#and i love my supervisor. i have so much respect for her she's an amazing person

[scattered-winter]

working retail is making me remember how much i hate stupid customers btw

[asifyoudidntknow]

Differences

I randomly get these stories that just pop in my head and beg to be written down. Sorry if this doesn't sound half as good as the ramblings did in my mind. When it strikes, I just go with it.

@today-in-fic

Half the time with Phoebe he was drunk. For being a brilliant psychologist, Mulder spent quite a bit of time in the dark, dingy basement pubs surrounding campus in his early years at Oxford. Mulder took after his father when first moving to England by drowning his sorrows in whatever alcoholic beverage was of choice that week. He let Phoebe into his life during this low time and freely let her manipulate him. The sex was fun and spontaneous. She used it as a way to further fuck with his mind. The body games were just as much of a way she could twist his mind as it was about bringing herself pleasure. It wasn’t until the summer between his sophomore and junior year when he had a professor that gave extra credit by participating in counseling sessions so that senior degree candidates could hone their techniques that he truly saw how detrimental his relationship was with Phoebe. He went to see if any of these upperclassmen were any good and stayed when he realized just how beneficial the sessions were for his “love is blind”, fucked up relationship…a bonus being extra credit. That summer was a turning point for him. He started focusing more on his studies. He distanced himself from the pubs, as well as Phoebe. She didn’t seem to notice too much. After trying to drag him out a couple of times, she gave up pretty quickly and moved on to the next. Phoebe wasn’t in things for the long haul…easily bored is one way he would describe her. Easily bored and looking to climb the ladder at the Scotland Yard by any means possible.

Comfortable is how he would describe his relationship with Diana. Good. Nice. The usual. He and Diana got along. They agreed most of the time. She looked at his brilliant mind in awe. She almost envied how he came to learn and see angles no one else might. His ego was stroked every time she commented on how amazing he was at his job. The sex was comfortable. Good. Nice. The usual. He could be himself and she accepted him. She didn’t try to push or argue. She easily gained his trust. He readily accepted hers. They were both FBI agents so there wasn’t anything to hide. They could discuss cases, knew about what was going on in the building, could talk about supervisors and employees without having to explain much. She was giddy about all of the old cases he was discovering in the basement and supported his decision to pursue the X-files. So when he returned home late to his apartment one night to a note and Diana gone he felt lost.

Lightning is how he would describe his relationship with Scully. Fiery. Challenging. Passionate. Though, always with an undertone of respect. This wasn’t comfortable. It was bettering. There was growth because her mind was as brilliant as his. A match. A volleying. A constant rendering and honing of his ideas and theories. She’d pull him down while building him up. She let him become vulnerable on his own, but with his profiling skills it didn’t take long for him to know that her character was true and full of integrity. The bantering was arousing. He’d find himself picking up the phone at all hours after the workday and on weekends just to bounce ideas around with her. It was intoxicating. When the sex finally did happen it was very different than anything he’d ever experienced before. Out in the field they were able to anticipate each other, had a keen sense of proximity, knew when to lead versus follow and that seamlessly translated in the bedroom. Dazing. Merging. Pushing. Pulling. Completeness. Mulder could say now with absolute certainty that he’d never experienced being in love before. Nothing was as crushing, aching, or primal as this. He was sure of it. And he wasn’t going to lose it.

[pearlywritings]

resting sounds like an amazing plan ngl

and ohhh a reunion with an old friend and a group gift giving event, very nice!!

i have so much respect for yall who are both working and going for a higher degree/certification/etc. 😭 i've seen how that kind of pressure & responsibilities made the best people become so zombie-like. i myself would not have the energy to do it for long ;;;

if taking an academic break is a possibility you can look at, then definitely consider doing it!! ofc career and education and accomplishments are a good thing to pursue, but your wellbeing comes first!! if you can recharge and come back with a refreshed state of mind, i'm sure you'll crush that master's thesis (•̀ᴗ•́)��

A DRAGON!! just like my dad hahah yeye i'm excited for the year of the dragon ✨ lmao well hold on now, perhaps the dragon trait manifested on you differently… such as… maybe you love certain foods…. like the cheese hoard! or maybe (i think i remember seeing this somewhere in your blog) you're good with music and really know your scales! (g… get it? bc cheese board… cheese hoard…… scales…. /is smacked by tighnari)

First, I took onto studies cause I was pressured by my family to either study or work. And since I've been exhausted from just having graduated from the University I had to energy to search for job, so I decided to pursue the Master's degree at the same program I studied for my Bachelor's. And then, unexpectedly, just as the September was about to begin I recieved a proposal from my dean to be a secretary at one of the foreign languages faculty's department. And let me tell you, last year I felt like I was ALHAITHAM. I mean I was a secretary, a linguist (kinda), hated scientific work and mostly stayed out of my office, hanging in the professor's lounge. But I did my work exceptionally, and my previous collegues love me (and that's mutual).

There is a possibility to take that academic leave BUT... The dean is my thesis supervisor and also the Master's program supervisor... and I feel awkward leaving this things behind yet keeping work so close to her. She is kind but I am still scared that things might turn intense.

COME ON, THE JOKES ARE HILARIOUS. But it's funny how you guessed - I love cheese. And yep, I am a piano player and adore music - it's an integral part of my everyday life. Don't worry, I won't let Tighnari smack you. As much as I don't really like Cyno, I love this kinds of jokes. Especially in English lol

[derekbnerdy]

I truly one hundred percent believe that Andor, if it hasnt already, is gonna be known as THE BEST Star Wars television content. Some people will argue that title would go to either The Mandalorian or The Clone Wars and honestly if I didn't follow Andor as faithfully as I did then I would be one of the people saying that The Clone Wars Is the best. Andor some very intense depth to it and it felt the most real. Cassian's friends on ferrix feel like they could be your friends or family especially in the season finale. Just like Maarva, Cassian's friends still love him despite some things he's done and respect him so much for wanting to come to his mother's funeral even though he's a wanted man and honestly, my friends would do the same.

The Character development in this show is absolutely amazing, not just the best in any Star Wars Television series but the best in any piece of Star Wars content period. Every single thing Cass goes through helps him to grow and gives him a similar journey Jynn went through to realize just how important it is to fight against the evil of the Empire. I really think his experience in the prison is what set him on the path to truly be a rebel. Sure he was against the empire before but he only did things that benefitted him like when he took the job to rob the imperial payroll. It's when they arrested him as a "tourist" for just witnessing something and sent him to a prison where he witnessed more of the empires cruelty that convinced him that there's more to fight for than just himself and his mission to find his sister. (which was never talked about again after the first two episodes for whatever reason) Speaking of the prison episodes, that was one of the most inspiring and also most heartbreaking parts of the whole show. Kino Loy went on the second best character developing journeys in the show. He went from an ass kissing supervisor to a man who's had enough and showed just how much he cared for his fellow inmates and led a prison break so these people could go back to living a normalish life. Watching him go through that growth made it so heartbreaking when he couldn't escape with everyone else just because he couldn't swim but in the end he was happy because his fellow inmates were given a second chance and he was the one who gave them that chance.

Let's talk about Luthen for a moment... I FUCKING LOVE LUTHEN. From his upbeat persona as a shop keep to a man who has sacrificed more than we'll ever know to be a contributing party to starting a rebellion in order to free the galaxy from tyranny. That speech he gave to the dude in the elevator... Wow that shit gave me chills.

It was also interesting to follow Mon Mothmas story. I like to think of her story in this show as an origin of a rebellion leader and like Luthen risks everything including her life and that of her families for a cause she believes in. Im really hoping we'll be able to see her and saw meet and eventually have a disagreement about how each of them do things.

The places we go to and visit in this series also makes this show feel more like star wars than anything else since the clone wars and possibly rebels. I think by far my favorite place in the show is ferrix because of how close everyone there is and how moving it is when they all come together in the end.

There's alot more to say about this show but I feel like if I don't stop here I probably never will. Over all I give this show a 9 out of 10. Everything about it is very well done however, the packing at some parts gets a little slower than necessary and after a certain amount of time it feels like we're made to stop wondering or caring about what happened to Cassian's sister.

Im very much looking forward to season two. I feel like the second season is when shit is really gonna go down. Now Ferrix has really had enough of the empires shit and Maarvas speech at the end was enough to light a fire in their hearts. I can't wait to see where we go and what we do next.

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

Upside Down - Chapter 31

Summary: Izani makes a decision

A/N: Hello Lovelies

I’m so glad you all loved Izani, she’s an amazing woman and I hope to portray that as much as possible.  Don’t worry Nerex is still there, they’ll be coming back, but let’s give them a chance to enjoy married life without us intruding on their life right now. 

Don’t forget Riyo Chuchi may be OOC, so please be kind.

So I’ve been thinking about how the story is progressing, and now that I have a somewhat clear direction, there will be stories from the TCW series that will be skipped. Plus since there’s not a lot of the 104th stories in the series, I shall be taking some liberties with those stories. 

Don’t worry it’s all leading somewhere. 

I think.

Anyways, LOVE OO!

Italics - flashback

Warnings: mentions of threats (vague), feelings of confusion, awkward flirting, police procedures, discussions of date, fluff, angst, kissing, arguing, sensations of not being good enough, clone prejudice (hinted),   I think that’s all of it, if I miss any please let me know.

AO3 Link   |   Words: 5,706   |   Previous - - - > Next

Upside Down Master List   |   Main Master List

DINNER

“Api” Izani was getting exasperated with the man in front of her.

“All I’m saying is that we’ve received quite a few complaints filled lately, I haven’t had a chance to go through them all to assign them.”

“Well,” Izani rubbed her forehead, good lord if this wasn’t for Fox, she’d just get up and walk away, “I just finished a case, so my docket’s free, want me to take it for you.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“Aren’t you behind on your cases?”

“Like that’s stopped anyone from assigning more cases”

“True” Api went through the datapads on his desk, pulling out the one from the Senators, “All right, well there’s really not much here” he stated as he scrolled through the datapad, “from what I can see a few of the families of the Senators received threats. Nothing tangible. Some notes left stating there will be further contact in the future, in the meantime it would behoove them to take care of their loved ones, stuff like that.”

“Behoove? Seriously?”

“Not lying, it actually says behoove on one of them”

“Can I take a look?” Api nodded as he handed the datapad, “It seems as though there is no pattern to the threats. Do these Senators all vote a certain way?”

He took a moment watching Izani, “Tell me does your brain always work that fast?”

“Helpful when you’re on your own in a seedy part of Coruscant”

Api smirked at her, he had heard she was an amazing investigator, brilliant strategist, he not only heard but had seen it, not only did she have a brilliant mind, but she was beautiful too, inside and out, often times the victims she helped would come and show their gratitude towards her diligence and kindness towards their investigation. With each passing day he had gotten to know her, his affections grew, and before he knew it his mouth took over, “Have dinner with me tonight”

Izani stilled, she didn’t want to move or acknowledge what he said, it’s not that he wasn’t attractive or a good investigator, or even a good man, he was all those things. Treated her with respect when many of her previous supervisors only deigned to give her any sort of investigation, but the idea of changing the relationship they had to a more intimate one, unnerved her more than she cared to admit, she cleared her throat focusing on the datapad, “Did any of the victims submit any of the notes?”

He felt the disappointment settle within him, he’d asked her out three times before, and he promised himself he’d ask her out once more and if she refused this time he wouldn’t broach the subject again, regardless of how much his heart pleaded with him. “Um …” he held out his hand for the datapad, looking up the case reference, “I know we received some, but I haven’t had a chance to really review them, wait one-second” he stood heading towards the evidence storage room. 

She wasn’t sure what to do, after all Api was quite respectful, he was kind, funny in his own way … but he wasn’t Fox. She couldn’t believe that notion flew through her mind, what kind of ridiculousness was that, of course he wasn’t Fox, how could he be. Fox was … Fox was … she let out a resigned sigh, Fox was charming when he wanted to be, funny, prickly, grumpy, stressed, worried, overtaxed, under appreciated, but despite what the Chancellor and Mas Amedda put him through, whenever he saw her, he always had a smirk on his face telling her he was happy to see her. 

Despite all that, the image of Fox’s face as he looked at Riyo came flooding to her mind, the way his eyes held so much affection and respect for the woman, the way his hands touched her ever so gently. The soft smile that was on his face as he looked at the Senator. How his cheeks had a deeper hue just from the close proximity of being with her. 

Ugh! Why did it bother her so much? 

Why did she care if he ran off with that woman? 

She was a kind Senator, a good person — except when it came to Fox. A strong and noble person, who had strong morals and cared for her people. Someone who was worthy to be by Fox’s side.

Then, why did it feel like a betrayal knowing he’d be returning to that woman? 

She was nothing to Fox, that much was evident by his response earlier. 

“Here it is” Api’s voice pulled her out of her musings as he handed her the evidentiary data recorder, she nodded her thanks as she pulled up the image of the notes. 

“Hmmm”

“See something of note?” He had a smirk on his lips, one thing he loved was puns.

“Well done, very punny.”

“I knew you’d appreciate my humour” he chuckled, “but in all seriousness see anything of interest?”

“Not necessarily, but I’ll have to take my time with this. Is this everything?” She motioned between the datapad and the recorder?

“Everything I have”

“Huh” her eyes kept roving over all the information that was before her.

“Does this mean you’re officially taking on the investigation?”

“Yeah, put me down for it”

“Done. I’m sure the Senators will be glad to know someone’s taking their case.”

“No prob” she stood putting the two objects in her pack, her leftovers from lunch still sitting there at the bottom of her bag, the argument she had with Fox flooding back in her mind. What was she doing? Was Hound right? No. She didn’t have feelings for Fox, she was just an overly concerned friend. If that was the case then why didn’t she want to go out with Api, after all he was her type, if she even really had a type. He’s not Fox. Ugh! That’s … she closed up her pack with a resolution in mind.

“As for dinner” she turned to look at Api, as she shouldered her pack, “why not in two days?”

Api was shocked, did he hear right, “Two days? Dinner? You and me?”

“You don’t want to?”

“No, I do. You do realize I asked you on a date, right?” He needed to make sure he understood where her mind was. 

“I know, so what do you say?”

“Yes!” Api’s face flushed at his enthusiasm, “I mean, yeah, I would love to” was this really happening? “Want me to comm you with the details?”

“Yeah, that be great” she smirked, “but if something major comes up with the investigation …”

“Don’t worry, if that happens I’ll understand, we can easily reschedule for another day, or we could have lunch together or something.”

She couldn’t help the smile that appeared, maybe this was better, he wasn’t Fox - not that that mattered — but he was a good man, “Then I look forward to hearing from you” she nodded her head and headed out. 

If Fox was able to go back to Riyo, then she could certainly give Api a chance, after all the scumbags and criminals she had to deal with on a regular basis, it be nice to spend time with someone who was a good man. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

“Mafs are you seriously saying you want me to bring Api to tag along when we go to dinner at Nerium’s place? Especially since tonight’s our first date! Let’s not forget there’s no guarantee I’m going to go to Nerium’s” Izani quirked her eyebrow at her friend, as she went over some interview notes.

“Pleeeease!” Mafs was not one to beg, but she would if it meant making Izani cave, “I’m bringing Lief, and you know he asks for you every chance he gets, always wondering about daddy’s partner”

She giggled thinking about the little womp rat, “How old is he now?” The smile on Izani’s face was only meant for Lief.

“Just turned five, can you believe it?”

“Wow, I still remember the night he was born, man Onem was going crazy trying to get to you. I think he even threatened one of the doctors at the hospital. It took all of my strength to keep him from killing the nurse barring his entrance”

“I remember, he told me.”

“Can’t believe it’s been three years”  ‘since he passed’ was the unspoken words passed between the two.

Mafs let out a sigh as she glanced over to the holopic of Onem and Izani from their first day as partners, “It seems so long ago when you guys first became partners.”

Izani followed her line of sight, “Yeah. He was the best partner I ever had, never made me feel I wasn’t capable simply because I was a woman, or questioned if I was thinking logically or emotionally. He was a really great guy. I miss him.”

“You don’t want another partner?” Mafs looked at her friend again, amazed at her authoritative presence but yet had such a delicate side to her, a side many didn’t see. 

“Ugh! Seriously? You know how much I would have to break them in, get them trained to all the best food spots, all the contacts I have” she shook her head as she looked at her notes, “No, thank you.”

“Then since you don’t have a partner, you could probably use a night out right? A night to relax, have some fun?”

Izani glanced over to her friend, who had the most innocent expression possible on her face, “Fine, but I’m not bringing Api”

“Why not?”

“Because this could be our first and only date”

“Then go on your date, tonight, and if everything goes well bring him to dinner”

“Bring who to dinner?” A voice called to them from Izani’s office door, Mafs turned to see quite a striking man, he had dark blue eyes, a smile that weakened her knees, and dark copper hair.

“Api” Izani nodded to the man, “something I can do for you?”

He stepped in walking over to her desk, nodding towards the woman sitting in front of his guard’s desk, “Hello, ma’am, I’m Api, Marshall Commander of the Senator Guards” he held out his hand to the woman who he deduced was Izani’s friend. 

“Pleasure Marshall Commander, I’m Mafs, friend of Iz’s.”

“What’s this about a dinner?”

“Oh, a friend of ours is having a dinner party, so I’m trying to convince her to join me”

“Why don’t you?” Api glanced towards Izani wondering why she wasn’t saying anything.

“I am, that’s not the problem” she couldn’t help locking eyes with the man, he was quite good looking, “was there something you needed?”

“Yeah, but I can come back…”

“Oh, no need” Mafs offered, standing from her seat, “I have to get going. Iz let me know if you are going to come, maybe we can travel together to her place.”

“All right, I’ll comm you tomorrow”

Mafs nodded accepting Izani’s statement, “Nice meeting you, Marshall Commander. Please make sure she’s well taken care of” she motioned toward her friend. Api simply nodded, smiling in agreement. 

Once it was just the two of them, Api turned to look at Izani, “I wanted to ask if you were ready for our dinner tonight?”

“I’m waiting to hear back from one Senator, but somehow” Izani glanced to the chrono on her desk, “I don’t think I’m going to hear back from them, since it’s already 20:30 hours.”

“Hmmm, which Senator?”

“The Senator from Malastare” 

“We could always swing by on our way to dinner”

Izani looked at her notes, she already left two messages, stopped by the man’s office, all in one day, “No. I may have already showed my hand, let’s leave it for now. Let me finish up, and I can be ready to go in ten”

“Sounds good” he smirked, he reached out to hold her hand, except he noticed how her hand tightened around her datapad, and her arm jumped at his action. Instead he placed his hand on the desk beside her arm, not wanting to push, “I’ll let you wrap things up, I’ll meet you downstairs, is that okay?”

“Yeah, that be great” Izani was hoping her relief wasn’t evident on her face, Api stood, offering one last smile, before he headed out of her office. The sensation of uneasiness was building in her chest when he came closer to her, she shook her head, what was wrong with her? Okay, so he wasn’t Fox, but he wasn’t a bad guy, why couldn’t she just relax around him? Despite the fact that she had an idea as to why it bothered her, she ignored what her mind was telling her and chalked it up to nerves. 

- - - - - - - - - - 

“Riyo, you look stunning” Fox took in the Senator’s outfit, the golden dress similar to the colour of her eyes hugged her in all the right areas. He was wearing his dress uniform, it felt odd to be so dressed up, but for her, he’d deal with any discomfort. 

“You look just as handsome” a smile etched across her face, as she took in her date. He offered his arm for her, “Always the gentleman” she teased as she took his arm.

“For you? Of course” they had agreed to meet close to the restaurant. Despite the fact she looked stunning, despite the fact his heart was beating quickly by being in her presence, in the back of his mind he kept hearing Izani’s voice ��what makes her think she handle this now that she couldn’t before?’  He’d been wanting to ask, but somehow he knew if he did, it wouldn’t be the answer he was hoping for. ‘I don’t want to see my best friend hurt’ ugh! Why wouldn’t her voice leave him, and why now, during the date? 

“You okay?” 

He looked at Riyo, “Yeah, why?”

“You appear lost in thought”

He’d hoped she hadn’t noticed, he wasn’t about to tell her the reason he was lost in thought was because he was thinking of what some other woman had mentioned, he shook his head, “Just thinking about a case, sorry. I’m here.”

“Good, because I pulled some strings for us to eat here” she smiled as they stood in front of one of the most exclusive restaurants on Coruscant. 

“Riyo, this is …”

“The owner owed me a favour, and no one will say anything about the fact you’re … you.”

Fox stopped in his steps, turning his body to look at Riyo, “What do you mean I’m me?”

“You know”

There it was, there was that sensation that never sat quite right when he was with her, and it was rearing it’s ugly head again. It’s not that she was prejudiced, not by a long shot, but she did value public opinion more, and as a Senator he could understand why she felt that way, “Riyo, there’s something I’ve always wanted to ask and never got a chance to before”

Riyo watched Fox’s expression, did she say something wrong? It wasn’t easy for someone like her to date a clone, there were more eyes on her, people watching who she spent her personal time with. Standing in front of a very exclusive restaurant, would lead to reporters camping out, waiting for the opportune moment to take a pic. She didn’t want Fox to suffer because of her, “Fox, maybe we should talk afterwards, is that okay?”

He let out a sigh but nodded, “Yeah, of course. Wouldn’t want to be late for our reservations, right?” He smiled, pushing aside the uneasiness that was beginning to rear its head, ‘it’s not easy being in a secret relationship where the other person could literally end up dead.’ 

As they entered the restaurant, he wondered if he could put Riyo through that again, the worry, the stress, the constant threat looming over head like a vibro axe ready to fall. Maybe he was the one being selfish in wanting to be back together with her, but she did make him happy. ‘I want you to be happy … whatever decision you make, please make sure that it’s because you want it and it’ll make you happy …’

He followed the host who directed them to a corner table, he noticed it was a darker corner than the other areas of the restaurant, no windows in and around the area. Right. That’s why she didn’t mind going to a restaurant, because no one would be able to see them together here. 

His hand clenched against his thigh, why the hell was it bothering him so much? This never use to bother him before, he remembered the numerous times they would go to the most unknown or seedy restaurants as she dressed in disguise so they would go out for their date, or the amount of times they stayed indoors for their dates, because she felt uncomfortable being in public. He was being ridiculous, this is what he’s been wanting, another chance with Riyo, so why couldn’t he just be happy.

“The food here is really amazing” her voice cut through his own thoughts, pulling him back to where he was. 

“What do you recommend?” He glanced at the menu, he had to stifle a laugh at the title of some of the dishes, if Iz was here with him, she would be making jokes at some of the names. Maker, why did his mind keep going back to her!

“The owner recommended the Mando-riding noddles”

“I’m sorry, the what?” Fox tilted his head towards Riyo, he couldn’t have heard right.

“That’s what they’re called, the Mando-riding noodles”

Fox blinked a few times as he processed the name, really fighting the urge to laugh at the ridiculous name, when a laughter he knew all too well filled the restaurant from a table over. He was positive, he had been mistaken, after all why would she be here? 

“Oh look, Izani’s here” Riyo had turned her head to the sound of laughter that filled the restaurant, it was a fairly loud cheerful laugh that seemed out of place in such a restaurant “Wow, she looks great, so different from her usual outfit.” She couldn’t help notice how Izani’s hair was quite long, longer than she realized since her hair was always in a bun, it was gathered all to one side, wrapped over her shoulder. The outfit she wore was feminine and very becoming on her as well, quite different from the usual Senator Guards’ uniform she wore on a regular basis. “Her date is quite good-looking too” she kept filling the silence between her and Fox; she noticed how he didn’t react, simply narrowed his eyes at Izani’s table, “Fox?”

“Hmm” he looked from Iz to Riyo, “Sorry, what?”

“You okay?”

He glanced quickly from Riyo back to Iz, why was she here with Api? Why was she laughing at his joke? Why was she dressed like that? They must be here for work, that’s it! She’s here on a stakeout, maybe pretending to be on a date in order to tail someone. He shook his head, paying attention to his date once again, “Sorry, yeah. It was weird to see them here”

“I didn’t realize she was dating anyone” 

“Oh, I don’t think they’re dating” his voice lowered, “I think they’re here for work.”

Riyo glanced back over to the two, she noticed the nervous smile on Izani’s lips, the way she kept fidgeting with her hair, how the man with her was trailing his fingers over her hand. It was all quite intimate. They had barely glanced at anyone except each other, it was as though they were in a world of their own, “I may not know what working as a Senator Guard looks like, but I know what it looks when two people are on a date. Those two” she motioned with her finger, “are on a date” she couldn’t help smile at watching the woman she knew for so long enjoy her evening. She deserved it, she worked harder than anyone she’d ever known before. 

At Riyo’s statement, Fox reexamined the table where his best friend sat. Taking in every minute gesture, every smile, every glance between the two. How did he miss it? Those two were on a date! Wait. Maybe they had to appear as though they were on a date. Yeah! This was a stake out, and they were very good at their job, that’s what it was. 

“Fox, you keep staring at them and you’re going to make them uncomfortable” what she really wanted to say was he was making her uncomfortable.

“Sorry, you’re right” he refocused on Riyo, “so what should we order?” He kept pushing the knowledge that Iz was there with Api out of his mind, forcing himself not to look and keep focus on the woman in front of him. 

“I’m going to go with the Bantha tartar on a bed of Pantoran rice.”

“That sounds great”

“What are you going to get?”

“I’m going to get …” his thought never finished as Iz’s laugh reached his ears again, he tightened his hold on the menu, focusing on the dishes in front of him. “I’m going to …” again her laugh broke his concentration, for kriff’s sakes, what was wrong with him! 

“I could recommend something if you are having trouble” Riyo offered as she gave him the loveliest smile he’d seen on her face. 

“There are so many dishes that look amazing, I can’t decide which one I want to try” he matched Riyo’s smile, hoping to focus back on the here and now, despite the fact all he really wanted was one of Iz’s sandwiches. Wait … didn’t she say she was going to be busy with the case regarding the threats the Senators’ received. That’s right she said, she’d ‘have to … dig up any information on those senators …’ Of course! That’s why she was here! A place frequented by Senators, it made sense. It was definitely not a date. 

“Ah, Monsieur Api, a pleasure to see you here, and who is this charming date of yours?” Fox peeked over from behind his menu, he noticed how Api took Iz’s hand in his, in response to the woman who stood by their table. 

“This is Captain Izani Asal, a brilliant woman and detective, she’s one of the Senators’ Guards.”

“Mademoiselle it is a pleasure. You have a good man here” she placed her hand on his shoulder, “I have known Api since he was a youngling, his mother and I were great friends.”

He saw the smile that etched across her face, why was she putting on such an act? Come on! It wasn’t necessary to make it seem like they were really on a date.

“Do you have any holo pics from when he was a kid, something I could tease him with?”

“Most definitely…”

“Not!” Api cut her off, “You don’t have any” he drew a straight line mid-air with his free hand.

“Api, you are not a Jedi” the older woman smirked, “and don’t worry Izani, I’ll make sure to send you a copy of some very adorable pictures. Also, don’t worry about the bill, dinner’s on me tonight.”

“Oh we couldn’t…” Iz started, but the older woman simply shook her head, reiterating she wasn’t going to take no for an answer, and simply walked away promising to take care of the bill. Izani simply tilted her head at Api smiling, “You are quite surprising, you know that?”

He simply shrugged his shoulders, “This may be our one and only date, had to pull out all the stops.”

She smiled as she bit her bottom lip, nodding, “Good call. Excuse me, I just need to use the refresher for a quick sec”

“No worries, take your time. I’m not going anywhere” Api wanted to cherish this moment with her for as long as possible. 

Fox watched as Iz stood from her seat, and headed towards the refreshers, this was his chance, maybe he could help her during this stakeout, “Riyo, I’m just gonna use the refresher real quick, why don’t I take you up on your offer and you just surprise me with whatever you recommend.”

“All right, I’ll make sure to find the best thing for you” she felt her face flush as she took in the man who was impossible to give up. No matter how scared she was about their future, or how uneasy she was being with him in the public eye, she couldn’t give him up. 

He simply nodded and headed to the refreshers, he stood in the hallway in front of them waiting for Iz to come out. Maybe this was wrong of him, maybe he should just focus on Riyo, but until he knew the real reason she was here with him, he wouldn’t be able to sit there and give his date his full attention. Gods, why couldn’t he just forget that Iz was there with Api? 

“Fox?” 

He glanced up to see Iz’s eyes watching him, taking him in, he felt his heart quicken, a cold sweat break out down his spine, his hands began to feel clammy. “Iz” he nodded, “thought you were busy with the Senators” he didn’t understand why his voice was fully of annoyance, where was this coming from?

“Excuse me?” Her eyebrows rose against her forehead as she tilted her head to him, was he seriously asking her why she was there?

“You heard me, you couldn’t see me today because you were busy with the Senators”

“Yeah, I was and now I’m not” she shrugged her shoulders, “Why do you care if I’m here?”

“You’re here because of a stakeout right?”

“What?” She was seriously confused by this conversation, “Are you drunk?”

“No” Fox was taken aback by her question, why would she think he was drunk.

“Why do you think I’m on a stakeout?” Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to follow the conversation she was having.

“Why else would you be with Api?”

She glanced over to the main dining hall, as she shifted from in front of the woman’s refresher, “Because we’re on a date.” 

“No, you’re not” Fox shook his head not accepting the answer, “You can tell me the truth, I’m here to help.”

“Fox, with all due respect, what the kriff are you talking about?”

“The fact you and Api are clearly here on a stakeout for the case”

Izani tilted her head back looking to the ceiling as she took in a deep breath, “Fox, this isn’t a stakeout”

“There’s no way you’re here with him”

“Come again?”

“You wouldn’t date him”

“Oh I wouldn’t?”

“No. You couldn’t”

“Now, I couldn’t? Is this because of what I said regarding Riyo? Listen, you made your choice, otherwise why would you be in this fancy-ass restaurant dressed to the nines if you were not on a date with her.”

“That’s neither here nor there”

“No. I think it’s right where it should be. Why do you care?”

“What?”

“Why do you care if I’m here with Api? You’re here with Riyo focus on her” Izani stepped away from their hidden corner, her intention was to walk back to her date, when Fox’s hand wrapped around her arm, pulling her back. 

“I would love to focus on my date” he seethed out, “problem is I can’t get your kriffing voice out of my head, and then to make matters worse, your kriffing laugh keeps pulling me from my date.”

“And somehow … what? That’s my fault?”

“Yes!”

“Explain this to me, how is you not able to focus on your date, my fault?”

“Why did you have to say all that stuff before?”

“All I did Fox was point out the obvious, and if I remember correctly, didn’t you tell me, ‘I’ll do what makes me happy’ so go. Do what makes you happy.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do”

“Then go back to your table” Izani motioned with her hand back to the dining hall, “you choose to ignore my advice, so choose to ignore me and my date.” She pulled her arm out of his hold, as she moved away from him.

Fox watched in slow motion as she pulled away, as she started to walk away. A sensation of fear gripped him from within in, how could she just walk away? How could she seem fine when he felt as though his heart was breaking inside? How could she say she wanted to see him happy, but didn’t care that she was making him miserable?

“You’re really fine if I go back to Riyo and enjoy my date, it doesn’t bother you?” His voice was sharper than any two edge blade, and driven straight at her.

Izani stopped, she had barely moved away from him, she turned to look at Fox, she couldn’t understand him. “Fox, you made your choice. In fact, you were very adamant about trying this again with her, regardless of what I had to say. So why does it bother you so much that I’m here with someone?”

Why did it bother him? Why did it bother him that her smile and laughter was for Api? Why did it bother him when he saw Api caress her hand? Or the ease of conversation between the two? Why did it bother him, that Api was a better man than him? Shouldn’t he be happy his best friend was with someone who knew how to treat her properly? He could never bring her to a place like this on his own. He could never afford the dishes that were offered. 

“If you’re not going to say anything, I’m heading back to my table. I personally think you must be concussed, maybe you got hit on the head today. It’s the only logical explanation for you to be acting so off. Fox, make sure to avoid drinking any alcohol, it won’t help if you are” he watched as she turned away again, but something inside him told him he couldn’t let her go. He couldn’t just let her walk away without her knowing. Without her realizing the truth. 

In that moment, he had no idea what came over him, as he grabbed her hand pulled her back to him in one motion. He cupped the back of her head and planted his lips against hers, kissing her with all the passion he felt in that moment for her, it took her a second before she began kissing him back. He didn’t break the kiss, or stop, even as her back bumped against the wall. He couldn’t stop himself, as this overwhelming urge of desire made him deepen the kiss. 

Izani was shocked, she never expected this reaction from him, never imagined in her wildest dreams that he would take the initiative like this or even kiss her on the forehead. Yet, despite how much she wanted to continue the kiss, she kept thinking of the fact there were two people waiting for them in the dining hall. She pushed Fox off, as she wiped away the evidence of their kiss.

“What the hell are you doing!”

“I … I couldn’t …”

“Riyo is out there waiting for you! You made a promise to her to give it another go, and you have the audacity to try and kiss me?” Her anger was bridled as her eyes narrowed on him.

“You kissed me back”

“You kissed me first” her anger dissipated.

“You pulled me in”

“You pulled me in first” her eyes soften as she took him in.

“Well you ran your hand through my hair” Fox rested his hand by her head.

“Well … your hand went from the back of my head to my lower back” Izani’s voice became quieter as she took in Fox’s swollen lips as the tension began to grow again. 

“You wrapped your arms around my neck” Fox took a step closer leaning in.

“You deepened the kiss” she leaned into him as well.

“You tilted your head so I could deepen the kiss” his thumb trailed along her bottom lip.

She shook her head stepping away from him, “We can’t do this”

“Why not?”

“Because you and I are on a date with two other people. It would be dishonest to them, and to ourselves. I won’t do that to Api or Riyo. He’s a good man and she’s an exceptional woman.” She walked away from him, “I’m going back to finish my date, I suggest you do the same.”

“We have to talk about this?”

“About what Fox? Can you really see us together? Do you even really have feelings for me, or is it because you don’t want to lose your best friend? You’ve never shown an ounce of inclination towards me in all the time we have known each other, so why now? Hmm?” She ran her forefinger over her lips, wiping away the evidence she felt was still visible, “You don’t want me Fox, you just don’t want anyone else to have me.”

“That’s not true”

“Then why at this moment did you choose to do something? Why not the other day when I left your office?” She shook her head, “I’m sorry Fox, but what you’re feeling right now isn’t because you’re interested in me. You’re just confused” she didn’t wait for his answer as she headed back to the dining hall.

He didn’t know what to say, was she right? Was he simply confused? Was this all a big mistake? He threw himself against the same wall he had pressed Izani into, running his hands through his hair. What was he feeling?

Izani pushed the tingling sensation of Fox’s mouth against hers out of her mind. She wasn’t going to tell Api what happened, that wouldn’t be fair to him, and it wouldn’t be right. It would simply be her hurting him for the sake of hurting him. Yet, all she could think about was the way Fox’s hands felt against her body, how his body pressed against hers. She shook her head, pushing those thoughts aside, as she retook her seat, smiling at the date she wished was someone else. 

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[never-not-ever]

One of my patients yesterday told me I was doing a great job and I know she actually meant it. She’s a nursing student and so sweet. She was one of the first patients whose name I remembered just because she was so nice to me. Her compliment really meant a lot to me and I feel like I’m going to remember her for the rest of my career and I truly mean that.

Yesterday was my second day off orientation and it went great! They split the unit into two groups and I had one groups breakfast, morning snack and afternoon snack. Each group is then split into two dining rooms and for breakfast and morning snack I was in the bigger dining room with another MHC which was helpful but for the afternoon snack I was in the smaller dining room alone… I was nervous at first but I only had like 5 patients and they all did 100! I think I handled that meal pretty well by myself. I’m still a little nervous about meal times but I know I can do it on my own now. 

I was off today and it felt amazing to sleep in late. I fell asleep last night not having to set any alarms which is the best thing ever. I’m working a double tomorrow and it was supposed to be my first day off orientation but my supervisor took me off early cause I was doing so well. The lead MHC who was training me these past two weeks is doing a double tomorrow as well so I’m not nervous cause I know she’ll be super helpful if I need her but she’s also training a new person in the morning so I don’t want to be a pain. 

Also I had therapy today and it was so helpful and ugh I love my therapist so much! It’s super helpful that she’s worked in the eating disorder field and still does a group a week at this place where I almost got a job at lol. We literally spent the whole session talking about work and how strange it is being on the other side and also hearing staff talking about various mental health disorders (like bpd), making comments etc. It was mainly my last two shifts on orientation with the adult IP unit. All my coworkers on the adolescent unit are a lot more sensitive and respectful and I’m so glad that I’m not going to be floating between the two units. 

Should probably get to sleep I guesssss

[alisonsfics]

Change Our Fates (Part Four)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Y/N has always been head over heels for Spencer. The team decides to go out for drinks after finishing a case. When Spencer drunkenly kisses Y/N, will it change her life for better, or for worse?

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: Some brief mentions of cheating and hooking up, and a whole lot of fluff

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 5

You were getting ready to head into work. You checked the clock and realized you were running late. You grabbed your shoes and ran into the living room to grab your work bag. You quickly slid the shoes on your feet and grabbed the bag with your empty hand. You made sure you had your badge and you looked down, making sure you had everything.

You had been so elated when you came home yesterday that you forgot to set your alarm. Last night, you had finally made up with Spencer. Nothing could bring you down, you were on cloud nine.

Then, you heard a knock on the door. You quickly ran over to the door, hoping it wouldn’t take too long. You were already late and you didn’t want to make it any worse.

You opened the door and saw the last person you expected. It was Hotch. He was just standing there. He looked exactly the same as the last time you saw him.

You were surprised to say the least. “Hotch? Hi, it’s been so long. How are you? How is Jack” You said, stunned. He gave you a small smile. “I’m okay. Jack is doing great, how has Human Services been treating you?” He asked you, sincerely.

“It’s been good. It’s nothing like working at the BAU. I miss you guys so much, but I learned to roll with the punches” You told him, honestly. You still had no idea why he was here. “That’s good, I knew you would do amazing there. You’re great at your job” he complimented you.

You appreciated it. You knew Hotch didn’t give compliments often, so you learned to embrace it when he did. “Thank you sir. And with all due respect, is there a reason you’re here? It’s amazing to see you and catch up. But, I feel like that isn’t why you’re here” you asked him, curiously.

He chucked to himself. “Well it’s good to see you haven’t lost your touch as a profiler. I came to talk you to about something related to the Bureau” he told you. You tried to read his expression, but you couldn’t tell if this was bad or good news.

“I’m actually really late for work right now. Is there a way we could discuss this maybe at lunch today? I have an hour off for lunch” you suggested, not wanting to get fired. You saw Hotch smirk to himself. “This is about work” he told you, minimally.

You were even more confused. “What do you mean?” You asked him. He paused for a second. “When you left the BAU, we hired a replacement to fill in your spot. But she is being transferred to the New York office. So we have an opening. And I spoke to your supervisors and they have approved your transfer if you are willing. You can have all the time you need to think about it” he told you.

You were blown away. This was an amazing opportunity. Working at the BAU had been the highlight of your life. You loved helping people and you got to work with your best friends.

“I don’t need any time to think about it. I would love to work at the BAU again. Does any of the team know yet?” You asked him, curiously. He shook his head. “No, I didn’t tell them. Just in case you declined, I didn’t want them to get disappointed” he told you.

You couldn’t get rid of the grin on your face. “I can’t believe this. Thank you so much” you said, sincerely. “Of course. You were my first thought when looking for a replacement. Now since you accepted, it is effective immediately. I can drive you, if you want” he offered. You nodded. “Yes of course, that would be great” you said, smiling.

You both walked outside and got into the SUV. Hotch started to drive towards Quantico. You noticed Hotch had a specific look on his face. You could tell he wanted to ask you something, but was hesitating.

“Just ask me” you told him, bluntly. You could tell you startled him. He didn’t think he had been that easy to read. “About you and Reid...” he started to say. Then it clicked. He was worried that you two still weren’t talking and that it would jeopardize the team.

“No, you don’t have to worry about that. We’re friends again. There is no more fighting, I promise. We aren’t going to jeopardize the team like that again” you swore to him. Hotch looked over at you. “I was just asking because I was worried about you two. I saw you two become best friends. You both are better together than apart. I wasn’t worried about you putting the team in danger. I know neither of you would ever do that” he told you.

Then you pulled into the Quantico parking lot. It felt good to be back. You both got out of the car and walked inside.

You were a mixture of nervous and elated. You were finally going to see the team after four years, but you were nervous for their reactions. You both walked into the bullpen and you felt the familiar sense of home.

You didn’t see anyone at their desks. If you knew your friends like you definitely did, they were getting coffee in the kitchen. You decided to go see if Penelope was in her office. You walked into the doorway.

You saw the blonde sitting at her desk, typing away. “Hey babygirl” you said, purposefully lowering your voice and you leaned against the doorframe. Penelope spun around and her eyes lit up when they saw you.

“Y/N!” She exclaimed. You walked over to her and she pulled you straight into her arms. “It’s so good to see you. It’s been too long” she said, holding you tightly. You could tell she was smiling, you had the same huge grin on your face. You both pulled away from each other.

“So what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” She asked, as you both sat down. You could hardly contain your smile. “I’m back, Garcia” you said, smiling. Her jaw dropped. “You’re back, like in the BAU back?” She asked you, shocked. You just nodded.

Before she could say anything, someone appeared in the doorway. You both looked over and saw Derek standing there. “Hey Garcia—wait Y/N?” He asked, genuinely shocked. “She’s coming back, Derek” Penelope said, hardly able to contain herself.

Derek processed what was happening for a second. “That’s amazing. Come here, little mama” he said, walking towards you. You stood up to give him a hug. “I’ve missed you so much” you told him, honestly. He wrapped his arms around your waist and then picked you up off the ground.

You giggled as you felt your feet leave the ground. “It’s so good to have you back” Derek said, as he squeezed you tighter. He finally placed you back down on your feet. He gave you a quick kiss on the temple.

“So who knows?” Penelope asked you, curiously. “You two and Hotch. He showed up at my front door this morning” you told them both.

“Well then, come on! Let’s go say hi to everyone” Derek said, putting his arm around you and Penelope followed you both out of her office. Once you entered the bullpen, you saw Emily was at her desk. JJ was sitting on the side of Emily’s desk and they both were talking.

The three of you walked over to them. “Y/N, you’re here?” JJ said, in shock. She stood up and gave you a quick hug. “So what’s going on? Did you want to visit us because we are all amazing friends?” Emily joked, causing you to giggle.

“Not exactly. I just thought you should know that you’re going to be seeing me a whole lot more” you told them both, smirking. You saw both their faces light up. “Wait, are back in the BAU? That’s amazing” JJ said, smiling at you. “That’s great news. Why didn’t you tell me before?” Emily asked you, curiously. “Well, I only found out this morning” you said, giggling.

“You need to go talk to Reid, he’ll be so excited. I think I saw him making a cup of coffee. Go see him” Penelope told you, smirking. They all agreed and smirked at you. Even after all these years, they were still shipping you and Spencer.

As you walked away, you heard Emily telling the rest of the team about your conflict between Spencer and Trevor. You didn’t mind at all. It was easier, now you didn’t have to tell all of them.

You walked into the kitchen. You saw Spencer standing there, pouring obscene amounts of sugar in his coffee. “A little heavy on the sugar, huh?” You asked, smiling.

He eyes snapped up to meet yours. He was at a loss for words. He didn’t expect to see you here, this morning. “I—uhh hi. Is something going on?” He asked you, sincerely.

“Oh nothing much, I just got transferred back to the BAU, no big deal” you said, nonchalantly. Spencer just stared at you. He was trying to figure out if you were kidding. He didn’t know what to believe. “Please tell me this isn’t a joke” he said, almost to himself.

“It’s not a joke, Spence” you said, softly. He rushed over to you and wrapped his arms around your waist, tightly. You couldn’t help but smile. You felt him nuzzle his face into your neck. You didn’t complain. You had missed your hugs with Spencer. You subconsciously started rocking back and forth. You always used to do that when you were comforting Spencer.

“I’ve missed you so much, Y/N” Spencer said, softly. “You don’t have to miss me now. You’re not going to lose me again” you promised him.

You started to pull away, but Spencer stopped you. He put your arms back around him. “Not yet” he whispered in your ear. He relaxed back into your embrace. “Are you okay?” You asked him, concerned.

“I’m okay, I’ve just really needed this” he said, softly. You couldn’t agree more.

You both finally pulled away. “So you’re really back?” He asked, still in shock. You stepped closer to him and placed your hands on his chest. “Yes, I’m really back” you told him, smiling.

For a split second, you saw Spencer’s eyes glance down towards your lips. You almost thought you imagined it. Did Spencer really want to kiss you?

Before you could do anything, someone came in the room. You looked over your shoulder and you saw Rossi standing there “Come here kid, I heard you’re back in the BAU?” Rossi said, stepping towards you.

You pulled away from Spencer and Rossi pulled you in for a hug. Rossi was like a dad to you and it had been hard to not see him for four years. “Yep, I’m officially back” you told him, smiling.

“It’s good to have you back, kid” Rossi said, as you both pulled away. “It’s good to be back. I’ve missed you all” you said, gently placing your hand on Spencer’s arm.

“So are you two finally together?” Rossi asked, clearly not being up to date. Both yours and Spencer’s eyes went wide. “No no no” you said, quickly. “Y/N, is uhhh—engaged” Spencer said, sounding disappointed.

You looked over at Spencer, trying to see if you made up the disappointed tone. He just gave you a weak smile. “Well I’ll let you kids get back to your conversation” Rossi said, leaving the room.

“Sooo” Spencer said, stalling. “What?” You asked him, curiously. He fidgeted with his hands for a second. You took his hands into yours, knowing it would calm him down.

His eyes met yours and he smiled at you. “So, I know you said no yesterday because you had plans. But, maybe you could stay over tonight. Tomorrow is our day off anyway” he suggested to you, timidly.

“I would love to. You don’t have to be nervous to ask me to hang out. We’re still best friends” you told him, honestly. He breathed a sigh of relief. You found yourself getting lost in his eyes.

“We should probably go get started on our paperwork. We don’t want Hotch to fire you, before you’ve even started” Spencer joked. You giggled to yourself and you saw his cheeks flush red. “Come on then” you said, grabbing his hand and pulling him with you, into the bullpen.

Everyone was back at their desks, doing their work. You sat down at your desk, which was next to Spencer’s. It felt good to be back, it felt natural.

The day went by super fast. You had spent all day getting caught back up and doing paperwork. You finally finished your last form and you leaned back in your chair. You were mentally exhausted.

“So are you ready?” You heard someone say behind you. You turned around and saw Spencer standing behind you, with his bag over his shoulder. “Yeah, I’m ready” you said, standing up. You tidied your desk and grabbed your work bag.

“I have never been more exhausted” you said, as you both started to walk towards the door. You leaned your head on Spencer’s head as you were walking. It seemed to shock him, but he put his arm around your shoulders.

“You don’t have to come over tonight, if you want to go home and sleep” Spencer told you. “Are you kidding? I’ve been looking forward to this all day” you told him, feeling content.

It scared you how much you and Spencer acted like a couple. It made you question where your true feelings stood. You had been trying to figure out if you were over Spencer. And you still couldn’t come up with an answer.

“Bye you two” Derek said, smirking as you both walked past him. “Awww it’s so cute to see them reunited” Penelope said to Derek, who she was standing next to.

“Bye guys” you and Spencer both said. You got to Spencer’s car and he opened the door for you. “Thanks Spence” you said, kissing him on the cheek. You hadn’t even realized that you had done it, until you saw him start to blush.

Before, Spencer and you had always been very touchy. It was just a part of your friendship. You were always holding hands or hugging. But you had both been single. You weren’t sure if you were supposed to act different because you were engaged. Was all the hugging and touching you had done wrong?

It wasn’t like you were kissing him or making out or anything. It was just friendly, so was there an issue? Would Trevor be okay with what you were doing? You assumed he would be, Spencer was one of your oldest friends. You figured Trevor would understand that.

Spencer started to drive and eventually after fifteen minutes, you were parked in front of Spencer’s house. He once again rushed to open your door for you. You thanked him and you both went inside.

You both set your bags down by the front door. Spencer turned to face you. “Can we still cuddle?” He asked you, unsure. You thought about it for a second. He didn’t know if you both could still cuddle, since you were engaged. You both were trying to figure out this friendship 2.0.

“I don’t see who’s going to stop us” you said, smiling. You didn’t see the harm. It was just cuddling. A smile grew on his face. He leaned over to you and hugged you. You wrapped your arms around him. Then you felt his hands on the back of your thighs. “Do you want me to jump? You asked, giggling.

“Mm-hmm” he mumbled. You jumped slightly off the ground. Spencer held you up and you wrapped your legs around his torso. “This is new” you said, pulling slightly away from him, so you could look him in the eyes.

“Well it lets me hug you” he said, smiling at you. Spencer had never been this touchy before. Normally, the cuddling was started by you. You just figured it was because he missed you.

Spencer walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. You still had your legs around his torso and were now in his lap. “So how about I order Chinese food from that place you like?” Spencer asked you. You nodded and buried your head into Spencer’s neck. You were so sleepy from the long day of work. Spencer felt warm and cozy to you.

It was taking all of your effort to not fall asleep on him. “Are you tired?” He asked you and you just nodded. He used his hands to rub circles on your back. It only made you relax more.

You started to doze off as Spencer got out his phone to call the Chinese restaurant. About twenty minutes later, you woke up to the smell of Chinese food. You looked around and you saw you were in Spencer’s bed. He had tucked you in. You smiled to yourself at the sweet gesture.

You got out of his bed and walked into the kitchen. He was standing there putting the food on plates. “Oh, you’re awake” he said, shocked. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I was just so tired after today” you explained. “You don’t have to apologize, you’re allowed to be tired. You fell asleep on top of me, it was actually kind of cute” Spencer added and you felt your cheeks heat up. You felt like this conversation was heading somewhere it shouldn’t, so you changed the subject.

“The food looks really good” you said, eyeing the dishes. “Here’s yours” he said, handing you a plate. You both walked into the living room. He quickly turned on the television and you watched it as you ate.

You finished before him. Once you both were done, you brought the plates to the sink and washed them. You came back into the living room.

You held your hands open for a hug. He opened his arms and you crawled into his lap again. You wrapped your legs behind him and you both just held each other. It felt weirdly intimidate.

“So is it time for bed?” Spencer asked you. You nodded your head. “Yes please” you said, softly. He stood up carefully so he didn’t drop you.

Spencer started to walk towards his bedroom. Once he got there, he laid you down on the bed. In your sleepy state, you forgot to let go of Spencer. So, he fell right on top of you.

Neither of you knew what to do. He was laying on top of you in bed, and you were both a bit flustered. “I — umm. I’m sorry” he said, rolling over so he was next to you. You felt so embarrassed.

You both got under the blankets. You felt a warm hand placed on your side. You looked over at Spencer. He pulled you by your hips so you were pressed up against each other. Spencer laid on his back, and you rested your head on his chest.

Slowly but surely, you both started to fall asleep. While you were asleep, both yours and Spencer’s legs became entangled.

You woke up in the morning. You felt rejuvenated from a good nights sleep. You realized how close you were to Spencer. You were practically laying on top of him.

Then, you noticed that you felt his arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close to him. You were about to move when he woke up. “Hey” he said, while his eyes adjusted to the light. “Hey you” you said, smiling.

He realized how closely you both were laying and he started to blush. You both separated and then got out of bed. “So did you sleep good?” He asked you, as he started to make the bed. “I slept perfectly” you said, as you walked over to him.

You looked up at him and he pulled you into a hug. “Would you mind giving me a ride home?” You asked him. “Yeah of course” he said, giving your hand a squeeze.

You found your shoes and slipped them on your feet. Once you both were ready, you grabbed your stuff and you both walked to Spencer’s car.

It was a relatively quick drive to your house. Spencer pulled up in front of your house and you looked over at him. You got out of the car and he walked over to your side.

“Come here” he said, holding his arms out for you. You gladly accepted and hugged him back. You both lingered longer than normal. “I should get going” you told him, pulling away. He grabbed your hands and you felt butterflies in your stomach. “I had a really good time last night, Y/N. So I’ll see you at work tomorrow?” He said to you.

“Yep, I’ll see you at work. Thank you for last night” you said, sincerely. You kissed the back of his hand and then you walked up to your front door. You waved to Spencer as he drove away, and then you walked inside.

You saw Trevor sitting at the kitchen table, drinking his coffee. “Where have you been?” Trevor asked you, seeming concerned and stressed. You had totally forgotten to tell Trevor that you were spending the night with Spencer. All last night, it just felt like old times and it slipped your mind.

“I was sleeping over at a friends house. I’m sorry that I didn’t text you. I was just super tired last night” you apologized. He just looked relieved that you were okay. “So did you and Emily have a fun time?” Trevor asked you, sincerely.

You hesitated. “It...it wasn’t Emily” you said, wanting to be honest. Trevor looked unsure of what to think. “So who was it?” He asked you, confused.

“I was at Spencer’s place” you told him, hesitantly. “Who the hell is Spencer?” He asked, since you had only brought him up a few times. “He's my best friend. We were in a weird fight when I met you. We hadn’t spoken in four years. But, we just recently made up and I’m back working at the BAU with him. I just hadn’t gotten to telling you yet. Please don’t be mad” you apologized.

“I’m not mad. I just wish you told me” he told you, honestly. He walked over to you and you saw his expression change. He just stopped dead in his tracks.

“What?” You asked him, confused. “Come here” he said, as he stepped closer to you. He leaned his head in towards your neck and he smelled you. “Why do you smell like his cologne?” He asked you, trying to not act mad.

You panicked. It seemed worse than it actually was.

“I uhhh...I don’t know” you lied. “Y/N” Trevor said, getting frustrated. “Before you get mad, we’ve always been super close and we’ve always cuddled. So we may have slept together. Not like actually...but like in the same bed” you explained, nervously.

Trevor put his head in his hands. You could hear him sigh in frustration. “Please don’t be mad” you begged him. “I think I’m allowed to be mad. You stayed the night at some guys house. You claim he’s your best friend, but I’ve never met him. And you come home smelling like his cologne. You say that it was just friendly, but how do I know? You both could have hooked up, I wouldn’t know. What if you just made up that you’re friends and you’re actually just sleeping with someone” he argued.

“I’ve mentioned him before. I know I told you about the fight I had with Spencer. I wouldn’t lie to you about anything. And I would never cheat on you, I can’t believe you would think that” You said, walking out the front door.

You sat down on the front steps of your house. You wrapped your arms around your knees, after you realized how cold it was. You heard the door open behind you and then Trevor was sitting beside you. “Look, Y/N I’m sorry. I got insecure, but I think that is understandable. I just need to ask you one question” Trevor told you.

“Anything” you told him, leaning your head on his shoulder. “You don’t have any feelings for Spencer, right?” He asked you, you could hear the insecurity in his voice. You turned to face him.

“I used to, years ago, before I met you. We have a complicated past and there used to be feelings there. But, Spence and I are just friends” you told him. He sighed and put his head in his hands.

“God, I can’t, Y/N. Spence? Look at it from my perspective. You sound like you’re in love with him. Please just promise me there’s nothing more there” Trevor begged you. “I swear, we’re just friends. I am all in with you” you promised.

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[wevegottogetaway]

Thanks fo’ saving my ass tonight

I got so much going on with uni, but I couldn’t resist. If you too are queen/king of procrastinating uni work, you have my deepest support! Hope you enjoyed x

TW: none (except fool language)

Part 2    -    Part 3*

Office parties have never been y/n’s cup of tea, the idea of enjoying yourself in the very place people usually count down the hours before they can leave, is rather ludicrous in her humble opinion. Alas as the boss’ personal assistant, she not only had to plan and organize the whole shebang but her presence was also required, supervision purposes and all that. The only solace sweetening the deal for her was that she’d be in charge of the catering too, and y/n learnt very early on that good food and greater booze could make any boring work function at least tolerable.

Now that the festivities are in full swing, conversation flowing almost as heartily as the champagne in the guests’ eager mouths, y/n thinks she did quite well. The vast open space of the office is decorated with taste, the music set at the perfect level as to not overpower the boring chitchat bouncing off its walls, and to her greatest delight, the catering company she hired has truly outdone themselves. All in all, everybody seems to be having a grand time, and y/n decides that’s reason enough to officially relieve herself of her supervisor’s duties.

As she scans over the assortment of canapés, mini-quiches, crudités and other mouth-watering ambrosias, y/n fails to notice the tall figure casually approaching her. She’s in the midst of pondering whether she should try the humous or a cream cheese and salmon toast first, mouth salivating and stomach growling in appetite, when a raspy voice interrupts her inner battle, "I see m’not the only one who’s here just fo’ the food".

Her eyes pop off the delicious hors d’oeuvres to the sight gracing them next and she doesn’t know which is the most appetizing. Because standing a few feet from her is Harry, vibrant smile and pretty dimples on show, as he leans over the verrines platter to pick the best-looking one. He’s wearing an olympic blue floral suit on top of a scandalously unbuttoned transparent shirt, a bold number that would grant anyone else looks of surprise and confusion but looked absolutely divine on his broad frame. Besides, after two years working at the office, everyone had gotten used to his unconventional fashion choices by now.

Y/n quirks an eyebrow in curiosity as she dips a cucumber stick in a bowl of humous, before quipping, "not a big fan of these things?"

Harry lets out a small chuckle in a ‘no kidding’ way, and attaches his emerald eyes to hers, "they’re kind of a drag, if m’bein’ honest."

She smiles at his admission, realizing they both share an aversion for mundanities, "I know right. Like, why party here where everyone has to be on their best behavior when we could be down at the bar without the boss gallivanting around?" she cries out in exasperation and not for the first time, Harry thinks she’s quite possibly the most endearing thing he’s ever seen. His smile widens the tiniest bit at her passionate rant, "my thoughts exactly. Do we even know what we’re supposed to celebrate?" The question makes her laugh, she wouldn’t have known either if not for her involvement in the affair, "well as the person behind this all drag," she give him a pointed look at his jeering choice of word, "it would be weird if I didn’t."

Harry’s face falls at the possibility of having offended her, but his uneasiness quickly dissipates when she starts laughing at him. "M’sorry, that came out wrong," he tells her before letting out a giggle of his own and y/n revels in the moment. The idea of interacting with him beyond the usual ‘here’s the presentation for today’s conference’ or ‘do you have the quarterly report ready’ is rather intoxicating for her already feeble nerves. "Don’t worry, I take no offense, I’m just as bored as you are," she reassures him with a smile, "the party is for a new potential investor, something about wooing them with some ‘corporate fun’. S’a load of bullshit if you ask me".

Harry nods at the explanation unimpressed, his boss’ intentions being the least of his worries. Aside from being the classic douche every manager typically insists on being, the guy has always made his distaste about him pretty clear, so Harry would rather focus on more interesting things. Like how beautiful y/n looks right now, her hair tied up in a loose bun at the top of her head, leaving a few strands to fall around her face. "You look amazing, by the way," he brings himself to say, though he thinks his compliment doesn’t even do her justice.

Y/n looks down at her own outfit then: a knee-length red dress composed of a skater skirt and a backless top that only holds with a couple pressure buttons clasped behind her neck. Her cheeks warm up to match the color of her apparel, betraying the timidity she’s always fallen victim of whenever he happened to be in her vicinity. Y/n’s never been one to shy away from her feelings or trip over her own words when facing her crushes, but there is something about Harry that teleports her right back to her sheepish 13 year-old teenage self. Also, she’s not too keen on office romances and the drama that usually ensues so she’s always made sure to stifle her blossoming attraction and keep their relation work-appropriate. Surely that must account for most of her awkwardness, doesn’t it?

Her eyes trail back to his face and her response comes in a shy euphemism, "thank you, you clean up quite nicely yourself." It’s enough to quirk Harry’s lips in a bashful smile, their  complexion evidently on edge as they tread uncharted territories. Professionalism has always regimented their interactions with kind but polite rigidness, neither of them quite inclined to cross that invisible line, but tonight seems to challenge that.

Tonight, Harry is resolute in his infatuation, no longer inhibited from social construct but driven by a quest for knowledge; anything that will help him decipher her carefully shielded crux. Tonight, he endeavors to scrape the edges of her rough diamond to expose the gem encapsulated inside, peel back the stoic layers of her exterior to find her unapologetic and intrinsic nature. Tonight, he is thirsty for secrets and confidential disclosures, and he won’t leave until he’s drained it all out of her. Unless she tells him to fuck off, obviously.

Harry keeps the conversation going as he browns the buffet for a new delicacy to snack on, "so, what would you be doing if you didn’t have to be here?" He wants to know everything, the present and the past, the good and the bad, the superficial and the substance, the messy and the orderly, but he figures he should start by what she likes to do in her own time. The things that loosen her up after a tense week at work, the things that will make her eyes shine with passion as she relates them back to his curious mind.

The question reaches her ears as she takes a sip of her drink, "mmm," she smiles around her glass before placing it back on the table, "-that’s easy. Playing pool with the gang at Gibson’s." Her answer spills without hesitation, a heap of follow-up questions already brewing up in Harry’s brain, but the foreign name is what beckons his attention first, "Gibson’s?" he echoes with a faint rumple pulling the skin between his eyes. Is that the name of a friend? A boyfriend? Out of all the questions he’s contemplated, y/n’s relationship status never crossed his mind. He’s always assumed her to be a single woman, the evidence of a significant other never present in her language and demeanor.

A wave of relief washes over him at her elaboration, "it’s a bar couple blocks from my place. It’s been my friends and I’s HQ ever since we all met." The sentiment has her eyes sparkle at the remembrance of all the happy memories the place hosted, and Harry stores the information in his mental list of all y/n’s soft spots.

"Sounds rad, so you play pool?" he inquires with enthusiasm. He’s been knows to play a game or two in his youth, though it’s been a hot minute since he’s felt the weight of the cue in his hands as he sinks ball after ball in their respective pockets. He remembers the elation of it all, the adrenaline coursing through his veins at each successful strike, and his heart flutters at the thought of ever sharing a game with her; she seems like the competitive type in the most entertaining way possible. Before his thoughts can spiral into much filthier realms, like bending her over the table mid-game when his own skills prevail and she turns into a sore-loser, y/n’s voice rings him back to reality.

"Uh uh, correction," her expression suddenly turns in false seriousness before she proves him right about her competing tendencies, "I win at pool." Her eyes are so full of confidence, a spice of mischief sparkling in their corner, she would have no difficulty persuading anyone of anything that passes the threshold of her mouth. Harry certainly doesn’t doubt her mastery of the bar game, but it doesn’t stop him from challenging her in a slightly elevated pitch, "oh is that so?"

Y/n only grins at the banter, not at all fazed by his taunting remark, "maybe you’ll have to find out for yourself." She reaches for another snack, not taking her come-hither look off his handsome face, and Harry revels in her flirtatious advances, a smug smile taking possession of his lips as he surfs of the same wave of seduction. "Is that a challenge?" he philanders back, fueling the sensual back-and-forth they seem to have embarked upon.

"Not much of a challenge if I know I’ll win," y/n replies with cheek, her self-assurance once again burgeoning like sexy wildflowers sprouting from the ground underneath Harry’s feet, wrapping around his ankle and growing along his body to twine around his spellbound heart. He absolutely loves her unfaltering aplomb, finds it undoubtably sexy but he can’t let her know that just yet.

"Cocky."

"Confident."

They both chuckle at their repartee, enjoying this ping-pong of quick-witted banter they’ve never found in anybody else before. It’s like their intellects were meant to collide in galvanizing forces, the encounter of two fiery psychs too brilliant to one up the other.

Harry is mesmerized by their connection, if he knew sparks would fire this bright, he would have made a move ages ago. "Fuck, you’re something else," he shakes his head in incredulity before confessing, "definitely not what I expected."

Y/n’s chest tingles at his comment, a rivulet of liquid glee leaking through her arteries to pump her heart and her ego full of bliss, "Oh so you expected something, did you?" She punctuates her teasing with a thousand-watts power smirk, and Harry finds it strikingly alluring.

Not about to let her have the upper hand however, a burst of smugness crosses his features as he boomerangs her earlier allurement back to her, "maybe you’ll have to find out for yourself." It earns him a deep jazzy laugh rooted in her tummy and a tinge of pride swirling in his own. He wants to pry laugh after laugh from her belly until her last giggle, only relenting once the muscles in her chest are aching from unbridled joy.

Y/n sighs in content before taking a bite out of a mini-tartlet as she considers how to proceed in this much too flirty conversation. "So what would you be doing tonight, if not for this stupid party?" she returns his first question before realizing,  "-wait a sec, what are you doing here if you hate these things so much? My presence was mandatory but yours isn’t."

"I’ll have you know I was coerced into coming too," he quips back in a fake defensive tone, hand pressing to his chest, "Mike from accounting begged me to tag along, he just broke up with his girlfriend so I didn’t have the heart to tell him no." The selfishness of the gesture softens her heart in a goo of adoration, but she can’t let him know that just yet.

"Softie."

"Chivalrous."

His comeback has her giggle, a rejoinder already tiptoeing at the edge of her lips, "see, who’s cocky now?" Her eyes are full of jest and lightness, somehow taking the weight of the party off his shoulders. Turns out, food and booze are not the only remedies for boring work functions, y/n’s company is just as effective if not more, and that’s with the guarantee of a hangover-less comes next morning. Harry is truly happy he decided to make an appearance tonight, a sentiment he definitely didn’t foresee for the night. The realization has him faintly shaking his head in amazement, his lips letting out another whispered "something else" softly enough that it doesn’t quite reach her already inflated ears.

"So did you have any plans tonight?" She reiterates the question not wanting to ever stop talking with him.

There are probably a hundred exciting plans he could have conjured up to come off half as intriguing as she seems to be, but instead he decides to go the honest route, "nah, I would have probably crash on my couch, this week’s been pretty hectic." His truth is confirmed by the faded blackness tinting the skin below his eyes, a proof of hard work and long hours under the heedlessness of a greedy superior. Y/n knows it all too well, having had firsthand experience with her boss’ jackassery. That’s why she directly inquires, "boss giving you trouble?"

Part of Harry is eager to steer the conversation back to more pleasant waters but he guesses talking a little bit about work was inevitable at some point, especially since they both share palpable distaste for their superior. "The maniac keeps giving me last minute reports like I’m expected to work all night along on his bullshit projects," he explains dejectedly before running his hand through his luscious curls in sign of frustration. "Barely finished in time fo’ the party tonight, I had to slip in his office to put the file on his desk, that fucker had already left."

Y/n listens attentively, her chest tightening in empathy at the recollection of his misfortune. She’s very familiar with the embittering feeling that comes with working your ass for someone that barely registers your efforts and dishes the office hours before you can even dream of clocking off. She’s faced the same scenario time and time again, including tonight, when she’d come up to lock the boss’ office hours after he left to get pampered for the party. She barely got time to make the double commute to and from her place, much less spend hours getting dolled up. She does remember the odd file on her boss’ desk though, "oh I was wondering what that blue folder was about, he never usually leave unattended paperwork on his desk."

Harry starts nodding in confirmation before stopping dead, eyes widened in distress, "wait, did you just say blue?" he asks in urgency.

Y/n frowns at his sudden agitation, her mind reeling to try and visualize the state of the surroundings she left several hours ago. She’s pretty positive she saw a blue binder laying there, not that she knows the ramifications of that simple fact, "yes I think so, why?"

The dire nature of the situation becomes painfully obvious as Harry’s face turns into a mess of  dread and panic, "oh shit, oh fuck, no no no," the words keep tumbling from his mouth in a ramble of nerves. "So stupid, m’so fucked" he keeps muttering self-admonition in quiet anger, hands griping at the root of his hair.

Concern is starting to fester in y/n’s guts as she takes in his disheveled state, "Harry, Jesus, take a breath, tell me what’s going on," she steps closer to him, one hand softly holding at his biceps as she tries to connect their gazes.

Once his eyes plug into hers, pupils blown out in turmoil, he finally calms down enough to word  out his mishap, "s’not the right file on his desk, I only use red binders for the reports." Spinning around out of her hold to shout his stress back to the wall in a loud "fuck!", Harry’s mind is caught up in a swirl of possible excuses to give to his boss, all sounding more ridiculous than the other. He can’t think of way to fix his mistake and escape the inevitable berating coming his way comes morning.

Fortunately for him, y/n is not about to let this happen, "it’s okay, we’ll fix this," she encourages. "What’s on his desk right now?"

Harry looks back at her then, not totally convinced that this all mayhem is salvageable. His boss is never going to tolerate this minor negligence, especially once he finds out the irrelevant material mistakenly slipped amongst his work. "My 14 year-old niece’s english project" the answer comes out as a question, a hint of self-deprecating humor lacing through his words. "Bloody hell, he’s gon’ have my head fo’ that one."

Harry is adamant in his doom, but if anything, y/n is not a quitter. "No he’s not. He hasn’t seen it yet, right? You said he was already gone when you brought the file."

He takes a long breath, "I suppose not."

"Guess it’s a good thing I have the keys to his office then, yeah?" She smiles proudly as a beacon of hope shines on his conflicted face. The forest green of his eyes seems to breath back to life in an endearing revival, effectively tugging at y/n’s heart’s merciful strings.

"Fuck, you’d do that fo’ me?" his shoulders loosen up in relief, the tension slowly simmering down to a gentle buzz, as he envisages the possibility of an illicit break-in. Well, as illicit as it may be, considering they have the keys. Still, best they don’t get caught snooping in the boss’ office, for both of their sake.

"Of course, silly. No questions asked," y/n answers with a smile, and her willingness to put herself in potential trouble, warms Harry’s heart from inside out.

"Y/n, you’re an angel, a life savior," he grabs her shoulders in each of his hands, his gratitude painted all over his soft traits. "Fuck, I could kiss you right now." The words fly out of his mouth without him realizing their significance after spending the last ten minutes coming onto her. And well, y/n isn’t too opposed to the idea either, and she thinks she might hold him to that promise in retribution for her saving grace when the time and space works better in their favor. "Alright Casanova, let’s get your ass out of this mess," she grabs her purse form the table and takes his hand to guide him through the cluster of people milling around the office space, eventually reaching the row of elevators across the room.

As they stand waiting for their lift to come, Harry starts fidgeting with nervous energy, feeling like a kid who’s about to get caught trying to steal straight from the cookie jar. "Shit, alright, we have to be discrete if we want to pull this off," he tells her, not taking his eyes off the room in case someone would look at them and read their plan straight off their guilty-looking faces.

"Says the guy in the flashy suit," y/n immediately counters, in an attempt to revive the playfulness of their synergy. The night was going swimmingly before the whole ordeal, and she’s convinced this foxy little adventure can only add to the appeal of an evening full of surprises.

Harry’s indignation at her dig teeters from his pouty lips, "hey! It’s not that bad." She giggles at his poor rebuttal, and as the doors of the elevator open, they quickly take a few steps inside.

"Harry, that suit is so loud, it could break the sound barrier," y/n teases as she eyes the crowd of people frivolously chatting away, while waiting for the door to close back.

"Thought I cleaned up nicely," he cheekily throws back her words from earlier, letting them resonate within the small confines of the elevator as they make their way up to their boss’ office.

She turns to face him then, a smile spreading on her supple lips, "don’t get me wrong, you look wonderful, just nowhere near decent for a secret spy mission."

Her words have him beaming back at her in a second, his mind fixated on her compliment rather than how impractical it is that his clothes are flashier than the Queen’s; in his defense, neither are y/n’s. "Damn, just got upgraded from nice to wonderful, this night is actually turning around," he chirps as the door open to the deserted hallway of the top floor.

"Alright, more action and less flirting, Styles," y/n playfully chides him. "Go get the right file, while I open his door, we should be quick in case he decides to bring the tour and his special guest up here." She sends him off with a tilt of her chin in what she knows to be the direction of his office, and Harry complies with ease and starts backtracking a few doors down, "yes ma’am."

While he’s gone to fetch the correct document from his office, y/n rummages through her purse to find the key of her boss’ office and unlock the door. Once she’s inside, she makes her way around the imposing mahogany desk commanding the space, and finds the imposter file sitting innocently on the polished wood. For pure curiosity’s sake, she starts leafing through its contents and lets a small chuckle as she takes in the endearing work of a young aspiring writer.

Her reading is interrupted by Harry’s hurried strides when he joins her in the room. "Here’s the damn report," he flings the folder on the desk next to his niece’s, red clashing with blue, mocking him for his slight negligence. As he absorbs the sight of y/n’s face engrossed in the teenage’s fiction, he moves slowly behind her, getting a glimpse at his niece’s whimsical words over her shoulder, before his eyes settle on the bare skin of her back.

Y/n welcomes his sudden proximity, has stranding on end as she feels the soft puffs of his breaths against her neck. "Your niece is quite the writer, does she always come to you for advice?"

She ignores the shivers running down her spine, and gulps when Harry’s voice greets her ears in a deep quiet hoarse, closer than she excepted, "usually, yeah. I was the one who got her into writing, so it’s kinda become our thing, I guess."

She smiles at his softness, "that’s really sweet," and draws in a long breath in a vain attempt to calm her jitters. She can almost feel his presence on her skin though they’re technically not touching, her fingertips tingling in anticipation.  

Another frisson travels through her when he responds with a low "mhm," his nose slightly grazing behind her ear, taking in her beguiling fragrance. Jasmine and vanilla, fresh and soft, exciting and comforting at the same time; it suits her perfectly.

"Harry-" she doesn’t know what to follow the whisper of his name with. Careful? Not here? Please don’t stop? At this point, she wants nothing more than to succumb to his affections, regardless of their improper whereabouts.

Harry brushes the back of his index down the smooth skin of her back in a featherlike caress, "thanks fo’ saving my ass, tonight," he murmurs into her ear, before laying a small kiss behind it.

Y/n is exulting under his tender ministrations, her eyes closed to enhance the feeling of his touch. "Anytime," she breathes out as her head tilts backward, a hand coming behind his neck in a silent plea not to let go, and Harry smiles against her skin at her receptiveness, goosebumps of his own blossoming across his body.

His next words are out of his mouth before he can think, "mmm, I owe you a big one," his playful persona resurfacing now that the situation was handled. They snort in unison at the double-entendre, and Harry slides his free arm around her waist to bring her closer to his chest in silent remittance. Y/n doesn’t mind though, she kinda likes this boyish side of him, but she can’t let him know that just yet.

"Gross."

"Hilarious."

Their ping-pong of wisecrack is back despite the tension permeating the air. It’s the kind that speeds heartbeats and moistens palms in lustful anticipation, the kind that curtails people’s breath as their lungs fill up with voluptuous aphrodisia. "Will you let me kiss you? Show you all my gratitude? I really wanna have a taste, love," he pleads for her permission, and y/n is too consumed by desire to deny him, "have it."

In one swift move, he spins around and latches his eager lips onto her. Passion ensues, hands roaming all over each other to find the perfect hold; the back of a neck, the lapels of a suit jacket, a few strands of hair, the curve of an exposed ribcage, it’s all intoxicating but there is always more to explore. Their tongues are caught up in a heated tango of their own, swirling around each other to quench the thirst of passion, licking their lustful way around their mouths.

At one point, Y/n finds herself pressed against her boss’ desk, one leg around Harry’s waist as he attaches his hips to hers in a heated embrace that leaves them breathless upon parting. He rests his forehead against her temple as they both process the intimate exchange, not ready to burst out of this fairy bubble. "Fuck, been waiting to do that for a while," he exhales with a smile, still incredulous at the evening’s proceedings, and the girl nestled in his arms.

"Same," she agrees and gently cups his face to bring his eyes back to hers, barely believing the adoration and warmth swimming within his lovely olive irises.

Harry’s heart feels like a ticking bomb about to implode, the sweet taste of her lips already providing him with a fix he didn’t know he was addicted to. "One more," he demands against her mouth before diving into another searing kiss. This time his hands explore more meticulously, scavenging for other soft spots to add on to his mental list. The dimples in her back right above the curve of her ass seem to rival the area at her side right below the swell of her breast, but Harry is pretty sure he’ll find more sensitive spots in the near future. Hopefully.

Once again, the need for oxygen compels them to part way, but neither of them make a move to separate their tangled limbs. Y/n is reveling in the moment she’s been daydreaming about for months, "so good," she keeps whispering sweet nothing against his lips while rubbing her nose against the bridge of his.

Harry clears his throat as he regains his bearings, realizing that there are still very much in the middle of their boss’ office, a place they are not supposed to be in, doing stuff they’re not supposed to be doing. At least not here. "Let’s get outta here, yeah?" he brushes a strand of hair that fell in front of her face, "you can kick my ass at that game of pool as promised, and I’ll tend to yours once we’re back at my place, what’dya say?"

And well, how can one say no to that?

➪ Masterlist

[alwaysmychoices]

Hi! Me again! I don’t know if you’ve done this or not or something that might interest you. But HC with Ethan and MC meeting like Derek and Meredith, sleeping together before knowing they work together?

I really enjoyed this one! A. I got to do “research” by rewatching Grey’s. B. I loved the way this turned out. If this becomes it’s own fic, don’t be surprised. 

Ethan & f!MC - Meeting Before Knowing They Worked Together 

When MC walked into Donahue’s on the eve of her first day at Edenbrook, she was determined to have one last night where she wasn’t an incoming resident or a future diagnostician or anything other than a girl at a bar.

Maybe she should have known that a bar that close to a hospital would attract its employees.

But really, when she saw Ethan, she wasn’t thinking.

He was just a handsome man sitting alone at a bar, and she was just a girl.

Neither of them meant to go home together that night. If anything, they felt like they were trapped in some magnetic pull.

They had to talk. Ethan had to buy her a drink, and MC had to move closer. A few hours later, when Ethan called himself a cab, it was a foregone conclusion that MC would be in the backseat next to him.

That night was amazing.

The morning, however…

MC woke up hungover to Ethan’s morning alarm. The 45-second gap between MC waking and Ethan turning off the alarm was as close to hell as MC ever wanted to be.

“Why is it so loud?” she grumbled, covering her eyes with her arm.

“It’s an alarm.”

“Right.”

…

“What time is it?”

“6.”

“What?”

MC scrambled for her phone and emitted a panicked groan that made Ethan do a double-take. Jolted awake with anxiety, MC got out of bed and fumbled for her clothes, which lined Ethan’s floor haphazardly.  

He watched with bemused confusion.

“Are you alright?” he asked, trying not to smirk as she mumbled a thousand curses under her breath as she tried to button her jeans.

“I’m going to be late.”

“For?”

“My first day.”

“At?”

“My job.”

Ethan was both amused and frustrated with her insistence on remaining vague. She didn’t seem particularly interested in talking to him, or in him at all this morning. That should have been a blessing. He never liked the awkward, post-sex small talk or the polite feigned interest in each other’s life.

Maybe he was so interested in MC because she wasn’t interested in him.

Either way, he asked her name. She didn’t seem to be offended that he forgot, and a moment later, she admitted that she didn’t know his either.

Ethan asked if she wanted coffee. Nearly tripping as she buckled her wedges, MC said she didn’t have time. He asked for a raincheck.

MC paused, debating how to answer. She didn’t walk into that bar to find someone, nor did she move to Boston with the intention of dating anyone. She didn’t have time for coffee dates, no matter how handsome this stranger was.

But instead of letting him down gently, she walked to his bedside table where he kept a pen and paper for late-night epiphanies. She scribbled her name and number on the top sheet.

And then she had to go.

Ethan called out a goodbye, and though she didn’t return it, she smiled softly in the elevator.

The next hour or so was chaos. MC’s ride back to her apartment was slowed by morning traffic, so running out of time, MC ran upstairs, changed, grabbed what she needed, and ran back downstairs in a panic. 10 minutes into her commute, she realized her phone was dead, and she blindly navigated her new city.

Considering everything, it was a miracle she was only 5 minutes late.

But she was still late.

MC moved through orientation feeling like she was always a step behind because she was late. She made a few friends, all of whom assured her that she hadn’t missed much, but one maintained a sly, condescending smile as if he’d somehow won today’s game by being earlier than her.

She was so focused on making up for lost time that she didn’t notice her familiar coworker until it was too late.

They were in the halls when their paths first crossed.

Ethan saw her first. At first, it was just a quick glance, but when he realized who she was, he stopped dead in his tracks.

MC, coffee in one hand and a chart in the other, kept walking and only offered a cursory glance of intrigue when she saw someone stop in the halls.

She nearly dropped her coffee in shock.

For a moment, they just stared at each other.

And then they stared at each other’s IDs.

MC felt nauseous when she read his name. Dr. Ethan Ramsey. Her hero. Her boss.

She had sex with her boss.

And Ethan had sex with an intern!

Ethan opened his mouth to say something – though God knows, he didn’t know what he was going to say – but didn’t get the opportunity. Panicked, MC just walked away.

The rest of the day, she felt like she was in a daze.

What had she been thinking? She should have never gone out last night at all.

Two hours later, they ran into each other again – this time, in a lonely elevator with no immediate exit. They were trapped.

MC spoke first.

“So, you’re… you’re Dr. Ramsey then.”

“I am.”

“Right…” MC evaded eye contact, “I read your book.”

Ethan cringed, “Oh.”

After a beat, he asked, “So, what are you? Surgery? Pediatrics?”

“Diagnostics.”

“Oh.”

Realizing that Ethan was MC’s direct supervisor, they agreed to pretend nothing ever happened. As soon as they exited this elevator, they would never speak of it again. They shared an awkward handshake just before the doors opened.

They fully intended to stay apart, but they kept running into each other.

MC quickly established herself as a promising if flawed doctor. Ethan was intrigued by her potential. After days of deliberation, he decided it would be unfair to refrain from mentoring her just because they made one mistake.

He told himself it was pure professional interest, but if that were true, he wouldn’t have kept her number all this time.

Ethan was hard on MC. His criticisms became so frequent they felt like abuse. He expected a lot from her – more than he expected from any other intern, save for Aurora. She responded to the criticism with improved performance, and Ethan saw no reason to let up now.

She couldn’t reach her potential if she was afraid to grow.

He kept his compliments and growing respect mostly to himself. He worried that, given their past, sharing them would appear inappropriate.

So, as Ethan grew attached to MC, she brewed in dislike.

The differential treatment was obvious. While Ethan flattered himself that he was pushing her to greatness, she just felt pushed and underappreciated. Her success was only met with more challenges. She was exhausted, and she blamed Ethan.

And Ethan had the misfortune of sitting next to her at Donahue’s the night she reached her limit.

He asked if she wanted a drink. She answered with the kind of glare that could slit throats.

Ethan’s reasoning was clouded with MC. Though he recognized her annoyance and knew to leave, he didn’t. He ordered his drink and remained next to her as she fumed.

After 10 minutes of silence, MC finished her third beer and asked, “Why are you such a dick?”

Ethan choked on his drink.

“If you’re just punishing me because of that night, that’s not appropriate. I’m a doctor, not just the girl from a bar you slept with.”

“I am not punishing you, and if I was, it certainly wouldn’t be for that reason.”

Maybe it was the alcohol in her system. Maybe it was months of resentment. Or maybe it was because, no matter what he did, he was still the handsome stranger at a bar. The magnetic draw they found in Donahue’s never waned. She still wanted him to pick up her number and schedule that coffee date.

Whatever it was, MC let him have it.

They ended up in an alley, yelling at each other like the rest of the world couldn’t hear them. Under the cover of false anonymity, they released so much frustration that their voices reached screams.

And then…

Well, they later blamed the passion of the moment.

But, once they had released all of their frustrations, one lingered. They resented staying apart.

So, that night, they didn’t.

In the middle of a screaming match where MC aimed a long stream of expletives at him,  Ethan kissed her. And then MC kissed him. And then they were in a cab, and they were back in his apartment. And… and it started all over.

And the worst part was that they each had a sobering moment where they realized what they were doing, and they did it anyway.

In the morning, they had the same conversation they had in the elevator. This was an unprofessional, irresponsible mistake, and it wouldn’t happen again.

But it did.

And at some point, they realized they were no longer thrown together in the rush of adrenaline and frustration. They were together on the good days and in the smiling moments.

A thousand small decisions tied them to one another.

MC wasn’t just a girl in a bar.

She never had been.

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[skywitchmaja]

i haven’t seen too many posts about soul yet so i’m gonna link this article and also this earlier interview with kemp powers but i’ll put my own thoughts under the cut (spoilers)

aesthetically, i think it’s a beautiful movie. the animation is jaw droppingly gorgeous. the contrast between the textures and lighting in new york that looked soooo real it made me think of claymation at times, but keeping with intriguing and appealing stylized character designs, all to contrast the soft, abstracted art for the hypothetical “great before” dimension. one of my favorite designs were the startling black and white of the ‘great beyond’, which is so startling in fact, that we jump back along with joe whenever he’s faced with it. and with the main character, joe gardener (jamie foxx), being a jazz musician, music is a huge part of the artistic mood and the story itself. i don’t know much about music and especially jazz piano, but whenever joe played, it was easy to feel him getting lost in ‘the zone’

the first time we see into the ‘hypothetical’ is before joe dies— while he plays piano in a jazz club with one of his idols and gets into ‘the zone’ where we see deep blue streaks of light with touches of magenta, an abstraction of the night club spotlights, and joe feels like he’s floating along with the music. this reminded me of another of my favorite moments from a pixar movie— the scene in ratatouille where remmy shows emile the beauty he finds in food, taking a bite of cheese and a bite of strawberry and closing his as as the colors, flavors, textures swirl together in harmony. both moments serve to show the protagonist’s profound connection to their art, and how it appears to alienate them. emile the rat can almost slow down enough to appreciate the intricate tastes of food, but in the end, he best loves food for its life sustaining value, rather than the culinary art remmy loves. in the jazz club, joe comes out of ‘the zone’ a little embarrassed, to amazed stares from his idol and his former student. they’re musicians too, so they appreciate joes music more than emile appreciates remmy’s food, but he’s still alone in ‘the zone’. before that, we see one of his current students, a trombone player named chloe, get lost in ‘the zone’ while joe watches, inspired. we don’t follow her to the blue and magenta lights but we see how excited joe is to see another artist experiencing jazz the way he does. we later find out that ‘the zone’ is a place connected to the ‘great before’ where living people float in blue and magenta clouds of light when they get into the flow of music, sports, sign twirling, or whatever they’re passionate about. even though they go there in their own little light/cloud/bubbles, there’s a sense of connection in that everybody can achieve a similar feeling.

in abstract, the story itself is beautiful too. the dual protagonists compliment each other in interesting ways. joe’s goal is to get back to his old life where he is just about to make it as a jazz musician, while soul 22 (tina fey), who has yet to live on earth, agrees to help him, so when she “finds her spark”, the final step in getting ready for life, he can take her place on earth and she can stay in the “great before” as she has for millennia. both undergo character arcs and change their goals as they become more of themselves, but before any of that happens, there was one plot element that didn’t sit quite right with me...

when the trailer for soul was first released, people were excited for pixar’s first black protagonist, but disappointed because like the princess and the frog, the first black disney princess movie, it seemed like the black protagonist would NOT spend most of their time being a black person but instead as a floaty turquoise blob or a frog, respectively. well, that’s not what happened in soul. but what did happen might be worse. in attempt to get joe back in his body, a sign-twirling, pirate-ship-piloting hippie opens a portal over joe’s body in a hospital bed. but because that would be toooo easy, joe’s soul lands in the body of the therapy cat on his lap, and soul 22, voiced by tina fey of all fucking people, lands in joe’s human body. yes, both the black character model and the black  voice actor spend a majority of the movie on screen, buuuuuut the black voice actor is voicing a cat (which everyone but soul 22 hears as meows) while the actual black character is voiced by. tina fey. a middle aged white woman who’s sitcom 30 rock featured not one but three instances of blackface. there are still some beautiful moments with jamie foxx’s voice in joe’s body, including one towards the middle where joe, as the cat, begins to coach soul 22 in his body through a conversation with his mother, but as joe lets out his heartfelt words, we hear jamie foxx’s voice coming from joe’s body. i can’t say whether these moments make up for the egregious hi-jinx, especially so because i’m white, but all this to say it’s complicated. 

(biggest spoilers) as the story moves forward, both joe and soul 22 change their understanding of the world, and their goals become incompatible. soul 22 finds her “spark” while living joe’s life, and decides she may want to try a life on earth after all. the last act of the movie teeters between joe selfishly keeping his life, denying 22 of her spark and her own time on earth, and joe selflessly sacrificing his second chance so 22 could try out her first chance. part of the reason joe was so desperate to get back to his life was because he hadn’t yet “made it” as a jazz musician, and since he saw that as his “spark”, his “purpose” he believed his life would be meaningless until he did. but when joe does go back to play a show with his jazz idol, his “big break”, it’s beautiful, powerful, but it doesn’t automatically fulfill his “purpose” in life the way he was expecting. it isn’t until he’s back at his apartment, playing piano with the souvenirs 22 has collected while inhabiting his body lined up along the music stand, that he draws back on the wonderous little moments of his life-- the first time his dad brought him to a jazz club, teaching a student drums, but also smaller moments that have nothing to do with what he thought was his purpose-- his toes in the sand at the beach, moments of connection with his family, and some of 22′s memories-- looking up at the sky and watching a maple seed twirl into joe’s palm. joe realizes that his life has always bean meaningful, that he’s always had purpose, in every little moment that connected him to the world. he’s playing piano and he’s in “the zone” where he learns from the sign twirling hippie that 22 has become a “lost soul”, now that she’s found her spark and then lost it. now at peace with his own life and purpose, joe is ready to leave the rest of his life behind to get 22 her spark back. this is a little too self sacrificial to be a satisfying ending, even though joe has lived life with purpose, we still want to see him get back to his life with a newfound appreciation, in the tradition of other “near-afterlife-experience” movies like it’s a wonderful life. luckily, we get the best of both worlds-- the “great before” supervisors are so impressed with joe finding 22′s spark, they offer him a second chance at life on earth. we don’t see anything of what 22′s life will be like (though she appears to be hurtling towards the himalayas), and we just catch joe opening the door of his new life, but we trust them both to be alright, having found and understood their “spark” 

[psycholojosh]

Got my first 1.00 in grad school!

I just want to take the time to share my happiness lately.

When the pandemic began last year, I was saddened by a lot of things. One of them was the lost opportunity to study cognitive-behavioral therapy (or CBT) in-depth when I enrolled in a class. Psych 249 - that was the course code. I was excited for that class because CBT is a popular form of therapy these days. And surprisingly, I learned that it was an umbrella of many therapies that tackle the cognitive and behavioral connection. To top of it, one of my favorite professors, Dr. Divine Love Salvador (awesome name, I know), was instructing us.

Before the lock downs and quarantines and face-to-face classes were still done, I was really looking forward to this class. CBT was a therapeutic approach that I really wanted to hone into and explore. Not to mention, Doc Div (my prof's nickname in school) is an expert in this approach. She and her fellow faculty in the clinical program believe in the power of experiential learning when it comes to training. Our class would meet once a week for three hours. She would discuss theory on the first hour, have a pair demonstrate a technique in front of the class in the second, and have us do our own activity and psychotherapy simulations on the third. The learning was so amazing! I was really looking forward to my turn in the demo since I saw how helpful the post-demo cliniquing was. Plus, my classmates were all insightful people.

Partway in the semester, classes halted due to the pandemic. We were all of a sudden left to our own devices to study. This wasn't surprising to me since I entered graduate school. Grad school has really shaped me to become an independent learner and thinker. But, the complication was the pandemic and the redirected goals to survive and thrive. Doc Div emailed us instructions on the stuff we were "required" to submit with a deferred deadline to a year later - this year.

We were asked to write a case formulation paper - which is a common skill for any psychotherapy class - about a fictional case of an eating disorder. We were also asked to come up with a CBT-informed project that aimed to either educate or be therapeutic for a target audience. This was a group effort and I was grouped with my friends, so I was excited. And lastly, we had to write a final reflection paper based on questions she provided for us in the email. These seemed a lot to finish, so I was thankful for the deferment of our deadlines (and grades).

A few weeks later, as COVID-19 cases were rising and a lot of people were experiencing various psychosocial issues, our university's mental health clinic decided to open its services for free to our own students and staff, frontline healthcare workers, and their respective families. Doc Div was quick to email us the opportunity to volunteer for this initiative for extra credit. I didn't mind the credit at all, yet I decided to volunteer because I wanted to help. And I also realized that the learning I would get from this opportunity would be substantial. Lo and behold, I was assigned to my other professor, Ma'am Sandy Ang (my prof in Psych 264, the Psychopathology class), as my clinical supervisor. In a span of 6 months, I met with a total of 4 clients, each having their own cycles of supervised psychosocial support sessions with me. It wasn't until the end of the year did I accomplish the requested reflection paper. I'll tell more about my experiences here in another post.

Months leading to the deadline, I collaborated with my group to finish an educational blog site about learning skills on boundary setting. We were somewhat happy with the outcome; and we knew that we can improve on it further. Likewise, I have been reading the case given to us for the formulation paper. I started writing bit by bit since the previous year, but only to organize the details. It wasn't until the final two months that we were told that the paper could be done as a group. The idea clicked: I have to work with my group so I could stay afloat from the stress. Luckily, I accomplished a lot in my own, so I only had to present them to the group, ask for their inputs, and add what was missing together.

The process was stressful, to be honest, even as a group. There was a lot of further reading, late night calls to discuss things, writing and preparing materials. It was chaotic, but I felt like I was doing something right and learning something new. Though, I couldn't help but wish for the time that I could "re-learn" all of this with a guidance of an expert or professor.

But anyway... we were buzzer beaters. Submitting by the 11:59pm mark and giving the final sigh as our emails with the requirements attached were making their way to Doc Div's inbox. I felt so much relief knowing how much hard work we've put into our requirements. It didn't take long for our profs to give us our grades from last year. I opened my student portal account and...

An uno?

An uno!

I was so shocked but thrilled that I felt like my hardwork paid off!

The thing is, the sem doesn't count to our final computation of our general weighted averages, so that kinda sucks. But, I'm happy to report how I was able to show some promise with the subject I wanted to learn so much from. Even if I felt alone for the most part, having my groupmates and our collctive efforts made me feel like it was all worth it.

I really do look forward to when the "newer" normal would present us the opportunity to come to school in person again. Online learning is an adventure, but like many I have taken, I get tired of it too. I also miss the things we take for granted, like the facial expressions or the ability to chitchat with my seatmate in class. It made my grad school life all the more fun. But until then, we gotta do what we gotta do.

Cheers! I hope you get your success in these trying times too.

[hykwkagas]

Review:

Shinonome Ayumu - Her Love in the Force

MS2 - Falling in love + Epilogue

Ratings-

Plot: 4/5

Romance: 4/5

MC: 5/5

Total: 13/15

I went into his MS2 expecting greater things, which thankfully it did, but his Epilogue was a little underwhelming to be quite honest. It was what I expected of a Shinonome route but it still let me down a little having finished it.

Plot: 4/5

We get a continuation from his MS1, where we delve deeper into the connection Sachi’s husband, Sekizaka, has with the politician who apparently has affairs. The plot for Shinonome’s MS2 gets much darker, with the mistresses said to be involved in a terrorism plot. There are also more things that the MC is involved in, and having Chiba, one of her closest friends be involved with her too was neat. I liked that both Naruko and Chiba were more involved in the things MC does as friends than they were in other routes. The writing doesn’t feel too choppy, minus a few incomplete sentences here and there, having both MC’s and Shinonome’s connections be more expanded upon along with the main plot. For the Epilogue, I did liked how they tied in Sachi’s wedding with Sekizaka, as a form of closure for Shinonome, but I’ll elaborate more on that in the romance section since I have quite a few things to say about that. Continuing off in the MS2, I like the whole involvement of Soma, Goto and particularly Kaga who is Shinonome’s direct supervisor. It wasn’t just a random side support for the MC or to chastise her type of situation, but the fact that it involved the main plot to counter terrorism was well done. I especially liked MC’s interactions with Kaga in Shinonome’s route, though I do think he’s still a meanie wherever route he goes lol.

Romance: 4/5

I think it’s very obvious at the start of his MS2 that Shinonome already caught on to MC’s feelings for him, although liking it to a crush rather than love. He comforts her when his jokes got a little too far, surprised that it was actually far deeper than what he thought it was. I think when MC cried in his arms that day, he probably had the time to self reflect on who MC was to him and if he was going to pursue her as a love interest, though there is a part of me that wants to believe that he had already made that decision from the start, only choosing to go after it abit harder after her show of emotions. Naruko brought up some good points in her lines when she likens a similar relationship to what the MC and Shinonome has to a friendship, and it did felt very friendship like. Shinonome had to come to terms with himself that Sachi, his love, was already a married woman and that MC was also creeping up on him as a potential love interest. Since we’re on the topic of Sachi, I didn’t liked how her after wedding in the epilogue just turned into a cute little tidbit story considering the others epilogues had been spicier. It was also kind of frustrating having to wait on Shinonome saying that he loved MC, and I do get that was the main point driven for the epilogue, but just felt that it could be done better considering his personality. Having read the previews for his sequels, I assume the writers will make Shinonome’s and MC’s romance into this slow burn trope, so I’ve kept that in mind as well when writing this review. There were fortunately many great lines Shinonome had as well in regards to him liking both Sachi and MC differently, which I thought was pretty neat. He likened Sachi not as a married woman he was in love with, but rather a woman he loved that got married in MS1. It was bittersweet for sure. While he appears more smooth in his way of talking about Sachi, and appears more rough towards MC, I do like his approach to MC better as it felt clumsier, something that I think only MC knows about him. Kaga apparently knows this too, however, as he called either Shinonome or the MC a child, over a jealous display when Kaga had called her over.

MC: 5/5

Let me tell you the patience Shinonome’s MC has is amazing. I would probably complained from being his gofer and having to take up his mean jokes, but the power of love trudges on. I gave his MC a full 5 points because she’s very honest with her feelings. It takes guts to admit to a person you love that you know loves someone else, that you loved him and that you also accept that it could be unrequited. While it appears that she does everything Shinonome asks her to without a doubt, the scene with Soma, Kaga and essentially Namba asking her to spy on Shinonome made me like her more. It must be tough to snoop on someone you liked and respected, but she chose to set those feelings aside, albeit momentarily, as she had to do her job as a Public Safety student. She did it in an empathetic way too, which was really nice to see. One of my favourite scenes of her was when she worked with Goto during their undercover, and having been stuck with him after getting caught. It showed how far she got in the Public Safety world that Goto - along with the higher ups instructions - would also bring her along to a real undercover mission and I do think it speaks volumes that it’s a two person mission. Granted, she’s already an officer, but they already knew she wasn’t used to the city work and that she still could do far better from where she was currently at. Her tenacity in both her private and public life is admirable, and she had to be with a love interest like Shinonome. She’s a very cute MC, who I do feel gives off a puppy vibe, and I find myself laughing and crying along with her during scenes. With how complicated Shinonome’s life and personality is, I appreciated her good hearted nature.

[lilith-lovett]

Found Families - Home is Where the Hart is - Chapter Twenty Two

Hi again, the entire month of September has been very hectic and I have been in University for almost an entire month so my work load had been stacking up pretty quickly so that is why I haven’t been able to write and post as much. I will try to write as much as possible in my free time and post when I can. Thank you for your continued support. I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

Masterlist

Summary: Patton is a good teacher

Word Count: 4685

Warnings: Past child abuse, anxiety, bullying, descriptions of physical violence/injuries, gender stereotypes, destruction of property, implied depression, food mention (If I have missed anything please let me know)

DING. The bell rang, indicting the beginning of lunch time. Patton instructed the children to pack away their paper and pencils and line-up at the door, in preparation to leave for their lunch, collecting their lunch-boxes and lining up at the door, awaiting the second bell. Then it rang.

“Okay everyone, it is lunch time. Yay. I would like you all to follow me to the lunch hall. Does everyone have their lunch boxes?” Patton asked which received a resounding ‘yes’ from them as they all held out their lunch boxes. “Alright, follow me,”.

Patton led the class from the classroom and down the stairs towards the lunch hall, they were the first to arrive considering they were the youngest in the school, the older children would be arriving shortly. He directed them all to sit at the closest tables, where they all began to tuck into their lunch. Just as Patton was preparing to leave for the staff room to eat his own lunch, he spotted someone without a lunch-box. A tiny red-headed girl, June Granger he believed her name was, sat at the very edge of the table in the final row, simply staring down at the table, no lunch or lunch box in sight. Patton wondered if she had perhaps forgotten it in the classroom or maybe she had some different circumstances for lunch he hadn’t been made aware of? He slowly approached her as the other children tucked into their meals around her, crouching down beside her once he reached the table.

“Hiya June, did you forget your lunch upstairs?” Patton asked as she jerked up in response, large green eyes flickering onto him.

“No sir, I don’t have any,” June responded which took Patton by surprise. All parents had been repeatedly informed to prepare a lunch for their children but perhaps it had been a hectic morning and they simply forgot but he certainly couldn’t allow June to go hungry.

“Oh okay, um…how about we go and see if the dinner ladies have anything for you?” Patton suggested with a smile. “How does that sound?”.

June nodded and hopped off of her stool and allowed Patton to lead her to the kitchen where the hot meals were prepared and served for students.

“Hello there, Mrs Auclair,” Patton said to the woman stationed in the kitchen, bent over a steaming pot of delicious smelling soup. Mrs Auclair had been working here long before Patton ever did and her love and passion for cooking delicious yet healthy meals for the students was admirable, as was her go-lucky attitude and Patton loved listening to her fascinating stories from her life working in several highly esteemed restaurants.

“Mr Hart, how wonderful it is to see you, I had been told you would be returning. What can I do for you?” Mrs Auclair asked her beautiful French accent seeping through.

“June here doesn’t have any lunch and we were wondering if there was anything here for her to eat?” Patton answered glanced down to June, who was staring at her feet, hands squeezed behind her back. Patton lowered himself to her level. “Hey, it is alright, we won’t let you go hungry,”.

“Lets see what I have for you,” Mrs Auclair said moving away from the pot to the hot plate, where a variety of food was set out. “What about…pizza!”.

“Yes!” June exclaimed her expression immediately lighting up, simply looking at the extra cheesy slice of pizza. The excitement in her eyes made Patton’s own smile grow that much larger.

“You are very lucky young lady, it was the very last piece. I’ll pack it up for you with a couple of other things too, okay?” Mrs Auclair asked lifting the pizza before wrapping it and packaging it in a paper bag, including a piece of fruit and a small carton of orange juice.

“Okay, thank you,” June chirped before taking the bag and skipping gleefully back to her seat. Patton made a mental note to contact June’s parents about her missing lunch and with a final goodbye to Mrs Auclair, he finally made his way to the staff room so he could eat his own lunch, unable to ignore the grumbling in his stomach any longer.

Patton collected his lunch box before making his way to the staff room were all of the other teachers and staff members were eating and talking amongst themselves.

“Patton you’re here, we were wondering when you were going to appear,” Ellie Ferguson the grade five teacher commented as he entered the room.

“Hiya everyone, I just got caught up in the lunch-hall. It is so nice to see you all,” Patton replied taking one of the spare seats and tucking into his lunch, preparing himself for the wave of questioning.

“So…how is the new kiddo?” Francesca Garcia the second grade teacher asked, between sips of her herbal tea.

“He is doing well, it has been almost a month now,” Patton answered. A month, almost an entire month Logan had been an official part of his family. He could hardly believe it.

“That is amazing, what is his name?” James Randall the grade four teacher and the school’s choir teacher asked a grin splitting across his face.

“His name is Logan and he is twelve, he is simply incredible. So intelligent, so passionate, I am very pleased to call him my son,” Patton replied, his response received a resounding ‘Aw’ from the gathering of his co-workers. He truly meant every word. He recalled everything he and Logan went through from when they first met back in April to now and Patton can officially call Logan his son. It almost made everything worth it, though he would never wish any more pain and trauma on Logan’s shoulders.

“And he is lucky to have you too,” A voice said from behind Patton, he turned to see Madelyne entering the room, a stack of papers and her own lunch in her arms.

“Thank you,” Patton responded before the flurry of questions continued. He answered as many as he could as honestly as he chose to, careful to leave out some of the darker details of the incidents which occurred that only Madelyne knew of. Thankfully she did as he requested and remained quiet and respectful of his wishes, for the events to remain a secret for his own privacy as well as the privacy of Logan, Maggie and all of the other children at the orphanage. Just as he finished his lunch and was preparing to head back to his classroom to prepare for the activities after lunch, he recalled the incident in class earlier with Oren using sign language. “Excuse me, Madelyne, I was wondering if you had heard anything regarding a pupil - Oren Wood - using sign language to communicate?”.

“Sign language? No, I don’t believe I did, perhaps it was lost in translation. Do you believe he may be hearing impaired?” Madelyne inquired.

“No, I don’t think so, he responded in sign language to my verbal question but it seems he has an aversion to speaking in class,”. Patton answered.

“Alright, would you like to pursue it further?” Madelyne questioned further.

“Yes, I would like to set up a meeting between myself and his parents, just so I can better understand the situation,” Patton explained. If it was a problem with selective mutism or another related anxiety disorder he could offer his help, having had, had similar experiences with Virgil.

“Excellent, I’ll let Josie know and she can set up an appointment, it will be better to have a plan in place for him when he returns after the holidays. Thank you for letting me know Patton,” Madelyne responded with a smile which Patton was about to return before they were interrupted by one of the playground supervisors.

“I’m so sorry for interrupting your lunch break but Mr Hart there has been an incident between two of your pupils in the playground,” He said his words coming out between short breathy pants. An incident, already? Patton had hoped he wouldn’t have to handle any disagreements between his students but he supposed that it was a part of growing up and they were all still adjusting from the move from kindergarten to elementary school.

“It is alright, lead the way,” Patton instructed, abandoning the remainder of his lunch and followed behind the supervisor as he explained the situation.

“We believe it was an argument that turned sour and resulted in a physical fight, both of them are being checked over by the nurse but at first look it appears neither of them received any serious injuries. We have separated them into two quiet rooms but neither of them are willing to talk to each other or any of the supervisors so I thought you were the best option,” He explained as he lead Patton through the school towards the series of quiet rooms they had for any pupils who needed them for any reason.

“Okay, thank you, I will see if I can do anything to resolve this,” Patton responded as they appeared in front of the first quiet room.

“In here is Gabriel Rose, who we believe was the victim and the instigator, Hunter Matthews is in the room just down there,” He said pointing to a second room down the corridor.

“Alright, thank you again,” Patton said to the supervisor who nodded and returned to his duties in the playground. Patton turned his attention towards the door in front of him and with a deep breath he knocked. “Hello, it is me, Mr Hart, I am coming in now,”.

Patton slowly pushed open the door revealing the almost entirely empty room except for Gabriel sat at the table in the centre of the room. He was a petite boy, with dishevelled blonde hair caked with mud from the playground, he appeared okay physically except for a couple of scrapes and bruises which had been patched up but from his body language Patton could tell he was extremely upset by what had occurred. His entire body was trembling though whether or that that was because of fear or anger Patton could not yet tell, his eyes were glistening with tears but he refused to allow them to fall as he continuously scrubbed at his eyes, wincing whenever he accidentally grazed the scape on this cheek. Patton noticed that Gabriel was holding something in his hands, he couldn’t see at the distance what it was but Patton guessed it may be a comfort item for him.

“Hi there Gabriel, do you mind if I sit?” Patton asked understanding that Gabriel was in a vulnerable and may not wish to speak to him but he didn’t protest, instead he sharply turned his head, rubbing at his eyes once again. So Patton made his way over to the table and took a seat. “How are you feeling?”.

“Fine,” Gabriel mumbled under his breath still averting his gaze and clutching the small object in his hands, in such a way Patton couldn’t see what it was.

“It is okay if you aren’t, you are allowed to be upset, can you tell me what happened?” Patton asked hoping his words would get through to Gabriel and they could resolve whatever had happened.

“He…he…he kept making fun of me!” Gabriel exclaimed in a fit of anger as the first tears rolled down his cheeks. “He wouldn’t stop,”.

“That wasn’t very nice of him, can you tell me some of the things he was doing and saying to you,” Patton inquired further, pulling out a pack of tissues he kept, offering one to Gabriel.

“He said my bag was girly because it had pink on it and I wasn’t allowed to like it…cause it was for girls. He wouldn’t stop, I wanted him to stop it,” Gabriel continued through hiccuping sob. “He took my bag clip and laughed, I wanted it back but he wouldn’t give it back, I tried but he broke it!”.

Gabriel opened his hands, revealing a small porcelain statue of a ballerina on a string but one of the figures legs had broken off. Patton could see the red indentures in Gabriel’s hands where he had been clutching the broken figure in his hand too tightly.  

“I was mad, I pushed him and…yeah,” Gabriel trailed off as the shaking intensified and the tears kept falling.

“I’m sorry about your bag clip, it is very beautiful, was it a gift?” Patton asked hoping to distract Gabriel with a different topic of conversation and the ballerina figure was very beautifully made.

“Yeah, my big sister gave it to…No, it is broken, she is going to be very mad!” Gabriel cried once again devolving into a panic.

“Hey, hey, no…it is alright. I’m sure she will understand that it wasn’t your fault and actually how about once we get this all sorted we got back to the classroom and try and fix it. It looks like a pretty clean break and an easy fix, how does that sound?” Patton suggested with a soft smile.

“You can fix it?” Gabriel asked, appearing sceptical, looking between the figure and Patton.

“I can sure try and I am certain it will look good as new,” Patton exclaimed with a grin which Gabriel returned albeit a small one but Patton counted it as a win. “You said your sister gave it to you, is she a ballet dancer?”.

“Yup, a really good one, she is in another country to get better, she was teaching me,” Gabriel said the brightness having returned to his eyes as he discussed his sister and her dancing.

“That is wonderful, my son actually does dancing too and he really likes it,” Patton said recalling similar instances when Roman experienced bullying because he attended dance lessons, due to them being deemed by society to be ‘only for girls’, he nearly quit dancing altogether because of it but thankfully Patton convinced him not to and now his confidence has grown so much simply through be able to express himself through his dancing and Patton couldn’t be prouder.

“Really, it isn’t girly?” Gabriel asked eyes wide with surprise.

“Of course not, it is an activity and if you enjoy doing it don’t let anybody stop you from doing it,” Patton said as Gabriel’s face split into a grin, the tears vanished and the trembling stopped almost immediately. “Now, would you like to go and talk to Hunter now, you can explain why what he did and said hurt you and we can try and find a resolution. What do you think?”.

“I don’t know,” Gabriel mumbled glancing down at the broken figure in his hands.

“How about I do the talking?” Patton suggested hoping Gabriel would change his mind. He nodded and they set off down the corridor, pausing in front of the quiet room hunter was sitting in. “Hello Hunter, it is Mr Hart, Gabriel had a couple of things he wants me to say to you, I am coming in now,”.

Patton pushed open the door, revealing Hunter sat at the table, his face buried in his arms, lying on the table. Gabriel hid behind his back, moving cautiously towards Hunter who barely took up at them. Patton pulled out a seat and sat down, directing Gabriel to do so also which he did so reluctantly and once again Hunter made no interactions towards them.

“Hunter, can you look at me please?” Patton asked leaning forward slightly, watching carefully to see Hunter reaction, he only buried face further into his arms. “You aren’t in trouble, Gabriel and I would just like to talk to you about happened,”.

“I’m not?” Hunter muttered in a confused tone, lifting his head slightly, revealing scrapes and bruises similar to Gabriel’s across his face.

“No but we do need to talk about what happened, what you did and said really hurt Gabriel and I would like for you to apologise,” Patton explained gesturing to Gabriel who immediately looked away when Hunter’s eyes turned onto him.

“Why, I didn’t do anything?” Hunter explained slamming his hands onto the table, causing Gabriel to flinched back but Patton had expected this. Hunter obviously had some backwards views in regards to gender stereotypes, perhaps influenced by his parents viewpoint so it wasn’t entirely his fault, he evidently had some pent up anger and frustration and simply took it out on his classmate.

“You made fun of Gabriel for liking a certain colour and broke something incredibly special to him, I want to understand why you thought it was okay to behave in this manner?” Patton inquired as Hunter turned his gaze towards once again.

“But it is a girls colour, it is weird” Hunter muttered in his breath. So, Patton was correct, he had a warped understanding of what was considered ‘exclusively’ for boys or ‘exclusively’ for girls.

“Why do you think that?” Patton questioned further, hoping to understand where these beliefs came from.

“...My dad…,” Hunter whispered. Ah, there it was. Adults influencing their young, impressionable children with their hurtful and backwards beliefs was common. Patton had witnessed it in many other classes he taught in and it made him feel horrible for the children growing up in such toxic environments, developing a mindset which could in the future severely damage both their own self-esteem and their future relationships with others.

“You don’t need to be either a boy or girl to like a certain colour, colours are for everyone to like. That also goes for sports, girls can like football and boys can like dancing, just as long as you enjoy what you are doing. It doesn’t matter if you are a boy or a girl,” Patton explained watching as Hunter’s previously closed off and defensive demeanour began to fade away.

“Really?” Hunter asked surprise present in his tone.

“Yup, look I have a pink bracelet on,” Patton announced pulling up his sleeve to reveal the simple baby pink band around his wrist. “It is okay if you don’t like pink or activities that are considered ‘girly’ but it is not okay to make fun of others who do, so that is why I would like you to apologise to Gabriel and help him fix what you broke,”.

“I’m sorry,” Hunter eventually said after an elongated silence, immediately shifting his gaze to the table, awaiting both Patton Gabriel’s response.

“Thank you, now Gabriel do you forgive him?” Patton asked turning his attention to Gabriel who appeared far less terrified than he had done prior.

“Yes,” He responded with a nod and Patton externally sighed with relief.

“Excellent, how about we head to the classroom and fix your tiny dancer and then you can both go back to the playground?” Patton suggested and both nodded in response.

Once they made it back to classroom, Gabriel laid the two pieces of the figurine down on Patton’s desk while Patton collected the super glue from his desk drawer. It was a clean break, easily fixable and just as quickly as it was broken, it was fixed.

“Vola, good as new,” Patton said carefully lifting the figure and handing it to Gabriel, who cradled it delicately in his hands, a wide smile stretching across his face.

“Thank you,” Gabriel exclaimed, his entire expression lit up with joy as he looked upon the tiny dancer.

“What is it?” Hunter asked staring at the figure over Gabriel’s shoulder.

“It is a ballerina, my big sister gave it to me,” He answered pulling it close to his chest, away from Hunter.

“I have a big sister too,” Hunter announced stabbing his finger into his chest.

“Really?” Gabriel responded.

“Yup, she is so cool,” Hunter said and Patton’s heart swelled at little larger, recalling the numerous sweet moments which occurred between his old children.

“So is my sister,” Gabriel answered his former caution disappearing, replaced by excitement.

“How about you two keeping talking outside, lunch time is almost over?” Patton suggested they both nodded and left together, exchanging stories about their siblings until they disappeared out of sight. Patton collapsed into his chair. Crisis averted.

The remainder of the day continued without any incidents, the rest of the class went incredibly well, he ended up allowing them to chose one of the books he brought with him and they spent the rest of the day reading and talking about the book and the characters. The majority of them engaged with the story, regularly participating and sharing what they liked about the book. The school day ended soon after and before he knew it he was saying goodbye to all of his future pupils, already planning for when he returned after the summer holidays. Patton cleaned up for the day and left for Dot and Larry’s house to collect Logan and Dee.  

Pulling into the driveway outside, Patton’s stomach clenched tighter. What if something had happened? He hadn’t left Logan for this long since before the adoption. Though Logan continuously denied it, Patton knew he had been struggling to sleep lately, he hadn’t settled in as well as he was pretending to and Patton didn’t know what to do. He had agreed with Emile’s idea of patiently waiting for Logan to come to him when he wanted to talk, instead of putting him under unnecessary pressure to bear his soul to Patton and recall every horrible detail of what he experienced at the hands of both his parents and by Madame Claire but there was only so much Patton could do without the fully story. He only knew so much. Though he wasn’t sure if he could bare knowing any more. What he already knew was painful enough but he realised that it was his responsibility now and heal what they broke and support and love him unconditionally like they never did.

Neither Dot or Larry had contacted Patton regarding any major incidents, so realistically nothing was wrong and both Logan and Dee were fine but the little seed of doubt sprouting within his mind only grew. He approached the door and knocked, within minutes he was greeted by Larry, carrying Dee in his arms.

“Daddy!” Dee squealed propelling himself out of Larry’s arms into Patton open and willing ones.

“Hiya Dee-Dee, I missed you,” Patton said pulling Dee into a tight hug, chuckling at the sensation of his wild, fully curls tickling his chin. “Did you have a good day?”.

Dee nodded enthusiastically and Larry stepped aside, allowing Patton to enter and as he did he spotted both Logan and Dot sat on the sofa. Through quickly scanning Logan, he appeared to be physically fine, relaxed even with a book laid in his lap. Patton released an internal sigh of relief. Nothing had happened. Logan was okay.

“Hello Patton dear, how was work?” Dot asked lowering her knitting needles.

“It was wonderful, I got to meet all of the knew kiddos but they are certainly energetic,” Patton said with a chuckle, he loved his job but at time it could be exhausting and today was definitely no exception. “Hey Logan, how are you doing?”.

Logan flinched as he often did when directly addressed and finally met eyes with Patton.

“Ah, I am satisfactory, I have had a pleasant day,” Logan said closing the book he was holding and placing it carefully into his rucksack before standing and turning towards Dot and Larry. “Thank you for welcoming me into your home and answering my questions,”.

“Woah, that is high praise,” Larry chuckled moving to sit next Dot.

“You are very welcome Logan and you are free to come back any time you’d like,” Dot added with a kind smile which Logan returned, at least his own tiny, adorable version of it. “Patton may I speak to you for a moment?”.

“Of course, Logan could you take Dee to the car for me?” Patton asked passing Dee to Logan, who carried him out of the house and out of ear shot. “Did something happen?”.

“No…well not exactly, I just think you need to have a conversation with him. You need to be open with him before he will be open with you,”. Dot answered continuously exchanging looks with Larry, he had an idea of what she was referring to and honestly the thought of it caused his stomach to churn and his skin to grow cold but if that is what it took for Logan to fully trust him then that is what he would do.

“Alright, thank you,” Patton responded unable to voice any more.

“Of course, you are doing a great job Patty, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Dot said with a final smile which Patton attempted to return before turning to leave and making the journey home to wait for Roman and Virgil to return from school.

Once they arrived back at the house Patton allowed Dee to run free into the living room, to his pile of toys and just as Logan was about to head upstairs to his room Patton stopped him.

“Hey Logan, remember you can talk or ask me questions about anything, you know that right?” Patton asked hoping it would prompt Logan into a conversation.

“Yes, I know,” Logan responded in that straightforward manner of his. “May I go to my room to finish my reading?”.

“Ah yes, of course, have fun kiddo,” Patton said with a smile as he watched Logan walk upstairs and out of sight. Perhaps, it would take time but Patton wasn’t sure how much longer he could stand feeling so…helpless.

Patton only hoped his words had reached Logan and they communicated to him all he wanted to say aloud but he had yet to find the words.  

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Would anyone be interested in some Thomas Sander headcanons?

[anika-ann]

Heart Too Cold, but Friends of Gold - Pt.5

A Long Way (from Where We Began)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader     Word count: 3810

Summary: Avenger!reader AU. Part 2 of Melting Hearts series. Part 1 HERE.

Choices are often hard; being an Avengers just pushes it to a whole different level. Luckily for you, Steve and your friends come with those difficulties as a package deal.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of violence, angst, fluff

Story Masterlist

────── ·❆· ──────

“Steve?” your mother addressed him gently when she noticed his absent gaze.

She was good. You knew that – she was amazing at reading micro-expressions, even with people she didn’t know well. It came with her job, being sensitive to other people’s emotions, to even make sense of kids’ complicated world, but damn. With Steve, you should have noticed that before she did. And you probably would, but you were a bit… preoccupied.

Your parents meeting your whole team and the talk about everything that had happened since they learned you had died (…not) in the lab incident… it was too much to process even for you; just saying it out loud, admitting what you had done, what kind of a person you had become, it took its toll on you.

Of course, you had told them the good and great things too – about Tony and Bruce figuring out a way to end the escalated side effect on your body caused by the treatment. About Clint, Natasha and mainly Steve being there for you. Steve as a very close friend, which you hadn’t failed to specify, explaining that the different kind of relationship had come later.

And Steve had been there by your side during you narration as a moral support – he had offered to leave you and your parents some privacy (or at least as much as it was possible on the jet), but you had gripped his hand so tight that even the supersoldier had winced. He had stayed then, being your voice when the lump in your throat had grown too big or when you had got overwhelmed by your emotions.

Long story short: it had been a sobfest, but your parents had taken the news surprisingly well, considering. It had earned you a lot more hugs actually.

When you had moved to rather lighter topics – since your parents weren’t exactly talkative about their own life after you – Tony had approached you and stole your dad for a bit, because of course he had noticed the painfully obvious crush you farther had on him. You were glad there was at least something good coming out of this mess.

Anyway, all of that had had you distracted and you hadn’t noticed Steve’s mental absence.

“Yes, ma’am?” he replied immediately, his eyes focusing on her properly. Then he shifted in his position inconspicuously, realizing his mistake. You could tell he was calling himself an idiot in his head, even when it was nothing serious. “I mean… yes, Danielle?”

Your mother smiled mildly. “I understand it can take a while to get used to.”

“That’s no excuse.”

You rolled your eyes, squeezing his hand. It wasn’t as if he just disobeyed a direct order from Fury or something. Which you knew as well as he did that it was something he wasn’t opposed to.

“It is. But to what I wanted to say, Steve… he likes you, you know. Lucas.” Both yours and Steve’s eyes flickered to your father who was still talking to Tony – well, more like listening to him talk and hanging on his lips eagerly. “Just because he’s with Mr. Stark… it doesn’t mean he likes him better.”

Steve’s cheeks went a bit pink and you were punched by a fist of shame to your gut. How had you not noticed that? That Steve was bothered by it? That he was self-conscious? Did he think he could not compare to Tony, at least not when it came to your father’s sympathies?

You fought the urge to just cuddle the poor captain and slap yourself for your ignorance later.

Your mother looked at you pointedly. ‘Explain,’ she asked you wordlessly. You cleared your throat.

“Yeah. There’s no denying that dad has a crush of the size of the Avengers Tower on Tony, okay? He admires him greatly. But… you have so many traits he admires and appreciates, even when barely knowing you. And…” You made a pause, staring into Steve’s eyes intently, making sure he understood. “And he can see easily that I love you. That you make me happy, that you care for me, that you’re keeping me safe… and you would take stupid risks to keep it that way. If this was a contest for guys and I was the prize – you would totally be winning it.”

His lips twitched at the last note, but he made a disapproving face. “You’re not some kind of a prize.”

You smiled at him brightly. “Course not. But that’s not the point, Steve.”

He lowered his gaze, seemingly ashamed.

“I wasn’t… I didn’t mean to-“

You silenced him by a soft peck on his lips and he rested his forehead against yours with a sigh. You were a bit surprised by the affection he was showing in front of your parents – perhaps he sensed how much you needed him close and that was his priority.

“I’m sorry.”

You kissed him again, this time a little longer. “No harm done. I love you. So my family loves you.”

Your words were only confirmed when you retrieved and Steve reluctantly looked at your mom, probably a bit bashful about the ‘PDA’ after all. It was a baseless worry; your mother was watching you with her eyes full of delighted sparks, seemingly more than content by your interactions. It wasn’t too hard to figure out why – you hadn’t been exactly lucky during the years, let alone lucky when it came to love.

And now… Steve. Steve had happened and it was everything. You were so happy with him it was sometimes too hard to believe it was the truth. So naturally, your mom adored him.

“Uhm… sorry to interrupt, I just… I thought you might like to know that we’re going to have a visit at the Tower,” Tony announced as he walked to your little group side by side with your father.

You narrowed your eyes at him and so Steve. Your mum just looked at him with a curious smile.

“What kind of a visit exactly?” you asked suspiciously, already guessing the answer.

He wouldn’t say, but the grimace he made told you enough. It was a mixture of annoyance and respect. There weren’t many people Tony would show respect, at least a little.

The big guy was coming.

Fury.

────── ·❆· ──────  

It certainly wasn’t the first time you met Fury – he had been spending rather impressive amount of time visiting you when you had first come to the training centre, before Steve as your supervisor had decided you had been a very low-level threat and you should be moved to the Tower – but his figure got no less intimidating since then.

You knew the man was on the side of the angels, but you were also well-aware he was not one of them. And this was the first time you were about to face him alone.

Steve left the conference room with his jaw clenched so tight you thought his muscles might actually tear, but you nodded at him reassuringly, even when you were totally freaking out on the inside.

“So. How you’re holding up?” the familiar gruff voice asked and you spun to him, surprised. You blinked, processing what he had just said. Did he…?

“Uhm.” You totally didn’t see that coming. You had no answer. “Good. I mean… we are all alive.”

Fury looked out of the window, his hands connected behind his back. He seemed very captured by the view of midday Manhattan, but you knew better than that. He nodded.

“That’s understandable.”

You shrugged, instinctively curling your arms around your torso. Now you got past the polite question you hadn’t expected and the true reason of his visit would come. You might as well get on with it.

“Why did you want to see me, sir?” you whispered and his serious gaze immediately met yours.

Your heart stopped. You were never getting over the fact he only had one functioning eye – on anyone else, the tape would look ridiculous, but at him… it was just intimidating.

He eased the grip behind his back. “Straight to business. Good.”

You gulped. Maybe you could go back to the polite small talk?

“In fact, I was expecting you to reach out, so I did it before you.”

Your lips parted. What? Why would… why would you reach out to-

“About your parents, Agent Anderson. The fact someone had figured out your identity… I was expecting you to ask S.H.I.E.L.D. to keep them safe,” he explained simply and your chest felt suddenly too tight, your ribcage too small for your lungs and heart to fit in.

You had definitely not been thinking that much ahead. You had been just glad you managed to save your parents and capture Michaels and his goons. You weren’t thinking about the next steps, too caught up in the past.

“I’ll make it easy. There are only two options. Either they go underground alone, or you are allowed to come with them.”

Something stung in your eyes without warning at that kind of talk. You had heard it before – but not directed to you, always to the people you saved. Sure, there was a certain level of secrecy around your own persona and the rest of the world, but this… this was something completely different.

“You mean— you mean witness protection, right?” you choked out when you realized you were quiet for too long. “Not a safe-house with zero contact with the rest of the world? Because they can’t-“

“We can arrange both. I understand you don’t want to cut them or yourself from the world completely. But given the leak we’re investigating, there wouldn’t be a single record of where you or they would go.”

You stared at him, millions of thoughts running through your head, all the pros and cons. How fast did you have to decide? Today was just so long and you were too fucking tired for this.

All the buzz in your head curled around one simple thought though – around one terrifying idea. Then came the rest, which was scaring you only a little less.

“When you say underground, no record… you mean zero contact with the team,” you breathed out with difficulty as if something was suffocating you. And it was. The horrible idea of—of- “If I come with them, it’s not just about retirement. I would be cutting off myself of from the team personally.”

From the Avengers.

From Steve.

If you were coming with your parents, it meant losing all of the amazing people you had grown so fond of in the past months with the prospect of never seeing them again – or hearing or anything. Cutting all the ties.

It made you want to throw up.

Fury didn’t even nod this time and you knew it was painfully clear that your picture of the future was very precise. The other option you had, that you hated as much as the first one and it was just as clear.

Yet, he spelled it out for you and you wanted all but to hear the words.

“If you choose not to come with them… you’ll never make contact with them either. You won’t even know where they would go to make sure of it.”

────── ·❆· ──────  

You were never more grateful for Tony’s desire to show off his baby – the Tower. He had taken your parents for a stroll and showed them their room, promising you would talk to them later.

Which allowed you to basically storm off the conference room right into Steve’s arms. He wrapped them around you automatically, yet gently as ever.

Before you knew it, he lifted you from the ground and carried you bridal style to your room. You didn’t even know when the words started spilling from your mouth, as painful as unstoppable. You told him everything and in such speed that had you had the capacity for it, you’d admired him for catching it all.

Now you were sitting on the couch glued to each other’s side, your knees bended over his lap, his hand caressing your knee and shin.

“I’m sorry. This… this isn’t fair to you,” he whispered, his hand squeezing your knee comfortingly. His eyes were watching you with honest grief and you couldn’t bear it. With a heavy feeling in your stomach, you looked away.

“It’s not, but he’s right. There’s no other option. Either way, they need to lay low. The only question is whether I’ll be with them, quitting this, cutting all the ties with the team and hope for the best, or cutting ties with them, keeping them safe that way. It’s… I have to choose one of those.”

“It’s not a choice you should ever be forced to make.”

You chuckled humourlessly, covering his hand with yours. He immediately turned it palm up so he could hide yours; it always brought a smile on your face, the contrast. You were no elf, but your hand looked tiny in his anyway.

“You should have never be forced to make a choice of crushing into the icy ocean or not. But you were and now I am. It’s… I’ve already decided, it’s just… it hurts.”

It was the truth. The choice was obvious, in a way. But it didn’t mean you liked it. More like the opposite.

Steve tilted his head, his gaze roaming your face. You could see the hint of fear and anxiety in his features – he didn’t want to let you go. He was afraid you’d leave him. Yet… he was being strong for you. It made your heart ache even more.

“You know no one will judge you if you choose to come with them. I wouldn’t. I lost my parents and there was no stopping it. But you can be with yours if you want to and there is no shame in wanting that. You don’t owe anything anyone here. Not to Fury, not to the team, not… not to me.”

You huffed, turning your gaze to the ceiling. Sometimes you wished you could see the world as clearly as Steve did. The right, the wrong. More than that though, you might wish for him to be angry with you, not to be so kind all the time. To tell you what you were supposed to do instead.

Because choosing was hard. When you didn’t have the control of things, it was difficult and cruel, but you had to deal with it. Choosing and hoping the path you walked was right… that felt worse.

“Of course I do, Steve. And so I do to my parents, but this is not about owing, it’s about doing the right thing and about what’s best for them. I… Steve, I shouldn’t be here.” The fear became more distinctive for a fraction of second before Steve regained his composure and returned to the understanding boyfriend mode. You felt the need to explain. “I don’t mean… not in the Tower, I mean here in general. The kidnapping, it never would have happened if I died as I was supposed to-“

His face hardened, his glare piercing your eyes with deadly seriousness.

“Don’t say a thing like that. Ever. Jesus, Snowflake…”

“I’m not saying I’m not happy I’m alive, Steve. But those are the facts – I should have died. Instead, I killed three people in a split second with my uncontrollable powers and caused my parents a trauma. They are better off without me. All of you are way more equipped to deal with my shit. And I need to do is something for this fucked up world,” you stated the obvious and took a deep breath to slow down.

The levee broke and the words were flooding out without your control once more. You needed to calm down a little dammit.

“You, Steve, you and this team gave me life when I wished I rather died. I owe you everything. I got a chance to do something good and I’m not going to waste it, not for my childish want to be with people I’ll only end up poisoning. All the people should keep their distance from me, you should probably too, but I guess that’s your choice. I’m staying here if you guys will have me.”

It hurt to tell him he should stay away and you didn’t want to do it. But seeing your parents hurt because of you… you hated the idea of you being a reason for Steve getting hurt too. The only difference was that Steve was in danger 24/7 so to speak and he could take care of himself pretty well; unlike with your parents, you could afford to leave the choice of spending or not spending his time with you to him.  

Steve pressed his lips together, the corners of his mouth turning down. His eyes softened and still locked with yours, he brought his hands up to cup your face tenderly.

“It was not your fault the scientists died.”

Of all things he could have said, he chose this. It only made the lump in your throat grow when he didn’t comment on you staying here rather than coming with your parents. You blinked away the tears that gathered in your eyes for the millionth time in past 24 hours.

“It was. And even without that being my intention – they are still dead. Three people died to make me this and people I care about got hurt, including you. I… I need to let my parents go.”

Your face still in his palms, still staring at the bottom of your soul, his irises glowed with compassion and a new emotion you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“I love you,” he spoke softly, his voice thick with the very same emotion you couldn’t decode. You covered you mouth to muffle the embarrassingly loud sob that somehow escaped your lips.

Steve sighed, not annoyed, and with mumbled ‘oh Snowflake’ brought your face to his to drop a lingering kiss on your forehead.

“I love you,” he repeated, whispering. “No matter what.”

────── ·❆· ──────  

The goodbye that had come too soon – only a day later – took a number on you. You were exhausted, emotionally drained and a barely walking mess of an insomniac. You had been grateful to Fury who had taken off about an hour ago together with your sobbing parents (who had not forgot to emphasize to Steve to take care of you at least three times) for the super-secret hideout, but… even though the situation was pretty much the same as before, with you having a zero contact with them… doing it over again broke your heart.

And since you weren’t getting any sleep, you headed downstairs, where the rest of the team had been trying to squeeze information out of Michaels.

Key word: trying.

He had been refusing to give anything to anyone – not even to Natasha and she knew her way around.

You ignored Steve’s disapproving gaze as you joined his side; him, Tony and Clint were watching Natasha and Michaels in the interrogation room from behind a one-way mirror. Needless to say, it was a sad picture.

“He’s not giving you anything,” you stated and Steve sighed, giving Tony a knowing look. You didn’t understand what it meant. "What?”

“He insists on talking to you – you and you only,” Clint explained and Steve shot him a murderous glare. You raised your eyebrows.

Well. You weren’t exactly thrilled about the prospect of interacting with the scumbag again, but you sure had enough rage in you to keep your eyes open and your ears pricked to his bullshit. Now this was Steve being overprotective, for which you loved him endlessly; but it didn’t change the facts.

“Okay. I’ll do-“

“Ehh- “ “Absolutely not-” “Not sure that’s a good idea-“

“Hey! I can interrogate a person!” you objected to their protests, a bit wounded. You could!

Steve smiled at you gently, trying to keep the concern out of your sight – ha, in his dreams. “No one doubts your capabilities, Snowflake.“

“But the old man doesn’t think we should give this nutjob what he wants, so…”

You threw your hands in the air, already feeling the determination flooding your veins with adrenalin. Oh, you could squeeze him and he would be very sorry for requesting your presence.

You sprang in the direction of the door, hitting the buzzer.

“Hey!” “I really don’t think that’s a good idea-“

You entered the interrogation room, Michaels’ eyes immediately snapping your direction. He smiled widely.

“Hello, my sweetest Ice Queen. What took you so long?”

“None of your business. I’m here now. Talk,” you growled and that cocky bastard just raised his eyebrows in challenge.

“What I’m about to tell you is not for the little lady spy’s ears over here,” he exclaimed confidently.

Natasha’s hand slammed the table right in front on him. That fucker didn’t even flinch, only eyed her, apparently annoyed.

“You’re gonna talk. Right. Now,” the Russian announced, earning a head tilt from him.

You studied him for a second. He was obviously trying to push all of your buttons for fun and he seemed pretty dedicated to his thing. The others had been interrogating him for fucking hours with no result. There really was no choice to make.

“Nat, leave us alone.”

Natasha turned to you with an incredulous look. You could tell she was only acting though. A little act for him to believe he was gaining the upper hand. Damn, she was so sneaky.

“Yeah, Nat, leave us alone. Also, turn off the mikes, would you? I don’t share secrets easily, I have trust iss-“

His speech was cut off by Natasha’s fist. You would never admit it, but it kinda made you jump. Sneaky and scary as hell.

“I’m leaving, but the mikes stay on.”

You shook your head at her, adjusting to her play. Be submissive.

“No. Do as he says.” I’ll tell you later, you added wordlessly as she met your gaze. She nodded with pretended reluctance.

“People behind the glass won’t be too happy about that,” she warned you silently as she passed you.

You gulped. When she said ‘people’, you knew she meant one man in particular. But how you loved her for complying with your wish and the acting, for knowing as well as you did that this was the easiest way.

“Well-aware,” you mumbled and she knocked on the door, exiting the room when it opened. You thought you heard Steve’s protests, but they fell silent as the door clicked shut.

“You’re quite a sight to my sore eyes.”

“Cut the shit, Michaels. Start talking.”

One corner of his lips rose higher. “You might not like what you’ll hear.”

You leaned onto the table with your palms, showing him you were comfortable enough and that you had time. “I’ll take the risk. Let’s start.”

────── ·❆· ──────  

Part 6

────── ·❆· ──────  

So yeah, this is me avoiding not one but two emotionally heavy talks with the parents. It just wasn’t working out the way I wanted it to. I hope it worked for you ;) 

Thank you for reading! 

Taglist is open, so if you want in or out, send a message or an ask :))

Tags: @mermaidxatxheart​, @murdermornings​, @elisaa-shelby​ @ask-hellbent-tweek @cxptain, @kallafrench​, @smilexcaptainx @scentedsongrebel, @orions-nebula​

[ft-dads-au]

End of the Road - Chapter 2

I Take Pride In What I Am 2020 Prompt: Gift Pairing(s): Silver x Gildarts, Pre-Slash Makarov x Porlyusica

A Collaboration by @mdelpin​ and @oryu404​ AO3 | Prev: Ch 1

Summary: During a celebration dinner at his mother's house, Gildarts discovers something about Silver that he hadn't realized. Although he can't fulfill Silver’s wish, it gives him an idea that symbolizes how he feels about their future.

Chapter 2

September 8, 1989

Silver and Gildarts wisely stayed out of Porlyusica’s way as she rushed through the remaining preparations for their dinner.

“Everything looks great, mom,” Gildarts assured her, “smells good too.”

She flashed him a rare smile, “I really am proud of you, Gilly.”

“Gilly?!” Silver burst into guffaws, earning him two nearly identical glares from his boyfriend and Porlyusica.

He shuddered at the combined weight of their displeasure.

“You are never calling me that,” Gildarts declared, and when Silver attempted to respond, he covered his mouth. “Never, do you understand?” He waited until Silver nodded to remove his hand.

Silver waggled his eyebrows, “Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you have that murderous aura?”

Gildarts rolled his eyes but pulled him into a kiss regardless. “Mhhm,” he hummed, licking his lips after they separated. “Maybe I should have you for dinner instead.”

“Oh, for the love of,” Porlyusica protested, “can’t you two keep your hands off each other for five minutes?”

The doorbell rang, and Porlyusica went off to answer it, muttering under her breath about how they were much too old to be acting like lovesick teenagers.

Silver and Gildarts snickered, following her to the door to greet their guest. They stood behind her as she opened the door, revealing a short man with blond hair that was slicked away from his face in gravity-defying spikes. He gave Porlyusica an appraising once over.

“Oh, it’s you,” Porlyusica greeted their guest with barely hidden contempt, moving away from the door to let him enter the house.

“Hey, Porly, long time no see!” Makarov Dreyar grinned, clearly amused by the irritated glare he received from his hostess.

Porly? Silver mouthed at Gildarts, who shrugged his shoulders in reply.

“I’ve told you to never call me that,” Porlyusica scowled, even as she accepted the bouquet of pink roses he had brought her.

“And this is for you,” Makarov ignored Porlyusica’s remark and handed Gildarts the bottle of wine, which looked to be kind of expensive. “I had a hell of a time finding a good vintage for 1965, but this should do,” he patted Gildarts on the back, too short to reach his shoulders.

“You two know each other?” Gildarts looked from one to the other in confusion.

“You could say that. We went to medical school together,” Porlyusica muttered grouchily, moving to the kitchen to put her flowers in a vase.

“We were a little more than that,” Makarov teased, chuckling when he saw her shoulders tense.

“Don’t go putting ideas into the boy’s head,” Porlyusica scolded, glancing over at Gildarts, “What he’s trying to say is that he was one of the few people at that school who was not a complete idiot. Although that seems to have changed.”

Makarov snorted at her comment, “It’s been too long,” he opened his arms and, in a move that surprised both Silver and Gildarts, Porlyusica allowed herself to be hugged.

“So you were Gildarts supervisor?”

“Yep, all of last year and he was good enough to help me out this summer as well,” Makarov remarked, “He grew up to be a wonderful boy, who would have thought?”

Noting Gildarts' confused expression, Makarov explained, “I watched you a few times when you were little, so your mother could study. You used to have this amazing ability to break things, glad to see you outgrew that.”

“He hasn’t,” Silver piped in, earning a dirty look from Gildarts.

“Ah, this must be the significant other you’ve mentioned,” Makarov extended his hand in greeting, “Makarov Dreyar, nice to meet you.”

“Silver Fullbuster,” Silver shook his hand, “Whatever he told you about me is probably not true.”

Makarov chuckled, “Well, you must certainly be something to keep his attention, I swear Gildarts had every single woman at that center pining over him.”

“I bet,” Silver rolled his eyes, “it’s the same at school.”

“I mean, can you blame them?” Gildarts joked, “Besides, you’re just as bad. It’s how we met, remember?”

“Are you done?” Porlyusica asked them drily, not looking particularly impressed with any of them.

“Sorry, mom,” Gildarts flashed her a grin and grabbed one of the serving plates, taking it to the dinner table while Silver hurried to do the same.

“This looks wonderful,” Makarov complimented after they had sat down, “when did you learn how to cook?”

“About the same time you stopped growing,” Porlyusica sniped in return, causing Silver to almost choke on his water.

Gildarts was doing his best to keep a straight face, but it had been a long time since he’d seen his mother so riled up, and for once, it wasn’t directed at him.

“So Gildarts mentioned that you ran your practice from home,” Makarov remarked, “That was smart, it must have been very helpful when he was young.”

“Yes, it allowed me to be here when he got home after school, although it also meant that people showed up at all hours.”

“And I bet you saw them all,” Makarov smiled, “You always were a softie.”

Porlyusica slid him a guarded look, “Why do I get the sudden feeling that you’re buttering me up for something.”

Makarov shrugged, flashing her an amused smile, “You always were too suspicious.”

“Anyhow, enough about us, we’re here to celebrate our Gildarts’ accomplishment!” Makarov cheered.

“Dude, I think I just met your new dad,” Silver whispered into Gildarts’ ear, earning him an elbow to his side.

“Do you have something to add, Silver?” Porlyusica fixed him with one of her no-nonsense looks.

Silver’s eyes twinkled with mischief, “No, ma’am, just that Gildarts worked really hard for this, and I’m really proud of him.” He gave his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek, chuckling when Gildarts whispered, “Nice save.”

“You two make a lovely couple,” Makarov complimented, “it’s refreshing to see. How long have you been together?”

“About two and a half years,” Gildarts answered in between bites, “So how come you never told me you knew my mom?”

“Well,” Makarov tapped his fingers on the table, “I figured if you were anything like your mother you’d want to make sure you got the job on your own. And you did.” Makarov added quickly, “I chose you based on your own merit. I just didn’t want you to ever doubt it.”

“I just wish I could have gotten your help with this new project I’m working on, you’d be perfect for it,” Makarov said wistfully.

“Is this the center thing you mentioned on the phone?” Gildarts asked, eyes flashing with interest.

“A center?” Silver questioned, “What kind of center?”

“Well, the old-style orphanages are gone, replaced by something called the foster system. Now families can apply to care for children. The government pays them a stipend to cover the costs of housing a child in their care. It could be an orphan or a child taken away from its parents for any number of reasons. In time these families can even petition to adopt the child,” Makarov explained.

“I didn’t know you could do that,” Silver commented, and it wasn’t hard to see he was excited about the idea, “I’d love for us to do something like that, Gil. Not now, of course, but maybe when we’re more settled, you know? We could get a bigger house, foster a few kids, maybe even give them a home.”

“You want us to have kids?” Gildarts gawked at his boyfriend, “You’d never said anything about that before.”

“Don’t you want to?”

“I hadn’t really considered it, but I mean, I like kids, and I love you so…” Gildarts scratched his head.

“I’m sorry to say you wouldn’t be allowed to,” Makarov interrupted Gildarts’ musing, “There are certain laws in place as to who can and cannot apply to foster a child, and unfortunately same-sex couples are in the cannot column.”

“What? But why?!” Silver protested, “We’d make excellent parents.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Makarov smiled kindly, “It’s obvious you love each other, and you’d probably be better parents than those that are just doing it for the money. To be honest, I feel the foster system has introduced more problems than it’s solved. That’s exactly why I want to open this center.”

“What do you mean?” Silver wrinkled his brow, trying to understand what the man was saying.

“Some of these kids get abused by their foster parents. More often than not, it’s their word against an adult’s, and the government isn’t that interested in taking them back now that they don’t have a lot of space to keep them,” Gildarts put in, “So if it gets bad enough, these kids turn to the streets, and it’s even worse for them there. Drugs, prostitution, slavery, they were talking about that in one of my classes last week. They can’t even get access to health care services cause that would get them caught. It’s even worse if they’re like us.”

Gildarts peered at Makarov with respect, “Is that what you want to do, create a place they can go to get services?”

“I knew it!” Porlyusica slammed her fist on the table, “I knew you were buttering me up for something. I have my own practice Makarov, I don’t have time to humor your whims.”

“Porly, these kids are getting lost. You always said Gildarts never had much, but he had you. These kids have no one. Besides, Rob, Yaj, and Goldmine already agreed to help. I’m even trying to get Bob to come back from Edolas for this.”

“You have Rob, you don’t need me.”

“You know as well as I do that some girls prefer female doctors,” Makarov reminded her, “You also know you’re only protesting cause I’m the one asking.”

“That’s enough! You were invited here to celebrate Gildarts’ achievement,” Porlyusica’s eyes flashed with anger, and to no one’s surprise, Makarov backed down.

“But Mom, this is really important.” Gildarts protested, “Didn’t you always tell me that if there was a way I could help it was my responsibility to do so?”

“No, Gildarts, she’s right, this wasn’t the right time to bring it up.” Makarov acknowledged, but a corner of his mouth lifted at Gildarts’ words.

Gildarts was about to say something when Silver spoke, “So do you have any funny stories from Gildarts’ internship you can tell us?”

“Do I ever,” Makarov grinned, eyeing Gildarts playfully, “There was this one girl in particular-”

“Noooo,” Gildarts groaned, “Please don’t tell him that story, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Even more reason to tell me,” Silver prodded, rubbing his hands together in glee.

They spent the rest of the dinner listening to Makarov’s stories, and despite his protests, Gildarts laughed along with them, always loving to be the center of attention. After helping to clear the table, Silver and Gildarts sat outside while Porlyusica gave Makarov a tour of her practice.

Gildarts put his arm around Silver’s shoulders, smiling when Silver leaned into him.

“What are you thinking about?” Gildarts asked when Silver had remained quiet for many minutes.

“Just how stupid this all is,” Silver sighed, “They’d rather have an abusive asshole care for a child than someone who doesn’t fit their idea of normal. It’s like they think we’re some kind of contagious disease or something. It just reminds me of growing up with my dad, terrified of him realizing how I felt, but still wanting his approval so damn badly.”

There wasn’t much Gildarts could say to that, so he squeezed his boyfriend’s hand tightly and changed the subject. “I never knew you felt so strongly about having kids.”

“I didn’t really think about it. Before I met you, I just assumed I’d end up marrying some girl and having kids. It’s what was expected of me, you know?” Silver tensed in his arms, “I’d never really considered any other outcome.”

“Silver,” Gildarts hesitated before continuing, “If this isn’t what you want long term, it’s okay.”

“That’s not what I said, I wouldn’t give you up just so I could have a family,” his forehead furrowed in thought. “A lot of those kids that Makarov was talking about, they run away because they’re like us, don’t they?”

“It’s not that simple, but yeah, a lot of them are LGBT or have untreated mental health issues. Sometimes they’re just physically abused or malnourished. There’s no one reason. The only thing they all probably have in common is that they’re scared.”

“I want us to help them if we can,” Silver entreated, “that’s kind of like being a parent too, isn’t it?”

“It is,“ Gildarts assured him, “I’ll tell Makarov we want to help however we can.”

“Do you think your mom will change her mind?” Silver asked, surprised when Gildarts started to laugh. “She never stood a chance,” he explained, “Makarov will continue to hound her until she says yes. He’s relentless. No wonder he was so eager to come over.”

Silver was still caught up in his own gloomy thoughts when he felt Gildarts kiss the top of his head before nuzzling it, “It won’t always be like this. People are starting to take notice of the injustices, and maybe this center will help bring awareness to some of these issues.”

More than anything, he wanted to share in Gildarts’ optimism, but he wasn’t as sure. In his experience, there was still too much hatred for things to change anytime soon.

They sat together in silence, watching the stars until they were called back inside for dessert.

0-0

“Wakey wakey, “ Gildarts singsonged annoyingly into Silver’s ear.

“Go away,” Silver whined, pushing his boyfriend away even as he tried to keep his eyes shut. “Come on, Gil, it’s Saturday, one of the few days we can sleep late.”

“Not today, come on, we’re going out,” Gildarts got up from the bed, grabbing the covers and taking them with him.

“Like that’s gonna work,” Silver muttered, snuggling into the sheets, grabbing hold of Gildarts’ pillow and hugging it to his chest. He tried to go back to sleep, but now that Gildarts had left the bed and taken all of the warmth with him, he couldn’t seem to settle again. After a few more attempts, he groaned and got up.

He walked out of their bedroom and scowled at his boyfriend, who was cheerfully preparing breakfast and coffee.

“How can you be this fucking chipper?”

Gildarts only laughed and handed him a mug filled with coffee before grabbing the plates of food off the counter and moving them to the table. “Not all of us are grumpy in the morning. Now hurry up and eat.”

Silver tried to remain irritated, but it was hard to do when everything looked and smelled so good. “Fine,” he relented, ”What is so important that we needed to get up so early?”

Gildarts rolled his eyes and sat across from him, “Dude, it’s like ten o’clock. It stopped being early hours ago.”

“You haven’t answered my question,” Silver declared, feeling the beginnings of curiosity gnaw at him.

“That’s because it’s a surprise.” There was a gleam to Gildarts’ eyes that Silver wasn’t sure he trusted, but he knew from experience if his boyfriend was determined to keep something to himself, there was no getting it out of him.

They finished eating and quickly got ready, leaving their apartment roughly thirty minutes later. The fall air was invigorating, and they began to walk towards the university. Thinking that they were headed to some student performance or something, Silver stopped paying attention to where they were going and trusted Gildarts to lead them while he thought about what he still needed to get done before Monday’s classes.

They stopped sooner than what he had anticipated, and he soon realized they weren’t on campus. In fact, they were standing in front of the Magnolia Animal Shelter, which had a colorful sign hung up, declaring that day as an Adoption Day.

He turned to look at his boyfriend in confusion, noticing that he seemed almost shy for once, “What are we doing here?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said last night, the things you wanted and-,” Gildarts seemed flustered, his fingers combing through his hair, “and I know this isn’t the same, but it is something we can adopt together.”

“Someday we’ll have that future you talked about with the house and the kids,” he said reassuringly, “but until then, maybe this can serve as a sort of promise. Either way, it’ll be good practice.”

Silver was at a loss for words, he’d never expected Gildarts to take what he’d said so seriously. Certainly not enough to try to do something about it, and for once, he threw caution to the wind, kissing Gildarts in broad daylight for anyone to see.

“Thank you,” Silver breathed out, smirking at the flabbergasted expression on Gildarts’ face, who could only nod in reply.

He pointed to the door of the shelter and asked, “Shall we?”

“I’ve never had a pet before,” Gildarts admitted, “This is kind of exciting.”

“Ah, so the truth comes out, you just wanted to convince me to get a dog,” Silver teased, chuckling when Gildarts immediately protested the accusation.

They entered the building already discussing what kind of dog they wanted, spending almost an hour looking into every kennel they could. Gildarts was excited about getting a puppy, but Silver was convinced that they needed a dog that was already housebroken since they were often gone for long periods of the day.

They had almost made their choice, much to the delight of the frazzled volunteer, when Silver noticed an older lady looking sadly at a dog they had walked past earlier.

Gildarts had also noticed her and had already walked over, “Is everything okay, ma’am?”

“What?” She blinked at him in surprise, “Oh, yes.”

Silver joined them, his curiosity aroused as well. Inside the kennel, there was a young, gray pitbull, with a white belly and gorgeous blue eyes, who looked rather sweet and seemed to be whimpering at the old lady. “Are you planning to take him home?” he asked after checking the information card.

The old lady sighed, “I can’t, I was the one that brought him here. My tenant association threatened to have me evicted otherwise. They said Slate was dangerous, but that’s not true.

“I didn’t want to give him up,” the old woman looked at Silver apologetically, “but I have nowhere else to go, and I couldn’t find anyone to take him.”

Silver could see Gildarts narrowing his eyes as he read the card, and suddenly he was kneeling in front of the kennel and calling out to the dog.

“Come here, Slate,” he called, and the dog cocked his head at him. A few seconds later, he moved to sniff Gildarts’ offered hand. He whimpered again, his tail wagging tentatively.

“Who’s a good boy?” Gildarts cooed as he patted the dog on the head, already looking at Silver with wide, pleading eyes.

Silver reread the information card to see what had caused Gildarts’ sudden interest, and that’s when he caught something that he’d missed before, making his stomach drop.

DEATH DATE: 09/10

That was tomorrow! Silver knelt next to Gildarts, holding out his hand as well, smiling as the dog licked it.

“His name is Slate, Silver,” Gildarts coaxed.

Silver turned his attention to the woman, “Is there anything we need to know about him?”

“He’s a wonderful dog, he’s very affectionate. Please don’t let them kill him,” the woman was close to tears, and he could see Gildarts was as close as he’d ever seen him. Apparently Porlyusica was not the only softie, Silver mused.

“Well, let’s take him for a walk then.”

Slate was indeed a wonderful dog, and five minutes into the walk, he’d already started to worm himself into their hearts. They decided to adopt him and demanded both their names be on the application, to the confusion of the woman writing up the form.

An hour later they left, after having purchased all the things they would need, using up some of the money Gildarts had saved for emergencies.

They spent the rest of the day at home, getting Slate settled in. Silver tried to get back to his studies but couldn't help but peek over the edge of his book, drawn to the almost childlike joy he could hear in Gildarts' giggles. He watched with adoration as Gildarts lay on the floor, wrestling with Slate, who rewarded him by enthusiastically licking his face.

After a few more failed attempts at studying Silver gave in to the urge of joining them on the floor. Slate came right up to him to give him dog kisses too, and he could hear Gildarts’ chuckle at whatever expression he was making. Once he was done with his greeting Slate settled between them, tired from all the playing and exploring of his new home.

“Are we still going to your mom’s tomorrow?” Silver asked as he stroked the smooth coat of fur on Slate's head, smiling at how content the dog already seemed with them.

“Of course! We have to introduce her to the grandkid,” Gildarts snickered as Silver rolled his eyes.

“Well, we should let this little guy go out to do his business before we get to bed then, you know she likes us to get there early,” Silver reminded him.

Gildarts hummed in agreement, getting up to look for the leash they had bought. Once they’d managed to coax Slate up they walked him down the stairs and out the door. It was late enough that the streets were mostly empty so when he felt Gildarts lace their hands together Silver didn’t even blink.

And perhaps this was the biggest gift of all, these little moments they could now look forward to where they were just a couple taking their dog out for a walk, free to express their love even if only in the cover of night.

[katehuntington]

Title: Ride With Me (part six) Fandom: Supernatural AU Characters series: Reader, Dean Winchester, Bobby Singer, Ellen Singer-Harvelle, Jo Singer (Harvelle), Benny Lafitte, Ash Miles, Garth Fitzgerald IV, Castiel Novek, and many more. Timeline: 2008 Pairing: Dean x Reader (eventually) Word count: ±1900 words Summary series: Y/N is a talented horse rider who is on her way to become a professional. In order to convince her father that she deserves the loan needed to start her own farm, she goes to Arizona for six months, to intern at a ranch owned by Bobby and Ellen Singer. Her future is set out, but then she meets a handsome horseman, who goes by the name of Dean Winchester. A heartwarming series about a cowboy who falls for the girl, letting go of the past and the importance of family.  Summary part six: Y/N is getting lost in the feelings that she’s developing for Dean, and it doesn’t take long before Jo takes notice. Warnings series: NSFW, 18+ only! Fluff, angst, eventually smut. Swearing, smoking, alcohol intoxication, alcohol abuse. Mutual pining, heartbreak. Crying, nightmares, childhood trauma. Description of animal abuse, domestic violence, mentions of addiction. Financial problems, stress, mental breakdown. Description of blood and injury, hospital scenes, character death, grief. Music: Check out ‘Kate Huntington’s Ride With Me playlist’ on Spotify! Author’s note: Thank you @kittenofdoomage and @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish for helping me. You girls are awesome betas.

Ride With Me Masterlist

     Okay, maybe the tequila last night wasn’t such a good idea. Neither was that margarita the previous night, or the drinking game the night before that one. Or was it the other way around? Y/N cannot seem to recall, but today is Friday, so at least tomorrow she can sleep her way through the headache. Never ever did she drink as much as she did this week. Normally that would bother her, especially considering she’s not here on Spring break. But when the drinks are offered in a time when she needs a little something to stop thinking about that damned Dean Winchester, she couldn't care less about the increase of alcohol consumption.

     She found the balance quite quickly, too. Intoxicated enough to let go of the complexity that comes with growing fondness of the head wrangler, but sober enough to stop herself from doing anything stupid. The consequence is, however, that on this morning ride, her brain feels like it’s trying to expand beyond the size of her head. Thank God her stomach isn't acting up, because Joplin is trotting under her nervously. Seems like Y/N is having trouble finding the ‘walk’ button this early. The hot-blooded mare fails to respond when her rider asks her to slow down by saying ‘ho’ with a calm voice, but when Y/N breathes out, relaxes her legs, and shifts deeper in the saddle only by a fraction of an inch, the black horse transitions to walk.

     “Good girl,” Y/N compliments her.

     Three days without riding were more than she could handle. Meadow needed some time to recover from the long journey and to get used to her new home, but Y/N needed to restrain herself from climbing on the mare’s back anyway. She imagined this was a glimpse of what it would be like to kick an addiction cold turkey, going into withdrawal from the lack of her drug. As if not being able to train her own horse wasn't enough, it took another extra day before Y/N got onto any horse at all. It wasn't until yesterday morning that the supervisor decided that she deserved a shot at proving herself as a wrangler. She had to earn that by mucking, shit scooping, cleaning tack, and turning horses in and out. Which she gets, of course. Dean and Bobby wanted to see what she is made of before they let her ride one of their animals. But boy, was she frustrated. She even got to the point that Garth almost caught her muttering a promise to herself that if she had to clean up some horse’s massive dump one more time without a reward, she would be out of here.

     Yesterday she finally got to accompany a few guests on a trail. It was amazing to feel the horse move under the saddle again, the experience of the communication that she established within a second, and how the perfect fit on his back felt like home. Apparently, she did well, because on this morning ride, she is allowed to come along too.

     Content, she looks ahead at the large group of inexperienced riders, who find their way down the hill with some difficulty. The respect Y/N holds for the trail horses has grown, because their patience and ability to keep their clumsy passengers in the saddle hasn't ceased to amaze her. Bruce, a draft horse mix, has halted several times already, waiting motionless until his overweight German load has pulled himself back into the saddle after slowly tipping to one side. It's quite entertaining to watch.

     As she smiles at what’s playing out in front of her, the sound of hoofsteps close by on the rocky surface reaches her hearing. When she glances over her shoulder, a beautiful buckskin is just about to transition to an easy walk after catching up. Her eyes glide up until they meet his rider.

     “So, how are you this morning?” Dean wonders, a playful smile on his face.      It takes a short moment for her to answer, taken aback by her body’s response to the sight of the wrangler. A whirlwind starts to twist in her stomach, yet the headache suddenly doesn't seem as tormenting as it was a minute ago.      “I'm okay,” she claims.      He grins. “Sure about that? You had quite a few drinks last night.”      “I can handle myself,” she returns defensively, narrowing her eyes at him a little.      “Oh, I’m sure you can.”

     He chuckles, the warm and low sound rumbling deep in his throat triggering Y/N to peek at him from the corner of her eye. Was that a nervousness she detected? Did she just make him uneasy? He looks down, his lips drawn in a small smile. The sun from the east outlines the sharp lines of his jaw, edged by a scruff; apparently he didn't take the time to shave this morning. Boy, is she glad he didn’t.

     “Okay, I'll admit,” she says, trying to take away his insecurities. “My stomach might be a little… unsettled.”      Y/N isn’t lying, although alcohol has nothing to do with the butterflies that came to life inside of her. He doesn't know that, thankfully, yet he keeps a hold of his intern’s gaze for a little while longer, reading her. As if Dean’s horse wants to help love a little, the Quarter sways closer to her horse Joplin, the two of them now riding stirrup to stirrup. His knee slightly brushes against hers every other step and despite that it's barely a touch, she’s highly aware of the physical contact.

     “Don't throw up on your horse if you want to leave a good impression with me. Believe me, it ain't pretty,” Dean half jokes, half flirts.      She throws her head back in a laugh. “Don't worry, I won't. But please don't tell me you have seen that happen.”      “More than once, I'm afraid,” he remembers, turning in his saddle to face his younger cousin. “Ey, Jo?”      The blonde cowgirl, who is about thirty yards behind them, throws him a confused look, since she hasn't picked up a word of their conversation. Puzzled, she watches, inducing the riders further up to laughter.      “No way!” Y/N cries out.      “I ain’t kiddin’,” Dean sniggers. “I'll save that story for another time. Y’know, when your stomach isn't ‘unsettled’ by the same tequila that started Jo’s tale.”

     He spurs his horse, who canters forward to meet the group of guests up ahead. She observes Dean as the morning sun portrays the cowboy and his horse in a romantic light. Out here, away from the city, the Arizona landscape would have anyone believe that they traveled back to the time, when the Wild West was still the real deal. Cacti surround them, peculiar mountain peaks shaped by ten thousand years of wind erosion obstruct the far edge of the world. And in this perfect portrait rides a handsome cowboy, one with his horse, clouds of dust in their wake. An amused smile allows a glimpse of Y/N’s true feelings to shine through. There it is again, that tingly sensation in her belly. Sure, Dean. Blame it on the tequila, she thinks to yourself.

     “What the hell was that?”      Now that Dean left his spot next to her, Jo has caught up, gently pulling the reins as she sits back to bring her horse’s pace down.      Feeling caught, Y/N looks at her, brought off balance by the spite in the cowgirl’s voice. “What do you mean?”      “Oh, c’mon, Yankee. I wasn’t born yesterday, and neither were you. You just completed your master in business, don't act like you're stupid,” Jo counters. “You and Dean, what’s going on?”      The cowgirl eyes her in shock, her jaw dropping unpleasantly surprised. Was it really that obvious? How is she going to talk herself out of this one?      “I - I don't--” she stutters, blood rushing to her face. “There - there's nothing--”      She’s not sure if it’s her shameful expression or the fact that she lost her tongue, but Jo knows enough. She closes her eyes and sighs deeply.      “Y/N…” her friend starts, a mixture of disappointment and pity present in her voice. “Please don't go down that road. He will hurt you so bad you're gonna wish you never gone on that flight that got you here.”      Now the intern sighs too. Denying will not do her any good. Jo is smart enough to see right through it.      “Listen, I really like having you around. You're good company, you're a hard worker, you're great with the horses, and I don’t wanna lose my sis,” the ranch owner’s daughter says genuinely. “I would hate to see you leave because of my heartbreaker of a cousin. I've seen this play out so many times already, don't walk into that trap.”      “I think that ship has sailed,” her friend admits out loud.

     The words startle the woman who speaks them just as much as they stun Jo; she didn't intend to share that with her new friend already. But now that the comment is hovering between them without a way to take it back, a part of her is glad it’s out there. Dean has been about the only thing on her mind since she first saw him. Not being able to talk about that with anyone was driving her mad. She needs to vent to someone, someone she can trust.

     Shocked by the bombshell that Y/N just dropped, Jo turns her head to orient her big eyes towards the man in question. That son of a bitch..      “Well, that didn't take long…” The cowgirl shakes her head, then looks her in the eye after her confession. It's clear she feels sorry for her friend. “I'll talk to him.”      “No! Jo, please don't. Look, I didn't forget about your warning and I’m surely not going to act on these... feelings,” she guarantees, barely able to get out the word. “But I can't shut this off. It caught me by surprise as well.”      “He tends to have that effect on women,” Jo mutters.      “I won't do anything stupid,” Y/N assures her.      Jo glances at the intern from under her hat. “Promise?”

     She looks backs at her new friend. Honestly, she isn’t sure if she’s strong enough to resist Dean, but this agreement might help her stick to the plan. The plan to complete her internship successfully and return home to start her own ranch. It's all she ever wanted, it has been her life goal for as long as she can remember. Is she really going to let some cowboy stop her from fulfilling that dream? A very handsome, sweet, and utterly irresistible cowboy, but nonetheless. She will reach for the stars and she will have her wish, nothing will stand in her way, not even him. And so a reassuring smile forms on her lips.

     “I promise.”

Well, the cat’s out of the bag. Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to like or reblog my work, shoot me a message or buy me coffee (Link to Kofi in bio at the top of the page).

Read part seven here