornly acknowledges, watching the prince delticaltyl stack his things next to him. “We must prepare Patton”

“Lo we dont even know what we’re up against” Patton sits beside him, the stars shine through the only opening, reflecting delicately upon the water. “Everything escalated much too quickly” He takes his friends hand, it always eased them both.

“You and I both know that he will be coming soon” Logan reminds, the image of the army marching towards them, led by the figure of whom Logan speaks flashes familiar in Patton's mind.

“Yes but we mustn't allow it to consume our minds as of now” Patton assures “You need rest as much as everyone else, for now we are safe” They hear wild giggles from behind them, turning to see the four enjoying their time. Remus dances kookily around the cover, Roman finishing his meal with delight as he watches Dolion and Virgil quite entertained. “Even in darkness, a light can shine through to guide you” Patton whispers, Logan nods from behind him, he takes the words to heart. “Ill take first night!” Patton announces, receiving no arguments from the group. He goes to stand but feels a tug at his hand.

“Promise me i'll see you in the morning” Logan begs, the soft features catching his eyes. “Come back to me?” He worries, the forest though magical and enchanted was not short of danger. A gentle Patton places his gloved hands on Logan's cheek.

“Always and forever” He swears, Logan nods, the exhaustion now dawning him. “Get some rest Logan, your mind has been at work for much too long”

“Agreed” He yawns, he rolls out his makeshift cloth, a comfy pillow and takes what little warmth he has. Quickly Patton watches him follow into his dreams. The shivering did hurt him just a tad, so when he knew no eyes were watching him, a quick spell he cast.

“On this cold and fateful night, give him warmth, give him light” Patton watches the amber flecks dance before shrouding Logan. He smiles to himself before taking his bow and horse and makes his way to the front.

~~~

“Patton!” He would be lying if he said he hadn't jumped, for the voice, though cheery came at the blackest of moments. Emile and his graciousness fluttered to where the Prince lay sleepily on his horse, trying his hardest to keep awake. Though what protection could he grant with his bow on the floor and his arrows scattered. He was delighted to see the godfather however.

“Emile, your sorcery” He greets, allowing the fairy to fix him up, feeling the boost of energy boil through him. “How did it go?” Patton questions, adjusting his position.

“I was able to clear my own name of crime and reinstate my position but the royal guard is on the hunt just as suspected” He explains. “They're sending out the cavalry”

“Goodness not Remy!” Patton whispers furiously. Emile nods solemnly. “The King is truly going all out...but why?” Patton wonders “What does he know about these foreigners that we mustn't, and what does my needing to get a suitor hold over the kingdom?” His thoughts pour out of him. Emile shrugs as he fiddles with the flowers around him, watching the echinopsis dance around him. He heals the ones that had not been tended with pleasure before summoning a treat for Nork. “We can't stay here then, when morning befalls us we must travel once more” He sighs

“I will do my best to keep you updated, I must go now my dear prince, but I shall visit soon again” Emile promises, an understanding nod from Patton and the godfather disappears in a dazzling shower of light.

Luckily the night went on without any incidents, Patton scoured the area, took Nork for a calming venture before returning to the hideout as the sun came to fruition. He remained outside, reading through one of his many books he had tucked away, Nork allowed him to sit easy while he grazed the small land.

“Good morning” He heard from behind him. Logan emerged from the dangling leaves, a yawn escaping him. “What, might I inquire, are you perusing?” Logan questions, Patton shows him the novel. “Ah very well, I do adore flowers”

“As do I” Patton agrees, he shuts the book marking his page, stuffing it carefully into his sack. Logan observes the area, his eyes admiring every small inkling and detail that surrounded him. Patton extends his hand, a sweet smile. “Care for a morning ride?” He asks, Logans excitement may have begun with his curiosity for the world but it only grew with Patton's proposal. He takes his hand as he had done many times before and allows Patton to hoist him behind him. The simple buzz Patton experiences as he felt Logans respectful hands wrap their way around his waist and his head rest easy on Patton was something he would simply never ever fail to love.

Scratch that… as Logan laughs timidly while they rush through the saplings of the forest, the love that filled his eyes and the mental notes he saw the prince take, the giggle that escaped as water splashed his face

That was something he would never fail to love

Logan..

Logan was something he would never fail to love

~~~

“I swear to god princey if you don't shut up i'm going to tape your mouth shut” Virgil moans, his head falling into his hands. Roman feels taken aback, the shock of such disrespect and yet the almost...excitement from the nickname was something else.

“For such disrespect the kingdom could have your tongue” He retorts, his face hot with anger but almost wanting to engage.

“And yet here you stand with your tongue” Virgil teases, he hears a faint smoky laugh from Dracaena, she slithers away from a silent Roman nestling into his lap. At first hes frightened, but the soft purring spreads a warmth over him. Roman...well despite feeling mocked...enjoyed the gentle view. He takes a place next to Virgil, watching the young teen flip curiously through some of Logan's journals while keeping a steady pet on the dragon.

“What do you think you're doing!” Speaking of the prince, Logan rushes into the room, fuming with shy anger. “Those are my journals! My property!” A scrambled Patton follows him, a look of anticipation for though rare, Logans outbursts were...unpleasant. He quickly snatches them away from Virgil, a glare towards the black haired boy. “Only I and a select few…” He glances towards Patton, did his defenses fall? “Have access! So stop touching others things!” He demands

“And so with Logans anger boiling, and Virgils own fury at storm the two are at odds, will they be able to ban together for a new threat approaching fast?” Remus spouts, Roman takes his side instantly knowing the pain that would come. “I hate it, I hate it” Remus sputters, the sweat fast approaching. Dolion, who while he enjoyed the princes antics found nothing charming as of yet, was intrigued by the sad honesty of the pain. “With that! The group should begin on their way” He barely manages, tears forming as Roman aides him.

“What does-” But Virgil is quickly cut off by the distant sounds of shouts, determination as each beautiful thing in the forest is stomped by power and raging fury. “Oh”

“Nork!” Patton calls, Logan stuffs his books away before allowing Patton to assist him on the horse. “Come now, we haven't much time” He signals to the others. Roman whispers a quick check to his brother, Remus nods. Though pained, he's ready to flee on his own steed. Unsure, Roman calls to Dracaena. She flies away from Virgil before a mist of shrouded light appears and a midnight horse takes her place.

“Coming?” Roman questions, extending his hand to Virgil. The teen rolls his eyes but joins the prince. “Hold on” He warns, and though his own blush denies him, Virgil grips tight to Roman. He watches as Dolion helps Remus to his own horse.

“Estrella” He whispers sweetly, the horse neighs with affection. This fragile moment tugged at Dolion, he missed his own home. New Orleans seemed like such a distant place, Luna, his cat could still be heard purring. “Up up and away” He jokes, Dolion takes the reins, thanking his mother for the horse riding lessons. He doesn't even mind when Remus collapses on his back, the warmth of the prince was...nice.

“On my signal” Patton heeds, and so one by one they gallop through the woods. The horses follow one another, protecting each other from danger and shielding themselves from the public eye. They reach an opening after what seemed like hours, the rope burning on Dolions hands was almost too much to bear. Remus had healed so they switch positions. It seems the sun was setting which set off a yawn in Virgil. He grew more comfortable on Roman, practically hugging him. Not that the prince minded, he enjoyed their journey. And his mind couldn't stop thinking about ...one particular-

“-Moment!” Virgil huffs “Just give me one moment” He slides off Dracaena, clutching his stomach. The group decides to take a rest near the waterfall, Logan leans against a tree and begins reading. Roman makes sure Dracaena is secured before following Virgil to where he sits by the lake.

“Are you alright?” He questions, sitting next to him.

“I feel...sick” He groans, Roman finds his little puffed features adorable. “It just keeps...making noise” He points to his stomach. Roman fiddles with the glass before pulling something from his satchel.

“You haven't eaten have you?” He shakes a small container holding delectable treats. Virgil scrunches his face in realization. “Here” he opens it, pulling out what seems to be a biscuit. Through his own habit he goes to feed Virgil. Virgil takes the first one, before both take a second to come to reality. “Apologies” He rubs the nape of his neck, Virgil laughs watching crumbs fly out. “Habit I guess”

“Fwo wat?” Virgil swallows his food, taking a handkerchief and wiping away the crumbs that had escaped

“Well when I had to meet suitors I had to charm them.” He explains, I suppose the mindless princesses my father found for me enjoyed being treated like a baby” Virgil snorts, Roman would love to hear that sound more. “ Oh but thats just a few of them! Ive met so many amazing ladies of royalty, each so smart and strong” he muses

“And yet here you are...alone” Virgil notes, he wasn't going to lie. Roman was the spitting image of every disney prince. He should have been scooped up by now.

“Heh...I suppose the shoe...just hasn't fit yet” He gulps, the truth of his uncertainty was something he had only ever confessed to Patton. He wasn't even sure! And yet even with his doubts...No Roman. Once all of this has calmed, you will return home, a perfect princess will be ready for you and you may rule.

Better that, than living the torute he watched his brother endure. He takes a peek back at Remus, he sits giggling away with Dolion, the look he gives the foreigner was one he had only seen once before. He did miss Janus, he was a wonderful fencing coach, and always challenged the twins. But no one missed him more than Remus.

Ugh! Roman enough! This is ridiculous. You're being ridiculous. You don't know anything, you've never tried anything.

Ok so maybe he didn't enjoy the entire scene, but...he takes a quick peek at the curious raven haired boy, he enjoyed Virgil.

No Roman...

For the crown

For the kingdom.

He looks to Patton. Follow his example, he tells himself. The prince didn't just have a kingdom on his shoulders, he had the entire land of which they rode across. He had endured more suffering than anyone.

But he laughed away the idea of a suitor, he walked away from it

Roman purses his lips...he did, didn't he?

So why can't you

~~~

“Are you alright?” Logan whispers from his position. Patton coughs coming back from whatever daydream he was engaged in. He tightens his hold on the reins, nodding away his suspicion.

“Yes of course, are you?” He wonders. Logan doubts his answer but shrugs it away.

“I am, I am more than ready to find a resting spot. I simply must show you these new spells, and oh the mus…” He rambles on, Patton listens, he does but suddenly the world goes silent. He looks to Nork but finds scared darkness. He panics trying to find anything familiar until he hears a voice...his own.

Hes watching himself, he watches the scene that had been haunting his mind for days unfold once more.

“No stop” He tries to call out, but the fearful hoarse cry was nothing. His eyes follow as Future Patton races through the castle, fighting his way. He knows what's coming, he doesn't want to see it. Not again, not anymore… “Stop!” he cries, nothing changes, his future self continues on his path. Tears swell in his eyes as he tries to avoid seeing the tender moment but he can't peel away. He gasps in pain relief, preparing to return to his body.

“What a sad sight” He peeks through his tightly closed eyes. What's this? He doesn't remember this. The King had not spoken before. But now he spoke and moved. “He was brave, tougher than I thought” The King expresses, Patton watches himself keep a protective hold on the frozen Logan. “But he just wasn't strong enough”

Logan's figure collapses, Patton wastes no time kneeling beside him. Patton watches himself and Logan share a hush conversation, but his eyes quickly glance towards the towering figure. The King moves silently as he takes his sword. Fear quickly engulfed Patton. The prince wanted to cry out, scream, do anything, but all he could do was watch.

And listen to the ear piercing scream as the sword slashed its way into Logan. It became too much, The Kings dastardly laugh, Pattons desperate sobs, and the fades of Logans demise. Too much ...too much. Patton clutched his head before the world went black and he felt himself hit a grassy meadow. His eyes fluttered only to catch Logan jump off of Nork and rush to his side. He heard mumblings and worries but soon he lost all senses and fell into a deep sleep.

But not a pleasant one.

Not with the images flashing their way through his head.

He had to change it, he had to.

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