#and i think that’s shaped me now (i.e. being even more annoying)

[servicetopjacob]

you know if you don’t have the same problems as everyone else suddenly people don’t care about your own specific-to-you problems? it’s like if people can’t relate somehow or someway to your struggle, they lose all empathy and advice speak and instead just either ignore you or tell you you’re annoying for feeling this way (and desperately wanting to change it without the tools/strength/support/circumstance to do so :/

[achubbydumpling]

I love your writing, especially when it comes to fat Bucky and/or Steve!!

What are some of your favorite weight gain tropes with them? And what's the biggest you like to see them? Bc I LOVE when they get to the point of mobility struggles and talking seriously about accommodating for immobility 🥵 so any thoughts on that, feel free to share 👀👀👀

hi! thank you so much, as slow as I am at answering them I really really really love getting asks like this (I mean who doesn't love compliments haha)

speaking of (im)mobility I gotta link two posts, one by me and one by @mylevisdontfitanymore with lots of fics about immobility:

https://www.tumblr.com/achubbydumpling/708676381409771520/whats-your-opinion-on-immobilitynearly-immobile

https://www.tumblr.com/mylevisdontfitanymore/713904301783810048/do-you-have-any-works-or-links-to-other-works-that

Now, to your questions:

What are some of your favorite weight gain tropes with them?

what isn't a favourite of mine? 😂 hm if I had to narrow it down to three probably

weight gain as a metaphor for healing from past trauma

old men finally getting to live the life of their kinkiest dreams

accidental kink discovery

(are those even weight gain tropes? 🤔)

and I usually prefer Bucky to gain (more) weight, I don't really have an explanation for this, it's just what I prefer (feel free to psychoanalyse that 😂)

And what's the biggest you like to see them?

any size at all really, fat, overweight, underweight, morbidly obese, the brain rot is in the stucky 😌😂

no I mean I don't mind as long as it's somewhat "realistic", i.e. a person of that weight has lived on earth before, idk I'm just not really into the thousands of pounds weights? I feel like at some point you can't really escalate anymore in terms of writing the experience, how does 3000lbs feel different from 1000lbs? it can be done, I've read some excellent stories before

but generally I'd say anything below 1000lbs is like a soft limit for me while reading and especially when I'm writing the story

that being said hnnng mobility struggles 🥵🥵🥵

Bc I LOVE when they get to the point of mobility struggles and talking seriously about accommodating for immobility 🥵 so any thoughts on that, feel free to share 👀👀👀

is there anything better than constantly being out of breath, being painfully aware of how fat and out of shape they are when they're just walking to the kitchen or when they're just too big to fit somewhere

I love it when immobility is constantly on the horizon, threatening to take over but for right now they can still get around, right now it's exhausting and annoying and so so so hot just to do the simplest things because of their weight and their size.

and then with Bucky and Steve I think mobility aids and accomodations would come relatively late into the process, not because Bucky doesn't want them, but because he 1) has the/a supersoldier serum so that eases some of the intense discomfort and pain and mostly reduces it to an annoyance or some things just take him longer and 2) he has a super soldier around to help out

I think some accomodations would creep in without them even noticing, like

when Bucky first moves into Steve's apartment it's still a bachelor pad, mostly Steve's decor and some furnishings SHIELD put in for Steve, one of the things they replace is the low futon style bed

they aren't even really thinking about accomodating Bucky's weight yet, but they both gravitate towards a higher bed, maybe a really nice box-spring bed?

(I honestly don't know much about beds 😅 but I like the ones that go all the way to the bottom and don't have feet or short ones because I feel like those would be less likely to break due to weight or.. shenanigans)

something that's around hip-height, that makes it easier for Bucky to get up since he doesn't have to heave himself up from such a low position

also something with a high weight limit just because hey, they're big guys even when they aren't actively gaining and getting heavier and when they're having fun in bed (feeding, stuffing, sex (in that or any order haha)) they don't want to have to worry about accidentally breaking anything

heavy-duty chairs obviously no arm rests, as hot as it is to try and squeeze his fat ass in, Bucky doesn't need that at every meal, I feel like they'd have a huge sofa, not just a three seater or something but the full thing with like ottomans and pull-out sections

heavy duty everything really though I feel like SHIELD would've added that just because they know Captain America has super strength and would probably appreciate some sturdy furniture in his apartment, someone had to furnish that apartment for Steve, I can't imagine him thawing out of the ice and heading straight to bed, bath and beyond 😂

that's furniture, what about behavioural accomodations?

Steve definitely gets Bucky whatever he asks for, no need to get up when Steve is already on his way, I love the headcanon that the serum gave Steve a serious energy boost, like he can barely sit still and even if he does his thoughts are racing instead, so yeah most of the time he's puttering around the apartment anyway and he's more than happy to get Bucky whatever he wants

whenever they go out they're quick to order an uber or use public transport, they don't walk much when they're together, Steve enjoys running, even when he gains weight I think it's a good outlet for his pent up energy, and if they want to enjoy the city, they'd rather sit in a café or on a shaded bench in a park, than walking around aimlessly just for the sake of it

(this is like 80 million head canons stacked on top of each other 😂)

Bucky with a cane enough said, actually not enough said

his joints, bones, muscles, tendons are probably a mess of scar tissue after 70 years of being the winter soldier, so I 100% support the headcanon that he struggles with chronic pain from that

his prosthesis looks heavy af which could lead to some one-sided overuse and when he takes it off, he's leaning to the other side, a cane could help with balance and

imagine he's so heavy and his thighs are so thick that he has a heavy waddle that makes him sway side to side and the cane helps him stabilize his body during every step he takes 😩😩😩

it's a clichée at this point but riding a mobility scooter while buying a shitton of food, Bucky is already pretty big at this point, like "worrying about the weight limit on those scooters"-big, even with the arm rests pushed up Bucky is squeezed in, he's definitely wider than the seat and you can see his hips and thighs hanging over the seat of the scooter from the back (Steve loves letting Bucky lead the way just to get a view of that backside 😏😂)

this is also the point where they're like "ok, we gotta seriously talk about mobility aids now" I imagine Bucky's been using the cane at least since he was below 300lbs (ooh braces too maybe to support his knee?) and the first time he used the mobility scooter was a novelty and a "I wanna feel fat"-moment, you know what I mean?

but then Bucky notices how much less exhausted he is after grocery shopping, usually he takes a short nap after and he used to think it was just mostly because of all the lights and sounds and people, just a sensory thing, but now it's like "no, carrying around all this weight is definitly a big part of it"

idk if they'd go straight for a personal mobility scooter, I feel like Bucky would maybe add a walking frame first? not a lot of moving parts and it's similar to his cane, so there's some familiarity there, it's helpful around the house but outside it's usually more of an annoyance because people won't move out of his way and the uneven pavements make it feel less stable than inside

next he might start thinking about a wheelchair, the jump to a mobility scooter feels huge, something manual feels easier to think about, he'd still have to push himself

but after trying it out Bucky has to admit that it takes a lot of strength and endurance to push himself around and he doesn't want Steve to constantly be pushing him, not because he thinks Steve wouldn't want to do it but because he also wants to look at Steve's face while they're out and about and just chatting about everything and nothing, and he'd give up a lot of freedom if he went with a manual wheelchair right now

so a mobility scooter it is

it takes Bucky another few months to actually decide, the reason it feels like such a huge step is partially because of what other people will think, Bucky has a slight exibitionist streak, but getting around in a mobility scooter will draw even more attention than he already gets

it's almost a self-proclaimed, "I'm too fat to walk", which isn't true, he can and does still walk around fine, maybe not that far or that often, but he can still do it and hell, he gets off to the thought, Steve gets off on it too, it's not like what people assume is going to be wrong

but this big investment is almost like a final nail in the coffin of his mobility, is it giving up or giving in? finally permission to stop worrying, to stop scoping restaurants and cafés for chairs that'll hold him, to start demanding people make space for him instead of jostling his walking frame or bumping into his cane

in the end Bucky doesn't regret his decision, even for a second, he gets to visit his favourite places in the city without pain, without wheezing from exhaustion, without feeling embarassed by how much space he takes up (as delicious as that shame could sometimes be when Steve talks about those moments afterwards in the bedroom)

and maybe they finally cycle back around to replacing their current bed, not because it's broken but because they're dangerously quickly approaching that heavy weight limit and maybe a bariatric bed is the next step in Bucky's journey

[kafkaoftherubble]

I do not like Anton one bit

Honestly, the dude ain't high on my list too. Hearing chauvinistic/paternalistic pomp out of Huge Jacked Man (read: bræt) doesn't add points to his charisma stat. AT ALL.

I find it a little funny that we're now in an era where the Hayase rebirth is universally more well-received (Kahaku and Mizuha weren't universal back then) and well-loved than a dude who isn't a rebirth or a suspected rebirth of any prior character. It's also kinda funny because this ended up being a curveball, in-story indictment against a eugenicist's worldview: if people are really hard-coded by their genes, such that manipulation and concentration of good genes (i.e designer babies) will produce good, superior people...

Then why is Anton's perfectly designed ass stuck with this unlikeable, slappable personality, aye?

CHECKMATE, NOKKERS

In all seriousness though, I can't really bring myself to hate Anton. I just can't look past how much his environment made him who he was. The brain-rotting Kaibarapaganda; the devotion to a measurement of merits (Star System) in their meritocratic society; the culture and norms he was shaped by... There are just too many causes to his effects that just don't fall under his responsibility. The causal determinist in me simply cannot look past these to judge someone, and so I'm just annoyed by Anton at worst but kinda okay with seeing him. His side-plot with Tonari will be life-changing for him, I bet.

I'm trying to imagine a scenario where I'll definitely hate the shit out of Anton, but honestly, I think even if he wounds his brother, it won't necessarily make me detest him yet. Unless he, say, does something to Abel that I can reasonably separate from the larger environmental factors he's raised in?

If he looks down on his brother or even sees Abel as a mark of shame because the latter is Lacking (I don't know if Anton knew; I lean on the side of "he's likely ignorant"), I'll definitely hate his ass slightly more. But then it'd be only slightly, because even his prejudice toward Lackings (if Anton had any to begin with) was conditioned by his society and what he learned from the adults around him.

Damn. You just made me realize something, π! Anton is just too emblematic of a well-to-do kid living in Kaibara society for me to not assess his crap as the fault of the system instead of him. A lot of things about him are simply a microcosm of the larger society he lives in.

So yea. If I don't like Anton, it's because I really don't like whatever part of their society that made him like this.

[coweggomelet]

i’ve got a funny story about passing out actually

i was in i wanna say 7th grade health class and all of a sudden my lower back starts hurting really bad. i don’t know what’s causing it, just that it hurts, so i leave to go to the nurse

i get ten steps down the hallway and all of a sudden my ears start ringing really loud, i can’t see very well, and i feel all wobbly. this obviously means i’m dying, or spontaneously getting cancer, or something equally bad. and because everyone’s in class still, i’m in an empty hallway, leaning against the wall cause i feel like im gonna fall over

after a moment, i realize that im going to lose consciousness. i don’t think of it in terms like that cause i’m 12 but i know something bad is happening, and that something bad (i.e. death, horrible illness, or extremely premature heart attack) happening in an empty hallway where no one will see or help me is also bad

so, brilliantly, i think “i’d better go back to my class, where there’s a teacher”. i turn around, clinging to the wall with both hands as i continue to fade, my vision nearly gone, ears ringing like a bomb just went off next to me, fighting off the faint as much as i can. somehow, i get to the door of my classroom, and despite barely being able to see basic shapes and colors, i open it

at this point, i’m clinging onto a tiny handheld of consciousness with a quivering pinky. i had used all of my 12 year old willpower to get myself here, and now that i’d opened the door, i was around people and could let go

so i take one step through the door and fall flat on my face on the classroom floor. i was unconscious before i hit the ground

according to reports, everyone in my class immediately freaked out. id walked out to go to the nurse, and barely a minute later had walked back in and taken a nosedive onto the linoleum. my eyes had even rolled back in my head

naturally most of my classmates came to the conclusion that i had died in front of them

i regained consciousness, mostly lucid, after like 20ish seconds to a classroom full of several crying girls, a couple boys freaking out, and my health teacher standing at the front of the room looking like someone had hit him in the stomach with a bat

i was not allowed to even sit up, which i found very annoying. nobody listened to me when i said i was fine. i was also not allowed to walk to the nurse, which was even more annoying. my health teacher had one of the boys from my class fucking wedding style carry me down to the first floor where the nurse’s office was while another boy held the door for us

my mom came and got me and i was perfectly fine, the pain had even gone away

and that, folks, was my first ever period

Feel free to tell me more about it

[temporarymoods]

bad spirit

hi blog, missed you too. yesterday was a really good day, I realized by the end-- more on that later. well today started quite nicely, too, but right now there's a dark swirl in my chest and I wish it would just leave me alone.

i don't try to be angry, but a lot of the time i just am. this really only hurts me. i get miserable and sad about it. sometimes i figure my irritability is my body's way of telling me it's hungry or tired, so i feed it, and break. and yet

writing this was a good idea-- i can already tell its starting to doze off, just a little. still i'm mad at a bunch of things. you can imagine the vectors shooting out from behind my ribs in a plethora of directions, sharp and targeted. mostly at people, i guess, or circumstances. big difference, i know. but whatever. on one hand, i house all these weird values and general angst. on another, you could just call me sensitive. (i might have once cried, haha, but it's true.) tendency to get feelings hurt-- is this not all of us?! i think about my trauma, as compared to his and hers and theirs and yours, and a rough sense-making picture emerges; i don't talk about this with anyone, really, not my therapist, not myself, but i guess there's no harm in mentioning here that i wasn't the most well-supported when upset growing up. i feel that i'm bent out of shape.

anyway, enough! i don't feel super comfortable talking about how i process things weird/poorly/not at all. i'm supposed to be the friend that's always processing, lmao. about that. actually no. never mind.

back to the angry cat in my thoracic cavity-- she's gray and black, her hair is standing on end, and she's really tiring me out. what has pissed me off to such a degree that i had to abandon this afternoon's schoolwork quest on rough-start terms and pop open tumblr.com? well maybe that's not for you to know, blog. just kidding, i'll cut a slice of the cake for ya.

marching band (cue audience reaction) takes a lot of time & effort from me, and i don't get a ton in return. that's one reduction! much more within the honestly painful & complex situation to discuss but, no... that! scratch uno. scratch dos? the repairs around my apartment have been completed rather shoddily; net-zero outcomes, i say, pessimistically-upon-reflection; there are just as many problems as there were before our requests were handled, i exaggerate. on the real, that's just annoying, sorry. sorry i'm being a bitch, idk, blame my other, more serious, home security trauma that i'm not going to get into right now/you just have to take my word for! ugh, god, so bad at this. that's the other thing though, i thought while making pizza for snunch (snack lunch)-- why do i feel like a bitch all the time?

answer: either i) i am or ii) i'm crazy

this is where i, if presently corny (i can practically hear the nodding), get even more so-- this is why i really do want to know what people think of me, because at default i have some of the worst answers. common themes: exhausting, rude, unserious. i mean, fuck!!!

(thank you mother phoebe waller-bridge for the 'bad feminists' line and for your pronunciation of 'cafe', while we're here)

so, what? i feel badly about myself, sometimes people make me feel bad about myself, and separately, i might just be a horrible person. lmao. let's go with curtain 3-- ass scenario, but what can i even do? the thought is to go away, as much as possible. convenient, given that's what i do when i'm in a mood, like right now. isolate, then stay: that kind of sucks. and is pretty dumb. which brings us to the 'reform' option, i.e., get better, in the moral sense.

i've been reading this reproductive justice book and it's got me feeling like i've got the right outlook on things. like, god, i'm so glad this work is letting me see the world more clearly; like i actually have the real knowledge to do something about all this crap. as i walked so serenely to campus this morning (dressed perfectly, empty mug in hand because i just walked out of the house with a sip left in her,) i was listening to an audiobook version of the text. along the way i found an id card on the ground, brought it to the library. saw a familiar face outside the building, thought "oh that's the grad student labor organizer i didn't have time to talk to the other day, let me see if i can help" and ended up hailing down strangers to vote for the next better part of an hour before class. glad they're getting their union! at least that made me feel good about what i do to this world.

kind of done writing now. here are the last thoughts.

i wonder if i do too much alluding on this blog? i mean, i'm gonna make the link publicly available soon and using the adjective "dramatic" to describe kate only flies with my mental health some days. i don't... idk. this is my art!

finally::: maybe im pasing ! and maybe my good friend from high school will visit me in october ! and maybe i will learn to talk all of the time the right way ! maybe, leaves will turn orange, and fall, and everything will be alright.

cya, kate 9/21/23

p.s. post playlist: - opener: a thread to find, shannon lay - damn, ada lea - eye on the bat, palehound - my love mine all mine, mitski - finale: big girls dont cry, fergie

[racingtoaredlight]

E. POWER BIGGS MCLARGEHUGE

This is a stream of consciousness more than usual today...I posted this clip and was listening to it, thinking “jesus fucking christ, I can’t even imagine how difficult the pipe organ must be to play.”  Which isn’t necessarily true, because I can imagine how difficult it is to play.

Lets start off with the biomechanics...take your average elite drummer...say a Dennis Chambers or Bill Bruford type, and all their insane 4-limb independent movement.  Now take a virtuoso pianist like...oh, I don’t know, Glenn Gould...and make them play counterpoint with their feet too.  Then add the breath control of a great saxophone or horn player.

Guitar is probably a 4/10 on the difficulty scale when talking about instruments.  It’s tricky to learn how the fretboard lays out, but once you get that down, there’s not a whole lot of technical difficulty in the way.  Piano is even easier.  Once you learn how to use both hands at once, it’s no more difficult than typing on a keyboard in your office.

Typically, fare for these difficult instruments is pared way down so that musicians can play things that actually sound good with some relative ease.  But, of course, at the extremes we find musicians that not only clear an absurdly high barrier for entry, but then take it to incredible places.

This led me to write about the French horn...i.e. “the horn.”

***

If there was a singluar instrument that unites all musicians in terms of admiring those who can play it well, it’s the horn.  My grandfather was a trombone player...good enough to be a sub for Rochester’s main orchestra, and a mainstay in the amateur groups for decades.  He dabbled in the horn literally as a way to annoy his family.

My dad would tell me about how he’d be up at 7am on the weekends and practice in his basement office.  The vent led right up to my dad’s bedroom, and that gurgling cacophony of a horn played poorly was his alarm clock as a teenager.

But my grandfather knew that the trombone was where his talent lay.  Simply put, the horn was so much more difficult than any of the other ones he had down...trombone, trumpet, cornet, English horn...it just wasn’t worth the hours to master.

This quote sums it up better than I could...

Like the trumpet or tuba, valve keys (the instrument’s flat buttons) help players adjust the distance the moving air travels without changing one’s embouchure and airflow. The longer the tube, the lower the note (and vice versa). But for the French horn, a steady supply of air and pressing the right keys isn’t always enough to hit the right tone. Especially at the higher end of its range, certain notes can be played with the same valve key combinations, meaning it’s up to the player to maintain the exacting muscle memory and airflow to land a pitch correctly.

“The target is a lot easier to hit on a trumpet, trombone, or tuba. Whereas, on a horn, the notes are a lot closer together, and there is a lot more possibility of cracking something,” says Culpepper. The French horn’s register plays in a higher range of the harmonic series (essentially, the notes that are naturally playable without the use of valves), compared to other brass instruments. At higher pitches, it is incredibly sensitive to even small changes in the position of the mouth and air volume. That’s one of the main causes of so many blunders, and the reason brass players joke that the best way to make a trombone sound like a French horn is to stuff your hand into the bell and miss all your notes.

***

Point being, the margin for error is so preposterously small on the horn, if you don’t have superb breathing endurance and control (to ensure the proper air pressure and consistency) combined with impeccable technique (even small changes to your mouth shape would ruin the note), it’s going to be a fucking slog.

So why does anyone play the horn then?

Because the payoff is worth it.  The sound quality is just unbelievably good.  The range is tremendous and satisfying througout the harmonic series.  Four horns can do a similar job as an entire section of violinists OR violists.  It’s the ultimate horn, plain and simple.

***

This is one of my all time favorite pieces of music, and it’s all because of the ONE chord the French horns play.  Give me 45 seconds of your time...

Start this at 2:10 and just let it build.  You’ll hear the horns get more and more prominent as the orchestra builds up until the end, which everything lays out and lets the French horns sound this unbelievably beautiful chord on their one.  Perfect intonation.  Perfect unison.  Just incredible shit all around.

***

Horns have some of the strongest historical legacies of any of the groups of musical instruments other than drums and vocals.  Humans learned how to manipulate their lips and breathing to create sounds from animal horns that carried more distance (i.e. volume) than the human voice, and used these to signal other groups when hunting or during war.  They were used to announce things to the public, specifically the entrances of royalty or high ranking clergy.

Think of how many different terms are still around today that deal with horns.

“Horns of war.”  “Sound the trumpets.” In the Book of Revelation, God commanded Jericho be attacked by seven priests wielding trumpets.  Think about how horns are still used today...in cars, on boats, to signal shit coming like tornadoes...

The horn is like a sonic bulldozer.  Things like violins and woodwinds cut through the sonic mix with sawtooth sonic waves.  Horns are exactly like bulldozers though.  Their waves take up a ton of space, and just plow through...which is why you can have four or six horns do the job of dozens of stringed musicians.

And the French horn is the Cadillac of all of them.

IF you can master it...a big if...the payoff is absolutely tremendous.  An unbelievably rich sound that covers a huge sonic range, and one that’s the platonic ideal of an entire class of instruments.  But fuck is it hard to play.

The guitar is easy.  Which is why I like it.

[3vocatio]

the thing abt one of the most <3 solomon scenes being copied word for word for diavolo is just so. it's not even insane or unbelievable to me it's just extremely irritating like these are genuinely such wonderful characters in a wonderful setting how are the devs messing up on the writing bit THIS bad.

idm the fan service because like... otome game & all that but also that doesn't mean that they can't have a compelling plot and good writing to go with it????? especially in events like clearly they keep trying to include every single character and it just. doesn't work. and there are just SO MANY events too like if you're playing for non-plot purposes it's still so goddamn annoying because let the players breathe 😭

idk i just wish the writing quality in the game would improve at the very least. like it's fine if it's 'cringe' or wtv at least come up with original and decent plots instead of just repeating the same things over and over again yk?

sorry about the rant i've just been really pissed about this lately in the game 😭

oh my GOSH raaz solomon is the last person the obm devs haven't messed up (+ the new side characters, specifically mephistopheles) and i'm so terrified of the obm devs ruining him like they did everyone else...

in this new steampunk event, the locked route is SPECIFICALLY being catered for whales. unlocking the chapters was easy to build up to, but now you need 15 keys off the bat to continue, and i feel like it's heavily reflective of how indifferent the devs are towards actually doing their own characters justice. everything is meant to serve their whales, bring in more revenue, and sit comfortably even when they know they're angering their own fanbase by rubbing salt in the wound (i.e. making satan self-aware of his cat obsession, solomon outwardly expressing discomfort for the erasure of his humanity from other characters).

the devs are growing to completely disregard their own story, slapping together some fanservice in the main story when most of their fanbase can't even reach that point. why not serve your veterans & those who financially support you with consistent & cathartic story arcs? why not balance everyone, everything?

so i share your frustrations: obey me has been spiraling down in quality for a long time. i think that the last time i've been satisfied with the story was during season 2, when the fandom wasn't as big, and people were invested in figuring out what'll happen next because everything was cleverly panning out to a huge event: the dagger scene with lucifer. people didn't know what to make of simeon's play, and i remember when people theorized that the play would parallel a huge event near the end of the season... and we were right! and so many people were genuinely happy with the story being able to keep their interest and keep them on their toes.

now, there is a severe lack of anything reminiscent of holding anyone's interest, even the veterans, even me. i would woefully log onto tumblr as season 4's lessons rolled around every week, and would share everyone else's disappointment when we gradually accepted the fact that the story was easy to predict given how lazy the devs had become. i want them to take their time so badly, to give us quality over quantity, but with solmare now becoming so big with their new cash cow, obey me, compared to their previous cliche otome games, i think they've allowed the success to get to them.

thoughts of “it's an awful game, i hope no one plays it” and “it's a nice game to play, i can't wait to share my thoughts” are two things that can coexist, albeit shaped into something more along the lines of “it's a horrendous game that i can bond over with friends” once you find yourself being sucked deeper into it.

i don't think i'll stop playing anytime soon, because as i told someone in the past, “[it has] flavor in all of its terrible, atrocious glory”. i'm able to use concepts & ideas that the story gives me and, in my eyes, i get to make it better. i get to share my thoughts with like-minded people like you, and everyone jumps on the inspiration bandwagon. people bond over the same failures that makes us frustrated, and that's one of the few reasons i have any semblance of gratitude for obey me.

[nothorses]

ngl I think that there are like... kinda two words here:

"transmisogyny" as an intersection of transphobia and misogyny- i.e., transphobia that is misogynistic or misogyny that is transphobic

and

"transmisogyny" as a kind of transphobia that is uniquely targeted at transfemininity.

and like, I think the idea that "transmisogyny" actually just refers to the first thing is kind of part of the problem we're having. because like, obviously other trans people experience misogyny; more importantly, transphobia itself intersects heavily with misogyny, because misogyny itself is very much shaped around policing gender roles. they share the exact same roots.

but if we accept that all trans people experience some intersection of misogyny, then we're basically saying that transmisogyny isn't special, right? it's just transphobia.

and that doesn't make any sense either; obviously transfemininity is targeted in unique ways! and we need to be able to talk about them!

a lot of the people who reach this conclusion then look at this second possible definition, the idea that "transmisogyny" is just referring to the way that transfemininity is uniquely targeted, and they feel uncomfortable with the implications of that. it leaves room for other trans people to be uniquely targeted, and to come up with other words to talk about it, and for whatever reason, they don't want that.

so now they argue that "transmisogyny" actually means that transfemmes are the MOST oppressed, and that's why nobody else can have a special word. or they argue that only trans WOMEN can exist at the intersection of transphobia and misogyny, and that's why no other trans person can claim they experience misogyny. or whatever.

idk. I'm rambling on your post, I'm sorry. my point is just that I think letting the word mean "transphobia directed at this specific way of being trans" does kind of serve our purposes.

it's silly that a word intended to describe the intersection of transphobia and misogyny has ever tried to exclude any kind of trans person, and it annoys me, too. but like, a word that broad also kind of describes transphobia in it's entirety. and we do need words to describe the specific kinds of transphobia that target specific ways of being trans. so. 🤷‍♂️

I think we can work with what we've got & what people are going to be able to understand most easily, and "transmisogyny" is widely recognized as basically describing this already. even if it might have ended up differently if it had been coined with more & more diverse trans experiences in mind.

I know @doberbutts has mentioned a few times how he was taught that "transmisogny" was a term to be applied to all trans people, & honestly I do enjoy using transmisogny to describe the mixture of transphobia & misogyny which connects trans* liberation with women's liberation. especially when we acknowledge that "transmisogny" doesn't just look one way, and interpret the treatment of trans men under misogyny.

I think there's also use in having transmisogny (as transphobia targeting transfems) and transandrophobia/transmisandry/anti-transmasculinity), but I think the above use of transmisogny is also a good way of like. Unifying trans* experiences across the spectrum & also making a connection to how the patriarchy functions in general (specifically thinking about how @nothorses has talked about misogyny being tied to so much gender discrimination outside of just (cis) women)

But also. it makes me laugh knowing that that definition would still piss off so many people. Especially applied to trans men. There is no winning lol

[honeyhuii]

Runaway With Me Chapter 3: Flowers for you

Warnings for chapter: Swearing, Ari gets a little physical with the reader,

Word count for chapter: 744 (not counting the rules)

Genre: Fluff, minor angst

Rating for chapter: PG-13 Crude language and minimal violence

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A/n sorry for the short chapter :(

The rules of the world go as follow and everyone must follow:

There are pretty privileges. I.e The above-average looking shall be granted special v.i.p privileges like passing classes, special treatment at restaurants, cafes, fast food places, and have a 35% discount off any purchase.

The rich are allowed a 15% discount on any purchase as well as have special treatment at restaurants, cafes, fast food places, etc. They are allowed to pass classes much like the above average, however, they must pay for said classes they want to pass.

The above-average are only allowed to marry others above average or the rich. It is forbidden for an above-average to be in a relationship/marry those who are considered average or below.

The average or below will be allowed to befriend those above them as long as it stays at that. If it becomes more, the average or below will be shunned from society and will either be sent to prison for treason against the laws or have to pay a fine depending on status.

The average or below will not be allowed jobs in certain fields. I.e anything involving entertainment, politics, sales representatives, teachers, writers, nurses, or being a doctor.

The average or below are only permitted to have two kids to prevent the population from being overrun by the average or below. That does not include triplets or etc. If they have more than two, the youngest will be sent to an adoption centre to be adopted by those who are unable to have children.

If an average or below has a child that is of an above-average status, the child will be the only one allowed to use pretty privileges.

If an above-average have an average or below child, the parents will be the only ones allowed to use pretty privileges

It’s been a few weeks since your coffee “date” with Yeonjun and you both have weekly hangouts with each other. Which has been annoying the hell out of Ari because how dare someone ignore her for someone else. Especially not some average girl, so she was going to give you a piece of her mind. If only she could get you alone without Yeonjun clinging onto your arm like some lost puppy dog. Pathetic really. She can’t believe she’s supposed to be with someone who won’t even give her the time of day and looks so pathetic chasing after some average. Ah, there you were. Finally, you were alone without Yeonjun chasing and giggling after you.

You on the other hand were completely unaware of Ari marching towards you. You were too lost in your thoughts thinking about these past few weeks. Suddenly, Ari grabs your wrist grabbing your attention. “Uh, will you please let go of my arm?”

“Stop hanging out with Yeonjun or You’ll regret it,” she grips your arm tighter with each word, Your pretty sure it’ll leave a red mark in the shape of her fingers.

“Please let go of my arm, you’re hurting me,” Your arm starts to sting and tears start to form in your eyes.

“Do you understand Y/n?”

“Y-yes, now please let go of me,” tears are flowing down your face, evident of your pain.

“What the fuck is going on here,” Yeonjun’s hand drops to his side, the flowers wrapped in his grasp follow with.

Ari flinches at the tone of voice, but a smirk then graced her face. She put on her best-acting face and got to work. “Yeonjun, she threatened to hurt me if I didn’t stay away from you.”

You were cradling your arm trying to soothe the pain. Tears were still falling down your face. You wanted to confront her, tell Yeonjun the truth, but you highly doubt he would believe you. You may have been his friend, but Ari was his promised-

Yeonjun comes up to you, cradles your face making you look up at him. “Yn, what happened? Are you okay? Let me see your arm.” He lets go of your face and gently grabs your arm. He looks at it and notices Ari’s finger’s imprinted onto your skin. You’ve never seen Yeonjun mad before, but now seeing it for the first time, you would hate to be the person on the other end.

“Ari, you better explain why Y/n’s arm is all red and has imprints of fingers and nail marks,” Yeonjun stood in front of you, shielding you away from his anger and Ari.

Ari looked shocked and angry that he was protecting you and not her. “Yeonjun, sweety, what are you talking about? She attacked me, all I did was defend myself.”

“Oh really? Where? Where did she hit you?” Yeonjun was not going to take this absurd bullshit from Ari.

Yeonjun’s accusing questions caused Ari to forget that she was playing as the victim and let a flash of anger show on her face. “Does it matter if I don’t have proof? I’m your promised one, you should believe everything over that average one. Well more like below.” Ari giggles a little at that last part as if it was the funniest thing she’s said all year.

Yeonjun on the other hand was baffled. He couldn’t believe what Ari had just said. “Does it matter? You seriously didn’t just say that. Of course, it matters. I don’t care if I’m your promised one or not because at this point I don’t think I want to even be your promised one. You can’t spout bullshit lies like that and get away with it. This evening I’ll be talking to both your father and mine and cancel this whole promised crap. I would rather be stuck with a rock for the rest of my life than someone like you. Y/n, come on. I’ll bring you to the school’s hospital.”

You were at loss for words. Yeonjun stuck up for you again. Why? Why was he doing this? He could get in serious trouble. You could get in some serious trouble. But you didn’t say anything, you just let Yeonjun drag you along.

"Ah, right. I got these for you," Yeonjun hands you a bouquet of your favourite flowers.

"Flowers for me," you take the flowers in the hand that wasn't holding his. "Thank you."

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[amedetoiles]

A meta rant about Yunmeng bros and reconciliation that nobody asked for: I was yelling about this yesterday in the replies with @goblinish but I’m still mad about it lol

I don’t understand the rhetoric that Wei Wuxian reconciling with Jiang Cheng and returning to Lotus Pier is them going back to the way things were and/or Wei Wuxian sacrificing again for Jiang Cheng’s sake or vice versa. That their relationship was toxic and should be left in the past. I’m sorry, but why?

There is a difference between having unhealthy trauma-induced coping mechanisms with internalized insecurities due to truly awful circumstances and genuinely wanting to hurt and treat each other like shit. There is a difference between letting go of toxic and purposefully manipulative relationships (i.e XY and XXC), and both of them choosing and wanting to be brothers again outside of the clusterfuck that is abusive parents, war, genocide, politics, and oh, death. Neither of them asked the other to sacrifice for them. Neither of them wanted that!

The problem was never about not having genuine love and deep loyalty to each other. They loved each other so much! That love is what drove each of them into making the ultimate sacrifices that they made. While their inability to communicate and express that love was certainly harmful, it doesn’t mean the emotion and relationship itself was unhealthy. That was never the problem.

I get that at the end of the novel Wei Wuxian frolics off into the sunset with his beloved, and they travel the world together chasing chaos and helping the poor, raising their son and their collection of adopted juniors. That’s beautiful! It’s romantic! They both absolutely deserve it! But Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji individually are much more than their love story. They have homes. They have families. People and traditions and worlds which have shaped who they are and who they came to be.

Wei Wuxian grew up in Lotus Pier. It built him. His sister and his brother were the first places where he learned the warmth of family, of love, of safety, of support. In perhaps one of his most heartbreaking admissions, he mutters under his breath and says he wants to go back to Lotus Pier even in his dreams. He is so terribly overjoyed when Jiang Cheng invites him into the throne room. To say that Wei Wuxian never felt like he belonged in Yunmeng Jiang or that he doesn’t want to come back is, in my opinion, an incorrect interpretation. When we have so many examples of all the ways in which he loved his family and his sect, and yes, the heartbreaking lengths which he was willing to go to in order to protect them. Sure, a lot of that was intermixed with unhealthy notions of duty and obligation, but it doesn’t erase the love. It doesn’t make it less real or less important to him and who he is.

I am not saying they don’t need time apart. They absolutely do. Wei Wuxian has a hell of a lot he needs to process, and I, for one, am immeasurably glad to see him wander off on his own at the drama’s ending. For the first time since he was fifteen-years-old, Wei Wuxian has a chance to breathe – to decide who he wants to be and what he wants this life, this second chance, to be. Jiang Cheng, too, needs to come to grips with everything that he has learned. He’s finally gotten the answer he has wanted for over two decades. It doesn’t fix everything, and there’s a whole new set of regrets now that he has to work through, but he can finally stop hating himself for trusting and loving his brother. He has lived like an open wound for 13/16 years, and he deserves a fucking nap, ok.

But why, why, should they not get to have each other back? Why should they continue on this stupid farce that they don’t miss each other instead of growing some goddamn balls and talking to each other? Why is the automatic happy ending Wei Wuxian marrying into Gusu Lan Sect and living for the rest of forever in Gusu as his home? He can have multiple homes! It’s a magical world where they have flying swords! They can fucking commute!

There’s no reason why these two shouldn’t get to have each other again. They deserve to learn, to grow, to heal and rebuild to something new, something better than what they had. It won’t be easy, but they should get to try! They should get to have it! They fucking deserve to have it! They want it even if they’re being stubborn Twin Idiots. (Plus, I think you are all underestimating the sheer power of our trouble magnet Jin Ling, courtesy name Jin Rulan, and the various ways in which he constantly throws himself into danger.) Jiang Yanli taught her two little brothers the meaning of love, of forgiveness, of compassion and of understanding. With everything that she imbued into them, how can these two not find their way back to each other?

A man can have his soulmate, his adopted son, his emotional support zombie, his nephew, his duckling juniors, and his little brother. A grape can have his sect, his chaotic disciples, his nephew, his nephew’s annoying friends, his adopted nephew, and his older brother. (This isn’t that post, but a chaotic gremlin, an angry grape, and a mastermind thespian can also rebuild their childhood friendship, just saying.) Happiness isn’t in a single direction.

tl;dr Wei Wuxian’s and Jiang Cheng’s happy endings include each other. Fight me.

[m4gp13]

For those of you who made it through my laughably incoherent ethabaster think piece, here’s some hc’s, you’ve earned them:

- Ethan has sole possession of their one shared brain cell. Alabaster is not allowed to even look at it. This is because they used to have two but Al broke the good one trying to blow up something (probably Percy).

- If Al finds out Ethan left without some form of magical protection i.e. a sigil, a crystal, ground eggshells, he will be pretty much vibrating with nerves until Ethan gets back so he can give him a once-over.

- Alabaster’s from a very witchy family who all worship Hecate for many reasons that differ depending on which estranged relative you ask and they all kinda saw Al as the first coming of witch Christ so he had a lot of expectations at a very young age.

- Ethan knows this and tries to lift as much Titan army business off his shoulders as possible.

- He accidentally lifts too much off to the point where he is drowning in work and is now the one in need of saving. But does he tell anyone that if he looks at one more stack of demands from his mile long list of bosses he’s going to cry for five hours? Of course not don’t be ridiculous.

- Alabaster immediately hated Percy as soon as he heard the guys name but due to the arena stuff and telling Thalia not to k*ll him Ethan actually held a bit of respect for Percy which annoyed Al to no end.

-This was until the not-so-peaceful peace talk in tlo when Percy starts shit talking Nemesis and Ethan just internally goes “actually the witch bitch was right this guy sucks ass”

-However, under no circumstances will Ethan ever tell this to Alabaster; not because he values his pride (he has none) but because he knows the life of a demigod is short and he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his very short one hearing Al rub that one thing in his face for every single second of it.

- And I mean Every. Single. Second.

- So yeah he takes that to the grave and doesn’t even tell anyone in the underworld in case they tell Al when he dies and he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his afterlife with Al being a dumbass. (also yes Ethan got into Elysium, fuck you)

- (Actually I have another idea about where Ethan went post-life but that’s so far from canon it’s more of an AU than a headcanon so we’re gonna leave that out for now)

- Al thought he was the one in charge of the Hecate kids because he was the most powerful and the highest ranking in the army but he was Not. That was Ethan. The Hecate kids thought Ethan was their unofficial adopted baby brother but little did they know he was the mum the whole time.

- Ethan is the only thing standing between them and starving to death. He also does the younger kids hair and gives everyone with long hair super intricate braids that stay out of their faces during “field work”. Al thinks this is more of him trying to take the weight off his shoulders but Ethan knows that if he doesn’t do this shit no one will so he kinda has to. Not that he doesn’t like doing it. being helpful is his love language.

 - Because of their powers over the mist the Hecate kids of the army were notorious pranksters who were usually at war with the Hermes kids (wars usually declared by Al because he rolled a zero on self restraint) but none of them prank Ethan because “nooooo you can’t do him he babey 🥺”

- Ethan has simply decided that what the magic prank wizards don’t know can’t hurt them and just turns to his blind side whenever he sees them sneaking off the ship to get Micky D’s in the middle of the night to stay on their good sides.

- Speaking of the ship, Ethan thinks it’s the dumbest thing in the world that one of their most powerful demigod enemies is the son of a sea god and he actually has a pretty decent relationship with said sea god and their main base of operations aside from mt Othrys is a fucking BOAT. He tells Al all about his worries for the ship and while Al assures him that nothing that bad could happen he always makes sure that the ship always has the least amount of demigods on board at all times just in case.

- It takes all the strength Ethan has not to yell “TOLD YOU SO” at him when the ship blows up.

- Al probably either wears basic white boy clothes or typical witchy stuff (like moons and shit) depending his mood meanwhile Ethan found out about leather and just goes for it.  

- Every grunge/punk/emo/eboy/teachwear bitch aspires to be him and because he aint about all that “gender roles” bs he definitely goes about wearing cool egirl stuff too. Not just slightly feminine shaped jumpers but all the plaid skirts, fishnets and lace trimmed dresses he can steal afford and Al, despite his more basic fashion taste is here for it. You’ve never seen someone more supportive of their pals fits, get you a hypeman like Al. You deserve it. (Ethan is also not afraid to walk around in a full pastel gamer girl fit)

- (Also Al hyping up one Ethans fits in front of a Titan is the reason they were allowed to start wearing army fatigues instead of the whole ancient Greek armour on occasion)

- Ethan appreciates Al’s enthusiasm but he also kinda doesn’t get it. And he definitely doesn't do that “yeah you’re right I DO look good” thing because he just doesn’t know how. He’d always been a little self-conscious about getting a big head but then he found out about Nemesis and hubris and all that fun stuff, looked at his meager pile of self worth and said “ yep, this has to go”

- Al almost starts crying when he finds out and pretty much makes it mission to be such a good hype man that Ethan has no choice but to think of himself as a Pretty Cool Dude via absorbing the hype through diffusion. It kinda starts working but then Ethan [REDACTED] in tlo so we’ll never know what could’ve been.

- To nick a hc from someone ( hi @chromarozee-spam) contrary to his taste in clothes Ethan does ballet (he was a punk AND did ballet, what more can I say?) and while Al tries to support his hobbies he is genuinely afraid both for and of him. “For” because “holy fuck that looks painful are you okay?”. And “of” because “are you sure those are bones inside you because I don’t think bones are supposed do that?!”.

- Ethan tries to assure him that no his spine is not made of rubber, broken bones or otherworldly materials so can he stop bothering him during practice please?

- This does not stop Al from making a million protection wards and constantly asking his deck if Ethan is indeed a Being of this Good Green Earth.

- Eventually his cards pretty much just tell him that he is friends with one bendy heck of a boi and he needs to fucking get over it so he kinda just,, ,,,,, , does.

- Again with the hc thieving (this time from @altorringtons) Al learning to use a two-handed broadsword so he can guard Ethan’s blind side and back in a fight *soft noises* just them trying so hard to keep each other alive because they love each other and they care about each other!

- They also sleep in the same bed whenever they get the chance (fully clothed ya nasties, they’re kids) and they just hug each other soooo tight because they just need to know they’re alright cos they always get pretty banged up in fights against campers or just monsters that are too much like wild animals to recruit. (What? Me? Projecting my desire to be intimately held by the closest person I have to family with their arms wrapped not tight enough to make me uncomfortable but tight enough to make me feel loved? Never! What on earth are you talking about?)

- Because Al is super stubborn and prideful whenever they have an argument Al can’t really bring himself to say he’s sorry so when he’s ready to apologise he just climbs into bed on Ethan’s blind side and cuddles him because he knows Ethan is super worried about getting attacked on his blind side so it’s like he has a guard or a shield.

- Ethan on the other hand just calls him a Rock Boy in a derogatory way until he gets over himself and apologizes but he really does love the fact that Al knows that about him and accommodates that.

- The thing they fight about most is how “heroic” the titan army is. Kronos’ brainwashing worked on Al like a charm and he fully believes that they are the rebellion and camp is the empire. Ethan on the other hand wasn’t at camp long enough for Kronos or Luke to really do anything but it doesn’t matter because Ethan really doesn’t give a shit if he’s on the “evil side” cos he just wants respect and he’s willing to do what it takes without a second thought of how people see him. If he thinks he’s doing the right thing but on the wrong side he can live with that but Al needs to feel like all of his side is on the moral high ground because that’s what Kronos drilled into his brain.

- Ethan knows that Al delusional when it comes to the non-existent heroics of the army but eventually he just decides to let Al believe the titans lies because that’s easier for him even if it hurts Ethan to see him being manipulated like that.

- Due to Ethan not giving a shit on the humanity of his bosses he gets punished a lot more often and a lot more violently than Al because they know that Ethan already knows they don’t care about him so they don’t have to sugar coat him but Al still believes that they’re heroes and his mindset needs to stay like that to keep him obedient.

- Also because I am  a Cruel Person By Nature I hc Ethan’s mortal family (which usually just consists of his dad) as meeting a not very pg13 end at the hands of a monster who wanted to nible on Ethan a tad which pretty much scarred him for life.

- SO, at the end of the battle of Man Hats Are In when Al looks around and sees that his whole family (that joined the titans) are dead! oh no! How sad! At least he knows someone whose been through the same thing so they understand each other and can help each other through this tough time together right? SIKE!

- so yeah Al learns Ethan d-worded in the worst possible way at the worst possible time and just looses it from grief. Loosing his family was bad enough but finding out he lost the one person he thought he would be able to confide in and heal with immediately after just really rubs salt in the wound.

- When the survivors start re-grouping to find someplace to hide until the gods forget about them Al just wanders off because it’s all he can do to not break down on the spot.

- He’s just wandering in a daze for a while and most people just assume he’s high but he snaps out of it and gets into anger mode when Lamia starts attacking him because he finally has something to do and occupy himself with even though it’s hard not to think about his sibling especially when Lamia keeps talking like they never would have died if she’d been in charge which is why she should totally just kill him and lead their siblings instead.

- His desire to have something to keep his mind off his family and Ethan is the first thing he thinks about when Claymore re-alives and immediately starts talking about doing research (yeah because that’s what you need after a long stressful day of fighting monsters and literally dying).

- Ethan keeps trying to cross the veil and help, even if he just sends Al a pleasant dream to help him sleep but contrary to what you might think from the name, the veil is really hard to cross so Ethan just has to bite his nails and watch his friend suffer.

- It gets easier to watch after Al and Claymore pretty much adopt each other because at least he has someone but they do still get into pretty scary situations.

- When they were both premortem they got paired up for a lot of missions for the titan army and they usually just tried to pretend they were on a fun road trip around America when they could and make fun of mortal shit together.

- At one point they were in a motel and the last people accidentally left behind one of Claymore’s books about death and they found it the funniest thing ever. Between a pair of in which one of their mum’s regularly goes to the underworld and one has been there himself they find mortal ideas of the afterlife to be very amusing.

- Alabaster has decided he would not like to share this with the class (Claymore) thank you very much.

- Also when they’re doing their road tripping Ethan knows all the best places to crash, the cheapest food places and the local gangs don’t bother them because between running away from camp and joining the army he just wandered around a lot.

- Like he’d just hop on a random train, take a nap and figure it out when he wakes up; he made a lot of friends this way too as well as his taste in clothes cos he didn’t have a lot of money so he’d just DIY some second hand punk shit. Al thinks he’s the Gandalf of the demigod world because he just knows everyone who might help them and everywhere they could spend the night. He definitely tells his siblings about Ethan being the closest thing they have to a wandering wizard and they fucking love it.

- Also because Nemesis tends to not have a lot of kids Ethan was the only one of hers in the army and Al felt really bad for him because his sibling were his favourite part about the army so he tried to include Ethan in as much as possible with his siblings.

- As an unexpected result Ethan ended up with a small army of super powered children to sick on the people who keep making jabs about him loosing in the arena battle.

- Al sometimes thinks he’s given him too much power but also he will fuck a bitch up if they make fun of his pals so he sees where his siblings are coming from and yeah those bitches had it coming. He also has a copy of bitchcraft.

- Ethan’s dad was the type to play “Stay With Me” by Miki Matsubara on repeat for hours and Ethan would probably enjoy the song but he’s heard it so often that now it makes his ears bleed and Al sometimes tortures him with for fun until Ethan starts throwing shit.

- To steal another hc from @chromarozee-spam Ethan has a thing for cats and one time Al accidentally gave himself mistform cat-ears and Ethan could not stop touching them. Ethan was just craning his head back uncontrollably grinning so much his face hurt. Al can’t bring himself to be upset because Ethan rarely ever smiles since he joined the army.

- Al saw Ethan crying over one of those video’s where people put their hoodies on backwards and put their cat in the hood so he made a mist cat and bought him a hoodie. Ethan of course started crying again but it was happy tears instead.

- Ethan is fucking tiny while Al is almost a foot taller than him. He wouldn’t mind so much if Al didn’t exhaust every opportunity to rub it in his face so he just starts climbing all over shit (especially tall buildings) half to give Al heart attacks and half so he can be like “Sorry? What was that? I’m so high up I can’t hear you. Can you speak up a little? Maybe get a ladder? Or taller?”

- Also I don’t know why but I hc Al as Texan. Ethan gets told about this “Alabaster C. Torrington” guy who knows latin, incantations and other magical knowledge and expects some fancy British guy so when they meet and Al speaks Ethan gets whiplash so hard he fuckin chokes.

- Al is also very casual and Ethan is pretty professional so when he meets this magic general with a straight back and the first thing that comes out of this assholes mouth is some “Howdy y’all!!” bullshit he just dies on the spot.

- Also because Al is texan he is very sensitive to the cold (I’m about 80% sure that Texas is one of the Warm states) so when he has to do stuff in cold places like the labyrinth or new york (idk about that one to but in every film I’ve seen that’s set in NY it’s raining for about 90% of the time) he complains about being freezing all the time until Ethan helpfully reminds him that he can literally make fire out of nothing, surely he can find a way to warm himself up.

- Ethan is also sensitive to the cold because he’s basically malnourished but he’s been like that for a while and thinks it’s normal so he sucks it up until Al notices he’s always cold. Ethan tells him it’s fine but Al is basically a walking electric blanket so whenever Al cuddles him to keep him warm Ethan can’t help but melt because he’s so fucking warm and soft and have you noticed I crave intimacy?

- Ethan started studying Greek myths vigorously since he found out he was a demigod and when he died he kept an eye and an ear out for Al because even though he wouldn’t be able to do anything it still reassures him to know what’s going on, HOWEVER, he was almost filled with enough malice to rip through the barrier between the living and the dead purely to beat an ass when he hears Al’s little “I don’t bother reading about worthless monsters like you!” jab.

- Ethan is very jumpy and fidgety to the point where Al is genuinely concerned and while Ethan assures Al that nothing’s wrong Al is still suspicious. Ethan probably would have told Al about it if it was because of anything but Kronos but seeing that it mostly is, he doesn’t because Ethan feels like Al will just take Kronos’ word over his and he’ll loose the only person he trusts in the army.

- Al doesn’t find out about it until way after the war when Kronos’ brainwashing starts to come undone because by then his mindset is a lot less biased in the titans favour so he can see things that he just unconsciously ignored before and is able to put two and two together. When he does boy is it a trip.

- Ethan is really bad at talking about feelings and stuff so whenever Al gets upset over something and Ethan has no idea how to talk to him he’ll just get him some rocks. One time Ethan found out about those heart shaped valentine boxes that are normally filled with chocolates but people put crystals in them and that just became his go-to for when Al was especially upset. 

- Al is only slightly better at talking about stuff but he can still get Ethan to open up to him which is good because Ethan isn’t very materialistic so it’s hard to make him feel better by buying him things and because someone needs to get Ethan to express himself in an emotionally healthy way.

- Also because of this they just can’t tell each other they love each other. Like they’ll barely whisper it when the other is asleep because they’re just so bad at talking about feelings. It wasn’t that much of an issue until after the war and Ethan gets k-worded and Al is left alone and sobbing over all the times he never told his loved ones how much they meant to him.

- But because this is a headcanon list; fuck that, Al saved Ethan with some sort of magic bullshit and they talk about how much they love each other all the time now because they can’t stand the thought of one of them dying having never been told how much they are loved.

[sab-teraa]

Rate AMI ep 13 😐😂

Hi hi. This is super long, I apologize!

On the surface, since we have to start with the good:

1111/10 for Ozan’s outfits + hair.

11/10 for that 40 seconds where Ozan finally communicated how he felt after Esra left.

11/10 for Ilhan and Burcus acting + chemistry! They killed it as always.

11/10 for Esra’s pink suit.

11/10 for how well Esra carried herself + that 2 seconds of intikam (revenge) Esra got over Ozan.

9/10 for Ozan doing something kinda funny.

As an episode:

My rating for the episode is a 4/10. In my opinion, this episode was just as bad, if not worse than episode 12 (with regards to editing). It was absolutely inconsistent. Like episode 12, we literally jump scenes, and no one knows how we got to this specific point? Or what drove the character down this path?

There was very little EsZan content, which is expected given the trajectory, but there were also very few Ozan or Esra scenes as a whole. At no point in this episode did we get a clear focus or understanding of Ozan or Esra's pov (okay we got like 2 seconds of Esra's pov). This was reflected not only in the minimal dialogue (which gave Esra + Ozan max 30 seconds to communicate their feelings) .... but also in the camera angles - the camera's focused very little on their faces, emotions, reactions, and body language. Despite not having Ozans pov previously, we could still understand his emotions from his body language … but now we have nothing. Plus, imo, the music which usually adds charm and emotion to a scene is missing! Even the scenes in the neighbourhood were just so flat? Menekshe + Zumrut were written so bleh?? Nor did we get to see any family bonding or a proper Zeyno-Esra scene. Plus, the little scenes Ozan had with Musa were so short. It was uncomfortable to watch!

I'm extra annoyed because they took a well-articulated and intelligent man like Ozan and turned him into a naive idiot. An idiot that is unable to even articulate his business proposals in a proper manner! A company he knows like the back of his hand. Also, this really upset me because we know this company is a symbol of Esra, she is his biggest motivator for this proposal and yet he failed/failed to see that he was sabotaged?? Maybe it's meant to be symbolic/foreshadowing … but at this point, I’m over it. Plus, the reasoning for him going down this wedding path + what he is currently doing to Esra is absolutely dumb. I've seen better fan theories.

ALSO, they have turned Ozan into a man that is unaware of peoples true attentions! This man used to read people (other than Esra in the early episodes + end of their marriage) like a book ... and yet he is now unable to see people manipulating/using and betraying him?? As I've said, maybe it's symbolic/foreshadowing, but I am over it.

Like the previous episode, we have a ton of breakdowns from the twins + their family. Yet, they have purposefully left out Ozan’s reaction to the secret + how he felt after Esra told him everything at the shore. Nor did we get to see Esra reaction after finding out Ozan's answer or why Ozan decides to still pursue Esra despite everything she said to him at the shore … yes he loves her …. but why is he still adamant… even he knows love is not enough given what he has done!?? Is it love or guilt like esra says??? I JUST WANT A REFLECTION OF THEIR THOUGHTS! At this point, we don’t even have the content to judge/critic/defend Ozan for his behaviour. As @batterydeaddotdot mentions “ its like Ozan is being written our of relevance, and if you didnt watch the early episodes you wouldnt know he was the lead” and at some point I feel like they are going to do the same to Esra. I mean, like Ozan, the narrative has also been unfair to Esra! We don’t see her come to terms with being in love with Ozan, express her love properly to Ozan or deal with her insecurities.

I feel a major disconnect from the characters, to the point that I don’t properly sympathize or celebrate with either of them anymore. For example, I felt like we missed a major chunk of Esra’s career journey?... so I wasn’t as invested in her career (i.e. move to Antalya/proud of her promotion) ...  like I was when I watched episode 3, 4, 5, and 9. Nor did I feel my usual despair/sadness for Ozan when he expressed his vulnerabilities in those 30 seconds. 

In the earlier episodes I could see myself in both Esra and Ozan. They were realistic, they were flawed, they were individuals with complex emotions + insecurities and a heavy past + are shaped by their family problems/parents marriage. Now I don’t even recognize them, and sadly it’s not because they’ve grown/changed. Maybe I’m being dramatic ... ik they are the protagonists.. but it’s upsetting that the mains are being turned into a plot device.  

Is2g if you want the gist of the episode, just watch the two trailers. That's the most EsZan or Ozan/Esra scenes + storyline you’re gonna get. Other than that, be prepared for Keeping up with the Yilmaz.

Anyway, call me a clown but I am hopeful for the next episode. This is based of the fact that we didn't get a trailer today. I feel like whenever we got a trailer straight after the episode it was to appease the audience + calm us down. But now that we are getting a trailer on Sunday (i think), I'm more hopeful that it's gonna have some of the earlier charm?plus the episode ended with the title song, super similar to the earlier eps 🥺I don't know anymore… but I’m hopeful

[flying-elliska]

thank you @sinterblackwell for tagging me in this bookish ask game! these questions were really interesting !

how many books are too many books in a series ? i'm honestly pretty tolerant for long book series, i love seeing a world develop over lots of books - started the bone season series recently which has 4 books so far and is slated to have seven, it's going to be a bitch waiting but at the same time there is something so thrilling about having this sort of returning event year after year (i grew up with the HP books so that really marked me i guess). that said i think that only really works when the authors have solid plans because when an author gets stuck and you have to wait ten years for the next one that really sucks (lol GoT). and i think beyond 7-8 it's definitely getting excessive.

how do you feel about cliffhangers ? hmmm...depends if they're well done or if they feel like shock value. i think every book needs to feel like a cohesive unit and some cliffhangers happen too soon, without enough resolution - that said, i love it when books open up a new (but related) mystery in the last few lines

hardback or paperback ? i used to buy paperbacks only but over time those really get damaged super easily (i've moved a lot) and it feels like a waste of space and paper. so now i'm doing this thing where i mostly buy ebooks and whenever i really like a book and want it in my permanent library - or when a new book is coming out that i know i am going to love - i buy hardbacks ; at least when the covers are aesthetically satisfying. i just really love the idea of starting to build my 'forever library'

least favorite book ? it's tied between Manon Lescaut, which i was forced to read in high school and is the most irritating story ever about an old timey dude falling in 'love' with a prostitute and blaming her for it and everything else that goes wrong in his life until she dies and he can 'be free' ; and The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi which made me so uncomfortable i had to stop like one third of the way in and is a torture p*rn, fetishistic, racist mess about a Japanese cyborg girl who gets exploited and abused by everyone she meets. It's possible that these two books were trying to make a point about how the things they're depicting were bad, but there is a level of misogyny and violence that feels too illustrative, exploitative and graphic to ever serve that purpose properly in my mind.

love triangles, yes or no ? i'm not against a love triangle when it's well done, i.e it has a real impact on the plot and is tied into the themes of the story. For example, I think the triangle in the Hunger Games is a good one, because Peeta represents (to simplify it massively) peace whereas Gale represents violence, the escalation of war and never ending conflict, so Katniss choosing between them is not just about moody teenager feelings. That said, the trope has definitely been overused in YA ; I really hate love triangles when it's just an excuse to stall the plot and throw in artificial delays because the characters are being wishy-washy and indecisive and non-communicative assholes. also i wish more of them got solved by polyamory or something.

the most recent book you just couldn't finish ? last year, If I loved you less by Tamsen Parker, a modern wlw retelling of Emma which I expected to love but the overly casual-quirky writing and the excessively immature MC just irritated the hell out of me

a book you're currently reading ? rereading The Raven Cycle right now, I'm on the Raven King and I'll reread Call Down the Hawk after, I want to get to Mister Impossible

last book you recommended to someone ? Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed

oldest book you've read ? hmmmmmm not sure but the thing that comes to mind rn is the Tao Te Ching by Laozi, 6th century BC

newest book you've read ? ehhh probably Any Way the Wind Blows by Rainbow Rowell

favorite author ? lol i absolutely cannot answer that question no matter what i say it feels like a betrayal

buying books or borrowing books ? buying, i'm a shitty borrower tbh because i like having books sit in my TBR pile and just randomly decide to read them out of the blue

a book you dislike that everyone else seems to love ? the night circus by erin morgenstern - it's so popular everywhere and I wasn't even able to finish it ; it's the epitome of style over substance for me ; sure the descriptions are beautiful but they feel so empty and void of any meaning or character development ; it drags for chapters and chapters and then boom ! instalove, which is when i dropped it because that's one of the things i hate the most. i checked the rest of the plot on wikipedia to be sure and yeah it annoyed me too so.

bookmarks or dog ears ? bookmarks. i only ever dog ear my study books

a book you can always reread ? letters to a young poet by rainer maria rilke

can you read while listening to music ? nooo it's way too much input when i get into a book it's Intense i can't deal with anything else

one pov or multiple povs ? i absolutely love a well done multiple POVs when the switching allows you to compare the perspective of different characters and how it shapes the narrative and how they think of each other and how it slowly all merges together ! Especially when it's dumbasses in love pining over each other !!! chef's kiss !!!

do you read a book in one sitting or over multiple days ? depends, i binge when i have the time and it's gripping but not always and that's fine

who do you tag ? @beeexx @all-the-wr0ng-places @smblmn @peoniesandsmiles @bremmommye @dorkdumplings @petitspaceling @hellswolfie @iamshannonmcfarland if you want to no pressure !!!

[themadauthorshatter]

If you're up to date with my posts, then you know what's about to happen.

I've read the books, WE'VE ALL READ THE BOOKS, but this is a somewhat fun switch-a-roo.

Expect a BUNCH of changes that I'll try justifying, especially painful ones, so bear with me🙏

OTP SWAP PART 1: THE CRUEL PRINCE!!!!

I'm starting with the first book for obvious reasons

Like before, we start in the mortal world with Ashley Duarte(yes, human!Cardan's last name is Duarte, but like I said, bear with me) making tacos in the kitchen while one of the MANY dogs and other animals wait for her to drop some food. Baby boy Cardan and his older half-sister Rhyia are watching some human stuff, maybe Looney Tunes or old Mickey Mouse cartoons, when the door is knocked on, which alerts the animals and wakes a half asleep Cardan; Rhyia does not wake up.

Cardan answers it and finds a cloaked Madoc at the door. Rather than ask who he is or call for his mother, he stares at this man, who kneels and asks as evenly as possible if his mother is home.

Cardan slams the door in his face, which prompts Ashley to ask why he did so.

Madoc BANGS on the door and shouts, "Asha!" and Ashley pales as she realizes who is at the door.

She demands Cardan to go upstairs as Madoc kicks the door open and walks inside, giving the same speech as the original, that Balekin told him she'd ran away with his daughter, that she killed a woman who was just as pregnant as her, that she ran away and married some lowly farm hand and blacksmith. He thought it was a lie, but nope. Here she stands.

Asha(which is her real name) is deeply ashamed at his words, and tries to pull Cardan away; an angry Madoc is an unstable Madoc.

Like before, Justin rushes in to save his family, but ends up getting kebabbed with his wife.

Rhyia does wake up to see both and Madoc spills the tea that she's his and needs to pack her bags because they're leaving, and Cardan's coming with.

Cardan, despite being seven, is outraged and tries to kick Madoc into oblivion with no avail. Rhyia, however, swears that she'll never love a monster like Madoc, who simply scoffs and tells her to wrangle the human and gather her things in half an hour, because they're leaving for Faerie.

Reluctantly, they do and they never see the mortal world again for a very long time.

Jump to the present day as Cardan, a now seventeen year old human heart throb, is getting prim and proper for a revel. His hair is getting styled nice, he's in a nice suit, he's wearing a cool belt that makes him look like he has a tail, and has ear cuffs that make his ears look pointed like a faerie.

He also has rowan berries on his wrist, because he doesn't want the necklace to be easy to see as a lot of his shirts show his chest.

He's dolled up and meets Locke, his brother that came around when Madoc married Oriana and had Oak. The two did not get along, at first, but they began to tolerate each ither as they realized they were the only humans in Faerie that were gentry kids.

Locke is more of a bard or a poet, always seen with a little book, and doesn't wear the same stuff Cardan does, so no pointed ear cuffs for him. He's also more accustomed to Faerie, being good with half truths and minor deception. He's on good terms with both Madoc and Oriana.

Cardan, however, is not on good terms with either of them, as he has tried multiple times to leave Faerie, with and without Rhyia with him, and every time ended with Madoc outside scowling at him and leading him back to his room. Still has that 'no kill' rule, but he's better with sneaking and a sword, having been able to lighten his steps so he could sneak past Madoc and his guards whenever he tried to leave. He's not bad with a sword, but he still has a lot to learn, being 17 and all. When he doesn't have a sword in his hands, he has an animal in them, i.e. a foal, a dog, or, at one point, a skunk that was calm enough to not spray him. Yeah, animal lover that can hold his own.

The two exchange banter and Locke shows show rare excitement for this revel, saying the two will have the time of their lives. Locke, who isn't as close with her, wonders where Rhyia is, but Cardan reveals she's not attending, instead going to visit some friends in the mortal world.

Her funeral as the boys saddle up with Oriana amd Madic and go to the revel.

Similar events occur, like Oriana telling the boys to be careful, Madoc talking to Dain and Balekin, and Locke leading Cardan through the revel so they can have a good time.

IT GOES DOWNHILL WHEN THE GREENBRIAR TWINS AND THEIR FRIENDS ARRIVE. Jude, her older sister Taryn, and their friends, Edir, a bard that can sing and play anyone under the table, Valerian, who's a sadist, and Nicasia, the princess of the Undersea.

Jude and Taryn may have the same face and body, but don't be fooled, Jude has horns, always wears a sword, and will slap you in a dress and then set it on fire without a second’s hesitation. Taryn, however, always has a bunch of flowers in her hair, always wears a dress, and uses words as her weapon. Did you know that she broke on of the most boisterous men in Faerie qith nothing but her words? True story. Edir is the guy that keeps them both in check, an order of Balekin's, which we'll learn later. He is also more of Jude's friend and Taryn's bed buddy, in SFW terms. Nicasia is Jude's friend, like FRIEND, and Valerian is the same, really, just more of an ass now that he has more even targets.

Everyone bows to these guys, even Cardan and a smirking Locke. That smirk vanishes when Taryn winks at Cardan, who Jude GLARES AT.

Locke feels the same way, cinfused and angry, but no time to think in it because Valerian storms toward a confused Cardan and grabs him by the collar, snarling that he can play dress up and make believe all he wants because it won't hide his plain hair or round ears or barn dog smell, so he shouldn't even bother.

Valerian throws him back and Locke rounds on Cardan, asking him what the hell that was between him and Taryn. Cardan brushes him off, as it was just a wink, not a lap dance. Before they can REALLY go at it, crying draws their attention and see that Jude just pincushioned someone who didn't bow, said someone nkw having a hole in their stomach and a slash across their torso. Taryn is annoyed, Nicasia and Valerian are trying not to laugh, and Edir, who's embarassed, is scolding Jude for losing it at a revel.

Jump to after the revel and the day of school. The boys do indeed get dirt kicked on their food, but instead of 'make me,' Cardan snaps, 'TRY me,' because Nicasia asks if he's as filthy as other human boys. Locke talks him down, but Valerian, kicking more dirt and even throwing some IN Cardan's face, asks if the two qould like them for friends.

Locke apologizes for Cardan, but Jude commands he prove it by dropping out of the tournament, it'll be less embarrassing than getting his ass beaten in front of everyone.

Nicasia spots one of the ear cuffs and pulls it off, asking if he stole it. Big mistake because the cuff burns her hand, as it is iron and iron hurts Faeries.

Cardan smirks and the group leaves, Locke scolding him for being stupid.

Later, at dinnner, after talk of Dain's coronation, Cardan, despite some minor objection from Rhyia, asks Madoc a question: May he please have a green sash for the tournament? Why? He would like to be a knight, please and thank you. Madoc chikes on his wine, Locke coughs to hide a laugh, Rhyia winces, and Oriana os shicked into silence.

Madoc gives it to him straight: he's not bad with a sword, he's good on his feet,and he's the best damned rider that anyone's ever seen, but no. He cannot compete for knighthood, on the count of being the furthest thing from a killer imaginable and just being in over his head.

Cardan protests that he can do just fine, but Madoc warns him to stop before he gets himself thrown in a dungeon instead if his room until the coronation of prince Dain.

Cardan relinquishes and we get the salt prank like before, except Locke is pissed beyond all reason at his foster brother. Cardan doesn't mind until he's grabbed by Edir and Valerian, Locke being pulled by the hair by Jude and both are thrown in the river, which has Nixies in it.

Thier supplies get yeeted, Locke gets pulled out by Valerian and is made to kiss Jude on the lips and both her horns, but, when asked, Cardan does not give up, vowing that he will never give up, which makes Jude laugh and the group leave.

Locke and Cardan walk home, get some baths, and go to bed, except they go to the mortal world with Rhyia and meet her friends Vivienne and Heather at the mall. Vivienne apologizes for Jude's behavior, and we learn that Rhyia is planning to leave Faerie, and is probably going alone.

The boys return and endure a lesson, but Jude pushes Locke's buttons, so Cardan pushes her into a tree. Challenge accepted.

TOURNAMENT TIME!! Cardan fairs wellin that Valerian is lazy, Edir is out of shape, and Jude got cocky, so he wins.

Jude fumes at him, later grabbing him by the tail on his belt amd demanding he beg for her forgiveness. He does... NOT! And spits in her face that she may push him down, but he'll pull her down with him, and it will hurt her like hell.

Taryn approaches him and expresses interest in him, saying that she once took both Edir and Nicasia from Jude because people just like a sensitive girl.

She leaves and the tournament eventually ends, which leads Cardan to return hime and meet Dain, who requested one of Madoc's people to tell Cardan one of Eldred's children had come for a visit.

Dain and Cardan get talking and Dain offers him something that isn't knighthood: spying. Plus one wish.

Cardan knows what he wants: to not be controled.

Granted, but Dain can still control him and the fruits of Faerie will still effect him.

Screwy, but deal, he's a spy now

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!!!!!

[maranello]

fio is op right about the whole 'ferrari aren't expected to be here thing'?? like I get we were bad last season but this surely isn't good enough? thank you

https://footyleclerc.tumblr.com/post/664677871518875648/listen-ik-were-annoyed-at-the-team-the-non

Ferrari itself has reportedly said that their fight is with the McLarens and that even with the new engine, the Mercedes and Red Bulls are still out of reach. So in that sense, OP is right about how it's not Ferrari's expectation to be in contention for the podium or more most of the time, nor do they want fans to be under the impression that that's where their benchmark is.

Sure, we do tend to believe they can do better and expect better, but on the whole, the car just is not good enough to be properly challenging the Mercedes and Red Bulls consistently. Because, you're right, we were bad last season, and this season, we're going in with limited improvements on last year's car. It's already tremendous what they were able to do to pull the car up to be fighting for P3 in the constructor's championship, despite the fact they couldn't do much about the power deficit the SF1000 had. Other teams have taken a lot longer to come back up when they've been hit hard like McLaren or Williams. So I think it's already great that the turnaround was so quick for Ferrari, and that's why people are saying Ferrari aren't expected to be up there.

At the moment, with the tools available to the team/drivers, we can't expect them to be challenging for the podium. But I think the more races we do with PU4, the more we will see from it, and I have a feeling we'll be soon in better shape to challenge for podiums more and more as we progress. (After all, we do want to make sure the PU lasts until the end!) Or at the very least, be consistently best of the rest, and when Mercedes or Red Bulls falter, capitalize on the opportunity to do more. I think for this race we did expect more because they showed such promising pace in practice, Lewis had a grid penalty, and Charles was starting P3. Unfortunately, this race just did not go at all the way we were expecting it to. (I.e. Charles' set up was optimized for a dry race. I genuinely think he would have had way more pace if we had a dry race, and it kills me that we were deprived of the chance to see that.)

But at the same time, you're right. It isn't good enough. Frankly speaking, anything less than winning isn't good enough. Ferrari wants to be at the front, and Charles is clearly motivated to win, even now. In the grand scheme of things, this year is a dead loss, so I don't feel too badly when I remember that. (I am mostly just frustrated for Charles being underappreciated for his performance this season for the lack of results that do him justice.) We can afford to make mistakes and learn from them this year. P3 in constructors' honestly doesn't even matter, it's just a good target for the team to work towards and stay motivated while the people at Maranello work on the 2022 car. Then, hopefully, it will be good enough :)

[oneweekoneband]

shouldn’t gay taylor swift fans be given access to the original homophobic version of "picture to burn”? and other post-evermore reflection questions.

Did yesterday last twice as long as a regular day? Does anyone else feel like pulled taffy today or is that the four red wine spritzers I made myself with Sutter Home mini bottles of cab and cherry flavored seltzer? How long has it been since Taylor Swift has been to an Olive Garden? Is the part in “willow” where she’s like “You know that my train could take you home / anywhere else is hollow” about pegging? Does Taylor Swift understand even a basic sketch of the events of The Great Gatsby, a novel commonly assigned in school to teenaged children? Is Taylor implying on “marjorie” that her grandmother is a ghost? Is it weird of me to think it is nice that Taylor believes her grandmother is a ghost? Do I believe my grandmother is a ghost? Is it weird of me to think it is nice to wonder if maybe she might be? Is “gold rush” obviously for the Kaylors, or am I just being prejudiced against men’s theoretical right to be good looking? Last night I peeled myself up from a circle at the foot of the bed and poured hot sauce into canned minestrone soup when I realized it was already hours past dark. After it warmed on the stove I ate on our cramped front porch at the little painted table that is dirty all the time from just the air, I guess, even if you wipe it down twice a day, so when I see it I think of my lungs covered in dust too. But last night it was cool outside and I wanted to get as much air inside of me as possible, dirty or not, before the time came to crack southward at the waist, fall hard, with all my weight, down to my knees, and supplicate myself most disgracefully at the feet of the Lord’s most terrible daughter. The new Taylor Swift album became available at nine pm pacific time. Will there ever be salvation?

Has Taylor Swift ever met up with high school friends in a bar over the holidays and wanted to cry a little the entire time, feeling a battle in her own body between the parts inclined to slide back into the shape of an old self to fit and the hardened parts that can’t? I don’t really think so! But with “’tis the season” she has written a song about fucking your ex while home for Christmas anyway, and it slaps. It is always a wonderful treat when this anthropomorphized Tiffany platinum tennis bracelet sits herself down and writes up a pretty little fiction about the small and ugly things that normal human people do. This is what makes “All Too Well”—a perfect piece of autofiction about her fake boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal—so good, though if you say that in certain company the reaction is like you’ve shot a dog. When Taylor spins me some shit like this, like about parking out by the Methodist to meet up in those strange, stretchy days at the very end of December for theoretically casual sex that you’ll think about sadly on the plane when you go, I accept it like a pomegranate seed plopped on my tongue by Hades himself and I thank her. If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would have asked you!!!!!!!!

Why doesn’t Taylor just call this a bunch of b sides that didn’t fit right on folklore? That’s what it is. And why deny that? They’re largely very good b sides. I love “dorothea”. Do you love “dorothea”?  Are you still the same soul I met under the bleachers???? If Taylor really is going to release a third part of this moody forest saga come March, will the government show some real leadership for once and declare a purge so that we the people might rise up and bring this despot to the justice she so richly deserves? Why is Taylor Swift the Patricia Clarkson in Sharp Objects to our sweating and shaking Amy Adams? Why do our mouths loll open helplessly to accept her poison spoon when proffered? Mama, please... Do you think, strictly within the cinematic universe of “no body, no crime (feat. Haim)”, wherein Olive Garden regular Taylor Swift avenges canonically murdered Haim sister Este by killing her husband and (my favorite bit) implicitly framing the mistress, that after all that is squared away she and alive Haim sister Danielle bang it out? Why did the lilting piano ballad, “champagne problems”, about refusing a marriage proposal from a college boyfriend make me cry this morning on my pathetic little walk around the neighborhood? Was I thinking of the night I was 22 when I said no and no and no then yes to a drunk boy asking me with flashlight eyes to give him a nonsense forever promise, which I did because I knew in the morning we’d have forgotten, or would pretend to? Is it because I know that night so well, can still feel and smell and see, though I never mentioned it to anyone, everything about the few hours in the dark where I fought sleep because it felt nice pretending I was someone I knew I couldn’t be? Or was it just because on Twitter someone made a video setting the song to clips of Sersh & Timmy frolicking together wearing the same vest in Little Women? Is “coney island (feat. The National)” the first duet between Taylor and a man that isn’t an atrocity and an attack or is that purely my Matt Berninger derangement disorder speaking? Is “coney island (feat. The National)” degrading my nervous system like a wasting disease even as we speak? Did I close my fist around something delicate???? Did I shatter you??????? Will my own horrible hand ever come out of the Arthur meme clenched fist into which it furiously curled when I first listened to the, yes, fine, extremely lovely “coney island (feat. The National)”??????? It’s been almost a full day and typing like this isn’t very efficient.

Is “cowboy like me” my dual reward for fighting with so many annoying guys in my “The Cowboy in the American Imagination” class lo those many years ago and, plus, for always believing that country Taylor would never die for good? Did Taylor Swift watch Brokeback Mountain for the first time this year? Would Taylor Swift like me to email her a pdf of the Annie Proulx story? Does Taylor Swift want to buy me the too expensive D.S. & Durga “Cowboy Grass” perfume I’ve been coveting for years? Is all cowboy content inherently queer? Just kidding—that one isn’t a question. Now that Taylor is once more in the business of recreational yeehawing shouldn’t she, as a gesture of goodwill, make the forbidden original homophobic version of “Picture to Burn” available exclusively to those gay fans who wish to have it? (i.e. the elite gay fans with a sense of history and place.) Does she not owe us that much? Isn’t that really the only respectful thing to do? Is it not the very, very least this monster could do?