#and i was abt to private message another friend abt it just to vent but my brain was like 'what if you tell them you get anxious

[dragontatoes]

:)))))

[raemimuse]

A guy sent me his n@k3d pic on discord?

Wtf is happening?!?! Idk if it's a vent but I feel like I should talk about it or I'll just explode?!

What happened was, i recieved a req on discord and I accepted it cuz, why not?

It was a guy (I came to know abt it later~). So his first message was hii & hru. And then--> can I see you? Wtff you don't even know my name, I don't even know ur name!!? So I said no, he then wanted to vc. I said no again! And then he was like sorry if I am too direct I wanna make friends. Now, Friends is a good thing right. I said, yeah I would not reject being a FRIEND but I said the same thing that I don't even know you and you want a picture~

Then he apologized and told me his name, where he lived and asked mine... Turns out we live in the same country but my country is really vast (I live in India) so there's 0% chance of ever meeting. And that guy talked about studies and I felt like "Thank God he's not that kinda person" cuz once a guy talked about dom/sub thingy and "explore pleasure" wtever 🫨

And then, this guy asks if I wanna see him. I was 0% interested but the guy saw me so in return I should ask him for his pic, which I would not not even open tbh. He sends and asks 'how do I look' so to reply I checked his pic. He was showing his upper body so I thought he's showing off his muscles. I am not comfortable talking abt that cuz his face was barely visible (it was a mirror selfie so..) i replied to some other text and he asks again 'how do I look?' I said the same thing, 'your face is barely visible hehehe but seems you work out alot' he's like, let me send you another pic... Okay I didn't replied, I don't have time for strangers so I left on read. He sends his pic and I have the reply ready 'yeah you look good' that was what I was gonna say no matter how he looked... I clicked the pic and, it was him n@k3d??!! Wtff! I immediately in 3 seconds closed the app and I was like. Wtf did I just see?🤮🤢

He deletes the pic by the time I ope discord again. And I said "i was somewhere expecting some kinda nonsense". He's like "don't you like it"? "Isn't it big enough?"

I just saw these messages from the notification bar popups and immediately blocked him closed the chat and all the things~ wtff was that?! And if I didn't mention beforehand, the guy earlier told me that he went thru a breakup so now he was finding friends?! Huhhh? I pitied him! I swear I am never ever gonna accept discord req from strangers again... 🥲

What I think abt it is, how stupid men can be? Some men ofc. But how?! How can you send your private pics to someone you don't know? Is it fun? This is a real mentality issue with guys. I am literally traumatized!

[psychxpxthy]

ive been inactive! related venting under the cut, general tws mental illness, bullying, that kinda

a good chunk of the inactivity is bc im going through some shit irl. nothing can really be done abt that, its just gonna take up a lot of my time until it doesnt. im More Or Less about as okay as i ever am, so its no cause for alarm, juuuuust time consuming and tiring

that being said, anothwr big chunk of my not being around stems from having really big issues with the way certain mental illnesses are treated online, lol. ive been online for-fuckin-ever, and the lasstttt... idk, 6-8 years or so? theres been this huge trend towards... i dont really know what to call it

i have severe ptsd. dx'd, medication, therapy, blah blah blah. stems from very serious abuse growing up.

it sucks! its not great.

but the thing is, certain people use the internet's newer tendency to be a little Too Sensitive to...

act like i owe them my life story. my trauma. my triggers.

in my rules, i mentioned that i have some esoteric triggers that i will not name, and that i may block blogs that deal with these things frequently for my own mental health. this is to say, "HELLO. I AM AN ADULT WHO IS HANDLING A SEVERE CASE OF PTSD DUE TO SEVERE TRAUMA. IF I BLOCK YOU, I AM LOOKING OUT FOR MY OWN MENTAL HEALTH, THOUGH YOU HAVE NOT NECESSARILY DONE ANYTHING WRONG."

multiple people (like 4% of follow backs!!!), at this point, have read this and decided to approach me in private messages, telling me that Because They Do Not Know What My Triggers Are I Shouldn't Follow Their Blogs

for. fucks. sake.

heres the thing.

1. you are a stranger on the internet. i do not owe you the most horrendous events in my life in order to view your portrayal of a fictional character.

2. i do not owe ANYONE an explanation of those events. NOT ONE FUCKING PERSON.

3. i literally... outlined my plan for dealing with unexpected triggers in my rules. ill unfollow or block or whatever as i need to. yall read "oh this person has triggers, better demand explanation" and not "oh this person has triggers and will handle them at their discretion"

4. jesus christ do you go up to strangers in a coffee shop and demand to know whether they need a trigger warning to view the graphic on your tshirt???? there are people navigating the world with PTSD LITERALLY ALL AROUND YOU. and very literally ANYTHING can become a trigger if the brain associates it with the abuse/traumatic events they went through.

5. im a fucking adult. in my 20s. im probably older than a good chunk of yall. im probably also younger than a good chunk of yall. but like. fuck dude kids that are abused have to grow up FASTER than the rest of yall. ive had to be an Adult since i was fucking 8 years old. and now, mid 20s, ive got a bunch of people coming up and trying to hold my fucking hand UNWANTED bc theyre WrItInG eDgY tHiNgS oNlInE. its INSULTING. hoooooly shit its insulting i KNOW HOW TO UNFOLLOW SOMEONE IF I NEED TO

6. ive had triggers used against me all my life. god. you might as well be asking me for a copy of my house key and a schedule for when im out of town, like... if i told you my trigger was thomas the fucking tank engine because my shitass abuser played it on loop on tv while beating the hell out of me do you know what happens????? SUDDENLY eeeeeeverything becomes a reference to goddamn thomas the tank engine. "haha oops i just associate it with you and forgot you dont like it. anyway in episode 4..." and i get fucking anons about it. and it spreads to some fucker or another who already decided they wanted to doxx me for some stupid fucking reason and now theyre getting their whole friend group to send shit in. and NOW i have a problem that i CANT filter without making a whole new internet presence lol????? vs just quietly unfollowing someone who ends up posting a shitton of thomas the fucking tank engine memes, where no one knows why i unfollowed or even IF i did.

7. my god. do you people not know that i can close my laptop and walk away from it. i can choose not to be online if a dash topic is setting me off. i can go touch grass for a while and spend time with my lovely partner and our idiot cats. i can play video games. god. i am a fucking adult who can manage my own life

8. god forbid the mentally ill have any privacy also ✨

im not made of paper!!!!!! i might as well be a goddamn nokia brand genetically modified cockroach-water bear hybrid i am literally never going to die and a few letters on the internet arent going to kill me PLEASE stop acting like i owe you my life story!!!!!

[leopardprintismybrown]

i don’t really keep up with cam or anything, but would you be comfortable sharing what he said about you? i’m just kinda curious about this whole situation 🤷‍♀️ if not, don’t worry about it :) i respect your decision

I want to share this because I want to explain why I made a parallelism with a cult, because these fans are brainwashed in a worrying way. What I am quoting now is what it's been said on the private chat. 

He was angry that people were calling him disrespectful on Tumblr and his adepts immediately came to the rescue:

“Cam, if you need anyone to fight for you, I’m your gal”

“CAMILY ARMY”

He encouraged people to “bunny block them haters” and he was saying that it was because of his celebrity parent that people on Tumblr are jealous of him and of the Camily friendship and that we want to be part of it inside.

Some comments of the fans after ignoring why I associated them to a cult i.e. for their toxic behaviour, for following another person’s orders, for looking for culprits to block, for making death threats:

“They’re even hating on the Camily, like what did we do?”

“Based on what they said you know how desperate and jealous they were”

“They had the audacity to call the Camily a brainwashed cult”

“I’ve also noticed certain people on the stream I’d consider blocking”

Cameron started to find the cult mention very funny without even understanding the reason behind the parallelism and how problematic some of his fans are for how they express their support for him. They told me he wore a cult leader vest in his live stream on IG, they're making memes about the situation, decontextualizing and twisting my words and mixing up things other people said or shared with me on my blog:

“Someone else said that I am my bro are problematic me for having a cult around me” (don’t ask me to translate) “and some people think I’m using my dad for fame. Bitch I’m not trying to do that. Just cuz I use the name Deaky. They were like oh they treat him like a saint and everything. They said I was quote feeding the fandom. Like people wanted that type of content.  And now I stopped it. So like? Do I post Queen videos anymore? Nope. People are only saying this stuff because I’m fucking related to a celebrity. Gonna go insta live for a rant”

Here comes another demonstration of their sick minds:

“Wait. If we’re being called a cult, let’s show up to their door with guns”

And after this affirmation to be proud of, they started to deny their own words and they were saying that they were obviously trying to get my Tumblr taken down because I was bullying Cameron:

“They are also giving death threats. THEY’RE ACTUALLY GIVING DEATH THREATHS FROM WHAT CAMERON HAS SAID” “Ours is a joke. Theirs is actual death threaths” “Cameron said they’ve been making threaths” They posted a screenshot of my blog adding comments like “I’m not surprised it’s a Rog stan tbh" I was told someone was asking Cameron to tell ROGER about what I did.

At this point Cameron read a screenshot somebody sent him (probably about an anon I received talking about his brother) and he said: “She’s harassing me by posting about it. She was reposting slandering things about me and my brother. Like if my brother saw those comments as well I’m sure he’d be really humiliated and upset too”

One of the adepts' comments:

“She was slandering and talking abt John n not respecting privacy”

Cameron decided that: “If nothings done about it they’ll just continue. Clearly they came to my stream again”

Reaction of the adepts:

“We work out who it is in stream tonight and block them”

I also want to explain why I panicked yesterday. Someone from this discord was making me read everything, and not only I was clearly stressed for what I was reading and because they twisted every single word I wrote, but I was also witnessing live these fanatics commenting on my blog and providing a screenshot of my username and homepage and reporting me in mass. At the same time, the person that was only trying to help me was begging me to change my username repeatedly. "They're going to pile on you, change the url" I was confused and I didn't know what to do. Ironically, I was having a problem with my internet connection and couldn't access to my Tumblr so I was afraid they were already taking down my account (I don't know how these things work) and that I couldn't ask for help, justify myself or warn someone. In addition to this, I was getting bunny emojis and other anons saying that Cameron was roasting me on his IG live, something I think went on for hours because friends of mine were sending me stuff the whole night. 

I didn't obviously watch the stream so I cannot tell you what he said about me but I was told that he would keep on venting about it in the next days. Just to say that I am having a public persona with thousands of followers easy to manipulate publicly mocking me, encouraging people to cancel me, block me, report me by using his influence. This is bullying, ignorance, abuse of power, mind manipulation of teenagers from a 27 year old. He needs someone to monitor him. What hurts  me even more is that he's related to someone I respect.

I also got many messages from fans who are on that chat saying that they are sorry for what happened to me but that they are afraid to defend me because they don’t want to be called “traitors” and that the people on the chat feel like they have to go by what Cameron says. People apologized to me because they realized they said awful things about me but didn’t know the full story. Other people that defended me were blocked and are still asking me to not make their names public. 

What would you call this atmosphere?