#and i say usually because he revealed this through saying he’s waking up at 4 atm

[horse-head-farms]

today in wild xb facts: he usually wakes up at 5 AM (?????)

[flaggermuser]

They Took My Sunshine Away

1,146 words || Fluff, Spoilers for Season 4 Episode 4, Hurt/Comfort, GN Reader, Doctor Reader, Childhood Trauma, Parent & Child Relationship, Parent & Child Attachment, Codependency, Platonic Love ||

The first two Tawny fics: When You Loved Me & Home Is Where His Heart Is

A/N: The general consensus for Tawny is that they are a woman but I will continue to write them as gender neutral

Thank you to @hom3landr for being my beta

Homelander wakes with a start, sitting up and trembling, breathing fast in panic. He was back in the incinerator again, watching all the scientists while he cried and screamed from the pain.

Warm hands cup his cheeks, trying to ground him and he looks at you through blurry eyes.

“You're okay, you're okay. It was just a bad dream. You're here in my house, in the bed in the spare room.”

He nods slowly, the information slowly working through the swirling thoughts dominating his mind until it properly sinks in, bringing a sense of calm.

Your hands fall away from his face once you see that he's settled, taking his hands and squeezing tight. You've come to his aid just like you did when he was a child.

A parent comforting their son.

“I killed them.”

The words slip out before he can stop them, admitting to only one of his many crimes but one that was relevant to you. He searches your eyes for a reaction, fully expecting you to demand that he leave and never darken your door again.

“You were going to kill me too.”

It’s a statement, not a question - as if you’ve resigned yourself to the truth before he can confirm or deny it. He wants to hang his head in shame but he can’t, his eyes fixated on your face, trying to prepare himself for your reaction.

“It wasn’t a coincidence that you showed up at my door,” your tone is indistinguishable. “It was only a matter of time.”

You knew. You knew why I was here but you still let me in.

“Vogelbaum, Edgar, Barbara. One had to be careless enough to leave the tiniest scrap of information about me. Usually, all records would have been scrub-”

“There was an old file,” he interjects, cutting you off. “They’d probably forgotten to destroy it.”

You hum a thoughtful yet morose noise, only adding further to Homelander’s anxiety. He’d lost you once, had you almost completely erased from his memory but now that he’s found you again, he won’t let you go.

He can’t.

“Frank? Marty?” You start to list various names, only for him to nod in response. “Barbara?”

“I left her alive,” he hesitates, scared to reveal the details. “I locked her in that room, with what was left of them.”

You tighten your grip on his hands, your jaw tight and eyes downcast. You lick your lips, clearly preparing to say something but with each second you remain silent, his chest tightens, making it uncomfortable for him to breathe.

“What did she say to you?”

“That you… all of you. That you were all scared of me, from the moment I was born.”

You’re looking him in the eye and it feels like you’re looking straight into his soul.

“I was never scared of you John,” the words are laced with honesty, spoken with conviction. “You were just a little boy. If you hurt me, hell, if you even killed me back in the lab, it would only have been in self-defence.”

Your grip is like a vice, not uncomfortable or painful to him - it’s as if you refuse to let go just in case you lose him again.

He swallows, “She said that I could have broken out of there anytime I wanted, that they couldn’t have stopped me. That I stayed because I couldn’t stand the idea that they’d all be disappointed in me. My need for approval and love.”

You’re trembling now, he can hear your heart beating a mile a minute. He can see it, written all over your face. You’re upset but differently - you’re angry, even more than that, you’re furious.

This is pure unbridled rage.

“That fucking bitch,” you seethe. “You stayed because you couldn’t stand the idea that they’d all be disappointed in you? That entire lab was built to withstand a nuclear blast and, in that room, there was damage around the door where you tried to punch your way out. There was no way you could escape.”

It all boils over, your body slumped as the dam breaks, the tears you’ve kept inside for what must have been years spill forth, cascading down your cheeks and neck, dripping onto the duvet beneath you. 

“I should have taken you.”

Now it’s his turn to comfort you as he pulls you into a hug, trying his best not to crush you with his strength but wanting to hold you tight enough so you can truly understand how much you mean to him.

“Oh John, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.”

He's heard those words fall from your lips so many times yet they've not lost their sincerity. Every time, you seem more genuine in your regret.

This is your penance.

“Can you stay with me? Not until I fall asleep, for the whole night. I don't want to dream about the lab again.”

“Of course I can.”

He releases you and you get into bed, lying back with your head on the pillow and arms open, allowing him to cuddle up to you.

His head is pressed to your chest and, although he can hear your heartbeat from a mile away, hearing it up close unlocks a memory.

Sitting on your lap, his head against your chest while you wrapped him up in your arms, singing to him as you rocked him.

The gentle beating of your heart then, as it does now, soothes him, and reminds him of how safe he is with you — a security blanket in human form.

He almost wants to ask for you to return to the Tower with him, to live permanently in his penthouse where you'll always be within easy reach. 

But it's a huge ask - you'd be uprooting your life, leaving everything you've ever known to start anew back at the company that fired you for caring about a scared little boy. Yet there’s something comforting about knowing that he can just turn up at any time of the day and play pretend, that instead of growing up in a lab, he grew up in this house with you.

He grew up with someone who loved him.

“I’ve missed you so much,” your voice breaks, prompting him to cuddle closer. “You have no idea how happy I was to see you again. It was like I was given a second chance, to be there for you, to love you like my own son.”

Like my own son.

That confirms that you feel the same as he does, that the love between you is strictly platonic, the love between a parent and a child.

“I love you, Tawny.”

“I love you too, John.”

You were my sunshine, my only sunshine

You made me happy when I was afraid

They must have known then, just how much you loved me.

So they took my sunshine away.

[matan4il]

Daily update post:

This morning started with the horrible news about an independent Palestinian terrorist attack on the main road to Jerusalem. As workers come into the city in the morning, there's a junction where at this morning time, there's usually a traffic jam. Three Palestinians (from the Beit Lechem area, two of them brothers) started shooting from assault rifles at people sitting in their cars, as if they were fish in a barrel (hand grenades were found as well, but thankfully they didn't get to use them). Currently, the reports are of 1 person murdered (26 years old Matan Elmaliach), and 11 wounded (on TV, they're saying 13 more were wounded, including a young pregnant woman in very serious condition). A spokesman for Magen David Adom (Red Star of David) said that the terrorist attack scene was 500 meters long (about 1640 feet). Two of the terrorists were neutralized immediately, and the third was after a chase. The father of one of the wounded said his son just finished his army reserves service, noticed the terrorist attack, tried to stop one of the terrorists, and in the process was shot himself.

On a personal note, my mom's cousin sometimes works in Jerusalem, coming in through that junction, and his wife sometimes comes with him, so after I woke up from a nightmare about a baby crying because its limbs were amputated by Hamas terrorists, I had to contact my family to check that they're alive, and figure out when it's okay to wake my mom up, so she doesn't get scared for her cousin when she hears the news.

A terrorist attack that was carried out about a month ago, has now been revealed as originally targeting the IDF spokesman in Arabic, Avichay Adraee. Turns out one of the terrorists, who was working in Ra'anana, walked into a restaurant and saw Adraee. The terrorist couldn't kill him on the spot, but returned with a weapon the next day and staked the area (assuming Adraee lived somewhere nearby) for a while, before he decided if he couldn't carry out a "quality" terrorist attack, he still wanted to carry out one. He got his cousin employeed, and together, the two murdered a 79 years old woman, Edna Bluestein, and wounded 18 others. I just think it says something, that an army officer, and an elderly civilian woman, are equally legit targets in these terrorists' mind, because they're both citizens of the Jewish state. Both terrorists were indicted today.

Survivors of the Nova music festival carnage on Oct 7 are suing AP for hiring 4 photojournalists that were embedded with Hamas, and should have been identified as such by the news agency. The lawsuit names the men who were there in the middle of Hamas' war crimes, and documented, among other crimes, the kidnapping of Shani Lock's raped body, and of Yaffa Adar, a Holocaust survivor.

In London, the anti-Israel crowd projected onto Big Ben messages that UK Jews have repeatedly said endanger them, including calls for the Jewish state to surrender to an antisemitic, genocidal terrorist organization, and the slogan that calls for, at the very least, an ethnic cleansing of Israeli Jews, but one which most Jews understand as genocidal, because if it were to be implemented, it would necessarily include the slaughter of the world's biggest Jewish community. According to one witness, he asked the police if projecting these slogans on Big Ben's tower is legal, was told it wasn't, but the police personnel present still wasn't moved to stop this. At what point is the UK going to wake up, and act as if its Jewish citizens, and their well being, counts?

And since I mentioned that demanding a ceasefire before Hamas has surrendered, is to ask the attacked (the Jewish state) to surrender to the attacker (an antisemitic, genocidal terrorist organization), I also want to remind everyone that allowing Hamas to continue existing, and ruling Gaza, is also BAD FOR PALESTINIANS. As the war goes on, more and more Gazan protests are being held against Hamas. I haven't mentioned them in a while, but this is a good moment to remind everyone that people who REALLY care about Gazans want Hamas destroyed for them, too. Here's newly released footage from a Gaza anti-Hamas demonstration, we're now getting more documentation like this practically daily.

This is 19 years old Nimrod Cohen.

On Oct 7, he was kidnapped to Gaza. His twin sister Romi and his parents have been fighting to have him released. The family says he's so sensitive, they can't imagine how he'd be able to survive captivity, and the kind of constant abuse they'd heard the hostages are undergoing from those already released.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[pod-together]

Pod-Together Day 7 Reveals 2024

Love, not sedition (琅琊榜 | Nirvana in Fire (TV)) written by aninfiniteweirdo, performed by paintchipblue Summary: 'What is this, if not sedition?' The recording only shows stating as Xiao Jingyan doesn't answer out loud.

settling in (Welcome to Night Vale, The Magnus Archives (Podcast)) written by Koschei_B, performed by DuskDragon39 Summary: On his trip through America, Gerry passes an town of interest. In the end, it might not be exactly all he's expected to be, but he can't say he regrets staying in the long run. At the very least, he get to live, and all the dangerous stuff around isn't his concern to deal with. And, just maybe, he likes how friendly the people are, even if it's a little creepy. Sue him. Or better yet, Mary Keay.

Voice and Heart (The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells) written by lc2l, performed by EternalLibrary Summary: Good morning this is S9BT5, the heart and voice of your Company Substation. Please be aware that we have visitors onboard the station today from a Preservation Survey Team. Staff are expected to be courteous and welcoming, and to remember that all conversations are monitored for training and enforcement purposes.

Time May Change Me (But I can't trace time) (Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy) written by Little_dumpling, performed by Kittona Summary: Anakin’s mother is leaving for Europe and Anakin does not want to come along, thank you very much. But his only other option is to go live on his Uncle Qui-Gon’s horse ranch. Anakin will go, but he did not sign up to do chores!

the cul-de-sac on the spiritual path (The Locked Tomb Series | Gideon the Ninth Series - Tamsyn Muir) written by olive2read, performed by carboncopies Summary: stuck in a random catacomb niche, deep in the Ninth House, Wake gets to know Gideon Nav (whether she wants to or not) -or- 5 times Gideon went to visit her mum’s niche -or- why Wake didn’t take the shot

elutriate calor vulpes (All For The Game - Nora Sakavic) written by Opalsong, performed by Flowerparrish Summary: Andrew hated heats. He hated being vulnerable and out of control. Neil…helped. [4 Heats Andrew Struggled Through + 1 He Enjoyed]

Gifts of Gold (gold) (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) written by BardicRaven, performed by BardicRavenReads, audio production by OneGoldenRaptor

Two and a Half Men (Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)) written by Sivan325, performed by Ceewelsh Summary: "Do you mind telling me why I have kid-Bucky in my apartment?" Steve asked. Tony looked at him, noticing how the man looked exhausted. "Bucky? A kid? Are you out of your mind?" "How many kids do you know who have a metal arm and long hair?" "Touché."

Blood of the Covenant (is thicker than the water of the womb) (One Piece (Anime & Manga)) written by stereden, performed by Aibhilin Summary: The little postgull drops the newspaper right in front of her and then hightails it away from Mount Corbo, and that should have been her first clue, because the bird usually likes to hang about and beg for scraps. But not this time. No. Because this time, the newspaper has her oldest brat’s picture plastered all over the front page, but it’s not the cocky grin of his wanted poster. No. It’s her kid, bruised and battered and in chains. Firefist Ace, Whitebeard Commander, to be executed! the headline proclaims for the world to see, and Dadan freezes. birds of a feather (Dungeons and Daddies (Podcast)) written by travvymybeloved, performed by godoflaundrybaskets Summary: “Oh, fuck,” Glenn said and through the windshield, Henry could see him throw his joint down onto the dashboard. He threw himself half out the window, leaning out at the waist and throwing open his arms. “Come on, Henry! Go, go, go!” Henry let out a wordless honking noise and started flapping his wings, skipping against the ground and taking off in the air for a few seconds. He hit the ground, took a few shaky steps, then took off again with more confidence. Darryl whooped, starting to rev the car, and Glenn caught Henry out of the air and yanked him into the car. Darryl slammed the stick into drive, the car lurched and shot off across the field, and Ron continued cry-laughing in the backseat as they beat a quick retreat. “You almost got your butt kicked by a bird,” Ron wheezed out, wiping at his eyes, and Henry harrumphed. “Oh my God, that was great.” --- If Henry was asked to guess anything, anything, about Faerûn, "geese act as malicious guides to your soulmate" wouldn't have even made the top 100 guesses. The Hall Pass (หัวใจไม่มีปลอม | Beauty Newbie (Thailand TV 2024)) written by Wereflamingo, performed by Annapods Summary: Liu’s comfortable relationship with her boyfriend Guy gets shaken up when Guy gets cast in a Boys Love series opposite charismatic established actor Saint. Well, Liu thinks he's charismatic. Guy thinks he's extremely annoying and can't be trusted. There's no way that hall pass will ever be needed. Or: a rookie BL actor and his girlfriend acquire a third through the power of BL and complaining about your shared real/imaginary boyfriend. A story about social and parasocial relationships, monogamy and polyamory, sexuality and lack thereof, beauty, choice, and enemies-to-lovers BL, told through voice messages and phone calls on Liu's Phone.

[countrymusiclover]

4 - Just Ariyne and Finnick

Part 5

Are You District or Capitol?

Pretty please leave your thoughts in the comments 🙏 😁 ❤️ Tag list ( send an ask in my ask box to be added ) @lemonluvgirl @virtualsweetsdreamer @emma-andrea1 @voiddylanobrosey @kmc1989

@agentxx92

I wasn’t sure what time it was or how long I had been down in the training yard but I was beginning to get the hang of using some weapons if I got thrown in the arena. Holding the dagger in my right hand I sucked in a breath launching the blade into the orange hologram that came running at me. The hologram broke apart when it landed in his chest right before I heard Finnick speak behind me. “You're getting pretty good with those knives.”

“Yeah it seems so.” I shrugged my shoulders eyeing the trident hanging on one of the weapon stands. “So I’ve been told you're pretty good with a trident. Care to show me?”

He sent me a smirk of the usual capital charm. “Are you afraid that I'm not as impressive as they say I am?”

“I never said anything like that.” I shook my head no.

He stared at me. “But you're thinking it, blossom.”

“How do you know that?” I snapped at him.

Finnick picked up the trident walking back over to me, carrying it in his right hand. “Because I'm good at getting information out of people.” His ocean green eyes scanning over my facial features.

“I'll believe it when I see it.” I sniped, biting the inside of my lip. Before I could react he spun me around into his chest with my back pressing into his front and the trident stick pushing up against my throat. I shutter out his name, my hands were holding onto his wrists thinking I could stop him somehow. “Finnick-”

He leans his head down to my ear whispering. “Come up to my floor when we're done here and I'll tell you some of the things I found out.”

“Really you found something out?” I knew I had a hopeful tone when I responded.

His hot breath ghosted over my neck as we stayed that way for a second until the elevator door opened a few feet away from us revealing my father standing there. “I haven't lied to you since we've met - we'll work on your response time there, blossom.” He pushed me forward, lowering the weapon away from my throat.

My hair got thrown in my eyes so I pushed it away, sparing him a glance. “Finnick, I - I'll see you later.” I felt like I was at a loss for words never expecting he would actually be a man of his word. Maybe he wasn't like the other Carrier tributes. Just like maybe my mother wasn't like who my father said she was.

3 years ago

Laying in my bed I silently stared at the ceiling not being able to fall asleep. I had gotten used to my father sometimes waking in the middle of the night screaming. He also always kept q knife hidden underneath his pillow. I heard him get up and walk from to the kitchen so I decided to check on him. “Dad - uh are you okay?”

“Ari! Oh um - yeah I’m - I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” He croaked through some tears, raising a drink glass to his lips.

I slowly walked up to him, gently touching his shoulder. “You don’t have to be tough on me, dad. Is it - about me?”

“I just had a nightmare about my games. How much I hate the capital for what they did to my family. How much I wish I didn’t despise who your mother is.” He gripped the glass in his hands and his jaw was clenched when he grumbled.

I paused before asking my next question knowing he didn’t like to talk about it. “Who exactly is my mother?”

“She’s a snob in the Capitol. Thankfully we only have to see each other once a year!” He grumbled the last part under his breath.

I moved in front of him, bending down on my knees trying to make him look me in the eye. “Dad, I know you're not a huge fan of whoever my mother is. But I want to know, do you think I'll find love in a world where these games exist?”

“Ariyne, I wasn’t expecting for you to come into my life. But now that you have I can't imagine you not here with me.” He lifted his gaze up to meet mine, he used his freehand to cradle the side of my face. “So in my experience with the Games and everything else this world throws at us. You should always expect the unexpected.”

That evening I had told my mother that I wouldn't be eating dinner with my father and the others like I usually had been. I didn't bother telling my father where I was going considering he would most likely figure it out anyhow. Taking the elevator up to the 4th floor, I walked off, finding a door that said Odair on the outside of it, so I knocked three times, assuming that was a good enough signal that I was there. The door peaked opened with Finnick popping his head out. “Hey blossom, come on in.”

“I think we should set a rule about that nickname you have going for me.” Was the first thing I said entering the apartment hearing him shut the door and lock it. I slowly turned around hearing him enter the living room. “It's not that I hate it. I just wish you would call me by my - oh wow I would've figured you always wore low cut clothing.”

He was wearing some black sweatpants and a light gray shirt that actually didn't show off his nice brad chest. “That’s not the real me. It's all just for the show of the Games.”

“Oh, so who is the real Finnick Odair?”

He sent me a genuine smile that didn't look like his cocky one he usually wore. “I'll tell you if you tell me more about you, Ariyne Abernathy.”

“Finnick.” I giggled feeling my face turning red at his true words.

He gestured to the empty coach going to sit down on the furniture and I joined him sitting near him on it. “So tell me something about yourself.”

“My life is pretty boring to be honest. I have been hiding for basically my whole life.”

He gave me a sad look. “I’m sorry.”

“I haven’t had any of the firsts. First love, first date-“

He cut me off. “First kiss.”

“Yeah.” I nodded silently, staring at the district four boy. His sea green eyes focused on my gaze slowly leaning forward beginning to close the gap that was between us.

I blinked my eyes a couple of times thinking about whether or not I should kiss him. I’d never done anything like that compared to him at this moment. Biting my lip I scooted forward closing the rest of the gap we had before we finally kissed the other. Finnick kissed me slowly while moving one hand to the side of my face deepening the kiss until I drew back with a nervous smile. “At least now you’ve had your first kiss now, Ariyne.”

“Thank you, um - what did you find out about Snow and me?” I mumbled, being scared for the answer he would give.

He sat back running his fingers through his blonde curls taking a deep breath clearly feeling the weight of the conversation we were about to have between each other. “He’s planning on trying to throw you into the arena.”

“Anything else?” I asked, feeling a nervousness in the pit of my stomach.

Finnick parted his lips. “He found out about who your parents really are. My informants don't know how but that is what I could gather from them.”

“What am I gonna do. I - I've never even been in the Games before and now it's all former Victoria going into it. I'm - I'm gonna die the second that cannon goes off.” I began heavily crying burying my face into my knees when I hugged them up close to my chest.

He slowly wrapped his arms around my body tugging me against his chest. “Sshh Ariyne. That isn’t going to happen to you. I'll make sure of it.” He whispered running his freehand through my messy blonde hair.

I sniffed, barely lifting my head from his chest. “How are you going to manage that?”

“You let me worry about that, Ariyne.” He brushed hair away from my eyes with a half smile, kissing my forehead that I found rather nice in this moment of fear. “For now let’s just simply be Ariyne and Finnick.”

Laying my head down against his chest he wrapped his arms around my body once more, trying to imagine that the Hunger Games didn’t exist. “I’m glad you’re helping me, Finnick.” We just remained that way for a while. With any luck my father would be happy that I was finding some alliance with him.

[malfoysprinces]

The Minister’s Daughter

- draco malfoy -

PART 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Expected. That was the damn word. That was the word which could explain the break-up. However, expecting something doesn’t mean it would not sting like hell.

So, the inevitable happened.

Draco called it quits without a single ounce of doubt that night. It all unfolded so damn fast, as if he'd been following some twisted plan from the start.

Y/N had endured Draco's ice-cold demeanor for nearly three freaking months. She stayed, convinced that somewhere beneath the ice, he still loved her until that moment.

“Y/N?” Draco knocked Y/N dorm’s door.

“Come in, Dray.” she recognized the voice.

“Hi. I thought you were busy this afternoon. You told me that—” Y/N was interrupted.

“I need to talk to you.” Draco said. He jumped right into the conclusion. “I don’t think this is working out. It actually hasn’t been working out for a while. As you may notice.” Draco looked away.

Straightforward.

“I-I…wha- what are you implying?" Y/N's voice trembled, her heart pounding a frantic rhythm.

“I am saying that it is over. I don’t feel anything about you. Not anymore. We are over.” Draco's face remained a cold, emotionless mask.

Y/N was shaking. Visibly shaking.

“I-I..This—Us--..” She struggled to find the right words, her mind a chaotic whirlwind.

“I think I made myself perfectly clear. There is no us now.” Draco turned his back to leave.

Her whole world shattered in a split moment. Never in a million years she thought he would leave her like that. Her body was trembling, her hands were shaking, her mind was blurred but most of all didn't seem to matter because she could swear that the man standing in front of her was nobody but a stranger from now on.

It all happened so fast that it was almost like she had already lost him, now he was only making it clear to her.

Y/N was speechless.

Y/N had steeled herself for the inevitable breakup, but the searing pain it unleashed was far from predictable. In that heart-wrenching moment, Draco, as per his usual demeanor, revealed nothing. His face was an inscrutable mask, devoid of any discernible emotion. It was as if he'd rehearsed this scenario a thousand times before, leaving Y/N drowning in a sea of uncertainty, her emotions tumultuously churning beneath the surface.

The world continued to turn, but Y/N was caught in a timeless limbo, her heart unable to mend in the wake of the breakup. It felt like a battle against the weight of her emotions, a struggle to reclaim a sense of self that had been shattered and scattered in the lost love.

The aftermath of the break-up was predictable. Two ruined people. Two shattered hearts. Two lost souls. She was nothing more than a ghost. She was not sleeping, not eating, not even living. She was lost in her thoughts. His touch, his kiss, his gaze, how she felt in his arms were something that she would miss for the eternity. She stood by his during every argument, every dispute, she even stopped talking to her friend Graham for him. She would push away anyone and everyone for him. But why was this wasn't enough for him? Where did it all go wrong? She was sure that somewhere along the line she started doing too much, and he was not doing enough. Her thoughts was eating her alive. She couldn't cry even if she wanted to. She was in a shock mode. She couldn't react. She couldn't breathe or think or see. She was just lost in the moment he walked away from her.

Why did he leave her?

He told her that he had lost feelings for her which obviously wasn't the case. She knew that behind his thought facade, there is a delicate boy who just wants to make her happy. However, this doesn't seem right.

Later that evening, she decided to take a stroll through the corridors of Hogwarts. Every corner, every hidden spot consisted of a memory of Draco. Everything in Hogwarts was meaningful to her because of him. Not so long ago, they were kissing at the Astronomy Tower. Not so long ago, they were finding peace in each other’s arms. There was not any possible universe that they would not be together. He would choose her in every possibility, she would belong to him in every possibility. However, not in this one.

After a week of avoiding Draco at all costs, Y/N finally decided to show up for breakfast. It was the same Great Hall, the same food, the same people. No but it actually wasn't. Nothing was ever going to be the same. The man that she loves loved loves has turned into a complete stranger. Now she had to face him. In class, if not at breakfast. In common room, if not at halls. She wasn't sure if she would be able to look him in the eye anymore. He had broken her so much that she was numb eventually. She reached the point of doubting if she had a heart anymore. On the other, she knew that she had to leave her room at some point. Wouldn't matter if today or any other day.

As she entered The Great Hall, she instantly spotted Pansy talking with Adrian Pucey. She decided to join them.

"Hi, Y/N." said Pansy as Y/N was approaching them.

"Morning guys." Y/N answered trying to keep her eyes on them.

However, for a split moment, she turned to sit down and spotted a blonde silhouette. She turned her gaze immediately. It was her first time being in the same room with Draco since their break-up. He seemed to mind his own business tho. He was having breakfast with Theo. Him and Theo were always close but somehow they seemed to be closer for past three months now if that's possible. It was weird sitting in the same room as him but ignoring each other completely. The familiar surroundings had turned into a strange and cold place, mirroring the distance that had grown between her and Draco. Y/N couldn't even finish her breakfast. She had lost her appetite since the break-up. It was almost like she lived with a constant nausea that prevented her from eating. Regularly.

It was not until Pansy grabbed her arm that she realized it was time for class. Y/N entered the classroom. She walked towards her usual spot. Next to Draco. Only to find out that he already switched his seat. Of course he did. He doesn't love you anymore, remember? she thought to herself.

His last words echoed in her head "There is no us now."

A month into the break-up. Still no contact from Draco. Meaning Y/N had her heart as a open wound for a month now. Unhealed and aching.

She was late for charms class. It was the last class for that afternoon. However, corridors were busier than ever. The castle seemed to conspire against her, with moving staircases and hidden passages testing her patience.

In the bustling corridors of Hogwarts, Y/N navigated through the maze of students, her thoughts consumed by the weight of recent events. Lost in her own world of thoughts, she didn't see the figure approaching from the opposite direction. With an unexpected bump, Y/N collided with another student, nearly sending her books and parchment flying. She staggered back a step, her hand pressed against her chest in shock. It was then that she glanced up, her wide eyes meeting a familiar pair of grey ones.

"Y/N." he spoke softly, almost hesitantly, as if the name was a secret he'd been keeping. "Are you okay ?" he asked.

Draco's expression remained unreadable, but there was a hint of something in his eyes.

Y/N nodded.

Then she quickly took her gaze away from his. Draco crouched down to help her, their hands brushing slightly as they reached for the same parchment. Draco's hand, cooler than Y/N remembered, held a subtle tension in his fingers. In that fleeting moment of contact, their intertwined hands seemed to carry the weight of scars that they caused each other. Everything around them blurred, fading into insignificance, their emotions echoing in that touch. It sent shivers down Y/N's spine.

Once their belongings were sorted, they found themselves standing face to face, an unspoken tension filling the air. The bustling hallway around them seemed to fade into the background as they exchanged a lingering look. It was as though the world had paused just for them.

Then, a group of students jostled past, breaking the moment. Y/N and Draco stepped aside, heading in opposite directions.

Their little bump was still on her mind when she entered her dorm.

"I'll wear the purple one." Pansy said pointing a dress to Daphne.

"Date night with Pucey?" Y/N asked.

"Well, that's one way to put it." Daphne answered, gigling.

"Don't tell me you don't remember the tonight's party Y/N!" Pansy was in shock.

"Wha--Oh, yeah I do." Y/N answered.

The party. Completely slipped out of her mind. She was definetly not in the mood for a party to be honest.

"But, I think I'll just skip this one." Y/N added.

"Come on! It will be fun. Besides, it will be distraction from Dra- everything that's been going on." Pansy said.

"Also, Pansy has got a date! Don't leave me alone!" Daphne insisted.

A little distraction didn't seem so bad after all.

"Well, if you guys says so." Y/N decided to go to the party.

The Slytherin Common Room was transformed into a scene of opulent decadence for the night's party. Dimly lit by the soft glow of emerald and silver candles, the room exuded an air of mystery and sophistication. The walls were adorned with tapestries featuring serpentine motifs, and rich, forest-green draperies hung gracefully, casting intricate patterns of shadows across the space. In the dimly lit Slytherin Common Room, the atmosphere was charged with tension.

Draco and Y/N, once inseparable in their love, now stood worlds apart. Draco's heartache had driven him to make the excruciating decision to end their relationship. Yet, his love for her remained a constant but buried beneath layers of darkness. As the night wore on, a masquerade of indifference clung to Draco's facade as he watched from the shadows. The party's laughter and clinking of glasses seemed a distant echo in his ears.

Then, a game of spin the bottle began, and Y/N was drawn into it, Draco's stormy gray eyes were locked onto the scene unfolding before him. Y/N went on to join the game of spin the bottle. It was a spontaneous, almost reckless choice, born of the night's charged atmosphere.

He had watched as Y/N, the love he had once held so close, gracefully spun the bottle, her laughter filling the room. As the bottle spun, landing on a random Slytherin, Draco couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight of Y/N, her face bathed in the soft, greenish glow of the common room .

The bottle had landed on a nameless face, and in that moment, Y/N couldn't have cared less about his identity. Her mind was a tumult of emotions, and she needed a distraction, an escape from the thought of Draco that had been consuming her.

The guy approached her, but Y/N remained untouched by any thrill or excitement.

Without a hesitation Y/N let him kiss her.

His kiss was a hollow gesture, devoid of any real emotion or connection.

Jealousy and pain surged through Draco as their lips met. He clenched his fists, his knuckles whitening as he yearned to be the one to hold her, to feel her lips against his own. The room blurred around him as he struggled to conceal his anguish, a silent scream echoing within his tormented soul. At that moment, amidst the chaos of the party, Draco's love for Y/N burned brighter than ever, though he remained a prisoner of his own sacrifices. However Y/N on the other hand, decided to leave the game.

She decided that she had to call it a night here, so she wouldn't regret it the next day. She showed no emotions, no reactions. She just walked away from the guy that just kissed her.

The kiss didn't mean anything to her.

She was walking towards the stairs when she felt someone grabbing her arm. Oh, she wanted it to be Draco. She wanted it to be Draco so badly. She longed for it to be Draco.

However, it wasn't. It was the guy she had just kissed. She didn't even have the care in the world to ask for his name.

"Y/N?" he approached.

What was his name again?

"You-how do you know my name?" Y/N asked in a surprise.

"I mean-- Everyone in this school kinda does." he answers.

"Yeah" she nodded.

"What did you need?" she asked.

"Nothing. I just- just...The kiss was.." he couldn't find the right words.

"Kiss was what?" Y/N said in a cold tone.

Draco was still watching Y/N. What he felt was a jealousy born of the deep affection he still held for her, a possessiveness that he had never truly let go of. He wanted to rip that guys throat off. He really did want it.

"You know what, why don't I try kissing you again?" the guy leaned in.

"Oh, no thanks, I'll pass." Y/N didn't have a care in the world about this guy.

"Give me a chance to prove it to you." he insisted.

"Prove what? What is there to prove?" Y/N asked mockingly.

"Just let it happen, you won't regret it I promise." he took a step closer to Y/N, and all of a sudden their lips touched again.

As the guy's lips pressed against Y/N's once more, the atmosphere became charged with tension. Y/N had long lost her ability to feel. She was completely numb after Draco left.

Unbeknownst to her, Draco was watching all this from afar.

However, the guy's lips were gone in the blink of an eye. Y/N opened her eyes, only to find out Draco got the guy pinned against a wall, punching him.

The first punch happened so fast that it was hard to follow. It landed on the guy's face with a loud thud. The room went completely silent, and all that could be heard was the sound of Draco's fists hitting the guy. It was like watching a brutal act of violence.

"Oh for Salazar's sake! Draco!" Y/N was in shock.

Draco was punching the guy, non-stop. It was almost like he zoned out.

"Draco just stop!" Y/N shouted at Draco again. The guy, trapped against the wall, tried to defend himself, but he couldn't do much. His face showed pain and confusion with every hit. Each punch echoed through the room, creating a disturbing rhythm.

Y/N stepped in between them. Taking Draco away from the guy. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" Y/N asked.

Draco scoffed, and by now, everyone at the Slytherin party had gathered around them. 

Y/N whispered"I am so sorry." to the guy and dragged Draco outside.

As Y/N guided Draco out of the bustling room, both of them were seething with anger. The change from the loud party to the quiet hallway didn't cool their anger one bit. Their footsteps echoed in the hushed corridor, punctuated by the tension between them. Y/N's grip on Draco's arm was firm, reflecting her frustration, and it was a silent signal that they needed to have a serious conversation away from the prying eyes of the party.

"What the fuck was that?" Y/N asked to Draco.

He was fueled with anger. His eyes were boiling with anger.

"Answer me, Draco. What the fuck did you just do there!" shouted Y/N.

Draco lifted his head and looked away.

"LOOK. ME. IN. THE. FUCKING. EYE." Y/N held his chin and turned his head towards her.

His stormy grey eyes were on her hazel eyes. They were face to face now, just like a thousand years before when they had last looked at each other this way. So close, yet so far.

She shook her head and cleared her thoughts.

Looked him in the eye again, demanding an explanation.

"He was kissing you." Draco said.

Y/N didn't answer.

"That stupid spin the bottle game was one thing. But walking up to you? Who the fuck is he to come even a mile close to you?" Draco's anger was written all over his face.

Beneath the façade of anger, Draco's eyes revealed a deep hurt. He had acted impulsively to protect what he perceived as his territory, but as he faced Y/N alone, his anger had given way to vulnerability. He still cared deeply for Y/N, and the kiss had stirred up intense jealousy and possessiveness, making him confront the reality that Y/N was no longer his. "I'll bury him alive." he added.

"What? Draco, no? You don't get to do this." words came out of Y/N's mouth in a second. "You don't get to decide who I kiss, not anymore." Y/N finally said it.

She wanted to assert that she was no longer under Draco's control or influence, especially after he had left her behind. Beneath her words, there was a lingering sense of hurt.

Draco looked away again.

"I am not yours to keep Draco. Not since when you left." said Y/N. Her eyes were fueled with anger.

Draco stood silently, waiting for Y/N to take her words back.

But she didn't.

"Where does it leave me then?" Draco said in pain. His emotions were a turbulent mix of frustration, longing, and a sense of loss.

"Nowhere, I guess." she answers.

Draco looked Y/N in the eye one last time and turned around to leave.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

[mannatea]

🔥 ToS

Nonsense spicy takes just 4 u:

Kloitz or Virginia should have gone through the Gate with their children and that neither of them did that SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT THE KIND OF PEOPLE THEY ARE.

The hot/cold scene is both hilariously memeable AND deeply moving and meaningful for the characters and the story.

Mithos got Raine sick on purpose to try and get onto Genis's good side by just haaapppppening to know the cure; it was all part of his master plan don't @ me I know I'm right.

Half the fandom thinks Raine merely gets seasick because they weren't paying attention to the fact that it's actually a trauma response to nearly drowning as a child and seasickness is by itself not even a factor in the usual way. This has been true since 2004.

Sheena battles intense boob sweat every fucking day and nobody ever gives her credit for that. She is a queen.

The OVA gave us the best Regal x Raine scenes we could have ever hoped for and the entire fandom slept on that shit SO HARD. WAKE UP!!!!

While I'm at it, the OVA "half-elf" reveal was an unexpectedly delicious food.

ToS gave us the beefiest eye candy man imaginable and he's always been one of the least popular characters?? I'm sorry but is this because he's not a himbo?????? ??? ???? ? Is it because his in-game model is terrible??? Because the timeline of his story has confused the entire fandom since 2004??? Where's the beef? Regal has literally all of it. The core muscles this man must possess. Don't try to tell me you're not thinking of some depraved shit right now. I know better.

I love how the fans collectively pretend the Katz don't fucking exist because like, big same actually. ghghghhgsjdfdsa

DotNW is literally evil. For what you ask? For trying to say Raine has a split personality because she gets excited about things. Let our autistic queen enjoy her trauma-induced special interest. God forbid women enjoy anything!

Palmacosta is filled with rats and they didn't even show me one rat in the game which is disappointing.

I want to fold Zelos up like a paper airplane and throw him into the wind.

Presea grows up to be so fucking buff, and I love that for her. The best lumberjack ever. I am right.

The game gave us a grand Meltokio ball but I propose that we go back in time and convince the creators to also give us a ball in Sylvarant because I want to compare the barn raising to the ball. For science. And also research purposes. Zelos's costume reward for this should be a pair of overalls without a shirt. No I am not accepting criticism.

And finally one spark of hatred: I hate how difficult AUs are for this series, since it feels like even if you can do one ship/character storyline justice you can't do everyone's story justice. (But you know me, I always have ideas anyway. I just want to complain.)

[pekejscatbed]

Take my Lungs (4/4) | Craig x Kenny

Info/Warnings:

high school AU, profanity, mentions of death & dying, Stans mystery man is revealed :), Kenny uses he/she, Tweek uses he/xe

1/4 | 2/4 | 3/4 | 4/4

south park masterlist

———

Kenny's night at the theater is uneventful and boring; there hasn't been a new movie showing in weeks, meaning business has been slow as ever (how Kenny's employer can even afford to pay him at this point is a mystery, but Kenny can't say she's all that interested- not when she knows her next paycheck is just around the corner). There are a few regulars who show up, some who would rather watch a shitty movie then talk to their spouses or take care of their children, and some who just genuinely have nothing better to do.

Sighing, Kenny pulls out his non-name brand phone and checks the time, rolling his eyes at the 7:00 on his phone screen. Only five more hours of this shit. She sighs again.

———

Around 9:30, a familiar face walks up to Kenny's little ticket booth.

"You never answered my question, McCormick." Craigs voice is still as monotone as ever (He has Kenny's bag slung over his shoulder- Tweak Bros closes in thirty minutes. Usually Tweek drops her bag off, as Kenny doesn't get off for another two hours).

"Never said I would, Tucker," Kenny grins, "just said I wanted to talk."

Craig flips the blond off, sitting her bag on the ground.

"It does hurt, to die. Some ways hurt more than others; some don't hurt at all- not physically, at least. Fucks with my head, though. Remembering my deaths hurts the most, because no one else does; sometimes I dream about death, have nightmares where I relive dying over and over, and I wake up in a cold sweat, heaving until I'm lightheaded. Sometimes I pass out or die again. I have these shit dreams and even more shit panic attacks, but I can't talk to anyone about them because no one fucking remembers." Kenny's frowning as he speaks, his voice turning into a whisper. "But you do. Why?"

She looks up at Craig, whose face is flat and unmoving. His eyes, however, are conveying a message of melancholy and grief and guilt through the greens of his irises.

"I don't." Craig looks Kenny in the eyes. "I dream about you dying. Before, after- I don't know, but every night I dream about you dying in a different way. Sometimes I dream that we're back in elementary."

Kenny doesn't say anything, just stares, disbelieving. Craig continues.

"Last night, we were in elementary again. You were being thrown around by a snowman with tentacles."

Recognition flashes across Kenny's face and he whispers, "I remember that."

Craig continues. "A few days ago, I dreamt you got pinkeye and turned into Zombie. You died three times in that one. One time, you were crushed by a UFO."

"Twice, actually." The blond finally speaks up, more than a whisper. "I was crushed by a UFO twice, when Cartman got anal probed by aliens."

"That explains a lot."

Kenny snorts. "Nah, man, Cartman's just a major asshole- anal probe or not."

A car pulls up in front of the theater, windows down as a familiar blond yells out, "You coming, Craig?"

Said male shakes his head. "I'll walk. See ya, Tweek."

"Bye, Tweekers!" Kenny grins when Tweek flips her off. "You hang out with Tucker too much!"

Tweek drives away, grumbling about stupid blonds and asshole friends under xer breath. Both Kenny and Craig laugh at Tweeks dramatics.

When Kenny checks her phone again, it's a quarter 'till eleven, forty-five minutes after Tweak Bros closed and an hour and fifteen minutes until midnight- when the theater closes. "Wanna walk around for a bit?"

Craig raises an eyebrow. "Closing early?"

"Yeah," Kenny nods, "no one's in there and I'm bored."

It only takes a few minutes for the blond to close up and grab her stuff, changing back into his hoodie as he does so, then the two are off, walking around South Park as everyone else is getting ready for bed or going to a bar. The almost-adults walk for a while, chatting about whatever random things come to mind, before falling into a comfortable silence. It's quiet for a while longer, until the two end up in their neighborhood, where they find an interesting sight outside the Marsh residents.

"Is that...?" Kenny trails off, watching as Stan and his mystery-no-more guy suck face in a fancy car.

Craig stares at the scene, mouth agape. "Tolkien."

They watch as Stan gets out of the car, bidding goodbyes and goodnights with Tolkien, who drives off with a wave. Then, Stan sees them- his eyes go wide like a deer caught in headlights as he stares at Kenny and Craig, who stare right back. Eventually, Stan mouths to them, "Fucking. Quiet."

Kenny makes a zipper motion at his mouth, then gives a thumbs up. Craig just flips Stan off, who returns the motion before entering the Marsh house.

The pair resume their walk, whispering theories about Tolkien and Stan, until they reach Craig's house.

"Goodnight, McCormick." Craig doesn't move.

"Night, Tucker." Kenny doesn't move either, staring into Craigs eyes- "Can I kiss you?"

Craig shrugs, pulls Kenny into a short kiss, then turns around and walks into his house.

The blond smiles as she turns on her heel. Time to interrogate Stanley.

[alynnl]

Ace Attorney Plot Bunnies + HCs collection 2/26/23

As I’ve been playing through the Ace Attorney series, I had quite a few ideas.  I wanted to share them, mostly for fun.  I’ll probably think up more as I go along.  These are the smaller ones for now.  My larger AU I mentioned on 2/1 will need its own post because so much has gone into it (and it’s still being added on to!)

Contradictions

Neither Wright or Edgeworth can watch TV shows with legal scenes in them.  They start nitpicking the inaccuracies.  And it’s actually Phoenix who gets more worked up about defense lawyers who are portrayed as dumb.

“You idiot, why aren’t you objecting?”

The Detective Accused

Initial idea: In the very first game almost the entire recurring cast was on the defendant stand (Even Nick himself) - except for Gumshoe

Gumshoe gets falsely accused of murder.

Nick meets Edgeworth who's apparently acting as detective in his place.

"Wait.  If you're the detective then who's the prosecutor-"

The prosecutor on this case is none other than Franziska von Karma

In an earthquake 

Wright and Edgeworth are meeting somewhere (maybe a cafe? I have the idea they’re on more friendly terms past case 1-4.) An earthquake happens and they have to take cover.  

It’s Edgeworth taking the lead at first getting them to the safest place, but then he just can’t fight his fear anymore and starts disassociating.  Wright tries what works in court, and says anything to get Edgeworth talking.  This slowly brings Edgeworth back, allows him to ground himself.  

(It might be kind of funny if Phoenix started a (legal) argument just to get Miles focused on anything else!) 

(Another topic could be the Steel Samurai show.)

By the time they’re done talking, the earthquake has long passed.  And Edgeworth can actually control his breathing after the fact.

Human Shield

“What if Gumshoe took a bullet for Edgeworth and he had to continue an investigation without his trusted detective?”

Becoming his Hero

Chaos ensues either during an investigation or a trial.  Phoenix is about to get swept up into the riot, when someone in a Steel Samurai costume takes him to safety.  The Steel Samurai reveals himself to be Edgeworth.  (I have no idea why Edgeworth dressed up.  I just thought it’d be funny.)

The Dream

This is a dream I had between AA games 1 and 2.

In the middle of a court case, a portal opens to a parallel dimension.  The cast meets palette swap versions of themselves, with different personalities.

There was some light angst in Nick saying "Maybe in this world, Edgeworth...." (Is still alive)

Then the real Edgeworth showed up, along with a parallel version of him with blue hair and a blue suit (Miles von Karma.)

Edgeworth’s fever

(A scene I imagined waking up one morning.) It's just before a trial and ...

Phoenix: I wonder where Edgeworth is.  It's not like him to run late.

Gumshoe: Haven't you heard, pal?  Mr. Edgeworth's not coming to court today.

Maya and Phoenix: Whaaaat??

Phoenix: Why isn't he coming?  Did something happen?!

Gumshoe: He's sick. I came to brief him on the case this morning as usual, and he was in bed with a fever.  

Phoenix: A fever?  It's not too bad, is it?

Maya: Is he going to be okay?

Gumshoe: He looked a bit better once I fetched him some medicine.  He told me it tasted terrible.

Phoenix: Leave it to him to find something to complain about.

Gumshoe: Before I left his apartment, he told me to pass along a message along to ya, pal.

Maya: A message?

Phoenix: What did he have to say?

Gumshoe: He got a real serious look on his face and said "Tell Wright he better not even think of quitting this case, or doing any less than his best.  I'll be watching the news to know how this trial goes."

Phoenix: Yeah, that sounds like him alright. (How is he putting pressure on me when he's not even here??)

Maya: Not to worry!  We're gonna give it our all, right, Nick?

Phoenix: ..!  Uh, yeah.  Of course we will!  (I hope I sounded more confident than I feel!)

Phoenix visits Edgeworth at his apartment after the trial (keeping his word and seeing it through.)

And while Edgeworth is still himself (bickering with Phoenix but also praising him for his determination) - he's also in his PJs, having soup from a mug along with green tea and he's been watching Steel Samurai reruns ever since the trial ended.

**(Possible addition, possible separate idea)

Edgeworth's favorite episode happens to come on.  One Edgeworth says is underrated compared to one of the bigger, more dramatic season finales

The episode is "Tales of Neo Olde Tokyo" similar to the Avatar verse Tales of Ba Sing Se.

It has short stories featuring the Steel Samurai and his sidekicks going about their lives in the city as a "calm before the storm" in what will be the season finale.

And there's an emotional scene of the Steel Samurai singing a song of remembrance to his departed older brother, the Iron Samurai.  Who died protecting the city from the Evil General (the Evil Magistrate's dad) in a "taking you with me" fight.

And by the time the song reaches the end even Nick is crying.

("I didn't know Will Powers could sing like that!")

[squiffythings]

On the level of absurdity, it's always funny to see posts like this. Yeah that's funny, but it's a common story. As someone who has run games 4 times for every time I've played, this kind of stuff reminds of just...poor storytelling.

My own wake up call was not in terms of an unlocked door (instead it was a gestalt hivemind situation where I 'punished' players by withholding the story because they didn't notice I'd started speaking in plurals). It was a bad session and I was rightly knocked on the noggin for diminishing our shared experience by running them through the same cycle of three actions because I just couldn't buy that they couldn't figure out something so obvious to me (who had...read the books and knew the secrets).

The worst of this was end of high school for me. D20 modern. 5 players. 3 rolling joke characters (including 'that guy', you know, that guy who names every character Boner Fartington the [Kender/Tiefling/Chaosspawn/Bad Player Excuse to Act Bad Class and/or Species]). I rolled an inventor type because I was into the system. The 5th had a good character idea for a...I think it was called 'Tough' class? Actual storytelling, lots of hooks for a session host.

We were all 17. Good story guy was 19. He'd graduated a year ahead of us and this was his one night off from his shitty convenience store job. He'd been excited for D20 modern because we were 3.0/WoD players mostly.

We get to a hallway with a steel door with what we think is a keypad (metal screwed down plate with buttons symbols numbers and letters). The last 50 of our sessions 90 minutes go by trying to hack, bypass, decode, everything. This was mostly me and the 'criminal' type class. Story guy has nothing to do. Then finally, as curfew hit for half of us and the other half were living there, it comes to an end. The big reveal happens. It Was An Elevator All Along. We had a laugh. We went home.

Story guy lasted one more session before he spent his singular night off on things that respected his time better. I always regretted that. He was my first friend, the group grew around us.

So for every "LOL YOU COULD MAKE A PODCAST" story, there's usually a person who has spent a lot of time trying to engage with the system as a storytelling mechanism and gets overlooked.

[System appropriate name for the person running the game here], it's your job when this shit happens to send a gust of wind to pop the latch or just say, "You're overthinking it, buds!" And if everyone is just having a bit of a hee haw day, we always had a better time saying clearly we're more in the mood for smoaks and joaks so let's throw on a bad movie and get popcorn than frustrating the balls off a friend who came to pottery class and has to watch everyone chuck clay at each other's heads instead of throwing some cups and pots to glaze. Letting your players spend 2 hours on an unlocked door feels just like those, "What starts with F and ends with U C K?" and then holding them hostage for 2 hours until someone says Firetruck so you can be smug.

Monty Python and the Curse of the Nat 1.

[chiimeramanticore]

HECK YES FALLOUT NEW VEGAS MENTION ON THE TIMELINE!!!

What's been your favorite mission you've gone through so far? This is one of the few games where I thought the main storyline was just as alluring as the side quests, so I'm interested on getting your take on what has been the most fun/interesting so far. :)

YES I GET TO TELL THIS STORY ok so one of the first things i did after recruiting yes man was check out the ultra luxe cuz i hadnt spent much time there yet and i wanted to be like "haha our honeymoon in vegas, let's go gambling" and we quickly met heck gunderson at the bar who gave us his quest to find his son ted. i start asking around the employees and we learn about the rumors that the white glove society are cannibals, and that there's a detective investigating another disappearance at the hotel. so we go up to his room and hes Dead on the floor

and im like "shit i gotta investigate" and as i approach his body i hear yes man go "a pulled trigger's a happy trigger!" and im like "what the fuck are you doi- YES MAN NO THOSE ARE EMPLOYEES" and now there's 2 white glove guys dead right outside the hotel room too. i knew if yes man killed them they mustve been hostile anyway but im thinking we're gonna get in trouble for this. and then i realized this is the perfect opportunity to do the "take out the guards and steal their clothes for a disguise" trope so

anyway the detective had a note on him saying to meet someone in the steam room at 4, so we go down there and turns out one of the employees/white glove guys we talked to earlier is the person waiting for us! and he tells us that the white gloves used to be cannibals but not anymore, and it's only this one guy mortimer (who we talked to earlier as well) who wants to put humans back on the menu literally lol by tricking everyone into eating ted, the guy who went missing, and only revealing after the meal that theyd eaten human. this guy gave us like 4 different great ideas for messing up the plan but i wanted to sneak in as an employee, swap the meat in the meal out for something else, and then reveal that ted was alive after the chef did his own "reveal" bc that sounds insane

so we go down into the kitchen and . ok so yes man is bad at fitting through doors, he struggles w basically every door we go through lmao. usually it's fine but it didnt take long before he literally got stuck in a wall. and i was like. ok ill come back for you kdfhgk so i continue on and eventually find ted in the freezer waiting to be killed. and im like hey man im here to get you out, let's go

we walk outside of the freezer and immediately run into the chef. this wasnt a cutscene or scripted or anything it was just by chance he happened to walk in then. so im like Okay Time To Go and just BOLT back the way i came, barely caring if ted is even following me. as we start running, i get a notification that yes man is unconscious, meaning there's people trying to kill us, and neither ted nor i have our weapons because you have to hand them over when you enter the casino

we catch up with yes man who wakes up and gets unstuck from the wall. he starts following us back up the stairs and out of the kitchen and he's got laser blaster arms so now he's shooting at every employee that moves. we get out of the kitchen, run through the restaurant, through the casino, and out of the building, all hell breaking loose behind us while we do and yet somehow we all make it out of there barely hurt at all and it's AMAZING. my reputation with the white glove society is now Vilified lmfao. and then i realize ted's dad is still inside the building so we have to go back in LMAO

mr gunderson is understandably very pissed off that the family he's been a huge food provider for wanted to eat his son and says he's going to stop supplying his beef for them BUT with a good speech check (good speech checks are genuinely one of my fav parts abt this game) i convince him not to- saying the cannibalism thing was really only one or two people and that starving the white gloves also means starving the rest of the strip. this improved my reputation not just with the strip, but w the white gloves too, meaning i was able to finish that mission in the clumsiest possible way and Still managed to come out with everyone at least a little grateful for it

genuinely dont know if ill be able to beat this experience in-game, it was SO much fun . also i got to put yes man in the pool

[junkmailmusubi]

Dream Log: The Control Conspiracy

AKA the single wildest dream I think I've ever had.

Revelation Date: June 27, 2024

(I woke up from this one legitimately THRILLED. that's how awesome it was.)

-started out as a standard, uninterestingly weird dream of mine then slowly morphed into this one

-one of the few dreams where I was not myself! I took the form of some nameless protagonist boy (called Protag from here on out)

-at this giant outdoor party, don't remember what for but Protag is reasonably happy to be here

-while messing around on some equipment, we meet a girl in a backroom

-don't remember her motive or the first conversation but clearly she has Protag on her side.

-now would be a good time to mention that this all ran off of video game rules. me and Protag are separate; I was the 'player'. I could continue after death. which also led to the timeloop plot.

-I'd let Protag do most of the talking (dialogue, etc.) but could make a conscious effort to speak myself. mostly about what to do next. (only thing I remember saying is "Alright, let's do this one more time.")

-anyway, this girl tells us how the. government? of this town we're in is planning to release a mind control gas at the end of the party. needed someone to help her stop it. we seemed a pretty enthusiastic volunteer.

-and now would be a good time to talk about the timeloop part. despite our best efforts, I would ultimately run out of time and die. this was a single loop. the only difference between loops was that I'd get a little bit farther each time and our teammate would remember what happened. I only got through 3 or 4 loops before waking up.

-our teammate had an actual name but she was only supposed to reveal that in later loops. so let's just call her M for now.

-M seemed to know that her story ran off video game rules. she knew about the timeloop, at least. she knew that the only way to end the loop and reset time was for Protag to die. because every loop ended with the mind control gas being released and M regretfully killing Protag.

-M's idea of 'killing Protag' was... slowly. by injecting something that would slowly rip apart his code. numbness. brain fog. shortness of breath. joints feeling misplaced (hitboxes shifting). it took quite a few minutes, which was agonizing for us both, but it allowed me to watch and gather info for next time.

-on one loop, someone was trying to secretly interrogate Protag, and the last thing he said before conking out was "...No. No, I won't ever tell you. You can never know." I just think that was neat because usually I never remember dialogue from my dreams.

-M was clearly distraught about having to kill Protag every time. she would always try to act apologetic or sympathetic when we met again at the beginning of a new loop. it buys her more time but it must feel pretty messed up to have to murder your friend over and over.

[yourstrulylve]

Snow on the Beach - Montague x OC

Chap. 3 [Breakfasts and costumes]

— a/n: no note in this one, enjoy! Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

Fine - Lemon Demon 3:09 ─────⚬── 4:39 ⇆   ◃◃   ıı   ��▹   ↻

October 28th, 2013 

I woke up at 9:00 am, looking around confused by the room I woke up in. It was huge with white plain walls, a big window with a desk in front of it. The bed was next to a wall and besides it was a bedside table with nothing on it and a pink chandelier hanging from the ceiling next to the bed. The bed was a king size canopy bed with white covers and curtains with some fairy lights hanging from them and some of the plushies I brought from back home. 

I stood up from the bed while rubbing my eyes to wake myself up. On the floor beside the bed was a very fluffy white mattress and next to it were some bunny flip flops. I put them on and roamed around the room for a while, apparently the only thing that was decorated was the bed, as the rest of the room was completely empty besides the basic furniture in it. It resulted that the room also had a huge, like I tell you, HUGE walk in closet WITH a walk in bathroom which was also HUGE, what a surprise coming from such a wealthy man. 

I got out of the bathroom and the closet and closed both doors, then proceeded to go out of my room and head downstairs. I didn't really notice before, but the building surely was huge, huge windows, long stairs and more. As I went further down the stairs I noticed a big dinner table with people in it, I rushed downstairs and hid behind the balustrade of the stairs and peeked through them. I spotted a Kitten, two girls, a big guy and a banana? I continued to stare, looking for my dad, but it was a poor attempt as it seemed he wasn't there. I continued to look around until a deep voice took me out of my trance.

⎯ “Good morning Lana, What is it you are doing honey?”  Midas spoke quite loudly, making me turn around and stand up from my barrier. I stood there, quiet, for a long while, until he spoke again, ⎯ “Wouldn’t you like some breakfast? What do you usually eat in the mornings Lannyloo?” He said, ruffling my hair and stepping out of the stairs, offering his hand for me to take, and I did. ⎯ “I like waffles.. And.. strawberries..” I spoke out as I walked towards the dining table looking at the people now in front of me. I inspected them as I walked to it. Midas moved and sat at the head of the table, I just stared at him and then, the so-called kitten, who was besides my dad stood up, revealing a huge muscular human-like body. 

⎯ “Whaaaaaaat..” I stood there astonished,  what the heck was even that? 

I made my way over to the free seat beside my dad’s which was also beside some girl with a red hat with some weird yellow wings and little eyes on it. I sat down, making sure not to stare so much at the now HUMAN-LIKE CAT BESIDES MY FATHER.  Instead, I looked at the girl besides me, she then just looked at Midas who instantly excused himself and spoke up, 

⎯ “Yeah! Sorry. Guys, This is Lana, my daughter.” He said, I just looked around the table in my chair awkwardly smiling at the others. Then, the girl besides me went spoke too, 

⎯ “OWWEE- You are so adorable! Lana is your name right? Oww, you have such pretty hair, You look nothing like that old guy over there, you’re so much cuter!! Aww look at your big doe eyes!!! My name is Skye!! Ahh look at you!! So small and cute~” she played with my curls, cupped my cheeks, looked at my arms, played even more with my curls as she squealed and jumped in her seat, she looked at me in disbelief as if Midas had never mentioned me before. Or maybe he just didn’t really do it. 

The other girl, or may I say woman besides Skye also looked at me as Skye showcased me like a trophy, I felt like a toy. Maybe Midas took notice of this because soon after he called the two girls out. 

I sat down at my chair once again with my food in front of me, I looked around just to spot Brutus staring at me, I smiled at him and he did so too without problem. 

When we all finished eating we all stood up, I went beside my dad, who was speaking with this HUMAN-LIKE CAT which also took notice of my stare and smiled at me, I just stared at him with dead eyes, and he quickly turned back to my father. I wandered around the dining room just to be greeted by the person, or may I say thing I was less excited to be greeted by, The Banana. 

⎯ “Hello little girl! I'm Peely, it's so nice to meet you.” He spoke with his hand stretched, I simply took it with my fingertips and smiled awkwardly then moved quickly besides my dad again. 

4 Years Timeskip 

October 31st, 2017 

⎯ “DAD HURRY UP!” I screamed as I got my head piece on ⎯ It was a halloween night and me and my dad were both dressing up as pirates to go out and ask for candy. I tried to convince Brutus but he abruptly said no, so I had to go with puppy eyes to my dad’s room and beg him to dress up with me. He ended up agreeing after some quick 30 minutes of staring soulessly at his eyes and crying. ⎯ It had already been 4 years since I got to the agency, and, to be honest, taking away all the missions and killing people part, this was one of the best decisions my mom had ever made. I was practically living a princess life.

I didn’t really have many friends so I instead spent time by myself writing letters to imaginary friends or sometimes famous people for fun. Sometimes I would also spend time reading a book or two, drawing, bothering my father and helping Skye with her school homework.

⎯ “Lana im already done you are the one who needs to hurry!” Said my dad as he entered my room. ⎯ “Well too bad blaming me because i'm all ready to leave, Lets goo!!” I said as I dragged him out of my room. 

We got out of the house and made our way to knock on different houses. As Midas held the big bag I ran to collect more and more candy from each house, each time filling the bag ten times more than before.

⎯ “See, I told ya’ bringing a bag would’ve been helpful” Said midas as he crouched down to my level and waited for me to pour the candy out of my pumpkin bucket and head down to the next house. ⎯ “Yeah of course, it still looks bad for me!” I answered as I stopped pouring the candy in the bag and sprinted to the next house. Instead, Midas just stood there watching me run to different houses quietly and then picking up on me later on. 

⎯ “You have grown a lot Lana, you know?” He said as we both walked back home after a long night of candy-hunting. ⎯ “I still remember when you were a little baby and was scared to talk to me or others, you always followed me around everywhere. But, you know.. You really haven’t changed.” He said.⎯ “Is it bad that im growing, dad?” I said in response, but he quickly shook his head ⎯ “No no.. not at all, it's just that you’re growing too fast, Lannyloo..” He said as he lightly laughed at that last part. ⎯ “And is it bad I haven’t changed?” I asked. ⎯ “No.. not really”.

[binniesoob]

MY THOUGHTS (through the lore lents)

Track 1: Devil by The Window

talks about Peter Pan (the Cat) when he tempted TXT to go to Neverland (Magic Island). "Traded my life" = the pact. The sarcastic "dream on" = they feel like it's a dream that they want to keep having, but it's not.

Track 2: Sugar Rush Ride

a "sugar rush" is a 'sudden and brief burst of energy supposedly experienced after the consumption of food or drink with a high sugar content.' After one you crave for more, that's why when you have a candies it's easy to eat one after the other and struggle to stop.

The lyrics could reference TXT acknowledging that they have become addicted to the sugar (aka the fantasy they are living on Neverland/Magic Island), who's a liar because it masks itself as a Daydream (sugar is sweet / Neverland is the escape they crave for and it's a beautiful place), but it's actually a Nightmare (too much sugar is bad for the health / the pact has violent consequences, their bad sides are brought to the surface).

Track 3: Happy Fools

TXT are growing, they can't stop it even if they want to, and growing up brings new responsibilities and more things to do: tasks, duties, experiences... They acknowledge it but they are intentionally avoiding it staying in Neverland.

Track 4: Tinnitus

Tinnitus is 'when you experience ringing or other noises in one or both of your ears. The noise you hear when you have tinnitus isn't caused by an external sound, and other people usually can't hear it.'

In TXT's videos we have already witnessed this phenomenon: in Magic Island (minute 6:45, 7:40, 8:55). It only happed to Soobin and Yeonjun and it resembled the ringing of a bell: it was a warning of the danger approaching aka the Cat.

In spirituality, Tinnitus can indicate that you are being influenced by someone who is negative in nature, the presence of a harmful energetic being in your space, causing a triggering of false belief systems and chaotic energy.

The song could reference TXT's subconscious alerting them of the danger and lies behind the Cat, Neverland and their temptations. They try not to listen, to deny the truth, but it doesn't work and it keeps on dazing them.

They feel lonely because, as we said, the person that hears the ringing is the only one that can hear it, and they don't share it with the others.

The noise it's empty, while their density 'attacks them'. "Empty" could be replaced with "meaningless" (they don't understand the meaning of the sound), or it could mean the "lacking" of something, or the "need" for something to replace it with, and we do have the contrasting density that comes into the picture.

There's a reference to the idol life in Taehyun's line and, on weverse, he revealed of having written it himself. The song could, at the same time, talk about how an artist without fame is pretty worthless.

Yeonjun’s line seems to reference the dreams/premonitions they have been having but not telling the others about it.

(can you believe that they only gave us a few lines but there's already so much to analyse)

Track 5: Farewell, Neverland

Hueningkai's verse made me think of Icarus that flew too close to the sun causing his wings to melt and him to fell down, free falling. It's interesting that TXT fly too close to the moon instead of the sun. The moon is a satellite, not a star that burns, so it's not dangerous, but for TXT it is: if at Magic Island they can see the moon it means that night is approaching/has arrived, and we know (I explained it in my summary) that when night comes at Magic Island they have to abandon it and go back to reality. Time is up at Neverland, and they acknowledge and accept it.

(It also references Soobin’s lullaby version pictures featuring the moon light projection.)

Yeonjun's says that "stars" can "sleep" comfortably until TXT are going to be "calling" them: this is a reference to the Star, that is still asleep and is going to wake up only when TXT sing the promise song.

TXT, TNC: TEMPTATION – preview lyrics

(c. @/translatingTXT on twitter)

Track 1: Devil by the Window

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!

Soobin: I met the devil by the window, traded my life / Temptation touched my tongue with the wings of desire

Taehyun: This whisper won’t give up but you put up a fight / It’s just the devil by the window / Dream on, dream on, goodnight

Track 05: Farewell, Neverland [Translation]

Soobin: My Peter Pan

Hueningkai: Running above the air / At full speed, towards the moon / Time to fall, it’s time

Yeonjun: Neverland, my love, I bid you farewell now / And I’m free fallin’ / Stars, sleep with comfort, till I be callin’

Track 03: Happy Fools (feat. Coi Leray) [Translation]

Yeonjun: Happy happy happy fools (x2)

Hueningkai: Happy happy happy happy (x2)

Yeonjun: I have a ton of things to do / But I don’t have plans of doing any of them

Track 04 Tinnitus (Wanna be a Rock) [Translation]

Beomgyu: Even if I block both my ears / Daze, it gets louder / The empty noise / It’s deafening

Soobin: Locked away in the darkness, it’s a / Daze, my density comes to attack me / Inside the empty noise, it feels so lonely

Taehyun: If you remove ‘star’ from Rockstar, / Just a rock, okay?

Yeonjun: I had a dream about it, nobody knew

Track 02: Sugar Rush Ride [Translation]

Taehyun: You’re bad, you’re a liar / What are you doing to me, sugar?

[jaestrz]

stay -mingyu

- angst - mingyu x reader - fluff - idol!au - mentally sick reader :( -

⚠️contains mention of reader self harm and mental illness

“because he was sunshine I was midnight rain.” -TS

🤍🤍🤍

You’ve lost yourself and finding it back was something difficult to do. There was nothing you remembered this morning, yesterday, and maybe last night. Memories were slowly fading.

“Are you sure baby? I can stay if you want. We’re not doing anything today other than self practice.” The bed sunk under his weight, the warmth of his hand contacted with your paled cold skin as your body forced yourself to wake up and reply him. Mingyu can’t do that. He can’t miss a day off work just because he needed to take care of you. You managed to get up a little to kiss him goodbye before he goes. “ it’s still practice, just go. I’ll be alright.”

He wasn’t so sure at first until you convinced him and he left, kissing you.

You promised him. You did and it fucking broke because of your selfish mind.

The bedroom was dimmed, the only light that could be found was from the moonlight outside and the living room. It was 2 in the morning, you were startled from a nightmare. Mingyu was beside you, his phone brightness shined a little. He seems to noticed and puts his phone down, getting his water bottle from the bedside table and gave you to calm down.

“it’s not real. hey. i’m beside you.” his voice sounded soft, you feel him shift beside you to turn on the diffuser; the scent of peppermint filled the room. Gyu didn’t start questioning you. He hugged you and caressed your body in his arms until you’ve calmed down. It’ll always ends with you both falling asleep again.

And your mind goes blank. Like something just knocks you and you couldn’t remember anything else. When you woke up, all you could think of was when will Mingyu get back from work.

You think too much and he hates that.

“baby, what are you thinking?” he asked, seeing the sight of you not touching your plate. Only you spacing out. You forced a smile and shook your head, taking the fork and moving your food around. “I’m alright. Just thought about something from yesterday’s promotion incident.” You told him.

“yeah? About yesterday that we won?” He asked but you shook your head no. “maybe not that, before the stage. One of the staff criticized me about something. But it’s fine.” Your word made him stop his actions.

“the new staffs?”

You hummed in response. “and the temporary manager was really judgy. Maybe i’m just being sensitive.” You said. To be honest, he was strongly agreeing with your opinion. The usual team that svt worked with was on a staycation. They’ve worked hard. But the temporary team was really uncomfortable to worked with. Their words were a little bit hurtful. The other day one of the staff was commenting about your weight with not really the nicest things to be heard. “Cheol wanted to switch the temporary staff but he still needs to talk with Bang Si Hyuk. Be patient for a little hm?”

The universe pushed you to a challenge every single day, and once you’ve reached your limit you don’t think you could stand up again.

Your breathing was getting heavier, your body felt cold on the mosaic floor in the living room. Fresh scars on your skin with a razor blade in your other hand. Your phone rang. You don’t know how many times but it definitely rang. You couldn’t move to pick it up. Perspiration covered your body with a stinging pain in your arm. You forced yourself to look at your phone.

5:57

(24 missed) calls from m🤍

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9…

The sound of the front door unlocked, revealing Mingyu. “love, I’m home” his voice died down when he saw your current state.

it’s hurts more than a knife pierced through his heart. But he didn’t panicked. Mingyu kept calmed, sitting beside you and hugged you tight. “I relapsed.” your sore throat managed to say that. He didn’t look disappointed neither mad.

He tilted your head to look at him, his thumb gliding across your face; wiping the tears off.

“hey… you’ve made it this far. can you stay with me love? i’m proud of you. maybe this was your stop because you were tired of running. i’m not going to leave you I promise. let’s get through this together.” He smiled at you, taking the sharp object from your grip and kissed you. He walked somewhere around the house and came back with a first aid kit to heal your scars.

he took care of you well and both of you were absent for practice. Mingyu didn’t mind. He would trade the world just to take care of his light. His only source of happiness.

It would be a lie if a human never broke promises. No one’s perfect. Everybody has a stop station. Maybe this was your stop.

[yourmidnightlover]

all my fault

Request: spencer and y/n are married, and they’ve been trying to have kids, and then she finds out she’s pregnant. a few weeks into the pregnancy, she has a miscarriage, and at the hospital the doctor said it’s bc she had an abortion as a teenager, and it fucked up her it yet us. spencer didn’t know she had an abortion, and blames her for the death of the baby, and they end up sleeping separately for a while and they have to grieve by themselves. spencer ends up talking to emily about it bc of her experience and it has a comforting ending!

Summary: when reader has a miscarriage after trying to have a baby with spencer, and things about her past are revealed and leaves things rocky within their relationship.

CW: miscarriage, pregnancy, mention of abortion, spencer’s rly harsh at first, teenage pregnancy, mentions of surgery, a cervix condition that i kinda made up, depressive thoughts, negative self-worth, HAPPY ENDING. *please let me know if i’ve missed anything*

A/N: i’ve been working on coming up with a series, which i posted last thursday! i’m sorry i haven’t been as consistent with my schedule, this summer has really taken a toll on my mental health and school is about to start back up. i promise i’m not quitting writing, but my writing might become a bit more sporadic in terms of my posting schedule. i’m still not sure if i like how i’ve executed this piece, so please let me know what you think!

IMPORTANT A/N: this contains serious topics centered around pregnancy and abortion. reader end up blaming herself and it is a very triggering subject to some. if you aren’t comfortable with those kinds of depressive thoughts PLEASE DONT READ. i don’t want anyone to be triggered by my writing. your mental health matters. you matter. do not read if your sensitive to the subject matter, please!

———————————————————————

when you and spencer checked the third pregnancy test and saw those two, very clear lines on the stick, you felt an unbelievable amount of joy.

“oh my god,” you clamped your hand over your mouth, your eyes welling with tears.

“y/n…” he held his breath, holding your free hand with both of his own.

“you’re gonna be a dad,” you huffed out a laugh as his arms flew around you.

“and you’re gonna be a mom! we’re gonna have our own little family,” he cheered as he breathed in your scent, elated from the news he had hoped for since you said ‘i do.’

spencer had wanted to be a father since he met henry, you remember how attached he was to the child who wasn’t even his own. you hadn’t always wanted children, only when you were absolutely ready for them. now, you were more than ready.

your arms flew around spencer’s neck as his went around your waist. he dropped to his knees and began pressing kisses against a bump that wasn’t even visible yet, praising you and your body for carrying his child.

because it was so hard for you to get pregnant, spencer decided to baby you every chance he got. you didn’t do the dishes or sweep, you weren’t allowed to reach for high shelves or even step on a chair to do so. he was worried about you and the baby, so you let him. you found it endearing.

the perfect man that you married was so worried about the little bean inside of you, worried for your safety, that it drove him a bit mad. who were you to complain? each time he’d do one of the new little quirks like not letting you lift anything above 10 pounds, you just smiled to yourself and brushed it off.

being pregnant was something that you had lost hope for, in all honesty. spencer had been talking to a few friends who had adopted children prior to finding out you were pregnant. if this hadn’t worked out, the two of you were going to look into adoption.

spencer had planned your doctors appointment for 6 weeks after your last period. the appointment was in three days. and then the perfect outline you had for your future went down in crumbles.

you had been having pains in your lower abdomen, and you figured it was just because you were pregnant. you went to the bathroom like you normally would when you felt queasy, kneeling by the toilet in preparation for what was to come. only nothing came.

you decided to just go pee and get back to bed. there was a pain that wasn’t like you’d felt before when you were peeing, like someone had been pulling your intestines out of your body. when you looked down, you felt your stomach drop.

“spencer!” you cried out. “spencer, hurry!” you felt tears well in your eyes until he ran up beside you. his hand was on your thigh as the other one was trying to steady your shaking hand.

“what is… oh,” he looked in the toilet to see blood inside of it.

“spencer… what happened? i don’t know what happened. everything was doing so well and the baby-we just found out and now they’re-wh-what’s gonna happen?” you rambled out, unsure of how something this horrific happened so quickly.

“i-i don’t know, my love,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “i don’t know. but we’ll go to the hospital right now, okay? we’ll get answers.”

you just nodded. you couldn’t speak anymore. you felt your throat closing in on yourself. you cleaned yourself up and got dressed. even looking in the mirror with spencer’s arms around you, you didn’t feel anything but guilt and worry.

spencer’s touch would usually be something to ease your mind and take away the thoughts of everything else around you. only this was something wrong inside of you. you were the problem this time. and you didn’t think anything could fix this feeling.

“let’s get to the hospital, yea?” you nodded as he held onto your hand, trying to ground you to himself as he guided you to the car.

you were silent the entire drive to the doctor. there was nothing to say. there was nothing to do. there was just… nothing. you were numb.

“hey,” he spoke up, “we don’t know what happened yet. there’s a chance it’s just a fluke, right? the baby might be okay.”

“what’re the statistics, spencer? tell them to me,” you ordered as tears flowed from your eyes.

“y/n…”

“tell me! why don’t you want me to know?!” you accused him, looking over at the man driving as he but his lower lip. “1 in 4 women who experience bleeding during a pregnancy are fine. 25 percent. the other 75 percent of people have either a miscarriage or serious complications. those are the statistics.”

“y/n…” he sighed, “it’s not your fault. you didn’t want this to happen. besides, there’s still a 25 percent chance that nothings wrong.”

“whatever,” you rolled your eyes and opted to look out of the window for the remainder of the drive to the hospital.

-

“alright,” the doctor entered the room. “we have the results from the test and we’ve examined the ultrasound pictures. i’m so sorry, but you’ve had a miscarriage.”

what were you supposed to feel? an overwhelming sense of sorrow? like a failure? like the one thing you wanted most in the world fell through?

“how-how did this happen?” you spoke through the tears. “we were so-we were careful. i didn’t lift heavy objects, i didn’t do repetitive motions, i just… we tried so hard to make this work,” you shook your head in disapproval, as if you wouldn’t accept the answer that had already been proven to you.

“there’s proof of an abortion when you were a teenager. there was severe damage done to your cervix that wasn’t assessed pre-pregnancy. now, we can repair the damage within the next two months, but it will still be difficult to become pregnant after the surgery,” the female informed you.

“then what’s the point of getting the surgery?” you scoffed, looking at spencer who was just staring off in space.

“while getting pregnant will still be difficult, maintaining the pregnancy is much more likely. the fetus would be more protected and secure after the surgery,” she explained with a pitiful smile, you couldn’t help but wonder how she could smile after giving you the worst news of your life.

“right,” you nodded curtly, allowing her to sense the mood of the conversation.

“i’ll leave you two be. i’m so sorry for your loss,” she gave the both of you a pitiful smile before exiting the room, the only sound audible being the closing of the door.

it didn’t feel real. it felt as though you were in a nightmare. only this time, you wouldn’t wake in spencer’s comforting arms. you wouldn’t hear the soft soothing voice of the man you love trying to calm you down. you wouldn’t feel the solace he would provide by merely being himself in your proximity.

the drive home was eerily quiet. there was an inkling of animosity between you. looking over at spencer in the driver’s seat, he had a dead look on his face, the only sign of previous emotion being his red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks. he didn’t even look like your spencer. he looked like a stranger in the drivers seat with a cold expression that you could barely read.

you knew this was something you should talk about. when the nurse came back in the room it was only to offer a few referrals go therapists that specialized in this kind of grief. clearly, any couple should talk about losing an unborn baby. but you knew that’s not what spencer was truly upset about.

you waited until you shut the door to your apartment before saying anything.

“maybe we should talk about it?” you whispered, not knowing how he’d react.

“about what? the fact that you’ve lied to me for our entire relationship?!” he wouldn’t even turn around to face you. “i thought we were in this together, y/n. we aren’t supposed to keep secrets from each other - especially not any that just killed our child!”

“hey…” you winced at his words. “why would you say that?”

“that’s the truth! your choices when you were a teenager just killed our child! my child!” he finally turned to face you, and you wished he hadn’t.

“do you think i knew they would botch my abortion, spencer?! do you think that’s what i wanted?!” you stepped closer to him, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“i don’t know what you want anymore, y/n,” he shook his head, clearly exasperated.

“i want you. i want to get the surgery to fix my cervix. i want to grieve our child. i still want kids… with you, spencer,” you tried to ease the mood, calm him down. you reached your hand out to cup his cheek before he dodged your touch, afraid of touching you. “but you don’t want that?” you whispered so quiet, too afraid of the answer to raise your voice.

“i-“ he sighed and bit his lower lip. “i don’t know.”

“right. of course you don’t,” you shook your head before sitting on the couch, dropping your face in your hands.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffed as he took off his coat.

“it means that: of course, you’re making this about you! it can’t be about us grieving our loss together like the doctor recommended?!” you peeked between your hands at the man you still didn’t recognize.

“maybe we shouldn’t grieve together since we can’t even have a conversation without getting angry at one another,” he tried to reason.

“the only reason i’m getting mad is because you’re blaming me for my baby’s death,” you spat back at the doctor before you.

“because it’s your fault!” he stood strong in his belief. “when you were a teenager, did you or did you not have an abortion?”

“i did,” you admitted.

“and the nurse said that in said abortion, they screwed your cervix up! if you didn’t have that abortion, our child would still be alive! we would be on our way to become happy parents!” he accused, rubbing salt in the already stinging wound. “it’s your fucking fault!”

“stop saying that,” you shook your head and dropped it back in your hands, trying to hide the tears that began to flow down your face.

“it is, y/n! i can’t believe you’re even trying to say this isn’t!” he chuckled, clearly getting under your skin.

“shut up, spencer!”

“i can’t, y/n!” he sat in the chair across from you before standing back up, too hyper to sit. “no wonder it was so hard for you to get pregnant.”

“spencer,” you begged him to stop, meeting his face with your teary eyes.

“y/n,” he stared you in the eyes, and you saw a glimpse of the man you loved for a second before he retreated to the bedroom.

you sat on the couch in confusion of what had just occurred.

when you were 15, you’re boyfriend was adamant about taking your relationship “to the next step.” you didn’t think you were ready to have sex, but you wanted him to stay with you. so, you gave in. it just so happened to be that you were one of the lucky girls that ends up getting pregnant her first time in spite of birth control and a condom. you couldn’t tell your mom about your pregnancy, she’d have your head on a pole.

so, you earned enough money from your job to get an abortion yourself. you went to a clinic and had your boyfriend’s mom come with you to sign as your guardian. was it smart to get an abortion that cheap? probably not. but you had no other choice. your mom had made it abundantly clear that if she caught you fooling around with him that she’d kick you out.

you were 15. you were young and still had to finish high school. there was no support system for you. you would’ve been on the streets with a little baby - not to mention the amount of debt you’d go into for just giving birth to a child in a hospital. it was the only choice.

and now you were being berated for making the only choice you even had - and by the person you loved most in the world.

you curled into yourself on the couch, laying your head on the arm and crying into the fabric. you released all of the tension and turmoil. you held onto the cushions as if it were the man that you wanted - no, needed to comfort you. because as much as you’d hate to admit it and try to fight those thoughts, part of you thought that spencer was right. it was your fault.

you fell asleep on the couch that night. you didn’t have the strength to get up to grab a blanket so you just sucked it up.

spencer didn’t sleep at all. he was used to having you curled into his chest, or himself on yours. he felt terrible about how he had talked to you, but he was too stubborn to admit anything just yet.

in the middle of the night he went out of the room to grab a glass of water. he saw you curled up in a ball, you head resting on the arm of the couch as you slept. it was the most peaceful you looked in the past 24 hours. but you began shivering as you slept. you were probably too exhausted to get up to do anything.

he went to the hall closet on a detour and grabbed your favorite, soft blanket and laid it on top of your body. after placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he went into the kitchen and made his glass of water before taking one more glance at you. you had snuggled into the blanket, pulling it up to your chin with a gentle smile that always appeared when he kissed your forehead as you slept.

maybe he didn’t screw up too badly, after all.

the next few days were spent avoiding one another. spencer couldn’t face you after knowing you had kept something so dire from him for the entirety of your relationship. you couldn’t face him after he made you feel as though it was your fault you lost your baby.

you would stay on the couch all day, barely eating or drinking anything while spencer would go out - only mentioning the library or the office to do more paperwork. eventually he just started sleeping at morgan’s house - probably because he couldn’t stand being around you.

you didn’t know how to grieve your baby, you were hoping that spencer might help, but that clearly won’t be happening. on top of that, you were worrying about your marriage. he couldn’t even look at you, how was he supposed to talk to you and sleep beside you?

a lot of times, it’s perceived that the only reason women were put on this planet were to have children - of course that’s a false notion, but it didn’t make it sting any less. your body had betrayed you. you had betrayed yourself.

it was only 12 days after spencer left when he came back home, if he could call it that anymore. once he walked into the living room, he saw you curled up in that same position on the couch. you had a blank stare that was directed towards the black tv. the only evidence that you were doing something was the empty water bottles surrounding you - certainly not enough considering he’d been gone for over a week.

when he entered you didn’t even flinch. your gaze stayed on the empty screen and your face remained vacant of any emotion.

in all honesty, morgan was the one to tell spencer he should check on you. spencer hadn’t told him everything about your argument, he knew he was in the wrong. but he was just so angry. regardless, he was here now, and it’s a good thing he was.

you hadn’t been taking care of yourself. spencer had morgan and savannah checking on him, but you had nobody. he only realized this when morgan pointed it out. and as upset as he was, spencer would always love you. your expressionless face only worried him more. your clothes had been changed from when he last saw you, but he doubts you’ve had a shower.

he stayed silent as he began picking up the empty water bottles from around the table and couch. you looked at him quizzically with furrowed brows.

“what’re you doing?” you asked, your chin already quivering as tears threatened to stream down your face.

“i’m trying to help,” he whispered as sensitively as he could, making eye contact with the most pitiful face you’d ever seen.

“i think you’ve helped enough,” you rolled your eyes before resuming your serious stare-down with the television. “you can leave.”

“no, i can’t,” he replied, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch while being sure not to touch you - he didn’t know if you were ready for that.

“you already did,” you brought to his attention, briefly looking at him. “just go.”

“y/n, i-“

“i don’t want to hear it! what’re you gonna say that could make me feel worse, spencer?!” you let the tears fall past your waterline. “i know it’s my fault. i know i screwed up! and i’m sorry! i’m so sorry!” you replied with far too much sincerity, the tears streaming down your face before he scooted closer to you, planning on wrapping his arms around you. “stop! don’t come near me!” you pushed his shoulders away. “it’s my fault,” you lowered your voice significantly before wrapping your arms around yourself.

he had called emily as soon as he got back into the bedroom. he knew she had previously had an abortion when she was a teenager, and he just needed to hear her side of it. part of him didn’t even expect her to pick up the phone.

“reid, what’s wrong?” she immediately answered.

“i-i think i need to talk to you,” he whispered in a hushed tone.

“right now?” she asked in a mildly concerned tone.

“if you can? the sooner the better,” he answered honestly.

“alright. you want to meet somewhere or just come over?”

“can i just come over? it’s really personal and i wasn’t sure who else to go to,” he began tying his shoes and hoping she’d agree.

“of course, come on over,” she replied in a worried voice.

“ok. i’ll be there in twenty.”

he quietly left the apartment, not before sparing you a regretful glance. he lost his child, but you also lost your child as well. he just couldn’t control his anger. and partially, he thought he was right.

how could you not have told him about something so serious? the second you had began having issues getting pregnant, maybe you should’ve been open about previous pregnancies.

“hey,” emily greeted before giving him a hug after seeing his teary eyes. “come inside.”

“thanks,” he sniffled before stepping into her apartment.

she guided him into her living room and sat down on the couch beside him. they sat there for a few silent minutes before he was able to work up enough courage.

“y/n was pregnant,” he whispered, barely audible if she weren’t right beside him.

“was,” she pointed out, already feeling as though she knew the rest of the story.

“she uhm-she miscarried two weeks ago,” he somberly admitted for the first time to someone else. “the doctor said it was because she had an abortion when she was a teenager that somehow ruined her cervix.”

“and that’s why you felt like you needed to talk to me?” she gathered, she was a great profiler for a reason but this was far more obvious.

“i was pretty harsh. i-i told her it was her fault,” he bit his lower lip as he grimaced. “i really rubbed it in, too.”

“spencer… “ she sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing. “you’re mourning a life, right now. obviously, that would raise tensions and emotions would be heightened. but… have you apologized? for telling her it was her fault?”

“no?” he replied after thinking about it. “i was going to do that today but she’s… she’s not in good shape. i’m not saying she needs to be perfect, but while i was at derek’s i can tell she didn’t take care of herself. she barely drank any water.”

“did you ask her why she had an abortion? why she didn’t tell you? did you ask her anything about how she’s feeling?” emily asked once more.

“no,” he cowered down, feeling even worse about the truthful answer. “i was just… selfish. i didn’t think about how she’s feeling. i just-i feel so bad now, seeing what state she’s in.”

“when i got an abortion it was because i wasn’t ready for a child,” she began to inform him. “i was a child, myself. how was a child supposed to take care of another one? my mother would’ve been disgraced. i basically had nobody there for me. i kept it a secret because having an abortion is so controversial. i knew people would look at me differently for making a responsible decision for my future.”

“god, i feel so bad,” he began to tear up himself. “i love her so much and i told her these horrible things.”

“make it right, spencer,” she gave him a supportive smile and pat his thigh before he stood up.

“i-i have to go,” he wiped the tears from his face before giving emily a hug, grateful she would listen to him at such an ungodly hour.

he quickly drove back home, where he decidedly belonged in the first place. he never should’ve left home. he never should’ve left you. you were his home, and he didn’t know how he could possibly lose sight of that.

“y/n,” he cooed as he entered the apartment once more. it was noticeably a bit more clean. the trash was taken out, the dishes were done, and your hair was wet from a shower - he assumed. “hey,” he smiled when he saw you sitting on the bed, cheeks still red and tear-stained with red, puffy eyes.

“hi,” you sighed as you brushed your hair, spencer sat down beside you.

“how’re you feeling?” you shrugged. “i need to apologize to you,” he admitted, placing a hand on your thigh. “i’m so, so sorry for what i said. telling you that it’s your fault that we lost our child… i-there’s no excuse. i was clearly upset, but so were you. what i said was so out of line, and i’ll never be able to express how sorry i am to you.”

“you’re right,” you shrugged. “it was my fault.”

“no,” he rubbed his thumb on your skin. “it was not your fault. i’m so sorry i made you believe that.”

“when i was 15 my boyfriend at the time pressured me to have sex. we used a condom and i was in birth control but i still-i still ended up pregnant,” you began, taking a deep breath before continuing. “i couldn’t tell my mom because she would’ve kicked me out, so i saved up some money and had his mom take me to a cheap clinic. she signed as my mom and i got the procedure done. that was the end of it,” you finished tears streaming down your face. “a few weeks after the procedure i started having pains in like my lower back, but i didn’t think anything of it. so… it is my fault. i shouldn’t have gone to a cheap clinic, but i couldn’t live on the streets with a baby and no way to clothe or feed them.”

“y/n,” he got your attention, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “you were a teenager who had no other choice, love. it’s not your fault, it’s the clinic’s.”

“i just… it hurts so bad, spencer,” you shook your head in defeat before he wrapped his arms around you. “not even just emotionally, my body physically hurts so bad. i don’t know what to do and i thought i lost you and i didn’t know what i would do without you because i didn’t think you loved me anymore because it’s my fault,” you ranted out, sobbing into his shoulder before he moved the two of you around the bed to lay down, you on his chest.

“i’m so sorry you had to go through that, and that you’re still dealing with the repercussions,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “but know that i’m not leaving you. i love you and nothing will ever change that.”

“there’s nothing we can do now,” you whined, clutching to his shirt as if he’d disappear once more.

“we can go to the recommended therapy. we can get that surgery to fix your cervix,” he reminded you, rubbing circles onto your back as you sniffled. “then, if you’d like, we could try again for a baby.”

“so you still want to be with me?” you whispered by his ear, clearly worried of the answer.

“of course i do,” he said as if there were no other option; there wasn’t. “i’m so, so sorry, love.”

“the reason i didn’t tell you is because,” you sighed as you shuffled on top of spencer, now sitting on his lap and facing him. “because there’s this stigma that comes with having an abortion - and i didn’t know how you’d react. i also didn’t know it didn’t go well in the first place, but that’s a different story,” you chuckled. “i’m sorry. i should’ve told you about something so serious.”

“you don’t have to apologize,” he brushed a strand of hair from your face. “that was from your past. this is our future, we shouldn’t get caught up on it and allow it to ruin this.”

you nodded, “you’re right. are-are you staying here, now? or are you going back to derek’s?” there was an obvious look of hope in your eye that spencer never planned on squashing.

“i’m staying here,” he smiled. “home. you’re my home.”

“you’re so cheesy,” you rolled your eyes as a laugh left your lips.

“i’ve missed your smile,” he pressed a kiss to those very lips, your smile not going away but growing even bigger.

“i’ve missed you,” you pointed at his chest. “please don’t leave again.”

“i won’t. ever again,” you held your pinky out, he smiled and wrapped his own around it. “i’m so sorry.”

“we’ll work at it,” you sighed. “we’ll build back the trust and fix my stupid cervix and then maybe try again for a baby.”

over the next few months spencer and you had been going to therapy once a week, mourning the loss of your baby and working through your other issues.

five months after you found out about the miscarriage, you had the surgery to fix your cervix.

one year after you fixed your cervix you and spencer began talking about having a child. you were extremely nervous, rightfully so. you voiced your concerns to spencer about what if the surgery didn’t work? what if your cervix wasn’t the only issue? and he replied by reminding you that you would both take this one step at a time.

seven months after having the conversation with spencer about having children, a miracle had caught up to you.

you were pregnant.

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