#and i need to avoid falling back into the pit of despair i was in yesterday

[thegoblinwitch]

(currently playing: 'Let's have a satanic orgy' - Twin Temple)

[yanderes-galore]

Hmm how about Junko enoshima from danganronpa with prompt 4. From your yandere prompt list

Sure! I hope I depict her well in this....

Yandere! Junko Enoshima Prompt 4

"My heart belongs to you, I'll adore anything you do to it."

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Sadism, Junko likes to hurt you both, Blood, Implications of darling dying, Extremely dark themes, Forced "relationship".

"Don't you want to hurt me?"

The question sounds genuine... yet taunting. You don't comment at first, too busy on the scene in front of you. A metallic smell overwhelms your nose... causing you to shake.

Corpses... all of the faces you once knew... from acquaintances to close friends... They lay in the classroom like butchered meat with stab wounds in their flesh.

"Please, you didn't expect them all to live, right?" Junko muses, "It's so much more fun if none of them live. You cared about them too much... made me quite upset, actually."

You remain silent, bile building in your throat as you look at the scene. You collapse on your knees as you look it over. Junko had dragged you to a classroom to show you a scene she no doubt created herself. Blood coated the walls... barely hiding the corpses of those you once knew alive.

Why...?

Because it hurt you... and that was cute to her.

"Ohhh, don't act like I don't see that look in your eye!" Junko coos, big blue eyes staring down at you as she seats herself in front of you. Blood, in its nauseating color, coats her clothes as she gives you a Cheshire grin.

"You want to hurt me~!" Junko chirps, "You want to hurt me back because I broke all your precious little relationships... let's be honest, honey... the only relationship that matters is ours!"

"We don't have a relationship!" You bark, causing Junko to howl in laughter.

"Ouch... that makes me so sad... seeing you deny me like that hurts... I love it...!" Junko purrs with a grin. "You look so cute when you're deep in the pits of despair... They must've meant a lot to you."

This was the game Junko always liked to play. Junko only ever loved despair. It's an emotion she lusts after, while others try to avoid it.

You have a speculation what Junko feels towards you... isn't love. No, she doesn't genuinely love you. She's obsessed with you... but not entirely you as a being...

She's obsessed with causing you anguish... because it makes her feel the same way.

She loves you in her own twisted way. She both loves yet hates it when you hate her back. When she successfully manages to make you act out against her... She feels despair.

Making you fall into despair drags her with you... like you're both chained together.

"It hurts, doesn't it? To be so deep in despair? To know you're all alone except for me...?" Junko pouts playfully, coming closer to kneel down in front of you. "Don't you hate me?"

She cups your face, nails digging into your skin as you violently try to pull away.

"There's no need to hide your hate, sweetheart. I see it in your eyes." Junko hums, slowly grinning as you glare at her.

"My heart belongs to you, I'll adore anything you do to it." Junko admits. "I want you to hurt me, to make me feel pain and despair... I want the person I love most to despise me... know why?"

You don't bother answering, watching with disgust as Junko lets you go to retrieve something from a corpse.

"It causes me great despair to be the cause of your pain..." Junko confesses, pulling a large knife from a corpse. The blade drips the tainted substance of blood, making you gag. "I love it. I love it as much as I love you... if not more...."

You freeze when Junko approaches with the knife, the blade wet with its past kills. Junko grins down at you, toying with the blade as she ponders what to do next. A shiver runs down your spine.

"Seeing you glare at me, hating me... To see that come from someone I care about to the point of infatuation... the amount of despair I gain is euphoric." Junko shudders with a deranged giggle.

"You could do anything to me..." Junko smiles, circling you like a hungry shark who just smelled blood in the water. "You could hurt me in any way... and I'd never stop loving you... I'll just keep coming back for more."

Junko then goes silent for a moment, pausing in front of you to look over the knife. She appears to be in deep thought before an idea comes in mind. You go to weakly pull yourself off the ground, only for Junko to lunge.

You fall to the blood soaked wood of the classroom. Junko is quick to straddle you as she presses the blade to your chest. She stares down at you with eager eyes... your fear is delectable.

"You know..." Junko trails, looking at your quivering form as you try to move. She stops such attempts by pressing the knife's edge to your throat. "The ultimate feeling of despair would come from us killing each other...."

Your heart picks up, staring at the girl in fear as she grins wickedly. She's serious....

"Don't you know how much it would hurt? How much it would pleasantly ache to have to kill the one I love? That, or have you hate me enough to bring me to the brink of death? You know how much DESPAIR that would cause us...?" Junko continues, practically salivating at the thought.

"It would be the ultimate conclusion to our love, sweetheart! The ultimate way to show that you're mine and we were always meant to be!" Junko sighs dreamily, toying with the blade again. "So... what do you say?"

Junko then grabs your hand, wrapping it around the handle of the blade as she still holds it.

Her gaze is hypnotic, evidence of her spiraling into despair at the thought of you hurting one another... and your fear only adds to the feeling.

"I want you to hurt me."

[georgichan]

would love to see a one shot of someone (either villager or farmer) comforting a drunk shane and not forcing him to get sober immediately, just being there for him when he needs it. kind of angsty fluff ig

Of course Anon! <3 Always love a good bit of Shane angst so thanks for the request _________________________

The rain.

It never seemed to stop.

Ever

He ran his hands down his face, before slumping forward a little. Eyes growing so heavy, he took another sip before tossing can to ground. Without really thinking, the sound of a can opening and he was already taking another sip of a freshly opened beer. The perfect taste, it slid down like water. Nothing better in this world, just the last one for the day. Can stop anytime after all and it was fine of course. It always was. Surely?

He looked up at sky and tried to contemplate how he got to this place, how his feet had towed body to sit on the edge of abyss. He was fine, he was always fine. Joja as usual in the morning and everyone deserved a break after a long day. This was just that and he took another sip. Etching down throat, the feeling laced with the numbness that followed. Chasing that feeling of drowning. Chasing away the thoughts that edge away at each passing hour until he couldn’t think anymore.

Crunching can and tossing it to the ground without really thinking. Thinking never helped much anyway, it was better for such things to be avoided.

What a touching idea that was.

He wished he could stop. Stop thinking about where he would be in the morning. Thinking that he was a failure. Thinking that he would let down Marnie and Jas again and again…

And again.

Another sip, he leaned back into sodden grass. Eyes taking in the grey covered sky and he simply pretended this was okay. This was justice, it was right. All he would have to do is slip and it would be the end. Falling alone, how fitting.

Eyes seemed to fall shut, can clutched in hand. This could be it.

…

…

“Shane, is that you?”

Fuck, of course it was them. The entire town and it was them.

The Farmer.

“just leave me alone-“. He tells them plainly, eyes looking anywhere but at them.

They don’t say anything, they seem to just stand behind him for what felt like too long. Then he heard steps of them inching closer. He heard the rustling of the grass, till it was clear what was happening as the farmer sat down next to him. Time began to blur and the farmer remained. Sitting with Shane as the rain continued to fall and he couldn’t fall out of his pit of despair enough to pay attention.

As the rain got harder, he wondered why they didn’t just leave. It’s what he deserved.

Then the silence was broken again.

Strangely enough by him.

“I don’t get it, why don’t you leave?”

“Why would I leave?” A quick response by the farmer.

Shane hiccupped, struggling to sit up to look at the farmer. He knocked over cans as he did and the world seemed to spin as a result. “Because it’s what I deserve. To be here, just me, some beers and that cliff-“. He felt so defeated, he couldn’t even hide it. All he could think about was rolling off that damn cliff, hoping it could at least look like an accident. Hoping people didn’t realise just how damn pathetic he was.

“I’m not leaving-“. They tell him, and he can feel the sincerity from their eyes alone. The farmer reaches out, hands outstretching to lightly touch his shoulder. He doesn’t have the energy to push back, he doesn’t have the energy to deny that such a gesture felt nice.

He went to retort but the farmer gently squeezed his shoulder.

“Can I tell you a story?”

“A… story?” He can’t help but look at the farmer in disbelief, but he nods at them, giving them permission to continue.

“You know before I moved here, I used to work in the city. Some stupid office and for Joja of all people”, The farmer didn’t meet his gaze as they spoke, simply staring off the edge of the cliff.

“I used to wake up and feel such a sense of dread each day. I used to think it would feel like that forever. And you know what?”

“What?”

“I was wrong”.

“That doesn’t mean anything to me-“, Shane offers in response.

“I wouldn’t have held onto to such things either, but it is true. Whether you believe me or not-“. The farmer finally met his gaze again, eyes so gentle.  “But I’m not expecting grand gestures. I just want one thing”.

More confusion to follow and he looked at the farmer without even trying to hide it.

“What?” He finally asked, eyebrows raising in confusion. It was hard enough to stay conscious, let alone to think.

“Just don’t tell me to go away”

For once he didn’t fight, he simply nodded.

The farmed inched closer, a comforting presence.

They would both have to go soon.

He would have to accept some consequences of surrounding metal.

Yet looking at them, he felt butterflies.

He didn’t feel alone. (Also posted on AO3)

[ghostlyfeelings]

july

a doe eyed baby sometimes felt a women. i was her and she was me. i was the care taker. child taking care of her mother. this isnt really something new but has been a consistent theme even as i have become older. family became a prominent subject. one i don't touch very often. all for good reasons but sometimes the universe shoves it at you all at once. i tiptoed around my house in avoidance. didn't want to rock any boats or have mine rocked. again, this is something i am familiar with. then came the phone call that will have an everlasting effect on the rest of my life. to let me know my nanny died. my mother and aunt screaming at eachother hours later was the cherry on top of an already shitty cake. i fell into a big black pit of despair. i stayed there. i felt all of the emotions until i felt absolute nothingness. spent one night getting black out drunk and throwing up. on the streets, at the bar, in the designated smoking area. got into a fight with a girl. apologized days later. gave myself two weeks of sobriety after that. to process and feel and heal. felt really proud of myself. then the life in my eyes finally started to come back. felt high on the beauty of nature. felt connected to it all. saw two dragonflies in one sitting. could feel my grandmas energy. wrote her a letter that i will never get to send. so i silently and knowingly sent it up to her in heaven. felt a lot of gratitude for the friends i have. for my pets and the universe. for the past versions of me that got me here. began to rescue bugs from drowning in the pool. began to feel and think deeply about their lives. wondered if they have other bugs waiting for them somewhere and if they don't return, do they feel their heart break too? went on my first date since the breakup. he gave me a rose. ended at the strip club three guys later. gave me a boost of confidence. went home and still wished it was my ex holding me. felt like something strange was going on in the cosmos. had a nice dose of the reality that my body is older by needing an entire day to recover from that hangover. found a lot of joy in spending time with myself. feel happy knowing i don't need a relationship to fulfill something lacking inside of me anymore. that i can fill my own cup, that i can talk myself down. held myself through it all and it felt different from when i would ask someone to hold me so that i didn't fall apart. i talk to my plants and the trees and the bugs too. just the way i do when i imagine child me, doe eyed and looking for gentleness. i commit fully to breaking this generational curse. i commit fully to not being cruel. im ready for some change and a nice thunderstorm or two. to believing in love and allowing myself to feel that i am loved too.

[ladybellissima]

Finding Love Katakuri x Reader Part 27

Slowly her eyes opened and (Y/N) found herself on the cold hard floor, while the morning sun shone brightly across her beautiful form. Her look wandered to Katakuri's vivre card and let her quickly got up from the floor. Weakly she made her way out onto the corridor and walked straight to the only person, who could help her right now. Pushing his office door open, (Y/N) was relieved to see Oven at his desk, but not only him. Brulee, Daifuku and other siblings were discussing something on high alert.

"What are you talking Oven! We have to leave immediately.", Brulee shouted pissed and smacked the table out of anger.

"Brulee! Don't get the wrong idea, I want to go too, but think about it. We have no chance. It would lead us into our despair! First Mama would never allow us to leave whole cake unprotected. Second there are sure High ranked Admirals. Do you believe that running in our death would help?", he growled back pissed and the next moment he fell silent after noticing (Y/N) 's presence at the door. Brulee turned around and shut her mouth bitterly after looking down to the beautiful woman.

In an instant (Y/N) could see by their shocked and uneasy expressions that they sure had some news about Katakuri.

(Y/N) didn't need to ask anything. Since Katakuri left, it was the main topic of their talks, the moment she stepped into his office. Oven was still progressing what he heard from the daily news. His whole body was a trembling mess. And out of all people (Y/N) came into his office. The only person he wished to avoid at all costs. How should he explain his brother's situation? How should he tell her that she was losing him?

"Good morning (Y/N)… There are no news. We are just discussing something important.", he lied bitterly to get time to think. Brulee and the others gave her a pitful look full of sadness. Narrowing her eyes about his awful try to lie, she watched his struggling. Sighing deeply about the fact that he really tried to hide information, she stepped before his desk with a serious expression.

"Tell me Oven. What's going on with my husband.", she spoke with pleading eyes. The look which always took his soft spot. Frustrated he avoid her strong gaze and stayed by his words to know nothing new. He just couldn't tell her. It was so unbelievable. It couldn't be real. (Y/N) could see how he was fighting with his inner self. He seemed helpless and it let herself get a shaken mess of fear. Brulee brushed through her hair in a lovingly manner, while tears brickled at the corner of her eyes.

"I know that Katakuri is in trouble….", (Y/N) started and placed her husband's vivre card on his desk. Confused he looked down and gave the piece of paper a closer look. After noticing the burning end and the powerful presence of his brother everyone gasp of shock.

" That's.. That's his vivre card. You have Katakuri's vivre card?", he spoke  surprised and took it in his hands like a trophy.

"And most of it is still intact.. That's a good sign more or less in his situation..", he blurted out and stopped in his tracks after feeling (Y/N) 's strong look. He knew it would break her. And he knew that she had to face the awful truth sooner or later. Meeting her gaze he got up from his seat and walked around his desk to reach her side. His moves alone worsened her terrible feeling. Taking her hands she couldn't stop the tears to fall.

"(Y/N)… We heard from the early news that Katakuri got caught by the marines."

Gasping she could imagine what this meant for her husband. Oven hugged her small form and rubbed her back in a comforting manner.

"He is alive but … They will bring him to the marineford base G-1 and lock him away, till he will be… God damn it… Executed.", he spoke seriously and bite his lip of hearing the desperate cry of (Y/N).

"No… No…this isn't true..please we have to help him… ",she cried and fell onto her knees.

"(Y/N).. There is nothing we can do..", he spoke frustrated and had to surpress his own tears.

"But Oven… We can't just do nothing..there has to be a way.", Flambe cried bitterly beside (Y/N) and hugged her tightly. It was the first time that she was this close to her. But that wasn't important. Nothing was important right now. Only her husband was on her mind.

" Flambe… I already told you. What should we do? We are known pirates. Leaving the territory and attacking the marineford would be the death of us. There are Admirals out there, which are more than dangerous…and more than happy to kill one Charlotte after another. And whole cake would get attacked as well if we leave it unprotected. Plus Mama would be furious if we just leave everything behind and go… We already suffer from her punishment…", Oven spoke frustrated.

" I have to agree. It seems that we have to face our big brothers death… ", Daifuku spoke with a blank expression. The others gasp of his words and were shaken.

(Y/N) fell silent. Her look was focused onto the floor. Her whole body felt numb, while her mind was racing. She knew that things seemed helpless, but what was her life worth anymore without the man she loved? The answer was simple. Nothing. She would rather die while trying to save him, than giving up in the first place. But how? What could she do?

"Then let me go..", she whispered coldly.

Shocked everyone's look fell on (Y/N) while Oven took her hands to get her attention.

"(Y/N) what are you talking about? It's way too dangerous out there. You have no ability to fight. And there is no way that you will be able to get inside this place.", he tried to get her back to her senses, but her angered look let him stop.

" How do you know? Compared to you and everyone else here in this room, I am a person with no bounty on my head.", she shot back and took him off guard.

" But (Y/N) you are still a Charlotte. You are married to Katakuri.. This made you a pirate as well.. ", Brulee tried to cut in.

"Yeah and? Even if they know that. It was a political marriage. I am not a Charlotte by blood and did nothing wrong.", she spoke seriously. Looking into their surprised faces she knew that she got a point.

"I can't go on without him. I can't. Please give me a ship with a small team and let me sail to Katakuri. Even if they kill me with him. He won't be alone. I would be by his side. It's better than endure this nightmare here without doing anything..", she spoke frustrated and let the others cry of the thought to lose her too.

Suddenly a loud clash echoed through the room. Gasping they looked to Oven who broke his desk with a powerful punch in two.

"Stop it now (Y/N). It's enough. You will stay here.", he shouted and let everyone fell silent.

"Katakuri wouldn't want that. He wants you to be safe. I promised him to keep an eye on you, not letting you go to kill yourself. Those marines are bastards. You can't imagine what they are able to do. Just give up already. ", he watched her crying form bitterly.

Getting her husband's vivre card she left his office without another word and ran full speed back to her room. Smashing the door shut she pressed her body against the door and cried out desperately. Frustrated she grabbed a backpack and pushed everything she was able to inside. Never would she accept that. Never would she let him get through this alone. She had to be by his side.

"Oven…was that really necessary to shout at her.?", Brulee asked angered. Sighing deeply he gave his sister an annoyed look.

"Now I know why Katakuri was so restless all the time. She is way too reckless with her life."

"She loves him…"

Brulee's words took him off guard and let him fell silent. It pained his heart that (Y/N) had to go through that, but what should he do? God damn it he would gladly go on a rampage at the marine base. For a moment no one dared to say something.

"She won't run away or will she?", Daifuku cut through the uncomfortable situation and got everyone's attention. Eyes widened Brulee rushed out to get to (Y/N) 's room, which looked like it exploded. Clothes and other items were scattered across the floor, but the most important thing was that Katakuri's wife was nowhere to be found. The others catched up with their sister and looked into the empty room shocked.

"Quick look for her. She sure is on the way to the bay!", Oven shouted and everyone started to look for their beloved sister in law.

(Y/N) knew that they would soon find out about her leaving and sure would look for her by the ships. Hiding in her bath tube she slowly got out and left her room as well. Her silent steps reached the cellar of whole cake chateau.

" Luckily Pudding showed me everything in our free time.", (Y/N) whispered relieved and stopped before a bookshelf. Getting a key out of one of the many books, she thought that maybe Pudding did that on purpose that she would have a possibility to leave if something would happen. Like her current situation.

Opening a big double door (Y/N) stopped before Mama's special submerge candy I. Pudding showed her the high tech vehicle which looked like a big bonbon. The main room was the center, while the ends of the candy was used for the motors. Quickly she jumped in and get herself ready. It wasn't surprising that it was full of high tech equipment. There was everything she needed for this troublesome journey before her. A computer with a map, a small sleeping place, utensils to get herself cleaned up and even a bag with a high amount of bonbons and other sweets to eat. A pink bag got her attention with a familiar handwriting on it. With the words "use wisely" (Y/N) gave it a closer look. There were different colored balls inside and a small note.

"(Y/N) if you find these, then it means that you are in trouble and have to leave whole cake. I swore to myself that if Katakuri isn't there that I will look over you. This underwater ship is the fastest one of Mama's and the map shows you every route you want. The pink ball is a healing bonbon. It is able to heal your body in an instant. The blue ones are for supporting your body and strength. Use them wisely in need. Please be safe out there till Mama got back to her senses and Katakuri is by your side again.

Pudding. "

Gasping she felt a tear roll down her face. It really was on purpose if she got in trouble with Mama. Balling her fists motivated (Y/N) started the engine and tapped the name of the marine base into the computer. In an instant it showed her through a navigation system where to go. (Y/N) was grateful for the hours of lessons about maps and geography back then as a child. It always was annoying and boring, but now more than useful for her.

With full speed she left the chateau through the underground and quickly reached the open sea.

"Master Oven, servants heard some ruckus from the Underground.", some servants called out and let him froze in the spot.

"This can't be!!"

Getting back to whole cake with full speed they were watching the scene with horror.

"She took Mama's submarine ship!!!!", Oven and the others shouted shocked.

"How on earth was she able to do that! No one is allowed to touch it. It's her most expensive and loved ship!", Brulee cried terrifyed, while Pudding smiled weakly.

"Pudding? Did you….", Oven growled pissed, but stopped after seeing her tears.

"How unfortunate. How could she find the keys?", she awfully lied and left the others heartbroken. There was nothing they could do now. No ship would be able to reach her in time. And it would only cause her more trouble if they follow her and get everyone's attention.

" Please (Y/N)…. Don't die.."

xxx

At that very moment a horrible feeling washed over Katakuri's body, but he hadn't the time to think about it. Beaten up badly he was transported to the marineford and pushed before the doors. His wounded body met the dirty ground. Blood trickled down his forehead and let his vision got blurry. The doors opened and a tall figure stepped before his awful state. Gasping was heard and he noticed the marines around him bowing before this man.

"What do we have here…Finally we got someone from the Charlotte clan… On top a sweet general. A very known general I have to add.", the man spoke in a mocking tone. Lifting his head he was met with the intimating aura of Admiral Akainu.

"Admiral Akainu. It's a pleasure to meet you. It's a honor that you come all the way here for this scum.", Leutnant Zotto spoke frightened.

"Sure I had to see with my very own eyes that he is now in our hands. Good job Leutnant. I will think of a reward for your brave action.", he spoke and let the man smile brightly of proudness. Bowing respectfully Leutnant Zotto stepped aside to give his superior enough space. The Admiral got before the big mom pirate and watched his wounded body amused.

"How is it going Katakuri Charlotte? The man with the highest bounty. I hope you enjoyed your travel."

"Skip this nonsense and come to the point.", Katakuri spoke angered and watched the man without any fear, while the others gasped of his rudeness.

Chuckling he heated up his hand with his devil fruit power and slowly pressed it onto his back to push him down to the dirt. Gasping of the immense pain on his back he growled frustrated.

"We will have much fun together. After hearing the news I came all the way here to see you, Charlotte brat. I won't give you the pleasure to die here and now. You will talk. Tell us everything we want till we are satisfied. Then maybe I give you the sweet release of dying.", he spoke with a smirk, while Katakuri growled pissed.

" Don't waste your time. I will never betray my family and tell you bastards anything.", he spoke coldy and got another hurtful touch of the Admiral.

" We will see… We have all time in the world. "

[chdal]

❛🍰˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ @towardspring

dal-rae could barely see the ground in front of her as she walked aimlessly within the forest. the moon was a waning crescent and though the light it gave was a sharper white when it shined on mabeob (or so dal-rae thought), it did little to guide her as the leaves and other foliage was simply too thick to allow moonbeams pass through. instead she walked on careful feet, weight shifted towards the soles and one placed directly in front of the other to prevent a tumble. she was unsure how long she wandered before the lanterns the shrine maidens placed along pathways made there way into her sight. she hasn't felt particularly unsafe in the woods without them but respite from the inky blackness that seemed to try and swallow her whole pulled a sigh thick with a mixture of sadness and relief from her lips.

nights like these were a rarity for her as she had used centuries of living to push negative emotions down and out, refusing to acknowledge, let alone process, anything that made her insides feel withered and poisoned. she wasn't made for grief or reminiscing. she was meant for the now and to be full of life. she thought about what brought her to the forest as her eyes were glued to the stone path. she had had a nightmare, one that wasn't made up by her brain. no, it was a very real memory she thought she had tucked deep enough to avoid and waking from it had her heart pounding against her chest with her clothes clinging against her from a cold sweat. she felt as if there wasn't enough oxygen in the room as she clung desperately to her bed, as if the fabric between her fingers would keep her from falling into a pit of despair at the memory.

she had tried, fitfully, to get back to sleep but the memory waited just behind her eyes every time she thought sleep might be near now she hoped nature would chase away her sorrows and the garden was currently locked behind a gate and chains, chains she had insisted on the forest was the next best option and she knew it would be the only way to soothe her soul available for hours so there she was, wandering alone in the dark like a fool.

she heard the creature before she saw anything. it didn't help that her gaze was unfocused and wary but it would've been difficult to spot in the dim lantern light regardless as it seemed to be flat on its side. heavy breathing tinged with a wet sound filled her ears and then mingled with a high pitched wine. something was in pain, that much was clear. the labored breathing grew louder as she tried to locate the source of the sound and inched closer in the direction she thought it came from. she was shocked enough to pull a gasp from her lips to see a cream colored wolf. she clasped hands over her mouth to try to stifle anymore sound from escaping her as she fought an internal battle. she wanted to help the creature but it was obviously in distress and she wasn't sure how it'd react in its injured state. wild animals typically did poorly being manhandled in the best of circumstances.

she closed her eyes, a silent prayer circling through her head as she made her decision. she walked closer to the wolf, her footsteps even more delicate than they had been when she feared harm. she reached out, her usually steady hand shaking and hesitant, to give the wolf a gentle stroke so as not to startle it out of the blue. she was certain it has likely already heard and smelled her but she knew caution was her friend. "I don't know if you can hear me, understand me, but we need to get you out of here. and fast, before whatever did this thinks about coming back. just...just give me some kind of sign if you can understand me. please." she was desperate and her tone was rushed and breathless. there was deep magic in the forest and she knew others wandered them. if this was anything besides a regular wolf she owed it to them to try something.

[sunspray-peak]

Ch. 13: Quiet

SATURDAY - SPRING 27

It had seemed like forever ago when Emily had invited Achilles to her birthday party at the saloon—in fact, despite jotting it down in his planner, in his present condition, he would have forgotten about it completely had it not been for Shane. 

The three days following the Flower Festival had been rough, to say the least. Desperate to find something to do, to plan a new project—or, at the very least, brainstorm a list of things to do Next (with a capital “N”)—he had plunged himself into “work.”

And by “work,” he really meant (if he were actually honest with himself) immaterial, made up chores to ward off the restlessness barging at the gates of his antsy brain. At this point, Achilles could have likely won Zuzu’s annual Home & Garden Landscaping contest with how polished his grandpa’s old property was. But although Achilles firmly believed there was always room for improvement, in this specific scenario, one could only realistically polish something so much before it reached its maximum shine. 

Somewhat unsurprisingly, his anxiety could see through the sham of odd tasks and disingenuous jobs—it didn’t matter how many DIY shelving tutorials he watched or how often he scrubbed the floors. How many times he moved the garden gnome or how many one-sided conversations he was having with the junimos, who were now visiting him with increasing frequency.

Or perhaps he really was now going mad. 

With each day, he could feel that itchiness, that irritating, antsy static, begin to creep further and further into his skull. The voices in his head asking asking over and over and over again, louder and louder What’s next what’s next what’s next? The only thing that managed to keep it somewhat at bay was his morning jog, which was becoming increasingly longer with each day. Didn’t someone on some TV show once say that, really, as long as they kept moving and kept their mind occupied at all times, they would avoid falling into the bottomless pit of despair? Well it was true, although for Achilles it was more anxiety right now than depression. 

He had even considered braving his anti-group-fitness-stance and heading back to Zuzu for another class at Orange Grove for this very reason (well, among others)—it would give him something to focus on. But with the commute time, he just couldn’t make his mind see it as immediately “productive” in the wider scheme of things, as stupid as he knew this was. But anxiety wasn’t logical and thus, he abandoned the plans. Besides, Alex didn’t need to see him sweaty and anxious… 

So instead, he had continued to invite Shane over for breakfast, under the pretense that he was simply getting farming advice to pass on to prospective buyers. But he knew in his heart it was mostly just another flimsy excuse, especially as he found his jittery self lulled by the man’s silently sullen disposition into chattering at length on nonsense completely unrelated to farms. 

“You wanna come to Emily’s party tomorrow night? I don’t think she’ll care if I invite you, just sounds like you need a distraction,” Shane had finally grunted, which honestly was the politest way Shane had ever asked somebody to shut up. 

“Hmm? Oh—yes.” Achilles had taken the hint, gulping down the elderflower soda he was now somewhat addicted to (he did not provide Shane beer anymore, although that hadn’t stopped the man from bringing his own) to give his mouth something to do besides talk. “She actually invited me.” 

“Huh. Even better. Now I won’t get in trouble.” 

Fuck. He had forgotten. But hey, a real something-to-do, if a relatively quick one. After scouring the internet, he had put in a call to his mother who had in turn gotten her contacts to overnight Emily’s gift, which he delicately wrapped in periwinkle tissue paper. 

And so that was how he started his penultimate night in Stardew Valley. It was to be a long one. Standing in the living room, tapping his foot a mile a minute, barely comprehending a word of Joseph Queen’s latest novel, and rubbing circles into his wrist as he fidgeted with the gift bag handle, all while waiting for 7:30 to arrive. 

*****

But at a certain point waiting became too hard and, eager to do something instead of sitting around the immaculately clean farmhouse, he had decided to leave for the saloon early and simply take the long way to town, through Cindersap. It was an unusually cool evening, fresh and breezy, and no signs of rain, thank Yoba. 

He bumped into Leah, dressed for the weather in a beanie and a spritely green jacket that reminded him a bit of his garden gnome. 

“Hey there.” She nodded at the gift bag in his hands. “Going to Emily’s? What’d you get her?” 

Achilles shoved his ear pods into his windbreaker and handed the bag to Leah who promptly removed the tissue paper and peered inside. “Nothing much, to be honest, I wasn’t quite sure what she’d like.” 

“Nothing much?” Leah had stopped, one hand balancing seven spools of thread, the bag, and the tissue paper Achilles had so particularly arranged; the other holding up a 12 pack of markers. “Achilles, these are Tannics.” 

Achilles’ nose twitched. You idiot. An oversight—of course Leah, as an artist, would recognize the brand. What to do… He chose to downplay.

“Ah, they’re the brand my mom uses and Emily’s a fan of her work. I just figured they’d be good.” 

Leah returned the items to the bag, stuffing the paper unceremoniously on top, and they resumed their walk. “‘Figured they’d be good…’ They’re the best. That pack must’ve been $70—and you yourself just said you barely know Emily.”  

“I didn’t say I ‘barely know’ her, we’re friendly—” 

“You pretty much implied it when you said you weren’t sure what she’d like. Who gets a $70 shot in the dark gift?” 

“She likes designing clothes, I grew up around fashion designers. What’s wrong with getting tools you know are nice? At least I know she’ll put them to good use.” Achilles tone was growing sharp as the ants in the back of his brain began to wake at the rumblings of a row. He took a deep breath through his nose, flexing his fingers in attempt to calm himself and the incoming anxiety.

She whipped her red braid over her shoulder and half-shoved the bag back into Achilles’ hands. “Yoba… must be nice…” 

Achilles knew she wanted him to respond, he could feel her eyes on him as they walked, but he resolutely bit back his tongue. He knew it was nice—to have money, to come from money—of course it was nice. 

“Explains a lot, really. Your mom’s in fashion, your dad’s in television, and Elliott says you were a writer before all this?” 

A short, rather jerky nod. “Wasn’t for me. More of a… hobby, I suppose.” 

“Hmm. Must be nice…” 

He took another deep breath. Just one foot in front of the other…

“For sure. I’m very lucky and exceedingly grateful to my parents, I doubt I would be here without them.” 

“Yeah… but you don’t really get it, do you? You know, just… being able to quit your day job and get the fuck out of town for a season to just do something you’ve never done before for shits and giggles? You’re going to, what, sell the new farm for a cool couple million, and then what are you going to do after that? What’s your plan?” 

Achilles new it would be better to stay silent, but the mere presence of ants in his brain was a reminder of the truth, and the words spilled out before he could bite them back. 

“I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know.” Leah shook her head—was she merely irritated or incensed?—and flipped her  braid to her other shoulder. “The fact that you can say that is just… so fucking unbelievably crazy to me. That there’s a world where people just… don’t know. People who don’t need to know.

“Writing didn’t work out for you long term—like you said, it was a hobby, sure, so you went into corporate, and clearly that wasn’t for you either, so you just… moved on to the next thing. 

“Art isn’t just a hobby for me. For Elliott. For Emily. It’s not something we can just abandon and pick up or move on from without a plan. To be able to just… take a break? We don’t have something to fall back on. We have to worry about our literal survival.” 

“Leah, I bought Emily some nice markers for her birthday. That’s it.” Achilles struggled to keep his voice even, even as Leah’s had rose in urgency. “I’m sorry, but I just don’t understand what you want me to say.” 

But even as he said it, as he heard Leah’s sharp inhale as she geared up for the next round, he knew there was nothing she wanted from him, specifically. This was a vent, it was clear as day, and unlucky timing for Achilles, he seemed to have been the unlucky trigger of it all. 

“I just… to be able to blow $70 on somebody you barely know without a second thought while the rest of us are choosing between next week’s groceries and tools… ”  

The pseudo, and mostly one-sided, argument carried them to the saloon where, as politely as he could, he excused himself to the restroom as Leah all-too-gladly made her way to the room Emily had reserved. 

It was a private stall, thank goodness. He stumbled over to the mirror, his hands grasping the sides of the porcelain sink. The gift bag swayed, again chafing his wrist as he leaned into the cold water flowing from the faucet. 

He hated not knowing, he hated the unknown, he had done everything in his power to never have to feel that way for the past six years—but he couldn’t tell that to Leah because the truth was, in the grand scheme of things, it was fine that he didn’t know. That he didn’t have next steps planned, that he wasn’t thinking about making next month’s rent or next week’s groceries. 

He hadn’t had to use his parent’s money since he was 19—that was something he could confidently say. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t, if he needed it—and he knew his parents would help him in half a heartbeat if it ever came to that. And despite what Perry had insisted, Achilles had known that his last name had gotten him his agent much faster than it would’ve taken someone whose father wasn’t the show runner for primetime’s longest running procedural. 

In a way, the pressure of his parents’ success and the career expectations they had unintentionally set were likely what was feeding his next step anxiety. It wasn’t anything his parents had demanded from him, not at all, they had always been nothing but supportive, and for that, he knew he was lucky. But he had always been haunted by the pressure to make a name for himself, to achieve a level of public notoriety, much like his mother and father had. And for most of his life, that idea had constantly sent him running down the road trying to commit fully to all sorts of different projects to find something that he wanted—or, at least, was “supposed” to want. 

The realtor was coming tomorrow, and from his copious research he had deduced the farm wouldn’t stay on the market for long. So really, what was next? Looking back, this “excursion” to Stardew Valley was always going to be a temporary thing. The clock had really been ticking the moment he had quit BRLO and left Hyacinthia. He had just refused to listen to it. 

*****

When he eventually found his way to Emily’s reserved room, he had nearly succumbed to the ants crawling in his head, to the voices penetrating his mind, to the coldness that was seeping into his core, and as he took his third, his fourth, and his fifth shot, he told himself the only way to win this mental battle was to drown them out. 

“Are you all right?” 

The voice, soft but firm, managed to pierce the warm haze of alcohol. There was a hand at his back—Alex, of course, they had been next to each other most of the evening. 

“Yeah, why?” he murmured. He was fine. Totally fine. Better than some of the other folks here, right? His eyes searched wildly for the Shane, desperate to prove to himself that there was someone, always someone, worse off than he was. 

But instead, he found Shane somehow laughing, his hands clasping what must’ve been his sixth beer of the night, sandwiched between Emily and a pink-haired woman who had introduced herself as Sandy. Did anyone in this damn town have a natural hair color… 

Achilles glowered, but forced himself to quickly recover—this was a party, he couldn’t be upset. 

Someone—maybe it was Leah—broke out a deck of cards. 

Why not? he thought to himself, pulling up a seat to join the game. You’re good at these things… 

Not good enough, it seemed. He lost—fast, too. And while he forced himself to laugh (get the stick out of your ass, what will people think), inside, he cursed himself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. So tight he was gripping the handle of his drink that his fingerpads had grown numb against the chilled glass.  

God, why do you care so much about a stupid fucking game. Stop. Just stop. Get yourself together. 

Someone made a joke. He laughed. Someone told a story. He asked questions. Someone stood to leave. He stood to say goodbye, and immediately the world tilted. 

Fuck. It had been six years since he had been drunk, it must have snuck up on him. But it was fine, he just needed a minute… or twenty… 

“Achilles, are you ok? I’m sorry about what I said earlier.” 

He looked up. It wasn’t Alex after all, but Leah. Or perhaps, it had been Alex earlier, and now it was Leah? How much time had passed? 

She took a seat next to him—where had she been sitting before? 

“Achilles, come on, I said I was sorry…” 

He mumbled something indecipherable. 

“Come on, man, let’s get you back.” 

Someone was taking his arm, but he shrugged them off. He was fine, he could still walk for Yoba’s sake… 

“Happy birthday, Emily!” he said as he stood for the door, giving the willowy blue-haired girl a hug. 

“Thank you for coming, Achilles! And thank you so much for the gift, I can’t believe you’d do that for me, you’re amazing.” 

He smiled, glancing smugly at the figure waiting for him by the door—take that, Leah—and see, everything was fine. Emily probably didn’t even notice he was… buzzed. Well, maybe a little more than buzzed…

“Let’s get you some air…” 

In the dim lamplight outside the saloon, he could just barely make out the flash of a green jacket and red braid. Ugh. Really not who he wanted to be with right now, but he wasn’t in much condition to escape. 

He stumbled a bit, but her firm hand held him steady. He considered shaking off his arch-nemesis, as he was apt to calling Leah now as of three hours ago, but the world was already spinning enough, and he rested his eyes half-closed and let himself be guided along the path. She really must be feeling guilty. Not that anything she had said had been false, per se… 

Soon the crumbly cobblestone turned to sand, and whether it was the sudden drop in temperature or overwhelming smell of salt, he wasn’t sure, but he bent over and immediately began to dry heave. 

“Oh fuck.” 

The beach? Of all places… leave it to fucking Leah to choose here of all places… 

She dragged him into the water, despite Achilles’ protests, her hand rubbing his back as he vomited into the ocean. 

“I’m so sorry fish, I’m so sorry.” Achilles groaned. Fuck, he loathed the feeling of nausea, and watching the black tides churn under the weak moonlight only made him more dizzy. He stumbled backwards in the shallow water, trying to make for shore, but his stomach seized again and he had to close his eyes as he bent over to throw up, one hand begrudgingly flailing for Leah’s jacket for support. “The fish…” 

“It’s ok, I really don’t think they mind. But we could ask Willy if you—” 

“Hey now, what the fuck?” 

Achilles looked up from the spray and saw Alex standing next to him, jeans rolled up in the shin-high water. The letterman combined with the red scarf tied loosely around his neck—he must’ve mistaken it for Leah’s red braid. Wow. Perhaps he really was drunk. 

Dulled as his reflexes were now, he still managed to recover (with the darkness’ help) fairly swiftly from this stomach-flipping surprise.

“Better you than her,” Achilles grumbled while simultaneously waving him away. 

Achilles turned and sloshed his way back up shore and onto the boardwalk. The sturdy wood was steady beneath his feet, grounding him as he watched the waves through half-closed eyes. Lulled by their crash, he lay on his back, face up towards the half moon. 

“Hey, let’s get you back up, you don’t want to throw up and suffocate on your own vomit.” Alex was still there, apparently. 

“What the fuck, man?” 

“Sorry, I… saw that on TV once.” 

Achilles managed to clamber back up onto his elbows before painstakingly lifting himself to sit at the edge of the boardwalk. He leaned his head against the post as Alex took a seat next to him. A water bottle was in his hands, as well as a small bag of crackers. 

They sat in silence. Achilles likely would’ve fallen asleep had his doze not been punctuated by two more bouts of vomiting. It splattered grossly into the water ten feet below. The sound really only made Achilles more nauseas… but at least Alex seemed unbothered. Oh, but the fish… 

A half hour after the the second attack, when it seemed like Achilles’ stomach (and most of his mind) had settled, Alex handed him the water and crackers. 

He had little energy to refuse—it was getting colder and he was shivering—and so he accepted it wordlessly, taking a long sip after wiping off the salty spray that had accumulated on the cap. The pressure in his head was building, a dull thrum beating rhythmically with his heart. 

After a minute, he closed his eyes and once again rested his head against the wooden post. Even with nothing to see, he could still feel the world spin. 

In a forced conversational tone, Achilles broke the silence. 

“Well. This has been an embarrassing evening, and I pray thee, never speak of it to me again. Please send dear Emily my deepest apologies for ruining her party. She shall never have to see my face again, for I depart with the Spring.” 

From somewhere on his left, he heard a dry chuckle. 

“You didn’t ruin her party, don’t give yourself too much credit. She probably didn’t even notice— it’d take more than one drunk little man to ruin Emily’s mood. I mean, she’s friends with Shane after all, isn’t she? Besides, if it makes you feel better, half the people there were more wasted than you…” 

And yet he was the only one Alex had chosen to help? Achilles bit back a lazy smile, though Alex wouldn’t have been able to see it in the dark anyway. The sharp pain in his lip helped clear his drunken cloud for just a second.

Eh. Maybe Achilles had just seemed the most pathetic. That was the more likely scenario. 

You dumb, drunk bastard…  

“Can I lie on my back now?” 

“Do you think you’ll throw up again?” 

“No.” 

“Hmm. I’ll allow it.” 

Achilles bit back another laugh as he collapsed backwards. He was still lightheaded—a peculiar sensation against the incoming migraine—but he loved clouds, and those currently illuminated by the moon were traveling slower than the waves. As he tracked their movement, the world began to slow back to its usual speed. A dull thump announced Alex had lain down as well. 

“You’re going to have a wicked hangover tomorrow, my friend.” 

“Fuck…” Tomorrow. Somewhere between the fifth and sixth shot, he had somehow forgotten. He rubbed his eyes, tempering his groan into a sigh. “Realtor is coming tomorrow morning.” 

“So you’re really going to sell the place?” 

Achilles turned and could just make out Alex’s face peering at his. If he reached out, he could probably just barely touch him, a few feet or so away he was. Instead, he faced the sky again. 

“I’ve been saying it all season, you didn’t think I’d commit?” 

“I just… I guess we all hoped you’d change your mind.” 

Achilles sighed through his nose. “I don’t know what else to do.” 

And suddenly, there it was—the burn surging up his neck, the sting behind his eyes, the lump in his throat. But he refused to cry. He loathed crying—especially in front of other people—so he bit it back as he bit his tongue, stubbornly, mechanically, again using the pain to keep control. But the pressure was too much, and while he successfully fought to keep back tears, words broke through his damn, spewing out in an explosive rush. 

“I didn’t know what to do after I decided I’d stop writing. It was very abrupt. The decision, that is. 

“I thought I had had my life all figured out at 17. Sure, I started in kiddie lit, but I had it all planned out—I had mapped out stories for the next decade, I’d make the jump to real shit before 25, get a film adaptation, maybe win a Pulitzer. Yeah, I know how that sounds. Listen, I was young, dumb, arrogant, and ambitious. Great combanation. 

“Obviously, that didn’t happen… like I said, the decision to stop was… sudden, to say the least. I wasn’t prepared for it. 

“I went to BRLO, eventually, of course. But the year in between—when I was trying to figure what the fuck I was going to do next—was, I think, the worst fucking year of my life.” 

Achilles paused to swallow the catch in his throat. He was sure even the smallest voice crack would invite sympathy, and that was not at all what he wanted. Taking a deep, and only slightly shaky, breath, he continued. 

“And I’m scared it’s going to happen again. The situations aren’t… identical… but they’re similar enough that even just thinking about tomorrow, about what’s supposed to be next, I just want to scream. I don’t what else to do.” 

 It was Alex who broke the brief silence. 

“You once told me you came to Stardew for a fresh start—” 

Achilles cut him off with a scoff.  “And a start was all it was ever destined to be, see that’s my whole fucking problem here. I didn’t leave BRLO with a real plan. And I… I need a plan. 

“You know, I don’t even know what in the world I was trying to achieve at all coming here. The cover of Better Gnomes and Farmin’? Let’s be honest, as I’ve already been reminded this evening, I don’t need whatever money the farm is going to bring in. Looking back, the farm was never going to lead to anything, at least, not anything worthwhile, not anything particularly noteworthy. The farm just… is. 

“I couldn’t admit it to myself until these past few days, but coming here—it was always a distraction. A pretty good one, I’ll admit it, but a distraction all the same to keep myself from, I don’t know, going insane. But cleaning up a farm was never going to keep this feeling at bay forever. There was always an expiration date. This was always inevitable.” 

 He paused again, this time to lightly lick his pointer finger. He had rubbed it raw tracing it against the damp grain of the dock.

“Would you ever consider going back? To BRLO?” 

Achilles snorted. “BRLO… I hated it there from the moment I arrived. But I refused to believe it. I told myself, you’re 23 can you really not handle a 9-5 job? Look at all the other people in the world that have to do it, how pathetic are you? And it was better than doing nothing. So I stayed. 

“To be honest though, looking back, it was probably exactly what I needed after everything with Apparition. The stability of just something… linear, something always present, something I was actually good at, that I could focus on.”

Achilles shut his eyes and paused to chew somberly on a bit of cracker. Alex said nothing. 

“But, as I said, I hated it. I had jumped into bed with something I knew I didn’t love, but by the time I finally let myself take a step back and see the bigger picture, it was too late to just… let myself let go. All sunk costs, sure, but… still.

“You know, I was the youngest executive BRLO had ever had in 50 some years? I won two CLIOs.” 

It felt hollow to say that. He had worked hard, that was indisputable—too hard, really. It was a title he had achieved mostly because he had been willing to give up any semblance of a personal life. Nevertheless, he had always liked titles. Like awards, he found them to be more tangible measurements of success. 

“And how many people actually love their jobs anyway? How many people are actually doing something they want to be doing? That’s what I kept asking myself, day in and day out of pitches and brainstorms. I thought, maybe, if I just really… dove into it all, really committed, I’d eventually find something that I liked. Just something to latch on to that would help make all my success there taste more sweet than bitter. 

“So I just digging myself deeper and deeper into this hole in the hopes that somewhere at the bottom I’d find… something.

“Some people have epiphanies. You hear about those lightbulb moments where they’re sitting in their office and just suddenly realize they’re being crushed by the burden of modern life, they realize they’re spirit is fading, that this isn’t the future life their six year old self had envisioned and they needed to drop everything now and head for the hills that are calling for them and become a farmer and be one with nature. 

“I didn’t have that. That… yearning for something else. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted it—I mean, I still want it, a sign, anything, to just point me in the right direction of what the fuck to do—but I didn’t have it.

“No. I think I just hit a wall one day. Finally hit the bottom of that hole, I guess, and saw that there was nothing there. There had never been anything there. I had a title. I had money. I was doing shit. But I didn’t want it.” 

And how privileged it was that you could just leave. And here you are… ready to do it again. 

“And so I turned in my two weeks notice, and that was it. Leaving was all push for me, no pull.” 

He had eaten all the crackers and was now thumbing the bag between his numb fingers. Alex hadn’t said a word. Perhaps he had fallen asleep. Achilles wouldn’t have blamed him. Nevertheless, the floodgates were wide open now. He kept going. 

“If I had learned anything from BRLO it was that there’s no sustainability in hate. I know it’s obvious. And I know it’s stupid and selfish and entitled, but it’s why I was so against farming, against those fucking strawberry seeds, I didn’t want to waste another six years going down a path that was doomed from the start. I hate worms, Alex. I hate them. 

“I loved writing. I did. And when I switched to advertising, well—I wanted to want to love it. So, so badly, you don’t even know, I think that’s why I was trying so hard. Diving in all the way, full commitment to things, it’s... it’s important, because how else can you make adequate progress? How else can you maximize what you’re trying to achieve? 

“But I think at some point in my life, it became difficult for me to distinguish between being busy and being content. I learned you can’t force how you feel. There’s no sustainability in artificiality either.

“I’ve always just wanted to do something important. Like my parents, just be someone… have an impact, a real impact. Is that pathetic? Probably. Maybe I don’t deserve it.” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Anyway, I don’t know why I ever thought I’d find whatever that is out here painting farmhouses. Regardless, whatever it was, that’s all done anyway, and now I’m at an even bigger loss of what to do because I still don’t know what the fuck is next and I’m… tired.” 

Achilles stopped. The only sound he heard was his own breath, rapid and weary and, he hated having to admit it to himself, whiny. For a few minutes, all was quiet. Perhaps Alex really had fallen asleep… but then—

“Why don’t you just stay?” 

“I just said I’m never going to farm—”

“Well, you don’t have to farm. You just said you don’t need money. You can just… stay. And, I don’t know, wait—”

“—fuck no, waiting is the last thing I want to do. You can’t just wait around and count on success finding its way to you, and besides, I don’t do well with waiting, and I don’t do well with quiet, and that’s two things this Valley’s got going for it. 

“The city—and I mean, the real city, not like Zuzu—it’s loud, it’s fast, it’s always demanding something from you, and I think all that chaos, all those distractions… some people find it draining, but the horns and the yelling and the sirens, I found it all comforting, I think it helped me… focus? Commit? Helped sideline those voices in all our heads that ask us, what else is there? What more could you be doing? What more should you be doing? 

“The Valley here, it’s so quite. So, so, quiet, you all may call it calming, but to me it’s maddening. There’s just too much empty space; anxiety and dread, they thrive here, and it’s like they’re pushing me out. I don’t feel comfortable, I don’t feel welcome.” 

“Everyone here likes you though. Do you not like us?” 

Achilles rubbed his eyes again until he saw double the number of stars in the sky. “It’s not the people that’s the issue. It’s, I don’t know what you want me to say, the general environment? There’s just… not enough here. Just all the voices in my head that are now free to take center stage and tell me that I’m nobody. Let’s be real, Alex, why am I even here? What am I doing here? Nothing. 

“I mean, who knows, maybe I’m just burnt out, and that’s the real reason I’ve felt like shit. But at 27? Again, that’s so incredibly pathetic. And yet somehow, I still feel like I’m running out of time. 

“My parents are so, so passionate about their work, and they’re both so good at what they do—both their careers have long grown to something beyond them now in society. And they both started when they were way younger than I am now, and for them to be so incredibly successful for so long, and here I am just… I don’t know.” 

“You really don’t think you’ve succeeded at anything?” 

“Not in a way that means anything.” 

Achilles immediately regretted snapping at Alex—it was rude, and the kid didn’t deserve it. Needlessly aggressive, much like Leah had been earlier that evening… in fact, Leah’s own words were now pounding in his head, and, after a beat, Achilles continued in a more meditative tone. 

“What do we do with our lives when we don’t have to worry about our survival? What do we choose to do? To work towards? What motivates us? I have money, fuck, Alex, I have so much money. I’m well aware I’m exceedingly lucky to be in a position where I don’t ever have to do anything I don’t want to do for the rest of my life. But I still want to do something. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to want to do anymore.” 

Achilles paused again, wishing he could take back the words, words that reeked of entitlement and privilege. But he attempted a wan joke instead. 

“I know what you’re thinking. Poor little rich girl, what does she know about misery?” 

He tore his gaze from the clouds and glanced towards Alex, but his quote received only a blank stare. 

“Titanic?” 

“…the boat?”

“What—no, the movie. Jimmy Cameron?”

“Haven’t seen it.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Grandpa always said it was for women.” 

“For women—?” 

“Have you ever thought about writing again? You said you loved it…”

“You promised me you wouldn’t ask that.”

“Hey now, I don’t remember saying promise…” 

“I had wanted to be a writer since I was quite young. I was lucky—in a number of ways—to have briefly found success, and it turned into something bigger than me. But then I let it turn into something I did for me. I started listening to the wrong things, to the wrong people, the whole thing just… became selfish. I was selfish, Alex, I know I am. And that, I think, is why it failed. In the end.”

It wasn’t the only reason what had been admittedly quite a strong start to a career had been violently derailed, Achilles thought wryly. Some of the blame ought to go to a Mr. Eddie Bloomsbury—although, if he were really honest with himself, even the consequences of that had really just been rooted in his own selfishness and pride. 

Isn’t that what it all came back to in the end, though? His failed writing career. Staying at BRLO. Leaving BRLO. Even his absurdly intense dedication to fixing a farm he’d never call home. Sure, that was to keep himself busy, but was it also not partly motivated by a nagging self-interest, by his overwhelming preoccupation with controlling how the world perceived him? All in order to—hopefully—find and earn his place in some faraway spotlight. 

Regardless, wherever it was he was meant to be doing, he had surely taken 3 steps back with this silly little detour to Stardew Valley. He lay his hand over his chest, tight with unease, feeling his heart pound through the fabric of his windbreaker. Yoba, what was he supposed to do next… He thought back to his grandpa’s letter, the one that sent him to Stardew in the first place. Honor the family name… Bullshit, with every project he poured his heart and soul into, he still wasn’t on track to honor anything. 

“I think you should stay.” Alex’s voice was soft, but Achilles still jolted with a start. Nearly ten minutes had passed and he had been halfway to finally finding a minute of peace in sleep.  

“I know it’s probably not the same noise you’re used to, but I’ve never found the Valley to be all that quiet. I think you just have to learn to listen to a new kind of sound.” 

Achilles closed his weary eyes again, allowing Alex’s words to settle in the air for a minute before finding himself surrendering to their proposition. 

The soft buzz of the fireflies darting about the boardwalk. A cawing seagull or two, back from a late night snack above the roaring waves. Cattails rustling in the sea breeze. He could even just manage to make out Willy drunkenly bellowing late night sea shanties from his cabin, and maybe, if he listened really, really closely, he could hear Alex breathing. Soft, peaceful, steady. Calm. 

[axagar]

01/15/2023

hello, Tumblr. i have missed you dearly. when i deleted my account of like 8 years, i was heartbroken but have come back for another go. life has been weird lately and i need a place to vent in peace. to avoid names, we’ll just use LOML. the LOML is going through a lot and making rash decisions. she’s struggling and i just want to bear hug her and be like “everything is okay” but i am not who she wants. being in love with someone for three years with little slivers of hope may sound pathetic to pretty much anyone. the reason i am in love with her and have never stopped is because i understand why she does the things she does. i know no matter what happens, she loves me. i truly believe we will forever be in love, even if our crazies can’t mix. when we’re both doing good, we’re an unstoppable force. but the same applies for when we’re both spiraling, such as now. our spiraling drags each other further into the pit of despair. i don’t know how to help you. i don’t even know how to help myself. all i want is a reason to live again. i’ve lost hope of ever truly having her and us being together. and she’s my family. she’s the only true love i’ve had in my life. she’s the only person i can actually believe when they say they love me and care about me. everyone in my life makes me feel as though i am just a charity case. the way people act towards me, talk to me, treat me. everything. except for you. you just love me. you don’t make me feel like a burden. you’re the only person that i can be okay when you need space. with everyone else i feel like they’re trying to get away from me. i don’t know what to do anymore. everyone just keeps telling me to let go or move on but i can’t. i know we are meant to be. i will never fall out of love with her. i’ve tried to be with people and i just get consumed with guilt because i can’t stop thinking of her. everything i do makes me think of her. every little aspect of life relates back to her somehow in my mind, and she is always there. i would do anything to have our little family back. to wake up with you and mini you, wrapped in blankets in a cuddle puddle, and just peaceful. i miss falling asleep like your teddy bear. being the little spoon and wrapped up in your arms is the safest i’ve ever felt. you gave me a reason to wake up, a reason to be clean, a reason to get through school, a reason to eat healthy or even just feed myself in general. i have no one and nothing now. with an entire family that hates me and losing my friend group, even though they were shitty and fake, i have no one that even gives a fuck if i wake up in the morning. the loml is the only person that i feel like thinks about me throughout the day. but i am nothing and i’m probably just fading out of her mind. without her i have no one. what’s the point of being alive if you’re constantly alone? it’s suffocating being trapped in an apartment alone, no car or license, and no one to love you or even really talk to. it just feels pointless.

i’m sorry for my rant and welcome to my mf blog lmfao

[waternilly]

Don't Be Afraid of Being Hurt

Fandom: Harry Potter Ship: George Weasley x Reader (Gender, Race & House neutral) Word count: 1.5k Warnings: Angst (no happy ending, just angst) A/N at the end of the text

The Yule Ball was a time to celebrate, dance, sing, and enjoy life for everyone present. But to you, the Yule Ball was your worst nightmare. It had barely been sixteen days since you had your heart broken by the one person you never thought would be able to do this.

You had loved George Weasley dearly, although secretly. His mere presence in a room was enough to make it shine brighter. He always had the words to comfort you, to make you laugh, to change your mind. He gave the tightest bear hugs and the softest forehead kisses.

But it had all abruptly come to an end.

He had asked someone else out to the Yule Ball.

She had said yes.

Then you had been asked out by someone else.

And you had said yes too.

You had avoided him since, despite usually always being attached to his hip.

Now that the ball was mere hours away, you did not know what to do anymore. Would you have the strength to go, and face him? Would you even be able to enjoy yourself? All you could think about was George and this beautiful girl he had asked out slow dancing together. What a shame it would be for your date, and you, if you spent the entire night on the edge of a breakdown because of this.

Letting your head fall into an open book, you sighed deeply. The library was thankfully almost empty, so no one could see your despair. And even if they did, they could easily assume it regarded one homework or the other.

"You okay there?"

Looking up, you recognised Angelina, and smiled at her.

"Hey," you muttered.

She offered you a sympathetic smile and sat down in front of you.

"What's up?" she whispered.

"Nothing, I..."

You let out another deep sigh. How silly of you to lie. Who would buy that you were doing just fine? Especially not someone like Angelina, who was one of your closer friends.

"I'm just nervous about tonight," you explained.

"So is everyone else, you know?" she reassured you. "But we're gonna have a great time, okay? We both got a cute date, we have our friends and we're gonna look smoking hot."

You reciprocated her smile, amused. It was true that Elian, the Durmstrang boy who had asked you out, was really good looking. You had gotten to interact with him quite a few times leading up to the ball, and there was no doubt he would also amuse and entertain you.

"Thank you," you whispered.

"No need."

And with that Angelina walked away.

Despite her comforting words, you could still feel your stomach tingle as the beginning of the ball approached. You tried your best to distract yourself with homework, with a walk on the school grounds, with some singing to yourself. None of it worked for very long however. You could not ignore the pit in your stomach, the best you could do was live with it.

About two hours before the ball were to begin, you went back to your common room. You did not hurry, calmly taking a shower, getting dressed and taking care of any other details, like perfume.

You finished early, but by the end of the entire process, you were the most relaxed you had been all day. The thought of crossing George at the Yule Ball still made your stomach tingle, but at least you felt confident and appeased.

When the time came, you left the common room in company of some classmates and made your way to the Great Hall.

As you walked down the stairs, you met Elian's gaze. His face lit up as he looked at you. He was pleasing to the eyes himself, dressed in one of the elegant red uniforms that all the students from Durmstrang seemed to be wearing.

Once you reached the last step, he presented his arm to you. You accepted without a second thought.

"You look beautiful," he praised.

You thanked him and returned the compliment.

"Fancy seeing you here, Y/N," a voiced piped up from behind you.

You turned to see Angelina, holding onto Fred's arm, walking over to the two of you.

After exchanging the expected compliments that would come with an evening such as this one, Angelina kindly asked you:

"How are you feeling?"

"A lot better," you admitted.

"Was something wrong?" Elian asked.

"Nothing to worry about," you told him. "I was just nervous about tonight, but I am not anymore."

He smiled at you and you mirrored him.

At that moment, you were called to enter the Great Hall, as the champions were about to open the ball. Angelina and Fred led the way, followed closely by you and Elian.

You heard Angelina ask Fred: "Where is your brother?"

"He is with his date, we'll meet them back inside."

The mention of George with his date made your throat tighten, but you quickly gulped to get rid of the feeling.

The champions had opened the ball, elegantly waltzing in the middle of the crowd. Soon enough, they were joined by various teachers and students.

"May I have this dance?" Elian asked, extending his arm out for you once more.

You did not hesitate.

He turned out to be quite the dance partner too, leading you gracefully on the dancefloor.

You smiled. Genuinely. You were having an amazing time.

When the music came to an end, Elian surprised you by placing a kiss on your hand before escorting you off the dancefloor.

You exchanged a few drinks with friends, chatting eagerly about their outfits, the decorations, the music.

Suddenly, a guitar riff resonated throughout the Great Hall. It seemed the rumors had been true. Dumbledore had indeed booked the Weird Sisters for the Yule Ball.

Everyone rushed back in front of the stage. You jumped and danced and shouted. You were spending a way better evening than you had anticipated.

But as all good things, it passed by too quickly. Soon enough, the band was interpreting their final song for the night: a slow.

"May I have one last dance?" Elian had asked cheekily.

He had been an amazing partner throughout the entire evening, making you laugh and dancing with you plenty. How could you say no to his demand?

You put one hand on his shoulder, he put one on your waist, your free hands against each other. Slowly, you started swaying side to side.

"Did you have a good evening?" he asked.

"Yes," you replied. "Did you you?"

"It was wonderful." He paused. "Would you like for us to keep seeing each other?"

You frowned: "In what sense?"

"Would you like to go on a date with me some time?"

He was straightforward to say the least.

"I'm sorry." You let out a sad chuckle. "I don't think I'm ready to date anyone at the moment."

"No need to apologise," he reassured. "Being your friend is plenty enough."

You thanked him with a smile.

He spinned you around.

Your gaze got lost in the decor around you. The white shades of the Great Hall, the magical snow, the clear night sky ceiling.

That is when you met his gaze.

Time slowed down.

It stopped entirely.

You felt every distinct beat of your heart.

And then none.

He was slow dancing with this beautiful girl. Oh, how you envied her. How you wished to be in her shoes. How you wished to be in his arms.

Gulping, you faced Elian again.

Quickly realising your trouble, he wondered: "Y/N, are you okay?"

Instead of answering, you peaked back towards George. He was also looking at you, offering a kind smile.

Then he turned back to his own date.

If he only knew what that smile did to you.

Having understood the situation by that point, your partner offered to lead you back to your common room before the end of the song.

You accepted and thanked him, holding onto his arm as you exited the Great Hall. You vaguely felt eyes following you but did not care to pay attention to them.

You had seen the way that George looked at that girl, the way he smiled at her, the way he held her.

All you kept thinking back about was the moment your eyes met for the first time that day. For the first time in days.

How it had hurt. But how you had missed it.

George Weasley had always been able to make you feel some type of way. He always brought out the best and worst in you. He made you laugh the loudest and cry the hardest. And all of that, he did without even intending it.

Despite not trying to be too pessimistic, you wondered if there was anyone else like him in the world. And if that person may love you one day.

A/N: I know we don't see much of George in this part, but I am thinking about making this into a short series. I just had the Yule Ball scene planned out before starting to write and I loved it so much I did not want to change it. I can, however, still decide what happens to the characters next ;) Please, let me know if you would be interested. Thank you for reading until the end! Hoping to see you for the next chapter! And check my suggestions/request guidelines if you're interested in requesting anything from me/giving me ideas.

[yumpty-dumpty-inactive]

liar ♡

---

characters included: kazuha ♡

---

warnings: pregnant! female-bodied! reader, angst, abandonment, crying, sadness

---

pronouns: female-bodied reader, but no her or she pronouns <3

---

"kazuha, are you alright?" "hm...? o-oh, yes. i'm fine, love"

he can't shake it. for weeks, this one feeling just hasn't gone away. he feels there needs to be a layer of caution placed upon himself in your presence, a feeling he's never felt, ever. he doesn't yet possess the knowledge as to why this churning in his gut continues to happen, but time will tell, I suppose.

"kazuha, do you, want children? one day, I mean."

the question was harmless and innocent, and at this point, only natural. the two of you had been an item for five years at this point, and were now in your mid 20's. you had recently stumbled upon old friends of yours, who had given birth to their first child. the one thing that startled kazuha, however, was your look. the expression of admiration and envy you wore when watching that child explained everything for itself. he knew, now, what it was you wanted.

"good question, but i'm not sure. I haven't given it any thought."

liar. he had given it thought. much thought. for the past week, that exact thought kept him awake for hours, as he tossed and turned, trying to avoid the thoughts that invaded his mind.

"oh..."

---

he knew it. he knew it the minute you ran up to him, a bright smile engulfing your charming face. the moment you told him you were pregnant, his world crumbled. a family? he'd never had one, and suddenly he had his own? it made no sense.

"you're...pregnant?"

your smile faded.

"y-yes? is there something wrong with that?"

"no, not at all. this is...wonderful news."

"I know right? we're going to be a family!"

"yes, yes we are"

that night, everything seemed darker. the shadows seemed larger, the bed seemed colder, and his mind only ran faster. enough was to be had, and kazuha rose from your shared bed, slipping into his regular attire. slipping out of the bedroom, he grabbed his anemo vision, the glowing orb resting in its case. hand on the doorknob, he sighed, about to head out when he heard your sleepy voice,

"kazuha? where are you going...?"

the sleepy and innocent look in your eyes crushed him, your pure mind completely unaware of what he was about to do.

"just for a walk, love. I'll be back soon"

liar.

"oh, would you like me to come with you?"

liar.

"no...I'll be alright."

liar.

"oh, okay..."

liar.

he watched your form disappear into the darkness, hearing the distant sound of the bed creak, signaling your return to it. he almost felt sorry for you, sorry that he had to abandon you like this. opening the door, he left, not to return.

---

"it's cold..."

that was your first thought. you opened your eyes, only to see his side of the bed empty. the sheets were cold, the warm body of your lover missing. rising from your bed, you searched the whole house, but he was nowhere to be found.

---

it was three weeks later when you received a letter, addressed to you. you opened the intricate envelope, reading the letter:

my dearest (Y/N),

hello, I'm aware that we've not spoken in a while. if you're wondering where I am, which knowing you, you probably are, I shall tell you. I'm away. away on a trip. one I will never return from.

"what?"

I'm sorry I've abandoned you like this, and I know it must hurt. I cannot bear to watch you suffer, but for a family, I am not ready. the chained love that once bound us, I'm afraid is gone. it has faded, and I'm afraid it will not return. like waves on the sea, my mind can change in an instant. I'm sorry it's changed now, of all times.

tears began to spill.

I love you, but not nearly as much as I once did. it's not fair to tie you down in a way such as this, so (Y/N), I'm setting you free.

you sobbed.

you are indeed the last of your kind as I've always told you, and I hope you find someone who realizes that and embraces it, unlike me. before I fully set you free, there is something I want you to know.

when you decide to move on, please, don't let these painful memories blind you. as far as our child goes, please don't reject them. it's not their fault I've left, it's mine. don't let the past remind you of me, let it remind you of better memories.

farewell, (Y/N)

kazuha

you ran. you ran as fast as you could, away. away from everything. from kazuha, from your child, from your house, everything.

you found yourself at the alcor, sprinting desperately below deck into the captain's cabin. slamming the door open, you collapsed, letter in hand, panting desperately. the captain's eyes widened, scooping you up, calling for help while studying your letter.

---

he had watched. he had watched from afar as you opened the letter, breaking down in a state of shock and despair. it hurt him, yes. but he was a liar. he couldn't help it. he was running away. running away out of fear, something he had always done. he was clawing his way out of his pit of despair, only to lose balance and fall into the abyss once again. he told you he'd always be with you, he told you he'd never leave you, but then again,

he was a liar.

[chierafied]

The Silence - Part 5 (SKW2022D5)

SessKag Week 2022, Day 5

Well you see her when you fall asleep But never to touch and never to keep Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep

- Let Her Go by Passenger

Request

Sesshoumaru’s stalwart resolve began to fade the moment he set his feet down at the castle steps. If getting the permission to take Kagome as his mate were an easy task, Sesshoumaru would have embarked on it months ago. He knew well the perils he was facing here; placing the future of his relationship in the hands of someone whose moods were unpredictable and opinions on humans, in general, weren’t very flattering. 

But somehow, he had to persevere and obtain his goal.

Dread was dogging at his steps as he ascended the stone stair. The only thing propelling him forward was Kagome. He could picture her vividly in his mind, those blue eyes, that small smile, those soft curves that perfectly fit into the circle of his arms. The memories of her glowed like sunlight in his chest, pushing back the fear that loomed in the dark corners of his soul. 

He reached the landing. He could see the elaborate throne ahead and her, sitting upon it like the empress of the world. Even at a distance, her posture spoke of regal grace that had Sesshoumaru’s spine stiffening and shoulders hunching ever so slightly.

This could not possibly go well, he thought glumly as he approached her. She would see too much, her mind would be too quick, her motives too convoluted. Underneath that polished refinement she exuded, she was all sharp edges.

“Sesshoumaru!” her voice called out as he came to a halt before her and bowed his head. “What do you want?”

Sesshoumaru flinched. She would cut right into the heath of the matter, wouldn’t she? Like an assassin with perfect precision and whose blade never wavered. “Why do you presume I want something?”

A pair of silver-white eyebrows arched. “I have not seen you in seven years. Not once in all this time have you bothered to pay a visit to your poor mother. So why are you here now?”

Sesshoumaru swallowed a sigh. The conversation had barely begun and he was already tired. Only she had that effect on him. He’d known she would pierce through his attempt at evasion, but he would have liked a few more moments to compose his thoughts and line up his arguments so he could best present his case. But of course, his mother would have none of that.

So with ill preparation, Sesshoumaru blurted out: “I wish to take a mate.”

“Already?” His mother pursed her lips. “I would have thought you’d wish to wait another century or two before making such commitments, but very well. I can have a list of candidates drawn up for you.”

Sesshoumaru managed not to grind his teeth, in a miraculous feat of patience. “I do not require lists or candidates, Mother. There is but one female I wish to court.”

“Storing all your carrion in one pit?” his mother murmured. 

Sesshoumaru’s claws flexed and his hand balled into a fist. “I will not repeat myself.”

Sesshoumaru’s mother rolled her eyes at him. “I suppose I should be surprised you have managed to find even one female willing to tolerate you. Look at you.” She fluttered her hand at him in a careless wave that sent his blood boiling. “Stiff as a statue! I wonder where I went wrong with you. I despair of you, son.”

Not nearly as much as he despaired himself being her son. His mother was a menace and there was absolutely no dealing with her. Which was one big reason why he’d tried his best to avoid coming here, even if to plead his case.

“I am not here to discuss myself or my upbringing,” he reminded her between clenched teeth.

“Oh, I suppose not.” His mother propped her chin on her hand. “Very well then, where is she? This female of yours?”

Sesshoumaru’s back was suddenly painfully straight, every muscle of his body rigid with tension. The last thing he needed was to have Kagome in any kind of vicinity to his mother. She should not be exposed to the utter lunacy he had the misfortune to be related to.

“I did not bring her with me,” he told his mother, coldly.

Her eyebrows shot up. “Whyever not?”

“I did not think it necessary.”

“Of course you would not, you foolish son of mine.” His mother heaved out a long-suffering sigh. “I, however, am not a fool.”

Sesshoumaru wisely chose not to comment on that.

The playfulness was gone from his mother’s piercing golden eyes as she levelled a long stare at him. “You cannot expect me to grant you permission to take a female I have never even met as your mate.”

“She’s the only one I want,” he growled, exasperated.

“That is all well and good,” his mother intoned calmly, with yet another aggravating hand wave. “But I will not hand out permissions to join our family, our pack, blindly.”

There was both a steel and a sword’s edge in the tone of her voice now and Sesshoumaru knew, with a sinking feeling to his stomach, that his mother would not bend on this. She would insist on meeting Kagome so she could assess his mate-to-be herself. To decide if she was worthy — or if she was lacking, in which case Sesshoumaru’s relationship with Kagome would be more doomed than the painful in-between it was stuck in, now.

Cold fear curled at the base of Sesshoumaru’s spine, even as he was unable to find fault with his mother’s reasoning. The thought of his Kagome, under the scrutiny and impossibility of his mother was simply too dreadful to contemplate.

But she was his Elder and she was the one who would decide to permit his union or not and Sesshoumaru couldn’t deny her.

His heart hammering in his chest, pain lashing across his body like heavy chains wrapping up to force the air out of his lungs, Sesshoumaru lowered his gaze and bowed his head.

“I understand, Mother.”

--

Part Six

[targaryenimagines]

Just Wait

Daenerys Targaryen x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1,989

Summary:

Notes: I hope this is all right. 

Dialogue Prompt:  “Try and stay calm, okay? Help is coming.”

The wind was howling through the air. Snow whipping past your face and obscuring your view. All that you could see were the elegant spikes of Rhaegal’s neck. The pebbled scales being the only comfort to your numbing hands. You wince as the winds howls were intersected by the wails of the damned. Glowing blue eyes appearing before your eyes as you blinked. 

Glancing down, you could see nothing but the unending swirl of white in the pitch blackness. 

How many of your friends had already perished below you? 

How many would you never see again? 

How many would you never be able to properly bury?

The questions only cause the growing pit in your stomach to become that much larger. Your hands clench around Rhaegal’s spike. Trying your best to keep your breath steady as he took another sharp turn. Your body pressing against his neck in order to stay upright. Squinting doing little to alleviate the temporary blindness the action caused. 

Craning your neck, you look up in hopes that the moon would be able to guide you to where you needed to be. You were only met by even more suffocating darkness-- even the clouds having lost their glow. Curses fall from your lips as you angle Rhaegal down into another dive. Getting too close to the ground could prove to be fatal but you had no choice; images of Viserion’s lifeless body falling from the sky comes unbidden to your mind at the thought. Your heart breaking all over again as you remember his pain-filled cry. How Rhaegal had echoed it as you both tried to desperately save him. Your gentle boy being swallowed by ice and snow; only to be awakened by the very thing that had cursed him. 

You hadn’t seen Viserion yet but you had heard his roars. The once gentle and calming sound turned ragged. A mournful howl for everything that was lost and that had to continue to be. In the same manner, you hadn’t seen Drogon or Daenerys since the battle had begun. Both you and Rhaegal taking to the outside defenses to make sure there wouldn’t be any stragglers. Even now you couldn’t hear the sounds of Drogon’s mighty roars or the cries of battle. 

You and Rhaegal were completely alone. In the ghost filled sky that promised nothing but despair when it used to offer nothing but freedom. 

That is until a sharp cry from above you caused every hair on your body to stand on end. Your head snapping up towards the sound, even as you made Rhaegal dive to the side, and nothing could have prepared you for the sight of seeing Viserion. 

Nothing could have prepared you for the sight of seeing him so broken. His scales, once so vibrant, turned ashen and lifeless. 

His gentle face devoid of any emotion except for the mind-numbing coldness that seemed to be in constant supply in the North. 

Once golden eyes, that always reminded you of the sun, turned blue. Fire turning to ice. 

The only thing rivalling the horror you felt at seeing Viserion in such a state was seeing the thing that was riding him. The Night King’s cold eyes were watching your every movement as Rhaegal dipped lower and lower in the sky. Your attention diverted from his icy gaze towards Rhaegal as his wings narrowly escaped the tree tops. His body jolts as he tries to avoid the imminent collision. 

With your mouth pressed into a line, you force yourself to relax and remember everything you had learned over the years with Rhaegal. Every minute movement of his body and what that told you. Even if the Night King could control Viserion, he would never be able to fly like you could. You just had to get to Daenerys, to Drogon, and everything would be fine. 

Chancing one last glance towards him, you couldn’t help the sardonic smirk that pulled at your lips. “If you want me you’ll have to catch me you sick bastard.”

-----

In retrospect, taunting the Night King wasn’t the smartest plan. While you had the advantage of experience atop dragons. He held the advantage when it came being able to see where you were going. Which, in the grand scheme of things, was a very useful tool to have. 

As it wouldn’t be the first, or second, time you had almost slammed into something as you made your back towards Winterfell.

“How did we get so far out?” You hiss as you, yet again, dip Rhaegal into a dive to avoid Viserion’s talons. His disjointed shriek causes the hairs on the back of your neck to stand on end. You didn’t remember flying this far out from Winterfell but as each moment ticked by you could tell that you had somehow gotten turned around. We were only supposed to be a few minutes out at most. How did this happen?

Feeling the sudden breeze of air on your head, causes you to duck. Your head almost collided with Rhaegal’s neck as Viserion made another dive towards you. Feeling the slick feeling of liquid running down your neck, you raise your hand to the base of it. Letting loose a soft hiss as a sharp stab of pain is the response your body gives to the prodding. You know you didn’t have to look at your fingers to see that your glove was stained red. 

Catching sight of the beacon fires almost causes you to sob in relief. Your eyes welling up at the brilliant sight of light after spending so long in near darkness. The sounds of battle resounding out towards you like a choir. 

“Only a bit longer, Rhaegal,” you murmur against his neck. Feeling the way his breaths had gotten deeper. You don’t know how much longer he would be able to last if the pace continued like this. The constant bobbing and weaving through frozen air. Squeezing your eyes shut, you send a silent prayer to R’hllor to get you through this-- to get Rhaegal through this. “You’re doing so well. Just a bit longer and I promise you’ll be able to rest.”

Only a small snort was your response. The reaction caused a small smile to quirk your lips despite the situation you were in. His tenacious spirit hadn’t dimmed in the slightest even as his energy was so clearly waned. That’s my boy. 

Angling Rhaegal into a steep dive, you make your descent towards Winterfell. Your eyes desperately searching for Daenerys. Your breath catching when you finally caught sight of Drogon’s familiar form. His looming black shadow shifting over the battlefield as he and Daenerys dealt with the Wights. The Unsullied fight valiantly underneath their Khaleesi. You think you could even see Jorah shifting about with Jon Snow’s direwolf-- Ghost. 

Viserion’s sharp cry causes you to wince. Your head is already bowing as you twist Rhaegal into the opposite direction. Hoping that you would be able to be fast enough but you hadn’t reacted fast enough. Not as you felt Viserion slam into Rhaegal and press you down against his back. Your breath escaping you in a harsh exhale as Rhaegal tried desperately to free himself. His angry shrieks like daggers through your heart. 

Knowing that there was little else you could do; not when you and Rhaegal were so tired. You call for Daenerys-- hoping that your dragon would be able to get to you. Your eyes search for her violet as you begin your descent towards the snow covered ground. 

“Daenerys.”

------

“Daenerys.”

The sound of her name ripped through the air. Louder than any scream from the undead below her. Louder than any cry of the dying that would forever echo in her head. Louder than even Drogon was at his angriest. 

Her head snapping up in the direction the scream, no plea, had originated from. Her own beginning to form when she saw her mate and son in a spiral. She had known that Viserion was a slave of the Night King’s now but she had never truly prepared herself to see him. 

She had never thought it would be when he was clutching onto Rhaegal’s back. His talons like anchors against Rhaegal’s green hide. Rivulets of red already became obvious as her son struggled to break free. Struggled to protect his mother, his rider, from harm. She could even see your face from here. See the pain that was so clearly etched across your beautiful features. The blood that was becoming apparent through the stark white of your cloak. 

It was a sight that forced her into action. Nudging, Drogon in your direction as fast as he was able to go. Her heart hammering in her chest as Rhaegal let loose another cry of pain. As Viserion echoed it back with one of his own demented shrieks. Her two boys, that were closer than even she could comprehend, enemies because of the vileness that Westeros held. It brought tears to her eyes as Drogon finally got a hold of Viserion. His much larger form easily being able to overpower his brother. Claws ripping and tearing through brittle hide as he was tossed to the side. Little decorum being shown for what used to be his brother. 

Glancing down, Daenerys’s heart almost stops at the sight of Rhaegal’s still plummeting form. His wings weakly trying to keep him afloat but nothing would be able to stop his descent. She could see the wounds in his wings and the way his head was drooping which each second ticked by. Angling Drogon into a dive, Daenerys does everything she can to stop his descent. To stop him from hitting the ground but it was all in vain. 

Her widened gaze watching as Rhaegal was weakly able to run across the surface before crashing down completely. The form of his rider being thrown from his body into a heap on the icy landscape. 

Not thinking of much else, Daenerys jumps off of Drogon the moment his feet make contact with land. Her hand ran against Rhaegal’s neck in a quick search to make sure he was all right; relieved when she felt his heavy breathing through her glove. His steady warmth is still there despite everything.

With that task accomplished, she makes her way over towards the form of her mate. Her knees hitting the ground with preamble and she brought you into her arms. A worried gaze taking in every bruise and scrape that made up the expanse of your skin. Blood trickling down slowly from open wounds that didn’t look to be too deep. A relieved sob leaving her lips when she notices your breathing; while shallow it was something. 

Closing her eyes, Daenerys sends a silent thank you to whatever deity helped keep her mate and son safe. Her mouth pressing a soft kiss to your forehead as she pulled you tighter into her embrace. Very much aware of Drogon’s presence wrapping around her. His protective stance warmed her heart.  

“Try and stay calm, okay?” She murmurs softly to herself as she pulls you tighter against her. Wanting to keep you as warm as she possibly could. “Help is coming.”

Glancing up, Daenerys could no longer see the various shadows of war against the landscape. Her heart thudding against her chest at what that could mean. Though none of it mattered if it meant that she lost you. 

Looking down, she presses another small kiss to your forehead and smiles despite the tears in her eyes. “I love you. If you hold on a bit longer I promise I will never leave your side again.” She nuzzles into your neck; needing to be surrounded by your scent. “You’ll be stuck with me. Just wait for help to come.”

Unbeknownst to Daenerys the slightest of smiles curled your lips at her words. You could never imagine not waiting for your dragon. 

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

ok w/e putting this here cos i need space to ramble hasdhakdhs

so. ocs as spirits and demons.

Neira: duty and fear

she was pretty easy tbh because duty is one of, if not the, core motivator for her (duty as a mage, as a warden, as a friend, etc. etc.), as well as the conflicts these duties can cause when they clash. The other strong motivator is fear and they're kinda related but just. fear is something that is very present for her in a bunch of ways (fear of disappointing, fear making mistakes, fear of losing herself, fear of harming ppl, list goes on) and are also ironically also what makes the whole "being more susceptible to demons" (aka a demon of fear) a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Kala: perseverance (probably? tho idk if that's too "on the nose") and i'm not sure about demon (pride?)

Like perseverance pretty much summarizes her entire life, beating the odds and living in spite of everything wanting, including her determination to live her own life and live a good life despite living on borrowed time from the taint, and not just that but also preserving her pride and dignity and sense of self despite not even being supposed to have any. Which is why i wanna say she'd be susceptible to pride too, cos pride is something that has acted as an anchor and as fuel through all that, in a way.

Liam: love and sloth

Love was easy because the love for his family and friends is pretty much at the core of most of what he does, love for his family and friends but also generally just. having love for his home and getting sentimentally attached to things and all that. For the demon my first instinct was despair since that's he fights with quite a bit rip, but tbh he would be such an easy target for sloth i think. not sloth as in laziness but as in craving relief and simple contentment. like. if you gave him a perfectly simple boring happy life like the sloth demon did with Ali in DAO that's it it's game over he ain't leaving.

Lilian: courage or valor, and despair

Not sure about courage or valor because both of that is something she both values a lot and has a lot of, and it's what allows her well, do what she's doing, but it's also what she inspires in other people. As for despair, that is an emotion she very very actively tries to repress avoid and prevent, but it's that looming ever present threat. It's why she is so stubborn about being proactive and about keep going forward because if she didn't she would simply fall into that pit.

June and Ari i'm still not sure about; June i wanna say would be curiosity or learning? Because she does have a natural curiosity which does inform a lot of her actions overall, but it is also very selective. As for the demon maybe desire? Desire as in both the desire for knowledge but also just. personal desire. Like she wants things and can be incredibly insistent on these wants, it's something that drives her but can also make her selfish and ruthless in pursuing them

For Ari purpose plays a big role but it's more like.. the question of and desire for purpose? and how he thrives as inquisitor cos it gives him the sense of purpose he was lacking, so idk if purpose itself as a spirit would be entirely right. Demon could be desire or terror or pride i think? The desire for purpose, for knowledge, for answers. Pride is also there as a motivator especially later and post Trespasser, and (ironically) part of why he wants to stop Solas. But he does also have a persistent fear of like cosmic horror and nothingness and insignificance in the back of his mind that he tries very hard to ignore, so,,,,,,

[godlizzza]

can you do "I can't let that happen again" for danbert? Thank you :)

"We need the buddy system," Dan insisted. "It's the only way to stay safe down here."

Herbert just glared at him through a bubbling test tube, the glass warping Dan's cross expression into something cartoonish. He'd been trying his best to ignore him and focus but Dan seemed adamant to have this conversation.

"I've done plenty of work by myself," Herbert said, securing the tube in a clamp. "As much as it pleases me that you're taking an extra interest in our experiments, let me assure you I'm perfectly fine on my own."

Dan gave an aggravated sigh and ran his hands through hair. "How many times do you have to get hurt before you realise you're not safe when you're alone?"

"Every job has occupational hazards," Herbert replied easily. "I know what they are. It doesn't bother me."

"But it bothers me!" Dan burst out.

Herbert jumped in his seat as Dan marched around the work table and grabbed his shoulders. The fierce burning in his eyes made Herbert lean back, his heart suddenly kicking against his ribs.

"Do you know how much I worry about you?" Dan demanded, his voice coming out ragged and desperate. "When I'm at work and you're here, all I can think about is if you're okay, or if you're lying on the floor, bleeding out. I have no idea and it...it tears me up." He ripped his gaze away from Herbert's and bowed his head, as though the weight of everything he'd just said had caught up with him, snuffing out that fierce passion. "I've already thought I lost you twice. And I just- I can't let that happen again."

Herbert blinked at this sudden display of brittleness. He'd always known Dan to easily give way to emotion, his constitution swaying in the breeze of others' suffering. But to see him tired and shaking like this out of concern for him was disturbing in a way he couldn't put his finger on.

With Dan's hands still clamped on his shoulders he tentatively reached out and squeezed his arm in what he hoped was a reassuring way. Dan instantly crumbled at the touch, falling into Herbert and wrapping him up in his arms. Herbert gasped at the pressure of their bodies crushed together as Dan buried his face in the crook of Herbert's neck. Herbert slowly returned the embrace, stroking small circles into Dan's back.

"You don't need to be afraid," Herbert said, his voice sounding shaky to his own ears.

"Yes, I do," Dan fired back, his words muffled against Herbert's collar. "You have no sense of self-preservation. One of us has to be afraid."

Herbert looked at the man in his arms and sighed. "I'll consider it."

Dan pulled his face back but kept his arms locked around Herbert. He blinked as though trying to shake off a mist clouding his eyes.

"What?"

"The buddy system," Herbert said begrudgingly. "I'll consider it."

Dan's answer was a watery smile. The sight dislodged something in Herbert's chest, letting it fall, clunking against his insides before landing in the pit of his stomach. He released his hold on Dan and scooted back in his chair, trying to quell the heat flooding his veins. He turned back to the work table and coughed into his fist, avoiding Dan's gaze.

"Now, if that's all, you can either leave or put some gloves on and join me," he said gruffly, busying himself by fiddling with some beakers.

Dan let out a soft breath beside him then walked away. For a moment Herbert expected to hear his footfalls on the stairs but then he reappeared, tying an apron around his waist. Herbert watched him slip on a pair of latex gloves, and when Dan faced him, his eyes still looked tired but not so despairing.

"Okay," Dan simply said. "What're we doing today?"

[taones]

If You Can Hold On - Part 2

Pairing: Poly!Asahi, Daichi + Suga x gender neutral!reader

Notes: lowkey have a mention of Yachi x Kiyoko in this ayyyy and the reader reflecting my thoughts about rain whoop 

Warnings: pining, angst, requited-unrequited love cause we love some dramatic irony, this whole series is hurt/comfort

Find part one here

Soft murmurs woke you from your rough sleep. After hearing them talk about adding another person to their relationship, it was kind of hard to have a good rest. The car had stopped. You four were now parked in a motel car park, bathed in the signs' soft red light. 

“I went in but they only have one room, so all four of us will have to share” 

The disappointed tone to Daichi’s statement felt like an arrow through your heart. You guys were best friends, you shared beds all the time. Why would that matter now? Ever since you had known them you had been comfortable sharing beds etc, even after they started dating. The fact it was different now made you think back to their earlier conversation about a new partner. Did this person not like you? Maybe that was why they weren’t as close with you. The shuffling of your tallest friend pulled your attention once again. They were getting out of the car.

Once again, you pretended to be asleep. There was now ay you were ready to face them without crying and you really didn’t want Asahi to ask for his hoodie back. You were scared it would be the last part of him you had for a long time. The sharp twinge of panic shot through your stomach at the thought of it. There was always a chance that their new partner would like you but not as many people would be as comfortable with their s/o being as close to their friend as those three were. 

“It’s okay” you heard Asahi whisper, “I’ll carry them”

You stirred at that. If he touched you, you were certain you would cry. S it was a perfect time to break your facade. The soft glimmer of tears in your eyes was hidden by the scarlet light shining on your face, something you were thankful for. Cold, wet gravel seeped through the mesh of your shoes but it was okay as long as you were going to be in the room soon, able to be away from the constant reminder the boys gave you. In your ‘sleepy’ state, you pulled your bags out of the car and grabbed the keys from Daichi’s hand. In your haste to walk away, you missed the look of despair on Asahi’s face and the way his shorter boyfriend held his hand to his chest as if you had burnt it with your hasty touch.

The room itself was painted a bright yellow, something you assumed would be more bright if you weren’t feeling so dull yourself. There was a queen size bed in the centre of the room and a sofa off to the side. It was as if the red of the sofa cushions was mocking you with its garish colour, reminding you that you would never actually be with the other three. You scoffed and layed your things on the sofa before pulling out some pyjama shorts and one of Koushi’s t-shirts that you had borrowed. Just as the boys came in, you disappeared into the tiny bathroom to get changed. 

Thinking you had escaped, you sighed and leant against the door. Only to hear the voices of the three men loud and clear. 

“I wonder what’s wrong with y/n” Koushi asked, seemingly dismissive

“I’m sure we’ll find out soon, they don’t hide anything from us” the comforting voice of Sawamura responded

If only they knew just how much you hid from them. If only they knew that even being around them right now was literally breaking your heart. 

“Wait look what I took the other day Suga, it’ll cheer you up”

You heard Azumane pull out his phone and then a sound of awe from the grey haired man.

“I wish we could ask them to join us sooner but we have to wait till we’re back huh?” Suga lamented, “wish this trip could be over already” 

Ouch, that one hurt.

So he was showing them a picture of this mystery person. You really didn’t understand why they hadn’t told you yet. It only made the feeling of dread in you grow, expanding into a pit that sucked in all of your other emotions. If they really wanted this to be over then you may as well just leave them now. Let them leave you behind and pursue this person that you’ll never be.

A knock on the door pulled you out of your thoughts. Looking in the mirror, you noticed tears you didn’t realise had fallen. You managed to hastily rub the evidence of your face and leave the yellow lit room in time for it to not seem too suspicious. You grabbed the blanket that had been laid over the sofa and walked out the door. 

“I’ll be right back, just have to do something” you muttered, avoiding eye contact “don’t wait up for me” 

Cold gravel crunched against your shoes once again and air pricked at your exposed legs. The pool. It was dimly lit but hadn’t been covered so you assumed it was okay for you to sit in. The water was a clear blue and slightly warmed from the earlier sunshine. Perfect for you to stick your legs in. Water and night had always managed to calm you down and stop your thoughts racing. While this was no rain storm, it was good enough for you to swish your cold limbs in and make the calming sounds you liked so much. 

Your reflection stared back at you from the water. There was no hiding the mess you were in, hair dishevelled and an old blanket wrapped around your shoulders. It was no wonder they didn’t want you. The soft ringtone you recognised as Kiyoko’s wrenched you back to reality.

“Hello?” you sniffed down the phone

Kiyoko was another best friend of yours but one you were fortunately not in love with. She and Yachi had been on holiday when you had left but it was clear the couple was now back. Shimizu was the only person that knew about your feelings.

“How are you holding up y/n” her soft voice rang in your ears

“Not well” you admitted, “It’s like they’re doing it on purpose Shimizu”

She hummed, never one for too many words

“They want to add another person to their relationship but they made sure i was sleeping when they talked about it. I don’t know why but it hurts Kiyoko. I know it’s selfish but it hurts so bad, I don’t know how much longer I can take this trip”

Something inside you broke down. It had been a while since you had been able to get this off your chest and it was like a weight was lifted from your shoulders. Tears rolled down your cheeks for what felt like the hundredth time this trip.

“Do you need us to come pick you up y/n?” the woman's voice asked, concern clear

“I really don't know” you admitted with defeat, “I’ll see how it goes but I hate this so much”

The conversation ended rather quickly after that. It was late for you both after all and it had started raining so you had to put your phone in your bag to prevent it from getting wet. What you didn’t notice was the flash of cropped brunette hair disappearing behind your room door.

Cold rain hit your skin. It was refreshing, a break from what you were feeling. Rain was simple. Rain didn’t have feelings, didn’t have thoughts. It was just nice, cool rain and you revelled in it’s simplistic beauty. With closed eyes, you laid on the pool tile and let the droplets hit your face. Even as it got colder and heavier, it was nothing compared to what you felt on the inside and this was something you were thankful for. The silence was comforting and you let your mind slip into nothing but the rain.

Suga came out to check on you after half an hour, worried about the rain. When he saw you laying next to the pool, covered in a layer of wetness and your face cold, he felt a cold wash of fear come over him. The soft rise and fall of your chest reassured him but he knew he would have to get you inside. Asahi came to stand next to his shorter partner, resting his chin on his shoulder sleepily. 

“I wish I knew what was going on in their head sometimes” the grey haired man whispered, “I wish I knew how to save them”

His counterpart hummed and moved to pick your sleeping figure from the ground. You were cold to the touch and your face lacked the despair that had been plaguing it for the whole trip. He felt a flower of guilt grow in the pit of his stomach at the thought the rain had made you happier then they ever could. 

“C’mon” called Daichi from the doorway, “They’re gonna catch their death we need to get them some clothes”

You limp hand came up to grasp at the fabric, not wanting to let go of the comforting presence even in sleep. Three melancholy smiles were sent your way, not that you would ever know. They knew you hated smiles of pity, even if that’s the only ones you really seemed to get from them anymore.

@bewwybun @xeina @mage-moon @naimalove143 @bisasterrr @aristatrois​ @hamiltrash1411​ @tazzi-baby​ @adreamoflonelyaddiction​ 

Hope you guys enjoy, sorry it took so long and sorry about any typos it’s been a long week

[penwieldingdreamer]

Dante's Prayer - A Peaky Blinders Story

It's been a while since I wrote anything regarding the fandoms I used to be active, but thanks to @fortheloveoffanfic I found another one that picked my interest. This is the first part of my Peaky Blinders story, let me know what you think. Like, reblog, comment if you want and let me know if you'd like to be tagged.

Summary:

When the dark wood fell before me And all the paths were overgrown, When the priests of pride say there is no other way I tilled the sorrows of stone.

I did not believe because I could not see Though you came to me in the night, When the dawn seemed forever lost You showed me your love in the light of the stars

- Dante's Prayer by Loreena McKennitt -

Warnings: Mentions of war, mentions of sex, period-typical sexism, canon-typical violence

Words: 1410

Prologue

Outside of Birmingham, 1923

Breathless pants were the only sounds echoing in the silence of the small cottage.

"I missed ya so fookin' much." he mumbled against her back as they tried to catch their breaths and Arthur pulled the sheets over their naked bodies.

Niamh smiled at the sensation of his beard lightly scratching her skin, committing it to memory before he'd leave her again. "It's not my fault, you've been avoiding me."

"I know, I'm sorry." he sighed, running his fingers along the skin of her shoulder and neck. "I'm going to marry Linda."

Swallowing the lump that formed in her throat, the redhead blinked away the tears that were gathering in her eyes, thankful for facing away from the eldest Shelby brother. "I believe this means goodbye then?"

"It doesn't have to be goodbye." Arthur breathed, his lips languidly moving along her spine. "We ain't serious."

Turning her head towards him, Niamh shook her head. "We can't continue this, it was good while it lasted."

"Why not?" he asked, leaning onto his elbow to watch her closely. He had known her since before the war, occasionally having had a tryst under the bridge by the Cut and when he had been drafted he spent three days until his leaving with her, promising to return as the same man that he left but he couldn't keep that promise, just like he never could promise her his heart.

"I'm scared, Arthur." she finally said after a while, her voice vibrating in the quiet air.

Brushing his hair out of his face, he moved his hand closer to her face, his roughened fingers stroking along the column of her throat. "What are you scared of?"

Biting her lip, Niamh put her smaller hand on his own. "Of falling for you, like I'm trying to avoid ever since you have gotten back. You're marrying her and if we continue, you'll only break my heart." Her eyes turned red from the unshed tears she kept at bay the entire time.

"I never promised ye love." Arthur replied gruffly, sitting up on the bed. "I best be going, or else you'd be throwing your heart at me feet."

Pulling the sheets up to her neck, Niamh wordlessly watched him get dressed, feeling the sting of heartbreak in her chest when there had been no love on both ends. Once he had haphazardly thrown on his pants and dress shirt, leaving the vest and suspenders off, Arthur turned one last time, burning the image of his favorite redhead into his mind's eye. Never would he forget the faces she made when he had given her the ecstasy she longed for, knowing he'd not be able to see the same expressions with his soon-to-be-wife.

One last time she watched him nod in goodbye, knowing his head couldn't be turned. The eldest Shelby would have only committed, if - and that was a very big IF - she had been with his child, but Niamh knew how to avoid it as well as he did. Nights in the war could be very cold and lonely so the army had handed out precautions for the soldiers to enjoy their time between the fights. Arthur had told her often enough how his dreams of family and romance had been snuffed out by the brutality of the war, that he would avoid the subject as best as he could, yet here he left her stranded in her cottage by the lake they used to swim in as teenagers, to have a wife and family, probably children along the way.

Arthur climbed inside Tommy's car, taking a deep breath before he screamed out the despair and grief that had been eating away at him ever since he returned from France. Niamh had been a distraction and Linda had given him the hope to get his dreams back, so why did he feel the same sense of loss he had felt when their father had betrayed him and left them again? The noose around his neck was back, tighter than before.

"FUCK!" He hit the steering wheel with such force, that it rattled the whole construction. Arthur needed to let go, he would marry Linda in three weeks and start a new part of his life with her.

“I, Arthur, take thee, Linda, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.”

“I, Linda, take thee, Arthur, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.”

The eldest Shelby brother gently took her hand and slipped the golden band onto her left ring finger, repeating after the priest. “With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”

Linda smiled up at him, her eyes so full of love and shining with happiness that he couldn't help but get infected by her. Returning her smile, Arthur leaned in and gently laid his lips on hers. His brothers cheered, albeit forcing themselves to be happy for him and his new wife. She had brought faith back into his life and would help him achieve his dreams of family and fortune.

When he looked up, at the end of the aisle Arthur thought he saw a flash of red before it disappeared again.

Had she come to witness his wedding? Maybe trying to stop it all together?

But no, he had told her goodbye, told her she wasn't the one for him because unlike Linda, Niamh hadn't changed his way. Hadn't made him see the light in this darkness again. At least that was, what he was trying to tell himself, because buried deep down in the pit of his heart there was a small fire burning for the redhead, that would never be put out, no matter how much water he'd use to kill the flames.

"Come on brother, let's celebrate your union." John called, pulling both Linda and him into a tight hug before he joined his wife Esme and their children on the way to the Garrison where Tommy had prepared the reception. At first Linda had protested, having wanted a proper banquet but she was soon overruled when Arthur told her it was easier that way. She'd have to learn that arguing with his brother or even Aunt Polly was never a good way to live in the Shalby family, it would be more peaceful to just concede and try to be happy about it.

"Come on now, luv, let's get some refreshments before we consummate our wedding and really make it official, ey." the eldest Shelby grinned at his wife, leaning down to swiftly brush her lips with his own, before he grabbed her waist and pulled her along to the pub.

Niamh had been planning to avoid the ceremony, knowing that only heartache would follow but she needed to be there to hear his vows and see his actions. Only then could she try to forget Arthur Shalby and move on, just like he did. No thought had been spared for her when he had repeated the words, giving his ring to her and promising a new life.

During the wedding she had wanted to stop them so many times, but when the final words of their vows had been spoken, she knew it was too late. He now was a married man and she, just a girl, a woman he used to know before he found Linda and her faith.

Taking a deep breath, the redhead hastily brushed a stray tear away and grabbed her bag, leaving the church as fast as possible, yet one pair of eyes followed her, always watchful for the happenings around them, knowing fully well that she hadn't just been there by mistake and trying to piece together what the real reason had been behind her short visit in the house of the Lord.