#and i think i may have died and gone to heaven

[botchallthethings]

OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS ANGORA RABBIT. IT IS SO SOFT.

[ickyuji]

ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 yuji x f! reader. yuji’s your best friend. dry humping. prematurely cumming. overstimulation. virgin! yuji. pretty girl! reader.

ᯓ 1.3k words. ᡣ𐭩

yuji knows he’s loved you since the day you sat pretty, right next to him. watching the way you’ve obliviously wandered right into his heart- wondering if you’ve ever looked both way before crossing his mind.

but he knows you don’t, and that’s okay. thinks the fact that you walk around with your lips curled up into a smile with bright, glittery eyes is the cutest thing ever. his heart hurts looking at you sometimes and the fact that you’re pressed warm and small against his side while the movie that he had failed to really absorb into his brain and only illuminates his face and nothing else has him a little squirmy.

“are you okay, yuji?” your voice, like a bell rips him from his mind. owlish in the way you’re looking up at him while your cheek is pressed to his chest, fingers playing with the hem on the pocket of his hoodie. and he can only, really nod.

doesn’t know how he’s gotten here, how his mind has betrayed him so bad that he’s been picturing your soft thighs clamped around both sides of his face. too dumb to think all of this through, you’re so close to his cock- veiled with nothing but the thin, slippery material of his shorts. slung over one of his thighs, twitching before he has the mind to reel it in.

and he thinks he may die, thinks there’s something wrong with his brain when he sees you tip your head down to look at the movement that had caught your attention. the hand gripping the back of the couch moving to cover his twitching dick- shifting to lift you off him with a pained smile.

“ah, sorry.” yuji murmurs, like it’s your fault. he truly feels like he may die- and it’s all cause his hormone addled brain couldn’t reign it in. but you’re so fucking pretty, and warm, and soft-

jumping when your manicured fingers reach for his wrist, giving a weak little tug like you wanna see what he’s hiding. those pretty eyes looking at him like you wanna pin him down and eat him alive. he can only image what sort of pathetic image is staring back at you. he knows his face is red, can feel the warmth simmer down his chest.

“i wanna see it.” you whisper, and he knows better than to say no to you- eyes shutting tight to roll in the back of his head before he comes back to you. breath restarting to come out in a pant, hand moving with the next tug you give him- and his cheeks flame with what he sees.

he was wearing nothing but a hoodie and grey shorts in preparation for cozying up to you, and he can see the imprint of his cockhead slung over his thigh opposite to the one you’ve claimed for the night.

eyes watching your reaction- preparing to high tail it out of there and fist his cock to your image. and he thinks he may have died and gone to heaven when you sit up and giggle at him.

you sit up and grab at his hoodie and settle yourself warm and perfect on his lap. he has half a mind to shift so you’re not directly on top of his poor, throbbing dick- offering you what he thinks is a more comfortable seat, catching the way you pout and look at him expectantly.

breath caught in his throat when you lean in and lick at the curve of his bottom lip, shaky hands reaching for the dip of your thighs- wondering if it was okay to even touch you. but he was at your mercy, and thinks he’s doing okay when you sigh.

trying to split his attention from his mouth to his hands, hungry when he finally has half a mind to taste you. sitting up straight to slot his mouth against your own- huffing out syllables that sound sort of like your name. hands reaching, bunching up the pretty little top you wore around your waist in his hands. and he’s just too lost to reel in his strength, tugs you closer- fitting you right over the swell of his dick. awarded with a pretty keen, and now he wants more.

“fuck, fuck.” yuji huffs when you pull to breathe, having a better sense than him to actually relent. head teetering back to lay across the back of his couch, eyes pinned down against the warm expanse of skin he’s reveled.

and to you, he looks like sin reincarnate.

it’s easy to start the slow roll of your hips, eyes squeezing tight- mirroring the same reaction he had donned earlier. watching with interest when he cants up to meet the second press of your leaky cunt over him; thrilled when he reacts like you hoped he would.

fingers reaching to hold you down, lifting you clear off the couch with how strong he is; so yuji in the way he’s carelessly seeking the pleasure where you’re joined for the moment. hips supporting your whole weight, and it should have hurt- but the heat of your cunt weighed on top his cock overrides any other sense.

you can feel the way he shakes, fucks himself with every drag- sounds tumbling from his mouth openly, shaped like your name between huffs.

and its sticky, can feel the pool of precum leaking out of the tip of his cock in between the space of his reddened head and hip. but he knows you’re worse, the singular thought has his eyes pinched shut while the wild bucking forces hiccups out of your own mouth.

shoulders bowing in before he sits up- arms reaching up to hold onto you like you’re the only thing keeping him tethered here. hands digging into the swell of your skin, huffing out syllables that sound like your name. but everything feels like its coming to a head and not even you are sure that its what he's saying. head tipped up to bury into your neck, hips fucking up against you over and over. bouncing you over his cock, just a taste of what he would do if he was actually sunk deep inside of you.

the singular thought bringing another surge of pleasure shooting straight through his core, spurt after spurt of leaky cum painting the space between his cock, body, and underwear.

not willing to let go of the feeling, this moment- continues every jut of his hips, snapping up into your body despite the hot chord of pleasure swinging into pain. choosing to grit his teeth through it, until you bring him back with an exclamation of his name.

"y-yuji!" you exclaim, hiccuped words broken with the interruption of his forceful movements.

letting him come down by himself.

your own body tensing over and over, thighs threatening to snap against his hips- poor, neglected and worst of all teased clit throbbing between slick folds.

and that singular thought, conjured up by you- seems to have made its way over to him. watching with interest the way he snaps his head up, eyes lidded- finally seeing you through the haze of lust.

"fuck, sorry. i'm sorry." he keens, hands grabbing at your waist- tugging you in closer to let his face press against the space of your tits.

thinking it was a pretty apology for how soon it all ended, before squeezing out a squeak of surprise with the sudden shift to your whole word.

bringing you down to lay back against the cushions of the couch. sharply realizing the apology was for the rough handling of your pretty body. looking at his movements with interest- wishing he looked at you directly while his thick hand shifted to the waist band of his shorts.

tugging it down, and finally, finally seeing the mess you'd made of him.

"your turn?" he inquires, eyes still settled on the space between your thighs- cheeks ruddy and warm while his hand pumped over the soft skin of his sticky, wet cock.

a smile rivaling yours just barely contained when you nodded in response.

[slmjaeyuns]

⋆｡ﾟ jake sim fics that feed my brainrot ﾟ｡⋆

my sweet, sweet love

warning: there are suggestive themes/smut that may be embedded throughout the fluff and angst fics as well)! please dni if that makes you uncomfortable!! minors dni, please‼️

part two jake fic rec list here!

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

all time favourites ♡

(fics contain a combination of genres including fluff, angst, suggestiveness, smut)

♡ unrequited love

♡ act now, think later!

♡ watermelon sugar

♡ pov

♡ your name

♡ jake sim: the first love trope

♡ kiss and make up

♡ skin on skin

skin on skin pt. 2

♡ behind closed doors

♡ brand new moves

♡ good boys go to heaven

♡ let you break my heart again

♡ ready? set…touchdown! tutor?

♡ i’ll save you (again)

♡ be my backyard boy

♡ scooby dooby doo, lookin’ for boo!

fluff ❀

❀ too close

❀ safety precautions

❀ attention, please! (rugby jake)

❀ three questions (he wished were never answered)

❀ the partner project

❀ you can find me in your arms

❀ somewhere in forever

❀ sick

❀ taste of your lips

❀ room for two

❀ 3:04 am

❀ einstein kisses

❀ kisses in the rain

another day(te) in the rain

❀ unnamed (drabble)

❀ i’ve never known someone like you

❀ fake

❀ t-shirt

❀ i love me better when i’m with you

❀ wrong order

❀ prince jake

❀ greeting

❀ jake as a boyfriend (headcannons)

angst ☽

☽ glimpse

☽ the sun

☽ worries

☽ if only i could have treated you the way you deserved

☽ sweetly

☽ skater boy

☽ please remember me when our youth is gone

☽ green with envy

suggestive/smut ☁︎

☁︎ s.o.s - skin on skin

☁︎ ping! we should fuck

☁︎ best mistake

☁︎ change up!

☁︎ air dropping love at 305

☁︎ under the influence

☁︎ simp

☁︎ nonsense

nonsense pt.2

☁︎ boyfriend

☁︎ bad boy gone good

☁︎ my neighbour’s son

my neighbour’s son pt.2

☁︎ silly mistake

☁︎ happy birthday mr. sim

my shy husband

☁︎ drunk texting

☁︎ shooting star

☁︎ best friends!

☁︎ polaroid lust

☁︎ (i just) died in your arms

☁︎ only kisses

☁︎ 12:30 am

☁︎ burn for you

☁︎ ride

☁︎ wish come true

☁︎ mischief

☁︎ what are we?

☁︎ after game

☁︎ loser no more

☁︎ attention, please!

☁︎ double lines

☁︎ love foolish

☁︎ forget me not

☁︎ sex express

[ozzgin]

What does Daos, the Romanian werewolf boy look like? What is his personality like? What was his childhood like and what made him want to be a warrior? Did his parents do some witchcraft or offerings to the gods to have a son so big and unnaturally strong? Why was he betrayed by his own people? May we get a story of how was like in battle before he became a werewolf? Love your OC!

Yandere!Werewolf Headcanons

I’m so glad the wolf boy is liked! I genuinely didn’t expect much when I wrote the story, but he’s definitely grown on me as I researched and expanded his lore. Here’s a little doodle of how I imagined him, plus a little background. I couldn’t think of any particular war story, but I came up with a funny reasoning for it instead.

Content: gender neutral reader, monster romance, character info

Background. Daos came from a family of tarabostes, or cavalry nobles. While Dacian society was divided into priests, nobles and peasants, all of them were trained for battle. "A hand above the weapon, and another holding the plough" is how they were described. Much of their culture revolved around war. Thus, even as a child, Daos spent most of his time sparring. He'd always had a sturdy build: he was taller that most of his peers, could work for hours without breaks, and his wounds were quick to heal. He was sent to serve in the army before he even reached his teenage years.

Was there witchcraft involved? Not at all. Everyone seemed to agree, however, that such strength and tenacity were not a mere coincidence. Clearly this boy had been sent by Zalmoxis himself, perhaps as a reward for their relentless pursue for victory. Daos carried the flag of the wolf-headed dragon through countless battles.

Why was he the one to be sacrificed? Well, because he was the chosen one, naturally. What better messenger for the Heavens than the godsent gift itself? Daos absolutely despised his reputation as a blessing from above.

With you. In his human form, he is quiet and reserved. You suspect the blinding aggression of his werewolf self is reminiscent of days long gone. The fearless warrior who lived for bloodshed has fallen into slumber, only awakening under the guide of a full moon. You can only imagine what kind of battlegrounds required such boundless violence, as he speaks little of his barbaric past.

Maybe it’s too painful to remember, you assumed.

“Before I died, you mean?” he asks with a raised eyebrow, looking up from his book. “I didn’t think you’d be curious about it.”

“I didn’t want to intrude, and you never mention it”, you explain sheepishly.

“That’s…” he purses his lips, visibly uncomfortable. “I just assumed you’d find it boring. I’m an old man. I didn’t want to saddle you with embarrassing war stories.”

You watch as a deep blush spreads across his face.

“Oh my God”, you remark, baffled by the realization. “Is that why you never…you’re terrible at this.”

He gently pats his lap.

“Come here. I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

[Main Story] | [More Monsters]

[shiftinglea]

Death doesn’t exist.

Interestingly, in order for me to accept that I was the creator of my life, I had to learn more about death. It was a missing puzzle piece that allowed me to remember that I am God and can manifest whatever I desire.

But before that, I was quite doubtful about my ability to create. I would persist and believe (or try to anyway), but underneath all that, I had this encompassing fear of failure. Fear that by the end of my life, I would still not have succeeded with my manifestations. Fear of dying in regret and disappointment for not experiencing the life I desire.

And I thank my soul for guiding me to the book “Home with God” by Neal Donald Walsch, which allowed me to remember that there is no death. This book is a dialogue between the author and The God (aka the source of everything). When I was reading that book, it didn’t feel like I was learning something new. It felt like remembering something I already knew.

And in this post, I’ll be sharing information about death from that dialogue. Obviously, it’s your choice to believe it. But I would recommend you not listen to your mind. Listen to your soul; it speaks to you through your feelings. Intuition. Allow yourself to FEEL the information I’m sharing. Do not use logic for that; it’s quite limiting. So here we go:

Learning about death allowed me to stop fearing dying in regret and disappointment, which then produced confidence in my manifesting abilities and feeling at total peace every single day. There is nothing to be afraid of. Why? Because death doesn’t exist, and this is what I mean by that:

When people speak of death, they mean the end of life. But your life never ends. It’s the physical body that dies, and then at that moment, you discover that you are still alive. You keep on existing just in a different form. Death is simply an experience of leaving 3D and entering another dimension. And what’s the most fascinating thing: it’s different for everyone, or the experience of it is more like. Same with your life in physical form: it’s different for everyone depending on your beliefs, perception, and assumptions. You choose the experience of your life (consciously or unconsciously). The same with death: you choose your own experience of it. But what’s the same for everyone is that “death” has 3 stages.

The first stage is the same for everyone. “In stage one, at the moment of your death, you will instantly experience that life has gone on. This will be the same for everyone. There could be a brief period of disorientation, as you come to realize that you are not with your body, but, instead, are now separate from it.” During this stage, you realize even though your body died, your life hasn’t ended. For most people, it will be the first time they realize that they aren’t their bodies. The body is something you have. It’s not what you are. And then you move into the next stage.

The second stage is where everyone’s experience is unique depending on their beliefs about what happens after death:

• If you believe in reincarnation, for instance, you may experience moments from previous lives of which you have no previous conscious memory.

• If you believe that you will be enfolded in the embracing arms of an unconditionally loving God, that will be your experience.

• If you believe in a Day of Judgment or a Time of Reckoning, followed by paradise or damnation for all eternity, you will experience being judged and the judgment will turn out exactly as you imagined it would.

• If you died thinking that you deserve heaven, you will immediately experience that, and if you think that you deserve hell, you will immediately experience that. Heaven will be exactly as you imagined it would be, as will hell. If you have no idea about the specifics of either, you will make them up right on the spot. Then, these places will be created for you that way, instantly. You may remain in these experiences as long as you wish.

What’s important to know is that there is no Hell. But you can create hell for yourself if you choose to or believe that’s what you deserve.

However, you won’t stay there for one moment longer than you choose to. The moment you decide that you are done experiencing it, it’s finished. The same with Heaven.

Everyone remembers in the 2nd stage that they create their reality: in the physical and spiritual. In the physical realm, our creations may be delayed. But in the spiritual realm, our manifestations are instant. So you can experience whatever you desire for however long you wish. You can relive your life again or create a new one and enjoy that life for however long you want, and it will feel as real as in 3D. So during the 2nd stage, souls remember that they create their experiences and it’s instant. When they are done experiencing their creations, they move to the 3rd stage.

During the 3rd stage, you experience Ultimate Reality, which is merging with the Essence (God/Creator of all). You are enveloped with the infinite source of love and peace. You become one with The Creator. This is where you came from. It’s pure void. You are a pure being.

Every aspect of itself, every “good” and “bad” trait the soul thought it had is being absorbed by the Creator. It melts all shame, pride, fears, every character trait and leaves the soul with a beautiful emptiness. Experiencing nothing but Oneness. “Now you are merged with this Light and you feel dissolved. This “melting” completes the change in your identity. You no longer identify yourself in any way or at any level with the separate aspect of being that you called “you” in your physical life.”

The most fascinating thing is that you can experience the merging with everything during your physical life. This is what the void is for. When you reach the void state, you merge with Oneness where creation is instant.

During the 3rd stage of death, you can stay merged with the Creator for as long as you desire. But you won’t stay there forever because that’s it’s not what you desire. Because if you stay forever in this pure bliss and ecstasy, you would stop identifying it as “bliss” and “ecstasy”. Because there is nothing else there. There is no opposite of that. So you will desire to recreate yourself anew and choose your next physical incarnation because that’s the only way for you to experience your own magnificence.

The purpose of death is to reestablish your identity and to help you remember who you really are: One with God, an infinite source of creation. The purpose of physical life is to experience this knowing.

I want to point out the importance of your system of beliefs because they shape your life and your death (during the 2nd stage). You are constantly creating your reality. In physical life and after that. Some people think different rules apply in death (or in life). But no, it’s the same rules, the only difference is that your creations are instant after death. But again, they can be instant in your physical realm if you choose to believe that you can create instantly. It’s all about your beliefs and assumptions.

For most people who aren’t into LOA and don’t know that that’s are creators of their reality, their “death” will be the moment of remembrance that they are indeed creators. That they never stopped creating and they will see it clearly. But they don’t have to wait until death to experience themselves as God and creators. You can do it in physical life. It’s always your choice. You shape your life in physical and your life in spiritual.

For me, knowing more about death allowed me to stop feeling anxious about whether I’ll manifest my dream life before I die. The fact is that I never die, I just change my form. Life is eternal. It’s the body that dies. But you are not your body. It’s something you have. It helps you to experience wonderful things that you have chosen to experience.

[sashaisready]

Since You've Been Gone: Chapter 1

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Series Masterlist

After a regrettable first meeting in the cemetery, you discover that you have something in common with a certain member of the Avengers. Unfortunately, you can't choose your neighbours, even in death.

(Setting is approx. post TFATWS)

Hi, I'm back! I have no idea where this came from, or where it's going! So apologies as updates may not be consistent while I figure it out. Warnings for death of parents, grief, mentions of cemetery/graves - please tread carefully if these are triggers for you.

🍂

It was a chilly Autumn day, but not unbearable. Your coat could more than handle the frigid breeze. You squinted at the headstone as you crouched on your knees, angling your head to make sure you hadn’t left any streaks or marks from the polish. Satisfied with your performance, you trimmed a few of the roses that were leaning against it before standing and taking a step back to admire your handiwork.

Immaculate as always, so neat you could almost be fooled into thinking you weren’t even outside. You could hear your parents’ voices in your head now, joking about being able to keep their graves far cleaner that you ever managed your bedroom to be, their frequent nags falling on deaf adolescent ears.

You smiled sadly as you looked at the intricately engraved text below their names on the shared stone:

Beloved parents taken too soon,

Waiting in heaven to be reunited with their only daughter

You’d never really like that phrasing; it was a little too whimsical for your tastes – especially all these years later. But a recently orphaned teenager wasn’t exactly an expert in choosing the best headstone wording. You’d been more than happy to let your aunt and the funeral home lead the way, too paralysed by grief to make even the smallest decisions in the hellscape that was death admin.

Still, you’d never want to upset your aunt by getting it changed, there’s a lot of strange emotion tied up in grief even when time has passed, and that mourning teen has become an adult. And it wasn’t like new headstones were cheap anyway…

As you packed up your cleaning kit your attention was drawn to the two graves next to your parents’ - George and Winnifred Barnes. They had both passed several decades earlier, long before your parents were buried next to them. They had died only a few months apart according to the text…maybe they’d couldn’t survive without each other.

It was easy to infer that they no longer had anyone left earthside. The graves had been long untouched, unkempt, and overgrown, the inscriptions getting harder to read – and you’d never seen any evidence of a visitor in all your time coming here. Except of course when the cemetery staff did one of their occasional mass clean-ups of the neglected graves.

About a year ago, you’d started tending to them alongside your parents. You weren’t sure why, it just seemed like the right thing to do. They were neighbours after all. And you’d want someone to do the same for your mum and dad if you weren’t around.

You’d cleaned their stones, wiped away the grime and given them a decent polish. You’d trimmed back the weeds and laid fresh flowers. The first time took a while, but after you’d got them to a reasonable standard it was all pretty easy to maintain.

You’d often wondered who they were. What they were like. The dates suggested they’d died of old age, a luxury your parents didn’t have. Were they kind? Funny? What hobbies did they have? They were around during the war, that must’ve been tough. You knew from the inscriptions that they had children who would’ve been over hundred by now. Maybe no grandchildren which is why nobody came by to see them anymore. It made you feel sad, how we could all be just a few generations away from being forgotten entirely. At least you could try to remember them.

You gave their graves a quick once over, took away the dead flowers and added some fresh roses in their place.

“Well, I’m done,” you said aloud, “see you soon, mum and dad. And you too, George and Winnifred. Sleep well”.

You sighed, walking back to your car and back to your life. You knew all too well that the dead may be still, but the world continues around them.

🍂

A week later you were back at the cemetery with your cleaning kit slung over your back, your arms full of fresh flowers.

“Afternoon, mum and dad,” you said as you placed your kit and flowers down and pulled out the foam pad that you used to kneel on, “and you, George and Winnifred”.

“Work has been kicking my ass this week,” you sighed as you got to work on your parents’ stone. “There’s only so much I can take of Brock’s moaning about the numbers…it’s getting harder not to smash my keyboard over his head – yeah I know, violence isn’t the answer, blah-blah-blah…”

You worked diligently, chatting away as you went through your maintenance tasks. It was nice, talking to them like this. You could say anything, really. No judgements, no admonishment, just silent acceptance of everything you told them. It was a bit like therapy for you. You often imagined your parents were sitting behind you as you spoke, just out of sight.

You liked to use old newspaper to buff up the marble. As you gathered your things together, you glanced at some of the headlines from the copy you’d brought with you. Lots of dreary grimness unfortunately. There was also a longread feature on the Avengers and where they were now, their photographs lined up across the top of the page. It was sad that a few of them were dead now, or at least no longer here. You felt a pang of sadness for their loved ones – you knew what that was like.

You didn’t know all the details of The Avengers and their associates, but like everyone else you knew the basics. It was a strange time, just a decade or so ago nobody had ever thought superheroes really existed…but then all of these ‘enhanced’ people started crawling out of the woodwork, revealing weapons and technology that previously had only existed in sci-fi movies. It was hard to believe, really.

You scanned the newspaper page, looking at the pictures for a few moments. You took your time studying their faces before sighing and placing it back down.

“All done…now let’s help out George and Winnie over here, looks like you guys need some new flowers…and all that heavy rain we’ve been having has really done a number on your stones…let me just-”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the gruff voice behind you demanded, causing you such a shock that you nearly joined your parents.

You spun your body away from the graves, horrified to see a man looming over you as you stared at him open-mouthed in surprise. You hadn’t heard him approach, not quite understanding how you hadn’t noticed him coming at all…

“I said what the hell do you think you’re doing?” he repeated to you, his blue eyes alight with anger.

He was big. Bigger than you. Even under his coat you could see his broad shoulders. A mop of dark hair framed his face, most likely quite an attractive face when it wasn’t pulled into a furious sneer like it was now. He wore black gloves as he pointed at you accusingly. The fact that you were kneeling on the ground while he stood towering at his full height had not gone unnoticed by you.

There was something strangely familiar about him, but you couldn’t place it. Did he shop at the same market as you? You couldn’t quite…

“I’m…I’m just-” you spluttered as you fumbled for the words, still caught in your surprise and the fact that this normally serene time had been interrupted by a stranger yelling at you…

“Get away from there!” he snarled.

You quickly realised he was talking about the Barnes’ graves. You bounced backwards, landing painfully on your ass in your desperation to do what he said. He had a chilling air of authority that you didn’t want to screw with. You weren’t trying to piss off an angry man while you were out here all alone…

“I was just tidying them up,” you managed weakly as you sat up and clutched at the flowers.

“Nobody asked you to,” he scoffed in response as he leaned over and ran a gloved finger over Winnifred’s inscription, “you shouldn’t be clambering all over graves of people you don’t know”.

You frowned as the initial shock of the encounter wore off, now annoyed now at his abrupt rudeness towards you when you only had good intentions.

“Oh, and you know them, do you?” you snapped back sharply as your felt your emotions surge and your eyes water, your cheeks hot with mortification, “well, nobody has been to visit those graves in years so-”

“Yeah, actually I do know them - I’m their son,” he spat furiously.

Your head bounced back in surprise and confusion. You curled your lip and frowned at his strange claim, he appeared to be his mid-to-late 30s at most – many years away from the very elderly man he’d need to be for that to be true.

What was his goal here, exactly?

Was this guy just looking to start an argument and decided you’d be his target? Spouting off nonsense about random graves just to mess with you?

And where did you know him from?

Despite your survival instincts, you couldn’t help but fight back. You didn’t appreciate being messed with at the best of times, let alone when you were only here to visit your deceased loved ones. Who came to a graveyard to fuck with people? And yell at them?!

“Huh? Son?” you scoffed with derision and jabbed a finger towards the inscriptions about their children, “well, that can’t be true as that would mean their kids would have to be over a hundred…and how many one-hundred-year-olds look like you…?”

“I’m 107 years old, actually,” he said venomously. He sounded utterly sincere despite the ludicrousness of his claim. His face was sullen, his eyes piercing.

You ignored the shudder that threatened to roll through you in response. It was a strangely familiar expression on his face.

Where had you seen that look?

“Oh, yeah! You’re 107…Sure!” you laughed sarcastically. “You just have the greatest plastic surgeon of all time, in fact there’s a bunch of centenarians wandering around looking thirt-”

You trailed off as a wave of recognition suddenly hit you and the penny dropped. Oh. Oh.

He wasn’t from the market…

It was him.

Your eyes panned down to the crumpled newspaper lying next to you. The same man’s face scrutinised you from the page, an exact mirror image of the brooding 3D version in front of you. A little older now, but still unmistakably the same man.

Oh!

Now you remembered that same picture on the news. Read about the terrible things he’d done before when he was under hypnosis. For the Nazis? The Soviets? Both? Flashes of recollection hit you at once, disjointed and scattered.

It wasn’t really him doing all of it, it was a mind control thing, they’d said. He was like the Captain…the first one from the 40s. Kept young…somehow. He had a robot arm. Then there was the big government pardon after he’d helped to save the world. The deep dive the New York Times had done on his assassin past. What had they said he was called? Iceman? Winter? Winter hitman?

The Winter Soldier.

Barton? Baines? No, Barnes.

Barnes.

As in…son of Winnifred and George?

Ah.

He must’ve seen your train of thought written all over your face as he nodded solemnly at you.

“Yeah. It’s me. And I only found their resting place a few weeks ago,” he said with disdain.

You got to your feet, taking a few cautious steps backwards. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. You didn’t need to be a jerk - I’ve just been coming here for years, and I’d never seen…”

You trailed off, he didn’t care. His focus was on the graves, one gloved hand gripping the top of his father’s stone as he peered down at the grass below.

You turned to leave, giving him his privacy, “I’m sorry for your loss,” you mumbled quietly as you picked up your kit.

You started to head back to your car, then turned to face him again after a couple of steps. You warily moved back towards him and leaned over, placing a single flower between the feet of his parents’ graves. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t pick it up and throw it back in your face, either.

As you walked away, you thought you felt the weight of his gaze on your back.

🍂

Another week passed and you were back at the cemetery once more, working the usual routine and doing your best to forget what had happened the last time you were here. Upsetting a war veteran slash Avengers superhero by accusing him of not being his parents’ child was impressively incompetent, even by your standards. But in your defence, he did just start yelling at you out of nowhere. And you were only trying to help. And he was a literal defiance of nature, time, and aging…

But then again, people weren’t always their best selves in a cemetery. It wasn’t exactly Happy Hour over here. And you’d probably freak out too if you caught a stranger tinkering around with the resting place of your parents. The parents who died of old age while you were cryogenically frozen and a prisoner in your own body…

You’d done a little more reading up on him, James Buchanan Barnes. ‘Bucky’. The man behind the scary winter soldier mask. The older images of him in his combat gear were chilling, as were the alleged stats of his kills, but mainly you just felt immense empathy for a man out of time. A man who had lost his youth, a limb, his autonomy, and everybody he once knew from his old life.

You tried to put it out of your mind, catching your parents up on what they’d missed and pretty-ing things up a little around their plot. You didn’t touch the Barnes’ this time, just gave them a little wave and concentrated on your own flesh and blood.

You were a million miles away, lost in the quiet fog that often seemed to overtake you when you were working in the cemetery. It was peaceful, really. This was the one place you could switch your brain off and quiet the chatter of your head, just concentrate on the tasks you knew so well by now that your hands did them on muscle memory alone.

You were just adjusting the newest flowers when a voice interrupted you.

“Hey,” it said.

It startled you as you were still in your own world and hadn’t heard anyone else approach. You whirled around slightly panicked as a pair of eyes the colour of sapphires met yours.

It was him again.

“Oh, hello,” you replied quietly.

He stared over at you, wrapped up in his coat as he was last time. His stare was still intense despite appearing much calmer than when you first met him. He wore black pants and boots, his hands tucked away into his pockets, a dark backpack slung over his shoulder. His face was more relaxed than it was during your first encounter. His blue eyes were just as arresting, but the absence of anger made them sparkle rather than burn. He had a soft dusting of stubble across his taut jawline, his dark hair was pulled back behind his head as he absent-mindedly ran a hand over it. He was…

…hot?

Fuck.

He nodded at you in acknowledgement and moved to George and Winnifred’s plot, kneeling in front of their stones. He pulled a candle out from his backpack and lit it with a lighter, placing it between where his parents lay.

You turned away sharply, not wanting to look like you were intruding during what was clearly a private moment of mourning. You focused on your own parents’ graves, clipping back the flowers as quietly as possible.

The two of you continued doing your own thing, the awkwardness thick in the air. You remembered how furious he’d been with you last time. You considered saying something, trying to explain that you were only trying to maintain the graves, but you didn’t want to provide any more ammunition for potential anger. Instead, you continued your routine in silence, keeping your eyes down.

After you finished you packed up your stuff and cleared your throat, ‘uh, bye,” you said quietly to him as you hurried down the path and back towards your car. He didn’t respond, but looked up at you as you passed, studying you intently.

[sodaabaa]

reunited a court of thorns and roses

rhysand x reader after reader is taken by tamlin, she yearns for the day she can be reunited with her mate.

tw: none

Five months. That’s how long I’d been trapped with Tamlin and his court of thorns. Once upon a time I was happy here, happy with him. Now, it took everything I had to control myself from scratching his eyes out every time he looked at me. Every word he said, every condescending explanation he gave me as to why he thought, why he believed that Rhys had manipulated my mind, drove me insane. Leaving this godforsaken place with Rhys all those months ago was the best decision I’d ever made. Now I was stuck here all over again. Caged in a rose covered prison, suffocated by piles of tulle and chiffon and silk.  

I hadn’t shown Tamlin, or anyone, any of the powers I had. I didn’t tell him what I was. Rhys and Amren had figured out that I was an angel. Centuries before the fae emerged, angels ruled the heavens and the Earth. Once the fae were created after years of evolution, the angels died out. But while the physical form of these beings may cease to exist, their souls don’t. Their souls are still here, roaming through the heavens. I guess the angels knew war was imminent in my lifetime so they breathed an angel’s soul into me when I was born and I’d gone all those years unknowing of what I was, what I was capable of. Until I had found out what Amarantha had done to Rhys. 

As if one cue, a piece of paper appeared on my nightstand with a coal black pen. 

“You’re thinking about me aren’t you” I could hear his arrogant smirk in those words.

I smiled, that bastard always knew, even if we were thousands of miles apart. I picked up the pen to write back but as I was doing so, the door opened and I quickly hid it under my pillow. My smile fell.

“I brought you some paints.” Tamlin paused, unsure of what to say next.

I merely looked out the window and said, “I have no inspiration.”

He frowned, “you’re in the Court of Spring, what more inspiration do you need?” 

The swirling night sky. The shimmering golden lights of the City of Starlight. His black, satin wings that carried the midnight sky with him. 

Oh, how sweet, your description of my city and my wings flatters me darling. 

I had to dig my nails into my palms to keep from smiling like a fool. 

Tamlin must have taken great offense to my comment, he left without giving me a chance to respond. Good. 

I anxiously pulled out the pen and paper. 

“He could have seen the note, be careful next time you prick.” 

I set the items on the desk and within seconds it vanished, and reappeared just as fast.

“I miss bickering with you. I miss you.” Such simple words yet my heart ached with longing.

I wrote back, “I miss you too. Just a few more days, I need to convince him to side with us.”

The paper vanished and never returned. 

I shifted in the bed I’d been in for hours, refusing to socialize with anyone at the manor. Everyone was blindly loyal to Tamlin and I knew if I left the manor grounds, they’d instantly report to him so I had no reason to even bother faking a smile towards those vipers. I looked out to the night sky, it wasn’t nearly as beautiful as the velvety blue skies of the Night Court but it was still a reminder of who ruled those skies and it comforted me regardless. With that thought, I fell into a deep sleep.

The voices of Tamlin and Lucien could be heard from a mile away. They were arguing over my freedom. I paused on the stairs, my blush pink dress swaying with the movement.

“How long are you going to keep her locked up hm? You can’t keep her here forever.” Lucien spat.

“Until Rhysand isn’t a problem anymore. Until I know he won’t come to take her again.” 

I rolled my eyes. Imagine being deluded enough to think you could beat Rhys, the most powerful High Lord in history. I scoffed. Their heads turned in my direction. I covered it by clearing my throat and smiling, resuming my path down the stairs.

“Good morning my love.” I held back a gag. 

Tamlin smiled, the fool really thought I was in love with him. “Good morning, we were just finishing up our conversation.” He shot a pointed look at Lucien. 

I smiled, lips in a thin line. He wanted to keep me locked up like a prisoner, still. 

I took a seat between Tamlin and Lucien. “Can we speak in private please Tamlin.” 

He gave me an exhausted look, he knew what I was going to ask. Despite that, he sent Lucien away with a wave of his hand. 

“I know what you want to say and you already know my answer.” He said.

I stood up and slammed my hands on the table, rattling the silverware.

“It’s been three months since I saw something outside these walls. Send an escort of guards with me if you want but let me go somewhere, anywhere.” I shouted.

He looked at me through his brows. “You know better than me, I could send an army of guards with you and Rhysand would slice through the brigade like butter to take you away. I won’t risk it.”

He was standing now, trying to intimidate me into compliance. 

“And I won’t be kept here like a prisoner! In what world is this love?”

“I’m protecting you!” He growled

“You’re suffocating me!” I yelled.

“Enough. There will be no further conversation about this matter.” 

I stilled. And then I felt it. I could sense him before he’d even arrived. I looked past Tamlin and to the doorway. 

Rhys. 

He was standing tall, his hands in his pockets, ever the nonchalant High Lord. His violet eyes looked over me head to toe, scanning for any signs of injuries. 

Tamlin must have noticed I was looking past him and turned. He moved to shield me, beginning to shift into a beast. I didn’t pay any attention to it. Every bone, every nerve, every cell in my body was shouting for me to run to him. So I did.

Tamlin shouted after me and guards ran in but they froze as soon as they ran into the room. It felt as if I’d been running for miles before I crashed into his chest, he stumbled back but his arms wrapped around me and lifted me up. My entire being relaxed into the embrace as I held him tight. 

“Miss me?” He breathed into my ear. 

Tears welled in my eyes as I nodded into his neck. He let me down just as Tamlin was approaching, rage burning in his eyes.

I stood in front of Rhys as Tamlin began charging. I crossed my arms and Tamlin met with a wall of light. He bounced back but got up instantly. Like twin flames, Rhys and I let out our wings, his midnight black wings contrasting with my soft white.

Tamlin froze, he hadn’t known about my abilities.

“What are you doing? He’s manipulating you, turning you against me.”

I scoffed. “You turned me against you.” 

“I love you.” He said in a not so loving tone. 

“Rhys loves me. And I him.” 

Unexpectedly, he shoved me away and lunged for Rhys who easily dodged his advances.

“You’ve gone soft Tamlin.” Rhys taunted. 

Tamlin lunged again, this time he managed to grab Rhys, who was unimpressed. 

“I’m going to skin you alive.” He said through his teeth.

Rhys merely rolled his eyes and looked at me as if to say, ‘look at this guy.’ 

Rhys grabbed Tamlins arms and twisted them, kneeing him in the gut and throwing him onto the floor all in one swift motion.

“You’re gonna have to try a lot harder to even land a punch, dear Tamlin.”

This time, Tamlin didn’t get back up. Rhys was holding him down with his mind. 

“We’ll spare your life on one condition.” I spoke to him. 

His nose flared, he’d rather die than submit to Rhys.

“You ally yourself and your army with us for the war. Hybern will slaughter your people and take your court as soon as the war is over and you know it. Don’t lead hundreds of innocent lives towards their death because of a grudge you hold towards Rhys.” I continued.

“I’d sooner die than work with him. And you. After all I did for you, traitor.” He spat.

I could feel the anger roll off Rhys. He stepped in front of me but I grabbed his arm.

“After all you did? After Amarantha, I was wasting away. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t breathe. And all you did was lock me up like a caged animal. You couldn’t even look at me longer than a second.” My voice rose.

“Do you know what the first thing Rhys did to me when he took me away on our wedding day?” I didn’t give him the time to respond.

“He looked at me, listened to me, he made me feel alive again. It’s ironic isn’t it? Living in the Spring Court where all bloom to life. Except me. I withered away like a dead rose. But I blossomed with Rhys at the Night Court, the realm of death so many call it, but it breathed life into me again.” 

Tamlin stared, blank. “Go to hell.” 

With that, I left the Manor and let Rhys have his fun. 

We landed in Velaris, my beloved City of Starlight. I was ecstatic and Rhys felt it as we walked up the steps to the town house. Home. The word kept repeating in my head, I still couldn’t believe it. 

When we walked in, we were greeted by Cassian, Mor, Azriel, and Amren. They kneeled as we stood in the doorway. 

My hand slipped from Rhys’ and I ran towards them, dropping to my knees. 

“Please don’t kneel. I just want a hug from each of you.” Tears fell from my eyes. I missed these four with my whole heart. Last I’d seen them, Cassian’s wings had been shattered, Azriel and Mor were bloody and bruised. I was worried sick. 

They all hugged me at once, I was squished in between the four of them. I let out a laugh as we withdrew from the group hug and Rhys chuckled behind me. 

“You bastards never react that way when I come home.” He walked towards us. 

Amren sent daggers at him with her eyes.

“Maybe we don’t like you as much Rhys.” Cassian said. 

“Then maybe you can find a place at the Court of Nightmares instead of Velaris, Cas. They’d be happy to take in an invalid such as yourself.” He threw. 

Cassian shook his head laughing. “You’d miss me too much.” 

The five of them began to bicker, their voices booming throughout the house. My eyes fleeted between them, trying to keep track of who was saying what. 

I smiled, It felt like I never left. 

[ms-demeanor]

Atheist condolence card like "sucks that your grandpa no longer exists and you'll never see him again, oh well"

I mean, I'm looking for a condolence card for a Jewish family (found a pretty good one, will be adding a note about a shared memory of the deceased and hopes for the mourners that their memory may be a blessing).

But also I have no idea why people find the concept of an afterlife comforting. Legitimately, that is unappealing to me and the idea that I would be artificially separated from the people that I love and reintroduced to them after a period of separation if there was no need for that time of mourning and loss seems. Bullshit? It seems like bullshit? Capricious and cruel at best?

Anyway when my grandpa died we got a phone call when they tossed is ashes into the ocean and we never saw him again! Being reminded that we wouldn't see him in an afterlife wasn't the sad part, the sad part was knowing that we wouldn't know him anymore, that we'd be on one side of a growing divide, that there was a before and an after and we had left him behind while we had to move forward. It wouldn't have been comforting to think "well perhaps someday when I have lived my life without him, I will see him again in a place where nothing from this life (all the things that I have done, all the things that he taught me) will matter because they were worldly and unimportant."

What was comforting at that time, and after the very many family deaths that I have experienced (and I've experienced a lot! I've been comfortable with the idea that I'll never see my loved ones again when they're gone since I was a very small child!), and what I suspect is comforting even for religious people who have experienced a loss is to be reminded of the people who are still on the same side of that dividing line, who we can still love and adore and support and make memories with.

Anyway. I'm an atheist at least partially because of my grandfather, who was a magician and a skeptic and took great joy in skewering the supernatural. It would be an insult to his memory to think that he was an angel lighting up a star in heaven or whatever the christian condolence cards say.

My grandpa did a sexy comedy magical immolation of my grandmother in front of crowds; there was a devil on the flier.

(grandma's the one on the right)

Pictured: Not someone who had much reverence for death or much patience for the supernatural:

(Funny story, when my dad came to visit this week he saw a 2-post 52U server rack on the driveway from a distance and asked me "where did you guys get the guillotine? Did I leave that here?")

But my family is probably *unusually* atheist and irreverent.

For atheists in general I don't know why people think that it's more upsetting to acknowledge the truth (that once people are dead you won't see them anymore) than to be told "comforting" lies (that you will see dead people again at some mystical place that you have no access to or proof of).

I *hate* hearing "they're in a better place" when I'm mourning someone I loved because that's something that's comforting for a religious person to say but dismisses both the way that I mourn and (frequently in my family) the beliefs of the deceased. They are not in a better place, they are *gone* and I don't want to imagine that they're somewhere waiting for me to join them again, I want to remember them for who they were and accept that they aren't in my life anymore.

"They're in heaven now" "they're with the angels now" "they're with their maker" - none of those things are true and they reflect an extremely limited worldview that I don't share and find pretty insipid actually! Thank you for trying to comfort me you are doing a poor job of it I'm going to go hang out and talk to someone who actually knew them and we'll share stories of what an asshole they were and what kind of crazy nonsense they got up to and what a big, important part of our lives they were and we'll start trying to make sense of how to fill the hole left behind with something practical and joyful and fun and honest that they would have loved instead of cardboard angel wings.

[brucewaynehater101]

I'm so glad you like it! Honestly, I'm pretty jealous as well. Though, I don't doubt he has the white noise generator and uses it on more than just those trips. Could you imagine Bruce and the other Bats going to the Supers, Clark, Kon, Kara, and Jon (who if I remember correctly has the best ears out of all of them) and when asked to track him down by sound, all of them are just like, "Red Robin? Oh no we can't do that." and when asked why, Clark gets nervous and says, "well. None of us have ever been able to hear his heart beat. We don't know what tech or magic he uses but *none* of us have ever been able to hear his heart. Not since he was 15. I asked you one time why I couldn't hear him and you just hummed at me!"

Meanwhile panic is rising in not just the hero community, but also the villain one. Red Robin has a *lot* of connections and if someone took or heaven forbid killed him? The Gothem Rouges remember what happened when the second Robin died, they know how bad Batman got. Now the Robin who saved them from him is gone? And now Nightwing and Red Hood and Spoiler and all the rest are on a Hunt, getting more violent like Batman did? Oh no, they are all going into hiding until this blows over.

Then there's also the villains connected to members of Young Justice. The Flash's Rouges Gallery hears that one of the Mini Speedsters is in a grief spiral and could end up seriously hurting them because one of his best friends has gone missing and is presumed dead? Fuck No. They are keeping their noses clean until it's done. So are the people who tend to antagonize Metropolis because Kon is *not* holding back. He grabbed Matallo and used his TTK to make him fall into thousands of pieces and then just stared down at him with a cold look of anger before leaving. Dr Light when to the ER when he tried to mess with the Teen Titans while both Dick and Damian were still on call and Tim was missing.

On day four of Tim being missing, Damian's head suddenly snaps up and he says, "I need to check a tracker." and the rest of the Bats follow him to the bat computer. When asked what he is doing, Damian admits, "a few years ago when I still hated Timothy, I put a tracker inside of his favorite camera, which he just so happened to bring with him on his trip. It may still be there and if he has his camera-" a few moments later, there is a ping on the screen showing the tracker is o the move, currently crossing the boarder from Kentucky into West Virginia. Tim has no idea what hell is coming for him, mostly because he figured that the Bats knew he did this every other month to unwind and relax. Traveling on a train for 4 to 6 days is his version of a vacation.

Glad for the add on. However, I think the angst reason for Tim "not having a heartbeat" would be because Kon died.

After Kon died, Tim created the machine to make sure no one else could hear his heartbeat (especially because Kon wasn't around for that anymore). When Kon came back, it was still a rough time for Tim. He was practically a feral and distrustful raccoon. Since he's still working on trusting people again, his heartbeat is still hidden (plus Kon hasn't brought it up, so Tim kind of forgot).

The stuff about the rogues is so true! That's why a few fanworks call Tim the "heart" of the batfam. I think all members play important roles and will similarly be missed. The heart comment is a cute nod to his role as a bridge and leash (he helped B obtain a larger support group and prevented him from killing people).

I like that this has Damian being the one to find out. Though Tim is grateful there's was a way for his family to find him while they were freaked out (he thought they knew about it), he's also exasperated at the tracker's existence. He probably pulls a prank on Damian for it.

Also, Tim 100% brings this incident back up with Bruce whenever the man complains about Tim's habit of overworking. He looks his father in the eyes and says, "The last time I took a vacation, you freaked out and mobilized the entire hero community to find me." They both know that's not what happened, but Tim is also not wrong.

[munchmemes]

hozier lyrics, unreal unearth edition

❛ your reflection can't offer a word to the bliss of not knowing yourself. ❜ ❛ no closer could i be to god or why he would do what he's done. ❜ ❛ what you live in, it finds a way to live in you. ❜ ❛ your heart has such darkness. ❜ ❛ i wanna be gone. i wanna run so far, i'd beat the morning. ❜ ❛ before the dawn has come, i'd block the sun if you want it done. ❜ ❛ let all time slow. let all light go. ❜ ❛ i don't need to know where we begin and end. ❜ ❛ i'd still know you, not being shown you. ❜ ❛ the first time that you kissed me, i drank dry the river lethe. the liffey would have been softer on my stomach all the same. ❜ ❛ some part of me must have died the first time that you called me baby. ❜ ❛ some part of me came alive the first time that you called me baby. ❜ ❛ these days, i think, i owe my life to flowers that were left here by my mother. ain't that like them? gifting life to you again. ❜ ❛ oh, to share the space with simple living things infinitely suffering but fighting off, like all creation, the absence of itself ... but anyway. ❜ ❛ some part of me stayed alive each time that you called. ❜ ❛ whatever keeps you around, it keeps you around. ❜ ❛ when i was young i used to guess, are there limits to any emptiness? ❜ ❛ how could you think i'd scare so easily? ❜ ❛ my life was a storm since i was born. how could i fear any hurricane? ❜ ❛ i would do it again if i could hold you for a minute. ❜ ❛ what good would it be on the far side of things? ❜ ❛ i would not change it each time. ❜ ❛ heaven is not fit to house a love like you and i. ❜ ❛ i feel lighter than i have in so much time. ❜ ❛ how could i fall when i am lifted by every word you say to me? ❜ ❛ if anything could fall at all, it's the world that falls away from me. ❜ ❛ if you need to, lean your weight to me. ❜ ❛ if we fall, i only pray, don't fall away from me. ❜ ❛ i'm starving, darling. let me put my lips to something. ❜ ❛ you can't buy this fineness. ❜ ❛ we can celebrate the good that we've done. ❜

❛ we had nowhere to go and every desire for going there. ❜ ❛ i heard once, it's the comforts that make us feel numb. ❜ ❛ it was just our turn being blamed for a world we had no power in. ❜ ❛ i haven't felt it since then. i don't know how the feeling ended. ❜ ❛ i know being reckless and young is not how the damage gets done. ❜ ❛ we knew what our love was worth when we had nothing. ❜ ❛ i miss when we did not need much. ❜ ❛ you were steering my heart like a wheel in your hands. ❜ ❛ all i needed was someone when the whole wide world felt young. ❜ ❛ hold me like water or hold me like a knife. ❜ ❛ you and i burned out our steam chasing someone else's dream. ❜ ❛ how can something be so much heavier but so much less than what it seems? ❜ ❛ you only feel it when it's lost. getting through still has its cost. ❜ ❛ if there was anyone to ever get through this life with their heart still intact, they didn't do it right. ❜ ❛ we didn't get it right but we did our best. ❜ ❛ knowing that everything will end should not change our plans. ❜ ❛ all things end. ❜ ❛ there are some things that no one teaches you that come natural as a dream you didn't know that you were in. ❜ ❛ the awful things we do to make the head go quiet. ❜ ❛ you may never know your fortune until the distance has been shown between what is lost forever and what can still be known. ❜ ❛ i don't wanna be anything but i would do anything just to run away. ❜ ❛ go look another way. ❜ ❛ look, i wanna be loud. so loud, i'm talking seismic. ❜ ❛ i will not be great but i'm grateful to get through. ❜ ❛ the memory hurts but does me no harm. ❜ ❛ the moment i knew i'd no choice but to love you. ❜ ❛ there's a part of me, i'm afraid will always be trapped within an abstract from a moment of my life. ❜ ❛ you know, the distance never made a difference to me. ❜ ❛ so, i thought you were like an angel to me. ❜ ❛ it ain't the being alone. it ain't the empty home. you know i'm good on my own. ❜ ❛ so much of the living is the being unknown. ❜ ❛ do you know i could break beneath the weight of the goodness i still carry for you? ❜ ❛ there are some people who are better unknown. ❜ ❛ darkness always finds you either way. ❜ ❛ after this, i'm never gonna be the same and i am never going back again. ❜

[justphilia]

Rating Dungeon Meshi Characters Based on How Well They Can Take Care of Me When I'm Sick

Scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best. Precaution I have bias for women.

Laios - 7/10 He'll definitely try his best, but he's not very good at it. Achieves the bare minimum of keeping me fed and making sure I take my meds, but most of the time he wouldn't really know what to do to help more. As I drift in and out of consciousness, I see him staring at me with his autism eyes through the gap of my door.

Falin - 9/10 Practically my bedside nurse. Checks my temperature every so often, makes sure to keep my forehead cool. She makes it possible for me to be glad I'm sick, though I am not sure if she knows how to cook. Fortunately, too ill to gaf. Also it's Falin.

Marcille - 9/10 She will think I am dying and because of this she's desperate to help me recover. Heh. I love the attention. But I think. I THINK. she may not know what she is doing about a quarter of the time. She'll read the instructions on my meds like 5 times before giving it to me. She'll research what kind of foods is good for speedy recovery. She'll forget to wring the cold rag before putting it on my head, and every time I fall asleep she thinks I passed away.

Chilchuck - 6/10 Like my dad. "Don't forget to take your meds." Feeds me porridge for lunch and dinner. I don't see his face like the whole day, but I'll be unsure if it's because he's purposely checking in on me when I'm knocked out or he just doesn't want to bother me at all. I can't ask, because he wouldn't answer honestly (he's embarrassed).

Senshi - 8/10 I feel like he's gonna be like my mom and feed me herbal medicine and home remedies. My recovery will be slightly slower, but I'll recover. I will be eating soooo good, 'cause he'll definitely put a spin on every meal meant to help me recover. He sits by my bedside and does his own thang while I sleep, or talk about what he put in my food as like a bedtime story. When he goes to the toilet, I cry.

Toshiro (without his retainers [not including Izutsumi]) - 4/10 Porridge is simple enough to make, I think he is capable of that at the very least. I think he'd make sure I drink enough water, and will ask if I've taken my meds yet. But that's all his efforts and capabilities. I wouldn't blame him. He wears a mask when he enters my room.

Toshiro (with his retainers) - 9/10 Maizuru alone bumped the score by three points because she'll make sure to help Toshiro keep me well fed. But because she's only helping me for Toshiro, she wouldn't go all out with the care. It's okay, their company is enough. I will most likely think I died and went to heaven. They all are wearing masks under Maizuru's order—don't want them catching it and spreading it to Toshiro.

Izutsumi - 2/10 It may be over for me. But if she sleeps at the foot of my bed the entire time and gets me packaged food and water when I ask, I'll live.

Namari - 8/10 Idk. Like! Idk! I think she's gonna be like Laios about it, like she really tries her best, but she's unsure. She's like a combo of Laios and Chilchuck—she can make me food and make sure I take my meds, but I would hardly see her throughout the day. Sometimes she'll come in and ask if I need anything, and if I ask her to stay she'll linger at the doorway then step inside. When I wake up, she may be gone.

Kabru - 7/10 I kinda...don't want him here.....like....I like his face and everything, but I feel. scared. at the thought of being sick and him taking care of me. Might be the blue eyes. Nevertheless, he's able to make sure I don't get worse. He can cook and will help me take my meds, put a cool rag over my forehead, and keep me company until I fall asleep. "I guess you owe me one!" he'll laugh lightly as my fever-fried brain stares at him, and I won't know if he's serious until he tells me so.

Mithrun - 1/10 I am Gone but also he's very attractive so I think I'll die happy.

[lineffability]

He grows tomatoes.

Well, he tries to. Crowley does not usually try to grow plants. He decides to grow them, and they obey. It's vengeance, vendetta. But lately, nothing seems to obey his will. It's weak, that will, broken into smithereens just like his heart.

And he can't even take it out on his plants. That's because Crowley has mercy.

So he tries to grow tomatoes.

It's summer (the first summer without him) and he has lodged in an airbnb in the country, and behind an old ramshackle ram-shack he has made himself a little plot of land. Well - it's all God's stupidly green earth, isn't it. But this two by two piece of earth he claims for himself. He could have at least that, right? He looks up at the sky. Frowns.

Let me have at least that.

Aziraphale liked to do things the hard way. (He's still doing that, Crowley supposes, up there. Up there. He's not dead, but it feels like it. He's gone. Gone to Heaven. Not to a better place.) Aziraphale liked to do it properly, the human way, when it pleased him. Which was often, but not always. Think: French. Nom de dieu de merde. Pardon his French.

Pardon his stupid everything.

Crowley inspects his tomato plants. He's trying to grow them the human way. Funny, that. He nurses them like he nurses his heart, and miracles won't do. He's tried.

I think I should not be encouraged to grow tomatoes, he thinks.

Raindrops fall on red and green: the plants and the vines and the tomatoes and his hair. It's August, it shouldn't be raining this much. It's been a shitty August. It's been a shitty year. Thirteen months and two weeks and one day, to be exact. Not like he's keeping count. Why bother?

There's a spot on one of the leaves, and Crowley's heart sinks before it even had the chance to ever rise. It's only one tiny, dark, black spot, but he knows what it means. It means it's too late.

A horrible month. A horrible life. Not the right conditions to thrive. Disease, rearing its ugly head, grinning. It's already too late. It's always too late. It would multiply and spread. It has already spread, underneath. Invisible to visible. It won't take long, now.

His soul is a tomato leaf.

Black as grief.

He's tended these seedlings, he's raised them, and planted them, too, and here they are before him tall and proud and still alive, and Crowley knows they are already dying. He can relate.

The sensible thing to do would be to discard it all, be done with them. It's not worth the effort, technically, to keep them alive. But to Crowley it's worth it. It has to be. They are worth it. He is worth it. Stupid stubborn perseverance, stupid stubborn hopeful heart.

He isn't immune to foreshadowing. He looks up again. Angry, this time, bitter. A bit of surrender, too.

The rain drips and drops on his face.

He looks back down, snaps the sickly leaf off with expert fingers. Continues to tend to the plants, as he will until they inevitably die. He plucks a tiny tomato. It's so small, fragile, one of the first of a doomed harvest: but it tastes sweet.

Determined, Crowley continues his labor of love, patient as with all living things.

He is responsible for these vines.

Maybe, despite everything, just maybe, he can nurture his heart back to health. (And maybe, just maybe, he is not human and does not do things the human way. When it dis/pleases him. He's always been a rebel. Just a little miracle, a little bit of life-giving defiance. So small no one notices, not even us.) Crowley smiles.

He grows tomatoes.

.

This ficlet was inspired by Louise Glück's Vespers. May she rest in peace. "In your extended absence, you permit me use of earth, anticipating some return on investment. I must report failure in my assignment, principally regarding the tomato plants." read the full poem here

[nightlyrequiem]

Would you consider writing something about detective reader and Valeria? I think it would be so cool that reader is looking for her and she’s fascinated (maybe in a twisted way/maybe she isn’t a really good person) and Valeria is interested in her bc of how she matches Valerias energy. Idk!!

One unhinged woman? I'm in love. Two unhinged women? I died and went to heaven.

I purposefully left the ending a little open ended because I want to come back to this and write a part two someday

I <3 evil women

Tags/Warnings: WLW, Violence, Stalking, Valeria and Reader Fight, Reader Has Questionable Morals

Alikeness

 Observant. Persistent. Obsessive. All qualities that successful detectives should have. You've been doing this for ten years. Like a bloodhound with a scent, no case remains unfinished when assigned to you. A good detective revolves their life around their work. A good detective is her work. You know your preoccupation with your job isn't healthy. You've lost little pieces of yourself every case. Chipped away at yourself until something new and distorted crawled out from it's shell. the newest thing bouncing around inside your skull is El Sin Nombre. A notorious and influential Mexican drug cartel leader. No one has been able find his true identity. Allowing him to live up to his moniker. Your eyes burn as you stare at your computer screen. At three different headshots belonging to three different former special forces officers. He may not even be a he.

Truman Wenchow, Seth Veros, and Valeria Garza. All had gone awol after La Araña had been dethroned. You can feel it deep beneath your skin. An inkling that has never steered you wrong that one of these individuals is your person. Finding out that Seth has died sometime in twenty-twenty narrow things down. Corruption isn't uncommon. Not in Las Almas. the reigning Cartel has always had its claws sunk deep into the local authority systems. Everyone has a price after all. Local is usually where it ends though. El Sin Nombre is far too ambitious to stay in the confines of 'local'. El Sin Nombre has expanded their reach into the hearts of Puerto Rico, Ecuador, El Salvador, and the States. This bleeds deeper than you thought. The closer you get to the truth the more dangerous this becomes.

Only a few weeks ago, just a shy of a month, you began receiving threats. Warnings to stop. It had the opposite affect intended. Your mind glossed over the words spelled out for you and instead rearranged them into something else entirely. 'You're close. Come find me.'  this could very well kill you, you're aware. late nights spent in the darkest corners of the internet have shown you just exactly what cartels are capable of. You find yourself unafraid. You've done similar things in pursuit of answers, and you will do worse to obtain more.

Out of the three suspects on your list, only one still lives in Mexico. as elusive as she is. All you're able to find are traces. Breadcrumbs left behind. Credit card history, grainy camera footage. Government documents. Getting information on Valeria Garza was like pulling teeth. Only a few former brothers in arms were able to offer up meager footnotes about the woman of the past. headstrong, ambitious, violent, efficient. You were able to track down her home, though. An unassuming property located on the quieter side of town. It's not the home one would expect a wealthy drug lord to keep but you've found that exteriors rarely match their interiors.

The sky is clear and inky. A high half-moon and it's thousand glittering eyes watch over you as wait outside of Valeria's home. It's neat and taken care of. There's a single car parked in the driveway. A dark colored SUV. Not a light on inside the house. Valeria is inside. El Sin Nombre is inside. Asleep in one of the rooms. Such a human action for such a monolithic figure. You pull on your gloves and check to make sure your firearm is working before getting out of your car. Seek and destroy. You walk up to Valeria's home with confidence. Sticking close to the rough, stony wall as you head towards the back. The backdoor is naturally locked, and you know already that she doesn't keep a spare key. 

You always come prepared. You deftly pick the lock. Listening for that small click that has accompanied you for every final act. You slowly push open the door. Overly cautious of creaking and step inside. Her kitchen is tidy. Counters free of dishes and bags. A small bowl of fruit that's beginning to rot sits dead center on the kitchen island. You make it two steps inside when she speaks. Hidden away by shadows, glaring at you from the hallway.

"You don't have a warrant to be in here, detective."

 Of course you don't have a warrant. there are leaks in the police department and trying to obtain one is not only a lengthy hassle but could also alert her that you're closing in. You prefer to keep your cards close to your chest. You turn your head to face her. Barely making out her outline.

"No, I don't." You reply calmly. You don't have a warrant. Legally you can't step foot into her home. Not that it matters to you, you have to be above the law to enforce it and there are workarounds to everything. Your heart pounds with excitement and fear. You're finally face to face with El Sin Nombre.

She steps into the kitchen. A sliver of pale moonlight cuts across her face. You can see her better. In a wife beater and sweatpants. A gold chain glinting from around her throat.

"You must have-"

You don't let her finish speaking. You have only one goal in mind and that is to exterminate. You raise your arm with the intent to kill. Her reflexes are faster, and she lunges at you. Knocking your arm down fast enough that the bullet you fire shoots into the ground by her foot. You've been in physical altercations before. Have had to fight off people. However, you were prepared for a fight those times. Valeria is much stronger than you thought. The wind is knocked out of you as you slam into the ground. The gun slides away from you and bumps into the wall but you don't freeze and panic at the loss of your weapon. You're exhilarated. Mustering up the strength to shove her off of you.

You have but a few short seconds to get your bearings before she's coming at you again. A stray punch catches you in the gut. It's nauseatingly painful and you double over, narrowly missing a blow to the head. you shove down the pain and lash out. Slamming your fist into her neck. Valeria splutters but to your dismay she barely reacts. She grabs ahold of your neck and throws you to the ground. Your back smacks down on the hard black and white tiled floor. Pain blooms purple flowers throughout your shoulders as you struggle beneath her. You hear the click of a gun and stare down its barrel. The both of you breathing heavily and regarding each other with caution. Valeria sets a foot down on your chest to keep you still.

"I have you under surveillance." She says quietly. "I was tipped off about you leaving your house. I knew you were coming here."

 Valeria's strength impresses and aggravates you. "Good for you." You reply. There's not much hope that you'll regain the upper hand here, but you cling onto that small slice of it.

"Very good for me."

You silently understand that you haven't succeeded this time. The thought angers you. You're going to die in here on her floor. Your body thrown to the streets for the stray dogs to pick at.

"I suppose this is it for me then." You murmur. deceptively calm. You've done good, but you've also done bad. Maybe this is just your punishment for all the wrongs you've done.

Valeria lowers her arm, keeping her gaze tethered to yours. There's no anger in those dark pits of nothing.

"I couldn't stand you at first." She begins. "Coming into my town and snooping around. I was going to just kill you."

You furrow your brows. "So why didn't you?" You wheeze. You wish she'd take some pressure off of your chest.

"I did my own research." She hums. "You're just an evil little thing."

Your skin prickles at being referred to as evil. "I am not evil. I find it and rid this world of it. Of people like you."

Valeria cocks her head at you, dark brows raised. "You kill the people you uncover." She laughs. "Putting you on a case is like is like putting someone to death. And last I checked it's not up to you to decide of someone is worthy of death."

"I do what needs to be done. You can relate to that, I'm sure. You've had such an impressive career, from military ranks to commanding a cartel. I bet you're very proud." You hiss. Her success is envying.

"It sounds like you admire me." she remarks, adding more pressure to your chest. Pushing out the breath from your lungs.

"You have admirable traits." You admit begrudgingly. "Too bad you used them the wrong way." the pressure is suddenly lifted as she backs up from you. Giving you room to stand. there's a dull ache in your stomach as you do.

"I was going to kill you," She continues, waving the gun at you. "but you're deranged, really. So dedicated to your cause." She says. "And I respect that, I really do. I think you can really hone those skills of yours and become something great."

"I am great." You growl. Disgusted and elated at having her respect. she smiles and trails the gun down your jaw, the cool metal sending goosebumps over your skin. Valeria just scoffs and steps away from you.

"You're arrogant and delusional." She says. "You have potential, come back when you're ready to use it."

You pause, confused.

"You're not going to kill me?" You question. Leaving you alive is a fool's decision and Valeria didn't strike you as a fool. 

"You won't be able to kill me," She says. "and I know you won't go to the police because you like to take credit for finding and 'punishing' people yourself."

Those words make you uncomfortable. It makes you sound like you're only doing it to soothe some deranged urge inside of you. You are doing it for the greater good. Your hands stay dirty to keep the world clean.

"You and I are alike." Valeria remarks quietly. Not looking away from you.

You won't be able to do anything now. Valeria has a gun, and you don't. She's right. About you not going to the police. It's not because you want to the credit. It's not. It's because you don't believe they'll do what needs to be done. Only you can. Police can be bribed, you can't. You raise your chin with defiance and take a step back towards her door.

"Be restless, Valeria." You warn. That's all you say before you turn and leave the way you came. Expecting a bullet to the back of your head that never comes. This isn't the last time you and El Sin Nombre meet. The next time it happens, one of you will die and it won't be you.

[munsonsmixtapes]

Okayyy can I request reader walking in on Eddie Diaz getting himself off, they are colleagues kinda friends both have secret feels. Honestly I just want anything to do with him my mind is ridden with thoughts of Eddie Diaz lately.

roommate!Eddie x fem!reader

cw: MDNI (18+) smut (p in v) masturbation, Eddie receives a handjob

You and Eddie had been living together for months now and things had been going pretty smoothly. He was a good roommate as far as you were concerned. He always cleaned up around the apartment when he made a mess and would be super quiet if he came home late from work.

And it didn't hurt that he was easy on the eyes. Any of the friends you brought over would always try to shoot their shot but he always told them that he wasn't interested. That was because he was harboring a giant crush on you and he was waiting around for you to feel the same way.

But that was only because he couldn't get over you. He tried. Any woman he'd sleep with, he'd just imagine your face on top of hers, trying he best not to moan your name. So, he just resorted to spending late nights with his hand, a sock, and a bottle of lotion and that seemed to work really well for him.

As soon as Eddie got home from work, he made a beeline for his room, stripping down to his underwear, his rock hard cock tenting in them. You had visited him and the rest of the 118 at the fire house and the dress you had worn had done wonders for him. And now you were about to be the stat of his fantasy as he got himself off.

Eddie stripped down and threw himself onto his bed, grateful that you weren't home and pulled out his freshly washed sock along with the lotion that he used that he kept in his drawer. He put on the lotion and put on the sock, going to town, letting his moans fall from his lips.

He kept going, desperate to seek his relief, your name coming out of his mouth this time. He could feel his vision going hazy as he got there, hitting his free hand against the mattress repeatedly. Eddie was so caught up in his orgasm that he hadn't even heard his door open.

He caught you staring at him and a let out loud scream, quick to cover himself up with his blanket. Just when he thought you were going to cover your eyes and leave, you stepped into the room and closed the door, leaning against it.

"Do you need some help?" You asked, batting your eyelashes and Eddie could have sworn that he had died and gone to Heaven because why else would you have offered that up so easily?

"Do I-what?" He wasn't denying you, but more caught off guard by your question. Was he dreaming? Clearly he must have been.

"Do you. Need some. Help." You stepped closer, leaning over the bed so that your face was close to his. If he had moved just a few centimeters, you'd be kissing.

"Please," he whined and you smirked, pulling back the blanket, seeing that he was still very hard underneath his sock. Your hand hovered over it as if asking for permission.

"May I?" You asked and he nodded furiously. You then removed the sock, feeling your mouth watering as you thought about how badly you wanted to suck him off.

"Wow, you're even bigger than I imagined," you said, your eyes wide.

"Y-you were imagining how big my dick is?" He asked, letting out a gasp at how hard you gripped his cock.

"Oh yeah," you replied, starting to pump your hand slowly, trying to get him used to the feeling. "I think about it all the time. What it'd be like to have it in my mouth, inside me, everywhere." You were saying all the right things to the point where you could already see cum leaking from his cock.

"Fuck," he whined. "Keep going." Your pumps got faster and was already getting there, so many nosies coming from his mouth. And he was hot, the back of his head being pressed against the headboard, making a mess of his hair. And he was sweating, giving his skin a nice glisten.

Eddie's hands gripped the sheets underneath him, trying his best to hold on for a long as possible, but he was already close. His vision was clouding as a loud scream ripped through him, causing his throat to become raw.

As he was coming down from it, you stood up from the bed, stripping as slowly as possible. You started with your jeans, unbuttoning them then taking them off, followed by the thong that you had worn just for him, hoping that you'd get a chance to show him. You then slowly ran your hands down your body, stopping when you got to your cunt.

You then ran them back up to the bottom of your top, pulling it up over your head, now standing completely naked in front of your roommate. The one who you had been crushing on since he moved in.

"Fuck," he whined, looking at your body, deciding that it was even better than he had imagined and he couldn't wait to get his hands on you. "Want you to ride me."

"Ask and you shall receive." He helped you climb onto him and he decided that he could watch you forever like that, wanting to feel you on top of him. Eddie reached into his bedside table drawer and pulled out a condom which he handed to you and you rolled it onto his cock.

You then settled on top of him and began to ride him hard and fast, since you knew that was how he seemed to like it. You watched him underneath you, his eyes closed, his mouth falling open. You were definitely taking a mental picture to save for later.

“Don’t go easy on me,” he said through labored breaths. “Do your worst.”

“Maybe after a few rounds,” you replied. “You can’t handle that right now.” You picked up your speed and Eddie opened his eyes, letting his gaze fall to your tits, watching the way they bounced as he you fucked him, wondering if you’d led him have his way with them.

“Yeah? You like what you see?” You asked, arching your back to give you a better view as your hands gripped his shoulders.

His hands moved to your waist, his fingers digging into the skin and you loved the way it felt, this sting of his nails in your flesh.

“Love,” he replied, still breathless. “You’re so beautiful. I-I think I love you.” He didn’t mean to say it, but there was nothing but truth in his words. He did love you and as more than a friend. You brought your movements to a halt, looking him dead in the eyes. He had really fucked up, hadn't he?

"Oh stop," you rolled your eyes, but looking into his, you could tell that he was being serious. "You're serious," your eyes widened.

"I am."

"Well, I love you too, Eddie," you replied and a huge grin broke out on his face. He pushed you so that your back was flat against the mattress. He pressed his lips against yours, smiling into the kiss. You mimicked his actions, your arms wrapping around his neck as you returned his kiss. Eddie lowered himself down onto you as he hands found yours, intertwining your fingers as he pumped into you slowly, wanting to take his time.

The two of you spent the rest of the night tangled up in Eddie's sheets, going for multiple rounds and exchanging "I love you's" until the sun came up, both you going to work absolutely blissed out. Now that you were finally together, the two of you were inseparable and nothing could keep you from each other.

[unsolved-duvall]

I know — I'm sure, it's fact, that Eddie would accept and listen to any kinky confession of hi SO without judgment, and he'd find it kinda hot. Like he would be so turned on only by you talking about what makes you all hot and bothered, he would encourage you so much you'd just keep talking and talking and talking and he'd be sooooo red, and soooo so hard-🙈 sorry, is it too much?

𝐓𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬 - 𝐞.𝐦. (𝟏𝟖+)

Nothing is ever too much on this blog, Eddie has a chokehold on all of us, it’s okay <3

Eddie would practically melt hearing you talk about your kinks. The man would almost stop breathing. He thinks it’s so fucking hot that you can be so open and honest with him about what you like, what you want him to do to you, or with you.

And imagine that you maybe aren’t the type to be so open about these things normally. Maybe you’ve been dating a while, the sex is good. Really good. Eddie is the only man you’ve been with who has actually made you cum. Maybe before him you even struggled to get yourself there. But Eddie will take as long as he needs to have you a moaning, whimpering mess underneath him. He refuses to stop until your legs are shaking and all you can say is his name, and he’s barley holding it together himself. “Yeah angel? Fuck you look so hot when you cum, Jesus”

And that’s good. You love having sex with Eddie, you’re practically horny teenagers. If you have any free time, you’re having sex. Whatever that may consist of changes depending on the mood you’re both in, but it always ends with you clinging to him whilst he tells you how good you were for him.

And Eddie loves that. He loves being in control. He’s so grateful for the amount of trust you put in him. He knows that letting someone else have so much control over your body is a scary thing, and he’s always checking in. If he thinks you’re too far gone, that you can’t properly consent anymore, he’s stopping. No questions asked. Even if you’re blabbering away, begging him to keep going. He won’t do it. “Nuh-uh baby, you can’t even remember your safe word. We’re done. You were so good for me baby, I promise” He needs you to be completely there and with it when he makes you fall apart underneath him.

And aftercare with Eddie? Fuck.

He will never skip aftercare. He knows how much you need it every time. But especially if you’ve been in sub space, he knows that drop is going to come. The rush of emotions, the vulnerability that comes after being in that headspace. And Eddie needs it to, needs you to know how much he loves you, he needs to know how much you love him. “I love you so much baby, thank you for trusting me.” “Love you too, Eds”

So sure, the sex is fucking hot. But what’s even hotter? When one day you start to tell Eddie about your kinks. He had noticed how slowly you had started opening up to him, telling him what you liked and wanted to try during sex. But one day it’s like the dam burst and you needed to tell him everything. Wanted to tell him everything. So you did.

And Eddie’s certain he’s died and gone to heaven but holy fuck hearing you talk like that has him gripping the arm of the couch to stop him from pinning you underneath him and fucking you until you can’t remember your own name.

But he won’t do that.

Because hearing you tell him your kinks, your turn ons, every dirty thought you’ve ever had? Fuck.

A couple of times he noticed you start to go red, your voice going quieter and your hands fiddling with each other. You were nervous. He knew all your tells, of course he did. But he needed you to keep talking. He needed to know how he could make you fall apart for him.

So he’d encourage you.

“Yeah? Keep going, angel.”

“Fuck baby why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“You’re killing me here sweetheart.”

And you tell him everything. Everything. And Eddie’s making a mental list of everything you say. Because he will do every single thing you’ve told him about. He’s determined to try every kink, every turn on with you. Some of them he’s never even thought about himself, but with you sat in front of him he’s pretty sure he’d sell his soul to the devil if you told him that’s what you wanted.

By the time you’ve finished talking Eddie’s barely breathing anymore. He’s sure he’s never been this hard before. He’s also sure that he’s never loved someone more than he loves you. Not because of the sex, but because someone trusts him enough to be so vulnerable with him.

By the end of the night you’re pinned underneath him on his bed and he’s looking up at you from between your thighs. You don’t know how many times he’s fucked you already. How many sloppy make out sessions you’ve had between rounds, how many times he’s eaten you out. But there is one thing you know.

He’s going to be the death of you. You’re certain of that.

[youling-the-ghost]

sfth incorrect quotes pt.11 because I genuinely forgot about this series for like a week or so

AJ: None of those words are in the Bible! Tom: Psalm 119:105. “And Jesus said unto his followers, should a manlet incel attempt to mansplain the blockchain to a girlboss, may she waste his time and yassify his blorbos” AJ: HE DID NOT FUCKING SAY THAT! Tom: I have no respect for Santa. Don’t sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man. Luke: I feel like I have died and gone to heaven. Sam: I have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction. Sam: There. How do I look? Luke: Like a cheap French harlot. Sam: French?!

Sam: Think you can unlock the door for us? Luke: Sure, I just need a couple of things. Tom, can I have your credit card? Tom: Sure, just make sure not to bend it. Luke: Thanks. Now AJ, break down the door! Tom: Huh!?! Tom: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container. AJ: The cow?? Tom: What? Sam: AJ, W H Y? Tom: Do you need anything from the store? Luke: Actually, yes. I have a list. Tom, reading: Epsom salts, coconut oil, baking soda, cornstarch, lavender essential oils… citric acid…? Luke: I’m making homemade bath bombs. Tom: Smokeless gunpowder?! Luke: I want to do it right! Luke: Last night I found out AJ is a sleep talker. Tom: Oh, really? Luke: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am. AJ: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Sam's birthday invitations. Tom: Well, what are they supposed to say? AJ: "Sam's birthday". Tom: So, what do they say instead? AJ: "Sam’s bi". Tom: Tom: Works out either way. Sam: Is stabbing someone immoral? Luke: Not if they consent to it. AJ: Depends on who your stabbing. Tom: YES??!!? (Tom you beautiful ethical man) Tom: Sam… you've been cuddling with me for over an hour now. Sam, muffled: Mmhmmm :) Tom: Fuck. I should be annoyed but you're adorable. AJ: Your workspace is in the bathroom? Sam: Luke says this is the perfect place for my work. I’m just now realizing that remark may not have been entirely complimentary. Tom: I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. Luke: I hope no one lowkey hates me. Luke: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being. Luke: Go big or go home. Tom: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.