#and i realised that it was a great fucking album lol

[hella1975]

hi hella do you have thoughts on the tiktokification of ethel cain (given her leaving social medias) anyway sorry if you dont i just love the way you think xx

i think a very simplified explanation of what tiktok does to music and why it fundamentally always Grates on me is that people on tiktok cannot just listen to a song. it's no longer enough to enjoy a song or an artist. you're not a 'true fan' if you just simply listen to the music and find any level of enjoyment from it. you have to instead know every single lyric, and every meaning of that lyric, and then when that isn't enough because the masses are now also doing that, you then need to know what the artist's thought process was for the lyrics, where they were when they wrote it, exactly what they mean by it. interpretation is no longer allowed because the 'true fans' correct you with what the artist said in a niche interview from 2019 and 'if you really liked the song you would know that'. it doesnt matter what the song means to YOU because it now needs to be consumed in the Exact Way Tiktok Says It Should Be. and then of course it all becomes narrower and narrower and all the while the fans are TEARING the artists apart in an attempt to be the one individual listening to them most often and most correctly and with the most thorough understanding, and the artist is just. some guy. like literally just a person behind a screen reading every stupid as fuck thing and seeing the same stupid as fuck comments over and over and over again and it's like yeah. that would drive me fucking insane too actually

[abiiors]

bestie could we get a lil ross angst/fluffiness about saying goodbye to him before he goes on tour?? xx

this turned into hurt/comfort because i am in that mood rn lol but i hope you like it <33

ross is in a shitty mood. you can tell. 

he hasn’t stopped shuffling (sulking) around the house, opening cupboards with more force than necessary and slamming them shut much to your growing annoyance. even when he was loading the dishwasher before, you were afraid he was going to break your precious china. 

“ross, can you not?” you ask after another door-slam. so fine, he’s in a bad mood. you don’t feel so peachy yourself. and all the noise isn’t helping. 

“not what,” he retorts, going back to yanking a plate out of the dishwasher. it clinks against the other stuff, the noise grating on you again. 

“stop that!” you chastise, this time with a raised voice. “you’re going to chip them.”

ross huffs, setting the plate down much harder than necessary. “can’t do anything well enough, can i?”

his voice is laced with irritation, his brows knitted. when you gape at him, ross turns around. 

“i didn’t say that!”

“we have been together long enough for me to know what you’re thinking,” he mumbles. if his intention was to mumble it to himself, he’s failed because you hear it clear as day. 

“ross. what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“nothing.”

“it’s not nothing! you’ve been moping all day!” now your voice is properly raised. and ross still hasn’t turned around, continuing his assault on your precious plates. 

“can you at least talk to me?” you try to be gentle, you do, but it ends up coming out as a screech.

“jesus fucking christ, can’t deal with you right now.” he slams the plate down and storms out of the kitchen, leaving you staring at the half-empty dishwasher. 

in a few moments, you hear the bedroom door thudding shut. great…

soon enough, the anger trickles out though, leaving you filled with worry and an empty kind of sadness that only creeps in after you and ross have a fight. and even though you know that this was more of an argument, you still can’t get rid of the nagging feeling that something is wrong. 

so you swallow your pride, and make your way upstairs, fully prepared to apologise. 

as soon as you open the bedroom door, you’re greeted with the sight of ross sitting on the edge of the bed, head hanging, as he stares at his lap. he barely even looks up when he hears you walk in. doesn’t move at all until you’re kneeling in front of him, making him look at you. 

“baby, come on…” this time, your voice is gentle. “i’m sorry about yelling at you before. i really wasn’t thinking that, i promise.”

ross only shakes his head, gesturing for you to sit next to him. 

“i know,” he sighs. “i’m sorry too, i–i know that’s not what you were trying to say. it’s just…” he swallows, clearly struggling to get the words out. 

ross shakes his head. you move to get closer to him, holding his hand in yours. “you know you can tell me anything right?”

“yeah…” he sighs again, finally looking up at you. the little crease between his eyebrows deepens. 

“they’re adding new dates to the tour,” he whispers, “one of them falls on your birthday. i… i am going to miss that.”

oh.��

so that’s what this is about. 

you’re about to speak up, telling him that it’s not ideal but it’s not the end of the world but now that he’s started speaking, he wants to get it all out. 

“last year, i missed our anniversary. this year we barely got to have one because of the album release and now… now i’m going to miss your birthday,” he shakes his head, a few strands come loose. 

“i’m already leaving in a few days and here i am, fighting with you for no reason. i’m so sorry sweetheart, for taking my anger out on you.”

the sight of him breaks your heart, he looks so sad. it wasn’t anger, you realise. it was guilt. his comment about you thinking he couldn’t do things well enough… that was him projecting. 

“oh, ross…” you place a hand on his cheek. he nuzzles into it, closing his eyes. 

“i keep missing all these important days. i keep missing you so much when i’m away. what happens when… what happens when you decide you’re done feeling like this? what happens when you feel like you just want a normal man. a normal relationship.” his voice sounds like he’s speaking through a lump in his throat. it checks out when you take in his red-rimmed eyes. 

you move, shifting to sit on his lap so you can cradle his face in your hands. he holds onto you, leaning into your touch. 

“i don’t want a so-called normal relationship, do you hear me? i want you.” your voice comes out firm; no room for argument. nothing he can dispute. “sure, missing birthdays and anniversaries is not ideal but that’s still months away, my love. we can figure something out. i can come visit you, does that sound good?”

he nods, turning his head slightly to kiss the palm of your hand. 

“ross, i love you, i am not going to leave over something so trivial…”

he nods again, mumbling a small “i love you” back. you continue. “next time if you’re spiraling, just come talk to me, yeah? we’re supposed to be partners. you can’t let things like these eat at you and suffer in silence.”

“i know i…” ross clears his throat, breathing in deeply. “i should have talked to you days ago. i shouldn’t have let it fester. forgive me?”

“forgiven,” you reply instantly, smiling at him. “now give me a kiss. let’s just write today off. be lazy in bed. we can figure out everything else tomorrow.”

“i would like that,” he speaks, already leaning in for a kiss, already looking much better than before. 

[missbabyjay]

New Era - Alex Turner x Reader

You and Al have an intimate moment shaving his head for the TBHC tour 🧡

Fluff!

a/n: OKAY SO!

First of all, I haven't written fanfic since March, and this is the first piece I've written about Alex. I am so nervous to post this lol, but I low-key thinks its really cute. Secondly, it doesn’t necessarily follow the true story about him shaving his head because I'm pretty sure he did it on tour? Not too sure. This is also a shoutout to all the pretty bitches who love TBHC (& the car). They’re such beautiful albums and I can’t understand suddenly ditching a band because they’re changing and evolving! To each their own but you can’t deny they are masterpieces ✨

But enjoy this made up moment I constructed in my delusional head trying to fall asleep a few nights ago :) p.s i am NOT a great writer lol but I do have pieces for Pedro Pascal on my blog as well.

Warnings (?): mid writing 😭😂, tons of fluff, idk if you'd consider it angst but reader is a tad grumpy, insecure AND confident Al?, tbhc era, buzz cut Al!, alcohol, oh & some cheesy British slang cuz why tf not

You exhausted a big sigh as you pulled up to your house. The rain was incessant; refusing to give up as it continued pelting down, creating a symphony of noise on your vehicle. “Fuckin’ rain,” you mumbled under your breath as you prepared for the journey to your front door. You mentally crossed your fingers in anticipation, hoping Alex noticed the text you had sent earlier about leaving the door unlocked. 

“3…2…1,” you counted to yourself as you quickly pushed the driver's door open and made a dash towards the front door of yours and Alex's house. To your benefit, Alex must have seen the text as the large door swung open with one turn of the cold, metal knob. 

You let out another sigh of relief as you sat on the cushiony soft ottoman in the front entry of the house. You pondered for a minute as you let the warm air wash over your body, relieving you from the cold and damp world outside. Today wasn’t your day, to say the least, you were knackered. Work was a mess; your boss continually nagged at you over the smallest things and nearly every one of your coworkers were in a sour mood. You faulted the weather outside as no one was ever in a good mood with weather like this, but your fuse was short and you were thankful to be back in the comfort of your own home.

After debriefing the day with your own thoughts, you removed your shoes and made your way into the house. The cool tile of the kitchen floor eased your sore feet as you reached for a bottle of your favourite wine and poured yourself a generous glass. Your brows furrowed as you took your first sip; typically you’d have heard from Alex at this point, but you were yet to hear his silky soft voice greeting you.

 

Alex’s mind raced back and forth as he sat in front of the washroom mirror. His fingers fondled the set of hair clippers before placing them on the counter. He knew what he was about to do would entail more attention and more criticism, but he hoped it would help the fans realise that the monkeys were entering a new era and that to be quite frank, they would continue to change and evolve no matter the criticism. 

He checked the time on his phone, the illuminating screen read 5:42. “Fuck,” Alex cursed to himself. He knew you’d be arriving from work shortly and he was uncertain of your reaction to his somewhat spontaneous decision. Of course your opinion mattered to him, but Alex knew deep down that this change was necessary, at least to himself. “Alright mate, just go for it,” he muttered to himself before reaching for the clippers. 

Unbeknownst to Alex, you had been home for the last few minutes, going about your own business. With one last deep breath Alex pressed the power button and the hair clippers came alive. “Al?” Your soft voice met Alex’s eardrums. He quickly brought the clippers closer to his hair as both his heart rate and breathing increased in speed. “In here, darlin’.”

  

You ventured towards the shared bedroom, noticing a sliver of warm light peeking through the ensuite bathroom door as you entered the contrastingly dark room. “Al?” you called out softly, not wanting to disturb his privacy. “In here, darlin’,” his rich voice echoed back to you from the washroom. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself - you had been craving Alex’s comforting presence all day. He was always the cure to a shite day.

But when you reached the door and gently pushed it open you were met with an unexpected sight. Alex was propped up in front of the large mirror on a barstool from your kitchen, hair clippers in hand, seconds from shaving away his long brown locks. “Bloody hell Alex! Have you gone crazy? What are you doing?” Your reaction came out much harsher than intended but you most definitely weren’t expecting to come home to Alex attempting to shave his hair off. 

Alex’s hand came to a still, nearly inches before meeting his hair. His big brown eyes stared at you through the reflection of the mirror and for a few moments the only sound that filled the room was the low buzz of the hair clippers. “I-,” Alex paused for a second, looking down at the hair clippers as his hand rested them on the counter. He internally cursed himself, wishing he went about this at an earlier time. “With all the stress over the new album I just thought, ‘why not have a new look too?’, everyones already chatterin’ about…” he trails off with a shrug, a light pink tint washing over his cheeks. 

You huffed, setting down your glass of wine before your arms came to wrap around Alex. Your head found solace in the crook of his neck and your eyes met his gaze in the mirror. You gave him a small smile, “Oh Al, I know this has been an odd time for you, but are you sure you want to do this right before the tour starts?” You placed a gentle kiss on the ridge of his jaw, the light stubble tickling your chapped lips. He returned a sheepish smile, “I do, love.”

You removed yourself from his shoulder, “Alright then mister, hand the clippers over.” A childish grin replaced the shy smirk on his face as he realised the intentions of your words. He fixed his posture and straightened out his back, proceeding to run his hands through his precious locks one more memorable time. “Have at it, darlin’.” 

You tousled Alex’s hair a few times before beginning to drag the clippers through his strands. You watched his face soften as his eyes gently closed and he began to embrace the affectionate moment. “I love you,” he said, just above a whisper as his locks began to fall over his shoulders onto the floor. “I love you too Al, I’m sorry for how I reacted… today was just one of those days,” you responded with an equally quiet tone and yet another exhausted sigh. You questioned how many times you could sigh in just one day, making you let out a quiet laugh to yourself. “Is that so?” Alex chuckled as he slowly opened his eyes and met your mirroring stare with a cheeky smile. 

The two of you continued to sit in an intimate silence as you finished the job, Alex’s hand reached backwards to keep a compassionate hold on your leg during the close proximity. You clicked the power button on the clippers and set them down on the counter, delicately placing your hands on Alex’s shoulders to give him a supportive squeeze as he revelled in the moment. His one hand raised, brushing over the short and stubbled hair that now resided on his head. 

“It’s quite alright, isn’t it?” his baritone voice ringed through the small space as a smile grew on his face. “Ya know what?” you started before pausing as you squeezed yourself in between Al and the vanity, bringing both your hands to cup his face as you stood in front of him. “It sure is, sweetheart,” your voice squeaked as you quickly closed the space between the two of you with a passionate kiss, enveloping him in a tight and loving embrace. 

His soft lips were like medicine, as if he could kiss away all the stress and pain. “I am so proud of you. You always do what you feel is best no matter the criticism and that’s really respectable, Al.” His smile beamed, the confidence now radiating off of him the same way the sun radiates a warm comforting glow on a summer day. “I have a good feelin’ about this tour, love. Once the fans hear this album live I think they will truly fall in love with it, just as much as I’ve fallen in love with you,” he says as he lovingly looks at you. You giggled, “Absolutely, Al. You cheeky bugger.”

[sea-of-machines]

JCS 2000 ALBUM LISTENING (thoughts)

Disclaimer: the only Jesus Christ Superstar I've ever heard before this is the original concept album.

Heaven on their minds: wow, the mixing sucks. Also Judas' voice is odd, sounds a bit weak.

What's the buzz? Strange thing, mystifying: damn, Jesus has a soft voice. I think I kinda like it. Otherwise the track feels somehow hurried and odd paced.

Everything's alright: the mixing is so horrible it's almost making me a hater. Also, the way the singing is flowing with the music feels weird compared to the original concept album (not just on this song but the other's as well).

Hosanna: hmm, this one feels a bit more pleasant to listen to. Whoever plays Caiaphas sounds kinda bussing.

Simon Zealotes / Poor Jerusalem: even the instrumental is poorly mixed. I like the choir singing. Simon has a nice voice too. As far, I feel like they casted the main trio (Jesus, Judas, Mary) a bit poorly but the rest quite well. The mixing is too “cinematic” aka some bits are just too silent.

Pilate's dream: too fucking silent. Singer sounds like mom said that we have opera at home. 

The temple: this has some of my favourite lines for Jesus. It was very promising until we got there. Jesus wasn't upset enough. Should've screamed more angrily. (Oh boy, what will Gethsemane be with this…) Also, the end part of the song began too quietly once again, but it got better. Seriously, Jesus’ singer lacks aggression. He is great but it's lacking.

I don't know how to love him: honestly, at this point I'm probably just a hater, but they played it too safe with Mary. 

Damn, they just skipped songs??? Where's Damned for all time / Blood money??? (This made me realise that there's songs missing from the beginning as well.)

The last supper: was the original this long as well? This feels oddly long. The Jesus & Judas argument is cool, except angry Jesus reminds me of the video where a man was screaming at yellow paint. Choir singing slaps though. Splendid.

Gethsemane: Oh no. The beginning is horrible. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE PACING OF THE SINGING??????? I want to scream into a cardboard tube. The emotion is put in the wrong places. Sounds extremely hilarious. Man screams at yellow paint again. I feel like this was too pretentious and therefore failed to be the great masterpiece it should be.

King Herod's song: hell nahh what is this goofy ahh shit 💀💀💀 I never want to hear this again.

Could we start again, please?: What's this? I've never heard this song in my life. They decided to add this instead of the banger songs they cut out??? (Ok apparently this was in the og movie. I haven't seen it so I didn't know, but this track is lame.)

Judas’ death: promising start, nice amount of drama, but that's about it. The rest is meh. Honestly, I regret uninstalling subway surfers because this is boring.

Trial before Pilate: “so the king is once again my guest” but you cut out the part where he was his guest for the first time lol. I have to admit that Jesus’ vocals are pretty neat in this (rare). Also the mixing seems to have gotten a bit better as we're reaching the end, or maybe I've just gotten used to it…

Superstar: the intro goes hard. Vocals are surprisingly good for this album too.

Crucifixion: DJHSGSDHSHSGZ omg lollll what the fuck this is just so fucking miserable 😭

John nineteen: forty-one: it's an instrumental, they can't fuck it up, right?

I want back the 1 h 19 min I just wasted from my life.

[madrone33]

Just found this in my docs! Apparently I wrote down my reaction when I first listened to Ulysses Dies At Dawn last november, soooo :D

Started listening to Ulysses Dies at Dawn by The Mechanists. First song is The City, let's gooo (19:44).

Just finished listening to Ulysses Dies at Dawn. Oh, shit, I just realised why the album is called that, fuck. My heart. His death was simultaneously heartbreaking, peaceful, and triumphant. I had no idea it was going to end like that. Amazing (22:24).

Ok, some rambling about it before I re-listen with lyrics:

The whole idea of trials, and each character's backstory getting introduced with them is cool. It lets the mystery soak for a bit, giving breadcrumbs out, and letting each character have time to breathe.

I like how the blind guy is almost exclusively referred to as "that motherfucker" XD. Ironic.

Ok, but the sphinx disease is legitimately horrifying. Wow, the Olympians are just straight up villains in this huh.

I think Daedalus has the coolest vibes (apart from Ulysses) 'cause he's just so smooth all the time. Calm and collected and unconcerned... until the end when Ulysses switches it up on him lol.

The line "Currently beaten, battered, bloody... Unbowed. Spits out a mouthful of teeth and disdain" perfectly encapsulates Ulysses' character. I love it.

Ulysses being this super smart inventor tactician dude is awesome. I was stunned by the Trojan Horse twist. Broken Horses was amazing, I had literal chills. Interestingly, it almost reminds me of Hell’s Comin’ with Me by Poor Man’s Poison? Also, the signal Ulysses designed for the Trojan Horse sounds a lot like the V-Day signal in Kingsman. Brutal.

The beat to My Name is No-One sounds like an alarm, like how False Peace by Precious Jewel Amor utilises the prison alarm as percussion, which is very cool. And the song is hilarious. Just waltz in, it'll be fine :D Love the way it fades out after he gives his name away, ending on an unresolved note a lot like in Remember Them from EpicTM. Yo, speaking of Epic, I kinda love how the electric guitar in this song unintentionally mirrors the way Odysseus in Epic has the electric guitar as his instrument when he’s doing badass shit.

And then Ulysses going from idealistic to traumatised, and you don't even see the extent of his hope for the world until right at the end, when it's already gone. Like, shit bro.

Love how even though he spends like- almost the whole thing being drunk and getting beaten up, he still always seems in control somehow. The only time he isn't is in Underworld Blues when he's begging to Hades. I'll have to relisten to that to figure out what he wanted, actually. It was a bit unclear. Did he just... want Hades to kill him or smth? Make sure his brain wasn't on the network? Yeah, I'll need the lyrics.

The twists on all the lore are honestly so great. From mythical and magical, to futuristic and mechanical. You can clearly see the real world myths all their backstories come from.

That simple, blunt "No" from Ariadne was great.

I love how in Torn Suits all of the mercs are singing about why they can't die, and how they're going to use the money to escape the City's hold on them. By running, or paying off debts, or taking a loved one back, or ruling it. But then Ulysses kills them and willingly dies himself, giving his body to the earth and escaping the City more fully than they ever could. Hell yeah, fuck them.

As soon as I heard the password was 'Elysian', I knew it was something about death. His death. And something about it will be peaceful. I was right.

And ARGOS!! The doggo reunites with his human, and yeah he still dies, but Ulysses practically goes with him! Also, are dogs extinct in this world, like horses? Did Ulysses manage to find the last tree and the last dog?? Damn, dude. Mad skillz.

Bro, I was wondering where Penelope was going to fit into all this, 'cause in The Odyssey, practically his entire life purpose is to get back to her, but here there was... nothing stopping him I thought? I thought either he was in huge debt to someone and was stuck in a completely different sector than Penelope, or he was staying away out of guilt and shame over his actions in the war. But then it's revealed that he is trying to get back to her... in death. Like, fuck bro, that's really fucking sad. Dude's been passively or actively suicidal for the past few decades, and then he finally gets to rest with her... Fuck, man. Hits hard.

Ulysses sounds a lot like Joel from The Last of Us games when he sings softly. It helps that Elysian Fields is literally just Wayfaring Stranger lol. Also gives the same feeling as the endish part of AC: Valhalla, after he talks to the king and rides away and Twilight of the Gods starts playing.

The cover art is so cool, as well. And the last ones? The plain wooden table, bare of any media or research or advertisement. So good. No more secrets. No more lies. The truth, laid out in the open, plain as can be. Nothing more, nothing less. And then the vault, blood splattered enemies dying, grasping for artificial life in the cold grey, while Ulysses lies under the living tree, surrounded by sunlight and green with his loved ones, at peace with his death. Amazing imagery.

The drums at the end of Elysian Fields are like a funeral march or the drums that play on Anzac Day. So good.

Okay, I think I've written all I wanted to say, so imma go read the lyrics now (22:56).

Finished listening with the lyrics! Love it even more now (01:44).

[pacifymebby]

What does career settles mean? Won’t he be famous forever now lol🥹

Well like everyone's career eventually steadys a bit, it's impossible to keep getting bigger and bigger, a) it's exhausting and b) indie music really isn't the genre for world domination haha

Realistically speaking Sam isn't going to be Arctic Monkeys, The Strokes, Oasis (he would already have to be much much bigger for that trajectory I think) and whilst I think album three could definitely introduce him to a wider audience and see him gain even more success, who knows what's round the corner? (Not a bad thing!!)

Everyone famous hits a point where the crazy steep fame trajectory stops... AM peaked with AM I think and then lost momentum (but had had a break period before that too) Noel Gallagher isn't making the same headlines he was in the 90s and 00s...

Probably a good example for like, indie singer songwriters is a comparison between like, Ed Sheeran and Jake Bugg... They came up at the same time, one of them proceeded to make cookie cutter pop tunes and rubbed shoulders with super famous people and became Ed Sheeran as we know him now. The other "fumbled" album three by being true to himself, experimenting with his sound and just doing what he wanted (admirable and lead to great things musically eventually) (not album three though sorry bby)

Jake Bugg is still going, still has a career, still making his music and touring and stuff... But it's nowhere near as crazy or manic as it once was, and that's good for him, I get the impression he likes it that way.

And that's the thing like, it depends on what Sam does next but I don't think he's going to go down the Ed Sheeran route because it doesn't seem like him u know? I can't imagine him really fucking loving LA?

I don't think he'll drop out the scene like Jake Bugg either because he's doing alright, his colab is good etc I have high hopes for album three (I don't think he's about to release a rap album) but I do think it would be unrealistic to expect Sam to grow and grow at an insane speed and trajectory forever, it's not sustainable at all and would take him away from a lot of the things he loves. So yeah, I'm not saying I think he's going to drop off into oblivion any time soon, but I also can't imagine him wanting to be like a "celebrity" the same way Liam Gallagher was you know? I think when the time comes and things lose momentum a bit he'll probably keep going at his own pace and do what he wants and that if he wants to settle or whatever then that'll be the time he realises it?

Like when you're crazy famous and being hyped up and pushed about from all sides, that's not the environment to be making level headed emotional decisions about your future? Relationships are hard enough at the best of times, I can't imagine how scary and insane managing something serious like that would be when under that much scrutiny you know?

[time-is-standing]

top 10 songs of april

a bit late -as always- but I'm sticking to this habit no matter what!

1. RUNNING by NF

"I'm done running from you

spent my whole life in your shadow

scared of who I'd be if I... yeah"

this is a masterpiece!!!! I love it to bits, stream the fuck out of it pls.

2. labour by Paris Paloma

oh to be listening to this song for the first time again... with the phenomenal build-up, the feminine rage gets me every time. and I don't care that I'm in a healthy relationship or that my dad would give up everything and run to me if I called. it's everything else that fucks you up as you grow up and learn what being a woman means even in this world where you're "equal".

3. FUMD by Amelia Moore, jxdn

such a beautiful, magical song. I am in love with the vibes even though it's so full of rage, it tells a way more complicated story, this is a wonderful piece of art.

"heaven ain't close in a place like this

all my dreams feel sick from your face on his

guess I hate myself, ever since then

I'm awake in a nightmare, sleep when I'm dead"

4. HOPE by NF

hope. this word was the most meaningful thing in the last month. I've lost all my hope a long time ago, but I'm seeing so many signs that good things can happen to me as well. NF is the biggest inspiration and helps a lot with his music.🖤

5. Fighting Myself by Linkin Park

love love love the vibes! this is one of the "new" unreleased songs and I love every minute of it. I didn't know what everyone else was talking about when they said what a huge cathartic experience Lost was but this song... this one is that for me!

6. Elk Grove by David Kushner

I'm so happy this song made it to the playlist because I had some huge thoughts regarding this one. I know the song's about someone who passed away but as I was listening to it one day I realised: this song describes real love the best. I always struggle with toxic relationships, this image of my (very fucked up) "kind of love" and this song.... this is proof there's so much more to life & love than the shit you might go through and feel stuck in.

7. Bleed It Out by Linkin Park

this song has real great vibes: going out, drinking, summer, having fun. maybe because I have all these memories attached to the song, but somehow it feels so much like freedom for me.

8. deepfake by brakence

old favourite, seems to be stuck on the list, but it's a great song so I understand it lol.

9. Daylight by David Kushner

I've been waiting a bit too long for this one. in the first couple of weeks it's been great and I loved it but the passion is missing because we had to wait so long so I'm not listening to it anymore, no matter how great the song is.

10. Something To Hide by grandson

this! now this is a gem. I've been listening to it for a while now and seen that the whole new album is out already. I'll be listening to the other songs as well because grandson is such a talented artist.

[dalishthunder]

😂 I haven't written in a while so it's a bit rough, but if you'd like I suppose I could send it to you once I finish? Would have to edit a bit as it's originally between him and my ldb OC, but I could make it x gn!reader/ldb. Halfway done already, would just be changing some pronouns lol

And ooooh I half thought Garill was an oc u made for H&G (I haven't managed to stick through any of my playthroughs long enough to get to Neb's personal quest, or hear about Camia, despite wanting to uncover it all for myself in-game. Partly because I can't stop modding, aka breaking, my game). I'm determined to get to it in this latest playthrough though so wish me luck and restraint lol. Also I feel you on the silent judgy friend – that's me, I'm the judgy friend 😭😭 tryna work on it tho, "if they didn't ask then stfu"

I think the comedy ur weaving into the neb fics is great! Just these little sprinkles of it, just like his personality – sardonic and dry but makes me ugly laugh anyway. Ironic tho how "not even trying" comedy is always the kind that makes us laugh the most

!!! I'm glad u liked the music! And agreed, ritual is SUCH a vibe, literally had it and PWF as my fic's theme song (though the writing has diverged a bit). Your recommendations were really good too, esp You Matter – it was so sweet! I'm not usually big on musical theatre tbh tho – I veer more toward musical movies: the og high school musical, the 2000's Barbie movies, Julie and the Phantoms... (If u ever wanna ugly cry... "Unsaid, Emily". I SOB over that one). But Lindsey Stirling!! That one was AMAZING. I was really into her about three years ago – Shatter Me, Brave Enough, and Artemis were some of my favourite albums. But also I just realised I'm literally writing an essay at this point I'm sorry I got too excited lol I'm glad my little asks were making u happy tho!

I'm more than happy to read anything you've written even if it isn't x reader! I just love this skrunkly man

Garill really only has a few lines of dialogue, but it's pretty evident that they've known each other for a while and are probably pretty good friends, and honestly that's so fucking valid! Skyrim is a massive game and the only things that make it worthwhile at this point are mods bc like.... idk skyrim is kind of soulless without them. Also I too am the judgey friend so i tried channeling that sort of "I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life bc those are your mistakes to make, but homie don't be fucking stupid."

Thank you so much frfrfr!!! 🥺🥺🥺 I love making people laugh just as much (or even more) as making people hurt with angst!

Yooooo I love musical theater but it's like... only sometimes. I go through bursts. I'm not a huge movie person, I frequently get super distracted unless im actively engaged with whatever im doing so sometimes people get frustrated when i dont get references or know actors haha.

Literally never apologize for writing essays I love them so much!!!!! I always get super excited whenever people want to talk to me! I am basically a siamese cat who gets people sick when their human has to take a shower so they just scream

[generic-sandbox-member]

an elaboration on my previous post about bears in trees song counterparts between htbao:i and aeesb because i noticed one (1) person ask for it (thank you @lichtecht) i did swap two pairings but i prefer them this way around so enjoy! :) (analysis incoming)

Your favourite coat - Im doing Push Ups

Both of these songs seem like someone trying not to breakdown/explode about something, for Yfc "can everyone just shut the fuck up for a second" for Push ups "do you wanna go go cause a scene at the wedding". The main comparison that makes them feel like sister songs to me is the sections "You call me up you've lost your phone your dignity your favourite coat" with "your first love's not gonna walk you home you got sick on your coat then you called her and told her its over". Interestingly the lyrics from your favourite coat were originally in the first draft of mossy cobblestone (according to genius lyrics).

Things that look like mistakes - great heights

Both of these are upbeat songs with lyrics that to me are about finding purpose and trying to fulfill your potential. The big parrallel is TTLM saying "Tomorrow I'm gonna be haunted but today I'm gonna be free" vs Great Height's "everybody needs a reason to feel absolutely grim the next day". Finding a reason to withstand the grim or haunted tomorrow. Smaller purpose finding lyrics "purposelessness dont really feel worth defending" from TTLM, compared to the bridge of Great Heights, where the singer says they want to see their love bloom and lists all the things that are "mine". To me it feels like trying to find purpose in the little things, hense purposeless isnt worth defending when there is so much love to be found in everything.

All you get is confetti - Little Cellist

Both of these are their albums "sad song", but they bear similarity in theme beyond that. They're both about needing support and not getting what you need and trying to put on a face for those around you. In Confetti it is the singer doing these things, for little cellist, its the cellist. "wave hello cause nothings wrong" from confetti with "she was so overwhelmed it was like she hadnt cried in years". Theyre both about finding support and realising you dont have to do everything yourself, "you cant be everything for everyone but you can be everything to someone" in confetti compared with little cellist's "even Jesus christ himself needed help to bear his cross please feel free to lean on me if the world becomes too much" and "its not selfish to not do all they expect". you don't have to be everything for everyone.

Tai Chi with my dad - Klimt Painting

Some of these comparisons are more musical than lyrical, this is one of them. Klimt painting is very instrumental and the instrumental section of Tai chi has a very similar 'vibe'. They also share themes of mortality (I've been on borrowed time since 7, vs friends who knew they were all gonna die any day now), and trying to get better. Physically and emotionally. Probably my weakest link lol.

I wanna feel Calm - Baggy Hoodies

These two sound quite different initially but they feel like two sides of the same dialogue, the friend being supported and the friend doing the supporting. I wanna feel calm is from the pov of someone who is talking about their problems and that the person theyre talking to keeps them calm "it all goes quiet". In baggy hoodies the narrator is the one singing to calm their friend. They both mention fleeting experiences which i like when they are paired because I wanna feel calm says "i want to hold onto every impermanence each an eternity in their own way" and baggy hoodies says "your joy always seems so fleeting". together they feel like the person being helped is actually holding on to their joy.

Henrys Says - Heavent Sent

Both are upbeat songs with sections of fast spoken words. They are songs about the little things making something good and as ever, about friendship. "heavent sent is a coffee cup drinking it with you" "i have no power on my phone yet no fear i will not get home" They just have a very similar vibe.

Hot chocolate - Keep it easy

Songs about needing to feel things less, "begging you to feel just a little bit less" with "sweetheart dont look so scared im gonna bottle up all of your worst fears and send them out to see". Both songs are angrier or have a more frustrated energy than others from their albums but they are still deep down about loving your friends. "if it snows right now that would be heaven" talking about hot chocolate with your friends on a park bench, "the world ends around us every day ill be your flowers your pouring rain". Theyre songs about how sometimes its not as deep as we feel we have to make it and how theres so much love to be found in our friendships.

Nothing cures melancholy like looking at maps - if i just asked politely

These are songs about time passing and the repetitive nature of life "we all sing the same old songs we just sing them different now" vs "nothing really changes just the faces and the spaces where our fingers interlock". Theyre about life going on and how some things change and some things stay the same forever.

We don't speak anymore - Confidant

what a sad combination. theyre about platonic friendships crossing any borders and also about platonic friendships falling apart. "through blue screens we can part any sea" "when you went away to some foreign distant land i still felt you in my brain smiling holding my hand". No matter how far they are apart they'll still be together really. They both have marriage references "till death do us part" "tied grass around our fingers faux halloween night wedding grass would never last but we didnt care for fancy things". and then the sad stuff. "i let your essence go ive not felt clean to this day" "your heart beating out of time old times abandoned". ):

i dont wanna be angry - cut corners on short walks

yeah i know i originally put it with something else but i think this works better as a pairing. Theyre both about how the worst days of your life (and the best) have days after. How there is good and bad and its temporary. "the light in my eyes reignited with a vengeance when i saw the sun rise around the campfire with my best friends" "I'll say everything was temporary all the joy and all the pain". There is peace of mind to be had in all the feeling. There's always a day after.

Injured crow - mossy cobblestone

The other half of the changed pair! Mossy cobblestone is about things turning out alright. Persisting. "i didnt see a world for this at eighteen but im so proud of you your flat looks lovely" "the truth dont break me the way it used to, it's just moments passing".

The end! i hope u enjoyed my ramblings if you read this far. i do think the rearranged pairs works better. we love you array of light you dont need a comparison song.

i can't see anything i dont like about you - sun machine

omg i cant believe i forgot this pairing originally. I love these two songs so so much. they're both very upbeat and happier songs, about finding joy (and yourself) in smaller things. the whole of i cant see anything i dont like about you is about seeing yourself in pieces of media and building your sense of self out of that. sun machine is also about finding yourself "i want to find myself all by myself" they're a way to say that its okay if your joy and your personality comes from other people. sun machine is about something that brings you joy too "ive got a sun machine in my pocket" that isnt necessarily love or romance. "ive never found love in a car or a dim lit room but ive got a sun machine in my pocket". they're songs about being different and that being okay and a good thing.

seen people comparing different songs off htbao:i to aeesb and decided to find each song a counterpart. i will elaborate (threat).

Your favourite coat - I'm doing push ups

Things that look like mistakes -Great heights

All you get is confetti - Little cellist

Tai chi with my dad - Klimt Painting

I wanna feel calm - Baggy Hoodies

Henry Says - Heavent Sent is a coffee cup

Hot chocolate - Keep it easy

nothing cures melancholy like looking at maps - if i just asked politely

We dont speak anymore - confidant

i dont wanna be angry - Mossy cobblestone?

There's 14 songs on aeesb so Array of Light gets to be special and self sufficient (/pos).

[burningthetree]

hello my darling jules ✨!!

for the end of year asks *unfurls scroll* I would to hear you thoughts on *cleare throat, adjusts monocle*

general: 9, 11, 17

summarize the year: 4

art: 2, 7

looking forward: 7

I realize that’s a lot of questions so you don’t have to answer all of them!! just the ones you want to!! sending you all the love and hugging you so tight 💖

Ah Evie I love you!! Sending you so so many hugs back <3 ramblings are under the cut as per usual lmao

General

9. How would you describe your fashion sense this year?

Chaotic lol. I’m the person to either show up in heels, skirt, and coat, or in ripped jeans, black combat boots, black leather jacket. There’s literally no in-between. I can and will do both. So…versatile maybe? And also I just wear whatever I’m in the mood for and judge on how comfortable something is so I don’t know I don’t have a fashion sense I’m a clown 😭

11. What's one new thing you learned this year?

I don’t know exactly how I learned it, or if it’s considered learning per se but I always carried a lot of internalised homophobia with me for like years on end but I’ve learned to fully embrace it and be okay with being gay, also with the help of my wonderful therapist <3 like at some point this year it just clicked, I can’t pinpoint it. So I guess what I learned is love and embrace yourself the way you are and don’t put unnecessary stones in your path yourself. (Of course I realise in practice it’s not that easy.) Is this too deep?

17. What would you tell the you from the beginning of this year?

It’s gonna be shit, but you’re gonna get through it and you’re gonna get the help you need and deserve to get better and you will learn how to get better and manage your triggers and there’s going to be many good things too.

Summarise the year in…

…one album: The Anastasia musical purely because I’ve been listening to it the entire goddamn year without fail so I’d be a fake if I did not put it here.

…one song: “I’ve no more fucks to give” by Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq. and I don’t mean this in a negative way at all. Just that at some point I stopped caring less about things I couldn’t control, and that I learned to accept it (I still struggle with it but way less than before). It’s a very humorous song and a whole vibe, highly recommend lol

One song lyric: “you can reclaim your crown” from King by Lauren Aquilina. The song is very self explanatory so I’m not going to also because I’m too selfconscious talking about that here lol

Art

2. Describe your experience making art this year in one word.

Cathartic.

7. What project did you work the hardest on this year?

My fic safe and warm. I started planning it in March and am 60k in now with no end in sight, I’ve drawn multiple maps, multiple family trees, and written multiple outlines and character backgrounds that took me a lot of time.

Looking forward

7. What would you like to tell or ask your future self one year from now?

I would tell my future self that I’m proud of them for holding on. I’ve actually been sending myself emails to the future on my birthday each year to receive on my next birthday where I tell myself exactly that. Thank you for holding on to life. (The email service is called FutureMe if you’re interested.)

And I’d ask my future self if I’ll be okay. If the answer is yes, great. If the answer is no, well that would only mean that I’d have to work on myself for a little longer. And that’s okay, because we’re all a work in progress.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

i feel like the biggest fundamental mistake my dumb 12-14 year old emo self made in 2008 & 2009 was thinking that fall out boy’s album folie a deux sucked, aside from the song “i don’t care”.

[panszy]

anyway i’m forever gonna be bitter that even though mcr were an objectively great rock band in every sense of the phrase and deserve to be recognised as such they’re still always gonna be remembered as some fad for teenage girls

[agentemo]

I was told I’m a bad mcr fan because I dint vibe with current mcr, revenge is my comfort era and also the era during where I stopped mentally really going anywhere from a bunch of trauma, that’s the only era I really like thinking about because it’s my happy safe space. And I was told it’s bad if me to feel that way because “it was their worst time” I might step out of the fandom

Ok thank you, I was told too that “you realise if they become a transitioned she/her you won’t be able to engage with revenge era anyway it’s basically deadnaming their past that they’ve transitioned from” but I feel like they were reaching pretty far ?? Nothings officially been said past a stage outfit. But I feel like a really bad person.

SO much to unpack here. Let's do this in four parts.

ONE - you: I want to begin by addressing you directly, anon friend. You're not a bad person or a bad fan. The great thing about art is that it can touch us in unique ways that are also somehow shared. Revenge is my favorite era too, for various reasons. If that's your favorite era, and you'd rather be in that and nothing else... Like, there's no wrong way to be a fan. Lol. Just enjoy the music and whatever else you love about it! And if you have to step out of the fandom, that's okay. But you can also curate your online experience for yourself. If there are shitty fans around you, block them and move on. For every weird person with a bad take there's a handful of cool dudes out there.

TWO - young and new fans: Okay, it might not just be the babies but the way some people talk about MCR is strange to me. Maybe it's because I've been a fan longer than some of you have been alive but those dudes in their 40s don't need a defense squad. They don't need their fanbase finely tuned and meticulously polished to some weird standard. Why are we attaching how we engage with media to our quality as people? They need to chill out and watch old interviews.

THREE - Revenge and a bad past: I think My Chemical Romance are aware of all the shit they've been through. They've come to peace with the bad of those times; they couldn't be touring so much right now if they hadn't. The good of those times is a lot of pride. Revenge was fucking awesome. Being a fan at the time was fucking awesome. Being alive at the time fucking sucked. Shit's complicated. Revenge will always be my favorite MCR album.

FOUR - Gender Way: People need to calm the fuck down. As an enby, I am so excited and I love seeing other trans people be so excited and allies see the euphoria of it all and celebrate it with us. Let's just stop there, okay? Gerard didn't wear a tailored dress for us to write dissertations on their gender. They've said what they said, we saw how happy they were, they're probably not gonna say more unless they have to because that's how Gerard is, and it's exhausting hearing so many mediocre takes about it. You are absolutely right that that's a reach.

Oof, I guess I'm back to writing essays about MCR... lol.

[4dtk]

heloo! can I request hand-holding (3), kisses (6, 12) hugs (32) and touching (12) with renjun, thank uu^^

why do my renjun drabbles always end up so long LOL . btw age old kiss under the mistletoe <3 never too early for x’ams imagines i guess LOL, enjoy!!!

hand-holding, 3: cold hands in warm hands

hugs, 32: long-lasting hugs

kisses, 6 & 12: slow kisses, kisses on the corner of their mouth

touching, 12: pushing a strand of hair behind their ear

renjun’s eyes couldn’t leave yours. well, more of your body as you talked with mark, gesturing grandly about his new single that he dropped. he remembers you playing it whenever you met up, rapping the lyrics back to him that only had renjun groaning in embarrassment. staring around the room, he scans over the members in the party with a smile. having had taken a rest from the all the alcohol earlier, he was glad to be left alone to his… indulgences where no one could interrupt him.

“hey.”

“gah! wh- what the hell?” haechan shocks him out of his stupor, easily avoiding a smack on the back from renjun. his laughter gains attention from others, but otherwise they just return a cheeky laugh back while conversing. soon, the other is able to pick up on his loneliness, partially blaming it on the crazy challenge he dared renjun to do earlier. the partial reason, however..

“are you ever going to confess to (y/n)?” haechan raises a brow.

“keep it down! christ, hyuck. just because some members here have their partners on their arms doesn’t mean i should rush to make (y/n) mine.”

“oh, but you’re so obvious that it’s tiring to watch,” haechan sighs, taking a swig of his drink. the both of them admire the theme of the party for a little bit, red and green decorations hung from the spacious dorm, held on the fifth floor because they were the ‘cleanest’ (against jungwoo’s wishes and with kun’s agreement, they settled for an early celebration on the 23rd).

the speakers blasted christmas music, no doubt from the talented mr. bublé who was a compulsory artist to listen to, along with other renditions of christmas songs that just felt good. fairy lights from the members’ rooms were brought to be set up. plus, with ten’s recent sunset light purchase that he bought for the felines, the room was soon bathed in joyous lighting that could rival decorations outside.

“dude. the members had to have their partners fly in because they’re both so busy. (y/n)’s already there, c’mon the opportunity is right there — and this is the one time you’re able to unwind and relax. just go for it, man,” haechan is relaxed and laid-back, haven’t yet experienced the palpitations whenever one looks at their crush. the only exception was probably a rookie idol back then, but that was old news.

“if you happen to want to cuddle or fuck later, we’ll leave you alone.” this time, renjun was able to land a punch to his shoulder, expression turned into a scowl.

“you’re right, i guess. i’ll see what i can do.”

a gasp, “renjun admitting i’m right? rare.” renjun gives the other a lighter smack with a smile, chugging down the last bit of his water before heading over to you. he feels like he’s walking through snow whenever he wants to get to you, the resistance strong with each step. curling and uncurling his fingers, he loosened his freezing hands as you wrap up the conversation with mark.

“renjun! have a good rest? donghyuck was trying to avoid you for the past fifteen minutes, because he knew you’d get another headache if he talked to you.”

“i’m having one right now,” renjun jokes, emphasising his point by rubbing some fingers on his temple.

your laugh is like first snow. or like the heater that’s currently fuelling the house with heat. he isn’t sure what to choose, but he knows he likes it and wants to make you laugh more.

“do you need to rest again? i’ll promise i’ll be quiet-“

“delivery?” someone calls out. with a shout, you’re already at the door, receiving another batch of booze since the grocery shopping you went on earlier severely underestimated how much these boys can drink. “oh- uh-“ renjun swoops in like prince charming, hand brushing over yours while he steps forward to help you. they tingle like electricity, deciding against pulling away which would leave you to struggle.

“miss (l/n) (y/n) and mr huang renjun. please freeze in your place,” haechan’s annoying voice penetrates throughout all the conversation happening and you swear the man beside you mutters a curse as you two try to haul the booze past the member. “place the beer down. you aren’t going anywhere, anyway.”

before any of you can ask for an explanation, he points above you which displayed a mistletoe. “surprise!”

the delivery man’s voice scares you, until you realise it’s johnny, hidden under a very smart disguise of a fake moustache and a replica of the uniform. your mouth hangs open even when johnny squeezes past you with the booze effortlessly hanging from one arm, sighing inaudibly at the absence of the heavy drinks.

“so?” the members are looking at you expectedly like they’re watching a movie. there’s endless thoughts swirling in your mind even when renjun grabs your hand with his timid one, but it calms you down just a little when he brushes a thumb over your skin. it’s like you’re waiting for the director to yell out ‘cut!’; even you thought you’d do better on a movie set.

“(y/n)-“

he’s cut off by your lips crashing onto his, garnering a few ooohs and ahhs, including the satisfied smiles and sighs of relief. renjun’s lips taste like a mixture of the candy cane drink he spat out earlier, and some whiskey with coke. it’s a confusing taste, but with the pace your lips are moving with each other, it allows you to draw out every other time you imagined kissing huang renjun.

it doesn’t even come close, if you’re being honest and even if you’re standing in front of countless other men he calls his members in a ridiculously sized k-pop group. renjun deepens the kiss when he turns his head, cold, but clammy hands coming up the cup your cheeks. they shock you for just a bit and there’s a shameless smile into the kiss as renjun continues to deliver pecks onto your own.

he chuckle and it sounds like well-written christmas movies, or the very first listen to michael bublé’s christmas album. you aren’t sure what to choose, but you know you like it and want to make him chuckle more.

in a blink of an eye, you’ve grabbed his hand, heading straight for one of the rooms that you often see when renjun’s gaming with haechan. you recognise it straight away from the set-up and in a rush to shut the door, you stumble just a bit before meeting the hard wood of the door in a roar of laughter.

“great, now they’ve locked two people out,” haechan nudges johnny.

“three!” johnny’s partner calls from the doorway, which makes the living room shake in another round of cheers, getting back into the natural flow of things before everything got interrupted by a plant. faintly, you hear them ask if the plan worked, and haechan’s prideful answer right after.

slowly, you peek out of your hiding spot being your hands. renjun’s eyes shine, “so you like me.” it comes out flatter than he expected and he winces.

you snort, taking a step closer to him on the door, half leaning on it. without any prompting, the other’s arms encircle your waist, now pulling you flush against him while your head rest on his front. the next moments are spent in comfortable silence, the rowdy party going on outside giving you a little of a main character moment. your breathing syncs up, chest expanding and contracting with the deep breaths you take. there’s always a puff of mist leaving your lips, but it appears less now that you’re in your crush’s arms.

“yeah. i like you,” you nod, coming to face him after the tight embrace. his fingers touch your cheek experimentally and you flinch, the pads freezing cold to the touch. maybe it’s because he didn’t touch whiskey for the past half ’n hour. gently, you take his hands in yours. “why’re you always freezing?”

“ugh. you figured me out. tactic to get you to hold my hands.” throwing your head back in a silent laugh, you shake your head in disbelief.

“at least you haven’t caught on to me, holding your hands down so you won’t have to-” a kiss to one corner of his mouth. “restrict me from-” another to the other. “doing this.” lastly to his lips.

renjun entertains your dramatic flair with his jaw hung open. it doesn’t last long, though. “why would i restrict you from doing that?” you shrug, letting go of his hands now that they gained sufficient warmth. renjun silently decides it’s not enough, but first, he wants to kiss you again. his fingers are less freakishly cold now, brushing against your skin to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. it sits there obediently, dissimilar with the way you did it. ‘it always falls out!’ you want to tell him later, but first, you want to kiss him again.

“huang renjun, you drive me crazy.” grinning, renjun knows it’s your way of confessing before his lips collide with yours with the fervour that hallmark movies lacked, and ironically, a plot which hallmark movies embodied. and just like that, you wish you could hold a pause icon over your head, because you wanted this to last for as long as it could.

[hoodieofholland]

Could you maybe do the reader is a famous actress and Tom is not famous and he used to make fun of her in high school and when he sees her he tries to apologise and ends in fluff😊

A/n: ooookaay, this went with a bit of enemies to lovers lol. I went through this shit in school, and I’m grateful that I learnt to deal with it later, I hope to everyone who has gone through it too that they feel good now :)

Warnings: mentions of bullying, language.

"Oh, fuck, I'm sorry!"

You almost can't register everything that has passed through your eyes, until a croissant falls from your hand. The food in now laying on the ground of your favorite cafe, a pout of irritation forming on the corner of your lips before you can see the man who has bumped into you.

"Oh, God, I'm really sorry. Hey, man, can you please- yeah, thank you", he's talking to one of the employees, who's heading to clean the mess now. "It's my fault, miss, let me pay you another- y/n?"

You finally lift your gaze towards the man in front of you, eyes huge as he takes a look at you, recognizing your features from so many years ago. And also for a recent poster he just saw in one of the bus stops while walking down the street.

"Uh, yeah, hello", you force a smile, too driven by the incident, but afraid to be rude with someone who might just be a fan. But there's something so familiar on his face that you can't bring yourself to remember immediately. The crooked nose, thin lips, and some more wrinkles by his eyes, more than you could remember-

Thomas. Your classmate from high school...

... or should you refer as your bully from high school?

"Tom?", you gasp in surprise. He smiles at you.

"Oh, you remember", he chuckles, shoving his hands inside his pockets. "Haven't seen you since school. I mean, personally. I think I have seen you everyday for the past couple of weeks".

You blush, lowering your head as a soft smile makes its way to your lips. You remembered Tom very well, not only because he was one of the prettiest boys in your school, but also because he used to make fun of you. A lot.

"Yeah, I think we never forget about the ones who impact on you the most", you say under your breath, but he still can hear it. A pout is visible on his lips, as a frown on his forehead.

"About that, I guess I never really told you how sor-"

"Oh, my God, it's y/n y/l/n!", a girl shout, holding her phone firmly on her hand as she makes her way towards you. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but can I take a picture with you?"

You turn your head towards the girl and smile. She's not much younger than you, has sparkles in her eyes and a light pink on her cheeks. You should be used to his kind of approach by now, since your last album was a hit by the end of last month, when it was released. Still, you found it exciting every time a person asked you to take pictures because they appreciated your work.

"Sure", you say, holdind your cup of coffee on your hand and trying to deal with the bags from your recent shopping on the other. Watching you struggle a bit, Tom offered his help.

"Here, lemme take it", he takes the bags and the coffee on his hands and step out of the way.

You prepare for the camera and when you realise, the girl is taking several selfies with you.

"Oh, God, thank you so much!", she cheered when she was done. "I just wanted to say that your songs really touched me, I went through the same things in high school and it was incredible the way you put it all in an album".

"Thank you", you giggle as she hugs you a goodbye. "Hope you have a nice day".

The girl walks out of the cafe, a huge grin of satisfaction on her face, and you are left with Tom by your side.

"That was cool", he says, still holding your things. You look at him and see his warm smile towards you. It made something click on your brain, an old memory, from when he made a joke about you signing down for the talent show in your school.

It was written in one of your songs, never letting your forget about that. Just a small line about a certain guy who made fun of your dreams back then. You didn't really care that much now, neither when you were in high school. You were brave, and that's what people most liked about your lyrics.

Remember when you told me I was silly trying singing?

"Yeah, it was", you give him a small smile and reach for your things. "Well, it was nice seeing you again-"

"Wait, uh..." he scratched the back of his neck. "I still own you a new croissant", his voice was rushed and his cheeks were blushing.

"No, it's not a big deal. It's okay, you don't have to-"

"I insist", he raises a brown. "For old times, c'mon. It's not every day we bump into our old classmates".

You take a look at you watch to check the time. You still had a couple of minutes until your next duty, so you shrug. "Why not?"

You spent the next thirty minutes sitting in a small table, with light chatter and even laughter. You and Tom talked about the last school year, about some other classmates and the ones you keep getting in touch.

"Well, I didn't attend to the prom anyways, so...", Tom chuckled sheepishly at some point, averting his gaze to his cup of tea.

"And why not?", you tilted your head, curious about why one of the most beautiful boys in school didn't go to the most expected night of school.

He coughed a bit. "I didn't- uh, the girl I wanted to go with didn't go, so... yeah. I rather be at home back then".

You frowned, "Did you invite her? Cause I can't see any girl declining your invitation to stay home instead".

Tom smiled shyly and bite his lips. "Guess I'm the one to blame. Didn't have the guts to ask her".

"Really?", you arched your brows in surprise. He shakes his head yes. "That's a shame".

"You didn't go neither, so you can't say anything about me", he said playfully and you laughed, but it happens that you realised you never told him that.

"How do you know I never went to the prom?", you ask, a trace of a questioning smile on your lips. His smile fades away, being replaced by a frown.

He takes a few seconds to speak again.

"Y'know, I listened to your album. It's great, really good", he says, hesitating. "And there's this one song, where I thought that the lyrics sound very personal and kinda... it kinda sounded like yourself, for what I remember from all this time ago".

Your breathe comes in a sharp, "Yeah, I- I know which one you're talking about".

He stared back in your eyes, "Is that about me?"

You freeze. The answer is easy, but you didn't want to hand it to him. "No. Not really", you clean your throat. "There were a bunch of people who said those things to me-".

"Yeah, but do all of them have brown eyes, thin lips and...", he chuckles, turning his head down for a second, "... a slit on his eyebrow?"

You gulp, those were, in fact, parts of your lyrics. It was an obvious description of Tom. You could never forget how you spent hours of your day hating each one of those parts of him, but any time he would give you the tiniest smile when nobody was looking, you would list all these things in a different tone.

Frustrated, you grab your bags and makes a move to get up. "If you asked me to sit with you just to make fun one more time, then you didn't listen to my song carefully. It does not drive me mad anymore, Thomas".

"What? Hey, no!", his pupils were huge and he quickly touched your wrist, silently asking you to sit down again. "No, darling, I didn't mean it that way. 'M sorry".

You face him, breathing heavily as you tried to calm your nerves down. "Please, sit. Let me tell you something. If you don't like it, then you can go".

You raise a brow in suspicious, but sit back anyways. There's nothing he could say that would hurt you, you tell yourself.

"Well, go on", you hurry him up. He nods one time.

"What I meant is that... I felt like a jerk when I listened to this one, but not only because I realised the impact of the things I told you. Mainly because- because I realised that you never knew why I said those things to you. I saw... that maybe you did have feelings for me too, back then".

A moment of silence is settled between the two of you, Tom's ears getting red.

"What?", you breathed out. "Feelings for you too? What do you mean?"

He chuckles sheepishly, "Well, you didn't know that I had a crush on you?", he scratched the back of his neck. "I thought it was pretty obvious. My friends always said that, and I- I was kinda mad that you didn't like me back, so kept saying those things to you. It wasn't nice of me, but I was a kid. Anyways, I'm really sorry about that".

You blink a few times, unaware of what to say. For a moment, you thought that maybe he was just playing around with you, but you could see by the frown on his brows, the look on his eyes, that he was being sincere.

Tom laughs to ease the thick tension between you. "Sounds silly now, doesn't it?"

"So I was the girl? I was the girl you didn't invite to prom?", you ask lowly, and he nods a couple of times.

"Yeah. I thought that you would find me ridiculous. Y'know, you were kind, and talented. After that presentation of yours everyone thought you were cool and all. And I just lost courage".

Your heart sink in your chest, remembering the moments you spent thinking that Tom Holland hated you. And then you remembered the times you were sitting in the library, studying for the exam for next day. Tom sat in a chair beside you, there were not really many people around. He would say something like "hey, nerd, what you doing?". You would throw something near "fuck off" or "leave me the fuck alone", and the smugness would drop out of him. He would insist a couple of times until you ignored him, and he would walk out.

"You didn't answer me".

You blink, being taken from your memories. Tom is staring at you with worried eyes.

"About what?"

"Do you forgive me? For what I did and for what I said", he murmurs, playing with the napkins over the table.

You stare back, watching his wrinkles and the frown, the slit on his eyebrow and his deep brown eyes. His thin lips pressed in a tight line. Yeah, that was Tom, from your school. The one who used to make fun of you and now listened to an album based on the feelings you grew along the time you spent with him.

You smile a little, feeling a warm yet good pressure on your chest. "Yeah, we can see about that".

……………………………………………………………

[cld-n]

Hahah ok, here's my thoughts for us to compare notes.

- Watermelon Sugar was probably the thing that started to annoy me first, just completely overplayed and not worthy of the praise it got.

- His fans are insane and I do not want to be associated with those people.

- The COVID tshirt he designed/sold whilst the world was in lockdown but he continued to go on vacation and just disregard that the world was burning from the plague.

- I hate how he handled his tours being rescheduled, along with the lack of communication to fans regarding their money he had sat on for two whole years during a pandemic. Especially Australia who were not informed their tour was cancelled because he was doing a film.

- Pretty bored of him claiming he's 'private' but being forced by his team to see his girlfriend who's always being shoved down our throats every instance they can.

- Not really into how he hasn't promoted his latest album. Seems like he knows he's successful now and doesn't need to try/convince people he's made a good solid piece of work.

- His interviews are boring and he's too censored now to the point where there's absolutely nothing to relate too. His team have done a great job in making him a blank canvas for everyone to project onto but he's boring me.

- He's gone full Hollywood Harry with the films, a makeup brand nobody needed in Pleasing, a Gucci clothing line, he performed at Coachella when it's extremely well known the owners of Coachella are extremely racist/homophobic/donated tons of money toward turning over Roe v Wade in the US.

- And him and Olivia give me the ick. The whole cheating on set is extremely unprofessional and they both have zero remorse for what they did to the crew/her children etc.

- I finally realised he's just a white man who likes to make money and will exploit his fans constantly to do it under the guise of 'love' and 'TWPK' 😵‍💫

omg we have similar notes lol starting off strong with ws slander (Lights Up deserved so much better imo)

i resonate with most of these (omg the covid shirt lmao we'll never forget) and i'd also add the time when fans were asking for the merch they bought months prior and were wondering where it was meanwhile boxes of merch were given to cast + crew that harry was working with

him being an actor too, easily getting roles with his established level of fame when aspiring actors bust their asses trying to get a big break and then he whittles his experience as an actor down to "it's pretty easy cos it's just like playing make believe" like no wonder this guy's acting abilities (of what we've seen tbf) are subpar at best since he doesn't seem to think there's much to embodying a character or anything

and to add to the way he handled tour, when he postponed the UK tour to early 2021 and then towards the first date of the tour, everyone was like what's going on? is it still happening? etc. just for everyone to find out a week prior that Harry was casted in MP and that filming would start literally that week the postponed tour was supposed to start (fucking spineless honestly)

on the whole, it's really been as you’ve said, cos of the way fans have been treated and the way he makes it out like they're still so important like is this? a toxic relationship?