#and i still dont know how am i gonna do the black border but im on it

[aroaceofthesea]

So im making a goncharov keychain lol

(left -> reference printed screenshot of the og post (a bit edited so it looks even), right -> handmade version with polymer clay (still in progress))

[simping4-2manyppl]

*not edited*

This is my first time writing abt an anime characterr ahh so im sorry if i dont get rodys character right! Or if i mess up some things up, i had so much fun writing this! I apologize for how long it is, but i hope everyone enjoy it!

Readers quirk! (got this off tt) : Crystals - You can make crystals from your hands, or by touching the ground to make them, you can also shoot crystals like bullets and color/shape them into whatever you want, initially using them as a shield or weapons. (Similar to shotos ice quirk)

As everyone was sent to different locations across the globe you were taken with the heroes of the Endeavor Agency as you were doing your work study there, although you totally didnt expect things to go south so fast and to also fall in love during this mission..

-

“God one second im out running errands and the next thing i know im hiding from the police because im being framed for mass murder!” You said clearly frustrated, “hey, I am too you know! But i just cant seem to wrap my mind around as to why we are being framed for this.” Izuku says with a slight frown as he fixes his hat, thinking.

“It doesnt matter, we just have to lay low for now and keep this stupid briefcase safe.�� You say with an annoyed tone, readjusting your new clothes the best you could as you sit on top of the bus.

You look at izuku staring at his phone whispering a small “come on..” in hopes of shoto being able to understand his coded message, you bite your lip worried so you decided to glance over at the boy you met a while ago instead.

He had a worried expression on his face as he stared at a picture in a necklace of two little kids, “those yours? Not gonna lie you do look really young for being a dad of two.” You say chuckling softly.

He looked up at you and shook his head slowly, “No, those are my little siblings, Lala and Roro.” He said, looking back down at the small picture of them.

You give him a small nod, not wanting to push any further.. you all decided on getting down since the place looked empty, you sighed in relief using your quirk to make a big crystal, sliding down it safely then shrinking it. Izuku using black whip to get him and rody down aswell.

Izuku and rody talked before seeing him walk over to the phone. You stayed behind with izuku, stretching your arms and legs, you looked over at him seeing the worried expression he had plastered onto his face, “im sure they understood the code ‘zuku, shotos pretty smart id be surprised if he didn’t understand it.” You said, placing a hand on his shoulder hoping to make him less worried.

“Yeah, you’re right! Im sure by now they are fixing this mess…” he says, a little bit unsure but still keeping a smile on his face. You nod and place your head on his shoulder, “i hope so too..” you mumbled, closing your eyes.

We heard a loud bang paired with a “damn it!” so you both walked over to where rody was at, “hey is everything okay?” You heard izuku say softly, you nodded looking at him a bit worried.

He turned around and scoffed a little, “Oh yeah, life couldnt be any better.” He said sarcastically. You looked at one another before deciding to start moving again.

-

Hours later, the sky was dark and you all had decided to take a break in an old farmhouse to get some rest and figure out everything that had happened tomorrow.

You were beside izuku reading the same map he had of Otheon before speaking out, “thats not great, doesnt look like anythings crossing the border from here.. we’ll have to borrow some sort of vehicle tomorrow, otherwise we’ll be stuck walking..” he said continuing to read the map.

You let out a loud groan, “walking? You’re crazy! Did you forget how heavy this thing is??” You heard the boy say as he sat up looking in your direction, shocked and annoyed.

“If you get tired i can just carry you on my back, thats what strength is for right? To help people when they are in trouble!” Izuku said smiling while flexing his muscles in a playful way. You and rody both give him a look before you rolled over to your side, “beats me, wake me up when you find a vehicle alright?” You said, yawning and closing your eyes.

You hear rody let out a scoff, “maybe fix our current situation rather than treating me like a backpack.” He says, then hearing izuku agree saying we will, you were gonna respond back to the boys somewhat snarky comment but decided to just close your eyes instead.

After a while you had fallen asleep to the quietness that surrounded you, then waking up to a small bird chirping frantically in your face. You sat up and rubbed your eyes, “huh?..”

“Hey whats going on?” You said before seeing how frantic the bird was getting, urging you to look over at the empty space. “Ah shit. The boys gone!” You said, getting up and shaking izuku awake, “hey zu! Wake up, hes gone!” You said, shaking him even more.

“Huh whats going on?” He said getting up quickly, “no, he wouldnt..” he said panicking, “god the briefcase is gone too!” You said, also feeling panicked as you noticed the briefcase wasnt anywhere in sight. The bird then rushes outside so you both run after it, following the small pink bird.

You werent running for long before sighting a helicopter and a big man towering over the boy, “over there!” You say, then using your quirk to shoot crystals at the man, only distracting him for a bit so izuku can get closer and go over towards them, using his quirk. You run over to the boy that was on the ground, “idiot! are you okay?” You yell, helping him up.

Out of no where you both get pushed out of the way by izuku, you look over and see a lady with arrows, the same one that had attacked you guys before, shooting one at izuku before he uses his quirk again.

The boy goes over to izuku worried, “why did you do that?..” he says shocked, “no time! I need you to hold onto me tightly,” izuku says, kneeling a bit, “zuku! You’re injured, i can take him dont worry, ill follow you!” You say as you grabbed onto him, blushing a little at how close you were.

You take a deep breath in and start shooting out big crystals to run on, following izuku in the dark not daring to look back.

-

After stopping somewhere izuku had pulled out the arrow, drops of blood gushing out. You looked at his injury as you crouched down next to him, disgusted at the sight.

“Wait here, ill find a doctor or something!” The boy said a bit panicked as he looked around for help, “it wasnt that deep in, ill be fine dont worry..it destroyed my phone though.” Izuku said, breathing heavily.

“Turn around, i think we packed a first aid kit.” You said remembering, but feeling a bit guilty. As a hero in training you shouldve looked out, being ready for anything, you got lost in your own head as izuku kept on talking, drowing out the noise of them talking and searched for the kit, grabbing it and removing the shirt that he had on, patching him up as best as you could.

Once you were finished you walked around for a bit, finding a small cave to hide out in. For the most part the way there was silent, and it was also silent while building a small fire inside the cave to stay warm.

While izuku was reading his map again the boy and you sat in silence for a while around the fire, you were a bit surprised when he spoke up, “why did you take the arrow back there?” You and izuku both looked up, “what are you asking?” Izuku said, confused.

He inhales a bit frustrated, getting up, “i betrayed you guys, i took the briefcase while you were sleeping.. instead of worrying about me you couldve grabbed it and ran away...” He said staring out into the dark night sky.

“Uhh why would we do something like that?” Izuku says, still confused. “I was the one with stolen jewels earlier, im one of those bad guys you heroes hate and want to throw in jail.” He says shrugging, still not looking over.

“Well we cant ignore when someones in trouble. Hero or not you’re still a person, so we want to do everything we can to help” You say standing up. He turns around and looks at you slightly shocked, then looking over at izuku.

“But why would a criminal like me be worth getting hurt over?” He said still not believing it, “its always worth it if im able to help someone, no matter who it is!” izuku says with a happy genuine smile on his face.

“I do not get you both..” he says shaking his head, stepping back to sit down on one of the big rocks in the cave.

You sit back down aswell, “ha, you and me couldnt be any more different.” He said chuckling, “huh?” You say looking up at him, although he already had his head turned as he looked up at the sky, seeing the night stars.

“My futures pretty much set in stone, i dont have the luxuries of saying some nonsense like, ‘i wanna be a pilot.’ All i can do is provide for my younger siblings..” the boy said, still not making any eye contact with either of you.

You looked at him a bit shocked, feeling a bit bad for him.

“Well maybe-” izuku said getting up, the boy snapped his head back finally making some eye contact, “dont say a word, i dont want your pity!” He said a bit loud.

Izuku stayed quiet and sat back down, you bit your lip at the awkward and quiet moment before rody spoke up again, “i always thought heroes just wanted fame and money, you see the pros never come to where i live, they wouldnt make a buck there..” he said getting quiet for a second before speaking up again, “but.. i guess there are heroes around like you two.” He said now looking at the floor.

You look at him with wide eyes, cheeks a little pink. “The more i sit around and know more about you two the more i wonder about what im doing with my own life.” He says with closed eyes, smirking a bit, “truth is im pretty lame.” He says with a small chuckle, shaking his head.

You chuckle at what he says, you listen to how izuku thought he was weak, and how he still wants to be a hero with a smile on his face everytime he helps someone, “if im being honest myself most times i feel very weak..but thats why i push myself, im determined to be the best hero i can be!” you said with a big smile, “ and zu, you’re pretty inspirational, i can totally see you being the number one hero.” You say chuckling a bit.

“Look, everyone has their doubts about themselves, but if you dont push yourself and work for the future you want, it wont happen. Things are tough, and i definitely know how life isnt fair, but i say try your best to reach for your goals however you can! Step by step.” You say flashing him a smile, he looks at both you and izuku in awe for a while then smirking a little, getting up and walking closer.

The little pink bird appearing on top of izukus head, “oh yeah, thats pino.” He says with a small chuckle as pino starts chirping and flying above yours and izukus heads. “Hey pino.” You said with a smile as the bird kept chirping happily.

“Oh and by the way the names Rody Soul, we sort of skipped intros earlier.” He said with a small chuckle. Izuku stood up with a smile on his face, “and my names Izuku midoriya but call me my hero name, deku!” He said with another big and bright smile, “deku.. thats easy to remember.” Rody said with a smile as he placed his hands on his hips.

You stood up, “my names y/n l/n, but you can just call me by my hero name, Gem! Or both, doesnt matter to me.” You say smiling, letting out a small laugh.

“Gem.. well y/n you have a beautiful name, guess ill just have to switch around both yeah?” He said giving you a small smirk.

You nodded staying quiet as your face turned a bit red.

“Well lets get some sleep rody, y/n.” Izuku said looking at you both sending you a knowing look, you ignored it and nodded.

“Yeah sounds good to me deku,” rody said with a smile. He nodded and found a spot to lay down in, placing his hat over his face.

You layed down aswell and tried your best to sleep, you thoughts flooding your mind. After a while you could hear soft snores coming from izuku as you also heard a small whisper, “hey… y/n you asleep?” You looked over at rody and sat up a little, “yeah.. cant sleep, just keep thinking about this big mess we got into.”

You said grabbing your knees, “yeahh.. me too…” he said quietly, you pressed your lips together for a moment before speaking, “want to talk about it?” You said with a small smile.

He looked at you for a while before nodding slowly, you scooted over closer as you looked at him. “Alright.. whats keeping you up then?” you said, staring at him.

“Well.. i guess im just worried about my siblings.. i mean i guess i just wonder if they’re okay. Their still kids so i dont want to leave them by themselves..” he said huffing and placing his hand on his cheek.

You nod, “i understand, im sure their okay! So dont worry too much alright? We’ll fix this mess soon so you can go home and see them!” You said looking at izuku sleeping.

He looks at you and nods, “yeah.. by the way, are you both..?” He said hinting at you and izuku. Your eyes open wide and you shake your head, “oh nono! we’re just friends!” You say chuckling nervously as your face immediately turned red.

“You sure?..” he says chuckling, enjoying the way your face turned red, “i mean i love izuku but hes just a good friend to me! Like a brother, we’ve been friends for a while now and im sure you can tell by the way hes so positive hes a pretty good friend.” You say chuckling softly, looking at rody.

He nods, “yeah he seems like a good guy huh, dont worry i was just teasing ya, glad you’re not together though, gives me a chance to tell you how beautiful i think you are.” He said looking back and sending you a small wink.

You blush and turn your face away again, “ah well thank you!” You said quickly, not really knowing how to answer him.

He flashes you a smirk and a nod, “well we should go to bed, im sure youll need the energy for tomorrow.” He said, putting his head on his hands as he moved his knees closer to his chest.

“Yeah.. goodnight rody.” You say with a smile, admiring how good he looked with the moonlight shining down on him.

“Goodnight y/n..” he said, with a small smile now, closing his eyes. You felt a sudden warm feeling in your chest and closed your eyes, trying to ignore the feeling.

_

You woke up the next morning to a loud sound of a truck running, you opened your eyes and looked around seeing izuku and rody both gone. You had a confused expression on your face and stood up, deciding to follow the noise.

To your surprise you saw both izuku and rody talking, “hey, whats this?..” you said, rubbing your eyes.

“Sorry did i wake you?” Rody said looking at you as he walked a bit closer, you yawned and shook your head, “its fine, i shouldve been up by now anyway.” You said stretching your arms a little.

“Hey y/n, i just woke up too seems like we have a ride now, im going to get the suitcase really quick, be right back!” Izuku said as he goes back to get the suitcase.

Rody opened the car door and stepped to the side, “ladies first.” He said, with a playful smirk that you chuckle at before climbing into the car.

He smiles and gets in himself as you both see izuku running up and getting in, he starts the car, squishing you as you sit in between them both.

You groan and blush a little when you turn your head seeing how close you were to rody, you close your mouth and look straight as to not make a big deal out of it.

You ended up falling asleep in the car ride as rody and izuku talked, still feeling a bit tired from the previous day, you didnt even realize your head on rodys shoulder until you woke up later on.

“Finally awake huh?” Rody said giving you a quick smile, going back to pay attention to the road. You straightened up and nodded, “yeah sorry, i mustve moved alot.” You said flustered at the thought of how you had slept on him, he didnt seem to mind though.

“Its okay, you look cute while sleeping so ill let it pass.” He says teasingly, you nodded slowly, freaking out on the inside, only hearing izukus small laughs.

You give him a quick look that shuts him up but sneakily snickers once you turn your head straight again.

The next few days were full of some tiny accidents but mostly just hanging out with eachother and talking, even almost getting recognized by a gas station worker, thankfully rody distracted the guy in time to not notice.

During these days you had managed to learn alot about rody, getting closer to the sweet charming boy. He was cute alright, but you didnt think anything would work out since his priorities were strictly on his siblings, but for now you thought this little crush wasnt so bad to keep to yourself.

One night rody was helping deku patch up his injuries again as you helped with the small fire, you were really focused until you heard izuku say something that had interested you aswell, “what about you? Do you have a quirk? Ive been wondering.” He said with another smile.

“Yeah do you? Ive also been pretty curious about that.” You said, finally getting the fire up, you jumped excitedly and sat down next to it to warm your hands up.

Rody made a face while finishing up “I dont wanna talk about it.” He said hiding his face, embarrassed, “oh, sorry!..” izuku said turning back around, you looked at the boy curious as to why he would be embarrassed to say if he had one or not, but you didnt say anything as to not push him, understanding that not everyone likes to talk about quirks.

“You guys wont laugh right?..” he said, izuku turned around quickly, “i promise!” Rody then glanced at you, “Really?” You shook your head, “id never laugh at that!” You said with a serious look, “we swear!”

Rody sighs, his cheeks a little pink, “okay.. its kind of weird..” he says, giving in, “you may think im joking but its pino..” he said as the small pink bird started chirping appearing on top of his head, then turning around hiding her face clearly embarrassed. “Her actions show my true intentions..” he said looking up at pino.

“Really?” Izuku said looking at pino fascinated, he was always like that with everyone quirk so you smiled at this, knowing how excited he always was to learn about somebodys quirk. “No matter how good i am at lying, pino always gives away my true feelings..” he says blushing again, “honestly its not much of a quirk..” he said again holding pino in his hands.

“Dont say that! I think your quirk is cool, and pinos pretty adorable too!” You say smiling as you scooted closer, trying to pet pino instead seeing her curled up in rodys hands, shy.

You chuckle at this and shake your head, smiling. “I think its a wonderful quirk too! I find everyones quirks to be super cool since their all pretty unique!” izuku says smiling.

Rody nods, still a bit shy, “thanks guys..” he says chuckling. You smile at him and nod, “we should get to bed, im sure that by tomorrow we’ll make it by the border.” You said, wrapping your arms around yourself to be warm.

- *lil skip*

Once you had made it to the border izuku checked it out, noticing how heavily guarded it was, “seems we wont make it past the guards without a fight, looks like we’ll have to go up.” You nod, agreeing as izuku tells rody to get on his back.

“Deku take this.” Rody says as he hands over the suitcase, you and izuku looked at him with confused expressions on eachothers face, “whats the deal?” izuku said, “you wont be able to carry me with that injury from the arrow, this is where i say goodbye.” He said looking at the both of you with a smile on his face, “hold on, the trucks out of gas! We cant leave you alone at a place likes this?!” You said concerned, also feeling a bit disappointed, you didnt want to go your seperate ways so soon.

The small crush you had on rody was only supposed to stay like that, but after hanging out with him and getting to know him for a couple of days you had started realizing that the feelings you had for him were more than just a small school girl crush.

“Guys come on you know how fast i can run at a pinch, ill scrounge up some food and ill wait for you both.” He said with a slight smirk, shrugging. “Go figure out whats up with this case, thats what we’re here for after all.” He said handing it to you.

“But rody..” you said staring at him a bit sad, izuku also looking at him a bit upset, “Im counting on you heroes.” He said, izuku nodding firmly and walked over to him going to take the suitcase from rodys hands while you stood there a bit shocked.

The loud sound of a helicopter coming close took your attention away as you looked up at the sky staring at it. You spot the same lady ready to shoot an arrow with a man standing behind her, your eyes open wide but it seems as though izuku noticed she shot the arrow, using his quirk to move you both out of the way again.

You gasp as you used your own quirk to make big crystals to block the arrows from hitting you. You let out an annoyed groan noticing that she started shooting something that turned into big boulders, causing you to lose balance.

“Oh damnit their going to flatten us!” You heard rody say, you pressed your lips together trying to creat a bigger crystal to provide some shield but it was no use as she just kept dropping more, not giving you enough time.

You see izuku use his quirk again kicking the helicopter away, causing the force to push it back, crashing it but also pushing you, izuku and rody back.

You hit the ground, groaning as you got up, “god that hurt!” You said wiping the rocks and dirt off of you, looking around seeing izuku standing up as well, “rody are you okay?” You heard him yell back.

“Yeah maybe.. oh no the case!” He said looking around, trying to spot it. Once he does he bolts towards it, hearing another yell shortly after, “Rody look out!” izuku says as some big boulders crash close to him, “rody!” you yell out with wide eyes as you see them knock him away.

He manages to grab the suitcase but you dont see him anywhere in sight, “ah shit, rody!” You say worriedly, running over to find him.

“Deku catch it!” He says throwing the suitcase over as izuku ran over to catch it but getting close to being hit by an arrow, you see rody fall as you let out a yell, “Oh my god Rody!” You say running towards him, tears filling the brim of your eyes as you try to shoot out a big crystal only for it to not work.

You see a bunch of ice wrap around the big man, then circling back to get rody back up, “that ice..” izuku says, “its todoroki!” You yell out, then seeing him run out of the way, bakugo also using his quirk, aiming it at the helicopter.

It went by quick but you decide to instead see if rody was okay, you run up and embrace him into a big hug, “are you okay?!” You say worried, checking him for any injuries. He looks shocked at the scene and just nods slowly not really taking your words in.

“I was so wor-“ your words got cut off at the big crash of the helicopter then seeing the woman falling, you were in disbelief yourself so you didn’t expect rody to be any better.

Izuku ran over to you both, making sure everyone was alright, “yeah but im not sure how..” rody said looking at the ground, gasping and looking around, “where is it?!” He said, then hearing shoto come up with the briefcase.

“thanks todoroki, but how did you find us?” Izuku said, “well thanks to their flashy attacks we spotted you from the train, is he the one you were talking about on the phone?” He said with a calm demeanor, “yeah, his name is rody soul, they’re also calling him a criminal just like us.” You said trying to keep yourself calm.

“Yeah thanks for the assist!” Rody said with a flashy smile, before jumping at bakugos unexpected yelling that you have all gotten used to by now.

You noticed izuku staring at the bottom of the briefcase, seeing a small compartment open up, “hey look!” He said grabbing it. You looked around and decided it would be better to be protected incase of another attack.

You stood up moving a bit closer and crouched down, placing your hands down onto the ground building a large crystal with a color similar to the rocks, shielding you all from any possible attacks.

You grunted at the feeling it left behind in your palms, wiping them on your shirt to get rid of it then standing up and walking back over to see them trying to figure out a little puzzle that was supposedly in the little compartment.

“Hand it over, ill blow it up!” You heard bakugo say, frustrated already with the small puzzle. You rolled your eyes smacking the back of his head, “you cant do that idiot! Its a puzzle for a reason, there must be something important inside.” You said huffing, ignoring whatever he was yelling at in response to you.

You see rody handling the puzzle then somehow being able to solve it, “rody thats amazing! Howd you do that?” You said looking at him in awe as shoto and izuku figure out what the little pieces inside are.

“I did a puzzle like this before when i was a kid.” He said, flashing you a big smile and oh how you loved it.

You blushed nodding, “thats cool! I dont think id be able to wrap my head around a difficult puzzle like that.” You said, walking a bit closer to him, “its simple once you learn its tricks..” he said in a soft tone, inspecting the small puzzle carefully.

-

Once everyone was in the air and gearing up you glanced over at rody that was focused on flying, you put on the last set of your support gadgets that you had gotten for your suit and waited, admiring how helpful rody was being. Also the fact that pino was chirping happily showed you that he was pretty excited but also nervous about flying, you were just happy that he finally got to live out his dream even if it wasnt in the best situation.

“Thats it the base, going in for a landing, brace yourselves!” Rody said turning his head a little to look at everyone.

“No Rody you turn back.” Izuku said pressing the button to open the door, “Extras like you should stay out of the way.” Bakugo said following right behind him, “He has a point.” Todoroki said agreeing, you rolled your eyes and gave rody a frown, “Sorry rody but this is very dangerous, please get back safe alright?” You said, getting ready to go aswell.

You didnt wait for his response as everyone had already jumped down, you took a deep breath in and jumped aswell, making sure to stay straight as you shot out big crystals, shielding yourself from the attacks of the Humarise soldiers.

You shot out many big and sharp crystals taking down a couple of soldiers before landing down, making another crystal in the shape of a slide to keep you from injuring yourself at the landing. (Sorry if it doesnt make sense guys, use ur imagination the best u can 😣)

You got swooped up by todoroki as he was also holding deku with him, you let out a small gasp since you didnt expect it but you didnt complain, wanting to help in any way you could.

Todoroki used his ice to go over some of the soldiers but you all soon got hit by some lasers that broke the ice, causing you to fall on izuku, “sorry!” you said, a little hurt from the fall, but helping each other up “Todoroki!” Izuku yelled out, calling for him.

“You guys go on ahead as fast as you can!” He said, shooting out some fire, aiming it at the soldiers that were all rushing in quick.

You nodded, following behind izuku, using your quirk to get some of the soldiers out of the way as did izuku.

He knocked down the door and walked in, you peeked a little before following behind him, “seems empty.. something doesnt feel right zuku..” you mumbled, getting an uneasy feeling in your stomach.

He looked around and noticed a door, “the trigger bomb controls should be around there, lets go!” he said running, you were about to go until a laser shot at his feet, “how dare you, this is not a place where someone so diseased should step foot.” A man said, slowly walking out.

You glared at the man, “this must be the leader..” you thought as you stood ready in case of anything.

The man was still talking but you were completely focused on the fact that the room was starting to board up. You let out a small gasp, turning around to see the whole room boarded up before hearing, “Ill stop your trigger bomb if its the last thing i do!” you turned around quickly seeing izuku lunge forward, towards the man.

“Deku wait!” you yelled out, then seeing him getting thrown back, you raised your hands shooting a couple of crystals at him, only to see them shoot back at you.

Your eyes opened wide as you dodged some, only getting scraped a little by a couple on your arm. “What the?..” you said, in shock.

The man went on to speak about have the ‘disease’ himself, saying that his quirk reflects everything he comes in contact with, which helped you figure out why your crystals bounced back at you.

You see izuku keep on attacking, only to get his attacks reflected back onto him, “deku!” You said running over to him, helping him up.

“His quirk, every punch or kick or whatever you try will only reflect back at you!” You said helping him wipe off some of the dust and rocks.

“We’ll run, avoid him completely!” Izuku said, as you nodded and both started running to the door, the time starting to run out.

Out of no where many lasers had started to appear, one badly injuring your left side and arm. You groaned out in pain, using your right to hold your side, you then hear a yelp from izuku alerting you that he had also been injured.

You try moving but end up falling onto the ground clutching your arm and side, “i have to keep going.. i.. cant let rody down, my friends and family...” You thought as tears pricked your eyes, you had realized how important his siblings were to him and they were in the area of a bomb, you didnt want anything bad to happen to him either.

You noticed the blue man distracted so you used your left hand to shoot out some crystals, hoping that the angle you were shooting them from would work, although you ducked your head as you saw them reflecting back towards you. Hitting your body as you let out some screams.

You looked over at izuku and saw all the blood pooling next to him, he stood up looking in your direction, “y/n!” He said worriedly, you gave him a thumbs up, not wanting him to worry about you right now, he turned back after giving you a small nod to look at the man.

You couldnt quite hear anything the man was saying, nor deku, just the screaming in pain was all that you could hear and It terrified you.

You knew you had to do something so with all the strength you had in you, you tried using your right arm to lift you up, only to fall back down, you let out a groan and tried your best to move across the room, only being able to push yourself slowly.

You glance to your side seeing rody holding deku as blood gushed out, “r-rody?” You said with wide eyes, confused and worried. He looked at you for a second, then giving you a genuine smile, “its fine now y/n, deku. Dont you worry.” You tried to move again but only winced in pain, “you.. have to run.” Izuku said in a low voice.

“I will, once i hand this over to the blue guy.” He said, holding the deactivation key, you look at him in disbelief, then laying izuku down softly, “know that i am sorry, but they said they’d stop the Otheon explosion if i helped them out.”

“N-No…” you mumbled, trying to push yourself closer to rody leaving a trail of your blood on the ground, “Dont do this, if we work together we can stop him and help everyone, please!” Izuku said trying to get up, groaning in pain.

“How are we going to stop him if you’re both all messed up? Times almost up, the bombs are going to explode its game over..” rody said shrugging, “No!” You shout out, he looks a little bit over his shoulder with a blank face.

“Atleast im going to protect my family.. i can do that much.” He said, starting to walk up. You couldnt believe your eyes, as they started clouding up with tears. You heard rody speak but everything was looking and sounding foggy.

Was this how it ended? Your heart was starting to hurt more than any of the injuries you currently had, feeling betrayed by the boy you had started to grow big and real feelings for.

“Sorry heroes but this is how it all ends.” You hear rody say with a calm voice, you looked up wincing again in pain, “thats life, people get betrayed, if its any condolence it happened to me too.” He said turning his head back to the blue man, “nothing to cry about.” He said, going to hand the key over.

You and izuku both look at him in disbelief, “rody no..” you said, until you saw that little pink bird in his hoodie shaking her head, it took you by surprise but you used up all the strength in you to stand up.

You looked to your side seeing izuku up aswell, you saw rody flip up the key, then running out of the way, izuku kicking the blue man in the face. “Y/n!” Rody said as he ran over to you, pino grabbing the key quickly as she had it in her mouth.

“Seems like the plans working huh pino!” He said happily before you hear the man yell angrily and you see the lasers again, you pushed rody out of the way quickly, “Run! Ill cover myself, go!” You said shooting some crystals at the lasers to break them, izuku doing the same.

As you shot most of them one suddenly turned back on hitting rody on his right side, “No!” Izuku said, rushing over to use his quirk on the man, you stared at rody as he was spread out on the floor, you yelled out, running up the stairs and over to him, “rody!” You said kneeling down to his side, trying your best to help him up.

You both look over and see izuku getting pushed into the ground, “oh shit.. deku! Dont you dare die you kick his ass!” Rody said as you both held onto eachother, “ ill stop the bombs, you- you take him down hero!” He said holding the key up.

“You got this rody!” you said, and he nodded giving you a quick hug, he winced a little, leaning on the wall, “i wont hold you back, i believe in you rody!” you said, “be safe y/n, you really are a gem. You got this hero!” He said giving you one last smile, starting to walk towards the room.

You smiled at his words, nodding and grabbing your side making your way down next to izuku. As he threw a punch you lifted your right hand getting ready to try and block the reflection only for it to come back so quickly, knocking both you and izuku down.

He stood back up, ready for another but you fell onto your knees gasping for air, panicking as you saw the room starting to go dark and fuzzy. “You got this deku, beat him!” You said before mumbling a curse word hoping that rody makes it in time, “i cant give up.. not now..” you thought, trying to stay awake but instead getting knocked out cold.

-

You opened your eyes to find yourself in a bright room, you blinked a couple times before realizing you had made it to the hospital. Your eyes filled with happy tears seeing that rody did it, he saved everyone.

You tried to sit up but winced a little, “y/n! You’re awake!” Deku said, going over to you, “how are you feeling?” He said with a worried expression, you chuckled and shook your head, “im fine izuku feels like i barely got a scratch, wheres rody?” You said jokingly but glancing around the room, he pointed at the bed on the other side and sure enough there he was with his arms wrapped around two little kids.

“Im assuming that roro and lala?” you said chuckling, smiling and staring at the cute sight in front of you, you moved your legs to the side getting off and walking over to the boys bed.

“Hey hero.” You said smiling at him, getting a bit closer to the bed, “gem!” He said excitedly, “im so glad you’re awake.” He said, sitting up more to hug you.

You moved forward and accepted his hug sighing in relief, once you pulled back you noticed the little kids staring at you, youre face turning red in embarrassment, “im so sorry for not introducing myself! My name is Y/n L/n! Or you could call me gem if thats easier!” you said, giving the two kids a nervous smile, chuckling.

Rody looked at his sibling and nodded at them, “this is my friend, you can say hello..” he said telling them that it was okay.

Your heart dropped a little at the word friend but you shook it off, knowing that you werent really anything, reminding yourself that he was a good friend, that you maybe had feelings for…

You talked with his siblings getting along pretty easily with them, you could totally see why rody loved them, they were adorable!

After a while you had sat on the edge of rodys bed making small crystals in fun shapes for the kids. Your moment got cut short when izuku interrupted with some bad news, “Hey y/n, i meant to tell you but we’re supposed to be leaving tomorrow, your stuffs all packed and everything ready to go.” He said, and you nodded before he walked away.

“Well.. ill let you rest.” You said to rody, standing up from the bed, he looked at you like he was gonna say something but instead he just mumbled out a “Yeah okay.. thanks for being so nice to my siblinga and well…. to me.” He said with a genuine smile, a faint blush spread across cheeks.

You chuckled, nodding “of course, dont worry rody their good kids, and very adorable. Goodnight now.” You said giving him a smile as you returned to your bed.

You let out a sigh once you got in bed, closing your eyes to rest.

_

You were at the airport already on your way to board the plane with the rest of the heroes as you walked talking with izuku, a small frown on your face as you told him how you didnt want to leave already.

He chuckled and teased you knowing about your crush on rody since you werent really good at hiding it, you were about to respond until you heard a little chirp.

You turned around seeing pino and rody, waving. Your face lit up in shock but also feeling extremely happy that youd see him one last time before going home.

“Rody!” You and izuku said, walking over to him, “we didnt think youd be out so soon!” Izuku said smiling, “eh they said i was good to head back home.” Rody said with a shrug and a smirk.

“Glad to hear it.” You said giving him a smile,”althoughh.. if i had died stopping those bombs i would have become a total legend!” He said jokingly, “thats a morbid thing to say!” Izuku said before you all heard a loud “HA!” coming from bakugo.

You all bursted out laughing before letting izuku have his final chat with him, meanwhile you remembered something and grabbed a small piece of paper, scribbling your number on it and then stuffing it back into your pocket.

Once you had seen that they were finished talking you walked back over and looked at izuku before he chuckled and waved goodbye, walking away to give you space.

You took a deep breath in and smiled at rody, “ill miss you alot…” you said, your smile turning a bit sad. He shook his head and embraced you into another big hug, “yeah i will too but do me a solid and stick to Japan okay? Nothing good seems to happen when you heroes are here.” He said, calmly. You stepped back and looked at pino, seeing how her eyes were all teary and sad.

“Ill come back for sure then. I swear..” you said smiling, “theres something i also have to tell you.” You both said at the same time, you blushed and looked to the side before giggling, “you go first.” He said with a chuckle, “well.. meeting you was probably the best thing that has ever happened to me rody, i mean it. I hope this doesnt cross any boundaries but if im being honest these past few days i caught really enjoying your company, so i guess what id like to say is.. well, i like you!…” you said looking down, your face now completely red, “thought id get it out now instead of holding that in.” You said letting out a sigh.

He grabbed your cheeks and pushed your head up to look at him, “I do too y/n.. look im not the type of guy to really care for people but i have definitely gotten really close to you, and well even liking you too.” He said, also a bit shy now.

You chuckled, hearing the intercom call out the name of your flight, you sighed and reached in your pocket, “here, my number incase you ever want to get a hold of me.” You say handing it to him, he takes it and gives you a smile placing it in his pocket.

You quickly take your right hand and make a small pink crystal in the shape of a heart, “andd maybe a little something… so you dont forget me alright?” You said chuckling, feeling the heat in your cheeks spread out onto your whole face.

He took the crystal placing that into his pocket too before looking into your eyes and leaning in closer to you, your heart stopped a little as you leaned in placing your lips onto his. The moment felt unreal, you had definitely felt sparks and you were so ready to tell the girls back at UA about this.

The kiss was short but sweet and filled with a lot of emotion but you had broken it, hearing the last call for your plane, “i should really get going now.” You said biting your lip.

He nodded and gave you one last hug, “ill see you soon gem.” He said with a sad smile, you nodded and pet pinos head, “dont miss me too much mkay?” You said smiling at him, “ill try.” He said with a playful smirk giving you one last kiss.

You definitely didnt expect to fall in love on this mission but you also dont regret it. Youd be back to visit the boy from Otheon the soonest you could, maybe even bring a couple of gifts for him and his siblings too. Doesnt matter, all you know is that you’ll be waiting for the day that youll be in his arms again.

[jo-harrington]

Lei!!! HERE WE GO!!! A long awaited and anticipated chapter and still a brilliant one. WE ARE BACK BABY and I'm screaming, I'm crying, I'm everything...my heart.

I loved R getting ready in the morning, it was the perfect blend of like...monotony with this glow of anticipation and the promise of something new. I especially loved this:

Still, you liked the way it looked; cheery against the drab apartment wall, like something a real writer would have.

An old friend but still a promise. It's still there, both reminding her that she is a writer and she's telling it I'm not ready to put you away--put that dream away--yet.

Eddie's eagerness to get everything set up and perfect knowing R is gonna be there, and then his shortness with his friends. I think I've already told you before but I adore how all of us have different characterizations of the CC boys, and I love your Dave. (Not just cuz we both named him Dave.) This line made me laugh out lout.

Dave groaned, cracking his back with a twist of his hefty torso. “Ugh, can you at least let me hit this doob before you put me to work?”

I love the descriptions, the way you illustrate these scenes. R's entire process in getting ready for the show and melding someone she used to be with the person she is now. A reconciling of these two separate people that have existed for a while and now get to be whole once again thanks to her courage and her adoration of Eddie. I'm. It's not just for him. IT'S FOR HER TOO AND I'M CHEERING.

You gave a few of us a little sneak peak during a writing session one time and I am still as obsessed with this line now as I was then. Obsessed:

Here, in the dingy confines of The Hideout, words like freak and loser lost their stick. Words he could shake like a dog at the door.

Because it...like not only does it convey such strong imagery but the dog shake is absolutely one I think a lot of us attribute to our spaghetti boyfriend that it's perfect. Thank you thank you thank you.

That's my entire reaction to the entire scene with them performing. This was just...transcendent.

Eddie's jealousy. those feelings. IM.

That is all. That's the reaction. I need to cage the beast.

You wanted to be bad for him, and so you accepted.

YEAH SHE DID.

And then I think I blacked out for the rest. As in it's fully seeped inside of my brain and its burned there. Do you know the TikTok sound "you have a smooth brain?" I HAVE THE OPPOSITE THANKS TO THAT WHOLE SCENE LEI. I HAVE THE LUMPIEST BRAIN. You just...wow.

Freedom was slick. It tasted like cigarettes, like a thousand unsaid words ushered past the border of your mouth. You could taste every one on his tongue, soothed them with the slickness of yours.

Like the rest. "I'm sorry." "I'm not." AND THEN

It was terrifying — the prospect, the consequences. What it meant for you, for him, for the world you’d have to face tomorrow. 

Most terrifying of all was how good it felt to hear him say.

It's magical. Magical. I DONT EVEN. Gonna take a page out of Bailey's book and be like "how are these words crafted with the same alphabet that the rest of us use." I'm on the floor my love. On the floor.

I'm sobbing, I have the biggest smile on. You did it.

And I need you to remember this. Because whether its today or tomorrow or next week or next month...you're gonna start a new document and look at a new blank page and wonder "how am I gonna do this." And I need you to look back at this chapter, which is like...this...TRANSFORMATION, this EVOLUTION...and remember that it's gonna be easy because you already got over this hurdle. This...moment so anticipated...so uncertain. You did it.

Love you. Congratulations on this monumentous chapter.

Don't Stand So Close To Me — Chapter 14

Eddie x Teacher!Reader

Chapter 14/? 18k. Series Masterlist

✏︎ An invitation to The Hideout answers some long burning questions.

✏︎ Series Summary: Forced to move back home to Hawkins after your fiancé cheats on you, you begin to fall in love again with an audacious 20 year old metalhead, only there’s one problem — he’s still in high school and you’re his English teacher.

While you struggle starting over in a place you never thought you would return, Eddie struggles feeling stuck in a place he can’t manage to leave — until you offer to help him. Of all the lessons learned, the most important are the ones you teach each other.

✏︎ Series CW: forbidden romance, slow burn, true love, smut (18+ mdni), internal conflict, student-teacher relationship, 10 year age gap, mutual pining, sexual tension, emotions, drama, angst, character development, happy ending :)

Chapter CW: kissing, heavy petting, jealousy, protective!eddie, drinking, smoking, fluff

Tuesday, December 10th 1985

Winter crept in like a lamb. It nipped at your ankles when you got out of bed, beckoned you to hibernate in the warm cocoon of soft sheets and heavy blankets. The room was a lightless cave, the sky still as dense as midnight. Feet shuffling blindly at the floor to find your slippers, you clicked on the small lamp atop your nightstand to offer some light to your habitat. 

Standard routine — making shadows on the wall as you brushed your teeth, emerging out the door to the dark hallway, squinting under the harsh light of your kitchen. Two eggs over easy. Two pieces of toast. One phone that hung to the right of your small kitchen table like an omen as you dipped the crust into the yolks. Looming. Waiting. You swallowed a feeling with your next sip of coffee; flutters that danced down your throat and settled in the pit of your stomach. 

By the time you returned to your bedroom, the sky touched your sheer curtains with the palest blue. Your clothing was already laid out neatly on your dresser, poised like soldiers in a row — thick ribbed stockings; plaid wool skirt; stiff white blouse; cream knit sweater. 

As you suited up, stripping yourself of warm pajamas to brace the chill of your formal attire, your eyes drifted to an object on your desk. Powder blue and collecting a fair amount of dust; an IBM Selectric II typewriter. It was more or less a decoration now, pushed against the wall to make room for piles of papers in need of grading. Still, you liked the way it looked; cheery against the drab apartment wall, like something a real writer would have.

It was a trusty old thing, still chugging along despite countless college essays hammered into the grey keys. It had been your only company in the wee hours of many mornings such as this one, only then there had not been sleep to separate you from the night before. Sturdy and dependable, it captured your imagination too, letter by black inked letter. 

Fastening the buttons of your blouse in a methodical rhythm, you could almost trick yourself into believing it was any other morning, except today there was something else you needed to do before you left, and the clock on your nightstand let you know in glowing red that your window to do so was closing.

Cold linoleum creaked under your stocking feet as you padded into the kitchen, stomach twisting into knots as you approached the phone. If you were going to do this, it had to be now. 

Running your finger down the laminated tabs of the well-loved address book on your counter, you flipped to the section labeled “J”. After scanning a dozen hand-written names, you found the one you were looking for. It was a mess of chalky white-out and hasty scribbles. Last name replaced, same with the phone number and address. You weren’t sure why you didn’t just write it all fresh under “P”, perhaps it was something about not wanting to erase the history entirely.

You took a deep breath and snatched the phone off the receiver. Pressing the cold plastic to your ear, you glanced down at the numbers in blue pen and whispered them quietly to yourself as you slowly, hesitantly, clicked them one by one into the cream button pad on the wall. 

You stared across the kitchen in sober contemplation of your life choices as the phone rang. Again. And again. And again, until a familiar, groggy voice answered.

“Hello?” 

“Hey! Janet!” you greeted brightly, sounding far too awake for 7:06 AM. In your nervous haste, you almost forgot to tell her who was calling. 

“Oh… hey there,” came a hesitant voice on the other line, a sharp squeal cut through the static followed by a hush.

“Hey, um, I know it’s like, super early and totally last minute but I wanted to catch you before I left for work. Listen, I’ve had a hell of a week already and I was wondering—and I totally get it if you can’t, but—well I was wondering if you’d be up for going out tonight. Like say around eight-ish?” You bit your lip and grimaced, twisting the gummy cord around your finger. 

The pause was filled with the rattling of tiny fists against plastic. “Oh! Well let’s see,” she said in a voice that was suddenly very awake. “The kids will be asleep by then, or at least they should be,” she chuckled, “and Bob doesn’t go to bed till after eleven anyway, so I’m sure he’ll be fine if I escape for a few hours. I mean I’ll check with him but I really don’t see why not.” 

It was equally as promising as it was a relief; the excitement that crept through her voice. 

“Great! Yeah, I figured you could probably use a night out.”

“Oh gosh, you don’t even know the half of it,” Janet laughed. “So where were you thinking? You wanna just go to Pal-Joeys again?”

Pacing toward the counter, you braced to offer your suggestion. “Actually, I was thinking we could go to The Hideout, I hear there’s a band playing tonight.”

“The Hideout?” she asked through an incredulous smile. 

“I know,” you breathed nervously, “it’s not really our um, regular haunt, but that’s kinda why I want to go, you know? Shake things up a bit. Everything’s just been feeling so… routine lately, you know?”

Janet’s sigh was deep and heavy. “Oh trust me, I know.” A bright coo crackled through the telephone line. 

“Like, I kind of want to just…” you coiled your finger deeper into the phone cord, glancing at the glaring red clock above the stove, “I dunno…pretend to be somebody else for a change.” 

“You know,” she started, a quiet mischief creeping into her voice, “I could really stand to be somebody else for a night too.”

You paused in your pacing as a smile cracked across your face. “Glad we’re on the same page.”

“Gosh, do you know your birthday was the last time I went out? Seriously! And before that I don’t even remember. Sometimes I look around and it’s like, man I used to be fun. You remember when I was fun, right?”

You chuckled, drifting back to memories of truths and dares, of creeping down her dark basement steps with freshly painted toes. “You still are fun, Janet.”

“Well maybe you can help remind me because sometimes I look in the mirror and I swear I don’t even recognize myself. Really! I swear I see my mother more and more and that’s what’s really terrifying.” 

“You mean you don’t see Bloody Mary anymore?”

Janet’s cackle would have woken the whole house had it not been wide awake and eating Cheerios already. “No that’s just at my parents’ house, remember?”

You snorted, leaning back against the counter. “I think we screamed so loud we woke the neighbors. I swear that bathroom is haunted.”

“That’s what I’ve always said! You feel like you’re being watched, right? My parents still don’t believe me. Oh well, not my problem anymore.”

You laughed, the knot in your belly releasing slightly before you glanced at the clock again, 7:13. “Crap, I’ve gotta get going. So I’ll see you at eight tonight? At The Hideout?”

“Yeah, should be fine. I’ll call you if anything changes. Ah!” she squealed, “I can’t wait.”

“Glad you’re excited,” you chuckled, gripping the smooth plastic. “Ok, see you later.”

“Bye now!”

You hung the phone back on the receiver and stood in the blaring silence of your kitchen, frozen by the impact of your choices. It was real now. In a matter of about thirteen hours you would be getting in your car, driving down a dark road, and parking it at a seedy bar where you would see Eddie for the first time in public. Your feet felt glued to the floor, but as the clock blinked to 7:15, you willed them to move.  

Before taking the dark road that led to a seedy bar, you would first need to get in your car and take another road — to work.

You cursed the cold. Cursed it as you hurried across the parking lot to find your car covered in fractals of frost. Cursed it vehemently as you worked the glass with your feeble plastic scraper, shaving holes just big enough to see out of your dashboard and rear window as the clock on your wrist ticked on minute by precious minute. You cursed it audibly when you turned the key and the engine whirred, and whined, and refused to turn over. It must have heard you, because after the fifth time of stomping on the brake and snapping your wrist forward, the engine roared to life.

You rode in on a wave; a daze like the fog that escaped your lungs in shallow breaths. The sun rose above the frozen farmlands, casting its golden-pink light across the empty fields. Out here the roads stretched on for miles. Flat and straight, with little variance in elevation. There was nowhere to look but straight ahead. No curves to surprise you, just you and the rumble of the salt-dusted road, bumping along in silence as an anxious fog rolled across the landscape of your mind. 

A sea of students swept you through the front doors of Hawkins High and into the bustling office. Amidst the flurry of ringing phones and voices settling into the cadence of their roles, you grabbed your punch card and stamped the date and time in line with the rest. Pushing the metal handle of the heavy glass door, you exited the humming reprieve of the office and into the din of the main hall. Your boots made hollow clicks against the glossy tile, wind at your face as you marched forward, dodging roughhousing students and hall monitors rushing toward them. 

Goodness was a mantle. A strap that dug into your shoulder; heavy with books, and papers, and responsibility. You wedged your thumb beneath it, shrugging it up onto the padded wool collar of your coat as you strode on, vision locked ahead as chaos swirled around you.

Your mug left a ring on the big desk; a remnant from where you’d sloshed it coming down the hall. You’d tried to be careful; slow and deliberate in your pacing when you left the teachers lounge with it, but when a blur of wild curls drew your gaze, your footing faltered. At least you missed your shoes. 

Coat hung on its solitary hook and grade book stationed at the center of the desk, you took your place in front of it. Clutching your clipboard, you glanced across the rows of desks, down at the rows of names, beside the rows of boxes that your green pen would fill with neat little P’s and A’s like it did every day. Bell after bell, swipe after swipe of your eraser at the board, the fresh sticks of chalk dwindled to nubs. Question after question, the patience in your voice grew thin. 

Between the bells at the top of fourth period, you stood poised like a sentinel outside the door to your classroom. Arms folded across your knit sweater, you sighed, shifting your weight back and forth between your tired feet, offering gentle smiles as your students filed through the threshold of the door. You smelled him before you saw him; the waft of leather and cigarettes with notes of shampoo more prominent than usual. 

Against the flow of traffic, Eddie Munson brought his salt-licked combat boots to a halt in front of you. Thumb hooked under the heavy strap of his backpack, he offered you a smile so broad it crinkled the corners of his eyes and made your knees want to give. 

You tightened your arms around your sweater, over the hard plastic of your faculty lanyard, and breathed a shy, girlish greeting. “Hey.” 

“Hey,” he mimicked, shifting his weight with a less than subtle restlessness as his dark eyes drank you in. They darted back and forth between yours, plush lips parted and primed with words. You felt them brimming impatiently behind his eyes, saw them in the pink flash of his tongue as it darted out to wet his lips. 

Out here in the bustling hallway, with eyes that watched and voices that echoed off the polished tile, Eddie edged a bold foot closer, dove in, and ghosted the shell of your ear with his burning question.

“Will I see you tonight?”

The words were a low, hot rumble — rippling from your ear down your spine, pooling deep in your belly. His heat thawed your shoulder as he hovered there, lingering for each aching second it took you to eke out your response. 

“Yeah,” you whispered into his curls.

Pulling back with a blinding grin, he tipped his head and ducked into the door of your classroom.

The slam of a locker made you jump. Arms crossed to shield your pounding heart, you stood there in the middle of it all, swimming in a sea of passing bodies, struggling to keep your head above the waves. It surged with images of a lighted stage, of bottles, and tables, and a dark corner for both of you to hide in. The bell echoed loudly down the hall, shrill enough to wake you from the dream you were surely having. Donning your mask, you took a deep breath and dove in, shutting the door behind you.

______

Eddie swung open the heavy back doors to his van, piercing the darkness with the dull yellow overhead light. Gravel crunched under his boots as he leaned in to grab the first amp from the stack, like a pile of black Christmas presents awaiting unwrapping. The night air bit at his fingers, stars twinkling in the patches where the clouds gave way above the tree line. Tightening his grip around the thick gummy handle, he hoisted it and followed the pale path the moon offered out of the side parking lot toward the patio behind The Hideout.

It wasn’t much; a stout fence in dire need of a paint job that caged in a few meager picnic tables. They still had umbrellas in the middle, wrapped tightly like mummies for the winter. He knew the back door would be open, it always was. Turning the weathered knob with his free hand, he welcomed the heat that wafted toward him. He could almost say he welcomed the piss smell coming from the bathrooms as his heavy boots thumped down the dark linoleum hallway, but that would be a stretch. Accustomed was a better word. Familiar was a better word. 

Stale beer and cigarettes soon drowned it out as he entered the dimly lit bar, stopping to plunk the heavy amp down to his left on the stage, which was little more than a raised platform painted black. The thud drew the attention of the five usual suspects at the bar, and Eddie wondered which one of them was responsible for playing “Free Bird” on the jukebox.

Bill raised his hand, tipping his baseball cap back in a friendly nod as his fingers splayed. “‘Ey, Eddie!”

He returned the gesture of a single raised hand and flashed a smile before turning down the hall again. Eddie took a deep breath at the door to calm his pounding heart before pressing it open. He couldn’t believe he had been crazy enough to suggest something like this. That soon enough, you would be perched atop one of those rickety stools at a tall, sticky table, watching his every move, listening to his every note. The chill of the night air was a welcome thing, sobering and distracting from the heat that was creeping up the collar of his thick, leather coat. As the gravel crunched under his boots again, headlights blinded his vision. 

He could hear the bass pounding from the outside of the small sedan as it rolled up beside his van, followed promptly by another. After a moment of squinting, the headlights shut off with the rumble of the engine, leaving him in the darkness once again. Seatbelts clicked and laughter emerged from the open doors as his friends tumbled out into the parking lot. 

“What the fuck took you guys so long? We left at the same time,” Eddie groused.

Dave lumbered over and sighed, a smirk playing on his broad features in the moonlight. “Jeff had to take a shit and he parked me in.” 

Jeff rolled his eyes, swinging the door shut with a huff as Gareth laughed into the night air. 

Eddie sighed, glancing toward the tall stack of amps and drum heads sitting backlit in the rear of his van. “Ok, well we’ve got like forty minutes to get our shit together so start hauling.” 

Dave groaned, cracking his back with a twist of his hefty torso. “Ugh, can you at least let me hit this doob before you put me to work?”

On any other night, Eddie would have welcomed the suggestion, but his nerves were traveling to his hands now and he itched to move them. “Dude, it takes us like an hour to set up, we don’t have time right now. We can smoke after we get this shit on stage.”

Jeff quirked his brows suspiciously, “Dude, since when do you care that we’re on time for anything?”

“Yeah seriously, we’re late like every week,” Gareth added.

Eddie balked, searching for the answer in the treeline, one that excluded you. “It just—if we’re ever gonna play anywhere else besides here we’re gonna have to start getting our shit together.”

There was a lukewarm pause as the band considered his answer. By the looks on their faces, Eddie wasn’t entirely sure if they bought it, but it was the best he could come up with and the statement was true. Dave broke the silence with an exasperated sigh. “Come on. I’ve been jonesing since we got to Gareth’s. His mom is so anal we can’t even smoke outside.”

“That’s ‘cause you reek when you come back in,” Gareth defended.

“At least I don’t reek of ass like you,” Dave chortled.

Jeff didn’t miss a beat. “That’s debatable.”

Gareth’s cackle wafted into the frigid air as he pointed a pale finger at Dave.

“You wanna find out the hard way?” Dave’s eyes glimmered wildly as he hooked an arm around Gareth’s shoulders, locking him into a power noogie position.

Gravel shuffled under their stumbling feet. “Let go of me you asshole,” Gareth gritted through a strangled laugh. Jeff only egged them on, howling uproariously like he had tickets to the show. 

Eddie dragged his hands down his face with a deep, seething breath as Dave ground his thick knuckles into Gareth’s mop of hair, kicking up rocks and pivoting as Gareth attempted to pry away. This was his circus, his monkeys, and he would have to step up and be the ring leader if they were going to take the stage at all tonight. “CUT IT OUT!” he hollered. 

Dave paused, arm still locked around Gareth’s neck. “Come on, we’re just having a little fun. You remember fun, right?” 

Gareth groaned weakly, looking up at Eddie with pathetic eyes. “Who’s we?” he choked.

Eddie’s expression didn’t budge from its scowl. With a roll of his eyes and a resigned huff, Dave released his arm and Gareth stumbled backward, gasping. “Fine, captain killjoy.”

A heavy plume of fog left his nostrils as Eddie stormed toward the back of his van, weaving his arm through a thick ring of cables to rest on his shoulder before hoisting another amp from the stack. Gravel shuffled behind him as the others followed suit.

You were risking a lot to come here. The last thing he wanted to do was disappoint you.

______

The silence gnawed at you, filled you with an itching discomfort as you thumbed your dresser knobs. Staring into your open shirt drawer, you faced off with your biggest decision yet — what to wear tonight.

The chasm of options laid before you in neat, folded rows. An excavation site of cardigans, and turtle necks, and things you hadn’t unearthed in years. You ran your fingers through the layers of folded cotton, peeling them back with deep consideration. 

Nagging thoughts crept in like whispers over the softly ticking clock, pinball plunger pulled and ready to fire. With a determined huff, you stepped back from your dresser and padded down the hallway, out into the living room. 

Your skirt pooled around your stocking feet as you crouched down in front of the long wooden cabinet that housed your records. Fingers dancing over the worn cardboard spines, you flipped them softly forward as you perused one by one, walking steadily until one of them fell open to a scene; a painting of a man hunched over with sticks tied to his back that hung on a wall of peeling paper. You paused, pulling it out to scan the track list. This would do.

Placing the the record softly on the felt pad, you lowered the needle to the ridges, and with the press of a button, a crackle roused the room. 

Hey hey momma said the way you move

Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove

A smile, like a crocus peeking up from the snow, bloomed across your face. You cranked the volume, wrapping yourself in a sound that would carry to your bedroom. 

Your fingers found the tiny metal tab behind your waist, and with a downward tug of the zipper, your wool skirt became a puddle on the floor. Peeling back the layers, your tight sweater joined it in a heap, your thick stockings lay deflated on the pile, the buttons of your stiff blouse worked free until it was a crumpled afterthought. The chill that kissed your skin was a welcome thing. Goosebumps raised like the current flowing through you as your near-naked silhouette danced across the wall to approach the open drawer once more. 

Emboldened with a curious delight, you began to dig. Past the crust of crisp blouses, beneath the squishy mid-layer of cardigans, down into the sub-layer of camisoles and tees, deeper and deeper until finally your fingers made purchase with a soft treasure. 

It fell open as you unearthed it, the solid black gone grey from washing, the white letters and arched angel cracked and faded: Led Zeppelin — United States of America 1977. 

It happened on a Sunday in April, which began as most Sundays did, with you hunched over your powder blue typewriter in a race between the clock and the keys. You had it down to a science. At the speed you were typing, a rough draft could be finished by dinner, and the final could be churned out by cutting into a few hours of your sleep. A worthy sacrifice, as your final grade was on the finish line. This, like countless others, was how you planned to spend your day — until your roommate found you. 

You remembered the way she leaned against the wooden frame of your bunk bed, amused, watching the paper you hammered with black-inked letters grow longer and longer. Finally she spilled it; as of an hour ago, she was down one boyfriend and up one ticket, and now it had your name on it. When she dangled it between you and the tidy rows of text, your hands froze over the keys. 

You eyed the invitation — temptation printed on a neat, orange strip. Free admission, at a price.

The show was sold out. It had been for a long time. 

Your class was at 9:00 AM tomorrow. A late paper took twenty percent off your grade. 

You loved the band dearly, had a bigger crush on Robert Plant than you’d openly admit to anyone. Fights had broken out over tickets nation wide. You had no idea when they would play the states again.

The clock ticked on beside you, the long hand grazed past three. Maybe you could churn out the rest  in the next few hours. Maybe the rough draft would be enough. But the realist in you knew neither would happen if you seized the ticket. Your grade would never recover, your streak of straight As you’d kept since grade school would come to an end. Your GPA would dip for the semester.

On April 17th, 1977, you left your paper sitting unfinished in the typewriter to see Led Zeppelin play Market Square Arena. You didn’t know it then, but it was the last time they ever would.

On April 18th at 9:00 AM, you showed up to class with empty hands and a brand new shirt. 

You had altered your souvenir; taken scissors to the collar so that it draped off your shoulder. Time and your washing machine had made Swiss cheese of the bottom hem, so you cropped it. You admired the handiwork as it draped off you now, the way the black strap of your bra peeked out from the slope of your shoulder like a coy secret. 

Pulling open the lower drawer—opened far less frequently than you would like—your knuckles grazed the bottom of the smooth wood interior as you peeled back the layers of folded denim. A crease of black jumped out from the sea of blue, and you examined it. It had a nice worn-in fade for only having lived in your dresser a few years, a flatteringly high waist, and most importantly, tapered legs that could easily be tucked into the tall, black boots sitting in the back of your closet. Your bare legs welcomed the barrier against the chill, and you caught a glance at your rear as you hiked them snugly upward. They hugged you in all the right places, as the music electrified the air, you transformed.

A vision of you — sprawled across a blanket on the quad with your face in a book. Making shadows on your dorm room wall while transmuting fantasies to black-inked pages. Strolling down a lamp-lit street, face to the stars, fueling your wild imagination. Here, in your reflection, the ghost of you looked back.

You painted her darker than normal, swapping the usual chapstick for a deep, dusty red exhumed from the bottom of your makeup bag. Eyes smoked and cheeks dusted, you drew out the beauty from angles of your face with every stroke.

Coat donned and purse in hand, you paused at the front door, glancing over your shoulder, down the hallway, toward your coffee table piled with papers. There was another ghost of you here — tucked into her slippers and cozy robe with the voices from the television as her only company, flicking her green grading pen down rows of questions. 

On December 10th, 1985, you left the papers sitting on your coffee table to see Corroded Coffin play The Hideout. With a decided twist of the handle, you pushed out into the cold night air. 

Light pooled in sparse puddles as your boots echoed off the rough pavement. Stillness whispered on the wind as crisp remnants of fall scuttled across the asphalt. The apartments behind you were a tapestry of glowing squares, pictures of the rest of Hawkins tucking into their slippers and washing their dishes, grabbing their blankets and turning on their televisions. 

You grabbed your keys and unlocked your car, and when it roared to life with a swift flick of your wrist, a strange exhilaration coursed through you. 

It rose like the moon over the barren fields, thrumming in your chest, spreading to your limbs, alight with something wild and teeming as you drove past rows of lighted windows—vignettes of tired routine—and stopped at the same red sign you did this morning. Your fingers twitched over the turn signal leaver — an impulse to flick up, to turn right, to settle into the familiar rhythm of your muscle memory. This time you pressed down, pressed your foot to the gas, and cranked the wheel left.

Cruising boldly down the straight and narrow road, fields and farmland faded in your rearview mirror and soon there were trees on the horizon; dense and dark. Gripping the wheel as the silhouette closed in, the corners of your mouth drew upward, pulled by a wild, awakened force. Headlights illuminated pale, naked limbs. Eyes beamed back at you from the shadows. You cranked the volume on your stereo, and as you braced for your first bend, something deep within you—dormant and restless—howled.

______

The water was so cold it burned. Eddie cursed the old plumbing, instantly regretting having the decency to wash his hands in the first place. Soap just barely rinsed, he twisted the lime-scaled handles and shut it off. With a trembling hand, he grabbed one of the last paper towels. Gareth’s kick drum echoed down the narrow hallway, thundering just like his chest. He glanced at his watch again. 7:56. 

Eddie took a ragged breath, chucking the crumpled paper at the overflowing trash bin in the corner. It bounced dejectedly off the wall and onto the dirty tile. With a deadpan glare, he left it where it lay. Hands barely dry, he felt for the flask in his pocket. Screwing the tiny cap and flicking it open, he tipped it back. Eddie welcomed the burn. It chased down his throat and settled in his stomach with a warmth that radiated, instantly numbing his nerves.

Meeting his own eyes in the tiny, smudged mirror, he gave himself a final glance over. His curls were holding; fresh and clean from this morning, fluffed by the icy wind in the trips from van to stage. 

Here, in the dingy confines of The Hideout, words like freak and loser lost their stick. Words he could shake like a dog at the door. He’d fashioned them like armor in the daytime; a shield in hallways and in lunch lines. What was stickier were feelings. The feelings that came with chewed pens and answers left blank. The feeling of lectures slipping like a sieve through his brain. The feeling of stares and stifled laughter, of staring numbly at the board, of filling the silence with bullshit instead of an answer. 

Microphone feedback squeaked outside. The dull, heavy walk of a bassline. Laughter. Cymbals. That kick drum again. Eddie took another swig, searing the flutters in his stomach.

He wanted to be good for you. Seen under stage lights instead of fluorescents. 

Good like an answer he knew.

-

You saw the sign first, peeking from behind the trees — simple, effective, and yellowed with time. The Hideout: a hole in the woods. Tucked around the bend you now braced against, it sat like a neon beacon. The chipped, grey exterior faded into the shadows, leaving only the holy glow of Budweiser and Miller Lite signs to guide you to the promised land. 

Pulling into a spot along the narrow parking strip, you faced off with your destination. Looming and real. Frozen as reality stared back at you in the glare of your blinding headlights, you gripped the steering wheel and looked around. There were a few other cars beside you, but none of them Janet’s. Around the left of the building there appeared to be more parking, and the stout silhouette of a two-tone van you did know the owner of. Pinballs hammered in your chest. 

When you arrange a time to meet someone, you are always punctual. Perhaps a life organized by bells on timers trained you to be this way, but the thought of entering alone filled you with dread, and part of you wondered whether you should wait out here for her. Your hands were starting to shake, and not from the cold. 

The list of crazy things you had done in your life was a laughably short one, but this made the top by a long shot. As you turned the radio down and sat in the wake of your rumbling engine, the questions grew louder. Serious questions about where you thought this night would go, about where you wanted it to go and if you would truly go there. 

Suddenly your headlights felt too bright, like a beacon drawing eyes from the woods, or even more terrifying, eyes from the building. You promptly flicked them off and waited, staring dead ahead at the chipped grey siding. It was fine. You were fine. At least you could no longer see your breath. You could hide here as long as you wanted. 

-

“Alright man, it’s doob o’clock,” Dave said with a satisfied stretch as he took in the stage setup.

Eddie ripped another frantically scribbled setlist out of his spiral notebook and shoved it at him. “No it’s eight fifteen and we still need to do soundcheck,” Eddie scathed, glancing at the door. “You can start by plugging your mic in, Jesus Christ.”

Dave huffed annoyedly through his nose, squatting down to find the cord with exaggerated difficulty. “Yes sir,” he mocked. Eddie shot back a testing glare. “Dude, what’s up with you tonight? You’ve been on one since Gareth’s.”

“Yeah, you ok man?” asked Jeff.

The knots tightened in his stomach as the attention of all three of them closed in around him. “Just—let’s just get our shit together…please,” he deflected.

-

Glancing around frantically, you wondered, for the hundredth time, where the hell Janet was. You couldn’t be that surprised that a woman with two small children was late, but your exhaust was making a smokescreen of the parking strip, and you wondered if anyone inside had noticed, if anyone could hear the low rumble of your engine and questioned why this strange woman was idling. With an irritated sigh, you turned the key, leaving you in deafening silence and leeching cold. You could hear your breathing now, your pounding heart, the squeaking of leather as you shifted in your seat. What one of the kids got sick? What if she called after you left? 

What if she isn’t coming?

Eddie’s eyes lingered at the door as he clicked the pedals with his feet, plucking a soft, testing melody into the mic. His watch glared under the stage lights, confidence fleeting with every minute that ticked by. Gareth snapped his foot petal with a deep thud. Dave walked out a bassline before squealing feedback made the whole bar flinch.

The strum of a chord made you jump. Booming and electric, you heard it through the walls. They were starting. They were starting and you weren’t there. Gripping the steering wheel, you tossed your head back in an anguished sigh. You sure as hell weren’t going to stand him up. As you glanced around the parking lot one last desperate time, the bitter conclusion rose like bile — you may have to do this alone. Seatbelt clicking under your gloved thumb, you steeled yourself for the cold, for the eyes of strangers in a strange new place. With a decided pull of the handle, the door opened to the frigid night air, and you emerged from the heat into the unknown. 

You met your reflection in the glass of the entrance as your hand gripped the weathered knob. Pinballs fired off at lightning speed — a jackpot multi-ball bonanza. Checking your hair one last time with eyes locked on your own, you turned the handle with a determined sigh.

A bell dinged above your head, and winter’s chill gusted in on your heels.

The whole room turned at once — at you. You, from the front of the classroom. You, from behind the big desk. You, in the doorway of The Hideout. Across a dark sea of scattered tables, poised on an altar of sound and light, Eddie Munson smiled at you — brighter than all of it. 

The door fell shut behind you. Hot under the gaze of what seemed like the entire bar, it suddenly felt like you were the one on stage. Standing there like a deer in headlights in your long wool coat and clean black boots, you surely must have looked as out of place as you felt. Shoulders rolling back to counter your thrumming nerves, your boots left the rug and found the tacky linoleum as you approached the bar that lined the left wall. 

Eddie busied his shaking hands with tapping another test melody into his mic, pausing when he heard a voice over his right shoulder. 

“Is that…?” Jeff pointed toward the back of your head.

Gareth’s eyes lit up in recognition. Dave peered over with a shit-eating grin. “Did you invite her?” he mouthed.

Eddie’s face betrayed him, burning like it did under the fluorescents. Burning to greet you at the bar, for the liberty to patronize it, to offer you something more than his aching gaze. 

“No,” Eddie lied, “but I may have told her we play here on Tuesdays.” He struck the strings with the weight of his frustration, drowning out any further questions with the opening chords to the first song on the setlist. The others took their cue with chuckles and shaking heads. Heart pounding like the kick drum behind him, Eddie’s fingers found the frets, tugging a muscle memory from deep within as his eyes stayed fixed on you. 

There was an older man in a sweatshirt behind the bar. The owner, you figured, by the way he was standing — arms crossed, stance wide, unafraid to take up space. By the way he was looking at you, like he wondered what would drive a new face to his establishment on a random Tuesday night in December. From the glances the others passed between them, the feeling seemed unanimous. 

“How can I help you?” he half shouted against the chugging chords, leaning against the bar with a curious smile.

You braced with your brightest grin, placing your gloved hands down flat on the waxy bar. “Hi! Yes—um,” you scanned the selection under the neon lights, the liquor bottles of all shapes and sizes reflected in the dirty mirror behind them. The bar back was tightly cluttered with old stickers and hand-written notes taped behind the cash register, with half-empty bottles of bitters and bobble heads nodding to the palpable vibration. Having no interest in standing there awkwardly while he fixed you a cocktail, you selected a bottle of Coors. 

He nodded and ducked to open the steel, magnet-plastered fridge beneath the cash register. 

Your gaze, like a magnet, drew back to the stage. It was all you could do just to watch him — the way his curls fell gently at his cheek, the way they bounced with every strum. There was a tension lingering just under the curve of his lashes. The music was fast and loud, purely instrumental. You recognized nothing about it but the genre. Head dipped in concentration as his left hand tapped a frantic melody into the frets, he raised his eyes bravely to meet yours.

He wasn’t the only man staring. It was hard to ignore; the man in the baseball cap to your right as you stared right through his line of sight. You pinched off your gloves and shoved them in your pockets to occupy your hands.

A bottle cap plinked against the bar top. “Two bucks,” the owner stated, slinging a towel over his shoulder. 

You fished through your purse, feeling those eyes on you as you opened your wallet, as you slid the bills right under his gaze across the waxy counter. You snatched the cold bottle and raised it to your lips. Turning over your shoulder, your eyes clung to Eddie on stage, to his tendons as they flexed to pick a rhythm at the strings. His was gaze a soft and yearning thing, a contrast to the sharp and punchy chords that left his fingers. 

“You know these guys?” the man in the cap asked finally, pointing to the stage. Your eyes shot toward him in surprise, lips still pursed at the bottle. He had that working man sort of look. Average features, subtle crows feet, a whisper of sandy stubble across his strong jaw. His grey-blue eyes were gentle, but brimming with a heated curiosity.

You used the much needed swig to buy yourself a second. Did you? The cold, bready fizz sparkled down your throat. You supposed you didn’t have to specify how you were acquainted. “Yeah,” you answered simply, plugging your mouth with the bottle like a dam.

A bell rattled behind you. Grateful for any disruption, you whipped around quickly to break the connection. Janet lit up as soon as she saw you, a mixture of relief and apology playing out on her face as she strode across the room. Tight blonde curls emerged from her lowering leopard print hood. “Oh my god I’m so sorry,” she lamented, arms opening to embrace you. 

Relief washed through you like a warm buzz. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it!” you said as your nose took a dive in her soft, perfumed curls. 

“Sarah would not stop crying, it took forever for me to finally get her to sleep. I swear babies have a sixth sense, they always know when you have fun plans,” she said through a laugh. Her lashes were long and thick with mascara, eyeshadow a solid sky blue so vibrant that it popped even in the dim neon glow. 

Janet ordered a margarita. There was nothing new to speak of, really, over the electric roar of the band, but you tried to listen. Intently, you tried to listen to the new words her son was saying, to offer some lukewarm update about how work was going, but your eyes had their own agenda.

The rolled cuffs of Eddie’s tight, acid-washed jeans bunched against the pull tabs of his boots as he tapped the rhythm with his heel. There was no jacket for him to strain against, no flannel to constrict him, no sleeves on his T-shirt in December. It was more than you’d seen of him yet. Ink flexed with each generous swell of his bicep, and with every attack, he would flash you his ribs through the hand-hacked holes. 

“Mmm,” Janet mumbled, sipping off the top of the very full, salt-rimmed rocks glass. “Come on, let’s get cozy,” she said with a wink and gestured toward the tables. The air was thick with smoke wafting from the bikers at the bar. Eddie tapped out another lick and peered through a few stray curls as you followed her across the room to a high top, back and center.

You wanted to be closer. Close enough to see the umber of his eyes, the ridges of his knuckles as they plucked the strings. There were a few shorter tables down in front, back about five feet from the stage. But as the beams of light bounced off the glossy wood and over the seats in blinding white, you were grateful for the shadows ten feet would afford you. 

Janet stripped off her coat to reveal a tight black dress with long sleeves and sequined, padded shoulders. It hugged just above the knees of her sheer hose, punctuated with sharp ankle boots. 

“Look at you all dressed up! You look stunning.” You meant it, she really did.

Janet’s smile was a shy deflection, but hiding just beneath it, a glimmer of belief. “Thanks, this thing’s been sitting in my closet for like a year now. Can you believe it? I just felt like, you know, if I’m going out I’m gonna dress up goddamn it,” she laughed, punctuating with a slap against the table. “We coulda gone to Benny’s, I still woulda worn it.”

You laughed, for the first time since you’d talked to her that morning. Unbuttoning your coat, you let it drape over the metal back of the stool behind you. 

“You’re not looking too shabby yourself,” Janet said with a wink before taking a sip.

“Honestly I’ll take any excuse I can get to dress down,” you said with a sheepish huff, propping your elbows on the sticky table before bringing the bottle to your lips. 

A nervous crackle wound its way through Eddie’s stomach at the vision of you. You, perched on a stool in a dive bar. You, in jeans and a t-shirt. You, arching forward just enough to grace him with a sliver of your back. It was real — you, here.  He soured a note, and those words he shook off came creeping back in as he fumbled through the next lick. But you didn’t seem to notice. You propped your cheek against your knuckles and let the warmth of your eyes usher his doubts away. 

When the song came to a ringing conclusion, Janet’s cheer was uninhibited, clapping her hands above her head. It drew eyes from the couple seated at one of the lower tables, from the bikers at the bar, from the band. Your applause was more demure, but you couldn’t mask the brilliance of your smile. 

“Thank you, thank you,” Eddie said into the microphone. “Looks like we really have a crowd tonight. Seven drunks.”

The room erupted with hollers and cheers. 

The bassist muttered something to the other guitarist and the two shared a laugh, casting their eyes towards you. Suddenly your face grew very hot. Of course they recognized you, Jeff was in your second period class. You anticipated this, and yet it was the realness of it all that shook you — the hard stool beneath you, the stares you could feel as your finger idly traced the cold condensation on the glass. Pinballs fired off at rapid speed. You drowned them with a tip of the bottle. 

Eddie shifted, clicking the pedals with his foot. “Ok, so this next one is uh, definitely not an original.” He breathed a laugh into the microphone, glancing up at you — at your shoulders, hunched in shy defense, at your worried brow and downcast gaze. He wished he could reach across the room, lift your chin with his words and draw you from your shell. “Anyway, you’ll uh, probably recognize this one,” he said, to you.

Eddie nodded to the band, counting off silently before they struck a chord together — a low, droning thing, gritty and slow as the bass walked steadily over the foundation. Eddie swayed back and forth, rocking in time with the beat like a march, resting his heavy-lidded gaze on you. Across the divide of scattered seats, you — at the small table, saw him — on the big stage. His nimble fingers struck the chords with an ardent conviction, and the ice in you began to thaw. 

Suddenly the beat changed pace. Gareth smacked his drum sticks together to count off, and the first two chords sparked instant recognition. A smile rose up in you — a wild and thrumming thing, radiant and rising until it cracked through. 

You knew what was coming. Two chords, quiet taps for a count of sixteen, and then those two chords again, like a one-two punch, booming and building with anticipation. Again, and again, as the energy rose in the room. You caught the wicked glint in his eyes as his hands—those hands that fidgeted and fumbled with dog-eared pages and chewed up pens—wielded power. A surge of electricity swirled through your stomach, crackled because you knew what was next. 

Eddie took a deep breath, and opened his mouth. 

Generals gathered in their masses

Colors. Warm and bright, tingling like a shockwave from your chest down to your seat. 

Just like witches at black masses

In your secret daydreams, you often wondered what his voice sounded like in song. 

Evil minds that plot destruction

Tried to guess from his deep hums and brilliant laughter.

Sorcerers of death’s construction

Now, it suspended in the air like a battle cry, reaching out across the chasm of tables and chairs.

In the fields the bodies burning

Surging like a wildfire.

As the war machine keeps turning

Swirling through the darkness like a strange magic.

Death and hatred to mankind

Reaching out like it wanted to touch you. 

Poisoning their brainwashed minds

And so you let it.

Oh lord, yeah!

The music rocked and swelled. Like a balm reverberating through the air, it softened the hunch of your shoulders. Like an antidote, it dissolved the knot in your stomach. Like an arrow, it pierced the shell of you. 

Janet took a generous sip of her margarita and bobbed her head to the rhythm. You caught her gaze from across the table and shared a laugh, a mutual knowing through squinted eyes and shaking heads that this was, in fact, a Tuesday night in December, and the two of you were here.

As the cold drink warmed your limbs, you became acquainted with the hard curve of the stool beneath you, with the of rings left behind on the glossy table, with the crowded ashtray. Acquainted with the smoke that wafted through the air and the darkness that enveloped you like a blanket. The music settled over the room, and as you settled into that heavy buzz, you started to get the feeling you might actually enjoy yourself tonight.

Janet needed no convincing. Her first margarita went down easy, leaving nothing but the ice and her hot pink lipstick on the rim before they finished their fourth song. When she returned from the bar with one in each hand, she placed the extra in front of you. Her treat, convinced they were better than Pal Joey’s, insisting that you try it even with a few sips still lingering in your bottle. 

It surprised you — the balance of lime, and liquor, and something else you couldn’t quite place. It surprised you how it easy it melted the tension in your stomach, how it encouraged you to lean in a little more, to let your shoulders drop.

Eddie noticed it, peeking out from under the coyly dipping collar of your shirt; bare and soft as you leaned against the table — your shoulder. He missed a note. Cursing silently, he glanced down at his fingers and tapped into that deep, subconscious part of his brain again where they knew just where to go. But when he closed his eyes to find it, the image remained painted to his lids — a ripened fruit, tempting but too far to taste. Across it, a stripe of black hazard tape, a trail he itched to follow. 

There was a hunger in you, stirring more with every song, with every decadent flash of his pale ribs. He was good. Stadium good. Those nimble fingers tapped the frets, making them sing in a way that made you wish you were wire and wood, looking at you in a way that made you think he wished the same. He stroked the neck of his instrument with a reverent touch, attacked the strings with a holy power, like a wingless angel with a spotlight halo. You whispered a silent prayer, venerating him from your faraway pew in the only way you could — with your eyes.

The animal stirred in its icy den, roused by the warmth of his voice as it stretched across the bar. It stirred in that place you rarely acknowledged, rarely indulged as you considered what other talents his hands might have. You considered the shades of those sighs and swallows he took before painting the air, considered what they might sound like if he showed you. It settled and throbbed in that low, blooming place, and you smothered the feeling with a cross of your legs.

Busying yourself with what remained of your beer, you shifted your shoulders to face him directly, leaning your free arm against the metal back of the stool with an ease that Eddie considered looked almost as good on you as the shirt did. Your lips lingered on the rim of the bottle before parting with a soft pop. He swallowed.

There was a gap between you; a sea of scattered tables and wide open ears and eyes amongst them. What could he possibly say from his position? From a microphone on stage? A thousand words ached on the tip of his tongue and he swallowed them with a sloppy chug of water as the applause bought him a moment to consider. 

The white lettering across your chest jumped out at him from the shadows like a bright idea. Eddie swiped droplets from his mouth and turned to his bandmates, bringing them into a huddle as the noise drowned out what he was saying. Whatever it was, after some deliberation, they seemed in agreement about it.

You hadn’t seen Janet like this since the summer between your junior and senior year of college. She was always a happy drunk; talkative and bubbly, spilling over with laughter and the sort of wild enthusiasm that a child at a carnival might have.

“I wanna dance,” she said longingly, glancing toward the stage as she slumped in her seat. 

“Maybe we can go to a club next time,” you joked as you downed the remainder of your sweating drink.

The band assumed their positions again. Eddie tapped the pedals with his feet and rolled his shoulders back with a deep, collecting breath. His eyes found yours across the room, brimming with such a longing you wondered anyone else could sense it too. After the longest second, he snapped his head over his shoulder with a steely conviction and nodded off a count before making his attack — the opening riff to Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love”. 

Your hands shot to your face.

Suddenly Janet perked up, inspired by the catchy rhythm and her own suggestion. “We should dance! Will you dance with me?”

You balked, shrinking down. “There’s like… six people here! I don’t think it’s really that kind of—”

“Oh come on, please? What’s there to lose, huh?”

Oh, only my last remaining shred of dignity in front of my students. But you couldn’t say that. “Janet,” you hissed. “We are not—I can’t—”

Her three margaritas had a different opinion. They reached across the table and grabbed your hand. “Come on, live a little! That’s what we came here to do, right?” 

You buried your face in your other. The truth was you wanted to. You wanted a closeup of that smart smirk, of the sweat beading down his temple as he strummed the punchy chords he hand-picked just for you. You wanted the fantasy, the memory, the experience. It was convincing — her pouting pink lips and pleading eyes, almost as convincing as the tequila coursing through your veins. The truth was you left your better judgement at home on the coffee table. To her giddy satisfaction, you surrendered. Dragging you from your seat, she led you to the front of the stage.

Eddie’s smile could have blinded you, even through the shy web of your fingers. Cheers erupted from the bar, from the whole band, as Janet shimmied her sequined shoulders to the beat.

Eddie opened his mouth again, this time with an ardor you could feel in your bones.

You need cooling, baby I’m not fooling

He crouched down to level with your eyes. I’m gonna send ya back to schooling

You lowered your hand to mask the girlish grin that cracked across your face.

Way down inside, honey you need it

They were breathtaking up close — his eyes. Sparkling with an energy you’d never seen before. Rich umber alight with something you couldn’t quite place, too mesmerized by the promise his tongue wove through the air.

I’m gonna give you my love

I’m gonna give you my love… oh!

He straightened with a backward toss of his head, and you found the word you were looking for in the droplets that flung from his curls. Power. 

Wanna whole lotta love?

Wanna whole lotta love?

Janet—having an absolute field day over the spectacle—offered you her hand like she wanted to tango. Freeing your face with a brave sigh, you accepted with a slap of your palm in hers. She tugged with a childish delight, and you took your cue — spinning into her waiting arm and shooting back out with a flourish dredged up from some long forgotten place. The room became a blur of sound and light, of cheers from the bar and the stage. You stilled to find your footing, landing on his eyes. 

You’ve been learning, and baby I’ve been yearning

He dipped down again. All them good times baby, baby, I’ve been lear-er-nin’, he punctuated with a shake of his head. He could see the whole vision of you, bright and clear under the stage lights. A wildness lingering just behind your eyes, a fragment unseen until now. It pounded at the cage of your chest, rose up in the shallow breaths you caught before Janet snatched you away again. He swore—silently on a deep inhale—that he would do everything in his power to coax it out of you.

Way, way down inside, oh honey you need it

I’m gonna give you my love

I’m gonna give you my love

You couldn’t remember the last time you really danced. The last time you felt a rhythm with your body and followed its blind inspiration. No rhyme or reason, no plans or choreography. It felt awkward at first, like trying on skin fresh from the wash. Feeling your feet shuffle against the tacky linoleum, finding the rhythm of yourself with a room full of strangers as witness.

Somewhere between the beams of light and the wink of Eddie’s rings beneath them, you found it. Like a memory rising up, sweeping through you like a current. Visions of a stadium, roaring as a lion struts the stage with his golden mane, as he commands a sea of thousands with his voice. There was an animal in you too, wild and careless. 

It grew wilder when the music dropped to nothing but percussion. When the room fell away to nothing but the heat from Eddie’s eyes, sparkling with play. It made your hips want to sway a little more, your legs want to dip a little deeper to match his wildness with your own. Imbued with a sudden, potent energy, he struck his wicked instrument as the rhythm and melody unraveled. 

Janet took it in stride, leading you in a rocking shimmy as you swayed to the change in tempo. Light danced on her sequined shoulders as she tipped her head back in a blissful cackle. You followed her lead, eyes fixed on her with a surging power in the knowing of whose eyes were fixed on you.

The air was a cool kiss against the sliver of skin where your shirt left off, daring you to show a little more. With a twist of your arms toward the spotlights, you blessed him with the dip of your back — the alluring shadow of your spine that trailed into the high waist of your jeans. He panged with the urge to follow it, fell to his knees and wailed through his fingertips.  

You broke from Janet’s pull to face him, eye-to-eye level, watching reverently as the sweat glistened in his clavicles, as his pelvis jutted into his weapon to eke out his solo. Howling for you with each stroke of its neck, each bend in its strings as you matched his rhythm with your hips. A secret world, just you and him, the rest fading out into nothing. He swore, like a spell in each note that he wove through the air, that somehow he would make it last.

From his knees, Eddie grabbed the mic off the stand, and with a wordless nod earned by years of friendship, Jeff took over the melody. To the delight of the crowd, he stripped himself of the weight of his instrument, setting it carefully off to the side. 

You’ve been cooling, baby, I’ve been drooling, he crooned as he crawled forward.

All the good times, baby, I’ve been misusing

You played with him there. With your shoulders, with your eyes locked no more than a foot from his. Desperate to touch him, you worshiped every bead of sweat that fell from his temple, every wet curl that strayed from the nape of his neck and hugged the strong angle of his jaw. What left his lips next dripped with such fervent intention you that you couldn’t keep your hand from your face.

Way, way down inside

I’m gonna give you my love

I’m gonna give you every inch of my love

I’m gonna give you my love

He was pure energy; raw and manic. Free in the way that wild things are. He snatched your breath away, dragged it to his den and had his way with it as he queried the chorus to you. There was wildness all around; in glinting sequins and megawatt smiles. In the flashes of limbs under the lights. In the rhythm you carried with your whole body now, moving in a way that was both so foreign and natural all at once. 

You wondered how it looked from the outside; you and him. From the bar it might have looked like drunk spontaneity. From the stage it might have looked like a stint of support for the arts. You wondered, with a twinge of fear, if the others could feel the longing too or if you had masked it well enough as a performance. 

The music dropped out to make way for the final lyrics.

Way down inside, he belted into the silence, punctuating with a deep inhale. Woman, he shouted, locking eyes with you for a pregnant second as the world came to a halt, you need… he drew a deep breath in the space the two chords allowed him before wailing the final word at the ceiling — loooooooove!

You felt it with every cell of your body in one suspended moment. Felt—for the first time since you could vividly remember—truly and completely alive. With a crash of cymbals and an electric instrumental boom, the rhythm—and the world—reconstituted around you, swirling with a vibrant energy that swept you away.

His dark eyes opened with a wicked glint, and his next breath left his chest as a command. 

Shake for me, girl. I wanna be your backdoor man!

You obeyed with a shimmy of your shoulders and the room went wild. 

______

Janet left you with a tight, perfumed hug. A gentle reassurance that yes, she was fine to drive home. She left you in the vacuum of slamming guitar cases and distant voices as the jukebox picked up where the band left off. Left you to sober up to how idle and awkward you felt sitting at the table you once shared with her, picking at the peeling label on the wet, empty bottle.

When you heard footsteps approaching, a part of you was grateful for the prospect of someone—anyone—to talk to, though it wasn’t who you hoped. Instead, it was the man in the cap from the bar.

“Hey, love the shirt,” he remarked, glance lingering a little too long over the text across your chest.

“Thanks,” you said shyly, gaze drifting back to the bottle.

He stepped closer, setting his can on the table. “I take it you went to that concert?” 

“I did, it was really last minute actually.” You told him the story. You told him with your words and gestures, twisting in the tall stool to face him, but it was Eddie that drew your eyes. Crouched down with one knee bent beneath him and the other straining against denim slits, he collected his pedals into a tiny, vintage suitcase. There were words coming out of your mouth, but faced with the rigid angles of his thighs, you were helpless but to stumble over some of them.

It was then that you noticed he had already been staring, though not at you, at Bill — with a simmer behind his eyes.

“Man, I woulda killed to go to that show. I was working a double when tickets went on sale and a buddy of mine said he was gonna camp overnight for us. Well, he ended up getting into a fight with his girlfriend and flaked out. ‘Course they were sold out and closed by the time I left work.”

You expressed your genuine sympathy.  

“Boy I was pissed at him then, but even more pissed after Bonham died. Like damn, that was my last shot, man!”

“I’m sorry you had to miss it. It was quite the show.” You told him what you could remember. The setlist, the stage, what they wore.

Eddie watched closely, carefully darting between you amidst the gathering of cables and closing of metal latches. He watched your hands come to life like he loved so much, like you always did when you were explaining something with fond enthusiasm. Helplessly, he watched the way Bill leaned closer, the way his hand and forearm made themselves at home on your table. The simmer hissed and bubbled behind his eyes.

“Anyways, it’s good to see such a lovely new face around here. One with great taste, I might add. Made my night.”

The simmer kicked up to a full, licking flame. 

“Oh, well thanks. I don’t get out much,” you said with an awkward chuckle.

Bill stepped closer, as if his next point was something he had to lean in for. “By the way, and I hope this isn’t too forward, but… you’re a great dancer.”

Eddie watched your hand dive behind your neck, your face contort into a feeble smile, your shoulders hunch, your eyes glance down. He could hear the distress in your beautiful laugh and he boiled so hot he could have seared a hole into the back of Bill’s head.

He extended his hand. “I’m Bill, by the way.” 

Eddie wrapped the cable in hasty circles around his forearm. Heat rose behind behind his tight lips and exited in short fumes.

“Hey man, have you seen the drum key anywhere?” Gareth called from behind him.

It barely registered. The world was a fragment now. A red-hot, narrowing tunnel reduced to a singularity — Bill’s hand. 

Bill’s hand; hovering like a salacious invitation, too close to the soft swell of your belly. That open, rugged palm — weathered, experienced, and free. Free to reach into his wallet, to reach across the bar, to hand you a drink, to wander all sorts of places where Eddie could not.

You, ever polite and always accommodating, reached back.

He touched you. 

Eddie’s vision narrowed red. Helplessly, he watched Bill’s fingers snake around the back of your hand and squeeze, linger at your palm as they released. A coil wound through his body. It rose up like bile — up through his spine, into his shoulders that rolled forward and back with a deep, seething breath. Up, up, into that primitive space at the base of his skull where words and civil manners had no place.

“Can I buy you a drink?” 

Eddie dropped the cable. 

The world blurred in the wake of his target and in five swift steps he was at your side. “Hey, Bill. Uh—” his senses ebbed back to him with a curious look from the man he’d shared countless drinks with. A man he would call his friend had he not breeched a sacred distance, a contract he knew nothing of. His vision was clouded, the coil tight and hot. 

“She’s um,” he continued quietly, a murmur he had to lean in for. An urge seized his hand. The urge to claim, to slip across the divot of your back and pull you close where you belonged, to but the noise from the stage and the eyes that followed forced his hand deep into his pocket. He swallowed his frustration, hoping the simmer in his eyes would be enough to convey what he meant. “She’s with me, man.” 

A throb from that low, blooming place, rose up in a full body yes. In the arch of your back, in the dip of your eyes as you caught the desperate heat from his. 

Bill blinked in honest surprise. “Wait, you mean,” he pointed between the two of you, eyes darting back and forth with a confusion that only deepened the insecurity of everyone involved, “you’re—”

“Yes,” Eddie hotly interrupted. The coil in him released slightly, a low rumble replaced by a surge that settled in his cheeks at the trembling, nervous laughter in your voice. 

Flutters roared through you all at once, spinning the room well beyond the scope of the liquor that lingered in your veins, heightening your senses to the warmth radiating from the aching nearness of his body to yours.

“Well, hey man, we were just talking—”

“Yeah—well,” he glanced at you, an apology playing out in the widening of his eyes as the coil cooled to sobering embarrassment. He wished he could bury himself, open a trapdoor and take you with him. A parade of stomping feet and slamming cases trudged on behind him from the stage. He prayed the din was enough to mask the conversation. 

“It’s ok!” you nervously exclaimed to both of them. “Really. Besides, I—I need to sober up anyway before I go home, so… it’s really ok,” you soothed to Eddie specifically. 

Eddie’s pulse thrummed in his hears, his body a livewire of stress and embarrassment. “Ok. Well, I just, um… thought I’d let you know,” he concluded to Bill, desperate to string together some semblance of dignity. He dipped his head toward you until his voice hummed lowly in your hear. “It’ll just be a few more minutes. I gotta get the rest of this shit cleaned up, and then we can, um—” his eyes darted back and forth between yours in wordless exasperation.

“Yeah,” your body whispered, overriding any protest of your noble mind. To what you were agreeing to was unimportant. Whatever he wanted.

Eddie nodded and pivoted toward the stage in a swift exit.

In the wake of his absence was an awkward pause, a space Bill was quick to fill with words. “Well, um, it was nice to meet you,” he said with an awkward dip of his head. 

“Yeah, you as well,” you said, a feeble anchor to the spinning room. Bill’s gaze hesitated with a flash of disappointment before returning to the bar. It was all you could do to just stand there a moment, heart pounding in stunned realization as the space whirled with the clammer of footsteps, the thud of equipment, the clinking of glasses. Suddenly the weight of your aloneness in the middle of it all was crushing. You retreated to the down the short hallway and ducked into the bathroom.

She’s with me.

She’s with me.

She’s with me.

In the muffled quiet of the dimly lit reprieve, the words echoed louder than ever. You were almost afraid to check your reflection, to look yourself in the eyes and face the person who ached to hear them repeated, but you did, and she surprised you. Something about the way your lipstick feathered clean in the center from the kiss of the bottle, the way your mascara settled at your lower lashes in the delicate lines beneath. It was oddly flattering, like the shadow of a good time. 

You liked who you saw, and perhaps that scared you most. 

Jeff’s laughter echoed down the hallway and the pinball trigger snapped again. What the fuck am I doing?

You would ask yourself this question as you pressed the tip of your boot to the dirty toilet handle, as the cold water woke your skin, as it dripped onto the salt-stained tile, as you dropped the soggy remains of the last two paper towels into the overflowing trashcan. 

When the clammer of footsteps and slamming of the back door faded to nothing more than distant murmurs from the bar, you slowly cracked the door and peered into the empty hallway. Your boots clicked tentatively against the tacky linoleum, emerging from the shadows as you drew a steady breath. The stage was dark, the men perched on stools had their backs to you, all roaming eyes cast down over drinks — all except one.

Eddie stood in the middle of it all; hands on hips, damp curls clinging to his neck, chest still heaving from movement and stress. He locked eyes with you, and you could feel relief in his sigh from the apron of the hallway.

Your smile was a shy, timid thing, blooming to a helpless grin as the softness of his features heightened into focus with each progressive step. As the distance between you closed to less than a foot.

“Hey,” he breathed like a soft apology.

“Hey,” you answered, like you always did. A nervous crackle of anticipation wound through your gut.

“I um,” Eddie wrung a hand behind his neck, flashing a dark tuft of hair that made the animal in you stir. “I need to cool down,” he admitted with a raw, candid urgency. He patted his pockets. “I’m gonna step out for a cigarette… if you… wanna…” he nodded toward the back hall. 

Yes. Anything, the animal growled. You simply nodded and went to grab your coat. 

Eddie snatched the heap of leather from the railing by the stage and draped it over his arm. He ushered you forward with a sweep of his palm through the air, catching your eyes with a softness that threatened the strength of your knees. A giggle escaped you — honest, uncontrollable, automatic. Clutching your arm with a coyness that surprised even yourself, you shuffled in front of him, the towering presence of his closeness like a tingle at your back, a safety in the thud of heavy boots behind you. 

The night air was a cold refreshment, a sobering reprieve from the hot, smoke-dense air of The Hideout. Your lungs helped themselves, filling to the brim, releasing just a little of the tension that was mounting before you arrived. It left you in a thick fog, drifting out into the empty patio, catching the glow from the singular bulb posted by the door. Eddie pulled it shut with a soft thud and shrugged on his coat in a rattle of zippers and chains.

Silence. A howl of the wind through naked limbs. A sigh that left both of you at once. 

Eddie dipped his head in subtle reverence as he crossed in front of you, placing his hands on the short, wooden fence to your right. He paused a second, drawing a deep breath before spinning around to face you, hands splayed in an open plead. “I am so fucking sorry.”

Your mouth hung open. “A-about what?”

He ran a hand through his hair with a ragged sigh. “About Bill, about how I acted, a-about…” he swallowed, “what I said…”

An O trembled on your lips but never made it out. “It’s fine, really—”

“It’s…it’s not. It’s just that,” he huffed, “Bill was hitting on you a-and you just looked so uncomfortable and…” it drove him fucking crazy. It lit his blood on fire. It made him want to grab a man who’d bought him countless drinks by the collar and ram him into the wall. 

You stepped closer, close enough to see the whites of his eyes in the darkness, the shadow of his pinching brow. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t stir something in you. Hearing those words. Hearing the ones he said now in profuse apology. “Eddie,” you soothed.

He closed his eyes; a split-second relish of his name on your lips. “It—” he sighed. “It wasn’t cool, to say that…” he shook his head before meeting your eyes in soft earnestness, “in public.”

The breath froze in your lungs. Out here the world fell away to the rustle of trees, to a darkness that cloaked you like a blanket. You were alone. Truly alone. A question tugged at your heart, twinged on the tip of your tongue but felt still too bold to leave it. What would he say, then, in private? 

It played out like a tape behind his eyes — the curl of Bill’s fingers around your hand. It was such a simple gesture, benign outside of context. Yet there was something deeper, something that wound like a serpent through his gut. It struck, and stung, that in one fell swoop, Bill had touched as much of you as he had. That Bill could do as much in public as he could only manage beneath a shadow. 

“Anyway, now that… that’s out of the way,” Eddie shook his head as he fumbled with the zipper of his pocket, curls feathering his delicate cheekbone, gaze cast down in weakly hidden shame. He procured a box of cigarettes, thumb flipping it open with an ease earned by years of habit. Popping one into his mouth, he paused before snapping it shut. “Y-you want one?” he mumbled. It seemed rude not to ask, but the question felt dumber by the second as it hung in the air. You were good. Good like 6 AM coffee, like the early morning sun. Good like the buttons on a crisp, white blouse. Yet here he stood, hand extended, offering what little he could — an experience.

Goodness was a mantle. A weight that kept your shoulders back, your lips pressed tight, your head cast down, your feet in slippers, your curtains drawn. Eddie Munson stood beside you, rugged and regal like a dark knight, arm outstretched in humble offering. With hesitance, you eyed the invitation. 

Out here you could be anything — a vagabond, a runaway, a princess escaped from her castle. A woman who spends Tuesday nights at dive bars and smokes cigarettes with men in leather jackets. Anything you wanted. 

You wanted to taste it. You wanted the flame, and the smoke, and the raw, ragged air that wound through your lungs and left like a beacon that soared toward the sky.

You wanted to be bad for him, and so you accepted.

The cigarette almost dropped from Eddie’s mouth in shock. He fumbled another from the box before tucking it into his back pocket. With a flourish, bending in its presentation as if it were a single rose, he offered it to you. 

Never in a million years could you have imagined it. You, in a position like this. Him, in a position like that. Least of all that it would be so wildly romantic.

You accepted with the tips of your fingers, your index and middle, brushing ridges of his knuckles with feather-light indulgence. They closed around the offering, pausing for an aching second before drawing away with it. 

Eddie closed his eyes, so quickly he could have masked it as a blink, but you caught it. The sigh, the swallow, the batting open with a burning hunger as he relished in the barest fulfillment of what he’d been craving since he saw you this morning — to touch you.

The cold nipped at your knuckles as you took in the foreign sensation between them, admiring it like a sinful adornment under the moonlight.

With a flick of his thumb, the parentheses of his mouth lit up in a warm glow. He took a few quick puffs, smoke billowing from his nose and the corners of his lips before taking a long drag. Satisfaction exited his lungs in a deep sigh, a billow that rose toward the twinkling sky. He turned his attention back to you. “Here,” he offered gently, beckoning you closer with a gentle come hither motion, readying his lighter.

You held your hand out gingerly, willing the trembling of your fingers to cease with little success. 

Eddie closed in, bringing a finger to his lips as a gentle suggestion. “Put it in your mouth,” he said, unable to suppress the boyish grin that surfaced from the words. 

You did as he told you, held it in your smirk, searched for your next instruction in the depth of his eyes but found only delight. Delight in the whole sight of you; the way it dimpled the swell of your lips, in the attention of those dutiful shoulders, like you wanted to be good at misbehaving. Delight in the fact he was teaching you something.

Eddie leaned closer. “Like this,” he instructed softly, framing his own with his long, ruddy digits before taking a quick drag. Obediently, you mirrored him, like a natural smoker would, like they did in the movies and inside the bar. 

The flame ignited between you, flickering in the wild wind. Eddie cupped it with his other hand, forming a shield with the curve of his knuckles — gentle and protective. The fire caught the tip of the slender roll, but his palm was far more captivating. Inches from your face, you could study it closer than ever, plush and glowing — the broad heart line, the soft meat of its heel. 

A deep inhale had smoke ghosting over your tongue. Eddie pulled away to reveal the ember and you took your cue. The drag you took, long and determined, left you coughing. 

Eddie couldn’t suppress his chuckle, couldn’t mask the crinkle of his eyes as you—from behind the big desk and before the big board—were swallowed in a clumsy cloud of smoke.

“Are you laughing at me?” you asked through a giggle of your own.

Like oxygen to a flame, his laughter only brightened.  “I’m sorry, you’re just… so…”

“So…what?” You gave him a look, trying to suck your dignity back through the end of the cigarette. 

A million words ached on the tip of his tongue. The wind ripped across the small, frozen field, shyly disappearing in the treeline. Out here there were no bells, no footsteps, no concrete walls to listen. Eddie watched those fingers of yours pull away from your lips, blow a billow toward the open sky, and one in a million came tumbling out.

“Beautiful.” 

A puff retreated back through your lips, froze in your lungs. The truth hung like smoke in the cold night air, rolled around in your chest, warmed your body from head to toe. Eddie plugged his mouth with another draw to prevent more from slipping out. 

There was space for the truth out here. Space like a vacuum, vast and quiet. A shyly muttered “Thank you,” was all you could manage to fill it with.

Eddie raked his fingers through the damp curls at the nape of his neck, cheeks pinking visibly, even in the dim glow of the single light on the other side of the patio. He leaned against the fence and met your eyes again, nervous breath rolling over his plush lips.

His movement, like a magnet, drew your feet across the pavement. Deeper into the shadows with the gentle pull of his eyes. The tobacco settled in your body with a comfortable heaviness as you drank him in, and you suddenly grasped the appeal.

Out here he seemed even taller, shoulders stacked over slender hips as he leaned into the fence, an ease that washed over him with each generous draw, like the stress was rolling off into the shadows. Out here he took on a different posture, different than the one under fluorescent lights. Different than the one in the small chair next to you, the one with hunched shoulders and downcast eyes.

You tapped the ash of the cigarette off with your finger, like a natural smoker would. He smirked at the gesture, and you caught the twinge of pride in it this time. 

Out here he could be anything. He could be clever and daring; a roguish enchanter. A man who casts spells with his fingers and charms with his words. Anything he wanted.

He wanted to make your eyes light up. 

Eddie took another drag, hollowing his cheeks before sending out smoke in deliberate puffs with his tongue. It left his mouth in rings, hovering in the gap between you before drifting across the patio.

He got what he wanted. A gasp left your lips, eyes twinkling brighter than the stars. “What?! I didn’t know people could actually do that!” You exclaimed, delighted like a child on Christmas.

Eddie blew the rest off to the side and returned a blinding smile. It was more satisfying than the cigarette — the fact that he could do it, make your face light up. The fact that he had the power.

“How do you do that?” you asked, ever inquisitive.

His instructions were simple; take a big drag, hollow your cheeks, make the shape with your mouth, and push the smoke out with your tongue. Simple enough, from the sound of it.

Your first attempt failed, miserably. Uproariously.

“The shape is critical,” he reminded through a chuckle, “it’s gotta be like, a perfect O, not an oval.” His eyes lingered over your lips as you tried his suggestion, struggling to will his mind away from the gutter.

Your smile made it hard to maintain. “Wait—wait, hold on I think I got it.” You tried again with great focus, sending out puffs with your tongue that looked nothing like rings. It was worth it though. Worth making a fool of yourself for the amusement that colored his face, for the bright laughter it earned you. “Ok, fine. Maybe not.”

It looked good on him, just like it did on stage. This knowing that drew his shoulders back, made him lean with a powerful ease. The knowing that he was really good at something, that he could show you.

“It’s a bit advanced,” he said with a wink before taking another deep drag. He puffed a ring and cast it forward with a push of his hand, like a spell through the air. It broke on your nose and you relished in the soft sensation of his life-force ghosting over your face. 

It was all you could do just to look at him — rugged and regal in the way that only he could be. It was dangerous and thrilling; how alone you were right now. His aura pulled you closer, eyes tugging at those burning questions, serious questions at war with your lingering buzz. You broke the silence with the truth; soft and sincere. “You’re insanely talented, I hope you know that.” 

The curve of his lashes dipped shyly with a little puff through his nose. They raised with a sparkle that cut through the darkness. “Thanks, it uh… comes a lot easier to me than chemistry.” He tapped off his ash on the pavement.

You tucked your free hand into your pocket with a bashful shuffle of your feet. “Well, good thing rockstars don’t need to know chemistry then.”

Eddie scoffed and gave his eyes a quick roll, unsuccessful at hiding the brilliance of his smile. Heat crept up his neck, and he soothed it with a wring of his hand.

There was a gap between you; a space you were too scared to breach. The two of you filled it with shy chatter as your cigarettes dwindled to nubs. It was easy, to talk to him. About music, about anything. Easy because you gave each other turns to take it; the space. It almost made it easy to forget who you were to each other before you came out here, who you would go back to being tomorrow.

The cold was wicked and relentless; biting at your knuckles as you tapped the last ash. Even the tobacco’s heavy warmth sinking to your feet couldn’t stave it off. It was a Tuesday night in December, and the wind made sure to remind you. 

Eddie followed your eyes toward the door. “It’s ok,” he reassured. “Nobody comes out here. We’re safe.”

His words sparked a tingle in your chest, a pulse of heat; low and thrumming. Neither could halt the shiver that seized your limbs. 

“You ok?” he asked gently, stepping close enough to almost feel the heat from him.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You blew on your hands, rubbing them together feebly to fight the cold. You were stubborn to surrender, determined not to end your stolen moment by succumbing. 

It was all he could do just to look at you. You, shaking like a leaf in the wind. You, with longing eyes and trembling lips. You, with your soft skin and softer soul. His fingers burned, wrestled with the silence, and the distance, and the howl of the wind through the trees. They warred with the ticking clock, with the chill against his precious moment, with the threat of it winning. Suddenly his fingers—bolder than they’ve ever been in his life—twitched to animation. They toyed with the cold metal zipper at his neck, and in one decided tug, he opened up for you. “Here,” he offered. 

You froze, more than the cold could ever manage, as you eyed the invitation — the warm leather cave, the exposure of his heaving chest. Your lips parted but words would not come. You wanted it — the heat, the tight embrace, to be wrapped in his aura, to feel his laughter with your palms. 

Your noble mind as it cast its disapproval like a shadow toward your heart, but your hands and feet were deaf to it. Boots shuffling boldly against the rough pavement, they filled the gap between his. You accepted with the tips of your fingers, delicate and tentative, like his skin was a hot iron and yours at risk to burn. You watched them disappear into the darkness, felt the soft cotton warmth as it enveloped you. With trembling slowness, you traced the divots of his ribcage, settled into them like grooves, felt him gasp into your palms when the ice that you’d become found the velvet, heated skin under his arms.

“Sorry—”

“Hah—hmm—no-no it’s ok,” he grimaced, pinning your hands beneath his arms to stop your recoil, as if the pain of the freeze hurt less than the pain of its absence. “I—ah—I asked for this.” His chuckle was a warm vibration, a flutter as the cage which housed his heart contracted. 

A shiver racked your body as you thawed. Whether it was nerves, or fear, or the chill that had settled deep in your bones long before you stepped foot outside, you were helpless to control it.

“Come ‘ere,” he breathed with equal care and need.

You submitted, tracing his contours as he pulled you closer — head against his solid shoulder, into the soft pillow of his hair, into the source of his scent: leather and tobacco and the sweet, salty musk of his skin. You closed your eyes and basked in it, nose buried in his curls, drawing in deeply to steady your rattling chest. 

Broad palms splayed across the fabric of your coat, pulling you deep into the comfort of his heat, tracing your waist to settle in a place they burned to be — your lower back. “It’s ok, you’re ok,” he murmured into your hair, bracing you tightly as your whole body shook.

You could have died here, buried yourself in his arms and made him your tomb. They would find you in the morning; frozen like a sculpture. Left out for all of Hawkins to see, to point and say terrible things. It wouldn’t matter. You would have died happy.

His heart was pounding with disbelief. You, here, in his arms. You could feel it through your coat, hammering against your chest, into your palms at his back. Eddie felt your breathing slow, your body soften and relax. He crooked his forearm firmly to your back, to the place where it belonged, fingers curling like a cage around your waist. Out here he could be anything — strong and stable, a haven for your tired bones to rest. Anything, for you.

In the dark leather cave there was a landscape for your hands to study. The satin liner grazed your knuckles as your hands explored the angles of his shoulder blades with tentative slowness — down along the muscles of his back, the dip of his spine, the birdcage of his ribs; expanding and contracting, deep and steady. 

He was real, here, in your arms. Two swelling lungs. One beating heart. Two hands that clutched the wool barrier between you. One solid shield of a chest. One humming column at your cheek. Eddie Munson; wildfire. Close enough to thaw you. Close enough to burn you to the ground.

Your hands settled at the slim taper of his waist. Pliant and yielding under soft cotton, swelling with each ocean breath. His cage around you tightened, and you breathed him in, felt him swallow, felt his hips slot against the groove of yours with sensed belonging.

The animal in you keened with curiosity, emboldened by the dark. Your hands wouldn’t dare beyond the roadblock of his belt, but they would move in slow strokes up and down his back. A gentle comfort, a mask for your indulgence.

A quiet moan rose up in him, one he couldn’t swallow. The best he could do was cloak it in a sigh. It hummed against your ear; your cheek so close to the crook of his neck you could almost taste it. You breathed him in again, lips pressed to his soft curls against tough leather as the smoke, and musk, and crisp night air filled your lungs. 

His hands were less patient; dipping toward the slope of your hips, pawing at thick wool, thumbs drawing aching circles there. It earned an arch from your back, a grasp from your hands at the soft cotton barrier. 

There was an animal in him too, preening at the cant of your hips, at the rub of your neck against his. With a dip of his chin he could sink his teeth in, but his noble mind willed it away, settled for the scent of you instead — soft like powder, warm and inviting. The heels of your palms drifted toward his belly, and the animal threatened to rear below his belt.

“Ah,” it leapt out his throat.

Hands freezing before reaching the healthy swell, you drew back from his shoulder, checking in. Your lids hung with visible weight, pupils blown by more than just the lack of light, dizzy from his touch. He could do that with his hands, he thought; a split-second revel before concern sobered your features.

His disappointment was palpable, like he’d burst some great bubble. “Mm—no, it’s fine, please—” please don’t stop. His arms around you tightened, eyes pleading with words he wasn’t bold enough to utter, even in the darkness.

A shadow of guilt fell across your face. Guilt for your greedy hands, for your lost control, for your bad behavior. It was a pitiful sight; worse than the one he saw yesterday. Worse because it was here. Worse because he was closer than he’d ever been before.

There was a gap between you; space for the cold to seep between your hearts. Space for the fear that he’d broken the spell. That you didn’t see him anymore, but your student instead. 

You thumbed his soft cotton shirt, buried in the shelter of his coat. Eddie Munson — frenetic and compelling. Beautiful in the way that wild things are. Breathing life into your numb hands with each  ragged swell. You studied him closely; his soft cupid’s bow, his pink, plush pout, the angles of his worried jaw, the pining in his eyes.

Want. A wild, elusive thing. A summer wind. An admission at a cost. Want didn’t budge. Want looked you dead in the eyes and tightened its grip.

Eddie knew what he wanted, burning like a question on his tongue. He knew he had to be the one to ask. He was terrified — of the question, of the asking, of the fact that he may never get another chance. Your hands grappled with it, clung like they feared he would vanish. He felt the ache in them, the want, the fear, the frustration. It opened up a narrow passage, and he entered with the boldest thing he had ever done.

He asked you with his forehead first. A gentle nod forward; the softest collision. A tickle of curls. A rock back and forth of his strong, sturdy brow. A smile even you couldn’t hide. Your hands released, settled at the dip of his back in quiet permission.

He asked you with the bridge of his nose. A delicate slope. A tender nuzzle. Rigid bone under soft flesh. Cold, round tip. Roaming the map of yours with heated intention as he swayed like a dance in the moonlight. You closed your eyes, surrendered to the fantasy. Felt the heat of his cheek, the pang of his palm at your back as he pulled you closer.

He asked you with a tilt of his chin, and brought time to a halt.

There was a gap between you. A fractional distance bridged by the ghost of his breath. Within it; every party that you never went to, every basement you were never led away from, every page you never shared, every experience you never had. Goodness was a mantle, heavy from a lifetime on your shoulders. 

What did freedom taste like? The question brushed across your lips like a warm invitation. You were desperate for the answer. Wanted it more than anything, ever, in your whole entire life. Wanted it for you, for only you. For once.

Eddie asked the question. You closed the gap. 

A sigh left both of you at once. One you could taste this time, humming against the plush cradle of his lips. Freedom could have melted you. It threatened the strength of your knees, but his arms were stronger. Locked against each other in the shadows you borrowed, your lips began to explore, to express every secret wish the two of you had dreamt apart. 

Freedom tasted tentative at first. A slow drag of his lips, a languid slip that rippled to the dormant parts of you. Catching like tinder as they grazed over yours, hot with an ache you could taste. It was sinfully exquisite; tasting the curve of his smile, the hyper-real rasp of his stubble as those lips—the ones that shot you smirks from down the hall and spilled over with song—found a rhythm with yours. Broad palms clutched the wool at your waist like you’d slip through a crack if he didn’t hold on.

Freedom was slick. It tasted like cigarettes, like a thousand unsaid words ushered past the border of your mouth. You could taste every one on his tongue, soothed them with the slickness of yours. Every aching word, dripping in each soft caress. Diving like a dance, echoed in the soft, wet smacks when you parted. You devoured them like you were starving. Every sigh, every hum, every color that left his lungs slipped eagerly down your throat. 

The wool at your back was a nuisance. Eddie pawed at it, desperate to feel the shape of you through the fabric, to store it in the vault of his mind, to play with it later in private. He halted his hands at your hips, willed them decent, rationed with the small working part of his brain that your lips would have to be enough. He relished in the way you accepted him. The way you spread for him, parting eagerly for his tongue. The way your lips closed around him, rocking as he prodded like you’d done it before. Like you wanted to elsewhere. 

The spell was broken. The line, miles away. There was a hunger in you, sudden and surprising, roused by the very first taste. Eddie palmed your hips with an urgency that stirred you. Like a bear in the spring, thawed by the heat of his touch, you devoured him. Devoured him with the wholeness of your splayed hands, tracing up his pounding ribs, dragging across the expanse of his broad chest. It heaved under your touch; solid muscle under soft cotton. You devoured his moan; a hot, strangled thing that escaped his plush lips. Like a match to the strip your tongue, you ignited. 

His hands lost their patience. Breaking from your waist, they dove behind your ears to cradle your face. Your face. Your jaw, your delicate cheeks he caressed with the rough pads of his thumbs, as if the swell of them—the rigid bones under soft skin, the absolute realness of you in his arms—could wake him from the dream he was surely having. He was tasting you, tasting the want on your tongue. More satisfying than a four course meal, more satisfying than anything he’d ever tasted in his life. You wanted him. More than that, you savored him; the taste of his hot, eager tongue as it slipped against yours.

Freedom was delicious. Bold and complex, acrid and rich. Full bodied. A smooth, sweet finish. You could have drowned in it. Drowned in the angles of his hands, in his tender strokes, in the sopping heat of his mouth. Drowned in his eager sighs, in his scent. Drowned completely if he hadn’t held your head above the surging waves. 

Eddie was good like a midnight snack. Good like a wide open road. He was good at this. Good at knowing how to ask and answer. Good at at finding the rhythm of you. 

You broke for air, stilling against the bridge of his nose, afraid to look him in the eyes just yet, to break away from the safety his shadow provided. Safe from the world, safe from consequences, safe from the thoughts that battered at the door of your mind. Safety was fragile and fleeting. You knew it, he knew it. Your breath mingled in hot bursts as you steadied your spinning world for a quiet moment together. You felt him smile—heard it—big and bright as it cracked across his face. The air stung your cheeks when he took his hands away. Leaning back against the fence, he tugged you closer, further into the safety of the shadows, enveloping you in the crook of his heat. 

It was good like this — the angles of you and the angles of him, fitting like they always belonged. It felt safe to explore them, to paint his pounding chest, down the soft swell of his belly, stopping at his hips. With a thick bob of his Adam’s apple, he closed the gap again. It was chaste this time, peppering your lips with space to breathe between each kiss. They were slow and savory, steady and sure. They lingered long enough for you to get another taste, to capture that plush Cupid’s bow and let it melt across yours, to flick your tongue over his soft bottom lip and taste him there too. 

You could taste his need when he greeted your tongue with his own. It was safe to show it here. Safe to let the animal inside him bare its teeth. Safe to let the animal in you do the same. It growled when he nipped at you, hooked its claws through his belt loops and tugged. It was a quick, testing thing, and your sound let him know that he passed. He lapped it up hungrily, soothed it before inflicting another.

It ached in a frightening way, in that deep, low place. Throbbed awake with each delicious bite. It scared you how quickly the path was veering south, but the pooling warmth encouraged his travels, let him go wherever he wanted. When his lips strayed far enough to track your jaw, a shrinking voice shrieked danger, but the rest of you simply submitted. 

Claws braced denim and leather, offering yourself with a tip of your head. Reverently, he accepted, setting his pace with a dizzying slowness. He worshiped you with every latch, every press, every lingering smack, darting his tongue out to taste the forbidden angles of your jaw. It was greedy but good. To him, to you. Letting go this much. Letting him go this far. The trail cooled in the night air, and he settled at the precipice of your neck.

His breath alone was enough to melt you; heavy with the weight of his new position. Heavy with desire, with the weight of thousand fantasies he never thought would come to pass. He drank in the cocktail of your scent; concentrated, warm, deliciously real. In the throws of your own heaving chest, sobered just barely by the pregnant pause, you awoke to your position: open, vulnerable, completely at his mercy. 

He tasted your swallow, felt your breath hitch when his warm, wet tongue found your pulse. Lathing there a moment, lingering and slow, he savored you. Savored the ridges of your neck, the way your head lolled to the side, like a feast laid out for him. He stored the image in his mind, packaged it carefully for when he would surely be starving again. His lips soothed where his tongue left off, over and over until your strangled sound stirred a fiending hunger. He bared his teeth, and you shattered. 

Freedom was falling apart in his arms. Crumbling into pieces and letting him grapple you whole. Letting him capture you in his maw and lap up your ruin. Letting him, letting him. His teeth dragged dull and slow, tingling every waking cell, turning you to putty completely. He dragged a moan out of you. A full one, loud and clear. He tucked it away, buried it deep alongside your squirms and your touch. 

The door opened.

Cold air shocked your lungs. Head snapping over your shoulder, you broke his latch and Eddie hissed a curse at the separation. With daggers, you both assessed the intruder. 

The silhouette of his cap gave him away. He might have even kept on walking but the gasps and the shuffling feet made him turn. “Oh shit,” Bill flinched back in surprise. “Sorry man I thought you left.”

Eddie’s arm tightened instinctively, pulling you as close as he wanted to earlier. Reflexively, you pushed away. It was a strange tug of war — his pride and your fear. “Yeah—no we’re still here,” he snapped.

You swallowed your pounding heart, sobering completely under Bill’s gaze. Suddenly your claws retracted, your hands felt wrong where they rested, shame bit at your neck along the cooling trail he left behind. 

Even in the backlit glow of the singular light, you saw it painted clearly on his features — the judgement, the disbelief, the questions rising up but not daring to come out. “Well um, sorry to interrupt. Have a good night,” Bill said with an awkward raise of his hand before making quickly for the parking lot. 

Footsteps faded over gravel and left a silence in their wake, thicker than the stillness from before. 

Eddie breathed a sharp sigh through his nostrils, brows lowered as he seethed toward the parking lot. The cold was setting in again. Your nose, and ears, and fingers stung with it. The rest of you stung worse; chest numbing, caving like a can under the weight of what you’d just done. 

When the flick of distant headlights made you brave enough to face him, frustration painted his features. He pawed at your coat, desperate to salvage what he could of his precious moment. “Anyway, where were we?” he muttered, eyeing your neck with a tilt of his head like he was about to dive in again. 

Your hand at his chest stopped him, and the look in his eyes was wounding. “Eddie,” you warned softly. A slow, heavy sigh left his nose, one you could feel with your palm. “I need to go.”

Crestfallen after a desperate, hesitant second, his arms went slack. Your hand dropped, leaving a fierce chill behind. One more, his lips begged, but struggled to release. Please. 

It hurt, to crumble like this after all you had built. With the roar of Bill’s engine, the fantasy shattered around you. The carriage became a pumpkin, your gown turned into rags. Shrill bells rang out in the distance, coming surely as the sun would rise. Pinballs thundered as that sweet oval face—the one from the back of the room and the chair next to yours—pouted with lips still swollen from where you had broken your contract. 

“I’m sorry,” you mouthed. 

Gathering himself with a deep breath, he straightened to a dignified height, conviction filling the cracks in his composure. “I’m not.” 

It was terrifying — the prospect, the consequences. What it meant for you, for him, for the world you’d have to face tomorrow. 

Most terrifying of all was how good it felt to hear him say.

______

A/N: Thank you all for your patience on this one. It took me nearly all summer to finish but I'm really proud of how it turned out. Please let me know what you think! I've missed hearing from and connecting with all of you. Next one won't take nearly as long, I promise. 💕

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[kaz11283]

Only One God For Me

(Part 2 of Love Never Wins)

SUMMARY: After blowing up at him afyer weeks of hiding out you challenge Loki to hand to hand. Blowing up might have been the best thing, it could help you let off that frustration you had built up.

Characters: Nat, Clint, Thor, Loki, avengers on the side line.

(Loki x you, clint x you, Thor x you, Nat x you)

ANNOUNCEMENT: I didnt know how much part 1 was going to be but I am forever greatful in this amazing community! Thank you guys SO much! Check out my other stuff too if you like this. As always reblog, ask, comment, and like! After I finish up here I'll be back to writing for Fire and Ice. Thank you again so SO much for everything! 💚💚💚

Loki Master List

~~~~

You and Nat were standing at one end of the training area as Loki walked in. You glanced up from Nat wrapping your hands and noticed he was wearing his normal traing gear. Plain leather black pants with a dark green Henley, his hands already wrapped.

"Focus, your getting distracted." She said yanking on one of the straps.

"Ow. I cant help it Nat, we went from cant keep our hands away from each other to literally fist fighting each other. Ya know this is normally frowned upon is normal society." You streched your fingers out and balled them back up streching out the gloves a little.

"Hunny, even in a perfect world were anything but normal. I mean for god sakes your fighting a literal god. You remember what I taught you. Right?" She asked looking almost terrified for me.

"Yes mother, I havent forgotten. This is gonna be a piece of cake." Inside you were freaking out. You normally was in a very high spot with your bow or normally trying to break into the computers. You wasnt normally in hand to hand combat, but you were smarter than to think you would never need it.

You turned shaking you head and putting the mouth piece in your mouth. Hitting you fist together jumping back and forth getting ready. Loki just stood there smirking. You was gonna smack that smirk off his face.

"Hey sis, Im not saying you cant beat him just be careful. He throws a nasty left hook." Clint said munching on some chips."Thanks, Hawk. Mind explaining why the rest of the team is here?" You mumbled around the mouth piece.

"Thor, definitely Thor." He said walking back to the small group that gathered.

"Sweetheart. Are we gonna fight or are you just gonna stand there chit chatting?" He called across the mat.

"I'm coming." You walked across the mat to the center. Someone hit a bell signaling for the fight to start and he jumped toward you. You dodged his first attemped and circled him slowly. You could read his every move, read where he was going next.

You took a defence stance that Nat had taught you from your training before he lunged again. This time you managed to upper cut him in the side knocking some of the wind from him.

"Oh you little minx. I figured I would take it easy on you but we can play your way also." This time he took a step back centering himself. Looking up you noticed he had a dangerous look in his eye.

"I didnt invite you here to take it easy on me, I invited you because you dont take anything serious. Because if someone like me can beat you in hand to hand then anyone can." You stepped closer to him gauging what move you was going to make next.

He dropped down to the mat attempting to sweep your legs out from under you, he missed one but caught the other causing you to fall. He jumped on top of you pinning your hands above your head. "Now this positions brings back memories." He whispered to you causing your face to turn bring red. You brought your leg up able to wrap it around his waist and slammed him back down to the mat gaining some advantage.

"This one also." He smirked. You raised your fist above you aiming for his face. Whem you brought it down he moved his head causing you to miss. It felt like forever that you were both on the mat neither one gaining aginst the other. A busted lip here a bloody nose there. When the bell rang for a break Nat was in your corner with Clint offering you some water and a rag ti wipe the blood off.

"Sis, I'm try in real hard not to grab an arrow and stabe him with it." Clint said from one side. You could see anger in his eyes.

"Hawk, its fine. Given the circumstance its all good. Its just training in a matter of speaking. Anger is mostly wunning but I got this. I was trained by the best. I'm not even tired." You took another drink of water before going back out to the mat.

"This is fun. I have never seen my brother trying harder to win anything in his life." Thor shouted across the room. "Lady y/n is quite good at sparing. We must fight sometime." Thor laughed.

A few more rounds when and you could feel the weight of the afternoon but you wasjt about to simply throw in the towel just yet. You knew you could get the best of him. You had thrown him back on the mat then he took his feet placing them on your chest shoving you off of him. Before you knew it you were surrounded by multipuls of him.

"Loki we agreed no sedair! This is cheating!" You yelled at them.

"God of Mischief and lies sweetheart. Besides we're in weird predicaments all the time. You said so yourself. Tell you what. You find the real me and I'll forfeit." One of the clones said. You stood up in the middle of them all focusing everything you had on concentrating, ignoring Clint yelling in the background and the rest of the group shouting.

You opened your eyes zeroing in on one closest to you and walked up to him.

"Are you sure your right about this decision?" It mocked.

"Yeah. I think I am." You brought the ball of yoyr fist up crashing it into Loki's nose. The rest of the clones disappered as he fell to his knees in front of you. "You are a complete and utter asshole Loki Odinson. I hope that it messes with you for a while that you got beat by a mortal." You started unwrapping your gloves as you walked away.

Over the next few weeks you avoided every living space in the tower that you knew he would be in. It had truly hurt you that he had cheated during the fight. You still couldnt understand how just months before you couldn't keep your hands off of each other now you were both avoiding each other like the plague.

"Miss y/n. Team has a mission. Tony wants everyone in the confrence room dressed and ready in 15 minutes." JARVIS called pausing your movie. With a roll of your eyes you walked to your bedroom to start getting ready. Pulling out your tight skinny jeans a black tank top and your zip up hoodie you French braided your hair and grabbed your bow case before heading down.

The rest of the team was gathered when you walked in and placed your case on the table opening it up to make sure everything was right. Streching out the strings and making sure the sights were spot on aiming them to the other side of the room where Loki stood.

"It would be more effecitve if you had an arrow." Clint whispered next to you.

"Shut up, I'm just making sure everything is right." You put it back down in the case and started going over your arrows.

"You realize we have a place you can put that when your not using it." Tony said walking around you.

"Right up your ass if you suggest that again." You laughed putting everything back up.

"Love the enthusiasm kid." Tony laughed walking to the front of the table.

"Ok Team, going to be a long few days for us. Just got some Intel about a caravan carrying some explosives across the Scandinavian border. Gonna have to divide into teams for this one. Hawk, Nat, Strange, Rodgers, Bruce, and Thor you'll be starting at the meeting point and working your way toward us. The rest is with me." Tony pulled a map up on the big screen showing where you wwre going.

"Oh come on, why cant I be with the A team?" You asked with a groan.

"Sorry kid, gotta divide it up right. One god for each, one Archer. Only fair. And even if you two hate each other you guys work good together." Tony shrugged.

"Yeah sorry kid." Clint laughed.

"Hey I'm a full three minutes older that you. Probably explains why I'm better. Whatever. I'll go pack my stuff." You huffed standing up.

The next two hours seems to drag by, it was freezing here. You was just ready to get this over with so that you could go back home and relax in a nice warm bath, you pulled your jacket tighter aginst you.

"I've told you many times that you should start wearing the uniform that they gave you. You'll freeze to death one day." Loki said taking off his cloak and putting it around your shoulders.

"Thanks, but I'm still pissed at you." You hugged it closer. "I hate the whole uniform thing. To tight to revealing."

Another few minutes pass before Tony gives everyone the heads up that your about to be over the caravan. Figuring you were warm enough you took the cloak off and handed it back to him. "You may still be pissed at me but I do still care very deeply for you y/n. I was an idiot for everything." He took it and wrapped it around his shoulders. When his fingers grazed yours there was a surge that went through you.

"Give me time. You really hurt me, not just by breaking up with me but by lying to me during training. Good luck out there God of Mischief."

"Tony, your gonna have to get lower i cant get a clear shot on the driver!" You yelled over the wind whipping around your face. About that time a diffrent arrow shot through gettkng the driver in the side causing the vehicle to completly stop.

"Gotta be faster than that sis. One for me." Clint laughed over the com.

"You are my least favorite person right now Hawk." You mumbled. Tony brought the Quinn Jet down so your team could spread out.

"That is truly saying something my dear." Lokis smooth voice said in your ear.

"You gave me your cloak to keep me warm. Gave you a fell points." You pulled back again and shot it through the truck behind the first hitting the driver in the head. "Got one, Hawk, your next."

"Can we cut the chatter. Got alot going on in the sky at the moment." Tony said. Youbcould here something firing above you looking up you could see Tony being followed by a jet firing at him. "Need some back up guys. Twins. Anyone."

"Hawk. I need a Boom Boom stick." You met him in the middle of the road.

"I really wish you wouldnt call them that." He said handing you one. You both pulled your bows back and aimed. "Heads or tails?"

"I like the tails." You let go of the sting and watched as the jet exploded.

"I think she can call them whatever she wants as long as she keeps doing a good job keeping bogies off my ass." Tony yelled over the coms.

"I hate this. I cant see shit down here." You yelled over to Clint. "I gotta get higher." You looked around eyeballing the turnes over truck. You threw the bow across your back and started climbing up the truck. Shots rang around you one grazing your side, before it had started it was like it stopped looking behind you you noticed Loki with his daggers in his hands.

"You need to pay more attention y/n." He scolded you.

"Why pay attention when I have someone keeping an eye out for me." You smiled.

"Oh darling Im doing more than just keeping an eye out." After everything that ass had done to you he was flirting FLIRTING with you.

"Y/N! No. More. Gods." Clint yelled. From here you could see everything going on. Nat fighting two men, you took one out easily from your spot. She shot you a thumbs up. Bruce had hulked out throwing things everywhere, multiple times you had to dodge something flying your way. The fight was almost over when you glanced behind you noticing four men backing Loki aginst a turned over car.

His hands were up as if in surrender. "Loki why arent you using your sedair?" You mumbled pulling the bow back.

"Well darling you could say that I am in on of those weird predicaments. I've exahusted alot of my power down here." His back was aginst the truck now.

"Could let him get beat up." Clint pipped in as you shot one of your last arrows though two of the guys standing there. You watched Loki easily take out the other two.

"Told you Hawk, I'm not like that." You smiled walking over to Loki. "Although you could use a little practice in hand to hand, dont you agree?"

"Only if your the one practicing with me he smailed down at you.

"Ugh! Y/n! No mo-" Clint started before you pulled the com from your ear.

"Only one God for me." You leaned up kissing Loki on the cheek.

~~~~

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@sophlubbwriting

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[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Worthwhile

Summery: After math of battle between Steve, Bucky and Tony. Before arriving in Wakanda. Steve x Bucky x Y/n. Some angsty moments

Word Count: 2307

Done for a challenge by bigbandbombshell. Song BTSK by ms mr and picture the bottom northern lights landscape. 

I found you in pieces you'd been torn apart A million one reasons to end before you start But deep down I knew No matter what in the end, it'd be me and you

Big teeth small kiss I turn to wax and melt like this Melt like this

~ BTSK Lyrics

Zemo had done it

Dismantled the team. 

You had been there when Tony saw the video, Buckys pain crossing over his face when Tony realized it was because of the Winter Solider his parents were murdered. It was cold hearted assassination, as The Winter Solider was known for. No survivors. A stain on Buckys soul you doubted he would ever come to terms with, Steves breath was baited waiting for the drop.

“Tony Tony”

“Did you know”

“I didn't know it was him” 

“DONT BULLSHIT ME ROGERS, DID YOU KNOW?”

Steve paused, then with a single answer he admitted the truth. “Yes”

And thats what resulted to where you were now. Steve had gotten you two out, with damages. Both men were brutally beat all over from Tonys grief, yourself sporting your own scrapes. But he dismantled you early, a hit to your head threatening your senses for now. Holing up in some no name motel in a nearby Siberian town, you woke to find yourself in a dimly lit room, two double beds, shitty wood panneling, dusty curtains blocking out the glare of light, Steve and Bucky looming over you to get you to awaken.

“Ugh, what happened?” Your hand braced against your forehead as you moved to a sit, dropping your face into your hands, as your elbows braced on your knees. A wave of nausea washed over you, threatening to over take you but then it dulled to a numb sensation. Steve squatted in front of you, looking you over momentarily with a grasp of his hands on your face making you focus on his searching eyes.

“You look like your going to be okay.” You snorted in thanks to his assessment, your fingers now tenderly probing to find where you were hit, wincing at the thump. Leave it to Tony to leave a bump on your head. Not your finest moment. Bucky lowered next to you on the edge of the bed, you leaned a bit against his right arm and looked at the two men. “We took out the Ironman suit, Tony wasn't going to stop. Zemo was taken into custody, T’Challa must have followed us when we left Germany.” 

Your eyes turn to Bucky, and you don’t remark on his arm, the man looked defeated and exhausted. Dark marks under his eyes and blossoming bruises starting to form over whatever bare skin showed. You could only imagine the condition of his chest and back. Tonys suit was top of the line defense and weaponry, even against an enhanced. You move to a stand, going into the bathroom, running some hot water in the sink and splash it against your face, cleaning off any of the dried blood. You can hear Steve remark to Bucky that he would be back. Where he was going off to, you didn't know, but trusted whatever he had in mind. Grabbing a towel. You notice that much of Buckys marks are from where he hadn't cleaned up, so you grab some stuff from the limited bathroom and approach him. 

“Let me help you? Should probably see what else needs to be patched up.”

You offer as you approach him, his eyes are shadowed as he looked up “No i’m alright. Don’t worry about me”

You werent gonna give him a choice though, cupping his face and tilting it up so you can get a better look, shaking head. “Sorry, I really wasn't gonna give to much of a choice Buck.”

He didn't argue, remained still as you cleaned up the cuts, but he remarked. “You know that bump to the head didn't change your demeanor much.” You dabbed at his eyebrow carefully. 

“I got a hard head. Its going to take more then a smack to the temple to change who I am. You on the other hand Barnes are in need of stitches.” 

Pushing you back lightly, he got up to go to the bathroom mirror, tilting his face this way and that, shrugging “Eh, I've dealt with worst. I will be fine.” Sure enough that made you sigh. You haven't known Bucky Barnes for long, but he never seemed to think he was worth the effort. 

Steve is guiding the quinjet with the coordinates programmed into the dash, Bucky is sitting across from you “Whats going to happen to your friends?” Bucky asked after being silent for so long. You lift your head to look at him, knowing the sacrifice they all made to get here. “Whatever it is, I will deal with it” Steve says heavily, knowing that the team were now considered enemies and in a maximum gaurded facility. But when Captain says he will deal with it, you know the matter is closed. Bucky flexes his metal arm, its a part of him, but foreign, you see in his face he is regarding it as something that makes him less worthwhile, less of a good man. A perfect solider. “I don’t know if Im worth all this Steve.” Your jaw clenches, you had spent months studying Sgt James  Buchanan “Bucky”  Barnes. His time during the Howling Commandos, the entire time he was in service. Many a night Steve told you stories that could never be found in any paperwork. To see this man think of himself as anything less then worthwhile, bullshit. Steve whipped his head around at this. “What you did all those years, That wasn’t you. You didn’t have a choice” Buckys jaw is set now, completely unforgiving of what was done to him, the testing, brainwashing, torture and whom it made him become. “I know.... But I did it” 

His gaze went to his missing arm, and he cussed under his breath. “This on the other hand is gonna be far more difficult to deal with.” You leaned in against the bathrooms door frame, Your gaze caught his in the mirror, and you smiled at him. “We will figure it out Bucky, this cant be the first time you’ve lost your arm?” He rubbed at the shoulder where the metal and body connected. 

“Actually, it is. Titanium doesn't necessarily wear out. I've never had cause to have it changed out, even after all the experiments.” He sighed as he pushed away from the sink and you stepped back into the hotel room. It was then Steve came back to the room “Alright, this is the plan. T’Challa is going to help us. Being war criminals now, we need to go into hiding, and Wakanda is in his control, borders are up against the rest of the world. You and Bucky are going there. And with the Vibranium.... your arm can be replaced.” Although minutes ago Bucky had seemed upset about the loss of his limb, he showed no emotion to this. Again reverting back to the not worth the effort vibe. “The King isnt out to kill me any longer?” Bucky sounded a bit doubtful, but Steve gave a shake of his head.

“No, he knows the truth now, that you had nothing to do with the bombing.” Steve continued with the plan. “There’s an SUV outside for you two, and heres where you need to rendezvous with T’Challas jet.” handing you a piece of paper, this is the moment you held up a hand as if asking a question, and his brow cocked at you. “Is that necessary Y/n?” 

“Uh yea, since when did CAPTAIN AMERICA STEAL CARS?” 

“Nazi Germany, okay. Its a necessary skill back then, and no I’m not teaching you.”

Bucky grinned, finally, hearing the two of you and whispered loudly to you. “Don;t worry, I will teach you later.” You made a fist pump in victory, smirking at the Captain. Just as quickly as Bucky lightened up, he got serious. “Your going after them Steve.” Steve glanced over the room, but they hadn't had any supplies with them, just Steves captain suit and shield. Underneath it he had on civilian clothes. Hell you were still in the stealth suit you typically dressed in on missions. Steve just looked at Bucky with a set resolve.. 

“I have to. They were only there cause I asked them to be. And we are now considered war criminals, the quicker we can go into hiding the better. I can get in that facility with Natashas help, shes already getting the location.” Honestly you couldn't disagree with his plan. As much as you wanted to be there to get Sam and the rest of them out, you knew the more he had to keep accounted for, the harder it would be for Steve. And Natasha, well this is what she did. She was all about stealth and secrets. Often when the Black Widow was noticed, it was to late. “Okay were all clear on whats happening Y/n and Buck?”

It was hours later, You and Bucky had been driving since leaving the hotel, leaving behind the small village areas and going back out onto the tundra. It would be inconspicuous area for a Wakanda Jet to land, unseen by eyes that could get that info to authorities. You had made yourself comfortable in the passenger seat, watching the passing landscape. It was already starting to get dark, leaving the inner cab in the shadows at this point. You really should say something, Bucky had been so quiet the entire ride, jaw set as if he had been clenching his teeth.

“What are you thinking Buck?” 

His eyes never left the road. His hand clenched tightly around the wheel. “thinking about what a shit show this has turned into. All of this because of me. Steve shouldn't have ever come for me.” 

“What? Bucky I’m calling that bullshit” your arms folding over your chest. You had to, hearing him was making you anger now, wanting just reach right over and throttle that man. If the roles were reversed, you know he would have gone head first with disregard for his safety for Steve. You hated all of them, all the organizations who changed Bucky into this man who couldn't see anything worthwhile about himself. 

He rolled his shoulder. “You asked Y/n, You know for damn sure Steve wouldn't be known as a war criminal right now if he just stayed out of it. Or any of you either. Not signing those accords, fine. Thats standing behind your convictions, and understandable. But coming to save me. No, it wasn't worth that.” 

At this point, you don’t even have the words to explain to him how wrong he was. In between a point in crying since you were tired from the days past events and now this. More then you were willing to just let slide. You sputter out “James  Barnes, pull this fucken car over. RIGHT. NOW” Buckys eyes widen in shock at this outburst, he hit the brake, bringing the SUV to a stand still in the middle of the road. Your heart rate is thumping heavily in your chest at the rolling tension between you, and you turn in the seat to face him. 

“Y/n jesus christ, whats wrong?” He looked over his shoulder at the backseat, see if anything was wrong, out the windows and back at you. He noticed the color in your face was heightened and your eyes flashed at him in anger. 

“Words will never get through your thick skull will they Barnes. No matter what any of us say. I mean...” Your hands go up in the air, exasperated. Yes, Bucky had been traumatized over the years, and you should be more understanding. But today, your nerves were frayed, going into the unknown, you felt just at a loss in what to do. “You know what, forget trying to tell you, how about I just show you!” 

Catching him completely by surprise, your hands grasp the side of his face and you arch across the cars counsel. Your lips crush against his own, and in his surprise he doesn't move, doesn't respond for a few seconds. But then his arm snakes around your hip, dragging you over to settle in his lap, lips parting to dart tongues around each other. Each trying to take control of it. A hand braces against the back of your head, your hair tangling into his fingers grasping you, tilting it to clash teeth, bruise lips, inhale moans. Fuck James Buchanan  Barnes could kiss. 

Separating, a flush of color rise in Buckys cheeks as he looked away at getting caught in the rush, your hands dropping from his face to his shoulders, sighing and looking down yourself. Your own face hot, unsure of what to say now. He softly broke the silence, when his hand moved off the back of your head and dropped to your thigh folded  along his sides. “You know the last time I saw the northern lights like this was when I was with the Howling Commandos. I was getting in place to cover Steves back when he was about to bust into a bunker. It was just as green.” The warmth of his hand seeped into your thigh, you would not be able to forget the weight, the heat of him. “This though, might be a better way to remember them now.” 

A smile crosses your face as you lean back, the cars wheel pressing into your back as you glance out the window to see what he was talking about. The swirl of the green lights painted the sky into one of the most beautiful moments of your life. “You see, that’s all Bucky speaking. The Winter Solider, he wouldn't have found that in the midst of all this.” With a shift after a few moments, sliding back into your seat just as a jet sliced through the green waves covering the sky. “Put it back in drive Barnes, our rides here.” 

[pfandghoul]

what the sokovia accords really are

a quick study bc what the fuck guys

(copied from the mcu wiki entry about the accords - all of it and not just parts of it)

here goes:

The currently known regulations established by the Sokovia Accords include:

Any enhanced individuals who agree to sign must register with the United Nations and provide biometric data such as fingerprints and DNA samples.

- Any who AGREE to sign. I dont think this is asking too much. If ur working for a government agency, if ur using force in any way during ur work, I think its fair to ask you to give them biometric data. And if its only so in case there is an investigation afterwards (which their always should be imo) its clear distinguishable who was where and did what.

- Also, what if someone suddenly decides "something happened, im changing sides, imma take revenge" (no matter if its a concious decision or brainwashing 👀)? Would probably be good to have some data and perhaps be able to track them. If its managable or not- hm. But theres no harm in giving that data if ur only goal is working towards a safer world.

-----

Those with secret identities must reveal their legal names and true identities to the United Nations.

- Oh nooo, no unknown vigilantes that might make mistakes while fighting on their own and then cant be held accountable? No one is perfect, OF COURSE, but from a realistic pov I wouldnt feel safe with someone running around fighting whoever-

And I know we love the romantic comic fantasy of "everybody can be a hero", and I swear I love it as much as you! But imagine ur just a normal person while spiderman is swinging above ur head- or even imagine ur spiderman- and then one tiny thing wents wrong. The normal person is crushed, dead or paralysed- Spiderman is in shock because that was Not supposed to happen and he is so so sorry!- But what now?

- If enhanced people were to work under an organisation (that is ideally not as shady and riddled with Hydra as Shield was) then those incidents would be covered. Yes it would still be terrible but Spiderman would get mandatory therapy session to work through it and the normal person... well if theyre dead then i guess the organisation would at least pay for the funeral and compensate the family (like if they were the only one providing for partner and kids), additionally a conversation between both partys if possible.

-Basically: nothing can be swept under the rug. The enhanced people can be protected!!! PLUS they only have to reveal their identity to the UN and not the world.

---------

Those with innate powers must submit to a power analysis, which will categorize their threat level and determine potential health risks.

- This would benefit the person with power too, you realize that, dont you?

You cant possibly know how much power you actually have. Is there gonna be another level-up for you? Are you Jean Grey? We wouldnt want to repeat that specific clusterfuck, right?

But if you submit to an analysis it can help find ways to train you, circle ur weaknesses, etc.

Yes the UN would know ur threat level- and that would be bad why? Are you planning to attack Them? If not then no problem. Instead they would know if they should send you in or not- depending... you dont need a level 5 when there is a cat in a tree. We want to avoid unnecessary damage, thank you. If ur a level 1 you also dont want to be on the front lines against an alien invasion for example- better help evacuate non-powered individuals and not die immediately.

- Also worth mentioning: this is all still part of the "if you agree to sign" paragraph

-------

Those with innate powers must also wear tracking bracelets at all times.

- Yes I admit this one sucks. I could argue the pros but I dont really want to because this one is literally just a "we want to control you" rule and should be scratched.

------- (new paragraph in the accords)----

Any enhanced individuals who sign are prohibited from taking action in any country other than their own, unless they are first given clearance by either that country's government or by a United Nations subcommittee.

- I really want to think I dont have to say anything here but I feel I do.

No I do not want a guy wearing an american flag running around in my country if my government didnt explicitely allow it. Same for a giant tin man or a creepy spiderlady.

- If anything then this paragraph would help improve the communication between countries. Yes people fear that in emergencies this will all take too long but 1) thats not the Accords fault and 2) I think we already have situations like this irl and most times it does work.

---------

Governments are forbidden from deploying enhanced individuals outside of their own national borders, unless those individuals are given clearance as described above. The same rule also applies to non-government organizations that operate on a global scale (including S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers).

- Same reasoning. I really really dont want Shield around with their shady everything.

- And always needing consent before weaking havoc in other countries? nice

--------(new paragraph)-----

Any enhanced individuals who do not sign will not be allowed to take part in any police, military, or espionage activities, or to otherwise participate in any national or international conflict, even in their own country.

- Basically if you dont sign up then you cant be a super-cop. Groundbreaking.

(This is very much explained in the first paragraph already.)

----------

As a corollary, they will not be allowed to participate in any active missions undertaken by private or governmental law enforcement/military/intelligence organizations (such as S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers).

- s a m e t h i n g

--------(new paragraph)-----

Any enhanced individuals who use their powers to break the law (including those who take part in extralegal vigilante activities), or are otherwise deemed to be a threat to the safety of the general public, may be detained indefinitely without trial.

If an enhanced individual violates the Accords, or obstructs the actions of those enforcing the Accords, they may likewise be arrested and detained indefinitely without trial.

- Cancel the without trial part and then Id say its just. This way it stinks and I feel Ross had his hands in this. No, I am not defending this one. Its Not Okay.

------(new paragraph)-------

The use of technology to bestow individuals with innate superhuman capabilities is strictly regulated, as is the use and distribution of highly advanced technology (such as Asgardian and Chitauri weaponry).

- You cant just experient and turn urself into the Hulk anymore??? Where is the fun in that?? //sarcasm//

- I dont need to go deeper into this, do I?

-------

The creation of self-aware artificial intelligences is completely prohibited.

- Here comes a problem. For Tony mostly.

- I can think of a few reasons for this but I dont think many people are even capable of doing this. I think it would bd enough to file a request if you want to try and build an AI.

--------(new paragraph)----

The Avengers will no longer be a private organization and will operate under the supervision of the United Nations.

- See.. all of the above on why this is a good thing?

- The Avengers as a private organisation is actually a super scary thought. And if you arent at least a little freaked out about this (all from the point of looking at this as if it were real) then idk what to tell you.

---------(new paragraph)-------

For the purposes of the Accords, an "enhanced individual" is defined as any person, human or otherwise, with superhuman capabilities. This includes individuals whose powers are an innate function of their biology as well as individuals who utilize highly advanced technology to grant themselves superhuman capabilities. However, individuals with advanced prostheses do not seem to be considered "enhanced", even if their prostheses give them capabilities beyond those of ordinary humans. 

- Basically just explaining what they mean by "enhanced individual": people with powers. Doesnt matter if you are born with ur power or built urself a supersuit.

-If you got leg protheses that are super bouncy you arent considered an "enhanced individual" (to put it as simple as possible).

-----

All members of the Avengers are subject to the same conditions as enhanced individuals, even if they are not enhanced themselves: Black Widow was required to sign so she could continue serving on the Avengers, and Hawkeye was incarcerated on the Raft after violating the Accords.

- I think this is fair because if you consider urself an Avenger and fight with them then you also should be held accountable.

- You wouldnt want a Someone to work in super-person capacity which both gives a great deal of responsibility and allows a high chance of fuck ups and destruction without them having any regulations, okay?

AND THATS ALL THERE IS

THATS ALL THE MCU WIKI SAYS THERE IS

Which is ofc bullshit because the Accords were thick and 117 countries worked on them for idk how long. Do you understand what that takes? The compromises and politic battles thats been fought over this document?

And yes it is still not perfect.

But who in the seven Hells said that this was the final draft? Who??

"I dont wanna sign away my freedom of choice" F you! What about my freedom of choice of having some costumed weirdos run around my town blowing stuff up killing people?

"We cant save everyone" yEAH but maybe just mAyBe if you werent a dumb cunt then mayyybe with some teamwork with the countries respective secrurity personell (as every fucking country does have) then maybe Kyle, Maria and Dembe would still be alive?? Who knows.

So what I hear is "I dont wanna give up my freedom and continue to do as I see fit. Because I think I am a better judge than a UN committee and 117 governments that dont want me breaking into their countries on a semi-regular basis."

and thats why im generally pro-Accords :)

[weirdness-on-the-roof]

Shitty episode 49 notes

so this time its mostly dialogue. I’m not a fast typer so i definitely missed stuff and my spelling is atrocious, but I did use the break and until the live stream ended to fill in the gaps I could. This is pre and post break notes. Obvious major spoilers, lots of weird details i wrote down that matt said b/c we never know when something is gonna be important or come back/ be relevant.

Also I love Beau with all my heart.

Have fun ya nerds :) 

Episode 49 Notes:

Chair has replaced uktatoa for echoes

Matts wording in the summary are so careful

Short brown hair, green and black robes necklace with circular gems lots of rings, middle aged/ young for an elf

Nott knows a place--- river bank spot

They were noted by the locals

Pretty river with shaded trees

Beau checks to see if followed 21 perception, people aren’t keeping watch but the righteous brand are gathering at the southern fields where the operatives were coming from

“What the fuck”-Jester

thanks Laura for voicing not only Jester but the entire fan base

Nott doesn’t want to leave “you can leave but i need to stay” ouch that hurt

Nott doesn’t expect them to stay

“We are a target”- Cad

“Your son????” -Jester “is it your son or are you even a goblin??”

Nott “[we don’t need to pretend we don’t keep secrets]”

Nott feels chained and not able to move forward, is ok with being open and honest so ‘we can move ahead’

Rephrase from episode one broke my heart

Nott: “Well hi, my name is Nott the brave and I’m a little goblin girl. But, once upon a time i was Veth, a young halfling woman and before that, a halfling child who grew, um, up being told that she was pretty and not brave and not coordinated and not smart and just not..

Jester line

Nott: Yea, I was. And then, ya know, time went by and i got older, i was made fun of quite a bit. I had this um, Ppl thought i was strange, b/c i collected things, i collected lots of things, they were outstanding. They were wax seals,and pieces of colored paper, and some buttons and fabric,

Beau line

Nott: All kinds

Beau line

Nott: Well they didn't think so, i had brothers and people in town who would just ridicule me

Jester: that was here

Nott: Yes, and one day i um  i was playing a game with the other boys and they dared one of their friends to give me a kiss, and the boy was very nice and he actually seemed to like it and he and i became friendly and eventually did what people do and got married and he didn't mind my strangeness and i helped him get his apothecary up and running and he was a brilliant chemist and could make acids and potions and oils and bleaches for fabric for all sorts of things and he helped me. Eventually we had a baby named luke and he was a bright boy, very smart, he learned to talk very early and walk very early. Such a smart boy and that's who you saw back there is my son.

Jester: so was he right, did you die?

Nott: I think so, I think so, uh. We had a rough winter in felderwind, there were not a lot of crops and i think some of the animals had died that winter. This river i brought you to this sort of, it's a beautiful place i used to come here with yeza and it's an important place i used to come here with yeza… the goblins would come from over there, they would raid from over there [points]... They came into town and raided more and more, they took us. They took me and my husband and my child, they held us in one of their camps. I don’t know if it was days or weeks or months. Luke, he wasn’t doing well….. We ran, we ran in the dead of night, they were fast, i've been chased a lot… i told them to run… the goblins followed me and when they found me i fought, i had a vial of acid and i threw it in the face of the one trying to catch us, they took me back to the camp. I think he died from his wounds…[I think he was a type of leader] i think he had a wife. This goblin told the woman ‘make her suffer’ and they did. They brought me to this river and they drowned me in it. I can still feel the water in my lungs and in my ears and in my nose. And then nothing. Until i woke up and saw the hands.. The skin and i looked in a puddle and i could see what they made me. They made me into everything i thought i was. Not pretty, not good, just not. I'll be honest, i've started forgetting what it was like to be halfling. Just everyday just more and more goblin…. I'm sorry i didn’t tell u and im sorry i lied and i'm sorry caleb i didnt tell u. You would have understood and you could have helped me, i dunno. I feel like you're almost there like you're almost strong enough…. Anyways that's how i got to you, and that's why i got to you and why i can't be in this town. Well i only recently started signing the letters. I don't know what he would think of me. {Missed a lot here}

{nott was in the goblin clan kinda as a slave} I would clean out the messes and clean after the meals. The one [goblin] who tortured, i would help him, maybe six months. So maybe a year, no more than a year, a year and a half? I don't know exactly.

Cad can sober up Nott and Nott lets him via lesser restoration b/c alcohol is a toxin

First time we’ve seen sober nott in a while

They’re in the valley [la joke?]

The Goldfield Tavern and Lodge

Beau to Caleb: You puked all over that apothecary so something is definitely not right

Liam is so good

They headed south towards the woods for the chat

Fjord very pointedly asks if nott is ok leaving his son. He asks twice.

Caleb won’t talk in town

Edith is staying for now and nott gave her 200 gold.

No one in town knows that Veth is alive

‘I forgot what he looked like. He forgot what i looked like.”-Nott about Luke’ we need to know the ones we love.”

Beau: Nott you drowned, and you just spent three months underwater, that's incredible. I don't know if you realized that. Its incredible.

Fjord thinks Edith and Luke should leave town. Jester offers to send them to her mum. Possibly going just more west without crossing the border.

Letter to Bryce to get them somewhere safe and closer to border in case of speedy exit of the empire.

Nott  admimatly wants to find Yeza

Jester via sending: “Hello, its jester. Two people incoming, a woman and child, take care of them please. Were sending money with them, it is important. Please help.”

Byrce, not really surprised: “Um alright. Ill do my best. Please don't send too many more.”

Liam trying to stay in character and not laughing at jokes during Bryce chat

Most of the righteous brand have gathered and are heading north east, leaving felderwind. People are trying to pick up and move on

Chat in wagon in back, hidden, Cad. 60 yd radius of warning if someone is gonna pass them

Beau to jester b/c they’re telling the truth now: “I didn’t sleep with dyren. She wasn’t my roommate. She was my teacher.” and she taught beau “how to kick as and take names bitch”

Jester trying to be helpful and fjord trying to be supportive

Caleb: “Your name is Veth?” “it was.”My name was Bren Aldrich Emendroot. Was. and um… I uh, i uh

Look at Laura

Jester: “Did you die too?”

Nott: “twinnies?”

Caleb: “I have been using you all.”

Jester, confused: How?

Caleb:I am from Rexingtrum. I attended Soltrace Academy. I was plucked by one of the cerborous assembly and was being trained to do the things that i fear were being done to [Yeza]. A lot a big plans for me that didn’t plan out- I went a little crazy and ran away, ran away. I have been on the run for long time. I was tired of starving. And I met you. I was a little less hungry for a while. I have been afraid for a long time, two of the people in that town are from the cerberus assembly. I don't think [the assembly members would recognise him] I walked passed that portrait many times. One of them is the head of the cerberus assembly. There's good teachers, it's everything they describe it to be. After going there for several months, one of the assembly  who also would teach on occasion, started interviewing me. Calling me in and asking me questions. He sorta put me in an advanced class, me and a few others. I don't want you all to be seen with me by one of them, they will use you to get to me. You met the man who trained me. His name is Trent Ikathon.

Jester: thats why you make that face all the time

Caleb: I’m not a very good person.

Jester: “I dont think out actions don’t define us all them time. Good people do bad things sometimes bad people do good things. I think you’re a good person”

Beau: “do you care about us? You’ve told us several times you’re not a very good person.”

Caleb: im worried about your husband.  I know the things that man can do.[unravels arm wrappings to show a series of small cuts going up the entirety of the right arm] He used to put crystals in… he he experimented on the three of us.

NottL what would they do? The crystals

He uhh was trying to strength us. The first time i ever saw that word was in your libraries, no explanation.

Beau: The dunamous?

Caleb: No, the first time i’ve ever seen that word was in your libraries. Haphazardly scrolled into that word. No, no everything was for the empire. We were being trained to serve the empire above all. He was mad himself, he was mad. He believed that the unwashed masses relied on their base instinct and the highest calling was to rise above the muck and control the cattlel. We were, are at war. Many of us, felt that way, feel that way.

Nott: Do you still that way?

Caleb: I don’t believe in anything, now.

Fjord: This Trent, does he know these two we saw?

Caleb: Oh yes, yes, yes. And I don’t want one more thing on my head to have you guys. Probably too late anyways.

Fjord: How powerful are these two anyways? Our normal tricks, would they fall short?

The Cerberus assembly are the most powerful mages in the empire…over 200 yrs ago a # of mages went to war in the streets of Restrum and um, it was bloody and awful and eventually came to a truce … proposed to the king at the time that they serve as an advising body to the throne.

Jester: Would they see if we were disguised? Or would they have to look for us.

Caleb: I don’t know for sure but there is a reason i didn't use something like that back there.

Fjord: So, we need to give the a very wide birth.

Nott: [why would they take yeza]

Caleb: I don’t know. It is something to do with the thing. But i don’t know why him.

[Jester reading the burned notes and meaningless stuff mostly they won’t kill Yeza]

Caleb: Was he gifted in his work? What is written about here but it does not seem like anything i ever learned about that.

[?]: It says there that they are looking for a way to achieve their ends w/o the object.  I don’t know what they need.

Beau: trent ikathon was looking at yasha....

Calev: I hope he is alive i really do but they will make his life a living hell. And the empire. They are as close to as powerful if not as powerful as the king. I used a lot of names. Caleb is just what i told you. I don’t know. Caleb, let's stick with caleb for now. Um i honestly don’t know if we can, if we are up to this. Unless they are on land, this is the might of the empire. Vestduragna is the arch mage of antiquities.. She's a historian, she has uncovered mysteries of the past. She's a history buff, she's awful probably. He is the head of the military, so if they are both here i would say he is here over seeing the military and she is overseeing what is in that bag.

Fjord makes a valid point about this might not being the only one. [dodecha]

Beacons is plural

Fjord is being cautious for once

[Caleb looks like he wants to cry about the ‘liking us’ comment]

Caleb: I uhh, ohhh jester, i'm glad you see good in me.

Beau: “Its too late now b/c we like you and are invested in your happiness and [stuff]”

Caleb: ok

Beau: dont run. You can say you don't believe in us, that's fine. Believe in us just a little bit, ok?

Caleb: I will consider it heavily.

Beau: I’m sorry for not hearing you yesterday… i heard that you were doubting me and us and our friendship

Caleb:‘i dont doubt any of you

Fjord ‘I swallow shit and make it appear in my weapons i'm down to throw down. You don't have to minimize my stuff’

Those elves two were founders of the Cerberus Assembly

Stabby stab

Fjord: You seduce one i'll seduce the other. I have a way with elves [nervous/embarassed laughter]

Its like you two have been reading tumblr - tal

Caduceus is a wild mom?- confused Beau

Shit shit shit that stuff was out of the bag and scry-able for so long

Samone is the innkeeper

‘Ruckus is a word’

War with the dominion ???

Travis being charismatic and info snatchy is such a difference from grog

‘Felderwind is not known for its excitement’ with jazz hands from matt

“I need something complicated to focus myself… preferably some sort of flower or living plant. The notion is that i'm looking for something that is a testament to the wildmother.”

Jester: “Honey!”

Cad: I’m not entirely sure what honey is made of

Beau: essence of flower and bee puke

Demi leric (female human) does not charge but accepts donation, general physician

Cricks left w/in an hour “a swift nightmare”. “Dark elf folk” “second one on the left that's burned down”

Demi leric’s house is across the street from a burned building, door partially open. Simple establishment, herb smells, chemical smells, ⅘ cots with 2 recovering crownsguard chillin. Human woman, late 20s/ early 30s, bright smile & eyes, business in the eyes,

Beau used real name    

“Taking statements”

A few strange complaints about 1/ 2 months back. Wave of nausea. All lived in a cluster, near the doctor’s office near a burned building

Attack around midnight

Detective beau?

Semi conscious guard, has burns, beau slaps a wound, ‘sup, names beau with the cobalt soul, what's your name?’ “Jeff” “good to meet you Jeff” jeff got Luke out of the flames “cricks got him and ran… life four of them.. I saw the fire they pushed me into when i tried to stop them… it was crazy, they came in quick.. I guess [they were targeting places].. Last place they lit was the apothecary…

TAL WANTS TO FIND THE CHAIR MAKER

Jester: What is the possibility that your mean people can change memories?

Caleb: Pretty good…

Tunnels--> North East side where the fields begin. Crownsguard near three sinkhole like entrances.

They didn’t dig them, something dug it for them. Something with big teeth dug it for them and they came out. This creature was 10 feet wide mouth. They collapse the tunnels when they left. They dug in the third one tunnel a bit. Each tunnel is 200-300 feet apart. The tunnel that was dug out was in the middle. Tunnel at a steep angle w/ rope hanging down. This tunnel kept gong 50ft before evening out at a steady downward incline. Looks organically carved tunnel rather than arcane. Definitely burrowed. Nothing on detect magic or undead.

‘Anything is possible in this world of magic and mystery’

Cad base chant to see if he can get vibration via thaumaturgy. Can very vaguely hear a gap at some point w/ very little detail.

Break

Gank

Rexintrum is the largest city in the empire

Worms

Fjord makes a valid point about the slowy thing being a great battle tactic

Fjord has limits on what he will poke/big red button comment

“The dragon poke sucked”

“Im here b/c i was out of options and i went looking for them.” - Cad

my detail oriented self is loving getting actual info from Cad

The magic that held the forest in place is fading away. Not the only site like cads but there hasn’t been communication

Cad family, bigggggggg, built the temple, they all left to look for answers, none came back, doesn’t know what direction they went in, didn’t ask wildmother about them and doesn’t really wanna know “have faith and not second guess”, Corin talked about trying to find some of the other temples. CORIN? ---> sister?

Jester “this is some serious shit… the empire is really fucked up. And everyone went through some horrible stuff

Nott: i promise if you stay with us you’ll also go through some horrible stuff

Jester:[too late already have].. I want nice again one day

Cad: I just want home back, I wanna know that its safe again

Nott: I want to be me again yes. Yes and i hope someday it can happen.

{what does Nott want to be called?}

“Or Vott”-Jester in response to Fjord prompting Nott v. Veth

Beau: Nott and Caleb it is. The mighty nein made of seven people. Works great.

Caleb “not the name not the group. I’m not it” {Not sure if i got the last part spot on the stream cut out before I rewatched/checked this}

“Their names are Chair, together they are chair.”

“I’m here to bring the awkward”- Tal

“What it Yeza’s destination pushing a few days forward?”- Cad w/ Divination to the Wildmother “Gordranas” via wind whispers

Yasha has heard the name, its far further north and the tribe avoided it b/c a lot of the beast folk lived that way ie others who wandered the wastes ‘men who are like bull warrior/bugbears/ other goblinoids’ some work with the crin.

The Luxum- something Caleb read about it having a negative effect on Gordraonas

Gordronas is important to the history of age of arcanum. When the gods walked the earth, both the prime deities and the betrayer gods there were areas of influence considered theirs. A # of those areas belonging to the betrayer gods happened to be in wildmount and Gordranas was the name of the center of their ‘tenuous union’ [betrayer gods] in the final years of the Clamity the b. Gods would go there to plot evil shit.

 What remains of gordonas is where the crin has established their dynasty. People in Yasha’s tribe said it was perpetual night.

Cad on how to travel 1000 miles through a war zone“We’ve got a cart, I’m completely serious.”

One of the garrisons has been lost to the Cryn. {Ash something or rather?}

Yeza- short, even for a halfling, bushy brown hair, long sideburns, big nose, not a great chin, narrow shoulders, not a looker,

IS (not referring to Yeza in the past tense ie Nott being corrected by Jester/Fjord?Beau)

They were married five years

THEY SHOULD KNOW VETH’S ACTUAL BIRTHDAY

To Jester’s message to Yeza: No response then a very faint “Hello?  I don’t know, its very dark, I have to be quiet. Thank you”

Nott being wingwoman Jester and Fjord

Jester is the best customer service person ever

Jordan and Jamenson are escorting Luke and Edith, Jeff almost kept Beau’s staff

Beau’s bo still has a bow

“I’m here to buy some pockets” “Money belts!” and the tourist necklace thingies

Secret tunnels

Fjord and Beau tag teaming it and fucking with that one guy’s pride with a few good checks

Caleb paying for a group expense

Polymorph into a honey badger (who doesn’t care)

LEVEL EIGHT

‘This won’t be a problem when I’m a president’- Sam

“Be an elk and kill all these fucking soldiers” -Travis or Fjord?

Dire honey badger? Yessssssss. Bony 6 foot honey badger, 5-6 inch claws

‘I’m gonna bless the honey badger’- Cad <3

Travis gonna kill Gil

The other side of the collapse was like 150 feet down further from where the empire stopped digging

Tunnel wides, drops off like a cliff 30-40 foot til another drop off 10ish feet later and a river that is cutting it’s way through. Crystle (quartz) stalactites from a 15’ tall ceiling

Same system as Zadash? Connecting aquifers?

“Do not send the cleric into the pit of unknown.”- Tal

Yeza and Veth never got a honeymoon and they wanted to go to Taledorie [Whitestone is great in the spring].

666

They’re going caving I guess

If Beau changes(ed) her name them all the Empire based people would have lots of names. (Bren-> Caleb ; Veth-> Nott ; Lucian-> Molly)

Also Beau and Bren are the names parents would name their kids if they wanted to have a matching letter for all their kids but the kids hate being a matched set.

Jester having the crisis of ‘I was lonely but y’all had some shit’ was really heartbreaking to watch. I hope she doesn’t stop that progression of showing more and more genuine emotion both positively and negatively.

[rqs902]

qcyn ep 11 -- can you believe the finale is tomorrow?!?

this whole texting section was so funnyyyy and i will honorably mention yet again that yao chi texting mc jin in english is so sweet

li ronghao torturing xu longhan iS HIALRIOSUS 

 but i also pity the poor child LOOL

wait can we talk about chen tao’s spelling timao LOL

and chen sijian’s face LOLLL

omg yao mingming’s message is so aww... he mentions liking yixing since he debuted in 2012.......

omgggg fjj and wang yi theyre all so cute and screamy and i loveee 

WAIT CAN WE TALK ABOUT LIN MO AND WANG YI’S HAPPY DANCE

oh gosh the8 is really showing us how hard seventeen works to get their choreo super in sync wow they really must work so hard.... wow minghao giving up the center position bc he knows how important this is to these kids... he deserves more recognition as a great mentor wow

oh my goodness.......... li zhenning’s voice shaking as he says to shi mingze “if you can get into top 20, then you’ll have hope” is.... the most heartbreaking......... knowing that shi mingze doesnt.......... they literally were smiling as they went off into this corner to talk and are crying by the time they come out..... can you just imagine how much sadness and stress is constantly looming over these kids’ heads and tearing down at their mental health?? its all hidden and suppressed, but with really fragile borders, so as soon as you pick at the walls, their raw emotions come bursting through... 

this just reminds me that even tho shi mingze is their cool, handsome leader, hes still the youngest in bg project............

can we please talk about how considerate of a friend li zhenning is and has been?? 

and this all took place before zhenning ever ranked into top 9.... so to them, this opportunity wouldve been really important for zhenning too, bc maybe he wouldve really needed it to get into top 9. but at least we know now.... he has enough popularity that they made the correct choice and hopefully more people will notice shi mingze as a result

ZHAN YU’S ARMSSSSSSSSS bo yuan’s hair!! i really like it!!!! wen yechen in pink!!!!!! his voice is so addicting i just wanna hear more of it... it dont matter that zhenning isnt center, he still shines :)) wait wu zelin’s voice i really liked it in retreat and we get even more vocal-like wu zelin here! thats a realy nice purple on qunfeng, hes really rocking this look SHI MINGZE I SAW THAT WINK frick minghao’s dancing is just so satisfying to watch wowow

man he looks so good

wow i live for random zhan yu reactions (imma just collect them here LOL)

after journey and mc jin’s friendship is so cute hahahaha

ok i see why elle thinks chen tao is a visual

wang zhe and wu chengze have both really improved in their stage presence throughout the course of this show aw deng chaoyuan looks the happiest we’ve ever seen him on stage haha zhou shiyuan’s voice is really so cool 

i guess we’ll never find out why gu landi is in mc jin’s group..... is it bc yao chi is here? im sorry i love this song and i love a lot of the kids in this group but can you just imagine how much better this stage would’ve been if it were with more kids who had experience rapping....? last year’s “zero” stage just made such a bigger impression on me...... this is actually really such a contrast im---

ALKSJDLAKSJDLK CHEN SIJIAN’S RAPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE JUST DID THATT!!!!!!!!!! DID YOU SEE THAT!??!?!1//!ASDLKJALSKJJ OMGGOHS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! CHEN SIJIAN JUST BLEW EVERYOEN OUT OF THE WATER YOU BEST BET HE DID WOWOW HE JSUT I CANT BELEIEVE HE JSUT INCLUDED AT LEAST 4 NAMES WOW 

IM WEN YECHEN

chen sijian is really the best at writing raps about his bros wow and like also he has the most creative lyrics i really appreciate wow such talent hes amazing!!!

a lost baby..

UNDERAPPRECIATED GU LANDI VISUALS

the face of a legend 

ever since i saw the “time” ballad version, ive had a sneaking suspicion that lin yuzhi is secretly one of the strongest vocalists on this show..... this is the face of talent

idk whose outfit is distracting me more, xu bingchao or xixi’s LOL shao haofan looks so nice here wow and ding feijun is so adorable even tho this is a more mature concept but i still cant see him as anything but a cute child

maybe its the way they cut up the lines but idk this song didnt really show off their vocal abilities that well..... sorry xixi :( i think xixi’s voice deserved better time to shine on this show...... his and feng junjie’s voices are actually both so nice i was so impressed when i saw them singing in the oaca clips

this koala ad makes me very uncomfortable......

wenhan reaches into the box and pulls out..... costco brand blueberries??!?!?/1 hHhahahhahHAHAHHA 

lol yao chi being so sentimental... oh look at this photo of me with bubbles on my face (me: oh no here it come--) OH YEA ALSO CHECK OUT THIS FACE WASH!

wow kou cong!! a face i havent seen in a while aw! i cant believe they filmed all the yaa eps while they all still had colorful hair lol i guess ill never get to see lin mo on yaa /sigh/ or actually any of the tyger members cept jia yi.........

HAHAHAHAHHA YESSSSSSSSS THEY INCLUDED A CLIP OF CHEN SIJIAN’S PHONE CALL !!!! HIS WAS HILARIOUSS!!!! HAHAHAHA I LOVED HOW SIMILAR HIS FAN SEEMED TO BE TO HIM HAHAH 

AAHH AS SOON AS IT GETS TO LIN MO’S ITS THE SAD MUSIC TIME

his was the most heartwarming call.... no bias LOL

feng junjie singing “the great artist” just---

this boy will never stop with the meme faces hHAHAHA

im surprised this section was so short lol i was expecting them to spend more time on this group...

SUN ZELIN SUN ZELIN SUN ZELIN YEA

jolin’s eyes are so wow 

feng junjie with the voice!!!!!!1 

JOLIN THE QUEEN

still kinda wish jia yi had more opportunity to sing on this show......... hes like second main vocalist to zhan yu in tyger but i feel like he hasnt gotten to show his voice much :( he did really well tho!!! he really has impressive stage presence

omg lin mo’s super shy “1 day” ahhhhh 

omg wang jiayi looks like hes about to cry... the poor child....

yixing reaching out to apologize to them.... hes really so caring towards them...... wang jiayi just needs more confidence!! i believe in him too

where did lin mo get this white cap from? lol he chose the pink one..... on a related note, im so happy lin mo got to be in yixing’s group, bc from the beginning with namanana hes really really tried so hard to earn yixing’s recognition, im sure it means a lot to him to be able to learn from him like this and share a stage with him 

yao mingming too, i feel like he really values yixing’s recognition as well

i think all the kids in this group had to have known that picking yixing’s group would be the most tiring and require the most effort, but i think choosing this group regardless just really shows they came here to learn 

A HAPPY BABYYY

omg like yixing is really /teaching/ them and i appreciate that

lin mo and xu fangzhou’s voices!!!!!!

OOF IM SO READY FOR THIS OUTFIT 

ASLDKALSDKJLAK HE WINKED!!!!!!!!!!!

what is this awkward closeup

why does fangzhou have wings lol

i feel like theres a lot of random awkward closeups of lin mo.... should i be happy about this??? LOL i dont think theyre all very flattering but at the same time at least hes got closeups....???? ? ??  

OOF HES GETTING MORE LINES THAN I EXPECTED TOO

you know how ive talked about how i love how much detail lin mo puts into his dancing, including even his slight head tilts? LOOK ANOTHER HEAD TILT 

HAHAHAHHAHA GUAN YUE’S EYES GOT SO BIG HAHAHHAHA OMGGG

ooof lin mo getting to sing the chorus with yixing im !!!!!! im sure hes so grateful for this opportunity wow also i think i mentioned this with namanana but i really think lin mo suits yixing’s dance style, like its a style that hes pulls off really well, so i think he got to shine a bit in this performance :’)

ok i havent said this yet but what is with that thick black fade at the top of the screen its so annoying??? like why you gotta cover the top of their heads??? 

wow we’re really getting a lot of random lin mo shots hahahha is this iqiyi repenting their wrongs from ‘spirit of the knight’ i almost am surprised how yao mingming isnt getting the most screentime but then i remember iqiyi has never favored yao mingming........ /sigh

AYYY WENXUAN AND LIN MO THE BUDDIES

just look at how perfectly tilted / well-positioned lin mo’s head is wow and that gaze wow i just love his stage presence

yea im gonna have to rewatch this perf to gif the lin mo moments.... maybe after the finale tomorrow when ill be like oop lin mo didnt make it in oh well let me just wallow in his talent that the audience slept on by drowning myself in lin mo content (its not like i do that every day already)

LOL THAT CAMERA SPIN WAS SUCH A FAIL YOU CANT SEE ANYONE CEPT WENXUAN ADJUSTING HIS MIC HAHAHHAHA ok on a side note tho im glad wenxuan got to be in this group too!! yuehua’s dancer getting to show us his dancing again :’) and we all know he was discouraged being reshuffled into “maze” and i just wanna say wenxuan deserves more credit for being able to really go out of his comfort zone and pull off the cute concept in “maze” well even tho he didnt want to accept it at first! 

HES PERFECT 

hey yall is it just me or did you see lin mo’s eyes in that really fast flashy bit at the end of the preview for the finale? HAHHAHAHA i couldnt even screenshot it bc it was so fast, but i swear i saw his eyes so i think he was in it LOOOL

JSUT KIDDING I WENT BACK AND TRIED AGAIN AND I GOT IT

I KNEW I SAW HIS EYES HAHAHAHHAHA

oo i havent mentioned this before but i really like the sound of chen sijians voice, even when speaking... 

OMG GU LANDI

OMGGGG MY CHILD YE ZIMING IN FREAKING TARZAN NEXT DOOR??!???

THIS IS TOO MUCH!!!!!!! THANKS FOR REMINDING US HOW IQIYI TOTALLY SLIGHTED THIS BOY OUT OF GETTING INTO TOP 35

aw honestly i wonder if lian huaiwei will really not make it tomorrow.....  

omg sun zelin in the ending credits!!!!

OMG ZHAN YU TOOOOOOO

OOF LOOK AT ZHAN YU’S JAWLINE (ooops sorry yechen ahhahhhaa)

they must really like this part of the choreo?? 

BUT I LOVE THIS LOOK ON YECHEN YESSS

lol is this lin mo’s back

tbh im surprised they didnt include lin mo in the ending credits but i think they were trying to make up for the loss of yao mingming time earlier LOOL 

ok well i have about 10 hrs until i gotta wake up to watch the finale so.... now to go watch fjj and hcx’s goodnight dachang HAHAH

[paladin-andric]

Blackheart, Chapter 31: A Final Respite

It had been quite some time. Deep in the heart of the Citadel, things had changed considerably.

A while ago, the survivors had evacuated to the countryside. Before they did so, Basilrin was sent to bring word of the situation to the surrounding lands, in hopes of summoning the forces needed to push to the Blackheart.

The portal was said to be in the very center of the city. To get there, all they needed to do was take the main road. Only problem was the demons. Their corrupted thralls swarmed the main streets en-masse. It was why they had spent their time creeping down alleyways and side streets.

Soon...soon, the time for skulking would come to an end. Soon, the army would begin their assault.

Alexander ran the blade of his sword over a whetstone, looking it over carefully. He had forgone wearing his armor, seeing as it had been a few days since Basilrin’s return.

It was quite the wonder, seeing not only his return, but the arrival of the Lady Protector herself, Gira. The Black Dragon, as she was called, arguably the most important figure in all of Geralthin. She had been there for the entirety of its history, after all.

She and Basilrin had assured them that the army was indeed on its way. Already a few of those towns and villages nearby had arrived, a few guards and citizens armed with the bare essentials now joining them in the Citadel.

It was a good start, but they had to await the mass of royal forces before they could dare start their push.

Gira was another one. Now they had three dragons. That was three beasts of legend to rain destruction on their foes. Alexander could only imagine how marvelous that kind of support would be for the army.

All in all, things were looking quite hopeful. With a force like this assembled, pushing through the city really seemed more than a mere pipe dream.

All they had to do was cause a gap, if only for a moment, in the demons’ defenses. Then Alexander could slip through, enter the Blackheart, and destroy whatever artifact was anchoring the portal to their world.

“Hey.”

The knight turned to see Wurie walking up to him. The wolfman took a seat on the ground beside the knight, flashing him a nervous smile.

“Hey captain. What’s the matter?”

Wurie looked off into the distance as Alexander continued sharpening his blade. “I just...can hardly believe it, you know? That we’re so close.”

“It won’t be long now,” the knight answered.

“It’s been quite the journey.”

Alexander smiled. “Yeah. I think we’ve all learned things from this.”

“Really? I feel like you’ve been the one teaching ME here, sir knight!”

The man shook his head and sighed. “You should know better than that, Wurie.”

The wolfman frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“Captain, when I first came here...I must admit that I didn’t feel the same way about you and the others then I do now.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Well...I was raised surrounded by other humans. Not once had I even laid eyes upon another species, aside from Stilich, the doctor.”

“Stilich?”

“One of the shellbacks,” Alexander admitted, “Father hired him to take care of us...but that was the extent of my knowledge. He was one of a kind as far as I was concerned. When I joined the army, I was deployed at the northern border. There, was my first experience with the wolves...with your people, Wurie.”

The captain grimaced. “Not, uh...not a good impression,” he whispered, his voice reflecting pain.

“That’s an understatement. I thought your people were animals, barbarians, monsters...I had a similar view for many of the peoples of Geralthin. In truth, the edict didn’t rattle me as much as it probably should have...it meeting Sigvin to change my mind about a “universal evil”. Even then I thought he was the exception, but now...I see I was quite mistaken.”

“Sigvin?” Wurie’s brows furrowed. “Alexander, you said...Sigvin?”

“Yeah. We commissioned him as pathfinder, during one of our expeditions into tribal territory. We chatted at the camp. Told me all sorts of stories about him and his people. Really helped me understand the wolfmen more than I did.”

Wurie’s eyes were a near sliver now.

“What? What’s with that funny look?”

“Alexander...was...was Sigvin a bard?”

The knight was caught off guard by that one. “He...mentioned he wanted to become one...how on earth did you know that? Wurie, have you met him?”

The captain gave Alexander a serious look. “...follow me.”

He paused only to put his whetstone away and sheathe his sword before he hurried after Wurie. The implications behind this left only one possibility…

Turning past another group of tents, Wurie called out to a figure facing a firepit. “Sigvin!”

The person turned around, sitting on a small wooden stump. In a rather puffy, fanciful striped and dyed suit, was a familiar face. Sure, the clothes, quilled hat, and lute was a far cry to the rags he was wearing all those years ago, but Alexander recognized him all the same.

“Sigvin...you’ve got a friend here.”

The unarmored knight stepped forward, eyes widening. It wasn’t just a shared name. It was him. It was really him.

“Sigvin…?”

The wolfman bard frowned. “Err, I’m sorry. You might be…?”

“It’s me, remember?! It’s Alexander! From the war up north? The Pureclaws!”

The bard’s face scrunched up as he tried to recall those memories. In a moment, his eyes shot open. “A-Alexander?!”

“Yeah! It’s me!”

The wolfman jumped up excitedly and put his lute down. “Hoo boy...Alexander! How have you been, friend?!”

The knight laughed as Sigvin grabbed and shook his hand wildly. “Ah, you know! Pretty busy. How the hell did you end up all the way down here?!”

“I TOLD you I was gonna move to Geralthin! I even went to college! All was going according to plan when, uh...this all happened.”

“Right...you were kicked off with the rest of the exiled.”

“Mmhm. I must say, I saw you here before, but I never imagined the man under the armor would be you!”

Alexander shrugged. “Well, here I am regardless! God I can’t believe we’ve been so close all this time!”

“I’ve been...unable to be of much help,” Sigvin admitted with a sheepish smile. “I, uh...I’ve been hiding back here. Thinking, mostly.”

“Well, why didn’t you leave with the other citizens?”

“Because he wants to help!” Wurie said with a grin, “Isn’t that right, Sigvin?”

“Yessir!”

The knight tapped his foot, looking worried. “Ah, but...what are you planning on doing, than? Not joining the front line, I’d hope!”

“Oh goodness no. I’ve never been a warrior, you know that! I AM a bard, though. My music does more than you might expect. I hope to rally and inspire the real warriors when we attack!”

“You really have become what you’ve always wanted, huh?”

“That’s right!” Sigvin said with a grin, “My dreams are...well, they WERE coming true...but hopefully! Hopefully, after all this, I can finally get back on track!”

Wurie nodded. “You will. We’ll see to that, won’t we, Alexander!”

“Yes...we will. I must say Wurie, it’s good to see you looking up like this. You, uh...weren’t in high spirits, the last few times we spoke.”

“What can you do?” the captain asked with a shrug. “I’ve been seeing and hearing some awful things. It takes its toll, but...it’s almost over. We’re so close. If there’s a time to believe, it’s right now.”

Alexander smiled. Despite everything, even the most mournful seemed full of hope now.

“Hope is a powerful thing to have. We’ll see this through Wurie, I swear.”

The trio sat around the firepit, Alexander looking back at Sigvin. “So...got any songs planned for all of this?”

The bard smiled. “Ah, well I’ve got a few popular tunes, but generally I let the music take me where it goes.” His smile quickly turned into a frown. “I do have...one song in the works though. An...ode to your friend, Alexander. The red dragon. Hopefully, my song will travel across the land once this is over, and all will sing of his sacrifice. I figured such an individual deserves nothing less.”

Alexander’s face scrunched up. “Ah. I see...I’m sure he’d be proud.”

Sigvin nodded sadly. “Yeah. I think he would.”

…

“Hey…”

The holy man didn’t look up as he continued reflecting over the words of the scripture. “Yes?”

“I, uh...I’m going to go with them, you know!”

Andric frowned. The paladin opened his eyes and turned his gaze to Senci, visage firm.

“I would strongly advise against that.”

The kobold looked hurt by that. “Oh, come on, master! They’re counting on me to help them!”

“And I’m counting on you to make it through this in one piece.”

“I’ll make it through just fine! I can do it, you know I can! I was trained by the best, after all.”

“Senci…”

“I’ve make it this far, haven’t I?!”

Andric turned around, shifting from kneeling into a sitting position. The pair were inside a tent, taking stock of their inventory and preparing for the final battle.

“I just don’t want anything to happen. I heard about your little stint in the medical tent, you know.”

“But master-”

“What if that happens again?”

“Master Andric…”

“You nearly died, Senci! I cannot abide by this! If I were to let you leave my sight, you could-”

Something snapped inside of Senci, if only for a moment. For the first time since he could remember, he snapped at his mentor.

“I’m not a damned child anymore!”

Andric’s brows raised at the kobold’s shrill yell. He couldn’t remember the man ever being stricken silent like this, but these were exceptional circumstances.

The young warrior felt immense shame and regret almost immediately. He could feel the heat well up in his face and fear creep over him as he looked at his stunned father figure.

“I...I’m sorry…”

The paladin grimaced as he looked the other warrior over. The small lizard shifted uncomfortably, head lowered and eyes full of guilt. Like he was about to be lectured.

Andric sighed. “It’s...fine. I understand. I know this is important to you. I just...I came all this way to make sure you were alright, you know? If something happened, I…”

The man’s lips pursed. “...I don’t know what I’d do. Over a decade, Senci. For twelve years, I’ve been making sure you were okay. For twelve years, schooling and training you...”

“I...I know,” Senci said quietly, “B-but, master...you...you have to let me try! I’m a grown up now!”

Andric shot the kobold a guilty grin and scratched his beard. “Well, actually, you’re still a year away from being an adult at the moment…”

“T-that’s close enough!” Senci insisted. “Listen...I...I’m thankful for everything, really, I am. I’m so lucky I have you to train me...but eventually, you have to put that training to the test! Master...you must let me loose on our enemies! You’ve prepared me for this moment, and I must follow through now! I can’t be useless in this battle, I can’t let everyone down! I HAVE to help!”

Andric frowned and closed his eyes, reflecting on the kobold’s words. Eventually, he opened his eyes and moved forward, wrapping his arms around the young warrior.

“Senci...I know. I know I can’t stop you from doing this...and I understand how much this means to you. You can go.”

Smiling with wide eyes, Senci returned the hug, Andric patting him on the shoulder.

“I won’t let you down. I promise.”

“The only way you could do that, Senci, is if you didn’t come back...so make sure you do, alright?”

Senci grinned wide. “Yes sir!”

…

Razorwing pulled back on his bow, getting a feel for the tension. He sat on the ground beside the tent he had been staying in, his supplies laid out around him.

After this brief test of his bowstring, it seemed like all was in order. He had brought a few extra with him just in case it snapped, but there didn’t seem to be many issues. He’d been using this one for about a year, but he was very fussy about maintenance, so everything still worked as intended.

“Is that the great hero Razorwing, playing around with an unloaded bow?”

The bird turned his head towards the source. Of course, there was no mistaking that voice, despite the additional cheer it seemed to be carrying today.

“You work with crossbows. You know full well the need to test and maintain.”

The human sat down beside him. Despite the mask, his eyes made his amusement clear.

“Obviously. I’m messing with you, dope.”

The koutu shot him a cocky grin. “You sure? You know, if you don’t know about weapon upkeep, I could teach you.”

“Yeah yeah, alright, ya dumb bird.” A light punch to the shoulder made the hero chuckle.

Paul took out one of his own crossbows and looked it over. It was a fair bit smaller than the ones the armies used, seeing as this was made with the ability to hold and fire with one hand. Still, it had enough force behind it, and the bolts were large enough to still be deadly. The downside was that without the heft of the larger models, punching through armor proved...problematic.

Not that this was generally a problem for Paul. As a bounty hunter, he generally worked to end combat before it began. He’d become a good enough shot and a quiet enough sneak to hit targets in their weak spots, while they were unexpecting.

“Hard to believe it’s almost over huh?” the human mused.

“Yes...quite remarkable. We’ve come quite a far way, we have.” Razorwing put his bow down and grabbed his quiver, beginning to examine his arrows.

“It’s been rough. The close scrapes, the demons...listening to you blabber on about nonsense,” Paul said with a laugh.

“Oh? You got pretty mad when I stopped ‘blabbering’ though, didn’t you?”

The bounty hunter looked away as the koutu grinned like mad. “Well...you know how it is...the silence in this hellhole is maddening. Any voice is a relief...no matter how dumb what they’re saying is.”

The archer raised a brow. “Oh ho! I see! So what you’re saying is I’m just a voice to you, huh? Just a distraction? Just something any other person could have been?”

“T-that’s not what I meant!”

The hero put a winged arm around the human’s shoulders. Shooting him a grin, he leaned in. “Don’t worry! I’m just...what was it you said? ‘Messing with you, dope’?”

Paul groaned, which drew another laugh from Razorwing.

“Seriously, though. You and I, friend...we’ll go far, don’t you think?”

“What do you mean by that?” with the birdman’s wing still wrapped around him, he looked over questioningly.

“You remember how well we worked in the streets. How long we spent without the luxury of a team, or any support. Just the two of us, against the demons. The scouting we did for each other...we make a perfect duo, don’t you think?”

Paul looked away, sighing. “We, uh...you’re right, but...I don’t know.”

“Aw, come on, pal! No one can beat a team like us!”

“I know,” Paul admitted, “We make an excellent team. Still...I don’t know if I’ll...be doing this in the future.”

Razorwing frowned. “Huh? What’s...what’s that mean?”

“Look. You’re a famous hero. You fight monsters, and lead parades, and have songs sung of you...and I’m a shadow. No one besides you knows my identity. I stalk the shadows. I slit the throats of thieves and killers. I hide from the fame that comes with the work I do. I’ve built a reputation as an ender of lives...despite no one knowing who I am.”

The hero gave him a funny look. “You’re saying we’re incompatible?”

“Well, that’s one part of it-”

He was cut short by Razorwing squeezing him, tightening his arm’s grip around the man.

“Come on, Crux! We’ve been through enough to know that’s nonsense!”

Paul’s eyes narrowed. “Argh. You wanna let me breathe, bird?”

“Very well.” Razorwing let go of him, the pair sitting beside one another once more.

“Hah. Well, besides that...I have an identity to keep concealed. We were able to do that AND work together because, well...we’re in a fog-covered city cut off from the outside world. If we started working together once this is over...I fear your renown, and the attention you draw would...make my secret impossible to keep.”

It seemed to finally dawn on the hero, now. His gaze softened, turning into a saddened, wincing visage.

“Ah. I...I see. You...we can’t...be friends anymore.”

There was a lengthy, uncomfortable pause. Both of them had their heads down, unable to look the other in the eye.

Paul’s voice caught Razorwing off guard.

“You know...you’re the only friend I’ve ever had.”

The archer blinked, eye widening. “Paul…?”

“I, uh...I made an effort to keep my distance from everyone...just so something like this wouldn’t happen.”

The human looked over at Razorwing. The koutu’s head hung low, looking defeated.

“I...there must be something we can do…”

Paul crossed his arms, his weapons checking long forgotten. “Is there...some place you go to all the time? I don’t know if I could leave a paper trail to keep in touch, but if we happened to be around the same places…”

Razorwing smirked. “I’m all over the place. The parades and plays and, well, you know.”

“Of course.”

“Well, my estate’s always open to you. Hey, maybe you could come over sometime and meet Eignach!” “Eignach…?”

The koutu looked surprised. “Oh, I didn’t tell you? We’re...together.” There was a short pause before Razorwing continued hurriedly. “Err, that’s uh, why I wanted to tell you, by the way, that I’m spoken for. I didn’t mean to...hit on you. I-I don’t drink, so, uhh...I wasn’t thinking clearly. My apologies.”

“Don’t worry about it...lightweight.” Paul was grinning. The way the fabric around his mouth was stretching gave it away.

“Well EXCUSE me for practicing a bit of clean living!” the hero laughed and shook his head. “Well, at any rate, we’ve been together for...not too long. We were just friends at first. Poor fellow was expelled from the kingdom during the exile. He grew up in Geralthin. He may be one of my people in body, but culturally, he was a human. Our homeland was alien and frightening to him. I took him in, seeing as he lost his home and...the rest is history.”

“A bird frightened of his own flock…” Paul pulled out his dagger and inspected it for any nicks and scratches.

“I suppose! He’s adapted well, though. You know he was a fan of mine? He was absolutely starstruck when we met. Even fainted and everything!”

“Everyone has a hero to look up to, I guess. You happened to be his.”

“That’s right.”

Razorwing turned to look at the human, still running his hand along his dagger.

“Hey, Paul?”

“Yeah?”

There was a brief moment of hesitation. “Whatever happens out there...we’re a team, alright? I’ve got your back.”

Paul lowered his dagger, turning to look at the archer. His eyes ran over the other man, taking him in.

“And I’ve got yours.” He held a gloved hand out to the koutu, who took it without hesitation. The pair shook.

“Domnall...it’s been a pleasure. Let’s cast these beasts back to the deepest pits of hell.”

Razorwing radiated confidence as he sat up straight. “Hah! The armies of hell themselves will learn to fear our names!”

Paul nodded, a smirk etched in his mask. “That’s what I like to hear. Let’s you and I give em’ something to call hell...bird.”

…

“Looks like everything’s ready.”

“Just about.”

The man and woman were sitting inside a small tent, just the two of them and their supplies. The man was sitting idle, while the woman was chewing on a piece of jerky. He looked at her with a near unreadable expression.

“Hungry?” she asked in between bites. He shook his head.

“Not a fan of jerky?”

He shook his head again. “I don’t care what I eat, Leianna. I’m just not hungry right now.”

The cleric shrugged, still chewing. “Suit yourself.” Taking another bite, she looked off to the side in thought. “Man, all they’ve got left around here is cheese and jerky.”

“Not much else can last months without spoiling,” Lexius noted.

“Hey, I’m not complaining. Food’s food, and cheese and jerky are damn fine.”

Lexius sighed. The priest looked sullen and out of it. Leianna noticed this, and gave him a questioning look.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just...I wish I could have...been of more use.”

“How so?”

The man held his hands out. “I...I was poor support on the field. I’m an awful combatant. I spent half my time here bedridden. I failed to come prepared. I...I even...Leianna, if I had been with you when we split into two groups...perhaps Basilrin’s brother and Tourthun would be-”

“Hey. Monk boy.” Leianna gave him a firm glare, as if chastising him. “Listen to me, you fool. You came here of your own volition. You waltzed into a hellhole full of the darkest beings the world can offer with scrappy armor, a chipped iron blade and a tiny wooden shield. You never trained for combat. You healed a goddamned DRAGON, Lexius.”

He was about to respond, but Leianna put a hand on his shoulder and smiled. “You kicked ass out here. No one expected some guy from a church to make it this far, but here you are.”

The priest lowered his head and laughed. Leianna raised a brow. “Err...Lexius?”

“Heh...yeah, I guess you’re right. No use in feeling sorry for myself. I did what I could. That’s...all you can really do.”

“Hey, that’s the spirit!” Leianna grinned and patted him on the shoulder. “Look, I’ve got plenty of things I wish I’d done differently too, but there’s no turning back the clock. You live with what you do, and you do the best you can.”

Lexius looked up at the cleric hopefully. “Sister Leianna...could you join me in prayer?”

The woman shrugged. “I don’t see why not.” She shoved the rest of the jerky in her mouth, chewing loudly as she rushed to finish her meal.

Lexius took out his cross, from under his armor. The small, wooden symbol appeared hand-carved by him, if its quality was any indication.

Leianna wiped her mouth and took out her own, pulling it from a pouch. The handheld crosses were more good luck charms than anything, not blessed or magical in any way. It was a simple reminder of God, carried on each church member’s person to serve as a constant source of hope and faith.

Lexius bowed his head, cross clutched underneath his hand and held onto by both hands. Leianna followed the gesture.

“Through God and the intercession of Saint Martin, we stand firm against the work of the enemy,” Lexius said, his voice low and clear.

“We thought we may have died and been sent to the underworld for our transgressions, for we are surrounded by grinning faces of demons,” Leianna continued. The pair continued to alternate between each line.

“Even in death, even in the underworld, despite our true odds, we will never waver. Such is the burden of the faithful.”

Lexius’ eyes were squeezed tight as he brought the prayer to a close. “Guide us now, for we do the bidding of the Lord, our God. Allow us to fulfill our duty, no matter the cost. No matter the cost…”

“Amen.”

Despite having reached the end, Lexius did not rise as Leianna had.

“No matter the cost…”

The cleric looked at the priest with a notable degree of concern. “Lexius…?”

“No matter the cost…”

…

“This catastrophe was man-made! I’ve seen it for myself!” Charles stood among a group of humans, the first few militiamen who had answered the call. Several of them, in their light uniforms of cloth and wielding simple weapons, leered at him in disdain.

Though Alexander and the others had been through enough with the magician to trust him, but as he had always been told, the common folk saw him as little more than a monstrous chimera.

“What the hell do you know?!” one of the levies shouted, eliciting cries of agreement throughout the crowd.

“I recovered documents from the college! One of the wizards said himself that he did it!”

“Oh yeah?! Where’s your proof?”

Charles frowned. “I gave them to my friend, the professor. He left with the rest of the citizens in the evacuation.”

“How awfully convenient,” one of the men mused. A few voice called out in agreement once more.

“Whatever!” the dragonoid cried, throwing his hands up, “I don’t care if you believe me or not! The truth will come out on its own!”

“Yeah right. I bet YOU did it!”

“M-me?!” Charles reeled back, “Why would I do that?!”

“It’s in your blood!” Cheers erupted through the crowd at those words, the magician clutching at his shoulders defensively.

“T-that’s not true. I make my own path...my origins do not determine my future…”

“Yeah, right! Say, if you’re one of them...I wonder if you’ve got any secrets you’re hiding…?”

A few men stepped forward, their stances clearly hostile. Their eyes glinted with malicious intent, and their grin were anything but friendly.

“W-what’s this?!” Charles shouted, shaken. He backed up, nervous about where this was going.

“Why are you wearing that?” one of the men asked, reaching out for his wizard hat. Though he grabbed it, Charles threw his arm away, clutching onto the hat possessively.

“Don’t touch me! Don’t touch my things! They aren’t yours!”

The man smirked. “Are you hiding something under there, beast?”

Their approach quickened, even as the dragonoid began backpedaling.

“L-leave me alone! Stop it!”

“Show us what you’re hiding!” Several shouts rang out through the Citadel. Some from the mob of soldiers, some from citizens around the camp that saw what was happening.

Charles, focused on the approaching men, failed to notice a rock behind him. His foot slipped as he tripped over it, falling to the ground on his back. He sat up, and just as it looked like the mob was about to descend on him…

“That’s ENOUGH!”

Blinking, the fallen dragonoid looked over to the source of the bellowing voice. Sure enough, the knight was stomping over, though not in his armor. Still, he had his sword on his hip, and looked suitably authoritative enough anyway. Behind him, a few others followed, most notably Wurie.

“Causing trouble, are we?”

The knight’s demeanor seemed to shake the mob of levies out of it, many quickly backing away from Charles.

“W-we were just-”

“Harassing the people you were sent to help? Yeah, I noticed. What’s next? Gonna mug a few of the wolves? Attack the birds?”

“No,” a single voice answered meekly. The knight scowled at the group.

“Which one of you imbeciles is in command here?” He demanded. A lone soldier answered.

“Captain Howard, sir. He’s outside.”

Alexander stepped forward and grabbed the man by the neck, pulling him close. The others gasped, but didn’t interfere.

“Tell your captain to get his men under control,” he growled, voice dripping with venomous hostility, “NOW.”

“Y-yessir,” he squeaked, stumbling backwards as Alexander released him.

“Crawl on out of here, all of you. You’re not welcome.”

As the group turned to leave back through the sewers, the knight called out one last time.

“If I catch you attacking any more citizens, you’ll be hanging from his majesty’s gallows for treason!”

As the group fled, Alexander turned to Charles, still sitting on the ground. He quickly extended a hand. “You all right?”

“I-I think so.” the magician grabbed the man’s hand, letting himself be pulled to his feet with a grunt.

“Ah...thank you, Alexander.”

“Don’t worry about it. The nerve…!”

Charles smiled as he dusted himself off. “I’m thankful to have friends in such affluent stations…”

The knight grimaced. “I don’t like throwing my weight around, but in these situations I hardly have a choice.”

“What in the world was that?” Wurie asked, “They were like...common rabble! Like the thugs whose fights I had to break up back in the day!”

“That’s what happens with the army,” Alexander noted. He frowned as he looked over to the exit, hands on his hips.

“These aren’t elite soldiers of the king. These aren’t contractors or professionals. These are levies, militia and common folk. They don’t have the discipline a lifer has. Force them to stay on duty without an enemy to fight, and eventually they’ll starting picking their own fights.”

Wurie tilted his head. “Sounds like you’ve dealt with this before.”

“Comes with the territory. Command enough armies and you know the best and worst of it inside and out.”

“Still...unacceptable,” muttered Wurie. He looked deeply wounded by the proceedings.

“Captain? You okay?”

The wolfman shook his head. “It’s...nothing. Just remembering the exile.”

“Similar treatment?”

“Very.”

Alexander crossed his arms. “Things are going to change around here. I don’t know how, but they will.”

Wurie smiled despite himself. “I...appreciate the optimism. I would say I don’t believe it but...I already said that about you saving our people. I fear I’d be eating my words yet again if I said such a thing!”

The knight shrugged, a small smile at the corner of his lips. “Guess we’ll just have to see, huh? So how about…”

A shadow taking up the entire middle of the camp cause him to trail off. While the twilight wasn’t much, it was noticeable now that it was gone.

He barely had a moment to look up before a green dragon dropped down the hole and into the Citadel. Basilrin.

“They are here! The king’s men are here!”

There was a lengthy silence as the crowd looked at one another. A few citizens walked over at the dragon’s call, including the others that had been journeying together with Alexander all this time.

Looking back, the knight gave them a nod. At last, the end was here. Alexander closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“It’s time.”

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[curly-q-reviews]

VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL

Below Her Mouth, 2016 (dir. April Mullen)

WARNING SPOILERS AND LOTS OF SEX TALK AHEAD TREAD WITH CAUTION

HEY Y’ALL we interrupt the regular programming for a special feature!!  i always like to do a lil valentines day special viewing for the sake of being festive and for once ive actually gotten some dating action in my life so i was in the mood to watch some sweet romance and then review it for ur reading pleasure (emphasis on the PLEASURE ehugeguehgehgeugeghe) (assassinate me now i deserve it)

to preface this, i am VERY gay.  well uuhhh bi but a very GAY bi u know??  basically i curse my attraction to men every waking moment of my life.  ive known about this since my last few years of college and am out to basically everyone whos important, and a lot of my friends are lgbtq+ so u know its official and everything.  i dont really claim to be a Gay Expert  cause i actually am still lacking a lot of uuhhh physical experience if u catch my drift HOWEVER like a true scholar i have done my fair share of research.  which mainly includes watching really shitty lesbian movies and mocking them (and every so often watching a rare Good Lesbian Movie and crying A LOT). 

if u are of sapphic inclination as well then u probably already know the kind of reputation lesbian romance movies have overall, the prime examples of which would be movies like Room in Rome and Loving Annabelle.  these movies all seem to have one thing in common, and its that the directors and writers have no goddamn clue about how to write a convincing and authentic lesbian romance.  u also always get the sense that the male gaze is the one being prioritized cause theres always PLENTY of gratuitous sex and the romance part itself is uuhhhh never really developed well or thoroughly enough at all.  these movies are usually about a straight girl who discovers her affinity for the feminine when she meets a total stranger and suddenly cant stop thinking about how much she wants to bang her.  and then in-between all the banging they somehow find the time to fall madly in love with each other but the straight girl just CANT cause shes STRAIGHT or she has a FIANCE or her PARENTS wouldnt approve or whatever the fuck the conflict of the day is and either it ends with them never seeing each other again or with the straight girl coming to terms with her not-straightness and ***follow her heart*** or whatever

really the only lesbian movies i can recall actually enjoying would be Pariah (PLEASE check this movie out its so heart-wrenching and beautiful and its like a majority-black cast!!!) and Blue Is the Warmest Color (this one i loved at first but the more i reflect on it the more problems i find with it, ESPECIALLY with how much sex is in it).  and then The L Word is a stellar tv series up until like the last few seasons which are trash but otherwise it was a great watch for me, especially while i was still figuring things out.  i feel like there are more that ive seen that were pretty good but i cant think of them at the moment WHOOPS LOL

so with Below Her Mouth i was apprehensive but hopeful going in, although i had heard rumors that it was Real Bad.  and u know i shouldve listened to those rumors and not bothered with this movie cause WOW its bad!!!  script is TRASH, acting is TRASH WITH FEBREEZE SPRAYED ON IT, and it looks like an artsy pretentious film student shot it.  natalie krill had maybe one good acting moment in the whole 90-minute run time and erika linder is really really hot and those are the only two good things i can think to say about this

fuck ok uuhhh i guess ill talk about the main characters cause OH WOW theyre basically two walking talking cliches.  jasmine (yes her name is jasmine that totally doesnt sound like the name of a character in a porn at all) is our Token Straight Girl who has a fiance and is a fashion editor.  she first sees our other romantic lead while working on the roof of a house next door to hers.  shes ur typical Lesbian Romance Movie Butch, too cool for school and unable to commit to anyone ever and is kind of an asshole but somehow this is supposed to endear u to her.  oh and guess what her name is.  just guess.  ill give u a few minutes.

DALLAS ITS FUCKING DALLAS HOOWEE WHAT A SHOCKER

the first thing we see of dallas, and this is also the first fuckin shot of the movie, is her uuhhh scissoring her girlfriend???  humping her?????  i really dont know what shes trying to accomplish but shes clearly not having any fun while doing it and her girlfriends like “i love u” and shes like “im moving out bye” and thats it

real compelling i know

so jasmine and her bff manage to stumble upon the lesbian bar in town (which dallas calls a girl party???  why??????) where dallas meets her and proceeds to be completely and utterly creepy in ways ive only ever seen men be which is the first indicator that the person who made this movie, april mullen, is maybe not gay at all (or maybe she is and just has horrible taste?? idk man).  but somehow the creepiness is a real turn on for ol’ jazzy and they start making out IMMEDIATELY but then jasmines like “i have a fiance gotta go!!!!” and yeets herself out of the situation

but of course this is a lesbian romance so u know they meet up again and proceed to have like half an hours worth of steamy gratuitous porn-style sex.  there was a lot of strap-on action involved and a lot of bizarre scissoring that i dont even think i can call scissoring cause it was more like they were just weirdly bumping their vagoos against each other and somehow that was getting them both off.  like sometimes the sex scenes in this movie bordered on tommy wiseau levels of weird. 

oh and of course the fiance finds out about this secret love affair but WOW do they really do this in the most dramatic and unintentionally hilarious way possible.  he literally comes home early from his business trip and walks in on dallas going to town on jasmine with a strap on in the bath tub, like theyre ferociously going at it.  i swear to god i felt like i was watching a comedy at times with this movie

piggybacking off of that, jesus christ this script is bad.  ooooohhhh its so bad.  dallas is given the cringiest tough guy lines, like shes drinking beers with a friend and the friend is like “oh man i gotta catch up to u” and, hilariously, dallas is like “you cant catch up cause nO oNe WiLl EvEr CaTcH mE” and i almost choked on my own saliva.  oh god wait heres another zinger, so when she first meets jasmine shes like “do u come to girl parties often (again why the everloving FUCK is she calling it a girl party????)” and jasmines like “i don’t come at all” and the next thing to come out of dallas’s suave sexy mouth is “TeRriBLe NeWs CaN i ChAnGe ThAt FoR yOu” OH my GOD

and good god shes so creepy.  like some of the shit she pulls is borderline sexual assault.  her and jasmine are just at a bar chillin and dallas reaches down and im like “oh ok shes gonna like put her hand on her knee classic move” but NOPE OH NO she just makes a beeline STRAIGHT for jasmines crotch IN THE MIDDLE OF A BAR!!!  THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND!!!!!!  OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

at one point after another round of passionate lovemaking dallas brings jasmine back to her house and theyre in dallas’s truck and they just??  slap each other???  for no reason?????  except for True Love i guess????????????

jesus.  just.  this was an experience.  i would say dont bother watching it but i did at least have fun making fun of it so if thats ur sort of thing knock ur socks off, its on netflix.  but wow this basically fits the stereotype of a lesbian romance movie PERFECTLY, and when u really break it down its just a fancy porn.  i wouldnt even say its a porn geared towards actual wlw cause theres so many elements about the sex scenes that reminded me of the kind of lesbian porn thats made for straight men to jack off to.  0/10 BAD BYE

well shit ok i hope u all had a great valentines day!!  im gonna go start a roofing business in the hopes that i end up working on a roof of a house thats right next to a really hot straight girl with a fiance so i can try to finger-bang her in the middle of an occupied bar wish me luck!!!!!

[jasonblossomsghost]

1-64 and 65: If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?mm no more my own? i dissociate Constantly

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?4 unless i’m w someone else then 1

3. The person you would never want to meet?drumpf

4. What is your favorite word?hmm idk iridocyclitis is fun, a meme, and i work for an eye doctor so relevant to my occupation

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?i like weeping willows and i cry a lot so

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?we’re really doing this again huh

7. What shirt are you wearing?a long sleeved red and navy striped shirt that my mommy gave me

8. What do you label yourself as?a disaster

9. Bright room or dark room?bright room. fun fact: when i was ab 13 i could not sleep unless my overhead light was on. sometimes if im doing really badly i still need it lmao

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?uhh iirc i was talking to my boyfriend and playing wordscapes

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?idk 19 is going ok so far

12. Who told you they loved you last?my boyfriend

13. Your worst enemy?either myself or this one coworker of mine who i genuinely hate

14. What is your current desktop picture?just the preset one,,, idc that much lmao

15. Do you like someone?i mean my s/o is pretty cool sometimes

16. The last song you listened to?Outside - The Early November

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?me bitch tf

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?that one coworker... this one patient at my job who degrades me and my coworkers constantly

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?no one and nothing... i like to do things myself

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)idk tbh 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?don’t really like this question or the phrase opposite sex in general  so pass /:

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?nah i’m Talentless

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?you know overflow drains in like bathtubs? until i was like 10 i had to have my back against them bc i was scared people could watch me through it 

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.i live off popcorn so i dont eat or like sandwiches really

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?put it in savings. i’m tryna move out in 6 months

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?hmm idk. i have a friend in san francisco i havent seen in forever so that would be lit

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?smirnoff 100%

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no geminis

29. What is your favorite expletive?fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?i was gonna say my fire safe box that has my social security card, birth certificate, etc then i was like wait a minute... but tbh idk maybe my laptop? or my purse?

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?my childhood was like 98% trauma but like.. it made me not suck that bad so i’ll keep it

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!i wanna move to seattle but thats in country so.. no idea. sweden? i like ikea

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?don’t fuck w the dead. no one is coming back

34. What was your last dream about?last sunday night i dreamt i woke up monday (christmas eve) and didnt go to work even though i was supposed to (paranoia. i had the day off lmao)

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?i am very good at loving dogs

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?yeah lots of times lmao

37. Have you ever built a snowman?yep. shitty but a snowman

38. What is the color of your socks?black

39. What type of music do you like?depends. sad boi music lately

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?sunrises 100%

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?i can’t drink milk /: but maybe strawberry

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)i am gay idk sports

43. Do you have any scars?quite a few! i’m a clumsy clusterfuck

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?i’m currently in college for poli sci and after i graduate w my BA, i wanna go to law school

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?idk?? like i hate myself but i also dont really wanna change anything

46. Are you reliable?generally yes. but i am known to cancel plans bc i’m depressed lol

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?hows life dude

48. Do you hold grudges?oh hell yeah not gonna play like i dont

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?nope dont like that At All

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?nothing really stands out... probably something from work but i take 100 calls a day so? they all blur together

51. Are you a good liar?really good. i don’t lie though. i’m actually brutally honest bordering on asshole

52. How long could you go without talking?dayssss i love not speaking

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?uhh freshman year i had an awful side part... next

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?yeah! i’m really great at cooking and baking!

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?not really? i took 2 years french and 4 years spanish and to pronounce properly i have to talk differently so i guess i kinda take on an accent then? but not actually

56. What do you like on your toast?i have celiac and gluten free bread is like $5 i dont eat toast lmao

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?i had to do a portrait in the style of francis bacon for my art final

58. What would be you dream car?ideally something that uses clean energy other than that idc

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.no and no.. i just shower what y’all doing in the shower

60. Do you believe in aliens?1000000%

61. Do you often read your horoscope?not often.. like if i happen across it i’ll read it

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?i’m not sure. m is a nice letter

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?dinosaurs bc they were real

64. What do you think about babies?honestly? terrified of them 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.if i were a bird maybe a magpie? or a crow or raven? or one of those really annoying parakeets

[hobisolostan]

85 question tag thing 🏹

tagged by: @sleepbugs (ilu !!! 😙)

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 (lmao funnyyyy) people

tagging: uhmmmmmmmmmmm @libraop @justinsgf @lilchims @namugf @brightjoon @moon9oddess @joonsgoth

last:

1. drink: h2o 

2. phone call: my mom

3. text message: my yearbook group chat .. its just spams from my friend cause she’s touring Europe ALONE , lucky bitch

4. song you listened to: always you - astro (stan talent !!!) 

5. time you cried: two days ago ish

ever:

6. dated someone twice: no

7. kissed someone and regretted it: what is this kiss?

8. been cheated on: no

9. lost someone special: yea

10. been depressed: is this a question?

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no

12. favorite colours: blues/neutrals 

in the last year have you:

15. made new friends: yup!!

16. fallen out of love: no

17. laughed until you cried: yea ig ?? not like crying with tears streaming down my face but definitely a few tears slipped out 

18. found out someone was talking about you: o yea

19. met someone who changed you: yup

20. found out who your friends are: lets not go there :)

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: nope

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: all of them ??? stranger danger kids dont friend people u dont know irl

23. do you have any pets: skjfl i wish :(( 

24. do you want to change your name: no actually, as much as i hate when it gets mispronounced and not like even a tiny mispronunciation, it literally gets butchered :) , it has a lot of ties and significance to my culture which is important to me

25. what did you do for your last birthday: my friend whom i would die for (the one in Europe rn) invited me over to her place and her and two other friends planned surprised gifts and hot pot ! her mom literally paid for all the ingredients akfdskjl i love her sm :(( 

26. what time did you wake up today: 7 am, my body she just did it ? idk lol

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching a horror movie

28. what is something you can’t wait for: MONSTA X CONCERT TOMORROW AKFSJD;LF IM SO MFCKING EXCITEDDD GONNA SEE ALL MY BABIES 🤩🤩🤩🤩

29. what are you listening to right now: aint nobody takin my baby - russ

30. when was the last time you saw your mom: this morning

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: no

32. something that gets on your nerves: narrow-mindedness, arrogance, ignorance, when ppl chew with their mouth open skfsjldfjs

33. most visited website: definitely between tumblr and youtube 

34. hair colour: black

35. long or short hair: short, it’s just below chin level rn sklfjsld

36. do you have a crush on someone: u ask me when hoseok is right ... there ?

37. what do you like about yourself: uh my lips and dimples and the fact that I’m pretty self-driven 

38. want any piercings: more like need ????? ive been wanting double helix piercings for the longesstttt time. might get some this year .. hopefully

39. blood type: i literally dont even know sklfjskd but its definitely a or b or ab since my parents are a combination of those 

40. nicknames: utshee ? just my normal name but instead of the ending ah sound its an “e” as in the letter e lol and then ironically its usa, long back story id rather not get into lol. shira if ur reading this u know 😔

41. relationship status: married to hoseok obviously

42. zodiac: this is virgo solidarity !!! 

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv shows: dont really watch tv shows anymore tbh but the last good one i can remember was supernatural but its .. been awhile lmao

45. tattoos: nooooooo , i want a few small ones tho one day when im of age

46. right handed or left handed: normal regular righty 

47. ever had surgery: nope, i did fracture my arm once tho when i was like uh 2-3 

48. piercings: 2! just regular earlobe piercings, one on each

49. sport: volleyball, lacrosse, and gymnastics i did for a while competitively. i also love ultimate frisbee and long distance running on my free time

50. vacation: i havent been out of country since i came here to the states ksdjsdf my family just isn’t one of those that take family trips, at least out of country 😔ig my last family vacation was 2016 winter break where we drove down to las vegas and arizona to see the grand canyon. it was so damn cold omg

51. trainers: um i have superstars and two pairs of nikes that i wear on the daily. i really want some new van slip ons tho ugh 

more general:

52. eating: i eat literally everything lmao, im one of the least picky eaters tbh but i prefer seafood over meat. i still like and eat meat but sometimes id just .. rather not lol

53. drinking: water !!!!!!!!!! ( i down a good 10 cups at least everyday) i also love boba so much omggg u dont understand but i really do try to limit myself 😔

54. i’m about to watch: perfect man jimin focus skdjfklsdf jimin stans raise up for ur national anthem !!!!!

55. waiting for: college apps to be over even tho they technically havent opened yet akfjds;lfs

56. want: to go into my career field with zero in debt so basically impossible but a girl can dream :( 

57. get married: yea if it happens sure

58. career: medical !!! looking into anesthesiologist but im not set on anything, just wanna do Doctors Without Borders as my end career goal 😔

which is better:

59. hugs or kisses: kisses pls 

60. lips or eyes: eyes bc they just convey sooo much about a person but also pls ... if ur lips are as cracked as the sidewalk outside of my house we’re never smooching 

61. shorter or taller: definitely taller, also wanna be the little spoon during cuddles so yea

62. older or younger: older for sure because i look at the underclassmen and shudder in disgust bc they’re ur typical overgrown yet immature high school students. honestly dont know wtf happened to selecting genuine students to enroll into our school but skfjsdfjs im out of there in less than a year so whatever

63. nice arms or stomach: arms bc i like tummies but if u have abs i dont mind either

64. hookup or relationship: can’t really see myself doing hookups so relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: depends? i definitely want a playful relationship but they should know when their behavior is verging on immature so ig slightly  leaning on the more hesitant side

have you ever:

66. kissed a stranger: no

67. drank hard liquor: o yeaaa, new years eve and home alone with my in-college cousin lmaoo

68. lost glasses: I LOST MY FIRST PAIR IN 5 MONTHS AND I STILL DONT KNOW WHERE THEY ARE ???? i had to buy another pair after begging my parents for a good 2 months bc the first pair were so mfcking expensive ksfjsld tbh the ones i wear right now are a lot cuter tho so 

69. turned someone down: yes

70. sex on first date: no

71. broken someone’s heart: maybe ? dont know to the extent the other person liked me so

72. had your heart broken: no

73. been arrested: no

74. cried when someone died: yea

75. fallen for a friend: yea 

do you believe in:

76. yourself: love urself right hahha :)) lmao im trying ig

77. miracles: hmm sure 

78. love at first sight: idk depends, im neutral. definitely think theres more to it tho

79. santa claus: no, wish i was still at that age where i did 

80. kiss on first date: hmm depends

81. angels: yea

other:

82. best friend’s name: i have two: one’s andreana and the other is sybil (the one who left me here to die while she went to europe yea, love that betrayer)

83. eye colour: dark brown

84. fave movie: was gonna say black panther but thats too much of a popular opinion so the ritual ?? its a horror movie which i love so much omg fljsd and it was surprisingly good ??? definitely have not said that about a horror movie in the longest time bc the newer ones are always so cringy and predictable 

85. fave actor: mistre kim seokjin of course 🤩🤩

[audible--silence]

Words from the north - the whole unedited note from my phone

//

Words from the north

Watching the sunset over the Cape range tunes. A light yellow through to dark blue gradient swings through the sky with a string of Aqua running down the centre a single star sits above as a full moon shines lightening up the town of Exmouth after a day spent in the sun in the sand

-

I am convinced the only difference between the average joe and a poet is one pays attention to life, understands the dictionary and writes things down

-

From the one day the conditions called for hoodies and cameras rather than wetsuits and surfboards

-

Smelling like mosquito spray, salt water and sweat is a way of life

-

Surf forecast up here looks like sitting in SoSo looking out the window staring at a palm tree to figure out what the wind is doing and asking ya mates that walk in the door “hows the surf?”

-

You know you’re doing something right when you start feeling guilty for all the fun you’re having

-

And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you meddling kooks

-

From that one time we thought itd be a good time to be homeless together for a week. By the end of it we were somewhere between brothers, lovers and mortal enemies all at once

#fucktony

#whothefuckistony

-

Sea’s of red dirt and shrubs for hours and hours and hours on end

-

Karijini

The sound of birds chirping, the wind rustling through the tall grass and the camp fire crackling away as the sun hides away behind the towering mountains im front of us. Shades of purple, red and yellow take over from the normal red, green and blue that make up the scene. I relax into a camp chair as twilight starts to take over. Indi is editing photos while Noems takes charge of dinner. Despite many attempts at offering help, we were both benched from kitchen duties. Another day of adventure comes to a close and the contentment sets in alongside the anticipation of what tomorrow may hold

-

Worth the wakeup knock on the car at 4am in the freezing cold

Worth the bitter windchills knocking our balance on the slippery rocky path up in the dark

Worth racing the sun to the top of the mountain

Worth choosing between having my fingers warm or my camera in my hand

Worth struggling to see by the light of a phone torch

Worth not feeling my fingers for two hours

Worth it for the golden yellow and blue light peeling over the horizon

Worth it for the feeling of being awake and alive before the sun is up

Worth it for the view of the cliffs side

Worth it for seeing the wind blasting trees

Worth it for the view from the top

Worth it for the oranges on the way down

Worth it for the tunes and singalongs

Worth it for the smoked salmon croissants

Worth it for the snacks and the beers in the carpark

-

But first, let me check my engine oil 🤙

-

You can tell where all our money went when you look at us, none of it went into shoes

-

At a fucked up level though thats just evolution. The strongest survive (colonialism)

-

“But what are ya gonna do with that information though? Just make your own meaning and chase that” (on the topic of the meaning of life)

-

The ritual of fires every evening after a days adventure and then every morning to boil the water for our coffee before we go again

-

The grit that came off my skin

The knots that became of my hair

The red dust that washed off me as I stepped into the first bit of hot water id felt in what felt like a very long time

The black under my finger nails

The red and yellow stains on my hands that the soap didnt wash off.

The holes in my shorts, tshirts and sweater

The red stains on my towel after drying my face

The rash on my face after shaving

-

Tilting your head back in ya camp chair to escape the heat of the roaring campfire and getting a glimpse at the sky absolutely glowing with stars was a constant reminder of how fucking good we’d got it

-

And you say sheeeeeesh

nice garyyyy

-

“Oi dad, what are ya doin?”

“25 ak47’s and a piece of plywood, thats what im doin”

-

Im in full travel mode now. All i think about is whens my next meal, when do i have work and hows the surf. Also wheres my weed.”

-

This post brought to you by…

-

All my friends do lots of drugs

-

“Ya livin the dream ya lucky shit” - taes dad, post

surf

-

An observation about all the people you see on social media who you idolize in some capacity: when you meet them in real life, no matter how much idolization or importance you think they carry, when you meet them in person, they all still behave like normal people

-

I’ve completely left behind my old way of life.

I’ve forgotten what its like to go to a bar.

To dress cool.

To think about what im wearing.

To think about impressing people.

To think about who to see.

To think about what event to choose from.

I’ve forgotten what its like to look up at tall buildings.

To see lots of concrete.

To walk past unfamiliar faces that dont smile when you walk past them.

To order coffee in a takeaway cup.

To eat nice food.

To see my friends at pica bar for drinks at the last minute plan

-

There came a time about two months in where i began to get over it all.

Doing dishes with a water bottle and a tea towel that smelt like smoke. Sitting in the drivers seat on your phone, tired because you dont want to have to brush your teeth with a water bottle and climb like a contortionist into your car’s bed every night. Sick of having to plan when i want to take a shit. Sick of having to set up and pack down my kitchen every time i want a coffee or some lunch.

Sick of not having anywhere to be but knowing im in one of the most beautiful places in the world and feeling a burning pressure to see it all. Sick of having to buy ice every two days

Sick of emptying water from my esky

Sick of laundromats and planning how long I’ll last on a single outfit

Sick of worrying if im spending too much time sitting in the cafe

Sick of being the tag along in everybody else’s group of mates

Sick of drinking beer every shift

-

As time goes by, you learn the intricacies of a place. Where all the rocks are on the track to the camp. Who in the carpark not to wave at and who to have a chat to. Where and when to be to get a free drink. How to steal a shower. When

-

More and more i find while living out of my car thst routine is important. Something to ground you. For me, its making coffee out of the car, no matter how inconvenient it is. Before inevitably giving up and buying an oat flatty at soso. - talk more about habits

-

Some things that dont grow old:

Seeing the surf going off

Seeing familiar faces out and about

Turtles next to you in the water

Whales breaching in the distance

The moon rising over the ocean or the ranges

The sky full of stars when the moon doesn’t shine

The sun and the warmth no matter the season

Town beach hangs with good crew

The feeling of a shower after a few days of salt water

The people at work

The chats at work

Free beer at work

The life in the oceans

The vibe of fun

Never knowing where you’re gonna end up after you wake up

-

Whatd you see when you nearly died?

A big pair of tittys and a snickers bar

-

The moon rises in front of me for the third night in a row. I watch it from my car, a leftover slice of pizza from work in one hand and my phone in the other. Im one of the very few people lucky enough to witness this insanely beautiful sight and yet it feels in this moment it feels unextraordinary. How spoilt with wonder must you be for this to feel normal. The same goes for this whole place. This is paradise and right now this is home. This is standard. Only when I get back to Perth and am able to look back with the 20/20 vision that is hindsight and realize just how special it all was.

-

I wish I was more conscious at the hour of 6am, snug in my bed, parked in the bush as the sun rises over the bay in front of me. An explosion of pink and gold dominates the sky, shining through the bushes and the trees around me. The sound of the waves crashing behind the birds chirping. An easterly wind rustles lightly through the trees. I’m so sure it’s beautiful. If only I was awake to take it all in.

Instead, i roll over and try and escape the golden light for a minute or two more.

-

Hey siri play lots of nothing by spacey jane

-

Sometimes Id like not to feel like a fugitive when i take a shower, other times, the stars as my landlord is a pretty good deal

-

Its not a mistake its a decision

-

Maker of questionable decisions

-

I dont wanna face this day for fear of what will come. For I know how good it can be, and I know the fuckery that this day holds

-

Holy fuck thats a lot of cars

Yeah its cos nobody fuckin lives anywhere

-

To be fair I’d stalk you

-

A happy change of plans

Like all good road trips, this one started out with unfortunate circumstance, poor planning and a significant lack of caution. We planned for months to leave WA and drive across the nullabor, up through NSW and into QLD and at the 11th hour, three days before we were due to leave, we find out that covid has closed the borders. Again.

So with a house I had already moved out of, a plan in shambles on behalf of a big bad virus, and a car all prepped and ready to leave, we did the only reasonable thing to do. Changed course by a few thousand km’s and headed north with no idea what we would do, where we would sleep, what we would eat, where we would stay, who we would hang with and where we would surf.

Our first day saw lots of last minute preparations, plenty of driving to all manner of songs and podcasts from everything to the worlds dumbest grifters to Australian alcoholics talking about orgasms. I shut the door on 25 Chatham Road for the last time. We drove through familiar and unfamiliar roads. Memories of standing on the side of these very roads ripe in my mind. Except this time, with my whole life in the backseat of the car, in a setup Reubs and I built. Hell of an upgrade from a backpack and a thumb. After hours of rolling green hills, that resembled what I imagine new zealand to look like we parked up on the side of the road. Very true to form. We set up the tent, brushed our teeth and had dinner in the form of a banana and a beer and then got to bed as the sun set. I woke up at 25 Chatham and now I find myself falling asleep somewhere between Northampton and Kalbarri in my car.

-

“Traveling is just tetris on wheels mate”

-

No matter how far away you travel to try and escape modern society, if you look up at night, you will still see a satellite and you will be reminded that no matter where you go, you are a member of a species that can get itself to space

-

Shit i like:

Squeezing kenny

Cooking in car parks

Paying for wifi and toilets with beer or hot chocolates

Surfing. All day

Chatting shit

Brownies

Staring at the stars

Dunes

Eating brownies, chatting shit and staring at the stars under the shade at dunes.

Hunters

Making new friends everywhere

Chatting to literally everyone

Having nowhere to be and never thinking about home

Telling Tony to get fucked

Surfing bombie and paddling back in twilight glassy waters

Dinners and laughs with friends in the whalebone carpark

Breaking into RAC for a shower

Coffee dates at soso

Waking up to ben packing a tent

Laughing till my ribs hurt

Tonic water with lime

No internet for weeks

Chatting to esther and alice at dunes

Staring at groms wiping out

Carpark hangs

Never having an empty passenger seat

Never being able to see out the rear view mirror

Never being alone

Cooking in the carpark opposite the cop shop

Drying shit on the car every time we parked

Listening to lots of nothing a million times

Chaos at froth consisting of surprise drinks, random chats and boats

-

And the curtain closes.

On two months and nine days of nonstop adventure and fun. Unpredictable, unprecedented fun. The people you met were of a caliber I’d not encountered and never considered to be my own but from the get go and proved time and time again over the course of my time up north, they were.

I dont know how I’m going to fare when I get off this plane in two hours and have to see my parents, exist in cold weather, deal with a broken car, find a place to call home, figure out a new job and find my way with my friends who I can never be the same with after this.

The wheels are up. Fleeting views of the ningaloo coast and the cape range out each side of the planes window; a farewell of what I’m going to be missing. The red dirt and wildflowers underneath us where I’ve spent most of my nights sleeping look exactly as they always are. Untouched and still. I know I’ll be back soon. I’ve got so much more to see. So many more people left to meet. So many more memories left to make. So many more waves left to surf. So many more beers left to pour. So many more sunsets left to see.

Exmouth, for two months you sure have changed me.

-

Tiger,

I dont know your history brother but if i had to take a look into your past im guessing id see a lot of pain, chaos, missing love and bad mates who dont know that they’re bad.

You’re a good dude man im so fuckin sure of it but you seem so hell bent on starting a fight and proving a point. To whom i dont know. Your break up has obviously destroyed you and your coping mechanism is alcohol and trying to get with women. You’re incredibly kind and generous to your friends and a fierce antagonist to anyone who isn’t. You need help and you know it but you dont know how to find it or who to ask.

The hardest thing about you is that you need to change your whole view of life. Theres more than you think to it. I know there’s someone in there waiting to be found. I wanna be the guy holding the torch while you search.

You’re a good guy,

I dont wanna see you get killed by some drunk in a fight or waste yourself away in a bottle and a job you hate because you didn’t know there was another option.

[sheencko]

mr. moreau

an unfinished scrap of a novel i am not sure ill continue

i can see it its a diamond with the crossroads its white borders from my cracked window up here

i ‘ave to get that fixed)—  just below the fog (the fog is low today)

—and its on top of the street that was just painted

oh yesterday or maybe the day before that

or something,

i think

black as my genevieve’s ‘air

two bodies crisscrossed atop of each other and splattered like paint on a black canvas, a pollack of angry reds and i cant see their face cause theyve been ravaged by the hard concrete and im so high up looking down like a dreamer into a field of rye and i shudder because oh, how painful is that but i also suppose,

when youre fallin i guess you only feel the woosh of the wind under you and maybe your soul leaves your body before your body breaks into a million teeny tiny pieces and everything inside you that youve ever dreamed flows out of you like a bucket tipping over onto a tile floor—maybe

maybe its a perpetual fear and youre trapped inside a perpetual cycle of mind numbing terror because youre falling to your doom and you regret that your feet left the edge in the first place and maybe, maybe you shoulda called your mom and then told her that you loved her one last time or apologized to the man that you bumped into while you were hurrying home yesterday and the tears are flying from your face ‘cause you can see them surrounding your grave wearin nothing but black and your father is silent but a kind of silent youve never seen before and in that second you can just SEE him taking the same path you are and then

maybe the fear grips your limbs like god coming down and punishing you but all you feel is a childish sort of aversion an “i dont wanna” cause you dont wanna—you dont wanna die cause you have so so much to live for and youre cryin to some big fat man up in the sky but whats he gonna do? he cant stop you

but i wouldn’ know but i took the elevator and went down to look at the scene anyway cause we’re all drawn to the misfortune of others anyway like nothing more than moths having an orgy on a blue flame

mr. steinway was next to me in the elevator; he lived on the 13th floor and i on the 12th i saw him smoking up on the roof sometimes. he was a gentleman by any other name, except the part where his wife left him cause hed been caught with a particularly young mistress but i suppose that didnt matter because he played ravel’s jeux d’eau like no one else in the world could and maybe he played her body like that homonymous six figure grand he has, who knows

his face was wrinkled and ugly but the melodies he played were smooth and beautiful so who cared about his damn visage i guess

“oh, mister moreau,” and for that matter, his voice wasnt particularly musical either

“steinway, are you heading down to see what happened?”

“arent we all,” he chuckled like the deaths were a funny little joke he had made up,

“i think i’ll stop by the grocery store”

“is that so?” he spoke like a conductor introducing a symphony to an ignorant audience and he was just trying to find a way to relive his days of performing inside carnegie hall’s stern auditorium because all he performed in now was his empty apartment, we around ‘im the unwilling listeners. he silently watched the floor numbers count down on the bar above the elevator doors 10 9 8 7 “i ‘aven’t been there lately.” he finally said like he had wondered how to talk without being offensive while still showing his pockets were full of gold.

dick, i thought 4 5

and waited and 2 1 and the doors opened.

our doorman greeted us. he was a fine fellow and i talked with him when it was too awkward for silence. he had a prized son about to head off to columbia on some scholarship or another and his younger daughter was expected to follow in his shoes. his mother was bedridden his dad dead and apparently he made a great deal of money working as a valet for the most expensive hotel in the city on the weekends. he liked the color orange and his ties were sometimes tied with a different knot because his daughter liked to practice on him. for lunch he preferred a simple tomato and mozzarella panini from the cafe a few blocks away but occasionally he partook in the pita bread and hummus that mrs. tomadakis on the fourth floor gave him and he always always despised it when someone moved the rug in front of the door. i didnt know his name.

“another suicide, huh?” he gave me a warm smile and mr. steinway a slightly cooler one

he said ‘another’ because it had been the eighth one this month and we were only fourteen days into it and silently, slowly we found ourselves heading towards a point of numb disassociation—when one person committed suicide it was all over the news like mr. steinway’s scandal and you learned their birthday, their name, their age,

every tiny detail of they had been, the sorrow of their friends and family,

and everything that happened between the day that they they came into the world and the day they left

and the people reacted with horror, the parents apologized to their kids and the kids to their parents, and the grief counselors opened their doors to those who had lost someone in a similar fashion and had to relive the memory through someone else’s eyes and maybe a wide-eyed girl holdin the blade to her small wrist told herself not today, not today

but of course, thats me being optimistic

sometime after the third suicide all that popped up was a name and a vague somethingorother reason they lit themselves on fire or shot themselves in the ‘ead or something and then a frown from the casters, maybe a tinge of sympathy entered their tone but then 10 seconds passed and they forgot because this was all part of a trend that would end. the people talked about the suicides in hushed tones but now the conservations were turning into a more questioning again? and a response of yeses and then it tended to be never discussed again because hey it didnt involve us anyhow

so the nameless bodies started to pile up one on top of each other and i knew the faces and names of maybe three or four but no more.

i nodded to him. “troubling,” i said, because what else could i say

“yes, definitely. my wife had me turn off the news last night because she was so… distressed at all the incidents lately” the doorman replied and there was a hint of something unknown when he said it. nonetheless he turned to the man next to me because his priorities were his own “I heard your playing the other day, mr. steinway. marvelous as always,” he said, voice turned slick because steinway gave good tips. he couldn’t hear anything from all the way on the 1st floor of course

mr. steinway looked chuffed, a prizewinning cock who fought with all the other roosters. “the debussy or the khachaturian?”

“the khachaturian, of course. i always find myself partial to the contemporary—“ the doorman said in an inviting tone to begin an conversation that would undoubtedly net him a few more dollars or maybe a lot more next week—

“interesting!” steinway murmured in that hushed tone since discussion of classical music was clearly some covert operation that no one was supposed to know about. i walked outside into the cool fall air knowing that they would be stuck there for a good ten minutes or more and noticed that the crowd around the two corpses in the middle was gone already and the first thing i wondered was not who they were but rather if dear genevieve had heard the news

there is a photographer standing by the bodies with her big old camera snap snap and she looks up and stares at me staring at her she stands up and i notice that the bottom of her pants have been scuffed by the road she smiles at me without dusting herself off,

“hello!” she was too cheery for the death in front of her “do you live here?” she is the only one out here and the world feels strangely empty

“yes, i” i pointed to the clean, modern building to the left “live just over there,”

she looked at me up and down up and down “you wouldn’t know these people would you?” no i wouldnt

“no” her face fell but then it rose again as she stuffed a card into my clammy hand and the bracelets on her hand jangled and she grinned at me with white teeth but the front two were crooked as if someone ‘ad taken a pair of pliers to them and her brown ‘air was messy, her skin lighter than mine—“i was just wondering since no one seems to know who they are” (she spoke in a rush like she was breathless) and i finally start to wonder indeed, who they are because even as corpses their hands are entwined together “i’m” and now that im down here i can see the fine details in their “photographer, i” faces and the one on the left has that dead fish look in their dark eyes and the eyes are wide open and theyre staring into “crime scenes” my very soul and i wonder if theyre blaming me for my being complicit in their deaths because i too heard the news and did nothing but “ive been in the news” my hands are shaking and i think i couldnt have done anything because i didnt know but something jabs me — a maybe i did know because i too heard the news and passed by disinterested “but i also do” and im staring back at them and theyre staring back at me in a staring contest that i know i will lose “family portraits, anything you need basically” and the one on the rights eyes are closed and the part of their face that isnt all burst open and spilling onto the floor has a tender charm and their lips are fixed in what seems like a peaceful smile but im thinking no there is no way that could be peaceful and oh “call the number if” their ‘ands are all so small if i could just have grabbed those before they jumped maybe id be staring at an empty black canvas instead of a grotesque exhibit of all that we ‘ave done wrong

work title:

artist:

medium: human on concrete

[elvencantation]

Tag, I’m it

oh my god this has been in my drafts unfinished for so long i forgot who tagged me!! thanks @hongbins-wife 💜 ilu

Your top 10 biases?  

Listen, I stan so much groups. I only know my 3 ult biases, the rest is downhill. But If I had to choose it would be:

Hongbin - VIXX

Yixing - EXO

Jimin - BTS

Youngjae - GOT7

Key - SHINee

im gonna do bias wreckers now i guess!

Leo - VIXX (and N)

Tao - EXO (yes I know he’s not in EXO anymore) if you want one still in EXO it’s Baekhyun (my first EXO bias)

I don’t really have a bias wrecker for BTS, it’s just Jimin

okay here i’m torn between Mark and Jinyoung

Onew - SHINee

First group I listened to/liked? VIXX!!

Do you prefer boy groups or girl groups? I’m mostly into guy groups, cos @poorunfortunateseouls has gotten me into KPOP and into most of the groups I like. Also I think if I started stan-ing girl groups I’d actually die. I’m too gay for that shit. also their choreo isn’t as interesting :(

Favorite female group? Idk? but my ult bias for female groups is Amber

Favorite male group? VIXX. It will always and forever be VIXX.

Favorite female solo artist? see above!

Favorite male solo artist? fuckkk…. torn between Tao and Lay…

Top 3 Groups? VIXX, EXO, BTS

Favorite Kpop Song? I just downloaded six new songs last night, so right now it’s torn between EXO-M’s Transformer (Tao gets so many lines kill me) and SHINee’s View

Favorite happy Kpop song? Oh my god…. Ummm Just Right by GOT7? Or Love Equation by VIXX

Favorite Kpop sad song? Oh gods this is hard. Ummm… Error? I just downloaded ZTAO’s The Road and that’s pretty sad too….

Favorite Kpop smut song? Lose Control is p damn smutty

Favorite Kpop song of 2017 so far? How can I choose? I just got into KPOP this year!

Favorite debut? I have no idea (waiting for Acrush to debut kill me)

Favorite debut of 2017 so far? above!

Favorite mv of 2017 so far? help me that’s too hard. i reacted to Not Today and Never Ever with @poorunfortunateseouls and those were amazing. But other than that idk what came out this year? Lose Control and Black White also both murdered me?

Favorite mv? HYDE BY VIXX

Favorite album/mini album? ummm… I have no idea

Favorite album/mini album of 2017 so far? im so bad i download songs separately i dont have money to buy shit XD

Your ultimate bias? i can’t fucking choose don’t make me

Favorite GIF of your ultimate bias?

how about NO?!!

bias and wrecker in one gif kill me

did it again. don’t blame me. look at tao’s hair?!? theyre so fucking precious kill me

Favorite picture of your ultimate bias?

im not gonna do this cos i already did three gifs XD

Favorite thing about your bias?

jimin - an actual goddam angel, so sweet, such a fucking tease onstage

hongin - also such a fucking sweetheart, cringes as much as i do on the inside

leo - okay he’s been battling hongbin for my VIXX bias and i just can’t? like, he’s so shy and precious and his high notes make my soul soar and i could go on foverever i fuckign swear

lay - DIMPLES GALORE! loves his fans so much its amazing. also one of those who is precious but turns around to become a sex god i dont get it

Was he your bias from the start? lay was not… baekhyun was my first EXO bias. jimin has always been my bias, though Erin thought it would be V

Have you ever changed biases more than 3 times and in what group?

I changed once, from Baek to Lay. I’m teetering with Leo and Bean but other than that not really

Favorite Ship?

eh i dont really like shipping them since its usually romantic and theyre real people so that squicks me out

Do you ship the “mom & dad” in your favorite group? oh my god i love leo and n’s relationship. but once again, i only ship platonically

Who’s the mom and dad in your favorite group?

see above

Who do you end up liking more in groups; Leaders, Maknaes, mood makers, vocal, rap, “mom”, “dad”, English speaker, drummer, guitarist, pianist?

singers usually, ad visuals

If your bias got a girlfriend/boyfriend how would you feel?

i’d be happy for them, and hope they could have some privacy

How would you feel if your bias came out gay/lesbian/bisexual/etc.?

holy fucking shit i might die. i’d be kinda scared for them tho, the society they’ve grown up in and live in is extremely homophobic. but id be really proud and extra supportive

Do you think any kpop idols are gay/lesbian/bisexual/etc.?

its none of my business

If so; who? see above

Favorite kpop blog?

how the fuck do I choose?? @for-the-love-of-lay is my bae and @hongbins-wife is the fucking sweetest

@xiaomitaozi thank you for everything tao and @huang-ztao as well!

Favorite kpop scenario blog?

@nunchiwrites and @remembeo like HOLY SHIT THEYRE SO GOOD CHECK THEM OUT

Favorite kpop smut blog?

ahhhh i dont follow smut blogs so idk

Favorite Kpop fanfic? too hard

Favorite show with kpop idols?

no idea

Do you prefer saying “Oppa” or being called “Noona”? neither really?

Is it cuter when KPop Idols know your language or don’t know it and try to speak it?

either way! like, Rapmon and Key speaking english fucking ruins me, but stuff like Suga’s “Infires” and other english shenanigans are love

BIGBANG: “Bang Bang Bang” or “We like 2 Party?” (the only big bang song i know)

iKon: “#WYD” or “Rhythm Ta”?

Monsta X: “Perfect Girl” or “All in”?

BTS: “Save Me” or “Fire”? (murder my fucking heart why don’t you)

EXO: “Monster” or “Growl?”

Astro: “Breathless” or “Hide&Seek”?

Red Velvet vs. EXID: “Ice Cream Cake” or “Up & Down”?

4Minute: “Crazy” or “Hate”?

NCT U vs NCT 127: “The 7th Sense” or “Fire Truck”?

Got7: “Just Right”“Just Right” or “Fly”?

Amber vs Ailee: “Borders” or “Insane”?

FTISLAND: “Take Me Now” or “Pray”?

History: “Queen” or “Might Just Die”?

KNK: “Knock” or “Back Again”?

Day6: “Congratulations” or “Letting Go”?

Block B: “Her” or “Toy”

ZICO: “I am You, You are Me” or “Boys And Girls”?

B.A.P: “Feel So Good” or “Young, Wild & Free?”

Seventeen: “Nice Very Nice” or “Adore U”?

Taeyeon: “I (feat Verbal Jint)” or “Why”?

G-Dragon Vs. Taeyang: “Who you?” or “Eyes, Nose, Lips”

BTS: “The Most Beautiful Moment In Life Series” or “Dark & Wild”?

Day6: “The Day” or “DAYDREAM?”

BIGBANG: “A” or “M”

Monsta X: “The Clan, Pt.1 ” or “Rush”?

Seventeen: “Boys Be” or “First Love&Letter”?

EXO: “Ex’ACT” or “Love Me Right”?

Astro: “Spring Up” or “Summer Vibes”?

Vixx: “Chained Up” or “Error”?

[johnnythirteenguns]

logan, not spoiler free thoughts (it got long):

anyways i saw logan yesterday and im still sensitive from it and i wouldnt know where to begin having a conversation about it with people who want to see it

as a film it’s pretty good. i didnt feel too much time was wasted, if any really, it’s tropey though. so like once it gets going it is point a to b to c to d with no variation and you spot the chekov’s guns right away and you can figure out how it’s going to end half way in. which im fine with as long a movie doesnt patronize me, and i didnt feel logan did. it was just formulaic. but it was good and watchable. there is a lot to be said for exploiting a tried and true formula for story telling but fitting it to the aesthetic of the characters therein.

also although i dont talk to movies i have realized that i am increasingly more involved with reacting to them and i dont know if this means i am more empathetic with the characters on screen because i am becoming more empathetic or if im more emotional and have nowhere to direct that emotion in my real life so i put it all into relating with the characters on a given screen and so when stuff happens to them i just really React.

that being said like im really. tired. of white characters being allowed to use brown bodies as stepping stones and footstools. there are a lot of dead brown people in this film. the main characters are all white. although dafne did an admirable job as laura, if i had the chance id recast her immediately. i wouldnt have cast her at all to be honest. i hope that when an older or adult laura shows up that they cast an actual mexican actress (not a white one). in logan they imply that the babies are clones, but there’s also implication that it was actually just in-vitro using the stolen dna the way you would use donated sperm? unless i watch it again i wont know because the language seemed unsure of itself.

but yeah. i dont. know. it’s literally too much at this point like we’re just constantly thrown under the bus so to save, create, or help white characters. for example, you know the horse family is gonna die, you know it because it’s a Trope. but it’s a black family, and they die gruesomely, which okay, everyone that dies in logan dies gruesomely and violently. but theyre the only black characters with speaking parts, and there is a dearth of them elsewhere in the fox marvel universe. rictor, one of the escaped 23s, is mexican in the comics, apparently so in the movie, and i can safely assume his actor is latinx as well (but he’s a baby and so doesnt have a ton of stuff on his imdb). he’s also the only one of the kids who is shot when they’re being chased through the woods.

i honestly dont know if i would have preferred they keep it on screen or leave it off screen. clearly brown children are afterthoughts anyway? to be used as plot devices and target dummies as needed. i dont know. i do know that i was waiting for it and i thought he was going to die. they do have a line of dialogue immediately after rictor is shot to reassure you that he isnt going to die, which is something i guess.

at any rate i really cant with child death or child abuse in media lately. i dont know how i feel about laura’s self-harm scene. not good but self-harm in media in general needs to be looked at in a case by case basis i dont know about this one.

which btw wow the actress that plays gabriela is straight up from the bronx born and raised in new york and i knew she couldnt be a primarily spanish speaker that accent grated on my ears so badly  i would have preferred they find a way to have her speak spanish and english at some point to illustrate their point because whenever she spoke that accent made me desperately wish she would shut the fuck up or get to the end off her sentence if i could somehow physically share how fucking tired i am of fake mexican accents like youd faint for ten seconds from the force of my anger.

like of all the things to be that angry about but it’s honestly just One More Thing at the point and im so tired.

im really over the disposability of brown bodies and i wish it would stop.

all that being said ive been listening to this podcast and my love for the x-men and x-men adjacent characters has grown immensely over the last year and going in i was emotional about film history, about the x-men cinematic history (honestly hugh jackman has brought his a-game every time when playing logan and i thank him, even when the films themselves were lackluster), i was emotional about x-men comics history, like. i really loved how they all chose to portray the characters and the relationships between them and it was really hitting a lot of perfect notes like.

it turns into a really rough father daughter story really quickly and it got to me because of my own father, because of my possible future, it was a lot of deeply personal levels being affected. um, there’s a lot of symbolic stand-in stuff, like the canadian border, brown children crossing it alone (all their caregivers are implied to be dead to the point that they pretty much are dead due to their absence, so more dead disappeared mexican women, along with the dead teenage girls we’re told about much earlier).

i think i may have just gotten too sucked into it and too emotionally invested and am maybe looking at it through too much of a like film student lens because i was studying it for form and execution obviously and i dont feel like tropey is bad, and i say this because there were moments where most of the audience was laughing but they werent particularly funny? like haha funny moments they were a little more light-hearted (and i mean a Little, not much, to me they illuminate how very tired and hopeless logan is in comparison with other characters and the rest of the world) but because the rest of logan is couched so firmly in the same sort of world weary americana (despite none of the main characters being american, which is neither here nor there) that a film like hell or high water is that i didnt find them Funny. theyre still painful moments meant to illustrate a turning point in the characters’ relationship.

i do say this as someone who at this point just completely started crying for the rest of the movie. i was holding it back since close to the beginning because i Do like these kinds of films and stories and so im already primed to get really invested and then it just kept hitting me and. even gabriela running away with laura and how desperate but fierce they as the characters being in that situation really got me.

also there is no stinger scene so dont wait unless you want to listen to the man comes around which i love so i was fine with waiting anyway. also you see a special thanks given to all the comics creators that had a major hand in shaping laura kinney which got me and marjorie liu is listed.