#and i put the smallest man LAST and i love that song more than myself

[charlesleclerctv]

like the way i was on point with like all of my predictions maybe the real cassandra was right here all along. fortnight IS a bop people DID underestimate down bad before release i WAS right to claim loml and so long london

CLEARLY you possess some powers i don't bc i only correct predictions of mine were guilty as sin and florida 😶‍🌫️

[intoanothermind]

Stand Tall - Reggie

Word Count: 7.8k

- Reggie x reader

Synopsis: your younger sister joins a band of ghosts, but she’s not the only one who can see them. You’ve seen them since you were a child.

Masterlist

Flying Solo - Reggie imagine

Akai Ito - Reggie imagine (soulmate au)

Bright - Luke imagine

—

I took a deep breath and smiled before leaving the taxi. A month with many projects and exams in college made me spend a lot of time away from my family. When that happened, I used to spend time with a friend who lived closer to campus. But now that I didn’t have to worry so much for a few more weeks until the next round of tests, I can finally take a breath and enjoy some family time between classes. I smiled discreetly at the elderly woman who was always across the street, watching her daughter. She flashed a huge smile back at me before disappearing.

“Papa?“ I asked out loud, opening the door.

I heard a noise coming from the kitchen and Dad appeared already coming towards me with a huge smile. “Mi hija! How was the tests? When will there be more?”

“Are you already trying to kick me out again?“ I laughed, accepting his tight hug. “Don’t worry, I have one more month before the final exams for the semester. Where are Carlos and Julie?”

"Carlos is still in school and Julie is rehearsing in the studio.”

My smile widened and a weight lifted from my chest. I was happy that Julie finally got back to connecting with the music after mom died. It wasn’t easy for any of us, but it was especially difficult for her. When Flynn told me on one of the last calls about Julie - two years younger than me - playing again and even joining a band, I was really happy. I could always count on my sister’s best friend to keep me informed in the smallest details.

“So is she really playing again? I will leave my things in my room and go and talk to her. ”

“No, no. Let me take your backpack, go and see your sister.”

“Gracias, papa.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek and went out again through the door to go around the house and get to the studio installed in the garage.

I heard music coming from inside, but I frowned when I heard several instruments and male voices mixed with my sister’s. The song was already over when I opened the door. Julie was talking to three boys that I had never seen in my life before. A tall, blond man had drumsticks in his hand and rolled them in the air. One with brown hair in a cap was talking to my sister with a twinkle in his eye. But the one who caught my attention the most was the pale, black-haired boy who was playing with a bass a little further away. Was that the band? I didn’t even know that Julie could talk to cute boys without stuttering.

“Am I interrupting something? I can come back later.”

The boys opened their eyes wide and looked at Julie as she turned to me a little scared and with a awkward smile on her lips.

“Y/N, hi! I didn’t know you were going to get home today! ”

I looked at her with a frown. She was acting stranger than usual.

"Yes, you did, Julie, I told you last week and called dad yesterday.”

She widened her eyes even more when she noticed my expression.

“Why don’t we go to your room then and you tell me how is college? Have you done many articles? Did you pass the exams?”

Julie walked past me and headed for the gate, ignoring the boys completely.

“Okay, this is getting weird. Jules, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”

The blonde let the stick fall on his face, the cap choked and the cute guy let the bass out of tune when he let his fingers fall. All of them, including Julie, looked at me with wide eyes.

“Can she see us?" the boy in the cap asked when Julie returned to his side.

"Why wouldn’t I see you?" I looked into the eyes of the three of them and that’s when I noticed the aura around them, a little blurry, an aura that I learned to recognize after a few years. “Sure, Julie and the phantoms. You are ghosts ”

"That was quick." commented the cute bass player.

“First the band’s name makes it kinda obvious. Second, Jules wasn’t the first person in the family to talk to ghosts.”

"Y/N…” Julie looked at me with an emotion in her eyes that I couldn’t figure out. "Does that mean grandma was really at the house when we were younger?“

I smiled a little sadly. Our parents were always understandable and tried to help us with everything, but when I said I talked to grandma, even after a year after her death, they had to take me to therapy. After a while, I simply learned to lie to Dr. Turner and say that I no longer saw the dead, I just made imaginary friends.

“Yes, but I haven’t seen her in years. Ms. Elliot, however, is still in the garden across the street watching over her daughter.”

"This is so cool!" exclaimed the man in the cap, approaching.

“Another lifer seeing us? Yeah!" the blonde smiled, also approaching along with the bassist.

Julie took my arm before I could introduce myself. "Y/N… Mom…?”

The weight on my shoulders returned and I sighed before I smiled at her, holding her hand in mine.

“She stayed here just long enough to ask me to look after you, dad and Carlos and say that she loved us very much.”

For a second I thought Julie would let the tears fall, but then she took a deep breath and passed her hand under her eyes to compose herself.

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“You still need to introduce me to your cute friends. I thought you couldn’t talk to pretty boys without being ashamed.”

The bassist broke into a silly smile and patted the blonde on the shoulder. "She said that we are cute and pretty.“

"Reggie…” The blonde shook his head before turning to me. “Sorry about… him. I’m Alex and these are Reggie and Luke.”

~*~ 

The past few days have been… a little bit strange. Well, for starters my subjects, despite having relaxed a little, I still have work to do. And while I’m at home, it’s difficult to organize hours of study and free time with taking care of three teenage ghosts. Julie was right - watching three kids who seemed to share the same brain cell is harder than it looks.

“Aren’t you going to give yourself a break?”

I was startled to see dad behind me, almost knocking over the glass that was still in my hand.

“The plan was to come and drink water and take my five-minute break.”

Dad made a face. “Good luck in studies, mi hija, but don’t forget to take a few more breaks. We don’t want you to fry that smart mind, do we? ”

I broke into a faint smile when Dad placed a kiss on my forehead before walking away. I sighed, getting ready for a few more hours of reading before heading up the stairs again to my room. When I got there, however, I stopped at the portal and went in quickly to close the door.

“What are you doing here?" I asked in whispers to the ghosts that were scattered around my room.

Alex was sitting on a purple puff next to the desk where Luke was sitting in the chair that usually sits opposite her. He had his head thrown behind, looking bored. Reggie was lying on the left side of my bed, looking tired.

"Julie kicked us out of her room." explained Luke, getting up and heading for my bookcase.

"Please don’t kick us out either." Reggie said with puppy eyes that he knew I couldn’t resist.

"Luke, stop messing with Y/N’s stuff!" scolded Alex and that’s when I realized that Luke was looking through one of the books he picked up on the shelf.

"It’s alright. Feel free to borrow any book you like.” I assured him, going to sit on the right side of the bed, where most of my stuff was spread out. "And you can stay, just don’t make too much noise, I need to study.”

“What do you study?" asked Alex.

"How long have you been studying?" asked Reggie and I laughed.

"I’m in my first year of journalism.”

“Nice." said Luke, sitting back in his chair and concentrating on the book.

"Well, now I need to concentrate." I said, lifting Reggie’s head that was on top of one of the printed articles I needed to read. I put his head back on the pillow and fluffed some of his black hair, hoping it looked like just a casual movement.

"Wow, what did you just do?!" Alex exclaimed, sitting upright on the puff.

"What did I do?" I asked with wide eyes and a racing heart at the possibility that he noticed.

"You touched him!”

“You really did!" exclaimed Reggie, holding my hand again.

"Oh, that." I sighed, relieved. “I always managed to touch ghosts. That’s why it took me so long to discover that I was the only one who saw them. ”

Luke and Alex remained wide-eyed, but Reggie just lay down again and put my hand back in his hair.

"I liked.”

While I fiddled with Reggie’s black hair with one hand, I used the other to lift the text up to my face to hide my red cheeks from the other boys. Gradually I ended up distracting myself, fiddling with Reggie’s hair as I read the text and made markings and notes. When my eyes started to weigh and my vision was blurred even with the glasses, I decided it was time to sleep. It wouldn’t do any good to try to study tired because my brain wouldn’t absorb it. I looked around when I realized that the boys had been silent for far too long. They were all asleep. Alex was huddled on the puff, Luke was hunched over the open book and Reggie’s head was bent toward my hand.

I smiled. They really looked adorable that way. I set my stuff down on the night-stand and stood up carefully so as not to wake Reggie. I lifted his head slightly to put a pillow under it. I took blankets from the closet and covered all three, remembering to take the book out from under Luke and marking the page he stopped with a piece of paper and left it beside him. I left the room trying to make as little noise as possible. I crossed the hall and sighed with relief when I saw that Julie was still awake.

“Hi sis." I whispered, getting her attention.

Julie looked up from her cell phone and smiled at me. She looked ready to go to sleep.

"Y/N!”

I broke into a smile. "Can I sleep here with you today?“

"Usually I’m the one to go to your room to ask for it." she laughed.

"Well, turns out that today my room is infested with ghosts.”

She snorted. "They are getting too loose.“

"I don’t really care." I said, shrugging my shoulders. "I wouldn’t have minded sleeping there as well, but Reg took up much of the space in the bed and it would be weird.”

Julie giggled and looked at me with a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

“Shut up!" I said warningly before she could say anything. "I don’t want to hear a comment about that.”

“Okay, okay." she raised her hands in surrender before moving to one side of the bed and lifting the bedspread inviting me to join her.

As soon as we settled down I watched my younger sister’s serene face.

"I’m glad you met them." I said quietly. "They do you good.”

“They do." she sighed. “And I’m glad you met them, too. They seem to like you. ”

I like them too." I said smiling slightly. “Although I don’t play like you do, I like to know that I also made friends with them. I also like to think that they will be here to take care of you when dad or I aren’t around. ”

"But I will always need my older sister around." she said quickly. "Besides, you made a promise to mom.”

I laughed lightly.

“That I did it and I intend to keep it, Jules.”

I approached her and hugged her. We sleep in that same position.

 ~*~

I arrived at the band’s presentation site with Julie and went straight to meet Flynn. She looked anxious.

“Am I too late?” Asked Julie, taking the backpack off her back.

“Too early.” Replied Flynn. "Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Flynn! Glad we got there early. Distracting tía y Carlos while Julie went down the window was not as easy as it seems.” I commented, laughing to remember how I needed to distract our brother with a little ghost story.

The next performance was announced and the audience applauded as we watched Carrie take the stage in a shiny silver outfit and pink wig. I opened my eyes wide, trying to keep my face from turning into a frown.

“I never thought she was going to take this little group forward." I commented.

"I envy that you finished school before you had to see this." replied Flynn, tossing the braids over his shoulder.

“Hope you all came to have a great time.” Carrie said from the stage and put on reflective glasses, also pink.

“Dirty Candy? How’d she get on the list?” asked Julie.

“Her daddy probably made a call.” replied Flynn, pursing his lips. "I like this! Pretty flower.” she pointed to the vest that Julie wore and I realized I recognized it.

"Thanks. It’s dahlia. My mom’s favourite.”

Carrie started to sing and four other girls also came on stage. I raised my eyebrows, wondering how I got to a Barbie pop show. I felt the air stirring around me and noticed that Luke and Reggie appeared on one side and Alex on the other, all paying attention to Carrie. Alex, however, looked a little uneasy and I held back the smile when I realized why.

“Alex." I whispered, trying not to get too much attention from the people around me. "Go on, I know you want to.”

I didn’t even got an answer. He just disappeared from my side and appeared on stage among the girls. Julie looked at us behind her and Reggie shrugged while I just smiled. Alex looked confused for two seconds before he started dancing behind Carrie. In the chorus, he disappeared from the stage and appeared again beside me, slamming his fist on mine discreetly in greeting.

“You having fun out there?” asked Julie

Alex coughed a little, trying to hide it. "It’s not my fault. It’s my, hm… It’s my feet.”

“Yeah." Julie replied, raising her eyebrow. Reggie and Luke, on my other side, just looked at Alex smiling.

“Put me back in, coach.”He said before disappearing to the stage again.

“Oh, it’s the guys.” Julie explained to Flynn when she turned to us, confused.

"Alex is dancing with the girls and is so much better than Carrie." I detailed it a little more, making her laugh when imagining the scene. "My boy is rocking up there." I commented with a bit of drama, laying my head on Reggie’s shoulder without caring about people watching me interact with the air. "I so wish I could have that on video.”

“You look like a mom." commented Reggie, laughing.

"What can I say, the three of you just make me so proud." I joked, wiping my eyes as if I were drying a tear. But Reggie looked at me with a strange twinkle in his eye, but before I could ask anything, the song ended and we turned to the stage in time to see Alex doing a little jumping around saying something about blushing.

He came up beside me again, trying to hide it. “Hey. I was just… I was just doing that for you guys.”

I patted him on the shoulder in support while Reggie said, playfully. “Yeah, you can stop smiling now.“

“I’m not gonna lie. That was… kind of good.” Julie said and I clicked my tongue.

"Wow, Jules, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one in the band." I ignored the boys’ protests on hearing this. “The good part of the presentation nobody else could see, unfortunately.”

“Yeah. I forgot why I hate her so much.” replied Flynn.

Carrie and the other girls got off the stage and came towards us.

"Hi, girls. Um, isn’t it past your bedtime?”She said to my sister and her friend.

“Now I remember.”

“If you’re looking for Nick, he didn’t come.”Carrie continued on to Julie, who simply stepped forward confidently.

“That’s not why I’m here.“

As if waiting for a cue, the presenter introduced the band. But as Julie and the Fat Ones. I couldn’t help laughing at the face Luke made.

"Really?” asked Alex, with a grimace.

"Yeah, man. My handwriting sucks.” Luke tried to apologize.

"Next time, Alex will sign up." I said, trying to look casual.

Julie passed Carrie’s group straight to the stage. The expression on Carrie’s face was priceless when she walked away from us. Flynn left shortly after to turn on the projector - just for the sake of effect. Julie sat down in front of the keyboard and said the correct name for the band.

"Good luck, boys." I said, holding Reggie’s hand quickly and discreetly before going after Flynn.

The lighting focused on Julie and I felt my heart fill with pride. It was the first time I had seen my sister perform after mom died and I knew it was worth the punishment dad would give me if he found out that I helped her escape from home. When she started to sing, I accompanied the music by whispering softly through my teeth. After watching the rehearsals so much, Finally Free's lyrics stuck to my mind and as the notes went up I felt the music reverberating in my body. When the boys appeared on stage playing and people in the audience stood up, I felt like jumping for joy.

It was great to see people enjoying their work. It didn’t matter if they think they’re holograms - they’ve got a second chance to do what they love and to see them there at ease and full of energy is comforting. All four played with their soul and their stage chemistry was incredible. Especially from Julie and Luke. I didn’t need that Flynn me whispering over there they’re into to each other - the intensity of the look when sharing the microphone was obvious. Alex and Reggie also noticed the exchange of looks they had. What really shocked me, however, was when shortly after Reggie turned to me and winked at me. I choked on the lyrics I whispered to accompany Julie and did my best to keep my cheek from blushing. Flynn obviously noticed and laughed at me. The song ended, the boys disappeared again and the audience gasped.

“Thank you, we are Julie and the Phantoms. Tell your friends.”Julie said goodbye and got off the stage. I couldn’t help laughing when I noticed how she took Reggie’s phrase.

"Let’s meet them at the counter." I called Flynn, who quickly put the projector in his backpack and followed me.

Julie came to find us and quickly hugged Flynn.

“You were incredible!”Flynn said.

I soon hugged Julie too.

“Yeah, we were.”I heard Reggie behind me and turned to see him standing next to Alex and Luke, who were sitting at the counter.

"If it weren’t weird, I would give you a hug now." I said to them, trying to look discreet. "I loved the presentation!”

“I’ll charge you for my hug later." said Alex, making the boys laugh.

"Okay." I assured you.

"Hey!" interrupted Luke, pointing to someone behind us. “Whoever Carrie was trying to impress is coming this way.”

“She looks all business.”Commented Alex when we saw a woman with curly hair and a suit coming towards us.

“Wait, who should do the talking?” asked Reggie.

So cute, but also so dork.

“Okay, Julie. Julie.” he corrected himself.

“You got this.” Encouraged Luke.

"I can help you with it if needed." I whispered to Julie just before the woman arrived and offered Julie a hand.

"Hi, I’m Andi Parker, and I would- ”

“Julie. Y/N. ” a voice behind the woman took our attention.

It was dad.

“Shit." I swore under my breath.

~*~ 

Whenever I had some free time I went down to the garage to watch the band rehearsal. It was amazing the connection they had and how they gave their soul to the music. Julie and Luke singing together with everything they had, Reggie focused on his bass and Alex moving his head to the beat of his drums. It was an incredible sight, but also one that always squeezed my heart to the point that I needed to go back to my room before they finished a song to prevent the lump in my throat from dissolving into tears. I always wanted to have that connection that mom and Julie had with music, but I was never able to play anything and I certainly didn’t know how to sing. And now not only has she reconnected with mom in a way that I could never do, but she has also found something in common with three amazing boys.

At those times, when the tightness in my heart was too strong, I would lock myself in the bedroom, in the most absolute silence. I took out my notebook with notes. When I was younger, I used to try to at least compose a song, but after a while it became notes for a story. Music and books have always been my passions and if I couldn’t go on with one, why not try the other? Not that I would ever get the courage to publish something, but I liked to imagine that I would have some material for that.

"What are you doing?”

I let out a scream that certainly didn’t make me proud. I turned and realized that Reggie had appeared beside me on the bed - completely thrown on the mattress and with his arms behind his head. I tried to control my heart a little to respond.

“I thought you had a rehearsal.”

“I thought you were there watching us. When we took a break and didn’t see you there, I came to see how you were.” he shrugged, as if it was nothing much. "What are you doing?“

"Just a few thrown ideas." I replied, trying to sneak up on the notebook, but Reggie took it out of my hands before I could do it.

"This is for a book, isn’t it?" he asked, in a serious tone that I never saw him using. I just nodded. “Y/N, this is incredible! It makes me want to read. ”

I laughed softly, before asking. "Are you serious?”

“Yes! Why don’t you try to publish something? ”

I scratched the back of the neck, a little uncomfortable. "Well, I never thought I was going to be talented at anything.”

“How so?" he sat up, tilting his head so that I could look into his blue eyes. I was breathless for a moment.

“I really wanted to know how to make music, but when I realized I couldn’t do it, I tried to create stories where I could. But I never even thought it would be worth publishing. ”

“I think you should try. I would definitely read it. ” he said, opening a beautiful crooked smile. "Why do you do journalism when you could try to be a writer?”

“Because while I don’t have neither the material nor the courage, I can write other people’s real stories." I replied, taking my notebook back from his hands. I turned around to put the notebook and pen in my hand back on the night-stand. "What do you think about watching a movie?" I suggested .

"Yes! There are a lot of things that I still need to catch up to.” Reggie commented, lying back on the bed and making himself comfortable.

I tried not to blush as I got up to get my laptop. “We can see the Star Wars movies that you haven’t seen. We can skip the scene where Han Solo dies, no problem, I’ve seen them a couple times.”

"Would you do that for me?" he had a childlike gleam in his eye that made me laugh a little.

"Move over.”

We settled next to each other on the bed. I put the first movie on the laptop in my lap and we started the marathon. I barely noticed when I fell asleep on Reggie’s shoulder.

 ~*~

A few days later I was lying on the couch trying to complete a story that I had to deliver in two days. Reggie was sitting next to my dad at the table in the other room and none of them seemed to have noticed me there in the next room. I even thought about getting up to concentrate on the room, but I loved how Reggie tried to interact with dad. It was funny - and very cute. Alex came up and started talking to Reggie too. But when I heard Carlos’ voice, things became really interesting. I remained lying down, but I paid more attention to the conversation when Carlos commented about the house being haunted by ghosts who had a dream, but that dream was interrupted by a tragic accident.

“Our house is being haunted by a very talented… chef. ”I could hear the boys’ sigh of relief, but I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing.

“Looks like someone fell asleep watching Ghosts Hunters and Chopped.“

I had to hold my laughter even more when Carlos started talking about a sauce recipe and Reggie commenting that he was like my dad. I made a face at the thought that I liked a guy who said he looked like my dad. It wasn’t very difficult for my little brother to convince dad to make the French dip - it’s not like he doesn’t like food.

I lifted my head and realized that Dad closed his laptop and left. I prepared to do the same when I heard Alex and Reggie’s conversation.

"I will miss them.”

“I hope you’re not thinking about looking for someone else’s garage." I joked, but feeling tight in my chest.

They both started, looking at me wide-eyed as I approached the table.

"Y/N… hey…” Reggie tried to hide it, but I could see in their eyes that something was bothering them.

But I knew they weren’t going to tell me, so I needed to find out another way. I would have to do an investigation. I’m glad I had some sources between the ghosts.

“Well, I need to go out for an interview with a source." It wasn’t quite a lie. "Don’t do anything stupid, boys.”

I squeezed Alex’s shoulder lightly and leaned down to kiss Reggie’s cheek before leaving. I left the house so quickly that I didn’t have to worry about hiding my burning cheeks. I also didn’t notice their reaction. I was on a mission to find my favourite skater.

~*~ 

When I returned home, I could almost feel the tears stubbornly leaving. But I swallowed the tears, because I needed to talk to Julie about what to do. I wasn’t even sure if she already knew about the boys’ situation or not, but we couldn’t leave them suffering like that. I couldn’t leave them suffering that way. I looked for it in the garage first. If my sister wasn’t there, at least I would have a chance to talk to them.

“Someone once told me that you don’t ask for permission. You book gigs by doing.”Julie was saying when I showed up at the half-open gate.

The boys were lying on the couch and on the floor, looking depressed, while Julie was standing in front of them, as if giving a lecture. Alex had the drumsticks in his hands and Reggie was hugging his bass.

“That was me.”Reggie said with a little smile on his face.

“No, it wasn’t.” denied Julie and Luke.

“Yes, it was.” Reggie grunted, looking down.

"This isn’t over.” continued Julie, ignoring him. “We were brought together for a reason. To help each other.”

“Yeah, but like Luke said… People don’t just play at the Orpheum because they want to.”Said Alex.

“People don’t.” I said, drawing their attention. “But ghosts do.“

Julie turned a little scared to me. From the look she gave me, I think my expression showed all the sadness I was feeling.

"All you need is to haunt them in a different way." I suggested, taking a deep breath to control my emotions. “In a few days Panic! At The Disco will play with a not very famous band that will arrive here almost at the last minute because they will be doing a show in Las Vegas. You just need to make sure that they don’t arrive on time and that you’re the best option.”

For a few seconds they were processing this and I used it as my cue to get out of there before they saw my tears pooling in my eyes. I couldn’t afford to be selfish. They needed to make the move before the only option left for them is to join Caleb. I heard Reggie’s voice calling me, but I ignored him and continued on my way to the house. But even before I crossed the space between the gate and the stone path to the smaller gate, I felt a hand pulling on my wrist.

"Y/N…” Reggie said quietly looking at me with those blue eyes full of emotion. “I don’t like it when you cry. I’m sorry.“

I laughed softly. I hadn’t realized that some tears had came out.

"No need to apologize. I understand that you need to do this. It’s just…” I took a deep breath, trying not to choke. “It hurts to think that I will have to lose someone else. Especially someone who has become so important to me. I mean, the three of you have become very important to me.”

"You have become very important to us too." Reggie said, still holding my hand. “You have become important to me. I’ll miss you.”

I didn’t think before throwing my arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly against me. He tensed for a few moments before hugging my waist with the same intensity. And we stayed there, saying nothing, just enjoying what could be our last hug.

“Reggie, we have to think of a plan!" we heard Luke shouting from the garage and Alex scolding him saying something about giving up a little space.

I took a deep breath before letting go of his comforting embrace. I placed a kiss on her pale cheek, this time longer than the one from earlier.

"Go. They need you.”

Reggie opened his mouth to say something, but I quickly turned and went home with tears streaming down my cheeks.

 ~*~ 

I was quite nervous as we waited to find out if the plan had worked. But while I just waited sitting on the sofa in the garage, with the occasional twitch in my leg, Julie was in front of me pacing and making my nerves worse.

"Julie, I love you, but stop walking before I need to tie you to the couch!" I exclaimed.

"Sorry, I’m nervous." she said, continuing to pace.

"I know! And it’s making me nervous!”

The boys suddenly appeared in front of us and Julie went into an outbreak, asking so many questions at once that I almost couldn’t keep up.

“That’s a lot of questions!” exclaimed Reggie, interrupting her. “Luke, do you wanna take this one?”

“Take a seat.” instructed Luke.

“Finally." I mumbled, pulling Julie by the arm to sit next to me.

“It’s fine, everything is fine.” continued Luke, approaching the low table in front of us and leaning on it with the other boys.

“Yeah. You should be getting a call right .. now!” said Alex, taking an effect break and pointing the boys at Julie’s cell phone on the table. But the screen remained off. After a few uncomfortable seconds, with me trying to keep from laughing at Alex’s disappointed face, he tried again. “Okay. Right… Now!”

The phone finally rang and Julie screamed.

“Nailed it.” said Alex, holding out his hand for Luke and Reggie to touch.

But Julie didn’t answer. "Answer it, Jules!" I shouted along with the boys.

She put it on speaker.

“Hi, this is Tasha from the Orpheum in Hollywood.”

That’s when one of the best scenes I’ve ever seen started. Julie jumped on the couch, almost stepping on me, while Alex jumped across the table towards the armchair and Reggie and Luke celebrated with a strange dance. Julie opened her arms when the woman spoke again and everyone stopped like statues watching her pick up her cell phone. And while Julie jumped on the table to answer Tasha, Alex jumped into the arms of the boys, who held him in the air.

“I’m swimming!” exclaimed Alex, waving his arms, and that’s when I let out a loud laugh.

The boys put Alex on the floor and Reggie came over to me. I looked at her confused, until he took my hands and pulled me until I was on my feet. A second later, I was in his tight embrace. He even got up and spun me around. I just prayed that he couldn’t hear my heartbeat. When my feet returned to the ground, I noticed that Alex and Luke were watching us. I motioned for them to join us and joined them in a group hug.

“I missed hugs." Alex commented when we parted.

"Own, you can always ask me for hugs, you big baby." I said, hugging him tight again. He hugged me with the same intensity.

I noticed, over Alex’s shoulder, Julie looking at us with a smile on her face. I smiled at her when I pulled myself out of Alex’s arms and went over to her, squeezing her in a hug too.

"I’m so proud of you, Jules." I whispered softly in his ear.

Her only answer was to tighten me more in her embrace.

~*~ 

I stayed with Julie in the dressing room the entire time. We were both nervous, but we managed to calm down a little when Flynn arrived after preparing some effects on the projector. But nothing came out of my head that the boys could be in trouble to take so long to show up.

"Y/N, you’re starting to make me nervous, too." said Flynn, and only then did I realize I was pacing up and down in front of the couch, just like Julie had done that morning.

"Sorry, it’s just…” I tried to explain, forcing myself to sit on the couch and stay still.

“We understand." said Flynn, holding my hand.

"I just wish that today wasn’t their last night here." I sighed, propping myself up and elbows on my knees and letting all the weight fall on my shoulders.

"Y/N." Julie called me and waited for me to look her in the eye before continuing. "You like Reggie, don’t you?”

I gave a sad smile and nodded, unable to find my voice.

“Called it!" exclaimed Flynn, pointing at me and making us laugh a little. "The Molina family seems to have a thing for ghosts, it’s impressive.”

Julie rolled her eyes, but ignored it. "You should talk to him before they cross over.“

"And are you going to talk to Luke about your feelings?" Flynn muttered and I pointed out to her nodding in agreement.

"I wanted to talk to Reggie about it, so as not to carry that regret the rest of my life, but… I’m afraid of the reaction.”

“He likes you.”

“Totally." agreed Flynn.

I sighed. "I need him to have a little more time then so that I can say something.”

Julie opened her eyes wide and got up from the couch to take my place walking back and forth.

“Now you broke your sister.”

We heard a knock on the door and the technician called Julie, saying it was time for her to enter the stage.

But the boys had not yet appeared.

“Just a second.”Julie shouted at the door and approached us. "Something’s wrong. The boys were getting those jolts pretty bad as I was leaving. And they wouldn’t stand me up again.”

I sniffed, following her thought. I felt paralysed.

“They must have run out of time.“

“I’m so sorry, Jules.” murmured Flynn.

“They didn’t cross over.”Continued Julie, but I felt like everything around me was fading. "They’re gone. And I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

I couldn’t help a sob that escaped my lips. I saw Flynn getting up and hugging Julie, but then the technician shouted at her again and the two of them ran out the door. However, I couldn’t do anything, just stand there, paralysed. My thoughts hammered in my mind, but I could only think that those three boys were gone forever without having the opportunity to make the passage. Those goofs that won me and my sister over and made a huge difference in our lives. And we would never see him again.

“Y/N. Y/N! ” it took me a while to notice Flynn shaking my shoulders. I had to blink a few times to see her through tears. "Julie ran to the alley behind Orpheum, you need to talk to her.“

"I… I…” I took a deep breath. Even though I wanted to just break up there, I couldn’t. My sister needed me. "Okay, okay.“

I got up and followed Flynn’s instructions as to where Julie had run. I opened the side doors and found her crying in the middle of the alley with a flower in her hand. A dahlia. Mom’s favourite.

"Jules." I whispered as I approached. She stood up for me, a little scared, but a second later she threw herself into my arms and hugged me tightly, as if only that hug kept her from collapsing. I held her even tighter against me. “Breathe, sweetie. Julie, I think you should sing.”

She released me a little and looked at me confused. I dried her tears a little - mine - before speaking.

“It would be a beautiful tribute to mom and boys. They lived, died and continued the life of ghosts through music. They would like that. That’s what I would do if I had your talent.”

“Thank you, Y/N. Really." said Julie, smiling a little before hugging again and entering.

But I didn’t go straight in. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down so that I was emotional enough to hear her singing without the boys. When I went in again and joined Flynn next to the coach near the stage, Julie finished a speech and sat down in front of the keyboard to begin. I already felt my heart squeeze again when she started the first chords. The song approached the first chorus and I took a deep breath, murmuring the words between my lips. It was when Alex’s drums came up that I felt my heart stop. A few seconds later Reggie appeared in a red and black suit playing his bass. I felt a sob tear through my throat and put my hand over my mouth. I felt Flynn holding my free hand and hugging me to the side, as if she knew I needed that support to keep me standing.

Luke started to appear, but he was fading and coming back. I opened my eyes wide, worried, but then he came back singing and he didn’t disappear again and I could only smile and cry, excited. Alex sang a few lines and Reggie followed shortly after. I didn’t take my eyes off him, absorbing him as much as I could before he disappeared again. Our eyes met and he winked at me, opening his smile wider and I smiled back. It didn’t matter if I didn’t have time to tell him everything I needed. He was there, on that stage, together with his friends, his family, fulfilling the dream that he cannot fulfil while he was alive. My heart broke when they finished playing and the boys were gone, but the shadow of a smile remained on my lips knowing that they crossed and could rest in peace.

~*~

Dad, Carlos and Julie were walking home in front of me. They sang the chorus of Stand Tall excitedly, but as much as I wanted to participate in that moment with them, I couldn’t. I wasn’t as strong as Julie and she realized that I wasn’t well, as she always pulled dad’s attention back to them when he tried to get me to join them.

“You and your phantoms were unbelievable tonight.”Dad said when we stopped on the porch.

"I’m going up to my room, I have a headache." I made some excuse when I passed them. However, I made sure to stop in front of Julie and hug her tight. “You were incredible, Jules. I’m so proud.”

“What is it with her?" I could hear Carlos asking as I opened the door.

"Leave her be, Carlos." I hear Julie responding in a light tone of voice as I enter and leave them outside still. "She had a rough day.”

I locked myself in my room and quickly changed my clothes for a sweatshirt set before throwing myself on the bed. I stared at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears that continued to fall, but it seemed impossible. Now that I was alone, it felt like a whirlwind of emotions was falling upon me. I don’t know how much time I spent in that catatonic state before I heard a noise inside the room. It was the same noise as when the boys teleported. I sat up quickly, looking around hopefully. My heart almost stopped when I saw Reggie still in his red suit shyly approaching the bed.

“Reg?" my voice failed, as did my line of reasoning.

I was dreaming. There was no other explanation.

"Hi, Y/N." he waved his hand in that cute way that only he knew how to do. But I was still paralysed, looking at him with wide eyes. He started to speak nervously. “Well, it seems that playing at the Orpheum wasn’t our unfinished business, so the boys and I disappeared into the garage to let you and Julie think we had crossed over, but then she went into the garage and tried to get us to Caleb’s club. But of course we weren’t going, so she managed to hug Luke, he started to shine, we started to shine when we hugged them too and Julie said that you were here alone and practically-”

I hardly understood a word he said. But it helped my brain to understand that it wasn’t just my imagination. I interrupted him before I could finish speaking. I just jumped out of bed, took his face in my hands and kissed him. It was as if all the weight in the world came off my shoulders and I could melt right there. I didn’t care that he was a ghost, I didn’t care that Caleb could go after them, I didn’t care that they would one day have to find out what their unfinished business was and needed to cross over to the other side and I cared even less that my tears were mixed with his. All I cared about at that moment was the feel of his lips against mine and his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him.

I just leaned away when I needed air.

"That was nice." he commented in a thin, choked voice. I realized that he still had his eyes closed and I smiled at the expression he had on his face. "Can we do this again?”

I laughed softly before pulling him back in for another kiss. I was lost in his smell, his taste and his touch. I hardly noticed the teleportation noise in the room again.

“Y/N, we came here to… Wow!”

Reggie and I walked away again and saw Alex and Luke near my closet, both blushing and embarrassed.

“Really, guys?" Reggie asked, not only keeping his arms around my waist but pulling me even closer. "Right now?”

“We came to see how you were doing, but you look busy." said Luke, scratching the back of his neck. I was struggling to keep myself from laughing.

"We’ll be back later." said Alex simply, taking Luke’s arm and making them both disappear quickly.

I looked back at Reggie, who was already looking at me with a silly smile on his face.

"Where were we?" I asked with a mischievous smile on my lips as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and played with a few strands of his hair.

"I think you can remind me." he said, leaning over and kissing me again.

[cuttoothed]

Day 8 of @jonmartinweek for the “AU” prompt.

This week has been such a delight to write for, and it’s the most productive and inspired I’ve been in a long time. I've really enjoyed all the great content coming out of this week. Thanks to the organizers for this wonderful event!

CW here for depiction of depression, though the term itself isn’t used. Depression symptoms are also shown to spontaneously improve over time, though it is stated that this is not a complete or permanent recovery.

*

There is a land with many gods. Gods of war and of peace; of harm and healing; of storms and snows. Gods of life and death; gods of hearth and home. The smallest village has its own small god; the cities have thousands, all clamoring for attention.

There is a valley with a kind and gentle god. He makes sure that the rains fall in spring, and in summer that the sun shines on the fields of growing crops. In winter he tempers the cold winds, gentles the frosts to spare the valley worst of the chill. The people love their god, and trust that he will always care for them.

Until one spring, the rains do not fall, and the clouds do not part to let the sunshine through. A freezing fog rolls in, blanketing the little village and the lands around it; the fields remain frozen, and those few plants that sprout from the frost-bitten earth rot in the clinging damp. The people despair, because their god has never let them down before. Have they done something wrong? Angered him somehow? They will have enough stores to survive one year without harvest, perhaps two; if their god’s kindness does not return by then, they will have to abandon the valley that has been their home for centuries.

The most senior leaders from the village go to speak with the god, in his shrine on the hillside. The god is distressed at their plight, but he tells them he cannot help; his soul is mourning, and he does not know why. He has tried to call on the sun, on the soft rains, but his heart is too sorrowful, and all that comes is fog.

The people of the valley try everything they can think of, to restore their god’s happiness. They bring him gifts, recite stories and songs; they throw a carnival in the foggy village square, with costumes and games and music. They offer to search for anything that will make him happy, if he will only tell them. But the god cannot tell them, and nothing brings him joy, and the fog remains.

*

One day, a scholar comes to the village. Jonathan Sims is from the city, from one of the temples of knowledge, where they have heard about this valley and its inconsolable god. He walks through the cold, mist-shrouded streets, and up to the hillside where the god’s shrine is.

The shrine is a cottage, small and quaint, with lights in its windows and smoke curling from its chimney; it isn’t like any shrine Jon has seen before. He hesitates before knocking on the door, unsure if this could truly be the home of a god. The person who opens the door looks like a man, with a kind face, and rough, home-spun clothing; he is quite unlike the gods of the city, who are sharp and polished and alien. But one look at his eyes tells Jon that this is the god: they are ageless and endless, swirling like silver-gray fog.

“I’m sorry,” says the god, “I’m not really in the mood for visitors at the moment.”

“Please,” Jon says, before he can shut the door. “I’ve brought jasmine tea—I heard you enjoy it?”

The god hesitates a moment, then says:

“All right, you can come in—but just for tea.”

The inside of the cottage is what Jon would have expected from its outside, cozy and cluttered, with a fire crackling in the hearth. The god fetches saucers and cups and brews a pot of the fragrant jasmine tea, and there are little cakes with dried fruit and honey, which the god tells him were a gift from the village.

“I’m not much of a baker myself,” he admits, pouring the tea. Then he asks: “What’s your name?”

“Jonathan Sims—Jon. What, uh, what should I call you?”

“I don’t have a name,” says the god. “The people around here just call me “the god”, and I’ve never thought to ask them for one.”

“You could always choose one for yourself.” The god gives him a curious look, as if that’s not something that had ever occurred to him.

“I suppose that I could,” he says. He takes a sip of his tea. “This is very nice, thank you.”

Jon has never had tea with a god before. The god asks him about the city and his work for the Temple of Beholding, and Jon finds himself talking freely; this god is very easy to talk to. His face is open and kind, and he listens attentively as Jon talks about the city, its people and its gods, about the work of the Temple to gather knowledge, to understand their world.

“Why did the Temple send you to me?” the god asks at last.

“We heard of what happened in the valley—of the fog,” says Jon, and sees guilt flash across the god’s face, the silver-gray of his eyes darkening. “I came to see.”

“Not to try to cheer me, then?” the god asks. There’s a bitter note in his voice.

“No, not to cheer you. Just to speak. To understand.”

“I’m glad you aren’t wasting your time, then,” says the god. “My people have done all they can to lift my sorrow. And I have tried, every way I know how, to send this fog away, to clear the skies, but I cannot—”

He shakes his head in frustration, lines of worry and grief etched across his features. Jon has the sudden impulse to reach out and comfort him; but this is a god, and besides, they’ve scarcely even met.

“I’m sorry that you carry such a burden,” he says. The god looks at him, and his mist-colored eyes are grieved.

“My sorrow isn’t important, only that it causes me to fail my people.” He turns away, his expression pained. “I’m sorry—I shouldn’t bother you with my troubles. It’s probably best that you leave.”

Jon wants to protest, but he thinks it’s probably not a good idea to refuse a god’s request. He sets down his teacup and puts on his coat, and at the door he pauses.

“May I come back tomorrow?” he asks. The god considers, and then nods.

“I would like that,” he says, with a faint hint of a smile.

It’s quite a lovely smile, Jon can’t help noticing.

*

In the village, Jon asks about the god. The god has always been there, he learns. The god has always cared for them, has always ensured their harvests are bountiful and their winters are mild. The people of the valley don’t understand why their god is so unhappy now, but they hope it doesn’t linger too long. They need him to be the joyful, attentive god he has always been; they depend upon it.

The next day, he walks back up to the cottage on the hillside; the door opens to his knock, and the god smiles in greeting. They drink tea by the fire, and Jon asks about the valley—about how it is, when the fog isn’t here. The god talks about the farms and the orchards, the beauty of this place in both summer and winter; he talks about the lives of the people, their joys and their trials, how they rely on him for their wellbeing.

“That sounds like a great responsibility,” says Jon.

“They need me to care for them,” the god says simply. “So that is what I do.”

They talk into the evening, and the god insists Jon stay for supper; a rich stew of root vegetables and herbs. The god smiles shyly when Jon compliments the meal.

“I’m a better cook than a baker,” he says.

It’s coming into night when Jon leaves, and the god gives him an oil lamp to light his way to the village. His fingers brush against Jon’s as he hands him the lamp, and there is a jolt of electric sensation; a reminder that he is still talking to a god.

“Walk safely,” says the god.

“May I come back tomorrow?” Jon asks, and the god smiles, his eyes shining silver-gray.

“I look forward to it.”

*

Jon comes back the next day, and the next day, and the next. Sometimes he and the god talk; sometimes, when the god’s sorrow is too deep for conversation, Jon makes tea and they sit together quietly. Some days they walk in the hills, where the fog coils around the god’s feet like a cat. Jon brings the god the books he’s carried with him from the city, and the god—eventually, shyly—reads Jon a poem that he’s written. Jon is no aficionado, but the soft sincerity of the god’s voice makes something warm curl in his chest.

Their fingers brush over tea cups and the spines of books, each touch sending that little electric thrill through Jon’s nerves, and a warmth that has nothing to do with divinity. He knows it’s foolish—utterly ridiculous—to harbor such feelings for a god. But the god is kind and caring and clever; he sometimes makes terrible jokes, and when they walk, he insists on stopping to greet every shaggy brown cow they see.

The god is also sad, a bone deep, aching sorrow whose roots are unfathomable. He tries to explain it to Jon: he has always felt such sorrow, from time to time, as if all the joys of life were far away, seen from behind glass. But it has never lasted for so long, and it has never before prevented him from fulfilling his duties; he has always been able to push it aside, to do what he must.

That, Jon thinks, is part of the problem; his god is too kind, too devoted, too willing to sacrifice himself for his people.

His god, and when did Jon start to think of him that way? Not in worship, but in growing affection?

*

More than anything, the god loves to hear of Jon’s travels. He has journeyed far and wide in service to the Temple, and the god listens raptly as he describes distant places he has been, sights he’s seen, people he’s met.

“I’ve never traveled anywhere,” the god admits. “It sounds quite wonderful.”

“It can be,” says Jon. “Though it’s best when you have somewhere to return to.”

*

One morning in midsummer, the fog curls denser than ever, and Jon can scarcely find his way to the cottage through the murk. He hurries as fast as he can, worried that something might be astray. He worries more when the god does not open the door to Jon’s knock; Jon wonders for a moment if he might not be home, but they had agreed to walk and visit the cows today. His god would not forget.

He hesitates, then lets himself in.

He finds the god curled by the fire, sitting on the floor with a heavy blanket around his shoulders. His face is drawn and tear streaked, and as Jon approaches another shuddering sob tears itself from his throat, fresh tears flowing from his silver-gray eyes.

“Oh—” Jon drops to his knees on the hearthstone, his hands flying up as if to touch the god’s face, but instead hovering helplessly above his shoulders; they have never touched, but for those accidental brushes. Does he have the right?

“Jon…” the god says, his voice rough and choked. “I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have to see me this way.”

“Don’t say that,” says Jon, distraught. “Are you well?”

“I’m fine,” says the god, even as another sob shakes his shoulders. “I’m—there’s nothing wrong, not really. I’m just being...selfish. Absorbed in my own foolish melancholy when my people—“

“Forget your people!” Jon snaps, more sharply than he intends, and he sees his god flinch. “Just for a moment, think of yourself. I beg you.”

“My people—this place—they are me,” says the god. “If not for them, what would I even be?”

“You would be dear to me,” Jon says, hoarsely, and the god’s fog-colored eyes go wide, startled. The truth, then, and this time Jon does press a hand to his god’s soft cheek. The touch sends that familiar, tingling thrill through his palm, the feeling that Jon has learned to love.

“Oh,” the god whispers, and his hand comes up to cover Jon’s on his cheek. He leans into Jon’s touch, smiling even as the tears continue to flow.

*

There comes a day, in autumn, that dawns with sunshine and blue skies.

Jon wakes with his god curled beside him in the warm nest of their bed, and watches the light shining in through the window with wonder. It isn’t precisely a surprise: the fog has been lessening these past few weeks, the clouds growing less gray, but still he had not dared to hope that the sun might return—to the sky, and to his god’s heart.

After a time, the god wakes as well—slowly, as he always does—and his tousled head turns towards Jon. His eyes blink open, and their color is the clear blue of summer skies.

“G’morning,” he says sleepily, and Jon’s heart swells with love for him.

“Good morning,” he says. “The sun is out.”

*

The people of the valley rejoice with the return of the sun. This year’s harvest is lost, but they can begin to plan for next spring’s planting. The leaders of the village go to the shrine to give thanks to their god, but the strange scholar from the city answers the door and refuses to let them inside.

“He’s busy,” the scholar says, and shoos them away.

*

“You know that the fog may return, in time?” The god’s fingers twine gently with Jon’s. “I love you more than breath, but love cannot guard against such inborn sorrow. It comes when it wills, regardless of life’s joys.”

“Let it come,” says Jon. “I have loved you in the fog, and I will again. You own my heart, however heavy yours might be.”

He lifts his god’s hand and kisses his fingertips, feeling the buzz of bright sensation against his lips.

“My dear,” his god murmurs. “My heart.”

*

It isn’t long before Jon receives the letter that he knew would come; the fog has lifted and there’s no more to be learned, he is to return to the Temple at once.

He reads the letter once, then burns it.

*

“We should go somewhere,” Jon says, one evening. His god smiles, fingers stroking through Jon’s hair, leaving little trails of electric sensation behind.

“That’s a pleasant fancy,” he says. “I would love to travel with you, see those wonderful places you’ve told me about.”

“Why shouldn’t you?” Jon urges. “Just for a time?”

“I-I couldn’t,” the god stutters. “My people—“

“Your people would carry on without you,” says Jon. “You have given everything that you are to this place and its people for so long; you’ve suffered through pain and sorrow in silence, until you could conceal it no more. You have thought of nothing for yourself, love, and so I must think of it for you.”

His god is staring at him now, his blue eyes wide and wet with tears. Jon grasps both of his hands, feeling the little sparks of divinity dancing across his skin.

“Come away with me,” he pleads. “Be selfish, for a little while.”

“Jon…” His god breathes his name like a prayer, and Jon wonders at the fortune that brought him here. His god smiles, bright and glorious.

“Yes,” he says.

*

They lock up the cottage before they leave, an empty shrine, but only for a time. The spring sun is shining, and in the valley below they can see people working in the fields, planting for their next harvest. The god gives a worried sigh, and Jon takes his hand.

“Your people are well,” he says, gently. “And we won’t be too long away.”

“I know,” says his god, and squeezes his hand. Then he smiles, wry and mischievous. “I had a thought; since we’ll be out in the world, I should choose a name. I expect most people won’t take kindly to calling me god.”

“That may be wise,” Jon agrees, laughing. “Have you thought of the name you might want?”

“Well…” his god says. “I was fond of the protagonist in that novel of yours—The Life and Adventures of Martin Blackwood?”

“Martin Blackwood, eh?” Jon says, considering. His god—Martin now, perhaps—tilts his head quizzically, his blue eyes shining.

“What do you think?” he asks, and Jon smiles.

“I think it suits you.”

[trickfootpike]

OKAYOKAYOKAY now that i've had a few nights to Ruminate here are way too many thoughts from 9/16's show -- fair warning that they aren't *super* coherent as a lot of this i just tried to loosely organize from dms i threw at folks night-of, but it is most of what i remember sticking out to me!

GENERAL THOUGHTS --

last saw the show in august of 2019 - back then i saw it up in the mezzanine, this time i was 7 rows back dead center in the middle of the orchestra. watching the show from the mezzanine feels like a god's eye view of the show while sitting up close in the orchestra is much more like being in the world of men, and how it hits in hadestown particularly is just nuts bc you really do feel like you're on the factory floor.

back in the London production i remember eva playing eurydice with more youth and hope to her, and when the show came to Broadway eurydice hardened. in a world with a pandemic eva seems to have actually shifted this back! Eurydice is still holding tightly onto Orpheus Knowing that the world is unlikely to be kind enough to let them have each other for long but she starts off less faithless than she used to, I suppose I would describe it? she's definitely played more open with others from the beginning rather than having it be something she has to really work towards!

WAIT FOR ME IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT FEELING FROM THE ORCHESTRA THAN THE MEZZANINE AND NOT JUST THE LAMPS. the lamps really only swing out to over the first 2 rows, speaking very generously, anyway. what i remember being most impactful from last time was how the whole theater rumbled as the walls of the set split to reveal hadestown. what i couldn't see and afaik no boot's been able to pick up is the the set ALSO SPLITS AND STRETCHES OPEN AT THE TOP. that awning that covers the balcony lifts and the wall of hadestown is revealed to stretch floor to ceiling and it is just so much, so fucking much oh my god i could not stop hysterically blubbering to myself watching hadestown stretch open like it is absolutely here to devour you whole. it makes you feel the immensity of The Wall. I've linked ig videos of the set pre act 1 and post intermission to give like the best perspective on it i can and tried to film them so they were zoomed as closely as to what my eyes were seeing as I could, but here are also some pictures!

PRE ACT ONE

INTERMISSION

after our lady of the underground when eurydice comes back from hades' office and Persephone is finishing with her show, me being closer this time i was actually able to see amber's face during way down hadestown ii and flowers. and how she portrays seph's feelings re eurydice, it's like : genuine concern and watching over her when she first starts on the line, Quiet Seething and Jealous Rage as the fates' tattle "Hades put his hands on ya" that sticks for a While including the first half of flowers, but as soon as eurydice remembers the meadow her and Orpheus visited her heart just b r e a k s and you can see her wiping away tears. seph's just so caught in her own feelings of helplessness in hadestown. when hades tells her to stay out of him dealing with Orpheus all the fight just deflates out of her and the direct accusing look Orpheus gives her at the end of if it's true mixed with seeing his effect on the workers makes her physically rear back like she's gotten the fight slapped back into her

even with this audience who almost for sure has all seen ht before, there was still the loudest heartbroken gasp when orpheus turned. i know everyone calls this out but it still hit me hard that with a greater percentage of previous viewers in the audience it still hit us all like a fucking brick

and ofc. road to hell ii. it's a millions times more impactful than it already was what with the pandemic, making it through hard times and how they could be hard again but making the best of them even if it doesn't turn out well this time either. i was crying so hard last time but this time i was crying harder but also feeling like a huge weight was being like, very softly cradled in my chest to take some of the burden away

TOM'S HADES/HADES AND PERSEPHONE SPECIFIC THOUGHTS --

Tom's Hades whole tl;dr could be that Hades is a Performance. all those descriptions of him beign "jazzy" and "egodriven" are correct, but there is also this massive vibe he gives off that all his showmanship is there as a cover up for the very pessimistic man at the core of him. when him and persephone are getting along the jazziness is there for genuine playfulness with her, but apart from seph it is a purposeful exaggeration on hades' part to get Whatever it is that he wants. he is playing up aggression as king (see papers) and what he thinks as being suave (see hey little songbird) to maintain his throne and his marriage, and Epic III is the Destruction of that performance. Tom's Hades at the end of Epic III isn't trying to sell anyone anything, you just get to see the suddenly very scared and unsure heart of the man behind the performance of foreman and king. And oh boy is Tom's Hades at his heart unsure. He is so fucking pessimistic; back in Act 1 when Orpheus starts to sing Epic I he turns from Persephone even before she gets reminded of the world above and starts longing for it, because he already expects to see it coming and he doesn't turn back to her Ever Again, literally until he comes to get her in Way Down Hadestown. Not even when she gives him a kiss on the cheek goodbye. His Kiss, The Riot is him trying to figure out how the hell he's gonna be able to rebuild his performance after his whole kingdom saw through it, but he also ends it being so very certain that the deal he figures out for Orpheus Will end with Orpheus failing somehow. There is no doubt in this very pessimistic Hades that doubt will come in, whereas Patrick used the end of His Kiss The Riot almost like he was desperately trying to justify that his doubt came to him only in Persephone's absence

road to hell i: tom's hades loves cheering on the band so much he is Part Of The Problem that Hermes has to get to chill out and it makes so much sense for this jazzy dramatic motherfucker

balcony time (road to hell i until livin' it up on top): when they were upstairs playing dominoes they kept laying their tiles with these overexaggerated movements.. Like when they actually getting along they are so damn flirty and trying so hard to make each other smile and laugh and it is TOO CUTE

way down hadestown: Once Again "I missed ya" gives me no rest, mostly because Tom delivered it with this super coy and cocky grin and Amber immediately smiled back at him like Persephone couldn't help herself

chant i: is spent with him looking up proud into his creation while persephone is looking down with heartbreak and disgust seeing the workers as people in suffering and the ugliness of hadestown. as the song goes on he gets increasingly frustrated like a child who's super proud of the drawing he brought home from school that Persephone has nothing but terrible things to say about. when eurydice starts singing about her suffering seph throws out her arm and points to her like "see! See what you're doing!!" while hades is more in himself processing his disappointment, frustration, heartbreak, but over the next minute you start to see him Formulating A Plan as he watches eurydice. but he doesn't look entirely sold on going through with it until seph throws out her last verse in disgust. it was absolutely the straw that broke the camel's back.

hey little songbird: THO IT SOUNDS SO SEDUCTIVE ON AUDIO. OML DOES IT LEAN INTO EURYDICE'S "STRANGE MAN" DESCRIPTOR. HADES IS LIKE THE CREEPY SALESMAN ON THE CORNER WITH WATCHES AND A TRENCHCOAT. BUT HE'S SELLING HIS SHIT WELL, HE'S JUST ALSO A WEIRDO

Why We Build The Wall/"Behind Closed Doors": That followup on hades' threat when eurydice arrives in hadestown. as hades goes to the stairs he like not whacks, but definitely nudges seph's arm harder than Patrick does to get her attention. when he did she Startled and laid her hand over her arm where he'd tapped her like she was overwhelmed by just that touch........ but then she turns around and watches him take Eurydice up and when he opens his coat and she Realizes you see her whole body go slack. once eurydice goes past the office doors hades turns and lingers staring pointedly down at seph, for *seconds* whereas with patrick i remember it being more of a pointed glance. it drills home that hades is doing this specifically to spite seph and he wants her to know it. and you can see amber discreetly wipe her face before she turns back to "does anybody want a DRINK." there's less direct seduction between hades and eurydice but more explicit threat between hades and seph about eurydice

papers: actually isn't too much Bastärde as it is his Performance. HOWEVER, the way he directs the workers to beat Orpheus is chilling. Like patrick he hangs around, but he's watching until the last 10 seconds so it's way longer. And he makes like the smallest gestures with his hand to direct the workers to the different stages of beating Orpheus, fuck it was twisted

how long: how long actually starts with seph and hades seemingly coming to each other on a similar page - hades came out pensively fiddling with his wedding ring and Amber delivered "I know" like seph was already past the eurydice situation. this also could have been a product of time and seeing how actually little he did "seducing" eurydice lmao

chant ii: very much Hades Sees Orpheus As A Threat™️ (more on this further below) , also dare i say it but tom kills I CONDUCT THE ELECTRIC CITY

epic iii: oh man oh man. he looks so untouched until Orpheus starts the lalas and he goes from completely passive unimpressed face to like. his body unfolds on his stool and his hands go slack and he looked between Orpheus and Persephone when he asked where Orpheus had gotten his melody. he asked it a lot softer than I expected him too as well. a big part of the audience actually laughed when Hades sang his lala because Tom cracks his voice during it but it petered off into sniffling when they realized why and then we were all just crying together as persephone placed the flower in his vest.

lovers desire: SOME VERY CUTE STUFF. hades' performance is broken but tom's hades is still a Jazzy Jazzy Man at heart and they're like 100 times more playful with each other - they're both giggling and grinning their asses off while they dance together and give each other these like nudges to the next series of steps and it was adorable and I was discretely sobbing. they both played it like they knew how to do this dance with each other better than they knew anything, the little nudges were like..... them playing inside this dance they already knew so well? Like more overexaggeration to make each other laugh and just revel in this wonderful thing they've rediscovered- specifically I remember that Amber raised her skirt soooooo high when she was doing the curtsey and Tom was like waggling his eyebrows at her and adding extra flourishes with his hands and widening his eyes super big everytime he pulled off a move (the funniest ones were when they do like the two-step where they move one after another in sequence and he's copying her moves in reverse and oml it was just adorable). When Seph had the move where she pulls their linked arms over his head to tuck him into her I remember that was the one part where he wasn't doing this goofy act but his expression straight up melted and he looked so smitten. and when it's the last bit of the dance and he spins her across the stage, seph's face breaks open with tears his expression responds with like this mix of heartbreak and "ohhhhh no baby please don't cry" as he moved across the stage to quickly take her into his arms for the dip at the end

AFTER this when orphydice has finished promises and right before Orpheus turns to ask Hades if they can go, they come out of slow dancing to the side but are still super wrapped up in each other - seph wraps herself around one of his arms and presses herself super close and Tom leaned down with this little smile like Hades was gonna try and steal a quick kiss, but then he hears/sees out of the corner of his eye/senses or something Orpheus approaching and pulls himself up and formal to be the king. When he says I don't know and seph wrenches herself away from him to the other side of the stage to firmly stand behind Orphydice he gets this look of Extreme Frustration on that she's still not standing with him and these damn kids are still more important, bc even with character growth he still is a petty selfish bitch who does not like to share lmao, he's just getting that he Has To now

wait for me ii: Hades stays onstage by the microphone stand to the left to watch Hermes deliver his judgement to orphydice/seph/the workers and watching Tom during this was a Treat. this is the first time he's seeing how orphydice and esp Orpheus function when he's not involved to terrify them. they're so sweet and so good, and they have what looks like so much unwavering faith in each other unlike him and seph, maybe they really could... so when he delivers "i let them try" that last word is stretched with so much wonder. he's getting this first glimpse into feeling how everyone else felt when orpheus sang of how the world could be that isn't just focused in about how he feels about persephone, which always drives him - now he's having to deal with the Greater Implications and orpheus' seemingly unbreakable faith in a better world rocks him to his core. that certainty that orpheus would fail gets shaken as he watches them and when Seph asks him if he thinks they'll make it, his I Don't Know is 1/2 defensive and 1/2 actual uncertainty. he still hates to be wrong but he's wondering if his beliefs about doubt will turn out differently this time. he isn't optimistic about it by any means but orpheus, eurydice, and the workers' response to them both does give him pause

meanwhile in hades and persephone's section, on a personal level they deliver their lines to each other like they're a great deal more nervous about what next fall will bring than i've seen and heard before - something I'm thinking stems from hades' worldview being so suddenly shaken and seph too being a little more vulnerable?

MISC THOUGHTS

Tom seems to be leaning into Hades not having done anything with Eurydice other than tempt her down - once she's in Hadestown even during Why We Build The Wall he drops the salesman croon entirely and when he does rarely speak to her/about her it's commanding as a king who sees her just as another object under his possession, with very little interest in her for anything at all beyond that. he was just going after the goal of making sure Seph knew he had Options whether or not he actually pursued them

tom is super dedicated to how power-hungry hades is. I remember when I saw Patrick during chant ii he was playing hades as more affected by how much seph seemed to care about the workers now and desperately trying to get her attention back (even negatively), Tom was more consumed in seeing Orpheus as a threat because of how effectively he had turned his "children" on him. He knocks Seph down in those "shackle her from wrist to wrist" less as a personal petty attack to her like Patrick does and more like to try and destabilize her as someone backing Orpheus up. Tom's Hades perceives Orpheus as a Threat no matter how much he plays up his Performance as Nonchalant Jazzy King. he really emphasizes Hades' relationship to Orpheus whereas Patrick played more into his relationship with Eurydice, which makes so much sense what with Tom's Hades being a pettier more egotistical messy bitch obsessed with his kingdom and Patrick's Hades' obsession being his wife and Hadestown being like, this side-effect of being a god that he just couldn't help, he Had to build and strive for power whereas Tom's Hades reveled in it and wanted it. Instinct versus drive I guess. one of my buds put it super well as: "Patrick!Hades sees everything as a threat to his power Tom!Hades is so certain of his power that he can afford to be somewhat nonchalant but the fact that Orpheus alone is his main genuine threat is fucking brilliant"

and ok for now, that's what I've got! if anyone wants any clarification or wants to ask details about specific moments I didn't put in here feel free to shoot me an ask!

[dorotharry]

i want to write you a song

pairing: modern!bucky x singer!reader

warnings: nothing i don’t think just fluff eeeek (maybe mention of parents that have passed away) (ignore lack of capitals i wrote this on my phone)

blurb: where bucky has trouble dealing with his past and constantly feels he’s not good enough for reader. so her being a musician/singer she writes him a song.

a/n: i thought of this a little while ago but i decided to write it while i was bored on the plane. hope you enjoy :)

MY MASTERLIST

it had been a year for bucky. a year since losing steve and a year since the final battle.

after everything bucky was still plagued with nightmares. shuri had removed all the awful things hydra had put in his brain, but he still constantly felt shame and guilt for his past.

so when he met you 6 months after thanos, and coming back after the snap it had been hard for him to accept your love. and to realise that even through the nightmares and mental torture you still loved him.

unlike bucky you weren’t one of the lost. you had to live in a world for 5 years without many of the people you cared about.

you had always had a passion for music but in a time where the world was broken you turned to music even more. and even though it was a sad and hard time you had 3.5 billion less people that could want to be a musician and so people started to actually hear your music. most people turning to it for comfort.

you had always felt pain, even before the snap; having lost your family years beforehand. and so when anyone you had considered close left there was nothing left for you besides music.

when people actually listened, it made you feel like finally you had a purpose in the world.

in those 5 years you became a house hold name. so many people listening to your music which sang the words impossible to speak when most felt numb.

5 awful years went by, and finally the rest of the world came back after the final battle. you became even more of a well known name then as familys and friends shared your music with those they had lost to tell them what exactly had gotten them through. your music.

you felt honoured. and yet there was still a hole within you. a hole that had been there even before everything.

it was one day 6 months after everyone had returned when you had left your apartment in new york to get a coffee at your favourite local cafe. you had your usual cap and sunglasses on, in an attempt to disguise yourself.

without paying attention you swung the cafe door open hitting another customer with two coffees in hand, sending his drinks flying. like you he had a cap and sunglasses on.

“oh fuck, i’m so sorry” you rambled pulling your sunglasses off in hope he could see your sincerity. by now he’d removed his sunglasses himself but he was looking nervously at the ground.

“no it’s okay i shouldn’t have these on insid-“ his voice cut off as he looked up at you. “you’re (y/n).”

you sent him an apologetic look, but it quickly turned to a smirk. “that i am. and your bucky barnes. but no it’s my fault, i wasn’t paying attention.”

his gaze suddenly seemed more nervous again. “your one of the few people that hasn’t referred to me as the winter soldier” he spoke letting out a small smile.

you smiled back at his response. “why would i? anyway please let me buy you some new coffees” by now the staff had started cleaning up the mess sending you both glares.

“no you don’t have to i can get some new ones.” he responded shrugging.

“no no, it’s the least i can do bucky.” you responded giving him a big grin.

“fine” he finally sighed. “if you you insist,” his poker face turning to a smile.

you both walked over to the counter walking around the now clean but wet floor. you ordered yours and his drinks giving the cafe a $50 tip as an apology for messing up their morning.

while you were both waiting for your drinks you continued your conversation. “so how does the bucky barnes know who i am?” you asked wiggling your eyebrows as you emphasised his name.

his face blushed as he laughed at your expressions. “well my best friend steve listened to your music a lot when half the world was gone. myself included. and so he showed me it once i came back. thought i might enjoy the sadness of the music.”

you jaw dropped as you gasped. “you mean to tell me the captain america knew who i was?! that’s way more cool than you knowing who i am”

it was buckys turn to gasp. he placed his hand over his heart in a dramatic manner, “i’m hurt doll, truly hurt.”

your heart fluttered at the pet name he had just given you but instead of showing it you just stuck out your tongue in cheeky manner.

more chatting went on between the two of you until finally you got your order. unfortunately the perks of going to a very busy cafe.

you exited the warm cafe and were met with the cool winter air of new york. pulling you jacket in closer to yourself. your sunglasses already back on.

“now i don’t really know how to do this anymore. the last time i flirted was in the 1940s but i was wondering if i could get your number?” bucky asked cautiously. you could tell he was nervous.

your heart fluttered again. he wanted your number? you fumbled with your words. “y-yeah of course!”

his face fell slightly noticing your nervousness. “if you don’t want to give it to me don’t feel like you have to” he replied.

“no no it’s not that bucky. i just would never have thought someone as attractive as yourself would want my number.” your eyes fell the ground in embarrassment.

it was buckys turn to be surprised. “if anything it’s the other way around doll” he replied as he handed you his flip phone.

after you had given him your number you had continued to walk with him to the avengers compound. (for once not having anything on this morning). you had resisted the urge the entire time to make fun of his flip phone.

it didn’t take long for you to become attached to bucky as the months went on. much like he did with you.

you had begun dating a month in and would see each other as often as both your schedules would let you.

you had tried to keep the relationship hidden for a while. but it didn’t take long for the public to notice that ‘the winter soldier’ was dating the worlds beloved ‘(y/n) (y/l/n)’.

of course rumours spread and though both of you had anxieties that neither of you were good enough for the other. it was bucky who it affected more. constantly acting as if you would just disappear one day and he’d be left an empty shell of a person like he once was.

after around six months you had become so comfortable with one another. and so his insecurities were something you could never understand, having never endured what he had. to you he was the strongest person. to him you were the strongest person he knew.

it was your 5 month anniversary of dating coming up and though it was drastically important it meant a lot to you so you wanted to do something special. something to ease his insecurities so you did what you did best. make music.

you were in your apartment the only light around you being the glow of candles. just having finished dinner as you snuggled up to him on your couch.

you looked up to the beautiful man you felt honoured to call your own.

“i have a gift for you.” you spoke softly.

“oh yeah?” he smiled giving you a kiss on the nose causing you to blush.

“yep” you replied, “but i’m gonna have to go get it.” you jumped up out of his arms and he pouted as you ran off.

seconds later you returned with your guitar sitting back down next to him. he raised an eyebrow at this.

you gave him a kiss on the cheek and then leaned back again, “i wrote you a song to tell you just what i see from my eyes when i look at you.”

this caused bucky to blush but he stayed silent, encouraging you to begin.

and so you began to pick a simple and soft melody.

i want to write you song

one as beautiful as you are sweet

with just a hint of pain

for the feeling that i get when you are gone

i want to write you song

i wanna lend you my coat

one that’s as soft as your cheek

so when the world gets cold

you will having a hiding place you can go

i wanna lend you my coat

oh, everything i need i get from you

oh, and giving back is all i wanna do

i wanna build you boat

one that’s a strong as you are free

so every time you think

that your heart is gonna sink

you know it won’t

i wanna build you a boat

oh, everything i need i get from you

oh, and giving back is all i wanna do

you began to play a little interlude and bucky took that as his time to speak finally grinning, “i like the part about boats.”

you rolled your eyes. “shut up bucky i’m not finished” causing you to giggle as you began to sing again.

oh, everything i need i get from you

oh, and giving back is all i wanna do

i wanna write you a song

one to make your heart remember me

so anytime i’m gone

you can listen to my voice and sing along

i wanna write you a song

i wanna write you a song

as you finished the end of the song you suddenly felt very vulnerable. but once you looked at bucky all you saw in his eyes was admiration.

“bucky everything i sang then i meant, you truly are the strongest person i know. and i love you more than anything.”

he carefully took the guitar from your hands and placed it gently on the ground. grabbing your waist he pulled you close resting his forehead against yours.

“doll, if anyone is to say the words you just sang it should be me. i have lived in darkness for so long. and anytime i have felt the smallest amount of happiness it’s been taken from me.”

a tear fell down your face. you hadn’t known him that long but you knew he was your soulmate.

“i love you.” you whispered looking at his beautiful blue eyes.

“i definitely love you more,” he responded pulling you into a soft but passionate kiss.

[magicrowiswritingstuff]

"Sorry" - Din Djarin x gender-neutral!reader

Summary: Every night the pain in your soul becomes silent tears in your eyes as you cry yourself to sleep. 

Warning: heavy angst and sadness, that's it I think...

Category: angst, hurt/comfort

Words: about 2.500

Notes: This is part of @din-damn-djarin​’s song prompt writing challenge which I joined super late but at least I finished this fic hella fast. I was just so motivated. I chose Sorry by Nothing But Thieves. As a little extra challenge for myself I tried to incorporate some of the lyrics directly into the story... maybe you can spot them! Note 2: I will beta-read this tomorrow after I had a few hours of sleep so until then please just ignore any mistakes...

_________________________________    

"Sorry" - Din Djarin x gn!reader

After all these months, after all these small touches you couldn't help but imagine a future with him. You couldn't help but envision how everything would play out when you would confess your feelings to him.

After all these months you had finally realized what that fluttering in your stomach was, whenever Din brushed you lightly. The smallest touch was enough to make your heart throb against your ribs so painfully sweet. Heat rose to your cheeks whenever he lightly taped your arm or placed his hand on your shoulder to get your attention. They were only small touches, innocent and fleeting but they meant the world to you. When he soothingly rubbed your back or squeezed your hand you knew he cared. You knew he felt the same even if neither of you had said it out loud.

After all these months you two had grown more comfortable with the presence of each other. So comfortable, in fact, that somehow you ended up cuddled up on the pilot seat in his lap when you were exhausted after a day filled with running and shooting, more often than not. You had no idea why or how it started but you didn't care. You felt safe whenever he would wrap his arms around you and let you press your face between his helmet and neck. When he let you melt into his comforting warmth and forget the terrors of the day. You knew he cared when he held you tight, close to him and his racing heart that was beating just as fast as your own underneath his beskar and your fingertips.

After all these months you knew you loved him with all your heart. And you couldn't help but envision how it would be if he was yours. You couldn't help fantasize about the perfect future with him and the kid.

After all these months you had thought you knew how he felt for you, too. Maybe love had made you blind. Maybe you had just been naive and dumb. Maybe you had slowly lost grip on reality while being held by him, while being so close to him. Because reality came back crashing down on you when you had told him how you felt… and when he had told you how he didn't. 

"I'm sorry. I don't… I can't return your feelings."

_______________

The sudden distance was heartbreaking. You had gotten so used to his touches, his embrace, his warmth that the sudden loss laid heavily on your shoulders. With every step it pulled you further down, further into the spiral of hurt and pain. You couldn't look up at his visor anymore, your eyes always lowered when you where near him. Because even though he had broken your heart you couldn't bring yourself to leave. Even if every day reminded you of the pain, digging it's spikes into your heart, deeper and deeper with every passing day you spend on the Razor Crest, you couldn't bring yourself to leave him and the kid. You loved them both dearly and even when your feelings were unreturned you had a duty to fulfill. You had joined Din to help him with the kid and not to... fall in love. 

But when he sat like that before you on the pilot seat, his armor stripped off and his arm freed from his flight suit so you could stitch up the wound he couldn't reach on his own, you felt the pain even more prominently than ever before. Because this was the first time you saw him. This was the first time you saw the man underneath the armor, the gentle, honest man you knew… you thought he was. 

You couldn't raise your gaze to meet his blank visor anymore, you couldn't stand being close to him anymore. Because every fleeting touch felt like it burned you. Every touch seemed to laugh at you and your stupidity, laugh at how you could have ever thought you had a chance with him. The future you had envisioned had broken down around you and left you and your heart in tiny pieces. And whenever you tried to pick them up and but them back together, every time you tried to move on they just slipped past your trembling fingers. 

At night you laid wide away, staring at the ceiling from your improvised bed with tear filled eyes. Every night your thoughts kept circling around if it had been your fault somehow. At how you could have been so blind. Had you misread the situation so severely? Could you have been really so blind and dumb? Had all these nights in hyperspace spend tightly cuddled up on the pilot seat truly meant nothing to him? Every night the pain in your soul became silent tears in your eyes as you cried yourself to sleep. 

And now you had to pull all your strength together to push those tears back down, to not break down right in front of him. But when the touch of his uncovered skin slowly warmed up your trembling fingers and when you felt the pulsing of his heart in the vessels of his upper arm echo back in your own, it became impossible. Silently one dropped down onto your shaking hands as the rest began to cloud your vision. You quickly finished up his stitches and helped him back into his flight suit before you hurrydly closed the med kit and pressed it against your chest. You turned around to walk out of the cockpit but you had only took a few steps away when he reached out and curled his still gloveless fingers around your wrist, making your body freeze up. A soft whimper escaped your lips as your breath got stuck in your throat. You felt him tug at your arm ever so slightly, begging you to turn around and face him. But you couldn't. If you would turn around now you knew you couldn't hold back the wave of tears and the storm of emotions anymore. You knew you would break right there in front of him. 

"(Y/N)." 

You bit your tongue, trying to hold back the sob as the tears continued to cloud your vision. You pressed your eyes closed and begged yourself to hold it together, to not show him how much he had hurt you. But when you heard him stand up and softly turn you around to face him you knew you had lost the battle. You opened your eyes and looked up at him as the tears finally spilled over, as a broken sob finally tore through your throat, leaving you even more empty then you felt before when your eyes locked onto the void of his visor. You wanted to scream at him, tell him how awfully he had hurt you but all you could do was shakingly stand before him and press the med kit even closer against you, clutching onto it to seek some form of comfort you knew only he could give you. 

Din had been prepared for your rage, for angry words thrown against him but he hadn't been prepared for the heartbreaking sight as you broke down right in front of him. And all he wanted to do was pull you into his arms, wipe your tears away and whisper into your ear but he knew he had missed his chance when he had told you he didn't feel the same… 

"I'm sorry." 

His voice was soft and filled with regret-no, stop. You took a deep breath and forced yourself to remember why you were standing before him, crying your eyes out right in front of him. He had broke your heart. He didn't feel the same. There was no regret. There couldn't be regret in his voice it must have been something else. But then he repeated it. "I'm sorry" over and over again under his breath, his voice shaking. And you knew it was regret that made it shake with emotion. And you knew he meant it. You knew he was being honest. But all that didn't fix it, all that didn't make it any less painful. "Please, stop" you begged and tugged at his hand that was still curled around your wrist. Your voice sounded foreign, so unlike you, almost strangely heavy as you whispered those words. "There is nothing left to say." 

You freed yourself from his grip and took one step back, giving him one last, sad look before you turned around to walk out of the cockpit. Only for him to stop you once more. With his hands on your shoulders he turned you back around. And before you could realize what he was doing he had already pushed the med kit out of your arms and to the floor as he pulled you against him. His arms wrapped around your shoulders and back, they kept you pressed against his chest. He still hadn't put his armor back on so instead of the cold beskar you were used to you were pressed against the warmth of his skin from underneath the flight suit. The warmth you had missed and craved so much. The warmth that now felt like it burned you and it took everything in you not to hiss in pain. When your mind finally caught back on, on what was happening you immediately went completely rigid in his embrace. And when those words left the savity of his helmet once more you pushed against him, clawed against his chest to try and get away. "No!" you cried out loudly. "You don't get to break my heart and hug me later!" Another wave of tears crashed over you and another storm of emotions laced up your throat but you forced yourself to stay at the surface, to not get pulled down by the waves. "You can't do that!" you sobbed, not able to hold the words back anymore. "You can't make me believe you love me and then- I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe you might have really felt the same. I-" "Stop that, you're not stupid" he whispered. You wanted to say more but the firmness in his voice made you close your mouth as you stopped fighting against him. Giving up you let him hold you pressed against his chest. "You're not stupid." As new tears welled up in your eyes you slowly wrapped your arms around him, too. Ignoring that he was the source of your pain, ignoring that he was the one pushing those spikes into your heart deeper and deeper with every passing day. You ignored all that and instead let yourself melt into the warmth and comfort of his embrace you had craved for so long.

"You aren't stupid, you… I- I lied" he continued. "I do feel the same for you."

Your breath hitched in your throat but you kept your head pressed against his chest, too scared to look up and see that maybe everything was just a dream, that everything was just a figment of your imagination and broken beart. Surely you must have imagined his voice, his words. But then he repeated them. 

"I lied." 

"Why?" you asked before you could bite your tongue. "Why did you lie? Why did you do this to me then? Why?" your tears were audible in the way your voice shook and trembled and in the way you clutched at the fabric of his flight suit, seeking halt, seeking answers. Din sighed deeply, you felt his chest rise and lower slowly as you hugged him tighter. "Din, why?" "I-" he began, his voice trembling just as much. His heart was beating so heavily against his ribs you could feel it hammering against your own chest.

"I don't deserve you." 

You wanted to look up, you wanted to meet his visor again but he placed his chin on top of your head, forcing you to stay pressed against him with your head lowered. It felt like he didn't want you to see him right now, like he was afraid of your eyes. As if he was afraid to see agreement in them. "Din-" you began but he interrupted you by him continuing his explanation. "I'm not the man you deserve. You deserve better than me. Someone who's not as broken, not as defective, not… I'm not as good as you think I am." You wrapped your arms tighter around him as he began to shake and then furrowed your brows, somehow feeling angry that he would think that way about himself. "You arent broken and you aren't defective!" you began again, forcing your voice to sound strong and to blink the tears away. "You are a good man, Din." "I hurt you!" he objected and buried his fingers into the fabric of your shirt, seeking halt and comfort just like you. "All I wanted was to protect you from... me. But all I did was hurting you instead." For a few seconds you didn't say anything, your chaotic thoughts racing in your mind in circles again and again. This wasn't what you had expected when he had grabbed your wrist. And you had no idea what you were supposed to do now. You still felt hurt but the anger had vanished. But without the anger the pain just felt more present. And even though he had explained to you why he had done it... it would still hurt for a long while. The fact that he didn't feel like he deserved you, that he didn't deserve happiness was heartbreaking. 

"You did hurt me" you agreed truthfully as you swallowed down another wave of tears, putting on a strong face instead. "And I don't agree with the reason why but… it's okay." You slowly freed yourself from his embrace and took one step back. His arms were still loosely wrapped around you but his visor was lowered, staring at the floor instead of at you. "No, I'm not… it's not-" "Stop" you interrupted him firmly and then softly placed your hands on each side of his helmet, forcing him to look up and at you. When your eyes finally locked onto the blackness of his visor, on his eyes that were hiding underneath, you took a deep breath. "I decide who I deserve" you declared. "It's my decision who I give my heart to." Din nodded slowly in understanding while you collected all your strength for the next words you wanted to say. "You hurt me deeply." Din noticeably flinched at that but didn't speak up or try to move away from you. "But I'm ready to forgive you" you continued honestly. "I still feel the same, I still-" Your voice failed you, your throat hoarse and tired after all the crying but you forced yourself to carry on. "Are you ready to give us a change?" Din didn't hesitate one second, his ungloved hand shooting up to cup your cheek in a soothing manner. "Yes, I'm ready. I want this-" he faltered a bit and hesitantly wiped away the last traces the tears had left on your skin. "I want this if you want me?" "Maker, yes" you whispered breathlessly. You placed one hand on top of his that was still resting on your face, letting yourself really feel his skin for the first time. You felt the roughness of his hand, the little scars that littered the back of it. But all you could think about was how soft and gentle they were when he let his fingers slowly dance over your skin. How delicately he always touched you. But those small touches suddenly didn't feel enough anymore. Gently you curled your fingers around his and tugged lightly at them. 

"I've been waiting so long... I can't be patient anymore" you whispered and let your eyes flutter close before you placed his hand over them. The clutter of his helmet landing on the floor was left unnoticed when you finally felt his lips on yours.

_________________________________ 

Does the ending feel a little rushed? Maybe. Do I care? Nope.

_________________________________

Taglists:

Permanent Simps: @buckysalefty

Din Djarin Simps: @theflightytemptressadventure / @sarahjkl82-blog / @remmysbounty / @undeniableadrenaline / @kassidydjarin / @freeshavocadoooo / @dindaddy-ficrec / @wonderless-screwup / @helena-way07 / @n0ffitar / @24-blackbirds / @thethunderstormsgirl / @mylifeofcalculatedchaos / @mandos-co / @smoldjarin​

[1025cherrystreet]

reasons

harry and y/n exchanging vows on their wedding day

a/n: i was listening to music and feeling real lonely tonight, so i basically just wrote everything i want to hear from someone one day :) i never know how to end stories, soz! hope y'all like it, any feedback is appreciated!!

warnings: none, just fluff <3

The white chairs are filled with their family and friends. Gemma, Michal, and Anne sit on the groom's side while Y/N's parents and brother sit on her side of the aisle in anticipation. They didn't expect to be the people who have big weddings, and it's not even that big, but everyone they know is in attendance. James Corden and his family are in the audience, Louis, Liam, Niall, Zayn, and their dates all sit to watch their friends get married. Smiles adorn everyone's faces as the couple take platform at the front while Jeff (who got ordained just for their wedding!) reads off statements of marriage.

Y/N's best friend Claude is her bridesmaid (or 'bridesman' as his boyfriend, Frankie, liked to call it) and Mitch stands next to Harry as his best man. Everyone in shades of beige and sage green as it's Y/N and Harry's favorite colors.

"Y/N you can start with your vows, now." Jeff smiles at her, gesturing with his head, signaling Claude to take her handwritten promises out of his suit jacket pocket and hand it to the bride.

She mouths a watery, thank you, to Claude before turning back to face her fiancé standing in front of her. Even on her wedding day, she gives a bashful smile to Harry before clearing her throat.

"Harry." She starts nervously, "You are my person. You look at me as if I hung the stars and I can only hope you know I feel as devoted to you as the moon. The way you shined your bright light on my life is something I will never take for granted. You are my every reason. You are my lifelong dream to go to Italy and you are the endless praises I've always craved." Her hands shake in both exhilaration and trepidation.

"You are good books on long evenings... You are flowers in the middle of spring, you're long night car rides with blaring music, and you are the smell of rain on a cool evening in June. You're the cold side of my pillow in the middle of a hot summer night... the feeling of warm sun-kissed skin from showering after a beach trip...and the split second of silence when it's raining as you drive under the overpass on the interstate... You are 'that part' of a good song and the moment it would rain at school and everyone would just stop and stare out the window," She says, stray tears rolling slowly down her face, trying to ignore the way she can feel everyone's eyes on them in that moment.

"You are a pinky promise I hold so deeply... You are laughing so hard to the point of pain and you're rediscovering bagels every five months." Y/N smiles and glances up at him from her paper just quick enough to catch his chuckle as he knuckles the trapped tears in his green eyes. The last line gaining laughs from family and friends in the crowd.

"You are all of my reasons to live, H. Both the big dreams I've had my whole life and the little things I appreciate in my day-to-day. Of all these reasons to live though, most importantly.. you are Harry. My Harry. There's not enough words in the English language to convey my love for you, but I would spend the rest of my life searching for the right ones if that meant I got to spend it with you." She pauses to look her love in the eye, Harry staring right back at her with so much adoration for the girl in front of him.

She looks back down at the papers, tears catching on the edges. "So, with that, I vow to be your person. I vow to be your every reason to live another day and every small encounter that brings you even an ounce of joy. I vow to be your best friend and your indescribable love, if that's what being your person entails. I will be anything you need and everything you want, if it means we could happily grow old together."

"I love you, Harry Styles... and I can't wait to be your wife." Y/N finally lets the tears flow freely from her eyes as she stares up at her soon-to-be husband, Harry raises his hand to gently wipe them from her face with a breathtaking smile on his lips.

Tears of his own fall down, Y/N reciprocating the loving action. The two of them smile at each other for a moment, taking each other in. Harry has never felt more loved in his life, feeling honored to even be that person to someone, let alone his girl. He takes her hand and raises it to his cherry stained lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

"That was beautiful, Y/N," Jeff whispers with a grin and turns to Harry, "Now, Harry you can now read your vows."

Harry drops her hand to retrieve the hand-written pages from his blazer pocket, quickly unfolding it and taking Y/N's hand once again. He glances at her before clearing his own throat and starting.

"Y/N, I want t'start off saying I love you. I love you so much it scares me."

"Y'have no idea what y'mean to me and what all y'have done for me. Y'keep me sane when my life tries t'drive me crazy. Y'make me feel normal when my job gets too much t'handle. You make me feel loved when it feels like everyone is out t'get me and y'make me feel like Harry when the whole world wants me t'be Harry Styles," He says, glancing up from the paper ever so often, his hands shaking in turn.

"I used t'resent being known as Harry Styles. My name became a bad taste in my mouth and sounded like nails on a chalkboard. I felt like Harry Styles always had t'be polite and put together and had no room t'make mistakes. It was exhausting trying t'be perfect all the time, I started t'lose myself... But you. You, Y/N, made me want t'become someone I wasn't ashamed of anymore. Y'showed me what it was like t'feel safe and content, and y'taught me t'never be anythin' but authentic because you said Harry Styles was just as capable at love and acceptance as Harry... You made me fall in love with myself again, and f'that I could never repay you. I love you so much that I can't even explain it, but f'your sake, I'll try, so here goes..." Y/N smiles at him with glassy eyes.

"I love how y'are so kind and loving t'everyone you meet. I love how you're a hugger from the first encounter and how y'always ask people if they are okay twice, just to make sure they know y'really care and will listen if they need it. I love how y'throw spilled salt over your shoulder and believe in the stars as some form of higher power. I love how y'decide to have a dance party two in the morning 'just cause' and sing songs at the top of your lungs f'the world t'hear. I love how y'have 86 spotify playlists because 'you need one for every memory or feeling'. I love when y'show me new music and bring me t'find a new appreciation t'my craft and others'. I love how y'look at the smallest moments in life and cherish them. I love how y'take nothing for granted and live everyday as if it's your last. I love how y'always choose t'view life for its beauty and child-like innocence, than for its deception and cruelty, first."

"I love you...Truly, Madly, Deeply," He chuckles out and Y/N laughs out loud, shaking her head at him playfully. Four loud wooo!'s sound out, the rest of their loved ones laughing at the cheeky reference. "I love everythin' about you and everythin' that has made y'who you are today...I love you, Y/N. My Y/N." He proclaims with a boyish grin.

"So, I vow t'be your husband always. I vow t'be your husband when you're angry at me f'messing up the laundry and when you're crying over not feeling enough f'people. I vow t'be your husband and love you when you get tired of rewatching The Notebook every time we have a movie night. I vow t'be there for you, even if you may not want me anymore-" She scowls and swats his arm for him even thinking that, making their guests let out a good chuckle.

"And, lastly, I vow t'be your best friend and lover 'til the day we die. You are not my Allie, you are so much better. You are my Y/N and I can't wait t'create my own movie with you."

Salty tears flow down their faces as they stare lovestruck at each other, the eyes of their family and friends all fade away and it's only the two of them in that moment. Hands intertwined, lost in each other's gaze, the only thing they comprehend is the, you may now kiss one another, that comes from Jeff's mouth.

'Awes' and coos sound from the crowd, Niall and Louis cheer the loudest, the other boys smiling at the newly-weds. Gemma and Anne are bawling their eyes out, just like Y/N's parents are. But, neither of them notice any of it as Harry wraps an arm around her waist, the other cupping her tear stained cheek and pulling her in to kiss her passionately.

[a-libra-writes]

Belonging - Stannis Baratheon x Wife!Reader

this is 1000% self indulgent and gift to myself after having an awful time LMAO please enjoy. i love this man so much. excuse the terrible title yall know i think of them absolutely last

Summary: Takes place around the time Robert was crowned, when Stannis and the Reader are married for less than a year. Robert’s drunkenness results in some jealousy and misunderstandings (and making up).

There was one thing she had to admit about the Southerners, at least the ones in King’s Landing: They could certainly throw a party.

Lady Y/N couldn’t count how many she’d been to in the past year, or even the past month. It was just another pastime in King’s Landing, as natural to the highborns as drinking wine and wearing silk. If there was no pressing matter for him to attend to, and if he was bored, King Robert would have a feast.

Hells, he’d throw one even if the city gates were on fire, goblet in one hand and his axe in another. And as an honored sister-in-law, Y/N was invited to every gathering. Naturally the invitation was extended to Stannis, but no one expected her husband to actually attend. When they first married he’d gone for her sake, and for the sake of appearances, but that was no longer needed after nearly a year of being together.

Y/N had mixed feelings about that. She didn’t want Stannis to be miserable and on edge the whole evening, because he would be, but she was willing to admit she missed him. Sitting on the dais in her honored seat, it wouldn’t matter who sat at her left, because her attention would be on Stannis, who always sat to her right. At first it was her expected wifely duty to attend with him. To ensure they both looked as a pair, their houses united for the sake of the king… even if the king and his queen were constantly squabbling. That made Y/N and her husband’s united front even more important.

Stannis didn’t like to shout at her above the feast-goers, so he’d lean in, and she’d do the same until their shoulders pressed together. That small contact used to make him tense, but eventually he relaxed into it, just like they both relaxed into the conversation that would pass. Who was drinking too much, who was attending for the first time in years, when the madness would be over and they could go back to their quarters. Talking to Stannis became easy, and eventually they’d just pick up whatever conversation was left off before the feast. It would be nearly midnight, with revelers laughing and dancing and passing out all around them, and Stannis and Y/N would still be talking back and forth on the dais.

They didn’t just do that, though. She could coax him into a dance, taking his thin hand in her’s and pulling him to his feet. During their firsts feasts together, it was all show. Look at the newlyweds: the humorless brother of the king and his wild Northern bride. They were an act, a sideshow, and Y/N was determined to quiet the snickers and smirks. Stannis tolerated two dances, and he was stiff as a board the entire time, but Y/N was graceful. She could smile and silently guide him through, and soon, they blended in with the rest of the crowd. People stopped gawking when it became clear he wouldn’t stumble and she knew the Southern songs.

He still hated it, but when he saw her looking longingly at dancing pairs, Stannis would stare at her hand before carefully moving his fingers over her’s. Y/N’s excited eyes would meet his, and he’d reflexively squeeze her hand, pleased he could bring that light to her face. He would still only do the minimum amount of dances, but now they moved together, and they stood closer. He didn’t need her guidance to know where his feet should go next. And if the crowd was thinning out and paying more attention to their drinks than the music, he could hear her witty remarks about the guests and give his own.

They left early compared to the other revelers, and especially compared to the king. There would still be laughter and voices echoing off the halls as they disappeared into the vastness of the Red Keep. Y/N would take off her shoes and hold onto his arm, her mind spinning from sleepiness and drink, and Stannis would guide her back to their quarters, which always seemed too far away. Often he’d hold her shoes, once he carried her.

Y/N frowned as she recalled all this. There wouldn’t be any of that tonight - she couldn’t talk to Stannis, or dance with him, or lean on his broad shoulders on the way back. Yes, she had her little friends and acquaintances, but that wasn’t the same. She was startled by how much her heart tugged at her, like it wanted to pull her out of her seat and lead her toward the person she was missing.

My friends wanted me to attend, and I made all this effort on my gown and hair. I ought to stay at least another hour. Y/N had been looking forward to the food and music, but as the minutes passed, all the voices and the stuffiness of the hall began to irk her. She’d been to these parties alone before and hadn’t felt this pitiful. I need to get ahold of myself and have some fun, damn it.

At least King Robert and Queen Cersei had long left the dais, off to do their mingling separately. They stayed apart as much as possible, Y/N observed. She slipped off the dais herself, determined to find someone she knew and get herself a dance. She carefully lifted her black gown, letting the back trail gracefully as she crossed into the crowd. It was one of Y/N’s favorite gowns, a beautifully slimming dress made of chiffon that hugged at her waist. The skirt was long and luxurious, fluttering behind her as she made the smallest movements. In the light, the gold thread that was woven through the black fabric shimmered and gave the effect of her body sparkling.

Y/N only needed modest jewelry and a simple belt of black diamonds and gold to accessorize it; she felt her body and the gown were statement enough. When she walked, she allowed herself to indulge in the power her status brought. Being the sister-in-law of a King, few could approach her directly. She could refuse dances, refuse conversation. Lords could leer, but they couldn’t hope to have her direct attention, and they had to keep a respectful distance. It was a far cry from the feasts from when Y/N was a girl freshly flowered, and her father wouldn’t stop parading her around eligible men, like a slab of fresh lamb on a platter. Those humiliating days were over.

She raised her chin and exuded the confidence she felt. An older woman passed her, then stopped and looked twice. Her eyes brightened with shameless delight. “Lady Y/N! What an honor! Please, would you grace my family with a few words? My daughter would so love to speak to you.”

Y/N’s stomach flipped, but her face remained steady. She faintly recalled this woman and her house - an old Kingslander family - but she didn’t need to remember names. She just had to say, “Lead the way, my lady,” And the woman practically giggled as she did so.

From there she was bounced from family to family, dancing here and socializing there. Y/N was good with her words, and a few times she ran into a friend that gave her an escape when the conversation became too much. When that gnawing loneliness would bite at her, Y/N would quickly move to another dance partner. It was funny to feel so lonely in the middle of a feast, but here she was, glancing longingly at the open doorways as if he’d actually walk through them.

Once her feet started aching, Y/N felt the need to call it a night. That gnawing in her chest had turned into a bruise that someone wouldn’t stop touching. The pinching shoes were just making it worse. She sat down on a bench to lift her skirt slightly and look at the damage - no blisters yet, but that could change. Y/N glanced around, wondering what time it was. Her first thought was: Is he still awake?

She could just picture Stannis hunched over his desk, muttering irritably over a collection of papers. Or maybe she’d catch him in a calmer mood, reading a book by the hearth or getting ready for bed.

I need to control myself. I doubt he thinks of me as much.

That wasn’t a pleasant thought, so she set it aside. Y/N stood, wincing as the pain shot from her feet to her calves. She’d throw the shoes out as soon as she was back.

Y/N passed a boisterous circle of people on her way to the door, and she knew who caused it. King Robert was sitting on top of a table, loudly singing war songs with the old lords and their sons who had fought for him. Y/N glanced back a moment, watching them with amusement. The King was completely drunk, there was no question of that, but he was full of mirth and life. His blue eyes sparkled as he tipped his drink to a lord that hit a high note, then someone made a jap and everyone laughed again.

He reminded her of one of her brothers, one who was always laughing and didn’t take anything seriously. Y/N understood why men followed the king into battle, and why they liked him now. She understood why others misliked him. Personally, she was unsure if laughter, drink and song were the right recipe for a king.

When she turned away and nearly stepped over the threshold into the dark hall, she heard him. It was impossible not to hear that booming voice. “Y/N! Where are you going, sister? Have you always been here?”

Oh, hells. Y/N turned around and put a smile on her face. It’s not that she had no particular bad feelings toward Robert, he was just so much, and she was tired. He reeked of wine when he approached her, as expected, just as she expected his wild black hair and more practical clothes. Even when he was full of wine, his strength and height were imposing compared to Y/N. She understood how he could kill Rhaegar Targaryen.

“You seem to be having a lovely night, your grace,” Y/N said, planning words for escape. “Everyone is enjoying the feast as much as you are, that is plain to see. It’s all a bit too much for me.”

The smile he returned was also expected. Drunk men were not difficult to flatter. “Glad you made it, Y/N. You know Stannis never wants to bother. Surprised he didn’t keep you from it.”

“Well, he doesn’t dictate what I can or can’t do.”

To Y/N’s confusion, Robert found the comment hilarious and almost spilled his wine as he laughed. “Damned right. My brother always thinks he has the right to order others around.”

She flushed in embarrassment. Y/N hadn’t meant it like that. Rather, she and Stannis were independent. He wasn’t controlling like some husbands could be, and treated her like her own person, besides. Robert drained the last of his wine and tossed the goblet carelessly. It hit a table and rolled off the side.

“We should dance, Y/N. There’s damn good musicians tonight.”

“... If you wish, your grace. I could manage one.”

Damn it all. It was just the thing she wanted to avoid. Y/N hoped he wouldn’t rope her into half a dozen dances; ideally, he’d get bored or nauseous after a while... Or better, a busty serving girl would pass and his attention would be completely taken away.

“You ought to call me Robert!” He insisted as they settled into position. Robert towered over Y/N even more, but he held her loosely in his large hands. “All these damned titles. I think some men already forgot my name.”

“It’s a matter of respect - and they could never forget their king.” Y/N said, but he probably wasn’t listening. Several nobles and courtiers were watching them, and it made her embarrassment all the worse. She tried to keep up with his long steps, and Robert held her closer as he avoided a stumble. She prayed they were all too drunk to remember this, or notice who she was.

At least he was able to avoid crashing into other dancing pairs. The King looked down at Y/N with a puzzled expression. “Where is Stannis, anyway?”

Where do you think he is? Y/N thought, but said, “Attending to his work, I presume.”

“What work? What in the seven hells could he be doing, leaving you here?”

“I’m attending on my own, your grace.” Y/N said patiently. “I’ve hardly been ‘left’. Stannis prefers quiet to crowds, as you know.”

“Don’t I know it. He’s always been strange.” Robert grunted. He was lost in thought for a moment, or perhaps he had a spot of dizziness from the drink. Again, he looked down at her, but Y/N was perplexed by what he could find interesting. She wished the song was over already. This silence was uncomfortable.

Suddenly, Robert said with a laugh, “Imagine, if Stannis got stuck with that lioness instead. Her curse of a father would never allow it, but - ha! I’d like to see who’d win. Can’t sharpen her claws on stone.”

Y/N had no idea how to respond to that. Was he referring to Stannis marrying Cersei? What did that have to do with anything? “Your grace, I …”

“Would’ve been better if it was you and me, hm?”

Robert’s large hand slipped dangerously low on her waist, and the way he so casually slid his fingers down her side made Y/N’s blood turn to ice. He held her closer still, grinning like there was some secret between the two of them. The iciness spread to her gut and squeezed it hard.

Y/N hastily glanced around, wondering if anyone noticed - for a fleeting second, if anyone would save her. Her heels squeezed her feet as they danced, the aching returning with a vengeance. Robert had her in an iron grip, and he kept stroking her hip.

“He isn’t any good, I bet,” Robert mumbled, the drink beginning to affect him now. They swayed a little, and he leaned down, pressing his cheek against the top of her head. “Bet he doesn’t know what to do with a pretty thing like you.”

Y/N gritted her teeth. “Your grace. The song is over.”

It wasn’t, but she tried to pull away. Robert blinked, swaying with her sudden movement. He righted the two of them. “There’s still plenty of night left, Y/N. I’ll get us a better drink, this Dornish swill doesn’t sit with me.”

Let go! Her head screamed. The discomfort and sickness in her stomach reached a peak, and she all put pushed at his muscular body. Y/N stumbled back, her heels pinching her hard. “E-Excuse me, your grace,” She hurried through an excuse without looking at him. “I feel ill. I should rest.”

She didn’t bother to listen to Rober’s response. Y/N turned on her heel and skittered away, not caring about the looks she received as she darted through the crowd to the hallway. Away from the feast, the Keep’s red stone halls were cold and soothing. She picked a doorway and took herself as far as her biting heels would allow. It wasn’t until she reached a dead end that Y/N took in a deep breath of air and slid down to her knees. She heard seams pop in her dress from the swift movement.

She took in another breath, slowly released it, then took in another. The ice in her veins had turned to bile in her stomach. She oriented herself and staggered her way to the private apartments meant for the family of the king.

The door opened suddenly. The only evidence of Stannis’ surprise was how sharply his eyes glanced up. He was in the same place she left him, doing the same thing - sifting through a storm of paperwork on a desk. She hurried to the bedchambers.

She flopped on the bed, feeling her hairnet coming loose and hearing several more seams popping. The dress was too damned tight. She sucked in a breath and began unlacing it, grateful a handmaiden didn’t wait up for her. They were kind, but they hovered, and she didn’t want to be around anyone right now. Y/N’s head began to pound, and she tried to concentrate on undoing the dress without tearing any more of it.

There was a knock at the door, and she flinched, then sighed. Of course he’d knock. “Come in.”

Stannis never seemed entirely comfortable coming in when she dressed, even if it was his bedroom too. He averted his eyes as Y/N worked her dress off. “You’ve returned early.”

Y/N cleared her voice to make sure it was steady, and blinked her eyes a few times to keep the stinging at bay. “Is it early? I was already so tired.”

They had silence before, but this felt oppressing. Y/N tried to ignore it. She gave up on removing the dress; her braids and hairpins were a chore to remove, so they’d be a welcome distraction. Maybe he’d go back to his work, and she could go to bed and just pretend this night didn’t --

In a few steps, Stannis crossed the room and knelt before her. Y/N’s hair fell to her shoulders as she pulled the last pin, but her hand stayed suspended as she looked at him questioningly. Even in the candlelight, she saw a blush tinging his cheeks. He avoided her gaze and unlaced her heels, carefully holding her ankle as he pulled them off.

Carefully. Gently. She was instantly reminded of harsh hands gripping her, and the feeling of ice running up her limbs returned. Before Y/N could say anything, Stannis quickly stood and put her shoes away.

Y/N curled her legs up to her chest and tucked her feet under her skirts. “Thank you.”

“You have blisters.” Stannis said. “Should I get an ointment?”

“No,” Y/N murmured. She peeked at her toes and saw how red they were. She could feel the throbbing on her heels and ankles, too.

“You should have them made anew, or just toss them. This happened before.”

“Did it?” Y/N tried to remember the last time she wore the shoes. She faintly recalled that’s when Stannis carried her up the stairs to their apartment. Did she really wear these shoes back then? Maybe she kept them so he’d carry her again.

Stannis returned to her side, kneeling down again. He was so tall, they were still eye-to-eye. Not only did the candlelight make his blush more obvious, it made his blue eyes look nearly black. A pair of unfocused, lust-filled blue eyes flashed across her vision, and she squeezed one of the cold hairpins in her hand to focus. It was like night and day.

“You didn’t …” Stannis started to say, breaking Y/N out of her unpleasant memory. “You usually … say goodnight.”

Y/N felt her chest tighten, but not in an unpleasant way. True, she usually walked to his desk to kiss him hello, and then a goodnight once she was dressed down and ready for bed. She’d urge him into bed, since he was clearly exhausted … and she may or may not have had certain ulterior motives.

“I’m sorry, Stannis. I’m rather tired.” Y/N said. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, and their noses brushed as she pulled away. Stannis closed his eyes, as if taking in her warmth and smell. A terrible thought occurred, if he could smell the alcohol and sweat and somehow, Robert.

Stannis frowned slightly. “Does your head trouble you?”

I bet he isn’t any good.

“Yes,” Y/N said quickly. “I … I don’t feel well.”

He doesn’t know what to do with a pretty thing like you.

She felt warm hands on her cheeks, then on her forehead. Stannis’ brow was furrowing in that way he always did, but instead of trying to solve ledgers and paperwork, he was puzzling over … her. Y/N’s cheeks warmed under that serious gaze, and she self-consciously looked away.

“I’ll fetch some water.” Stannis said, finally breaking the silence. It was clear he had more to say, but as always, his tongue ended up tied around her. By the time Stannis returned, Y/N was in her nightgown and nestled in bed. She hadn’t bothered to brush her hair out, or wash her face, which was so unlike her. With a frown, he set the water down and tucked her in. Perhaps she would feel better in the morning - and she’d wake to a good breakfast and a drawn bath.

Y/N felt just as disoriented and ugly waking up as she did falling asleep. She’d slept in far later than she had before, and opted to stay in the bedroom to nurse her hangover and lingering negative emotions. The handmaidens doted on her, spurred by Stannis’ concern - when she finally did wake, there was ointment, a hot bath and a large breakfast waiting for her.

When she next saw him, Y/N pretended she was better. It was easy to do that when her kisses and thankfulness were genuine. That made Stannis believe she really was better, that it was only a hangover, exhausting evening and bad shoes.

In time, Y/N could press that unpleasant night to the back of her mind. She could have never told Stannis because it would only cause trouble, and besides, what could he do? Robert was king. Nothing really happened. If she said anything, her friends would roll their eyes, insist it wasn’t that bad, or be openly jealous at having the attention of the king. She would pretend it was fine, and forget.

The rest of the courtiers wouldn’t do the same, however. There were whispers that grew into words. There were those who wanted gossip, those who had ill intent to begin with, those who were bored and wanted something new to gasp at. They all helped the words and rumors spread, and Y/N blocked them all out, taking refuge in her royal apartments. She never expected they’d reach Stannis; Usually he ignored the asinine gossip that spread around the Red Keep - the only thing that spread faster was the lover’s pox, he said. He never believed any of it, never even entertained listening to it.

Until he figured out what the handmaidens, knights, servants and lords and lords’ wives were tittering about. It was all the same thing.

For once, the young Baratheon didn’t think. He could barely see, let alone reason, with all the rage flowing through him. Anyone who saw him storm down the hall couldn’t deny he was a Baratheon. The anger in his blue eyes was like a summer hurricane.

He put all of his strength into throwing open the heavy doors to Robert’s private visiting chambers. All three of its occupants - Robert, Jon Arryn and Ser Jaime - startled from the abrupt noise. Jaime, who was normally quick to his sword, faltered when he saw who was the source of that noise.

Robert had already set down his drink. He wasn’t startled enough to drop it, but he did carelessly spill on the polished wood table. Robert anticipated something mundane wound up his little brother - taxes not adding up, maybe he forgot a meeting with a lord, something stupid like that. “Seven hells, Stannis, what’s got you fired up --”

“Keep your godsdamned hands to yourself, or I’ll cut them off!”

Robert nearly choked on his tongue, and Lord Arryn almost joined him. The old man was normally so quick to settle his former ward’s temper, but he hadn’t ever seen the same kind of wrath in Stannis. His mind was rushing for words to calm the man, but Jaime responded with action. The kingsguard stepped forward, his hand on his sword. “Is that a threat to your king, Lord Stannis?”

“What did it bloody sound like? Do I need to repeat myself?” Stannis’ teeth gritted. He didn’t even glance at Jaime.

Now it was Robert’s turn to flare his temper. “What the seven hell’s wrong with you, Stannis? Do you know who you’re talking to?”

Lord Arryn stepped between Robert, who was now standing, and his brother. The only other thing between them was a long mahogany table, now looking as small and pitiful as driftwood. “Your Grace, Lord Stannis - please take a moment and compose yourselves. Ser Jaime, there’s no need for --”

“You’ll show respect to your older brother, and your king!”

“I won’t give anything to a drunken lecher that would interfere with my wife!”

Robert jumped to his feet, and for a second, Jaime was sure he’d throw the table. It wouldn’t be difficult for the giant of a man. At the same time, Stannis reached for his waist, and Robert reached for his shoulder… and in an instant they both realized they weren’t armed, and thank the gods for that. Jaime didn’t doubt the servants would be scrubbing Stannis’ guts off the floor for days.

“Enough!” Lord Arryn bellowed. Slight as he was, he could have a commanding voice. “This is madness! What is your grievance toward His Grace, Lord Stannis? Has something happened?”

“He would know.” Stannis said. “At the last feast -- you disrespected Y/N, and her honor. You treated her like one of your whores.”

Robert’s face flushed red, and it was Jaime’s guess if that was from anger, embarrassment or the wine he was drinking earlier. Jaime had heard such rumors himself, and more scandalous ones, but he didn’t put stock in them. Plenty worse was said about himself. His green eyes went to the old man - based off Lord Arryn’s grave expression, he might have heard more. He might know the truth. Jaime felt a sudden surge of anger toward the king, not the first time he’d felt this. Cersei will have far worse to say to him when she hears about this

“I didn’t go that far,” Robert tried to regain his voice and authority. “Damn you, Stannis, I wouldn’t lay a hand on her! I can't even remember the blasted feast ... I woke up half-sick in my room.”

His strong tone began to falter as Robert tried to replay the night in his mind. It was clear he couldn't - as usual, wine had muddled his memories. No one in the room expected Stannis to take that as a valid excuse. "You did interfere, you just don't remember. You're always drinking too much, whoring too much --"

"I'm king and I'll do as I damn well please!" Robert said defensively. "There's no bloody law saying a king can't drink or touch a woman!"

"If the next one you touch is Y/N, I'll take care of you myself.”

Threats often lost their effect if you repeated them, but the words had a new menace with Stannis’ expression attached to them. His eyes could have been glaciers, and a chill settled upon the room as the three men remembered this is the man who often cut the hands of thieves and gelded rapists. He outlasted the Tyrell siege, and cut the fingers of the smuggler who helped him survive it. It was not that Stannis was a butcher, but he was fierce in what he thought was just, and he had the unyielding drive to see it done.

Lord Arryn was the first to break the cold spell that set upon them. He stepped forward, putting a hand gingerly on Stannis’ shoulder. The younger man didn’t flinch, but he didn’t look, either. Lord Arryn said with a low voice, “Let us speak outside, Lord Stannis. Please.”

The brothers stared each other down, and for the first time since knowing the King, Jaime watched him falter. His great shoulders sagged just slightly, and his eyebrows knit together. Robert wanted to say something, but finding the words was the problem. Jaime didn’t understand why until he finally spoke.

“Stannis, I… ... I don’t remember a thing, I swear it. I wouldn’t have done anything to your Y/N.”

The Kingslayer blinked. He’d never heard regret in Robert’s voice, and he wouldn’t hear it for some time. Lord Arryn was not surprised, only relieved.

Stannis was the implacable one. This didn’t satisfy him, not in the slightest. The oldest Baratheon had always done as he pleased, regardless of the consequences. He expected others to nod their heads and follow along, if they weren’t already encouraging him. So many did that, blind to the consequences Robert was dragging them into. This was just another slight he paid to his own brother, but Stannis felt this one especially hard. Of all the women in the Red Keep, Robert had to disrespect his -

No, it wasn’t right to refer to Y/N that way. She was not property, Stannis would never refer to her as that, nor should anyone. He was thinking of the other sense of the word, the other way to belong to someone. That way was far more binding than any marriage, and as illogical and senseless as it was, Stannis wanted it. This latest stint of Robert’s drunken foolishness made him realize if Y/N wanted anyone, she could have them. She was beautiful of course, but she had that wit, that intellect, that capacity to understand others and help them understand her. In the months they’d been married, he’d found himself relaxing in her presence, then being comforted by it, then actively wanting it. Desiring it.

Stannis bristled at the intrusive thoughts, but they were the truth. He hadn’t the slightest idea what she thought of him, if she was only performing and giving him the support expected of a wife, if she’d do this with any husband she’d been arranged to marry. He never had the nerve to ask. He couldn’t ask, fearing the answer.

Suddenly, he felt the old man’s hand squeeze his shoulder, and Stannis finally looked at Lord Arryn’s steady face. Calm as it was, his eyes were entreating Stannis to say something, or better, to leave it all behind. He realized he’d been silent for some time. They wanted him to forget all about it, like he should forget about Storm’s End and Dragonstone. Stannis grit his teeth, ignoring the shot of pain that went up his jaw. There was nothing he could say that would get through to his stubborn aurochs of an older brother.

“Just stay away from her,” He managed to say, his voice bouncing off the mostly empty chambers. He didn’t bother to say any more, or close the double doors as he left.

On any other day, Stannis made a point to walk carefully through the Red Keep. Unpopular as he was, his presence and reputation was still important to the throne. He and Robert were young, and usurpers, besides. They had to be careful. These Kingslanders were a nest of serpents, and there was no telling which was a viper and which was a garden snake.

But he couldn’t control the way his shoes echoed off the stone walls, or how he outright glared at any guard to get out of his way. He was still too thin, but there was no mistaking the anger in that tall body. He was taller than most of them, and he could appear as fierce as Robert when his temper finally rose.

Y/N. He had to see her, he had to talk to her. Gods, he should have as soon as he heard those disgusting rumors, but all he could think of was her and Robert, laughing, drinking, his arms around her - no, Stannis wouldn’t go there. Just the faintest imaginings hurt him more than he thought possible. He caught himself before he entered their shared apartment. He didn’t want to frighten Y/N by barging in, and he ought to collect himself. It wasn’t right to act like this in front of her.

Stannis took a deep breath and tried to unclench his jaw, like she always told him, but it was already aching. He rubbed at it absently and stepped inside, trying to steady his pounding heart.

It didn’t work. Y/N was sitting right there, relaxing on cushions at the large bay window. 

He’d noticed she liked sitting there, so he had several cushions brought in to make it more comfortable. Her long linen dress was spread across them, and he could clearly see the outline of her curled up legs. One of the straps of the dress was drooping off her shoulder. When Y/N looked up from her book, she adjusted the strap. She smiled at him, looking better than she had that night. “Are you already finished with the small council?”

Stannis just thought she was tired that evening, or she had drunk too much. Knowing the truth, the guilt hit him at once. Why hadn’t she said anything? What did she think he would do, or wouldn’t do? Did she not trust him?

Before any more intrusive thoughts could surface and hurt him even further, he blurted, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Y/N’s smile froze. “What are you talking about?” She asked.

“Robert. He interfered with you that night. You never told me.”

Stannis hadn’t meant it as an accusation, but as usual, he misspoke. Y/N’s face filled with anxiety, then fear. The book fell from her hands and slid to her lap.

“I-I … I wasn’t trying to hide anything, I just - he was drunk, so I thought it was best to forget…”

No, this wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want to frighten her like this. Stannis hated that expression on Y/N, one he’d never seen before, and one he caused. He crossed the room in a few steps, and his heart broke further when she leaned back.

“I talked to Robert,” He said, trying to explain, but that didn’t help. He may have made things worse. Damn it all, why couldn’t he talk to Y/N properly? Why did his chest have to seize and his senses have to leave? “I told him if he touches you again, I’ll remove his hands.”

“You didn’t!”

Stannis took her wrists and carefully, gently, trying to express something he couldn’t articulate. It was months of confusing thoughts and even more confusing feelings, and he was ruining it. What if she never smiled at him, or touched him again? What if she stayed afraid and wary?

“He’ll never touch you again, I swear it. I should have been there to protect you, and I wasn’t. I … I should have been with you, as a husband. I failed that.”

He moved his hands to her own, and as badly as he wanted to entwine their fingers, he didn’t think he deserved it. He always gave everything he had, he always put duty first, but it was only fitting he’d fail this one. He hadn’t the slightest idea how to handle women, how to talk to them or approach them, although Y/N was something else entirely. He was poor with people, he knew that, but this was his wife, and there was no excuse -

“Oh, Stannis,” Y/N said softly, that voice breaking him from his thoughts entirely. He looked at her painted lips, then her eyes, which had lost that fear. “Is that what you think?”

He wasn’t sure what she meant. “It’s the truth.”

“No, it isn’t. You didn’t fail anything.” Y/N wove their fingers together, squeezing his hands, and he thought his heart jumped into his throat from just that gesture. “You don’t control Robert. No one does. It’s just like him to do something like that, isn’t it?”

“But, I should have protected you -”

“By dueling him in front of everyone? Creating a scene at a feast?” Y/N asked, and before he could give a blunt answer she added, “He’s the king, Stannis, and we both know his… appetites. If it wasn’t me, it would’ve been some other girl, and … and it wasn’t so terrible as they all say…”

Stannis grit his teeth, tightening his grip on Y/N’s hands. “He shouldn’t, it’s unbecoming of a king, and besides that, it was still too much. Even a lecherous word is too much. You’re my -”

Mine.

“- my wife, and a lady of the Baratheon house.”

Y/N’s strap had fallen again, and her expressions still troubled, but he would take that over fear. Stannis reached out and fixed it, his fingers brushing across her warm skin. Y/N also reached out, but she pressed her thumb between his furrowed eyebrows. Stannis flinched back.

“Don’t wear that face,” She said softly. “I’ll be alright. I need time, and I’ll forget.”

“I won’t forget.”

“I know.” Y/N’s hand cradled his face, the same thumb stroking his cheek. Stannis releasing a hard breath. Just a simple touch and meeting her gaze was enough to bring the nerves back. He hated it, but he wouldn’t pull away, not even when Y/N kissed him. It was slow, and when she parted she said, “I know you would have protected me.”

He couldn’t meet her eyes anymore. Stannis glanced away. He noticed the strap had fallen again. “Y-You should have that fitted,” He said, fixing the offending thing. "It's too loose."

"Is it truly bothering you?”

"Yes."

Y/N giggled a little, and that was enough. He didn’t know how to make her laugh, so he was pleased when he did it by accident. She wiggled her shoulders so both straps slipped off, and with them, a little of her dress slipped down. “This fixes it, I think.”

Like she anticipated, Stannis' ears went red. He probably just realized that from his kneeling position, he was near eye level with her breasts. Pointedly trying to avoid looking was just making him more obvious.

Y/N squeezed his fingers and tugged Stannis forward. After a moment's hesitation, he shifted his position and sat on the cushions beside her. She wouldn't let go of his hand, so he leaned in, resting his head on her bare shoulder. Her skin was warm from sitting beside the window, and there was the distinct perfume she always wore. He could only smell it when he was this close, and it was oddly exciting, like a secret that only he knew. He listened to her faint pulse, how it matched with his breath as he rested on her shoulder. It reminded him of when they were intimate, when their chests were pressed together and their hearts beats were two separate sounds, trying to beat in tandem. She'd hold his hand then, like she did now.

That biting thought he had just minutes ago, that feeling of failure and confusion, was beginning to fade. It was difficult to feel like he'd done wrong when Y/N's fingers were trailing down his back. His tunic kept him from feeling them against his bare skin, but he knew that would change shortly. The anticipation of that spurred him on, pushing aside the last nagging anxieties.

While he kissed her neck, she sighed and curved her body against him, making him realize how cramped the bay window seat was. Y/N pulled on him again, and he followed her instruction. They ended up pressed against each other on the floor, lost in kisses and embraces. Y/N had lifted her leg up and let her dress fall down, and damned if his immediate reaction wasn’t stroking her bare thigh and squeezing it.

Y/N’s lips parted and she whined against him. “Stannis - wait, I meant to … I want to tell you something.”

“Hm?” He stopped his hand from trailing up any further. He felt like he had a fever, but fevers were never this pleasant.

“Did you - did you hear the talk about… Some of them were saying that I’m unhappy with you. That you bore me, or ignore me, or some such like that.”

Stannis frowned. He’d heard such things even before this mess, and didn’t understand why she brought it up. Y/N’s soft hands slid up his now wrinkled tunic and she gave him several light kisses as she continued, “I don’t ever want you to take those words to heart. You make me very happy, more than I ever thought I would be. I swear it, by your gods and mine.”

Her eyes were dazzling then, the sun from the window reflecting from them, and something else making them shine like stars. It was tears, he realized, though they didn’t fall to her cheeks. Stannis would’ve believed her without the swear, he’d believe her if she said even a fraction of those words, if those eyes shone even a little duller. She wrapped her arms around him, bringing their bodies even closer together, and gave him several breathless kisses.

The aching inside him was so strong, it was dizzying. When they parted from a longer kiss, Y/N asked, “Are you well?”

“No,” He said instantly, because he could swear he was having a heart attack. His chest was squeezing together like a giant was stepping on it, but it wasn’t … painful. “No, I am - I am well. And I am happy - with you, Y/N.” His words came out short, his mouth trying to keep up with the thoughts racing across his mind.

That seemed inadequate, but she smiled all the same. For the hundredth time he wondered if Y/N could read his thoughts. She leaned in for a kiss, and yelped in surprise as he swept her into his arms and stood up.

“Stannis! What are you -?”

“I’m not taking you on the bloody floor,” He muttered. The room had plush rugs and wood in lieu of rough stone and rushes, but it was still a floor, as far as he was concerned. “You deserve more than that. ...I want to give you more than that.”

“Oh?” Y/N grinned. She nuzzled his neck and kissed it, which only tightened his grip. “Show me how much you’ll give.”

She anticipated the flinch when she grasped his shoulders, and the quivering when she ran her hands down his bare back. When her arms wrapped across his torso and she pressed her cheek against his back, she could hear his heart thumping, like a dog's happy tail hitting the floor.

Y/N grinned at that, and softly giggled when Stannis tried to worm away. She understood it was nothing against her; he was antsy about too much affection, and she was certain the past hour was far beyond his limit.

One last kiss, then. She pressed her lips against the nap of his neck. "Are you needing something, my husband?"

"Tunic," Stannis mumbled. His pants were already on, but Y/N was shamelessly making the rest of the dressing difficult. His tall legs were swung over the bed, but Y/N was still clinging on, and he could feel every inch of her warm, naked embrace.

"Ah, yes, how forgetful of me." Y/N reached behind her, fetched the tunic from the mangle of sheets, and handed it to him. She promptly went back to her hug from behind.

Stannis grunted. "Y/N."

She was teasing too much, she knew. "Would you like some help? Those fasteners can be so tricky."

She just had to smile at the eye roll he gave her. It was times like this when Stannis acted his age: a young man in his twenties, with the dark circles under his eyes almost unnoticeable, and some flushed color on his skin. She hoped he was eating and sleeping better these days.

Y/N freed her prisoner and quietly watched him dress. Maybe another kind of man would stay in bed with her and laze the day away, but Stannis was not that sort, and she knew that. Personally, she wanted to stay in their apartments and avoid more social obligations. Her mind wandered to the rumors that surrounded them, that ugly reality breaking into this idyllic late afternoon.

At some point, Stannis had finished and was standing beside the bed. Y/N smiled and pulled on his hand, bringing him closer. Stannis only mildly resisted and asked again, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm well," Y/N replied. She entwined her fingers in his and kissed his palm. “Very well.”

Stannis flushed all over again. He hesitated, then leaned in and kissed his wife’s brow in return. “Whenever that isn’t the case, I want you to tell me.”

Looking down on her from that angle, with her hair splayed around her shoulders, the light from the window warming her skin and highlighting every curve. His throat felt dry, but he was pleased to hear her say, “I will.”

Stannis only nodded, but lingered like something was anchoring him. It was an uncomfortable ache that hit suddenly, even if he was ready to leave just minutes ago. He made it to the doorway, but glanced back. Y/N stood from the bed and swept one of her thin robes around her body. He could still see the outline of her legs and curves as she tied it tight. She glanced over her shoulder, strands of her hair falling from her shoulder to her back.

“You’re staring.” She teased. “Didn’t you have important work to do?”

There was always work to do, always some sort of duty to attend to. This was a duty in itself, keeping his wife happy and ensuring she was respected. He’d make sure those foul rumors were dispelled, one way or another. Still, it was strange for “duty” to be this … pleasant. This warm and safe. Stannis crossed the room to give her one last goodbye - a squeeze of the hand, and a promise to return - and he left.

[official-weasley]

The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley: Pt. 6, Ch. 10

PART 6: THE YEAR WHEN EVERYTHING FALLS INTO PLACE Chapter 10 - This is How I Feel

Charlie

It felt like someone stopped time. I was watching her come down the stairs and to say that I was awestruck was an understatement. Since Andre did such a great job fixing my robes I prepared myself to act as normal as possible as I could imagine he made a nice dress for her. I was not, however, prepared for what I was seeing.

Ever since I started falling for Nova and I knew it wasn't just a crush, I found her so beautiful that words can't even describe. She looked even more gorgeous today and there was something about her; she looked as if she was shining.

“Wow, you look...” I couldn't hide the expression on my face. I was stunned and at this point, I didn't even care if it shows how much I like her. If I questioned my decision to tell her tonight, I knew I have to do it now. I simply have to be with her. “Gorgeous...pretty...ravishing...” Tonks shook me out of my fantasy. “Just some suggestions for you, Dragon Boy!” She winked at me and let Barnaby take her inside. Nova chuckled and my stomach turned. “Penny, you look divine!” Andre kissed her on the lips and Nova couldn't help but grin when she saw her blush. Jae and Tulip were already making out behind us. I was so focused on Nova that I didn't even see them say hi to each other. Apparently, Jae liked to show physically how good Tulip looks to him tonight. I smiled and shook my head. I offered Nova my hand, trying hard to keep it steady as my whole body was shaking and she locked our arms. “I can say, without a doubt, that you are going to be the most beautiful girl in the room.” I smiled at her. I knew it was the first time she saw me smile like that as I was suppressing it before not to be too obvious I liked her. I could see I left her speechless and I was confident that at this point, she knew I liked her more than a friend.

Nova

I smiled at Charlie, hearing those words. I knew he thought every single one of them through. I was trying to act as normal as possible but I wasn't sure how long I would be able to keep this up. He looked so good! I can't believe how much he grew from the boy that I call my best friend into a young, attractive, and very charismatic man and if he doesn't say anything to me tonight, I will. I knew I would regret it otherwise.

We went inside and joined our friends at the table. Tulip and Jae were still making out outside and at this point, I wasn't even sure they were going to attend the Ball. Dumbledore made us all sit and he started to speak.

“Welcome, to this year's Spring Ball. Although supervised, you don't have a curfew tonight as we want you to have fun and unwind. This is the time to enjoy with your friends and perhaps admit any hidden feelings you might have.” Charlie and I exchanged looks. It took every muscle in my body not to stand up and take him out and tell him how I feel. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it would jump out of my chest onto the table in front of me.

“Eat. Drink. Dance. And most importantly, have fun and forget your worries.” Dumbledore smiled softly like every time he ended a speech and sat back down. Food appeared on our plates and I started to eat even though my stomach was full of butterflies.

Soft music was playing in the background making it hard not to stare at Charlie and not forget the food on my plate. After dinner, Dumbledore rose again.

“Might I steal your attention just one more time as I am proud to present your entertainer for tonight...” The intro to Do The Hippogriff by The Weird Sisters started to play and they suddenly appeared in the middle of the stage positioned in the back of the Hall.

Tonks stood up at once and I have never seen her fangirling so much. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up so quickly that I got dizzy. She took Penny's hand and without even looking at Charlie I was dancing with them in the crowd in front of the stage.

We have never had anything like this and it was nice to be so relaxed and not worry about our every move.

“This...is...so...much...fun!” Penny was shouting but I could barely hear her. I just nodded and laughed. I couldn't believe how comfortable these heels were. Andre was a miracle worker.

“I'll be right back!” Tonks yelled a little too much in my ear and made me wince. She made her way through the crowd and right before the song ended she brought Tulip back who was already jumping and singing.

“Boys later, girls now!” Penny winked at Tulip, whose lipstick was barely visible and I was sure it was more on Jae's lips than hers.

“Good evening, young witches and wizards!!!” The singer of The Weird Sisters shouted in his microphone. “Are you ready for more?!” The crowd roared and somebody put a hand on my waist. I turned around and stiffened as I saw Charlie smile down on me.

“What, you thought you girls can have all the fun?” He grinned and started dancing as The Weird Sisters played another song.

At first, I thought that Barnaby would be freaked out by how into dancing Tonks was but apparently he was just as big a fan of the Sisters as she was. They were rocking the dance floor! Tulip and Jae were locked together again and jumping in the air. I decided to just let go and enjoy my time with Charlie.

I had no idea he had such a good sense of rhythm. I tried to stay focused on him because every time I looked at Penny she kept winking at me.

—

“Now, everybody...” After the fourth song, the singer spoke again. I was glad as I was so out of breath that I felt like I need to sit down. “We are going to take a five-minute break and then we'll be back with something...slower.” He said the last word sluggishly and I was sure that a girl in the front row fainted.

“You want to grab something to drink?” I turned to Charlie. His eyes were full of emotions and that smile of his was something entirely different from what I was used to. I just nodded and was hoping he would mistake my red cheeks for me being hot from dancing.

He gently took my hand and we made our way to the table with drinks.

“What would you like?” He asked. His voice was so soft.

“Butterbeer is fine.” I smiled and realized we were still holding hands. He took two Butterbeers and we stepped a bit aside to give space to other students.

“Charlie...” This was the first time I was looking for words while speaking to him. We always had so much to talk about but I didn't want to talk about anything else than us. “You look very handsome tonight.” I smiled, shyly. I remembered I was so overwhelmed by his words before that I completely forgot to pay him a compliment. Even though saying he was handsome was an understatement. I couldn't believe I was so blind before.

“Thank you. You'll have to thank Andre for that.” He grinned.

“Made the robes for you like for us?” I couldn't stop smiling at him.

“Oh, you don't want to know! I trusted my mum to buy me the robes and you don't want to know what I got.” He chuckled. “This was green.” He pointed at his coat. “This had more lace on it than your dress.” I laughed. “The trousers were bright red.” He laughed with me.

“Then Andre is a lifesaver.” I couldn't even imagine those colors together. I love Molly but what was she thinking!

“Thank you, Nova!” Andre and Penny appeared beside us. He tapped Charlie on the back. “You would not look at him as you do if he was wearing what his mum sent him.” Charlie turned pink in the face and I looked at Penny who was looking down at something, beaming. I followed her gaze and realized that Charlie and I were still holding hands.

I let go of his hand. Not because I wanted to but because I was afraid Penny was going to say something. I wanted to talk to Charlie in private, not with Penny planning our wedding in front of us.

“Now...” The Weird Sisters interrupted my staring contest with her. “I would like to invite all the lovely couples out there to test their dancing skills with a slow song.” The lights dimmed down and pink fog appeared on the dance floor. Magic Works started playing.

“I'm sorry to interrupt your staring contest Penny, but may I steal her away from you?” Charlie put out a hand to me and I could see Penny shaking when she nodded to him, excitedly.

He led me to the dance floor and as the Sisters sang:

'This is your final chance, to hold, the one you love, you know you've waited long enough.'

I placed my head on Charlie's chest, my hands around his waist, and closed my eyes. We were barely moving but I knew he didn't mind. He was resting his head on top of mine, his hands around my waist.

Penny

“Care for a dance, sweetheart?” I could barely hear Andre. I gently turned my head to him and saw his inviting hand.

“I love you, but would you mind if we sit down?” I said. Andre looked in the direction of my gaze and smiled. I knew he understood how much this moment meant to me and the girls. I followed him to our table. I couldn't take my eyes off Nova and Charlie. It was finally happening!

After all this time, after all they've been through. After Charlie being heartbroken and Nova having two crushes at once and all the fights and drama, they were finally ready to be together. Tonks sat down next to me and blew her nose.

“Is this how it feels like...to be a proud parent?” She sobbed, looking at them.

“I can't believe they needed a Ball to bring them together.” Tulip sat on my other side.

“And how handsome is Charlie! Incredible job, mate!” Tonks said to Andre.

“I like what he's done with his hair.” Said Tulip who looked like she will burst into tears any second now.

I was so focused on them as a whole that I didn't even notice that Charlie let his hair loose. He rarely had it outside a ponytail this year even though it was the smallest ponytail imaginable and his hair was everywhere anyway because it was so curly. Now it just stood perfectly and made him more attractive.

“Took them long enough.” Tonks finally stopped sobbing.

“You reckon Charlie will tell her or she will tell him?” Tulip was ready to bet.

“Do they even need to talk to each other?” Jae asked confused. He was right, they were embraced, slowly moving back and forth to a love song, their eyes closed.

“I can't wait for her to tell us everything tomorrow!” I beamed.

“I just hope Charlie can stay.” Tulip said suddenly and as Tonks and I exchanged a worried look, we snapped out of their fairytale.

“He has to.” I whispered. “They are meant for each other.” I looked at Andre. We got up and joined Charlie and Nova on the dance floor.

Charlie

It was hard not to focus on the lyrics, which now more than ever seemed as if the song was written for us.

‘And make, your final move, mmm, don't be scared, she wants you to. It's hard, you must be brave, don't let this moment slip the way.’

At this point, I didn't even care if she could feel how fast my heart was beating. I gently pulled away from her and she looked at me. The way she smiled made me want to kiss her there and then and I knew this was my chance.

“Nova...” I whispered.

“Hmm.” She hummed to indicate she was listening, focusing her eyes on mine.

“I have to tell you something.” I tried keeping my voice steady. “Would you mind going outside with me?”

“Of course.” She said softly.

I took her hand, locked our fingers, and took her out of the Hall.

Tulip and Jae made it back on the same spot as they began in front of the Great Hall. We went through the front door and wanted to go through the Main Courtyard when Nova stopped me.

I turned around to see what was happening and her mouth was wide open. I followed her gaze and saw Barnaby and Tonks sitting on a bench about to kiss.

“No way!” I chuckled.

“I'm a matchmaker!” Nova beamed. I knew that she told Barnaby to ask Tonks to the Ball after she turned him down.

“You were taking me somewhere?” She turned to me, giving me her full attention.

“Can you walk to the Lake in those heels?” I let out a small chuckle.

“I'll manage just fine.” She rose our hands and twirled around waking the butterflies in my stomach for the 100th time this night.

We stopped by the tree, which was our favorite place to spend time with each other. She leaned on it and bit her lip. Was she trying to kill me? I reached in my inner pocket and handed her the letter I got in the morning.

“This came today.” She looked at me hopefully and opened it at once.

“Does this mean, you're staying?” I knew she was trying to hide her excitement but couldn't and I didn't blame her. I was just as happy as she was about it.

“Yes.” I whispered. “It also means I have to tell you something else.” She finally took her eyes off the letter and locked them with mine. They were sparkling.

“Nova, I...” I suddenly forgot how to speak. I forgot the speech I prepared in my head, her eyes were just so beautiful and what I was feeling was better than someone slipping me the Amortentia potion.

“I know we're best friends and you know our friendship means the world to me but...” Her smile grew larger. She knew exactly where I was going with this and it made the words easier to come out. “I have feelings for you that want me to be more than friends with you and I simply have to tell you because I can't hold them in anymore.”

“Finally one of us gathered the courage to say something.” She whispered, her voice shaking and her eyes were beaming. I put one of my hands on her waist, making her lean more to the tree, and placed my other hand on her neck.

I pressed my lips on hers. They were so soft. I could taste the Butterbeer on her. Our lips parted and as our tongues met I got a tingling feeling in my stomach. I have been longing for this moment. Dreaming about it. Thinking about it and I couldn't believe it was finally happening. I pulled away gently. “Well, that felt...” Nova smiled, opened her eyes, and looked at me. If it could, my heart would start beating even faster, the way she was looking at me. She really liked me back! “Natural.” I smiled back and brushed her lips with my finger. “I guess we had it coming for years.” She chuckled and this time she kissed me. “Since Third Year, actually.” I said when we stopped kissing. “Third Y...Charlie, you had a crush on me for so long?” I could see her eyes turning sad as she was probably wondering why this moment didn't come sooner.

“Back then it was a crush...” I chuckled and pressed my lips on hers again. I will never get enough of them. “Now I'm really falling for you, Nova.” I brushed the lock of hair off her face and she closed her eyes. I could feel her trembling. “When did you start to fancy me?” I lifted her chin so she would look at me. It was cute how shy she was now around me. “I think I first felt it that day we made up in the Forbidden Forest.” She grinned. “But I think I liked you before that and now I regret not facing my feelings sooner.” She put her hand around my neck and started kissing me again. “Don't regret it. I know you felt something that day.” I brushed my finger over her cheek. “Then why didn't you say anything?” Her face puzzled. “I wasn't sure if you were completely over Murphy and I wanted you to sort your feelings out first before we start anything.” I explained. “I am not going to lie I needed quite some time to figure everything out.” She giggled and my heart skipped a beat. “And the girls and Bill had to help me.”

“Bill?” I didn't know how he could help from Egypt. “I didn't know who I wanted to go to the Ball with and then Bill and Penny finally made me realize that it was you all along.” She gave me a gentle kiss. “I didn't want to admit it to myself because you are my best friend and I didn't want to do anything to ruin our friendship again after what I've put you through last year.” She bowed her head. “Hey,” I brought her eyes back to mine, “I was struggling with the same thing. We didn't have that fight just because I missed you as a friend. My feelings were hurt because I had a crush on you and you fancied someone else.” I gave out a faint smile. I didn't like to remind myself of last year. We both said some things we didn't mean. “None of that is important now.” She pulled me back on her lips. “We might've needed time but we are together now.” She lowered her arms, found my hands, and locked our fingers. Her touch made my body go numb but in a good way. “And I promise you, Charles Weasley, I am sure in my feelings now and I only have them for you.” I put my hands on her waist and pressed her tightly against me and kissed her again. The kiss was tender but with so much hidden passion. We stood by that tree, embraced, for what seemed like hours but we didn't care. We were both processing the fact that we are finally together. No more confusing feelings, no more fights, no secrets. It was just us and it was perfect. “It's getting late.” I whispered even though I didn't mind if we just stay like that the whole night. “Mhm.” I could feel her face move into a smile on my chest. She now had my coat because she didn't bring her jacket and I have to say that Andre probably wouldn't approve of the style combination. “Listen, I know this isn't important at all but how are you going to tell the girls about us?” She lifted her head off my chest and looked at me. I swear if my heart will skip a beat every time she does, it won't have that much time to beat at all.

“I was thinking not to tell them yet.” She said softly. “Don't get me wrong, I don't want to hide us, it's just you should've seen them in the Room of Requirement, they were worse than my mum!” We both laughed. Her mum was teasing her with me since the end of First Year and now, 5 years later we're finally here. “What I felt when you kissed me and how it feels to be with you is so natural. Like it was always meant to be and I know they will make a big deal out of it and probably throw a party in the Great Hall.” I laughed, she was probably right. “And they will ask so many questions and I just want to enjoy my time with you.” She sneaked in a quick kiss before continuing. “We have both waited for this for so long and I don't want every moment to be teasing and clapping and someone making a kissy face at us.” She started to make the face we liked to tease Penny and Tulip with these days. “That sounds like our friends, yes.” I chuckled. “However, to be fair, we are doing the same to them and I bet Penny and Tulip went through an interrogation at the sleepover.” I chortled. “True but Penny has been dating Andre for 3 months before telling us and Tulip and Jae have been together for more than half a year before saying anything.” She did have a point there. “I wouldn't mind sneaking around some.” I smiled at her. “And since we were always somewhat affectionate in public it's not going to be so difficult to hide.” I made her giggle. “You really wouldn't mind?” She lifted her hands to my face and gently brushed her fingers over my cheeks. I trembled. “I asked you because I wanted to say the same thing. I just want you. Without any commotion or questions or anything and besides even though our families would approve of our relationship I don't want to get a letter from mum because Percy or the twins might see us and send a message home.” The thought of them finding out that way seemed unfair and I wanted us to get used to each other being a couple instead of just best friends before telling them.

“Right. I completely forgot that you have little Weasley spies all over Hogwarts.” We laughed together. “Ok, then we hide until we're ready to tell.” She pressed her lips so strongly to mine that I had to grip my stand not to stumble back. “So where are we going to meet?” She asked. “What, to snog?” The biggest smile painted my face. She nodded and couldn't help but get a bit shy. She was so cute. “Well, we can go to the Forest.” I suggested. “Even though I would love to take you on a real first date.” Her grip on my hands tightened and I knew she would love that. “We can give the Room of Requirement a try.” She said after a few seconds of thinking. “Then let's say tomorrow at 7?” I kissed her forehead. “It's a date, Weasley!” She put her hands around my neck and I pulled her waist closer to mine and our lips were one again. Perhaps the Ball can wait a little bit longer.

[detectivecarlosreyes]

Would you Rescue Me?

Ao3 | 1.7k | Rated: Mature | Song-fic: Rescue Me by OneRepublic  References Buck Begins; callback to ep Merry Ex Mas with Maddie’s flashback about Doug and the christmas tree trigger warning: Referenced domestic violence/abuse

Summary What if when Maddie decided to leave Doug, instead of in the show when she just showed up at his apartment without any warning, she calls Buck and asks if she can come to him in hopes that he can be her escape even after not speaking for 3 years.

We don't talk much, not anymore Broken bottles and slammin' doors But we still care about each other Say we care about each other I know life took us far away But I still dream 'bout the good old days When we took care of each other We were livin' for each other

When she’s alone, Maddie stares at the postcards wondering what could have been. When things are at their worst with Doug she looks at the first one Buck ever sent, the one from Georgia. The one where he said that he mostly forgave her for not coming with him and leaving Hershey and Doug for good.

She felt awful leaving him that note that day, doing the exact thing that he said that she should do for Doug. Hated herself for it. Hated that Doug had such a tight hold on her life. Deep down she knows that Evan had forgiven her, because why else would he continue to send postcards if he didn’t. So, she clung to those written words of forgiveness because they were the only hope, the only beacon of freedom that she could see.

The number of times she picked up the phone and dialled in his number over the years, just wanting to hear his voice. Hoping that he would hear the things that she didn’t or couldn’t say. But she didn’t, not wanting to drag Buck back home, to a place he didn’t want to be, into the mess of her life.

She wished she had told him that day he came to her after crashing his bike asking to come live with her, told him what was really going on. Wished she had been braver, wished she said more in that note. Wished she had listened to him when he said he didn’t like Doug back when he was just her boyfriend. Maybe then she wouldn’t be in the position that is she’s in now.

Maddie hates how much distance was between them now, that she couldn’t take her own advice and run. It had been three years since he left to find himself in the world. Three years since they saw each other’s faces. Three years since they had spoken to each other.

And now it’s Christmas and all she wants is him as she patches up her latest set of wounds in the bathroom. Disinfecting and covering the broken skin while staring at that first postcard and the most recent one from his fire station, imagining the person he has become.

It’s only after she heard the quiet click of the front door and the ignition of the car engine does she venture from the safety of the bathroom, postcards clutched in hand.

Feeling a moment of bravery, she searches out her phone, a cheap prepaid one that Doug didn’t know about that was bought with cash. Maddie dials the number that she has so many times before and hits the call button for the first time in as many years.

It rings and rings; so long that she wonders if he would ever pick up.

And then he does.

“Hello, Buck speaking.”

And she resists the urge to hang up there and then.

“Hello?”

“Evan,” it’s all that she’s able to utter.

“Maddie? Is that you?”

Maddie could feel the tears forming, blurring her vision over just hearing his voice again.

“Yeah Buck, it's me.” She hated how small her voice sounded.

“Are you okay? You sound strange.”  Just hearing the concern in his voice, causes the tears to spill and she could feel her voice thicken with emotion.

“Remember when you said that I should just leave a note and work out the rest when I don’t come home?” Maddie says as she wipes away the tears trailing down and stinging the cuts on her cheek.

“Yeah, I remember.”

“I think- I think I’m going to leave that note now.”

Closing her eyes, Maddie grimaces as her stomach clenches at the thought of upsetting Doug further, of what he would do if she did, but Maddie knew that deep down that she couldn’t take it anymore. She was at the end of her tether and all she can do is hope that Buck will there to catch her when she lets go of it.

Maybe it was the tremble in her voice that he could hear or the fact that Buck could just hear what she wasn’t saying, because Buck’s response had a sense of urgency to it now and she couldn’t help but love him more in that moment, “Did you want me to come to you? I can- I can book a flight right now and be there in like 8 hours.”

“No. No, you don’t need to do that. I- um, I’ll come to you? See how bright that LA sunshine is?”

“Okay. Let me know how you’re getting here, and I’ll meet you. I’ll meet you wherever you need me to.”

The knot in her stomach loosened slightly in relief and with a hitched breath, all Maddie could think of saying was, “Thank you.”

“Of course, Maddie. I love you, stay safe.”

Maddie bided her time, waiting until the next morning when Doug left early to go to work. And then she left. Dragging two suitcases that held everything that was important to her behind her. She left behind anything that could be traced by Doug, withdrew what cash she could and made her way to LA.

She was exhausted by the time she got there, anxious, and constantly looking over her shoulder the whole time half expecting to see Doug’s calmly furious face trailing her. When she saw Buck waiting for her, she all but collapsed into the comfort of his arms, cocooned by his warmth.

It felt like a millennium since she last saw him, and yet it didn’t feel like any time had passed at all. He still felt like the Evan she knew, more filled out and sturdy, but her brother, nonetheless. Eventually pulling back out of the embrace, she surveys him properly and doesn’t see that lost kid anymore but a young man who looks like he finally found his place in the world.

“Welcome to LA Maddie.” He says with an easy grin, but it did nothing to mask the worry in his eyes as he catalogues the visible injuries.

They talk about everything and nothing, avoiding the elephant in the room as they get reacquainted on the drive to his apartment. His girlfriend’s place. The most serious relationship that he’s ever talked about before, and it makes her so proud to hear it.

Eventually, they do run out of things to talk about, sitting on the couch with stomachs full of a dinner he cooked, a bottle of wine shared between them. It's then that the atmosphere of the room becomes sombre, with Buck unable to ignore the reason that she was here with him, injuries on display.

Buck’s hand travels to her face and stops under her ear, cupping her jawline as his thumb gently runs along the fine cuts on her cheek, not unlike the way Doug did not even a day ago and it makes her heart race, frozen for a moment by that familiar action alone.

Remembering that it was Evan and not Doug sitting next to her, Maddie puts her hand over his and pulls it from her face not wanting to compare them in that way, even if there was a vastly different feel to the action. It's only then could she look him in the eye.

His face has always been an open book to her, full of life and expression and this time was no different. She could see the sadness clear as day and it broke her heart to know that she was the cause of it.  

“I’m sorry.”

Maddie shakes her head and places a forgiving hand on his knee, “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known how bad it was.”

“But I knew something was wrong, I knew it back when I was a kid. I should have stayed and tried harder to get you away from him.”

“I didn’t want you to know. Didn’t want to bring my little brother into this.”

“I know you didn’t, but I still wish I did more,” he insisted.

There was only so much that she could say without the conversation going around in circles with her attempting to make him see that there was nothing to forgive. So, instead, Maddie just nods and squeezes his knee in appreciation to which he smiles a soft sad smile in response.

Buck drops his hand over hers and takes her hand in his, inspecting the small cuts on her palm from when she crawled on the broken ornaments, his face turning serious.

“Maddie…  Would Doug have any idea that you’d come to LA to see me?”

“No, he doesn’t know that you live here—”

“That’s good.”

She continues “—But I’m not going to stay long though; he could figure it out if he tried hard enough.”

His gaze softens when he turns his attention back to her and looks her in the eyes with an earnest expression. “Stay with me. You’re safe here, with me, safer than if you go off by yourself. Just… let me be the one to look out for you for a change, okay?”

It’s not until he says the words, does she feel it, believes it to be true. The first time in a long time that she actually felt safe. Maybe this is the fresh start that she needed, maybe everything will be okay. Now that she has her brother by her side again, everything seems possible. She’s not sure what she would have done if she didn’t have her little brother to turn to with the knowledge that there would be no judgement from him, unlike their parents.

With her face streaked with tears of relief and gratitude, she sticks her pinkie finger out to her brother and says in her way of agreement, “You and me against the world.”

With the smallest of smirks at the phrase, Buck curls his little finger around hers, “You and me in the world.”

Would you rescue me? Would you get my back? Would you take my call when I start to crack? Would you rescue me? Uh Would you rescue me? Would you rescue me when I'm by myself? When I need your love, if I need your help Would you rescue me? Uh Would you rescue me?

[toomanyfandoms02]

Sing For Me // Spencer Reid x Reader

Blurb request for @stinkyelf and @criminalcow ! This one was FUNNNN TO MAKE.

Summary - Reader convinces Spencer to go to a bar with her and jealousy ensues. We have Protective! Spencer.

Word count - 1.5k (ahaha, suppose to be a blurb OOPS)

Prompts - "Touch her again and I'll break your wrist." -- "But I wanna hear you sing!" -- "Wait a second, were you jealous?"

"No, Y/n, please. You know it's not my kind of thing." Spencer dramatically threw his head back as I tugged his sleeve.

"Please?! Everyone wants to go home and I wanna drink! You're not gonna let me go to the bar all by myself? In the pretty dress that I have in my car?" He glared at me a bit, rolling his eyes.

"Are you really convincing me to go with you so no man harasses you?"

"That's exactly what I'm doing. Please?" I furrowed my eyebrows, sticking my lip out and giving him sad eyes. The full puppy dog look.

"Fine! Alright."

"Yay! Thank you Spencey." I skipped towards the exit.

"Please don't call me that." He whined quietly, trailing behind me.

I hopped into the driver's seat, starting it up as he took the passengers. He slid the seat back significantly farther than it's original placement, which practically had his knees up to him in the fetal position.

"Off we go!" I cheered, pulling out of my parking spot.

-

"Beamers?" Spencer's eyes squinted at the neon sign that hung above the wooden doors.

"It's a good bar." My shoulders shrugged. "Okay, turn around." I gestured my finger in a circle. "I'm changing into a dress in my car." He snickered, shaking his head and turning around.

"You know you look fine right?" His arms were crossed against his chest.

"I know. But I don't look bar ready." I unbuttoned the last button on my blouse, letting it fall from my shoulders. The black flowy dress slipped over me and I climbed from the car. "I'm decent." I chuckled. He turned to see me shimmying my tight skirt out from under the dress and throwing it in the back window. His face flushed a bit with the smallest smirk. "What?"

"Nothing." Spencer pushed his hair from his face and turned on his heel towards the bar.

"No no!" My hand grasped the hem of his sweater vest. "You are not wearing the in there. Take it off."

"Come on." He groaned, quickly pulling it over his head and throwing it at my face. "Better?" Spencer now sported a button down with a tie, dress pants and black converse. I reached up and loosened his tie a bit.

"Much better."

The bar smelled of people and Alchohol, to be expected. Spencer's nose scrunched noticeably.

"Let's get us a drink!" Grabbing the cuff of his shirt, I dragged him to the bar. Ignoring his noises of protest the whole way.

"You know someone has to drive right?" The side eye he was giving me told me that he was calling me irresponsible.

"We aren't gonna get drunk, don't worry, just have fun." I slipped the bartender a note.

*Give this stressed ass man the strongest you can give him.*

I was just gonna get *Spencer* drunk.

-

Spencer was about 3 *strong* drinks in, wobbling a bit on the stool he had set himself in not too long ago. His eyelids drooped as he watched people on the small stage doing karaoke.

"You should get up there and do something." I nudged his side lightly, I felt as if a small breeze could knock him from his sitting position.

"Absolutely not!" He half slurred, looking at me like I was crazy.

"But I wanna hear you sing!" The only fluids I had drank at this bar was 2 glasses of water, and I was crystal clear.

I was gonna get that man on the stage.

Maybe it would just take *one* more shot, so I ordered another.

"Y/n, you don't understand." He clumsily pointed his finger at me. "I cannot sing, and I will not sing."

"Well, fine. If you won't sing, you just drink one last shot." I slid the drink towards him. He downed it without hesitation.

-

It takes exactly 4 drinks to get Spencer to sing.

I had convinced him mere moments ago to go up on stage and sing. It still took a few minutes to get him there, but after 4 minutes of bickering, he agreed to do it.

I watched as he leaned to the karaoke machine operator. He must have said some weird ass song because the operator gave him quite the strange look. That's when I heard the music start.

Put Your Head On My Shoulder.

Of course the man would choose a song that come out in 1959, there's no surprise there. The real surprise was his voice.

I had pretty low expectations for 2 reasons.

1. Spencer just didn't seem like the singing type.

2. He was kind of plastered right now.

But as soon as he began I was in a trance. I could not keep the smile off of my face. He started the second verse, coming closer to the edge of the stage, then pointing to me.

"Put your lips next to mine, dear!" He belted, keeping his eyes on me. My eyes shot open wide with raised eyebrows.

*Is this actually happening right now?*

It was quite the scene to watch, and be a part of. The song was nearing the end, just as he was saying the last line, a man wrapped his arm around my waist. I was looking at Spencer long enough before the strange man to see he had an angry look smeared onto his features.

"Do you need something?" I inquired, attempting to peel his arm from my hips.

"Is that your boyfriend up there? Or do you make goo goo eyes at everyone like that." I glared into his ice blue eyes, proving him wrong. "I would love for you to look at me like that baby." His grip around my hip tightened.

"Can you fuck off?" I pushed at him but he was relentless. But that didn't matter as he was jerked away from me.

"Touch her again, and I'll break your wrist." Spencer was looking a lot more sober than he was before. I could see the fire burning behind his eyes, I hadn't seen him so angry before.

"What are you gonna do about it twig?" It was no doubt that the harassing man was larger then Spencer, and I wasn't about to let him get hurt. I grabbed the mans arm, swinging him around and slapping him in the face, then quickly bringing my shin to his privates. He collapsed onto the ground with a small cry.

My hand intertwined with Spencer's to drag him from the bar and to my car.

He sat down with a huff and a cross of his arms in the passengers seat.

"What a fucking douchebag!" Spencer flailed his arms wildly. I hadn't heard him speak so fouly before.

"It's okay, I'm alright."

"He shouldn't have touched you at all! Don't any men have decency? I hated seeing his arm around you. I've never gone from so drunk to so sober before." He sunk into my leather seats, looking grumpier.

"Wait a second, were you jealous?" His head whipped my way, not saying anything. His mouth opened and closed but nothing came out, he looked like a fish out of water.

"Maybe." I didn't think it was *possible* for him to sink even further into the seat. But he did.

"Is that why you sang that song?" I leaned closer to him.

"I don't know why I did that." He grumbled, placing his palms over his face. "It was a bad decision. A pretty bad way to confess that you like someone, when your drunk." His head shook back and forth under his hands.

"I thought it was romantic." My shoulders shrugged. "And you have an amazing voice, where did that come from?" He stared at me incredulously.

"You thought it was romantic?"

"Well yeah. Did you *not* see how I was looking at you on that stage? If that guy wouldn't have started dumb shit I probably would have kissed you right when you came down the stairs." I chuckled nervously.

"Can you kiss me now?" He looked pained in the face, clearly afraid I would reject him.

"This is sober you talking right? Not drunk incoherent you?"

"Totally sober and coherent. I've wanted to kiss you while coherant many times." He looked away, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "That sounded-"

I rolled my eyes and grabbed his tie, turning him towards me and smashing our lips together. He reciprocated immediately, pushing himself over the center console as much as he could. We pulled apart and set our foreheads against eachother.

"Put your lips next to mine, dear." He sang.

"Hold me in your arms, baby." I sang back, grabbing the back of his neck and kissing his nose. "Aren't you glad you came to the bar now?"

"I wouldn't have missed it anyway, especially with you."

[bitchiha]

hii can you write some detailed nsfw headcanons for kakashi or just write a smut fic i love your writings so i wanted to ask if u could do it or not!

Is it wrong to pick up strange girls at a bar? (Kakashi x Reader)

A/N: you asked and you shall receive! The setting is based of A Little Death — the Neighbourhood. Just cause I liked the idea and I wanted to go with it, here’s a link to the song. The reader is basically a Kakegurui character but make it sexual intercourse <3 Kakashi wasn’t originally supposed to be a sub but I wanted to write sub naruto boys at some point so here it is.

Summary: Kakashi meets a mysterious stranger at a bar and things escalate quickly and he takes her back to his motel. After all, is it wrong to pick up strange girls at a bar?

Warnings: drinking, NSFW, sub!Kakashi, dom!reader, harsh degradation (male recieving) so i re wrote this five million times and I can’t torture myself with doing another edit of it so let’s say it’s edited half assedly

In the shitty little town you lived in the only exciting thing it had to offer was the bar.

It was a town used as a resting stop for travellers. People stopped for the night to recharge before continuing on their way to their actual destination in the morning. Many interesting people came in and out, but all the boring ones stayed put. There was no excitement in your family, in your friends, in your neighbourhood… the only time you ever felt even a lick of the feeling was when you were in that bar.

Not a lot of locals drank there, to them the idea of a public drinking place was disgusting and avoided it like the plague, even going as far as to try and ban the joint. To their disappointment, the bar was the main attraction to the travellers, making it difficult to shut down. The frequent travellers insistance to keep it open was solid proof for your thesis; it was the only good thing about this place.

You were one of the few locals that didn’t avoid the bar. How could you when the only exciting people you met were from that joint? Like that woman obsessed with being a bride, or the Taijutsu master in the green stretch suit, or that boy who declared to you that true art was an explosion!

Those were the kind of people you met there, the kind of people you wanted to be with. The only ones who could make you feel like you were breathing, feel like you were human — if that was even possible anymore. God, it felt like every day you spent in this town you lost a little more of your sense of self...

You’re sat there now. In the dim light of the bar on one of the cracked vinyl stools, toying with your empty glass. The bar tender would shoot you a look in a few minutes grunting to “either buy another drink or get out,” but if you were being honest, you didn’t have that much cash on you right now and you hadn’t intended to buy another glass. You see, you had planned to leave earlier with someone new you’d meet at the bar, but no one had yet to ignite that bubbling excitement within you.

You were beginning to get impatient, there was an undeniable need growing in you and it was clawing at your insides, begging you to give it a release. But Monday’s were always slow and you were starting to realize that you may have to wait a little longer than you could bare-

The door to the bar opened and your heart lurched with that desperate craving upon the sight of the man walking through the doorway. Just when you were about to lose hope, you were given your wish. Your body instantly perked up, drinking in that cool manner that he walked with; like he new he was something special, in whatever aspect that may be. He wasn’t flaunting it, no— rather he was just conscious of the fact. Confident.

He had unruly silver hair and the same green vest plastered to his body that the Taijutsu master you met did. He also had a headband on his forehead concealing one of his tired eyes. Upon further inspection you declared that the insignia was the symbol of the Leaf — so he was a shinobi then... He sat down a few chairs away from you.

Quietly, you counted four vinyl coated barriers between you and to your dismay, he had yet to notice you. Instead, he slumped against the table and mumbled an order to the bar tender. You turned your head to look at him again, your fingers tapping against your empty glass. Oh boy, just looking at him made your entire body thrum with that feeling, that exhilarating eagerness pumping through your veins… excitement.

You felt that familiar intoxicating passion swimming through your body a hundred times stronger than you’ve ever experienced before. There was that familiar bitter feeling between your legs and you clenched your thighs together. He was handsome — anyone could agree on that and you just couldn't wait to toy with him. 

Shifting like a curious cat on your barstool, you studied the stranger further. Your movement finally stirred his attention and he turned his head ever so slightly, looking at you for the first time that night. His expression echoed your own curiosity mildly before the bartender slid him his drink, ice clanking in the cup.

You were never one to be shy around strangers, that’s something everyone in the town disliked you for, among other things... But you didn’t think about that as you slid a seat over, giving him a cat-like grin. You chose him for your entertainment tonight, wanting to toy with his cocky attitude until you could swat him around with your paws like a ball of yarn. Like you did with all the ones before him.

“So you’re a Leaf Shinobi, huh?” You asked, taking advantage of his attention, watching him stir his drink. You perched your elbow on the table and balanced your chin on your palm.

“Yeah,” the silver haired ninja smirked a little at your interest, “why so curious?”

You shrugged, “You said it yourself, this bars the only exciting thing in this town. A girls gotta find some kind of amusement, don’t ya think?”

“So I’m amusing to you?”

“Mhm,” you chirped, glad he was entertaining you— albeit a little disinterestedly, but you could work with it... “now go on, what’s it like?”

He was silent for a second. Contemplating before dodging your question, coming off a little distant. “How ‘bout I buy you a drink?” He slid a seat over.

You took his suggestion with a grin, brushing off how he ignored your previous sentence, “Oh! What a gentleman!” You beamed before turning to the bartender, “a vodka and sprite.”

The bartender sighed defeatedly, unable to kick you out of the bar now that the stranger offered you a drink. You were always too damn chatty. The silver haired man snickered at your choice of drink, causing you to gasp at him in mock offense, making him crack the smallest smile.

“What are you laughing at?” You scoffed playfully, once again sliding a chair over. Your arm gliding against the sleek wood table as you did so. Taking your seat, the bartender counted a single chaired gap between his two customers.

“And what are you drinking?” Your voice teasing as your fingers wrapped around his cup and before he had the chance to process your actions you brought the liquid to your lips, tasting its contents and wincing dramatically, “God. Who let you drink that?” You sent an accusing glance at the bartender, who was working on your own drink.

He heard the accusation and lifted a finger with half hearted annoyance, “You’re dangling on my last nerve, y/n.”

So that was your name. Y/n. Kakashi decided he could have some fun real good fun with you tonight. From what you’ve told him, you’re a local in this town, but by the way you dressed he could tell you weren’t like the other people in this place. Wearing that tiny jean skirt and that little top, you were definitely just twenty-one, or maybe twenty-two and certainly not as conservative as the other villagers.

He let himself wonder, as his fingers soaked into the condensation of his glass, how any of them let you out in an outfit like that. Perched a barstool with your leg crossed lazily over the other you looked more dangerous than any enemy he had encountered today.

Before he knew what he was doing, his body was moving him to close the single chaired gap between you two. Sitting on the cracked vinyl, sliding his drink over with him, he simply shrugged at your question and deflected it with a new one.

“And who let you out in that little skirt?”

The two of you maneuvered through the damp halls to whatever room number was engraved on the rusty key Kakashi held (you finally learning his name after some prying.) He slurred something stupid to you as you stumbled along and tilted your head to laugh.

After some drunken fumbling, your beloved stranger managed to unlock the door, pulling you inside in the process. The room was as clean as expected for a cheap room in a shitty motel, but you didn’t bother studying it. You’ve been here countless times before.

You found yourself being pushed up against the door, as Kakashi reached for his headband, pulling it off as you worked at pulling his mask down, your painted nails grazing his skin. Once you tugged the fabric down and his headband clattered to the floor, you marvelled at the sight of his face in its proper glory, burying your hands in his hair as you did so. It was even more alluring in its barest form and there was another wave of excitement surging through your body.

Licking your lips you leaned forward, hands tangling in his hair to connect your mouths for the first time. Teeth grazed against teeth and tongues clashed against tongues in what seemed to be an equally matched fight for power. It was a breath stealing, desperate kiss that lasted for what felt like hours, but could have only been a minute. The kiss had been so invasive that there were sleek strings of saliva connecting your lips, but neither of you moved to wipe them away.

Instead you leaned your head against the wall, his face barely a hair from yours as you both panted. Then in a matter of seconds you were on eachother again, this time the man took to taking your clothes off. Slipping your top off as you began to climb out of your shoes, him doing the same. Leaving you in a bra and your skirt, he started grabbing at your thighs, hoisting them up as he began to move you to the bed. What an eager boy.

When he felt his knees hit the beginning of the mattress, he let his grip on you go, causing your body to fall back. Your arms still around his neck taking him down with you, your back falling onto the mattress as he towered ontop of you. He removed his lips from yours as he began to trail kisses up to your earlobe, tugging at it firmly before licking right up the shell of it.

“How many people have you done this with?” he spoke into your ear, it was a question he was dying to know. Was he gonna be the first? Maybe the second? He liked that idea, liked the prospect of using an all too curious girl for his own pleasure—

“Lots of ‘em, too many to count... but dont take it personally.” What.

He scoffed surprised at your statement, lots? How much is lots? Kakashi felt his ego take a little hit, was he just another person you used for your own desire... He had used many people for his own sake, but he had never had the tables turn on him, until now of course. “The hell is that supposed to mean?” The sound echoed through the shell of your ear and you giggled at the feeling and his voice came out more hurt then upset, which pissed him off even more. Oh how adorable, was the big, strong shinobi’s ego getting hurt?

“Well, You like excitement dont you?” You waited for him to nod an annoyed yes, “Good boy, so we’re on the same track here... Do you know what that’s like to live with a bunch of fucking prudes?” This time you didn’t want for a response, “None of them would even step foot in that bar. Not people like you though and when I saw you I could just feel it... the good fuck could get out of you. I’m gonna have so much fun, we’re gonna have so much fun.” He gave you a surprised look, your mask was slipping and your true colours were shining through and his reaction only egged you on to continue. Did he really think this was some sort of spur of the moment act, that coming here with him was spontaneous.. something special? Oh God, what an idiot..

You pushed at his shoulders, causing him to fall onto his back, allowing you to crawl on top of him. Straddling him, you let your hand to push underneath the fabric of your jean skirt. He stared wide eyed, shocked at how your demeanour was slowly changing. Is the idiot finally getting it now, is he finally understanding his place? “They would never do this. They’d never touch themselves, not like this...” Your fingers dragged along your slit, preparing to access your digits to access to your dripping slit. “But it’s so much fun isn’t, oh and it just feels so good.” As your digits slipped into your enterance your mouth fell open, letting a small moan carelessly fall as you began to push in and out of yourself.

All Kakashi could do was stare up at you. Holy fuck. Were you masturbating ontop of him? The motel room, the look you made, the lewd sounds, all of it.. all of it was like something straight out of the books he read and the fact it was happening to him in real time was beginning to make him short circuit.

“What, You really want to act all shy now, what happened to practically sucking my face off? You brought me back here to fuck, not to blush at me like a virgin.” You said, lifting your skirt with your free hand, giving him a picture to go along with the sounds he was hearing. Upon that sight he made the discovery that you weren’t wearing any panties. “I bet you think about this shit all the time, don’t you? Ngh — You like thinking about girls like this, huh? If you didn’t bring me back here with you, you’d probably be jacking off to the thought of me like some kind of pervert...”

He couldn’t help the red colour invading his face. When he was in bed with girls he was usually the one saying all the dirty stuff, so having you spew all this vulgarity at him was shocking. But what was even more so was the twitching of his cock in his excruciatingly right pants.

He could tell by the face you were making that you were getting close to your own release, the look of embarrassment on his face only fueling your desire even more. Fingers curling and filling your pussy fast and eagerly, thumb moving to flick at your clit. Your tongue was starting to slip out of your open mouth now and he watched the little dribble of saliva coursing down it, your eyes starting to lull to the back of your head — it was that look. That fucking look that he read a hundred times over in the pages of his novels. He felt like he was going to cum just staring at you. But, oh god — were you gonna cum? By yourself? Right now?

Finally being able to move his body, he grabbed your wrist from under your skirt, the lewd sound of your digits leaving your soaked core made his mind all the more foggy. You didn’t complain, the pleasure built up in your core was only intensifying with the anticipation that he was going to be the one between your legs now.

But you wouldn’t tell him that. No, it was too fun to toy with his confidence. “Huh, You think you can make me cum better then my fingers? Hm, Let’s hope I’m not disappointed.” Those words definitely pricked at his ego, but he didn’t have time to mull them over as you began to crawl towards his face.

“You know, you don’t really talk too much, or maybe it’s just cause your a fucking pussy whipped whore...” Kakashi’s face gets redder at the insult. Did you just call him a whore? And why did he like it?

Your breasts bounce in your bra as you moved further up his body. “Lets just see if your mouth is good at something.” You said with dramatic exasperation and before his brain could process it, your thighs were straddling the sides of his head, pushing your core right onto his face.

Kakashi’s reaction was a bit delayed, it was only when your skirt fell over your thighs, trapping him in like a curtain, that he registered the fact that you were now sitting on his face. That and the fact that your pussy was practically suffocating him with your impatience.

He had never felt this much desire to please a woman. You were being so intoxicatingly rough with him that he found his mind only swimming with thoughts of you. Y/n, y/n, y/n. The strange girl he met at a bar. The girl who fingered herself ontop of him and was moaning like a pornstar. The feeling of your wetness already dripping down his chin, ready to be tasted... All of it was tattooing itself into his subconscious.

“Do you need me to say go?” You spat impatiently in the most tantalizing tone, it caused Kakashi’s cock to stir again. However, the words snapped him out of his frozen state and he began to desperately suck at your clit, the wet sounds echoing off the jean curtain and he felt his hips involuntarily buck into the air at your taste.

You felt the movement of his bucking hips and it his embarrassment you refused to let it go. “Oh! So you are a pussy whipped slut? You act so confident but the minute I sit on your face you lose control, just like a good whore.”

As if insulting him turned you on, your mouth began to flow with the most sinful noises and for a second Kakashi thought he was trapped in some fucked up porno. When I’m reality that excitement that had been building inside of you had been finally getting an appropriate release and you were never one to hold back your pleasure.

It felt like your veins were gushing at this point, so much so it felt as though they could burst at any second. You were just so excited and his tongue was so good.. The muscle pushing in and out of your hole, his tongue brushing against your clit as he wriggled as far as he could into your pussy.

Faintly, behind the throbbing in your ears you could hear frustrated fists against the door. They were undoubtably an angry guest that had been awoken by your loud noises, probably a pervy old man too. But you didn't give a fuck and Kakashi was too busy trying to make you cum to care either. Soon enough the banging had either blended into the noise you two were already making or the perv gave up to go jerk himself off.

“You’re licking me like a fucking dog, you’re so desperate to make me feel good.. its fucking sad.” There was no mistaking the vibration of the mans mouth on your clit, he had just moaned. As if that weren’t telling enough you could practically feel the embarrassed heat of his face on the squishy flesh of your inner thighs.  

After another sinful noise barged past your lips you found yourself hurtling quite quickly towards your climax. Losing the little ounce of pity you had for mercilessly using Kakashi’s face, you began to grind onto it. Everything was beginning to feel more heightened now. The booming sound of your heart slamming in your chest, the throbbing of your veins, the feeling of Kakashi’s mouth sucking at your clit.

You didnt even bother to heed the man a warning as you came with a loud moan, all over his face. He wasn’t shocked, afterall he finally seen your true colours and he wouldn’t have put it above you to enjoy his surprised face flushed with your own juices. He felt his arms move from their position on your hips to snake under your skirt and wipe it off—

“Don’t fucking wipe it off.”

After catching your breath, you climbed off his face and stared down at the mess you made. Your hair began to fall over your features, but he could distinctly see the sick smirk on your face before you lent down and licked a line from his chin to his cheek, collecting some of your slick off of him. Then you moved back up again, watching his still blushing face stare at you with wide eyes.

“Y/n-“ But you weren’t listening as you climbed off the bed entirely.

Though your own excitement had been suppressed, you weren’t going to leave Kakashi to finish himself off. You liked to consider yourself a good girl, at least a little bit..

“You were so well behaved, weren’t you? Do you want to cum too?” Were you really about to make him beg? Yes you were. “Come on, use your words little shinobi, why don’t you tell me what you want?” The way you spat that word out belittled him in ever sense and he couldn’t help but buck his hips again.

He felt so embarrassed, but the nights events have had him desperately straining his pants and his normal thoughts were in a far away land. The only thing he could process was the bitter ache in his pants and the sticky substance on his face.

“I-I want to cum too.”

You smirked at him from the edge of the bed. You usually expected a please at the end of the sentence but you weren’t gonna make him suffer anymore. You pat the edge of the matress as a sign for him to shuffle down. He did so eagerly and you began to fumble with his zipper.

“Be a good boy and I’ll let you.”

[writing-radionoises]

endearment

ship: shin soukoku

genre: pure fluff

prompt: a late night at the agency with atsushi and akutagawa.

notes: this was my 100th fic on ao3, so i decided to return my roots and write oddly poetic ada shin soukoku. so enjoy!

The crickets chirp from outside the agency windows, the moon makes itself at home against the night sky, the color of a deep and rich wine that contrasts against the moon’s blue tones.

Most of the lights within the agency building are off outside of a small lap by Atsushi’s desk, where the silver haired male is jotting down notes on a file.

Akutagawa has pulled a chair up next to him, leaning his head on his lover’s shoulder with heavy eyelids and barely paying attention to the scribbling of his partner.

“I could’ve done this in the morning, jinko,” Akutagawa hummed softly, his own pale hand drifting across the exposed and scarred skin of Atsushi’s arm.

“You always do the paperwork, though,” Atsushi answered with a smile, continuing to write.

“I like paperwork,” Akutagawa replied simply, “... It’s too late to be doing this, come on.”

Atsushi sets down his pencil, shifting his head to look over at his partner. Despite the time of night, the tiger doesn’t seem to be tired at all. Though, Akutagawa supposes he’s always been like this. Atsushi was much more of a night owl than Ryuunosuke could ever be, he was rather certain it was another case of the tiger’s traits melting into Atsushi’s person.

Nakajima leans in and presses a sweet kiss to Akutagawa’s cheek, carding his fingers through the fluffy hair of the other.

“You could’ve gone home without me, you know.”

“I didn’t want to.”

A soft laugh escapes Atsushi, and Akutagawa’s heart pounds against his chest. It’s like falling in love all over again, falling in love from a distance. It seems no matter how much time has passed, no matter how many times Atsushi has kissed him, and no matter how many times Akutagawa has held Atsushi to his chest, the butterflies never fade.

In fairytales and romance books, maybe they’d call this phenomenon true love, the kind of love that conquers all evil.

It feels all too simple to be comparable to Akutagawa’s feelings. Atsushi feels like another half of him, the final puzzle piece to his life.

Atsushi cups Akutagawa’s face into his head, pressing another kiss to his forehead as he releases his lover and stands, beginning to prepare to lock up the agency and set off for home.

Akutagawa rubbed at his tired eyes, grabbing his jacket from off the chair behind him. It was a new jacket, something he had grabbed while out with Yosano a few days ago due to the incoming winter seasons. it fit his aesthetic much more than the coat Dazai had given him, the jacket Akutagawa had returned to his former mentor months ago. He slipped his arms through the sleeves, buttoning the top button of the coat and smoothing out the collar as he turned off the lamp by Atsushi’s desk, tucking his materials into his desk drawer.

Atsushi and Akutagawa met up back by the entrance of the agency, Atsushi locking it up before taking Akutagawa’s hand into his as they began the walk home. Atsushi’s hand is warm against Akutagawa’s, his circulation much better than the sickly man’s.

The colder seasons were never much fun for Akutagawa and his poor health, the agency will have the joy of having to deal with a bed bound Akutagawa within at least a few months.

Though, for once, Akutagawa isn’t scared of these winter months. The cold months that had once left him feeling fear of the unknown, fear of his life sentence, now left no effect on him.

Akutagawa had grown up in insecurity, of making the best of the little he had. He had grown up with the idea that everyday could be his last.

And yet, that insecurity, that uncertainty, had now faded away.

It was no longer Akutagawa trying to care for the entire world over himself, it wasn’t Akutagawa trying to be what everyone needed anymore.

For once, now people were taking care of him.

It felt foreign and otherworldly, and he’s certain that no matter how many years pass, it will never change.

“You were reading a book earlier, something about love languages, right?” Atsushi said, turning his head to Ryuunosuke as he nodded, “What was that about?”

“Kunikida had recommended it to me,” Akutagawa explained, “It’s an older book about how romantic partners give and receive love within five different ways. The author called them love languages, the five were acts of service, gift giving, words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch.”

“Huh,” Atsushi hummed in response.

“Yours is most likely quality time,” Akutagawa mused, “Your secondary one is probably physical affection.”

“Sounds about right,” answered the other with a smile, “What about you?”

Akutagawa’s brows furrowed. He had thought about that for a while, and never ended up with a firm answer.

“I don’t know,” he answered, “I thought about it for a while, and came to no answer. I enjoy all five of the love languages, and have no preferred one for myself. I take what I’m given.”

Atsushi nods a no, moving in closer to Akutagawa with a soft smile.

“It’s more complicated than that,” Atsushi answered, “On the surface, some people would say you are probably a words of affirmation person, but I don’t think you’re any of those five.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“There’s thousands, millions, billions of people in the world,” Nakajima explained, “There’s no way they all express and give love in the five ways, there must be infinite different ways to experience love.”

“I suppose that makes sense, but it doesn’t clear up anything,” Akutagawa answered, “How do you think I experience love, in that sense?”

“You feel loved when you are known,” replied the silver haired man, giving a smile as Akutagawa rose a brow in confusion.

“I don’t understand.”

“I know your favorite brand of tea, the exact way you like it and everything. I know that you can;t braid hair because your hands are too shaky, that you despise most modern men’s fashion. I know that you really like figs, and that when you have a bad day, you lay in bed and watch the Addam’s Family. I know that you often don’t donate old clothes to second hand stores, and opt to put them all in a box and leave it somewhere around an alleyway for homeless children,” Atsushi explains, pressing his head against Akutagawa’s shoulder, “You’ve hidden so many parts about yourself for so long, that the idea of someone knowing even the smallest thing about you feels like love.”

Akutagawa fell silent, feeling his face heat up at the thought of that.

“... I didn’t know you knew all that.”

Atsushi rubs his thumb against the top of Akutagawa’s hand in a comforting fashion, his expression softening.

“Just as you grew up hiding away the soft parts of yourself, I grew up learning to analyze everyone,” he replied, “I take note of most of everything everyone does, the little things most people don’t pay attention to. I can tell you Ranpo’s favorite candy brand, that Kunikida has a habit of apologizing to inanimate objects, that Dazai taps his foot against the tile when he’s focused, things like that. And maybe it was a habit born from my own fear and trauma, but it’s helped me a lot. When you notice the little habits of people, the small things that set them apart from others, it makes you appreciate humanity so much more.”

Akutagawa feels a soft smile come on his face he looked at Atsushi, proudly rambling about his little habit as they made their way back to their living quarters, and Atsushi unlocked the door with ease. The clock read that it was about midnight now, as the two stripped themselves of their work clothes and quickly got into the bed, worn out from a long day’s of work.

Atsushi snuggled his head against Akutagawa’s chest, his arms wrapped around the back of his lover while Akutagawa ran his fingers through the other’s silky hair.

“... There was a song Dazai-san showed me awhile ago,” Ryuunosuke said, softly, “There was a lyric… It made me think of you.”

“Oh?” Atsushi replied, looking up at Akutagawa with tired eyes.

“‘I fall in love, just a little oh little bit, everyday with someone new,’” Akutagawa hummed softly, to which Atsushi smiled.

“Love with every stranger, the stranger the better,” he hummed in return, continuing the song as he then nuzzled his head against Akutagawa’s chest.

A soft laugh escaped the other.

“Thank you,” he whispered, softly.

[ewgoals]

50 Reasons why

Plot: Harry and Y/N have had an on and off relationship for 4 years, They truly feel like true love was what kept them together but nobody will take control.They had a beautiful baby boy together and the love they share was pure so pure that Harry decides to try and take control even if it was too late  and the woman he called his wife was over him. 

A/N: The Plot Is  short but the story is long, complex and beautiful. It’s based on a true story. Please listen to the song while you are listening Via Spotify or apple music, Please it makes it so much better! I have a youtube link. I said that Harry wrote and sung the song but it was a musical named rent if you don’t know lol Let me know if you want a part two 

Link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-9pvtRwaKHY 

Triggers: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Tears?, Heart break. 

Word Count: 5,843 

Harry was up all night, that’s how it’s been the last few days he couldn’t sleep without Y/N by his side. Harry knows that he did this to himself from pulling away from his former wife, when he began to struggle with his own personal demons. Harry finally sat up as he saw the light coming through the blinds of his home, he looked at his phone for a moment just hoping to get even the smallest text from his former lover but it was sadly nothing. Harry finally decided that he needed to take control of this situation, he needed his feelings to be out there and for Y/N to understand what he truly felt. 

This gave Harry the amazing idea, he was going to mix a romantic gesture with him pouring out his heart. This was going to start with Harry writing an emotional letter for the woman that he loved before words, he then ordered 50 roses and sent them to Y/N home after he checked with a couple of friends that she still lived there. This of course was Harry’s favorite thing that he’s done for a little while and he was beyond excited about finally having some control. 

Y/N and Harry have been talking every night since Y/N reached out, making sure her ex husband was okay. She never wanted to put him in a bad place, but she knew that it was for the better that they split up even if the divorce was rough enough on both of them. Y/N was shocked when she woke up to his friend calling her from downstairs, the woman rushed down the stairs in fear of something much more horrible. Y/N covered her mouth as she looked around at the 50 dozen roses that filled her living room and dining room. 

Roger looked at his best friend before saying “Girl he wants you back so bad” Y/N looked around just as shocked before grabbing a letter that was kept separate from the roses which made her smile seeing Harry’s handwriting “I’ll read these to you just because you are here” The woman admitted before her best friend nodded as he watched her open the letter “Okay here we go” the woman said shaking her head as she began reading.

“I know that you told me not to write this and normally I would listen but  I can’t help it, I saw this post that I made for you that was written like a year ago I think and it was crazy because you don’t think you could ever add to a post like that. I could though, it was talking about how you make me feel all of these things! I wasn’t sure how it was possible to add more but once I actually sat down and began thinking about how I could it was easy as hell. I’ll show you the post so you know which one I’m talking about.” The woman’s eyes were already filling with tears as she began to read the post Harry wrote for her on her birthday last year. 

“My Love,

As I am writing, I have a million thoughts running through my mind. This letter is meant to be a testament to the feelings I feel for you –  you are the one person that can put a smile on my face, even on those days when I am feeling down. You are the reason I am able to lay in bed and fall asleep peacefully. Looking at it, you have offered me new opportunities that no other person would be able to offer me.  As you lay next to me in bed sleeping, I lay there and wonder what I did to get so lucky in my life.

 You are the one that has reached out and showed me the true meaning of what it feels like to be in peace. There is no other person in this world that could have done that for me. It amazes me that someone with such outer beauty as so much inside her as well.  I feel like I am floating when I am with you. My days get brighter when I am with you. I still manage to get these butterflies when I see you. I guess overall I love you. “ Y/N shook her head as she sniffled trying to get herself to compose herself once before she looked at her friend “Please Read the rest” she asked as Y/B/F/N took the letter and began with the next page 

“I wrote that on 10/23 that was literally 3 days after you and I got together. That was the day I meant the love of my life and the woman would become the mother of my children, I told you last night but let me rephrase so everyone can see it. 

I may not show all the time and that’s because I’m shitty at human emotions but you are the most important person to me. When I’m down you bring me up without realizing you are. When I’m beyond crazy you manage to bring me back down to earth I didn’t wanna tell you because it goes back to the whole “what the fuck does this beautiful ass woman see in me like?” And that goes back to the whole I don’t think I’m worthy of love but you truly make me like I’m worthy even though I fuck up nonstop you still manage to love me even when I’m stupid as shit.” Roger stooped as he began to run his hand up and down his friend’s back “He is quite the words man” this caused them both to chuckle as her friend went on 

“I mean every word of that ten times over, no matter what stupid shit I do you manage to find a way to forgive me. Y/N from all the adventures we go on from fucking around and getting hitched in Vegas, to getting married in Paris or maybe me trying to drown you bora bora. That is still not confirmed, I’m only joking but I don’t feel like there are enough words to describe our relationship hell our marriage. Happy birthday to the love of my life, you still manage to keep on my toes but I think that’s because of how amazing you.” Roger  gasped “that’s what he wrote for your birthday? I can barely get laid from mine” Y/N laughed as she ran her hand over where her ring used to see as she took the paper and read the last paragraph 

“I found that post still saved in my phone and if I’m honest it started off a long list of things that I miss about you and I’ll break that down one by one so give me a minute haha, I’m going to call this the 50 reasons why I love you and the reason why I think we should try just once more and If it doesn’t work then that’s fine and the reason it’s fine is that we have such an amazing friendship that I don’t ever wanna lose. You give me hope even when I am hopeless. I can use all of those typical relationship quotes and for once I understand why they are like that. Okay fine I’ll get one with my list haha.” 

Y/N brain finally connected the dots as she looked around at all of the roses “They are in order from number 50” the woman shook her head as she looked at the roses once more, this was going to be a long night. Y/N quickly got started as she picked up the number 50 

“50.) I like the way you look at me.

I don’t know it’s possible but when you look at me, I feel this flutter in my chest telling me that I just saw the most beautiful woman look at me. I am also in a position where your eyes tell me so much more than you ever want to let one.” Y/N smiled sweetly as she kept going on 

“49.) Your Skin Care 

I don’t think I could tell you what you are actually doing when you start the process but I can tell you that I love how you almost become instantly relaxed when you start it and I love seeing that. I love to see how you can wind down from your day and just a little face cream helps you so much with that. “ Y/N looked at her best friend as ran her finger through her hair before giggling “He used to literally roll his eyes everytime I would even begin” Y/N shook her head as she smiled a little before she grabbed the next card 

“48.) Those Legs 

I love the feeling of running my hands up and down your legs, the way they curve so perfectly, and the length. Please don’t get me started because I don’t think I could stop. They are smooth and always smell so good.” Roger  laughed as he lightly smacked her thigh “told you those legs were killer”  Y/N laughed  as she shook her head “Next one” she said        

“47.) Your Touch 

The way you used to just run your fingers over my arm or trace outlines on my chest. I used to always look down at you and the minute I felt the tips of your fingers, I would freeze only for a second but that’s because I was shocked you were there.” Y/N looked down at the card as she closed her eyes “I don’t think I can truly get through these” The woman smiled but she kept going  

“46.) When you Play with my Hair 

This doesn’t get enough credit and I took advantage of it. When I used to lay on your chest and just listen to your heart you would run your fingers through my hair and I would always feel my heart speed up because it felt so good. It felt like you were giving my head the greatest massage of all time” . 

“45.) You see the positives when I see Negatives. 

I could come to you about something as simple as wanting to know what I should have for lunch and you can give me a whole pro list of different places I could eat. You literally turn every point in our life positively just by counteracting my negative. It makes us work really well but it also shows me how I should look at the world.”

44.) How you used to rub my back 

I know this sounds like I am repeating myself but I’m not. You used to straddle my waist and rub my back after the gym, It would give me this relaxing feeling and the way your fingers worked the muscles that were sore out and made me feel like I was jello. I can’t thank you enough...

43.) When You Picked Me 

I don’t think anyone was as shocked as me when it happened, I slide into your DMS a nervous man knowing that you had just gotten out of a relationship but I kept my heart open to the small chance I had. When you agreed to go on that date with me I couldn’t even believe it like Why was she settling but I thank my lucky stars for the day over and over. 

42.) When You Just Wanted To Cuddle.

I would wake up and have to get up for the gym but you would always pull me back down and ask for five more minutes and the minutes I got a smell of your hair I couldn’t say no. I would have to stay for five more minutes. 

41.) The Way You Wake Up. 

You always sit up and stretch before you look over at me and lean in to kiss me, I would always try to turn it into a little bit more but you would always say that your breath stunk and I remember that I could never bring it to your attention that I never smelt your breath, I was to busy focusing on my beautiful wife. 

40.) Your Feet At Night.

You know that I hate feet with a passion but I love the way you bury your feet under my legs when you get cold when we are together. I used to hate it now that I don't have it. I just miss it. 

39.) We Could Watch Cartoons Together. 

I never figured that would be something that made me love someone but it truly made me love you more, I could put Peppa pig on but we could still cuddle and just read. 

38.) I’ll Always Remember Your Favorite Flower

  I will always make sure to have your favorite bouquet of flowers and I will always know that they need to be a dark red because Maroon is one of your favorite colors. 

37.) Your Ankles. 

I remember when I would be messing around with you, I would always grab your ankle. I would leave a kiss on your ankle, I would hold your ankle. I think I don’t want to admit how much I love kissing your ankle. 

36.) You never make me feel dumb. 

You are genuinely one of the smartest people I know and somehow you’ve never made me feel like I was less because I don’t know as much as you but you would even try to explain it to her. 

35.) How you watch your favorite show, 

I’ve noticed that you would religiously watch the same show over and over and that would drive me insane now I find myself watching them just to think you are here. 

34.) How You Pull Me Closer.

I would try not to fall asleep first but the minute I did, I would feel you pull me closer and keep me close until you either felt safe or just content. I would love every minute I remember. 

33.) Your Dancing 

You always dance like nobody's watching and I love that. I love the way you mix current music and start doing the boogie haha I also love the way you twerk lol 

32.) Your Quick Replies 

I would feel myself becoming closer to snapping and you would always lighten my mood with a little small quick roast, It would always make me feel better. 

31.) Your Love For Dogs 

I’ve never seen someone care about our living things, I would always be a little shy about them at first but you would go and bear hug the dog no matter what haha. 

The next ten flowers were  labeled NSFW which meant that Y/N was’t going to read them out loud but her friend was quick to put that idea down “Nope, I’m emotionally invested you need to read them all” Y/N blushed before nodding as she looked at the next card reading loudly 

“30.) Your moans

Those are literally crack, I would hear that moan and it would get me ready almost instantly. I hear the moan almost every night and well let’s just say I miss hearing it in person.”  Y/N was blushing already as her best friend laughed “Oh this is adorable keep going”  

“29.) Your Whispers

I don’t know if you thought I could hear but when you whisper in my ear, I feel myself almost buckling at my knees and smiling just because I know exactly where to touch to make those moans come out.” 

“28.) Your Nails 

I miss the way your nail would run down my back, they could be long or short. They were just this naturally fuck me harder button and I swear every time you did it I was ready for you all over again.” 

“27.) Your Taste. 

This is not a place that I can beat around the bush, I miss the feeling of going down on you. I miss feeling those fingers in my hair as I eat the most amazing peach that I could’ve ever tasted in my life” Roger laughed as he held his chest “Girl you better get back with him, that alone would have be running back” Y/N covered her face as she closed her eyes “Okay next one” 

“26.) Your Lips

I miss how those lips felt against mine, they are the softest things I’ve ever kissed, and the way you bit your bottom lip is just unreal.”

“25.) Your Smirk

You only use this when you know you’ve won and it’s my favorite thing about getting to admit defeat. That smirk you have when you crawl back on top of me. A man could  fall in love with that.” 

“24.) Your Ass 

How is it I can picture your ass and I could tell you the curves of the perfect tanned ass. I love how you reacted when  I finally smack your ass. You gasp and use that damn smirk.” 

“23.) Your boobs 

I still love the feeling of kissing down your chest as I run my hands over your amazing breasts, they are soft and fit perfectly in my hands. I can tease you so much because of it.” 

“22.) Those Kisses 

I always remember when you would be giving me a blow job, You would always leave these kisses on my inner thighs. Those still drive me wild but Nobody could do it like you.” Y/N smiled as she shook her head “Girl you need to teach me your tricks. You got this boy pussy whipped” Y/N slapped Roger’s chest “Shut up” 

“21.) The way you pull my hair. 

I’ve learned that you grab onto many things, my hair is a perfect victim but god is it such a turn on. I could feel myself slipping away because you wore me out but the minute you pulled my hair I was back into it. “

“20.) The way you take control when you want it. 

 I loved watching you ride me, I get the perfect view of those amazing perfect breasts in my face but I also get to see you take control and that is so sexy. “ 

Y/N finally looked up at Roger before closing her eyes “I have 20 more reasons why he loves me and I have no words to say anymore” Roger smiled as nodded “come on girl 20 more” 

“19:) How well we fit together

I would begin that I could marry someone who just sleeps well and I did. Our bodies just fit perfectly to the point that I could never think that anything could be better” 

“18.) The Way You Talk To Tv 

I can’t begin to tell you that just because you scream at the tv, it's not going to change the outcome but watching you get so the anger was half worth it” 

“17.) Your Grace  

The way you handle yourself when the media talks about you. You don’t talk negatively but just smile through it” 

“16.) The way you handle my jealousy 

I know that sometimes, it’s ridiculous that I get jealous over small stuff but it’s because have you ever dated someone who was so above your league? Of course not, you are a goddess.”  

“15.) I love that we are friends and family.

No matter what you always made me feel important even when nobody else did, you always treated me like family and when I was going through a pure panic attack you would manage to call me down even with just your words. You treat me like I am not this piece of shit. That I matter. “ 

“14.) Your Smell  

When you would get out of the shower and come to bed, The way your hair smelt mixed with your perfume and other smells just made you into this perfect smell that I still can’t get out of my nose.” 

“13.) Our Baths 

  We did this a lot while you were pregnant, I would just run my hand over your little pregnant belly and I would feel so content with just being able to hold you, let you relax with some weird bath bomb” 

“12.) Your Christmas Obsession 

I never really liked Christmas before I met you, it was kinda just a holiday. I would go home but you made it special. Now when it’s Christmas time all I think about is you, how your eyes would light up when you would see all the Christmas lights. How you would get excited when Emre,Lea or Presley  opened a present. You Made Christmas something special and I’ll always thank you for that.” 

“11.) Your Laugh 

I think I could write a ten page essay about your laugh alone. I remember holding you and I would start to tickle you now it would end in you giving me a death threat but it was worth it to hear that laugh. I would always get this heart fluttering feeling when that special sound left your lips.” 

“10.) I miss you when you aren’t next to me 

I’ve noticed this more now that we aren’t together but I find myself taking this much more serious now that the reality sets in that we are where we are. This becomes more real every time I get  a text from you. Hell I used to miss you when you are in the next room.” 

“9.) The way you are with our kids. 

I feel like this is pretty self explanatory but the way you look at our kids and how they smile so lovingly back at you . The way they squeal when you kiss them, how they want nothing more but to hold you and play with you makes me realize that you were the perfect choice for the mother of my children, You are the perfect mom everyone is trying to me and you do it effortlessly.”

“8.) We’ll Always Have Paris. 

I’ve always wanted to say that haha. You make it possible for me to say that. Paris will always be the place where I found the love of my life, It will also be the place where God showed me that angels walk among men.” 

“7.) Always being True

You are being true to who you are, your morals are sometimes not in my favor but it makes me love you more. That you know exactly what you want and what you truly deserve. This drives me crazy but in the best possible way and almost makes me jealous of you that you are so smart and true to who you are that you can get whatever you want. This makes even more one of a kind than you are.”

“6.) The Way You Let Me In

I know that you don’t do this anymore and I think that’s what makes it even more special that you let me in. I get to see every side of you: the good,bad,stressed, sad, angry, vulnerable. I know it doesn’t make sense but when you open up to me I get this feeling in my chest and I just can’t help but feel like I am the luckiest person in the world. “

“5.) Your Eyes 

I was in the studio yesterday and the thought of you popped into my mind and the lyrics created themselves. I have the audio of me singing which I texted you, I don’t know if you caught that yet. If not I left the lyrics for you” 

Your eyes

As we said our goodbyes

Can't get them out of my mind

And I find I can't hide

From your eyes

The ones that took me by surprise

The night you came into my life

Where there's moonlight

I see your eyes

How'd I let you slip away

When I'm longing so to hold you

Now I'd die for one more day

'Cause there's something I should have told you

There's something I should have told you

When I looked into your eyes

Why does distance make us wise?

You were the song all along

And before the song dies

I should tell you, I should tell you

I have always loved you

You can see it in my eyes

Y/N saw her phone sitting next to her as she grabbed it and saw the audio file that was sent to her, the woman smiled softly before she played the song as loud as she could without waking her young son in the next room over. Roger's eyes were filled with tears by the end of the song before Y/N wiped her tears away as she shook her head “I can’t do this anymore. Roger I’m seeing someone else'' Roger nodded as he looked down sad for the woman “Just hear him out” Y/N nodded as she looked at the last four of the flowers 

“4.) Those Nose Scrunches 

I couldn’t get enough of those, when you would tease me there was a nose scrunch. When you would be making food and it splashed on you there was a nose scrunch. When you would change a diaper another nose scrunch or even when I kissed your nose. God I love them.” 

“3.) Our Inside jokes 

This is something I never thought I would miss as much I do, I love that when I say Bora Bora to you that we both think of the time you claim I tried to drown you I swear to goodness I did not!  Or our mutual hatred for the chicago bears” 

“2.) You made me feel like I mattered 

It didn’t matter if I felt like I was the worst person you always made me feel like my story mattered and that so did what I have to say. You made me realize that even if nobody wants to hear it my voice should be heard. You helped me into who I am now. I wasn’t Harry Styles to you, I was just a person” 

“ 1.) Your Heart 

This is the number one reason why I love you. Your heart is a wonderful thing, that you don’t realize is as amazing as it is. Your heart is this thing that amazes me hell it managed to love me and well that’s crazy enough to me. I get more and more amazed every time you show me your heart. When I met you and your heart, it began to change me and help heal my messed up heart. Your heart is the purest thing I’ve ever seen. I love you. I love your heart and I love that you managed to love me with that beautiful heart.” 

Y/N was now in full blown tears as she found the next letter hidden in the last bouquet of flowers “Roger please” her best friend took the letter as he opened the letter she read out for her 

“ I think I could keep going on because If i’m being honest it took me an hour to think of 50 reasons why I love you  but I decided that it might be a little too much if I sent a 100 reasons why I love you but I told you that I will give you 50 reasons why I love you and one reason why I think we should try again and here is that reason 

1..) The reason I think that we should try once more is because we are perfect. I know that it would be easier to go and talk to Matthew and fall in love with him and that He won’t give you half as many headaches as I did. Hell he probably won't give nearly as much heart break either. He would be the easier option and I would understand completely if you did it now I know he's not a guy you were talking to but he was just an example. I know that I am not perfect, hell I am far from it. I know that at points our relationship was toxic and I am still so sorry for every time that I made our relationship toxic in some way.” 

Y/N covered her mouth as she bit her lip “He knows about Matt… yet he still took a chance with all of this” Roger looked down at the letter as he kept saying 

“I know that we have our problems, I know that we can talk through them and I know that I love you. I know that no matter what I always will. Hell you can tell me no right now and that we will never happen again and I will tell you okay but only if I can still be in your life because that’s all i truly want. If I can’t have you then it would still be an honor to be your friend.” 

Y/N  looked at her phone in her hand before she grabbed her phone and quickly dialed her ex husband’s number “Y/N” the sound of the man’s voice made her breath stop as she looked at the roses in front of her “Harry, These roses and the letters” Harry just laughed a little “It was over kill huh?” Y/N quickly smiled “No! I loved them but Harry. My heart’s heavy— which I don’t know is a good thing or not. All these things you’ve said about me, these 50 reasons why you love me, it really touched me and it made me realize that you truly do love me. What breaks my heart is that this wasn’t there during the end of our relationship” The woman stopped for a moment as she tried to hold back the tears that she had 

‘On both sides, not just yours. What hurts is that it took 3, or even 4 years for us to realize this? It took countless breakups. It took so much, and maybe that’s the beauty of it. You’re right, another relationship would be easier to be in, there wouldn’t be the arguments and fights and quarrelling and all the little things that are basically ways of expressing love for one another. I don’t know if I need to explain anything right now, and I’m assuming you don’t want me to. But I will tell you that you really healed a lot with what you said. It means a lot, and I do love it.” Harry shook his head 

The man laughed at himself as he audibly said “No,  I don’t want you to explain anything. I want you to just know that I meant every word. That wasn’t my intention to heal anything with a letter. It was to show you that if you want and I need you to remember that if YOU WANT I’ll be right here waiting with my arms open and ready to love you all over again because like I said a new relationship would be easy for both of us but they wouldn’t have those parts that make us so perfect and comfortable together. Now I’ll admit I hope this does make you want to try this again but if it doesn’t that’s fine because now you know everything I was so cowardly to say while we were together.” Harry finished as Y/N sniffled into the phone 

Y/N managed to start talking without breaking her words “I do understand. I don’t know if I’d want to try again though. We could, but it could end up like it did last time, it could also last a long time, but I’m in a place where I’m slowly getting better and I’m not sure if risking that is a good thing. If I’d have heard this when we were together then that’s another story. Maybe we couldn’t work it out together and recovered from our problems and mental health issues together. But we had to separate to help ourselves, that itself says something. Harry, I love you and I will always love our son and the life that we have together but I am seeing someone Harry and I need to see where that goes” Harry smiled sadly as his eyes filled with tears before he whispered “ I understand. I’ll talk to you soon Y/N. Tell Jace I love him and that daddy misses him.” Harry didn’t say goodbye. He just hung up. 

Harry knows that what he did was childish and he should’ve been supportive, he couldn’t help it. He was upset, heartbroken, disappointed,miserable. Harry knew that he couldn’t do that to his ex wife and mother of his child, he grabbed his phone and quickly texted back “I am happy for you, I’m elated that you found someone to make you feel the way I feel about you. I’m not going to lie. I was hoping that my 50 reasons would give a little time to take you off your feet. I was just a little too late. I love you Y/N. I’ll always be waiting for you… No matter what” 

[lemonietrinket]

Cosiest Place on Earth ||| Kun x Reader

Summary: Where Kun is relaxing in peace, and a certain someone decides its a prime time to ‘annoy’ him  Genres: Sickly sweet fluff, plus some humour Warnings: Tiny bit of scary but it’s not actually anything scary (if that make sense) Word count: 1259 Song: Heart Flutter - W24 AN: an edit of an old piece revamped to—hopefully—a much higher standard. reading the original wasnt.... painful but it wasnt exactly fun either :/ im so sorry guys for subjecting you to my writing back then

gender neutral reader

~~~

The night was oddly still, a starless sky beckoning darkness across the thin face of the moon, an icy wind trickling through the smallest gap in the window behind a set of closed curtains, encouraging them to breathe in the shadows. Despite this, Kun was soaking up the peace.

He loved his groupmates, he really did. They were extremely talented, funny and, on the whole, easy to get along with people. They were annoying sometimes yes, but they mostly did as they were told, and after hearing from other leaders at the award shows, he realised he could have had it a whole lot worse. However, the thing they were best at was reminding him of how precious some true quiet really was.

And so, as soon as they all became preoccupied with some new racing game he hadn’t been paying enough attention to remember the name of, he leapt at the chance. Cut to now, and Kun was curled up in his bed, buried neatly under three blankets to combat the cold that had defeated the radiator. He had shuffled himself into the corner of his bed, as close to the hushed lamp as he could get without the bulb blinding him from the gap in the very top of the shade, and bundled the covers beneath his feet to keep in as much warmth as possible. Book in hand, his eyes trickled across the page, occasionally having to jump back as soon as he caught his thoughts scattering. 

He wasn’t used to the silence and it showed. As much as he relished in a small period of it, he couldn’t ignore the gnaw of unprovoked concern. His life and the ones of those around him were so hectic that as soon as that chaos stopped it felt like something had gone wrong.

He had been about to sigh when a creak from the door stopped him mid breath. Leaning to get a clearer look, hands slipping the bookmark between the pages as he went, he felt his eyes widen as an abnormal fear etched itself inside his stomach. 

Between the gap approached a figure from the dark. It had pointed head and disproportionately long arms, with strangely hackled shoulders and no face to speak of. It approached so uneasily, and Kun was already glancing at the window so as to be ready if he needed to make an escape, until the creature’s foot reached the light’s boundary. 

He recognised that leg. 

“Y/N…!” he groaned, flopping back into the cushions behind his back and shoving his book to the side.

You came to a halt proudly in the light, staring at him confusedly from where you’d tightened the hood of your stolen jumper around your face. “What?”

“You scared me, love…!” 

“Huh?” You looked down at the layers you had put on to try and fight the cold before turning back to take in just how dark the rest of the room. You couldn’t help but giggle as you continued to make your way to your boyfriend, “Oh, I’m sorry…!”

He scoffed, watching as you came to the side of the bed. “Pssh, no you’re not.” 

“I am!” you whined, beginning to clamber across the mattress. Your destination? The cosiest place on earth.

Kun shook his head as he carefully began to lift the blankets up for you to join, chuckling as you finally reached him and immediately burrowed into his side while he tucked the blankets around you. “Cold?”

“Nope, wearing hoodies like this is just part of my new fashion statement,” you sassed, waiting for him to wrap his arm around you before you linked your cold legs with his, much to his dismay.

He yelped at the contact, kicking the blankets around your feet even more. “You are so lucky that I’m such a good boyfriend.”

You just laughed, nestling your nose further into his neck and releasing your hands from your sweater paws. Unfortunately for him they weren’t much warmer, and he practically shrieked as you clutched at his jumped beneath the covers.

“Jesus, Y/N—!”

“Are you though?” you slyly enquired. “A good boyfriend?”

“You think I’m not?”

You hummed. “Well, last time I checked good boyfriends can tell the difference between a cryptid and the best thing that has ever happened to them.”

His laughter was soft and rich, and it thrummed by your ear—immediately coaxing your smile into a full blown grin. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, huh?” he murmured, gentle hand easing your hood open and off to free your hair from its confines, just so he could ease it between his fingertips. “You’d better keep it down when you say that, I don’t think it would end well if the other’s found out.” 

You snickered, pressing a chaste kiss to his neck before settling back down again. Kun knew you could hear how his heart skipped a beat at you and how precious you were, and he didn’t care a single bit. Pulling the covers further up so you would be warm enough, he traced his thumb across your temple, smiling as your eyes closed happily. The two of you dipped into a momentary quiet—not an uncommon occurrence between the two of you, as comfortable silence really was its own blessing—but it wasn’t long before you spoke up coyly. 

“Kun?”

“Yes, love?”

“Would you still love me if I was a cryptid?”

His love-swarmed gaze didn’t change. “Of course I would,” he said, “but please don’t go out there and get yourself turned into one. And if you are one, well… you better tell me if you are, yeah?”

You chuckled, though he noticed the ease of tiredness in your voice. “I would tell you, baby, and I’m not, I promise.”

“Sounds like something a cryptid would say,” he whispered, smile simpering upon his lips at your sleepy one. You were too adorable for him to fully comprehend in words. “Would you like some music?”

You hummed a no, and so he reached for his book from where he had discarded it by his thigh, careful to not disturb you. “I’ll read again, if that’s ok?”

He had expected a little backlash perhaps, since it would mean you wouldn’t be able to have a hand stroking your arm—the shock, the horror! Kun had to admit, then, that he was surprised when you managed to work up the rest of your energy to ask, “Read to me?”

Opening the book as best he could with one hand and placing the bookmark on the bedside table, his heart swelled at your words.

“Of course,” he replied, planting a kiss to your crown, before he turned back to the paper, words much clearer to him now. 

“Hundreds of fireflies drifted over the pool of water held back by the sluice gate, their hot glow reflected in the water like a shower of sparks. I closed my eyes and steeped myself in that long-ago darkness. I heard the wind with unusual clarity. A light breeze swept past me, leaving strangely brilliant trails in the dark. I opened my eyes to find the darkness of the summer night a few degrees deeper than it had been. I twisted open the lid of the jar and took out the firefly...”

With the warmth long seeped throughout your body, cradled in the arms of the man you knew would love you through thick and thin, it wasn’t long before the words dissipated into the air, as his tender voice lulled you into sleep.

~~~

an: book excerpt is in italics and is not mine! its from a book called Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami that i really recommend you read, if you are ok with very strong themes. i studied it for my english literature coursework and i didnt hate it once! even through all that rereading and stuff so.. yeah :))

if you enjoy please leave a comment or reblog with hashtags or drop something in my asks i dont mind sksksk they really help me keep want to write! 

Masterlist

[imagine-writerz]

My Song Bird {pt.1} ~Prince Kit X Reader

Word Count:  1640

Summery: After meeting Kit, your life changes in an unexpected way. Will you be able to love him even with your lowborn status?

Your POV

As I lay by the dying embers in the fireplace of my family’s manor, the embers flickered like dancer to the beautiful sound of silence. My nightgown pooled around me as I sat up to watch them, I began to hum the lullaby taught to me by my late mother. It was a soothing tone, the word would slowly take over the room but for now the tone was enough. I pause for a moment to speak, “It must be morning by now...”

I glide to the closest window, the smallest glisten of light peered over the top of the hills. A thought entered and I sped to the kitchen to prepare a meal for Father, who has gotten sick. Father was a lowborn lord and my Mother was a maid, that’s why there were very few maids/servants/helpers. Most work was done by father and I, but as of recently i had been the sole keeper for the animals and home. But today, there was no need to run around the homes tidying or maintaining the fireplace. After breakfast i would ride my mare into the woods and visit the hazel tree that was over my mothers memorial.

I dressed in a work gown, and mounted my horse, Destiny. As I rode to the woods, A snake spooked Destiny causing here to begin running, I lost control and could only speak to her to try and calm her. Which was working until what seemed like an army started pounding our way. She panicked more as these strangers ran our way. She began her panicked run again, and she started bucking. I let out a yelp as I was almost through from the horse’s back.

"Destiny, please calm down, please!” My cry caught the attention of one of the men from the Army, that was actually a hunting group. A man on a chestnut stallion came riding to try and give me aid. As I clang to my horse, I tried to stroke her mane to calm her down. Suddenly, a hand pulled the reins that fell where i could not. Destiny finally stopped slowly and i was pulled to up so she was fully on her horse.

“Are you okay, My Lady?” The stranger spoke, drawing your attention to him fully. His eyes were Sapphire, they were the bluest blue i had ever seen. His face was clean shaven, and his curly chestnut hair was pulled back with a gel. His face looked like it was chiseled by any and every god possible.

“I- Yes, I’m okay... A snake scared her, I’m sorry...” I said, almost at a lose for word. I stared at him a little longer slightly bewildered, his clothes looked to be one of a lord.

“What are you doing alone all the way out here? Shouldn’t a lady like you have company?” He said, looking around to see if anyone was with her.

“I’m not alone now. You and Destiny are with me, Mr. Hero...” I finally form a sentence in front of this god of a man.

“Call me Kit, and what do they call you, My Lady?”  Kit spoke with a gentle voice, as he glanced back to the hunting group which waited behind him.

“They call me-” I was interrupted by the chime of a bell that originated from my home, Father needed help, “I’m sorry, I must go..”

“Wait! I want to see you again, how can I?” He said quickly as I began to ride away.

“I’ll be in town tomorrow, meet me in the square near sundown.” I spoke, before rushing off. Outside of my home I found an old friend of my father. He was waiting by the door in his finest clothes.

“Sir Philip, it is lovely to see you in good health...” My voice spooked the older man, he turned around quickly.

“Little song bird, you’ve grown more beautiful than last time I have seen you.” Sir Philip said as he offered his hand to help me down from Destiny.

“Have you come to see father?” I couldn’t help but question, as I slid off of my horse.

“Why yes, I came to see if he was as sick as they say he is...” His face turned sour at the thought of his poor old friend, “I would also like to offer my help if it is ever needed by you, Little bird.”

Everyone was as grim of the outcome of his sickness as I was. I moved to open the door, letting him in. Guiding him to father’s room, letting him in once again and excusing myself into a side room. I cleaned my face and hands, before making some tea for the three of us. As I carried the tea up, I paused outside the door to listen to the obviously important conversation, which was spoken in hushed voices.

“I am too sickly to work or care for her. I wish for you to take her in when I pass and treat her as your own.” Father’s hushed voice let out, “Find her a handsome husband, but let her love freely...”

“Old friend, I always have and always will treat her as my own. If you pass I will go to the king and ask for him to declare her as the next in line to take my land. Martha will make sure she has the finest dresses.” Philip made his piece known, “ and as for now, I will help pay for the finest medical staff to watch you so she may be spared from any more pain.”

I knock on the door now, not wanting to hear such sad talk all the time. I push my weight against the heavy door, once again. As it opens I slip in, and put the tea onto the side table. I pour the three cups of tea and give father his, and Philip his. Father suddenly turns as much as he can to look me in the eyes.

“My darling, how would you feel with living with Sir Philip and Lady Martha? You should not watch me like this...” Father’s voice sounded worse than normal.

“Father, I will not leave you to die alone!” I spoke out again.

“Y/N, I don’t want you to see me like this... I want you to go be happy and young, and you would be able to visit me as you please. You just would not have the pressure of caring for me...” Father wished for me to take this offer, i could not let him down.

“I will go with them, but I will visit you everyday for tea.” I agreed to his wishes.

I was sent to pack, as I headed to headed to do so I saw the helpers Sir Philip brought to leave with father. I headed to my room and filled a bag first with clothes and then with my sentimental items, my stuffed rabbit Claire, a painting of mother, a few gifts from father and a silk lace square. This filled one bag, which was enough for one woman. I headed to Father’s room were he sent me out to the carriage with a farewell.

When I arrived i was sent to my new room and went to rest until tomorrow. I would visit Father in the morning and go to meet my new friend in the evening. For now, I must only dream. Kit was dreamy and charming, and he seemed to be some form of apprentice. His hair was curly and shiny, his eyes were kind and a new blue. He had the face of an angel, mixed with a king. He looked like a dream. Tomorrow I will see him again.

In the morning I woke up, and dressed in the dress Martha set out, it was a beautiful (color you look good in) with a (Silver/Gold) trim. The corset made my waist look tiny as that was the beauty standard, and my chest was pushed out. I left to see Father after I set my hair in a sloppy braid. I sat and spoke to Father until the Sun was in the middle of the sky. I told Father of my friend named Kit, and he was ecstatic to hear that I found another friend. I soon realized I would have to leave soon to make it to the plaza on time.

When I arrived off the plaza the sun was soon to set, and I was walking to the square before I saw a swarm of ladies trying to jump on what looks like a person or a group of people. I saw a man slip out of the group, and down an alley to hide. I approached the man, only to see it was Kit.

“Kit?” I spoke quietly, Kit looked up suddenly. His startled look morphed into a small smile.

“My lady, come with me before they see us.” He said in response, this surprise me.

“Wha- Why?” I ask as he drags me away from the square. I look to see that the fight had stopped and all the ladies were looking confused. When Kit finally came to a stop, we were at the edge of the town near a river.

“I was the reason for the crowd back there...” He says confused that I did not already know.

“Are you famous? or do you go around saving others all the time?” I asked.

“You... You don’t know who I am?” He was shocked more than ever.

“Am I supposed to? I mean I know you are Kit and you save Damsels in distress...” I said, slightly uncomfortable.

“I... No, I suppose you don’t need to know who I am.” Kit said, “now, who are you?”

“I’m Y/N” I Say