#and i was pushed to leave hermit mode recently

[votederpycausemufins]

when did I last update this fic? ...how many months ago?! well then! let's fix that!

another chapter of Surprisingly familiar (the sequel to summoning family)

tagging @helleborusangel because of their rambles (it make me go :3) and then @petrichormeraki for making the hermit tommy au

Vee_WL joined the world

Everyone was suddenly on high alert as there was a message of someone new joining the world. After Grian having disappeared, the reveal of Kokatori’s true self and the group leaving for hels, no one was really ready to greet them with open arms. Bdubs was the first to get into attack mode, tearing his shirt off and getting his knives ready. Hoodie followed suit, pulling out a book of spells. Then after him was Jrum, who pulled out a sword and his shears, which clattered to the ground as he was attacked from behind.

“You! What’s your name how old are you are you a robot are you my pair or Astrid’s how’s your training going is Grian a fun teacher are- Eep!” Once Jrum processed what was going on, he shoved who had attacked him off of him, surprised to come face to face with some kid that looked around Grum’s age. Technical age.

“What? Who are you supposed to be?” Jrum asked, noticing people were ready to attack, but weren’t with the person so close to him.”

“I’m Vee! Dad said you and I are a pair! Or probably a pair. You might be Astrid’s pair, but she’s gone to visit her girlfriend. But you definitely look like you’re in training age!”

“Training age for what?” Someone - Tango - asked.

“Watcher training! Wait do you know what Watchers are? Like really know or do you just know about them but not the right stuff and-“

“Now hold on a second there.” Joe spoke up. “You’re goin’ a bit fast for us to all keep up. We’ve had some troubles here recently, so everyone’s a bit on edge. Mind explaining slowly who you are and why you’re here?”

“Yes sir Mr. Herobrine sir!” The kid said with a salute. “My name is Vee! Listener in training. I just reached my one year mark in training under my dad! A friend of his told him of some Watchers in training being located in this world and my dad allowed me to visit!”

“You’re a Listener?” Bdubs asked, gripping his knives a bit tighter.

“In training, but yes!” Vee answered with a smile. “Oh, if you don’t know what that is, it’s like the opposite or mirror or something to Watchers. So much so that Watchers and Listeners are linked to each other. So like my Dad is linked with Grian since they both joined around or at the same time and so the same thing happened with my and Astrid and this person here!” And Vee grabbed Jrum by the shoulders. “By the way what’s your name?”

“I’m not telling you!” Jrum answered, finally escaping from Vee and hiding behind Joe, him being the closest hermit. “You just showed up unannounced into a very very hard to get to place! I’m not trusting you!”

“Oh… I guess that makes sense. Sorry.” Vee replied, sounding sad. “Dad just said you would be here, a-and I got excited. I guess too excited.”

“Giving them the slight benefit of the doubt.” Hoodie spoke up, causing most people to look at him. “They have yet to attack even though they’ve had plenty in terms of chances too, especially with our defensive display.”

“Defen what?” Vee asked, looking around. “Uh, does that have something to do with taking clothes off?”

“Bdubs put your shirt back on.”

.

.

.

“So your m-mom lives all the w-way out here?” Grian asked, huddling up more in the coat Flora had handed him. “I thought you s-said she was a f-fish hybrid.”

“Not exactly.” Flora replied, pushing a branch out of the way that nearly whacked Grian when she let go of it. “She’s a type of merfolk, which yeah, is considered a fish hybrid, but she’s still warm blooded enough to live out here.”

“R-right.” Grian said, sort of understanding what was said. Then he tripped over something in the snow, falling face first into the white powder. “F-fuck this is c-cold.”

Flora helped Grian back up which also freed a cat out from under him. As soon as it was freed, it shook the extra snow from its fur and ran off in the direction Grian and Flora were heading. ���W-was that a cat?”

“Yeah, probably one of Euro’s. He’s my uncle, so essentially your brother, but future. He’s got like twenty therapy cats to keep him from exploding whenever. It mostly helps, but still be careful.” Then Flora squinted, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand. “Especially because it looks like he and Grandma’s have some friends over.”

Grian followed Flora’s line of sight to a cottage up ahead. Around a campfire were four people. In one chair, surrounded by cats, was a creeper hybrid. Next to them was a lady dressed in purples that reminded Grian of what little he could recall of his mom.

The other pair of people around the fire were less familiar, one of them also probably female with electric blue hair in a ponytail, sitting next to someone that Grian’s mind was having a hard time processing, their face being split half and half, one side being a dark teal color and the other being a powdery pink. “Who are all of those?”

“Right, time travel shit. Far left is Euro covered with cats. Nex to him is Grandma, or I guess your mom. Next to her is Ekke, and to her left is Silski.”

“Are they a hybrid?” Grian asked, focused mainly on Silski.

“Him? Yeah. Sculk hybrid. He doesn’t get along with you, er, future you. Mainly because he doesn’t like Sense.” And as soon as Flora had said that, she and Grian had gotten close enough to be noticed by Silski, who looked over to them and got out of his chair, growling. “Ah fuck.”

“Flora? What are you doing out here?” Ekke asked, though the only response Flora gave her was flipping her off.

“It’s Fleur to you bitches! And I’m here to see my mom!” Flora complained, no longer being careful and just stomping over to the group, hissing coming from the cats in Euro’s lap.

“And the Ender fucker is here why?” Silski asked, making the others look at Grian. He didn’t know what it meant, but obviously it seemed to be something bad.

“Long story involving time shit. He shouldn’t smell to you.”

“No, he reeks of ender.” Silski replied. “Bring him any closer and you’ll be responsible for whatever happens.”

“You wouldn’t do anything if my girlfriend were here.” Flora spoke, arms crossed, ignoring as Grian tried to pull her away. “Just because you’re racist doesn’t mean you can kill whoever you want.”

Before Silski could say anything more, there was a different type of hissing that got everyone’s attention. “C-can you pl-please leave her b-be. I d-don’t want to lose a-any c-cats.”

“…Fine.” Silski relented after a few moments, sitting back down. Flora took Grian’s hand and pulled him along, flipping the sculk hybrid off with her other hand as they raced by.

“Fucking finally. Now let’s find my mom.”

.

.

.

Grum banged against the bedrock trapping him and Techno while Techno pulled out enough materials to craft a stone axe. It wasn’t the best weapon, but right now it was all they had. “Any chance you know how to break through that stuff?”

“Um, I think Eyes can.” Grum answered. “But I don’t really know how to make that work. Right now it all feels really jumbled because of stuff going on.”

“I know the feeling. Chat’s all over the place right now. My guess is they don’t do well in this hels place.”

“That might be it. It might also-” And Grum was cut off as a blade made of obsidian pierced the bedrock, nearly missing Techno. Grum then pulled Techno down before the sword was pulled out and came again, slashing through the bedrock completely and cutting the top of their prison off. Before another attack, the pair both pushed against the bedrock and climbed out, Techno noticing movement and throwing his axe at whatever it was, assuming it was their attacker.

There was a screech as the axe hit its target and Techno hazarded a glance to see their foe before he quickly turned back and picked Grum up, running faster, but also turning so they were now running around their enemy.

With Grum no longer focused on running, he was able to look at the area around them. Techno was currently running towards Mumbo and Wilbur, who Grum was happy to see again. At the edge of a forest, he could see Xisuma and EX just exiting it. But then Grum focused on who the enemy was.

He was in the air, multiple wings keeping him aloft, each pair a different color. Purple like portal magic, black like obsidian, and finally the gray mix of bedrock. His face had just as many pairs of eyes, but more made of magic seemed to float around him. In one hand he was holding a sword made of obsidian, and the other had purple magic coating it, seemingly ready to attack with magic. Though Grum didn’t want it to be, there was no doubt that that had to be his dad.

He was shocked slightly out of his thinking by his daddy calling out his name, Grian looking between Mumbo and Grum for a moment before using the prepared magic to launch some sort of fireball at Grum and Techno.

Techno tried to move out of the way, but Grum knew he couldn’t go fast enough. Then a cowboy came out of nowhere and was thrown into the attack. “Oi! Where the fuck have you all been?!”

Looking towards the voice, Tommy and Paul were arriving, Tommy slowing down to stay away from the fight while Paul continued further, shooting a crossbow at Grian. “What the heck did you just throw at him?”

After Techno spoke, Grian turned towards Paul, slashing at him. “Someone who attacked us. Tommy called them Puffy?”

“Except she’s a fucking cowboy for some reason!” Tommy continued to explain. “I guess that’s Hels for you.”

“That… that doesn’t make sense.” EX was the one to speak, him and Xisuma reaching everyone just as they all grouped up sans Paul who was still fighting, and then Techno as he set Grum down to go help. “I mean, maybe that works? But I don’t see how you go from pirate to cowboy.”

“I think it makes sense.” Mumbo spoke up. “Both sort of oldtimey roles, one land one sea. Plus some other stuff.”

“Well I don’t think it matters, because it definitely looks like all that fighting knocked her out and now we’re just worried about evil Grian!” Wilbur commented, sounding very happy until he was elbowed by Xannes. “Oh, do you need something?”

“We’re all about to die. Only person I’ll let be that chipper when we’re going to die isn’t here right now, so you can can it.”

They couldn’t argue more when there was some sort of shrieking, making everyone cover their ears before some sort of mutant enderman appeared, two people clinging to its back from swords embedded in it. “Sorry if we’re late to the party dudes.”

“Mate how the fuck do we get off this thing!”

“Phil! Doc!” Tommy exclaimed. “And you can fucking fly!”

“Oh right.” Phil said before pulling his sword out and flying away, leaving Doc to yank out his own and fall to the ground. “This Ranboo is a fucking nightmare!”

“This what?” EX asked, Xisuma behind him using a shield to defend against a stray attack from the battler behind them all. “That’s obviously something random Grian summoned in.”

“Nah it ain’t mate. It’s got the same split that Ranboo has, though it’s obvious both halves are Enderman now.”

“But that’s impossible.” EX said, looking back at the supposed Hels copy.

“Why is it impossible? Is it from him being a mutant?” Mumbo spoke up. “I thought Hels was all more dangerous stuff?”

“Not always. It- wait, said that again.” EX said, making everyone look at him, his tone making it clear he realized something.

“Why is it impossible?” Mumbo repeated. “I thought Hels was more dangerous?”

“And you thought cowboys and pirates… this is all your fault!”

“It’s what?”

“Hey can all of you stop arguing and help Paul and I out here!”

“Theseus said there was something instead of a whitelist. Some sort of test or trap or whatever. I’m guessing this is it.”

“I’m pretty sure I nearly fucking died back there.” Tommy piped up, though was quickly shushed.

“That’s why none of this makes sense! You’re the one who things cowboys and pirates go together! You’re the one who thought there could be an ender Hels! You’re the one who thinks a Watcher could have this kind of power in Hels in the first place. All of this is wrong because it’s not real!”

And just like that, it all started to crumble apart. Everything started fading away except for the group who was supposed to be there. Somehow Techno and Paul made their way back to the group, ready to face what was going to really be there. Everyone was focused on the disappearing world. Everyone that is, except for Mumbo, who saw one thing that wasn’t disappearing. Someone who had been following Xisuma and his brother. Their mask stared back at Mumbo, showing no emotions but the frown on its face. And then just as everything reappeared, they were gone.

[capricores]

MERCURY RX / tarot predictions

astrology predictions coming soon! these are meant to apply to your dominant signs, sun, moon & ascendant especially. 

twitter for tarot/astro 🤍 tip jar

fixed signs (scorpio, taurus, leo, aquarius)

you guys are feeling ROUGH right now, aren’t you? when i did this reading i kept hearing "why me? will anything good ever happen for me? am i supposed to be sad/suffer forever?" (i don’t often hear things when i do readings but i felt this being yelled into my ear..in the most painfully exasperated voice i have ever heard). a lot of you are going through, or are about to go through, what is called a “tower” moment. if you’re not familiar with tarot, the tower card represents an ending, usually. it can represent sudden chaos, a falling apart, and similar things in the life; internally or externally. but these tower moments tend to bring through new beginnings and important lessons, so please don’t take this with fear. know something better is coming.

you all feel like the entire world is against you in this moment. nothing seems to be going in your favor, you feel like you try so hard with minimal reward that there’s just no point anymore. i’m here to tell you there IS a point; you do have so much purpose in this life and you will do great things. i'm also seeing a lot of you are reliving family/childhood trauma, possibly trying to heal from it or it just won't leave your mind lately. some of you may even currently be having issues with your family & feel very defensive and trapped. isolated and/or disconnected from the people who are supposed to understand.

queen of wands & temperance energy is coming for you during this mercury rx too! you're being divinely guided; and encouraged to pursue creative projects. you're being pushed hard to heal during this rx period, it's really a strong time of reflection for you all. no more pushing people away or unhealthy periods of social isolation. i'm getting youthful energy, excitement, finding joy in the small things again after this tower moment. but it's so vital that you focus on caring for your inner child right now. i'm also being told you need to face your fears, your past, your pain; and heal. you must work through this. you cannot keep repressing your emotions and problems and thoughts and hoping they will just go away; they will not. they must be confronted; fears must be confronted. i specifically pulled “recovery”, “within the next few months” and “helpful people” from my angel answers oracle. 

also, i got a few cards and some energy surrounding manipulation. protect your energy this mercury retrograde and make sure you and your energy aren’t being taken for granted or pushed around.

key words for mercury rx, fixed signs: facing fears, significant change/tower moment, care for your inner child, healing & recovery, focus on creativity, work on healing [especially family/childhood-related traumas]; be wary of manipulation.

other oracle messages: “new moon in scorpio: work through your fears, waxing moon: the energy is gaining momentum, north node: step out of your comfort zone, you got the love: boundaries, codependency"

cardinal signs (aries, libra, capricorn, cancer)

your reading got a lot of mixed energy. the first thing that stood out to me, was much like fixed signs, a feeling of defeat. i think you may have, or are about to, go through something (likely something *small*, that feels very big) - possibly a rejection; that feels heavy. it’s left you feeling very upset and kind of “over” everything. i’m hearing right now a lot of you lack focus, energy, drive. you’re giving in to self-sabotaging behaviors, i think in multiple areas of life. the majority of you i believe are sabotaging friendships, relationships and possibly also your career/passions right now. i heard “hey, we gotta get our shit together and stop slacking”.

this reading was FULL of cups; which often represents emotional and relationship related things (in my experience). i’m hearing a lot about broken communication between loved ones, connections being damaged, ties being severed, etc. if you’re cutting connections for good, keep going! but please cardinals be careful of sabotaging your positive, healthy connections during these stressful times. i know you want to isolate and take everything on your own, but you’re being urged to reach out. connecting with others will bring you more comfort than you realize. you need to stop taking the weight of the world on your shoulders alone. there are people out there who want to help you carry these burdens, and opening up and being vulnerable with others is not a weakness, it is a strength. it is a strength that you must learn to master soon.

another big thing for cardinals right now to focus on is finding balance. the energy right now is rough, and it’s okay to take and need breaks. recharge as you need. but again, make sure you aren’t shutting everyone out and blocking your own opportunities for growth and change. you’re coming to the end of a cycle right now, from what i’m gathering. it’s been a tough cycle, but the next one will be easier if you carry forth these lessons you’ve learned.

i did also get some HARDCORE new love energy in this reading, cardinals! it was yelling at me. i think a few of you are about to connect with someone on a deeper level, it seems romantic but it could possibly be a new close friend coming in as well; regardless it will be someone who holds a lot of pure love for you. it seems to be a new person; not someone you already know (or someone who is relatively new in your life still/you aren’t close yet). you’re beginning new cycles in your relationships; for the better; “it’s up to you” and “in the near future” are the timing cards i pulled. i think this is yet another push for cardinals to get out of isolation mode and start reaching out again.

key words for mercury rx, cardinal signs: adjustments, emotional fulfillment, putting yourself out there, new love/connections, facing fears, reaching out, vulnerability, balance

other oracle messages: “new moon: a new start is coming!, third quarter moon: adjustments are required, new moon in scorpio: work through your fears, you’re not alone: isolation, physical connection, community”

mutable signs (gemini, sagittarius, virgo, pisces)

mutables, what happened! this reading was a rough one for you as well. i’m seeing a tower moment has caused a lot of you to go into serious self-reflection mode. you seem to be taking it so well, though. you’re using your resilience to turn these harsh moments as ways to learn, grow and become a better you. and i’m so proud of you for that! you’re not giving yourselves enough credit and praise for the things you’ve accomplished and been through. be careful this self-reflection period does not turn into pushing people away and absolute isolation, however. 

i’m also seeing some of you may have recently gone through a very intense heartbreak that’s left you absolutely crushed and defeated in terms of love. you just want to go into hermit mode and be by yourself for a while. that’s okay! take the time to yourself that you need; but again remember above about not going into full isolation for too long. i also want you all to be wary of impulsiveness, recklessness, as well as manipulation (but specifically, manipulation on your end). these words came up a few times in your reading.

i see a lot of you are in a period of immense indecision, it actually seems to be so serious a lot of you are crying over this decision? i’m not sure about what but i’m seeing it’s likely relating to your future (mainly school or career is what i’m getting). some of you might be feeling like your dreams and aspirations have been crushed, you feel very defeated. you have no idea who you are or what you want anymore. you’re starting to doubt yourself and anything you’ve planned for your future. you feel as if nothing in your life is right for you anymore and it’s causing you great amounts of stress. i’m getting the image of someone pacing around in their room anxiously, tons of tabs open about different programs/schools, job options, etc on their laptop while they do so. 

i know everything is hard and frustrating right now, but the energy i got for the future/as mercury rx closes was so bright and promising! i heard confidence, determination, personal growth, closing out a cycle. as you go through these difficult periods of self reflection, you’re going to emerge with this newfound leader energy; you’re going to be ready to take on whatever you end up deciding on, and you WILL be successful if you stay strong and keep pushing for what you desire. there is so much passion in your reading, you really are on the brink of a breakthrough in terms of what you want to pursue and what you truly desire. i think most of you already know; you’re just being held back by fear. angel oracle gave the messages of “trust” and opportunity”; trust yourself and have faith in your won decisions. you got this, mutables.

key words for mercury rx, mutable signs: indecision, self-reflection, planning, life purpose, strength, resilience, manipulation, confusion, impulse, significant change/tower moment

other oracle messages: “full moon in sagittarius: look at the bigger picture, full moon in capricorn: the end of a tough cycle approaches, cardinal moon: be bold and make the first move, you got the love: boundaries. codependency” 

if this resonated, please let me know! reblogs/likes, likes/retweets on twitter and tips are always so appreciated 🤍

[theholistichedonist]

Soul Fragmentation and Inner Child Work

“we are the most important project we will ever work on”

(affirmations at end)

a question that i continuously ask myself recently, always, 

Who am I?

constant conformity has me begging for the unusual, unique, and unregulated views i possess.

too much of one thing is never a good thing

where am i? 

how can i find myself? 

questions i have and answers i had found myself looking for externally

through peers, parents, and past

i wasn’t finding the answers, it ultimately lead myself into hermit mode, recluse status

i found myself in bed most of the day, not patient enough to close my eyes and actually dig for my answers yet, but a knowing of something

spinning my wheels with all the projects i was fucking forcing to the bitter end, i burnt out

this Gemini was hiding in a basement with the blinds closed binging on Gaia and praying for a miracle.

All these fucking emotions,

what the fuck, i’m feeling!

the great purge had begun

it felt so weird to turn my brain off ‘go mode’ and feel into my body

the repressed emotions, horrible parenting (w/ no fault to my parents), and what are coping skills?

i started RE-PARENTING myself

the little baby HH that was crying and scared in the corner from neglect, lack and abuse. 

i would visit her and hold her. i would care for her and kiss her wounds. it was the most powerful thing i had ever experienced before.

i had shut my past out and tried to lie and hide my past for years. i had blocked my little girl me completely out of my life and it was me who ultimately needed me

i cried for a week straight like a little baby, couldn't leave the house because i was either anxious AF or in fear I’d be at the cashier and she would trigger me in some way and i’d start crying lol

i looked at myself and was like wtf who is this?

OH RIGHT it’s me lol

begging for attention, my baby inside was like feed me!! She hid in the corner, cowering away from me because i had neglected her for so long, ignoring her pleas and emotions

so i gave myself my full, undivided attention

i would feel these emotions, sitting with them and healing the parts of me that had been closed off and fragmented from my human self for protection of being lost forever

all these visions and pictures of how horrible i had grown up (truly because I felt misunderstood and had my own path to forge), bullying, rejection of myself and from others, constant people pleasing with a resentment behind it, all the anger i had pent up inside of me so much fucking rage just ready to explode,  i would see how lonely i was and how horrible i had truly felt all my life up to this point just flash before my eyes

i lacked love, from and for myself

i forgot to consider my own needs

i neglected the emotions that pair with experiences to give us the answers we crave

in hindsight, with no fault of my own - to blame will not help us heal

we all choose our ‘Sacred Contracts’ before birth in the 3D

how would i ever get to know myself with so much judgement and resentment behind my motives?

simple,

Open you heart space to the highest frequency of All That Is

removing the filter of the EGO and relishing in the presence of your soul

where this is no judgement, no pain or suffering

it just is, all that is, Love, Compassion, Understanding, Gratitude

i had came to realizations that helped me dig, search and heal my fragmented pieces of my soul and welcoming them back with love and ACCEPTANCE

and ultimately opening myself up to the Divine Abundance and Greatness that this Universe naturally exudes and amplifies with the help of us

that’s why we’re here y’know, to help and heal, to give and receive, w/ no one more worthy or deserving than the other. Equal, but with different paths!

remember this: I am worthy of all my desires just because I am alive

Abundance is our birth right,

it is the programming that has been layered on top of our soul and mind that blocks that abundance from coming to us

whether it be a belief of unworthiness, hidden anger towards a situation or person, having to suffer to receive was a big one for me, that life was meant to be hard and difficult

all these beliefs are fucking lies that we tell ourselves or have been told, and these are just some of the beliefs some of us carry with us

not to scare you or overwhelm you this is more to help you open your mind and see where your programming effects you - we have 1000′s of faulty beliefs and 95% of them didn’t come from us they we’re imprinted from other people, situations or institutions

and they can be released without having to search endlessly for them

and that’s where Theta Healing came into my life,

i realize i haven’t explained to those who may not know what Theta Healing is and i will do just that:

Theta Healing is meditating in your Theta brain wave state that through healing will bring you closer to your Higher Self/Soul/Creator with physical, psychological and spiritual healing of programs and beliefs that are holding us hostage in our subconscious mind.

we become our true selves.

it’s the purge or societal views, back home to your soul and higher self

here i thought everyone else was the problem, and now i’m like ooooohhhh right it’shmeeee

to make a short story long:

I have been working with R for 4 months now and my life has made a complete 180 and lead my to find my purpose with helping heal the collective and grow into a higher and expanded consciousness of awareness.

from drug abuse, alcoholism, self loathing, pushing forcing and swimming upstream for most of my life, lost ad confused, looking for a cliff, and this aching need to figure shit out

to now where i am still resting, breathing, smiling, feeling, and releasing 

in complete serenity and tranquility, most days lol

but the point being is that now i know how to process these emotions, and i’m learning about WHO I AM, dissolving the EGO and seeing the full picture, myself

why am i feeling this way?

is this good or bad, and is this a belief that is worthy of releasing (if bad always yes lol) release that shit, you’re too good to be carrying a backpack of crap lol put the damn shit down

and here I am, still not sure who the fuck i am but i have a way better idea of it today than i did a few years ago and i really do thank Theta Healing for my growth, it’s been life changing and I’m so excited and blessed to be here sharing this with you, definitely something that used to be miles away from my comfort zone

releasing the belief that it is unfair, unsafe and ung-dly to be seen and to put myself out there. 

replacing with:

i give myself permission to share love, wisdom and confidence with those who need it because i am worthy and deserving of being seen and receiving recognition for my efforts

legit if you want to know more about Theta hit me up lol it’s fucking mind blowing

some affirmations for you beautiful souls:

I am open to the abundance and greatness the Universe offers

I am divine

I see and feel the support I have from Source

I am a divine goddess worthy of all that I desire

I am worthy of love and appreciation - because i have found that love of yourself is what brings in abundance on all levels (including money) 

My voice matters

My feelings matter

My opinions are important

I let go of my past insecurities and focus completely on feeling confident, secure and independent

Love, Peace, and Joy are what I know

i choose to live through the open space in my heart . I look for love and find it everywhere

My mind is cleansed and free. I leave the past and move into the new. All is well.

There is a joyous release of the past. Life is sweet and so am I

All Healing and health is flowing to me now

I am always safe and protected

I am confident in my full recovery

I am learning what my body needs to be in a perfect state of health

It’s my time to heal

I deserve great health, wealth and abundance

I trust myself

I have the courage and strength to enjoy my life, no matter what comes

I let go of perfectionism and thoroughly enjoy myself here and now

I free myself from the past and take actions that reflect my life purpose

I am supported by life

I awaken the self healing power within me

I show my strength through releasing all beliefs that no longer serve me.

thank you thank you thank you 

and so it is

love you,

HH

[the-energon-hole]

HC - the kids (Raf, Miko, Jack) finding their 'Bot Partners - who dissapead from a busy battle - just to see that they hid away with their 'Con 'Nemesis' to rather have some fun than fight...

((A/N So let me say, in no uncertain words-

I WILL NEVER WRITE NSFW THAT INVOLVES CHILDREN-EVER.

Don’t ask me to.

I will write “kids ask about birds n’ Bees and Bots don’t know how to handle it”, or “Kids catch Bots smooching”- cute things, but never kids interacting/seeing/engaging with any NSFW scenario.

I also thought this was a little too OOC for them to leave a battle where their friends could potentially die just to have some “fun” so I tweaked this ask a little.

I changed this- it is now about the bots running into an old enemy who is unsure of the Decepticon’s intentions and decides after being hurt and discovered by the bot and their partner that maybe this was the wake up call they needed to see the light and change their alliances in order to be happy and fight to end this conflict for good.

I am also a little upset at how long it ended up being, so sorry for that- I though halfway through this would be better as a drabble and not a headcanon but it was to late to redo it at that point. Also sorry for hostility, I’m a little tired from trying to get my foot in the door at a new job opportunity.))

Bumblebee

-You were an Archivist for the Decepticon forces, a history and bookkeeper to write about the glory and wonder of the reign of the great and powerful Megatron, while also making sure you keep track of every and any possession aboard The Nemesis ship. You enjoyed your job, and since you were so good at it, Megatron has given you safety and shelter since the war first began as you never went hungry and you never went without medical care- you were young as well, so he might have also felt a little bad for you in the time he took you in and gave you important work to do. He wasn’t always the hardcore tyrant that everyone knows him to be today, he used to be a courageous and sympathetic leader that was seeking to represent the underprivileged and those abused and take advantage of by the political systems, but all that power has gone to his head in the most recent years and he has become the hardcore and unforgiving bot you all know today. This was why you continued to stay and stand by his side, he saved your life once, and you owed it to him to continue to do his work until it comes to pass he is no longer around for you to have to keep records for. You loved spending time with Bumblebee, but you had a sense of duty and purpose with the Decepticons that you were programmed to follow through with, as it is not in you to just stop working and you cannot just leave halfway through a job and abandon those who rely on you to keep everything organized- even if you are known for being the kind to be peddling and  pushing propaganda on behalf of Megatron, you believed you were doing the right thing for all of those Cybertronians who knew the system was messed up and against them. A little fudging of the truth never hurt anyone anyways, except for maybe the Autobots and their misguided cause to keep corruption in power, but they have their place in history just like everyone else. Even if the Decepticons lose, nothing on Cybertron will ever be the same, and in the end that was the whole goal of the Decepticons to begin with- so you are and will be proud of the time you have served with them.

-You and Bee have been a thing for a long time, you were even friends since before the uprising in the youth sectors back in Kaon happened, but this war has torn and separated you just as it has everyone else who has had a loved one in the past. You personally blame the council for this war, not Megatron, but Bee insists you come wo stay with him and the others with the Autobots despite your unwavering views and loyalties. He has always been a sweet optimist little mech, someone who is friendly and fun to be around when one needed comfort and companionship, but you were a realist and you knew that they did not have the resources or the manpower to win against the Decepticons any longer and have been faltering even since before Cybertron had fallen. Even if they did win, you will stand by your views and ideals on how the political system functions and operates, you will not let the council come to power again so long as you were still standing and functioning. Once this is over you will advocate for him should the decepticons win however, you owed him that much, but he just doesn’t get your stance politically and isn’t as aware of what was really going on around him at the time. You can’t blame him, he hasn’t read or had access to the records like you have and he hasn’t seen the abuse and manipulation that went on right under everyone’s face plates, but you were grateful you have someone on the other side to vouch for you as well should that time comes to pass. You genuinely loved him- but war has a funny way of keeping you friends and families apart, you just hope that when this is all over he can forgive you for your transgressions against the few you have had to betray and hurt to get what you needed for the rebellious cause. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, even if the few happens to be the love of your life serving under the wrong master. It was your secret with too maybe one day just run away and forget this whole political turmoil and just set up roots somewhere on some small planet rich in energon and live out your days as an old hermit with no one but Bumblebee by your side to forever love and comfort you, but that was selfish- and to much is going on for you to be having such illogical and useless fantasies when you could be busy rallying and working for the masses to gain sympathy to the troops that seem to be falling at an alarming rate to the autobots.

-You were the farthest thing from a warrior Megatron had, yet he tries to drag you to every confrontation with the Autobots- as a way to garner sympathy from the Autobots probably, that’s how you ended up like this as you crawled to the safety of cover behind a rock while clutching at your wounds to try and stop the energon from flowing out to quickly. A fire fight had gone wrong unsurprisingly, and you noticed no one was really  aiming to hit you, but blasters have a bad problem with richotte ammo so it were just unlucky timing that you were stuck in the abdomen by a stray blast. You were just lying in wait for the explosions to stop and the commotions to cease so you may signal an sos to The Nemesis to come pick you up, and you weren’t expecting Bumblebee to come and comfort you while you hid from the battle. He shushed you as he held you close trying to stop you from leaking out too badly and you couldn’t help but smile at his misguided affections- you asked if he was going to be missed in the battle as his team needed him to win against yours, he said no and stayed by your side for such a long time, but you couldn’t really tell as it seems your chronometer must have been off as your processor began to feel cloudy and hazy. You were losing consciousness fast as your frame attempted to protect and keep major functioning internal systems online to keep your spark from being snuffed out prematurely. You hear a tiny gasp as you turn your head to look behind you to see three young humans watching Bee dote on you as you try to keep conscious for as long as possible- looks like the sabercat is out of the bag now, there is no way those humans can keep a secret from their Autobot saviors, and there was no way they would leave you behind to be picked up by the Decepticons lafer. Well- the autobots were not the type to use you as a bargaining chip against Megatron, and you figured Bumblebee wouldn’t let them- but they won’t just let you go running back to Megatron either. A prisoner or war wasn’t an outcome you were expecting to have, but at least you will have good company to keep while you awaited for this time to pass, and when you can just run away and disappear on some planet and wait for Bee to join you with open arms and a warm smile. You could hear the a particular child screaming in your audio receptors before dropping into forced sleep mode- it was something about how Bee lied and how he is going to have a lot to explain when they made it back safely to the base.

Arcee

-You were apart of one of the underprivileged castes on Cybertron as you were left with the wonderful duty of energon mining and processing- a job only given to vehicons who don’t even have a spark, and that was just how the rest of the world saw you. A useless waste of a frame that was lucky enough to even be blessed with a spark to begin with, and as they always told you that you should be grateful for even having work ands to stop being so lazy you felt empty on the inside- you’ve heard it all from “you are ungrateful” to “be happy you even exist you waste of space” and you are still underwhelmed about it those words to this day. Aligning yourself with Megatron just made sense at the time, and if you were loyal to him you were granted a great deal of power and respect, so you worked hard to claw your way to the upper ranks of his court and gain his favor. You were one of the top warriors at the time you met the lovely Arcee, to say you were taken aback by her beauty was an understatement, as it was almost enough to distract you from their transgressions against you. Almost. You managed to capture her and a few other Autobot strike team members who tried to storm a weak point in your border security that spanned across Kaon’s territory lines. You were interrogating the prisoners one by one to try and collect all the intelligence they had, and once you got to the little spitfire of a femme, well she was just as tight lipped as all the others. You asked her why such a pretty thing would fight for the tyrannical injustice that the Autobot’s represented, she argued back how could someone as talented and attractive work for the slaughterhouse that is the Decepticons. She had you there, truth the Decepticons ways of dealing with things were a bit harsh, but it did get the job done in the end. You remember an explosion rung out in your base at that point, and in one act of kindness that ignited a lifelong friendship, you let Arcee and a few of her soldiers go as you tried to figure out who the rat in your ranks were- spies were worse than Autobot foot soldiers, and they won’t get away with infiltrating your ranks. You couldn’t stop thinking about that spunky Arcee though, now there was a femme, she was definitely going places in this world- even if those places are amongst the treacherous Autobots who couldn’t care less about bots like you.

-You found yourself on this floating rock when you obtained a transmission that said there was still Autobots in this quadrant of the universe. You wanted to know how many and what they were up to- you had enough on your plate trying to stop the rise of a new council and stopping some bots from having absolute power over the others. Ever since the influence of Megatron that brought about a bright light on the injustice of the world it’s sad to see a lot of his work has subsided, most bots just want to go back to the way things were, which was why you were here to see if you can work out some kind of deal with the remaining Autobot forces to change minds into creating a more fair political system. You’ve come so far from the clawing and angry soldier you were during the war, and all you wanted was to live in a world that allowed for misfortunate bots like you to be able to choose and forge their own paths in a world that would see you as an equal and not some tool to progress some fake agenda. You have heard rumors that the last Prime might be here as well, as he has not been killed in the war according to public records, but no one has seen him in so many cycles that many lost hope that he will return to lead them. This planet was teeming with organic life, and it was weird seeing so many of them running around, but you took notice that at least most of them can make their own choices- that was pretty cool, for  planet with so many indigenous species civilized life manages to thrive and survive. Civilized life here also seemed to be unfair, but that was their problem to deal with, you can only fight in so many rebellions. You ran into a red car that was all too familiar to you in one of these towns you were exploring trying to see if you could hear word or get transmissions from the Autobots- and when you reunited with the Decepticons you thought were long gone you felt reinvigorated to continue fighting the good fight. Megatron was there, and you pledge your allegiance to him without any waivering fears or regrets, his presence at the colonies will set them all back onto a straight path. He made the decree that once his missions on Earth were complete, he will follow you to the last remaining pockets of resistance and reunite everyone under a new banner of law that allows everyone to choose whatever work they pleased under his regime. That sounded tyrannical, but hey, at least you would be able to choose.

-You and Arcee were reunited when you bumped into her out and about by herself in some small town in the desert, and it was a little awkward, but you both were happy to see each other. There were no hard feelings about the kidnapping thing, in fact, she told you that you helped her see that not all Decepticons were ruthless killers- and that maybe some of you were ok, just misguided. You laughed at that as one thing seemingly led to another and the loneliness that was experienced between the two of you was subsided for a little while- Megatron and The Prime be damned, this was about companionship more than it was about this war. You’ve grown a lot since you were ejected from Cybertron, and Arcee just reminds you that there is more to life than just overtaking your enemies and fighting for your rights to be seen as am equal. You both thought it best to keep your newly budding relationship a secret from the others, as everything was far to sensitive right now to share, besides the privacy makes it a little more thrilling on your twisted mind. Though all that flew out the window when you were hit in the middle of a battle by the big breen bot the Autobots have, as he managed to smack you with his wrecking ball so hard you were flung far away and slammed into the rock walls of the desert. You can feel all the warnings pinging in your processor as you couldn’t find the strength to stand up or move- your cables and sockets refused to bend or waiver as you groaned in pain and you laughed at the irony of the situation as that was some big mech they have and he sure packs a punch. You felt hands on your back and heard worried huffs as it must have been Arcee checking you over for life threatening wounds, to which you tried to brush her off and reminded her this was a battle and they would miss her if she stayed to dote on you that the Autobots will lose this battle. She just told you to shut up and let her do this as she tried to administer small patch fixes to keep the leaks you had at bay- huh, you had no idea she had first aid training. You heard a small voice asking her harshly what was going on- she wrote the small voice off as she pulled you in some direction probably to keep you away from the battle and into a little safety of cover. The little voice revealed itself to you as a small human boy, which you remember Arcee telling you her new “partner” was a human male who made bad decisions. She was right, what kid thinks its a good idea to tag along to see a fire fight between giant alien robots, he was more curious about you than you were of him it seems- and you knew then and there that you were going to be an Autobot captive. Oh, Megatron will be angry about this, he will also blame you for being weak and helpless in the face of danger. He wasn’t the same rebellious leader you remember- he was cold and angry now, so maybe it’s a good thing this happened, it’s an excuse to get away from that psycho and be with Arcee the way you wanted to be. It felt out of character for you to want domestication like this, but with everything going on around you, maybe some slow and steady lifestyle changes can be good for you. Hell, if the Autobots will take you, maybe it was time to fight for your cause on the winning side.

Bulkhead

-You were a small things created for no other purpose than to bring pleasure to the bots that were in castes above you. Your life was alright, you never really dreamed or wanted anything more than what you have, but you were given the opportunity to dream when you were liberated from your caste when the Decepticons begana to grow their rebellion. It was invigorating- all of the sudden you were thrust into a world full of warriors and fighters, and before you even knew it yourself you were fighting the good fight alongside so many others like you who never had the opportunity to dream. You would fight till the end for the family you have come to know in the Decepticons, even if some of them were a little sketchy and strange, but your loyalty didn’t go unnoticed as you were rewarded time and again for doing simple things like keeping your men alive in large fire fights and making sure no bot was left behind when the situation got sticky- the rewards were nice, but it felt good just to have people who actually cared about you and how you felt for once in your life. Over the course of the war though, so many ended up dead or ran away that your numbers were no match for the Autobots anymore- so when you were face to face with a band of Wreckers all of your troops ran and left you to fight for yourself. You did about as well as one would expect, beaten with holes the size of their fists on your frame that were leaking so much that you were going to lose consciousness very soon, but you refused to give up. You held this mech’s wrecking ball at bay as he leaned above you ready to end your life, you don’t know why you said it- but the words that pours out of your mouth made you both stop fighting and feel a shock run through your body. You told him that you were ok with dying, that you finally knew what it was like to feel loved truly for once in your life and not artificially as your job dictated before MEgatron rose you from the ashes of this dying world. You passed out after that and woke up in a Decepticon medical unit, and you found out later that the Mech that decided to spare you was calle Bulkhead- and he was the same as you. Not thinking, not feeling, and not with attachments until the war really began. Maybe you will run into him again, you hope so, maybe you can convince him to fight for his freedom with you alongside Megatron. 

-Long since has passed the war in your eyes, and you were back to being alone, as once everyone who remained fled the planet you had nowhere to go and no real family to call your own. You found yourself being a slave once again on a planet full of organics, only this time, you were a vehicle they used to get to and from different places. Hiding amongst humans who seemed so free and loving, you were jealous of it all, but to survive you had to stay hidden and scrounge for whatever energon you could find once you were able to sneak away and go digging. It wasn’t until you were bought by a small family in this small desert town that you noticed strange transmission in the air- they were Cybertronian and hidden in the white noise of the radio signals, but they were there- but were they an ally or an enemy? You snuck out to for your driveway to investigate, driving into the wee hours of the morning only to almost give up hope, until you drove into view of a battle between a few Vehicons and some Autobots. There was a yellow little scout, a blue and pink warrior femme, and… Bulkhead? Autobots, then, but the Vehicons mean that there are Decepticons nearby- so, you weren’t really alone after all. You waited for the battle to complete until you were finally able to get a grip on the Decepticon signal, to which you raced to find the pinging location until it ceased and was cloaked. The Nemesis was a sight for sore eyes, and you were so close to becoming emotional when you saw Megatron and a few other high ranking officers- you were home and amongst family again.

-This was a fight too similar to the last one, as Vehicons lay scattered around you while other were engaged with other Autobots, you were left to fight the scout. Bumblebeee, that mech was stronger than he seemed, and managed to hit you square in the spark chamber. You fled for cover and hoped no one saw you as another Vehicon stepped in to keep the scout busy with engaged him. Megatron, who was no longer the family you remember and threatened you with death should you return empty handed, was very clear that if the Decepticons couldn’t have this relic than no one else shall. You took aim from your position in cover to blow up whatever it was that this stupid thing was, but you were unable to fire as someone grabbed your arm and lifted you off the ground with ease- that was Bulkhead, the only bot big enough to do that. You struggled, but his grip was to much for you. You wailed that if he didn’t let you complete your mission Megatron would kill you for being weak, and you will be alone again in the cvopid of death. He sighed and sat in your cover next to you while the battle behind raged on, he said in  so few words that his family wasn’t worth being apart of if he was going to just kill you- and you rebutted that he made you understand your worth, and that you were more than just some pretty frame for other to use. He said he learned that lesson too, that he was more than just some big mech that is only good for labor and construction- he wanted you to join them, and before you could answer you heard a loud female voice screaming at the big bot for sitting around when there was a battle to be won. Bulkhead was frustrated as he told this Miko she shouldn’t be here- and you agreed, this battle was no place for a small human girl. It was in that moment that you noticed the bond between this wrecker and his small human, and it was the answer you were seeking. You wouldn’t be alone if you made real connections, so you will fight for the Autobots, fight for a real family that clearly loves one another and will not allow their allies to fall and be killed for failing their missions.

(05/03/18)