#and i know my parents are gonna kill me if i get bad grades because i ‘don’t study enough’

[lakesbian]

you know what. im going to follow my heart so we can move on with the wormread and just copy-paste what i said about danny in chapter 6.9 on discord with some minimal editing because it's not pretty but the general thesis is there and i don't feel like making it into proper paragraph form

okay so the thing thats fucking killing me abotu 6.9 is that danny is literally like. he tries to call taylor a nickname only her mom called her once he realizes he's fucked up bad and is trying to recover whichi s insane [because it's obviously going to be upsetting to her by reminding her of her mom being gone, and it also indicates that his fall-back for something going wrong w/ taylor is to try to appeal to her by poorly copying someone else's parenting style] and he also randomly tells her about how her mom wanted to move her a grade ahead but he wanted her to stay in school with emma to make her happy. and he's been Stewing On That despite knowing it's objectively not his fault (and i am reminded of how in his interlude he spends time Stewing about how he wishes annette were there to give advice) and he also cops up to the fact that that the whole thing about "being her parent and not her ally" (<- demented thing to say for obvious reasons) wherein he locks her in a room and demands emotional vulnerability from her even as she's becoming visibly upset & compares his actions to emma's was her grandmother's idea and then. here's the real kicker. once lisa shows up and prepares to take taylor away there are any number of actions a parent confident that they're doing the right thing for their child would normally do in response--not, like, Good actions, but things that a parent would be likely to pull. threatening to call the cops bc blah blah you're my daughter, wanting to speak to lisa's parents, any form of power move pulled over these two teenage girls but instead he speaks to lisa like she's an equal authority over taylor and seriously asks if she's "okay with this" (i should remind you of the concussion chapter where lisa is doing some insane power move shit over taylors dad covertly establishing herself as more competent at caring 4 her than him lmao) which is just like. it's so glaringly wildly obvious how this guy has Zero confidence in himself as a parent so he generally does nothing and then while he's doing nothing he oscillates btwn rationalizing it to himself as allowing her privacy/dignity, getting angry at himself/calling himself a coward, or getting mad at TAYLOR and blaming HER for not being the one to take initiation to be vulnerable with him and, like. he literally does make functional decisions prior to this for a bit! he's good and supportive at the meeting with the school board about the bullying!!! but it doesn't immediately solve literal years of distance between them that have led to taylor having to take decisionmaking for her wellbeing entirely into her own hands w/o being able to tell him about it [& having literally no route for human connection or support other than the undersiders] so he just completely crumbles on his own calls and seeks out/takes completely shit advice from taylor's grandma instead so i very much think what's insinuated here is like. especially given that he knows he has anger issues and never wants to Be Scary with them. he might have frequently leaned on annette for parenting decisions before she died and/or is really fucking haunted by the time(s) he didn't listen to her and it went wrong and now that she's gone he's just kinda floundering and trying to toss the baton for parental decisionmaking onto anyone else, including, at one point, the literal teenage girl who shows up to help taylor run away from his house. insane ! also. thinking about how taylor says her grandma (maternal) never liked her dad. that man would literally rather talk to the mother of his dead wife, who hates him, and take her advice than go 'yeah ithink im gonna keep using my own judgement for compassion towards my daughter' fucking worst anyones ever done it this guy has the spine of a twizzler it's great

...and then doing All That & severely triggering taylor's trauma from the bullying in the process completely shatters any trust he had built with her, catalyzing her realization that she wants to be able to have meaningful relationships with the undersiders & leading to her running away to leave with them! i don't think anyone can say for sure whether or not danny Not doing this would have led to taylor turning the undersiders in before realizing that she would regret it, but oh fucking boy does he make SURE she doesn't go thru with it. and it would be bad to call the cops on a bunch of systematically neglected traumatized teenagers regardless of how much crime they're doing so you know what maybe we should actually thank danny for his Shit Parenting stopping taylor from being a narc

[sweetdispatch]

hi 👋 matt rempe

🎀 1

🧸 5

thank you ☺️☺️

prompt list

You had a terrible time at university and felt like you’re failing everyone. Your parents were putting pressure on you to get the best grades since it was your last year. Your friends were tired of your excuses when they wanted to hang out and stopped caring about you. Your project group didn’t care and everything was on your head. On top of that, you started pushing away your boyfriend. 

You and Matt lived together but the last thing you wanted was to be his burden when he was struggling enough during the season. Every question he asked you about university, you simply ignored. You felt like it’s easier than showing your weakness. You acted like you’re handling everything perfectly but that was far from the reality. 

One day you broke down. When the professor said that he can’t accept the project without others' work, this was your last straw. You tried to explain it to your project partners but they didn’t care about it. You got back home and went to the bathroom. All you wanted was to wash your makeup, dressed up in Matt’s clothes and lay in bed staring at the ceiling. 

You saw your reflection in the mirror and started crying. You don’t know how long you’ve been there but it had to be long enough because Matt came back from training. He saw your bag on the floor and went to search for you. He saw the light in the bathroom.

“Are you there?” His voice brought you back to reality.

“Yeah, give me a minute”. You tried to stop crying but you couldn’t. 

“I can hear you crying, let me help”. His heart was breaking in pieces when he heard your voice full of tears. You unlocked the door and sat on the toilet. “Tell me what’s wrong”.

“Everything! This last year is killing me. My parents are pushing me, my friends act like I don’t exist and I don’t have any help from my project group which means I might fail”. You finally admitted what’s been on your heart for the past month. 

“Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?” Matt felt bad for not seeing the signs earlier. 

“You already have a lot on your plate and I didn’t want to be a burden. I thought that if I say something you’ll leave me”. You sobbed. 

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere. We’re a team, your problems are my problems too”. He pulled you into a hug. “Tell me, what I can do to make you feel better. I hate hearing you crying”.

“Movies and cuddles?” You asked.

“It’s gonna be my pleasure”. Matt kissed the top of your head.

[creatingblackcharacters]

hello! i'm wondering how i should approach a Black female character with a complex relationship to violence. plot context: she herself does not commit any, but she does enable and encourage her white girlfriend to kill and maim people. it's not in a fantasy context, and she's not at all framed as manipulating her love interest into doing bad things. more like two fucked up people making each other more fucked up. she's never going to be harmed or in danger around the violent character, but she will witness it and find it fun. characterization context: she's a college student making the best grades she can with aspirations of going to a good law school and becoming a patent lawyer. she was raised by working class parents and is determined to make enough money to provide for her and her younger siblings. to a certain extent she feels pressured by the idea of her Black Excellence and the need to represent her family. she's hyper-feminine and enjoys y2k fashion, anime, and old technology, but sometimes second guesses if she should be open about her hobbies for fear people will take her less seriously. <- she will actively overcome this in the narrative as she leaves an abusive relationship and cements her sense of self. she learns about her love interest killing people after said character kills her ex. she processes this as a huge romantic gesture and swoons over it. while she finds her girlfriend's murderous tendencies very hot, she demands that she's careful about it because she doesn't want any hot water splashing on herself and ruining her chances at becoming a lawyer. ^ please let me know if any of this at all raises red flags to you as racist! FTR her ex-boyfriend is not Black, because i don't think its a great look to have a white woman kill a Black man to "protect" his Black girlfriend. this does come with the downside of my character being a Black woman in an abusive relationship with a non-Black man and finding solace in another non-Black person, which is something i think could also read in poor taste. should i nix the abusive ex in general? many thanks for taking your time to do this for us all, and so sorry if this is too long!

I mean, Black characters in toxic situations can be very fun too (I love a good 'We Murder Folks While In Love' story)! It's not that we can't be written in these situations, it's that 1) we are cognizant of how we are writing them, so as not to lean into stereotype to strengthen our story and 2) that we recognize some viewers are gonna have their biases against them regardless and perceive that story in that way.

I can see where your concerns are in the ex story and him being Black, good job for considering it. That story could be written, yes, but I think it would require a deeper understanding of misogynoir and not white savior writing.

If it were ME, one way I'd handle this situation would be allowing her some more autonomy in what's happening. Like, maybe she gets the chance to lash out at her ex, and she is the one in theoretical control of the knife in her new girlfriend's hand at that moment. Just give her some empowerment in it, in who dies.

I also think as long as you focus on the why's of your Black character falling in love with this woman (and it not leaning towards a "look, she is the pinnacle of the safest choice, she the White Woman"), you'll be fine. Again, focus on her autonomy, and how she makes space for this woman in her life as it develops, versus a narrative of that woman saving her.

[brandoscomet]

im back for more diego x vampire!reader heheee o(｀ω´ )o

Since vampires have regenerative abilities what if reader and diego were fighting another stand user and reader purposefully gets attacked to trap the person they’re fighting but diego is like UNAWARE of the healing so he thinks reader is sacrificing themselves and the enemy is killed or whatever but reader casually gets back up maybe a little woozy from the blood loss AND HES SO CONFUSED 😭😭 i think it would be so silly -🦇

HI 🦇!!! So glad you’re back!

Sorry this took so long, so much has happened that I haven’t had much time to write 😭. I missed school on Monday this week, so I’m “grounded” for the rest of the school year and won’t have my phone back (except for when I’m at work or school) until June-

So getting things written is gonna be interesting. But I’ll try my best to still get things out to you all, because I do really enjoy writing these.

****most requests will not be in order, I’m picking the ones I feel I can finish quickly and accurately first, just so I can have content to post instead of sitting on one request for days on end because I have to think about how to write it 😭

This is so embarrassing, I don’t think any of my friends’ parents have grounded them since they were in, like, ninth grade lol (which was only 2 years ago, but still!!!)

ANYWAYS!!

————————————

Peril - Diego Brando X Reader

————————————

The attack came out of nowhere. You and your partner, Diego, were riding through the American desert when, all of a sudden, Diego was struck off of his horse.

You watched in horror as he hit the ground with a hard, hollow thud behind you.

Diego’s horse skidded to a halt while you willed your own to do a sharp turnaround, trying to get back to Diego before whatever hit him could do it again.

When you reached him, he was trying to stand, dusting himself off. It was clear that the fall had knocked the wind out of him, and you felt bad, but there was no time for either of you to catch your bearings— you had to worry about an enemy you couldn’t detect.

“You were behind me— did you see where it came from?” Diego rasped, still trying to catch his breath.

“I have no clue. I didn’t see anything”

He sucked his teeth, frustrated that he’d been caught off guard.

Standing back-to-back with Diego, you two tried to locate your attacker. And then, out of the corner of your eye, you spotted it hurdling towards you two out of the sandy ground.

A long, black tendril with an inky hand on the end emerged from the earth and slammed into Diego once again, its dark-matter “fingers” digging into his leg and leaving deep, gnarled gashes in the flesh of his shin. And then it retreated back underground.

Diego hissed in pain as he stumbled backwards into you, sending you careening into the ground.

And then, as you lay for a split second, an Idea hit you. It seemed like the hand had tried to grab him and pull him under with it, but barely missed, and instead just badly wounded his leg.

That was odd to you, but you didn’t dwell on the thought of it for long.

The next thing you know, Diego is pushing you to the side, narrowly avoiding another strike.

“God, Y/N, this is really NOT the time to zone out. If you don’t get your head out of your ass, this is going to get really ugly.” He said, exasperated at your lack of attention.

“Sorry, Dio, I was just thinking….. the stand user knows where we are. We’re not moving or making much noise, so there’s no way it’s tracking us through vibrations or sound. They have to be able to see us.”

He stood, eyes darting around the ground, trying to predict where it would come from next.

“…so they can’t be far. I have a feeling that the only place they could be is over there—“

You pointed to a pile of rocks that couldn’t have been more than 400 feet away. (A little bit over a football field, for reference.)

“— behind those rocks. So since they have to be using their sense of sight, if I start running, naturally they’ll focus on me, leaving you unsupervised. And then you can sneak off the other direction and make your way over there and kick the life out of them. Okay?”

He hesitated, still focused on the ground, thinking for a second or two. And then, his eyes met yours. He nodded. In a sudden burst of movement, you took off, running as fast as you possibly could. With your heightened senses, you could feel the vibration of the stand following behind you, shallow in the ground, lagging behind you ever-so-slightly.

But then, after about 30 seconds of you sprinting the complete opposite direction of Diego, it lunged up and out of the sand — grabbing one side of your waist, digging its midnight claws into your side, and pulled.

The next thing you know, you were being dragged under the surface. For a moment, you thought it was going to leave you buried there. But after a few seconds, you popped back up onto the sand. This time, you were behind the rock. It had ripped a large chunk out of your torso in its effort to bring you here. For once, you were grateful you were a vampire. If you were mortal, that injury would have meant death.

When you resurfaced, (not-so-)gravely wounded and dizzy from the sheer volume of blood you’d lost at this point, you were left laying on the ground, watching Diego smash the living shit out of the stand’s user. He was a small man, and looked rather weak. He didn’t seem to put up much of a fight.

After a minute or two of Diego beating the guy senseless, he stopped moving, and everything was quiet again except for the sound of the wind blowing across the landscape.

And then, he turned to you, finally realizing you were there.

Diego believed he’d never been truly afraid before. Not since he was a kid, anyway. But he felt his stomach twist into a sickened knot when he saw you lying on the ground. Paler than usual. Dazed. Bleeding. Missing a rather worrying chunk of your guts.

Immediately, all he could feel was rage. “What the hell happened?” He demanded, his voice sharp and biting, hiding something vulnerable and afraid underneath. “You weren’t supposed to let him catch you!”

“Jeez, Diego, can you be quiet for a second? Just give me a minute.”

He finally reached you after rushing over, dropping to his knees next to you. Completely dumbfounded.

“Give you a minute? You’re missing half of your damn midsection, Y/N. Don’t tell me to give you a fucking minute.”

You’d never seen him this worried before. It almost made you feel bad for the cocky bastard.

Almost.

“Relax. I’m fine. Don’t be such a drama queen.” You said, standing up. He stood up with you, catching you when you stumbled into him, dizzy from the blood loss.

Diego was shocked. And totally pissed off. He didn’t know what was going on or how he was supposed to feel, but it confused him, and that definitely didn’t help.

You held your hand over the gaping hole in your side, wincing. “Shit, there’s so much sand in it, this stings so bad, oh my god….” You mumbled, watching the wound slowly get smaller and smaller.

“So, you’ve had a healing stand this whole time, and hid it from me, huh?” Diego began, skeptical, assuming the worst.

“God, Diego, your trust issues are showing,” he scoffed, making a pissy face in reaction to your blunt jab at his emotional unavailability.

“It’s not like that at all. I guess I should have explained all of my abilities when I told you I’d been transformed, but this just comes with it. The healing thing, I mean.”

“Oh. Okay, then.” He said. He was a little bit embarrassed about thinking you’d hidden your stand from him, but he’d never admit that.

“You were pretty concerned about me though, huh, Diego?” You jived, giving him a playful smirk. “You were SO panicking. You just couldn’t POSSIBLY imagine finishing this race without me by your side, huh?”

He gave you a nasty side eye at your teasing, but you couldn’t help but notice the faint brush of red creeping up his neck and onto his cheeks.

“If you don’t cut that out right now, maybe I will just finish the race without you.”

“Oh sure. I’m sure you will. So sure, in fact, that I’ll just ride off on my horse right now, and drop out of the race.” You teased again.

“You wouldn’t. You’d miss me too much.” Diego said, leaning against one of the rocks and plopping himself down in the shade. With the adrenaline worn off, he was really starting to feel the wound in his leg. He winced in pain as he adjusted the way he was sitting, squeezing his eyes shut tight and bearing his teeth as his movements irritated the deep, ugly thing.

“Maybe I would,” you said, smiling. Noticing his discomfort, though, you started walking back towards your horses, who thankfully hadn’t wandered too far off. “I’ll be back with the horses in a minute. I have a first-aid kid in my satchel. Sit tight, okay?”

Diego finished adjusting himself, gasping through gritted teeth as he laid his injured leg flat, and grunted out a “thank you” as you disappeared around the corner. While he was waiting for you to return with your and his belongings, all he could think about was you.

He decided internally that, no, he probably couldn’t finish this race without you.

And when you returned, and he allowed you to sit close enough to touch him, put your hands on him, and clean and patch up his wounds, you knew he felt that way, too. Even if he was too proud to say it to your face.

————————————

[witchinatree]

magnus protocol episode 37 ramble

coming at you live from NEW YORK CITYYYYY (i'm not enjoying it)

anyway ok so i think the error case numbers are the ones with sam so i am hoping this one has sam so i can be right

I'M RIGHT 🙏🙏

who took care of celia when she went through the portal i wonder

like it had to have been someone right

anyway i love you georgie barker from tma i love you

sam is so harmless LMAO

i notice she's calling the archivist it instead of he now

AWWW GEORGIE IS THE SWEETEST IN THE WORLD 😭😭😭😭 KINDEST WOMAN IN EVERY UNIVERSE

wait if we see georgie's h MELAAKE I WAS RIGHT ON IT

I WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO SAY ARE WE GETTING MELANIE

"my better half" remembering "she is far too good for me and i only hope she doesn't realize while there's an apocolypse on" 🥀🥀🥀

already tearing up i missed melanie king so bad basira please be next

oh hey archivist

what in the world is happening this is not how it usually takes statements or trauma or whatever we're calling them now

BULLYING STATEMENT AGAIN i like these a lot not like i like bullying i just think they have a good message and we didn't get ones like these in tma

THE PARENTS SAYING THAT??? NOOO THEY DO NOT CARE

i'm worried this is gonna make me worse

eating disorders in the content warnings i might actually need to skip the statement 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

i hate men :( this poor girl oh my god oh my GOD 'it looks like me' honey

this one will NOT be deeply analyzed so sorry 🥀🥀

so rustyquill writers um. i needed to read the content warnings.

melanie hurry up

'i just want to be seen' hehjidrjhbhrh????2)$$heiuwhheVvv????)huisue ?????? was this taken from my 5th grade diary dawg

MELANIEEEEEE MELANIE MELANIE MELANJE KICKING MY FEET GIGGLING CRYING BAWLING SOBBING WEEPING I LOVE YOU I LOVEYOU I LOVE YOU I LVOE

cold or hot i'm cackling

i actually am crying out loud this whiplash isn't okay guys

melanie i missed you so bad i missed you i missed you

damn no cell service

MELANIEEEEE MENTIONING SMIRKE'S ok when are they gonna connect the celias being the same celia

samama finally asking the right questions

"how" don't talk to me melanie do not say his name i'll kill myself

MAGNUS INSTITUTE sam you did NOT know it bro please

shaking trembling fearful scared terrified weeping bawling crying

DON'T TALK ABOUT JONMARTIN PLEASE PLEASE

SHUT THE FUCK UP

lost some friends i'm beating you to death

OH WHAT OMG??? WHATTT THAT'S ACTUALLY INSANE POST CANON EXPLANATION

ok so the domains didn't stay but everything fell apart because of the disappearances this is so fucking sick this is genius i love

oooh interesting

i like the mass murdering of evil authority we need this now 🙏 (in minecraft)

a british guy with a posh accent leave me alone i'm on the floor they don't blame jon THEY DON'T BLAME JON PLEASE SOMEONE TELL HIM PLEASE I'M BREAKING DOWN PLEASE HE NEEDS TO KNOW IT WAS NEVER HIS FAULT

so the domains DID pollute some areas ok that's interestinggggggg this is so fucking cool guys

need someone to do this to our world minus the trauma

ewwww law LMAO

"listened to weird horror stories" sure man

oh melanie 😭😭 melanie 😭😭😭

awe georgie

IT'S NOT HIM SHUT UP LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE IT'S NOT IT CAN'T BE

sam is the target of this archivist please don't deny it you will only make it worse

BASIRA AND GERTRUDE 🙏🙏

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF HE ENCOUNTERED OTHER SAM??? WOULD THAT BE LIKE WORLD ENDING?????

oh LMAO okay

so sarcastic for what

ALICE DYER no better half she's dating gwen in my canon okay they're just good friends

what about celia gang

NOOOOO MELANIE SHE'S SO PISSED bye guys

oh that was a trauma response if i've ever heard one melanie i'm so sorry

[mizimuse]

Siblings Circus || Slytherin boys+Pansy edition

1. Draco Malfoy

Draco is literally the sibling who cries over spilled pumpkin juice.

You take the last of the cereal: "Are you trying to starve me?!"

Every tiny thing is a full-blown disaster. Got a higher grade than him? "You’re sabotaging me!"

He’s always snitching to your parents: "Father will hear about this... and so will mother, the house-elf, and probably the entire Wizarding World."

You can’t even argue with him because he ends every fight with, "It’s because I’m the older one!."

You: "Draco, it’s literally just socks."

Draco (clutching his pearls): "You wouldn’t understand!"

2. Theodore Nott

Theo never argues, but you’ll suddenly get in trouble for things you didn’t even know he noticed.

You: "How did mom find out I skipped Potions?"

Theo (smirking while reading a book): "Don’t know. Must be magic."

He’s also the king of saying nothing but judging everything.

You: "Do you ever clean up after yourself?"

Theo (with a shrug): "Do you?"

When you try to argue, he just gives you a single eyebrow raise and goes back to his book like you're not worth the oxygen.

3. Mattheo Riddle

Mattheo is the sibling who wakes you up at 3 a.m. with: "Let’s duel, right now."

He’s constantly getting you into trouble and laughing while you suffer.

You (dodging hexes): "Can you calm down?!"

Mattheo (grinning like a maniac): "Nah, this is fun!"

If something breaks, it’s 100% his fault, but somehow, you get blamed.

You: "Mum’s gonna kill us!"

Mattheo: "You mean, you. I’m innocent."

He lives for chaos and will start fights just to see how mad you’ll get. "Bet you can’t throw a better hex than me."

4. Blaise Zabini

Blaise acts like nothing in the world bothers him, but somehow you always end up doing his chores.

You: "Why am I cleaning your room?"

Blaise: "Because you love me. And also, I bribed you with chocolate frogs."

He never panics—even when everything is falling apart.

You (freaking out): "Mum is going to flip out when she sees this mess!"

Blaise (not even looking up): "Nah, that's a you problem.'"

He’s also impossible to prank.

You (trying to hex his shoes): "Why aren’t you reacting?!"

Blaise (yawning): "Because I saw this coming an hour ago."

5. Lorenzo Berkshire

Lorenzo is that sibling who can be half asleep, totally unprepared, but still smarter than you.

You: "Did you study for the test?"

Lorenzo (yawning): "What test?"

Yet somehow, he always aces it. It’s actually infuriating.

You (gritting your teeth): "How do you keep getting top marks?"

Lorenzo (shrugging): "Dunno. Gifted, I guess."

He also never gets up on time, and you end up dragging him everywhere while he’s still half asleep.

You (knocking on his door): "We’re late!"

Lorenzo (muffled): "We’ll be on time… eventually."

6. Pansy Parkinson

Pansy’s the sibling who’s always borrowing (aka stealing) your clothes and claiming they look better on her.

You: "Is that my sweater?"

Pansy: "Yes, but let’s be honest, I pull it off way better."

She’ll also sass her way out of every chore and somehow get away with it.

Mum: "Pansy, why aren’t you cleaning?"

Pansy (smiling): "Because I’m delicate and chores are bad for my complexion."

She’s the type to start drama, then sit back and watch it unfold while sipping tea.

[thedevilsoftruth]

Tomorrow: Shane's Journal

I had this idea for a long time, and that idea was to write 5 journal entries going through important time stamps of Shane's life. These entries are written through the lens of Shane himself, almost as if he actually wrote them. Nothing stated in here is 100% cannon. These are all simply headcanons I have of Shane and his life, and i hope you all enjoy it!

For clarity, I think Stardew takes place in 2016, given that's when it was released, and i also hc Shane to be 35, so he was born in 1981 in this fic. A little bit random, but that's just something to chew on.

Tw: This fic goes over very sensitive topics such as suicide, mentions of self-harm, shootings, depression, alcohol addiction, childhood trauma, and a lot of Atheism.

◇◇◇

September 8th, 1996

Hey god, if you're listening, why are you doing this to me? I've tried and tried and tried all I could, all day, every day. No matter what people threw at me, I still fucking took it because I didn't want to end up being a dead beat like my stupid fucking father. I'm sorry. I'm angry. What's the point of fucking living if everyday I'm in goddamn pain, and If all my nights are spent sleepless as I sob? I've prayed and prayed and prayed for things to get better, but nothing is getting better, and I want to die. The only thing good in my life right now is my gridball team. My parents don't fucking love me, I'm a failure to everyone I know. I'm starting to think this world would be better off without me.

God, please, help me. Guide me to a newfound happiness, please. I can't go on like this anymore. I want to have hope, I need to have hope. It's what Marnie tells me every day. But I can't if things continue to go to shit. Well, im going to lie down now. Tomorrow is a new day... right?

- Shane .H

September 10th, 1996

You're a liar, you're a fucking liar. Screwed up, fucked up, arrogant, selfish liar. I was blind to your lies, deceived by the promised hope of a good life, and yet you took my hope and smashed it against the wall. I hate you. I hate all of you. I want to cut myself and die as I bleed out.

Everyone is turning against me. Ethan wasn't there for me when I told him to stay outside my aunt's house last night. My mother tried to kill me last night, and my father wouldn't dare to bat an eye at me. I don't know what I fucking did to deserve this. Mom hurt Marnie. Everyone was screaming, I felt like my ears were going to bleed. I ran away. Mom tried to throw a knife at me, so I ran away. Ethan got me high before that and was supposed to stay outside of Marnies ranch for me incade anything happened, but he fled afterward.

They had told me they didn't want me at Marnies house anymore when they were gone. But I couldn't stop myself. They hadn't been home in a week, and I needed comfort. They are always fucking gone they are always never home or.... used to not always be home.

I stayed at Micheal's house last night. I went back to Marnie's this morning. My parents killed themselves an hour after I left. They did it in front of Marnie, and she couldn't do anything to stop them. They wouldn't listen to her. Marine is going to be my guardian. We're going to make frequent trips to Zuzu city for our therapy sessions.

I don't think I'll be going back to school. I hate myself. I hate my life. My parents died because of me. I wasn't a good son, I never was. Maybe if I had been better and didn't get high, sneak out, or get bad grades all the time, they would have loved me. But if there's anything I hate the most at the moment other than myself, it's you, God.

- Shane .H

November 27th, 2010

I thought I was getting better. I thought things were going to be okay. I haven't taken therapy since I was 20. I'm gonna need it after today because I'm having the biggest downward spiral since 1996. I started to believe again. I started to read the Bible and pray because things were getting better, but all of this shit coming back to me tells me that there is no God up in the sky. It's a joke. A stupid dumb lie that innocent people like myself get mind-fucked into believing is real. But it's not. It's a load of fucking shit.

God took away everything that I have ever loved in my entire life and hollowed out my soul until I was nothing, and left me with stupid fucking priorities that I can't fucking handle! I didn't want a child. Not now, not ever. This child isn't mine. How am I supposed to fucking provide for her, if I'm working 9 hours a godamn week at a fucking grocery store? Damn it. Damn it all to hell.

One second, I'm at a fair with my two best friends i haven't seen in years who are parents now, the other second they're killed in a shooting and I'm stuck with their fucking kid!

I don't want this, I don't fucking want this at all. Kill me, please, God. I can't even write this with how shaky my fucking hands are. I wish I never crossed paths with Micheal, even if it's been 12 years since I've seen him. I can't do this. I can't go on anymore. Tell me one reason why I shouldn't put a bullet in my head like my fucking parents did?! Fuck you, and fuck your stupid fucking cult, and fuck your beliefs, and fuck it all!!!

- Shane .H

December 23rd, 2016

I love you, Marnie. I love you, Jas. I love you, Michael and Alejandra. I love you, Mom and Dad. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm a failure. All I've ever done to you all was bring you pain. I'm a dead beat. I don't deserve your kindness or your patience. I'm a fat, alcohol addicted, low-life, dick face who's never made any achievement in life. I can't even get myself out of bed in the morning. I black out almost every night from drinking too much. I could never get a good job here in the fucking town.

My life has brought me nothing but pain. Nobody wants someone lin their life who can't even do something as simple as brushing their teeth.. I'm nothing but a mere parasite, eating away at people's lives.

I'm sorry, im sorry, I'm sorry, but today is the day.

You won't have to deal with me anymore, and I can finally be free from this never-ending hell.

Goodbye, world.

- Shane .H

December 23rd, 2018

2 years. I've been sober for 2 years now.

On this day, two years ago, I tried to end my life. I almost drank myself to death, but a farmer noticed me near the cliff and supported me. They brought me to a hospital, and I went back to Zuzu city to try therapy again. It's still embarrassing when I think about it. Those memories don't make me nearly as sad anymore, I just get... kind of embarrassed. It's like... wow, I was like that? What an asshole, hehe.

Well, my sobriety isn't the only thing I'm proud of.

Jas is eight years old now! I finally saved up enough to move out of Marnies and into the city. I got a new job, and I have a cousin here who is watching over Jas during the day after she comes home from school. She has a lot of friends now and is boy crazy... oh dear, I still don't like the thought of that. My hours aren't the best, but it makes me money and keeps a roof over our heads. I work on service tech. I didn't know I liked cars so much, haha! Everyone there is really cool and nice, and it's helped me with coming out of my shell a little bit.

On holidays, me and Jas go back to Stradew Valley to see Marnie. We have frequent calls with her, and I also make sure to pay the farmer a visit. Jas and I bake them cookies as a thanks for literally saving my life. Sometimes she eats them in the car...

Well, anyway, I start work in a little bit. Just wanted to let everything all out. Today is a new day, after all.

- Shane .H

[johngaliawife]

I’m a new follower but I would absolutely love a Kakyoin x fem(or GN whichever is more comfortable for you) reader smut? Content is up to your own interpretation💞💞 thank you so much

Yeah of course!🩷 IM SK SORRY THE LAST MONTH IF SCHOOL SND THE TEST WERE KILLING ME I STARTED TO NEGLECT THIS!

(I was like I had flash back of my 2020 camp camp bell faze so I kinda based it off of that😭)

Falling 11 grade it wasn’t so bad? But really it was you were gonna fail high school you slacked off this year because you just felt way way to tried to, but your parents did not let that said the rules was no good grades.? Get.a.job so that what you were forced to do, having not so much options and why would you what to work at McDonald’s with a 50 year old guy working there and a disgusting guy who looks like he has a piss cup at home so.. you did what any other girl did..you applied to a summer camp…

If it all planed out well..you’d get to stay a hole summer without parents nagging you a bunch off other teenagers at a camp makes some new friends and then get paid at the end you’d have money for new clothes for school so win win

-to lazy to write this but you get to the camp and go into the counsellor cabin-

Walking into it you look around just to see one other guy everyone else was late or super early..the guy had these dark lavender colours eyes and this red hair that looked like rose you spot his cherry earrings…he kinda smelt like a cherry to..it makes sense

“Hello.?” You say as you put you bag onto the 1 of the two beds as you try to make a conversation with the man

“Hi, are you new? Iv never seen you before?”

the man said as looks over at you he tilts his head at you it made your skin crawl he looked no older then maybe your age or and age higher somewhere in there “yeah I am”

You mutter as you make eye contact “I’m Kakyoin and your name while I’m at this?”

Kakyoin…you’ve never heard that..before “Y/N and yes it’s my first time here…where is everyone else?”

“Oh..no it’s just me and you were the one running the 3 cabins of campers..”

..that was lovely?

Some time later you and Kakyoin got really close in some ways more then others as it’s been a mouth you’ve think you taking a liking to the cherry loving boy

“Kakyoin.”

“Yeah.?”

“I have a feeling..”

“Cramps or a tummy ache? I have like Pepto-Bismo..?”

“No..”

“Then what”

“I wanna I don’t know I feel like I’m desiring something I think I’m horny..”

“I mean I think lots of people are..”

He mutters as he looks at you from his bed as you looked at him his voice was calm but he was flustered at that he didn’t know what to do or say anymore

“Can I be close to you”

“Sure..”

He said as you asked to be close to him getting up from your bed and walking over to his it wasn’t your first time cuddling but this time was different as you take the blanket off to get in and slid into his bed you cuddle close to his chest laying there

It was quiet..after that conversation until you feel Kakyoin put his hands up your shirt pulling it up a bit “is this okay? Y/N I want to make sure your needs are taken care of but I wouldn’t never want to do something you disapprove of”

Feeling his muscular but soft hands on your bare skin you couldn’t just say no you couldn’t you nod and just went with that before he didn’t go further he spoke up again

“I want you to say it..I just wanna make sure”

He whispers as he wanted to hear you say it so he knew you wanted it as you then gave him an answer “yes..I do” you mumble giving him that green card he wanted all this time

Pulling up your shirt and taking it off placing it to the side not throwing it to make sure if you wanted it after they were done it was near by for you it was his first time and yours and he needed to make sure it was good so he took it slow

Not only was he nervous he didn’t show it, since it was an important moment not some spelling cherry eating contest seeing you in a bra was just something else to him

Pink with black pock a dots, and some little black bows “that’s a great choice Y/N you look beautiful in it” he said admiring you

“Oh.? Thanks” you said you were a bit flustered by him thinking your bra was nice knowing it won’t be long until he took it off

“May I kiss you?”

“Yes you may..”

He was asking about everything he was hoping he was doing it right he hasn’t had a girlfriend or anything like it before his so he didn’t know much about girls but it made you happy he would treat you like that

Leaning in his lips touch your it was soft and kinda rough at the same time it took him awhile to get comfortable and use tongue but he did when he slipped his tongue into your mouth roaming around it until it met yours

You didn’t know how to say..but no matter how gentle he was his tongue wanted a Dominant matter with you whining her over with his act of dominance

He pulls back from you and lowers himself to your breast and unclipped her bra and taking it off putting it where her shirt was you let out a sigh when your breast were let out

Seeing your reaction he leans forward as he puts his mouth over your left nipple as he felt it harder in his mouth he went over and wrapped his tongue over it hearing you moan he knew he was doing something right

He went over to right breast and cups it playing with it squeezing it gently as he looks up at you seeing your flushed face from his own actions

What he did next he stops touching your breast and he sat up leaving you laying on the bed you see him starting to take off his sleeping shorts once done he was left in boxers

When he takes them off you finally noticed his large boner looking at his boxers for a second you could see at the top of his boner there was a wet spot which was pre-cum

It was his first time so he was quite nervous about un dressing him self sliding his boxers off his cock spring out which was (7’1 inches cut light shave) he looked nervous he was obviously asking for you to give him head

You look at his twitching cock in front of you seeing what he was implying you went on with it you grab his base and put his tip near your mouth putting your tongue on it licking his pre-cum off

You put about a inch into your mouth untill you did another when you hit 4 inch’s in, you hit your limit so you started to bob your head on his cock you look up at him

When you looked up at him you were met with him looking down at you in the eyes making eye contact with you as your continued to bob your head up and down he whispers to you in a quite voice

“Your doing so good”

He said until he puts his large hand on your head then lifts it up from his cock and gave your forehead a kiss looking into your eyes as he changed the position

You yet him with out a sec thought the way he made you feel loved in this was everything to you and him he wanted to make sure you were okay

Laying you down putting a pillow under your head he position him self to you as it took no longer the a few seconds to take your panties off and put them to the side he looks at you

His lavender eyes looks at you before he asked if he got the green flag

“May I?”

“Yes you can”

With that he slid into you only putting half of his member inside off you it hurt a lot as it was the first time you whimper when he started to his cock into your more but it didn’t take a while for that pain to heal pleasure

He started to thrust into you taking that half to a full length into you going faster with every single moan you had you felt super good

“H-..hng-im gonna cum”

You whimper as he nods a long with what you said as if he was agreeing to a statement

“Me to..wanna squeeze my hand when you do?”

He said with a super calm voice as he was thrusting into you, you swear he was something else it made you so flustered but it sounded good to do that so you nodded

He leans towards you and places his hand in yours as he went a bit faster you squeezed his hand a bit more then you remembered

“You have-..to mhm..pull out”

You moan not being able to even finish your sentence until you squeezed his hand more as your felt your climax at its peek you moan when you came

As well as him pulling out of you and cumming on your stomach as he let out a groan releasing his hand you start to calm down but your breathing was heavy

“You were so good in proud of you I’m gonna go get a towel to clean you up”

He said as she got up going to the counsellor bathroom and brings back some water and a tower as he sits on the side of the bed and hands you the water

“Thanks”

“Drink up you need it”

He said as he whips his kids off of your stomach then he puts one of his t-shirts on you which was big of course but it was warm

“My sweetheart..do you wanna have some alone time? I know some people like alone time after sex..or do you want me here I can hold you maybe a massage?”

“Just stay here”

You mumble as you hated to spend some time with him he gets back in the bed and cuddles up to you wrapping the blanket on you as he started to massage your shoulders as he whispers

“We have to do zip line with the kids tomorrow by the way”

He said with a smirk before you fell asleep

[hannah-h-pleb]

Hey hey hey. Did you miss me? Sorry I’ve been lacking in writing, empty brain plus school is not a good combination 😟

As much as I love Cartman with all my heart, it’s time I put out some Kenny content! He’s my second favourite and I’m convinced him and I are the same person, so I gotta show my boy some love 🧡🧡

General Kenny headcanons coming up! He’s aged up here, as all characters I write for usually are :))

Kenny McCormick: General Headcanons

Kenny doesn’t die as often anymore, but I still put him as a huge klutz. He’s constantly falling, tripping, and injuring himself somehow. His friends are always like “Dude you’re gonna kill yourself one of these days!”….meanwhile he’s died countless times and no one (except for Cartman and a few others) remembers

He’s developed a decent tolerance to pain due to how many times he’s died. He could accidentally lean on a hot stove and barley feel it. It really depends on the day though

He's kind of a goober. He loves to tease people and joke around. Also likes to joke around as a way to make light of dark situations. Once you've died as many times as this guy has, you reach a point where you stop taking life so seriously

He has blue eyes, but they’re a darker shade of blue, so sometimes they almost look purple depending on the lighting

This guy definitely loves to smoke weed, but that's the farthest he'll ever go as far as drugs are concerned. He refuses to go down the same path as his parents, plus he remembers his "cheesing" days and doesn't care to revisit real hard stuff. Just give him a joint and he's set

Actually one of the most chill people you'll ever meet. Everyone gets along with him. He isn't one for drama, but if he happens to be caught up in the middle of drama, he'll either silently observe or he tries his best to deescalate the situation to calm everyone down so everyone can get along

This is canon (and a topic for another time), but he's a huge perv. But not in a creepy way. He's constantly making sexual innuendos out of, literally everything. Always on the hunt for porn magazines, but he never does anything overly weird like sneaking into bathrooms or anything like that. He's a, "respectful perv" if you will

He's always looking to help out others wherever he can. One of the most selfless people in his inner circle. He's a sweetheart

The best big brother to Karen even as he gets older. Always looking out for her. Can imagine that when things get bad at home, he dips out of the house and takes Karen for drives to calm her down. Probably gets her a treat from the convenience store as well

Also knows lots about periods. When Karen is on "her time of the month", he keeps her stocked up with pads, tampon, treats, heating pads, the works

You would think he's this nonchalant delinquent, but dude's actually so smart. He does well in school, which comes as a shock to his friends because they never see him study. His grades are nearly as high as Kyle's, but his weakest subject is math

Favourite subject? Science. Absolute science nerd. Loves chemistry, physics, biology, all of it. He's so intrigued by it and constantly pushes himself to learn more

I put him as a huge car guy. His love of NASCAR when he was little turned him into a car lover and very knowledgeable about cars. You need your oil changed? He's got you. Having car trouble in general? He's on his way to help you out. Loves playing around with different modifications to his own car, accessories, you name it

Out of the main four, he has a closer friendship to Cartman. As he's gotten older, he's gained a better understanding of why Cartman is the way he is and therefore is able to understand his behaviour. The pair are simply chaos together. Kenny goes along with whatever Cartman does for shits and giggles, unless it’s something really messed up

He’s a huge flirt and a tease, loves pushing peoples’ buttons and finding out what makes them tick

All in all, Kenny is just a chill goofball. Everyone loves him, and he’s one of the best people to be friends with 🧡

More than likely making a part 2. Love this dude 🧡

[random-fandom-chaos]

Vent

TW: sucidal ideation, Uhh SA (? Does it count if it’s another Minor?) Uhh random shit just be warned, ima gonna get judged so so so so hard.

Most people say that “when you’re a teenager is when you being to mature” NO. I was fucking 4…FOUR and my older cousin (only 9 years older) TRIED TOUCHING ME. LIKE THANK GOD MY MOM WAS THERE AND SHE WENT IN THE ROOM. (He’s nice, he didn’t remember/Forgot about it I think. I’m on good terms with him. I just hate knowing that this was also kept a secret from me because of my mom) AND his younger brother (same age as me) after that when were ages 4-6 he touched me but worse like he called it “playing house”, I didn’t know I didn’t know it was anything bad and I don’t mind, I fucking encouraged it at this point, because I thought I was normal. I WAS FOUR FOR GODS SAKE. And my mom said to forget about it cuz he’s autistic…(I’m also on good terms with him he forgot I think or just doesn't talk about, he’s cool. And I remember his clearly. Because that’s when it was explained that it was wrong.)

BUT GODS SAKE. I KNOW REALIZE HOW DISGUSTING IT IS. I HATE IT I HATE LIFE.

…

what’s life’s meaning? I feel so horrible about myself, disgusted

it’s so fucking hard being the “gifted and perfect” kid. My parents say it’s cause they want me to do good in life, I don’t doubt it. But there’s something else, I feel like they’re using me my brother never got good grades always failed skipped school. And yet I’m “gifted” if they argue with him, I’m always taking my brothers side. Because he doesn’t deserve being treated wrongly, he tries his best.

I don’t want to live.

I feel so fucking selfish just venting.

I always have energy, I could be dancing, hearing my friend talk about their interests. Yet i wand to kill myself. I always do what my body tells me, not what I want to do. I don’t know how to feel really

I lost my first few friends at a new school because of simple misused wording, I needed a break from them, they were leaving me out. I said I didn’t want to be friends— then they ran up the stairs. They hate me. Even if they’re friends with my best friend, I don’t talk to them, they talk behind my back blaming me for this incident…yet…I can’t bring myself to blame them back. They’re wonderful people that deserve things, i opened up to them, because they are so cool. Yet I got betrayed. I don’t mind tho. My best friend could stay friend with them, as long as they still for me too, even that’s a stretch, But who am I to tell them not to be friends for my own selfishness. I’m not that bad of a person. Everyone has their own opinion. Everything alright! (Not it’s not.)

who cares? Who actually cares? So many people say they do. But I feel empty. I feel disconnected. I don’t have energy. But I try.

I don’t want people worrying. Because they have problems already. Why am I being selfish and asking for precious time they could be using just to spew out words? What’s wrong with me?

many people may think I’m Kai right now or something. No I’m fucking Chaos, Heh, all these words are so funny coming from an 11 year old right? so so funny.

and so so useless.

…

I always have energy, and I’m never serious. I hate that. I feel judged for that. But I can’t control it its my damn body! I hate it so much.

I hate life.

(END)

Omg, that felt good also to whoever read all of that thank you I will bombard you with happy things, this is really negative and I’m so sorry, but I had to get this off my chest, I know I’m going to get judged because of the first paragraph. But it’s something that happened to an unknown me, I’m sorry for all the negative I will be posting silly reblogs to take the depressing mood away.

love you all <3333/platonic)

-Chaos

[the-one-who-lambs]

how many cotl related dreams have you had by now?

Oh my god all my new followers are gonna have to get caught up to speed huh? So if I rotate something in my brain enough, the likelihood of me thinking about it as I'm falling asleep makes my chances of dreaming about it astronomically higher. Most notably, every other month or so I've had like.. a lucid dream where Shamura and I are just vibing in what seems to be their library. (This is why Pura drew me the Shamura profile picture actually.) Results have varied.

I'm just gonna copy and paste directly from my dream log document I have in the notes section of my phone.

-Shamura Lucid dreams. What have we done... Just chatting, talk about fears and shit, gave them a bubble tea (didn't go well), hug (not super comfy but it was nice anyway).. mostly just talk. They suck at jokes. They are literally so sweet and CONSTANTLY DEPRESSED BUT their presence is so comforting I don't know how else to describe it. Such a friend fr. Looked through their library.. I didn't understand anything but it looked cool but also felt like if I looked at anything wrong I'd set myself on fire by accident. Idk. most recently I talked to them about Gender Thoughts™ and just asked them how they knew they were nonbinary and they hit me with a "Well how did you know YOU were nonbinary ::)" motherfucker you are ten steps ahead of me right now. Forget the trans allegory of trying to "crack the egg." They put it in the microwave and tried to fucking explode it.

-Heket was my wife and we went swimming

-Shamura ran a Mexican restaurant, made good nachos

-Abstract dream, saw all five bishops. Just kind of observed stuff from the outside rather than interacting with them but nothing was super clear, other than them reuniting

-dream that lasted like 2 minutes, Shamura with a little Narinder. I think I was like watching an animated short tho, they weren't actually there. (Note: I still want this so bad)

-I was the Lamb and I went crusading and when I was done Leshy gave me a reward. I don't know why. I chose having a new scar (love that getting injured was my reward) and another choice was like .. the bishops had stronger weapons to fight me with?

-Kallamar (I'm pretty sure from @meatcatt's Redo AU. Great I'm dreaming about AUs of friends now.) was in his Gaming Hole™ and I went to say hi but I startled him and he like... Broke his mug or something and the noise woke me up at 4:45 in the morning.

-Choose ur starter pokémon (Bishop). They were all little and lying down on a table. I wasn't able to pick just one so I made some fried rice instead?? Also I was moving into a house with Ryan (note: my younger brother. I'm the first of 4 kids, he's the second of us)

-I was immediately transported back to 6th grade with all the knowledge I have now and started making predictions about the future that were all correct because I had lived it. One of the things I predicted was some sort of apocalypse that involved a red fungus taking over the world. All of the Bishops were responsible for this, and I distinctly remember Kallamar in a spaceship.

-Leshy disintegrated in front of me???? I think I killed him with my mind I'm SO SORRY LESHY

-Saw Shamura on 3 separate occasions on one night. One they were helping me win a competition to win a house but the house was boobytrapped and haunted and I had to get through the boobytraps to win it wait how were they helping me exactly?, second we were farming together I think in that exact house and we had like so many vegetables I couldn't fucking move and third we were selling ice cream together.

-I saw Narinder!!! Finally!! I was in some. Sermon thing. And he was giving a speech about peace for his followers. Idk (oh wait I didn't remember I had dreamt about him before)

-Had a dream that I became Heket's vessel. At the end of the dream, she turned against me and tried to reclaim her crown. I didn't see that one coming, somehow. Also, the fight took place in my parents's bathroom.

[summerpogue]

ok so I have about half the final episode left and I had to stop bc my AirPods died and also it was 5am and after an emotionally taxing day (election related) a bitch needed some rest

however…………. holy fuck ????????????? (obx4 pt 2 spoilers below - seriously, like…. the whole season spoiled below, do not read if you haven’t watched)

jj crashing out and inciting a pogue uprising was beautiful. I know some people will say what they will about jj always being reckless but enough was enough. the pogues collectively bit back and I loved to see it. (also, I cried a little bc it was cathartic as shit to watch given recent events, we love to see the lower class, constantly getting fucked over and over and over again by kook ass bullshit finally saying fuck you, I’ll give you something to whine about).

and I will say, it was tough to watch jj withdraw and drink about his feelings but all his feelings were valid. lashing out at john b and saying what he did wasn’t cool, however both of his father figures are grade-a pieces of shit and he literally had almost just gotten murdered by one of them so he gets a pass. like nick miller’s ‘dead dad pass’, jj gets a ‘two deadbeat, abusive, backstabbing, money-hungry dads’ pass as far as I’m concerned.

I knew sarah’s pregnancy arc was coming, they weren’t subtle at all in part one and as soon as she started acting weird I was like ‘wow okay we’re really doing this????’ I don’t think it’s necessary. she is nineteen years old, their lives are never ending chaos, whether or not it’s been properly explored her and john b are deeply traumatized and have parental shit they need to work out, she is nineteen years old. several times I said ‘and we’re not gonna have a conversation about options??? we’re just full sending it??????’ not saying that she has to do anything particular, but with how firm she was not even that many episodes ago when john b brought up kids this feels like a disservice to her character (and in light of recent events, I feel extra angry about a storyline boxing a woman into becoming a mother when they’ve clearly expressed they’re not ready, and when they haven’t even started to achieve the things they want out of life).

chandler groff can get fucked. (I left off on jj considering letting him out of the well and I know he’s gonna do it but I really wish he’d let him rot). I think he’s worse than ward ever was, because for as greedy, self-serving and maniacal as ward was, he would never have stolen the map and looking device and thrown her injured into the ocean to die. I really really don’t think he would. he loved his kids even if he did it wrong, chandler doesn’t love anyone but himself.

jj deserves so much better, he deserves so much more. he got not one but two fathers who would hang him out to dry to make a quick buck. that shit luke pulled at the town hall had me about to reach jj levels of crash out. I hope this second will that was mentioned says that jj gets goat island. let them turn goat island into poguelandia, or let jj sell it and tap into the wealth that is his birthright (even tho he’ll do something dumb with it). I also hope he’s able to learn more about his mother, I think it would help anchor him to truly know who she was, and to know that he came from someone good because right now he thinks he only comes from bad and that breaks my heart.

I’ve liked seeing rafe soft and trying (why did I feel bad for him when they tied him up lmao I really felt like he was being genuine about coexisting until they got to morocco) and I yelled at him when he dumped sofia like girl???? you killed the sheriff??? you tried to kill your sister??? she took a little money from someone who was paying you, they are not the same and your karmic debt is so massive you shouldn’t even have a girl like sofia so like, shut up and be grateful. let it go.

I’m scared for pope, he’s in seeeeerious shit. it was a badass move but also so, so reckless and I hope they bring groff back and shoupe does something to make it go away. shoupe pulled through on the beach and he needs to keep pulling through

those are all my thoughts — if you reply or chime in pleeeeeeeeeeeeease remember, I am not finished, do not talk to me about anything beyond jj seeing groff in the well, I don’t even know if he’s out of the well or not

[my-castles-crumbling]

Swiftie Anon

Hi guys! I got an ask from an anon that might be triggering so I'm copy-pasting it here so I can put a 'read more' button. I'm naming them Swiftie Anon because they said Taylor really helped them.

TW: SH, SI

Hi Cas, hope you’re ok, because I sure as hell am not. Trigger warning, like mentions of self harm and stuff like that I think.

I’m a seventh grader and recently I’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot more than I usually do. During the pandemic I was in 3rd grade and I kinda realized how much life sucked, but when I went back to school in 5th grade, I realized that this hadn’t occurred to anyone else. I kind of brushed it off bc I’ve always been sort of a pessimist but then I sixth grade I started having suicidal thoughts, I think. I just felt really done with everything, I didn’t want to draw or read or write, and my parents were pissed all the time, it felt like my friends were bored of me (I have abandonment issues from all my friends in elementary school leaving me) (I think)and I thought it would just be easier to not exist anymore, it wasn’t that good. I discovered Taylor, the angel that she is, she just felt…like a friend, like she was right there, you know, and I’ve been mostly okay-ish since. But school fucking sucks and in 7th grade I had to do a presentation in front of my class and I started crying and hyperventilating, I couldn’t even stand up. I think I have anxiety idk. I’ve always been shy, and I’ve hyperventilated before when my parents were yelling at me about stuff and my arms started bleeding because I was digging my nails into them. My parents found out at conferences and I got grounded. my brother knows bc he walked in on me crying and hyperventilating once but he’s leaving for college next year and idk how the fuck I’ll stay together without him. My younger sister and I are really close, but I don’t want to drag her in onto this stuff. And ik once I get to high school it’ll be even worse bc high school sounds horrible and I might be all alone again bc I might not go to the same high school as my friends

I haven’t said a word about this to anyone voluntarily and I know I can’t tell my parents. I always lie on those surveys you get at the doctor, and my parents are always saying I should have a more positive outlook on life and try to be happier and it makes me so pissed bc I am trying as hard as I can to be happening but nothing fucking works.

idk what do with myself anymore, a teacher mentioned college today and I almost broke down sobbing bc I don’t think I’ll let myself live that long. It’s just…really hard and everyday feels like years. Should I tell someone? I’m not as bad as I was in 6th grade, but I know I should be getting help somehow. But I suck at asking for things and I can’t trust any adults.

sorry for the rant, I just need some advice. And a virtual, pat on the head or something, idk.

---

Hi hon!

First, (with your permission), I'm like to give you a virtual hug, because it sounds like you're dealing with a lot <3

I'm gonna be really real with you right now: You need to ask for some help. You have a lot going on, and some really heavy feelings, and you don't deserve to be dealing with them at ALL, let alone by yourself.

You're young, and you have SO MUCH life left to enjoy, and suffering through it like this isn't fair. So I'm going to share something about myself with you, okay?

When I was younger, I was very depressed. I was in a bad relationship and I felt very trapped, and I got to a point similar to you.

One day, I got so overwhelmed that I sort of realized that I either needed to ask for help or I would end up making a really bad decision. So, I asked for help.

Again, I'm going to be real: It was SUPER scary. I had to see a lot of doctors and I cried a lot. But after a lot of work, I was able to get better, and now, years later, I am in a (different) healthy relationship, and I have a job and a pet, and I'm here talking to you.

I know this sounds stupid because it's like some feel-good story and right now I'm sure you feel less than great. But I say this because you NEED to ask for help, even if it is difficult. Because there are real things past this feeling. A future job, a future relationship (if you want), a future pet, future kids (if you want). They're all very real and achievable and this feeling is temporary, even thought it feels so permanent right now.

So I'm going to give you some options, since it seems like you don't want to talk to your parents:

Talk to a doctor. Doctors are trained to help you, and they have a lot of resources.

Talk to a trusted teacher. Teachers can sometimes be amazing resources as well, and a lot of them want to listen when you ask to talk.

Talk to a different adult (aunt, uncle, coach, someone!) that you feel close to that will help.

Call/text/message a hotline. Here is an example of a hotline you can talk to via messaging, text, or phone, depending on what you prefer.

But you need to ask for help, because you DESERVE to be happy and living your best life.

It would make me super happy if you message/inboxed me an update, whether you're doing better, worse, or the same! I'm so proud of you for reaching out and I'm cheering you on!

[babstheyaga]

TW: bullying, manipulation, a little bit of slut shaming ig??, power play, power imbalance, age gap (with Optimus, but of course everyone in this story is over 18)

OKOK SO . Picture this . Bee is the jock right? While the reader is, of course, timid and sweet, a little bit of antisocial... Doesn't help the fact that she recently changed school, so she doesn't know anyone, poor soul :((

That's what made her become an easy target for Bee... He found her cute, don't get me wrong, but he doesn't know how to express his feelings in a healthy way, so of course he had to start tormenting her!! And him, being as popular as he is for being an athlete, caused other students to pick on her too from time to time.

Poor girl was desperate because no one was helping her, and everyday became a nightmare for her...

That was until Mirage (the goth everyone fears) took pity in her (and maybe he also felt something for her??) So he started acting like her knight in a shiny armour, defending her from the bullies and Bee <3

Reader found comfort in Mirage. Yes, at times, he was a bit scary, but he looked after her and protected her!! So he was a good person after all, right? (He wasn't...)

This caused the two men to become enemies... Bee knew how fucked up Mirage actually was, so he tried to warn the reader about him in *his own typical ways*...

Mirage discovered this, and he started a physical fight with Bee. So certainly, the principal (Optimus) had to intervene and called the two men and the reader in his office... Why also the reader? Of course, because they were fighting for her!! So that definitely meant that the reader had some... promiscuous... attitudes. And not definitely, because also the principal set his eyes on that poor, sweet girl. Maybe if he played his cards right, he could get her...

Now, the poor reader found herself in a compromised position... Who could she thrust?

(For extra spice, the reader can be really dense and doesn't understand that those 3 men are making advances on her <3)

(Sorry if it's too long but I got carried away by my thoughts OWBOAB)

- 🍰

THIS.

THIS

THIS!!!

Ohhhh my god... I'm like- Omgosh I'm totally obsessed with this oh my god... Holy shit I can't even express how much I absolutely ADORE this to the moon and back holy fucking shit.

Holy shit and like, what if Optimus sees any form of bullying whatsoever revolving reader, so he calls her to his office to just- CONTINUE the bullying basically, and like- Holy shit but like- Wait wait wait hear me out I'm gonna break down wait hold on-

What if Optimus ends up altering her grades somehow, and he calls her in for that to tell her that she use to be, "Such a good student. Is the bullying getting to your head, little lady? Perhaps I should arrange for you to switch schools again." And reader TOTALLY freaks out, her parents would kill her if they found out she was getting harassed at school again. It's bad enough she was already considered the class dipshit in two other schools, but now in this supposed private, high-class, expensive school? They're gonna fucking beat her ass!

No no no, this can't possibly happen. Not now. Not ever! She has to make it right somehow.

She tells Optimus, "I'm doing everything I possibly can! No, sir, the bullying isn't getting to me, I-I mean it is! But- not that much! I can fix this, right? I'll do better, I promise! I-I can't switch schools, not again. My parents would kill me. Whatever it is I have to do, I'll do it! I-I just can't go through that-"

He puts up a hand to stop her from going on one of her many, many, pointless, absolutely useless rants to save her ass again. "If you are that desperate to keep your presence in this school, then you need to do better. From now on, you will see me after class to discuss and go over your work." This wasn't a request, this was a commandment from him. He wasn't asking at this point. Jesus, how far did she really dig her hole this time?

So she starts seeing him after class. The usual, the normal everyday tutor at first. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just how you would expect an average teacher to act. But... Things are getting weirder... He starts telling her to sit closer to him each day, he starts leaning over to her side more, the occasional hand on the knee goes up more and more by the day... This all has to be normal, right? She's as virgin as they get, she doesn't know any better. Oh, that poor, poor innocent girl. She just doesn't know what's bad and good for her, now does she?

Maybe if she allows him to get closer, allows him to touch her in such a way, her grade will surely go up and the bullying will stop from him, right? Oh, how wrong she could be didn't seem to phase her...

She knows now that even with the all-seeing eye that is Optimus, the principal of all people, has the power to over take her grades, she feels helpless. Perhaps talking to Mirage again wouldn't hurt, right? She feels comfortable with him. He makes her happy.

Mirage would notice she's struggling to focus after class. Maybe they're hanging out at a gas station in his Porche, something that totally baffles her as to how he managed to get at the ripe age of only just being able to smoke. He would inquire her about Optimus, and why she's been seeing him so often.

She would go on a nervous, shy rant about how his hands on her, how it makes her uncomfortable...

"He touches you... Like this?" He would ask, his hand getting creepily close to her upper inner thigh. She would stare down at it like her life depended on it, confused why this was now happening with her one and only friend.

Okay... If Optimus and Mirage are a no-go for safety... Jesus, does she have to result to BumbleBee now?!

She doesn't know if it's right to flat-out tell BumbleBee about these things, it happened with Mirage, what would make him different? Especially because he's such a dick to her.

She remembers BumbleBee getting physical with Mirage over her, she didn't know how to feel about it. Maybe he's not as bad of a guy as she thinks he is?

How many times can a woman be wrong in only two months?

When she first confesses to BumbleBee why she finally came to him after so long of avoiding him, he is enraged. He doesn't know what to do with his anger. It's not like he can beat the shit out of the principal, let alone get a good enough lawyer to pumble Mirage.

His first response is anger, of course, but what if it's not totally directed at the males? What if he feels she is somewhat responsible for it as well?

Just stick up for yourself i-d-i-o-t! He would say. She would be panicked, he was pacing back and force in the men's empty locker room that he invited her into. Come on, he's the prized jock of the school, getting in trouble for bringing a girl somewhere private is the least of his worries.

He doesn't understand why she doesn't just tell them no. He's always so good at fighting back to anything and everything... So... Why doesn't he teach her how to fight back?

This is the best idea ever! He could just come onto her and she would learn through that!

Oh but... What if it goes too far? His precious little, idiot, stupid, dumbass virgin girl he's infatuated with can't possibly fight him back. He's simply too strong! But that's what she needs, isn't it? That's how she needs to learn her way to be strong like him... Right?

Oh God, time to add another tally to the list of things she can be wrong about.

[jupiter-on-the-compupiter]

Sigh. Heavy vent incoming, ig, has to do with school

NPD, OCD and unmedicated ADHD will forever destroy me academically

I can stomach uni, I can stomach exams and homework; what I can't stomach is the fact that I'm not doing what I wanted to do because the gpa they asked for was insane and I was severely struggling with, again, unmedicated ADHD; and now I get to hear people tell me what they're studying and I know each and every time if they scored higher than me and it makes me lose my mind

I spent my whole damn life planning how to get in here and working against my disability and I feel like absolute ass, there's very few things that trigger me, in fact, I can stomach almost anything, but any talk about grades will make me sick to my stomach immediately and feel like shit for hours and I just qwq

I also know that studying what I've always said I'd study would make me absolutely miserable and still I crave it like a huge dumbass, because I told everyone that's what I wanted to study, and even when most of the people I know aren't doing the things they originally wanted to study, I still feel like I'm letting a lot of people down and just.

I don't know what to do, my friend sent me a pic of the people in physics right now and I literally recoiled and almost cried because I couldn't do it, I couldn't do it, there were so few spots and it was so hard and I'm in a degree with so many spots and just. I don't know how to handle it, I feel like I'm losing myself qwq

Like fuck, this is not just a "former gifted kid" story, I did everything, dad signed me up for every class, every program, he lied about my age to get me in stuff I wasn't allowed in because of age, I went to university programs, to extracurricular maths and physics classes, he kept telling me about how people studying stuff like me were gonna be the future and whatnot and even when I know that's bullshit, my brain is still latched onto the idea that I'm doing something very bad for the world for settling for "less", like suddenly me not studying physics and maths is gonna develop into some butterfly effect where I don't discover something grand or do something amazing that'll lead to big change, and I don't know what to do, the paranoia is killing me, and there's so many expectations qwq

I went in to my first day of class feeling absolutely disheveled and feeling like nothing was real; this whole thing has been a massive ego death and I don't know what to do qwq, and it's literally nothing, I'm 18, the world keeps spinning and it's just studies, but I want to do so much stuff that I can't reach qwq

Languages are hard and I have little time for them, I had to stop playing piano because I had no way of practicing bc of circumstances, and I can't even get in the thing I was set to study since third grade and I feel like a plagiarized version of myself, like I'm my own shadow, and just. I'm praying and hoping for ADHD medication because my parents really wanted me to "try to push through" by myself and whatnot but I feel like I'm rotting inside and withering, and I can't even really tell this to other people because Everyone Feels Bad For Their Grades Sometimes and You're Still Smart, Stop Complaining, and because Everyone Was A Gifted Kid In Primary School, Idiot qwq

[sleepy-vix]

Im literally in the same situation as you (uni and all) and I get it. It is so terrifying especially because it seems like everyone is so far ahead of you. But I learned that I should just follow my own pace and try to ignore everyone else (as hard as that is) because a lot of people like to pretend they have it all together just to make others feel bad. So yeah. Good luck with everything!

awh tysm!! its really good to know that other people feel the same panic that i do. i want to make the right decision so bad but i still feel too young to be making such monumental decisions.

im just gonna... go ahead and dump all my anxieties. sometimes its good to just type it out and release it into the sea.

i want to pursue stem but its such an isolating and cold environment that im afraid of killing my brain and heart in the process. i dont even really like stem, but im good at it, and it pays well. i want to get a good job because i hate financially burdening my parents. i want to pay off everything for them so they can rest.

but also i want to protect the warmth i have for literature and the arts. a part of me longs to be a writer, a publisher, a journalist. i want to pursue literature. i want to be a content creator. but lets be so fr rn, i cant afford that path. its too risky, and if i dont make a lot of money, then... thats wasted potential on my part and alot of wasted money on my parents part.

these sides of me war with eachother, and it makes me want to retreat into my a state of paralysis, which is stupid because i should be out there making a plan and sorting out my shit but its just so frustrating because im too dumb and young to even know where to start.

i want to ask my teachers for help, but they look at my grades and assume that i've got everything sorted. people think that because ive got good grades, i must be way on top of everything, when that isnt true at all. i had to claw and cry and hope my way to those grades, but i cant tell anyone at all because they wouldnt believe me.

my own father and mother offer no advice for my anxieties. they think im the capable child of all my siblings, the smart one. im nothing to worry about. its so lonely.

i hate not knowing what i want to do. i wish i could be the self assured person that everyone views me to be. i wish it were as easy as picking something and sticking with it, but im so fucking indecisive because i worry about picking the wrong thing.

but whatever. i'll sort it out

thank you for reading this far. i dont know why you would do that. please dont worry about me. i'll be okay. im really lucky. im really grateful. i'll be okay. i'll be okay.