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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 18 days ago

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Crossposted by Helen Pluckrose

"When significant progress is made, the identity should become lighter to wear, though goodness knows it still has its challenges. That lightness is what the struggle of prior generations of women was for. To secure the liberty (to some degree, as opposed to the prior no degree at all) to determine our relationship with what it is to be a girl or woman, or at least our attitude towards it. We need ways to acknowledge and honour the struggle of the people who came before us without being beholden to their terms." I feel this very strongly. The value of feminism has been that women can be fully autonomous human beings. When different kinds of feminists tell me how I must think & speak because I am a woman, I revolt & that objection feels like feminist opposition to constraints on women! - Helen Pluckrose

By: Laura Kennedy

Published: Apr 10, 2025

Being oppressed means the absence of choices. -bell hooks, Feminist Theory From Margin to Center, 1984

“I think that my gender is the least interesting thing about me”. The statement appears to move through the room like something physical. I watch its impact reflected on the faces of the women in the small crowd. They’ve come to watch a panel discussion on women in journalism. I’m on the panel, despite having politely notified the people who invited me that I may not hold the views they’d standardly expect of a woman in media who looks like me.

Some of the faces angled toward me smile as though I’ve articulated a forbidden truth, or said something refreshingly unexpected. One young woman near the front looks offended, as though I’ve taken it upon myself to fart luxuriantly, shamelessly into the serenity of a civilised gathering. A second wave feminist who is one of the other people sitting on the panel grimaces gently near me. It’s a flinch, as though I’ve reached out unprovoked and brought a flat palm down on her wrist at speed. I feel the movement next to me. The woman’s face rearranges momentarily. I’ll spend days after the panel considering that flinch, and how I should think about it but as usual I’m comforted by this clear proof that women, like any group of human beings, are not a monolith. Many of the challenges to which we are subject emerge from the patronising presumption that we are.

Perhaps naively, I hadn’t considered that this might be a controversial or divisive thing to say — to express this disinterest I feel toward my own gender or the insistence with which other people may see me through its lens. I’m aware of the irony of having accepted the invitation but in my experience these events are generally subject to repeated fluffy media feminism talking points which largely go unquestioned. I thought I might be able to share a different perspective.

There had been the usual comments we are all accustomed to at events where women talk amongst themselves about career and womanhood. Comments which would be controversial if we thought about them for a moment but are so ubiquitous that we barely even notice. Comments about motherhood constituting the most emotionally enriching and profound element of womanhood. Comments implying that the highest value of which womanhood is capable is only expressed once it has produced a life beyond itself.

Such ideas could emerge from a conservative male natalist with the same ease and complacency with which they often seem to emerge from some utterly well-meaning liberally inclined professional women. Yet it is my comment on being largely uninterested in my own gender which seems to have rattled the room. I feel bad that my words have landed on the woman next to me with such negative force.

Many here are card carrying feminists. There are fourth wavers like the young woman in the front who looks very suspicious of my disinterest in gender — her suspicion likely emerges from the fact that fourth wave feminism is a dissonant choir, locked in internal conflict over what what song it is singing. There is no widespread agreement on anything — from what feminism is to what constitutes a woman — apart from a belief that gender is the single most important concept in existence regardless of where and how it is being applied. Fourth wave feminism reflects the fractured and factionalised digital landscape of ideas in which we must all now think and live.

There are third wavers in the crowd, whose focus from the 1990s to the mid 2000s reoriented the feminist movement to the dual concerns of individual agency and collective identity. They embraced intersectionality and the possibility of diverse feminist choices, bringing class and race into a conversation that had never adequately included them because it recognised that women are, like men, individuals who vary and have different experiences.

Here also are the second wavers who preceded these women, whose major achievements stretched from the 1960s to the 1980s, and whose feminism extended beyond suffrage and legal rights (the focus of the first wave) to challenge the ways in which female biology was weaponised both socially and under the law. They concentrated on concepts like bodily autonomy, reproductive rights, violence against women and sexual objectification and exploitation. Building on the achievements of feminism’s first wave, they were successful in shifting the movement from focusing on legislative barriers to encompass a push for social and cultural freedoms for women.

The fourth wavers don’t agree with one another or the third wavers, and the third wavers don’t agree with the second wavers for their rejection of certain choices — like sex work — as unfeminist. The second wavers don’t agree with anyone apart from one another, generally, but even then, not always. Each wave has distinct integral beliefs (arguably with the exception of the present one, which is too busy eating itself to nail down key maxims). Each wave holds its own conception of what it means to be a feminist, and a conception of who does or does not merit the word.

As Margaret Atwood (who is famously ambivalent about the feminist label) told historian Mary Beard in 2019, “There isn’t one feminism, you know this. You go online, you will find seventy-five different kinds, some of which you would not wish to subscribe to, and this is what happens to things when they become successful. They develop factions and camps.”

Then of course there are the softcore or casual feminists who are horrified that any woman (like me) would not identify as a feminist despite the fact that nobody can actually provide a satisfactory definition of what one is without revoking the label from everyone else claiming it with whom they don’t agree. To declare oneself not to be a feminist is standardly seen as shorthand for ignorance about the movement and its theory and history. I recently read a Gen Z Substack writer whose work I admire and think is excellent comment that she could not understand why any woman would not identify as a feminist. But this position — an assumption that we should all be feminists — reveals ignorance of the theory and history of feminism.

Many women who consider feminism merely to be synonymous with being a good person will often say ‘feminism is: just ‘being kind’ (I dry retch at this reproduction of the same burdensome misogynistic tropes of fluffy, self annihilating, inherently emotionally clairvoyant and hypersensitised females that previous generations of feminists worked so hard to foist off women’s backs); ‘caring about gender equality’ (no it isn’t - sit in on a conversation between different feminist factions and you’ll discover quickly that they have radically differing conceptions of equality and the best route there, some more equal than others); ‘prioritising women’s issues’ (well… that one’s tricky too because which women are you talking about? Invariably, there will be disagreement) and on and on.

Feminism is a spectrum of ideological affiliations emerging from an evolving movement stretching back perhaps to Mary Wollstonecraft’s 1792 A Vindication of the Rights of Woman but arguably earlier still. To say feminism is ‘just thinking women and men have equal value’ or ‘only believing that patriarchy exists’ is a deep insult to the intellectual and political evolution of its rich tradition. It is a failure to take it seriously — like declaring socialism to be ‘just believing that sharing is good’ or that libertarianism is ‘only believing that sharing is bad’.

These are inaccurate, ungenerous and insultingly dim depictions of a complex and theory-dense belief system with a long history, impact and context. When applied to feminism, this thinking denigrates women who threw themselves under horses and died in non-consensual childbirth and marched on the streets while blinking through tear gas. They did not do this so that we could tell one another that managing the feelings of other people masquerading as kindness is enlightened, or to give semantic tools to middle class women with doctorates agreeing that they’re dreadfully oppressed over flat whites made by an immigrant woman on minimum wage.

Neither, you might argue, did feminists make such powerful sacrifices so that some prick like me can sit cosily on a dais in a temperately air conditioned room and say ‘I think that my gender is the least interesting thing about me.’ However, I would argue that while these uses of the freedoms they fought for are not in themselves ‘feminist’, they are only made possible by feminists who came before.

It may have seemed like a strange statement to make on a panel at an event on women in journalism, but I meant it. I think it. I mean it, and that is the thing — this statement is evidence of the desired outcome for many feminists, particularly the second wavers whose efforts were explicitly designed to change collective conceptions of what women are entitled to and capable of. They aimed to unshackle women from the limitations of a biology weaponised by overt structural sexism and create a reality where womanhood didn’t always have to present an obstacle to progress in a world run entirely — and then almost entirely, because - Thatcher (though she’s a very tricky one for feminists to parse)— by men.

The second wave feminist on the panel didn’t like it when I said that I consider my gender to be the least interesting thing about me even though this attitude is what she ultimately fought for, and I have been thinking about it ever since. Because I sympathise deeply with her reaction. It is entirely understandable. While she might have understood it as a profession of ignorance about what her generation underwent and sacrificed, I understand it as a logical and necessary consequence of the same. It is not a statement of ingratitude to suggest that gender is (or should, or could be) less important now than it was in her youth. It is an articulation of her generation’s profound success, for which I feel deep gratitude and admiration.

She has helped to create a world in which my gender can be the least interesting thing about me. In which a lack of unscalable legal and structural barriers to my freedom allows me to begin one step or more ahead of many of the women of her generation. She helped create space that my generation and the one following us can stretch in. This is the gap between those who had to fight for basic autonomy and those who exercise it with such entitlement that they can say what I said. This gap is not just an ideological but an emotional one. It has to hurt to know by experience that the cost of kicking in doors is that you may not be the one who gets to walk through them.

I can understand how my comment may have landed on this woman and felt like ingratitude, ignorance or erasure. I can also understand how it might generate an impulse toward resentment to see any younger woman wear lightly what was made to feel so heavy, for so many, for so long. How the success of the movement might create discomfort for people who experienced some of the most intense elements of the struggle. How the feelings that arise are complicated. Feelings about legacy and a sense of conflict about what other women might choose to do with the freedoms you helped generate for them.

When significant progress is made, the identity should become lighter to wear, though goodness knows it still has its challenges. That lightness is what the struggle of prior generations of women was for. To secure the liberty (to some degree, as opposed to the prior no degree at all) to determine our relationship with what it is to be a girl or woman, or at least our attitude towards it. We need ways to acknowledge and honour the struggle of the people who came before us without being beholden to their terms. This is what I took from the flinch.

It’s clear that my position does not appear to be the standard — from the reaction to my comment in that room, not to mention the fact almost every woman I know seems to consider herself a feminist, even and especially where they have wildly divergent and directly conflicting ideas about what the word means — and it’s also clear that there is work yet to be done. However, acknowledging all the progress made does not undermine that, though my colleague’s grimace may have emerged from a feeling that it does. We live in the confused, infighting aftermath of a revolution that — ultimately, on the key issues in the context of the West — worked. When you place your generation’s achievements into the palms of those born later and say ‘go forth and exercise the freedom we fought to give you’, the handover hurts. Of course it does.

I want to live in a world where my gender is the least interesting thing about me. My hope is that we’ll get there. We’re a lot closer than we were a hundred, fifty, or even twenty years ago. Without any robust, cohesive feminist movement in my time, I cannot be part of a unified collective effort to create that reality, but I can believe it of myself. I can see other people through a lens which does not make their gender the most important element of their personhood. I have the freedom to do that, thanks to people like my second wave colleague. So that is what I’ll do — on my own terms, since that is what it means to be a free woman.

There's no better way to trigger the identity-obssessed than simply shrugging and regarding it as unimportant.

And that tells you everything about how superficial and parochial they are.

"Being oppressed means the absence of choices."

Based on this definition by Bell Hooks (Gloria Jean Watkins), what choices do women in the west not have that men in the west do have? No, you can't point to outcomes. Not only does that violate the definition but nobody is entitled to any particular outcome.

#Laura Kennedy #Helen Pluckrose #feminism #religion is a mental illness

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fractualized · 2 years ago

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And so begins the Knight Terrors interlude for TMWSL! I'd thought maybe we'd get more clues to the which-Joker-is-Joker mystery with this, but this issue opens in the dream, and over in Knight Terrors: First Blood, there's just a small close-up with Joker's face when he becomes afflicted with sleep so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyways spoilers, dark humor, and nightmarish imagery ahead.

The opening scene made me cackle, I found it so unexpected.

LOL Just. The fucking slide. Jesus.

Joker, Gaggy (whose presence may indicate the TMWSL backers are also dreams), and a goon (who is possibly a human stand-in for Jackanapes) confirm that Batman is, in fact, dead.

Aw, no point in the heist now that Batman is unable to stop it, and once again Joker's towing around the corpses of people he cares about.

He brought Bruce into the diner to sit next to him omfg

Earlier Joker laughed about Batman falling off the roof, but now it's sunk in that their epic battle ended forever in the dumbest way possible. Other heroes just don't have the same appeal.

Though Joker does try to keep up the fun.

But when the ship captain says it'll be easy for him to just hand it over…

It's just not the same. :(

PAUSE

I just want to highlight that Joker appears to be eating refried beans and marshmallows.

RESUME

As per usual, without Batman to fight, Joker realizes he doesn't have any other goals. Even Gaggy still has a taste for crime, and he throws the paper at Joker as he leaves.

(Side note: do you think Lex Luthor has shown up on Real Housewives of Metropolis? Like in party scenes or something?)

The Jobs section in the paper apparently spurs Joker to try something new. He goes for a job interview at none other than Wayne Enterprises, and we finally run into Insomnia.

Readers who've read Knight Terrors: First Blood will realize this man is this dream's manifestation of the Bad Guy Who Incited the Event, but if you haven't, just his appearance is a clue that something's not right about him.

But this is Joker's dream, so he doesn't notice anything weird apparently!

He looks like such a goof. 💕

Joker starts off the job by trying to search on his workstation for where all WE's money is or their secret weapons projects or…

….. something "of Bruce Wayne." Which has to be "naked pictures." I don't care if you think batjokes is real or not, that's the obvious fill-in.

We'll never know for sure because of Helen (which was also the name of the nurse in TMWSL #3 who called the cops on Joker at the hospital, and that probably doesn't mean anything, but I remembered it). Joker introduces himself.

(Johann was also a name from the hospital, the dead husband of that patient at the end of TMWSL #4. Which also probably doesn't mean anything but maybe Rosenberg could switch it up with names?)

Now that Batman is gone, it appears that Joker wants to start trouble at Bruce's old company instead. Even when he's trying to get a new purpose, it's still related to fucking with Bruce. Unfortunately for Joker, in a comedic bit about corporate bureaucracy, Helen reveals that their nameless department isn't really responsible for anything important.

A few weeks pass, and Johann becomes known as the office comedian.

But his supervisor does have complaints about his performance.

Joker does not respond well to this bad feedback!

Check out the issue if you want more of a man's head exploding.

The next morning, Joker tries to incite some kind of… uprising? Mass resignation?

Yeah, yeah, end-stage capitalism, we've all seen it, J.

In the regular world, Mr. Dee might be talking to Johann about that brutal murder in the breakroom, but as Joker prepares to take down Mr. Dee as well…

And here's some extra weirdness: Joker didn't start working at WE until after Batman plotzed himself. How has Bruce taken a shine to him?

That job title is killing me.

If you've taken a look at Knight Terrors: Batman, you know that Insomnia claimed that he has no control over where people's dreams go and that he's just going along for the ride. However, Insomnia certainly has control over how he presents, and he's looking for the Nightmare Stone. So I think the promotion he's offering is a careful suggestion to draw Joker deeper into this scenario to see if that's where Doctor Destiny hid the stone.

And it's interesting that Joker still says here that Batman is dead, despite two statements indicating that he's alive. If Batman is still around, that means so is Joker's reason for being. He should jump on this! But the thing is, this dream and TMWSL take place after Joker War, after the batjokes divorce. Batman explicitly abandoned Joker to figure out how to survive on his own, and they haven't seen each other since. In Joker 2021, Joker was implied to have suicidal thoughts. In TMWSL, we have one clown who left Gotham as soon as he returned, and another who was expressly depressed. Batman fucks with the rules of their game and ruins it? He might as well have died "like a %$!@?*& moron."

Insomnia is practically throwing a cue in Joker's face: Batman is still out there to play with! Joker can run out the door right now! Or he can burrow deeper into this new goal, into this dream, and hide from the abandonment. It feels like a test to see if Joker will take Insomnia where he wants to go.

And Joker chooses to burrow. More weeks pass, and now he's the funny(?) boss.

Instead of getting called to HR, he gets invited to drinks!

That guy's WTF, CAROL expression is killing me.

Wait. D'Amico??

That's the name of the doctor who pulled a bullet out of Joker's brain in TMWSL #3! These names can't be an accident at this point. I still don't know if they mean anything, but y'know, they're there.

Alright, so now Joker is at the point where he goes to office happy hours.

And he's not even killing anyone! That's a bad sign. Uh, for Joker, relatively. It's a good sign for anyone else. But who are those shadowy figures?

Our favorite murderclown is back in action, ready to remind any street thug that Gotham is his town!

Oh wait, it's not just any thug. It's Gaggy, who is very surprised to see Joker. Gaggy says he looked for Joker when he heard the rumors that Batman came back, and Joker tells him not to tell lies. His old life comes back and literally kicks him in the gut, once more telling him Batman is back, and Joker still doesn't want to hear it. He emphatically sheds the blood he just shed.

UM, YOURS? WHO ARE YOU?!

Just a jokey boss-guy, apparently…

It kills me that the fucking microwave is still there.

Yeah, you know this is definitely not a joke before we get to the end. Because Batman is definitely dead!

Until a guy says that Batman saved his wife from a mugging just last week.

Joker knows how handsome Batman is. That's why he was looking for those naked pictures.

So now Joker has someone not just referencing Batman or bringing up rumors, but talking about an actual encounter with for-real, swinging-around, totally alive Batman. And it seems to make him angry— until he waves it off, implying it might just be another guy. (And I mean, with all the kids Batsy's got around, maybe.)

He grimaces when the batsignal shines overhead, but again makes himself ignore it.

lol Is the white dog like a white rabbit? Knight Terrors: Poison Ivy also has a guy wearing a top hat with a white dog. I'm pretty sure that's not supposed to be Penguin because his shirt has shamrocks on it which feels more Jervisy… It won't be a shock if Mad Hatter has deeper involvement in these stories, but I didn't notice him in the Batman one so I dunno.

Once Joker gets in his apartment, we see flies. Lots of flies.

So back in the real world, Joker has been explicitly aware that Bruce Wayne is Batman since Snyder's run, but in this dream, he's back to separating them. Maybe this shift happened over the course of the dream, or maybe it's been since as early as the promotion conversation, when Joker didn't seem bothered by the mention of Bruce, but when Insomnia brought up Batman, Joker was quick to say he was dead. Either way, Joker's now acting like they're two totally different dudes, one a boring rich guy who Joker has no great interest in and never did, nosirree.

The news story is also interesting. Back near the beginning when Helen is explaining wtf their department actually does, it turns out to be, in a ludicrous roundabout way, related to accounting. So I'm guessing in Part 2, Johann gets called up to talk to Mr. Wayne about the mess… 👀

And Bruce Wayne is of little concern for someone who's gone up against Batman, now rotting in Joker's closet!!

Boy howdy.

This is an ominous chapter end for Joker. He wants to have some purpose outside of Batman, but 1) Batman is still obviously hanging over him no matter how much Joker tries to ignore him and 2) his efforts have thus far led him right back to where he was in his depression: rotting his brain with reality TV. Yeah, he has a job, but it means so little that it doesn't matter that he has no clue what he's doing. Yeah, his coworkers laugh at his jokes, but when they do it's because they're not taking him seriously at all. He's obviously harmed people, but they completely miss him as a threat. He's neutered!

So far, Joker's Knight Terror is a terrible dream about the stark way he sees life. You either get to be in endless magnificent rooftop fights with Batman, or you better find satisfaction in being an empty drone.

Putting this together with how TMWSL has been going and the Darwin Halliday stuff in Batman, it all feels like it's pointing to some change in direction for Joker in the future. I'm afraid I'm not going to like where it all ends up… but for now I'll keep enjoying Rosenberg's storytelling.

... Also hey is anyone at DC gonna write about where Joker got his fake eye? I know it doesn't matter but I keep wondering about it.

#knight terrors: joker #the man who stopped laughing #joker #my jibber-jabber #spoilers

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skyward-floored · 1 year ago

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Maybe Cia starts out as a creepy neighbor and then later on become a supervillain, spurred by her obsession with Warriors?

Yeah, I’ve been thinking things through, and that’s one way it could go! Here’s my problem:

The role I tentatively have for Cia (and Lana) is of the pair of rich siblings in the second movie, the ones who want to get superheroes legal again and all that. I haven’t worked on making a backstory specifically for Cia & Lana yet, but if Warriors already knows Cia... it would change some things, if I stick with how the movie goes.

Becaus in the movie, the kicker is that none of them really have any reason to suspect Evelyn (person who’s role Cia has) of being the bad guy. Her role in everything is totally unexpected to the characters until Helen figures it all out, so if Warriors has any sort of inkling that she might be a bad guy and creates that seed of doubt in Malon/Time’s minds... I’d have to rework some things, that’s for certain.

And I mean, I’m not totally following the plot of either movies; I’m making changes left and right, and cramming in more characters then the story is really meant for, so it might end up working out really well to have Warriors be a little suspicious. But I just don’t know yet, because that’s second movie territory and I’m still fighting my way through the first 😂

But I do like the idea of her being a creepy neighbor/person on Warriors’ mail route. I’ll keep thinkin’ on it.

#answers from the floor #anon #Incredibles au

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dementedspeedster · 6 months ago

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Ohgh three things you like about Thad/Preston?

Accepting || Send me a ship and I’ll tell you three things I like about it, no matter my opinion on the ship overall

Ooooo, y'know I haven't actually thought about this ship before, but thinking about it now, I do like the concept.

I do like the potential for a bit of chaos or upset there would be within Bart's Alabama friend group. Like not only would Bart potentially be a bit upset (/just like " >:/ Really Thad? Really? You had to date one of my best friends?"), but also how characters like Carol would react to this news, cause you know they would probably still have to work out a general sense of dislike for each other (and because of Thad impersonating Bart), and then there's how characters like Rolly and Wade would react to just finding out Bart's sudden 'long-lost'/estranged twin brother along with the news that Preston is dating him. I bet they'd probably tease Preston a bit about that.

I am a sucker for the potential bit of angst this ship has just because Preston was best friends with Bart, and maybe there's a bit of feelings toward Bart in Preston's past, which can play into Thad usual insecurities about being a clone. I just like the potential angles it can be played from.

Ok, this one might be a half baked idea, but thematically speaking, I think Preston being a film-maker and having observational tendencies would work so well with Thad, who can have these assumptions that he isn't noticed or as important or that he's second-best when compared to Bart and in life in general. So someone like Preston who is actually looking at him and noticing the little things about him, the things Thad doesn't know about himself, would work so well and would most likely open up a floodgate of unexpected emotions for Thad.

I had a rough tidbit in my head of them when I thought about this idea: (I'm thinking college ages; Preston's at a local community college, probably getting his general education requirements out of the way, so that's why he's still in Alabama, Thad's there living with Max and Helen cause of circumstances/second chances/ some vague reasoning like that/etc.)

"Hey, Thad! Wait up!" A voice calls out from behind the blonde as he walked down the sidewalk of the Alabama neighborhood. Dressed in a green hoodie with a plastic bag of groceries slung over his shoulder the young man spins around on his heel and begins to walk backwards, unwilling to stop for anyone or anything in his goal to get back home and finish this errand for Max. As he turns he can't help, but let out a surprised laugh as he spots a shock of blonde hair and a camcorder pointed in his direction. It was Preston. Bart's friend. "You really just film anything, don't you, Lindsay?" He asks still walking backwards. "Anything that interests me." Preston answers back with the same unabashed and happy grin on his lips that he's had since he spotted Thad pass by. "Uh-huh." Thad rolls his eyes, though he can't help the smirk on his lips, "Suuure." Thad wasn't sure what it was about Preston that made him act so nice around him. Was it just cause he was Bart's "twin"? Did he expect him to be as much fun as Bart had been when he lived in Alabama? Well tough. He wasn't Bart, and he had told Preston that much and not even that nicely, but still the other teen hadn't been deterred in the least. He was still just as nice to him as the day they had first met and it had been hard not to warm up to Preston. He was weirdly a bit like sunshine on a warm day. You just couldn't stay crabby around him. It made Thad feel a bit weird. A bit bad that he had been rude to him before, but it also made him feel like there was a weird knot somewhere in his stomach. He didn't hate Preston or anything, but when he got too close like this-- Thad's expression scrunches. It was just too close or something. Eugh. If this was guilt he didn't want it. "So I'm interesting?" Thad asks with disbelief tingeing his voice as he shakes away his previous thoughts, "How interesting then, huh?" He prods further before an idea takes hold, "Interesting enough to be your muse?" Thad teases with a grin as he plays it up for the camera, leans in, and stares at the future film-maker right through the lens challenging him. He had expected Preston to sputter, to stutter, to deny it, but instead he stops in his tracks as if taken aback by the question. For a second even his smile disappears. Thad couldn't see the expression in Preston's eyes as he still held up his camcorder and filmed every second that passed by as he thought. "Yeah, you are." Preston says without missing a single beat as he lowers his camera for just a second. The expression on his face soft. There was no hesitation, no stutter, or skip in his voice. Just an assured tone that twisted Thad's stomach as the tables were flipped on him faster than the speedster could think. If there was one thing that Preston had learned about Thad it was that just by being genuine you could knock him right off of his feet. All the walls he built up, the attitude, and pretension broke away so easily. "O-oh." Thad stutters out and the walls begin to fall. It was...cute. Thad's expression shifted in the blink of an eye. Confidence and cockiness melted away and in their place a blush bloomed bright and red upon his cheeks. It was all right there for Preston to see on his camcorder. Not that he realized it in the moment as he was enwrapped in simply watching. But that was all he saw before Thad immediately turns away from him and rushes ahead of him. He wanted nothing to do with him or being his muse or the series of knots that squeezed at his stomach as the soft look Preston had given him flashed in his mind. Preston lowers his camcorder to his side and calls out to him, "Think about it! Seriously!" He laughs. "W-whatever!" Thad calls out and flips him off in turn. And all Thad hears back is Preston's laughter in response. As Preston stood there on the side walk all he hoped was that he would see Thad later on in the week. Maybe he could be his muse or something else entirely.

#ask #radioactive-earthshine #Me at the start: I have barely thought about these two in this way.#Me now: My third eye is wide open.#My brain is possessed. You keep doing this to me Orla. First Bart/Preston and then Bart/Kon now Preston/Thad.#long post #it's rough and i did no editing lol please accept this rough contribution #ThadPreston #PrestonThad

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redheadgleek · 1 year ago

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January 2024 books!

I had some vacation this month. I also had an entire week when I was stuck at home without internet due to the ice storm. So I read a lot, mostly very light, fluffy comfort read books.

What I read:

Nine Goblins by T. Kingfisher. A novella about war as experienced by goblins. As usual from a TK book, a little gory, a lot witty, with some fun characters.

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. I've read so little of Neil Gaiman's books and I really enjoyed this one. I thought it was quite inventive and I liked how the passing of time was framed.

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry. It's an odd experience reading a book written by a person who has died. He had a lot of mental health problems, and I'm so sad that the medical world failed him so much.

All Systems Red by Martha Wells (audiobook). I read the novella last year and have been wanting to read the whole series, but I had already forgotten details, hence the audiobook. It was a great way of seeing things through Murderbot's eyes. I just got the next book from the library, so that will be my next listen, I think.

Miss Buncle's Book by D.E. Stevenson. A very charming book about a woman who scandalized her hometown by writing a book about them. Reminded me a lot of L.M. Montgomery's short stories.

Lord of the Butterflies by Andrea Gibson. A book of poetry exploring love and family and gender. So much emotion packed into every poem. Truly lovely.

The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett. I've also not read much of Sir Terry's and everybody has recommended the Tiffany Aching series. It was a lot of fun and had some very unique characters.

Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros. This is not high fantasy, but when the frozen world was coming down around me, this was exactly the kind of escape fiction I needed.

Weyward by Emilia Hart. Three stories woven into one about generations of women who are witches. There wasn't anything that really unique about the book, but it had great atmosphere.

An Unexpected Twist by Andy Borowitz. Not sure I should really count an 18 page essay as a book, but I enjoyed this perspective of the medical system from somebody experiencing complications.

Thank You for Listening by Julia Whelan. Okay, it mostly stretched credibility, but I enjoyed the banter between the love interests. And I especially liked the way the MC was dealing with her grandmother's dementia.

Georgie, All Along by Kate Clayborn. I enjoyed this one. I appreciated that while it was a "going home to the small town" trope, it also didn't paint that as solving all of the problems.

Upstream: Selected Essays by Mary Oliver. I started reading this last year and it took me to finish. Some of the essays were gorgeous, some felt unfinished, and others felt like book reports.

The Kiss Quotient by Helen Huang. I nearly DNF at 90% because I was so mad at the "chivalrous" macho possessive behavior of the male character. There was a lot of gender roles and conformity and casual (and not so casual) sexism throughout. Oh the other hand, the sex was plenty and pretty well described.

What I'm currently reading:

Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr. My sister recommended this. I'm about half way through and it's a tale interweaving people from the past and the future. It's at a point where it feels like bad things are going to start happening, so I'm a touch anxious, but it's been excellent so far.

Poverty. by America by Matthew Desmond (audiobook). I'm an hour in and it's utterly horrifying and gutting.

A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. It's a 20 year old book at this time and needs an update, but it certainly makes science understandable.

The Six: The Untold Story of America's First Women Astronauts by Loren Grush.

The Summer Tree by Guy Gavriel Key. I remember reading this in high school and really liking it (while also feeling dirty because there was some swearing and a sex scene in it). This time though? It's obvious he's channeling Tolkien, the writing is painfully stilted and the premise is weak and I've found out that it's a sort of King Arthur retelling, so I'm just not sure about it.

What I plan on reading next:

Emily Wilde's Map of the Underworld, Tom Lake (audiobook), and The Starless Sea are next on my list, I think.

#books #bookblr #RHG reads #reading #www wednesday

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armi-d · 1 year ago

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Blog #3

In my blog post today I will talk about the two Candyman movies which was released in 1992 and 2021. I believe horror movies often show important problems in society, and Candyman movies do the same thing. The first Candyman movie came out in 1992 and it told a story about city legends, housing problems, being poor, and racism. In 2021, the Candyman story continues with a new movie that honors the original and also explores modern problems.

Some people liked the first Candyman movie because it was interesting, even though they knew it had strange and scary parts. The first Candyman movie tells a powerful story. It follows Helen Lyle, a white main character, as she explores the scary Cabrini-Green neighborhood. Some people don't like that the main character in the movie is white in a story about black people, but I like how the story does a good job of showing the differences between good and bad characters. Helen tries to save Cabrini-Green from Candyman but ends up becoming the embodiment of the evil spirit. This caught my attention because it shows that when someone tries to help, it can have unexpected results.

However, the second Candyman movie, which came out in 2021, received a better reaction from people who watched it. It was interesting how the movie used shadow puppets to show the stories of black men and children who were seen as Candyman. I believe it was interesting how the puppets were used in the movie and that there wasn't any unnecessary fighting. It was also interesting how the movie talked about race.

Thinking about the first Candyman movie, I didn't like some parts because of how race was shown in the movie. On the other hand, the second Candyman movie got good reviews because it told the story better and showed racism in a creative way using shadow puppets. Moreover, I was surprised and interested in the second Candyman movie's use of shadow puppets. It gave the story a better understanding of the artist’s creative decisions. The unique way of telling a story, different from regular scary stories, made people interested and impressed.

The artist’s message in the works is about how the second Candyman movie explores racism by using shadow puppets as symbols. Both movies tell stories about black communities. The original movie shows a detailed exploration and the remake shows a modern perspective on important issues. The story of Candyman keeps changing and is important because it reflects how society is changing. It gives a chance for different people to tell their stories and helps start important conversations. Candyman is a strong movie that talks about important issues in the black community.

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candlemystar · 2 years ago

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Why do you hate Helen? You’ve made her the villain.

Perfect Helen of Troy. An ideal and a villain all at once.

Helen. Mythological damsel. She’s like a prop. You could replace her with a sexy lamp and the plot wouldn’t change.

Helen isn’t an object. Everyone just thinks she is.

She’s the most beautiful woman in the world. She’s the face that launched a thousand ships.

She isn’t just a face. Isn’t just the most beautiful woman in the world. She’s got thoughts and feelings and ambitions and drive. She’s got her own hopes, her own fears. The storytellers take away a lot of her agency, saying she ran off because a goddess cursed her with love. But she could have stayed. You always have a choice, no matter what you feel. She made the choice to leave it all behind. To do what was unsafe and unexpected. She decided to be selfish.

Aren’t all beautiful women selfish?

I can’t answer that for you. That’s a belief you’ve got. But it’s equally selfish to choose home and safety and the familiar as it is to choose love over duty.

She left her children. Helen had a little girl.

You can think that’s bad or wicked. Immoral, if you want. But there’s drama in that choice. You’re supposed to see your characters, even the ones you don’t like. You don’t just take away Helen’s agency because you don’t like her or don’t agree with her. I don’t think you want to take away Helen’s free will. Her ability to change the plot herself.

Helen of Troy is more than a plot device. She’s more than a beautiful stolen object that needs to be retrieved.

That doesn’t make her good.

I never said she was good. I said she was human. Flawed and real and flesh and blood. Barely older than us and scared out of her mind. Don’t make Helen perfect. Make her real.

If Helen gets to tell the story, she’s not an object. I mean, also, she’s still your idea of who she is. But Helen has always been that way. Does she run off with Paris? Is she abducted? Seduced? Does she ascend to Mount Olympus in the end? Regret her choices? Hate Paris? Love him? Happily resume the role of wife and queen and mother of Sparta? The only thing anyone can really agree on is this—Helen was found missing from her husband’s home and then her husband started a war. That’s it.

Spartan. That was the word. From Helen’s original homeland, Sparta. Utilitarian. Neat. Militaristic, even. The beautiful girl from the most warmongering of the ancient Greek states. If Helen of Troy had really existed, she would have been raised to fight, raised for war. Now she was known for being so pretty, she’d started a global conflict.

She thought of Helen of Troy like everyone who had written her before, and most of those everyone were men.

Her will would have had Helen be the victim. The villain, even. The instigator of all of this unnecessary war, unnecessary evil. Her idea for the whole narrative was to have Cassandra be the tragic, truth-telling protagonist. Worse, she knew she had been right to pull Helen forward. She hadn’t been interested in making the most beautiful woman in the world into the most fascinating woman in the world. But this was different. She had pulled on the thread of Helen’s humanity. She had found what makes any character relatable to so many people—her imperfections. Helen here was vain, but also trying to be brave. She was selfish, but also living in a world that had made her be selfless since childhood. She was a woman trying to walk her own path in this world, despite there being no such thing for her.

- Tell Me How You Really Feel, Aminah Mae Safi

#tell me how you really feel #aminah mae safi #book quotes #helen of troy #helen of sparta #greek mythology

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astaroth1357 · 5 years ago

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AYE requests briefly open you say? Then here ya go: MC (female or gn) turns into a child for a day courtsey of Solomon (maybe around 5) with the Brothers. I think it'd be adorable, what with finger painting on spell books and things, but there ya go!

The MC is Now Five Years Old, Thanks Solomon...

Oh boy…. A little kid in Hell sounds like a train wreck admittedly, but at least they'll have some pretty strong guardians right? I heard It'll Be Okay by SMLE & Helen Tess and decided that was JUST the feel this sort of request needed.

Intro:

Solomon really doesn't mess up spells often. He's been doing this for a while (at least as far as my headcanon is concerned) so he's gotten pretty damn good at magic over the years. It takes a looot to make him mess up. Like say, a natural disaster, an unexpected surprise… or a whole-ass MC getting knocked into what sigil he's using at just the wrong time. Yeah. That'll do it.

How in the world is he going to explain this to the brothers…?

Lucifer

His anger toward Solomon is quite severe… tempered only slightly by how utterly adorable kid!MC is. (Well all know he's got that soft spot for cute things 🤭) It reminds him so much of his brothers at that age…

The man basically reverts back to being Dad!Lucifer sooo fast.

He's the one tying their shoes, checking on them throughout the day, making sure they're not running with scissors… that sort of thing.

Weirdly enough he's not that bothered by it… In fact, his brothers find it a little unnerving just how at peace he seems when he's keeping track of kid!MC doing this or that… It's like he's just put on an old pair of gloves and found out they still fit.

Speaking of his brothers, Lucifer can't turn off "Parent Mode" so it starts spilling over to them too...

When he started telling Levi "It's bedtime" and used a napkin to wipe Beel's face for him in public, they decided to hold an informal intervention. They're grown demons now, damnit!! 😖

Mammon

The first thing kid!MC did when they saw Mammon was fling themselves at him while screaming "MAMMIE!!!" at the top of their lungs… Regardless of his confusion, the man could probably die happy now.

He only gripes a little bit about being saddled with babysitting duty… Because everybody knows he's not the babysitter now. He's the playmate.

"Mammie, I wanna play House!!" "I ain't playing House with ya, kid. How 'bout Tag?" "No way, you're too fast!" "Hide'n Seek?" "Luci said we can't play that no more…" "Well don't hide in the oven again!" "You didn't find me!!" "That was the problem!!!"

Pretty much the Man-Child/Actual Child Duo. He's perfect for keeping up with them and they'll whine incessantly when they can't find him for too long...

Totally the brother to take them to the amusement park or really any of those super fun places kids love. He will be just as excited as they are to be there, too.

It's not uncommon to find Mammon passed out on a couch or something with an equally exhausted kid!MC sleeping on his back. The two can really wear each other out…

Leviathan

He's probably the least perturbed by this change. Sudden de-aging of characters is a pretty popular anime trope, after all...

He's not all that taken with kid!MC though to be honest… Largely because he's too worried about keeping his stuff out of their grubby mitts. 😖

"Levi, what's this?" "GAH! Don't touch that!! That's my limited edition Ultra☆Rainbow Witch figurine!!" "I wanna play with it, though!" "It's not a toy!!" "That's not fair! You have nothing but toys, Levi!! You need to share!!" "NO I DON'T!!!"

In those times where Lucifer forces him to share, Levi goes full neat-freak. He handles all the discs and games himself, everything gets practically sterilized, and kid!MC HAS to wash their hands before they touch ANYTHING (especially the game controllers). He ain't risking any random kid-gunk getting on his precious possessions… 😰

He does enjoy playing games with them well enough, at least. No one's going to pass up a game of Devil Kart after all!

Sometimes he'll let them win just to see how happy they get… Though, then they start getting a big head about it so he has to remind him who the actual gamer is with another string of losses... Sucks to suck, kid! 😌😏

Satan

… You know, five year-olds ask a lot of questions… A looot of questions…

"Satan, what's that?" "An umbrella. You use it so that rain doesn't get on you." "Where does rain come from?" "Evaporated water collects in the atmosphere and-" "Is rain like the sky peeing?" "...." "Satan? Does your face hurt?... Satan?"

Please Lord, they may not be on speaking terms, but someone has to have mercy on his patience...

In truth, Satan's kind of charmed by how curious kid!MC is, he just wished they'd listen more to his boring explanations…

"Satan? Why does everyone listen to Diavolo?" "Lord Diavolo is like a king to us demons." "Where's his crown?" "He doesn't wear a crown." "Oh… You don't wear a crown and people listen to you. Are you a king too?" "I mean, you're not wrong… 😏" "Satan, get back to work."

Eh, maybe having a little MC isn't all that bad. They don't lie, after all. 😌

Asmodeus

OMG he hasn't seen a child this cute since the twins were in diapers!!!!

If Mammon isn't around then Asmo takes over babysitting duties (like an actual babysitter) and he's more than happy to do it. It reminds of him of taking care of baby Belphie!

If kid!MC has any interest at all in makeup then he's happy to foster it. He won't give them the good stuff of course, but he'll show them how to do blush, eyes, lipstick, nail polish, whatever!

He also dabbles in a bit of facepaint so do they want to look like a kitty, panda, or dragon? He's got them covered.

Asmo just likes to let them be creative in all forms, really. He's going to be the one to break out the paint and markers and just the kid!MC go to town! (hopefully not on the walls…)

Takes pictures of whatever they draw, good or bad, and happily displays them to everyone. There's not a big enough fridge to hold all the art he's going to collect (and zealously protect).

Beelzebub

Playmate #2 right after Mammon, but he's the less excitable, more responsible one.

"Beel! Beel! Watch me jump off this slide!!" 😰 "Please don't… You could hurt yourself… You slide down slides. That's why they're called that." "*GASP*... That's right! You're a genius!!" *sits back down* "Not really, but thank you." 😊 *waits for them at the bottom*

If the MC is with Beel, they're doing one of two things. Either they're playing together or gorging themselves on junk food.

Beel actually likes "domestic" games like House and Tea Party because it's an excuse to raid the kitchen. He'll play "house-husband" all day as long as he gets to actually eat at every imaginary dinnertime.

He'll play active games too, of course. Especially action-oriented ones like "Cops and Robbers" or Superheros. No one's better at roughhousing than Beel! Though he'll go easy on them, cause they're small and all… 😅

Everyone can always tell when Beel's in charge of them because he carries them around on his shoulders. He's the tallest one of the family so it's like getting to be a giant!

Belphegor

Belphie was introduced to kid!MC when they started crying during one of his naps. They couldn't wake him and they thought he was dead… Followed directly by them declaring their tears were magic when they noticed his eyes opened.

He proceeded to close his eyes again and purposely play dead just to get them all worried again. It was the smile creeping up onto his face that eventually gave him away… 😏

He likes to play with kid!MC and Beel but he's not going to let it get in the way of his nap schedule or anything. When they play "Knights" he gets to take the role of the world's laziest dragon… Rawr.

Kid!MC will only settle down for naptime if Belphie joins too since he'll read them a book like he used to do with Lilith.

Satan's usually the go-to guy for storytime, but Belphie's a close second (largely because he just imitates what he remembers Lucifer doing for him, voices and all 🤭).

He deals with their myriad of questions by just making shit up and pretending he knows what he's talking about. It's around the time that he told them that little men live inside the freezer and shave ice cubes to keep things cold that Lucifer started getting on his case about it… Killjoy. 🙄

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios

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streets-in-paradise · 4 years ago

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Royal Treatment

Troy (2004) Reader Insert Fanfiction - Part 10

Word Count: + 9 K

Characters ( most mentioned) : Achilles, Mycenaean Princess!Reader, Helen, Patroclus, Ajax, Agamemnon, Menelaus.

Pairings: Achilles x Mycenaean Princess!Reader.

Warnings: Very light smutty undertones.

Summary: Since her last private encounter with Achilles left her with more doubts than certainties, the princess keeps trying to obtain a clear answer from him. During the celebrations, she comes up with an idea to test his interest.

Disclaimers: This was inspired by a mix of greek music ,various drum solos and improvisations of greek folk that I found on youtube and some mediterranean, egyptian and turkish music I have been listening to. Also, I want to apologise if part of this sucks. i’m still learning how to write some stuff and I don't know if this is as good as it was in my head when i pictured it.

Note: My use of the name Alexander here is only a reference. I know that’s how Paris was called in some versions of the myths and I’m only playing word games with that.

Tags: @yerevasunclair @mother-dearest-loves-me

The celebrations started with a short formal gathering in the throne room. The place was slowly getting crowder and the princess arrived later than usual but it wasn’t a concerning time range. Wordlessly, she returned to her spot alongside her father. She noticed the cup of wine he was holding and smiled to the pourer that remained close to him. The servant boy smiled back and the king looked at him like he was ready to order his execution. As a soft gesture of support against his bad mood, she holded his free hand. She knew that words of reassurance trying to explain herself or a convincing tale weren’t enough, so she tried something else. The sudden contact made him stare at her. He was still upset, she saw it in his eyes. Quickly, she changed the intention of her approach. Instead of acting like a caring daughter giving him reassurance, she showed the support of a loyal subdit. She kissed his knuckles and bowed her head in sign of respect, pretending to recognize his absolute authority over her. Agamemnon reacted positively, giving her a half smile that wasn’t exactly of approval but showed forgiveness. He was vainglorious about his self perceived but non existent mercy, appealing to that was more effective than trying to show affection.

The obsequious flatterers of the king started to gather around them, since that part of the festivities was nothing but an excuse to formally celebrate himself. Inevitably, some of the praise fell upon her and she kept her attitude towards it pleasing and passive, avoiding smart remarks or destacable commentary. She wished she could be left alone with her friends, but she had to keep performing for a bit longer. Helen was close to her and right next to her husband, but the distance that implied was a real bother. They shared some complicit glances despite being under the watch of the brothers.

Using their unexpected presence as an excuse to flatter their own egos, both kings started to show off some of the treasures of the conquest presented as gifts for the ladies. Argos wasn’t sacked, there was no need for excessive violence because Achilles speeded up their surrender. Still, as it did for other cities, their submission implied some concessions. Agamemnon got the military control of the land and demanded a share on the treasures of the city. Since he didn’t have a queen, his daughter had to occupy the passive role in his acts of ostentation. She had a collection of jewelry that was entirely based on stolen relics from every city he conquered, having at least one for every place. That wasn’t going to be the exception. The acquired riches were everything he had to brag about after Achilles took the symbolic glory. Knowing that most of the presents must have heard about what the warrior demanded of her, it was also a good way to reinforce her royal magnificence and the image of his control over her. On that occasion, the commemorative object of the victory she got was a necklace.

The young women were the centre of attention, as luxury objects whose value was being increased. Menelaus was acting like a loveful husband to Helen while he filled her with gifts from his share of the spoils, his older brother almost looked like a sweet, prideful father. The ceremonialize praise was hypocrisy, but it was fun for both girls to see their despicable owners pretending to be caring. Fortunately for their exhausted selves, the last and most expectant arrival stole all the attention.

As always, Achilles showed up very late. He tended to skip the pointless ceremonies that weren’t about him and he liked to leave his public hanging. Eudorus and Patroclus entered the room at his right and left side, wondering what he was going to do next. Without minding the context or any appearances of propriety, he walked right to the front of the crowd. Once he found his spot to stay, he blatantly stared at the ladies and saluted them from afar with a smile. Before his entrance, Agamemnon was in the middle of a self complacent speech that he interrupted. The sight of such a simple act creating more distraction irritated him even more. The king tried to save words with him, but Achilles robbed him of the speech before he could carry on.

“ My apologies to the ladies, I almost miss their honors.” He simply commented. “ Quite a charming pair, very sweet. I hope they enjoy what my effort got for them.”

The women stared at each other.

“ It’s not my wish to offend you, brave Achilles, but I don’t depreciate my husband’s courage.” Helen replied with extreme politeness.

“ Father knows my taste in jewelry.” was the princess’s defense.” And he is a smart strategist and clever politician. The brightest conductor of the army, of course.” She smiled to the king, trying to look like a sweet praiser. “ Your alliance is a treasure we must cherish because your accomplishments together are an honor to us all.”

” You honored me, I’m doing the same. “ the myrmidon replied.

“ It was no bother, the glory is yours. Nobody questions that.” The princess gave him the most formal answer that occurred to her in the moment.

Trying to keep with the ceremonial tone, she created an immediate distraction to relieve the tension of the moment.

“ Can we all thank this man as he deserves? This is an historical day for the city. He is the first fully consecrated hero in the times of my father.”

To her exhortation, claps and cheers filled the precinct. After that, Agamemnon decided to put an end to the formalities. There was no way of making it about himself again, so he concluded it. The festivities continued in the banquet hall.

Helen tried to reach her niece so they could do the short walk there together, but her very pleased husband stumbed in their way. Unlike his brother, he was radiant of pride because of the fervent defense that his wife did of him. If he didn’t love Helen, at least he loved how she made him feel.

Agamemnon grabbed his daughter by the wrist before she could escape to their side. Holding hands for the appearances, the started a whispered argument.

“ This is your second mistake in a row. What do i have to do with you?” He reprimanded her.

“ I got away from that shameful situation in the most elegant way, that’s what I’m supposed to do. If i were a man, I would have punched him.” She lied.

“ If you were a man, I wouldn't need him.”

“ Do you think that you would have had your own Hector of Troy if I would have been your baby boy? Quit dreaming, father. This is what you have, I do my best to serve you.“

“ You call this serving me??”

“ Who do you think I was serving when I agreed to bathe him ? Do you think that I enjoyed being degraded into servant work for him ? ” She fakely complained. ” I hate his petty audacious attitude as much as you do, but I stand him because it is what I have to do. You don’t know how hard I’m trying for you.”

She released herself from his grab.

The banquet involved less tension because the informal ambient demanded less interaction between them. She had to sit next to her father and keep with the good behaviour but the distractions kept him too busy to keep bothering her. She remained silent most of the time, but she didn't mind.

Achilles and Ajax were the centre of attention. They had a toast in their honor and people started doing them all sorts of questions. Ajax looked a bit upset because the myrmidon stole what he perceived as his chance to get major glory. He was doing a relatively good act pretending not to care about Achilles's decisive role in the victory and she felt a bit bad for him. One of her very short interventions on the talking was an attempt to validate him, but Agamemnon used her comment as a startpoint for malicious comparisons against Achilles. Using his massive amount of knowledge on heroic tales, Patroclus solved the situation. He did a magnificent defense of both heroes, talking about the complementary balance of their best traits with examples of some of their past feats. His eloquence was impressive for someone of his age, as it was his audacity to argue with the king.

Helen was having the time of her life just by witnessing how Menelaus's nervousness was growing at every instant. It was very strange for her to see him like that, fearing that anything could trigger a suspicious response from his brother. He was having a small sample of the life of lies he forced her into and she loved it. The funniest aspect about the situation was that Patroclus maintained a respectful tone the entire time. He was polite in his corrections and Agamemnon would have been the one looking bad if he would have reacted harshly.

While hearing their argument, Achilles glanced at the royal ladies for an instant. He noticed a slight change in his cousin's attitude, a rush of confidence that he wasn't expecting him to display at least there. He started suspecting their involvement and it's possible partial influence on him. The women glanced back innocently and the three shared their prideful approbation.

Patroclus's shift on the conversation frustrated the king's intentions of turning one hero against the other. Ajax got his well deserved acknowledgement and the curious boy took his chance to do all sorts of specific questions to him, giving him a moment to shine without entering in disputes with Achilles.

Since her comment started the argument,the young myrmidon tried to engage the princess in his rambling. She wasn't versed in the technical aspects of combat, but she tried to remain as a curious listener. Ajax's point, supported by the boy, was to affirm that he was the strongest man in Greece while Achilles was the fastest. He was trying to impress his listeners with less known anecdotes referring to that quality. Achilles didn't bother in refuting him and he barely paid attention because he was amusing himself by subtly ruining the girl's focus on whatever he was telling. Imperceptible gestures, smirks or just staring at her for longer than necessary were enough to achieve it. Staying concentrated in the talk was impossible for her, but she managed the situation adecuately.

When the meal concluded and the dancing started, Ajax offered her to join the festivities with him. She declined in favor of staying as Helen's companion. Ereny asked the princess's permission to be released from her daily duties and, once it was given to her, both handmaids got it. They knew that the young girl was going for the myrmidon captain and they wished her good luck.

The queen was left once more to witness how her husband chased the concubines. She didn't love him nor cared for what he did with them, but the blatant display was humiliating. She struggled to keep the appearances of love between them, but he made it harder everyday. The prideful public aspect of his cheating upsetted her because it was an insult to her pride as a woman. Her niece stayed with her, promising her that they would only have to wait until the brothers would leave the room with their respective companies.

She was feeling slightly disencouraged as well. That was a great time to lose herself in the dispersion of people, but there were too many stares following Achilles and she would never get there unnoticed. An insane amount of women were expectantly waiting to be chosen by him for the night. The ladies were competing for his attention, some being less subtle than others. She wasn't jealous, but she didn't want to engage in that game. She never tried to compete for attention and she wasn't sure of wanting to start there.

While she remained in her seat watching the crowd, her mind kept focused on one thought: Achilles seemed to fancy her in some way, but she still didn’t know how. She started fearing about the image he had of her. He described her as cute, he said that her face was adorable. Those were compliments fitting for a sweet girl, not an attractive woman.

She didn't have any certains but, if it was the case, she wished she could prove him wrong. He teased her for a very long while and she wanted revenge, but she was the princess and she couldn't allow herself such behaviour. She urged to show him how perfectly capable of displaying sensuality she was and the first thing that occurred to her was dancing.

She never showed off in public about the full capacity of her skills. Immediately as she got older enough to be allowed to stay late night in festivities, she got enraptured by the dancing of the concubines and she ended up learning to dance from them. She wanted to learn it only for herself, because she loved the graceful aesthetical aspects of the movements and she admired their performances. Her father didn’t allow her to do it but, like almost every other thing bringing joy to her life, she did it behind his back.

It was her secret talent. If she could disguise herself in the group of dancers to participate in their performance, it would be hard to difference her from the actual performers. With that in mind, she started imagining Achilles's reaction if he could see her dancing like that. She wondered if he would feel as teased as he made her feel, if he would acknowledge her womanhood and if he would want her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Helen.

" Do we have to stay like this the entire time?" She complained.

" We have to wait until they leave. It’s the best for now. " The girl replied. " I don't get it. Does he enjoy himself thinking that everyone is watching him cheat on you or what? Anyone would expect that after the devotion you faked he would think it twice and be more discrete but no, there he is... making you look like a fool. "

" I'm thankful to get him away from me. I only wish he could have some decency and keep it private.” The queen confessed. ” I don't deserve this humiliation. I'm a good wife, I do everything he demands of me. All I ask in return is to be respected, at least in public." Her voice was breaking a bit.

“ It’s never enough with them, they only think about themselves. “ the princess reminded. her.” I think we should do the same more often.”

“ What we did classifies as such.”

“ It wasn’t entirely selfish. We saved lifes … and their egos from an historical defeat. I mean a bit of real selfishness. A good payback. ”

“ I just want to be left alone. A lover wouldn’t repair the scars in my pride.”

“Many men would give everything they have for a night with you.” The princess commented to her. “ Do you never feel the need of being desired by a man that you want? “

“ Where did your good judgement go?” Helen mocked her.

“ You know everything about my sentimental life, but we never talk about yours.”

“ What most of those men have to offer is not what I would wish.” The queen explained. “ I have experienced desire. If we are talking about impossible aspirations, I want love.”

“ Why choose? You can have both.”

“ What did I do of you? Are you hearing yourself? Aren’t you the same girl whose goal was to have a nicely arranged marriage planned by herself using political strategy ? ”

“ You don’t want me to give up on love. Why should I let you do it ?

" You know better than anyone why I have to."

" That's not going to happen. My mother was alone, we have each other." the princess remarked. " Look at what we accomplished. We stopped a massacre, made a new friend and I got closer to the man I love, more than I ever thought I would be. "

" I told you, it is too late for me. "

" Helen,I used to think that my feelings for Achilles were a fantasy. I was ready to accept it as a comforting dream and carry on with my life. Thanks to you, I changed my mind. " the girl explained. "You have helped me so much. How can you think that I wouldn't do the same for you? "

" I doubt I would find love in a place like this, but I appreciate your concern. " the queen stated.

" Promise me that, if you do someday, you will let me help instead of giving up."

" We won a battle, dear. Not the war. " Helen clarified.

" We can win many more. " her niece reassured her. " You deserve to be loved and to own your desire."

"To be honest, I feel I’m more aware of what I don’t like in a man than of my actual preferences. I don't know what i like anymore. "

" Don't worry. We have time, i would love to help you to rediscover your taste. If it is not now, we will keep digging into figuring it out."

" It's not wise to get involved with someone that would never be mine. "

" You know what? I think I overcomed that. '' the princess declared. " I don't care anymore. Maybe Achilles will never be mine and so what? I want to be with him, I don't mind how. Perhaps he will never make me his wife and that's fine, I don't need to own him to love him. Love is not only about marriage. If marriage can exist without love, love can exist outside of marriage and you can find it. "

“ You have to tell me now what happened in that excuse of a bathing ceremony.” Helen teased her, encouraged and excited.

The princess tried to explain it to her carefully, watching over her expressions and paranoidly checking for the presence of unwanted listeners. Listening to her cheered Helen up.

“ What are you doing sitting here? “ she reprimanded her.

“ If I’m going to do a move, it has to be safer than this. “ The girl clarified. “ I can’t risk being seen by my father or inspiring gossip.”

“ He could have kissed you right there. “

“ Reason in the form of Hesione stopped me from finding out if he would have .” The princess added. “ I don’t know if i can do it now. Have you seen all those women ready to step on each other's heads for him? I’m not going to do that.“

“ You don’t have to be part of that,you are one step ahead.” Helen stated “ If you want a moment to get things clear. This is it.”

With that, she dragged her up from her seat.

The young ladies mixed themselves in the crowd, trying to have fun on their own. The princess procured not to concentrate in trying to find Achilles and just enjoy herself in the company of her aunt. Helen’s mood improved from the brief downfall it had because she redirected her thoughts. Instead of thinking of the public humiliation brought to her by her husband’s behaviour, she focused on the victory over him that she got. She humiliated him indirectly, her actions caused a situation that made him feel like an idiot in front of his brother. Some justice was served that time and she was able to celebrate. It was a small triumph, but just thinking about that made her start laughing without an apparent reason. The sudden boost in her joyful mood started to manifest in her dancing.

The queen’s grace was famous, but Helen never looked prettier as she did when she was really happy. She irradiated her emotions and the ambient felt renewed around her. Bright of happiness, she started dancing right in front of the musicians and the magnetic effect of her approach made them play the same song for longer, just so she wouldn’t leave. The percussionist was jaw dropping with her and even the princess was impressed by how obvious he was.

He was bewitched, but not in a lustfull way. The handsome young man was worshipping Helen with his music and she started responding with her dancing straightly to him. Since she realized that her niece was right next to her evaluating the situation, she encouraged her to follow her moves instead of teasing them with stares. Then, both girls found themselves dancing for the musicians and letting themselves go to the beat of their music.

Unlike the queen, the princess tried to keep her moves as chaste and cheerful as possible. Still, forgetting all her concerns to the sound of the music almost ruined her intentions . The fastening of the beat betrayed her for an instant and some very inappropriate hip flicks she did under the influence of the stimulation around her impressed her dancing companion. She isolated the movement of her hips to the rhythm of the song with a great synchrony. Sharp hip flicks combined with contractions of the lower belly creating a single circled swing. Cheering from the crew of artists made her realize of how she let herself go completely and she calmed down, going back to her usual style.

It was too late, Helen was too curious to let it go. Once the song ended, she had to abandon her admiror. Then, she started questioning her.

“ What was that?? It was incredible! “ She complimented her.

“ Sorry. The beat was great and you were pushing me in the wrong direction.”

“ When were you going to tell me about this?” The queen recriminated her.

“ Our mystery is solved. I think you are into pretty boys worshipping you with respect. Sweet admiration, not those looks of when you know that the man is mentally undressing you.” The princess teased her to avoid the topic.

“ Don’t try to get away from this. “ Helen teased back. “ You have to teach me that.”

“ I lost control, I wasn’t supposed to do that here .” the princess excused herself.

“ You will explain to me later where that came from, now I want to learn how to move my hips like that.”

“ We all have our unique ways of expression. You have your makeup skills, I have this.” the girl joked. “ I didn’t mean to hide it from you, the occasion to show you never presented. “

“ It presented itself now.” Helen rectified. “ We have music and a proper space. “

She was reluctant, but agreed.

“ Only because it’s you who is asking. I owe you too much to say no.” She admitted. “ This is absolutely inappropriate so i will only show you hip moves. For a proper lesson, I need secrecy."

“ Forget protocols, we are having fun.” Helen encouraged her.

Her niece took the position of instructor and decomposed the otherwise integrated steps of the movement so Helen could learn it and copy it. Very slow like at first, the queen achieved it with great enthusiasm. The princess oriented her into repeating it a few times before trying to find a pace with the rhythm. She guided her into picking that pace and, soon, both were dancing at a matching tempo. Helen looked bright with happiness.

" I don't want to brag, but this makes me feel beautiful." she joked.

" It's not very lady-like, but it's fun." her niece replied.

They were being happy with themselves, not caring about anything else. The relegated corner of the place they picked as their fun zone wasn't the safest spot to feel some freedom, but it was the best they had. For once, they ignored the certain chances of attracting stares, the perceptions and everything that tied them. The princess showed the queen two more combinations of hip movements. They were trying hip locks to the sides when a sudden but partially expected intromision ruined their bubble of concentration.

" Watch out, princess. Those moves look so sharp that you could have cutted me with your hips." Achilles told the mycenaean as he passed by right next to her.

The sound of his voice was enough to make her jolt and she lost herself to it, immediately stopping what she was doing.

" I’m glad to see you having fun. I tought you weren't going to get up. " Patroclus cheerfully saluted them, appearing right after him.

Both ladies at once responded to his greetings.

" What are you doing over here?" Helen inquired. " We saw you dancing right in the center with some girls a while ago. You are doing great."

" To be fair, most only looked at me because I'm standing next to him." the boy admitted. " When we came nobody cared but now everyone does because they found out I'm the cousin of Achilles."

" I'm doomed to always being the daughter of Agamemnon, very few people care beyond that." the princess commented. " I treasure those and don't mind for the rest. "

" Don't worry. You will make a name for yourself soon and that will end." Helen added. " Younger noble girls from big cities can be like that but growing up makes them wiser. In a few years, you will start to be seen as yourself and they will adore you. "

Achilles was impressed by the soft naturality of their interactions. They were comforting him as close friends. He kept listening to their conversation.

" It's fine, It doesn't affect me that much. " Patroclus tried to explain himself better. " In fact, I'm hiding from your husband."

To the mention of him, Helen looked exasperated.

" What has he done now?"

" He was talking with Achilles and I was there with them. " the boy started telling them. " He must be too drunk to care about being too friendly. He started saying nice things about me and ended up offering me a woman. "

Helen got second hand embarrassment.

" I'm sorry, darling. Did he make you feel uncomfortable?"

" He said some stupid thing about how he had her before and she was perfect to make me a man. It was disgusting."

" That's the House of Atreus at it's best. Imagine them at their worst. " the princess added. " Ignore him, Pat. You may be too young, but are already a better man than him."

" I have faith in you." Helen emphasized. " I think you 'll be a great hero because your morals match your potential as a warrior. You will make us all proud."

" We love you. " the princess concluded. " Keep ignoring anything you hear from him or my father. They think they know better than everyone else but they are the worst combination of cruel and stupid. "

" I leave him with you just once and you are already pampering and overprotecting him?” Achilles commented, his mocking hiding a shade of happiness. " He knows that Menelaus is not a good example of what truly means to be a man. "

" He has you. " the queen complimented him. " You aren't perfect, but you are guiding him right. It doesn't matter how many battles you win. To me, he reflects the best of you. "

Patroclus smiled at her. Helen's praise impacted him in a positive way.

" She wasn't a strong supporter of you." The princess clarified. " Her opinion changed after meeting him."

" Spending so much time with people who love you changes the perspective. " The queen hinted, indirectly including her niece in the affirmation." I used to think you were a cold, emotionless man with no care for anything. Your bond with Patroclus is only one of many proofs of how wrong I was. I commited with you the same mistake everyone does with me: I judged you by what you appear to be. "

" Good, It's mutual." Achilles simply replied. " You are stronger than what I thought you could be. I started to see it in all the stories that your niece has told me about your shenanigans. I like you a lot more thanks to her."

" It's the first time ever when somebody likes me first. In Sparta, you will be addressed as Patroclus's cousin." the boy added, mocking him with pride.

" Seeing you again in my lands would bring me great joy. '' Helen stated." I hope that this shameful experience with Menelaus didn't scare you away."

" Don't worry, queen. " Achilles reassured her. "If you are guilty of anything, is of cherishing so much that he doesn't want to leave your side."

" I have new friends that like me for me. Get over it. " his little cousin kept joking.

" I celebrate it. They are a good influence for you. " Achilles replicated." Today you humiliated a king for the first time and you did it so cleverly that he couldn't find a way to argue. Agamemnon, of all kings. I can't be more proud. "

" He deserved it. He was trying to create spite between you and Ajax. That's low, even for someone like him. '' Patroclus explained.

" Thanks for helping me there. If it wasn't for you, he wouldn't have stopped until offending one using the other." The princess told him." Not so long before he used to say that Ajax was a brute fool from an insignificant kingdom, now he wants to make him the next Hercules. He is desperate, he wants so badly to get rid of your cousin that he is willing to accept any other who would obey him.``

" I feel bad for any contestant in the army aspiring to get the same glorification he has." the boy affirmed. " Achilles has you, that's a great advantage. They will never make it."

The princess laughed softly, glancing at the warrior.

Achilles's gaze followed hers, in complicity.

" You are the queen's favourite, you will run with the same advantage. "

" The bright daughter of the highest commander designs political strategies for you… All the rest are doomed."

" You are so sweet!" the princess thanked him.

" I don't see why not pointing it out. "

" Agamemnon is too foolish to see it, but you think like a politician." Helen told her.

" What's greatly convenient, because having to stand polítical tangles is what Achilles hates the most about his work. " Patroclus insisted.

" Odysseus had helped him with that countless times. " the young lady reminded him.

" He is a king, his polítical work is for his own benefit." Helen remarked. " I know they are good friends, but the goal of Odysseus's work is not to raise him up above all the heroes."

" His competence has no chance because now he has you aligned with him and working with his interests. Honestly? I think that's a bit unfair." Patroclus concluded.

" They must have their own tricks." Achilles defended himself. " I guess she is mine now."

" We shouldn't be discussing this here. " the princess warned them. " Can we bring up something else ? This is a party, we are supposed to talk trivial things. "

" Where did you learn to dance? " Helen asked, pretending to be innocently curious.

" Seriously??"

" It is a trivial topic. " the queen remarked before explaining herself to the recently arrived men. " What you just saw was me attempting to learn some incredible moves I saw her doing. I had no idea, it was a total surprise and I'm very curious."

" The story behind it is not as interesting as you think it is." the princess clarified.

" When she says that, assume the opposite." Achilles mocked her.

" I have been secretly involved in dance practices of the palace's concubines for years. I don't like to show it at parties because it is something I learned for my own gratification and my father is not supposed to find out. " She confessed " Helen looks so happy, she inspired me to relax and I forgot were I was."

" Wait, are you a dancer? That explains a lot of things. " Patroclus commented, impressed. " I wrecked you when we were trying to teach you self defense but I noticed that you have some flexibility. "

" It's nothing compared with what it requires to be a fighter. '' the princess corrected him. " Being more specific, I'm not a dancer because it's not my occupation. I learned from actual dancers and I practice for fun. It's very liberating for me, a great pastime during the absences of my father. "

" How is it that we keep discovering secrets of yours? " Achilles asked.

" You are one of the few who know me as i am. " she tried to explain herself. " I discovered my fascination with dancing right after I started being allowed to stay all the way during parties. I saw a performance and I knew then that I wanted to do that. I wasn't paying attention to the lustful men around the dancers, I loved their movements. Men may see it only as their entertainment, but the dance looks like a celebration of femminity. I wanted that."

" How did you do it?" Helen insisted.

" It took some time. " She started telling. " When Agamemnon saw me following the girls at a gathering because I was trying to learn from them he was scandalized. He forbade it to me, he said that dancers were whores and no daughter of his was going to humiliate him behaving like a whore. He tried to make it up for me by sending me to the temple of Artemis to dance with the priestesses."

" Of course, you had to learn from the virgins. How would you dare to question his expectations? " Helen joked, sarcastically following the line of the reasonament.

" It wasn’t my wish, I did it because he said it. Dancing like a priestess was not what I wanted.” the princess kept explaining “ I went to the temple, behaved well, learned what they wanted to teach me and worshipped the goddess in the ritual dances. The priestesses liked me and my father started bragging about how his girl was so pure that the temple of the virgin goddess wanted her."

" He didn't let them have you because he needs grandchildren if he wants his bloodline to continue. " Patroclus guessed.

" I wouldn't have joined them. I honor the gods and sometimes i pray, but i never felt loved by any of them. I respect the dedication of their priestesses, they find fullfilment in serving them. It's not for me, I never felt the mistic call. " She commented. “I did what I was sent to do, I was respectful and that was the end of it. It didn't erase my original interest for the profane dances as Agamemnon thought it would."

Helen laughed briefly. It was always funny to hear examples of the complete ignorance about the sensibilities of women that the Atrides had.

" I waited until his next absence and I went to learn with the concubines of the palace. " The princess kept explaining. " They are not used to being respected by ladies. When I told them that I admired their dancing and I wanted to learn from them they didn't know what to say. It must have impacted them, because they agreed to instruct me in secret. That's how I learned. I keep joining their practices when I can. It helps me to relieve tension and it is my secret way of self expression."

" You managed to make yourself be equally liked by temple maidens and palace dancers? You are a true politician, even outside of politics." Achilles pointed out.

His comment made her smile.

“ Now that I think about it, It is the first time I see you dancing. I didn’t have the pleasure at the wedding party.” He reminded her.

“ I didn’t dance much that time and, certainly, not as i like to when I’m not being watched.” She replied.” This was an accident, Helen was flirting with one of the musicians and the ambient inspired me to lose control.”

“ I wasn’t flirting, I was dancing to his interpretation.” The queen defended herself.

“ You don’t need excuses with us. If you want me to kill your husband, just make a sign.” Achilles joked.

Helen laughed more than what she should have.

“ She is thinking about it!” Patroclus added, cracking of laughter.

“ It is not worthy to ruin your reputation for it, but thanks for the offer.”

“ It can be an accident in the middle of a battle. We can say that he got in the way of my spear.”

The princess laughed harder then.

“ See? She gets me.” The warrior commented.

“ It’s the same kind of grim joke I would have made.” She explained, still laughing.

They shared glances, looking deeply into each other’s eyes for an instant.

“ Do you want to dance with me?” Achilles offered her. “ We couldn’t last time and you are making me curious..”

She took his hand as a sign of approval, smiling with delight.

“ You can dance with me, Helen.” Patroclus playfully added, remarking how they seemed to have forgotten of them.

Helen grabbed his hand and both were laughing,

They walked following the intensity of the music’s sound with the intention of finding the group of musicians again. When they resumed dancing the princess stopped caring about anything else but her partner. It was reciprocal, because Achilles couldn’t take his eyes off her. Remembering some of the wild thoughts she have had before, she unveiled her sensuality for him within her dancing. Her movements were like a soft tease implying that there was so much more that she could be showing to him if the show would have been private. Her hips, waist and chest were the areas of her body that the moves highlighted. Combined with the graceful gesticulation of her hands and arms, it was a very appealing sight.

She knew that he wasn't able to touch her more than what would look necessary because of the context and she was using it at her advantage. Still, since he wasn't able to express himself with actions, he did it with words.

In a particular moment, when he ended up behind her while she was doing torso undulations, he got a chance to grab her hips and whisper close to her ear.

" You should have done this in Phthia, behind closed gates."

They were so close that he was able to smell the scent of her hair.

" It wasn't the right time, but if you invite me back i can take my dancer suit for a private performance." Was her tempting reply. " I have one, you know? My friends helped me to make it."

" I don't think I would let you go after that."

She was melting, her heart was throbbing and her head racing with thoughts of him. However, she did her best to keep going as before because she needed to feel sure of being a woman in his eyes.

While his hands were still on her hips, she changed the move and started doing internal hip circles. The sharp motion, first of her right hip and then the left, incited him to pull away one hand at the time, following the rhythm of her every action. The roundness of the hip rotation made her push her butt slightly against him in a movement that looked accidental but didn't feel as such.

She put some distance between them, enough to spin around and face him again. The song ended shortly afterwards.

" Sorry, It was the music. I almost forgot that you were there. " She apologised, faking innocence.

" Some people may be staring ... Don't you care for discretion anymore?" He teased her.

“ Most people here are drunk. They couldn’t care less, I couldn't care less.” She answered. “ Besides, this was pretty discrete compared to what I can actually do.”

“ Why are you doing this? ”

“ Because I want.” She simply admitted. “ You are the only man I ever wanted to dance for, the first one who has me like this.”

It was a strange confession of feelings. Metaphorically disguised, but it was there.

Achilles didn’t answer. Not because he didn’t wish to, he couldn’t do that at the moment. First, because of the context surrounding them but mostly, because it wasn’t a good time to be open with her. He didn’t want her to confound his own growing feelings for her with a rush of lust. He cared deeply for her, it started fast and it took him by surprise. He felt good having her in his life, even when it was at moments. After each of their reunions he felt a bit more infatuated.

Right there, she was making his body crave for hers, but he didn’t want that to be his first response to her affections. He guessed that she was acting so sensually because she wanted to confess herself but didn’t know how. He thought that she must have heard that was the way in which he prefered to be approached, that she had to make herself be wanted for him. He would have lied if he would have denied that he was enjoying it, but he was trying to avoid thinking with his crotch.

She had given him plenty of subtle signs about her feelings before and he never gave her a direct answer, mostly because he didn't find a good moment for it and part of him felt like he couldn't allow himself to do it. He didn’t want her to assume that he only reacted then because he was horny.

He was trying to do better for her, but she didn’t understand it like that at first.

The princess interpreted his silence as rejection. For the sake of her own pride, she pretended not care. She kissed his cheek,smiled at him and went back to Helen’s side. For the rest of the night,she tried to carry on as it never happened. Internally, she felt stupid, but it was the only way she found to overcome it.

She focused again on helping Helen. Acting carelessly, the first thing she did afterwards was to take advantage of a short pause of the music to talk to the man she was sharing glances with as a way to stimulate her to get closer. The princess started by praising his playing and asking his name in front of her and Patroclus. Smiling proudly, he told them to address him as Alexander. The princess didn’t hesitate in starting calling him Alex. He was very respectful, especially of the queen. He expressed his admiration for her in a kind way and didn't attempt anything on her, clearly seeing her as unreachable. Helen seemed to enjoy his harmless attention. In the conversation, they also found out that Patroclus had musical inclinations. Alexander was a percussionist playing Toubeleki and Patroclus made his contribution to the small talk speaking about his experiences learning to play the khitara. Helen was grateful for the care of her friends, both trying to make efforts for her just because they saw her getting along with him. For obvious reasons, the talk was short, but it was a good start.

They lost sight of Achilles and the princess was secretly relieved for it. She was mortified thinking that her attempt of pursuing him ruined everything between them. Over the course of the party, the three stayed together because they were already comfortable enough with each other.

They got involved in trivial talks with many different people. At one moment, they crossed paths again with Ajax while they were waiting for servants to bring them something to drink. The salaminian hero was doing the same and he greeted their encounter. He was a bit tipsy, but he was good company because he was funnier to be around than what most people assumed. The four fooled around together for a while. They were drinking and joking and the princess almost forgot how bad she was feeling, until he reminded her that she still owed him a dance because he was the first one trying to get her away from the table. He was just joking and It wasn’t his fault, so she tried to keep being sweet to him. Her polite reply explained her refusal linking it to his circumstantial state. Avoiding to sound mean, harsh or sarcastic, she promised him that she was going to dance with him the next time she would find him sober. Fortunately, It made him laugh.

He resumed their previous conversation in an infinitely less formal way, saying that he was perfectly fine because he was the strongest man in Greece and the effect of a few drinks weren’t an impediment for him. He told them that he could show them on the spot how he was able to lift both women from the ground at the same time and Helen considered the discussion about his state over, fearing that he would actually try it. She felt relatively comfortable with him and it was a grateful surprise. For such an intimidant looking man, he was very nice and likeable. After sharing some more laughs, she ended up dancing with him.

Their brief encounter cheered the princess up a bit, simply because it was very hard not to laugh with the amount of funny insanity that they came up with. Still, she kept feeling out of place, like if nobody really needed her there. Helen was probably waiting until the end so she could have a longer conversation with the percussionist and Patroclus deserved some time to have fun on his own if he wanted that. She couldn’t help to think that she was ruining the party for them . Openly expressing her wish of not being followed, she excused herself saying that she had enough fun, was too tired and prefered to rest. She hugged her friends, thanking them for their company and wishing them goodnight.

In her walk to her bedroom,the princess speeded up her pace to avoid being disturbed. She didn’t want to be approached by anyone else, wishing to forget about her feelings of shame. She almost reached her destination, but the hold of Achilles's strong arms deviated her in an empty hall.

“I can't deal with this now. " she admitted. " Would you let me go? I will talk to you in the morning"

" If we wait any longer, we will never do it. " He stated, embracing her waist.

" What are you talking about??" She complained.

“ Don’t play the fool now. You can’t try to hide anymore.”

" I know that I ruined everything. "

While hearing her, he seemed slightly confused.

" By now, you must know how I feel for you. '' She explained herself. " I may be good at reading the feelings of others, but I get easily overwhelmed by mines... I have spent my lifetime training myself to suppress them, I don't understand myself sometimes... I wanted you to see me as the woman I am because only then I could make you understand how I feel."

Her explanation made him chuckle for an instant.

" What's so funny ??." She tried to pull away from his contact, but he was obviously stronger than her.

" I see you as a woman, I have always done it. " He replied.

" I know how you act around the women that you like. It is not how you acted with me. "

" Do you think that I don't want you?" A light chuckle escaped from his lips again. " You are so lovely."

" That's it. I'm always the sweet innocent lamb, I can't escape from that. " She complained. " I'm a living, breathing woman with feelings and desires. "

" I'm aware of that. " He reassured her. " That was a very interesting reminder of it, but I know it."

" Then why do you keep ignoring me? " Her voice showed frustration.

" Things between us are not so easy. "

" You know, before you start thinking about it, I have to say that stepping into helping you was a choice I made based on my convictions. " She clarified. " I believe in you, I didn't do it looking for any retributions. Even if you don't correspond my feelings, that wouldn't change anything. I'm still commited to our pact."

" Calm down." He caressed her hair. " Can you stop assuming that I think the worst of you? I don't."

" I don't know what else to do to get a concrete answer from you.” She insisted. “I just want that. I don't mind the outcome. If you don't feel the same, I will respect it. "

Then, he crashed his lips against hers. It was a sweet kiss, intended to serve as a response confessing his affections, but it was charged with the passion of the long craving for it that he also had. She was in such bliss that he felt her body trembling.

He smiled against her lips.

" Are you alright?"

" It’s the longing. " was all she could answer.

“ You didn't have to do anything else to get me. " He clarified. “ I liked you in Sparta, now i think it’s something more than that.”

" I haven't stopped thinking about you since the day we met." She confessed. " I didn't know then that it was going to get that far, but here i am."

.” Odysseus spent half of the way back telling me to stay away from you like a father scaring away a suitor that he dislikes. “ He confessed. “ I did it for a good long while, but you came to me on your own and you dazzled me."

" He doesn't dislike you, you are his friend. " She clarified " He knows of somebody who hates you and he tries to protect me from him. "

" I will never allow that old drunk to hurt you. " He said, in what sounded like a promise.

" Would you steal me from him?" She playfully joked.

" If it's what I have to do to keep you safe, I would."

She kissed him, clinging onto him and refusing to pull away until being breathless. In that act, she condensed years of hidden adoration for him and all her hopes.

Achilles felt it, and he couldn’t help to love her for it.

“ My room is close. “ She offered. “ It’s safer to continue there.”

She giggled and headed first. It wasn't wise of them to be seen getting inside there together, so they had to do it in turns.

The princess arrived first, leaving the door unlocked. Her heart was racing with expectancy. The warrior appeared shortly afterwards, closing the door behind them. Immediately after seeing him, she kissed him again.

" Slow down, lioness." He teased her after she finally pulled away.

" I wish I could." she joked in reply.

" This is what I mean when I say that you are adorable, not that I see you as a cute little girl. " He commented." You are so tender, it gets me."

" Really?" She asked, impressed.

" I love it. " He answered, honestly. " I also loved what you did for me tonight. "

" It didn't look like that. " She pointed out.

" It didn't have to look like that. It was dangerous. " He reminded her. " I like some risk, but you took a pointless one."

" I wanted you to want me and I think it worked."

" You need to know that I don't want you because you did that.” He confessed. “ I want you for you and I want all of you, not just this."

" Then take me." Her proposition sounded like a beg. " I'm ready." She was talking against his lips, holding his hands and pushing them against her body.

" Not tonight, princess." He was teasing her, his cheeky tone got on her nerves.

" Why?? " She complained, her frustration almost made her raise the tone of her voice. “ I want to be with you, I don’t care for anything else. Father will end up selling me for power anyways, It will be the buyer’s problem. ”

" You didn't let me finish." He corrected her. " I'm not going to take you for myself tonight. " He explained as he started to leave a trail of kisses from her jaw in direction to her neck. " But I have many other ways to show you how good you make me feel. "

She gasped and he smiled against her skin.

" The massage was amazing. " He added as he kept descending. " And that dance? You are spoiling me, that’s royal treatment."

" There is nothing I wouldn't do for you."

He stopped for an instant just so he could look at her in the eye, feel the intensity of her love, and kiss her lips once more.

#troy 2004 #troy #troy (2004)#troy 2004 fanfiction #troy fanfiction #achilles #helen of troy #patroclus #ajax #brad pitt #diane kruger #garrett hedlund #reader insert fanfiction #achilles x reader #female reader

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oliviermiraarmstrongs · 4 years ago

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mid-year book freak out tag

thank you @bloody-wonder for giving me an excuse to share my book thoughts!

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2021?

It’s gotta be The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood; I hear “feminist period novel about mentally ill woman unable to cope in upper-class society” and I am THERE! It’s like [Stefon voice] This book has EVERYTHING: repressed women, a decaying old house, a complex relationship of two sisters, a pulpy sci-fi story-within-a-story-within-a-story, criticism of capitalism and reactionary attitudes and politics, commentary on how conservative society shuns those it perceives to be “other” and a threat to the social order (poor people, socialists, “unconventional” women). It is EXTREMELY my shit.

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2021?

The only one I've read is Siege and Storm, so Siege and Storm! Shadow and Bone was captivating, if a little simplistic, but the sequel really fleshes out the characters, setting, and themes. It’s great to see Alina take a more active role, and I love the exploration of sainthood.

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To?

I’m really curious about Michelle Zauner’s memoir Crying in H Mart. Same with Axiom’s End, which I haven’t really been seeking out, but it’s been resting on my list since I like a lot of Lindsay Ellis’ stuff.

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2021?

5. Biggest Disappointment?

The Penelopiad by Margaret Atwood. I’ve been getting into Atwood, and I have a soft spot for female-centric retellings of myths, so this was on my list for a long time. It’s not bad; it’s decent as a character study and offers some good perspective on the hanged slave women from The Odyssey, but overall it came off as...bitter? And not in a good way. It’s reasonable to include commentary on how bad things were for women in ancient times, but after a while I’m just like “But there had to be a time when Penelope was happy, right?” But the biggest failing has to be the treatment of Helen. Why a story focused on bringing literary justice to silenced women also characterizes Helen of Troy as a manipulative, arrogant bitch who single-handedly ignited the Trojan War because she enjoys fucking people over, I’ll never know. Ironic that in the opening chapter, Penelope bemoans being used as a yardstick with which to judge other women, and then the book proceeds to do exactly that with her and Helen. Can’t let Penelope have a positive relationship with another woman! There could be some form of unreliable narrator at play, but there’s not much indication that that’s the case here. Even Homer had a more nuanced portrayal of Helen than this!

6. Biggest Surprise?

I suppose The Red Tent. I picked it up at a Goodwill because of my aforementioned interest in female-centric retellings. It’s not amazing, but I wasn’t really expecting it to emotionally affect me like it did. You spend so much time setting up Dinah’s family and this supportive community of woman within a patriarchal society, only to have Dinah abandon it all after getting betrayed by her father and (most of) her brothers. Hearing about how her family fell apart after she left and she never got to see her mothers again really gets to me. The book has flaws for sure - neither of Dinah’s romances are developed very well, and some of its themes can come off as gender essentialist - but I think it’s a nice exploration of female labor and traditions that too often get ignored.

7. Favorite New Author?

The only relatively new author I’ve been reading is Leigh Bardugo, soooooo... honestly I don’t know what I can say that hasn’t already been said, I got into the series pretty late. Great world-building, witty dialogue, a familiar type of story with enough interesting ideas to make it feel fresh. Check out Shadow and Bone if you get the chance. Sound of the summer.

8. Newest Fictional Crush?

You would think it would be Nikolai Lantsov since I just finished reading Siege and Storm and he seems to be the fan favorite... but nah, not yet. He’s fun, but he doesn’t hit me in that way (Though very sexy of him to just casually proposition Alina and Mal for a royal polycule, a la Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot; would love an AU where they accept his offer). However, I would let Zoya murder me. Every time Zoya is not in a scene I am asking “Where’s Zoya?” Also shout out to Alina, just because I would treat her better than all the men in her life!

9. Newest Favorite Character?

Gonna try to do this without spoiling too much, but Laura Chase in The Blind Assassin really resonated with me. Her personality reminds me a lot of myself, especially as an an autistic person, like the way she has her own way of thinking that makes perfect sense to her, but makes other people see her as odd and naive. I love how she’s set up in-universe as this Sylvia Plath-esque tragic heroine, with Iris spending the rest of the book interrogating and deconstructing, and in a way, reconstructing this image of her. Atwood you’re insane for this. I forgive you for the Helen thing now.

10. Book That Made You Cry?

I never got as far as crying, but the part in The Goldfinch where [spoilers incoming] the art heist goes wrong and Theo is alone in the hotel room and he’s spiraling and considering suicide and finally dreams of his mom… all that was too much for me and I had to put the book down for the night. This guy just can’t catch a fucking break.

11. Book That Made You Happy?

fucidjdjdj I didn’t read any happy books this year. Shadow and Bone and Siege and Storm because I read them really fast unlike my usual months-long reading schedule.

12. Favorite Book Adaptation You Saw?

Predictably, Shadow and Bone. I basically bought and read the book less than a week before the show came out because I thought it looked interesting and wanted in on the hype (mostly because Jessie is cute 🥰). Honestly, the show improves a lot on the first book; the multiple storylines make it more dynamic and complex, the actors really help to make the characters feel more fleshed out, and Alina and Inej interacted for like three scenes, introducing an unexpected but thematically rich ship.

13. Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year?

14. Most Beautiful Book You’ve Bought So Far This Year?

I impulse-bought this book of Romantic poetry at Barnes and Noble just because it was pretty and I had a gift card

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End Of The Year?

Besides finishing The Grisha Trilogy/Six of Crows duology/Zoya’s duology that I forgot the name of….I don’t know. I’m not a reader that plans in advance. I acquire books, finish whatever I’m currently reading, look through my stacks deciding what to read next, spend an hour doing so because I can’t decide if I’m in the mood for any of them, and either force myself to read one or buy/borrow a new one.

I’m tagging @betweenironyandsilver, @illuminaticns, @borispavlikovskys, @chdarling, @sctine, @mightyaubs, @excuseforadrink, and @trckstergods, if you wanna! Or anyone who wants to yell about books.

#sophia says shit #tagged as me #sorry for taking so long I write slow and am on vacation #but thank you! I don’t get many excuses to talk about books!

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nyotamalfoy · 5 years ago

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“Unexpected.” - Part 1 Cillian Murphy x fem!Reader

Requested by @fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby

Summary: (Y/N) gets a chance to go to the sets of her favourite series, Peaky Blinders, but the day doesn’t go as planned.

Warning: mention of death

Part 2 can be found here

‘It’s just a birthday, he’s a busy man. He’ll come by later, I guess…’ (Y/N) tried to console herself as her uncle, Neil, hadn’t come to visit her on her birthday like he did every year.

Neil was her closest and only family after her parents died in a plane crash. She could always rely on him and talk to him about anything and everything. He was (Y/N)’s best friend. But, he was a costume designer and therefore, a very busy man. Neil had told her in a recent phone call that he wouldn’t be able to make it for her birthday because of work. Speaking of work, he had been hired as the costume designer for her favourite Netflix series of all times, Peaky Blinders.

(Y/N) had been ecstatic when she found out and almost begged him to let her come to the sets with him. She loved the cast and wanted a chance to meet them. In particular, she wanted to meet Cillian Murphy. She had been his fan since she saw him on Batman Begins. Actually, that would be an understatement, she was basically in love with him and had accepted the fact that it was just a celebrity crush which she could do nothing about.

Coming back to the point, (Y/N) was a bit sad when Neil said he couldn’t make it but was hurt when he didn’t even call. It wasn’t like him to miss her birthday. As she was laying on her bed, tired after a chaotic day of celebrating her turning a year older, she heard a creak from outside her room.

She shot up straight and got out of her bed, walking towards her door, grabbing one of her textbooks from her study table to use as a weapon on the way – great choice, (Y/N). A textbook? Seriously?

Opening her door as quietly as she could, she stepped out into the hallway, trembling, with the textbook held above her shoulder, ready to strike someone.

(Y/N) gasped as she felt someone poke her shoulder from behind and turned around, smashing the bundle of maths problems on the side of their face.

“Ah!” She heard a familiar voice wince as she fumbled around for the switch to turn on the lights.

“Uncle Neil?” (Y/N) called out, looking at him in surprise as the lights came on. “You scared me to death, you prat!” She grinned, walked up to him and slapped his upper arm before hugging him.

“Why a textbook, though?” He said, rubbing the side of his face as they pulled away. “A bloody heavy one too.” She felt a bit guilty, but he was the one that snuck in her house, so she laughed at his expense.

They both laughed and talked for a while, having walked into the kitchen, sitting on the barstools with cups of coffee and biscuits in front of them. He still hadn’t wished her ‘happy birthday’ but she let that slide knowing he was a bit absent minded at times and meant no ill-will. Just as she thought this, he suddenly stopped speaking and his eyes widened as he looked at her. “I almost forgot!” He reached into his backpack and pulled out a lanyard with an ID card attached. “Happy birthday!”

“Finally! I was beginning to think that you actually forgot.” She took the lanyard and hugged him saying a quiet but excited ‘thank you’ before sitting back.

(Y/N) looked at the lanyard confusedly at first but when she turned the ID card, her eyes widened as she read the words written on it, and she froze. She read it, then read it again just to confirm. On it, it said in bold print letters:

VISITOR’S PASS - PEAKY BLINDERS

“AHHHH!” She screamed in excitement and hugged a laughing Neil with such force that he would have definitely fallen if he was still sitting on the bar stool.

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“Do I look okay?”

“You look gorgeous, (Y/N). Let’s go now, we don’t want to be late now do we.” Neil urged her to get out of the house but couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he saw her skipping down the driveway in excitement.

After three hours of driving and Neil answering (Y/N)’s questions about the set and cast and everything in between, they finally reached.

“Let’s go!” (Y/N) pulled Neil to the entrance as they got out of the car. The guard standing in front of the door checked their identification and smiled when he saw (Y/N) grinning, flashing her visitor pass to him. Neil chuckled as he led her down to the sets.

He dropped off his gear in the room assigned to him and checked the time.

“Okay, they’ll be coming in any minute now,” Neil started and went on to tell her of all the rules and things she needed to take care of. She listened obediently even though she could barely contain her excitement.

Some minutes later, the actors and actresses arrived in short intervals of each other.

“Oh, hello! Who’s this pretty lady, Neil?”

“Helen, meet (Y/N), my niece, and (Y/N), this is-” Neil was cut off by (Y/N).

“Helen McCrory, I know, I’m a big fan, ma’am!” (Y/N) gushed about everything she loved about her acting without sounding too creepy or cringy and Neil was thankful for her staying composed and not jumping on her.

Helen found, for whatever reason, she was enjoying talking to (Y/N). They talked for a while before being interrupted by the Cole brothers. They were slowly joined by almost all the cast members including Paul and Tom but not Cillian, all of whom had taken a liking to (Y/N) immediately due to her friendly and excited demeanour. Neil watched on in amazement at how she managed to win all their hearts in less than 20 minutes and that thought couldn’t keep a smile off his face.

“What’s going on here?” A voice (Y/N) knew all too well made an appearance. She snapped her head to the source of the voice and froze. She was standing in the same vicinity of the man she had the biggest crush on, the one and only Cillian Murphy.

“Neil was just introducing his lovely niece here.” Sophie gestured to (Y/N) and smiled at her.

“We have work to do so can we focus on that, please.” As Cillian said this, he had an annoyed and frustrated expression on his face. “We don’t have time for visitors right now.”

The cast members looked at each other in surprise because Cillian never acted this way; he was always the nicest, most kind person on the set.

After (Y/N)’s initial shock dissipated, she had the biggest of smiles on her faces which was now tinged with hurt, hearing Cillian say that. The cast surrounding her looked at her and gave her sympathetic smiles, some hugs and promises to meet after shoot as they started walking away.

“You should leave before you break something or ruin a scene,” Cillian said before walking ahead of the everyone who had turned to look at them when they saw him approach (Y/N).

Everyone was shocked, to say the least. They could clearly see that something was troubling him but they sure as hell didn’t appreciate the way he was treating their new-found friend. Looking at (Y/N), they could see the hurt in her expression clearly with the way she was looking down, lips trembling.

(Y/N) had never felt such a sharp pain in her heart as she did now. Cillian’s words had cut through her like a hot knife, leaving her with no choice but to go as far away from him as possible.

So, once everyone had left to continue on with their work, with a heavy heart and tears threatening to fill her eyes, she ran. She left the sets and kept running until she felt sudden stabbing pain in her leg.

Great, this day is just going so well. She thought to herself as she sat on a nearby bench and pulled the sharp stone out of her sole which had pierced through her sandals, leaving her foot bloody. Her tears fell then, like white hot metal down her face.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neil felt like it was all his fault; he was the one that brought her here with the promise of her meeting her crush. He never would have imagined that Cillian would act the way he did. He went to his room on the sets, hoping to find (Y/N) there so he could speak to her.

“Hey, (Y/N)?” Neil knocked on the door before opening it. He looked around for the familiar head of (Y/H/C) hair but dread filled him when he didn’t see anyone. Picking up his mobile phone, he dialled her number and a bit of relief touched him when he heard her familiar ringtone somewhere around the sets.

He walked out to where everyone else had gathered and looked around for (Y/N). His hopes quickly vanished when he saw her bag on the floor near a wall in which her phone was ringing.

“Has anyone seen (Y/N)?” Neil asked the cast members as they all turned to look at him with concerned expressions.

“Wasn’t she with you?” Helen inquired as she too looked around hoping to see a glimpse of her.

“No, she ran off. I thought she’d go to my room but there’s no one there.” Neil ran a hand through his hair, guilt coursing through his veins.

They asked the guard at the gate if he had seen (Y/N) and he told them that she had ran out about 2 hours ago.

As everyone spread out, some by foot, some by cars and bikes, Cillian was left alone with his thoughts.

Earlier that day, he’d gotten into a bad fight with his brother over some family issue. Then, he had to deal with idiots in the traffic while driving to the sets. Lastly, he had spilt his much-needed coffee on himself meaning that he had to go back home, change, buy another coffee and then come onto the set 20 minutes late. He’d had a very testing day but his patience broke when the producer met him at the entrance and told him off for being late to the set.

To add fuel to the fire, no one was even ready to shoot as they were all standing around someone happily chatting away. He snapped then. Telling off an unsuspecting fan, his good friend Neil’s cousin at that.

Cillian was almost 100% sure that he was the one that scared her away with his rude behaviour and that killed him as he realised this. She had looked so happy with that big grin on her face that he had successfully managed to wipe off with a few hurtful words.

He put his face in his hands as he sat on his chair. Cillian only had one string of thoughts going around his mind: This is my fault. I have to find her and apologise. She didn’t deserve this.

#cillian murphy x reader #peaky blinders #peaky blinders cast x reader #cillian murphy #fem!reader #tommy shelby

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thecrenellations · 4 years ago

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Return of the Thief Notes, Part Three: The Book of Pheris, Volume 2, Chapters 6-14 and “Alyta’s Missing Earring”

Notes from my first read, October 2020. (Part One | Part Two | TaT)

Contents: Elephants, guesses about gods and dead men, villain team up, the unexpected, AAAAAAH, elaboration on the word cloud above (which is one big Gen, medium Pheris, medium love, and scattered other names), and more quantitative analysis! I love this book.

Format: Page number. My thoughts (Context?)

Chapter 6

285. unkingly moment, last night with her at home

MISMATCHED STOCKINGS (I have a thing about this.)

Wedges of ribbons?

285. cute

286. a pitneen? A drunk bird?

Wait. Gift of animals??? Did he steal the thunderbolts wearing it?

A canary no longer

287. Hilarion and Ion, wow

Throw a cup of wine on me

288. War pants! War pants!

What’s Attolia wearing?

Sophos! (the whistling!)

288. Ok fine it’s gonna be sad ... I say as if I didn’t just experience the trial (the last lighthearted moment)

Pepper!

Be careful Pheris

Also Relius went to Dite and Juridius, right? (I was convinced Dite would show up)

Sinerine!

290. SOCKS! Yay <3 magus

I was resigned to not much magus but he is HERE!

He’s … so much nicer than he was to the kids in the Thief, lol

A CART!

Lamb, falling in same paragraph. Worried.

Gen :( Gen you ran all over the palace and leapt in the water last night. You are so stupid.

292. Yay Sophos I love you

Math buddies!

294. I’M SAD.

They have had this convo before

I love them

It’s because I can that I think I should

295. Do not overreach. Eddis is right

Danger in self indulgence?

I love her! “I was outside chasing your brother with a stick”

296. My heart. You have to trust yourself. I don’t know if I can. Then you have to trust us.

Tactical Irene!

Thanks I’m gonna hold on to it: “The Call of life is a s powerful as the call of death, and it is no weakness to answer to it”

297. Oh no. My children. Tell each other things like that!

Great time to be childish, Gen.

Yeah honestly. It’s bothered her FOREVER

299. Pull it together, kids!

Thx Helen

Inkpots … :( :( :(

Chapter 7

302. See … that Continent occupation isn’t good either!

303. Unfortunately that is NOT an alternative. Bc volcano.

305. This is stressful.

Chloe, interesting

306. Elephants

Oh my god it’s better than I ever could have imagined (there was like 10 years of lead up to the elephants, and I thoroughly enjoyed them)

I love him

Gen wtf

Yes drink up those guards (“We could keep [an elephant] in the guard’s bathhouse! There’s plenty of room.” “And the guards will bathe ...?” “In the palace reservoir.” “Our drinking water.”)

#6 Gen about elephants

308. This is gonna be a disaster

Hilarion with an eyeglass

Fuck Pheris is making this up.

Gen I love you

Oh my god

Honestly idk if Gen is having fun but I AM

They’re. They’re such a power couple.

Also Bu-seneth is so rude to Attolia

309. so vague about battle, but I’m sure it’s horrible

310. hero talk. Chills.

311. all the woman comparisons for Gen (“Would [a world with no war and no heroes be a bad thing?” “That’s a woman’s question”)

Wow. Interesting. Anonymity

312. Don’t listen to them Gen!

Bad tempered cooks

313. lol. Good looks.

Gen. the hand joke. Why

Well that was … a scene (I don’t know my Henry V)

Reassuring to have a glove. Which one?

314. No. Bad. This is what I was afraid of. (Nahuseresh baiting Gen with Kamet)

Ok Pheris

315. That cannot be true. (it was not!)

Gen. No. No.

316. Wow. That worked out well. So far.

They called him annux. If Kamet is really dead…

319. Yeah Attolia is RIGHT

Yeah I can’t actually either!

Irene knows. In his story!

320. Glove resolved very fast

Interesting reversal (Gen and his dad)

Maddening!

Chapter 8

322. who’s charging off in a haze of glory now

Philologos wounded

Wait, the attendants follow him in to battle...

Cleon RIP

Temenus <3

No. Stenides

If they ever returned.

His brother died in an explosion

Gen’s tears

This is sad.

323. lion lamb :(

325. At least they have each other

Morality is an illusion. Like safety?

326. that’s what Costis was mapping, right? (nope)

How many has Gen killed now

328. Who. Pol? Ambiades? (The cairn man question remains)

Oh no

Oh no. you can fall from a horse

HILARION!

Is Fordad a spy?

I am just not accepting this yet

WAIT THE MEDES TOOK HIM! (I thought the Attolians had taken Gen, or Gen’s body, at first.)

330. wow things only Pheris can do

GDI Erondites

WOW THIS IS A VILLAIN TEAM UP

332. You gave it to him dude (Nahuseresh asking “Why does he still have this?” about Gen’s hook)

I love Gen. I wonder if he’s afraid.

This is bad.

Whose treason, whose betrayal?

333. Yeah! Kamet said so (“Tell me again that you are king.” “Annux, if you prefer.”)

334. Oh god.

Get your stories straight bastards

Rolled in a rug!

336. Oh gen

Oh god

Yeah this is …

Be careful what you ask for

338. What did he sign as, though, Attolis? Eugenides?

Nomenus wtf

What does mwt have against facial hair (Fordad, Nahuseresh)

Costis please come (idk how I thought he was going to help, but I was in Costis Denial and expected him to show up at any moment)

Everyone must be going through a lot

A face like an open grave

Gen.

Gen I love you

YES

Is he … invulnerable now?

Gen what.

Is he possessed? Is he already a god?

341. Yeah same. (“I think he meant that I should not fear him, either. I did, though ... I still followed him”)

This isn’t being self indulgent or overreaching, is it?

342. RIP Ion Nomenus

“My work”

Oh Nomenus

Does he just exist for the morally gray and loyal angst feelings? It works (...)

344. What did he DO

Yes! Swearing Gen!

345. love all caps Gen

Those names

Aaah

346. Ooof.

Chapter 9

347. moon promises

Yeah

Noooo Philologos :(

Legarus … :(

349. Gen what what

Sparks

Costis? Stenides? STENIDES?

Wow ok he killed Bu-seneth

350. god

See I said Nahuseresh shouldn’t have said that

Also is Gen a bastard

351. WHAT (“Because your council had just voted to kill him”)

Oh Helen

Oh Irene

Does he invite him in?

This is reassuring to the reader (“He can bear his god a little while without losing himself”)

Aaaaah Galen

354. Gen that’s a lot. A lot.

Don’t kill everyone.

So so so x7 of doom

Bye Yorn

I hope he wins too

Go away Nahuseresh

Omg

another fall

Interregnum

Ok it was Lader (when you don’t know who the man at the cairn was, keep on guessing!)

Yeah the circumstances thing is back

Oh god

Oh no

Chapter 10

361. how long has it been?

362. three days

I love them (Elephants! My excellent queen!)

You promised to trust him

364. Oh no. Oh no. (Relius)

370. These Helen convos…

371. Sad. :(

372. Emtis and Lader

Yeah.

Omg

374. Wow

Steal by elephant?

377. Don’t forget about Dite!

378. He’s gonna kill him?

379. Is Dite dead too?

Oh Sejanus

Oh I see

He’s got a mercy taste too

380. Switching!

Lying in moonlight. Hm.

381. Yesss

Nooooo

383. I’m nervous

Gods blessing on your road

Wow. <3

They would have fallen… (if Pheris had gone through with his plan, that’s how they both would have died)

Did not expect Sejanus feelings in Rott.

Chapter 11

386. He’s gonna know. But the trust.

Ion knows.

390. Gen…

Pheris is Lyopidus?

I’m scared

393. I kind of love Ion

More Sejanus, bring it on

I’m nervous

Hmmm… who could it be

395. MoW :( <3 I will not be ok if he dies too

Gen knows the way bc Costis (nope)

Oh my god these two (“I lied” “I know”)

Chapter 12

398. Oh no.

This is not

Her Thief

Irene. “only sleeping” this is what Eddis said to her

But mist… water???

Face touch

402. not living or dead. King

Yes. But no.

403. crying at everything and the MoW next to him

There he went

It was the Eddisians. He fought with them.

404. yeah that’s a lot to deal with, Pheris

405. what a mystery man (Sejanus)

Lol mysterious exit averted

Excuse me that was a difference

406. :(

Am I king

407. Helen is once again right. She’s also always right

MOIRA was Melisande???!??!? (who even knows)

409. ?? Irene?

Same as for Dite. Man loves his brothers. (nephews. you know what I mean.)

Nice.

AAH yup. Add it to the list (“How neatly you tie them together” ... the list of is ways Gen and Irene are becoming more like each other)

410. speaking of which where is Costis!

Hm… what god was that

I love their reactions

411. SPLENDID.

Oh Irene. It’s true <3

It’s so true (“When the king gives his heart he gives it completely”)

Now I’m crying again, at them

412. Gen, she has a point.

Amazing. I … I don’t think she meant to ask like THAT

Jesus, Gen.

You do not know a wagon from a wheelbarrow

413. Irene!

She’d better get home safe.

Gen!

Omg

414. I have another bad feeling, about Gen

415. High king or queen though?

Magus <3

Chapter 13

416. “of course”

That’s ominous

417. No! Sejanus!

A gut wound yikes

418. sadness

419. lol “ill will”

We’re in Roa. My heart’s pounding.

422. I love Gen.

YESSS

Yes I love them.

Sheep.

Kamet!!!

?!?

Costis. Mattresses exist.

424. Oh no.

426. roof dream

Good roof dream

Good job Helen

428. TWINS. Everyone was RIGHT

Reyatimi

Oh shit. The sky.

Oh dear. :( aaah

430. Climbing the rigging!

“it’s just that you have so many least favorite things”

431. I love them (Gen and Irene)

432. I love them (Gen and Helen)

433. RIGHT! I was thinking

I can’t <3 (they’re naming the baby after the MoW, and it’s perfect, and she’s not gonna tell us, huh)

OH MY GOD!!! (baby thief!)

WOW!

434. AAAAAAH (Hector! @threetoadswaltz finished reading before me and knew that I would explode about this and I DID, I threw my arms in the air! HECTOR!)

PERFECTION!

435. AAAAAAAAH (this was when it became clear they were going to dance on the roof)

Yes she was (as surefooted as the king)

Is this the first time she’s Irene

Yes.

I’m filled with happiness

Celia and Lavia again … lol.

Lol Chloe

THALIA

CRENELATED wall

HE’S ALIVE

Kamet is a sweetheart

The gods!!!

The gods!

Aracthus

Mystery goddess?

Ula?

Moira! Yes!

(I was very happy. The page itself:)

Alyta’s Missing Earring

Wait. Was it Alyta.

Glad we got a bi god (with all due respect to Immakuk and Ennikar, whose bi-ness and godliness is perhaps more up to the reader)

Got very bi very fast

Also. He’s Gen.

Interesting difference in story

Kathodicia!

Are we literally getting ALL the answers? (No. But so many more than I expected!)

Gen’s grandfather sucks

An urn huh

Omg. Heiro’s earrings?

Oh my gosh.

Same, Gen. Same.

Obvs Phresine knows.

Is Phresine a goddess?

Same, Gen. Same.

She got to tell a story! She is so happy!

I think he’s a little scared

Moleskin

Yeah peace huh

This series is socially sanctioned silliness

1000 Eugenides. Wow.

They did melt though

Little thief.

<3 <3 <3

He’s a character in a story

A big question

Tamarisk? Takima? (We are not getting all the answers.)

That’s it! Thank you for reading - it feels very self-indulgent to type up all of these, but I will honestly take most chances to relive the intense and wonderful experience of reading this book for the first time, which often means looking back at my own notes and sometimes means sharing them with people. Also, I really love reading liveblogs/real-time book thoughts, so here is one from awhile ago ... all at once.

Anyway, check out this word cloud from all of the notes (made with this site):

It’s ... mostly just character names, with a variety of words that express my enthusiasm and feeling (love, lol, wow, yes, excuse me...). Gen is the biggest because I said his name 115 times! Here are some totals for the other characters who came up a lot:

115 - Gen (and 10 Eugenides)

42 - Pheris

26 - Costis

18 - Irene (and 6 Attolia)

16 - Helen (and 8 Eddis)

10 - Sophos (and 4 Sounis)

12 - the magus

11- Kamet

11 - Teleus

10 - Relius

9 - Ion

6 - MoW

6 - Moira

5 - Sejanus

These don’t fully represent how much I had to say about them, because I didn’t always refer to people by name or title ... which kind of explains why Costis’s total is ridiculously high compared to how much he is in the book - I likely have more notes about other characters, but I didn’t need to bring up their names because they were already present in the scenes I was taking notes on (for example, I think I talked about Relius more than Teleus, the magus, or Kamet, but many of those just referred to him as he, because it was obvious to me who I meant). But also I was just looking for Costis! Anyway. My use of names and titles for the monarchs also really illustrates how much this book reshaped the way I think of these characters’ relationship to them, Gen’s and Irene’s especially.

It’s representative of my feelings about this series that I wrote “I love them” about so many combinations of characters. Who, exactly? And how many times? Well...

5 - Gen and Irene

4 - Gen and Helen

2 - Gen and Pheris

1 - Gen, Irene, Helen, and Sophos

1 - Helen and Sophos

1 - Costis and Kamet

1 - unknown combo of Gen, Pheris, and Relius on p.166, I love them all and can’t remember. Kamet’s map was there, too, and I do love Kamet, so maybe he was in there too.

no matter what the numbers say, I love them all endlessly, and I love this book.

be blessed in your endeavors, yes I will take any questions about these notebook screams, etc.

#annotating this caused me to look back at so many scenes i will never be over #aaah #return of the thief #the queen's thief #mwt #return of the thief spoilers #rott spoilers #something i #hey #threetoadswaltz #i tagged you because i mentioned you but reading this is not Required #you know it all anyway. ... this time ;)#it was just your exploding comment

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another-snape-story · 5 years ago

Text

Night of Confessions

Chapter XV

After hastily bandaging his leg, Snape hurried straight to your private quarters. The other day he’d never had a thought of visiting you in such a late hour, but tonight everything was different.

“Please, open it,” he knocked at your door. “I need to talk to you…”

No answer followed.

His head almost resting on the wooden surface, Snape called out your name over and over again. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he repeated – all in vain. Not a sound, not a rustle was to be heard from inside.

Frustrated, torn by hatred for himself, he gave up. The flat of his palm hit the door one last time and hopelessly slid down. Devastated, he remained standing there at the threshold, realizing he’s lost the only source of joy in his miserable life. But – what if you were not there? What if –

Snape rushed up to the Entrance Hall and out across the Viaduct Courtyard, past Greenhouses, right to your office. The last bit of hope which smoldered inside him now flared up, once he saw a dim light seeping through its windows.

Stepping carefully, almost stealthily, Snape found you curled up in the armchair. Unaware of someone’s presence, you cried quietly, yet selflessly. Snape’s heart shattered into pieces. Remorse mercilessly clenched its fists around his conscience, as he watched you through the doorway, not daring to enter. It was the first time he saw you crying. Tormenting awareness of being the reason of your tears seemed unbearable. Each second of hesitation caused excruciating pain. Unable to endure this any longer, Snape strode inside.

You jerked, frightened by unexpected stir at the entrance. A brief look was enough to recognize your visitor. You held your breath to suppress weeping and turned away not to let him see your face.

“Leave,” wiping tears away, you rose up to your feet and walked up to the windowsill, where fancy pots with various plants lined up a quaint multitude. Vision still hazy, absentmindedly, you stroked the leaf; not that it was dusty – you just needed to put your hands somewhere.

“No.” Snape slowly approached you from behind. There you stood – so fragile, so vulnerable. Your shoulders still shuddered a little. He instinctively reached out to wrap you into his arms, but stopped halfway – you wouldn’t accept him, not now. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. Words came out hard. “I’m not expecting you’d ever forgive me… I lied about the dog…”

No matter how wrong everything turned out just a while ago, internally you felt the need of having him beside. The fact that he came after you, that he found you here in the middle of the night meant he didn’t wish to leave this matter unresolved. Neither did you. You were ready to forgive him just for that.

Uncertainly, you turned to face him. A short woeful glance – and you lowered your head, embarrassed of how ugly, unattractive you might’ve looked.

“The forbidden corridor. That’s where I’ve been,” Snape continued. “The dog bit me, when I tried to find out who was after the stone…” His thoughts seemed to twist together into a confused mass – there was so much he wanted to say, but couldn’t put into words. “I lied to protect you! Keeping you safe – that was my only motivation. And this letter... the moment you saw the inscription… I worried about you! If you needed any sort of help, you could always count on me – that’s all I actually wanted you to know,” he sighed despondently. “I have no excuse for those words, I can’t explain why I had to say it. Of course, you don’t have to – Merlin… I’m bringing it up again…”

Shocked, overwhelmed with gratitude, yet hopeless, demolished with guilt – overflown with emotions – you threw yourself onto his chest.

“If I tell you, you’ll never want to look at me again,” you whined desperately. “You’ll despise me!”

You felt his hands land mildly on your shoulders, as he drew you closer.

“I swear – whatever you say, it won’t change my attitude towards you,” Snape promised quietly, his heart bleeding out.

“Oh yes, it will! It will, Snape!” you sobbed, clutching at his robes. You were so afraid of losing him, but now it seemed to be inevitable.

Without words, he pressed you tighter to himself and rested his chin on top of your head. He would hold you in his arms as long as you needed to calm down.

Tiny forks of flame continued dancing on the candlewicks, lightening two motionless figures merged into one another.

Realizing it couldn’t last forever, you pulled back a little, slipping out of Snape’s hold. Wrecked, emotionally drained, you stood before him utterly exposed. It was pointless to worry what he might think about your swollen face with tears smeared all over any more – another few minutes, and he would never turn his head in your direction.

“Come here,” Snape walked you to the armchair, his voice as soft as his touch. The man’s attention made you want to cry again, and your lips twitched. “Here we go,” he helped you sit, so carefully, as if you were not able to do it yourself and took place on the other armchair, opposite to yours.

“If you still want me to leave – I will…”

You vigorously shook your head.

“Okay… We don’t need to talk, you know. Let’s just sit here for a while…”

“It’s a long story,” you warned him apathetically, resigned with the worst outcome, which was now not to be avoided. What was the sense of delaying it?

“We have enough time till the morning,” Snape smiled mildly, but you didn’t answer.

“Before coming to Hogwarts, I was working in the Scientific Wizarding Assembly. You know it, I suppose.”

He nodded.

“I quitted because my boss was an asshole. He stole my research results. No credit of course. I was so pissed, I wanted to take the shit out of him.”

Snape listened attentively, his eyes fixed on you.

“I falsified some data, hoping he’d screw up. But he just gave it a go! Without testing!” your voice trembled. “Six men were injured severely, two men died! I didn’t mean that, Snape…” tears streamed down your cheeks. You covered your face with your palms, “I had no intention to harm someone…” you wept.

Snape frowned, deep in thought. “Do you still have this letter? May I have a look?”

His question surprised you. You’d expect anything, but this! You weakly came up to your working place, picked the creased sheet of paper and handed it to Snape, who followed you to your desk. You sagged back into the armchair, while he remained standing, intently studying the content.

“That’s where hurt pride and ambitions led me…” you sighed grievously, “…to Azkaban… I deserve this…”

“Stop it. No Azkaban.” His tone so firm, so resolute – the one hard not to believe.

“He says he’s going to imprison me…”

“Just words. Did you answer him?”

“Not yet.”

“Good.” The letter in his hands, Snape slowly strode across the room back and forth, his eyes running through the lines, and yours following his every movement. “So the accident happened after your dismissal.”

You nodded.

“They used your materials without contacting you,” he specified, and you nodded again.

“They carried no tests before bringing your data in operation,” Snape continued summing up the facts.

“He didn’t say it,” you sniffled, “but it’s evident according to the consequences.”

“It is,” he agreed. “Was it an accomplished piece of work?”

“Yes,” you sighed.

“Signed or officially approved any other way?”

“No.”

“It is not valid,” he gave you an encouraging smirk. “Ignore this man. Do not answer his letters. Especially – don’t try to exonerate yourself. The case will be investigated, we don’t need unwanted details to be revealed, do we?”

“But people died, Snape!” you exclaimed, bursting into tears again.

He carelessly threw the damned piece of paper aside and hurried to comfort you.

“It’s not your fault,” sitting on the edge of the armchair, he leaned forward and took your hands in his. “It’s not your fault, don’t blame yourself.”

“You’re not disappointed? Not disgusted?” you looked at him in disbelief.

“I have no reason to be,” he tightened his grip to let you know he really meant it.

��I’m sorry, Snape… I’m so sorry for throwing stupid reproaches you in the face,” you cried, unable and unwilling to hold back.

“It’s okay,” his quiet deep voice caressed your ears, while his hands caressed yours.

“I do trust you! I do! Truly! Entirely!” eyes locked on his, you desperately tried to see if he believed you.

Snape smiled sadly. “There are still many things I can’t tell you.”

“Yeah… I bet,” you gasped for air to even your breathing. “Maybe someday?”

“Maybe someday…” he reassured.

Relieved, untensed, you both sat in silence for a while.

“Snape?” you called him in barely a whisper.

“Hm?” his detached glance regained meaningfulness, as he raised his head to look at you.

“May I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead.” Although the serious tone of yours suggested it would be tough, Snape couldn’t reject you at this point.

“But promise to be honest with this one?”

Your eyes full of hope, would he dare to betray them?

“You’re putting me in a difficult position,” not very happy with available options, Snape sniggered bitterly.

“Please? Just one answer to just one question.”

“Okay,” he agreed.

“Have you ever done really bad things?” you asked, peering him in the eyes.

Calculating, what would damage your relationship more – if he lied or if he told the truth, doomed, Snape dropped his head. And this already was the answer.

“Don’t…” you stopped him, not willing to force the man so dear to you to say it aloud. “I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry…”

“I have,” he admitted. “Really – bad – things.” It took him all his courage to look at you again.

You’ve never thought you’d ever be so happy to hear a thing like that. You freed one hand from his grip and put it atop.

“Whatever it is,” you smiled gratefully, “my attitude towards you wouldn’t change.”

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