#and i really hate that besides the few tutorials there are your two options when you encounter any issues are

[neonbutchery]

gonna try learning how to edit heads in bg3 AGAIN if i don't update it's because I've thrown my computer through a window 👍

[mae-gi-writes]

Catching Fire | Sunwoo (TBZ Imagine)

In which Sunwoo, a soldier of the Royal Kingdom of Atheera, is smitten with the princess he guards. 

Genre: fluff, a lil’ angst. 

Words: 1.9K 

"I have a really bad feeling about this," Y/N said as Sunwoo helped her climb over the edge of her balcony, legs swinging into nothingness as the wind whistled through the depths of night. She peered over the railing with worried eyes, fear lodged in the back of his throat. What in the world was she even doing?

"Scared, princess?" Sunwoo's murmur brushed against her ear and she shivered at the contact. She threw him a glare and would've shoved him off if not for the fact that there was nothing to cushion his fall. 

"You know, I keep asking myself why I do this every goddamn night," she thought aloud when the man turned to climb up the wall, using the vines that twined all the way up the castle and that were as thick and dense as trees themselves. She followed, now able to keep up with his pace with ease. Earlier on, it had been a struggle to even get herself hoisted upwards, her body strength barely nonexistent. But a few weeks in Sunwoo's presence had made her stronger, bolder, more determined to break and bend the laws as she saw fit. 

She was shivering by the time they reached one of the towers and was grateful when Sunwoo pulled over over the edge. They toppled to the ground and she landed in-between his legs with a yelp, head lifting only to realize how close they were. 

Her eyes widened, "I'm sorry--"

"I'm not," his eyes were playful, curving up into adorable crescents that she was so fond of. Funny how fate had decided that they should meet. He was barely a soldier of the royal guard, having never set foot inside castle walls until the king had promoted him to a member of the princess's private guards. 

The few initial weeks spent in her company had revealed to Sunwoo just how different she was from all the rumours that he had once believed to be true. She wasn't poised, definitely not down to earth and as gentle as people made her out to be. Heck, she could barely manage to walk down the hallway without stumbling over her own two feet! How she was still part of the royal family was still a mystery to him. 

He pulled her up gently by the back of her elbow as he watched her eyes lighting up with childlike wonder, gazing up at the stars as though she'd never seen anything quite like it. 

"I'll never get sick of this," she let out a sigh filled with content as the soldier leaned over the edge with his hands clasped before him, "I can't believe I never set foot here." 

"You're not allowed up here though," Sunwoo's eyebrow quirked upwards.

"You're right. I'm not. So I'm glad you showed this to me." 

"Anything for you, princess."

"Stop saying that," Y/N shot him a glare that would've sent any other guard running. Sunwoo, however, merely chuckled before nudging her playfully as she continued, "you can call me by my name, you know." 

"Oh I know, it's just more fun that way."

"Dick."

"Princess!" Sunwoo gasped mockingly, a hand settling atop his chest, "that is no way to talk!"

She shoved him in response, unable to stop the grin from spreading onto her face as they settled into a comfortable silence and basked in the peaceful air of the night sky. 

"Sunwoo, why'd you choose to be a soldier?" She asked suddenly. Realizing that it might have sounded a little condescending, she quickly added, "I mean, did you have a choice or?..."

"I had a choice," Sunwoo smiled down at her, touched at her consideration, "my options weren't the greatest though. It was either to be a soldier or to become an apprentice horseshoe maker and I wasn't into that."

"But being a soldier is such a tough job," Y/N murmured, "aren't you scared? I'd be scared in your place. I hate to constantly think that death might be just around the corner." 

"Princess, that's what soldiers are for. We live through death everyday."

"But that's--that's no way to live."

He sighs, "we don't really have a choice." 

Silence fell as she contemplated his words, turned them this way and that in her mind. Growing up as a princess had been fairly easy for the most part. She didn't mind acting like a true lady once in a while, so long as she could do whatever she pleased behind closed doors and out of the public's eye. She had grown used to the responsibilities, the endless running back and forth between meetings and conferences and private tutorials that her mother would line up one after another. 

But admittedly, this wasn't the life that she wanted to live. Not really. Whenever she caught sight of the young children running around in the village, there was always a sense of envy wallowing through her, a green murky substance she named jealousy that constantly questioned why she hadn't been granted such freedom. 

But grass was always greener on the other side, she had chided to herself then. At least there was food on the table, water to drink. She couldn't complain. 

"And you?" Sunwoo's words suddenly brought her back to reality and as she blinked, she realized that she had subconsciously sidled up close to him, snuggling into his warmth. 

Her eyes flickered up to meet his own hooded ones, glinting with a mysterious light that caused something inside her to stir. When he spoke again, his voice was softer, practically a murmur drifting through the wind, "do you regret being a princess?"

"I had no choice either," she looked out over the horizon and enjoyed the glittering yellow dots that alighted the city, "but I can't say that I don't regret it, for I can't help but wonder what it would be like if my life was different, if I was born in a normal family like everyone else." 

"I think you're doing a great job."

She glanced up at him, "what?"

"I think that the people of Atheera would agree with me when I say that you're doing a great job as a princess."

Though Y/N kept her gaze straight, she couldn't help the blush that spread over her cheeks like wildfire, "that's probably one of the nicest things you said to me," she tried not to let her voice quake, to give away to her surprise. 

Sunwoo chuckled beside her, "one of the nicest things?"

"You also said once that I was a great friend to you," she picked at her fingers, a habit she never quite got over in the first place, "I think that tops them all."

"You do pay attention, don't you?"

"When you spend all your life listening to people criticizing the way you do everything, you tend to cherish the compliments."

"What if I say that I think I've fallen in love with you? Would you remember that?"

"What?" Y/N's head snapped up with wide-eyed shock, mouth falling open at his statement. She looked like a deer caught in headlights and as Sunwoo gazed at her with a fondness, his heart squeezed with the known fact that this might be the last time he'd ever see her alone. His confession would change everything and while he knew that he was putting his life on the line by spouting this nonsense kept hidden in the grooves of his heart, he couldn't hold it in for longer, not when she was looking at him like he held her universe, so grateful that he'd shown her a piece of the world she seldom knew existed. 

"I--Yes, well. I--Of course I'd remember," she huffed in an attempt to keep a straight face. Despite all that, her cheeks were flushing the color of fire and he cocked his head, amused at the way her emotions flickered across her face without restraint for once. 

It was as though she had forgotten all princess principles that had been instilled in her from birth. 

"You can't do that, you know," she bit her lip and turned away, as if embarrassed by her own reaction. Her hands were picking at themselves and Sunwoo reached out to stop her, the warmth of his palm causing her to stiffen. 

"Can't do what? Say that I love you?" He asked.

"You can't love me, Sunwoo. I'm princess of Atheera. That' s bound to break your heart whether you like it or not."

"Oh I know," he gave her hand a little squeeze before moving a little closer, just so that her shoulder brushed against his chest. 

Her eyes fluttered back up to meet his, before they held gazes. What Sunwoo foundx to his utmost surprise, was not revulsion or fear. There it was, that naked childlike wonder, as though he'd caught her attention, as though he was the one that could mold her world any way she wanted, and she'd let him. 

He swallowed thickly, suddenly all too aware of the electricity buzzing in the air, between their bodies, connecting his palm to hers. 

He stepped back. Dropped his hand. 

"I'm sorry princess," he looked away, "that was clearly out of line--"

Hands grabbed at his collar before she snatched him down and interrupted him with a kiss. 

Sunwoo's eyes widened as he felt her mouth moving against his in the most sensual caresses that alighted his body with goosebumps, before he slid them closed and grasped her waist. He pressed her body against his, feeling her curves mold into his hard frame, and gasped when her hands trickled through his short dark strands, fingers combing along his skull while sending sparks skittering down his spine. 

"Princess," he mumbled against her lips, "you can't--and we shouldn't--"

She pressed a kiss along his jaw, "are you denying your princess's orders?" She nicked at his skin playfully, and a soft moan rumbled from the depths of his chest. So he kissed her with even more vigour, allowing himself to momentarily get lost in those dancely curves, in the weight of her flesh against his, and in the taste of her mouth lingering along his tongue. 

Later, they sat side by side, now closer than ever and heads tilted back to watch the stars. 

"So here's what we're going to do," Y/N turns to him then, "we're going to escape Atheera, together, when the sun sets over the horizon, and run away so that we can get married."

He reached out to brush her hair off her face, "I wish it could be that easy."

"It is that easy, if you want it to be."

Sunwoo shook his head, "as much as I'd like to say yes, you are still Princess of Atheera, and your duty lies with the people. You're not going to throw all that away just for a mere soldier."

"You are not just a mere soldier," she scowled.

"You know what I mean."

Y/n paused for a minute. Then, she sighed, "you're right. We need a better escape plan."

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"Yeah, I heard. And I'm not listening."

They continued to bicker under the stars, unaware of the moon gazing down upon their two figures with a smile on its face. Their love radiated off then in waves, a love so pure and rich with emotion that they would fight for what they believed was right, even if that meant raging war against the stars to make their love shine through. 

---------

Soooo this was originally supposed to be a Juyeon fic. But then as I wrote, I realized that Sunwoo would fit here os well. Plus, I wanted to write a Sunwoo-centered fic for a while so I hope you guys enjoy it!  Let me know if you’d like a part 2! Thanks to everyone who has read it this far! xx  Also, for those who keep up with “Deobi Playlist”, I upload every Monday and Thursday so make sure to turn on your notifications! :,) 

[anti-anti-a-la-bi-bi]

Can you rant about pkmn sword? Rants are enjoyable to read

Alright, so it took me a bit to get my thoughts in line. Lets start with how I feel about the pricing: I am all for having 30 euro DLC over a third version for the full price, however, I do think that if they do that, as well as with the dex cut, they should quit with having there be two versions. Nowadays, with internet communication, it doesn't really do much for social interaction, it's just another hurdle for those of us who wish to complete the pokedex(and especially when they remove the GTS and make you pay for it later). It's still a scummy tactic, and no one will complain if there's just one version+DLC. It makes a big difference in the pricetag, since being forced to buy nintendo online, or two switches and two games to trade, are both mandatory payments to make in order to achieve one of the encouraged goals within the game. Furthermore, people within one family will likely be using the same cartridge, so if there is only one version, all in all, it'll make a huge difference for people who use a whole switch as a family as well. Also, I do not think that sword and shield are worth 60 euros. I think they're worth 30 at most, since the base game is worse than x and y/sun and moon. They also locked following pokemon behind a paywall, which is bullshit and yeah, fuck that. I think swsh are enjoyable, but not when they sell at the same price as games with way more content, games that look much better, and usually both combined. For what the switch can do, swsh look really bad, actually. There are a few pretty spots, but that's the exception, not the rule. To add on to things that I think are horrible; the raid battles, especially the more difficult ones, in single player. I don't have switch online, and as such, I need to do all raids alone. But, the raids are near-impossible in a lot of cases unless you get really lucky with the npcs and ai. I got two gmax Toxtricity by using wide guard with Zamazenta for over four hours until I finally got lucky for each. This is both to blame on the ai, and the horrible selection of pokemon. Pokemon that should have evolved at level 60, well, they are still in their first form, so you have magikarp and mudbray at a 5 star raid. At least have them evolved. They have good moves, yes, but their base stats are so low that it doesn't matter. Also, the shield mechanic. It is predetermined how much damage you can do, and if you land a supereffective hit, it's not unlikely for it to only do a sliver of damage and then the shield goes up. It's annoying, makes battles extremely difficult because a lot of npcs just won't attack while the shields are up, and it just becomes a waiting game if your pokemon is just there to act as support(such as my Zamazenta with wide guard to prevent Toxtricity from 2-hit ko-ing all my teammates). Also, the fact that even if you beat a gmax pokemon, there is still a chance not to catch them. It often takes ages to even defeat them, and then, 'Congratulations! You just wasted over half an hour of your life! Get fucked!'. I had this happen with Applin t w i c e. Also, the wild area is... It's okay, really. Nothing exceptional, my immersion is ruined by the sheer amount of pop-in, something that happens even when there aren't a lot of models on-screen, the Onyx in Motostoke being a rather infamous example. The trees look like shit, the berry trees look like they don't belong, to put it bluntly, it looks like something a student would make in unity. You'd expect something better from the highest grossing franchise in the world. The ai of the pokemon is often pretty bad, with them just moving in circles, I have seen so many synchronized pokemon at this point that it's just... Egh. Also, the customization options are still so limited? Can't choose eyeshape, can't choose clothes that actually make your character stand out, and you can't even choose your challenger uniform after you become the champion. Why does Leon get a special uniform? I have never seen a pokemon game so set on making you feel like a celebrity after you win, yet you don't get to have much of an identity in the game even after you win. It didn't have to be difficult, just a customization screen inside the dressing room of the Wyndon stadium, perhaps some extra clothing options? As for things I like: I like the atmosphere. The music, though sometimes repetitive, does help my immersion. The gym leader theme is dynamic, shifting with what happens in the battle, making me feel like I'm actually standing there, and the ambient themes work well as well, though those were rarely encountered at all. I love the characters, the trainer cards giving you some backstory on them, they are, together with the Unova leaders, the most present gym leaders today, with a history of their own. It felt amazing to just read the trainer cards(and I enjoyed making my own as well). The towns have their own themes, and while I can't remember the names, I do remember each location well. But. There was so much wasted potential. The castle in Hammerlocke? The large building in the east? Hammerlocke's castle: the vault, 1 room and a roof. The large building? Nothing. You don't even get to see the attraction inspired by the London Eye. Wyndon is so small??? It has a small shopping street, the stadium and the inn and that's about it. Castelia City was bigger than that. Overall, the game feels rushed. The gym challenges at the start were cool, but by the end it's more of "battle these trainers in a row haha". Also, the animations. Gamefreak claimed to need to remake all models(they did not, the 3ds models were used with better textures), and to make better animations(only for newer pokemon, most pokemon used their pokemon amie animations and further animations from the 3ds titles). The animations are still bad, especially for something as powerful as the switch. I enjoyed the lore behind the region, but I really, really dislike Dynamax. I like gigantamax because the pokemon usually changes in a way that is distinguishable, but regular dynamax... Nah. Give me mega evolution back, perhaps update its mechanics so it changes the gameplay more and requires more strategy, but Dynamax just feels like something that is so low-effort. Pokemon but beeg. The curry making, on the other hand, I love. Pokemon should not be a cooking game, but it made me feel like I was actually bonding with my pokemon, that they were present in the mc's daily life. I would love to see more additions like that, the possibility to become the kind of trainer you want. Enjoy swimming? Perhaps go for a swim with your pokemon? It doesn't need to be complex, but I'd just love to see my pokemon interact with each other and with my actual character more. The routes are too linear. The last route is literally a straight line with some trainers, with next to no effort in it. I also think that the handholding needs to be talked about. When you get to Motostoke and have signed up for the gym challenge, a staff member will lead you to the in, which is literally one screen to the left. Such examples are found all over the game, and I hate it. They do let you skip some tutorials, which is a welcome change, but characters are so willing to force you to stop with whatever you're doing and make you listen to their speeches that it still often feels like a slog, especially because you don't get to do shit besides gyms until the very, very end, in which the fucking champion tries to catch a legendary in a regular pokeball, not even a great or ultra ball. The lore is great, but the actual story is so nonsensical that I just didn't bother to pay attention. Hop literally recycles Hau's animations. I would love for him to have his own, so he'd feel more separate, because they ARE different characters, with different goals. But Hop is even more annoying than Hau because he just won't shut up. You walk 5 steps and he shows up somewhere, for no reason at all. Meanwhile, there's this big event going down, a crowd has gathered, you get there and... Leon has already resolved it. You just get a picture, that was what you wanted, right? That sums up most of the game 'the adults will deal with this!' . The picture doesn't even look good. Swsh is fond of just showing you pictures, for example, right before the climax when Rose and Leon are talking. There's no background music or anything, just pictures and the sound of the textbox. It feels so low-effort. Also, if you have a character that is a singer, and he uh, he sings, it MAY be a good idea to include VOICE ACTING. They had someone sing in Black and White 2! Surely they can do it on the fucking switch, several years later? The mouths flapping about just feels incredibly awkward. I would recommend the game if you can find it somewhere for cheap, not for the full price. There is enjoyment to be had, but it's subpar in comparison to other games for the same price. I may rant further depending on how much time I have.

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon SoulSilver Randomized Nuzlocke [Part 1]

Since I haven’t fully learned from my mistakes, hey! It’s time for another Nuzlocke. With extra Randomizer action for reasons that are going to be very apparent as I go through this set’s rules.

I’m going to try what this person on the internet calls a Chainlocke, though with slight alterations for the sake of sanity; basic idea is that my catch Types have to be linked. If I catch a Grass/Poison pokemon, my next option has to have one of those in common.

That gets thorny really fast, which I guess is the point, but I’m more about wacky fun than serious challenges. So to make things more entertaining, I will be randomizing every pokemon in the wild, as well as NPC gifts and trades. All the other Trainers keep their original stuff. I get to be special.

So. Rules:

Only the first viable pokemon of each route may be caught.

Gift pokemon are cool to use.

In-game trades are also cool.

‘Viable’ in this case means that they must have a Type in common with the most recent caught pokemon.

The starter will be starting that chain despite not technically being caught by me. Because I feel like it.

Each pokemon must receive a nickname.

If a pokemon faints, it is considered dead. It will go in an appropriately named box in the PC.

In the event of a team wipe, the run will continue with whatever’s left (alive) in the PC.

And that’s about it. Let’s kick it.

No.

I can’t remember if this version does the all-caps for names or not. In any case, this protagonist avatar will take on the name Sunny. Because I am in a warm and welcoming mood, ready to make all the new creatures I encounter my friends.

I love how they have Lyra use the mail system.

Someone has to.

It certainly won’t be anyone playing these games.

Okay, based on how Lyra’s Marill is discussed, human names don’t get the all-caps treatment, but pokemon do. What does this mean for my nicknaming schemes? No idea. The hour is late and I don’t care enough.

-rubs hands together-

Hmmmm.

...

Dude.

Get out.

Hmmmm.

I can’t pick Cyndaquil, because what even is the point if I do that. Sableye I’ve never been so interested in as a true companion. Dewgong is fully evolved, and I hate starting out with that.

However.

I never get to use Dewgong.

Seel is never anywhere convenient.

DEWGONG WELCOME TO THE TEAM!

Shaped like a friend.

I haven’t worked out any particular theme for this run. I can name her whatever I want. I think I shall call her Chance.

Look at how cute she is. She is adorable. Sassy and highly persistent. I declare her perfect. She also knows Headbutt! That matters beyond being a cool move in this version! Much squeeing! She also knows Growl, Signal Beam, and Icy Wind.

My next pokemon will have to be Water or Ice. It will probably be Water, thanks to Water being absurdly common. That’s cool. I like Water pokemon.

And so, without yet being able to catch anything, I head out into the world. Running my obligatory fetch quest for Professor Elm.

Huh, a Smoochum says hello. That’s a good thing to know for later. But what’s in the Headbutt tree?

...A Hoothoot. Sigh. Well, one less thing to worry about when finding pokemon.

Weedle also lurks in the grass.

Yay. Gotta go fast.

Can I buy poke balls yet?

No. Sad face.

The next route has Kricketot. Did I check the similar strength button by accident?

Then suddenly, Grumpig! Okay, sweet. Just a few Buggy coincidences. Gligar is also here.

Literally have never heard of you. You have a boring name. No one should ever copy it ceaselessly for a gag that no one sees any value in.

Hello, a wild challenger approaches! With his super duper Totodile! Headbutt it, Chance. Headbutt it into submission. Good girl.

Uh. There’s not enough room for it.

Perfect.

I love how Silver’s most defining feature is his red hair.

After a short visit home to tell our mom we are far too irresponsible to be trusted with all of the money we’re going to earn from mugging other children, plus a short tutorial on catching things, we can finally get started!

Smoochum is the only thing available in the routes we’ve visited so far, but I haven’t checked out the northern one right outside the starting town yet.

But the walking takes the decision out of my hands! We encounter a level 4 Smoochum, and as per the rules, that is what I have to go for. Lest I kill the route.

...

I killed the Smoochum.

I guess that answers my question about its Typing. Ruh roh. Signal Beam was a mistake. For multiple reasons, now that I’m taking a second to think about it. Whoops. Any game that requires me to think is screwed from the start, honestly.

So now we search for something else to catch.

Route 46? Be nice?

Carvanha! That’s a Water! Can catch!

In theory. It’s broken out of two pokeballs. It’s also level 2, so I don’t think I can risk attacking it.

.I’m going to run out of balls, aren’t I?

I think I have to risk an Icy Wind. I’m on my last poke ball. I don’t really want to leave it purely up to the mood of the RNG.

Chance apparently doesn’t want friends.

She got a critical hit.

Two dead routes! Okay!

Still needing a Water or Ice Type!

Also more Poke Balls!

One of those problems I can fix. As for the other, inb4 the Mystery Egg and whatever I get from Bill are the only other teammates Chance ever has.

We march through the trainers between us and the next town. Certain of nothing but Chance’s ability to murder them all.

Route 31 has an Elekid as the first thing I see and the rules say I can’t catch it. What horrible person came up with this. Seviper and Lopunny are also here. Those I care less about.

Dark Cave? Help? Mayhaps?

A Golbat appears.

Okay.

Before we think too hard on that, I’ve gotta say that I do love how gen 4 does the caves. They are very gorgeously cavernous, and the few times I bother to think about the background art, I enjoy walking through them.

But yeah, is there anything in this cave that is not a Golbat?

Route 31 has a Butterfree.

These are things that do not help me.

The person who usually gives you an Onix for a Bellsprout in whatever this city is (Violet) offers a Corphish for a Kecleon. Things to keep in mind if I ever find a Kecleon. That I can catch.

In no version of this game have I ever done this egg thing. I was unaware there even was an egg thing, since anything that requires me to pick the right word out of the hat of words bores me to tears. Then I started watching too many people play Pokemon games on the internet.

-Googles how to get egg-

So normally, you can get a Mareep, Wooper, or Slugma. In the spirit of the Chainlocke, even though I said gifts were cool, we’ll take the Wooper egg. Vote now on whether or not it’ll actually be a Wooper. I don’t know how to use the Randomizer.

Hm. Iiiiiiinteresting.

Chance, Headbutt some trees on the off chance that a Water pokemon falls out, please.

It’s a Hoothoot.

I get the feeling that the Randomizer settings didn’t care about the pokemon found through Headbutting.

Route 32. Help.

Gligar. That is not help.

Rhydon is not help either. Likewise Torchic.

SQUIRTLE. THAT IS HELP.

...

...

...

Chance.

Why are you getting so many critical hits against your friends. Do you not want friends. Have I raised you to be so antisocial.

-sigh- Route 32 declared dead.

Ruins of Alph? Maybe you have someone Chance likes?

...

Why is Gligar everywhere.

I guess. I will go to the tower. With Chance. Just the two of us.

Plus the Gloom egg, which is looking like a very likely candidate for the only friend Chance will ever have. Besides the Mystery Egg we don’t have yet.

(Also Rock Smash HM get. Yaaaaay.)

Local level 11 Dewgong beats up 3 year-olds.

So many dead Bellsprout.

I haven’t run into any wild pokemon here, yet. Sadness. We will never know which new friend Chance was going to kill next.

SURPRISE!

It’s Medicham.

Chance kills it.

Partially because I can’t catch it anyway, partially because that is just what Chance does. Her sassiness belies her murderous intent.

Flash obtained with little fuss, and time to move on to Falkner. He of the coolest name. Yet another Gym Leader I wanted to be as a child. Even if he uses nothing but birds. Falkner is just the coolest name.

Oh, and it looks like there’s also Roselia in this tower.

I can’t do anything about it, but that’s nice.

I love how each generation of pokemon decides the Gyms need to be more extra.

They’re right and they should say it.

-five seconds later- Well that went by quickly. Good girl, Chance. Your murder spree continues. And our prize? Picking up the Mystery Egg! Which gets to be a genuine mystery for now! Chance! You might have a friend! In pure spite of your best efforts!

Time to spend an hour doing nothing but walking. I normally wouldn’t be so interested in hatching the eggs, but. I would kind of like to have a promise of Chance not being completely alone this entire game.

One down! His name is Cloud! He is... also Sassy (Chance, is this why you let him stay), level 1, and alert to sounds!

!

whatisitwhatisitwhatisitwhatisit

...Wow. Something I actually could have gotten legitimately in this Chainlocke. In theory. In a world where Chance is of slightly different temperament.

Her name shall be Sleet. She is Quiet and likes to run.

Hm.

I remain unsure if I’m going to actually use either of these new friends. The spirit of what I’m going for with this doesn’t really work with me just being handed two random Official Teammates. I might change my mind after a few more routes of things not going well for me, but for now, I think I’ll mostly stick to me and Chance.

..Though before I do..

They’re both level 1. I can be nice and not set them up for death. They can make it to level 5 before we say a cordial farewell. I can grind in this game. I can be nice.

-ten minutes later-

-tfw Ivysaur also lives on Route 32 because Route 32 is starter central-

Niceness done, let’s get on the road.

The road takes us, and our level 17 Dewgong, to Union Cave.

If you squint, this looks like fanart of a sleeping Sandslash.

Will we find the Water or Ice pokemon our team longs for here????

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Uh.

Let me look up the rules for evolving Feebas in this gen. Because Feebas is pure Water. If I can’t evolve it, I’m better off killing it so I have more options available with what I can catch.

...

The internet says I need eight massages from Daisy (Blue’s sister. in Pallet Town.) to max its Beauty so it can evolve.

Chance. just. just do the thing. we all know how this ends.

So dies Union Cave.

Awww, how cute. A Shaymin. Now just one of the many corpses littered at Sunny’s feet. Hariyama is also here. A floor below, it’s the return of Grumpig. Plus Yanmega for the first time. Girafarig.

-SIGH-

Route 33. Do you want to save us?

Weezing.

WHISCASH. GIMME. CHANCE, SWAP OUT AND LET CLOUD HELP.

AT LONG LAST.

WE HAVE.

THE CHAINLOCKE’S FIRST CATCH.

FLUDD, WELCOME TO THE TEAM!

NEXT CATCH?

WATER OR GROUND!

LET’S END IT THERE WHILE THINGS ARE STILL GOOD.

[tinypigeonlord]

Don’t mind me, just have had a lot of thoughts on the new Pokemon game so imma write them down. There’s been a lot of posts and videos on what people wanna see or don’t wanna see in the new game too and I wanna give my own two cents to no one in particular.

So first of all graphics. I hear a lot of shit on that. Personally I don’t really have all that many expectations? Like yeah it’s gonna be a Switch game, the quality could possibly be better than we’ve seen. But also did people look over that ‘game footage not final’? Things may still improve and be further optimized. More than that, I love the artstyle atleast? Everything looks so colorful and vibrant and alive and goooood ;w; It sure got my attention. I can’t wait to see all the new areas on my big tv <3

Pokemon popping up and roaming vs random encounters: On one hand I love how lively everything looks with pokemon showing up in the overworld, on the other hand I love the random encounters? I personally liked hunting down specific pokemon, not knowing what I would encounter. I feel like this is also more fun when you’re doing a Nuzlocke; You can’t ‘cheat’ and select a pokemon from those that are currently roaming with random encounters. Aside from that, people mentioned that the roaming aspect made areas look more vacant instead because a lot of open space is needed for bigger pokemon roaming. And finally, it makes the surprise way more fun if a shiny shows up in a random encounter, instead of roaming between the rest of the ‘mon?

Pokemon following you/walking with you: PLS PLS PLS bring this back and expand on it, for all pokemon. Also the option to select which partymember you want to walk with. That was one thing that bummed me out in HeartGold/SoulSilver. If I wanted to walk with my fave, I also needed to have it in the front of the party and throw it out in battle, even in areas where it was at a disadvantage due to type or level. And sometimes I had a pokemon in front for the sake of progression but I didnt necessarily want to walk with it, but there was no option to turn walking off in HG/SS. I believe they did add these options in Let’s Go Pikachu/Eevee, but I havent played these games so I don’t know for sure what the options are. I kinda also want to have the option to pick whether I will walk with a ride pokemon or actually ride it? Like, it was hella cool that you could ride arcanine, persian, haunter or snorlax, etc. But what if I wanted it to just follow me? :/ What I also want back is the national dex once you completed the main story. Let most of the pokemon which first appear be gen 8, and after you beat the main game, pokemon from other generations show up more and you can catch new pokemon that were previously unavailable. I hated how in SuMo, I couldnt see a pokemon’s national dex number, and couldnt get any data on it if it wasnt native to Alola. 

Also this is gonna sound surprising coming from a shiny hunter, but I want the shiny charm to be a reward for filling the entire national dex again (minus mythicals/events), and make the shiny rate 1/8192 again instead of 1/4091. As much as I love my shinies, I kinda feel like they’re becoming a really common thing and way too easy to obtain? I do like there being methods to find shinies easier, such as Masuda breeding, chain-fishing, SOS-chaining, etc, but make it atleast a little bit harder than it currently is, to make all that effort worth it.

Compatibility with pokebank/the 3DS titles!! I want to transfer all my precious bbies I caught over the years to come join me in the next adventure. That would make it even more awesome if walking pokemon also returns; I can walk with my faves then, not just the pokemon available in Sword/Shield. Also Cloud compatibility. I know Nintendo is afraid of people abusing Cloud to edit save files and I can see them not adding cloud for Pokemon to prevent peeps from somehow cloning or editing pokemons, but on the other hand... Right now, I have ALL my rare, valuable pokemon stored on a Ultra Sun cartridge. Every super rare shiny legendary I spent MONTHS on to encounter, every event pokemon from events that will never happen again, and every pokemon that has nostalgic value to me. If that game cartridge breaks, they’re all gone. If Cloud storage would be a thing for pokemon, I’d have a lot less anxiety about gathering all my babies on a single game with the risk of losing ALL OF THEM. Besides, I pay for online service and cloud, and thusfar havent been able to use the feature for my games :/

And definitely compatibility with pro controller. I really do not like the feel of the joycons, nor the pokeball plus, especially not after playing for a few hours, so I’m really hoping we’ll be able to use the pro controller. Considering we seem to be getting the old battle system back instead of Let’s Go’s, I don’t see why they shouldn’t add pro controller compatibility. Besides, I spent a lot of money on this thing, lemme use it >:v

Customization. The new trainers look absolutely adorable, but being able to make your trainer fit your style more is still great and makes things more personal. On one hand I’d love even more options for customization than in SuMo, on the other hand I fear I will never even get anywhere cause I’ll be spending hours mixing and matching outfits :’D I am not at all fashionable irl, but my characters in games have to look tip top. Most importantly, I want gender-neutral stuff!! As in, the option to wear clothes or hairstyles regardless of the gender you picked at the beginning. Give me a girl and the female pronouns, but the option to get the haircut that the boys get and that flannel he wears. For example.

Minigames! Not everyone is a fan of them, but personally I love things like Contests, PokeAthlon, the Underground, Missions in the Festival Plaza, etc. Especially multiplayer stuff. Give me other stuff to do besides battling. And on that note give me fun multiplayer features; besides trading and battling! The feature where you can call for another trainer in Let’s Go seemed fun to me. Being able to connect with other players and joining them in your game to do stuff together. Like how you can invite people to your town in Animal Crossing, go to the island and take on island challenges from Tortimer.

Story-wise, it would be great to have a big long story, also post-game, which doesn’t end too soon, but with the option to skip cutscenes if you so please, and more importantly, have the freedom to also explore. In Sun/Moon, you were constantly forced to go to a very specific location, everything else was blocked, and you had a cutscene every new area. Like, it was all very linear. I love the older games in that regard, where there is a story, but you figure out yourself how to progress without NPCs constantly telling you where to go and what to do. I always have this issue where after I’m done with the story, I’m kind of... lost on what to do next, so personally I love a long story to keep me busy. Give me a serious threat for the antagonists. Team Skull was lovely and I enjoyed their antics, but I want to feel like I’m saving the Galar region or even bigger, rather than just stomping on some bullies, PETA (Plasma) or fashion disasters (Flare). Also gimme an asshole rival. Lately we’ve had a bunch of precious bbies who must be protected, now bring back a rival who deserves an asswhooping and had it coming. :v As for the new gyms with gym masters instead of leaders, I have no opinion yet. I like the good ol’ themed gyms, I liked the trials. The arena thing looks pretty neat thusfar, but there’s not enough info yet for me to have much of an opinion now. I heard a rumor that this game will also have missions you can do to earn rewards & brownie points, and that would be really cool. I always really love missions in RPGs. I’m just hoping that there will be like, a combination of one-time missions AND daily missions so you don’t run out of things to do eventually after completing a whole list.

I’m also hoping that any potential mythical pokemon will come in the form of missions. The whole serial codes giveaways suck. Just entering a code for some random delivery man to appear in the pokemon center, just casually handing you a super rare mythical pokemon like it’s nothing is just bs. Give me new story, sidequests or missions DLC for a mythical pokemon instead. Like Celebi in Crystal + HG/SS, Mew in Emerald, Shaymin and Darkrai in Platinum, and then expand the missions even more. Pokemon Ranger actually did this really well; you had to go on a mission involving the pokemon before you got it.

Finally, maybe a difficulty setting. People always complain that the games are too easy and that you have to use self-imposed rules such as Nuzlockes to make it remotely challenging. Maybe add a normal or easy mode for young kids just getting into the games, including tutorials such as the trainer school so they can get used to how everything works. Make a harder setting for veterans who like the games to have some challenge but are still in it for the story, and a Very Hard/Ultimate mode for competitive players who know every in and out of the game and are looking for a challenge where you really have to balance your team out and know what you’re doing to progress, and for people who can’t care less about the story elements of the games.

[bigklingy]

Pokemon Generation Thoughts

Since a blog I follow did this, I thought I’d do mine. Gen 1:

Pros: -The one that started it all. -How crazily into it kids at school were. -Gym Leaders were pretty memorable. -For the time, a good twist for the final battle. -Glitches are fun to mess with. -The crit formula based on base speed was actually kind of interesting. Cons: -Incredibly glitchy, to the point where speedrunners keep finding more and more insane ways to break the game. Spawning item balls that are also trainers that are actually wild Pokemon?! Making a sign give you an Eevee?! Beating the game in 0:00?!?! I know these are glitches you’re unlikely to find without intentionally trying, but there are MANY game-breaking ones you’re very likely to encounter by accident. -Very unbalanced battle system. Psychic types are broken, some moves were coded badly and worse than useless (Focus Energy QUARTERED your crit rate), X Accuracy + OHKOs destroys the game, Wrap/Fire Spin etc were extremely annoying. -Most of the Pokemon haven’t aged well stat-wise. Gen 2: Pros: -I liked the Johto region. -Greatly fixed a lot of Gen 1′s gameplay, far less glitches. -Split Special into Special Attack and Special Defense. -Introduced breeding. -Had another entire region for the postgame, with 8 more badges. -Normal trainers have names now! Phone numbers gave them a bit of personality. -You can actually delete HMs now! -You can catch both mascot legendaries regardless of your game. Cons: -Most of the new Pokemon are extremely mediocre or outright terrible, with very few good ones (stat-wise). -IMO, second worst starters in the series. Typhlosion’s stats are directly copied from Charizard, why?? -The “split path” after the 4th badge, where you could get the 5th, 6th and 7th badges in any order, was a good idea in theory but not well implemented. Whichever path you take last ends up horribly underleveled. -Low levels overall, leading to a fairly easy main story. -Kanto is horribly balanced, almost everything is a joke for the point you have access to it. -Until Crystal, phone calls were generic and boring. In all versions though, phone calls get very annoying. -Cross-gen trading is clunky and awkward, you had to manually delete any move that didn’t exist in Gen 1. -Introduced roaming legendaries. Gen 3: Pros: -Nice graphical upgrade. -Abilities, Natures and the revamped EV system add more strategy to battling. -Introduced a new way to play in Double Battles. -The Hoenn region is pretty nice if you ignore the water areas. Some cool new area concepts we haven’t seen before, like deserts and volcanoes. -Significant plot differences between versions now. -Emerald’s Battle Frontier is very fun. Cons: -Loss of compatibility with older versions, meaning that a huge number of old Pokemon weren’t available until Kanto remakes. -Hoenn in general went really crazy with required HM usage. WHY DID THEY MAKE ROCK SMASH AN HM! -Vanilla Ruby/Sapphire have the worst postgame in the entire series by far. (Just a Battle Tower and one roaming legend) Fixed in Emerald and slightly fixed in the remakes. -Team Magma and Aqua were lame and unmemorable. Fixed in the remakes. -Introduction of version-exclusive legendaries. -Champions excluded, Hoenn probably has the worst Elite Four in the series, with incredibly boring, repetitive teams. -Completing the national dex was insanely convoluted, as Pokemon were split up across multiple games and spinoffs. You needed at bare minimum 4 games, a Gamecube and a Gamecube to GBA cable to do it. Gen 4: Pros: -Physical/Special split, increasing the viability of a lot of Pokemon. -Introduced WiFi, making trading MUCH easier. -Expanded the TM list, allowing for more options. -Most of the new Pokemon introduced had good stats and movepools. My favourite new batch of Pokemon. -Gave much-needed evolutions to many mediocre old Pokemon. -The “route split” where you can choose whether to fight Maylene or Wake 3rd, was kind of well-done. -Best starters in the series imo. Cons: -Diamond and Pearl are PAINFULLY SLOW. Both on the field and in battle. Saving takes forever. Surfing is horrendous. Platinum fixed some of this though. -Diamond and Pearl’s regional dex is horrible. Only one Fire type besides the starters, some of the newly-introduced Pokemon aren’t even in the dex! -And they made some very questionable choices to go with it. Protip: if your regional dex only has two Fire type lines, you PROBABLY shouldn’t have a Fire type Elite Four member. -Team Galactic and Cyrus are my least favourite villains by far. Their plot is a giant mess and it’s not paced well. I could go into more detail, of all their encounters before the halfway point, only one has any bearing on their main goal. The rest are just random acts of villainy for no reason. The Grunts don’t even know what the bosses are planning. -Main story is badly paced, HUGE drought between badges 2 and 3 (fixed in Platinum), and the massive level jump between Gym 8 and the Elite 4 forces a ton of grinding right at the very end (also fixed in Platinum) -No random online battling. -GTS is a mess, only trade via online forums or chatrooms. -Worst Safari Zone in the series by far. -The snow routes are awful. Good music though. Gen 5: Pros: -The fresh start the series desperately needed. -A regional dex of all new Pokemon. -Most new Pokemon have VERY good stats. -Main adventure is very balanced overall. Pokemon are available at just the right times, for the most part (Larvesta and Deino are exceptions) -Introduction of exp scaling, making it hard to get too overleveled during the main story and letting you more easily train low-level Pokemon to Lv 50 in the postgame. -HMs, besides one forced use of Cut, are entirely optional. Thank Arceus. -Gym Leaders are decently challenging, and actually do things in the story. -Some of the best storylines and characters in a Pokemon game. -Awesome twist on the formula at the end. -BW2 are full sequels instead of 3rd versions. Add new areas.. -BW2 has the best balance of old vs new in a regional dex, with an almost exactly 50/50 split. Some old Pokemon are given fresh new spins, like Riolu and Eevee being catchable early in the game. -BW2 has probably the best postgame in the series. -PWT is an awesome callback and a pretty fun battle facility. -Battle Facilities in general stopped cheating as much as they used to. -Added Shiny Charm, giving a non-cosmetic reward for completing the Dex. Cons: -Competitive metagame was kind of a mess, Smogon had to make several complex bans to try and keep everything under control. Mostly only applies to Singles though. -Introduced random online battles, but Ragequitting was rampant. -Introduced Triple and Rotation Battles, but were very under-used and barely anyone plays them competitively. -Worst starters in the series imo. -The Unova region is very linear and, at least in BW1, a quarter of it is postgame-only. -BW2′s plot was far more standard for a Pokemon game. -Some of the new Pokemon evolve at painfully high levels, which got bad when they showed up earlier in later games. Gen 6:

Pros: -First full 3D main series game. -I kind of like Kalos as a region. -Added Fairy type, helping nerf Dragons. (Though they might have gone overboard, Fairy is now kind of overpowered) -The starters are pretty good. -Ruby/Sapphire remakes were nice. -Added tons of nice Quality-Of-Life features, especially making breeding and EV training WAY easier and more accessible. -WiFi is amazing, especially the PSS. -A lot of Pokemon available in the dex. -Sycamore is a cool professor. Shame he wasn’t the Champion. -You won’t know it if you use the Exp Share, but basic trainers are actually very challenging, often having smart movesets and strategies, even egg moves. Try a no-exp share run sometime. These are actually among the hardest Pokemon games if you do. -The postgame Looker quest actually has a better story than the main game.

Cons: -Game Freak did a total 180 on their stance with Gen 5, and decided Pokemon would now be all about the old rather than the new. The games began a trend of GF extensively pandering to Genwunners at the expense of actual new stuff. Very few new Pokemon, all of them almost intentionally made rare. It almost felt like GF was ASHAMED of them, and had to hide them from the wrath of the Genwunners. Other pandering included a direct rehash of Viridian Forest, Snorlax, and a forced first encounter with a Pidgey. Not a new Pokemon, a Pidgey. -Worst tutorials in the series. It’s possible to catch a full team of 6... AND THEN BE GIVEN THE CAPTURE TUTORIAL. -Way too many rivals. Tierno and Trevor are barely there, and Calem/Serena feels undeveloped. -Team Flare are my second least-favourite evil team. They shouldn’t have bothered trying to hide Lysandre as the villain, it was so obvious. -Early pacing issues. Big gap between Gyms 1 and 2 (could’ve easily been solved by making Clemont Leader 2), Team Flare plot doesn’t start until pretty late in. -Worst Champion in the entire series. -Most Gym Leaders and all the E4 not named Seibold are jokes. (XY are weird in that on a challenge run, you’ll be steamrolling the bosses but getting destroyed by basic trainers) -THE EXP SHARE IS HORRIFICALLY BROKEN. Have it on all game, and you’ll be overleveling everyone by 20-30. It ruins what would otherwise be a pretty challenging game. -Kalos Route 13 is the worst route in Pokemon history. -THEY BROUGHT BACK SINNOH’S STICKING MUD, WHY?! -Sky Battles and Inverse Battles are really underused for something they spent a lot of effort marketing. Neither can be done in multiplayer. Sky Battles limited to a bunch of one-time trainers, Inverse Battles limited to only one. Neither can be done in multiplayer. -Controversial opinion, but I actually really hate Super Training. The EVs/Time ratio is way too small to be worth it, horde battles are far better. I only use it to finish off the last couple of EVs on a spread. -Mega Evolution is a mixed bag. It makes some weaker Pokemon useful (Beedrill, Kangaskhan, Charizard), but also makes some already good Pokemon even better (Scizor, Metagross, Gengar, Lucario, SALAMENCE). This means a lot of the more interesting Mega options go unused because you can only have one Mega slot. Evidence of not just popularity power, but more Genwunner pandering is on display. I like Charizard and Mewtwo, but I don’t think they needed two Megas. And NO Gen 5 Megas at all, and even after ORAS only one? (And it’s terrible?) -No new non-Uber legendaries, instead re-using, you guessed it, the Gen 1 legendaries. Gen 7:

Pros: -NO MORE HMs, FINALLY! -More new Pokemon than Gen 6. Each new Pokemon is given at least one unique gameplay trait, which is cool. -Alola is a pretty nice region. -Story and characters are great. Not as good as BW but a big step up from XY. -Team Skull are hilarious, playing all the unintentionally funny things about past evil teams for intentional comedy, almost acting as a bit of self-aware parody. -Genwunner pandering is less evident. Yeah only Gen 1 Pokes got Alolan Forms, but most of them needed upgrades anyway. NPCs from all gens get cameos, not just Gen 1 NPCs. -The Big Bad of vanilla Sun/Moon is a great villain. -The Exp Share is actually kind of balanced now, oddly enough. -Some of the trials are great boss fights, even better than most Gyms. -Poke Pelago’s “EV Bake Oven” allows for easy EV training. Cons: -Went back on a lot of Gen 6′s good multiplayer features. Festival Plaza is confusing and terrible. -Removed horde battles, replacing them with the extremely annoying SOS Battles. This also means EV training is a lot harder. Poke Pelago is good, but it’s non-interactive. -The first island is very hand-holdy and takes a while. -Island 3 feels oddly small for how big it’s supposed to be. -Still not THAT many new Pokemon. -Crabrawler and Charjabug’s evolution methods are DUMB, making them useless for the main story despite being catchable early. -USUM ruined Sun/Moon’s Big Bad’s characterization. Overall favourite to least-favourite: Gen 5 Gen 2 Gen 7 Gen 3 Gen 1 Gen 6 Gen 4 (But my favourite for competitive battling)

[the-fauxpas]

five / watermelon granita

uni AU co-written with @ineffably-styles

a story of late nights, unorthodox household plants, and a trip to Vegas that changes everything

“How’s it going, guys?” a new voice sounded, Zayn appearing a few seconds later and taking a seat beside Alexa. “Has anyone tripped yet?”

“Niall landed on his bum about fifteen minutes ago. Kept whining about how he’s probably bruised his tailbone. Personally, I don’t think he’s really cut out to play this game,” Savannah commented, waving a hello at Zayn.

chapter four / story page

“Oh no,” Savannah slumped, spotting Louis and Reyna chatting together by Louis’ car, identical cups of coffee in their hands.

“Crap,” Alexa sighed, hitching her bag higher on her shoulder and biting her lip. Reyna and Louis’ heads snapped up as they approached, a broad smile stretching across Louis’ face.

“Need a lift?” Louis asked once they were close enough, dangling his car keys before them.

“Uh, sure?” Alexa replied, a little confused. Savannah just stood there, squinting over at Reyna as if she was trying to decipher a particularly difficult maths equation.

“Lou’s offered us a ride to uni,” Reyna shrugged, raising an eyebrow at Savannah’s blatant staring. “It’s a peace offering for ruining the movie yesterday,” she explained, narrowing her eyes a little at Louis, who was still grinning like a fool.

“Sure is. Now, chop-chop,” he clapped his hands together. “Don’t wanna be late now do we?”

“Ha!” Reyna scoffed, watching as Louis pulled open the passenger side door for her to climb in. “You’ve never been on time to anything education-related,” she said, moving past him.

“Not true!” he defended, racing over to the driver’s side. “I was usually on time for football games!”

“That’s not exactly education-related,” Savannah piped up, buckling her seatbelt and placing her bag between herself and Lex.

“Plus, you were late to those half the time,” Alexa joined in.

“I thought this was a peace offering,” Louis grumbled, pulling his car out onto the street. “Not a ‘let’s attack Louis’ freefest.”

“You brought this upon yourself,” Reyna shrugged, pulling out her phone. “What class do you guys have this morning?” she asked Savannah and Alexa, twisting a little to face them.

“I’ve got Brain and Behaviour,” Savannah grumbled. “Our lecturer talks at about the speed of light so taking notes is impossible. Plus, there’s someone who sits behind me who eats the noisiest food, I feel like he does it on purpose.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve got Menzies first thing,” Reyna sighed. “If you guys don’t hear from me after that class, it’s safe to say that he’s locked me in the morgue to join the other bodies there.”

“I don’t have class until noon,” Alexa grinned cheerfully.

“I hate you,” Savannah glared at her.

“Yeah but you have a seven hour Renaissance art class later on in the week, so really, who’s the real winner here?” Reyna shot back, high-fiving Savannah as Lex slumped down in her seat.  

“I have a marketing class first thing,” Louis chirped with false cheer. “Not that anyone asked me,” he said, rolling his eyes and chancing a glance at the three of them. “It’s like I’m only good for giving you guys lifts to places and being made fun of.”

“That’s not true, Lou. You’ve also got a pretty sick apartment.”

“You know, if we weren’t already here, I’d throw you out of my car and make you walk the rest of the way,” he shook his head even as a smile fought its way onto his face - he was very proud of his apartment.

“Liar,” Savannah sing-songed as she crawled through the car and out Alexa’s door. She had a thing where, if her passenger side door faced the road, she would crawl over and exit the car through the opposite side.

Neither Louis, Alexa nor Reyna even blinked at her, but a couple students who were passing by sent them some weird looks.

“I can’t believe I’ve come all this way for a class that finishes at eleven. I’ve only got a lecture today and it’s more of an intro to the topic than an actual class. Apparently all we’re doing today is partnering up for some assignment,” Savannah rolled her eyes.

“My condolences to the poor soul who ends up being your partner,” Alexa joked.

“Hey, I’m not that bad!”

“Yeah, ok. Not like you basically traumatised the last girl you were partnered with by literally turning up at her doorstep at 2am one night with an ‘idea you just couldn’t wait to share with her’,” Reyna laughed.

“It was a good idea,” Sav grumbled, hitching her bag higher up on her shoulder as they four of them made their way towards their respective classes. “Why do we have to park so far away?”

“Because, finding parking on campus is near impossible,” Louis explained.

“It's true,” Alexa nodded. “Side streets are your best bet. Usually I just drop Sav off and find a place to park so I can escape her whining about why we have to walk for ten minutes.”

“I don't whine.”

“No, just a healthy level of complaining,” Reyna laughed.

“I like to think so,” Sav grinned brightly. “Is that Harry?” she frowned, leaning forward to try and get a better look at the figure heading towards them.

“Looks it,” Louis shrugged. “Oi! Haz,” he yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth for maximal volume.

“Warn us next time you're gonna yell,” Reyna growled, thumping him on the back harshly.

“Ow, sorry,” Louis apologised sheepishly as Harry hurried his way towards them.

“Morning,” he yawned.

“Long night?” Reyna asked.

“Dad wanted to go over some old cases with me,” he nodded. “Wanted to prepare me for some of the classes I'll be taking.”

“Sucks,” Reyna made a face. “I'm so glad I didn't follow the family business. There’s not really much investment bankers can teach me about the cardiovascular system.”

“Yeah, but you’re studying medicine now, so obviously they’re not going to be disappointed in you,” Harry scoffed.

“True,” Reyna grinned. “Maybe you should’ve done medicine too,” she nudged Harry as they continued walking towards their classes.

“Dad probably would have disowned me.”

“But you literally just said parents wouldn’t be disappointed if you do medicine.”

“No, I said your parents wouldn’t be disappointed in you. I didn’t say anything about my parents,” he joked, although Savannah could tell there was a slight truth to his words.

“So, anyway,” Louis interrupted the two of them. “You’re coming to football practice today right, Harry?” he asked. “Reyna’s said she’ll come for moral support.”

“Stop putting words in my mouth,” Reyna cut in. “I said I might come if I’m not busy.”

“Are you busy?” Louis asked.

“Depends what Sav and Lex are up to.”

“Sav?” Louis looked at her pointedly.

“Probably nothing,” she shrugged.

“Good, then you guys can tag along too,” he nodded decidedly. “See you guys tonight,” he dragged Harry away before Reyna could argue.

“Great,” she muttered. “Come on, Sav.”

“Uh, actually, I’m heading in their direction,” she said apologetically, hurrying to catch up with the boys. “Wait up!” she yelled.

-

“You will be expected to attend all lectures and tutorials within this course. Failure to do so may result in your tutor refusing to acknowledge your final assignment. Now, the first part of this assignment is due back in week four of this semester, and so you will be expected to choose your partners this week to be able to get started on it as soon as possible. Please, choose wisely. No changes will be permitted once the names are written down and my free time is very limited. I’d rather not spend it listening to you bicker about who did what.”

Savannah sighed while her lecturer, a short, plump woman with wispy, grey hair droned on about the importance of the first assignment for the term. The lecture had been forty five minutes of absolute torture and if she had to listen to another minute of this speech, Savannah was sure she was going internally combust… somehow.

It was taking everything she had not to fall asleep and Savannah found herself regretting the decision to skip out on the coffee Alexa had offered to get her before class. Especially when the brown haired boy beside her was sipping leisurely at the cup of coffee sitting on his desk. Every time he picked it up and put it down, the smell would waft over towards her, making her even more grumpier than she already was.

“Remember, this assignment is worth an overall 50% of your final grade so failing is not an option.”

“Just like this class,” Savannah murmured, dropping her head onto her palm as she chewed on the pen she’d found buried in her bag. She had almost drifted off to sleep when a quiet chuckle made her jump.

“Tired?” an amused voice asked from her left. Savannah turned towards the Coffee Boy, narrowing her eyes a little at him.

“What could possibly give you that idea?” she asked sarcastically. “Was it the fact that I was half asleep?” So she wasn’t the most friendly person when she was hungry and tired, sue her. But Coffee Boy didn’t seem to mind, grinning at her as he downed the rest of his coffee while she eyed him enviously.

“I’m Dylan,” he whispered, glancing towards the front of the room where their lecturer was now going over the assignment’s marking criteria.

“Savannah.”

“Nice to meet you, Savannah,” Dylan smiled merrily before the two of them lapsed into silence as the lecturer - Savannah didn’t even know her name if she was being honest - finally stopped talking for more than a couple of seconds as a student asked a question.  

“Someone I know took this unit last year,” a girl sitting towards the front spoke. “He said we had to partner up boy-girl. Is that true?”

“Yes,” their lecturer nodded her affirmation. “I was just getting to that part. As part of this unit, it’s come to the faculty’s understanding that the there is a difference in the physiology of the way the brain works as well as a difference in behaviour between the two genders. And through this assignment we are hoping that this difference will be made prevalent.”

“Bloody fantastic,” Savannah grumbled, scribbling down a few notes as the lecturer made them.

“Not a fan of partnered work?” Dylan asked curiously.

“It’s not that,” she looked over at him thoughtfully. “Just don’t know any of the guys in this class is all.”

“You know me,” he grinned and Savannah saw that as her opening. “Is that your way of asking me if I wanna partner up?” she raised an eyebrow at him. Dylan shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I mean, yeah,” he muttered. “You don’t know anyone and I don’t know anyone. Makes sense we’d partner up, yeah?”

“You better do your share of the coursework,” she tried to glare at him fiercely, but from the small smile on Dylan’s face, it only amused him. After a quick glance at his notes - which were about two pages longer than hers - Savannah felt herself perk up at the prospect of spending the rest of the semester with someone who actually seemed like he cared about his work. She’d promised herself that she was going to try her best this semester, and partnering up with this Dylan guy seemed like a step in the right direction.

After the lecture, the two stood around exchanging details before they parted. As she walked away, Savannah spotted Harry sitting by himself on one of the couches, his head buried between the thickest book she had ever seen, brows furrowed in concentration. Knowing better than to distract him, Savannah walked on, feeling slightly sorry for Harry Styles.

-

“Louis, you owe me about three cheeseburgers for dragging me out here to this godforsaken place to watch you guys kick a football around while not actually scoring any goals,” Reyna grumbled, taking a seat on the bench as Louis swapped his trainers for some cleats.

“Come on Rey, just bask in the gloriousness that is English football. Doesn’t it feel incredible?” Louis said, lacing up his shoes and moving to stand up.

“No,” she grumbled in reply. “It feels like a wet patch on my bum and a field that smells like garbage.”

“You’re such a buzzkill,” he sighed, saluting the three girls before running off to join Harry and Niall on the field. They were a part of the university football team, and were spending the evening getting ready for the first game of the season coming up. If Savannah had known that she was going to be spending the next two hours on a damp seat, she probably wouldn’t have been so okay about going.

Savannah and Alexa sat there silently, trying to follow what was happening with their practice. They started off with laps around the field followed by a couple of drills. By the time they started with their actual practice, Savannah was ready to fall asleep on Alexa’s shoulder. Reyna hadn’t even bothered looking up from her phone since it started, and was now playing Solitaire to kill time.

“Aren’t you supposed to be paying attention to this?” Alexa asked her, effectively pausing her game. “I mean, you’re the reason why we’re here in the first place.”

“Oh please, Louis’ the reason you guys are here. I was forced against my will,” she grumbled, tapping the start button on her game.

“How’s it going, guys?” a new voice sounded, Zayn appearing a few seconds later and taking a seat beside Alexa. “Has anyone tripped yet?”

“Niall landed on his bum about fifteen minutes ago. Kept whining about how he’s probably bruised his tailbone. Personally, I don’t think he’s really cut out to play this game,” Savannah commented, waving a hello at Zayn.

“Sounds like him,” he agreed, nodding his head as he watched the match.

“Why aren’t you playing?” Reyna asked, locking her phone and joining in on the conversation.

“Ah, I did for about two seasons but then my workload at uni kept getting in the way so I had to quit,” he shrugged in reply, not seeming entirely bothered by it. “Good riddance, I’d say. I barely managed to score a goal.”

“Oi! Zayn! Give us a bottle of water!” Harry yelled from across the field. Savannah looked up to find the group slowly making their way back to the benches.

“Get it yourself you muppet, I’m not your bloody waterboy,” Zayn yelled back, but went to retrieve a bottle of water from the cooler anyway. He threw it towards Harry once they were within close range - which he caught deftly - and reached back in to grab another one for Louis and Niall.

“How’d you guys find it?” Niall asked, moving to take a seat between Savannah and Reyna before gulping down half the water bottle in one breath.

“Uh,” Savannah began, watching wide eyed as he downed the rest of the bottle within the next two seconds. They were set to get back out there within the next five minutes and she briefly wondered whether he was worried about getting a stitch or not.

“It was good,” Reyna cut in quickly, not wanting to drag this conversation out for any longer than necessary. She really wasn’t much of a sports fan.

“Come off it,” Louis interjected, opting to take a seat on the grass instead of finding room on the bench. “You were on your phone this entire time, I’m pretty sure you didn’t even glance up once.”

“I did too!” she argued.

“Oh yeah? Which side of the field did we have to shoot a goal in?” he challenged, smirking.

“Left,” she replied coolly, holding his gaze as a means to say that she was not backing down from his challenge.

“Ok, you got that one,” he said. “But I’ll be quizzing you when this is over so you better be paying attention.”

A whistle blew from the distance and all the guys hurriedly got up to return to the field, but not before Louis gave Reyna a look to show that he wasn’t going to forget about their conversation.

“Ok Sav, Lex, keep your eyes peeled,” she commanded them once they were out of earshot. “There’s no chance I’m losing to this.”

Savannah sighed, leaning her head against Alexa as she concentrated on the game in front of her. Five minutes later, she found herself being shaken awake by a glaring Reyna. The sky had darkened considerably and the boys were all gathering their things surrounding them.

“I can’t believe you fell asleep,” she scolded, arms crossed as Savannah blinked the sleep away from her eyes.

“Oh, I did?” she asked, still groggy.

“Yeah, and it cost me 10 quid too,” Reyna sighed, pulling Savannah and Alexa up from the benches. Savannah glared at the empty field, as if expecting an apology for it costing two hours of her life and her dignity.

Harry strode up to them, all sweaty and gross with his bag slung over his shoulder. “How was the nap?” he smirked, bringing a water bottle up to his lips and taking a long gulp.

“Terrible. The only way I’ll come to a practice again is if you kidnap my family and use it as blackmail. Even then I’m not sure I’ll willingly come,” she deadpanned, falling into step with Harry as they followed the others out to the car park.

“Oh lighten up, Simba. A couple of the guys have taken a fancy to you girls, by the way. Proper think we’re the coolest dudes on the team for even knowing you guys,” Harry smirked.

Savannah raised an eyebrow, “Oh really?”

“Yeah,” Harry grinned. “So you’re coming to the game next week, right?”

“Apparently, I have fans. So I’ll definitely be there to sign a few autographs if you want to give your team the heads up,” she grinned while Harry rolled his eyes.

“I’ll see you at uni, Sav,” he chuckled, squeezing her shoulder before sauntering off to his car.  

-

Savannah walked through the entrance to the library, juggling her laptop in one hand, while attempting to hide the greasy bag of hot chips she’d snuck in with her. Reyna - who was manning the front desk - rolled her eyes when she saw her creeping past, struggling to disguise the fast food by hiding it under her sweater. When she realised who was working, Savannah visibly relaxed, the stiff set of her shoulders softening as her whole demeanour changed from ‘innocent student’ to ‘tired student’.

“Thank god,” she breathed. “I feel like I’ve gone for a swim in grease,” she joked, pulling the food out from under her clothes.

Reyna only raised a brow. “You’re not allowed food in the library.”

“I thought you might say that,” she rolled her eyes. “Here.” Savannah pulled out a neatly wrapped burger and chips, placing them on the counter before taking out the bottle of Sprite she’d thrown in her bag. “Happy?”

“Very,” Reyna smiled cheerfully. “You’ve made my day.”

“I hope you realise how sad and boring that makes your life sound,” Savannah warned her.

“Piss off,” Reyna reached over the counter to punch her. “My life is plenty exciting,” she argued, retracting her arm to unwrap her burger.

“Plenty violent more like,” Savannah scowled, rubbing the spot that was now starting to turn slightly red.

“Whatever. How’s the assignment going?” Reyna asked, taking a bite of her burger chewing expectantly.

“It’s not. But Dylan will be here soon, and maybe we can finally start it. Send him over to my secret corner when he gets here will you?” Savannah asked, hitching her bag higher on her shoulder. The weight of the textbooks were now starting to really bother her, and she couldn’t wait to get to her seat.

“I hope you realise how kinky it sounds when you say it like that,” Reyna mocked, brushing some crumbs off the counter. “I hope you have the handcuffs ready.”

Savannah chose not to reply and instead walked away to eat her lunch - and possibly dinner because neither she nor Alexa cooked very often. That was maybe one of the cons of having them both living in the same space - both managed to burn water when cooking and so took to ordering in each night or eating at uni before they headed home to crash. Which meant that there was a significant dent in Savannah’s bank balance, leading her to pick up more shifts at the cafe and therefore significantly reducing her free time.

It had been a week and a half since uni had started which meant that the first part of the assignment was due in less than two weeks. Upon realising that a substantial portion of their assignment was undone, Dylan and Savannah had finally agreed to knock some sense into each other and both swapped their shifts at work in order to schedule a night to meet up.

Dylan appeared as soon as Savannah turned around, a strange expression on his face as he studied the contents of the paper box situated in front of her laptop.

“You know… there are at least 20 calories and 0.8 grams of fat in one single chip,” he chastised, glancing down at the mass of chopped potato on the table.

“Oh no,” Savannah muttered, trying to shield the box of food from his scornful gaze but to no avail.

“Meaning that of the maybe 25 to 30 chips in that box right now, you’d be consuming about five to six hundred calories alone. And don’t start me on that burger…”

“Please don’t start on the burger,” Savannah whined at him, pushing her meal to the side to try and ward off his attack.

“You could go for something so much better like carrot sticks and maybe a tuna sandwich with wholegrain next time. Great for your health and helps you study better too,” he said, pulling off his bag and sitting down next to her. Savannah rolled her eyes. She’d rather eat a burger and risk her health than eat bunny food and study better.

“I’m hearing words coming out of your mouth,” Savannah began, pulling her food back towards her - she really wasn’t going to waste a perfectly good burger. “But none of it seems to be making any sense.”

“Probably because of all those calories that you’re consuming,” Dylan scolded, eyeing the take-out with distaste.

“There you go again,” Sav rolled her eyes. “Speaking words that don’t make any sense,” she glanced down at her food, her gaze resting on the textbook she was using as a makeshift plate. “Just like the words of this assignment,” she sighed.

“Which we really need to get started on,” he nodded, seeming much more determined than Savannah was at the moment. Maybe it was all the bunny food he was consuming.

“Yeah,” she nodded sadly, taking a few final bites of her burger while Dylan unpacked.

“Ok, so for the first question…” his voice was all business as he dived right into the details of the assignment, and unsurprisingly, Savannah felt her attention instantly wane as she continued to pick at her food.

-

“Well, at least that part’s all over,” Dylan tried to reassure the both of them as they made their way out of the library together. After a gruelling four hours of research, they had mutually agreed that it was best to leave the rest of the assignment for the coming week instead of risking eating each other alive. “Besides, we’ve done all the research that we need. We just have to type it all up and I’m pretty sure we can do that over Facetime or something,” he continued.

“That’s comforting, we only have about fifteen pages to type up,” she snorted, hitching her books closer to her chest. “Anyway, it’s getting dark. I better go,” she said forlornly, glancing at the illuminated sign signifying the entrance to the tube.

“You sure we can’t give you a lift? Jess won’t mind,” he offered, eyes darting around for his girlfriend’s car.

“No. No, it’s okay. I don’t live far from the station. I’ll be fine, I don’t want to be a bother,” Savannah argued, turning to leave before he could really change her mind.

“Ok, well get home safe, ok Sav?” Dylan said weakly, spotting a car with it’s headlights on and turning towards it. “Text me when you get there!”

“I will!” she yelled over her shoulder as she power-walked towards the station. The entrance was near - she was only a few metres away from the top of the stairs. Keeping her head down, she snuggled deeper into her jumper and tried to look inconspicuous as she made her way there. The streets at night in London always freaked her out, and for good reason. She was maybe five metres away from the station entrance when a car screeched to a stop right next to her.

Savannah was more than sure she resembled a deer in headlights at that moment. She stood frozen on the side of the curb as a car faced her, two silhouettes barely discernible against the bright light. She knew that she should probably run. Or hide. Or grab a weapon of some sort - though she doubted her jelly pencil case would do much as a weapon, but she just stood there freaking the fuck out because she was an idiot and she wanted to get killed.

Suddenly, the door opened and the driver got out. He was obviously male, his face still hidden in shadows against the bright lights of the headlights piercing her eyes. The figure made a move towards her.

“Stay the hell away from me,” she warned, though her voice was barely a whisper. She took a couple of steps back, hugging her books tighter to her chest. Books! Her textbooks weighed at least one stone apiece, for sure - that was a lie but they were still bloody heavy.

The figure took a couple of steps forward.

“You know what,” Savannah muttered under her breath, fingers tightening around the spine of her Psychopathology textbook. “Sod it.”

And with what resembled a loud gargled shriek, she launched herself at the stranger, textbook swinging wildly into what she thought to be the side of the guy’s head. She backed up, tightened her hold once again on the heavy textbook and launched the book at him from a distance, nailing him in the face. She quickly pulled open the top flap of her satchel to grab one of the lighter books - anything to attack him again - and she almost succeeded in getting her relatively heavy workbook out (anything but the laptop) when the figure held up his arms in defeat, speaking out for the first time since he got out of the car. Or rather, the first time Savannah actually heard him. The ringing in her ears from her panic had just managed to dissipate as the noises around her became clearer.

“Stop it you psycho! What the fuck!?” the voice yelled, sounding slightly familiar.

“Harry?” Savannah asked, doing a double take as she gripped the second book in her hands.

“Yes, I’m Harry you crazy bint! Who did you think I was?!” he exclaimed, one hand covering his cheek as he stepped into the light.

“I thought you were some sleazebag who wanted to kidnap me or something! Who the hell just pulls up next to some unsuspecting girl in the middle of the night like that?!”

“Fuck, remind me to never try to do something nice again,” he muttered, pulling his hand away to see if there had been any major damage.

Suddenly, the passenger door opened, and the second figure in the car all but fell out of his seat, clutching his stomach in laughter.

“Shut the hell up, Zayn!” Harry yelled in the direction of the car, still glaring daggers at Savannah who at least looked a little remorseful.

“That was hilarious, Sav. Please do it again so I can record it,” he managed to say between gasps of laughter. “You know, your war cry was definitely the cherry on top. How does someone so small make a noise so loud?”

Savannah blushed a deep red, head hung in shame as she tried to avoid Harry’s glare. “What the hell were you guys doing here anyway?” she asked Zayn who’d managed to compose himself and was now stood next to Harry.

“We were going to give you a lift home,” he smirked as Harry fumed from beside him. “Which, uh, didn’t really go well, did it?” he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck nervously, shooting quick glances at Harry to see if he was going to get attacked anytime soon.

“No kidding,” Harry spat out. Savannah couldn’t help but laugh at the red welt appearing rapidly on his face - there was no doubt he was going to be sporting a massively bruised cheek the next day.

“Look, Harry,” Savannah started towards him but he pulled back, taking a couple of steps away from her as if she was going to attack him again. “I’m sorry!” She tried to get closer to him once again and this time, he allowed her. Tentatively, she reached up a hand to inspect his cheek in the light. It was definitely swelling rapidly - a lot faster than she thought.

Curiously, she poked it.

“Oh my god, don’t poke it!” he exclaimed, hissing in pain.

“I’m sorry!” she cried again, as Zayn doubled over in laughter once more. “Are you still ok with taking me home?” she asked, suddenly shy.

“Guess I have to now, despite the fact that you’ve just disfigured my face,” Harry sighed, pulling his hand away from his cheek once more and turning back to his car. “Come on, We’re not letting you catch the train alone at this time of night,” he said, gesturing towards the back seat.

“Is he mad at me?” Savannah asked Zayn as she picked up her fallen textbook.

“I have a hunch... considering you just nailed him in the face with a bloody book,” he chuckled. “But he’ll get over it soon. Come on, let’s get you home.”

-

“This is your place?” Zayn asked as they made the way up the stairs towards Alexa’s flat. On the car ride home, Savannah had insisted (albeit annoyingly) that Harry and Zayn come up so that she could get him some ice and some painkillers for the rapidly swelling bruise on his face and he’d grudgingly agreed.

“Yeah, I’ve just moved in with Lex,” she said, unlocking the door and letting the two boys in.

He whistled. “It’s pretty nice,” he said, admiring the cabinets laden with every movie and TV show known to man.

“Savannah? Is that you?” a voice called from down the hallway, followed by a pyjama-clad Alexa in her fluffy slippers. She stopped short when she saw who was accompanying Sav, shooting her best friend a questioning look.

“Honey, I’m home!” Savannah announced with a grin. “And, you know, these two,” she waved towards the boys.

“Hey Zayn,” Alexa greeted, trying to shield her less-than-presentable outfit from their line of sight. “Hey Har- what happened to you?”

From behind Savannah, Harry sighed.

“I hit him in the face with this,” Savannah explained weakly, holding up her textbook for Alexa to see. It was slightly battered and beaten from the events of the night, but still usable nonetheless - which Savannah was endlessly thankful for because that alone had cost her about 100 quid.

“Hold up,” Alexa interrupted. “You’re telling me that you attacked Harry?” she questioned, eyes widening as three heads nodded back in response. Harry began to look slightly smug as Lex’s face dropped, appalled. “And no one filmed it?”

This time it was Harry looking appalled. “That’s it? That’s what you’re going to ask?” he demanded, while Zayn chuckled beside him. “Piss off,” he turned his face to glare at Zayn.

“You know,” Savannah spoke softly, moving towards Harry. “I really don’t think it’s going to be all that bad?” she offered, but it came out as more of a question than anything else. Her finger was, once again, a couple centimetres away from his cheek when he reached over and gripped tightly onto her wrist, making her squeal and jump in surprise. “Sorry!”

“Oh, my god, Simba,” Harry groaned, eyes wide with disbelief. “Were you going to poke it again?”

“I just wanted to see if it still hurt as bad,” she admitted sheepishly, blushing slightly, wrist still held tightly between Harry’s slender fingers. “And don’t call me Simba.”

“I can assure you,” Harry rolled his eyes, releasing her wrist. “It does.”

Savannah bit her lip, her eyes lingering on his cheek as she unconsciously rubbed the wrist Harry had just freed. “Ok,” she said decisively. “Come with me.”

“Wha-” Harry didn’t really have a chance to respond as Savannah dragged him through the flat - almost knocking over a lamp - as they left Alexa and Zayn to awkwardly fend for themselves. “What are you doing?” Harry finally managed, once they came to a halt in front of Savannah’s rather large bathroom.

“Go in and take a seat,” she ordered. “I’ll be right back,” and without giving Harry a chance to argue, she was disappearing back to where they had come from.

-

“Hold still,” Savannah grumbled, tilting Harry’s face so that she could rub the ointment she’d found in the cabinet over his cheek. She remembered when Alexa had tripped and twisted her ankle last Christmas. They’d been out trying to find last minute gifts, when everything had gone horribly wrong. They’d gone to the emergency room where Reyna had been volunteering as part of her coursework (and even though her commitment was over, she’d stayed on because she enjoyed the experience). Reyna had sighed at the sight of them, throwing the stolen medication at them with instructions to tightly wrap the ankle and ice it afterwards.

“I just don’t understand why you’re covering my face in that gunk,” Harry pouted, once again trying to move his face away from Savannah’s fingers.

“Because,” she jerked his face back. “It will help with the swelling.”

“But it’s cold,” Harry mumbled, his pout deepening. “And it smells!”

“Don’t be such a baby,” she laughed lightly. “You’ll be thanking me for this ‘smelly gunk’,” she quoted him, “tomorrow morning when your face doesn’t feel like it’s been hit by a truck.”

“I’d be thanking you more if you hadn’t been the one to put me in this position,” he retorted.

“Potato, potahto,” she shrugged, refusing to rise to the bait. “There,” she exclaimed brightly, finally moving her hands away from his face. “All done. Now put this on,” she handed him a bag of frozen peas.

“Really?” Harry raised a brow in amusement.

Savannah tried not to blush. “We didn’t have an ice pack?” she posed it as more of a question than she’d intended, as she turned back to the sink where she’d set up her supplies.

“Of course you didn’t,” Harry chuckled before tenderly placing the bag against his cheek. “This hurts like a bitch. I expect you to be nice to me for at least a month after this, by the way.”

“I’m always nice to you,” she retorted, gathering the stuff on the counter and placing them neatly back in the bag. “It’s you who shouldn’t test me.”

“That’s no way to speak to the wounded,” he scolded, pressing the pack more firmly on his bruise. “I’m going to be sporting this bruise for a good week, at least. Going to have people ask how I got socked in the face.”

“I suppose you’ll be making up some macho story. Injury-via-textbook doesn’t sound so cool,” she replied, laughing lightly.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll tell them something wild. Like I wrestled a lion or something,” he grinned cheekily.

Savannah snorted, gathering up all the rubbish and dumping it in the bin. “Yeah, because Louis’ definitely going to believe that when he finds out about this.”

“Oh shit, Louis,” Harry’s eyes widened as he thought of his best mate and his tenacity to find things out before they even happened. He quickly pulled out his phone, determined to be the first one to tell him the story.

Savannah left Harry in the bathroom with the peas while she went to pack away the first aid kit back in the cabinet and headed out to Zayn and Alexa who were sat in the kitchen, chatting. They looked up expectantly upon hearing her come into the room.

“How’s the princess?” Zayn asked, smirking.

“Whining like a little bitch,” Savannah grinned, walking over to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water. She had to admit, she felt slightly bad for the inevitable bruise that was going to appear on his face the next day, but the situation was too funny for her not to joke about.

“What’s new, hey?” Zayn laughed, immediately cutting off as Harry entered the space. He eyed the two of them suspiciously, eyes narrowing.

“Ready to leave, Malik?” Harry asked, glancing over at Savannah who stared back questioningly.

“Oh… yeah,” Zayn mumbled, pushing off the counter and walking towards the hallway. Alexa followed him, leaving Savannah and Harry alone once again.

He took a careful step close to her. “Give me your phone,” he demanded, holding his hand out.

Eyebrows raised curiously, Savannah pulled her phone from her back pocket and placed it in Harry’s hands. After a minute, he handed it back to her as his own phone beeped from his pocket.

“You have my number now. Any time you find yourself needing a lift, give me a call, yeah? I don’t want you travelling home alone in the dark.”

To Savannah’s complete and utter surprise, Harry’s cheeks flushed a pale pink, and she couldn’t help but be flattered by the gesture.

“I’m a big girl… I can handle myself,” she retorted half-heartedly.

Harry chuckled, shaking his head slightly, “Trust me, I know,” he gestured to the mark on his face. “But just in case,” he winked.

And with that, he turned around and left the room.

AN: hi guys, sorry we’re a day late on this chapter but we had a long weekend here and if i’m being completely honest, we both forgot about it oops. hopefully the content makes up for it though bc this was definitely one of my favourite chapters to write. as always, we love to hear your thoughts so shoot us a message if you have a spare moment. otherwise, enjoy!! x

[sadrien]

prince of cats

chapter four: my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand

on ao3 || on ffnet 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

hey how is everyone? if you follow me on tumblr, you'll know i wrote like 8k for this fic in one day, and hopefully i'll be doing a lot more writing for it this week, so it looks like posting will be constant all the way through which is pretty nice!

thanks for reading! enjoy~

Marinette pulls her hair up into a messy bun as she makes herself a hot chocolate. It’s almost noon, and she slept far too late, but yesterday was a day. She had sat in Adrien’s kitchen for longer than she had ever imagined, familiarizing herself with the swoop of his hair and the way the corners of his eyes crinkle when he smiles.

And then she had gone over Alya and Nino’s and had screamed about it for almost an hour over dinner.

Marinette glances over to the window by the sink, where the window is cracked open. For some reason, she half expects Plagg to appear, purring and demanding something to eat. If she thought she had it bad before, after spending a few hours with Adrien, it’s infinitely worse.

She is totally and completely screwed.

Marinette takes her hot chocolate and makes herself comfortable on her couch with a sketchbook and some old markers that she needs to use before she can justify spending an outrageous amount of money on new ones. She really should be working on designs for work — the head designer had a theme for a new line that they were throwing around — but she finds herself reverting to old styles that she played around with back in collège and lycée. There’s something familiar and comforting about the draped evening dresses and elegant suits.

Men’s wear is boring and Marinette intends to fix it.

She’s scribbling out a jacket design that she absolutely despises when there’s a knock at her door. She sits back on the couch with a sigh, twisting up her hair and shoving her pencil in it to hold it in place.

She’s surprised to see Adrien standing in her doorway with an awkward smile. “Oh, uh, hi!”

He lifts a hand in greeting. “Hi, I’m here to, um…borrow a cup of sugar?”

Marinette raises an eyebrow. “You…are?”

“I…” Adrien rubs the back of his neck. “Would it be weird that I kind of just needed an excuse to come talk to you again?”

She blinks in surprise.

“I’m not good at this friend thing,” he continues quickly. “I was… I was homeschooled and when I went to university I didn’t really talk to anyone I didn’t already know—” Adrien stops and buries his face in his hands. “I’m just trying to say I have no idea what I’m doing,” he mumbles. His ears are steadily getting pinker and pinker.

It’s almost unbearably cute.

If Marinette hadn’t already been completely sold, she is now.  

“Hey,” she says softly. Adrien looks up from his hands, face red. “I’m not doing anything today. Want to come in for a drink?”

He glances back into the hallway. “Not coffee, right?” he asks, smiling weakly.

Marinette steps to the side so Adrien can get through the doorway. “Coffee is disgusting.”

“You’re disgusting,” Adrien says. He spins in a slow circle, taking in her apartment. “This is nice,” he says softly. “I love your posters.” He motions to a Jagged Stone poster hanging in the center of the wall. It’s surrounded by other posters, ones she’s stolen from events when no one was looking or that Alya or Nino had bought her from the internet.

“Thanks,” Marinette says as she closes her apartment door. “I made it.”

Adrien’s eyes go wide. “You did?!”

She nods. “Back in collège. I entered one a contest where you had to design a poster for one of Jagged Stone’s concerts. The winner got two free tickets.”

“And?”

She smiles smugly. “Watching from the front row was incredible.”

“Wow,” Adrien murmurs. He looks back to the poster. “You’re amazing.”

Marinette ducks her head as she feels her face grow warm. “It was just some work in Photoshop, nothing fancy.” She had spent hours and hours on it, looking up tutorials on YouTube and asking for opinions from everyone she knew. It wasn’t nothing, but she has a million things she would do differently if she could redo it. “Anyway, I don’t have any coffee, but do you want anything to drink? I have milk and hot chocolate and like…water.”

“Water is fine if you don’t mind me invading your Sunday,” Adrien says. Marinette bites her lip as he wanders over to her couch, knowing her sketchbook is sitting open on the cushions.

She waves away her worries — if he hates or judges her for one bad jacket then they probably should stop trying to be friends immediately — and turns toward the kitchen. “I don’t mind,” she promises. “One sec.”

Marinette is pulling a glass out of the cabinet when Adrien calls out to her from the couch.

“Did you draw this?”

She blows air out the corner of her mouth and quickly fills the glass with water. “Yeah,” she says as she walks out of the kitchen. She hands Adrien the glass. “I did mention I was a designer, right?”

Adrien takes the glass from her, a crease between his eyebrows. “Why did you scribble it out?”

Marinette sighs and leans against the back of the couch. “I hate it.”

He frowns.

She reaches down and takes the sketchbook from him. She tilts it in the light, scrunching her nose as she studies it. “It’s too…” She points at the collar. “It’s just not working for me. It’s very…angular? But not…in the right…”

Huh.

“Can I have that pencil?” she asks, holding out her hand. Adrien hands it to her and she flips to a new page. “Give me like…less than…a minute…” she murmurs, scratching a new jacket on the page. It’s similar to the other one, but with better proportions, angles in different areas, a collar that isn’t so horrible.

She can feel Adrien’s eyes on her.

“You didn’t come here to watch me draw,” Marinette says when she’s got a basic sketch down. The most basic she can get, barely more than an outline. She tucks her hair behind her ear and looks up to see Adrien watching the paper intently.

“I don’t mind,” he answers almost automatically.

Marinette stares at him for a long moment. She tries not to get too lost in his eyes — she is, in fact, trying to read him and make a point right now — but it’s a challenge. “You said you came here for sugar,” she says eventually.

Adrien shrugs. “I needed an excuse. And I don’t have any sugar, so I figured that I might as well try that cliché.”

She furrows her eyebrows. “You…actually don’t have sugar. You drink your coffee black?”  He nods and she grimaces. “First of all, that’s disgusting. Second of all, what do you do when it’s two in the morning and, like any real adult, want a mug brownie?”

Adrien blinks slowly, mouthing the words back to her. “Mug brownie?” he asks when his brain has apparently decided to work again.

Marinette puts down her pencil. “You’re kidding, right?” She takes in his slightly dazed and incredibly confused expression. “You aren’t kidding.” She gives herself half a second to consider before she closes her sketchbook. “Come on,” she says, motioning toward the kitchen.

“What are we doing?” Adrien asks, trailing after her.

“I have to teach you how to adult.”

✦ ✦ ✦

“If you’ve got random chocolate chips laying around,” Marinette says, “this is where you’d throw them in.”

Adrien frowns at the chocolate bar she’s handed him. “This is a chocolate bar.”

“Yes,” she agrees. “It is.”

“What do I do with a chocolate bar?”

Marinette rolls her eyes. “You are so lucky you have me, because you’re hopeless. How have you lived on your own for…how long again?”

Adrien laughs awkwardly. “I get it. What do I do with the chocolate bar, oh All-Knowing One?”

“Watch this.” She unwraps the chocolate bar and puts it down on the cutting board she always has out on her counter just in case. She pulls a knife from the drawer and starts chopping up the chocolate bar. “It’s magic. Almost like chocolate chips and chocolate bars are made of the same thing.”

Adrien crosses his arm across his chest and leans back against the counter. “Okay, I probably should’ve been able to figure that out myself.”

Marinette gives him a pointed look. “You think?”

“Why do you add more chocolate anyway?” he asks. “You said it was optional.”

“Why wouldn’t you want more chocolate?” she counters. “Also, it’s fudgier.”

Adrien hums. “You just have this memorized?”

Marinette nods as as she splits the chopped up chocolate in half and puts some in each mug. “Eventually you just know that you need two tablespoons of cocoa powder, because it’s three in the morning, you’ve been prepping for finals since noon, and looking at a screen for the directions is too painful. Memorization is inevitable. Besides, how else are you supposed to get through university?”

“Uh… Willpower?” Adrien suggests.

Marinette makes a face. “I’ll stick to my double chocolate chip cookies, thanks.”

“You know to make double chocolate chip cookies?” he asks in surprise.

“How are you alive?”

✦ ✦ ✦

As the mug brownies cook in the microwave, Marinette teaches Adrien how to make chocolate chip cookies. Not exactly her original plan for her Sunday, but it means spending more time with Adrien. Also, Alya and Nino will never complain about cookies.

She tries to keep the conversation flowing as they measure out ingredients and mix them together in a large glass bowl. Adrien is twenty four, just like she is, and moved to Paris a few months ago. He never really wanted to go into business, but he doesn’t know what he would’ve gone into if his father hadn’t offered him a job. He did like physics when he took it and he goes off on a ten minute tangent about gravitational waves.

When Adrien is passionate about something, he lights up like the sun. His eyes sparkle and he gestures with his hands, brandishing the spoon in the air. He talks quickly, backtracking and making asides and random commentary the entire time.

Marinette finds herself turning away to hide her smile an awful lot.  

He asks her about designing and she somehow finds herself offering to show him some old designs sometime. He says he once could make a pillow. She laughs and says that she started out with a lumpy pillow that looked more like a very sad ball.

When the cookies are in the oven, the take their mug brownies and curl up on the couch in the living room.

Marinette flips on the TV and then looks over to Adrien. “What kind of movies do you like?”

Adrien pokes at the steaming brownie with his fork. “Honestly, anything. I’ll watch anything from bad Hallmark movies to action movies to Disney classics to comedies.”

She hums as she opens Netflix.

“What about you?”

“Whatever can act as background work while I design,” she admits. “I like to multitask.”

“That’s a good one,” Adrien says, pointing his fork at the screen.

Marinette stops on the movie he’s pointing to. “Anastasia?”

He nods. “Have you seen it?” She shakes her head. “Oh man, it’s a classic. Up there with Disney movies.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Really? What’s it about?”

“It’s a musical—”

Marinette scrunches up her nose.

“Hey, don’t make that face! Musicals are great!”

“Not usually my cup of tea,” she says with a shrug.

“Give it a chance,” Adrien pleads. “It’s about the lost daughter of the last Russian Tzar, but she doesn’t remember who she is. She’s just trying to find her family in Paris, she doesn’t realize she’s royalty.”

Marinette takes one look at his pleading eyes before she sighs and gives in. “I’ll give it a try,” she says, and hits play.

It’s worth it to see Adrien smile.

[concussed-to-pieces]

Downright Neighborly; Part Two

Fandom: WWE/TNA

Pairing: Jeff Hardy/Female Reader

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Thirst Party Saturday Crew, welcome aboard our jaunty ship once again! Tagging our usual suspects, the Prince Of Badasses @toxiicpop, Strowman's Maestro @hardcorewwetrash and the All-Seeing Polaris @oraclegazes!

(Also I apologize, but due to my laptop losing its mind every time I try to tag people I'm going to abandon the 'new tagees' list. I am so sorry everyone! D: ) Enjoy!

[TRIGGER WARNING!: For occasionally vivid descriptions of unspecified eating disorder(s) and brief allusions to drug usage.]

You supposed you could have been a little less surprised when you woke up to nothing but a note and an empty house. You ended up staying in bed most of the day, staring at the ceiling and berating yourself not only for the crying (which you couldn’t seem to stop), but for thinking that he would actually stay. Nobody ever stayed, that just wasn’t how things were in your world.

You were all alone out here for a reason.

The next few days were difficult. Calling in to work wasn’t really an option. Everything seemed to remind you of that…well. You kept thinking that you heard him, or caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of your eye. But it was just your imagination, wishful thinking.

So you rotated the fruit and swallowed your tears, and if you were a little quieter, well, that was allowed in this instance.

Just go to work, do the work, come home, go to sleep. Repeat.

You started asking for more hours. The silence of the woods around your house felt like it was crushing you on your days off so you decided that less days off were the solution. The passage of time was marked by the quiet ding of the microwave; your garden wasted away outside while you sat in the kitchen with the blinds down.

You had nightmares about Crazzy Steve suffocating you, filthy fingers pressed over your nose and mouth, about Rosemary beating your head in on the front steps with a loose brick.

And that was the worst part, waking up in a cold sweat, chest pitching for breath as you shivered and tried not to cry because you were sick of crying and no one, no one was there to comfort you.

...

When you heard the lawnmower start up one morning you thought you were still dreaming. You pulled yourself out of bed and got dressed. Movements slow and creaky like a sleepwalker, you trudged down your front steps and out into the woods.

The woods that you'd dragged Jeff through by the back of his pants, the woods you'd run through to get to safety. It felt like another lifetime ago.

You hated how your heart fell when you realized it was just Señor Benjamin, the old man offering you a friendly wave from atop the machine when he spotted you. He started making an (incredibly slow) beeline across the lawn towards you. The grass was almost mid-shin height.

“Hola, neighbor! The Hardys aren’t around at the moment, would you like to leave a message?” He asked after he’d stopped the mower blades.

You shook your head. “I was just…I mean, do you know when they’ll be back?”

“Ah, they did not give me a specific date. Mister Hardy said sometime this spring. So I will carry on managing the grounds until they get back from their Expedition.” Benjamin’s words made your heart sink and you were barely able to nod in reply.

Spring.

Who the hell just upped skirts and left these days? You huffed out an angry breath as you stalked back to your house. The anger was a welcome change from the usual misery that seemed to hang over you like a rain cloud; you embraced the hot emotion gladly. You threw open your front door and glared accusingly at the trashcan that overflowed with microwave meal packaging, the sink full of dirty silverware.

I’m alone out here for a reason and no stupid boy with stupid tattoos is going to change that shit.

You were exhausted once you were done cleaning your house, but it wasn’t the achy exhaustion of depression that had grown so familiar in the past weeks. It was the exhaustion of a hard day’s work, the kind that left you bone-tired but absolutely satisfied with what you’d accomplished. With a mental promise to fix your garden back up tomorrow, you fell into bed and slept well for the first time since Jeff had left.

Keeping occupied was obviously the best course of action when it came to staving off the sadness that threatened to swallow you whole. You fixed up your garden and filled your kitchen with garlands of drying herbs, picked more jars for preserves and kept your longer shifts in the grocery store, tried to remember to eat.

Señor Benjamin stopped in at the store sometimes for essentials, and sometimes just to talk. You imagined upkeep on the somewhat massive Hardy estate couldn’t be easy for one man to handle, but he seemed to do fine on his own.

“It is…much less exciting without the boys around.” He mentioned one afternoon, smiling in a way that indicated he was perfectly fine with that.

The days grew shorter and the chilly weather set in. Having finally saved up enough to justify the purchase, you got internet for your home usage and proceeded to look up tutorials on growing plants indoors during the less temperate months. You were determined to keep the sadness at bay even through the cold and rain of winter, doing your best to stay out of the rut of remembering, doing your best to eat.

It was hard to take baths. You felt like your ribs poked out more when you laid down, like your hipbones jutted too far. Plus, that night flooded back into your brain every time you did, and you hated crying for stupid reasons. Jeff limping into the bathroom and holding his side, the wounds on his back--

You were better off showering. It didn’t take up so much time.

You were doing fine. It didn’t hurt anymore. You forgot to eat sometimes and most days it was a struggle to get out of bed but you were fine and it didn't hurt anymore.

…

“You've grown thinner.”

You had been dreading the holidays (while denying up and down that you were dreading them). But this shit kind of made spending Christmas Eve alone pale in comparison.

Willow had the audacity to just…sit at your kitchen table. With an ornate, black and white cup of what appeared to be tea held delicately with gloved fingers. They tilted their head when you walked in the door, but besides that they gave no indication that anything about this situation was odd. You, on the other hand, were more than flustered. The last time you’d seen them, they were a bit more…lively.

“Well, sit down already. Can I get you a cup? It’s orange pekoe.” Willow said impatiently after you stood in the doorway for several minutes, mentally debating on whether you should flee screaming into the cold, dark woods or whether you should grab some religious artifact and start fucking rebuking the black-cloaked being currently residing in your kitchen. There was, however, a decidedly more civil air to them versus your last encounter. No afterimages in the corners of your vision, barely any echo in your head from their voice.

“I uh…you’re not going to eat me?” You asked hesitantly. You could have sworn that tea set was not there a second ago.

They smirked. “Do you really think I would tell you? But no, if it makes you feel better, I’m not here to eat you. I’m not allowed to touch you, if you recall.” You cringed at the memory and you could have sworn Willow looked apologetic for a split second. It was gone just as quick, turned back into a neutral expression. “Sit down.” You stripped off your wet jacket and hung it beside the door, kicked off your boots and gingerly sat down across from Willow. They gestured up at the ceiling festooned with tinsel. “You have been keeping busy.”

You weren't sure why, but their tone struck you as almost...accusatory. White-blue eyes were narrowed at you. When the hell had doing what you wanted become something that would annoy some...well, whatever Willow was? “I'm sorry, why are you here?” You bristled in irritation. The day had been long and busy, you hadn't been looking forward to your lonely evening but if supernatural harassment was the alternative...

You weren't exactly Ebeneezer fucking Scrooge, and the creature across from you sure as hell wasn't Jacob Marley.

“I am here because I was told to be here.” Willow shrugged. “You have been calling me, you keep talking about not wanting to be alone on Christmas.”

“I did no such thi-”

“You do not have to say things out loud for me to hear them.” Willow interrupted your retort sharply. “Your thoughts pull me. I have no choice but to listen. To...obey, as I do with him.” You flinched at the indirect mention of Jeff and Willow cocked their head. “Ah. There is still something in your rib cage for him. You certainly do spend a lot of time adamantly not thinking about him. Which is still considered thinking about him, I should add.”

You stood up so suddenly your chair tipped over behind you. Willow had the grace to appear a little startled. “Get. Out.” You hissed after storming around the table and grabbing them by the front of their robe. “Get the hell out of my house.”

“You...are very like him, in a way.” Willow's smirk was back. “Alone, but bad at being alone. You scream for companionship in your mind but you say you do not want it with your mouth. How do you think he found me? Being the quiet child is such a lonely existence.”

“I don't...” Your grip slacked off and you took a deep breath. “I don't...I don't need anyone. I've been doing alright.”

Willow snorted. “So stubborn.”

“There's nothing I can do about it!” You burst out. “He left me, okay, freak show? Obviously I wasn't enough of a draw to get him to stick around just until I fucking woke up! Maybe he could have explained...maybe I could have...look, I've spent so much time thinking about this. You don't tell someone you care about them and then react favorably when they slink out on you the next morning, that's not how this crap works!”

“This plan has been in his mind for months. Meeting you changed nothing when it came to that. And yet, everything else has changed. He does not waste physically, but his own ribcage aches. His timing is, as always, impeccably terrible.” Willow's mouth twisted into a frown. “Not to mention his handwriting.”

A hysterical little snicker fought free at how indignant they sounded. You righted your chair and sat back down, putting your head in your hands. “I've been trying so hard. The first couple weeks, all I wanted to do was sit around and cry and feel sorry for myself.” You confessed through your fingers, not really sure why. “But I got up, I did. Every day. I got up and I went to work and I tried to forget that idiot and his stupid fucking brother and their stupid fucking fights and violins and...” You trailed off, swallowing back your tears.

“Nothing has worked. Your body is waning. Your mind is an absolute mess.” Willow's words were unflinchingly honest. “You are alone and it hurts you much more than you thought it would because you care for someone.”

“'Cared'. Past tense.” You corrected bitterly. “I'm done with that.”

“You are a terrible liar.”

“I don't remember asking, freak show.”

“Your empty ribcage misses him.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I was there, you know. I am always here and there, though we are separate sometimes.” Willow's tone was conversational as they refilled their teacup. “After you coupled like needy animals, he laid his head on your chest and told you he didn't want to forget. And you stroked his hair like he was a child, held him to your breast. He drank deeply from you and gave you every tiny bit of messy, haphazard emotion he could muster up in exchange for your comfort.” Willow paused, taking a sip from their cup. “He is not one to prattle. He believes in actions; your coupling was him saying what he could not bring himself to say.”

“P-Please stop, I...” You had lost your battle with tears but mercy seemed foreign to Willow.

“I watched him write his ridiculous letter, agonizing over what to say without speaking in that funny way that all humans do. It is an archaic form of communication, though it seems to encourage honesty.” They rolled their eyes. “Many problems of your kind could be solved by simply speaking to one another, but where is the poetry in that?” Willow cleared their throat, folding their gloved hands beside their teacup. “I am here because you called me. I am not here to scold. I am here to say what needs to be said before you do something that would be detrimental to your health.”

Your head snapped up and you glanced at the being across from you with a fair amount of trepidation.

Willow fixed you with a stern look. “Yes, I am aware. He has promised to return, so he will. And if only for my own entertainment, I expect you to meet him head on and make him regret leaving at all. Which you cannot do languishing away in your lonely castle with your precious vegetables.”

“What the hell am I supposed to do?” You asked plainly, wiping your nose on your sleeve.

“Care for yourself as you see fit. But...do it better.” Willow replied. “You must present a vengeful lioness, not a floundering gazelle.” They stood, and the tea set was abruptly gone. “I will take my leave, 'get back behind my line', as he would say. I have thoroughly enjoyed this visit. Even though I did not eat you.” Their tone was playful but still sent shivers down your spine. You got up from your chair by force of habit to open the door and Willow waved you off. “I saw myself in, I can see myself out. If anything happens, all you have to do is call. Oh.” They paused in the doorway, tugging on the corner of their mask as if they were doffing a cap. “And merry Christmas, Ebeneezer.”

…

It was mid-January when you started to show real signs of neglect. You personally had known for months but having actual proof was...it was difficult.

Vengeful lioness, my ass. You thought ruefully as you stood in front of your bedroom mirror, turning this way and that. It wasn't incredibly pronounced yet, but you knew it was only a matter of weeks before your weight would drop beyond hiding in baggy clothes. This was legitimately terrifying, all the negative emotions twisted up in a knot in your sternum. You couldn't help thinking of that Alien movie, where the creature burst out of the human's chest to the abject horror of the audience.

This wasn't science fiction, however. Granted, you had struggled with your weight before, but you had been much younger. It had been easier to bounce back then. Now you weren't so sure.

You sat down on the bed, staring at your hands for a while. What if he doesn't want me? Can I even do this on my own anymore? That was your biggest fear. If you tried to be careful for this whole time, tried to keep yourself healthy instead of giving in to the little voice that told you to stay in bed, told you that you weren't hungry, only to have Jeff react poorly...

“Never want to forget how you feel, never want to forget you, darlin'.”

You straightened up. He'd said over and over in his letter that he didn't want to forget. He'd said that he would come back. He didn't know about this side of me. He doesn't know anything about me. You frowned. Never mind what people around here will say if I start showing up to work looking like a fucking skeleton.

You got up and walked down the hallway to the kitchen. All this sitting around thinking wasn't doing you any good, not when there were seedlings to water, and you still needed to eat lunch. You stared out the window over the sink as you carefully spritzed the tiny plants in equally tiny trays. It was still cold and rainy out, but the fog was promising. The ground was warming up.

Spring.

One thing was for certain, once Jeff and his kin returned all hell was bound to break loose and you were not looking forward to it in the slightest.

…

March came and you walked on eggshells for half the month before deciding that it just wasn't fucking worth it. He would show up when he would (if he did at all) and no amount of tiptoeing or overthinking was going to change that.

You slipped into a sort of...resigned state. Not so much a depression this time, but a coming to terms with the fact that you were almost definitely on your own here. You knew you could be in much worse shape, yes, you forced yourself to eat most days but...it could always be worse.

Five and a half months, almost six. You devoured all the information you could get your hands on, the digital copy of The Year-Round Vegetable Gardener residing happily on your phone to be pulled up during lunch breaks or for cross-referencing with The Edible Garden. Not for the first time you mourned your lack of nearby relatives, as you had no one to really bounce garden ideas off of. No sage wisdom from aunts or uncles, no cautionary tales from grandparents. You really were alone here.

It was...crushing sometimes. The weight of loneliness back on you all of a sudden just because you'd cared, because you'd been lonely and you believed some pretty promises of never forgetting (admittedly, you still wanted to believe them). You tried not to think about it too much, though. Your bed had been made, you and Jeff fell into it and now, with or without him, you were carrying on. If anything, you were impressed with yourself, with how far you'd gotten even as entangled as you were in your habits. I can do this.

Every day you got out of bed was another day you succeeded in trying, every day you took your vitamins, ate some breakfast and did your stretches was another positive step forward. And every day it seemed to become easier to do. No hair falling out, no dental problems (yet, fingers crossed on that one).

You were determined to live for yourself and, more importantly, your garden, as March drew to a close. Seedlings had grown into tough little plants and you rose extra early on the second of April to start the process of getting everything in the ground.

You had a new pair of work gloves, gifted to you by Señor Benjamin once he noticed your drop in weight, the older man stating firmly that, “you shouldn't be playing around in the dirt without gloves, think of your health!” His protective tendencies were more kindly than belittling, and he always had so many questions about how are you doing, have you eaten today? when he came to visit the store. It was heartwarming and oftentimes those conversations were the highlight of your day.

You pulled on your high boots, tugged on your new gloves and brought a baseball cap outside for added protection. You'd heard that anemic or underfed people could get sunburned easier. You'd heard nearly everything at this point, you felt.

You were relatively comfortable. The weather wasn't too hot yet, the long-sleeved shirt you'd put on was over-sized enough to allow you to move freely and you'd rolled up the legs of your leggings to the knees. They'd been getting a lot of use these days, seeing as how they were one of the few pairs of pants you owned that would still fit decently on your thinner hips. You rubbed the chilled skin of your stomach beneath your shirt absently as you marked where you would put things in the garden on your layout.

You were so focused you didn't hear the whine of the drone until it was practically on top of you. You watched it go zipping over your garden and all your nerves came flooding back in a tidal wave of fear. Vengeful lioness, c'mon! You scolded yourself, slowly getting to your feet. You debated momentarily on just going inside, locking the door and hiding away for the next couple of...forever. You could definitely live in the dark by yourself. It was probably a lot simpler than all those horror films made it out to be, right? And you'd never go back outside, ever, especially if--

“Darlin'?” You squared your shoulders, hands clenching tight at your sides. Behind you, you heard Jeff clear his throat. “I...darlin', can you turn around?”

“Don't call me that.” Every ounce the angry predator. Willow must be thrilled.

“A-Alright. I won't. I'm sorry.” He apologized, sounding shaken. “God, I know you're pissed with me but it's good to hear your voice.” Jeff swallowed hard. “I told you when I came back I'd fuckin' scoop you up, hold you tight even if you hate me. I know I deserve ya' vitriol but I sure as shit don't deserve to touch you, an' I'm here now so hit me with whatever you've got. I ain't goin' anywhere.”

“Yeah? Well maybe I am.” You snapped, still not bothering to face him. You knew if you turned around you would probably start bawling. You pretended to be studying your layout chart. “What makes you feel so entitled to my time, Jeff? Last I checked, you're the one that left.”

“We had to put Decay in the ground for the final time. We had to go on...well, like I said, a pilgrimage. I had a lot of things to fuckin’ appease before I could fix Matt. But I did it, he and I both did it. He's whole again, whole as he was before. I don't have the guilt of almost destroying his family hangin' over my head like the sword a' Damocles, and I'm...Christ, I'm so sorry. Please, please turn around so I can talk to you.”

You shook your head. There was a dull 'thud' behind you that made you flinch.

“Please, I'm fuckin' beggin', I don't care if you holler at me until you're blue in the face and I'm deaf as a post, please d...please.” Jeff implored. “It took me two fuckin' seconds to realize that I was going to be miserable without you, watchin' Reb an' Matt with Maxel and just achin' on the inside because maybe, maybe if I hadn't been such a jackass in the first place and busted Matt's head I might have had the chance to be happy with you. But I ruined everythin' for myself by bein' an arrogant asshole, wreckin' Matt and I hurt you. I can't even tell which one is fuckin' worse.”

You clenched your hands even tighter around the sheet of paper you held, threatening to rip it. “You could have woken me up.” You said softly.

“I wouldn't have left then. I barely managed to when you were asleep. I kept askin' myself whether my happiness was worth Matt's family bein' fucked up forever and that would ground me but then I'd look back at you and I'd just...” Jeff's voice trembled. “I...It was the hardest fuckin' thing in the world to leave you, I promise that. But I had to do right by my brother.”

“Why should I believe you?”

“I-I can ask Reb or Matt to come over, you ain't gotta' take my word for it this time. Shit, I can even start from the beginning and explain everything, if you want to hear it.”

“Comforting.”

“Please, darlin', I--”

“I said, don't call me that!” You yelled, thoroughly fed up with the bullshit. You angrily turned on your heel, already in the process of gathering up more choice words to unleash.

Jeff was kneeling with his head bowed and his hands in his lap, looking like a man brought before the guillotine. Your words caught in your throat as you watched his shoulders shudder violently with near-silent sobs and mumbles of, “sorry, so fuckin' sorry”.

Vengeful lioness.

“Look at me, Jeff.” You demanded once you were sure your voice would stay steady.

He glanced up quickly, looked down, and then...slowly his head came back up, so slowly. You bit your lip as blue eyes full of tears mapped your face, as his mouth opened. “I--”

“Is it everything you'd ever fucking dreamed of?” You cut him off. “Everything you ever hoped for, Jeff?”

“I...don't understand.” Jeff said hesitantly.

“Get up and come over here.” You ordered. He bolted to his feet, almost tripping over himself in his haste to obey. He spread his arms for a hug but you shook your head, taking one of his hands by the wrist instead. You lowered it to your baggy shirt and...

Jeff flinched back after feeling the sharp jut of your hip through the fabric.

Well. That was definitely a less than favorable reaction.

His whole body had gone tight; you could feel the uneasy shift of tendons in his wrist before you dropped his hand. “Why?” He asked finally, and he had the gall to sound hurt.

Jeff was reeling almost before you even realized you'd punched him in the jaw, your knuckles and wrist alight with pain from the sudden blow. You were pretty sure you'd never been this outraged in your entire life. “You abandoned me, Hardy, what the fuck do you mean, ‘why'?!” You cried.

The look on his face directly after you'd decked him was priceless, but the look he sported now put it to shame. It was confusion, mixed with something that could definitely be described as sadness. You didn't get very long to admire your handiwork though as you found yourself embraced fiercely.

You squirmed in the tiny amount of room you had, doing your best to beat your fists against his chest. “I hate you! I hate you for leaving and I hate myself for letting this happen and I hate you for looking at me like that, I hate you!” You broke down crying even while you were still ranting about hating him, breath hitching as you sobbed into his shirt.

“Oh Jesus, oh fuckin' Jesus, no, shh.” Jeff didn't seem to notice your pitiful attempts to continue kicking his ass, cupping the back of your head and cradling you to his chest. “You're thin as a fuckin' rail, you're gonna' make yourself sick if you keep cryin', please, please.” He tried to calm you as best as he could, his own voice wavering. “I'm never leaving you again, hear me? I came over here to beg your forgiveness. I'm still beggin' but shit, let me take care of you. If not me, at least let Reb or Matt. Feel like you're goin' t' pieces in my arms.”

You shook your head, still furious. “Would s-serve you right if I d-did.” You hiccuped. All Jeff did was hold you even tighter and stroke your hair. “Serve you right if I just disappeared.”

“No, don’t say that kinda’ shit. I need you. Jesus, I need you like I ain’t never needed anybody else before. Let me help you.” Jeff pleaded, pressing his forehead to your own. “Let me help. I’ll get you healthy again in no time, I promise.” He took a deep breath. “Matt an’ Reb…they know I left you. They know and they know why I did it and Matt still threatened to kick my ass. He called me a coward, a liar, everythin’ under the sun. A total punkass for abandoning you after…after everything.”

You snorted, trying to pull away again.

“Reb said you’d be traumatized and that she was disappointed in me.” That got your attention. “I hadn’t thought about it beyond worrying if you would be sad or angry with me. You were so strong when you dealt with Matt and when you stood up to Rosemary, I-I assumed you wouldn’t really...uh…well, I figured you would just be angry and ready to kick my ass when I came back. I ain't never been the smarter Hardy.”

“You didn’t think I would get depressed and turn into a fucking skeleton, now did you?” You asked bitterly. “No, you were worried about me being 'sad' or 'angry'. At least, until Reby yelled at you. Funny how that works.”

“I’m an idiot. I’ve admitted that more times than I can count during the last few months. I’m an idiot and a terrible person for leavin’, I’m an idiot for hurtin’ my brother, I’m an idiot and a bastard for havin’ sex with you and telling you I didn’t want to forget you an’ then just. Hiein’ off to parts unfuckingknown with my shattered brother.” Jeff said quietly. “Knowing you cared about me, though…shit, sometimes that was the only thing that pulled me back up off the ground durin’ this whole thing. Knowing that you care, or at least you did before I left, an’ hoping you’d be waitin’ to kick the shit out of me for bein’ dumb enough to leave you when I came back. Fixing my brother via trial by combat ain’t the easiest shit I’ve done, but I wouldn’t change a thing about all the fights.” Jeff tapped the side of his head. “Now he and I are whole again. No more Brother Nero, no more deleting me or setting me on fire or kicking the shit outta’ each other.”

“What makes you think I care?”

“You’re still here in my arms, ain’t you?” You shoved against his chest as hard as you could and all it did was make him shift a step. “Jesus, please tell me you’re fuckin’ around.”

“I’ve lost a lot of weight in a relatively unhealthy fashion. Muscle mass kind of goes hand in hand with that.” You pointed out. You didn’t expect him to look so destroyed. “What?”

“You coulda’ died. Could have wasted away and fuckin’ died while I was off doing this. You’re so fucking strong and I almost killed you. Christ.” Jeff muttered, almost like he was talking to himself. “You threw hands at fuckin’ Rosemary like it wasn’t anything, like she wasn’t the bitch that spits acid and my dumb ass almost did you in. I…I’m so sorry I put you through this.” He cupped your face, turning it gently to the side. “Fuck, fuck, look at you.” Jeff wiped some of the tears off your cheek with his thumb. “Look at you, what the hell have I done to you?”

“Please stop. I know what I look like, Jeff.” You mumbled into his shirt. “I've been doing better. Señor Benjamin started checking up on me ever since I…well, I got all gaunt and I think I worried him. I’m sure he’s over there telling Matt and Reby that I haven’t been myself.” Jeff actually released you when you pulled away this time. “I haven’t had a problem with…this, for a while.” You said, painfully slow. “I used to much more often, when I was younger.”

“Issues with eatin’?” Jeff asked, sounding confused. “You…I mean I never noticed-”

“I have been actively trying to avoid this outcome, Jeff. Doing my best. I take my supplements and sometimes I can eat, but most of the time I just…I don’t want to.” You gestured at the dirt beneath your boots. “I grow my own food as a therapeutic process. I hate wasting food so I preserve stuff and eat good, pretty-colored things and it makes it a little easier. Winter is always hard.” You shrugged. “For me and the plants, I guess.”

“Y'know, I've had...um.” Jeff seemed uncomfortable, twisting his fingers back and forth nervously before shoving his hands into his pockets. “Problems, kinda' like this. Different reasons, but I used to drop weight like a brick and...I mean, I can help, Matt too, he was around when I was like that.” He looked like he was attempting to worry a hole through his lower lip.

You sighed, crossing your arms over your chest as you saw Matt and Reby making their way through the woods behind him. Maxel had grown so much since you’d last seen him, a bona-fide toddler now walking along with almost sure steps.

Matt waved to you, smiling broadly once he got close enough. “Hello! I…” Matt began, then paused, glancing at Jeff. “Can I have a minute alone with them?”

Jeff wordlessly retreated to where Reby waited at the edge of the woods, his shoulders slumped.

When Matt spoke again he kept his voice deliberately low. “We haven’t met while I was in my right mind. But I remember you. And I remember what you did for my family.” He sounded so normal it threw you for a loop. No strange accent or medieval-sounding words. “Jeff made the mistake of mentioning to us how he…left you. He did everything for my sake but as usual, he has all the the delicacy of a bull in a fucking china shop.” Matt met your eyes, but only just. “You…I imagine it was difficult. I’m sorry.”

“I've definitely been better.” You replied, raising an eyebrow. “You seem healthy as a horse.”

“Yes, thanks to my little brother. He...it was so hard on him, on my family. I don't remember some of the things I did, and Jeff doesn't appear interested in telling me.” Matt grimaced. “Regardless of what he did, the pieces I can remember don't exactly paint me in a good light.”

You shifted uncomfortably. Why on earth was he telling you all of this? You would give anything to just go back to your plants.

“I...I speak to you today as a total stranger. And I have to ask something of you. There is a final process to solidify my recovery.” Matt said hesitantly. “A sort of new beginning ritual, if you will. Reby and I were hoping...I mean, after all you've done for us, we know it's pretty audacious of us to ask anything of you but we were hoping we could convince you to be the Hardy's guest of honor at the ceremony tonight.”

You blinked up at the man, confused. “You...what, you guys having another bonfire or something?”

“A little more elaborate than that, but the concept seems about right. We have talked on it for a while and both Rebecca and I agree that no one is better suited for this than the one who had nothing and nearly gave everything, who kept House Hardy from falling that dark night.” Matt's face grew sad. “I am sorry we could not be present during this hard stretch that you've had.”

You waved off his concern. “I did this to myself. I'm better now.”

“Will you do us this honor, then? It will be a more...formal gathering. Rebecca has offered to style your hair, if you would like.” He gestured toward his wife, who waved and smiled.

“Oh, gosh, I...um...I don't have anything to wear, really. I've never dealt with anything too formal.” Your whole face went pink with embarrassment. “You have to understand, I don't want to make you guys look bad if this is a big deal.”

“Please, don't even worry about it. The honor of your presence is more than enough, trust me.” Matt seemed overjoyed when you finally nodded, calling Reby over with Maxel. Jeff stayed put at the edge of the woods, appearing to busy himself watching Vanguard One weave through the tree trunks.

You only realized you were staring when Reby gently put a hand on your shoulder. Maxel cooed and wiggled from his spot balanced on her hip. “Did he at least apologize?” Reby asked quietly. Matt looked over at his wife, confused at the change of subject.

You nodded, feeling melancholy close up your throat. “I punched him.” You managed to admit.

Matt, to your surprise, absolutely roared with laughter, barely stopping himself from slapping you on the back. “Holy shit, you did not! That’s amazing.”

“He asked me why I looked like this! I just…I don’t know, I lashed out. It was stupid of me.” You mumbled. “It’s been a long time. I…obviously I still care about him even if I don’t want to. I wouldn’t have walloped him in the jaw if I didn’t care, y’know?”

Reby gave Matt a look over Maxel’s head and then shifted the baby to her other hip. Maxel quieted down, eyes studying your face with that customary ‘young child’ seriousness. You smiled at him, offering a little wave. The boy thrashed, starting to put up a fuss and Reby let him stand on his own.

Maxel was off like a shot, staggering steps across the uneven terrain of your yet-to-be-planted garden. “Matt, make sure he doesn’t get into anything he shouldn’t.” Reby ordered. Matt grumbled but headed after his son, quickly hoisting the little boy up into the air. You watched him go, watched him interact with the protesting Maxel and you felt…you weren’t sure what it was. Your eyes burned with tears and you quickly looked away from Matt and Maxel.

Reby caught your chin before you could stare at the ground, her own eyes kind and knowing. “Jeff will be at tonight’s ceremony, of course. He’s a big part of it. I understand, obviously better than Matt does, that being around him may be painful. You don’t have to come if it will be too much for you.” She said quietly over the airplane noises Matt was making. “I understand that it’s selfish to ask you to deal with anything else.”

“I…I just don’t really have anything to wear. What if I look silly or embarrass you guys?” You asked, staunchly avoiding looking at Jeff.

Reby smiled a little differently this time. Vengeful lioness. “Leave that up to me, sweetheart.”

…

You weren't sure how to feel as Reby zipped up the back of your lone black dress. “I really want to cry but you spent so much time making my face look good.” You whispered, making her laugh.

“Why do you want to cry? You look amazing!”

And it was true, you looked incredible. You barely recognized yourself. Reby was obviously a master of her craft. “I don't think I've ever liked my face or hair this much.” You replied honestly.

Reby shook her head. “You have a wonderful face and beautiful hair. You're so silly.” She said, patting your cheek carefully. She seemed a little worried as she gave you a once-over, tugging your dress so it sat better on your shoulders. “How do you feel? Will you be warm enough in this? You can still say no, you know.”

“I...I want to go.” You said determinedly. “I mean, I'm scared I'll flub something but if you guys want me there-”

“Of course we do! After everything that you did?” Reby made a noise of disbelief. “You go wait in the living room with the boys, alright? Tell them I'll be right there. Just have to fix my contours.”

You nodded, leaving after glancing at yourself in the mirror one last time. As you moved to the stairs you could already hear Matt talking to Jeff in the living room.

“...another painting, like the one you did for my bedroom. But it's got to be big enough to hang over the mantel. Rebecca loved the theme so if you want you can just continue it.”

“Whatever you want, Matt. I...shit, I'm just happy you're back.” Jeff's voice was quieter and you paused at the top of the stairs, straining to hear. “I can't say it hasn't been rough. I would understand if Reb wanted to annihilate me.”

“She knew it was an accident, Jeff. And I assume you managed to convince her you'd go through hell or high water to fix me.” Matt joked. “I...hey, hey, easy. It's alright, c'mere.”

You heard a shuddering sob and you closed your eyes tightly, inhaling through your nose.

“Christ little bro, don't go to pieces on me just yet, okay?” Matt sounded somewhat choked-up himself.

“I ruined e-everythin', Matt, everything, they hate me and I just-”

“No way. You quit this self-pity shit, Jeff. You're stronger than that, knock it off.”

You felt that you'd eavesdropped long enough and proceeded to head down the stairs as loudly as you could to alert the two men of your presence. Maxel made a surprise appearance at the doorway of the living room, staring up at you. He looked very dapper in a bright purple shirt with a soft green vest over it, and you made sure to tell him as much when you knelt down to his level. The little boy was obviously still a bit wary of you, teetering momentarily before pulling a one-eighty turn and heading back to where his father and uncle stood beside the mantel.

“Maxel! Don't be rude, when a lovely individual compliments you on your vest, normally, as a gentleman, you say thank you!” Matt scolded, turning his son back around. Maxel waved his arms in the air, giggling at the new game Matt was apparently playing. Matt sighed, shrugging at you. “Well, I tried.” He continued to spin Maxel, slow enough that he could keep his footing. “You do look great. I guess that dress you had was just fine, huh?”

“That and all the manual labor Reby put in as far as my face goes.” You said, laughing when Matt gestured with his free hand for you to spin as well.

“Show off for us, huh?”

Suddenly feeling shy, you couldn't help the way you glanced at Jeff. The other man seemed to be in a staring contest with the mantel and you fumbled to smooth out the skirt of your dress again. “The both of you look very...” You squinted, trying to smile.

“Professional, right?” Matt winked.

“Yeah, that's what I was going to say.” Definitely not weird. Matt was wearing that familiar gray and black velvet coat with a matching pair of pants, his hair semi-tamed in a bun, while Jeff was clad in loose black pants paired with an almost skintight black long-sleeved shirt that bore strange, twining patterns on the sleeves. A white rag spattered with vibrant paint hung out of the younger brother's back pocket, but it looked less like an actual cleaning implement and more like an accessory.

You caught Jeff's eyes when he finally looked up, tilting your head to the side. “What do you think, Jeff?” You knew it was cruel but you couldn't help wanting to make him squirm, even if just a tiny bit. Vengeful lioness.

Jeff looked torn, the mumbled, “You're beautiful,” a little too heartfelt for you to feel comfortable with continuing to tease him. So you obliged with the requested turn, biting your lip. Beautiful.

“He's right, you really do look fantastic.” Matt agreed, raising his eyes to rest on something behind you. “And there is my Queen Rebecca.”

“I don't know about this dress, Matt, I--”

Matt silenced his wife's concerns with a peck on the mouth. “You are ravishing as always, my love. Never worry about that. You could wear a burlap sack and put everyone to shame as far as I'm concerned.” He smiled, pressing his forehead to hers. Maxel hugged her leg, bouncing up and down.

Jeff glanced at you and you held his gaze, raising an eyebrow. He looked like he was about to say something and then Matt raised his arm to rest it on his shoulder. Jeff flinched, gritting his teeth for a split second. You watched his shoulders relax back down after a minute, as though he had been waiting for Matt to...do something.

'Matt would never lay a hand on Maxel or Reb!'

Yeah let's avoid that train of thought. You frowned at yourself.

“Alright, are we all set? I have his backpack right here so I wouldn't forget it this time.” Matt said finally, hefting the overstuffed, brightly-colored pack from its spot on the floor. He scooped Maxel up as well, his son continuing to bounce even once he was in Matt's arms.

Jeff didn't seem able to hide his smile, reaching out so Maxel could grab his hand and shake it back and forth. “Look at you go, little guy!” He grinned, making Maxel babble happily. “Almost as excited as Daddy and I, huh?”

“This will be a night to remember.” Matt agreed, gesturing to draw you close. “We must ask for a blessing before the travel. A custom, you understand.” He explained. Reby straightened out the shoulders of your dress again as Matt bowed his head, placing his hand on the top of Maxel's head. “Seven Deities, we call upon you yet again. Your loyal servants embark on a new journey and we implore you grant us your protection and strength.” Matt intoned. “I am no longer your vessel, no longer empowered as such and so I must beg a boon. Astarr, Brohare! Chall, Cohle, Gustavo! Neric, Sirko!”

He paused and Jeff proceeded smoothly, “We had ended, and now we begin again. The sun has set on one life, we beg for the sun to rise on the next. Grant us the courage we need, the will to continue, keep the ones we love safe and keep our bodies whole.” He also laid his hand on Maxel's head, over Matt's. “Protect this little one, he is our flesh and blood. Protect Rebecca, the queen of Matt's life. Protect Matthew, my brother, the master of his own destiny.” Jeff hesitated. “Protect...protect our neighbor, they have been through so much at our hands.”

“Seven Deities, I beg that you protect Jeffrey, my brother. Make us as one, and grant us victory tonight.” Matt dragged Jeff in to touch their foreheads together. “No longer master and slave, but brothers once more.”

A shiver ran through you at their words. This...didn't sound like theatrics. You wondered wildly for a moment if you were invited along because they needed a human sacrifice or something like that, but you just as quickly dismissed the notion. You'd heard elaborate prayers before. Pontificating relatives at funerals, weepy well-wishes after one too many drinks. But this...it just seemed so much more heartfelt, compared to everything else you had experienced.

Reby squeezed your hand, smiling at you. “Ready?”

“As ready as I'll ever be.” You replied, trying your best to smile back.

You didn't expect for Matt to open the front door and grab onto one side of his patiently-waiting drone.

You narrowed your eyes, debating (not for the first time) whether you were the only person here with a decently firm grasp on reality. “What the everloving shit.”

A laugh burst out of Jeff. He'd obviously been waiting for your reaction. “I promise, it ain't as dumb as it looks. Just latch on.” He said once he had himself back under control, reaching for your hand. Fingers curled gingerly around your own and he placed your hand on the drone, nodding to Matt once he did. “We're good. You uh, you might want to close your eyes.” Jeff added to you. “Can be a little much.”

Yeah this doesn't seem crazy at all. You obeyed almost instantly, resigned to the eventuality that when you opened your eyes you were going to be in your bed, staring up at the ceiling as your alarm chimed in your ear.

There was a momentary absence of noise, around four seconds. Enough that you noticed. Then sound swelled back up, louder than you expected. It sounded almost like...cheering, but muffled and distant.

Beside you, you heard Jeff inhale and his whole body shuddered. “Christ, Matt.”

“I know, it's absolutely exhilarating. Vanguard my friend, we'll need a lift after the ceremony but until then, feel free to see the sights.”

You cautiously opened your eyes and you were greeted with the sight of a cramped hallway as the white drone zipped away. Well. This was...not what you'd been expecting on at least two fronts. “Where are we?” You asked, feeling almost like you should be annoyed with the fact that Jeff hadn't let go of your hand yet.

“The ceremony, of course! From the sound of things though, we may be a bit early. C'mon, let's find the curtain.” Matt urged, leading your ragtag group along.

I feel like two years ago, teleportation would have been more...inaccessible? Exciting? Both? You mused, grudgingly allowing Jeff to guide you while you thought.

“Ah, security! Yes it's us, of course it's us. Where do we need to queue up, I assume we're not late just yet?” Matt was speaking with a man in a black polo shirt, who nodded and gave him directions to 'gorilla position', which you assumed must have been some kind of code. Unless this was a zoo?

You had so many questions, so you finally ended up pulling your hand out of Jeff's grip. The man stopped immediately, turning around and cocking his head. Matt and Reby continued on, oblivious to the fact that they were a party of three now instead of five. “What the heck is going on, Jeff?” You whispered. “What is this place, this ceremony that's supposed to happen?”

Jeff looked absolutely ecstatic, his smile pure excitement like a small child's. “It's gonna' be great, I promise dar...I promise. It's kinda' a surprise though. Can you trust me for a little while longer?” He asked hopefully. You crossed your arms over your chest and Jeff's smile faded. “I...shit, I don't know what to do here. Th-that dress is amazin'. You in it is also amazin'. You're...you're seriously the most beautiful person I ever come across, havin' you here for this is surreal and I just--” Jeff shrugged. “Sorry, I'll shut up. M' sorry. We're almost to the right point anyhow. You'll see what's up in a minute. Promise.”

“I mean I'm not against you continuing to talk about how great I am, if you're waxing poetic.”

Jeff's grin bordered on blinding. “Is...are you jokin' with me? Was that a joke? It was, yeah?!”

“Maybe.” You answered reluctantly. “Look, Jeff, I won't sugarcoat this crap. You hurt me. You hurt me a lot by leaving, I know you at least understand that much. So I don't know if we can ever be...what you might still want. What I wanted. But...yeah, I was joking with you.”

“S' more than I deserve. A thousan' times more than what I deserve. I...thank you.” Jeff said sincerely. He held out his hand. “May I?”

You looked at him for a moment. Looked down at his hand, then back up at his face. “I guess. As long as you keep talking about how good I look.”

His fingers twined through your own, roots into the dirt. “Gladly.”

…

All the training in the world couldn't have prepared you for what greeted you on the other side of the curtain.

It was like a Colosseum of old, high walls stretching to the darkening sky, absolutely packed with people. Your eyes widened and then Jeff released your hand. The thunderous roar of the crowd threatened to deafen you, but even with that distraction you couldn't tear your gaze away from Jeff.

Bass rhythm thrummed through your whole body and the dance he started into was almost ridiculous. You got the feeling that no one else would be able to pull it off, the gyrations of his hips and the way his teeth were bared in a fierce grin changing it from strange to absolutely warlike. Matt spread his arms wide in greeting and the arena chanted something in reply, it sounded like DELETE, it sounded like HARDY, it sounded like WELCOME BACK.

A tiny hand grabbed at your own and you looked down at Maxel. The little boy didn't seem to have any issues with the sound and you wondered at that for a second before letting yourself be pulled along by the smallest Hardy. Reby had his other hand, looking every ounce the regal queen in her shimmering black gown, even with the small neon pack slung over one shoulder. The ramp down to the floor of the arena looked like it stretched for eons, but before you knew it you had reached the base, where some kind of fighting ring had been set up. Jeff boldly took your hand again, leading you to sit beside Reby. He chucked Maxel under the chin, smiled at you one last time and then moved to follow his brother.

Numerous individuals who appeared just as...colorful as Jeff and Matt were already in the roped-off ring, all of them bearing nearly-identical expressions of awe and confusion. You were more confused about the ladders, to be honest, why were there ladders? Was this going to be an actual fight? Jeff and Matt had said nothing about a fight, just a ceremony.

“Fixing my brother via trial by combat ain’t the easiest shit I’ve done, but I wouldn’t change a thing about all the fights.” Trial by combat. A new beginning ritual. “Grant us victory tonight.”

Your eyes widened as everything clicked, as Matt stripped off his coat and climbed into the ring beside his brother to the joy of the very vocal crowd. They faced off across from the other individuals in the ring, Matt making a sharp, slashing motion with his hand that ignited more calls of DELETE. It looked like Matt said, “delightful!” though you couldn't exactly hear him over the chants of THIS IS AWESOME. Jeff took up the motion, rotating in a circle so he could observe the whole arena.

You had no idea what was about to happen but you got the feeling it wasn't going to be pretty.

The enthusiasm Matt and Jeff had was electric, the crowd screaming their approval for the two men as they fought against an incredibly tall man and his lightning-fast partner, a dynamic duo of shaven-headed individuals, the strongest looking ginger you'd ever seen and a man with athletic tape wrapped around his shoulder. The goal seemed to be the two ornate belts which hung in the air a dizzying height above the ring. Set up your ladder, climb it, grab the belts. Not nearly as simple as it sounded, especially when contending with six other men.

You were on the edge of your seat as they went back and forth. The usage of ladders was breathtaking, death defying stunts performed right in front of you! You could hardly believe what you were watching. Jeff fought with his teeth bared in that furious grin and Matt couldn't seem to stop smiling himself, the two working as a seamless team even in the face of such adversity.

It all came down to a tense moment with Jeff balanced precariously at the very top of a twenty-foot-tall ladder, his arms spread wide. He touched his fingers to his lips and blew you a kiss, mouthed what looked like, “and in this moment”, then proceeded to somersault in an effortlessly graceful manner onto the large ginger and the man with the taped shoulder, sending the three of them crashing through the ladders they'd been laying on.

You felt like everything ground to a halt as Jeff laid there motionless in a heap of twisted metal and bodies. Your mind flew back to when you had found him on the lawn, doubled over and perforated by Abyss, when he came up out of the water deleted and docile in exchange for healing his body.

You pressed your hands to your mouth, barely realizing that Matt had unbuckled the belts from their lofty perch and now held them over his head, basking in the glory of their victory. Jeff finally, finally stirred, shaking his head and opening his eyes. He blinked, looking rattled, before that smile was back and he was pulling himself to his feet, doing his best to stagger back into the ring to celebrate with his brother.

Matt grabbed his arm and tugged him upright, handing him one of the belts and then pressing their foreheads together. They wore identical grins, Jeff closing his eyes and hugging his brother tightly when Matt said something to him.

They stood shoulder to shoulder and held up their belts while the arena indicated its raucous glee in the outcome of the match, a constant roll of DELETE and BRO-THER NE-RO and BRO-KEN MATT keeping the deafening volume at full capacity. Reby seemed just as excited as you were, hoisting Maxel high so he could see his father and uncle standing tall.

It is done, vengeful lioness.

You had no idea where the certainty came from, but it was ironclad and left no room for doubt. You clapped for Matt and Jeff, even managing to muster up a smile when Jeff looked your way.

His eyes flickered for a second, shifting to Willow's white-blue, and they winked cheekily at you from Jeff's body before he shook his head again and looked confused.

It seemed like everyone knew your neighbors. Then again, the arena looked like everyone had been invited to witness their ceremony so it wasn't exactly surprising. Matt gathered his wife and son up in a tight hug once he stepped out of the ring while Jeff hobbled to stand awkwardly beside you. You twiddled your fingers and peeped over at him, catching him in the process of looking away.

“So uh...I think it was a success.” He began. You could hardly believe that after all that, he was going to try and make small talk as his brother and sister-in-law celebrated with a family hug. You were glad that he wasn't expecting anything from you, but he'd pulled off something that seemed unthinkable. “Should be fine now.” He rubbed the side of his head, wincing. “Got a pounder starting but--”

You couldn't take any more of his nervous chit-chat, wrapping your arms around his waist to hug him as tight as you could (hopefully) without hurting him. Jeff sucked in a breath, seeming startled. You stayed put and after a moment, his hand slowly stroked over your hair.

“Thank you for coming, darlin'. It helps if I got someone t' show off for.” His face didn't mirror his cocky words when you chanced a glance up and your heart twisted in your chest. He looked like he was about to start crying. He draped the ornate belt over your shoulder, mustering up a weak smile. “Looks better on you anyhow.”

“You're ridiculous.” Your fingers mapped the designs tooled into the leather, smoothed over the raised metal plates.

“No denyin' that.” Jeff agreed, his hand moving to cover your own on the belt. “Absolutely no denying that.”

You couldn't even believe the day you'd had. You woke up in the morning and everything was normal. Same hard time eating breakfast, same tall boots by the door, same tilled patch of dirt outside.

But now here you were, apparently in Florida, rubbing elbows with a family that you hadn't been sure you'd ever see again, a guest of honor at their most important trial by combat. Jeff's fingers were wrapped loosely around your own as he, Reby and Matt talked excitedly with three young men wearing matching outfits. You lost track of how many people you met, how many people you were introduced to as, “the hero of House Hardy.” You leaned carefully into Jeff's side, surprised when he dropped an arm over your shoulders and pulled you up tight against him. An absent-minded kiss was pressed to the top of your head.

You closed your eyes and sighed quietly.

…

Jeff lingered on your doorstep when he walked you home much later that night, his hands firmly shoved into his pockets. “I uh...I just wanted to thank you. Y'know, again. For um. For comin' out with us tonight.” He mumbled, scuffing the toe of his shoe on the ground. “You didn't have to, nobody knows better n' me that you didn't have to.”

“Jeff, I'm glad I went.” You said gently.

His head jerked up and he fixed you with a startled look. “You...you are?”

“It was quite the spectacle. You and Matt are an impressive team.”

“We been workin' together most of our lives, I sure as hell hope so.” Jeff grinned. His smile faded after a minute, replaced by something more serious. “Listen, I meant what I said earlier about the um...the weight stuff. If you want I could ask Matt, or you could talk with him. A lot of times when I would start t' plummet I wouldn't be in my right mind so I don't recall a lot of it.” He admitted. You nodded, wondering to yourself what had gone on in their household. “Well uh, I know Matt an' I will be gone tomorrow night but after that we should be home sporadically. I...anytime you wanna' drop in just to see Reb and Maxel she'll probably welcome you with open arms.” He said quietly.

“I'll keep that in mind, thank you.” You replied.

Jeff huffed out a nervous breath and then bowed deeply, one hand resting in the small of his back like he was some kind of dandy. You couldn't keep from giggling and that seemed to make him happy, if the smile he gave you was any indicator. “Have a good night, okay?”

You were reminded of an evening last year when you closed the door behind you and slid to sit on the floor. You didn't want to cry, not exactly, but your chest ached in a way that suggested you might whether you wanted to or not.

You weren't sure how long you sat there before you finally got to your feet and headed to your bedroom. You checked your phone, both disappointed and relieved to see that you had no messages. On a whim, you scrolled back through your photos. You wanted to find the picture you’d taken, the one Jeff said was of him when he was very young.

But upon reaching where it should be in the gallery, something else had taken its place. Your brow furrowed in confusion, trying to figure out what the picture even was. It was dark, a large mass of orange flames licking in from the left-

It’s what I had originally taken a picture of! The burning structure with Jeff at the bottom of it! You realized. And if the picture was back to the way it should be, that must mean…

Everything is in order.

After you tucked yourself in for the night, you stared up at the ceiling. Through the screen in your window you could hear the nighttime sounds of the woods around you and you found your eyes slowly drifting shut.

A violin’s haunting melody wound into your dreams so faint you might have imagined it, accompanied by even softer strains of gentle piano. You didn’t know how you knew it was Matt and Reby, but you were soothed all the same.

…

Jeff seemed hell-bent on popping in to check on you whenever he could, the now-familiar sound of his dirtbike skidding to a halt your usual soundtrack when you were out in your garden. Sometimes it was only a brief greeting, and then sometimes he stayed and helped with whatever you were doing. He made a concerted effort to inform you of when he would be leaving and when he’d be back. He and Matt apparently had to work to keep their belts from the grueling ceremony.

Matt and Reby made it a point now to find you when you were at work just to say hello. Señor Benjamin occasionally accompanied them to get your opinion on various garden ideas he had. It appeared Matt had been serious when he’d suggested he wanted to start a garden of his own and you did your best to pass along your knowledge.

Eating didn’t seem like as much of a chore anymore, as more often than not you were invited to Matt’s house for supper. It was easier when people distracted you from the fact that you were actually eating, Matt quieting the nagging doubts that you were eating too much by declaring that you looked like you needed more green beans.

You were surprised the first time he and Reby displayed their musical talents after dinner, but even more surprised when Jeff hesitantly took the guitar his brother gestured to and added his own melody to their tune. Maxel seemed to love dancing to the music his parents and uncle made, no matter what the cadence or subject matter, and you found yourself the little boy’s official dance partner on more than one occasion. He had finally overcome his wariness around you, commonly demanding to be picked up with a firm, “Uppy!”

The nights would usually end with Maxel sound asleep on your shoulder, thoroughly exhausted from his workout. More than once the feeling of his tiny face burrowing into your shirt clenched your chest tight, and you’d have to take a few deep breaths to keep from doing something embarrassing.

Sometimes you caught Jeff staring at you and his nephew when the two of you interacted, the expression on his face usually a cross between pained and wistful. You wondered whether he felt the same way you did, whether his chest tightened with unimaginable longing.

Or if he ever woke up out of a sound sleep in a feverish state, your name on his lips, whole body flushed.

Maybe it was wishful thinking, but a small part of you (which grew larger every day) hoped for it.

...

“Why do you always look at Maxel and I like that?” You asked out of the blue.

Jeff froze mid-motion, hands cupped around the base of a squat, look-I’m-doing-my-best cucumber vine. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He finally replied, brushing his hands off on his jeans and then getting to his feet. “I have to…I think I heard Matt calling me.”

“How old are you?”

Jeff snickered, crouching back down beside you. “Old habits, you know. I uh, I don’t really know why I do, to be honest.” He said quietly, shifting a handful of dirt back and forth between his fingers. “It…I guess it kinda’ makes me sad. But not in a bad way? I don’t--shit, I’m explainin’ this poorly.” He sighed, plucking a small rock out of the dirt in his hands. “Makes me think about what I coulda’ had, if I wasn’t so dumb. I ain’t…I don’t mean I’m jealous a’ Matt or something, I know I got nobody to blame but myself here. It’s just…shit, seein’ you with a little kid makes me all fucked up in the feelings.” Jeff fumbled to explain. “Makes me wonder what’s gonna’ happen when somebody good comes along, treats you right an’ you have kids and they’ll be awesome like you and I…” Jeff’s voice petered out, the tattooed man swallowing hard and staring at the dirt.

You reached out after a second, taking one of his hands in your own.

“Christ, I’m so sorry, I made this all kinds of fucked. You must think I’m a creep.” Jeff whispered. “Gettin’ all wound up over you with another guy’s kid in your arms, with my brother’s kid in your arms. What kinda’ asshole am I, huh?” He tried to joke, ducking his head. You caught his chin, tugging it back up and making him look at you. Jeff chewed his bottom lip, doing his damnedest to avoid your eyes. “I…I’m so sorry I left the way I did. I’m sorry I ruined everythin’ and I’m sorry I’m all hung up on it.” He apologized, his words choked. He shook free of your grasp, getting to his feet again. “I’m just…I’ll go, don’t need to wreck your day with this stupid, self-pityin’ crap.”

You stayed kneeling in the dirt after he headed off, the rumble of his bike fading into the distance. Your mind was a mess of emotions. The part of you that seemed to be winning wanted to head after Jeff because if he was saying what you thought he was saying, you were essentially on the same page.

Who’s to say he won’t leave again, once he gets what he wants?

You felt a bit more certain when you scoffed at that nasty little voice, the same one that chided you for being too enthusiastic about gardening and tried to get you to stay in bed on hard days. You stood, giving yourself a bracing shake before straightening out your shirt and heading for the trail. His house was separated from yours by a thick belt of trees and a crumbling stone wall that had been all but swallowed up by the woods. Jeff’s constant back and forth trips on his dirtbike had worn a smooth path into the forest floor and it was this path that you followed until you emerged onto his property.

Jeff was just heading inside as you made your way across his…creatively trimmed lawn. “Jeff, wait! I need to talk to you!” You called.

He paused, the front door half-open. “Kinda’ not a great time right now.” He replied, but he didn’t close the door.

“I’ll be quick. Probably.” You were at the porch now and he still had the door open. “Look, all that stuff that you were saying--”

“Hey, it’s not a big deal. I know I wrecked shit with you. I just…I mean you asked, I figured you at least deserved the truth, y’know?” Jeff shrugged as though he was trying to brush it off. “It’s okay.”

“It’s really not, and I think you know it.”

He made a noise like he’d been punched in the stomach.

“I mean really, Jeff, you can’t just drop that kind of bomb on me and then go sashaying back to your house for tea and fucking biscuits.” You folded your arms, doing your best to look severe. “Especially when you didn’t even give me a chance to respond.”

“Christ, I wish I’d never opened my fuckin’ mouth. Because this is the part where I lose you for good, ain’t it?” Jeff asked bleakly. “Where you go ‘wow Jeff, that’s fucked up!’ an’ you never talk t’ me again. And I never see you, and you fuckin’ tuck yourself away and stop eating and then one day--”

“You have quite the imagination.” You interrupted him, raising an eyebrow at his rambling. “But no, that’s not what I had in mind.”

“Well…what then?” Jeff seemed at a loss, opening the door a little bit more.

“May I come in?”

“Shit, uh, of course. I’m sorry, wasn’t tryin’ to be rude.” He opened the door fully and you maneuvered past him.

“Did you make all of these yourself?” You asked, distracted by the bright, abstract artwork hanging in the entryway.

“I…yeah. I paint a lot.” He sounded embarrassed. “I’ve always done it. Just kinda’…I like it.”

“Does Matt paint? Or just you?”

“Nah, I got the artsy genes. He got the smarts. And I can play guitar, sing.” Jeff grimaced. “Lot a’ good it does me.”

“You’re talented, Jeff. I mean, I’m no artist so I can’t exactly critique. But you’ve obviously put a lot of your time into this.” You gestured around you.

Jeff flushed at the praise, twiddling his fingers. “Matt always said I could do more. Open a gallery or somethin’. I…wait shit, you ain’t here for this. What am I gonna’ do about you?” He asked plaintively, shaking his head. “I said some heavy shit. So what’s your take on it?”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” You said softly. “There was more than enough of that between us. You’ve been very respectful about not pushing me even though we were intimate before, which is a refreshing change when it comes to my relationships. You also didn’t pass judgment on me for my…problem. I would say I’m sorry for punching you, though in my defense I was in a fragile emotional state.”

“I’m still waiting for the ‘but’.” Jeff’s smile was sad.

You took a deep breath. “There isn't one.” You smiled up at him, taking his hands in your own. “I think...I mean, if you're interested I would like to try again. If you're not interested, that's fine too. I like spending time with you either way.”

“I swear to God if I wake up right now, I...” He paused and stared down at your hands, his hands. “This is real, yeah? You'd tell me if you were a hallucination, right?” He demanded, making you snicker.

“Oh, definitely. No hallucinations here.” You replied.

Jeff tore his hands out of your grip and jerked you into a tight hug, cupping the back of your head as he held you close. “Fuck.” The single, breathless swear zipped like lightning across your skin and you trembled in his arms. “I've missed you so much, darlin'.”

“I missed you too, Jeff.” The knot in your chest, all the negative feelings you'd bundled up, slowly started to ease. He kissed you hungrily and you eagerly returned it, your hands sliding down to tug his hips into your own.

Jeff moaned into your mouth when you moved your hips, finally breaking the kiss. “Christ, like I was made for you.” He panted, glancing down. “You remember.”

“Mmm, yeah.” You breathed, watching as he rocked his pelvis up. “I'm not as thin as I used to be.” You didn't know why you said that, of all things. Talk about a mood breaker, what the hell were you thinking? It's true though, what if he's disgusted by how big I am now?

Jeff suddenly looked worried, hands raising to cup your face. “Hey, I ain't got a problem with you as long as you're in my arms. No matter what size you are, got it?” He said seriously, his eyes searching your own. “You're beautiful. No ifs, ands or buts, an' anyone who says otherwise, includin' the jerky voice I'm assuming is loud in your ears right now, tellin' you that you ain't hot stuff, can get fucked.” He growled, his voice deepening on the last word. “Now, I'd like to continue never forgetting you, and showing you just how pretty I know you are, and explainin' how much I need you. If uh, if you're amenable.”

You weren't able to keep from smiling, nodding eagerly and dashing away the few tears that had managed to sneak out. “Well, you know me, Jeff. I'm never against you continuing to talk about how great I am.” You teased, making him laugh.

He hoisted you up to sit on his hips, peppering your neck with light, playful kisses as he moved down the hall. “Missed you. Missed this too, but Christ, did I miss you.” He said softly, disentangling the two of you so he could open the door to what you correctly assumed was his room. It also seemed to double as his studio; there was an easel with a half-finished canvas on it set up by the window. “Come lay down with me, huh?” His words were gentle, followed by a grateful sigh when you took his hand and led him to the bed.

“On your back.” You ordered, loving how his eyes widened slightly. “Shirt off.”

“Jesus Christ that's hot. Will fucking do.” Jeff almost lost his footing trying to get out of his shirt when his knees bumped the end of his bed. “Shit, shit shit hang on.”

“How do you manage to be the most graceful thing I've ever seen at the top of a ladder, but when it comes to good ol' terra firma you're like a newborn giraffe?” You asked, making him snort with laughter even while he was still fighting with his shirt.

“Listen, you make me all gangly. I don't know if it's appealing or not but it's the truth.” Jeff protested. “I am a fuckin' Swanton master until you come along an' make me forget how to walk right.” He laid down, finally divested of his shirt, and made a grabbing motion at you. “Luckily, now I'm on my back and I don't have to worry about walkin' down here.”

You shook your head, moving quickly to straddle him. Jeff looked startled but seemed to get over it, judging from the needy, begging whimpers of “darlin'” that were only half-caught in his throat. His hands dug into your hips and you felt the swell of his cock pressing up against you through layers of clothing.

“Never thought this would happen again.” He murmured, carding his fingers through your hair while you kissed his neck and collarbone. “It's a goddamn miracle that you're even here right now and I will fuckin' take it, I will definitely fucking take it. I've had dreams like this, about you bein' here on top of me but they all ended the same.” He groaned when you rose up on your knees, words tumbling out of his mouth as you yanked down the zipper on his pants. “Ended with me wakin' up in an empty bed, in an empty fuckin' house, like you did when I left, an' I know I deserved every fucking dream, every fucking time.”

“Mmhm, at least a couple of them.” You agreed, shoving his pants and boxers down out of the way. You carefully stood, balancing on the bed over him with one hand on the wall so you could undo your own shorts and step out of them. The sound that tore free of Jeff's mouth was the best noise you'd heard in your life, half-snarl, half-whine. It made your knees a little weak and your legs shook, threatening to dump you in a graceless heap on top of him.

“Oh darlin', darlin', look at you. Just...fuck, darlin', you're not even close to bein' fair.” Jeff slammed his head back against the mattress, hands balled into fists in the blankets underneath him. “Can't handle it. Need you. I need you, I need you, please, please please.” He begged so sweet, moaning out when you obliged and wrapped a hand around the base of his cock, sinking slowly down onto him. You were so wet the motion was almost too easy, your body humming in feverish delight as you took every inch of his cock until you were finally seated on his hips.

“This alright?” You gasped. Jeff's response was to grab a handful of your shirt and drag you down practically nose-to-nose with him, his other hand jerking your sports bra out of the way so he could fondle your breasts.

“Oh, this is way better than alright. You just keep fuckin' those hips down onto me and we are not going to have a damn problem.” Jeff said through gritted teeth, keening when you obediently shifted your body. “Yes, fuck yes, darlin', oh my God get this fucking shirt off so I can enjoy these perfect tits.” He pleaded, words partially muffled as you kissed him. “Christ I ain't never needed anyone like this, I'm never, ever leaving you again. Ever. Never.”

“I'll hold you to that.” You stopped moving and cupped his jaw, try to make sure he understood the gravity of the situation as your body screamed hungrily for more, more, more!

He looked serious enough, even going so far as to take his hands off of you. “Never again.” He murmured, chuckling into the kiss you gifted him for his sincerity. “Hell or high fuckin' water, never again. The only notes I'm leaving you from now on are gonna' be dumb mushy ones that you'll find inside the refrigerator or behind the couch. Maybe some hearts in the steam on the bathroom mirror. Y'know, that kind of...uh.” He trailed off when you pulled your shirt over your head and disposed of it, then he caught the back of your neck and cradled you to his chest.

You cried out at the change of angle while his hips pistoned into you, cock dragging over your spot and your pubic mound slotted tight with his pelvis. You were barely able to move, just grinding against him and whimpering helplessly.

“Sounds like you're close t' comin', darlin'. Am I right? You gonna' come, you gonna' come on my cock?” Jeff hissed in your ear, his voice dipping low with every emphasized word. “I know you want to, I know you want to so fucking do it, darlin' I want it, God I need it, I need you, I need you to let go, fuck, darlin', darlin'-” You bit down on his shoulder in an attempt to muffle your scream when you came and Jeff made a noise that sounded suspiciously close to a sob, burying his face in your neck. “Christ, m' gonna' come, darlin' I have to pull out, I gotta'-”

“Come in me.” You panted, twining your fingers through his.

Jeff stared up at you, his whole body trembling. “Oh fuck, darlin', I-”

“Please.” You added breathlessly, making Jeff groan.

“Fuck, fuck, you can't just--like that? Fuck, if you want it. If you want it. Do you want it?” He gasped, hips quivering nervously under you.

You nodded, pressing a kiss to his knuckles and shifting your weight from side to side. That was apparently enough to convince him as he thrust up into you once more, hard enough to rock your knees up off the bed and then came inside you with a loud groan of completion.

He smiled up at you, so happily that you became self-conscious, drawing back from his warm look. “What?” You asked finally, surprised when he started to laugh, actually laugh, and he pulled your face down to his for a kiss that seemed to last for hours.

“Thank you. Thank you so fucking much.” Jeff sighed when you parted, his hands finding yours.

Tattooed roots dug deep into your soil once more, but this time you didn't feel like likening yourself to plain old dirt. No, you were a garden, flourishing now like you always should have, your skin alight with the fire of a thousand eager blossoms. You were strong and vibrant and alive, and Jeff seemed to realize that.

“You're the most beautiful person I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I'm so glad you came over.” He murmured, that goofy smile back on his face. “You uh, wanna' get dressed again? I can show you some more of my paintings or something. Play you a song, if you want.” He offered, a little shyly.

“I think I'd like that a lot.”

[eyogaclub-blog]

MyYogaWorks Review – A Yoga Studio Goes Online

Being a parent is exhausting. There are usually two occasions of day when I can do my yoga: in the morning before anybody is up or after everybody is in bed. Now you have to admit getting up any sooner than you have to is not going to happen easily, and it will be hard for you to find a yoga studio open by the time your kids are in bed. Thank god (or thank human intelligence if you are atheist) for technology and the fantastic world of on-line yoga classes. I have been making my way by a number of different on-line yoga subscription websites to find my on-line yoga soulmate, and finally ended up with MyYogaWorks The jury remains to be out, however hopefully this MyYogaWorks overview helps you out somewhat bit.

Before You Subscribe​ to MyYogaWorks 

First, MyYogaWorks offers a free 15-day trial so you can easily take a look at the service without spending any money in those 15 days. It's a must to give them your bank card details, however you can unsubscribe any time before your trial ends if you don't want to continue MyYogaWorks is actually the identical as all the opposite on-line yoga courses you may discover on the market. In fact, there might be small differences like video quality, the trainers, and the variety of choices, nevertheless it actually comes right down to what web site is worth your cash each month.

What Is MyYogaWorks?​

MyYogaWorks is a brick and mortar studio that has been round since 1986. Yoga Works has educated a number of the business's finest academics, so they have already got a fairly stable status within the yoga world. Since Yoga Works has been round for nearly 30 years and taught 1000's of people, they noticed how troublesome it was for a lot of of people to get time to drive to their studio and attend courses regularly.

Due to this, My Yoga Works was born. The entire on-line academics have been scrupulously chosen and impeccably educated by Yoga Works and teach courses at Yoga Works studios.​ To make yoga accessible to everybody, no matter schedule or health level, the web courses are 5 to 60 minutes in size. When you can search for courses primarily based in your ability level, Yoga Works academics guarantee every class is accessible to everybody who practices with them.

It is good to have access to their courses 24/7. Whereas this product is geared in the direction of college students and housewives who aren't in a position to get to a studio regularly, it is nonetheless good to have hundreds of courses at your fingertips.

Features And Advantages

Let's look into what makes MyYogaWorks particular: Skilled Ranges​ Just like a standard yoga studio, you have the option to select courses primarily based on your experience level. There are 4 experience levels to select from: Newbie: Newbie courses are slower paced and concentrate on key alignment points and straightforward, slower-paced flows.​ Intermediate: In intermediate courses, you begin to pick up the pace and challenge your energy, stamina, and steadiness. Your trainers will focus less on alignment for basic poses and will begin introducing tougher poses like arm balances and inversions.​ Superior: These courses actually get you sweating and you'll positively really feel the burn. Your trainers considerably lower their verbal cues and offer you difficult flows sprinkled with arm balances, inversions, and longer holds.​ For trainers: These courses are extraordinarily difficult and concentrate on serving to you achieve these poses whereas also providing you with tips on how to assist your college students efficiently and safely get into these positions, too.​ Focus​ I actually liked this "focus" option after I was trying to strengthen, tone, or stretch a particular physique part.

I was a runner, and whereas I still go for an off-the-cuff 5K now and then, my years of distance running have actually taken a toll on my hamstrings. Irrespective of how much I inform them I'd rather do revolved hand-to-big toe than run a sub 20 minute 5K, they refuse to take heed to me. Since I am at all times on a quest to "repair" my hamstrings, I began with their hamstrings courses.

They differ in size from only a few minutes (forward fold and bird of paradise tutorials, for instance) to a full one hour class dedicated to lengthening and strengthening the hamstrings.​ MyYogaWorks additionally has loads of pose-focused courses. If backbends have always been the bane of your practice, the backbend-focused courses are a good way to break down a number of the intimidating postures like upward facing bow/wheel pose or king dancer. There are lots of shorter tutorials, but there are also courses that strengthen and open the components of the physique needed for certain peak poses.​ Whether or not you need assistance with inversions, arm balances, solar salutations, or balancing poses, there are tons of courses that will help you focus in your ares where you feel difficulty. The Journey ​Series I assumed the Journey series could be my favorite side of the website, however I ended up having a love/hate relationship with them.

The Journey series are just like the mini-workshops provided at your local studio, besides you can take the courses at your individual pace. Every program has courses geared particularly for that series' particular goal.​ I've a tender spot for detox/twisting courses. I am always a hot, sweaty mess after a detox class, and I like how great I really feel wringing out all the stress and junk I've built over the period of time.

For the Detox series, there's a newbie and an intermediate option. I opted for the intermediate and was given a six-day mini-program. I repeated a 15-minute AM detox class 3 times (less than ideal; I do not like repeating courses), and there was additionally a 30-minute twist class (repeated twice) and an extended detox class 48 minutes in duration.​ You are given 4 weeks of flow lessons that change in duration. You may get heat-building flows, stretching, power classes, and well-rounded flows to focus on your total physique. The biggest drawback with MyYogaWorks' is the repetition of a number of courses, but you can skip it if you want. Value And Cost​ You may have three fee choices:​ 1 month: $15 6 months: $80 12 months: $150 Moreover, it can save you cash with the site's referral system. Whenever you enroll, you get a referral code that provides you 20% off your subscription value when a buddy signs up. Additionally they get 20% off! Supported Devices My Yoga Works has done a terrific job maintaining with the fixed inflow of technology. Your classes are viewable on Android devices, all Apple devices (including Apple Airplay), PCs, and even Kindle devices. The one draw back to all of this mobile viewing is you need the internet to stream your videos files. Thus far, there isn't any app to save your courses for offline viewing, but if you have a good internet connection then this should not be a problem.​

What Others Are Saying​

I do know we're advised we should not simply concentrate on the opinion of others, however I do not think that's true in relation to one thing we'll be spending cash on, and that is the best thing in MyYogaWorks, they offer 15 days free trial, though you do have to provide your payment details but if you don't want to continue then you can simply cancel your subscription in those 15 days and there will be no charges on you. Read the full article

[operationrainfall]

Title TINY METAL: Full Metal Rumble Developer Area 35 Publisher Area 34 Release Date July 11th, 2019 Genre Strategy Platform PC, Nintendo Switch Age Rating T for Teen – Fantasy Violence, Language Official Website

I should start this by mentioning how utterly excited I was by the prospect of the first TINY METAL. When I first saw it at PAX, and realized this was a true spiritual successor to a series I had long loved, Advance Wars, I was stoked. Even though I didn’t review the first game, I did play through it, and while not perfect, I felt it was a great start. So the sequel held a good amount of interest for me. Would this be a step up from the original, cementing itself as the successor to Advance Wars? The quick answer is no, but the long answer is it’s complicated. So join me as I address what TINY METAL: Full Metal Rumble did right, and what it did wrong.

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Full Metal Rumble seemingly takes place not long after the events of the first TINY METAL. I hedge with “seemingly” since I honestly barely remember the plot from the first game, other than something about lost technology and an evil mind-controlling clown. Events start with Nathan hunting the remnants of the Dinoldan army, which are apparently AI controlled puppets, despite looking mostly human. The sci fi nerd in me wished they had some distinctive robot trait if they were a drone army, but alas the only thing that identifies them as different are their glowing eyes, which made me think more mutant than robot. Putting that tangent aside, the story is rarely the most important part of a strategy game like this, but I prefer if there’s a solid effort made. Sure, Advance Wars wasn’t known for a brilliant plot, but it did have very eclectic characters with distinct personalities. The same goes for WarGroove, which had some really colorful personalities and a solid, albeit formulaic, plot. Sadly, none of those traits are in TINY METAL: Full Metal Rumble. There’s some subplot about Wolfram hunting for her supposedly dead brother Ragnar, some nonsense about nanomachines and mutterings about a greater intelligence at work, but if so, it was never revealed in the game. So if you were hoping for some grand plot for this sequel, put that hope aside. It’s not utterly horrible, there’s some cool ideas, they just never coalesce in a meaningful way.

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Sadly, the same can be said for the writing in this TINY METAL sequel. They make an effort at relevant banter and dialogue, but at best it came across like a poorly written anime. Cause and effect are completely divorced and random things happen that only the characters understand. No character gets any significant development, and some barely show up, like Tsukumo. There were at least two separate instances where I thought I knew exactly what was happening, and then the plot pulls a complete 360, or worse, seems to totally disregard important developments. A good example is one seemingly heinous betrayal that turns out to be a nothing burger. I know I said most people don’t play this genre for the story, and while that’s largely true, I can’t help but expecting a better written adventure than this. But now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, let’s move onto the meat of the game, which is how TINY METAL: Full Metal Rumble actually plays.

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The best thing the original TINY METAL had going for it was how it emulated the mechanics from Advance Wars. This one does a good job, and actually adds some new stuff to the mix. There are new units, such as the Archelon, which is essentially an APC with a machine gun, or the Viper, a mobile anti-artillery that can move and attack in the same turn. Some of my favorite new units were from the Mecha class, which were all essentially humanoid robots of mass destruction. Think a walking tank, and you have the right idea. They’re great since they can traverse environmental hazards Metals cannot, such as mountains, even though they aren’t quite as powerful. Besides the new units, there are also some new mechanics. One good example are the Commander units. Not to be mistaken with Hero units, which are slightly upgraded versions of normal units you can deploy, Commander units take a page directly from WarGroove. These are massively powerful units with one downside – if they die, you lose the mission and have to start over. Had I not seen it done first in another game, I probably would have been more impressed, but that doesn’t mean these units aren’t useful. One cool distinction is that Commander units can be various types, depending on where you are in the story. An example is how Wolfram pilots a Blitz Mecha in one mission and a Gallant Mecha in others. They are easily the best units in the entire game, and I felt they lent a bit of extra spice to the mix. Commanders even have special abilities you can use after you’ve filled up your meter by dealing or taking enough damage, such as increasing the move distance or attack power for your units for a turn. Unfortunately, I still can’t shake the similarity to recent games in the genre.

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One improvement to the combat is now whenever you build a new unit, you can easily see what they’re most and least effective against. That dispels one of my biggest complaints from the first game, that it’s not super clear which units work best to counter certain threats. They even have a little window that appears when you are selecting a unit to clarify what they can attack. My primary complaint is the game never tells you this, and I literally found out when I was more than two thirds done with the game. That said, there are many other tutorials in the first few missions, and while informative, they tend to drag on a bit long, especially for fans returning to the series. But if you ever get too lost, there’s a handy Metalpedia that gives a brief rundown for what various units do. I just wish I could select a unit on the map and bring up that same description. You can’t even pause the game to see the map, which was a big letdown. I know there’s Fog of War everywhere in TINY METAL, but I should be able to see units once I’ve dispersed them.

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Another change is that you actually have to keep track of your ammo and fuel reserves for all mechanical units. I thought I wouldn’t like this feature, but I actually really grew to appreciate it. It made my moves more important, and added a new layer of strategy. The AI for enemy units in Full Metal Rumble also seems a bit better. It uses Focus Fire MUCH more often, surrounding you to deal more damage, but it also does stupid shit like having Infantry attack Gunships, which almost always results in Infantry being massacred. I also noticed that my AI opponents rarely used their own abilities and seemed to shy away from attacking my Commander units. For reference, I did play the game on Normal, so maybe it’s not as incompetent on harder difficulties. Just don’t make the mistake of taking it entirely for granted, cause the Dinoldan army is more than capable of kicking your ass if you’re not treating it like a real threat.

More Metal on Page 2 ->

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Most missions in the game can be beaten one of two ways – either kill every enemy unit or take their HQ. I usually preferred to go for their HQ, since on many missions your opponent has factories and airports that can continually build new units. However, there are some missions where they mix things up. Some missions you have to survive for a set number of days, inflict X amount of damage to enemy finances, or kill a powerful VIP unit. Sometimes you won’t have any way to produce more units, and have to kill all your foes on the map. There are also some missions that have optional objectives, but they aren’t required to win. They just offer an alternate path to victory. Overall, the combat in the game is the highlight, but it’s not without its problems. One is that despite the variety I just mentioned and the combat being well-balanced, the flow of the game feels incredibly repetitive. I also wish selecting a unit for attack would give a preview of how much damage I might take, instead of just how much I will dish out and critical chance percentage. That said, I do like how the pause screen displays your Commander’s abilities and proficiency. It’s helpful knowing Wolfram’s infantry is more powerful, or that all of Tsukumo’s units deal more damage, but cost more money to build.

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  On the aesthetic design portion of the game, it’s a bit of a mixed bag. The music is very muted and unremarkable, but the art is top notch for the design. All the Commanders look great, and a new one in particular I was rather fond of, Nora, has crazy orange hair, hates talking with people and pilots the new Mecha units with ease. There’s some really cool cinematics that occur at various points throughout the story, and they look great, though for the life of me I don’t understand why they have no sound. Unfortunately, the level design is pretty lackluster, with the same colors and layout from mission to mission, with minor variations like desert and snow stages. Hell, there’s not even weather effects, which would have gone a long way to impressing me. There’s also some weird graphical glitches like overlap and layers not displaying all at once. Oh, and though the music isn’t great, the sound effects highlight the battles nicely. The boom and ratatat of cannon fire and machine guns are music to my ears, even if the random snippets units say whenever they’re selected gets old.

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I hate to return to the writing of the game, but I feel it’s necessary. The writing is, sadly, incredibly vanilla, and unfortunately it has plenty of grammar mistakes. The way the text displays at times is also odd. Sometimes it doesn’t fit well or even goes outside the text boxes. Worse is that I don’t care about most of the characters or the plot. It all just felt really formulaic and uninspired, at least to me. And even after playing the game for 27 hours to beat Full Metal Rumble, I honestly have no real idea about the motivation for the enemy forces at all. I kept expecting some sinister force to reveal itself as the mastermind, much like in the first game, but it never happens. In it’s place, we’re left with faceless, emotionless AI puppets, and that’s truly disappointing.

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Now let’s move onto the part of reviews I hate, which is talking about glitches and quirks. There are several I encountered in my time with TINY METAL: Full Metal Rumble. It’s possible they’re isolated to the Switch version I played, but on the off chance they aren’t, I figured I should mention them as a PSA. One of the less problematic ones occurred with the new autopilot feature. As you progress from mission to mission, you move a plane around the world map. You can select autopilot to automatically move to the next stage, and that’s great. What’s less great is once I tried it and instead chose not to enter the next level, and suddenly my plane started flying around in circles. Another quirk is that after you supply a unit with more fuel and ammo, if you hover your cursor over it, the unit shows as still empty. But if you move the cursor and come back, it instead shows as refilled. One time I attacked a unit, and instead of going to the regular battle animation, that unit just exploded on the map. Another time in Skirmish, I was moving around and got ambushed by a hidden enemy. Instead of just stopping my progress, like it should have, my unit was dealt damage without any accompanying combat animation. A more prevalent problem is the blurring visual effect that happens quite often, including whenever you instigate a battle. But easily the worst glitch I encountered is the following: on multiple occasions, easily more than a dozen, I selected an attack target and initiated my attack, and instead my unit ended their turn. In a game where every move is key to victory, that’s a giant problem. And believe it or not, those weren’t all the weird incidents I encountered, just the more noteworthy ones. I know TINY METAL: Full Metal Rumble has been updated a couple times since release, but these are all issues that need to be patched ASAP.

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In the end, It just didn’t feel like Area 35 tried anything that dramatic in this sequel, just more of the same with some minor upgrades, and taking ideas from games that did it better. TINY METAL was born in the shadow of Advance Wars, and sadly, Full Metal Rumble never steps out of that shadow. I know that sounds harsh, and much as it pains me to say, I don’t know how else the next game can improve without criticism. Because I honestly still like TINY METAL, I just expect much more from it. That said, for $14.99, you get a lot of game for your money. I spent almost 30 hours just on Story mode alone, and there’s a lot more to do, such as Skirmish, Multiplayer and many, many goodies you can unlock with in-game currency. There’s also labs you can find in Story mode to unlock optional side missions. And if you are a perfectionist, each mission has optional conditions you can achieve to get more points. If you’re a fan of strategy games, TINY METAL: Full Metal Rumble might still be worth a look. But if you’re a stickler and want a better adventure, there are far better options available right now.

[easyreview cat1title=”Overall” cat1detail=”” cat1rating=”3″]

Review Copy Provided by Publisher

REVIEW: TINY METAL: Full Metal Rumble Title TINY METAL: Full Metal Rumble

[miguelguthrie422-blog]

9 tips for your first time at a fitness class

Thinking of trying a new fitness class this year? The bright lights, crazymusic, and enviably fit instructors can make stepping out of your sweaty comfort zone scarier than it should be. But it doesn't have to be this way, said celebrity trainer Astrid Swan, afan-favorite Barry's Bootcamp instructor in Los Angeles. "Your attitude is everything." And of course, you know that. But still, those negative, self-conscious thoughts we all have can make you less likely to give a new class a fair try, and they may even lead to a crap workout, complete with poor formor eveninjuries. We tapped Swan and Amanda Freeman, founder of the Pilates-meets-cardio studioSLT, for a little advice oneasing these common first-timerfears. RELATED: 25 Genius Ways Fitness Trainers Stay Motivated to Exercise "I'll just hide here in the back of the room." You may think goingincognito in the corner is a genius way to calm your nerves. The reality is,you're doing yourself a disservice by distancing yourselffrom the instructor. Take a deep breath and position yourself right in the thick of it, suggested Freeman. Go for a spot closer to the center of the room where you have both a clear view of the instructor and the mirror to check your form. Trying a new class with a friend? You may wantto space yourselves out. "We make sure that newbies aren't right next to each other," Freeman added. "It helps to have experienced folks on either side for when you are confused and need to look at someone to know what should be going on." "Great, a super-toned clique congregating in the front." It's true, lots offitness fads attract a cult following of sorts.(SoulCycle, we're lookin' at you.) Don't let thatdiscourage you from signing up or make you settle for the last row. It's helpfulto remember that they, too, were once in your newbie shoes and wondering how one musters up the bravery to cozy up close to the mirrors. Go ahead and chat up your neighbor, who may be a great additional resource, Swanrecommended. "In my experience, the cult followers will take you under their wing.They will tell you how crazy the trainer is but how awesome it is too," Swan said. "They'lltake you in, show you wherethings are located, even cheer you on during the workout." RELATED: I Tried the Goth Answer to SoulCycle and Learned to Love Exercise "I don't have the right gear. God, I must look like an idiot." Although there are times when you need special gear, most classes and studios are up front about itemsyou'll need to bring with you. Just doyour homeworkahead of time: Check the FAQ section of the website or find a review online that can give you an idea of whether, say, grippy-bottom socks or hand wraps are required. "If it's still not clear, call the studio and ask, or check out the studio's social media to see what the typical gear is," Freeman said. (Many classes allow first-timers to borrow supplies.) Then, there's the special gear you don't need todwell on. Case in point: (overpriced) studio merchandise that's not necessary for the actual class. Some may feel "cool" wearing it, but unless theirpromotional tanks and Spandex aremade ofsome secret calorie-torching fabric we've never heard of, it's not worth sweating over--pun intended. Wear what makes you feel strong and confident in a gym setting; psychologists believe this idea of dressing the part--dubbed "enclothed cognition"--may actually improve your workout performance. RELATED: 9 Fitness Trainers to Follow on Instagram "This instructor is terrifying." Trainers often boast big muscles and a big attitude--butthoseare job requirements, not scare tactics. With a quick introduction, you'll realize they don't bite. Swan urges, "Don't be afraid to talk to us." And building that rapport benefits your actual workout, explained Freeman. "Creating a relationship with the instructor will also make it more likely that they pay extra attention to you throughout class," Freeman said. Top-notch instructors will usuallyask if anyone is a first-timer and introduce him or herself first and inquire about whether you have any injuries or limitations, Swan added. "We want to get to know you!" RELATED: 24 Motivational Weight Loss and Fitness Quotes "WTF isthis machine?" Equipment like rowing machines, Pilates reformers andboxing bags may feel foreign if it's your first time trying themout, but you don't let that keep you from class. The easy fix: Get there early and ask for a quick tutorial (if the staff doesn't beat you to it!). "I suggest arriving at class at least 10 to 15 minutes before it is scheduled to start," Freeman advised. Plus, you can often get a peek at the class right before yours for a little preview of what you're in for. "Did that girl just grab 20-lb. weights?!" Relax, you're not atthe CrossFit Games. In other words, it's not a competition. Comparing your abilities to the gal beside you can also set you up for injury, Freemancautioned. "Never do anything you aren't comfortable with, and don't give into peer pressure. Everyone is different and everyone's bodies respond differently to different weight loads," she said. "Screw the 20-pounders and grab the 5-pounders if that's what you're feeling. Even I won't pick up a weight bigger than 8 pounds--ever!" Instructorsare also there to help you with yourequipment needs. "We can usually gauge your level. Don't be ashamed either if you have to grab something lighter. Form is way more important," Swan said. "If you are not sure, you can grab two different set of weights, just be mindful of your space." RELATED: 11 Best Exercises to Get Strong, Toned Arms "I'm the only one sweating--and it's only the warm up. I hate this." Don't let the first 10 to 15 minutes make you fear the rest of the session or feel out of shape. If you've never tried thattype of workout, you're likely putting to workdifferent muscles, and your body will need to adjust to the challenge. Think about it, "Did you fall a few times as baby when you started to walk?" Swan asked. "I don't expect anyone to come into my class and not struggle a little. Some of my clients used to hate my class, but then they realized that I really do have your best interest in mind." "I am so uncoordinated I should just leave this class." Not trying to be harsh, but news flash: No one is looking at you. So just do your best! What matters is that you're moving, not that you're moving in perfect sync with your entire class. "It's over, and I survived." Whether you hated your sweat session or totally drank the Kool-Aid, you did it, so congrats! After class, Swan said, you should regroup with the instructor: "Talk to us again! The first class is overwhelming, and we understand that--we also want you to come back. We are here for you." RELATED: 7 Fitness Trends to Try in 2016 Keep in mind that there are some workouts you may not fall in love with right away or they take a few tries to get the hang of, explained Freeman. "That said, you will likely know the first time that it's something you could see yourself getting into. For those classes, give them a round two for sure." If at any point you felt unsafe or just didn'tlike how the class madeyoufeel, there's no shame in checking it off your list for good. "Move on and try something else," Freeman said. "There are lots of options out there." This article originally appeared on Health.com. http://www.foxnews.com/health/2016/01/12/9-tips-for-your-first-time-at-fitness-class.html

[beepbeepmahoney]

Trich tips

So I’ve had trichotillomania since I was a kid, and here is a collection of the tips and tricks I’ve gathered over the years to cope with it:

1. Wear mascara

It can feel counterintuitive to bring attention to something that is already an insecurity of yours, but sometimes it can make a huge difference. For some people seeing the black smudges that mascara leaves behind when you pull at it can be a huge turn off to pulling, and can help you stop. Try using a nourishing formula like the Physician’s Formula mascara in the green packaging, it will help make lashes stronger when they start growing back in. Or at the very least, it won’t be terrible to remove and will strain your existing lashes less. Also, try oils to remove mascara and eye makeup. I like coconut oil personally. Oil can help moisturize your lashes and let them grow in stronger.

2.  False lashes

If you don’t have lashes or don’t feel comfortable putting on mascara, try false lashes. You don’t have to go big or go home, you can always try wispy or demi wispy lashes and see how you feel about them. Once you learn how to apply them, you may very well find that you love them. Seeing yourself with lashes can be a huge motivator to keep you from pulling them. Do be careful not to pull too hard when removing them, though. Also, try not to glue them to your actual lashes if you have them. Newly grown in lashes can be very delicate and you can end up ruining some hard work. Most lash glue won’t be strong enough to really pull that hard, but you should still try to be careful.

3. Shave your brows

I know how it sounds, but don’t freak. Only do this if you actually think it will help. When you pull hair out, it takes longer to grow back than shaving. We know that. So, honestly, shaving them is 10000% better than ripping them out. Over time, pulling and plucking out brows will make them uneven and they can stop growing back eventually. Shaving has none of these problems. And no, it doesn’t make hair grow back weird or thicker. If you want to rock the shaved look, go right ahead! It looks bomb. If not, try playing with makeup! Eyebrow stencils exist so that you don’t have to worry about drawing them on perfectly every time. There are plenty of tutorials out there for shaved brows, and I highly recommend looking at drag queens and how they do their brows to get an idea. It sounds weird, but most of them do cover their brows and start from scratch, so it can definitely help when learning how to do brows. Practice does make perfect, so don’t despair if you can’t do it perfectly the first few times.

4. Try a pixie cut...or shorter

I’ve shaved my head about 4 times at this point. It’s not for everyone and I would never recommend it if you don’t feel comfortable with it. But it can definitely work for some people. I personally love it because it is physically impossible to pull when you don’t have hair. But having short hair can have the same effect. Trying a pixie cut, shaving your head, just having short hair in general can severely reduce the need to pull for some people. Partly because it’s nigh on impossible with some short cuts, and partly because changing things up can throw you off a bit and maybe help with those impulses. Think of it like a shock to the system, resetting you to a place where pulling is the last thing you want to do when everything feels so new and potentially strange. This isn’t for everyone, but it can work if you’re comfortable enough to try it.

5. Hair dye

Sometimes a new color can provide the same sort of reset as a new cut. When we pull hair of the same color for so long, it becomes comforting in its constancy. But changing that can make it hard to keep to the old routine of pulling. Seeing the hair come out the wrong color can be kind of disturbing, and really can make a difference in your impulses to pull. I highly recommend  an “unnatural” color, like blue or a bright red, something that you can definitely see and acknowledge as tangible. Some might do well with blonde, but that can also go badly in its own way. For one blonde is a lot of work to keep up. And honestly, the whole point is to try to think positively about your hair or not think about it at all, and blonde can make that hard when you’re worrying about toning and brassiness and roots. It can also be kind of hard to see when pulled out, and can make pulling seem more okay, resulting in more of it. Try a low maintenance color, like black or purple. I personally love purples that fade to grey because it gives you a fun sort of hair adventure while it fades rather than being something to worry about redyeing, but that’s just my opinion. It can be fun to do this yourself if you’re short on cash and want to just go grab a box of dye from the store, but it’s also important to be educated on what you’re doing. It’s definitely safer to go to a salon and get this done. It’s also expensive. I’ve done my own hair for 4 years and I know now what I’m doing. But the beginning was an absolute shitshow. I’ve had some color disasters in the past, hence the 4x head shaving. To be fair, that is because I bleach a lot and have no problem shaving my head, but that’s beside the point. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you’re safe and educated on the method of dying and what it means to dye your hair. And I don’t mean the philosophical meaning, I’m talking about the upkeep and things like that. BE SAFE

6. Try fidget jewelry

This is more a general anxiety tip, but it does work to help reduce pulling due to anxiety. Try getting some fidget jewelry to give you something to play with. It can be spinner rings, those necklaces with the spinning cores, or any jewelry that helps you focus on something other than pulling. I like basic rings, I tend to wear my class ring and an antique-style one that I like. You should be careful with necklaces and bracelets, as spinning them or pulling on them can end up hurting you, which is kind of counterproductive. I’ve heard great things about these sites for actual stim and fidget jewelry:

http://www.stimtastic.co/

http://fidgetclub.com/collections/fidget-jewelry

You can also just use regular jewelry that you like, but those are some options for jewelry with the intent of reducing or redirecting in situations where it’s needed. There’s also toys and cubes for people who would enjoy those more.

7. Sleeping pills

This probably only applies to some of us, but I know it applies to me so I’m gonna go ahead and add it anyway. If you pull at night because you’re too anxious to sleep or you can’t sleep, or whatever the reason, try sleeping pills. I personally like the brand MidNite, they tend to knock me out quick and easy. They’re also melatonin and natural and such, so that’s good. If you’re unsure about this, talk to your doctor and see what they say. I’m not saying to go right ahead and chug some cough syrup or dive right into some hardcore sleeping pills, just try melatonin or something to see if it helps you any.

8. Treat yo self

Have a spa day or something. Make a hair mask with coconut oil, do an eye mask and a face mask, try a body scrub, take a bath with a bath bomb, try a new skin lotion, blah blah blah. Do something for you. If it’s specifically geared towards helping out hair growth like a hair mask and scalp massage, that’s great! If it’s literally just you hanging out in the bath with a book and relaxing, that’s also great! As long as it’s something that helps you chill for even an hour or two, it can help take the edge off the need to pull. When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, it is more than okay to take some time to get your shit together before you start pulling and end up feeling worse afterwards. Life is fucking stressful, sometimes all you need is a minute to collect yourself and deal with what’s going on.

9. Be open about it

If you feel comfortable talking about it, do. To your family, to your friends, to your pet, to strangers, to whoever you can. It can feel nice to talk about how you feel about trich, and it can help you to build a support system. Don’t feel like you can’t talk to anyone about it. It sucks, and it’s not your fault. You should be free to feel comfortable with the reality of trich, even if that reality sucks. Hiding away from those close to you will only make the world feel smaller and more claustrophobic, and that sure as hell won’t help you in the long run. If all else fails, there are plenty of people in the world who share the same issues as you, even if you don’t know it. Find a community online if you can. It can make a world of difference to just have someone to complain to who can empathize.

10. Know it’s not your fault

Okay. This always sounds a lot easier than it is. But it isn’t your fault, and you should know that. Trich isn’t something you can learn to think of positively, or even come to terms with really. You can live with it, because you have to. But it is okay to think that trichotillomania is awful and hateful and disgusting and terrible and not be okay with it. This shit sucks so much, and it can eat my entire ass. But despite the fact that it’s awful and should go fuck itself, it’s not any of our faults. We can’t fix it, and we certainly can’t cure it. That awful, shitty feeling we have after pulling isn’t gonna just disappear. And the compulsion will always be there. But we can’t do anything about that, so we have to deal. So you pulled out all your eyelashes? That sucks, but it’s done. And it’s not like you wanted to. Not your fault. Eyebrows gone? Not your fault. You didn’t want them gone, but they are. Bald spots? Still not your fault. None of us want this, none of us appreciate it, none of us are responsible for it. The only thing we can do is find ways to deal with the aftermath, and try our best to keep that damage control from being necessary in the first place. And if we don’t succeed at that, there are ways to deal with it other than anger and self-loathing. Find some peace in this shitty situation. You deserve that and more. We may not be happy with our disorder, but at the very least we can find ways to deal with it constructively.