#and i stopped us running and just put my attention on handling Ren / staying calm and it went so well

[aidenwaites]

Big guy who stayed SO calm when a little angry dog was barking at him

[krsnbgirl]

Fly High! || Kageyama x Fem!Reader || Part 1

Summary: Attending Karasuno High School was your way of starting over and moving on from your injury in middle school. What you didn’t expect was to be pulled back into the world that you tried so hard to stay away from. Along the journey of recovery, you didn’t think you would grow close to Karasuno’s Boys Volleyball Team. Also falling in love with a certain setter was definitely something you didn’t expect at all. There’s one thing in common that you two share and that it’s wanting to fly as high as you can. 

Pairing: Kageyama Tobio x Fem!Reader

Genre: Rom-Com, Slice of Life, Sports 

Word Count: ~3.4k

Warnings: Slight swearing, smoking (for Ukai), Signs of Anxiety from Reader, Timeline heavily based on the anime

Author’s Note: Hello, hello lovelies! This is my first fanfiction for Haikyuu!! so please be easy on me ^^; Watching the series and anticipating for the next part of Season 4 has me wanting to write a series while waiting for it to come out. As you can see it’s based off of the anime, but I’m slowly getting through the manga! Let me know what you guys think and hope you all enjoy this! Also if you want me to start a taglist for this, let me know too hehe! xoxo, Ren  ❤

Part 1 || Part 2 || Masterlist 

It was a typical day at Karasuno High School as you made your way through the gates and towards your locker. There was still time before the first bell rang so you took your time reaching your destination, putting your hands into the pockets of your blazer. Your mind began to drift towards what you wanted for lunch that day since the new school week meant a new rotation of dishes to choose from. As you continued your way through the school, you noticed that the hallways were filled with more buzz than usual. Curiosity picked at you as you rested your hands behind your neck and tried to listen in on some of the conversations around you. Humming to yourself, you heard the latest gossip float by as your ears perked up at certain names you knew. 

“They made it through?” 

“Wait, they were that close?” “Were we they that good?” 

“So I guess they’re not The Fallen Champions anymore…” 

‘Ah…so that’s what everyone’s talking about.’ You thought as you turned a corner. 

Smiling to yourself, you finally reached your locker and began to change into your school shoes. Karasuno High’s boys volleyball team used to be its pride until their previous coach retired. The team lost its shine and you experienced first hand the toll it took on its members. They were left with no coach and the remaining upperclassmen on the team had to step up as coach in order to keep the club active. There was some hope for them when Coach Ukai returned and they were doing pretty okay but it was sad to see them go back to square one when their coach overworked himself and had to go into retirement once more. Now with recent changes, you were glad to hear that things were finally looking up for the boys. 

As you were going through your mental checklist for the day and braiding your hair to keep it out of your face, someone leaned against the lockers beside you. 

“Good morning (Y/N)-chan!” 

You looked behind your locker door to see who greeted you and gave your childhood and best friend a warm smile. 

“Yu-nii, how did the Inter High tournament go?” 

You arched an eyebrow as you noticed the dark look on his face and he grew silent. He was always so upbeat whenever you two were together, so something must have happened at their game. You sighed knowing that it was a habit of his whenever he grew frustrated or angry. Once you finished tying the elastic band at the end of your braid, you glared at him before flicking his forehead. 

“(Y/N)-chan, what was that for?!” he exclaimed and rubbed his forehead, pouting at you.. 

“Don’t let it get the best of you, nii-chan.” 

After closing your locker shut, you began to walk away and towards your classroom with Nishinoya falling into step beside you. He stuffed his hands into his pockets as he clenched his jaw, his mind filled with thoughts of their previous match. 

“If only you were there then you would’ve seen how cocky those bastards were. We were so close to beating them. Aoba Johsai ended up beating us by two points during the third set.” he grumbled. 

Your mind flashed back to your post practice conversations with Nishinoya whenever he was invited over for dinner. He was always so fired up whenever he talked about the teams he wanted to beat, especially Aoba Johsai. They were one of the top teams in their prefecture and he swore revenge after Karasuno went against them for a practice match. Looking back at Nishinoya and taking in his frustrated features, you gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze as you reached your classroom. He looked at you as you gave him an encouraging smile with a familiar determined glint in your eyes. 

Nishinoya’s eyes widened a bit as you tilted your head to the side with a cheeky smirk and said, “That just means you guys have to work twice as hard to beat them at the next tournament, right?” 

The familiar burning passion rushed through his bones as he met your eyes and you slightly nodded, giving him a knowing look.

“AHHH, YOU’RE RIGHT. WHAT AM I DOING JUST MUDDLING AROUND LIKE THIS, I NEED TO GET STRONGER. THANKS (Y/N)-CHAN, YOU’RE THE BEST!” he exclaimed. 

You chuckled underneath your breath as your fellow classmates gave him a weird look. With another scream he winked at you before running towards his own class. You playfully rolled your eyes with a small smile and watched him turn around with a new determined look on his face, smiling  brightly. “I’ll see you later (Y/N)-chan!” 

----

The bell for the day ended as you stretched your arms to relieve some of the stress from constantly writing notes. Your classmates greeted you as they walked past you and you took your time to gather your things. You weren’t popular in your grade, but you were well known to be that one person who easily got along with everyone and always lent a helping hand. You sighed to yourself as you slung your bag over your shoulder and took out your phone. Usually after school time was used to hang out with friends or attend club activities, but you decided that once you got to Karasuno that you would just take time for yourself. After what had happened to you in middle school, you wanted to make up for the lost time you didn’t put towards yourself. 

You hummed in thought as your phone began to buzz in the middle of scrolling through social media. Pressing the green button, you answered the phone and leaned against the wall by your classroom door.

“(Y/N)-chan, I know you’re probably busy right now but do you think you can stop by the gym?” 

“Eh? Kiyoko-san? Did you need anything?” 

“I wanted to talk to you about something, if you don’t mind. I would come to you but the boys are about to start practice, so would mind meeting me here?” 

“ I don’t know Kiyoko-san …” 

“Please? I just need to talk to you in person about this.” 

Based on Shimizu’s tone, you knew that this was going to be important and reluctantly agreed. With a groan, you shoved your phone into your pocket and went to meet up with your older friend. As you grew closer towards the gym, the familiar knotted feeling in your throat and stomach began to settle in. You slightly tighten your grip on the handles of your bag as Shimizu caught her eye and gave her a small smile. You followed Shimizu into the gym and a sense of familiarity crashed over you. The faint scent of salonpas filled the gym and the familiar sound of shoes squeaking against the court managed to calm you down for a bit. Two shouts disrupted your concentration and before you knew it, two boys were hugging you. 

“(Y/N)-chan, you finally decided to visit us! You’re so mean to have us wait for that long. You didn’t even come see me after school on your first day here.” Nishinoya pouted. 

“Yeah (Y/N)-chan, Nishinoya is right. We never thought you’d step back into the gym but here you are.” Tanaka smiled widely as he affectionately ruffled your hair. 

“Ryu-nii you’re going to ruin my hair and I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for Kiyoko-san.” You  huffed before elbowing the both of them and made your way towards Shimizu who was standing by the bench on the side of the court.

The two boys’ eyes got teary-eyed and gave two thumbs up towards the girls and exclaimed, “That’s our Kiyoko-san!” 

“Um...Nishinoya-senpai who’s that?” Hinata asked as he and Kageyama went up to them. The four of them watched as the third years went up to greet the girls.

“Ah that’s right you haven’t properly met her yet. She’s (L/N) (F/N), my childhood friend. We grew up together since we live on the same street. I think you guys might have seen her since she’s in your grade.” Nishinoya said as he crossed his arms and gave them a proud smile. 

“Eh, she is?” Kageyama asked as he took a good look at her. He analyzed your looks and noticed that you had this welcoming aura around you. You were  laughing at something that Asahi said and casually looked towards their direction. Your eyes met his and he stiffened for a second. You smiled at him before turning your direction back to Asahi’s story about how he accidentally scared the first years with his hair down. 

“I don’t think we’ve ever crossed paths with her.” Hinata murmured as he tried to rack his brain to see if they had ever seen her in the hallways. 

“Ah maybe it’s because she’s in Class 5.” Tanaka piped in and the boys’ eyes went wide. 

“She’s in Class 5?!” they exclaimed. Kageyama’s eyes went back towards you and there was something about you that drew his attention. He wasn’t sure if it was the way that you carried yourself or if it was because you were in the college prep class.

Nishinoya and Tanaka burst out laughing, pointing their fingers at them. “She’s out of your league dudes. You guys are dumb.” 

“Well so are you two, so let’s get back to practice alright?” Daichi interrupted and put his hands on their shoulders. 

The four of them gulped as they noticed the look on Daichi’s face while Asahi and Sugawara joined to guide them back onto the court with the rest of the team laughing at their antics. 

You sighed to yourself as you watched the boys gather into a circle to start their stretching routine. It was true that it’s been a while since you stepped onto the court, much less the gym too. The court used to be a safe haven for you but now, you weren't sure how you felt being back on the floor. You weren’t going to lie yourself; it felt nice being back in a familiar setting after so long. After swearing to never be on the court again, there was a huge part of you screaming to just grab a ball and hit it. Shimizu gave you a comforting smile before tapping the empty spot next to her on the bench. 

“So what did you want to talk about, Kiyoko-san?” You asked as you sat down and turned towards her.

“After we came back from the Inter High tournament, Takeda-sensei called us into his office. He told us that we needed to start thinking about what our next step would be.” 

“Oh yeah, you guys are graduating soon…” you murmured as the both of you watched the boys began to do dives across the floor.

“As third years and being in charge of the team, we also needed to figure out what to do with the boys. And as you can see, there’s no one else to be in charge of them once I’m gone.” 

Your breathing hitched as you caught on to what Shimizu was asking you. You bit your lip and looked down at your lap. Fiddling with your hands, a sense of doubt began to wash over you. 

“Kiyoko-san, I know you mean well but I don’t know if I’m worth it.” 

“I know it’s been hard for you, but I saw the look on your face when you stepped into the gym. You still have the spark in your eye, (Y/N)-chan. And if there’s anyone I know that I can trust the club with, it would be you. You know what these boys are going through because you’ve been in their shoes before.” 

You pursed your lips as many thoughts began to race in your head and a short silence fell between you two. It’s true that volleyball was something that you loved with all your heart, but you knew you weren't ready to get back into it just yet. The familiar weighted feeling in your chest began to creep into you and in order to try to calm yourself down, you decided to distract yourself by concentrating on the boys. Your attention naturally gravitated towards the guy that you met eyes with. It was his turn to serve and your eyes widened as he had perfectly gotten the ball over to the other wide with a jump serve. 

“(Y/N)-chan, you don’t have to answer right away but at least take it into consideration.” Shimizu softly said as she gave her the form to fill out. 

You smiled at Shimizu for giving you time and grabbed the form. Looking down at it, you did feel a part of yourself wanting to fill out the form but the other part just hasn’t found the will to move forward. 

“Yeah...I’ll think about it.”

“Thanks for listening to me, (Y/N)-chan. You’re more than welcome to stay, I need to go find Takeda-sensei and discuss some things for their upcoming weekend training camp.” Shimizu smiled before patting your head and walking away. 

“Oi, (Y/N)-chan~ do you want to go home together? It’s been awhile since we’ve done that.” Nishinoya asked as the boys headed towards you for a water break after completing their warm up drills.

You looked up in thought and seeing that you had nothing better to do, you might as well make your best friend happy by staying. Plus you wouldn’t admit it out loud, but watching Nishinoya toss and hit the ball  made you feel like you were playing through him. You smiled at him and nodded. “I’ll just do homework while waiting for you then.” 

“Eh? So this is what Shimizu’s been up to. Boys we might have our future manager right in front of us!” Daichi smiled as he bent over and grabbed the form out of your hands. 

“Daichi, give that back to me!” You huffed as you stood up and Daichi immediately held the paper over his head. He laughed as he watched you jump around, trying to get the paper back. 

“Screw you guys for being so tall.” 

“Don’t you want to become our manager, (Y/N)-chan? It’d be a relief to know that the team is in good hands next year.” Asahi joined in as he slung his arm over Daichi’s shoulders and gave you a cheeky smile. They laughed as you blew some stray hairs away from your face.

“Eh? Manager?” Hinata asked as they all stared at you.

Rolling your eyes, you finally managed to snatch the form from Daichi and folded it before putting it into your pocket. You shrugged and said, “I don’t know yet.” 

“What do you mean you don’t know yet, you’d be perfect for it!” Tanaka claimed. 

“I think it would help you, (Y/N)-chan.” Nishinoya said as he gave her a pointed look. 

You scowled under Nishinoya’s gaze and Tanaka joined in on him trying to corner you. A vein popped out of the corner of your temple and Sugawara stepped in to diffuse the situation. You were just about to approach the two and give them a hard knock on the head, when you felt him tug the edge of your blazer.

“Now, let’s not forget that it’s her choice at the end of the day. Whatever your decision is Haya-chan, I’m sure these two idiots will support you either way.” 

You sighed in relief and  threw your arms around Sugawara’s waist sticking your tongue out at Tanaka and Nishinoya. 

“This is why I like you better than them, Suga.” You snickered. 

“Oh and who might this be?” 

Everyone turned around to see Coach Ukai step into the gym with Takeda-sensei and Shimizu. You and the boys bowed before Sugawara hugged you closer to him. 

“Coach Ukai, meet (L/N) (F/N), our possible new manager.” 

You sighed and slumped your shoulders. You should’ve known that Sugawara would also try to lock you in like the rest of the boys. Ukai looked at you and realized who you were right off the bat. He rubbed his chin in thought as you nodded in response. You shrugged and said, “I’m not sure yet but it’s nice to meet you.” 

“A-Ah yes, nice to meet you. Did Shimizu recruit you?” 

You nodded and Ukai smiled widely at her. “Well it’d be nice to have another person that can tame these boys so I hope you stop by frequently. Or better yet, become a part of the family here. I’m pretty sure you’ll easily fit in, hm?” 

A shiver went up her spine as Haya looked behind her to see the entire team giving her expectant smiles. Turning your attention back towards the faculty, you suspiciously looked at the coach after noticing his tone. Ukai met your gaze and he gave you a smirk. He shrugged and said, “We’ll talk later, kiddo. There’s some stuff I need to ask you.” 

Reluctantly, you agreed and started to grow annoyed with how everyone was staring at you. You sat back down on the bench and looked at Nishinoya for help. He sighed and started to push the team back onto the court.

“Alright boys, give it a break and let’s just continue with practice, alright?” 

You let out a relieved breath as the boys went for their jog and the others stepped outside to talk about the other things needed for the team. Having left to your own for a bit, you let yourself move by instinct. Your eyes landed on the stray volleyball that was by the bench and you picked it up. Walking up to the serving line, you bounced it a couple of times. Everything began to slowly disappear around you and faint cheers filled the background as your senses flashed back  to the day you played in the finals with Chidoriyama Junior High’s girl volleyball team. You were tied with your opponents and  it would’ve been the set point for your team. The ball was served and your team tried to spike the ball but it was received by your opponent. When it was your turn to spike the ball over the net once again, you had managed just barely to get the ball passed its block. Then before you knew it, you had landed wrong and pain began to shoot up your leg, right in the knee. You were on the floor curled up in a ball as everything began to slow down. and later found out she had torn her ACL. After the game came to an end and you went to the doctor for a proper check-up, it was then that you found out that you tore your ACL.

Clutching the ball in your hand, you took a deep breath and tried to calm yourself down. You were still going to therapy to strengthen your knee after getting surgery, but your return to fully playing was never going to happen in your  mind. You weren't going to lie to yourself though; having the ball in your hands once again felt nice. It made you happy as your body moved on its own. Twirling it in your palms, you felt yourself clock in on your concentration. Eyeing the other side of the court, you took a couple of steps back. Everything else was blocked from your sight as you zeroed in on the spot you wanted the ball to land. 

Without you knowing, the boys had already returned but Nishinoya and the third years stopped the rest of the team from interrupting you. They all watched as you tossed the ball up in the air before running towards it and did a jump serve. Their eyes widened as the ball easily landed on the other side and could have been considered an ace if you were playing in a real game. 

You hissed as you felt the familiar sting in your right knee and clenched your fists as you slowly walked back to the bench. 

“(Y/N)-SAN THAT WAS AMAZING!!” Hinata exclaimed. 

You gasped and turned around to see the boys looking at you with wide smiles. Hinata and Nishinoya were  already making their way towards you with bright smiles and arms spread wide to jump on you.

‘Uh oh...’  You thought as you felt them tackle you with a hug.

[inkwell1013]

Snapshots - Persona 5

Pairings: Yusuke Kitagawa & Yusuke Kitagawa’s mother, Yusuke Kitagawa & Ren/Akira, Yusuke Kitagawa & Madarame, Yusuke Kitagawa & Natsuhiko (all plationic/familial)

Genre: Angst, shameless angst, one shot, found family, 5+1 fic.

Word count: 6.2k

Warnings: This fic deals with some heavy topics, including child abuse, emotional abuse, meltdowns, the death of a parent, a mention of suicide, unhealthy eating habits and alcohol abuse.

Summary: There’s a funny thing about memories. Some of clear and defined – like a photograph – while others are hazy and vague like a half-finished sketch. Still, they define a person just as much as the choices they make or the friends they keep. All of Yusuke's most important memories are about Madarame. Thinking back on his life, he wondered how he missed all the red flags.

Five moments in Yusuke's life chronically his life with Madarame and one moment after he leaves him.

- - - - -

Age 3

“Mama, play with me,” whined Yusuke, tugging on his mother’s sleeve.

His mother sighed, setting her paintbrush down on her easel. “I can’t play with you right now Yusuke.”

Yusuke pouted. “But I want to play!”

“Why don’t you draw instead?” she said. “I promise I’ll play with you once I’ve finished this painting. Okay?”

Yusuke beamed. “Okay, Mama.”

She gave him an easy smile and fetched his crayons and some paper from the shelf. She passed them over to him and went to get some more paint. Yusuke sat down at the table and started scribbling. Slowly, the picture began to take form. A neat brick house with a wild garden next to it.

It was a world away from the decrepit house they shared with Madarame. The shack was nailed together from sheets of scrap metal and was so unstable that a particularly strong gust of wind could have knocked it over.

Two people were standing in front of the house. A dark-haired woman and a small boy. Him and his mama. Just the two of them. They would finally be happy there away from everyone else. Away from Madarame.

Yusuke didn’t like Madarame. He was scary. Mama tried to make them spend time together, but Yusuke would always throw a tantrum and demand to be let go. She would always concede and let him run off, but he knew she and Madarame weren’t pleased about it.

“What is your painting going to be Mama?” he asked, as he coloured in the sky a bright blue. He imagined that they would live far out in the country, away from the grey skies of Tokyo.

“It’s a surprise!” she answered, tapping him on the nose as she walked back to her easel. “But it’s going to be a present for you.”

“A present for me? Can I see it?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Not until it’s done. You can’t know what it is, because then it wouldn’t be a surprise.”

Yusuke went back to his drawing.

After a few minutes, Yusuke realised that he was thirsty. He turned around in his chair. “Mama, can I go get a drink?” he asked.

She didn’t say anything. She just stood there, holding onto the easel and quivering. He hurried over and gave her a little shake to get her attention.

“Mama!” he cried. “Are you okay?”

She convulsed and fell backwards, hitting the ground with a heavy thud. Her body and twitched, as if there were electricity flowing through her veins. Yusuke didn’t know what to do. He tried to shake her awake, but that just made her tremble even more. He yelled Madarame’s name until his throat hurt but he didn’t come to help.

Yusuke didn’t remember much after that. Everything was hazy, like a drawing smeared over with chalk dust. He remembered a dark figure loitering in the doorway, it’s face bland and uncaring. It stood there for a good few minutes. Standing. Staring. Waiting.

By the time that she had stopped shaking, it was gone. Yusuke was crying. Then, he heard sirens. He slammed his hands over his ears and closed his eyes, trying to block out the terrible noise. The sound dimmed but wasn’t gone completely. He curled up into a ball and rocked himself, trying to calm the swirling emotions in his chest.

He had been doing that for some time when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes, hoping it would be his mother. Instead, his eyes met with those of a stranger. Startled, he shuffled backwards. The man was wearing a dark green uniform and had a kind-looking face.

“Hey kid,” he said softly. “Are you back in the real world?”

Yusuke gave a hesitant nod. “That’s good,” continued the stranger. “You gave us a real scare there but your daddy told us not to worry.”

Yusuke furrowed his brows. “I don’t have a daddy,” he mumbled.

“Your grandpa then?” Yusuke said nothing, just shaking his head.

“No grandpa either? Then who’s the man downstairs?”

“Madarame is Mama’s friend,” said Yusuke.

He looked to his mother, who was still lying on the floor. There was dust in her long dark hair, which was splayed out above her head. She wasn’t shaking anymore, which was good.

“Can I talk to my mama?” he asked. “She fell asleep, but she’ll be awake by now.”

“I don’t know how to tell you this kid…” The man looked over to his friend, who was knelt next to Yusuke’s mother. The woman, who was wearing the same uniform as him, shook her head. The man bit his lip and held out his hand to pull Yusuke to his feet.

“Let’s go downstairs,” he said.

“I don’t understand… Is she going to be okay?”

The man shook his head. “I’m so sorry. Your mother has passed away.”

Yusuke knew at that moment - when everything he knew came crashing down around him – that they would never have that perfect crayon scribbled life.

 Age 7

Yusuke was bored of waiting for Madarame to finish painting, so he decided to explore. He was curious to see what he would uncover in the drafty, old shack. Maybe there would be buried treasure under the floorboards or a wild beast living in the basement.

Yusuke always had an overactive imagination. He made stuff up for the fun of seeing where his mind would lead him. Sometimes it would take him to faraway fantasy lands full of awe and magic. Other times he would find himself somewhere mysterious and dark, full of horrifying creatures - like the dark shadow that watched his mother die.

He was so deep in his head that he nearly slammed headfirst into an unfamiliar door.

It was covered in pretty peacock feathers, all painted in swirls of blue and gold. He ran his fingers along the ridges and crevices in the paint, marvelling at the way it was layered. The style and technique were nothing like Madarame's and it made him wonder who painted it. Could it have been one of his previous students?

He stood on the tips of his toes and grabbed a hold of the handle. Just as he was about to swing open the door, someone grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him backwards. He whipped his head around and saw that it was Madarame.

“Sensei, what’s in this room?” he asked.

Madarame slapped him so hard that Yusuke was knocked to the floor.

Still reeling from the shock and confusion, Yusuke raised a shaky hand to his cheek. It hurt to touch.

“You are not allowed in that room,” growled Madarame. “Do you understand me?”

Yusuke nodded through the tears which threatened to fall from his face. 

You are not gonna cry. You are not gonna cry. You are not gonna cry. 

Maybe if he repeated it enough, it would be true.

Madarame stormed off in a violent temper, leaving a shaken-up Yusuke to continue with his day like everything was normal. He went to eat dinner with his fellow pupils. Natsuhiko raised an eyebrow at Yusuke’s bright red cheek but said nothing, handing him his food wordlessly. The rest of the pupils stayed similarly tight-lipped. Yusuke swore he could see the tiniest hint of sympathy on their faces. 

After wolfing down his food, he excused himself and went to bed, thoughts swirling in his mind.

Why would Madarame hurt him like this? Madarame loved him. It didn’t make any sense.

The next morning, Madarame came down for breakfast like normal and Yusuke briefly wondered if he just imagined it all.

Everyone else found a reason to leave the room, leaving Madarame and Yusuke alone.

Madarame spoke first. “I'm sorry you’re upset Yusuke, but you have to understand this from my point of view. That room is where I keep all my old paintings and if you were to damage them, I would be upset. You understand, right? I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Yusuke gave a hesitant nod. Madarame stood up and patted him on the shoulder. “Good. I love you Yusuke,” he said, as he left.

Yusuke was still curious about the contents of the room (perhaps even more now that he knows it’s full of paintings) but when he went to investigate later that day, he found that it was sealed with a heavy padlock.

So, he left it alone and tried to push the ordeal to the back of his mind.

 Age 9

Tidying up the studio was one of Yusuke’s chores. Madarame had never asked him to do it, but he always blamed Yusuke when it was messy in there, so Yusuke learned it was expected of him.

He dumped the pallets and paintbrushes in the sink. Turning on the tap, he watched the paint run together and wash down the sink.

Madarame usually let Yusuke paint with him - as long as he behaved - but Yusuke had been exiled from the studio for two weeks now. He understood though – Madarame had to focus on his pieces for the upcoming exhibition.

Madarame had always been short tempered but the past few days had been worse than usual. It was okay though. He was just stressed about the exhibit; Yusuke was sure everything would go back to normal once it was done.

It was quiet. Natsuhiko had gone on an errand, so it was just him and Madarame. The shack always felt empty now that there was only three people.

Madarame used to have lots of students back when Yusuke was younger but over time, they had all left. Yusuke didn't really know why but he didn't want to risk upsetting Madarame by asking.

A few open cans of paint were sitting on the windowsill next to a drying painting. Yusuke went to put them away but something about the painting made him stop to take a closer look.

Madarame had signed it, but it didn’t look anything like his style. Had he really painted this?

The longer Yusuke looked at it, the more confused he got. The strokes of the brush were familiar and…

The realisation hit him. This was Natsuhiko’s work. He had painted it and let Madarame sign it as if it was his own. Why would he do that? It was didn’t make sense.

He was so consumed by his thoughts that he didn’t even notice that he had knocked over the paint until it was seeping into the canvas. Panicking, he swept the it out of the pool of red, hoping it would still be salvageable.

Yusuke snatched a rag from the cupboard and desperately tried to wipe off the paint but it quickly became obvious that the painting was too damaged to be saved.

That was how Madarame had found him – scrubbing at the ruined painting with a rag, red stains all over his hands and forearms.

“I’m sorry,” he said, wiping tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt and flapping his hands to calm himself. “It was an accident. I didn’t mean to.”

Madarame prowled over to him, like a wolf stalking its prey. Yusuke expected the slap but that didn’t make it hurt any less. “I’m sorry Sensei. I swear it was an accident,” he mumbled, tears welling in his eyes again.

“Apologising isn’t going to fix this Yusuke.”

“I know, I just… I can’t… I don’t...” He could barely get a word out. His hands were shaking uncontrollably.

“Oh, stop that!” snapped Madarame, grabbing Yusuke by the wrists. “I didn’t want to do this again but you’ve given me no choice. Come on.”

Yusuke allowed himself to be dragged down the corridor, thinking that Madarame would just yank him upstairs and maybe shut him in his room. That wouldn’t be so bad.

His eyes widened when Madarame pulled him past the stairs and a little further down the hall. He dug his heels into the ground and tried to wrench his arms from Madarame’s grasp. Madarame just tightened his grip, digging in his fingernails harshly.

“Sensei please!” he cried. “Please! I’m sorry.”

“You have to learn.”

“But I don’t want to!”

“Do you think I care what you want?” yelled Madarame, hauling Yusuke into the cupboard beneath the stairs. “This is for your own good.”

With that, Madarame slammed the door shut and locked it. Yusuke screamed to be let out, but was ignored. He tried to force open the door, but only succeeded in making himself exhausted. Defeated, he sunk down to the floor.

There was a miniscule crack in the wood which let in a little light, but it wasn’t enough to illuminate the dark cupboard. Of all the punishments he endured from Madarame, this was the one he hated the most. It was cramped and uncomfortable, and he never knew how long it would last. Madarame would let him out once he felt he had learned his lesson, whenever that was.

His wrists hurt where Madarame had dug in his nails. Yusuke wasn’t sure if they were bleeding or not – it was dark enough in the cupboard that he couldn’t discern the difference between the paint and the possible blood – but it hurt all the same. Why did Madarame hurt him like this?

It’s because you were bad.

Was that true? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t know anything anymore.

He had been in there for some time when the front door creaked open. Yusuke heard footsteps coming toward him. He peered through the crack and saw that it was Natsuhiko, home from running errands.

“Yusuke, where are you?” called Natsuhiko.

“I’m in here!” responded Yusuke. “Can you let me out?”

“Yusuke? I can’t believe that he… Not again. Are you hurt?”

“Only a little,” said Yusuke. “I might be bleeding.”

Natsuhiko mumbled something under his breath that Yusuke couldn’t quite hear. “I’m calling the police,” he said. “He’s been getting away with this for too long.”

He could hear Natsuhiko talking to the police, and even though he was pretending to be confident, his voice was trembled with every word. He was talking so quickly that Yusuke couldn’t make out the words.

There was a long pause and Natsuhiko mumbled a thank you. Heavy footsteps thundered down the stairs.

“What the hell are you doing?” shouted Madarame.

“I’ve called the police,” said Natsuhiko. “You can’t keep treating Yusuke like this. I won’t let you!”

“You have no right to tell me how to parent my son, Natsuhiko. This is a punishment – nothing more,” said Madarame.

“This is abuse!” yelled Natsuhiko. “I’ve being turning a blind eye to it for too long but this ends today.”

“I can’t believe you are doing this to me!” growled Madarame, grabbing Natsuhiko’s arm. “You’re going to regret this.”

“No!” roared Natsuhiko, snatching his arm out of Madarame’s grip. “You’re not going to control me anymore. I am done! I’m not that fifteen-year-old boy you picked up off the street. Not anymore. I’ve had enough of you using and manipulating me. This ends today.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” said Madarame. “You don’t understand anything about the world Natsuhiko. You’re so naïve, still just a child.”

Natsuhiko violently shook his head. “I’m not a child anymore. I am nineteen and I know what I am talking about. You’ve been mistreating me for so long. You abused all of us. That’s why everyone else is gone. You hurt them so much they couldn’t stand to be here anymore. You’re the reason that Tatsuo has a panic attack every time he picks up a paintbrush. You’re the reason Miki shakes in terror whenever she’s around men. You’re the reason that Yukki killed herself!”

“YOU’RE INSANE!” bellowed Madarame, grabbing onto Natsuhiko’s collar. “Do you think I wanted that to happen? I loved you all like my own children.”

“You sure have a funny way of showing it. We’re terrified of you.”

“How dare you treat me like this! I took you in when no one else wanted you. I saw potential in you when you were just a homeless delinquent - when everyone saw you as trash – and this is how you treat me?” He sounded genuinely upset and Yusuke felt a little guilty.

Madarame continued. “You’ve always been manipulative but this is a new low, even for you. Prank calling 911 is a crime you know.”

“I didn’t…”

“Yes, you did. You called the police out of spite. All because you want revenge for nothing.”

Natsuhiko stared at him. “That’s not- I’m didn’t- You’re lying.”

“Let’s see what the cops think,” growled Madarame. “Whose story are they going to believe? The accomplished, famous artist or the high school drop out who never amounted to anything? I know who’s side I’d be on.”

There was a ring at the front door. “That will be them now. It’s not too late to back down.”

Natsuhiko faltered for a moment - for just long enough for Yusuke to think he had given up – before giving Madarame a sharp glare and shaking his head.

“Suit yourself,” said Madarame. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

***

The officer inspected Yusuke’s wrist. Traces of blood lingered amongst the red paint.

“You’re saying he did this?” asked the officer, gesturing towards Natsuhiko. Madarame gave a nod.

“I’m afraid so,” he sighed. "Natsuhiko tends to get a little aggressive with his brother when they play.”

“Bullshit!” yelled Natsuhiko. “You’re lying.”

“Don’t speak to your father like that,” snapped the officer.

“But nothing he’s saying is true,” said Natsuhiko desperately. “He’s the one who hurt Yusuke, not me.”

The officer sighed and stood up. “Calling the police under false pretences is a crime. I’ll let it slide this time, but don’t do it again. If we’re done here, I need to leave.”

“You can’t leave.” Natsuhiko grabbed a hold of the officer’s sleeve. “Please, he’s lying.”

“Let it go kid,” said the officer. He slammed the front door shut on his way out.

“Go to your room Yusuke,” hissed Madarame.

Yusuke eyes flicked between Madarame and Natsuhiko, unsure and frightened.

Natsuhiko gave him a brave smile. “I’ll be okay Yusuke,” he said. “You can go.”

***

Natsuhiko limped into Yusuke’s room a while later, a shadow of the person he was, voided of all his courage. His left eye was bruised purple and black, and his lip was split down the middle.

“What did he do to you?” asked Yusuke.

“Nothing he hasn’t done before,” said Natsuhiko, sitting on Yusuke’s bed. “If you could leave today, would you do it?” he asked, wiping the blood from his lip.

There was a long empty pause

“I would,” he admitted. “Are you going to leave?”

Natsuhiko stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t know.”

***

The next morning, Yusuke woke up to a single post-it note on his bedroom door. It had a phone number written on it, as well as two words.

I’m sorry.

 Age 13

Yusuke had finished his first proper painting. He called it Grief. It had taken him hours and he was satisfied with it. The way the colours and shapes twisted upon each other was perfect and the colours were just right, which was satisfying. He had spent so long picking the right shades of blue and red that he worried he would have gone mad.

There was something profound about it. It was an apt representation of how he felt about his mothers passing - tornado of sorrow and bitterness. He barely remembered her but there was still an empty hole she had left in his heart that nothing seemed to fill.

Yusuke had proudly showed it to Madarame, rambling about his inspiration and the techniques he had used. Madarame gave him an impressed smile, that seemed ever so slightly forced.

Then, he asked Yusuke something strange. “Do you remember the day your mother died?”

“I don’t,” lied Yusuke. His recollection of the day was vague but there were shards of the memory clinging to his mind. He remembered a dark shadow, and the kind man who came to help him. He wanted to tell Madarame about the shadow, but he would never believe Yusuke.

Besides, the selfish part of his brain wanted to hold onto the final moments of his mothers life for himself.

“That’s good,” said Madarame. “I wouldn’t want you to remember something so... traumatic.” He tapped the painting. “Do you mind if I hold onto this for a little longer? I need to have a closer look before I can give you feedback.” Yusuke had been more than happy to let him keep the painting.

Two weeks later, Madarame held an abrupt exhibit. Yusuke had been excited to see what art would be on display. Madarame had been struggling with significant art block for weeks and Yusuke was glad that he was feeling creative again.

Yusuke was floored when he saw the principal piece of the exhibit. It was the painting he had poured his heart and soul into encased in a gaudy ,golden frame.

For a moment, he thought Madarame had put it up by accident. He glanced around. His mentor was just a few feet away, happily chatting with a critic. He hadn’t even noticed the mistake. Should he tell him?

Madarame walked over and stopped in front of the painting. He would have to realise his mistake now. Right? The critic studied the artwork with an enamoured look on his face. “This is a fascinating piece,” he said. “I'd love to know your inspiration.”

Madarame gave a serpent’s grin. “This piece is one of my favourites in this collection. It plays with the concept of fame and how it effects one’s ability to create art.”

The fan nodded. “I see. That makes a remarkable amount of sense.”

Bullshit! Everything Madarame had said was bullshit. He had stolen Yusuke’s art. Yusuke had ripped open his own heart and poured it onto the canvas, and Madarame had taken it like it meant nothing. Yusuke wouldn’t have minded Madarame taking credit for it either, as long as he had asked and hadn’t corrupted the meaning like that. That was unforgivable.

He listened to the two men talk for a little while longer. Once the critic was gone, he pulled Madarame far away from prying eyes or ears.

“Why did you steal my painting?” he demanded.

Madarame frowned. “I didn’t steal anything Yusuke. You agreed to let me use it for this exhibit.”

“I agreed for let you keep it for a bit. I never agreed to this!”

“Stop being so selfish,” snapped Madarame. “I’ve done everything for you these past years. You owe me. The least you can do is stop being such a brat.”

“But this painting is so personal...” muttered Yusuke, looking anywhere but Madarame’s face. Why did he feel like the bad guy? Madarame was in the wrong. Madarame had stolen from him and lied and hurt him. So why did Yusuke feel so guilty about upsetting him?

“All paintings are personal,” said Madarame. “Yours is nothing special.”

“But I –"

“You’re being ridiculous Yusuke. This conversation is over. You agreed to this and getting upset over nothing isn’t helping anyone. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an exhibit to attend to.” He whirled around and walked away, leaving Yusuke standing alone, confused and guilty.

Age 15

The feeling of the paintbrush in Yusuke’s hand was familiar and reassuring. The growling feeling in his stomach was familiar as well, though it did nothing to comfort him. He put down his brush and looked up from the painting he was working on.

“I’m hungry,” he said.

Madarame sipped his green tea. “Be patient.”

Yusuke frowned. “But I want to eat now.”

“Don’t be selfish Yusuke.”

“But—”

“Just finish this painting, then you can eat,” Madarame stood up and setting his cup in the sink.

“Promise?”

“I promise.” He patted Yusuke on the shoulder as he left the room. Yusuke listened to him fetch his coat, leave the house and lock the door behind him. It wasn’t unusual for Madarame to go out in the evenings, so Yusuke paid it no mind.

He returned to his painting, the hunger gnawing at him like a wild beast.

 Yusuke finished his painting after a few hours and immediately went to start another. It wasn’t that late, not really. It was barely even dark outside. Besides, the more work he did, the happier Sensei was. It was a simple equation really. Hard work went in one end and kindness came out the other.

The next time he checked the clock, it was nearly midnight. His eyes strained when he pulled them away from the canvas. When had it gotten so late?

He really should eat something.

When he checked the fridge, he found it was nearly empty. Yusuke wouldn’t be sent grocery shopping until Sunday and the food would have to last until then. Besides, the gnawing in his stomach had calmed a bit. He could survive another night.

Something deep down told him he doesn’t deserve anything anyway.

Yusuke tidied up after himself and went to his frigid room. It was always cold in there because the radiators didn’t work. They broke down a few weeks after Natsuhiko left and had never been fixed.

He didn’t have much - just his futon, a small table and an easel in the corner - but it was enough. Madarame had always preached that worldly possessions and wealth corrupted an artist. You couldn’t be creative if you were happy and content. You needed to suffer.

Art is borne through suffering. Art requires sacrifice. Pain is temporary but Art is forever.

He lay down on his futon, exhausted and hungry. A tiny shard of anxiety lingered in his mind, keeping him awake. Madarame still wasn’t home. It was unusual for him to stay out this late without warning Yusuke first.

Yusuke was probably just being paranoid. Everything would be fine. His sleep slowly came to him, like snow settling on the ground, only to kicked around by the first person to deem it’s existence inconvenient to them.

He was startled from his brief rest by a sharp banging at the door. Yusuke dragged himself out of bed and went to let him in. Opening the door, he saw something he didn’t expect.

It was Madarame.

He was drunk.

Yusuke knew that Madarame drank – it wasn’t a secret – but he had never actually seen him drunk before. Whenever he stayed out late, he would slink off to bed while Yusuke was asleep, being careful to not wake him up. Yusuke would find him hungover the next morning and connect the dots.

Madarame looked like shit. That was the simplest way to describe it. There was vomit down his shirt, he reeked of whisky and his hair was wild and unkempt, as if he had been caught in a hurricane on his way home. He swayed on his feet, to intoxicated to keep his balance.

“What are you doing awake?” he slurred. “It’s late. You have school tomorrow.”

I was up late worrying about you.

“You’re drunk,” said Yusuke, slightly more accusatory than he intended.

Madarame bristled. “I’m not drunk,” he snapped. “I’m just a little… tipsy.”

Why does he even bother to lie?

“I think I’m going to be sick again,” muttered Madarame, stumbling into the house.

Yusuke grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into the bathroom. Madarame retched and Yusuke went to pull his hair out of his face so he didn’t get sick in it.

As it turns out, helping your drunk father puke at one o’clock in the morning is not fun. Madarame looked rather pathetic, and Yusuke wondered why he kept doing this to himself. It only ever brought him pain.

Helping Madarame into his bedroom, Yusuke handed him a clean set of clothes. He turned around while Madarame got changed and took the soiled clothes from him afterwards.

“You are so much like your mother Yusuke,” croaked Madarame, as he settled down. “Sometimes, when I look at you, I see her eyes staring back at me.”

Yusuke didn’t remember his mother, but from the few blurry pictures that he had found around the shack, left forgotten in notebooks and stashed away in drawers, he knew they looked a lot alike. They shared the same dark hair, cool-grey eyes and lean stature. They could have been twins.

“I loved your mother,” wept Madarame, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. “I wish I did something differently that day. I could have saved her.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” reassured Yusuke. “You couldn’t have stopped it.”

Madarame rolled over to his side, racked with sobs, and Yusuke comforted him until he fell asleep. He wasn’t slightly surprised when he only got to bed himself at four in the morning.

He was even less surprised when he fell asleep in class the next morning. His teacher hit him over the back of the head with a rolled-up newspaper and Yusuke jumped so hard he almost fell out his chair.

“No sleeping in class,” he snapped. “Why on earth are you sleeping anyway? Did you stay up late watching television or something?”

Yusuke nodded.

He didn’t know what he would say. How would he explain that his father is falling apart at the seams? That he seems to be drunk more often than he is sober? It makes him feel lonely and isolated. There is no way that his teacher could understand.

No one could possibly understand.

 Age 16

Yusuke was staying at Ren’s house for the night. It felt strange to sleep in the same room as another person; he hadn’t shared a room with someone since his mother died.

He couldn’t sleep, anxiety swirling in his chest. What if something had happened to Madarame? What if he had a mental shutdown? Even after everything Madarame had done to him, Yusuke didn’t want him to die. He tried to reassure himself that Madarame had been okay when he had made his confession.

Still, they didn’t know much about the mental shutdowns. Could they be delayed? He wanted to poke Morgana awake and ask him, but decided not to. He didn’t want to be a nuisance. Morgana flicked his tail in his sleep and Yusuke hoped he was having a nice dream.

It was too quiet in the attic. The only sound was the rain beating down on the roof and Ren snoring on the couch. Ren had insisted that he take the bed, which only made Yusuke feel more guilty. Ren had done so much for him and Yusuke didn’t want sink further in his debt.

You’re so selfish Yusuke. You always use people.

He wanted to wake Ren up. He wanted to feel less alone. He wanted to let out this worry before it ate him alive. Ren had said that Yusuke could wake him if he needed him.

But you don’t need him, not really. You want him, but you don’t need him.

He decided to let him sleep. Yusuke stared at Ren, pondering. Why had he helped Yusuke in the first place? He had been so rude to him and his friends when they’d first met. Still, he didn’t seem like the kind of guy to hold a grudge. He had probably forgiven Yusuke already.

Hopefully.

Yusuke laid back in bed, trying to force himself to sleep. He jumped a little when his phone vibrated on the windowsill. Someone was calling him. No one ever called him.

He was about to decline the call, when he recognised the number. Trying to keep his voice low so he wouldn’t wake Ren up, he spoke.

“Natsuhiko?”

“Yusuke, there’s something I need to tell you,” said Natsuhiko. He paused, as if trying to figure out what to say next. “There’s no easy way to say this but Madarame is dead.”

“What?” exclaimed Yusuke. Ren stirred on the couch. Yusuke lowered his voice. “How did you—"

“I have a friend who works at the Police Hospital,” explained Natsuhiko. “He told me.”

“That can’t be true…” Madarame couldn’t be dead. Yusuke couldn’t believe it. He wouldn’t believe it.

Natsuhiko sighed, his voice more sympathetic that Yusuke expected. “He was an old man Yusuke. Being arrested put too much stress on his heart and he couldn’t handle it.”

“Sensei always had a weak heart...” mumbled Yusuke as a wave of guilt crashed over him. He had done this. He had killed his father. And for what? A mere slight or two? Was that worth snuffing out a human life?

Natsuhiko sighed and for a split-second Yusuke thought Natsuhiko knew what he had done. His logical side reminded him that was ridiculous.

“Look, I wanted to be the one to tell you this rather than some stranger,” said Natsuhiko. “Madarame wasn’t a good man but he was still your father. It’s okay to mourn him.”

There was a pause. “I have to go,” said Natsuhiko. “Are you going to be okay?” The question was as loaded as Yusuke's silence.

“I’ll be fine,” murmured Yusuke. Natsuhiko hung up, leaving Yusuke with his horrified thoughts.

He faintly realised that he was crying. Why couldn’t he stop? He was such an idiot. He was going to wake Ren up. But Yusuke couldn’t stop the tears from coming. He was a murderer. No one could know about this.

He could leave. The idea hung around his head for a minute. There was nothing trapping him here. He could just pick up his bags and leave. Escape the scorn of the only real friends he ever had.

But where would he go? He couldn’t go back to the dorms. Everyone there knew him about Madarame and he wouldn’t be able to take their pitying stares. He would stay at a motel, but he had no money. How would be pay for it?

He really had nowhere to go. Yusuke had never felt so guilty and lonely and helpless as he did in that moment. Pulling his knees to his chest, he wiped tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt and did his best to quell his weeping.

You’re not seven years old anymore Yusuke. Stop crying.

He was so inside his own head that he didn’t notice that Ren had woken up until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Yusuke looked up at him through bleary eyes, his brain barely recognising his friend.

“Yusuke… Are you—"

Yusuke pushed him away and scrambled to his feet. “Don’t touch me!” he snapped.

“Yusuke, what’s wrong?” said Ren. “I just want to help you.”

“I killed Madarame! Natsuhiko just told me he had a heart attack. He’s dead and it’s all my fault.” He fell to his knees, chest heaving.

“I’m a murderer,” he sobbed. “I never meant for this to happen. I never wanted him to die.”

“You are not a killer,” said Ren, crouching down to Yusuke’s level. “I’ve only known you a week, but I know that much. You didn’t kill him.”

“But I stole his heart, knowing this could happen. He was old and weak. I should have known better.”

Yusuke was startled when Ren wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “You couldn’t possibly have predicted this Yusuke. Besides, stealing a heart doesn’t cause heart attacks. We know that much. You didn’t kill him.”

Suddenly, Yusuke was three years old again, wrapped up in his mother’s arms. He hasn’t felt safe in so long, but in that moment he found comfort again.

Ren didn’t judge him. Ren wasn’t mean or snippy, even when Yusuke got tears and snot all over his t-shirt. Ren hand rested lightly on Yusuke’s shoulder, holding him to reality when Yusuke was sure he might evaporate and float away. He is an anchor. A lighthouse in a stormy ocean. A beacon of comfort in the mess of Yusuke’s life.

Yusuke’s voice was ragged by the time he finally brought himself to speak.

“I hated him,” he muttered. “Despised him even. But there were good days. Days where I loved him. Sometimes we would sit in the den together for hours, just painting. Painting and painting and painting. He used to praise me too. “You’re such a talented painter,” he would say. “You’re such a good kid. I love you so much.”

“You never knew what to expect from him. Sweet words could be replaced with cutting insults in an instant. But I wanted that praise so badly that I would hunt for it. I would do anything he asked, just so I could hear that praise. Turn over all my art, go without food, take his insults and abuse, all for the promise of a little kindness at the end of it all. I only ever wanted to be loved. I only ever wanted him to love me.”

Yusuke buried his face into Ren’s shoulder, not wanting to see Ren’s to see his pathetic expression. “Why do I still love him? Why do I still love the man who ruined my childhood? The man who killed my mother? The man who treated me like dirt? Why can’t I just admit that he hurt me?”

“Will I always be his property?” he asked. “A portrait in his museum of stolen work. His son in name but not in practice. His prodigy. His worker. Will I ever be free from him?”

Ren held Yusuke even tighter. “You are a creator,” he said. “And you are an artist. You are so much more than your past. So much more than what he said you were. And most all, you are my friend. I care about you Yusuke.”

For the first time in his life, Yusuke knew he was hearing the truth.

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

Motion Sickness Chapter 5

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(Ruby PoV)

Jaune had taken to horseback riding like he had everything else in his life and I sighed a little as I watched him navigate the creature around a bend. He had his eyes on another storm as we made our way up into the mountains, where Jaune suspected the monster hid.

He was so focused on the storm, he hardly noticed how easily he led the horse around. Tomorrow, when we got started again, he would have to pretend to remember how.

The goofball.

I followed, leading my own stead up and towards where I'd just lost sight of him.

“You all right, Rubes,” his voice came from around the curve. He was tuned into me, it would seem. I wasn’t sure if I was broadcasting or if it was just part of how good he was that he could feel something like that with his aura.

Or maybe he just was paying attention and heard me.

“Just thinking.” The stable and dependable sound of the hooves against the ground was a bit of a metronomic comfort to me. A bit like something mechanical. After a while the horse and the movement and the sound felt like a part of me.

“You’ve been quiet for a bit, is all.” I knew that if I wanted, I could just leave things like that. But I did want to talk. Was that so wrong?

“You tryin’ to say I’m not usually quiet?” I challenged. “You tryin’ to say I’m chatty?”

He came back into view and I had to see his smirk. “Yeah. A little.”

“Butt.” He deserved it, too. I pouted at him as best as I could and watched red rise his neck with private glee. It wasn’t fair how easy it was to talk to him sometimes. When Yang abandoned me for her friends at Beacon I never would have thought I’d run into someone like Jaune.

“You don’t talk about your family much.” I wanted to know more about him. He knew about my family, which was sweet. Maybe I should, too. And I was curious about it a little. Curious about him. “Is there any reason for that?” I eventually managed. We shared emotions but I wanted to know about his history, too.

Blame a girl.

It was slow progress with Jaune, but I’d sort of known that would be the case from the start. The start being Beacon, of course, that day we’d first met. The fact that Jaune had seemed just as nervous as I had that day had immediately calmed me down enough to talk to him.

“I sort of told you a bit…” he trailed.

“The sisters.” I agreed. “But your parents. What are they all like?”

“They were… well…” I watched him struggle with himself and how he wanted to phrase it for me. “I told you I had to steal the sword and break into Beacon to get in, right? My parents never thought I could make it as a huntsman.”

Yikes. Okay, how do I crack this egg?

Jaune seemed to be mulling the same thing over. Still, despite how personal the subject was he didn’t seem hesitant on sharing it with me. He was just picking his words right.

Jaune was like that, it made him easier to talk to than most guys. Too easy, really.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t talked to guys. They really weren’t so different from girls, afterall. Not that I’d been super great at talking to them, either. My first attempts at conversing with Weiss and Blake had been so flat that I found myself cringing a little thinking about it even in the saddle.

Me and Weiss had eventually figured things out. It had taken time and effort in a lot of ways like what I was doing with Jaune now, but it was different. A different kind of casual, and a different kind of ease.

Weiss didn’t give me sigh for sigh like Jaune did and she never reflected my blushes.

He was cute like that.

Anyways, Weiss, Yang, and even Blake had quickly dismissed him. It wasn’t their fault really. Jaune hadn’t looked like much. It was easy for other people to write Jaune off, but I’d seen what he really was. Or if not what he was, then I’d seen what he could be, and I wasn’t the only one either.

Pyrrha had obviously seen it, too.

Gosh, I didn’t like to think about Pyrrha much. Or Penny a whole lot either. That was awful of me, really. Wasn’t it? Thinking of either one made me sad and to be honest thinking about Pyrrha stirred a bunch of awful feelings that I was unsure of how to deal with at all.

Sweet little Ruby Rose jealous of her dead friend?

It made me a little sick to my stomach. If Pyrrha had lived would she and Jaune have shared this ride? Would I have stood a chance against her? Would I have even realized how much I cared about him if this hadn’t happened and he hadn’t come with me to Anima?

It wasn’t fair to anyone to think like that, though. It wasn’t fair to Pyrrha who would want the best for Jaune, maybe that wasn’t me, maybe it was. I thought it was. I could be a little biased, but I thought he was smiling more.

It was just that I never got to see Pyrrha smile more or give me her blessing or whatever. I was certain she would have given it to me. I was certain she would laugh about it, too. I would certainly have liked it, though.

But if she was alive to give it to me, she wouldn’t need to because she would be with Jaune.

It wasn’t fair to Jaune who deserved the chance to move on. Lingering on what could have been with Pyrrha had only dragged Jaune into this awful depression. When Pyrrha had first died Jaune had been so empty and had so little energy all the time.

He didn’t even have the energy to make fun of himself, which, trust me, I am working on. At least he was doing a little of that again.

Yay?

Last of all it wasn’t fair to me either because I loved him, too.

At the end of the day was I supposed to not love him because she loved him and was gone now? If everyone did that the world would be the most lonely and bleak place.

“My parents and I aren’t close at all,” he decided.

“Were they mean to you?” A bit of a loaded question but I had to know. I rode up beside him. The road was wide enough for us to ride side by side again. “Like Weiss’ parents?”

He just shook his head. “Not really, but they weren’t around much either.”

This was bad. Um… “I’m sure they loved you.”

“I wished they would have loved me different.” He confessed, biting his cheek.

“And your sisters?” Well if his parents weren’t there, then did he at least have somebody?

“They were all a lot younger than me.” He just shrugged. “I mean like five years, at least.”

That wasn’t a lot now, per se. But it would have been when he was younger. That sort of implied he wasn’t that close to any of them.

“Ah.” I wasn’t sure how to handle that, really. I was close to mine after all. A lot of what I did had to do with my family if only because it seemed like my family was somehow personally responsible for the last few decades of Remnant’s history.

Of course, I couldn’t share that with Jaune because I didn’t know either. Uncle Qrow hadn’t been clear on that.

“Well did you have friends back home?” Anybody at all?

“Not really, and not much of a home either.” Jaune struggled. “Like I said. If you hadn’t asked me to come with you here, then I’m not sure where I would have gone. You, Nora, and Ren are all I really have.”

“What about the rest of your friends from Beacon? Like my team.” He just kind of shook his head.

“I’m with as much of your team at once as I can be, now.” He grinned.

Right.

“And if I had the choice, I think I would rather be alone with you.” He gave me this confident grin. I recognized it as a little like the one he sometimes pressed against my lips.

“Uh…” I thought for a desperate moment, I couldn’t let him distract me with that. “You know CFVY, right?”

He shook his head and chuckled a little. “Ruby it’s fine.”

“It’s not alright. I don’t want…” I don’t want you to have been lonely? “Ugh… never mind.” I sat in silence for a minute and felt Jaune try and work up the courage to ask me what I meant. I wasn’t really sure what I meant so I moved on. “Should we stop and set up a camp.”

He’d been watching his scroll with the regularity he usually had when he was trying to be mindful of the time and make sure that we’d be safe for the night. It was an easy way to distract him. “I’m that obvious, huh.”

“Just to me,” I grinned. He scouted a place to stay and dismounted in front of me. We both knew he didn’t need to, but he still helped me down off my horse. He was a gentleman like that.

As he tried to swing me down to the ground, I put my arms around his neck and kissed him.

“Maybe tonight will be the night we figure out what your semblance does!”

He laughed to himself without smiling. He was doing it again, he thought I couldn’t hear him, making fun of himself, but I could.

He thought that because his semblance was weak now it would always be.

The goofball.

I knew that Jaune’s semblance was going to be something special the moment I saw the soft glow, a deep blue, like his eyes, rather than his usual golden aura. The soft light flared as he killed the Grimm, and he didn’t even notice it.

I knew it would be when the use wasn’t immediately obvious.

I knew it was special because it didn’t seem to do anything at all.

It was just Jaune.

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

-WG

[sitkowskiryan]

spunktober part one

title: blame it on the alcohol

pairing: huang ren jun/mark lee, lee donghyuck | haechan/mark lee, lee jeno/mark lee, mark lee/na jaemin 

Tags: voyeurism, fivesome - m/m/m/m/m, first time blow jobs, friends with benefits, oral sex, oral fixation, hand jobs

kink: being watched

AO3

taglist: @donghunstuff

If you asked Mark later how he ended up being fucked by one of his Dongsaengs while three other Dongsaengs watched, he would blame it on the three shots he was talked into earlier for Jaemin's birthday. The blue haired man had wanted to celebrate turning twenty by sharing his first shot with his eldest Hyung. Mark would blame the two shots that followed on Donghyuck for shoving them in his hand in rapid succession. Despite Mark's alcohol tolerance, he will claim until the end of the days that those shots were the cause of the following events.

Given their Idol statuses, the boys could not get too drunk but that did not stop the lightweights named Donghyuck and Jaemin. A shot and a beer later and two were giggling and falling all over themselves. Jeno was attempting to keep them up while Mark and Renjun simply laughed at the younger boys.

"You are going to wake up Jisung up," Renjun warned as he unlocked the door to their dorm, the trio stumbling in. Mark stifled his laughter, wanting to be respectful to their Maknae who had probably passed out on the couch once more. Jeno ushers Donghyuck and Jaemin into his bedroom, shoving the two of them on his bed in a mess of giggles. Mark took a second to ensure that Jisung was still sleeping, the brunet passed out with his mouth hanging open, before following the others in Jeno's room, closing the door behind him before the Donghyuck and Jaemin woke up their youngest.

"I can't believe that girl turned down Jeno-Hyung," Donghyuck cackled, a whine escaping him when the elder smacked the back of his head. Mark snorted at the other, sitting at Jeno's desk, but turning in the seat so he could see the others. "You know for an attractive Idol, you really have no game," he continued to cackle, despite the other hitting him again. Jaemin was practically red in the face from Donghyuck's words.

"None of you have any game," Renjun shook his head, sitting on the desk next to Mark. Like the eldest, Renjun had a good handle on his alcohol intake. It also helped that he had forgone the shot that the other four took.

"Like you would have any Hyung," Jeno huffed, his cheeks pink. He had drunk as much as Donghyuck and Jaemin, but he was a more subdue drunk.

"Have you even had sex Hyung?" Jaemin shot as well, wanting to join in the conversation, even though his words were slurring together. Mark and Renjun's eyebrows shot up at the bold words, both of them glancing at each other. Mark could not help slight quirk of his lips as he thought of how the other would answer that question.

"Hyungs?" Jeno questioned having seen the look the two exchanged. Donghyuck and Jaemin took a different approach.

"You two are fucking?"

"Mark-Hyung you are with our Renjunnie-Hyung?"

Renjun snorted at their outbursts, running his fingers through his hair before he shook his head in disbelief. They really had no respect. Mark put his own head in his hands at their questions, torn between embarrassment and laughter.

"Aish, learn some respect brats," Renjun huffed at the two playfully, swiping at the other two. There were suddenly three sets of eyes focused on Mark and Renjun. You would think that they had not been all giggly thirty seconds ago from the looks on their face. "What?"

"Are you going to tell us about you and Hyung?" Jaemin asked, leaning forward on his knees and looking between his Hyungs. Mark's neck was red in embarrassment, turning to look at Renjun. The younger was smirking back at him, nodding towards the Dongsaengs.

"Go on and tell them Markie," Donghyuck's eyes widened at the lack of honorifics used by Renjun. Mark smacked Renjun's knees for the nickname, shifting in the chair.

"Um, yeah, uh… Renjun and I have slept together from time to time," he answered quietly, wincing at the ensuing chaos. Donghyuck shot off the bed and shook Mark by the shoulders while Jaemin tossed himself back on the bed as if he fainted. Jeno was still calm, though his eyes were wide.

"For how long?" Donghyuck cried as he shook Mark, Renjun having to pull the boy off of Mark before he gave him whiplash. Mark had to grab on to the desk to stable his vision, shoving Donghyuck away from him before he could grab him again.

"Two years? Give or take, we stopped for a time when Mark turned twenty until I was twenty as well. It does not happen all that often," Renjun took the lead since Mark was currently red in the face. It was one thing for your Dongsaengs to catch you masturbating or something, but to tell that that you have been fuck buddies with their other Hyung was something entirely different.

"I can't believe you hid this from us," Jaemin huffed, looking a tad upset.

"What did you want us to do? Come up to you and detail how pretty Mark sounds while he gets fucked into the bed?" Renjun's words sparked more chaos, Mark joining in this time by hitting Renjun in the stomach.

"Ew gross Hyung!"

"Yes! Knowing would have been nice, Hyung!"

"Why did you tell them that!"

"Mark-Hyung bottoms?"

Jeno's question paused the chaos as they all turned to look at their eldest Hyung. Mark rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and shrugged his shoulders. He could not help that bottom felt the best. Plus all the tall, muscular men around him only fueled his need to be pinned down. Though one may point out that Mark was taller than Renjun, but the younger made up for that with his dominance. Plus it is really hot to see small Renjun fuck him stupid.

"I can't believe our Markie-Hyung bottoms," Mark smacked at Donghyuck's hand that made to pinch his cheek, narrowing his eyes at him. Renjun just grinned from next to Mark, extremely proud of himself. "Would you bottom for me Hyung?"

"In your dreams,"

"What about me, Hyung?" Jeno asked playfully though all of their eyes widened when Mark blushed at the thought. It was silent for two beats of his heart before Donghyuck and Jaemin begun to giggle once more. Jeno just beamed at the knowledge, looking more confident knowing that even though he struck out at the bar, he could top his Hyung. Mark scowled at the three and crossed his eyes over his chest.

"As if you both would bottom for Jeno too, given the chance," he grumbled which only spurred on more teasing. He huffed at them, sliding his chair a bit away from Renjun because that traitor was laughing too.

Here is when Mark believes that the alcohol begun to guide their decisions. Had they been sober this would have never happened.

"Hyung, do you think you could show us?"

The question was asked by Jaemin this time, his big eyes staring at Renjun with curiosity shining in them. The question had caused Donghyuck and Jeno to sit up a bit straighter while Mark choked on his spit, practically folding in half as he coughed. Renjun was the only one that did not seem too disturbed by the question, though his head did tilt to the side.

"Like put on a show?" He asked, quirking his eyebrow at the youngest in the room. Jaemin thought for a second before nodding, moving his doe eyes to Mark, adding a pout to his lips.

"For my birthday Hyung?"

Mark licked his lips nervously and looked up at Renjun. It had been awhile since the two of them got to be alone with each other. Both had busy schedules and this was the first time that Mark was able to make time to come see his Dreamies.

"I'm for it if you are Markie," Renjun said softly, reaching out to rule his fingers through Mark's hair. Mark leaned up into the other's touch, biting his lip.

"Are you two going to stay?" He asked, having to clear his throat for a second as he looked between Jeno and Donghyuck. Jeno immediately nodded, a certain fire to his eyes that had appeared when he found out that Mark would let him top him. Donghyuck took a second longer, though it appeared his curiosity was getting the best of him and he nodded as well.

"Can we use your bed Jeno?" Renjun asked, tugging the desk chair closer to him to be able to access Mark easier. The blond nodded his head, tugging Jaemin and Donghyuck off the bed so it was free for the two elders. The trio shuffled over to the small couch in the room, squishing together easily.

Renjun nodded to Jeno before turning his attention to Mark. He reached forward to grab his chin and tilted his head to look at him.

"Does Markie want to play?" He cooed, watching as the nerves in the other's eyes practically melted away at the familiar tone that Renjun used. The trio were practically holding their breath. They had never seen their Hyung like this. Mark bobbed his head slightly, eyes glancing towards the Dongsaengs. Renjun grabbed his chin a bit more firmly, pulling his head towards him. "Don't worry about them. They are just going to  watch… Unless you want them to play too?" Mark bit his lip at the question, looking unsure of how he wanted to answer.

"Want to give Nana something for his birthday," he murmured to Renjun, the other humming at his words.

"Shall I ask him what he wants?" Mark nodded his head, squirming in his seat. "Nana, Mark wants to give you something special for your birthday, is there anything you want?" Jaemin stared back at his Hyung as he if he was speaking a different language, Donghyuck nudging him to get his attention.

"Um, is there anything he likes doing?" Jaemin asked softly, his eyes wide as he took in how docile his Hyung seemed to be in Renjun's hold.

"Blowjobs, right Markie?" The eldest nodded rapidly, looking ecstatic at the mere mention of getting to suck someone off. Renjun grinned at Mark before glancing up at Jaemin. "Sound good Nana?" Jaemin gulped, fidgeting in his seat now. Though the tightness that was growing in his pants was probably the cause of his discomfort.

"Yeah Hyung," Jaemin's voice was little shaky.

Renjun nodded slipping off the desk and pulling Mark up by his chin.

"Let's give them a show Markie," Renjun smirked, turning so the others would have a good view as he connected their lips together. Three gasps echoed through the room, though they were muffled by the moan that escaped Mark.

The kiss was gentle at first, the two needing to learn each other briefly and a little shy with an audience. The gentleness of the kiss did not last long however, Renjun being spurred on by Mark's hands clutching at his waist. He shifted the kiss down to the elder's neck, sucking soft marks on him.

"You gonna be a good boy for us Markie?" Renjun whispered to the taller man, smirking at his nod. "Strip for us then," he demanded, coming up to kiss Mark's lips once more before stepping away from him and stepping up to Jaemin, the youngest looking around frantically as his Hyung approached him.

Mark was busy stripping down, not making eye contact with Donghyuck and Jeno who were raptly watching him. Renjun was pulling Jaemin up from the couch and setting him in the desk chair.

"Birthday boy Nana," he cooed, tilting Jaemin's head up. The youngest was sitting in shock at being on the receiving side of this attention. "Would you keep Markie's mouth busy while I prep him?" Jaemin stared up at his Hyung in disbelief before nodding rapidly, biting his lip. "You heard him Markie, take care of the birthday boy."

Jaemin's head shot towards his eldest Hyung as the other shuffled forward and knelt between his legs.

"Can I Nana?"

"Yeah, um, yeah go for it," Jaemin stuttered, a little surprise when Mark tilted his head up for a kiss. Jaemin was not a complete virgin. He had kissed girls before and some boys as well, but kissing his Hyung felt different. Like forbidden fruit. This was the same man who he had looked up to for years and here he was knelt naked between his legs and trying to tease Jaemin's tongue out of his mouth.

A strangled moan escaped Mark suddenly, causing Jaemin to pull back in worry. He ended up with a lap of Mark and he could see what had caused the other to moan like that. Without their notice, Renjun had found lube and had slipped a finger into Mark.

"Get to work Markie," Renjun grinned, aiming his finger until Mark let out a small cry as he struck his prostate.

"Nana," Mark moaned, reaching up to begin to tug at the other's belt. Jaemin stood up a bit to help the other out, shoving his pants down his legs as Mark tugged his boxers down.

"Nice Nana," Donghyuck spoke for the first time, startling Jaemin and Mark, who was already reaching up to stroke Jaemin. Jaemin blushed at Donghyuck's comment, sitting back in the chair and tipping his head back as Mark stroked him.

"Hyung," he whimpered softly, trembling already. No one other than himself had ever touched his cock before and it was a new experience. The youngest felt his cheeks turn red as he realized that he would probably not last long. He did not want his Hyung to tease him for cumming so quickly.

"Why the blush Nana?" Renjun teased, tapping Mark's thigh to get him to wrap his lips around Jaemin's cock. He knew exactly why Jaemin was so red in the face. He had been in the exact same spot two years ago when Mark had come to him stressed out and needing relief. "Is Markie's mouth good?" He continued, smirking as he watched lanky fingers slide into Mark's hair and tug harshly, all nerves over this being his Hyung seemingly gone from Jaemin's head.

"So fucking good," the blue haired man panted, his hips slightly canting up into Mark's mouth. And the black haired man was letting him do it. Use him. He had never seen this side of Mark before and it made him curious to see how far it went. Renjun aimed his fingers at Mark's prostate at the same moment as Jaemin thrust into his mouth, chuckling as Mark let out a whine, the rapper unsure if he wanted to get more of Renjun's fingers or Jaemin's cock.

"Such a greedy Hyung," Renjun tutted, slipping another finger into Mark. Usually by now he would already be buried in Mark, but he wanted Jaemin to cum first before he fucked Mark stupid. Besides he knew that Mark would not be able to focus on blowing the other if Renjun was fucking him.

"Fuck Hyung," it was Jeno this time that spoke, the blond's eyes wide as he watched Mark deep throat Jaemin like it was nothing.

"Can Mark-Hyung blow me too?" Donghyuck asked, practically squirming at the chance to be in Jaemin's spot. Renjun quirked a brow at that, smirking once more. The NCT 127 dorms were about to get a lot more interesting now that Donghyuck knew this side of Mark.

"Let's not overwhelm our Hyung. Tonight is Nana's birthday and he gets what he wants. I'm sure if you asked nicely Markie wouldn't mind dropping to his knees," Renjun warned Donghyuck, though when their eyes met they were alight with mischief. "Markie has a bit of an oral fixation, loves getting his mouth around some cock, right Markie?"  He teased, the rapper trying to nod around Jaemin to no avail.

Renjun slipped a third finger into Mark right as Jaemin started to moan loudly and lose the rhythm of his thrusts. Mark had his hands braced on the other's thighs, not to stop his thrusts but for leverage and Renjun wished he could see from the other's point of view. Mark was handsome on the worst day. On his knees between two of his Dongsaengs was probably a masterpiece.

"Hyung!" Jaemin came with a hoarse cry, his hands accidentally shoving Mark's head down until his nose was pressed against his pelvis. Mark gagged a bit as the salty fluid shot down his throat, but did not make to pull off until Jaemin let out a surprise gasp and pulled him up by his hair.

Donghyuck and Jeno were holding their breaths at the scene. Jaemin had just forced Mark down on his cock, came down his throat and yanked him back up by his hair. There was no doubt in their minds that their Hyung was about to explode at the youngest. None of the trio were prepared for the pathetic whimper that let Mark as the rapper rest his cheek on Jaemin's hip, eyeing the soften cock with a look of longing. Jaemin groaned at the words, his cock twitching under the intensity of Mark's stare. Three pairs of eyes shot to Renjun for an explanation, the man already laughing at their expressions.

"I told you he had an oral fixation," was all he offered.

Now that Jaemin was done, Renjun begun to strip and get himself ready to fuck Mark. He thought it would be interesting to fuck Mark right there in Jaemin's lap. Mark whimpered once more when the other pulled his fingers out of him, clutching onto Jaemin. The forlorn look on the eldest face did not last long as Renjun lined up and begun to slide inside of him.

Five groans echoed in the room as Renjun slowly bottomed out in Mark. Donghyuck and Jeno had moved off the couch to sit on the floor, wanting to be closer to watch. This was the strangest thing that they had ever done before but they were all into it. Mark looked ethereal stretched out around Renjun's cock.

Mark shifted around impatiently, glancing back at Renjun. The other ran his hand up his back and clutched his shoulder.

"I got you Markie," he hummed, leaning down to kiss his back as he begun to move his hips. All watched as Mark's eyes rolled back in his head, mouth falling open to let out moans. The noises begun to get louder as Renjun's hips sped up, the sounds Mark was making only spurring him on. Jaemin was stroking the Mark's hair as his Hyung cried out in his lap, rocking with the force of Renjun's thrusts.

"Hyung," both Mark and Renjun looked up at the name, watching Jeno shuffle forward with his fingers reached out. The blond paused nervously for a second, gasping when Mark ducked forward to take Jeno's fingers in his mouth, sucking on them. Jeno's mouth dropped as his Hyung twirled his tongue around fingers like they were a cock. It made him hard in a way he had never experienced before. Mark let his eyes fall close softly moaning around the younger's fingers.

"Hey, no fair!" Donghyuck whined, shifting up close enough for Mark to feel his body heat. He let out surprised moan when a calloused hand wrapped around his cock, stroking tentatively before building up speed. Mark pulled off Jeno's fingers, spit connecting Jeno's fingers and Mark's lips. The rapper tilted his head down to look at Donghyuck, drooling a little.

"Hyuckie," he panted, feel overwhelmed by how many hands were on him right now. Jeno pushed his fingers back into Mark's mouth, pressing on his tongue so the other drooled some more. Mark's eyes shot up to Jeno, his body shaking as he neared his orgasm. With his schedules between 127, Super M, and the upcoming Dream comeback, Mark barely had any time to himself other than when he was asleep. It had been awhile since he even got to masturbate. And now he was being touched all over and fucked for the first time in months. It was only reasonable that he would not last too long.

"You gonna come for us Hyung?" Renjun grunted, his eyes focused on where Jeno was practically forces Mark to drool all over Jaemin's lap. He would be worried about Jeno's grip if he did not know that Mark was having the time of his life right now. Mark moaned in response, Donghyuck's hand tightening around his cock. Renjun groaned as Mark tightened around him, his thrusts picking up as fast as he could go.

When Mark came, all of them paused for a moment to take in the sight of their Hyung coming on Donghyuck's hand. He came with a sob, Jeno's fingers slipping deeper into his mouth. Renjun hissed at how tight Mark got, slipping out of the other and beginning to stroke his own cock. Mark's whined at the loss, but Renjun smacked his thigh.

"Stop being greedy," He growled, his own orgasm building in his stomach.

Renjun came with a small groan, covering Mark's back in his come. The rapper slumped against Jaemin's lap, his body tired and spent. He shifted his head back away from Jeno's fingers and looking up towards Jaemin.

"Happy birthday Nana," his voice was raspy and it was luck that Mark did not have to use his voice much tomorrow.

"Thanks for my present Hyung," Jaemin smiled softly, wiping some of the drool from Mark's face.

"C'mon Hyung, let's get cleaned up," Renjun hummed, helping the other up from the floor and supporting the other's weight as he wavered slightly. His knees were rubbed raw from the carpet and would probably hurt for a while. Renjun gave Donghyuck and Jeno a knowing look towards their crotches before he helped Mark out of the room and towards the bathroom.

The trio seemed to understand his meaning since they returned to three sated smiles on the younger's face. They all appeared shirtless, though upon getting in the bed, they discovered they were wearing boxers. Renjun settled Mark between Donghyuck and Jaemin before taking up the spot behind Donghyuck since Jeno was already curled up at Jaemin's back. Mark may blame the situation on alcohol, but he is perfectly content being wrapped in their arms right now.

This moment was worth the embarrassment that was sure to come in the morning.

------------------------------------------------------

hi hi hi! i haven't wrote in a loong time and i am coming back with a challenge for october! it is going to be called spunktober since i already have story named kinktober. i am most likely going to make this into a series instead of a chaptered story because i don't want the tags to get crazy or accidentally have someone read something they don't want to read!

please please please let me know how you like this! and if you have any requests please let me know!

all the information for this challenge can be found here.

come yell at me on twitter or maybe buy me a coffee since i am unemployed college student who is addicted to coffee!

i hope you all have a good day!

[bexterbex]

A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 13

Warning, if it hasn’t been obvious in the movies there is Nazi symbolism within the First Order. I will expand on this much more throughout the story. If this is something that bothers you, please just exit the story. The author does not condone any Nazi ideals, this is just for fictional uses only.

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with some canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

Originally posted on my Ao3 Crystallclover (If you can’t find it here)

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7a | 7b | 8 | 9a | 9b | 10 | 11 | 12

Chapter 13: Into the War Room

You walked into the room and immediately regretted putting on a sweater that morning. The room was full of different world leaders, the U.S. President, the Prime Minister of Australia, Federal Chancellor of Germany, Prime Minister of France, Prime Minister of Russia, Prime Minister of Japan and the President of Brazil. The other end of the table was full of different First Order officers, General Hux saw that you had entered with Kylo, "can we get a chair for Lady Ren?” And one of the suited staff members scurried and brought one to him.

The general moved down a spot, Kylo seated himself at the head of the table and you sat next to him. At the other end of the table sat the U.S. President. You felt as if you just stepped into a war room.

The U.S. President asked, “Are we to resume?”

“Refresh my memory as to what we were discussing,” said Kylo.

“We were discussing how to best handle the riots that are happening in Paris, then the once in Hong-Kong, and the ones here in the U.S.,” said the Federal Chancellor of Germany.

“Yes, what is currently being done now,” Kylo asked, probably for your benefit more than anything.

“Currently we have a hold on all news media and social media around the world. We have stopped government benefits in the area, areas are on lockdown and there is local military involvement,” said the Prime Minister of Australia.

You spoke up, “Why are they rioting?” And all eyes turned to you. The other end of the table was silent.

“Answer her question,” you could hear the harsh demand coming from the vocoder beside you.

“The people don’t want First Order occupation,” said the Prime Minister of France.

“What are they demanding then,” asked General Hux.

At this, the Prime Minister of France and the Federal Chancellor of Germany shared a worried look before the Prime Minister of France looked at you quickly before saying, “The people of France are calling the First Order Nazis.”

The Prime Minister of Japan also spoke, “The people of Hong-Kong are calling the First Order a Mao regime.”

A First Order officer who you didn’t know asked, “why? Is that a problem.”

Your eyes flicked to her as she spoke. Knowing the answer. “It is, the people will never trust the First Order if they keep thinking like this. Unless you want all of the First Order in Paris to be guillotined you have to move carefully.”

She looked shocked at your answer, but it was General Hux that spoke first, “These Nazis what did they do?”

You weren’t prepared to give an in-depth WWII history lesson so you said simply, “They tried to occupy most of Europe through military gain, for 12 years. They killed over 17 million people during that time. They tried to systematically exterminate an entire race of people and ultimately failed. They are one of the most hated groups of people to have ever walked the Earth.”

“And Mao,” asked another officer you did not know.

“During his 27-year reign, he killed around 40-80 million people in China. Starvation, prison labor and mass execution to name a few. Although he helped build modern China, he and his regime were extremists. Mao is more controversial than the Nazis as some praise him for his resurgence of China’s world power. But the First Order should take both of their comparisons as insults if you want to move forward.”

The room fell silent to your answer, you could tell the world leaders were doing their best to please the First Order, but the people were retaliating and some in large numbers. Something would have to be done in order to maintain peace.

Kylo asked, “what would you suggest that we do in order?” He took your hand in his, even through the mask you could tell his attention was solely on you.

You thought about your answer for a minute. “You need to gain their trust somehow.  Panem et Circenses  or something. Give them something they want. Give them some semblance of power. I don’t know how to do it per se, but something would have to be done to avoid a Les Miserables style ending.”

“Bread and Circuses that is what you are suggesting,” asked Prime Minister of Russia. “Or power, you are contradicting yourself.” He seemed a bit annoyed that you were here.

Kylo’s grip on your hand tightened as his head snapped toward the man who just questioned you.

You answered before he did, “I cannot answer that for sure, I believe the people in France will want power as do the people in Hong-Kong, the Americans may be swayed with some sort of entertainment. I don’t know, have whatever public executions happen here, or give them someone else to hate. They are used to feeling like the best people in the world and now that patriotism and pride are stripped from them. Something needs to be done. I don’t have all of the answers.”

Kylo then spoke, “I would keep your thoughts to yourself Prime Minister and I would think twice before addressing her in that matter—even in your head.”

This made the Prime Minister go wide-eyed with fear.

Thoughts what about his thoughts? Certainly, Kylo couldn’t read minds, could he? You were broken away from your questions by him saying, “We will form a civilian consortium and allow them to give input on the way things are run in these local areas. I will have officers and local government officials heading the councils. We may have to adjust timelines for education and registration within these areas. Give them the hope of peace and control. I agree that public executions should be localized to one area. Shall we say the steps of the Capitol building? We should control the media as to not let problematic areas witness these executions until it has been deemed safe.”

Everyone was silent, you wondered how many hours they had been deliberating this before you stepped into the room. Hux was the first to speak, “that is an excellent plan Supreme Leader and Lady Ren.” The rest of the First Order officers nodded and clapped in agreement. “Shall I execute an order now?”

“Yes, and we will pause before our next meeting so that those who need to collect their thoughts may do so,” Kylo said pointedly at the Russian Prime Minister.

With that he stood as did you, he took your arm once again and you left to go back to the red sitting room.

Kylo removed his helmet and you watched him take a deep breath before turning to face you. His face was stoic but there was something wild in his eyes. He was trying to take control of his breathing.

“Kylo, is everything alright?”

He removes his glove and takes your hand, he seems to calm down. He leads you to sit down, this time side by side holding hands. He then gently takes off his other gloves with his teeth. Moves your hand to his lap and runs his fingers over his name on your wrist. He is lost in a trance, just slowly tracing his name—letter by letter. Again and again, it seemed like time had stopped.

“I won’t let them treat you like that. I won’t let them think of you like that,” he said barely above a breath.

“What do you mean? What do they think of me?” You were worried now.

Kylo looks back up into your eyes, the wildness was back, he swallowed before saying, “They treat you as if you are below them when you are above everyone. The Russian Prime Minister thinks you are…” His voice dies, he is struggling to say it.

“What does he think of me Kylo,” you ask now placing your other hand over the one that is tracing his name.

“He thinks that you are just some plaything that I brought in for my amusement, nothing more than a harlot who pleases me.” He was shaking, a tear slips past and his resolve broken.

You reach up and wipe the tear from his face, he holds his breath at the touch. He moves into the caress and you hear a whimper.

“But you and I know the truth. Why does it matter what he thinks,” you ask still holding a hand to his face.

He looks at you his willpower returning as a fire is set in his eyes. “Because he doesn’t even deserver to look at you let alone think about you.”

“What do you mean think about me? How do you know what he thinks about me?”

His willpower seemed to crack at this question. “I can hear him, through the Force. It’s like he projects them—his thoughts of you. He wants you, but he can’t have you.”

Your eyes widen at this. Shocked at the fact that he could read thoughts, possibly your thoughts. “I thought the Jedi use the Force.”

“I was trained as one of them once. Now I know better,” He paused the fire still in his eyes. “He is thinking of you right now. Vulgar, disgusting things. He doesn’t know who you are. Who you are to me, who you are to them. He wants to use you, in the way he thinks that I do as a slut.” The last word came out choked. He was angry and shaking.

Your thumb caressed his cheek. You flung yourself into his arms. He held you tightly to him. In his chest, you said, “like you said, he can’t have me. I told you before. Yesterday when we were in this room, I will stay with you.”

His face was buried in your hair. His labored breath became deeper. He held you as if the universe was going to rip you out of his arms at any moment. You stayed like that for a while before you separated. One of his hands now caressing your face, it felt like deja vu. The same position from yesterday. The man in front of you was broken, you were determined to fix him—to mend him.

“As much as I would love to stay like this for eternity, we need to get back to the next meeting,” he said while his thumb ghosted over your cheekbone down to your lip. He let go and started to put his gloves back on. And then his helmet, he stood and once again took your arm under his as you marched back into what you nicknamed the war room. Ready for battle.

[smokahuntis]

hey, just looked over your prompt list... could you do 4, 15 and 24 with Kylo? Idc just do your best

Bet

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader.

Prompts : “I’m not cleaning that up.” “Am I bleeding?” “If you say another word, I’m going to shut you up myself.”

Summery: (y/n) is Kylo Ren’s apprentice, and when she, Phoenix and Bubba take on heavy fire from the Resistance he comes to save them and find out what went wrong.

Warnings: Violence! Murder! Angst! Not a lot of Kylo!

Authors note: I do not own the characters Phoenix and Bubba! This is a collaboration with my friend @hxldmxdxwn who so nicely let me use them! Also I’m sorry this kinda turned into just them for a minute because I miss my boys.

Fire, fire rained down from the burning trees and weapons that sounded in the distance. Most of the troopers she brought with her are dead, and most of the resistance that opposed her had found the same fate. She called for pick up almost an hour ago and no one was there, she tried reaching out to her master but nothing would come threw. She couldn’t hear him, almost couldn’t even feel he was alive.

He trusted her to do this one mission alone, it wasn’t even supposed to go this way. It was a simple ask some questions get some answers type mission with a few locals. But how we ended up here was a different story.

She was walking back to her ship with her to trusted guards YO-988 and YW-382. Phoenix and Bubba, Kylo’s most trusted troopers and probably the only two who could actually call her by her first name. Also the only two allowed to escort her or train with her. They quickly became her best friends around The Finalizer, training with her when her master was to busy, and protecting her when he became a little to viscous.

Her black and red cape blew in the winds of the forest as she made her way back to the ship, her lightsaber attached to her side tightly. Bubba felt somethibg was wrong before she did, stopping in front of her and putting his hand in front of her, his silver armor shining in the light of the forest. Just as Phoenix was about to ask what was wrong he felt it too, and quickly all three of them were bringing out their weapons.

“This should be fun!” Phoenix said looking over his shoulder to the shorter girl and his partner. The red light from her lightsaber shining against his golden armor.

“You need to get back to the ship princess!” Bubba said looking down at her figure.

“I’m not leaving you guys!”

“We can take care of our selves!” They said at the same time. Just as the Resistance men starting coming towards them, they were moving fast and the soldiers quickly realized it was to late for her to get to the ship with how far it was. Phoenix’s right hand came out pushing her closer to them as he shot down Resistance soldiers. Bubba in the other hand stayed close to them but moved away starting hand to hand combat with his staff.

She loved their protective nature over her but hated that she knew she could handle herself, and she was going to prove it, and here was her chance. Bubba was a little to occupied to notice someone get to close the golden plated marksman, swinging her red lightsaber threw the hair taking him out easily and catching a small thanks from Phoenix, but everything only continued, getting harder for just the three of them. She reached down to a band on her wrist snapping it letting the wired band hit the ground of the forest. The breaking of it alerted the ship of troopers above waiting that something is wrong. Quickly troopers rained down from the sky assisting them in the battle that ensued.

Phoenix turned quickly to make sure (y/n) was still close by as he saw bubba miss a shot.

“Hey cum dumpster! Targets over there!” He said shooting someone behind bubba with complete ease. Bubba only rolled his eyes under the helmet and threw a knife behind Phoenix nearly cutting his helmet as it went into the Resistance soldiers head.

“You’re welcome cumshot!”

“You two shut up and cover me.” She said running back to the ship with them following close behind, taking out anything and anyone that got to close to them or her.

Just as they reached the ship she quickly got on sending out a signal to the Finalizer.

“If the ship working?” Bubba said as he boarded walking over to her looking down at the panel, no fuel.

“I think one of them took out the tank, but I can still get a signal out...” she said working on the codes finally sending a signal out to her master, Kylo Ren. The blasting and loud noises outside quickly calmed down as Phoenix entered the ship looking at her.

“Am I bleeding?” He said taking his helmet off, one side was broken and you could see the emerald gem stones he called eyes.

“Fuel is empty...” she said before a loud noise came from the outside sending them all out rushing to see it. An X-Wing, flew over head letting fire rain down on them Phoenix moved her behind him quickly taking the shot he had, the pilot was gone and the plain came crashing down near them, setting the forests around it ablaze.

Though they thought that would be the last of it they were wrong, it was a distraction for more men to come towards them. But they all got separated quickly which was something the two troopers always hated. But (y/n) didn’t mind, she liked being able to fight openly and not worry about hurting her partners as she took out soldier after soldier, she fought gracefully not caring for the pain that took over them as she cut them down. And that’s how they got here.

She stood in the middle of bodies, her cape flowing around her as YO-988 and YW-382 came back to her, noticing the fire in her eyes instantly, a fire that could only be matched by her master. And speaking of the devil, a ship landed close by, and the first person to exit was Kylo Ren himself. Phoenix and Bubba knowing of Kylo’s little crush on the girl caused them to nudge each other and giggle, waiting for Kylo’s reaction to the mess his little apprentice had made.

She looked up seeing his masked figure and instantly her lightsaber shut down and clicked back to her waist. Before he could ask what happened she spoke up completely leaving him dumbfounded with the tone she used.

“I’m not cleaning that up!” She spat out and pushed past him into the ship, she was filled with anger and he could feel it, he could feel it run threw her as if it was his own veins being fueled with fire.

He stood there looking around them at what seemed to be hundreds of bodies, not only resistance but storm troopers as well, he looked up at his two trusted friends and sighed, looking for answers. But they just followed him onto the ship and to the small living space it held where they found (y/n) sitting there getting looked at by a nurse.

“What happened?” Kylo said taking off the helmet feeling safe with the troopers and her.

“Hux is a fucking liar...” she said glancing up at him, it was never like her to use such language, she was always quiet and never really fought, so today was completely out of character for her. Kylo not understanding where this came from he looked to her troopers for help.

“The locals knew nothing, and when we were on our way back we were ambushed.” Bubba said looking at Kylo who looked down thinking of ways this could have just been an accident and not what it was. But he wasn’t willing to accept it until someone said it.

“We were sent out there to die...” the apprentice said pulling the attention of everyone in the room to her.

“Leave us...” Kylo Ren said and quickly with out another word everyone left the room leaving just the two Sith to themselves. “What do you mean...” he said in a low tone as he moved towards her. She stood to try and meet his eye but never able to get high enough. He always towered over her.

“We were sent to a back water planet with nothing but forest and small towns! “ she growled out looking at him. “When we got there I didn’t sense a thing! Nothing was wrong until after! Someone knew we were coming!” She said looking at him, the implication she was making could be huge, and probably the biggest problem he could have other then liking his Padawan.

“Shut up...” he growled out looking down at her.

“No! Look at it how it is Ren! Three of your best men were sent out there and I’m surprised we made it out!” He his came up quickly grabbing her by her collar and staring into her rage filled eyes.

“If you say another word, I’m going to shut you up myself!” He said holding her collar tightly, their faces inches apart. He expected the threat to make her calm down and understand, but the fire in her eyes didn’t fade, it grew. It grew so bright it started a flame in his chest, but her words pored gasoline over it, causing it to spread.

“Do it...” she said calmly and his lips came crashing down to hers like the x-wing Phoenix shot down. Her blood covered hands coming up to grip the sides of his face as his moved to her waist pulling her closer. It would have gotten a lot farther had the two troopers not came back in.

“Boss man we go- oh shit!” Bubba said looking at them, Phoenix’s face dropped and his eyes rolled.

“Damnit...” he groaned handing over credits to Bubba.

“I win!”

[yankyo]

Can we please have some comfort for all that hurt? ;u;

Yes! Yes, you may!

Accident - Part 2

Warnings: Mention of abuse, blood 

   Chamie was acting weird, it wasn’t that he was trying to help, no that wasn’t it, but you could see an odd look on Beetlejuice’s face as the clone was being lectured and Chamie seemed to droop even lower as he looked at the charred remains of his attempt at cooking. And then as the mess in the kitchen was being situated, Chamie was found in the living room attempting to vacuum. It was an honest attempt and you were flattered again that he was trying to help, but you couldn’t help but grimace at the state of it. You certainly didn’t have the money to replace it this month, not when your rent was due and feeding so many new mouths left you a little strapped for cash. Speaking of, you were already running a little too late for work this morning, so even though you wanted to stay and take care of the situation, you had to rush to get ready and run out of the door yelling goodbyes as you went - Chamie wasn’t anywhere to be found and as much as you wanted to assure him that you weren’t upset and make sure he got his goodbye kiss, you resolved to make it up to him when you got home.

   Work was long and boring, a day of dealing with frustrating customers and pasting a smile on your face as you pretended to be listening to them ramble about whatever coupon they were so certain should be working and just how rude the other cashier had been to them last time - you were pretty certain it had been you, but then again, you really didn’t care. No, you were too busy thinking about Chamie’s sad face as he looked at his feet, just taking the lecture without even attempting to fight back. It hadn’t been the first time, but you hadn’t really noticed it before. No matter who it was, once someone started to yell at Chameleon, he seemed to almost shut down, his shoulders hunching and his ears drooping as he just let them take out their anger on him. The only time you had ever seen Chamie fighting back was during the little mock fights he had with the others during game night and even then, it wasn’t really shouting. Despite all the time you had spent with them, how was this the first time you really noticed this? Was there other ticks you had overlooked? Other little signs things weren’t entirely alright with the group of demons you loved so dearly? The thought made your heart ache and it was all you could do to just stay at work and not rush back home to your lovers.

   After what seemed like an eternity, you were finally off the clock and rushing back to your car with a new ball of yarn to replace the one Chamie had messed up this morning. You would sit him down and have a talk about this morning and make sure everything was alright with him, and definitely smother the cute clone with kisses and make sure he knew just how much you really appreciated him, how you appreciated all of them. Your plans for the night were optimistic, but as you pulled up to your home and stepped out of your car, you could hear shouting from the driveway. A chill went through your veins, unsure of what was happening but from the yelling, you could be certain it wasn’t anything good.

   “My books! Why would you even mess with them?”

   “We’re going to have to clean up your mess again!”

   “The kitchen is covered in bubbles, you idiot! What did you do?”

   “What is going on?” You cut in, tossing your bags to the side as you pushed through the gathering of demons to find what they were swarming around and the sight just broke your heart. Chamie was curled into a ball, his arms locked around himself and his grip on his arms so tight you could see blood beginning to stain his sleeves. His hair was a swirling mess of purple and blue with a flash of grey that made you want to cry. “Get back from him, give him some space!” The clones blinked at you, looking down to their comrade as if just realizing how bad the situation had gotten, giving you space to lean in and try to pet Chamie’s hair to get his attention. As you moved closer, the clone raised his head, his eyes glazed and sightless before fear filled them and he stuck out as if trying to fight off his aggressor. You couldn’t help the pained yelp, falling back as you instinctively grabbed the wound, blood welling up through your clenched fingers. Yellow flashed through Chamie’s hair as his eyes seemed to clear before bleeding back to blue, to purple to a dark color you had never seen any of them wear before: black. He gaped at you, looked to his own hand as if it were a separate entity entirely before he reached out for you once more, looking so sorry you thought he would burst into tears right then and there, but before he could touch you the other clones swarmed around you both. Chamie was shoved back as you were dragged into someone’s arms, more shouting and hissing at the cowering clone before Chamie bolted away, half running on all fours as he fled deeper into the house.

   The clones clamoured around you, half dragging you into the bathroom to rinse out the bleeding wound on your arm. Ren took charge of the situation, calling for Bee to get the medical kit for him as he gingerly checked out your wound, sighing in relief after a moment.

   “Thank goodness, you won’t need to get stitches.”

   “What happened today, why was everyone yelling at Chamie?” You couldn’t care less about your injury, no, you needed to know what had lead to Chamie lashing out like that. You knew he hadn’t been attacking you, but something else, something he was clearly terrified of. Chamie would never have hurt you, none of them would, you knew that. The question made Ren wince, as if ashamed of his actions now that he had calmed down but instead of answering, he instead busied himself with tending to your injury,

   “Chamie half destroyed the house,” Jazz, on the other hand, didn’t hold back. “The kitchen is filled with bubbles, he fucked with the washer and dryer, pretty sure half of your clothing is ruined, and he messed with our shit.”

   “He put up the puzzle I’ve been working on all this time.” Jay was pouting in the corner, but you could see a guilty light shining in his eyes. “But all of us jumping on him like that wasn’t right. He doesn’t do well with shouting...” the clones all fell silent, a chill going through them all that stopped you from pressing any further. It wasn’t until Ren finished wrapping your arm and Beetlejuice stepped through the group around you to inspect the job that the silence was broken.

   “I should really clean up the mess...” Ren started shepherding the others out the door, “Someone needs to go find where Chamie holed himself up in.”

   “I’ll find Chamie.” There was no room for negotiation in your tone and the clones didn’t seem surprised, though Beetlejuice didn’t move from his place in front of you.

   “When he gets like this, it won’t be easy to get through to him.” It was phrased like a warning, but Beetlejuice looked resigned, as if this were something that he had tried to fix but knew that he couldn’t. “He might lash out at you again, and next time he might not recognize you in time.”

   “I’ll be alright.” Even if he did lash out, you weren’t scared. Chamie needed someone to reach out to him with kindness, needed to know that you weren’t angry at him. “Ren, can you handle the laundry? Bee and Wasp, clean up the mess in the kitchen, Jazz, Cici, and Jay can put their things back in order how they like it.” The clones nodded and Beej stepped back finally, closing his eyes and focusing for a moment.

   “He’s holed up somewhere cramped and dark. Pretty musty.” You thought to where in the house Chamie would feel the safest and your heart sank with the answer.

   “I’ll be back.” You kissed Beej on the cheek, giving him a reassuring smile before you headed up to the attic. Your attic was tiny, more of an extra storage space than anything, but a person could fit up there if they stooped, and Chamie could definitely curl into a tight enough ball to cram himself into even the smallest space. Your fears were confirmed at the sight of a trembling black and white ball stuffed up against the wall, black and white hair swirling violently. “Chamie? Baby, it's me.” As you crawled in closer, you could hear the muffled crying grow louder in response to you. “Chamie, it’s ok, I promise.”

   “No it isn’t!” Came the responding wail, anguish clear in his tone. “I hurt you! I ruined everything! You hate me!” You could hear his bones creak in protest as he curled in tighter on himself, even his flexibility was being pushed to its limits.

   “I don’t hate you, look, I’m all patched up, you didn’t ruin anything. The mess is already being cleaned up and everything.” Instead of trying to touch him again you settled down with him. “I could never hate you.” Despite your words, he continued to cry, heart wrenching, body shaking wails that made you want to gather him up in your arms and never let go. Between his sobs, he spoke, the words almost unintelligible, but you strained to understand him,

   “Monster..... useless... ruins everything.... she was right....” The last part caught your attention,

   “Can I touch you?” You asked, the ball jolted, but he didn’t respond, so you laid a gentle hand on his back, slowly rubbing back and forth. Though he didn’t relax in the slightest, Chamie shuffled closer to you, his head almost in your lap now. “Is....” You paused, almost afraid to ask this question for fear of hurting Chamie more than he already was. “Is that what Juno told you?” His trembling worsened, but he raised his head slightly to place fully into your lap.

   “She... Juno... She didn’t really like any of us, but...” His shuddered, his eyes tightly shut. “She hated me. I... I wasn’t supposed to exist, I was wrong. Demons aren’t supposed to feel and making something like me was just another sign that Boss wasn’t what she wanted him to be. When she was angry at boss she would make him bring me out and she would...” He trailed off with another shudder, his hand reaching behind himself to touch the small of his back, a sign you had seen once before but hadn’t asked what it meant. Slowly, watching him to make sure he was ok, you reached out to tug up the edge of his shirt over his back, your heart breaking at the sight. Each clone had their own scars, Beetlejuice as well, but this was bad. There was a gnarled, nasty looking scar from countless injuries as if someone had slammed something into his back countless times over the years, and it wasn’t just in one place either.

   “Oh Chamie,” you pulled him in closer and despite his shaking, Chamie let himself be pulled into a hug that he returned after a moment. The demon clung to you tightly, laying his head on your shoulder as he continued to cry. "I'm going to kill her. I'm going to find whatever sandworm ate her, drag her pieces from its belly to out her back together, figure out how to resurrect a dead demon lady and then I'm going to throttle her to death." Murderous anger was a feeling you never thought you could feel, but ever since you had heard of Juno and what she had done to your demons, you didn't doubt that you could have ripped that bitch apart with your bare hands if she were to stand before you. "Chamie, listen, Juno is nothing more than a bitter old bitch who liked nothing more than to make other people miserable because she had nothing better to do with her life. She was wrong about Beetlejuice and she's wrong about you." He raised his head slightly, but wasn't meeting your eyes so you continued on. "You're such a good boy that cares so deeply for everyone around him, and I'm so happy to have you in my life. You knew that I was going to do laundry today and tried to get it done for me, you knew today I had to clean up and brought out the vacuum, even if you messed up a bit you still tried and I'm so proud of you for that. I'll show you how to work everything next time and you'll do an amazing job because you're so smart and attentive that it just blows my mind that you're with me." Watery eyes finally met yours, a streak of green cutting through his hair.

"Really?" He asked weakly, you couldn't help it, you cupped his cheeks and kissed him softly.

"Really." Another tear escaped him, but a small, wobbly smile curled at his lips.

"I don't think you could pull body parts out of a sandworm. That'd take a really long, really strong fishing pole."

"Hell, I'll tie a rope around my waist and dive headfirst if I gotta." He laughed now, hugging you tighter.

"No! Sandworm spit is so gross! It smells and clings to you like a jelly!" He stuck his tongue out at the thought, making a disgusted sound.

“I’ve gotta do what I gotta do to defend my baby boy.” This time he kissed you, his cheeks still wet with tears but a laugh still at his lips.

“Thank you.” He murmured. “But I prefer my babes sandworm spit free.” He pulled you into his lap now, his arms wrapped around you and his head on your shoulder, much like how he would cling to his stuffed animals at night. “Babes?” He paused, swallowing hard as he seemed to be trying to gather the words he needed. “I love you.” Your heart skipped a beat, tears gathering in your eyes now too.

“I love you too, Chamie.”

[sneezehq]

Adjustments

Haven is full of surprises. Sequel to Eye for an Eye.

Qrow talks for a long time, long enough for the sun to set and evening to fall. All of it seems impossible, talk of gods and monsters and maidens and magic, but Qrow is as serious as Ruby has ever seen him, and he wouldn't lie about something like this.

So, Ruby believes him, and she says as much. That doesn't mean that it's easy to hear. Jaune is angry, especially about the parts that relate to Pyrrha, and Ruby doesn't exactly blame him.

Still, she tries to maintain the peace. They need to be able to work together now, if the threat that they're facing is as serious as Qrow is making it out to be.

Especially if there's going to be an attack on Haven. Ruby has already lost her school; she's not going to let another get destroyed if there's anything she can do to stop it.

"What about the school? We have to warn them!" Nora exclaims, echoing her thoughts.

"I'm sure the headmaster is already aware that his school might be in danger, and he'll have taken some of the necessary precautions." Qrow assures them. "Plus, I don't know if you kids have noticed, but it's a bit late to be heading over to the school right now." He gestures to the windows. It's well into evening at this point, and the sky outside is rapidly growing dark.

"Well, what should we do then?" Ruby asks. She hates the idea of sitting around doing nothing when they've just learned of the dangers out there waiting for them.

"I'm going to get a drink," Qrow announces. She pins him with an unimpressed stare. "You kids should eat dinner or something, get some more rest. We'll head over to visit the school when it's light out, and I'll introduce you to the headmaster, Professor Lionheart."

"Don't stay out too late!" Ruby calls after him.

With Qrow gone, they fall into silence. Ruby wonders if the others are as scared as she is, if they're as worried about Salem and Cinder and Tyrian. A little shudder runs through her at the thought of Tyrian in particular.

Finally, Ren breaks the silence. "I guess I can try to put something together to eat."

"Wait, before you go, there's something I need to tell you guys," Ruby announces, taking a deep breath to brace herself.

"What is it, Ruby?" Jaune asks, looking at her in concern.

"Please tell me you don't have more bad news!" Nora says. "I don't think I could handle any more at this point."

"No, it's nothing like that," Ruby reassures her. "It's just—I'm really sorry I dragged you guys into this. This is all my fault."

All three of them stare at her in confusion.

"Ruby, what are you talking about?" Ren asks.

"I—I shouldn't have asked you guys to come. I've put you all in so much danger, and I'm so sorry for everything that's happened."

"Ruby, you didn't drag us into anything!" Nora reassures her. "Besides, if we hadn't come with you, you would have faced this on your own, and that's just not right."

"But you guys didn't know, about Salem, and Tyrian and the maidens and—"

"Ruby." Jaune looks thoughtful. "You lost—we all lost Pyrrha." The four of them collectively flinch at the mention of their fallen friend's name, but Jaune collects himself again and carries on. "You lost Penny, and Beacon, and your team, and in a way, you lost your sister, too. But you're still here. You're still moving forward. If anything, we should be thanking you. You didn't drag us along, you gave us the courage to follow you."

Ruby can't bring herself to speak, so she just steps forward and hugs Jaune, burying her suspiciously wet face in his shoulder and sniffling quietly.

"Thank you," she mumbles, when she finally trusts herself to speak again.

"Oh yeah, group hug time!" Nora tackles the two of them into the couch.

"Nora, please refrain from breaking any of the furniture," Ren sighs. "And Ruby, we really should have thanked you sooner for inspiring us to keep moving forwards as well. None of us regret coming on this journey, I can assure you that."

"Thank you, Ren." Ruby gives him a watery smile, wiping her face on her sleeve. "I'm so grateful to all of you guys, really. There's no way I could have done this on my own."

"I really am going to cook dinner now."

"You should make pancakes!" Nora calls after him, scrambling up and abandoning her victims on the couch in favor of following him.

"Nora, we had pancakes for breakfast."

Ruby's plan for the evening is fairly simple: eat dinner, write a letter to her sister, to let her know how things are going, and turn in nice and early so she can be well rested for tomorrow.

The first two parts go without a hitch. Ren's cooking is delicious as always, and she finishes writing her letter to Yang and makes sure that it's ready to be mailed tomorrow. But it all falls apart after she climbs into bed.

She can't fall asleep. She tosses and turns and stares at the ceiling for hours, growing more and more frustrated by the minute. She's exhausted, so why can't she sleep?

When she does finally fall asleep, it's anything but peaceful. The old nightmares about Pyrrha and Penny and Yang losing her arm all make their appearances, but they're joined by a new one. In her dreams, Tyrian cackles wildly, and taunts her with the promise of taking her other eye. She jolts awake several times throughout the night, gasping for air and heart pounding.

She's not in a great mood by the time morning rolls around.

Ruby glowers at the coffee mug, sitting there innocently on the table. She reaches for the handle, simple enough—and misses, her fingers brushing empty air. Gritting her teeth, she forces herself not to growl in frustration.

Across from her, Jaune opens his mouth to offer to help—then immediately snaps it shut when he sees the murderous expression on her face.

Concentrating hard, she reaches for the cup again, this time paying careful attention to where her hand is in relation to the cup. She's rewarded with her fingers finally grasping the handle, and she brings the mug to her mouth to take a sip. The cup bumps against her chin awkwardly, but it's still less clumsy than her first few attempts.

The small success doesn't make her feel any better. If she's struggling this much with just grabbing a cup of coffee, how in the world is she going to manage when fighting Grimm?

Plus, if her stupid brain had just let her sleep last night, she wouldn't be having to drink this disgusting crap in the first place!

Trying to think about something more positive, she lets herself wonder what Haven Academy is like. Just when she's about to start wondering aloud where Qrow is, he pokes his head through the door. "You kids ready to head to the school?"

Nodding, she gets to her feet, abandoning the mug on the table with one last glare in its direction.

Maybe things will start looking up after they meet with the headmaster.

She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up.

Their meeting with Professor Lionheart is less than helpful, and Qrow ditches them to go off drinking again. By the time they make their way back to the house, Ruby is frustrated and exhausted. She mails her letter to Yang and retreats back to her room to read a comic and hopefully calm down a little.

She's definitely not sulking, okay?

Of course, a girl can't even read in peace these days. Just as she's getting to the good part, she hears a commotion from downstairs. Sighing loudly, she puts down the comic and goes to check it out.

Nora better not be trying to redecorate again.

Whatever she was expecting, it definitely wasn't a farm boy and a very drunk (and very happy?) Qrow.

The unfamiliar boy turns to face Ruby. "You have silver eyes," he says, looking at her thoughtfully.

Ruby backs away a step, entire body going tense. Before, it was just an odd comment people occasionally made when they met her, but after running into Tyrian, it makes her feel uncomfortable. Hunted. It feels like a threat.

Who is this guy, and what does he want?

"My name is Oscar Pine, but you probably know me better as Professor Ozpin."

. . . What?

[yandere-daydreams]

A Yandere!Momo/OC commission for the wonderful, perfectly-named @lesbiansportsanime! I went a bit,,, absolutely crazy,,, with the flower metaphors and her OC’s background, but I couldn’t help it. Ren was just so fun!

Word Count: ~2.1k

TW: Implied Stockholm Syndrom, Toxic Relationships, Kidnapping and Implied Trauma. 

Poppies were an odd choice, for this time of year.

Momo couldn’t help but focus on the black and yellow flowers, intermittently dispersed throughout an otherwise unnoticeable bouquet. It was a rare sight, especially in the summer heat, the flowers already starting to dry-out despite the over-filled vase they’d been placed in, the container alone nearly blocking the sight of the girl across from her. She had to peer around it just to see Ren, a problem not helped by the girl’s apparent disinterest in her company. Instead, Ren chooses to occupy herself with the delicate petals, running her thumb over the closest black-spotted poppy, hardly noticing when the mug in front of her ran empty. Momo was the only one who minded the set-up, apparently.

But, Ren was the one who’d chosen this cafe. The least Momo could do was try to enjoy it, all things considered. Already, the guilt ate at her nerves, biting and tearing and burning at whatever it could reach, her resolve the only thing standing between her current mindset and a complete breakdown. It’d taken more time than it should’ve to fix her make-up after the last incident, only hours before her and Ren were supposed to meet. Momo’s reputation would never recover, whether or not she was in costume.

Hands encircling the ceramic tea-cup in front of her, Momo attempted to peer over the poppies, breaking the silence proving to be harder in practice than it was in theory. “Have you been doing well, Ren?” She paused, after the question, smiling despite herself. She could never help it, not when she remembered how passionate Ren had been after graduation, her internship already having guaranteed her a rescue-based career. She’d been vague about the details, but Ren had been happy, so Momo was happy too. “I haven’t heard much from you, not since your new job was finalized. You know how worried radio-silence makes me, I can never trust you to take care of yourself.”

There was a heavy sigh, Ren straightening her back and leaning into her chair, tearing herself apart from the bouquet with quite a bit of effort. “I’ve been… busy, that’s for sure,” She started, shaking her head. “I’m not great at making plans, you know that. But, my agency decided to give me more solo-missions and leadership roles, and… the change was a little forced, I guess.” There was a lapse, a laugh, a timid fidget as she tugged her jacket’s sleeves over her hands. “I don’t think I realized how much it would bring back, but I’d like to say I’m handling it. As well I can, anyway.” Suddenly, Ren’s gaze focused, flickering from the table to the girl in front of her. Momo went stiff, automatically, but the response was quickly covered by a calm smile. “What about you, Yaoyorozu? You look like you just ran over a puppy.”

Now, that was her Ren. As blunt as she was observant. Momo’s smile widened, her hands coming to rest in her lap. "Are you still using such a formal name? I thought I was ‘rozu, to you.”

“Are you still avoiding the question?” She mocked, rolling her eyes before leaning forward. “Be honest with me, ‘rozu. You could never hide it, not when you’re planning to do something terrible. What is it? A new, morally-dubious mission? Is Creati taking on a vigilante persona? Or…” Ren drummed her nails on the tabletop, smiling conspiratorially. “Or, did my favorite heroine slip a little something into her tea, recently?”

At this, Momo couldn’t help but cringe, her expression faltering for the blink of an eye. Still, Ren didn’t miss the nervous tick, her grin fading as a frown took its place. She opened her mouth again, but closed it just as quickly, the chuckle Momo let out clearly catching her off-guard. “I’m sorry,” She mumbled, hesitantly, averting her eyes. “But... it wasn’t my tea, Ren.”

She only had a fraction of a second to express her shock, moving to say something before her features relaxed, muscles losing their constant tension as she made an attempt to stand, only for her knees to buckle as soon as she put her weight on them. There was an attempt made to scream, but Ren lost the ability to before she had the chance, collapsing and colliding with the table, knocking over that hideous vase along the way. Flowers scattered, water spilling, the resulting crash drawing the attention of the cafe’s other customers. But, it only took a flash of her Hero’s License and a few disconcerning waves to dismiss the forming crowd.

Momo could only hope no one noticed how careful she was while lifting Ren’s body, how she did her best to hide the blonde’s face from anyone who got too curious.

She never really could disguise how much she hated it when people looked at someone else’s property.

~

Ren was never where she was supposed to be, when Momo came home.

Momo hadn’t told her to... be anywhere specific, no, that would be too cruel. Ren was her lover, not her pet, her treasured jewel meant to be looked after and maintained until its caretaker was no longer capable of doing so. Still, her room had been set up in a way that would let Ren comfortably sprawl out in bed or sit at her vanity or lay on the love-seat without straining her tether, and yet for the past week, Momo’d been met with the sight of the damn thing taunt and tangled, it’s wearer leaning into the windowsill on the other side of the room.

Escape wasn’t a concern. Every exit was locked, the glass was bullet-proof, and the aforementioned chain was firmly attached to Ren’s ankle, its cord unbreakable, even against Ren’s Skism. Not that she could use it, of course. The quirk-canceling bracelets had been difficult to find, but it’d be worth it. No one should have a power that self-destructive, as far as Momo was concerned.

And with Ren, Momo was always very, very concerned.

Regardless of her skepticism, she took a step into the room, stopping to admire the collection of houseplants on Ren’s bedside table. Despite her reservations, she’d been caring for them meticulously, even the most recent aloe (the poor thing had been half-dead when Momo brought it home) green and thriving under such an angel’s care. But, in Momo’s presence, Ren didn’t look away from her fixation, not until there were arms wrapped around her waist, the Heroine’s head resting on Ren’s shoulder, trying to spot whatever had Ren so anxious. "You’re here every time I check on you,” She explained, when Ren moved, trying to get a better look at her captor. “Is something wrong? I’ll fix it for you, but you’ll have to tell me, first.”

There was a shrug, a deep breath, but no verbal reply. Ren hadn’t been speaking much, lately.

Momo sighed. “I know you don’t like it here, and I’m sorry about that. If I could keep you safe willingly, I would, but… you’re too determined, Ren. If I tried to tell you the world was dangerous, you never would’ve listened to me.” She let herself pause, checking for any signs of acknowledgment, but if Ren could hear her, she certainly didn’t seem to want to. Unperturbed, Momo continued. “There are people, out there, bad people. Terrorists and murderers and Villains, not that I need to tell you that. All I want to do is keep you safe, from yourself as much as everyone else. You understand that, don’t you? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I let anything happen to you.”

Holding her breath, she waited, closing her eyes and digging her nails into Ren’s tank-top and waiting, until tears had begun to form. Momo knew this was necessary, she knew she had to do this, but… fuck, she didn’t know if she could, not if Ren was going to be miserable because of it. One dark thought led to another, the plans she’d tried to repress resurfacing. Terrible, awful ideas, rope and riding crops mixing in with Ren’s smiles or her screams, whichever Momo managed to rip out of her first. It wouldn’t be hard. Ren was helpless, here, weak and fragile and moldable, if Momo put her mind to it. It would only take a few days, a few hours if she used the right-

Just as quickly as Momo’d begun to spiral, she was pulled out of it, perking up as Ren turned, shifting, repositioning herself until Momo’s cheek was pressed into her chest, Ren’s fingers starting to card through her hair. It was comforting, caring, more so than she deserved. The affection was cold, joyless, but Momo leaned into it nonetheless, content to nuzzle into the gesture as much as Ren would allow.

“You’ll keep me safe?” She asked, quietly, her voice hardly audible. “Promise, ‘rozu? Don’t lie to me about this.”

Momo didn’t hesitate, she didn’t even think. 

“I promise.”

~

The orchids were a little much, honestly.

They were nice in theory, their majority being the only requirement enforced when Ren asked for a greenhouse, but the sheer number of bleeding red and white petals, of dark green leaves. of hanging pots that were so easy to walk into was damn-near overwhelming, some days. She’d tried to suggest bring in a spike of gladiolus or lavender, but Ren had dropped the topic once Momo’s enthusiasm wavered. It hadn’t taken her much time to catch onto her captor’s… temperamental streak. 

Either way, the orchids stayed.

Now, she cared for them dutifully, doing her best to ignore the shock-collar wrapped snuggly around her neck. The humidity had been perfected, a complicated ventilation system keeping the shed from overheating, and Ren had spent so much time watering each individual plant, she was afraid they’d start to wilt from the attention alone. The boredom wasn’t what bothered Ren, she’d gotten used to hours of nothingness when he was in charge of looking after her, but she couldn’t fight the emptiness that captivity left, nor the irritation that came with Momo’s constant buys for her favor.

It was something that lingered in her mind as she leaned down, taking a better look at the greenhouse’s corners for the third time that day. Tiny sprigs of forget-me-nots could be seen emerging from under the walls, eating away at the cement floor as they found their way into the greenhouse. Ren wasn’t sure why it irritated her so much, she just… couldn’t stand to look at them, for whatever reason.

It was the light blue, how harsh it seemed, she supposed, grabbing at the stems and jerking them out of the cracks they’d filled. Their eyes, too, brown and black and dark, like they’d never seen a ray of sunlight in their lives. Even after the visible portions of the infestation had been ripped up, Ren couldn’t help but stare at the weeds, glaring down at them. Why were they still following her? She was safe, now, why couldn’t she forget them? When were they going to leave her mind and, more importantly, when were they going to stay gone?

When was Shigaraki going to stop hurting her?

Before she realized it, the flowers were on the floor, torn apart and crushed as Ren’s heel ground them into the pavement. She used more force than she had to, determined to rid her world of something so disgusting, pulverizing the plant and its repulsive, obedient leaves under her foot. Ren was tempted to glare, to spit or do something to show his disrespect, but she managed to pull herself out of her rage, clenching her fists at her sides and forcing herself to take in a breath, if only to calm herself down.

Luckily, the greenhouse door took that moment to swing open, Momo having undone the locks quietly enough to avoid drawing Ren out of her thoughts. The blonde didn’t waste time, spinning on her heels and rushing into her partner’s arm, hardly even taking notice to the light sparks running down her spine as she got closer to the door. She slotted herself against Momo perfectly, hugging her as tightly as Ren could manage, a surprised giggle only encouraging Ren to force herself closer, to fall deeper into strong, secure, safe arms.

“Someone missed me,” Momo laughed, her hands finding Ren’s back, rubbing small circles into her rigid shoulders. “Everything alright, princess?”

She forced herself to look up, biting her cheek at the slightest of separations. “I… can you stay here, for the rest of the day? I don’t want you to leave me so soon.”

There was another laugh, another soft touch, one of her hands coming up to cup Ren’s cheek and tilt her head back. The kiss was sweet, delicate, everything Ren wanted from a protector.

She almost managed to ignore the fact that Momo hadn’t answered her question.

[pilot-boi]

Too Long Since Rest: Chapter Two

Lacking Something

A little rest has been had, but maybe that wasn’t the real solution to the problem that Weiss still wouldn’t admit she had

AO3 LINK

Weiss woke a few hours later, from a blessedly dreamless sleep. She wasn’t sure what time it was and she didn’t really care either, but it was already dark out and she could hear crickets through the open window. 

Glancing across the room, she could see the sprawling lump with matching golden hair that marked the presence of her roommate. Snores like a chainsaw filled the room, and Weiss was honestly shocked that they hadn’t woken her up long before this. She must’ve really been needing some sleep.

She wished she could’ve slept through the whole night like this and made up for some of the sleep she was so sorely missing. But sadly Ruby’s worry, bless her, had not accounted for practical things such as the fact that going to sleep in one’s day clothes, shoes and jacket included, and without dinner wasn’t the best recipe for restful sleep in the long run.

Of course, Weiss wasn’t angry at Ruby for that. She really did appreciate all she’d done today, but she was regrettably awake now, and she would really prefer not to be. Especially not crumpled in her day clothes and with her stomach growling for attention.

She must’ve slept through their group’s regular dinner meet-up. She wondered if Ruby had told the other to let her sleep instead of coming to look for her, and something warmed in her at the thought.

Still lying in her bed, she was already gathering the energy to actually get up. Because she couldn’t go back to sleep like this. Frankly, she was amazed she’d fallen asleep at all, no matter how tired she might have been.  

Before she even realized what she was doing, Weiss had a plan in mind.

First, she needed something to eat, because if she didn’t then this time it was going to be his stomach keeping her up all night. Second, she needed to get some proper pajamas on, not just what she’d been wearing all day. 

Third… Well third she’d crawl back into bed and hope for the best.

The reason she had been so tired in the first place, and still was honestly, came back to her slowly now that she had enough rest to even think about that.

Working on projects and papers until the wee hours of the morning until Yang, coming back from a party, finally bullied her into actually resting. The anxious tossing and turning that followed, never finding a comfortable position for long enough. Then the nightmares brought on by stress and anxiety and who knew what else that seemed to start up the moment she closed her eyes and scared her back awake.

It had made for an altogether terrible night.

Eventually she ended up so frustrated that she decided to simply forgo sleeping altogether, and just read until morning came. At the time it had seemed like the logical solution. By the tame the sun did rise and Yang’s snoring stopped, she was too exhausted to regret her decision.

Weiss really, really didn’t want a repeat of that, but here she was anyway. Planning a little detour before inevitably diving back into the same hell again.

Because what could she even hope for at this point? 

Her nights had been getting steadily worse for a while now. She wished she could do something about it, but she had nothing. So all she could do was resign herself to yet another night of barely any sleep, and then face the rest of campus no doubt looking and feeling terrible in the morning.

It wasn’t really something to look forward to.

I wish you trusted me enough to ask for my help sometimes.

Ruby’s words echoed around in her head and no. No, no, shut up. She couldn’t go to Ruby with this, she’d never live it down! Ruby would never leave her alone about it, surely, let alone anyone else who found out that the great Weiss Schnee was having trouble sleeping and had to call on an eight year old for help.

Not to mention, it wasn’t like Ruby could just magically make her fall asleep and have sweet dreams until morning broke. Ruby’s words had really stuck with her apparently. They made her chest feel all warm and tight and weird, and she’d have to examine them in the morning, hoping she’d still remember them by then. But this… This was not something Ruby could fix. It just wasn’t.

Except, she realized, very very frustrated, None of that is actually true.

Because she remembered Ruby’s gentleness and worry from the day. How hard she tried to take care of Weiss, her complete lack of teasing as she tucked her in. She never once implied that this was a bother to her at all, or that she thought less of Weiss because of it, or that this was anything but natural and given.

She knew that Ruby could be caring if she wanted to be. Weiss had seen how she immediately dropped any and all teasing and joking around if someone was hurt or in need of help, because despite everything, that was where her priorities seemed to lie.

Messing around on the quad with Yang, Jaune and Nora, and without Blake, Pyrrha, or Ren to rein any of them in was a mistake. Those four were known to get a little over-enthused if left to their own devices, and this had been no exception.

They had been playing some game with a frisbee that Nora had made up which was never a good sign. Jaune had tried to explain the rules to her, but she’d ignored him and gone back to her book, only glancing up at them from the branch she was perched on to glare at them occasionally.

One glance, a frisbee to the face, and Weiss had sadly been on the receiving end of a stray hit that Yang swore had been meant for Nora.

Weiss had toppled back out of the tree and crumpled to the ground, winded. The hit had been completely unexpected and stronger than Yang’s previous ones, careful enough not to hurt before that.

She had been fine, she just needed to catch her breath, but Ruby… she didn’t know that. She had ignored Nora’s calls to follow the rules, to stay put and continue the game, and opted instead for sprinting over and landing hard on her knees next to Weiss. 

Frantically tugging her up to sit properly, she’d kept her touches fleeting like she’d been scared of hurting her worse. She had apologised and asked if Weiss was okay, over and over, multiple times until Weiss couldn’t help but laugh. 

It had been the first time she’d seen Ruby look at her like that. All soft and warm and like she cared.

Logically, she knew that Ruby would never tease her for something like this, but she still wasn’t used to it. She didn’t know how to handle it. And so every time, Weiss assumed again and again, that there wouldn’t be another instance. 

There wouldn’t be another moment of Ruby dropping everything just to make sure that Weiss is okay, and so she never expected it when it inevitably happened again. She thought, hoped, that maybe she could ask for Ruby’s help tonight.

Because damn it, she knew, as irritating as it was to admit, that she felt safer around Ruby. She felt strangely calm around her, not all the time but more often than if she were on her own. Even if Ruby wasn’t doing anything special or particularly interesting, just rambling on about whatever or trying to drive Weiss up the wall or just studying with her shoulder pressed up against hers.

She knew that she’d slept well every time she’d slept near Ruby so far, during accidental and planned sleepovers both, because the closeness and contact comforted her. And having Ruby close, when she was the person Weiss was having nightmares about-

-Ruby getting lost, or hurt, or dying-

-Then maybe proximity could help with said nightmares, too. At the very least, when she woke up choking on tears and gasping for breath, she could look down and see her there, asleep and comfortable and perfectly safe.

But dammit, she hated admitting that she needed help. Hated asking for it even more, but that was a different problem.

Sadly, she was also no use to the world when she was barely on her feet from sleep deprivation, and she couldn’t keep hindering her own education due to her own stubbornness. So she pushed herself out of bed, finally.

Weiss very deliberately put off admitting that she did, in fact, need help by instead dealing with the first two items on her to-do list: Food and pajamas.

She changed first, wanting to feel comfortable in her own skin already, and she decidedly hated the feeling of having slept in her clothes. It wasn’t like she would be running into anyone this late anyway, and even if she did, they’d probably seen worse than a sleepy Weiss wandering the halls in mismatched pajamas.

It helped that she was too tired to really care if anyone saw her like this. Embarrassment could come later, when her mind was firing on more than one cylinder.

Next she wandered down to the kitchen on the next floor down. She flicked on the lights, they burned her eyes, and she hoped to any gods that there would be food to scrounge from the cabinets. Hopefully something more than a stray box of macaroni and cheese left there by another student.

Because she definitely did not have the energy required for making any sort of actual meal without accidentally burning down the building. Not even a sandwich. Or cereal.

Bless whoever left a bunch of bananas in the back of the fridge. Sorry whoever these belonged to, she was claiming them in the name of hunger and the Schnee family.

Weiss sat on the rickety table, because there wasn’t anyone around to stare daggers at her until she got off and sat on a chair like a respectable person. She very pointedly decided not to think about anything related to today, or Ruby, or the shameful fact that she did in fact have problems she needed help with.

But it was really hard not to think of something when you were actively trying not to.

She ended up trying to methodically recite poems to herself in her head as she ate another banana, and gave up trying to remember the line she kept getting stuck on when she was left with nothing but two banana peels in her hand.

Weiss frowned, pretending she was just frustrated at failing the memory exercise, and threw them out.

[pixiescribbles]

It was their first argument. Ever. Natsu had almost burned down the guild after seeing Dan give Lucy an intimate embrace, catching her off guard. Lucy didn't even notice her ex was there until he embraced her. It was only a matter of seconds before she thought her skin would melt off her bones because of Natsu's anger.

"What the hell do you think you're doing to Lucy?" His flames were rising higher and growing hotter. "You'd better let go of her and make sure I never see ya again or I'll beat the crap outta you."

After Dan finally decided to let Lucy go and agreed to never return, Lucy came up to Natsu.

"Thanks Natsu, I don't know where he came from but I'm grateful that you helped me get rid of him". Lucy said with a smile on her face.

She could still feel the hot radiance come off of Natsu. Was he still mad? Should couldn't imagine why. She had done nothing wrong.

"Natsu?" She tried again. He glared at her, which he had never done before.

"Next time, handle it your self, I ain't helping you no more." With that he strode off out of the guild. Lucy stood there, perplexed.

"What the hell does that jerk think he's doing? Talking to his girlfriend like that?!" Grey didn't hide the fact that he was more surprised by Natsu than mad.

"I.. I'm not sure.. I have to go, I need to know what's on his mind" Lucy rushed after Natsu, not quite sure if he'll be heading to her apartment to chill out or to his own house.

She decided to look for him at his house first, since he was mad at her there'd be no way he'd be at her apartment. But once entering the house, it was as tidy as the last time she was there and cleaned for Natsu and Happy. They really have been spending a lot of time and having a lot of sleepovers in her apartment, he even has some of his stuff there so he doesn't have to go home and get new stuff all the time. She felt a jolt of joy at that thought, and hurried home. He'd definitely be there.

On entering her apartment she found found him, packing his stuff.

"Natsu! Here you are! Hold on, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing Lucy, I'm packing my stuff." He spat the words out with such anger that it startled her.

"Huh, yeah I can see that, but why?" He didn't answer her, instead Natsu avoided her gaze and continued packing. After what felt like forever, he straightened himself out and looked her dead in the eye. She could still see the anger in his eyes, although they were less fiery than an hour before.

"Lucy, I'm going back home. I don't think I'll be coming here for a while, you can ask Grey to accompany you on our next job."

There were two sounds at that moment, the external sharp inhale of Lucy's shocked breath, and internal, the shattering sound of her heart being smashed to pieces.

"Hold on, Natsu, what are you saying exactly? Where did this come from all of a sudden?"

" What do you mean, all, of, a, sudden? This isn't sudden Lucy! Not at all!"

The temperature in the room was slightly rising along side of Natsu's anger.

"To me it is sudden Natsu! Look I get that you're mad because of Dan, but it's not really something I have control of is it?"

"It's not just Dan, Lucy. It's a lot more than just that but you don't seem to notice it."

"Then explain to me what else there is. I can't help us get out of this situation if you don't share what's bothering you." Lucy was desperate, what is he so mad about? And why is he holding such a grudge agains her about it. Natsu stood there for a second, debating whether now was the time, but decided against talking. "See ya later Lucy." He didn't even look at her while when he headed for the door.

"NATSU!" Lucy raised her shaking voice, trying to hold herself together. "Natsu, this isn't fair, you can't just walk off after saying all that and expect me to be fine with it. I need to known what made you snap like this, I don't know this Natsu." Natsu stopped dead in his tracks.

"Not fair Lucy? I'm not being fair?" He turned around and looked at her. Her vision wasn't all that clear with the tears in her eyes, but she could see that Natsu was trying best to compose himself.

"You know what isn't fair? Every time we go on a job, that bloody ice brain has to come along only so he can check you out and flirt with you."

"What? Grey doesn't-"

"HE DOES LUCY! Every single time, it's been less ever since we became official but he continues to check you out where I'm present and it bothers me. Whenever we visit Blue Pegasus, or they visit us, or we meet up with them somewhere, or with the Trimens to be more exact! You and Hibiki get along way too well! You know he only wants one thing right, why do you keep on searching for that kind of attention from him? Not to mention how Ren and Eve treat you even when Hibiki is trying to make a move on you! And then Dan! Your ex, Dan! You might've broken up with him years ago, but he follows you around like a goddamn puppy! HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE THAT?! Why do you act so friendly towards him every time you see him while he has cheated on you so many times?" All of Natsu's frustration came rushing out of his mouth, and his vision became blurry. But he wasn't gonna cry, not in front of Lucy. She can't see him weak, that was the whole reason he never mentioned anything.

"Natsu, you've.. I..." she didn't know what to say. She wanted to talk back head strong and argue why it all wasn't true but she can't tell him that what he's feeling or how he experiences things isn't true.

"I'm sorry," she finally said after staring at the ground for a while. " I had no idea that it came across like that." There were so many things she wanted to say, but she couldn't find the words.

"Look, Lucy. If you don't want to be with me, just say the words. I know there's another man in your life, since you've been having a lot of telephone conversations with him."

"Wait what?" Lucy was surprised he even paid attention to her phone calls at all. On the other hand he has been insecure about her around other males this whole time.

"Natsu, what exactly did you hear me say on the phone?"

" oh I love you so much, I can't wait to finally tell him, bla bla bla." Natsu was always good at mocking people when he was mad, but Lucy couldn't be mad at him about this, she could only laugh.

"Natsu, I was talking to my dad! He found a publisher for my novel! I told him I couldn't wait to show you the very first print of it."

Natsu's mouth fell open with surprise. Man how stupid can I be? He was obviously excited for her but after what he just yelled at her he couldn't just switch his mood. "Oh, I'm happy for you!" He gave her those words with a little smile.

The tension between them was still awkward when Natsu decided to turn back to the door.

"Natsu?"

"Mhm?"

"Look, I know you get upset about those things but I want you to know that the reason that I don't notice what the other men in our lives act or do towards me, is because I only really pay attention to you.

Except for the Trimens, they make it way to obvious, and honestly they annoy the crap outta me. Hibiki has toned it down a few notches ever since Oracion Seis, but I know what they're doing. And about Dan, you're right. I should really just cut off the loose ends. But I do want you to realise that the reason you got mad is beyond my control. It's not my actions that is making you mad, it's theirs. And it's not fair for you to take it out on me."

Lucy was hoping that this would settle it, that Natsu would unpack his stuff and they could drink some tea on the couch while cuddling and watching tv.

"Yeah I know, I'm still going home, though." Natsu said with a sad smile.

They both felt so awkward, they both wanted to hear each other say that they love them and need them to stay, but neither did.

After Natsu closed the door, the stood there waiting. Maybe Lucy would run out and stop him from leaving. But the door didn't open again. On the other side, Lucy was waiting for Natsu to storm back inside and pick her up in one of his big bear hugs he loved to give her. But he didn't come back inside. Swallowing yet another round of tears away, she decided to set some tea water and take a bath. A warm bath with one of her lavender bath bombs should help her calm down.

I didn't even tell him that I love him.. why didn't I just tell him that I love him?

She tried to fall asleep, but the bed was too empty, too cold, too lonely without her Salamander.

She was almost asleep when she heard someone opening her front door and sneak inside. She then realised she forgot to lock her door! She was too scared to turn and face the door, and her keys were out of reach. She couldn't get to them without the intruder noticing she was awake. If only Natsu was here to protect me! She heard a bag drop, and someone yawning while getting closer to the bed. Her heart was beating so fast and loud, she was sure they could hear it all the way up at Fairy Hills, if he's gonna kidnap me just jank me out of bed so at least it sounds like I put up a fight. Next thing she knows, the person is cuddling up to her underneath the blankets and it feels strangely familiar. "Luce, I could hear your heartbeat at the door. Calm down, it's just me." It was Natsu. Lucy let out a relieved sigh, and rolled over to face Natsu.

"You couldn't sleep either?" She didn't even pretend to be mad that he sneaked in and almost gave her a heart attack, she was just glad he was there.

"Nah, I couldn't fall asleep to only Happy's snoring." He said with one of his cheeky half smiles.

"I don't snore!" Lucy said pouting her bottom lip, exaggerating.

"You do a little!" Natsu laughed and stole a kiss from Lucy before she could say anything else.

"I'm sorry I got mad and yelled at you Luce, I let my emotions get to me." Natsu admitted.

"It's okay, you were mad. I'm sorry I didn't realise your feelings on this matter."

"No Luce, it's not okay. I got jealous, too jealous. I'm supposed to protect you from creeps like your ex but instead I told you I wouldn't. I'm sorry. I won't ever not protect you."

"Natsu..." Lucy whispered shyly.

"Looks like we both have a lot too learn still" Natsu caressed her soft, now colored blush, cheek while pressing his forehead against hers. Together they savoured the moment.

"Natsu, I love you" it came out as a whisper while falling asleep in his arms, but he heard it as clearly as if she had yelled it at him.

"I love you too, Luce."

[kylosupremeimagines]

Kylo Ren X Reader: Only Everyone Can Judge Me {Chapter Seven}

Other Parts

Summary: The Knights bring you to the Supremacy to kneel before Snoke after all that has happened. He offers you the chance to submit your loyalty to him and the First Order, giving you a chance to reunite with Kylo. 

Warnings: None (Except a minor, possibly angsty little paragraph at the end) 

Tag List: @rentopia @scheherazades-horcrux @babybluelukex @attorneyl @glitzescape @alladeline @dancewaterdance02 @crkylo @celestiaelisia @celiholland @lyraeluna @twdlover2000 @peacefulwizardfox @cs-please @xultraviolet @xfeathered-serpent @fizzywoohoo @topsykretts92 @ayatimascd @delicatelyherdreams @ddriveringg @littlegirlsdontplaynice @yuleisymichel

You had heard of the Supremacy and how massive of a ship it was, but you never would have guessed that it was practically a moving base. It was rather impressive, as it would be so hard to track down since once the Order’s enemies caught wind of it, the ship could move to the complete opposite side of the galaxy.

Volgoth and Dralin walked on either side of you, guiding you to the throne room as they had told you; Snoke had ordered them to bring you right to him once you had boarded the Supremacy. The atmosphere in the Supremacy had been nothing you had ever sensed before. It was so void, almost absent of much life in the force. At least, on the light side. It was so cold, very much like what you had experienced on your own personal shuttle when you tried to connect to the dark side of the Force.

It was exactly like that.

“Do you have any… warnings for me? As far as I know, he’s not a man that can be pleased very easily,” you spoke up in an attempt to break the uncomfortable silence that had broken between the three of you. You were certain that they were not mere rumors that had been spread about Snoke, and that he was indeed a hard man to please and satisfy. That was what was overwhelming the most, anyone could agree to that.

“I am unsure what to tell you exactly to serve as a warning, but what I can and will say is that you are starting off on a clean slate.  You have not done anything to anger Snoke, so as long as you continue to do so, things will turn out just fine for you,” Dralin explained to assure you. Despite the fact that he was a Knight of Ren, he did have some mind for you. From his standpoint, if you complied, you would become a fellow Knight.

As a group, they were close to one another, despite the fact that their ideologies could conflict with one another. They were so different that they miraculously could make it work. Granted, Orus at times may come very close to lopping Volgoth off with his own saber, but they did all had immense concern for everyone. Some may see their allegiance to Snoke, when in fact the group came first, especially Kylo when you knew that he was what you may call the Master.

“Dralin is right,” Volgoth brought up. “we’ve served under him for years, and we all still have our limbs and heads attached - for the most part. Don’t sweat it! It’s about time someone new joined, it’ll help to stir up the pot a little. We’ll all have your backs, so you don’t need to worry,” he tried to assure you. Once you were deemed a Knight of Ren, if things went smoothly, each knight would most definitely treat you with respect. Some more than others, but they would all respect you as a peer.

After a few minutes, you finally arrived at an elevator, a chill running down your spine for some reason. “Please, do not overthink your first interaction with the Supreme Leader. As long as you stay calm and kneel before him when you enter, things will be alright,” as the door opened, he reached in to press a button to get you up to the throne room. “now go and stay focused,” he assured you one last time. You stepped into the elevator and turned to face them, the crimson Devaronian offering a smirk of confidence to you. Before you knew it, the doors closed and you were off.

Pursing your lips together, you managed to compose yourself, not wanting to approach Snoke for the first time with a whole batch of emotions stirring within you. It wasn’t that you necessarily had to give off a gratifying first impression, but it was still important that you didn’t appear to be too conflicted. No, you needed to show him that you would listen to what he asked of you. This was your one chance to reunite with Kylo, and you didn’t intend on mess that up.

You were snapped from your thoughts when the door to the elevator opened once more, revealing the throne room to you. It was rather commanding, the red surrounding Snoke as he sat in his throne, red-clad Praetorian Guards all around him for his disposal. “Mmm, it is about time you came before me, young (Y/L/N),” Snoke leaned forward as his icy blue eyes were locked on you. “I hope that my Knights have treated you well.”

Stopping before him, you knelt down just as Dralin had advised you to only minutes prior. “I’ve only met Volgoth and Dralin so far, but they did,” you openly confessed to the deformed man. Despite the fact that the interaction between you and the pair had been a tad bit odd, it was not appalling in the slightest. “I have yet to meet the others.”

“Good, good,” he spoke once more, a chilling smirk painting his pale features. “now, tell me why you had a change of heart. You were once a prized pupil of Skywalker, and now you want to end him much like us. What was it that pulled you to the dark side, child?” he could feel the influence that the dark side of the Force was having on you, with the stirring emotions within. It was much like that of Kylo but with a raw source of power;  an untapped strength that had yet to be utilized.

“My Master, he…” you started to explain but hesitated for a moment. “he betrayed me. He abandoned me years ago and when we found him, he refused to train me,” it still bewildered - and even insulted - you that he turned you down, the last apprentice he even had from the temple. If he really cared, then he would have done what he could to have protected you. He had put far more faith in a girl he had never even met before than one of his prior, prized pupils.

You were always on the top of the class, no one could doubt that. With your burning passion and remarkable skills using both the force and your lightsaber, not many dared to question your abilities. You never denied yourself the freedom to embrace your emotions, as they helped to fuel your power. In Jedi training, you were told that emotions could lead to the dark side, thus leaving the assumption that they were not to be utilized.

“He never even told me that I’m related to the Emperor of the Galactic Empire, it just goes to show he couldn’t trust me,” you clenched your fist a bit as your mind came back to remember the moment you found out about the truth, the betrayal that washed over you. How could Luke lie to you? Everything about him perplexed you, all from the start with Kylo, all the way to his refusal to take you back under his wing.

Snoke stood up from the throne to slowly approach you, the ends of his golden robe flowing with his movement. He towered over you, as he was seven feet tall compared to someone of a shorter stature such as yourself. His aura radiated off of you, a dark and authoritative energy strong all around. “Ah, so my assumptions were correct; your Force energy is much like Darth Sidious that it is quite recognizable,” he had brought to your attention. You raised an eyebrow, wondering if your aura was truly similar to your grandfather’s. “there so much untapped potential that Skywalker only pushed back; it was a grave mistake of him. He appeared to merely be frightened by your power, for he could not handle the power that you hold within you. But I? I can train you to harness this power that is trapped within you, for you are capable of so much more, (Y/N).

I can show you the ways of the force far beyond what you could have ever imagined.  You do not have to feel lost in your ways any longer, as I can give you meaning once more. All you must do is pledge your loyalty to me and the Force Order; then all of this can be yours,” Snoke had been set on pulling you into his ranks to serve as his newest Apprentice, wanting to utilize powers that could potentially even surpass that of Kylo’s. He was well aware of your existence and that Kylo had let you escape all those years ago, but ceased to have the Knights hunt you down and end your life. No, he wanted you alive with the realization who your force ancestor had been. “now... do you accept my offer to you?”

No matter what you said, things would change for you, as there was no going back to what you once knew. If Luke had refused to train you then, there were no hopes of him taking you back now. As for the Resistance, with what you had done just before you fleed would certainly put a bad reputation on your back, perhaps even a bounty or two. It was almost as if things were repeating for you as things had occurred with Kylo; yet more to connect the two of you together. Your mind came to remember that he was the primary reason why you had desired to come here to the First Order in the first place.

“I will submit myself to your teachings, to the Knights of Ren, and to the First Order,” you breathed out to him, adjusting your forearm as it had rested on your risen knee. “not only that, but I can provide you with the location to him, the girl as well,” you had mentioned as well, wanting to be given the chance to overpower the man you had once called Master. Now that you would have their backing, there was no reason why you could not fulfill the inordinate desire. “They are on Ahch-To… at the first Jedi Temple.”

“Now… rise…” With his aura still pulling at that of your own, you could sense a source of pride within him, almost as if he had been planning this very moment for so long before. Without hesitation, you did as he commanded, eyes coming up to meet with him as he had stood mere feet away from you. His icy blue eyes met with your (E/C) ones, ceasing to break the connection. “you will join the ranks of the Knights of Ren as my new apprentice and fight alongside your fellow Knights, do as I say and only answer to me,” he explained. “very soon shall we go to him and crush him, in a days time.”

“I will make sure that I don’t disappoint you, Master,” you had breathed out to him in assurance.

“I do not doubt that you will, I will soon forge you into a far more powerful fighter than even Darth Sidious could have ever aspired to be,” Snoke smirked down to you in satisfaction. “as for now… I have ordered Ren to get you situated here on the Supremacy. Prepare yourself for the coming days; we shall finally put an end to Skywalker once and for all.”

You straighten your posture as he had mentioned that Kylo would be the one guiding you through the Supremacy to get used to being on a new ship with a new purpose. You bowed your head in respect for the man before you, not wanting to disappoint him.  “I will do as you say,” things were changing all so fast, your mind could barely keep up with it. Nonetheless, your heart raced in anticipation for the following day; you were finally going to take revenge.

“He should be awaiting your arrival in his quarters, from there he will show you to your own,” Snoke told you as he carefully made his way back to the throne - the pain with every step was excruciating but he managed to push past it, almost as if he thought very little of the sensation. You nodded, taking a step back before turning on your heel now that you were dismissed, surprised to see a Togruta awaiting in the elevator.

Pursing your lips, you approached and turned to the door once you were inside. Her skin contrasted much with her dark attire; it was a very pale, creamy yellow. Her white and pastel purple Lekku were dressed with a silver headpiece. A force energy radiated off of her, hinting that she had been yet another one of the Knights of Ren. It surprised you that she had such a calming energy to her, considering that she was a member of the First Order. “Dralin told me that you were finally here, so I thought that I would bring you to Kylo myself,” she spoke up just as the doors had closed. “I am Zira Ren, it is so great to finally meet you,” the Togruta offered you a smile.

You raised an eyebrow but met her with another smile. “Um, I’m (Y/N),” you replied, though she more than likely already know such a thing. “thank you so much, it’s great to meet another Knight,” she seemed very unique compared to Dralin and Volgoth, lining up with their claims that each of them was different.

“He also mentioned that you have a fresh wound, I could heal if you would like; I’m what you could call the Knights’ personal healer. I don’t fight as much as them, but I am quite skilled in healing abilities,” Zira explained to you as you could feel the elevator moving down to a lower level of the Supremacy. She focused much on meditation and healing with the force, which she would use very often on the Knights - such as with Kylo to help his wound heal faster after being sliced at by the scavenger. Because she hadn’t seen him in time, she wasn’t able to prevent it from scaring.

“Yeah… I was shot with a blaster when I was trying to escape from the resistance. I applied some bacta patches but that’s about it,” the wound still hurt a bit, but it was not as serious as it was before. Especially when it first happened. “that would be very much appreciated.”

“I will send you a personal message on your Datapad once you retrieve it, then you can tell me when you are free and I can come by any time. We will all be here to support your transition, believe it or not. We want to be welcoming to you, seeing as that you are our newest member,” even if they were all in the First Order and had different viewpoints, they still saw each other almost like family. “I am unsure when you will be able to meet the other three - Isa, Jerex, and Orus - but it will happen in due time.”

One beneficial thing that would come out of this shift in your life would be the fact that you would now have people around that understood you and your powers; you wouldn’t have to suppress them to any extent. And maybe, just maybe, there would be no reason to worry about anyone betraying your trust. “I will be looking to meeting them, then.”

The elevator slowly eased to a stop before the doors opened, Zira guiding you out into a long hallway. “This is the residential wing for High Command, only the highest ranked are housed here; including the Knights of Ren. Our personal chambers are far more satisfactory than the troopers or lower ranked officers,” it wasn’t too astonishing that the Order would have such a system in place, treating their higher-ups better than those lower in the command chain.

Not many people passed you and Zira as you walked side by side, focus directed towards the force around you; you could sense that Kylo was close by. “I will need to get used to being here, but I’ll probably not be… too hard?” you rubbed your chin as Zira had stopped at a single door, Kylo clearly on the other side. “thank you again, I will take you up on your offer to heal my wound later,” you mentioned, offering one last smile before the door hissed open to reveal Kylo.

He seemed almost hesitant at first like he had seen a ghost despite the fact you two already met once more that same day. The taller man pulled you into a warm embrace, holding onto you as if he were about to lose you once again. “I can’t believe you’re finally here…”

[rscenarios]

Baekho - Relief

@johyejung requested “I would like to request a scenario where Baekho finds his girlfriend cutting which absolutely breaks his heart into pieces. He would try his best to help her and let her talk out about her depression. He would suggest alternatives for her instead of cutting and finally cuddle with her on the sofa watching her favourite film, the hobbit. Thank you^^” I hope you enjoy :) Most of this was written pretty late last night because I couldn’t sleep so please forgive any mistakes. -Admin Em

Trigger warning: self-harm/cutting mention

Baekho was late. Very late.

Again.

He meant to be home hours ago, he really had. But then Ren suggested they have a drink together to celebrate a successful day of recording, so he went to the dorm with them instead of coming home. Sure, he told you that he was going to be longer since he’d been asked to stay. Sure, you told him it was fine and to have fun. But he didn’t anticipate the exhaustion getting the better of him. He woke up sometime around 4am.

So now he’s running through the streets like a madman to get home to you. He’s sure you’re asleep by now, but he can only imagine how long you waited up for him. He feels guilty. When he reaches your apartment he stops to catch his breath, not wanting to wake you. As quietly as he can manage, he uses the spare key to open the door where he’s greeted by the sight of you asleep on the couch with all the lights on.

A small smile forms on his lips. You look so peaceful. His little angel.

He tiptoes closer, debating on if he should wake you up so you know he’s home or if he should simply carry you to bed and let you see him in the morning. As he gets closer, you shift in your sleep, making a soft groan as the light disturbs you. Instead of waking up, you move so your arm is covering your eyes. Baekho chuckles to himself only to stop when he sees angry red marks covering the skin.

Maybe it’s just the lighting, he thinks to himself before he leans closer. His heart stops as he sees the lines covered with small flecks of dried blood. There was no mistaking it now. These were cuts and they were recent. They had to be from tonight.

He wants to think of some explanation for them – an accident at work, a sweater had irritated your skin, anything – but he knows he’s kidding himself. You had cut yourself.

Unsure what to do, Baekho sits silently, unable to look away. He doesn’t want to wake you and make you feel worse than you already must have. He isn’t sure how he would be able to bring it up in the morning either. He doesn’t want to upset you farther. With a heavy heart, he pulls out his phone and begins looking for any information that might be able to help in this situation.

Before he knows it, the sun starts to rise meaning that you’d likely wake up when the sun shone on your face. In his head, he tries to imagine how he can bring up what he saw without you feeling attacked or overwhelmed. If you didn’t want to talk, that was alright too. From what he read, it was more likely that you wouldn’t want to talk anyway. He just wants to make sure you know that he’s always going to be there for you no matter what.

He decides that he’ll make you one of your favorite breakfast meals to help with the situation and so he sets to work as quietly as possible. To his delight you don’t stir from you slumber until the food is done. “Baekho?” You ask with a yawn as you start to sit up.

Your boyfriend gives a small smile as he crosses the room to kiss your forehead. “Good morning beautiful, breakfast is ready.”

“I know, The smell woke me,” you grin. You head to the table and Baekho places the food in front of you. “This is really good,” you praise once you’ve eaten a bit. “What time did you get back last night?”

“A little after 4am. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so late. You must have been waiting a long time.”

“It’s okay,” you state simply. Silence fills the room as you eat and Baekho plays with his food. Despite all the scenarios he imagined in his head, he was still afraid to make things worse. “Something on your mind?”

He jumps as you place a hand on his arm to get his attention. It was now or never. He takes your hand gently. “Jagiya, I saw something last night, and I’m not really sure how talk about it.”

“Did one of the members do something?”

“No,” Baekho takes a deep breath. “I’m not sure how to say this delicately, and I’m not trying to upset you, okay? Will you hear me out?”

“Baekho, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to scare you,” he kisses your hand, trying to keep you calm. “When I came home last night to find you sleeping I saw there were…there were cuts under your arm.” You flinch at the words, and Baeko is afraid that you’re going to pull away from him and demand he leave. He can tell you’re trying to find the words to say and it breaks his heart once more to see you so torn up. “You don’t have to say anything you aren’t ready to say, but I just want you to know that no matter where I am, I am always here for you. I know work keeps me busy, but I will do anything I can for you. Whatever it is you need, please don’t hesitate to tell me. Okay?”

The words are rushed, and Baekho is sure he could have said things much better, but the nerves got the better of him. He’s ready to say more until he sees the tears starting to roll down your cheeks. “Can I hug you?” He asks gently. He knows you feel vulnerable right now and he doesn’t want to make it even worse.  A small nod is all it takes for him to wrap you in his arms. He wants to say something that will help, but he finds himself repeating, “It’s okay,” over and over.

Once you calm down, he pulls away enough to wipe the last few tears away. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. “Last night…last night I just couldn’t help it.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you sooner. ___________, you can say no, but do you want to talk about it? I want to understand so I can help you when you need it. Not that I don’t think you can handle yourself, but-”

You gently press a finger to his lips to stop him from rambling. “Just a little.”

He gives a small nod and sits back in his seat. When you begin to talk, you’re hesitant, but he doesn’t push you. He listens intently, squeezing your hand gently each time you seem to start struggling. You explain what was going through your mind last night and how you gave into the need for relief through your razor.

“Say something,” you urge when you finish saying what you felt comfortable sharing. There was more, but you just couldn’t share it all with him. Not yet. You weren’t stupid, you could tell he was hurt even though he was trying not to show it.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m sorry that I’m not better with these things, but I will always do my best for you. Would it…would it be too much for me to help you find something else to relieve your…urge?”

“No,” you say slowly.

“I will be right back,” he promises before getting up from the table. He quickly moves to one of the draws and finds a black marker. When he sits down again, he takes your hand and begins to draw on your skin. “They say that drawing on yourself can help,” he says slowly as he focuses on what he’s doing. “Your art will probably be be better than mine.” With that he lets you see the small flower he drew. A smile tugs at your lips as you look at it. “Or the hair tie on your wrist,” he taps the item. “You can snap it on your skin if you truly need the pain.”

He didn’t like making the suggestion, but he had seen it come up a lot when he was Googling.

“You can beat up a pillow or something too. I’ll buy new pillows whenever we need them. You can watch movies to take your mind off things and relax. Do you think you could try some of those? I can help you find more if you want. I just don’t want you to feel pressured or like I’m asking you to change because I love you and-”

“I love you too,” you cut him off. He gives you a soft, hopeful smile which helps you feel a bit more encouraged. “Can we watch a movie?”

His smile grows a bit more as he gently scoops you into his arms. Gently he sets you on the couch before going to put The Hobbit into the player. Not only does he put in your favorite movie, but he also grabs your favorite blanket. The guilt you felt for involving Baekho in your mess slowly started to fade as he gently pulls you closer to him to snuggle. He’s here, and you hope that will never change.