#and i know the n95s are what you want for the best protection so i tried that & it was even worse with the pressure all against my face

[rootbeerqueer]

anyone else have sensory issues with wearing face masks? i’ve been dealing with this since the pandemic started. the pressure against the backs of my ears was giving me bad headaches & so i started using those ear savers but that just makes it really tight against my nose & it HURTS & ik i’m supposed to mask to keep myself & other people safe but i feel like i can’t go more than a couple hours at best with one of those on & then i feel sick after so at this point idk what to do

[numinousmysteries]

more a headcanon that got out of a hand than a fic. tw: 2020. that whole thing. [on Ao3] @today-in-fic

For years they feared a mass contagion of extraterrestrial origin spread by swarms of bees. Instead, the virus that grounds the world to a halt is an earthbound molecule transmitted invisibly through laughter, kisses, shared spaces, and spoken word.

A pall falls over the house. Banished from campus, William half-heartedly watches lectures on Zoom. Mulder starts the tiger show but turns it off in disgust before the first episode ends. 

Scully is the only moving part, chugging along in sharp contrast to their inertia. She’s long existed in the liminal state between the sick and the well, the living and the dying, but the sheer volume of devastation brought by this virus is wearing her down. Out of desperation, the hospital administration pulls her off her normal caseload and assigns her to the overcrowded ER. 

On a purely scientific level, the work—the once in a lifetime opportunity to chart a course of treatment for a novel virus in real-time—is thrilling. There are no textbooks, decision trees, or best practices; only instinct, trial and error. But this isn't just cells in a microscope—it's a protein expanding and exploding in human bodies. Bodies with children, parents, spouses, loved ones. Bodies that can no longer fit in the hospital morgue and need to be carried out to refrigerated trucks lining the streets outside. She's never felt like more of a failure.

She doesn’t want to talk about the work. She comes home still masked and then locks herself in the guest room in an attempt to protect them from whatever she’s been exposed to during the day. 

“Hey, Will,” Mulder whispers conspiratorially one April afternoon. “Did I ever show you how to pick a lock?”

But their son has all of her practicality and simply shakes his head in resignation. They compromise with a private salute to their personal healthcare hero, clanging pairs of All-Clad pans out the kitchen window to herald her arrival home. Even through her N95, they can tell it makes her smile. 

*****

William watches lectures and does his problem sets, but his heart isn't in it. Staring at the screen all day isn't as engaging as exploring physics in-person with his professors and classmates.

Mulder's got them in the habit of running laps around the property for exercise—or, as Scully says, to prevent bed sores and blood clots in their otherwise sedentary lives—and sometimes they'll do what William calls "prison workouts", push-up, planks, and bodyweight squats until their quads ache. They'll toss a ball in the yard or play one-on-one basketball on the rusted net in the driveway. 

Mulder knows their son is miserable, marooned in this house with his parents, so he's trying his best to keep the kid entertained. Secretly, he enjoys this little stolen time with his son. The kid should be out there, learning about the world and his place in it, but this could also be their last chance to spend every day together like this, and he knows better than to take it for granted. He just wishes Scully could be with them and not on the other side of a locked door.

They FaceTime with her and can hear her in-person voice preceding its echo on the phone by a few milliseconds. Will calls it mom from the future and mom from the past. They both wish she could be here in their present.

"Can we please come in?" Mulder begs quietly to the closed door one night, tracing the grooves of the wood with his fingertips. "We can all wear masks. I just need to see you." His voice cracks with need and desperation.

"I don't know," she says. "I'd never forgive myself if I got either of you sick."

"But you feel fine, right?"

"For now, sure," she concedes. "But I could be incubating the virus. Asymptomatic transmission is real and happening all over the world."

"What if we're outside, appropriately distanced, and wearing masks?"

He can hear her thinking, then sighing, from the other side of the door. "Fine. You two go outside first and sit on one end of the lawn. Then I'll come out in a few minutes and sit several feet away."

"Great!" He leaps to his feet to gather three lawn chairs and tell William the plan.

Muller and William set hers up closer to the house then measure out about six feet further out in the yard before placing two chairs for themselves.

They take their seats, put on their masks, and wait for her to emerge.

His heart breaks a little when he sees her. He watches her go to work and come home every day through the window but he hasn't noticed how thin she looks or gotten close enough to see the dark hollows under her eyes. He knows it's been rough for her. She’s tougher than most but this situation is unbearable. He's tempted to close those six feet between them and take her into his arms, coronavirus be damned.

"Move further back," she says, waving her hand off in the distance when she sees them.

He notices William is about to protest but he brings his hand to the kid's forearm and shakes his head. She's the boss in this situation. They're lucky enough to get to see her, what's a few more feet?

*****

The days drag on. Experts talk about flattening the curve. The curve does not flatten. Experts advise not buying masks, to save them for the healthcare workers who need them most. Experts say to wear cloth masks. Experts say cloth masks are not effective. The president advises drinking bleach. Bodies keep piling up. Scully keeps showing up for work and secluding herself at home. 

"Listen, why don't you quit or take some time off?" he asks her through the door. “We can afford it.” 

"I took an oath," she says solemnly and the conversation ends. He knows better than to fight against her sense of duty. He knows better than to argue she should put her own health first. The only cards he has to play would be himself or William, but she keeps isolating herself to keep them safe.

William itches to go beyond the property on his runs. The dirt road that leads away from the house is typically empty so Mulder doesn't mind if he does a few miles out and back.

"I’ll cross the street if someone is on the same side as me," William says. That's enough for Mulder.

"Should we make sourdough?" William asks one afternoon, briefly looking up from his phone.

Mulder doesn't know where this sudden culinary interest comes from but he's excited to do anything that gets William away from his screens. Especially something they can do together.

They consult with Scully who, of course, knows about starters and mothers, live cultures and pre-fermentation. From the other side of the door, they take notes.

"We'll cut your slices real thin and slide under the door," Mulder says.

The grocery store in town is doing curbside pick up so they order their ingredients online and then drive up to receive their bounty.

They mix the starter together first, watching as the liquid thickens and bubbles in a mason jar. It reminds Mulder of their old kitchen science experiments from William's childhood. Baking soda and vinegar volcanoes. Mentos in soda, although Scully didn't like the cleanup after that one. Just like he was as a kid, William is methodical and delighted by chemical reactions. 

The starter has to rest in the fridge for several hours so they take a break to research recipes. No one has ever made bread in this house, he thinks. Scully's a good cook, but she prioritizes nutrition and efficiency. She's not about to spend hours in the kitchen plodding through the steps of an elaborate recipe. Mulder is even less so. His culinary prowess has expanded from his bachelor days, when boiling water was an occasion, but he still sticks to the basics, evolving as William's tastes grew and matured.

Why had they never done this before?

"It smells good!" Scully shouts from her quarantine.

"At least we all still have our sense of smell," William jokes.

At night, Mulder and Scully sit with their backs to the door and try to inhale the familiar scent of each other. He hasn't touched or held her in weeks. It's the longest they've gone without physical contact since he was dead and buried. And the longest they've gone without sex since the first couple of months after the trauma of William's birth. He'd do anything just to hold her hand, rest his palm on the small of her back, bury his head in her hair. He knows this is harder for her, but it isn't easy for him either.

After William retreats to his room for the night, he knocks softly on her door. "Are you up?" he asks.

He hears her get out of bed and step over to the door.

"I'm up," she says, softly.

"What are you wearing?"

She gives him a hollow pity laugh. "I miss you."

"I'm right here.

"You know what I mean."

"Oh, I know," he says. He knows in the deepest reaches of his being. "I miss you so much."

"Let's go somewhere when this is all over."

"Mmhmm," he agrees. "You and me on a beach. I'd say Will, too, but I'm pretty sure he's sick of us—or at least me."

"How's he doing?"

"He's holding up alright," Mulder says. "It's tough for him but I think he's putting on a brave face for my sake."

"He's a good kid."

"The best."

They're quiet for a minute. He strains to hear her breathing on the other side of the door and imagines her sitting there.

"Are you sure I can't come in?" he asks. "We can wear masks. Sit on opposite sides of the room."

"Mulder, no."

"I really want to see you."

*****

By May, it's warm enough for them to spend most of the evening outside, sitting or walking (at a safe distance) together for hours. Will retreats to his room to do homework or, they suspect, chat online with his friends, but Mulder and Scully like to stay out until after the sun sets, talking or just enjoying each other's company in the silence.

"You haven't gotten sick yet," he says, one night, initiating his latest plea to get her to open the door between them. "And I read case numbers are going down. Don't you think we can relax a little?"

"Trust me, I want to," she says with a sigh. "I miss both of you."

"You have no idea how much I miss you," he says, seriously.

"I think I have some idea," she says, the corner of her lips arching into a smile. 

"Do they know if this thing is sexually transmitted?" he asks. "We can wear masks. That could be kind of hot."

"If we're close enough to do that, I think we're close enough to infect each other," she responds quickly, making him realize she's also thought about it and that makes him smile in turn. 

They're quiet for a while, walking and feeling the air cool down as night settles over them. These chaste days feel like the early years of their partnership. He isn't sure what's worse—never having touched her or not being able to know once he knows how sweet it can be to be. Actually, he's sure the latter is worse. Now he knows what she feels like underneath him, what her skin tastes like, the sound of her little moans. They've had phone sex, quietly, from different ends of the house, after she let him leave her little pink silicone vibrator outside the door one night.

"I wish it were you," she sighed over the phone the first night.

"It can be," he said. "Just let me in."

"You know I can't."

Back on their walk, his dick pulses just thinking about the way she sounded on the phone that night. Husky, breathy, like a storm building and breaking overhead. The first time they were together, the force of her orgasm blew him away. He knew she wasn't putting on a show for him by how embarrassed she seemed afterward. He kissed her gently on her neck, her breasts, her collarbone as she came down, her breathing slowed, and let her know he'd never seen anything sexier in his entire life. Scully screamed when she came. She twisted her tiny features up in a gasp that seemed to straddle the line of pain and pleasure. Her whole body came along for the ride, spasming and pulsing, and he knew he'd spend the rest of his life trying to see that again and again. Fortunately, there were lots more times after that. As William got older, they'd learned to be quieter, which only made it more thrilling when he left for college and she realized she could come with abandon again. Of course, COVID brought him back, and sent her into the guest room, so they hadn't had a chance to be loud in months.

"Call me later," she says. It's a demand, not a request.

"You know I will," he replies. "I'm torn. I want to stay out here and be with you, but I also can't wait to go to bed and talk to you."

"Well, I was hoping we'd do more than talk."

"You know what I mean."

"Oh, I know," she says. "I'm also looking forward to that."

Crickets fill the silence of the balmy spring evening. It's nice, just being with her like this. At this point, he'll take whatever he can get.

"I spoke to Frohike today," he tells her.

"Please don't tell me he's bought into these ridiculous conspiracies about the virus," she rolls her eyes over her mask.

"He has some interesting ideas," Mulder smiles. "But you know he's mostly harmless."

*****

She's among the first at the hospital to get her first vaccine dose that winter. William and Mulder celebrate from their side of the door with whiskey shots of their own.

"I still need the second dose in a couple of weeks, and then it takes two weeks after that to be effective," she says.

"But we're on the right track," Mulder calls out.

"The end is in sight!" William shouts.

“To our hero,” Mulder toasts, clinking his shot glass against the door. He never thought he’d be so intimately familiar with the texture of their guest room door. 

"Where should we go on our vacation?" Mulder asks. “You know, when this is all really over.” 

"I'm going back to school," William says.

"Good!" Scully calls from her side of the door. They both know how much he's missed his friends and his classes. In a few weeks they’ll pack him up with masks and home tests and warnings to avoid superspreader events. It’ll be a mostly virtual semester, but still good for him to get out of the house.

"I guess that leaves me and you, woman," Mulder says to the door. "Where am I whisking you away to?"

"Somewhere warm," she says longingly. "On the ocean."

"That can be arranged," he says. He's dreaming of long afternoons in the sun—well, as much actual sun as Scully will allow—holding on to her as they wade out into the ocean. Full days where they don't leave their hotel room bed. They've earned it. She certainly has.

[i-still-mask-because]

in the wake of all this new information during COVID, do you feel that maybe we should all just be masking all the time, COVID of no COVID? I mean it can't be the only airborne disease out there and immunocompromised ppl have always and will always exist so like. Following that thinking even if we don't have COVID we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right? Idk I'm stressing a lot about this do I just need to wear a mask outside forever cos. Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues and stuff but. I don't wanna?? Kill people by accident??? Aaaaa

Hello, thanks for reaching out about this.

I saw this ask about a month ago, and I needed time to think about how I'd respond to it (so I want to thank you for the patience!).

I'll try to answer all of this to the best of my ability, and I thought I'd answer this by going backwards (responding to the last things you said and then moving up with responding to the first things you said).

Everything is below the cut because this is very long!

First I'll try to summarize what I think you're asking here:

"Vulnerable people exist in this world all around me, therefore does this mean I'm constantly posing a threat to those vulnerable people's safety when I don't mask? The thought of this brings me feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety."

I find this is hard to answer candidly without risking stressing out you or anyone else who's aware of the consequences of their choice not to mask. Nonetheless, my honest answer is: yes, choosing not to mask means risking the lives and safety of vulnerable people, i.e. the disabled, immunocompromised, elderly, children & babies, and those that intersect those groups. That risk can take place directly (such as interacting with an immunocompromised elder) or indirectly (such as interacting with the parent of a disabled child).

I also want to add that it's not only those groups that need protecting. I firmly believe that regardless of your age and/or whether or not you self-identify as disabled or immunocompromised that everyone is at risk of the long-term consequences of this rapidly mutating, vascular, and immunosuppressive virus. No one is invincible to this, and I'll add: not even if you're vaccinated (still get vaccinated if you can, but know that you can still catch covid & develop long covid regardless of your vaccination status).

1. "Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues."

I understand how that can be difficult to deal with, trust me. There are specific masks (such as most standard KN95s) that irritate the hell out of my face after a certain point. The way those specific masks brush against the hairs of my cheeks just make me want to rip the mask off my face completely. Finding alternatives has been a lifesaver, and they've allowed me to get through the day without wanting to maul someone lol. I don't know what masks you have tried out already, so I'll just recommend the one's I like as well as the one's I've heard good reviews on from people that also have sensory issues:

NIOSH 3m Aura N95 Respirators

Flo Mask

GATA Mask (Haven't tried this one yet, but I've heard a LOT of people say this has been a game changer for them because of how comfortable it is & how it doesn't trigger much sensory issues at all due to its silicone material. Probably the only con I've heard is the chance of the build up of moisture in the mask after a long period of use & water possibly dripping on your face— this happens to me sometimes with my Flo Mask. Edit on Sept. 26, 2023: I tried GATA Mask, and I personally have a tough time getting a comfortable fit & seal with it, even when getting the small/medium size for adults to see if it'll make a difference, and the nose bridge shape not fitting well for me is a huge con. Customer service is just suggesting I spend more, so I'll just give this one a break, for now at least. A lot of other people seem to like it though.)

Halyard FLUIDSHIELD [ASTM Level 3] Mask (My mom works in a hospital, and these are masks she brings home from work. They're VERY comfortable for me, especially when I'm masking at home. I recommend finding a way to tighten the loops that go around your ears to prevent as much gaps around the mask as possible. If tight loops hurt your ears easily, I recommend a mask brace.)

O2 Nose Filters (I haven't tried these out yet as well, but I've seen videos demonstrating how effective these are at filtering out SOOO many unseen particles. I don't recommend using these alone of course, because there's still a risk of inhaling harmful aerosols through your mouth. I would recommend using this as a reinforcement of the protective measures you take. For example: adding on a comfortable surgical mask— ideally one with a high filtration efficiency like the previous suggestion— with the nose filters. I think these nose filters would be great if you're removing your mask real quick to take a sip of water or if you're outdoors with enough distance from crowded areas & groups.)

In the ideal world, more people would mask during this on-going pandemic so those that deal with sensory issues and/or those that straight-up can't wear a mask due to medical reasons wouldn't have to worry so much about choosing between existing & risking their health. For now, we just have to find alternatives.

2. "Do I need to wear a mask outside forever?"

My answer to this is: yes until further notice. There's no foreseeable end to this pandemic right now, but it would be worth the patience to wait for adequate tech, treatment, and cures for covid-19 to be released before even thinking about getting loose with masking.

Societal mandates have been dropped way too soon, and public health in regards to covid-19 is being forced on us as an individual responsibility. As a consequence, this gives this rapidly mutating virus a lot of wiggle room to spread and do whatever it wants. This means doctors and experts don't have much answers yet for adequate treatment because there's a MAJOR lack of containment (such as masking & quarantining) and documentation (such as testing & reporting). This isn't to say there hasn't been any advancements whatsoever: for example, Washington University just developed a breath test for covid that gives results in just 1 minute! This is great news! And this is just one reason why it's very necessary for those who can mask to mask, so scientists are given more time to roll out helpful solutions & tools sooner.

Another thing I'll add is if you're symptomatic and/or are positive for covid, you should 100% be wearing a mask no matter what, point blank period. I say "and/or" because it is VERY much possible to have covid and not experience any symptoms at all; this is a major reason why it's necessary to mask up in public consistently, because you can't always know who you bump into that may have covid or not.

3. "Even if we don't have covid, we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right?"

Yes, there is a possibility of spreading airborne diseases to vulnerable people unknowingly— without the protective & preventative tools that is.

I can only speak for America because that's the cultural zeitgeist I grew up in, but: I feel like many of us can agree that, unless you worked in a healthcare setting, what was "normal" (in America) before 2020 when it came to airborne illness prevention was definitely not the regular use of a mask. American health education mainly taught us if we're coughing & sneezing to try to do so in a tissue or into your elbow, as well as frequently wash our hands. That doesn't account for the way air actually works though. For instance, if someone with the common cold coughed into the inside of their elbow, the particles they coughed out are still able to linger in the air because their elbow isn't creating a tight seal around their mouth (their elbow may have caught the droplets from their cough— which are bigger & heavier— but the smaller, lighter aerosols would just spread around similar to how smoke does); it's the difference between 😪 vs 😶‍🌫️. The only sure way for the germs they've coughed out to be blocked from spreading to other people is if they wear a well-fitted, quality mask/respirator.

I feel like health education from a young age should include the benefits of masking; that way it would be easier to adapt to the need to put on a mask to protect ourselves & others as a collective. It would be phenomenal & wonderful if we as a collective were used to masking the same way we're used to putting on socks before putting on our shoes.

4. "Immunocompromised people have always and will always exist"

Yes, that is true. And that means necessary measures taken to protect them, as well as other vulnerable people, should be the standard.

5. "[Covid] can't be the only airborne disease out there"

Of course not. There's plenty of them. However, not all airborne diseases are the same, nor should they be treated as such. What's been observed in regards to the long-term effects of covid is not at all the same with other airborne diseases. Covid is a highly contagious virus that is more than just a respiratory disease. Its goal is to attack your immune system, nervous system, heart, brain, and/or other vital organs. That's what viruses do. They act smart and sneaky, and they have the capability to trigger illnesses in your body that you may not have had pre-infection:

Chickenpox is known to lead to shingles

Epstein-Barr is known to lead to mono

HPV is known to lead to cancer

Covid-19 has been found to lead to:

POTS

ME/CFS

Stroke & Heart attack

Alzheimer's

Dementia

"Brain Fog"; Memory & Concentration Problems

The list goes on, and these are only what we know of. Covid may not be the only airborne disease, but it definitely is a dangerous one with serious, long-term negative effects.

6. "Do you feel that we should all be masking all the time, whether or not covid-19 exists?"

In regards to masking with the existence of covid:

Yes. Masking is a vital method in the prevention of catching & spreading covid-19, because it is primarily spread through the air.

In regards to masking without the existence of covid:

See my answer for number 3, and also: given the fact wearing a mask can only do more good than harm for most folks, I don't see why not. Imagine a world where we don't have to worry about flu season or allergy season anymore because those aerosols are filtered out from consistent mask wearing. Sounds like the dream to me lol.

-

I hope this made sense! If anyone has anything they'd like to add to answer anon's questions, please feel free to share!

Thank you for reading 😷

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

Hi, saw one of your reblogs about masking and wanted to ask something. Sorry if you're not the right person to ask, feel free to ignore, I just haven't got anyone irl that even cares anymore. I've been masking daily this entire time ever since the pandemic first started, but I'm beginning to wonder, when are we going to be able to stop masking? Is there anywhere you can recommend where I can inform myself about this, about what our outlook is like re: COVID and other safety precautions and that type of stuff? The government's position in my country is pretty much just "masks are no longer mandatory" (I wasn't even allowed to get a booster this year, they're apparently not recommended for under 60s here unless you're high risk), and there isn't a culture of masking when sick here, so almost no one does, not even doctors. And it's starting to affect me socially as well, you kind of end up socially excluded/ostracized quite a lot when most places you go you're the only one masking (which I realize is not as bad as death or long COVID but I do have to admit it's getting to me). I guess I'm just wondering if there's anything else to look forward to other than masking indefinitely?

I'm really sorry but unless and until there are widespread, systemic safety measures in place, as far as I know masking is gonna continue to be your best option in terms of protecting yourself and others from covid and its complications :(

There are less effective but still useful options, like the covixyl nasal spray and nasal sanitizers, and iota-carageenan nasal spray and/or cpc mouthwash as post exposure prophylaxis—but those are most effective when paired with masking.

If you do at any point decide to stop masking, altogether or in certain situations, I hope you'll consider using some of those preventative tools. They're dramatically better than no protection at all.

Air cleaners like the corsi-rosenthal box can help if you're in a space where you'd be allowed to set that up. Socializing outside helps a little esp if you're spaced out.

But unless systems get put in place to overhaul ventilation systems and quarantine sick people etc the most effective option I'm aware of as an individual is a well-fitting N95/kf94/kn95 mask with no gapping at the cheeks or anywhere else.

It might be worth finding out who in your area is organizing to try to demand or implement better covid safety measures, and see if you can join them. Try disability advocacy groups—even if they don't have a project like that in place they may either know who does or be willing to help you set one up.

Lastly, I'm just repeating info I've taken in (hopefully accurately) from medical journal articles. I'm just an ordinary person, I'm not an epidemiologist or virologist or medical expert of any kind, so please do your own research as well. Make sure any info you accept as for-sure accurate is from peer reviewed medical studies published by credible scientific journals.

[strayfoxxchan]

Pairing: skz!Bang Chan x f!reader

Genre: Song Fic if you squint, Fluff? Comfort? Idk

Content Warning: Mention of alcohol, mention of harassment

Soundtrack: Morganite Wings - Dvii

A/N: Thanks @/thevampywolf for proofreading!

Don't you want to know what it feels like?

Being exposed in these lights

I see it in your eyes

Think that we'll be reaching for the heavens all night

So hold on to this feeling 'till it's over

Know that you won't love me when we're sober

This is all so temporary

It'll all be gone before you know it

But let's not get it twisted

I still love your faded kisses

And even if it's just for a moment, I want it

Let's make this last 'till we both feel something

There was something about a live music show on a Friday night that gave you just enough energy to make it through the weekend. The dim lights, the pulse of human bodies moving in sync, the sounds of an overjoyed audience… There was nothing like it. 

You’d made it a routine of sorts. Even if the group playing at the local club wasn’t one you knew, you still tried to get dolled up to go out. Your mental health hadn’t been the best lately; the stressors of being an adult, living on your own for the first time, and working a 9-5 in a big city weren’t as much of a dream as you had expected it would be when you left home. Doing something like this was an excellent excuse to pull yourself out of mundanity at least once a week. It was just a bonus if you did happen to know the group or artist that was playing. Tonight was one of those nights. 

Standing at the back of the venue gave you a better sense of scale: it was a small club with a smaller stage, but people were packed tightly together like sardines. The artist didn’t take up much room, armed with only a guitar and a small production setup. Despite that, the audience was rabid. You found yourself swaying side to side, half-finished drink in hand, eyes closed and taking in the vibe. 

A hand snakes around your waist, but you are here alone. Your eyes snap open, and you wheel around, pushing the stranger away from you. 

“What the fuck,” you growl at the man. He looks back at you with a  grin, reaching back to you and grabbing your wrist. He has a vice-like grip that you just can’t shake off. You struggle with him briefly before another man walks up, holding the Chesire man and pushing him off you. He’s wearing a baseball cap and a face mask, obscuring his features. 

“Get off of her,” the muscular man growls as you look on in disbelief. For a moment, you’re convinced an all-out brawl might break out. The two stare each other down, the Cheshire man starting to get in the masked man’s face. The masked man doesn’t back down, which seems enough for the Chesire man. He shoves passed the man in the mask, butting his shoulder against him as he walks away.

“Are you okay?” He says, reaching his hand towards your shoulder but stopping short. 

You came to this club to decompress, not to cause issues. Instead of answering, you head straight back to the bar. You perch on a stool, burying your head in your hands. The man follows behind you. 

“Why did you do that? I could have protected myself,” you grumble through your fingers.

“I promised I would protect STAY,” he laughs, motioning at the Wolf Chan keychain hanging from your purse. 

You drop your hands and arch an eyebrow, staring directly at him. “That’s… a weird thing to say.”

On occasion, you’d wondered if the “K-pop superhero disguise” was effective in any way, and now you knew. The longer you stared at his eyes in the dimly lit bar area of the venue, the more you recognized him. You reach up and bat the brim of his baseball cap down over his face.

“Are you crazy?!” Your eyes dart around you. “Isn’t someone going to recognize you?!”

“You didn’t,” Chan laughs momentarily, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Protect STAY,” you scoff, rubbing your face. 

“Y’gonna thank me?” His eyes gleam, and he’s smiling under his N95. 

“Thank you, Christopher. You are relieved of your protective duties,” you wave your hand back at the crowd. “Enjoy the show.” You were too shocked to process what was happening. 

He sits down on the barstool beside you. “So… you come here often?”

“Oh, we’re doing that?” You can feel yourself flushing. Thankfully, the lighting is awful, and you’re optimistic he can’t see it. You down the rest of your drink for courage before shoving it away. “Why yes, yes I do.” You give a mock-flirtatious flick of your hair. 

“Wait, do you really?” He laughs. “How often?”

“Every Friday,”

“You know that much music?!” He looks aghast (you think). 

“Not even a little bit.”

“Then why?” There’s a sparkle in his eye that you can’t quite decipher. He rests an elbow on the bar and rests his chin on his hand.

“I just… like the atmosphere, I guess. When you’re feeling less than alive, sometimes the beat of the bass and the crowd's pulse moving in sync is just the right medicine.” You look away wistfully for a moment. “But I do love this guy,” you motion at the stage. 

He holds a hand out towards you. “Dance with me?”

“Dance with you?” Your eyes widen. 

“Thank you isn’t enough. Dance with me,” Chan says, a touch more forcefully, still grinning. 

“I can’t dance,” you stare at him, taking his hand and sliding off the barstool. The lightness in your head from the alcohol was making you brave. 

The two of you have danced for ages. Chan dances with you as if no one is watching and forgets everything around you. You forget that you can’t dance. For a moment, you’re the only two in this club. 

You stand on your toes and let your lips touch his mask; it’s more of a smile than a kiss. “On behalf of STAY,” you say, loud enough for him to hear over the music. 

It shocks him enough to stop dancing briefly. Then, emboldened by your courage, he pulls you close and slides his mask down his chin. 

“On behalf of me,” he smiles, dimples on display before kissing you. 

[kabutone]

Hi!! I hope this is okay to ask but you seem to be really knowledgeable on masks so i was wondering what type you recommend the most?? :0 i'd love to get more masks since i do mask already but want to get better ones and i feel like you'd know which ones are the best!! Tysm in advance and feel free to delete this if this is weird!! ^^

yes ofc im glad you asked!! this might get kinda long so bear with me lol (TLDR: I'd recommend to find an N95 that is comfortable and fits you well! My go to is the 3M Aura 9210, but there are a variety of other masks for every face shape if the 3M Aura isn't a good fit!)

It can be kinda tricky to name one specific mask since face shapes differ so much, but I'll list the ones I've tried and some styles you could explore! But my main recommendation is to look for an N95 or better! The most important things to look out for is a mask that has good filtration material and that it fits well on your face (no big gaps or leakage)! And of course, that you're getting a legitimate product.

I prefer N95s because they're generally more protective than KN95s and KF94s. There also isn't as much regulation for KN95s and KF94s as there is for N95s, so it can be easier to come across fakes. People also sometimes find that head strap masks keep their fit better than earloop masks. This isn't a one size fits all rule, however, some people have passed fit tests in ear loop masks! It's just something to keep in mind.

I'd recommend looking at masks on ProjectN95! These have been vetted to ensure they're good quality, and there should be links to buy directly from the website. Unfortunately there's a lot of fake or underperforming masks out there, so it's important to buy from a trusted source. Here's a video that covers this issue and what to look out for! Another great resource is Aaron Collins, who has posted a lot of tests and info about many different types of masks.

I use the 3M Aura 9210! I like this one for the material it uses for the straps. There are other kinds of 3M Auras (like the 9205) which are just as good, but they have those rubber straps and I just don't prefer those. This is the only trifold-style I've worn, but it's pretty comfortable!

And this is just anecdotal, but I've heard the 3M Aura tends to fit more faces better than other styles. Compared to other masks I've tried, it has a stronger nose wire, so its easier to shape it to your face! Some others have had flimsy nose wires that don't hold very well, while others (like cup-style masks) have rigid ones that you're not really supposed to mold at all. This one has passed fit tests for me, and is comfortable enough for me to sleep in!

Another style I like is the Gerson 3230! This is a duckbill style mask!

It looks a little silly but these are SUPER breathable. So much so that I feel a little exposed wearing them lol but I've passed fit tests in them multiple times!! One downside to these though is that unlike the 3M Aura, they don't have as much structure, so if you inhale too hard they kinda suction onto your face.

This is the 3M 8210, which is a cup style mask!

These didn't work for me, but that doesn't necessarily mean they won't work for you! This specific mask is very rigid, so you can't really form them to your face, but they will not collapse when you breathe! I haven't tried other brands' cup style masks though, just 3M's.

This is a bifold mask! I just grabbed a photo of the Demetech one because I thinnnkkk I've worn this before? But its been YEARS, I don't wear bifolds anymore. KN95s also usually come in this style

This style can be a bit tricky because they come folded in half, and that sharp point at the nose bridge can cause issues for some people. I see a lot of people walking around with a big gap at their nose because of that folded point, so just be sure to properly fit it to your face if you use these! Here's a video demonstration on how to do this, and here's a good photo example:

Finally, there's also this strapless adhesive mask. They're kinda pricey compared to the others, but kinda cool I guess? Can also get them here

Strangely I didn't pass a fit test in these? I think maybe I just need more practice putting them on lol

These are all N95s, but there are also masks like N100s, P100s, and PAPRs if you wanna get really intense. And I can also ramble about those but this is already so so long lol

Finally, it's important your mask fits well! This is to make sure that air is going through the filtration material, not going around the mask. For example, it'd be safer to wear a well fitted N95 than an ill fitted N100. A quick way to check for leaks is to do a seal check when you put on a mask! here's a guide on how to do it, and here's a video demonstration!

But it's important to note this is not a foolproof solution, and the best way to measure fit would be a qualitative or quantitative fit test. Unfortunately, fit testing can be rather inaccessible to most people, so it's hard for me to recommend it. There are DIY kits and DIY tutorials in addition to official kits, though. Quantitative fit tests are even less accessible, and I'm still trying to figure out how to get one :( But if you're interested in it, I can also ramble about that.

If you read this far thank you so much for listening to my lil mask infodump :') I hope this was helpful !!

[funnuraba]

I know all this posting about masks and Covid risks is a real bummer, but trust me: an awful lot of people are gonna get a taste of what it’s like to be severely disabled over the next years and decades. Healthcare and caregivers are hard enough to find now. So trust me, it’s in your best interests to minimize your exposure now while you have the chance, because the most likely scenario is massive, massive numbers of newly disabled people, coupled with the decimation of healthcare workers, who are already the most likely to be exposed to contagious people and spread it to their other patients. There’s no ventilation or masking in schools, so we’re not getting a new influx from the younger generations. Indifferent robots might actually be our best option for care soon.

You’re not gonna be protected by spending your time with leftists, because all the ones I follow or see in my orbit are posting pictures of huge unmasked gatherings, or admitting they only mask when there’s a surge going around or they “feel” like people are contagious. Around half of their infections are asymptomatic, but they cause the same level of long term damage and spread just as fast to other people.

Being outside doesn’t help as much you think it does (air circulation helps a lot, but the particles don’t vanish into another dimension). Current vaccinations don’t keep you from catching or spreading it. Washing your hands doesn’t help. Cloth and surgical masks barely do anything. It doesn’t matter if you “only” take your mask off in a restaurant for a few minutes to eat. It doesn’t matter if the people around you aren’t sneezing or coughing, or if you think you’re sick yourself at the moment. The virus doesn’t care what’s fair, or what makes you happy, or who seems perfectly healthy to you. You need an N95 at the bare minimum, and if at all possible you need to avoid things like air travel and large gatherings right now.

Once you’re at the point where you’re facing becoming bedridden from a single infection *waves*, you’re going to wish you still had the energy for zoom calls and quick masked grocery runs. And you’re gonna find out very quickly that your life is worth nothing to most people, and that 99% of them want nothing more than for you to die and stop annoying them by begging for help.

[redcap3]

Charming - Pt. 1

Charmed. 

Since I became a part of the hypnosis community, it’s been this shining star on the horizon. 

“Oh, you should go to Charmed!”

“I got the best idea from this class at Charmed…”

“Last time at Charmed I got so melted…”

The star became even more intense when I became part of the Oikos family. 

“I wish you’d been with us for…”

“When you go to Charmed, we’ll…”

“I am going to collar you at Charmed.”

Well. We all know that last one didn’t work out, but the point remains that it took on a status beyond just “this is a big convention” for me. 

My Goddess and the other Chosen made it clear that Charmed is their event of the year, a celebration on par with and just as important as the recent winter holidays. 

In 2018 I was still navigating the end of my marriage. In 2019, I was too broke after my divorce. 

In 2020, I didn’t feel like I could make the money work, and I didn’t ask them to help because it didn’t feel right. 

In 2021, I attended online yet still knew I was missing out on the ‘real’ Charmed experience. 

In 2022, we were within a week of leaving for the con when the host city declared a health emergency due to spiking COVID delta variant cases, and the family made the decision we had to stay home for safety, even as it broke us. 

(There was deep, fundamental damage that day to all of us in the Oikos, and many of those wounds still haven’t healed.)

I don’t regret anything about the collaring that Goddess found a way to perform for me and for Camden Dawn, my amazing counterpart, but there was still a lingering ache of knowing it was not what we had wanted to do.

Last summer I finally made it to Beguiled, and got a taste of what the hypnocon experience could be like. 

When Camden came to me and said she needed to be at Charmed regardless of what the family chose to do, I agreed, and I promised her she wouldn’t go alone. 

I made every effort to ensure I would be as safe as possible to go. 

Third booster for immunocompromised patients? Grabbed mine within a week of the announcement. Bivalent booster? Hit it the day it became available in Minnesota. I asked my doctor if I could do anything else to protect myself, and she even got me the Evushield prophylactic shot series. 

I pulled finances together even as I sunk money into dealing with some major house repairs. I researched what would be the best routes if we drove, I checked flights and I watched rental car rates regularly. 

On some level I knew that Charmed had been built up in my head into something bigger than any one event could really be, but at the same time a part of my brain said ‘If we go to Charmed, everything finally gets to happen. I get to have my own Charmed stories! Everyone gets better. Everything will be OK again.’

So I basically needed Charmed to be perfect in a way that was genuinely impossible…and yet I am also going to tell you that I had a really great trip!

So how does that work?

Wednesday: In chaos there is…mostly just chaos, actually. 

(Administrative note: The Oikos family as a whole and I specifically wore N95 respirators with fitted seals, plugged valves, and disposable filters any time we were in a public space, and changed those filters daily. If I do not mention being masked, please assume that I was masked up in my interactions unless in a private space with the consent of all parties.)

So I should preface that Goddess charged me with doing logistics for the trip after a conversation where the majority of the family decided that we would fly rather than drive. 

(Camden and Sleepyhead had already booked plane tickets due to some circumstances, but we would all be in the same hotel)

Within 12 hours of that discussion I had plane tickets booked for Goddess, myself, Copper, Jukebox, Tigress, the younger spawn (hereby referred to YS), and Timbit. (I initially did Timbit's seat by paying for an additional seat under my own name when I booked our tickets online. This turned out to be Wrong. More on this later.)

I booked a rental car which was listed as being able to carry all of us and our luggage for a week, set to be picked up once the main group had landed, plans to get us to the hotel and meet friends, and to get access to two of our three hotel rooms. 

(One room was reserved outside of the con block for Goddess, Copper, Jukebox and YS, since they’re only 17 and really do not want to know what we get up to in our spare time. We also had a handicap accessible room paid for by a friend of Goddess’ as a holiday present that was supposed to be in the con block (it was four doors down from the “outside” room, and nowhere near the con block or the con area!), and a “standard” room Camden had booked that was in the con area and turned out to be much more accessible for me to get around the con than the accessible rooms!)

We all slept at the “prime” Oikos house Tuesday evening, with cabs scheduled to pick up the primary traveling groups and take us to the airport at 7:30am so we would be ready for our 10:20 flight to Baltimore. I even checked us all in, prepaid for checked bags and forwarded the electronic boarding passes to everyone Tuesday afternoon so we could get to our gate with as little stress as possible. 

(I had originally planned on a Lyft XL capable of taking the group, but there were some concerns about the Lyft driver not wanting to take a dog.)

There were expected to be some light snow flurries, but nothing that would cause too much trouble. We would get picked up, go to the Delta counter closest to the airport’s south security checkpoint which was almost directly across from our gate’s concourse, and be golden. 

Which is why we were totally shocked to wake up and find that freezing rain had coated everything in about a quarter inch of ice. 

For those who don’t know: I have RA and mobility issues, and was planning on using my cane to get around the airport. 

But first I had to get my luggage. From my car. Parked on the driveway. 

The roughly fifty degree slope driveway. Covered in ice. 

Worse, as we attempted to abseil down the slopes to get everything together from the house for the trip to the airport, we quickly realized our cabs were nowhere to be found. 

We ended up taking two Lyft rides after all, though I was so deep into trying to adjust the plans on the fly that I didn’t even notice Goddess, Tigress, Timbit, and YS getting picked up from the other side of the house!

Once Copper, Jukebox, the rest of the bags and I were on the way, I got a notification on my phone that our gate had changed from Concourse G to Concourse F, but at least it was still in the same general area. 

Then we got to the Delta counter and found out our gate was now in “C” concourse - on the opposite side of the airport. 

I took my bag to the drop, and found out my main bag that I had (over) packed with outfits, rope, and toys was seven pounds overweight. 

Rather than try to repack my carryon and checked bag, I took the financial hit, got into the precheck lane at the south checkpoint, and asked for help from a handicap assistance cart to run me over to the gate while Copper and Jukebox headed for the north checkpoint. 

At the same time, Goddess and her party were being dropped off, and thanks to our heads up they went to the North checkpoint. 

Unfortunately, a TSA agent decided to give Goddess a headache about YS’s legal gender on their passport not marching the ticket (YS found themselves to be non-binary since the passport was issued) and then wanted to know why Timbit didn’t have an animal pass. 

That would be my fuckup, since I didn’t know Timbit needed an animal pass since she was in a carrier and had a ticket to travel in the main cabin. 

Goddess, YS, and Tigress went back to the Delta counter, finding Copper along the way, and eventually sorted the situation out while I sat at our gate, increasingly confused and hungry. 

(I had planned to get something from a caribou by our original gate and use a straw / strategic positioning to be able to lift my mask seal long enough to eat, but with the gate change there was nothing close enough to get to easily with my carryon and cane.)

My solution, once I was caught up via discord on what was going on, was to provide as much info as I could to Goddess until the Delta agent was able to help sort it all out, and to put in a mobile order at the Dunkin Donuts near-ish to our gate on the concourse with a request for Tigress to grab it in exchange for getting her a Diet Coke. In the meantime, Delta provided Goddess with a wheelchair and attendant to get her down to the gate, and everyone else followed suit. 

Now I need you to know I used the Dunkin app to order egg bites, an iced coffee, Tigress’ Diet Coke, and on impulse, a brownie batter donut. 

Boarding was called shortly after Tigress let me know she had the order, so I let her know Goddess and I were pre-boarding with Timbit, and to please bring me the food and I’d try to eat on the plane before the doors were closed. 

Long story short, Tigress arrived with a donut and a Diet Coke because that was all the Dunkin staff gave her, and I had to open a ticket with Dunkin’s mobile order support to see if I could get the other $10 of stuff refunded. 

It had been aggravating, stressful, and I got a big blob of chocolate goo on my t-shirt, but we all got on the plane and into our seats without further incident. 

(Well, aside from the ticket agent wondering why I had two tickets, which I had to explain again about Timbit (and my size making it generally a good policy to have an extra seat next to me) and the agent said “Oh, you didn’t have to do it that way! You could have saved some money!”

Notice she didn’t actually offer to refund me that money. Yeah. Thanks, Delta!)

The flight itself was pretty uneventful, and I have to praise the best pup here - Timbit (who was admittedly stoned out of her little puppy mind on CBD dog treats) didn’t bark, whine, or make a mess in her carrier. She was sweet and good and Goddess and I did our best to open the carrier when possible and give her pets, contact, and reassurance. 

(Oh, and we were miraculously not caught in the FAA shutting down a majority of air traffic that morning! A bit of luck I am still grateful for.)

We finally reached Baltimore, waited for most of the passengers to deplane, and eventually got off the plane and down to baggage claim, and I suggested to Copper that the two of us go to the rental car depot to get the rental and have him added as an additional driver so he could take YS out to the Smithsonian at a couple points during the con, while the others got bags together and took a break to rest.

(For those who have never needed to acquire ground transportation at BWI, it is a bit different from most of the airports in the US, where a rental car garage / parking deck will be located adjacent to the Terminal. To get a rental car at BWI, you must take a shuttle bus out to a facility that is about 3 miles away from the airport, where you will also return the car when it is time to go home. For Copper and I, this meant a ~10 minute bus ride (after hustling, and failing, to catch the one going by as we left baggage claim), then a short walk to the Enterprise counter.

Unlike our airline experience, getting the car reservation pulled up and having Copper added as a driver was pretty painless!

I was starting to drag a bit (a lot) due to lack of food / water and wearing my Envo N95 respirator for the better part of six hours at that point, but a reprieve was in sight. 

Sort of.

Y’see, I mentioned reserving a “Full Size” SUV / Crossover? The first two options we were shown were both crossovers with only 5 seats. 

Third time was mostly a charm with a Nissan Armada that we dubbed “Cyclonus the Rental Tank.” It had three full rows of seats with decent legroom, but loading cargo required a bit of tetris when we got back to BWI to load the family in. Still, it was a vehicle, it ran, and we’d fit in it. Good enough.

(It turns out it also had a hair trigger throttle, an acceleration curve that was more like a sheer cliff, and a navigation system that I well and truly hated by the end of the drive to the hotel, but hey, it did the job!)

We made the way down to the hotel, got our first room secured, and got everyone and their things inside while we tried to work on the second. (Oh - and those ‘accessible’ rooms? Required you to take a half flight of stairs unless you wanted to enter or leave the hotel from a side door! I might have been a bit peeved about that.)

I had already planned to make a Target run for needed supplies (CPAP water, potable water, drinks, snacks, first aid stuff), and we ordered some pizza for everyone because I was about ready to start eating some of my metamours at that point. 

(Sorry, Jukebox.)

After pizza arrived and I managed to eat and have some water, my mood was back up into at least “mildly chuffed”, and I began texting with Panda, who had graciously offered to re-color my hair when I had lamented not having time to dye it during my con prep. (OK, I actually started texting Panda after we had boarded the flight, but now we got serious.)

Getting the information to get into the second room took a lot longer than we had expected, and I was way past overstimmed and overwhelmed by that point. Even busying myself with putting the Target order in so I could pick it up later didn’t really help much, and it was an incredible relief when we finally got the keys and I could retreat for a few minutes…just as I got the notification that the Target order was ready.

I took a deep breath, asked Tigress if she would come with me, and we made our way over to get the stuff, which was mostly uneventful.

(Note: WHO PUTS MULTIPLE DRIVE-UP AREAS IN DIFFERENT LEVELS OF THE RAMP?) We would return to the hotel, get stuff distributed, and I was finally able to tell Panda that it could come down to start having hair fun, and I let another friend, Linnybee, know that I had the “Trance Cards” she had asked me to print ready so that we could hole punch them, attach ribbons / twine, and hopefully distribute them during the con as fun ways to keep track of scenes and as souvenirs. 

Not too long after we started making good progress on the cards, Panda arrived, and I broke out the various (and generally less than ⅓ full) bottles of color I’d had left in my house from the last time I had a friend help me color it at home. It was not long before I was changing into pajama pants and an old tank top so Panda could get to work mixing up purples, blues, and pinks, and place a very shiny cape around my neck. (“I’ve got foils and everything!”) Side note: Panda and I have been friends since sometime in 2020, but this was our first in person meeting instead of zoom, discord, or text conversations. It gave me an amazing hug when we finally got to be in person, and squished very nicely. Huzzah. It will probably not surprise anyone that after a long and stressful day, sitting down and letting Panda mess with my hair eventually turned into Panda messing with my head, getting nicely relaxed and trancy as it took care of  me, lightly fractionating me but being careful not to completely melt my brain since I still had things to do. (Turns out this also did Tigress some splash damage, which, well, whoops!) Goddess and Timbit dropped by while we waited for the color to set, and it wasn’t long before I was stripping down to shower and rinse off the excess dye while Panda made sure everything was combed out and looking good, then washed my hair with color protecting shampoo and conditioner. By the end my hair was purple and pink with blue accents that looked amazing and I got the chance to spend a bit more time with Panda and Linny before they each needed to be off to their next adventures, while I got dressed again to head back to BWI to pick up Camden and Sleepy.

We had passed a Steak & Shake on the highway on our way between the airport and hotel, making plans to grab food there for a late dinner with everyone on the way back from BWI, but in the post pandemic world it appears that S&S is no longer a 24/7 beacon of grease and hand spun goodness, so a backup plan of chicken, biscuits, and fries was arranged to be delivered to Goddess’ room while I made my way up to the Arrivals section of the terminal and found a good spot to wait, pulling up to the curb moments before I got a message from Sleepyhead that their plane had touched down.

When they emerged and made their way to the car with their bags there were hugs and a few kisses before we got back on the road, and I happily listened to how they had each tranced each other during the flight. I had known that Daja and Sleepy had planned a special experience for Cammie on the plane, but I was just as squeeful with compersion to hear about Miss Dawn putting our lovely dolly into her own deep trance.

I dropped them at the front of the hotel so that Camden could get checked in and acquire room keys, then parked the tank as close to Goddess’ room as I could, meeting everyone inside for a meal and some quiet hanging out time before I eventually went down to take a look at Camden’s room and I asked if it would be OK for me to stay down in their room rather than try to do a lot of stairs and walk about two-thirds of the length of the hotel any time I wanted to go back and forth. I was concerned about Tigress feeling abandoned, but she completely understood why I needed that access, and I was grateful for her acceptance. Bags were grabbed, stuff was shifted, and I ended up getting ready for bed with Sleepy curled up against me in one of the two queens and Camden in the other, listening to Goddess’ peaceful sleep file as the three of us drifted off. Thursday: Pre-Con sounds great, but…

Somehow, despite going to bed closer to 2am than not, the three of us woke around 8 and no-one died. I had originally planned to attend EnScenic’s Music, Hypnosis, & Hijinx class that morning at 10, but after I took my meds and did some self reflection, it was clear that what I really needed was to take it easy that morning. 

I am reasonably sure I had breakfast, though I genuinely do not remember what it was, grabbed some extra naptime with Sleepyhead, and eventually arranged to get some additional groceries for the weekend delivered to our room, though I was continually thwarted in my search for the high-protein shakes my dietician recent recommended I add to my meal planning.

I also stopped by registration and got my badge somewhere in there, but I genuinely don’t remember when or how, though I did run into several friends and acquaintances along the way to say “Hi!”

Sleepy has been open about her battles with anxiety and depression as she prepared for and attended the con, so I will say that I spent some time comforting her while Camden went out to explore and meet up with several people (including Daja, once she arrived), and not too long after we had a nice lunch sent over from the Double T diner, she asked if I could use some pallet wrapI had in my bag to give her a nice comfy bondage hug and a trance that soon turned into restful sleep. (Note: Double T is a descendent of the Greek Diner tradition, and their Moussaka was amazing. It reminded me so much of the Moussaka I used to get at Matsos’ back in Wooster that I would not be shocked to learn their family recipes both came from the same part of the country. Not a crucial part of the weekend, but it was a nice and unexpected bit of comfort and nostalgia for me!) I eventually decided to skip the afternoon classes as well, given that I needed to (in no particular order) acquire our massive household cookie order from EnScenic, pick up the books I had shipped to the Con via Daja to sell and drop them off with EnScenic so she could vend them when I wasn’t available, pick up rope I had ordered ahead of time from Lynx and her company MFA designs that I secretly intended to gift to Daja since she had expressed an interest in learning how to do rigging and I had offered to show her some of the basic ties I use with Cammie as her subject and Sleepy as my demo partner, go to a hardware store (or arrange delivery) for hex keys because I forgot my lightsabers’ set screw keys, my wife to murder and Guilder to blame for it.

(If it sounds like I was kinda overcommitted this weekend, you are exactly right. A big lesson I am taking away is to really think about how many hours are in the day, and how much I actually will feel able to do.) Oh, and did I mention that I was part of the on-site consent team, and was on-call in case any issues came up before our kickoff meeting / pizza party that night?

Yeah.

Thankfully we did not get any calls for consent issues that I was asked to help with that day, but it was a constant tickle in the back of my head as I tried to keep an eye on our reporting channels and discord chats.

Somehow, 90% of what I wanted to do got done, and I even managed to pick up a couple of badge ribbons from Meraklis, who I had done a fun scene with at Beguiled and was looking forward to seeing more of later.

Daja, her spouse Turq, and Cammie came back to the room for dinner, and we picked up Italian as a compromise between most of the group wanting pizza, and me already being pizza’d out thanks to having a lot of pizza on Monday and Wednesday, and knowing more pizza was in my future for the late evening. We ordered from a local restaurant called Bella Italia, and my eggplant rollatini was delicious, thank you. 

There was a bit of light play before and after we ate, but it was generally just a happy hangout time with good friends and watching some AGDQ speedruns. Daja was given the rope (though we kinda had to do a raincheck on the lesson - more on that later), and Turq and I got to vibe a bit while mutually appreciating Sleepy.

(For those not familiar with Sleepyhead, A) How? and B) You should know that basically everyone in the community is a little bit in love with her, and it is a beautiful thing. Since this was our first time attending a hypnocon together, I privately made a promise to myself to give her as much freedom as she wanted to play with friends, other partners, and potential play or romantic  partners. I didn’t want her to feel I was constantly following her around or breathing down her neck, and I think we both did a good job of letting each other do what we needed to do while communicating and occasionally sharing fun stories or experiences when we had proper permission.)

I went to part of the “Welcome” event hosted by Psy and the concom that evening, but lack of seating eventually made me move over to the room where the Consent Team meeting was to be held while I read a bit and futzed with my phone.

One of my goals for Charmed was to try to get out in the community more, since most people either knew me from my writing or an online event or two. I made a goal to be more social and make more connections in the community, so I decided to put a post out in the “Looking For Play At Hotel” channel to let people know I was open to play on both sides of the watch, so to speak, and that I had brought stuff to do rope, impact, and sensation play. Once that was done I also reached out to some friends and previous play partners who were doing classes, and asked about being a potential demo bottom for a few of them.

Well, I quickly learned that offering to be a top at a kink con will get you a lot of attention, as my messages exploded within moments of the post going up. 

I replied to as many as I could, making plans to negotiate and potentially play on Friday or Saturday, generally with an eye for making use of the dungeon while it would be open, but leaving in-room play on the table as well.

The consent team kickoff would go smoothly, with our fearless leaders Spinfrog and T distributing plastic file folders to keep our paperwork, notepads, kleenex, and some emergency candy in, and we made sure everyone had their ground rules (and more pizza) before breaking up. I ended up bumping into Meraklis again while she was talking to several people about her Jedi Mind Trick triggers, and she asked if I’d mind being an impromptu demo, since I wanted to have the trigger refreshed anyway. (Oh no, please don’t throw me into that briar patch...)

The trigger is pretty simple: If Merkalis or someone you trust waved their hand in front of you in the usual “Jedi” manner, you froze for a few seconds and then went back to normal. If they waved and said a phrase (“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for”), you would blank out, repeat the phrase, and then surface again. 

It’s cute, it’s silly, and I love it dearly. When it was set up at Beguiled she had put a limit of the trigger expiring once the convention ended, but this time we left it a bit more open ended as long as I was in a safe place with people I was comfortable going into trance around.

I had a few more hallway conversations on my way back, including bumping into someone who I had a warm and happy conversation with, and knew I recognized, but my brain utterly failed to identify her(?) by name, and since they didn’t have a badge on, I was SOL.

(You were wearing a cute motorcycle jacket, skirt, and a steel infinity collar, and I had hoped to run into you again and say Hi / actually get your name! If you read this, please ping me so we can catch up more?)

I would return to the room, a bit tired but still in good emotional space, and Sleepy would ask if her friend gothsocks could come down to say hello for a bit. 

I had also been talking to socks and getting to know her better, so I happily agreed. We had been discussing the possibility of doing a dollification and cuddles / light play scene during the weekend, so I was happy to just have some low key, no pressure hang out time to build some groundwork and rapport.

(Plus socks is neat, and again: trying to be a more social creature.) 

What mostly ended up happening was socks and I nerding out over FFXIV’s latest expansion and new classes / raids / dungeons for a while before we all needed to get some sleep while Sleepyhead watched us infodump back and forth, and it was great.

Not long after goth left Sleepy and I planned out a few things for Friday before we got cuddled up for bed again, knowing that Camden was likely to be spending the night elsewhere.

[cazort]

I've never dealt with air this bad in my life and it's really frustrating and kinda scary. That picture? It's not an overcast day, there are no clouds in the sky, that's all haze from the smoke.

The problem isn't just that it's this bad, it's been that it's been bad for days now. Today is the worst it's been.

For people who don't know what it's like, here has been my experience:

On the better days, when I've gone for a walk outdoors, my nose and throat burns a little bit. On the bad days, I don't go outdoors much, and I still feel this way all day long, and the feeling doesn't go away.

After it's been bad for a few days in a row, staying inside doesn't really help much. Indoor air came from outdoor air, and unless you are in a space with a really advanced filtration system, a lot of the pollutants are likely to be indoors too after a few days.

I feel like there is a small amount of junk to clear out from my lungs. One of the worst nights I had a coughing fit when trying to go to sleep and it made it hard to go to sleep. I notice I have to breathe a little faster than normal just to get enough air, which worsens the irritation.

The air smells like wood smoke everywhere. It is especially evident the first time I step out my front door in the morning. By now, you can smell it indoors too, it seems to concentrate in certain parts of my home, presumably because of air currents.

The smoke is thick enough that it substantially reduces the sunlight. The lighting is about as dark as a solar eclipse, and similar-looking because it is like reduced sunlight but without clouds. This has made temperatures unseasonably cool, both during the day and at night, which helps a little bit, in that normally I'd want to open the windows and put fans in them, and I can get by without doing this. It has also slightly mitigated the drought (we are unfortunately also in the middle of a drought, which probably makes the smoke worse because plant growth is less lush than it normally would be, and rain removes particulate matter from the air.)

The air quality is noticeably better in areas with dense tree cover, and best in wild areas that have lush, full plant growth, not just scattered trees in landscaping. Plant trees, people, and more importantly, protect wild ecosystems including forests, and allow dense growth of vegetation wherever possible. Trees and other plants remove pollutants from the air, and you notice it in real-time in events like these.

For people in the affected areas, here are some tips:

Follow public health recommendations about avoiding activity. Check air quality throughout the day (airnow.gov) and time being outdoors at the better times. Often, particulate matter from these wildfires is lowest in the late afternoon, which is different from the normal air pollution from ground-level ozone which is often highest at that time, so the patterns of when air is cleanest or dirtiest may not be intuitive to you.

Wear N95 masks or other masks designed to filter particulate matter, if you have access to them.

Eat vitamin C rich foods and/or take vitamin C (< 2000mg is safe daily, best to space it throughout the day) because air pollution tends to deplete vitamin C and other antioxidants. Vitamin C is more important because it has a short life-cycle in the body, contrasting with vitamins A and E which are also antioxidants and are important to eat a lot of in the long-term, but are fat-soluble and stored in large quantities so eating them in the short-term doesn't do much.

Drink antioxidant-rich tea and herbal tea, such as true tea (green, black, oolong, etc.) or herbs like rooibos, fenugreek, ginger, and others. Even though these teas don't have much vitamin C, they have a lot of polyphenols and other plant antioxidants which will circulate in your system and help reduce the depletion of vitamins that function as antioxidants, like Vitamins A, C, and E.

In the long-run, plant trees and other lush vegetation, protect forests and wild areas and lush plant growth. Advocate for action to mitigate climate change. And, in fire-prone areas, advocate for the use of controlled burns, which were used by Native Americans for thousands of years before Europeans instituted an unscientific policy of fire suppression. Controlled burns can reduce fuel loads by burning at safer times of year, like in relatively moist conditions in winter, when wind speed keeps the fires away from nearby population centers, and prevent catastrophic, out-of-control fires like we are seeing this year.

These wildfires are not "natural" events and are not random, they are 100% preventable and are the result of a combination of climate change and fire suppression, which is related to the destruction of Native American cultures which had a more sustainable relationship to fire and had figured out how to integrate themselves into fire-prone landscapes in a healthier way. There will always be fires, but we can act in ways that ensure that fires are smaller and more predictable and manageable.

[laurellynnleake]

Screenshot of a reblog from @butchniqabi, with the previous reblogged edited out. It reads: "i think we can talk about the environmental impact of masks without shaming people for wanting to keep their loved ones and themselves safe from a disease that can literally disable and kill you"

Thank you to @butchniqabi for your comment! For more context, they were responding to an ableist response saying people masking don't care about the environment.

Respirator masks have an undeniable environmental impact that shouldn't be ignored, but it is negligible compared to the environmental impact of global pandemics and death. The people suffering the most have the least amount of control over the largest pollutants and vectors for pandemics. And they have a right to defend themselves and their loved ones. Especially when respiratory masks are one of best forms of protection we have left.

Further injustices: Most corporations who make masks distributed in the US (like 3M) are actively complicit in the US military death machine (perhaps the biggest polluter and genocidal force on the planet)! Similar problem in other countries too. Search "[company name]" and "military" and usually the corporation boasts about it openly. But only government agencies officially authentic respirators to ensure they're capable of blocking 95%+ of the most dangerous particles (and are supposedly free of dangerous chemicals like PFAS). So if you don't want to risk using non-certified masks with potentially compromised or useless filters, you're stuck with government approved corps.

The 3M Aura 9210+ N95 mask worn by the top figure consistently test highest for quality and fit for people with tall nose bridges (and are also relatively cheap and widely available). These masks are keeping people alive, even as 3M helps the US military murder people and poison the environment. They've been using PFAs in tons of products, including some elastomeric respirators. They're an evil company working with an evil empire that's killing people and killing the planet, and they've never cared about saving lives.

I don't know what the solution is here, but as I do more research I've removed the 3M logo from the poster to at least cut down on glorifying the company. The corps who make the other two masks pictured (a Laianzhi KN100 and an elastomaric Flo mask) don't have any publicly announced military/cop connection that I could find. However, since they fit best on people with round faces and low nose bridges, they may not work as an Aura replacement.

Everyone, please reblog this version of the poster, and share any info you have on respirator mask makers with any independence from the US military complex (especially cheap disposable masks)! Also looking for African mask resources - the COVID Action Map is really failing that continent, though it's less Eurocentric than other mutual aid maps I came across.

And remember: Before buying new respirator masks or elastomeric masks and cartridges, run a check on the company and specific product for PFAs! And if you're using disposable masks that come in plastic bags, remove them from the bag and let them air out for at least 1 minute before putting them on to cut down on inhaling microplastics.

MASK UP FOR GLOBAL LIBERATION

Protect your community by wearing N95s and KN95s when meeting indoors or in crowds! The more of us mask up, the less we get sick, the harder it is for police to surveil us, and the safer we make our shared spaces for our disabled and immuno-compromised comrades and loved ones.

Get started by finding local mask resources on the global COVID Action Map (you can also submit groups to be added). If you have the means, donate masks and tests to your local orgs and encourage accessibility so we can ALL join the fight (bringing in interpreters/translators and medics, ensuring accessibility for wheelchairs/mobility devices, offering child care, filtering the air indoors, setting up virtual options etc).

UPDATE: Download this 8.5"x11" poster for free on itch.io to print and distribute! Includes files suitable for color, black and white, and risograph printing. Any donations will go to printing costs, or buying masks for my local mutual aid groups.

Pandemics have no borders, and all our struggles are united!

[ID: A poster declaring “MASK UP” in red above 3 figures from the waist up, each wearing a different respirator mask. The top figure is an Arab person wearing a fluttering red and white kufiyah over a black hijab and red dress, as well as an Aura 9210+ N95 mask. They steady themselves with one hand on the lower left figure, and raise the other one up triumphantly. The left person is a fat Asian teenager wearing a black hoodie with a genderqueer symbol on the shoulder, and a black Laianzhi HYX1002 KN100 mask. They are holding a box labeled FREE that’s full of COVID-19 Rapid Tests, and two different kinds of plastic-wrapped N95s. The last figure is a middle aged Black person in a power chair, wearing a Flo Mask with a customised rainbow cover, a dark blue winter hat with a Disability pin on it, and a blue shirt featuring 6 countries flags from R to L: Sudan, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Palestine, Haiti, Puerto Rico, and Tigray, Ethiopia. Underneath reads: “RESPIRATOR MASKS PROTECT: your health, your identity, and your community. Find resources near you at COVIDActionMap.org”]

[i-still-mask-because]

Are cloth/fabric masks effective? Or are disposable masks the best choice? I get mixed answers when I look it up; some sources say fabric masks are fine and some say n95 masks and the like are best (even moreso than classic disposable surgical masks).

(ps. Sorry to treat you like google but I figure you may have more info than I do)

Hello! Thank you for reaching out to ask this, and thank you for your patience! I really don't mind helping others learn about this, so no need to apologize! I'll try to answer these chronologically & thoroughly:

Are cloth/fabric masks effective?

No, cloth/fabric masks are not effective protection against covid-19 and its variants, especially if you're wearing just that alone. If a cloth mask is the only option you have right now, I think it's better than nothing; I would just suggest perhaps, if possible, layering the cloth mask on top of a surgical mask (Heads-up: there's a chance this may feel uncomfortable because it may feel like your breathing is being restricted). It would be best to just upgrade to something that's made with enough layers to filter out covid-19, if you're able to.

If affording quality masks is difficult for you or anyone else that reads this, I suggest:

Asking around in any libraries, youth centers, or health centers near you if they have any available to give away for free.

Checking out this link, which is supposed to be a directory of locations that offer free N95 masks (this page hasn't been updated since January, so I'm not sure how accurate it is anymore but it's still worth a shot).

Look out for folks online that are giving away masks in bulk for free; definitely measure out how comfortable you feel with sharing your address to them of course. If it helps, I can guarantee there's people out there that genuinely want to help share masks with other folks that need them, so for sure use your intuition and know that more often than not people are a lot more genuine than you think with mask distribution projects like that (I'm speaking from personal experience. I've been able to get a lot of masks for free because of the help of a couple distribution projects on Twitter; as I'm writing this, I'm currently waiting for masks to be delivered from this distribution project!)

Are disposable masks the best choice?

It depends on what disposable mask you're referring to. As you mentioned, there's a big, big difference between the quality of a blue surgical mask and a N95. This is not only because of the difference in the amount of layers they have, but also a difference in the way they can fit over your face (surgical masks are designed to be a lot looser on one's face, which allows for leaks of air wherever the gaps are; this is risky). I highly recommend an N95 or KN95. NIOSH Approved 3m Aura N95 masks are an example of quality ones you can get! (Heads-up: In general you may notice masks like N95 and KN95 are called "respirators" as opposed to "masks", and that's because they're built for the purpose of preventing aerosol inhalation & are designed to closely fit your face to block out any air leaks. This article explains the difference. I personally use the word "mask" anyways for colloquial reasons)

I recommend reading this page on the People's CDC's website about masking (I recommend looking at their content in general for updates & statistics about covid as well as recommendations & guidance). This is a mask quality chart from that previous link (image description is in the alt text):

I hope this helped!

[whileyoureinschoolidothisallday]

I feel moved to do this so I’m gonna

I can only speak for the US, but if you think covid isn’t a big deal anymore you are being lied to. on multiple levels.

First and most important, covid is airborne. It was always airborne. This is a well-established fact in the medical community and has been for awhile. What this means is that, in indoor spaces and crowded outdoor spaces, it is chilling in the air and you are inhaling it with every breath you take. The more virus you inhale, the sicker you will be. The gov knows it, the cdc knows it, everyone knows it. Nobody wants to say this to avoid accountability that they fucked up the initial response with a focus on droplets, and they don’t want “panic”. Plus it will obviously cost them more.

herd immunity was never, and is not going to be, a thing with this virus

You can and will get reinfected. And with every infection, you’re at higher risk of severe disease and organ damage, including your brain.

Two very large studies on Long Covid have recently come out, and in summary, it is very real and you don’t want this shit. It’s estimated that 1 in 5 infected people will get it and there is no cure yet. Even if we find one, organ and brain damage is not reversible.

covid is causing an increase in brain disorders

this is an LA emergency room today as of August 27 2022 It’s like this all over as you can see in the comments.

children are at significantly higher risk for covid complications

masking doesn’t hurt kids’ speech development

earloop masks don’t do shit to protect you at this point and this is well established in the medical community. It’s N95 or higher or you have very little protection. Any mask is better than no mask. If you have absolutely no choice but to use ear looped masks, a mask brace helps significantly

you can get a p100, a mask with even higher filtration than n95, on amazon for $30. This is the one I bought. Here are more p100 and elastomeric masks you can buy safely

here is an indepth video on how to perform a DIY fit test at home using instructions from the US Army. You should be doing this with every mask you have (if you’re curious as to why federal mask mandates were never enforced or even discussed, it’s because federal law mandates that companies have to fit test every employee if masks are required for airborne protection and they can’t/don’t want to figure out how to work around this for the general public. You need to fit test for a mask to work accurately.)

one of the key components to actually returning life to normal for everyone, including the disabled, is air filtration. The Corsi-Rosenthal Box is a cheap, open source air filter that’s on par with more expensive filtration systems. At it’s best, it reduces 80% of the covid inhalation dose, which is the equivalent of a group of people all wearing decent quality, fitting masks. This not only helps against covid, but also reduces exposure to other respiratory illnesses and even allergies! People all over the country are making these and donating them to schools, businesses, people in need, etc. Here’s a video on how to make one yourself and I highly recommend you do if you can. If you don’t like masks for whatever reason, this is how we get rid of them

here is an awesome thread about traveling during covid

If you’d like reviews on various types of masks and if they pass fit tests, this is the guy you wanna follow

if you’re looking for graphs and charts and statistics, you wanna follow this account

if you wanna know more about air filtration, literally everyone in the medical community worth their salt is constantly screaming about it on twitter, but I recommend following this guy

and if you want accurate information about covid, then you should follow one of the first whistleblowers for the disease. He’s been right about everything so far, and he’s also posting accurately about monkeypox

NOW HOW ABOUT A FEW GOOD THINGS??????

a very promising prophylactic for covid, called Evusheld, exists and has been authorized for emergency use in the US. If you are immunocompromised, over the age of 12, and 88+ pounds, please harass your GPD and pharmacy to give it to you!!!! It is actively being suppressed and the us gov isn’t buying supply, so most medical professionals don’t know it exists and will fight you about it. Even if you aren’t in the US, it’s available in over 100 countries!!!!!

Novavax is a new and very promising vaccine that would be effective for emerging variants, and it’s working better than the current vaccines to prevent infection. But, again, the US is refusing to buy supply and the FDA is dragging their feet because the current administration is pfizer’s bitch :)

also, in general, I know it sounds scary that covid is airborne, but we have a lot of airborne diseases, and we know how to fight them. They aren’t magic. We can and do manage them all the time. It’s just that for some reason (capitalism), we’ve decided not to this time.

but the information is still available. We don’t have to lie down and let this thing destroy our communities and isolate our disabled and vulnerable neighbors. We have the ability, at any time, to end this shit for real and make our local communities safer, with or without the gov’s help.

we just have to do it.

[amysubmits]

CD ordered n95 masks recently. We’ve worn medical masks for a long time but he’d been reading more about how much better n95′s are. Which in general wasn’t news to us, but as our hospitals are struggling and community spread is high again right now, and barely anyone is wearing masks...he wanted us to up our protection on a personal level. 

He knew I had a couple places to go Monday. Sunday night he said “You need to wear your new mask tomorrow.”

He put one in a ziploc bag and put my name on the bag, and put it in my purse. 

I fully understood and agreed with the logic of it. But part of me was a little uncomfortable with it. I took my old ziploc with my old medical masks out of my purse and left them at home on purpose so I wouldn’t be tempted to wear those, instead. How dumb is that, right? That I would be tempted...and why? Just because n95′s look weird to me. What a stupid reason. 

I think he predicted I’d struggle a bit with this. I suspect that’s why he told me I needed to. He usually just asks me to do things and knows I’ll listen. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t even do it consciously, but he tends to tell me I ‘need to’ do things when he’s being more stern, when he expects me to struggle to submit. 

I wore the n95 for the four-ish hours that I was in public. I know that in the most ideal settings, n95 are custom fitted in a lengthy process...but even just doing our best to follow the instructions as armatures? It was clear to us both that we got much tighter fits with these than we did with our medical masks even though I tied or twisted the ear straps on mine try to get a better fit with those. 

Anyway. I’m grateful that he uses his Dominance to nudge me out of my comfort zone in the ways that really matter. 

[areusittingcomfortably]

I was going to let this slide, but I can't.

I understand that there are some neurodiverse people who genuinely struggle with masking, so this is not aimed at them.

However, we are in a global pandemic. Millions have died and yet more millions have been disabled and are unable to fully participate in society. Covid-19 is AIRBORNE and is still spreading and mutating to avoid triggering an immune response while wreaking havoc internally.

Even an asymptomatic or 'mild' infection leads to permanent internal damage. At a minimum it affects your brain (did you know that recent studies show that you lose several IQ points with every infection?) and narrows your blood vessels, significantly increasing your risk of a stroke or heart attack, and causes immune dysregulation leaving you more vulnerable to catching other viruses.

It can also persist in you gut, lungs and other organs causing long-term health issues, including a greater risk of cancer. You may not be aware of the damage at first, but with every additional infection the damage and risk increases.

Well-fitted N95/P2 or better masks are our best defence against catching and spreading Covid-19. If someone asks you to mask around them it is not about making them feel comfortable. It is not a mental health issue that they're asking you to humour. It is about protecting their life.

If you choose not to protect you own, that's one thing. But choosing not to protect others lives, especially if they ask you to, is morally repugnant. You have chosen the wrong side of history, and it's time to rethink what kind of person you want to be.

Masking saves lives. It has fuck all to do with comfort.

Please pass it on! 🩷

[thusspakejasminefofazmine]

Hey, Something has been wrong with my heart.

Maybe POTS? IDk, I was in the ER a week ago wrapped up like a sand person double N5 masked with cloth over it and a face sheild and swim goggles and more goggles on top with hair covered because

Partial vaccinated because my friend got if and was dead in hours of an anuerism and I have an anxiety/mental health dissorder. 😭😖

Im so ashamed! Please God forgive me🙏🏻

I deeply regret not getting it sooner. I understood the science and saw the math playing out. I’d been entirely isolated, never going out/having everything delivered and wiping down everything with med grade sterilizing wipes while taking care of my 2 year old alone even fully isolated from my wonderful husband who works at a busy dallas airport,

passing him food through a cracked window while masked. This has been going on over a year!

Finaly my reasoning overwhelms my sense of fear and I make an apt for vaccine.

Then, Two night befor vaccine apt something happens I cant explain. Waking up with uncontralable shivers all over. Idk what is happining? I dont have blood sugar problems but think maybe low? Drink juice feet in hot water. No fever. It goes away.

Next day it happens again. Wtf is going on. Gettjng worried.

Take a covid home test to be certain- negative. I havnt had exposure. But I’m paranoid.

It happens again- I wrap up with masks and everything I can and call an ambulance when my resting pulse is over 140 and I’m dizzy with pains

Mckinney Ambulance driver: you know Covid isnt real right? Me 😲. They say: your stable going is optional and you’ll wait!

I stay home.

Wednesday comes I get my shot 🙏🏻 and the asshole pharmacist at the walgreens at 1651 w university drive mckinney tx wouldnt put on a mask even after I asked. Its store policy! He never wears a mask and keeps his job and nobody says anything while he’s handling medications.

Whatever is happening to me is coming and going all the time now. Idk what it is. Its happening while I sleep. Pulse is crazy during during the day 160 pounding just walking between rooms

Now I cant take care of my toddler. Husband has to help me go to bathroom. He cant work.

Having chest pains! I put on all the masks and crap and grab my sanitizer and go to the ER they send me home with chest pains and said see a catdiologist asap. Ekg clear. While I’m there the Nurses and doctors Refuse to keep appropriate distance. Leave my room door open while pwople are outside sick I hooe 2 N95 and cloth on top will be enough

😓😭 wtf. They say if chest pains come back we’ll see you again.

Next day ER is at full capacity. feel like I’m dying racing heart chest pain. Another Self covid test is negative. I wrap up again and go to a care now people everywhere no masks looking at me like I’m crazy all wrapped up trying to keep safe. Ekg clear. Idk what to do. They give me antibiotics for maybe a uti?

Its friday Cardiologist cant se me till monday afternoon - every day and night i think i’m going to die. Pulse is insane. I sit and try to keep pulse down for the weekend. Its bad I’m vonstantly inches from ER

Monday finaly comes, I wrap up again like a person who wants to, you know not get covid! Cardiologist says clear ekg, whatever take a betablocker to help your anxiety. Me: this isnt anxiety! Doc 🙄 SUUUURE , look at how your wrapped up! Its just anxiety! HEART DOC IS NOT WEARING A MASK. People in waiting not required to mask.

At this poknt in tx All ICU’s and ER’s and childrens hospitals for 90 miles in any direction are overwhelmed. Clearly I’m in a twighlight zone episode.

I go home feeling hopeless. Still feel like I’m dying. I want to consult another doc befor taking this medicine they wont explain or talk to me about. Another horrible night. I talk to another doc- via telemed. Thank god no suiting up.

She says meds sounds appropriate even if no mask jerk doc wouldnt explain it to me.

I take it.

It gives some almost immediate releif to chest pain racing heart while I’m resting But its short lived. My condition is deteriorating. No appetite, nausea, diarrhea, still no positive covid.

I want answers. What the hell is happening to my heart?

I’m calling the cardiologist every day. They throw me a 24hour holter moniter to get me off their backs. But they Dont explain how I’m supposed to use it. I do it wrong! Oops our bad. 24 hours wasted. Lets do an echocardiagram that we should have done first -but we only do them on friday.😭

But lets up the frequency of the drugs. Me: ok I’m pretty sure its the only thing keeping me alive!

1 every 8 hours.

I can still barely function. I’m still afraid I’m going to die. I call my sister, I call my childhood best friend. We cry! Childhood friend says I love you I’ll leave tomorow be there in a day but I’m not vaccinated. 😭 sister says i’m vaccinated and I love you but I cant! Because its to dangerous there for my babies!

I understand.

Husband says I have to go back to work. I dont have a choice! We cant lose our car.

I need somone to sign fmla. I have no pcp.

We can get 2nd vaccines next week. 2 1/2 weeks to late.

They want me to stop taking the meds that are keeping me out of the ER to do a test to look at my heart valves.

Im so affraid.

IF YOU ARE NOT VACCINATED PLEASE GO GET VACCINATED NOW!!!

You are not safe no mater how isolated you are! Protect yourself and the community!

BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!

I love my family and my life. I’m scared.

All day I hear the ambulances up and down the street.

This morning they took a family member.

Humans out there

I’m so scared for our lives. Get vaccinated! And vaccinated or not, be a good human being and please Wear masks! Wash your hands! Use Sterile method! Its not to much! Do everything you can to fight this

Do everything you can to preserve life

DO IT BEFORE ITS TO LATE 🙏🏻💉🕊✌🏻



[clearlypositive]

Hey Alyssa I’m in a dilemma here and I’ve seen you giving advice and good responses to your messages (anon). So I’m wanting to ask for your advice. I have a student job (more like a placement) and i work a field instructor. She got Covid over Christmas and I have to work with her on Monday but I don’t feel comfortable. How can I tell her that I don’t want to attend a client home visit because I feel uncomfortable, Covid cases are going up :( and there were a few people who tested positive that worked in the office. We do wear PPE but is that really going to protect me ?!? I feel anxious and anxiety that I want to work with her although she did tell me that she is going back to work (monday) so she did test negative with rapid testing but honestly I’m not sure. I know I have a responsibility to come and be ready to work but I feel unsettled that I will be in close contact with her. I am fully vaccinated but that doesn’t mean I won’t catch it.

So here is what I don’t know what to do:

1. How can I explain to her how I feel

2. How can I improve my performance is Covid is on the rise and I feel “not my best” if Covid is ok my name

3. This may be too far to ask but like how can I go to “work” if I don’t feel comfortable what can they do to make me feel safe.

Hopefully u answer this by Friday night !!! :)

Wishing you well and a great weekend!

hi anon! thanks for messaging and i hope i can help too!

as long as you're wearing quality PPE, know that it will protect you. while cloth masks or surgical masks aren't as good as KN95 or N95 masks, they still are protective. now if you're wearing a gaiter/bandana and not a real mask, it's time to get actual PPE! but nonetheless, people are who COVID-positive should not be coming into work. i hope your employer has made that really clear!

it sounds like your supervisor had COVID a few weeks ago, but is now testing negative. she should not be contagious anymore and is OK to leave the home, but you should certainly still wear tight fitting PPE and keep distance when possible.

if you feel comfortable, you might see if you can ask for accommodations/flexibility until COVID isn't directly affecting the office as much. is there a way for you to focus on other responsibilities (besides client visits) for now? could you observe the client visit remotely/work remotely for a period of time? are they going to be putting in extra precautions with cases on the rise?

i think your best bet is just to be upfront and honest with your supervisor! you don't need to put the focus on being around her specifically, but more about how COVID has affected the workplace as a whole and why you're concerned. it's important to feel safe at the workplace, so you should voice those concerns to the supervisor.

you could also reach out to your academic advisor/counselor or internship/placement coordinator at the University and ask them for advice too. it's possible your school might have guidelines set up even if the individual placement sites don't!

i hope you have a good weekend too, stay safe anon!