#and i love how different passages really stick out to different people

[livwritesstuff]

I’ve got birthdays on the brain, so now I’m wondering how the guys handle the girls birthdays over the years and if they have any fun traditions as a family?

Oh yeah birthdays are definitely a Big Deal in the Harrington house. I feel like that comes from a combination of Eddie never having enough money to have a real birthday celebration growing up and Steve never having people who cared in the way he needed.

I think the way birthdays gets celebrated changes over the years and as the girls get older, but in general the conversation usually starts with we can do whatever you want (within reason, Steve usually interjects before things can get out of hand). When the girl are little, they do everything from hosting a formal princess tea party (Hazel’s sixth birthday — Eddie spent a month thrifting all the china cups and plates and saucers) to renting out a skate park after hours for laser tag (Moe’s 11th — Steve barely refrained from totally wiping the floor with a bunch of fifth-graders).

Once the girls hit middle school, they start wanting different things — usually big sleepovers with all their friends, but Hazel will sometimes ask for a shopping day instead, and for Robbie’s sixteenth birthday she bartered for her fourth lobe piercings (which Steve was happy to oblige given that it’s not exactly a big ask, and she’d done the second and third ones on herself which….wasn’t ideal).

No matter what the plan ends up being, they usually do the standard cake and ice cream and presents type of deal, and they definitely have some unspoken traditions that weren't necessarily planned, per se, but happen annually nonetheless.

Without fail, Eddie always gets all sad the night before a birthday because, "It's your last day ever being [insert age here]."

It first happened when Moe was about to turn two and Eddie realized that the year he’d spent telling everyone about his one-year-old baby (and it had been a seriously fun year too — the best one yet) was undeniably over, and he wasn’t ready to admit that Moe wasn’t really even a baby anymore. He spent the whole night before her second birthday snuggling her and bemoaning to Steve about how, “the merciless passage of time has claimed yet another victim”.

It turned into an annual thing — Eddie making a whole show out of telling the girls to stop growing up, which they totally eat up when they're little, and pretend to be exasperated by when they're teenagers (even though they still love it).

I also think Eddie would be the party mastermind, whereas Steve likes to focus on the little things.

Birthday morning breakfasts look like a whole plate with their name spelled out in pancake letters, and a little too much syrup and berries and a swirl of whipped cream with a candle sticking out of it, and Steve ties a bunch of balloons to their designated chair at the kitchen table, and he spends the whole rest of the day making sure that even the mundane moments are making them feel special and celebrated.

[oldtvandcomics]

Pulptober 2024: 26 - Not Like We Remember

"It's inevitable that, through the adaptation process and the passage of time, people's ideas of what a character is changes. This is for characters where this is...particularly drastic such that the way people envision them is often radically different from how they were originally." - Original prompt by @krinsbez

I have A LOT of thoughts about this, so I'm going to change my usual pattern of going for a character and write an essay instead.

TL;DR: In my experience, one could argue that this is true for all stories that have gone through some adaptations. At least it is in the minds of the general population. Fans who are invested enough to watch/read the original might be a little different, depending on which character you're talking about.

Many fans have pointed out fandoms' bad tendency to simplify and occasionally twist characters in order to fit them into neat narrative boxes, and the way that this hurts fanworks, because they now fail to interact with any of the things that made said character unique to begin with. What I would like to propose:

Mainstream adaptations and popular perception of a story do this too.

Trends that I have observed to happen during adaptations:

All clever characters -> insufferable genius who is full of themselves and keeps rubbing this into everyone's face (Sherlock Holmes; the Doctor, occasionally)

The one woman important for the story -> the hero's love interest, if he didn't originally have one (Irene Adler; Lenore "Casey" Case; Lieutenant Uhura*; Dan Reid Sr.'s wife (who also appears to have changed her first name from Linda to Rebecca in the process? *The 2008 Star Trek movie is ALSO guilty of erasing two out of the three important female officers, leaving only Uhura. If you were to give Spock a love interest, why didn't you stick with Nurse Chapel?! But those movies are a rant for another time.)

"Cool" male hero -> Insufferable asshole who thinks that he is cooler and better than anyone else and treats women like assets to get across how cool he is (Captain Kirk; Han Solo too, at least I personally would argue so)

White hero + partner who is a person of color, both more or less equally competent -> White guy is a complete idiot who wouldn't be able to keep himself alive + partner is insanely competent and does the work for both of them without receiving any thanks (The Lone Ranger + Tonto; The Green Hornet + Kato)

Any period typical prejudices that might have been present in the original get amplified by ten (The Green Hornet; The Lone Ranger; Sherlock Holmes; the First Doctor)

Two very close male friends -> They hate / barely tolerate each other (The Lone Ranger + Tonto; The Green Hornet + Kato; Kirk and Spock (!!); Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson)

Any woman in a leading position -> Girl with a sword and very 21st century attitude (Nimue that one time; Not sure how much Enola Holmes counts because she is an original character, but....)

Woman who is NOT in a leading position but doing her thing -> Screaming damsel in distress (Susan Foreman; Lois Lane in the minds of those who don't actually consume these stories)

There are absolutely more, these are just the most obvious ones that are bothering me. My general attitude towards older stories is to approach them with the best possible intention, and try to read past any outdated language and tropes. There is SO MUCH beauty and diversity there if you do that! But I really have the impression that the people making these adaptations don't always approach the original with the same good faith, if they really read/watch/listen to these stories at all. And then there is of course the inevitable game of telephone between people who know the original and understand the cultural context it was made in, people who know the original but don't understand the context, and people who only know the original through pop culture osmosis.

IDK, the only solution I see is to drastically shorten copyright, so that the people who get to retell these stories are the ones who actually love them, and of course to give Hollywood writers the time and resources to actually do their research. None of which I see happening.

[heinousactszx]

majora's mask is a game that does live up to the hype

you've already seen my grumbling about the controls and how they drag down the experience, so i won't go into them anymore here, saying only that they do feel better than ocarina did (whether because the controls improved or the game world was better designed around them, i can't say). because other than that, there's just so much to love

My favorite thing about zelda games is the exploration. I thought that I wouldn't get as much of it in this game because of its smaller scale (necessitated by its short window of development). But by instituting the timeloop, the devs basically created a different avenue of exploration: time. because the world and characters move with the passage of time, you get to explore their personalities and needs the same way you'd find a cave or forest. and i think that's really cool. you really get to know this town and the people in it. the sidequests are a little confusing, but they make for some interesting gameplay as you figure out what to use where, and more importantly when

the dungeons were also a big step up. there's only 4, but they're more extensive than anything in ocarina, with some clearly uses of setpieces and puzzles that require full use of your abilities. the transformation masks themselves are such a fun idea. ultimately they're just more involved items, sure, yet it's just really fun to be someone other than basic link. the fact that they can all fight in addition to help clear areas is great. plus all the different reactions people will have to the different forms, and the way they're all incorporated into the story as characters. it just comes together to make a more gratifying, exciting experience to play

but enough about gameplay. the real meat of majora's mask, the reason it has endured as the favorite of so many, is the story itself. not just the story, the whole surreal aesthetic of the game is like nothing that's been in zelda before or since. this brutal, depressing game about death that looms over the whole world. reading people's reactions to it, the ones who give in to despair but also the ones who are determined to stick through it. the time loop adds so much to the experience. I've talked about the nature of the time limit and how stressful it can be, but that's all intentional. the game makes you feel the intense pressure that link and the land of termina is under, the feeling of hopelessness that comes with the end so clearly in sight. the final hours, when the town is abandoned and moon is about to crash, is one of the most harrowing experiences i've felt in a video game

but those bits of joy you get from helping everyone are what make it all worth it. playing the game and skipping the sidequests feels like the absolute way to play majora. saving the ranch and helping both romania and cremia. inspiring gorman to be a better man. breaking the postman from his life-threatening routine. saving the old woman from getting robbed. everything to do with anju and kafei. even skull kid, tatl and tael and our glimpses into who they were before. saving these people means everything, both in a literal and metaphorical sense. it is incredibly cathartic to finally end the threat and reach the dawn of a new day, in a way few other video games have hit for me.

finally i would be remiss to not mention the music. zelda always has good music, but for a game as moody and driven as this one, it was a necessity. clock town, the great bay, stone tower temple, the song of healing, the oath to order, the final hours. you could not have created such a compelling game without the music that went with it

i've said my piece about 3d zelda games before, and I think i'll always prefer the 2d ones when given the choice. but as far as those 3d games go, I don't think I could argue anything other than Majora's mask in that top spot

Twilight princess is next on the list. in a bit. Majora is a game that demands i process it for a while. it deserves no less

[starshinewriter]

a little late but here's my ao3 wrapped for 2024 (template from @justawanderer)

How many words have you written this year?

115,676

2. How many works did you publish this year?

7

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

it's really hard to choose but i think i have to go with Roles can be Hard, but These are Worth it because i think its one of my strongest works and i love writing in that style

4. What work of yours has the most hits?

So Tell Me When You're Gonna Let Me In if we're only counting works published this year, ABOM if we're not.

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

i didn't really get too many comments this year unfortunately.

6. Favorite title you used?

So Tell Me When You're Gonna Let Me In

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

i only did one so keane

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

Huey,Dewey&Louie to the surprise of no one

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

i really got into anxceit this year so it was fun writing for them

10. What work was the quickest to write?

i wanna say The Difference, it took 2/3 days i think

11. What work took you the longest to write?

Louie: Avatar's Journey to Self-Acceptance took about a month im pretty sure

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

too many

13. What’s your longest work of the year?

Louie: Avatar's Journey to Self-Acceptance at 15,290k, ABOM at 53,723 if we're including works that weren't published this year

14. What’s your shortest work of the year?

It's Just That Simple at 698

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

A Bond of Magic and Us Weirdos Have to Stick Together are both continuing this year

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

none

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

luz! or king, love that little guy

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

janus, he's.... tricky

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

theres a couple. ummm, mac&bloo, five&viktor, maybe moxiceit??

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

probably To See You Again honestly

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year?

860

22. Which work has the most comments?

So Tell Me When You're Gonna Let Me In. people love baffy, not that i can blame them

23. Did you do any collaborative work this year?

no :( maybe this year

24. Did you write any gifts this year?

i did! i wrote The Difference for @michimonie as part of the duckblr secret santa

25. Did you get any gifts this year?

not writing wise but i got this amazing drawing from @savasanajunkie, also as part of the secret santa

26. What’s your most common category?

general

27. What do you listen to while writing?

spotify or youtube playlists

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

To See You Again or the Louie avatar fic

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

There was just something about Daffy... He was unlike any one Bugs had ever met, he made Bugs do things he would never consider doing- feel things he never thought he would feel, he brought out a side of Bugs no one ever had. 

There was a word for that. What was it?- from So Tell Me When You're Gonna Let Me In

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

umm yeah i guess that i wrote as much as i did. i didnt think i wrote a lot really, but looking back on it it was a pretty normal year for me

i also want to give a quick shout-out to The Caretaker, The Protector and The Observer because i didnt get to talk about it but i love it very much!

but yeah, this was super fun to do! heres to more fics in 2025!

[formula-fun]

hi sorry I'm just,,,,fully copy pasting passages bc I don't know how else to show how I'm fucking jsnxbsnsbvd

"He sacrifices a lot for his team. Recently, they’ve started making sacrifices for him, too. They’ve begun doing things for him that they didn’t used to, now that he’s winning again, or maybe now that Fred is here. It’s hard to say.

Maybe that’s what love is. He loves Ferrari. He loves Ferrari down to his bones, and he’ll never stop. Love is sacrifice, sometimes, and other times it’s pushing each other to be better; it’s him staying with his team and his team staying with him even when neither are at their best, and the rest of the world can’t stand either."

I just. The entire piece was just fucking phenomenal but this just gaaaaahhhhhhshsjdjsjjsjsns

I'm a pretty fast reader so I finished both parts in a day, but after my first time now I'm rereading and going slow and savouring it like chocolate and it's just. So lovely

thank you for writing it, it's a privilege to read your work

☀️

hahshashs ☀️☀️ thank YOU for the comment!!! i love getting full pasted passages because i love knowing what jumps out to people or sticks with them!! it's always something different for everyone and it's just really fun to see <3333

[a-couple-of-notes]

assorted ramblings on the pasithea powder

I find it hilarious that in one of the Q&As, we learn that the creators really love this one episode of Hannibal where five people are stuck in a house, emotional bombs are dropped, and everyone is immediately in danger of dying--and then in "A Passage," three people are stuck in a spaceship, emotional bombs are dropped, and they're all pretty much in danger of dying (I mean, okay, they're not all bleeding out in a kitchen, but like--Sophie's brain is melting, the government is in pursuit, and Other!Evelyn did get shot, so it's close enough.) It's so cool when you can see pieces of what people love in their own work.

Someone else made a post about this, but learning that at least one of the creators read Animorphs makes so much sense and brings me so much joy. And also that shred of lettuce story reminds me in such a great and terrible way of that sliver of Hork-Bajir flesh in Cassie's teeth in #19.

You know, there could be a world in which these assorted ramblings devolve even further into Animorphs comparisons--for example, Yeerks and Others feeding off memories to create something that's an approximation of how the real person would act but not quite? Or, even closer, the Yeerk parasitism vs. the Eggaran mind-meld in Episode 18 (and even how that parallels Cassie and Aftran in #19, although the stakes are completely different). Or the easy parallels between Jane and Cassie and Sophie and Rachel that stick and fall apart in interesting ways once you examine them too closely--I'm gonna stop now.

Speaking of that famous mind-meld in Episode 18--it felt, in the most loving and thematically appropriate of ways, like such a fanfic trope? Like those pollen fics--you know which ones I'm talking about--except the characters are launched into another sort of intimate understanding of each other. And, you know, it feels like something that would happen to the leads of another show: this whole story has been about Jane and Sophie's struggle to communicate and be vulnerable with and trust each other--so shower them with feelings juice and make them work it out! It's why I was so glad that they didn't do that. Moreau and Jane get the mind meld shortcut; Sophie and Omikron do, too. But Sophie and Jane have to process and grow and communicate with each other all on their own. And it makes it so much more rewarding when they do.

My favorite ending narratively was Episode 11--that tightly-constructed ball of longing and trust and betrayal that makes you go, oh, of course it went like that--but Episode 33 was such a good finale, too. Getting to see them be kids again, essentially, reveling in memories when memory has been the thing that's haunted them for so long. There's peace. They're young. They'll be alright.

"A Passage" will haunt me, I can already feel it. The implications of the Evelyn interacting with Sophie being Jane's Evelyn and thus being not only a representation of what Jane thought Evelyn and Sophie's relationship was but also a fucked-up extension of Jane's own love for Sophie. All of Evelyn's snippiness toward Jane being, on some level, Jane's own self-recrimination. The fact that Jane could give Sophie both orders (to believe her and to leave) and Sophie didn't fly into the sun, and that Jane took the chance of that happening (for Evelyn? in the heat of the moment? because she knew the core of Sophie wouldn't fundamentally conflict with the idea of believing in Jane?) The tangled mess of Sophie wanting to stay with them anyway! God. This show is so good.

[waugh-bao]

3, 11, 18 <3

3. Three films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

Casablanca (1942)

This is one of those movies that was so foundational to subsequent cinema that sometimes people find it a bit trite, but I was lucky enough the first time I saw it to watch it on 35 MM at the Prince Charles Cinema and I think that made all the difference. I’m a sucker for Louis and Rick’s relationship, and I’m also a crazy person with a crush on Claude Rains, so I can watch it again and again for those aspects alone.

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

My absolute favorite Wes Anderson film, it’s funny and dark and disturbing and, in the end, so incredibly touching. I think part of what makes it his best movie, at least for me, is that it has more emotional range and depth than any of the others. I always feel like I find something new every time I watch it, and it’s permanently downloaded to my laptop as my comfort movie for long flights.

8 1/2 (1963)

The first Fellini film I ever saw and still probably my favorite, it’s just pure magic. And I know that it wasn’t nearly as much of a critical success (and frankly it’s not anywhere near as magnificent as 8 1/2), but I also quite like its corollary film, City of Women (1981). Fellini and Mastroianni together is unbeatable.

11. What do you consider to be romance?

When I think about the epitome of romance, I feel like the thing that comes to mind for me is the letters Vladimir Nabokov wrote to his wife, Vera. I’ve read them in Russian and English translation and they’re simply…everything. I guess what stands out to me most as ‘romance’ is how she permeates everything for him and the unique depth of understanding between them. It’s one of the more benign passages, but I feel like this one sentence from a 1937 letter really encapsulates the way a great love/romance can elevate even the most quotidian experiences.

“It's cold today, but in a spring way, and I love you.”

My weird addendum to this is a series of 18th ct letters between two Whig political figures, Hardwicke and Newcastle, that I’ve had to work with for professional reasons and which I think exemplify the romance of friendship. Like I’ve probably wasted a day or two at the British Library looking through correspondence of theirs that has nothing to do with what I need because their letters are just such a pleasure to read. The line that always sticks most firmly in my mind is Newcastle to Hardwicke, trying to comfort him in the wake of the death of his wife, whom both men deeply admired and loved:

“I am, if possible, more than ever yours.”

18. Do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

Not really. Maybe aliens in the scientific sense that there’s a possibility of other intelligent life in this universe, but honestly that scares me way more than it excites me. It sounds weird to say, but I really don’t enjoy space/anything related to it. Something about the vast emptiness, lack of breathable air, etc. makes me inherently panicky.

[rosethornewrites]

NR, E, and M reading since 1/22

Finished

Not Rated:

The lavender handkerchief, by barisan

Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets left a deeper wound on his mind. Lan Qiren finds him having a panic attack after being triggered during his punishment.

Ready, Set, Hop, by mondengel

Lan Wangji competes in his first rabbit agility race.

Explicit:

A Small Price to Pay, by RockingRobin

“You probably want to get up,” Wei Wuxian says, noting the bitterness in his own tone, “and—do things. Be productive and all. It’s, what, after six already. We should be way out of bed and past breakfast.”

Lan Zhan gives him a look. “No,” he decides, and wraps an arm around his waist. “Today is Easy Day. Wei Ying can rest.”

They don't get much rest.

A Little Later On, by KingdomFlameVIII (2nd in a series)

"Wei Ying," he says, like it's a refrain. His warm hands come up to gently take hold of Wei Wuxian by the arms.

"Please, tell me. What happened to you?"

The Future Doesn't Scare Me At All, by KingdomFlameVIII (4th in a series)

"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji said, "Do you intend to keep things this way?"

"Well no," said Wei Wuxian, "I've already had Uncle Four see about making me a better table, but there are other projects we need lumber for yet, you know how it is."

"No," said Lan Wangji, "Do you intend to. To stay here?"

Do you intend to sleep next to the blood pool, he is asking. Do you intend to nurture fierce corpses, to walk footpaths with bones sticking out where roots should be? To live within the hills that eat people?

Wei Wuxian looked at him uncomfortably. "What else can I do? I can't give up these people. There is no wide road for me to walk. The clans have made up their mind. If I am to die, let me do it without regret."

Nothing's Like Before, by KingdomFlameVIII (5th in a series)

Wei Ying turned his eyes to him, and held him there for a long moment. He stared with longing, like he really was about to say goodbye, like he was preparing for a loss, and Lan Wangji had no idea what to make of it.

Then, without preamble, Wei Wuxian said, "Lan Zhan, I'm still in love with you."

Mature:

Changed for the Better, by tigerlilly3224

“T-They have busy lives. It’s hard for them to step away.” Wei Wuxian didn’t usually stutter.

He was tripping over his words. Trying to justify the accusations faster than his mouth can form the sounds. His brain brought up the long prepared list of why the Jiang’s did and always would come first.

Lan Wangji narrowed his gaze. “You lower your own worth for their sake. You told me you wrote wrong answers on assignments so you wouldn't get a better grade than Jiang Cheng. You are your own person Wei Ying and you live as if you take up too much space. I want -“

{aka. college roommates wangxian learn to navigate their lives and heal each other along the way ✨🫶}

Having one soulmate in this life is enough, by secretninjagirl

“Wei Ying, come to bed,” he says. His eyes are still so soft, and his voice is so warm.

“Yes,” Wei Wuxian says, wondering if his voice sounds as unsteady as he feels. He doesn’t know what this means, but he’s powerless to resist his soulmate. He will take whatever Lan Wangji is willing to give him.

------

A "missing scene" of sorts from episode 43 of The Untamed. The pan out over the Jingshi with their song playing felt very much to me like a subtextual sex scene. So I wrote that hypothetical scene.

River Stones, by littlesystems (2 chapters)

“Do you think we’re somehow in a different time?” Wei Wuxian says, feeling absurd for even voicing the words aloud even though it’s the only thing that makes sense. Time travel is one of those things you hear about in stories, in folk tales. No cultivators have ever actually managed time travel. It’s not real.

Unfinished

Not Rated:

you can have the best of me, baby, by stiltonbasket

Twelve hours after Jiang Cheng and the others escape from Mount Muxi, Wei Wuxian risks wading into the lake and discovers that the underwater passage to the stream in the maple wood has been blocked behind the tortoise’s body.

“It’s sleeping right beside the opening,” he whispers, when he and Lan Zhan are safe in a tunnel of rock too narrow for the Xuanwu’s neck and head. “Judging by the current in the water, that passage was the only way out.”

Trapped in the Xuanwu's cave with no means of escape, Lan Wangji suggests a surprising course of action to strengthen himself and Wei Wuxian for battle: dual cultivation.

The session proves successful, but despite their best efforts, Wei Wuxian's golden core yields unexpected consequences for them both.

Enough!, by Jeeny271196

Wei WuXian had enough of them blaming him for everything. Or say Wei WuXian snapped out!

Wei WuXian reacted differently after Lan Xichen blaming him for Lan Wangji's suffering at guangying temple. Which changed lot of things.

Explicit:

Discarded, by teawater

Children in Cloud Recesses are succumbing to a dark curse. There's one person who may be able to help.

Heart of the Beast, by WaitForTheSnitch

“Wei Ying?” Nie Mingjue prompted him gently. “Where are your parents?”

“They went on a night hunt,” Wei Ying said, a bit evasively.

“Your parents are cultivators?” Da-ge asked in surprise. “Did they leave you here while they hunted? When did they go on their night hunt?”

“Four summers ago,” Wei Ying said a bit uncomfortable.

“Four summers ago,” Nie Mingjue repeated. “What are your parents’ names?”

“My mama is Cangse Sanren and my baba is Wei Changze,” Wei Ying told him, and recognition registered in Nie Mingjue’s eyes.

“Wei Ying,” Nie Mingjue said, sounding a bit regretful, “Your parents aren’t coming back.”

Or, Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang run into Wei Ying while in Yiling and decide to bring him home. And it changes everything.

Mature:

Alternate, by Hanashi_o_suru

No one is actually sure what happened, or why it happened. No one died. No one made any whacked up array that backfired --to their knowledge--and no one wasn't necessarily in discontent for where they were in life...

So, why is it they're suddenly in the past to the day they had just got to the Cloud Recesses?

hindsight, by bokuboketto

Sizhui and Jingyi want to clear Wei-qianbei's reputation.

Zizhen wants to witness the famous love story between Hanguang-Jun and the Yiling Patriarch.

Jin Ling just wants his uncles to get the fuck along.

Nie Huaisang wants to atone.. and maybe to be called Huaisang-ge.

Into the Oubliette, by Ruixx

Wei Wuxian never thought being a spouse could be a valid career path. Now married to to the mysterious, quiet Second Jade of Lan he has to learn to navigate through the notoriously strict Gusu Lan clan and make himself home. Unfortunately war looms on the horizon and his enigma of a husband doesn’t seem to have much of a plan other than screwing him senseless. He’s not complaining, really.

[astriiformes]

17, 22, 31, 53?

17 - What is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

"Favorite" is a pretty hefty word and I tend to feel prouder of passages or conversations than I do of individual lines, but several people sent this one which means I'll get to choose a few, and bending the rules to share something a bit longer:

Tears pricked at Legolas’ eyes once again, this time bitterly. Long had he dwelled on this fact, and the on the deep unfairness that his head and heart and very being now all longed to go to a place he had never been, to spend his days amongst people he didn’t know. It was an uncharitable description of Valinor, he supposed, but he was not feeling particularly charitable towards the the things his heart did or did not want these days, since it seemed to have gotten them all irrevocably mixed up. Why could it not want one such as Gimli the way it wanted the West? “Forgive me,” Arwen said, starting another braid, and Legolas found that he thought her speech was littered with a few too many apologies for one who claimed he was not causing her grief, “I think I have let the vestiges of jealousy cloud my understanding of how difficult your own position is. It is very different from my own. To me, Valinor is a broken promise. To you, it is perhaps more an unwanted obligation.”

(From Chapter 5 of "I Breathed a Song Into the Air," my aroace Legolas fic that I swear is still just on hiatus, even after all this time)

22 - Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

Oh god. I don't know if I have a process. I tend to tackle various stories pretty differently. I've always had more luck finishing stories where I know the whole arc of them though, preferably down to a vague chapter count although it still tends to shift as I write. Nailing down things like whose POV makes sense for specific scenes or chapters helps me get the most out of them, and sometimes gives me new ideas. And I like being able to toss in foreshadowing or some additional thematic resonance if I know where things are at least headed, even if I don't know every detail.

I'm super inconsistent about drafts, too. Ideally I'd like to have a rough and final, but often I just edit the rough draft directly, some even as I write, which does lead to some stumbling over myself.

31 - Tell us about a character who’s an absolute joy to write

I love writing Eda -- she's so much fun and has a really distinct voice, and it's a shame she's featured in only a couple of my Owl House stories. One of many reasons I need to get to writing my Sherlock Holmes pastiche with her in the detective role properly now that the show has ended and isn't feeding me so many different plot tangents to follow instead.

53 - When writing, do you have an outline? And do you stick to it?

Sort of answered this above, but I try to, and I try less to, respectively. Having an outline is super useful but good things happen when I don't let myself get totally boxed in by them -- I tend to add/move/cut scenes and chapters pretty liberally and I think my writing is stronger for it. Outlines help, but in NaNoWriMo vocab, I'm very much a plantser.

[hopetorun]

7, 10, 15, 18 please!

7. answered

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

a lot of writing sticks with me tbh! obviously i have now forgotten all of it due to being asked* but a few things that tend to leave me thinking about something constantly for days: a wrenching bittersweet ending where the protagonist is stuck with only imperfect choices, a scene where it’s so so clear what the non-pov character is going through and the pov character is totally missing it, really good metaphors especially ones involving bodies, great closing lines.

i consider something to be haunting me when i can’t get it out of my head! but i don’t really feel that way about my own stories because that’s so different. i cannot articulate it but it is.

*see previous response to this meme with a note about how i should be better at keeping track of snippets that stick with me

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

i wish i was a person who wrote in the margins but i very much am not, mostly because i get too distracted reading to take notes. i do sometimes scribble stuff in my notes app for book club books so i don’t forget my thoughts but not always. i don’t dog ear pages but i do read in the bath and i also read while eating and stain my books with food. i therefore cannot judge people who deface books in other ways, and would not want to. books are meant to be read and loved and used. my cheeto-fingerprinted copy of little women and my baby blanket that i slept with until it was literally just scraps of thread and the handmade quilt my uncle had on his bed until he died that was worn to bits are the same, actually. we are meant to use these things and love them and that’s its own way of treasuring a thing. if any one person wants to treasure their books by keeping them pristine that’s fine but i treasure mine by loving them to pieces and having to buy a whole new copy to love to pieces again. and covering them in cheese dust fingerprints

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

from home by now:

It works for Matthew, and it’s the most comfortable he’s felt around Draisaitl in literally years. Maybe since they collapsed from the shower onto a hotel bed in Edmonton during the playoff bubble, wrung out and relaxed and extremely pleased with themselves.

“I thought that was going to be hot when you suggested but I didn’t realize how hot it would be,” Matthew said in that hotel room. Leon dropped a hand heavily on his ass, patting him twice and then letting it rest there.

“We’re going to be out soon,” he said. Matthew couldn’t argue with him; the Oilers had been thoroughly outclassed in their first three games, and he didn’t think they were going to pull off a reverse sweep. “We can maybe win one but I doubt more than that will happen.”

Matthew nodded. “Sorry,” he said.

“You’re not,” Leon said, but he laughed roughly.

“Not very.” Matthew shrugged. “I’ll miss this.” He regretted saying it as soon as the words left his mouth, but Leon seemed unfazed. If anything, he smiled faintly.

“Won’t miss having to sneak around whenever I want to do anything but watch TV in my room.”

There wasn’t a good answer to that; Matthew was willing to put up with it for hockey, but Leon was about to be on a plane back home. He shrugged, and a silence fell around them that felt heavy. Leon’s hand was still resting on his ass.

They were in Leon’s hotel. Matthew needed to leave soon, if he was going to be able to sneak back in and get enough sleep. It felt like breaking the moment would break something important.

Matthew did it anyway. He rolled himself out of the bed, patted Leon on the shoulder a couple of times and grabbed a towel from the bathroom to throw at him.

“I’ll see you around, yeah?” he said before he opened the door. Leon grunted, and the noise was almost like one he made on the ice sometimes. Made it easier for Matthew to slip him back into the Draisaitl box, smirking at him from across the ice, looking terrible in orange.

In the present, he’s still Draisaitl, but somehow more comfortable than a few weeks ago. His shoulders are relaxed, which is probably the alcohol, and he’s not walking like he wants to leave Matthew in the dust.

Matthew didn’t think—well, he isn’t sure what he thought, anymore. He thought Draisaitl hated him, and then he thought Draisaitl liked him, and then everything got muddled for a while, with the playoffs and then Matthew’s concussion making everything worse and hazier. At the end of it he thought Draisaitl hated him, but differently than the first time. It felt like—like something changed. Like there was a different thread underlying the way that Draisaitl shoved him and whispered insults and generally refused to look at Matthew at all off the ice after everything that happened.

Above them, the moon is still high in the sky. It’s almost full, a sliver missing off the perfect circle.

“Full moon soon,” Matthew says, because he doesn’t like the silence.

thank you for your submission and for not making me pick 😂😂 excited to get to talk a bit about the sex scene flashbacks, some of the first bits of this story i wrote! i had all these scraps of them tucked at the bottom of my google doc waiting for the right place to fit into the story. early on in the writing process i did a bunch of sketching out timelines of the bubble playoffs and how many days they were both in edmonton and how many times i realistically thought they might have hooked up. it was not many at all, btw. but i stuck to it.

the line about the concussion was a fairly late add, because my trusty alpha and beta readers did tell me i needed to seed it better. it still has that like, oh you weren’t here all along feeling to me! even though i know that’s not how it works for readers.

i didn’t look up whether there’ll be a full moon around the right time in the summer of 2026 for this scene. which is weird for me because i normally look that kind of thing up (huge shoutout to my best friend time and date dot com) but i wanted the moon to be almost full so it is. why do i always look this kind of thing up? well i like to be accurate or at least plausible in descriptions of weather and seasonal changes and when it’s dark outside but also i once read a book where the sun came up before 7 am in scotland in late december and i shrieked aloud.

[the-broken-pen]

“Wait—you’re the bridge troll?”

The little girl fiddled with the ends of her dress, lace curling over her fingers. Her hair fell in perfect ringlets, tied with a pretty bow. The darkness turned her hair to the deepest of blacks.

She smiled, all innocence.

“Yes. I could be something more scary, if that would help?”

Seraphina blinked.

“What?”

The smile took on an edge sharper than blades. Seraphina was afraid she might reveal a second row of teeth—she hated fae, especially the ones with too many teeth to count.

“I can be anything,” the little girl stated simply, and then she rose, twisting, bones cracking, until a cloud of darkness encompassed the bridge. When she spoke again, her voice echoed with the promise of pain and the sound of thousands pleading for help. “Is this form better?”

Seraphina choked on her own tongue, spine twinging as she grabbed for her dagger.

“No, no it was fine—“

“Or maybe,” came a voice she had long since laid to rest, “you’d prefer this?”

And then the bridge troll was wearing the face of her dead lover. Seraphina forgot to breathe for a moment, caught on the edge of tears. It was a blister that hurt, it was sticking your hand into the fire, it was breaking all your ribs. Seeing that face—even if the expression was all wrong, like spelling someone’s name with a different letter—hurt.

If Seraphina couldn’t feel her own breathing, she’d assume she was dead.

“Take off their face,” she said after a long moment, and the bridge troll obliged.

“Better?” The little girl said, and Seraphina nodded mutely. “Now, for prices. Most people give up one of their favorite memories, or maybe the voice of a loved one—“

“How much,” Seraphina began, clearing her throat. She eyes the coursing river below. “How much would all of the memories of a loved one be worth.”

The little girl paused, mouth open.

“I’m sorry?”

“How much would it be worth. How many passages across the bridge would all of my memories about someone be worth.”

The little girl blinked, then drew herself up, as if she had surprised even herself in her lack of calm.

“It would pay off years worth of passages.”

Seraphina nodded.

Below, the river thrummed with empty promises.

She had loved them, and they had died. They were supposed to both make it out. And now, here Seraphina was, alone but for a bridge toll, on a bridge in the middle of nowhere.

Well. Not nowhere. She was in that place her lover had always wanted to go.

She figured maybe if she went, her lover would feel it, wherever their soul was.

Now, though, her love simply felt like an arrow between her ribs.

“I’ll pay it.”

The little girl paused again.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do. Take it. Pay off as much as you can so nobody who passes through needs to worry.”

The little girl fell silent. If she had any emotions, Seraphina hoped she would understand the enormity of the sacrifice.

Really, though, it was just a selfish need for the pain to stop.

“Alright,” the little girl said. “Give me your hand.”

Seraphina obliged. Her hand was warm in a way she hadn’t expected, and soft.

“Whose face are you wearing?” Seraphina whispered.

“Whose soul are you releasing,” the girl said back.

Seraphina looked once more at the river.

“The love of my life.”

As soon as she said it, as soon as she thought of his face, it was snatched from her mind.

No pain.

Just a neatly cut hole where something should be.

In front of her, a little girl held her hand.

She frowned, puzzled. She rubbed her eyes.

“What are you—“ when she opened them, she blinked again. The most handsome man she had ever seen was holding her hand, smiling roguishly.

“You took a bit of a fall. Are you feeling okay?” His voice sounded like home, and his face looked like it, like warm summer breezes and laughter at the hearth. For a second, something throbbed in side of her, a quiet I remember, before it whisped away.

“Yeah,” she said when she realized she had simply been staring at his face. “Yeah, sorry, i’m fine.”

His smile broadened.

“My name is Edrian, by the way.”

She blinked once more.

“Seraphina.”

The edges of his smile softened.

‘Seraphina’ he mouthed, as if testing it out.

“Can I buy you something to eat?”

Her hand was still in his. For some reason, she didn’t want to let go.

She studied his face, and was filled with such love, such longing, that she almost choked.

She felt like she had loved him for years.

“Sure.”

Edrian squeezed her hand, gently, then murmured her name once more, tugging her gently into town.

Behind them, the bridge was abandoned, and tucked between their clasped hands and traded memories, stolen love bloomed.

[pagegirlintraining]

Heyyy,

3, 5,6,7,12,17,18,27,28,29 and 30 for the ao3 wrapped ask game 💜 (i know i picked a lot of numbers so feel free to choose which ones to answer)

Hey :)

I love that you picked lots of numbers, you‘re basically giving me the privilege of picking my own favorites😁 I‘ll stick to five of them for now:

12. How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year?

There are 5 that I‘ve already worked on to various, widely differing degrees, plus 1 that I‘ve been planning on and off for months but haven’t actually written anything down for yet. Guess you could say it’s a 5+1 situation 😂

17. Your favorite character to write this year

I‘ll always love writing Wille‘s inner monologues because they come so naturally to me. All I have to do is just dial up my own inner monologue by one or two levels. But also Sara for the exact opposite reason (see number 18).

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year

Sara. I‘ve had a hard time understanding some of her decisions in both seasons, and I think it’s because contrary to her, I‘m a huge people pleaser. That’s not to say that Sara doesn’t want people to like her. Her actions just don’t exactly express that a lot of the time. It doesn’t seem to be a major motivation behind them. So it’s definitely a challenge writing a character and their decisions when I can’t draw from my own main motivation to understand why they do what they do. But that’s what makes it so rewarding when I do find that line that feels exactly “Sara”.

27. What do you listen to while writing?

It varies a lot. If it’s a description heavy scene, I can’t listen to music at all. because it’s too distracting. For dialogue heavy parts I’ll put on my summer (all year really) playlist. It’s familiar and helps keep my thoughts light and “flowy”, especially during emotionally charged scenes. When I write a dance scene I’ll loop the song literally the entire. time. And finally, I’ve recently figured out that 80s love ballads work really well for writing intimacy. Or at least they do for me :D it gives me the courage to be just a little cheesy, which, let’s be honest, is just a part of being in love.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year

It’s impossible to choose one without feeling like I’ve probably forgotten about an even better one 😅 I’ve attempted to narrow it down to two, although I’ll probably wake up in the middle of the night now going “Nooo why didn’t I say this one?”

For contender number one we have this line from Copy and Pasta:

“I, uh— I forgot to say the nude part, didn’t I?”

Contender number two is a longer passage from The Time Of My Life:

“I know, Wille,” he told him through a sigh of his own. “I know this is stupid and completely reckless. But I’ve tried this entire time to stop thinking about you, and still here I am.”

“Here you are,” Wille repeated, the movement of his lips a soft tickle against the tip of Simon’s finger. And although there were probably a hundred more important things to say, the only thing that felt right to Simon in this moment was, “Dance with me.”

Well, this has gotten quite long. Thanks so much for giving me the chance to talk about all of these things 💜💜💜

[anu-t]

I used watercolor, pencil, colored pencils, and pens in my drawing. I first outlined with pencil and thought of my biggest aspirations such as becoming a doctor and having enough money to buy a car/a bunch of clothes but I also thought how what big society right now which is social media. I also really like the winter so I including a painting on the wall of the room with a drawing of snow falling. I also love sunsets a lot so another drawing on the wall is of the sunsetting in the beach. As I was finishing I realized how I love using color to create an even bigger juxtaposition of what is there in that room versus the items specifically being depicted in the still-life. The paintings in the background show the different seasons and the containers such as the bowl holding the money/water dispenser with social media are in pencil. I come to realize how our passions, goals, and technology such as social media are what bring color and light to our lives by giving a deeper meaning and connecting our surroundings. I morphed a person into my drawing of a stethoscope to represent how my passion for becoming a doctor grew further this year and it connects really well because a big part of this profession is working with people. I animated the car with a squiggly line design because the main purpose of them is motion so I thought it was the most fitting to make it stick out more and give it more movement. I also added a collage element with cut outs that represent a big part of my 2023 which are dance, fashion and eating a lot of cup noodles as a college student.

Attendance: "It was Shakespeare who cemented the relationship between green and envy. With The Merchant of Venice, written in the late 1590s, he gave us “green-eyed jealousy”; in Othello (1603), he has Iago mention “the green-ey’d monster, which doth mock / The meat it feeds on.” Prior to this, during the Middle Ages, when each deadly sin had a corresponding color, green had been twinned with avarice and yellow with envy.1 Both human failings were the guiding principles in a recent saga concerning a vast green stone, the Bahia emerald." (The Secret Lives of Color, pg 207)

This passage discusses how a writer was able to create an association between a color and a emotion. I found it very interesting by how in the nineteenth century the way shakespeare depicted the color green was why people assoicate this color with envy. Its fascinating to see the power of description and words to push people to imagine a certain color when they read The Merchant of Venice.

[aman-acan-andacityplan]

Uzumaki: ANOTHER Review

Ok, so I watched the new Adult Swim series Uzumaki and I thought I'd share a few thoughts before the show sinks into the swamp of mass culture never to be mentioned again. Reviews of the show are pretty bad and a number of people have mentioned the noticeable dip in quality from Episode 1 to Episodes 2-4.

So, what do I think of the show? Overall, I would say it was mediocre. I'll be in the minority and say I generally liked episode 4. When the spiral curse starts remaking the whole town, I quite liked the imagery as well as the introduction of an unfortunate outsider into the mix. It also helps that the surreal imagery doesn't really require lots of fluid animation to hold your interest and I think this episode could have served as a satisfactory conclusion were it not for garbage in the middle.

Episodes 2 and 3 kill the show. The dip in animation is most noticeable here and the pacing is dull and uninspired. The show moves from horror setpiece to horror setpiece with little in the way of connective tissue. I found myself giggling a few times at how over the top it all became, which is not something you want in your horror show. The show could really have benefited from 2-4 more episodes to pace the horror thrills out some more. Some passage of time after the end of episode 1 and the smoke spiral would have benefited the story. Have a little falling action in your show and a return to normalcy before all hell breaks loose.

One reason I also wanted to talk about the show is I wonder if the Uzumaki is a victim of the current streaming climate. The show is available to stream under Max, which is the service Adult Swim's banner flies under. Adult Swim is still a distinct brand and identity with a loyal viewership and loads of nostalgia attached to it. What it hasn't been though is a purveyor of "prestige television". Adult Swim's original programming is done quick, cheap and played mainly for laughs, none of which applies to Uzumaki.

So much of the streaming world represents a weird marriage between streaming platforms, dying cable networks, the brands of the dying cable networks and individual show runners. This creates one more middle-man in the creative process. Is the show's quality the fault of the creators, Adult Swim or David Zaslav and Warner Brothers Discovery?

In addition to further complexity in the creative process, streaming also serves to up the stakes for new programming. Every streaming service wants a compelling piece of original programming. Of course, that puts immense pressure on creative teams and from an audience perspective I think it can lead to burnout. Should I subscribe to a service for one or two pieces of quality, original programming or stick with the mundane and familiar? I frequently find myself embracing the latter.

Though cable deserved to die, I think the general user experience is still sound. As a young kid in the 90's, I loved watching the Sci-Fi Channel, as I was excited to watch a channel devoted exclusively to the genre I loved. Would a show like Uzumaki have fared better on a horror service like Shudder, where it was one program offering among many? I think so. Though I'd hate to see Adult Swim go, the media ecosystem that gave birth to it is now dead. Its time for the streaming services to completely take the reins and do some major consolidation. Let the media brands fade into the background once more and have streaming services focused around basic genres such as Comedy, Drama and Horror.

In summary, had Uzumaki been some straight to VHS production made in Japan in the early to mid 90's it could have been seen as a cult classic, an odd curiosity from a radically different media environment. As high-brow horror though, it is a complete failure and will quickly slip off the cultural radar, if it hasn't already.

[pinestripe37]

1, 5, 6, 7, 12, 14, 21, 23, 26, 27, and 36! (this is a TON of questions so don’t feel pressured to answer all of them XD you can pick & choose if you’d like!)

Yayy I am so excited!!

Do you have freckles?

Teeny tiny bit, not really noticeable I don't think.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

Yes! I have my favorite Lucy in bed next to me lately and it's nice because she's my special soft kitty from when I was a toddler :)

I am ALSO GETTING A STUFFED MISTPAW FOR MY BIRTHDAY! :D

Do you prefer drawing or writing?

I actually don't know! :0 Because I really really enjoy both! And I'm certainly so blessed to be able to express my feelings through both! I'd say it varies based on the time. Which is also nice because I can just switch back and forth between both whenever I don't have inspiration for one. It's so wonderful that God gives us multiple gifts, and lets us serve Him in such different ways! :'D I've been writing a quite a bit lately but I have been starting to think of some art ideas so perhaps I'll be drawing shortly!

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with?

Two! One to cover myself with and one next to me in case I get cold. DEFINITELY NOT ZERO ZERO IS THE LEAST IDEAL NUMBER- I have so much trouble sleeping when it's hot because it feels weird to not cover myself with a blanket.

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now?

~ you of coursee <33 I love you friend :')

~ My irl friend who has been so wonderful to me, it's still hard to believe that I'm appreciated, y'know?

~ ahfhijkjh allll my friends really, aaahh I love my friendss :')

~ a person I've been wanting to be friends with for many years and still pray for and will forever pray for. I have faith that if it's in God's Plan someday we will meet again and someday we will be friends and someday we will hug.

~Jesus, definitely, my Lord and Shepherd and Savior and First Love. Being with Him forever in His Presence is the best and safest Place always and He's the One who Saved me and died for me and loves me most. <3

What’s your favorite color?

Mint green and/or teal! :D But really I actually find all colors beautiful, all the colors God painted His creation in are beautiful!

How was your day today?

Pretty good. :) Pretty tiring and I'm probably gonna nap soon lol. Tiring but also blessed and peaceful day, so I'm grateful for that! :')

Do you believe in aliens?

I just stick with the answer of... Only God really knows so knowing that only He knows is enough for me. Leaning not on my own understanding is the way to go with anything I don't know for sure.

What are some seemingly childish things you like?

A bunchh! :D Stuffed animals, playing with toys, a bunch of shows including Peep and the Big Wide World and Odd Squad, picture books (my mom and I both), I feel like probably a bunch of other stuff.

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times?

My favorite favorite Book is forever the Bible. I mean, it's God's Word and I can talk to Him and hear from Him, and He's blessed me with such amazing incredible moments in Scripture with the Guidance of the Holy Spirit, and taught me so much, and I can literally read it forever and still be amazed with a new insight from the Holy Spirit each time even after reading a passage over and over because the Word is Living and God continues to teach us through it. Such a wonderful blessing indeed!! :'D

My favorite fiction book would be.. maybe Little Women, or The Vanderbeekers of of 141st street (by Karina Yan Glaser) it's suchh a sweet series :') Ooh, and the Wingfeather Saga! Still gotta finish reading but I'm enjoying those books so much!

Do you like your middle name?

Yes! I've actually had a very interesting and lovely conversation with my friend about name meanings, recently-ish, and we figured out interpretations of my middle + first name meanings that fit my life and come from a Christian perspective, so that was fun! :D

Eeeee thank you for sending an ask, my dear friend!! :D <3

[call-sign-shark]

Brummie!! I've been so late I'm so sorry. I had to deal with a lot and I didn't want to only skim and quickly comment on the longest stories of my friends because they deserve a proper analysis of their works. In truth, I was so excited about this new story of yours that waiting was torture. My apologies if this comment is a succession of quotes live-commented by me but ... FUCK IM ALREADY OBSESSED.

Wow Reader's mom is really... Harsh with her? I must say that the way you chose to open the story with showing the difficult relationship between YN and her mother is such an interesting introduction to this new story. I particularly love the detail "Her normal vocabulary filled with a plethora of her favourite profanities not once leaving her lips", contrasting her kind of "brutal" behavior with what she wants to show to other people. Also, the bratty and unruly nature you gave to Y/N is INCREDIBLE. Not only it is a stark contrast with the protagonist of Killing Me Softy, hence showing it's a whole different story with a whole different mood, but it already got me hooked. This one is gonna create trouble teehee, as she has proved to us in the church scene. Honestly, I cackled at the whole passage when her mother dragged her by the arms after she taunted the priest, while Arthur and Tommy were laughing LMAO.

Another aspect of this new work I loved to death was the adorable and fun banter you created between young Arthur and Tommy. This is so endearing to see them like this, Tommy embarrassed because "Y/N is not my girlfriend" and Polly trying to keep them in line... It definitely warmed my heart. On a similar topic, the sweet and hilarious relationship between young Tommy and Y/N is made me melt. I love how she is quick-witted. That excerpt "Think your Aunt needs to shorten those" you laughed as you nodded to the ends of his trousers bunched up around his boots." got me laughing so much. It's so unusual to imagine that innocent and young Tommy, so full of happiness and emotions... I adore this image of him, with his trousers too large for him because they are Arthur's. 🥹 the lanky git, I died. And now... I know this is a Tommy x Reader work but COME ON ARTHUR YOU ADORABLE STUPID THING. Stealing the candelabras thinking it was gold only to find out it's just copper??? This is so Arthur-coded I swear. My sweet idiot.

When I thought it couldn't be funnier and cuter, you added a little John poking his bro's knee with a stick?? Oh my heart can't handle it. You describe sibling relationships so well it makes me wonder if you have siblings too... Despite this adorable cameo, I feel like the plan of this trio is going to fail miserably. I can't help being scared for them tbh. 🤣 But despite the banter and the stupid idea of stealing something, I adored the small mention of Tommy and Y/N melting for each other, like Tom never getting tired of the way her features change when she laughs.

Now the thievery... "Your eyes at him knowing anything the eldest Shelby said was not to be trusted and far from the actual truth." I'M CHOKING, this is so true. Teen Arthur 'trust me it's safe' Shelby Jr. 🤣 He's so stupid I swear, he is, it's not even the good map. 🤦🏼‍♀️ And sweet talking Y/N by referring to Tommy's birthday... Run YN, Run, it isn't a smart idea lmao! Also... I KNEW THE DOG WOULD BARK. Now we know why Tommy ended up being the boss of the Peaky Blinders "Fucking traitor! After all the food I gave you" Arthur shouted as you all ran down the hall, making your way up to the second level." OMGGG I CAN'T BREATHE ANYMORE. HE GAVE THE DOG SPROUTS. 🤣🤣

On a quieter note, Tommy and YN pressed together while they hide is such a sweet idea. Your drawing is immaculate, honey, a real treasure. I'm impressed at the way you manage to build the tension between them. I was rooting for Tommy so bad, waiting for him to find the courage to make the first move so... The unexpected kiss made me literally squeal in front of my computer!! Things got heated in there teehee but at the same time, it still remains super lovely. Two young lovers discovering love together -- I'm tearing. Oh, and it's impossible not to mention this line "Oh and you're not? You really think I believed that ridiculous story you told us all last summer about how you gave Irene five orgasms in ten minutes" TOMMY. 🤣 "Hey! Nobody gets to call her a whore but us" Thanks Arthur I guess? LMAO. So protective, it's adorable. Your portrayal of teen Arthur is making me SWOON. It feels so in-character, so canon, I can't.

Back to our two young lovebirds... The whole bed scene with each other pressed against each other, the gift she gives him after hours of work, the little promise... Brummie, it was such a beautiful and heartwarming moment. In fact, you're once again showing your sadism to us since most of this chapter was lighthearted and, then, you brutally shove us ten years later with a cold Tommy. Clever move, but very mean too -- I love it. The stark difference between this scene and Y/N crying as she watches Tommy and Grace pressed together... Aouch my little heart.

Also, the parallel with the birthday wishes!! The line "But yet you still held on, hopelessly devoted to the man who promised to hold you in his arms every night" refers to the title... Brummie!! Can't you stop being such a talented writer? Honestly, this is an AMAZING first chapter for your new series. I'm already hooked and I need chapter 2, please!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤

MASTERLIST

Hopelessly Devoted (PART ONE)

Summary: A flashback to when you and Tommy were young, carefree and smitten with one another plays out in your head as you sit alone in the Garrison, watching him now in the arms of another woman whilst you desperately hold onto the love you still have for him. Does Tommy share the same sentiments or has his bitterness towards you stained the love he claims he no long has for you?

Warnings: Language, angst, fluff, mutual pining

Authors note: Inspired by the song "Hopelessly Devoted" by Olivia Newton-John. RIP sweet angel.

"We're bloody late again!" your mother muttered under her breath as she hurried up the church steps holding onto her hat from the bitter January wind whilst you are your little brother George, lovingly known as Georgie walked behind her. "Ten minutes until we leave I said" she huffed turning around, scowling at you as you rolled your eyes in response. "Ten minutes! In the time it took for you to put your dress on I had swept the porch and gotten your brother ready. Why did you give me such an unruly child?" she said looking up to the heavens expecting some sort of response. "Out all hours gallivanting about with those Shelby boys, never listening to a word I say. I'm being punished aren't I, for the sins of her father...the bloody fool he was, drinking himself to an early grave, leaving me here to fend for myself with two kids..." she carried on as you held your little brothers hand, a small sigh leaving his mouth as he looked up at you, shaking his head at your mother's relentless rambling. " Y/N let me look at you. Bloody hell child, you look a state!" she frowned as she turned to face you at the top of the steps.

"Can you just stop" you said trying to move her hands away as she pushed your hair back behind your ears, pinching your cheeks to give them a rosy glow. "Look at your dress..." she huffed as she straightened the bottom out, pulling at the frilly pink fabric whilst your little brother reached up to open the church door. "Stay still!" she said as you started fidgeting away from her hands, her overbearing mothering making you feel like you was eight years old again.

" For god's sake I'm not a kid!" you replied rather loudly when the doors fully opened and everyone in their seats turned around to look at the commotion. "Shit" you mumbled under your breath as you looked to the sea of eyes now staring back at you, the loud bang of the church door slamming against the brick wall startling you as your little brother giggled in amusement.

" Bloody Walk Y/N" your mother said through gritted teeth behind you as she took her and George's hat off. Smiling graciously left to right at the people seated along the outer rows your mother politely mouthed small hellos and good mornings as all three of you made your way down the aisle, her normal vocabulary filled with a plethora of her favourite profanities not once leaving her lips. Turning your head you quickly spotted Tommy sitting next to his family with a huge grin on his face, loving every second of the embarrassment he knew you was enduring. As the sound of your heels on the stone floor echoed loudly through the church, your entrance now the focus point of everyone's attention, you finally reached the alter with the Reverend stood beside it. You could almost feel the laughter Tommy and Arthur were holding back as your mother pushed you forward to bow. With a grunt leaving your throat you lowered your head, a small mischievous glint in your eye at the sudden, yet stupid idea to prove to your mother how unruly of a child you really was.

" Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been mere hours since I last pissed my mother off..." You said dramatically as your mother's eyes widened in embarrassment a gasp leaving her mouth as she grabbed you by the arm and span you back around, all while apologising profusely to the Priest now shaking his head at her. Oh the shame, the humiliation, she would never live this down. The gossip she would have to endure for months in the women's wash house was a fair consolation for her making you wear this god awful dress you proudly thought to yourself as you walked to find a seat. Sighing the Reverend lowered his eye as he turned the page of his sermon, longing to be appointed somewhere, anywhere out of Small Heath. No number of hail Mary's could save this sinful town. As you walked down the aisle the sudden sound of Tommy and Arthur laughing had you biting your inner cheek holding back your own amusement as you watched Polly snap her head in their direction.

" Shut up" Polly whispered as she reached over hitting each of them in the chest. "Bloody kids" she mouthed sympathetically to your mother as you all walked by.

" Girlfriend finally made it" Arthur whispered in Tommy's ear, knowing full well how smitten he was with you.

" Shes not my girlfriend, shut it" he muttered under his breath as you sent him a small wave which he quickly returned.

" Hi ya" Arthur laughed mocking him.

" Fuck off Arthur" Tommy replied as he elbowed him in the ribs leaving him wincing in pain.

" I'll let you have that one baby brother" he laughed rubbing his side.

" No fucking swearing in church!" Polly said quietly through gritted teeth as she hit the back of Tommy's head. It was always an eventful service when the Shelby's attended, which made you wonder what they had done to have their Aunt force them this time.

Walking out into the fresh air, free from the stuffy confines of the church you pushed back your hair behind your shoulders folding your arms as you faced the sun. Closing your eyes you sighed as the rays of light beamed onto your skin. With summer still a long way off you was enjoying the rare event in which the sun broke through the smoke filled skies of Small Heath. That was until you felt the warmth disappear and a large shadow take it's place. Opening your eyes you was met with Tommy Shelby standing right in front of you, a cigarette precariously hanging on the corner of his mouth, grinning from ear to ear.

" Get out the way you're blocking the sun" you said as you pushed him to the side closing your eyes again.

" Hmm, you are looking rather pasty"

" Thanks Thomas, you really know how to compliment a lady" you said taking the cigarette out his mouth as you walked over to sit on the brick wall just outside the church.

"Lady?" Tommy laughed as he sent you a cheeky smile." Nice dress by the way. You look like a flower girl"

" Shut up" you said playfully hitting his arm in response, hating everything about the overly embroidered puffy dress you were begrudgingly wearing. " Have you seen yourself?" you smirked looking down at his outfit "Think your Aunt needs to shorten those" you laughed as you nodded to the ends of his trousers bunched up around his boots.

" They're Arthur's hand-me-downs, the lanky git" he said kicking a stone on the ground that you both watched roll into the road.

" So what did you do this time to end up here on a Sunday morning?" You asked as you turned your head to face him.

" Aunt Pol found out Arthur stole one of the candelabras from the Reverends study. Convinced himself it was solid gold, you should have seen his face when we melted it down in Charlie's yard and it was copper" Tommy laughed as he looked back at you. " Polly was furious said he had sinned enough for the whole house and we were all damned to hell if we didn't come today" he explained further as his eyes lingered on your face, watching the way your nose scrunched up as you laughed, a sight he never got tired of. " So you coming later?" he asked leaning into you as he took his cigarette now stained with pink lipstick back from between your fingers, not that he minded.

" No absolutely not. Do you not remember the last time we followed one of Arthur's genius ideas?" you answered folding your arms having already made your mind up.

" He's got a map this time. Come on it will be fun" he said nudging his arm against yours.

" A map to what?"

" To where this rich fuck has all his liquor stored"

"Can I come?" John said running up to you both after overhearing the conversation, poking his brothers knee with a stick in attempt to get his attention which Tommy quickly put a stop to by giving him a kick in the shin.

" No, fuck off " Tommy said pushing him away from in front of him as John stormed off crying in search of his Aunt. " So how about it? "

" Fine, but only because it's your birthday tomorrow" you said giving in as you both smiled to eachother. "But this better be fool proof. I can't risk getting in trouble with my mum again, she's a few breaths away from kicking me out"

" That's alright, you can come live with me" he said winking to you as you looked up at him through your lashes, blushing a darker shade of pink than your dress." We'll come by to get you at eleven, don't be late ok? "

" I'm never late" you responded as Tommy rolled his eyes flicking his cigarette onto the ground. If there was one thing he had learnt over the years it was that you was always late.

" Thomas Michael Shelby! " Polly shouted as she stormed over to you both, dragging John with her by the arm.

"Shit. Right I'm off" Tommy said quickly pecking your cheek as he jumped over the wall running away from his Aunt. Bringing your hand up to your face you pressed your fingers to your skin, a smile dancing on your lips as you turned around to watch Tommy run into the back alleys of Small Heath, fleeing from the fury coming his way. Thomas Michael Shelby your best friend, your partner in crime and also the boy you had been head over heels for as long as you could remember. What a sorry story your limited love life had already been, endlessly pining for a boy you had convinced yourself only saw you as a friend, desperately hoping he felt the same.

It was just after noon when you Tommy and Arthur made your way over the wooden fencing onto the large mansions land. Having never once left the city limits in all of your eighteen years of life you was taken aback by the sheer size of the house in front of you. Surrounded by luscious green grass, rows of trees adorning its drive way, you was sure it was something only seen in films, a far cry from the mud and dirt of Small Heath.

" Give me the map" Tommy said as Arthur handed it to him whilst he looked over the brick wall separating you and the owner who was outside sitting in a garden chair.

"Arthur he has a dog. A mean looking thing" you said as Tommy stood beside you squinting at the map in his hand.

"Yeh well, he would have still been out with that dog hunting, but you were late" Tommy interjected with a smile on his face, having been right about your constant tardiness.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist Y/N, I've been coming here every day for the past week feeding him leftovers, he likes me. He won't make a peep " Arthur said trying to reassure you as you rolled your eyes at him knowing anything the eldest Shelby said was not to be trusted and far from the actual truth.

" Jesus Christ Arthur" Tommy said throwing the map at his brothers chest. " This is a fucking map for a house in London!"

" Ay?" Arthur said as he straightened it out in front of him. " Where's it say that? " he asked as Tommy snatched it back from him pointing at the words "London" written right underneath the name of the house.

" Well how was I supposed to bloody know. They should have put it at the very top"

" It's in fucking capitals Arthur, how can you not..."

" Right I'm going home" you said as the two brothers continued to argue. As always Arthur's ideas were never properly thought out, often getting you in trouble more than anything else.

" Wait Y/N no, come on stay" Tommy said as he looked back to his older brother widening his eyes in gesture to help him convince you not to leave.

" Y/N " Arthur said as he put his arm around your shoulder. " We're at the back entrance. He probably keeps it down in the basement, it won't be far. You're the only one small enough to shimmy through the window to open the lock on the other side. Come on, dont let us down, it's Tom's birthday tomorrow. "

" Fine. But if I put another ladder in my stockings you're paying for a new pair" you said pointing to him as Arthur placed a wooden crate below the window for you to stand on.

"Atta girl" Arthur said as he turned his head around winking to Tommy as you climbed through the window, quickly making in through to the other side. Pushing past his brother, Tommy went to open the door when the dog Arthur promised wouldn't bark suddenly started to do exactly that.

" Hey! Who's there?" the owner said as you all ran into the house. " Get 'em boy" he shouted as his dog came charging round the corner into the building.

" Fucking traitor! After all the food I gave you" Arthur shouted as you all ran down the hall, making your way up to the second level.

" What did you feed him with?" you asked breathlessly as you ran beside them, Tommy's hand resting on your back making sure you didn't get left behind.

"Sprouts"

"Sprouts!" You and Tommy both shouted looking back at him.

" It's all we had"

" No wonder he bloody hates you" Tommy said as all three of you came to a stop behind a wall waiting for a maid to walk by.

" Sniff them out" the owner said as you heard the sound of the dogs nails clicking on the wooden floorboards, getting closer by the second.

" Shiiit, run! Hide! Arthur giggled as you legged it down one of the second floor corridors, Tommy quickly pulling you into a small storage room to the side as Arthur continued to run down the hall. Breathless, you both looked up at eachother as a fit of laughs left your lips. Bringing his finger up to his mouth Tommy gestured for you to be quiet as the sound of the owner walking along the corridor quickly brought your giggles to a stop. Taking in your surroundings you suddenly realised how close you were to eachother. Cardboard boxes were stacked as high as the ceiling all around you, there was barely enough space for one person let alone two.

" Is he gone?" you whispered to which Tommy nodded, his eyes looking over you as he too started to realise how close you were to one another." You're taking all the space" you said trying to free yourself from the uncomfortable position you was in.

" Y/N my backs pushed up against the door. I don't have any more room to move" he said as you huffed in response moving your arm that was stuck between you to the side. Silence fell upon the small room as you continued to fidget in place whilst Tommy cleared his throat, his eyes darting between you and the surrounding boxes.

" What? Why do you keep looking at me like that" you said with a thrown on your face.

" I'm not looking at you like anything" Tommy replied as he quickly glanced away. With your focus now elsewhere, Tommy's eyes drifted down to both of your bodies pressed up against eachother, biting his inner cheek in attempt to rid himself of all the thoughts going through his mind. Taking in every delicate feature of your face, Tommy felt his heart quicken as he continued to stare down at you. God you were beautiful, he had been wanting to tell you those very words for years, wanted to ask you out, tell you how he felt. But unlike his old brother who seemed to have endless amounts of confidence when it came to girls, Tommy never found the courage to make a move. Instead he begrudgingly tormented himself, watching all the boys of Small Heath try their luck with you.

" You're doing it again, stop it!" you said squinting your eyes as you looked up to see him still staring down at you. " You're making me nervous"

" What else am I supposed to look at, you're right in front of me " he said with a small sigh. Just ask her you idiot, he thought to himself as he peered at you in the corner of his eye.

" Y/N erm, I was wondering..." he started to say when you grabbed his hand your eyes widening in a panic.

" Shh. Did you hear that?" You said as you looked behind him to the door.

" Its just a window blowing open" he replied as he glanced down at your hand still holding onto his. Throwing his head back Tommy shook his head, frustrated that the moment he had finally found the courage to ask you out you had cut him off. Bringing his eyes back down to look at you, Tommy took a deep breath. If he couldn't say how he felt he would show it. What was the worse that could happen?

" Fuck it" he said as he cupped your cheeks crashing his lips onto yours. For a brief moment you resisted taken by surprise at Tommy's unexpected move until your whole body finally relaxed and you quickly melted into the kiss. There was no technique to it, wet, messy, all tongues and teeth. But as your lips interlocked you felt a flutter of butterflies fill your stomach, your hands finding their way to his shoulders as Tommy enthusiastically pushed you back the few centimeters remaining between you and the wall behind you.

" Owh" you said as your head hit the wall, the thump loud enough for anyone to hear.

" Shit, sorry" Tommy said as a small giggle escaped your mouth at his overly keen display. Pressing your lips back onto his the kiss was smoother, a small whimper leaving your throat as his tongue brushed over yours. Moaning, Tommy's hand dropped from your waist to your leg as his fingers travelled under you skirt grazing over your suspenders. Things were getting heated, very heated.

" Wait, Tommy I've, i'm a.."

" Fuck sorry, I wasn't trying to" Tommy awkwardly said cutting you and himself off. " Wait, you're a Virgin?" he asked with a small smile etched on the corner of his lips his brows slightly raised.

" Why do you look so surprised? " you answered back, your whole face scrunched up in annoyance.

" No nothing. It's just I didn't think you was...you know" he replied unable to formulate his own words.

" Oh and you're not? You really think I believed that ridiculous story you told us all last summer about how you gave Irene five orgasms in ten minutes" you scoffed with a laugh as Tommy's cheeks suddenly went a crimson shade of red, his hands dropping from your waist.

" Jesus...thanks Y/N" Tommy said looking away with a huff unable to physically move away from the embarrassment surrounding him.

" Slightly exaggerated don't you think? " you giggled as Tommy looked back at you, his hands now on his hips.

" You done?" he huffed as you bit your bottom lip trying to hold back the laugh that was seconds away from escaping. As Tommy pressed his lips back onto yours the small giggle unable to contain itself finally broke free.

" Stop it, I'm trying to concentrate" he said smiling into your lips as he continued to kiss you, his hands roaming over the curves of your body when the door suddenly flew open.

" Oi oi, what's going on in here then? " Arthur said grinning at you both as you let go of eachother. Rolling your eyes you walked out the small room pushing past him the box of whisky and leg of ham he was holding. "Get to second base baby brother?" Arthur sniggered as Tommy thumped him in the arm.

" Fuck off Arthur" Tommy pouted leaving the room and his older brother in fits of laughter. Both barely out the door, your eyes widened as the owner and his dog turned the corner.

" You little bastards. I've seen your faces. I know who you are! You're those trouble making Shelby boys. And look, you've brought your little whore with you, that dead drunk idiot's daughter. How did you petty little thieves make it out of Small Heath, steal a car?"

" Hey! Nobody gets to call her a whore but us" Arthur warned the owner pointing his finger at him as Tommy protectively pushed you behind him. Now in a stand-off between the owner and his drooling dog growling at you, you watched as he unclasped the large metal chain from the dogs collar.

" Go on boy get 'em!" he commanded when Tommy grabbed the leg of ham out the crate in Arthur's arms, launching it in the dog's direction.

" My bloody ham!" Arthur said, furious his dinner had been tossed to the the very dog he felt had betrayed him.

" Run!" Tommy shouted as you all turned around.

" I'm calling the police!"

" Thanks for the whisky old man" Arthur laughed running down the stairs as you and Tommy followed behind him, mentally noting never to follow one of Arthur's ideas again.

Several hours had passed and you Tommy, Arthur and a girl he had picked up along the way were sitting around a campfire in the local woods where Arthur and Tommy's families two vardos were, sipping on the finest whisky you had ever tasted. You couldn't remember the amount of times they had brought you out here to camp, taking you away for a brief moment from the smoke filled air, from the memories of your father that hung over you thicker than any fogged filled skies, a grief you wouldn't have made it through without them. As you sat looking at the flames of the fire mesmerised by their orange glow Tommy glanced over to you, watching the flickering lights from the campfire cast a golden hue on your skin, desperate to be alone with you again, the kiss you shared earlier repeatedly playing out in his head.

" Come on love, let's leave them to it" Arthur said standing up taking his dates hand after noticing his brother staring at you. " See you in the morning" Arthur winked back to Tommy opening the small caravan door, squeezing the girls bum as they both entered. " If the caravan be rocking, don't come a knocking!" Arthur laughed as he shut the door leaving you alone with Tommy.

" Dickhead" Tommy mumbled under his breath as you looked away, biting your bottom lip at how awkward Arthur had suddenly made everything. "It's getting late" you said standing up as you brushed the mud and twigs off your skirt looking back at the other vardo.

" I'll sleep out here" Tommy said as he sat up throwing another log onto the fire.

" You can't sleep out here, you'll freeze to death. Come on, it's not like we've never slept in the same bed" you said only just realising how different this time would be.

" Right, yeh...ok" Tommy said clearing his throat as he stood up.

As you settled into the small bed you watched as Tommy took of his hat and coat, your heart rapidly beating as nerves started to mount in your stomach. Climbing under the covers Tommy turned to face you, his fingers coming up to brush the strands of hair away from your face. Leaning into eachother, both of you turned your head in the same direction, awkwardly banging your foreheads together, resulting in a fit of laughs leaving your lips as Tommy shook his head at you. It was quite possible you were the giggliest girl he had ever met. Relaxing you recomposed yourself as Tommy pressed his lips to yours in a tender embrace. As his hand moved to your lower back, pressing your body closer to his your breath hitched in you throat, nerves now consuming every movement you made. Pulling away Tommy rubbed his thumb over your hip, in an effort to help you relax.

" Let's just lay here together, yeh?" he said taking the pressure away from you, not wanting to rush you into anything you wasn't ready for you as you nodded your head, thankful for his understanding nature. Rolling onto his back Tommy brought you closer into his side as he stroked up and down your arm, happy to finally have you in his arms.

" I nearly forgot" you said as you sat up leaning across him to pick up your coat.

" Happy Birthday" you said pulling out a small gift wrapped in cloth.

" My birthdays not until tomorrow " he chuckled as he sat up.

" It will be in ten minutes" you said as you looked down at your watch, quickly returning your eyes to him pulling out a gold pocket watch from within the delicate fabric.

" Jesus Y/N...you got this for me, how? " he said with a huge grin on his face as he looked to you.

" All those hours pressing clothes. Took me almost a year to be able to afford it"

"Come here" he said bringing you into a hug as you settled back down into the bed together." Thank you" he added as he pressed a kiss to your forehead feeling happier than any win he had ever won at the races.

With his arm securely wrapped around you Tommy couldn't stop the smile on his face as he looked down at the watch in his hand, it was nicest thing he owned and the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him. Glancing at your wristwatch, Tommy turned the dials to the right time, when you took it from him turning it back a further five minutes.

" It's five minutes too late" he said watching you press the knob down.

" That way I'll always be on time for you" you giggled handing it back as Tommy chuckled shaking his head.

" Yeh just means I won't be on time for anything" he smiled closing the watch, keeping it tightly clasped in his hand as you nuzzled your head into his chest.

" Tommy?"

" Mm-hm?" he said as his eyes were about to close.

" What do you think we'll be doing this time ten years from now"

" The same thing" he smiled as his thumb rubbed over the curve of your shoulder. "Only naked" he said as he opened one eye looking to you.

" Tommy!" You said, giving him a small punch to the arm. " I'm serious, what do you think we'll be doing?"

" The same thing Y/N" he said with certainty as he tuned his head to face you. " You'll be in my arms every night from now on, that's a promise" he said as he looked lovingly back at you before giving you one last peck to the lips as you both closed your eyes, dreaming of the future and everything coming your way. Even though you were both young with your whole lives ahead of you one thing was for certain, in that moment you had no doubts that you wouldn't spend the rest of your lives together and every night in each others arms.

Ten years later...

Laughs and chatter of people enjoying eachothers company hummed around you as you sat quietly in the corner of the Garrison, the drink in your hand untouched as the night you and Tommy spent together this time ten years ago asleep in each others arms cruelly played out in your head. As a tear fell from your eye you looked up across the room to see the new barmaid sat tightly against Tommy's body, his arm resting around her shoulders. Tonight it wouldn't be you wrapped in his arms, tonight you would sleep alone as regret over decisions you had made weighed down your already broken heart. Standing up from your seat Tommy's eyes quickly darted to you, watching you pull your coat around you as you brushed the tears from your face, leaving the Garrison in a hurry unable to withstand anymore.

Clutching your coat around you from the cold night air you pushed the last tears from your cheeks as the pain in your heart dug further into your chest.

" Y/N" you heard your name being called by the very man you didn't want to see you like this.

"Yes Tommy" you said turning around as he waited at the Garrison door.

" I need you to go finish those papers at the betting shop for tomorrow" he said lighting a cigarette as he stepped a little closer.

" It's nearly midnight..." you replied as you watched him pull out his pocket watch to check the time. Quickly closing it Tommy clutched it tightly in his hand as he looked back at you. For a brief moment that's all he did as if the memories of that night had suddenly come flooding back to him. Maybe they had never left, and Tommy's heart was aching as much of yours, either way you could never tell, for just as quickly as his face softened for those brief few moments his demeanor abruptly changed, a scowl not spread across his face.

" The deadlines tomorrow " he said sharply looking to you as you shivered in the cold, your eyes red from crying.

" Ok Tommy" you said like you always did, at his beck and call night and day, desperately hanging onto the love you still felt for him. Without saying another word you turned on your heel heading for Watery Lane.

" You not going to wish me a happy birthday then?" Tommy called out as he watched you walk away.

" Happy birthday Tommy" you replied, the words catching in your throat, tears streaming down your face as you walked briskly off into the night. So much had changed over the years, so many promises broken, hearts broken along with them. But yet you still held on, hopelessly devoted to the man who promised to hold you in his arms every night.

(Part Two coming soon!)

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