#and i try really hard to write conflict scenarios from a character perspective without my own biases filtering in

[aihoshiino]

Thanks for translating Rie’s interview, I loved reading it but one part stood out to me. Although I can say I agreed with the rest of it, I believe at some point Rie said that if it wasn’t for the stabbing, Ai wouldn’t have ever been able to say “I love you.” Though I do agree that it would have taken her longer to say it without that kind of “it’s now or never” urgency, I like to imagine that eventually Ai does end up saying it. So I’d love to hear your thoughts, if you believe Ai would eventually say “I love you” to Aqua and Ruby, and when/what non-lethal circumstances would set the stage for that?

Glad you enjoyed it!

I've always been of the same mind as Takahashi in that it's really hard for me to imagine Ai saying an 'I love you' for the first time without some big emotional catalyst. Both because this is such a huge mental roadblock for Ai as a character but also just from a narrative perspective, that confession of love is her character arc - the prologue arc as a whole is the words "Aqua, Ruby, I love you". So I think for me, I would want those words to come from a similar place of catharsis as they do in canon, even without a similarly intense setup.

I have one scenario for it in mind but it's, uh, technically also spoilers for one of my in progress OnK fics so I'll keep it under my hat for now. All I'll say in that regard is that the foundation of Ai's issues regarding love all come back to her relationship with Ayumi, so I defo think putting her in a situation where she can work on/through some of that baggage would get her in a good place to try saying it.

I DID once manage to get her to say it in an ongoing RP au in a way that really satisfied me too… it took a very long time in-universe lol but it was basically the end result of two people very slowly inching towards falling in love with each other and Ai taking a chance to open up about her insecurities and the parts of herself she hides - her 'dirty, rough edges' as she puts it in 45510 - and being met with unconditional acceptance the way she's always wanted it. That was really interesting to write because I'd always felt kind of conflicted about the idea of her saying a truthful "I love you" to anyone else before Aqua and Ruby, but in that particular context & with that build up, I was like "oh, of course she would say it". It was actually literally the first time she'd ever said a 'I love you' since I'd started writing her because I'm intentionally super picky about dropping that for hopefully self explanatory reasons so getting to write it for the first time ever was so good…

[greenhikingboots]

Ship Game. Answer with a GIF. No repeats. 1. First Ship I thought long and hard about it, and I think my first ship must have been Mulan and Li from Disney’s Mulan. The movie came out when I was just old enough to start thinking critically about movies, noticing what I liked and didn’t like. And I realized I really, really liked Mulan and Li as individual characters, but I didn’t like that we didn’t get to see them fall in love — just the spark of something starting at the end of the movie. I think it was the first time I daydreamed about different scenarios that could have played out between them, which is basically the foundation of fanfiction, right? So…. count it!

2. First OTP This has to be Draco and Hermione (Dramione) from Harry Potter. This is the ship that got me into reading fanfiction and actually engaging in fandom spaces. Unfinished fics still haunt my Google Docs, and I hope one day I’m going to come back to this ship and finish them. Basically, I love thinking about Draco’s possible redemption arc and I love that a relationship with Hermione helps explore and enhance it. Oh, and the angst!

3. Current Favorite Sydney and Carmen from The Bear. It took until the end of the most recent season for the appeal to sink in, and I’d like to see more positive moments between them before romantic feelings solidify. But I think they’ve got a great foundation. Plenty of conflict, sure, but relationship experts say the frequency of conflicts and the subject matter of conflicts aren’t what indicate success in relationships. It’s all about how conflicts are repaired. And I LOVE the way they do repairs together. So vulnerable. So willing to accept responsibility and try to change. Looking forward to their development in future seasons.

4. Shipped From the First Minute Josh and Donna from The West Wing. I watched this show way after it ended and found myself just wanting more and more of them. Like, they could have been the main characters instead of having an ensemble cast and I would have been perfectly content. Playful banter right off the bat. She keeps him in line. He’d be lost without her. They’re both smitten but dammit they work at the White House and that means they have to keep things professional. The pining! Do yourself a favor and go watch YouTube videos of just them. You won’t regret it.

5. Wish They’d Been Endgame I’m putting Jon and Sansa (Jonsa) here so that I have a sensible spot left for other ships. I do believe they’ll be endgame in the books, if we ever get them, so this answer is for Game of Thrones specifically. We’ve all read, reblogged, and probably written a few of our own posts about how many different ways the show went sideways. I have nothing new to say here and to recap previous thoughts would take way too many paragraphs. Jon, Sansa, and the Stark legacy all deserved so much better. That’s the short of it.

6. Wish They’d Been Canon As some other answers hint at, I typically empathize with writers’ choices even if they don’t fit my personal preference. So it was hard to think of a couple that wasn’t canon but I truly thought should have been from a cohesive narrative perspective. Maybe Caleb and Maeve from Westworld? This show went more and more off the rails with each season, so a lot more than ship dynamics would have to change to redeem it in my opinion. And I definitely wouldn’t want Caleb to have been unfaithful to his wife. But they showed us such a stronger bond between him and his daughter and between him and Maeve compared to him and his wife that, like…. maybe his wife shouldn’t have even been a character? Write her out completely, as early as possible? And then that strong partnership between Caleb and Maeve could have been something even more? Yep, that would have been better.

7. You Like But Most of Fandom Hates Do people *hate* Jacob and Bella (Jella) from Twilight? I don’t know, but I like it 100 times more than Bella and Edward, and I think that’s probably pretty uncommon. Actually, in my college public speaking class, we had an assignment where we had to have a partner and write persuasive speeches from opposing views. And I was like, “Who wants to be my partner and have fun with this by debating Twilight ships?” I compared Jella against serious research about successful relationships and ACED IT. My instructor liked my speech so much she asked me to give it a second time to another class she taught while she recorded it. I would pay money to be able to track down a copy of that. A+ work.

8. Don’t Even Watch But Ship Them Anyway Eddie and Chrissy (HellCheer) from Stranger Things. Opposites attract? Grumpy sunshine appearing but maybe not really? Outcast boy and popular girl? A ship name that isn’t about their names? DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE? What’s not to love, you know? Plus, this ship’s fans make amazing art! And if I remember correctly, it loosely inspired a Jonsa AU fic I really enjoyed, lounge act.

9. Wish They’d Had a Different Storyline Stefan and Caroline (Steroline) from the Vampire Diaries. I’ve only dabbled in this fandom, but it seems like Klaus and Caroline (Klaroline) is a much more popular ship. They had great chemistry, so I get the appeal. But the surface-level unrequited crush to reluctant mentor/mentee to genuine friends to platonic soulmates to lovers slow burn of Steroline is just chef's kiss. But then — spoiler alert — right after they get married, Stefan sacrifices himself so his brother and ex-girlfriend can be together? From a writer’s perspective, I get that ending. Full circle, brotherly love, blah blah blah. But I liked Stefan and Caroline so much more than Damon and Elena and would have rather seen the former couple get the happy ending.

10. Favorite that was Endgame Coach Eric Taylor and his wife Tami Taylor from Friday Night Lights. Do they count? They were together the entire series and had few serious marital conflicts. So there was never any threat of being something other than endgame. But I’m picking them anyway. I love their classic bickering like an old married couple and the way they still lust for each other after so many years. And I love, love, love that the series finale ended with them making a move that was more for her career than his. Relationship goals.

[kaseyskat]

teeny snippet of my doodler-normal and sparrow fic: I haven't actually decided if I wanted to end it where I did or if I wanna expand, but it's 2k and will be put on AO3 tomorrow nevertheless! I just wanna build/gauge interest ahaha

[nox-artemis]

Kentaro Miura

It took me awhile to get my thoughts in order. Honestly, as well intentioned as they are, a constant stream of fan tributes on Twitter and Tumblr more-or-less telling me how to process “The End” of Berserk with Miura’s death didn’t do a lot to console me, so I had to take some huge steps away from social media and only conversed my feelings with my other close Berserk fan-friends.

It was very surreal waking up yesterday morning to a friend messaging me simply saying, “did you hear the news?” When shit like that happens, I go onto my Google stories app and scroll through. I didn’t find anything really worth getting too upset over (maybe a bit sad that Queen Elizabeth II’s doggo died?) so it hit me to check my Twitter feed instead.

And that’s when I saw it.

We all know death is inevitable, and life is pretty much spent prolonging the point to that inevitability as well as preparing ourselves for when it happens to us or someone close to us. Being part of the Berserk fandom was the only time we all collectively had this on our mind not only for someone else but for someone we never met or really knew that much about. We only knew Miura through his magnum opus – and that was good enough for us. And no matter how much we discussed the worst-case scenario – pondering how the story would continue and how WE would continue – it still wasn’t enough to prepare us for this amount of shock. Hearing Miura had died and that the Berserk we know and love under his direct supervision is over truly felt like losing a long-lost friend.

It wasn’t just that the Berserk we know of is “over”, but that Miura didn’t have to die. He was only 54: not a young age, but not an old age either, especially by today’s standards. He could have seen the end to his magnum opus the way he envisioned it, yet he died of something so avoidable but is only brought about by a great deal of stress (from what I’ve read). It was always a morbid open rumor that so many of Miura’s infamous hiatuses were actually mental and/or physical health breaks, so the older or more conscious of us fans, while always eager and anxious for a new chapter, learned to not take them so personally. Miura was a spellbinding artist and storyteller, but he was also a human with his own life and conflicts that he was entitled to address at his own pace. This isn’t meant to blame anyone (at the very least, maybe to address some societal/industry issues), but it’s troubling enough to remind everyone – as the story of Berserk has demonstrated – that you need to take care of yourself physically and mentally, and while everyone struggles in life, you don’t have to struggle alone.

I always despised this weird cult of youth that insinuates that life isn’t worth pursuing once you hit your mid-thirties, and how some people so engulfed in their youth insist that they wouldn’t mind dying by the age of 50 or 60. It’s a shame when people live by that because there’s so much to live for beyond your youth – as I’ve learned, I only started buckling down when I transitioned into my thirties. Miura could have had a longer life ahead of him, going beyond Berserk and into his other endeavors, professional and personal, but that will unfortunately never happen now.

Everyone knows I have a lot of thoughts and opinions on Berserk. Most of you found out about me through my blogging several years ago, and I’m pretty proud that I was never the sort of fan that groveled at Miura’s feet and treated Berserk as some untouchable holy book: there were things I disliked about Berserk and things that disappointed me about Miura’s writing, but there were SO MANY MORE THINGS that I loved about Berserk and was proud of Miura for, and I wished him to continue his advancement in narrative growth. He did so and we watched it happened.

And, by meeting so many friends and acquaintances through the fandom, we saw a lot in ourselves change too. It’s surreal how we always joked that it would be one of us fans who would die before Berserk ended or the worst-case scenario of Miura dying; maybe some of us secretly preferred for that happen. But when we weren’t waiting around for another chapter… look at how much we’ve done with our lives! We graduated high school, undergrad, grad school, started and advanced our careers, traveled the world, got together, popped out a kid or two!... And while we experienced a lot of downfalls and tragedies that coincide, can you believe how much we have accomplished together?

We were all personally inspired, motivated, persuaded by Berserk in different ways: a lot of us were inspired for the better and admittedly, some for the not-as-good (if spending countless hours on Tumblr has taught me, there were definitely some toxic fan takeaways that had to be confronted). I’m not going to go to the point of saying that I now live my life by Berserk’s philosophy to a T or live as a reflection of certain characters (because I’m pretty sure that Miura was trying to tell us to NOT live your life like some particular characters) but it certainly helped to brings some aspects of life and existence into perspective, through the lenses of so many characters. Berserk also inspired me to write more, an already favorite pastime of mine, and how I should go about writing and planning a story, taking cues from Berserk on how to and how NOT to write and approach things in my own way, which I think is for the best in the long run. I can only dream that I’ll be published someday – which doesn’t have to be a pipe dream because it’s still much more possible than impossible. And so many other have done the same, creating our own stories and works.

And OF COURSE Berserk inspired me to be a little bit badass from time to time in moments of frivolity and seriousness – but it reminds us all that being badass and being a kinder person who tries to become the best version of themselves are not mutually exclusive. We definitely need more of that in today’s world.

We all made our own little bonfires of dreams happen, and because of Berserk existing, there will be a lot more beginnings than endings, and I don’t see a lot of bonfires being extinguished anytime soon. Miura poured his heart and soul into Berserk and its characters, and while he has passed on, his characters and lessons will live on through us and everything we create and how we live our lives (hopefully for the better).

I was happy to share all of my thoughts with you all – and I’ll continue to do so, since the mythos of Berserk has been a major backdrop of my creative mind for over fifteen years now and there is still so much to dissect and speculate. Personally, I don’t see Berserk ending just yet, if only because I’d be surprised that Miura or his publisher didn’t have some Operation London Bridge type plan in place in the event that this happened (Berserk is, after all, a major title that most likely brings Young Animal a lot of revenue). Again, I never treated Miura or Berserk as divine untouchables, so if there are plans in place to continue Berserk without Miura (BUT with his permission) or just on how to wrap up the story to give it a fulfilling conclusion, I personally would be okay with it (as a friend of mine put it, it’d be more of a tribute than an imitation). Going beyond our lifetimes, works will continue to be interpreted and reinterpreted as they have since time immemorial; perhaps Berserk will reach that point someday.

Honestly, and many have thought so too, Berserk was also meant to be cosmic level in both scale and concept. The plot is so grand and Byzantine that, even under Miura’s direct supervision, I always had a hard time envisioning how a story of this scale would conclude. As much as we love to hate him, a final showdown between Guts and Griffith seems too simple, too “good vs. evil”-esque for Berserk. Maybe having a low-key, vague but optimistic and bittersweet wrap up is what is best for Guts, Casca, and their new-found family. But that’s just another one of my fan speculations.

Regardless or what is to become of Berserk now, I think it’s safe to give adulations. We all came across Berserk at different times in our lives and stuck with the story for different reasons. For some of us, it was just another series that our friend from the campus anime club recommended to us; for others, we were drawn in from a morbid curiosity of its dark notoriety in anime circles. A few of us read for the gratuitous violence and the clout (because we all know you’re so deep and hardcore [/sar]), but a lot more of us read for the journey and the characters that we became a part of. The heaviness of Berserk made us confront a lot of trauma and even relive our own. For some of us, understandably, it was not a good idea to dive deeper (and maybe somethings could have been handled better); for the rest of us, it helped us cope, if not entirely through the story itself, than through the support network we made for ourselves in this fandom and its many realms (some realms, I argue, are more caring and nurturing than others).

From time to time, I always wonder if I would ever “grow out” of Berserk. There were indeed several times I took a step away from fandom and have tried to reduce my exposure to the story - but I always came back in some way, because the essence of Berserk has never left me and never will. Humorously I envisioned myself actually forgetting about Berserk for several decades, decades in which I work at my career, raise my family, mourn my elders, but continue living my life, only to go on the future internet in my mid-50s to find out… Miura is STILL working on that ending, sitting at his desk in the same pose as that famous monochrome capture of him, only he’s grayed and wrinkled, like the great Miyazaki.

The possibility of that future is over, but there are so many others.

[neon-junkie]

Hey everyone,

This will be my final post addressing the fandom conflict that has quite frankly gotten out of hand. Although it’s very likely this post will be picked apart, no matter how well intended it is, I will no longer be addressing, interacting, or responding to any further accusations made against me. Of course, if people have questions from a genuine place of interest, I will be happy to clarify anything for you, either via DM’s or non-anon asks. I will not be answering anonymous asks on this, as I do not want anything else posted on this topic. 

As a side note: For anyone tempted to wade into the debate, I sincerely ask you not to get involved. Do not make yourself a target, do not feel you need to ‘pick a side’, and please do not think you have an obligation to reason with either side. It seems to be well past the point of that, so please find people you get along with in this fandom and curate a space for yourself away from all this conflict.

Warning: This post will contain uncensored slurs, mentions of racism, paedophilia, transphobia, LGBTQ+ phobia, death threats, threats of violence, targeted harassment, and abusive language.

To start off, I want to apologise to everyone who has somehow gotten drawn into this mess by either defending me, following me, or interacting with my content. This whole situation with me began well over a year ago when I wrote a crack-smut fic featuring Javier/Micah, posted back in August 2019. A crack fic is defined as “a work of fan fiction that is absurd, surprising or ridiculous, often intentionally.” It was inspired by a camp interaction between Micah and Javier, and like many other fanfiction writers, I decided to write smut about it. The fic was titled ‘Dirty Fucking Greaser’, and if that shocks you, I’m sure you can imagine how shocked I was to be informed afterwards that ‘Greaser’ was in fact a very serious 19th century slur for a Mexican individual. My first encounter with this word as insult was via RDR2, where it was used like a very casual insult. My only prior knowledge of this term was in regards to the greasers youth subculture, so the severity was lost on me. This obviously does not excuse my ignorance, and I should have researched the term better, but this is just again to apologize for that oversight, the insensitivity, and to highlight that my use of this term was not meant maliciously. Following this being pointed out, I proceeded to make 3 separate apology posts [Unfortunately I can only find the third one: HERE], renamed the fic, and added slur warnings in both the tags and the fic description. When I continued to receive complaints and increasingly aggressive abuse (which included being told my apologies weren’t good enough and I should delete my account and even kill myself), I attempted to delete the fic and mistakenly abandoned it instead. I contacted AO3 to see if it could be removed, but they said there was nothing they could do. I contacted their DMCA takedown team, who also said they couldn't remove it. Please note that all this happened 7-8 months ago, and has been dragged on for almost a year. 

So, from this one unfortunate incident, I’ve been branded a racist, and someone who attacks POC, when all I have done is tried to defend myself and correct my past mistakes. I could have done this more gracefully in the past, but frankly when you’re suddenly the target of unrelenting callout posts and nasty anons, it’s very hard to be open to criticism of this sort, but this is what I’m trying to move past.

Over the course of the year, this one mistake has spiralled, and the crusade against me has somehow coincided with moral conflicts over certain characters and ships. This has devolved into dehumanizing abuse, witch hunts, death threats, doxxing, anon hate, and much more unpleasant behaviour.

I have been in fandom for a very long time, and at the heart of all fandom circles is the fear of censorship and subsequent purges, so the ‘ship and let ship’ mentality was more or less the pinnacle of fandom philosophy. And yes, this can be problematic in some contexts. People have their right to be uncomfortable with content, have a right to be offended by content, but that is not content meant for you. This argument has devolved into ‘what material is morally right to engage with’ and that is a mentality in which fandom will not survive, because for every person who is telling me I’m an awful person for writing about Micah, there are three other people telling me how much they appreciate me making that content. For every fic in which I characterize Javier and Flaco a certain way, some people are made uncomfortable by it and others tell me they enjoy it. And this isn’t just white people, but POC too, which makes it very difficult to know whether I am genuinely in the right or the wrong, especially when it comes to the concept of ‘fetishization’ which I have been made aware I need to educate myself on. I intend to do so, but I disagree with the common accusation that finding non-white men romantically and sexually attractive is inherently fetishistic and makes me racist. It’s pushing a catch-22; don’t find POC sexually attractive? Racist. Find POC sexually attractive? Racist.

I am always willing to be (politely) approached about anything my readers may be concerned about, but if it’s something I’ve specifically tagged for (such as themes, scenarios, etc.) I’m afraid you consented to reading it and with that I cannot help you. You are just as responsible for curating your space and what you see/read just as much as I am responsible for tagging it appropriately.  

On the topic of racism, I want to bring up my prior use of ‘white racism’ which has obviously been a point of contention among both white and people of colour. The (literal) black vs white concept of racism is incredibly American-centric, and as someone from Europe, which has a history of oppression against white cultures and those of people of colour, it feels inaccurate. However, this has recently been discussed with me and I came to the realization that while growing up, especially in the UK, ‘xenophobia’ and ‘racism’ were marketed as one and the same. So, with this little revelation in mind, I will no longer be using ‘white racism’ (Or ‘reverse racism’) to identify the abuse I have been receiving, but will instead call it by what it really is; dehumanizing, debasing, xenophobic, puritanical.   

Very briefly, I will also touch on the NewAustin situation, which has also been dredged into this. I did not ‘chase a POC from tumblr’. NA was a minor who for some reason was on my 18+ blog and took issue with me, likely from the ongoing discourse regarding my fic and initial mistake, as well as my interest in Micah. They were subsequently harassed into deleting their account by anonymous hate following various conflicts with other users for their support of me or their ships in general. I have never encouraged my followers to target anyone, and have always asked to be blocked and blacklisted by those who do not like me or my content. When NewAustin messaged me following the deletion of their blog, I was admittedly indifferent to the point of being unkind, and accused them of sending the hate themselves. This was based on the anon hate being racially-driven without there being any prior knowledge or publication that NA was a person of colour. This aside, I should have at the time, whether I believed it was my followers or not, condemned this behaviour. Regardless of the issues I’ve had with these people, it is never ever ok to send hate to anyone, no matter the motivation behind it, and that should have been stated at the time.

All I can do at this point is acknowledged and apologize for my past mistakes, and try to improve myself going forward.  

It is not my place to dictate the morals of the character/ship-aspect of this argument, and I am not interested in waging a war of opinion. This post is simply to clarify how I am involved in this, and why I am so viscerally targeted. You can draw your own conclusions, but I am no longer interested in this endless back and forth.

To my mutuals/followers, I stand by my request to not interact and to block and move on, as this is what I’ll be doing too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope it makes things from my perspective a little clearer.

-RAT <3

EDIT: Just after this post was made, the fic in question was finally removed. I had to go through a DMCA take down, which can take months, since I originally abandoned the fic, thinking that meant delete. I explain this in more detail above. Said fic is gone, and has been gone since this post has been around.

[confusedinfj]

tips for developing fe? i find i can be immature in terms of being kind of a know it all, but i've been working on that. in general, i think my fe serves me okay now that i am learning to appreciate people more. i just wish it wasn't so difficult for me to express my feelings in a healthy way rather than repressing them until they burst.

Sorry it's been a while since you sent this! I found this to be quite a difficult question, and I hope this helps.

In general with lower functions, I'd recommend not focusing on them at all. Focus on character, because that's what you're really worried about here. Fe is (very short version) basically just a natural awareness of society/people and a strong desire to be apart of and connect with that community. Fe might naturally navigate society, but it can easily be manipulative in someone with bad character. In good character, it can be constructive and supportive in society. This question shows you have that desire to navigate society and connect with people, even if relational skills don't come easily to you - so you're already developing Fe! 👏

Tips though:

As for being a know it all (which I was as a kid 😂), you ultimately have to analyse WHY you're doing that. Is it because you like sharing interesting information? That would make it a bid for attention. You can learn a better way to try and befriend people, which will vary from group to group and culture to culture. Are you doing it to try and show people you're interesting? Interacting with people in such a self-distracted way doesn't work. You need to focus on the people in front of you instead, because it will usually help you figure out what to talk about instead. People always like to talk about themselves, so asking questions about their interests is a good start. You're only being a know it all if you're telling them things to show off, because you think you're better than them. If that's the case, you'll have to work out why you think that and ideally change it, because it's not a good starting point for friendships. Appreciation is (and you already know that too!)!

Appreciating people is the most important thing you can do, and that is entirely character related. You have to be able to see the beauty in each person's complexity, and want to know more about them. You have to develop empathy, which is totally separate from mbti.

As someone with high Ti, you might not be primed to be interested in every single person, but that's okay. Even high Fe users interested in every single person, it's okay to click with some and not others. The important part is respecting people in their humanity and being kind. If you follow social protocol, people can't even complain about you being rude. After that, if some people don't like you, it's not really a problem. There's no hard and fast rule for people, every single one will be different. It kind of sucks, but even as a high Fe user plenty of people don't like me 😂

As for the repression part of the question:

I've found part of having high Fe is being aware of how many relationships are actually shallow, and how many people aren't truly connecting with those around them. That means a lot of relationships in your life will just be polite, like at work, or school, or at the shops. It means a lot of people actually don't WANT you to express your feelings, because you don't have that kind of relationship. I know that sounds so mean 😂, but I want to make it clear it's honestly possible that people SHOULD be picking up on your feelings long before you feel you're going to burst. There are lots of micro signs that a person is upset, and a lot of people just ignore them. Sometimes they're not even looking for them, because they're not interested in deeper friendship. I've been horrified how many times people just don't notice when other people are distressed. BUT I'm going to answer the question with the assumption that you meant how can you better express feelings in relationships where people definitely do care and aren't just being awful.

Fe finds it pretty hard to express negative emotions, since it's very conscious of upsetting others. This is the one part of your question where developing Fe is what's needed, but alongside the development of assertive character. Well developed Fe can manage conflict, and recognises it's important to share negative feelings in order to have a true relationship. Otherwise the whole thing is fake. So, while expressing your feelings will likely kill a shallow relationship, it will deepen those with people of kindness and empathy.

So the answer is simple: just say it. I mean, don't scream it or anything, but just... try. Even if you have to cry, even if it takes ages for you to find the right words. You can write it down if you like, but I prefer not to have anything like that in writing. The general rule of thumb is, if it upset you, and you can't stop thinking about it after a few days, you should just tell them. Say, as an example, your friends went out to a movie and didn't invite you. If you think you have the kind of relationship where they truly care about you, you can just say - I was pretty upset I wasn't invited, because it seemed like you were trying to exclude me. (A general rule is that you frame the problem around yourself and your feelings rather than 'you went out without me and that was mean because you're a bully!' 😂). Then they have a chance to clarify or be mean 😋

I don't know if you're prone to oversensitivity, or if you think you are, but even then - your true friends should know who you are. In a lot of cases, communication solves the oversensitivity, because it provides an opportunity for people to explain their behaviour. (example: We didn't mean to hurt you, we thought you said you hated this movie and didn't want to see it with us - and you can be like, oops I didn't mean to say that but I guess I kind of did). It's better to risk sounding oversensitive than to attempt mind reading (because you'll likely be wrong and hurt yourself more).

Repression is a way to control emotions, but it almost always ends in a loss of control. The key to avoiding that is to express your feelings fairly close to as they come, as calmly as you can. Communication is, unfortunately, a skill that can only be developed in practice, not in theory. Although, if you have a good handle on the theory it helps, so you could probably write out scenarios before trying it.

If you meant that you're more prone to angry outbursts, the answer is still in early communication. Try not to think of it as a confrontation, and it might help fix the tone. Bringing up negative feelings doesn't have to be a conflict, it's as simple as saying a fact. Especially since someone who really cares about you should be willing to fix the problem with you.

I'd probably need specifics to be more helpful, but some dot pointers are:

If you want people to leave you alone for a bit, just calmly say you need to be alone for a while because you feel tired/stressed/a bit moody.

If you want people to pay attention to you and they aren't, try telling them you want to talk.

If you're too angry to speak to someone, tell them you're taking a moment to calm down. Don't engage until you can calmly articulate things. If that time never comes and you get angry every time you think about it, just try to say it as calmly as you can.

A lot of people recommend writing down negative emotions if you feel you're oversensitive, because it can help you figure out what can be mentioned. Supposedly, any issue that doesn't need to be mentioned will stop bothering you once it's written down.

Be careful not to mention a long term problem while you're mad about it. If it's something you've been holding on to for a long time, not sure if you should mention it, wait till you calm down again and then mention it's been something you've been thinking about for a while. Avoid saving up issues at all, but if you have it might be better to mention as many as you can at once. Otherwise it sounds like you're just keeping a record of wrongs and stringing it out.

Sometimes conflict is necessary, but that doesn't necessarily mean either of you did anything wrong. Try to look at any issue from that perspective if you can, and it will help you get through it all faster.

If you can't express yourself in a relationship it will ultimately be shallow and unfulfilling. It's never selfish to be genuine (that's not being mean on purpose obvs 😂), and good communication will help the other person open up too.

Sorry if I didn't manage to help at all, and sorry this is so long 👍

[loveisneurotic]

Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1

Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.

I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.

My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.

I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.

Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

Season 1 Episode 1

I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It

Power dynamics in relationships

Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.

I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."

In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?

I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?

If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?

These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.

Desire without action

Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.

The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.

What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.

In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.

I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.

That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.

Half a year passes.

Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.

Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?

This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.

Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability

Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.

To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.

It sucks.

Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.

It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.

Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.

If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.

It's gonna be great.

If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.

Chaos theory

Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.

Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.

From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.

Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.

Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?

Misunderstandings and assumptions

I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.

You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.

Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.

Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.

From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.

I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.

When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?

A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.

In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.

I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.

The burden of potential romance

Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?

Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.

To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.

Love is neurotic.

Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.

Love and self-identity

The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.

Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.

"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."

Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."

It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.

Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.

Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.

It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.

If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.

Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.

My hopes for this story's future

I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.

I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.

My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.

Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.

Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.

I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!

Closing thoughts

I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!

The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.

I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.

This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.

This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.

A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes

I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.

[mozillavulpix]

super anti-komahina salt

and this is to go further beyond

I saw a komahina fan post a write-up and it just irritates me so I want to break it down:

“If you think Komaeda is batshit insane or that his character is only about his obsession with hope and you interpreted Hinata's feelings about Komaeda as just hate of course it wouldn't make sense. Except neither of these are true for their characters.”

This is the basic surface-level narrative Komahina fans argue against, and fair enough, it’s a massive generalisation. But this argument also just irritates me because it implies everyone who doesn’t ship them do so because they don’t understand the characters well enough.

“long story short Komaeda's obsesses over hope as a coping mechanism, because it's the only thing he can cling to.”

I can agree with this in a way, but in my opinion I don’t think he’s so weak that it’s impossible for him break free from that mindset (during the game) if he really wants to.

“Komaeda doesn't like Hinata because he thinks he is talented and above him, Komaeda says he loves all ultimates but it's not real love. His love for Hinata is different. In the SDR2 drama CD he mentions that he loves Hinata because he tries to understand him.”

I can agree with this. Although the Drama CD is literally just the Free Time Events, I don’t think it’s some kind of ‘gotcha’ like people think it’d be.

But also keep in mind, yes, Hajime tries to give Nagito a chance and doesn’t immediately run away screaming because scary person he can’t understand, but Hajime also doesn’t particularly act more saintly than all the other kids towards Nagito after Chapter 1. Nekomaru and Kazuichi seem to at least try to hear Nagito out before they punch him in the face. Mahiru seems like she was the first one to consider giving him breakfast. Hajime tries to stop Akane from attacking him after the Chapter 1 trial, but mostly because he’s resigned to the fact it won’t change what he did, and he then changes his mind and gets pissed off when Nagito decides to taunt him about his amnesia in response. And it’s Sonia who finally settles everyone down. So yes, Hajime tries to understand Nagito, but in the actual plot itself that’s not a special trait unique to him.

It’s only ‘unique’ if you choose to do the Free Time Events, and the Free Time Events...are basically not canon. They’re more like a what-if scenario the player chooses to view, and the dialogue was written from that perspective.

As in, maybe it’s canon that they’d interact like that if they spent time together on the island, but it’s not canon that Hajime does and wants to do that during the story. Because you can do them for everyone.

“And they reach a mutual understanding in DR3 because the two of them are more alike than Hinata would like to admit.”

Um...

Well, this is why DR2.5 is bullshit

I agree they’re similar, but I think both of them knew this from the very beginning. It’s not exactly a reason for reconciliation and forgiveness. The fact they have similarities is the exact reason why Hajime is so upset at his betrayal, and snaps back at Nagito every time he brings that up. So I don’t know if that’s really a good reason to explain why they’ve forgiven each other come DR3.

“Komaeda doesn't see himself as above untalented reserves either, because in 2-4, after realizing the truth about Hinata he says that they are the same, stepladders for hope. He was lashing out at all the students for being despair. They are similar, because they both share the same views that talent is everything.”

And then Hajime gets his character development for the rest of the game all so he can realise talent isn’t everything. So...?

“Now from Hinata's end, a lot of people seem to miss this about him, but he is someone who denies his feelings when they get inconvenient, he is called a tsundere by monokuma” 

I guess this is a diss against the surface-level people and people who are like “but the text literally says this”. But even then, the game literally shows Hajime’s inner thoughts. If he’s conflicted about things, the text generally shows that too, even if it’s with a careful inclusion of a ‘...’

So I don’t think we should take that trait as an excuse to literally ignore what the text says.

He was felt pumped when Komaeda was out of critical condition, but he thinks "why do I have to feel pumped, oh well best not to think about it"....because Hinata likes to avoid facing things that inconvenient him. Hinata finds it hard to trust Komaeda and doesn't play along with him, because he is afraid of getting caught in his pace, and not because he hates him and thinks he is better off dead.

This part literally read like a high-schooler’s english essay, and maybe this kid actually is a high-schooler, tbh. Because that is one big leap from “Hajime finds it difficult to deal with his feelings” to “since Hajime finds it difficult to deal with Nagito, it means he doesn’t hate him”.

“I don't think Komaeda is a fundametally bad person but is shaped to be what he is because of his luck cycle. In his last FTE, Hinata asks what Komaeda would do if didn't have his luck cycle, and his answer was something along the lines of " a normal life, devoid of hope and despair". And we get to that his innermost desires is to live a normal life in the OVA, and his character song zansakura zanka.”

He can also just decide to not believe in his luck cycle.

Also, in the OVA, he’s embarrassed by that inner desire and tells World Destroyer he hopes no one saw that maybe he wishes for a world without talent.

Like his desire to be a good person is so hidden that he doesn’t want people to know.

“Hinata even mentions Komaeda isn't trying to trick anyone for selfish reasons in his report card, so it's a shame to see so many people attribute all of Komaeda's actions to malice just because of what Hinata thought of him in chapter 5 because it wasn't clear what Komaeda's reasons were at that point.”

Okay, a few things to unpack here:

Just because Nagito is doing things ‘for the greater good’, doesn’t mean it’s not also selfish. Hajime isn’t going to say that because Hajime doesn’t realise that. You can’t exactly trust him with being able to articulate everything about a character’s worldview. Izuru would. He probably does in Chapter 0. (And that’s why he seems disgusted by him).

Also, there’s “maybe Hajime is a slightly unreliable narrator because he tries to avoid thinking about difficult things”, and there’s “actually, the majority of how Hajime views Chapter 5 is unreliable because he didn’t know for sure if Nagito’s plan was malicious or not, it was just his gut feeling”.

What about the video message after Chapter 5? What about having to spell out ‘KILL US ALL’? What about Chapter 0 showing how in the real world Nagito had completely lost it? It’s not like the game was trying to present Nagito as any little bit more sympathetic after the trial. If anything, every piece of new info reinforced that mindset Nagito was filled with malice, up to the ‘fake Makoto’ saying that he somewhat understood him. The fake Hope made by Junko to trick them.

If you compare Chapter 5 in 2 to Chapter 5 in V3, you can see how the positioning is different. V3 does the “the villain tries to make himself look the worst he can in the mind of the heroes when in reality his real intentions were different” a lot better. More flat-out intentionally - the protagonist kind of literally giving a monologue about how the character was morally grey and even at the end there they couldn’t say they knew their true intentions. But also it’s just not as...sinister as 2-5. No ominous chanting, no dismembered limbs, none of the characters feeling completely out of their element and terrified. I think it’s text that Nagito is supposed to be villainous in Chapter 5 and even past Chapter 5.

So...

I can at least understand where Komahina comes from, but god it annoys me

Unpacking it like this, I can see it’s not even fair to argue back a lot of it - the stuff people are saying do make sense and are arguing against kinds of people I have seen.

Besides, I’m not arguing Komahina ‘can’t be canon’.

My view is just I think Hajime deserves better than a character like Nagito, who never repented for his actions on-screen or even gave much of a hint that he wanted to repent for his actions.

And that it’s still easy to argue that Nagito is a bad person even with his trauma.

Not everyone who calls Nagito an awful person is an idiot who doesn’t know how to read text past the surface, you can still make a nuanced take with that conclusion

for god’s sake

[wordsnstuff]

10 Mistakes to Avoid in Horror

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Valuing Shock Over Imagination

I’m only going to say this once: readers will always choose an imaginative story over a shocking one. Shock horror, gore, cliché, and easy solutions that the characters overlook for the sake of plot progression is shitty writing. Of course, shock, gore, and tropes all have their place in most horror stories but they are not the foundation, they’re the décor.

Not Doing Your Research

Just because a horror story isn’t a medical drama or a science fiction series doesn’t mean you don’t need to do your due diligence. The toughest part of horror is toeing the line that is the reader’s suspension of disbelief, and the most obvious mistake a writer can make that destroys this KEY part of the reader’s experience is to screw up the details. Research the way torture looks, feels, and how it affects the victim’s mental and physical state. If you’re going to reference or retell an urban legend, do some research on the lore rather than rely on the bits and pieces you remember from a 3rd grade camping trip. 

It doesn’t have to be textbook level accuracy. It’s fiction. But all readers have their own patchwork collection of knowledge on the facts used in fiction, so you want to avoid pulling them out of the story by getting something wrong due to a lack of research.

Cliche

Unethical experiment, bas phone service, playing with demons, Car breaks down in a forest, family trip to a haunted house, ghost hunters, etc. are all clichés that most can agree have been beaten to death. The problem is not a “lack of originality”, it’s a lack of effort. When a writer scribbles a bunch of tropes on little pieces of paper and then picks 3 randomly out of a hat, it’s easy to tell. 

Remember that it’s perfectly fine to use things that have been seen before, even over and over again, simply because they’re staples of the genre, but unless you make it your own, the reader will lose interest in not only your story, but your entire body of work. Horror is one of the most harshly judged genres in the literary sphere, and when a reader pegs you as a lazy horror writer, it sticks and it spreads.

Boring Main Character

Everyone on the planet has complained about the presence of boring main characters in horror. It’s not just about making the story more interesting or complicated, it’s about giving the reader someone worthy to root for. Humans are naturally desensitized to pain and fear that isn’t relevant to them. If the character is another faceless, nameless victim, there’s no reason for the reader to care whether they survive and recover or not. There’s no thrill in following their perspective because boring main character do not allow the reader to insert themselves. That’s not the goal of a horror story. 

You don’t want the reader to feel like they’re running from the killer directly, because their first instinct when faced with fear is to run (disengage from the story). You want the reader to feel like they’re watching someone else run from a killer and that there’s absolutely nothing they can do about it. They should be invested in the survival of this character, and feel helpless and scared FOR them. 

Boring Antagonist

Yes, most people are scared of death and pain and helplessness, but those should be products of a really strong antagonist. It’s hard to be afraid of an antagonist in any story because, deep down, we know that the hero (almost) always wins. Horror is the beautiful exception to that rule. It’s a coin toss as to whether the protagonist will survive and recover from the conflict of the plot, so take advantage of this uncertainty and make the villain truly and complicatedly terrifying. Make them human, deconstruct their motivations, and show the reader the parts of the antagonist’s point of view that most everyone can empathize with. There’s nothing scarier to an audience than their reflection in a black mirror. 

No Stakes.. At All.

Yes, dying is very bad and very much something to avoid, but it shouldn’t be the only outcome of the conflict resolution that the reader is afraid of. Let me put it this way: there should be at least one or two moments where the main character is in a situation that prompts them to come to terms with their fate. This is where you show the true stakes of a horror story. “My kids will be without a mother”, “My dad will be stuck without a son to look after him”, “my daughter in the other room depended on me and there’s nothing I can do to save her and it’s all my fault”. These are people’s WORST real-life fears and (hopefully) a book is the closest they will ever come to experiencing them. Be aware of that. 

Excluding Humor

Horror stories can have jokes in them. The best way to hit a reader really hard with suspense and dread is to lead in with a joke. Have a dad and his son reminiscing and joking about the son’s childhood in the midst of the situation. It humanizes characters to give them a sense of humor, so throw in a joke here and there to show the reader exactly what’s at stake. Protagonists are meant to be the light that the antagonist is trying to snuff out, so try to let the light in a little bit. 

Shying Away From Real-Life Horror

Gore, ghosts, and surprises are staples of the horror genre, but an integral piece of the genre that’s often overlooked when one is analyzing horror is the real-life implications of the story. For example, Misery by Stephen King is scary because it’s got an obsessed fan+kidnapping+a hammer, but it’s also scary because it shows the worst case scenario of things like idolization, parasocial interaction, and the fine line between idolizing an artist and feeling like they owe you something because you support their creation. Horror stories should always have two edges: the surface-level fear and the deeper meaning.

Telling Instead of Showing

This one’s pretty simple, but worth mentioning. Don’t say that Annie Wilkins “hobbled” Paul Sheldon. Make Annie Wilkins grimace at Paul Sheldon before bringing a hammer down upon the round of his ankle, with a resounding crack and an agonized shout following immediately before she continues to the next.

(Sorry about all of the Misery references, I just watched the movie again.)

–

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[antagonistchan]

i started playing Mass Effect: Andromeda yesterday.

i got a download code for it for christmas like two years ago and just finally redeemed it.

now, for years, i’ve been saying this: “i know that people don’t like Andromeda- it’s very hard to avoid that- but i’ve done my best to avoid looking further into why people don’t like Andromeda because i want to form an opinion for myself. lots of people don’t like Mass Effect 3 either and i fucking adore that game. based on the fact that most people don’t like Andromeda and consider it a total joke but i do see that it has its fans in the Mass Effect tag, i expect that it’s gonna be bad, but i’m gonna like it anyways, though not as much as i like the trilogy.”

and i was absolutely right. so far at least.

it’s definitely not the worst. i mean, unless the question is “the worst Mass Effect game”, in which case, yeah, it is the worst. but that’s not saying much considering the other three are collectively my favorite game of all time.

so, Mass Effect: Andromeda is an extremely flawed game. but it’s not completely worthless like some people say (though i can totally understand why someone would dismiss it as worthless).

it’s pretty ugly (it’s got good lighting, but the animations and textures and human models all look really.... off. and the original version of ME1 was also pretty ugly, but in a charmingly primitive 2007 kinda way; Andromeda’s ugliness lacks that charm, especially since the aforementioned good lighting makes it fail to feel particularly primitive). speaking of the animations, aside from them looking off, a lot of them are extremely stiff and borderline unfinished.

the Angarans as a species are also pretty ugly imo, but 1: that’s extremely subjective, i’ve definitely seen people who are thirsty for Angarans, and 2: that’s also not necessarily a complaint. Angarans just Look Like That. who says these aliens need to conform to our ideals of prettiness. and they’ve got cool stuff going on. Jaal’s neat.

i do like the Remnant. they kinda give off that same precursor vibe as Prothean/Reaper tech without feeling like exactly the same thing again, and it’s pretty interesting that they only disappeared within the last few hundred years rather than 50,000 years ago. and there’s a lot more left of them. they’re somewhat derivative of the Forerunners from Halo, but not too extremely.

now, the aliens i do have an issue with are the Kett. they are so extremely derivative. not only are they derivative of things outside of Mass Effect (i know next to nothing about Warframe and even i can tell that they’re visually a total ripoff of Warframe, and also to an extent Halo), but they’re derivative of things Mass Effect already had, too (gee, an evil race that creates its soldiers by corrupting members of other races? no, that’s not like the Reapers at all).

the game’s writing is mostly fine. nothing’s struck me nearly as hard as anything in the trilogy had this far in (for any of the three games), but the story hasn’t offended me too badly and there’s been stuff i’ve liked. Alec Ryder’s a cool dead mentor character and i did emotionally resonate with him sacrificing himself to save my character’s life, Andromeda manages to bring back a lot of the hard sci-fi elements that ME2 and ME3 both scaled back on from ME1, and i really like the whole disaster scenario that Andromeda inherently presents, and how it makes space feel really big and dangerous in ways the trilogy liked to hint at but never fully explore.

not sure how i feel about the combat yet. largely because of the game’s pacing, and there’s a complaint. the trilogy was pretty good at keeping you on your toes, balancing the combat/exploration gameplay with the downtime gameplay. Andromeda... doesn’t really. it’ll spend way too long on the combat/exploration stuff so i’ll easily start getting bored with it, and then it’ll spend way too long on the downtime stuff so i’ll easily start begging to actually try out the new combat/exploration stuff i’m getting during the downtime, and on top of this, it also means i’m having a really hard time adjusting to the combat. i’m not really having that much fun with the combat yet, but i feel like there’s a very good chance it’s because i just haven’t gotten the hang of it yet (especially coming right off the tail of another playthrough of the original trilogy, a series of games i replay literally every year and have since 2013 so i know them like the back of my hand). the idea of Profiles is interesting, at least.

the Tempest is a cool ship. i had it introduced to me as “a shitty version of the Normandy” and that’s not really fair. yeah, the Normandy’s cooler, but the Tempest is cool too. honestly, i found myself comparing it more to the Normandy SR-1 than the SR-2. It has a much more similar vibe (i mean, hell, you don’t need to go through any loading screens to see the entire ship, and it’s not all centralized around a single elevator). the windows are really really silly from an in-universe perspective but i can forgive that, especially since it’s finally fulfilling the promise that i mistakenly thought some vague blurry ME1 art made years ago- a central ops chamber with a full window view of the top part of the ship. and it’s pretty. Ryder’s bedroom is a lot nicer than Shepard’s, it’s a bedroom that’s much more my speed. i also think it’s funny that they had to rename the Tempest gun so the names didn’t conflict.

and then there’s the characters, and.... i mostly like them.

i’m a little mixed on Cora. she seems a little passive-aggressive. Drack is just store brand Wrex, but that’s not really a bad thing. i mean, could you live up to Urdnot Wrex? no, you couldn’t. so Drack doesn’t offend me, i like him. Tann absolutely sucks but he’s clearly supposed to suck.

but then you’ve got the characters who are on two opposite ends of the spectrum of likability: Vetra and Peebee.

holy shit Peebee sucks and i don’t want anything to do with her. she was one of those things i wasn’t able to avoid hearing about and yeah she sucks just as much as everyone said she does.

Vetra, meanwhile? i adore Vetra so much. i love her. the moment i met her, i just HAD to look her up on the wiki to see if i could romance her, and i was so elated when i saw she was an available bi romance.

and for that matter, i was soon pretty happy to discover the game’s selection of romances: three exclusively straight romances (Cora, Liam, Avela), two exclusively gay romances (Gil and Suvi), and five bi romances (Jaal, Vetra, the witch, Keri, and someone i haven’t met yet named Reyes). that’s a pretty solid mix! especially when the two straight romances are two humans and an Angaran, the two gay romances are both human, and the bi romances are two Asari, a female Turian, a human, and another Angaran. i think i’d adjust it slightly by making one of the straight romances bi, but aside from that, that’s... kinda perfect! this feels really well thought-out, like they tried to make the mix perfect (hell, making one of the Angarans exclusively straight but another one bi feels like they were trying to provide a serious cultural clue for them- namely, that sexual identity is a concept they have)! it’d also be perfect if everyone was bi, but perfect in a different way (pro: you don’t have to worry about sexuality at all, con: it’s kinda boring).

anyways, back to Vetra. it’s a little early to say, since i’ve barely even explored her romance, but........ while probably not my favorite romance (it’d take a lot to dethrone that current champion, Traynor, let alone the other high scorers Garrus and Tali), she’s probably pretty high up there. sassy Turian lady who plays dirty to get things done? hell, i love the Garrus romance so much despite being a lesbian, so i’m absolutely all for my character romancing a Turian with a dark side, and now we get someone other than Garrus to fill that role, and a lady at that! ME1 and ME2 didn’t have any female Turians and ME3 didn’t have nearly enough, and then ME:A just has so many. the same goes for female Salarians, too, actually, but it’s more understandable in-universe for Salarians considering how Salarian gender works. anyways, there’s more that i love about Vetra besides “she’s Garrus 2 but a girl now”, a lot more actually, but that core idea is really enough to get you on board with her, really.

(speaking of Garrus though, he was also the focal point of one of the game’s stupidest moments: at some point Ryder says “An impatient rookie, frustrated with procedure? That's overdone.” which like..... that’s clearly supposed to be making fun of Garrus?? who’s like, the literal most popular character in the franchise???? i’m sorry??? what??? it’s like they’re trying to piss the fandom off intentionally, and “creators intentionally trying to piss their fandom off” generally don’t earn much respect from me unless they’re indie, and even then it’s a tough sell)

but that Garrus thing is cancelled out by another cool thing: the Nexus. the core idea of the Nexus seems to be “the Andromeda Initiative decided to build their own Citadel”, and that’s really fucking cool. it’s interesting to see the challenges of getting something like the Citadel actually up and running, and the Nexus itself is pretty interesting, especially in comparing and contrasting between it and the Citadel. also it has a room dedicated to teaching any local species about the various Milky Way races, and it’s all technically accurate but also a little overly generous in how positive some things are (“Turian culture is proof that peace will always win out!” “Humans may be diverse, but we choose to celebrate that diversity rather than let it divide us!”). and also i love that they actually let you listen to the info about humans as if you weren’t a human yourself because one of my favorite things about ME worldbuilding is how much it feels like humanity is just another one of the races that exists in this world, and humanity are really only the “protagonists” of the story because Shepard/Ryder is human.

[itsclydebitches]

(1/?) I'm curious as to your thoughts: was there a good way to write Ironwood as CRWBY intended him, 'fundamentally good person shows signs of instability and a worrying commitment to the idea that everyone should be willing to make a sacrifice as long as he is, takes this to unacceptable extremes when a great sacrifice is called for'? I've been reading all these posts that actually make it seem like a coherent character arc, and I don't consider myself a 'bootlicker' or someone who

Always happy to explain my thoughts! Though Ironwood’s situation is incredibly complicated and I’m tired as hell right now, so apologies if this attempt at working through things is more than a little messy… 

You’re right that Salem herself fundamentally changes the heart of the “well-meaning but ultimately misguided general” setup. Meaning, normally when we see a character like Ironwood, someone military-minded and driven by pragmatism, whoever it is they’re fighting against is us. It’s a war against other humans, or at least another intelligent (and sympathetic) form of life. Ironwood’s attempted archetype here relies heavily on the assumption that he’s taking things too far when there are better, more peaceful options open to him. No, general, don’t nuke all those people even though we’re at war with them because they’re still people. No, general, don’t blow up the alien ship even though you perceive them as a threat because they feel just like we do and I, the protagonist, believe that I can make peace with them. Though RWBY doesn’t have quite that same conflict—everyone agrees that Salem needs to go—it’s nevertheless worth acknowledging that his archetype is built on a history of unsympathetic characters… who are unsympathetic because they’re choosing to harm others for needless reasons. The hardened military general is an antagonist because he takes the violent route either due to greed or a lust for power. He makes sacrifices not because they are truly necessary, but because they’re easier or better for him. He believes that this violence/sacrifice is the only answer when the audience can clearly see another, better route. Think characters like Miles Quaritch from Avatar whose goal is, ultimately, to force a peaceful people out of their home/outright kill them in order to gain access to a natural resource on their world. Even if there is, broadly speaking, a “good” reason for doing this (humanity needs that resource to solve their energy crisis) there’s no confusion that his reasons are far from justified and that he’s taken things way too far. Not only because gaining resources is, you know, not a reason to kill people, but also because Jake Sully, our hero, provides him with alternative routes that he then rejects. These people are peaceful. We can negotiate with them… but Quaritch says no. 

So this is, broadly speaking, the archetype Ironwood and Team RWBY are thrust into. He’s the general supposedly taking things too far and they’re the heroes standing in his way. Problem is, RWBY’s enemy isn’t a sympathetic, potential victim. The grimm are literally mindless beasts and Salem is a classic Big Bad. She might have a tragic backstory now, but that hasn’t impacted how we read her as a threat. She isn’t another group of humans we should be making peace with. She’s not an alien race who we just have to extend a hand to. Defeating her—in a literal way—is thus far the only possible route and that undermines the archetype Rooster Teeth wants to chuck Ironwood into. He can’t be the cold-hearted military man choosing violence over peace when peace is simply not an option.

So we have a setup where every single one of Ironwood’s decisions is automatically both sane and justified because there is an immortal grimm queen trying to kill them. And she cannot be reasoned with. Extra security? No duh you want that. Suspicious of others? No shit Beacon fell precisely because it was infiltrated. Making sacrifices? What else is there to do except roll over and let Salem win? The options presented to him were “make sacrifice” or “everyone absolutely dies” so no, in this case the sacrifice is not deemed “unnecessary” and therefore something that we can criticize him for. Ironwood is not fighting a powerful but also potentially sympathetic enemy, inviting a perspective that his actions may be too severe in the face of that threat. Salem isn’t a Darth Vader who is going to turn back to the light when she sees her child. She isn’t a Sauron with a convenient Achille’s heel (as of yet anyway) thereby inviting an easy solution that doesn’t risk too many lives. The grimm are not the Klingons who, if you just take the time to know their culture, you can find common ground with. They and Salem are more akin to the Borg: a relentless, unreachable, immortal force that seeks only to destroy everything. She is RWBY’s devil and thus by default any question along the lines of, “But should Ironwood really have..?” is answered with an emphatic “Yes.” Because the only other option is total annihilation for the entire world, not just the one city you’re worried about. RWBY’s villain is such a massive, unarguable threat that the setup doesn’t allow debate in regards to what’s going “too far.” By having Team RWBY and Oscar parrot those views from other stories they just come off as sounding naive, foolish, and arrogant. Salem is not an enemy that you just need to try really hard to beat in battle. She is currently immortal. She is not someone you just need to talk down. She will annihilate you and laugh while doing it. “Unnecessary sacrifice” only exists in a world where you have a chance of taking another route with success. RWBY hasn’t provided that route yet. 

Thus, most military archetypes don’t have to face the level of threat that Ironwood does. In fact, their status as antagonists largely relies on the belief that the threat isn’t severe enough to warrant whatever horrific order they’re giving. Rooster Teeth has written a character based on tropes that do not work within the scenario they’ve set up… and a good chunk of the fandom aren’t critical enough viewers to see the disconnect. They just watch that collection of tropes and characteristics and fill in the blank based on what they know from the rest of popular culture. Like a really messed up Mad Lib. “Ah! I recognize this character! He’s a military man. He’s strict at times. He’s taking control of a situation and achieving that with an army. This is all a Bad Thing and I know that because I’ve seen it a thousand times before in a thousand different stories. The powerful military man is the antagonist and the heroes are the ones who fight for the marginalized!” And thus the viewer is encouraged to prioritize that assumed reading over the actual context of this particular story. Few are willing to admit that “Leaving marginalized people behind because otherwise we will all be slaughtered” is not the same situation as something like “Outright attacking a marginalized people because I want something from them. Or abandoning them because I just don’t care.” They see the basic, surface characteristics and think they know the answer to this story. Team RWBY = good and Ironwood = bad. 

That’s only the tip of the problem though. It’s a big problem, but literally every step of the way Rooster Teeth would need to change things if they actually wanted to give Ironwood this arc in a way that made any sense: 

They would need to change how they portray Mantle going all the way back to Volume 4 because we knew straight out of the Fall that Mantle has had a lot of problems for a very long time. That’s not all on Ironwood—it’s not possible for it all to be on Ironwood—and thus it’s neither correct nor fair to paint Mantle’s dystopian-like state as his doing, as we saw at the beginning of Volume 7. 

They would need to convince us that Ironwood is actually paranoid/being overly cautious, rather than what we actually have which is… completely logical safety measures against everything that has done them in up until now. Everything Ironwood implements is in direct response to something that killed people or felled a school. 

The story would need to give Ironwood better solutions that he then rejects. Obviously this is crucial for the leaving Mantle situation. As I’ve said numerous times before, you can’t paint Ironwood as a horrific person for following the only plan they had. “Stay to die” is not a plan. If they wanted him to read as in the wrong for leaving, Team RWBY needed to give him a good reason to stay, one that doesn’t automatically equal everyone dying, especially when Ironwood’s own solution is “save at least some.” However, this also needed to happen in regards to Amity. The fandom keeps pointing out that Ironwood took resources from Mantle, painting it as this cruel and awful thing… without acknowledging the necessity of that. Or that our heroes likewise demanded that he finish. Ruby is equally responsible for taking those resources. Again, if they want to paint Ironwood as unhinged and cruel in his decision, they need to provide him with alternatives: “Hey, general! Why don’t we just use these other resources instead?” “No. They must come from Mantle.” or “Hey, general! We’re just going to let you know that finishing Amity is fundamentally useless because you can’t defeat Salem with a giant army. Maybe stop taking resources now.” “No. I don’t believe you. I’m going to forge ahead with my own plans, ignoring this new information.” Neither of these things happened. We weren’t told that there was another way to build Amity and Ironwood wasn’t told that his plan was flawed… making his decision both necessary and justified, given what he knew. To my mind, Team RWBY is far more responsible for Mantle’s state since they encouraged that drain on the resources while knowing the use of those resources wouldn’t achieve what Ironwood assumed it would. Which, while failing to paint them as heroic, likewise undermines Ironwood’s supposed villainy. Why do we hate him for this again…. when Ruby is doing the exact same thing…? 

They would need to have established, all the way back in Volume 2 and onward, a personality that allows for him to go to certain extremes, such as shooting Oscar. I don’t have the energy to dive into this one in great detail right now, but suffice to say the fandom has decided to horrendously miss-characterize Ironwood in an effort to justify an illogical action based on what we know about him. I’ve seen the “He once said he would shoot Qrow!” so often I’m literally astounded by the reach there, but I’m also seeing a lot of “Ironwood has never shown any sympathy towards children!” Which… okay. The absence of interaction is not proof of hatred. Meaning, having watched seven volumes in which Ironwood doesn’t interact with kids only tells us we don’t know how he feels about kids, not that he obviously despises them. A lack of scenes wherein Ironwood expresses his adoration for everyone under the age of twenty is not evidence for dislike, nor more than making a claim like, “Well Ruby obviously hates pears” would be. Why would she hate pears? Because we’ve never once, ever, heard her say that she likes them. She’s never spoken positively about them. Never stood up for them! So clearly they’re her least favorite food. Sound ridiculous? Same situation here. To say nothing of the fact that we do see Ironwood interacting positively with kids, if we define “kids” as “characters significantly younger than him.” We watched him desperately protect large groups of students at Beacon. Stand up for Weiss at the party despite how much that threatened his political situation with Jacques (as seen in Volume 7). Send Yang an expensive new arm purely because he knows what it’s like to lose a limb. The narrative has gone out of its way to demonstrate how kind and compassionate Ironwood is, all of which would need to be changed—if not outright erased—to give us someone capable of shooting Oscar like that. 

The fact that the fandom chooses to ignore characterization doesn’t mean it’s not there and that characterization, at its core, fundamentally hinders the “military man goes off the deep end” archetype. Because Ironwood is nothing like his parallels in popular culture. His situation is not one that he can resolve peacefully. He was not given better options that he then rejected. He has never been a cold, manipulative, cruel person. Honestly, if they wanted to write this arc then they needed someone other than James Ironwood living in the world of RWBY. We’d need a different kind of war and a different character introduced all those volumes ago. Because as it is, the story Rooster Teeth wanted to tell simply isn’t a story fit for the Ironwood and the Remnant they created. 

[sa-suga]

hello ma’am congrats on 400! what’s your writing process like? do you start off the same time or does inspiration randomly strike (also do you have any tips for writing any thing sad/angsty) 😽💞

ahh thank you!! i see you in my notifs regularly and i love you for it <3 but,, what do you mean by start off the same time ahh i'm sorry i don't really get it :((

but i usually just start off with a concept/aesthetic and let things work themselves out from there! like i write faster and better when i know what the "destination" of the story is - what is my focus, what it is i want to say, and then i just pick an overarching theme to help guide my use of language and tone, and let the "journey" work itself out! i write most of my fics in one/two sittings, unless it's super long and heavy like tbbs!

ajbxnxx i've written like two or three sad/angst fics so idk if i'm the best person to ask,, but most of the time i think it's safer to say that you shouldn't try to write something you don't understand. i'll elaborate on this under the cut because it's kinda heavy, and i don't think it's what you're asking in particular but i still think it's rather important.

but before that, here's some other general tips i have!

if you're writing about trauma, do your research. again, elaborated on under the cut, but just remember that not doing your research just paints a picture of ignorance and harmful romanticism!

focus on the internal conflict and emotions of whatever pov you're writing from!

don't make it angsty just for the sake of it; if you really want it to hurt and pack a punch, there's got to be meaning behind it - e.g why is it so hard for them to apologize? what's holding them back? pride? fear of being hurt and showing weakness?

continuation under the cut

tw: mentions of (sexual) harassment/assault

the only angst i've written so far has to do with the aftermath of sexual assault, so i'll use it as an example to explain what i think! do note that this is my personal opinion, based on my own experiences. 

i see lots of writers doing headcanons or scenarios of the reader being (sexually) harassed/assaulted, without actually having gone through/known someone who went through stuff like that, and i think it's honestly very damaging to see how the readers bounce back immediately because "*insert character name* is hot and caring and also a childhood crush".

because the fact is that there are people who have to go through that, and sometimes help doesn't arrive in time, if at all; and seeing how the trauma is being wiped away so easily after just a few lines is so so damaging because it trivialises the trauma of actual survivors and unconsciously romanticizes such acts in the eyes of the general public.

i don't want to call out specific writers because it's not like i'm privy to the full details of their lives, but i just want to say this: if you're adding a sexual assault/harassment scene for the sake of having a character save the reader/another character so that they can "get closer and bond and develop trust" and all that jazz, don't. especially if you don't deal with the possible aftermath properly, or you don't actually know what you're talking about besides what you've seen in movies/other writing.

i know some people view fanfics as a safe bubble away from reality, but i don't think that justifies the romanticism of things like sexual harassment/assault. i'm not saying don't write fics on that if you didn't experience it, i'm saying don't write about things that you don't understand. if you really, really wanna write about it, do research. consider the different perspectives. understand that what you seen in chick flicks isn't the start and end of things.

anywho this isn’t meant as an attack on anyone, i just thought i’d bring this up since this ask is lowkey related to it!

[saraa-lancee]

So what issues would you like them to tackle that hasn’t already been done on the show before?

(I just want to say this is my first ask ever and I've been here since... God maybe 2013? So thank you!!)

I would LOVE to see a new dimension to sexuality. I'm also casually of the team that's "Sara herself should say Bisexual" because Bisexual has only been said once on screen and Nate said it casually.. We have a scene where Sara says tells Nurse Lindsay that Lesbian isn't a bad word yet the show kinda doesn't act that way about Bi. Bi erasure is an issue that would be interesting-- since Sara is with Ava, it would be neat to have some line of "i didn't pick a team" or just along the lines of Still Bi With A Woman.

(They also missed an opertunity with Charlie to use neutral pronouns of some kind)--> a discussion further on gender identity would be cool too. There are casual set ups for this with Charlie, like in the Shakespeare episode, but nothing is ever really taken completely seriously or honestly even explicitly. I would really enjoy a nonbinary or intersex narrative in this particular context because I feel like the team of legends (as the people the characters are) would fit really nicely with that. But it would be cool to have a trans character that Gideon helps? Because the arrowverse trans character (in Supergirl-- Nia) is already transitioned. It would be cool to have a transitioning characer in a really casual way even (a particular scenario would be New Character leaving sickbey while someone else walks in. Other person asked if New is feeling OK and New just says like "oh yeah, just my hormones.). But yeah anything with gender identity.

I always hunger for more disability stories, but based on how they Wrote Sara's blindness... yikes. I remember watching a panel or something on YouTube about how Caity was hoping that Sara was at least going to have a cane or be shown to struggle with some stuff, but the writers ignored all of that. So its kind of touchy based on that but I think it would be really neat to have someone with a prosthetic (or even just an amputation, someone born without a limb, etc.)-- it would be a beautiful narrative about 'Gideon can literally grow you a new arm' and that character firmly saying no, this is me, having this difference doesn't make me less, you aren't "fixing" me because I'm not broken, I like myself, etc, whatever.

I know that for me personally one of the best things about the show is that Sara and Ava don't have to come out, and everyone just treats them like normal, but I think some kind of homophobia narrative would be good, not to a big extent but just to the extent like in S1 when Kendra and Ray move in 1950s and that dynamic only with the girls. Like, for the show to acknowledge homophobia in such a direct way, as they did with interracial relationships. This beyond the obvious homophobia of the Nazis. (I personally can't think of an aspect where its implied, but sometimes I can miss or misinterpret implicated stuff like that).

I would love to see a return to POC cultures and narratives (narratives outside of racism) S1 with Kendra and Carter and the Egyptian culture aspect, Amaya and Zambesi aspect. We see a tad bit of this with Zari and the bollywood scene, and Japan post WW2, but they are more side aspects now. It would be neat to go to India or other places in southeast Asia (culturally), or Central/South America. Overall, I would just like to see more of that cultural aspect because human culture is something that interests me a lot and I feel like can be easily casually thrown in with time travel--- traditional clothes, buildings, and ideals (an example of the ideals is the discussion in feudal Japan about the cultures views on death).

I feel like there was a lot of potential with Hank and Sara to continue that discussion about women in power. Yes, we have discussed this before. We do it a lot in second season with the JSA and even Jonah Hex but I think Hank had a lot of potential to add a dimension to that discussion. (honestly see next paragraph for more). That whole episode with the Minotaur i would have loved if they'd been a bit more explicit with that-- yes, obviously a woman can be in charge (in Hanks mind) but he has the right to walk in there and take over because her experience doesn't matter and also we will do whatever he wants. Sara spends almost the whole time just rolling her eyes and bitting her tongue besides a light quip in the beginning asking if a girls ever punched him. in the past Sara has literally exerted dominance over men so I was just kind of disappointed with that dynamic. I love the character of Sara as an "unconventional woman" or a "strange friend" and I've noticed comments like that pretty much stopped after the 3rd season. I know some people hated those comments but I think they can be good. I enjoyed them and would like to see them again because it's literally just Sara being unapologetically herself, a strong woman, doing whatever she does, no matter how weird or unconventional it is. (Which is an integral part of Saras character to me)

BUT its also not necessarily "new" issues. Issues don't go away in real life-- we had multiple issues about Race in America with Jax, from different points in history (Slavery and the 1950s). Jax even mentions how he still experiences Rascism today. The issues don't go away and just because they are mentioned once doesn't mean they can't (and shouldn't) be examined from other points in history. IE just because the show has talked about it before doesn't mean we can't talk about it again from a different angle and/or perspective.

I see a lot of potential with Astra with the racism thing (people are nicer to me in literal Hell) but it also would have been interesting with Mona, to show a different type of racism would have been INCREDIBLE.

I also can think of maybe a scene or two that would have just been a nice touch with Zari (either one, but I have a soft spot for Zari 1.0, and I think with her life as an illegal Muslim would have been an enriching perspective) as a Muslim. They are very good to her character in the way that she obviously abstains from Liquor and Pork, and observes Ramadan. But one thing that would have been interesting is for Zari to experience early 2000s (or honesty still right now) xenophobia. Especially Z1 since being a Muslim is Illegal in 2045 there was a lot of emotional potential there. (Although I feel like I can understand why the writers didn't want to touch that because of current conflicts).

Since we're going to outer space (that was actually confirmed right? Or was it just hinted and I misread??), I think issues will have to be character driven rather than time period driven. But therin we have a lot of potential-- a race of aliens without distinct genders (wait, so your worth can be dictated based off of your genitals?? Plus sexuality stuff there), aliens confused about race (I don't understand some of your skins are different colors... and your people treat each other differently based on this?). We could introduce a matriarchal society, which the crew with Captain Lance feel particularly unphased by. Perhaps we have a completely pacifist society or aliens made of inorganic materials (debates about what constitutes as alive, what lives are meaningful, etc.) You get the idea(I adore star trek so you can imagine my glee thinking about some of those scenarios).

I think for me, the hard shift to comedy was at the expense of some of my favorite aspects of the show and also things that set it apart. This Found Family is so rewarding because they are all so so different but those differences enrich each other. They become better people and feel at home without having to change who they fundamentally are. And they are whoever they want to be. I feel like now the show has simply had an incredibly jarring tone shift thats trying too hard to be a comedy. (This one is just an opinion but a joke among all the serious is always just a lot more funny to me. I find myself laughing more at one liners and random stuff in the early seasons. Now it feels like 'ok, what's the next ridiculous thing.')

I think... humanity is pretty dark. But humanity also rises above. This is why I adore the episode from post WW2 Japan and to me it personally really stands out from other episodes in s4/s5. The idea of creating and destroying, pain and sadness locked inside, terror and hatred for the beings you share the planet with. That pain creates monsters. Sometimes by accident. (Sara's pain turned her into the version of herself she called a monster.). And also about embracing your passions (Mick hiding his writing). In that episode, we still have jokes about Godzilla. Garima appears and its hilarious. But it's also an incredibly powerful narrative about pain and fear and shame and gives a perspective that the western audience wouldnt... necessarily think about (the actual consequences and what the bomb actually literally did.).

That darkness makes the light so much more meaningful. If everything becomes light... than why are we still fighting?

Sorry if this is jumbled, I'm on mobile so.

Also, sorry if this is a rant or whatever. I am very passionate about this topic and oh boy if I was on a computer and had the time I'd probably repondd with a link to a doc.

[nickjunesource]

Someone in the YouTube comments for next week's promo stated the reason that Nick hasn't been present in this season is because Max was directing his film, "Teen Spirit", so the writers of THT had to deliberately write him out of most episodes. It makes sense since all Max has been promoting on his SM is Teen Spirit. It is saddening though because the story this season doesn't feel complete without him, an integral component missing. But I do believe he'll come back for the final episode[s].

i have been hearing this a lot lately. and it’s fake. allow me to dispel this myth here and now with a little story, because i witnessed max minghella talk about this to great extent in person.

back in april i attended a teen spirit screening + q&a with max and jamie bell. max discussed his schedule with us twice that night. the first time was during the actual q&a where he recounted the breaks he took for handmaid’s tale. teen spirit wrapped filming in 2017, he took a break to film season 2, then came back and finished all the teen spirit editing after. he said he was not frustrated about having to take 2 years to finish teen spirit, but actually grateful for the long breaks because it worked wonders for his creative process (by giving him “fresh eyes” as he called it)

the second time he discussed it was after the q&a when he was hanging out with fans, chatting and taking pics with us. this time he became a little bit… defensive about it? not defensive in an offended way, but in a “panicky” need to explain himself sort of way.

you see, one fan in particular expressed her worry about his role in THT being reduced since he wasn’t in toronto filming at the time. max instantly said “no, no, no!” and his whole body language shifted. like he literally came closer and put his hand on this woman’s shoulder to comfort her, he was so serious.

he was insistent about reassuring her (and the rest of us who were still present and listening) that wasn’t the case and that he never lets any of his personal projects conflict with handmaid’s tale. he actually spent quite a while explaining this (giving us another, even more detailed recount of his schedule for the last 2 years) and we could all tell he took the concerns seriously. (and he took us seriously! it was a very wholesome interaction that stood out to me, which is partly why i remember it so clearly. like he genuinely wanted to comfort his fans and wanted us understand his side entirely before jumping to conclusions?)

all of this happened months before season 3 aired. at the time i had no idea nick’s role would be so drastically reduced. but now that i know, max’s reaction was actually extremely apt and telling of what was to come. (and i probably should’ve asked him more about it at the time, but he was being quite tight-lipped about any season 3 talk.)

2 other notable things he mentioned at this q&a that lead me to believe him when he said he doesn’t let his projects conflict with THT:

that he wasn’t expecting to do this much PR for teen spirit (which i suppose could just be him being self-deprecating, but in retrospect i do wonder if he meant that he didn’t expect his schedule to be so open)

that they spend so long filming handmaid’s tale (7-8 months) that it’s relatively easy to work around schedule conflicts with any of the cast. (keep in mind that he was still flying to toronto back in april/may (1, 2) even while doing various kinds of teen spirit PR.)

all of this + the fact that in every interview he expresses how much he loves working on the show… i don’t believe for 1 second that it was max’s choice.

i believe this was entirely a writing decision because bruce has said he likes his characters to “leave orbit” for awhile. was it a good idea? not at all. this would’ve been the ideal season for world building from nick’s perspective and i think that’s a huge opportunity missed. but they have mentioned more than once their plans to make june feel “isolated” this season, and i think removing nick from her life and subsequently ours was their way of doing that. much like they have cut out flashbacks this season to make us feel trapped on june’s level. (and i hate it. i don’t think these are ~creative writing decisions at all, but i digress.)

and, i mean, i heard max clarify this with my own ears. i watched him try to reassure that worried fan and explain himself in depth when he didn’t have to. and he’s never been known to lie in any scenario. so i’m going to go with max on this one, instead of some rumor from youtube, and say that he would have put season 3 ahead of his personal projects… had they only given him the opportunity.

edited to add: for further proof, here is an interview where max says more or less the same thing he told us during the q&a

THE BEAT: You’ve been doing “Handmaid’s Tale” for the last few years. Was it hard to juggle the schedule for that and make this movie? Did it take longer to finish the post because you had obligations to the show?

MINGHELLA:  That’s a very observant question. I mean, what basically happened was that we finished shooting the movie and then I went and shot Season 2 of the show, so I took a hiatus for a long time, like six months, away from the movie before I really committed to the edit. That was just a lovely gift, and I don’t think I’ll ever get that privilege again of having that time built into the schedule. It was like a very lucky thing, but it just meant that when you come back to look at it, you’re completely objective already since it’s been six months since you had to be around this film and the world of it. That was very helpful. Even though it ended up taking longer, it also expedited things, too. x

[gonewiddershins]

Romancelandia you don’t have to ask I’m just gonna say it anyway~

Original Post Here

Barbara Cartland: Favourite author?

Courtney Milan.

Alisha Rai: Favorite era? (i.e. when they were written, not when set)

Current! I’m ecstatic to see how much more punk the romance novel genre has become lately- so many authors explicitly talking about race and class and gender and mental health and neurodivergence in so many interesting ways. Independent publishing opening up entirely new avenues which were not recommended for traditional publications. It’s exciting and wonderful.

Eve Dangerfield: Favourite setting for historicals?

Not sure if my opinion matters here because I have read books from very few eras? I think my preferences have moved to mid-to-late Victorian era for England-based books, but what I really want more of is historicals on other (non North American) continents. I badly want to do a romance in Historical India that is not about Englishmen, for example. Like a Muslim and Hindu falling in love during the Aurangazeb era, maybe. 

Anne Mather: Favourite contemporary setting/sub-genre

Again, I haven’t really read enough to form a nuanced opinion- when I look for contemporaries, my first priority used to be “does this make me laugh?” Which is um- a relic of a bygone era, because that used to be the only thing I wanted from contemporaries. 

Right now, I try to get read more of diverse romance in contemporary eras. Again, including non-American/English nationalities.

Georgette Heyer: Third or first person tense?

Either will do. It’s not really a factor in how much I enjoy a story. 

Lisa Kleypas: Hero/ine you’d most like to date & Jane Austen: Hero/ine you’d most like to be friends with

Same answer to both of the above categories. I’ll take anyone who I think is a rational person who forgives misunderstandings ans does not try to actively make them. I’m not really that picky. 

Amanda Quick: Hero/ine you most relate to

At the time when I first read it as a dramatic early twenties person, Minerva Lane from Courtney Milan’s The Duchess War spoke to me. There was a lot in there about fear and having to push yourself down fro the sake of survival that was similar to my life back then. I cried a lot when I read that book. 

More recently, I really wanted to snuggle up to Verity Plum from Cat Sebastian’s A duke in Disguise because her feelings of independence and placing it above pretty much everything else her life is... yeah. A lot of what Verity says sounds intimately familiar. 

Julie Anne Long: Historical or contemporary?

Historical. Given a choice between two books which are similarly positioned in terms of tropes I like and hate, I’ll pick a historical every time. 

Mariana Zapata: Open or closed door sex scenes? & Anne Hampson: Erotic or clean romances?

Ninety percent of the time I’m thoroughly disinterested in the sex scenes, and sometimes I am actively annoyed at the many pages of boning happening while the protagonists barely have an emotional connection. That said, there are plenty books which have no sex scenes where I am reduced to gross sobbing because GODDAMMIT THERE IS TOO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION IN THE AIR GIVE ME BONING.

I am still thirsty about Jo Beverley’s The Unwilling Bride. There was so much sexual tension and growth and Lucien was hot as hell but there was no sex scene. //grumbles

Elizabeth Hoyt: Paranormal or science fiction?

I haven’t read that much SF romance, but I’m going to pick it anyway because the usual tropes associated with Werewolves/Vampires bug the crap out of me. 

Nalini Singh: Favourite tropes

Both the protagonists have problems with stakes, and one is not there to manic pixie the other. Protagonists have relationships (non-romantic) outside of the romance. Subversions and reversions of gender norms. Banter and Snark. Character tries very very hard to not be emotionally vulnerable, but goddammit there are these stupid feelings. 

Alyssa Cole: Least favourite tropes

Prolonged Miscommunication. Slut shaming, especially when coupled with I Have Had So Much Sex and I am So Experienced hypocrisy. Gratuitous sex with no emotional connection. Protagonists immediately throwing over all other friends/family/loved ones for the sake of their new romantic interest. False competence in female characters which immediately get thrown to the wind when the romantic interest comes on scene (Ahem. Never Judge a lady By Her Cover.)

Rose Lerner: Favourite / Least favourite series

Nope.

Sandra Marton: Favourite romantic non-romance or love story

Unspoken Trilogy, by Sarah Rees Brennan. It is in part a fascinating exploration of privacy in a relationship- most of the rest of it is about friendships and platonic relationships. There is also a cult of sorcerers trying to take over the world via human sacrifice but I continue to insist that’s mostly just setting information. 

Skye Warren: Any problematic faves?

I have a depressingly large soft spot for anything funny, and I will forgive a lot of despised tropes if a book makes me laugh. I’m easy.

Specific examples: Until You (Judith McNaught), Dragon Shifter Series (Katie MacCalister).   

Ainsley Booth: Position on HEAs

I’m cool with those.

Abby Green: Position on HFNs

I like these better than HEAs, because the characters I like tend to be difficult and also fighting various difficult scenarios so it’s far more likely that more problems will pop up in their lives than not. 

Kristen Ashley: Position on the “romance novels are feminist” discourse

Conflicted. I think many romances are feminist, but there are an equal number or more which are patently not. Like all other genres, it has to be judged on a book by book basis, not for the genre as a whole.  

Carla Kelly: Position on the “calling romance novels trashy is problematic” discourse

Yes. Outright dismissal of an entire genre is just dumb. 

Diana Palmer: Position on the “are romance novels porn” discourse

Ha, no. Porn is porn. 

Johanna Lindsey: Position on the “romance novels represent the female gaze” discourse

Yes, I guess? In many romances the way men are portrayed is markedly different from the way they are seen in other genres. Again, this is not a universal constant- all romances do not show men in the exact same way. 

Also, it is hard to find any other genre with a larger proportion of characters, viewpoints and conflicts centered around women so there’s that.   

Mary Jo Putney: Position on the “calling romances without sex ‘clean’ or ‘sweet’ is implicitly slut shaming romances with sex” discourse?

Yes. Just call them romances without sex. What are we, the moral police?

Cara McKenna: What’s your hot take on the “forced seduction” trope?

I understand the time and place where there scenes were popular, and the social norms which prompted them. I’m still uncomfortable with them and there are may things I’d rather read about so I avoid them.    

Abigail Barnette: Opinion of Fifty Shades of Grey

Never read it, don’t plan to. Like I said, sex is not really my thing.

Tessa Bailey: Opinion of Twilight

I gobbled these books like a maniac when I first read them and there is a lot of pure entertainment in there and there is so much emotion. That said, they are not quite as interesting on re-reads. :(

Kathleen E. Woodiwiss: Opinion of Pride & Prejudice

I’m not comfortable with the prose, which means i prefer to watch/read adaptations. Most notably the Lizzie Bennet Diaries. 

Lynne Graham: Opinion of Harlequin Mills & Boon

Meh. 

Tessa Dare: Opinion of bodice rippers

I mean, I would be fine if there wasn’t so much of people causing their own problems by refusing to talk to each other. 

Sylvia Day: Opinion of Fabio

I did not even know he was a real person till like- recently.

Roni Loren: Opinion of male romance authors

Yes please. Particularly if they are writing under female pseudonyms. With this, we are getting the exact same thing that female authors did and have to go through- a forced perspective from people oft he other gender. That can only lead to more nuance and acceptance and I am all about that.  

Courtney Milan: All-time favourite romance novel & Jana Aston: Favourite contemporary romance & Judith McNaught: Favourite historical romance

Nope.

Alexa Riley: Physical or digital books?

Digital. I tend to make a lot of highlights and notes and that holds up much better with ebooks. 

E.L. James: Internal drama or external drama

Characters who are not getting together/along because they can’t communicate with each other are better off not being with each other in the first place. So if that’s what internal drama is then I prefer the external type. 

Sarah MacLean: Favourite heroine/s & Maya Rodale: Least favourite heroine/s & Penny Reid: Favourite hero/s & Megan Hart: Least favourite hero/s & Stephenie Meyer: Favourite and least favourite couple/s

I have types rather than specific examples. Most of it has already been detailed out in the tropes questions.

Beverly Jenkins: First romance novel you ever read

Almost Heaven, by Judith McNaught.

Sabrina Jeffries: How long have you been reading romance novels?

14 years or thereabouts.  

Loretta Chase: Last romance novel you read

A Duke in Disguise by Cat Sebastian. I’m currently reading An Unconditional Freedom (Alyussa Cole) and Earthrise (MCA Hogarth).

Christina Lauren: Do you need to start a series from the beginning, or can you just dive in anywhere?

Anywhere is fine.

Chuck Tingle: How strong does your HEA have to be?

Not much. See the HFN answer. 

Julia Quinn: Underrated author/s & Mary Balogh: Most overrated author/s & Violet Winspear: Most overrated book/s & Sara Craven: Most underrated book/s & Susan Elizabeth Phillips: Best romance by a debut author? & Madison Faye: Favourite romance by a non-romance author

Error Report: Cannot Compute, not enough data.

Nora Roberts: Least favourite hero and heroine archetypes

Eloisa James: What are you reading when you’re not reading romance?

Fantasy, Science Fiction, YA, Comics, Mysteries, Fanfiction, Nonfiction. I’ll read anything. 

Teresa Medeiros: Other media property you wish was a romance novel

Idk what this means?   

Laura Lee Guhrke: Last romance novel you DNFed

I think it was Elizabeth Kingston’s A Fallen Lady? Which was actually a GOOD book and I skipped ahead to scenes I really wanted to see and those scenes made me cry but also... there was not much about the romance itself that I was really interested in. I loved the heroine to death though. 

Cat Sebastian: Alpha, Gamma, or Beta heroes?

Depends on how they are written, but I confess an Alpha is so easily made into an irredeemable dipshit.  

Jeannie Lin: Ideal hero and heroine archetypes

Family-minded hero stressed out about taking care of his family. Independent, business minded heroine. 

Helen Hoang: Sexually experienced or inexperienced heroines? & Lucy Monroe: Sexually experienced or inexperienced heroes?

Experienced heroines and inexperienced heroes. Play against the type!

Lorraine Heath: When you choose a book do you look for tropes, plots or authors?

Authors, then Tropes. I barely pay attention to plots. 

C.D. Reiss: Puns in titles: 👍 or 👎?

YES. I have picked up books purely because of punny titles. 

Emily Bronte: Favourite cover designs/illustrations & Maya Banks: Least favourite cover design 

I suck a remembering covers so this question is going to get skipped~

Penny Jordan: What would you like to see more of in romance novels?

Diversity and cliche subversions. 

Lauren Blakey: What would you like to see less of in romance novels?

Overplayed cliches played in the same way again and again. Relationships based entirely on sex. 

Betty Neels: What do you think are the high and low points of the genre?

Highs: Romancelandia is probably the most intelligent and nuanced fandom I have ever been a part of and I have been a part of many fandoms. The genre is very, very diverse and there are so many experiments going on in the fringes. Questions and stories about the emotional components of relationships can never get old because there are too many permutations to explore in a few lifetimes.  

Lows: The core of the romance novel industry is still trying desperately to hold on to tropes and themes of older days, many of which are regressive. 

Jill Shalvis: Finish this sentence: “Romance novels are__________”

complex social commentaries. 

[elizabethrobertajones]

13x09 watching notes

This was my watching set up today:

http://bocken.gavle.se/kamera/

Mittens, like 2 days ago: "so are you going to finish your wayward sisters rewatch by next episode?" Me: "hahaahahahaha no... I have all Christmas and into January before the Big Day, right?" me, internally: "right?????? Oh god please think this is intentional and I've got a timeline for it" Mittens: "yeah :)" Me: "cool :)"

-

Expectations: Avengers Assemble!!

(Or at least the equivalent of the first half hour of it which puts them all together :P)

I want to love Kaia and in the 0.5 seconds I've seen of her smashing Jack in the face I absolutely do and I understand being protective of the nougat child but seriously look at it from her POV so how was that even wank I saw yesterday. But I also want a lot more Kaia so that I can love her for other reasons, because "punched the nougat child" is understandably unsustainable.

Don't particularly need her to be introduced with the exact same shot Alex AND Claire were introduced with especially as I watched 9x19 second to last and will watch 10x09 but I have a worry since Jack was busting her out of somewhere and it would make Cas to Claire parallels for Jack's sake to be Cas :P

This is Berens though and he loves him some Wayward Sisters, and there doesn't seem to be much reason to worry about anything. They'll give us a midseason cliffhanger but THOSE are cool, and they'll set it up for the girls to deal with so that's VERY VERY cool, so my one and only concern and not in a paranoid character stanning way but an "oh no" is worrying Jack will fuck up and take it even MORE badly and go from trying to help to full on unstable descent as he starts to think he can't be saved from being evil... but no biggie :P Because of the nature of the entire enterprise it's pretty hard to be concerned about what happens to Sam and Dean just because the story is briefly leaning away from being ABOUT them. And more like happening TO them, that they end up needing to be rescued. So I have like... no worst case scenario for them that would upset me.

So I hope, as a real consideration, as the 2 rando gruff old hunters the girls meet, they don't come across too poorly because wowza doing the WS watch has made me realise how often when a leading lady is the star of the episode, Sam and Dean are used for casual misogyny to empower their arcs, and OBVIOUSLY that's how it just IS for women and all but when you're rooting for these guys in all the OTHER episodes, being reminded that even when they're normally mostly chill guys as soon as you flip it around and write a woman in their world obviously they're gonna fuck up and it would be unrealistic for them NOT to considering how ingrained it is in the way men are raised in society and blah blah blah this rewatch is taking me Too Deep but they got to stop telling the woman to stay behind and they can handle it because they might think "because we're the professionals" but I got to tell them how it looks from another perspective sometimes, and I feel exhausted on Jody's behalf all of a sudden :P

Anyway based on Jack running around grabbing Kaia and trying to do something heroic for Sam and Dean he's very much playing the toxic masculinity tropes and they may be more passive and the object of HIS quest in a narrative level, on the back foot with Jack and the chaos he'll cause on the level of the action.

It's baby's first narrative villification :') They fly the nest so soon.

*downs the rest of my coffee* Let's do this!

-

Recap: PATIENCE!!!

Also Jack

"You can use him as some sort of inter dimensional can opener and it ends bad" who ever woulda thought

More Patience! She's way more important.

And Jody's comment about it being her choice. I saw some criticism of Jody for being part of not respecting Patience here by telling her what to do like they all just offer her conflicting advice and she's undermining her father or veiled criticism of her for not going along with Dean or whatever, but it was supposed to be the same tone of her offering Alex help - which Berens wrote so he'd KNOW - that if the men deciding for her have decided wrong, and she NEEDS help or to use her powers to save people, Jody will be there, and it was NOT an order or a "if you change your mind, there's me" it was reaching out in case of the inevitable turmoil and I guess a suspicion it wouldn't leave Patience alone just because she wanted the powers to. That she had one foot in the life whether she likes it or not and if no one else will be there for her - and in respects to this Patience has been failed by her father AND Missouri - then Jody will help before someone else has to scrape up the pieces.

Anyway more montage of the car driving around, like, hey look these guys do this... reminding us what show we've come FROM.

Re-write history a little bit that the dialogue in 13x02 that Sam turned into being about Mary was not, when Dean was talking, about Mary 100%, since he's weighed like at least 70/30 to Cas over Mary, while Sam was just bringing up Mary first all the time... Interesting how these things get reshuffled for recapping - it's probably because on the nose Buckleming dialogue and Sam and Dean talking about Jack while he's in shot with them. It’s actually been SO much about Cas for Dean I wonder if they had to fish around for a neutral scene to turn into Mary angst.

Also moving Jack's dialogue about feeling bad in 13x04 that he didn't feel anything, to after 13x06 when he ran away - now you could argue soulless!Sam was motivated to keep doing broadly the right thing with hunting etc because he thought it was what was right even when he didn't have a soul to guide him, but Jack literally is being powered by an attack of conscience and fear that he's NOT good which has him all spun out and emotional and so on. So whatever he's struggling with I still see it as at WORST 50% lack of empathy because of being HALF human and half angel - and angels can care, they just aren't wired for it to be very sustainable or for them to be good at coping with it. Too much in the establishing Jack stuff has been about how he feels for him NOT to feel anything whether it's pertinent or not in this exact scenario.

-

OH GOSH I thought that was Kaia making out with a lady in the immediate open of the episode just because this guy has the same length hair and we were still fading in

my hopes are high but I'm not sure they were THAT high :P

-

"Speak of the devil" "Hello!"

Yeah see above narrative villification. There's SOME dramatic irony that Jack is still adorable and not badly intentioned like Lucifer, or that we wouldn't expect him to be right now, but it's still now comparing him in a dark way to Lucifer.

Also kinda low key reassuring that Lucifer is still on a narrative level a bad guy at least for now and especially in relation to Jack and in the contrast to Cas as a positive influence on him. For Jack, though, we've gone full circle from Jack saying "father" and us expecting it to be Lucifer but it's not, to this guy joking the devil is on the other side of the door and instead we get Jack... And unfortunately this has to be the ill-fated Derek mentioned in one of the later promo clips...

-

"You're... young!"

"I am!"

I have to say, everything he says I read with a :3 smilie after it. His mouth is shaped like that kinda.

-

So the first question of the episode is, where did Jack get money and PLEASE say it's the ole Doctor Who sonic screwdriver an ATM method.

-

Well the first question would be: wait can he do like SERIOUS research by either flapping around investigating or can he just stone cold read this guy's ancestry because he's kinda scary but his powers ARE cosmically timey wimey.

-

Derek is also wearing a white henley. Jack's earlier innocence being killed in him by use of Jack's powers? :(

-

Oh noooo Derek don't go there!!!

It's kinda terrifying how he just kind of dabbles in the terrifying AU but I suppose if it doesn't hurt him to get more than glimpses...

JACK GET YOUR HANDS OFF THAT MAN'S TEMPLES AND GO TO YOUR ROOM

-

If nothing else you're burning his feet

-

Nope you apparently burned out his eyes too. Smooth, kid.

-

He acted oblivious to the fact Derek was dead in the later clip and looked truly upset about it, so unless we see it again from Jack's POV or another flashback that he truly left him to it and he was burned out after by something else/something that happened to him because of this AFTER Jack left, it seems waaay more likely that if it was his powers he really did kill him on the spot - whether he instantly flapped away once he'd seen what he wanted without checking how Derek was, or bolted when the connection broke without realising that Derek was dead... 

It LOOKS really bad on camera to us now, and it's going to look worse that Jack has a different version of events to what we saw on screen - yes we don't see Derek die on camera with Jack there and we cut from Jack doing that to Derek dead on the floor with no Jack, but the way it was cut it makes the intervening space not particularly hard to imagine at this point if you think Jack fucked it up after pushing Derek into it 

In any case whether Jack meant to kill him or not and he DID and it's the sort of body count one accrues while trying to do a greater good to later feel terrible about in Winchester angst style. But in this case the greater good is to bring back Mary which means we already have one entire dead person to weigh against having her, a single other life, back. Not like one in the face of saving the planet 

Anyways showing Jack's lack of empathy or consideration - I don't want to say compassion because I think that is a learned response, but he also hasn't learned to be CAREFUL with other people, to see them as weaker and more breakable than he is when he steps up to Derek and starts, like, boiling his feet... Like Cas in 9x11 NOT using them up for some supposed better end. Cas describes that mercilessness as something the "old him" would have done and that only on the other side of having been human did he have the learned appreciation for not doing that to Sam, even though he considered him his friend long before that.

Of course, Jack hasn't even mastered asking people if he CAN use his powers on them 

-

And going from close up of his eyes to the title card... IT DON’T LOOK GOOD.

-

Why is Dean calling Patience aside from to remind us he knows her.

He's asking for help. I think with hindsight of feeling a wee bit better since Cas is back he knows he was pretty harsh to her at least about NEVER using her powers and just going for the easy life - that he spoke from the really dark place in his heart about it all. I suppose also a sign of their desperation - that he has exhausted all ends which might normally work, and Patience is a wild card resource for them to try.

As if that was breaking and going back on his previous stance, it cosmically unlocks Jody phoning in with a tip off about Jack's last known whereabouts and the horrifying news, because Dean has backtracked on dictating what Patience should do with her powers, and giving her a choice to come help them if she can... she can still reject it or apologise that she needs to get on with school and stuff if she wants because it's not truly her place to help, but Dean's no longer sick to the stomach at the idea of another kid getting dragged into the life, and I don't think JUST because of desperation but also because his mood has changed. It’s not AS black and white.

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I love how much they work with Jody :D This is the sort of feeling that since *season 8* I've been feeling was missing - just using her even off-screen in episodes she isn't in as an acknowledgement she's a part of their lives and resources. I mean yeah it's all to a point NOW and has noticeably spiked in how often she's mentioned since WS was on the table for realsies, but... I like it

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I love Patience's phone case.

Oh, he called SIX times, okay he's pretty needy. Perhaps this is a "while Dean's been driving up to where Jack attacked Derek every time they make a stop he calls again because NOW he's truly desperate" thing 

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Honestly though, if she's psychic why does she need to study? Can't you just... psychic up the answers on the day? :P

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She's honest about Dean calling her, which is good. She's actually good at communication and not keeping it a secret. And I suppose seeking answers from her father about if this is something she should do - and knowing he'll say no so she can tell him and he can assure her she doesn’t need to answer the call, and that's that decided.

But NOW she lies to James about not having any visions, and you can see it in her face that this is why she flunked the test, and that Dean's calls might be something she's flip flopping on SPECIFICALLY but they're representing a call back to the life to her and she's struggling to resist it or ignore the visions. She can be honest to a point but it's still eating her up inside and the lie about her visions, about having to pretend to be normal, is where it’s getting to her

*nudges her out the door*

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"He had quite the freaky imagination" "he hated that word" *sam immediately leaps on "freaky?"* because theeeemes while she meant "imagination"

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There's giants in an AU out there somewhere

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Dean just spotted the AU world he's been to, riiiight as she says he was a dream walker.

So they know he wasn't making any of it up.

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Oooh do you suppose he painted the Thunderbird on the wall of the building? That would be awesome. I wonder if that was just doing art or if he saw it ever...

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Anyway promo scene number 1. Dean makes the assumption that Jack is looking for Lucifer, right back to the start of the season for him, having to assume the worse and feeling really bad that Jack's not learned anything - that him going dark, hurting people HAS to be about Lucifer. 

See also: speak of the devil dramatic irony. We KNOW Lucifer isn't still in the AU. Jack may or may not have sensed him returning but he's unbothered by it and has his own motivations, to help THEM. It's the same as when Cas was back but they didn't know yet and continued to grieve him - Dean's wrong about this but once again the framing of what they don't know has happened in other parts of the story is being used really well. 

This is something I feel has been missing from past seasons and used WELL, which is to emphasise and play off what the other parts of the story are doing. Sam and Dean are considerably more oblivious than we are about the story and we're seeing them scramble by to make do. It's a good way to have them at a disadvantage where they can be as smart as their little noggins can possibly be and they're still working on bad intel but it's OUR advantage to know what it is and know more than them in this way, instead of feeling like they're being obtuse about stuff, it's on the epic level of who's dead or alive or off in an AU or our world that they have no clue about.

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Sam hacks Derek’s email to find out about Kaia as the next dreamwalker on the list aaaand heeere she is!

Unlike Claire in her intro she has absolutely crappy nail polish that's all scratched off, and she's DESTROYING a plastic cup. Just a first shot of her hands and great character stuff :D

Awww no she's in rehab :( I hate this counsellor guy because he's just chucking her story at her in front of ALL these people? Like this is not how group chats should work, she's just being called out here! :( She should be allowed privacy until she's ready to talk about it, especially if she's only just ended up here and is probably still detoxing if she's still so fidgety and ESPECIALLY if she was sent here as a correctional thing.

Like wow no wonder she's on the defensive.

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Blaaah I guess Trump did something between seasons to oust poor old fake president Rooney. I have no clue what's going on there and I don't want to ask but maybe Jack should look into what happened to his un-talked-about other father on the list :P

This does sort of confirm that there literally is a weird Buckleming AU though that we pass in and out of. They should really get Jack to help them with that too while they're at it.

I love Kaia's snark though, 10/10 who cares about plotholes. Give him a piece of your mind!

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It's come up before, a few times in the periphery but I've *always* been concerned about the psychics who don't get support they need and end up in the system either locked up for their experiences with BEING psychic or in this case trying to cope with it while not knowing what the heck is going on or how to control it. It seems like Kaia had a mentor in Derek (oh no) and he could have helped but not enough right away to help teach her NOT to go to "the bad place" so she's been spiralling and self-medicating and if there had been a way out through Derek in her future without interruption... Not any more, she doesn't even know she's at her lowest point yet, though it probably already feels like it :(

It puts her in a STARK contrast to Patience with a ~similar~ gift as in they're both psychic but Patience has a cushy middle class life and currently uses her father as a support system no matter how much they're on different pages. Kaia is probably about as disadvantaged as you can get in America >.> I can see immediately how she'd pair better with Claire who might have started lower middle class or whatever strata that was where you own a nice house and have all that bland Novak lifestyle she grew up with, but lost it all and spent her formative years in the foster system as someone with nothing, albeit at least being white >.> And Alex was raised in a sketchy vampire basement but fell into being a Sheriff's daughter, became preppy with social aspirations and is now on track to being a nurse, all of which has made her since 11x12 the social aspirant like Sam was with his law school in parallel to Claire continuing to Dean extremely loudly.

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Jack's evil smile from 13x01 is back. That thing where they cast someone who could look literally 1 days old adorable sniff the baby’s head cute in one moment and super scary spawn of satan in the next - he hasn't been framed like this since the last cut to ad break on someone stumbling across him in the wilderness with no clue how dangerous he might be of Sheriff Barker driving up to the naked guy harassing the people at the Salty Butt Place. Now we know unlike the hypothetical which was subverted to him being the nougat child in 13x01, that he poses a very very real threat to Kaia.

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Jack is the Worst At Lying, still - he just radiates that peace and purpose which is the most terrifying mood for people to have in this show because if they think they know what they're doing and they're doing it for good, then they're really really not. He is getting exponentially better at research and understanding context cues, regardless - he didn't know "what's your poison" but when Kaia asked him why he was here, he tried to pretend he was also admitted to the facility and he has some awareness of a class A drug and even if he's not even really trying to act anything, he knows this is something to say to fit in in a scenario where he doesn't fit. Like Cas, his mannerisms really betray him.

So he goes right back to the truth, telling Kaia he knows her name and he's here for her when she brushes him off as being uninterested in helping him - as of course she doesn't feel that she belongs. So he tells her the truth, to the degree that he probably stole all this from Derek's head while discovering there was another, more powerful dreamwalker and that this is what DEREK thought of her (ow ow ow).

Oh gosh I love this shot of the Impala pulling up from outside through the barred windows - in this case we're looking at them from the inside out - they're not imprisoned, they're in the sun and a light rain and free agents, and the next shot they pull up and the chicken wire is off to the side in the other third of the frame showing them OUTSIDE it. It's more dramatic irony - Kaia dithers, then chooses to go after Jack - the car pulls up behind the window but she has no idea what that means like we do, no idea that these are the people who would save her and warn her about what Jack did.

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ALSO THE TIMING ON PULLING OFF A CHARACTER INSIDE RUNNING OFF AND THEN CHANGING FOCUS TO CHARACTERS IN A CAR PULLING UP OUTSIDE

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Sam listing how Kaia's entire family is dead. Nice. >.>

They assume her OD was about the death of her entire family (ouch!?!?) and "no wonder" she ended up here, not that it's to do with her powers

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Jack does indeed do the thing where he knocks out someone to help Kaia get free.

And tells her they're just sleeping, just like Cas did with Claire

I would assume the parallels end there - Cas was genuinely motivated to help Claire yes to make himself feel better about not honouring his promise but also that promise was there and see also 9x11, learning compassion from the other side, beginning to understand his place in the world better, and finally making right what was a wrong he caused 6 years previously. Whereas Jack is doing this entirely self motivated without even a consideration of what Kaia would get from it - her freedom only benefits him and her powers only benefit his.

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He's also getting way more dark in his attitude - "You're not the only one with powers" and about the door being triple locked, "was it?" - he's growing in confidence about what he can do and how other people and things relate to him.

Aka he's starting to get a sense of where he is in the food chain >.>

These lines in particular make me even more wary of how he's changed, when Sam and Dean catch up to him in a few seconds for the next promo scene.

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Meanwhile Kaia takes him down a few pegs because he's visibly spiralling just because he's being rejected and he doesn't know how to handle that - very very raise an eyebrow symbolic about how Kaia appreciating the jail break but no thanks to being used is treated by Jack, now placed as our Grabby Young Man Who Doesn't Know What No Means.

"She hit me!" "Yeah, good." 

I love casual feminist Dean Winchester. It's not that he thinks Jack should be hit because he's evil, but because you have to learn to be nice to women when you're a grabby dude who overpowers them. Treatment of women is basically made synonymous to not being a dick about his powers, as he's been shown being over-confident. He's the over-privileged white boy. (perhaps a good reason NOT to have cast him as non-white if this is a longer theme)

I've been saying all season not to get too precious about Jack eventually being treated differently by the narrative but I can still predict a mile off people being upset after they got invested in him to the point of this now being idk ooc or that the writers are being mean to him >.>

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I already wrote in my tags about this promo scene how excited I was about the need/want stuff going on here - that Need is once more being framed as really really bad, that Want is being made clear to be different from need but when Jack is doing this for them, because he thinks it's what they wants, he is missing the nuance that want isn't the same as that you SHOULD do it or that it's the morally right thing to do.

Dean has been warned by Billie not to go poking at the AU after all, and that means any wants about Mary in it are now firmly placed on the other side of that cosmic line, that he can WANT her back but he can't HAVE her back.

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To his credit Jack really does look pretty horrified that Derek is dead as I remembered and thought that can’t be the whole story from the open.

But he swaps pretty quickly to talking about what he's been doing, after sparing only a moment for him - already compared to the guard, he can shrug it off, especially as he feels his actions are justifiable to a greater purpose and he didn’t mean to kill him. Being able to set aside collateral damage is *especially* a Sam trait, as Sam works in Greater Good utilitarian morality, which is not a bad thing in some ways - it's a good leader trait. But this mission of Jack's has been cosmically warned AGAINST.

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Jack carries on talking past the promo scene about how he's been nosing around to other worlds, which is pretty much making Billie shudder in her office >.>

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"I researched, like you taught me." Why does that sound like it should inspire a note of regret about teaching him 

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Oh we ARE getting flashbacks to Jack's perspective on meeting Derek. Good, I was hoping we would, at least if not that he didn’t kill him, to see Jack's rationale or that he truly had no idea...

"I could see what he saw" OH BOY IS THAAAT A BAD PHRASE

Maybe just because I was writing about the end of 9x19 like 2 days ago but Momma uses basically a light version of this re: transforming Alex, to what Crowley's big old speech in 9x23 to Dean was, where obviously there was that line. There was another "see what I see" somewhere in either season 8 or early season 9 that made me absolutely flip a table when I heard it, but I can't recall what episode right now, and busy watching too much to go look :P

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Maryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

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Okay so we see a glimpse, just a lil one, of Jack reassuring Derek - at this point I have to go with angels cleaning up after Jack but that may have been a big fake out but it's reminding us to be critical of his behaviour and that goes with his treatment of Kaia which very very much was something to be critiqued >.>

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Mary's alive! We don't get much time for Sam and Dean to react to that but it's Dean who makes the louder surprise noise, because he had to let go of Mary - unfortunately telling him she's alive is like the one thing that would make him most likely to break the universe if it means saving her from something awful. Which is probably why Billie sent him back without telling him, because telling himself Mary was dead was actually healthy in the circumstances he didn't know better about

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Boop

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(I love this effect)

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We're getting a lot of repetition, of what Jack sees this scene.

But this time with the "help me!!!" for Sam and Dean to respond to.

And Dean immediately says, "Mom!" because now she's ASKED for help.

(And just last episode we saw Dean strung up in hell yelling for help)

of course Cas saved him that time and it was a no personal consequences, just cosmic consequences resurrection - aka no personal cost on Sam or Dean for it, but it WAS how to get the apocalypse rolling. Awfully convenient that the second seal doesn't get broken until Dean's back alive, even though he broke in hell a month ago by their reckoning :P

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And while Jack continues to explain to Sam what happened with Derek - how he stopped because Derek wasn't strong enough (he shouldn't have been forcing him in the first place because he still hurt him even if he may not have been the one to kill him?) we get them blurred out, their voices blurred, as we get Dean and his sad music, as he realises how he spent MONTHS trying to get over Mary and tell himself she was dead but that he was wrong and she needed help and it all hits him at once :(

Oh no Dean.

You've got to be stronger than this. D:

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"Kaia, she's the key"

Cut to Kaia sticking out her hand, again - more close ups on her hands, and she's hitching a lift.

I'm no expert,  but this is an angel, isn't it

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DUDE you didn't have to knock her out - she WANTED a lift.

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Although maybe that close up on the knife was to say Kaia spots it, hesitates and gets knocked out because she's not being quick enough to get in the car and might rightfully wonder what that knife is about.

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They really cast Patience to be someone whose eyeballs we wouldn't mind seeing up close all the time.

What on earth is she seeing. That's not the main AU because it has trees and a scary animal skull, but it's Sam and Dean and Jody all together in the same place getting stabbed. Even with her vision filter, that blue-ness is like the blue other world we seem to see Claire and Kaia in together, at least, in the promo stuff for 13x10.

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Other worlds all seem to suck and be some variation of Purgatory. Let's have a fairy world already.

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Lo and behold it was an angel kill and they're hunting Jack, and he's unfortunately showed his hand by being interested in dreamwalkers, so now the angels are if lures him in >.>

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Nooooo Kaia has to find out Derek died this way.

She doesn't even know what a Winchester is!!! D:

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"You were right, this whole time, we should have been looking for her."

"I was just hoping. I didn't know."

Of course their stances are flipping - now with concrete proof Sam has to re-emphasise he was never doing this search because he knew all along that it was true, but Dean deals with objective truths so much - she's dead, she's not dead, and that his actions HAVE to have been one or the other. He's giving HIMSELF the "you should have looked for me in Purgatory" treatment, despite being on the same side as Sam in 7x23 while he thought Mary was dead and gone and there's no hope because what do THEY know about inter dimensional travel.

Sam's got what we could call a meta writer hunch - he had an idea based on that he could read Mary not being murdered in front of him and the idea she lived beyond the portal was the subtext. Sam doesn't want vindication he was right, he was just interpreting what he saw in a way that made the story he hoped for. Just because it pans out doesn't mean that he is any more knowledgeable or had a reason to INSIST things were one way or the other. Dean made his own interpretation from the same knowledge and came to a different reading, the more negative, miserable one, the one that didn't allow the story to continue after he could see it, but that it ended as soon as it was off-screen from his eyes.

Listening to Sam would have done NOTHING more for them in the time between 12x23 and now.

And in this season where dramatic irony about what happens where they can't see it is running the story... yeah, wrong direction.

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"We find her, no matter what it takes" "Yup."

Oh dear, dear Winchesters.

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I'd say "never change" but literally the entire point of everything since 8x01 has been "maybe pls change just a lil like not asking a lot maybe just don't... unleash untold havoc for the sake of saving family?"

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Dean checks in with Jack. "You okay?"

Jack's pretty upset about them just assuming he turned evil and killed Derek.

But while he didn't do that, the narrative HAS turned to questioning how he is behaving, at least to course correct. Does he know Dean said "good" about Kaia hitting him because he thought Jack was evil and should be punished, or because he needs to learn not to grab?

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In any case, it forces some honest communication about what they thought, so perhaps they'll be able to work from this later about nuances >.>

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Dean confirms that they're Jack's family, which is nice. They probably need to hear Jack confirming that Lucifer ISN'T anything to him, but like with 13x01 reminding us that Lucifer's called out to Jack before, the recap of this episode reminded us Lucifer's called out to Jack before. Whether he is or isn't, whether Jack remembers him doing it or not (actually, 13x07 had Asmodeus doing it too, reminding us Lucifer had done it outside of recaps), the fear is there in what WE know as well, so the story is using what we know possibly AGAINST us to feed worries about what Jack may or may not do.

(BTW idk how obvious it is but I love treating these watches with the full treatment of what casual eyes might see as well as what I do - like rolling with misdirections - especially since I watch with casual viewers, my mum and my friend Cat, and I need to, well, see what they see. And to understand why they're seeing it. Because I think fandom arguments go down some utterly ridiculous pits of self-wankery, and I like to keep my impression of what the show is doing right up with what it's been recently TELLING us it's doing which the casual eye spots better than the meta eye (and my mum and Cat have 2 different surface text interpretations on Jack). 

Whether this element ever comes into play I don't particularly care, like, I'm not making some huge spec that Lucifer's gonna manipulate Jack this way or something, but the reminders this happens, that the casual viewer may still be expecting Jack to be evil, that Sam and Dean CAN worry even at this stage that as soon as Jack disappears he's returning to Lucifer, seeing that alignment as NARRATIVELY compelling, even if Jack says it's not EMOTIONALLY compelling... If NOTHING else happens with this it's part of the emotional tone they're setting here... I'm preemptively defensive of the people defending Jack like this is all not a part of his story because he's inherently sweet)

And he considers Sam and Dean and Cas his family now, changing up from 13x01 where he was just asking for his father, and DEAN is the one who says, yes, we consider each other family. Weird as you are, so help me, I appear to have adopted you dammit.

I don't know if Jack can understand yet that Sam and Dean reacting like this might be also hurt on their side that Jack leaves, that if he starts hurting people, if he goes back to Lucifer, that's a loss and a defeat not just because they wanted to use Jack or to mould him to be good just to protect people from him, but a personal loss for them, that they couldn't save Jack, that he rejected their family.

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And Dean validates Jack that looking for Mary was a "good thing" even though it's been dubious and presumptuously good and well-motivated (e.g. personal good decided by what benefits the Winchesters and their wants not the world) at BEST and at worst is gonna knock down Billie's cosmic house of cards.

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I'm so proud of Patience immediately packing up and leaving when people are in danger. I mean her goodness was never ever in question but yeah :P

I like how her visions are like Sam's - their timing comes with enough room for her to do something about it :P

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Oooooooooooooh shit James still has all his issues, he literally reverse-John Winchesters Patience "you choose that life, you don't come back". Same phrasing he used on Sam when Sam wanted to go to college, when Patience is like bye bye gonna go save people for a day or two, back soon.

He wants to emotionally blackmail her to stay and be safe but he CAN'T see what she sees - which is that people are going to die and those images are going to haunt her. Better to risk exile and keep people alive than to stay and feel like she was a coward.

...

On the other hand if Kaia or Claire doesn't snark at her that Patience is upset Daddy cut off her credit card at some point or another what even is the point :P

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We're never gonna get to see that night with Sam and John now. But here's a reverse stand in to get us started on Wayward Sisters!

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"You picked the wrong bait, I'm not the sort of girl people come for."

I need Claire to rescue her like eighty times in a row in defiance of that pls. Not that I want Kaia to be a victim, I just want her to feel like she matters to someone <3

"I'm not white, rich, blond... No one's going to fight for me. I don't matter."

:<

*protectively adopts her in the meantime over Christmas if she doesn't get to meet Claire yet*

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I love how Jack is just like Fuck You to the angels because they keep killing people and kidnapping people - not a great incentive for him to help them but they're doing how they always do or are no better than demons any more.

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They also claim Jack should be "among his own kind" - he can pick which side he favours, but his half-angel side is certainly causing him more trouble than his half-human side >.> And he's been given NO incentive to identify as angel, although he accepts Cas as his real father it's an emotional bond, and while it neatly balances to give him an angel father and a human mother, Cas himself is an exile from Heaven for caring too much, and they wanted to use HIM as bait for Jack, until they lost him, and got this better lead on what Jack was looking for instead of Cas.

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Also Heaven isn't exactly doing much to save Cas now are they? :P

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n.b. unlike the Winchesters I suspect they know what's happened to Cas.

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Anyway the belonging theme for Jack.

But he can pick easier "I am home."

YEAH. Now Cas needs to do it, because Jack is his anchor if nothing else.

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Kaia like "WHAT THE FUCK"

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WOAH Dean came close to Billie sighing and filing that notebook.

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"Are you okay?" "NO WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

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Kaia having some issues with bad angels but you're the son of satan??? What???

"the whole world's insane, you get used to it."

Her FACE is amazing.

D:

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Contractually obliged as a shitposter to point out Sam talking about opening a door while waving his hand like that

I hate everything

Why the 6x15 parallels huh? :P

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But yeah now Sam and Dean are on the save Mary train they want to use Kaia too.

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Kaia like... "No." USE THAT NO. You don't have to break the world if you don't want to!!!

She points out rightfully that the angels only wanted her because if Jack did - if he backs off she's in no trouble and she can forget this ever happened. This whole thing is forcing her into it and if dudes being shitty about her boundaries kick off the whole mess for Wayward Sisters... lol

"We NEED you to dreamwalk for us" nope.

DEREK is the one who saw the AU. She ONLY goes to the Bad Place. If it's the blue AU, the one full of blood and death and *monsters* is she being literal, that WAS a monster skull, and the entire thing is that she's tapping a DIFFERENT AU, one full of much worse things, Purgatory-esque, and the reason for all this dark blue on everyone... That Kaia is linked to something different?

And they're just reading "the bad place" as she calls it as "well clearly that's our AU" without considering the horrors of what else might be out there in the cosmic multiverse?

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OH NO She's been clawed up by the monsters there!

GUYS PAY ATTENTION TO CONTEXT SHE IS BEING MAULED BY MONSTERS IN HER DREAMS. RANDO AU DEMONS WOULDN'T DO THAT TO HER. DID YOU NOT SEE THE SKULL - oh wait, Patience did.

Patience, come save your new future sister, kay? :P

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Woops, I thought Dean might crack with the blurry out bit earlier where it was all hitting him how he hadn't been saving Mary the entire time and he put the "you didn't look for me in Purgatory" weight on HIMSELF.

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This definitely makes Dean being a bit of a dick to Donna in 10x08 look light in comparison :P I was saying up the top that the dudes look bad in these episodes because it's about the girls and their shit! And now Dean's abruptly been shattered by Jack's revelation about Mary.

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Well Sam looks worried but he's not freaking arguing about this while Dean ABDUCTS A GIRL.

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FYI Mary might be yelling for help but she also does not approve.

And this is the example Dean is setting for Jack - he tells him off for grabbing Kaia earlier but then when it comes to her most important ability to say no this episode, Dean snaps and insists she does it anyway. That this is "good".

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I think Jack's visions are dangerous. Whether he manipulated Cas or not it's clear that with this parallel, what Cas saw was NOT GOOD for him, that when Jack shows you something it's stretching what you're SUPPOSED to know. He's dangerous on a cosmic scale not just because of his powers but the compulsion of what they can and can't do for you. Dean is the centre of the universe in other ways, the cosmic firewall, the balance. Billie was managing him as best she could, keeping him alive and on the job, and NOT telling him about Mary. Not giving him the motivation to do this. Jack casually shows them stuff they Can't Know, and it has literally driven Dean over the brink into threatening a girl with a gun and abducting her to use her powers, because this is cosmically UNBALANCED. It's WRONG. And now Dean is wrong, he's broken and hurt and Jack didn't MEAN to do this to him, but his vision still caused it.

-

I am surviving this by staring at a stinking adorable piggie I made last night, every time I get too stressed. Do you want to see?

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Sam is trying to SUBTLY course-correct Dean but I think we're a bit far for that - it's literally counter knocking him out and talking him down when he's not right in front of the temptation.

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Oh yes I know Berens co-wrote 12x19 so I'm giving this all the credit it's due that Jack's visions are not to be fucked with, and they can derail you utterly by playing on the thing you need most. 

This is *literally* the stance I've been taking the entire time with what he did to Cas and I don't know if the debate got derailed in one direction by the fight for Cas's agency and in another by Jack having to be inherently good, but I'm literally seeing this as Jack is inherently a nougat child and that's been long established. But he did the thing again to Sam and Dean, and Dean had a light demonstration of how he would tell Jack to respect Kaia and all, but as soon as Jack boops him he's got a new dangerous element in his head of the Terrible Knowledge Jack has which should NEVER have been shared. 

It's BROKEN Dean. It played off his most vulnerable aspects - his need to save, MARY, the loss and pain and walling Mary up in his mind as lost at sea, and now here she is stranded on a desert island and Kaia's the one ship that can navigate to it? His actions are irrational, and dangerous, and he's not in his right mind because his right mind was overridden by Jack's vision. EVEN IF THESE ARE HIS CHOICES they are not choices he was supposed to be making to the point of Billie, the highest power who's even remotely helpful in this world now God isn't answering, SPECIFICALLY having the most intense conversation of the show since the first time he had a sit down chat with Death, to warn him NOT TO DO THIS. But it’s such terrible, irresistible knowledge it changes his entire personality.

"That sounds like us" he said in 13x05

Cas making off with Jack to protect him and stop talking to Dean sounds like Cas. >.> Remember in 8x22 when Dean was pissed that Cas disappeared from the Bunker and he'd just gone to buy toilet paper and pie, and got derailed onto Metatron preying on his misery about breaking Heaven and his need to redeem? Metatron took a lunch date and an ease-him-in mission to manipulate him into it. Anyway Jack doesn't need to do that because he can just show the one thing that will utterly, utterly break you down and lo and behold Dean's now doing this without question, UNABLE to question. Literally, like, 10x22 shoot the kid levels of dangerous.

Dean is now the strongest answer that Cas was utterly changed by his encounter with Jack in 12x19 and I don't CARE about if it was for a greater good or not or that in some ways Cas actually seemed happy and at peace in 12x23 or 13x06 talking to Jack, because the discussion wasn't about if it was good or not, if Cas and Jack can’t be good despite that, if they earn it, just if it happened on way or the other. At least for what I was interested in. Because I like Jack and I think he's good and always thought they'd play it either good or down the middle because it's just more interesting.

It's just... He's too powerful. He's dangerously powerful. Maybe we will or won't see what he showed Cas, but when he shows Dean something in a mirror moment, Dean is fundamentally harmed to the core to the point of plunging into the depths of the worst we've ever seen him. It's the sort of knowledge that could drive someone insane, if this was a slower story - a Gothic novel where Dean learns this truth and can't do anything to save his mother for 200 pages but now he KNOWS.

Better not to know - Billie sent him back before she could betray anything about it to him. But as I said back in 13x05 that was the accidental hope, the chink in his certainty that I think he wishes he had known sooner, when Jack was still in their control, that they could have acted even just a few weeks sooner. That he should have listened to Sam and been encouraging that horrifying tutoring of Jack to use his powers that was shown for Sam to be a bad path to connecting with Jack, and in 13x03 (hi Berens) Sam recognised was forcing Jack too hard to do what he wanted. To the point of giving Jack a meltdown about if his powers made him good or evil under that pressure.

... And if they break the world, Jack's not going to think much better of himself or the goodness of the Winchesters :S

-

Jack apologising again.

"I'm sorry," he says, and it always sounds so weird coming out of his mouth. It always sounds like he knows he's supposed to say it, but he's curious about what it means, that he doens't quite understand it. It was a full on "I'm sorry?" the first time in 13x01, but even now it lifts at the end of the phrase, not sinking into apology.

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He's mansplaining to Kaia how she can help.

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DON'T SHOW KAIA THINGS. STOP SHOWING PEOPLE THINGS.

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Five seconds... Uhoh.

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He really likes doing that to people.

"Our powers can be good. We can do good things in this world."

STOP MAGICALLY MANSPLAINING AS WELL

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Sorry, sorry.

Look they're all on this bizarre righteous crusade and she should choose, sure, and she's choosing to feel ABDUCTED. BECAUSE SHE WAS ABDUCTED AT GUN POINT

Jack might make her feel a wee bit better about her powers being part of a wider picture - of what she might see if she starts to control them. And again, abducted at gun point, she agrees to let Jack show her but this is an awful, forced situation for her, and it might be a first step on her journey where they finally start to relate about powers and he can ease how bad it feels for her, but this whole thing is happening to save MARY and... argh. It's a mess. She might be mildly more cooperative because he did that but at the same time it reeks of him trying to make her see things his way because he's on this mission to get Mary back and do some real good, and doing this, showing her things, makes her compliant. Empathy or not. Purposefully manipulating or just trying to help. It happens.

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Wheeeee car chase

Wheeee stunts

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Oh yay creepy boats this never goes well.

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They've literally abducted Kaia to their own shady hideout congratulations you're being the villains again :P

Dean faces off against a bunch of angels and it looks really awesome. Run run run big crane shot throw all the money at this! 

wheeeeee action.

The number of angels out there seems worrying, like they're either gonna have to help deal with a problem bigger than this squabble, or they're all going to get obliterated, because once the Winchesters are outnumbered, there's Problems that can only get resolved with Bigger Problems.

-

"Don't worry, we'll be fine." "We're screwed!"

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ANGELS DOING COOL THINGS

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That was awesome

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"We go out guns blazing"

Dean NO.

I hope this is about subverting the ending he thinks he deserves - 12x22 was Berens of course with the discussion of how he thought they'd always die and keeping on bringing it up... Yeah.

-

He apologises for dragging her into the fight - again, not mind controlled, just mind-altered, but in this sort of drama he can still see what's going on, still feel bad for how he got her into being attacked by tons of angels, still come back to himself to see that much, even if he's now unable to let go that Mary is alive and calling for help.

-

And then Kaia and Jack decide they might as well just go to an AU to escape, aka worse problems than all the angels but at least it's novel :P

"Can you take us to our mom?" "Can you do it?"

Sam is in on it too. The forbidden knowledge temptation >.> The spell that unleashed Amara involving the forbidden fruit. I mean. Argh.

-

These angels are so cool. We never see them doing this badass stuff

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"Are you ready?" "no. Let's go."

Love her

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"Okay, I'm there, I'm in the bad place."

Oh no.

There's a monster.

WOAH COSMIC

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He found it! That was such a cool visual of The Comos and I wish I had time to deal with it!!!! 

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Kaia looping between the Bad Place and Mary AAAAAAH

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She's just a scared girl being tormented by monsters from another realm all her life!!!! STOP MAKING HER DOOO THIIIISSSSS

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Ooopppppssssss

I guess you're all in the Bad Place now. Or the angels were vaporised. But Sam n Dean seemed to be too so I'm gonna go with a whole bunch of angels AND Sam n Dean were sent there.

New rift in the creeepy boat. Wondered if this would be a set piece for WS because it's SO big. Having Bad Place Monsters wander into the world from it

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*pats my lil felt pig sadly*

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Jodyyyy. Calling Sam to check in with him, and knock knock here's Patience like MOM HELP

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ALL THE MELTED ANGEL BLADES. AAAAAAAAH

-

Woops no there's a bunch of burned wing prints. So the angels are super dead. Are Sam and Dean super vaporised? I guess not.

-

JACK FOUND MARY

Well at least someone accomplished some damn goals around here. THAT is a great shot of them seeing each other for the first time and she's like... strange boy???

and he's like MOM I AM HERE TO HELP.

Wait.

Grandma.

What the fuck.

What the fuck is wrong with this family tree. Mary is 29, 60, and whatever age Sam Smith is discreetly in between the two, Jack is 3 months old, and fucking 27. There's a 2 year age gap between Jack and Mary and she's his freaking Grandma what the fuck.

I'm just saying, life experience aside, Mary and Jack are both the most fucked up "millenials" in the cosmos.

-

Sam n Dean get to deal with their own nonsense over here in the Bad Place.

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Sam never got to enjoy the whole stranded in Purgatory feel before! FUN FUN FUN.

-

I honestly think after that interview about Kaia that the writers cared more about fleshing out The Bad Place than they do about the Michael AU, that one was introduced to make a point, and to act as a place to stuff Mary and Lucifer for a while. This one is being introduced to cause trouble for Wayward Sisters for at least the first season if they get it, and is Kaia's entire unspoken trauma.

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Dean's like "C'mon" because he knows what to do when you get stranded somewhere.

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HEEEEE it's a giant chicken universe. I LOVE IT.

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CLUCK CLUCK MOTHERFUCKERS