#and i know my parents are gonna kill me if i get bad grades because i ‘don’t study enough’

[alaskan-wallflower]

i love how i’m barely a month and a half into school and i’m already burnt out

(self harm tw in the tags)

[underestimated-heroine]

The fact that radfems spread this post around is actually really interesting--infuriating, but interesting. Because what they've really done here is tell on themselves.

This is the shrimp guy story:

From an anonymous green text called "shrimp saved my life" [emphasis mine]:

>be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel >one day I go to my /aq/fag uncle's house for some shit >he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before >he offers to get me some 53 KB JPG >throw them in a barely cycled tank with some shitty rock >several shrimp die >realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life >do research, learn about water parameters and so on >eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths >notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade >the eggs disappear and I once again think I fucked up >a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp >l suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ >by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos >l spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products >quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending >start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp >grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out >relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying myself >l see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp >for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake >it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs >cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me >college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp >shit they're gonna think I'm autistic >they actually think my shrimp are really cool >they start inviting me to their social events >start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that I'm fun and smart >l think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew >We're gonna make it bros. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the animals that depend on you.

He did address his relationship with women. By finding a hobby and passion and working on himself--"touching grass"--he stepped away from the echo chamber that filled him with all this rage and convinced him women were to blame for all of his problems. As someone once wisely observed, "the cure is going offline and realizing it's just. really not that big a deal."

And that is what radfems have not done, so of course they didn't spot the quiet flashpoint of shrimp guy's personal development within his story.

Edit: it's been brought to my attention that the version of the greentext post I lifted the text from was censored by someone else. My bad for not realizing that, tbh it was done so well I thought shrimp guy had done it himself, but that's an important part of the post. I've gone back through and un-censored it. The reply which was spread around with the original post addressed the words themselves well, I think; however distasteful and fucked up the incel rabbit hole is, it doesn't diminish his growth.

[lakesbian]

you know what. im going to follow my heart so we can move on with the wormread and just copy-paste what i said about danny in chapter 6.9 on discord with some minimal editing because it's not pretty but the general thesis is there and i don't feel like making it into proper paragraph form

okay so the thing thats fucking killing me abotu 6.9 is that danny is literally like. he tries to call taylor a nickname only her mom called her once he realizes he's fucked up bad and is trying to recover whichi s insane [because it's obviously going to be upsetting to her by reminding her of her mom being gone, and it also indicates that his fall-back for something going wrong w/ taylor is to try to appeal to her by poorly copying someone else's parenting style] and he also randomly tells her about how her mom wanted to move her a grade ahead but he wanted her to stay in school with emma to make her happy. and he's been Stewing On That despite knowing it's objectively not his fault (and i am reminded of how in his interlude he spends time Stewing about how he wishes annette were there to give advice) and he also cops up to the fact that that the whole thing about "being her parent and not her ally" (<- demented thing to say for obvious reasons) wherein he locks her in a room and demands emotional vulnerability from her even as she's becoming visibly upset & compares his actions to emma's was her grandmother's idea and then. here's the real kicker. once lisa shows up and prepares to take taylor away there are any number of actions a parent confident that they're doing the right thing for their child would normally do in response--not, like, Good actions, but things that a parent would be likely to pull. threatening to call the cops bc blah blah you're my daughter, wanting to speak to lisa's parents, any form of power move pulled over these two teenage girls but instead he speaks to lisa like she's an equal authority over taylor and seriously asks if she's "okay with this" (i should remind you of the concussion chapter where lisa is doing some insane power move shit over taylors dad covertly establishing herself as more competent at caring 4 her than him lmao) which is just like. it's so glaringly wildly obvious how this guy has Zero confidence in himself as a parent so he generally does nothing and then while he's doing nothing he oscillates btwn rationalizing it to himself as allowing her privacy/dignity, getting angry at himself/calling himself a coward, or getting mad at TAYLOR and blaming HER for not being the one to take initiation to be vulnerable with him and, like. he literally does make functional decisions prior to this for a bit! he's good and supportive at the meeting with the school board about the bullying!!! but it doesn't immediately solve literal years of distance between them that have led to taylor having to take decisionmaking for her wellbeing entirely into her own hands w/o being able to tell him about it [& having literally no route for human connection or support other than the undersiders] so he just completely crumbles on his own calls and seeks out/takes completely shit advice from taylor's grandma instead so i very much think what's insinuated here is like. especially given that he knows he has anger issues and never wants to Be Scary with them. he might have frequently leaned on annette for parenting decisions before she died and/or is really fucking haunted by the time(s) he didn't listen to her and it went wrong and now that she's gone he's just kinda floundering and trying to toss the baton for parental decisionmaking onto anyone else, including, at one point, the literal teenage girl who shows up to help taylor run away from his house. insane ! also. thinking about how taylor says her grandma (maternal) never liked her dad. that man would literally rather talk to the mother of his dead wife, who hates him, and take her advice than go 'yeah ithink im gonna keep using my own judgement for compassion towards my daughter' fucking worst anyones ever done it this guy has the spine of a twizzler it's great

...and then doing All That & severely triggering taylor's trauma from the bullying in the process completely shatters any trust he had built with her, catalyzing her realization that she wants to be able to have meaningful relationships with the undersiders & leading to her running away to leave with them! i don't think anyone can say for sure whether or not danny Not doing this would have led to taylor turning the undersiders in before realizing that she would regret it, but oh fucking boy does he make SURE she doesn't go thru with it. and it would be bad to call the cops on a bunch of systematically neglected traumatized teenagers regardless of how much crime they're doing so you know what maybe we should actually thank danny for his Shit Parenting stopping taylor from being a narc

[sweetdispatch]

hi 👋 matt rempe

🎀 1

🧸 5

thank you ☺️☺️

prompt list

You had a terrible time at university and felt like you’re failing everyone. Your parents were putting pressure on you to get the best grades since it was your last year. Your friends were tired of your excuses when they wanted to hang out and stopped caring about you. Your project group didn’t care and everything was on your head. On top of that, you started pushing away your boyfriend. 

You and Matt lived together but the last thing you wanted was to be his burden when he was struggling enough during the season. Every question he asked you about university, you simply ignored. You felt like it’s easier than showing your weakness. You acted like you’re handling everything perfectly but that was far from the reality. 

One day you broke down. When the professor said that he can’t accept the project without others' work, this was your last straw. You tried to explain it to your project partners but they didn’t care about it. You got back home and went to the bathroom. All you wanted was to wash your makeup, dressed up in Matt’s clothes and lay in bed staring at the ceiling. 

You saw your reflection in the mirror and started crying. You don’t know how long you’ve been there but it had to be long enough because Matt came back from training. He saw your bag on the floor and went to search for you. He saw the light in the bathroom.

“Are you there?” His voice brought you back to reality.

“Yeah, give me a minute”. You tried to stop crying but you couldn’t. 

“I can hear you crying, let me help”. His heart was breaking in pieces when he heard your voice full of tears. You unlocked the door and sat on the toilet. “Tell me what’s wrong”.

“Everything! This last year is killing me. My parents are pushing me, my friends act like I don’t exist and I don’t have any help from my project group which means I might fail”. You finally admitted what’s been on your heart for the past month. 

“Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?” Matt felt bad for not seeing the signs earlier. 

“You already have a lot on your plate and I didn’t want to be a burden. I thought that if I say something you’ll leave me”. You sobbed. 

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere. We’re a team, your problems are my problems too”. He pulled you into a hug. “Tell me, what I can do to make you feel better. I hate hearing you crying”.

“Movies and cuddles?” You asked.

“It’s gonna be my pleasure”. Matt kissed the top of your head.

[thedevilsoftruth]

Tomorrow: Shane's Journal

I had this idea for a long time, and that idea was to write 5 journal entries going through important time stamps of Shane's life. These entries are written through the lens of Shane himself, almost as if he actually wrote them. Nothing stated in here is 100% cannon. These are all simply headcanons I have of Shane and his life, and i hope you all enjoy it!

For clarity, I think Stardew takes place in 2016, given that's when it was released, and i also hc Shane to be 35, so he was born in 1981 in this fic. A little bit random, but that's just something to chew on.

Tw: This fic goes over very sensitive topics such as suicide, mentions of self-harm, shootings, depression, alcohol addiction, childhood trauma, and a lot of Atheism.

◇◇◇

September 8th, 1996

Hey god, if you're listening, why are you doing this to me? I've tried and tried and tried all I could, all day, every day. No matter what people threw at me, I still fucking took it because I didn't want to end up being a dead beat like my stupid fucking father. I'm sorry. I'm angry. What's the point of fucking living if everyday I'm in goddamn pain, and If all my nights are spent sleepless as I sob? I've prayed and prayed and prayed for things to get better, but nothing is getting better, and I want to die. The only thing good in my life right now is my gridball team. My parents don't fucking love me, I'm a failure to everyone I know. I'm starting to think this world would be better off without me.

God, please, help me. Guide me to a newfound happiness, please. I can't go on like this anymore. I want to have hope, I need to have hope. It's what Marnie tells me every day. But I can't if things continue to go to shit. Well, im going to lie down now. Tomorrow is a new day... right?

- Shane .H

September 10th, 1996

You're a liar, you're a fucking liar. Screwed up, fucked up, arrogant, selfish liar. I was blind to your lies, deceived by the promised hope of a good life, and yet you took my hope and smashed it against the wall. I hate you. I hate all of you. I want to cut myself and die as I bleed out.

Everyone is turning against me. Ethan wasn't there for me when I told him to stay outside my aunt's house last night. My mother tried to kill me last night, and my father wouldn't dare to bat an eye at me. I don't know what I fucking did to deserve this. Mom hurt Marnie. Everyone was screaming, I felt like my ears were going to bleed. I ran away. Mom tried to throw a knife at me, so I ran away. Ethan got me high before that and was supposed to stay outside of Marnies ranch for me incade anything happened, but he fled afterward.

They had told me they didn't want me at Marnies house anymore when they were gone. But I couldn't stop myself. They hadn't been home in a week, and I needed comfort. They are always fucking gone they are always never home or.... used to not always be home.

I stayed at Micheal's house last night. I went back to Marnie's this morning. My parents killed themselves an hour after I left. They did it in front of Marnie, and she couldn't do anything to stop them. They wouldn't listen to her. Marine is going to be my guardian. We're going to make frequent trips to Zuzu city for our therapy sessions.

I don't think I'll be going back to school. I hate myself. I hate my life. My parents died because of me. I wasn't a good son, I never was. Maybe if I had been better and didn't get high, sneak out, or get bad grades all the time, they would have loved me. But if there's anything I hate the most at the moment other than myself, it's you, God.

- Shane .H

November 27th, 2010

I thought I was getting better. I thought things were going to be okay. I haven't taken therapy since I was 20. I'm gonna need it after today because I'm having the biggest downward spiral since 1996. I started to believe again. I started to read the Bible and pray because things were getting better, but all of this shit coming back to me tells me that there is no God up in the sky. It's a joke. A stupid dumb lie that innocent people like myself get mind-fucked into believing is real. But it's not. It's a load of fucking shit.

God took away everything that I have ever loved in my entire life and hollowed out my soul until I was nothing, and left me with stupid fucking priorities that I can't fucking handle! I didn't want a child. Not now, not ever. This child isn't mine. How am I supposed to fucking provide for her, if I'm working 9 hours a godamn week at a fucking grocery store? Damn it. Damn it all to hell.

One second, I'm at a fair with my two best friends i haven't seen in years who are parents now, the other second they're killed in a shooting and I'm stuck with their fucking kid!

I don't want this, I don't fucking want this at all. Kill me, please, God. I can't even write this with how shaky my fucking hands are. I wish I never crossed paths with Micheal, even if it's been 12 years since I've seen him. I can't do this. I can't go on anymore. Tell me one reason why I shouldn't put a bullet in my head like my fucking parents did?! Fuck you, and fuck your stupid fucking cult, and fuck your beliefs, and fuck it all!!!

- Shane .H

December 23rd, 2016

I love you, Marnie. I love you, Jas. I love you, Michael and Alejandra. I love you, Mom and Dad. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm a failure. All I've ever done to you all was bring you pain. I'm a dead beat. I don't deserve your kindness or your patience. I'm a fat, alcohol addicted, low-life, dick face who's never made any achievement in life. I can't even get myself out of bed in the morning. I black out almost every night from drinking too much. I could never get a good job here in the fucking town.

My life has brought me nothing but pain. Nobody wants someone lin their life who can't even do something as simple as brushing their teeth.. I'm nothing but a mere parasite, eating away at people's lives.

I'm sorry, im sorry, I'm sorry, but today is the day.

You won't have to deal with me anymore, and I can finally be free from this never-ending hell.

Goodbye, world.

- Shane .H

December 23rd, 2018

2 years. I've been sober for 2 years now.

On this day, two years ago, I tried to end my life. I almost drank myself to death, but a farmer noticed me near the cliff and supported me. They brought me to a hospital, and I went back to Zuzu city to try therapy again. It's still embarrassing when I think about it. Those memories don't make me nearly as sad anymore, I just get... kind of embarrassed. It's like... wow, I was like that? What an asshole, hehe.

Well, my sobriety isn't the only thing I'm proud of.

Jas is eight years old now! I finally saved up enough to move out of Marnies and into the city. I got a new job, and I have a cousin here who is watching over Jas during the day after she comes home from school. She has a lot of friends now and is boy crazy... oh dear, I still don't like the thought of that. My hours aren't the best, but it makes me money and keeps a roof over our heads. I work on service tech. I didn't know I liked cars so much, haha! Everyone there is really cool and nice, and it's helped me with coming out of my shell a little bit.

On holidays, me and Jas go back to Stradew Valley to see Marnie. We have frequent calls with her, and I also make sure to pay the farmer a visit. Jas and I bake them cookies as a thanks for literally saving my life. Sometimes she eats them in the car...

Well, anyway, I start work in a little bit. Just wanted to let everything all out. Today is a new day, after all.

- Shane .H

[mizimuse]

Siblings Circus || Slytherin boys+Pansy edition

1. Draco Malfoy

Draco is literally the sibling who cries over spilled pumpkin juice.

You take the last of the cereal: "Are you trying to starve me?!"

Every tiny thing is a full-blown disaster. Got a higher grade than him? "You’re sabotaging me!"

He’s always snitching to your parents: "Father will hear about this... and so will mother, the house-elf, and probably the entire Wizarding World."

You can’t even argue with him because he ends every fight with, "It’s because I’m the older one!."

You: "Draco, it’s literally just socks."

Draco (clutching his pearls): "You wouldn’t understand!"

2. Theodore Nott

Theo never argues, but you’ll suddenly get in trouble for things you didn’t even know he noticed.

You: "How did mom find out I skipped Potions?"

Theo (smirking while reading a book): "Don’t know. Must be magic."

He’s also the king of saying nothing but judging everything.

You: "Do you ever clean up after yourself?"

Theo (with a shrug): "Do you?"

When you try to argue, he just gives you a single eyebrow raise and goes back to his book like you're not worth the oxygen.

3. Mattheo Riddle

Mattheo is the sibling who wakes you up at 3 a.m. with: "Let’s duel, right now."

He’s constantly getting you into trouble and laughing while you suffer.

You (dodging hexes): "Can you calm down?!"

Mattheo (grinning like a maniac): "Nah, this is fun!"

If something breaks, it’s 100% his fault, but somehow, you get blamed.

You: "Mum’s gonna kill us!"

Mattheo: "You mean, you. I’m innocent."

He lives for chaos and will start fights just to see how mad you’ll get. "Bet you can’t throw a better hex than me."

4. Blaise Zabini

Blaise acts like nothing in the world bothers him, but somehow you always end up doing his chores.

You: "Why am I cleaning your room?"

Blaise: "Because you love me. And also, I bribed you with chocolate frogs."

He never panics—even when everything is falling apart.

You (freaking out): "Mum is going to flip out when she sees this mess!"

Blaise (not even looking up): "Nah, that's a you problem.'"

He’s also impossible to prank.

You (trying to hex his shoes): "Why aren’t you reacting?!"

Blaise (yawning): "Because I saw this coming an hour ago."

5. Lorenzo Berkshire

Lorenzo is that sibling who can be half asleep, totally unprepared, but still smarter than you.

You: "Did you study for the test?"

Lorenzo (yawning): "What test?"

Yet somehow, he always aces it. It’s actually infuriating.

You (gritting your teeth): "How do you keep getting top marks?"

Lorenzo (shrugging): "Dunno. Gifted, I guess."

He also never gets up on time, and you end up dragging him everywhere while he’s still half asleep.

You (knocking on his door): "We’re late!"

Lorenzo (muffled): "We’ll be on time… eventually."

6. Pansy Parkinson

Pansy’s the sibling who’s always borrowing (aka stealing) your clothes and claiming they look better on her.

You: "Is that my sweater?"

Pansy: "Yes, but let’s be honest, I pull it off way better."

She’ll also sass her way out of every chore and somehow get away with it.

Mum: "Pansy, why aren’t you cleaning?"

Pansy (smiling): "Because I’m delicate and chores are bad for my complexion."

She’s the type to start drama, then sit back and watch it unfold while sipping tea.

[johngaliawife]

I’m a new follower but I would absolutely love a Kakyoin x fem(or GN whichever is more comfortable for you) reader smut? Content is up to your own interpretation💞💞 thank you so much

Yeah of course!🩷 IM SK SORRY THE LAST MONTH IF SCHOOL SND THE TEST WERE KILLING ME I STARTED TO NEGLECT THIS!

(I was like I had flash back of my 2020 camp camp bell faze so I kinda based it off of that😭)

Falling 11 grade it wasn’t so bad? But really it was you were gonna fail high school you slacked off this year because you just felt way way to tried to, but your parents did not let that said the rules was no good grades.? Get.a.job so that what you were forced to do, having not so much options and why would you what to work at McDonald’s with a 50 year old guy working there and a disgusting guy who looks like he has a piss cup at home so.. you did what any other girl did..you applied to a summer camp…

If it all planed out well..you’d get to stay a hole summer without parents nagging you a bunch off other teenagers at a camp makes some new friends and then get paid at the end you’d have money for new clothes for school so win win

-to lazy to write this but you get to the camp and go into the counsellor cabin-

Walking into it you look around just to see one other guy everyone else was late or super early..the guy had these dark lavender colours eyes and this red hair that looked like rose you spot his cherry earrings…he kinda smelt like a cherry to..it makes sense

“Hello.?” You say as you put you bag onto the 1 of the two beds as you try to make a conversation with the man

“Hi, are you new? Iv never seen you before?”

the man said as looks over at you he tilts his head at you it made your skin crawl he looked no older then maybe your age or and age higher somewhere in there “yeah I am”

You mutter as you make eye contact “I’m Kakyoin and your name while I’m at this?”

Kakyoin…you’ve never heard that..before “Y/N and yes it’s my first time here…where is everyone else?”

“Oh..no it’s just me and you were the one running the 3 cabins of campers..”

..that was lovely?

Some time later you and Kakyoin got really close in some ways more then others as it’s been a mouth you’ve think you taking a liking to the cherry loving boy

“Kakyoin.”

“Yeah.?”

“I have a feeling..”

“Cramps or a tummy ache? I have like Pepto-Bismo..?”

“No..”

“Then what”

“I wanna I don’t know I feel like I’m desiring something I think I’m horny..”

“I mean I think lots of people are..”

He mutters as he looks at you from his bed as you looked at him his voice was calm but he was flustered at that he didn’t know what to do or say anymore

“Can I be close to you”

“Sure..”

He said as you asked to be close to him getting up from your bed and walking over to his it wasn’t your first time cuddling but this time was different as you take the blanket off to get in and slid into his bed you cuddle close to his chest laying there

It was quiet..after that conversation until you feel Kakyoin put his hands up your shirt pulling it up a bit “is this okay? Y/N I want to make sure your needs are taken care of but I wouldn’t never want to do something you disapprove of”

Feeling his muscular but soft hands on your bare skin you couldn’t just say no you couldn’t you nod and just went with that before he didn’t go further he spoke up again

“I want you to say it..I just wanna make sure”

He whispers as he wanted to hear you say it so he knew you wanted it as you then gave him an answer “yes..I do” you mumble giving him that green card he wanted all this time

Pulling up your shirt and taking it off placing it to the side not throwing it to make sure if you wanted it after they were done it was near by for you it was his first time and yours and he needed to make sure it was good so he took it slow

Not only was he nervous he didn’t show it, since it was an important moment not some spelling cherry eating contest seeing you in a bra was just something else to him

Pink with black pock a dots, and some little black bows “that’s a great choice Y/N you look beautiful in it” he said admiring you

“Oh.? Thanks” you said you were a bit flustered by him thinking your bra was nice knowing it won’t be long until he took it off

“May I kiss you?”

“Yes you may..”

He was asking about everything he was hoping he was doing it right he hasn’t had a girlfriend or anything like it before his so he didn’t know much about girls but it made you happy he would treat you like that

Leaning in his lips touch your it was soft and kinda rough at the same time it took him awhile to get comfortable and use tongue but he did when he slipped his tongue into your mouth roaming around it until it met yours

You didn’t know how to say..but no matter how gentle he was his tongue wanted a Dominant matter with you whining her over with his act of dominance

He pulls back from you and lowers himself to your breast and unclipped her bra and taking it off putting it where her shirt was you let out a sigh when your breast were let out

Seeing your reaction he leans forward as he puts his mouth over your left nipple as he felt it harder in his mouth he went over and wrapped his tongue over it hearing you moan he knew he was doing something right

He went over to right breast and cups it playing with it squeezing it gently as he looks up at you seeing your flushed face from his own actions

What he did next he stops touching your breast and he sat up leaving you laying on the bed you see him starting to take off his sleeping shorts once done he was left in boxers

When he takes them off you finally noticed his large boner looking at his boxers for a second you could see at the top of his boner there was a wet spot which was pre-cum

It was his first time so he was quite nervous about un dressing him self sliding his boxers off his cock spring out which was (7’1 inches cut light shave) he looked nervous he was obviously asking for you to give him head

You look at his twitching cock in front of you seeing what he was implying you went on with it you grab his base and put his tip near your mouth putting your tongue on it licking his pre-cum off

You put about a inch into your mouth untill you did another when you hit 4 inch’s in, you hit your limit so you started to bob your head on his cock you look up at him

When you looked up at him you were met with him looking down at you in the eyes making eye contact with you as your continued to bob your head up and down he whispers to you in a quite voice

“Your doing so good”

He said until he puts his large hand on your head then lifts it up from his cock and gave your forehead a kiss looking into your eyes as he changed the position

You yet him with out a sec thought the way he made you feel loved in this was everything to you and him he wanted to make sure you were okay

Laying you down putting a pillow under your head he position him self to you as it took no longer the a few seconds to take your panties off and put them to the side he looks at you

His lavender eyes looks at you before he asked if he got the green flag

“May I?”

“Yes you can”

With that he slid into you only putting half of his member inside off you it hurt a lot as it was the first time you whimper when he started to his cock into your more but it didn’t take a while for that pain to heal pleasure

He started to thrust into you taking that half to a full length into you going faster with every single moan you had you felt super good

“H-..hng-im gonna cum”

You whimper as he nods a long with what you said as if he was agreeing to a statement

“Me to..wanna squeeze my hand when you do?”

He said with a super calm voice as he was thrusting into you, you swear he was something else it made you so flustered but it sounded good to do that so you nodded

He leans towards you and places his hand in yours as he went a bit faster you squeezed his hand a bit more then you remembered

“You have-..to mhm..pull out”

You moan not being able to even finish your sentence until you squeezed his hand more as your felt your climax at its peek you moan when you came

As well as him pulling out of you and cumming on your stomach as he let out a groan releasing his hand you start to calm down but your breathing was heavy

“You were so good in proud of you I’m gonna go get a towel to clean you up”

He said as she got up going to the counsellor bathroom and brings back some water and a tower as he sits on the side of the bed and hands you the water

“Thanks”

“Drink up you need it”

He said as he whips his kids off of your stomach then he puts one of his t-shirts on you which was big of course but it was warm

“My sweetheart..do you wanna have some alone time? I know some people like alone time after sex..or do you want me here I can hold you maybe a massage?”

“Just stay here”

You mumble as you hated to spend some time with him he gets back in the bed and cuddles up to you wrapping the blanket on you as he started to massage your shoulders as he whispers

“We have to do zip line with the kids tomorrow by the way”

He said with a smirk before you fell asleep

[hannah-h-pleb]

Hey hey hey. Did you miss me? Sorry I’ve been lacking in writing, empty brain plus school is not a good combination 😟

As much as I love Cartman with all my heart, it’s time I put out some Kenny content! He’s my second favourite and I’m convinced him and I are the same person, so I gotta show my boy some love 🧡🧡

General Kenny headcanons coming up! He’s aged up here, as all characters I write for usually are :))

Kenny McCormick: General Headcanons

Kenny doesn’t die as often anymore, but I still put him as a huge klutz. He’s constantly falling, tripping, and injuring himself somehow. His friends are always like “Dude you’re gonna kill yourself one of these days!”….meanwhile he’s died countless times and no one (except for Cartman and a few others) remembers

He’s developed a decent tolerance to pain due to how many times he’s died. He could accidentally lean on a hot stove and barley feel it. It really depends on the day though

He's kind of a goober. He loves to tease people and joke around. Also likes to joke around as a way to make light of dark situations. Once you've died as many times as this guy has, you reach a point where you stop taking life so seriously

He has blue eyes, but they’re a darker shade of blue, so sometimes they almost look purple depending on the lighting

This guy definitely loves to smoke weed, but that's the farthest he'll ever go as far as drugs are concerned. He refuses to go down the same path as his parents, plus he remembers his "cheesing" days and doesn't care to revisit real hard stuff. Just give him a joint and he's set

Actually one of the most chill people you'll ever meet. Everyone gets along with him. He isn't one for drama, but if he happens to be caught up in the middle of drama, he'll either silently observe or he tries his best to deescalate the situation to calm everyone down so everyone can get along

This is canon (and a topic for another time), but he's a huge perv. But not in a creepy way. He's constantly making sexual innuendos out of, literally everything. Always on the hunt for porn magazines, but he never does anything overly weird like sneaking into bathrooms or anything like that. He's a, "respectful perv" if you will

He's always looking to help out others wherever he can. One of the most selfless people in his inner circle. He's a sweetheart

The best big brother to Karen even as he gets older. Always looking out for her. Can imagine that when things get bad at home, he dips out of the house and takes Karen for drives to calm her down. Probably gets her a treat from the convenience store as well

Also knows lots about periods. When Karen is on "her time of the month", he keeps her stocked up with pads, tampon, treats, heating pads, the works

You would think he's this nonchalant delinquent, but dude's actually so smart. He does well in school, which comes as a shock to his friends because they never see him study. His grades are nearly as high as Kyle's, but his weakest subject is math

Favourite subject? Science. Absolute science nerd. Loves chemistry, physics, biology, all of it. He's so intrigued by it and constantly pushes himself to learn more

I put him as a huge car guy. His love of NASCAR when he was little turned him into a car lover and very knowledgeable about cars. You need your oil changed? He's got you. Having car trouble in general? He's on his way to help you out. Loves playing around with different modifications to his own car, accessories, you name it

Out of the main four, he has a closer friendship to Cartman. As he's gotten older, he's gained a better understanding of why Cartman is the way he is and therefore is able to understand his behaviour. The pair are simply chaos together. Kenny goes along with whatever Cartman does for shits and giggles, unless it’s something really messed up

He’s a huge flirt and a tease, loves pushing peoples’ buttons and finding out what makes them tick

All in all, Kenny is just a chill goofball. Everyone loves him, and he’s one of the best people to be friends with 🧡

More than likely making a part 2. Love this dude 🧡

[random-fandom-chaos]

Vent

TW: sucidal ideation, Uhh SA (? Does it count if it’s another Minor?) Uhh random shit just be warned, ima gonna get judged so so so so hard.

Most people say that “when you’re a teenager is when you being to mature” NO. I was fucking 4…FOUR and my older cousin (only 9 years older) TRIED TOUCHING ME. LIKE THANK GOD MY MOM WAS THERE AND SHE WENT IN THE ROOM. (He’s nice, he didn’t remember/Forgot about it I think. I’m on good terms with him. I just hate knowing that this was also kept a secret from me because of my mom) AND his younger brother (same age as me) after that when were ages 4-6 he touched me but worse like he called it “playing house”, I didn’t know I didn’t know it was anything bad and I don’t mind, I fucking encouraged it at this point, because I thought I was normal. I WAS FOUR FOR GODS SAKE. And my mom said to forget about it cuz he’s autistic…(I’m also on good terms with him he forgot I think or just doesn't talk about, he’s cool. And I remember his clearly. Because that’s when it was explained that it was wrong.)

BUT GODS SAKE. I KNOW REALIZE HOW DISGUSTING IT IS. I HATE IT I HATE LIFE.

…

what’s life’s meaning? I feel so horrible about myself, disgusted

it’s so fucking hard being the “gifted and perfect” kid. My parents say it’s cause they want me to do good in life, I don’t doubt it. But there’s something else, I feel like they’re using me my brother never got good grades always failed skipped school. And yet I’m “gifted” if they argue with him, I’m always taking my brothers side. Because he doesn’t deserve being treated wrongly, he tries his best.

I don’t want to live.

I feel so fucking selfish just venting.

I always have energy, I could be dancing, hearing my friend talk about their interests. Yet i wand to kill myself. I always do what my body tells me, not what I want to do. I don’t know how to feel really

I lost my first few friends at a new school because of simple misused wording, I needed a break from them, they were leaving me out. I said I didn’t want to be friends— then they ran up the stairs. They hate me. Even if they’re friends with my best friend, I don’t talk to them, they talk behind my back blaming me for this incident…yet…I can’t bring myself to blame them back. They’re wonderful people that deserve things, i opened up to them, because they are so cool. Yet I got betrayed. I don’t mind tho. My best friend could stay friend with them, as long as they still for me too, even that’s a stretch, But who am I to tell them not to be friends for my own selfishness. I’m not that bad of a person. Everyone has their own opinion. Everything alright! (Not it’s not.)

who cares? Who actually cares? So many people say they do. But I feel empty. I feel disconnected. I don’t have energy. But I try.

I don’t want people worrying. Because they have problems already. Why am I being selfish and asking for precious time they could be using just to spew out words? What’s wrong with me?

many people may think I’m Kai right now or something. No I’m fucking Chaos, Heh, all these words are so funny coming from an 11 year old right? so so funny.

and so so useless.

…

I always have energy, and I’m never serious. I hate that. I feel judged for that. But I can’t control it its my damn body! I hate it so much.

I hate life.

(END)

Omg, that felt good also to whoever read all of that thank you I will bombard you with happy things, this is really negative and I’m so sorry, but I had to get this off my chest, I know I’m going to get judged because of the first paragraph. But it’s something that happened to an unknown me, I’m sorry for all the negative I will be posting silly reblogs to take the depressing mood away.

love you all <3333/platonic)

-Chaos

[the-one-who-lambs]

how many cotl related dreams have you had by now?

Oh my god all my new followers are gonna have to get caught up to speed huh? So if I rotate something in my brain enough, the likelihood of me thinking about it as I'm falling asleep makes my chances of dreaming about it astronomically higher. Most notably, every other month or so I've had like.. a lucid dream where Shamura and I are just vibing in what seems to be their library. (This is why Pura drew me the Shamura profile picture actually.) Results have varied.

I'm just gonna copy and paste directly from my dream log document I have in the notes section of my phone.

-Shamura Lucid dreams. What have we done... Just chatting, talk about fears and shit, gave them a bubble tea (didn't go well), hug (not super comfy but it was nice anyway).. mostly just talk. They suck at jokes. They are literally so sweet and CONSTANTLY DEPRESSED BUT their presence is so comforting I don't know how else to describe it. Such a friend fr. Looked through their library.. I didn't understand anything but it looked cool but also felt like if I looked at anything wrong I'd set myself on fire by accident. Idk. most recently I talked to them about Gender Thoughts™ and just asked them how they knew they were nonbinary and they hit me with a "Well how did you know YOU were nonbinary ::)" motherfucker you are ten steps ahead of me right now. Forget the trans allegory of trying to "crack the egg." They put it in the microwave and tried to fucking explode it.

-Heket was my wife and we went swimming

-Shamura ran a Mexican restaurant, made good nachos

-Abstract dream, saw all five bishops. Just kind of observed stuff from the outside rather than interacting with them but nothing was super clear, other than them reuniting

-dream that lasted like 2 minutes, Shamura with a little Narinder. I think I was like watching an animated short tho, they weren't actually there. (Note: I still want this so bad)

-I was the Lamb and I went crusading and when I was done Leshy gave me a reward. I don't know why. I chose having a new scar (love that getting injured was my reward) and another choice was like .. the bishops had stronger weapons to fight me with?

-Kallamar (I'm pretty sure from @meatcatt's Redo AU. Great I'm dreaming about AUs of friends now.) was in his Gaming Hole™ and I went to say hi but I startled him and he like... Broke his mug or something and the noise woke me up at 4:45 in the morning.

-Choose ur starter pokémon (Bishop). They were all little and lying down on a table. I wasn't able to pick just one so I made some fried rice instead?? Also I was moving into a house with Ryan (note: my younger brother. I'm the first of 4 kids, he's the second of us)

-I was immediately transported back to 6th grade with all the knowledge I have now and started making predictions about the future that were all correct because I had lived it. One of the things I predicted was some sort of apocalypse that involved a red fungus taking over the world. All of the Bishops were responsible for this, and I distinctly remember Kallamar in a spaceship.

-Leshy disintegrated in front of me???? I think I killed him with my mind I'm SO SORRY LESHY

-Saw Shamura on 3 separate occasions on one night. One they were helping me win a competition to win a house but the house was boobytrapped and haunted and I had to get through the boobytraps to win it wait how were they helping me exactly?, second we were farming together I think in that exact house and we had like so many vegetables I couldn't fucking move and third we were selling ice cream together.

-I saw Narinder!!! Finally!! I was in some. Sermon thing. And he was giving a speech about peace for his followers. Idk (oh wait I didn't remember I had dreamt about him before)

-Had a dream that I became Heket's vessel. At the end of the dream, she turned against me and tried to reclaim her crown. I didn't see that one coming, somehow. Also, the fight took place in my parents's bathroom.

[iris-agere]

TW: ED, SH, HOMOPHOBIA

venting on this blog because it’s the only one my irl’s dont have a chance of seeing.

i fucking hate myself so much. i can’t do anything right for myself or anyone else. i don’t know where the hell this came from. i was doing so good. i was clean from self harming and i was eating nicely. i felt okay about myself, and i was so happy. it’s stupid to say i don’t know how it happened because i know it just does happen. I hate everything. i hate school.

i used to love school and my nice group of three friends, but because two of those friends are boys and im a girl, and my school is the fucking most bigoted place on earth, i started getting threats of being in big trouble, having a talk with my parents, or GETTING MOVED DOWN A GRADE because i was friends with a boy, when the only stable goal i can openly have is being a good student before anything else. so now i’ve vowed to quit talking to my fucking best friend so i have to ignore him in school and i feel so bad because it feels so cold. it’s things like this that make me regret ever leaving my little bubble of loneliness and ever socializing. it was when this started happening that i relapsed by self harming and by binge eating like an idiot, and it’s also when i started to loose motivation for everything. and i mean everything.

I wake up every day and get ready, going to school and trying my hardest, smiling and paying attention while i’m refusing to feed myself because of my binged and getting shamed by the front office lady daily for wearing makeup when i don’t even wear that much, while i can literally see her whole fucking boobs most of the time and i can SEE the makeup sitting on her face.

Any minor slip up or ‘disrespect’ i commit ends me up being scolded by my parents and compared to my brother who they basically see as the standard for bad because he’s gay. They find any way to connect my mistakes to him and tell me they ‘don’t want me to end up like him’ well guess what. i’m bisexual. i’m a girl and i like girls, i like guys, i believe in more than two genders and i like them all. what are you gonna do? kick me out? disown me? kill me? it’s not fair when ALL I FUCKING DO IS WORK. it’s all i do. it’s my whole damn life. it’s always been all i am. i’ve always been the sibling with no life because of my fucking parents allowing me to do nothing but work. i’m not exaggerating when i say i have fucking absolutely no time for myself. i’m always cleaning or babysitting a million kids or who even knows what the hell, while my dad is either out anywhere but home, or he’s sitting on his ass while i handle literally everything.

My relationship with food is only getting worse. i’m fasting more and i can’t eat ANYTHING without feeling like i want to rip my hair out and trying to throw it up on top of doing a whole ass workout routine right after when all i fucking had today was blueberries. it’s happening so damn fast and i feel so shitty because i have no idea how im treating my best friend who treats me so nicely and im actually allowed to hang out with. i genuinely don’t know how im treating her. i feel like its bad, because i dont know if i make her feel annoyed or like i ghost her, but sometimes i really cant be around people so i got to the bathroom and i just hide. it’s how i am. it’s always been how i am.

i was never made for handling a lot of people or noise or anything, which is why all i feel sitting there is regret for making friends in the first place. seriously, what’s wrong with me? i’m too bad for them. i don’t want friends. i want to be alone forever and worry about myself. i want to be the only person in my own world. that’s honestly the most i can handle. i feel irritable and ugly and angry and tired and so fucking unmotivated to do anything. it’s like i’m fighting for my life to keep my grades up because it’s literally all i can do. it’s all im good for and i accept that.

I wasn’t made for people or friends. I wasn’t made for positivity or fun or extracurricular activities or any of that. There’s only one thing i’ve always been capable of and that’s being smart. I’m not creative or social or happy. I can’t even please anyone.

[summerpogue]

ok so I have about half the final episode left and I had to stop bc my AirPods died and also it was 5am and after an emotionally taxing day (election related) a bitch needed some rest

however…………. holy fuck ????????????? (obx4 pt 2 spoilers below - seriously, like…. the whole season spoiled below, do not read if you haven’t watched)

jj crashing out and inciting a pogue uprising was beautiful. I know some people will say what they will about jj always being reckless but enough was enough. the pogues collectively bit back and I loved to see it. (also, I cried a little bc it was cathartic as shit to watch given recent events, we love to see the lower class, constantly getting fucked over and over and over again by kook ass bullshit finally saying fuck you, I’ll give you something to whine about).

and I will say, it was tough to watch jj withdraw and drink about his feelings but all his feelings were valid. lashing out at john b and saying what he did wasn’t cool, however both of his father figures are grade-a pieces of shit and he literally had almost just gotten murdered by one of them so he gets a pass. like nick miller’s ‘dead dad pass’, jj gets a ‘two deadbeat, abusive, backstabbing, money-hungry dads’ pass as far as I’m concerned.

I knew sarah’s pregnancy arc was coming, they weren’t subtle at all in part one and as soon as she started acting weird I was like ‘wow okay we’re really doing this????’ I don’t think it’s necessary. she is nineteen years old, their lives are never ending chaos, whether or not it’s been properly explored her and john b are deeply traumatized and have parental shit they need to work out, she is nineteen years old. several times I said ‘and we’re not gonna have a conversation about options??? we’re just full sending it??????’ not saying that she has to do anything particular, but with how firm she was not even that many episodes ago when john b brought up kids this feels like a disservice to her character (and in light of recent events, I feel extra angry about a storyline boxing a woman into becoming a mother when they’ve clearly expressed they’re not ready, and when they haven’t even started to achieve the things they want out of life).

chandler groff can get fucked. (I left off on jj considering letting him out of the well and I know he’s gonna do it but I really wish he’d let him rot). I think he’s worse than ward ever was, because for as greedy, self-serving and maniacal as ward was, he would never have stolen the map and looking device and thrown her injured into the ocean to die. I really really don’t think he would. he loved his kids even if he did it wrong, chandler doesn’t love anyone but himself.

jj deserves so much better, he deserves so much more. he got not one but two fathers who would hang him out to dry to make a quick buck. that shit luke pulled at the town hall had me about to reach jj levels of crash out. I hope this second will that was mentioned says that jj gets goat island. let them turn goat island into poguelandia, or let jj sell it and tap into the wealth that is his birthright (even tho he’ll do something dumb with it). I also hope he’s able to learn more about his mother, I think it would help anchor him to truly know who she was, and to know that he came from someone good because right now he thinks he only comes from bad and that breaks my heart.

I’ve liked seeing rafe soft and trying (why did I feel bad for him when they tied him up lmao I really felt like he was being genuine about coexisting until they got to morocco) and I yelled at him when he dumped sofia like girl???? you killed the sheriff??? you tried to kill your sister??? she took a little money from someone who was paying you, they are not the same and your karmic debt is so massive you shouldn’t even have a girl like sofia so like, shut up and be grateful. let it go.

I’m scared for pope, he’s in seeeeerious shit. it was a badass move but also so, so reckless and I hope they bring groff back and shoupe does something to make it go away. shoupe pulled through on the beach and he needs to keep pulling through

those are all my thoughts — if you reply or chime in pleeeeeeeeeeeeease remember, I am not finished, do not talk to me about anything beyond jj seeing groff in the well, I don’t even know if he’s out of the well or not

[raybuggybug]

Tw: depression, s*icidal thoughts, SA mention, Self H*rm mention

Venting and rambling (long)

I’ve been really back and forth with my emotions recently. I’m sure right now being that time of month is making more emotional, but doesn’t change the fact that I’m exhausted.

It’s currently in that weird spot where I don’t want to kill myself, but I wish I could disappear from existence for a while. Some times that thought can transform into the former one though so I’m trying to keep myself distracted.

I fell asleep earlier just because of that feeling kind of creeping in. I don’t know who I could talk to about it because it feels like my emotions are a burden for everyone. I’m not super close with any of my family out here and I only really shared how I was feeling with my mom but she’s also going through something. I don’t want to add anything to anyone’s plate. I like and trust my friends, but I’m insecure. I just want to mostly be known as the funny haha person. I feel like I can’t truly open up without it sounding out of no where or like I’m attention seeking. I grew up being told I was attention seeking for sharing my emotions so I kind of stopped sharing them until it got too bad but then I would get shamed for being sensitive and over reacting. It still hurts to think about how my parents apparently knew something was wrong with me. All those days I was sick was my anxiety making me throw up consistent. They would talk about what they should do. What did they do? Nothing. Just called me the boy who cried wolf whenever I felt sick. It’s not like we couldn’t afford going to a doctor or therapy. My dad’s insurance then made it all free. I developed middle child and imposter syndrome real bad. My sister was always the golden child. Better grades and more out spoken. My younger brother being the boy and having special needs. My mom was basically raising us alone because my dad being away for work. She admits she did wrong. She said it was easier to spoil my brother to stop his tantrums so that’s what she did. My sister was stubborn so she gave her what she wanted as well. When we’d fight, I’d be the one sent to my room. I remember crying and asking why it was always me even when I was the one being hit and spit on by my siblings, she said it was because I was the one who did as I was told. My mom acknowledges this was wrong and has apologized. I know she didn’t mean it, but it still hurts. She still apologizes for it occasionally and I forgive her, but it still hurts.

I usually look upon my childhood with so much sadness and shame. Me and my sister were both assaulted by my mom’s father. It started before I was even in kindergarten and lasted 2 years. I’m not gonna go into the details of it because I don’t feel like this is the place, but that still haunts me of course. My sister said she’s lucky because she was able to block most of it out. I don’t have the same luxury. I remember so much. Should I consider us both lucky that the worst thing he did to me got him caught since I got hurt while running away? If I didn’t bump my head that day… if my mom didn’t hug me that day… if she didn’t feel the bump and ask what happened….

Back then I didn’t know what the trauma meant. I was six when it ended. I know how small I was. I still got my teddy bear from the clinic that exist for children who experienced SA. I named him after the bear from open season before the movie came out. I remember that bear being so big. How it would drag on the ground as I carried it with me everywhere. I could use him as a blanket. That same bear is smaller than my torso by barely now. I was so small and unaware, but I knew it was bad. It ended didn’t end the pain in many ways. I remember these girls I didn’t really talk to that much in the fifth grade walking up to me and asking me if it was true I was raped by my grand father. I didn’t even know what that word meant so I said yes as a stupid kid would and they laughed at me. They spread rumors about it and I was laughed at by everyone. People would use it as a thing against me, but then I would be blamed for telling people that it happened to me. I wonder if those girls remember that? I hope they’re better people now.

I moved a lot so I didn’t get to keep friends for very long so that made my childhood feel more lonely. I had a lot of cases where I think I would have friends; but then later they’d say I was never their friend and gossip about me. My personality was always closed off and shy so I guess it made me an easy target, especially when I stopped taking care of myself. I’d go to the school counselor a lot. I didn’t even realize til recently how often I’d go. I was told by them how mature I was for my age. I wasn’t mature, it turns out. I was traumatized.

I’ve had suicidal thoughts as long as I can remember. I remember being in second grade crying against the bus window, wanting to jump in front of a car. No child should have thoughts like that. No child should have to have gone what I went through. I feel like I owe an apology to her, but so many situations I felt like I had no control.

As I got older, I stopped sharing that piece of history with people outside of a few friends. It would occasionally leak out, but people making jokes about that, that reflects more on them. I was more targeted for my hygiene and timid personality. I was never beaten up, but even a threat would make me cry. I also realized I definitely wasn’t mature for my age. I look back, and I wasn’t a great friend. I didn’t understand boundaries. I am so thankful to my best friend from middle school to the junior year of high school. It hurt when we started drifting apart, but I wasn’t a great friend. Or maybe I was and I’m just too negative? She was older than me, but much shorter. She would threaten to beat up people who were mean to me and assure me all the time that we were best friends. I’m sure I was high maintenance. I’m thankful to her for sticking it out with me for so long. Maybe we grew apart because of our interest being so different or maybe I was too much or maybe it was my own insecurities?

I’m now an adult who is just a mess of insecurities, anxiety, and depression. It’s led to me being in several toxic “friendships” since I’m not great at setting boundaries. I don’t want to be a bother to anyone, after all. Even when I’m joking with a friend, even if they message first, I have such a loud voice in my head telling me to shut up. I’m annoying them. They don’t like me, they’re just nice people. It makes calling people friends so hard. I have a hard time believing people when they call me their friend or praise me for anything. I truly don’t see me as someone worthy of being praised at all. When I was still employed, I’d cry at work all the time. It felt horrible. I would have to run to the back and just start punching, slapping, pinching, scratching, and biting myself. I hated that people could see me and it made it worse. I’d spiral and I felt like an idiot. “I can’t imagine crying at work” is what a manager one time said as a joke in passing since another joked “don’t cry.” But that first manager knew more of my circumstances and just made me feel more insecure and stupid. I was threatened to be fired from that same job for my mental health since this day, I was supposed to have left an hour ago, but my replacement wasn’t there. I was over stimulated and in my least favorite position so I broke down. One manager tried to help and took my headset so I can go sit down but then the second one charged in demanded to know what happened and said she wanted to fire me. The first manager came in then and was asking her what she was doing. I was able to buy some time instead of being fired on the spot like she wanted and was able to talk to the district manager about it. That job drove me insane. I am very introverted yet always placed in service. I get it, I was great at it, but at least put me up front. I was put in drive thru almost everyday and I couldn’t really handle that position. The headset always was a stimulation issue. It hurt my head and some voices made me irritated. Not that the person was mean, it was just the sound. I know that sounds mean, but some sounds I can’t stand and their voice falls in there. It was a lot of non stop movement and multitasking and I’m not great at that. I had so many breakdowns ending in self harm because of that position and I’d bet the scheduling manager to move me around more. She never did and said that “you’ll have a break down no matter where I put you.” I had that job for six and a half years and even after all that time, my needs were ignored and I felt like more and more of a pest. It didn’t help I worked with my sister. My insecurities involving her never went away. She was still the golden child. The one that I’d be compared to. The one who had her shit together. I remember when I was feeling so suicidal, I went to her. We were at work before it was even open, early in the morning. I was in drive thru again. The opening task was to cut bread so I had to deal with a knife. I went to her and cried. I said I felt unsafe with myself and that knife. What did she say? “What do you want me to do about it?” With a look of disgust. She apparently called my mom later saying she messed up, but never apologized to me. I brought it up months later and she continued to treat me like I was stupid. “What did you want me to do?” “Just tell me how it was gonna be okay. Just something positive to ground me. What you said really hurt.” And she responded sarcastically “sure, Rachel. Next time you come crying I’ll say ‘it’s okay’ if that’s what you want.” I was living with her at the time. I felt like it was her space and my only place was my room. I felt like I couldn’t emote or she’d judge me and say I wasn’t trying hard enough. How it’s not that hard to get better.

. I became scared of my sister. My mom is the same. With everyone else, my sister is very giving and a people pleaser, but it’s so different with me and my mom. She expects so much from us, but to give nothing in return. She’s always had so much control of my life. I moved across the country mostly to get away from her. She’d often tell me “you know I know you’re weird and I’m used to it, but other people are probably weirded out by you.” “I know when you’re being sarcastic and joking, but no one else knows and you come across like a bitch.” But she would always judge my interest and call me weird. She would also never get my jokes and take my words seriously. She didn’t know me. She expected me to be the contact between her and our dad. I don’t like our dad either. He’d often call me down when he thought I was depressed for “therapy” sessions where it would just turn into him venting about his life to his already depressed daughter. I didn’t want to speak to him, but she made me. She then proceeded to have me resign the lease to this apartment, but move out less than a year later to a place that didn’t even take dogs, so she left her lab with me. She expected my mom to help pay what was her part of rent even though my mom lived across the country and now expects us to pay her back for the month she had to help pay because the rent there was more than what I made and I didn’t have any money left for other bills or food. The night my cat died, my mom had to convince her to go be with me so i wouldn’t be alone. My cat died in that apartment in my room. If she didn’t show up, I would have been left there with her body for the whole night because she also took our car when she moved. I split payments on that for years, by the way. Barely used it. She told me not to worry about the cost for my cat’s cremation and that she would pay for it, but then later held it over my head cause it put her in the red even though she knew I also had no money. She then got mad at me when she learned I was moving across the country with my mom. Told me to never ask her for anything ever again as if I did that anyway. It still hurt, even if she didn’t stick to it for very long.

When she found out about the move, she would say things like “you just started making friends here, and now you’re leaving?” like I was incapable of making new friends. Her tone towards me was always so condescending. She was allowed to use me to vent about stuff all the time, but not the other way around. I didn’t even choose to move out with her, that was all her choosing and I was in a situation where I had no choice. My parents were going through a long time coming divorce and my mom was out of state so we were living with our dad. He wanted us out because he immediately started seeing another woman. I was forced to live with her at the cost of my own comfort. My sister and dad are very similar people, unfortunately. Most of my nightmares are to do with them. I can’t even scream in them. My voice just leaves me when I try. Those are the worst. No monsters can even compare. The SA dreams are bad too, but they aren’t as common.

Im sorry for rambling, I just wanted to vent a little and a lot came out. I don’t really know who I could talk to about anything. There are people who know all this, so I don’t want to sound redundant or bother them. It feels like everyone is busy and I don’t want to bother them or add anything to their plate. I want to make other people’s days better, not bring negativity into it. I’ve typed out messages, but end up deleted them. I feel like my existence is something to be apologized for. Just being asked about my birthday even hurts. I feel like I’m not worthy of being celebrated. I need therapy and medication, but I can’t afford it. I’m in a situation I can’t even get a job right now. I currently feel like a parasite living off of my grandparents I didn’t even grow up with. I hope I can get better. I’m sorry.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Swiftie Anon

Hi guys! I got an ask from an anon that might be triggering so I'm copy-pasting it here so I can put a 'read more' button. I'm naming them Swiftie Anon because they said Taylor really helped them.

TW: SH, SI

Hi Cas, hope you’re ok, because I sure as hell am not. Trigger warning, like mentions of self harm and stuff like that I think.

I’m a seventh grader and recently I’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot more than I usually do. During the pandemic I was in 3rd grade and I kinda realized how much life sucked, but when I went back to school in 5th grade, I realized that this hadn’t occurred to anyone else. I kind of brushed it off bc I’ve always been sort of a pessimist but then I sixth grade I started having suicidal thoughts, I think. I just felt really done with everything, I didn’t want to draw or read or write, and my parents were pissed all the time, it felt like my friends were bored of me (I have abandonment issues from all my friends in elementary school leaving me) (I think)and I thought it would just be easier to not exist anymore, it wasn’t that good. I discovered Taylor, the angel that she is, she just felt…like a friend, like she was right there, you know, and I’ve been mostly okay-ish since. But school fucking sucks and in 7th grade I had to do a presentation in front of my class and I started crying and hyperventilating, I couldn’t even stand up. I think I have anxiety idk. I’ve always been shy, and I’ve hyperventilated before when my parents were yelling at me about stuff and my arms started bleeding because I was digging my nails into them. My parents found out at conferences and I got grounded. my brother knows bc he walked in on me crying and hyperventilating once but he’s leaving for college next year and idk how the fuck I’ll stay together without him. My younger sister and I are really close, but I don’t want to drag her in onto this stuff. And ik once I get to high school it’ll be even worse bc high school sounds horrible and I might be all alone again bc I might not go to the same high school as my friends

I haven’t said a word about this to anyone voluntarily and I know I can’t tell my parents. I always lie on those surveys you get at the doctor, and my parents are always saying I should have a more positive outlook on life and try to be happier and it makes me so pissed bc I am trying as hard as I can to be happening but nothing fucking works.

idk what do with myself anymore, a teacher mentioned college today and I almost broke down sobbing bc I don’t think I’ll let myself live that long. It’s just…really hard and everyday feels like years. Should I tell someone? I’m not as bad as I was in 6th grade, but I know I should be getting help somehow. But I suck at asking for things and I can’t trust any adults.

sorry for the rant, I just need some advice. And a virtual, pat on the head or something, idk.

---

Hi hon!

First, (with your permission), I'm like to give you a virtual hug, because it sounds like you're dealing with a lot <3

I'm gonna be really real with you right now: You need to ask for some help. You have a lot going on, and some really heavy feelings, and you don't deserve to be dealing with them at ALL, let alone by yourself.

You're young, and you have SO MUCH life left to enjoy, and suffering through it like this isn't fair. So I'm going to share something about myself with you, okay?

When I was younger, I was very depressed. I was in a bad relationship and I felt very trapped, and I got to a point similar to you.

One day, I got so overwhelmed that I sort of realized that I either needed to ask for help or I would end up making a really bad decision. So, I asked for help.

Again, I'm going to be real: It was SUPER scary. I had to see a lot of doctors and I cried a lot. But after a lot of work, I was able to get better, and now, years later, I am in a (different) healthy relationship, and I have a job and a pet, and I'm here talking to you.

I know this sounds stupid because it's like some feel-good story and right now I'm sure you feel less than great. But I say this because you NEED to ask for help, even if it is difficult. Because there are real things past this feeling. A future job, a future relationship (if you want), a future pet, future kids (if you want). They're all very real and achievable and this feeling is temporary, even thought it feels so permanent right now.

So I'm going to give you some options, since it seems like you don't want to talk to your parents:

Talk to a doctor. Doctors are trained to help you, and they have a lot of resources.

Talk to a trusted teacher. Teachers can sometimes be amazing resources as well, and a lot of them want to listen when you ask to talk.

Talk to a different adult (aunt, uncle, coach, someone!) that you feel close to that will help.

Call/text/message a hotline. Here is an example of a hotline you can talk to via messaging, text, or phone, depending on what you prefer.

But you need to ask for help, because you DESERVE to be happy and living your best life.

It would make me super happy if you message/inboxed me an update, whether you're doing better, worse, or the same! I'm so proud of you for reaching out and I'm cheering you on!

[babstheyaga]

TW: bullying, manipulation, a little bit of slut shaming ig??, power play, power imbalance, age gap (with Optimus, but of course everyone in this story is over 18)

OKOK SO . Picture this . Bee is the jock right? While the reader is, of course, timid and sweet, a little bit of antisocial... Doesn't help the fact that she recently changed school, so she doesn't know anyone, poor soul :((

That's what made her become an easy target for Bee... He found her cute, don't get me wrong, but he doesn't know how to express his feelings in a healthy way, so of course he had to start tormenting her!! And him, being as popular as he is for being an athlete, caused other students to pick on her too from time to time.

Poor girl was desperate because no one was helping her, and everyday became a nightmare for her...

That was until Mirage (the goth everyone fears) took pity in her (and maybe he also felt something for her??) So he started acting like her knight in a shiny armour, defending her from the bullies and Bee <3

Reader found comfort in Mirage. Yes, at times, he was a bit scary, but he looked after her and protected her!! So he was a good person after all, right? (He wasn't...)

This caused the two men to become enemies... Bee knew how fucked up Mirage actually was, so he tried to warn the reader about him in *his own typical ways*...

Mirage discovered this, and he started a physical fight with Bee. So certainly, the principal (Optimus) had to intervene and called the two men and the reader in his office... Why also the reader? Of course, because they were fighting for her!! So that definitely meant that the reader had some... promiscuous... attitudes. And not definitely, because also the principal set his eyes on that poor, sweet girl. Maybe if he played his cards right, he could get her...

Now, the poor reader found herself in a compromised position... Who could she thrust?

(For extra spice, the reader can be really dense and doesn't understand that those 3 men are making advances on her <3)

(Sorry if it's too long but I got carried away by my thoughts OWBOAB)

- 🍰

THIS.

THIS

THIS!!!

Ohhhh my god... I'm like- Omgosh I'm totally obsessed with this oh my god... Holy shit I can't even express how much I absolutely ADORE this to the moon and back holy fucking shit.

Holy shit and like, what if Optimus sees any form of bullying whatsoever revolving reader, so he calls her to his office to just- CONTINUE the bullying basically, and like- Holy shit but like- Wait wait wait hear me out I'm gonna break down wait hold on-

What if Optimus ends up altering her grades somehow, and he calls her in for that to tell her that she use to be, "Such a good student. Is the bullying getting to your head, little lady? Perhaps I should arrange for you to switch schools again." And reader TOTALLY freaks out, her parents would kill her if they found out she was getting harassed at school again. It's bad enough she was already considered the class dipshit in two other schools, but now in this supposed private, high-class, expensive school? They're gonna fucking beat her ass!

No no no, this can't possibly happen. Not now. Not ever! She has to make it right somehow.

She tells Optimus, "I'm doing everything I possibly can! No, sir, the bullying isn't getting to me, I-I mean it is! But- not that much! I can fix this, right? I'll do better, I promise! I-I can't switch schools, not again. My parents would kill me. Whatever it is I have to do, I'll do it! I-I just can't go through that-"

He puts up a hand to stop her from going on one of her many, many, pointless, absolutely useless rants to save her ass again. "If you are that desperate to keep your presence in this school, then you need to do better. From now on, you will see me after class to discuss and go over your work." This wasn't a request, this was a commandment from him. He wasn't asking at this point. Jesus, how far did she really dig her hole this time?

So she starts seeing him after class. The usual, the normal everyday tutor at first. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just how you would expect an average teacher to act. But... Things are getting weirder... He starts telling her to sit closer to him each day, he starts leaning over to her side more, the occasional hand on the knee goes up more and more by the day... This all has to be normal, right? She's as virgin as they get, she doesn't know any better. Oh, that poor, poor innocent girl. She just doesn't know what's bad and good for her, now does she?

Maybe if she allows him to get closer, allows him to touch her in such a way, her grade will surely go up and the bullying will stop from him, right? Oh, how wrong she could be didn't seem to phase her...

She knows now that even with the all-seeing eye that is Optimus, the principal of all people, has the power to over take her grades, she feels helpless. Perhaps talking to Mirage again wouldn't hurt, right? She feels comfortable with him. He makes her happy.

Mirage would notice she's struggling to focus after class. Maybe they're hanging out at a gas station in his Porche, something that totally baffles her as to how he managed to get at the ripe age of only just being able to smoke. He would inquire her about Optimus, and why she's been seeing him so often.

She would go on a nervous, shy rant about how his hands on her, how it makes her uncomfortable...

"He touches you... Like this?" He would ask, his hand getting creepily close to her upper inner thigh. She would stare down at it like her life depended on it, confused why this was now happening with her one and only friend.

Okay... If Optimus and Mirage are a no-go for safety... Jesus, does she have to result to BumbleBee now?!

She doesn't know if it's right to flat-out tell BumbleBee about these things, it happened with Mirage, what would make him different? Especially because he's such a dick to her.

She remembers BumbleBee getting physical with Mirage over her, she didn't know how to feel about it. Maybe he's not as bad of a guy as she thinks he is?

How many times can a woman be wrong in only two months?

When she first confesses to BumbleBee why she finally came to him after so long of avoiding him, he is enraged. He doesn't know what to do with his anger. It's not like he can beat the shit out of the principal, let alone get a good enough lawyer to pumble Mirage.

His first response is anger, of course, but what if it's not totally directed at the males? What if he feels she is somewhat responsible for it as well?

Just stick up for yourself i-d-i-o-t! He would say. She would be panicked, he was pacing back and force in the men's empty locker room that he invited her into. Come on, he's the prized jock of the school, getting in trouble for bringing a girl somewhere private is the least of his worries.

He doesn't understand why she doesn't just tell them no. He's always so good at fighting back to anything and everything... So... Why doesn't he teach her how to fight back?

This is the best idea ever! He could just come onto her and she would learn through that!

Oh but... What if it goes too far? His precious little, idiot, stupid, dumbass virgin girl he's infatuated with can't possibly fight him back. He's simply too strong! But that's what she needs, isn't it? That's how she needs to learn her way to be strong like him... Right?

Oh God, time to add another tally to the list of things she can be wrong about.

[jupiter--dream]

Sigh. Heavy vent incoming, ig, has to do with school

NPD, OCD and unmedicated ADHD will forever destroy me academically

I can stomach uni, I can stomach exams and homework; what I can't stomach is the fact that I'm not doing what I wanted to do because the gpa they asked for was insane and I was severely struggling with, again, unmedicated ADHD; and now I get to hear people tell me what they're studying and I know each and every time if they scored higher than me and it makes me lose my mind

I spent my whole damn life planning how to get in here and working against my disability and I feel like absolute ass, there's very few things that trigger me, in fact, I can stomach almost anything, but any talk about grades will make me sick to my stomach immediately and feel like shit for hours and I just qwq

I also know that studying what I've always said I'd study would make me absolutely miserable and still I crave it like a huge dumbass, because I told everyone that's what I wanted to study, and even when most of the people I know aren't doing the things they originally wanted to study, I still feel like I'm letting a lot of people down and just.

I don't know what to do, my friend sent me a pic of the people in physics right now and I literally recoiled and almost cried because I couldn't do it, I couldn't do it, there were so few spots and it was so hard and I'm in a degree with so many spots and just. I don't know how to handle it, I feel like I'm losing myself qwq

Like fuck, this is not just a "former gifted kid" story, I did everything, dad signed me up for every class, every program, he lied about my age to get me in stuff I wasn't allowed in because of age, I went to university programs, to extracurricular maths and physics classes, he kept telling me about how people studying stuff like me were gonna be the future and whatnot and even when I know that's bullshit, my brain is still latched onto the idea that I'm doing something very bad for the world for settling for "less", like suddenly me not studying physics and maths is gonna develop into some butterfly effect where I don't discover something grand or do something amazing that'll lead to big change, and I don't know what to do, the paranoia is killing me, and there's so many expectations qwq

I went in to my first day of class feeling absolutely disheveled and feeling like nothing was real; this whole thing has been a massive ego death and I don't know what to do qwq, and it's literally nothing, I'm 18, the world keeps spinning and it's just studies, but I want to do so much stuff that I can't reach qwq

Languages are hard and I have little time for them, I had to stop playing piano because I had no way of practicing bc of circumstances, and I can't even get in the thing I was set to study since third grade and I feel like a plagiarized version of myself, like I'm my own shadow, and just. I'm praying and hoping for ADHD medication because my parents really wanted me to "try to push through" by myself and whatnot but I feel like I'm rotting inside and withering, and I can't even really tell this to other people because Everyone Feels Bad For Their Grades Sometimes and You're Still Smart, Stop Complaining, and because Everyone Was A Gifted Kid In Primary School, Idiot qwq