#and i really emphasis sorry if i take a while! this is a family owned computer so i do not have access to it all of the time

[shag0hod]

im opening up commissions!!!!!!!!! as it says up there i am taking cash through Paypal and cashapp! (which ill dm the usernames to you when the time comes of course!) you can either dm me here on tumblr, or you can ask me for my discord! whatever works best for you.

if you would not like me to post your commission art just let me know, and of course if theres any questions be sure to ask :]

my examples are under the cut, reblogs are appreciated ^_^

[nyxronomicon]

no, cause you're absolutely right with your tags. i too put that thought in the bag of dark thoughts that i should never open but i thought of you and said there is always someone who will be able to understand me lskdk and your tags,,, nodding fervently at your tags because i don't see him as a stepbro cause i love the age difference too lol but

i love love love love the idea of him coming into your room at night and waking you up with his fingers inside you and the bulge in his pajama pants pressing from behind. I also imagine him sitting on the couch when it's just you two, he invites you to join him to watch the game or something and it ends in him cockwarming you while playing with your nipples, you can't do anything but take it and feel it throb inside you until he finally cums inside you, but you have to do it fast before your mom/brother (choso maybe megumi) gets home from work <3 so the idea of being caught is very attractive to me

Sigh... *opens dark fantasies filing cabinet and pulls out stepdad Toji folder*

omg you did this on purpose... cockwarming while he plays with your tits??? my WEAKNESS and you added the risk of getting caught RIP RIP RIP i'm DEAD .... i'm sorry... i'm sorry for the sins... my pussy wrote this i swear...

cw: !! DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT !!, stepdad!Toji x f!reader, reader is university age, age difference, dub-con (coercion & implied somno), reader has major daddy issues, reader is touch/attention-starved, corruption, pussyjob, cockwarming, praise, titplay, risk of getting caught, slight edging, size (emphasis on Toji's big dick) pet names: princess, angel, good girl, reader is referred to as "step-daughter" but not as a pet name lol 2.2k sinful, sinful words

Your mother didn't even tell you she remarried. You got home from college for the summer to find a stranger and his son living at her place. You were resistant to the whole idea, but she made you promise to give them a chance and spend time with them. They were family now, after all.

Megumi was just a year older than you. He had one more year of university before graduation, so he was in a similar situation as you. You thought maybe you could bond about it, but he wasn't very talkative and showed more interest in his video games than you.

Your new stepdad... Toji Fushiguro. You didn't even know where to start with your thoughts on him. He was sleazy, shameless, and a little more friendly than you'd like. You couldn't really figure out what he did for work, and to be honest, you wouldn't be surprised if he didn't do anything. Your mom was a chronic workaholic, constantly gone on work trips and spending late hours at the office. She could easily support the three of you on her own.

There was another thought about him that clawed at the back of your mind. The one you immediately compartmentalized, the forbidden knowledge that once fully synthesized in your mind, you wouldn't be able to erase. It remained in a little bottle, threatening to shatter every time your stepfather got home from the gym. Or took you out to dinner. Or watched a movie with you.

You tried to include Megumi as much as possible at first, if only you have a buffer. Hanging out alone with Toji felt weird. It felt wrong, though you couldn't quite pin why. But Megumi was entirely disinterested in spending time with his dad, and only marginally more interested in getting to know his new stepsister.

After a couple of months of getting used to Toji, you were starting to notice things you liked about him. He was actually there for you, for one. Your mother was never around and in the past, and she never kept a man around long enough for you to have any kind of father figure. It was just you and her, but more often than not, it was really just you. You didn't realize how lonely you were at home but with him here, at least you had someone to talk to.

You let his sleazy comments slide. The few times you'd gone out with friends, he made sure to tell you how sexy you looked. And when you got home, he grilled you on if there were any guys you had an eye on. It always flustered you, reminding you of the forbidden thought trapped in that bottle. But as long as you didn't think about it too hard, it would stay bottled up, where it should be.

You hated to admit that your mother was right. That you liked your new stepdad after giving him a chance. You liked the banter, and he was always complimenting you. He made you feel good about yourself. So in turn, you let him get away with more. When you'd watch TV with him at home, you started cuddling with him. He was warm, comforting. Maybe you were a little old to be cuddling with your stepdad, but he smelled so nice and you always wondered what it would be like.

Your mom was at a conference. Megumi was gaming in the other room. It was like any other night, and you and Toji would be left alone as usual. You were half asleep, cuddled up to his chest, when you felt a hand on your breast. It took a second to process, your gaze suddenly shooting up to your stepdad, who froze in place.

"Oh," he smiled sheepishly. "Still awake, huh?" He whispered.

Your mind instantly replayed the number of times you'd innocently fallen asleep like this, only to wake up horny and wet. He was always sleeping himself, but surely he wasn't so brazen that he made a habit of groping you, his step-daughter, while you slept.

"What are you doing?" You whispered back, glancing at Megumi's door, which was open just a crack. You wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but his hand remained on your tit.

Toji pouted a little, gazing down at you. He knew it was wrong but he always had a weakness for naive college girls. "Sorry, your mother has been gone so much lately, I'm a little... pent up." His finger lightly brushed over your nipple, sending pleasure up your spine.

"Toji, we can't..." You whispered, though you made no motions to stop him. It felt good. He smelled divine. The living room was dark, only lit by the glow of the TV screen. Megumi could emerge from his room any minute and that only made this hotter.

"I know, I know." He agreed with you, but his fingers kept kneading your breast. "I just really like spending time with you. I wanted to take it a little further. Make you feel good." Heat flooded your body. You were sure if he could see your expression, he'd know about the dark thought threatening to take over.

You and your mother had the same taste in men. Admittedly you'd always been fixated on older men, maybe trying to fill the void the lack of a father had. But he filled that void perfectly. The reason it felt weird to spend time with him was because you wanted this. You wanted him to touch you and praise you. And you wanted more.

"I'll stop if you want me to." He added. It was too late, the desire in your body burning a hole in your innocence. The buried feelings you had for him shattered that tiny bottle. You wanted to fuck your stepdad.

Your face felt hot. You looked at the TV, playing sports highlights that you couldn't care less about. The sound was loud enough that you couldn't hear the clacking on Megumi's keyboard. And the sinful thought that entered your mind was that Megumi couldn't hear anything happening in here, either.

"No..." your voice was nearly silent. "Don't stop."

His eyes widened for a moment, movements paused. "Oh?" The empathetic smile on his face was replaced with one of a predator. The man could have torn himself away from you a moment ago but now? Even if you changed your mind he'd be playing those words in his head over and over until he could coerce them from your lips again. "You sure?" He added, in an attempt to appear more respectful than he intended to be.

The glow of the TV highlighted your features as you looked back at him. Your eyes were big and soft, like you were on the verge of taking back the permission you just gave him. Before you could say a word, his free hand tilted your chin, pressing a tender kiss to your lips. All the while, he massaged your breast again, your body melted against his.

"It's ok, princess. Just say the word and I'll stop." His voice was sensual, a soft murmur in your ear before his lips pressed to your neck. Shivers ran up your spine and you arched your back, giving him easier access to your collarbone.

It felt so good. His undivided attention, his touch, it was like a drug that you couldn't get enough of.

You knew you should tell him to stop as he tugged you onto his lap. You straddled his thick thighs, feeling his bulge against your clothed cunt. You knew how wrong it was for you to let him lift your top. The feeling of the forbidden pleasure coursed through you as he peppered kisses on your breasts. He was married to your mother. Thoughts of her long erased by his lips wrapping around your nipple. His tongue flicked the bud as your breathing became unsteady. He had a kid your age. But Toji Fushiguro doted on you, his son in the other room nearly forgotten as his thick fingers felt your pussy through the thin pajama shorts you wore.

Finally, finally you were the favorite. His fingers pushed your shorts and panties aside, sliding his cock into the space between the fabric and your wet cunt. It didn't matter that your mother ignored you in favor of the revolving door of your her lovers anymore. His thick girth was nestled perfectly between your pussy lips. You didn't need to grasp at straws trying to relate to your uninterested stepbrother. Toji's tip danced at your entrance, making you tingle with anticipation as you let yourself drown in his affection.

"So fuckin' sexy..." He mumbled against your breast. The praise nearly made you whimper, glancing at Megumi's cracked door as you bit your lip. "Wanna do me a favor?"

Words still escaped you, meeting his gaze with a shy nod of your head. It was almost cute, as if you were trying to play up the innocent act. Toji wanted nothing more than to flip you on your back and fuck you mercilessly on the couch until you were screaming his name. Get you to admit you'd been flirting and leading him on this whole time. After all, what kind of a slut shows this much interest in her stepdad? But with Megumi in the other room, he needed you quiet. And he knew just the perfect way to tease you.

"Just want you wrapped around me for a minute." He pushed his hips up so you could feel his cock sliding in your folds.

"Toji, we..." you trailed off a moment, considering how desperately you wanted to say yes. Your eyes were on Megumi's door again, dreading the idea that he could get up at any moment and find the two of you like this. "We shouldn't." You whispered.

"It's not sex." His hands were on your ass, encouraging you to grind against his dick. Your body moved with a mind of its own, the friction adding to the heat bubbling in your core. "Just a little cockwarming. It's no big deal."

"I don't know..." You knew there were reasons to say no but none of them came to mind anymore. You were so needy and horny and you felt yourself melting into every touch.

"It'll feel good. Don't you want to feel good?" He pressed his lips to your ear, whispering softly. His finger found your clit, toying with the sensitive bud as you rolled your hips against him.

You didn't answer, freezing up while pleasure coursed through you. Your cunt ached, desperate to be filled with him. You buried your face in his neck, panting as you whined silently in response.

"C'mon, princess." He fingered you faster, a sadistic grin spreading on his face. You were close. He could tell you were close from how fucking wet you were. Even his balls were soaked. "You want me to stop?" He slowed his ministrations, watching your reaction carefully.

"Don't stop." You immediately murmured. Your core frustratingly teetered on edge, frowning at your stepfather for toying with you like this. "Fuck," you moaned softly, careful to remain as silent as possible. You'd had sex before but college boys were nothing compared to him. You'd never ever wanted someone so bad. "I wanna cockwarm you..."

"Good girl." Toji grinned, and the praise went straight to your cunt. He lined himself up, your natural slick more than enough lubrication despite his size. It was a tight fit, he slowly eased your hips down until he bottomed out with a groan. "So good for me... my perfect angel..." admiration dripped from his lips.

The praise alone was enough for your pussy to flutter around him. Your back arched, a lewd expression on your face as your gaze met his. He smirked, now knowing how easy it would be to make you cum. "Stay still for me, princess. No matter what." You eagerly nodded your head, hoping for more praise. But he said nothing, instead groping your tits before latching on again.

He paid close attention to your irregular breathing. As his tongue and teeth tugged at your nipple, one of his hands toyed with your other breast. His free hand slid down your torso and into your panties, swirling around your clit. Your breath hitched, your cunt tightening around him. Feeling how full his big dick made you. You were getting close again as desire bubbled in your core.

You sighed with ecstasy, obediently doing your best not to move around. Slick now drooled onto the base of his cock, your sweet pussy clenching around him as your pleasure heightened, a familiar heat swirling within you. You felt so sensitive, fighting the instincts that were desperate for friction. You bit your knuckle holding back the moan that threatened to burst as Toji's movements sped up.

Your whole body tensed up, your orgasm suddenly and violently washing through you. Your cunt squeezed him as he helped you ride through the pleasure, his hands now gripping your hips to hold you in place. He continued to suck your tit, although his movement slowed to allow you to breathe. Still, he refused to pull out until he felt an aftershock or two strangle his cock.

"Such a good girl." Toji murmured in the shell of your ear, tugging you against his chest and leaning back onto the sofa.

@sourpeachsayshi

[wildemaven]

first anniversary | dieter x poppy

A Sweet Creature

Ava Greene sits down with actor and friend, Dieter Bravo. Hollywood’s new leading man gets candid about life in front of and behind the camera. He talks about his latest movie, his commitment to his sobriety and his newest role— husband?!

Ava Greene: You're approaching three years sober now, how are you feeling?

Dieter Bravo: Probably the best I’ve felt in a long time. Sobriety is a day to day progression that I take very seriously, and I try to not lose sight of that even when I’m having bad days. Though, I’m grateful bad days have been few and far between at this point in my sobriety. I can attribute that to the support system I have built for myself through friends, family, my sponsor that I still work with and most importantly my wife who keeps me grounded daily. They all continue to keep me in check and remind me how awesome my life is, especially right now. Staying clean is a full time commitment, and it’s really a beautiful thing.

AG: You followed in your famous parents footsteps by going into acting and your career and struggles with sobriety have been well documented but your parents have rarely commented publicly, are they supportive of your work and your journey?

DB: For me, I don’t need them to make a show of it by commenting or sharing their thoughts publicly to know they support me. There was a point in time where they did all they could do for me, but ultimately it had to be my choice to make the decision to get clean. Thankfully, we’ve been rebuilding our relationship over the last few years. And being in the public eye for most of our lives, the last thing we want is for outsiders thinking they have a say in our lives. In short, yes I have very supportive parents in all aspects of my life and I’m so happy for that.

AG: This is your second project since rehab, are you viewing this as a comeback or a fresh start?

DB: Comeback? I didn’t know I left… Kidding! Sure, some might say it’s a comeback. A fresh start. Whatever analogy best fits the narrative is fine by me— and I don’t mean that negatively in any sense. I mean, you’ve known me long enough to know I just try not to focus on any of that stuff, messes with my fucking brain waves. I just see it as me doing what I love with a new perspective and a different approach to choosing what projects I’m going to give my time to than I have in the past.

AG: What can you tell us about this project and the character you're playing?

DB: I had the best f*ckin’ time while shooting this film— sorry, but the emphasis was needed. I was really drawn to the vibrancy that this script evoked, even with the serious nature of the storyline and characters. I couldn’t stop thinking or talking about for weeks afterwards. I’d sit with my wife at breakfast and we’d discuss the script and my character for what felt like hours. I knew after I heard her feedback that I needed to be apart of this film— she might have said I’d be stupid to say no to it, in her own loving way.

The film is really about the process of rediscovering yourself. Navigating the challenges that come along with being at your lowest point and leaning on the ones who have been there for you. It’s about finding love in its purest form when you never thought you were deserving of it.

I found bits of myself in this character as we were filming, it was very much a cathartic experience for me. I guess you could say it was art imitating life in a weird way.

AG: There's already been some buzz about this year's award season, do you think this is finally your year?

DB: Ooooh! Is it too presumptuous for me to say yes?! I’ve started dusting the spot where I plan for it to go. I sound like some sort of pompous idiot! Now no one is going to go see it!*

I take it back!

In all seriousness, ‘cause I’m sure Poppy and my agent will be rolling their eyes when they read this. If all I get is a couple nominations, that alone feels like winning. A shiny statue would be nice though— just saying.

AG: You've talked often about your love of art and you recently purchased a gallery. Are you planning to publicly pursue other creative endeavors?

DB: I won’t be joining American Idol anytime soon if that’s what you’re asking. Oh, you weren’t referring to my ability to hold a note during our many karaoke nights— noted!

How did you put it? Other creative endeavors? I’ve got a few art pieces in the works right now that I’m itching to dive back into when I get home. I’ve got a major gallery in LA lined up later in the year for an artist spotlight exhibit, they’ll be housing some of my work through the next year. Shoutout to my wife for getting that all lined up while I was away shooting this film.

AG: What's next for Dieter Bravo? Any other projects lined up you can tell us about?

DB: I’m looking forward to some downtime I have coming up. Poppy has the summer off, so we’ll get to finally live that newlywed life. Settle into the role of doting husband while she does her thing at the gallery.

AG: Off the record, if you got married and didn't tell anyone I will kick yours and Poppy’s ass!

DB: We’re celebrating our one year this month actually. We eloped quietly last year right after we got engaged— wanted to keep it to ourselves for a little while. Which reminds me, you and Bryony should hop on a call with Poppy after this. Seeing as I let the cat out of the bag and this is our announcement— surprise!

Huge shoutout out to @gnpwdrnwhiskey for allowing me to borrow her Ava from Conversations with a Movie Star for this. Ava was so gracious and even wrote the questions herself. I’m so grateful for Lellen and all her support and advice she had given me throughout the writing process of Sweet Creature!

Sweet Creature Celebration

[kitty-meowskers]

AVENTURINE RAMBLE ALERT!!!

tw: suicidal tendencies/ideation? let me know if i should add anything because im not used to needing to add this stuff- im usually goofy abt him but ive been thinking about this for a while now

aventurine puts quite the emphasis when he tells us that he doesn't make deals he can lose

yet he doesn't seem to hesitate to risk his life, doing it willingly even, like in the final victor light cone where it was down right unnecessary

sorry pal but no sane man would do that, it's almost like he craves to 'lose' one of these gambles, like dying would be a kind of victory in and of itself.

and in a way, taking his backstory into consideration, it does kind of make sense...? he doesn't have anything to live for other than being the sole survivor of the massacre. he was bought as a slave because he was lucky enough to survive. he climbed the ranks because he was lucky enough to win the bets he made, the bets he made in hopes of regaining his freedom. but at some point it wasn't about regaining his freedom anymore. even as one of the stonehearts, all he is is a chip for the ipc. and he's accepted it.

he cant get out of the system (unless he dies) and he's accepted that he's just a tool. it's even mentioned in his first meeting voiceline.

"Your humble servant Aventurine at your disposal, just a cog in the machine called the IPC's Strategic Investment Department. Nevertheless, I can also play the role of friend if needed"

(wow promoted from slave to servant)

before the thrill of the gambles was 'If i win this, i'll finally have a little more freedom' but now it's are 'if i lose this, i'll lose it all' (a part of me considers that this is where kakavasha became aventurine)

he's a coward in his own way to me. i think the majority can agree that this man is suicidal (HE FUCKING ATTEMPTED MULTIPLE TIMES JUST TO 'CHECK' IF YOU COULD ACTUALLY DIE IN THE DREAMSCAPE WTF??) but he's suicidal in the way that although he does want to end his life, he's too scared to do it directly by his own hands.

but also perhaps it's not just fear. as the only avgin left he also feels the burden of making sure his people don't just 'go extinct' (for lack of a better word). his family put so much faith in him before they left. would it really be ok for him to give up like that?

(side note: he mentioned before he didnt really appreciate the rain. perhaps the two are related?)

so instead, comparable to a person who stops checking for cars before crossing the road, he gambles, willingly risking his life, in hopes that his luck will eventually run out by itself...

i love him guys. i promise.

[im-sleepdeprived]

Seasonal • Pt. 2

pairing: peter parker x reader

summary: inspired by the taylor swift song ‘peter’ where you and peter discover just how hard it is to hold on to something from your past, no mater how much you love each other

a/n: things are progressing :)) right now im picturing this series as 5 parts, also i’ve been getting tons of requests and TRUSTTTT that as soon as this series is over I’ll be working on those🫡

warnings: none really, some (lots) angst, some pining, there are some time skips both forward and backwards and I don’t have them marked (sorry !) but theyre pretty easy to spot imo, healthy family relationships :(

masterlist, read part 1 here

You blew out a breath as you set down the last box. “Ok, I think we’re done sweetie,” said your dad from his spot across the room. 

You collapsed on the bed, exhausted from hauling boxes into your new dorm. The place you’ll be living for the next school year. “Your mom’s already in the car, said she couldn’t handle this part.”

You sat up and smiled. “Yeah, I don’t know if I can either.”

Your dad chuckled. “Come here kiddo.” You stood up and walked over, your dad pulling you into a warm embrace. “If you need anything, just let us know, we’ll be here faster than you can blink.”

“I’ll be okay,” you whispered. 

“And…try to make friends honey. It’s a new place, new people. Get out there, okay? Promise me you won’t just lock yourself in here all the time.” 

“I promise,” you pulled away. “I actually have an orientation to get to in about an hour, I’m sure I’ll meet tons of people there.” 

“I love you,” he squeezed your shoulders for emphasis. “I know this was hard for you, breakups-”

“Dad I promise I’m fine.” You didn’t want to talk about this at all, let alone with your father. 

He stared at you for a while before seemingly giving up. Your dad let out a sigh, “Fine. But if you decide this isn’t for you, if you think college completely sucks I’ll come pick you up in a heartbeat.”

You smiled and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks, Dad. Tell Mom I love her.”

“Will do kid,” he ruffled your hair. “Now let me get outta here before I start sobbing.”

You laughed and gave him one last hug before waving him off. You fell onto your bed again and let out a sigh. Across the room stood another bed, empty. For now. You hadn’t met your roommate, and you didn’t really want to. You weren’t in the mood for introductions and small talk. You weren’t even sure if you were up for going to that orientation you’d told your dad about, it was recommended, not mandatory.

There was only one person you wanted to talk to, whose voice you craved to hear. The problem was, it was the one person you couldn’t call. 

Columbia definitely wasn’t going how you thought it would.

Your first week flew by, you’d met all of your professors and for the most part, they were all pretty nice. You’d even made some friends; a girl named Marissa and another one named Lola. You’d met them both at the freshman orientation andthey were really sweet. You ended up going after your dad had sent you a little reminder (you wondered if he had known you were lying) and you figured it couldn’t hurt. They were nice enough people and it was good to get to know your peers. Your roommate, Lindsay, had come in on your second day, but apparently, she was dating some dude who owned an apartment right off campus and she spent most of her time there.

Clubs and all different frats and sororities were camping out in little booths all around campus trying to get new members. Seeing the photography club’s booth sent a sharp jab of pain through your heart every time. It was even worse when you realized one of the biggest photography classes was in the building right next to the English building, which is where most of your classes would be taking place. For your whole time there. 

It was one day a couple of weeks into your classes, you were exiting a class where you been debating whether it was better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. Some students were talking privately, but the teacher had overheard them and made it a class discussion, exclaiming that she thought it was 'a trendy enough subject to raise engagement and break the ice’.

Then as you stepped out of the doors to your class, a flyer flew in from beside you and landed right at your feet. When you picked it up you realized it was a flyer for the annual photography competition. It was actually a pretty big thing around here and you’d heard a few students talking about it. 

You didn’t usually believe in signs but these seemed pretty clear. 

Without overthinking it, you pulled out your phone. 

hey

saw something abt photography and thought of you lol. how are you hows school so far ?

You bit your lip in anticipation. You weren’t expecting him to reply right away but…you were nervous he might not have even replied at all.

He was the one who’d said maybe no contact for a while might help, but he’d also said you could call him whenever, and he’d be there for you, no matter what.

i was just thinking about you

The words made your heart skip a beat as you saw them sprawled across your screen. 

school’s great, still trying to get the hang of things but it’s gotten easier

my roommate’s kinda boring, but maybe that’s for the best. he could be a crazy person

You laughed until another message showed up on your screen. 

how’s columbia? is it everything you dreamed it would be?

no of course not. we were supposed to go here together, we were supposed to BE together. i can’t go anywhere without thinking of you and all i want to do is call you and hear your voice and for things to be okay between us again. 

But you couldn’t send that. 

yeah ! it’s great but like you said, lots of adjusting haha

are you happy?

And you weren’t sure what it was exactly, but something about that text made you tear up. Were you happy? The answer should’ve been an automatic yes, you’d gotten into your dream school after stressing all year about it, you had got the classes you wanted, and everything was seemingly fine. Great even. But you couldn’t shake the hollow emptiness you’d been carrying since graduation. 

You’d gotten what you’d wanted, yes. It just wasn’t how you’d imagined it. 

yeah i am :)

glad to hear it ace

look ive got to go i have a class starting. talk to you soon

bye pete

bye

It wasn’t normal. At least, it wasn’t your normal and you hated it. But maybe now, it was.

Your heart raced when you saw the notification. You were so close to tapping it, reading the whole thing but you held back. Columbia’s acceptance emails went out today and you and Peter were supposed to open yours together. 

You were waiting for him on the fire escape bouncing your leg up and down anxiously. Checking your phone for the time again, you decided you’d just call him. 

“Hey Ace,” you heard his voice through the speaker, along with an array of other noises. 

“You’re out. Are you out? It’s okay, we can talk later.” You replied quickly. 

Peter chuckled on the other end. “No, it’s fine. I’m just swinging.”

You frowned. “I thought we agreed, no swinging and talking. You get too distracted Petey.”

“No you agreed Ace, I just politely listened.” You could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Peter,” you said in a warning tone. 

“Sorry, sorry.” He laughed. “I’m on my way.”

“Oh?”

“Duh. I know what today is, I got my notification. I’m almost there.”

“Have you checked?”

“‘Course not Ace,” he chuckled. “Have you?”

“No, no way, of course not.”

“Great, I’ll be there in five.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then,” you pulled the phone away to hang up and you could hear his protesting. Quickly, you yelled into the speaker, “Watch where you’re swinging babe!” And you hit the red button. 

He always said he preferred swinging on call with you, but there’d been too many close calls of him almost swinging into a building or in front of a car for you to be okay with it. 

Sure enough, in almost exactly five minutes Peter landed on your fire escape, feet on the ground, perfectly contact. 

“Good, you're here.” You rushed over and pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek as he swiped his mask off. 

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, “Thank you for waiting Ace, I’m sure it must’ve driven you crazy.”

“No, I’m good.” You said too quickly to sound true. 

He laughed. “Okay,” he pulled away and gripped your shoulders. He shook you slightly and grinned. “Let’s do this!”

You sit down on the floor cross-legged and unlock your phone. Peter followed suit as you stared at him. You both pulled up your applications, ready to see the change in your status. 

Accepted or denied. 

A new door to your future, either opened or slammed in your face.

“Ready?” He asked you gently. 

“Yeah, are you?”

He nodded. “Okay on the count of three. One. Two. Three.”

You clicked. You almost didn’t want to read and you were sure if Peter weren’t there you would’ve stalled a little more, but the words were in front of you now. 

Dear Y/N Y/L/N,

Congratulations! It is a pleasure for me to inform you that you have been accepted for admission to Columbia College.The faculty and staff would like to commend you on your past accomplishments, which formed the basis of our admission decision in a highly competitive pool of applicants. We look forward to working with you in your future academic endeavors. Please visit the Welcome to Columbia website at:

You stopped reading. Your mouth hung open and you couldn’t believe it. You kept rereading that first sentence over and over as if it would morph before your eyes and call you out for believing it in the first place. 

You looked up. Peter had a similarly awestruck expression on his face as he met your eyes.

“What does yours say?”

“What does yours say?”

He laughed. “Nuh-uh. I asked first Ace.”

Silently, you hand him your phone, letting him see for himself because you can't even form the words. You got in. 

It didn’t take him long, probably only reading the first few words before he put the phone down and pulled you into a tight hug. 

“I’m so proud of you Ace,” he whispered. “See? I told you you’d get in.”

You squeezed him. “I love you so much Petey, but come on you need to show me yours, s’only fair.”

“Don’t wanna,” he mumbled into your hair. 

Your brows furrowed. Why wouldn’t he want to show you? It would only make you happier to read his acceptance letter as well. You pulled away and reached for his phone on the floor. Peter didn’t stop you. 

Dear Peter Parker,

The Committee on Admissions has carefully reviewed your application to Columbia University, and we are sorry to inform you that we cannot offer you a place in—

You couldn’t believe it. You read it over and over and over again. Never once in a million years did you think Peter wouldn’t get in. The boy was a fucking genius and you couldn’t believe they would reject him. 

“Ace it’s not that big of a deal, honestly-”

“What? Of course it is,” you looked up at him, anger coursing through your veins. “They’re fucking idiots. They’re pieces of shit and this,” you held up his phone, “this is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever seen.”

He cracked a small smile. “Actually, that’s my phone. With you on the lock screen mind you.”

You weren’t feeling it. “Peter, they suck.”

“Obviously not if they accepted you.”

“Nuh-uh,” you shook your head quickly. “I don’t wanna go.”

“What?”

“No,” you shook your head some more. “I don’t trust people with such terrible judgment to lead me into my ‘future academic endeavors’. I don’t trust those little shits at all.”

“Ace come on, you don’t mean that.” He gave you a look. 

“No, I totally do. Actually, I might just-”

He cut you off, leaning in and pressing a kiss to your mouth. But just as soon as it’d begun, it was over. Peter leaned back, “That always works whenever you’re too worked up.”

“Peter,” you said, and your voice sounded defeated. 

“Ace listen to me,” he cupped your face and stared straight into your eyes. “You are going to go to that school, and you’re gonna love it. There is absolutely no way I’m running this for you.”

“You’ll ruin it by not being there,” you mumbled.

“No, I won’t. Because you’re going to be too busy blowing everyone's mind and being the absolute best version of yourself that you can be.”

You laughed softly but it held no humor in it. “But we were supposed to go together.”

“But that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying it without me. So what if I didn’t get in? I applied to other schools, greatschools. And if I really feel like it, I can always transfer, it’s easier that way isn’t it?”

“And what about us?” You bit the inside of your cheek anxiously. 

“Nothing’s gonna happen to us Ace,” he smooshed your face making you laugh. “Just because we aren’t going to the same school doesn’t mean we have to break up.”

It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You weren’t aware of just how terrified you’d been for the future of your relationship until he’d said that. You know people had little to no faith in high school relationships but…something was different about you and Peter. You were sure of it. You’d get through this. 

You made your way through the halls. You were in an old building, one of the campus’ firsts, and you were on your way to the newsroom. Today was your first official day and to say you were nervous was an understatement. You knew how serious this was, they were the second-oldest college daily paper in the country, and they didn’t just let anyone onto their team. You were ready to prove yourself and prove that you’d be a great addition to the news staff. 

Also, you needed something that would get you to stop thinking about Peter. You’d talked a few more times after that first week, and it was always you who initiated your chats. They never went past simple hey’s and how are you’s and then one of you (usually Peter) had to run off. It was so strange for you to think that once you two could’ve talked about nothing and everything for hours and now you could barely get past simple greetings. 

You stopped in front of a door, checked the number beside it to make sure you had the right one and took a deep breath before turning the handle. 

You heard all the commotion before you saw it, confirming your suspicions that this was the newsroom. Before you, the room was filled with desks, each one supporting its own computer and keyboard, most of them filled. Some desks were neat and tidy, their chairs empty, looking as if they hadn’t been touched. Others were the complete opposite, you couldn’t see the surface of them, they were covered in stacks and stacks of papers, loose pencil shavings, and various other items. 

There was a whiteboard on the same side of the wall as the door and it was almost completely covered in lists, locations, and time stops for certain activities. There were copies of different editions of the paper framed and hanging on the wall. You smiled, this was perfect. 

Suddenly, you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around and came face to face with a guy who looked to be a couple of years older than you. He had cropped black hair and stubble covering the entire bottom half of his face.

“First day, right?” He asked you. 

You nodded quickly and offered him your hand. “Y/N Y/L/N.”

He accepted it and nodded. “Yeah, I remember you Y/L/N, your try-out piece was good. Really good.”

Pride bloomed in your chest and you gave him a smile. “Thanks. Where do you want me?” You gestured at the room. 

He narrowed his eyes slightly before giving you the smallest of smiles, a little quirk on the sides of his lips. “Straight to business, I like that. Think we’re gonna get along pretty well Y/L/N, come on.” He started walking you through the room and introducing everyone and their roles. “I’m Brandon, the editor, over there we’ve got our photographers, that girl,” he pointed to a redhead working at her desk, “Alyssa, she’s editor-in-chief. Helps with things I can’t get around to and when there’s an overload of articles, like now.

“It’s not usually this crowded in here, usually the only people always in here are the writers but, you know, start of the school year,” he gestured vaguely, “lots of new editions, things to be sorted.” He stopped in front of one of the desks that looked like it hadn’t been touched. “This is your place. Actually, we already have something for you to work on.”

You sat in your chair and got adjusted. “Great! Anything.”

He smirked. “We need someone to cover the new bathrooms opening near Kent Hall. Good luck,” he tapped your desk before heading off to deal with other things.

You stared for a bit, when you’d said anything that wasn’t really what you meant, but you figured you had to start somewhere. 

“Don’t worry,” a voice spoke from beside you and you turned towards him. “They do that to all the newbies, it’s like a right of passage or something. Write the shitty articles for the first few months, prove your worth, or some bullshit like that.” He rolled his eyes and gave you a small. Holding out his hand he said, “James Blake, nice to meet you.”

You returned his smile and shook his hand, “Y/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you too James.”

He grinned. James was blonde, he had a dazzling smile, and striking green eyes. Honestly, he looked more fit for a magazine cover, not a newsroom. “Well Y/N, I was in your shoes last year. It gets better,” he sent you a wink. 

You laughed, “Actually, I don’t mind. I’m just happy to be here.”

“That’s the kinda attitude that’ll make you editor in a few years if you want it,” he clicked his tongue and leaned back in his chair. 

You tried not to blush, his gaze was intense and you had a feeling he was trying to gauge what kind of reaction you’d have, though you weren’t sure why. “Right now the only thing I’m worried about are those new bathrooms near Kent.”

James laughed. “Fair enough. If you need anything, I’ll be right here. Don’t be shy to ask for help.” He winked at you again and you thanked him before turning on your computer and getting to work. 

Your first day in the newsroom was mostly getting used to everything. The people were cool, you had a great time getting to know them all, and you could definitely see yourself working here for the rest of the year, even longer than you hoped. You’d written down the keynotes for your article and had planned to start working on it later that week after you walked over to Kent Hall and got a look for yourself. It was a lousy topic, sure, but that would stop you from trying your best and proving yourself. 

It was true what they said, your first semester does fly by. Or at least that’s what you’d heard and now you understood. It was December now, almost winter break, and you almost couldn’t believe it. 

Your first article on the Daily Spectator had gone over pretty well. It was small, practically pointless as it was shoved somewhere in the back where almost no one looks, but Brandon liked that you didn’t just half-ass it and he’d started to (gradually) give you better topics to work on. You were hoping that by the end of the year, you might get your hand on one of the campus hot topics. 

You’d gone out a few times, Marissa and Lola from your first week were always inviting you out to different places andyou envied their easygoingness. You’d accepted a few times but you always went home earlier than them, you never seemed to really fit in those places.

Tonight, you were going out with a few of your friends from the newspaper. Over the past couple of months, you quickly became close with some of them, especially Alyssa. Even James, who was an okay guy, if a little cocky, but overall they were all good people.

One of your favorite things about Columbia was its campus and the fact that it was in the city. Walking around now, the snow glittered under all the lights, reminding you of the stars you and Peter used to watch together. You looked up at the empty sky and wondered if he could see any stars where he was now, if they reminded him of you. 

You walked into the restaurant and took off your coat. You were wearing a simple sweater dress with a high neck and a pair of ankle boots. You spotted Alyssa sitting at a table waving you over and you smiled as you walked towards her. 

“Hey everyone,” you took a seat beside Alyssa. Directly across from you, James shot you a grin.

“Hey Y/N, we’re still waiting on Nikki and Gavin,” Alyssa said. Her phone dinged and she checked it before saying, “That was her, they’ll be here in 5.”

Conversations flowed around the table and soon, Nikki and Gavin arrived. Everyone was laughing and having a great time and when the waiter arrived to take your orders, it took you a second to notice.

“Let me guess your order,” James leaned over the table with a small smile as the waitress started going around the table. 

You grinned. “Go ahead.”

“Hmm…” he opened up the menu in front of him and pointed to a listing of words. “Shrimp?”

Laughing, you shook your head. “No.”

“Okay, okay. Are you vegan? Any food allergies I should know about?” He wondered. 

“I’m getting the Fettucini Alfredo, what about you?” The way he gasped you thought you’d asked him to take his pants off right then and there. 

He shook his head, “I can’t believe you ruined the game. I was supposed to guess Y/N.”

You winced. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright, have you ever tried their steak?” He gave you one of his infamous smiles, “It’s great.”

“No actually, I haven’t been here before.”

“Really? Alright wait,” he held up a hand and turned his head. You hadn’t even realized the waitress had gotten to you. “I’ll have the ribeye, medium rare. And same for her,” he pointed towards you. 

You stared as the waitress turned toward you. “Any sides?”

“Um, the seasoned fries with a cherry coke please.” You weren’t really sure what to order anymore, James had just completely thrown you off. 

When the waitress finished up and walked away to hand your orders in, James turned toward you again. “You’re gonna love it, you’ll see.”

Jokes were shared around the whole table throughout the whole dinner and you were glad you got to have a night like this before finals week. James kept asking what you thought about the steak and while you didn’t hate it, you didn’t love it either. It wasn’t what you had wanted. But you didn’t want to hurt his feelings so you smiled and told him it was great. 

By the end of the night, you were stuffed and ready to go home. “You sure you don’t wanna join? Nikki said she hooked up with one of the security guards once and she thinks she could get us into the VIP section.” You had just finished paying for your food and Alyssa was currently trying to convince you to head over to some club with them. And you might’ve been tempted if your phone hadn’t just buzzed in your hands. When you looked down you saw that it was a message. From Peter. 

Your heart fluttered in your chest. He texted you. 

“Sorry Lyss, I’m not up for it,” you made a face, “I’m pretty sure I’m about to start my period and I’m feeling a little off.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the complete truth. 

She nodded in understanding. She pulled you in for a hug, “Alright, well if you need anything, let me know. And if you change your mind, the address was sent in the group chat.”

You smiled at her when you pulled away. Alyssa had the sweetest soul of anyone you’d met and you were glad to call her a friend. “I will thank you, and that goes for you too. If you need a ride or anything, let me know and I’ll come pick you up. And turn on your location.”

“Already done,” she grinned. You returned the grin and said your last goodbyes to everyone before making your way to the door, you were itching to step outside and open your phone. But instead, a hand gripped your shoulder. You turned around to see James smirking as he looked at you.

“Leaving so soon?” He asked. 

You nodded, “Not really up for clubbing tonight, but you guys have fun!” You made to pull away but he held you back.

“You sure,” he furrowed his brows, “it’s not that late. If you come, you don’t even have to stay long.”

Smiling, you nodded again. “Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks for asking though.”

“Anytime,” he shot you another grin but…it wasn’t quite right. He still looked handsome as ever, sure, but if you didn’t know any better you’d think he looked a little disappointed. “Well, have a good night Y/N.”

“You too James, bye.” You waved at him and walked out the door without looking back. As soon as you were out the door, your phone was opened and in your messages app, opening you and Peter’s chat. 

hey ace, how’ve you been?

hey pete <3 i’ve been good, just finished dinner with some friends. what about you ?

that’s nice I hope you had a good time.

i’m good thanks. 

actually i wanted to ask what your plans for winter break are

nothing actually, you ?

i’m coming back home and i was wondering if i could see you

Your heart almost stopped. He wanted to see you.

You tried not to get your hopes up, it probably meant nothing. Obviously, you were still friends, or friendly, and maybe he just wanted to catch up. You could only share so much over text. Or maybe….maybe he’s been missing you just as much as you’ve been missing him and he’s realized all this was a big dumb mistake. 

Maybe you were getting your hopes up. 

i’d love that

when do you get here ?

You two stayed texting back and forth your whole walk home. He sent you a picture of his ticket and told you he and May would love to have you over the next day. You couldn’t fight the giddy smile that took over your face. You were ecstatic he reached out to you and you realized your texts together had probably been off because he was nervous. You knew how anxious he could get sometimes, and you hoped you could resolve that when you saw each other. 

You settled in your dorm that night with your heart full and your face lit up. You hadn’t felt this overjoyed in a long time. You wondered what made him bite the bullet and ask, but you could ask him that when you see him. God, you were gonnasee him. This was all you’d been wanting since the summer and now the opportunity just fell into your lap.

You sat on your bed and fell asleep staring out the window with a smile on your face. 

Graduation was right around the corner. The last week of school was a blur. Everyone was throwing parties, teachers were cutting you extra slack, and people who’d never hung out once in the four years they went to school together were all over each other now. It was sweet in a way. As much as you’d all complained and whined about everything, there was a sense of familiarity here, with each other, a community that was coming to an end and it was nice seeing people try to savor it while they could.

Peter had gotten into Duke. You were beyond excited and proud of him and you knew he was excited as well. But you couldn’t help the tiniest part of your brain that selfishly wondered what that meant for you. And honestly, you were scared to ask. 

Peter hadn’t brought up anything about your relationship changing or anything else of the sort, so you thought he’d come to the same conclusion you had; you were going to try to do long distance. 

Sure, it might be hard but honestly, it was better for you than the alternative, which was ending things. You would definitely choose long-distance over that. So you tried not to worry too much, he was probably thinking exactly like you. 

You were sat in a booth at an ice cream parlor with MJ and Ned sitting across from you, and Peter beside you, arm slung over your shoulder. He’d been acting a little weird lately and you hoped this would help cheer him up, it was probably all those end-of-the-year jitters. You were all laughing together, going over all your (least) favorite memories from school.

“Who remembers when Flash brought all those stink sprays to school?” Peter said. 

“Oh my god,” Ned started in his seat. “Some kid tripped over his backpack in fifth period and set them all off! The whole class smelled so bad they made us evacuate!”

Everyone cracked up but Ned wasn’t having it. He shook his head quickly, brows furrowed in confusion. “Why are you laughing? It’s not funny! I smelled so bad my mom wouldn’t let me in the house, she made me rinse with the hose in our front yard!”

That just made you all laugh even harder. “Oh my god,” you wheezed out. “I can’t breathe.”

MJ reached across the table and grabbed your hand. Looking you dead in the face with a serious expression she said, “Breathe girl.”

The whole table roared with laughter again. “Why did he have all those bottles of stink spray anyway?” wondered MJ.

“Knowing Flash he probably thought it was cologne,” grumbled Peter, making you laugh again.

 Once you’d quieted down Ned leaned back in his spot and sighed. “I’m really gonna miss this.”

You looked around, trying to fully take in this moment. You had no doubt you would all manage to stay in touch but when was the next time you would all be hanging out like this? MJ was headed to Sarah Lawrence, Ned was going to MIT, you (of course) were going to Columbia, and Peter was going to Duke. Five hundred miles away from where you were going to be. 8 hours 27 minutes and 36 seconds.

Sure in the grand scheme of things, you were all still relatively close to each other but…you’d have separate lives. For so long your lives were so intertwined with each other’s and now, you’d have to fight to keep that connection otherwiseyou’d lose it. You reached under the table and grabbed Peter’s free hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. You would fight.

Peter squeezed your hand and you leaned in closer to him. “I’m gonna miss it too,” he said in a soft voice. 

“Not me, I can’t fucking wait to get out of there. You guys keep talking though.” MJ said straight-faced making you giggle. You were thankful for her brutal honesty cause you were pretty sure if the conversation kept going in the other direction, it would end with you crying, and you didn’t want that. 

The group of you finished your ice cream while talking, got even more ice cream, talked some more, and suddenly you could see the sun setting outside.

“Holy fuck,” you muttered, shoveling a spoon of double chocolate chip into your mouth. “I really thought we’ve only been here for five minutes.”

“Well, now we know what you need to work on before college, Y/N. Your time awareness, we’ve been here for hours.” MJ smirked. 

You all laughed except Peter, who squeezed your shoulder and frowned. “She doesn’t need to work on anything, she’sperfect.”

You smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek, “Thank you, Petey.”

He grinned cheekily at you, “Anytime, Ace.”

Mj rolled her eyes and cut you off with a loud groan. “Oh. My. God. We get it, you are disgustingly in love.” But you didn’t miss the small smile gracing her face. 

“You’ll live,” you deadpanned.

She grumbled something you couldn’t make out but before you could ask her what it was, Ned’s phone started ringing. He picked it up and answered.

“Hey mom…already? But…” his voice quieted down. “Ok, ok I’m sorry. Yes, ma’am. Bye.”

He hung up and you were all quiet for a moment before he said, “I changed my mind, I’m so ready for college.”

He dropped his head into his hands, grumbling about something like it’s not funny! while you all laughed. Finally, he stood up. “I actually really do have to go though.”

You all stood up as well, saying your goodbyes. “Yeah I think we should get going too, what do you think?” Peter asked you.

You nodded as you pulled away from your hug with Ned. “I still need to pick up my cap and gown from the dry cleaners.”

Ned nodded, “I got mine earlier today.” You high-fived him and he walked over to Peter and you watched as they did their complicated handshake. They’d claimed otherwise when you’d said exactly that, stating it was just advanced, which you’d said was just geek for complicated. 

You snorted as they did their little finger guns. “Dorks,” you muttered. But you loved it. 

“You can say that again,” MJ agreed, and you knew she loved it too. Staring at her for a few seconds, you launched at her with your arms open and pulled her into a tight hug. She tensed up right away. “I know of your aversion to physical touch, but right now I don’t care,” you murmured, “you’re my best friend and I love you.”

To your surprise, she relaxed into your hold and even hugged you back. “I know I give you a lot of shit,” she whispered back, “but I love you too. All of you. And I’m gonna miss you like crazy.”

“We’re definitely gonna hang out, like all the time, don’t even worry about it.” You reassured her. It was already a pain that Peter would be so far away, you weren’t going to take your closer friends for granted.

She hugged you tighter, “I’m gonna hold you to that Y/L/N.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Jones,” you pulled away and gave her a wicked grin which she returned. Peter approached the two of you, placing a hand on your shoulder he said, “Ned just left.”

“Bye Parker,” she held out a closed fist for him to bump with his, “you’re pretty decent. She bumps you up to Okay.” She nodded towards you which made you blow her a kiss. 

Peter chuckled as he fist-bumped her. “Thanks, MJ, I actually think you’re pretty great.”

She nodded, “Yeah, whatever. Still pretty decent.” She moved past you guys and waved as she exited through the door. 

Peter sighed and leaned his head over to press a kiss to your hairline. “Hey,” you started, “at least you're ‘pretty decent’ Ifeel like it could’ve been worse.”

“That’s actually exactly what I was thinking,” he said as the two of you walked out of the ice cream shop. You laughed and leaned in closer to him. “I’m not ‘pretty decent’ to you am I?”

You looked up at him seriously, “Do you think I’d be here right now if you were?”

Peter laughed and you could see those crinkles around his eyes that you loved so much. You always measured how good your jokes were by how deep they were and right now, they were pretty deep.

He squeezed your shoulder, “Whatcha staring at Ace?”

You shook your head, “Nothing, you’re just really pretty Peter Parker.”

You could see him blush out of the corner of your eye and it made you smirk. He smiled again, deep and beautiful as ever, and the crinkles were back. “I think you’re prettier Ace.”

Shaking your head, you smiled, “Not a chance pretty boy, you’ve got me beat.”

Peter’s face turned beet red at the nickname and you knew you won. “Hey,” he said in a voice that let you know he was trying to change the subject, “you what you said to MJ back there? Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“Well, you told her she’s your best friend.”

“Okay…” you trailed off as you weren’t quite sure what he was trying to get at.

“Well, I thought I was your best friend.” That made you smile, but when you looked up at him again he was doing the opposite and you just wanted to kiss it away. 

“Petey,” you said softly. You would’ve laughed if he hadn’t genuinely looked so dejected. “You are my best friend and so is she. It’s like how Ned is your best friend, but that doesn’t mean I’m not your best friend too. I think a person can have more than one best friend.”

He frowned and it was obvious your answer didn’t appease him. “Ned is not my best friend.”

Your mouth fell open. “What?! Of course, he is Peter, what are you talking about?”

He shook his head, “But he doesn’t outrank you. He’s my friend but you’re more.”

Now it was your turn to frown, “Outrank? This isn’t a competition sweetie. Where’s this coming from?”

He sighed and paused his walking. You leaned in and pressed a palm to the side of his face. “Peter,” you pressed in a gentle voice. 

He turned his head and pressed a kiss to your palm before sighing again. “I’m sorry, that was stupid, it didn’t even make sense. It’s just…everything is changing, y’know? And I’m scared. ”

Your heart twisted. “I know Pete, it is scary. But we still have each other, this doesn’t have to change anything. I’ll always be here for you no matter what, no matter how far away you are. Plus, we still have all summer before we have to worry about that.” You gave him a small smile. Peter stared at you for a moment and the silence made you anxious. His eyes looked sad like he was already saying goodbye. Finally, he leaned in and kissed your forehead.

"Promise me no matter what, you'll remember I'll always be your friend."

Your brows furrowed but you agreed. "Of course, I promise."

He blew out a long breath and pulled you into a hug, “I love you, Ace. Always.”

“I love you too Peter.”

Today was the day.

Today was the day that the past twelve years of your life had led to. All those sleepless nights, insanely late nights, hours upon hours spent hunched over books and worksheets and essays. This is what they were for. 

You had woken up early to get ready, but also because you couldn’t sleep you were too excited. You had already done your hair and makeup and were scrolling on your phone until it was time to get dressed when a message from Peter popped up on your screen. 

morning ace ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

MORNING !!!!!!!

excited huh?

SUPER !!!!!

i love you

cant wait to see you

The plan was for Peter and May to come over and take photos before you all left for the actual ceremony. 

I LOVE YOU MORE XOXO

literally, what are you waiting for come over right now 

way ahead of you

Right after you read the text there was a tap on your window, making you jump in surprise. You rushed over and pushed it open, letting him in. 

“Hey Ace,” he said, pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

“That was quick,” you replied. 

He sat on your bed and patted the spot next to him signaling for you to sit as well. Taking up the spot beside him, you grinned at him and leaned in to pinch his cheeks. “What’s wrong Petey? Aren’t you happy you’re graduating?”

He smiled but his eyes didn’t crinkle like they normally do. “Hey,” you pressed with a gentler voice, “sweetie is something wrong? You can tell me.”

He blew out a breath and fell back onto your sheets. “I don’t know how.”

You played on your stomach and propped yourself up on your elbows, “That’s okay, we can figure that out together,” you ran a hand through his hair, admiring the softness of his curls. You always liked it like this, and when he got it cut, he’d started to keep it a little longer than he used to because he knew you liked it. 

He looked up at you and you realized how tired his eyes looked, he must’ve been spending more time on patrol lately. You made a mental note to make sure he spent the rest of the summer sleeping well.

“How did I get so lucky to have you?” He murmured and you felt your face heat up at his words. 

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, “wished upon a star maybe?”

He grinned. “Maybe, because there's no way you’re not magical.”

You matched his expression as you leaned down and pecked his lips softly. When you moved to pull away his lips chased yours, refusing to let you go that simply. 

Somehow, you don’t even remember how, you’d moved and suddenly you were straddling his hips and his hands cupped your ass. You moved one of your hands up to his hair, letting your fingers slightly tug at his curls, making him groan into your mouth. 

You could feel his hands gently pulling you down and you obliged, grinding on him as your lips attacked each other. All of a sudden, those same hands on you were being used to flip you over and the next thing you knew, Peter was towering over you, panting, lips plump and red, face flushed, and eyes hazy.

You pulled him back down but there was a knock at your door, making you both jump. Quickly, you held up a finger to Peter’s lips, making sure he didn’t make a sound.

“Y/N honey, are you up?”

“Yes Mom!”

“Alright, well get dressed and come out for some breakfast, we’re gonna need to leave soon.”

“Okay I’ll be right out.” You waited until you heard her footsteps retreating before you moved your finger. “Sorry about that.” You whispered. 

“It’s fine Ace,” he smiled and leaned down to press kisses all over your face and neck. You giggled but then remembered he came over for a reason. 

Pulling him back by the hair, “Wait, Pete, what was it you wanted to tell me?”

He stared at you in shock, as if he couldn’t believe you remembered. “No um, actually, it can wait. Go eat breakfast,” he kissed right beneath your ear, “I’ll see you in a little bit.”

You grabbed him and pulled him in for one more long kiss. “I love you,” you smiled sweetly at him, “and I’m so proud of you.”

He stared at you for a moment before he grabbed both your hands in his, “I love you so much Ace, and I need you to know that please.” His expression was almost pained, as if the thought of you doubting him for even a second caused physical hurt. 

“Of course I know that Pete,” you frowned slightly. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” He smiled. Or tried to smile, because once again those crinkles beside his eyes that you loved so much weren’t there, and you had a feeling there was something he wasn’t telling you. But you trusted him, if there wassomething that needed to be said, he would’ve said it.

“Okay,” you leaned in and kissed him, “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye Ace,” he said and walked to the window before crawling on the wall. The first time you’d seen him pull out that trick you’d told him he looked like a lizard. 

Finishing getting dressed, you stepped out to have a quick breakfast so you could see Peter faster. Soon, Peter and May were in your apartment and she and your parents were all fawning over the two of you. Peter had given her his camera and she was on picture duty for the day since he would be occupied. 

“Okay enough,” you said, taking off your cap and situating your hair. “It’s graduation you guys, not prom. Enough with the poses.”

“Oh, we all remember that,” Peter rolled his eyes making you smirk. The three of them had driven you guys insane with all the poses, the fussing, your dad’s jokes. And you and Peter had surely antagonized them to no end, rolling your eyes and grumbling. It was almost like being split into teams, sometimes, and you found it disgustingly cute how May got along so well with your parents and you and Peter always had each other’s backs. 

“We should probably get going, we don’t want to be late,” your mom spoke up and you shot her a grateful look. 

Peter looked at you. “You’re riding with me?”

Grinning, you answered, “Duh. I’ve got the playlist completely ready.”

He beamed at you and held out a hand, “Let’s go graduate Ace.” You took his hand and shot a smile over your shoulder towards the rest of your group. “See you!” 

“Be safe!” You heard your Mom yell at the same time May said, “Drive carefully Pete!” But you and Peter were bounding down the stairs, your faces lit up like the 4th of July.

“Do you have the keys?” You asked him once you stepped out the door of the building. He smirked at you, “I thought we get there another way,” he flexed his wrists. 

“Absolutely not, Peter.” You backed away from him, “Possibly the worst time to swing anywhere.”

He laughed and grabbed your hand, pulling you into his hold, “Relax Ace, I was only joking.” He fished out the keys to May’s car from his pocket and waved them in front of you. “I can’t wait to hear your playlist.” He dropped to give you a kiss before leading you to the passenger’s side door and opening it for you. 

“Good,” you smiled as you pulled your seatbelt on and reached for the aux cord. “‘Cause I’ve been working on this for weeks.”

Peter just smiled from beside you and started up the car as you pulled up your playlist. “Okay, I know this probably fits more for after graduation, but I’ve been dying to play it so we’re listening to it now and on the ride home,” you informed him before pressing play on ‘The Spins’ by Mac Miller.

“Whatever you want Ace,” he said as he placed his hand on the head of your seat, turned his head, and turned the wheel as he backed out. Blood rushed to your face as he pulled the car out of its designated parking spot. “But I wanna hear that One Republic song.”

You knew which one he meant. “Already in the playlist and cued up to play next pretty boy.”

He smiled softly and shot you a look from the corner of his eye, “You’re absolutely perfect, y’know that Ace?” Reaching over the center console, he grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers. 

You lifted your enjoined hands and pressed a kiss to his. “I know, and you’re not too bad yourself Peter Parker.”

He squeezed your hand and held it tight for the rest of the ride as you sang your heart out as if he was scared that when he let go, he wouldn’t have the privilege anymore.

When you arrived at the school, Peter rushed out to open your door and the two of walked hand in hand to the auditorium where all the students were to be gathered until they walked out to the football field where the ceremony was being held.

Entering the auditorium, the place was flooding with students and as soon as you saw MJ you were flying out of Peter’s grip and pulling her into another big hug. 

“There’s gonna be a lot of these,” you warned her. 

“You wouldn’t be you if there weren’t,” she remarked but held you just as tight. 

The two of you took a seat over by the chairs while Ned and Peter hung out closer to the doors. As you were talking with MJ you noticed that it looked like they were in a deep, heated conversation and…were you crazy or did Ned keep glancing at you?

“Any idea what they’re up to?” You nudged MJ and jutted your chin in their direction. 

“Probably talking about how their bromance will make it through thick and thin,” she rolled her eyes but when she noticed you still staring confusedly in their direction she placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, “Relax Y/N, really, I’m sure it’s fine.”

You could’ve mentioned how Peter had been acting weird for weeks now, that he always seemed to be in a different placelike something constantly plagued his mind. You were sure if anyone had noticed it would’ve been MJ since there was no one you knew who was quite as observant as her. You could’ve mentioned these things and tried to gauge her opinion on it, but just as you were contemplating whether or not you should, your principal walked in and started guiding you all to the doors. It was time. 

As students began filing out into the hallways, it was hard to keep track of anyone in the wide array of blue caps and gowns. You had a funny thought of how it kind of looked like a tsunami. 

You needed to find Peter and wish him luck one last time, the poor boy had been basically losing his mind for the past few weeks leading up to today and you wanted to make sure he was alright. Standing on your tiptoes looking around while everyone moved ahead, you finally spotted him.

Shoving your way through the bodies you made your way right beside him. “Hey!”

He jumped a little, looking paler than he did before and your heart deflated seeing how affected he was by today. “God, Ace. Scared me.”

“All those super senses and for what? Anyway, listen,” you placed your hand on your shoulder and pushed him so the two of you were to the side of the hallway and the rest of the line moved freely. 

“Peter, are you okay?” You asked in a more serious voice, hoping he would just come out and tell you what had been bothering him.

You had no idea why but his face got even whiter. “What do you mean? I’m fine.” He chuckled nervously. 

You sighed and gave him a big hug. “It’s gonna be fine Pete, pretty soon we’re gonna be high school graduates driving home.” You grinned up at him. 

He tried to reciprocate, he really did, but you could see the strain on his face while he did, which only tugged on your heart more.

“I know Ace,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “come on, we have to take our seats soon, I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

You wanted to make a joke about how you weren’t sure you could even get in trouble anymore, but it felt like the wrong time. As the two of you walked onto the field, you kept looking up at him but he wouldn’t meet your eyes. You couldn’t wait for this to just be over so you could get your Peter back. 

There was a stage set up at the head of the field, with chairs flanking each end and a podium in the middle. The stage faced all the chairs for the graduating students, which is where you would be in a minute, and the bleachers, which werebehind them, were where all the friends and family were sitting. 

Peter walked you to your assigned seat and you pulled him into one last hug, “I’m proud of you Petey.”

He squeezed you so tight you wondered if he knew you’d be seeing each other right after this ceremony. “I’m prouder than you’ll ever know Ace.”

You waved him off with a smile on your face as he made his way through the crowd. You took a deep breath as you sat down, in a few minutes, your principal was up there giving some speech that you zoned out of in favor of finding your friends in the mass of blue all around you. 

You found MJ with no problem and she flipped you off as soon as she caught your eyes, and you gave her heart hands and a cheesy grin in return. Ned wasn’t far from her and you gave a little wave which he returned with a sad half-smile. Weird…but it was Ned so you didn’t take it to heart. 

When you saw Peter he was already gazing at you with an unreadable expression. Hoping to ease him up a little, you sent a storm of air kisses and you watched as he laughed and pretended to catch them all. 

Pretty soon they were calling the names. You clapped for everyone, cheering a little for kids you were closer with, but going all out for your closest friends. 

When MJ was called up you were hollering like a maniac, smashing your hands together as hard as you could. When it was Ned’s turn you whistled as loud as you could and when Peter was called up, you jumped up, lifted your hands over your head, and screamed. 

You watched his knowing smile as he made his way across the stage, he’d heard you, and after he’d trapped his diplomahe caught you staring and mouthed an ‘I love you’. You smiled happily as you blew him more air kisses. 

You didn’t have it in you to be embarrassed at all. Everyone was going the extra mile to cheer on their friends and whileyou might’ve tried to be less obnoxious on any other occasion, it was your graduation and Peter deserved some obnoxious cheering for how much he’d been stressing lately.

When it was your turn the cheering was returned tenfold. Peter, Ned, MJ, and all your other friends were clapping and yelling for you. You spotted your parents sitting with May in the back and you waved to the three of them excitedly. You heard Peter give an extremely loud whistle as you grabbed your diploma and shook hands with your teacher, which made you grin absurdly. By the time you made it back to your seat your face hurt from smiling so much.

You were buzzing with excitement as you waited for it all to be over so you could go and celebrate with everyone. It seemed like a lifetime till you heard the huge “Congratulations!’ on the speakers and everyone was standing up and throwing their caps into the air. 

The atmosphere was amazing, everyone was buzzing with an energy different than you’d ever felt before and you knew right then, you’d always look back fondly at this moment right now. 

MJ was beside you in an instant and you almost burst into tears at the fact that she was the one to hug you this time. “You were taking too long,” she mumbled and you felt a few tears slip out. 

Soon Ned and Peter were on the two of you and you shoved into a big group hug, which had MJ rolling her eyes. “I only wanted her,” she stated, but you knew that wasn’t true. 

You slipped out when you noticed Ned and MJ congratulating each other and took that as your chance to tackle Peter in a huge bear hug. 

“You finally did it!” You laughed, arms hooked around his neck as he lifted you slightly. 

“We did it, Ace,” he said and you almost melted into a puddle right then when you pulled away and noticed he was smiling. The crinkles were back. 

But they didn’t last long. 

The two of you made your way over to where your parents and May were awaiting you and they all pulled you into a fierce hug. Your mom was a mess and you tried to calm her down telling her if she didn’t stop, you’d be crying right beside her. Your dad was a little more composed but you could still see the emotion on his face. “I’m really proud of you kiddo.” He mumbled as he held you tight. 

“Thank you, Dad,” you sniffled a little. You were barely out of that when May was crushing you with her arms, making you laugh. She was always good at that, cheering you up. 

“I can’t believe you just graduated high school!” She said in disbelief. “I know,” you replied equally as confused. 

Laughing, she pulled you in tighter and pulled Peter in as well. When you looked up at him he looked a little green in the face, making worry flood through you completely. What could it possibly be now? You had yourself convinced, and he did too, that it was just nerves about graduation, that the celebration was reminding him of the reality of growing up and your lives truly starting was hitting him a little harder. You thought that once it happened he’d relax a little and give himself a little time to breathe. Apparently not.

You pulled him away once you weren’t out of May’s grasp and she was talking with your parents. “Peter,” you whispered, your voice filled with worry for him, “you have to tell me what’s going on.”

“Yeah,” he croaked, eyes turning slightly red which didn’t help your anxiety at all. You watched as he stared past you andwhen you followed his trail of sight, you saw May staring at the two of you with a solemn expression. 

Oh no.

You knew in your heart what was about to happen, and yet you wished with everything in you that it wouldn’t. 

“Come on,” he mumbled, grabbing your hand and leading you back towards the school. You followed him wordlessly as he opened the door and pulled back into the halls, the same halls you had comforted him just a bit ago, before the two of you had officially graduated you realized. 

“Peter,” you repeated, a little breathless this time because no, there was no way. He couldn’t be doing this right now, not…not after everything. 

“Ace,” he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. 

“Peter,” you repeated but your voice was harder this time, letting him know that you were done with him beating around the bush. If he was going to do this, he could come right out and say it. 

“I leave in 2 days,” he said quickly. It felt like a slap to the face.

“What do you mean?” Your brain couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. 

He continued as if he hadn’t heard your question, avoiding your eyes as he did so. “Well technically I leave tomorrow, but I arrive the day after so…? I’m not really sure what—”

“Peter!”

He sighed and grabbed your hands, looking you in the face. “Ace, I am so sorry, like so, so, sorry. I wanted to tell you sooner I really did, and I tried! But every time it felt like it would just ruin everything and I couldn’t, I couldn’t ruin it, so I waited and—”

“Peter I swear to god if you don’t tell me exactly what the fuck you're talking about I will leave your fucking imprint on one of these lockers.”

You watched him gulp and you felt a strange sort of satisfaction seeing how you scared him. “I’m leaving,” he said in a quieter tone. “I got accepted into one of Duke's scientific summer programs and I leave tomorrow.”

It felt like a fucking punch to the gut.

“What program,” you said in disbelief, your mind reeling with all this information. “You never said anything about a program.” You looked up at him with a hurt expression. 

“Ace, you’ve got to believe me when I tell you I thought I had no fucking shot getting in, I mean,” he squeezed your hands as he spoke, “really. You should see how exclusive these things are. I wasn’t even going to apply but the dude who gave me my tour around campus convinced me, and then I forgot about it until I got the email, and—”

You shook your head quickly, trying to comprehend everything. “Wait but your tour was months ago.” You looked up at him. “When did you find out you got in?”

His eyes widened and your heart fell at the realization that he’d been keeping this from you for so long. When he didn’t answer you pushed “When Peter?”

“Not that long, I promise, probably a few weeks but I just—it’s been driving me crazy how to bring this up. There was no right time, I mean, I didn’t want to do it before graduation—”

“Well how thoughtful of you to wait till right after,” you snapped back. “No, really, didn’t even give me a chance to get out of the cap and gown!” You pulled away from him and scoffed, not wanting to be anywhere near him.

“Come on Ace, please,” he pleaded, and you dropped your head into your hands. You didn’t want to cry, today was supposed to be a happy day, and it had been! Before all this. 

“When do you leave?” You whispered. You were sure he’d mentioned it but you were also sure your head wasn’t working right. 

“Tomorrow. At night,” he spoke in an equally quiet voice, as if the softer the sound waves, the softer the blow they would deliver. That wasn’t true. 

You held back a sob.

“When do you get back?” An equally important question.

“I…I don’t. The program ends as soon as school starts…May’s shipping my things there.”

It felt as if he was physically tearing your heart out of your chest and stomping on it.

One day. All this time you’d been shoving away dealing with the reality of the situation because you wanted to be able to enjoy your summer, because you believed you still had summer left together and now he was taking that from you. It didn’t even feel like he had pulled the rug out from under your feet it felt as if he had shattered the whole ground. 

“Congratulations Peter,” you said sincerely. This was breaking your heart but deny that this was an amazing opportunity. If anyone in the world deserved it, it would be him. 

“Ace wait,” he moved in front of you, grabbing your chin and lifting it so you had to see his sad face. You wished he hadn’t, you didn’t want to watch him cry. “Please don’t be upset, I won't be able to go if you're mad at me.”

“Well I am upset Peter! Not that you got in, I’m so excited for you, but you didn’t tell me, and you leave tomorrow!” Your voice broke and you could stop the tears as they flooded your eyes and streamed down your face. How could this be happening? Everything was perfect and now this?

Peter pulled you into his arms, “Please don’t cry Ace,” he begged, which in turn only made you sob harder. “I’m so sorry, so sorry,” he murmured as he kissed the side of your head.

“But this isn’t forever. I’m going to come back and I’m going to find you,” he pulled away and held you by the shoulders, making sure you were looking at him, “You’re the only person I want Ace, you’re the love of my life. And I don’t want to hold you back from the amazing life you're going to start at Columbia, I can’t have you going to your dream school with one foot out the door,

“We’re going to grow and learn, and I might not be there for all of it, but we’re going to be together eventually because I want you. This is just goodbye for now.”

You closed your eyes and savored his words. You wanted nothing more than to believe every syllable. 

“Promise?”

“Of course Ace.”

And maybe if you hadn’t been such a fool in love, maybe if you hadn’t been so desperate to hang on to anything that promised the two of you would find each other again, you would’ve known promises like that were rarely lived up to.

hey, sorry but i can’t make it back for winter break. weather issues :(

Your heart fell. 

You were so looking forward to this, seeing him again, spending time with him and May, for things to feel like they were, even if it were for a brief moment. 

You took a deep breath and stared at the two presents on your nightstand. No point in them now. You had gotten the message earlier this morning, around when he was supposed to board, but your phone had been dead.

that really sucks pete, im so sorry

maybe next time <3

He didn’t respond, the only indication you had that he’d even seen it was the little read receipt at the bottom of your text, glaring at you mockingly. You remembered sometime last year when he’d confessed you were the only person he turned them on for.

“Wait why me?”

“You can’t seriously be asking that Ace.”

“Well…I am asking.”

“Because I love you, duh.”

He hadn’t turned them off. You wondered what that meant. 

You knew you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up, knew you shouldn’t have gotten so damn excited, but…god, you really thought things were going to change.

But he had still wanted to see you, he’d still asked you to come over, and it wasn’t his fault his flight got delayed. Talking yourself up a little, you put on your shoes and coat. Grabbing your phone and the presents, you left your dorm. You were going back home, you could drop off the presents at May’s, stop by and see your parents, maybe call Peter if he was feeling up to it, let him know you really had wanted to see him and you were sorry you couldn’t.

It was cold outside and you could see your breath fogging up before you as you walked, but not of it even so much as fazed you. Hope was a beautiful thing, it could change lives, and it was so, so important. Hope was going to be what got you through this time without Peter, and it was going to be the thing that brought you back together. 

Because you believed. You believed him back on graduation. You believed that that hadn’t been the end of your story, itcouldn’t have been. You believed when he said he’d come back for you, that you were the only person he wanted, because you felt the same. And…maybe right now he physically couldn’t but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to. You believed andyou hoped. With your whole heart you—

You stopped in your tracks. It felt like your breath was snatched from your lungs and was being held just above your head, so you couldn’t reach it no matter how hard you jumped. You couldn’t believe your eyes. 

Because when you turned the corner, you saw Peter walking down the street beside his Aunt, laughing like he hadn’t justcompletely shattered your heart. 

What?

You scurried backward, still unable to catch your breath but thankfully aware enough to make sure you got out of the way before either of them could spot you. 

Leaning against the wall of the building behind you, you finally let out a breath, watching silently as it floated and then dissipated before you. He was here…

And he didn’t want to see you. 

You tried to rationalize it as you looked around, it was clearly snowing, and it was getting thicker by the hour. So it wasn’t far-fetched that his flight really was canceled, plus he had sent you that message earlier this morning, so it was equally possible that he might’ve boarded after all, or found another flight altogether. 

And maybe through all that commotion, he had forgotten to update you. Highly unlikely since you’d never known Peter to forget anything, especially when it came to you. But…you’d also never known Peter to lie, not without good reason at least, like about being Spider-Man, or that time Ned got him a birthday gift he didn’t really like, but said he loved it anyway, or any other time he’d lied for the sake of either keeping someone safe, either emotionally, physically, or both. 

He didn’t tell you, and it hurt. But something deep inside you trusted him. Maybe it was naive, maybe it was wishful thinking and nothing more but you knew Peter. You’d know him his whole life and never once would you think he purposefully did something to hurt you, hurt your feelings, or anyone’s actually. 

Looking down at the wrapped-up present you held, your heart tugged a little. You’d gotten him a Lego set, it was a Map of the Constellations Lego set and it was customizable, so you’d made sure it had all of the ones he’s taught you about. The ones you’d stayed staring at for hours on that hill, talking about everything. It even came with customizable Lego people, which you’d made look like you and Peter (or as much like you as you could with Lego bits), and a little telescope.

You felt like a total idiot.

You could’ve gone anyway, could’ve walked right up those stairs, could’ve said you were there to visit your parents andPeter wasn’t the only thing waiting for you here. But while you may have been feeling idiotic, you weren’t a completeidiot. You knew when you were unwanted. Even if he had just forgotten, if he really wanted you there, he would’ve remembered. And he didn’t.

You were tired when you got back to your dorm. Dropping off the presents, (Peter’s going under the bed, you didn’t want to see it at all, and May’s going on your desk. You’d take it with you when you went to exchange gifts with your parents). It was empty and you were thankful that Lindsay wasn’t there. She was a sweet girl, very bubbly, and you could definitelysee the two of you being friends if you ever got to spend more time with her, but for tonight, you just wanted to be alone. 

The end of your bed was against a window and you were grateful for it. Ever since things went south with Peter, you ended most nights sitting at the window. You didn’t know what it was, but you always found yourself looking up at the sky. Maybe it was the fact that anytime you needed him, he would be out your window in minutes, if not seconds. It could be that the sky always reminded you of him. But you figured the simplest answer was probably the right one. You missed him.

 It didn’t matter which window, it didn’t matter where you were, sometimes in certain buildings you could barely see the sky. Most times, you couldn’t see any stars at all. Almost every time. But it didn’t matter. Without fail, every night youwould look out the window.

Maybe you’d see him swinging around, maybe you’d catch a glimpse of those stars you both had loved so much. You weren’t really sure what you were waiting to catch. You silently hoped the silence on both ends meant nothing and he still felt the same. You hoped he meant what he’d said to you all those months ago, that he really would come back and find you. Even more, you hoped that what had happened that night was a dumb mistake, or at the very least had a solid excuse to back it up. You knew teenage romances were almost always doomed, but isn’t that why you’d broken things off? So you both could grow, and earn perspective, learn more about yourselves, and when you met again, you’d share everything you’d learned. Every new experience that had ultimately led to the reunion of the two of you. You could handle this for now, the not being together, if it meant you could have him later. That all this waiting and hoping wasn’t for nothing. You had to hope that even though you were leading different lives, in different galaxies, you both clung to the same dreams, otherwise you’d already lost him. 

You supposed that’s what you sought comfort in every night. You’d look up at the sky and know it was the same one that blanketed him, wherever he was. You shared the moon, the stars, and your hearts. 

You were always a dreamer, a hoper. So without fail, every night, you’d turn on your lamp and sit by the window. 

read part 3 here!

‘seasonal' taglist: @keira-kaz2y5 @imafangirlofeverything

[kwinsispn3]

Enough

@spnfamilyj2m: Hi love, I hope you're doing alright! If this blog is still active, could you do a story where Sam and Dean find out about Y/N's self harm and eating disorder, and she's their little sister? Thank you!

Warnings: self harm, talk of ED/body dysmorphia, very angst and dark. A/N: if you are struggling, please reach out to someone <3. Also, sorry it's so long I went into detail, but I hope I wrote it okay for all.

Pairings: Winchester Brothers x sister!reader, plus Jody

Word Count: 4,317

You had grown up in a male dominant environment. You, Y/n Winchester was usually the only girl around your family and friends, the attention often fell on you because of that. But despite eyes always falling on you, body image wasn't something you really knew anything about, so it never crossed your mind. Well, it never used to.

None of the guys around you, mainly your brothers, never made any comments on how they viewed themselves, on the outside. There was never much emphasis put on physical appearance for you. The only thing on the outside that was a thing in your mind was clothes. You got hand me downs from Sam and Dean, secondhand clothes from thrift stores. Occasionally as you got older, you got to go shopping for new clothes - which became necessary because neither of your older brothers owned any bras.

Then you started high school... and it all changed.

Freshman year... It was like your eyes were opened for the very first time to the struggles of being a girl and your body image. It started when you were sitting in one of the bathroom stalls one day, a group of girls flooded in. They were considered one of the more popular groups in your grade. The group scattered around the sinks, you peeked through the slit in the stall door to see what they were doing. The girls were looking in the mirrors, faces pressed super close with their fingers picking, pulling, moving the skin on their face around.

"Ugh, how do you get rid of a double chin? I swear I'm starting to get one." One girl complained.

"I wish my fat would go to my face, mine's all going straight to my hips."

The girls kept going on and on, commenting on their appearances negatively, while complementing each other positively. You had never heard anyone talk like this before in middle school, before it was all about what outfit you were wearing, which you quickly learned didn't matter to you.

That evening when you got back to the bunker after school, you went into the bathroom to take a shower. After undressing, you caught your gaze in the mirror and stopped. The way you looked in the mirror at yourself that night was different from how you had ever looked at yourself before. You recalled the conversations between all those girls in the bathroom at school, it all began to manifest itself in your own mind.

The shower must have been running for almost a half hour, because Sam knocked on the door. You were normally quick to shower, but you hadn't even gotten in yet. You had gotten distracted looking at every inch of your body, grabbing different areas of skin and turning around to see every angle.

"Y/n? .... you alright in there?" Sam asked lightly.

You panicked. There was no way he would've believed if you were fixing your hair, or taking off your makeup. You weren't even wearing makeup yet, or doing anything crazy to your hair. You couldn't think of anything else, so...

"Uh, yeah! I just.... think I've been a little constipated." You called out, taking a step towards the toilet, giving it a flush. You slapped your head in embarrassment to what you just said.

"Oh. Okay..." Sam awkwardly said before walking away.

"Why's she taking so long?" Dean asked, as he saw Sam enter the library.

"Uhm. I guess she's trying to poop."

Dean made a face that Sam couldn't read, looking confused. "I don't wanna know...."

~

The rest of high school flew by in the blink of an eye. You could say you had a pretty distorted self image. You had good days where you felt confident, but bad days too where you felt self conscious. No one had ever gone out of their way to tell you how you looked. You never had anyone saying you were too thick or thin, it just all came from what you picked up on in your surroundings. The skin on your bones started to feel like it was too much. Seeing photos posted online from your peers in swimsuits and revealing outfits. You knew your brothers would NEVER let you out of the bunker wearing anything like them, but for you, all you wanted was to look thin and fit in your normal clothes. You didn't want your thighs to touch, or your stomach to fold over when you sat down. You really started to take it seriously after graduating high school.

You tried to start thinking about it with a healthy mentality of wanting to maintain a good diet and exercise. You thought, starting to create a good habit of doing so now, would make it easier in the future. But the intrusive thoughts kept creeping in your mind, telling you how you should look, and what you had to do to get there. So, you really started to commit.

You were too far into it at this point. Constantly body checking in the mirror and weighing yourself, multiple times per day. You'd go for runs twice a day, once in the early morning before your brothers woke up, then again in the afternoon. Finishing off workouts with sit-ups and pushups in your bedroom. You'd be lying if you said it was easy to hide from your brothers, they eventually started to pick up on it.

Part of you wanted to reach out for help, you wanted someone to help pull you out of this hellish habit you had dug yourself into. The other part of you couldn't. You couldn't bear to think of what Sam and Dean would think of you if they found out, or what they would do. You did a pretty good job of acting like yourself, normal attitude and all, even though you felt nothing like it. You only wore baggy clothes so they didn't notice how thin you had gotten. The only noticeable change was in your face, the bags under your eyes and how they looked sunken into your face. You chalked it up to a possible iron deficiency which was somehow believable enough for them.

You had a whole thing going, and you didn't... well, couldn't stop yourself. You had accepted that this was your life now, as terrible as it was. All until, a simple trip to Jody's fudged up your whole plan.

You three got out of the impala in Jody's driveway. You were kind of excited to be there, it had been a while since you three had seen anyone else besides each other. Jody happened to be on the way home after a hunt, Sam suggested stopping by after calling ahead to make sure she was home.

"Hey! you guys... and my girl!" Jody greeted happily at the door. You gave her a hug and walked inside. She looked taken back after hugging you, noticing how bony you felt. "What? What's wrong?" Dean asked, noticing her change in face.

"Um, nothing. It's just been a while, y'all have changed." She smiled back, brushing it off for now.

All of you sat down and started to catch up, after almost 2 hours, Jody suggested dinner.

"Is it alright if I order pizza? I didn't get the chance to prepare anything before you guys showed up." Jody chuckled.

"No worries, Jody. Uh, yeah I'm down though." Dean smirked, looking at you and Sam. He said yes as well, and you nodded.

SHIT. Dinner. You didn't even think about that. Jody usually offers dinner when you three visit, knowing how you guys don't get chances to sit down together much.

The pizza arrived and you were panicking. It felt nauseating just thinking about eating. You all sat down and prepared your plates. You picked at your plate, taking the slightest nibble, not able to force yourself to eat any more. Jody noticed immediately, never seeing you behave this way.

"Y/n, you okay?" She asked lightly.

Your heart was pounding. "Um, yeah... why?"

"You've barely touched your pizza..." Jody pointed out, grabbing Sam and Dean's attention.

"Oh, I... I'm just not feeling too well." next thing you see is a hand reaching out and palming your forehead. "Well, you don't have a fever." Dean said while chewing his food.

"No, it's nothing like that. My stomach just feels a little queasy." You sat back, placing a hand on your stomach. You weren't lying, you did feel a little nauseated.

"Well, here, drink some water." Sam pushed your glass of water closer to you. "Just... try and eat a little bit." Dean chimed in.

All of their questions and nagging felt like they were getting to you, they were probably starting to get suspicious. You just couldn't bring yourself to eat another bite, your stomach started swimming and you couldn't hold it back anymore. You jumped up from the table, rushing to the bathroom.

"Y/n?!" Jody called out, rushing after you with Sam and Dean following behind. Jody approached the threshold of the bathroom door, seeing you hunched over the toilet. "Oh, honey..." Jody came over, placing a gentle hand on your back and helping you hold your hair. She turned around to Sam and Dean who were towering in the doorway, making the bathroom feel smaller than it was. She waved her other hand at them, motioning nicely for them to get out.

You were breathing heavily, having nothing else in your stomach to get out. You started dry heaving, Jody sat next to you, attempting to calm you down. As you found even breaths again, you sat down next to the bathtub, letting it hold you up with your hands in your lap. You felt so weak and defeated, and knew Jody was going to start asking questions.

"Y/n.... are you sure you're just sick?" She asked, studying your body language and pretty much everything else. You nodded weakly, avoiding eye contact. She gently lifted your hands into hers, rubbing her thumbs against your palms and your wrists in a calming way. You didn't notice, but she proceeded to feel how small your arms felt in her hands.

Jody's breath hitched, she looked up at you with such sadness and disbelief in her eyes. "Y/n! What is going on?" She asked in a hushed but urgent voice.

You tried holding back the tears, but her words broke you. You knew she was disappointed. Jody looked at you with sad eyes and pulled you into a hug. You accepted and wrapped your arms around her, feeling a sense of warmth and comfort you didn't know you needed.

"I'm sorry..." You finally cried out.

Jody pulled back slightly. "Hey, you don't need to apologize. I just don't want to see you hurt yourself. If you're hurting, you need to ask for help." You nodded again, not knowing what to say. Not wanting to say anything.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but I think you should." She suggested, but knowing she was more politely demanding. "Are you eating?"

There was a long silence. You were barely eating, you knew what you were doing. You just didn't want to admit to it out loud. You gave in and shook your head 'no'

Jody let out a heavy long sigh. "Does Sam or Dean know?"

You shook your head 'no' again, and urgently looked up towards the door, remembering where you were and what was going on. You had really hoped they weren't around the corner listening. "Well, I really think you should tell them..." Jody said. She continued to talk to you about what you were doing and how it was going to hurt you in the long run if you didn't stop soon. She was very mindful of her word choice, careful not to upset or trigger you. You stared blankly at the wall, listening to her spiel, sort of waiting for it to be over so you could go home. You were so tired, and just wanted to sink into your bed and go to sleep so you wouldn't have to deal with everything.

"We all love you y/n. I'm not mad... I will say I am upset to see you like this, but that's because I care about you, and so do Dean and Sam."

"Can you promise me that you'll tell them?" Jody asked.

You nodded slowly in response. "Yeah." You said, barely a whisper. You lied. You didn't want to tell them. You knew you should, but you weren't ready. "Okay, why don't you go wait in the car, I'm gonna say goodbye to the boys." Jody stood up, helping you up and out of the bathroom.

You walked past the kitchen where your brothers were sitting to reach the front door. You could feel their eyes on you, but you didn't engage. You climbed into the backseat of the impala and sprawled across the bench, laying your head down and crying softly to yourself before falling asleep.

Jody came back into the kitchen with both the Winchester boys' eyes on her. Sam looked extremely concerned, Dean just looked deflated of emotion.

"Well...? Is she okay?" Sam asked.

Jody paused. "Well... honestly... no. And, I really shouldn't be telling you this, because she promised me she would tell you both. But... I don't think she's ready to say anything anytime soon, so..."

"So, what's the problem?" Sam asked once more.

"I think... she most definitely has some kind of eating disorder going on."

Sam and Dean were definitely shocked to say the least. They knew their baby sister had struggled with things before like depression and anxiety, but nothing like this. Jody of course made sure that they had an idea to what that meant, which they did to an extent. But Jody still took some time to explain to them the whole picture and how to go about dealing with it for you.

"Thanks, Jody." Sam said as they finished up their conversation and got ready to leave.

Dean was speechless. He couldn't fathom that you felt this way, were doing this to yourself. All under his care and he didn't even know. That's what hurt the most.

"Thanks.... uh." Dean muttered. Jody pulled him into a hug after Sam's hug. "I know, it's a lot to handle."

"We'll be in touch." Dean gave the best smile he could muster up. "Yes, we will. Call me if you need anything." Jody emphasized. Both men gave her a wave as the got into the car.

First thing they did was look back at you, thinking they would have to say something, start discussing things on the way home. They weren't looking forward to it, knowing how upset and vulnerable you'd feel. But you were fast asleep. A little bit of relief washed over them both. They could give you the night to rest, start fresh, and give themselves the night to think. You all got home pretty late, you were still sleeping in the back seat.

"I'll get her to bed, if you wanna unpack the car." Sam offered.

"No, I got 'er." Dean said softly. He opened the back door and slowly scooted your body out of the car towards his reach. He lifted you up like it was nothing to him. Of course, he hadn't recalled the last time he had to carry you to bed, but you were definitely a lot lighter. Dean cringed at how little you weighed as he carried you to bed, setting your frame down on the mattress. He stood there for a moment, taking in your appearance, not wanting to believe that you were dealing with... what you were dealing with. He questioned himself, wondering if there was something he should have done better to prevent you from thinking that way about yourself.

Sam popped in the doorway. "Hey... "

Dean turned around, acknowledging his presence, then looking back once more before leaving the room. He closed your door quietly and stood there still outside of it.

"Sammy, I.... I don't know what to do." Dean paused, not sure if he wanted to continue.

"I know. It's uh..." Sam also at a loss for words.

"I just don't wanna say the wrong thing, or make it worse, but we can't let her keep going like that."

Sam nodded in agreement. "Yeah, well... remember. Jody said we just gotta take it one step at-."

"Yup. Got it." Dean cut him off. The two exchanged looks before going their separate ways for the night.

~

You woke up in your bed, like usual, but slowly started to recall the events of last night. You stared at the ceiling, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to do anything. You looked over at the time to see you had slept in a little bit. Normally, you would've been up already after your first morning run, and then eating "breakfast". But you could feel how much your body was craving that sleep. You returned your gaze back to the ceiling and teared up, and then became silent cries. You felt like such a let down and so embarrassed. Jody knew, and soon your brothers had to know if they didn't already know. You didn't want them to know you had sunk this low.

You got up and decided to just go face them now. Knowing that if you hid in your room all day, they'd get suspicious and come check on you anyways. But, hey, maybe there was a chance that Jody didn't tell them. You immediately smelled breakfast in the halls of the bunker. It wasn't your usual "breakfast" it was actually breakfast. You knew Dean for sure made something for all three of you. You reluctantly entered the kitchen to see them sitting down at the table, with a plate waiting for you.

"Morning, sweetheart!" Dean said with as much enthusiasm as he could without sounding like too much. Sam had a sympathetic smile on his face. Oh shit, they definitely knew.

You sat down, not knowing why. You really wanted to run back into your room and go back to bed. There was a silence that fell over the room.

"Sleep well?" Dean asked.

You had no desire to talk, but maybe you didn't have to just yet if you played along. You had been doing it for this long so far. "Yeah, actually. Feeling much better." You added some cheer into your voice, reaching for the fork and knife next to your plate of scrambled eggs.

The brothers exchanged some confused looks. You knew they were onto you, so, you attempted to eat a little bit of eggs before excusing yourself. "Mhm, I need to pee... I'll uh, finish this later." You said getting up from your seat and leaving the room before they could say anything. So many thoughts crossed your mind walking back to your room.

Why didn't I just stay in my room, I could've avoided that, I feel terrible, I just want this all to stop.

You closed the door to your room, walking over to your bed and sinking down to the floor, leaning against the frame. You needed a distraction from everything in your mind, and proceeded to do the first thing that came to your mind. Reaching in your nightstand for a razor blade, you pinched it between your fingers and held it to the side of your wrist. You took a breath before dragging the blade against the skin, taking a longer deep breath and letting your mind focus on it.

~

Sam and Dean look at each other, so much going through each of their minds.

"Was this too much? Did we try too soon?" Dean fretted.

"I don't know, I can't tell yet." Sam whispered.

They spoke softly as you walked away, but they heard you close your bedroom door, not the bathroom door. Sam let out a heavy sigh. He thought more and more about your behavior over the past year and tried piecing it together.

Both of them agreed one of them should go talk to you. Both of them talking at once right now might make it feel like a lot for you. Dean stood up, taking the plates away, starting to clean up. Sam got up slowly after that and made his way towards your room.

"Y/n?" He called out softly after knocking.

You were so focused on what you were doing, it almost felt like you were in a trance for a moment. Then the noise of Sam knocking registered in your brain, but it was too late.

"Y/n? Can I-" He stopped as he opened your door slightly, seeing you sitting there on the ground with a blade up to your wrist.

You turned around in shock and jumped when you saw him. You broke down as you walked up to the door, almost falling over trying to shut it. Sam was quick to put his hands on the door, not letting you close it. "Sam, stop!!" You rose your voice.

"Y/n! It's okay." Was all Sam could say as he pushed past the door to you. He grasped your wrists, not wanting you to hurt yourself any more. He picked up the razor blade off the ground, quickly putting it in his pocket. "No! Let go, please!" You pleaded.

"Y/n/n, please. It's okay." Sam said in his most calm voice. He dragged you a bit towards the bathroom, your weak legs having no choice but to follow him. Sam turned on the sink, reaching to put your wrist under the running water. You tried to pull away, he gave you a sympathetic look but held your hand there as he reached with his other hand for a few tissues and a towel. You winced in pain as he put pressure with tissue on your cut.

Dean heard the frustrated voices and commotion so he dropped what he was doing and walked towards it, stopping when he noticed you and Sam through the doorway to the bathroom. He saw Sam holding bloody tissues to your wrist and knew.

"Y/n! Wha-....."

"It's alright, c'mon." Sam felt you tense up and guided you back to your room.

"Sam, no. It's not alright." Dean followed closely behind.

"Dean! Not now." Sam rushed. He went and sat you down on your bed, wanting you to feel comfortable.

"Uh, yeah we're gonna do this now... now that she's doing this too!" Dean's voice got louder. You could tell by his voice that he wasn't mad, he was just furiously worried, which was sometimes worse.

"Too?" You asked hesitantly.

"Yeah y/n, too! As in, I don't need you hurting yourself in multiple ways now." Dean yelled.

That was it, you couldn't hold back anymore and let your emotions go. They knew, they knew for sure. You had disappointed them, and got them worried about you.

"Dammit!" Dean shouted, not being able to help himself.

"Dean! If you can't contain yourself, you need to step out." Sam urged.

"You are such a beautiful girl, y/n." Dean ignored Sam. "You know you can always come to us, right? You're scarin' me right now."

"M' sorry, Dean." You cried, dropping your head down and letting your hair fall to the sides. Sam tucked your hair behind your ear, still kneeled in front of you holding your wrist in a towel.

Hearing you in such pain made Dean turn around, taking in the scene in front of him. "No... no, no, no y/n. You don't need to apologize. "I'm just sorry that something or someone around made you feel like you aren't good enough. Not beautiful enough. Cause, that is not the case at all... You are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on." Dean came closer, kneeling down next to you.

His words made their way to your heart and you couldn't help but break down that wall you had built up for so long. You nodded. "I never meant for it to go this far." You cried, still looking down. "Please don't send me away, somewhere. I can't do that. I'll try, I can't go-." You sent your mind into a panic, starting to talk in a frenzy.

"Hey, hey, don't worry. We don't want to send you away....but... we do think you should at least go talk to someone." Sam reassured.

"I agree." Dean chimed in. "A-and we- me and Sam will be here for you, whatever you need!"

You looked up and looked at both of your brothers. You nodded, letting a few more tears go. "I tried to tell you before, but I couldn't..."

"I know bug, it's alright. But, we are in this world to make a mark with our qualities, our talents, what makes us unique. Not our looks. Lead with the inside, not the outside, because that's the part that matters. Sam expressed.

"I just don't want to see you worrying about the wrong things. You are worth so much more than how you look. We love you, y/n. We want to see you love yourself, and you deserve to."

You calmed down and sat for a while with Sam and Dean, listening to their words. You felt a lightness wash over you, feeling a little sense of yourself come back. "Thank you." you said. "I'm scared as hell, but I want things to be different."

Sam wiped your stray tears with this thumb, and placed a hand over your shoulder. "That's okay, that is a great start!"

"We got you, y/n. Always." Dean brought you into a hug with Sam. You let out a much needed breath, relaxing your tenseness, feeling safe and hopeful for the first time in a long time.

[littlehypnone]

Hi hi’s I love your blog and I had an idea for a fic let if youre looking for writing ideas

phantom is new to the ministry and is still trying to adjust and he meets aether and aether realizes he might be a little (phantom maybe doesnt know) and comfort and cuddles ensue

bye bye’s-🍁

im not sure this is exactly what you had in mind, but i cooked up a lil thing, hope you like it!

For the first few weeks since Phantom and Aurora got summoned, they have only heard of the older quintessence ghoul—Aether—that the former was supposed to be replacing in the band. He was away for some additional studies before he would take on the Abbey’s infirmary as his responsibility.

He sounds like an amazing and kind person who, according to absolutely everyone, gives the best hugs. Phantom is a bit anxious about meeting him, considering it's his shoes he was going to have to fill, but he was also excited.

When the time comes, he doesn’t even know that Aether is back. Phantom was practicing for a while—as he does every day now—and he’s exhausted by the time he gets on his way back to the ghouls’ den. They feel their head getting a little fuzzy; something they’re already used to, but still aren’t sure what it is that happens to them.

They yawn as they pad through the big, old corridors. Their size overwhelms Phantom a bit and they wrap their own arms around their body and continue on with their head hung low to only stare at the floor and not the unsettlingly tall walls.

It works well enough until the little ghoul bumps into something. Or rather someone.

They lift their head and gasp, realizing they don’t know the big ghoul that they just walked into.

“I’m s–sorry, sir, I’ll–I’ll g–go,” they mumble as their anxiety rises.

“It’s okay,” the stranger says and Phantom thinks his voice is really nice, “you’re Phantom, aren’t you?”

“Yes…how d–did you know?”

“Oh, I’m Aether,” the older quintessence ghoul announces and suddenly it all makes sense. Phantom sniffs on the air around them and sure enough Aether does smell like pack, safety and home. “Nice to meet you! Are you okay, by the way?”

“Mhm, jus’ t–tired.” They rub their eyes as if for emphasis.

“Hm…” Aether rumbles. “Forgive me for being so straightforward, but would I be correct to assume you’re feeling a little small? Fuzzy?”

“Yeah, a lil’ bit,” Phantom says, immediately feeling like Aether is one to trust. “S’fine.”

“Well, I know we just met, but I heard I give really great cuddles and I’d love to get to know you better, so what about we go to your room and we see if you, too, are a fan of Aether hugs?”

Phantom thinks for a little while, considering the offer. They like cuddles and if the older quintessence ghoul does give good ones…well, they can’t decline, can they?

They nod. “Yes, p–please.”

Aether smiles. “Is it okay if I pick you up?”

“Mhm, uppies!” Phantom giggles and reaches out. The other grins at them and picks them right up as if they weigh nothing. They probably do, at least to him.

The little ghoul instinctively nuzzles their face against Aether’s neck, scenting him and recognizing as pack. As family.

“You’re a very adorable little ghoul, you know that?” the older notes and Phantom blushes.

“And you’re very c–comfy,” they mumble.

“Glad to hear that!”

Aether chuckles and readjusts his hold on the little ghoul and soon enough they reach the den and Phantom’s room. The older quintessence ghoul makes sure a few times it’s okay to go in and sit on their bed—a nest being a very personal thing for a ghoul.

Aether only smiles, already so attached to one of his new packmates.

By the time they’re settled, Phantom is half asleep and purring. They realize Aether cuddles really are amazing.

“Nice t’meet you, too, Aefer,” they whisper before fully dozing off.

[posletsvet]

I frequently think about how challenging it must be to write convincing antagonists. It's relatively easy to justify morally driven, righteous thinking and good-hearted actions (that is, if justification of something like this is at all needed). Pulling off solid reasoning behind uncompromising, dedicated malice is harder. I think that is because benevolence comes naturally to us -- that's what our evolution as social beings taught us to be beneficial. So more often than not villains come off as cartoonish, false and awkward with their cardboard-thin beliefs and exaggerated petty grudges. And that's why it's always exciting to see characters who are objectively horrible people but still exhibit intricately nuanced and dimensional personalities you can at some extent empathize with.

I guess that is also why I like Toji as an antagonist so much. (Yes, this is a Toji Fushiguro post,, Why do I feel like I should I be sorry?) He is essentially a case study of a deeply flawed, disrespectful and inexcusably violent character with a plethora of other gruesome traits (I mean, the anime adaptation isn't even remotely subtle about showing his nastiness) who's also... just another ordinary human being. He eats take-out food. He overspends inpulsively. He watches sport and gambles. He loves and misses his wife and settles down while he's with her. Toji has harmless basic needs like entertaining himself with a hobby in his free time and having someone to keep him company while doing so. He seems to seek simple human connection (like when he suggests that he and Shiu go eat out in some fancy place after receiving their reward). He gets genuinely amused with the job's destination which is Okinawa and expresses his confusion over the cult's representative's bigoted speech in a mundane, kind of goofy way. He's curious when something goes slightly off a pre-established course of action and asks Shiu about it. He gets nervous and tries to calm himself down by strategizing. He thinks of his family in his last moments.

I'm saying all this with no intention to condone Toji's terrible actions or make them seem more forgivable. I guess it just drives home a point for me that while he destroyed the destiny of entire Jujutsu society he was really just minding his own business by going through another job. Yes, he was in some way taking out his spite on the Jujutsu world by trampling on the 'blessed talents' of both Gojo and Geto, but there was never an emphasis put on it. Defeating two Special Grade sorcerers wasn't a prime event in his life (well, up untill he died as a consequence of it, I guess). Even if there were some strings attached to this job, Toji was in it first of all for the money.

He's mundane. The extent of his cruelty and filth is sickening. He's just like those people you could pass by in the street. He's so morally corrupt it's alienating. He's both unthinkably horrible and still just an ordinary person.

Toji is a walking representation of the duality of man, really, and I find it truly admirable how Gege tied all those conflicting traits into a coherent and convincing character.

[hothammies]

Hi!!

I've been nervous to ask this, but I'm so invested in this au it's killing me on the inside.

What exactly happened to the amilies of the party? (Joyce & Jonathan, Hopper, Nancy, etc.)

Did they get killed, or separated? Im so curious!

-🪼 (jellyfish anon)

hi jellyfish anon!

no need to be nervous :D it's a really good question! i've been itching to answer something about the party backstories anyways - i want to make a long post about their families for each of them later on but i'll give a small bit of exposition for all 6 of them regarding their family!

short answer - the og party (the boys!) all got separated from their families because of a raid on the community they lived in. they don't know if their families are alive or not. el's and max's family situations are part of their story arcs and how they find the boys.

individual family situations under the cut :)

---

short summaries for the party's family situations

will: jonathan and joyce taught him about medicine + healing while his dad taught him the basics of shooting -> lonnie was exiled from the community when will was 7

mike: his dad died when he was 9, a few months after holly was born - after that, nancy started taking more responsibility over mike and teaching him more general survival skills while karen was more detached from nancy and mike afterwards, focusing more of her efforts on holly.

lucas: parents are chilling and happy -> dad is a combat vet! he taught lucas and erica everything they know! lucas' relationship with his sister is similar to canon's (snarky but loving). he's not very protective over her because she's very capable on her own :P but still defends her when necessary

dustin: mom got infected and turned right when he entered the community (rip dustin's mom claudia i'm sorry) -> lived in a dorm w/ a bunch of other kids (not the party) and was taken under steve's unofficial wing

el: mom was killed by brenner, who she lived with in a separate camp dedicated to infection research -> similar backstory to canon's and was found by the boys when she was 12 (don't want to reveal too much ;D)

max: has lived with billy since she was 8 -> when she meets the boys, she's in a community of raiders (again, don't wanna spoil!) her relationship with her stepbrother is similar to canon and very abusive

---

other notes: el's relationship with hopper is definitely an endgame type thing unfortunately! i absolutely love their parent-child relationship but a lot of the emphasis in my au is about the found family dynamics between the party and how they live by themselves :')

[smile-files]

i think the main issue in arguing with zionists is that, well, they believe in zionism! if israel did deserve to exist, then the genocide and injustice in palestine could be argued for (not like it should be, but it certainly could) -- and zionists believe israel deserves to exist.

i, unfortunately, have a large amount of experience interacting (personally) with zionism and zionists. most of those i've talked to feel for the palestinians, and the violence they are facing, but they fail to realize (or they staunchly deny) the very, very active part israel and the IDF have had in that -- and how it's representative of what the nation has always done.

at the same time, they focus more on israeli hostages than palestinian ones -- and i know, of course, that these zionist jews i've interacted with are either israeli or have loved ones in israel, and so have a very personal stake in the safety of israeli hostages (which may very well be friends or family members), but i find it strange how much emphasis they put on hamas' cruelty in taking hostages while the IDF is doing the same thing (in essence; the exact details of who's doing it worse are important to note, but not relevant right now, because folks should realize that their side is being at least as cruel as the enemy's).

recently i was drawn into an argument with an israeli zionist (who, unfortunately, is very close to the action and tragedy by being israeli), and she was incredibly offended by my anti-zionism and my opposition to israel's abject cruelty to palestinian citizens, as it seemed (to her) like i was bypassing the cruelty hamas has enacted on israeli citizens -- which is very telling. i've noticed that we as jews have the tendency, whatever the situation may be, of focusing more on our pain than the pain of others, even if we are the ones hurting them. that person has every reason to be scared and hurt, and i'd be lying if i said her response wasn't at least somewhat sympathetic, but her pain in this horrible, violent conflict does not invalidate the pain on the other side. jews, throughout this recent crisis, have consistently not talked in depth about the constant losses in palestine -- am i suddenly being callous by focusing on those losses, and not our own? (YOUR PAIN AND THEIRS AREN'T MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, YOU DOLT! sorry...)

because it all comes down to believing in israel! my mom has always told me about how beautiful it is there, about her time living on a kibbutz... and sure, it might be nice. i can't argue with that. but why is it that our nationalism for israel is so strong, so virulent? i have not seen patriots as loyal for any other country. and when you criticize israel, israelis feel like you're criticizing their entire existence -- and many non-israeli jews do, as well. because zionism has been built so deep into the modern religion! it's made to be a necessary piece! belief in it is the default!

and, from the inside looking in, i can't be surprised that many jews take anti-zionism as being antisemitic -- because, to them, israel and zionism stand as the pinnacle of safety and support for the jewish people. it is impossible to argue with them about anything above that base layer, as the base layer itself serves as a foundation: so long as a jew thinks that israel is right, deserved, and necessary, no proof will sway them into hating israel. it's just impossible, and that's very frustrating.

for me in particular, i find it very frustrating, as this single idea has turned so many people i know to support a genocidal entity. they believe in and support israel, so they stand with it now -- even if they condemn its current actions, they neglect how those actions are just an extension of its inherent existence -- whether they think israel's doing the right thing or wrong thing right now, they don't really care at the end of the day, because israel, to them, is necessary in keeping the jewish people alive. they stand with it, thinking that jews can only stand at all if they do.

but a genocidal crutch is no crutch at all: it only breaks us more. zionist jews make me so mad, and the worst part is that i could never express that to them in a way they'll understand.

[canarias-stuff]

Phases of Love / Kuroo Tetsurou X Fem!Reader - Chapter 4

Summary:

One thing that Kenma hates more than people staring at him, is boredom.

He doesn’t like when his games are too easy or too predictable.

You aren’t like that. Never boring, never predictable.

Kuroo is the same, Kenma was sure of that when the older kid ran to his own house to bring back a volley ball.

Author's note:

Hello!!!

I'm sorry, it took me some time to write the chapter.^^'' But I hope that you enjoy it! This chapter will be from Kenma pov's, because...why not?^^

Tags: Romance; Eventual romance; Slow Burn; cross posted Ao3.

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Elementary School (but from a different point of view)

Kenma knew you for his whole life. Not that he had lived long, he was just a seven year old kid, and you were just a year older.

Your houses were close and his mother was kind of best friends with your mother, so of course they wanted the two of you to be friends by the moment that you met as babies.

And really, as you grow up together, Kenma realized that instead of a friend, you were more like an older sister to him, always taking care of him, never leaving him behind while playing with your other friends. Sometimes you would even bring his favorite dessert, apple pie, so you could have a small chat and make him forget for a few minutes about his video games.

However you never really forced him to go out of his comfort zone, at least not enough to make him uncomfortable, you knew him well enough to not push boundaries, but you would always try to include him in whatever you were doing. It was good and bad, good, because Kenma felt like you wanted him to be there with you, and bad because you were a troublemaker and would include him in your crazy antics.

But Kenma wouldn’t really choose his video games over your company (not that you would ever hear that coming from his mouth anyway), you were his first friend and a sister figure, so yeah, he could try a little harder for you.

So, yes, when Kuroo arrived at the neighborhood and you told him to try to befriend the older boy, he decided to listen to you.

And he is glad that he did.

One thing that Kenma hates more than people staring at him, is boredom.

He doesn’t like when his games are too easy or too predictable.

You aren’t like that. Never boring, never predictable.

Kuroo is the same, Kenma was sure of that when the older kid ran to his own house to bring back a volley ball.

…

Kenma didn’t regret befriending you or Kuroo, both of you were nice and fun,…but well, he won’t lie, sometimes he wonders what he did to deserve not one, but two over-excited, too energetic and troublemakers of friends

Emphasis on troublemakers.

Thinking about it now, how many times have you all been scolded for coming home dirty from head to toes after playing volleyball by the riverbank or for getting lost after chasing a stray cat?

Sincerely? He lost count.

You and Kuroo were the older ones, a pair of 10 year old kids, so why Kenma himself was the one who had to scold you two everytime that you got lost?

Like now.

“We are lost…” Kenma started, staring at you and Kuroo, who were on your knees, foreheads on the floor in a dogeza pose. “...again.”

“We are sorry!” You and Kuroo answered in unison.

They were currently in a desert park, how was that possible Kenma wasn’t sure, after all, even if they live in the suburbs, it was still Tokyo, a place supposedly to have a lot of people wandering. So…that would mean that they were in a really secluded area, or they really got far away from their houses (maybe neighborhood), not that any of the options were good anyway.

Kenma couldn’t stop the sigh that escaped his lips. He was so tired already, but they needed to do something, they couldn’t actually stay there forever, and if possible he would like to go back home before one of their families realized that they weren’t coming back at the curfew time. His parents were the “Just be careful the next time” type, so Kenma wouldn’t be lectured so hard, Kuroo’s father and grandparents were probably okay as well, a “Don’t do it again” and that’s it…but (y/n)’s parents, no, your father was fine, but your mother…

The dark brown haired boy shivered at the thought.

For some reason, wherever you three get in trouble, not only you would be scolded by your mother, but also him and Kuroo. His parents, Kuroo’s father and grandparents, and your father would just stay behind with smiles on their faces, nodding their heads once in a while.

The once orange sky was giving space for a dark blue and purple, and soon the world would be pitch black with only the street lamps to light up the path. So what should he do?

Keep walking around was out of the question, but waiting for their parents to find them was also scary…should he ask for directions? But at who when there was no one but them there? Also, he once saw on the news that a kid got abducted by some crazy granny when they asked for directions…and his mother told him to not speak with strangers…

Kenma frowned.

“Ugh…what should we do…” He muttered.

“You think too much sometimes, Kenma.” Your voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Well, he is the brain after all.” Kuroo commented.

Suddenly Kenma felt his hands being held, you were holding his right hand, and Kuroo the left one, and before he could ask what was happening, they pulled him with smiles on their faces.

“Let’s go!” You said.

“Where to…?”

“Tetsu says that he remembers some paths that we took.” You explained. “So we just need to follow them back, right?”

“Well…maybe?”

“Don’t worry Kenma!” Tetsurou reassured. “We will get home soon!”

Kenma smiled.

“Okay.”

…

Here comes a spoiler.

They did find their way back, it just took them two hours and a lot of wrong turns here and there. By the time that they arrived at their houses, all their families were yelling their names on the streets.

This time each adult had a turn to scold them.

However if Kenma was asked if he regret befriending you and Kuroo, his answer didn’t change. Both of you were chaotic, too easily excited children, but both of you still held his hands during the scolding session.

It was warm and reassuring.

So no, he didn’t regret being yours and Kuroo’s friend.

…

Kenma was 10 (and the two of you 11) when he started to notice insignificant, but still, small changes in your and Kuroo’s behaviors. He wasn’t sure if the two of you were aware of the changes, even he wasn’t sure if he would have noticed if someone from their neighborhood volleyball teammate hadn’t voiced that comment.

“Isn’t (y/n)-chan cute?”

Kenma saw for the first time in a while Kuroo miss a receive.

It was Saturday and they were at the gym, training with the other children for an upcoming tournament against another neighborhood association. As always, you would tag along to play volleyball (to train and also to have some fun) with the other kids who were also there for the fun of practicing a sport instead of staying at their houses.

“And she plays well too.” Another boy said. “Her receives are good, she would be a good libero.”

“A cute libero.” The first boy said again.

Kenma flinched when he saw Kuroo receive a ball with his face.

“Are you okay, Tetsu?!” You yelled from the other side of the of the gym.

He groaned, helding a hand to his nose that just started to bleed.

“...Nice receive, Kuro.” Kenma said while crouching down beside the black haired boy, offering a tissue.

“Oh, shut up.” He muttered.

…

After that day, for some reason Kuroo started staring at you more than normal (and polite) people would do, and really, if someone started to stare at him like Kuroo was doing with you, Kenma was sure that he would be uncomfortable and running away by now.

“Do I have something on my face, Tetsu?” You asked, a frown on your face, clearly annoyed.

Kenma never saw someone’s cheeks going red so fast.

You three were doing homework at the Kuroo’s house, and the stare-thing was happening for a while now.

“N-no!” Kuroo denied so fast that you arched an eyebrow, not buying the answer.

“But you keep staring, and you’ve been doing it since our last train at the gym!” You accused, putting your pencil down. And really, Kenma wanted to clap his hands for you, because if you, of all people noticed, it was because Kuroo was doing a poor job.

“I-I’m n-not!”

“Creepy…” Kenma muttered.

“I heard that, Kenma!” Came Tetsurou’s protest.

“So?” You crossed your arms and waited.

Golden eyes shifted between you and Kuroo, waiting for a reaction, but neither of you seemed to give in. Another detail about you two was that both of you were pretty stubborn when you wanted to be. If you two were like that at the age of 11, he didn’t want to know how it would be some years from now.

“It’s nothing!” Kuroo insisted, face still red.

Kenma had a guess of what was actually happening.

“No one stares at other people because of nothing!” You rebutted.

“Well, I do!” Kuroo said without really thinking.

“So you admit that you were staring!”

“I wasn't staring at you, (y/n)!”

“But you jus-”

“I said that I stare at people without a reason, not that I was staring at you!” He cut her.

And isn’t it just getting irritating? Kenma couldn't help the thought, and before he could stop himself, he deadpanned:

“Someone said that you are cute last training.”

The room went silent for a second.

“...what?”

“Kenma!”

“That’s probably why he messed up the receive too…two times.”

“Hey! I just got distracted!”

“Yeah, by the ‘Isn’t (y/n)-chan cute’ or by the ‘a cute libero’ comment?” Where was his brain to mouth filter again?

Kuroo jumped on Kenma, trying to cover the younger boy’s mouth, and even if Kenma was battling the black haired boy, he couldn’t help but notice that your cheeks were pink, (e/c) eye wide, and that you went silent.

Oh.

That was an interesting reaction, one that he could use to tease you and Kuroo in the future, when the two of you were too annoying to deal with.

“So…you think I’m cute?” Kenma never saw you looking so embarrassed.

Kuroo stopped his attacks and turned his back to both of you, but even if his face was hidden the red tips of his ears were still visible.

“S-so what?” Kuroo muttered.

Oh, and wasn’t he sincere?

…

It wasn’t unusual that Kenma didn’t want to go to school, but today was worse than any other day.

Spring just started, it was still cold but the cherry blossoms were already in full bloom, and it also meant a new school year started, a school year where neither you or Kuroo would be attending the same school as him.

Being a year younger sucked sometimes.

He finished his breakfast and went upstairs to brush his teeth and get his bag, maybe he could feign a cold? But his parents already saw him up and well, so there was no way that they would buy it.

Kenma sighed while putting on his shoes.

He shouldn’t have complained so much about yours and Kuroo’s energetic presence every morning for the past years.

But as he opened the door to leave his house, his golden eyes stared at the two familiar figures talking with each other in their new school uniforms.

“Morning Kenma!” Came the unison greet.

“...morning…”

The surprise was probably showing on his face, because you smiled and Kuroo laughed.

“Why the surprise?” Kuroo asked in a teasing tone. “Our schools are still the same way.”

“No…it’s just that…” Just what? Kenma himself wasn’t sure, he knew that they would still be walking together, but… Oh… he was kind of feeling lonely now that you and Kuroo wouldn’t be there (almost) all the time, wasn't he? “Nevermind, we should be going.”

“Kenma! Look, look!” You said excited, twirling around to show your uniform. “The uniform is cute!”

He smiled and closed the door.

“It looks good on you.”

“See Tetsu!” You suddenly pointed a finger at the taller boy. “I told you that the uniform suits me!”

“Hey! I never said that it didn’t!” Kuroo said, defending himself.

“(y/n), he already thinks that you are cute, so it doesn't really matter what you wear.” Kenma deadpanned.

The two of you blushed, and Kenma couldn’t stop the smile that formed on his lips. He was in a different school, but it was good to know that he wasn’t alone after all.

“KENMA!”

Ao3 Link

[isfjmel-phleg]

I'm rereading Mother Carey's Chickens, a 1911 children's book by Kate Douglas Wiggin, mostly because there's a subplot in it which I think might be relevant to my search for portrayals of CEN in children's literature of this era (...and guess what subplot got axed in Summer Magic, a loosely adaptated 1963 film version--but that's another issue). Anyway, this time I found myself unexpectedly sympathetic toward a character Wiggin does not want the audience to be very sympathetic toward.

(and wow, this got longer than I expected and is A Rant, sorry!)

Basically, the book is about the Carey family--a widow and her four children--who have suffered a significant finanical decline after the father's death and have to move into a new house in a small town and make a lot of sacrifices and adjustments, while having various slice-of-life adventures. Not long after the move, their cousin Julia comes to live with them.

And Wiggin really hammers it into the reader's head that Julia is annoying. She's "the pink of perfection" (a phrase memorably used in a song in the 1963 film), she knows it, and she never lets anyone forget it. (Think a female version of my OC Josiah, and you're probably not far off.) She won't shut up about the rich family she used to live with, and she can't be bothered to join the others in anything so demeaning as chores. She's so dull and imaginative that "she bored her own mother terribly." She has no sense of humor, she's no fun, she's tidy and clothes-conscious, she gets perfect grades in school--in short, she's the worst and nobody likes her. Even Mrs. Carey admits "frankly" that she doesn't like Julia.

And the other children are understandably frustrated with her and very vocal about this among themselves. There's friction between her and the Careys--and the Careys don't always come off looking very good either, although the narrative doesn't recognize it. The two oldest children (who are about fifteen and fourteen, I think) even go so far as to write a poem mocking Julia's appetite (and, by implication, her weight) and tacking it up in her room. Julia in tears shows it her aunt, who finds it funny and has to struggle to show the proper sympathy. Julia protests that the family she used to live with never mentioned her appetite and instead encouraged her to eat. Mrs. Carey concedes that her older children can get carried away with joking and forgot Julia wasn't used to it.

And then she adds, "And don't forget, my dear, that in a large family like ours we must learn to 'live and let live.'" So clearly it's Julia's fault for being so oversensitive about just a joke, right? Because nobody likes her, and she had it coming. She needs to learn to have a sense of humor!

Eventually, Kathleen, the younger Carey daughter, in a moment of provocation lets it slip that Julia's father is the reason the family has so little money (long story). An angry Julia tells her aunt. Kathleen feels horrible about it and apologizes profusely, but Julia is not immediately forgiving and points out what a victim she is here--as a fatherless girl and a guest in their home.

And then Mrs. Carey gives her A Speech (emphasis mine):

"You are wrong there, Julia. I fail to see why you should not take your full share of our misfortunes, and suffer as much as we, from our too small income. It is not our fault, it is not yours. You are not a privileged guest, you are one of the family. If you are fatherless just now, my children are fatherless forever; yet you have not made one single burden lighter by joining our forces. You have been an outsider, instead of putting yourself loyally into the breach, and working with us heart to heart. I welcomed you with open arms and you have made my life harder, much harder, than it was before your coming. To protect you I have had to discipline my own children continually, and all the time you were putting their tempers to quite unnecessary tests! I am not extenuating Kathleen, but I merely say you have no right to behave as you do. You are thirteen years old, quite old enough to make up your mind whether you wish to be loved by anybody or not; at present you are not!"

Does Julia deserve to be informed that she has been standoffish and unhelpful and whiny and needs to be a team player? Absolutely. Blaming her for the Carey children's behavior though? Not so much. And to tell anyone--especially someone so young--that whether she is loved is solely up to her and currently no one loves her--is incredibly harsh and uncalled for.

The narrative consistently presents Mrs. Carey as The Ideal Mother, so there is no recognition of the hurtfulness of such a comment. Instead, it's that comment in particular that is presented as what finally prompts Julia's character development.

Not to be loved, if that really were to be her lot, rather terrified Julia. She secretly envied Nancy [Carey]'s unconscious gift of drawing people to her instantly; men, women, children,—dogs and horses, for that matter. She never noticed that Nancy's heart ran out to meet everybody, and that she was overflowing with vitality and joy and sympathy; on the contrary, she considered the tribute of affection paid to Nancy as a part of Nancy's luck. Virtuous, conscientious, intelligent, and well-dressed as she felt herself to be, she emphatically did not wish to be disliked, and it was a complete surprise to her that she had not been a successful Carey chicken.

At this point, I am feeling sorry for this child, obnoxious though she can be. This girl has a father who isn't in her life much and a mother who was flighty and bored with her and either died or left the picture when her daughter was five so she was raised by a governess and has been trying really hard to be everything her mother wasn't--well-behaved and responsible. And now after living with an apparently kind and accepting family, she's been transplanted to an unfamiliar environment with cousins who complain about and mock her. No one is listening to her; no one is bothering to help her. She talks about her friend's family so much because that's all she knows. As annoying as her displays of perfection are, it's her flawed attempt to seek love and validation. She feels inadequate compared to her outgoing and universally adored cousin Nancy (who co-wrote the mean poem and has been the most vocally critical of her--guess her heart doesn't run out to meet just everybody!), and the narrative faults her for lacking the right sort of personality. Apparently the only acceptable way for her to earn love is to make an effort to be more like Nancy. And Julia desperately wants to be loved.

But there are people who love her unconditionally! She points out that her friend, the daughter of the family she used to live with, always loved her. Mrs. Carey replies, "Then either Gladys has a remarkable gift of loving, or else you are a different Julia in her company [...]"

Ouch.

She then proceeds to accuse Julia of committing "the sin of causing your brother to stumble" by provoking her cousins' annoyance. Kathleen, though, doesn't agree and apologizes again. And Julia takes pity on her, shows some affection, and they make up.

From here, Julia is on the road to character development, and Mrs. Carey gets all the credit for it. And sure, Julia has learned that she needs to be more helpful and less critical, but she has also learned that love is earned and that her family will only accept her if she toes a certain line. Is this really any different from her previous efforts of performing perfection?

And anyway, it bothers me that the narrative is so merciless to her. Yes, she's got major issues that she needs to grow past. But is being a girl exhibiting the results of a problematic upbringing enough cause for the level of vitriol that she is given? Couldn't there have been a more effective way to prompt her character development than for a family member whom she respects to tell her she's unlovable? Wiggin's narrative extends compassion to the flaws of characters like Nancy but withholds it from others (not just Julia). Why? Why are some people more deserving of understanding? Because they're the main character?

And that's never really struck me before, I've always read this book at face value, but somehow today I ended up with emotions about Julia Carey. Who knew. If you've got this far, thank you for coming to my Rant.

[spnexploration]

Pack chapter 5

Pairing: Alpha!Dean Winchester x Omega!Reader, Alpha!Sam Winchester x Omega!Madison

Series summary: Omega!Reader is thrown into a world she's not expecting when her mate turns out to be a hunter, and she's not used to Alpha & Omega Pack dynamics.

Chapter summary: You head back to the bunker with the Winchester Pack.

Chapter warnings: none

Word count: 1.8k

A/N: This chapter fulfils the square "Pack" on my @spnaubingo card!

Series Masterlist | Supernatural writing masterlist

Part 4 <- -> Part 6

I yawned for the third time in the backseat of Dean's car. Everything important of mine was in the boot and we were driving to their bunker, Sam and Dean in the front and Madison and I in the back.

“We keeping you up, sweetheart?” Dean joked at me, looking at me briefly in the rear-view mirror.

“Sorry, I haven't slept well the last couple of nights.”

“Well, yeah, you’ve been refusing to sleep with Dean,” Madison said to the window.

“Madison...” Dean and Sam both growled in warning, almost in sync.

I gaped at her, and I could feel myself starting to blush furiously. “What?! You think doing- doing that would make me sleep better?! You’re crazy!”

She turned to look at me, “I didn't mean have sex with him, I just meant sleep with him. Cuddle.”

“And that's meant to magically make me sleep better? You sound like a bad romcom.”

She looked surprised and I saw Sam and Dean exchange a look.

“What? Why is everyone acting weird?”

“You don't have a lot of experience with Packs, do you?” Madison asked.

I hesitated. “What do you mean? Everyone's born into a Pack.”

“Ok, yes, but some Packs are more... Pack-like than others,” she said with an emphasis as if the second half was meant to mean more to me.

“That's enough,” Dean said firmly.

“Yes, Alpha,” Madison said quietly.

There was a minute or two of silence before I said quietly, “My family are all Betas.”

Madison nodded her understanding. “So, you've never really seen a Pack of Alphas and Omegas?”

“No.”

“Well, you'll sleep better if you're cuddled up to your Pack members. Your mate is best, but any Pack members are far better than being alone. I grew up in a big Pack and all us kids would pile in on top of each other,” she said with fondness in her voice.

“Are you messing with me?”

“It’s true, Y/N,” Dean said from the front.

“Oh.” After a second I continued, “That's why you all looked at me strangely when I said I’d go to my apartment yesterday.”

Sam stifled a laugh but Madison grinned at me, “Yep!”

“Oh,” I said again. I felt adrift, I didn't even understand my own body.

Madison smiled kindly at me. “It's ok, we’ll teach you. Come here, sleep on me while we drive.”

I hesitated, embarrassed.

“Come on, I promise you'll feel better.” She coaxed me over and I fell asleep quickly, my head resting on her. She smelled nice.

---

“Feels better, right?” Madison said with a smirk when I woke up. I nodded and she broke out in a huge grin. “Told ya! Wait until you sleep on your heartthrob!” She winked again. Sam laughed.

“I might not be very familiar with Packs,” I said, sitting back up. “But you guys certainly don't seem like the ones I've seen.”

“Oh, you mean how I'm ‘not giving her a firm enough hand’?” Sam said, putting on a voice.

I looked down, worried I’d upset an Alpha.

“Sorry, Y/N, I didn't mean it like that,” Sam said sincerely.

“He's quoting an asshole Sheriff,” Madison said. “One time when I got arrested, they almost didn't let Sam take me home because he refused to give me a spanking in the middle of the station.”

“You got arrested?!”

“Fighting monsters isn't always legal,” she said with a shrug.

“And Madi is a brat of the first order who occasionally gets arrested not on the job, too,” Sam said. “I seem to remember that occasion you had been spray painting the outside of an Alpha-only Club?”

She had the biggest shit-eating grin, “Yep!”

“Could we maybe go 5 minutes without trying to terrify or corrupt my mate?” Dean grumbled.

“Never, sir!” Madison bounced happily in her seat.

“Well, at least she's honest,” Sam said to Dean, laughing.  Dean grumbled, but it seemed like he was joking.

---

“Here, we go, home sweet home,” Dean said as he pulled into the garage. There were a lot of fancy old cars already there. “How about I give you the tour and we can talk about where to put your stuff, and we’ll come back and get it?” I agreed and we all piled out of the car.

Sam and Madison disappeared as Dean started giving me a tour. It was a labyrinth down here and there were so many rooms! This was not what I had imagined, although I hadn’t really known what to imagine by “1950s bunker”.

Finally, we got to the bedrooms. “This is my room,” he said, opening the door. I stared at the guns on the wall. What the hell redneck shit is that?! He saw my expression, “Uh, we can definitely redecorate, if you’d prefer.”

I suddenly realised I’d overstepped my bounds. I looked at the floor and fidgeted my fingers together. “Hey, hey,” Dean said, stepping closer and putting his finger under my chin to nudge it upwards, “It’s ok. If you want it to be, it’ll be your room too.”

“Oh, um...”

“Or you can have the room next door if that would make you more comfortable.”

I fidgeted more, unsure of myself, unwilling to make a decision and risk it being the wrong one.

Dean waited a few moments more before saying, “How about we bring your things to the room next door, but you can decide when you want to be in here and when you want to be in there. You can always move things again later if you want to.” I slowly nodded. I couldn’t tell if he was disappointed or worse, angry, with me.

To try to break the tension, I asked where Sam and Madison were as we headed back to the garage to get my things.

“They had to share a motel room with me for almost a week as we couldn’t get two,” Dean replied. “I imagine they’re in their room, at it like rabbits to make up for lost time.”

I gaped at him and he laughed.

---

When we had finished moving my things, Dean took a seat and then took my hand, gently guiding me to stand in between his legs. I was a little taller than him in this position, and he looked up at me. “Sweetheart, I have some important questions for you, but I want you to know that no matter what you say, I won’t be angry or upset or anything like that. I just want you to be honest with me, please.”

I nodded, suddenly worried about what he was going to say.

“Did someone hurt you in the past, sweetheart? Did someone force themselves on you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did someone sexually assault you? Or assault or hurt you in another way?”

“N-no, Alpha.” I was worried why he was asking this, what had I done wrong? Or, worse, maybe he thought I should have been?

He reached up and brushed his wrist over my neck, scent marking me, then cupped my cheek. It made me calm down a little.

“Wh-why?” I mumbled.

“You just don’t seem to always like me touching you, and I wondered if it was reminding you of a painful memory. If it is, I need to know so I can help you.”

“N-nothing happened to me. I’m sorry I’m not what you wanted, Alpha.” Tears welled in my eyes, but I blinked them away.

“You are exactly what I want, Omega. You are perfect just the way you are.” He stood up and gathered me into a hug. I felt better, but also hyper-aware that I was clearly doing the wrong thing. I pulled away and he let me go, concern still on his face. I looked away, unable to meet his eyes.

“Why do you do that?” he asked gently.

“Do what?” I asked very quietly.

“Pull away, when clearly you want more comfort.”

“I’m sorry, Alpha.”

“Little one, I just want to know what you’re thinking.”

“I’m sorry I’m like this,” I whispered sadly.

“What you’re like is an Omega, but you seem to be fighting it.”

I furrowed my brow, not sure what he meant. I felt a bit annoyed that he was lumping all Omegas just because of me. “I’m clingy and I’m annoying, I know, but it’s not because I’m an Omega.” I crossed my arms across my chest.

He cupped my cheek again, gently guiding my face to look up to him. “Did someone tell you that you’re too clingy? That you shouldn’t want to touch so much?”

“Everyone says that. Everyone’s always said that.”

“Oh, sweetheart. You’re not clingy, you’re not annoying. You’re an Omega. Omegas want to touch, they want to be cuddled, they want connection.”

“A-all Omegas are like this?”

“Haven’t you noticed Madison touching Sam? You should see her when she’s sick, she’s incredibly whiny if she’s not touching preferably him, but she’ll take me as a second prize for short periods. You do not want to see her when she’s left alone if she’s feeling miserable.” He chuckled.

“So, all Omegas are annoying.”

“No, it means that whoever told you that doesn’t understand biology. Alphas, especially mates, like touching Omegas too. I was joking about Madi, we don’t mind looking after her just like we don’t mind looking after you.”

He pulled me to him again, enveloping me in a hug. “Just relax, sweetheart,” he murmured. I tentatively put my hands on his sides. After a few moments, I started to pull back. He didn’t release me. “You’re not done yet,” he said.

“But that’s how long hugs are supposed to go for,” I protested.

“No, that’s how long some ignorant Beta told you to hug. Stop thinking about that and just think about how long do you, Y/N, want to be in this hug? If you don’t feel like you want to pull away, then don’t.”

He continued to hold me. I felt awkward and like I was being too demanding. “Relax, Omega,” he murmured. He put his hand on my head and gently guided it to the crook of his neck, like he had back at the motel yesterday. His scent made me start to relax against him, hold myself less rigidly. “Good girl," he said.

After a little while, I did feel finished. I started to pull away again and he let me. “Any time you want a hug, or any other kind of comfort, I want you take it. You are allowed to touch me as often as you need, ok?”

I nodded.

“And any other ‘advice’ you’ve received from those Betas, or anyone else, I want you to run that by me before you take it as gospel.”

.

.

.

Tag list:

@mrsjenniferwinchester @lyarr24 @waynes-multiverse @leigh70 @malindacath @ellie-andthemachine @iprobablyshipit91 @123passwort @muhahaha303

[echotunes]

Slimecicle characterization: (sorry this is a bit long)

* Mainly referred to as slime but close friends (Wilbur, Philza, etc.) almost exclusively call him Charlie

* He makes up slime related words a lot and will just make random noises

* Makes up songs a lot/ will replace lyrics of existing songs to whatever he finds situationally appropriate/ funny

* Does both goofy humor where he laughs at himself/ along with others and dry humor where he plays everything totally straight

* “Yarf/ I’m gonna yarf” (throw up)

* “My bones!” (When hurt)

* Doesn’t use emoticons in messages, no caps unless it’s the full word for emphasis, single messages with punctuation if needed (chat example: “we won the war. (qsmp)” vod 35:45 you can see his chat history with Foolish)

* He has a really extensive vocabulary and when making jokes will always switch up the phrasing/ use synonyms so as to not say the same words repeatedly

* He will make jokes to himself/ quietly and if no one heard it then he might repeat it once more but never more than that

* He makes himself the butt of the joke a lot, especially with new people. Only when he’s super close friends with someone will he makes jokes about them

* Literally king of the bit. Will take any opportunity to continue a bit or make a new one (breaking Roier’s windows, calling Phil old, getting “stuck” in the ghost maze)

* Mf is both easily distracted and laser focused, often at the same time and rarely aware of his surroundings

* He almost never responds to being hit when people are trying to get his attention, especially if he’s having a conversation with someone else (in general if he’s having a one on one convo with someone he’s practically blind to anyone else)

* Doesn’t move around when talking to the point that someone may leave his view and it might take a few seconds for him to move to see them again

* Despite being highly social he doesn’t like interacting with large groups that have multiple conversations going on (most likely cause it’s hard for him to pull focus) - he’ll often ask others to step to the side

* *After leaving a group* “I can finally hear myself think”

* He’s isn’t super knowledgeable about minecraft so isn’t aware of a lot of mechanics. He plays almost exclusively to hang out with people and doesn’t enjoy doing things alone

* Will play into his own ignorance for a joke - typically comically over exaggerated

* He’s super grateful for gifts and if it’s something that directly benefits him (amour, food, supplies) he’ll always ask if the giver is sure

* If he’s around quackity there is an extremely high chance of him getting manipulated

* Boy has pipes and while yes this does make him a good singer it also makes him a really loud screamer

* Loves to be silly and goofy and then pulls out the most gut wrenching angst/ trauma you’ve ever had the misfortune of witnessing

* When in serious situations will entirely drop any jokes and talks very sincerely/ more soft voice

Specifically QSMP

* Canonically can shape shift

* Was kept in a cage as a child and had abusive parents and multiple other siblings who are assumedly deceased

* Thinks very lowly of himself and doesn’t think himself deserving of any kindness shown towards him since accidentally killing Tilín

* Is an alcoholic and self harms (uses a taser to electrocute himself when he feels sad… which is often)

* Loves his family more than anything and actively talks about how much he misses them every time he streams

* Fights with Mariana are more humor based - like what’s the most absurd thing that can be said

* Repeats eggs’ names a lot when talking to them

* There’s natural gas in his mine that makes him hallucinate and forget things

(I definitely went a bit overboard with this so feel free to pick and choose what would actually be useful for the cheat sheet. Hopefully there’s some helpful stuff here 💙)

!! ty so much anon! I'm not much of a Charlie viewer so this is a big help I'll make sure to add it to the doc

[floofers-1]

Moonlit Serenade

Summary: A dance is held in honor of the newest member of the Donquixote family and shenanigans ensue

Pairing: Donquixote Doflamingo x Saint Maria (OC)

Word Count: 2.3K

Warnings: Suggestive Themes, Marking, Romance, Fluff

Notes: I'm sorry for moving slower at posting these to tumblr than ao3, I will attempt to move faster at this, enjoy some short romantic tension! Italics is either thoughts or emphasis on smth and I make it decently clear when it's thinking. Line breaks indicate time passing/ major scene change.

It'd only been a week since Maria had arrived on Dressrosa but one thing had already stood out to Doflamingo. The people’s word of mouth was not sufficient, Maria had on multiple occasions used Penny to advocate for her position as Doflamingo’s mistress and get her rightful needs met. So naturally it was time to create an event where they simply couldn’t ignore her.

“A dance?” Maria shook her head, she had never been taught to dance and now she was expected to perform in front of all Dressrosa, her stomach twisted as nerves settled in.

“Indeed my lady, the young master, thinks it’d be a great idea for the two of you to display your affection publicly.” He certainly has not been kind to those who have flirted with you, how it goes over your head when it’s not him I will never understand.

“I have no idea how to dance, I’m really unsure if this is the best idea.” While embarrassing herself was bad enough she would hate to embarrass him with her stunted movements.

“The young master will teach you how. So please come this way.” Penny led the way to the large ballroom.

It had grand windows with red curtains drawn back letting in the afternoon light. Standing by one of the windows with his arms folded was Doflamingo, his pink feathered coat hanging off a chair. “I shall allow you two privacy now. Good luck my lady.” Penny then left to take care of her master's bedroom.

“Doffy, are we sure I’ll be ready by tonight?” Maria worried as she approached him. “I wouldn’t dare want to embarrass you.” He turned to face her, for once his shirt buttoned, not fully but mostly.

“You would never embarrass me Dove.” With a snap, music began to play and he extended his hand for hers. “Simply follow my lead.” She took his hand. While intensive it certainly was a speedy full course lesson, every little detail Maria got wrong was instantly corrected. Before long he simply stood back watching her form, changing the pace of the music with his strings while she learned to mindlessly match and perform without his lead. She managed to catch on quickly and before long knew her role in a tango and ballroom. 

Near the end she was sweating, having taken off her coat and rolled up her sleeves. With a single clap of his hands Maria had stopped and collected her breath.

“Well done.” He approached from behind, running his hands down her sides.

“Y-you sure Doffy. It’s a big night.” She reached up with her right hand caressing his sharp jawline, generating that smile she adored.

“If you can keep your head on when I touch you.” His left hand squeezed her hip, generating a small mphm from her while chuckling himself.

“I-I can try, I just love when you touch me.” While nothing had explicitly happened between the two within the first week, the heat of their relationship was rapidly approaching a boil over where one would break, odds on Maria crying to him about how she needed him so so badly. That gave him a devilish idea, his smile changing to a smirk as he let out an ominous laugh that filled the ballroom. “Now what's got you chuckling?” Maria knew something was a foot in his mind but couldn’t pinpoint it.

“Nothing for you to concern yourself with.” Oh but it certainly was, with a few simple pulls of his strings, tonight would break her stubbornness and not just in the privacy of their own rooms or in his office but in front of the whole kingdom. “Why don’t you go along and get ready, Dove.” He lightly planted his open palm on her rear, sending her off clutching her coat muttering. Tonight was going to be electric. He could feel it.

The ballroom was rapidly given a tidy and prepared for the entourage of guests as well as room for a few special video transponder snails that would project the events of tonight all over Dressrosa, no one would be able to miss this. No more excuses for disrespect and more importantly a message to the kingdom on who belonged to who.

“Penny, are you sure it’s okay I wear something like this in front of the kingdom?” Maria stood before a mirror, she wore a dark dress tight to her body, every curve was shown, more than she was currently comfortable with amount of cleavage and openings to show her legs, just barely not exposing her panties.

“This is per the young master's request. I think you look wonderful.” Penny said, doing a few touch ups to the slightly sparkling fabric of the dress. “How would you like your hair for tonight?” Maria had found a bun the most useful for dancing so with quick work her hair was wrapped into an elegant bun on the back of her head. Maria stared herself in the mirror, she felt radiant and then her room door opened and in came Doflamingo, He still had his signature glasses on but lacked his coat, in fact he cleaned up a little. He fully did his white dress shirt up, one injection of pink with his tie, his dark dress pants and dress shoes in contrast to his usually pointy almost elf like shoes had taken Maria aback.

“Don’t you clean up nice Doffy.” Maria had stepped over, her eyes noticed the tie was ever so slight off and swiftly adjusted it. She then took his hand which was greeted with a squeeze.

“Can’t have you be the only one looking good tonight now can I Dove?” His deep voice at this point was rapidly growing into an addiction, the way it hung in her ears, the reverberations it left, why if she wasn’t well aware of Penny being in the room she may have thrown herself at him there.

“Have a lovely evening, young master and my lady.” Penny called out as the two left. Oh it was going to be a lovely evening.

The ballroom was already packed by the time the two birds arrived, they took their spot on a couple chairs where the other top executives sat.

“The king has arrived!” One servant announced and everyone turned to the chairs as Doflamingo took his place and Maria to his left, this time not a smaller chair on his side like dinners. But a proper throne like his.

“A-are you sure it’s alright I'm sitting here Doffy?” Maria worried, she may have been part of the family but unlike him she wasn’t officially royalty.

“I had that made specifically for you Dove, it’s all yours.” He flashed her a smile and what surely must have been a wink hidden behind those lenses, generating warmth in his little Dove’s cheeks. Music began to play after the two were seated and the audience below began to dance. Doflamingo and Maria as well as the top executives were brought champagne to sip while they watched. While Maria slowly chipped away at her one glass watching the crowd below, Doflamingo had already gone through a few and was making conversation not even paying attention to the entertainment down below. He was once again only interested in his main event. Before too long the two birds were called to the dance floor. Once in the middle all eyes upon them, Doflamingo took Maria’s hand. A dangerous smirk on his face leaves Maria slightly confused. 

Music erupted and she was pulled right up against him. Before he took charge and led their tango at a furious pace, Maria was barely able to keep up, he had given her just enough practice that she could keep pace but just by a hair. His pace continued viciously, all the while she began to lose her breath and hold him a little tighter. The crowd witnessed as Doflamingo was proudly showing off what belonged to him. He pressed her chest and body right against him for a moment, allowing her to feel an intense firmness in his pants, her already starting to flush face was beat red. Maria had finally caught on to the flamingo’s plan, but it was far too late. His movements became much less subtle, his hands taking extra time gliding along her sides, ‘accidentally’ brushing her chest or rear, a few times his knee would brush Maria’s legs causing her to lose pace only for him to whisper in her ear about how sloppy she was getting, had she had the opportunity to breath she’d apologize, but all her breath needed to go towards any attempt at keeping pace. The music was soon winding down and with one flick of his fingers, a string had tossed a rose into the air that he caught in his mouth, with one arm he lowered and held her in a dip. While he may have been breathing a little heavier through his teeth. Maria had been ravaged, her face red, hair a mess, chest heaving to get any air. The crowd applauded before music began again and they moved in to dance. The two birds stayed where they were, Doflamingo pulling Maria up and holding her against his chest.

“D-Doffy…” She managed through her heavy breaths. He had begun to lead her in a much slower dance, as he looked at her with his shit-eating grin, knowing exactly what he had done.

“What is it, My Dove? ” He knew already, but he needed to hear it from her. With one free hand he loosened his tie. Maria gave in, she couldn’t handle it any more, she wanted more from him, from them. She needed him, in her short few weeks of knowing him she…

“I love you Doflamingo.” Her gentle brown eyes stared into his lenses, so purely, so wanting, so vulnerable. For him it was mission accomplished and he leaned right into her ear, she deserved the truth from him too, no one else was allowed this side of him, she can have it all.

“I.” One hand held her left hip. “Love.” His voice still deep, now carried intimacy she had never known. “You.” His other hand held her cheek. “My Dove.” His warm breath dancing on her lips made her chest pine. She leaned closer and he obliged. The two embraced, her arms on his shoulders, his around her rear as he pulled her up. His lips were surprisingly soft but they were so warm, it was heavenly. Her lips were delicate and sweet just like he expected, but they were so intoxicating. What felt like eternity in bliss to the two was only a handful of seconds in reality as they pulled away, one a large grin plastered to his face the other a gentle and shy smile on hers. Doflamingo, still holding her up and without evening needing to look, weaved through the dancing crowd to a windows door. He slid through it before closing it with his heel. Out in the moonlit sky, the two lovers continued their slow dance to the faint music. With gentle finger work, Doflamingo had Maria’s bun undone, her hair spiraling and falling to her calves. The gentle light of the moon, playfully dancing on her skin and hair made her shine, the stars sparkling in her eyes, she was divine, she was his. She gently took his tie with her left hand, and with a light pull he complied leaning close.

“I’m all yours forever and always Doflamingo.” She placed her forehead against his as the two swayed. His normally deep chuckle was softer. “I love you.” She pulled his tie once more, trapping him in a short kiss. They both were well aware they had become entangled with each other it no longer mattered the risk of infatuation, all that mattered was the need the two shared for the other. Doflamingo pulled from the kiss every so slight, his lips pressing on her chin, then her jaw, then under her jaw, down her neck to her collar bone. His tongue tracing along the edge between her neck, collar and shoulder. She felt her knees wobble slightly and she held tighter to him, one hand clutching the collar of his shirt, the other tangled in the back of his hair.

“That’s a good girl.” He rumbled, getting a hitch in her breath. He may be vulnerable for his standard with her but he still held the reins. His left hand squeezed her hip gently while the other had lost itself in her silken brown waterfall. He grazed his teeth on her collar for a moment before sinking in.

“D-Doffy!” She whined out. “P-people will notice that.” He bit down harder in response, what did he care, he may as well have stripped her nude and dominated her with the tango they had just performed, a little bite wouldn’t even get a rouse from them. Maria quickly stopped her complaining while he licked his bite before continuing to mark what was his. Her eyelashes fluttered, her breath continued to hitch, her whole body trembled. She gave in to him, no matter how embarrassing it may be, she wanted everyone to stare at that mark and know she was his. He finally pulled away smirking at his handy work.

“Shall we return to the party?” He undid a few buttons of his shirt and held her to his side by her hip. She nodded and pulled some hair over her shoulder opposite of the one marked to fiddle with. He chuckled knowing tonight was flawless and oh so soon would he be beyond cloud 9.

[pseudo-hero]

So I Just Read Superman Issue #8...

(I think it came out right after my predictions post for it. I'm hoping, because otherwise, that was just clueless of me.)

OH. MY. GOODNESS. SO MANY THOUGHTS.

Did this issue seem like a short one to anybody else?

2. I thought about the first interaction shown in the above image here between Clark and Lex since Lex got shanked. It's just so cute to me (even though Lex doesn't have a right to be that cute). Especially considering how we just saw him last issue, literally rushing to try to get to Superman so he could help him. Like, I think he's just being pouty and difficult here so Clark will feel compelled to apologize (probably because it reassures Lex that Clark does care—even if no one else does—and that he didn't willingly leave Lex on his own die). No one else in-universe understands because they're not Clark or Lex.

3. Conner: "Sorry for what? It's not like Lex didn't have it--"

I wanted to believe that Kon (who is called by his Earth name this entire issue for some reason, despite being in hero mode not civilian mode) was about to say "have it under control" but that's just too nice for Lex, right? Of course he was probably actually going to say "have it coming".

Conner: "Hope you know you're not worth all this, Lex."

Ouch, another jab from he and Clark's unclaimed son. Why not just tell him you wish he was dead, while you're at it? (I know, I know. Almost happened not too long ago.) Also, Mercy's name makes for a good joke a lot of the time.

(Side Note: I'm glad he called him Lex, at least. [Meanwhile, Clark's back to calling him Luthor. I wonder what triggers it. Maybe it's when he knows a bad deed is connected to Lex?] And this is, I believe, the first time in years since he and Lex have even spoken! Over a decade if you don't count the Nu52 version of Kon-El as being the real deal. Also, do Lex and Clark still have some paternal feelings left for Konner like they more or less did at times in past comics from the 2000's - 2010's? Doesn't seem like it in this run—but I'm still taking what I can get!)

4. He sprints in for the catch...aaand...he's caught her!

Oop, he lost her.

(Side Note: Umm... Nice glove, Lena? Not a bad fashion statement/reference to spontaneously appear out of nowhere. Really screams "Daughter of Lex Luthor".)

So yeeep. Everyone (except Clark) in Lex's birth, created and by-proxy families despise him. Even his daughter (who I guess was told about all the things he's done, including to her) now seems disgusted by him. I get it's him and all and that many of his past actions have been horribly despicable and unforgivable (and spoken of or hinted at in this issue and acknowledged by him, too) but DAMN. The guy just finished healing from an attempt on his life. AND his mother came to visit! Guy can't catch a break or breath (which means anyone in close proximity to him won't be able to, either). Still, he's stronger than me.

5. Luthor: "I did it because Sammy killed his father. He KILLED Sebastian Stryker."

Superman: "Then you should have had him arrested! Not kept him in some dungeon to rot! (emphasis mine)"

Luthor: "[]...He's a monster."

HAHAHAHA. SUPERMAN AND LEX LUTHOR ARE SUCH HYPOCRITES HERE!!!!!!! WITH EACH OTHER AND IN THEIR VIEWS OF OTHER PEOPLE!!!!!!!

Seriously! How many times has Lex been found to have killed his father or even both parents? Even if the excuse is that there's been a change in continuity, it still comes across as unintentionally hypocritical to those out of the loop! Hopefully they'll explain what happened to "this version" of Lex's father (if they haven't already) to help clear things up. As for The Superman himself? Uhhhh, Phantom Zone villains?? (There's even an on-going miniseries involving Clark and Lex right now that has the Phantom Zone in it, fwiw!!) This is at least the second time now in this run, that Clark has been blatantly hypocritical; and on the same subject. Here he even mentions and excuses himself for using the PZ:

So it's okay for Clark to permanently lock up his species' criminals in a distant, cut-off-from-society place with little to no stimulation, but humans can't do the same with theirs?? (Or is it just because it's Luthor?) Also hilarious how in this recent issue, they were so far in the game, yet Clark still wouldn't so much as admit that Lex may have been justified in thinking this was his only way to stop Sam/my! Or somewhat acknowledge that the situation they're in is largely happening now because Clark WOULDN'T LISTEN TO LEX AND RELEASED SAM.

However:

He seems to have finally conceded to obeying Luthor's advice here. But...was it worth it in this case, considering how this issue ends? Is Lex just destined to be harmful to all no matter how hard he tries to be beneficial, or is it just the current situation that he's put himself in making it seem that way?

6. Yes!! They reconfirmed that Conner is "a bit of [Lex] and a bit of [Clark]". It was said very "quickly" and in an almost clinical manner, but this still did the trick for me! All three of them seem to have already been aware of this, too.

Yep, and Superboy's powers are indeed based on Sam's but he DOES NOT (as far as I can tell, based on the wording) get any of his DNA from him.

7. Another reference to Lex's Smallville past from Superman Lore.

Why is the watch separating their sections in-panel and why is this perfect? (It looks so beautiful here, too. Almost as much as during its debut.)

Now I understand why Clark was concerned here. I assumed earlier that it was a case of hindsight being 20/20 and him not realizing yet that Lex was right to make that his weakness (not sure how that's possible if Sam is only a human, but oh well). But it was actually Clark thinking about the risks involved, for him and/or others that have the weakness.

8. The different types of art in this issue were overall on point! However, this style (above image) was...interesting. Not bad, just interesting. That large MOUTH of his.

9. (Wish I knew how to shrink images. This one should be wayyyyy smaller, imo.)

Yes, yes, yeeesssssss. SUPERMAN. SAVE ME. He knows Clark will (and does)!!

10. YEEEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! That's our Superman!! Risking his life for those he technically risked the lives of to begin with!! (I forgive him and give him a pass here. His heart was in the right place and he doesn't usually screw up like that anyway.)

11. *whispers* The use of/dependence on kryptonite in 2023 is kinda lame. Arguably always was. However, it really helped push the story forward here, so I see nothing wrong with its presence. Plus:

It often adds to the DRAMA.

Seriously though, this upsets me greatly. I know he'll be fine but the damage looks severe. 🥺

12. So, Lex was down. Now Clark is. (Kon and Kenan were too, before Clark. If you count the events of Action Comics.) Looks like it's becoming a pattern. Like the LL's and K's in either families'/teams' names.

Anyway! As usual lately, I can't wait for next issue!!