#and i told my mom and she was like damn ngl i think i might be too

[ecstarry]

the one time my brother flirts with a friend of mine is when she’s wearing a costume of a male character

[youuuimeanmee]

My ILY 219 Thoughts

When I first read this chapter on fastpass, my head was in mush the whole day, it feels like I've fallen in love. Even after today, 4 weeks later, I still can't put this chapter down. Everything was so intimate, it might be more intense than any romance media I've read so far. (I swear romance in slice-of-life genre is the best). With all that mush, there's also a silent dread in the back of my head, like, if tonight is the peak of Nolan's happiness since forever, what kind of pain and torture that awaits him in the future? Hhhahah let's stop thinking there.

1. I was pleasantly surprised when Nol was about to apologize to Shinae about the whole awkward-morphine-thing! I thought he's gonna use this opportunity to let her stay away from him, but nope. I forgot this is The Nolan Who-didn't-shy-away-from-Shinae-because-she's special Lochlainn. I should've known, despite the dread of loving (and losing) someone again, he also couldn't let her go easily.

2. The trio! YESS!! I was hoping they'd come! "How are you doing, stranger?" Damn right Shoushi, Nol hasn't introduce himself with his real name yet. "Oh shut up, let us have this!" Damn right Shinae. Just let them love you for God sake.

3. Awww that red blush! That crooked smile! It's the similar crooked smile Yeong-Gi had when Shinae gave him ointment for his scratch!

Nol really is touched by Shinae who doesn't give up on showing her care, despite him pushing her away many times 😭And Daww look at Lil Buddy on Nol's side ready to protect him!

4. Nol:

Also Shinae on ep 2, the first time she met Nol:

😏 Nice throwback Quim 😏

5. Soushi. "It's not like anyone's stealing my lunch money anymore." Is it because Soushi's high school is better than his junior high? Because he has friends who can kick ass now? Or because he kept receiving benefits for being Kousuke's spy? Kinda sus there. BUT! Since he finally realized just how severe Kousuke's relationship with Nol, I should trust him. Plus, Lil Buddy didn't attack him tonight! I trust Lil Buddy who trust Soushi.

6. DUCKIESS!!

If he wasn't impressed before because Dieter only described "Yeong-Gi," not "him," he definitely is now 😭 'Cause the boy who wondered where the duck is in the pond? Now that's Nolan. No wonder Nol is so touched 🥺

7. SoachRoach? Daww Soushi nooo :( I don't want you to consider yourself as a pest! Well, if being a pest means he won't leave Nol alone and continue to be his friend then I don't mind, but still-

8. The "I love you guys!" that Nol exclaimed at Dieter and Soushi, and the silent "I love you so much" that gaze straight into Shinae's eyes is *chef's kiss* 🤌🤌

9. "Shinae! Why are you standing so far away? You're a part of this group too!"

No Dieter, Shinae is a league on her own 😏

10. Haha, the "It's a Girl!" balloon that were changed into "It's a Gift!"? Nice save Shinae, real smooth. And oh, almost forgot. Fun fact, Quimchee said on her cc that if Nol were gonna have a child, he'd definitely want a daughter. Surprise surprise, the balloon Shinae brought on this ep is a gender reveal balloon, with "It's a Girl!" written on it. Quim, are you teasing us? Or is it a foreshadowing 🤣🤣

11. Ngl the panel where Nol is staring at his friends with red/pink sunrise and snowfall is soo pretty it's like shoujo manga. I'm soo sooftt 😭

12. Oh boy. That burger analogy he made is definitely dark. So his birthday is definitely:

1) getting stepped on by Hirahara; and

2) he found his birth/birthday leads to his mom's death/disappereance.

I really hope #2 is just some bs nonsense Yui has told him, but idk. Yui is the master of manipulation, some of what she said might contain some ugly truths, which, could be hard to counter :((

13. "Luck? Maybe bad luck..." Oi Nol, Shinae wouldn't know it was your birthday if it's not for the bible. You won't be able to celebrate your birthday in a good mood if it it's not for the bible. And you definitely wouldn't chase after Shinae in the first place if it's not for Nessa's letter in the bible. So it IS a good luck. How could you forget that?

14. Haha I knew she'd pick the orange! 🤣 But that doodle! I didn't expect her to do that but it's genius 🤣 And that message!

Not only it's a nod to Shinae's line when they first met (Humans suck), it's also the answer of his question earlier!

And it must mean so much to Nol cause, ugh, how do I explain it. For Nol who hate himself so much, hearing "you're a good person" might be a bit too much since it's hard to believe. But "you don't suck that much"? To me, at least, it's easier to take because it means Shinae acknowledged his downsides, but she accepts it anyway. Because she sees some good in him. Because he's special to her. For someone who were used to be told he's nothing? For someone who were told to disappear just a few hours ago by certain someone? That, UGHHH 😭😭

15. Oohh that tapping hand! I remember Nol said he knows how to do scales, so maybe he's playing imaginary piano in his head? Maybe he's reminiscing how his mom used to teach him christmas songs? Don't know if that's really the case but I thought it'll be a nice headcanon :) Shinae must've noticed how lost he is in his own world, so the way she brought him back using a finger dance, it's like she's saying "Don't go. Just look at me." 😭

16. The whole finger dance is so cute, but Nol's darken facee. It's like he's thinking, "Why do you think we can't dance? I don't care how much pain I'm in, I can dance with you. I want to." I swear, Nol's "take your shoes off" is much hotter than any "take off your clothes" from any ML in romance manga.

17. I see Yeong-Gi when I see one. With that smile, that happy remark, and that peek-a-boo? Definitely Yeong-Gi, alright. After he decided to live his life as Nolan, just this once, he wears his mask again to ease Shinae's worry, because he won't let her know alll the pain he felt (maybe I should write an analysis/theories about his motive in the future). He doesn't want to scare her, he wants to see her smile for as long as he could because By Gods he needs it. Their dance is like a sweet, silent goodbye, and they both know it.

18. Lastly, I wanna mention how good Quim is with gestures? Nol is holding only 2 fingers, like he still has a wall that says "I'm only asking you this as a friend. Not that I try to hit on you or anything." Almost like he's scared to invite her, afraid she might be scared of him.

But she's not. She accepted him with her full hand. Yet, he doesn't fully hold her hand because he's not ready to completely accept it, he's not ready to open up yet.

Despite all that, he holds what he can (Shinae's fingers) with all his might, because he's unable to let her go?

QUIMCHEEE 😭😭😭

I wanna write more but it's getting long and there's a pic limit, so I'll continue in another post! I'm gonna dump all my thoughts about what Nol might be thinking the moment he's alone with Shinae. Thank you for reading this far! 😆

[andthatisnotfake]

Ok, rewatching episode 1 (of S3 of Young Royals), comments under the read more. Might include spoilers for later episodes too, FYI.

Kristina comes into the room and doesn't even look at Wilhelm. She walks right past him, sits next to him, and doesn't acknowledge him at all. No matter how much pain she's in, I'm sure she could have mustered a small smile for her son, couldn't she? Or a pat on the leg? Nothing?!?

Ludwig doesn't acknowledge him either, of course. It's funny how concern he seems to be for his wife, but not his teenage son.

The contrast with Linda taking Simon's hand in the car though. The contrast is contrasting!

Simon drawing the heart on the window 🥺

I stand corrected, Wille is actually sitting next to Jan-Olof 🙃

Is August just hungry because of his ED or has he developed gastritis? I wouldn't be surprised.

It's funny how the last season ended with spring coming, the sun shining again, and now, technically just a few days later - oh look, it's a fucking blizzard.

Omar played nervous Simon so well 😭

August's stepfather is so smarmy, he could actually be his father. Him saying there's no proof it was August and the video is relatively innocent... The way I wanted to shake him by the hair until he got bald...

Thank you, Linda, for speaking up (and bringing us up to date with how bad things were for them). The fact that these people, and I'm including Wilhelm here, heard what has said about the neonazi and the threats and completely ignored it makes my blood boil. You're supposed to be outraged as well!

August being upset that people are looking at him as if he's an asshole...

1.2 million kronor sounds like very little, to be honest. I think August might have paid nearly that for Rousseau. And Simon saying August will have to sell Årnas... Are we sure of that? I'd have asked for a lot more.

Wille's little door-leaning... I see you...

The immediate smiles when they see each other 🥺

Simon saying Wille's bedroom is cozy. Sweetie, I appreciate the parallel, but please don't lie.

Let's count how many times they get interrupted. This was the first.

Linda and Kristina looking at Simon and Wilhelm when August's stepfather tells them what they did was funny, ngl. But also, August hates his stepdad, but he seems to have learned very well from him, because his posture is the same. As is the same the way he distorts the truth to gain some advantage at all times, telling Wille Simon had been dealing for them for months, telling Alexander he'd been the only one to defend him against evil Wille, planning that bogus plan of having Alexander take the blame because they can't prove it was him who took the video, just his phone... God, people like this are so infuriating and so damn tiring! It's no wonder Simon just wants this over with.

And August just did it again, saying Wille had also taken the drugs. Technically, true, but he just takes the part of the truth that's convenient to him.

August saying Wille will screw things up himself, I--

And the fact that the RC doesn't seem to care that the newly appointed heir to the throne is someone capable of all this, Goddammit... I bet they actually think it makes him an even better choice, tbh.

Linda's silent anger... Oh, shit. Everyone knows that when you're mom is so angry she goes quiet it's way worse than when she's screaming.

Wilhelm says Erik wouldn't have forgiven August, and I actually do think that might be true, even after what we now know about Erik. I think he'd be an intermediate for the queen with Wille, trying to tell him to deny it was him in the video just like she did, but maybe appealing to Wille's affection. But I still think he'd have chewed on August. Mind you, he wouldn't have told Wille that it had been him either, and he'd definitely have protected August from any possible consequences, but I don't think he'd have forgiven him. Or at the very least he wouldn't be so buddy-buddy with him anymore. I think August would have crossed a line with him. And honestly, I think that might have been the worst punishment for August.

Madison reading tarot cards, I love her so much. Also, I need someone who knows tarot to interpret the cards she takes, thank you.

Stella saying Felice should get over it already was insensitive, but exactly what I'd expect from her. And bless you Madison for saying breaking up with a friend can be worse. Also, Fredrika attempting to be cheerful was useless, but very cute.

Fredrika is such a gossip girl, and ngl, I relate.

Farima had the right idea with using Wille's relationship to show a more modern side of Sweden, but I also understand why Wille wasn't keen. He should be allowed to just have a relationship, his first real one, and not have it be a walking pride flag. It's great to open doors and bring representation and help the community, but he's also allowed to just want to have a regular relationship, like other kids do.

This quick talk with Farima should have been a long conversation about social media, and we saw why.

Nils and Vincent casually talking about a guy who broke his arm in a mission for those points, I...

Are there no cars with tinted windows in Sweden? Is that not a thing? Why is Wille in a regular car for the paparazzi to take pictures of him (again, btw - I had this same thought in the very first episode).

I need to see more of Wille's jacked with the spikes! Also, can the pink sweater come back, please?

The way the chatter immediately dies when they kiss 🤣

Should we also count how many times they ask each other how they are? I think this is the first of the season...

Simon saying the attention is making him uncomfortable... I get it, and I'd feel the same, but sweetie, give it a couple weeks and no one will care anymore. They just need to get used to it.

Simon's 🖕 keychain between their joined hands...

Vicent teasing August about Sara just shows what good friends these boys all are to each other 😒

The heart-drawing scene 🥰🥰🥰 They're so in love. 🥹

Simon agreeing that it is degrading to miss someone who's hurt you... Sweetheart...

Simon is a better person than me, I would have 100% told the reporters to fuck off. And Marcus, ugh... I knew he'd talk, and I'm glad to see it confirmed, even though I'm angry.

The fact that the court couldn't even ask Wille's bodyguards, who are already idle at Hillerska anyway, to ensure Simon would be safe at least when leaving the school grounds, is baffling.

While I agree that Wille could have told Simon he was going to admit to being in the video, I do think it was a spur of the moment decision. And, moreover, Simon wanted him to do that before anyway. I think to Wille he was doing what Simon wanted. I just think Simon failed to realize the consequences.

Rosh is right in her assessment of Wille though, he's pretty impulsive.

Wille's red lights forming a heart, I see you!

I understand that Wille wanted to let Simon know he should ignore the comments as soon as possible, but I don't think telling him so in the comments helped much.

Bless Nils for being the only one to tell Wille he'd been brave, btw. I don't always agree with him, but that was nice of him.

I understand Sara wanting to leave the house, but going to her father's was very hypocritical of her, ngl. I understand why Simon was mad.

I know the girls meant well with the intervention, but the execution of it was maybe not the best. That said, I wouldn't mind being gifted a trip to New York. 😌

Wille's contented smile when he wakes up 🥹

Him tracing over the heart 🥹🥹🥹

Why is Farima sending Wille the articles for him to read instead of shielding him from this shit? 😭 He's 16 and you've given him no media training, what's he supposed to do?

Why is Malin by Wille's door again? Weren't they going to stay away while he was in classes? Had that been revoked now?

Them thinking it's Wille's fault that the horrors that happen at Hillerska are being revealed is... very telling.

The new rules are a bit harsh, but honestly? I'd have done something similar. Best to be harsher at first to nip this in the bud, then gradually access what can and can't be restored. No cellphones for teens is a bit too harsh though 😅

The seniors thinking they're exempt lol. You're still students, you're included.

Okie, I'll make another post for ep. 2, but I can't rewatch it now. 😭 Also, not re-reading all of this, if there's a typo, so be it.

[hismercytomyjustice]

Omfg it took me 84 years to do it, but I’m finally caught up with work stuff again! \o/

Does this mean my work induced burnout is over? GOD I HOPE SO.

Shit has been hanging over me like the sword of Damocles for weeks now.

Doesn’t help many of my internal and external customers are needy af (*narrows eyes at one external customer in particular*), but hopefully now that we’re moving into June this means our whole team can actually breathe again.

I love the holiday season as much as the next person, but I do not love all the work at the end of the year getting shoved to the beginning of the new one. It makes February thru May/June a NIGHTMARE.

Nightmare as in most of my coworkers are having public mental breakdowns instead of our usual private ones! Yay!

Fffff maybe I’ll actually have the bandwidth and brainpower to start taking Korean classes again. I haven’t been able to since the end of last year. T_T I miss them and I know for a fact I’m getting rusty.

Of course I gotta see if I can balance Korean and piano lessons without my brain going into a nuclear meltdown…

I always want my personal bandwidth to be at 200% but in reality it’s probably 65% at best. Is it the ADHD? Is it the OCD? Or is it a secret third option?! Maybe now I’m not in mental survival mode, I can explore all that with my therapist in our upcoming sessions instead of spending them all trying to figure out how to actually function due to extreme work burnout! Yay!

Ngl I’m also kind of hoping if my doctor can figure out wtf is going on with my liver, it might magically give me more energy and solve a lot of other issues. Got the ultrasound yesterday for it and am waiting for the results now. I’m very curious to learn what’s going on, especially since this kind of thing can have to do with connective tissue disorders.

My mom was told when she got her bloodwork done for her RA that it looked like she might have a connective tissue disorder too, though I don’t think that was ever further explored. I’m hypermobile and have wondered about EDS, but have never gotten officially tested for it. Thankfully my hypermobility isn’t excruciating or anything. I just tend to hyperextension that I don’t notice until I move and realize I fucked up lol.

Of course it could also just be regular ol’ inflammation that can be fixed with diet changes and exercise. Just gotta wait and see.

It’s possible the liver thing could be contributing to my never-ending fatigue. It’s also possible my super fun OCD spirals add to it too. lol my old therapist told me my spirals were “exhausting to hear about.” She didn’t mean it in a bad way! Just that she could only imagine how they were to actually experience as a result.

It’s wild seeing an OCD specialist now. My old therapist was fantastic but she didn’t specialize in OCD. New therapist (new-ish) is just able to map this shit out for me and it’s wonderful. OCD often masquerades as intense anxiety and some anxiety management tips and tricks do help it, but damn if seeing a specialist isn’t like night and day. My old therapist taught me some defusion techniques, but now I’m doing a mix of exposure therapy but mostly Inference-Based CBT which are both tailored specifically to OCD and it’s been so helpful. My brain is definitely broken but it feels a hell of a lot less broken now and a lot less scary.

My therapist also let me know there’s specific therapy that addresses OCD and autism together, so that’s something we’re gonna explore too. I don’t have an official diagnosis for autism but my therapist is pretty confident about it. She doesn’t specialize in it but she’s been helping me navigate the possibility. ADHD, OCD, and autism have massive overlap which makes it really fucking hard to separate the three. OCD and autism are really frequently misdiagnosed for one another too because of it. I def have the ADHD and OCD tho, diagnoses courtesy of specialists in both fields.

God I have been so fucking blessed to have amazing doctors and therapists who actually listen to me and take my concerns seriously. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had ABSOLUTE DOGSHIT ones too, but those were years ago when I wasn’t as good at advocating for myself. I know there’s a healthy dose of privilege thrown in there too on my end, but god I feel so fucking lucky.

Maybe it’s too much caffeine or finally being caught up on work but I don’t feel completely fucking exhausted for the first time in like a month or two. I’m not gonna go start running laps or anything, but it’s so nice to feel like my brain isn’t mashed potatoes at the end of the day for once. Yaaaay!

[wanderingpages]

Chapter 6??? Already?????  Im gonna cry…but also i trust you peach…not to leave this on hiatus indefinitely ahem 🥰😛

“when it started as a tease, but he kept quiet after seeing the panic and distraught look on my face.” aww he eased up that day… i love the small tidbits we get from that day ngl its like a little puzzle fr

“Like I had wished back then, I wish now to open the car door and fling myself into oncoming traffic.” omg Jude, no!

I love that he just lets her fuck around and be nosy with his car like thats couple behaviour sir u better stop before i propose.

“One is shaped like a curved hardware nail, the other like a star with a pearl dangling from it. ” curved nail - girl he got cartier just layin in his car??? ( i got side tracked and tried to google the other earring bye i know that bitch not from target) wait omg 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 he said u like em? Keep em 😌😌😌😌 and she said bet

Aww jude said fuck the money - you literally lived this close to me for HOW long????? Noooo this is so sad like what if they really had met before asha and madoc???? Like whattttttttttt naurrrrrrrrrr i am so sad about this new set of information 

🙈🙈🙈 anyways damn whats up w asha treating cardan like glass or smthn feels fishy 😠👀 (Trust NO one ..Not even YOURSELF) god my skin has goosebumps like jude is really calling him dad and cardan really calling her mother and those two are really married and yall kids is finger poppin each other in diners like wow. I forgot this was tagged taboo lol u got me there peach… we love sinning and being sinners 👁️👄👁️

“If I think about it too much now, I’ll see the erratic behavior for what it is and maybe stuff Cardan has told me before, about how unfit his mother was, would start to make sense. But it was her way of coping, which is no worse than my scarred fingers or my willfully ignorant father.” — ohhh not her her just slipping in her madoc being a dick right here.

Goddamn  asha’s betty homemeaker getup grinds my gears i know shes hiding something!!! If cardan dont trust her neither do i !!!!!!!

Wait shut up peach not the three stuffies she had in the books awwwww i love all the easter eggs 🥰

Oh wow asha keeping cardans room like a shrine is insane considering this is the first time hes stepped foot in this house (hot girl math time ) one year since the wedding, one year of engagement and im just gonna assume one year of dating, so 3 years abd this si the first time mans is stepping foot in the house wow. Peach i think Asha might be delulu. 

GIRL NOT THE BIBLE IN THE DRAWER LMAO

Peach is it the same cross from the dressing room thats in their kitchen?? Peach… peach. lmao

Damn not cardan doing a jumpscare, sir it is 3 am (Im lying idk what time it is but for my own headcannon it is 3am)

“His thumb reaches towards me, and he swipes down the corner of my lips, rubbing away the smear of red and brown, making my knees feel weak because suddenly, I'm in that booth at the diner again and I want him to paint me as red as those cherries.” - stoppp peach…. Your writing…. Ugh

“I stick my middle finger up at his back, annoyed that he can switch his emotions around so easily, annoyed that he plays this game better than I do, annoyed that I had even given him the green light so many months ago, thinking I could best him somehow.” - omg i … TEA🤪

Omg i love her friendship with Vivienne bless her

“At the end of the day, Asha isn’t my mom, but she’s done more for me in three years than my real mom has done in five.” first, my hot girl math was right!!! Im so slay for that fr! But second TEA but i knew . cus i read between th e lines. I pick up what u put down. 😌😌

““Don’t ‘what’ me – the car ride, you dick,” Vivienne huffs and it’s funny, so I can’t help but giggle. “With Mr. Oh-no-step-bro-I’m-stuck-under-a-table,” She elaborates. “Dude… I can’t help but live vicariously through you right now – like are you guys fucking? In the same house your parents are fucking? That’s so gross,” She snorts, and I make a face.” I SCREAMED! ALSO JUDE UR A LIAR TO SAY NO ONE IS FUCKING ANYONE cus … YET OK YET

““Just be safe, ‘cus it’s going to be super weird when Jude Jr. pops out and you have to explain that her daddy is also her uncle.”” - so vivienne is my everything absolutely unconditionally 

Aww babygirls a runner shes a trackstar 🥰🥰 i also like this tidbit of character. Send that bitch to the olympics peach

Oh mentions of Fand…foreshadow? 

Jude being sad about her fingers 😔😔😔😔 baby….baby gurl….

“Therapy might help, but Dad is against it. I guess he doesn’t want to know what the root cause of it is – doesn’t want it said out loud, at least.” oh its on site madoc… ON SITE ACROSS EVERY UNIVERSE 

“Why had I put myself through torture to steer clear of him when I feel so at peace now next to him?” – girl we wondering the same things fr twins.

““Why is it that we live together now, and I see less of you? Are you avoiding me?”” – hes so blunt about everything involving her lmao its truly incredible

“”I am. Avoiding you. My heart beats faster around you. My palms get clammy and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. It hurts to breathe sometimes,” I explain my anxiety, twisting the joint to read the words, wondering if it says something profound. “Can’t mean anything good,” I mumble. “It’s like walking across a narrow bridge with nothing beneath to catch my fall.”” – I GOT THIS REFERENCe !! – “ “Are you scared of me, dear sister?” ” AHHHH

““I think you’re prettiest when you're honest.” Cardan reaches his hand to ruffle my hair. I try to bat it away, but his fingers dig in a little tighter, weaving through and under the bun I’ve haphazardly attempted earlier. He doesn’t really need to tilt my head to face him, I do it for him. If the stars are bright tonight, his eyes are even brighter. “I’m not avoiding you,” he tells me after a long while. “And you’re not, by the way,” he is so close to me now, that our breaths mingle and turn to fog between us, “Out of my system, I mean.” My eyes widened at the answer to my question that seemed like eons ago. He releases my hair and tweaks my nose almost affectionately. He takes the roll from my fingers, but I catch a few words where our fingers touch, morbidly reminding me of Michelangelo’s The Creation of Adam.” – THIS IS SO GOOD EVERYTHING THE HAIR THE HONEST LINE THE FACE TILT THE STARS THE ANSWER THE CREATION OF ADAM!!!

Shut up omg she said you cant smoke bible pages and i had to reread the last two lines bc “Oh my god!” and him responding “Yeah, i guess so” is INSANE WHAT

BIG G???  - 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 hell. Thats were were headed.

Stop the nose kiss???? Freckle under the eye?? Putting the joint in her mouth the moment she breathes in lmao hes a whole clown and im the circus w how much i want him in me 🙈

““Something in Proverbs. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk… far… from your… lips.”/ “God, you’re sick,” I tell him. “Jesus, Cardan,” I manage; I feel unnerved and his lack of reaction makes me feel like I’m going crazy.” - peach i am actually going into cardiac arrest oh my god why are they so unserious 

“You’re a fucking menace,” I mutter. ” – she says wstill pulling him into her room girl u just as delulu ❤️❤️❤️

Also… hush,hush ref? : “id love to hear you scream.”/ “I dont scream” like so patch and nora coded fr 

Lol him being nosy in her room but her reaction being nervous while when she was in his car doing the same thing he was like so blase about it lmao the duality… beautiful. Also he totally just wanted to smell like her. Bet hes never washing that shirt now, weed scent and all 😌

Lol not jude comparing her fear of the exorcist to her anxiety around cardan and realizing her fear of the movie is UNPLEASANT as opposed to how she feels w her big step bro 🥺🤪

I love him playing with her hair yOUR HONOR HES IN LOVE also “I can have you screaming in other ways” SIR THIS IS A WENDYS (ur parents house!!!??)

Omg not her saying fuck off but the getting on top of him, judes so real for this

God not him being a lagged and high and groggy and just letting her have her way with him!!!

““What if,” I continue, softly, “I want to make you scream?”” BITCH ME!! IM SCREAMING ME ITS ME!!

““Look at you,” I say in a hushed tone as our fingers interlace. ” - SKIP THE APPLICATION INTERVIEW SWEET LIKE MARABU

““Look at my big brother,” I bite down on his earlobe, tugging the metal loop he’d left in tonight. “So needy…and …all… for… me.”” JUDE !!! MAAM!!! ….do continue😃

Lol not him being fixated on her not telling him that she missed him before lmao boy!!

You know dry humping shouldnt even be called dry humping if we out here getting WET

Oh my god peaccchhhh pls foreplay shouldnt be this hot im sweating (I am under three blankets)

NOOOO THAT WAS THE END???

Ok I lied THIS might be the longest ask 😭

lol no not a long hiatus, I do have a substantial amount written, I just am not in the mood to edit/rewrite these days 😔

lol other earring is Dior 🤭

Actually her rummaging through his car was so I could highlight the lighter and rolling paper so ur not toooo bamboozled when he’s smoking a joint on the roof 😭

U know my friend said the same thing about them living so close, I didn’t realize how heartbreaking that sentiment actually is 😭

Lmao not finger poppin 😭😭😭 but yes this is in fact a taboo fic 🤭

Anyways no that’s not the same cross 💀 yess those are the same stuffies lol, your hot girl math was totally right, viv is my fave too lol

Sending Jude to the Olympics is a completely different book now 😭

I wouldn’t call fand a foreshadow but more like a set up, so it doesn’t feel left field when she’s actually introduced

The creation of Adam was insane of me next to the Bible blunts 😭😭 I am going to burn in hell

Lmao not the circus bye

Yes!! Hush hush ref lmao you got all my references ❤️❤️❤️❤️

lol Jude comparing her actual fear w her preconceived fear is when it hit her sense ass fr

🎶give me a call if you ever get lonelyyyy ill be like one of your girls or your homies🎵 (i love troye and he fed the blue neighbourhood girlies with that)

Anyway yes thats it for now 😭 thank you for your commentary it really made my whole week lol

[haik-choo]

karasuno first years out late w/ their s/o

request: Could you write how 1st years (yachi too pls🥺) going out with their s/o late at night ?

a/n: this is such a cute little concept i -- 

[KARASUNO FIRST YEARS OUT LATE AT NIGHT WITH THEIR S/O]

-tsukishima, kageyama, yamaguchi, hinata, yachi

tsukishima kei.

not gonna lie, he’s often awake late at night. he’s a night owl and doesn’t mind sacrificing his sleep to watch some youtube videos

occasionally, he even goes out late at night, slipping past his parents and brother’s room and softly closing the front door with his headphones covering his ears and his hands stuffed in his pockets

so when you text him at 3am and ask if he can go out with you to the convenience store, he agrees in seconds to meet you at the halfway point between your houses

wastes no time in putting on his sneakers and a hoodie; he wants to get there quickly so that you aren’t left out by yourself

tsukishima knows there’s creeps out there, which is exactly why he jogs to the halfway point and is relieved when he’s the first one there

as soon as he sees you in the distance he fast walks to catch up to you, and slips his hand into yours

he totally brings bluetooth earbuds so that you two can listen to the same music instead of his wired headphones <3 uwu

is always on the lookout for any weirdos, and if he spots someone eyeing you up he shoots them the nastiest glare

eventually wraps his arms around your shoulder while your hand is sitll in his and its that cute little thing where your arms is across your chest holding his hand </3

pays for whatever you get at the store, ignores your complaints and tells you to shut up when you continue to insist on paying

“im trying to be a good boyfriend for once, for the love of god PLEASE shut up”

secretly takes a candid photo of you at some point in the night and sets it as his home screen -- NOT his lock screen, and when you see it he outright denies having taken it

tsukishima: you told me to take a picture of you

you: stop lying i know you’re a closet hopeless romantic 

convinces you to stop at the park and eat the snacks you both got there, music still humming in your ears as the moonlight washes you both in cool tones

tsukishima when he’s alone with you is so soft -- he literally kisses your hand and temple and mutters very softly “love you” 

all in all, tsukishima kei is the perfect night-owl boyfriend to go on snack-runs with 

kageyama tobio.

"why would i go out right now. do you know what time it is. i have practice in the morning”

kags really out here kinda hurtin’ your feelin’s ngl boy doesn’t understand the vibes LOL

honestly you probably woke him up, he’s asleep at like ten every night (even tho he still has homework to do he just flat-out ignores it LOL) 

only agrees to go out walking with you because you said he could bring his volleyball and you’d toss a few for him....and also because he’s a little worried because it’s so dark out

doesn’t walk with you to the park but meets you there LOL

he deadass has his wholeass duffel bad with the ball, two waterbottles, two towelettes, volleyball sneakers and everything

“you know,,,,we’re not playing a game, right, tobio?”

“yeah???? and??? what’s your point”

acts nonchalant but is totally having fun and is lowkey glad you asked him to go out so late because it’s cool out, there’s no one to bother him, and you just look...really good under the stars

he’s not a cheesy person but...god you just take his breath away sometimes. not that he’ll ever say that though

you ask to take a break like thirty minutes in because you are LITERALLY dying meanwhile he hasn’t even broken a sweat (”you’re already tired? maybe you should workout more” “shut UP kageyama”)

you both sit on the bench, and you’re lowkey waiting for him to reach for your hand but they’re just folded in his lap as he stares out in the nothingness of night

kageyama can’t take a hint. we know this. he’s incapable of knowing what you want unless you flat out tell him; so you have to be a very honest person

he doesn’t even really initiate skinship, not because he doesn’t want to, but just because it never really crosses his mind

plus he doesn’t feel the need to constantly show affection because he thinks it’s obvious that he likes you

despite this, he is good at spotting weird people, and he’s pretty protective of you, so you’re completely safe with him. trust him, he’ll keep you safe

all in all, have patience and stamina because kags will play volleyball with you until you pass out. also, he loves you 

yamaguchi tadashi.

is in bed by 11pm but doesn’t actually go to sleep until two am because he’s scrolling through tiktok on his phone

sees your text about wanting to go out for a late night walk and maybe go through the little forest near your house and automatically sends a text that says “ill meet you at your window! can you pack some snacks? :)”

he walks all the way to your house, even if it’s more convenient to meet halfway because he wants to protect you! he’s not the strongest nor is he the most intimidating, so all he really has to offer is his presence

despite not being strong nor scary, yams literally has eagle eye. you can’t tell me that he can’t read people in a heartbeat -- he’s extremely perceptive 

also texts you to not bring a jacket because he’s bringing on of his own for you !!! so sweet what the hell

he waits at your front door and when you step out he automatically pushes his volleyball jacket into your hands and he takes the bag of snacks from you and sticks out one of his hands UGH such a gentleman

lets you ramble about anything and stares at your side profile as he listens 

joins in with a few quips here and there but ultimately is pretty quite and lets you speak or lets the silence cozy into the conversation

sees that there’s a guy sitting on a bench up the road and he switches places with you so that you’re further away from the stranger 

also wraps a protective hand around your waist until you both are past the random dude but yams will glance behind yall every once in a while

when you two reach the mini forest he ends up taking the lead claiming that he knows a good spot

and damn, he’s right

it’s a little clearing that is illuminated solely by the moonlight and he sets the bag of snacks down beside him before sitting down himself, apologizing for not bringing a blanket that you two could sit on 

pats the spot next to him so that you sit right beside him and he leans back with his hand on yours ONGMIRG 

is the super cheesy type and tells you that you look really pretty and that,,,he kind of wants to kiss you

you: *experiencing heart palpitations* and you did this for what. 

yamaguchi: ...because i love you?

you: *K.O*

all in all, yamaguchi is the boyfriend that completely indulges your late-night escapades <3 

hinata shoyo.

is either completely fast asleep and doesn’t see your text or was awake and not planning to sleep for the next five hours, no in-between

but if he’s awake and sees your text, he agrees right away and asks where you want to meet up and what time because homeboy probably has to bike to get there AgAGAGAGA

literally doesn’t even show up in sneakers. he’s wearing sandals and shorts with a short sleeve top 

“i came in my pjs”

“i see that.”

asks if you two can bike around instead because he doesn’t want to have to wheel his bike around for like an hour 

he tells you to hold on tight because the bike was built for one person, and when you press against his back his warmth is literally so,,,comforting 

has no sense of awareness and will scream going down a hill in the middle of a neighborhood, no fucks given

so, no, he doesn’t notice any weriod people even if there are some around

you always end up running into some weird people and you get new interesting stories every other day because let’s be honest hinata is a magnet for crazy shit and crazy people (usually crackheads) 

you both just ride around as he talks about his day, usually his sister always comes up in the conversation( “she asked me to marry you the other day” “doirhgAEROIHFGRE SHOYO WHAT” “what? i told her i would. i keep my promises!”)

after like thirty minutes he begs for a break and you stop at a little 24/7 ice cream store that is run by the sweetest elderly couple

you share a sundae because you don’t want to eat too much this late at night

he plops on the bench right outside the store with his bike leaning against the metal handles, and h snuggles up to you and watches you scroll on your phone

he talks a little here and there, but for the most part, he goes quiet, and it’s during this time where you’re unaware of his gaze that he just takes his time drinking in your features in the yellow light of the lamppost 

he can’t read the mood most times, but this time he does, and he stays quiet, and he thinks to himself

that he really will marry you one day

all in all, hinata gives you the impulsive young teenage experience of late night bike rides while eating his fair share of ice cream

yachi hitoka.

another either or, except this time she’s either fast asleep or stressing over homework and the nine tests she has the next day

when you ask if she can go on a walk with you she’s hesitant because she doesn’t want to get in trouble with her mom and she’s a total goody goody and terrified of doing anything reckless; but then she remembers that her mom was on a business trip and so she, very cautiously, says yes

you: good. i’m outside your door btw

yachi: i never had a choice did i

you have to meet her at her house because she’s way too scared to walk by herself at night; she might even make you factime her as you commute because she’s worried for you

jumps at every little thing, even the crows cawing make her shit herself

instictively grabs onto your sleeve and nervously look around the entire time, to the point where she doesn’t hear what you say

so you offer to go to a little cafe that’s still open and right away she nods

she’s so adorable, she bows really deeply when you two walk into the store and apologizes for it being so late

and finally, because you two are safe, she’s calm and smiling as she sips at her strawberry smoothie

awkwardly and very shyly reaches out for your hand on the table and gently lays her palm on yours

canon: yachi totally has freckles and you can’t convince me otherwise 

her face is red and her freckles are just on display you can’t help but coo at her and tuck some hair behind her ear because god could she get any cuter?

you two end up staying for like a hour and a half and very shyly she asks if you could walk her home 

and this time on the walk she’s not overly cautious and seems to enjoy the nighttime breeze and your hand softly clasping hers

does that cute thing where she lays her head on your shoulder or arm while you both are walking and looks up at you through her eyelashes and asks if you could give her a kiss on the cheek </3

you: stop. please. im going to die.

when you’re at her door she literally just stands there awkwardly for a few seconds before tilting her head upwards and pressing her lips to yours and then promptly running inside

video calls you three seconds afterwards to make sure you get home safely 

all in all, you might need to be the impulsive one, but yachi enjoys spending late night time with you more than she admits. also please kiss her thanks      

[milkacchan]

Fav boys thinking S/O reader has a kid bc they misunderstood a conversation with friends or on the phone but in reality they were talking about their pet

Bc i talk to my dog like he's a small child and care for him like one and its caused confusion

Bakugou:

• he's just chillin

• youre in another room of the dorms

• You're within the ear shot

• and your phone rings

• he doesn't really think anything of it but he can't help but eavesdrop when youre on the phone

• nothing alarming until

• "How's my son?"

• and he freezes

• he feels himself pale but he keeps listening

• "I miss him so much, I didn't know it was going to be this hard to be away from him," you groan. "I just want to see him and boop his nose and coddle him."

• Jesus christ

• "he's getting chubby though, thats good, he was so tiny when he was born. So much loose skin-"

• Ngl his stomach kinda drops

• You have a kid??

• How did this happen- WHEN did it happen?

• It couldn't have-

• oh it very well could

• You disappeared for your 2nd year in UA- it could've happened then-

• and you didn't tell him.

• Not when he was your best friend and not when he was your boyfriend

• He feels betrayed- he feels gross-

• he has a right to at least KNOW of the child's existence- I mean he knew it wasn't his, but still.

• And so for the next days he's really weird.

• he tries to he normal with you, text when he can, hug you goodbye, just continue like things were

• but he just couldn't.

• And he dreads when you confront him about it- he knew you would, you've always been like that

• "You have a kid!" He snaps. "You left during second year, didn't tell anyone about it and then you came back- and you didn't tell me. I wouldn't have been mad! I wouldn't have pushed you away, I-"

"Katsuki what the FUCK are you talking about?"

"You. Have. A. Child."

"Source?"

"When you were on the phone with your mom?"

You paused for a moment. "Jesus Christ Kat, I was talking about my puppy. I got a dog while I was traveling ABROAD during my SECOND year, with my COUSIN. I helped deliver him because I was interning at a vet. He was the runt and they thought he was gonna die. So I stayed an extra two weeks and I brought him home."

He clenched his jaw. "God damn."

"Katsuki, I tell you everything. I wouldn't hide that from you. Besides," you made a face, "i'm too scared to have sex with you, because sex is scary. Why the fuck would I have it with anyone else?"

"I dunno." He mumbled.

• You take him to see your dog, obviously

Kirishima:

• he isn't even entirely sure what you were doing

• all he knows is that you're cooing into the phone held against you ear

• "Hey baby, its me! You miss momma?"

• Momma.

• bro- he just kinda zones out.

• his mind immediately going to the fact that you might have a child- not might- you do

• I mean how else could you explain that?

• he didn't even stop to think WHEN you could've had a child. He just jumped right in.

• He wasn't mad- how could he be?

• it wasn't wrong for you to have a kid.

• maybe you should've told him but you could've been scared.

• afraid he might leave you

• he wouldn't leave you, God no.

• he loved you and it was going to stay to help you

• I mean, he doesn't want you to go through this alone.

• You guys are what, just barley 18? You already have a kid, thats gotta be tough.

• So he makes the decision, instead of being upset or hurt that you didn't tell him, he's just going to step in and see if you'd like help.

• He won't push to meet the kid, thats up to you. Introducing kids to partners before its really serious doesn't always go over too well.

• he plans what he's going to say in his head, goes over it twice and nids to himself.

• that all goes out the window when you sit on the couch again

• "You have a kid?" He blurts and mentally kicks himself afterwards.

"I'm sorry what?"

"It's okay, I'm not mad, really," he put his hands up, "It's hard to tell someone about it. You can trust me with stuff, even things like that. I won't use it against you or get mad- I'll even help out if you need. Sure its not mine but it really doesn't need to me-"

"Eiji, baby, shut the fuck up for a second."

He closes his mouth, stopping his ramble.

"What are you talking about?"

"On the phone, you were talking. To your kid right? You said 'it's momma,' and-"

"Babe I was talking to my dog. I haven't seen her in two months and she recognizes my voice over the phone. I talk to her most nights before bed. We just had to do it earlier today."

• He feels his face flush.

• Jesus christ.

• you're cackling.

• he doesn't think its that funny

• he profusely apologizes for thinking you had a kid, implying that you did /things/ with anither person

• Obviously you take him to meet your dog because what kind of mother would you be if you didn't?

Deku:

• Dekus the kind of guy that would definitely take a few days to himself if he found that out.

• You've got a 50 50 chance of him staying

• He doesn't like it when people lie to begin with, it makes him feel weird

• So for him to find out you have a whole ass /child/ that he didn't know about?

• he's pissed. And sad. And confused. Because when the fuck did you have it??

• You'd think with all the analyzing he did, he'd be able to pick up maybe you were talking about a pet or something??

• Wrong. His emotions take over and he's just gone

• and once you get off the phone you're like?? Zuku? Baby where'd you go???

• 3 days.

• 3 Days he ignores your texts, calls, approaches before you get tired of it

• during those 3 days, well- day 3 more like, he goes to his friends

• like fuck i have a problem

• and theyre like ?????

• "So um- they have a kid."

"They what??????"

"Y/n has a kid. I heard them talking over the phone."

"Do you think maybe you mught've misunderstood? I mean when yould they even have had time to have one?"

"I don't know! But they didn't tell me! What am I supposed to do?"

"First off," todoroki begins, "what did they say that led you to believe they have a child?"

"Well, they were like, he's my son- not yours, and then they were like, he's growing out of his clothes, and but that his feet were still tiny-"

"Did they use a name?"

"Yeah, well, a nickname I guess, stubby? I think it was?"

"Midoryia that's their dog. They have a dog who likes to wear sweaters. Since he's a puppy " Todoroki sits up. "She refers to her dog as her son.

"I thought they only had a bird," he dropped his head to the table and whined.”They only told me about their bird,” 

"Good luck fixing that."

• He brings you flowers.

• and chocolate

• to your dorm

• and when you answer you look very displeased.

• you just kind of eye him, waiting for him to speak.

• "Angel," he begins, "I'm sorry. I- I jumped to a conclusion."

"And what conclusion was that."

"That you had a kid." He mumbled. "When you were talking about your dog."

"You dumb fuck, we haven't even had sex yet. Who else would I be with? When would I even have had time to make a human being?"

"I know. I'm sorry."

• He wants to meet the dog.

• You make him wait.

• HOWEVER

• You do show him pictures.

Sero:

• He's high off his ass bro.

• fuckin zoinked

• you take a phone call in which you clearly mention dog features but he only seems to catch baby, princess, daughter, small toes, and chubby

• N he's like sweet you have a daughter,

• and then he forgets about it, too caught up with staring at something on the ceiling

• a bug he thinks

• and then he starts laughing because he thinks the word bug is funny lmao

• and when you get off the phone he leans his head against you

• and like 10 minutes later he remembers as he's kissing your neck

• "oh, so you have a daughter? How old is she?" He's so nonchalant too lmao

"Baby what?"

"You have a daughter, right? You were talking about her over the phone. She has small toes. How old is she?"

"Sero, you're gone," you smile, ruffling his hair.

"What? Did I do something? I don’t want to leave,” He frowns. 

"I’m not making you leave babe. I don't have a daughter. I have a puppy named bubbles, but I call her princess. She's a teacup."

"Oh that's so cute,"

• its just amazing that he wasn't conflicted by the possibility that you may have had a daughter

• maybe its because he's high

• maybe he just really doesn't fucking care

• either way he vibed with the idea

• and then was like oh cool can I see a picture of your dog then

• and then fell the fuck asleep when the high started to wear off

• boy what a day

[marshieee]

Hey! Could you do more twin brothers headcanons? with ushijima, kageyama, hinata and tsukishima please.

I think some of you liked that HAHAHAHAHA oh to be their twin sister. so it might take awhile for me to post my part. 9 in my osamu fic, i have to focus on my upcoming assesment first and i'm gonna finish another request after this, and also i have to think about how y/n and samu's confrontation HAHAHAHAHA. But please my inbox is open so feel free to request or talk to me

Being ushijima, kageyama, hinata and tsukishima’s twin sister

Ushijima

Given that you’re wakatoshi’s roommate in your mother’s womb.

You’re expected to be sport minded as him

But no

You prefer acads instead of sports

Sure you also inherited your father’s sportsmanship all that stamina and power.

But sports doesn’t really interest you.

Of course ushijima is a very supportive brother

He’ll do anything he can to help you.

He’s the type of brother who’s stoic (he is stoic lmao) but cares for you.

For example

There was one time when you told him that you were in the infirmary because you had a stomachache but informing that you’re already fine and took some meds.

This man would walk up to his coach in a calm way and ask if he can be excused.

"my sister is in the infirmary"

when he got the permission to leave he will exit the gym and when he's outside he'd fucking mad run.

this bitch would sweat nervously and legit panic when he sees you laying down comfortably in bed.

"uh do you need soup? um water? is the temperature too much for you? uh...um....ah.....a-are you alright?"

as much as you want to watch your brother act all cute and flustered, you have to calm this big boy down.

"toshi...toshi!...WAKATOSHI!"

"y-yes?"

"jeez calm down alright? i'm fine like i said i already took some meds i just need to rest for a while."

"ok"

this boy would just sit beside your bed for the whole time until you're ready to go.

"you know you didn't have to wait for me"

"but i want to"

"but you really didn't have to"

he'll give you an expression that only you and your father can see.

a cute pout.

"but-"

"i get it i get it........thank you"

Kageyama

so tobio's twin

yep tobio's twin sister

just like miwa you had the genes of the kageyama family

the awkward smile that is.

but like i said you got the kegeyama genes that means

YOU ARE GORGEOUS

just like your twin tobio you're also a tsundere in a way.

you also like sports so you joined the girl's vb team of your school

but because of this tobio don't get to watch your games since when they have a game you have a game too.

the only time he can watch you play is when you have a practice match.

kageyama IS a showy caring person infront of you

he openly shows you how he cares for you as a brother

but that only happens when you're both alone

baby boy is shy when others are around

yet he still takes care of you.

"oi did you hurt your ankle?"

"hm? ah yeah i had a bad landing"

"tsk that's why i told you to take care of yourself dumbass, did you went to the infirmary?"

"yeah"

"good...text me if you're going home i'll walk you, sure enough they wouldn't let you practice with that injury"

"alright."

he tried

he really did.

lowkey hinata will tease him about it.

Hinata

oh to be this baby boy's twin sister

just like ushi's twin sister you have no interest in sports

but you support your brother to the fullest

you're definitely like him, a ball of energy

you have supported him ever since he discovered volleyball

volunteered to set for him and practice with him.

because of that you were ask to join the girl's vb team (oop kageyama's sister is there)

you're friends with kageyama's twin sister since well she's your classmate

hinata will make sure that both you and natsu fine

since he is the only boy

you're into music rather than sports

so whenever you join a competition hinata will try his best to attend and watch you play

he'd be the one who claps so loud that either natsu or your mom has to slap his hands

he takes care of you and ask if you're doing ok every damn time he sees you in the hallway or when he walk past your classroom

"y/n! did you have lunch?"

"oh shoyo! yeah we were about to go to the cafeteria"

"y/n are you ok?"

"yeah just a little hot since we just had p.e"

"oh i was baout to get some juice in the vending machine what do you want?"

"strawberry milk please"

ngl i think the kageyama twins will have a crush on you.

tobio having a BI panic lmao

Tsukishima

tall girl

TALL GIRL

the type of tall girl that you just want to straight up ask "can you carry bridal style? and walk me to the church cuz we're abou to get married"

like our salty boi kei

you are also a smart girl

smart girl + athletic = can you be my girl

you're definitely in the tennis team.

gurl you got dem long legs

are you salty?

YES

do you like to tease other people?

ABSOLUTELY

do you have a type?

......

do you have a type?

.....................yes

tsukishima doesn't really interact with you that much at school

"hm? yeah that's my sister, so?"

something like that

but he cares for you of course

if he heard someone talking shit about you.

"yamaguchi hold my bag"

if he heard someone saying they want you to be their girlfriend

"yamaguschi hold my bag"

if he heard someone compliments you but in a preveted way.

"yamaguchi put your bag down"

tall blonde gorgeous twins

yes..ruin my life.

[laufire]

(CW for mentions of csa)

A lot of Commonly Accepted (Often Through Uncritical Repetition) Wisdom in fandom leaves me baffled, when not straight up ticked off, but one that's been on my mind lately, that never fails to bring a scrunched up expression to my face, is the idea that Bela Talbot's backstory was some last minute add-on to her character.

You might argue that the reveal was rushed since the writers caved in and killed her off against their original plan (or at the very least, earlier than). Or that using abuse is a trite way to raise sympathy for an antagonistic character. You could even say that some of the finer details might’ve not been set in stone until they sat down to write her exist, although that one is dubious. But I’m never really going to buy that Bela’s backstory hadn’t been already planned, likely in big part.

The reason why is Season Three Episode Six, “Red Sky At Morning”, Bela’s second episode, co-written by Eric Kripke himself. As all episodes with Bela were, may I add; which means he had a hand in crafting her story from the beginning, as creator, director, and writer.

There Dean, a character that has been shown as sharp and intuitive (although his success rate ain’t that great when it comes to Bela, admittedly xD), immediately pegs her as someone with Issues TM, asking “how did she get like this”. He even taunts her by referencing her father, showing off his talent to hit where it hurts by asking if he “didn’t give her enough hugs”, ‘cause he’s classy like that. This visibly affects Bela, changing her demeanor in their conversation, from more playful to defensive. Hell, I remember during my first watch in real time this moment, especially paired with the rest of the episode, was when I first thought it was possible she came from an abusive family.

Because, c’mon. This whole episode is about parricide. The monster of the week is a ghost who haunts those that “spilled their own family’s blood”. We get two other examples: a woman whose accidental car crash killed her cousin, and two brothers who killed their father for the inheritance. Clearly, the ghost doesn’t have a narrow criteria when it comes to means or culpability -which makes sense given his particular story: he was tried for treason and his brother, the captain of the ship, issued the sentence.

And just as we find out this information... Bela sees the ghost ship that foretells her death. This, paired with the insinuations about an unsavvory past and her discomfort at the mention of her father, aren’t a wealth of information, but they start to paint a picture. We now know for a fact that Bela caused the death of at least one relative (mom and dad); that she wouldn’t have needed to do it directly (she made a crossroads deal); and that she might’ve had a sympathetic motive (her father sexually abused her and her mother turned a blind eye).

That scene offers some more tidbits of information about her past that seem too in tune with 3x15 to be coincidental, and that absolutely break my heart: Bela’s “You wouldn’t understand. No one did.“ and “I’ll just do what I’ve always done. I’ll deal with it myself”. See, I always thought Bela must’ve told people, when she was a kid. That she reached out for help not just to her mother, but to everyone around her that she thought could’ve help: teachers, maybe even law enforcement; adults that should’ve being worthy of that trust and protected her. Except no one did (and the fact that her family seemed to be not only very rich but influential paints a very bleak picture that surely contributed to her cynic view of the world). So she took matters in her own hands, and sold her soul for ten years of relative safety and freedom from her abusers.

To tie it all up, her final scene in that episode offers some more moments that again, are very in line with her backstory. We see how she treats relationships as transactionals: she pays ten grand to the Winchesters for saving her life, like she paid with her soul. Dean, again, draws attention to her likely messed up past by calling her damaged, and she replies that “takes one to know one”. Terrible childhood, ammirite. The show wasn’t been subtle here: it’s telling us Bela has a terrible past, like the Winchesters do, but of a different kind that has resulted in a different kind of person. So yeah, I think all the facts were hinted at back in 3x06.

We could go even futher back and point out 3x03, Bela’s introduction. One of the very first things she says in the show, during her first face to face with Dean (a character that just condemned his soul to Hell), is “We’re all going to Hell, Dean. Might as well enjoy the ride”. Sure, it could be an incredibly fortuitous coincidence; as a writer, I’ve had those and they’re damn great. But it seems VERY lucky, and more likely to be a case of the kind premeditated, well-placed foreshadowing that Kripke excels at.

So, okay. I’ve established why I think Bela’s backstory wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. But why is there a notable narrative in fandom that it IS?

First thing first, I want to get something out of the way: you don’t have to like it even if it was planned ahead. I understand it’s a very thorny subject, and to make matters worse, it’s inherently tied to her death. You might even be fine with the what, but not with how it was dealt with (although personally, I appreciate that neither the abuse nor her death were shown onscreen. In fact, the worse violence we see Bela on the receiving end of in her run is Dean’s threats and manhandling, which seems like a very purposeful choice ngl. Even Gordon freaking Walker was gentler lmao).

But I do disagree with some extended fandom opinions on the topic, and I guess that’s what the post is about. For one, I don’t see how the show “condemned” or morally judged Bela in this scenario. If anything, they clearly wanted to make her sympathetic, AND they showed Dean as being in the wrong by robbing him of information. Dean’s opinion on Bela couldn’t count for shit, for once, because he didn’t have the full picture; because Bela had deemed him UNWORTHY of the full picture, and thus anything he had to say on her couldn’t be taken at face value (except this is Supernatural, so I guess this was a little too much to ask of some people?). I think saying that just because Bela died and went to Hell as a consequence of her deal, IN THE SAME SEASON the same happened to our co-lead, because the writers deemed her evil and irredeemable is simplistic at best, and the audience projecting their own feelings (or being unable to see past Dean’s) onto the writing.

All that said, to go back to the initial point of all of this xD: WHY does fandom seem to insist on viewing this narrative choice as some cheap last minute addition?

There might not be one explanation that fits all, but I have a few ideas. One is that, if this wasn’t planned for and hinted at from early on, some people might feel as if this “absolves” them of their previous (and disgustingly hateful and misoginistic) reactions to Bela. Others will see this as absolving Dean, and maybe even Sam to a lesser extent, for not helping her and for being callous towards her; if her tragic backstory was this artificial, rushed choice made by Those Writers, then Dean wasn’t responsible for reprehensible attitudes towards someone who deserved his compassion (and it can’t be denied that this fandom loves absolving Dean of responsibility lmao). And a lot people are probably only repeating what they've heard from others as the accepted narrative, especially those that didn't even watch all of s3 if at all (Castiel is my fave too, but seriously, s1-3 are worth it).

It’s like they’re creating this imaginary separation between Bela pre-reveal, and Bela post-reveal, to make the situation easier to themselves. See, Bela pre-reveal was this annoying bitch who inconvenienced and embarrassed our leads (not to mention dared have chemistry with them), and thus deserved to be punished for it; or, if we’re going with more modern fandom sensibilities, she can be made to fit into the shallow #GirlBoss mold, with a side of “Secretly A Lesbian And Therefore Not A Romantic Threat” flavour -the current preferred method to make controversial female characters more palatable.

The reveal throws a wrench into this narrative. “Bitch who deserves her comeuppance” is a hard sell when you’re talking about a character who survived csa. And a shallow #GirlBoss reading doesn’t work if you have to acknowledge that Bela was one of, if not the most tragic characters in the entire run of Supernatural.

She spent over half her life at the mercy of her abuser(s), hurt by those who should’ve loved her and protected her most. The rest of her life was extremely lonely, with seemingly only a cat as company, and a surface-level freedom that hid under the sentence that loomed over her head. She died without a single friend, or a simple show of kindness and compassion, without anyone bothering to fight for her. And then she ended up tortured for who knows how long until she became one of her torturers.

All of that is extremely difficult to digest. And when things are hard to swallow, people do as people do, and they try to simplify them. So, sure. Bela’s reveal wasn’t ever hinted at, it’s completely removed from her character and the person we met, and is not even worth trying to fit into the narrative. Sounds easy.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, SE03, Ep1

I’m here! The final season continues from where se02 oddly left, right in the middle of a conversation! XD.

-Tohru’s crushed heart (scarf): Excellent symbolism!

Tohru, burdened with trying to lift the curse of teen & adult sohmas, is now also troubled by trying to help Arisa’s romantic life is sad for akito! Too much for compassionate selfless tohru. Unable to help, protect & erase the pain, tohru crumbles. Freezes. Her white scarf (heart) flies away, gets crushed by cars & becomes dirty. But here comes a boy ( who thinks himself a monster) picks it up, cleans & returns it back. He thinks nothing of his deed. nothing heroic abt saving a scarf, really. But do we need to be heroes to save others? kyo saves tohru by being kyo. Not the zodiac cat & not the menacing monster. Her heart is saved by him, shown much care & returned back. Mind you, the heart (scarf) is not brand new after the delima. It’s not very clean after being crushed, some marks remain, but these are marks of growth!!! you walk away after hardships carrying minor scars of victory. This scene solidify kyo’s role in tohru’s life as an equal companion. Not a heroic prince charming. It is the little things he does that shows who he is. kyo isn’t abt big soft words, he doesn't say the best things. he is a man of action. His care, love & compassion comes so very easily & naturally to him thro actions. This is what yuki meant by saying he’s jealous of kyo. Yuki over thinks his steps & doubt everything before he acts. Kyo acts spontaneously then doubts himself later. He saves the scarf (heart) then tells her directly to buy another one if she feels it’s not clean. He failed to see how this trivial action meant the world to tohru. Tohru smiles lively cuz her heart is back to her.

Why is the scarf scene so important? (aka furuba’s best usage of symbolism yet!)

It symbolizes tohru’s toxic flaw that she must overcome! It represents tohru’s tormented heart over other ppl’s pain with severe neglect to her own problems & issues. Arisa’s love life shouldn’t be tohru’s delima, nor Akito’s complex or Kureno’s or the damned curse. Tohru toxically chooses to bear other burdens’ until they crush her.

Hana can’t come to save tohru from pain each time tohru indulges in it. Tohru must realize her own flaw & grow up beyond this toxic type of kindness. Feel & help others, but don’t use them to escape your pain & don’t indulge in their own struggles & neglect yourself. There is a reason hana’s knowing of tohru’s pain is thro “magical” waves, to symbolize that this can’t become a norm, not real. You can’t depend on magic to grow. I love that!

The white scarf bearing smudges of the tires even after kyo washed it shows that kyo’s love & care can’t magically heal all tohru’s pain. It parallels kyo’s words from se01, ep,24 when he said tohru didn’t heal all his pain, but he feels better simply cuz she stayed by his side. Tohru now is feeling better cuz kyo chose was there for her. Love doesn’t magically heal you, kids! But it sure puts you on the path! Also, this once again adds more depth to the (tohru/kyo) equal give & take dynamics.

This scene deconstruct the image of Tohru represented as an angelic mother throughout 2 seasons. Instead, It paints her as a real flawed girl with much need for growth. Exactly, like how we have learned by now that kyo isn’t a horrible monster nor a prince charming saving the day, but a flawed boy with much need for growth. However, these two push each other forward in a subtle way through daily situations! Excellent writing!!

-Kureno. (aka. who tohru should never become):

The harmful kindness: Kureno is someone who hurts himself & hurt many others (akito, arisa, shigure, & consequently the rest of the zodiacs) by giving the harmful types of kindness to akito, by completely erasing his own needs, desires & living for the sake of someone who would be far better without him. Kureno is who tohru might have become if she selflessly continues fighting solely for the sohma’s sake & trying to break the curse while ignoring her own life. She’ll become as miserable as kureno & the zodiacs will become dependable on her.

The destructive pity: Kureno pities this tormented child (akito) & chooses to stay with her until her tears dry. This pity is destructive cuz it is done while he wishes to be miles away with Arisa & it encourages akito to stay as she is. Look, a child whose mom hates her deserves pity. But an adult woman needs to learn to build relationships based on mutual affection & respect. This talk of pity reminds me of kyo & kagura. Kagura pitied the cat zodiac. The relationship was doomed cuz kyo refuses pity. It doesn’t matter if her pity turned into love later. Kyo doesn’t want that from her or anyone. There is NO equality there. We know tohru came to love kyo for all the times he was there for her & all the times he pushed her to improve, to complain, to want things! she said so in se01, ep, 24. But we also know that young baby tohru pitied the cat when her mom told her the zodiacs story. what if kyo thinks tohru’s affection is pity???? that’s a big NO for him & for every person. I really want tohru to be as far from any kurno’s traits as possible!!!

-Akito, the pitiful woman:

Akito was born a girl, forced to be raised as a boy by her mother’s demands? where is the father?? she was hated by her mother. why? she also hates her mom. (hate your child & they’ll hated you). So, akito is doomed by her mom. Akito tries to prove that she’s loved by the zodiac “she specified the male zodiacs” interesting! we saw how she hates both Isuzu & kisa & doesn’t give a damn abt kagura. This woman, forced to pose as a man, actually desires to be treated as a woman. As for the other zodiacs:

No worries abt hatori leaving cuz he’s 24/7 attending to her health.

Ayame makes tea exclusively for her & hatori.

she thinks Ritsu is too timid to attempt leaving.

Hiro’s a baby, momiji is hated cuz she can’t break him.

Kyo is destined to be locked. but Why she cares abt the cat anyway?? She publicly hates him & feels disgusted by him.

She used to control yuki but can’t anymore.

she uses intimacy to bound those who “can” leave her the most: kurno! & shigure? she sleeps next to shigure in the valentine ep. hatori remarked: don’t let akito catch cold. We saw the sexually charged rage in se02, ep10. So, she isn’t faithful to kureno. They don’t have a relationship. She doesn’t even have a relationship with shigure, either. to her, sex is a tool to tie them both to her?

It is ironic that the person who said she despises woman & accuses Isuzu of seducing hatori is herself seducing others. Except, tragically, kureno isn’t with her for herself, but cuz he pities her. We saw her slapping & embracing him. Next scene; her bare shoulders & his unbuttoned shirt clearly implies they got intimate which is what akito does to feel secure in kureno not leaving her. Kureno is not even interested in her despite submitting to her advances, needs & orders. He does it out of pity. Truly the most tragic form of physical affection: sex for pity. wow... how tragically pitiful is the abusive ruler of the zodiacs who looms over them & demands respect & eternal bonds. How can she find someone who’ll love her for herself, if she doesn’t learn to show good sides of her? Yuki wasn’t loved for who he is in school, but for being the “prince”, he showed his real character & got himself true friends & soon a lover!!!  Kyo, was feared & pitied for turning into a “monster”, but once he showed his kind & harmless self, he got himself true friends & a girl who loves him for his actual personality! Who will love akito for who she is if she only shows a spoiled child, horrible family head or a pitiful woman? What does shigure love in her? he doesn’t seem to pity her nor pamper her much, does he?  perhaps we’ll know more abt the real akito later.

Side notes:

Akito’s mom reminded me of kyo’s dad. Abused children, who are hated by their parents, don’t let go of the hurt easily. they’ll always try to either get their approval, show them they were worthy of their love, or they’re NOTHING like their parents think they are. eg: Kyo’s biological father’s hate has destroyed kyo. Kyo have kazuma & tohru & he still wonder why they love him. It took kyo 17 years to actually promise to call kazuma "dad” one day in se01 finale. You need time to heal the wounds inflected by the ones who should love you the most. Being loved by others doesn’t magically heal you! You need to take few steps forward.

Isuzu is Ren’s clone! finally understanding why the severe hate from akito towards Isuzu. I’ll wait for more Ren/Akito content before analyzing their relationship.

Ren is so sexy. ngl, the scene of the zodiacs touching her belly after she just *conceived* akito is so creepy~ ew! 

Hana picked up tohru first before kyo, cuz this show isn’t exclusive for romantic love as much as it isn’t exclusive for friendship. There is balance. 

Tohru needs her own future, so does Arisa & hana! Learn to accept the limit of what you can do as a friend, tohru.. forever loving furuba for steering away from “friends stay together forever~yay” anime trope! Furuba is abt independent & individual adult life! building your own future! Epic writing!

Forever fascinated by how much the little small ordinary daily life things has really built kyo-tohru love! It feels so real & very uniquely built! Excellent writing!

Arisa is stuck with an adult man trapping himself in the most unnecessary love triangle. Kureno’s cage is self made, no curse. A very sheltered boy/man not living in the real world. Only two options for kureno if he continues this path: he’ll hurt akito, or akito will hurt him. We know the answer from the trailer, don’t we?

Arisa letting go of kuron is growth! Let go & live, girl!

There is a subtle theme of learning to let go in furuba~

Yuki is the biggest kyoru shipper!

Tohru intentionally hitting kyo with scarf’s pon-pon is my fave side of her! intentional flirting shows change from her little girl’s good girl attitude to her own type of a feisty woman! after all, she’s nearly 18!

The way the camera moved when kyo spotted the scarf was so good!

The director is obsessed with flying!! did he work on attack on titans? cuz the Ren-akito flying fight reminded me of Titan Eren strangling Titan Annie in AOT se01 finale! but chibi version! XD. I’m sorry for akito’s pain, but I was distracted by laughing! XD

look, if you plan to dramatize a situation, know your budget & your skills. Obviously, the director knew the scene is badly done, hence, the wide far away, dim lit shot to hide as much as it can. Couldn’t he do without it? let akito strangle her to the ground without flying!

oh well~these over-the-top shots are now a furuba trade mark~ just praying they stick with one weird shot per season.

[thegracelessfaceless]

Hi love bug! Thank you so much in advance. Seeing your stuff in my ask box always makes me super happy.

So, I’m Elsie, she/her/hers, and bi (but I lean heavily towards men rn). I’m a Virgo sun, Scorpio rising and Aquarius moon. I’m also an introvert, but I love being around other people! I just get,,,,, tired easily.

I’m East Asian + Southeast Asian (Chinese and Vietnamese). I’m barely 5’0 tall! Long, black hair that reached my upper thighs and dark brown eyes that you can’t even see the pupil lmfao. I always have painted nails, usually red. I’m pretty athletic and I also like to think I have nice thighs—most of my workouts include building up my legs lol. I wear big gold hoop earrings. I also wear round Harry Potter glasses. My body isn’t very curvy, in fact I’m pretty flat but I am COVERED in stretch marks. I also have acne flare ups from time to time but it’s usually nothing noticeable anymore.

I’d like to think I’m a pretty chill person, likes to go with the flow and stuff like that. My friends say I’m often their therapist or their mom, which is kinda funny because that’s what I’m in uni for, to be a therapist. I’m a pretty determined and motivated person? I like to push myself pretty hard ngl but I also like to just hang out and take it slow. I also like to do stupid things like exploring abandoned buildings at 2am. I’m also big into intersectional feminism. I’ve also been told I’m really approachable and friendly, but bro I am so shy and quiet in public unless I get to know you.

I can get pretty stubborn tbh, it depends once again on what the topic is but once I’ve set my mind to it, that’s how it’s going to be. I also have low self esteem and my depression sometimes makes it hard for me to even get out of bed at times. I usually don’t know when to stop giving myself to other people, which means I get pretty exhausted and fast. I’m also prone to overthinking which stresses me out. And when I’m stressed, I can honestly get a little bitey.

I apologize to inanimate objects if I’ve bumped into them, and I also have a tendency to talk to myself? I also am a witch! I’m currently elbows deep in some deity work and ngl my energy is all over the place. I also have a weird habit of waving to security cameras I see in public because I like to think the people watching those cameras get a kick out of it lol.

I really like coffee, tea, singing with my ukulele, playing piano, drawing and art in general. I haven’t been able to draw as much as I’d like recently but I do have some animatics in my head. I also really like Victoria’s Secret perfumes, specifically strawberry pound cake—it’s what I always smell like lol. Crystals are super fun imo. I live next to a huge lake and it’s honestly one of my favorite places to be. Ocean animals are my favorite! I also really like car rides with like, one other person and just exploring the world and talking. The music I listen to is a lot of classic rap, lofi-hip hop, modern rap, some pop artists and Ella Fitzgerald, Gloria Gaynor, HaroinFather, KYLE, and ofc Hollywood Undead.

I cannot stand centipedes those things horrify me. I also don’t like rude people, bigots, people who purposely start drama or hypocrites. People who put other people down aren’t cool either. I don’t really like parties or being around lots of people, they make me anxious and kinda suffocated. People who try to force me to do stuff aren’t cool in my books either. I also think red meat is kinda gross, but that’s just because it makes me exhausted.

Eeeee I am so sorry if this is too much, but thank you so much in advance. Nothing but love to you, and all your future writing and everything you’ve done so far. 💕

Heyy! I almost hit the roof when your follow came in 😅.

So I told myself that Brian and Hoody are disqualified because of obvious bias, but, damn you make it hard!

So, Brian aside, I match you with...

The Puppeteer/Jonathan Blake

I know, I know, odd choice right?

But you came under his attention, and just when he thought you were getting ready to bend to his will, you'd rally. He found it... Refreshing that you keep fighting, no matter how low you feel.

Of course, he had to be persistent in gaining your trust. You weren't falling for his smooth talking ways. He tried not to use any information gained from his psychic gifts... but if they helped him know something you've really been wanting or something that's bothering him, that's a different story. It took him years to gain your trust and that was only after he slipped and let some of his old self, from before he became The Puppeteer, out. You seemed to prefer that side of him, so he revealed it more frequently.

Jonathan is an introvert too, and like you, being around other people can tire him out. He prefers nights in or long car rides with you with some good but soft music playing.

Jonathan finds it ironic that you want to be a therapist while his main method of feeding is by intensifying depression symptoms. In ways, you've softened him. He'll spare those who seem to have the drive to live. But he views it as a friendly competition of sorts. Like a married couple of lawyers, but one works for the prosecution and the other works for the defense. How many souls can you save verses how many he can take?

Jonathan will listen to every crystal fact you have, and want to know more about your witchiness. He's like a sponge. Throw information at him and he's soaking it up.

Let's gloss over the fact that he can control golden threads from his fingers. I'm sure it'll come up in #just chatting.

Jonathan is a caffeine addict, that and cigarettes are what fueled him when he first went to college. He loves drawing with you over a hot cup of coffee.

Eat what you want, Jonathan doesn't really care. He might take a bite of something every now and then, but he doesn't really need it. This makes it so he finds your scent... Intoxicating.

[boomerang109]

If it isn't impertinent to ask, how did you know you were non-binanry? Have you struggled with family or have they been accepting?

as long as you’re asking respectfully and because you’re actually curious, i’m happy to answer questions about any aspect of my identity. (that’s my way of saying you’re not being impertinent at all and everyone should feel free to drop into my inbox whenever they’d like)

also, warning for a long post cause i’m a wordy bitch who doesn’t know how to add a read more on mobile

so my experience is pretty much directly transposed onto aang in chapter 8 of wwda so if you’re asking about my actual thought process, you can kinda visit there. (and it occurred to me later that suki being aang’s first place of comfort could possibly fall into the ‘cis-savior trope,’ but that wasn’t my intention and simply was a reflection of the friend who most helped me with my gender crisis).

i had always known people used they/them pronouns, but i don’t think it was until i was regularly talking to friends who used those pronouns that my brain really comprehended those were an option. and i kinda was there like damn they’re so lucky they have the coolest pronouns and at some point it occurred to me that being jealous of someone’s pronouns probably wasn’t normal. and it’s definitely weird cause I’ve always personally felt that vibe of not being feminine enough OR masculine enough (not being a girly-girl or a tomboy as a kid), but i know as a kid i identified that ‘feeling like i didn’t fit in’ emotion as a sort of ‘girl power’ thing, like “I can wear dresses AND have swords!” (which i still do both, but now i know any gender can do this) whereas now i see it as being not a girl, but who knows. gender is such a social concept, i’m constantly like 🧐 what’s my gender? idfk. but another thing that did help me figure out my identity was my dysphoria (which not everybody experiences!!). i’d always thought it was an ace thing that i hated my chest, cause i didn’t understand why it was sexualized and whatnot. (but now i bind and just !!!! everytime makes me so happy, even though i rarely can cause my lungs are SHIT) but, i think most people are like connected to their bodies? and i very much just am not. that’s part of why it was so easy for me to ignore my identity cause i can put on clothes i HATE and i’ll only think about it if it’s actively uncomfortable or there’s a mirror. otherwise, i am just not aware of my body. i went most of middle school and high school not looking in the mirror and i used to say ‘what i look like is other people’s problem, not mine’ cause y’all have to look at me, i don’t. but i’m just good at ignoring things in general, from gender to sexuality to neurodivergence, i’m so busy pretending to be what i think everybody wants me to be, that i barely know who i am. also for a long time i felt really bad cause i thought i was lowkey transphobic cause i internally would invalidate non-binary identities (but out loud was always very supportive and would be mentally berating myself for being a fake ally) and uhhh. i know am aware that the only things i was transphobic about were the exact things that apply to me, so uhh. that’s just some internalized shit. also my name irl is technically gender neutral and i think i’m much closer to dressing neutral/masculine now, but people still completely identify me as female which kinda sucks. but also I’ve been performing as female for my fam so it kinda works. idk it’s all weird ngl. but the actual answer to your question was i realized it when i was ‘jealous’ of other people’s pronouns (which actually one of my friends did the same thing where they said like ‘oh you’re so lucky you get to be non-binary’ and the person they said that to had to be like, ‘if you want to be non-binary then that probably means you are’ and my friend was like 👀)

family is an interesting question cause i’m not out to them. but i also have my pronouns (they/them) in my Instagram bio and 4 of my 5 siblings are on Instagram, as well as my dad. i don’t think they’ve noticed yet. i’m very lucky in that i know my family would never kick me out or anything drastic (although i did realize that i have a piece of my bank account mentally stored for ‘if i get kicked out and need to figure shit out by myself’ which was just a strange realization) but right when i was considering coming out to my dad, he decided to make jokes about how weird they/them pronouns were. (he saw i was uncomfortable and reminded me, ‘oh, but you know i always support you’ but, i had really bad experiences with both my parents the first times i came out to them as bi and/or ace (even though they both meant well) so it’s just not something i’m looking to repeat). my mom honestly should have figured it out cause i told her about it one day when i was questioning and then refused to talk about it once i realized i was non-binary (i don’t trust her to keep a secret) but instead she just keeps teasing me for being like my one sister whenever i mention shopping for boys clothes. and since that sister was the one who ignored me for most of her teenage years, i don’t really appreciate the comparison. (also i realized that my entire fucking childhood she always always told me how grateful she was that i was a girl cause she’d always wanted a daughter. and without realizing it i think i internalized that and was like ‘yes i’ll make sure to be a daughter for sure’ even though i don’t think i am one)

and so, that was a very long way of saying, it’ll be a big blow up when i come out to my fam so i’m avoiding it (even though that means getting misgendered allll summer) as long as i can, but i do know it’ll be okay cause my family always means well underneath all the bs

but i have had a really positive time with my friends. it’s hard at university cause people will still call me she/her and i don’t have the courage to correct them, but my two friends both use she/they so they’re obviously good about it. and i got one of my friends at home to tell a bunch of my high school teachers for me cause she was emailing them and mentioned me and i was kinda like ‘hey one less coming out for me’ which was nice. and i told two other friends right before i left and they literally clapped (which i felt like was a very awkward reaction ngl, but it was nice). and one of those two kept accidentally calling me she, but would apologize when i corrected her. also i think that friend might be using she/they pronouns now too, so idk if that’s another example of me transing my friends’ genders (as i did to clara😉) or just the fact that queers find each other

i don’t know if you wanted this much detail, but i’m not really one for being concise lmao. if you were asking just out of curiosity i think i probably fulfilled that, but if you’re questioning or anything (or just curious, that’s cool too), feel free to ask more questions. i cant promise i’ll answer as quickly as i did this (cause i’m about to go pack b/c tmrw we’re going to visit my sister and her baby ☺️ so i’ll be busy prolly) but i’ll answer eventually

i hope this was helpful and/or enjoyable? if anyone actually read all of it ahdhdjsk

[freakygirlie]

Walker- 1x05~spoilers~

bye this shouldn’t have taken a month but here we are and I have no excuse other than the fact that I was avoiding tumblr anyways

~spoilers~ last warning!!!

4 MONTHS FLASHBACK WAS SO WELL SET UP!!! Walker in the Duke outfit looked good enough to eat <3 Ok and I liked Twyla in the beginning PLEASE.

‘‘Hope you can count to 11′‘ JDSJHJDSH SASS ON POINT <3

The scene of Walker shoving his head in the sink of water to ground himself was heartbreaking but at the same time so...badass idk man. Walker Ily.

‘‘August is grounded’‘ ‘‘You really want to test me? After this?’‘ SNAPPP. But like August is so scared of his dad leaving :( (i need to stop comparing sam and august in my head bye)

TRICKI!!! Micki and Trey’s interaction over his job was so cute i LOVE THEMMM. ‘’sports medicine’’ trey that’s not a thing but issok ily. Trey wanting to introduce Micki to his mom :’) OK BUT MY FAV PART WAS THAT AFTER MICKI SNAPPED AT TREY SHE IMMEDIATELY APOLOGIZED LIKE HELLO COMMUNICATION!!! WE STAN A COUPLE LIKE THIS SO MUCH!!!

SHIRTLESS WALKER ALERT SHIRTLESS WALKER ALERT H E L P.

‘‘Keep the circle small and the lies honest’‘ dAMN new instagram caption

I hate Graves. Like so much. Bitch diE. LIAM DEFENDING HIS BROTHER SO TRUE <33 MICKI DEFENDING WALKER! SO! TRUE!

JARED CALLING TWYLA BABY GIRL AND BABY DOLL PLEASE SOMEONE H E L P, LIGHTING MYSELF ON FIRE

sexy times we love ;) ‘’garlic bread and whiskey(?)’’ YUH SAME WALKER SAME.

WHY TF DOES EVERYONE THINK HE STOLE THE MONEY STAY AWAY FROM MY BOY :(

I don’t like Ruby ok. Someone tell her to go far away from August pls

MICKI GOING UNDERCOVER TO HELP WALKER SO TRUE AND SHE LOOKS SO GOERGEOUS MICKI HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS MARRY ME.

HER GOING AFTER TO HELP WALKER EVEN WHEN GRAVES TOLD HER NOT TOO I AKDJHJDHD EXPLOSION. CW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT SHIP THEM.

MICKI’S ACCENT HEEEELLLLLPPPPPPPP. ALSO WALKER’S ACCENT AS DUKEEE HELPPPPPPP. I have an accent kink apparently.

HAHHAHAHSAHJS TWYLA QUESTIONING MICKI(ADRIANA) AS TO WHO DUKE’S BEST FRIEND IS AND MICKI GUESSING IT CORRECTLY I LOVE HER. And that smug smirk she had when talking about putting him in lockup JSHJHSGS YES MICK WE KNOWWW.

‘‘there’s something she’s gotta do first’‘ I IMMEDIATELY KNEW THIS WAS GONNA BE THE BULL SCENE AND I KID U NOT IT WAS EPIC. IT DELIVERED. I LOVE THAT SCENE SM<3

But the one before that! Walker and Micki’s convo! Micki ribbing Walker for being a jackass<33 and Walker knowing that she stood up for him SHUT UP I LOVE THEMMM. Walker yelling in Micki’s ear JDSJDHJ ‘’still think i’m crooked Graves?’’ a) which kinda crooked walker ;) and b) graves i hate u bye

AUGUST COMING TO FIND HIS DAD OVER THERE. OHMYGOD OK LISTEN I LOVE U BUT U ARE AN IDIOT. Legitimately i was so mad Walker didn’t scold August for doing what he did. The conversation really broke my heart though. Walker was just pleADING with his eyes for August to go away but *sighs*.

Trey and Stella’s interaction was the cUTEST!!! I love Trey so much actually. And him being coach is smth I’m also very excited to see more of, he’s gonna be great!!!(this is a very nice time to add that Jeff Pierre liked my comment on insta<33)

And then we get to the best scene of this episode. Walker and Micki along with the others about to ‘’plan’’ the new raid so they can cover the missing 300K, walker being stressed about the August situation, shaking his hand and visibly trembling, MICKI HOLDING HIS HAND TO GROUND HIM SOMEONE TAKE ME AWAY I AM D E C E A S E D. THAT SO VERY TINY SCENE MOVED ME SO MUCH SHUT UP I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM.

THE WHOLE SHOOTOUT GOING THERE ENTIRE SCENE!!!! YES BADASS TEXAS RANGERS AWESOME GUN FIGHTING BAM BAM BAM.

Also i really loved the flashbacks of Duke’s undercover time. They were really well done and flowed with the story so much, how is this show real.

But Jared Padalecki i-

‘‘I lost someone....My brother’‘ YOU LITTLE- YOU KNEW. YOU KNEW WHAT THAT WOULD DO TO US I WILL CHEW ROCKS. ‘‘he was my best friend’‘ JARED WHY WHY WHY WHY.

‘‘butch and sundance’‘ i hate this show.

Loved Walker’s fake attempt to escape, so he doesn’t blow his cover, I don’t like Twyla anymore :) but i liked Duke, the character he was and ngl I ship Twyla and Duke, no one come after me for this.

WHEN HE GOT SHOT OHMYGOD FOR A SECOND I FREAKED SO BAD.(It’s just my Sam ptsd activating no biggie :/ i need to get over spn for my own good ohmyGod)

So as far as Twyla or Clint goes, Duke’s dead.......that might....come bite them in the ass later(after watching episode 6: oops i spoke too soon:) )

Clint and Crystal’s last dance moment was cute ok dont @ me bye

LIAM AND CORDELL ARE SO CUTE OHMYGOD. Liam calling Cordell ‘Cordi’ I’m in my feels no one touch me. The hand on his necK NO ONE TOUCH ME. PROTECTIVE!LIAM RIGHTS!!!

CORDELL TELLING LIAM NONE OF THAT WITH CLINT WAS ON HIM H E L P PROTECTIVE BIG BROTHER JDJSDJD I LOVE. 

THE HUG!!!! <33333

WALKER COMING HOME TO HIS KIDS AND EXPLAINING THE SITUATION!!! WE LOVE COMMUNICATION. ‘’Duke is dead’’ CHILLS.

Them burning everything, and getting rid of it all and being a family, i teared up again damn this show.

‘‘Emily’s murder....something is off,’‘ YEAH GET ON THE TRAIN BRO WHAT HAS WALKER BEEN SAYING

Micki and Trey scene!!!! I love them again, and the fact that they open up to each other and talk about what’s real and important! I love tricki so much <3

ANYWAYS THIS EPISODE WAS A BLAST!!!!! VERY WELL AND NICELY DONE WALKER JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!!! Also so glad it didn’t end on a cliffhanger <3

Speculation/Thoughts for Episode 6:- (what i felt when i first watched the promo since this is being uploaded after the 6th ep has aired i’m an idiot ok)

WHY IS GERI SELLING THE BAR I REALLY LIKE IT! SIDESTEP SHOULD REMAIN P L E A S E. ALSO HOYT RAWLINS IS COMIGN BACK OMG OMG OMG I LOVE HIM OK YEEEEE!!! And um Liam and James investigating Emily’s murder...........without informing Walker.........that’s gonna go well.....AND HELLO WHAT DO THEY FIND??? IK SOMEONE ON THE INSIDE IS INVOLVED OK. 

Micki’s mom is coming in this ep! I wanna see how that one plays out since we know they don’t have the best relationship. *sighs* parents :) 

i cant wait 3 weeks wtf. bring walker back.

[ugdohyun]

let’s get it 😤

mun info

name/alias: ej age: 18 + pronouns: she/her/hers timezone: est (gmt-5? 4? wtf is daylights savings???) discord: cozyboy#6004 little trivia fact: tbh i’m a k-hiphop/rnb junkie so watch me pretend like i can rock lol

character info

character name: nam dohyun age: 25 zodiac sign: cancer (meh, is this even accurate? tbd) group/band/position: singer & rhythm guitarist for CTRL info links or quick points about your character: half-baked stats and bio are up. apologies for the messy messy bio; messy me was racing against the app deadline lmao. so instead, here are way too many tldr points about the boy: 

background

born to a borderline chaebol mother and a borderline b-list rockstar father who really shouldn’t have gotten married at all; but it’s a shotgun wedding made possible by the conception of ~yours truly~ 

his dad is quite literally terrible and among many things, a serial adulterer. the man leaves (more like kicked out at last...) when dohyun is no older than ten. nam is actually his mother’s last name, which he takes thereafter

does dohyun have daddy issues, you might ask? ermmm well, let’s just say he doesn’t even know or remember the man well enough to hate or miss him so it’s whatever

spoiled growing up b/c his family pities how he’s fatherless. but probably they’re more worried that if they don’t ‘love him enough’ (read: expensive gifts and lots of nagging) dohyun will end up like his good-for-nothing father *shudders in rich grandparent* ... but he just plays this weird leverage game with them to do whatever he wants, running around with his ragtag bands and whatnot

in reality, there’s a lot of gaslighting in both directions. an implicit cloud of blame and pity looms over dohyun’s head, like ‘damn if u didn’t pop into ur mommy’s womb, none of this would have ever happened.’ idk, he’s a living reminder of the most shameful thing that’s happened to this family. everyone’s hoping that dohyun’s not like his dad but deep inside, they kinda believe he’s fated to suck anyways...

prime piece of evidence no. 1: why the hell is he doing this rockstar thing ??? dohyun realizes it’s pretty shitty to do this to his mom and whoever else but... it just feels right. ‘music is my life’ yadada but it’s also just fun, and he thinks he’s pretty good at it. the continued chain of success and unexpected fame from his various musical stints seem to agree. sure he had to burn some bridges and breach a whole lot of trust with his family to get where he is but come on -- they thought he was going to be a huge bust anyways, no? just meeting expectations!

personality

dohyun can be... other-worldly. 4d, sure. he’s in his own realm a lot of the time. like everyone else around him is on one orbit? he’s on a one-man spaceship vibing on another. doesn’t mean he’s clueless though; he’s actually extremely perceptive (just cancer things... or the result of sussing and being sussed out by his family his entire life) but will pretend like he doesn’t notice things b/c it’s more convenient to not care

often told he has a natural charisma which helps as as a performer, i guess. but more than likely it’s just (1) his face (ngl he knows he’s pretty) or (2) people stick around b/c they want to see what wack ass shit he’s going to do or say next. definitely a bit of a showman in that regard. anyways, he’s probably a fun guy to be around?

his whole ‘larger than life’ public image is not fake per say, but dohyun in intimate settings is more of a grandpa soul than you’d think. gets very excited and also very existentially tired about things rather quickly. probably an introvert at heart who is way too talented at being an extrovert

funky antics and ‘cool kid’ vibes largely hide the fact that he does have aspirations / desires (he’s serious about his music and what he’s doing in the indie scene; ctrl is hitting big and he’s seemingly getting places) as well as really dark thoughts and insecurities shh

super open guy without actually being open. definitely that guy you think you know really well until you really start to think about it... and realize you really don’t know him at all. damn. he’ll often listen to others and lend them a shoulder to lean on or pour them a shot, but will never seek it out for himself. really his upbringing has made it difficult for him to receive affection or care without being skeptical af or feeling like he’s being pitied

he’s got a lot of growing and soul-searching to do / i’m still figuring stuff out and would love for u all to be part of it <3

wanted connections

umm page to come eventually but some quick ideas i’d like to see for dohyun: 

ctrl bandmates! so many fun dynamics and moments we should figure out -- very ready to make all the other bands jealous heh

a real trooper friend and confidant who doesn’t give up on him, even when he’s being a little dodgy shit

a squad to just set hongdae on fire with -- not literally but figuratively. like live for the nights you won’t remember ayy

exes, flames, 'are we just friends?’,  one-sided(?) crushes, and any variants. dohyun is entranced by the idea of love but is trash at it in practice (genetics, right? an empty excuse for his actual rship problems lol). definitely breaks hearts but gets his own smashed way harder so it’s even, okay?!

i really dig a good childhood friends trope; whether that’s like friends to lovers(?) or enemies or rivals or ‘how the hell are you two friends’ or whatever

someone he keeps running into in the most awkward or embarrassing situations only

someone who sees through his bs; and vice versa

musical collaborators, rivalries, mutual fans, anything really; “um i think i liked you better on stage / you are not what i expected” moments?

an antagonist. sorry this is vague af, but point being: i’m good with ‘negative’ plots too!

i swear i’m better at this 1-on-1, so please! let’s chat it up!

[miaxeu]

      though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, MIA STOEGER is actually a descendent of DIONYSUS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-ONE year old MYTHOLOGICAL STUDIES MAJOR from LOS ANGELES, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite CHARISMATIC & DUPLICITOUS. 

( y’all dont deserve this real messy intro but im workin w half a bwain cell at 4am so i beg thee 4 mercy. nywyy im the excited new girl who’s hella pumped to meet all ur charas : katya ! feel free to hop in my ims to plot or drop a like and i’ll hop in urs ! x  )

POWERS

natural acting abilities — her ma’s a hollywoo agent so she started actin real early & now shes a big shot actress. there r more deetz on her career below !

chlorokinesis — it wasnt as natural as acting n she only started working on it when she turned 13 n started going to camps. b4 she just noticed shes good w plants but it wasnt super crazy or nything. its p good now tho ! shes prioritizing vine binding and manipulation 4 the self defense bc awards r cool n all but they dont rlly protecc from monsters ykwim 

levitation — shes trying her best ur honor

alcokinesis  — she cant conjure it or anything, she’s just immune to it ffff

BIO POINTS — cw: drug use ( full biography here )

her mom raised her by herself bc dionysus the party god was out of the picture immediately. she never told mia she’s a demigod & it was always just “ wow ur so talented ” or “ aww u got a green thumb ! ” but when she saw him claim 13 y/o mia by placing a weird hologram over her head while she slept, she knew she had to spill da beanz & tell her kid

ofc mia thought her mom was jus playing sum weird acting exercise w her bc her powers r so lowkey she could highkey just be a Mortal but insert sad whistle, the realizashun & the claiming meant heightened monster threat !! so yea ,,, one ended up chasing her a couple days later rip 

aside from the trauma, mia was ok. mostly bc she ended up cryin for dionysus like any child would n lo & behold he came & helped !!! as he should. nywy she made sure to go to summer camps every year after that but mostly just for protection purposes

she lowkey rlly hates this whole god business esp now that shes grown lmfao deadass thinks she got a bad deal bc life threats arent sexy !!! went to eonia eventually bc its Too Much Man. she just wants to go back to work and her life w the mortals w/o worryin for her life. would deadass fade her father if she could. may or may not be majoring in greek mythology to figure out the logistics of it all out of spite, who knows !

PERSONALITY

not ! a Drama Queen  —  dont get me wrong, shes hella Extra in the way she moves n acts sorta like shes always bein captured on film. is quick-witted & playful & can be a huge tease/flirt if she feels like it, but miss her w Real Feelings ! totally not sentimental. srsly she will try to rationalize away everything and is just,.,., not good w it. so soz folks, we just keepin it breezy here

ugh, she’s an Actress — aka she can act like she cares tho ! shes very much into keeping ppl on her good side. shes friendly n palatable to everyone bc its how shes been trained & while it doesnt seem fake, its def diff when its genuine

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known —  lemme circle back to the first one, ok so shes good w emotions but only in theory. does intense character work with her roles so she thinks that counts as her having eq when rlly shes just emotionally stunted, projecting n repressing like an idiot

blonde, skinny, rich, & a lil bit of a Bitch — shes only a bitch inwardly or to ppl she trusts enuff to let in on the gossip. if anyone full on opposes her or becomes real emotional, then this lil diva will rear its superiority complex head n snap a lil. will most probably do it v underhandedly n w a smile but it will be Brutal

girls just wanna have FUN ! — shes the child of da party god, so ofc she a true party girl. officially off the rails when she parties. inhibitions ? we dk her. can be insensitive in that case bc smtms its truly no strings attached, tis all abt the fun. likes company a lot & it doesnt even have 2 be loud or particularly abt her, she just likes having people around n the escapism of it all. will make friends with everyone n make sure they have a jolly fun time guaranteed at dionysus parties 

Work Hard, Play Hard — real responsible when it comes to work and commitments and if she trusts/likes u enough, she’ll give it 2 u straight, no bs. def thinks Calling Out is an act of love but maybe does it a lil too harshly smtms. v much into efficiency, sentiments be damned. not the feely words type. will sit next to u or party w u or even pay 4 ur therapist if u need sum1 to talk to. she will Be There while u work thru it, so long as u dont expect her to change n be all emotional n stuff

if she seems a lil contradictory thats bc she kinda is. tis the good ol nurture vs nature. her ma’s a real no nonsense chick n her pops is a frat guy drama geek greek god whos rlly into cottagecore so u get this lil blonde bitch whos sorta teetering on the edges

OTHER INFO  — cw: drug use ( full headcanons here )

re her career, she achieved pegot status when she was 18 aka she truly b dat bitch. shes not super mainstream famous tho, more like indie sweetheart, film snobs/critics fave typa gal. if ya want a trajectory she started w baby commercials then a sitcom from 4-10 ( think modern fam’s lily ) then it was off to the big screen & the stage ! 

mia has a lil bit of a drug habit. its not abusive or dependent, but it is a staple whenever shes parties bc alcohol is useless 2 her. started a lil young too bc hollywoo. primarily uppers/hallucinogens. she smokes weed a lil more liberally but the rest is mostly just an on occasion thing ( which, ngl, is a still a lil problematic when u party a lot rip )

after she got claimed, mia ended up going to demigod camps in a lot of diff places n countries, depending on where production would take her. there was never an established place, more like wherever was nearest when they wrapped up shooting bc monsters afoot n wutnot  

she was always homeschooled but she still managed to go to a prom and homecoming bc party is life. that makes eonia uni p much her first chance at having a normal educational environment & experience and even then its anything but. still tho this is her moment !!! im lit rally begging her to get a personality that isnt her internally rolling her eyes going “ its not that deep ”

might put up a bio/stats page if im feelin sxc but i wud jus like the records to show that mia stoeger is a bi sxc babe bc me ? write a het ? no grassy ass.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS — cw: drug use ( full connections here )

omg danny devito i love ur work ! 

,,, p self explanatory sdkjfs sum1 who loves her work ! it can be lowkey/highkey fangirl to a civil admiration

OR alternatively, y/m can Not Be a fan of her work. they might think the storyline of the projects she takes on r too out of touch n highbrow yada yada yada, but yes, we love to see either of it ! 

summer camp sweetheart !  

someone she met when at camp when they were teens ? doesnt matter in what country/city, but mia was only visiting so it was truly a one summer romance typa thing. bc she was younger, im thinkin 13-17 or w/e she was probably sweeter n a lot more emotional then. was it either’s first puppy love ? first kiss ? first “ relationship ? ” idk, do yk ? truly, so many possibilities. nothin set in stone just hmu bub 

summer camp pals ! 

p much the same as above but make it Platonic

party buddies !

or druggie pals. either way works but she wud luv it if theyre both xoxo

friends w benefits !

most probably ( but not limited to ) sum1 she met at a party skdjhsjk is it exclusive ? is any1 starting to develop feelings ? im down 4 nthing n evrything

alexa play true friend by hannah montana !

give mia her college bestie ! her confidant who knows her feels and can call each other out viciously with no ounce of resentment. we stan the friendships !

omg i love ur skirt !

that is the ugliest effing skirt i've ever seen. lmao basically sum1 mia pretends to like or acts civil w but rlly ,,,, Cannot Stand for w/e rzn   

im p much braindead rn but those are just sum ideas !!! ofc the usual staples like the pals, enemies, wutnots are also v welcome we love to see it. if u also have a wc that u think mia would fit in, id luv to know more ! there are also a couple more detailed ones here, but pls feel free to shoot me a msg n we can get 2 plotting x 

( * wipes brow * how did i type so much n say so little rip. mia is also a completely new muse so pls b patient n if i fuq up from time to time, pretend u do not see >.< nywy thnx 4 readin, sweets ! feel free to hmu here or at discord if ya wanna <3333 )

FULL INFO  ||  EONIA TASKS 

[lookosndhsk]

This is gonna be kinda a long post on two topics, the historical inaccuracy and the relationship between Catherine and Peter. SPOILERS

When I first saw the trailer for the show I didn't realize how historically inaccurate it was going to be, even though the title card says “an occasionally true story” once I started to do more research into the actual history and family tree I got really confused but in my opinion I don't really want my comedic drama shows to be historically accurate?? 

Because if you do want something historically accurate watch a documentary... there's a part of me that loves the historical inaccuracy because it still gives it opportunity to be original. An example is first man movie about Neil Armstrong and when my mom saw the trailer in theaters she said “why would I want to watch that movie I know how it ends” and I think who the show changes of so many characters in their own ways kind of says a fuck you to history I absolutely love.

This might be a unpopular opinion but I genuinely quite like the relationship between Peter and Catherine, far more than between Catherine and Leo. Even though I think Leo is a sweetheart at the same time I just can't get behind the relationship because there is a part of me that finds it plain. I mean when he says “I will haunt you” and she says “promise it” my heart went awww :(, but the same time I don't think the relationship has a lot of change or development between them as people, they start off kinda already in love and just remain that way??

But with Peter and Catherine I guess it also plays into the fact that this show is supposed to be historically inaccurate and when she mentions the idea of Peter just abdicating and practically becoming her consort and partying and raising children I was like damn imagine a season 2 of just that. Another moment I loved between the was when he confesses to her that he may be falling in love with her and both of their faces are like WTF? as well as when he just told her that he knows he doesn't talk in his sleep but he went along with the whole idea anyway. That whole episode to me was just like dang they could be so good together, they could be both great, you know? But I can't help but imagine a situation where they go on these diplomatic trips more often and Peter obviously is the face but then Catherine is the brains and when they were sitting at that fountain Catherine was genuinely being a nice wife and I was like why is the show making me like them together so much?

I'm sorry to say I know it's kind of a messed-up relationship but when they're both being sweet they're so good together like they challenge each other and they can actually grow and improve. A comment I have been seeing is the fact that Peter did punch her, that's messed up but at the same time it's clear Catherine in the beginning episodes is very unaware of things, she's very idealistic regarding how court life  in Russia works while Peter obviously obviously just wants a happy wife and empress but then this evolves into wanting a happy Catherine. 

And I'm sorry if this is repetitive but like I've so many feelings about that ending, it's beautiful and I love Catherine so much (like go get that crown girl) but the same time when it shows them working together I just go “shit they could be so good together”, anyway I'm going to be so sad if we get a season 2 and Peter dies in like episode one but then again I’ll be sad if he dies in any episode (ngl kinda just want him to become a stay at home dad for Paul).  

Please tell me what y’all think