#and i said 'has Dan always been in the sink'

[black-and-yellow]

[rosyrosethings]

Man Eater/Siren Y/n.

Y/n is a the girl every man desires and Harry can't resist her.

Disclaimer: I feel like a lot of writers make Y/n a little insecure girl and I know everyone has insecurities. But idk about yall but I feel like the I can have any man I want(sometimes) so I really enjoyed writing this. Hope you guys like it.

Warning: smut, cheating, sub harry, dom reader

4.5k words

Harry stood by the drink table, swirling the ice in his glass as he half-listened to Dan go on about his latest project. His mind was elsewhere, drifting back to Jane, who had opted to stay behind, nursing a cold. She'd insisted he go without her, to enjoy Mitch's birthday, to relax.

But relaxing had been impossible the moment he felt it—her presence. His body had sensed Y/N before his eyes had. A wave of heat and energy swept over him, tightening his chest, and without even thinking, he glanced toward the entrance.

There she was.

The woman he thought he had moved on from, the one who could ensnare any man with just a look—Y/N. Her dark skin seemed to shimmer under the dim party lights, her long legs accentuated by a dangerously short skirt. Her hair cascaded effortlessly down her back, swaying as she moved through the room, her smile dazzling as she greeted familiar faces.

"Harry? You okay, mate?" Dan’s voice snapped him out of his trance.

Harry blinked, turning his head sharply. "What?"

Dan chuckled, following Harry's gaze. "Oh, yeah... beautiful, isn't she?" That was the effect she had on men. Sometimes Harry wished he never met her. The power she held over him was unreal. Even Dan calling her beautiful had him feeling a bit possessive   

Harry gritted his teeth, feeling his heart race as Y/N hugged and mingled with the guests. Her laugh floated through the air, and Harry swore he could feel it wrapping around him like a spell.

"Excuse me," Harry muttered to Dan before heading for the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and leaned against the sink, gripping the porcelain edges tightly. His reflection stared back at him, his jaw clenched. Get it together, Styles, he thought. Don’t let her lure you in again.

It had been months since they last saw each other, months since they last… messed around. He would text her, no response for hours even days but whenever she texted him. He would respond immediately. If she called for him he would jump.

Jane was everything stable, safe. But Y/N? She was wild, unpredictable. A siren, pulling him deeper whenever she was near.

He took a deep breath, splashing cold water on his face. He couldn't let himself get caught in her orbit again. Not tonight.

When he finally left the bathroom, the air felt charged, his skin tingling with anticipation. He weaved through the crowd, heading straight for Mitch. He needed something—anything—to distract him.

"Mitch, mate, happy birthday!" Harry exclaimed, clapping his friend on the shoulder.

"Thanks, man! Glad you made it," Mitch replied, smiling.

They chatted easily, Harry grateful for the reprieve, until—

“Happy Birthday, Mitchell!" a familiar voice cut through the conversation.

Harry froze.

He turned just in time to see Y/N wrapping her arms around Mitch in a tight hug, her voice sweet as honey. She was the only person who called him Mitchell, a nickname she'd coined ages ago. Mitch didn't seem to mind; in fact, his grin widened as he hugged her back.

"Thanks, Y/N," Mitch said with a chuckle, patting her on the back.

"I got your gift. It's over on the table," she said, pointing behind her. "Didn’t know where else to put it."

Mitch barely had time to respond before someone else called his name from across the room. "Sorry, guys," he said, excusing himself. Sending Harry a sympathetic look before walking away.

And then, it was just Harry and Y/N.

"Look who it is," Y/N said, her voice dripping with playful mischief, her eyes sparkling as she smiled at him.

Harry felt a lump form in his throat, her gaze drawing him in like it always did. She tilted her head slightly, as if daring him to speak.

But he couldn’t move. Not yet. The memories of their last night together—the heat, the tension, the way her touch lingered far longer than it should have—flooded his mind, clouding his judgment.

"Long time, no see," she said, stepping closer, her presence commanding all his attention.

Harry swallowed hard, trying to muster the willpower not to fall under her spell again. But the pull was undeniable. She was electric, like pure fire, and he, once again, was the moth drawn to her irresistible flame.

He forced a smirk, trying to seem casual despite the chaos swirling inside him. "Didn’t think I’d see you tonight. Thought you were off traveling."

She shrugged, her smile lazy and seductive, never wavering. "I was. But Mitch's birthday is special, you know? And besides… I always find my way back."

Her words lingered between them, heavy with a meaning he couldn’t ignore.

"Where’s that little girlfriend of yours?" she asked, her voice soft but pointed, her gaze locking onto his. Every time their eyes met, it was as though her power seeped into him, coiling around his thoughts. He could feel the familiar tug, the way she seemed to unravel him with just a glance.

So he looked away, pretending to scan the room.

"Jane couldn’t make it," Harry said, clearing his throat, the weight of her name like an anchor tethering him to some semblance of control. He hoped it would be enough to ground him.

Y/N’s smile faltered, but only for a fraction of a second, something darker flickering behind her eyes. She stepped closer, leaning in just enough for her voice to lower, teasing him. "Shame. I guess it’s just us, then."

His heart pounded, the sound of it deafening in his ears. He kept his eyes fixed on the crowd, avoiding her like he was running from a storm he couldn’t outrun.

"Uhh… so, how are things?" he asked, his voice dry and brittle. It was the only thing he could think to say, a flimsy attempt to steer the conversation away from dangerous waters.

"Things are okay," she replied softly, her tone suddenly casual, as if the tension between them hadn’t just spiked. "I’ve been around the world, but I think I’m staying put for a while."

There was something about the way she said it that made Harry’s stomach twist. He was about to respond when her voice dropped, the concern in it almost unnerving. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

Her question threw him off balance, her concern cutting through the haze in his mind. "Just a bit parched. I’m going to grab a drink," he muttered, stepping to the side, desperate to escape her gravitational pull.

But before he could slip away, her hand wrapped around his arm, firm but gentle. The touch was electric, sending a jolt through his body, forcing him to look at her. He met her eyes, and for a moment, he was lost all over again. Maybe a drink could help him relax.

"Can you bring me something, too?" she asked, her voice soft but commanding, her gaze locking him in place.

His breath hitched, his mind spinning. The look in her eyes was hypnotic, and no matter how much he tried to resist, he couldn’t pull away.

"Yea, I can do that." He said, his nerves getting the best of him. He made his way to Mitch kitchen. Quickly grabbing him some water to help deal with the tension he could feel building. He looked over to see look at her again. Seeing another man already talking to her. His jaw clenched it was no time wasted. It was always like this with Y/n. He could tell that the man was offering her a drink but she denied making eye contact with Harry who was already looking at her. He could see her implying that Harry was getting her a drink. Harry grabbed a glass filling his with scotch. Needing something strong to deal with this. Filling Y/n a can of lemonade. She hated the taste of alcohol. Pouring her lemonade in a cup so she gives off the appearance that she is drinking. Which is what she likes. Harry remembers every detail about her.

Harry made his way back to Y/n. Stepping beside the random man.

"Here you are love." He said with a smile handing her the drink. Adding the 'love' almost like he's claiming his territory. He knew he shouldn't be behaving this way. But he hated how attractive she was.

"Thank you Harry." She said with a smile. The guy looked between them. Taking a hint before walking away. Y/n didn't even notice too focused on her newest victim.

Y/N raised the cup to her lips, the faintest smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she took a sip. Harry stood beside her, his pulse quickening as the man who had been lingering near her quickly took the hint and left. He wasn’t sure if it was the scotch in his hand or the tension that had been simmering all night, but he felt a surge of possessiveness he couldn’t shake.

"You didn’t have to scare him off, you know," she teased, glancing up at him through her lashes, her voice smooth and low.

Harry raised an eyebrow, forcing a nonchalant smirk. "Scare him off? I didn’t say a word."

"You didn’t have to." She leaned in just slightly, her eyes locking onto his, her lips barely brushing the rim of her cup. "It’s like you claimed me in front of him, Harry. Didn’t think you’d still care that much."

His grip tightened around his glass, his mind spinning as her words hung in the air. He took a sip of his drink, letting the burn of the scotch fuel his response. "I don’t care," he lied, his voice coming out rougher than he intended. "Just didn’t want you to get stuck with some guy who’s not worth your time."

She laughed softly, the sound sending a wave of heat through him. "Is that so? And here I thought I could handle myself." Her eyes sparkled with amusement, but there was something more beneath the surface, something that felt like a challenge.

Harry felt the tension building again, the same magnetic pull between them that he had been fighting all night. He knew he should walk away, keep his distance, but there was something about her that always drew him back in.

"Maybe you can," he said, his voice softer now, his gaze flicking down to her lips. "But it doesn’t hurt to have backup, does it?"

Y/N tilted her head, studying him with a look that made his heart race. "You offering to be my backup now?" she asked, her voice dropping lower, teasing. "I remember a time when you’d jump at the chance."

Harry swallowed, trying to steady himself. "Things change."

"Do they?" She stepped closer, her body brushing against his as she whispered, "Because it feels like nothing’s changed at all."

He felt the heat of her body, the scent of her perfume filling the space between them. His breath caught in his throat, his mind racing with a thousand thoughts, none of which involved Jane or any sense of control.

"You really should stop looking at me like that," he muttered, his voice barely audible.

"Like what?" Y/N asked, feigning innocence, but her eyes betrayed her. She knew exactly what she was doing, and Harry hated how good she was at it.

"Like you know exactly what’s going on in my head," he replied, his voice thick with tension. "Because I’m trying really hard not to—"

"Not to what?" she interrupted, stepping even closer until their faces were just inches apart.

"Not to fall for your game again," he admitted, his voice hushed, almost like a confession.

Y/N smiled, her fingers lightly tracing the edge of his collar. "Who says it's a game?" she whispered, her lips dangerously close to his ear. "Maybe I just missed you."

The words sent a shiver through him, and he couldn’t stop the way his body reacted. His hand instinctively reached out, brushing against her waist, pulling her closer. He was losing the fight, and he knew it.

"I don’t believe you," Harry said, his voice low, but even as the words left his mouth, they felt weak.

She laughed softly, a sound that felt like it wrapped around him, teasing him, pulling him in deeper. "Then don’t," she whispered, her lips brushing against his jaw. "But you’ll stay anyway. You always do."

Harry closed his eyes, his mind screaming at him to stop, to pull away, but he couldn’t. The way her body fit against his, the way her breath felt warm against his skin—it was all too much.

"You’re impossible," he muttered, his voice strained, but his hands were already on her, pulling her closer.

"You love it," she teased, her eyes flicking up to meet his, a challenge dancing in their depths.

For a moment, they stood there, the tension between them crackling like electricity, neither of them willing to break the spell. It was dangerous, playing with fire like this, but Harry couldn’t resist her. He never could.

"I should walk away," he said, though his hands remained firmly on her hips.

"Then why don’t you?" Y/N whispered, her voice sultry and daring as she leaned in, her lips barely brushing his.

Harry's breath hitched, the fire between them burning hotter by the second. He knew he should walk away, but the pull was too strong. "Because you won’t let me."

Y/N smiled, her fingers tangling in his hair as she closed the distance between them, her lips grazing his in a soft, tantalizing kiss. "Exactly," she whispered against his lips, and before he could think, he was kissing her back, their bodies melting into each other like they had been waiting for this moment all night.

The kiss was slow at first, testing the waters, but it quickly deepened, the heat between them rising as all the restraint he had been clinging to shattered. Harry’s hands roamed over her back, pulling her closer as if he couldn’t get enough of her, as if he needed her to breathe.

It was everything he had been trying to resist, and now that he had her in his arms, he didn’t want to stop.

"See?" Y/N murmured against his lips, her voice breathless and full of satisfaction. "I always find my way back."

Harry’s phone buzzed in his pocket, the vibration cutting through the haze of desire that clouded his mind. He broke away from Y/N, breathless, blinking as though he’d just woken from a dream. The air between them still crackled with tension, but the sudden intrusion of reality jolted him back. He glanced down at the screen.

It was Jane.

His heart raced for a different reason now. Guilt settled in his chest as he quickly looked around the room to see if anyone had noticed. But no one was paying attention. The room hummed with casual conversation, and he realized they had tucked themselves into a corner, mostly hidden from view.

"Hold on" he muttered to Y/N, his voice low, his throat tight. He stepped away from her, feeling the weight of her gaze on his back as he moved toward the hallway just outside the bathroom.

He answered the call, forcing his voice to sound steady. "Hey, Jane."

"Hey, baby," Jane’s voice was soft, concerned. "Are you okay? I was just checking in. It’s getting late."

Harry ran a hand through his hair, his pulse still racing. He leaned against the wall, trying to gather himself. "Yeah, I’m fine," he replied, his voice calm despite the chaos swirling in his mind. "I should be home soon."

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and Harry could feel Y/N’s presence even before he saw her. She had followed him into the hallway, her steps slow and deliberate. His back stiffened, but he didn’t turn around. Not yet. He could hear Jane asking something, but his mind was already distracted.

Y/N didn’t wait for an invitation. She stepped closer, her breath warm against his neck, her fingers grazing the back of his shirt. Harry’s entire body tensed, but before he could react, her lips found his skin, pressing soft, teasing kisses along the side of his neck.

Harry’s grip tightened around the phone, his voice nearly cracking as he tried to focus. "Yeah… I’m still at Mitch’s. Just... just saying goodbye." His words were hurried, clipped, but he tried to keep them even, praying that Jane wouldn’t notice the strain in his voice.

Y/N smiled against his neck, her lips trailing lower, dangerously close to his collarbone. She wasn’t holding back now, her kisses deliberate and slow, her hand sliding around his waist, pulling him back into her orbit. It was intoxicating—the way she knew exactly how to play him, how to unravel him even in the middle of a phone call.

"Are you sure everything’s okay?" Jane asked, her voice tinged with worry. "You sound… off."

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, his breath catching in his throat as Y/N’s teeth grazed his skin, sending a jolt through him. "I’m fine," he forced out, his voice shaky. "Just… just tired. I’ll be home soon, I promise."

Y/N’s soft chuckle was barely audible, but he could feel the satisfaction radiating off her. She was pushing him, testing how far she could go. Her hand slid up his chest, and Harry had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from making a sound.

"Okay," Jane said, clearly still concerned. "I love you, Harry. Drive safe, okay?"

He swallowed hard, guilt crashing over him in waves. "I love you too," he muttered, his voice almost breaking as Y/N’s lips continued to work their way along his neck.

As soon as he hung up, he let out a shaky breath, his head spinning from the intensity of it all. Y/N pulled back slightly, her smirk visible in the dim light of the hallway.

"You’re playing a dangerous game," he whispered as he turned to face her. his voice rough, his heart pounding in his chest.

Y/N’s smile widened, her eyes gleaming with mischief. "You love it," she teased, her voice soft and seductive as she leaned in again, her lips just inches from his ear. "Besides, you didn’t stop me."

Harry’s breath hitched, his body still trembling from the closeness of her. She was right—he hadn’t stopped her. He could’ve, but he didn’t. Instead, he had let her push him further and further, crossing lines he knew he shouldn’t.

"I should go," Harry said, though the words barely held any weight. His body was still on fire from her touch, and despite everything, he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. Instead, he did the opposite. His hands slid down to her waist, gripping her tightly, pulling her closer to him, their bodies pressing together as if he needed the contact to breathe.

Y/N tilted her head, her smirk never fading, her eyes gleaming with victory. "You don’t really want that," she whispered, her hands finding their way around his neck, fingers gently brushing the nape. She pulled his face closer, their lips inches apart, her breath warm against his skin.

Her words hung in the air, thick with temptation. Harry felt like he was standing on the edge of something dangerous, teetering between falling back into the same patterns or somehow finding the strength to walk away. His mind screamed at him to stop, to go home to Jane, to salvage what was left of his control.

But Y/N’s pull was too strong. She was too close, too intoxicating.

He looked down at her, his breath shallow, the last threads of his resolve unraveling. He could see the amusement in her eyes, the way she knew exactly what she was doing to him, how she always had the upper hand.

"I hate you," he muttered, though the words held no conviction. His hands tightened around her waist, pulling her even closer until there was no space left between them. His lips hovered near hers, his body betraying everything he was trying to fight.

Y/N laughed softly, her lips grazing his ear, sending another shiver down his spine. "Mmhmm," she hummed back, her voice thick with satisfaction. She knew she had him.

And with that, Harry gave in. He kissed her again, harder this time, his lips crashing against hers as if he couldn’t get enough. There was no hesitation, no holding back, just raw, unfiltered desire. His hands gripped her waist even tighter, pulling her flush against him as they melted into the kiss, the world outside disappearing.

Harry pulled away, looking down at her. He reached behind her opening the door to the bathroom.

"Inside. Now." He said, his voice authoritative. She grabbed him by his collar pulling him in with her. Harry closed the door behind him. Kissing her immediately as she leaned against the sink. The kiss intensified behind closed doors. Harry has missed her mouth so much. She started to unbutton the shirt. Once unbuttoned her hands grazed all over her chest. Harrys lips made it way down her neck. Kissing her neck. All there movements were hungry and desperate. Her top was scoop neck no bra in sight her nipples hard harry pulled down the top revealing her small breast.his hands started pinching her nipples. Getting a small gasp from Y/n. He loved the sound of satisfaction from her. Whenever she gave him the slightest moans. It was more than enough for him.

Her hand slid his chest to the bulge in his trousers. "Ohh you're so hard already. Must have missed me?" She said with a smirk she worked the button of his pants undoing and quickly unzipping the pants before letting them fall to his feet. Once her hand grazed his dick through his briefs he felt like he was going bust right then and there. He quickly picked her up. By her ass putting her on the counter of sink. His lips found hers kissing her hungry as he grinding his bulge against her as he he kissed her. Their tongues exploring each other excessively. Her pleated skirt flipped up against his her. He let out moans. Enjoying every second of her. Grinding against the west spot between his legs. Feeling like a teenage boy who finally was able to touch a woman. He was so eager

"Take my panties off," she panted against his lips. He complied, stepping back and pulling the red lace down her legs over her red heels. leaving her skirt in place. As she took them from him, she held the soaked fabric up to his face; he buried his nose in them, inhaling deeply and savoring the scent of her arousal.

"You missed havent you?" She asked seductively , He nodded. His nose snuffed in the panties. He did miss it. Her scent was his favorite.

"Take them off." She said her hand gesturing to his gray briefs. He nodded pulling his briefs down to his ankles with his pants. He stepped closer to her. His dick grazing against her pussy. A small hiss released from his mouth. She grabbed his dick. Placing right at her entrance before he could push himself in.

"Do you want to fuck me?" She purred as his hardened tip grazed against her entrance. He nodded fervently, unable to form words with the overwhelming need coursing through him. She raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"Use your words, tired of the nods," she scolded, a hint of arousal lacing her stern tone.

"Yes, please," he pleaded desperately, earning a satisfied smirk from her.

"That's it, my good boy," she cooed, "come on baby."

With a soft sigh and an alluring smirk, she guided him inside her. Harry's eyes rolled back in bliss. He was lost in the ecstasy of Y/n's pleasure, craving nothing but the sweet release that only she could give him.

"My baby, did you miss my warm, wet pussy?" she purred, her hand caressing the back of his neck.

"Mmmhmm," he moaned in response. He grip tightened on his neck,

"Say it with your words," she demanded firmly.

"Yes, I missed it so much," he gasped, closing his eyes in pleasure. He craved this submission to her. Jane was a good partner, but Y/n ignited a fiery passion within him that he could not resist.

"Can your little girlfriend give you the same pleasure that I can?" she taunted with a knowing smirk. He didn't answer, instead thrusting faster and harder into her awaiting body.

"Answer me," she demanded, her grip tightening around his neck as she pinched his nipple with her other hand. The pain shot through him, but it only added to the pleasure.

He mumbled incoherently, desperately trying to answer her question. "She can't," he repeated, his words becoming more and more slurred as he lost himself in the moment. But Y/n just smiled, moving both of her hands to the back of his neck and pulling his forehead towards hers.

"You're such a good boy," she purred, looking deeply into his eyes as their bodies moved together in rhythm. The friction between them was electric, driving them both closer and closer to the edge. Harry could feel himself getting close, his release building within him.

"Are you gonna cum, baby?" Y/n whispered seductively, knowing exactly what effect her words would have on him.

"Yes, please," he groaned, still thrusting deeply inside her.

"Can I cum inside you?" he asked eagerly, desperation evident in his voice.

"Hmm, I don't know," Y/n teased, biting her lip playfully as she continued to move with him. She wanted to draw out this moment, make him beg for release.

"Y/n, please," he begged, his control slipping away from him.

"Tell me who your dick belongs to," she commanded with a sly smirk on her lips. And with that final push, Harry couldn't hold back any longer. He surrendered completely to her, letting out a guttural moan as he finally reached his peak.

The sound of their grunts and heavy breaths filled the room as they moved in perfect rhythm. "Fuckk! It's yours! Only yours!" he said, struggling to maintain a steady pace with his thrusts.

She smiled and whispered, "You can cum." With her lips still connected to his, she felt Harry release inside her, feeling his body shudder in defeat. He collapsed onto her, breathing heavily as he rested his head on her shoulder.

"You're always so good for me, Harry," she said lovingly, running her hand through his hair and placing a soft kiss on his ear. He didn't say anything in response, but the way he held onto her told her all she needed to know.

"Harry, you have to get back to Jane." She said, his dick still resting inside her. Harry's reality sinks back in. What he did. He pulled himself out of her quickly pulling up his pants. She could see the flustered look on his face.

”Harry.” she said placing her red lacet panties in his hand.

"Keep these for the next time I feel like playing with you," she whispered, a sly smile tugging at her lips as she handed him her panties. She casually fixed her hair and applied a fresh coat of lip gloss, her movements slow and deliberate. With one last teasing glance over her shoulder, she left the restroom, now panties-less, leaving Harry standing there, still burning with desire, his mind racing as he watched her disappear.

[c0eu4]

I know this one is a little sad but

Do you think you could write one of the drivers finding their gfs self offing note? And one of the thoughts running through his mind thinking that she was introverted but she was always happy?

DR3 | What happened?

danielricciardo x fem!depress!reader

Summary : When Daniel found your suicide note.

Warning : suicide note, depression, fluff, hurt/comfort

A/n : Here, reader is depressed. It includes everything like lack of hygiene, no motivation... Please, do not read this if it can trigger you!

MASTERLIST requests are close

Daniel jumps on you and wraps his arms around you. He attacks your face with kisses, until it takes your breath away and makes you groan in displeasure.

''c'mon babe, get up!'' He told you as he continued his kisses and moved them down to your neck.

''Mhhh Dan! Move!'' You lazily push him away, rolling him onto the other side of the bed. He rolls onto his side, raising his head as he rests his head in his hand. He uses his other hand to clear your face of the few strands of hair hiding your face, tucking them behind your ears. But you push his hand away again and put the hood of your sweater on, then sink back into the blanket, pulling it up to your nose.

Daniel sighs. He noticed that you haven't been feeling well lately. You spend all your time in the bedroom and he has to force you out of bed every morning to take you somewhere. And sometimes he even has to remind you to do simple things like eating. Last meal, he feeds you, almost shoves food into your mouth because you were 'not hungry'.

But the most odd in that, it's that you're like that just with him. Whenever you're at the race with him, with people, you're someone else. You're talkative and the first to initiate the conversation. So he thought you just weren't in good mood because of the winter.

He ends up getting up, mainly because the position he's in is hurting his arm. He opens the curtains and pulls the duvet off of you, making you react.

''Daniel!'' You shouted at him and tried to grab back the duvet but only felt the sheet of the bed. You feel arms wrap around your waist and lift you up so easily. You don't say anything and let yourself do so, while Daniel carries you to force you to stand up.

''C'mon! We said we had to sort the whole house today.'' He rummages through your closet, pulling out an old t-shirt of his and a pair of shorts, then gives them to you.

''Get ready babe, I'm not gonna do this all alone.'' He kisses you tenderly and leaves the room to give you some privacy.

He noticed that too. You both don't do things anymore. He can understand that you need space, but at this point? How long ago was the last time he saw you naked? You don't even remember.

You change lazily, and join Daniel in the kitchen. In front of your usual place on the stool, you find a slightly burnt plate of pancakes, and you can't help but smile softly. He does his best. You know that he knows.

You force yourself to eat your pancakes while Daniel is already starting to sort through the few things lying around in the kitchen. He asks you from time to time if you keep this or that thing. Once your breakfast is finished, you clear your plate and help him sort the kitchen.

Time passes and you clean every room in the house from top to bottom. You decide to finish with the room that will probably take the longest to complete, your bedroom. Daniel digs under the bed, pulling out old boxes full of different things that you didn’t unpack when you moved in. You take care of sorting the wardrobe, folding and rearranging the clothes.

Daniel digs under your side of the bed and finds a small shoebox. He sits on the bed and opens the box, while watching out of the corner of his eye that you aren't watching him do so. He hates doing that, going through your stuff. But your health is starting to worry him so much that he feels the need to do it, to reassure himself.

Inside the box, there are a few papers. He recognizes a drawing that his niece drew for you, and a smile appears on his face. There is a pearl bracelet, the one that a Daniel fan gave you two years ago. He finds a jewelry bag, it's in this bag that he gave you the necklace you wear all the time. He quickly understands that in this box, there are things that you value very much. He recognizes your diary, you write in it every evening and he never thought to look at it. He takes it in his hands and a paper falls out of it. He puts the diary down and opens the paper that was folded in half. He looks at you again, and checks that you are still focused on your task of tidying the wardrobe. He returns his attention to the piece of paper he holds in his hands. This is a text that you wrote. He reads the beginning, and the first words take the smile off his face.

‹‹I want to die.››

Simple, fast and effective.

But it hurts. It hurts more because of the fact that you write it and doesn't talk to him about it.

He doesn't read any further, not wanting to intrude too much into your life and above all, not wanting to put pressure on you.

''Babe, wha-..what is that?'' You turn around with a little smile on your face and one of his hoodies in your hands. But your smile immediately fades away when you see the paper between his hands.

''It's nothing.'' You tell him coldly, snatching the paper from his hands and putting it back in the box then sliding it under the bed. Daniel places a hand on your waist and forces you to turn towards him, despite you trying not to let him. He forces you to sit on his lap and takes you in his arms.

''Don't.. please..'' He hugs you tightly, almost taking your breath away. You feel his breath faster than usual against you and he nuzzles into your neck, running one hand up and down your back.

You wrap your arms around him and rest your cheek against his hair. His scent soothes you, as usual, even if he smells slightly of sweat. But it strangely makes you feel good.

''May I ask you.. why?'' He asks you after long minutes of silence. He continues to hold you close to him, hoping he can get you to talk.

''I...I'm feeling so.. low.'' With each word you say, your voice trembles more. Tears well up in your eyes and you can't help but let them fall down your cheeks. Daniel sits a little further in the bed and this time, he presses your head against his chest while continuing to caress your back.

''It's like.. I don't know. I'm just.. I just feel like nobody understands me.'' You keep crying softly, holding back your sobs. ''Like, whatever I want to do is so hard.. just living is hard.'' Daniel lets you open up and talk to him. It's the first time he sees you like this, sobbing and shaking in his arms.

''I understand you.'' He caress your hair. ''I've been there too. And it was you who got me out of this black hole.'' he kisses your forehead as you look up at him with eyes full of hope.

''Me?..'' You repeat, more tears falling down your face.

''You gave me love, you gave me affection, you taught me to love myself and you gave me confidence in myself again.'' He smiles at you, his own eyes now wet. ''And I'm gonna do the same. I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna give you all the love I have in me, I'm gonna show you that you are enough and I'm gonna get you out of this black hole.''

His words make you cry even more and he hugs you tightly, stroking your hair and back to calm you down.

''Everything's gonna be fine. I'm here.. I'm here..'' He kisses your forehead again, determined to get you out of this hell.

[ofthecaravel]

Heaven In Time

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3: Bleeding Hearts, Angel Voices

Danny Wagner x Sam Kiszka

Summary: The last supper. Or is it?

Tags: Religious trauma, hella guilt tripping/mentions of religious upbringing, internalized homophobia, sliiiiiight slut shaming, sibling fighting, slight sauciness

Words: 10k

A/N: As promised, here's the playlist, as well as the last chapter of this little series. Thank you all so much for being so sweet about it and I'm so happy you liked it!! Tell me all your thoughts!!! OH also, I'm aware that only Catholic priests really wear clerical collars, but I decided to include it because Josh is dramatic and would think it looks cute. Okay enjoy

~~

“This is it?”

“Yup.”

“Wow. Somewhere along the way you failed to mention that it’s absolutely gorgeous.”

“It’s practically sinking into the lake, Dan.”

Already crabby, Sam really wanted to be able to trash the house looming in front of them. But for all its ghosts and lonely corners, Sam couldn’t write off the fact that his childhood home (and Jake’s new permanent place of residence, apparently) was and had always been a sight to behold. It wasn’t particularly flashy with its modest white paneling having been frayed by weather and stained with mildew, and it certainly wasn’t modern by any means. However, with the silver maples conspiring around it and a lakeside view from the bottom of the hill it rested on, the house with all its flaws and farmhouse style charm was enough to make Danny’s eyes widen. 

“I didn’t know my parents had moved,” Sam noted softly, heart racing as he observed his brothers’ cars in the driveway and wondered where his dad’s station wagon was parked now. 

“I’m sure Jake will fill you in on everything,” Danny assured Sam as he parked next to Jake’s crappy Volvo. He cut the engine and studied Sam’s apprehensive expression out of the corner of his eye, selfishly hoping that Sam would call the whole thing off and they could drive off towards the loving embrace of Danny’s own childhood home just beyond the state border. He knew his parents and sister would absolutely adore Sam, but he wasn’t sure that Sam’s brothers would welcome him as readily.

“Okay,” Sam blurted, smacking his hands against his thighs and letting out a fast exhale. “Quick overview before we go in.”

“Right,” Danny nodded. Honestly, he could use a refresher. It was always a struggle to get Sam to talk about his family like this.

“Josh is the oldest,” Sam started, beginning his list of points by marking them on his fingers. “Technically. He’s older than Jake by, like, I don’t remember, a couple of minutes. Super friendly, loud as fuck, took up my dad’s pastoral duties after he got deep into the televangelist bullshit that I’m sure he’s still doing now. He was a natural, of course, given that there’s nothing he loves more than the sound of his own voice.”

“Harsh.”

“Dude, trust me. You’ll get what I mean. Anyways, you’ve met Jake. Sort of. He’s very…passionate, which you’ve seen. Kind of hot headed, very one track minded. He basically runs the whole ministry from the shadows, even when Dad was still pastor. Josh gives the go ahead, but Jake’s the organizer. He’s busy 24/7 and has been since they were, like, 12.”

“Doesn’t sound very sustainable,” Danny commented. Sam let out a laugh and shook his head.

“It is not,” Sam agreed bitterly. “But he likes barking orders and playing puppet master, so I guess it works for him. And, I mean, school and youth group pretty much taught us that there was no other way for us to live other than doing church shit all day every day, so I can’t say I’m surprised he turned out this way.”

“Pretty relentless, huh?”

“Yup. Especially when your dad’s running aforementioned church and giving you shit for doing anything, I don’t know, childlike? Or for just enjoying stuff?”

“Definitely explains why Jake was such a dick about your cute ‘fit,” Danny said. “Those values trickle down if you let them, I guess. I still don’t think you had to change, by the way.”

“I definitely did,” Sam muttered, looking down at the plain jeans he’d pulled from his suitcase and the thin flannel he’d buttoned over his chest after their backseat tryst. “Josh would’ve lost his shit. No way he’d go full ‘Ooh, look at me, I’m a man of God and that means I get to preach with corporal punishment’ route, but he’d sure as hell think about it if I showed up in those shorts.”

“Baby,” Danny lamented, heart sinking as he watched Sam fiddle with a button while wearing a sullen expression. “We don’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” Sam insisted, reaching for Danny’s hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “For, you know, closure.”

“Okay,” Danny relented, still hesitant but trusting in Sam to know when enough is enough.

“Okay,” Sam echoed. “Okay. Okay, let’s do this.”

Sam pulled Danny in for a quick kiss of courage, bounced once in his seat, let out a nervous sound and then threw open the door and climbed out. Danny chuckled and got out, locking up the truck and watching with adoration as Sam shuffled towards the peeling front steps. 

-

“One second!”

The voice came booming through the rattling front door after Sam had given it a timid knock to the beat of three. Almost instantly, Sam’s nerves flared with electrifying panic and he spun to face Danny.

“Actually,” Sam declared in a rushed, reedy tone. “Fuck this, let’s go.”

“What?”

Before Sam could drag Danny down the stairs and bail harder than anyone has ever bailed before, the door swung open with a melodramatic bang and then there was Josh. Danny could immediately see the startling resemblance between him and Jake, but there was something particularly unique about Josh that immediately set him apart. Danny assessed his tidy curls and the clerical collar nestled snugly at the base of his neck and knew it must be these physical differences, but he stood there puzzling nonetheless. Josh’s face was lit up with a plasticine cheer that seemed to be his resting expression, but at the sight of his deserter younger brother turning to him like a deer in the headlights, his face morphed into uncharacteristic shock. Once again, Danny stood in awkward silence as the useless mediator. This time around he had the good sense to step to the side before the situation devolved.

“Oh,” Josh said simply, his graceful hands rising to cup at the sides of Sam’s face with practiced theatrics. “Oh, praise be to God. Sammy. You’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” Sam repeated, already faltering under Josh’s fiery gaze. “Hi.”

“I can’t believe it,” Josh breathed, tears glittering in his eyes as he shook his head with wonder. “I just can’t even believe it’s really you. It is, right? Or are you some agent of the Lord sent to test my faith in His protection of you?”

“Pretty sure He’s not worried about your faith, Josh,” Sam muttered, grasping Josh’s wrists and lowering them. “I’ve been protected just fine. It’s me, I swear.”

“Thank God,” Josh blubbered, throwing his arms around Sam and pulling him into a crushing hug. Despite it all, Sam accepted it gratefully, crossing his arms behind Josh’s back and holding him just as hard. This was the reunion he’d been dreading the most, but his shame was temporarily assuaged in the comfort of his brother’s embrace.

Danny kept his silence as they hugged, but eventually Josh caught his eye and appeared to register that there was someone on the porch other than Sam for the first time.

“I’m sorry, I’m being rude,” Josh began after he let Sam go, wiping a tear with the heel of his palm and presenting his other hand to Danny. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“Danny,” Danny introduced himself, giving Josh a firm handshake and smiling nervously. Even though so few words had been exchanged, Danny had to admit that it was enough to feel that Josh’s presence could quickly become overwhelming.

“Daniel,” Josh grinned, pleased. “I assure you our home tonight will be no den of lions.”

“Of course,” Danny smiled, completely disbelieving of Josh’s sentiment. “Pretty sure that was revealed to me in one of my many visions. …That is what Daniel did in the Bible, right?”

Josh’s laugh erupted out of his chest and he clapped Danny on the arm with an approving grip. Sam shared a look of surprised amusement with Danny, whose shoulders flickered with a shrug as Josh came down from his laughing fit.

“Good man,” Josh wheezed. “Ah, that’s funny. Am I right in assuming you’re Sammy’s companion in the travels I’m sure he’s had? The travels I simply cannot wait to hear about?”

“Correct.”

“I’m happy to hear it,” Josh beamed, flashing his wide smile back on Sam. “I knew this would happen, you know. That He’d send you a guardian angel to watch over you. I prayed for it.”

“I’m truly blessed,” Sam agreed, giving Danny a private, bashful smile while Josh became temporarily distracted by propping open the door.

“That you are,” Josh professed, gesturing into the house as he crossed the threshold again. “All of us are, really. Now I don’t want to keep you waiting on this drafty old porch, please, come in, come in.”

Josh went in first, flying ahead of Danny and Sam as the door closed behind them and the house swallowed them whole. 

“Here we go,” Sam whispered, nearly inaudible. Josh guided them, humming and singing under his breath as he reached to graze his fingers against the walls of the hallway lined with crosses of all sizes and finish.

“It’s going good so far,” Danny whispered back. “He likes me.”

“Wait ‘til he finds out what kind of guardian angel you are,” Sam murmured. Danny flushed and snaked his arm behind Sam and gave him a pinch on his side, only inches away from the situationally appropriate angel wings messily inked on Sam’s lower back. 

Sam bit back a muffled squeak and smacked Danny in the arm. He was ready to send another flirty whisper his way, but when they emerged in the kitchen, Sam froze up once again at the sight of Jake stationed at the stove. Jake’s hair had been relieved of its outdated ponytail and skirted over his shoulders in messy waves, swaying with motion as he tended to a pan.

“When you said surprise guests, I was certainly not expecting a surprise like this!” Josh cried, shaking Jake by the shoulder. “You drive me nuts.”

“You drive me nuts, it seemed only fair,” Jake smiled. “I’m surprised you saw me come home acting the way I was and didn’t immediately know Sam had something to do with it.”

Sam let out an offended little exhale from his nose and Jake finally regarded him and Danny, renewed tension stretching between them all as he gave them a curt, impersonal nod.

“You really came,” Jake noted plainly, gaze lingering on Sam before turning back to the stovetop, pushing sizzling green tomatoes around the skillet.

“You invited us,” Sam reminded him, cautiously approaching and watching him work. “Enthusiastically, actually. Is this Grandma’s recipe?”

“Yup,” Jake answered flatly, still refusing eye contact as the oil snapped and leaped when he flipped the tomatoes.

“It smells divine,” Danny piped up. Jake gave him a side eye that Danny honored with a nervous, polite smile, but Jake ultimately shut him down with empty air. 

“It’s all divine in this house,” Josh followed up dreamily. 

“Well, hopefully it doesn’t taste like ‘disappointment’,” Jake muttered pettily, bringing up Sam’s words from the gas station. Sam sighed and took a step back from Jake, who filled his space by moving from the pan to open the oven, poking noisily at a covered tray. 

“Come on, Jake,” Sam groaned. “We come in peace. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”

“And I don’t want this catfish to char,” Jake countered. “Scoot.”

“I’ve scooted, thanks,” Sam frowned, taking another step back. “Why are you acting like we’re showing up uninvited? You literally asked us to come.”

“Hey, what has gotten into you two?” Josh interjected, finally absorbing his twin’s clipped tone. “We should be celebrating. And we have company, so if you could save us all the trouble of picking apart your rude semantics, that would be lovely. I mean, honestly.”

Jake let out a huff and continued working to pull dinner together, plunging the kitchen into icy silence as Sam sneered at the floor to prevent any tears from creeping up on him. Danny wanted nothing more than to hoist him up and carry him out of the house, but he watched helplessly as Josh came over to Sam and gently pulled him out of the room.  

“You two can hash it out later, okay?” Josh whispered, and Sam nodded as they crossed the threshold into the wood paneled dining room. The dining table was set with four crisp placemats, all of them centered in the middle of the table under the flowering hands of the chandelier. It was odd for Sam to see, considering he’d never known the table to be set without a placemat at the head of the table for his father. 

“Sorry,” Sam apologized, falling into old habits. “We ran into Jake at a gas station and it ended…weird. You know he can be kind of-”

“Snippy?” Josh finished for him, pulling out a bundle of cutlery from a drawer. “Righteous? Yes, he can be. Lord knows I know. He’s working on it. Been working on a lot since you left, actually. Some days I swear he out prays me.”

“When did Mom and Dad move?” Sam asked, changing the conversation while robotically accepting and laying down silverware as Josh handed it to him.

“Two months ago,” Josh replied nonchalantly. “Turns out Dad’s broadcast made its way to Nebraska and amassed a following there, so they picked up to be closer to his flock.”

“Nebraska?” Sam exclaimed, nearly dropping the bundle of forks in his hand. He swallowed the revelation with a shiver of relief and an equally strong wave of grief, no doubt felt by the lonely little boy he carried inside him. Sam realized with blank shock that there was a very good chance he would never see his parents again.

“So, what, they just up and left?”

“Yeah…”

“For Nebraska?”

 Danny walked in then, unable to withstand Jake’s angry clanging for another minute.

“What’s in Nebraska?” Danny asked innocently. 

“Our parents,” Josh explained with a weak smile. “I trust Sam’s told you about our Dad’s post preaching venture?”

“A little,” Danny lied. He’d heard plenty about what the Kiszka patriarch had been up to since retiring and passing on the torch of preacher to his oldest son: good ol’ American televangelism, complete with the incensed ramblings and an addiction to being on screen. From what he heard from Sam, this came at the cost of quality time with his family. Sam had assured him the blow was softened significantly considering they’d all been fruitlessly clamoring for his affection for their entire lives and were long accustomed to the scraps they’d been dealt.  

“I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised,” Sam laughed flatly, shooting Josh a knowing look. “Lord knows Dad has the means to afford it.”

“Oh, here we go. I don’t want to hear your conspiracy theories, Sammy,” Josh replied sternly. “I have faith that every drop of his viewer’s donations go right to the Convention.”

“Right,” Sam muttered. “Just like the college fund did.”

Josh stiffened, bright eyes suddenly cast in shadow as he set a glass down on the table. Danny’s eyebrows silently rose in curiosity. He’d never heard mention of college.

“Always the firecracker, Sammy,” Josh said with a brusque laugh, recovering with shocking speed and slipping his cheerful mask back on with ease. Sam rolled his eyes and carried on doling out glasses and napkins, but Danny found Josh’s abrupt mirth disturbing and studied him from where he leaned in the doorway. Danny had felt quite certain in his assessment of Jake when they’d met, but with Josh, he couldn’t quite pin what it was about him that kept Danny’s attention.

-

Dinner had gone off without a hitch, much to the surprise of everyone at the table. There was a bit of a rough start when a chilly direction from Jake had Danny positioned at the seat farthest from Sam, one that also conveniently faced the portrait of Jesus on the wall. But after they’d all sat down, Josh had led them in a tearful round of grace praising Sam’s safe return and then insisted on hearing every single detail of their cross country journey. Knowing that “every single detail” would send both his siblings into cardiac arrest, Sam had regaled them with only the most entertaining stories. Danny felt his heart swelling in his chest watching Sam settle into his natural element, rolling his wrists in the air and grinning like a madman as he detailed engine mishaps and eccentric motel squatters. The biggest surprise of all was Jake slowly warming up as the conversation rolled along, never contributing more than a few words at a time but eventually offering up the smallest of smiles and persistent eye contact as his little brother rambled away.

“I just can’t believe it,” Josh noted brightly at the tail end of one of Sam’s stories. “You’re so bold now, Sams. I remember when you were such a little scaredy cat too scared to get the communion wafers from the back room by yourself. Now you’re out there roughing the wilderness and pushing cows off the road.”

“Trying to push cows off the road,” Daniel corrected with a smile, remembering how hard he’d laughed watching Sam push with all his might against a cow where its herd had blocked the road somewhere in Texas. “Emphasis on trying.”

“I pushed that big one with the brown spot!” Sam argued. “You saw! He went running!”

“He felt bad for you, Sammy.”

Jake let out a snort that set them all off into their own fits of laughter, save for Sam who open mouth scoffed and mouthed threats to Danny across the table. Despite his faint indignation at Danny poking fun at him, Sam felt a great rush at the light hearted mood that had settled over the room. For a split second, he thought of a world where they could eat dinner like this on a regular basis, but he held himself back from indulging in that hope and laid it to rest in a far corner of his mind as quickly as it had risen.

Sam found it to be a wise choice when the laughter died down and Josh, completely unknowingly, killed the mood.

“Is it a hassle to find churches near motels?” Josh asked with sincere interest. “Or is it nice to settle for one day a week when you’re always driving around all willy-nilly?”

Jake let out another snort and Sam and Danny made awkward eye contact across the table.

“They don’t go to church, Josh,” Jake answered for his brother. Josh blinked and Sam bowed his head, suddenly very interested in tearing at the seedy heart of the tomato at the end of his fork.

“I suppose we can be few and far between,” Josh nodded. “I don’t think it’d hurt to peek in on a general Christian service, though. It’d do the job if the Baptist radio stations don’t reach wherever you end up.”

“They don’t want to go to church, Josh,” Jake continued. Sam kicked him under the table and Jake shot him a snotty look, raising his eyebrows haughtily as Josh turned to Sam.

“Is that true?” Josh asked, sounding a little hurt. 

“Did nobody here read the note I left?” Sam mumbled childishly, keeping his eyes down as Josh sputtered and looked between him and Danny. Danny couldn’t muster anything more than an embarrassed cough, also looking down but keeping his eyes firmly glued to Sam.

“I did, about a thousand times,” Josh insisted, shifting his entire chair to face Sam. “But I figured you’d, you know…well, maybe I don’t know.”

“I bet there’s a lot we don’t know,” Jake added, kicking back when Sam kicked him again. 

“What are you, 12? Stop it,” Josh snapped, adding his own kicking leg to the fray. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You should’ve seen what he was wearing when I saw him,” Jake said conspiratorially.

“Jake, shut up!” Sam hissed. “You’re so fucking prissy.”

“Woah, language!” Josh scolded, throwing his hands up. “Everybody take a brea-”

“He was practically naked. From where I was, I actually thought he was a girl.”

“Okay, Jake, give it a rest,” Danny snapped, anger finally giving him the courage to speak up.

“I’ll “give it a rest” when you stop necking my brother in broad daylight, how about that, Florida?” Jake snarled, tossing his fork on the table with a furious clatter and crossing his arms. Danny’s mouth clamped shut at the same time Josh’s fell open. Sam let out a strained howl, staring daggers through his brother’s skull as Jake sent them right back.

“God, Jake, you’re so, so,” Sam stammered, insults piling in his mouth. “You’re so fucking jealous!”

Jake didn’t reply, but his eyes fluttered from the sting of Sam’s words. Sam had hit a nerve with sharp precision and they both knew it.

“What on God’s green earth is Jake talking about?” Josh asked, eyes glued to Danny where he wilted in his chair. Danny drew in a breath like he was about to answer, but they all found that the silence he gave instead was just as clear as if he’d spoken. 

“Sam?” Josh asked, a little desperate. For some reason, he didn’t sound as deeply disappointed as Sam had imagined, and certainly not as mad as he’d feared. 

“I hate you,” Sam whispered across the table to Jake, ignoring his other brother searching his face for something he’d missed entirely. “I said I didn’t want to fight.”

“Are we fighting, or am I just saying things that are objectively true?” Jake countered with eerie calm. “You don’t go to church. You dress like a girl. You’re screwing a total stranger. Anything else you’d like to add? Is he paying you, perhaps?”

Sam’s chair scraped loudly as he got to his feet and sent it banging against the wall. He crumpled up his napkin and threw it in Jake’s face before storming out of the dining room, leaving behind another frustrated cry that was cut off by the metallic clang of the front door. Josh turned to Jake with his own expression of genuine anger. 

“Do you want him to leave again?” Josh growled, glaring him down before casting his eyes on Danny. “Daniel, I am so sorry. Please, forgive us.”

Jake’s face grew cloudy and sullen at Josh’s fury, clueing Danny into whose opinion he must value most in this world. He sank further in his chair when Josh breezed past him and followed Sam’s warpath out of the home, leaving Jake and Danny to sit side by side in their private rages after the door had slammed for a second time.

-

They sat there for a very long time. Danny wanted to run to Sam (he was always running to Sam, and he thought maybe he always had been) but knew that Sam needed Josh more than him. As much as he was not enjoying this trend of being left alone with Jake, he sat with the storm cloud beside him and did his best to steal glances and collect information without Jake’s knowledge. When they’d first encountered him, Jake had seemed so eager to fly Sam back home to the nest. He’d seemed almost understanding, or as understanding as someone like him could be, but it’d spun out within seconds. Danny was trying to figure out the exact moment that had turned him into a cold shouldered teenager so desperate to cut Sam down. 

 When slyly sliding his eyes to try and gauge Jake’s expression, Danny startled slightly to find that Jake’s focus had shifted from the wall to him. When he followed the low trajectory of his tired gaze, Danny saw that Jake was staring at…Danny’s scuffed cowboy boots. From the looks of it, he was tracing the stitchings in the brown leather. Lost in a daydream, maybe? Danny considered with a note of private amusement that Jake might be looking at his boots and tucking himself into a fantasy of cowboys and fast horses. Maybe that was something he and Danny both did; escaping into an idealized reality when the one at hand was too much. 

Then, with a jolt, it clicked. The way Jake had grown cruel when Sam had defended his new look and new life, no doubt shattering Jake’s pre established perception of his baby brother. Inviting him to dinner and cooking what Danny knew were some of Sam’s favorite foods, only to spoil it all with appetite stealing jabs. How he had shrank under Josh’s disappointment. How he sat now, staring at Danny’s boots like he wished they were his. 

Like he wished he could run.

“I’m sorry, Jake,” Danny blurted. Jake jerked at the sudden sound and regarded Danny with wide, confused eyes. He blinked once before his face crumpled, perplexed.

“For what?” Jake asked, all bite gone from his voice. He sounded almost friendly. He sounded a little like Sam, actually. Danny used that familiarity to gather his confidence.

“I’m sorry Sam didn’t invite you to go with him. That must’ve really hurt.”

Jake’s expression held its dumbfounded composure but Danny could see the emotion shift from confusion to something akin to being completely crushed. He barely blinked and Danny watched his eyes fill with tears.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jake hissed, his voice wobbling slightly as his lip curled in feigned disgust. “You two are going to die out there, one way or another.”

“You must be a masochist, then,” Danny accused, continuing to find his nerve. “Because I’m willing to bet that Sam wasn’t too far off when he said you were jealous. I’m really not trying to be rude, I’m just trying to understand.”

“Understand what? Why I hate your guts?”

“You don’t hate my guts, Jake. And I sure as shit don’t hate yours.”

“Could’ve fooled me. You didn’t even give me a chance.”

Ah. There was another puzzle piece clicking in place for Danny.

“That’s another thing I’m sorry about,” Danny said honestly. “I shouldn’t have shut you down like that. It’s just - and this isn’t an excuse, it’s just an explanation- it’s just that I’ve spent the past year trying to get Sam as far away from what he was running from. And, well, you’re a part of all that in one way or another. But I should’ve understood your circumstances the same way I do Sam.”

Jake was quiet for another beat, swallowing and sniffling before letting out a sigh.

“I guess I shouldn’t have shut you down like that either,” Jake admitted. “And I guess I should thank you for keeping him safe and, well, alive. It’s just so weird to see Sam like this. He’s so…”

Jake’s lip trembled in a particularly Sam fashion and his eyes drifted off into space as tears began to roll down his ruddy cheeks.

“He’s so happy,” Jake breathed, in awe. “He was right, he was never happy here. I pushed him too hard. Josh was too wrapped up in his own crises. Our parents never gave him a second glance. And now he’s so free. He got out. You two have done so much and gone so far that it just makes everything at home feel even smaller. I guess I didn’t realize until I saw him again that there was something to ‘get out’ of.”

“It’s okay,” Danny whispered, reaching out and putting a hand on Jake’s arm. “Hey, breathe, it’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Jake wailed, fully swept up in his hysteria now. “It’s not okay. This is supposed to be a place people flock to, not run from. And, shit, if it was so bad that he had to run, you’d think he’d have the decency to at least tell me and Josh. You’d think he’d ask if...”

Danny thought he’d be more distressed watching Jake completely spin out, but he was actually pretty calm. He supposed this was par for the course in a place like this. Another holy man laid to waste by a betrayal. Another brother struck down by his brother, laying still while the other wandered. In some twisted way, there was something divine here, but not in the way that any of them wanted. Danny suddenly felt even closer to Sam, and he shivered a little with the understanding and satisfaction of it despite the gaunt atmosphere over the entire estate. He kept a steady hand on Jake’s arm when he crossed his arms on the table and buried his face shamefully, the lean crest of his back shivering with an unruly sob. 

“You should go, Jake,” Danny whispered. “I mean, you should leave, too. You can’t be happy here.”

“That’s not an option for me,” Jake laughed, his face still hidden by his periwinkle sleeves. “There’s too much here for me to leave behind.”

“Josh?”

“Josh,” Jake repeated, voice wobbling. “Always gonna be Josh. As much as I’d love to have a week to myself without having to set up a million church activities or food drives or buying a trunkful of candles, I know he can’t handle the responsibility all on his own. It’s just easier if I do it so he can focus on writing sermons and doing confessions.”

“What happened to having faith in each other?”

“He doesn’t want to handle the responsibility on his own,” Jake corrected. “That’s another thing. In all honesty, I always thought if any of us were going to make it out of here, it’d be him.”

“Really?” Danny asked. From what he’d heard, Josh was more than happy with a microphone in his hand and adoring congregants standing at the ready to harmonize with his gospels. 

Jake calmed slightly, resurfacing from his arms to rest his chin and catch his breath. His round face was still flushed with emotion and Danny resisted a very genuine urge to brush his hair back from where it lay lingering on his cheeks, kept there by stray tears. 

“Josh…” Jake trailed off, his gaze finding comfort counting the slats in the blinds. “Josh struggles. I mean, we all do, but he…I don’t know. He doesn’t tell me much. I just know something keeps him convinced that he’s not worthy of being the pastor. Which is ridiculous, in my opinion.”

“Really,” Danny repeated, slightly more somber as he thought back to his first impressions of Josh and the immediate recognition whose source alluded him. It came to him in a wave, then, along with the fond ache of understanding.

“No one is more deserving,” Jake continued. “There’s no one as kind or as devoted as him. I think it’s just the church, well, the Convention, really, that has certain ideas that make him feel…unworthy, maybe. There’s an expectation he thinks he doesn’t live up to.”

“He’s..?” Danny trailed off, testing the waters cautiously in case the conclusion he’d jumped to was entirely wrong. 

“He’s my brother,” Jake said firmly, finally looking Danny head on. “And my best friend. That’s all that matters to me.”

Danny sat back in his chair, a long held breath (of relief?) escaping his chest as his understanding of Jake finally crystallized. He wasn’t really a sharp tongued, verse slinging Bible thumper with a million little hills to die on. Jake was a man who was first and foremost devoted to his family, and he was willing to forego all of his wants for their needs. He was a brother, and he feared for how the world would treat his brothers, both inside and outside his little world. And at the end of it, he’d withstand feeling forgotten if it meant they felt seen. He had never been angry, not really. Just hurt.

“You’re a good brother, Jake,” Danny insisted, flashing Jake a smile. “You and Sam should have a chat before the night is through. And I still believe you should think about leaving. Both you and Josh, actually. There’s a lot of world you’d really like to see. Obviously it’s not my place to tell you what to do, but I do think it’d help.”

“You’re probably right,” Jake agreed. “And thank you. Sorry for, you know, everything.”

“It’s no problem,” Danny said genuinely. “I’m happy to help.”

“You are, aren’t you?” Jake laughed. “I’m surprised you’ve stuck around this long, honestly. Especially since you’re not religious. But I guess if you’ve put up with Sam for a year and not jumped overboard, you must be accustomed to some nonsense.”

“I don’t ‘put up’ with him,” Danny asserted. “It’s a privilege to get to spend so much time with him.”

Jake watched him with an arched, amused eyebrow, finally straightening in his chair to smooth his hair back and settle with his arms crossed. 

“So, what, I’m gonna wind up being your brother, too?”

“I mean…in a way,” Danny laughed, heart racing. “If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind,” Jake answered, shaking his head slightly. “I figured. I mean, after he hit 21 and had no dating prospects or interest in dating at all, I assumed he was gonna forgo it completely. I just guessed he was more interested in his commitment to the church, like Josh.”

“Seems they both had their reasons to stay away from girls,” Danny noted.

“I suppose they did,” Jake said with a light laugh. “And still do. But, wow, Sam really does light up around you. I’ve never seen that with him.”

Danny smiled, blushing with warmth again as he tried to recall Sam’s expression when he was around. He’d always been smiley and wide eyed when looking at Danny, complete with pupils blown wide and overtaking the honey brown of his iris while he mapped Danny’s face. Wasn’t that how he’d been before they met? Apparently not. 

“You’ve got good intentions?” Jake interrogated, nudging Danny’s knee with his own. “You treat him right?”

“I do, I do,” Danny insisted, crossing his own arms and grinning. “I sure try. He’s easy to love.”

“You love him?”

“I…yeah, I do,” Danny affirmed, certain of his answer. “I didn’t even mean to say it like that, but, yeah. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, it’s alright,” Jake smiled, yet slightly subdued. “Just…be careful, okay? At least as long as you’re in Alabama. Especially in Shady Grove.”

“I know,” Danny said softly, a little more morose. “Sam warned me about that. Another reason he left.”

“Another reason we should go,” Jake replied reluctantly. “Right?”

“Right. Believe me, nowhere is going to be perfect, but I think you’ll like the version of Josh you’ll meet when he can be himself. I’ve loved watching Sam come out of his shell.”

“I wish I could’ve been there for that,” Jake whispered, choking up again. “He’s probably out there right now telling Josh how much he hates me.”

“Don’t say that.”

-

“I fucking hate him.”

“Sam.”

Sam had bolted the second he was out the front door, but Josh had known where to find him. Ever since Sam had been young enough to start throwing the tantrums that had made him so intolerable to their parents, he always fled to the dock at the bottom of the hill. Ever the mediator, Josh had spent his fair share of time on the rotting wood planks listening to Sam vent his frustrations as they plunged sticks and rocks into the murky water, eventually advising him with echoes of affirmations he’d heard from the mouths of older congregants. But they were adults now, and as Josh sat on the dock with Sam curled into his side, he realized with a faint panic that there were no more words to borrow but his own. 

“I do,” Sam insisted, his head resting on Josh’s shoulder as he glared out over the blurred surface of the small lake. “I really do. I’m done with him.”

“No, you’re not,” Josh sighed, throwing an arm around Sam’s shoulder and rubbing his arm. 

“Whatever,” Sam grumbled. “I want to be.”

“You don’t have any kind of hate in your soul, Sam,” Josh told him. “God takes it from you and leaves you even more kind and enduring.”

“Josh, stop,” Sam whispered, sending an embarrassed thorn right into Josh’s side. 

“Stop what?”

“The God stuff. Please. Just, not now, at least.”

“The ‘God stuff’ used to make you feel better.”

“No, it didn’t. I just didn’t say anything.”

They sat without speaking for a minute. Without their voices, the rushing rain sounds of the mayflies and the hush of the surrounding trees filled the void between them. 

“You could’ve said something,” Josh murmured. “Especially if it would’ve stopped you leaving.”

“It wouldn’t have,” Sam answered. “I’ve thought about it a lot. I think I would’ve left no matter what happened.”

“Oh,” Josh said, sounding small. “Did you know that before you left?”

“To some degree.”

“...I would’ve liked to know that, too, Sammy.”

Sam swallowed a guilty lump in his throat and sulked further against his brother. 

“Sorry,” Sam whispered. “It was selfish. It’s just…I was scared if I told you, you’d tell Jake, and then he’d tell Dad, and then you’d all hatch some master plan to keep me here.”

“I suppose that’s not an unfounded fear,” Josh admitted. “Remember when Jake had his little Sunday school girlfriend? I didn’t see him for, like, three days after Dad got wind of it.”

“Exactly. And then you would’ve written up some elaborate, guilt trippy sermon and sat me down in the kitchen and made me talk about my feelings for 2 hours minimum.”

Josh laughed a little, drawing a knee to his chest against a cool breeze that rolled off the lake.

“I’m pretty predictable, huh? Goodness.”

“And that wouldn’t have worked because if I talked about my feelings…”

“What?”

“...”

“What, you wouldn’t want to hear my feelings about the whole thing?”

“Well, yeah, but it’s too late for that now. And that’s not-”

“I haven’t even told you how I felt,” Josh pointed out. 

“I know how you felt,” Sam murmured, tears searing his waterline again. “Maybe it’s you and Jake with your creepy twin telepathy, but I felt you both the whole time, even all the way out in California. It’s horrible. Some days I couldn’t even enjoy myself because I could feel the disappointment two thousand miles away.”

Josh felt tears of his own threatening to spill over hearing that. It had never occurred to him that a lifetime of observing at the sidelines would’ve made Sam so accurately attuned to his family’s emotional patterns.

“Sammy,” Josh exhaled. “It pains me to listen to this. You don’t have to feel so guilty about everything.”

“Neither do you.”

Josh bristled slightly, lifting his cheek from Sam’s hair and looking down at him.

“What do you mean?” Josh asked gently. 

“I know you didn’t want to be pastor.” 

“Well, I love it now.”

Sam pulled away from Josh and crossed his legs under him, staring out over the water before staring Josh in the eye with a look so sincere and cutting that it made Josh lean back slightly.

“It’s okay if you don’t, you know,” Sam said evenly. “It’s okay if you’re upset.”

“What do I have to be upset about?” Josh teased, pushing Sam’s bony shoulder. “I live in this beautiful little town and get to spend my days with its beautiful little people talking about what I love. Plus I just got my baby brother back. I’d be a fool to complain.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Josh, cut it out,” Sam snapped, grief fizzling into frustration. “You sound like Dad at his worst. Why can’t you just drop the act for 2 seconds and admit you hate it here?”

Josh’s eyebrows flew up and he let out a reflexive laugh, anxiety coloring his tone as it fluttered cautiously out of him. Sam looked at him pleadingly, grabbing his brother's hand and gripping it tight.

“I know you didn’t want to be pastor,” Sam repeated firmly. “I know you wanted to go to college. And I…I know you’re gay.”

Josh immediately froze, falling silent as Sam stared into his eyes and what felt like his soul. 

“And that’s great,” Sam continued on, a tear escaping his eye and rolling down his cheek. “It can feel amazing if you’d just let yourself feel anything. Trust me, I know. You’re not trapped here, dude. You can still go to school and be yourself and be happy. You just have to put yourself first for the first time in your fucking life.” 

Josh, struck dumb, couldn’t do anything but breathe as his heart burned in his chest and pushed up hot tears that blurred his vision of his brother. His brother, who was undressing his façade with effortless impatience that made Josh begin to wonder just how transparent he truly was. Or was it only Sam, who was part of him in so many ways, that could see how blind Josh was? When he spoke in dizzying circles of hell and damnation, were his congregants shaking their heads in pity with the knowledge that all Josh was really doing was scaring himself back into submission?

“If you’re really okay with how your life is turning out, tell me now and we can never talk about it again,” Sam promised. “I swear to God. I will leave it alone.”

Josh hesitated further, pulling his hand from Sam’s and letting out a slow breath. Looking down at the cloudy water swaying underneath them, he wondered how big of an inhale of it would take for him to sink right to the bottom. 

“You’re right,” Josh confessed, his voice as soft and as uncertain as Sam had ever heard him. “I didn’t want any of this. It’s too much pressure. And the more I read the Bible and listen to the sermons from out in Texas and Georgia…the more I lose faith in what I’m supposed to be telling people.”

“Yeah,” Sam whispered, finding respite in Josh’s honesty. “I never really believed we were all born sinners.”

“I still kind of do,” Josh admitted. “But now I’m thinking there’s no amount of trying that’ll change that. I do all of this praying and writing and confession but I’m still…”

“It’s not sin, Josh. How you feel, how we both feel. There’s nothing to be saved from when it comes to that,” Sam insisted with quiet urging. “Seriously.”

“Maybe,” Josh whispered, picking at the skin around his nails as a dark coil of shame slithered in his stomach. “It just isn’t natur-”

“It’s like this,” Sam started, trying to put something into terms that would get through to him. “God is everyone and everything. Maybe that’s something I still agree with. And when you stop dedicating yourself to trying to get him to pay attention to you, you start to see Him or whatever “He” really is everywhere. You realize that you’re honoring Him by honoring yourself and doing what feels right to you. I don’t know if that’s something we’ll get rewarded for in heaven, but the reward of it on Earth is enough for me.”

“‘Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it’,” Josh recited with a nod. “Hebrews.”

“Sure. Yeah, actually, yeah. What I’m trying to say is you should live for yourself, Josh, not God or Dad or anyone. And if you still want God, you’ll find that without even trying.”

“Did you find Him with Danny?” Josh asked quietly. “In Texas?”

Sam blinked in surprise. He’d never thought about it like that, but…

“I guess I did,” Sam breathed, a smile drifting onto his face as he thought fondly of Danny. “At the start, at least. Now it’s all just him, no capital H.”

Everything was Danny to him, in complete honesty. Even though Sam only half believed the whole speech he was giving to Josh, he couldn’t deny the divinity he felt in the presence of his boyfriend. His best friend.

“I want that,” Josh murmured. His throat closed with emotion as he forced the words out, but it felt good to say. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d expressed wanting out loud, and based on the look on Sam’s face, he realized it may have never happened before.

“Go get it,” Sam said fiercely, his grin growing wildly when Josh’s eyes lit up a little at his encouragement. “You wanna come to Florida with us? We can find you a nice, alligator hunting boy.”

“Slow down, slow down,” Josh laughed, holding up his palms in surrender. “One step at a time.”

“Just Florida, then. We’ll ask Danny.”

As if summoned, there grew the sound of hushed voices and the sound of shoes on the wooden steps down to the deck, bodies hidden by the trees and the dark. Eventually they emerged, Jake hopping down from the last step that had been laid too high, bending at the knee from the impact as long legged Danny casually stepped down beside him. Sam and Josh turned to face them, leaning back on their hands and giving little waves. Without any words, they all knew the night’s battle had blown over, and Sam reached for Jake as he sat down between him and Josh. Jake received him with a hug, both of them bent into each other awkwardly as they murmured brief apologies to the other. Josh, unable to stay out of anything ever, leaned into their embrace and struggled to wrap his arms around both of them. Danny laughed as he settled next to Sam, their knees bumping as Sam attempted to wiggle out from the hold Josh had joyfully trapped them in.

“I’m just so grateful,” Josh wailed with phony passion. “I love my family!”

“You’d hug Mom and Dad like this?” Jake asked incredulously.

“...I love my brothers!”

All 4 of them laughed again as Josh finally released them, immediately proceeding to chastise Jake in a low voice as he fiddled with the frizz his hair had accumulated. Sam teetered backwards and landed with his back to Danny’s chest. Danny took advantage of the twins getting distracted and planted a kiss on top of Sam’s hair, letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment at the consolation of Sam back in his arms after the whirlwind day they’d had.

“All good?” Danny whispered in Sam’s ear, smiling when Sam nodded and tilted his head to grin up at him.

“You?” Sam asked, humming when Danny mimicked his own nod back to him.

“Jake said we can stay the night in your old bedroom,” Danny informed him, repeating what Jake had said in the conversation on their way out of the house. “But he won’t make us breakfast.”

“Fuckin’ liar, he will,” Sam laughed, reaching a hand up and lovingly stroking Danny’s cheek as he utilized his other hand to smack Jake’s thigh. “What’s this about no breakfast? You want me to burn the place down trying to make toast?”

“I’m just not babying you anymore is all,” Jake announced, smacking Sam right back. “Danny agrees it’ll be good for our relationship.”

“Traitor,” Sam complained, smacking Danny on the cheek and squealing when Danny scoffed and smacked him back. Jake let out a brash cackle and Josh a defeated groan.

“You’re like the Three Stooges,” Josh whined. “Also, coming from you, Sam? That’s a bold accusation.”

“Wow!”

“Look who’s finally growing some balls,” Jake continued to cackle, hooking his elbow around Josh’s neck and pulling him into a side hug. 

“The state of my balls are none of your concern,” Josh muttered, which made Sam and Jake let out identical barks of laughter. The three of them got whipped up into a frenzy of bickering and Danny watched with a grin and a bloom of warmth flowering in his chest at the sight. There was something being healed here, he thought, and he could almost see the misguided little boys they’d once been as they tussled and giggled on the groaning dock.

It was strange to think how differently he had felt just a few hours ago. With Sam in Danny’s life, it seemed like things changing at the drop of a hat was something that Danny was going to grow well accustomed to as long as he was around. After that night, even with Sam squirming out of his grasp to try and push his brothers into the lake, Danny knew with complete certainty that he wanted Sam to stick around forever. It was time he told him that.

-

“How was your shower?”

“Arctic.”

Danny laughed and opened up the wing of the sheets and comforters to welcome in Sam, who came rolling in with his hair still wet. He was clad in linen pajamas from his teenage years that fell slightly too short on his wrists and ankles, while Danny lay under the blankets in only his boxers and socks. Even though Sam’s skin and hair was freezing cold from the shower and dampened his own skin, Danny pulled Sam against him and struggled with the blankets to bundle them together as best as he could. 

“There, now we’re a proper burrito,” Danny smiled, kissing the tip of Sam’s nose.

“I’ve never had a burrito,” Sam whispered in a hushed, secretive voice. Danny gasped.

“You’re joking.”

“I’m not!”

“Well, that's okay, we'll remedy that. Plus, they’re not half as good as this,” Danny mumbled, using his grip on Sam’s back to pull him further into his bare chest and tuck Sam’s head into the crook of his neck. “Was the water really that cold?”

“Sub-zero,” Sam promised with a shiver. “Those assholes hogged all the hot water, I bet. Typical.” 

“I’ll warm you up plenty,” Danny purred, sliding his hand up Sam’s shirt and tracing his fingers along his cool skin with featherlight touch. Sam shivered again and giggled, nuzzling deeper into Danny’s neck.

“Not in my childhood bed you won’t, pervert,” Sam murmured against Danny’s skin, which seemed to be radiating great waves of heat like he were a human furnace. 

Said childhood bed had been a source of poorly hidden smiles from Danny, who finally admitted through a smothered laugh that the entire room looked like his grandma’s room back in Florida. No doubt done up and never redecorated for the daughter his mother had been expecting and never received, the wallpaper was pale, flowery and hung with silver crosses. Picture frames held stitched psalms that sat cheerfully on the vanity facing the bed. The double bed barely fit the both of them and, as Sam admitted through laughs of his own, the sheets and comforters that surrounded them now did, at one time, belong to his granny. When they’d first walked in, Sam had felt the loving ache of being remembered upon finding that the bed had been made and the room had been tidied for his return.

“How about some sleep, then?” Danny offered. “We’ve had a long day.”

“No kidding,” Sam quietly agreed. “I’m glad what happened did happen, shockingly enough. I really thought it was going to be a trainwreck. I should’ve had more faith in them, I guess.”

“You’ve got just the right amount of faith,” Danny hummed, eyes drifting open and shut as he grew sleepy from the perfume of Sam’s shampoo and his natural sweetness. “I’m really proud of you, baby. I know that was a lot for you. You’re a tough cookie.”

“I’m your tough cookie,” Sam murmured, tickling Danny’s neck with his nose and planting a lingering kiss on the pulse thrumming violently under his lips. Danny let out a breathy groan and gently dug his fingers into Sam’s back as Sam mapped a sleepy path of kisses along Danny’s neck.

“Easy, cookie,” Danny raggedly chuckled, smoothing his palm up and down Sam’s back as he fought in vain to stave off the growing pressure in his boxers. “I thought being in this bed was a no go.”

“It is,” Sam doubled down, lips dragging against Danny’s skin as he whispered. “Just saying thank you real quick.”

“You and your fuckin’ ‘thank you’’s,” Danny smiled, eyelids fluttering fully shut as he tilted his head back and gave Sam more area to cover. “This is like that first night all over again.”

“I was so embarrassed,” Sam giggled, his breath fanning out in warm bursts over the thin layer of saliva cooling on Danny’s skin. “I thought I’d gone and fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Sweetheart,” Danny cooed, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“No, I’m not,” Sam refused, pressing his cheek into the hollow of Danny’s collarbone.

“Yes, you absolutely are, my little California love.”

“Even after today?” Sam asked, sounding more uncertain than he wanted to. “I can’t think of a single other person on Earth who could’ve sat through all of that bullshit and still liked me at the end of it. Like, I really can’t apologize enough. Especially for Jake’s crazy ass.”

“Especially after today,” Danny insisted. Sam lifted his head from Danny’s chest and looked up at him with an unconvinced sneer, their noses brushing as Danny raked his fingers through Sam’s damp waves and searched for the fortitude to say what he felt. These were the moments where Danny felt it the strongest; Sam burrowed into him with his eyes as wide and wondering as the day they’d met. This was what love was to him.

“Sam,” Danny whispered sincerely, voice low and breathless. “If it meant I got to keep you by my side for 10 extra minutes, I’d live today over and over again. Do you understand? There is nothing you could put me through that I wouldn’t stick around for. Not when I’m this ridiculously in love with you.”

Sam’s already wide eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets at that, pupils expanding slowly as a nervous smile wound its way onto his flushed face. Danny smiled at him, feeling a flush of his own beginning to heat his body from his heart outwards. 

“You’re what?” Sam asked, leaning back slightly to look at Danny properly. 

“You heard me,” Danny teased, pinching the rosy apple of Sam’s cheek. “What do you think about that?”

“I think you’re crazy,” Sam laughed, shimmying in their cocoon of blankets and limbs to readjust his arms to wrap around Danny’s neck. “And may have been dropped on your head as a baby.”

“How did you know that?”

“It’s the only rational explanation as to why you’d go and say that,” Sam flouted breezily. 

“Is it really so hard to believe?” Danny asked, making a pitiful face that made Sam’s heart flutter. “You make it very easy to be in love with you, as a matter of fact. I don’t have to try at all.”

“I love you,” Sam murmured, in awe. It’s not like he was stupid, he knew Danny had to have loved him for them to have gotten as far as they had, but it still felt entirely unexpected to actually hear it. After a year of being startled awake by Sam’s sleep talking, patiently listening to stories of the worst of Sam’s childhood punishments, even sleeping sitting up in a jail cell in New Mexico when Sam’s newfound chutzpah found purchase with a rowdy biker, there was Danny at the end of it all. Patiently awaiting what fresh hell Sam would drag him into next. 

“I love you, too,” Danny assured him. “But are you in love with me?”

“Fucking obviously,” Sam blurted. “I'm so in love with you, Danny, fuck. I didn’t realize I even had to clarify that.”

“Of course you did! How else would I know?” Danny laughed, eyes glittering with glee and relief at Sam’s confirmation.

“I thought I had made myself plenty clear when I followed you across the country with zero hesitation. Twice.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“Also, I mean, you popped my cherry, so.”

“You weren’t gonna give that up for just anyone, huh?” Danny laughed, his freckled nose crinkling. 

“Nope,” Sam smiled flirtatiously. “I was saving it for truuue looove.”

“Is that what this is?” Danny asked softly, his smile paling with uncertainty as he searched Sam’s dark eyes. 

“I hope so,” Sam breathed, his heart racing just as fast as it did when he was still learning to look at Danny without feeling faint. “Do you think it is?”

“I do,” Danny said sincerely, cupping Sam’s jaw. “Let’s say it is and go from there.”

“Works for me,” Sam agreed, nervously tilting his chin forward and melting from the inside out when Danny met him with a fiery kiss.

Sam was no stranger to the possessive pressure Danny preferred to apply when kissing, but there was something fierce behind this kiss that left Sam feeling utterly and completely loved. Lying in the same bed just over a year ago, Sam recalled how he’d bundle the blankets into a wall to press his back against as he slept, pretending it was someone to keep him steady and wake him in the morning. He thought of how that was something he didn’t need to dream about anymore. He thought of how lucky he was. How blessed.

“I’m starting to think Josh may have been right,” Sam sighed against Danny’s mouth, now tucked under him with Danny’s loose curls tickling his cheeks. “I think you’re my guardian angel.”

“You’re the angel here,” Danny insisted, thinking of Sam’s tattoo and feeling his thighs tighten unconsciously on either side of Sam’s hips. “Never gonna let anyone clip your wings ever again.”

“I’m serious,” Sam whined, twining his fingers in Danny’s hair and pulling him closer. “You’re the real deal.”

“Maybe Josh did get one thing right tonight.”

“Speaking of Josh…how do you feel about another passenger on our way to Florida?”

“He’s going to have to share the backseat with Jake if that’s the new plan, ‘cause I’m pretty sure I convinced Jake to pack up too.”

“Family road trip,” Sam sang. “I hope your parents don’t mind.”

“No, they’ll love a full house,” Danny answered. “And my sister will love peer pressuring them into doing stupid shit.”

“I can’t wait to see them drunk for the first time,” Sam confessed with a laugh. “They’ll be fucking ridiculous.”

“I don’t know if you’ll want to see them like that if they’re anything like you were the first time you got drunk,” Danny teased, nipping at Sam’s earlobe. “I’ve still never heard you talk like you did that night.”

“Stop that,” Sam giggled, muffling a squeak when Danny kissed the sensitive skin under his ear. “I don’t even remember half of that night.”

“Your brain is protecting your dignity,” Danny joked, his voice low and warm against the shell of Sam’s ear. “You were kind of a slut.”

“Yeah?” Sam asked weakly, panting slightly from so little. Danny tended to do that to him.

“Oh, yeah. Big time. You cried when I wouldn’t put it in.”

Sam immediately slapped a hand over Danny’s mouth and shushed him theatrically, attempting to smother him when Danny laughed hysterically and tried to lick and bite at his fingers.

“What if they heard you!” Sam hissed, his wrists now pinned beside him as Danny held him down with visible triumph.

“Then I’ll apologize!” Danny laughed, jostling as Sam tried to wrench himself out from under him. “You’re the one making the mattress squeak all suspiciously. This is a Christian household, Sam, I mean really.”

“Shut up!”

“You shut up!”

“I hate you,” Sam declared quietly, sharp eyes trained up at Danny with a glimmer of mischief dancing at his waterline. Danny smiled fondly and lowered himself so their chests were pressed together. He cocked his head, looking Sam over with his hazel eyes lush with emotion.

“And I will love you ‘til the day I die, Sam Kiszka,” Danny announced, pressing his lips to Sam’s with careful appreciation and keeping them there for the hours that followed. 

In the morning, they’d clamor and argue and shed tears before pulling out of Shady Grove with a body in every seat of Danny’s beat up little truck. They’d follow the fate line to Florida to settle and heal and wander from the path like they always did. But that night, they had nothing to do but lay under the blanket of the whistling Alabama sky and love each other.

They’d find in the years and decades that followed, it never got much more complicated than that.

~~

Taglist: @holdingup-fallingsky @milojames16 @spark-my-nature @bladenotblaze @currentlyfangirling10

[q-gorgeous]

I've Always Wanted a Puppy

fanfiction

ao3

word count: 1332

Post AGIT. Waking up in the body of a clone was the last thing Phantom expected after being offered a second chance. But now he's finding that being half human again, and a teenager at that, is full of unexpected struggles and joys. @dp-marvel94

more words hooray

He’d always wanted a puppy. 

That was all he could think about as he laid in bed in his room. 

He’d been forced back into a teenager's body to go through puberty a third time and to think about every bad thing he’d ever done. He didn’t know why Clockwork thought he deserved another chance. 

He also didn’t understand why Vlad was the one who needed to take care of him. Why did Dan need anyone to take care of him? It’s not like he was mentally a teenager, no matter how much he looked like one now. He could take care of himself. It didn’t matter that he forgot that he needed to eat food or drink water again. Or that he should be showering. Or that he wanted to lay in bed all day.

He could take care of himself. 

Vlad kept trying to do things to cheer him up too. He’d take him to an arcade and when that didn’t work he took him to a cheese tasting. Vlad knew the separate halves when they merged but he didn’t understand who Dan had become. He was treating him like he was just the halves of two people merged together. He hadn’t been that for ten years. 

A knock sounded at his door. 

“Dan?” Vlad called. He could hear Vlad shuffle awkwardly outside his door. 

“What do you want?” Dan shouted back, turning over to his other side, facing away from the door. 

“I know you don’t like visitors, but there’s someone here to see you.”

“Tell Danny to go away.” Dan ground out. “I’m not in the mood for him to play therapist. He’s been taking too many pages from Jazz.” 

“That’s not who we have out here.” Vlad said.

Dan’s brow furrowed. Who else could be here to visit him? It couldn’t have been his parents. Or, Danny’s parents. They didn’t remember anything about him or Danny. Could it be Sam or Tucker? They never really came to visit him without Danny. He seemed to always be getting his hopes up though. 

“Who is it?” Dan called back.

“Can we come in?”

Dan paused for a moment. “Sure. I guess.”

He heard the door creak open behind him. Vlad didn’t say anything but he could feel the bed sink under some weight by his feet. 

Then he felt it.

The quick falling walk of four little feet making their way up to his head. Dan turned his head just in time to see a little black and white puppy get all up in his face. It licked all over his face, his nose, his cheeks, even inside his ear. He tried to contain his smile out of spite. He didn’t want Vlad to witness him having any emotions, but a small smile finally crept over his face. 

“Where did you get a puppy from, old man?”

“Oh, I just happened to be passing by a humane society with Danny. He’d never been able to get his own dog but he thought maybe having a little buddy would be helpful for you. Jazz has recently taken to explaining to him the benefits of having an emotional support animal.” 

“Danny picked this puppy out for me?” Dan asked, staring at the small puppy. 

“He had a little help from me.” Vlad said. “But yes. We picked him out for you. What will you name him?” 

“I get to name him?” Dan asked. He’d never had to name something before. 

“Yes. He’s yours.” Vlad smiled at him. 

What name could he give? What name would fit him? He didn’t know. How did he know if he’d pick the right name? 

Dan spent a few moments thinking, waiting for it to come to him. 

“I think I’ll name him shadow.” Dan said. 

Vlad nodded. “A good name.”

Vlad stood up and gestured for Dan to follow him. “Let’s go to the pet store and pick some stuff out for him. He’ll need some toys and a bed.”

Dan scratched Shadow behind the ear and watched as he leaned into his hand. After a moment he sat up and got out of bed, taking Shadow with him. 

“Can we take him with us?” Dan asked as he caught up with Vlad. “Maybe he can pick out his own toys that way.”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” Vlad said as he walked with his arms held behind his back. “That way we can get an idea of what he likes at the store instead of buying something he might not like and bringing it home.” 

Dan nodded. He followed Vlad to the living room and Vlad picked up a collar and leash. They got Shadow all suited up and ready to go and then they were out the door. 

The ride to the pet store was quick and when they got there, Dan made a beeline towards the dog toys, Shadow walking close behind him on the floor. 

“How many toys can we get?” Dan called over his shoulder.

“As many as he wants. We’ve got the funds for it.”

Dan rolled his eyes. Yeah, of course they did. He was a millionaire. 

They went through the toy aisles and Dan tried many different toys with Shadow. He found out that Shadow didn’t like the rope tug a war toys but he did like playing tug a war with other toys. He liked chasing after balls but he didn’t seem big on certain chewy toys. Dan found one last crinkly toy that Shadow went crazy for and threw it in Vlad’s arms with the rest of them.

Vlad dropped one and Dan looked up at him.

“I’ll go get a cart.” He shot a thumb over his shoulder.

“I think that’d be a splendid idea.” Vlad said as he juggled the toys, instead settling on setting them on the shelf for the time being. “I’ll take Shadow’s leash until you come back.”

“Okay.” Dan passed Vlad the leash and headed towards the front where the carts were. He turned out of the aisle and ran straight into someone. 

“Watch where you’re going Fen-dweeb.” 

Dan scrunched his face up at the impact. That voice was familiar. He hadn’t heard it in such a long time he was shocked that he remembered the sound. He opened his eyes and looked up. It was Dash Baxter.

“Uh. I’m not Fenton.” Dan frowned at him.

“Oh yeah?” Dash leaned down and mocked him. “And I’m Albert Einstein.”

“No, really. I’m, uh, Danny’s cousin. Yeah. Dan. Dan Masters.”

Dash squinted at him, studying him hard. “Why do you look so much like him? It’s like that bug and cat show.”

“What?” Dan shot him a confused look but Dash just shrugged and walked away. 

“Probably still a dweeb, though.”

Dan’s eyebrows drew down and he could feel his eyes glowing a vivid red. He was about to call an ecto-blast to his fists when a hand landed on his shoulder.

He turned and looked up sharply just to find Vlad staring at him.

“Getting into fights with other teenagers, are we?” He asked disapprovingly.

“No.” Dan said, crossing his arms. “Not yet anyways.”

Shadow yipped at him, standing up on his hind legs with his front paw resting on Dan’s leg.

He smiled. “I’ll go get that cart.”

Together they piled their toys into the cart and went to pick out a bed for Shadow. He seemed to like the biggest bed best. Vlad tried to say maybe a smaller bed would be better because Shadow would not grow up to be a big dog. But Dan wanted to give this little puppy anything he wanted.

They got the big bed. 

After getting some food, they packed everything into the car and headed home.

That night, Dan played with Shadow until he tuckered him out. Shadow crawled on top of Dan on the couch and curled up on his chest. Dan petted him until he too fell asleep. 

[buskingalbatross]

what's the one sink you can't ship? (things to do when you have come home for the day, showered, eaten, and fallen into disrepair: analyze danandphilcrafts - slime (2024) and the context of its coming to be)

or, basically, because let's be real: this is where I extol the de facto vintage princes of the internet, who have cultivated and continue to cultivate a form of video-making and community-building that is utterly novel, radiant, and defiant.

*:･ﾟ✧

one of the best things the internet has ever done is given the coolest insanest introverts the chance to be loud and be loved. to have the chance to catalogue their lives in intimate (yet distant) association with other like-minded people, and to express themselves and their perspective on the world. for Dan and Phil, what it's led to, its culmination, has been the creation of an empowered queer subculture that is deeply invested in the concept of queer devotion—the complex forms it can take, its numinous inexpressible sacredness—and that is actively, through knowing and experience of that devotion's existence, in rebellion against the extractive, unkind, unfeeling, oft-oppressive society that reigns as normative.

the experience in the world of Dan and Phil, in contrast to many experiences had in the "real" world, has always been one that's felt intensely emotional, rebellious, existential, free, full of kindness, and full of laughter and love. at the heart of dnp's community, the string tying us together, is the massive mythology and plethora of lore of dan and phil's history beginning at the point where it converged because they met. as well as the idea of two people who are as close as two humans can get to each other. the beauty inherent in that.

the relationship Dan and Phil share has for many years been the axis around which their channels, their tours, and other projects have rotated. their being able to chronicle that relationship through the internet, through youtube, and for that relationship to be, in hindsight, purely, amazingly, and even unapologetically queer from the very start, is something profoundly meaningful and artistic in and of itself.

I find it intensely amusing and, frankly, compelling, that while the phandom has become self-aware of the ridiculousness inherent in yelling about two human beings having even momentary physical contact, we cannot stop ourselves from doing it. because it feels powerful and magical and terribly unshackling. touching has become symbolic. symbolic of an amalgam of the best things about what it means to follow Dan and Phil: to be free and connected and queer, openly, and to trust in each other to be there for one other in a world that is often in opposition to people like us.

Dan and Phil holding hands for their audience to see in DanAndPhilCRAFTS - Slime in front of baphomet has to do with all the things so many wonderful people have said it has to do with: acceptance and actualization of queerness, an image of queer power, allying oneself with the other to showcase alignment against cisheteronormative society, a representation of dysfunctional, obsessive, hedonistic, codependent queer love.

And it also has to do with freedom, defiance, happiness, and confidence. It has to do with making something only legible to a niche audience of people that Dan and Phil care a great deal about, because it is fun and exciting and insanely cool. It is about embracing and celebrating the magic that flows, the creativity that flows, between two incredible queer human beings.

Sometimes I think that at least a small part of the reason We're All Doomed exists is because of the way dark things stand out on a light background. The horrors seem stark, more overwhelmingly apparent, when bumped up against great love. Injustice and catastrophe are sometimes more startling and distressing when you are privileged enough to live outside of those things, when what you return home to at the end of the day is comfort, safety, and love. In a similar way, the themes of devotion and love are often heightened in horror narratives. In this sense, Slime is also one ideal medium for sharing a story that is especially impactful to the phandom, one about Dan and Phil's relationship to each other and their community and the ongoing story of their creative lives on YouTube. The themes of love and trust stand out because of the horror, and are heightened further by the intentionality of the storyline and the control Dan and Phil exert over the plot.

what's the one sink you cannot ship? a line from Phil just after Dan says, during their slime crafting, that creativity is nothing without friendship. An inverted paradox of a line. A mystery to be solved, a thread not to be untethered, a parody of itself, a hint to a history. All belonging to all of us, all part of us.

tldr: no one is doing it like them

[thissortofsorcery]

You thought I wasn't going to do anything for HarringroveWeek... Well, so did I! But then this bug bit me in the ass and I couldn't resist. This is the first chapter of that Modern!AU prompt I posted a few days ago, but it can be read as a stand-alone. Good luck to all of us.

I mix-and-matched a couple prompts for chapter one:

SURPRISE: Steve Harrington’s Closet During His Spring Break Party Cake Slice: Can of Pringles That’s Not Frosting: For the Very First Time

Rating: E Wordcount: 5.8k

Just to Keep The World at Bay

Post game parties are always something else. 

They all start out the same: someone from the team invites a few others over, someone else's older sibling scores them a couple beers, soon enough half the school has taken over a schmuck's house and there's a keg in the backyard if they're lucky. 

Tonight's schmuck happens to be Harrington.

It's the first party Billy's seen at his house since he moved to Hawkins in October, but it's been even longer since he's had any friends to invite over for so much as a tea party, according to Tommy. 

It was the start of the basketball season, and the Hawkins Tigers were off to a good start. Couldn't not be, with Billy on the team. He'd scored half the points on that board, even if he'd just joined last month, and the team slammed back into the locker room hollering Billy's name and salivating for a party. Tommy's parents were home, though, and so were Jack's, and Tina's. And no way they were going to throw a party at Billy's house, even if Neil wasn’t home.

The locker room went silent then, and everyone looked at Harrington. They all knew his house was always free. 

And wasn't that just like high school bullshit, throw you out one second and pick you back up when you're useful again? The team started buttering Harrington up right then, cajoling him, but it looked like there was no swaying him. Until Billy opened his mouth, that is.

"What, Harrington?" Billy said, buttoning up his shirt in front of his locker. "You scared you don't have it in you to throw a party anymore? Gonna watch Supergirl and go to bed at nine?"

Harrington stared at him for almost a minute with the same look he wore that night at the Byers house, that half-narrowed one that looked like he was coming out to play, before he said,

"Fine," with his voice tight, like his chest was coiled, like he wanted to spring on Billy. Billy wanted him to. "Nine. You dipshits find the keg."

Billy couldn't resist clapping him on the shoulder and saying,

“Maybe you got some fire in you after all, Harrington,” before following them out.

He was playing with fire, after the last time he said that exact sentence, but Billy was anything but cautious. 

He was curious to see what kind of party this was going to be, what with Harrington being removed from the popular crowd for so long. 

You wouldn't know that, looking at him now. Harrington looks good in a white t-shirt and jeans, beer in hand and bouncing to the music booming in the living room. His hair is everywhere, and there's a faint layer of sweat covering his skin, making him glow in the low light of the party, shirt sticking to his skin. Billy wants to lick him all over.

A girl comes over to hang on Harrington's arm, and he turns to dance with her, smiling wide and ducking down to talk in her ear, and Billy turns away. He'd been staring too long anyway. He knows better than that.

He makes his way to the kitchen, passes people making out in the hallway, sees Dan the Man over by the punch bowl yammering on to another player about pure fuel or whatever the fuck, and grabs another beer out of the ice packed sink. Pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket when it buzzes.

It's from Maxine. 

neil passed out in the living room

He texts a thumbs up back and deletes both their messages from his phone. He'll have to sneak in through his window, now, and be more sober than he planned on being so he doesn't make any noise. Fucking wonderful.

His phone buzzes again.

ur welcome asshole

Billy just deletes the text and pockets the phone, moving out of the kitchen and back to where the noise is louder.

He downs half his beer before he's back in the living room, inserting himself into the crowd of dancing people. Billy doesn't spot Harrington again, and he tells himself he isn't looking. He lets himself go to the feeling of bodies pressing against his, lets the music make his ears thrum, gets his arms around a pretty girl or two.

Tommy finds him and drags him to the keg a while later, and Billy breaks his own record at forty-four seconds, relishing in the feeling of his lungs burning and begging for air, of the blood rushing to his head, imagines he's wiped out under a wave and is going to find his way above the water any second now.

Billy gets down hollering, spitting out beer, just like the first time, and Tommy's got an arm over his shoulder, yelling and filming them on his phone. 

Billy gets his face close to the phone screen and licks the camera, yelling, "Fuck you, Hawkins!" 

"Gross, Hargrove," Tommy wipes the screen on his shirt, but doesn't let go of Billy.

"I better not find that shit going viral."

"Relax, old man," Tommy says, dragging him over to a cooler of beers next to the sliding glass doors. "I'm not an idiot, my account's private."

Billy grunts, not entirely satisfied. Tommy may get away with posting drunk shit online all the time, but Billy sure as hell won't. His dad doesn't use social media, but Susan is on Facebook for her sewing club and some MLM shit she almost got caught up in back in California. He might snatch Tommy's phone later and delete it.

The beers are icy cold, at least, in goddamn December in Indiana. The backyard is full of people despite the cold, the same music from the living room playing outside. Figures Harrington would have fancy outdoor speakers to match his fancy pool, Billy thinks.

Someone else is trying to do a keg stand and failing, with a crowd of people filming them, and there are people dancing out on the patio and on the grass, either drinking or smoking or both. Some are just sat around talking, and Billy frowns when he spots Carol sitting on a pool chair and chatting with Harrington, of all people.

"What's going on over there?" Billy points to them with his beer.

Read more on AO3

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Slow Burn Under 50k Masterlist

24 Hours (ao3) - Art3misPlayerOne

Summary: Living a life in the public eye is hard, but it becomes almost impossible when you have to pretend you aren't in love. There gets to be a point when friendship, secret glances, and fantasizing just aren't enough anymore. So what do you do when your secret accidentally comes out and you realize the object of your love has been hiding a few things of their own?

(and I spent all night) stuck on the puzzle (ao3) - carltzmann

Summary: It's Phil's first week of his final year of university, so really, he should be used to it by now. He should be able to behave normally when the cute guy down the hall is stepping out of the shower at the same time he's entering the bathroom.

Evidently not.

Class of 1953 (ao3) - shutup_turd

Summary: It's the year 1950, and Phil is making a fresh start during his first term at the University of Oxford. He's found genuine friends, he's doing well in his studies, and he can finally be his authentic self...but there's one thing missing.

On a starry evening he stumbles upon a group of actors rehearsing Shakespeare in a sumptuous candlelit chapel. It's breathtaking sight... but it's not the scenary catching Phil's eye - instead it's a charming man with curly hair whose eyes seem to burn even brighter than the candles.

Come Closer - manchestereyes

Summary: It’s the 19th of October, 2009. This is Phil’s story.

Craving Control (ao3) - starwatersong

Summary: Phil is intrigued by the hypnotist at the YouTuber Summit in 2016 and finds himself oddly fascinated by hypnotism. Is Dan helping him find one for a video for Phil’s benefit… or Dan’s? Some timeline mixing where Phil’s fortune telling video takes place in an earlier time. They’re living in London apartment #1 in this story.

First to Listen (To Anything I Said) (ao3) - SylvesterLester

Summary: It's 2004, and Dan Howell is screwing up in school. He can't help that he's stuck in boring classes with boring people and just doesn't care. So when Phil Lester, one of the geekiest kids in school, is assigned to be his tutor, he's expecting this to just be another crappy part of his already crappy life.

But when it turns out Phil might be Dan's first real friend, his hormones threaten to screw all that up. Because that's all it is, right? Hormones?

Float On (ao3) - Art3misPlayerOne

Summary: One boy, an all-night coffee shop, a curious ability, and a stranger.

Dan is an average boy with a job and a penchant for drawing anime until one day he wakes up and finds that everything has gone incredibly wrong. All around him, people suddenly have words floating above their heads. Being able to see the messages make him feel like he's going mad, but trying to find out their meaning sinks him into a deep unyielding depression.

Determined to not live a life of isolation despite the floating words, he starts venturing out at night to the 24-hour coffee shop across the street. Here, he runs into a stranger who just may hold the key to getting his life back.

I Dare You to Love Me (ao3) - starrywrite

Summary: Dan owns a popular flower shop and has more of a passion for flowers than he does for people. That is, until Phil stumbles into his shop - and consequently into his life as the two develop a fast friendship and Dan finds himself all but infatuated with him. But there’s a problem: Phil’s engaged and Dan is the florist for his wedding. And even more complications arise when Phil begins questioning everything he’s ever known about love - and himself - when he realizes that the path to true love isn’t always… straight.

If You Must Mourn, Don't Do It Alone (ao3) - INeverHadMyInternetPhase

Summary: Phil is a Masters' student just starting at a new uni, and while he should be concerned with getting to grips with his new course, he finds himself more and more caught up with getting to know his quiet, brown-haired housemate who has a habit of disappearing.

I Have My Freedom (but I don't have much time) (ao3) sierraadeux

Summary: Phil just wants to get away. To clear his mind of everything and reconnect with a long-lost passion. A certain horse and the rancher who comes to his aid have other ideas though - filling Phil's mind, and his sketchbook, with brown eyes and charcoal dotted freckles.

He only has the summer. And he's not here to make friends, human or equine.

It is Our Choices (ao3) - Furud, kittoblin

Summary: Royal Magic AU Where Dan is prince of England and Phil is the Auror in charge of protecting him.

Jump a Lil Higher (ao3) - snsk

Summary: Dan co-hosts The Breakfast Show. Phil's his new producer. They fall in love, assisted by a bunch of romcom tropes I refuse to apologise for.

Kiss From a Rose (ao3) - Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)

Summary: Phil is a hawker trading from town to town and looking for an adventure, but when he is caught out in a storm, a beautiful stranger becomes his only hope.

Light in the Dark (ao3) - yiffandquiff

Summary: Phil is the RA (Resident Advisor) for his local college where he manages the residents on the floor of his dorm building. But his junior year in college is about to take a turn when one of his residents, who’s named Dan, is blind. Soon, Phil develops a friendship with Dan as he soon discovers that they were meant for much more than just a platonic relationship. He just hopes that his Alpha abilities won’t scare away the timid Omega.

Missing Pieces (ao3) - amczingphil

Summary: When an accident occurs in the middle of filming a new video for the gaming channel, Dan finds himself becoming more reliant on Phil than he was comfortable with. Unfortunately, Dan needs the help and can't push Phil away, but he can feel the situation beginning to dredge up feelings that Dan had pushed away years ago and buried deep within himself.

Pretty Tough (ao3) - indanandphil

Summary: Phil’s a special agent and he accidentally gets Dan involved in a gang murder case, so they work together to try to solve it.

Some Other Light (ao3) - jestbee

Summary: Dan works the night shift because it’s easier to exist in the dark

Sparks of Light (ao3) - JudeAraya

Summary: In a world where some people had magic and some didn’t, Dan had always felt at odds. A boy whose magic was broken. The least gifted in his family. Dan’s only ability--being able to see auras--had done nothing but bring him pain, because in each aura Dan read, all he could see were the most depressing human emotions.

At twenty three, Dan was settled in London, resigned to a lonely life as a barista in a shared flat with no prospects and little hope, just trying to get by.

Until one day, he met a boy on the tube whose aura was so brilliant; so full of color and light, it changed everything.

The Canary (ao3) - galaxy_ash

Summary: Dan is a famous singer called The Capricious Canary, but known as The Canary by his fans and the public. Phil is a paparazzo who hates his job and is assigned to stalk Dan to get insider pictures.

The River (ao3) - Portia331

Summary: Dan arrived in Melbourne two weeks ago with just one suitcase crammed with running gear, psychology textbooks, and a mere fraction of his wardrobe especially curated to fit both his aesthetic and the Melbourne weather.

He's about to start in the role of a lifetime on a 12 month contract, but he's barely ready for the Australian summer heat, let alone what the world is about to throw at him.

[aceofwhump]

Howdy, Ace! I hope you're well. Do you have any fic recs for panic attacks? I'm not fussed about the fandom really. Thank you so much!

Oh my god I love panic attack fics so much. I've read sooooo many of them. Okay here are some of my favorites:

(9-1-1 Fox) you never said i wouldn't go through it (just that i wouldn't be alone) by jcp_sob_rjl_lmep Summary: Buck woke up abruptly, staring at the ceiling, hands already clutching his chest. His heart pounded and his lungs heaved for air. What was it that Coma Hen had told him? That maybe his panic attack hadn’t been a panic attack at all, but his real body going through something? Buck was pretty sure this one was a real panic attack. aka, Buck wakes up from a nightmare and needs to know Bobby is alive.

(Ted Lasso) Bird by Bird by ExuberantOcean Summary: The stress of Nate's betrayal and the press over his mental health causes Ted to have a panic attack while with the Diamond Dogs. They help him through it.

(Cursed) Scents and Sensibility by SuperLizard Summary: Chapter one: panic attack, vomiting

(9-1-1 Lone Star) Backfire by annaslibrary Summary: Tumblr prompt: Hey could you maybe write something where T.K. has a panic attack at the station and no one can calm him down but Carlos and his dad please.

(Graceland) Panic by petersnotkingyet Summary: Bates wakes up in the middle of the night and finds Mike having a panic attack. Bromance ensues

(Hawaii Five-0) hold me tight (or not at all) by icoulddothisallday Summary: Danny has panic attacks. Steve finds out

(MCU Tony Stark) Hydrophobia by Majinie Summary: Tony is fine with water. Really, truly, honestly. He can drink, bathe, shower, everything. There is no problem. He's fine. Tony is fine and Clint is an asshole. Or, how Clint triggers a panic attack in front of the whole team and tries to pick up the pieces afterwards.

(Lucifer) Deal by hearmerory Summary: Chloe didn't spend five years being best friends with the Devil just to let him go back to Hell. But recovery? Relationships? These are not things Lucifer has ever found easy. In the weeks after Lucifer's return from Hell, he and the humans, angels and demons who surround him find out how long, hard and traumatic those roads can be.

(Lucifer) Se Permaneço ou Me Desfaço by RushAndTomatoJuice Summary: When she'd suggested a trip to her mom's cabin for Christmas, Chloe hadn't expected the snow to undo the Devil.

(Lucifer) Take Me To Church by SilverWolf7 Sumary: Lucifer finds out the meaning of the word 'trigger' when on a short errand with Dan. He does not like it, or his reactions, at all.

(Lucifer) now i wake up by your side by JuliaRose12 Summary: “Sweetheart,” Chloe continues as she slowly drops to her knees in front of him. “Lucifer, you’re hyperventilating.” She reaches forward and lays a hand over his thigh. It takes everything in Lucifer not to push her away. Maybe the conversations they seem to keep having, about how Chloe feels safer with him than with anyone she’s ever known, about how she isn’t afraid to face danger if it means keeping her family safe, are starting to sink in. Lucifer looks up at the exact moment that Trixie steps towards him, and it’s like waking from the nightmare all over again. or, Lucifer has a nightmare that triggers his fear that Chloe and Trixie aren't safe around him. Like always, Chloe brings him back.

(9-1-1 Fox) The Future is Brighter than any Flashback by SilvertonguedClotpole Summary: "No dramatics" Bobby had made them promise- this would be a perfectly happy and fun BBQ that the entire crew was in desperate need of- and so, of course, something had to go and happen, right?! How could a simple handmade 'gift from the heart' from Chris end with Buck spiraling in Bobby's arms in the middle of Athena's back yard? With memories and insecurities that he had hidden away drowning him like the tsunami had tried to and the weight of losing Chris, and nearly Maddie, and Eddie finally taking its toll.

(9-1-1 Fox) Swimming Against the Tide by Scribbles97 Summary: The 118 get a call to a water park. Everything is fine until someone turns on the wave pool. The wave pool that Buck is still in.

(Downton Abbey) Same Sad You by angryessays Summary: "Thomas discovers that leaving service and moving to sunny California doesn’t cure his latent depression. He feels increasingly worse, thinking he’s letting Guy down or that he misled Guy. Guy is super patient and helps Thomas get back on his feet." (angryessays)

(Leverage) but don't you shake alone by tragicallynerdy Summary: Trapped in a collapsed building, an injured Eliot and panicking Hardison do what they can to keep each other alive, safe, and whole.

(Bridgerton) Don't let it show by LemonSquash Summary: The moment after Anthony Bridgerton heroically carries Kate back to the manor after her accident falling off the horse. Where Anthony Bridgerton runs out of the room, but this time Benedict follows him.

(MCU Loki) did you see the fear in my heart? by unintentionallyangsty Summary: During their first winter on Midgard, Thor drags Loki into a nearby town to, following Bruce's suggestion, see how the Midgardians decorate for the holidays.  Loki is less than thrilled by the development (and by the idea of celebrating a Midgardian holiday, in the first place), and things reach a breaking point when he finds himself in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by strangers.  All but one, that is. 

(MCU Loki) looking in their eyes (when they're down); by unintentionallyangsty Summary: Mobius makes a small error in judgement, and Loki encounters an unanticipated trigger as a result. (Or; Loki needs more comfort than he is willing to admit, following a particularly difficult field mission, and Mobius is more than willing to assist).

(Lucifer) F Is For Falling by SK_Kasai Summary: "Never fear asking a question, urchin." He said after a while of uncomfortable silence, awkwardly clasping her hand in his ridiculously larger one, "Never to me, especially." "But what if I make you sad?" She asked, brow furrowing, "I really don't want you to get sad, Lucifer. You're already sad enough." "Sad?!!" He repeated, scoffing, "The devil doesn't get sad, urchin. Really, now, where do you even get these outlandish ideas?" She regarded him, unamused, still trying to decide if she should ask that question of hers. "I won't be sad." He sighed, curiousity burning, urging him to know what the bloody question had to be, "I give you my word." She sighed again, before closing her eyes and nodding. "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Lucifer went for a laugh, the horrible pick-up line version of her question flashing in the back of his mind. But he failed. Tremendously.

(Shazam Billy Batson) little and broken (but still good) by MashpotatoeQueen Summary: Billy Batson finds himself alone in a crowd after losing Rosa in the quickly moving bustle, and everything is fine, really, really. It's fine. Except that it's not. It's not, because there's a little voice in his brain that goes, 'Oh no, not again,' even though that's perfectly irrational and obviously not the case here. Obviously. (He maybe sort of panics. Just a little.)

(The Witcher) an incessant burning 1derspark Summary: “Jaskier,” Geralt prompted after a while. “Can you look at me?” He shook his head and hoped that his mumbled "no" would be heard. Geralt sighed but didn’t try to move him. His hand was running a comforting trail up and down Jaskier’s back. Eventually, he spoke again. “Yen, she told me some things, but I didn’t realize…” He trailed off, and Jaskier could hear him swallow. A click of guilt in the throat. He reached over to Jaskier’s arm. When he didn’t startle or protest Geralt took his arm. He rubbed a gentle finger over the wax burn. It was a barely-there thing, nothing to get all riled up about. But even having his arm exposed made Jaskier want to crawl into a hole. (Or Jaskier’s newfound aversion to fire, and the comfort he deserves.)

(Downton Abbey) And suddenly there was a new door… MemberOfTheFates Summary: Post movie: A series of fortunate unfortunate events leads to Mr. Bates’ early retirement and Lord Grantham being in dire need of a new valet, at the same time at which Richard has to quit his job in London. Thomas really needs help realizing that he is and ever will be an important part of Downton Abbey. Fortunately, there are many people who want to see him happy and who will go to great lengths to achieve that. Will the Downton staff and family accept who he really is, when it is right in front of their eyes? And will the constant risk, his relationship brings endanger everything he fought for? OR the one where each and every person in Downton Abbey learns how much it takes to care about Thomas Barrow.

[2braincellslz]

Who?

Ship : Eddie Brock x venom

Desc: Eddie trys to explain how his and Venoms relationship is. How it works. So on and so on

Warning: confusion but not homophobia

Eddie had been dreading this day. Whether it be for better or worse, he still pushed it back as far as he could. Whenever Venom would bring it up it would always be a ¨later¨ or ¨im busy¨ or ¨not now¨

Eddie.

¨ Jesus, Venom. You scared the crap out of me.¨

You are nervous.

¨Yeah, well, it's not every day you tell your ex girlfriend that you are dating your parasite.¨

Parasite?

Eddie just rolled his eyes, pulling out the tray of tater tots from the toaster oven. Venom formed off of Eddie's shoulder to devour the tots. Eddie knew Venom would be right back to asking questions after he was done eating but the quiet was nice.

Anne was coming over soon, Dan was with her. Eddie had cleaned up the apartment the day before, not really wanting to hear Anne scold him for letting Venom destroy the place. 

Eddie was sitting on the couch, feet up on the coffee table.

There is no need to be worried, Eddie.

¨i mean, there's a little bit of a need.¨

Venom forms one Eddies shoulder again.

¨she will not judge us.¨

¨she might.¨

¨you are being dumb, eddie.¨

¨wow, that makes me feel so much better.¨

¨is that sarcasm?¨

¨yes. Its sarcasm.¨

Venom made a humming sound like he was pleased with himself before sinking away. Eddie loved Venom, that's why he was putting up with all of this, but sometimes Venom could be a little much for Eddie. Especially times like this when Eddie was moments away from a panic attack. 

Eddie had to prepare himself, metaly. He had a feeling that Dan would accept it as is. As long as it keeps Eddie happy and healthy. Seems like it should be Dans catchphrase. He also had a feeling Anne wouldnt understand. He had a feeling she would scold him like some kind of child. She had done it before. But he also felt like she knew it was coming. After the whole ordeal with the spaceship and Venom leaving Eddie, he found out that it was Venom's idea to kiss Eddie. Who knows.

Honestly, Eddie felt a little guilty. ´a little´, he felt really guilty. Not only for what he has done, with anne´s job, but also for the fact that Anne and Dan feel like they have to take care of and check on eddie. Sure, he wasn't mentally great, but it should be his ex-fiance and ex-fiance´ s now fiance's problem. 

Anne and Dan would go out of their way to make sure Eddie and Venom were ok. Dan would do weekly check ups to make sure Eddie's body was working ok with Venom. Anne would stop by every once in a while to make sure Eddie had enough food and wasn't living in a pigsty. Sometimes, they would invite Eddie out to a really fancy restaurant. Most of the time Eddie would deny, not wanting to be a burden, but the one time he did go he had a great time. Now, Eddie didn't know much about break ups with finances but he did know a lot about girlfriends. Usually they wouldn't talk to Eddie. Usually they would distance themselves. Usually, they wouldn't check on Eddie to make sure his mental health isn't destroying him from the inside out. But, usually, Eddie didn't have an alien in him and had to deal with a whole corrupted organization with an Ex. 

Eddie had started pacing back and forth in his apartment by the door. Anne and Dan would be there any second. What ifs´ filled his brain as he chewed on his thumb nail.

Eddie jumped at the tapping at the door. There was no going back now.

They are here, Eddie. 

¨i know, Venom.¨

Eddie pulled open the door to be met with the pair that he had been dreading to see sense that morning. 

¨Eddie! You look great.¨ Anne smiled, kinda awkwardly.

¨oh, that you. I've been trying the skin care you told me about.¨

No, you haven't.

Eddie internally rolled his eyes.

¨ May we come in?¨ Dan asked with his usually happy smile.

¨yes yes, please.¨

Dan and Anne walked in. Anne shed his coat and placed it on a hook.

¨You said that you had something to talk about? Is everything alright?Anne asked, following Eddie to the old couch and sitting down next to Dan with Eddie sitting in the single arm chair. 

¨Yes, everything is fine. Its about Venom.¨ eddie began to figest, messing with one of the beads on his bracelet. 

¨Venom? Did he run off again?¨ Dan asked this time, his tone filled with a doctor like worry. 

¨No, we are sticking with Eddie.¨ eddie smiled slightly, feeling a little more clamed out not that he wasnt as alone as he was a few minutes ago.

¨so, what did you want to talk about?¨ annes eyebrows were furrowed together.

¨um… well, me and Venom are uh…¨ jesus, how could he say this? What words could he maybe scrape together so this wouldnt be as weird. 

¨Me and Eddie are now boyfrieds¨ 

¨yeah…¨ Eddie agreed.

Dan, like Eddie thought, didnt really have any extreme reaction. To him it seemed like the logical move. If Eddie loved Venom and Venom loved Eddie then, yeah, that makes sense. I mean, if Eddie is loving on Venom he is producing the same chemical Venom craves and Eddie could use someone to love him.

Anne on the other hand was more then confused. Her eyebrows furrowed together. How would something like that work? Venom is inside Eddie and exect for the times Venom formed on his shoulder, they where never really around each other. 

¨i uh… how dose that work?¨

¨how dose what work?¨ eddie felt Venom form around his hand. 

¨dating… like, you dont really see eachother?¨

¨we talk to eachother a lot, we talk and we eat together, and we watch movies together. Its just like a normal relationship but hes a alien.¨

Anne just looked more confused. She looked over to Dan, almost like she was confirming that she wasnt going crazy.

¨like a long distance relationship. Except Eddie and Venom can see each other whenever they want.¨ Dan explained.

¨and do you two go on dates or…¨

¨eddie took us on a walk the other day. We went to a seafood restaurant too.¨

¨well… i mean its not really my place to pry… whatever make you guys happy.¨ Anne sighed.

¨exactly. Whatever makes you two happy.¨ Dan smiled.

Eddie didnt like the sudden silence that layed across the room. He slightly prayed that venom would do something.

¨movie?¨ 

[julesthoughts]

Trap of Lies

Chapter 26

This is a dark AU collaboration started by @x3kristax3. You can find the other chapters here.

TW: Torture, violence, detailed scenes of violence, light sexual acts

Phil POV

Completely drained, I stood in my bathroom and reviewed the evening. I looked at my hands, still dirty with dirt and blood from the nasty son of a bitch and his horse. I went to my bathroom and washed my hands and face. I took off the dirty clothes and put on fresh clothes.

I saw the remaining blood residue in my sink that was not washed away by the water. I cleaned up the remaining blood and burned my clothes in my oven as there was no point in trying to clean them.

A thousand thoughts ran through my mind, but they all ended in relief. We were able to save MC in time and the devil of the whole drama is finally dead. Jessy promised to take care of MC because she saw that I still had something to do.

I braced myself with both hands on the sink and lifted my head. I saw myself reflected in my mirror. It still wasn't over. We had to find the devil's father.

"Agnus Barnett," I whispered. "Where are you?"

It was maddening! I asked each of the Whispers if anyone had heard that name before. Nobody knew him, but there had to be someone.

He's got people he bossed around. He did not run this business alone, he had employees. This man knew how to hide himself. He was the master at hiding and running such a big business.

I couldn't do this alone, I needed help from someone I trusted 100%. Dan. I immediately made my way to Dan, although it was the middle of the night, he was always willing to help me. I walked to his house because I didn't want to draw attention to myself.

When I arrived, I knocked firmly on his door and he opened the door a little annoyed. "Can't you even wait until morning?" he asked me grumpily.

"No time," I hissed and immediately I saw regret on Dan's face. Not wanting to contradict me, he let me in.

He tiredly ran his fingers through his hair and got his clothes to change. I looked at him confused and he just raised an eyebrow knowingly. "I know that look, you didn't come here for a tea party."

It's been a while, but with this sentence, Dan actually managed to make me smirk. Dan got dressed and then approached me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You look like you just committed murder."

When he didn't get an answer, his eyes widened. "Shit, who did you kill?"

"Alan, finally. But that's another story. We have to find the devil's father."

I took the blame on myself first, I didn't want to implicate MC even though she ended up being the one who killed him.

Dan suddenly looked at me seriously, "Do you know anything? Did you find out anything?"

"No!" I almost yelled, desperate. "But someone has to know something. I want to keep Jake out of it so he can focus on his new business.

"Amy," Dan suggested. "She might know something, after all she adores Alan and would do anything for him."

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"Jake told me she said she saved MC. I don't really believe it, but one thing's for sure, she'd die for him. She doesn't have to know Alan's dead, but we can pressure her to do that her answers could save his life."

"I knew you would be of great help to me. Now we just have to find out where she is."

I was glad I turned to Dan, he was always reliable, even if he could be a bit grumpy at times. Now all we had to do was find out where Amy was. I could see that Dan was already brooding.

"Any idea where Amy might be? The prostitutes are all over town, it would take us forever to find her," I paused. "Wait! I have an idea. I'm sure Charlotte can figure something out."

Dan nodded and we made our way to my bar. Once there I found Charlotte at a table with a man. I gave her a knowing look and she said goodbye to the man and walked towards me.

"What do you need to know?" she asked, since she already knew that look from me.

"Find out where Amy is at the moment, nothing else matters for now."

She nodded and got to work. Dan and I went to my office and tried to think if we really didn't know Agnus.

It wasn't long before there was a gentle knock on my door. I opened the door and Charlotte's eyes looked at me proudly. She whispered, "There's some kind of brothel across town, that's where she works."

I thanked Charlotte and nodded for Dan to follow me. I put a staff member in charge of running the bar. As we walked out of the bar, we made plans for how best to get to Amy.

"We register like normal guests and say that we would like to see Amy. Simple and uncomplicated," said Dan.

I hesitated, "It's a good idea per se, but I don't want to be recognized. I don't need rumors."

"Then we'll dress up a bit. A hat and a fake beard will do," Dan said, and we made our way over to his house. After we dressed up, I had to smile a little. A beard didn't suit me at all, but I had to go through with it now.

We took a carriage and made our way to the other side of town. We parked the carriage and got out. We entered the strange building and arrived at some kind of reception. A black-haired woman was sitting at the reception and there were men everywhere, smartly dressed. It must be the pimps.

Dan addressed the lady, "We'd both like to see Amy."

I was expecting everything, but not her next words, "No need to be so formal here. Room 9, she'll do whatever you want."

I grinned internally. Will she also answer our questions?

We both looked for room 9 and found it. We knocked and a gentle voice called us in. As she turned around, she gulped hard. She recognized us.

"You're not here to consider my service and I was about to leave anyway."

Dan chuckled darkly, "The receptionist told us that you do everything for us. I'm sure you'll also answer a few questions for us."

"What do you want? I have a date with Alan!"

I roared laughing, "Oh, I guess this isn't going to work out."

"What does this mean?" she asked in panic.

Dan took a step towards her, "If you want to see your beloved prince, then answer our questions."

She sat on the bed, sighed, and gestured for us to ask."

"Where is Alan's father?" I fell right in with the door, I didn't want to waste any more time.

She looked at us in shock, "How do you know I work for him?" She immediately put her hand to her mouth.

"That's easier than I thought," Dan chuckled. She shook her head in disbelief at her own stupidity.

"So, you know more than we thought. Well, I'm waiting for an answer."

"I don't know. For heaven's sake, I'm just a prostitute. He won't tell anyone where he is, at least that's what Alan always tells me."

"But you know who works for him, give us a name and location of this person."

She hung her head and said nothing more. I was right, she knew who worked for him. Dan sat down in a chair and spread his legs. "Either you answer this question now or you have to satisfy me."

I saw disgust on her face, Dan didn't seem to be her thing at all, and he seemed to have noticed and taken advantage of it. He knew that she would never willingly touch him if he gave her the choice.

She walked up to Dan, putting each hand on his knees and looking deep into his eyes. "I've had to touch more obnoxious guys than you. Come on, take off your pants. I'll satisfy you."

Dan smiled. What was going on in his head? "That's your job, if you're supposed to please me then you're supposed to do all the work."

With that, she winced and made a gagging sound. "Fine! You won. The name is Poke, he sells his wares in a park, behind a shabby shack. I don't know what time he is there though."

"There you go," Dan said as he rose from his chair.

"Are you releasing Alan? I gave you answers!"

This time I chuckled darkly, "Oh he's been free for a long time."

She looked at us confused and so we left her. She was lucky that she was a woman and not a man. No matter how much I detested a woman, I don't hurt a woman's hair.

Dan and I left the building and took the carriage to said park. I felt we had a better chance of finding this poke at night. We pulled our fake beards off our faces and parked the carriage a little further from the park.

We sneaked through the park to the shabby shack. We heard a branch snap behind the shack and immediately I ran behind the shack and there was a stranger to me.

"Poke?" I asked.

"Jesus Christ, who told you my name? What do you want to buy?"

"Answers."

As he tried to run away, Dan grabbed his collar and pushed him against the back door of the shack and to our surprise the door swung open. Dan didn't hesitate and shoved him into the cabin where he slammed into the opposite wall. I followed Dan into the shack and locked the door from the inside.

When I turned around, I saw Dan standing behind the man, holding a knife to his neck. He was helpless at our mercy.

"So, Poke, I'll ask you questions and you'll answer them well."

He just nodded and flinched as the blade of the knife digged a bit into his neck from his nod.

"Where's Agnus?"

"I don't know," he said pleadingly.

"Lie!" I roared and looked around the shack. This seemed to be the gardener's hut, since only gardening tools were lying around here. Everyone knows garden tools are the best torture tools.

I took a smaller saw and took Poke's hand and sawed off his pinky. He cried out, but I slapped him, and he just whimpered while blood dripped onto the floor.

"Answer me or all your fingers will be off."

He didn't say anything, and I held the saw to his ring finger. A grinding noise arose as I took an extra long time on his bone. I looked deep into his eyes, but still got no answer, so I cut off his next finger.

The game went on until all his fingers were off and there was a puddle of blood beneath us. Tears streamed down his face, and I saw that he was about to finally answer me.

I put his fingerless hand in front of his eyes and put the saw on his wrist. "Last chance," I threatened him.

I began to rock the saw back and forth slowly, letting him watch as I sawed his wrist. I kept sawing but stopped when I sawed through his bone and left his hand hanging on a piece of skin. He saw his wrist swinging on a thread of skin in front of him.

I took his fingerless hand and yanked with all my might, skinning part of his forearm in the process. His wrist fell to the ground with a loud splash, and he cried out at the top of his lungs.

And he answered.

"Ah shit! He lives in a rather large mansion, he spends all day there and rarely leaves it. The villa is only guarded from the inside. It's very isolated. In the middle of the forest, there is no street and no house number."

"How many guards?"

"Five or six. Two stand right in front of his office. Two stand at the entrance of the house and there are usually two walking around the mansion."

He was getting weak, and I could see Dan using all his muscles to keep holding him up.

"End him," I said to Dan.

Dan dropped him on the ground, leaned over him and slit his throat. Blood spurted out of him and for a brief moment I saw gratitude in his eyes. I didn't really want to go that far, but the thought of Alan getting his drugs from his own father's business infuriated me. And those drugs he used on MC.

MC had never done anything to anyone but Alan, but he deserved it.

We left the cabin, we took the carriage to Dan's house and we planned to find Agnus before dawn. The thought of what Richy and Alan had done to MC brought out the inner beast in me.

We didn't bother to clean up, just thinking how to find this mansion in the vast forests. We decided to stop by Alan's house and see if we could find anything. Once there, we broke down his front door and searched everything. Dan winced when he saw the huge bloodstain on the floor.

I roughly explained to him what had happened, and that MC is now safe.

"Good thing that son of a bitch is finally dead," said Dan.

I just nodded when I found an envelope. Inside the envelope was a painting of a mansion, and Dan gasped. "I know this mansion, how could I forget that! I rode past the mansion."

We each took a horse and rode off, Dan leading the way. It was a long and difficult ride. So many hurdles, detours and strong currents. No wonder no one has found him on such a path. I saw the villa and we brought our horses to a stop and put them in a meadow where no one could see them. We gave them an apple to eat as a reward.

We made our way to the mansion, and as Poke said, it's not patrolled from the outside. Dan pressed something cold metallic into my hand. A pistol and a knife. I hid the gun in my holster and the knife in my belt pouch.

I don't care that we had to kill everyone in there to get to Agnus. We had to shut down the source to end this drug business. And the source was Agnus.

We entered the premises and crept to the large front door. As big as the door is, it was easy to break open.

In the foyer, two muscular men immediately ran toward us, but Dan and I each drew our knives and slit their throats in one motion. We didn't hesitate and went further into the villa, where we met another man. Dan stabbed the blade of his knife into his neck and life drained from him too.

A man attacked me from behind and choked me off, Dan didn't know how to act. No matter how he tried to attack the man behind me now, he would hurt me. I turned the knife over in my hand and just swung it back. I hit the man behind me as his grip on my neck loosened.

My knife was stuck in his stomach, I pulled it out with all my might and immediately slit his throat before he could start screaming. He gurgled and blood spurted out of his mouth.

I coughed and gasped, he had a strong grip on it.

"Son of a bitch," I cursed under my breath.

After my breathing settled, Dan helped me up and we walked up the stairs. At the top we arrived in front of a huge wooden door, it was powerful. Two men stood to the right and left of the door and unfortunately, they noticed us immediately.

"How did you guys get in here?" asked the man on the right.

"With a little help," Dan said, brandishing his bloodied knife in his hand.

He threw the knife and it hit the wall next to the man on the left. He sneered but stopped laughing when Dan aimed his gun at him and shot him in the head. Now we could make some noise, we were busted anyway, and Agnus knew we were here.

I walked a little towards the man on the right when suddenly another shot rang out and I felt a warm liquid splash on my face. The man in front of me sagged and Dan blew smoke from his gun.

I tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Wimp," I whispered to Dan, shooting the lock with my pistol.

The door opened and I saw an older man, but that black hair looked all too familiar. There sat the likeness of Alan.

He looked at us with wide eyes, for a brief moment I saw a flash of fear in them. But immediately I saw pure hatred in his eyes.

I wiped the blood from my mouth with my right hand and gave him a friendly smile like a businessman.

I had to look like a psycho.

"Hello Agnus."

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 7

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 7: Somebody I used to know

2013 was like a fresh start for Phil, not that he had ever wanted one. Returning to his packed-up Manchester flat after spending New Year with his parents was nothing short of devastating. He looked around the sea of boxes and the happy memories and let out a choked sob, starting to hyperventilate as he thought about Dan. He was supposed to be there to help him, bring his things so they could move to London - together.

He walked around the flat and cried until his stomach hurt. He could see Dan everywhere. The sleepovers, the nights cooking together, the laundry crises. Finding Dan’s Manchester hoodie was the last straw; Phil’s world was falling apart around him like a house of cards and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

He heard the keys turning at the door and covered his face with both hands, trying to calm himself down, but he felt faint. He slid to the floor slowly and felt a pair of strong arms wrapping around him.

“What’s wrong?” Mark asked.

Phil tried to speak but only managed to sob loudly. At least that meant that he could breathe a bit better. 

“Is it Dan?” Mark asked and Phil nodded against his chest. “Don’t worry, love. I’m coming with you.”

Phil looked up at him in confusion. “What?” he said shakily. 

“Did you think I would let you go alone when you’re like this?” Mark smiled sadly.

Phil shook his head. “Your job-”

“I quit. I have a few interviews set up already,” Mark said. “You are more important.”

Pulling Mark into a tight hug, Phil continued to cry. He was fucking pathetic but at least he had good friends. “T-thank you.”

“It’s ok. Who wants to work retail anyway?” Mark laughed. “This will push me to find a job in my field.”

Phil smiled through the tears despite everything and looked around the flat again. He had been so immersed in his pain that he hadn’t noticed Mark’s things packed as well. He couldn’t go on like this, he needed help.

---

The train ride to London was quiet, too quiet, but he knew that Mark understood, and apparently kept himself busy texting someone all the while. Even as they walked into their London flat, Phil just stood by the door and thought of what to say, but he had nothing at all. Mark pressed a kiss to his forehead and went exploring.

He stood there for a moment, not knowing what to do before going after Mark. “Which bedroom do you like?” Phil asked in a monotone voice and Mark gave him a sad look.

“I don’t know, which one do you want?” Mark tried.

Phil shrugged.

“Maybe the bigger one would be good for filming,” Mark said, trying to get a single emotion out of Phil.

That was true, but if he was honest with himself, he had pictured Dan filming in that bedroom. “I want the small one, it has better lighting,” he lied.

Mark smiled at him and rubbed Phil’s arm gently. “Deal,” he said. “Come on, I’ll make you a coffee before the movers get here.”

“We don’t have the kettle here yet.” 

“I brought it just for you, what do you take me for?” Mark said.

That finally stole a smile from Phil. 

He sat on the grey sofa that came with the flat and felt himself sink into it. It was almost too soft, but it would have to do. Mark joined him a little while later, or so Phil thought, but the worried look he gave him let him know that maybe it had been longer.

“I’m going to need you to keep living,” Mark said, handing him a cup of coffee.

“I am,” said Phil flatly. 

“You’re not,” Mark countered. “We’re going to order pizza, you’re going to eat at least half and then get a shower.”

Phil frowned. “Do I stink that badly?”

“No, of course not. You know I would tell you,” Mark snorted. “But it will help you to… I don’t know, get into your routine again and it’s self-care.”

“Hmm,” Phil said. “I was thinking of finding a therapist.” He paused and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I think I need help.”

“Admitting it is the first step. I’m glad that you decided to get help.” Mark took a sip from his mug and winced. “Too hot. What made you finally think of therapy? You have been very resistant.”

Phil considered telling Mark what he had been thinking about recently but pursed his lips.

“I can tell that you’re keeping something from me.”

“I don’t think we should have sex anymore,” he mumbled.

“We haven’t done it in ages, love. I assumed as much, but I understand the need to set a boundary. And don’t think that I’m buying that, that’s not what’s bothering you. Please, just…” He trailed off.

“I’m exhausted,” Phil finally said, nursing his drink. 

“Go on.”

Phil pulled on a loose thread sticking out of his T-shirt. “And… sometimes I just want to sleep.”

“I’m going to need you to finish that thought.”

“I want to just sleep and not wake up… sometimes,” he shut his eyes, not wanting to see Mark’s face when he said it. “Just sleep forever. Rest. I want to rest.” He dared look up into Mark’s eyes.

“Phil!” Mark said, his eyes filling with tears. He took their mugs and set them on the coffee table before pulling him into a tight hug. “Phil, shhhhhhh. Don’t say that!”

“I’m sorry,” Phil said, the only emotion coming to the surface being shame for making Mark cry. Mark never cried. “I’ll get help.”

“I’m here,” he said shakily, rubbing Phil’s back.

Phil remembered to hug Mark back. “I’ll eat. ¨Promise”

“Good,” Mark whispered.

That night, Phil did eat and shower and lay awake all night thinking. It was completely stupid but he still hoped that Dan would reach out, notice that Phil had stopped trying to communicate and suddenly remember that he’d had a friend, but that didn’t happen. 

Slowly, life got busy again. Mark took care of him for the entire first month of their London adventure, but as he started a trial period as an accountant at a Tesco, Phil had to get his shit together. Life was going to continue with or without him and it was time that he actually did something for himself. It took him two tries to find a therapist that he liked and that he felt comfortable enough to discuss Dan with.

She agreed that his diagnosis was anxiety, not depression, but the frown on her face when he mentioned the natural sedatives let him know that she didn’t approve of Dan’s suggestion. Each session left him depleted, causing him to take a taxi home and get into bed immediately. Still, Mark had no mercy for him and woke him up to eat dinner every single time. It took a few months to give her a full rundown of his life and what he was going through at the moment but she seemed optimistic about his future. Wednesdays soon became the days he looked forward to, and sometimes, it even seemed too long between sessions but he held on to his sanity as hard as he could and didn’t ask to go twice a week.

Coincidentally, as his mental health improved, so did his career. AmazingPhil hit 1 Million subscribers, and his monthly radio show got quite popular and usually went smoothly, except for the time he switched the show off the air and nearly got himself fired. He’d been charming enough that the producers decided to have a sit down with him and explain what every button did 20 times instead of giving him the boot. He was on the cover of many teen magazines, had to do photoshoots here and there, both of which he hated, and started to be able to actually save money. Well, eventually; at first he didn’t even have the money to get a haircut so his mane looked ridiculous and he ate ramen for quite a while, but then things got somewhere. 

Still, Dan’s absence was like a shadow cast over his life. Not a day went by when Phil didn’t wonder what he was up to, or where he was. It was inevitable since it was still affecting his life: when Dan had pulled from every project he hadn’t signed by December of the previous year, Phil had had to let go of some things that just didn’t make sense without him. They had book deals lined up among other things that he didn’t feel confident enough to do on his own. The idea of the book was a tribute to their joint content, their friendship and their fans. Project X, the gaming channel, was also dropped. Phil couldn’t even imagine playing MarioKart, Halo, or any of the other games they’d played together. 

By the end of the year, Mark had met Noah, his boyfriend and moved in with him. It had been a welcome change for both of them. Mark deserved to be happy and not be Phil’s carer and Phil needed to be an adult and take care of himself. It was ok, he felt ready to do it and he knew Mark would have never left if Phil wasn’t actually doing better. He’d even started to feel that he didn’t even need weekly therapy appointments anymore.

That is, until Christmas. Phil had gotten it into his head that he would be ok with spending Christmas home alone instead of going up North. Family gatherings had not been great on his anxiety, especially the previous holiday season with all the questions about Dan and what he would do now that he didn’t have a collab partner, but it turned out that being alone with no plans was also not good for his mental health either.

He had held off putting the tree up until the 24th because it reminded him of the time he and Dan had decorated his parents’ house for Christmas that week in December. At first, putting on music and singing along was keeping his mind on the right track, but when he got to the ornaments, he found a small brown bear with a red ribbon around its tiny neck. He could hear the memory of the first time he’d seen it even to this day.

“Do you like it?” Dan said.

“Aw, it’s so cute!”

“It’s for you. My family used to call me Bear when I was little so I wanted to give you something to remember me by when we’re not together.”

“I wish you could stay,” Phil regretted.

“Me too!” Dan said. “I better give you your New Year’s kiss now, since I won’t be here…”

Phil smiled widely, his stomach full of butterflies as Dan pressed their lips together for a sweet kiss.

He blinked, his mind returning to the present. He looked down at the tiny bear and saw a tear fall on its head. Pausing, he considered putting the ornament in the trash, but he didn’t have the heart to do it. He couldn’t display it either. 

He cleared his throat, reached for the star, put it at the top of the tree and closed the box. The tree looked a bit silly with lights and only the star but there was no one around to pester him about it. He put the box away and made himself a drink or five before going out to a club to find someone new to have sex with.

---

2014 and 2015 only brought Phil more success, more subscribers and more work. He got his own request show on Radio 1 and even hosted the Brit Awards. He was so proud of himself and the fact that he always managed to convince extremely famous people to play his silly games, wear masks and answer his random questions. Phil found that he had a talent to come up with things on the spot so he was never caught with his pants down, so to speak. His pants were often down though, but for very different reasons. He might not have been the hottest guy around but he was confident enough that he could pull nearly any guy he wanted and so he treated himself quite often, allowing himself to feed his ego in what he knew was the wrong way, but it kept him afloat.

Feeling better about himself, Phil finally decided to give mixed therapy a go to finish resolving what he had been carrying with him for so long and the new day to day things that added to his anxiety and random bouts of insomnia. At least, he’d capitalised on that with the Sleepless Night With Phil videos. His new therapist wasn’t amused by that.

It took him nearly a full year to feel like he was getting anywhere near to being stable but it was worth it. In 2016 he also continued experimenting with meditation after remembering how it had helped in the past, and found a method that suited him better than just clearing his mind. His mind was never empty, on the contrary, it was always chaotic and colourful, so he used that in his favour. 

He had officially dated 3 guys, all of them good people, but he didn’t feel for them like he had for Dan; they weren’t nearly as funny, or as compatible with him. He couldn’t help but compare them to Dan and, honestly, being closeted to his fans didn’t help matters either. Whatever relationship he wanted to embark on, it was doomed to fail because he didn’t want it out in the magazines and as a public person, he had nearly no privacy at all.

A curious yet helpful side effect of his lack of private life was that Phil got to address his hypersexuality in therapy because if he continued to hook up with random strangers, it was bound to come out and he didn’t feel like it was worth it. He did a complete 180 and decided that he didn’t want to do relationships or situationships anymore. Granted, his newfound lack of a sex life worried his therapist a bit, but she was supportive of him no longer channelling any failure or aspect in his life that he found lacking through sleeping around with anyone who caught his eye. It was partly due to her pointing out that Phil was using hypersexuality as a way of self-harm and as a way to boost his own self-esteem when he felt low. The first part was shocking, the other one not so much. It was hard to feel low when he felt wanted. She did call Phil out for his reticence to commit in relationships but he pretended that he didn’t hear her. That was a problem for future Phil.

At last, Phil found his self-worth within himself, his good heart and how he carried himself in his life, professionally and in his interpersonal relations. He prided himself in being a good son, brother, and friend. He made those special relationships a priority in his life and took great care of them, reaching out, having honest conversations and just saying I love you. In time, he’d realised that no matter how much you loved someone, sometimes it was necessary to say it out loud instead of letting people make an assumption.

What solidified the change had started to make on his own was his grandmother’s death. Phil wished he’d had the chance to say goodbye to her in person, that he had taken a trip up North, but she was gone in a blink. Instead, he tried to find comfort in the conversations they’d had in the last few months.

[phregnancy]

Do you think there is truth to dan saying that or is he just trying to joke and phil just like left his bowl in the sink in the bus or something?

oh i fully believe everything dan said was true, phil has always been a scattered and disorganized person to live with - kath was literally cleaning up after him in his first manchester apartment (which dan admits wasn’t messy but it was disorganized). dan hasn’t really complained about phil’s living habits in a long time though so i’m thinking he’s probably a little embarrassed having other people in their living space and seeing phil be a little inconsiderate of the people living with them.

[bearpillowmonster]

SUPERMAN: EARTH ONE

I saw the covers of these three volumes and knew I had to check them out so I loaded up a digital copy.

"If you experienced the same thing, if you've ever worn that symbol on a T-shirt, doodled it on the back of a notebook, or had it tattooed on your arm…if you understand what that symbol means -- that all things are possible -- then this book is dedicated to you. It is also dedicated to DC's Dan DiDio, who allowed this kid from New Jersey to finally realize the dream of a lifetime."

Hearing something like that lets me know that the writers care about what they're putting out and had something in mind that they wanted to tell with a beginning middle and end. Then the opening panels have Clark getting on a train and his mother asking why when he can just fly. "I want this to take time. I need time to think."

Barely even into the first few pages and I said "Alright, I have to buy this physically." because it was just too good. (plus it was only three volumes so it was compact enough to collect).

We get some really great concept art in the back. Even a copy of the newspaper. The dialogue is great, this version of Clark is great. No complaints with the first volume.

Now the next volume keeps up this pace and gives Clark a little bit of an adolescent moment where he's not really with Lois yet, in fact, there's someone else who's interested (this Lisa) but he has to learn to pace himself. He learns what consequences there are for his actions with his neighbor, Lisa. The second villain is Parasite which I've never really been fond of anyway because his story is more or less the same every time, so whatever.

The last volume is where things shine again because it reminds me that Lisa's into Clark (Clark is only making friends) because they think they're weirder than him and need a shoulder to cry on. That's great that you're trusted like that but it pushes your own self into a corner because you aren't actually the neutral they want to believe and feel you can't open up because of it.

I have an album of various pictures I've come to like from specific comics and I found myself pausing a lot to take some for this one, it has some good art. Lex is introduced, Z is introduced. Z...looks like a hooded Robin, I'm not gonna lie. Lex is...ahead of the game. He's married, he has hair. I mean, he's smart, he has the right idea but I always feel like people overthink his character and try to change him up but they need to remember that this is just the guy that wanted to sink California, putting a bomb in the San Andreas fault. This version fits this story because he's more involved with the government though.

But I like the theme of participation because you have the news media watching Superman and they just watch and show. You have the army, they get told by Zod not to fight him so they stay out of the fight. Superman is without ally, nobody will help him, they just watch because a man with that much power should be stopped, right? But there's a bat-signal type S emblem in the sky. Lois, the one he leaves mid-fight for just to see what's wrong and keep her safe. But who's standing there than none other than Lex. He's the only one to do something- take away Superman's power with red radiation.

But while characters like Lois and Lex are tentative, it's only a three volume arc so we don't get to see that fully blossom, just begin. So Clark still likes Lisa, he talks to Lois and they are friends now but it's not the role that Lois is known for. Lex comes to a decision about what his life is about and then leaves it in his wife's hands at the end, so she's the one taking his role. Part of me wants to say 'why even introduce them then?' but I can't really complain because I liked what I saw of them and it was only a 3 parter. All in all, it succeeded in being a good comic book, maybe not as edgy as you see on the covers but it made me just as happy.

[the-firebird69]

This attempt of his to take over the United States is coming up pretty quick he's getting things in place like American military hardware and others see it and they're getting stuff in place and he is trying to activate robots to take over all of the mainland society areas and the general populace including our areas no he means all of the ones that we might be in Trump was saying it and he means it too and he's been inspiring his people by bothering her son and yeah and people don't like it they said you're not inspiring us you look mean and stupid and like a bully and you're going to get us into trouble and it's because of the dumb robots and you keep doing it and doing it and saying all the stuff and blabbing and you're blabbing right now and a lot of us are coming to get you they said it today they're going to get him for crimes against their people against the clans and his stuff is lame and they're kind of yelling it you're lame on top of it or going after you you sit here and hand him stuff and say he's nothing when you don't know what he's doing and it certainly sounds worse than what you say it is and you know about the boat you know about the ship and all this s*** comes out of you and we don't think you know it matter of fact we know that you don't the crown was upside down when you're trying to tell your man you don't know about the monsters and he's going to get revenge on us and you and you're going to be gone and we're going to be gone and he's going to have a better time that's our legacy and he says it we're going to meet romantic kids who are rebels for demented not romantic and failed because we're mean to him that his clan was mean to him and they couldn't hold it off either so there's a plus for Christ's sake it's horrible categorically we should be stopped nobody bothers today is heinous I'm going to go out there singing and playing in the water and then are both going to get ripped off and the idiots going to sink one you had to wonder which one it is it hard to tell apart I said they should be there pretty much the same the one is right and one is left that makes sense and she's smiling he can actually tell by the name so we're going to head now and all these little missions

David Bowman's and we're at plumber that trip was we f***** up so bad it's cuz of Stefan

You're you're a f****** loser Trump we want you out of our face you circled around him so many times people around start getting sick and really mad at us it did matter a lot of people got hit the secrets are out they go right after the robots and they don't wait for you to reprogram it you're a f****** moron cuz you can't figure it out

Dan

But suppose it matters but I don't see the robots missing and they say they're missing I'm not checking well..

Trump

Yeah stupid they moved them and they're holding them and you're not reprogramming them after they reprogram them with new hardware

David b

I suppose you're right but they don't have that many

Trump

They have quite a few they're going for a lot of them right now they say cuz we're talking about it the way they're getting at is really interesting

David b

To see what you idiots are saying and you certainly don't understand what you're talking about damn it mom is you're a fool and you always have been and you don't mind you're an idiot and you always have been and people take your robots and remove the hardware the controls and they put their own in that's how it's done so we can't reprogram after that and they have a procedure you're f****** dumb

Thor Freya

What we're saying is making people angry and pushing them to do the job but it sound like spring chickens so they go ahead and do it

David Bowman's

They are losing their robots now and they're down to 65% in the eastern hemisphere and they don't care cuz they say they still have a lot but over there there were a lot of robots not more than here but it's probably like 40% over there and 60 here they're planning to go after the robots here in the semisphere and twice as aggressive then estimates are 30 to 60% will be taken and it's already missing 15%. So they'll be 25% left if they take them and he's going to say that he took them and so what he's saying stuff he said stuff all day long

Thor Freya

Olympus

Look we might lose we're going to bring people down with us and stuff like that he says no I'm going to have you killed by Tommy f who seems to be taking most of your robots because you sit here being a flipping f****** loser cuz he wants you to be and he says that and that's what he's doing and we're losing everything and believe me he's going to take it all he's had that many robots and it's not a big deal and he knows how to do it we're just making it a lot worse everyone hates us

Trump I did notice he's on the January 6th committee and he's my lawyer and it looks like the judge is one of his and yeah we're kind of stupid

[yingren]

“ the least you could do is acknowledge it. no need to imply that i ain’t serious about it. ” and with that, he drops the topic, already pushing it aside before it veers too close to an unwanted confession. some truths are harder to face, especially when it comes to the subject of romance, or the lack of it, in his life. he usually brushes it off, telling people he simply doesn’t have the time. between working to support himself and taking care of yunli, there aren’t many free hours in the week he’d want to devote to a relationship. dating apps seem absurd, and parties aren't his scene. so, he spends most of his time at home, catching up on much-needed sleep or tackling the ever-growing list of chores that seems to get longer by the day.

ren reaches out to take dan feng’s hand, following his lead to the car and tossing his bag into the backseat. the whole thing feels almost rehearsed, like a routine they’ve done countless times before. maybe ren has gotten too comfortable, assuming dan feng understands exactly how he feels and is deliberately ignoring his subtle attempts at flirting. if ren remembers right, dan feng’s house isn’t far—certainly not close to this neighborhood, but past drives over there haven’t taken more than twenty minutes. it’s curious though, how dan feng insists on coming to this diner when there are much better places near his home and workplace. of course, that makes ren wonder if there’s intention behind it. dan feng had said as much himself, hadn’t he? still, ren tries not to read too much into it—though he can’t help but feel a bit disappointed at the thought that it might not mean anything at all.

“ i still think you should at least text me when you’re feeling like that, you know ? ” yes, he decides to revisit the topic, even though his gaze is fixed out the window and his attention seems to be elsewhere. there’s a nagging need to address what’s been on his mind. dan feng has been there for him countless times, a loyal friend always willing to offer support, even if ren rarely gave anything in return—at least, nothing of real value in his own eyes. a part of him worries he’s becoming too dependent on dan feng, afraid he might be a burden even. his idle hands reach for the phone in his pocket as he sinks further into the seat, leaning back and settling in for the drive. “ you keep telling me to reach out if i ‘need anything’ like that doesn’t go both ways ? come on. this shit is supposed to be give and take, at least try a little bit harder to make me feel somewhat useful. ”

While he may not be stupid, one certainly could use the word ‘obtuse’ to describe Dan Feng. When it comes to people, at least. He’s blunt most of the times, uncaring if his answer is unpleasant. That’s also the reason for him to not become a psychotherapist, he wouldn’t find success in this path. Thus, when Ren says that he isn’t pretending when he flirts, having the audacity to scoff, Dan Feng’s eyebrows gather together. He feels… insulted, in some weird way. Like Ren didn’t curse him openly but is doing it in his mind. “You always use flirtatious commentaries to try deviate the conversation.” He doesn’t want to be made fun of for falling for Ren’s teasing (when he understands it), so, Dan Feng had never thought outside of his own version of Facts & Logics.

A part of himself is pleased to know that he can just take Ren home without any pitstops, but he can’t deny that a tiny one wonders why Ren has a bag ready to go. He was prodding before, bantering with the man, however he isn’t all that sure that Ren doesn’t sleep with anyone. Dan Feng shares much of his time with Ren, yet they don’t really know much about each other when comes to The Deep Stuff.

Waves of black hair flutter behind Ren, and Dan Feng is caught staring with a barely-there, yet painfully soft, smile of his own. The length of their hair is almost the same, but Dan Feng’s strands have a faint sheen of green where Ren’s is red. “I have no concerns about being alone.” It’s true: Dan Feng doesn’t mind living alone in a big house. He doesn’t mind it that the house is quiet and calm. “It’s not like I have a preference, either. But it is within human’s nature to eventually strike the odd feeling of loneliness.” The doctor shrugs, as if this is something in his DNA and he can’t really change it. Which is true. “Besides, most of the times this kind of feeling strikes half past midnight. You should be sleeping by then.”

More because of Dan Feng’s own work than anything else. His shifts in the hospital are uncertain, and sometimes he just jumps from one to the next without actually sleeping. “Since you are ready, let us get going.” As if he owns the place, Dan Feng walks towards the exit, stopping on the threshold of the kitchen to look at Ren. Then, he offers a hand, without really thinking about the meaning of the gesture. “Come, Ren.”