#the rest of yall have been fantastic and im looking forward to comin back when i can

[psychxpxthy]

ive been inactive! related venting under the cut, general tws mental illness, bullying, that kinda

a good chunk of the inactivity is bc im going through some shit irl. nothing can really be done abt that, its just gonna take up a lot of my time until it doesnt. im More Or Less about as okay as i ever am, so its no cause for alarm, juuuuust time consuming and tiring

that being said, anothwr big chunk of my not being around stems from having really big issues with the way certain mental illnesses are treated online, lol. ive been online for-fuckin-ever, and the lasstttt... idk, 6-8 years or so? theres been this huge trend towards... i dont really know what to call it

i have severe ptsd. dx'd, medication, therapy, blah blah blah. stems from very serious abuse growing up.

it sucks! its not great.

but the thing is, certain people use the internet's newer tendency to be a little Too Sensitive to...

act like i owe them my life story. my trauma. my triggers.

in my rules, i mentioned that i have some esoteric triggers that i will not name, and that i may block blogs that deal with these things frequently for my own mental health. this is to say, "HELLO. I AM AN ADULT WHO IS HANDLING A SEVERE CASE OF PTSD DUE TO SEVERE TRAUMA. IF I BLOCK YOU, I AM LOOKING OUT FOR MY OWN MENTAL HEALTH, THOUGH YOU HAVE NOT NECESSARILY DONE ANYTHING WRONG."

multiple people (like 4% of follow backs!!!), at this point, have read this and decided to approach me in private messages, telling me that Because They Do Not Know What My Triggers Are I Shouldn't Follow Their Blogs

for. fucks. sake.

heres the thing.

1. you are a stranger on the internet. i do not owe you the most horrendous events in my life in order to view your portrayal of a fictional character.

2. i do not owe ANYONE an explanation of those events. NOT ONE FUCKING PERSON.

3. i literally... outlined my plan for dealing with unexpected triggers in my rules. ill unfollow or block or whatever as i need to. yall read "oh this person has triggers, better demand explanation" and not "oh this person has triggers and will handle them at their discretion"

4. jesus christ do you go up to strangers in a coffee shop and demand to know whether they need a trigger warning to view the graphic on your tshirt???? there are people navigating the world with PTSD LITERALLY ALL AROUND YOU. and very literally ANYTHING can become a trigger if the brain associates it with the abuse/traumatic events they went through.

5. im a fucking adult. in my 20s. im probably older than a good chunk of yall. im probably also younger than a good chunk of yall. but like. fuck dude kids that are abused have to grow up FASTER than the rest of yall. ive had to be an Adult since i was fucking 8 years old. and now, mid 20s, ive got a bunch of people coming up and trying to hold my fucking hand UNWANTED bc theyre WrItInG eDgY tHiNgS oNlInE. its INSULTING. hoooooly shit its insulting i KNOW HOW TO UNFOLLOW SOMEONE IF I NEED TO

6. ive had triggers used against me all my life. god. you might as well be asking me for a copy of my house key and a schedule for when im out of town, like... if i told you my trigger was thomas the fucking tank engine because my shitass abuser played it on loop on tv while beating the hell out of me do you know what happens????? SUDDENLY eeeeeeverything becomes a reference to goddamn thomas the tank engine. "haha oops i just associate it with you and forgot you dont like it. anyway in episode 4..." and i get fucking anons about it. and it spreads to some fucker or another who already decided they wanted to doxx me for some stupid fucking reason and now theyre getting their whole friend group to send shit in. and NOW i have a problem that i CANT filter without making a whole new internet presence lol????? vs just quietly unfollowing someone who ends up posting a shitton of thomas the fucking tank engine memes, where no one knows why i unfollowed or even IF i did.

7. my god. do you people not know that i can close my laptop and walk away from it. i can choose not to be online if a dash topic is setting me off. i can go touch grass for a while and spend time with my lovely partner and our idiot cats. i can play video games. god. i am a fucking adult who can manage my own life

8. god forbid the mentally ill have any privacy also ✨

im not made of paper!!!!!! i might as well be a goddamn nokia brand genetically modified cockroach-water bear hybrid i am literally never going to die and a few letters on the internet arent going to kill me PLEASE stop acting like i owe you my life story!!!!!