#and i said if no can i annotate mine anyway as i read

[listenheresweaty]

Reminder that Stirringjuice/Ven themself has said that TMC is not fetish content. Kister’s works are NOT an extension of what was described in the allegations document. If you don’t want to consume TMC content anymore, fine (best you don’t— not in a way that gives Kister money anyway), but don’t spread misinformation.

EDIT: after rereading Ven’s callout document and finally being able to access ALL the screenshots he attached, I have decided that I will no longer support him. I will not go back to supporting Alex Kister yet, but I cannot support a blatant ableist transphobe either. link to annotation doc: (not mine) https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vReErDatnpQ_h3W-WlqrmzmPN26-UyDwLVwBKmHV09WhVZtdZQM44HRxvoV0ZTz8Ho-NaBVKYxjNuha/pub

Things I will be addressing:

Why I do not support Ven (separate from other victims)

Stuff that Alex Kister DID do wrong, even if the allegations were exaggerated/faked/done out of malice

The allegations and victims themselves.

WHY I DONT SUPPORT VEN

First of all, this ⬇️ (scroll down its below the blue highlighted ss. Formatting issues sorry.). This is a ss of Ven’s (now deleted, now archived post) response to how many people are calling him transphobic for his transmisogynistic comments in his document, and how he had basically outed Alex. Instead of saying something like “it wasn’t transphobic — I had to out Alex— it was necessary for the victims/proof/whatever”, Ven just says that if Alex didn’t want to be outed or subjected to transphobia, he shouldn’t have been a “groomer” (Ven later says that he had misused the word “groomer”. Everyone that Alex had interacted with in a sexual or romantic manner had been an adult, and had fully explicitly VERBALLY consented.)

However. Even if your opponent is a bad person, you do NOT have the right to be transphobic. EVER. criticize them on whatever they’ve done wrong, hold them accountable in a balanced and civilized manner— etc. Being protected from bigotry/ not getting misgendered, privacy, legal counsel— these are all examples of RIGHTS.

When you start denying something based on whether someone deserves it or not, that “something” has become a privilege. By stating that his transphobia was excused because Alex is a supposedly bad person, Ven has stated that not being subjected to transphobia is a privilege. here’s the link: (takes forever to load the keep reading portion but it works for me) https://web.archive.org/web/20240317125855/https://www.tumblr.com/stirringjuicee/745117180204548096/alex-kister-and-actively-using-being-trans-to-lure

Screenshot of the post below, along with something from the callout doc (annotated by a tumblr user. The non-highlighted color text is the annotated bit.

—— ss from ven response (click. It IS An image it just looks like text)

—- now onto some more details.

Ven, or StirringJuice, made the first allegations document against Alex Kister. He had stated himself that he does not consider himself a victim, just a friend of the victims who wanted to spread the word. Ven starts the document off by describing his past relationship with Alex Kister. He also includes screenshots of text messages from Alex— which often contradict or have no relation with what he’s saying. This is why it’s important to look at the screenshots, guys! Most of the toxicity in Ven’s relationship with Alex stemmed from Ven’s refusal to honestly his boundaries or feelings. He told Alex that he was comfortable with the sexual comments, he told Alex that he was comfortable being just Friends with Benefits, and he told Alex that they were welcome to vent to him any time <- all of this is corroborated by the text screenshots that Ven himself posted.

In Ven’s text messages, we can see him suggesting that Alex gets a therapist. Great! Nothing wrong there. And then you actually look at the ss:

(Ven is the blue. These ss are linked in the callout document.)

First of all. You cannot force ANYONE to get mental help, regardless of whether you think it’s for their own well-being. If their behavior is harming you, leave. But even the worst people on earth deserve autonomy for these kinds of things. Ven literally states that he had FORCED Alex to get a therapist, and you can see him admit it in the messages above as well.

after these ss links (labeled part 9 in the doc), Ven hits us with this absolute banger:

“[Alex] then decided to go off his meds.”

Someone had already said this, but: YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT TO OR ABOUT A MENTALLY ILL PERSON. EVER. REGARDLESS OF WHO YOU ARE, OR WHO THEY ARE. it’s an insult to every mental health community.

^ also, Alex gives a pretty good reason for going off his medication. Not that they needed to.

^highlighted text is Ven’s callout post. Purple text is a fellow tumblr user’s annotations. They have a whole post with these annotations. I’ll credit them when I’m done writing out my post. [clarification: the annotator uses “she/her” pronouns for Alex, Ven uses he/him. I use they/them because Alex was never publicly OUT as she/her before they were outed, so I’m not sure what to do]

Also: please go on the callout doc and see the “pt. 11” screenshots yourself. There’s a lot of them and I don’t want to add them here, but please go see them.

^Ven hears that Alex wants to start a new chapter with them (yknow, like redeem the toxic relationship they’ve had) and immediately assumes it’s in the romantic sense.

^Alex admits that they are not ready for a committed relationship, a good first step for smoothing over any toxicity.

^nothing else to add. Annotator did great.

^ text ss as listed under the “pt. 14” link

These are 3 out of 10 ss under the Pt. 15 link. Look at the text indicated to with the red arrow (drawn by me). Ven literally tells Alex that they “don’t understand anything ever.” They also tell Alex in a later ss (plz find it yourselves because I’m not posting all 10 photos) that they “don’t understand [their] own emotions.”

Maybe Alex was making an unhealthy decision by continuing to reach out to someone they clearly had an unhealthy relationship with. But these responses are borderline abusive, especially when aimed at someone who suffers from paranoia.

A huge chunk of the entire callout doc is Ven venting about his relationship with Alex. This relationship is not abusive, it is toxic on both sides. The fact that Ven put this much focus on these barely relevant details— even when the topic was the victims, not Ven himself— suggests that he did this out of petty vindictiveness. If the allegations are true, the victims deserved a BETTER PERSON and a BETTER FRIEND to share their story. Not someone who did it purely because it was en excuse to get revenge. If it wasn’t revenge, why add all these details?? (funny thing— the whole doc. Would be more believable if Ven hadn’t added all this stuff. He destroyed his credibility before even getting to the allegations).

the one below has more transphobia and general assholery than ableism.

^apparently once you are out of the closet, you are not allowed to go back or feel ashamed. Else you are lying and manipulative. Thanks, Ven.

I am done posting screenshots from the annotation document. Please, PLEASE read it in full. I will tag it in the comments. There are so so so many good points.

STUFF THAT ALEX HAS DEFINITELY DONE WRONG, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THE ALLEGATIONS ARE TRUE OR FALSE:

(Orange text is annotator, black is original doc).

Venting to/ Relying on a minor fan for mental health support (I think it was Mitchie). That’s not good.

making allusions to suicide during their relationship with Ven. Joke or not, that’s unhealthy.

ALLEGATIONS/VICTIMS:

wont say much here because I’m getting tired. some people on Reddit have been pointing out that some discord ss (not the ones I’ve shown you, those were imessage ss) look faked because there is use of military time, which is not an option on discord apparently. Other screenshots seem to use different fonts as well, further indicating forged evidence. I have fact-checked none of this and can’t verify it (not that you should be relying on my word alone, anyway).

I do not support Mitchie, since they’ve been telling people to self-harm and/or commit suicide when they point out flaws in the callout doc. I don’t care what you’ve been through. There is no excuse for that.

As for the other victims.. I find their statements fishy. However, I will not disbelieve them until more has been cleared up.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

prince's gambit highlights & annotations

chapter 10

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

‘It’s an independent governance. Which is absurd. On a map, it’s a speck. But I am Prince of Acquitart, as well as Prince of Vere, and the laws of Acquitart don’t require me to be twenty one to inherit. It’s mine. There’s nothing my uncle can do to take it,’ said Laurent. And then he said, ‘I suppose he could invade.’ And then: ‘His men could wrestle Arnoul in the stairwell.’

he’s talking to damen like a friend it’s so CUTE

And kissed him, a long, slow kiss with his hand cupping Aimeric’s head. Aimeric went attractively pliant, giving himself to the kiss, his arms winding around Jord’s neck; his antagonistic nature was apparently not one he exercised between the sheets. Jord, it seemed, brought out the best in him. They were occupied, like the servants, like the soldiers in the barracks. Everyone in Acquitart was occupied. Damen slipped past, and made his way to the stables.

everyone is getting laid but damen >:( anyway time to go hang out with laurent for another secret mission

Laurent had walked a few steps from the archway, crushing flowers underfoot. Now he leaned his back against one of the broken-down stones.

LAURENT LEAN #10 YAYYYY

‘I used to come here when I was younger,’ Laurent said, ‘with my brother.’ Damen went still, turning cold, but in the next moment the sound of hoofbeats had him turning, his sword singing from its sheath.

oh this is great from both perspectives.

damen pov- laurent: i used to come here with my brother damen, mentally: oh fuck i killed your brother and you don’t know and now you’re sharing this intimate detail with me and WAIT STAND BACK I’LL PROTECT YOU eventhoughikilledyourbrotherwhoyouloved

laurent pov- laurent: i used to come here with my brother laurent, mentally: this’ll make damianos uncomfortable. but also it feels kinda nice to share with damen. dude what the fuck am i even doing.

It was women.

HOORAY WOMEN

A few men, too.

:/

Damen’s sword was taken from him, and the knife at his belt was taken too. He didn’t like it. At all.

damen ptsd hypervigilance moment (although it’s a very reasonable reaction regardless. i think the real ptsd thing here is the fact that damen doesn’t trust laurent to keep them both safe in this situation, which like, given his experiences, makes sense)

Blindfold. He barely had time to absorb the idea before Laurent acquiesced to the nearest woman.

do you think laurent is comfortable with this because he hasn’t been abused by women, and because the vaskian women don’t seem to view him as a sexual object? it’s just interesting, how every time laurent is around women he seems to noticeably relax (except vannes, although that was in the environment of the court). i can’t imagine laurent allowing this treatment from men.

Damen was a little stunned by the image. The blindfold covered Laurent’s eyes and emphasised his other features, the clean line of his jaw, the fall of his pale hair. It was impossible not to look at his mouth.

damen i don’t think this is a universal impossibility i think you just have a kink

The blindfold felt more like a requirement of submission than a precaution, because it seemed very possible to trace their steps, both for a man like himself with soldier training, and probably also for Laurent’s mathematical mind.

“there is no honor in submission” theme, but this isn’t exactly submission. they agreed to it (or laurent did for them both) knowing that it’s a demonstration of trust, rather than any kind of forced powerlessness

He thought they had shown enough trust by coming here alone, under blindfold, without weapons.

craft note (kinda): i think a lot of this situation is being used to put damen in the position akielion slaves might find themselves in. the muddy nature of submission and pacts of helplessness, being forced to lower oneself and follow commands, being used as a sexual object in a dehumanizing but not necessarily unpleasant way. there is some part of damen that takes issue—he can tell he’s being dishonored and he doesn’t like it. this is, literally, dishonorable submission. so if damen applies that new sense of empathy and understanding to akielion slaves later on... we start to see how he reaches the conclusions he does.

Halvik sat on it, watching their approach with black eyes that reminded Damen of Arnoul.

so was arnoul the child of a vaskian warrior? i guess it would make sense right? just curious why this detail was included

Laurent calmly ascended the dais and arranged himself in a languid half-sprawl beside Halvik.

laurent lean #11! love the image of this badass warrior woman sitting with like. boss ass bitch business posture. and next to her we have laurent reclining coquettishly with an invisible non-alcoholic mimosa

The liquid was milky white and harsh with the rasp of alcohol; one shallow sip, and he felt hot fire run down his throat into his veins.

me when my dad told me to try rumchata mixed with fireball christmas 2019

On the dais, he saw Laurent wave away a similar cup when it was offered to him, despite the advice he had just given Damen.

me when i tried one sip of rumchata mixed with fireball christmas 2019

Of course. Of course Laurent wasn’t drinking. Laurent surrounded himself with the opulent excesses of a courtesan, and lived in them like an ascetic. It was beyond Damen why anyone thought they were fucking. No one who knew Laurent would ever think that. Damen drained the cup.

girl what does this even MEAN. it’s so abruptly petty. i’ll take it line by line i guess??

“of course. of course laurent wasn’t drinking.” = repetition implies damen is annoyed and exasperated by laurent’s hypocrisy and immunity to social customs

“laurent surrounded himself with the opulent excesses of a courtesan [prostitute], and lived in them like an ascetic [chaste religious person].” = a previous observation damen has made. laurent can be as sexy and raunchy as he wants, but he’s also untouchable and he knows it. this probably bothers damen, whether he wants to admit it or not, because he wants laurent soooo bad.

“it was beyond Damen why anyone thought they were fucking. no one who knew Laurent would ever think that.” = “he would never want a barbarian like me. he would never want anyone at all. it’s all just an act.” (also, damen confidently asserting that he knows laurent is cute)

“damen drained the cup.” = “well if i can’t fuck him and i can’t participate in diplomacy i might as well get wasted about it”

He decided, after the third cup, that he liked the drink. It was strong and rousing, and he found himself with a new appreciation of Kashel, who was refilling his cup. She was of a similar age to Laurent, and she was attractive, her body ripened and adult.

i love how damen rarely describes someone as attractive without mentioning laurent. it’s not “she was an appropriate age for damen to court” or “she was youthful but mature in a way damen found attractive,” it’s “she’s similar in age to laurent,” which is just shorthand for “damen finds her hot” because anyone who has anything in common with laurent is therefore attractive to damen in that way. the fact that damen was doing this shit even in book 1 when laurent was actively torturing him is insane. king.

Laurent and Halvik were engaged in talk. Their back-and-forth had the rhythm of a bargain being hammered out. Halvik’s flinty stare was returned by Laurent’s impassive blue gaze. It was like watching one stone negotiate with another. He turned his attention away from the dais, and let himself enjoy, instead, the open exchange with Kashel, which was achieved without language, in a series of long, lingering looks. When she took the cup from his hands, their fingers slid together.

craft: love the juxtaposition of the two paragraphs here. two very different kinds of negotiation going on

It was Halvik who answered, in thickly accented Veretian, ‘He is smaller, and has the tongue of a cocotte. His seed will not breed strong women.’

so i googled “cocotte” and yes it’s a word for prostitute, but also for a cast-iron cooking pot. cast-iron. lmao

Laurent looked entirely undisturbed by her description. ‘In fact, my bloodline does not throw girls at all.’

laurent transcends sex for procreation to me. if he’s fucking at all, he’s doing it for the bit, for trauma recovery, or because damen did something absurdly attractive and it got him feeling amorous. it doesn’t even occur to me that this man could be involved in the process of creating a human child.

‘Is this—are you ordering me to do this?’ ‘Do you need orders?’ said Laurent. ‘I can direct you, if you lack proficiency.’

i like how he never explicitly orders it, because he doesn't have to. laurent is both doing a nice thing for damen (getting him laid) and sweetening the deal with the vaskians

also yeah laurent definitely has a thing for being instructive and condescending to damen specifically. he’s made a "i can tell you what to do" comment one too many times and now it’s sounding a little too opportunistic to be completely aloof

‘Kiss her,’ said Laurent.

freak

He didn’t need to be told what to do or how to do it by Laurent, and he proved that with a long, deliberate kiss.

so what you’re saying is that the garden scene would have been a lot more fun for damen if he was the one giving head and showing off his skills for laurent

‘You can tell Halvik that it would be my honour to lie with one of her girls,’ said Damen when he drew back, his voice low with pleasure.

HOORAY CONSENT

She was a fine, well-made young woman, and she matched him with an intensity that grew out of her laughter as she pulled at his clothes; it had been a long time since he had enjoyed a free, uninhibited exchange of pleasure.

it’s interesting to note the difference in the way damen describes this encounter to ones with laurent. he’s having fun, but he isn’t really Affected. it’s like sports. i think he has felt genuinely attached to sexual partners before, like jokaste, but this isn’t that. and the way he remarks that he hasn’t felt simple pleasure in a long time speaks to his complicated and deep feelings about his relationship with laurent.

... he roused her to the point that she became hotly, dazedly abandoned to him, which, above all things, he liked.

craft note: foreshadowing ;)

Clothes were difficult. Laces eluded him. He decided, after a few attempts, that he did not require his shirt. It was taking all his attention to hold his pants up. Laurent was asleep when Damen found his way to the correct tent, but he stirred in the furs when the tent flap opened, his golden lashes fluttering, then lifting. When he saw Damen, he pushed himself up on one arm and gave a single wide-eyed blink. Then, soundlessly, behind the press of a hand, he started helplessly laughing. Damen said, ‘Stop. If I laugh, I’ll fall over.’ Damen squinted at a separate fur pile near Laurent’s, then made his best attempt: he wove, reached and then collapsed down onto it. This seemed the pinnacle of accomplishment. He rolled over on his back. He was smiling. ‘Halvik had a lot of girls,’ he said.

craft note: i love how his drunkenness is written into his narration. the short sentences, hyperbolic "pinnacle of accomplishment" comedy. it’s great.

also, i think “laurent blinked” might be a way of pacat saying that he’s, like, recalibrating himself. it's happened a few times now. it’s adorable

When he turned his head to look, Laurent was lying on his side, head propped on one hand, gazing at him, eyes bright. ‘This is instructive. I’ve seen you put half a dozen men in the dirt without breaking a sweat.’ ‘Not right now, I couldn’t.’ ‘I can see that. You’re relieved of your regular duties in the morning.’ ‘That’s nice of you. I can’t get up. I’ll just lie here. Or did you need something?’ ‘Oh, how did you know?’ said Laurent. ‘Take me to bed.’ Damen groaned and found himself laughing after all, in the moment before he pulled the furs over his head. He heard a final sound of amusement from Laurent, and that was all he heard before sleep reached up and claimed him.

so this must have driven readers of the original livejournal serial insane. you get a chapter where damen fucks several people who aren’t laurent, and then you get this. i can still feel aftershocks from the discourse and fan response

‘Your negotiations went well?’ ‘We certainly left in possession of a great deal of new goodwill.’ ‘You should do business with the Vaskians more often.’

pffft “get me laid more often please”

Eventually, and with an odd hesitancy, Laurent asked, ‘Is it different than with a man?’

ahhh this line. i’m sensing insecurity, trauma, heterophobia, and jealousy. and he actually let himself say it out loud!

It was different with everyone. He didn’t say this aloud; it was self-evident.

i mean. maybe not to laurent

For a moment he thought Laurent was on the verge of asking him something more, but Laurent just kept looking at him, a long, unselfconsciously studying look, and said nothing at all. Damen said, ‘Are you curious about it? Isn’t it supposed to be taboo?’ ‘It is taboo,’ said Laurent. There was another pause. ‘Bastards curse the line, and sour the milk, ruin the crops, and drag the sun out of the sky. But they don’t bother me. I pick all my fights with true-born men. You should probably bathe,’ said Laurent, ‘when we return.’

actual heterophobia. i love how pacat either 1) had to ask herself what reasons a culture could have for making straightness taboo, and came up with anti-bastardry or 2) knew she wanted veretians to have the anti-bastard bias, and realized that meant they were heterophobic. it’s funny either way

Aimeric stopped short and stared at Damen. Then he looked at Laurent’s door. Then back at Damen. Damen realised he was still radiating his good mood, and probably looked as if he had fucked all night and then crawled through a passage. He had. ‘We knocked and there was no answer,’ said Aimeric. ‘Jord sent men to find you.’ ‘Is there some delay?’ said Laurent, appearing in the doorway. Laurent was coolly immaculate from top to toe; unlike Damen, he looked fresh and well rested, with not a hair out of place. Aimeric was staring again. Then, gathering his attention back together, Aimeric said, ‘The news came an hour ago. There’s been an attack on the border.’

and you know they’d do the same exact thing, and appear the same exact way, if they were actually fucking.

also!! lamen hr complaint #3, from aimeric! they were busy fucking* while the border was attacked. also, damen displayed unprofessionalism in his appearance and conduct.

*to aimeric’s understanding

[streetkid-named-desire]

I've also been tagged in some wip whenevers but have had some morale issues lately

First is the collab smut fic between me and @luvwich

Who wants to beta 5,219 words of Bea/VG smut

Finally, he was free. Bea tilted her head to admire: V truly had a beautiful cock. It curved up to rest, heavy with blood and longing, on his lower stomach, still glossy with her spit and begging for more of it. She ran her hands up his torso, moving her body further up his, until her breasts settled on either side of his shaft. With a serene sigh, she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his stomach. He was warm and soft, his muscles firm but not too firm: the perfect pillow. Eyes slipping closed, she might have nearly dozed off until she felt his cock twitch against her.

And then I wrote that lil sugar daddy thing about VG that is smutty and that I might actually turn into a longer origin thing also as more exposure therapy to writing butt stuff

Charles called to V when he entered the room to join him in the shower. V stripped on his way to the bathroom and as soon as he slid the shower door open, Charles grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him in. He attacked V's mouth, desperate for connection, for joining. V pushed him away, "Missed me?" Charles grinned and nodded. He turned V around and slammed him against the shower wall and trailed kisses down his spine. V spread his legs as Charles kneaded his firm asscheeks. He teased V, kissing his supple flesh but not quite digging in just yet. V reached his hand between his legs and stroked himself, sighing contentedly.

@merge-conflict gave me good feedback (like really good I deeply appreciate it) on chapter 3 but my brain keeps seeing it as A Whole Thing because there are some major holes I have to fill and I'm kinda just at a standstill. Tbh I'm debating fixing what I feel my brain can fix and then just publishing and moving on. I can fix those other parts later.

Anyway it did force me to resolve the whole V cheating on Panam thing

"Really? A fucking mine?" V stared at the fading blue architecture blueprint for an abandoned mine shaft currently being used by some Raffen. He folded his arms and read the notes in Panam's handwriting where she had annotated various points of egress and speculation around where they were keeping the captives. It was the most thoroughly documented plan he'd ever seen come from Panam.

"What, afraid of the dark?" Panam teased. V looked up at her smiling face, her eyes glinting with the familiar glee she got before gigs. After Saul had convinced her to let V stay with them, she took him aside and yelled at him. A lot. He stood there and agreed with everything she said, every name she called him. She didn’t forgive him–and never would–but she never forgot all that he did for the family, and that mattered. The more time he spent in camp, the closer they got to rekindling their friendship.

Otherwise I've just been playing DAO and taking VP. Been doing some roleplaying with @totentnz of the early years of our Vs friendships

V shifts uncomfortably in his chair and slips his phone back in his pocket. "Did you know you can get unlimited balls for Skee-ball by playing a specific frequency from your phone by the machines?" V looks around at the other games. "Okay, that motorcycle racing game and the snowboarding one? Shove a penny in a specific spot beneath the seat or board and you can lean farther to the side than you should be able to. Just...don't fall off." He stands up to get a better view at the other machines. "Air hockey? Actually, I'm just really good at that one, nevermind." V pulls out his phone again to reply, turned away from V, <got a working shower with hot water?>

My birthday is next month. Gonna get myself a fancy cake. Probably ask it to be decorated in the blorbo colors.

Just got the summer blues or something idk existing is hard

[rosewatergrapefruit]

“

@sallycinnamons​ hehe okay. sorry this took forever I was like ‘ok if I post it I have to make double extra sure I’m satisfied with every song on there’ (special shout out to “Every Night” by THEE Paul McCartney, which I adore but decided was not right. It’s the only one I culled)

anyway HERE is a link to this playlist and below is a bit about why each song is on here or what gains the song entry to this playlist. Basically the organizing question is what does Love sound like to me, Mimi [REDACTED]? Like many great playlists it started as an informal shortlist in my head and I decided I really did want to keep track of them. You’ll notice maybe like I did after making the playlist that a lot of them are about someone you want to listen to or want to listen to you more than anything. clearly that’s the height of romance to me...

its not in any particular order, just how I added it. 

1. “Jesus, Etc.” - Wilco - “I’ll be around / You were right about the stars”

2. “Only for You” - Heartless Bastards - first song I ever felt sounded like love to me, would have been first song if I had not been actively listening to Wilco when I decided to pull the trigger 

3. “The Book I Read” - Talking Heads - “I’m embarrassed to admit it hit the soft spot it in my heart when / I found out you wrote the book I read” 

4. “Ask Me Why” - The Beatles - “I love you / ‘Cause you tell me things I want to know” also John’s cold voice sounds like hes cryinnnnggggg :)

5. “This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)” - Talking Heads - as I mentioned earlier, often considered The love song in a catalogue characteristically devoid of them. Can’t pull out a lyric, all of them fit

6. “Ladies” - Fiona Apple - “Nobody can replace / anybody else / so it would be a shame to make it a competition”

7. “I Want You To Love Me” - Fiona Apple - Hey Guy Have You Heard This Song.

8. “Village Green” - The Kinks - ok this one is more getting at the fact that you can love a place so much, and also I always love how he goes back and sits with Daisy even though she’s married to the grocer. sometimes when you go to college out of state you form strong emotional connections with village pastorals okay?

9. “If I Needed Someone” - The Beatles - kind of incredibly blasé for a love song but thats why I love it I think?? It’s saying listen I don’t actually need anyone else but. If i did it would be you..

10. “Sugar on My Tongue” - Talking Heads - YAYYYYYYY BEING ALIVE IN A BODY AND HORNY FOR ANOTHER HUMANBEING IS BEAUTIFUL YAYYYYY LETS ALL HOLD HANDS

11. “Tim I Wish You Were Born a Girl” - Of Montreal - a repression enjoyer classic but its on here because he literally loves tim more than he knows how to think about. ok wow

12. “Concerto for Philodendron & Pothos” - Mort Garson - I have dreams about trying to orchestrate this one day and I’m giving the synth around :45 to a lone trumpet. That’s Love

13. “Nothing But Mine” - Billie Marten - “Be my friend / there is no other way to say it”

14. “Slide Away” - Oasis - “I dream of you / and all the things you said” & “Let me be the one to shine with you” & “We talk of growing old” NEED I GO ON? This one very recently has become an instant cry in the first ten seconds kind of song, which is nice. It deserves it

15. “Don’t Let Me Down” - The Beatles and Billy Prescott who is really quite crucial here - best John vocal of all time. Sorry. Don’t let me down please don’t let me down. Don’t let me down........

16. “Live Forever” - Oasis - “Maybe you’re the same as me / We see things they’ll never see” - man. man. man. man. man. yeah

17. “People Take Pictures of Each Other” - The Kinks - “People take pictures of each other / just to prove that they really existed” 

18. “Village Green Preservation Society” - The Kinks - “Aren’t they the same thing? Love and attention?” 

ok yay this was fun. If I ever add more songs I might come back to this post I really enjoy annotated lists 

[origami-butterfly]

Prepare yourself for BOOK ASK DUMP

3. 4. 5. 9. 10. 17. 28. 30. 34. 44. 45. 46. 48.

Aaaaaaa that's a lot of questions! I'm honoured you take this much interest in what I read!

3. What is my preferred genre?

Fantasy, but I've been getting a taste for horror recently as well. I like most things though.

4. What is my least favourite genre?

Erotica.

5. What book do I think everyone should read?

I answered this on another one, so I have the same answer- Loveless by Alice Oseman. It would be nice for allos to learn about aro and ace experiences.

9. Do I have a favourite author?

Neil Gaiman... And I did like him before joining tumblr as well, that isn't the tumblr bias speaking. I also really like Ursula K Le Guin, but I haven't read much of her work.

10. What book am I reading right now?

I'm reading through a collection of short stories by HP Lovecraft, and the one I'm on is The Strange High House in the Mist.

17. Do I highlight my books?

Absolutely fucking not. For me, it feels so disrespectful to the book, and also there's always a chance I give my books away to either a charity shop, or a younger relative. I don't want someone else to see my brain splattered over their story. (I use post it notes when I want to annotate)

28. Is there a book that made me cry?

There's so many of them. I cried during my last reread of the Chronicles of Narnia, I cried reading Oblivion, by Anthony Horowitz, I cried reading American Gods, Anansi Boys and The Ocean at the End of the Lane, by Neil Gaiman, I cried reading Jamie by LD Lapinski (it's a children's book, but I read it because it's about being an enby in the UK school system). I've also cried rereading Matilda because of nostalgia. I cried reading Aces Wild by Amanda DeWitt (EXCELLENT book about being ace btw, highly reccomend), I cried reading Afterlove by Tanya Byrne... I think that's all, there may be more, but this is already too long lmao.

30. Is there a book that changed my life?

I said I can't think of any except the Bible when I was asked this before, and I meant it. I wish I had a better answer for you 😔

34. Do I read more than one book at a time?

Sort of. I have a book I keep in my school bag, that I read in school, and then I have one I keep by my bed that I read at home. It's just reaching the end of my summer holiday, so for the past month and a bit, I've been reading one at a time.

44. Did I read more as a child, or now?

Sadly, more as a child. I wish I could read more, but I have less time because of school and all the extra curricular I do. Also I got addicted to podcasts at some point, and I can't read and listen to different things at the same time :(((

45. Thoughts on separating the author from the work?

Depends. Is the author dead? Then it's easy to separate them. I don't really mind if some guy in the 19th century had awful beliefs, because he's no longer alive and can't use the money I use to buy the book for harming anyone. Is the author alive, and making an effort to harm people via money jk rowling then no, I won't separate them. If I got the book from a library? Fine, I can separate book from author, but I find if writers have shitty beliefs, it usually bleeds into their work, so a lot of it isn't worth reading anyway.

46. Bookshelf pic!!

I hope you know I feel extremely self conscious sharing these 😅 and yeah, I know my shelves are a mess.

48. What book would I give someone if they wanted a glimpse into my psyche?

I'll give a different answer to when I was asked this before! Aces Wild by Amanda DeWitt! The protagonist's ace experience (and some of the experiences of the other aces in the book) are very relatable to mine, as well as his thoughts on allosexuals. Seriously, where do they find the time for sexual attraction?

Ty for all your questions <333

[acourtofquestions]

Welcome to me being an irresponsible insomniac (& making future me hate past me for this😂 because I need to read at least one chapter a day with these cliffhangers😅 & I have no introvert time these days I NEED THIS NOT SLEEP😂) and thanks to my normal annotation sources still down you get a spam post! (I really don’t expect anyone to read these but it’s kinda fun for future fangirl me to have history of “what I thought” in my first read or “when I read it” etc.)

SO, EoS (spoiler warning for anything below the “more bar of safety” ;-) Chapter 55: updates to come as I read!

— The fact Lorcan’s biggest fear is how much it would hurt Elide to see her Queen destroyed says A LOT

— Okay so Fenrys and Gavriel were able to resist the order from a distance (good to know)

— interesting that she’s calm, not firey, not icy rage

— eight against five hundred (I MEAN COME ON)

— When Fenrys first said “divide it up” I totally thought he was braiding his hair😂

— the way Rowan knew she’d suggest the key before she did, and the way he (unfortunately) meant it he would die before letting her do that to herself… but also what does he think happens with the lock (that he’ll allow?) … I just don’t trust anything to do with these mystery items

— “You don’t give me orders.”— gasps oh no she didn’t oh yes she did

— At first I thought Aedion was riling her up to stir the fire and give her more power or something, and now I conquer with Arlin’s “assessment (or should I say sass meant)” he’s just being an ass & I don’t get it. Sure she “had a choice” but also “yeah, she didn’t” (and also it wouldn’t have been the right move anyways) and my gods can she do anything right by all of you? — like Aedion I love you, I know you love Aelin, and you have a right to be angry (she should tell you more, yes, you do know wars, but ALSO) do you not see what she knows? What she carries? What she’s stuck in and going through too? THIS IS NOT THE TIME (ur dad was right Aedion😂) and WHY IS EVERYONE SO HARD ON HER? — I feel like fandoms & series pick this one thing or one character & tear them apart so much more & I don’t understand it with her right now (reminds me of Nesta or Chaol or any of the many) and just Brannon’s dam warning.

— okay a little better teamwork, we’ll take it

— the ding dang lockboxed key🤦‍♀️

— Her taking a moment to hold Lysandra’s hand🥹 (hey this time they are braiding there hair😂… but wait why would she if she’s a shape shifter???) ps Aedion this was Lysandra’s idea so don’t go blaming Aelin AGAIN — another genius gal pal plan for the win!

— guess Rowan took the “my lady” request to heart😂 also this is making me lean towards the Scottish accent theory

— “don’t miss this time” “asshole” — couldn’t have said it better myself

— you know it’s bad when Manon Blackbeak isn’t the Apex predator😅😅

— thank you manorian but also HEY! listen to Aelin NO KILLING DORIANS PLEASE (at least Chaol would be proud😅😂 SHE TRIED)

— well there’s a load of lines in her prep for war monologue

— “the list of horrible/wonderful things Aelin says to Rowan”😂😂😂

— “horrible miserable Lorcan” she said with appreciation?🤣 (honestly though their… dare I say friendship? Idk) has been cracking me up

— “Remember who you are. Every step of the way down, and every step of the way back. Remember who you are. And that you're mine.” — gonna go cry again — HE TURNED THE MARKS INTO TATTOO SCARS — “That he was hers, just as she was his.” — he waited on the sandbank like a puppy🥺

— That Court moment of finally realizing she is their queen and they all belong to each-other like one big happy about to fight 500 demons in the middle of Shrek’s swamp family (reminds me of Feyre & Cassian fight when she gets back from Spring Court; a scene I actually love with their friendship/family/Court/ you matter message!)

— that explains the distraction and magic issue… I really do think it has no end for better or worse…😬

— “For the deeper she went into her power, the more her body, her mind, squeezed under the pressure of it. That was the burnout--when that pressure won, when the magic was drained too fast or too greedily, when it was spent and still the bearer tried to claw deeper than it should.” — a good way to explain the magic burnout

— “The true might of Aelin Fire-Bringer. Not an ember less.” — she claimin titles, LETS GOOOOO

— “So Aelin abandoned every trapping of civilization, of conscience and rules and humanity, and plummeted into her fire. She flew for that flaming abyss, only distantly aware of the humidity lying thick on her skin, of the pressure building in her head. She'd shoot straight down--and push off the bottom, bringing all that power with her to the surface. The drag would be enormous. And it would be the test, the true test, of control and strength. Easy--so easy to spear into the heart of fire and ash. The hard part was bringing it up; that was when the cracking would occur. Deeper and deeper, Aelin shot into her power. Through distant, mortal eyes, she noted the ilken sweeping closer. A mercy--if they had once been human, perhaps obliterating them would be a mercy.” — well that all sounds dangerous on many levels

— The Queen of Flame and Shadow, the Heir of Fire, Aelin of the Wildfire, Fireheart... — the way Fireheart is the last one the one identity she holds closest😭 also all these names just THIS scene

— “She burned through each title, even as she became them, became what those foreign ambassadors had hissed when they reported on a child-queen's growing, unstable power in Terrasen. A promise that had been whispered into the blackness.” — THIS is what I’ve been talking about RECLAIM IT

— THE INFERNO WENT ON AND ON

— so many ash references… how interesting

[aezuria]

*ੈ✎ he's an all american boy!

content: american football player! jason grace x reader

╰┈▸ back cover: mortal! au; part I | part II

warnings: cursing (sorry guys), kinda random non-linear plot (but its hcs so its fine)

librarian's annotations: guys help i need a song title/lyric that fits this so it can be my title

also IM GOING FERAL I THINK THE ANGST MADE ME INSANE SO THIS IS HOW I COPE can you guys tell im projecting by the way ppl fawn over him in this

bro is actually hotshot #1

right when he walks into the school he is BOMBARDED with students like theyre papparazi

hes just

tall, handsome, buff- what more could a girl want?? (there are other criteria he meets but we'll get to that later)

the picture perfect quarterback straight from a damn movie

NOT TO MENTION HES NOT SOME COCKY JERK

at first ppl were like "omg hes so hot but im not gonna go up to him cause what if hes mean???"

and then he goes up to them and hes all shy like

"excuse me? i need to get to my locker, sorry if i interrupted your conversation." and hes scratching the back of his neck and smiling awkwardly

HEART EYES

word spreads fast in hs yall already know

so when everyone finds out hes not only tall, handsome and buff but also KIND??

head over heels

and hes not exactly oblivious to it but hes not fully aware of it either

probably like "oh yea a lot of ppl talk to me idk why tho its probably cause my friends are popular"

bby you’re the most popular out of your friends don’t even

hes such a good student too

teachers love him

hes everyones golden boy fr (especially mine teehee)

usually sits in the front of the class unless his friends make him sit with them in the back

then he pulls out his glasses that he keeps in its case, even having the lil wipe thing folded neatly

cue shocked gasps

"omg you wear glasses?"

"do you need to clean them? here have my handkerchief!" ("who even are you can't you see he has one")

"those suit you so well!"

his ears turn red at the sudden burst of attention and he laughs nervously, muttering his thanks

even the teacher wasnt mad at the disruption bc who would get mad at jason?

(he got little nudges from his friends after)

you guys know that one jock whose actually a nerd x nerd trope???

i dont even know if it exists but it sounds cute anyway

thats you and jason

he had his first conversation- if you could call it that, at the library when you guys were abt to grab the same book (ugh so cliche right)

being the gentleman he was, he let you have it

to which you tried to refute but he INSISTED

"oh, y/n it's yours. i'll just get a different one."

which got you a little intimidated bc who wouldnt be intimidated by a 6'2 jock thats the talk of the town

you thanked him profusely and scampered away

wait did he just say my name? how does he even know who i am?

that probably kept you up at night

like "oh my god did i just embarrass myself in front of THE jason grace???? did i walk away weird?"

little did you know that the jason grace was awake that same night

"did i scare her?? why did she look like that when i said her name? did my voice crack? did she think i was weird cause my hand brushed against hers? oh my god my hand brushed against hers.."

started noticing you EVERYWHERE after that

like he knew you guys were in some classes tgt

but he finds that he passes by you SO many times in the hallway

and somehow spots you at a table across the library

was that your usual spot? was this his usual spot now?

like what?? his delusional never-had-a-real-gf-because-that-one-time-he-dated-his-friend-she-turned-out-to-be-a-lesbian ass thinks its fate

very much influenced by all the books he reads (NO he does not read romance he simply finds an interesting book that HAPPENS to have romance)

(and if he did, WHAT OF IT HUH??? THEY COUNT AS BIG BOY BOOKS OKAY)

i have this headcanon that he remembers the name of everyone in his classes because he was always forgettable as a kid and no one really knew his name cause he was so quiet (or he tries really hard to remember because he has this aching feeling that in another timeline he could never remember)

so he doesnt want to make others feel that way and yea

BACK TO HOW HOT HE IS

(stealing part of this from my earlier rant)

its late, hes tired, but hes back in the library to cram for his test tomorrow

so unlike him, usually hed be on top of things, but his minds been on some... other things. persons. person.

hes still sweaty and sore from football practice, having (literally) ran straight here after changing

throws his bag down (quietly of course, he's not some brute) and takes out like three different notebooks, his worn pencil case from freshman year, and his glasses

jason slides them on, pushing it up the bridge of his nose as he gets up and searches for the textbooks he needs

he knows its more comfortable and less time-consuming to just study at home, after all he already has loaner textbooks given out at the start of the school year, but something in his heart wanted him to drag his beat ass here and work

and good thing too, because he sees a familiar hand grab a book from the other side of the bookshelf

not that he just knows what your hand looks like, that'd be weird

it reveals your beautiful eyes, ones jason would love to see closer

he smiles at you from the crack in the bookshelf, murmuring a soft "hello"

you think you just saw an angel with the way the warm light crowned his head

but when you offer to help him study??? he thinks he fell in love

you were his SAVIOR

thanked you a billion times every other sentence and fumbled over his words cause hes never talked with you for this long

his ears are bright red even though the ac in the library was always to the max

also how is he wearing just a shirt

not that you minded though, it gave you a chance to ogle at the way the fabric was fighting for its life to keep him under wraps

and daydream about fantasies that shall not be named (one involving a pink bow around his bicep)

you dont know how long you were helping and how long you spent daydreaming

you hoped you werent being too obvious (it was very, very obvious but jason was too focused to notice)

it felt like mere minutes when jason looks up, a tired but accomplished look on his face

he thanks you one last time, saying he'll make it up to you

you couldnt help but feel disappointed until the fatigue from the day hits you like a bus

he offers to take you home, saying it was too dark out, and that it wouldnt be safe

god, hes such a gentleman

you take him up on the offer as you did NOT plan on dying a virgin

walks you to your door too, can he get any better???

apparently he can because after he got his scores back for his tests, he rushes to you with a bright smile and presents them like a child with their artwork

”i got a hundred! it’s all thanks to you, you’re a really great study buddy!”

of fucking course he gives the credit to you how is he so humble??

like that was alllll him you just sat there and admired the view (so real for that)

after that he practically begs you to go to his next game, saying he'll return the favor by playing extra hard for you

(can he be extra hard for me tho)

you needed no convincing because a. hes jason grace. end of question. (and b, you know his ass would look great in his uniform GOOD GOOGLY MOOGLY)

he even said he’ll treat you if your school wins (which should be the other way around, but he again, insists)

they won, to absolutely no one’s surprise

took you to a cute lil cafe where you guys got drinks and sandwiches

then he overthinks it before bed cause he didn’t make it sound like a date but he really wanted it to be but he wasn’t sure if you felt the same and-

when you guys do start dating, everyones jealous but they cant bear to hate because you guys are just so cute together (bonus if youre short cause height difference couple !!)

he tried to keep it secret cause he didnt want to get you overwhelmed with a bunch of attention, but its obvious to everyone hes extra soft with you

he thought he was being sneaky when he slowly shifted his usual seat day by day to be closer to you so it wouldnt be obvious (spoiler: it was)

you assured him you were okay with your relationship being public if he was okay with it too

of course he is how can he NOT want you by his side forever

he sees his friends give their gfs their jersey to wear to their games and is like “i so want that” but he’s too shy to ask youu

but it’s written all over his face as you catch him staring intently at the way his friend hands over his spare jersey to his girlfriend when they think no one was looking

so, being the great girlfriend you are, took it upon yourself to ask him for it

which he gave to you a blushing, stuttering mess

the next game, he was worried

where were you? you weren’t usually this late; the game was about to start and he didn’t even get a good luck kiss yet!

he knows it’s probably nothing strange, that you’re just running late, but he can’t help but worry

the whistle blows and he sighs, getting into position, but not before sneaking one last glance at the bleachers

his sky blue eyes found you instantly, and was that-?

you were wearing his jersey, practically swimming in it as you waved your arm excitedly.

he broke into a wide smile, unfortunately hidden by his helmet, and waved back at you, forgetting all about the game for a moment until his friend whacked him upside the head

he buzzed with anticipation, wanting to just hurry and finish so he could run to you and spin you in his arms

you were his driving motive as he scored touchdown after touchdown, never letting the other team bridge the gap in their points

his team wins unsurprisingly, and the first thing he does is throw down his helmet and run to you, tackling you gently

he sweeps you off your feet and kisses you as you spin, giggles muffled by his lips

hes sweaty and sticky but you couldn’t bring yourself to care, the way his smile lights up the world is all that matters

and he knows that you’re his world, and he’d do anything to make you light up

[dying4urlove]

(this “review” was originally posted on goodreads)

i wasn’t gonna write a review because i feel so much pressure to defend my point of view with evidence from the book, but then i remembered that i don’t have to do that actually and i can just talk about how i feel about the book. how freeing to reframe my writing about this book from review to meditation (the act of focusing one’s mind). that’s exactly what i did as i wrote this. it’s not a review as much as it is a stream of consciousness. i think that i will write these meditations for every book that moves me to do so. (in contrast to writing a review for every book i read. i think if i were to do that, i would quickly tire of writing about books and i never want to experience that. or i should say, i don’t wanna experience that so soon. i don’t wanna experience that EVER, but life and human nature are funny and unexpected.) so, my book meditations begin with healing through the dark emotions by miriam greenspan.

anyways, this book was a gift granted to me by the Divine when i most needed it. i believe that i’m currently in a state of transformation and this book played major parts in that. while reading this, i was constantly reaffirmed that everything i’m witnessing and experiencing is not new or individual. that the really intense feelings of disconnect and despair (because of the disconnect) i’m feeling are valid. although the version of the book that i read probably predated the influence of current social media on our lives, the relationship between humans and media (tv shows, movies, and video games) can be further applied to social media. i don’t think i’m gonna expand on what i mean by that because i want you to read the book and understand what i mean for yourself. however, i think reading this book at this point in my life was necessary because i saw the cyclical nature of life (and of human nature).

this book also gave me the tools i need to take the dark emotions i didn’t realize i was experiencing (because they were lying silently underneath the surface of my skin) and transform them into action. throughout the book, miriam greenspan not only acknowledges that the dark emotions are difficult to come to terms with, but also actively calls you to act based those emotions. to not just sit with them, but to figure out the best way to move with them. to carry the seeds of fear, despair, and grief and plant them somewhere they can grow and alchemize into something much more powerful and meaningful for yourself and others. being told to do this gently and repeatedly over several days moved me emotionally and psychologically and i’m, in turn, moving myself physically.

there was probably more that this book did for me that’s hard for me to put into words, but i’m learning that it’s okay if things are ineffable at times. all i can say is my rating of this book is just that - mine. what this book does or does not do for you depends on you. on your needs. on your desires. on your feelings. on your current state of being. take from it what you will! i know i will be carrying the words and impact of this book for years to come. i read this book as an e-book, but i’m gonna order a hard copy because it’s one of those books you have to refer back to constantly. you have to make notes in it and re-read it and annotate it because you read something at a different part of your life and something the author said makes so much more sense now. “healing through the dark emotions” is a book I believe we need now more than ever, but it is also a book that is timeless. happy reading should you choose to embark on reading this trove of wisdom!

[solitarywitchinghour]

Haven’t done any studies or readings bc life keeps happening, but anyways.

My goal is to at least start reading Agrippa’s book and finish The Black Arts and review some annotations as well. I also need to read Wen’s book (Holistic Tarot) and make annotations. There’s a lot of things I wanna/need to do but have yet to find the time, bc at the moment I studying for somethings else and can’t really prioritize my occultism studies like I wanted.

But at least I’m having a quick to actually start somewhere, which was my problem for a while.

I also have Oberon’s book to read (Grimoire for the Apprentice Wizard), tho I must be honest, I am kinda reluctant to read it... It feels like it might have some closed practices in it, but I’ll have to kinda sift through the text and make my own research to make sure I’m not using/doing something I should not (and all of the insufferable Harry Potter refences throughout the book).  What I like about the book are the little tables (tables? imma go with that w/e) about herbs and correspondences and astrology. It has some basic spells that I might try and iirc, even some recipes.

The other book I also have is The Green Witch, that it’s okay, I guess, it’s good. But even though the author said she wouldn’t focus on Wicca specificaly, she stills has some wiccan springles here and there in the text, which I overlook, since I’m not interested. ALso has some recipes that I might try someday in the near future (smth simple like and oil or a bread recipe)

I’m still not sure whether or not I want to celebrate any of the sabbats (since I’m not a Wiccan) but I’m still thinking about it. Never felt a calling, but we’ll see how it goes. I know it’s not mandatory to celebrate it, but (again) I’ve seen so many people celebrate and such that I keep coming back and forth about it. I don’t know if I can like... Celebrate only the ones I find interesting or if I shoud celebrate all of them. Again, I go back and forth with the idea.

I’m also hopping for a better place to put my altar, like a little table or smth like that, because the place it is now is not really the best, though it is doing its purpose. Maybe I’m too focused on other’s altars (all aesthetic pleasing tbh), so I think mine NEEDS to look like those to be valid (non sense, ik). My altar is good, it has my candles and my tarot decks and some other stuff, its good for what it is, but if I had a table, it would be better to work with. I have zero work space in there!

Well, that’s all I had for today. Maybe tomorrow I’ll try to read something, maybe not.

[pumpkin-padparadscha]

dreamed hatake kakashi was my literature teacher at college

[jackdaw-kraai]

Jack! I need urgent assistance!

Why the fuck is it so hard to make a realistic fictional language?!

I have literally scoured the deepest, darkest places of the internet to try and understand how to make my own fictional language that is important to story but I just don’t get it.

I have watched behind the scenes Star Trek, Game of Thrones, and Avatar to try and understand how they came up with such beautiful and articulate languages but once again, came up empty, it’s like trying to explain physics to a donkey AKA me.

Can you help me? And if you can, please explain it to me like I am a dumb toddler trying to learn how to write my name for the first time?

Oof. Now, there's many conlang guides out there, but they're all for people who actually like conlanging and I, dear reader, do not. I hate conlanging, I suck at it, and analytic grammar is a consistent foe of mine that I cannot beat. But, conlanging is one of the best ways to introduce a whole heaping helping of realism to your setting as well as getting you to really think about how said setting works as you need to figure out what would have an individual word and why. Now that'll make sense in a moment, I promise.

But first...

Jack's Quick 'n Dirty Guide To Conlangs For If You Hate Conlanging

Step One: sounds.

Sounds (ha!) easy right? Weeeeeell... yes and no. Now, the easy part is making the sounds, really. Just start babbling in a way that you want your conlang to sound like and get going! Sing a bit, put on whatever accent you want, really have some fun with it until it sounds right. You got that? Good, now note that down in plain text as best as you can. Do whatever makes sense to you, but make sure you know exactly how to pronounce the sound once you've annotated it so you can reproduce it later, trust me on this one. But now comes the hard part.

Step Two: IPA

If you don't know what IPA is, bless your heart you innocent soul, you're about to learn something that will make you lose a bit of innocence today. IPA stands for the International Phonetic Alphabet and it can annotate the exact pronunciation of any words in any language in the world. If you've ever had a dictionary in front of you and you see that little section underneath the word where it's written again but like, with upside down Es and symbols that look like æ and đ and even ɮ? Congrats, you know what IPA looks like. Now, this thing was designed by some very clever people with an eye for thoroughness but not for practicality. See, it can notate every pronunciation there is, but boy oh boy, will it not make that easy for you. Read up on it anyway, learn how to use it, pull out an afternoon for it, you're gonna need it. IPA Chart is a good website that will help you out here, it's an interactive version of the IPA alphabet with short pronunciation sound clips attached to each symbol. Done all that? Good. Now we get to the really bitchy part.

Step Three: notate every funny sound you made down in IPA

Yes, every single one. Pull up an excel spreadsheet, notate the plain text in one column, a pronunciation in the second, and leave a third open for later. Notate every single word as best as you can, and make sure to save your work. This is gonna be long work, this is gonna be tedious work, and it's gonna be necessary work. You won't like it, you won't have fun, but future you will thank you and you would do anything for that bitch so get notating until you get to

Step Four: What does anything even mean????

Finally, some fun again. Now we get to the part where you get to assign meaning to each sound you've produced. Remember how I advised you to sing a little song? Yeah? Excellent. A quick and easy way to get a bunch of words sorted is to write a roughly similar song in a language that does exist and one you preferably understand already, and use that as a "guide" of what each word is "supposed" to mean. Make your own rosetta stone! Give yourself a break, trust me, it's much easier this way. And don't be afraid to get creative. See one sound or syllable you used a lot? Great, that can be a pronoun or an article or something else that's often used in a language.

Example: I liked the word "ra" a lot, so that's the word for "I" in Karilaa. From there I picked a few other words I liked and roughly hashed out the following

Ra = I

Ta = You

Su = We

Vu = They

Easy, good, simple. I don't bother with gender because fuck gender, but if you want it, go for it champ, now's the time. And you know what else I noticed while doing this? I was using "ra" and "ta" a lot in the last syllables of words, so I figured out how tenses work in my language as well in one fell swoop and made them affixes to verbs.

Really, there are no rules, so make them up to suit whatever aesthetic you want your language to have, but make sure to write everything down. No exceptions. Everything has to be written down.

Step Five: Rinse and repeat

Congrats, you now have some basics of a language! You can basically use and reuse this recipe to get More Language of the language you already have and guess what! Now you already have some language so you won't have to start from scratch! It's like a sourdough starter! Now ain't that neat. Now, if you do this and keep meticulous notes like I told you to you'll essentially be building up your own dictionary as you go, ready to consult for all your future conlanging needs.

Now, is this how good conlangers do it? No! Hell no! Absolutely not! But I'm not a good conlanger, and if you want this guide, neither are you. I'm sorry, but I'd rather you hear it from me than them when they invoke J.R.R. Tolkien's ghost to roast you. This is a guide for people who want a conlang but suck at conlanging. This is a guide for people who can't do it all neat and according to the rules but need to brute force a bitch in order to get some practical results for immediate use.

Now go forth and create!

[blush-and-books]

here’s a lighthearted collab born of riffs with the one and only @lydias--stiles. warning: fluff. lots of it. 

enjoy!!!

---

"It's decade day!" Julie hollers as she storms into the studio, Alex gasping in delight. 

 "Oh! Do a twirl!" She twirls with a giggle. Reggie joins in, excited. 

 "Do the worm!" 

 Just as she's about to go on the floor, she falters. One, because she can't do the worm. Two, cause she's wearing a dress and no shorts underneath. Sending him an exasperated look, her gaze falls on the third boy who's remained silent all throughout. 

 This week is spirit week for the LF Arts seniors, today being Decade Day. Obviously, Julie chose to go for the nineties. Not only does she have a lot of clothes from that era in her closet, but it's a nice homage to her beloved band members. It's a simple look. A flowy, floral dress, fishnets, Dr. Martens, layered necklaces and a bit more eyeliner than usual. Her hair, for once, is allowed to be as messy as possible. 

 And Luke? He is speechless. 

 "Uh," he stammers, a smile twitching between a grimace and a full on beam. It's as if he has no clue how to act anymore. In the end, he sticks his thumb up, eyes dopey and wide. 

 Awkward, Julie focuses back on Alex and Reg. "Okay then... so? Approved? It's 90s?" 

 "Hella nineties," Reg confirms, Alex smiling at her in that knowing way. She locks eyes with him, peering. He shakes his head and hums in agreement with the bassist. 

 "You look great, Julie." She lets it go. "Thanks. Then I'm off!" Casting one more look at Luke and hiding her disappointment - why didn't he compliment her? - she leaves for school. 

 Right as she's at the garden gate, Luke poofs right in front of her. Had she not been used to it, she would've screamed. Instead, a brow quirks up. "

You look rad," he blurts. "Like, really fucking dope. Like, girls I would-" He freezes, red tinging his cheekbones and then saluting at her, disappearing once more.

--

"Girls you would what?" she asks at the end of the day, during a songwriting lull. She doesn't need to explain, a soft smile playing on his lips as he tracks her outfit again. "

Girls I'd like in high school." 

 "Oh." 

 "Yeah." His eyes avert, scribbling an annotation in his songbook. "Don't sweat it. Kinda digging the 2020 aesthetic too." 

 Her smile widens, giddy, cause Luke has a million ways to say he likes her and she loves each one of them. Instead of calling him out for it, she nods and hums and places her head on his shoulder. 

 "Let's try that bridge again."

--

A week later, they're digging through some of his clothes. Julie promised that she would slip some of it in the laundry for them even if they don't sweat -- just for the gesture of it all. 

 But as they go through garbage bags, she comes across a starchy white shirt with neon orange letters across the front: NIRVANA. 

 "Luke, did you know you had this? This one is so cool!" 

 She's too busy turning the shirt over to glance at the dark purple SUBPOP RECORDS logo on the back to notice how quiet Luke is. He's just staring at the shirt - for what reason, she doesn't know. 

 "That one was from Bobby," he explains, voice suddenly quiet. Instantly, Julie drops the shirt to her lap and tries to gauge how upsetting the reveal is to him. It strikes her with guilt. "That's probably why it's here. I wore it around here all the time and left it here when I spent the nights just as much." 

 What does she say to that? 

"I'm sorry," is all she can offer. But he still shoots her a smile. 

"Don't be. It's sick. You should keep it." 

 "But it's-" 

 "Anything that's mine is yours, Jules." He nods his head towards the bathroom in the back. "Go try it on. I wanna see it."

Swapping her crop top for the vintage tee, she admires the cool way it drapes across her body in the grimy bathroom mirror. 

The fact that Luke wore it a lot causes a thrill in her chest. Is this... him giving her his clothes? Like a boyfriend would? Or is she reading into things? 

She probably is. Don't overthink, she emphasises. 

A smile blooms on her cheeks and marches back into the studio. She stretches her arms. "What do you think? It's cute, right?!" 

 His smile softens, warmth glimmering behind the green. Slowly, he nods and walks towards her. "We don't tuck it in though," he mumbles, pulling at the fabric by her waist and letting it hang loose. "We all had to pretend we didn't care."

 Laughing, she stays in place and hopes the red on her cheekbones isn't visible.

 "Right. Looking sloppy." 

 "Looking cool," he bounces back. When he finishes the tugging, he doesn't move away either.

Even though she had done her best not to short-circuit when Luke's fingers lightly grasped the fabric at her waist and started tugging on it -- the current situation was not helping. Because now, he was just standing close, clutching onto the t-shirt like it's anchoring him to her orbit, and she's desperate to press his hands into the curve of her waist. 

 "Fine," she relents, a little breathless. "Looking cool." 

Glancing down, it's apparent how far the material hangs from her body. 

"But do I even need pants for this? Shorts, maybe, but it's more of a dress on me." 

 His eyes quickly flicker down to her jean-clad legs, but then back to her. "It's yours now. Whatever you want." 

 It doesn't take her long to dart back to the bathroom to try out the new style.

Yeah, Luke's kinda losing his shit, but he also kinda doesn't mind. 

 The shirt was nostalgic, but didn't hold any sentimental value. So sure, Julie could have it. Oranges and purples and whites looked good on her anyway.

 Every colour looked good on her. 

She's been saying she wanted some more grunge in her wardrobe too. He was doing her a favour. 

 A minor detail he forgot about was that Julie was, well, drop fucking dead gorgeous. If it looked nice on him back in 1995, it looked amazing on her now.

 The fabric was well-worn (by him - he let her wear his t-shirt. God, he really didn't think this through) and hung on her body in that effortlessly cool way. His stupid feet had to bring him closer though. Had to thumb the fabric by her waist and feel the heat of her skin as he readjusted the tee. He could almost imagine her parading down the corridor; boots pounding on the linoleum tiles, music blaring from her headphones, fingerless gloves on her hands. 

That t-shirt, loose or knotted up or bleached. She'd probably be the hottest girl in school. And then he stayed, cause of course he stayed, and let himself smile in ways that should be dangerous, and let her smile in ways that should get her in trouble. She said something about the length of the top and he replied something non-committal in return. 

 He realised his mistake a minute later when she appeared again - - - without her jeans. 

Oh. 

It was long enough as a dress. 

Oh. Fucking oh. 

 His smile stuck, though it held a nervous edge. "Looking good, Jules." 

 "Thanks," she grinned. "I think I'll wear it to school tomorrow." 

 Head rolling back to the ceiling, he withheld a sigh. Yup. Hottest girl at school.

---

tags: @bluefirewrites @willexx @unsaid-emily @pink-flame @echocharm17618 @sylphrenas @futurearchaeologyprof  @brightattheorpheum

[screamingintothevoid28]

Quotes from The Song Of Achilles I think about multiple times a day (sad edition)  ((SPOILERS))

. 'And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth, when another is gone. Do you think?'

'Perhaps' Achilles admitted (chapter 9)

. This is what it will be like, every day, without him. I felt a wild-eyed tightness in my chest, like a scream. Everyday without him." (chapter 14)

. 'How long will he live?'

She made a noise in her throat, it took me a moment to understand it was laughter

'Why? Would you prepare yourself for it? Try and stop it?'

'Yes,' I answered. 'If I can' (chapter 15)

. He stirs and the air stirs with him, bearing the musk sweet smell of his body. I think: this is what I will miss. I think: I will kill myself rather than miss it. I think: how long do we have? (chapter 15)

. "Even there beneath the bright sun my skin went cold. He will not come home at all." (chapter 16)

. "He no longer belongs to me alone" (chapter 16)

. "There I lay on the cool stone floor, and closed my eyes. I could not stop imaging how it would end-spear tip or sword point, or smashed by a chariot. The rushing, unending blood of his heart" (chapter 16)

. As for the goddesses answer, I did not care. I would have no need of her. I did not plan on living after he was gone." (chapter 16)

. "I embraced those thin, wiry limbs. I thought, this is what Achilles will feel like when he is old. And then I remembered: he will never be old." (chapter 16)

. 'My life is my reputation,' his breath sounded ragged. 'It is all I have, I will not live much longer. Memory is all I can hope for' (chapter 26)

. ' You ask a question that philosophers argue over,' Chiron had said. 'He is worth more to you perhaps. But stranger is someone else's friend and brother. So which life is more important?'

We had been silent we were 14 and these things had been too hard for us. At 28 they still felt too hard" (chapter 27)

. 'Do you see?, he says 'It is the beginning! ' I cannot escape the feeling that, below the surface, something is breaking" (chapter 28)

. It was not honour that made Meleager fight, or his friends, or victory, or revenge. It was Cleopatra before him, her face streaked with tears. Here's Phoinix's craft: Cleopatra, Patroclus. Her name built from the same pieces as mine" (chapter 28)

. I knelt and pressed his hands to my face. My cheeks flowed tears 'for me then, save them for me. I know what I'm asking of you. But I ask it. For me'

'Anything else, anything. But not this. I cannot'

I looked at the Stone of his beautiful face, and despaired

'if you love me--' (chapter 30)

. 'Bring him back to me' he told them...

There was more to say, but for once we did not say it. There would be other times for speaking, tonight, tomorrow and all the days after that. He let go of my hand" (chapter 30)

. "The last thing I think is: Achilles" (chapter 30)

. 'Do you think you were the only one who loved him? You care for him in death than in life,' Her words bitter with grief. 'How could you let him go, you knew he couldn't fight!'

Achilles Screams and shatters a serving bowl. 'Get out!'

Briseis doesn't flinch 'Kill me. It will not bring him back. He is worth ten of you. Ten! And you sent him to his death!' (chapter 31)

. "Achilles' gaze lifts to meet hers. She is a afraid but does not draw back. 'I hope Hector kills you.'

'Do you not think I do not hope the same? He asks" (chapter 31)

. “Thetis’ black eyes seem to contract, like dying stars. 'I am glad that he is dead.' she says. It is the last thing she will ever say to him” (chapter 31)

. 'And the arrow flies, straight and silent, in a curving downward arc towards Achilles' back...Achilles smiles as his face strikes the earth' (chapter 32)

. ' I have done it,' she says. At first I do not understand. But then I see the tomb, and the marks she has made out. Achilles, it reads and beside it, Patroclus.

'Go' she says 'He waits for you'

In the darkness, two shadows reaching through the hopeless, heavy dusk. Their hands meet and light spills in a flood, like a hundred golden urns pouring out the sun" (chapter 33) 

[well that was a roller coaster, I’m so sorry, it’s fine, I’m crying too. Anyway, this is part 2 of 3, if you saw the 1st part you’ll know I annotated the entire book using 3 colours 

Orange - sweet moments, Green- sad moments , Red- Iconic moments/lines 

This is green.]

[coffeesuperhero]

a brief guide to alec hardison’s AU aliases (with inevitable annotations and entirely uncalled for mockery by parker and eliot, probably)

so my @ot3tropetober​ entries required a little background setup before I could jump into posting them??....so here that is. actual AU’s tomorrow, setup today. enjoy!  -- 

01. Email from: Alec Hardison; to: Parker, Eliot Spencer

Dear people I love very much (Parker, stop rolling your eyes. Also I can hear you growling and muttering to yourself, Eliot, but I am allowed to tell you I love you at least once a month, I have that in writing. Also you're not actually mad and I know it, you have a tell and no I will not tell you what it is, because you'll stop doing it, and it's real cute), 

As y'all are aware, I work very hard to build a believable portfolio of aliases for each member of our team. Not all of us keep the team safe with our punchy hands and a taser, okay. Some of us are manly yet delicate people who focus on the more technical aspects of our security. 

Recently it has come to my attention that y'all either don't know how much work I put into this or you think it's, and I am quoting here, "weird" or "funny" or "a waste of damn time, Hardison," to build complex backstories for each of these alias scenarios as well as corresponding social media profiles. 

So I thought maybe I'd just walk you through a little bit of the creative, extremely detailed work that I do to keep us safe and, God forbid, make sure somebody can be at the hospital to hold y'all's hands the next time you a) get stabbed/shot/ribs broken/various other injuries that I cannot actually write out because I find it very upsetting even though you don’t b) jump off a building and "land funny" after a thirty-foot fall and "sprain your knee" c) absolutely have a concussion and no, I don't actually care how many times you've been hit in the head or how much medical knowledge you have acquired in the field, you are still not a doctor, Eliot!!!!

Anyway, starting tomorrow, I'm gonna send a short file to you every couple of days to illustrate the painstaking detail and research that goes into crafting these carefully constructed alternate universes that keep us all safe and our covers not blown, and I expect that you will both see them AND read them. There may or may not be a quiz. 

I know by now you've both seen this email and you're probably standing there, giving each other that look that you do, like "Oh, there goes Hardison again, complaining that we don't appreciate him, let's find something tall and push him off of it while we laugh," which by the way is not as cute as y'all seem to think it is, okay? But listen, I do this work because I love you. What can I say? Some of us make delicious food or mastermind criminal escapades with our partners because we can't always vocalize our feelings, and some of us construct elaborate backstories for our various criminal aliases so that we're all taken care of. All ways are valid. But yes, I would appreciate a little more respect for the work I do around here, work that I do, again, because I love you. 

Your boyfriend, who loves you, in case you forgot,

Alec Hardison

02. Text message thread (transcript below!) 

Transcript of texts: text thread is labeled “my people <3″

Hardison: check your email :)  Eliot: hardison we had an agreement once a MONTH there are like, 4 “i love yous” in this one email what are you doing, man??  Parker: i agree w/eliot this is ridiculous even 4 u  Eliot: thank you parker made you brownies in the kitchen on the island Parker: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! BROWNIES Hardison: y’all this is literally what I’m talking about This right here DIFFERENT LOVE LANGUAGES, people. mine is just ACTUAL LANGUAGE. love y’all. 

Eliot: still counts if you write it, hardison Parker: update i have eaten all the brownies

Hardison: already?!  Parker: :DDDDDDDDD Hardison: I didnt’ get any brownies  eliot :(  Eliot: maybe if you weren’t so busy living in your little “alternative universes” you would have  Parker: he has a point Hardison: you’re just saying that because you got brownies  Parker: Mayybe v good brownies tho best ones yet Eliot: :)  i guess this universe isn’t so bad huh too bad some of us don’t appreciate it Hardison: I appreciate this universe fine that is literally my point also it’s ALTERNATE universe. ALTERNATE. Eliot: whatever you say skyrunner Hardison: skyWALKER Parker: lmao  Hardison: why do i even bother  Parker: u love us :) Eliot: you love us  you said so like 5 times  Parker: he really did Hardison: i’m going back to my hard work on these AUs gonna make one where i get brownies, since that’s the only way i’ll get oh baby!! you left some by my computer? Eliot: you’re welcome Hardison: I love you, too :)  Eliot: dammit, hardison Parker: lol 

[odd-kid-42]

5, 10, and 15 :V

Thank you for the ask!

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true? If I ever completely outline a story, I won’t write it. Maybe it is because I feel like I’ve already written it by that point and maybe because I will become overwhelmed at the details of it all. I have an unposted, very long ASOUE/WtNV crossover fic that I lost all motivation in as soon as I started trying to keep track of ten characters each hour of the story’s day. Maybe outlining too much/getting bogged down in details is more the problem lol

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you? For whatever reason around 2014-ish, it felt like each fandom I read in had a highly kudo’ed fic where the main character died slowly and painfully of cancer. I have no idea if that was just a wider trend or what, but the work that haunts me specifically had one character mercy-kill the other and all the build up that led up to it. It landed far past sadness into repulsion and left a weird taste in my mouth about manufacturing tragedies in stories that don’t have one and then giving no comfort for the hurt. My old writing on FF.net reads like a sixteen year old wrote it, which one did, so it doesn’t haunt me.

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends? I don’t judge people who write in their own books. The logical part of me knows there are so many copies of books, and destroying a commonly found book isn’t huge. That said, I loathed English classes where we had to annotate our copies of fiction books for tropes/metaphors/context clues/etc. Loathed. I tried sticky notes on each page. I tried writing in pencil to erase later. I had a teacher directly ask what my deal was with it. I just hated it because all those little details that added up, I could mentally keep track of better than defacing the inside cover of a book by listing the pages when this metaphor appears or having a note on 'this is symbolism!'. If I was terrible at literature analysis, that would be one thing, but my timed essays were always very good while my annotations read like someone who hated writing inside a book and planned to erase it later. Because I am thinking about high school English class again: I genuinely remember my senior timed essay where we had a list of the five books we had read that semester and ninety minutes to write one essay from possible questions listed. I saw the question “Describe how beauty is used in two of the books from this semester.” I fumbled for about ten minutes trying to outline and list what I would do before giving up and zoning out to write an essay on how Nick is in love with Gatsby in The Great Gatsby based on all the symbolism in light and true names and isolation when they are alone with the presumptions dropped away. Then swiveled to Toni Morrison’s Song of Solomon to talk about how Pilate (MC’s aunt who lives in an old house and makes liquor for money) is beautiful to Milkman, the main character. I cannot recall all the metaphors and symbols that I used, but the emphasis was on how, like Nick with Gatsby, he truly saw her and saw her as beautiful, and seeing her allowed him to love himself and others in turn enough to be freed from the nickname assigned to him and his family history, hitting all the similarities between the two books about the main characters just seeing someone with love and become changed for the better. And I left the class certain I got a B- because I abandoned following an outline. I made an A instead and the teacher couldn’t understand why I was surprised after getting Bs in annotations throughout the year. Anyway, hate writing in my books but only my books because I want them in a home library one day.

Thank you again for the ask! I look forward to reading your reply for mine :)

[awanderingdeal]

Simply having a wonderful Christmas Time [Part 1]

Merry Christmas to all those folks who celebrate today! This one is dedicated to those of you of who are perhaps not spending Christmas in the way that you would like this year. I hope this brings you a little bit of Joy. Please note that this fic is filled with happy Christmas people so if that is going to make you feel worse then please avoid. I’m hoping to have a Coops instalment up for those who celebrate on the 25th and O’Knutzy on 26th for all those who have boxing day and second Christmas.

CW: CHRISTMAS AND FOOD TALK

Rating: T, there are some sexual implications but I’m pretty happy leaving this at a T. Let me know if you think that needs to change. 

And finally, to @lumosinlove. Thank you for creating the sweater weather universe and in particular the fabulous OC’s that feature in this fic. They really have been a light in the darkness of this year. 

Anyway, let’s get on with this show.

P.S. Yes, we are just ignoring the fact that hockey players most definitely do not get two weeks off at Christmas.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alex had bitched for days about spending his Christmas in the heat of Mauritius - he wasn’t supposed to be opening presents in shorts, dammit - but he’d been willing to concede that he may have been wrong from the very moment that he had stepped through the door of their beach front villa.

He was tired and groggy from the day of travel. The recycled air of the plane had made his throat scratchy; he needed a long, hot shower, and he was generally miserable. 

“Almost there now, sweetcheeks,” Natalie reassured him as the taxi rounded a corner. “You’re going to love it, I promise.” 

The villa was one that Natalie and Kasey had stayed in a few times before, boasting of it’s view and proximity to perfect waves. Right now, Alex didn’t really care about those things. As long as the villa had a comfortable bed and a large shower, he’d be satisfied. 

Natalie was right, and soon the three of them were piling out of the car, hauling bags of luggage behind them. They were only there for two weeks but somehow had five large suitcases between them. 

“I swear, I’m going to sleep for two days,” Alex grumbled as Kasey keyed in the number to obtain the keys. 

“Try and stay awake for a few more hours,” Kasey said. “You’ll feel way better tomorrow for it.”

“Yeah, yeah, jetlag, blah, try to acclimatise to local time, blah -” Alex’s rant was cut short as he stepped through the door. “Wow,” he gasped. 

The villa was gorgeous. He’d expected the large expanse of open plan luxury; a haven of polished metal and glass windows that showed panoramic views of white sand meeting a crystal clear sea. What he hadn’t expected was the giant Christmas tree, at least a few feet taller than himself, and the rest of the expertly placed decorations. 

“Do you like it?” Kasey asked. Alex saw the glance that he and Natalie shared. They were probably worried, he’d been frozen in place for the last 30 seconds. 

Alex nodded, taking a moment to find his words, “It’s incredible. Just like home. Better.”

Everywhere he looked there was something new. A wreath on the wall. Faux furs draped over the seating. A garland that snaked all the way up the spiral staircase. 

“Are those?” Alex stepped towards the stockings that hung on the wall. Each one had a name sewn into it. Natalie. Alex. Kasey.

“Yeah,” Natalie nodded. “One for each of us. Lils made those.”

Alex let himself be pulled into Kasey’s arms, feeling a bit overwhelmed. 

“We know that Christmas with your family is very important to you and we just want you to know that we are incredibly grateful that you decided to spend it with us this year,” Kasey said softly. 

“Finn already bailed anyway,” Alex gave a small laugh. He felt Natalie join them and her arms were also there, enclosing Alex between his two favourite people. 

“We told them to leave the tree. Thought we could decorate it together?” Natalie told him.

“God, I love you two.” Alex breathed. 

That had been ten days ago. Now, a cheesy Christmas movie played on the TV but Alex wasn’t paying it much attention; enjoying the memory and being curled into Kasey’s chest. His fingers played idly with Natalie’s blonde waves as she snored softly in his lap.  

It was the perfect end to a perfect day, a delicately balanced mixture of tradition and newness. Alex saw how hard his partners had worked to give him a Christmas day that rivalved those of his memories with his family and Alex couldn’t wait to thank them properly for it tomorrow. For now though, he was content to just bask in the moment.

“Al,” Kasey whispered. “Do you want to head to bed? I’m not really watching this.”

Alex looked up at Kasey, a gentle smile resting on his lips, “Yeah, bed sounds good to me.”

“Shotgun, not waking Natalie up” Kasey laughed.

“No need to wake her up. I’ll carry her,” Alex said. "Besides, she’s not that bad.”

Kasey frowned, “She bit me once.” 

“Yeah, and did you clap in her ear like you did to me that time?” Alex replied. “Because if so, then you deserved it.” 

“Not my fault you both sleep like the dead.” Kasey mumbled under his breath, switching off the TV and taking their dirty glasses to the sink. 

Natalie gave a small grumble as she was picked up, wriggling in Alex’s arms before settling herself into the crook. 

“God, she’s so cute.” Alex spoke quietly. 

“You both are.” Kasey said with a grin, pressing a kiss first to Natalie’s cheek and then Alex’s. He led them the short distance to the bedroom, pulling the thin sheets on the bed back so that Alex could lie Natalie down. 

“I’m just gonna brush my teeth,” Alex started to walk towards the en-suite but suddenly his phone was vibrating against the bedside table. The noise seemed extraordinarily loud in the quiet room. “Fuck, that’ll be Finn. Get that please, Kase?”

Kasey grabbed the phone and Alex heard a snort as he read the contact name, Fillet O’Fish. 

“Hi!” Finn’s voice boomed a few seconds before his face appeared. 

“Sssh.” Kasey hissed, rapidly hitting the down volume key. 

“Oh, hi, Blizz,” Finn said. “Don’t know why I wasn’t expecting you. You’re naked. Why are you naked? Am I interrupting something? Is Alex naked too? I don’t want to see that.” 

Alex plucked the phone from Kasey’s hand with a laugh. “He’s not naked, we’re just getting reading for bed,” Alex replied, panning the camera down and showing Kasey’s plaid pyjama pants to prove his point. 

Alex pecked Kasey on the lips, “I’m going to take this to the other room.” 

“Alright,” Kasey returned the kiss. “Merry Christmas Finn,” he added, giving the camera a wave. 

“Merry Christmas, Kase!” a chorus of replies was heard. 

Alex wandered from the bedroom, settling himself into a seat that gave a stunning view of the beach that their villa was sat on. 

“Wait, isn’t it only 9 pm there?” Finn asked. “Why are you going to bed already?” 

Before Alex could answer, Logan appeared in the frame, leaning over the back of the sofa to wrap his arms around Finn’s neck, “So nosy, Fish. Maybe they tired each other out, eh?” 

Finn’s nose wrinkled with a look of disgust, “eww.”

“Nothing like that,” Alex laughed. “Not this evening anyway,” he continued, a slight twinkle in his eyes.

“Get it, Alex,” Leo teased, flopping himself onto the sofa next to Finn. 

“Look at this view,” Alex said, turning the camera so they could see the idyllic scenery in an attempt to change the subject. It only served to trigger a memory from earlier that day, one that he probably shouldn't have been thinking about whilst on the phone with his brother. 

Alex sighed happily to himself as he looked down at the watch on his wrist. It looked out of place against his bright blue and pink flamingo shorts, but Alex had received it from Kasey earlier that morning and he refused to take it off. 

It was barely 11 am. However, it was Christmas day, so Alex didn't feel even the slightest bit guilty about the cosmopolitan balanced between his fingers, as he waited for Natalie and Kasey to come back from their surf. Alex wasn’t the biggest fan of the water, preferring to stay in the shade of the giant umbrella they had set up despite Natalie’s playful chirping. 

Alex had pointed the watch out on his and Kasey’s first date without Natalie. They'd been heading to the aquarium when Alex had spotted it in the window of the jewellers. He'd made the briefest passing comment about how beautiful it was and it made Alex's heart sing that Kasey had remembered. 

As if they knew that he was thinking about them, Alex saw the sun bronzed figures of his partners making their way towards him. They looked good; fitted wetsuits showing off their toned bodies and their faces brightened by laughter. Alex loved Kasey’s laugh, people thought it was rare but he just saved it for those that he thought truly deserved it. Apparently, Alex was one of those people now. 

“Close your mouth, O’Hara.” Natalie teased, grabbing a towel and piling her hair into it. 

“Hmm,” Finn nodded, pulling Alex from the memory too soon. “That is beautiful. I think mine has been better though.” His brother's eyes glanced back towards Logan with a smirk and Alex had a sneaking suspicion that Logan's torso wasn't the only thing that was bare. 

"Yeah, you can keep that one for yourself," Alex retorted. 

“Hey Haz! Did Kase like his present?” Leo asked. 

Alex had enjoyed getting to know his brother’s second boyfriend. He offered a stabilizing presence to Finn and Logan’s chaos and to paraphrase shrek, “he was like an onion, he had layers.” Leo had been Kasey’s secret santa and Alex hated to admit it, but he had done a great job. 

“Unfortunately yes,” Alex pretended to glare. “I suppose I have Finn to thank for helping you with that?”

Leo shook his head, “Your mom actually. She was more than willing to send many photos of baby Alex.” 

Alex barked out a laugh, “Of course she was.” He couldn’t really be mad. The three of them had spent an age flipping through the scrapbook of his childhood photos, laughing at the annotations that Leo had added in his delicate script. 

The alarm on Leo’s phone blared. “Sorry, that’s the timer for the potatoes,” the blond apologised. “I better go and check on them.”

“I can come and help.” Finn said.

Alex saw Leo visibly wince before he replied, "No thank you sweetheart. Y’all stay and talk with your brother.” 

Alex raised an eyebrow, “Do I even want to know what disasters you are causing?”

“You cannot talk, Alexander,” Logan defended. “You nearly burnt your kitchen down making toast.”

Alex didn’t have an argument to that, it was true. He hadn��t been much help with Christmas dinner either. 

“Are you sure that you don’t want me to do anything?”  Alex asked for the thousandth time. Besides setting the table, he really hadn’t done much to help with the meal and he didn’t feel great about it. 

“Yes,” Natalie insisted. “We really do not need a trip to the ER today. Just sit down and look pretty.” 

He protested a little but did as he was told. He watched Natalie and Kasey work, moving seamlessly around one another. And then Alex was standing again. He went back inside, ignoring his partner's queries. He was only going to be a moment anyway. Alex reappeared with his camera. He may not be able to cook, but he was excellent at photography. He remembered how they had found so much joy in looking at the photos of himself earlier and wanted to document their first Christmas together. Hopefully, in years to come it would bring them similar joy. 

He took photo after photo of the meal coming together. Kasey flipping the steaks on the BBQ. Natalie glazing the prawns in sauce. The private glances they shared. 

The camera was taken out of his hands and he heard the shutter snap as Natalie fed him pieces of peach. 

He beckoned the two of them over and took a few shots of the three of them together, Santa hats perched on their heads, until Natalie was cursing about something burning.

He’d go through the photos later but he doubted there would be many that he wanted to delete. 

“Earth to Alex!” Finn shouted and Alex blushed as he realised that they had been trying to get his attention for a little while.

Logan rolled his eyes, “You and Finn make the same stupid faces.”

“Oi!” Alex and Finn exclaimed together. 

“C’est Vrai,” Logan chimed.

“I’ll admit to being a hopeless romantic.” Alex shrugged. “It’s part of my charm.”

Finn snorted at that, “It’s not my fault that you and Le are so cute.”

“Agreed.” Alex nodded. “Nat and Kase should be less perfect. It’s all their fault really.”

“You’re both disgusting,” Logan groaned, but he was pressing his lips to the bare flesh on the back of Finn's neck, and Alex had known those two long enough to know exactly where that was going. 

“On that note, I am going to bed. Have a fantastic Christmas, boys.”