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#and i lived on campus then. now i live elsewhere and have to take care of my own meals. i think i'll waste away if i try to do all that
supercantaloupe · 1 year
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mm i don't know if i'll get to practice tonight...
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heartfullofleeches · 1 year
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can we get more Fratbro!Darling interaction with creep!yan? it was amazing
They don't belong here.
Why did they even come.
The ice in their cup has melted from the heat of their skin, but the punch's still too strong to drink. With how shakey their hands are, they'd likely spill it if they tried. People are watching them now - probably wondering who let the freak in. They've been in this situation before. Invited to places because it'd be too awkward to invite everyone in the group but them while most of them pray they'll just stay home. Maybe they should have. The whispers are starting again and they're getting closer. Here it comes-
"Oh, hey! There you are! I've been looking for you since I heard you were here. You got a minute?"
Someone pulls them from the obscurity of the crowd - dragging them into the spotlight on wobbly legs. A strong arm holds them steady as the uncomfortable gaze of their peers swallows them, a gentle squeeze to their bicep negating their rising fears.
"This is the person I was telling you guys about - the one that drew that picture you saw on my lockscreen. I'm telling you, Mickey has crazy talent. I'm glad so we met at that gas station a few weeks back... Would you believe they live right across the street?"
It's pretty obvious that nobody really cares, but enthusiasm is an infectious disease. They do their best to answer half-hearted questions and try even harder to smile. It's hard to fake emotions when your attention is elsewhere. Mickey stares at you, arm still locked around their shoulder, like the beacon of light you are. How did you manage to be so different? When you first met they thought you were just another fake. Someone who pretended to be their friend for whatever benefit it gave. You cared. You tried to get them to be more social and showed up at their apartment when they'd be absent for days. You showed genuine interest in their quirky little hobbies and always laughed with them instead of at them. You even wore the crow skull necklace they made for you. It's like you were already dating.
Your grin falters as you look over at your friend, the clacking of their teeth and goosebumps on their skin catching your attention. "Hey, Mick... Everything okay? You're shaking."
Mickey hides their face in the collar of their jacket. "Yeah.... fine. Don't worry about me."
They jump as your palm touches their forehead.
"Nah, dude - you're like really sweaty. I'll walk you home in the morning, but you should lie down for now."
Mickey starts to protest, but as you weave through the crowd, heading for the stairs - their lips are sealed. They always forget you live with this meatheads despite standing beneath your bedroom window every night. Where you taking then to your room? They can feel stares on them even now, but they feel almost... jealous. Mickey likes that feeling. They squeeze your hand tighter - heart stopping as you approach the door with your name taped to it.
Opening the door just a crack, you make sure no one is inside before leading Mickey in. You take their cup as you guide them to the bed. Your bed. They giggle to themselves as you walk away with their cup, pouring its contents down the sink in the bathroom and filling it with fresh water from the tap. You really were the kindest person they've ever met on campus - like any good spouse would be.
"How much did they give you to drink?.... Just drink this water and relax. Remote's in the bottom drawer if you get bored. I'll be back to check on you in a bit. Don't worry about falling asleep I'll just sleep on the floor or the couch."
Mickey blushes as your fingers graze theirs as you past them the cup, and the image of the two of you cuddled up in your bed. They take a few tiny sips before setting the cup on the table.
"T... thank you... I wouldn't mind if you slept with me. It's your bed afterall."
"True, but I wouldn't want you to be comfortable. Relax, we'll talk about it more when I come check on you. Be back in a few!"
Mickey watches as the door closes behind you. They wait for your steps to fade down the stairs, finger on their zipper as they disappear. Mickey unzips and throws off their jacket like it was restricting their air flow. They drop it to the floor along with their shoes as they crawl beneath your blankets - planting their head face deep in your pillows and sheets. They smell just like the conditioner you use. Mickey makes a mental note to raid your bathroom, but there's so much they want to do in such little time.
Your dirty clothes. Your closest. Your dressers. So many places - so little time. What should they do? What should they do- Steal the fragrances you wear so their room always smells like you? Take your toothbrush or a water bottle you've drank from for their first indirect kiss? Steal a shirt or maybe even your underwear to.... now's not the time for that, Mickey - your window of opportunity is getting shorted with every breath.
Mind racing, Mickey decides the best thing to do now is to claim their new territory. Mark your room as theirs just as their entire apartment has been overtaken by pictures of you and the things you've thrown out. They fish through their jeans for their keys - picking the hidden knife discreetly disguised as a key. Having overprotective parents had its perks - such as items of self defense they'd otherwise be put on a list for buying themselves.
They climb out of bed, crouching to the floor. The gap beneath your bed has just enough room for them to wiggle into. Compared to lockers they'd been shoved into it was like a luxury apartment. They lay flat on their back, dragging themselves below the bedframe - knife in hand. Eyes adjusting to the darkness, their hands search for the boards supporting your mattress and drives their knife into the first place plank their nails catch on - drawing the curve of a heart into the wood. Light bleeds into the room as they complete the second arch and angle their blades for the first letter of their initials, followed by startled gasps and halted flirts at the odd sight of feet beneath your bed.
"Is this room already occupied?"
Mickey clutches their key ring tighter.
"This is our room...... IF YOU'RE NOT GONE IN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS I WILL GOUGE YOUR FUCKING EYES OUT AND FEED THEM TO YOU!"
Mickey shrieks in laughter at the sound of slamming doors and footsteps racing down the hall. They've never raised their voice at anyone like that before. Love is a crazy drug. They carve their initials and yours beneath your bed, slithering from the opening and up onto your bed between the sheets for the best night of sleep they've had since they were young.
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plumbbobtoggle · 23 days
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LAUREN Hi! Hope I'm not interrupting?
JAKE Nah, I just didn't expect you to call. 
LAUREN I needed a break from studying anyway. The apartment looks great, I especially like the living area. Is it all finished now?
JAKE Pretty much! Everyone's helped out: Sawyer, and Margo, and August, and Vanessa - you remember Vanessa Weingarten?
LAUREN The girl you dated in high school?
JAKE I didn't date her in high school!
LAUREN Oh, my bad - the girl you volunteered with and had a huge crush on when you were in high school?
JAKE How many nice points do you have again?
LAUREN Ten, why?
JAKE Just checking! How is college?
LAUREN It's good! I like the classes so far - there's a lot of reading, but it's not a huge step up from AP. And there's so much to do on campus! 
JAKE That's cool. What about the people, you made any friends?
LAUREN A lot of the students in my dorm are freshmen too. I think they went to the same high school, they all know each other.
JAKE Oh! Does it make you feel excluded?
LAUREN Not at all! I just have a feeling like everybody is dating everybody, but they're very chill about it. There's no weird drama, which you'd expect, you know?
JAKE Yeah...you want in on the action?
LAUREN I mean, maybe? I'm good watching from the sidelines just now. I'm still figuring out who is whose cousin.
JAKE It's like the Griffins in Elsewhere!
LAUREN It's exactly like the Griffins in Elsewhere! ...I can't believe in about to be related to the Griffins.
JAKE I'm about to be thrice related to the Griffins!
LAUREN What's the third time?
JAKE My sister is getting married to Margo's brother!
LAUREN Oh yeah, I forgot! When's the wedding?
JAKE ...Soon?
LAUREN Do you mean you don't know!
JAKE I don't remember! They've been planning for so long I forget when it actually is!
LAUREN Oh my plum!
JAKE Is August going? 
LAUREN I don't know. How big is the wedding party?
JAKE It is family only, but Del did ask me about a plus one, and that must extend to all siblings. So Margo is probably bringing August.
LAUREN Oh, then Margo is definitely bringing August. Are you bringing your girlfriend?
JAKE Naaah...
LAUREN Is it okay to ask?
JAKE Well, I haven't introduced her to Mom and Dad, and I feel like my sister's wedding is not the time, you know?
LAUREN Yeah, no, I get it.
JAKE And like. I don't know what the long-term plan there is.
LAUREN Oh.
JAKE It's fine. We just. Need to talk, I guess. 
LAUREN Right. Plus. There's Vanessa Weingarten.
JAKE Stop!
LAUREN Alright alright. I'm going to let you go. Thank you for checking it.
JAKE Always. Good talking to you.
LAUREN Same! Take care.
JAKE And you.
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trans-advice · 9 months
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Hi! This gets a little heavy, which I hope is okay.
I'm a young adult, trans, and living in a red state. I don't have the means to pack up and move elsewhere. I'm old enough that I technically could have come out or taken steps to transition by now. I just haven't.
I'm the type of person who thinks about it for days if a cashier gives me a weird look. I need everyone to like me so much. The "authentic" me and the people-pleasing conformist are fighting. And the conformist is winning. (I'm getting a good grace in gender conformance, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve, lol.) I don't feel mentally healthy about it.
Keeping in mind that I'm surrounded by Republicans, it doesn't even feel maladaptive. It just feels normal except for the part where I'm never happy. I'm not brave, and any plan I make for my future has to reckon with that.
I don't know. Can someone please tell me there's hope for me?
Yes there's hope.
Personally, I think you're probably doing well on the "don't debate fascists/transphobes" PSA's from 2016, so take comfort in that. If you are not out, then maybe it will be easier to leave people, or at least move out to somewhere else. Granted, rent is high, but still, housing discrimination. If you can't move away then basically try to be away from the republicans you're surrounded by as much as possible.
Coming out was originally meant for new people within lgbtqia+ spaces, like bars & parties. Then from those spaces it got repurposed by people who already had ties to other lgbtqia+ such as communities, friends, or college campus version of GSA's (called lgbtqa which combined the lgbtq acronym with the soffa acronym). Point being, if you are surrounded by transphobes, and you don't have community ties yet with say t4t spaces or lgbtqia+ spaces, then do not come out. It take groups of people to oppress & it takes groups of people to undo that oppression. It would be wiser to figure out how to move from place to place, whether across state lines or not, in order to gain more access to affirming spaces, than it would be to come out like right now.
I'm not sure how what the range of bravery, but basically when people were like "don't debate fascists" online in 2016ish, that also means don't debate transphobes today. Avoid talking to them as much as possible. I would consider just travelling around until you get some plans for how to move away.
The thing is I don't think you're wrong to be thinking about people who give you weird looks, if anything I think channeling it into some action plans might be needed. I would pay attention to your physical vulernabilities & the layout of places so you can have an escape plan. In your example maybe remember who the cashier was & where you were at in order to decide whether you try going somewhere else. (Although scary to learn about, look up "fatal funnels" & "containment", they are easier to spot.)
If you can protect the pages from hostile eyes, then if you want it analog, then maybe a note book where you dedicate 1 page to an index of zipcodes & then you write encounters on pages with those zipcodes, maybe using google maps or something to find the zipcode. Lowkey I'm thinking of Loewen's Historical Database of Sundown Towns. (Because 'erf in english is white [supremacist] feminist in spanish.)
Likewise look into places where you can get away from Republicans would be a good idea. Like where are spaces where you can be alone that are relatively safe & that you can leave safely as needed? The mentality I'm talking here is the kind where you lay your head at a fast food restaurant table while waiting for your food & then getting up. Or where do people sneak out to take a smoke break. Whether you use this for rest, or for something trans affirming, is up to you. The point is to get yourself to spot opportunities for some refuge for some things. Basically this also applies to trying to so self-care so that you have less problems later.
Good Luck, Peace & Love,
Eve
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inkshadow · 1 year
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“That’s not —“ But the implication of her statement lingered in the air. Her outburst loud and clear even if she tried to redirect his attention elsewhere. Why would she care? Why give a single damn about some idiotic, self-centered, lazy jackass like him? There is nothing to gain. Nothing to really find illuminating aside from letting herself be sucked in by his stupidity and allowing this mistake to occur. The sooner she admitted what a mistake this was, the sooner she could leave. Add in how much of a waste of time he was. After all it’s not like he cared what anyone said. It didn’t trample on his freedom. Didn’t weigh on his mind for a second. He lived and breathed as he desires — “why don’t you care?!”, she shouts as hands shove him back but a wall of muscle is unyielding. Once where composure seemed king now patience frayed at the edges. A torrent of frustration crashing into her chest impossible to contain as envy gnawed its way deeper into her heart. He could do /anything/ he wanted. Live /however/ he wished and this is his choice? “You’re choosing to keep your head down like everyone else — and for what? To avoid some damn consequence?!” (Ayana)
it's her exclamation that has his pupils expanding, the outburst implying that she's bothered by the way he chooses to exist. his body hardly reacts to her shove but mostly due to the weight of her words versus actual physicality. why don't you care. why does it matter to her that he doesn't? unless — no, it couldn't possibly be. envy? that something as trivial as the words of others can simply cascade down his back like water headed towards a drain of empty threats? ❝ consequences? i'm capable of handling whatever consequences may come up... ❞ he's not finished speaking just yet, reaching a large hand out to rest on her head, effectively tipping it up to look at him. ❝ caring... implies that i have something to lose. and i don't have anything to lose anymore. ❞ simply put, the only thing in his eyes now is basketball. so long as he lives and breathes it, nothing else can get in the way because he has the ultimate control on the courts. everything — and everyone — else ceases to exist because acknowledging them will only introduce opportunity for heartbreak. for distraction. ❝ i really do feel sorry for you, captain, ❞ he adds, lowering his arm back to his side before taking a step forward to effectively shove her aside with his broad frame. ❝ maybe you should stop worrying about what others think..... for once. maybe then will you start smiling more around campus. ❞ / @lunarxdaydream
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lynxbatics · 11 months
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Vent incoming below... not a sensitive topic, it's just me worrying about career choices. I'd like advice if you could give it to me. It's kind of long so don't worry if you don't read it all.
I just... I don't know what I want to study. If it were up to me I'd love to be a concept artist for an animation studio but the fact is, I'm just not good enough. I don't put in the work to practice. And I don't change that about myself.
Even if I felt like I was at a good enough skill level... the job opportunities in my country for animation are extremely slim. I'd have to move to the US to do it and I'm not sure I want to. I want to live next to my family. And I want to make a good wage at a good job that won't exploit me. And looking at the industry right now... well I'm not sure that's feasible.
Ok sure fine, whatever. I won't study animation. How about design? It's still a creative option and it's a lot more financially secure than animation. And that's my current choice really! And in design there's two options: industrial design and graphic design. Industrial design is basically making products (more 3D) and graphic design is more 2 dimensional.
And I would love to study graphic design. But AI really, really scares me. And my mom... well she said "when I was younger, people who studied graphic design were people who had nothing else to study." And I'm scared of getting a degree that won't amount to anything because of AI and I'm scared of choosing something "useless" in the eyes of my parents. They've done so much for me and invested so much into my education. I want them to be proud when they tell other people "my daughter is studying ____."
So fine. No graphic design, even though I love designing 2D things much more than I do 3D stuff. I don't even know if I like product design! I've done it like twice. I'm not very much of a hands on person. I don't know. But it's still design and I like design so maybe I'll like it?
So I've had that choice for a good while. I felt confident in my career choice. It's creative and it's (probably) feasible for job opportunities. I know the job market for design is so much more narrow than for, say, industrial engineering. But I don't really see myself as an engineer. (I also wanted to study ecology but in the schools I'm applying to it's focused on sustainable engineering more than biology. So it's not as interesting to me. And I'm not going to leave my country so I can study elsewhere.)
But yesterday, a friend of mine got accepted into culinary school. And I feel like culinary school is like art school in a way. It's a very niche job market. It's not a "safe" career choice. And I just thought to myself... how amazing it would be to study what you want to. Without caring about the size of the job market or your parents expectations and I feel so frustrated with myself. I don't want to end up with a degree I didn't like getting. I don't want to be like my parents in that way. But I also want to have financial security.
And I also have to pick what school to go to. I have two very good options, A and B (that's just the way it is in my city, and also I've ruled out studying abroad). And university A is from the same institution as my current high school and I already got accepted. It's the school my parent's graduated from and it's the MOST prestigious university in my country. And the campus is so pretty. But university A leans more towards engineering and science, not the humanities. And they implemented a new learning model where you have the same core curriculum as a couple of other careers in your area for the first couple of semesters. (Say, if I applied via creative careers I would be taking the same classes as both types of design, art, and music students). And THEN you can choose what you want to study. And I think it's really cool because then I could take art classes and I could learn if I really want to study industrial design. And I'd graduate from the same university as my parents so there's also the matter of pride. But no one likes this new learning model! So most of my friends are going to study at university B.
And university B is really good too (not as prestigious as A but it's still great). And the thing with it is that it focuses on the humanities more than engineering. So they have these amazing facilities with all types of tools for industrial design. But the thing is, for this school you have to pick your career from the start. You can't pick "design" and then choose what type of design you want later. You've got to pick "graphic design" or "industrial design" from the get go. And I don't know what to pick!! But a lot of my friends are aiming for this university and I already have a couple of friends that go there so it would be great to take classes with them! But... I know this sounds super superficial and spoiled, but the campus is just not as pretty as the other school's. It's very... drab. Everything is grey. And the design school has this building that looks like a giant concrete slab in the middle of the mountains! And I hate it! There's no color at all! And I swear I never care about these things, I never do! So the fact that I noticed it and it bothered me means that it really is gray! And it's not just the outside of the building, the inside of it is really closed off as well. There's like, no windows! And it's all gray! I don't want to spend the next four years of my life inside a block of concrete!
But I don't know what to do. I know that focusing on the aesthetic is so superficial and I know that if I end up going there I'll get used to it eventually. But I'm already a student of university A's institution (by way of my high school) so I already have this weird loyalty to university A. But I also want to study at the place that's best for me. I want to study with my friends too! But there's also the fact of contributing the family tradition of being university A alumni. And my parent's aren't pressuring me to go there or anything but I know that in their time, University B was basically for people who couldn't get into University A (not anymore though, the academic level has increased enormously), so I know that they're very biased towards University A.
I really don't know what to do. I don't know how to make such a big decision for myself, I'm only a high school student! I want to get it over with so I don't have this worry anymore.
If you have any advice or just feel the same please leave a reply. I'd be really grateful.
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trylkstopocket · 2 years
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Gen Z is re-thinking college and career plans in post-Roe America: ‘I want to leave the country’
cnbc.com
There is an endless list of factors students consider while choosing a college: size, cost, campus life, proximity to home.
But since the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade in June — removing nearly 50 years of federal protections for abortions and giving states the right to make the procedure illegal within their jurisdictions — abortion access has become an increasingly influential consideration in students’ college decisions.
Of those planning to enroll in an undergraduate program sometime in the next 12 months, 39% said that the court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade will affect their decision to attend college in a particular state. That’s according to a BestColleges survey of 1,000 current and prospective undergraduate and graduate students conducted in July.
Similarly, 43% of current undergrads said that the overturning of Roe v. Wade has led them to question whether they want to remain in the state where they are attending college or transfer elsewhere.
In post-Roe America, location has never been more important to prospective and current college students deciding where to pursue a degree or build their career.
Confusion and fear on campus: ‘It’s a really scary time’
Growing up, Lexi McKee-Hemenway and her friends in Sturgis, South Dakota, traded horror stories about people in their neighborhood who wanted an abortion and couldn’t get one. McKee-Hemenway recalls once hearing about a pregnant young woman who couldn’t access an abortion and had a horse kick her in the stomach, hoping it would cause a miscarriage. She died from her injuries.
Hearing such stories terrified McKee-Hemenway and inspired her to fight for better local access to reproductive health care.
The 21-year-old, now a junior studying political science at the University of South Dakota, is the president of USD Students for Reproductive Rights.
The Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe in June triggered an abortion ban South Dakota lawmakers passed over 15 years ago that outlaws the procedure except when necessary to save the life of the pregnant person.
McKee-Hemenway says she’s been approached by several students since the start of the school year asking for help with obtaining an abortion — and with each request, McKee-Hemenway says she becomes “a little more convinced” that she does not want to stay in the U.S. after she graduates from college in 2024. “I want to leave the country,” she says.
“There’s nothing more unnerving than seeing the fear in people’s eyes that they will either lose their job or their parents won’t love them anymore if they get an abortion,” she says. “But that’s the reality of how people think and feel about abortion here.”
While South Dakota has always had restrictive abortion laws, June marked the first time the procedure was almost entirely banned.
“I have a lot of mixed feelings: rage, fear, disappointment,” McKee-Hemenway says. “Most of all, though, I have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that this is the United States now …. It’s a really scary time to live here.”
Abortion access is ‘dominating’ the college search conversation
Some college counselors are seeing a growing number of high school students factor state laws into their college decisions amid heightened concern from them and their families about the landscape of abortion in college towns throughout the U.S.
Kathleen Moore, the founder of Vox Cambridge College Consulting LLC, says one of her advisees, a soccer player, recently turned down an athletic scholarship to attend a competitive school in South Carolina, citing legislators’ attempts to pass more restrictive abortion laws in the state.
“He told me he wouldn’t consider going to school there on ethical grounds,” Moore tells CNBC Make It. “It’s not a decision students are taking lightly.”
Lexi McKee-Hemenway and Kyshea Koehler at an event hosted by USD Students for Reproductive Rights.
Photo: Lexi McKee-Hemenway
Moore has been helping students navigate the college admissions process for eight years. Prior to the court’s ruling in June, she says students and their families “rarely” wanted to discuss what a school’s stance was on reproductive rights was, or abortion access in the state.
Now, however, “it’s dominating the conversation,” Moore says.
“They want to know what the law is in the states they are applying, what statements, if any, school leaders have made on reproductive rights, and how accessible reproductive health care is near campus,” she says. “These are all questions hardly anyone asked me before the overturn of Roe …. It’s a huge change.”
‘The minute Roe was overturned, I felt like I became a second-class citizen’
Sam Goldstein had always dreamed of having a “traditional college experience,” the kind that she saw on her favorite TV shows growing up: attending a big university with a sprawling campus, football games in the fall and parties in beer-soaked basements.
She fell in love with the University of Wisconsin-Madison during her first visit to campus, and started school there in 2019 as a political science major.
Goldstein, now a senior, had planned on remaining in Wisconsin after graduation to pursue a master’s degree in public policy before Roe was overturned.
In June, when a near-total abortion ban from the 1800s went into effect in Wisconsin after the court’s ruling, those plans “went out the window,” Goldstein says.
The 21-year-old was in Wisconsin governor Tony Evers’ office, where she was completing a summer internship, when the news broke. “I was in shock at first,” Goldstein recalls. “I turned to my friend and I was like, ‘Is this a joke?’”
In the weeks following Roe’s demise, Goldstein says she often walked past throngs of protestors both in support of and against abortion outside of the state capitol building, while inside, the phones were ringing “off the hook” with calls from constituents who had an opinion on the ruling.
Harvard University freshmen rally in Harvard Yard on May 4, 2022 to defend abortion rights.
Erin Clark | Boston Globe | Getty Images
Goldstein decided that she couldn’t remain in Wisconsin for another two years to complete her master’s degree. Now, she’s planning on moving to Washington D.C. after graduation and applying for programs there.
“I’m a full-blown Wisconsin resident — I pay taxes, I vote here, I work here and I love my school,” she says. “But the minute Roe was overturned, I felt like I became a second-class citizen overnight …. I cannot stay here.”
‘Do I even want to stay in the U.S.?’
Sydney Burton has spent many afternoons daydreaming about what life after college would look like while walking around the University of Georgia’s campus: She’d find a creative job in Atlanta that she loved, rent an apartment close to downtown and see her mom on the weekends.
Then, the Dobbs decision happened — and Georgia reinstated its ban on abortions after roughly six weeks of pregnancy in July.
Burton, a senior studying art and advertising, says the news has “completely derailed” her plans to stay in the South after college.
“You could feel everyone’s panic the day Roe was overturned,” the 21-year-old says. “It made me question everything, like, Do I want to continue to build my life in Georgia? Do I even want to stay in the U.S.?”
Having “full autonomy” to make decisions about her body is non-negotiable for her, Burton says. And that’s “impossible to achieve” with Georgia’s restrictive abortion laws in place.
“It’s an incredibly tough decision to make,” Burton says of figuring out where she will live and work in a couple of months. “On the one hand, I am really close with my family, and they are all in Georgia. But on the other hand, what would happen if I needed an abortion and I couldn’t get one?”
She continues: “It’s a really weird, scary concept to even think about …. Not having access to reproductive health care, and being able to make that choice yourself, has the potential to derail your whole life.”
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christowhore · 3 years
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First Class Fantasies
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pairing: dadsbestfriend!steve rogers x wilson!fem!reader (modern au)
summary: steve has noticed your crush on him for a while now, and he decides it's time to have some fun with it. not even caring that his best friend, your father, was only a few feet away.
word count: 4.6k
warnings: smut, age gap (reader 21, steve 45) playful teasing, dirty talk, use of pet names, daddy kink, innocence kink, dumbification, public fingering, mile high club ?, panty stealing, finger sucking, degradation, praising !!! 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI !!!
notes: i'm in love with dbf!steve so i just had to write this. also this has been sitting in the drafts for long enough. i hope you all enjoy ! 💗
join my taglist ! ❦ main masterlist
It was tough being a Wilson. There were so many expectations you had to meet, events you were dragged to alongside your father, moments you missed out on with friends.
But one of the hardest was having constant contact with none other than Steve Rogers.
You shouldn't have a crush on your fathers best friend, but it was hard not to.
Everything about him made you weak in the knees. His adorable smile, his piercing blue eyes, the fact that he towered over everyone with his 6’4” frame.
The first time you met him was right before you left for college, at the going away party your father insisted on throwing for you. With a neatly wrapped present in hand, he stepped into the foyer of your family house and instantly took your breath away.
It didn't help when he greeted you- his warm palm placed gently against the small of your back, pulling you into him; while his lips placed a soft kiss to the side of your cheek. Thankfully your dad wasn't around to take notice of you unfolding into a stuttering mess.
Ever since that day, you were smitten by him. Always wondering how he was doing, if he might be seeing someone- but more importantly how his lips would feel elsewhere on your body. But you knew due to the age difference, as well as him being buddy-buddy with your dad, that nothing would ever happen between you two. So you did your best to just ignore him. Thankfully, you had college classes to aid you in your efforts. Though those efforts would soon come to an end.
Living in your own studio apartment, a few blocks away from campus, you were packing up your belongings to head back home. It was the end of your junior year and as per the agreement you made with your father, you had to leave D.C and head back to New York to spend time with him during the summer.
Going back to the city wasn't all that bad. Being the daughter of the Chief Financial Officer for Stark Industries had its perks. Your own personal driver, unlimited spending sprees, constant fine dining, you enjoyed the spoiled life.
But one thing you couldn't get used to was the endearing man who awaited you back in the city. You just couldn't shake the nervousness that filled your body knowing that you were going to reunite with Steve. He had this friendly, yet intimidating demeanor that always took you by surprise. The way he’d look at people, you swore he was searching into their souls in order to find some unspoken secret about themselves.
During the flight back home, leaving Howard University behind, your thoughts were continuously plagued with the blonde Adonis.
Once your plane landed, you made your way to baggage claim to grab your belongings before heading out to the terminal entrance. You stood there waiting for your usual driver, Peter, to come and pick you up as scheduled.
You were switching through apps on your phone when suddenly you noticed a black town car pull directly in front of you. Before you had the chance to move out the way, the backseat window pulled down, causing you to gasp at who was revealed to you.
“Everytime I see you, little one, you keep getting bigger and bigger. I’m gonna need to find you a new nickname.”
Steve beamed at you, the smile reaching his eyes. He reached for the door handle before stepping out of the vehicle, alongside his own driver. You were so focused on the man in front of you, you didn’t realize your luggage was being transported into the trunk.
“H-hi Steve,” your words fumbling out due to the effect he still had on you.
He peered down at you, both hands resting on his hips. “I haven’t seen you in months and all I get is a ‘hi’?” Before you could respond, he pulled you into him, your face buried into his firm chest. You absentmindedly breathed in his aroma, the scent of his cedarwood cologne made you feel dizzy with want.
Even in his usual attire of a three piece suit to assert his power as C.O.O, you could still feel the taut muscles of his abdomen pressing against you. The feeling made your clit throb, forcing you to suppress the moan threatening to bubble out.
Steve pulled away from you, but kept you close, close enough to where you could feel his warm breath fan across your face. “How was your flight? I know how you don’t like flying that much.”
“Everything was fine. Still a little anxious,” you began, not daring to look the blonde in his eyes, “but glad to be back on the ground.”
Steve noticed your lack of eye contact, a smirk trying to make its way across his features- because he knew all about your little crush on him.
Whenever you were back home from college, he couldn’t get enough of your wandering glances when you thought he wasn’t looking. The way your breathing would become erratic, your pupils blown, anytime he’d look directly into your eyes or down at your soft and enticing lips.
His flirtatious and intense demeanor was intentional- he just loved watching you squirm. The way your bottom lip would get caught in between your teeth, your thighs slyly rubbing together to try and quell the ache between them whenever he was in your presence. Your nervousness and obvious desire-filled gaze only spurred him on.
He knows that you’re his best friend's daughter, but his cock would strain against his pants anytime he was near you.
Steve would make sure to be there anytime you came back home from university, putting priorities on the back burner, just to be in your presence.
Hooking his index finger, he used it to tilt your chin up, forcing you to look up at him. “Don't worry little one, as long as you’re with me, you’ll be safe and sound,” he promised, his voice dropping an octave.
You stood there locked in a trance with Steve. You couldn’t help but audibly gasp at the proximity of his mouth near yours. Thoughts of how his lips would feel against yours ran through your mind as per usual.
Steve quickly pulled away from you and opened the car door, acting as if nothing had happened, “Well, as much as I’d like to spend some more time with just the two of us, your dad awaits.”
Snapping out of your perverse thoughts, you clambered into the vehicle with Steve following close behind.
Once inside, he ordered his driver to head to your fathers penthouse, then raised the partition, giving the two of you privacy.
You tried to keep your heart rate steady but was finding it difficult due to Steve being so close to you. His warmth radiated off of him, making you feel absolutely cozy in the confined space.
Steve watched as you stared out the window, the angle allowed him the glorious sight of your elongated neck. All he wanted to do was trace his lips against it, hearing your moans of desire.
Leaning over, he placed his palm against the back of your hand, the action making you jump.
He couldn’t control his chuckle at your reaction, “Sorry to scare you little one, just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
You tried to respond, but the feel of his warm palm added with his thumb slightly stroking your hand had you at a loss of words. So you did the only thing you were confident you could do, and simply nodded at him.
The rest of the car ride to your father was silent, except for your slight heavy breathing. All you could focus on was the feel of his hand, and how it never left your own for the rest of the journey.
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After arriving home, you reunited with your father, the moment brief due to him being called back into the office.
You made your way towards your childhood room to get changed for dinner that he had planned for your return that night.
Summer in Manhattan was humid, so you opted to wear a cream sundress, the silk material stopping right at your mid thigh.
When you were finally dressed, you went downstairs to meet Peter who would be escorting you to the restaurant. “Evening, Ms. Wilson,” the brunette squeaked towards you while holding the backseat door open.
“I’ve told you this a million times Peter, you can just call me (Y/N).”
“Sorry ma’am- (Y/N).” An apologetic look etched on his face made you smile.
It was only a five minute drive before you were stopped in front of the establishment. Once you stepped inside and gave your name to the hostess, you were directed towards the back of the restaurant. There your eyes landed on not one but two gentlemen.
“Hi dad,” you greeted your father with a kiss on the cheek, “Steve.”
With Sam in his presence, he had to restrain himself from reaching out to feel every inch of your delectable figure. So he kept it minimal and stuck to his usual greeting, a hand to the small of your back and a peck on the cheek. “Hey (Y/N). Sam offered for me to tag along, if that’s alright with you.”
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Dinner went smoothly. The air filled with laughter and your father’s usual exaggerated stories. You were finishing up your dessert when your father slid an envelope towards you, showcasing a toothy smile.
“What’s this?” you pondered, thumbing the envelope open.
“Well, you finished junior year on the Dean’s List, again. So I thought you deserved this.”
Opening up the envelope, you reached inside and was greeted with airplane tickets. Looking at the details, you realized they were round trip tickets to Saint Lucia.
You couldn’t contain the squeal of excitement at the gift. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Launching up, you embraced your father and felt his own laughter rumble out of him.
“Don’t thank me, it was a team effort,” your father began, nudging the blonde in the shoulder, “We both thought you could use the vacation before you started senior year.”
Unlatching yourself, you went over and repeated the same actions towards Steve. “Thank you Steve.”
He felt your nipples through the thin fabric of your dress against his chest. The feeling made him desperate to know how they’d feel against his tongue. “It’s no problem, anything for you doll.”
Once you sat back down, you looked at the flight details and saw that there were 3 boarding passes. “Oh, are you coming with us Steve?” Hope clearly evident in your voice, making him smile.
“Yeah, just like you, I could use the break. Time away from the office is just what we need, right Sam?” Steve joked with your father while he nodded in agreement.
He watched Sam excuse himself to the bathroom, leaving the two of you at the table. Steve watched you as a smile was plastered on your face while you read the itinerary.
You felt an intense gaze on you making you look up, meeting Steve’s glance. “T-thank you again, Steve. I’ve always wanted to go here.”
Steve shone a sincere smile at your comment. Reaching out, he placed a hand against your exposed left thigh, his fingertips dangerously close to your core. He began to subtly stroke the soft expanse of your thigh, each rise getting closer to your warmth.
“Anything for my best girl,” he cooed, admiring the way his simple action had you frozen in your seat. “You stay in school, get amazing grades, you’re never in any trouble. Such a good girl for your father. I am so proud of you princess.”
The sudden praise that left his lips caused you to squeeze your knees together, trapping his fingers in between your thighs. You thought he was going to remove them, but he just squeezed the flesh between his hands. It was when you felt his pinky trace against the dampened crotch of your panties, that you let out a breathy moan. The sound raised the hairs across Steve’s body and made his dick twitch in his slacks.
Out of his peripheral vision, he saw Sam emerge from the bathrooms and head back towards them. Steve removed his hand and stroked his beard, acting as if nothing had happened.
“So (Y/N),” Sam began as he sat back down, “You thought about all the things you wanted to do once we’re down there?”
Steve watched as you tried to form a coherent sentence, still too flustered at his actions.
While you were conversing with your father, Steve brought the pad of his moist digit to his mouth, elusively tasting your essence that clung to his finger. It was only a drop, but your sweetness quickly sent him into a frenzy, and he knew he needed to taste you a little bit more.
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It had been 3 weeks since that dinner and you were heading towards the airport, sitting next to your father. Your father insisted on taking a red eye flight so that you could arrive at Saint Lucia in the morning, planning for the sun to greet you when you all land on the island.
Once the two of you arrived and made your way inside, you were greeted with the sight of Steve.
Forgoing his usual attire of tailored suits, Steve was dressed in a pair of fitting blue jeans. A navy bomber jacket fit snug around his arms overtop a white tee that defined every ridge of his muscles underneath.
“You two ready to start our vacation?”
After dropping off your luggage and showing your boarding passes, the three of you made your way towards first class. Upon inspection, you saw that two seats were together in their enclosed space, leaving one to be seated by a stranger.
“I can sit with (Y/N),” Steve piped, “You know how anxious she gets when flying.”
“Thanks man,” your father said before turning to you. “It’ll only be a couple of hours, okay?”
You nodded along to your father, “Yeah, I’ll be fine, don’t you worry.”
Steve helped you put your carry on in the overhead compartment before sliding in beside you.
The exhausted flight attendants did their required monologues before the aircraft took off, lifting you into the sky.
You hadn’t realized your eyes were clamped shut and you were grasping onto the arm rest until Steve caressed your hand. “It’s okay princess, the hard part is over. You can relax now,” his smooth voice calmed your frayed nerves, allowing you to sink into the plush seats.
The stewardess began to pass out blankets to every occupant before powering down the overhead lights, the plane darkened only being lit with various phone and laptop screens from other passengers.
“These blankets are pretty big, do you wanna just share one?” Steve questioned, hopeful that you would say yes, which you did.
He draped the material over your lower half, making sure you had plenty of room before covering himself.
You sat up and looked towards your father, who was already fast asleep. “Of course he’s already down for the count. He can sleep through anything.”
Steve looked over to make sure his best friend was sound asleep before filthy thoughts plagued his mind.
“You know, if you want,” Steve began, leading his hand under the blanket to rest upon your bare thigh, “I know of a way that could get you to sleep soundly.”
Your breath caught in your throat as you stared up at the man. “Steve, I-“
“Shh, princess. Don’t want to wake him up now do we?”
You shook your head at him while trying to not squeeze your thighs once more.
“I know all about your little crush on me. You think I can’t tell how wet I make you with just a simple look.” Steve began to caress your thigh making your body feel hot from his touch.
“You can’t even look at me without turning into a stuttering mess,” he mocked you, his teasing touch sending shockwaves throughout your body.
He leaned towards you, his lips ghosting along the shell of your ear while his breath danced along the nape of your neck. “Y’know, you may be a smart and studious girl, but to me you’ll just be a dumb little slut that I have wrapped around my finger.”
A loud gasp escaped your lips at his crude words before you could clamp your hand over your mouth.
Steve removed his hand from you once more causing a pathetic whine to leave you, but still maintaining his close proximity. Looking up at him with pleading eyes, you silently begged him to keep his previous motions going.
“If you want it, I need to hear you say it,” he whispered to you, “Beg for it.”
Your chest rapidly rose and fell due to the events unfolding. This was the moment you’ve been waiting for for years, now that you finally have it, you weren’t going to pass it up.
“Please, Steve. I need you. Please touch me.”
Upon hearing your pleas, Steve twisted his body to bring his left hand down towards your legs, his right hand intertwining with yours. Moving his hand underneath your skirt, he was met with the same wetness he felt back in the restaurant.
“Be quiet, don’t make a sound, or I’m removing my hand and you’ll have to finish yourself off, do you understand me?” his authoritative voice had you nodding in a frenzy.
Steve slipped his finger into your panties, pushing them to the side so he could open you up to him. “Spread your legs for me some more.”
Complying with his request, you spread your legs as wide as possible in your chair.
“Good girl,” he purred, “Always so good for me.”
Your right hand flew to your mouth once again to suppress the moans threatening to escape. Steve’s index finger traced through your slick folds until it reached your puffy mound. He softly circled your clit, smiling as he felt you buck into his touch.
“Such a needy little thing, I’m guessing it’s been a long time since somebody’s touched this sweet cunt, huh?”
Steve felt your body stiffen at his words. Looking up, he watched you avoid his eye contact and that’s when reality struck him. “Oh.”
Steve knew that you had always focused on schoolwork, never seeking out romantic partnership. But he assumed that would've changed once you had gone off to college and was free of your fathers watchful eye.
“Let me guess, saving yourself for me princess?” Steve joked.
It was true. Whenever you thought about getting intimate with someone, your thoughts would be riddled with images of Steve. You could never see yourself laying down with anyone else but him, so you wishfully held on to your virginity, in hopes of this rare moment occurring.
Forcing yourself to look into his crystal blue eyes, you meekly responded, “Yes Steve, all for you.”
Carnal desire flooded the man at your confession.
He cupped your heat with his entire hand, soaking his palm in your juices. “Fuck princess, I can’t wait to ruin you.”
You felt a slight pressure at your opening, causing you to squirm away in your seat. “It’s alright, doll, just relax for me.”
Taking a deep breath, you calmed your nerves.
Steve soaked his digits more in your essence before sticking his thick index finger in your sopping hole. He was met with obvious resistance which he powered through until meeting your spongy spot deep within.
“Oh fuck, Steve,” you breathlessly moaned out.
“I know sweetheart,” Steve cooed in your ear, “Feels so good, doesn’t it? Feels like heaven having my finger deep inside your tight cunt.”
He continued to pump his digit inside of you, the muffled sounds of your squelching heat brought a smile to his face.
You felt every ridge of his finger inside of you. It was a strange feeling at first, but the way he was curling it had your eyes crossing. The discomfort faded away, now all you wanted was more. “Please Steve,” you pleaded out.
“Aww princess, do you need more of Daddy's fingers fucking your filthy cunt?”
You did everything in your power not to scream out your pleas to the man next to you. “Yes, Daddy. I need more.”
Steve's cock was already testing the material of his briefs, but the way ‘Daddy’ rolled off your tongue had him close to ruining his jeans.
Not giving you any warning, he shoved his middle finger alongside your heat. A loud moan made its way into the air, halting his actions.
The two of you rapidly looked around, hoping that no one heard you. Steve looked forward at Sam and sighed in relief when he saw he was still fast asleep.
“Looks like fun time is over sweetheart,” he sighed before he began to remove himself from you. His actions were halted when he felt your hand latch onto his wrist.
“Please don't stop. I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to!”
Steve shook his head, “Princess, I had the one rule and your dumb brain couldn't even follow that.” Frustration was evident in his hushed tone.
You were riddled with so much need and desire that tears threatened to fall from your eyes. “Please, I’ll be good. I promise.”
He didn’t want to stop, not after he saw how hot you looked when he was stroking your g-spot. But he needed to make sure you didn’t disobey him again. Pretending to ponder his thoughts, he looked at you, “Fine, but you only get one more chance. Okay, princess?”
You frantically nodded, desperate for him to resume his lewd actions.
“Good girl,” grinned the blonde, “but I just need to do one more thing to make sure not a peep comes out.”
Steve moved his hand to the top of your panties before tugging at them. He raised an eyebrow, a silent request sent your way to lift your ass from the seats to assist his efforts. Once the flimsy material was down your legs, he brought them out from under the blankets and balled them into his fist. “Open up.”
Opening up your jaw, you watched as he stuffed your wet panties into your mouth, muffling all sounds that dared to come out.
Looking up at Steve, you could barely see his face but you could see that his pupils were completely blown out, almost all of the usual blue gone.
“Now, where were we?”
Not wanting to waste anymore time, he shoved the two digits back into your cunt, a slight burn ran through your core.
His pace was brutal, desperate even. Steve needed to watch you unravel before him. He needed to be the first man to make you cum; glad that you never let any of those young college boys try- and inevitably fail, at helping you reach your peak.
Steve felt you lace your fingers back with his free hand and squeeze, in an effort to try and balance yourself.
“That’s it baby, you’re doing such a good job for me.”
Feeling daring, he prodded his ring finger and sank it within you along with the others. “Oh fuck, baby. Your pussy is squeezing the life out of my fingers, can’t even imagine how it’ll feel once I get my cock inside of you.”
The tears that filled your eyes prior began to fall due to the immense pleasure you were experiencing. “Mhm, ughh,” you tried speaking but it only came out of a mumbled mess.
“Don’t overwork that stupid brain of yours baby. Just focus on cumming on my fingers, that’s all you need to worry about right now.”
Steve could tell you were close with how your walls were contracting against him, so he went all in, in an effort to get you creaming around his fingers.
Raising his thumb, he applied just the right amount of pressure to your little numb and began circling it.
The insane amount of glee you began to feel was indescribable. Your head tilted back, your eyes crossed, your thighs that began to close were suddenly held back Steve’s legs, leaving you helpless against his attacks.
Steve noticed dribbles of drools leak from the side of your mouth, a cheshire-like smile had his cheeks sting at the expanse.
Leaning directly until his lips ghosted your ear once more, he softly spoke.
“That’s it baby.”
“Be a good girl and cum on Daddy’s fingers.”
“Once you cum on my fingers, the next time it’ll be wrapped around my thick cock.”
“Don’t think, let your mind go dumb like it’s supposed to.”
“Cause that’s all you really are, right?”
“My dumb. Mindless. Little. Slut.”
The newfound sensation hit you like a truck. Your eyes rolled to the back of your skull. Your toes curled in your platforms. Nose, eyes, and mouth contorting, trying to work through your orgasm.
Steve picked up on a scream about to escape you, so he unlaced his fingers from yours and clasped his hand over your mouth, preventing you from waking up the whole plane.
Locking his eyes with yours, he continued to finger fuck you through your release. “That’s it. That's it, princess. You did so well for me.”
As you came down from your high, the feeling started to become too much, overstimulation taking hold. You began to squirm away from his touch, causing him to chuckle before removing his digits.
When he brought his hand out from under the blanket, you saw his fingers soaked in your essence, shining from the stray lights littered across the plane.
Steve popped his index and middle finger into his mouth, groaning at your sweet taste; his eyes shutting in the process. “You taste so fucking delicious,” he mumbled through his fingers.
You watched as he lapped every drop of your juices from his digits before he looked back at you.
He took away his hand from your mouth and pulled out your soaked panties. “Here, have a taste,” Steve spoke before shoving his ring finger down your throat.
You were caught off guard due to the sudden intrusion, but regained your senses while sucking yourself off of his finger. Your tongue glided across the digit, gulping down your essence.
Steve watched with contentment as you cleaned him up. He saw how your eyelids were hooded, indicating you were exhausted from your release.
Pulling his finger from your mouth, he grasped your jaw to direct your face to his, his thumb wiping away your stray tears. “I hope you know I plan on taking you apart every chance I get during this trip, princess. Now get some sleep, we have a big week ahead of us.”
Leaning back into his chair, he stuffed your panties into his jeans and laid his head against the headrest.
You were so overwhelmed with fatigue that you had no trouble getting to sleep. Resting your head against the blondes shoulder, you drifted away, a content smile on your face.
Steve sat back and enjoyed your warmth; forcing himself to forget all about his own aching and leaking cock. He knew there was no going back now. He had a taste of you and instantly became hooked. Just like he ruined all men for you, you ruined all other women for him.
With his thoughts filled with you, he let sleep consume him and the promise of an eventful trip with you by his side.
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A/N: i wrote this when i should’ve been finishing my 9 other wips, but here we go. y’all know in crazy rich asians, how they had the semi private enclosed seats. that’s where this takes place.
if you enjoyed this fic, please make sure to reblog and comment. feedback is much appreciated !
i do not allow the copying, rewriting or translating of my fics. these are works of my own and i do not give permission for any of the acts stated above.
* dividers credit : @firefly-graphics *
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elsewhereuniversity · 2 years
Text
No one ever told me it would be so lonely on campus. 
I got my own dorm this year because whoever was supposed to be my roommate decided not to attend. So, the first time I had to live away from home, I ended up living entirely on my own. I only took gen-eds this year, and those classes coupled with the college credits I had built up from taking dual-credit and AP courses in high school means that I’ll have all of my general educational requirements taken care of, and I can focus entirely on my chosen major next fall. But, with all this focus on getting my classwork done and battling the slew of technical difficulties I've been plagued with for years now, I haven't had the opportunity to make any friends.
The gen-ed classes are always full of people trying to fill a requirement, hundreds in a lecture hall all wanting to just take notes and go home. The professors don’t care to encourage class interaction; these courses are supposed to be a foundation, not the peak, and there is a lot of groundwork to cover for those that are unfamiliar to the subject. I frequently raised my hand and participated in class, but I cannot say the same about my classmates. And I’ve always been shy; definitely too shy to approach a veritable stranger to talk about what? A subject neither of us truly care about? 
The point is, I'm lonely. Painfully lonely, in my dorm room with one made bed and an empty bedframe, eating my meals by my lonesome at a table for two in the cafeteria, walking between classes with my eyes geared towards my feet. Achingly lonely, yearning for the affection of a hug from the owner of that voice on the phone, a lifeline home. 
At twilight, sitting alone on a low stone wall dividing the campus path from a grove of trees, my loneliness eats at me. It grips at me, contracting my diaphragm and forcing air out through my nose, body going through the motion of a sob and curling over a little.  
I'm just so sad. So soul-searingly sad. Alone, insignificant, and sad. The thought comes to my mind for the first time, ripping through my brain until it’s the only thing in my head: 
‘I'm lonely. Please love me.’ 
I felt those two phrases with every ounce of my body, tears pricking at my eyes. And finally, the cure comes. 
Rustling grass, dissimilar enough from the sound of wind playing with the grass to be identified as footsteps, walk up behind me. I can hear them, but I don’t move because I don’t care. Instead of another student hopping the wall to continue on their way or even someone asking me what was wrong, a body draped itself over my own. I didn’t even panic; my body froze in surprise for a moment, but then the pure comfort of being held hit me, and I didn’t care about anything else. 
I started sobbing in earnest, sitting on that stone wall, as limbs came around me and a chin set itself on my shoulder. A hug. What I so very desperately needed. The appendages wrapped around me more closely resembled arm-shaped voids than normal arms, and the chin felt more like it belonged to a snout than a human’s jaw, but I was beyond caring. My classmates (chatting with their friends) mentioned that there were fantastical things at Elsewhere, but I always took it as pure superstition and campus rumor, however fervently it was believed. If this was my proof of worlds beyond my own, so be it. 
I bent my elbows, trying desperately to tug the arms closer to my heart, and they obligingly tightened their embrace, making my cry even harder. I just closed my eyes at this point; even if they were open the amount of tears I was shedding coupled with the waning light meant I wouldn’t be able to see anyway. The loneliness was trickling out of my body, slowly being replaced by gratitude to whomever cared enough about one random college student to give them a hug. 
A pang of self-deprecation hit me, and, almost in response to it, one of the arms slid further down, pinning my own arms against my sides as they held me tighter up against their chest, one arm across my own chest and the other around the level of my navel. I felt safe and loved in this being’s arms, feeling oddly like a mix between a toddler and a teddy bear, but in a comforting way. The pit of loneliness drained even faster, and the snout nuzzled against the side of my neck, cool scales against tear-sticky skin. 
The magnitude of my crying died down a little, though I still kept my eyes closed to at least try to stem the flow of tears. I blindly felt it as the limbs wrapped around me changed. The arms themselves didn’t change, but out of them grew what I could only assume to be wings, leathery and soft brushing against my hands. I was swaddled in a blanket made from the figure behind me and their suddenly-appearing wings. 
And I felt loved. 
Loneliness no longer ruined me in that moment. The last remaining purple light of twilight faded into darkness and I felt my own awareness fading into slumber. My mysterious savior began to gently rock us back and forth. I still sat on the low wall and they still bent over me from behind, but it felt like I was being cradled in their arms. And I fell asleep. 
And now, waking up in my once-lonely dorm room, an inky arm (sans wings) curled over me and a scaly snout nosing at the back of my neck, I feel nothing but loved.
x
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mar-iiposa · 3 years
Text
Pour Some Sugar on Me
Series summary: Hating each other since they first met, Michael and Y/N swore to themselves that they would never lower themselves to each other’s standards. Or did they really mean it when they accidentally allow themselves to fall into a beautiful, everlasting love?
Chapter: 1/?
Warnings: enemies to lovers (?), major character death, fluff, angst, cussing, set in the 80s baby, you’re both seniors in high school.
Word Count: 826
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“Ya snooze, ya lose, sugar!”
Michael Afton.
Michael. Fucking. Afton.
It was almost like the school day couldn’t get any worse for you. Everywhere you turned, his gaze stuck on you like leather in the hot summer. His grins directed towards you seemed venomous, and others warned you to be careful to not be bitten. But deep down, you wanted to be bitten. Yet, you hated his guts. You hated the way he wore his stupid fox max to campus everyday, hated the way he would spook you just for shits and giggles, his touch still lingering on your shoulders. You loathed the way his mullet hung over his forehead and the sides of his face when he looked down at your smaller height. You hated the way his lips looked delicious to you. Sometimes you want a taste.
“Oh go blow yourself, Afton.” You stuck up a very generous finger-gesture to his side of the school hallway. His friends ooo’d at the both of you, masks covering their squinting eyes of laughter. Michael stormed closely behind you, towering like a New York City skyscraper, just like his old man. It was oftentimes chilling how similar they were appearance-wise. Personality-wise, they were complete opposites of each other. How you wished Michael would be quieter like his father was, according to word around.
“Would you be jealous then?” You whipped around quickly on your toes, pressing a finger closely against his clothed chest.
“I swear to God, Afton,” you unclench your jaw, “never, ever in a million years would I blow you. Got it?” Michael grabbed your finger, pulling it away from him. He sucked on his upper teeth, lips twisting into a smirk.
“Sure.”
How you wanted to spit on that face, to watch as disgust and embarrassment starts to coat his expressions. Michael’s friends laughed like a pack of hyenas, taking off together. Though you both hated each other's guts at most, Michael couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt and a spark of.. something.
It felt fluttery, as if that feeling tickled his heart and caused it to race and pound against his chest in response. Not in hatred, but something quite the opposite of that. You unknowingly felt the same way, pushing it to the backs of your mind in resistance. But Michael was curious, and so were you.
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“I want my MTV!” “I want my MTV!” “I want my MTV!”
Your lips wrap around the bitterly-cold flavored popsicle, eyes fixated on the television. Feet sitting on the coffee table in front of you, you continue to snack on your frozen treat. While watching the entertainment of sweet MTV, your mind couldn’t help but wander around elsewhere. You could have sworn you saw a blush on Michael’s face when your little daily pestering session ended…
“You okay?” Your younger sibling waved their arm out. Flinching, you blink a couple of times before your eyes refocus on the Def Leppard members now on the TV.
“I’m fine.”
“Well I saw you and that Michael guy-“
“God- Josh, shut up, okay?”
“Well I think you’re both just taking things a bit too far.”
They trace over the designs on the living room couch with their index finger. Their dirty blonde hair covering the top halves of their eyes. They took a sip from their bubbly can of soda, lips pursing together as they took in the bitter sweetness of the beverage. The two siblings now home from school, taking in the sweet air conditionings of their home.
“I don’t remember asking what you think.”
Your sibling cleared their throat, “Listen, Y/N, you two just need to stop dicking around and just confess already. It’s literally so stupid, God-” And like Josh could have already predicted, you sounded out a groan of annoyance on the other end of the couch. “I know,” Josh chuckled at your reaction, feigning a phony tone of sympathy.
You run a hand through your own hair, sighing. “He’s just so- so cocky, and arrogant, and-” Josh then shushed you, interrupting.
“I’ve heard it a million times before. But that’s all you talk about: Michael.”
You felt your speech stammer, ears on fire, as well as your lightly freckled cheeks. Josh caught onto the awkward pause from their older sibling, smirking to themselves.
“You’re flustered and it actually says a lot, N/N,” they teasingly sang, causing you to bashfully fiddle with the sides of your thumbs now. “It’s kinda obvious you like him. I mean, like, you might not know it, but your body language sure says a lot. Even I should know- I’ve had more people into me than you!”
You rolled your eyes at the message of their words. In denial, you then sighed, “Only condition on talking to him is if he talks to me first, though.” In response, Josh looked at the mirror’s reflection across from them, clicking their teeth as they thought to themselves.
“Deal.”
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fandomwriterstuff · 3 years
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“We’re a well-oiled team of military-grade kindergarteners,” his best friend, and the only other human on the ship who would understand what kindergarten was, continued chastising him and his companions. “The level of education and training among the three of you eclipses that of the entire rest of the members of this operation,” Annabeth continued, pointing her finger individually at himself, his pilot Jason, and his Chief Science Officer Nico. “You know, I’m not that surprised with you, Percy, but you are our XO so you should really be more responsible,” he winced at that, still feeling a bit of imposter syndrome at being the Commander of the USS Olympus. “Jason, shouldn’t you be piloting a ship or something?” At that, he saluted her and did an about face before scampering off to get into more trouble. “And you, you’re definitely way too responsible to have gotten mixed up with this Seaweed Brain and Sparky, so what’s in this tomfoolery for you?”
Nico, the only Neptunian on the ship, shifted his large black wings self consciously under the scrutiny of their Chief of Operations. Percy, as the Commander of the vessel, felt obligated to protect his usually stoic and well-behaved… acquaintance? Di Angelo was reserved, almost standoffish, and resented anyone who tried to stick up for him for some reason, but that didn’t stop Percy’s stupid seaweed brain from doing so. Hence the acquaintance. Percy was 99% sure Di Angelo didn’t consider him a friend. But he was nice to Percy and a great officer, so Percy considered him his friend.
“It was my fault, Annie,” he used her childhood nickname carefully, not knowing whether it would soften her up or piss her off more. He was hoping for softening. “It was just another one of Jason and my dumb ideas that we thought we would need a scientist to help with, and we didn’t want to piss off Leo by involving him in it. You know how he is about his engineer and warp cores and whatnot,” Percy held his hands up placatingly. “Leave Di Angelo out of this, he has sciencey things to do, isn’t that right?” Percy side-eyed his companion who (not surprisingly) rolled his eyes.
“I try not to get involved with human pranks or even Jovian mischief, but Officer Grace and First Officer Jackson were about to be meddling with my linguistics team. It isn’t my duty to tell my superiors what to do, so I sought out the next best option, supervising and ensuring no lasting damage was done to the physical or emotional state of the linguistics team. Now,” Here Percy held in a smirk as Di Angelo shrugged. “If they caused interference with the machinery of the ship, that wouldn’t be my expertise, so I allowed it to happen and-” Percy held back a laugh as the other male started speaking even faster to get everything out as Annabeth turned redder and redder. “I’m very sorry about that, truly, but I had no control over the situation.”
“No control over the situation? You three broke our LIT machine and now we have to go back to Earth as soon as we pass close enough to fix it. Soon enough nobody on this ship will understand each other,” the woman across from them crossed her arms and Percy shrunk back a bit.
“I want to make a joke about a machine being called “LIT,” but I feel like it isn’t the right time,” he muttered. “I know the Linguistic Inhibition Technology is important, but most of us have a working understanding of at least one other language, so it shouldn’t be a huge issue, right?”
“You know it works by connecting to the implant technology in our brains, so as it shuts down one by one, members of this ship from spaces stations and planets far and wide will have no clue why they suddenly can’t understand their XO, or their Chief Officer, or their best friend. So you better explain this. And you have to tell them that we’re going straight back to Earth to fix it because no nearby planets have the same brain implant tech as us. Damn Terrans and their brand name technology copyrights,” Annabeth grumbled and finally turned around to walk off.
“Hey, you’re Terran, too!” Percy shouted after her, but she just flipped him the bird.
“She can do that?” Di Angelo asked, side-eyeing Percy.
“Yeah, she’s been my best friend since we were twelve. As long as she doesn’t undermine my authority in front of everyone else, I don’t really care. I’ve done way worse to her,” Percy laughed at the other man’s frown. “Nothing bad, just pranks and things of that sort. Maybe when we get back to Earth we can show you where we’re from. You never set foot off of the training grounds while you were in school.”
“I would… like that,” Di Angelo paused and gave Percy a soft smile.
“Great,” Percy patted the younger male on the shoulder and made his way to the Command Center.
Percy sat himself down in the rotating chair and pressed on the comms device.
“Gooooood evening crew of the USS Olympus, this is your Commanding Officer, Percy Jackson, speaking,” he smiled at the engineering crew that was scuttling by, only for one of them to pause and look at him like he was speaking a different language… Whoops.
“There was a malfunction with the Linguistic Inhibition Technology and we will be returning to Earth henceforth to repair it before the damage becomes problematic. You may experience glitches with your implant technology and may revert to only understanding your first language and those you have studied extensively. If somebody looks like they’re not understanding what I’m saying right now, please escort them to the linguistics team in Science Bay 3. Carry on. Jackson, out.” He clicked again and the mic turned off.
He sighed, this would be one of his bigger mistakes. They were supposed to be exploring, but they couldn’t do that if nobody could speak to one another. One trip home couldn’t hurt him, and he was sure Annabeth would be happy to see her father.
It wasn’t until later after the Chief Officer meeting when someone finally asked Percy about Earth. For many of the non-humans on the ship, Earth was a place to get education and training to go out in the star fleet, and they never set foot outside the campus grounds, just like Di Angelo. But people had stopped asking him questions because Earth was basically “Space Australia,” as Annabeth had explained to him. The adaptability of humans and their need to pack bond astounded many and horrified many others. So, he stopped talking about home.
It was a new member of their ship, Novax (a Vulcan who was a part of Leo’s engineering team), who asked him about it first.
“I hear Earth is 75% made of pure salt water, and is filled with animals of all kinds. Do you have a favorite water animal?” he asked Percy excitedly.
“Definitely dolphins, though they aren’t underwater creatures. Like humans they need oxygen to breathe, and come up for air very often. My favorite actual underwater species would have to be a hippocampus from Neptune. I’ve always wanted to go and see one, but my human anatomy prevents me from going on-planet,” Percy explained and sipped on his hot tea.
“There are a million creatures in the ocean and you pick one that doesn’t breathe underwater?” Clarisse grunted. His Chief Tactical Officer was a brutish Martian, but very specialized in weapons. “And your second favorite isn’t even Terran.”
“What else do you know about the ‘ocean’?” Novax breathed, leaning forward.
“Eh, not much,” Percy shrugged.
“I’m not sure I heard that correctly, maybe my LIT unit isn’t functioning well,” another member of engineering asked, Nyssa. “Your planet is 75% water and you don’t even know what is inside it?”
“I could tell you about the people who spend their life learning about what survives in the deep depths,” Percy looked up, knowing he had all of the non-Terrans hooked on every word. Even Di Angelo had paused in his note taking and was staring wide-eyed at Percy. “But I don’t know if you’d want to know.”
“No we do!” Nyssa exclaimed. “There are people who dedicate their lives to a place that’s literally not navigable by humans, the main inhabitants of the planet?”
“Well as you said, most of the planet is water. Which means that coastal communities are filled with fisherman, whalers, swimmers, and more. I could tell you about some of those. I could also tell you about the scientists that spend years of their lives building bots that can’t even come close to withstanding the pressure at the deepest depths without imploding, or I could tell you about those that do come close,” he shrugged.
“What happened to those?”
“The video feed cut out after only seeing multiple rows of sharp, jagged teeth,” Annabeth answered, her sharp grin frightening those who hadn’t noticed her. Some forgot that she was Terran, because she was also half Minervan.
“I could tell you about whales. Beautiful, they come in black and white or grey or blue. But they can be as big as almost 100 feet long. That’s as long as most pirate ships. And they could fit about 400 average sized humans in their mouths. You don’t want to cross one of them. And they only live on the surface. The things that live in the deep,” Percy shuddered for effect. There were no Neptunians on the ship, so there were no natural water dwellers there, so all of his rapt listeners were shocked by this information. “There’s the anglerfish. They light up the dark with an antenna on top of their heads, and the light lures in prey. But it’s so dim elsewhere that you don’t see their big sharp teeth until you’re right up against them,” he murmured. “Giant squids are almost as big as whales but not nearly as peaceful and beautiful. They have eight arms and two tentacles that could wrap around any boat and crush it.”
“Ten limbs?” Nyssa whispered, clearly disturbed.
“Plus, the Portuguese Man o’ War,” Percy shrugged nonchalantly. “Also known as the floating terror. It’s like a big blue jellyfish that sits innocently on top of the water with huge blue tentacles that sit just underneath with a sting strong enough to kill a full grown human.”
“Don’t worry,” Annabeth grinned that shark grin again. “Percy won’t tell you about the stories of the old days. He doesn’t want to scare you.”
“That was the not scary part?” Novax gulped.
“Anyway, I just got notified that we’ll be back on Earth in a few days, so brace yourselves,” and with that, she stood and left them all staring after her. When the door clicked shut, Percy had all eyes back on him. He shrugged.
“Don’t look at me. I wasn’t going to tell you about the kr- nevermind,” he stood. “Di Angelo, with me,” the younger officer stood, back to business and was at Percy’s side again in a moment. “Clear your schedule, you’re spending shore leave with me, pal.”
“Great,” came the deadpan reply.
“Don’t sound so somber,” Percy rolled his eyes. “I’m just going to show you the beach and maybe a good gay bar. You need to let off some steam my dude.”
The other male reddened.
“That is so… That is…” he huffed. “Highly inappropriate.” he glared down at the ground and Percy felt a little bad, maybe the guy wasn’t out? But it was clear he had a preference for males. Oh well, that foot was already in Percy’s mouth.
“Fine. But I will be attending and I am a great dancer so you’re missing out,” he winked at the flustered officer and made his way back to his cabin. It would be an interesting few days.
He made a plan with Annabeth. Day one before shore leave, Percy would spread a rumor to Novax about the kraken. Bigger than a giant squid and meaner. Known to crush entire pirate ships in the olden days.
Day two, Annabeth would mention sirens to Nyssa. Hideous creatures that could lure you in with their voices and lead you to believe you were bringing your ship in to everything you ever wanted, when in reality you would crash your ships and then drown.
Day three, Percy would tell Leo about the Megalodon. A definitely very real shark so big you couldn’t even imagine it. Percy shuddered at that one.
“But, there are some good things,” Percy was speaking to Nico Di Angelo from his Commander chair, in ear shot of some of the participants of the conversation a few nights prior. “Mermaids, the siren’s nicer cousin species. And the lost city of Atlantis. Known to be a great and bountiful city, lost to the sea and cursed by the gods to be stuck down there forever. Some believe it still exists, but it’s within the Bermuda Triangle.”
“What, pray tell, is the Bermuda Triangle,” Clarisse sighed.
“Hard to explain. Ships just… go in… and they never come out,” Annabeth shrugged. “Planes go down. Ships wreck. People who go in don’t come back out, so we don’t know if Atlantis is really there or not.”
“That’s… terrifying,” Novax whispered as he walked by.
Percy was sure he had created a healthy fear of Earth’s oceans in his crew. And he meant to, because while he loved the beach and swimming, he did want to make them shy away from the depths. They wouldn’t do well to explore it.
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let-them-read-fics · 4 years
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Yours Truly (Pt. 1)
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Requested By: Some of you!
Pairing: Jisoo x Fem!Reader
AU: College
Word Count: ~ Part 1 -> 9,786 // Part 2 -> 7,433
Warnings / Misc. -- Pining, Angst, Fluff
Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.
A/N: Hey everyone! I finally have a few days off, so we're back to our (semi) regularly scheduled programming with this fic! I really hope you enjoy it; lmk what you think :)
PS ~ Once again, I had to split it into two parts to appease the Tumblr Overlords.
♡ Happy Reading ♡
Part 2 -- Click Here
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
1.) A Day In Class
Where does true beauty come from?
Is it strictly based in someone's DNA, rooted entirely in the attractiveness of their features? Or is deeper than that; does it extend from their soul? The very essence of stardust and personality that makes them them? Is it in how they interact with others? How they carry themselves? 
You, being the wannabe philosopher that you are, love hearing people's answers to those questions. Every response is unique in its own way, altered depending on the person asked, and you find that to be one of humanity's most wonderful qualities. Like snowflakes, we're all different; as such is our definition of beauty. It lies in the eye of the beholder, subjective in its nature, and you find that comforting. Just think: if 99% of the world's population found you unattractive, 78,000,000 would beg to differ. 
Though, for one person, you're sure those rules don't apply. She's objectively beautiful, and no one even attempts to pretend otherwise. 
Who, you may ask? Kim Jisoo, of course -- head of your school's student council, resident girl next door, and keeper of your heart. She's poised in every way, and refined to the point that you question if you're even deserving of knowing her. Humor and kindness radiate from her no matter where she goes, so it's really no surprise that so many people love her. 
A tap on your shoulder pulls you from your thoughts, and you turn to look at your best friend. "Yo, Y/N. What did you get for number 32?" Jeong asks from his seat in the row directly behind you, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Your history professor likely wouldn't take kindly to being interrupted during his lecture, so you choose to show him your answer instead of responding out loud. 
Jeong thanks you and continues to work on the activity you finished nearly 15 minutes ago, leaving you to half-heartedly listen to your professor. You're a good student, but even you have a limit to how much monotonous speaking you can handle in one sitting. As his words drone on, you roll your neck -- intending for the action to relieve some of the tension in your aching muscles; you're in for a surprise, however, when you lock eyes with none other than Jisoo herself. She offers a warm smile and wave, and the innocent actions send swarms of butterflies to take flight in your stomach. After sitting there for a moment, dumbstruck by her beauty, you snap to and return the gesture, making her giggle quietly. 
Huh. So that's what angels sound like, then.
She turns back to her work after a minute, flipping the page every so often as she follows along with the lesson. You take note of how her eyes dart across the materials laid out on her desk, how her fingers mindlessly flirt with the edge of her sleeve in contemplation when she gets to a question that stumps her.
Never have you ever found yourself in such inner turmoil before. The sight before you begs to be seen -- to be admired -- but class continues on. As much as you try to fight it, your resolve eventually crumbles; foreign concepts now falling on fully deaf ears, you allow yourself to be entranced. 
2.) Out In The Square
A Few Hours Later
Throngs of people stretch out before you, everyone making their way to various parts of campus as the blazingly hot sun beats down on them. Some run like their lives depend on it -- likely having overslept or missed campus transit -- while others take their time, catching up with friends and gossiping all the while. The soft pfft of sprinklers set up across the sections of lawn around you can be heard, going off every so often, and occasionally they're followed by the shouts of some unfortunate people getting soaked. 
"You're so lucky, Y/N," Jeong groans from behind you. A grimace sits on his face as he flips through the pages of his Trigonometry book, looking for the reference graphs again. "No more classes for the rest of the week and you don't have any more assignments to finish? Remind me again how to become a teacher's pet, please." You roll your eyes with an amused smile, leaning back on your elbows to talk to him. 
"I'm not a teacher's pet, Jeong. I just do my work on time instead of partying every night." He picks up a leftover piece of bread from the picnic basket that sits to his right and tosses it at you in retaliation to your little remark. 
"I don't care what you say, those parties are always epic. One of these days I'll convince you to come along." 
You shake your head, knowing there's no way you'd willingly attend one of them. From his stories, all those "epic" nights consist of is ridiculously drunken beer pong, sweaty people doing jello shots, and regrets.
"Not in a million years, loser." You say adamantly, not letting him trick himself into believing he's capable of swaying you. 
With one last muttered phrase of, "we'll see about that," he returns to his studies, and you turn your attention elsewhere.
Scattered light filters in through the leaves of the tree you're sitting under, wrapping you in a blanket of warmth as your eyes scan across the crowd again. The sight brings to mind an idea that always fascinates you: everyone you meet is busy creating their own stories, writing and rewriting new possibilities and endings for themselves with each new choice they make. You can hear snippets of their conversations -- see instances of some having their best days while others are living through their worst -- and it really puts things into perspective. Although we may appear as side characters in those books of life that others are writing for themselves, we have no idea what they're going through at any given moment. So, you believe, that makes it all the more important to leave a positive impact on them; whether it be a kind smile, holding the door, or even a simple compliment, you're determined to have your legacy be one rooted in kindness. 
Speaking of kindness in human form…
There she is, you think to yourself, feeling that all too familiar pitter patter of your heart pick up. Jisoo exits Building C, where her latest lecture just ended, and rushes down the stairs with her books in her arms. She's studying to become an actress, as far as you know, and you can't help but smile at the thought; she'll make an amazing star someday. 
You watch as she meets up with 3 other girls, whom you immediately recognize as Lisa, Rosé, and Jennie, and they eagerly bounce their way over to the refreshment truck that one of your school's clubs had been so considerate to hire. It's the perfect day for a cold treat, after all. 
Jisoo's dark hair flows in the gentle breeze that rolls in, looking like silk as it rides the currents. She's gorgeous in every way, and you can't help but be smitten; besides, it's not like you're not alone in your pining. She practically has the entire student body wrapped around her finger. 
"Y/N, don't forget to blink. You're staring pretty hard," Yuqi says, raising up onto her elbow beside Jeong. He laughs with her, but his eyes remain glued to the notebook paper he's scribbling his work onto.
Your eyes dart away following her statement, and you know you've been caught. "I thought you were asleep," you bite back, attempting to hide the blush of embarrassment that's quickly flooding to your cheeks. 
"I was, but I guess my intuition as your best friend woke me up. It's my mission in life to tease you." 
"So I've gathered," you sarcastically smile at each other, making stupid faces like always. 
"You love me," she flips her hair over her shoulder, appearing self-assured with the smirk that tugs at her lips. 
"Do I though? I don't know sometimes..." she socks you in the arm, making you chuckle. 
"All jokes, babe. Don't pout," you pinch her cheek until she grins, and then she begins telling you all about the dream she just had. 
----
Jisoo leads her gang over to one of the nearby tables, making sure to choose her seat strategically. A special someone caught her attention earlier, as they have from the moment she first laid eyes on them months ago, and she hasn't been able to fight the urge to admire them. She watches as they laugh along with something their friend said, tilting their head back as the cheerful noise rings out. She finds herself smiling along, imagining what it would be like to make them laugh like that; it's a uniquely wonderful sound, and she can't help but adore it. 
They lean across the blanket they're sitting on and dig through a picnic basket, retrieving what seems to be a sandwich packaged up in plastic wrap. One of their friends exaggeratedly thanks them, tackling them to the ground in a messy hug with a shout of gratitude that even Jisoo can hear from across the square. 
"Earth to Jisoo!" Jennie says, raising her voice slightly as she snaps her fingers in front of the unnie. The former jolts back to attention with a little jump, clearing her throat to gather her thoughts. 
"You know, you could always go talk to him. I've heard he's sweet." She tells the other girl, noticing the look of longing that's befallen her features. 
"Yeah, Joy has Art with him on Thursdays. I think his name's Jeong or something like that." Lisa butts in before taking another lick of her ice cream. 
Despite being so smart, the girls are really oblivious sometimes; Jisoo wasn't looking at him at all. She was looking at you. 
She doesn't know if now is the right time to tell them that, though. She hasn't officially come out to them, but she isn't afraid that they won't accept her -- she just wants that moment to be special, and sweating in the middle of the campus square doesn't seem like the golden opportunity that she's been hoping for.
"Just eat your treats, knuckleheads." She concludes, taking a spoonful of the shaved ice she opted for instead of ice cream. The truck had multiple types of treats, with all kinds of different toppings and flavorings lining the walls.
"Okay…" Rosé trails off before adding, "but don't say we didn't try to help when you start wishing you had said something later." Jisoo uses her spoon to lower the one that Rosie had raised accusingly at her, reassuring the girl that she'd be fine. 
She knows it's a lie, though; as the 4 of them later toss their trash in the bins and make their way to the student council room, Jisoo sneaks a last wistful glance at you, wishing she would've had the courage to start a conversation.
3.) One Step Closer
Friday, 1:34 PM -- A Few Days Later
"Hey, Minji. How many do we have today?" You wave at what kids have already been dropped off, your presence making their little faces light up with joy. 
Your coworker responds from across the room, tossing a couple stray toys into their labeled baskets to keep the space tidy. "10 or so, I think. The last ones should be arriving soon." You nod and take off your coat, setting your things in one of the small cubbies against the wall just beyond the entrance. 
"Y/N!" A small voice shouts from behind the counter, hidden from view. You smile deeply when you realize who it is, and you quickly dart around the corner to say hello. His chubby hands cover his mouth, but they do little in hiding his adorable grin. "Seungbum! How's my little munchkin?!" He squeals and runs into your arms, giggling loudly when you pick him up and spin him around. His dark hair sways from side to side with the movement, the slight waves sticking out in random places. A few seconds later, he wraps his arms around your neck and pulls back to look at you, settling into your secure hold. 
"Can we play when Jia gets here? I promised her I'd show her the new trick I learned, but I wanna show you, too." 
You smile at the sweet sentiment. "Of course, buddy. As long as you eat well at snack time, we can play however much you want." You raise an eyebrow at him, showing your authority, before saying, "I saw you put your veggies in your pocket last time and skip to dessert, so it'd better not happen again." He lowers his head after realizing he had been caught, and a hint of redness flushes his cheeks in embarrassment. 
"Okay Y/N-yah." 
You tickle him to make sure he knows you aren't mad at him, and soon he's laughing again. "Now, go wash your hands and get settled at the table, please." 
"Yes ma'am." His tiny sneakers squeak against the floor as he races off towards one of the lowered sinks that borders the kitchen wall, and you shake your head with a smile. 
Not even a second later, you feel a soft tug at your pant leg, and you turn around to find the source. 
A head of brilliantly auburn hair is the first thing you see, and its shade compliments the child's outfit perfectly. "Hi sweetheart. Are you new?" You squat down to the young girl's level, noting how she shyly toys with her fingers as they rest in front of her. She nods, the movement so subtle that you almost don't notice it. 
"My name's Y/N, and that awesome lady over there," you lean closer to her and point towards your coworker, "...is Minji. You can stay with us today, or you can play with the others, okay?" She nods again, her mannerisms letting you know just how shy she really is. Gently taking one of her hands, you hold it and look at her with a reassuring smile, asking, "Will you tell me your name?" 
"I'm Aera." She meekly says, only maintaining eye contact for a second or two. 
"That's a beautiful name," you compliment, seeing progress as she lightly smiles at your words. "And I love your bow," you add, touching the delicate material that rests near her ear, nestled into her straight locks. It has cherry blossoms and butterflies on it, all vibrant and neatly colored. 
"Thank you, I picked it out myself." She perks up a bit now, raising her head to look at you with a proud smile. "Wow, really?" You put on an impressed expression, wanting to boost her confidence even more. "You'll have to help me choose one the next time I go shopping, then. You're great at it." The praise makes her chuckle, and her eyes squint into soft crescents in the process. 
After stealing a glance at the table where everyone else has already gathered, you realize that they're waiting on you to start. "Alright, Aera, it's time to grab a bite to eat. Do you want to sit with me, or are you ready to be with the others?" You tilt your head to the side, asking the question softly so she doesn't feel overwhelmed. Having had this job for a while, you've gotten the hang of adjusting your behavior to put them at ease. 
"With you," she says, growing a little timid again at the idea of mingling with them yet. "That's perfectly fine." You reassure her, smiling one more time before standing and leading her to the room. Her hand remains clutched in yours, wiggling around slightly from the height difference as she looks around. 
"Who's ready for some snacks?" Minji asks the group, laughing when they all raise their hands and get excited. Their high pitched voices carry around the room as they discuss what foods they want to trade with each other, and soon everyone is happily munching away. You rub Aera's back sweetly as she eats some cucumber sticks, swinging her feet through the air beneath the short chair you retrieved from the table for her. She looks up into your eyes with a smile, melting your heart with the cuteness of her full cheeks. You squish them before turning away, feeling your 6th sense kick in as you scan your eyes across the rest of the group. 
"Seungbum…" you warn, catching the way he's mischievously eyeing the carrots laid out before him on the table. He pokes at one of them and sighs, eventually giving in as he takes a hesitant bite of it. With some more convincing, he finishes the rest of the pack and gets started on his dessert. 
----
Honestly, you feel sorry for the birds outside.
They must have had hundreds of mini heart attacks upon hearing the somehow earth-shattering roar of the 10 young kids, all blasting out the side door towards the playground. Some of them automatically race towards the swings or slides, while others approach the basket of toys and sports equipment. Aera, however, hangs back, her entire hand wrapped around just a few of your fingers. "What do you wanna do?" She shrugs, looking around at the different activities that the others are already starting. 
"I can push you on the swings, or we could race. There're some monkey bars and a merry-go-round, too, that nobody's using right now." You suggest, hoping to catch her interest with one of them. Her attention snaps up to you at that last option, and she dramatically drops her jaw. "Did you say merry-go-round?" You nod with an amused grin, laughing when she lets out a cute noise of joy. After pointing her in the direction of it, she dashes off ahead of you and makes her way to it, only stopping to make sure you're still coming with her once she gets there.
"Hold on tight, little one." You advise, cheering when she giggles in anticipation. Her chuckles fill the airwaves as you spin the bar around, making sure not to pull too hard and make her too dizzy. You were once a kid, too, though, so you make it a point to add some serious speed every now and then to keep her entertained and happy. You remember playing on these all day when you were her age.
---
"Auntie!" Aera shrieks, excitedly thundering towards the fence that borders the playground. You finish cheering Seungbum on after watching his trick, grinning as he tries to flirt with Jia; she looks impressed. You turn around at Aera's commotion, feeling your eyes practically pop out of your head at who you see standing on the other side. 
"How was your day, my love?" Jisoo asks sweetly, leaning over the metal divider to run a hand through her niece's hair lovingly. She still hasn't noticed your presence, and for that you don't know if you're relieved or saddened. Watching her interact with the young girl is quite adorable, though, and you're distracted from your personal gay panic for the time being. 
"I've had so much fun. And Y/N-yah said she likes my hair clip! I told you this one was prettier than the one with just trees on it!" Aera says smugly, happy to have her decision pay off and prove her aunt wrong. Jisoo tenses up, not expecting to hear your name right now. Seeing that this is her first time picking Aera up, she had no idea you work at the daycare; though she'd be lying to say that it comes as a surprise -- you're a very warm person, so it's no wonder that you're good with kids. 
As per Aera's request, you walk across the playground and join her in front of Jisoo. Now it's your turn to be shy; you sneak a glance at the student council president and immediately feel your cheeks heat up, so you busy yourself by patting Aera on the head. She hugs your leg and settles against your side, causing Jisoo to raise her eyebrows. "I'm impressed, Y/N. She usually doesn't open up to new people very easily." 
"Ah, I'm surprised that such a cool girl like her wanted to hang out with me." You tease, tickling her side lightly when she hides behind the material of your shirt. "Do you want to come in and see what she drew today? She's definitely skilled." You suggest, trying not to sound too hopeful as you muster up the courage to look at Jisoo again. She's already smiling at you, a soft sort of adoration shining in her eyes as they rake over your features. She accepts your offer, and you walk over to the gate to let her in. Aera demands that you carry her, so you scoop her up into your arms as you make your way back into the daycare center. Her head sits on your shoulder, and you can feel her playfully making faces at Jisoo the entire way; her tiny frame jolts with each loud giggle she lets out, and the sound makes you smile. 
---
"Yeah, she was my sidekick for the day." You respond to Jisoo, continuing your conversation as you watch Aera remove her drawing from the cork board that she taped it to earlier. Displaying the kids' artwork is something that you advocated for when you first began working here, and you're so glad you did; they always get excited to share their works. 
"She's a lucky girl, then." She says, doing her best to ignore the feeling of your eyes on her. Focusing on anything other than you is already hard enough for her, but she knows there'd be no hope left if she gives in now. 
"Y/N helped me draw this. She doodled Dalgom in the corner," Aera cheerily says, breaking the slight tension in the air as she approaches the table. Most of the other kids have already been picked up, and Minji's watching the handful that haven't. 
"It's not very good," you cringe, scratching the back of your neck. You've seen him a few times since the beginning of the year, whether it be on walks across campus with Jisoo, or perched on her desk during "bring your pet to class" day. 
"It's adorable; Dalgomie will be honored when I show it to him." Jisoo says with a nod, shutting down your insecurities within a second. You fail to contain the laugh that slips past your lips, disbelief present in your voice as you ask, "You're going to show him?" She looks at you like you have 3 heads. "It would be a disgrace not to."
With a breathy chuckle, you say, "You're so strange. I like it, though." 
Jisoo smiles at that, and the three of you discuss all of the fun things you did that day. Jisoo tells you about the classes she had to sit through, and even how she stepped in gum and had to borrow a pair of Rosé's shoes. 
---
All good things must come to an end, though, and after about half an hour of talking, it was time to say goodbye. 
You lead them out the door and down the sidewalk as per Aera's request, yet again (that child is basically a mini dictator at this point, but she's cute so she gets a free pass). As she rustles around her bag in search of her keys, Jisoo accidentally knocks her earbud case out, sending it tumbling to the ground. "Oh! Here, I'll grab it for you." You kindly offer, stepping past her to retrieve it from the grass. She takes it from you with a word of gratitude uttered in that angelic voice of hers, and you begin your goodbyes upon hearing Minji call your name. 
"I'll see you around, Jisoo. And Aera, I expect to see you next week." You wiggle a finger at the little girl, donning a shocked expression when she pretends to bite it. "Can't you tell we're related?" Jisoo asks with a smile, ruffling her niece's hair. "The resemblance is uncanny," you laugh, watching as both of them join in with you. 
"Y/N, come on!" Minji whines, sounding like a toddler herself. You initially go to brush off her request in order to spend a few more seconds with the two of them, but when she stands in the doorway, entering your line of sight, you see why she's so desperate for your help -- two of the children still waiting on their parents are climbing on her, about to knock her over at any second. Her face is beet red from the effort she's exerting, and her hair is mussed wildly. 
"Oh shhh---" you start, catching yourself when Jisoo widens her eyes at you and goes to cover Aera's ears, "--shiitake mushrooms!" You finish with a nervous smile, gaining a stunned laugh from your crush. "Bye girls; gotta go. I'm on my way, Minji!" You call out like a superhero, running to her aid as fast as your legs will carry you. 
Jisoo watches you wrangle one of the squirmy kids off of her and initiate a tickle fight to distract him and give Minji time to deal with the other one. She smiles like a dork at your actions, realizing she would be content with watching you all day. You're a natural with them, and seeing you in action is something she wishes she had the chance to do more often. With that, she turns around and picks Aera up; the youngster nuzzles into her embrace, lazily slumping onto her after having such a tiring day. As Jisoo goes to take a step forward, she notices something on the ground: a piece of paper. It's been folded neatly many times, and it reminds her of the notes she would always pass to her friends back in elementary school. Her curiosity gets the better of her, and she can't resist the urge to pick it up. 
"To The Girl Who'll Never Know I Love Her"
Her eyes scan across the words and she unfolds the note, making sure to keep a steady grip on Aera with her other arm. An almost unnoticeable signature is scribbled in the bottom corner, and she nearly scares Aera by squealing in pleasant surprise. 
It's your name, curled into the letters that are so uniquely yours; the paper must've fallen out of your pocket when you bent down to get her case earlier. 
After buckling her niece into her car seat and climbing into the driver's seat, Jisoo unfolds the note again and begins reading. She's like a giddy kid all over again, and part of her feels bad for giving into temptation. She reasons with herself by promising to give it back to you the next time she sees you, and that manages to rid her conscience of some of the guilt she feels. For now, though, she's eager to see what it contains. 
The first thing to catch her eye is a poem written neatly underneath a doodle of a rabbit, likely serving as some sort of label. Everyone on campus knows of her nickname and resemblance to rabbits, and she can't help but hope that your drawing wasn't simply a coincidence. 
Poison, is what you are
A bittersweet mix, intoxicatingly beautiful 
For one glance from you
Steals every breath I had so foolishly believed was mine to take
For one smile from you
Sends me reeling, falling all over again
She nearly swoons at the words, rereading them multiple times over and imagining you saying them to her. She wonders how the syllables would fall from your lips, which ones you'd stress to alter the meaning into whatever you imagined when you wrote them. Whether or not they're written for her, she may never know; all she's aware of right now is how they make her feel, and how that feeling is one that she never wants to stop experiencing.
4.) Practice Makes Perfect
2 Weeks, 3 Exams, and 1 Mental Breakdown Later
"Coming!" You call out, using all of your strength to push your rolling chair away from your desk and across the room towards the door. 
"Y/N L/N, at your service," you say, doing a little bow in your seat. Upon looking up to see who's in front of you, your eyes lock with the same girl who's been living in your mind rent free ever since you met her. 
"Jisoo!" You announce a little louder than intended, scrambling up into a standing position before kicking the chair backwards. You wince when it collides with something behind you, filling the room with noise as a few of your knick knacks clatter to the floor. Jisoo has to fight to contain the smile on her lips, pursing them as she looks towards the ground so as to not embarrass you. 
It's too late though -- you've already made a fool of yourself, and right in front of your crush, no less. 
"What can I do for you?" You ask, finally relaxing your face from its previously scrunched up position. 
"Are you busy right now? I have a favor to ask and you might be the only person who can help me out." Her eyebrows raise inquisitively at you, quirking up in that special way they always do when she's focusing in class. 
She could ask you to do just about anything, and you'd be agreeing without hesitation; no questions asked. 
"N-no, just doing a little studying is all. How can I help?" You'd normally curse yourself for sounding so shy, but she looks especially gorgeous tonight and you can't even blame yourself for it. The fluorescent bulbs of the dorm's hallway fail to even put a dent in the glow she's radiating, and that's no small feat -- those horrible little things are usually capable of making anyone look bad, and yet, once again, Jisoo manages to break the mold. 
"Mrs. Choi assigned a rehearsal for me tonight, and I need a peer to score how well I do. I trust you to do it." She says, having no idea how much her words are affecting you. 
Review portions of the semester are crucial to every major's success, but arguably none so much as those studying to be actors. The peer and admin reviews that they receive account for a large chunk of their grade, so you can imagine how nerve-racking it would be to put that kind of power in someone else's hands. You're touched that she trusts you with it. 
"I'd love to help, Jisoo. Just curious, though: why don't you have one of the girls help? They probably know more about it than me, after all." Everyone knows how close JenChuLiChaeng are, so her decision to choose you is genuinely intriguing. 
Shit. For some reason, Jisoo hadn't anticipated that you'd ask that question. The thought had never crossed her mind earlier, when she was preoccupied with convincing herself to come in the first place, so she has to think something up on the fly. 
"They're all busy with work. Couldn't afford to lose any precious cramming time, you know?" She says, a hint of nervousness behind the small laugh she lets out. It's uncharacteristic for her, considering she's usually so confident all the time, but you think it's adorable.
"Ryujin's the same way," you tease, turning your head to look at your roommate. She's across the room on her bed, reading through her book as she holds her middle finger up to let you know she heard your comment. "What a sweetie," you coo, blowing a kiss at her that makes her roll her eyes and smile despite herself. She pretends to be hardcore, but after spending the past few months with her you've discovered that she's actually the human embodiment of a cinnamon roll. 
"Well," you say, turning back to Jisoo, "when do you have to start?" 
She pulls her sleeve back to glance at her watch before returning her gaze to you. "Gotta be back at the dorm in 10 minutes." 
Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise, the inner honor student in you already panicking. "10 minutes?! It's all the way across campus, Jisoo!" 
She laughs at you now, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth. "I'm kidding; we still have a couple hours. You should've seen your face, though. Priceless." 
"That's no way to treat someone who practically has your grade resting in their hands." You say smugly, a little smirk playing on your lips when her jaw drops dramatically.
"You wouldn't dare," she narrows her eyes, referencing the notion that you might give her bad marks because of that little prank. 
"Maybe, or maybe not. Perhaps I'll be merciful if you take me to get something to eat first." 
"Food as a peace offering? Alright, I can do that."
You smile, doing a dorky little cheer at that. "Okay, I'll be right out; just give me a second to make myself look presentable." 
Jisoo accepts your words with a curt nod, but she wants to tell you that you already look more than presentable. When you first opened the door earlier and she saw you in your study glasses, she couldn't help but smile like a fool; you're adorable, especially to her, and she wishes you could see that. 
A couple minutes later you exit your dorm and find her leaned up against the hallway wall, her hands fidgeting in front of her. Is she nervous?
"So, where would you like to go?" You ask, pulling the thin material of your jacket over your shoulders. It's lightweight -- seeing as how the weather doesn't call for a large one -- and it feels soft against your skin. 
As the two of you fall into step with each other, she responds, "It's up to you, princess. Since I'm at your mercy and all." Her smirk is visible in your peripheral. 
The nickname causes your heart to flutter in your chest, thudding around even harder than it had before. "U-uh, how about the noodle place?" You suggest, trying not to cringe at the stutter in your voice. You've heard that she likes chicken and ramen, and that shop is known as the best restaurant on campus for it. 
"110%. You know me so well," she says dreamily, batting her eyelashes at you with a silly smile. 
"Called it," you retort, brushing your shoulder off nonchalantly. "Now come on, I'm hungry and ready to spend all of your money." Her hand slips into yours when you reach down for it, almost instinctively, feeling like it was meant to be there all along, and you tug her down the hallway towards the elevator. 
----
"I know! If Mr. Johnson assigns another project like that then I'll politely be jumping out a window." 
Jisoo laughs at how animated you are, even having to stop chewing her mouthful of food momentarily to make sure she doesn't choke. She really loves hanging out with you; you make everything fun, and all of the stress she feels on a daily basis seems to vanish into thin air. 
"I did pretty bad on that last one," Jisoo adds, grimacing as she remembers her score. 
"You literally got a 93 out of 100, shut up." You shake your head with an amused smile, reaching across the table to snatch a piece of gimbap from her plate. 
"Hey--" she goes to yell at you, but her phone vibrates against the table, successfully stopping her. 
"Hello?" She answers, silently starting a chopstick war with you when you reach for another piece. When the person on the other end begins talking, she stops playing in order to concentrate on what they're saying. 
"Did she cancel?" She asks, furrowing her brow as her lips form into a natural pout. She sighs, rubbing her temple gently as the conversation continues. "Okay, I'm out with a friend right now, but you can go ahead and head that way. We'll meet you there. Alright, love you, too. Bye." 
You raise an eyebrow, wordlessly requesting info about what new plan you're being involved in. "That was my brother; the babysitter cancelled on them last minute, so we have to watch Aera for a few hours." Jisoo loves her niece dearly, but she can't deny that she wanted to spend the evening alone with you. She's afraid the little girl will steal all of your attention away, as childish as that may seem. 
"You're such a good person," you compliment, only to frown when she brushes off your words. "I mean it, Jisoo. You always take care of everybody around you; it's admirable. Now take the compliment or I'll team up with Aera later and tease you." 
She rolls her eyes with a smile, saying, "You're gonna do that regardless." 
"That's not the point," you pout, stomping your foot on the ground lightly. 
"Fine; tis I, Jisoo, the greatest person in all of existence. Happy now?" 
"Ecstatic." You beam at her, returning back to your cheery self. "I'll go grab some boxes for us, okay?" She nods, and you scurry off on your mission. 
----
Back At Jisoo's Dorm
Images flash across the large, flatscreen TV mounted to the wall across from you, displaying scenes of whatever cartoon the network decided to air right now. Aera isn't being picky; she's content with sitting in your lap, mindlessly fidgeting with the necklace that loosely dangles from your neck as she remains entranced by the screen. Your arms are around her to make her feel secure, and her small frame racks against you with every sweet giggle she lets out anytime a new joke is told by one of her favorite characters. 
Jisoo observes from the kitchen, leaning back against the countertop to settle in while she waits for Aera's favorite snack to heat up. She watches as you point to various things on the TV, having her name the ones she knows and teaching her others that she doesn't. 
She loves seeing you like this. You're beaming in that special way that sets her heart on fire, and the flames are only fanned when you turn to look at her. Somehow, the sight reminds her of the first time she met you:
It was orientation week -- the beginning of the school year -- and you were taking a tour around campus with some of your friends. You were lucky to have them; you'd only kept in contact with a handful of people from high school, knowing full well that most of those relationships were only rooted in superficiality, never meant to last. But this motley crew was different; they saw you for you, and all of you genuinely enjoyed each other's company. It didn't have the same air of awkward tension as the fake friendships had -- this was real and honest, and you thanked your lucky stars for them on the daily. 
All of you had managed to get into your dream schools, and the reality was bittersweet; you'd all be moving away from each other and beginning your own lives, having less and less time for each other in the process. You were beyond proud of them, and yourself, for that matter, but it still hurt to think that they wouldn't be just a few blocks away anymore. That you couldn't just swing by their house to go on a late night drive through the city like you used to. As exciting as your new experiences were bound to be, part of you was terrified; your life up until now had been fairly safe, creating a little security blanket to protect you from all that life had in store, but now you were on your own and the idea was a bit daunting. The memories you made together comforted you, though, and kept the sadness at bay. 
"Dude, this place is sick. How did you manage to make it in again?"
"Because she's smart, dumbass. We should be asking you that question."
"Ouch, (Friend's Name), that hurt."
"Do you still have those chips from earlier? I'm starving over here."
"Yeah, here, they're in my bag."
Pockets of separate conversations can be heard from behind you, all of your friends chatting away while you walk ahead of them, map and schedule in hand. The campus is fairly large, and with so many buildings and classrooms it's easy to get confused. You continue walking, running a finger along the map to trace the path you intend to take towards the Help Center. 
In your preoccupied state, you don't even realize that you're headed straight for a trash can that sits on the sidewalk, mere seconds away from colliding with it. 
A passerby notices just in the nick of time, reaching an arm out in front of you to prevent the accident with a noise of warning. You tense up, not expecting the sudden interruption, and look up into the eyes of your savior. Her dark orbs peer back at you, an innocent gleam in them when she sees your lips slowly tug into a smile. 
She mirrors your actions, neither of you saying anything yet. You couldn't utter a word even if you wanted to; her beauty leaves you speechless. 
"That was close," she says quietly, only to you. Your friends have almost caught up with you now, still busy with their own conversations, though they'll tease you once they see a gorgeous stranger's arm wrapped around you. 
"Thank you," you breathe out, clearing your throat as you take a step away from her. 
"Ooh, who's this, Y/N?" One of your friends coos, garnering a chorus of childish "oohs" and kissy noises from the others. Why are they so obnoxious?
You apologetically glance at the girl one more time before turning around to respond to them, but she speaks up before you can. 
"Kim Jisoo." She introduces, facing them with a wide smile. It's easy to see that she's done this before; her tone is pleasant and light, not even a hint of hesitancy in it. She's used to being the center of attention; you can tell by the way she carries herself and commands the space. 
"I see you guys are taking a tour, right?" She looks between all of you, though her eyes linger on you for a second too long to be brushed off as 'just friendly'. 
You nod, saying, "I can't find my last class. It's a Gen Ed one; World History, room 435. The map says it's in Complex D, but the room was vacant when we went by."
She listens intently, paying attention to your every word. "They must've handed out the old maps by accident, then. Mr. Johnson had to move rooms to accommodate larger class sizes. When do you have him?" 
You unfold your schedule again, gazing down at the slightly crumpled sheet until your eyes find their target. "Tuesdays and Thursdays, 1PM." 
Upon registering what you said, Jisoo does her best to contain the grin that threatens to spread across her face. "Ah, same as me! I can take you to the room, if you'd like. That way you can find it next week." She offers, pleased by the fact that she'll be seeing you more often. Your cute mannerisms have already thrown her for a loop, and she wants to get to know you better. 
"That would be great." You let out a relieved laugh, releasing the worry you felt; tours are meant to end within 20 minutes or so, and before Jisoo came you were afraid you'd never find your last class. She's saving the day again, it seems. 
"Great, follow me," she smiles warmly, placing a gentle hand on the small of your back to turn you in the right direction. When you give your friends one last glance over your shoulder, you find them giving you thumbs up with smirks on their faces. One of them puckers their lips at you, and you stick your tongue out in return. 
You're not sure what they'll end up doing while you finish your tour, though it'll likely involve either skating or eating fast food. They have each other to keep themselves entertained, so you're not worried about them in the slightest. You make a mental note to text them when you're done to meet up again. 
Jisoo smiles like an idiot when she realizes what's happening behind her, failing miserably to hide it when you spin back around and give your full attention to her. 
"What?" You ask, leaning in closer to her to nudge her shoulder when she looks away, blushing. 
"Nothing," she shakes her head, only to be prompted by you again. "You're just cute, is all." 
You have to use all your power to hold back the squeal you want to let out at hearing that. Kim Jisoo, as you now know her to be, thinks you're cute? You must be dreaming. 
"That's funny, I don't remember turning into a mirror."
"Yah, babo!" She chuckles, not expecting that as she smacks the back of your head with no real force. The two of you share a laugh and continue talking while you make your way to the room.
Beeping sounds from the microwave bring Jisoo back down to Earth, causing the pleasant memory to fade more and more with every incessant signal that cuts through the air. She grabs a couple heat guards and approaches the machine, carefully opening the steaming package and pouring its contents into a big, shareable bowl. Though it may be Aera's favorite food, she'd be damned to not make enough for the two of you as well. After all, keeping her entertained will take plenty of energy. 
"Did this princess order one heaping bowl of popcorn or am I at the wrong castle?" Jisoo plays, padding into the room with a bright smile on her face as she looks over at her niece. The smell of her snack snaps Aera back to reality, making her eyes light up with pure joy as she leaps off of your lap and runs to Jisoo. She wraps her arms around her legs, thanking her in that sweet little voice of hers as she gazes up at her aunt with stars in her eyes. 
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She chants, wiggling her body around in excitement. She lets go when Jisoo goes to walk to the couch, following close behind her like an eager puppy. 
She approaches you again, making grabby hands for you to lift her onto your lap even though she's more than capable of getting up there by herself. Nevertheless, you pull her up with a humored grin, watching as she puts her hands in her lap and patiently waits for the two of you to get a bite first. Her ability to follow manners is commendable, though the slight twitch of her lip when she gets a whiff of the food is pretty adorable. 
"Dig in," you say around your mouthful of food, locking eyes with Jisoo when Aera jumps at the opportunity to follow your instructions. You never have to tell her twice when it comes to food. 
"Yep, definitely related." 
Jisoo laughs at your comment, reaching over top of Aera to flick you in the forehead. She shrugs at your pained exclamation, uttering a nonchalant "Sorry, not sorry," as the two of you crack up together.
----
"Y/N, how the hell did you manage to do that?" Jisoo whispers, not bothering to censor herself when she sees Aera fast asleep in your arms. It's not like she could hear her anyway. 
"She was already kinda tired when she got here; I just made sure to get that last little bit of energy out with the games. Have you forgotten that I know a thing or two about kids?" You tease, turning to her with a smile when you finish walking up the short staircase. 
"You don't understand: usually it takes us hours to settle her down. She's just a totally different person around you." 
"Must be my awesomeness." 
"Hmm, must be," Jisoo hums, quietly opening her bedroom door for you and watching as you carefully lay Aera down. You tuck her under the blankets with care, making sure to brush the hair out of her face and adjust her pillow a bit. Jisoo leans against the doorframe, adding the scene before her to her list of reasons for loving you. Seeing you in such a domestic situation gives her baby fever, and she has to push the persistent feeling away. 
"Ready?" You whisper with one last look over your shoulder, giving Jisoo your undivided attention once you confirm that Aera's alright. 
"Let's do it," she says, pulling the door to but not latching it. The two of you will be in the living room, just down the hall, and you want to be able to hear her in case she needs something. So responsible.
You take in the dorm as Jisoo leads you towards your destination, amazed at how much bigger it is than yours and Ryujin's. This one has separate rooms equipped with their own personal bathrooms, a decent kitchen, and, of course, a living area. Clearly, having ties to the school and being president of the student council come with some major perks. Your socked feet pad against the hardwood floor, and you close what little distance is left between Jisoo and yourself to press your body against her back, wrapping your arms around her. She lets out a little noise of surprise, but doesn't protest; she tucks one of her hands into your clasped ones and uses the other to rub your forearm. 
A few moments later you plop down onto the couch and get comfortable on the cushions. Jisoo digs around in her bag that leans against the tv stand, searching for the script of her upcoming production. Her shirt rides up slightly, giving you a perfect view of her beautifully sculpted stomach, and her skin looks ethereal as it glows in the soft lamplight of the room. Embarrassed for admiring her in such a way, you avert your gaze, failing to notice how she subtly bites her lip as she approaches you; she planned that little show, and it worked. 
"Okay, so here's the scoring sheet," she hands you a semi-formal looking paper, along with a pencil and clipboard to use as a stabilizer. "I'll be reading from the first few pages on my own, but I was wondering if you'd fill in for the male lead for some of the other parts? It's a lot easier to get into character if I have someone's energy to feed off of." 
You smile at how cute she sounded with her little rambled request, and nod. "Of course, Jisoo. I doubt I'll be any good, though." She releases a sigh at that, happy to have you agree; her plan is coming along nicely, but there's always room for things to go wrong. 
"I'm sure you're better than you think." 
"Stop sucking up, Chu. Flattery won't make me raise your grade," you warn, pointing the pencil at her sternly. Your tone sends a shiver down her spine, though it goes unnoticed by you. 
"Let's just get started." She concludes, doing her best to keep from getting too flustered under your already watchful eye. 
----
Her show is well underway, caught somewhere towards the end of act two, and you're enthralled by the performance she's giving. The paper that once rested in your lap is marked up with comments of praise and proud annotations to accompany your high scoring, though now it lays forgotten about on the coffee table, serving no purpose any longer. You finished all of the required sections necessary for your peer review, and now you're just enjoying the journey that Jisoo is continuing to take you on. 
You look back up into her eyes after reading off the lines of the character you're filling in for, looking completely unskilled next to the pure talent that she's exuding. She stands from the couch, looking down at you with an exasperated expression as she remains in character. 
"You don't get it!" She raises her voice slightly, though not loud enough to wake Aera. Even while in the intense mindset she has to be in for her character, she keeps one foot in the reality of this world, making sure to behave appropriately. 
"Enlighten me, then." You stand and retort, shifting a bit closer to her after reciting your line. 
"Only when I'm with you do I feel true happiness. Your kind eyes bring me comfort like no other; I'm safe in your arms. For you, my love," she pauses, her eyes brimming with tears from the emotional words she's spent so much time rehearsing. "...there isn't a thing in this world that I wouldn't do." Your breath is held tightly in your throat, and your hands subconsciously grip onto the material of your jeans. 
Only now do you realize how close the two of you have migrated to one another; she's merely a breath away, so close you can feel the warmth radiating from her. You swallow thickly, feeling your nerves come alive with every second that passes in heated silence, neither of you knowing what to do now. You've lost the desire to read your next line, and she doesn't seem too upset by that fact. Her eyes slowly scan over your features, and the lovesick look in them makes you question if she's still in character or slipping out of it. 
After her gaze darts down to your lips and she licks her own without even realizing it, you seriously begin hoping for the latter of the two options.
She searches your face for any sign of refusal as she leans in closer, now bringing her arms up to wrap around your waist and lightly ball the material of your shirt up into her fists. Your hands rest on her shoulders, and you glide your fingertips over her jawline. A singular nod is the last form of consent that you give her before she pulls you closer. 
Her lips ghost over yours, receiving some of the vanilla balm you applied earlier; her breath hitches when you tug at the collar of her university sweater, teasingly taking her bottom lip between your teeth. She wants to savor this moment, so she fights against her urge to dive right in and get lost in you. 
Within seconds, she's kicking herself for that decision. 
"Auntie? Y/N?" Aera calls sleepily from just around the corner, making the two of you spring away from each other. When she appears less than a second later, you realize how close you had been to getting caught. Jisoo refuses to meet your gaze when you look towards her, and that simple action disheartens you a bit.
"Hey, sweetheart. Bad dream?" You ask, using your inference skills after noticing the way that she's clutching her stuffed bunny close to her chest. Her lip trembles as she nods, and the sight breaks your heart. Quickly, you pick her up again, assuring her that she's safe and that you'd slay any monster that dared to hurt her, even in her dreams. A small smile tugs at her lips, and she brings a fist up to rub her eye. "How about this: I'll do a quadruple check of the room for you, and stay with you until you fall asleep. Sound good?" 
She utters a tired, "Yes, Y/N-yah", before laying her head on your shoulder and waving a goodbye towards Jisoo as you take her back to the room. 
Four sweeps of the room and one fight with a ghost later, you tuck her in again and lay a sweet kiss to her forehead. "Love you," she mumbles lazily, making your heart melt. Kids say that phrase quickly, without even realizing the weight that it has, but you're always glad to accept whatever they imagine it to be. Whether she loves you for playing with her, tucking her in, or defending her honor against imaginary monsters, you don't really care all that much -- she loves you in the ways that she knows how, and that's all that matters.
"I love you, too, Aera. Sleep well." You tuck a piece of hair behind her ear and settle against the wall, prepared to come through on your promise. 
----
"Hey," you start, albeit a bit awkwardly. 
"Hey," Jisoo returns, pushing her leftovers from the restaurant around her plate half-heartedly. You approach the marble countertop that she sits behind, silently begging for her to look up at you. 
"Should we talk about earlier?" You quietly ask, picking at imaginary imperfections on the surface of the countertop. 
"What about it?" 
"We practically kissed--"
"It was in the script to do so, Y/N." She says, finally looking up at you. She sounds a bit hostile now, like she's getting defensive for some unknown reason. 
"Oh," the simple utterance is all you can manage, seeing as how your brain is running a mile a minute. You want to ask if it meant anything else to her -- if she would've taken it farther, had Aera not walked in -- but you don't.  Her tone serves as enough of an answer, and you're not sure you could stand to hear her verbalize your fears anyway. 
"Well I guess I should go, then." You retract your hand and put it in your pocket, realizing how stupid you were for thinking she could like you back. She doesn't; she was just in need of a helping hand tonight, and you offered that. You shouldn't have tried to turn it into anything that it wasn't. 
Hearing the disappointment in your voice makes her want to confess right then and there, but something still holds her back -- some force is yelling at her to keep her feelings hidden for fear of rejection. "I can drive you." 
You shake your head. "Nah, it's okay. I'll have Ryujin come get me. You can't leave Aera here and I wouldn't want to have to wake her up just for you to drive me across campus." Jisoo agrees, realizing that she didn't even think about that at first. 
"Goodnight, Jisoo." You say, heading off towards the front door. She returns the gesture, reminding you to be safe as she locks it behind you and watches you dial up your roommate's number. Before long, she pulls into one of the parking spaces in front of the dorm, and the two of you drive away. 
Click Here For Part 2
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Meeting and Dating Charlie Dillon
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(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)
- You and Charlie see each other a few times before you actually meet. You’d been going to the all girls boarding school since you were fourteen so you’d obviously seen “the big men on campus” from time to time; usually at your schools joint dances. 
- And you’d always thought Charlie was handsome but you didn’t know him just yet. You thought he was handsome in the same way you think a person on the street is handsome, you give them a passing glance, acknowledge the obvious in your mind and maybe have a little “what if” sort of idea but then you move on. 
- It isn’t until you manage to be introduced to each other that things start looking up.
- It’s before a big football game and you’re there with your parents, or with a guy friends parents, to cheer on the football playing boy in your life. It’s then that Charlie appears and is greeted by the boy as he passes, prompting him to stop and chat for a few minutes.
- Your brother/friend introduces the two of you and you exchange a few quick pleasantries before him and the other boy go off and find their team. After they do so, you and the family find your seats and watch as the team plays; and later as they win the game. 
- Once the game is over, you meet back up with who you were there for and start to say your goodbyes. You pass Charlie as you’re walking back to your car so you stop and congratulate him on the win, telling him that it was nice meeting him. 
- He gives you an award winning smile and tells you that it was nice meeting you too, and for a split second, as he watches you get inside your car and talk with the other boy through the window, he forgets about how disappointed in himself he is. 
- He spends most of the night thinking about how many times he fumbled the ball, but every now and again, the image of you drifts though his mind and he finds himself picturing you in vivid detail: how you smiled at him, how earnestly happy for him you were, how pretty you looked in the fleeting sunlight. 
- It seems at least one good thing came out of that day....
- The next time you meet is a chance encounter as you’re out with your family and some family friends for dinner. He’s a few tables away and takes notice of you as you’re sitting alone, waiting for your group to be back from their separate conversations elsewhere in the dining area. 
- Once he sees you, he excuses himself and walks over, saying hello and talking with you for a little while before asking if you’d like to dance. Once you agree, he takes your hand and helps you up from your seat, leading you into the dancing area. 
- At least on the outside, Charlie is the exact type of boy that most parents want their daughter to date. The all American, upper class football player who pretty much has a full ride into Harvard, what better is there? So when they return to find you dancing with him, chances are, they aren’t going to rush to pull you back to the table. 
- So, you and Charlie dance and talk until one of your families decides that they “really must be going” and excuses you from your embrace. 
- But that little dance was all it took, he smiles at you and tells you that he hopes to see you again, already planning on how to ask you out before you’re even out the door. 
- Chances are, someone probably spotted you on the dancefloor together and later asks Charlie about you, to which he makes some bragging ambiguous comment that leads everyone into thinking that you’re a couple. So it’s really quite lucky that, when he calls you up a few days later, you do agree to go out on a date with him. 
- Regardless of the fact that most of his school and some of yours think that you’re already dating, the two of you go out to an ice cream parlor for your first date that next Friday and you have a really great time with him. 
- And, though he considers the fact that you went on a date to sort of mean that the two of you are dating, you share your first kiss after a couple more dates. He’d sort of surprised you with it but you weren’t really complaining.
- Technically, he’d been trying to kiss you all night so I guess that’s mainly why it surprised you: the only way he finally managed to do it was by doing it swiftly before you could cluelessly turn your head or move onto something else. So yeah, it was a little abrupt but it was still pleasantly accepted by you. 
- You don’t get a formal “will you be my girlfriend” but after that, he calls you “his girl” and everyone thinks that you’re dating. And since you have no issue with that, you just accept that you’re dating a handsome, Harvard ready preppie. 
- Charlie wants to show off that you’re “his girl” no matter where you are so there’s quite a bit of Pda in your relationship. Although, if you’re around his parents then his mother probably scolds him for “being all over you”, which him and his father usually laugh off. 
- His hand on your back or his arm wrapped around your waist.
- Temple and cheek kisses.
- Chaste, cheerful kisses when he’s happy and excited.
- Soft, slow kisses when he’s in a more serious mood. You’re probably his first girlfriend; or one of his first girlfriends, so these types of kisses are usually laced with hesitancy. He’ll look into your eyes and lean in slowly, softly brushing his lips to yours waiting for you to kiss him back. 
- Long makeout sessions. He always ends up with mussed up hair and his lips tinted the shade of your lipstick. 
- How the two of you cuddle really depends on what you’re trying to accomplish. It isn’t exclusive to this but if he’s having a bad day or you want to talk, then you’ll wind up with his head tucked under your chin and his hands tracing patterns on your back and sides; along with your hands running through his hair. Other times, you’ll spoon interchangeably. 
- Charlie loves using pet names; particularly when he’s trying to show off. Like I said before, he calls you his girl, but he’ll also call you things like honey and sweetheart. 
- Considering the way your lives are, the two of you don’t get to see each other incredibly often, but you learn to make things work. There’s a lot of waiting around for phone calls and spending holidays together and trying to shuffle around activities to find time for dates. 
- Jumping into his arms when you reunite. Like I said before, you don't get to see him extremely often, so you’re always ecstatic when he shows up and/or surprises you; and he loves seeing you all excited to see him. 
- Phone calls. He likes calling you to say goodnight or plan a date every now and again but he definitely gets at least somewhat embarrassed to say “I love you” if his friends are around. 
- Says “god, I know” when you tell him that he looks good or handsome. You always roll your eyes and push him as he smiles a shit eating grin. 
- He really cares about his looks, especially his hair, and it’s always immaculate which makes you want to mess it up; the fact that it annoys him only makes you want to do it more. 
- He absolutely does the real life equivalent of an 80s movie dress up montage as he gets ready for your dates and I will not be convinced otherwise. 
- He brags about you constantly. Everyone who knows him knows that the two of you are dating.
- Dancing together. He likes pressing his face to yours and keeping you as close as he can. 
- Family dinners and get togethers with his parents. They always insist that you join them whenever they’re going to do something. 
- Going to the diner and other teen hangouts. 
- He definitely steals your food constantly. This boy is almost always eating so if you’re into baking or cooking then you’ve found the perfect man.
- Ice cream parlor dates. 
- Soda shop dates. 
- Pool dates. He definitely has a pool at his house and you can’t deny that it’s nice seeing him without a shirt and watching as he shows his different jumps and flips into the water or the show of him shaking the water out of his hair. The only downside is his occasional; or frequent, attempts at throwing or carrying you into the pool.
- Picnics in the park. I can just picture him laying between or resting against your legs and tossing a football in the air as he talks with you.
- He always gets the biggest smile on his face when he sees you and when he’s with you. He especially gets a big smile on his face when he sees you all dressed up; he just thinks you’re the prettiest.
- Late night dates; and maybe sneaking out to see each other.
- He’s probably taken you out to that lake and the two of you have sat there on the dock and talked all night; probably with him giving you his jacket because it’s cold.
- Helping him study and reassuring him that he’s gonna do fine. Study dates are some of the only times where you get to see the magnitude of how stressed out and serious he can get. 
- Trying to help him calm down and loosen up whenever school and all other aspects of his life get too hectic, stressful or upsetting. 
- He definitely has your picture in his dresser drawer and it’s one of the things that bring him the most comfort when he’s frustrated. 
- Wearing his class ring. 
- Having quick conversations before football games. He thinks it’s good luck to see you and talk before he plays; and he finds it comforting to get a little reassurance from you before he goes out on the field.
- Him trying to impress you with his football “skills”. Charlie isn’t awful but he certainly isn’t the greatest, but you didn’t get with him for his football playing so you just congratulate him on wins and pretend like you didn’t notice his fumbles; if you even did to begin with.
- He loves being able to make you laugh; it makes him feel so cool. 
- He definitely spoils you. It’s both because he loves you so much and wants you to be happy; and grew up with his father doing the same for his mother, but also because he wants to show you that he can provide for you and that you won’t find another boy your age who can do the same thing for you, which isn’t the greatest mindset but he is a rich kid. 
- He got you this special necklace pretty early on in your relationship and it might arguably be like, a little too much, but you accepted it anyways because you really liked him. 
- Charlies got a big mouth, he blurts stuff out without thinking, so you’re oftentimes giving him looks or hitting his arm or telling him what not to say. 
- Charlies also; on the outside, the stereotypical all American good boy that every parent in the 1950′s wanted their daughter to date. He’s rich, he’s clean cut and he’s pretty much perfect. He can probably do no wrong in the eyes of your parents so they'll likely be very happy to let you go out with him. 
- Being a little jealous of Sally. I mean, the girls gorgeous and she’s been around and is around your boyfriend constantly. You don’t think he’d cheat on you but it’s still a bit difficult seeing them together. 
- He’d be completely surprised when he realizes that you’re jealous; and jealous over him. It might not be the nicest but he’d absolutely find a sort of sick satisfaction in you being jealous. Like, the fact that you value him that much and feel the same feelings that he does would be reassuring to him. 
- Being a big part of the David situation: whether it be you forcing him not to do anything or breaking up with him for a while or otherwise being the reason that he doesn't find out or at least do anything about his findings. 
- He’s legitimately a bit insecure about himself and his family ties s he might, on occasion, think that you’re just with him for his name and his status. But at the same time, he’s okay with that because at least he has you. 
- You constantly reassure him that you love him and that you love him for him, and scoff whenever he even insinuates that you might not. And sometimes you’ll prove to him that how you feel is real, which might not be the best resolution but it’s certainly one of the funnest. 
- He’s a pretty jealous person. He cuts in whenever someone tries flirting with you or shows interest in you, though how he does it depends on where you are or who they are. Sometimes he’ll save face and just excuse you from the situation or politely join in and show that he’s your boyfriend.
- Other times he just goes straight to throwing around his popularity and status, acting like a bit of a jerk and maybe making you a little annoyed in the process. 
- He rarely has a reason to be protective over you so he tends to not be, but he’s definitely one of those naively ignorant boys who was raised on the belief that women are dainty and more fragile. So there’s that and his possessiveness which accumulates into him being; in theory, somewhat protective. 
- Charlies a bit hot tempered, he’ll say and do things he doesn't mean; particularly when he’s upset, so the two of you might fight quite often and possibly temporarily break up from time to time. 
- He gets a little worried when you’re obviously angry or upset after an argument and he almost always tries to smooth things over and apologize; which he oftentimes does so fairly quickly after or during arguments regardless. 
- If you do wind up ambiguously breaking up then he’ll probably curse your name; not meaning it, and cry a little: both in frustration, anger and sadness. He’ll later do whatever he can to make things up to you and apologize, trying to get you to forgive him however he can and possibly finally get a hug or kiss. 
- He prefers to show you he loves you rather than tell you. He just gets a little shy about actually saying the words; though he loves hearing you say it. 
- He already acts like your husband so it’s pretty much a given that he’s going to propose. He probably wants to do it as soon as possible and start your life together; the all American dream: a white picket fence, two kids, and a dog. It’s a sitcom story but with him it’s possible to have a future that idealistic. 
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espritmuse · 3 years
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Zeke and Reiner birthday collab!! It was supposed to be longer but my sens of organisations is close to zero so I was late as usual @saccharine-darling collab!!!
4K words, smut ahead (but not that much lol)
Warning: reader is low-key cheating, semi public sex maybe angst too idk….
Perhaps the sun, always glorious and a harbinger of delight and bliss, reminded you of how dull and dreary your life was, while the moon and its obscurity brought you back to your slumbers and reveries.
On a bright day when everything seemed dark, questioning your relationship with Reiner, you met him, Zeke Yeager, like a light among the stars, like the moon eclipsing the sun for a mere moment, but maybe long enough to forget about how bright the sun used to shine.
—LUNAR ECLIPSE—
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A single tiny piece of sunshine that seemed to escape from the firmament to find refuge, a curtain slightly ajar so that the darkness did not take over the whole room and one side of the bed unmade, the grey cotton sheets crumpled as usual, as they have been every morning for several months now. It was all these little details, in addition to your noisy alarm clock, the passers-by and the cars in the city streets, that brought you out of your long and sweet reverie, the one that allowed you to escape from your daily life, which was morose, to say the least.
You gathered up what courage you had left and got up after stretching your numb limbs from the awkward position you had been in while sleeping. Walking a few steps to reach the window, you opened the shutters and curtains to finally let the sweet sunshine into the sad room, which needed it. Although you had no desire to see him again, your stomach was just rumbling with anticipation of anything that might fill it. So you opened the white wooden door, turned the gold handle, and headed for the main room of your little flat.
"Morning." You greeted with a sigh before opening one of the small doors in the wall shelves to pick up a black patterned mug into which you poured coffee straight from the coffee pot.
"Hm." The short-haired man simply replied without even bothering to look in your direction, as if he didn't care about your presence anymore.
You didn't even care, you'd taught your heart not to feel bruised by every loveless move he made. He just couldn't stand you anymore, he didn't love you like he used to. You don't know what changed, what you could have done to make your sweet and loving boyfriend suddenly change his behaviour.. The idea that he had met someone else had crossed your mind more than once, but you didn't even dare ask him; you were frightened of the answer he might address you. Despite his silence, you never stopped loving him and it hurt you deeply that he could have gone to someone else, another girl, maybe more beautiful, funnier... It's all these questions that have little by little pushed you away from him in your turn.
"Did you sleep well? It was hot last night and I had a little trouble falling asleep.” But you tried to talk to him, no matter what, you always found something to say to try to reconnect with the man you loved.
With the summer, the heat and the sun, he had even more excuses to go out at all hours of the day so you had even less opportunity to see him. At times you can't help but think back to the days when you would jump into his arms as soon as you heard his keys turn in the front door lock, when you would spend the evening in each other's arms whispering sweet nothings. You think back on those moments with great melancholy, you don't even feel like the same man anymore.
“Yeah.” Once again, he didn't look at you; his head was turned towards the television, which was showing a programme even more boring than the questions you were asking him to break the ice. Slumped on the sofa, his left leg stretched out and the other bent; you sat down next to him and put your cup on the living room’s small coffee table.
"We could go out today, don't you think? I miss when we used to go for walks in the city Reiner." You asked, your eyes on him, and thankfully you noticed a small movement in his regard as if in a second he had recalled happy memories, memories where everything still seemed perfect.
"I...I already have stuff planned." He replied after a short moment, his gaze still evasive.
"Oh...Okay." You simply answered, not wanting to annoy him longer, maybe that was the reason; you were too much on his back, you were asking for too much attention...
Silently sipping your coffee, you pondered for a moment, your mind elsewhere. After a few minutes of communicating to yourself, you made your settlement. You were going to go out without him, you didn’t need him for everything. It had been weeks since you had been out with just yourself and you were beginning to miss it; when you officially moved in with him, away from your family, you lost touch with many of your friends so it was high time to meet new people and have some fun for once.
So the day passed, the noon and then the afternoon; you had decided to go out at night to appreciate everything even better, the big lights on the main boulevard, itself filled with people dancing -contrasting with their morose faces of the day-, the bars full of life, the stars overhanging the sky and giving it a bit of light in its solitary gloom...Everything seemed more beautiful once the sun was down. Perhaps the sun, always bright and a harbinger of delight and hapiness, reminded you of how dull and dreary your life was, while the moon and its night brought you back to your slumbers and reveries.
Using your phone, you took down the address of a bar in your town that you had spotted earlier on one of your walks. It was quite big but seemed to be a bit of an upmarket bar, given the prices of the drinks. But you didn't give up, it was your night out, all to yourself and it didn't matter if you ended up broke, you wanted to have fun for once.
So when night fell, you put on your best evening dress, a short black dress, hugging your body to perfection without being too tight, and your pumps of the same colour - a little high and uncomfortable, but that would be a problem for later -. And of course, you took forever to make yourself beautiful in the bathroom, make-up, eyebrows, nails... Who knows, maybe you were going to meet someone, or maybe somewhere in the back of your mind, you wished Reiner would see you like this, that he would fall in love with you again like he did a few years before when he saw you at that campus party. You would have liked him to compliment you, to ask you to stay home, or even to ask you out instead; but none of that; he was already off somewhere while you were primping in the next room.
Turning the key in the lock of the front door, you then went down the stairs quickly - trying not to fall with your impractical high heels - and went to the taxi you had ordered beforehand because, although the bar was not far away, you were still a woman in a short dress at night and you didn't want to put your life in danger. Once in the car, the driver began to drive carefully, exchanging a word or two with you so that the journey would not be too boring.
"So, a girls' night out? It's a beautiful day right now, even at night, you're lucky to see the stars in the city, with the pollution, not everyone gets to see them so often." The man says to you, hands on the wheel, looking straight ahead, preparing to brake at the red light.
"Yeah, that's right. I'm going out to have some fun." You simply replied to the white-haired, long-bearded widow with the same unkempt light colour.
"In my day, me and my friends used to run out of bars, unpaid!" He recalled with a smile as he looked at you through the car window to look at your smiling face, too. "So if you need me to wait for you outside the bar so you can escape, don't hesitate, the police have never caught me...yet."
"It's going to be hard for me to run around with these things on my feet...but I'll make a note, the prices are outrageous." You replied to his somewhat amusing remark.
The car had been driving for several minutes now and you saw the front of the bar, so the driver pulled over and waited for you to give him the money for the fare, which you said after digging into your wallet for a few seconds.
“Take care of yourself miss” He finally said before rolling up the driver's side window and leaving.
You breathed out a deep breath before crossing the street that separated you from the place. It was, like all the other signs of this kind, much more animated at this hour and more beautiful too. Its many lights of all colours and the people who surrounded it, some outside to smoke or drink and others, inside laughing with friends, that you could see between the half-open doors... All this gave an astonishing charm to this place.
Your legs a little shaky with hesitation, you finally entered, putting your hands on one of the glass doors to push it open slightly to give yourself more room to pass. You quickly made your way to the bar at the far right of the large room. To avoid people who had already had too much to drink, you stayed close to the walls, walking quickly along them to wait for the right place. Although your steps went in one direction, your eyes, curious as they are, turned towards the dance floor and the other people present. They seemed so happy, full of life, smiling, dancing... You wondered immediately if, like you, their lives were not a reflection of their current emotions, if, like you, they woke up in the morning, sad with the feeling that their lives are meaningless. They seem so happy at the time, but are they really happy once the sun rises, once the bar lights go out?
You took a seat on one of the leather stools placed at the counter, waiting for a waiter to ask you what you wanted to order. A simple whisky, that's what you took when the waiter came towards you.
Sipping your drink -or rather the second one, as you had swallowed the first one in record time-, you continued to look at the others, indefinitely, when you heard a voice break your precious silence; it was the bar's waiter once again but this, this time he was holding a small plate with two drinks on it.
"Excuse me, here," he placed two more glasses of whiskey in front of you, "The man over there paid for you." He nodded towards another part of the room to your puzzled look. In the distance, there was a group of men who looked like businessmen, from the black suits they were still wearing. You didn't know which man he was talking about, there were several of them; two with blond hair, one who looked very effeminate and the other with glasses and a beard; a dark-skinned man with closely shaved hair and finally a dark-haired man who seemed to be smaller in stature, especially compared to one of the blond men beside him.
You turned back your head to its original position, a little smile on your face, proud that your charm was still working, and what's more, on a man who seemed rather attractive - because, even if you didn't know which man the drink came from, the four of them were rather to your liking -
"Is this seat taken?" A deep yet soft voice suddenly asked, taking you out of your reverie.
You turned towards the noise you had just heard and noticed that a young man, about your age or maybe older, was pointing with his index finger at the chair next to yours. He was one of the guys you just saw some minutes prior, one of the blonde, the one with the beard and the round silver glasses.
“Oh...No. No, it’s not, you can take it,” you answered as naturally as possible, with a smile that had not yet left your lips. The unamed man said before sitting on the chair at your right, he had a cup in his hand, half empty.
“So...What a girl like you is doing here..” he leaned over a little to look at the other vacant seat on your left. “...all by herself?”
"Oh well, I was supposed to come with someone but they dropped me... so I preferred to come alone." you replied honestly, your eyes looking into his.
"He doesn't know what he's missing then." He added with a small smile and a discreet wink.
Although the man was attractive, you weren't used to that anymore; going out to bars, being accosted…Since you were with Reiner, you had developed the habit of always replying negatively to the advances of men. But at the moment everything was racing through your brain, you didn't even know what he was doing tonight and he didn't even bother to ask you where you were going, as if he didn't care anymore.
To have fun. That was the promise you made to yourself, and you decided to keep it.
"Zeke, nice to meet you. "You finally told him after he asked your name and, of course, you asked his in return.
Maybe it was the liquor, or maybe it was the sense of freedom you hadn't had the pleasure of feeling in months, but for some reason you'd ended up chatting with him for hours. You knew that time was passing, thanks to the waiter's digital watch that lit up every time he lifted his arm to look for a bottle up high, your eyes were directed straight to the sudden glimpse of light in the darkness.
He offered to dance, which you refused, for fear that your heels would give out under your inexperienced movements - or maybe those embarrassing movements were the real reason - and then he offered you something else, something a little daring, maybe even too daring for the short time you'd both been sitting at the bar.
You accepted, without even considering too much, maybe you should have? or maybe the adrenaline and the alcohol in your veins spoke for you. This man had appeared like lightning in the middle of a storm, the moon in the middle of a sky devoid of light. In other words, he was there at the right time.
So there you were, without really knowing how or why, sitting on the edge of one of the sinks in the bar's toilets, your dress somewhat raised so that your skin could come into contact with the cold surface of the piece of furniture, your legs spread -it was almost pathetic- and his hands placed on your half-opened thighs, rough hands, large and painted with several blue veins, contrasting with his rather light skin and which gave in spite of themselves a little colour to his light skin.
"Are you sure no one will come and disturb us here?" You asked, putting your hands on his chest, still dressed, although he had removed his black blazer. Only a white shirt prevented you from coming into direct contact with his skin, the one you wanted so much, now.
"Don't worry...just relax, okay?" He moved closer to you and placed a soft kiss on your neck that made your eyelids close almost instantly.
His lips began to move freely over your face and chest, as if they couldn't decide where to land. His arms were still wrapped around you, moving around your back, catching the fabric of your dress at times, as if to bring you closer to him.
While your eyelids were still closed, your ears were attentive to every little sound in the room, as if they were ready to inform your body of someone's arrival or, as was the case now, to hear the zip of his trousers being quickly undone.
"Are you sure?" You felt his warm breath next to your ears, as if he were telling you a well-kept secret.
"I'm sure." You retorted, ready to submit to one of the cardinal sins. Although, you would have much preferred that he took you home, for comfort, at least.
You felt his long, hot member between your thighs, with a long sigh of your own. He was already hard as a rock, and you wet as the ocean, for a flash of a second you wondered if this was his intention all along and if he had noticed you as soon as you stepped into that bar and then, a little heat growing in your crotch made you forget about this useless questioning.
You tried not to be too blatant, but as his pelvic thrusts got more profound and faster, you couldn't stop a few moans from escaping your lips.
"Fuck...a body like that.." He commented, using two of his fingers to push the fabric of the neckline of your dress and expose one of your breasts to the air.
"Zeke..." You moaned languidly as he continued his back and forth.
"What? You don't agree maybe? Look at you." He questioned, though his question was mostly rhetorical at this point because yes, indeed, you had noticed what a disadvantageous position you were in. "Poor girl... so desperate, I almost feel sorry for you, you know"
Then he stopped for a moment and grabbed you by the waist, pulling you down from the sink where your feet did not touch the floor. He turned you, a little violently, and pressed your belly against the surface of the sink, allowing him to have a full view of everything below, which, as you could imagine, he was most interested in.
He kept his burning hands on your hips - you could feel it even through the lmere piece of tissue that separated your skin from his - to help his pelvis move even harder, which released even more little moans from you, trying as hard as you could to muffle them with the palm of your hand, though it was more than futile.
"I'm almost there...Fuck you feel amazing..." he groaned in a hoarse voice, his movements becoming more and more tired but still rough, as if he wanted to get it over with quickly.
With all the alcohol you'd ingested -which you weren't really used to doing anymore- your envy was even bigger than usual but, strangely, your pleasure wasmore distant, as if each movement was taking you further away from the orgasm. But you didn't give up, your lower body was still on fire, as if insatiable, never satiated - although the fingers he placed on your clitoris helped a little with that -
With a final grunt from him and a long moan from you, your mutual pleasure finally came to an end. And suddenly all your senses came back to you; you felt his hips pressed against you, his hands roaming over your half-dressed body, the surface of the washbasin which was no longer really cold thanks to your own warmth, the air conditioning of the toilet which didn't even have a window and finally, the dimmed lights of the room.
He withdrew from you after a few seconds -or maybe a few minutes, you didn't even know anymore-, removed the soiled condom he had put on beforehand and wrapped it in paper before throwing it precautiously in the trash. Returning to you a moment later, he pulled up the black lace lingerie that had been left on one of your calves and pulled your dress back on, placing a gentle kiss on your shoulder, in stark contrast to his rough actions earlier.
Once out of the toilet, under the innocent gaze of the other customers, he proposed to you, leaning against the wall near the exit, to meet him the next day, at an address he had given you, that of his flat. Should you? You had felt so good a few minutes before, but now that you had regained your senses, everything was confused. Sure he was charismatic, quite funny and cultured but Reiner couldn't leave your consciousness so easily, you had been through so much with him, you couldn't leave him after just one night with another man.
But you accepted. You were not committed to anything, you had only given him your name; you would have the whole day to think quietly, away from the hustle and bustle of the bar and with less alcohol flowing through your veins.
So after a simple kiss on your cheek, he called you a taxi and even opened the door for you, wishing you a good night. The ride was short, you didn't even think about him for a second but only about Morpheus, who seemed to be screaming your name, your comfortable bed was the only thing you craved now.
***
Just a tiny bit of sunlight sticking out of the door, one hand on the handle and the other on your purse, a great gulp of air escaping from your lungs and finally, the guilt that took over your mind suddenly, once the door was open.
What the fuck had you done.
The blond boy with the marked facial features was there, lying on the couch, his body covered by one of your blankets and, in his sleeping hand, his phone still open on the messaging application where you could read your name. You turned on your phone, something you hadn't done all evening.
"Where are you? You're not home." Please come back home I have a surprise for you. "Hey?" "Please tell me that you're okay at least. "I love you." "Sorry"
You were confused, it had been a long time since he had stopped sending you such messages, words that seemed to indicate his attachment to you. So you turned on one of the lamps in the living room to get a better look, because the light from the television wasn't bright enough to illuminate the whole room.
A table covered with a red tablecloth with small decorative patterns, a large candle in the centre, which had once been lit by the dripping wax but was now out and cold, two plates and cutlery, one full and one half eaten, and to top it all off, your old friend the Guilt, who was just whispering maliciously in your ears.
"You're back..."
At the sound of the still sleeping little voice, your eyes suddenly widened and your body felt heavy now, as if your legs were going to give out under your weight. But you turned back to him, not looking at all. He looked tired and was dressed in his pyjamas, a simple white tank top with grey shorts.
"Oh hi." You replied simply, a little confused by the situation.
He walked towards you, with a shy smile on his face, like a child trying to get close to a wild animal that might run away at any moment.
"I wanted to... "He looked down at your outfit and his gaze shifted for a moment, as if he'd just realised you'd spent the night away from home and, as he knew you didn't really have any friends here, that you'd spent it out there alone. But he didn't say a word and continued, "I wanted to apologise. I've been a shit to you and I know that. I'm so sorry, I know you deserve better, but I promise I'll make it up to you."
You frowned and opened your mouth, letting fresh air enter between your lips. Reiner probably read the confused and shocked expression on your face, so he continued.
"I had so much on my mind right now, you know, I feel so bad. I would do anything for you..I..I don't know...I should have told you about it my love I'm sorry." You saw a tear escape from his right eye, almost reaching his rosy cheek before he wiped it away with his hand, "Maybe we could try again?" with his fragile fingers, he took you by the hand and looked you straight in the eyes. "Please, I love you so much."
You should have been happy. You should have jumped into his arms, told him that all was forgiven, promised him a bright future, put your lips against his. But you were as if frozen, like a criminal before the police, like a slow prey before its fast predator.
So you stood there, forcing a small smile that on the surface said 'all is well' but in reality depicted your unhappiness even more than the tears. He responded to your smile, wrapping his warm arms around you, as you had so dreamed of, as you would have loved this very morning.
You couldn't even think straight. Had he planned all this for you? That's why he didn't want to go out. And you had gone elsewhere, while all he could think about was you, all he could think about was making things right.
Lying. It was the only solution. You wouldn't see Zeke again tomorrow, you would forget him, this evening would be a distant memory, like a dream so realistic that you would almost forget that it had never happened.
Like the moon on an eclipse day, it had hidden the sun, almost making you forget its beauty and warmth, temporarily providing some comfort in the dark night that the luminous orb had caused when it suddenly left.
It was tears that lulled you that night, under the mocking eye of the moon.
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limitlessgojo · 3 years
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Blood Bound: Red Strings of Fate (Ch 2)
Warnings: Action, Coarse Language, Fighting, Descriptions of Blood
Previous Chapter: The First Meeting
Next Chapter: What's Your Ideal Type?
Tags: Soulmates AU, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Fem!Reader
Taglist: @lessie-oxj, @rizzo-nero, @whoreuc
Notes: If you want to be tagged for every update, please mention it in the comments below ty.
CHAPTER 2: The Rebirth
You had a hard time falling asleep that night. Your mind is trying to remember the vision, but the images remain blurry. There was a faint heat lingering from the man's body pressed against yours.
‘Could we possibly be…. It’s not impossible but….’, your mind was working 10,000 miles an hour trying to think of the possibilities. There was only one thought that came to mind and it made you blush. You pulled up the covers and snuggled against your stuffed plushies and pillows. You had to pass by the library and get permission tomorrow.
At least the weaponry was amazing. Noritoshi senpai even showed you inside and pointed you to the crossbows he often practices with. ‘He must be a capable sorcerer. The way he holds himself up with such dignity was already a dead giveaway. A natural born leader huh.’ you wondered.
You fell asleep that night dreaming about a lovely Phoenix, being reborn from ashes.
◇◇◇
Noritoshi was pacing around in his room. He had passed by the library on the way back from dinner, and grabbed several books. “The Secrets of Foreseeing the Future, Vol. 1”, “Alternate and Parallel Worlds”, “Past Lives: A Study”, and “The Life and Works of Abe no Seimei".
He paced around his dorm room, looking over the book that was bothering him the most. “The Tales and True Records of Soulmates”.
He scanned through the main parts of the book. It spoke about bonding. There apparently were 2 types of bonding, emotional and physical.
When 2 halves of a whole reach a certain degree of understanding of each other, they establish what's called a half-bond or a phantom bond.
This begins to link their emotions. Intense anger, fear, joy, disgust, sorrow, and love can be felt from the very first stage. As their bond strengthens, they begin to share more emotions, as well as short strong intentions.
Intentions are used to depict a state of being. If they have a goal or a state of feeling over a particular matter, their partner can pick up on it.
The near final stage of a full bond is when they start to share physical sensations. When one gets injured, it will resound with the other.
The strongest bond is known to share special abilities and thoughts via telepathy between a fated pair.
Noritoshi's mind was definitely in overdrive. There was SO MUCH information on soulmates. But the one thing that wasn't explicitly stated was how a soulmate pair found each other.
How do soulmates confirm that they are indeed soulmates? Most of the information was based on soulmates who simply claimed to be. Then what about how they came to be?
So now he knows that soulmates are supposedly able to share emotions and feelings to a certain degree. But there was a lack of information in the book. What about visions? The vision he shared with y/n was one of a kind.
It kept discussing how the known most popular existence were the parents of Sugawara no Michizane. One of the three great vengeful spirits that is the ancestor of the Gojo clan.
He made up his mind. Taking out his phone, he dialed up his father.
Beep. “Noritoshi? It’s so late, why are you calling at this time? It best be an urgent matter.” his father gruffly answered.
“I am sorry to disturb you father. It’s just, there is a new student here in school. A First year called Tsuchimikado y/n from the Tsuchimikado clan.”
“Ahhh, them huh? Powerful group even though there are only a few of them. They don’t really talk about their techniques that much. They are descendants of Abe no Seimei and yet they kept to themselves as a minor clan of jujutsushi… So what about her?”
“She might possibly be my soulmate, but I am still confirming. Do you have any books or records on soulmates at all?”
At this, his father sat up straight in his study. “Are you serious? And what can you say to prove such claims? Do you know how rare a soulmate bond is?”
"I am aware. And I know we may not be soulmates. But I have some suspicions. If you have any info about soulmates, The Abe clan, or the Tsuchimikado clans, I would appreciate it." Noritoshi replied.
"Okay. I'll have a look and get back to you. Feel free to come by the main house this weekend. Look over the main study. There are also some records on Soulmates there."
"Thank you father. Have a good evening."
Beep.
Noritoshi sighed. He undid his hair bindings and combed out his hair. And opened the book again. He read through the table of contents in case he missed out on any major pointers.
He couldn't read the book in one sitting, because he is still reviewing for the TOEIC and improving his English.
He yawned and was about to retire to bed, remembering his promise to bring you around tomorrow, when one particular word jumped at him.
The binding process of soulmates. He quickly flipped through to the page and found out with horror that some of the pages had been torn out.
It wasn't him who did it. (Obviously). But now he has to go and tell Utahime sensei about it.
He took a closer look at the remaining few pages.
"The Binding of Soulmates. It is known to vary per pair. Some pairs found themselves to be born with a matching symbol in the inside of their arms or on their necks from birth. While others form it upon passing the first stage of -" and the page ends with a violent diagonal tear from the upper right corner to the lower left.
That's pretty much all that he can take away from the book so far. Frustrated, he decided to go to sleep. Nothing about sharing visions was mentioned so far. Maybe they weren't a fated pair after all.
But deep in his gut, Noritoshi knew that you were an important person to him. That was for sure. As he fell asleep, he shared the same dream with you. A lone Phoenix, being reborn from its ashes.
◇◇◇
The following morning, you didn't know where to meet up with Noritoshi senpai so you simply went to the same place he left you last night. On your way there, you passed by a tall robot kind of thing which spooked you. You stared at it, wondering if it was a kind of automation that serves the technical school.
To your surprise, it turned towards you and bowed while greeting, "Hello. I'm a 1st year student here at Kyoto Jujutsu Technical College. You can call me Mechamaru. Kokichi Muta is my real name, but I use robots to fight."
Your eyes widened in surprise and curiosity. "My name is Tsuchimikado Y/n, also starting here as a first year student. Pleased to meet you!" You bowed back.
“So… is your body inside that robot?” you asked him.
“No, as a result of heavenly restriction, which if you haven’t heard of yet is a means of exchange/ a binding contract, my body is elsewhere. I am controlling this robot from afar.”
Your eyes bugged, “That’s incredible! To have that much cursed energy, plus it is over such a long distance.” You were jealous as long-ranged techniques are something you try to work hard and specialise on.
“It’s not that fun being physically stuck in a basement.” Mechamaru didn’t sound too amused.
“Ah, I’m sorry about that… “ you floundered as you mentally hit yourself for being so inconsiderate.
“No need to apologize. I am used to it.” He waved it off coolly.
"You're the first other 1st year I've met Mechamaru. I wonder when the others will come. I've heard of 2 others." You wondered.
"I've already met one of them. Miwa is her name. You won't miss her with her bright blue hair." He replied. His voice was so stiff and robotic, a strange feature.
"Ohhhh I see. I'll keep that in mind!" You smiled. "I'm afraid I have somewhere to be right now, but I'll catch you around for sure! Please take care of me."
"Don't let me keep you waiting. Please also take care of me and see you around." Mechamaru waved as you ran off.
More students to meet huh. Your heart pounded in nervousness and excitement. So it was Miwa and Mechamaru so far. ‘Ugh, I’m so bad with names. I’ll surely get used to it.’ you thought to yourself.
You rounded the corner and nearly plowed through Noritoshi senpai in your haste. “Whoa there, careful,” he held his hands out in case you slipped, but you were fine. You caught yourself just before you hit his personal space.
You were surprised to see him already there, in the same clothes he was in yesterday (was that his uniform? You had yet to get yours, which had custom arrangements).
"Good morning Noritoshi-senpai!" you beamed up at him. He looked down at you amusedly, liking your bright energy. “Good morning y/n.”
Your smile grew wider upon hearing your name fall from his lips for the very first time. For a moment the both of you just stood there smiling. Then Noritoshi beckoned you to his side as you walked around the campus.
"Did you sleep well last night?" He asked.
"Ah yes, though it might take some time getting used to the dorm rooms here. But everything is pretty much convenient. Especially the kitchenettes in our rooms." You were still excited about starting classes.
“Did you have your uniform tailored to your liking?” You asked him.
“Ah yes, I requested a looser fit. I am used to wearing a kimono and wooden sandals at home. I simply requested for them to be made in a similar fashion for comfort. And it gives me enough space to hide all of my weapons.” He smiled gently down at you.
“Ahhh I see. I have also put in a request for my uniform, but I don’t have it yet.” you said.
“Well, it shouldn’t be too long now, classes start in 2 days after all.”
He brought you around the main gardens. “It’s so big,” you gaped, excited to train here. There was so much open space, it would be good for flying practice. “The other buildings are offices for the staff, and warehouses for special tools and materials.” He explained.
Then Noritoshi led you to a corridor with tons of doors. “These are the 3rd year classrooms. First and second year classrooms are upstairs. We can have a look if you’d like?” He asked.
You agreed. And on your way to the staircase, you came face to face with a man going down the stairs. He was incredibly tall and ripped. With his hair tied up, a scar racing down on his left eye, he grunted at Noritoshi in greeting.
He came down and faced you both, before addressing Noritoshi. “You ready for class? Is this a new student?”
“Of course I am. And she is a first year. Tsuchimikado Y/n.” Noritoshi introduced you and you quickly bowed in greeting. “You can call me Tsuchi san or just Tsuchi as I know my last name is long. It is very nice to meet you!”
Noritoshi noted that you didn’t offer to be addressed by your first name this time and felt weirdly happy.
“Todo Aoi, 2nd year. So… what man or woman is your ideal type?” He asked as he loomed over you menacingly. You barely came up to this man's chest.
….. What in the world are you getting into?
Fun fact: The Tsuchimikado Clan are indeed a real clan descended from the Abe Clan and Abe no Seimei the Onmyouji himself. I chose Abe no Seimei as a parallel to the three great vengeful spirits from whom the big 3 Jujutsu families are descendants of. As Abe no Seimei was also a major figure during the Heian period. But of course my story is a work of fiction so other than the onmyouji himself, everyone else is not real^^.
Blood Bound: Table of Contents
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findingmypeace · 2 years
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6/3/2022
I'm feeling pretty nostalgic today. While the 4th of July has never been the biggest holiday is my family we still had a lot of traditions. It went like this: Breakfast at the church (church pancake breakfast) ----> drive back to our neighborhood and attend the community get together/parade (the parade I was sometimes in depending on what school activity I was participating in that year) -----> go home and have a family BBQ -----> relax for a few hours -----> go to the back fields of the local middle school for a community get together + fireworks. This is what we did since I was a child.
Last year I was in my parents new state. The year before we still lived in my hometown but my parents were in their new state shopping for a condo for my siblings to live in. I don't remember 3 years ago. I do remember 5 years ago. That year, on this day (July 3rd), is when things with R happened. I look back at that day with sadness, anger that my history of attachment trauma dictated that day, and strangely, a desire to relive it. I don't want to get too much into it. I might have shared the details when it first happened but I don't feel comfortable doing that now. Long story short, R was very much a caretaker and I was very much that small child looking for a Mother figure to fix everything. What followed is what ended our relationship and I regret that deeply. In fact, I wish I could apologize, yet again, but I think she probably doesn't want to hear from me. However, I look back at that day and the part of me that has attachment wounds strongly desires someone to take care of her in that way again.
The problem is I can feel my 2 friends from high school starting to fall into that role. Yesterday I sent them an apology in our group chat and made it clear I don't want my eating disorder to be the center of our friendship. Neither of them have responded yet although I wouldn't say that's totally unusual because they both have busy weekends. I just feel bad that the last week has been so focused on my eating disorder and their worry that I could die.
I got off track in this post. I want to talk about the 4th of July but it went elsewhere. I don't know how I'm going to make tomorrow enjoyable and I'm kind of scared to go to the fireworks because of the possible emotions it could bring up being on my old middle school campus. For right now, I'm just going to focus on today.
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