#and i lost some of my old concert tickets in the last 2 moves so i dont even have physical proof anymore i just have to trust that my

[vampmilf]

.

[neonponders]

Okay I’m in this Flayed!Steve thing now. Here’s part 2 for this post ~

It’s the angsty middle (I don’t know if I’m doing a part 3 so this might just be angst with no conclusion LOL) so I’ll put it under the cut.

• • • • • • •

Billy frowned at Max’s gaggle of weirdos from atop his lifeguard throne. She had a pass to the pool - courtesy of his job - so the extremely obvious sneaking around was even weirder than that herd of freshmen usually behaved.

Whatever. It’s summer. It’s closing time, and Billy’s got plans to be nowhere in Hawkins tonight. He’s got a concert ticket burning a hole in his locker, and he can’t help but touch it fondly after he finishes his shower -

The lights go out.

He wants to slouch and tip his head back like Max does when she’s just over it. But since he’s the boss around here, he puts strength in his legs and barks, “HEY! Lights on and get out!”

When nothing changed, he quickly yanked on his jeans, t-shirt, and shouldered his backpack - ticket safely locked within an interior pocket -

Billy’s mouth opens to bellow, but someone else beats him to it.

“MAX!”

The voice is familiar but he can’t place it. Or rather, it’s out of place, so he doesn’t believe it until he sees Steve Harrington for himself.

“Max! Get out of the freaking sauna! I’m not interested in smelling like old men.”

Billy frowned. There was only one sauna, and women didn’t use it. A mild warning bell moves through Billy’s head at why Max could possibly be in the sauna at all, but instead he chooses to intercept the guy yelling for his stepsister.

“Hey, Harrington.”

It was convenient that Billy stood behind him; he got the full view of that Scoops Ahoy uniform as Steve turned around and -

Got a sandbag in the stomach. The pool staff used those to weigh down signs and traffic cones on busy days in the parking lot, but for the life of him, Billy had no idea where it had just come from. They weren’t stored anywhere near the locker rooms or sauna.

Billy gaped as the guy vocally coughed and flew backward. A good bit of spit got knocked out of him on the way into the sauna, and then the door slammed shut.

Freshmen swarmed around Billy, running at the door to bar it shut. Byers’ brother read the thermometer on the wall. “Almost at two hundred!”

“Max.”

Her red ponytail flew around her head as she looked at him and his confusion. “Billy, I don’t have time to explain.”

“You might!” Lucas intercepted. “We don’t know how long this will take!”

A new voice asked, “How long does it take?”

Billy analyzed this new person’s sailor uniform. “Who are you?”

“Robin. Who the hell are you?”

“I work here!” Billy growled. “What the hell are all of you doing after hours?”

“Steve’s possessed by something,” Robin said.

Billy’s voice went deadpan. “It’s July.”

She grimaced, “So?”

“So take your Halloween bullshit out of here - ”

Slow...quiet laughter turned their heads to the sauna door. Yet...the laughter didn’t match the sobbed, “Bullshit. My life is bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.”

“Two-fifteen,” Byers narrated by the thermometer. As if connected to the temperature, Steve got louder, wailing an atrocious sound that made even Billy wince.

“We’re all getting arrested for this if you don’t let him out - ”

“We can’t let him out!” Wheeler shouted. Jesus, the kid was just as bullheaded as his sister. “The Mind Flayer’s inside of him. Maybe you might be bored enough to let this thing take over our dimension, but we’re not!”

“Mike, he doesn’t know,” Max said as if trying to soothe the situation, but Billy’s eyes were on the sauna window. Steve had stood up. And Max stood too close to the door.

A fist broke the glass and gripped her hair the same time Billy dove for her. Max screamed as they both landed against the sauna door. Everyone was yelling, but through the chaos, a hand entered Billy’s vision and Steve flew away from the door as if pulled by a rope behind him.

Billy dragged Max away, but not without seeing how Steve landed on the floor, broken tiles following him from the wall. A girl stood beside them, but Billy didn’t know her. She had a nosebleed but didn’t seem to care. “Steve. Fight it. Fight.”

No laughter this time, but the sound of Steve crying was...hard to listen to. Billy and Max slowly returned to the others, all of them peering into the sauna at Steve slumped on the floor.

“I can’t. I’ve been trying. I can’t anymore. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He held his bleeding hand, but all of him sounded broken. Billy heard himself ask, “What’s wrong with him?”

“Mind Flayer,” the girl said.

“Yeah, that doesn’t mean anything to me,” Billy remarked.

“It’s a creature from another dimension,” Byers said...a bit too calmly. “It possessed me last year.”

“You seem fine,” Billy retorted, even though Byers was pale, skinny, and for some reason stayed true to that ridiculous bowl cut.

“My mom and brother got it out of me, but it won’t be as easy this time. All of the flayed people have been eating chemicals. Steve’s house is a mess.”

Robin pointed at the window, “Does that look all right to you?”

Billy refocused on Steve...and all the black veins on his arms, his face.

“Two-forty,” Byers said.

The curly-haired kid...Dustin, Billy remembered from some locked cabinet of his brain, said, “The human body can’t survive past one hundred and ten.”

“What if he’s not human anymore?” Lucas said quietly, like a secret.

“Steve’s still in there!” Dustin yelled, even though his tone was soaked with doubt. “Steve, you gotta fight it, man. Come on! I know you don’t have the best track record, but this is a fight you can’t lose!”

“I ALREADY LOST!” he screamed. Max was crying in Billy’s arms. He hadn’t realized they still held onto each other. Steve cried, “I lost. Soon as this thing’s out of me...I’m dead. I’m so thirsty. All he drinks is bleach. I’m not okay. There’s no way I’m okay. I’m sorry. Robin. I’m sorry. I tried. I tried so he didn’t see you. I tried every time...”

Billy didn’t know what the hell was going on, but Steve’s veins were black, all of them bulging beneath his skin as he began to convulse. Will moved, gasping and weirdly riveted to Steve vomiting something that looked too thick to be saliva.

Then he deflated. “That’s not it. That’s not enough. Two-fifty.”

“What’s it look like?” Lucas asked.

“It’s a cloud - a vapor. It’s - ”

“A shadow.”

Like rats scattering, they retreated from the window where Steve stood again. Except the girl remained, gazing steadily back at him as he reached through the window...not to grab her, but to test the distance.

Steve smiled. Billy felt cold. “Limited human parts.”

Her jaw stiffened as her hands formed into fists at her sides. Opening. Closing. Opening. Closing.

Opening, and rising to point her palm at the window. “When the spider leaves, the web dies.”

Billy couldn’t believe that Steve moved because of this girl, but he landed against tiled wall again...and again.

Dustin was shrieking as Lucas and Mike held him back. “You’re killing him! Stop! Please!”

The girl sobbed through the blood dripping past her mouth -

A guttural hack of a sound wrenched out of Steve, and the sauna went dark. Not like the lights going out...but like dust out of a vacuum. Soot from a faulty firework making Billy squint and then dodge out of they way of Lucas wielding a lighter and hairspray.

To Billy’s horror, the soot cloud moved. Dodging and evading the hairspray flames - some of it even catching light and moving like cinders.

Lucas, Mike, and the girl chased it out of the building, but Billy and the others looked at Robin wrenching the sauna open. Steve lay unmoving inside.

“Steve? Steve! Oh...god. We need a hospital.”

They didn’t have a hospital. But they did have a lifeguard.

“Move. Let me see him.”

Billy still had no functional idea of what the hell was going on. All he knew was that he didn’t get paid enough for any of this, and his CPR training told him: when in doubt, keep compressions going until better helps comes.

“Max, call an ambulance. Then stand outside to flag them down. Robin, help me move him out of here. It’s too hot.”

For all of Max’s faults, an unsteady head was not one of them. She took off for a phone and Robin was thankfully nearly as tall as Steve and Billy. They lifted Steve with ease and got him to a locker room bench. Dustin and Byers put cool-soaked towels underneath Steve’s armpits as Billy began chest compressions.

Both boys flinched back at the sound of bones snapping. Dustin exclaimed, “That’s not right! That can’t be right!”

“I have to break the sternum off the ribs to compress his heart. Stay the hell out of my way.”

Maybe it was the sound, or the sound coupled with Steve’s sweat and slimed-drenched face, but Robin finally broke. She ran for a toilet and heaved. Then both boys held onto her, crying as Billy gripped Steve’s hair and jaw to open his windpipe and breathe into him.

It was gross. It was terrifying. And it felt like nothing was happening. Steve was cold and unmoving. He tasted strange. Soft lips made acrid and sharp.

Voices echoed in Billy’s ears but he didn’t stop. He counted to thirty and breathed for Steve twice.

Thirty.

Breathe.

Thirty.

He still counted even after an EMT ripped him off of Steve, and left him standing vacantly in the lot as the firework of a truck sped away.

[natromanxoff]

Queen live at National Bowl in Milton Keynes, UK - June 5, 1982 (Part-1)

(x)

It was originally intended for the band to play this concert at Arsenal Stadium in Highbury, but it was moved to Milton Keynes for the same reason the Leeds show wasn't played at the famed Old Trafford. It's also worth noting that the band wanted to play at London's famous Royal Albert Hall as well, but the plan was never orchestrated as there was much fear that the weight of Queen's lighting rig would make the ceiling cave in. An early tour itinerary listed two London shows (June 4 and 5) on the agenda. The Teardrop Explodes were among the bands (the same line-up as last week in Leeds) who opened for Queen at this show. Their guitarist, Julian Cope, stood before about 40 thousand Queen fans and introduced the next song as being probably the best song they had ever heard, prompting someone near the stage to throw a toilet seat at him, which missed (people are known to bring cameras and certain substances to concerts, but toilet seats?). Lemonade bottles were then thrown at the guitarist which he tossed back into the audience. The complete Queen concert was filmed. A shortened video was shown on UK TV on a show called "The Tube" in January 1983 (omitting Action This Day, the bit of Las Palabras de Amor, Back Chat, Get Down Make Love, part of the guitar solo, Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Another One Bites The Dust, and Sheer Heart Attack), and on MTV in the US in August 1983 (the latter was a simulcast, with the audio being broadcast on FM radio in stereo, on the west coast, at least). The video was edited by Gavin Taylor, who was later invited by the band to direct the now famous video at Wembley Stadium in 1986. An even shorter version (about 50 minutes long) of the Milton Keynes video was shown on UK TV in 2001 (and many times since). Both the Milton Keynes and Wembley shows would eventually be released on DVD uncut. The 2004 official release of this show (both on CD and DVD) is called "Queen On Fire: Live At The Bowl". The DVD is a beautiful document of Queen's show at the time, packed full of classic Queen moments. There are also extras from 1982 shows in Vienna and Tokyo. After a great version of Play The Game, Freddie essentially apologizes to the audience for much of the latest album's content: "Now most of you know that we've got some new songs out in the last week. For what it's worth we're gonna do a few songs in the funk/black category, whatever you call it. That doesn't mean we've lost our rock and roll feel, okay? I mean it's only a bloody record. People get so excited about these things! We just wanna try out a few songs. This is Staying Power." For some reason part of the speech was removed for the CD release of "Live At The Bowl." Without a doubt this is his definitive live delivery of the song, pulling off all of the stops. Mercury is at his peak tonight. Somebody To Love has been a vocal adventure of Freddie's for the past couple years. His intro is different every night, as is his solo spot towards the end. The version captured here on film is surely one of his best. Before launching into the familiar piano theme, he asks the audience in a moment for the ages, "Are you ready?" And in excitement, "Huh? Are you ready brothers and sisters?" Part way through his vocal exchange with the audience in Now I'm Here, Freddie says, "C'mon, we're gonna make you sing like Aretha Franklin." At the end of the successful duel, he jokingly says, "Right, you can join the band!" The r&b influence is never more evident than it is here, and it makes for a classic version of the song. Brian breaks a string just before his guitar solo in Dragon Attack. While he switches to a Red Special copy, John Deacon gets to play the bass solo as it's heard on the record - the one and only time he has the chance to do it. It's on the fly, and he nails it note for note. "Las Palabras de Amor" was released as a single a few days ago, and Brian plays a small bit of it on his 12-string acoustic before Love Of My Life. He then mentions how the band won't be playing their "song of peace" tonight, as he calls it. This remains the only show where the Hot Space ballad would be referenced. Brian's guitar briefly cuts out during his solo spot, a moment that was edited out of the 1983 TV broadcasts (and slightly edited on the CD release) but seen uncut on the DVD. Brian's guitar tech is seen rushing on and off stage within seconds, having quickly resolved the issue (it was likely a sticky pickup switch). About half way through Sheer Heart Attack, Brian sneaks in the riff from I Go Crazy an octave up, and much faster, to match the tempo of the energetic News Of The World rocker. The song would be dropped from the set after this show, only to emerge again late in the pending North American tour. This would be Morgan Fisher's last show with the band as the touring keyboardist. A number of theories abound about his departure, including butting heads with Mercury's personal manager Paul Prenter or his apparent fear of flying, but it was simply a case of him moving on to other gigs (Fisher confirmed in a 2009 interview that he has never been afraid of airplanes). The CD and DVD releases would be patched up a bit, most notably in the third verse of Fat Bottomed Girls where Freddie's voice cracked badly on "locality," as well as for "now I'm here, now I'm there." Roger's timing with the guitar delays at the end of May's solo spot was bit off at the show, but this is fixed up as well. The sound quality as a whole is much better than the broadcasts, but there are a couple differences in the mix - some of Brian's backing vocals (particularly at the end of Somebody To Love) can be clearly heard in the broadcast mix but were brought down for the official releases, and compression has been added to Roger's snare drum, giving it a much fatter sound compared to Queen Rock Montreal. Brian May and Roger Taylor are interviewed before the show, as shown on the Bowl DVD and the original TV broadcasts. Brian reveals that he really enjoys playing Play The Game. He explains, "You've done your leaping about, and you've made your statement on your entry. And then you can settle down and start really playing something." Roger says his current favourite is Under Pressure. On the day before this show Freddie's boyfriend at the time had bitten him between his thumb and forefinger during a fight, causing it to bleed profusely and require stitches. On the DVD, Freddie is seen tossing the bandage around just before coming on stage. The sixth picture was submitted by Fabio Minero, and the eighth is from Alessio Rizzitelli. The second set was taken by Brenski.

(x)

Fan Stories

“At the time, I was living on the Mull Of Kintyre on the West coast of Scotland. I remember being elated at getting tickets for the last gig of the UK tour. I always tried to get 'last night' tickets, because the band were famous for always going a little more 'over the top' on each of their tour's final nights. So, we drove down from Scotland, which took an eternity with fuel and meal stops, and stayed at the in-law's on the south coast of England. The next day we set for the 'new-town' of Milton Keynes, about 100 miles or so, away. We got there quite early before the gates opened and the weather was unsettled, lightly raining for about five minutes nearly every other hour. The support bands for the day were 'Teardrop Explodes', who had a fairly big hit with a song called 'Reward'. I quite liked Julian Cope and his band, but this WAS a rock gig, and the audience weren't generally as receptive to this brass backed 'new romantic' style of music. The customary sea of lemonade bottles headed towards the stage ensued. Now it was over twenty years ago, and the memory starts to fade a bit after a while, so I'm not sure whether 'Heart' were next on, or 'Joan Jett and the Blackhearts'. Either way, both bands played well, and were most enjoyable. Joan Jett had recently had a very big hit with 'I Love Rock'n'Roll' (very recently covered by Britney Spears), and the crowd loved that one. This was prior to 'Heart' having a major hit in the UK, but they were at that time an established and well known band. Looking at the stage, there were these items that looked like little vehicles hanging from the gantry, we later found out that these were individual self contained lighting platforms with a guy sat in each directing three spotlights wherever they were required to do so. The Queen set itself started with an extended backing tape from the intro of Flash Gordon. Most of you will have seen the video of this gig, so I won't labour on about what they played too much. Only that the crowd, as a whole, weren't into the 'Hot Space' numbers that much. Personally, I was watching my favourite band, so I didn't really care what they played, as long as it was theirs. The bits cut out of the video, included an intro to 'Las Palabras De Amor' from Brian, (just before 'Love Of My Life'), though they never actually played the whole song, Brian announced that they were not doing their song of peace tonight. Brian's two-day guitar solo was edited out, as was 'Fat Bottomed Girls', the intro harmonies on this did come across as pretty iffy, and of all songs, they also edited out 'Crazy Little Thing Called Love', much to my disappointment, as I'd heckled Freddie about his ability as a guitarist, and 'stone me', he only went and answered me. Knebworth '86 was a much better show, but I know I'm lucky enough to have had the honour to be able to compare them.”  - Steve_C/Kes

Part-2

Part-3

[mrsseverussnape]

Love Is You - chapter 10

    David Bowie concert in the last week was the best day Scarlett had in a while. Severus has offered her to have dinner in London before the concert and she has gladly accepted it. Before they left Hogwarts, Carina has insisted to take a photo of them because they have worn matching outfits without talking to each other and in Carina’s opinion they looked so cool. Her mother was wearing a long black tule skirt with a black jacket combined with a leather beret and long leather boots, her red hair was curled and her makeup was just a simple red lipstick and black smoky eyes. Professor Snape was wearing black trousers and a black turtleneck with a long leather jacket and he has put his hair in a messy bun. Carina has never seen him like that before but she was quite impressed by it. Then Severus and Scarlett apparated to London and their first destination was an Italian restaurant they used to go a lot. After having their dinner, they arrived at the concert hall. Severus has bought front row tickets and Scarlett couldn’t be happier. The moment David Bowie came up to stage, Severus realized Scarlett still didn’t have any self-control for Bowie but he was happy since Scarlett was having time of her life and actually losing herself in the moment and thinking nothing else but the music. After the concert they had a walk around the area and Scarlett insisted to treat Severus with a dessert as a thank you gift when she saw an open patisserie after the midnight. Severus had no choice but to accept it because Scarlett couldn’t take her eyes off the glass where they were showing the desserts. It was such a fun and needed night for both of them in the end of the day.

    This week would be Scarlett’s moving week; she was ready to move into her old house after living with Carina at Hogwarts for over a month by now. Carina wasn't willing to let her go yet but Scarlett needed her own place and privacy since she always loved to be alone, also she didn’t want to be a burden for Carina anymore. Furthermore she wasn't feeling much depressed anymore so she was trusting herself about not doing stupid things like over drinking or trying to kill herself...

    Scarlett has left their family house to Sirius even though she loved it so much but the last memories she had there erased all the good memories that the house held over the years. So she was moving the house that her parents bought her as a graduation present when she was 18. It was a Victorian style small duplex house with light blue and white exterior. The house had a small front garden where she has planted nothing else but roses. Scarlett has lived here with Severus for a year and with Sirius for 2 years until they got married. The house was already furnished, and she wasn't planning to change it at all except the bedroom. Also she has gotten her personal stuff from the family house and needed to place them too.

    Leo and Scarlett have gone to shopping for bedroom in weekdays and today; Saturday, Carina joined them too to decorate the house. Scarlett was decorating the bedroom all over again while Carina was taking care of the kitchen and Leo was emptying the boxes which Scarlett brought from the family house in the living room. Then he found a rather big, fancy trunk; It was emerald green and there was a snake wrapped around a rose design carved on the centre of the lid. Leo has never seen it in his life before but since his mum brought it here it must have been important to her. He couldn't help but wonder what was in it so he tried to open but it was locked as he has suspected.

"Carina, come here for a sec." he called out for his twin.

"Yes?" She walked into the living room and she saw the trunk in front of Leo. "What's that?" She questioned curiously, it was such a pretty looking thing.

"I was hoping you would know..."

She sat down the floor next to him and examined  the trunk. "That carving looks familiar to me but i dunno from where..."

"Alohomora." Leo whispered suddenly but the spell didn't work on the emerald trunk. "Well, now i am even more curious..."

"Leo! Maybe she has very personal things in it. We can simply ask her and not try to open it secretly."

"We've never seen it and it's locked with a strong charm apparently. Do you really think that mum will "simply" say what's inside the trunk?"

"Then maybe we shouldn't unlock it! What she could possibly put inside it, anyways?"

"That's the point. Don't you wonder what's mum hiding!?"

"Maybe i do, a little..."

"Do you have any idea about where the key is?"

Carina thought for a while. "You know she keeps the bank vaults’ keys and some other important ones in the same keychain. Maybe it is also there?"

"I think the keychain is still in her bag because we went to Gringotts yesterday. So the plan is you will go upstairs to distract mum from coming down here and i will try the keys on the lock. She has left the bag in the doorway."

"Okay fine but if you can manage to unlock it, call me for help or something and i will come to see. But don’t be suspicious."

"Okay, let the mission begin!"

Carina made her way to the upstairs when Leo went to the doorway to check the bag. It wasn't hard to find the keys in the bag. There were 5 keys in the keychain; 2 of them were for the bank, 1 was for her own vault which she keeps in the house that Leo knew. So there was 2 other keys left. Leo tried to first one but it didn't even fit the lock. The last one was smaller than the previous one, he still kept his hopes high and tried the last possible key. And then he heard the click when he put it inside the lock. He carefully turned it and the trunk unlocked itself. Leo snickered to himself and opened it slowly. There were many kinds of things in the trunk but the big purple photo album with velvet cover caught his eyes the most. He took it out carefully, he was trying not to move anything in the trunk that she could notice later, then before took a look inside the album he called his twin as he promised. Carina came down running excitedly after couple of seconds.

"Mum is not coming anytime soon, she is so lost with the clothes right now." She whispered and sat next to him.

"There are so many things in it! It is like a memory box but bigger version. Probably the presents dad got her when they were dating or such because there are some jewellery boxes." Then he showed the photo album he took out. "Are you ready to take a look inside?"

She was looking unsure and having second thoughts. "I don't feel very comfortable about doing this behind her back to be honest..."

"Oh c'mon Carina, we made it this far and i saw how excited you were while coming here! Some mischievousness won't hurt anyone, be daddy's girl for once!"

She rolled her eyes at his statement. "Fine fine, open it!"

"NO WAY!"

"Is this...?"

"YES! MERLIN’S BEARD!"

"Be quiet Leo!" Carina slapped his arm.

They looked through the photos in silence and shock for a while until Carina broke it.

"I have told you that there is something between them, i felt it from the very first moment I saw them in the same room!"

"You did but i wasn't expecting THAT. Some big love is happening here! Professor Snape and mum… I would never imagine this pair in my wildest dreams, bloody hell!"

"I wonder why she never mentioned it before, we talked about relationships countless of times and she was like dad was the first and the last. Mum literally acted like she doesn't know Professor Snape for years!"

"Maybe the breakup wasn't smooth. But I remember whenever you talked about Professor Snape which you did frequently; dad was always annoyed and mum was avoiding talking. I bet there is some drama here. " Leo put the photo album back in the trunk. "I am locking it, this shock is enough for today and apparently it is very personal..."

She nodded. "I will learn their story soon."

"How will you do that exactly?"

"Leave the job to the professional and don't worry about the rest." A mischievous smirk appeared on Carina’s lips.

Taglist:

@snapefiction @lizlil @elizabeth-baelish @misselsbells06 @mais-e @lunnybunny12 @anfre109 @entirelymesmerising @wolvesofwinter13 @mrssnivellussnape @mestin-writes

If you wanna be on my taglist, let me know!

[mersuperwholocked-lowlife]

Ace

Word Count: 1,776

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Reader, OC Character

Pairings: Sam Winchester x Niece!Reader ; Dean Winchester x Daughter!Reader

Warnings: angst, cliffhangerish?

A/N: Part 2?

Masterlist

(gifs not mine)

“No, not like that. Like this,” you watched as your dad taught your brother how to unload and reload his gun for the 100th time.

You continued sitting in the war room, trying to study.

Instead, you found yourself watching your Dean and your brother, praying that you could be close with him. After your mom died, Dean took you and your brother in. Unfortunately for you, Dean favorited your brother, and never realized how much he showed it.

You got along fine with Sam, both like reading, good grades, smart, the whole pack. But, you knew he still preferred your brother.

Most of the time you ignored it, but sometimes it got hard.

“You know, I’m not proud of much, but I’m proud of you,” your dad smiled, patting your brother’s back.

“Thanks, Dad,” 

You sighed, looking back to your textbook and snapping out of your thoughts.

“(Y/N), wanna watch a movie?” you hear your brother ask.

“No, I’m studying,” you reply, starting to take some notes.

“You never want to do anything fun anymore. It’s annoying,” he rolled his eyes.

“Hey, be nice,” Dean warned.

You were a little surprised over his reaction, normally he wouldn't say anything.

“I have work to do. I want to keep my grades up,” you sighed.

Another lie.

All you cared about was that you were away from your family.

“You’re so boring now. You've changed,” he said.

“I know,” you grab your textbook and your notebook, making your way to your room.

---

“I got three concert tickets!” your brother exclaimed, running into the bunker.

“Sweet, kid! Who are you taking?” Dean asked.

“Me, you, and Uncle Sam,” he replied.

“What about (Y/N)?” you heard Sam ask.

It’s nice to know you weren't completely invisible to everyone.

“I don't want to go,” you shrugged.

“Are you sure? You don't go anywhere,” Sam asked.

Dean just stared at you quietly.

“I’m sure. Have fun,” you say before leaving.

---

You sat at your desk, finishing up your schoolwork, when your mind drifts off to somewhere else, thinking about your life.

Thinking about how much you missed your mom, thinking about how much you wanted Sam to be your father instead. You might not be his favorite but at least he doesn't pretend you don't exist.

You thought about everything Dean didn't know about you. Your favorite color, what college you wanted to go to. What your favorite book was, or your hunts.

The hunts were your hardest secret. You always hacked into whatever database you could, gathering information.

Sometimes, you’d release information for other hunters to use. Other times, you’d help hunters, wearing a mask to hide your identity. But, mostly, you snuck out, doing them solo. 

Not that they ever noticed. The one thing you hid was your name, using the nickname Ace. Not that it had any meaning to you, you came up with it after you realized Sam and Dean also knew the hunters that you sold information to.

You realized how much you truly missed your mom, and how much you wanted her back.

After you finished your work, you sat on your bed, looking at all the pictures and memories with your mom.

You didn't realize your tears till they fell down, falling on the pictures.

(Y/N) and Jason, 2003

You looked at the picture of you and your brother, realizing how far you've drifted from him.

You were never one to talk about your emotions, but you had completely changed everything about you. You were broken, you weren't human. You were just a shell. A numb shell.

But if you were so numb, why did you care about wanting Dean to notice you, about wanting your family to care about you? Was that bad or good?

You close your eyes, laying in bed. Not asleep, but not wanting to talk with your family.

---

You found a way to sneak out of the bunker. A hunter called, needed help with a nest. You grabbed your mask and left.

---

The anniversary of your mother’s death came, with you being the only one who cared. Even though you were still in pain. You were bruised and wounded from the last hunt, but you didn't care.

“Where are you going?” Jason asked you.

“I’m just going out for a bit,” you replied.

“Where?” he crossed his arms.

“Somewhere,” you knew if you told him the truth, he would be mad that you weren't taking him. And you could use some time away from him.

“Where?” he asked again.

“I'm just going out,” you replied,

rolling your eyes.

“What's going on?” you heard Dean’s voice.

Great, just great

“(Y/N)'s trying to sneak out,” your brother told Dean.

“What? Why? Where are you going?” Dean asked.

“I just wanted to go out,” you could feel your emotions threatening to spill, but held them in.

“Just go to your room. You’re grounded,” Dean said.

“W-What?” you said shakily.

“Grounded, for a week,” he replied.

You were on the verge of tears.

“Can this just start tomorrow, I really have to go,” you said, looking at the time.

“Whatever it is can wait. Go,” Dean motioned to your room.

You felt your heartbreaking, you felt something. You felt pain.

You quickly ran to your room, slamming the door shut behind you, as you let out quiet cries.

You couldn't risk letting anyone hear you.

You heard them knocking at the door, about to pick your lock.

“Please, leave me alone,” you said, keeping your voice strong.

Before anyone could say anything, your door was open, your brother stood in front of you. 

“What is going on with you?! Mom died, and that was painful. Now I lost you too. Y-You’re just quiet and weird all the time. And now you’re trying to sneak out,” he said to you.

“Do you have any idea what today is?” you asked him.

“No? Is it important?” he rolled his eyes.

“I guess not. Please, leave me alone,” you sighed.

He paused before leaving you alone in your room.

You grabbed a bottle of whiskey and headed to your room.

---

“What’s that noise?” Sam peaked his head up.

“I didn't hear anything.” Dean shrugged.

He heard glass shatter.

“What the?” Sam jumped up, running with his gun.

Dean followed behind closely as they ran into your room.

You laid on the ground, sitting up when they entered. You must've not realized that your wound was now open and bleeding.

“What the hell?” Dean looked at you, shocked.

You looked beside you, seeing the shattered whiskey bottle on the table.

When did that happen? you shrugged as you pushed yourself up, before stumbling to the table.

“Are you drunk? Are you fucking drunk?” Dean yelled.

“Yeah, so?” you replied.

You leaned against the wall, using it to keep yourself standing. You felt some blood drip from your clothes.

“Are you kidding me? You’re 15!” he yelled.

“Screw you!” you yelled.

“Dean?” Sam gave him a look.

“What?” he asked, not noticing anything wrong.

“She’s 17,” he replied.

He paused.

“Okay, just, move away from the glass before you hurt yourself.” Sam put his gun in his pocket, reaching a hand out to you.

“I hate you so much,” your eyes watered as you looked at Dean.

“What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?!” Dean yelled.

“Why am I acting like this? This is how I fucking act! This is the real me! You’re too preoccupied with Jason to even get a look at me!” you yelled.

“That’s ridiculous, (Y/N),” he rolled his eyes.

“You didn’t know how old I am! You don’t know anything about me! I’m surprised you even know my name!” you cried.

You get your vision blurring. You were losing blood but didn't care enough. You didn't want to stop it. You wanted to bleed out right there and then.

“(Y/N),” he started.

“No! You listen to me! I’ve kept this in for a year! I-I thought that it was me! I thought that it was my fault! But it’s not! It’s not my fault! It’s your fault because you’re a terrible father!” you fell forward, as your hand went straight onto the shattered glass.

You let out a cry watching the blood fall from your hand.

“(Y/N),” Dean said softly, walking towards you.

“I wish you weren't my dad. I wish I died instead of my mom,” you cried.

“I’m sorry,” he wrapped his arms around you.

“I wish Sam was my dad,” you leaned against him, as he felt your body go limp.

“(Y/N)?” he said.

“(Y/N),” he repeated.

He pushed you off of him, looking at you carefully.

“Dean, she’s bleeding!” Sam pointed out, watching the blood drip from your clothes.

“What the hell? We have to go to the hospital. Get Jason,” he picked you up, running to the Impala, and driving off.

---

You woke up with a headache, squinting at the bright light.

Why was it so bright? 

You jumped up, remembering last night.

“Holy shit,” you groaned.

You heard a knock at the door as Sam walked in.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he closed the door behind him.

“I-Is Dean here? I’m…. last night,” you stuttered, not sure where to start.

“It’s okay….. h-he’s not here,” Sam sighed.

You felt your heart shatter.

“Of course he wasn't,” you sighed.

“(Y/N),” Sam started.

“Why would he be here? It’s not like anyone he cares about was here,” your eyes watered.

“It's not like that….” he said.

“It’s fine. I’m fine,” you looked down, wiping your eyes.

“I’m sorry that he doesn't care about you,” Sam sighed.

“Yeah,” 

“I mean, I can’t blame him,” he started.

“What?” you looked up at him, shocked.

“I mean, you can’t blame him, no one cares about you, no one wants to be around you,” he shrugged.

“Why are you saying that?” you asked softly.

“It’s just the truth, and deep down you know it too,” he said.

“Please, leave,” you said.

You waited for him to leave the room before you cried softly.

You had to leave, you needed to leave. You stumbled out of the bed. You wrote a note on a piece of paper, sneaking out of the window.

---

“When will that idiot doctor let us go in?!” Dean groaned.

“I don’t know….” Sam froze as he saw himself leave your room.

“What's wrong?” Jason asked him.

“Shapeshifter,” he said to Dean.

“What? (Y/N),” Dean gasped, running to your room.

Sam went after the shifter, holding his silver knife.

Don’t look for me - (Y/N)

(Posted @ 12:57 PM on July 14, 2020)

[harryskalechips]

This sucks Part 2

A/N Here is the new part two for this sucks. Thank you for all the feedback and for calling me out for the shitty ending of the last version. I rewrote this part with a mixture of the old one. I’m not sorry about the last version but I did want to rewrite this and give this one-shot some justice. I thought this would be more appropriate for our plot. Lastly, I want to say thank you for your support. Without you, I would not have a place to share my work. Anyways, if you read the last version and is content with that, You don’t need to read this but for my lovely angsty cravers. I serve you a full plate of depression. Enjoy xxx  

Word count 3456

Part 1

“Get the fuck out, Mitch.” Harry slurs to his guitarist as he tries his best not to fall back onto his hotel bed. He kept tripping and stumbling onto the mattress and that’s exactly why he doesn’t want it to happen again.

“Dude, you have a show tomorrow. You’ve been getting drunk every night and I don’t think it’s good for your career.” Mitch leans on the side of the wall with his arms crossed. His sarcastic reply just showed how tired he was about Harry acting out. He missed the last tour when everything was good... despite his breakup with Camille in the near end. At least, Harry wasn’t trying to drown himself in alcohol that time. 

“You don’t know what’s best for me!” Harry grips onto the desk in front of him and reaches over his bag to grab the beaten journal. “Now leave me alone, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ve never seen you this fucked up before, Harry. You know we’re all here for you.” Mitch shares his disappointment as he watches Harry throw himself on the couch and dive into his journal. When Love on Tour first started, he was very quiet but as the shows progressed, Harry’s frustration began to seep through. Everyone could tell he was angry at himself. Obviously, heartbroken. 

As Mitch stood in the corner of Harry’s room observing him, Harry tried his best to write something on the paper. He needed it to seem like he was focused. After a couple minutes, his friend leaves the room making Harry rub his face in relief as he throws his journal on the floor. 

Fuck this. fuck this. He repeats in his head as he raises his hips in the air, trying to grab his phone from his back pocket. His eyes are lazily open as he taps on the screen searching for the green phone app. He looks for his favourites and out of fake shock, he stares at the only name on it. Y/N. 

Giving a call once a day showed Y/N, he wants her back but calling her multiple times a day? Y/N had to know he was desperate. 

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected. 

The automated voice he hears every time repeats. It almost felt like she was laughing at him for being so pathetic. Out of anger, he tosses his phone on the floor and lays on his stomach. It felt weird being so angry and sad at the same time about a relationship that only lasted for four months but Harry knew it was the best relationship he has ever had. So maybe everyone can fuck off a bit because he just lost his girlfriend without actually being able to fight for her. 

~

“Harry, you haven’t been answering your sister or your mum. They’ve been calling me to check up on you. Would you like me to schedule a time for you to call them.” Harry’s secretary Andy, asks him as they approach his private jet. They’re on their way back to America since he had just finished the European leg.

“No, but next time they call, tell them I said to fuck off.” Andy nervously swallows the lump in her throat and nods.  

It’s been months! Months after Harry and Y/N’s break up but Harry can’t help but still feel anger at his family for being so close-minded. For hurting her.

“Harry, Camile has also been calling. She’s wondering what show would you like to see her at so we can send her y’know… the tickets.” Harry just scoffs at hearing his ex’s name. Of course, he started talking to her again early this year but after realizing he was in the wrong, he wanted nothing to do with her. 

“Ignore her. I can’t talk to her.”

“Alright.” Andy types on her phone writing down something on her notes. Harry just takes a big sigh and looks out the window. Tour could’ve been fun this year. He could’ve brought Y/N to France, to Italy, to Brazil! But I mean, he couldn’t even be with her in London after she left his stupid ass. Gosh, he hates it here. 

~

“When I wrote this song, I was in a dark place after a relationship of mine ended.” Harry darkly looks around the arena as he fixes the wire of his mic behind him. “I’m a very private guy but let me share one more thing with you all. I fucked up. This song is not even what I’m talking about but it does make me a bit sadder because I did become that guy I didn’t want to be.” His eyes couldn’t help but tear up as he watches his fans look at him in sadness. Fuck, he’s been drinking all the time and all he feels is guilt because these past shows, he was pretending to be happy. Yet he knew he wasn’t even close to that feeling and so did everyone around him.

As the familiar keys began to play, Harry couldn’t help but not look at any of his fans. He had to close his eyes and feel his pain.

I’m falling again, I’m falling again. I’m falling.

~

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected. 

~

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected. 

~

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected. 

Harry rolls his eyes and tosses his phone on the couch. Tonight is his last show in North America. After this, he’s going to be heading south although, it already feels like he’s been heading in that direction for a long time.

“Come in,” Harry yells out coldly as he looks at himself dressed and ready to go to perform tonight.

“It’s just me, Jeff.” His manger lets himself in as he looks at the boy. “The Forum. Remember performing here the first time you released the album.” Harry just nods as he plays with the loose thread of his journal.

“She’s here tonight.” Harry chokes on his breath as his heart beats faster.

“Y/N?” He looks up immediately as he watches Jeff very carefully. “She’s here tonight?” He asks again for confirmation. Maybe, he heard him wrong?

“While we were in London and you were ignoring your family, I decided to give her a call.” Harry just scoffs as he glances at the TV of his fans singing to one of his old songs. 

“You called her? She probably thinks I’m pathetic.”

“You are pathetic! Do you think I don’t know you call her all the time?”

“Her phone number isn’t even in service.”

“Exactly. Pathetic.”

“Where is she sitting tonight?” Harry decides to change the subject as he glances at his phone on the couch. 

“Premium... more on the left side. Look, dude, I gave her an extra ticket to bring a friend but as I was checking in with Mark on visuals, I noticed her with a guy.”

“She brought a guy?” Harry couldn’t help but fist his hands. I mean he’s already had about 60 shows and it’s been 5 months but why did it surprise him, she’s here with another man? Funny to think she claimed she was falling in love with him. Maybe that guy was just a friend but he knew otherwise.

“I’m sorry H. I thought seeing her tonight would fix your relationship but it doesn’t seem like it.”

“I don’t care.” Harry loses his tie. “Maybe, it was a good idea I started talking to Camile again.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Oh but I do.” ~

The show was on full swing now as Harry’s fans were screaming and cheering for him. His hands leave his mouth as he blows kisses to everyone in the room. As he searched the crowd throughout every song, he noticed how some faces were familiar to him. They must’ve been here last night too. After watermelon sugar, Harry turns his back from the crowd to take a drink as Mitch plays his solo for the tour. 

He didn’t want his fans to see his frustration but he was losing his mind. 

“Where are you going?” Sarah loudly whispers as she watches Harry walk off the stage.

“I’ll be back” He cuts her off and takes his water bottle with him as he quickly walks off the stage, waving to his fans.

“Harry, what’s up?” Jeff exclaims as he rushes to his side. “Do you need anything?”

“Where is she? I can’t find her.”

“Do you expect yourself to catch eyes with her tonight? You know full well that’s not even possible.” Harry rolls his eyes as he watches some of the workers moving around.

“Get someone to lead her backstage after the show.” He instructs Jeff coldly. He needed to make sure that Jeff followed through with this.

“Mr. Styles, we’re going to need you back on stage.” An unknown girl with a headset interrupts their conversation. Harry just nods as he turns away from Jeff.

“I need to talk to her... please.”

*** 

“You alright babe?” Robbie wraps his arm around Y/N as she smiles back without a response. It was weird being in the presence of another man during Harry’s concert. She always expected to be by herself watching him. To be with him before and after the show but tonight... she’s just another fan. 

Y/N met Robbie on her flight back to LA after a dreadful trip to London. It was depressing. Walking in the streets alone. Taking awkward selfies at the big ben. What she hated the most was the sad frown she kept on her face or how her heart grew with anxiety when she asked a stranger to take a picture of her at the tower bridge.

“Sorry everyone, I had to take a wee.” Harry runs back on stage as he gives off a smile to everyone. For some reason, Y/N  had a feeling he was lying. Usually, he would run back on stage but it seems like he wasn’t even in a hurry. The wrinkles on his forehead as he stared at the floor made her think there may be more on his mind than what he’s showing.

“So usually in this part of the setlist, I would be singing Cherry but tonight, I wanted it to be a bit more special. I’ll be singing Don’t Let Me Go. A song I wrote back late 2012’s. Luckily, Mitch and Charlotte already know how to play it.” (A/N This makes me sad ugh)

Don't let me

Don't let me

Don't let me go

Cause I'm tired of feeling alone

“Can’t believe you know this guy, babe! He’s amazing!” Robbie crosses his arms as he takes a sip of his beer.  Y/N holds onto the rail, trying to not breakdown. “Hey, Are you crying?” Her boyfriend reaches out to her as she watches Harry looking at them. She doesn’t think he can see them but the way he kept glancing at the area she was in, he knows she’s here. 

“Yeah, it’s just a really sad song.”

“Ms. L/N?” A woman with a headset approaches the couple. 

“Yes.” 

“Hi, I’m Amanda, Mr. Styles would like you backstage after the show.” Robbie flashes a big smile as he looks around them hoping no one is noticing their interactions with the lady. 

“We’ll be there.” Robbie cuts in as he wraps his arm around his girlfriend. Y/N tenses up as she awkwardly smiles back at him.

“Actually, his instructions were very clear and he only wants Ms. L/N.” Her eyes widened as Robbie pulls away from her. 

“Thank you.” She smiles and glances back at Harry.

“I’ll have someone get you during our last song.” and with that, Amanda walks away while Robbie coldly glares at Harry who’s taking a sip of water as the song comes to an end.

“Is there something going on between you guys?”

“No.”

“Why does he only want to see you? You never even told me how you two met!”

“Okay, Robbie. Calm down. I’ll explain later. He and I are just friends.”

~

Y/N follows the boy down the hallway as she hears Harry’s fans chant out his name. It’s been months since she had seen him and if she was being honest, Y/N never thought she would again. But Jeff sounded so sad and concerned about him that she wanted to see him. Despite breaking all her ties with him, She still thinks about him every day.

Y/N looks at the TV screen and notices the lights were now on and Harry and the rest of his band were off the stage. Robbie is probably sulking as he walks to his car right now. She thinks to herself.

The door harshly opens as Harry comes in all sweaty. “Hey.” Y/N waves at him as she quietly sits on his couch. He takes his jacket off and hugs her without another word. “You’re so sweaty.” She couldn’t help but laugh as she feels his familiar embrace. Maybe, laughing would ease off the awkward tension. 

“I missed you Y/N.”

“I missed you too H.”

“I never thought I would see you again.” He sits on the couch beside her and runs his hand through his hair.

“I’ve always been excited to see one of your shows live.” She couldn’t help but brush her hair out of her face. Here is the man she was falling in love with. The man she chose to forget. 

“How did Jeff get in contact with you? I tried calling your number a few times and it wasn’t in service.” Harry bit his lip at his question. He knew full well he called her number at least three times a day.

“I keep in touch with Glenne.” She watches Harry scoff. “What?”

“You can keep in touch with her but you can barely talk to me?”

“Our trip to London was a sign that we shouldn’t be together, Harry.” Y/N couldn’t help but get flashbacks from her traumatic trip. She was so excited to meet his family, only to find out they already hated her before she stepped foot inside their house.

“That trip was not how it was supposed to go. I had plans to make you so happy.”

“That’s funny since the only plan that came through was me finding out you started talking to Camile again.”

“Did you mean what you said to my mum?” He ignores her last comment as he watches her carefully. She shrugs her shoulders in confusion then it suddenly hits her… he’s talking about London. “I heard it all.”

“Oh.” She looks away from Harry and stares at the pattern of the rug in his change room. “Yeah, I meant every single word.” Y/N plays with her cuticles trying to keep herself from remembering that sad trip. 

“I’m sorry about what happened. Camille was a big part of my life and I wanted to start seeing her again. Not like romantically but the way I still talk with Kendall.”

“It’s okay. I think it needed to happen.” Harry’s eyes flash in confusion. Last time, he spoke to her, they were so sure that this relationship would work out. Now, she’s managed to change her whole idea about them and that hurt a lot. Especially since she’s all he thinks about.

“Why would you say that?” He stands up in anger.

“Harry. Your mom and sister hated me! You clearly have or had feelings for Camille and you were going on tour We wouldn’t have worked out!”

“Are you blaming me?” He crosses his arms. He was offended. 

“No.” Y/N rubs her face in frustration. “It was nice what we had, Harry. Believe me but now we can’t be together.”

“What? Why? Because you have that stupid prick as your boyfriend?”

“Yes.” Y/N stands up as well, preparing herself to leave. He grabs his journal from his vanity and opens it. He flips the pages as Y/N watches him in confusion. 

He rips random pages out and crumples them. He takes her hands and forces her to take them. “I’ve been in love with you! Goddammit, just take me back!”

“Harry…”

“Look, I have more! I’ve been writing about you every day. I’ve been writing songs about you.” He looks at his journal one more time before closing it and throwing it on the floor. “I wrote this whole damn book about you!” 

Y/N begins to cry as she watches the strong man she has always known break down in front of her. “I can’t… Harry. Please.” He goes on his knees and takes her hands full of crumpled paper. 

“You never even gave us a chance baby. Fuck, I should’ve stopped you the moment you walked out that door. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Y/N couldn’t bare herself to look at him as she feels his hands on her.

“You should have gone with me to the store that day. I should’ve shown you around my town! Now I can barely talk to my family because they remind me of who I lost. What I lost!”

“Harry. I don’t want this anymore. I’ve always been scared of our relationship. I can’t handle this.” It’s true. She watched romantic movies her whole life and the more she admired those types of relationships, the more she didn’t want one herself. Y/N knows her life isn’t a movie but if Rachel McAdams cried her heart out during The Notebook while in character, she can’t imagine what else Harry can throw at her so she can experience that type of heartbreak. She needed a clean break from him. Robbie was her safe choice. 

“I love you, please.” He shakes his head in frustration. “I dream about you. I think of you. I need you!”

“I can’t!” She shakes her head as she tries to help him up. She takes the crumpled paper and runs to his vanity as he stands behind her, confused. She eagerly tries to flatten them out. She bends down to grab his journal and tries to place each page back in the book. 

“What are you doing?” He approaches her. “Those are for you!”

“No Harry! These are for you. I need you to keep these. I need you to remember us.”

“I need you to remember us.” He whispers and grabs her wrist to stop working. “You forgot about me.”

“I had to. I needed to.” She looks at the mirror and watches his eyes in the mirror.

“I thought we were stronger than this.”

“It’s been five months. You should move on too, H.” She pulls away from Harry and continues to fix his journal. She remembers the nights he would write in the leather book. How calm he looked. How happy he was. 

“Just admit it then! You took the first problem that occurred and used that to leave me!”

“Fine! I did! I admit it!”

“You’re just as bad as me then!”

“You were in love with Camille!!”

“Then why do I feel like dying every day ever since you left me!”

The silence makes Y/N’s heart beat faster as Harry finally lets out his last thoughts. He takes hold of her hips and pulls her in close to him. He glances once at her lips then stare at her eyes. 

Y/N didn’t know what to do. Her mind was screaming at her to pull away from him and leave but her heart wanted something more. Ironic enough, that familiar thump in her heart has always been present. The guilt she felt when she first started dating Robbie. The ache she felt when she watched Harry’s interviews late at night. Now, it was asking for something different. Something more. She holds onto the back of his neck as she kisses him. Harry pushes her back onto his vanity, helping her sit on it. 

Lips so familiar. Taste so heavenly. A scent so intoxicating. He needed more. She missed him. 

“I’m sorry fuck I’m sorry.” Y/N pulls away and pushes his chest a bit lightly. 

“Tell me you don’t love me anymore. I’ll let you go.” He lets out. He was hoping that it wasn’t true. This would be the only way to trap her into admitting that she wants to be with him again. He’s selfish. It’s true.

“You know that wouldn’t be true.” Harry’s heart skips a beat.

“So, stay with me. I need you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“I love you but I can’t.” She moves off a bit and hops off his vanity. She takes a deep breath and looks at him. “I think you’ll find someone for you.”

“Do you love Robbie?” He ignores her last statement. Truth be told, Y/N doesn’t. She began dating him two months ago and all she thinks about is Harry. 

“Yeah.”

“You’re lying.”

“It doesn’t matter if I’m lying! Harry, please don’t let me go through this again.”

“I’m sorry. I just hate seeing you walk away from me.” She gives him a soft smile as she takes her phone from her pocket.

“I have to go. Robbie just texted me. He’s angry.”

“Will I ever see you again.”

“Probably not.” 

“So what? You’re going to keep avoiding me from now on?”

“I think I might have to. Take care H. Take care of yourself, please.”And with that, Harry watches Y/N walk out of his life for the final time. 

He takes his journal and walks to the couch. He lazily slouches as he takes a random paper out. It’s about her, of course, it is. He places the sheet on the top of his heart and closes his eyes. “This sucks.” 

Maybe, this was the closure Harry needed but for some reason, his heart was hurting more.

part trois

[spookysquish13]

THE START

The Start Author Note: Hi guys! Im Morph. I wanted to try my hand in some writing. I didn't know where to start with JJ and saw someone wanted Pop Punk JJ. Pop Punk used to be my life and felt that this was actually meant to be. -- This seems shorter then what I wanted, but I didnt know where to stop or start or any of it.

*ps. i got locked out of my old account and am reposting my works.*

The start "I swear to fucking god Chris, I'll turn this fucking car aroundShut the fuck up" beach boy mccafferty WARNINGS: Drug use, moving, mosh pit, circle pit, blood

After years of hard work things changed drastically in the last few months. You were moving to the outer banks. You found an apartment and an old good friend from way back when, who's lived there for some time is going to help you get your bearings.

---

You spent all day with your friend, Charlie, helping you unpack and decorating a bit. You moved into a decent 2 bedroom apartment. It has a nice sized living room, your tv stand is a long 9 shelf cubed bookshelf, which allowed room for your movie collection with room to grow. There is a little patio in the back with a grill, and a cute little kitchen with a pantry out-cove.

There is enough room for some people to comfortably stay over while having space to move around. Nothing spectacular but good enough to call a new home.

In the bedroom you have the regular pinterest decor, headboard and footboard with lights wrapped around the spindles. In the second room you have a futon and a little record player corner, with some old records you found at thrift stores on the wall. In the living room you put out a polaroid camera so when people come in you can take their pictures. A way to remember some memories. You took a picture with Charlie when she received a text. While you are hanging the picture on the wall where the camera is located, Charlie screams and runs into your room looking through your closet.

"WE are going to a show tonight!" Charlie says trying to pick out outfits for herself and for you. She tells you to go shower after moving in this heat you need to be fresh for the concert.

---

You settle on a state champs t-shirt that you bleach tye dyed yourself tucked into ripped jean shorts with black matte doc martens. Doing your hair in space buns because they are freaking cute, and minimal makeup. Winged eyeliner, mascara and some liquid lipstick.

Charlie comes out of the bathroom running around gathering her stuff as she tells you that our ride is here. In the old van you see many heads already in the back. Charlie climbs into the passenger side and the side door slides open for you to get in. Charlie introduces you to the driver, Kie and points behind her saying that the two boy's names were Pope and JJ. Pope was studying from some book and JJ was finishing rolling a joint.

Pope looks up from his book and offers you his hand. "pleased to meet you" "Same here" You shake the boys hand and chuckle at him trying to read in the dark.

You offer your hand to JJ but shuffles around trying to do a two handed task with only one hand. You apologize and he ends up giving you the typical dude-bro sup nod, which you return. JJ tries to offer the blunt to the entire car, pope refusing, saying something keeping a channel clear? Clean? Kie said no because she's driving, Charlie says no thank you but you say yes and you could see the surprise on JJ's face.

When you get there you have to buy tickets at the front booth. Kie bought the boys their tickets and you bought Charlie's for all of her help.

You didn't plan on sticking together, so you push through the crowd and you go up to the point of were the mosh pit would eventually start. To your surprise everyone followed you through. Once the main band came on the pit opened and you felt the freedom you were desperate to feel after this move. It was good to be in the pit, no one knew names and no one really paid attention to faces. You could be anyone you wanted to be during this time. How you looked while dancing didn't matter, there was some guys on the floor scooting around pretending to be in a row boat. You felt safe even though there was nothing but chaos. People were always polite and looked out for girls in the pit. During one of the heavier songs there was a circle pit opening and you started to run. You lost footing, clumsy as always, but there were veiny tan arms around your waste as soon as you started falling.

"I got you" JJ tries to not yell too loud in your ear. Where his hands were, your skin immediately turned into fire. It felt like his hands were burning into your skin. You have never felt such electricity from another being ever before. You were speechless, as you two just met. You could just nod in response.

After the song ended, you went to get a water, not being in a concert for a while took more out of you than you expected. You saw JJ coming up next to you, and you shout make it two. You pay for the waters and he walks to go outside, making sure you are following him.

"Hey, Y/N, right?" JJ asks after drinking almost half of the water bottle at once. "Thank you very much for the water"

"It was the least I could do, you saved me from being boot mush." You chuckled at yourself, couldn't you at-least try to sound cooler.

"I heard you just moved here, Charlie is a good friend of Kie, Charlie is a good friend of yours, by proximity you are close with Kie. I protect my friends." there was a darkness in JJ's eyes, a different shade than before. The color did something to your heart but shook the feeling off. You just met this boy, take it easy. In this light you could see his lip had a scab on it, which was now bleeding.

"Hey, did that happen in there?" You point to your lip as he goes to swipe his own.

"Fuck, no, it just opened back up. Im tougher then that a circle pit isn't going to make me bleed" JJ chuckles and rolls his eyes, flexing his muscles through a grey long sleeve t-shirt. Which is he now using the hem as a napkin to brush some blood away.

"Lets head back" JJ nods to the entrance doors, holding one for you.

You knew you would follow this man named JJ anywhere and you just met him. You wanted to know where JJ got that busted lip from. You wanted to know more about this group. The way JJ talked about his group, it felt like it could be the family you have always wanted.

What else could come with this move? This might have been the best choice you have ever made in your entire life.

[janicho88]

Come Back

Paring- Dean x Reader

Summary- You push Dean away when a monster attacks, and end up with a small injury instead of him.  How does Dean repay you? By telling you to get out.  Where will you go, what are you going to do now?  Will you find your way back, or does fate have other plans? 

Warnings-Lot of angst, Little, I mean little fluff in this one. Language, just a few words.  Angry Dean, upset reader,  Major character injury and hospitalization, possible brain injury.

A/N This story decided to take its own course.  It was only going to have a smidge of angst, and well this happened.  I’m sorry. There will be a part 2. 

It had been a rough hunt, you all thought you were on a salt and burn for a vengeful spirit terrorizing a retreat. Turns out it was a couple of werewolves changing their tactics, picking off the participants.  One of the werewolves took you all by surprise when it snuck up behind Dean and grabbed for him. You quickly pushed him out of the way as the werewolves claws came down, tearing through your side.  The boys quickly fired off shots taking out that one. Turning they quickly got its friend who came at you next

Dean never spoke to you as you all cleaned up the mess and left.  Sam had helped you quickly with your cuts and you headed back to the bunker. Exiting Baby, and walking inside you barely made it into the War room before Dean started yelling at you.  He told you how reckless you were, how you were going to get them hurt, and you were in the way.  They would be better off if you weren’t hunting, or around anymore. When you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore you responded with a ‘fine’ and headed to your room.  You collapsed crying on your bed, you just hadn’t wanted Dean to get hurt.

It was well past midnight when you had calmed down, you began gathering your belongings in your duffel bags.  If they boys didn’t want you here, you would leave.  You left a note for Sam that just said, Be safe.  Heading to your car, you tossed your things in and took off for Jody’s.

A week later Jody had heard the boys were on a case nearby.  You didn’t want to chance running into them so you left quickly to take a hunt in Washington. That had been the last time you talked with Jody.  You didn’t want to risk talking to the guys friends, and making Dean even madder at you.  Since you left neither of them had tried to contacted you. 

You were on your own taking hunt after hunt, to the point you didn’t care if you made it.  You had been friends with the guys since you were kids, had moved into the bunker two years ago, and been fighting your feelings for Dean for years.  It had been just over two months since you left, that was the longest you had ever gone without talking to one of them, it definitely hit you hard.

You were in Minnesota, and had to break down and ask Donna for help with a Vamp’s nest.  Donna hadn’t seen you in a while and when you got out of your car at the motel, she had to hide her shock. There were dark circles under your eyes, it looked like you hadn’t been sleeping much if at all,  and you definitely had lost weight.

“Hey lady, how are you doin?” she asked.

“Fine, Donna.  Thanks for the backup on this.  How have you been?”

“You Betcha! Good, all good. Saw Jody and the girls last week.”

“How are they?”

“They’re all good.  So um have you talked to the guys..”

“Don’t go there Donna,” you interrupted.

You two went to the office and got a room to share. You had a little bit of work to do on the case before you could hit the nest.  After splitting up and gathering information from police and victims you met back at the hotel.  Putting everything you had together you were ready for the next day, and Donna went to sleep.  While she was out, you sharpened your machete, and looked over your plan again before crashing for a few hours.

The next morning went well in regards to you both making it out alive, uninjured was another story. You only made it out because Donna had quick reflexes.  After beheading 5 vamps you were slowing and missed one behind you.  Donna turned just in time to take it down.  Neither of you had any serious injuries, a few bumps, bruises, and you had minor cuts where one of the vamps had gotten a hold of you and bitten.

 Cleaning up back at the hotel Donna got on you about taking better care of yourself.  You told her you were fine and walked into the bathroom shutting the door.  Donna was asleep when you came out after your shower.  You wrote her a note thanking her for her help and telling her you were sorry, but had to get on the road.  You walked out and hit the road alone again. 

It was a few weeks later when you got a call from Jody.  Alex’s birthday was coming up and they were going to have a party at Donna’s cabin.  She really wanted you to join them.  You told her you would try, but were unable to make any promises. You weren’t going to bring them up but had a feeling the guys would be there, and you weren’t sure if you were up to seeing them.  Sam had texted you a few times, but you hadn’t responded.  Dean never tried to get a hold of you.

Day of the party you pulled up to the old cabin, sure enough, Baby, was parked amongst the other cars.  You sat staring at the cars debating what to do.  Go in for Alex, or let the fear of running into Dean keep you away.  A tapping at your window had you jumping in your seat  Turning your head you saw Sam standing outside your car.  Opening your door you exited the car.

“Hey, I wasn’t sure if I should come out or not. After a half hour passed without you getting out I figured I would come see you before you just drove off again.”

He gave you a hug and you said “Hi, Sam.”

“That’s all I get, hi?  You have been gone four months without a word.  How are you, where have you been?”

“I’m fine, been here and there.”

“Y/N, come on.”

“What do you want me to say, Sam?  I was told to leave, that you both would be better off!” 

“You know how Dean gets after one of us gets hurt, especially if it is to  save him.  He was worried, yes, he took it out all wrong.  He misses you, we both do.”

“I highly doubt that,” you respond walking past Sam toward the cabin.

Entering the house Jody and Charlie were the first people you ran into. The fiery red head quickly wrapped you in a big hug, Jody quickly following.  You spoke with both of them for a few minutes, catching up on what you missed over the last few months before moving further into the cabin.  You were searching out the birthday girl when you headed toward the kitchen.  As you rounded the corner you saw Dean in there and quickly turned the other way.  Back already turned, you missed the way Dean’s head shot up with a hopeful look that fell swiftly when he saw you were retreating from him.  

Walking back into the living room you saw Donna talking with Alex and Claire and joined that group.  Donna and Alex both giving you a hug, while Claire gave you a “what’s up runner?”.

Claire had been talking about a hunt she went on with Jody, while Alex filled you all in on her classes and work.  When Donna went to check on Dean who was in charge of the grill, and Claire was occupied by Castiel, Alex asked if you wanted to join her out front.

“What’s wrong birthday girl?”

“I just needed some air, too many people in there for me.”

“Well it is a party, you know, for you.”

“It’s a party I didn’t want.  Love you all, but I’m not the big party type.  You are the reason for the party, my birthday is the excuse to get you here.”

“What are you talking about Alex?”

“We all know what’s going on with you, you are avoiding everyone.  So we came up with a reason to get you to come around.  Jody bought me concert tickets to agree.”

“I’m fine, there was no need to do this.”

“Yes, there was.  We are all worried about you, Dean especially.  He’s constantly talking to Jody and Donna about you, a get together was his idea.  We just added the why.

“Dean made it clear, he doesn’t want me around.  The man never even tried to contact me, and you and Sam want me to think he cares about how I’m doing.”

“He really does.”

“I can’t do this,”  You turned and walked back in the cabin to grab your coat and keys, it was time to go.

Donna and Sam were standing near your coat when you went to grab it.

“Hey where are you going?” Sam asked.

“Time for me to go.”

“You barely got here, it’s Alex’s birthday, stay awhile.”

“Right it’s her party you apparently threw because of me, I need to go, don’t worry about me anymore.”

Dean saw you grabbing your things and heading outside.  “Y/N, Y/N wait please!”

“I don’t want to talk to you, why should I Dean?”

“I need to talk to you please, stop!”

You stopped walking, but didn’t turn around.  “Why know, after four months, why do you suddenly care about talking to me?”

“I have always cared about you, I didn’t think you would have left or ignored us for the last four months, I never thought you would have been hunting on your own.”

“You told me you were better off without me!  Did you really expect me to stick around?”

“I was an idiot, I figured you would have ignored me for the night, maybe the next day.  When Sam said you were gone I called Donna and Jody, and Jody said you were at her house.  I thought you would stay there for a few days, then come home.  We took a hunt close by, I was going to come get you and apologize, but you were gone.  You’ve been running nonstop, you need a break! You and I both know you shouldn’t be hunting alone.”

You just stood there with you back to Dean, not answering him.

“Forgive me, don’t forgive, hell don’t even talk to me anymore!  I don’t care as long as you come back, and I know you're safe and not hunting alone. Please Y/N!”  You turned around when you heard the break in Dean’s voice, and there were tears on his face to match.

“Please, don't run again, let’s go back inside.  When we leave tonight, I wish you would come back to the bunker.  If you can’t do that at least go to Jody or Donna’s, don’t go back on your own.  I need to know your safe,” he begged.

“Why do you care about where I am now? You said it yourself, I’ve been gone four months, if you really wanted to know where I was or talked to me you could have tried calling.”

“Sam called you, you never answered.”

“Right, Sam did.  But never you, you didn’t care where I was!”

“NO! I was worried sick about you! If you’re not going to answer Sam, why in the hell would you answer ME? I called other hunters and asked if they saw you to let me know without telling you.  I went after you so many times, but by the time I got the call and got there you were gone.  That Vamp’s case you took with Donna?  I woke her up at 2 am pounding on the door, but you had already left.”

“You wanted me to leave, and I didn’t want to stick around your friends get yelled at from you again.  I don’t want to put them in any more danger by being around me like you said.” 

“I was mad that night because you got hurt.  You got hurt trying to save me.  I would rather a monster went after me than you any day.  It would kill me if I lost you.  These last four months have been worse than my four months in hell, but at least I knew you were alive.”

Stepping closer to him you asked, “Dean, why do you care so much about what happens to me, Sam I get, he’s your brother.  Me, I’m just your friend.”

“You used to be me best friend, then I did something stupid.  I fell in love with you.  I couldn’t do that to you though.  You deserve better, and if I ever did anything about those feelings you would have a big target on yourself.  Not to mention I couldn’t lose my best friend, when she didn’t feel the same.  So I did what I needed to keep you safe, I tried to push you away.  This last time I pushed you too far, I never wanted to push you out of the bunker.  I hated hurting you, but I just couldn’t let you get close.  Then I lost you anyway.”  Tears were falling from both of your faces now.

You walked closer to Dean, putting your hand up to stop him from talking, “Can we go back to the part where you said you fell in love with me?  Do you still feel that way?”

Instead of answering you Dean moved your hand and crashed his lips into yours.  Neither of you pulling away until you needed air.  “Does that answer your question?  Does that mean I’m not the only one who feels this way ”

“Yes to both.  But it also doesn’t mean you're off the hook Winchester.  When I leave here, I’ll do what you asked, and not go off on my own.  I will go back to Jody’s.”  Dean’s face fell at that.  “I won’t shut you out this time.  I think we have some talking to do before I come back to the bunker.”

“You’ll come back?”

“Eventually, I think so.  I’m not going to promise you something I don’t know if I can keep.”

“Why don’t you just come back now?”

“I know you, you know you, I come back now and we don’t settle anything.  We get back to the bunker and we end up falling in bed. You hurt me Dean, and I’m not over that yet.  I need some time to process all this, we need to work through this before jumping in.”

The two of you headed back inside to join the others.  Sam came up when Dean went back to check the grill he abandoned.

“Does this mean you are coming home with us?” Sam asked with a smile.

“No.”

“Wait, what?  I saw you two outside.  It looked like everything was good between you?”

“Okay, one, you really need to work on this peeping Tom thing you have going on.  Second time today you’ve watched me through a window buddy.  Two, things are better.  I’m not ready to come back yet.  He hurt me, and I need to work over everything he said to me today.  When we leave I’m going to go stay with Jody.”

“Please don’t shut us out this time.”

“I won’t, your brother and I have a few things to talk about.”

After the party you headed for Jody’s.  Claire rode with you, while Alex was with Jody.  

“You know he is crazy about you right?  He was driving everyone crazy when you went off on your own.”

“What?” You had been lost in your thoughts and missed what Claire had said.  

“Dean, he went nuts when you left.  I know you two talked, Sam said you were making out.  So why are you coming home with us?”

“I need a little more time Claire.”  The rest of the ride was silent except for the radio.  

               Gif by soluscheese

You had spent almost two weeks at Jody’s. Dean had called you every day to talk, the two of you talking about the day, hunts the guys took, one you went on with Claire, much to Dean’s dismay.  You had talked a few times about the fact Dean really didn’t want you hunting, but that was only because he was worried you would get hurt.  Almost every call ended with him apologizing for what he did, and telling you he hoped you would come back soon.  A few days after you arrived a bouquet of flowers was delivered, white and pink roses with carnations of the same color.  All your favorites.  The card said, ‘I can’t wait for you to come back home. Love Dean.’  

Jody had sat you down to talk about the whole situation with you.  You admitted you had forgiven Dean for what he said, and you understood why.  You were afraid to go back to the bunker, you just didn’t know why.  Talking over everything with Jody helped you see, you were scared to go back knowing how Dean felt about you.  Up until this fight Dean had been the one constant in your life, well except for his time in hell, and purgatory.  You knew how you felt about him, but worried that his feelings weren’t going to last.  Then what were you going to do?  Have to leave the bunker and lose your best friends again? You really did love Dean, and you owed it to him and you to give this a chance.

You had been putting your things back in your duffle bag at the end of the second week, it was time to go home.  Your phone rang, but this time it wasn’t Dean on the other end, it was Sam.  

“Y/N, Dean’s in the hospital and I can’t reach Cas.” was all you heard before dropping to the floor, Jody took the phone and Sam filled her in.

 Dean had been hurt on their last case.  They thought there were four demons, they had those taken care of and cleaned up.  They were back at the motel when one smoked into the little cleaning lady and grabbed Dean.  Sam had gone out to grab dinner and came back to a trashed hotel room and Dean gone. Luckily his phone was in his pocket and he could trace it.  By the time he found him the Demon had beat him up pretty bad.  He had multiple cuts, and bruises, they were worried about internal injuries and were running tests now. 

The hunt was in Nebraska, just a few hours south of where you were, you grabbed the bag you had been packing and ran out to your car.  Jody wasn’t even out of the house before you pulled out of the driveway.

You made the drive much quicker than usual, a call to Sam gave you the floor and the room number Dean had just been transferred to.  When you arrived up there Sam met you in the hall Dean was on the ICU floor so only family was allowed in the room.  Sam had told the nurses you were his wife so you would be able to enter. 

Walking up to his bedside you could feel the tears sliding down your face again.  Talking to Jody yesterday you were so worried about what would happen if a relationship didn’t work and you lost your best friend.  You should have been thinking more of what you guys do, and how that could take Dean from you any day.  You had been in love with Dean for years and wanted this more than anything, why had you fought it.  Now you might never get that chance.  Sitting down in the chair beside the bed you grabbed one of Dean’s hands with one of yours and the other ran through his hair.  Leaning up slightly you placed a kiss on his cheek, careful to avoid the tube running out of his mouth. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t come home with you when we left Donna’s.  I was fighting us, and I never should have done that.  You are it for me Dean Winchester, I just need you to wake up now.  Please Baby, can you wake up for me?”

The only response you got was the steady beat of his heart on the hospital machines.  Sam came in and sat in the chair on the other side of the bed, both of you waiting for any sign of Dean waking up. Sam told you Dean had gone into surgery before you got here.  They had found some internal bleeding which needed to be repaired, he had lost a fair amount of blood and also needed a blood transfusion, it didn’t appear any organs were damaged.

 A neurologist came to talk to you a few hours later.  Both the MRI and CT scan of Dean’s head showed slight swelling around the brain.  This could just be bruising and go down before Dean wakes up, from a concussion, or something more.  They would be keeping an eye on him, but until he woke up there was no telling how bad it was.   

Both you and Sam spent the night in the hospital, with no changes appearing in Dean.  A nurse and doctor came to check him over and asked the two of you to step out for a few minutes.  Sam convinced you to go to the cafeteria to at least get a coffee or something.  Walking back to Dean’s room with Sam’s coffee and your hot chocolate, you saw the doctor leaving the room.  When he looked up and saw you he came over to talk to both.  

“His vitals are getting stronger, still weak but better than yesterday.  We don’t want to take him for another CT scan right now, so I can’t tell you if the swelling has gone down.

“When will he wake up?” you asked.

“That’s hard to say.  If he keeps fighting it could be a few days, although if he takes a turn there is a chance he may not wake up.”

Sam had to grab you with his free hand to keep you from falling when your knees buckled. Dean, might not wake up.  That couldn’t happen, he had to come back to you.  The two of you headed back into the room to sit and wait.  Going back to your chair you grabbed Dean’s hand in yours once again, and pleading with him to please wake up.  It had fallen to Sam to keep Jody, Donna, Charlie, and Garth appraised of Dean’s condition.  They would have been there in a heartbeat to see him, but wouldn’t have been allowed into his room.  You couldn’t bring yourself to talk to anyone.  Although you kept praying to Cas, who had yet to appear. 

The fourth day sitting in the hospital you caught Sam watching you.

“Yes?”

“I’m just wondering what you are going to do when Dean wakes up?”

“What do you mean?’

“Are you going to run again?  I don’t know if Dean could handle that.”

“No, I was actually packing my bag to come back when you called me.  He’s it for me Sam, I can’t lose him.” you tell him with tears in your eyes once again.

Two days later your head was laying on the bed, with your hand holding Dean’s when you felt movement.  You jerked up so fast Sam jumped at your reaction.  Looking down at Dean’s hand his fingers were starting to move.  

“Dean? Baby can you hear me?”

“Dean, it's Sam and Y/N, can you hear us?” Sam ran to the hall to get a nurse or doctor.

“Please, please wake up Dean.  Come back to me.”

Sam came back in the room followed by a doctor and nurses, who pushed you back from Dean.  He was slowly becoming more coherent, when he started fighting the tube in his throat they pulled it out.  Sam and you were in the corner watching, hoping this was it, Dean was finally coming back to you.  They checked his vitals, everything looked good.  Someone went to get him ice chips another got him readjusted.  Since he was awake they were moving him to a room soon, and the neurologist would be in to check on him.  Dean had yet to say anything but you all figured it was because his throat was so dry from days without drinking.  You took the ice chips from the nurse so you could give them to Dean.

Watching the last of the medical staff clear out you gave Dean an ice chip and turned to him with a smile.

“I am so so happy to see you’re awake and okay! I was so afraid I had lost you,” you tell him as you lean down to kiss him.

“I’m glad you're excited to see me Darlin.  Um..  Who are you exactly?”

Part 2

Tags- @talesmaniac89 @malfoysqueen14​  @whatareyousearchingfordean​ @emoryhemsworth​  @superfanficnatural​ @flamencodiva​ @winchest09​ @deanwanddamons​ @katehuntington​ @anathewierdo​

[amylillian22]

What If I Never Get Over You (Part 1) - Chris Evans Imagine

Summary: Y/N’s performing with her band for the first after their long hiatus. It’s also the first time performing since her break up with long time boyfriend, Chris Evans. Everything goes smoothly until she sees Chris Evans in the crowd right before she sings a song she wrote about him.

Word Count: 1,807

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader, Cody Christian x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of heartbreak

Author’s Note: Based on Lady A’s “What If I Never Get Over You” (Click on the title to listen to the song on YouTube.

Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics to the song - which are in Bold & Italic - and belong to the song writers, Jon Green, Laura Veltz, Ryan Hurd, and Sam Ellis.

[Part 2] /// [Part 3]

I pulled the curtain back a little bit, letting me catch a small glimpse of the small crowd tonight. People were sitting and talking amongst themselves as they waited for us to start the show. My eyes flickered to the table I had reserved for my boyfriend and two of my closest friends, who were all laughing. My boyfriend, Cody Christian, turned in my direction and his eyes immediately locked with mine. He smiled and mouthed, "good luck. I love you."

I smiled back at him. "Love you too," I mouthed back.

"Hey, we're about to go on stage," Dave said. "You ready?"

"Whoa! Are you okay?" Charles asked. "You look a bit nervous."

"I'm fine," I swallowed the tightness in my throat, hoping my nerves would also go away. "I mean this is the first time we perform together in a couple of years. Not to mention, we're doing an acoustic show for our new album. I'd say 'nervous' is an understatement," I slightly lied to my band mates.

All of that is true. Our band, Lady Antebellum, took a couple of years off due to weddings, children being born, and me dealing with the hardest heartbreak I'd had ever experienced.

Chris Evans was the love of my life. We dated for 7 years before he broke up with me 4 years ago. We were high school sweethearts. I saw his career explode once he became Captain America. He was there when Lady Antebellum started in Charles' garage and slowly turned into a platinum recording, award winning country band. We supported each other. I tried my best to attend most of his premiere events. I always left a concert ticket for him at Will Call when my band was playing in a city he was filming. We made it work. We fell in love and I swore he was the one.

"Hello, everybody!" The announcer spoke through the speakers, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Welcome to a very special night. Not only is this a one of a kind acoustic show, but Lady Antebellum has also decided to record tonight's show for an acoustic album, which will be released before the holidays."

The crowd cheered and clapped at the surprise announcement. I took a deep breath as Charles handed me my microphone. I plugged in my In-Ear monitor plugs and closed my eyes, taking it all in.

"Please welcome to the stage, Lady Antebellum!"

The curtains pulled up. I forced a smile as several spotlights hit us, not letting me see most of the crowd. I looked to the far left, my eyes immediately landed on Cody. He didn't like that I picked the furtherest table to the side. He wanted front row seats, but I needed to see him. I needed him there in case I got nervous. I needed to be able to see him, knowing he would put me at ease.

"Hello, Boston!" Charles said over his mic as he sat down on his bar stool.

"How are we doing tonight?" I asked and sat in my bar stool next to Charles. I made myself comfortable as the crowed hollered with excitement.

Dave's fingers started moving on the piano. "We hope you enjoy this piano and acoustic show tonight."

Over the next hour, we sang our new songs and talked in between almost every song. We either talked about how the song came about or talked to the crowd. We let some of them ask us a couple of questions. It went smooth sailing. I had forgotten how much I loved singing and performing in front of a crowd. I was ready to hit the road in a couple of weeks and get back to singing in sold-out arena shows.

"Y/N, do you kind of want to tell the crowd about our last song of the night?" Charles asked me. He grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, knowing I would need some support.

I looked over at Cody, and he gave me a small nod. I knew he was telling me it was okay. Although he knows I love him, he also knew the story about this next painful song.

I took a deep breath. "We have all experienced heartbreak at some point. I thought I did until the last breakup I went through. It's no secret who I dated in the past and when that happened, I was in a very dark and miserable hole. I know some of y'all were devastated when we took a break from the band, but I needed that time to heal, mend, put the pieces back together to try and get back the person I used to be.

"So, after a few months, I grabbed a pen and some paper, and everything I felt, thought, and wanted to say came flowing out," I finished.

"When she showed us the lyrics..." Dave trailed, "I was blown away. I could feel the emotions and rawness with every line. Charles and I were there for Y/N, and we thought we knew what she was going through," he shook his head. "We didn't know to what extent until we read the song. You could feel what Y/N was going through. Its painful, yet relatable, even if you've never experienced a painful heartbreak."

"When I got home after Y/N showed us the lyrics, I hugged my wife. I was internally grateful she has never broke my heart and wanted to spend her life with me forever," Charles added.

"Heartbreak is never easy," I said. "But it doesn't last forever. Always remember there is a flicker of hope, even in the darkest places," I smiled looking at Cody.

Dave started playing "What If I Never Get Over You" on the piano. Charles pulled the microphone to his lips and sang the first verse.

It's supposed to hurt, it's a broken heart But the moving on is the hardest part It comes in waves, the letting go

My eyes flickered back to Cody, getting ready to sing the chorus. Except, my eyes landed on the man sitting alone at the table behind Cody. My heart dropped to my stomach as I hadn't seen him in years. Truthfully, I wasn't expecting him to come. I didn't tell him either, but old habits die hard. I had left 2 tickets at Will Call for him.

When did he get here? Has he been here since the beginning of the show? Did he purposely sit behind Cody, knowing I would see him? I thought to myself.

"But the memory fades, everybody knows, everybody knows," Charles must have known I was distracted, because he grabbed my hand once more and squeezed it, signaling me to sing the chorus with him.

What if I'm trying, but then I close my eyes and then I'm right back Lost in that last goodbye, what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do? What if I never get over you?

I took a deep breath and fought against the tears that were starting to form in my eyes as I sang my verse.

Maybe months go by, maybe years from now And I meet someone and it's working out Every now and then, he can see right through 'Cause when I look at him, yeah, all I see is you

I closed my eyes, seeing flashbacks of my relationship with Chris. All happy memories of us laughing, traveling, stealing kisses, having fun together, and loving each other. I felt a tear drop sliding down my cheek as I sang the chorus again with the guys.

What if I'm trying, but then I close my eyes and then I'm right back Lost in that last goodbye, what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do? What if I never get over you?

I finally opened my eyes, my vision completely blurry. I fought the tightness in my throat, hoping my voice wouldn't crack while singing. I looked at Charles as we took turns singing lines with the next verse, matching our harmonies together at the end.

What if I never get over? What if I never get closure? What if I never get back all the wasted words I told you? What if it never gets better? What if this lasts forever and ever and ever, I'm tryin'

Dave's fingers stopped moving along the piano when I stopped singing. The entire crowd was dead silent; you could hear a pin drop. I could see a couple of the fans with sad looks on their faces. I looked over and saw Chris' eyes filled with tears. I closed my eyes and I was right back to the moment that broke me.

"I can't do this anymore," Chris said. "You're an amazing person, but-"

He looked at me with tears in his eyes, unable to finish the sentence as if that would kill me and not his first sentence, 'I can't do this anymore'.

"I'm sorry," he said, leaving me in the pouring rain with no explanation and a broken heart.

I slowly opened my eyes and wiped away the fallen tears with the back of my hand. It hurts. Singing this song, especially with Chris in the crowd, it was like my wound had been reopened again and I hated it. I didn't want to feel this way. I don't want to be reminded of all the good and bad memories. How is it possible to still feel this way years later?

I bit my lip and nodded, signaling the boys I was ready to finish the last verse. I closed my eyes as I sang the first note.

But then I close my eyes and then I'm right back Lost in that last goodbye, what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do? What if I never get over you?

What if I gave you everything I got What if your love was my one and only shot What if I end up with nothing to compare it to What if I never get over you?

I opened my eyes. I stood up from my bar stool and walked off the stage as the crowded clapped. I rushed passed the announcer, down the side stairs, and made it out to the floor. My eyes stayed focus on one person as I made my way through his table. Chris swallowed hard, noticing I was headed towards his direction.

I stopped in front of Cody, who immediately stood up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. With my eyes never once leaving Chris', I whispered in Cody's ear, "please don't ever leave me. I can't go through this again."

Chris got up and left without looking back at me. I closed my eyes, letting more tears fall as I sniffled. Cody held me close, tight, yet so gentle; reassuring me he would never hurt me like Chris had in the past.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #423

“i won’t think about you when i’m older  /  ‘cuz we never really had our closure”

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? Neither. Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? No. Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? My late grandmother's husband stayed overnight when he was driving from New York to Florida or the other way around, idr. How many long term relationships have you been in? Two. Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? My snake's heat lamp stays on. Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? My dad. Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I don't think I've even heard one of her songs. Do you know your blood type? A-. Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. Have you got your period at the moment? I haven't had my period since I started TMS. It's honestly so fucking frustrating that it obviously had an effect on my body, but not my depression. I've officially finished TMS as of a few days ago and now I just feel so void of hope. Have you ever been pregnant? No. How old were you when you first went on a plane? Idr, I was a little kid. Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Not me personally, but my parents have for my education that I threw away. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. I don't see my dad a lot, but he's still in my life regardless. When was the last time you went apple picking? I’ve never been. Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? Happiness. Have you ever been drunk at school or work? I have not. How many bedrooms are in your house? Three. Are you smart about computers? Not really, no. Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? Yes. My sister loved them, so we have a few. Do you own a Xbox 360? No. I'm a PlayStation girl. Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? No. I'd be mortified. So, do you need a nap? I really should take one. I slept like... maybe three hours last night. I was up most of the night having a fucking life crisis. What would you rather be doing? Something fun. What sport are you the best at? I haven't touched any sort of sport since I was a teenager. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Do you complain a lot? Kind of, but I generally try to keep it in surveys nowadays. I'm just tired of shit. Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? Ohhh, tough pick, but I've gotta say the ancient temple. Do you like fruity or minty gum? Both, really. Are you looking forward to any day of this month? Well July is practically over, so I'll answer for August. I'm looking forward to my nephew's birthday. Have you ever gotten detention? A few times for getting too many morning tardies in high school. Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? Definitely. Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? Powerwolf did recently. Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why meerkats do not make good pets whatsoever. Do fucking not get one. I can barely fathom how it's legal in some countries. Ever cried so much you threw up? No, but I've gagged. Who is your best guy friend? Girt. What do you two do when you hang out? Mostly just watch TV and play board games. What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? I dunno, really. Do you even like horror movies? I love horror movies. Do you live in the country? I wish I still did. :/ Me and Mom hate hate hate living in these suburbs. What is your favorite accent? British. Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No. Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? Coke. Pepsi is gross. What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? I was literally in the psych hospital for my 21st birthday lmao. It's kind of a painful memory, but I also won't forget the love and kindness people showed me. I especially remember the friend I made there getting the lunch lady to literally go and buy me a slice of cake. Everyone also sang happy birthday to me and gaaaah I'm getting emotional. Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? That was my dad's drink of choice when he drank. Do you take a lot of pictures? Unless I have my camera and am somewhere pretty, no. What kind of face wash do you use? Water, lol. Does drama always seem to follow you? Nah. Does anybody in your family race? No. Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom. How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” Uhhh... I want to say $2 or something? I might be way off, idr. How long do you want to live with your parents? I WISH I could have moved out with an s/o already, but that's just not how life's worked out. Do you have a laptop or desktop? I have a laptop. Do you like your parents? I love them. Do you secretly like someone? It's not a secret, no. Would you ever date your best male friend? Tried that once and it didn't work out. I liked him more as like a brother. What are you currently listening to? "Better Than Me" by Hinder. I really need to turn it off, but I can't make myself. Do you want to be single? I really wish I had a partner to love and motivate me to strive to do better, but I know it's better I'm single right now. I'd just relive the Jason situation, I'm sure. I'd just drag the person down and lose them. Did you go out or stay in last night? I'm almost always at my fucking house not doing shit, so. Have you pretended to like someone? No, that sounds pretty stupid... How is your heart lately? Hurting. A lot. Are you wearing socks? I hate wearing socks and I'm in bed anyway, so no. What do people call you? Britt, mostly. Do you get stressed out easily? VERY. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? No. What is wrong with you right now? Where the hell to begin. Do you own something from Hot Topic? A lot. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? With someone, so long as the bed is big enough to comfortably fit two of us. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No. I'm certain he wants nothing to do with me. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Sadly. Did you get any compliments today? Definitely not. I look and feel like a wreck right about now. There's nothing to praise me about. Have you ever gone to a beach? Many times. What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? Unless it was an edible, no. I'd do almost anything to try and make me feel better right now, even if just for a little while, but I'm unwilling to smoke anything. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? HELL no. Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Honestly, no. Do you have long nails? No; I never do because I have an awful habit of picking at them. Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. Do you generally look nice in photos? HA. Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? No. What colour are your father’s eyes? They're dark brown. If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? Ozzy, duh. Name three facts about your family? We're very, very spread out geographically, some of us (in other words, me) are emotionally distant, and uh... idk. Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? Only if it was a certain person, our lives were more on track, and we were making plans for either of us to move soon. What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received? Probably this really long letter my mom wrote for me on my bday a couple years ago. What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? I played the flute for many years, all through middle school and through much of high school. Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? Carve pumpkins, for sure. Do you think you’re important? I don't fucking know. Probably not. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Idk. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? *hands over thick book* Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. My hands are way, way too shaky to ever accomplish that. Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. What was the first thing you ate today? Well, I was seriously depression-eating last night, way past midnight, and had a peanut butter sandwich. If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? LET'S NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT RIGHT NOW. If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? "Falling apart." I've lost direction, motivation, strength, hope, just everything. What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? I need a fucking shower so bad that it's embarrassing. I just can't move. I have no energy, emotionally or physically. I just can't make myself do it. Is there anything that you wish you could take back? So, so badly. What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? Actually reaching goals. Losing weight. Healing my legs. Knowing with certainty that I wasn't emotionally abusive to Jason. Moving out of this town and back into the country. Financial stability. A job I thoroughly enjoy. I could go on, but let's not. If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? God, let me take back shit I said in that fucking letter to you-know-who. It's so hard to believe I once thought it perfectly justified and realistic. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't have any plans of changing the style in the foreseeable future. I want to color it BADLY. To just SOMETHING. Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? I'm like, a lightning-fast typist. Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ No; my best friend in HS was, though. Her GPA was fucking insane. I was in the top percentile, though, so I was up there. What the hell happened to that girl. How many drugs are in your system? If we're including prescriptions, a whole hell of a lot. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Jack shit. Like usual. Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. Do you call anyone baby? Excluding my pets, no. What’s your current mood? lol if you've gotten this far reading, you can make an educated guess. Do you think you are a good person? Bro I just don't know. What were you doing before filling out this survey? I was playing WoW. How late did you stay up last night? Like, 4:30 or so. When was the last time you cried really hard? I wanna say like a week ago? Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No. It still badly needs a trim, though.

[online-vibes]

TW:// SEXUAL HARRASSMENT

these men right here scarred me mentally to the point i can barely fall asleep at night. kinda like right now.

before i go into detail, I will say this, I was a fan of them for 3 whole years. In the midst of those 3 long years, I went to every event they had occuring in my state. I used to listen to their music daily and had a fan account, in which I no longer use. Point being, I was a basically a stan of them and tried to defend them majority of the time. However, if you know this band, you would know they had a lot of bs going on behind the scenes. To sum it up, they weren’t innocent as they appeared. I knew that. But, I swallowed my pride and stood by them like a lost puppy until late June. I will not go into detail about the allegations the surface, but know that I believe every victim that came forward. And I bet you can guess what this post is going to be about.

It’s really hard for me to type this right now, but this has to be said to protect other minors who is a fan of them. Also, if you don’t believe me right now, I suggest to stop reading at this point because what I will be discussing is 100% true.

In 2018, I was sexually harrassed by Edwin Honoret during the funktion tour.

If you went to the funktion tour, you would know that they had meet & greets & early entry vip passes. At the time, I scored meet & greet passes at the last minute before my concert so I was geeked and nervous. This would be my first time meeting them(as a whole) so you can only imagine how I felt.

When it was my turn to greet them, I instantly froze. Like, I deadass stared at them for a couples of minutes, until Edwin spoke up, asking if I wanted a group hug. I eagerly nodded my head, though nothing came out of my mouth due to the fact I was on the verge of passing out. And so we all gathered together in a tight close-knit hug. However, in the midst of this hug, one of the guys, Edwin to be exact, nearly grabbed my butt when he wrapped his arms around my waist. I nearly froze when this happened. I waited until they pulled away to quickly explain my pose and tried to convince myself that didn’t happen because no one wants to admit that they have been basically touched inappropriately.

It’s 2020 now. It took me 2 whole years to talk about this because I really push this horrid memory at the back of my brain and basically pretended like everything was fine. When in reality, I was drowning. Hence this post. I didn’t think anyone would believe me. I told my family and was basically victim blamed by my mother. “These things happens at those type of concerts,” She said. I understand what she meant but at the time, I just wanted her to express some sort of compassion towards me. I didn’t recieve that. I really wanted just one person to believe me.

But, the story doesn’t end there. That same night, Nick Mara wanted me and a few other minors to go backstage with him. I wish I would’ve caught it on video but I was too perplexed and thought it was a joke. In retrospect, he was most likely serious. It all happened so fast. It was only me and a few other girls who were most likely minors at barrier taking pictures, trying to relieve the night. We see nick appear backstage. He notices us and waves then suddenly motions his hands towards backstage as if he’s saying: “come back here.” The other girls giggled, yet I only nervously laughed. I had an eerily feeling behind the ordeal, yet again, I shook it off. Now it all makes sense. That man only cared about one thing and it doesn’t matter if they’re a minor or not. He needs serious counseling & a jail cell.

Moving forward to the previous year, 2019. My dumbself bought not one but TWO meet & greet tickets to the fomo tour. I was suppose to meet them in my current state & two other states, but thank god the show after mine got cancelled.

Anyways, I wasn’t half nervous as I was meeting them this time due to my sleep deprivation state. (I was outside for 8 freaking hours, queueing). If you went to the fomo tour, you would know about the outrageous rules they had. One of them being that you couldn’t pose with them, in which all of us eventually did. Basically, they were required to give you a group hug when you first walk in to meet them.

Well, when it was my turn, I wanted to stand in between two memebers, so I had to politely to Brandon to switch with someone, but he wouldn’t. Edwin saw this yet he kept insisting on me to join their little group hug. Eventually, I did and Brandon did move, but I could tell he was a little moody. I don’t know if it was because of me or not. Just before leaving my m&g, I accidentally tripped over Brandon’s shoe, nearly losing my balance and gave me an attitude apology. Yet again, I was perplexed to say anything so all I did was smile and nod.

Look, I know he probably had something going on that day and I respect that, but that fucking moment replayed in my brain until the damn concert started. Also, I don’t believe that he was in a bad mood at all. I just think he didn’t like me. I asked someone how her experience and mentioned brandon and she said he was completely fine. I’m not saying he’s a bad guy because we all have our days but, he needs an attitude check. For some reason, I always felt like we wouldn’t get along because he seems so shallow. You can call me dramatic, I don’t care.

Now, you can choose to believe me or not. I really don’t mind. I wouldn’t do this just for the hell out of it. I’m trying to let you all know who you’re really stanning. I know what I mentioned probably “isn’t that serious” or that I should get over it but that’s not how trauma works. This summer has been hell for me. One moment I’m fine then the next I’m drowning again. I’ve been groomed before so this situation literally triggered old memories I didn’t even know I had. I can’t even listen to their music and even reading their damn tweets gets my heart racing as if I’m going to pass out.

I apologize if this post is really long. I just needed to get this out. If you’re looking for proof, meet them yourselves & you will eventually see. Maybe they’ve changed. I highly doubt it, considering Edwin is back to his manipulative tatics along with Nick’s ignorance to the whole ordeal. I can’t even speak on the other three. But I will say this, be careful who you become a fan of. Do not stay silent to try to protect someone who wouldn’t even save you in shallow water. It’s okay to speak out against your favs, even if it hurts their barely-there reputation.

[mothmonologue]

Storytime about the one Cavetown concert I've been to

So it all started with my friend I made in a summer camp being like 'so you know Twenty one pilots is coming to this festival this summer' and I was like 'wait you know Twenty one pilots' and she was like 'wait so YOU know them too oh wow let's go together' and I obviously agreed. Literally nobody I listen to comes near my country so this was like a one time chance and I knew it.

And we went to that festival. Earlier on she told me that she'll go to another show, Cavetown, after tøp finishes. At this point I wasn't very familiar with his music, I heard it here and there (like 'This is Home' and other more known ones) but as fair as I could tell it was pretty good. And I thought 'my friend likes him and she's cool so he must be cool too'.

So we had that Tøp show, it was a religious experience to put it short and WE GOT SO CLOSE TO THE DRUMS AT THE END and someone spilled their beer at me. After them, Foo Fighters was coming to the stage, so immediately after it ended, a lot of crusty old rockers started stomping in on us, so it was literally two crowds wanting to go to the opposite directions. And then there were some folks who were laying on the ground harvesting confetti. Do not lay on the ground in a crowd. Please.

And at some point I lost my friend. We were snapping each other, sending messages like 'where are you?' 'I'm at the main road. I'm holding my hand up' 'but you're small I can't see your hand' 'dammit I'll hold the flag up'. She brought a tiny pride flag and it kind of acted like a lighthouse at this point and I found my friend and we hugged. At this point people were STILL spilling in to the main stage so we decided it's best if we get away from there and discover the festival with our crappy one-day tickets.

Soo it's not a good thing to do at all but in order to be in the front row, we had to stay standing for 5 hours before the show started. I remember having a coffee and some kfc in the morning but that was it and it was like 8 pm. And tøp concerts tend to get very JUMPY and well it's a concert, it's exhausting (in a good way). So we looked for food. And some place to sit down, finally.

We didn't find any food. I mean we were surrounded by vendors but none of them were at a price us poor hungarian high schoolers could afford. So we decided to suck it up and I followed my friend wherever she wanted to go. Of course she wanted to go to the cavetown concert bc she still has energy for that???

So she led me to this grassy little field where people were sitting down and talking and there was a tiny ass stage and some guys were tuning in some guitars but my brain couldn't really process that information so i was like 'mmnice'. Then after some sitting and talking I remembered to call my dad because he was scared I might get kidnapped (?). I told my friend where I'm going. She nodded and stood up too with the rest of the people there and i STILL walked away, like a total oblivious dumbfuck.

I found a cool lil mattress next to some tents and the place looked quiet so I laid down on the mattress (trying not to think about what it was used for before me) and had a nice chat with my dad. Then I felt the ground moving under my feet due to Foo Fighters starting and I decided to go back to my friend.

Well I kinda bumped into a crowd. Naturally, I thought my friend was way ahead in the front bc she had a routine in this, I hadn't. And after I realised what kind of music Cavetown plays I also realised that 1) she'll be okay and 2) it's actually safe to sit down in the back. I was dead tired, I refused to jump. I rebelled at the world's chillest concert ever.

I'm already quite short so it doesn't make much of a difference - seeing shoulders or seeing legs. The people around me looked down, asking 'are you okay' and stuff and I was like yeah sure and then I had one of the best dissociating hours of my life. I remember Robbie commenting on Foo Fighters saying 'wow those guys are going really loud' and we were laughing because we were the loud ones like 2 hours ago. But now everything was like a soft fuzzy blanket of sound and everyone was friendly and there was no beer to be spilt on my head and nobody really cared about a young girl sitting down in the back row.

And then when the show ended I realised my friend was actually standing next to me all this time and she was the one asking if I'm okay. And we walked out of the festival, caught one of the last trains going home and we were just smiling. Not talking.

Weird, now to think about it. That day was all about seeing tøp. We put the yellow tapes on each other and she had lovely yellow makeup and we were so keen on telling EVERYONE we met that day that we're going to see our favorite band. And it was awesome. But I still remember Cavetown's show as the one I felt truly safe at. I don't know why. I just knew nobody will come dicking in to the crowd just because. Not to say anything wrong about tøp though. That was a traditional, blast-your-ears-off concert and I loved every minute of it, but the other one was just introvert heaven and exactly the thing I needed after that. They happened to happen at the right time, both of them, and I don't know who to say thanks for that but thank you, so, so, so much. Not to be cheesy - but that was the only day I felt truly happy that year.

And Cavetown is among my favorite artists now! Great!

That's all. I'm sorry if I bored anyone with this story, I just felt like telling it. I mean if you found it boring you wouldn't read this now soo...

Bye.

[spookysquishsworld]

The Start

Author Note: Hi guys! Im Morph. I wanted to try my hand in some writing. I didn't know where to start with JJ and saw someone wanted Pop Punk JJ. Pop Punk used to be my life and felt that this was actually meant to be. -- This seems shorter then what I wanted, but I didnt know where to stop or start or any of it. 

The start 

"I swear to fucking god Chris, I'll turn this fucking car aroundShut the fuck up" beach boy mccafferty 

WARNINGS: Drug use, moving, mosh pit, circle pit, blood 

After years of hard work things changed drastically in the last few months. You were moving to the outer banks. You found an apartment and an old good friend from way back when, who's lived there for some time is going to help you get your bearings.

 --- 

You spent all day with your friend, Charlie, helping you unpack and decorating a bit. You moved into a decent 2 bedroom apartment. It has a nice sized living room, your tv stand is a long 9 shelf cubed bookshelf, which allowed room for your movie collection with room to grow. There is a little patio in the back with a grill, and a cute little kitchen with a pantry out-cove. 

There is enough room for some people to comfortably stay over while having space to move around. Nothing spectacular but good enough to call a new home.

In the bedroom you have the regular pinterest decor, headboard and footboard with lights wrapped around the spindles. In the second room you have a futon and a little record player corner, with some old records you found at thrift stores on the wall. In the living room you put out a polaroid camera so when people come in you can take their pictures. A way to remember some memories. You took a picture with Charlie when she received a text. While you are hanging the picture on the wall where the camera is located, Charlie screams and runs into your room looking through your closet. 

"WE are going to a show tonight!" Charlie says trying to pick out outfits for herself and for you. She tells you to go shower after moving in this heat you need to be fresh for the concert.

 ---

You settle on a state champs t-shirt that you bleach tye dyed yourself tucked into ripped jean shorts with black matte doc martens. Doing your hair in space buns because they are freaking cute, and minimal makeup. Winged eyeliner, mascara and some liquid lipstick. 

Charlie comes out of the bathroom running around gathering her stuff as she tells you that our ride is here. In the old van you see many heads already in the back. Charlie climbs into the passenger side and the side door slides open for you to get in. Charlie introduces you to the driver, Kie and points behind her saying that the two boy's names were Pope and JJ. Pope was studying from some book and JJ was finishing rolling a joint.

Pope looks up from his book and offers you his hand. "pleased to meet you" "Same here" You shake the boys hand and chuckle at him trying to read in the dark.

 You offer your hand to JJ but shuffles around trying to do a two handed task with only one hand. You apologize and he ends up giving you the typical dude-bro sup nod, which you return. JJ tries to offer the blunt to the entire car, pope refusing, saying something keeping a channel clear? Clean? Kie said no because she's driving, Charlie says no thank you but you say yes and you could see the surprise on JJ's face. 

When you get there you have to buy tickets at the front booth. Kie bought the boys their tickets and you bought Charlie's for all of her help.

You didn't plan on sticking together, so you push through the crowd and you go up to the point of were the mosh pit would eventually start. To your surprise everyone followed you through. Once the main band came on the pit opened and you felt the freedom you were desperate to feel after this move. It was good to be in the pit, no one knew names and no one really paid attention to faces. You could be anyone you wanted to be during this time. How you looked while dancing didn't matter, there was some guys on the floor scooting around pretending to be in a row boat. You felt safe even though there was nothing but chaos. People were always polite and looked out for girls in the pit. During one of the heavier songs there was a circle pit opening and you started to run. You lost footing, clumsy as always, but there were veiny tan arms around your waste as soon as you started falling.

"I got you" JJ tries to not yell too loud in your ear. Where his hands were, your skin immediately turned into fire. It felt like his hands were burning into your skin. You have never felt such electricity from another being ever before. You were speechless, as you two just met. You could just nod in response.

 After the song ended, you went to get a water, not being in a concert for a while took more out of you than you expected. You saw JJ coming up next to you, and you shout make it two. You pay for the waters and he walks to go outside, making sure you are following him.

"Hey, Y/N, right?" JJ asks after drinking almost half of the water bottle at once. "Thank you very much for the water"

"It was the least I could do, you saved me from being boot mush." You chuckled at yourself, couldn't you at-least try to sound cooler. 

"I heard you just moved here, Charlie is a good friend of Kie, Charlie is a good friend of yours, by proximity you are close with Kie. I protect my friends." there was a darkness in JJ's eyes, a different shade than before. The color did something to your heart but shook the feeling off. You just met this boy, take it easy. In this light you could see his lip had a scab on it, which was now bleeding. 

"Hey, did that happen in there?" You point to your lip as he goes to swipe his own. 

"Fuck, no, it just opened back up. Im tougher then that a circle pit isn't going to make me bleed" JJ chuckles and rolls his eyes, flexing his muscles through a grey long sleeve t-shirt. Which is he now using the hem as a napkin to brush some blood away.

"Lets head back" JJ nods to the entrance doors, holding one for you. 

You knew you would follow this man named JJ anywhere and you just met him. You wanted to know where JJ got that busted lip from. You wanted to know more about this group. The way JJ talked about his group, it felt like it could be the family you have always wanted. 

What else could come with this move? This might have been the best choice you have ever made in your entire life.

Tags: @spicedhunnie

[kirliancamera1]

Rede Vamp Brazil (https://redevampirica.com) interviews Elena Alice Fossi of Kirlian Camera (English text attached hereunder) 🔥🔥🔥

Question 1: Be very welcome to AcessoRedeVamp, it's a true honor to realize this interview with you Elena Alice! You are a great singer and more every time we see you on stage your performance transmits great emotion and this electrifies all of us! You tell a real story with your performance and this is amazing and rare these days! At the same time, we perceive an expressive revolt against an old world and its stagnant postures. How have you handled 2020?

*** EAF – First of all, I wanna thank you for your words. Being able to communicate with the people who follow us is the most important thing to me. Singing becomes ephemeral if doesn't convey a message. Also for this reason I consider that the stage is the base of a musician, so you can imagine how I miss it. In this sense, it can be said that the category we belong to is very unlucky, not only because it's forced not to work, but rather 'cause concerts are pure lifeblood for a musician's soul. In any case, both Angelo and I can't stand self-pity people, so we immediately jumped into new musical projects, putting top concentration on composition. At any rate, we couldn't be simple observers of an event on this scale, so right from the beginning we tried to dig deep, looking for, and comparing news, data, statistics, whether they came from mainstream channels or from alternative sources. In Italy, for example, the economy has been torn to pieces and furthermore, the same politicians who mourn the dead on TV... cut so many funds for health facilities for a long time, so they may be considered taking part in such a mess. This situation has created a real drama, especially for families who have lost their loved ones without even having a chance to say goodbye one last time. But, it's also true that the worldwide exploitation of this pandemic has given us, we citizens, an opportunity to wake up. No need to use words such as anarchy or rebellion to understand that the old world is showing all kinds of holes. "Divide et impera" is the motto of several governments, so we citizens must not fall into the trap of making war on each other, each nonsense comes up! This is the time to show ourselves united. And, most of all, it’s time not to turn ourselves into servile dogs of a “Power” becoming more and more antidemocratic.

Question 2: Do you feel that the marks left by the year 2020 will bring some effective changes to this "abstraction" called humanity? Will there be a "new normal" or will we just return to an average 2019 when this whole pandemic passes?

*** EAF - If I’d been told about what we have experienced for almost one year, I’d have thought it was a joke, bullshit. But unluckily this is not the case. Such an event has brought much grief and is ruining the economic system of many nations, as already said. But in addition to the injury, here it comes the insult from the absurd and chaotic dictates imposed on us. I'll give you some examples of what's happening here in Italy. “Don't go out after 10 pm”. While people keep on getting sick or even dying, here comes the policeman with a ticket 'cause you left home for a goddam moment. I have this picture on my mind, of a person in pajamas, carrying the garbage bag full of stinking mussel shells at less than one hundred meters from home in a totally deserted night. At that point a flash on him. It’s the police who writes a ticket to that dangerous criminal. And then, for everyone's sake, the Christmas mass was moved from the usual midnight to 8 pm. How the hell can you think it's not a mockery? And... the last “gag”! Before Christmas, our Minister of technological innovation made an appeal to telephone companies so that video calls were free on Christmas days... But what year does she live in? But... is she not able to understand that in Italy almost everyone has either unlimited gigas or wifi? Nothing changes if the telephone companies for a couple of days give us video calls because we already use free services such as Whatsapp, Skype, Zoom, Telegram, and so on and so forth... Ok, in a vain attempt to avoid death, they are putting us in an induced coma! Seriously, all this offends our intelligence! And, when you realize you are inside a joke, you don't like to discover you're the main character, do you?! So, to answer your question, I couldn't foresee how a post-covid society will be reshaped, but the severe weakening that now is burdening us will have some major impact, no doubt. Currently, most folks are obsessed with fear, so are unable to reflect on the consequences of unconstitutional actions such as those foolishly propagated by many States. Furthermore, the pharma companies, the giants of the online shopping industry and many other powerful satanic puppet masters who are used to appear as philanthropists are ready to get their hands on everything, well pleased with the next “big reset”. So, after the pandemic, things will change a lot! For sure, from a human point of view, the feelings will be devitalized.

Question 3: Hologram Moon is a great name! Evokes conspirations like what really is the moon and this strangeness opens a vast creative field to find answers or even new questions... please tell us a bit more about this album, his name, songs...

*** EAF - "Fake is your face" is one of the phrases that most resonate in me when I sing "Holograms", or when in “Lost Islands” the old world said “Goodbye”! It's as if you had to face a new reset, as if you discovered everything you've always believed is swept away in an instant. There's the awareness that in the face of a new and suffocating truth, when the sky collapses, only true love can resist and guide you. In this sense, the final track of the album, “Travellers’ Testament” is a real stone on my heart, as it describes a fantastic journey to a planet. The astronaut is now impatient to fulfill his dream, but he will never arrive on that planet. The landing will take place on a space station. The moon landing's been questioned over and over again and certain evidence of the fact's inconsistency eventually seems credible. But we cannot say what reality is in any scientific way, especially when we're already prepared to believe a reassuring source. This is a simple starting point to embark on our history. More than finding answers, our sacred duty is to open the door to new questions, ask doubts, not take anything for granted. “Hologram Moon” is a purely poetic vision, but also a way to question everything. The mind can atrophy very easily. Habit, for example, can be complicit in this and the so-called comfort zone can be just complicit as well. The hypnosis that we suffer every day without realizing it, also grinding so many and bad TV shows, and so on... So, let's remain thinking and dreaming! This is a message from us.

Question 4: How was the experience of working with Covenant's Eskil Simonsson on the beautiful "Sky Collapse"?

*** EAF - We had come across Covenant several times before doing this collaboration; on festival occasions, in the dressing rooms... But it was a chaotic situation, so... we gave each other a fleeting smile, a kind greeting, but nothing more. Then, when Angelo and I wrote “Sky Collapse”, we immediately thought that a deep and sincere voice like Eskil's would add something precious to the song. Even before recording the two-voice song, we met at a charity festival. We had called him as a guest just to sing this song together, which was yet unreleased. He made himself available immediately. It was a nice gift for us and when the moment came, I think that on stage you could feel my strong emotion all the way down the hall!

Question 5: Well, I think now we will have our fan moment! Let's talk about some Kirlian Camera songs that our DJs and the audience of the REDE VAMP love it? Do I speak the name and may you tell a little about the meanings, influences, or a curious story?

*** EAF ***

>>> NIGHTGLORY. It refers to the triumph of the night, perhaps as a momentary spiritual retreat. I'm talking about that precious moment that regenerates your very existence into yourself. The music of this song was born in a symphonic form, very different from how Nightglory was then arranged. This is a song and an album that has been appreciated by many people only after some time, partly because of a promotion that described the album as the most commercial in our history, which is absolutely harmful and misleading. Invisible Front and Eclipse were even more listenable, for example... Sometimes words spoil your work. It would be better to listen to music only, ignoring its promotional presentation. Fortunately, Nightglory has recovered over time till becoming one of the most requested live songs of ours.

>>> BLACK AUGUST. In this song there are various hints coming out from a dark moment in my life, I mean a period that risked devouring me. Wounds that take time to heal. Sky Collapse can be considered the final act of that period, even if the music of the two songs sounds very different, as you know. Black August blends various stylistic dimensions in a single “body of music”, so many didn't know how to label it at the time, as it effectively goes running free, out of the box. A very atypical song that has gained some actual success despite its distinction, which has also brought us closer to fans of dark metal and so-called electronica.

>>> HELLFIRE. I chose this piece to add an echo to the dark period I was talking about above, in order to exorcise all that negativity, so we went to deal with a theme showing gospel traits but containing some demonic references in the lyrics. Then I didn't know THE 8th PRESIDENT was waiting for us at the SCARLET GATE OF TOXIC DAYBREAK, with his COLD PILLS! A wordplay whoever is following us will understand!

>>> K-PAX. I wrote this piece in a night when everything seemed dreamy and I almost didn't realize where I was anymore. No, I wasn't under the influence of drugs or alcohol, but all my memories were mixing in tremendous chaos that needed to reinvent itself and turn into an immaterial fog, in a light but lost dream. Angelo literally translated the music and melodies I had written on the staff, giving both them and my voice the perfect terms to guide the journey. In fact, it's not a complete and static text, but a sequence of dreamy and painful phrases at the same time. I felt that Angelo listened to me attentively since he knew how to translate my notes so perfectly into written sentences as if he were sending me back into my music. It was magical and at K-Pax Angelo and I discovered the other life of ourselves, bringing to light so many breathtaking emotions and it was just the departure, after the suffocating mists of Still Air, an album we love, and the crepuscular decadence of Stalingrad Valkyrie.

Question 6: There is a cover of Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd from Kirlian Camera that is a true work of art. The Mad World cover performed by Spectra Paris is fascinating. Are there more covers from other bands that you would like to record?

*** EAF - Well yes, there are ideas, but we prefer to evaluate which are the best. Meanwhile, I tried to produce a version of a Johnny Cash song and I made Angelo interpret it: I really like the result. It may be used by Stalingrad Valkyrie.

Question 7: I love your lyrics! What can't Elena be missing when creating new lyrics or musical arrangements? Are there any poetry, films, books, comic books, or other influences?

*** EAF - Mostly everything happens unconsciously. You don't know how many times I realize why I wrote a certain phrase only after a song was released! But I can say that my imagination works mostly by processing images. So, the movies are very helpful in this. Similarly, Angelo and I tap into imagery that could be part of the quantum physics new era, where multiverse and multidimensionality are both playing an important role. This world appears like a really tiny thing when compared to everything else.

Question 8: Elena, I read in an older interview about a "Young Ladies Homicide Club" I found an undeniable reference to the films Noir and the figure of the characters called "Vamp" and all the charm and spectral magnetism ... but I was a little curious. .. what is this "Young Ladies Homicide Club"?

*** EAF - Let's say I imagined an unreal club created by apparently dead or so to say "disappeared" models in order to get rid of fashion people who were acting a bit too naughty! The work to clean up that world wouldn't be lacking, as, after all, it happens in all professional areas. As for myself goes, I gladly opted in a flash and without second thoughts for singing and making music, leaving everything behind, buying a couple of synths and a decent microphone, which I then enriched with various electronic devilry, kicking away possible easy money, foolish nights, cocaine, heroin, stereotyped relationships, and absurdly worshipped wines! Every so often I like to play with the ridiculous and grotesque ghosts of some fashion designers, photographers, and evil spirits, then going to recreate noir stories in which everything happens. I also drew some digital comics with a noir-glam flavor, a few years ago... It was a fun pastime, while with Kirlian Camera I'd been exploring deeper and more fundamental universes.

Question 9: Is there more news on the way for the incredible Spectra Paris and also for Stalingrad Valkyrie? May you talk a bit more about them?

*** EAF - Stalingrad Valkyrie is a project I am very fond of, in a special way. So I insisted on getting it back to life after a period of hibernation which lasted too much in my opinion. "Martyrium Europae", the most recent album, proved me right, even if it’s not a commercial project. Well, it seems our listeners have appreciated the attempt to combine different musical sources in a unique style, certainly linked to the more symphonic and dramatic Kirlian Camera pages, but also quite free to express itself on his own, trying to avoid the most standard patterns of neofolk, progressive and industrial, without on the other hand completely ignoring their now distant origins. So, in its small way, the new album turned out to be a success and I'd really like this project to keep on living with further fresh ideas. We're currently working on a new chapter that will be released on vinyl and some digitals, which contains previously unreleased songs and versions.

Question 10: Elena, our Rede Vamp is a platform about Cultural Vamp and Vampires production ... and there is a question that our interviewees never escape. Is there a character or perhaps a vampire story that you never forgot?

*** EAF - Needless to say the vampire who most impressed me over time can't be anyone other than... Angelo Bergamini!!! Not many know that Angelo was the leading actor in a short film entitled "Himre Bakai", shot in the late nineties or so, directed by Antonio Bocchi, the later owner of the dark-electronic project Lux Anodyca and author of detective books. I don't think the film is regularly available or downloadable at the moment, but I know it was also screened at the time in various festivals and reviews, also getting some good feedback! Angelo (Himre) and Antonio told me that one day the film "will see the light ”, but at the moment... he lies in the dark, by the book, of course!!!

Question 11: Elena, thank you so much for your time and generosity! You and Kirlian Camera have many fans on our events and radio shows, please leave a special message for our audience! Are there plans for a new gig in Brazil after all this pandemic?

*** EAF - While it's true that we've never been able to play in Brazil so far, I'm sure your Land is actually right for us, 'cause I can feel that's full of feeling and passion, so we'd love to perform for you very much, 'cause in spite of the fact it's so far away, I feel a deep affinity and a certain familiarity with your world. And while we wait, confident that sooner or later we'll succeed in our aim, I wanna greet all those who had the kindness to listen to me, with a quote from the American scientist and politician Benjamin Franklin: "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

[mywrittingwonderland]

Row 11, seat 14 (Connor x Y/n)

Tori's (@shawnpetermuffins​) request on ConWhore Group :) Hope I fulfilled it okay ❤️

The last Blurb for now guys, we will have more soon, but I will focus on my OCs for a while :)

Word Count: 1,424

# Blurb week 1

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"What do you mean Blair, it says Row 11, seat 13 and 12 right here?" Y/n said, trying to reason with her friend. She was the fan that, not that Y/n wasn't. Can someone possibly dislike John Mayer? No. But Blair was The fan, she had all the Merch, all the CDs, and she followed every path of her idol. For Y/n that was a little crazy, but she couldn't complain, Blair liked some company in the concerts, Y/n got free tickets bought by her friend all the time. So amazing.

"Y/n, I understand that. But since we are late. We could just stay here. This place is so much better. Look," She pointed to the stage. The concert would start in 2 minutes, and they had just arrived missing the opening act. It was all Blair's fault, she keeps a long time finding the right Merch Shirt she should use.

"But B, this is not gonna work out. I mean, we are not the only people late to this. The concert is sold out." Y/n said, trying to reason with her friend.

"At this point, I don't care, I am staying here." Y/n laughed at that, then noticing her friend was telling the truth. "Come on, stop being the right Girl all the time, nothing will go wrong Little Y/n" Y/n sighed and just sit beside Blair writing for the concert to start.

It ended up being 15 minutes waiting, the concert was also late. When the first accords of the first song started to play, 2 girls stopped right in front Blair and Y/n.

"Those are our places," Y/n nodded and stand up, but Blair refused to do the same.

"Blair, we have to go. Now." Y/n said, more like screaming because everyone was at that point.

"But, y/n. They are late. It is not my fault," Blair said and pouted.

"Come on B, they will call security if we don't leave. Then you won't get to see him at all." She reasoned.

"Fine, let's find our seats," Blair said, finally waking up, but not before giving a death threat with her eyes to the two late girls.

They went up 3 more roles finally finding row 11, and it was not that bad. It even gave them a better view.

"Blair, I am never coming with you to one of those again, I swear to God…" Y/n started, but before she could finish, she was pushed so strongly by someone because she was obstructing the person's view that she ended up falling in a guys lap. "Oh my God, I am so, so sorry."

"It's okay, are you hurt?" The mysterious guy asked, checking on her. She made the mistake of looking at him before answering, and suddenly she got lost in his blue eyes. She kept staring at him until he asked her again. "It's something wrong? Did you hurt yourself?" She then shook her head no and got up, sliding into her proper seat. She looked from the side of her eyes to Blair, and she had a smirk on her face, but Y/n chose to ignore that.

"I am okay, thank you…"

"Connor," He said, extending his hand for her.

"Thank you, Connor, Y/n" She answered, extending her hand back to a weird handshake as they were both sit side by side. She noticed the guy had a camera around his neck, not any camera but a film camera, which supposed to be the same camera model she had been saving for months to buy.

"It's that a Lomography Lubitel 166+ ?" She asked, biting her lips.

"Yes!" Connor answered with a surprised tone. Not many people knew how to recognize old film camera models just by looking at it.

"I've been dying to buy one of those," She said, making him smile. She was pretty he thought, but then he shared his head trying to tell himself he shouldn't be having these thoughts for someone that just literally tripped on him.

"You should, it's amazing. Especially because of the…"

"4.5 triplet lens" She completed and blushed a little. "Sorry" She apologized for interrupting him.

"It's okay, it is not common to find people that know film cameras that well." He said they both completely ignoring the concert at that point. If it wasn't for everyone screaming around them, they could possibly just forget where they were.

"I know I double major in cinema and photography." She explained, and he nodded. "I know, a crazy girl that is doing 2 colleges with no prospects of getting money in the future," She said, making him laugh.

"I didn't think that at all. I work in photography. I major in physicology." He said, and she frowned confused. "I know, the undecided guy that goes to two completely different things," He said, making her laugh this time.

"I didn't think that at all," She said, repeating what he had said and making him blush. "I get it, it's amazing to understand how feelings work, and how sometimes a picture can show each and every feeling someone has hidden inside, and I guess if you study how people feel you can also see how they were feeling in your pictures." He nodded, surprised she really did understand.

"Not everyone gets it," He said, and she nodded.

"Not everyone gets my choice either," She said, turning back her attention to the John Mayer in the stage when Blair shook her arm.

"Isn't he the best?" She asked, making Y/n laugh and agree. "Don't think I didn't see you and the blondie talking. He is cute," Blair said without moving her mouth and still looking at the stage.

"B, I don't even know him!" Y/n said quietly in her friend's ear.

"Y/n, you didn't really know me when we met and look at us best friends now. My friend you have lots to learn about the flirting business" Blair said, making Y/n blush. She tried to focus on the concert, but she could feel his eyes burning her skin from time to time.

"I think my old Bro is growing up," Dylan said after seeing the interaction between Y/n and Connor.

"Shut up," Connor said, making his brother laugh.

"I am not shutting up, ask her number," He said, making Connor widen his eyes and shake his head. "Why not?"

"I don't even know her?" He said as if it was obvious.

"Connor, you should be the one teaching me that stuff not the other way around," Dylan said, and Connor looked at him confused. "Old Brother, that is how you get to know her. By going out with her. And let's be honest you did like her." Connor could have answered his brother, but instead, he looked at Y/n again and bitted his lip when she laughed at something her friend was saying. He whispered at the sound, not knowing exactly if it was John Mayers song messing up his heart or the sound of the girl laughing. He then closed his eyes and whispered before coming back to his brother. Dylan simply laughed at that and shook his head as for silent saying I already told you what to do.

Connor tried to ignore his heart, beating a little faster by seeing Y/n having fun singing and dancing with the concert. He also tried to ignore his hands sweating. But at some point, he couldn't, mainly because he was probably looking non-stop to the girl for the last 15 minutes. And he was sure she had noticed him because her cheeks were red, and she was so damn cute with her cheeks red Connor though and then closed his eyes for a second, debating what he should do next. He took a deep breath before turning back to Y/n again and calling her name.

"Y/n?" He nervously bit his lower lip.

"Yes?" She looked back at him.

"Do you want to hang out after the show? We could grab dinner…" He said, feeling stupid for suggesting dinner, dinner was maybe too formal. And again they didn't know each other. "I mean, not dinner, we could just walk and talk about pictures?" He nervously suggested and then closed his eyes for 5 seconds at how stupid he was again. "Or we could just…" he stopped when he heard her chuckle.

"I would love to go do something afterward."

- - - - - - - Connor Brashier Taglist: @tinycertain

General Taglist: @arypesanchez 

[runswith]

Travel notes: Italy (Florence). Entry 2 - Feb. 27, 2003

Florence. One busy bugger of a city. Not a huge, sprawling, monster of a population center like Rome. More compact. And overrun with (a) traffic and (b) tourists.

Overrun may be a strong a word to apply to the tourist situation here, at least at this off-season time of the year, but that’s how it seems to me. They’re everywhere. (Yes, I know I’m one of them.) And the city -- or at least the city center (the area around the train station, the area around the university, the areas with centuries of serious history) -- seems geared to cater to them. Unlike Rome, the city isn’t so enormous that it can absorb the furriners without them affecting the basic feel of the place.

At least that’s how it seemed to me yesterday. I spent a bunch of time walking, to the point where one of my little feet did some serious complaining last night, sporting an angry heel blister. (Despite me wearing well-broken-in hiking shoes. These things happen.) Groups of young Japanese women everywhere, gelati shops everywhere. And most of all, traffic, including the most intense concentration of scooters and motorcycles I have ever seen.

Yesterday afternoon: after plenty of poking around various neighborhoods, I found myself feeling surprisingly unenamored of the place. Went back to my teeny hotel room, pulled out a book, chilled. Darkness fell. I’d seen a handbill earlier in the day for a concert of classical music, decided to go. Went out into the evening, the city feeling a bit more sedate. Wandered off in the direction of the church where the concert was to take place. And found that Florence feels drastically different at night. Less people. More of a sense of how the city of narrow streets and centuries-old buildings feels. More of a sense of how life here must feel. Plus, you’re walking along minding your own business, you turn a corner, you suddenly find yourself confronted with enormous, ancient, genuinely imposing old buildings. Churches, cathedrals, palaces, all with a sense of age that goes far beyond what I’m used to encountering in normal life. Unless you live somewhere like here. (Or Madrid -- woo-hoo!)

Got seriously lost trying to find the concert, though not minding it very much, my feet taking me along empty streets, passing entrances to winding alleys along which I could see signs for small shops and trattorias. Reached the point where I could see the road that runs along the Arno River, the waterway cutting across the southern part of the city, knew I’d gone way the hell out of the way, turned around. Wandered further to the east, along more deserted streets, the only businesses still open being restaurants/bars. Followed impulses that led me further and further into a warren of narrow streets where I passed a sign noting Dante’s home (or birthplace). The concert was to be held in the Church of Dante (la Chiesa de Dante), I figured I must be close.

Followed a further narrow street, leading me past a different church in which a choral concert was underway. Asked the woman (in Spanish, natch) sitting at the table outside about the concert I was searching for. She spewed a response, pointing, gesticulating wildly. I backed away, continued on in the direction she seemed to be indicating. The next teeny street to the right -- dark, with few doorways -- had a small table and chair positioned by one building, a man with a briefcase exiting the street as I paused and peered through the shadows. He glanced at me, turned around and loped back down that street, stopping at the table where he stopped to stare at me as I approached. A pile of handbills lay on the table, similar to the one I’d seen advertising the concert, the sound of a violin drifted faintly from the building behind the man, who stood motionless, still staring at me. I said I’d had trouble finding the place, he simply stared, almost like a junior high school teacher radiating disapproval at a student who’d shown up late for class. I brandished the money for a ticket, he came to, gave me my change. Then he opened the door, looked inside and gestured for me to enter, putting a finger to his lips.

A small church, given a sense of large space by its vaulted ceiling. Centuries and centuries old, austere, with few decorations, little of the usual Catholic frufru. Some paintings, maybe a tapestry. A display of candles off to one side, three or four burning. Dark, cold. Two rows of two-person pews, one to either side of the space, all filled with people listening, except the last one on the left side where I parked myself next to its single occupant.

A heavyset woman with a large mass of dark frizzy hair stood up on the altar playing a Bach sonata. Just her, no accompaniment, the sound filling the space. She played with assurance, the sound of the instrument coming across like a voice, seamless and rich, the kind of sound that someone who really knows how to play the instrument can produce.

I hadn’t been to a concert of classical music in eons. And I’d never been to one in quite this kind of setting. Afterward, it felt strange to see people in sneakers, jeans, etc. walking out of the place, dispersing along the narrow, dark streets. I made my way back toward the hotel, saw the Duomo of la Piazza San Giovanni looming above the buildings, headed in that direction. When I emerged into the piazza, I found myself dwarfed by the expanse of ancient structures and open cobblestone piazza. As I stood there, a bit overcome, the male of a couple walking by asked me something in Italian. I turned around, saying, “Sorry, what was that?” in Spanish. He asked again, still talking so fast I couldn’t make it out, I shrugged and said “No sé.” (”I don’t know.”) They laughed and moved on, me with no idea what the moment was about. I wandered around the piazza taking the enormity and sophistication of it in, a few other people out, mostly couples. Then I headed back to my temporary dive.

Question: why is there a bottle opener screwed to the wall of my hotel room’s bathroom? Am I supposed to hang out in there and drink?