#and i still cant progress grief 'correctly' i think so. pretty uneventfull actually.
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im doing it for them. ig.
#oooh the current lecturer is in the same church managment thingyy as my dadd#which is fine and good and all but. it reminds me of church.#as a kid we went almost every week. i think untill i was at LEAST 10. which is fine.#it was a normal day and i got to see my grandma and great aunt/uncles. being with them on sundays was fun. i did not care for church.#at some point. i got too old for the kiddy club. which is fine. i could sit out an entire church meeting just fine#except my parents didnt think that was enough.#they made me. not older than 12. join like 5 other ADULTS. to talk about the bible and shit.#understandebly. i did not survive.#luckily my dad was waiting for me at my grandmas and could pick me up.#i think i held out for maybe 10 minutes.#and. its so strange looking back.#i am actually tearing up just thinking about how much destress i must have been in.#sillyposting#i know. they probably didnt know what to expect either.#but. little undiagnosed autistic me knew what a bad idea it was. and im glad i got at least proved right.#and i am glad that. my parents didnt make me go again.#they werent FORCEFULL on it to begin with i think. but if your caregiver wants you to do something you cant easily. say no.#anyway im. at least glad neither of my brothers had to do the same.#but it sucks being a scapegoat. thats how it feels at least.#anyway. church =w=bb#idk theres not much more to say about it.#the last memory i have was the funeral of my grandpa.#it was actually the middle of summer so we were all sweating balls.#and i still cant progress grief 'correctly' i think so. pretty uneventfull actually.#much better than my first funeral =w=bb#ok wait. lets not go there..#ooooh something about your parents being gone for a week makes your brain want to relive all your trauma. erm.#i feel like i have to say this every time but theyre fine parents. theyre not abusive.#just undiagnozed illnesses from my side and clashing probably-identical illness from theirs. :)#ok wait lets also not go into mental illness. they also did not handle theirs well imo.
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