#and i know that somebody might project onto this post that i'm saying that every Bad Person should be handled with kid gloves...

[uncanny-tranny]

I think many people cognitively understand that retributive justice is often ineffective and simply violent, but they don't want to rid themselves of the almost collective anger mindset that permits this kind of justice to remain in place, even socially. In short, the mindset still treats people as though they must be punished as severely as possible, and when one is wronged, the mindset goes to how violence can be used, which is not inherently the same as righting wrongs.

Justice is complex, and it's messy. That's why it's so important not to treat it simplisticly with only one solution.

[this-nightmare-doesnt-exist-yet]

I found one of my comic roughs from the camp thrasher thing.

I might actually redraw and finish it as a short one page clip. While I don't think I have the energy at the moment to do the full original short story that I had planned the scene that I have is too unsettling to leave undone.

I still think about the camp story world even though most have probably already forgotten about it in favor of more fandom driven projects.

I've been using some similar world themes in the Wild Flowers world but it's not quite there yet. I think a key part of why the camp thing has stuck with me is that as a side effect of its origins the core focus is connection vs isolation. It's already something that I think a lot about, so it's not surprising that where there is a lore with meat to it I have something to work with and gnaw on.

I've been hesitant about working on it because I still have some internalized nonsense about how some of my works have branched out from doing overly complex fan art.

Like somehow people expect all valuable artwork to come from nowhere, like immaculate conception.

But that's like saying that farming isn't legit unless you have hay bails over one night. The vast majority of the time you need seeds to even get started, and when weeds spring up over time you pull them out.

Much like the ship of Theseus, it's as if people know where things started then they will have the false assumption that it is the same thing by the end even if all parts are replaced.

So maybe the issue isn't that I am alone but rather that I feel like if I work alone then my work somehow has less external value due to a smaller idea source pool.

The idea that so long as I am alone with my thoughts everything that I do will be fan fiction in one way or another. It's bullshit, everybody gets inspiration from somewhere. It still hurts though when people ask how I came up with a thing and they grow a look of disappointment when I tell the truth.

I'm sorry to ruin the magic with facts but most art is made by fans of things, not gods pulling from nothing.

While the work may have lost it's status as being a fan fic it will always carry the mark of being fan art.

So I am left unsatisfied with anything that has cultural roots and feel the need to do the near impossible task of making everything from scratch, every little thing.

I hate having to lie to maintain the idealistic facade that the unaware project onto things.

I just want to make things without having to deal with the expectation of it being good.

If somebody likes it that's great, but that's not its intended purpose. The intent is often just to make something, often regardless of quality. I can make good art sometimes but please don't expect everything that is made to be good. The act of creation doesn't have to center around having a consumer.

I post art sometimes but the truth is that most of what I make goes unseen by eyes other than my own. The fact that I bother to share any of it is a separate process from the one of creation. Sharing my work is like when I find a cool rock out in the woods and I know that someone else would think it's cool too.

Sometimes it's fun to just enjoy things without it having to have a bigger purpose.

[warrenwaskilledbyadeer]

Can you pull your head out of your own ass for one SECOND and consider that not everyone in the world shares your experiences?

When did I ever say that LGBTs don't deserve safe spaces? When did I ever say that the fandom bullying was worse than the

FUCKING CONVERSION THERAPY???

You only saw what you wanted to see and didn't read a damn word that I said. You didn't listen to me at all and are just pulling your old arguments you use on anyone you come across on the internet out of your ass so you don't have to actually talk to me.

YES AROACE PEOPLE ARE FORCED INTO CONVERSION THERAPY AND EVEN TO TAKE MEDICATIONS AND RECEIVE SURGERIES TO MAKE THEM "NORMAL"

READ MY FUCKING WORDS

I hope you know that if my mom ever found out that I'm aroace I would be kicked out of my house in no time flat. I hope you know how many people receive emotional abuse from their parents and other family members on a daily basis because they don't experience romantic and/or sexual attraction. I hope you know how many people have SUFFERED from allonormativity and amatonormativity ruling the world since the dawn of time.

DOES THAT MEAN OTHER LGBT PEOPLE HAVE NOT SUFFERED? ABSOLUTELY NOT. ALL LGBT PEOPLE HAVE SUFFERED. WHEN THE FUCK DID I SAY OTHER LBGT PEOPLE HAVEN'T SUFFERED?

I also like your assumption that all aroace people are women. Very not sexist of you. Very progressive and forward thinking.

I also like your assumption that asexuality and aromanticism are not even real things. Why the fuck are you even talking to me if you don't believe that what I experience is real in the first place? Why do you care?

You are a really horrible, self-righteous self-centered person who can't see past the end of your own nose. I never even claimed to be oppressed in my original post. You've been projecting onto me from the beginning just because you want to have someone to fight and feel superior to. You want to get out all your talking points by lashing out at somebody who wasn't even asking for a fight but buddy I've had the worst month of my life and I will FUCKING fight you right now because you deserve it.

Gay people deserve to be protected. Lesbian people deserve to be protected. Pan and bi people deserve to be protected. Trans people deserve to be protected. And aroace people deserve to be protected.

To reiterate what I said before, "basic respect" entails not antagonizing people who are just existing and doing literally nothing else, something that you are clearly incapable of. If my existence makes you so mad, imagine how other people feel about me. Imagine the way people like you talk to me all the time.

Can you imagine your parents convincing you that you are actually straight and you're just a late bloomer and pressuring to find any boy at your school attractive? Can you imagine your friends pressuring you and telling you that it's impossible not to have a crush on anybody and you must be lesbian without knowing it? Can you imagine your faith leaders telling you not to have sex before you're married, but when you try to tell them you're never interested in having sex they relentlessly come at you telling you about how sex is a God-given gift and the most beautiful thing in creation and you must partake in it? Can you imagine every single TV show and movie ever made being about something you inherently can't understand? Can you imagine the whole world constantly screaming at you that you're broken, something is wrong with you, you can't possibly be real, simply because you experience no attraction?

I understand that gay people have had horrible things happen to them. Lesbian people, bi and pan, trans in particular have gone through unspeakable horrors, many of them might even be the same and feel the same.

BUT WHY THE FUCK SHOULD THAT MAKE OUR STRUGGLES INVALID JUST BECAUSE OTHERS HAVE GONE THROUGH THE SAME THING?

Your logic makes no sense. That just means I have even more in common with other queer people, and we all need to unite together in solidarity and proclaim to the world that we are real and we deserve to be accepted for who we are.

All through time, aroace men and women have been to forced to marry and have babies when they did not want to. Gay and lesbian people have gone through the same thing. That does not mean either of our struggles doesn't count.

All through time, unmarried men and women have been seen as strange, or sad, or disappointments because they "never got to have the complete fulfilling life they should have had." Only 150 years ago a woman who wasn't married by the age of 25 was considered an old spinster and a lost cause, a social outcast. In ancient times, women who didn't want to get married and have babies were seen as worthless to society. Yes, it's been harder on women than on men because sexism, but many men have still been and are aroace - they're not incapable of it. That's even MORE allonormativity talking, that all men are just sex-hungry machines.

I hope you know that by calling aroace people "attention-hungry narcissists" you are parroting the far right and the likes of Matt Walsh himself.

I also hope you know that with every word you continue to write to me you are proving the point of my original post. People do not treat aroace people with the basic respect of allowing us to exist in peace and leaving us alone.

Why is it so hard for aroace people to just get basic respect

[thegothicviking]

As re-entering a link from herzeleid.com never seem to work (??) I usually copy and paste the actual text. Remember a transcription of Flake chatting with fans that I posted from early 00'? Before this Paul had a similar if not the same chat. I have already too long post in tumblr now so it will be broken down in 2 parts!

PAUL CHAT WITH FANS part I

Transcribed by Jeremy Williams

Taken from Rammstein.com chat

October 26 , 2005

_____________________________

Mod: Hello to you all. Thanks for coming out. Paul will be here in just a few minutes. And then we're going to get started.

Paul: Let's go!

niti: +++

Mod: Sorry, there was a technical problem. But the chat will start soon.

niti: +++

**atomrt: how do you chose the sounds for each song because all of them fit perfectly?**

Paul: Thanks a lot! Sometimes that works out well, sometimes not so well.+++

**maria: Your album covers have always sparked a lot of controversy. Which cover is your favourite and why?**

Paul: The cover for Sehnsucht was the most dramatic in my opinion.+++

**Benzramm: What was coming out of the fake penis during the live act "Bück Dich"? **

Paul: That was water with Ouzo to make it milky.+++

**Beurgueur: Good evening, Have you ever thought to write a metal-opera based on rammstein’ story?**

Paul: Hopefully not. We have enough theater elements already.+++

**MafiUndomiel: I was at River Plate Stadium in Argentina, 1999, when you toured with KISS. You did almost surpassed KISS music and show with your impact, and many people was really impressed. I still remember the silence during Du Hast, as Till was singing the refrain. What do you remember of Argentina, of this show? **

Paul: Yeah, that was unbelievable. It's a shame that we can't play in South America this time. Flake was seriously ill.+++

**MafiUndomiel: Did Till write Te Quiero Puta on his own, or had some kind of external help? I know it's not very complicated, nor elaborated in the lyrics, but it's not easy to put two or three sentences together if you don't know the language... believe me! I'm still trying with German!**

Paul: He had some help from his girlfriend and from Flake's friend from Chile.

Paul: But Till can already speak Spanish so well that he only had a few questions about grammar.+++

**monkeyman: What type of gear do you use when recording in the studio?**

Paul: This would take two hours to list. Too much for now. Sorry.+++

**Hugo: Why did you choose almost the same cover for the japanese version of Reise, Reise and Rosenrot? **

Paul: Because we thought it would be a shame to use the cover only for the Japanese edition.+++

**MafiUndomiel: There are many bands that edited DVD and VHS with the footage they got when they recorded their albums, the creative process and all that stuff. Since many R+ fans are really interested in knowing "Rammstein's kitchen", have you considered releasing something of that kind?

** Paul: I filmed some of the footage during Reise, Reise and it will come out sometime on a DVD as bonus material.+++

**blastedop: What happened to Live DVD? It was delayed? **

Paul: Yeah a little bit, but we're going to try to do it this year.+++

**MafiUndomiel: I wanted to know how did you put your setlists together when you go to a country you've never been... you mix old and new material, or you prefer to show your new material above all, and play only the "classics"? **

Paul: We play a mix of both old and new.+++

**Jenna: As you are possibly the most successful band from Germany (singing in German) that you are expected to represent German music and culture to the rest of the world? **

Paul: It was never our plan to play all over the world.

Paul: Sometimes we wonder ourselves how this all happened.+++

**beurgueur: what american film director would you enjoy to make a ckip with **

Paul: Tarantino.+++

**Benzramm: Did you ever get hurt when you were working with fire on the live acts ? **

Paul: Sometimes.+++

**aeon: One Rammstein member said you had a movie project with Werner Herzog. Do you think this project will be carried out and would you like to act in something different from Rammstein videos ? **

Paul: It's been awhile with WErner herzog. Maybe it will work out, there's still a plan to do it.

Paul: +++

**Rammsteinizied: Dear Paul: What is your favorite live performance effect? (like the flamethrowes in Feuer frei or the bow in DRSG) **

Paul: The nose flame throwers that we use in Feuer frei!+++

**MafiUndomiel: Which was your first guitar? Do you still own it? **

Paul: It was a Telecaster copy. A cheap one. I gave away my first guitars at an auction for a good cause. No idea whether it worked out.+++

**Straya: This has been in my mind for a while now, and I must ask. From the sample songs on the official site, it seems Rosenrot might be your 'hardest/loudest' albums, the songs seem 'hard', in a way, like Ich Will, Feuer Frei, and Mein Teil; what do you think of this? **

Paul: I don't think so. There are fewer sequences so the guitars come out better.+++

**Synthema: Do you still feel that being in Rammstein is almost like being in a six-way marriage? Does the band still function as a tight a unit or have things drifted apart? **

Paul: Yeah.

Paul: We're still together. Knock on wood. We've been together for 10 years and now that we've gone through our crisis, we feel better than ever.

Paul: We've got money, success, beautiful women and all the rest.

Paul: Things can only get worse.+++

**Jenna: Do you think your videos help to stop you taking yourselves too seriously? **

Paul: We've always taken ourselves less seriously than many people think. our best friends know this.

Paul: At the moment, we don't feel like making any humouress videos.+++

**whiskeypapa: When writing a song, how many/what kinds of revisions does the song go through before finally making it onto an album? **

Paul: Some songs make it out directly as we conceived them. With other songs, we make 20 versions and they still don't make it.

Paul: +++

**Noora: HI! I'm a fashion and design student from Finland and I was wondering about your stage costumes...How much do you participate in the designing and making of the outfits that you use on your tours? I understand that every album has its own look. Do you first design the outline of the look as a band and hen consult a designer and maker? Thanx and welcome back to Finland! :)**

Paul: Most ideas come directly from the band. For the last outfit, we had the idea to combine Bavarian folkloric outfits with industrial.

Paul: Because Bavarian folklore is not very cool and we like to mix things that you're not supposed to.+++

**Beurgueur: Have you ever thought in what your life would be now if rammstein never was created?**

Paul: No. We don't think that way.+++

**minx: It’s been stated in several interviews that the band has two pyromaniacs in the group, but is there anyone who is not so fond of fire?**

Paul: Everybody in the band has a different specialty.

Paul: Each of us is really equally important.

Paul: It doesn'T matter what each does, it could be better when two are on vacation during preparation and actually help us to make a good video this way.+++

**Badeend: Who thinks of the titles of the cd's? Is it some kind of democraty or is it 1 man that decides?**

Paul: We make the decision as a group but it's not really a democracy. More like a board of directors.+++

**Biz: How have older industrial bands (such as Laibach or KMFDM) influenced you?**

Paul: A lot.

Paul: Also Ministry.+++

**minx: What is the oily black/brown liquid that you are all covered with on stage? Is it a fire retardant liquid?**

Paul: No.

Paul: That's a secret.+++

**minx: Why did you wear a paper bag over your head at the concert in Tallin, last November?**

Paul: I wanted to display an Iraqi prisoner.

Paul: There's a photo of a guy behind barbed wire and he's holding his son but he has a bag on his head.

Paul: That photo really had an impact on me.+++

**aeon: Why do you only do signing sessions in London and Paris? Why not in other big cities f Europe or even Germany? Or is anything planned? **

Paul: Actually we've only planned for Paris. London snuck in at the last minute.

Paul: I don't know any more signing sessions details right now.+++

**Badeend: Did you take gitar lessons or did you teach it on your self?**

Paul: Self-taught.

Paul: +++

**minx: I am going to be at the signing in London on Sunday. Do you enjoy doing those types of promotional events or are they just ‘hard work’?**

Paul: Sometimes it's a lot of fun but other times it can be exhausting.+++

**Synthema: It could be said that the "Rosenrot" photos are quite a departure image-wise from what one would expect from the band. Was this something that was decided by the band for a particular reason, or is this the sort of decision that is out of your hands? Does your management or record label have much control over how you present yourselves, or is that left to you?**

Paul: We don't like to repeat ourselves.

Paul: Usually the band always has the last word on these amtters. But weR'e not always interested in all of the details.+++

**Badeend: What is the new instrument you used in the song Te Quiero Puta?**

Paul: Trumpet.+++

**beurgueur: do you think you'll be on stage again when you'll be 60? (like rolling stones for example...)**

Paul: Hopefully somebody will die first. Then we won'T have to worry about that.+++

**minx: Do you do you all do own make-up for the shows?**

Paul: Yes.+++

**OK-River: Will Rammstein play again "Bück Dich" in a concert, or it is something of the past?**

Paul: I wouldn't say no.+++

**blastedop: Rosenrot is so diferent from Reise Reise. How is this possible if these songs are from Reise Reise recording season?**

Paul: I don'T think so. Listen to the whole album.+++

**Benzramm: Are you a sort of scared when flake is going with his boat in the public ? **

Paul: No.

Paul: But it was always Oli last year.+++

**whiskeypapa: Which of your songs invokes the most emotion from you?**

Paul: Seemann.+++

**MsBehaviour: Greetings from Finland and good evening! My question is, you have been playing together as a band for quite a many years now, and there is a big difference in the sound of Herzeleid and the sound of Reise Reise. Does this "evolution" come naturally to you, or do you make conscious decisions as to where to direct your sound? How do you feel about the change?**

Paul: There are some of us who want to stay the same.

Paul: There's some of us who want to always change.

Paul: These parties fight each other and the result is a new album or a black eye.+++

**MafiUndomiel: Have you heard a cover version of Keine Lust made by a Russian guy called Miguel? What did you think about it?**

Paul: Not yet, unfortunately.+++

**Badeend: Do you have a private jet or do you have to rent a plane?**

Paul: When the record company pays, we fly Business. When we have to pay, it'S Tourist class. Sometimes, when the connections are difficult, we rent a litlle jet.+++

**luna: First "Snow White" now "Rose Red". Do the members of Rammstein have a fondness for fairytales?**

Paul: Who doesn't?+++

**Synthema: Do you still enjoy performing live after all these years, or is it more of a chore now?**

Paul: If we didn't like it, we wouldn't have been around so long.+++

**Benzramm: Is there a double meaning in the songtexts of your songs ? **

Paul: Yeah. But the subtleties and double-meanings get lsot in translation.+++

**Badeend: What is your favorite song or cd?**

Paul: Kill Bill 1.+++

**DRS2G: Is "Hilf Mir" inspired by a Heinrich Hoffmann's tale?!**

Paul: Yes.+++

**Synthema: Have you ever felt that the success of Rammstein has been a negative thing for you in your personal life? That it makes it difficult to decide who to trust and who not to?**

Paul: It is difficult to stay normal despite money and success.

Paul: We fight this on a daily battle but we usually win.+++

**Beurgueur: from a viewer: what guitar do you use for your c tuning, and what guitar does richard use for this?**

Paul: I play a Gibson Les Paul and Richard plays ESP guitars.+++

**Benzramm: Did you really go to the mountains for the videoclip "Ohne Dich"?**

Paul: Yes. The was the funnest video of them all.

Paul: The thin air up there was difficult.

Paul: I'm impressed by mountain climbers who go even higher.

Paul: It was difficult for our crew and us.+++

**MafiUndomiel: how did you and richard decided who was going to be lead and who rythm guitars?**

Paul: Good question.

Paul: We're both stubborn.

Paul: It's a fight every time but we're still doing alright up to now.

Paul: Actually, the winner is supposed to be the one who plays the best solo.+++

**Badeend: Do you still have to take guitar lessons to play better?**

Paul: No.+++

**blastedop: Do you visit fansites? How about a Top 10 Fansites in the official page?**

Paul: From time to time.+++

**Badeend: Why did you pick just that girl for the Texas vocal in Stirb nich vor Mir?**

Paul: It was our producer's idea.+++

**MafiUndomiel: Paul, is there any country that you´d like to visit or going on tour, and you haven´t yet? Why?**

Paul: Yes, we would love to go to Turkey, Mongolia, Iraq. We know we've got lots of fans there.+++

**Jenna: Which current musicians (Not youselves, I'm sorry) do you think are creating the best work at the moment?**

Paul: System of a Down, Muse, Snoop Doggy Dog, Eminem, Slip Knot, etc.+++

**Rammsteinizied: Dear Paul, How do you feel about us fans?**

Paul: It's an honour.+++

**Minx: Do you have a favourite guitar part in a particular song you really enjoy?**

Paul: +++

**DRS2G: Will "Rosenrot" be the 2nd single from your new album?!**

Paul: Yes.+++

**Straya: I'm wondering how this question has not come up yet... but, plenty of people are asking if you guys will tour in America and Canada. I don't mean for this to be one of those annoying questions. But, has anything be talked about?**

Paul: I'm certain that we'll tour North and South America with our next album.+++

**rammsteinuk: I read in a recent interview that there were some arguments within the band during the production of 'Mutter'. Have there been any more strong disagreements like this since?

**Paul: Thankfully not. There's always stress when six stubborn people meet, but nothing serious.+++

**minx: Most influential musician on yourself?**

Paul: Laibach, Ministry, Metallica, Nirvana.+++

**blastedop: Did you like Benzin video? Schneider didnt.**

Paul: I don't think it's that bad.

Paul: We've had three really good videos in a row, so it'S hard to keep the standards so high.

Paul: I'm glad that there's some variation, next time we'll improve.+++

**whiskeypapa: First, Reise Reise saw a "country moment" with Los, and now Rosenrot has Te Quiero Puta. If you could make a fusion of Rammstein and any other world music (for fun), what would it be?**

Paul: Yes, I interested in all combinations of things that don'T fit together.+++

**Biz: Are there any downsides to being famous?**

Paul: We're famous but we can still buy groceries in Berlin without bodyguards.

Paul: We've got nothing to complain about.

Paul: Our band is famous around the world but we still have normal lives, thank God.+++

**minty: Paul are you looking forward to the world cup next year? who will win?**

Paul: Yes. It doesn'T look good for Germany right now.

Paul: I hope that a miracle happens.+++

**aeon: Do you hope your music will still be appreciated in many years from now or it doesn't matter to you ?**

Paul: I think that we're relatively timeless.

Paul: But that'S probably what every band thinks and two years later nobody cares ...+++

**DRS2G: Was it good to be directed by Jonas Akerlund?!**

Paul: Yes, he's just a cool guy.+++

[atozfic]

Love when people reveal themselves as being so obviously online and insulated in leftist/progressive circles that they seem to forget that the rest of the world is not nearly as accepting or supportive of not conforming of gender roles as these spaces are. Like when did you say the reason anyone likes femsub or the reason it's popular at all is because they're young or don't know anything about sex? To me it's pretty clear you were talking about it as a larger trend and why it's so much popular than everything else overall. And to be completely frank, what is the reason femsub is so much popular than anything else OVERALL (not why any individual person likes it or it has any kind of appeal), if not gender roles? Are women just naturally more submissive than men (not saying you think this)? Because I have seen people say this, yes even so-called "feminist" men and women, that my preferences are unnatural because men evolved to be sexually dominant and women evolved to be sexually submissive, and that I'll never be in a happy or satisfying relationship unless I make myself more submissive and change my preferences because men just naturally don't like dominant women. I'm pretty sure you would not like if I took those hurtful and negative experiences and said any woman is submissive is that way is because they're misogynists who just think it's all women's nature to be submissive. And I'm pretty sure of this cause of the way that you freaked out when you even THOUGHT somebody might be implying that when they weren't. So why the fuck is it okay for you to say dom women are the way that we are because we think we're "enlightened" or more strong or better than everyone else and only like what we like because we want to be ~not like other girls~ for attention because of your negative experiences? And I like how they only talk about submissive or vanilla women getting shamed, so true bestie, dom type women, sexually or otherwise, never get shamed for their preferences. Nope, never ever. It's not like people always joke about women "wearing the pants" in the relationship and how it means she doesn't respect her partner. It's not like assertive or aggressive women are called a "bitch" but when men act that way it's sexy. It's not like religion teaches women they have to submit to men or no man will ever love them or they'll never be happy. It's not like people say that women that want to be dominant are "acting like men" or "want to be men" and therefore are unattractive, as if dominance is inherently masculine thing. It's not like a lot of men genuinely believe that all/most women want to be dominated in bed and so they don't even have to ask, they just do things to you and try to dominate you without your permission or consent or without ever having talked about that kind of thing before. Nope, we must have it sooo easy because we've got grrrrllll powerrr on our side, all women love us cause they think we're such cool independent and empowered women, and all men love us cause they think we're just so cool and not like the other girls. Like honestly, I don't assume to know what they experience of submissive women is like or that they must have it so easy because they're preferences are in line with gender roles, because I'm not one and i know they don't always have it easy because I've heard of women in the irl bdsm community being treated badly by shitty men who think it's okay to abuse them or do whatever they want to them because they're sub identified (or sometimes just because they're women). So why is it okay for you to assume what are experience is like?

I'm not involved in any real life bdsm community because corona and I'm anti-social bitch but I do like to lurk on online communities for fun (something I should probably stop doing cause it's not good for my mento health luv lmao). This whole thing reminds me of these weird ass screeds I sometimes come across by straight male doms on reddit where they go on and on trying to reconcile their desires with feminist politics either because a) they're genuinely a misogynistic piece of shit and people call them out on it or b) they're genuinely progressive/humanist men who have some difficulty reconciling their desire to be dominant with feminism for whatever reason. And so they do this weird thing where they project these worries and insecurities outwards, and manufacture a situation where anyone who criticises gender roles at all is against them personally, and it would be so much easier if they were just a female dom instead, everyone would apparently have no problem at all with them then, cause grrrrllll powerrr.

I don't like to engage in armchair psychology but the follow-up ask from that anon made it pretty clear to me that they have some insecurities around reconciling their preference for submission with feminism because of some negative and hurtful experiences, and so they deal with it by projecting it onto anyone that suggests that gender roles might be why SOME people gravitate more towards it and why it's so much more popular than everything else. I'm sorry that those people said those things to you anon, they're wrong, but a) most of those people tend to be against all bdsm in general, not just femsub and b) you need to work out those insecurities by yourself. You can't lash out at anyone who tries to talk about the relationship between societal norms and preferences at all, it's not helpful or productive.

Also how do they know those people unfollowed you for that reason? Is that an assumption or a verifiable fact? I'm not necessarily saying they didn't either, I'm not a mind reader, but like, some people are just sexist and think women are naturally submissive, sexually or otherwise. I've met them before.

to quote my therapist: that was alot to unpack.

i'm gonna give a longer reply under the cut but i just want to state here i'm not posting this ask to offend or hurt, or even "one-up", the original anon who sent that ask regarding sub!females. i have no issue with them and, again, think they're in every right to send their original ask. i'm posting it because i do think this anon made some very interesting points and brought up alot of worthy of being discussed topics.

let me also put a disclaimer here that i am not a genius nor someone very well-versed in gender politics, i'm simply a twat on the internet with a negative mindset.

"Love when people reveal themselves as being so obviously online and insulated in leftist/progressive circles that they seem to forget that the rest of the world is not nearly as accepting or supportive of not conforming of gender roles as these spaces are."

this. omfg, t h i s. i see this so much, especially in my younger cousins/relatives who are just now beginning to develop their own political opinions. let's take the conversation away from dom/sub for one second and just focus on gender in society. one of the clearest examples of gender affecting the way someone is treated/viewed is something i've experienced first-hand: i was misdiagnosed four times before i was correctly given my diagnosis for ASD, because most of the studies regarding it center around boys and, therefore, most women go undiagnosed. in fact, for years it was believed only men could have it which is why there has been such a surgence in the past few years of adult women being diagnosed with autism. i remember hitting high school, experiencing academic burn-out (thanks to everything moving too fast + my classmates catching up to me intellectually) and having my teachers treat me like i was an imbecile, or i was lazy, rather than just someone with neurodivergence. (this isn't me implying tjat men with ASD have it easy or that society accepts them anymore than women, it's only easier for them to get diagnosed.)

"it's not like people always joke about women wearing the pants."

this applies to both the shaming of dom women and sub men. the amount of men who get treated like they're "losing their manhood" for letting a women(or anyone else) dom them is ridiculous.

honestly, I think at the end of the day (and to close up this whole issue-that's-not-really-an-issue), we're unfortunately always going to live in a world where people have opinions against either side of the dom/sub spectrum, or the whole bdsm community in general. the best thing we can do is try lessen the internal conflict, especially between dom and sub women. we gotta stop treating each other like the enemy when all we really are is people with a differing preference. at the end of the day, what someone chooses to do in their bedroom is no one else's business (unless it harms anyone) and we need to take away the importance we seem to put on it. we're on a floating rock in space, who cares if becky likes to peg her boyfriend on a sunday morning or if stacy likes to be tied up on a thursday evening?

also, anon, i like the way you worded this whole ask. despite it being long, it was easy to read and you made some great points. sorry my reply isn't more exciting, i just in general agree with most of what you've said.

[chaos-and-chill]

Check, Please! Ships as country songs I have saved on Spotify

Zimbits- Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

Jack and Bitty have both had their share of shit thrown on them in their lives, but they’ve become so much stronger for all of it. “I think about the years I spent just passin' through - I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you - But you just smile and take my hand - You've been there, you understand”

Holsom- Heads Carolina, Tails California by Jo Dee Messina

I don’t know why (maybe Niagra Falls and Myrtle Beach), but Holsom seems like they’d rather be road tripping together than doing anything else in the world. Also, this song is about going somewhere, anywhere, as long as you’re together, which is reminiscent of the whole post-grad “soulless corporate grunt work” debacle. “Where don't matter long as we're goin' - Somewhere together, I got a quarter - Heads Carolina, tails California”

Shardo- In Case You Didn’t Know by Brett Young

Okay, I’m kinda falling into fanon here, but that’s just how my life goes now I guess, so! This song is kinda that whole “I love you, I’m pretty sure you love me, and we don’t really talk about how much we mean to each other because normally we don’t have to, but I’m going to tell you I love you anyways” vibe, which is also (for me at least) very much Shitty and Lardo!! Like, “I can't count the times - I almost said what's on my mind - But I didn't - Just the other day - I wrote down all the things I'd say - But I couldn't”? Also “In case you didn't know - Baby I'm crazy 'bout you - And I would be lying if I said - That I could live this life without you - Even though I don't tell you all the time - You had my heart a long, long time ago” is totally Shitty being in love with Lardo since sophomore year.

Nurseydex- Somebody Like You by Keith Urban

Nursey and Dex both try to address their individual trauma/life experiences/prejudices and correct the assumptions they’d made of each other, and in just about every fic I’ve read, that’s what allows them to be friends/partners. “And I let go of all my lonely yesterdays - I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made” and “Sometimes it's hard for me to understand - But you’re teaching me to be a better man - I don't want to take this life for granted like I used to do” seem to reflect that really well.

Charmer- Stuck On You by Sugarland

Okay, they’re SoCal Sunshine Squared ™️ and I love them. That’s just facts?? But this song is just fun. It’s sweet, too—“You do that thing that makes me laugh - And just like that - There you go making my heart beat again - Heart beat again, heart beat again - There you go making me feel like a kid - Won't you do it and do it one time - There you go pulling me right back in - Right back in, right back in - And I know I'm never letting this go - I'm stuck on you - Whoa-oh, whoa-oh - Stuck like glue - You and me baby - We're stuck like glue” Basically they love each other with this child-like optimism? Chowder, I think, tries to go through life with that same wide-eyed wonder, because life is cool as shit sometimes, and appreciating the little things is the way to fucking go.

Anyways!!! That was that!! I don’t think I’ll do another set, but I might go different playlists at some point? Or if someone requests something, I’d love that. But this is probs a one-off; I have a (rather big) Check, Please! project I’m working on at the moment.

Inspirational credit to @omg-whiskey, I saw their Dex playlist post and absolutely ADORED it, and it got me thinking onto this track!!

[infiniteglitterfall]

this is an amazing post. I'm so relieved to see other people talking about how complicated and even painful it can be, to try to get dressed, as a nonbinary person.

I feel this so hard, because right now my range of choices is like, frat bro with no fashion sense; or bearded femme guy who's binding but wearing a glitter sequin shirt and/or a skirt; or ????? go with the more natural feeling look of the glitter goth but without a binder, whatever people read that as, idk; or do the frat bro without a binder, but it's less noticeable in a giant t-shirt so I also don't know what people are guessing there. (This might be more of a "fashionless dad" look, now that I'm thinking about it, since right now my shirt says "All Joking A Salad" around a picture of a salad.)

And getting dressed is this mishmash of "what am I called to wear today?" and "do I have the emotional spoons to not worry about what other people might think?" and "where am I going and how safe do I think it is for trans people there and do they have gender-neutral bathrooms" and "but what's actually clean?"

Each of our stories is very individual, and not enough of them get any kind of visibility.

I'm afab as well, and for me, trying to be read as female feels a lot more like an Act Of Being Trans than trying to be read as a guy. Maybe because, after (and even while) taking low doses of T to be able to pass as more things, I spent a long time exploring what it was like to present as a femme woman. And, at times, not having room in my life to present any other way. And sometimes getting clocked (and, at least once, outed) by people who thought I was a trans woman.

And it kind of felt like, if I can't convince you that I'm my assigned gender, then I don't know what I have left. Like I was trying to stand on the last scrap I had of what society claimed was solid and real, even knowing darn well that it absolutely wasn't. Like, because I knew deep down that this wasn't a solid and real piece of me, it was terrifying to think that someone might notice that and take it away.

It was harder and scarier, in this very weird way that I don't know how to articulate. And a lot more exhausting, like...

I think part of it is that, although cis women's gender expression is super policed, there's a lot of variance that's recognized to exist. Even if a lot of it's punished. And that can make it really hard to pass as anything else, if you're in the transmasc spectrum.

Trans women's gender expression is FAR more policed, but one aspect of that is that if a cis person can tell you're trans, a lot of the time they'll assume you're in the transfem spectrum. Because that's the only one that's on their radar at all. Which can also complicate passing, for people in both groups.

It's the middle of the night and I'm sleep-deprived, so I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here. I guess that gender is hard, and clothes are hard, and every nonbinary person has to discover and/or create their own rules about what style(s) works for them. And then on top of that, we have to navigate a world where everybody else projects a totally different system's rules onto that.

And also, I kind of wish every truscum who thought that nonbinary people don't "experience dysphoria" had to read the post above... without interacting with it.

I also really appreciate the mention that there's not currently halacha, for this, for nonbinary people. It can be hard, for me, to navigate gendered halacha as a nonbinary person, and it's nice to see other people talk about that!

(For those who don't know, halacha is usually translated as "Jewish law"; but I like the definition of it as "a set of Jewish rules and practices" more. Partly because "law," to me, implies a level of authoritarianism, and a lack of debate, or of local differences, or change, that is the opposite of what I've found in Judaism.)

And it's also really good to see somebody talking about how going with the customs or presentation for a binary gender, as a nonbinary person, is actually not presenting as their gender, and not... I don't have words for this?

It's not the unnamed act of having a gender that you could present as, but not presenting as that. It's not a "not yet". It doesn't inherently mean you're closeted because you pass, or because you don't, or that you are "pre-transition."

I just rarely see people talking about how wearing gendered clothing can also be an act that is totally separate from how you express your gender. Like a uniform. Like it's a hollow space that people take on and inhabit.

Maybe like how hermit crabs choose their shells, speaking of shells. A soda can can be filled with soda, or with a hermit crab. A hermit crab can choose a seashell, or a soda can. Listen, its literally after midnight and I don't know how to explain that presenting as a given gender can be an act of finally being who you are for one trans person, and be something you hate and long to escape because it gives you dysphoria for another, and be an act of doing not of being for a third, and all three of those things can be equally real. Send help.

Reflection on gendered dressing in tznius as a non-binary person:

I’ve noticed lately that I’m a lot less stressed about my daily attire than I once was. I was getting an outfit ready for the morning the other night and realized that it was just so … easy. I used to spend a lot of time figuring out what to wear. I was very concerned not just about looking appropriate and feeling comfortable, but about the more expressive side of outfitting, and not even just about being fashionable. I felt this enormous pressure to not just put on clothing in the morning, but to get in touch with some deeper, existential form of self so that I knew how to present myself.

This is very much a genderfluid problem.

The thing about it is that when you’re a trans person, your gender presentation – of which clothing is one of the most readily identifiable attributes – is heavily scrutinized. For men and women, this often turns into a policing of trans men’s masculinity and trans women’s femininity. Are they performing it Right? Do they ‘pass’? etc.

The questions for a non-binary person are related but different. For non-binaries, and in particular, non-binary people whose presentations fluctuate, putting on clothing isn’t just a functional necessity or even a fashion statement, but an incredibly deep expression of who they are and how they relate to their gender on any given day.

The questions that arise from this are equally intense. I once wrote this about it:

There are several feedback loops going on here. How I present myself is a balancing act between how I’m identifying at any given moment and how the outside world sees me (and all the social and safety issues related to it). How I choose to present my gender is a reflection of this; yet at the same time, the way I present myself subtly (or not-so-subtly) influences how I see myself, and absolutely influences how I am seen and treated by others. How I am treated also has a major effect on how I see myself, and therefore, how I present myself. Ultimately, my internal identity, my gender expression, and the way I am seen and gendered are so closely tied together as to be inseparable.

This used to be my everyday reality.

As I’m sure you can imagine, this put an immense amount of pressure on what is for most people an incredibly simple, daily act and ended up taking up a ton of mental and emotional energy. Nailing an outfit was definitely a high – the internal and the external really really match!! – but losing that game could make me dysphoric all day. I’d sometimes even take additional clothing with me for this reason, just in case. Traveling with me was terrible as I would overpack for every possible iteration and variation of self.

So to find myself in a situation where clothing is easy and looking nice and feeling comfortable is a relatively thoughtless task is just strange.

Basing my clothing choices on halacha rather than on something of deep, individual significance manages to both give me agency and take some away in order to achieve a balance that is harmonious. If I follow women’s halacha (which is generally what I do) then I wear skirts, period. Moreover, I wear long skirts and long-sleeve high-necked shirts. That removes any doubt in most people’s minds as to what sex I am. It also makes a lot of other gender-related and fashion-related decisions for me.

Skirts are seen as de facto dressier, and so I have a very easy time looking professional as well. Wearing more covering clothing (within reason) is incredibly practical I’ve found, and so the comfort and functionality aspects are also pretty much always there, too.

As a non-binary person with a very fluid presentation – or at least the capacity for such – I’ve found that making the personal choice to stick with halacha-based clothing choices takes away the pressure to make any kind of a statement about my gender. It’s not about my gender, which is non-binary and for which there is no halacha [yet!] Rather, it’s more like a uniform that I feel more of a moral compunction to wear, and it has nothing to do with how I feel about it.

Although I completely acknowledge that this could be incredibly unhealthy and toxic for many people, in my individual, personal situation, it removes a frustrating and spoons-draining aspect of my life, which frees up mental and emotional space for more worthy items. (The choice aspect of it is a critical component.) To that end, I give myself the latitude to dress however I want, and in so doing remove all but the most occasional need to present differently. On those days I do; the rest of the time, I don’t. It’s that simple.

I do not feel less non-binary for this. In fact, I feel freed from a weird sort of authenticity test that seems to be directed at non-binary people who sometimes or frequently present themselves in a feminine way. Part of why I used to feel such pressure to present in just the exact right way – down to the aesthetic – was because I was feeling an immense pressure to present as non-binary in a society that doesn’t yet really have a category for that.

What that works out to in practice is that non-binary people (especially those assigned female at birth) often feel pressured to present more masculine than they feel because the goal is androgyny – and androgyny is often just ~soft masculinity~ or queer masculinity 2.0. (I could go into a whole only somewhat related gender theory rant about this but will spare you.) In any event, I’m not masculine 99% of the time, and so it just doesn’t make sense for me to present in ways that – while I can certainly adapt to them over time – do not come naturally to me.

There’s also just something very materialistic and Western about clothing being the basis of one’s gender expression. My gender doesn’t change just because I put on pants, and it doesn’t stop being fluid just because I actively choose to present myself in one way. I end up expressing the variously gendered parts of my personality in different, and frankly healthier, ways now that it’s not tied to the clothes I put on my body.

So anyway I wear skirts and shells now and it’s been actively helpful for me, specifically as a non-binary person, despite what I’m sure some might see as internalized transphobia or whatever else.