#and i think it's because of how bad helene was in such an unexpected way

[battleaxeproficiency]

genuinely so scared about the hurricane about to hit Florida <3 the west coast was devastated beyond recognition in Helene and now getting hit with ANOTHER cat 3 not even a full 2 weeks later? I'm going to kill myself .

and like . I'm from central Florida which generally speaking is one of the safest parts of FL to be in during a hurricane . but after what happened to the south in Helene I keep having this horrible sinking feeling that I'm going to get home and everything's going to be ruined . I love having an anxiety disorder !!!!!!!!

[lookninjas]

Pick a song from a bad description! You do not have to recognize any of the songs on the poll. Go for whatever sounds most fun, or whatever strikes you as funny. Whatever matches your current need for horns and/or interesting synths. How much you feel like committing to the bit. Just pick a song.

At the end of the week, I will make a playlist of all the songs in the poll, going from the song with the least number of votes to the song with the highest number of votes. If you would like to hear the playlist when it's done, leave a comment or say it in your reblog or put it in the tags or something. I will tag you when it is finished.

And please reblog the poll! I've said it before, but this really is my way of passing a little mixtape around tumblr so I can share it with people. So let's keep the mixtapes moving.

(Also, one of the songs references Asheville, so I'm just going to put a link to the Appalachian Helene Response Fund right here. Because it feels appropriate. )

[the-fandom-is-now-my-life]

A bouquet of feelings

Aether is doing his weekly commissions, how curious that all of them require flowers. Still too unaware of how it could be misunderstood he does through his day.

Wc: 1.7K

+ a mini drawing

Checking the tasks on the board Aether gasps pleasantly surprised “ oh! If we do these requests we can be free by 6 pm!”

“And you can go on your date~~ we already know” paimon floats around his head, swimming in annoyance at how repetitive aether has been the last week. ‘I'm finally going on a date with YN’ yeah, because they asked, you coward; ‘I made sure to reserve a nice table at good hunter’, there are only three tables, there aren't many to choose from. Even then she can find his boyish smile and unexpected pep on his step cute, the traveler's first love~.

“Oh? What do we have to do? Don't even think about making paimon make another sausage or beacon, or Paimon is going on a strike!” just thinking about mixing for hours the meat with salt and spices and pipping it in the casing manually already made her small hands hurt.

“no, no, we just have to deliver some flowers, see” he points to the first three requests, one asking for 3 mist flower to try on a new wine, 10 sweet flowers for Helen and 5 cecilias for Albert”

“ That seems easy enough! Do we have enough in the backpack?” she drapes herself on his shoulder to peep inside, soon after she holds the bundles of flowers that when held together they look like a bouquet, the brightest blue drowned on white petals of the cecilias and a few dashes of yellow from the sweet flowers “yep! Let's go!”

Aether soon snatches the bouquets and goes on his way.

Request 1: Helen needs sweet flower x10 for a tea for her sore throat.

Dashing past Flora's shop aether is able to see Helen on her balcony, reading a music sheet for her next song

“Miss bard, we got the sweet flowers!” Paimon yelps underneath, catching her attention.

“ Ah! Thanks traveler, can you pass them to me?” Helen leans forward and downwards to grab them but isn't even close to where Aether is, even when he tiptoes.

Getting the sudden idea, he jumps as he steps on the wall, just high enough to where he could grab one of the columns of her railing and pull himself up, now Helen could grab her flowers, with her hoarse voice she smiles and tosses a pouch with mora “thanks traveler, here is your reward’

Paimon thinks sweetly, already tasting the roasted pork or the sweet Madam ‘one request done, two left~ ♪’

But that wasn't what just happened in Flora's and Donna's eyes

“ Did you see that? He just hung from the railing to give her a bouquet, like a forbidden lover” Donna chats with Flora, who is as interested as her.

“ And then she whispered something to him before giving him something, could it be that they are dating?”

Request 2: Albert needs cecilia x5 for a gift

As usual Albert was waiting on one of the sides of the church, nervously pulling his sleeves and his lips moving without saying a word, rehearsing a speech.

“Hey! Albert!” From the top of the stairs he calls out for him, swinging the white bouquet trying to get his attention. Soon after his arm and himself are being yanked to a corner away from the nuns, who already noticed the two men but didn't comment on it more than a few curious gazes.

The blond fanboy snatches the beautiful bouquet “Keep it down! Everyone can see you” he whispers at him, poking his head to see if the nuns were watching.

“I don't think they are going to tell Barbara… at worst they may get the knights involved” Paimon's squeaky voice teases.

“Hum! Not everything I do is because of Barbara, you know?”

“Oh, my bad”

“Either way you think she would like them?” his cheeks catch a bit of color and Paimon can't help but sighs at him

“Ugh… yeah, sure, they are pretty but doesn't she like philanemo mushrooms?”

“Those ugly things?! How could you- wait it could make sense! She managed to find beauty in such an ugly thing~ typical of our Barbara" he grabs the bouquet, thinking of adding a few of those ugly mushrooms between the delicate and beautiful flowers "If she likes them I should give that to her, then. But where do they grow?”

“You better get another reward ready if you expect us to also give you philanemo mushrooms too!” paimon yaps over aether's shoulder as he scratches his neck and he looks inside the backpack.

“ No, we gave our last to Mona”

“Oh… My confession…”

“ Well! Then we can escort him to the dawn winery and pick up some fresh ones! And we also get paid for it too!”

“ The next request is at the winery either way so it wouldn't be too far off”

After thinking it for a second Albert nods and walks alongside aether to dawn winery, each holding a different bouquet, Albert the cecilia one meant for Barbara and aether holding a bundle of mist flower for the next request.

°•°

The sweet Madam stands on the table half eaten, both legs and breasts cut off and one thigh on the chicken and another on aether's plate. E

“ So, uhm” you attempt to ask him about the bouquets or his date with Albert or if he has a hidden relationship with Helen or why he accepted this date or even maybe if there was a bouquet for you. But now seeing him perk up at your voice like a bunny didn't really cause the same cuteness aggression as usual. “ Nothing. Don't mind me. Actually I'm not feeling too good, I think I'm going to pay and leave” a hand falls over your stomach, as if you wanted him to buy the story.

Soon after you pay and start walking to your house, sighing in defeat he goes to pay his part Sara passive aggressively teases him.

“having more than one boyfriend or girlfriend is hard, huh?” Her smile thin and stiff as she counts the mora “don't feel too bad, most people your age hardly have one lover, three would be too much”

“ Three lovers?” Aether asks, confused if anything he only wanted one! You!

“ Oh, c'mon, with how forward you were this morning, all of Mondstadt already knows.” She writes down the sweet madam you two shared and the payment “Who would have thought Albert would let Barbara go and get a proper lover, good for him. I was getting worried he wouldn't grow out of idol crushes and live alone”

“ But I'm not dating anyone…”

She looks up, equally confused “ but the bouquets you were giving to people this morning?”

“ Those were requests”

She stops for a second, a little O forming between her lips, as she looks at him her only advice was ‘Then I would hurry to clean that misunderstanding up, boy’

His pink and plush lip is now trapped between his teeth, something that Paimon only ever saw when they were exploring the chasm and a boulder suddenly blocked the entrance, forcing him to find a way out. The whole 4 hours that took his bottom lip was firmly between his teeth and soon after split in half and showing an ugly scab for a few months.

Quickly turning around and sprinting outside the town, Paimon flops around like a fish fresh out of water as he holds her hand.

“Slow down! what is all that hurry for?!”

Halting cold on his tracks he turns around and holds Paimon's shoulders, his eyes blown wide.

“I have only wanted two things since I came here. To find my sister and for YN to give me an honest chance. The first one doesn't seem close yet, and I might be about to ruin the second one so help me make the best bouquet possible” His caramel eyes showed such a determination that could only be overshadowed by the warm glow of a pyro vision.

“Alright?”

°•°

Some things have to be exact and round, is what you love to think. The quantity of pillars around the Knight's headquarters should be even, or at the very least the first flower bed whenever you enter mondstadt, it should be lined with the flow of the street and not off by a visible enough amount.

Event then there are concessions you are willing to make, flower beds can have an uneven number of each pair, and fruit weight doesn't have to be on the dot (as much as it hurts to see the 2.7 grams away from the perfect 100grs) and now it's perfectly reasonable to roughly estimate the hour. It's four am you guess, maybe in another situation you would have noted the time exactly to the minute but hearing the panicked banging on your door that is an estimation you are willing to make.

“Who is there?”

“Aether. Can we speak?”

Sighing but still giving in you start the planned explanation “Look, I didn't know you were already dating, it was too embarrassingly to admit-”

“ No, wait, just have this and then you can reject me after” he pushes a big bouquet against your chest, a soft scent emanating out of it, both sweet and floral, and a refreshing feeling to the touch of the freshly cut mist flowers.

Seeing you stunted enough to not speak immediately he starts rambling “ I know it looked weird, and I fully understand if you don't believe me or what I'm saying now, but I assure you those weren't flowers like because of love, UHM this is but not the ones I gave-”

A light shushing slips from your lips stopping him in his tracks and you touch his shoulder “I see I misjudged your actions. It's pretty late to let you. Why don't you let me prepare some coffee for you and your company and pick up from where we left?” Aether can't nod fast enough as he is slowly coerced inside to your sofa, his stomach bubbling with a mixture of nerves and puppy crush.

[sandcobangevent]

Art by @tsukihasnolife Story by @scoobydoo-ghoulschool Read it on AO3!

INT. WATSON’S ROOM

JOHN Hello, Hello, Hello! It’s Doc Watson here to uh- or just John, John is fine too. Um, but I am here to share another spine chilling case with you lovely listeners. This was a dark one folks, so be cautious. Warnings for death, a couple of those, uh parental abuse, some light usage of the S word, and one inflammatory F bomb by yours truly. If none of that is enough to scare you off, well then, good luck and enjoy the adventure of the Speckled Band.

AUDIO CUT

INT. WATSON’S ROOM

Door opens with a bang.

SHERLOCK Your presence is required in the living room.

John gasps awake. Sherlock removes John’s bed covers.

JOHN Huh? What?

SHERLOCK We have a client. In the living room. Ms. Hudson informed me at 6:45, I let you sleep an extra half hour but you really must be up now.

John yawns.

JOHN It’s 7:15? And you’re awake?

SHERLOCK (darkly) Like I said, Ms. Hudson woke me.

JOHN Alright, alright, uh- let me just get some trousers on.

Sherlock moves to leave.

JOHN (CONT.) Hold on, is that my microphone?

SHERLOCK I assumed you’d want it.

JOHN (pleasantly surprised) Well, uh, yes, thank you.

SHERLOCK You’re welcome. Now come along, Ms. Hudson is bringing up tea.

Intro music plays

INT. 221B BAKER STREET - LIVING ROOM

John enters the living room, trousers successfully retrieved.

JOHN Hello there. John Watson, nice to meet you.

HELEN (quietly) Helen Stoner.

John takes a seat.

JOHN So you're a fan of the podcast?

HELEN Sorry, what?

JOHN Oh I just- the Sherlock & Co podcast. It’s my, well, part of our business. I assumed that’s how you found us.

HELEN No, uh I found you on Reddit actually. r/Holmes. I read about a case with these missing opals, from the account FarintoshRed. I thought Mr. Holmes might be able to help me too.

SHERLOCK I vaguely remember the name Farintosh, the opal tiara even more. Now Ms. Stoner what is it that brings you all the way from Surrey this early in the morning?

HELEN I- Did someone tell you I was coming?

SHERLOCK The return ticket is sticking out of your purse.

HELEN (nervously) Oh, right.

Mariana enters the room.

MARIANA I have several cups of very caffeinated tea and a couple of day-old scones. They're only half rock hard.

JOHN Ah, Mariana, you're an angel.

SHERLOCK Yes, thank you. Although I’d prefer something a little stronger than caffeine…

JOHN Not this early in the morning, please. I’d at least like to keep the substance abuse to an afternoon activity.

MARIANA (to Helen) You can just ignore them.

HELEN Um, thanks.

SHERLOCK So early train, and by the mud on your coat, a taxi before with an unexpected rain shower. A little dangerous to be out by yourself before the sun's up. I assume you took this trip without permission?

MARIANA (whispered to Sherlock) Sherlock, that's a little patronizing.

SHERLOCK It would be if our client wasn’t a teenager.

JOHN (also whispered to Sherlock) Mate she’s got grey hair.

HELEN No he’s right, I’m 17.

JOHN Oh! I’m- God, sorry I just didn’t. Blimey.

HELEN I get that sort of reaction a lot. The hair’s genetic or something. My sister had it too. But that’s sort of why I’ve come. Not because of my hair but um… My 18th birthday’s in a couple weeks and… I think maybe I might be dead before then.

MARIANA (tentatively) And… why do you think that?

HELEN Because it happened to my sister, 2 years ago.

Pause.

HELEN (CONT.) I live with my step father, Greg Roylott, uh in this old family estate of his, Stoke Moran. My mum married him when my sister and I were both two. And you know, everything was fine, we were a totally normal family, but when my mum died, when we were about eight, uh, well Greg got really depressed. We were all torn up about it, but he… he could get really, really angry. The last couple of years my sister and I had to get him out of a lot of bad situations. Julia- my sister, she had a really hard time with it. Kids at school could get pretty nasty about it all, and I mean everyone in our village talks. It was a lot, still is a lot. But she decided, two years ago, that she'd had enough. She snuck off one night to stay with one of my mum's old friends, Honoria Westphail, for a couple of weeks.

SHERLOCK And you stayed?

HELEN Greg is- he's the only father I've ever known. I thought you know- everyone deals with grief differently, if I just gave him enough time... He never touched me or Julia.

SHERLOCK But Julia ran away.

HELEN Yeah, and not just. Ms. Westphail was helping her file for emancipation. We were both 15, and she didn't even have a bank account yet, but she wanted to get as far away from Greg as possible. She needed the money from our mother's inheritance.

SHERLOCK Which neither of you receive until your 18th birthday.

JOHN Or you're legally declared independent.

HELEN Right. But then Greg, he, well he reached out to Julia, said he wanted to make amends, that he'd been talking with people, trying to get better. I thought he was telling the truth, I mean at that point it had been weeks since he'd gotten into a fight in town, or come home drunk from the pub.

Helen pauses.

HELEN (CONT.) (voice choked) I convinced Julia to come back when he asked her over for dinner.

MARIANA If you want to take a moment-

Helen sniffs.

HELEN No it's- I can keep going. Dinner went fine, I mean Julia and Greg were never the closest, but you could tell he was trying. He didn't even bring up the whole emancipation dealings. We all went to bed around the same time, but Julia had come into my room complaining of a headache pretty soon after that. Greg likes smoking these Indian cigars before bed, and Julia and his rooms have connected ventilation, and she, uh, was always sensitive to smells like that. I didn’t mind the company, there was this awful storm going on outside, and in a house as old as ours, it gets kind of spooky.

JOHN Old manor house on a dark and stormy night? I bet.

HELEN Exactly. And um, Julie only stayed for a bit but- she asked me if I'd heard any whistling at night while she’d been gone. Like a tea kettle going off, I remember her describing it. It was such a weird question, and I know I hadn't heard anything like it before, but like I said the house is really old, and we don't have the money for many repairs. I just told her it had to be some drafty part of the house. I don’t think she actually ever believed me… and then uh, that's when she went back to her room. I watched her lock her door.

SHERLOCK Did you both routinely lock your doors at night?

HELEN Yeah, force of habit I guess. When we were younger we were always scared the Cheetah or Baboon would escape in the middle of the night.

Weighted Pause.

JOHN Er- Cheetah and Baboon?

HELEN Sorry, yeah, Greg's dad, back in the 80's was mad obsessed with India I guess? He lived there for a while, and he decided to like- make an attraction of the old Manor. There used to be a pretty massive menagerie of Indian wildlife attached to the house. Honestly it's why Greg had no money coming into the marriage with my mum. His dad spent it all. These days all that's left are the Cheetah and Baboon. Just one more reason for people to talk, you know?

MARIANA I can imagine...

SHERLOCK So the door was locked.

Helen takes a deep breath.

HELEN I woke up to her screaming. It was- I've never heard anything like that scream. Then there it was, a whistle, like a tea kettle, and uh then this large metal clang, and it shocked me enough I was able to get myself out of bed.

SHERLOCK The locked door-?

HELEN She was able to open it herself. That’s how I found her, the door opened before I got to it. She was- her eyes were bulging, and I could- I could see the veins in her forehead. The storm had knocked out the power by then but she was holding her phone flashlight. I- I caught her there, in the hallway. She fell into my arms and I could tell she couldn’t breath, she couldn’t- but she managed to tell me “Helen! It was the band! The speckled band!” That’s how Greg found us, I don’t remember much after. I think he tried to do CPR, and I called 999… She was dead before they got there.

MARIANA (very sincerely) I am so sorry.

Helen continues as if she hasn’t heard.

HELEN I was… shell shocked. Everyone was pointing fingers at our step-dad, and even then I couldn’t, I couldn’t really believe. The windows of her room are barred, the fireplace was bricked up, the door was locked. There’s nothing he could have done to her.

JOHN The coroner couldn’t find anything? No foul play, no poison in her system?

HELEN I know they did a thorough search, like I said everyone was sure Greg had something to do with it. There wasn’t anything. Eventually they marked it down as a “cerebral embolism”.

Helen gives a very sharp laugh

HELEN (CONT.) She was 15!

Heavy pause. Helen collects herself.

SHERLOCK This all happened two years ago, you’ve had time to doubt him, to look for help elsewhere- but something changed recently. Ms. Stoner, what happened?

HELEN Last week, Greg said that- there was some work around my room that needed to be done. Structural stuff that needed to be fixed. He moved me into Julia’s bedroom and- (Helen takes a shuddering breath) I heard the whistle. Last night, Mr. Holmes, I heard the whistle again.

AUDIO CUT

Interlude music plays briefly.

INT. 221A BAKER STREET - MARIANA’S OFFICE

MARIANA I’ll make sure she gets to the train station alright. I have a bad feeling about leaving her alone.

JOHN Thank you, Mariana… God I can’t- doesn’t this feel a little wrong? That we’re her last line of defense I mean?

MARIANA I suppose, it is frustrating that it’s taken all this for something to be done. But there’s no one I trust more than Sherlock to help her. She only has us, but at least it’s us.

JOHN Right. No you’re right.

Pause.

MARIANA I’ll see you in a bit.

JOHN Be safe.

The front door to 221 Baker Street opens. The sounds of the street filter in. The door closes and it is quiet once more.

JOHN (to the listeners) So, we’ve taken the case. Obviously. There’s still a part of me that can’t quite believe it, but well- it was hard to say anything but yes.

John enters the flat.

INT. 221B BAKER STREET - LIVING ROOM

JOHN I’ve got us train tickets leaving in an hour. You better start packing.

SHERLOCK I’ve already finished. I’ve got noise canceling headphones, my pistol and my toothbrush.

JOHN (john laughs) Ah, planning on shooting your mouth off then?

SHERLOCK (baffled) What? No, of course not.

JOHN No its- it’s a joke from M*A*S*H. Ya know- Frank took his gun and his toothbrush, there he goes shooting his mouth off again… I’m realizing, suddenly, this was one of my more obscure references so I am… going to stop.

SHERLOCK Good.

Pause. John takes a deep breath in.

JOHN You don't think we're being pranked do you? I mean, that was all- a little mad. I mean the Cheetah and Baboon detail? It sounds like something that would go viral on TikTok.

SHERLOCK You’re only saying that because she’s 17. It was the truth, every detail of it, there's no doubt in my mind. Besides, the Indian menagerie in Surrey is about the easiest detail to corroborate, here look.

Sherlock hands over his phone.

JOHN “They Bought a Zoo Before it was Cool: the sordid tale of Surrey’s oldest family and their lost fortune” Jeeze, okay. So not a TikTok prank then.

John sighs.

JOHN (CONT.) Maybe I just don't want to imagine someone willing to kill a 15 year old girl. I mean… why?

SHERLOCK Why else Watson? Money. In both instances, Julia’s emancipation, and Helen’s 18th birthday, he loses the money from their mother’s inheritance.

Pause.

JOHN You don't think Helen was lying about Roylott not... not hitting them do you?

SHERLOCK (carefully) No, she was telling the truth there too, I assume that would leave too much evidence for the courts. There are other ways to keep someone under control...

JOHN Well Roylott better hope we don't meet up with him anytime soon, I swear I see his face and it's one, two lights out.

SHERLOCK You may be getting that wish sooner than later.

JOHN What do you mean?

SHERLOCK Greg Roylott is on our front stoop-

The downstairs door slams open. Muffled yelling. Heavy footsteps.

JOHN Oh God, I forgot to lock it when Mariana left.

SHERLOCK (harshly) Get back from the door. The heavy footsteps approach faster.

JOHN Well this one is locked- The door to 221B is thrown open with a crash.

JOHN Shit!

DR. ROYLOTT Where is she? Where the Hell is my daughter?!

JOHN Sir you can't just barge in here-!

DR. ROYLOTT Which one of you is Holmes?

SHERLOCK That would be me, but I'm afraid you have the advantage, I don't know you.

DR. ROYLOTT Dr. Gregory Roylott, as if you don't know you slippery bastard.

SHERLOCK Of course Doctor, please have a seat. We were just finishing our morning tea.

DR. ROYLOTT I'm not here for tea, my step-daughter's been here. I tracked her phone so don't try and lie Holmes. She was here not 4 minutes ago.

JOHN Now hold on-

SHERLOCK You know, it is a little cold for this time of the year.

JOHN (under his breath) What?

DR. ROYLOTT What's she said to you?!

SHERLOCK But I have heard we'll be getting an early spring, the crocuses are close to blooming. I have a feeling it's going to be quite lovely.

DR. ROYLOTT Oh come off it, I know what you’re doing! I looked you up online, you're a couple of con artists looking to make a buck off my girl, huh? Put her on your bloody podcast right? She's 17, what are two men of your age doing letting her into your flat? I could have the police-

Sherlock laughs. It goes on longer than it should.

SHERLOCK Your conversational skills are entertaining, when you leave, mind closing the door. Like I said, it is cold for this time of the year.

Pause. Dr. Roylott chuckles darkly.

DR. ROYLOTT Alright, have it your way. But hear this, stay away from my girl, I'm a man of means, I wouldn't take my threats lightly gentleman.

Dr. Roylott turns to leave.

JOHN (very sarcastically) Great meeting you Mr. Roylott.

DR. ROYLOTT It’s Dr. Roylott to you.

JOHN Yeah well, it’s Dr. Watson to you, you pratt.

Dr. Roylott leaves. The door is slammed with tremendous force.

John lets out a very relieved sigh.

Sherlock laughs again.

SHERLOCK Fine fellow, we’ll have to have him round again.

JOHN (not paying attention) I think he broke the door hinges!

SHERLOCK I suppose it’s best it didn’t come to anything physical, but I’m fairly certain I could have taken him. He lagged slightly to the right.

JOHN (still not paying attention) He definitely broke the door.

SHERLOCK Grab your stuff Watson, I think it’s time we were on our way as well.

JOHN You know I’ll have to call Mariana about this.

AUDIO CUT

INT. LONDON WATERLOO TRAIN STATION

The noises of a busy train station. The intermingling of engines, voices, and footsteps.

JOHN Yeah, I know- clear off the hinges. Forced the lock through the door frame- (pause) Alright. Thanks Mariana. Yep. Yeah. Talk soon, bye. (to Sherlock) The whole door’s gonna have to be replaced, can you believe that?

SHERLOCK Yes, I think you’ve mentioned it once or twice now.

JOHN Sorry, I’m just coming to the realization I live in a world where a man can literally break down my door in one go.

John sighs. A distant intercom plays.

JOHN (NARRATING) I suppose now is as good a time as any for some shout outs. I’m still new to Tumblr but the community on there has been nothing but supportive, so I’ve some awesome people I’d like to mention from there. So special hello to @tsukihasnolife who I’ve already commissioned to do some incredible art for this episode. We’ve also got @eardefenders, @starfruitsomething and @littleoceanbabe who I hear are all working hard on a flash bang for other fans of Sherlock & Co. Not sure what a flash bang is, but I appreciate the publicity and support! And lets see maybe some people from Twitter or er X now-

SHERLOCK Watson the train.

JOHN Oh God, yeah. Uh, bye! Thanks again.

AUDIO CUT

INT. UBER

The car drives alone on the road, engine humming softly.

JOHN We are back in Surrey listeners, you may remember the last time we were here was for the case of the Solitary Cyclist. (to Sherlock) You know maybe we should check in with Violet-

SHERLOCK I sincerely doubt Ms. Carruthers would enjoy seeing us Waston. We were at least slightly culpable in her brother's outburst.

JOHN (muttered) I wasn't the one with the gun. (John coughs) But Uh- yeah, yeah that's probably for the best.

DRIVER So where are you guys headed exactly?

SHERLOCK (in his just-one-of-the-mates voice) Stoke Moran, I've heard it's a real piece of work.

DRIVER Yeah, the place should be demolished if you ask me, it’s a death trap.

SHERLOCK Well that's why we're here, come to make a couple of estimates for the bloke who lives up there.

DRIVER Fair warning mate, lots of contractors have been through there. The Doctor, Roylott, he doesn't have the money to pay.

SHERLOCK Really? Big family estate like that with no money?

JOHN Sherlock, look-

SHERLOCK Sorry, would you mind stopping here?

DRIVER We're still a mile out-

JOHN We like the fresh air, thanks for the ride. Uh- five stars!

John and Sherlock exit the car. The car drives off.

EXT. THE GROUNDS OF STOKE MORAN

JOHN That is Helen over there isn't it?

SHERLOCK (in his normal voice) Yes. Probably best we catch her here, I don't want to get too close to the house until we're sure the good Doctor is nowhere near. (voice raised) Ms. Stoner!

Sherlock and John walk to catch up with Helen. Helen approaches, slightly out of breath.

HELEN Hi. I was hoping I’d catch your car on the way in.

SHERLOCK We had a visit with your step-father this morning, just after you left.

HELEN (taken off guard) What but I- he’s barely ever up by 11, and no one would have told him-

SHERLOCK You’re phone Ms. Stoner, I’m afraid he’s been tracking your phone. I would suggest checking your settings for the parental controls he installed without your knowledge.

HELEN If he knows that I- that I came to you-

SHERLOCK If he makes any motion to harm you Ms. Stoner we will personally escort you to Ms. Westphail’s house tonight. But I doubt with the way things are turning out he will try anything that obvious.

JOHN Like busting down a door.

HELEN What?!

Sherlock clears his throat pointedly.

SHERLOCK We’re getting ourselves a room at the village Inn, we have no intention of leaving you alone. Now Ms. Stoner is it possible we could enter the house undetected? I would very much like to see your sister and Dr. Roylott’s rooms.

HELEN Yeah, yeah I can manage that. He had work in London today, I thought- anyway he won’t be back till this evening.

SHERLOCK Lead the way Ms. Stoner

AUDIO CUT

EXT. STOKE MORAN

JOHN (out of breath) We are just now approaching the manor. It's uh- it really is something to see. Which since you can't see listeners, you'll have to take my word for it. Stoke Moran is uh grey, and big. Uh- I can do better than that, hold on. It's... lichen-blotched stone, with a high central portion and two curving wings, like the... claws of a crab. Sort of. Like if a crab had its pincers raised, you know? The left crab claw has broken windows blocked with wooden boards, and the roof is partly caved in, a uh picture of ruin. The middle bit- the body I guess? It’s in okay shape, it’s got some large observation windows near the ground floor. The right-claw looks to be the only section of the house that's still livable. Pretty modern, at least it's got blinds in the windows, and appears to be standing on its own.

HELEN What’s he doing?

SHERLOCK Narrating. He does it when he’s nervous.

JOHN I do it because a podcast is an auditory experience. Can’t exactly wave a camera around to show them- hold on, what’s this over here?

HELEN Oh I wouldn’t-

An animal screeches, a mammal howl, and it slams itself into its glass walled enclosure.

John screams.

The microphone falls. Helen and Sherlock break out into surprised laughter.

HELEN (through laughter) That's the menagerie. Sorry.

The Baboon calls out softly through the glass. There's rustling as John quickly retrieves the microphone.

Sherlock and Helen continue to laugh.

JOHN Seriously, how is this even legal?

AUDIO CUT

INT. STOKE MORAN MANOR - JULIA'S ROOM

A door creaks open slowly. Helen, Sherlock and John enter the room, footsteps echoing loudly.

HELEN So this is- this is Julia’s room. Mine’s just next door to the right, and then to the left is Greg’s room.

SHERLOCK And this is where you’re currently staying because of the restoration work?

HELEN Yes.

Sherlock walks around the room.

SHERLOCK These bed drapes- were they Julia’s?

HELEN Uh- no. No they weren’t really her taste. I think Greg had them put up when she was living with Ms. Westphail.

JOHN (darkly) He seems to have a habit of making living decisions for you.

Sherlock steps up onto the bed, bed springs squeal.

JOHN (CONT.) (pained) Sherlock, your shoes on the bed-

SHERLOCK (ignoring John) This ventilator, right above the bed, does it work?

HELEN Oh that, no, at least not since I’ve moved in. It’s completely freezing here at night.

SHERLOCK Interesting for such a recent refurbishment. Do you remember when this was installed?

HELEN Uh- it- it actually may have been around the same time as Greg hung the bed drapes. When Julia was gone.

Sherlock jumps down from the bed.

SHERLOCK I think I’ve seen enough here. Would you mind leading us to your step-father’s room?

HELEN Sure, like I said, It’s right next door.

Helen, Sherlock and John leave the room.

INT. STOKE MORAN MANOR - DR. ROYLOTT’S ROOM

The door to Roylott’s room opens. John gives a low whistle.

JOHN Well. This is- something.

HELEN Yeah, it’s a lot. Mostly stuff he inherited from his dad.

JOHN For our listeners, the Doctor has, well lots of… collectables lets say, I am presuming from India. Almost every wall and shelf is covered in Hindu icon paintings and sculptures.

SHERLOCK Murtis, not icons. They’re meant to be used in homes and temples for worship. Not... as collectables.

JOHN Yeah, so- it’s extremely distasteful. Not like I needed another reason to dislike this guy. Besides all of the uh- memorabilia in the Doctor’s room, there’s this massive safe- and uh, a bowl of milk is set on top. Helen, do you happen to have a cat around here?

HELEN (pause) No. I’m allergic.

JOHN Could be for the Cheetah, maybe?

SHERLOCK Perhaps… Helen, is it your step father that deals with the animals?

HELEN Er, not really. He feeds em, but he stays out of their enclosures. Honestly he doesn’t pay much attention to them these days. He’s got a vet who comes to see them every couple months or so- but she comes by with her own equipment.

Sherlock moves further into the room.

SHERLOCK Have you ever seen him use this?

HELEN No. What is that?

SHERLOCK It’s a catch pole. Normally these are used by professionals in animal control.

HELEN Right- well maybe the vet left it behind last time she was here?

Pause.

SHERLOCK Possibly… Well Ms. Stoner, I have seen what I’ve needed.

HELEN Well, do you know how it happened? How he did it?

SHERLOCK I can’t answer that quite yet. But we will be back tonight. Your old room, you can still comfortably sleep there at the moment?

HELEN (guardedly) I could…

SHERLOCK Good. Tonight, when your step-father falls asleep, shine a light through your bedroom window, and then leave to sleep there. Watson and I will be spending the night in your place. We will see for ourselves what plans he had for you.

AUDIO CUT

Musical interlude.

INT. SURREY INN - JOHN AND SHERLOCK’S ROOM

The room is quiet. John taps absentmindedly at the microphone. It is super annoying.

SHERLOCK You have a question?

JOHN No. Nope, just… thinking.

SHERLOCK (begrudgingly) I’m not certain what it is.

JOHN But you have a pretty good idea.

SHERLOCK I’ve been wrong before.

JOHN (skeptical) Rarely. If ever.

SHERLOCK You have theories I’m sure.

JOHN Not- not really. The new heating vent that doesn't work… that’s unusual, and purposeful. I thought maybe a nerve gas agent-

Sherlock makes a quiet noise of dissent.

JOHN But- I know that makes no sense, so I’ve got nothing. And then there's the whole issue of the speckled band... a clothing item, a poison...

SHERLOCK You’re picking up on the important details.

JOHN So are you going to share with the class what's actually going on?

SHERLOCK We’ll see tonight. Or we won’t.

JOHN (joking) I see how it is, plausible deniability. Can’t be wrong if you don’t say it out loud.

SHERLOCK John.

JOHN Yes?

SHERLOCK I think you should get some sleep before tonight.

JOHN Right, yeah. (pause) You’re not wrong though, whatever you're thinking, I know you’re not wrong.

Pause.

JOHN (CONT.) Goodnight.

Pause. John settles into bed.

SHERLOCK Thank you.

AUDIO CUT

Musical interlude

SHERLOCK Watson. Wake up, Ms. Stoner has given us the signal.

John shifts in bed. He yawns.

JOHN I really hope this isn’t a habit you're developing. Waking me up in the early hours of the morning I mean.

SHERLOCK Come along, Watson, no time to dawdle.

JOHN Dawdle. Funny word, dawdle. Dawdle. dawdle... and now it just sounds fake. (pause) Hang on… where did you get a cane?

AUDIO CUT

EXT. STOKE MORAN

JOHN (out of breath) We are back on the grounds of Stoke Moran, making our way up to the house. And- I am really wishing we could pick cases that didn’t require so much walking in the dark.

SHERLOCK We’re close to the door Helen said she’d leave open for us. Keep quiet, and keep your flashlight down.

JOHN Yep. Yep got it. Uh- aren’t we also close by to the-

Something thumps against the glass wall. Sherlock yelps.

The Baboon gives a howling laugh, tearing away from the window.

Sherlock takes in several gasping breaths. John snickers.

JOHN See? Not so funny when it’s you, the Baboon jumps.

SHERLOCK No. Comment.

John laughs quietly. He moves forward.

JOHN The doors over here by the way.

AUDIO CUT

INT. STOKE MORAN MANOR - JULIA’S ROOM

JOHN So we took a back entrance that Helen showed us early today. We have safely made it into Julia’s old room. So… now we just wait and listen for a whistle I guess.

SHERLOCK I’ll take the bed, under the vent. For your safety, the rocking chair in the corner is best.

JOHN You just don’t want me to accidentally fall asleep on a stake out again.

SHERLOCK (whispered) It is imperative we stay as quiet as possible now.

JOHN (whispered back) Of course.

SHERLOCK Which means we’ll be sitting in silence for a good portion of the night.

JOHN Yeah mate, I know how quiet works.

SHERLOCK I thought a warning might be nice.

JOHN Well, thanks, I appreciate that. (to himself and the microphone) Of all the things he chooses to warn me about and- oh Christ, the listeners, right-

AUDIO CUT

JOHN (whispered) It is… currently four in the morning. We haven’t heard a peep. I don’t know if we scared Roylott off today, or threw him off his game, but I don’t know if it’s happening tonight.

SHERLOCK Watson.

JOHN What? Did you hear something?

SHERLOCK No.

JOHN Alright. Yeah, quiet. I can do quiet.

SHERLOCK Watson...

JOHN Sorry yeah-

SHERLOCK No, listen!

A high pitched whistle blows softly from above.

SHERLOCK Stay back.

JOHN Hold on, let me get my camera light on, I can’t see.

SHERLOCK No, John the vent is opening!

A large CLANG as Sherlock’s cane hits the vent. A hiss, something slithers back through the vent away from them.

Dr. Roylott SCREAMS from the other room.

JOHN (panicked) What on Earth was that?

SHERLOCK We’ll need the light Watson, hurry.

INT. STOKE MORAN - DR. ROYLOTT’S ROOM

Rushed footsteps. A door bursts open.

Roylott moans.

JOHN Fuck! Is that-?

DR. ROYLOTT (strained and slightly slurred) Get it off me!

JOHN A snake, the speckled band was a snake?!

SHERLOCK Hand me the catch pole. By his leg, there!

JOHN Right-

John moves, he grabs the catch pole. Sherlock takes the pole. The snake hisses, Roylott blubbers in panic and pain.

SHERLOCK The safe, open the door to the safe!

JOHN The- oh! There’s a whole terrarium in there.

The snake hisses again. Louder.

SHERLOCK Watson!

JOHN Got it!

The safe is forced open more. Sherlock places the angered snake inside. John closes the safe with a loud METALLIC CLANG.

John gives a sigh of relief. Roylott moans again, and then tumbles to the floor.

DR. ROYLOTT (gasping) It’s- Swamp Adder- the venom- it bit me.

JOHN Oh God, right, okay, just, hold on- Dr. Roylott, I need you to stay calm. (to Sherlock) Call emergency services! He’s going into anaphylactic shock, I can’t-

SHERLOCK (seriously) They won’t have the anti-venom.

JOHN Just call! I don’t- Maybe I can do another tracheotomy, there’s got to be a pen around here, maybe a letter opener.

John stands. He looks frantically for tools to help.

SHERLOCK John-

JOHN I’m thinking!

SHERLOCK John!

JOHN What?!

SHERLOCK He’s dead.

JOHN But he- (pause) His pulse stopped.

SHERLOCK I’ll call now.

JOHN Um- yeah. Okay. (pause) I’ll- I’ll go get Helen. I’ll see if we can get a hold of Ms. Westphail.

Tense pause.

SHERLOCK He did it to himself, John. He did this to Julia, and he was going to do it to Helen.

JOHN (strained) You’re right, yeah. (John sniffs) I’ll go get Helen.

John leaves, the door closes softly behind him.

AUDIO CUT

Musical interlude.

INT. JOHN’S ROOM

JOHN Well folks, that is the end of the case. Say au revoir to the speckled band, which is now, along with the Cheetah and Baboon being safely handled by some animal conservationist group. Apparently cheetahs are a very endangered species so, Roylott was definitely keeping that illegally. Um, as for Helen, she is now happily settled with her aunt. Obviously, this was a bit of a shock for her but… she’s, she’s in a better place now thank God. And Roylott, well you all know how he ended up. I don’t uh- I don't have much else to say other than that. The Swamp Adder venom really-

The door to the bedroom opens. Sherlock walks in.

SHERLOCK Oh, you’re not done yet.

JOHN Nope, just doing the wrap up.

SHERLOCK Do you mind?

JOHN No, come on in. I was just talking about the Swamp Adder.

Pause.

SHERLOCK You know... there’s no such thing.

JOHN What?

SHERLOCK He misidentified the snake, there’s no such thing as a Swamp Adder.

JOHN But we saw it-

SHERLOCK We saw an Indian Saw-Scaled viper, Echis Carinatus if you want to be technical, and while extremely venomous, it is by no means the most venomous snake in India. That would be the Common Krait.

JOHN You know all that, but you couldn’t name one Madonna song last week at the pub?

SHERLOCK Well the next time Madonna gains the ability to inject 12 milligrams of venom into her victims in one bite, then I’ll try my best to remember her discography.

JOHN Right okay, well you heard it here folks, world class detective, violinist, podcast co-host, Sherlock Holmes, can also add snake expert to his list of accomplishments.

SHERLOCK Herpetologist.

JOHN What?

SHERLOCK An expert in reptiles and amphibians, a Herpetologist.

JOHN Okay that- that can’t be real.

AUDIO CUTS. OUTRO MUSIC PLAYS.

END OF PART ONE OF ONE

[fractualized]

And so begins the Knight Terrors interlude for TMWSL! I'd thought maybe we'd get more clues to the which-Joker-is-Joker mystery with this, but this issue opens in the dream, and over in Knight Terrors: First Blood, there's just a small close-up with Joker's face when he becomes afflicted with sleep so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyways spoilers, dark humor, and nightmarish imagery ahead.

The opening scene made me cackle, I found it so unexpected.

LOL Just. The fucking slide. Jesus.

Joker, Gaggy (whose presence may indicate the TMWSL backers are also dreams), and a goon (who is possibly a human stand-in for Jackanapes) confirm that Batman is, in fact, dead.

Aw, no point in the heist now that Batman is unable to stop it, and once again Joker's towing around the corpses of people he cares about.

He brought Bruce into the diner to sit next to him omfg

Earlier Joker laughed about Batman falling off the roof, but now it's sunk in that their epic battle ended forever in the dumbest way possible. Other heroes just don't have the same appeal.

Though Joker does try to keep up the fun.

But when the ship captain says it'll be easy for him to just hand it over…

It's just not the same. :(

PAUSE

I just want to highlight that Joker appears to be eating refried beans and marshmallows.

RESUME

As per usual, without Batman to fight, Joker realizes he doesn't have any other goals. Even Gaggy still has a taste for crime, and he throws the paper at Joker as he leaves.

(Side note: do you think Lex Luthor has shown up on Real Housewives of Metropolis? Like in party scenes or something?)

The Jobs section in the paper apparently spurs Joker to try something new. He goes for a job interview at none other than Wayne Enterprises, and we finally run into Insomnia.

Readers who've read Knight Terrors: First Blood will realize this man is this dream's manifestation of the Bad Guy Who Incited the Event, but if you haven't, just his appearance is a clue that something's not right about him.

But this is Joker's dream, so he doesn't notice anything weird apparently!

He looks like such a goof. 💕

Joker starts off the job by trying to search on his workstation for where all WE's money is or their secret weapons projects or…

….. something "of Bruce Wayne." Which has to be "naked pictures." I don't care if you think batjokes is real or not, that's the obvious fill-in.

We'll never know for sure because of Helen (which was also the name of the nurse in TMWSL #3 who called the cops on Joker at the hospital, and that probably doesn't mean anything, but I remembered it). Joker introduces himself.

(Johann was also a name from the hospital, the dead husband of that patient at the end of TMWSL #4. Which also probably doesn't mean anything but maybe Rosenberg could switch it up with names?)

Now that Batman is gone, it appears that Joker wants to start trouble at Bruce's old company instead. Even when he's trying to get a new purpose, it's still related to fucking with Bruce. Unfortunately for Joker, in a comedic bit about corporate bureaucracy, Helen reveals that their nameless department isn't really responsible for anything important.

A few weeks pass, and Johann becomes known as the office comedian.

But his supervisor does have complaints about his performance.

Joker does not respond well to this bad feedback!

Check out the issue if you want more of a man's head exploding.

The next morning, Joker tries to incite some kind of… uprising? Mass resignation?

Yeah, yeah, end-stage capitalism, we've all seen it, J.

In the regular world, Mr. Dee might be talking to Johann about that brutal murder in the breakroom, but as Joker prepares to take down Mr. Dee as well…

And here's some extra weirdness: Joker didn't start working at WE until after Batman plotzed himself. How has Bruce taken a shine to him?

That job title is killing me.

If you've taken a look at Knight Terrors: Batman, you know that Insomnia claimed that he has no control over where people's dreams go and that he's just going along for the ride. However, Insomnia certainly has control over how he presents, and he's looking for the Nightmare Stone. So I think the promotion he's offering is a careful suggestion to draw Joker deeper into this scenario to see if that's where Doctor Destiny hid the stone.

And it's interesting that Joker still says here that Batman is dead, despite two statements indicating that he's alive. If Batman is still around, that means so is Joker's reason for being. He should jump on this! But the thing is, this dream and TMWSL take place after Joker War, after the batjokes divorce. Batman explicitly abandoned Joker to figure out how to survive on his own, and they haven't seen each other since. In Joker 2021, Joker was implied to have suicidal thoughts. In TMWSL, we have one clown who left Gotham as soon as he returned, and another who was expressly depressed. Batman fucks with the rules of their game and ruins it? He might as well have died "like a %$!@?*& moron."

Insomnia is practically throwing a cue in Joker's face: Batman is still out there to play with! Joker can run out the door right now! Or he can burrow deeper into this new goal, into this dream, and hide from the abandonment. It feels like a test to see if Joker will take Insomnia where he wants to go.

And Joker chooses to burrow. More weeks pass, and now he's the funny(?) boss.

Instead of getting called to HR, he gets invited to drinks!

That guy's WTF, CAROL expression is killing me.

Wait. D'Amico??

That's the name of the doctor who pulled a bullet out of Joker's brain in TMWSL #3! These names can't be an accident at this point. I still don't know if they mean anything, but y'know, they're there.

Alright, so now Joker is at the point where he goes to office happy hours.

And he's not even killing anyone! That's a bad sign. Uh, for Joker, relatively. It's a good sign for anyone else. But who are those shadowy figures?

Our favorite murderclown is back in action, ready to remind any street thug that Gotham is his town!

Oh wait, it's not just any thug. It's Gaggy, who is very surprised to see Joker. Gaggy says he looked for Joker when he heard the rumors that Batman came back, and Joker tells him not to tell lies. His old life comes back and literally kicks him in the gut, once more telling him Batman is back, and Joker still doesn't want to hear it. He emphatically sheds the blood he just shed.

UM, YOURS? WHO ARE YOU?!

Just a jokey boss-guy, apparently…

It kills me that the fucking microwave is still there.

Yeah, you know this is definitely not a joke before we get to the end. Because Batman is definitely dead!

Until a guy says that Batman saved his wife from a mugging just last week.

Joker knows how handsome Batman is. That's why he was looking for those naked pictures.

So now Joker has someone not just referencing Batman or bringing up rumors, but talking about an actual encounter with for-real, swinging-around, totally alive Batman. And it seems to make him angry— until he waves it off, implying it might just be another guy. (And I mean, with all the kids Batsy's got around, maybe.)

He grimaces when the batsignal shines overhead, but again makes himself ignore it.

lol Is the white dog like a white rabbit? Knight Terrors: Poison Ivy also has a guy wearing a top hat with a white dog. I'm pretty sure that's not supposed to be Penguin because his shirt has shamrocks on it which feels more Jervisy… It won't be a shock if Mad Hatter has deeper involvement in these stories, but I didn't notice him in the Batman one so I dunno.

Once Joker gets in his apartment, we see flies. Lots of flies.

So back in the real world, Joker has been explicitly aware that Bruce Wayne is Batman since Snyder's run, but in this dream, he's back to separating them. Maybe this shift happened over the course of the dream, or maybe it's been since as early as the promotion conversation, when Joker didn't seem bothered by the mention of Bruce, but when Insomnia brought up Batman, Joker was quick to say he was dead. Either way, Joker's now acting like they're two totally different dudes, one a boring rich guy who Joker has no great interest in and never did, nosirree.

The news story is also interesting. Back near the beginning when Helen is explaining wtf their department actually does, it turns out to be, in a ludicrous roundabout way, related to accounting. So I'm guessing in Part 2, Johann gets called up to talk to Mr. Wayne about the mess… 👀

And Bruce Wayne is of little concern for someone who's gone up against Batman, now rotting in Joker's closet!!

Boy howdy.

This is an ominous chapter end for Joker. He wants to have some purpose outside of Batman, but 1) Batman is still obviously hanging over him no matter how much Joker tries to ignore him and 2) his efforts have thus far led him right back to where he was in his depression: rotting his brain with reality TV. Yeah, he has a job, but it means so little that it doesn't matter that he has no clue what he's doing. Yeah, his coworkers laugh at his jokes, but when they do it's because they're not taking him seriously at all. He's obviously harmed people, but they completely miss him as a threat. He's neutered!

So far, Joker's Knight Terror is a terrible dream about the stark way he sees life. You either get to be in endless magnificent rooftop fights with Batman, or you better find satisfaction in being an empty drone.

Putting this together with how TMWSL has been going and the Darwin Halliday stuff in Batman, it all feels like it's pointing to some change in direction for Joker in the future. I'm afraid I'm not going to like where it all ends up… but for now I'll keep enjoying Rosenberg's storytelling.

... Also hey is anyone at DC gonna write about where Joker got his fake eye? I know it doesn't matter but I keep wondering about it.

[skyward-floored]

Maybe Cia starts out as a creepy neighbor and then later on become a supervillain, spurred by her obsession with Warriors?

Yeah, I’ve been thinking things through, and that’s one way it could go! Here’s my problem:

The role I tentatively have for Cia (and Lana) is of the pair of rich siblings in the second movie, the ones who want to get superheroes legal again and all that. I haven’t worked on making a backstory specifically for Cia & Lana yet, but if Warriors already knows Cia... it would change some things, if I stick with how the movie goes.

Becaus in the movie, the kicker is that none of them really have any reason to suspect Evelyn (person who’s role Cia has) of being the bad guy. Her role in everything is totally unexpected to the characters until Helen figures it all out, so if Warriors has any sort of inkling that she might be a bad guy and creates that seed of doubt in Malon/Time’s minds... I’d have to rework some things, that’s for certain.

And I mean, I’m not totally following the plot of either movies; I’m making changes left and right, and cramming in more characters then the story is really meant for, so it might end up working out really well to have Warriors be a little suspicious. But I just don’t know yet, because that’s second movie territory and I’m still fighting my way through the first 😂

But I do like the idea of her being a creepy neighbor/person on Warriors’ mail route. I’ll keep thinkin’ on it.

[redheadgleek]

January 2024 books!

I had some vacation this month. I also had an entire week when I was stuck at home without internet due to the ice storm. So I read a lot, mostly very light, fluffy comfort read books.

What I read:

Nine Goblins by T. Kingfisher. A novella about war as experienced by goblins. As usual from a TK book, a little gory, a lot witty, with some fun characters.

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. I've read so little of Neil Gaiman's books and I really enjoyed this one. I thought it was quite inventive and I liked how the passing of time was framed.

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry. It's an odd experience reading a book written by a person who has died. He had a lot of mental health problems, and I'm so sad that the medical world failed him so much.

All Systems Red by Martha Wells (audiobook). I read the novella last year and have been wanting to read the whole series, but I had already forgotten details, hence the audiobook. It was a great way of seeing things through Murderbot's eyes. I just got the next book from the library, so that will be my next listen, I think.

Miss Buncle's Book by D.E. Stevenson. A very charming book about a woman who scandalized her hometown by writing a book about them. Reminded me a lot of L.M. Montgomery's short stories.

Lord of the Butterflies by Andrea Gibson. A book of poetry exploring love and family and gender. So much emotion packed into every poem. Truly lovely.

The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett. I've also not read much of Sir Terry's and everybody has recommended the Tiffany Aching series. It was a lot of fun and had some very unique characters.

Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros. This is not high fantasy, but when the frozen world was coming down around me, this was exactly the kind of escape fiction I needed.

Weyward by Emilia Hart. Three stories woven into one about generations of women who are witches. There wasn't anything that really unique about the book, but it had great atmosphere.

An Unexpected Twist by Andy Borowitz. Not sure I should really count an 18 page essay as a book, but I enjoyed this perspective of the medical system from somebody experiencing complications.

Thank You for Listening by Julia Whelan. Okay, it mostly stretched credibility, but I enjoyed the banter between the love interests. And I especially liked the way the MC was dealing with her grandmother's dementia.

Georgie, All Along by Kate Clayborn. I enjoyed this one. I appreciated that while it was a "going home to the small town" trope, it also didn't paint that as solving all of the problems.

Upstream: Selected Essays by Mary Oliver. I started reading this last year and it took me to finish. Some of the essays were gorgeous, some felt unfinished, and others felt like book reports.

The Kiss Quotient by Helen Huang. I nearly DNF at 90% because I was so mad at the "chivalrous" macho possessive behavior of the male character. There was a lot of gender roles and conformity and casual (and not so casual) sexism throughout. Oh the other hand, the sex was plenty and pretty well described.

What I'm currently reading:

Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr. My sister recommended this. I'm about half way through and it's a tale interweaving people from the past and the future. It's at a point where it feels like bad things are going to start happening, so I'm a touch anxious, but it's been excellent so far.

Poverty. by America by Matthew Desmond (audiobook). I'm an hour in and it's utterly horrifying and gutting.

A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. It's a 20 year old book at this time and needs an update, but it certainly makes science understandable.

The Six: The Untold Story of America's First Women Astronauts by Loren Grush.

The Summer Tree by Guy Gavriel Key. I remember reading this in high school and really liking it (while also feeling dirty because there was some swearing and a sex scene in it). This time though? It's obvious he's channeling Tolkien, the writing is painfully stilted and the premise is weak and I've found out that it's a sort of King Arthur retelling, so I'm just not sure about it.

What I plan on reading next:

Emily Wilde's Map of the Underworld, Tom Lake (audiobook), and The Starless Sea are next on my list, I think.

[candlemystar]

Why do you hate Helen? You’ve made her the villain.

Perfect Helen of Troy. An ideal and a villain all at once.

Helen. Mythological damsel. She’s like a prop. You could replace her with a sexy lamp and the plot wouldn’t change.

Helen isn’t an object. Everyone just thinks she is.

She’s the most beautiful woman in the world. She’s the face that launched a thousand ships.

She isn’t just a face. Isn’t just the most beautiful woman in the world. She’s got thoughts and feelings and ambitions and drive. She’s got her own hopes, her own fears. The storytellers take away a lot of her agency, saying she ran off because a goddess cursed her with love. But she could have stayed. You always have a choice, no matter what you feel. She made the choice to leave it all behind. To do what was unsafe and unexpected. She decided to be selfish.

Aren’t all beautiful women selfish?

I can’t answer that for you. That’s a belief you’ve got. But it’s equally selfish to choose home and safety and the familiar as it is to choose love over duty.

She left her children. Helen had a little girl.

You can think that’s bad or wicked. Immoral, if you want. But there’s drama in that choice. You’re supposed to see your characters, even the ones you don’t like. You don’t just take away Helen’s agency because you don’t like her or don’t agree with her. I don’t think you want to take away Helen’s free will. Her ability to change the plot herself.

Helen of Troy is more than a plot device. She’s more than a beautiful stolen object that needs to be retrieved.

That doesn’t make her good.

I never said she was good. I said she was human. Flawed and real and flesh and blood. Barely older than us and scared out of her mind. Don’t make Helen perfect. Make her real.

If Helen gets to tell the story, she’s not an object. I mean, also, she’s still your idea of who she is. But Helen has always been that way. Does she run off with Paris? Is she abducted? Seduced? Does she ascend to Mount Olympus in the end? Regret her choices? Hate Paris? Love him? Happily resume the role of wife and queen and mother of Sparta? The only thing anyone can really agree on is this—Helen was found missing from her husband’s home and then her husband started a war. That’s it.

Spartan. That was the word. From Helen’s original homeland, Sparta. Utilitarian. Neat. Militaristic, even. The beautiful girl from the most warmongering of the ancient Greek states. If Helen of Troy had really existed, she would have been raised to fight, raised for war. Now she was known for being so pretty, she’d started a global conflict.

She thought of Helen of Troy like everyone who had written her before, and most of those everyone were men.

Her will would have had Helen be the victim. The villain, even. The instigator of all of this unnecessary war, unnecessary evil. Her idea for the whole narrative was to have Cassandra be the tragic, truth-telling protagonist. Worse, she knew she had been right to pull Helen forward. She hadn’t been interested in making the most beautiful woman in the world into the most fascinating woman in the world. But this was different. She had pulled on the thread of Helen’s humanity. She had found what makes any character relatable to so many people—her imperfections. Helen here was vain, but also trying to be brave. She was selfish, but also living in a world that had made her be selfless since childhood. She was a woman trying to walk her own path in this world, despite there being no such thing for her.

- Tell Me How You Really Feel, Aminah Mae Safi

[armi-d]

Blog #3

In my blog post today I will talk about the two Candyman movies which was released in 1992 and 2021. I believe horror movies often show important problems in society, and Candyman movies do the same thing. The first Candyman movie came out in 1992 and it told a story about city legends, housing problems, being poor, and racism. In 2021, the Candyman story continues with a new movie that honors the original and also explores modern problems.

 Some people liked the first Candyman movie because it was interesting, even though they knew it had strange and scary parts. The first Candyman movie tells a powerful story. It follows Helen Lyle, a white main character, as she explores the scary Cabrini-Green neighborhood. Some people don't like that the main character in the movie is white in a story about black people, but I like how the story does a good job of showing the differences between good and bad characters. Helen tries to save Cabrini-Green from Candyman but ends up becoming the embodiment of the evil spirit. This caught my attention because it shows that when someone tries to help, it can have unexpected results. 

However, the second Candyman movie, which came out in 2021, received a better reaction from people who watched it.  It was interesting how the movie used shadow puppets to show the stories of black men and children who were seen as Candyman. I believe it was interesting how the puppets were used in the movie and that there wasn't any unnecessary fighting. It was also interesting how the movie talked about race. 

Thinking about the first Candyman movie, I didn't like some parts because of how race was shown in the movie. On the other hand, the second Candyman movie got good reviews because it told the story better and showed racism in a creative way using shadow puppets. Moreover, I was surprised and interested in the second Candyman movie's use of shadow puppets. It gave the story a better understanding of the artist’s creative decisions. The unique way of telling a story, different from regular scary stories, made people interested and impressed.

The artist’s message in the works is about how the second Candyman movie explores racism by using shadow puppets as symbols. Both movies tell stories about black communities. The original movie shows a detailed exploration and the remake shows a modern perspective on important issues. The story of Candyman keeps changing and is important because it reflects how society is changing. It gives a chance for different people to tell their stories and helps start important conversations. Candyman is a strong movie that talks about important issues in the black community.

[astaroth1357]

AYE requests briefly open you say? Then here ya go: MC (female or gn) turns into a child for a day courtsey of Solomon (maybe around 5) with the Brothers. I think it'd be adorable, what with finger painting on spell books and things, but there ya go!

The MC is Now Five Years Old, Thanks Solomon...

Oh boy…. A little kid in Hell sounds like a train wreck admittedly, but at least they'll have some pretty strong guardians right? I heard It'll Be Okay by SMLE & Helen Tess and decided that was JUST the feel this sort of request needed.

Intro:

Solomon really doesn't mess up spells often. He's been doing this for a while (at least as far as my headcanon is concerned) so he's gotten pretty damn good at magic over the years. It takes a looot to make him mess up. Like say, a natural disaster, an unexpected surprise… or a whole-ass MC getting knocked into what sigil he's using at just the wrong time. Yeah. That'll do it.

How in the world is he going to explain this to the brothers…?

Lucifer

His anger toward Solomon is quite severe… tempered only slightly by how utterly adorable kid!MC is. (Well all know he's got that soft spot for cute things 🤭) It reminds him so much of his brothers at that age…

The man basically reverts back to being Dad!Lucifer sooo fast.

He's the one tying their shoes, checking on them throughout the day, making sure they're not running with scissors… that sort of thing.

Weirdly enough he's not that bothered by it… In fact, his brothers find it a little unnerving just how at peace he seems when he's keeping track of kid!MC doing this or that… It's like he's just put on an old pair of gloves and found out they still fit.

Speaking of his brothers, Lucifer can't turn off "Parent Mode" so it starts spilling over to them too...

When he started telling Levi "It's bedtime" and used a napkin to wipe Beel's face for him in public, they decided to hold an informal intervention. They're grown demons now, damnit!! 😖

Mammon

The first thing kid!MC did when they saw Mammon was fling themselves at him while screaming "MAMMIE!!!" at the top of their lungs… Regardless of his confusion, the man could probably die happy now.

He only gripes a little bit about being saddled with babysitting duty… Because everybody knows he's not the babysitter now. He's the playmate.

"Mammie, I wanna play House!!" "I ain't playing House with ya, kid. How 'bout Tag?" "No way, you're too fast!"  "Hide'n Seek?" "Luci said we can't play that no more…" "Well don't hide in the oven again!" "You didn't find me!!" "That was the problem!!!"

Pretty much the Man-Child/Actual Child Duo. He's perfect for keeping up with them and they'll whine incessantly when they can't find him for too long...

Totally the brother to take them to the amusement park or really any of those super fun places kids love. He will be just as excited as they are to be there, too.

It's not uncommon to find Mammon passed out on a couch or something with an equally exhausted kid!MC sleeping on his back. The two can really wear each other out…

Leviathan

He's probably the least perturbed by this change. Sudden de-aging of characters is a pretty popular anime trope, after all...

He's not all that taken with kid!MC though to be honest… Largely because he's too worried about keeping his stuff out of their grubby mitts. 😖

"Levi, what's this?" "GAH! Don't touch that!! That's my limited edition Ultra☆Rainbow Witch figurine!!" "I wanna play with it, though!" "It's not a toy!!" "That's not fair! You have nothing but toys, Levi!! You need to share!!" "NO I DON'T!!!"

In those times where Lucifer forces him to share, Levi goes full neat-freak. He handles all the discs and games himself, everything gets practically sterilized, and kid!MC HAS to wash their hands before they touch ANYTHING (especially the game controllers). He ain't risking any random kid-gunk getting on his precious possessions… 😰

He does enjoy playing games with them well enough, at least. No one's going to pass up a game of Devil Kart after all!

Sometimes he'll let them win just to see how happy they get… Though, then they start getting a big head about it so he has to remind him who the actual gamer is with another string of losses... Sucks to suck, kid! 😌😏

Satan

… You know, five year-olds ask a lot of questions… A looot of questions…

"Satan, what's that?" "An umbrella. You use it so that rain doesn't get on you." "Where does rain come from?" "Evaporated water collects in the atmosphere and-" "Is rain like the sky peeing?" "...." "Satan? Does your face hurt?... Satan?"

Please Lord, they may not be on speaking terms, but someone has to have mercy on his patience...

In truth, Satan's kind of charmed by how curious kid!MC is, he just wished they'd listen more to his boring explanations…

"Satan? Why does everyone listen to Diavolo?" "Lord Diavolo is like a king to us demons." "Where's his crown?" "He doesn't wear a crown." "Oh… You don't wear a crown and people listen to you. Are you a king too?" "I mean, you're not wrong… 😏" "Satan, get back to work."

Eh, maybe having a little MC isn't all that bad. They don't lie, after all. 😌

Asmodeus

OMG he hasn't seen a child this cute since the twins were in diapers!!!!

If Mammon isn't around then Asmo takes over babysitting duties (like an actual babysitter) and he's more than happy to do it. It reminds of him of taking care of baby Belphie!

If kid!MC has any interest at all in makeup then he's happy to foster it. He won't give them the good stuff of course, but he'll show them how to do blush, eyes, lipstick, nail polish, whatever!

He also dabbles in a bit of facepaint so do they want to look like a kitty, panda, or dragon? He's got them covered.

Asmo just likes to let them be creative in all forms, really. He's going to be the one to break out the paint and markers and just the kid!MC go to town! (hopefully not on the walls…)

Takes pictures of whatever they draw, good or bad, and happily displays them to everyone. There's not a big enough fridge to hold all the art he's going to collect (and zealously protect).

Beelzebub

Playmate #2 right after Mammon, but he's the less excitable, more responsible one.

"Beel! Beel! Watch me jump off this slide!!" 😰 "Please don't… You could hurt yourself… You slide down slides. That's why they're called that." "*GASP*... That's right! You're a genius!!" *sits back down* "Not really, but thank you." 😊 *waits for them at the bottom*

If the MC is with Beel, they're doing one of two things. Either they're playing together or gorging themselves on junk food.

Beel actually likes "domestic" games like House and Tea Party because it's an excuse to raid the kitchen. He'll play "house-husband" all day as long as he gets to actually eat at every imaginary dinnertime.

He'll play active games too, of course. Especially action-oriented ones like "Cops and Robbers" or Superheros. No one's better at roughhousing than Beel! Though he'll go easy on them, cause they're small and all… 😅

Everyone can always tell when Beel's in charge of them because he carries them around on his shoulders. He's the tallest one of the family so it's like getting to be a giant!

Belphegor

Belphie was introduced to kid!MC when they started crying during one of his naps. They couldn't wake him and they thought he was dead… Followed directly by them declaring their tears were magic when they noticed his eyes opened.

He proceeded to close his eyes again and purposely play dead just to get them all worried again. It was the smile creeping up onto his face that eventually gave him away… 😏

He likes to play with kid!MC and Beel but he's not going to let it get in the way of his nap schedule or anything. When they play "Knights" he gets to take the role of the world's laziest dragon… Rawr.

Kid!MC will only settle down for naptime if Belphie joins too since he'll read them a book like he used to do with Lilith.

Satan's usually the go-to guy for storytime, but Belphie's a close second (largely because he just imitates what he remembers Lucifer doing for him, voices and all 🤭).

He deals with their myriad of questions by just making shit up and pretending he knows what he's talking about. It's around the time that he told them that little men live inside the freezer and shave ice cubes to keep things cold that Lucifer started getting on his case about it… Killjoy. 🙄

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Black is the Color of My True Love's Hair

Read here on AO3

Kaz:

There were many things Kaz loved about Ketterdam. He loved how the chaos of the city carried whispers, the way the Barrel opened itself up to those it trusted, loved how the markets were bathed in color when the tulips bloomed in Spring, and above all he loved the clocks, which rung music across the streets and kept his secrets safe within their chimes. Well, he usually loved the clocks. Right now, as he hurtled unceremoniously awake to their incessant tolls, he was concocting no less than seven schemes to destroy every last time piece in Ketterdam.

He sat up in bed, rubbing tight circles into the muscle of his bad leg, stretching the stiffness from his joints. He blinked the drowsiness from his eyes, glancing out the window to where the first rays of daybreak were just beginning to brighten the sky. He rolled out of bed, sleepy and slow, and limped over to his wash basin. He splashed water on his face and ran wet fingers through his hair, his footsteps fell heavy on his hardwood floors and he groaned in pain with every motion. The pain was always bad in the mornings, when the lack of movement made his muscles sore, when his knee didn’t want to bend.

“Tell me, Dirtyhands,” a voice muttered, and Kaz spun around in surprise. The anxious beating of his heart accelerated at the sight of Inej, eyes closed, blanket on her shoulders, and her face resting on his desk, her hair loose, wild, and draped across her arms. “How did you ever complete heists before I came along, with a walk as loud as yours?”

It shouldn’t have surprised him to find her here, the foggy edges of his memory recalled they’d been together yesterday, working until the early hours of the morning. Inej had fallen asleep first, and Kaz, not having the strength to move her, had continued his work until the dreams had taken him.

“Perhaps your ears deceive you, Wraith,” Kaz smirked, pulling off his nightshirt, wiping himself down. “I’m quiet as a mouse,”

“Big mouse,” Inej retorted, the blanket slipping to the floor as she sat up and stretched. She tugged off her vest, and began unbuttoning her shirt, Kaz watched her every move from the mirror, trying to steady his pulse as she drew closer to him. She met his gaze, a rueful look in her eye, a challenge and an invitation. He walked away before she could come to stand by his side, he wasn’t sure he would be able to control himself, he wasn’t sure he could survive his need to touch her if she had drawn too near. But that didn’t mean he was out of the game.

He could feel her eyes upon his back as he made his way to his closet, pulled out a fresh pair of clothes, and stripped himself down completely. Inej’s breath hitched behind him and he bit back a grin. It was terrifying and exhilarating to expose himself like this. But he was competitive and he wasn’t going to let Inej run circles around his temptations. He got dressed, moving deliberately, taking his time. He left his gloves off. He was smug when he turned back around, waiting to claim his victory. But it was quickly replaced by desire, warm and unexpected and delightful, at the sight of her, hair slick and dripping water in graceful lines down her back. She was running a brush through it, working out the knots and tangles, a thin strip of leather pressed between her teeth.

She was breathtaking. Kaz had marveled once, not too long ago at how, after everything Inej had suffered, she could still consider herself lucky. But seeing her like this, with the sunrise painting gold across her skin, with a calm that curved her shoulders, he was beginning to understand what luck could feel like. She buttoned up her shirt, then her vest, and picked her knives up from the desk. She brought each knife up to her lips, whispering a prayer before she tucked them back into their sheaths.

He loved the easy silence that settled in between them. Kaz spent so much of his day plotting, scheming, thinking, that he savored every second of silence he could find. Inej carried silence on her like a charm. Kaz was enamored, enraptured by her, he was studying her every move. When she had secured her last blade, she returned to the mirror, and began to braid her hair.

“Wait,” Kaz blurted, before he was even sure what he was going to say. “Would you teach me?”

Inej, already halfway done, stopped, and looked at him with nothing but confusion in her eyes “What?”

Regret and embarrassment turned his cheeks warm and red “If I told you I was deliriously exhausted, would you forget about that lapse in self control, and allow me to maintain my reputation as a widely feared and extremely powerful Barrel boss?”

Inej cocked her head to the side, batting her eyelashes at him, a giant, teasing smile spreading across her face. She came in close, putting mere inches between them, and Kaz wanted nothing more than to pull her to him, to feel her hand against his chest, to grasp her elbow and wipe that smug look on her face off with a kiss. “And give up the opportunity to blackmail the bastard of the Barrel?”

“Inej,” he pleaded. Inej had gotten him to beg , Saints, she was good.

“Why?” Her question was sincere and curious. Why do you want to braid my hair?

“I- I don’t know,” it broke something in Kaz to admit it, to admit he wanted something with no strings attached. “To see if I can? Because your hair seems so important to you and I-” I want you to know how important you are to me.

Inej’s eyes pierced through to his very soul, the flash of a smile flitting across her face. Kaz would have done anything for a smile like that. “Okay,” she said “This will be easier if you sit,” she nodded her head in the direction of his mattress. “You take the bed, I’ll take the floor,” Kaz obliged, ignoring the pain that radiated up his leg. Inej pulled her knees up close to her chest, her back straight as an arrow. After a minute she turned to look at him, apprehension furrowing her brow, “You have to actually pick my hair up before we can start, you know?”

“Right,” Kaz agreed, and sucked in a breath when she returned her gaze to the window, trying to prepare himself for the onslaught of crashing waves and rotting flesh. But as Kaz dipped his fingers into the ink that was Inej’s hair, the waters never rose, Jordie’s face did not appear behind his eyes. He let out a single, almost hopeful chuckle, when he realized he was fine. There was nothing in the feeling of her hair in his hands to remind him of the harbor. Jordie’s hair had not been as dark as hers, had not been as long; Inej’s hair was sleek and soft and cared for, it felt foreign and familiar against his skin. It was a comfort, it was a starting point, it was an illusion shattered by the realization that Inej had gone completely still under his grasp.

“Are you still with me, Wraith?” Kaz asked the air, pretending to be casual, heart pounding in excitement and concern.

“Yes,” it was a whisper as soft as a ghost. Inej’s arms were wrapped around her torso, her fingers resting gently across the hilts of her favorite knives.

Kaz dropped his hand and took a step back, his fingers twitched, wanting more. But he would not submit Inej to torture. “You sound like you are vanishing. I don’t...I don’t want to be the reason why you disappear,”

“You’re not the only one who has armor on,” Inej said simply. “Now, split my hair into three even sections.”

Kaz tried to steady his hand when he reached out again, why was he so nervous? He brushed his fingers through her hair, wondering if the first time had been a fluke, fearing he would be plunged into the harbor. But the waters never came, Kaz could not contain his smile. He separated out her hair, and thought of all the times he had seen her twist her plait together. Feeling confident in it, he tried to start the braid, but he wasn’t sure what he was doing, and she was sitting too far away. He knew it was for him, to make sure they didn’t touch, but it meant he had to lean awkwardly to reach the base of her neck. He lost his balance and accidentally pulled hard on Inej’s hair, still wrapped up in his hands, as he lurched backwards to steady himself. Kaz’s heart punctured beneath the sharp intake of Inej’s breath, and bled out against her knuckles, which had turned white, clutched tightly around her Saints.

“Sorry,” it was perhaps the second time in his life that Kaz had ever apologized, and the ease at which it passed his lips terrified and excited him.

Slowly, carefully, Inej moved closer, leaning back against his shins. Pain shot through his bad leg in a familiar arc, and he bit his lip and closed his eyes to prevent himself from grunting. The pain made him think of violence, of fighting, the only way he was usually able to handle any form of physical contact. The aching in his leg diluted the euphoria he felt knowing he could touch Inej, her hair at least, without bringing Jordie back to life, but it also saved him from drowning now, with her back pressed up against him. He knew what she was doing, he didn’t blame her for it.

Inej:

Tante Helene had been obsessed with Inej’s hair, the first day they met she had practically drooled over it, with thoughts of how much money such luscious locks would make her. She had been right. There was not a night that went by in that horrible place where someone else’s greasy fingers hadn’t felt it, tangled it...pulled it. Inej’s hair wasn’t just important to her, it was sacred. To have it handled so, it made her feel disgraceful, made her feel abandoned, cursed. When Kaz had shown up, before sense could catch up to her, she had thought it was a rescue, that she would never have to worry about such heinous acts again.

Kaz had warned her when they made their way out of The Menagerie that he was not taking her to safety. The Barrel was a wicked place, a hungry place, it took its pound of flesh from everyone. But, a small, naive part of her hadn’t wanted to believe him. It had only taken a few hours for Kaz to be proven right. It happened just as Inej had begun to feel comfortable, had begun to settle into the cacophony and the chaos of the Dregs. A newer member, Hendrik, someone with too little skill and too much to prove, had grabbed her by the hair and flung her to a darkened corner of the bar. She had imagined all the ways she could destroy him, clawing out his eyes, poisoning his drink, beating him bloody. She had wanted desperately to fight back, but instead her body did what it always had, what she had trained it to do, and she had disappeared. She had hated herself for it, hated that she had shown her weakness from the very first day.

But she hated herself more for having been so stupid as to believe that things would be different with Dirtyhands; that she could become more than just a toy to be passed around. As the last shreds of hope for a different life were suffocated by the hands upon her, a crow-headed cane connected with Hendrik’s skull. The corners of her coat turned red as his blood spread across the floor, she reveled in the sight of it and felt ashamed to have loved such violence. Kaz had been the one to save her that night, because of course he had. She hated the way Hendrik made her feel, like she was just skin, supple and pliable and at the mercy of another’s whims. Kaz had turned her to metal, turned her knuckles into brass, had sharpened her edges and given her claws.

Inej cut off her hair with the first knife Kaz gave her, it had broken her to do so and freed her all the same. She had regretted it, it felt like a betrayal to her former self, to her parents, to her Saints; but it was the one thing in her life she could control. Since then, her hair had grown with her, had grown to something no one else had ever touched. No one, now, except for Kaz.

When he’d asked her to teach him, when he’d said he wanted to learn, she had lost the rest of his request to the sound of her heart, beating in her ear. In all the years she’d been in Ketterdam, no one else had ever cared enough to ask her. When he’d first wrapped his fingers through her hair, years of memories came rushing back, she’d almost collapsed against their weight...and then he’d laughed, a small delighted thing.

Kaz was doing what she’d asked of him, he was trying to get better, and though Inej had spent most of her time in the Dregs working on her own weaknesses, she had yet to conquer this one. It wasn’t fair, she knew, to ask him to do something she wouldn’t do herself. She gripped her knives, because they kept her grounded, they kept her here, safe in the Slat, safe with Kaz. Inej realized, with tentative glee, that she liked this feeling, Kaz’s fingers running through her hair, cautious and gentle.

And then he’d lost his balance.

A fear she’d long forgotten crashed into her body, knocked the air from her lungs. Wrapped itself around her throat and floated upward, forcing her out, making her disappear. There were hands on her, in her hair, pressing down on her chest, holding her arms so they would not fight, or scratch, or claw. Her consciousness clung to the ceiling, her strength jumped out the window.

“Where’s your hairbrush?” his question severed the line, slamming Inej back into her body. Uh oh .

“What happened?” Inej asked, not sure if she actually wanted an answer to that question.

“I...got overconfident,” She wasn’t looking at him, but his words sounded almost sheepish. A different type of panic raced through her.

“I’m not cutting it again,” She turned to meet his eye, when had she leaned against his legs?   “so if you mess my hair up, Kaz, we’re having words,”

“If I mess you hair up, Inej,” Kaz replied, his face firm, but eyes shining, “you can take your revenge, I won’t even put up a fight,”

“Well, that’s no fun,” she muttered, bounding over to the desk, grabbing her hairbrush, and handing it to Kaz. Kaz let his fingers slide over her knuckles, she could see the shiver that travelled down his spine, this was an apology.

“Then you can torture me in the meantime,” he whispered. Kaz stretched out his bad leg, keeping his other one bent. He gave a curt nod and a tight smile, and when she returned to her spot on the floor, she pressed her back against him and draped one arm lightly over his shin. With surety, Kaz began to brush her hair. It bit into her scalp at first, but he loosened his grip, and the teeth of the brush began to tickle, to soothe, the repetitive nature of the action brought her comfort. She hummed happily.

“What song does the Wraith sing for me today?”

“One from home,” she sighed, blissful and content and fully in her own mind. “This reminds me of my mother,”

Kaz cleared his throat “I don’t know that I want to do anything that reminds you of your mother,” Inej thought of him, naked before her no less than fifteen minutes earlier, and laughed.

“She used to brush my hair when I was young. She’d press kisses to my temple, twist my hair through her fingers. She taught me how to braid it, how to care for it. She’s the only other person who’s brushed my hair,” her head rested fully in his lap now, and when she looked at him, she felt something in him twitch. His forehead was sweaty, this was challenging for him, she figured she had let him suffer enough for his mistake and so she sat back up and put a little space between them. “Don’t get cocky this time, Kaz. Three even strands,”

“What next?”

“Grab the middle strand with one finger, and cross it over to the right. The strand that was on the right should now be in the middle. Do the same thing on the left side, middle to the left.” Kaz made a sound of acknowledgement, and started the braid. Inej was used to seeing him work, picking pockets and picking locks with confidence. His fingers did not seem so sure of themselves today, fumbling clumsily as he struggled to keep the strips of her hair separated. “And then just do it again, middle to the right, middle to the left, over and over until you get to the bottom,”

Kaz worked as methodically as ever, and Inej had to fight the urge to find a reflection of herself in the window, to check in on his progress. She trusted Kaz would do the best job he could. “And then?”

“Here,” she handed him the thin strip of leather. “Tie off the end, you can just wrap it around and knot it,”

“Alright,” Kaz said, and his bed creaked as he leaned back. But he didn’t drop her hair like she expected. Instead he ran a thumb across the plait he had just made. She thanked the Saints for the joy it made her feel, knowing that Kaz Brekker didn’t want to let her go. “I think I’m done,”

Inej stood up, flitting over to examine his handiwork. It was done with a quality she had anticipated, nowhere near perfect, but it would do for the day. It was a little too loose, and there were pieces of her hair that feathered out around the edges. Pieces Kaz had either neglected or that had already slipped from the braid. She caught the frenetic motion of Kaz’s hands, twisting a coin between his knuckles, and knew that he was worried, waiting for a judgement.

“A valiant first attempt,” Inej decreed, joining Kaz on the bed.

“Now, that’s a kind lie if I ever heard one,” Kaz’s eyes traced over the curves of her body.

“It’s not a lie,” Inej said, and leaned forward, “But, if you’re dissatisfied with the result, you are welcome to try again tomorrow,”

“I might have to take you up on that offer,” His eyes were glued to her lips, Inej could hear the way his breath quickened. And just as he started to close the distance between them, his sheets balled up in his fists, the clocks began to chime.

“I should be going,” Inej whispered, though she could not make out the words beneath the sound of her own yearning.

“Just one more second,” Kaz requested, sweating and shaking, he pressed a kiss to her temple, gentle as a ghost. He moved away instantly, swallowing hard, tucking his hands beneath his arms. He hadn’t been ready for that . The spot where he had kissed her felt electric, felt hopeful, felt empty, she wanted more, but Kaz did not, Kaz could not. His eyes were glazing over, he was about to be lost to the waters again.

She hopped off the bed to give him space, unlocked the latch on his window, and opened it to bring the air in. “Thanks, Mom,” she said with all the seriousness that she could muster.

Inej wanted a portrait of the look on Kaz’s face to hang above her mantle “Fuck you, Inej,”

“I don’t think you’re ready for that,” she said with a smirk, Jesper and Nina had definitely rubbed off on her, and she left him there, cheeks red, mouth agape, her braid swinging behind her, as if waving Kaz goodbye.

[oliviermiraarmstrongs]

mid-year book freak out tag

thank you @bloody-wonder for giving me an excuse to share my book thoughts!

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2021?

It’s gotta be The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood; I hear “feminist period novel about mentally ill woman unable to cope in upper-class society” and I am THERE! It’s like [Stefon voice] This book has EVERYTHING: repressed women, a decaying old house, a complex relationship of two sisters, a pulpy sci-fi story-within-a-story-within-a-story, criticism of capitalism and reactionary attitudes and politics, commentary on how conservative society shuns those it perceives to be “other” and a threat to the social order (poor people, socialists, “unconventional” women). It is EXTREMELY my shit.

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2021?

The only one I've read is Siege and Storm, so Siege and Storm! Shadow and Bone was captivating, if a little simplistic, but the sequel really fleshes out the characters, setting, and themes. It’s great to see Alina take a more active role, and I love the exploration of sainthood. 

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To?

I’m really curious about Michelle Zauner’s memoir Crying in H Mart. Same with Axiom’s End, which I haven’t really been seeking out, but it’s been resting on my list since I like a lot of Lindsay Ellis’ stuff.

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2021?

5. Biggest Disappointment?

The Penelopiad by Margaret Atwood. I’ve been getting into Atwood, and I have a soft spot for female-centric retellings of myths, so this was on my list for a long time. It’s not bad; it’s decent as a character study and offers some good perspective on the hanged slave women from The Odyssey, but overall it came off as...bitter? And not in a good way. It’s reasonable to include commentary on how bad things were for women in ancient times, but after a while I’m just like “But there had to be a time when Penelope was happy, right?” But the biggest failing has to be the treatment of Helen. Why a story focused on bringing literary justice to silenced women also characterizes Helen of Troy as a manipulative, arrogant bitch who single-handedly ignited the Trojan War because she enjoys fucking people over, I’ll never know. Ironic that in the opening chapter, Penelope bemoans being used as a yardstick with which to judge other women, and then the book proceeds to do exactly that with her and Helen. Can’t let Penelope have a positive relationship with another woman! There could be some form of unreliable narrator at play, but there’s not much indication that that’s the case here. Even Homer had a more nuanced portrayal of Helen than this!

6. Biggest Surprise?

I suppose The Red Tent. I picked it up at a Goodwill because of my aforementioned interest in female-centric retellings. It’s not amazing, but I wasn’t really expecting it to emotionally affect me like it did. You spend so much time setting up Dinah’s family and this supportive community of woman within a patriarchal society, only to have Dinah abandon it all after getting betrayed by her father and (most of) her brothers. Hearing about how her family fell apart after she left and she never got to see her mothers again really gets to me. The book has flaws for sure - neither of Dinah’s romances are developed very well, and some of its themes can come off as gender essentialist - but I think it’s a nice exploration of female labor and traditions that too often get ignored.

7. Favorite New Author?

The only relatively new author I’ve been reading is Leigh Bardugo, soooooo... honestly I don’t know what I can say that hasn’t already been said, I got into the series pretty late. Great world-building, witty dialogue, a familiar type of story with enough interesting ideas to make it feel fresh. Check out Shadow and Bone if you get the chance. Sound of the summer.

8. Newest Fictional Crush?

You would think it would be Nikolai Lantsov since I just finished reading Siege and Storm and he seems to be the fan favorite... but nah, not yet. He’s fun, but he doesn’t hit me in that way (Though very sexy of him to just casually proposition Alina and Mal for a royal polycule, a la Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot; would love an AU where they accept his offer). However, I would let Zoya murder me. Every time Zoya is not in a scene I am asking “Where’s Zoya?” Also shout out to Alina, just because I would treat her better than all the men in her life! 

9. Newest Favorite Character?

Gonna try to do this without spoiling too much, but Laura Chase in The Blind Assassin really resonated with me. Her personality reminds me a lot of myself, especially as an an autistic person, like the way she has her own way of thinking that makes perfect sense to her, but makes other people see her as odd and naive. I love how she’s set up in-universe as this Sylvia Plath-esque tragic heroine, with Iris spending the rest of the book interrogating and deconstructing, and in a way, reconstructing this image of her. Atwood you’re insane for this. I forgive you for the Helen thing now.

10. Book That Made You Cry?

I never got as far as crying, but the part in The Goldfinch where [spoilers incoming] the art heist goes wrong and Theo is alone in the hotel room and he’s spiraling and considering suicide and finally dreams of his mom… all that was too much for me and I had to put the book down for the night. This guy just can’t catch a fucking break.

11. Book That Made You Happy?

fucidjdjdj I didn’t read any happy books this year. Shadow and Bone and Siege and Storm because I read them really fast unlike my usual months-long reading schedule.

12. Favorite Book Adaptation You Saw?

Predictably, Shadow and Bone. I basically bought and read the book less than a week before the show came out because I thought it looked interesting and wanted in on the hype (mostly because Jessie is cute 🥰). Honestly, the show improves a lot on the first book; the multiple storylines make it more dynamic and complex, the actors really help to make the characters feel more fleshed out, and Alina and Inej interacted for like three scenes, introducing an unexpected but thematically rich ship.

13. Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year?

14. Most Beautiful Book You’ve Bought So Far This Year?

I impulse-bought this book of Romantic poetry at Barnes and Noble just because it was pretty and I had a gift card

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End Of The Year?

Besides finishing The Grisha Trilogy/Six of Crows duology/Zoya’s duology that I forgot the name of….I don’t know. I’m not a reader that plans in advance. I acquire books, finish whatever I’m currently reading, look through my stacks deciding what to read next, spend an hour doing so because I can’t decide if I’m in the mood for any of them, and either force myself to read one or buy/borrow a new one.

I’m tagging @betweenironyandsilver, @illuminaticns, @borispavlikovskys, @chdarling, @sctine, @mightyaubs, @excuseforadrink, and @trckstergods, if you wanna! Or anyone who wants to yell about books.

[nyotamalfoy]

“Unexpected.” - Part 1 Cillian Murphy x fem!Reader

Requested by @fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby

Summary: (Y/N) gets a chance to go to the sets of her favourite series, Peaky Blinders, but the day doesn’t go as planned. 

Warning: mention of death

Part 2 can be found here

‘It’s just a birthday, he’s a busy man. He’ll come by later, I guess…’  (Y/N) tried to console herself as her uncle, Neil, hadn’t come to visit her on her birthday like he did every year.   

Neil was her closest and only family after her parents died in a plane crash. She could always rely on him and talk to him about anything and everything. He was (Y/N)’s best friend. But, he was a costume designer and therefore, a very busy man. Neil had told her in a recent phone call that he wouldn’t be able to make it for her birthday because of work. Speaking of work, he had been hired as the costume designer for her favourite Netflix series of all times, Peaky Blinders.   

(Y/N) had been ecstatic when she found out and almost begged him to let her come to the sets with him. She loved the cast and wanted a chance to meet them. In particular, she wanted to meet Cillian Murphy. She had been his fan since she saw him on Batman Begins. Actually, that would be an understatement, she was basically in love with him and had accepted the fact that it was just a celebrity crush which she could do nothing about.   

Coming back to the point, (Y/N) was a bit sad when Neil said he couldn’t make it but was hurt when he didn’t even call. It wasn’t like him to miss her birthday.  As she was laying on her bed, tired after a chaotic day of celebrating her turning a year older, she heard a creak from outside her room.   

She shot up straight and got out of her bed, walking towards her door, grabbing one of her textbooks from her study table to use as a weapon on the way – great choice, (Y/N). A textbook? Seriously?   

Opening her door as quietly as she could, she stepped out into the hallway, trembling, with the textbook held above her shoulder, ready to strike someone.  

(Y/N) gasped as she felt someone poke her shoulder from behind and turned around, smashing the bundle of maths problems on the side of their face.   

“Ah!” She heard a familiar voice wince as she fumbled around for the switch to turn on the lights.  

“Uncle Neil?” (Y/N) called out, looking at him in surprise as the lights came on. “You scared me to death, you prat!” She grinned, walked up to him and slapped his upper arm before hugging him.   

“Why a textbook, though?” He said, rubbing the side of his face as they pulled away. “A bloody heavy one too.” She felt a bit guilty, but he was the one that snuck in her house, so she laughed at his expense.  

They both laughed and talked for a while, having walked into the kitchen, sitting on the barstools with cups of coffee and biscuits in front of them. He still hadn’t wished her ‘happy birthday’ but she let that slide knowing he was a bit absent minded at times and meant no ill-will. Just as she thought this, he suddenly stopped speaking and his eyes widened as he looked at her.  “I almost forgot!” He reached into his backpack and pulled out a lanyard with an ID card attached. “Happy birthday!”   

“Finally! I was beginning to think that you actually forgot.” She took the lanyard and hugged him saying a quiet but excited ‘thank you’ before sitting back.  

(Y/N) looked at the lanyard confusedly at first but when she turned the ID card, her eyes widened as she read the words written on it, and she froze. She read it, then read it again just to confirm. On it, it said in bold print letters:  

VISITOR’S PASS - PEAKY BLINDERS  

“AHHHH!” She screamed in excitement and hugged a laughing Neil with such force that he would have definitely fallen if he was still sitting on the bar stool.    

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Do I look okay?”   

“You look gorgeous, (Y/N). Let’s go now, we don’t want to be late now do we.” Neil urged her to get out of the house but couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he saw her skipping down the driveway in excitement.   

After three hours of driving and Neil answering (Y/N)’s questions about the set and cast and everything in between, they finally reached.   

“Let’s go!” (Y/N) pulled Neil to the entrance as they got out of the car. The guard standing in front of the door checked their identification and smiled when he saw (Y/N) grinning, flashing her visitor pass to him. Neil chuckled as he led her down to the sets. 

He dropped off his gear in the room assigned to him and checked the time.   

“Okay, they’ll be coming in any minute now,” Neil started and went on to tell her of all the rules and things she needed to take care of. She listened obediently even though she could barely contain her excitement.   

Some minutes later, the actors and actresses arrived in short intervals of each other.   

“Oh, hello! Who’s this pretty lady, Neil?”   

“Helen, meet (Y/N), my niece, and (Y/N), this is-” Neil was cut off by (Y/N).  

“Helen McCrory, I know, I’m a big fan, ma’am!” (Y/N) gushed about everything she loved about her acting without sounding too creepy or cringy and Neil was thankful for her staying composed and not jumping on her.  

Helen found, for whatever reason, she was enjoying talking to (Y/N). They talked for a while before being interrupted by the Cole brothers. They were slowly joined by almost all the cast members including Paul and Tom but not Cillian, all of whom had taken a liking to (Y/N) immediately due to her friendly and excited demeanour. Neil watched on in amazement at how she managed to win all their hearts in less than 20 minutes and that thought couldn’t keep a smile off his face.  

“What’s going on here?” A voice (Y/N) knew all too well made an appearance. She snapped her head to the source of the voice and froze. She was standing in the same vicinity of the man she had the biggest crush on, the one and only Cillian Murphy.   

“Neil was just introducing his lovely niece here.” Sophie gestured to (Y/N) and smiled at her.   

“We have work to do so can we focus on that, please.” As Cillian said this, he had an annoyed and frustrated expression on his face. “We don’t have time for visitors right now.”  

The cast members looked at each other in surprise because Cillian never acted this way; he was always the nicest, most kind person on the set.   

After (Y/N)’s initial shock dissipated, she had the biggest of smiles on her faces which was now tinged with hurt, hearing Cillian say that. The cast surrounding her looked at her and gave her sympathetic smiles, some hugs and promises to meet after shoot as they started walking away.  

“You should leave before you break something or ruin a scene,” Cillian said before walking ahead of the everyone who had turned to look at them when they saw him approach (Y/N).   

Everyone was shocked, to say the least. They could clearly see that something was troubling him but they sure as hell didn’t appreciate the way he was treating their new-found friend. Looking at (Y/N), they could see the hurt in her expression clearly with the way she was looking down, lips trembling.  

(Y/N) had never felt such a sharp pain in her heart as she did now. Cillian’s words had cut through her like a hot knife, leaving her with no choice but to go as far away from him as possible.   

So, once everyone had left to continue on with their work, with a heavy heart and tears threatening to fill her eyes, she ran. She left the sets and kept running until she felt sudden stabbing pain in her leg.   

Great, this day is just going so well. She thought to herself as she sat on a nearby bench and pulled the sharp stone out of her sole which had pierced through her sandals, leaving her foot bloody. Her tears fell then, like white hot metal down her face.  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  

Neil felt like it was all his fault; he was the one that brought her here with the promise of her meeting her crush. He never would have imagined that Cillian would act the way he did. He went to his room on the sets, hoping to find (Y/N) there so he could speak to her.   

“Hey, (Y/N)?” Neil knocked on the door before opening it. He looked around for the familiar head of (Y/H/C) hair but dread filled him when he didn’t see anyone. Picking up his mobile phone, he dialled her number and a bit of relief touched him when he heard her familiar ringtone somewhere around the sets.   

He walked out to where everyone else had gathered and looked around for (Y/N). His hopes quickly vanished when he saw her bag on the floor near a wall in which her phone was ringing.  

“Has anyone seen (Y/N)?” Neil asked the cast members as they all turned to look at him with concerned expressions.  

“Wasn’t she with you?” Helen inquired as she too looked around hoping to see a glimpse of her.  

“No, she ran off. I thought she’d go to my room but there’s no one there.” Neil ran a hand through his hair, guilt coursing through his veins.   

They asked the guard at the gate if he had seen (Y/N) and he told them that she had ran out about 2 hours ago.  

As everyone spread out, some by foot, some by cars and bikes, Cillian was left alone with his thoughts.   

Earlier that day, he’d gotten into a bad fight with his brother over some family issue. Then, he had to deal with idiots in the traffic while driving to the sets. Lastly, he had spilt his much-needed coffee on himself meaning that he had to go back home, change, buy another coffee and then come onto the set 20 minutes late. He’d had a very testing day but his patience broke when the producer met him at the entrance and told him off for being late to the set.  

To add fuel to the fire, no one was even ready to shoot as they were all standing around someone happily chatting away. He snapped then. Telling off an unsuspecting fan, his good friend Neil’s cousin at that.   

Cillian was almost 100% sure that he was the one that scared her away with his rude behaviour and that killed him as he realised this. She had looked so happy with that big grin on her face that he had successfully managed to wipe off with a few hurtful words.   

He put his face in his hands as he sat on his chair. Cillian only had one string of thoughts going around his mind: This is my fault. I have to find her and apologise. She didn’t deserve this.

[thecrenellations]

Return of the Thief Notes, Part Three: The Book of Pheris, Volume 2, Chapters 6-14 and “Alyta’s Missing Earring”

Notes from my first read, October 2020. (Part One | Part Two | TaT)

Contents:  Elephants, guesses about gods and dead men, villain team up, the unexpected, AAAAAAH, elaboration on the word cloud above (which is one big Gen, medium Pheris, medium love, and scattered other names), and more quantitative analysis! I love this book.

Format:  Page number. My thoughts (Context?)

Chapter 6

285. unkingly moment, last night with her at home

MISMATCHED STOCKINGS (I have a thing about this.)

Wedges of ribbons?

285. cute

286. a pitneen? A drunk bird?

Wait. Gift of animals??? Did he steal the thunderbolts wearing it?

A canary no longer

287. Hilarion and Ion, wow

Throw a cup of wine on me

288. War pants! War pants!

What’s Attolia wearing?

Sophos! (the whistling!)

288. Ok fine it’s gonna be sad ... I say as if I didn’t just experience the trial (the last lighthearted moment)

Pepper!

Be careful Pheris

Also Relius went to Dite and Juridius, right? (I was convinced Dite would show up)

Sinerine!

290. SOCKS! Yay <3 magus

I was resigned to not much magus but he is HERE!

He’s … so much nicer than he was to the kids in the Thief, lol

A CART!

Lamb, falling in same paragraph. Worried.

Gen :( Gen you ran all over the palace and leapt in the water last night. You are so stupid.

292. Yay Sophos I love you

Math buddies!

294. I’M SAD.

They have had this convo before

I love them

It’s because I can that I think I should

295. Do not overreach. Eddis is right

Danger in self indulgence?

I love her! “I was outside chasing your brother with a stick”

296. My heart. You have to trust yourself. I don’t know if I can. Then you have to trust us.

Tactical Irene!

Thanks I’m gonna hold on to it: “The Call of life is a s powerful as the call of death, and it is no weakness to answer to it”

297. Oh no. My children. Tell each other things like that!

Great time to be childish, Gen.

Yeah honestly. It’s bothered her FOREVER

299. Pull it together, kids!

Thx Helen

Inkpots … :( :( :(

Chapter 7

302. See … that Continent occupation isn’t good either!

303. Unfortunately that is NOT an alternative. Bc volcano.

305. This is stressful.

Chloe, interesting

306. Elephants

Oh my god it’s better than I ever could have imagined (there was like 10 years of lead up to the elephants, and I thoroughly enjoyed them)

I love him

Gen wtf

Yes drink up those guards (“We could keep [an elephant] in the guard’s bathhouse! There’s plenty of room.” “And the guards will bathe ...?” “In the palace reservoir.” “Our drinking water.”)

#6 Gen about elephants

308. This is gonna be a disaster

Hilarion with an eyeglass

Fuck Pheris is making this up.

Gen I love you

Oh my god

Honestly idk if Gen is having fun but I AM

They’re. They’re such a power couple.

Also Bu-seneth is so rude to Attolia

309. so vague about battle, but I’m sure it’s horrible

310. hero talk. Chills.

311. all the woman comparisons for Gen (“Would [a world with no war and no heroes be a bad thing?” “That’s a woman’s question”)

Wow. Interesting. Anonymity

312. Don’t listen to them Gen!

Bad tempered cooks

313. lol. Good looks.

Gen. the hand joke. Why

Well that was … a scene (I don’t know my Henry V)

Reassuring to have a glove. Which one?

314. No. Bad. This is what I was afraid of. (Nahuseresh baiting Gen with Kamet)

Ok Pheris

315. That cannot be true. (it was not!)

Gen. No. No.

316. Wow. That worked out well. So far.

They called him annux. If Kamet is really dead…

319. Yeah Attolia is RIGHT

Yeah I can’t actually either!

Irene knows. In his story!

320. Glove resolved very fast

Interesting reversal (Gen and his dad)

Maddening!

Chapter 8

322. who’s charging off in a haze of glory now

Philologos wounded

Wait, the attendants follow him in to battle...

Cleon RIP

Temenus <3

No. Stenides

If they ever returned.

His brother died in an explosion

Gen’s tears

This is sad.

323. lion lamb :(

325. At least they have each other

Morality is an illusion. Like safety?

326. that’s what Costis was mapping, right? (nope)

How many has Gen killed now

328. Who. Pol? Ambiades? (The cairn man question remains)

Oh no

Oh no. you can fall from a horse

HILARION!

Is Fordad a spy?

I am just not accepting this yet

WAIT THE MEDES TOOK HIM! (I thought the Attolians had taken Gen, or Gen’s body, at first.)

330. wow things only Pheris can do

GDI Erondites

WOW THIS IS A VILLAIN TEAM UP

332. You gave it to him dude (Nahuseresh asking “Why does he still have this?” about Gen’s hook)

I love Gen. I wonder if he’s afraid.

This is bad.

Whose treason, whose betrayal?

333. Yeah! Kamet said so (“Tell me again that you are king.” “Annux, if you prefer.”)

334. Oh god.

Get your stories straight bastards

Rolled in a rug!

336. Oh gen

Oh god

Yeah this is …

Be careful what you ask for

338. What did he sign as, though, Attolis? Eugenides?

Nomenus wtf

What does mwt have against facial hair (Fordad, Nahuseresh)

Costis please come (idk how I thought he was going to help, but I was in Costis Denial and expected him to show up at any moment)

Everyone must be going through a lot

A face like an open grave

Gen.

Gen I love you

YES

YES

Is he … invulnerable now?

Gen what.

Is he possessed? Is he already a god?

341. Yeah same. (“I think he meant that I should not fear him, either. I did, though ... I still followed him”)

This isn’t being self indulgent or overreaching, is it?

342. RIP Ion Nomenus

“My work”

Oh Nomenus

Does he just exist for the morally gray and loyal angst feelings? It works (...)

344. What did he DO

Yes! Swearing Gen!

345. love all caps Gen

Those names

Aaah

346. Ooof.

Chapter 9

347. moon promises

Yeah

Noooo Philologos :(

Legarus … :(

349. Gen what what

Sparks

Costis? Stenides? STENIDES?

Wow ok he killed Bu-seneth

350. god

See I said Nahuseresh shouldn’t have said that

Also is Gen a bastard

351. WHAT (“Because your council had just voted to kill him”)

Oh Helen

Oh Irene

Does he invite him in?

This is reassuring to the reader (“He can bear his god a little while without losing himself”)

Aaaaah Galen

354. Gen that’s a lot. A lot.

Don’t kill everyone.

So so so x7 of doom

Bye Yorn

I hope he wins too

Go away Nahuseresh

Omg

another fall

Interregnum

Ok it was Lader (when you don’t know who the man at the cairn was, keep on guessing!)

Yeah the circumstances thing is back

Oh god

Oh no

Chapter 10

361. how long has it been?

362. three days

I love them (Elephants! My excellent queen!)

You promised to trust him

364. Oh no. Oh no. (Relius)

370. These Helen convos…

371. Sad. :(

372. Emtis and Lader

Yeah.

Omg

374. Wow

Steal by elephant?

377. Don’t forget about Dite!

378. He’s gonna kill him?

379. Is Dite dead too?

Oh Sejanus

Oh I see

He’s got a mercy taste too

380. Switching!

Lying in moonlight. Hm.

381. Yesss

Nooooo

383. I’m nervous

Gods blessing on your road

Wow. <3

They would have fallen… (if Pheris had gone through with his plan, that’s how they both would have died)

Did not expect Sejanus feelings in Rott.

Chapter 11

386. He’s gonna know. But the trust.

Ion knows.

390. Gen…

Pheris is Lyopidus?

I’m scared

393. I kind of love Ion

More Sejanus, bring it on

I’m nervous

Hmmm… who could it be

395. MoW :( <3 I will not be ok if he dies too

Gen knows the way bc Costis (nope)

Oh my god these two (“I lied” “I know”)

Chapter 12

398. Oh no.

This is not

Her Thief

Irene. “only sleeping” this is what Eddis said to her

But mist… water???

Face touch

402. not living or dead. King

Yes. But no.

403. crying at everything and the MoW next to him

There he went

It was the Eddisians. He fought with them.

404. yeah that’s a lot to deal with, Pheris

405. what a mystery man (Sejanus)

Lol mysterious exit averted

Excuse me that was a difference

406. :(

Am I king

407. Helen is once again right. She’s also always right

MOIRA was Melisande???!??!? (who even knows)

409. ?? Irene?

Same as for Dite. Man loves his brothers. (nephews. you know what I mean.)

Nice.

AAH yup. Add it to the list (“How neatly you tie them together” ... the list of is ways Gen and Irene are becoming more like each other)

410. speaking of which where is Costis!

Hm… what god was that

I love their reactions

411. SPLENDID.

Oh Irene. It’s true <3

It’s so true (“When the king gives his heart he gives it completely”)

Now I’m crying again, at them

412. Gen, she has a point.

Amazing. I … I don’t think she meant to ask like THAT

Jesus, Gen.

You do not know a wagon from a wheelbarrow

413. Irene!

She’d better get home safe.

Gen!

Omg

414. I have another bad feeling, about Gen

415. High king or queen though?

Magus <3

Chapter 13

416. “of course”

That’s ominous

417. No! Sejanus!

A gut wound yikes

418. sadness

419. lol “ill will”

We’re in Roa. My heart’s pounding.

422. I love Gen.

YESSS

Yes I love them.

Sheep.

Kamet!!!

?!?

Costis. Mattresses exist.

424. Oh no.

426. roof dream

Good roof dream

Good job Helen

428. TWINS. Everyone was RIGHT

Reyatimi

Oh shit. The sky.

Oh dear. :( aaah

430. Climbing the rigging!

“it’s just that you have so many least favorite things”

431. I love them (Gen and Irene)

432. I love them (Gen and Helen)

433. RIGHT! I was thinking

I can’t <3 (they’re naming the baby after the MoW, and it’s perfect, and she’s not gonna tell us, huh)

OH MY GOD!!! (baby thief!)

WOW!

434. AAAAAAH (Hector! @threetoadswaltz​ finished reading before me and knew that I would explode about this and I DID, I threw my arms in the air! HECTOR!)

PERFECTION!

435. AAAAAAAAH (this was when it became clear they were going to dance on the roof)

Yes she was (as surefooted as the king)

Is this the first time she’s Irene

Yes.

I’m filled with happiness

Celia and Lavia again … lol.

Lol Chloe

THALIA

CRENELATED wall

HE’S ALIVE

Kamet is a sweetheart

The gods!!!

The gods!

Aracthus

Mystery goddess?

Ula?

Moira! Yes!

(I was very happy. The page itself:)

Alyta’s Missing Earring

Wait. Was it Alyta.

Glad we got a bi god (with all due respect to Immakuk and Ennikar, whose bi-ness and godliness is perhaps more up to the reader)

Got very bi very fast

Also. He’s Gen.

Interesting difference in story

Kathodicia!

Are we literally getting ALL the answers? (No. But so many more than I expected!)

Gen’s grandfather sucks

An urn huh

Omg. Heiro’s earrings?

Oh my gosh.

Same, Gen. Same.

Obvs Phresine knows.

Is Phresine a goddess?

Same, Gen. Same.

She got to tell a story! She is so happy!

I think he’s a little scared

Moleskin

Yeah peace huh

This series is socially sanctioned silliness

1000 Eugenides. Wow.

They did melt though

Little thief.

<3 <3 <3

He’s a character in a story

A big question

Tamarisk? Takima? (We are not getting all the answers.)

That’s it! Thank you for reading - it feels very self-indulgent to type up all of these, but I will honestly take most chances to relive the intense and wonderful experience of reading this book for the first time, which often means looking back at my own notes and sometimes means sharing them with people. Also, I really love reading liveblogs/real-time book thoughts, so here is one from awhile ago ... all at once.

Anyway, check out this word cloud from all of the notes (made with this site):

It’s ... mostly just character names, with a variety of words that express my enthusiasm and feeling (love, lol, wow, yes, excuse me...). Gen is the biggest because I said his name 115 times! Here are some totals for the other characters who came up a lot:

115 - Gen (and 10 Eugenides)

42 - Pheris

26 - Costis

18 - Irene (and 6 Attolia)

16 - Helen (and 8 Eddis)

10 - Sophos (and 4 Sounis)

12 - the magus

11- Kamet

11 - Teleus

10 - Relius

9 - Ion

6 - MoW

6 - Moira

5 - Sejanus

These don’t fully represent how much I had to say about them, because I didn’t always refer to people by name or title ... which kind of explains why Costis’s total is ridiculously high compared to how much he is in the book -  I likely have more notes about other characters, but I didn’t need to bring up their names because they were already present in the scenes I was taking notes on (for example, I think I talked about Relius more than Teleus, the magus, or Kamet, but many of those just referred to him as he, because it was obvious to me who I meant). But also I was just looking for Costis! Anyway. My use of names and titles for the monarchs also really illustrates how much this book reshaped the way I think of these characters’ relationship to them, Gen’s and Irene’s especially.

It’s representative of my feelings about this series that I wrote “I love them” about so many combinations of characters. Who, exactly? And how many times? Well...

5 - Gen and Irene

4 - Gen and Helen

2 - Gen and Pheris

1 - Gen, Irene, Helen, and Sophos

1 - Helen and Sophos

1 - Costis and Kamet

1 - unknown combo of Gen, Pheris, and Relius on p.166, I love them all and can’t remember. Kamet’s map was there, too, and I do love Kamet, so maybe he was in there too.

no matter what the numbers say, I love them all endlessly, and I love this book.

be blessed in your endeavors, yes I will take any questions about these notebook screams, etc.

[another-snape-story]

Night of Confessions

Chapter XV

After hastily bandaging his leg, Snape hurried straight to your private quarters. The other day he’d never had a thought of visiting you in such a late hour, but tonight everything was different.

“Please, open it,” he knocked at your door. “I need to talk to you…”

No answer followed.

His head almost resting on the wooden surface, Snape called out your name over and over again. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he repeated – all in vain. Not a sound, not a rustle was to be heard from inside.

Frustrated, torn by hatred for himself, he gave up. The flat of his palm hit the door one last time and hopelessly slid down. Devastated, he remained standing there at the threshold, realizing he’s lost the only source of joy in his miserable life. But – what if you were not there? What if –

Snape rushed up to the Entrance Hall and out across the Viaduct Courtyard, past Greenhouses, right to your office. The last bit of hope which smoldered inside him now flared up, once he saw a dim light seeping through its windows.

Stepping carefully, almost stealthily, Snape found you curled up in the armchair. Unaware of someone’s presence, you cried quietly, yet selflessly. Snape’s heart shattered into pieces. Remorse mercilessly clenched its fists around his conscience, as he watched you through the doorway, not daring to enter. It was the first time he saw you crying. Tormenting awareness of being the reason of your tears seemed unbearable. Each second of hesitation caused excruciating pain. Unable to endure this any longer, Snape strode inside.

You jerked, frightened by unexpected stir at the entrance. A brief look was enough to recognize your visitor. You held your breath to suppress weeping and turned away not to let him see your face.

“Leave,” wiping tears away, you rose up to your feet and walked up to the windowsill, where fancy pots with various plants lined up a quaint multitude. Vision still hazy, absentmindedly, you stroked the leaf; not that it was dusty – you just needed to put your hands somewhere.

“No.” Snape slowly approached you from behind. There you stood – so fragile, so vulnerable. Your shoulders still shuddered a little. He instinctively reached out to wrap you into his arms, but stopped halfway – you wouldn’t accept him, not now. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. Words came out hard. “I’m not expecting you’d ever forgive me… I lied about the dog…”

No matter how wrong everything turned out just a while ago, internally you felt the need of having him beside. The fact that he came after you, that he found you here in the middle of the night meant he didn’t wish to leave this matter unresolved. Neither did you. You were ready to forgive him just for that.

Uncertainly, you turned to face him. A short woeful glance – and you lowered your head, embarrassed of how ugly, unattractive you might’ve looked.

“The forbidden corridor. That’s where I’ve been,” Snape continued. “The dog bit me, when I tried to find out who was after the stone…” His thoughts seemed to twist together into a confused mass – there was so much he wanted to say, but couldn’t put into words. “I lied to protect you! Keeping you safe – that was my only motivation. And this letter... the moment you saw the inscription… I worried about you! If you needed any sort of help, you could always count on me – that’s all I actually wanted you to know,” he sighed despondently. “I have no excuse for those words, I can’t explain why I had to say it. Of course, you don’t have to – Merlin… I’m bringing it up again…”

Shocked, overwhelmed with gratitude, yet hopeless, demolished with guilt – overflown with emotions – you threw yourself onto his chest.

“If I tell you, you’ll never want to look at me again,” you whined desperately. “You’ll despise me!”

You felt his hands land mildly on your shoulders, as he drew you closer.

“I swear – whatever you say, it won’t change my attitude towards you,” Snape promised quietly, his heart bleeding out.

“Oh yes, it will! It will, Snape!” you sobbed, clutching at his robes. You were so afraid of losing him, but now it seemed to be inevitable.

Without words, he pressed you tighter to himself and rested his chin on top of your head. He would hold you in his arms as long as you needed to calm down.

Tiny forks of flame continued dancing on the candlewicks, lightening two motionless figures merged into one another.

Realizing it couldn’t last forever, you pulled back a little, slipping out of Snape’s hold. Wrecked, emotionally drained, you stood before him utterly exposed. It was pointless to worry what he might think about your swollen face with tears smeared all over any more – another few minutes, and he would never turn his head in your direction.

“Come here,” Snape walked you to the armchair, his voice as soft as his touch. The man’s attention made you want to cry again, and your lips twitched. “Here we go,” he helped you sit, so carefully, as if you were not able to do it yourself and took place on the other armchair, opposite to yours.

“If you still want me to leave – I will…”

You vigorously shook your head.

“Okay… We don’t need to talk, you know. Let’s just sit here for a while…”

“It’s a long story,” you warned him apathetically, resigned with the worst outcome, which was now not to be avoided. What was the sense of delaying it?

“We have enough time till the morning,” Snape smiled mildly, but you didn’t answer.

“Before coming to Hogwarts, I was working in the Scientific Wizarding Assembly. You know it, I suppose.”

He nodded.

“I quitted because my boss was an asshole. He stole my research results. No credit of course. I was so pissed, I wanted to take the shit out of him.”

Snape listened attentively, his eyes fixed on you.

“I falsified some data, hoping he’d screw up. But he just gave it a go! Without testing!” your voice trembled. “Six men were injured severely, two men died! I didn’t mean that, Snape…” tears streamed down your cheeks. You covered your face with your palms, “I had no intention to harm someone…” you wept.

Snape frowned, deep in thought. “Do you still have this letter? May I have a look?”

His question surprised you. You’d expect anything, but this! You weakly came up to your working place, picked the creased sheet of paper and handed it to Snape, who followed you to your desk. You sagged back into the armchair, while he remained standing, intently studying the content.

“That’s where hurt pride and ambitions led me…” you sighed grievously, “…to Azkaban… I deserve this…”

“Stop it. No Azkaban.” His tone so firm, so resolute – the one hard not to believe.

“He says he’s going to imprison me…”

“Just words. Did you answer him?”

“Not yet.”

“Good.” The letter in his hands, Snape slowly strode across the room back and forth, his eyes running through the lines, and yours following his every movement. “So the accident happened after your dismissal.”

You nodded.

“They used your materials without contacting you,” he specified, and you nodded again.

“They carried no tests before bringing your data in operation,” Snape continued summing up the facts.

“He didn’t say it,” you sniffled, “but it’s evident according to the consequences.”

“It is,” he agreed. “Was it an accomplished piece of work?”

“Yes,” you sighed.

“Signed or officially approved any other way?”

“No.”

“It is not valid,” he gave you an encouraging smirk. “Ignore this man. Do not answer his letters. Especially – don’t try to exonerate yourself. The case will be investigated, we don’t need unwanted details to be revealed, do we?”

“But people died, Snape!” you exclaimed, bursting into tears again.

He carelessly threw the damned piece of paper aside and hurried to comfort you.

“It’s not your fault,” sitting on the edge of the armchair, he leaned forward and took your hands in his. “It’s not your fault, don’t blame yourself.”

“You’re not disappointed? Not disgusted?” you looked at him in disbelief.

“I have no reason to be,” he tightened his grip to let you know he really meant it.

“I’m sorry, Snape… I’m so sorry for throwing stupid reproaches you in the face,” you cried, unable and unwilling to hold back.

“It’s okay,” his quiet deep voice caressed your ears, while his hands caressed yours.

“I do trust you! I do! Truly! Entirely!” eyes locked on his, you desperately tried to see if he believed you.

Snape smiled sadly. “There are still many things I can’t tell you.”

“Yeah… I bet,” you gasped for air to even your breathing. “Maybe someday?”

“Maybe someday…” he reassured.

Relieved, untensed, you both sat in silence for a while.

“Snape?” you called him in barely a whisper.

“Hm?” his detached glance regained meaningfulness, as he raised his head to look at you.

“May I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead.” Although the serious tone of yours suggested it would be tough, Snape couldn’t reject you at this point.

“But promise to be honest with this one?”

Your eyes full of hope, would he dare to betray them?

“You’re putting me in a difficult position,” not very happy with available options, Snape sniggered bitterly.

“Please? Just one answer to just one question.”

“Okay,” he agreed.

“Have you ever done really bad things?” you asked, peering him in the eyes.

Calculating, what would damage your relationship more – if he lied or if he told the truth, doomed, Snape dropped his head. And this already was the answer.

“Don’t…” you stopped him, not willing to force the man so dear to you to say it aloud. “I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry…”

“I have,” he admitted. “Really – bad – things.” It took him all his courage to look at you again.

You’ve never thought you’d ever be so happy to hear a thing like that. You freed one hand from his grip and put it atop.

“Whatever it is,” you smiled gratefully, “my attitude towards you wouldn’t change.”

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[tiny-maus-boots]

Queen of Hearts pt 10

10. Stacked Deck

“You’re really alright?”

Stacie smiled and dipped her head in a slight nod. The last few hours of her life had been a rollercoaster of unexpected emotions and events but by far the most unexpected was this. Helene gave her daughter’s arm a gentle squeeze before hesitatingly pulling her into an awkward but heartfelt embrace. It was the first in a long time that actually felt…unscripted.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Really.” It wasn’t the ideal introduction to her life that she’d wanted for her mother but it was what it was. Stacie shook her head a little and pulled back so she could look her mother in the eye. “We’re going to be fine.”

“I wasn’t asking about Aubrey.” There was a decidedly crisp tone there, shattering the tender hope that maybe things might be okay and Stacie felt the muscles in her back tighten in anticipation of what was coming. Her arms dropped away in from the short-lived hug. “Aubrey is not my child. You are.”

“No but she’s a part of my life and she’s going to be my wife, mom.” Stacie sighed and shook her head realizing that to continue would only bring a fight she didn’t have the energy for. Especially when all she wanted to do was go home with Aubrey and find out what happened. “You know what…never mind. Thank you for your concern but you don’t need to worry about it.”

She started to turn back to get in the car when Helene pulled her back with a desperate grasp. “Wait…”

“For what? I know how you feel already.”

“No, you do not. That has always been your problem Anastacia, you are so brilliant and observant that you think you know everything! Admittedly, you’re correct an irritating amount of the time but you do not know everything. Don’t presume to know what even I do not.”

Helene took a breath and settled her posture in a camera-ready pose. It was a habit so deeply ingrained that she doubted her mother was aware of it. She gave a nod of apology and Helene let the rigidity of her spine relax.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re worried about me but…”

“I don’t have to be. Yes. You’ve said.” The older woman took a step forward and sighed softly. “I came looking for insight into your life. That old adage of be careful what you wish for suddenly rings truer than ever before.”

Stacie chuckled and nodded her head. “Yeah. Today was a lot. Thank you for coming with me to the station. It meant a lot to me that you were there. Maybe I don’t know how you feel about things but I know what all this looks like.”

Silence swallowed them up as her mom considered her next words. “It looks to me that you care about Aubrey very much.”

“I do.”

“It also looks like she cares very deeply for your happiness.” Her head came up quickly in question but Helene gave no further explanation as she went on. “Politically speaking this could ruin your father’s career and standing within the party.”

“Spoken like the wife of a Senator.”

A small smile graced Helene’s face making her eyes soften. “Speaking as a mother…I worry that this life will put you in physical danger.” Stacie’s brows came up and she opened her mouth to speak but Helene raised a hand to stop her from saying what they both already knew. “I know. Perhaps too little, too late. What I am saying is that…I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. I failed you in many ways Anastacia, I don’t want to fail you again.”

Oh. It was hard to hear that, perhaps because she’d always wanted to hear some kind of acknowledgment that her mother ever cared about her at all. She’d been holding on to a resentment knowing this moment would never come, so sure that her mother had given up all real maternal feelings for her the moment the umbilical cord had been cut. And now she didn’t know what to do with the feelings she never thought she’d have to let go. It was going to take her some time to unpack all of that and process it.

“Can you be happy for me?”

It was the only question that actually mattered at the moment. What she needed from her mom wasn’t a protector. Not anymore anyway. What she needed was support. Some kind of affirmation that no matter what her mom would be a part of her life even if some aspects of it caused her to worry.

“Will it undo our tentative truce if I say I’m trying?”

Stacie smiled and wrapped her arms around her mom in a tight hug. It wasn’t a rousing yes, and she didn’t expect it to be. But it was honest and real and that was enough for her. Helene stiffened for a second then retuned the hug with a gentle squeeze. It wasn’t totally okay and they both knew that. Life wasn’t a sitcom where differences were resolved with a heartwarming hug and a cued laugh track. But there was a new understanding between them. Maybe now they could start rebuilding the bridge they burnt down so many years before.

 An hour and a half later she was still replaying the conversation in her head. Aubrey unlocked the door and pushed it open before glancing inside and stepping in. Stacie was right on her heels, lost in thought and unprepared for the arm that shot out across her chest to keep her from walking in further. Keen green eyes searched the interior of the entry as she reached to the small of her back and pulled her gun from its holster.

“Stay close.”

Stacie nodded and placed a hand on Aubrey’s back, following her in past the stairs and into the living room. The blonde stopped abruptly with a growl and put her gun away before stepping into the entrance of the large room. Stacie edged behind her fiancée and poked her head around the other woman’s shoulder only to see Detective Mitchell in all her smirky glory lounging on Aubrey’s white leather couch with her motorcycle boots propped up on the glass topped coffee table.

“Hey, Daddy. How was the pokey?”

“I swear to Christ, Mitchell…one of these days I’m going to shoot you. Get your damn feet off my table.”

Detective Mitchell grinned widely and lowered her feet to the ground. “Sorry. You’ll be happy to know that your lawyer filed a restraining order against our department but I don’t know if that will stop the Feds.” Aubrey nodded and moved to the mini bar to pour them all a drink. “Water for me, thanks.”

Stacie and Aubrey looked at each other in surprise then glanced at the small brunette. Aubrey shrugged and grabbed three bottles of water from the mini fridge. Had it been anyone else neither of them would have batted an eye at the request but it was Beca. She never turned down a drink.

“How did Agent Esposito take the news that LAPD is backing off?”

Beca took the water bottle and shrugged. “Well I’m pretty sure she’s possessed cause her head almost started spinning.” She took a sip of her water still smiling at the memory. “But I don’t know, Posen, we’re missing a beat somewhere. I talked to my guy at the Bureau and he seemed to think you’re just some low-level capo. I don’t think they were looking at you seriously.”

While she appreciated the visual, Stacie didn’t think Alice’s tantrum meant anything but more trouble despite Beca’s assessment of the FBI’s interest. Aubrey seemed to think so too because she nodded and settled herself on the couch next to the detective. “She’s like a dog with a bone. She’s not going to let this go if the Feds can really pull together a case.”

Stacie frowned at that as she settled into a chair. “How can they have a case, no one knows anything and Weston is dead.”

Aubrey sighed deeply and leaned forward so her elbows rested on her knees. “They have images of me boarding Whitman’s boat. It’s not enough but it gives them wiggle room to try and find something else.”

She knew there had to be something; they wouldn’t have pulled Aubrey in if there wasn’t. But Stacie hadn’t been prepared for actual hard evidence. It left her struggling to figure out how that fit in with their life and future plans. Detective Mitchell gave a low whistle and shook her head.

“It’s bad yeah, but not the worst. Circumstantial at best and I’ve seen street thugs get out with more on them than that.” There was a bitter edge to Mitchell’s voice as she stood and headed for the door. “I’ll see if I can find out exactly what they have on you. Not that I can do anything about it but at least it gives you a place to start cleaning up.”

“Something bigger is going on, it feels like a stacked deck. Watch your ass, Bec.”

“See, Daddy? I knew you liked me.”

“Gun is still loaded, Mitchell. Call me Daddy one more time and see what happens.”

Stacie watched the detective smirk and make her way to the door in the kitchen to sneak off the property. The second the door shut she turned her gaze on Aubrey. The other woman had a faraway look as she pondered everything she had learned that day. The brunette moved from the chair to straddle her fiancée’s lap.

“You weren’t kidding about what our life could be like.”

Aubrey searched her face for a long time and Stacie suspected she was looking for any sign that this was going to break them. Stacie smiled gently and smoothed the wrinkle of worry in the blonde’s brow. This was new and a little bit scary but it wasn’t even close to changing how she felt about the other woman or any of her plans to get married.

“Ready to run away yet?”

“Only if we’re running away together.”

The thread of tension that had been just under the surface released and Stacie slid her hands under Aubrey’s jacket and over her shoulders to slip it off. Running anywhere wasn’t on her list of things to do, and especially not running away from the only person that she truly felt safe with. There were a lot of unknowns in their life right now but what she did know what an immutable truth. She loved Aubrey Posen with every bit of her being and nothing was ever going to come between them. Not their exes or families, or even the FBI.

“You know you’re quite the woman, Ms. Conrad. Thanks for coming to my rescue today. How’d you know?”

“A tiny birdy with a big mouth.” The corners of Aubrey’s lips quirked in a grin and Stacie couldn’t help but kiss each corner. “You should give her a bonus.”

“Oh yeah? Got any other business ideas?”

“Tons.” Stacie smiled into the kiss Aubrey pulled her into. Warm hands trailed down her back in a promising caress. “We should have the wedding catered by Flo. The food is amazing and the price will be right. It’ll strengthen our business relationship by giving her a foothold to a new client base. And what makes her money, makes you money. Besides my mother loved her food.”

“You know I love it when you have ideas.” Aubrey nipped at her lip playfully, hands gripping her hips to pull Stacie in closer. “Speaking of your mom…that was surprising. How much does she hate me over this?”

“She dropped by the shelter and was there when Beca called. She’s not thrilled, Bree. But. I dunno. I need space from it for a bit. It was a lot.”

Her shoulder came up in a shrug and she leaned forward into Aubrey’s body. There was no pressure to talk about anything, just reassuring acceptance and it meant the world to Stacie. She wasn’t ready yet to sift through her feelings on Helene’s visit. The arms around her tightened comfortingly and she smiled against the soft skin of Aubrey’s neck.

“I think we both need a little space from this whole scene. Maybe we should take a trip back east.”

Stacie sat up and raised a brow in question. Aubrey never did anything without a good reason. “Why back east?”

Aubrey gave a half shrug, trying not to look as nervous as Stacie knew she suddenly was. “I was thinking it was time you met The Family.”

“Wow. Did not see that one coming.”

“I figured I got to meet yours…”

“Is this business family or…”

“A little of both. You’re not just gonna be one of the wives in the family, you’re my partner. I think it’s better they know from the start how it’s going to be from now on. And I have a feeling we’ll find the answers to some of our questions there.”

The confidence was exhilarating, and Stacie found herself inhaling deeply against the rise of arousal. Aubrey wasn’t asking anyone’s permission to include her in the business side of things. Either old school mafiosos had gotten a lot more progressive in their thinking or Aubrey didn’t expect to be challenged in any serious way. Stacie’s eyes narrowed slightly. Everyone had a boss they answered to and she didn’t think for one second that she would be accepted just because Aubrey said so. Unless.

“You’re not just ‘some low-level capo’ like Detective Mitchell’s Bureau buddy thinks, are you?”

Amused pale green eyes rose to meet hers as Aubrey gave her a sinfully cocky smirk. Whatever flimsy control she had over her arousal was battered away by the tidal wave of raw lust that slammed through her. Stacie slid her hand down over the blonde’s chest and pulled the silk tie free from the vest. She stood on legs already shaky with anticipation and tugged lightly to urge Aubrey up.

“I think you should take me to bed now, don’t you?”

Aubrey gave a soft grunt of agreement as she let herself be led by the tie. “Like I said, I love it when you have ideas.”

Later they could figure out everything from wedding plans to avoiding prison, right now however Stacie had more pressing needs.