#and i want to cry because i feel like I'm not being productive and there's other stuff i want to do but i CAN'T
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pardonmydelays · 5 months ago
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ok, so i just listened to "loom" by imagine dragons, and i'm sorry but i only like three and a half song
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azures-grace · 11 months ago
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I want to listen to The Amazing Devil, I really do
Unfortunately, my stupid brain is hyperfixating on Lord Huron RN and I cannot think of any album aside from Vide Noir and Strange Trails
I CAN'T EVEN GO TO LONG LOST??
It is absolutely ridiculous how much I want to listen to something else, but nothing is itching my brain right like those albums.
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Someone like... Poke me to listen to something else.
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youremyonlyhope · 7 months ago
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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barkingangelbaby · 10 months ago
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I feel like such a broken fucking person lol
I talked way too much in the tags don't read them
#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust#i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short#i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways#i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and#i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc#we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus#t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do#n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on#being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it#I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her#like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky#i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up#i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on#like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything#idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions#today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others#i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day#rAMbles
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valwrote · 5 months ago
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PICK YOUR DOMESTIC HUSBAND 🛒
WHICH HUSBAND IS ON THE DOMESTICITY MENU TODAY?
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featuring: diluc, alhaitham, zhongli, wriothesley, neuvillette.
synopsis: glimpses into married life with the genshin men.
warnings: implied fem!reader, occasional pet names, ooc (I have a sparse idea how diluc works, mention of "activities" (just mention I can't write smut pls), silly goofy ah loser coded men, mild swearing (damn, heck)
a/n: *stretching my back and crunching my neck.* I'm back from the dead. apologies for the choppy writing. thanks for the support on the other posts, if only I could write 50-page essays thanking everyone. <33 :')) not proofread.
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DILUC đŸ·
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PRODUCT NAME: BREAKFAST AND KISSES IN BED. Diluc always hated the Knights of Favonius
 
He hated how most of them just stand around like buffoons and do not partake in any actual work that involves saving Mondstadt. He wouldn’t admit that he enjoys playing Batman. He hated them all except for one.
One he was willing to forgive all flaws of. "Knight of Favonius
always so inefficient,”  He scoffed at the pathetic sight of the hilichurls trying to dry roast a few knights roped to a wooden stick for their dinner. “Seriously, You’re so right Master Diluc.” Diluc’s head turned so fast at the sound of a new voice. When did you get here? Were you always there and how did he not sense you around?
That’s simply how you always were. A hard worker amidst slackers – he always termed despite Jean trying to explain that others work hard too. Perhaps that’s what caught his attention, honestly, he would never know what did. “G’morning
” He murmured against your skin, head buried in the crook of your neck, your flushed bare back pressed against him. “5 more minutes
” he heard your soft and groggy voice evoking a chuckle from the usually passive man. “Have I ever told you
how beautiful you are?” Diluc muttered against your skin. You smiled and turned around, “You always do. I remember my Dark-Knight Hero crying at the altar.” You pressed a finger against his chest, while he scoffed at the memory. “Don’t remind me about that, Kaeya doesn’t let me live that down
” He sighed, his brother consistently brought up the matter of him crying whenever he was losing an argument. Foul play if you ask anyone. “So
breakfast downstairs or in the bed?” He planted a kiss on your cheek while you hummed out a response, “Bed, you didn’t exactly go easy on me the previous night.” You recalled the events of the passionate night the day before. The honeymoon phase never seemed to end. “I am so sorry–” He panicked,” You're not in pain are you? I promise I’ll be gentle– I knew I should’ve been more considerat–” You stopped him by pressing a kiss against his lips. He groaned at the feeling of your soft lips touching his hands tangling themselves in your hair.
“I’m kidding silly
 you should stop taking things so seriously unless you want me to start searching for grey hairs amidst those red locks of yours.” You snickered out seeing him release a breath of relief.
If the Darknight Hero really does exist, he's probably just someone in disguise. When he gets up in the morning to brush his teeth, it's the real him. He was his real him in front of you. People may call him a loser for such vulnerability
he was a loser for you.
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ALHAITHAM đŸŒ±
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PRODUCT NAME: READING BOOKS OUT LOUD. One would say married to someone like Alhaitham was nothing short of a nightmare. They weren't 100% right. Shrouded beneath the aloof and meticulous personality resided someone who was in complete denial towards being loved. He loves it.
Who was he kidding? Nobody in a million years thought someone could put up with his insufferable personality — said Kaveh, his unpaying tenant. That was until he ran into you during his time as the newly appointed Scribe. You were like a painter, splashing heaps of paint in his 90s black-and-white life. Was eating ice cream always this enjoyable or was it because it was with you? Was the gossip between co-workers always this interesting or was it because it included you?
Why was his heart having an entire Queen’s rock and roll concert talking to you? Was it cardiac arrest or– He almost shuddered at the thought of it being what they called love.
“You’ve got flour on your face, sweetheart.” His teal eyes blinked amusingly into yours, a faint smile curling up his lips. You must have saved a nation in your previous life to land this man as your husband. Beige shirt perfectly sculpting around his abs – contrary to him calling himself “feeble,” hair slightly tousled and slight sleepiness in his eyes. He might not act like it but he was a little child whose needs had to be tended to like the coffee mug in his hands which you made, like usual. You wouldn’t want a cranky Alhaitham now, would you? “Hmpf, not my fault, this cooking book is completely bogus!” You rubbed your cheeks with the back of your hand, wiping away any remaining flour. “This is so boring
if only someone could provide their poor wife with some entertainment.” You always resorted to theatrics to get him to do things for you, albeit begrudgingly. “No, the same tactic is not going to work again.” “Please
” “No
” He groaned, tone almost pleading not to put him through the torture again. “During better or worse!” You resorted to the ace up to your sleeve. WEDDING VOWS! “Stop quoting the wedding vows.” He sighed in defeat. The most intellectually gifted man in the nation couldn't win against his own wife. Ironical. He got up and grabbed a book out of the bookshelf; a small fraction of his much larger library.
“Miss Elizabeth,” Alhaitham lazily flipped through the pages earning a rebuke. “More emotion! You are ruining the scene.” Alhaitham sighed and cleared his throat, “I love you most ardently
” His tone was feathery soft, emotion surging in it. A smile crept up as he stared at you endearingly.
“That’s much better. Though I seriously think Mr Darcy should’ve said– Miss Elizabeth, allow me to kiseth thy lovely lips.” You mimicked the deep voice of the character with the failing British accent. “Please have mercy on Jane Austen’s ghost and let her enjoy the afterlife.” Alhaitham chuckled and continued reading as you continued baking.  It was a shame that a man of such talent only paid attention to the truth itself and not to the people around him. If only the searching eyes of the ordinary say the exception to his indifference, you.
This was your biosphere, just you, him, novels and food encapsulated inside your small home.
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ZHONGLI đŸȘš
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PRODUCT NAME: ALWAYS ON HIS MIND. What is the best but the most useless flex you have? Being married to the Geo Archon. The inability to just tell the whole world that you are married to the frigging god was painful. You yourself were surprised by your ability to control yourself. Zhongli was a man of carefully curated words. Instead of words, straight-up poetry flew out of his mouth. Everyone knew how much he adored his wife, every vendor, every acquaintance, heck even Venti. Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's mysterious consultant. Handsome, elegant, and surpassingly learned. Excellent memory. A master of courtesy and rules. The amount of poor women who have tried to grab his attention. "Mr.Zhongli, how does this look?" the woman, who he remembered meeting over a history discussion 17 days ago. "Hm?" his amber eyes shifted to gaze at the hairpiece the lady was holding. "Most exquisite.." He remarked, seemingly going into deep thought. Instead of a compliment, he said something that made the woman back away, "Such beautiful craftsmanship...may I ask you to tell me where you found this? I wish to buy one for my wife–" he paused, seeing the lady vanished after pointing at the shop where she got it from. "Zhongli, you should be able to tell why people approach you..." Hutao sighed, standing beside the rather oblivious gentleman. "Let's just continue...we've got customers to find!" Hutao started walking alongside the railing, hoping to find people in need of funeral services. "Maybe we should go and ask peopl– Zhongli??" Hutao looked around for the Consultant, who was caught up chatting with a shopkeeper over some earrings. "Zhongli!" Hutao called out to him, causing his head to turn towards the director. "Oh, apologies...It seems I got too carried away. These earrings caught my eye...I'm sure [Name} would love them.." he mumbled, staring at the jewellery. "I'll take them." "Mister Zhongli? What about the payment..." The shopkeeper meekly asked, causing Zhongli to turn his head fully at Hutao; gazing expectantly. Hutao should've expected this... "Zhongli, we are out here to find customers! Not buying gifts for [Name], her birthday is months away!" "They say the best things should be done first. After all, why must I wait for one specific day to express my love for my beloved?" Zhongli asked curiously and Hutao shaked her head; love was clearly out of her expertise. Zhongli, he is particular about everything. He only attended the best operas and focused on the perfect ratio for the creation of an authentic dish.  On a typical day, all you will glean from him is a few pieces of useless trivia, because he particularly enjoys sharing these fun tidbits with you. He was particular about you and your likings. A smile on your face was what he wanted by the end of the day. For being someone alive for 6000 years, he could proudly say that he loved and cherished something– someone.
"Wait here, Director Hu...Perhaps I should get those flowers over there to accompany the hairpin and earrings..."
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WRIOTHESLEY đŸș
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PRODUCT NAME: BATTLE TO BUY A DOG OR NOT.
"Wriothesley, I want a dog!" You crossed your arms, staring down at the Duke who was glued to the chair in his office. “But why? That’s just unnecessary responsibility
” Wriothesley sighed, rubbing his temples. This was the 3rd time this month you’ve brought up this topic. Was he that incompetent in terms of filling his role as your significant other? Perhaps not with the never-ending paperwork. Oh, how he wished people would just stop committing crimes. “I get lonely in the Fortress
I want a child.” You put forth your point by using the term ’ child’. Child, dog same thing. You hoped to finally convince him this time.
“We have Sigewinne.” Wriothesley pointed at the head nurse prepping tea in the room with the back of his pen. “I am sorry, Your Grace but playing the role of the child is out of my job description.” The Melusine replied indifferently, pouring freshly seeped tea into the three cups. “Fine, we will go get one
I’ll schedule a meeting with the owner of the pet shelter. Happy?” He asked you, chin resting on his palm. Perhaps getting a dog was a good idea as he was guilty of being unable to spend quality time with you
 “No way
” “Isn’t that..?” “The Duke of the Meropide–” “He rarely appears in public..” Wriothesley held out the door to the shelter for you, hoping you would go in and it would finally save him from the gaze of curious onlookers. The two of you walked in, only to be pounced upon by a big dog. “Kal! You sly dog! I knew I shouldn’t have let you out!” The caretaker yelled at the big ball of black fur who had tackled Wriothesley to the floor and was aggressively licking his face, tail wagging in delight. “Are you okay?” You asked your fallen husband, who just chuckled in response. “I am good just– Okay stop! I understand your gesture of love.” Wriothesley got up as the dog encircled him. “This one is so adorable
” you gasped at the cuteness radiating from the dog and its big brown eyes. “You’ve got a keen eye! This is Kal, Shiloh Shepard, one of the finest dogs out there.” The caretaker combed her fingers through the thick and groomed black coat of the canine. “He seems to have taken a liking to the Duke.” The caretaker continued as the dog ran back to Wriothesley, peppering his face with licks. “He even looks like you.” You teased as Wriothesley stared at you in disbelief. You did not just compare him to a dog
he even did a double take at the dog to confirm. “We will take this one then
” He chuckled in amusement. Never had he imagined marrying you and on top of that getting a four-legged beast. Needless to say, Wriothesley proudly walked out of the shelter, holding the big dog in his hands like a child. It felt complete ever since getting Kal; like your own little family. Wriothesley wouldn’t admit it but he loved the dog, despite it hogging all of your love and attention. He didn’t expect to be fighting over cuddling rights with a dog!? 
He watched you and Kal sleep peacefully on the couch, keeping him company while he finished up his work. He felt a sense of gratitude
people of the Fortress knew little of the crime he once committed. The only one who still remembers it like yesterday is Wriothesley himself. And no matter how much glory or repute he has earned, he still considers himself to be the same old Wriothesley he's always known.Neither a good person nor a complete villain. He's just another soul, still living on in this world. However, your eyes always reassured him in ways he couldn’t describe. Everything was perfect

[Name]!! YOURDAMN DOG PISSED ON MY COAT!! Maybe not that perfect
whoops.
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NEUVILLETTE 🌊
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PRODUCT NAME: HELPING THE OTHER DRESS.
Monsieur Neuvillette, The Iudex of Fontaine, always wondered how his life had come to this. 500 years of serving his position as the Beacon of Justice, a lovely, beaming baker somehow broke the monotony. Well, calling you just a baker was now an insult. With your ring finger bejewelled, with one of the rarest gems– an ode to his undying loyalty and representation of his eternal love. “It’s astounding how a covert mission conducted by melusines could’ve landed someone such as myself a lady like her
” He muttered to himself, seeing his full form in the mirror. “Talking to yourself, again?” You leaned against the door frame, lopsidedly smiling at the peculiar antics of Fontaine’s most distinguished man. “Ah, apologies
I didn’t think you would notice me conversing with myself. Now I find myself in a rather awkward predicament.” He chuckled. Dear god, this man was so beautiful that his beauty was almost blinding with the morning sun perfectly hitting his face.
“Say ah,” You requested and he complied. Who better to take constructive criticism from other than your husband? “New filling?” He covered his mouth while chewing on the croissant. “Yup, how is it? I was experimenting with some Rainbow Roses and these Inazuman berries I bought.” You blinked curiously, waiting for some input. “Hmm it is very pleasant, it is fascinating how you manage to maintain the freshness of the fruit
” You smiled at his compliment, before noticing him struggling with the jabot around his neck. “Need help?” You offered and he nodded his head. “This is absurd..it usually isn’t this difficult.” He frustrated replied, it was amusing to see the cool and collected man all worked up about clothing. “I suggest simplifying your outfit.” You attached the jabot and secured it in with the teardrop brooch, fixing the ruffles. 
“Thank you. I do prefer my outfit as it conveys the message I wish for it to convey.” He explained before staring at you. You knew that look, he looked at you with his eyebrows slightly creased when he was hesitating from saying something. “What is it?” “Do I get a goodbye kiss before I leave?” “Pfft! I didn’t think you would take that seriously!” Conclusion: this man was wayyy to cute.
Neuvillette is a solitary person. Neuvillette is not known for his personal desires.
He was deemed as someone with unassailable impartiality. If only they knew that perhaps the Iudex was just a wee bit biased.
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a/n 2.0: the crust will come off...hopefully. i wonder if it's possible to guess which one of them is my favourite??
don't steal, copy, plagiarise, or translate.
©definitelysel
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neverendingford · 1 year ago
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#reading the staff announcement just feels gross.#I despise being pushed to market to others and I despise being marketed to. I can live without tumblr. I will continue to find new places#there's always somewhere new to learn. somewhere new to follow artists and somewhere new to keep up with current events#the moment we turn into products is the moment I'm fucking out of here. idgaf about whether your app development is profitable#literally not my problem. crying and saying “don't you see? we have to turn you into a product or we'll shut down” doesn't help#then perish. I give a shit about myself. that's it. everything else comes second to that. that's what the people on tumblr taught me#I learned self care here. and if taking care of myself means logging out and never coming back then that's what I'll do#I'll set my queue to something like 5/day and then just fuck off to something else. I'll pick up a new hobby or watch some shows#and I'll find something else to do with my life besides get pushed things that I hate.#maybe tumblr is harder to use. because it requires you to do the fucking work yourself. it doesn't dice feed you#corporate bullshit makes me want to leave and go start a new minecraft server and never come back to this website#idk. I hate the whole situation. I want to leave and never look back.#if things get worse I will go back to living under my rock. I've learned a lot here but I can move on#I don't have a reach. I don't pay artists. I don't really participate. you will genuinely be fine without me.#maybe I make a difference to the few people who follow me. but I can make just as much of a difference to other people other places#maybe I mean a lot to you. I can mean just as much to someone elsewhere. maybe I like it here. maybe I can like it somewhere else too
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mxgyver · 2 years ago
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I still cannot believe that my 7 bazillion questions about Fanboy y Cielo's holiday traditions led to this đŸ„č I am so honored and in awe of the fact that you turned that, into this. my holiday loving, romantic af heart is yearning over all of this.
“Bien, mija,” she appraised, as Mickey sipped his punch from the corner he had been relegated to in the the kitchen, watching with honeymelt eyes as the women who shaped his past, his present, and – his eyes lingered over you – hopefully, his future, all worked in tandem to make homemade tamales. Gossipping away and giggling with each other as though you had been their friend for decades. 
oh 😭 something about Mickey seeing all of the important women is his life coming together, knowing deep down that this is it, this is all he wants in his life.
"You admired the hewn wood, popping the lid on the box to find a handful of recipe cards in what you recognized form letters and cards to be Mrs. Garcia’s handwriting.
“Just a few recipes for you – so the two of you can have them for your home. And start some of your own traditions.”
You thanked her, with teary eyes and a warm hug, all vestiges of worry set aside as you enmeshed yourself into the warm welcome of the Garcia home."
brb sobbing because this truly felt like Mrs. Garcia's way of fully making her apart of the family. because holy shit?? sharing family recipes with someone?? that requires a lot of love and trust. and I would be truly honored if my boyfriend's mother shared family recipes with me.
"And it was a cosmic, karmic collision – something in the stars, you think. Watching him play with Artoo, watching him eat his breakfast, watching him pluck packages from beneath the tree, ready to give to you. And maybe it was the magic of the holidays – that tinges everything in evergreen romance, warm and sweet and cinnamon. But you think, perhaps, that it will always feel this way with Mickey – as though he was the sunshine in your wintery sky, iridescent and luminous."
okay but Mickey having his moments of watching Cielo with his sisters & mama and then the roles being reversed now Cielo is watching him doing domestic homey things??? 😭 Mickey is so easy and so fun to love 😭
brb gonna go fall asleep thinking about how much I wish I was Cielo. brava my darling Rae, you've knocked it out of the park yet again.
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mi media naranja [holiday!AU - mickey “fanboy” garcia x fem!reader, aka “cielo”]
A/N: For Fanboy’s fangirls - a holiday celebration with Fanboy y Cielo. Lots of callbacks to my original Fanboy HCs  – so if you’ve been following their journey thus far, there will be lots in here for you. Bonus points if you get the references! 
Pairing: Mickey ‘Fanboy’ Garcia x fem!civilian!reader (aka “Cielo;” as always no use of y/n – my readers are written ambiguous, but with a latina!reader in mind.)
Warnings: my writing is its own warning, smut, so 18+ ONLY – p in v sex, unprotected sex, v mild breeding kink, references to oral sex
Word Count: 5.8k of the warmth of a holiday spent together with your beloved, of chestnuts roasting on an open fire, of the cinnamon-orange passion of sharing half of yourself with someone else.
Summary: You spend your holidays with your sweet boyfriend. Mickey takes you home to visit his family, but of course, you make sure to indulge in the magic of the holiday, just the two of you [part of the Fanboy y Cielo ‘verse].
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(moodboard courtesy of lovely @ouralcohol)
–
Divided holidays were a challenge. 
You and Mickey had opted to spend the few days preceding Christmas with his mother and his sisters, which meant, of course, holiday travel.
You’d left your beachside home in San Diego, packing gifts and luggage alike to make the trek to Mickey’s hometown. Artoo was set up with your friend for the few days you’d be gone. And it wasn’t as though you weren’t coming back in just a few days to celebrate Christmas with Mickey, just the two of you. It would go by in a flash. So why were you nervous?  
You had met his family before. And, of course, they’d never indicated anything other than that they’d liked you 
 Still, you’d felt the perpetual need to impress. To ensure that they still liked you, as though their opinion would have changed in the six months since you had seen them for the family’s summer beach weekend.
And the drive was pleasant enough, Mickey expressing to you ad nauseam that he was glad you were coming, 
“You don’t understand, cielo,” he urged. “Every time I talk to my tía it’s like – ‘¿Y tu novia? ¿Y tu novia?’” he parroted. “I swear, it’s like she’s convinced you don’t exist, even though my mom has literally met you.”
Keep reading
#oh god the idea of being worthy of a partner's family's love is so daunting#i'm also so grateful my family never bugs me about having a significant other either 💀#oh his sisters sound like so much fun 😭#MAKING TAMALES 😭#listen my family is so very white#but i fucking love tamales & growing up with a lot of hispanic/latinx friends i was obviously exposed to a lot of the culture#and i was so jealous that had easier access to tamales#like i know it's hard work and it takes foreverrr#but god i would love to be able to help make some#because being able to partake in something & then enjoying the end product is so much better when you play a hand in it#also i fucking LOVE masa and could probably eat way too much of it#okay but being called mija by older hispanic/latinx women is just so wonderful đŸ„č#one of my old b&bw managers used to call me that and it made me want to cry tears of joy#can mama garcia be my mother in law/mom đŸ„č#the callback to the cookies fic đŸ„č😭#can't believe my influence??? wow#okay but i feel like seeing the love of your life in their unchanged childhood bedroom would totally make you fall that much more in love??#oh the ocean references 😭#mickey you absolute dog trying to fuck your girl in your mother's house#'he'd high-five me for a home-run?' MICKEY#okay but the garcia sibs all having that same look is so sweet and endearing#okay but not my coworker's nickname popping up 💀#'my darling girl' okay yeah that's definitely her seal of approval for sure no take backsies#THE FANBOY AND PAYBACK GRAPHIC NOVEL FINALLY GOT FINISHED OH MY GOD#shut the fuck up that's the significance of the oranges??? I can't deal 😭#brb going to go stare longingly at the orange tree in my yard#THE PROMISE RING#oh the way you weave metaphors and descriptors in is so elegant and flows so well#like a smooth brushstroke (not to literally use almost your own words against you lmao)#mickey garcia fic
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mellowsadistic · 9 months ago
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“That’s it, baby, let it all out,” I cooed. “Have a big cry. Daddy's here, little girl." I stroked my wife's hair gently while she bawled her eyes out like a two-year-old, sat on the floor of our bedroom wearing nothing but her sopping wet diaper.
She gasped in big lungfuls of air, her bare chest heaving with every shaky breath. “You
 did something
 to me!” she said between hiccups, batting my hand away and glaring at me accusingly. It seemed that I'd finally been found out.
"What did I do to you, sweetheart?" I asked softly.
"You... turned me... into... a cry... baby!" she sobbed, almost hyperventilating now, her words barely intelligible. "You... want me... like this!"
“That's right, darling," I said, and I saw her tear-filled eyes widen in surprise at my ready confession. "I want to be your Daddy. I want to take care of you. But you've always been so strong and independent. I knew I had to do something to change that, so I used some special hypnosis files, hidden in that night-time background music you like to listen to, to erode your emotional control. It's the same technique I used to take away your potty training.”
She looked at me in horror, but I just chuckled and reached out to stroke her tear-stained cheek lovingly with the back of my fingers. “It’s so sweet that you can’t control when you go pee-pee or poo-poo anymore." I patted the front of her soggy diaper. “And you look so pretty in your princess nappy!”
“You did this to me?” my wife whispered, so shocked that her wracking sobs had come to a halt. Her hand drifted down to the huge disposable diaper bulging between her thighs. "You made me need these?"
"Yes, baby," I said. "I thought making you incontinent would be enough, but even then you were still trying to be self-sufficient; insisting on changing your own nappies, refusing to let me comfort you after an accident. So now you're going to be emotionally incontinent as well, sweetie. No more bottling things up. No more self-control. When you get even the slightest bit upset about something, you'll be in tears."
“But whyyy?!” she wailed, her sobbing returning in full force. "Why did you... do this... to me?!"
“It’s not good for girls to hold in their feelings,” I said, running my fingers through her hair again. She seemed too appalled by what I was saying to even notice. “It’s so much cuter, so much more feminine, when you lose control and have a little meltdown instead.”
“But I don’t
 want to be
 like this!” she cried.
“I know, darling,” I said soothingly, “but this is how I want you. Daddy knows best. Being a tearful toddler suits you much better than being an adult woman. In any case, there's no undoing the effects of the hypnosis now, little one. I made sure it was completely permanent."
“No!” she wailed, bouncing on her wet bottom and beating her fists impotently against the floor. “It's not fair! I wanna be a grown-up! I wanna use the toilet! I don't wanna be a stupid crybaby! I don't wanna! I don't wanna!" Her words trailed off into incoherent blubbering as she devolved into a massive temper tantrum.
I couldn't help but smile. She looked so adorable! "Hush now, princess," I cooed, shoving a large pink pacifier between my wife's lips. Her mewling was cut off abruptly, and she started sucking on it at once - another product of the hypnosis files. She was left sniffling and whimpering quietly, her dummy bobbing rhythmically in her mouth. "Now I know you're very upset because Daddy turned you into a big baby," I said, pushing her back gently onto the floor, "but I'm sure a nice dry diaper will have you feeling better in no time. Legs up, baby! It's time for you to let Daddy take care of everything."
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chronosbled · 2 years ago
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{ I am literally sobbing about how many drafts (among other things as well) I have because no matter how hard I try or what I do, I can’t seem to write any of them and it’s overwhelming me to the point of being emotionally stressed. }
#tw; negative#tw; vent#tw; anorexia mention#tw; eating disorder#{ I literally can't bring myself to do anything and it's driving me crazy. }#{ All I wanna do is just sit her and cry about everything. }#{ But I can't because my mom is here despite having co.vid and I gotta be 'happy'. }#{ I feel like I'm driving myself crazy and that it's my own fault. }#{ Like... I haven't felt good for a while now and it shows given how I can't be productive. }#{ All I've been doing is talking to Binx and that's been helping a bit. }#{ But other than that? I'm just miserable. }#{ And my anorexia is acting up so I haven't been eating anything because I'm starting to gain unwanted weight. }#{ Every time I look in the mirror I just see something I don't want. }#{ There's nothing wrong with being bigger because my sister is a bigger girl. }#{ But it's not what I want for me because I've always been the 'skinny' one in the family and every time relatives- }#{ come over they talk about how 'pretty' I am out of all the girls because I still have my shape so it's not helping in the slightest. }#{ I feel like I'm not living up to what people want of me and I just... }#{ I can't. }#{ I literally feel like tearing my hair out. }#{ I was managing until I woke up this morning and then everything just hit me like a truck. }#{ I feel like I'm losing my mind. }#{ I'm sorry I'm not here much. }#{ I'm sorry I've been somewhat distant. }#{ I feel like I've made my friends on here feel like I don't care about them. }#{ But that's not true! I promise! It isn't! }#{ I love you all so much! }#{ It's me that I don't like. }#☣ [ ' BÊ…ÏƒÉŻÎčɳɠ σϝϝ ʂƚҜαɱ. ' ] - ✡ RÎ±ÉłÆšÎčɳɠ/VÒœÉłÆšÎčɳɠ ✡#☣ [ ' TÔ‹Òœ ÏƒÉłÒœ ÉŻÔ‹Ïƒ ʅҜαԃʂ ႊҜԋÎčɳԃ ƈʅσʂҜԃ ԃσσɟʂ. ' ] - ✡ Oυƚ σϝ CԋαɟαƈƚҜɟ ✡
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ohmygraves · 3 months ago
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some more period related stuff cuz i hate bleeding and being born with a uterus
inspired by this piece by @dmitriene !
okay, so say that the reader is someone who grew up in a "traditional" household. being taught that period is an "embarrassing" thing, that you clean up after your own mess, even if you're feeling like your body is being torn into two pieces. even if the job takes two person to do.
it took a while for you to get out of that kind of family dynamics, and now that you're together with simon (either married or dating) you understand that maybe your period doesn't have to be something that's so shameful.
one day you bled through your pads or whatever period products you use, the blood leaked everywhere. On the shorts you wear to bed, the new satin sheets you just bought, the thick comforter on the bed, simon's... oh god you even bleed on him.
of course, you panicked. one because now you had to somehow clean everything yourself and then get back to bed to get some rest before the sun goes up, and that you had to wrangle those pants and sheets from simon so you could clean them properly. this was your nightmare and you're not sure if you could even deal with everything.
you were about to cry and pass out from the sheer overwhelming feeling before simon wakes up, seeing the blood on the bed and on him and on you and he just let out a sigh before pulling you to the bathroom, giving you a pat on the back and kisses your forehead to calm you down.
"y're bleedin' onto the floor, sweetheart... c'mere..." he whispered, didn't expect you to start crying instead after he said that. oh god, i have to mop the floor too, you thought.
"what're you crying for, love? it's okay. i'll handle the mess."
you tried to form words, but all that came out were sobby mess. "b-but... 's blood... dirty..."
if he could roll his eyes further he could've seen the inside of his head.
"love, really? you think i'm bothered by a little bit of blood?" he let out a sigh. "do you remember what i do everyday?"
"it's different!"
"'s not. blood's blood," he sighed, "take off your pants."
you didn't want to make him more angry, so you obliged, letting him throw the stained clothes away. he took off his own stained pants, grabbing a clean one for himself before telling you that you should probably shower and get yourself settled down, he'll be outside cleaning everything off the bed. you reluctantly agreed, you felt really gross anyway and shower might help.
when you're done, he prepared you some new pads, clean set of clothes, the dirty clothes you wore earlier were now gone. the bed is cleaned, though missing the comforter and the sheets have been replaced. the blood on the floor is also clean, he must've mopped the floor while you were inside.
"how's my love doin'? better, i hope?" he came up behind you and hugged you. "threw everything into the washer, everything's sorted."
"simon, i have to handwash them..."
"do you want to handwash the comforter too? be my guest, then."
you sighed, hand washing the comforter would've been absolute hell.
"just come back to bed, love... everything's clean."
"bed's stained, right?"
"'s all good, i flipped it over."
good enough.
you laid back down with simon, the clean sheets feel nice on your skin. it seems like he got another blanket, though not as thick as your usual comforter, still better than nothing. hopefully the stain on the comforter will be gone by tomorrow.
"sorry that i woke you up..."
"just go to bed, love. 's late." simon grumbled, pulling you into a hug. seems like he's not used to the thinner blanket too, seeing how he's snuggling into you closer. it is quite cold without it, the two of you just got used to the thick comforter.
"okay," you closed your eyes, feeling better. "i love you, simon."
simon only grumbled in response, his face already buried in the crook of your neck.
you hoped that there won't be anymore leakage later.
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o-sachi · 4 months ago
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Every Single Thing I Have ₊âŠč One Shot
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àŹł Character; Michael Kaiser (Bllk)
àŹł Tags; mostly fluff, a bit of angst (happy ending), soft mihya, gn reader, no y/n
àŹł Note; inspired by Two by Sleeping at Last!
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Selfish. Manipulative. Cold.
Those were the words often associated to him. You were well aware of what he was like on the field or how he treated others. But you could never seem to agree with them.
To you, Michael Kaiser was the most selfless and loving person you've come across in your life.
Sweetheart, you look a little tired When did you last eat? Come in and make yourself right at home Stay as long as you need
You knew the hardships that came with dating a football star. Everything else you could stomach, but to be away from him for weeks on end was something you couldn't overcome. So, whenever he left the country, he'd tell you to stay at his place for the time being. It's not quite the same as having him around, but to live in his space was comforting enough.
You'd sleep in his bed, occasionally use his clothes, and even bathe with his shampoo at times—all just to feel that he's right here with you. Sometimes he wonders why you haven't moved in yet.
You'd always say that you want to be financially stable first, not wanting to freeload off of him. But he scoffs each time.
"Love, I don't give a shit about that. I just want you here in my home," he'd always say.
His place was as good as yours. Parts of the apartment were decorated how you'd want it. You even had more products in the bathroom than he did. He'd integrate you in every particle of his life if he could.
Whenever he was around, he made sure you lived like royalty. You aren't allowed to lift a finger on his watch.
"Mihya, can you please just sit down for a moment? You just came home from practice remember?"
As always, he'd ignore you. "I'm only making dinner. No big deal."
"We can have our food delivered, so you can rest. Y'know?"
"And have you eat junk like fast food? No thanks," he retorts. Truthfully, as much as he cared about your health, he actually wanted to cook because it would be faster than waiting for a delivery. It had been hours since his last meal. It was often like that when he had practice. Time flies and eating becomes an after thought. But he never tells you that; he never wants you to worry about him.
You grumble. "Please, Mihya? I'll order us some food and you come here and cuddle with me instead."
You drive a hard bargain, he thought. Food can wait. He shuffled towards you on the sofa and plopped right beside you. His tattooed arm drapes over you in an instant.
You smile, knowing the hold you had over him.
Even with the bags under his eyes, he was still so handsome. Cupping his face, you caressed his cheek with your thumb. "Have you been sleeping well? Look at these bags."
He offers a lopsided smile in return. "If you think I'm ugly just say so."
You giggle at his dramatics. "You are literally the most beautiful man I've laid eyes upon," you say while pinching his cheek. "But seriously, are you getting enough sleep? You work too hard sometimes." He sighs, leaning into your touch. He brings up his hand to hold yours. "I get to sleep beside you later no? That's all that matters to me, love."
Tell me, is something wrong? If something's wrong, you can count on me You know I'll take my heart clean apart If it helps yours beat
If there's one thing in the world he hates more than himself, it was to see you in pain. Your tears were his kryptonite. Part of him hated to see you cry because he loved you too much. But another hated it because it reminded him of all the times he would cry when he was younger.
Hot salty tears triggered him; it stirred unwanted emotions within him. But he had to suck it up whenever you needed a shoulder to cry on. One of you had to stay strong and he'd gladly be the one to fill in the role.
He'd hold you—cradle you until everything was alright again. "Shhh, it's alright I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
Kaiser had you in his arms. His grasp was as gentle as his words. It soothed you. Even if your eyes were swollen and muddled with tears, you could still see the pain in his eyes. It tugged at your heart knowing he felt so deeply for you. You'd go on a tangent about how cruel and unfair the world is—and he would agree. He had many things to say as well, but he had to put you first.
You'd cry and cry until you can't anymore. Exhaustion takes over and you simply pass out on his bed, unaware of the inner turmoil brewing inside of him. Kaiser sat beside you, weary face buried in his calloused palms. He wanted to cry as well.
But he couldn't because then you'd wake up.
It's okay if you can't find the words Let me take your coat And this weight off of your shoulders
You were the luckiest person in the world. Kaiser was everything—handsome, talented, financially stable, loving, and secure. At least... that's what you thought.
It wasn't your fault that he had an ongoing battle in his mind. If you knew, no doubt that you would help him. But he made sure to leave you disillusioned with his well-crafted facade.
When he's with you, he's all smiles. He's always strong enough for the both of you. When you're down—he's there to lift you up. And when you're at your highest—he's just right behind you, cheering you on.
He only wallows in his self-pity when he's alone—when you're far away from him. He couldn't bear the idea of you finding out how weak he truly was. He was scared that one day you'll realize what piece of trash he is for lying to you all this time.
Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you with every Single thing I have
"Love, what do you want for your birthday?" You hum, tapping a finger on your chin as if to show him you were thinking hard. After a while, you come up with your answer.
"I just want you. That's all." His eyes widen for moment, but he quickly composes himself. He knew you were a simple person, but he expected something material... something of value. To think you'd settle for something so little was preposterous.
"That's all? You don't want a necklace or?"
Then your eyes light up. Ah... there it was. He got his hopes up too early. Of course, you want something expensive—something nice that actually had value and—
"How about we make those friendship bracelets? Y'know like we could DIY them with our own beads then make each other a bracelet? Can weeee?"
"For your birthday?" he asked quizzically. Kaiser was taken aback. What about the necklace? Were you really that easy to please? "Yes, for my birthday. I mean... we could go out to dinner or something. I'm fine with anything as long as you're there." He falls silent. Kaiser had never felt this before... the feeling of being needed. He knows he probably looks like an idiot, staring at you like he had seen a ghost. But he couldn't help it. His heart was throbbing and that was the only thing he could focus on.
Your expression drops as soon as you see his blank stare. "Hey... I mean, if bracelets aren't your thing then—" He cuts you off with a hug. It took you a while to reciprocate because it came out of nowhere. Sure, he hugs you all the time, but this hug in particular felt heavy—like it had some meaning behind it.
"Mihya? Are you okay?" you ask, wrapping your arms around him in response. And he'd hold you tighter. He'd screw his eyes shut, savoring your warmth as if it was only temporary. "Let's do those bracelets... just tell me where we can buy the beads."
He would gladly buy every single kind and more. He'd give you everything... everything that he could.
Like a tidal wave, we'll make a mess Or calm waters, if that serves you best I will love you without any strings attached
You liked to repay him in little ways. Of course, you weren't required to do so, but you wanted to. It felt like a crime to not give back to the overwhelming love that he offers up to you.
That's why you found yourself in his kitchen at 10 in the evening, hunched over on the counter and eyeing the sorry excuse of a cake you just made.
He had recently won a practice match. It wasn't anything major, but you made it a point to celebrate every single achievement of his. However, it was the first time you attempted to bake something for him. You had envisioned for him to come home from practice and be greeted by a freshly baked chocolate cake.
But you messed it up. Somehow, it ended up both undercooked and overcooked. It was impressive in its own right.
You wanted to start over from scratch, but he was already on his way home. In fact, you were so absorbed in your failure that you missed the sound of the door opening and closing.
"Love? Where are you? I smell something burnt..."
He pokes his head into the kitchen and finds you slumped over with a brown lump on a plate in front of you. He walks over to you and rubs your back comfortingly.
"I wanted to make a cake, but... it looks like shit."
He laughs. "What for?"
Your sad eyes met his amused expression, arms instinctively wrapping around him. You were embarrassed by your subpar baking skills that you had to hide your face from him. "The practice match you won yesterday." His chest booms with laughter and he brings a hand to gently caress your hair. "It's alright, love. I appreciate the gesture." Peeling away from him, you couldn't help but look at the cake with disdain. "Yeah, but it's inedible."
Kaiser raises an eyebrow at you. He picks up the fork nearby and takes a piece of the cake. It was gooier than what you expected. "Hey! Don't eat it!" But it was too late, he had shoved the piece in his mouth and was already chewing. You watched in horror as he swallowed what might be undercooked batter.
"Tastes like cake to me." Your jaw drops. "You could've eaten the cooked part you know?" "Heh, where is the cooked part you speak of?" You pretended to be offended. There probably wasn't any perfectly cooked parts on this cake, but he didn't have to rub it in your face like that.
But you both laughed it off. You spent that night with him chatting over your poor chocolate cake. Kaiser was just happy that you went out of your way to do something for him. Truly, he didn't need anything in return. He loved you because... that's what he thinks he was made for.
The cake was shit, but for some reason it tasted so good when he ate it with you.
It's okay if you can't catch your breath You can take the oxygen straight Out of my own chest
As perfect as you deem your relationship to be, of course, there were misunderstandings here and there. They were usually fixed with a simple "sorry" and a warm hug.
But this time was different. It was a full blown fight. Perhaps both of you were tired and frustrated. Neither of you even noticed it had turned into a shouting match—not until Kaiser felt a familiar and haunting pang in his chest.
Images of his father crossed his mind. He was reminded of the hurtful things the old man hurled at him. Suddenly, he lost the will to fight back. It wasn't long before you noticed the shift in the atmosphere.
Silence enveloped the both of you as you stood apart from each other. You had never seen this expression on his face before. As much as he hated vulnerability, he croaked out words faster than he could realize.
"Please don't leave me."
It was soft enough that if it were any lower, you probably would have missed it. You were frozen in place. You were fighting, but it had never occurred to you the desire to leave him. Why would he say such a thing?
"Mihya?" You cautiously walked towards him and took his hands in yours. "I never thought about leaving you." He focused on the way your thumbs brushed over his knuckles. It was foreign to him—how he could be shouted at and comforted right after.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to think that way," you apologized.
Then... a tear rolled down his cheek. You swore your heart fell to your stomach. Kaiser had never cried in front of you before.
"Mihya? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I promise I'm not going to leave you..."
Your hands let go of his to hold on to his arms instead. "Please talk to me..."
He tried to hide his frown by lowering his head, but his sorrow was palpable. "You promise?"
"I swear on my life."
Your promise only served to coax more tears out of him. As much as he hated his current display of emotions—he couldn't avoid it. The warmth, the happiness, and the security you offer up to him was too much to bear.
He used to think he wasn't deserving of anything close to love, but here you were—proving him wrong time and time again. Maybe... just maybe... he did actually deserve it.
His dream of being loved could become true after all.
I know exactly how the rule goes: Put my mask on first No, I don't want to talk about myself Tell me where it hurts
After that particular fight, you became more observant of him. You felt stupid that you didn't notice his pain sooner. He was too good at concealing his true feelings that you were fooled into thinking that he was okay. But he really wasn't.
However, you knew better than to force it out of him. Slowly but surely, you tried to help him open up to you. But your efforts were futile. He'd always wave it off and smile at you. It was the same smile that had tricked you in the past.
"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"What about you, love? Have you been taking care of yourself?"
"Don't mind me. I'm strong, right?"
But Kaiser was a liar and you knew. He wasn't fine and he wasn't as strong as he made himself out to be. You both had your own pains, but you wanted both of you to overcome them together.
A frown crossed your face whenever he dismissed your worries, but you knew better than to force it out of him. All you could do is wipe the frown off your face and etch a small smile instead.
One day... one day he'll tell it all to you—when he isn't scared anymore.
I just want to build you up, build you up 'Til you're good as new And maybe one day I will get Around to fixing myself too
Kaiser thought he was suffocating. But wasn't he asleep? Ah... he was dreaming. There were times when he applauded his mind for being so excellently vivid at imagining the field. He was a master of metavision after all. But this cursed ability made his dreams feel all too real.
The hands that gripped his neck felt far too tangible, like there were fingers constricting his air flow. And those eyes... those eyes that detested him like he was nothing more than trash. The hatred was so conspicuous that it made him sweat in a fully airconditioned room.
After struggling for what seemed like forever, Kaiser snapped out of it. He sat up in bed and looked around. As expected, he was met with darkness; the faint light filtering through the window barely illuminated his bedroom. Frantically, he looked to the side and was pacified momentarily by the sight of you sleeping peacefully next to him.
You had rolled over to the farthest side of the bed, unaware of what was happening to him. Kaiser pulled his knees towards him, resting his elbows on the peaks and burying his face in his palms. He desperately wanted to calm down his racing heartbeat.
Why did he have to infiltrate his dreams? Didn't he torment him enough already? What did he do in his past life that made him deserve this kind of torture? Why?
Why?
Too caught up in his thoughts, Kaiser hadn't noticed the way you stirred in your sleep or how you had noticed that he was awake. Before he knew it, arms had snaked around his waist.
"Why are you still awake?"
You were still groggy, so perhaps you didn't notice the distress written all over his face. But you squeezed him tighter. Your instincts told you that he needed it. And he needed it badly.
"Come back to bed. I'll hold you."
He does what he was told. You slowly pulled him back into bed with you, never letting him go. You scoot closer to him as humanly possible. Kaiser didn't mind that you left no space between the two of you. If he was going to be suffocated, it might as well be by your embrace.
"Did you have a nightmare?"
He felt your breath fan against the warm skin of his neck. Your lips lightly brushed the sensitive skin as you spoke. He reached up to caress your arm, trying to reciprocate the affection you were giving him.
He only hummed in response, not wanting to elaborate further. You were sleepy as it is; there was no need for him to snap you out of your rest for his sake.
"I'll be fine... I have you with me." That's right, he thought. He had you. Everything would be fine if he had you.
Kaiser still had lingering feelings of pain inflicted by the violent hands and the hateful scrutiny of his father. But he hoped that one day you'd wash those feelings away. Kaiser hoped that your gentle touches and loving gaze would make him anew.
Somehow, maybe, you could fix the disaster that was Michael Kaiser.
I don't even know where to start Already tired of trying to recall When it all fell apart
He knew it was wrong to rely solely on you. Happiness came from loving oneself—they say. But it was impossible. Every time he let himself alone with his thoughts it would always make him spiral.
Kaiser watched from the marble counter as you swayed your hips to the funky music that played in the kitchen. You were cooking some fancy dish that he forgot the name of.
As you observed every movement you made, he slowly started to entertain the idea of finally opening up to you. But, as always, the same thoughts hindered him.
What if you look at him differently? What if it pushes you away? What if you realize that maybe his father was right?
It was unlikely, but not impossible—at least that's what his mind would say. But then he was reminded of your face. He could melt whenever he recalled the soft expression on your face as you told him you'd always be there for him.
So... maybe...
"Hey."
You turn around at his call. "What's up?"
He gulps. This is it. "Can we talk after dinner? I have something I want to tell you."
You almost dropped your spatula. "Is it bad? Because if it's bad I won't be able to eat a bite of what I made."
He chuckled. Typical you.
"Don't worry. I just want to tell you a story."
I just want to love you, to love you To love you well just want to learn how, somehow To be loved myself
You were never this engrossed in a story before. No words escaped your mouth. Instead, you nodded along with every word he spoke. You could tell that he was trying his utmost best to keep a neutral face, but your heart broke knowing how caged he must have felt.
He poured his heart out. Kaiser was still scared, that much was true. But he was a point of no return. You already knew much of it, so what was the point of hiding any of his remaining emotions?
He bared it all for you, not missing a detail. He wanted you—desperately wanted you—to understand what he struggled with. He figured that if you did, maybe he'd finally find peace in himself knowing that the person he loves still accepts him despite his faults.
I will love you without any strings attached And what a privilege it is to love A great honor to hold you up
When he exhausted himself of every tidbit of his life, he stared at you and your dumbfounded expression. You had so much to say to him, but at the same time, you didn't know what to say. You wanted to mutter anything—literally anything to at least let him know that you were listening.
"I love you, Mihya."
You blurted out the first thing that came to mind. But really, it was the only thing on your mind. Everything that you wanted to say—the comforting words, the advice—everything boiled down to those 4 words.
He was a troubled man, that much you knew. You weren't ignorant of his attitude when you weren't around. And you knew that he was always keeping some part of himself hidden even from you. Just like him, you felt a weight lift off your shoulders.
Kaiser finally trusted you enough with this. And now you understood why he was such a selfless lover. He valued you so much to the point that he thought you were the best thing he would ever have in his lifetime and he would be a massive idiot to let you go.
He did everything in his power to make you happy and to make you feel loved.
So, wouldn't it be right for you to do the same?
You smile and take his shaking hands in yours. A beautiful promise falls from your lips:
"And I will love you with every single thing I have."
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Δ( Δ ˙³˙)ɜ ïœĄÂ° ⚬ ïœĄ likes and reblogs are appreciated
pls do not translate/copy/reupload my work on other platforms
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hotvintagepoll · 7 months ago
Note
Do you have any opinions on modern (post-1970s) movies that you feel capture the essence (in a good way) of Old Movies?
No, unfortunately. That doesn't mean I don't like modern movies or that modern movies aren't good, but modern movies—and here I'm really using modern to mean post-2010, so contemporary movies—have different standards for pacing, characterization, budget, and production that make it harder (or impossible) to capture some of the magic of old movies. Even when modern movies clearly try to emulate that old-movie feeling—I'm thinking of La La Land, The Artist, The Shape of Water, In the Heights—they play the homage too broadly, or they ignore crucial components that make the original films work.
There's kind of too much to go into here without writing a full essay, but essentially, the Old Hollywood system—ugly, failed beast as she was—made some movies simply more accessible to make, due to the ongoing storage of props, sets, master craftsmen, crew, and onscreen talent that could move from one movie to the next without pause. If you needed a dancer, he was already on staff. If you needed a fancy bed, it was already in the warehouse. That kind of longterm storage is invaluable if you want to crank out movies quickly and cheaply because it saves so much time on individual negotiation and sourcing. Modern production companies have to work out individual contracts for every actor on every film; crew members have to negotiate rental contracts and source pieces from scratch; if you need someone with specialist skills, you have to contract them specially at a high rate, which a lot of small companies can't (or won't) budget to do. There's sand in the wheels where there needn't be any. It's wasteful, and costly, but that's the system modern movies are made with.
Which all means that even if the modern movie system wanted to make a classic movie musical just like the old ones, they couldn't, because the talent isn't already there—it hasn't been trained up enough, and there's not that breadth of knowledge you can only get from people who have been allowed to work in the same department in the same place for decades. Movies like La La Land fail, for me, because they present themselves as descendants of Fred Astaire or Busby Berkley movies, while missing the bit where Fred Astaire was a master of his craft. When you watch Fred Astaire dance—or Moira Shearer, or the Nicholas Brothers, or Ann Miller—you are watching a true artist at work, purposely showcased by the studios because they already have them on contract. Modern movies, on the other hand, tend to take people who already have star talent (as actors) and try to convert them into dancers/singers—or they pull dancers/singers off of Broadway, but then they don't have the star power built in. You end up with lackluster musicals where no one truly knows what they're doing, or they do but they're not built up enough by the studios to sell. And that's me discussing just on-screen talent for musicals—there is a huge loss behind the scenes, as well, for all kinds of movies, where roles that would have been filled by union crew who moved continuously from one job to the next have been swapped for freelance labor who live with immense turnover, financial insecurity, and knowledge loss. You could hand me the budget and I could try to make an old movie, but the industry itself has changed so much it's impossible to recapture that charm of steady, niche talent, the amazing possibilities of bonkers set design, and the ability to take a risk on a smaller movie because the other films being produced by the same studio can help balance the budget.
I've talked way, way too much about all of this! Sorry, I just have a lot of thoughts—and the one above is just one of them; the talent loss and storage issues are only facets of a much bigger problem that extends to how we watch movies today, how we market them, what we expect of them, and what's allowed in them. It's a crying shame because the talent is still there, but times change and so does the industry, for better or for worse. (And, just again to clarify, I don't think modern movies are bad—they're just missing a lot of the juice old movies got to play with, even if there's more talent available than ever before.)
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astralis-ortus · 6 months ago
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ways to say 'i love you'
✱ a bang chan headcanon
— an awkward phrase for him, so he resorts to showing his affection instead.
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w.count → 0.6k genre → fluff. pure fluff because i miss him :( warnings → very minor cussing (is saying ass includes as cussing?), just very domestic chan thingy a.n → again, i'm in my 'missing chan' hours and writing this at 2 in the morning was hopefully enough to lessen some of that feeling (it was not)(also this is absolutely not proofread)(who has the right mind to proofread at 2am AND after a crying sesh?) ⋆ see masterlist
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chan’s a busy man—but it was never a problem for him to make time for you.
be it on the days where his schedules were dictated down to the second, or even worse—when he’s constantly away, for weeks on end, performing in cities where your days were the exact opposites of his nights, he would always make it a point that you know the thought of you never once leaves his mind.
captioned ‘was going on a stroll and came across this park, heh’ as he sent you a picture of him going on a swing, or ‘look at this giant ass churro!! hahah you’d definitely love it here’ when he went to an amusent park with his members on his day off, thousands of miles away from you. your gallery easily surpasses the tens of thousands count, and it’s all from the way chan remembers you in his mundane, everyday life.
chan would also make a connection between you and the small things around him.
his chunky chrome hearts beanie? yeah, it’s the one you said turned him into the wolfchan plushy he gifted you. his earbuds? oh, you stuck a glittery star shaped sticker on the case so you wouldn’t take the wrong one. his laptop? it still made him giggle when he remembered how panicked you were when he told you the thing wouldn’t turn on, only for him to then realize he just forgot to charge it (and he had to appease you from leaving him on read by promising to call as soon as his rehearsal ends).
even when everything is technically his, chan couldn’t help but leave traces of you in his memories of those things—because for him, everything is better with a touch of you in it.
chan loves taking care of you, but he can’t decide if he loves it more when you’re the one taking care of him.
don’t get him wrong—he’d still try very hard to be the dependable one in your relationship. it’s in his blood, he can’t help it... but what power does he have when you adorably said that you’ve been learning on how to take care of his curls, and how you wanted to try the products that just came in the mail earlier in the day. he’d have no choice but to obediently sit between your legs, taking glances of your furrowed brows through the mirror across while your fingers were busy making sure his hair finally turned into the glorious curls you’ve always longed it to be.
if by letting you take care of him made your eyes turn into the brightest constellation of stars he’s ever seen in his life, then he will forever allow you to take care of him.
also, let’s not forget how chan loves his dose of physical touch.
constantly being away never made the trips any easier for him. if any, the periods of actually being with you made it harder for him to ever leave. imagine going from constantly having your gentle body heat around him, to not having them for an extended period of time? lord, chan would give anything just to be able to feel the way your fingers absentmindedly trace figures on his palm while you were reading your books away, like that one night when you stubbornly decided to accompany his all-nighter attempt at his studio.
chan direly needs your touch—he direly needs you.
and after everything you’ve done for him,
after everything you’ve went through,
chan finally realizes that there’s one sure way to let you know that he loves you.
so the next time you sleepily said you think you’re going to bed,
or when you text him a random meme along with an ‘i miss you’  text on a regular thursday evening,
he’d make sure he didn’t forget to tell you the line
“i love you.”
© astralisortus, 2024. | likes and reblogs are highly appreciated♡
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jakesangel · 6 months ago
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jake helping you w heavy periods -requested
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heavy periods isn't something funny. cramp pains on the lower side of your belly, so heavy they will even spread to your lower back and thighs. on the worst days, the discomfort even interferes in daily activities. but since dating jake he wouldnt leave you alone in this : being with jake, means being supported 100% at all times. at first he didn't get it tho : seeing you suddenly in pain and in some kind of mood he wasn't used to it, he would freaked out, thinking your mad at him. are you okay, baby ? did i do something wrong ? he'd pout to you, not understanding at first on your sudden change. after explaining him you current condition, he'd be relived to know you aren't mad at him but he'll still be sad to be helpless. he would be extra cuddly, rubbing your skin where he thinks would help you, or kissing those places. he would also be more soft on you, understanding that your mood swings are coming from your hormones n you are'nt purely mad at him
after that jake would never be unprepared again. he had bought heat pack for you lower body pains, snacks, pads or tampon of different size, n kept all of those in a designed place for you in his bedroom. jake would never leave his angel in pain alone, so either you're at his dorm or your own place, he will come to you w those product to help. you also don't need him to tell him when you get your periods, as he would track them thanks to phone apps. he won't tell you tho, he will just be extra caring on those days, leaving you comforting and supportive text messages and bringing you your favorite food and snacks on those days. he would even buy you a special plushie, he'd ask you to hug when he isn't there for you, dressing it w your fav shirt of his and spraying his perfume on it.
but one the days he is finishes his schedule earlier, he will come to you, without forgetting to bring the products he bought especially for those days. he would text you before coming over , telling you that he will use the emergency keys of your apartment. once arrived, he will super soft for you : he would become your legs and your arms, holding you in his arm, bridal style, because you are his princess, if you need to go to the toilet. he wouldn't hold you without making you laugh, dramatically playing like a knight, trying to make you forget about your current pain. i'm afraid that won't be possible, princess y/n, he'd say taking your body in his, me as your knight in armor, wouldn't less such princess use her feet in such situation, he would add, taking you to your bathroom. he would also make sure to keep the heat pack, warm on your body and his hands soothing your lower back, soothing you.
if your cramps are terrible, he would pout at your sight, feeling helpless is an awful feeling form him specially where youre the one in need of help. he will remain by your side tho, actively looking for pills against periods pains n would bring them along your snacks. he would then kiss you as a reward to be this strong for taking the médecine but also enduring this pain every month. you're so strong baby, i could never do it, hed say kissing your temple. or if your mood isn't the best, he will endure them and not make you feel invalid. oh baby why are you crying, he'd hold your face w both of his hands holding your cheeks, the movie is this munch for you right now, no ? he would then add, swiping away your tears. lets put something less emotional, m'okay baby ?, he'd finish, softly kissing you, adorationn spreading out of his body.
notes : hai anon here is ur request >< i wasnt so sure of what you wanted so i tried to stay general, tho i hope it still pleases you >< please lemme kno in the inbox !! i also hope youre done w ur periods <3
@imaluckygirl @luvj4key @stwrjvke @goldenretrieverjakezgirlbaby @jaeyunpinkyring @pockettwinzz @jwsdoll @heeheeswifey
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acid-ixx · 4 months ago
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Dear author,
I love your batfam series SO MUCH. I like the way you describe the feelings, how you use the words, how the depression of Y/N was shown, and the thinking of Batfam when they realize that Y/N had been heavily neglectful. Every time I read this series again, I still feel the hurtful of it and it actually makes me cry a lot T.T. And I love that feeling. And the series makes me want to draw, even though I’m not good at drawing.
The first panel, I draw Y/N in my thoughts ( sorry if you feel uncomfortable) and Conner. This one is inspired from a manga called “ Veil”.
The second one, I draw some scenes from chapter 3 (I tried to draw the ways Y/N calmed themselves down, but I couldn’t 😭).
From your series, I’ve thought about ABO au, where Y/N is a beta, they can’t be marked ; so the yanderes ( romantic one) are more yandere, because they know that Y/N never belong to anyone.
Last thing to say, I VERY VERY VERY LOVE your batfam series and this is one of the greatest fics of Batfam I’ve ever read. I also very admire your hardworking and your inspiration about this series. But I hope that you also stay healthy because I saw that you’re very productive ( how you can write so fast but still focus on the details TvT). No words can reveal the love in my heart to your series.
Sorry if I either bother you or my bad grammar ( English not my native language, this is also the first time I do this ). Thank you so much because spending your time reading this piece of mine. I just want to express my feelings and thoughts about your fic. Hope you have a good day!!!<333333
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— masterlist !
a/n: the topic of a/b/o is written under this post. anyways, this comic panel is so absolutely brilliant and breathtaking omg... i love all the thoughts u have compiled here and i'm so sorry I wasn't able to reply to this quick enough 😭 but i appreciate this sm !! "even tho im not good at drawing" YET U SENT ME THIS !! i absolutely love everything about this don't say ur not good at drawing bec u are 😡
so like i said, don't be sorry if u draw the reader as female bec i portrayed them as gn so anyone can interpret them as any gender and it doesn't make me uncomfortable at all as long as i'm the one not being misgendered. anyways, veil is actually one of my fave mangas and if u ask me, i could say your relationship with conner is pretty much akin to that of veil's! which means conner is very touchy-feely with you and is uncaring of their status as a wayne and would rather... have you take his last name very soon, if you know what i mean hehe.
the second scene is absolutely heartbreaking even for me, especially the panel where your mom tries to comfort you by telling you it's all alright made my heart ache real badly because that's probably the last time you have experienced; the love of a parent that's soon taken away from you. your mom's last words would be reassurance, one that both comforts and disturbs you as the memory repeats itself over and over in you head like a broken record </3
and the abo au, for me personally (tho i never have written for it) is just going to threaten more angst with your family because not even your pack is willing to take you in and care for you. despite your hopes due to being a beta unlike your family who are comprised of strong alphas and resilient omegas, you are merely average in their eyes probably, average enough to be forgotten and discarded by a pack you had thought would take you in for you must be a misfit just like them.
yet despite the pain you had to endure for feeling unloved as a beta, it would also deepen your potential with conner as your love interest because although you could never be claimed by any past sweethearts, conner would always, and i mean always make a show that he loves you in a deeper, more symbolical way. he may not be able to mark you as your alpha, but a ring and an always protective hold on your waist paired with his scent and pheromones engraved into every piece of your clothing is enough to tell everyone to "fuck off, this one's mine."
and tysm for loving my fanfic 😭 even tho i have written it impulsively, look where it got now !! yes i am very productive but this is a mere product of my attention span and hyperfixations towards the dc storyline and no my health is very bad but trust me it's not from writing, it's more from me just being very ill every single day but im trying to take care of myself <33
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peppermintquartz · 1 month ago
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"What do you mean, a dance party? You mean, everyone actually danced?"
Buck places the forks and knives down in the sink and pulls on the rubber gloves for washing up. He still feels a little nauseous thinking about that moment, if he has to be entirely honest with himself, but he also knows how Tommy feels about Gerrard, so he just shrugs and nods. "Yeah. Hen's first order as acting captain, in fact. I guess they just really needed to cut loose."
It's a weighted lack of response behind him. Tommy spritzes the table and wipes it down, puts away the cleaning products and tosses the dishcloth onto the counter. Buck focuses on suds.
Then he feels Tommy's arms go around his waist and a soft kiss to the back of his neck, and a tension he didn't realize was there dissipates. It's not a flirtatious sort of intimacy that Tommy is initiating, however. Just a physical closeness.
"You know I don't like that old bastard," Tommy says quietly, "and I need you to keep that in mind, because I'm gonna say something that might annoy you."
"Um. Okay? Can it wait?"
"If I have to look at you when I say it, I might say something worse."
That sounds worrying. Buck takes a deep breath and stops washing the plates. "Alright."
"I'm so mad at Hen and Eddie and Howie right now, and I wish you had snapped at them," Tommy murmurs. "It was unprofessional of Hen, too."
"Babe-"
"I'm not done. I've heard him go off on guys before. Hell, I've been the guy on the firing line. And I know, I know I was a coward, I know I used to be the guy who kept his head down and I know I was the guy who was relieved when it wasn't me. Because that was how we used to survive, pushing another forward to take the heat. But he left, and the 118 became better. And then he came back, and I was afraid for you. For all of you. But I thought, well, even if he's running the 118 now, you guys have each other's backs." Tommy's embrace tightens subtly. "I don't like that none of them had your back."
Buck breathes out shakily. "They do, Tommy. They keep telling me to not talk back, to just leave him be. I was just the one who couldn't. A-and I just... I was lucky today. I could've lost my job because I wasn't able to..."
"Did you want to hurt him?"
Buck bites his lower lip. He takes a long moment to collect his thoughts. "I wanted him to shut up." He shuts his eyes and shakes his head. "If my timing had been off, if that saw had been a second faster... Tommy. I could've killed him."
Tommy holds him as shudders racked through his big frame. "You didn't, you didn't. Baby, you didn't."
"I could've," Buck repeats. "And no one... None of them, none of them were listening to me, they didn't wanna hear- Eddie was just. He. He said I saved him, and I told him I was just trying to hit him, and they were so happy and I was so scared-"
He isn't going to cry, not over fucking Gerrard, but there's a helplessness that's bubbling to the surface. It's a minor issue, compared to all that had happened, especially with that plane landing. His heart was in his throat almost the entire time until everything settled down.
"You're not wrong to have been scared," Tommy says fiercely, protectively. "You're a good man, Evan Buckley. And I know that you wouldn't have wanted to hurt him, even though he more than deserves it." Another moment, another kiss to the back of Buck's neck. "I don't want you to have to bear any guilt. You did save him. And they were being way too flippant and dickish about all of it."
And today Buck saw first-hand the level of trust Bobby has in Athena, and the fear Bobby hides under all of that confidence. He sees it now more clearly than ever, because he has Tommy, who is holding him and supporting him for a moment that bothers Buck more than it bothers anyone else.
"I'll get past it," he says aloud. He leans back into Tommy and sighs. "Thanks."
"Tell me I shouldn't call Eddie to tell him off. Or Howie. Or Hen, for unprofessional behavior."
"Don't call Eddie to tell him off." Buck smiles and turns to press a kiss to Tommy's cheek. "Or Howie or Hen. They're all stressed. They needed that moment."
Tommy huffs. "You're a better man than I am."
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