#and i know my optimal working time is 20 minutes

[alrightbuckaroo]

when life gives you lemons

With ao3 down, it seems like the perfect time to transfer more stories from my 100 Ways to Say I Love You series over here! Here's one from early 2023. Credit to this user for the divider and I hope you enjoy <3

“TK?” Jonah’s voice is quiet and TK can hear his confusion clear through the question. “Am I doing something wrong?”

He looks up at TK; his eyebrows knitted together, and his lower lip is jutted out. His green eyes showing slight defeat. TK doesn’t know how to do it; but he knows he wants that look to go away. “Of course not, buddy. We just need to be patient; someone will walk by, eventually.”

TK didn’t say it out loud; but he wasn’t too sure how true that would be with it being in the high 80s on a Thursday afternoon in the suburbs of Austin.

Jonah doesn’t seem too convinced by TK’s false optimism so TK tries his next best trick; distraction.

“Why don’t you inside, grab some more markers, huh?” TK suggests. “We can make some more signs, use some of that glitter glue we got yesterday.”

Jonah dejectedly agrees before hoping off of his chair and walking through the opened garage and into their house.

TK occupies his time alone by spinning the mixing spoon in the pitcher of strawberry fizzy lemonade and rearranging the red plastic cups. He feels his phone start to vibrate agains the table and hurries to grab it, at risk of the newly arranged cups becoming askew.

“Hey,” TK answers, not bothering to see who it is.

“Hey babe,” Carlos’ voice is cutting through the line and TK smiles to himself. He sounds exhausted but TK loves the sound just the same. “I’m heading home, did you want me to pick up anything for dinner?”

TK looks at the pitcher of lemonade again before answering. “Do you think we already have everything for chicken Alfredo?”

Carlos is quiet a moment, visualizing what they already have in the kitchen. “I think so, but, I’ll probably pick up some more Parmesan cheese anyways. We just had it a couple of nights ago, is it that high in demand again already?”

TK shrugs even though he knows Carlos can't see him. “It’s Jonah’s favorite and I think he just needs a little bit of a pick me up.”

“What’s going on?” TK can hear Carlos getting into this car, the sound of his voice becoming more insulated.

“We’re selling lemonade.” TK mixes the pitcher again as he sees some of the flavoring start to settle at the bottom. “Well, we’re trying to.”

“TK, I already told you we can afford the science camp we’re sending Jonah to this week.” Carlos jokes.

TK fights a laugh before he replies. “First of all, it’s math camp this week, science was last week and second,” TK leans against the back his chair. “You’re not funny.”

“Oh you know you laughed,” Carlos answers, seeing right through TK.

“Anyways,” TK says, moving swiftly on. “Last week they learned how to make fizzy lemonade as a science experiment. This week, they watched a School House Rock special about how to save money. Long story short, I have a seven year old who has decided to go toe to toe with Country Time Lemonade.” TK explains and Carlos laughs. “Though it’s not looking to good for us but Jonah doesn’t want to give up.”

“Well, he is your brother.” Carlos remarks, off-handedly.

“I’m assuming that’s a good thing?”

“It’s the best thing, TK” Carlos answers. “You never do anything halfway; you should have known Jonah wouldn’t either.”

“That’s true.” TK mumbles. “And we are both our mother’s child.” TK mutters to himself, thinking fondly about Gwyn. Gwyn always tried her best not to give up on anything, on anyone; on him. “It’s just, we haven’t had any customers and I can tell it’s starting to get to him. I don’t want him to be sad about something out of his control.”

Carlos is silent a moment before replying, “Well, between you and me, I think his luck might change soon.”

TK’s looking over the signs he and Jonah had spent the last 20 minutes working on. He points at a black and yellow blob. “And that is,”

“It’s a bumblebee, TK.” Jonah rolls his eyes. “Can’t you see the stinger?”

TK looks at the drawing closer, not seeing anything different. “Oh yeah, it’s right there.” TK points in a general direction and Jonah moves his finger down until he’s pointing at something completely different. “Ah, got it.”

He holds up the sign, “Why bumblebees? We’re not selling honey.”

Jonah releases a very purposeful and heavy sigh. “They’re yellow? Like the lemons?”

TK nods his head, “Oh yes, obviously.”

Before TK can continue to embarrass himself is front of the seven year old business mogul himself, he sees a movement out of the corner of his eyes. He turns slightly to see Carlos walking down the sidewalk. He’s still dressed in his uniform and TK can’t help but feel a pang sympathy for him. Last time he checked his watch it was 86 degrees; and that was an hour ago.

Carlos walks up to where both he and Jonah are sitting before saying, “Hey there, so I was in the neighborhood.

TK’s eyebrows furrow, “Carlos we’re married, we live together, this is our neighborhood.”

“Just go with it, babe.” Carlos says through a tired smile. “Anyways, I was in the neighborhood and couldn’t help but be drawn to this colorful sign. I really love the bumblebees.”

Jonah’s smile is so bright TK can feel himself falling in love with Carlos all over again. “Thanks! He didn’t even know where the stinger was.” Jonah using his thumb to gesture to TK.

“How could he not,” Carlos jokes and TK can start to see where this is going. “Isn’t it that,” Carlos points to exactly where the stinger is. “Right there?”

“Is there something we can help you with, sir?” TK asks the question; annoyed but more importantly, playful.

“Well, I was hoping to buy some lemonade, and this seemed like the perfect place.” Carlos smiles and TK swears he can see all traces of defeat leave Jonah’s eyes. “What do you have?”

Jonah begins to talk Carlos through the both options: classic lemonade, strawberry lemonade; both fizzy. “It’s twenty-five cents a cup.”

“Hmm,” Carlos looks over the pitchers, weighing his options. “How much for the both pitchers?”

“You want to buy all of it?” Jonah asks, eyes wide.

“Yeah, how much are we looking at?” Carlos asks, reaching for his wallet. TK gently nudges Jonah, whispering loud enough for Carlos to hear. “Overcharge him.”

Jonah ignores him as Carlos laughs and pulls out a five. Jonah does the math, and TK watches his work. He can see the math camp is doing him some good. When Jonah tells him how much it’ll be, Carlos hands over the five and tells him to keep the change.

“Thanks, Carlos.” Jonah smiles up at Carlos, one of his front teeth missing.

“Go put that with the money you got from the tooth fairy, okay?” TK suggests. “Then come back out here so we can clean this all up before dinner.”

TK watches after Jonah before turning and looking up at Carlos. “You’re ridiculous.”

“You love it.” Carlos argues and TK sighs as he stands up and begins pouring the lemonade from the cups back into the pitchers.

“You know I do.” TK leans forward looking around them and the houses next to them. “Where’s your baby?”

“What are you talking about, you’re standing right there.” Carlos says the words casually.

TK smiles despite himself. “You’re cute, I mean your car.”

“Parked down at the Bakers; don’t worry, I let Mandy know.” Carlos shrugs, “Felt like parking in the drive way and walking up would ruin the illusion.” Carlos gestures to the plastic bag in hand, “If you’ll excuse me, I need to go put some Parmesan cheese in the fridge before this Texas heat causes it to spoil.”

TK grabs Carlos’ shoulder before he makes it too far, “Babe,” He looks up at Carlos. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you two.” Carlos smiles. “Chicken Alfredo paired with a ice cold glass of fizzy lemonade. Sounds like a pretty perfect dinner to me, don’t you think?”

TK smiles. “About as perfect as could be.”

[teighveepao]

i love my wife @skibidibabygirl so heres 100 reasons why shes one of the people i hold closest to my heart 🫶

1. She's funny and never fails to make me laugh

2. She's able to understand my issues instead of judging them

3. She's been able to grow tremendously as a person throughout our time together

4. She works harder to improve her art than anybody else I know

5. She has the prettiest laugh I've ever heard

6. She doesn't back down easily

7. Her morals

8. She respects all my boundaries, even if they're stupid

9. She's accepting of me and my identity

10. She shares a lot of the same interests as me

11. She was always the most supportive person for me while I started posting on tumblr

12. She isn't afraid to be vulnerable with me

13. She watches/reads a lot of the media I recommend to her

14. Her sense of style

15. She appreciates my bluntness and straightforward attitude

16. She's so friendly to everyone

17. She acknowledges when shes wrong and always works on improving herself

18. She's able to call me out when I'm wrong

19. She's always supportive in whatever I choose to do

20. She started stanning twice for me

21. We share the same political views

22. She makes me so many gifts and I appreciate each and every one of them

23. She doesn't pry into my personal issues if I don't want to talk about it

24. She listens

25. She's the most adorable sweetheart

26. She compliments my appearance each facetime

27. We were able to get comfortable with eachother not even 10 minutes after meeting

28. She's never judged me for my narcissism

29. I wish I could hold her hand and walk through parks with her

30. We share the same love for women

31. She doesnt hesitate to give me space if I need it

32. She's always been the most supportive while I've been learning to draw

33. There's no such thing as "tmi" in our friendship

34. She knows she can always go to me for help

35. She just genuinely has a beautiful soul

36. She likes matching pfps with me

37. She somehow always knows the best things to say when I'm upset

38. I'm proud of her and how much shes grown as a person

39. We tell eachother everything

40. She tried convincing her mom to let her come visit me

41. She is legitimately such a gifted young artist

42. Her hair is so shiney and pretty

43. She takes the time to understand my personal views

44. We're lowk gossipy mfs and we both love it

45. We share the same music taste

46. She can empathize with my issues, even if she doesnt understand them

47. She cares so much about animals

48. She's always been paojade's biggest fan

49. She understands most of my niche references

50. She's probably taking the time to read all of this. You're halfway through babe I believe in you

51. We both love physical touch and affection, even if we're in seperate countries and can't hug eachother

52. She doesnt boast or brag about things I dont have

53. She doesn't take it personally when I get really irritatable

54. She spends so much time calling me, its actually insane

55. Yuri enjoyers

56. We talk things out to solve them instead of ignoring issues

57. Her twice bias is Jeongyeon (green flag)

58. Updates me on tumblr and twitter drama

59. Works hard as a student

60. She isn't afraid of asking me if I'm upset at her and vise versa

61. Her skin is literally glowing. girls skincare is insane

62. She has this deep appreciation for beauty in everything

63. She's good with babies and little kids

64. Always does whatever she can to improve my mood whenever I'm upset

65. She understands boundaries and personal limits

66. She's always honest with me

67. She knows what I like and exactly how I want things

68. She drops whatever shes doing anytime i ask her if she wants to call

69. She matches my freak ♡

70. She's loyal

71. She's the optimism in my world of negativity

72. I admire her dedication to the things she loves

73. We have the same sense of humor and laugh at the same stuff

74. I feel loved unconditionally whenever I speak with her

75. I haven't gone 247 days without speaking to her once

76. I can always trust her with my secrets

77. Trey Clover and Floyd Leech hate.

78. She gets more excited for my special days than I do

79. Our cultures and backgrounds are so different, but she still acknowledges and appreciates mine

80. I enjoy being able to help her with her problems

81. We both love dogs more than cats (while also loving cats deeply)

82. We're like two puzzle pieces that were meant to fit together

83. She's just so gentle

84. I know I can trust her

85. We were both gacha kids during our childhoods

86. She's ready to go to war just to defend my name

87. She listens attentively to my rants about stuff she has no idea about

88. She's beautiful

89. She knows how to motivate me whenever im feeling down

90. We're somehow opposites and the exact same

91. She appreciates when i try to be helpful, even if it can come across as blunt and mean

92. I cherish every second I spend talking with her and laughing

93. She shows me the positives in my world of negatives

94. I know she's always there for me whenever I need her

95. She doesn't make me feel like I'm a bad person

96. I can't ever be mad at her for too long (which is something for me)

97. I only wish happiness and health upon her

98. She likes being my friend

99. She never gave up on us or our friendship

100. She is genuinely one of my closest friends that I love dearly

[meirimerens]

what's your time management mystery secret to excel at college, art, reading, cooking, working out, blogging, commuting, etc simultaneously?!. do you procrastinate never? ever need time to stare at a wall do nothing relax decompress?

I think I answered multiple asks that were just kind of parts of this one, I cannot for the life of me find them again so I'm just gonna possibly repeat myself etc

1) "excell at college"

I've had academic aptitudes/ease since I was little ("""""gifted kid""""") and they didn't disappear as an adult. My cursus demands a specific Eye (recognition), critical thinking, knowing to follow methodologies, and eventually yes some dates, this is a lot of stuff I've done my entire life and do like for fun, so I'm in my element. If I was in a scientific field I would be eating the dirt and barely scrapping passing grades. hence why I didn't choose one. The only real advice I have for this is a) TAKE NOTES BY HAND. I HELPS THE INFORMATION STAY IN YOUR BRAIN. AND ALLOWS FOR MORE FLUID ASSOCIATIONS ON THE PAGE. b) as soon as you can after the class, make worksheets of that class is done to TLDR it and keep the main things from. Small things you keep in a separate ring binder you can flip through. c) Do not go to class with 4hrs of sleep in the legs you will regret it. d) if you can, do Stuff from your cursus like. Outside of class. I need critical thinking for my classes -> I read and watch movies and go to the theater so I can use my Thinking muscles. I need greek for my greek class I read bilingual copies of greek plays to work out my Linguistic Pattern Noticing muscles. I need to describe artworks for class I go see artworks, in person or online, and think. Add: i will tell you I have multiple times exited a midterms telling to myself "I sucked so bad I'm gonna barely get a passing grade" and in the end it was more than fine. Idk how i do that.

2) "excell at [...] art"

Excelling at art is purely subjective and I feel like I've somewhat stagnated for a bit. The #realones know I used to be able to Churn Out 2 a week if not more, now it's a miracle if I put out 2 a month. I focus on one drawing at the time (or try to.....) and use my weekends and the one day every two week I have where I don't have class to work on them. Knowing I need to set time aside for them makes me want to be more diligent in my painting of them.

3) "... reading"

ALWAYS HAVE A BOOK IN YOUR BACKPACK OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE CARRYING!!!!!!! I'm not fucking around. I do most of my reading in the 30 minutes of subway I have every morning and 30 minutes back at night, and between classes. This of course will not work if you have to drive or walk the whole way to campus. But for me I can. Book in your backpack. Long line at the uni canteen? get some reading in. You arrive in front of the doors 5 minutes early and the prof is 5 minutes late? reading. Exam that takes an hours out of the 2 of the class and you finish early? Reading.

4) "... cooking"

One-pot meals. I'm so serious. It's the only thing I do. I have a youtube playlist full of "easy" "quick" whatever else recipes and I alternate depending on what I have in the pantry and want. I planned my meal for the week on the weekend and go grocery shopping on monday morning as I don't have classes. I am also lucky to live In The City so I can literally go grab an ingredience on my way home from school or at 8PM monday to friday.

5) "... working out"

Oh I've gone weeks without working out. Quite frankly. Weeks because I was stressed, because I had midterms, whatever. But when I do I a) do it at home. lol. I dont got Gym Time or Gym Money. b) work out quickly after lunch or dinner (not #optimal but idgafffff I just want to workout) c) do not do it for more than 30 minutes. lol. I don't got time for that. You find tonsss of "follow-along 10/15/20 minutes workout" videos on youtube you can follow in the comfort of your own home and you feel great afterwardssss

6) "... blogging"

Oh you're in my phone. That's the easiest thing of it all. Blogging and even when I'm studying at home my puter is just here.

7) "... commuting"

You just gotta wake up long enough before to catch the bus or the subway don't you. Like there's no secret to it. I never have to take a car to move around in the city, I'm subwaymaxxing, I have a bus to and from the countryside, just gotta wake up. Every day I thank the gods that I don't have to drive to go to college thank you goddesses of fate and chance for having me born here.

8) "Do [i] procrastinate ever"

You will never guess what I'm doing now. Basically on days where I don't have class that's what I'm doing. Sometimes so hard I drive myself crazy. Sometimes I'm stuck in immobility spirals, locked in my own mind screaming at myself to get a move on, unable to do so, and it drives me insane. Maybe he's born with it maybe it's executive dysfunction.

9) "ever need to stare at a wall do nothing decompress"

Every day. That's what the weekends are for, even more the weekends where I can go back to my countryside. Built for the isolated rural monastery's scriptorium, made to study in the city. Etc.

Another thing: I am quite often in genuine, physical pain from stress and strain (recurring headaches mostly), around end of semester exams I am absolutely out-of-my-mind stressed, but you don't see any of that, and when you do I get silly with it posting. I have bad days too 👍 like reallllll real bad lollll and I have to rawdog them all. At any given point there is always one part of the ~optimal~ human life I am neglecting (not enough rest <- typical; falling behind on my coursework; not keep up with my skincare so I get mad I break out; buying sandwiches instead of making the food i planned to; not drawing or writing which pisses me of; not going outside and taking the sun on enough;...)

you just don't see that lol

[chicaotaku-fanfics]

There’s Three of You?! Pt. 9

FINALLY!!! New chapter’s here. I’m sorry for the delay, hope you enjoy it, and again, thank you for giving this story a shot!

Warnings: foul language, might be some medical inconsistencies.

CHAPTER 9

Will gave me a ride to the hospital today, we spent some hours at Molly’s last night with Jay -I told them about the baby and how I really wanted to strangle the young mother, but they both helped me calm down-, we arrived and checked on our patients, discharged the ones that needed it, and as the day started, we received one of the most complicated cases I’d ever seen.

“Trauma 4. Incoming.” said Maggie, Will and I turned to look, I grabbed my protective glasses and put them on, just like Will did. And just in time.

In came Brett, her partner, Severide and another firefighter holding the chandelier on top of our patient.

“45-year-old male, multiple penetrating injuries to the chest. GCS 12, BP's 90 over palp.” Brett gave us the rundown.

“Did you give him anything for pain?” asked Will

“We've given him 4 morphine and 500 saline.” said Brett’s partner.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Chandelier fell from about 20 feet and landed right on him.” said the Lieutenant.

“How long ago was this?” asked Will.

“Maybe 30 minutes.” answered Severide.

“Did he lose consciousness?” I asked.

“No.” answered Severide again. Now that’s impressive. I got into position, near the other firefighter and close to the patient’s head.”

“All right. Let's get ready to move 'em.” said Will.

“Very gently on my count.” we said at the same time, we looked at each other and nodded. “One, two, three.” we said again and we all lifted, placing the board on the bed.

“Ah!” the poor man moaned in agony.

“All right, can you tell me your name?” asked my brother

“Ru-Russel Ro-Rollins.” answered the patient, very clearly struggling to speak.

“Russel?” asked Connor as he walked up to the patient.

“Connor, oh, thank God. Help me.” said the man on the bed.

“All right, we're going to, bud.” said Connor

“All right, airway's in tact. Get me a set of vitals. Someone draw a gas and get a chest X ray.” ordered my brother.

“You know him?” I asked Connor.

“Since I was a kid. Russel, can you move your fingers and toes?” said Connor.

“I think.” answered Russel with difficulty.

“Where did this happen?” asked Connor.

“At the store.” said a woman’s voice, making Connor turn.

“Claire?” he asked, I turned to look at the woman, then at Connor and then back at the patient.

Not my place to pry in.

“Sat's 90. Heart rate's 124.” said my brother.

“All right, everybody, quiet.” ordered Connor, the room was engulfed in silence, only the monitors were emitting sound. “Russel, take a deep breath for me, huh?” said Connor, having put on his stethoscope and placing it gently on the patient’s left back side.

“I don't hear much on the left side. We're gonna need a chest X-ray. It's not optimal, but we're gonna do it from here.” Connor declared, I started to worry about what might happen if done wrong.

“Am I going to die?” asked Russel

“Hey, Russel, listen to me. No, you are not.” said Connor, I looked at him.

“No, you are gonna be fine, Russel. You're gonna be fine.” said the young woman.

“You have to wait over here.” said April, gently moving her to give us doctors room to work.

The X-ray machine arrived, as well as the coats, I was handed one, as well as everyone else who was close to the patient.

“All right, I'm gonna hold the plate from here. You just shoot as head on as possible, okay?” said Connor.

“Here, Russ. Listen to me. You're doing great, buddy. I just need you to keep as still as possible, please.”

“X-ray. Everyone clear?” said the technician.

“Clear.” we all answered.

The machine makes its distinctive sound, then the sound of the monitors comes back, I’m just waiting to see the result of the X-ray.

“Big hemopneumothorax with some shift. He needs a chest tube.” said my brother, he went to get the tray with the chest tube kit, when Connor pretty much took it from Will’s hands.

“I got it.” said Connor, moving the tray. “Who's the trauma attending on call?” he asked, I saw Will pretty much ripping off his gloves and glasses as he stepped out of the trauma bay, pissed off at being pretty much pushed aside from the case, I stayed behind to help if needed.

I just hope its not…

“Dr. Zanetti.” said April.

God fucking dammit.

“Page her. Tell her we need her down here right now.” ordered Connor.

“Got it.” said April.

“I'm sorry, are you family?” Maggie asked the woman.

“I'm--I'm his employer.” she answered then made a pause. “Claire Rhodes from Dolan Rhodes.” she said then.

“The department store?” asked Maggie

“Yeah.” she answered.

“Dr. Rhodes, is he–” Maggie started, but the woman Claire interrupted her.

“He's my brother.” she said.

That explains why Connor seems to want to avoid his last name… not that I would think of him any differently, he’s one hell of a good doctor.

Just then, my personal nightmare arrived.

“What are we looking at?” Zanetti asked.

“45-year-old male. Impaled glass in his left chest. Arrived hypotensive, but responded to blood and fluids. Left tension pneumo.” answered Connor from where he was finishing with the tube.

“That's a cluster.” she said.

No kidding.

“Oh, God.” I heard Claire say from outside the trauma room. One look from Zanetti and Maggie got moving.

“Ma'am, let me show you where you can wait.” said the head nurse and ushered the distraught woman away.

“Got a chest tube in on the left side.” said Connor.

“Pressure's improved. Base deficit was 8.” I said, just then Zanetti turned to look at me, clearly not expecting that I was even helping with this case.

“We need to get this thing off to see what we're dealing with. What did you sedate him with?” she asked again, turning his attention to Connor.

“Got two of Versed with the chest tube.” said the raven surgeon.

“Which one of you is in charge?” asked Zanetti.

“That's me.” answered Severide.

“I need to remove it without allowing this piece to vibrate in the slightest, so I'm thinking cuts here, here, and here.” she said, signaling the places and parts necessary.

“Yes, ma'am.” the Lieutenant answered.

Then the blonde woman turned to me.

“Hey intern girl, you’re not a surgeon, leave my trauma bay and let us real doctors work.” she said, with that damn self-satisfied smirk and her holier-than-thou attitude I despise so much. Connor’s expression, as well as April’s and Severide’s was one of pure surprise and shock.

“Oh, I’m sorry Your Majesty. First of all, I was one of the primary when the patient arrived, second of all, I’m not an intern, I’m a junior resident now.” As soon as I said that, Zanetti’s expression changed to one of surprise. “Third of all, he’s my patient too. I’m not leaving, deal with it.” I said, she looked like I had just smacked her in the face. I hold my ground.

At some point Reese came in, I didn’t want her to experience Zanetti’s horrible attitude, but there was no escaping that woman’s ego.

“I want a CTA of his chest ASAP. Figure out exactly what's bleeding.” Zanetti said.

“Got to get him on his back before we get him upstairs.” said Connor, getting one of the hand saws to cut the glass.

“Oh, you're gonna use--“ started Reese, but Zanetti cut her off in a very rude way.

“Yes, he is. Can you hold the patient steady please? Thank you.” she said in the worst possible tone.

I was holding the patient’s head, stabilizing his neck.

“Would it kill you, Dr. Zanetti, to be nice? Or is that stick you have so far up your ass that it's your default mood now?” I asked, I then heard a snort come from where Connor was standing, Zanetti looked at me like she wanted to kill me, I didn’t care.

“All right, hang in there, Russ.” said Connor, having regained his composture, turning the saw on and effectively cutting the glass.

“All right, we're gonna flip him over onto his back gently on my count. One, two, three.” Zanetti said, we all moved to reposition Russel.

“Okay.” Connor and I said at the same time.

“All right, let's start to package him up. Newbie, start a femoral line.” said the blonde surgeon. I had moved from my position at the head of the bed to be closer to the exit, but I ended right beside Reese.

Reese got the kit, but started to take too long in Zanetti’s eyes, before she could intervene in the worst way possible, I took charge.

“I got this Reese, Maggie support his neck for me please. Connor, you need any help?” I asked him, he looked at me, I moved my eyes towards Reese and then back at what I was doing, and it was enough for him to take the hint.

“I do, actually. Reese, get over here and help me splint the glass to keep it still.” he said, Reese moved over to him, they got to work. “One wrong move on the way, and he could have a massive hemorrhage.” Connor added as an afterthought, I wanted to slap him, rich guy or not.

I was finishing the line when Zanetti spoke again.

“Maggie?”

“Yep.” asked the head nurse.

“Call the blood bank. Tell them I want five more blood, five plasma, and six platelets typed and crossed.” ordered the blonde surgeon.

“Yes, ma'am.” said Maggie.

“All right, are we ready?” just as Zanetti asked, I covered the line, signaling I was done. And just like that, they rolled the patient out of the ED.

I took off my gloves and glasses, and nodded to Reese to follow me. We made it to an empty room and we both got inside. As soon as I closed the door, I turned to look at the other girl.

“Reese, you good?” I asked her.

“Who was that?” she asked.

“That would be Dr. Zanetti. The trauma surgery attending. A woman who believes that, because she’s a surgeon, she’s better than us 'mere mortals': the ED docs, interns, med students, residents, etc.” I explained, she looked down.

“She’s awful.” said Reese, I snorted.

“Yeah, she is. Don’t let her get you down. You’re talented and a very good student. You’ll make a great doctor one day.” I told her honestly, she looked up and I smiled at her. “Come one, let’s get back to work.” I said, she nodded, then placed her hand on top of mine over her shoulder.

“Thanks Dr. Halstead. I needed that.” she said, I let out the Halstead Chuckle®.

“It’s always a pleasure working with you Reese. If you ever need help with anything, I’m here for you, okay?” I asked her, she nodded, “Oh, and before I forget.” I added, Resse turned to look at me. “Call me Lilly, Dr. Halstead actually gets confusing when there’s two of us.” I say to her with a smile, and just like that, we went back to the ED.

Done! Again, I’m sorry for the delay and I’ll try to post next chapter later today.

Thanks for giving my story a go, love you all!

[gigglemeshthegayboi]

A List of Gripes, Misgivings, Nitpicks, and Other Criticisms of the Wilds Beta

With the beta winding down, we should all take the time to really reflect on how much we enjoyed it. Well, of course we enjoyed it. This is Monster Hunter we're talking. But the beta was, well, a beta test. Capcom dropped it to us specifically to test out Wilds, and generate feedback. This is exactly what I have today to, if they somehow see this; feedback. This is a list of gripes, nitpicks, and small misgivings about MH Wilds I have developed from my time with the beta. I would also like to hear the thought of the community at large and how they compare to my own. I played about 20 hours of it from Tuesday until Sunday, but didn't quite get to trying out all of the weapons. I do, however, have notes on most of them. While I adored the beta and am just as hype for Wilds as the next guy, the whole point of a beta is still to generate constructive community feedback. To that end, here's what I have to say:

System:

Right off the bat, sure I'm on PS5, but this game *really* needs better PC optimization. As funny as looking like a PS1 game for some people was, that simply should not be happening to so many people who have purchased a new GPU anytime in the past couple of years.

Can there please be an option to play offline even if your system is online? Thank you very much. 100 player lobbies are cool and all, but if I wanted to play a game with MMO elements like that I would play an actual MMO. It was my biggest gripe with World for most of its lifespan, and I can't help but think it's only gonna get worse with Wilds.

Environment:

I get if it was done the way it was for the sake of demonstration, but the weather shouldn't change nearly as fast as it did in the beta. It coming and going so often made it feel a lot less significant.

Gathering was for the most part cool, but had some really tedious aspects. I like the idea using the grappling hook for it, but I think that putting loot away takes way too long. Also why does zooming in automatically take the Seikret out of sprint? Can I please sprint while focusing aback the birb?

Speaking of items, the item box menu was awful. Why are all the useful functions in their own dinky little menu? Literally just give me Rise item box, or at least add a 1-button shortcut to the loadout and select stack menus.

I also think the equipment menu could be a little better. I think there should be some button that specifically goes to the loadouts menu and one that goes to the armor-by-set menu.

Fishing was way too slow. I know the whole point of fishing is patience, but I shouldn't have to wait two minutes just to catch a single Sushifish. The full game will probably have consumable baits to remedy this, but nonetheless fishing as it stood was truly agonizing.

I wish we knew about how cooking ingredients work. How do we replenish them in the full game? Do we just buy them from that little grocery stand in base camp? Do we earn them for doing optional requests? What's the deal there? Dumping a bunch of them onto us was probably the way to go for the beta, but I'm gonna be hungry for answers until the full release drops.

The pop-up camp system is really cool, I just think it needs some fine tuning. I think that monsters ought to be a little less inclined to attack "Dangerous" camps than they were in the beta, and a little more inclined to attack "Unsafe" camps.

Monsters:

Chatacabra's damage was undertuned. I know it's basically this game's drome, but I'm pretty sure Great Izuchi dealt more damage in the Rise demo than Chatacabra ever did. It only barely felt like a threat in that first quest, and that was mostly because we didn't get to eat beforehand.

Doshaguma's damage, however, was overtuned. Alpha Dosha managed to cart me more times on average than Rey Dau. If Doshaguma is sort of supposed to be the Anjanath to Rey Dau's Rathalos, that just should not be the case. Also, I think it was way too aggressive in its last phase. Felt worse than a 4th gen Furious Rajang in that regard.

Balahara was a weird mix of attacks that did way too much damage and did too little. Generally, the mud attacks were a little too strong, and the biting attacks were a too weak, but that might just be a matter of personal taste. Shouldn't the attacks by its mouth, which is a perma-wound when open, be really dangerous to present some sort of risk-reward?

The fight itself was extremely well tuned--overall the best in the beta--but I wish Rey Dau would actually use area 5 more often. I only ever saw it go up there a couple of times. Maybe make it go up there instead of 9 and 10 during the Plenty?

Weapons:

Focus mode is really cool, but trying to move independently from the camera and hold an attack at the same time is really awkward. Maybe add an option to bind Focus Mode to L3 on controllers?

Greatsword doesn't feel nearly as meaty as I wish it would. Also, what why does Hammer have something with a higher MV than TCS? It's a really cool attack, don't get me wrong, but I just find the idea of TCS being dethroned in that regard irksome. Other than that, both were great. I mained Hammer in World and Greatsword in GU, and they're both probably gonna be up there in Wilds.

Gunlance felt strong. Like it did a wee bit too much damage for once. Maybe slightly reduce the shell damage. That being said, please for the love of god don't touch shell scaling now that, after 5 whole generations, it is finally fixed. Maybe they could, however, remove the wee bit of intrinsic fire from them and change that out for whatever element the Gunlance itself has? Pretty please?

Nothing but praises to sing for Longsword, Lance, and Charge Blade. They knocked it out of the park with these. Maybe a little too much with Longsword in particular.

Also no real notes on the Sword & Shield, Dual Blades, Hunting Horn, or Insect Glaive. I'm not super familiar with these weapons to begin with.

I have no notes whatsoever on any of the ranged weapons. Didn't get around to playing them myself and have never really liked them to begin with. Bow looks cool though.

That leaves Switch Axe. Poor, poor, Switch Axe. The focus attacks are cool. The counter in Sword Mode and the Offset in Axe Mode are cool. Unbridled and Full Release Slash are cool. But why does sword gauge not recharge passively? Why do sword attacks consume so much gauge? Why revert the change from Rise and not let axe mode get phial bursts when amped? Why does Axe Mode feel more like a chore than anything else? Why does the amped state last for so little time? Also why does hitting circle after that one axe combo morph you into sword? Why is morph slash not always an option? Why does trying to input Wild Swing while moving forward do that fuckass running attack? They had a great thing going in Rise, and IMO kinda dumpstered Switch Axe in Wilds from what we've seen.

TL:DR; I hope Capcom does some fine tuning here and there, fixes up the tent menus, makes fishing bearable, and for the love of Gog fixes Switch Axe for Wilds's full release in February. This game is already looking like one of the best 2025 releases, and if they can just tune it a little bit, it might become my single favorite video game ever.

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC Lucien's Through Thousands of Mirrors event translation (Day 1 -Thursday)

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️

This post contains a HEAVY SPOILER for the event that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

Through Thousands of Mirrors Event | Day 1 (You're here!) | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7 | HS/Uni SSR Story: Monochrome Scenery

-

[Tidbits: I don't wanna break the flow so I'll put some information here first 😂. Dr. Lawson is Lucien's post-grad professor. Before, he also appears in UR MQ Distant Similarity. During his post-grad he has three seniors Colt, Elliot, and Caroline.]

-

[Math]

Seeing the particularly puzzled expression on the classmate next to him, Lucien starts to consider whether he should offer some assistance within his capabilities.

For instance, he thinks about telling the classmate that the topic currently being discussed on the blackboard is not from the same chapter as the one in the textbook he's currently reading.

-

[MATH/BIOCHEMISTRY]

After the vending machine devours Lucien's one dollar and twenty-five cents for the third time, and with only three minutes left to get to his next class, he begins to seriously contemplate whether he should try some mysterious repair method—like giving it a good smack or a swift kick.

-

[BIOCHEMISTRY]

Lucien coincidentally runs into Colt by the sports field, just as Colt is about to attend a cricket practice session.

Upon realizing that his senior from the lab is not only managing coursework and a significant project workload but also juggling a 20-hour weekly part-time job and daily school cricket team training, Lucien begins to contemplate whether there is any room for further optimization in his own schedule.

-

[PREVIEW/COMPUTER SCIENCE]

During the brief half-hour period, Lucien typically uses the time to prepare for the upcoming class or visit the library to research and gather information.

In any case, that time should not be spent on arguing and explaining to people, like the enthusiastic campus volunteer in front of him.

"No, thank you. I'm not a high school student attending a summer camp. This is my student ID, and I'm indeed a student here, a graduate student. Yes, I'm not lost, and I need to get to my class. Can you please let me go?"

-

[COMPUTER SCIENCE]

Lucien presses the enter key, intending to ask the teacher if he can leave early once his coursework is done. However, the error message on the screen deters him from that thought. So, he sits back down and begins to examine it again.

But that's okay, he does understand the commonality between computer science and experimental research: it's often hard to know right away if the thing at hand will work, why it's not working, or even why it's even working.

-

[LAB]

Come on, come on, come on. After moving this box, there's another.

And after moving that box, there are three more to go.

The prospects for the future and the shine in one's eyes are often taken away by the God of research in such necessary yet mechanical repetitive work.

-

[LAB]

Lucien goes out to get some water and returns to find a school burger on his desk.

Colt, with dark circles under his eyes, waves at Lucien and saying, "No need to thank me, newcomer. Have some food, we might be staying here today."

Lucien quietly eats the burger, hesitant to tell Colt that he has spent more time in the laboratory than in the dorm.

-

[LAB]

When Dr. Lawson enters the laboratory, what he sees is a scene where his graduate and doctoral students are sleeping and sprawled all over the place.

On the laboratory whiteboard, several words were written in large letters: "Publish immediately! Guaranteed to be published in Nature!!"

Dr. Lawson retrieves small blankets from the cabinet, covering each of these research madmen.

He proceeds to organize the data and take over the finishing work on the project. Of course, when it comes to authorship in the paper, not a single one of these kids' names can be left out.

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

on the cusp between childhood and adulthood, the sudden onset of grief when you weren’t in the room where it happened, and the impossible art of growing up in a very short time: or, why the princess of france from love’s labour’s lost means a lot to me personally

on the heels of reading as the princess of france with @socialshakespeare

heads up, the rest of this is going to get Very Long Very Quickly, so i’m putting it under a cut. tw for discussions of cancer, parental death, and grief.

so when @socialshakespeare announced that it would be doing love’s labour’s lost this month, in the box where you can put any additional notes about your casting preferences, i pretty much begged the admins to let me have a turn as the princess of france. y’know, i said, as a sort of twenty-first birthday present. and i was cast as the princess of france! thank you, socshakes! <3

but there was a very specific reason why i asked to play the princess of france.

and that reason is simply: she reminds me of me. more particularly, she reminds me of me from 2020, but me from 2020 was really the germination point of me today.

“savannah, everyone changed in 2020, 2020 was a fucking unbelievable year and it changed us all. it changed our whole world.” yeah. i’m well aware. but there’s a specific reason for me.

***

see, in early 2020, i was having a pretty decent time, actually. it was my senior year of high school, i had a great group of friends (much like the princess had her three ladies except my core friend group was bigger than that), things with my family weren’t great but i knew that come august i would be able to move out.

that first period of covid was awful and it changed so much and at times it felt like i was having a mental breakdown, but it wasn’t what ultimately ripped me apart that year.

you see, in 2018, about a month before my fifteenth birthday, my father was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. for a good long while, though, it seemed like he might beat the odds. treatments were working, he went to one of the best hospitals in the country to get good care, and we believed that he just might make it.

and then in the summer of 2020, things rapidly took a turn for the worse.

on july 20, 2020, we all got sat down and told that the treatments weren’t working anymore, and they had elected to put my father on hospice care. i sobbed all that night and into the next morning, but i had a cashier job that summer at walmart. i was an essential worker and i had to power through.

in love’s labour’s lost, everyone knows even before the princess arrives that her father is extremely sick. for heaven’s sake, it’s why the princess is there in the first place instead of the king. and yet the princess powers through. there’s deals to be made, familial honor to be defended, and there’s also that tiny matter of falling in love and playing with the joy and laughter that come with it. and the princess embraces it.

she is young, she is optimistic, she is a bit sheltered maybe yet so smart, she has devoted friends, she has seemingly all the time in the world because no one knows when the time runs out so might as well believe it never will, right?

my high school graduation came five days later, on july 25. a rare opportunity to see friends then and, at long last, after a two-month delay and twelve years of study before that, a chance to celebrate. relatives came in. we had cake and flowers. we took photos on the soccer field in 90-degree weather but it didn’t matter because we were together and we were so full of joy on that blue-sky day.

and after that, only nineteen days until leaving. i had been counting the days for months, excited for new possibilities, not understanding the impact. it would be easy, i thought. all that needed done were to pack my bags and suitcases and buy some last-minute things, say my goodbyes for now to my favorite people, enjoy every moment i could, and wait in a haze of delightful agony and optimism until the morning of august 13 came.

this went as planned for about three days.

july 29, 2020, started like any other day. i got my things together, had an argument with my stepmom about doing the dishes (you said i can’t do the dishes when it’s late and everyone’s asleep after i get off work, when do you expect me to do them), decided to start the dishwasher right before i left for work (if she was mad about it, then she could unload the dishwasher as needed and we could have this conversation when i got home, i reasoned) and went to walmart for my shift that day. i cut one of my fingers on a taco seasoning packet, watched some of the salzburg 2007 production of berlioz’s benvenuto cellini on my lunch break, and in general otherwise it was a pretty normal shift. and like all normal shifts, i took my sweet time getting out and getting home.

at about 5:15 i was dawdling and trying to find an excuse to not get in my car just yet when i got a call from my stepmom that basically went like this:

me: hi

stepmom: hey. are you coming home yet?

me: i will be there in a little bit.

stepmom: it’s been raining so you need to be careful getting home.

me: it hasn’t rained that much and i know how to drive in the rain.

stepmom: just be careful getting home. bye.

so i sighed and went “well i can’t put this off any longer”, and got in my car and put some more berlioz on and drove home, thinking about how she sounded upset over the phone and oh i was going to get a tongue-lashing for leaving the dishes in the dishwasher all day.

and just as i was pulling up, i noticed my older brother’s truck outside. huh, i thought, that’s weird. why is he here?

i pulled into the driveway and saw my stepmom sitting on the step outside the side door by herself. two thoughts about what this meant went into my head at about the same time:

option 1: uh oh my stepmom is big mad and she waited out here just so she could tell me off right when i got home

option 2: uh oh my brother and my stepmom got into a fight again for whatever reason and she just can’t deal with it right now

(both of these, for the record, were entirely plausible things that could have happened)

so i parked and got out and decided to not commit to either of these but just play this very strange situation as coolly as possible. i believe my exact words were “hey, what are you doing out here by your lonesome?”

and like monsieur marcade, she could only get out a handful of words, and it was left to me to fill in the meaning.

the meaning: savannah, your father is dead.

and, to quote a different shakespeare play, “i must be from thence.”

my father died and i wasn’t there.

***

this is the same fate to befall the princess of france: her political mission mixed with girls’ trip has taken her to navarre, to a world full of annoying yet beloved men and delightful games and amateur theatre filled with passion. and then she learns that her father all the way in paris has died, and she wasn’t there.

now we don’t know what the princess’ relationship with her father was like; this is not something that is discussed at all in the play. but i know what my relationship with my father was like. we didn’t always understand each other or agree on everything, but i loved him. and in a childhood where the concept of family was a loose one due to an over decade-long stretch of family drama, he was the one constant.

and then four days after my high school graduation, he was simply gone, never to return.

now some folks will probably go back to those days of late july and early august 2020 and see that i posted exactly nothing about all this. why? i just needed a space where i could forget, where i could live in denial for a little longer, where i could cling to something in my life that wasn’t about this unimaginable loss until i couldn’t anymore.

living in the late 1500s, with a whole country to newly run, no social media, and a permanent existence in the public eye, the princess does not have this sort of escape. she knows right away the awful truth. it is inevitable; she must leave this happy sojourn, this newfound love.

her first line after she realizes her father is dead shows that plainly: “boyet, prepare. i will away tonight.” and even as she plans to shut herself up in a mourning-house, it is at the same time that she will be learning first hand how to run her kingdom.

sixteen days after my father’s death, i left home to learn how to live on my own. and even before that, i got only five days of bereavement leave from work, and i went back to work the day after my father’s funeral. let alone the rest of the frantic preparations for leaving home and starting a brand new life alone—in the middle of a pandemic and now, with this grief weighing on me.

life and the world do not wait for grief.

and sixteen days is too fast to grow up.

you can’t just flip the switch from child to adult, especially when you’re grieving.

and when the world forces you to do so, it is truly awful.

there’s no closure to it. as another character mourns in the closing moments of the play, “our wooing doth not end like an old play.” well, neither did the princess’ relationship with her father.

to continue with the shakespeare allusions, as much as i love and am heartbroken by the deathbed reconciliation between king henry iv and prince hal in henry iv, part 2 (a scene i was lucky to get to read with socshakes last september and which still lives in my head rent free), sometimes it simply doesn’t work out that way and you’re still left to pick up the pieces and forever wonder what might have been in those final moments on top of it.

living without that—without those answers, without closure, without any sort of comfort, on top of everything else—is so, so hard.

it is widely accepted that the love’s labour’s won mentioned in the catalogues is, in fact, a lost sequel and not an alternate name for any number of surviving shakespeare comedies. and while i have never found love in the manner of any shakespeare comedy, i believe nonetheless that i am living the princess’ story—a young woman, always grieving, trying to learn about life and figure out how to live it in a hostile world, trying to balance all the things, trying to come to terms with closure that will never come to her.

love’s labour’s lost fills me with an ache by the end. a true heartache, a deep emotional pain like few other stories i have ever come across. when i first saw it, i praised it for being messy and real. i saw me in it. i saw my own grief. i saw what i could have been, the kind of person i was before that fateful and fatal summer, the realization that we must leave that self behind because they can no longer navigate this new world, the not wanting to let go, the not understanding why but knowing you have to anyway. to know you have to take the other road.

***

recently, for a local exhibit, a museum asked people in the area to send in writing about their regrets, something they wished had happened differently. mine was eventually one of the ones selected for inclusion. here it is.

in another lifetime, i am there when my father dies.

i am there, holding his hand, feeling the blood that connects us rush through him, hearing his breaths—however shallow.

skin on skin.

i’m able to tell him one last time that i love him, i will always love him. perhaps through all the pain that comes with a pancreatic cancer diagnosis, the sleep-like state he was in for most of the last two days, he will hear me and even respond.

my family can all grieve together, knowing we all saw it happen and we all got a strange sort of closure.

my relationship with him on this earth would not feel like a perpetually unfinished story, with an ending written when i wasn’t even there.

but it is this lifetime.

someone once said grief is just love with no place to go. i believe that. and, well, this is my life. i have to muddle through and believe, make closure out of thin air and time, let love go nowhere and everywhere.

***

so, life imitates art and vice versa. and thank you @socialshakespeare for letting me have this story that has come to mean so much to me in the few short months since i first came across it. <3

[gayarograce]

vvvvvv speedrun category tier list

based on how fun i think they are to run

no out of bounds: probably what i would call my main category, probably because it's the one i find the most fun. this is probably because, unlike most of the other categories, it doesn't really have any dumb bullshit going on. s tier

100%: the longest category on this list. it winds up feeling similar to a no oob run. my only real complaint with this one is that to get a good time, a lot has to go right. there's quite a few difficult challenges with 100%-ing the game and you've gotta nail all of them while going fast. i really probably should put more practice into this category. a tier

glitchless: the first category i learned and ran. despite me putting it in b tier, if anyone wanted to learn to run vvvvvv, i'd direct them to learn this category first. i won't deny that there are some people who seem to like glitchless more than the glitched categories, but unfortunately i am not one of those people. my biggest issue with glitchless is the fact that we gotta do the gravitron now (this will be a recurring theme). b tier

no telejumping: this is basically what if no oob, but instead of skipping gravitron, you skip the first intermission instead, and also you have to end the run right after grav with some bullshit frame-perfect clip i really like to mess up apparently. c tier

any%: any% is basically a race to see who can get to gravitron the quickest, and then play it flawlessly (if you want a good time) and immediately after nail the clip mentioned for no tj. grav is an even bigger deal in this one because any% is quite a bit shorter than no tj. c tier

any% flip mode: what if any% but your muscle memory was fucked? c tier

credits warp: the quickest category on this list. probably interesting to watch once or twice, but trying to learn this category is a nightmare. in short, you've gotta manipulate your game state using a glitch called text storage, but there's certain states you gotta avoid, and also you can overshoot the state you're aiming for. also there's not really any way to tell what state you're in while trying to manipulate it, you've just gotta find a strategy that gets you to the state you need, and hope it works. d tier

doing things the hard way: hey look the category extension that i have a world record in. doesn't stop it from being my least favorite category by far tho. trying to grind for a lower time in this category is fun for all of five minutes. then it becomes akin to literal torture. at the top level, this run is 82-83 seconds long. ~20 of those seconds are spent mashing through the opening cutscene of the game. every time you reset, you've gotta mash through the opening cutscene. and also if you're mashing isn't fast enough you should just reset. which means you gotta mash through the opening cutscene again, hopefully faster this time. with how optimized this category is, you've gotta play damn near perfectly to bring the time lower. because of this, there's so much tiny dumb bullshit that will instantly kill a dtthw run. and you know what that means: back to the opening cutscene with you! fuck this category. but also i'll absolutely keep occasionally doing hour-long sessions of grinding dtthw, because one of these days i'm bound to get the near-perfect run that i'm after. d tier

[intertexts]

YAYYYY YOU KNOW DAKOTA BACKSTORY NOW <333 YOU MADE IT !!!!!!

EPISODE 19 + 20 TRIVIA:

- they are all. so very sad. let me play you a song on the worlds tiniest violin

- charlie: "im angling my mic so i can lay on the ground"

- after 5 minutes of just going "im sad" "im sad" "me too" they are FINALLY talking about the episodes

- SUMMER AND DOUG !!!!!!!!!! ohhh i love them they are important 2 me

- the other heroes with summer and doug were fan created!!! the one with black and white hair is Portalgeist (teleportation power), the one with the green visor is Valence (no mention on their power), and then the pink one with the mask is Sleepyhead (sleep/illusion/dream powers) :]

- grizzly: "im glad the water thing worked!! william was proud of me because i didnt rush in and that meant a lot"

- "there is a reason dakota thinks there are three different summers and not just one summer, i think it'll probably come up when we meet the doctor" << HELLO??? i dont actually remember this. omg

- "i hope le frog can finally move on and get over us now. hes their problem now" MEAN 2 HIM !!!!!!

- william figuring out how to neutralize the demons........ woag (on that note he said his original intention was to turn it into a wisp. do with that what you will)

- moving onto 20 woooooo everyone sad again!

- bizly: "i have gone over it in my head a thousand times how i would present her and everything, i hope i did it some sort of justice because every time ive thought about it since you originally told that idea it has made me *this sad*"

- "DAKOTA COLE CHARACTER STUDY EPISODE" << this is such a huge win for me

- "dakota has been very scared to go see his aunt for a very long time. i dont think he ever would have done that alone. i almost wanted him to say that to you guys in the episode but i dont think he wouldve even processed it enough to admit that yet"

- condi and charlie both said they didnt really know what to say in character a lot kf the time but then they realized they didnt really have to say anything, the important part was that the characters where physically there for dakota in that moment

- grizzly: "i mean im sure it was a huge surprise for william and vyncent not just the scenario itself because dakota never talked about it, but the fact that i dont think theyve seen him get emotional like that. its always been sort of over the top righteous anger and never anything this soft or quiet" (charlie: im curling up in a ball on the floor)

- DAKOTA DAMASCUS !!!!!!!!!!!

- they (bizly and grizzly) were a little nervous about how well this was gonna play out because its such a direct real life kind of issue, but they both really like that it adds such a huge layer to dakotas character

- bizly: "i mean, you have this guy- both of his parents were literally killed in the wake of a superhero fight and he STILL grows up with the mindset of 'i wanna be a superhero!' and just this unwavering optimism and urge to do the right thing"

- condi: "i cant wait for us to get into william shit too i reaaally wanna get into whats going on with him"

charlie: "huh? what william stuff?"

condi, suddenly SUPER AGGRESSIVE: "I wanna go to *FUCKING DEADWOOD*"

- grizzly: "i mean william is scared of facing things so part of dakotas whole goal with this was to face something he was really scared of doing to hopefully inspire william to do the same"

- charlie: "i think ive said this before but i think william sees dakota as... making it. into the prime force, as a superhero, just as The Guy who stands out above us all, right. i think he sees dakota making it out of all of this. i don't think he sees that for himself."

grizzly: "dakota Will Not make it to that point without dragging william and vyncent up with him. hes not gonna leave them behind for anything"

- "there are a lot of things william would pry into way too much, i mean its literally on his sheet as one of his complications, but i dont think he would ever pry about this unless dakota brought it up first and wanted to talk about it" aaaahhh the ghostkicksisms

- bizly had said someone had been in the apartment recently, which was weird because his aunt has been in rehab for a WHILE. grizzly doesnt even know who it couldve been

- they said they intentionally kept the details of her rehab sort of vague, they didnt want to get too into the descriptions of it bc that would be too real and too heavy and they wouldnt want to represent anything like that in a poorly handled way. generally though she is there for addiction/alcoholism

- "how pissed would you guys be if we got to the end of the campaign and le frog was the final boss" and they all get VERY GENUINELY ANNOYED JUST AT THE THOUGHT OF THAT POSSIBILITY "bizly i would leave. i would quit"

- charlie: "i have NOTABLY *not* been using a secret identity for a LONG time. because i think william stopped taking the whole hero thing seriously, he doesnt see a point in it anymore"

- bizly says they have already met who he plans to be the final villain of the whole campaign!! theyre trying to guess now, charlie says it would be cool if it was mark (holy shit), grizzly says mal !!!! he thinks mal is going to take the tricksters power in some way. he also jokingly said it would be funny if harlem shade turned out to be the main bad guy because he would have fun playing him as a villain. (condi had to leave early so he doesnt get a guess) . charlie says they all have their own Big Villains right now (wiwi has mal, vyncent has the lich, grizzly doesnt have one yet but he probably will eventually), but he doesnt necessarily see mal becoming THE villain. neither of them think the trickster is going to be the main villain since the whole point of season 2 has been to get ashe back

- GRIZZLY ADMITS HE THINKS MARK IS A REDEEMABLE CHARACTER. WIN !!!!!!!!!!!

DAKOTA CHARACTER STUDY WHOOOOO!!!!!! I MADE IT!!!!!!! a little blood covered and trembling but i made it!!! also jesus i have a BACKLOG of trivia u sent me i wanna talk about so bad... thank u king btw. its so fucking awesome 2 finish an episode & then receive so much trivia about it. fuck yes a little bowl of seeds for me (<- can't stop fucking saying that now!!)

I LOOVE the prime rifterssss i love fan created characterssss theyre so good!!! man. i love summer and doug. yeah even doug. also YEAH the reason he fucking thinks there's three summers is because he has FUCKING BRAIN DAMAGE from ONE MILLION CONCUSSIONS and JUMPING OFF A SKYSCRAPER and being EXPERIMENTED ON!!!!! NKDFKDFGHfgk. or at least. thats what i think.

i also thought he was gonna turn it into a wisp!!!!!!! i was so surprised when it didnt work... my assumption is that they were like, different variants of the same thing, whatever that thing fucking is. which. i guess is maybe not true!! wild.

FEELING INSANE OVER EPISODE 20. LIKE. IN GENERAL. joining charlie in a fucking ball on the floor tbh. what i will say before i spend like, a fucking week sorting through my thoughts & shit is that i do think they did a really good job w/ handling the addiction plot point... whenever anything like that comes up it really is always a crapshoot of like oh okay is this going to be unintentionally shitty to addicts. is this going to be wildly inaccurate. is it going to be ableist. etc etc etc. & i think the vague and blurry brushstrokes that they Did draw were really well done... more specific detail wouldn't have carried nearly as much weight as that description of their trashed rotting apartment & the way they reacted 2 seeing each other !!! wails and cries and throws up.

ALSO, the way his parents were killed feels like such a fucking missing piece slotting into place for his character? i had figured that-- ok i knew his parents were dead & i also knew he'd had.. personal experience with the um. violent and dangerous area of effect superheroism has. but knowing they were collateral damage in that umm. knockoff darkseid? darkstar? fight makes so much sense irt his perception of heroism & not wanting to be responsible for deaths. god.

& ummm i'm feeling fucking normal about "he sees dakota making it out of all this, he doesn't see that for himself." & "he doesn't see a point in the superhero thing anymore" like, we knew that already. but. doesn't make it easier to hear!! MORALLY AMBIGUOUS VIGILANTE WILLIAM WISP WHEN.

i have no idea who the bbeg is gonna be dude. oh my god. its gonna end up being fucking alan (allen??) or something. it's gonna be one of the s5. this is amogus now. anyway. GOOD EPISODE!!!

[lapdogchase]

i have been deeply appreciating ur TGI posting and was wondering what ur fave songs off of it are !! - mare

HI MARE im free from academia for the day (FINALLY) so i can answer this yayayaayy

as of right now. and this is in album order And im about to list off like a good third of the album sorry in advance but: only girl living in la, dog years, letter to god 1974, letter to god 1983, darwinism, lonely is the muse, and life of the spider

first of all. only girl living in la is an INSANE way to start an album. Like i knew i was absolutely in for it seeing the track list and that we were Starting with a 6 minute long song i was like Oh she loves me specifically she knew id been tormented by songs that are 2 minutes long for too long. i dont think ive ever finished the first song on an album and been, like, scared to listen to the rest of it before (good thing)

dog years. i canteven say anything yet Like theres no words. probably one of my favorites out of my favorites

letter to god 1974 and letter to god 1983 are twins to me. (well triplets shoutout letter to god 1998 no disrespect to my girl its just the first two are my faves personally) Thank u halsey for addressing the "wanting to get really sick so people would pay attention to you" to "getting really sick and it turns out people kinda dont gaf if ur in ur 20s about it" pipeline

hometown- is anyone else trying so hard to escape their hometown or is it just me and halsey and gerard "i know im never getting out of belleville" way. also i love her voice on this one

darwinism- i was reading it as being about physical disability but apparently she said it was about neurodivergence either way is anybody else feeling ostracized from the rest of society or is it just me and halsey out here

lonely is the muse- INSANE FUCKING SONG vocally lyrically musically everything. when i found out there was gonna be a Whole Album and lonely is the muse was on it i realized i was going to die.and then i did. <3

life of the spider- i knew there was a tori amos song on the album and the one tori amos song im really familiar with is me and a gun so of course i was terrified .and i was right to be. love a song i cant listen to without having a panic attack one of my favorite genres. insanely haunting song i cant really listen to this one casually yet or possibly ever i have to like sit down and prepare. this morning i saw a spider in my bathroom and started crying. tomorrow more of the same. "favorite" not in the way where i listen to it a lot favorite in the way where i can barely listen to it at all

also one more thing i feel like in general the album is organized very well does that make sense. like the songs are in a specific order that is good and makes sense. only girl living in la -> ego -> dog years -> letter to god 1974 is an insane run of songs generally let alone first on the album but also it like. makes sense why theyre in that order. also darwinism -> lonely is the muse -> arsonist -> life of the spider i can say the same of. like yeah thats the exact order those songs should go in. this is really not a Shuffling Album to me at ALL theres a specific order they all go in and i really like that Bc half the time These Days it feels like everythings so focused on having 2 minute long songs with 15 second clips that blow up on tiktok that its always nice to have an album thats like. Ok thankgod they actually give a fuck about this and its not optimized for social media analytics

thank u for reading My essay ^___^<3 u sent this 5 hours ago when i was working on my school stuff and i waslike oh thank god i get to talk about music later. A little treat for meeee to rewind and such.And then immediately i wrote A lot of sentences but, like, for fun this time so it counts as Rewinding

[ageless-aislynn]

Click pictures to make bigger 😎

1. Classic pinstripe suit, bald with sunglasses - The look of a dapper businessman who also slaughters evil in his spare time.

2. All black suit, no tie, bald with sunglasses - The Angel of Death has no tie. The Angel of Death NEEDS no tie.

3. White dress shirt with tie, black dress pants and glasses - Could it be... Clark Kent? No, friends, it is just Frank West, photojournalist.

4. Pink dress shirt with tie, white dress pants and hat - There might be a zombie apocalypse but that's no excuse to stop working on your golf swing while looking like a fine gentleman at the same time.

5. Classic little black dress with deep v-neck and white shirt - It's classic for a reason. Also, please note the sensible shoes, suitable for stomping zombies and running for your life.

6. No shirt, dual ammo bandoliers, camo pants, bald with sunglasses - Rambo? Never heard of him. I bet he's a fine fellow, though. Frank probably wouldn't mind having him at his back while they're handling this pesky zombie horde problem.

7. Orange prison jumpsuit - The biggest crime of all is not being able to profess his love for Leah. 💘

8. No shirt, boxers, and police hat - For your next party, call 1-888-HOT-OFFICER-WEST for all of your exotic dancer needs! 😇

9. Yellow suit and hockey mask - No, the giant gun isn't compensating for anything. I'm not sure why you'd even ask that...? 🤔😜 An appropriately chaotic look for a chaotic time.

10. Wrestler trunks - Brand loyalty. Frank has it. Also, cake? Frank has that, too. 😇 I ❤️ one (1) photojournalist who was built to be a brawler. 😍😍😍

Brad looks like he spends a LOT of time questioning Frank's common sense fashion sense, doesn't he? 😂😂😂

Yes, friends, I've decided to tackle one of THE most time-consuming video game achievements out there: Dead Rising's 7 Day Survivor. It requires 14 uninterrupted hours to complete. You cannot save. You cannot quit and come back later to pick up where you left off. Frank's health constantly depletes so you have to scavenge for food (which does NOT respawn) or he can starve to death every 20 minutes. The survivors have turned on you and will kill you on sight. The psychopaths are no longer in their usual spawn locations. The zombies will munch you relentlessly. You die, your run is done. Your power goes off, your PC/console crashes, you fall asleep, you get distracted, you're done.

So why do I want to do it? 🤔

Because it's the only achievement I don't have (technically, there's also 5 Day Survivor in there as well, but if you get 7 Day, you'll have gotten 5 Day along the way). Because I love this game so much. It brings me so much silly joy. Because I want to see if my strategy will work.

Because I want to know that I can.

So! Help me pick from some of my favorite looks for Frank. We want to look strong, ready to kick zombie butt and to survive for a week under very hostile conditions in the Willamette Mall.

I'm currently writing up my strategy, including food locations, survivor and psychopath spawn times, and an optimal path to take through the mall with the best places (aka that have doors you can shut) for Frank to stay safe with his stashes of food. Then I'm going to print it because I'm just That Way™️and want a physical copy to refer to once I start this. I'm not chancing minimizing the game to open a file or to watch a tutorial video. Georgette and I are FOCUSED on success!

Me and Georgette, our hands joined in a solemn pact to keep Frank alive for 14 hours. (O hai, Eobard, wish us luck, hm, buddy? 😉)

14 hours, girl, we can do it! I've got the support of my family, just got to let them know when I start. I can pause the game to eat and things like that but I don't want to leave it paused any longer than necessary. The in-game clock stops at the same time so you're just adding more overall hours by pausing.

Wish me luck, friends! I'm not sure what day I'll be doing this but it'll be soon! 🤞😣🤞

[greenandhazy]

I thought I had found the perfect apartment and I was going to be like the first person to tour, but then the tour had to be rescheduled twice because of timing issues on their end, and then I fucking. Forgot to confirm the new rescheduled date, despite having it on my calendar for a week and a half. Which I only found out after I paid $20 for a Lyft to get me there on time in the middle of the workday (working from home this afternoon) and it’s been half an hour but they haven’t replied to my email BEGGING to reschedule as soon as possible.

And I literally just threw myself on the bed and cried over it, because increasingly I’m become aware of the fact that every aspect of my life is being negatively affected by my lack of control over my living situation, which isn’t even THAT BAD but is just… not optimal for allowing me to function and I don’t know how to fix it. And I am juuuuust on the edge of being able to afford living on my own which means options like this are SCARCE.

Anyway. That’s it. Just feeling sad and miserable over here for a minute, constantly reloading my email.

[remyfire]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

I was tagged by @quordleona03! Thank you so much for the tag I know lots of people have already been tagged, so consider this a formal request that if you have NOT been tagged, you please come play! But off the top of my head, @onekisstotakewithme @cuddleswinchester @dreamingofspring :D

How many works do you have on Ao3?

40.

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

I think we might officially be leaving 2023 with 300,842 words. Not a bad count for only publishing since April! That's a novella a month right there.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

MASH. :D

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Scratching The Itch, Can't Take My Eyes Off You, To Have and To Hold, Anything You Say Can and Will Be Held Against You, and Tear Out All Your Tenderness. Good morning beejhawk nation I see you all hkdfds

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! Sometimes they pile up and I get overwhelmed and just click that "Mark All As Read" button while hiding behind my hand. But I really try to circle through nowadays even just for a "Thanks for reading!!" because I really appreciate every single one!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I feel like ...With Too Many Miles Between Us was a pretty rough one. There's maybe optimism that you can read through the cracks, but it was a damn agonizing prompt fill (affectionate) all around. The Good Ones Always Seem to Break is another. Sorry that I keep putting you in situations, Beej.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oughhhh, just about anything that suggests they don't end here, so to speak. I think To Have and To Hold probably tops the list, but I Intend to Hold You For the Longest Time and Soft Place to Land also come in hot just by nature of being established postwar situations.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet! I've had a couple of people not understand what I was going for and who were not afraid of saying so, but it wasn't outright hate. They were probably just not the intended audience.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Ahh yes. 65% of my current fics are rated E for a reason, and the 5 M ones are flirting with that line.

I categorize myself as an erotic romance writer, meaning that typically if you remove my sex scenes from my fics, you are losing integral information or character/relationship development that would otherwise make the fic not stand on its own. I also have a handful that are just pure erotica—sex for titillation's sake rather than development. I adore writing smut!! It's a lot of fun, it's exciting when you know you've landed it exactly like you wanted to, and it's a way for me to reclaim all those years I spent being forcibly repressed due to my religious upbringing. I love every minute of it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do not!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

The Famous 4077 Dog Tag Party certainly counts! Many of us authors randomized a list of pairings for both eras of the show, and then we were responsible for picking a pairing, writing the characters going on a date (platonic or romantic), and seeing what happened. Extremely fun way to get some rare pairs we might not have expected. For example, I got to write Margie/Klinger for it!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Hey now I am too fucking polyam to answer this and you know it. Mcpunnihawk probably tops the list, warring with margbeej and sidbeejhawk.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I am not taking this defeatist energy into 2024, how dare you. One day, my pretties, I'm coming back for all of you and we are crossing that finish line OR ELSE.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Smut, capturing character voices accurately, physicality, spinning relational scenarios on the fly.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Genres like mystery or sci-fi or horror, repetition of comfort words/phrases, putting my characters through significant levels of pain (I am too empathetic, I can and will cry over my own fics).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Things that I do not feel comfortable doing myself because I am not familiar enough with any other language to know I'm doing it accurately.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The kid wizard one.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

How dare you make me pick from my children. Scratching The Itch, Anything You Say Can and Will Be Held Against You, I'd Give Up Forever to Touch You, and Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures. Notably this could all change by this time tomorrow. I'm very fond of my fics.

[welcome-to-roomba-fazbender]

Charlie read us the bee movie script

"FUCK YOU"

"I'M READING THE ENTIRE"

"MY OCTOPUS TEACHER TRANSCRIPT"

WARNING: VERY LONG POST

"A lot of people say that an octopus is like an alien.

But the strange thing is, as you get closer to them,

you realize that we're very similar in a lot of ways.

You're stepping into this completely different world.

Such an incredible feeling.

And you feel you're on the brink of something extraordinary.

But you realize that there's a line that can't be crossed.

It's quite a long time ago now, that day when it all started.

This place on the tip of Africa is known as the Cape of Storms.

My childhood memories are completely dominated

by the rocky shore, the intertidal and the kelp forest.

We had this little wooden bungalow,

literally below the high-water mark.

So when those huge storms used to come in,

the ocean used to smash the doors down and fill up the bottom of the house.

So it was incredibly exciting as a child

to literally live in the force of that giant Atlantic Ocean.

Most of my childhood was spent in the rock pools,

diving in the shallow kelp forest.

That's what I most loved to do.

As an adult, I'd been separated from that.

And that was fine at first.

Until I went to the central Kalahari about 20 years ago.

I was making a film called The Great Dance with my brother.

And then I met these men

who were probably some of the best trackers in the world.

To watch these men...

go into the incredible, subtle signs in nature,

things that my eye couldn't even see,

and then follow them, sometimes for hours,

and find hidden animals in the landscape

was just extraordinary to witness.

I mean, they just were inside of the natural world.

And I could feel I was outside.

And I had this deep longing to be inside that world.

I went through two years of absolute hell.

I had been working hard for a long time,

I'd just worn myself out.

I hadn't slept properly for months.

My family was suffering.

And I was getting sick from all the pressure.

My mind couldn't deal with all that stuff.

And I didn't wanna see a camera or an edit suite ever again.

I couldn't even face that.

Your great purpose in life is now...

just in pieces.

And you've got this young child that's growing up.

Tom.

I just couldn't, in that state, be a good father to my son.

I had to have a radical change.

And I took inspiration from my childhood,

and I took inspiration from these master trackers

I worked with in the Kalahari.

And the only way I knew how to do it was to...

be in this ocean.

In the beginning, it's a hard thing to get in the water.

It's one of the wildest, most scary places to swim on the planet.

The water drops to as low as eight, nine degrees Celsius.

The cold takes your breath away.

And you just have to relax.

And then you'll get this beautiful window of time

for 10, 15 minutes.

Suddenly...

everything feels okay.

The cold upgrades the brain because you're getting this flood of chemicals

every time you immerse in that cold water.

Your whole body comes alive.

And then, as your body adapts, it just becomes easier and easier.

And eventually...

after about a year...

you start to crave the cold.

What's so amazing about this environment

is you're in a three-dimensional forest,

and you can jump off the top and go wherever you want.

You're flying, basically.

You might as well be on another planet.

You naturally just get more relaxed in the water.

You get to be able to hold your breath for longer.

Having a scuba t*nk in a thick kelp forest

is not optimal for me.

I want to be more like an amphibious animal.

Instinctively, I knew not to wear a wet suit.

If you really wanna get close to...

an environment like this,

it helps tremendously to have no barrier to that environment.

And I suddenly realized I've got energy to take images and film again...

and then picked up my camera again

and started doing the thing I love and what I know.

The animals are extremely exotic and strange.

It's, like, much more extreme than our maddest science fiction.

I remember that day when it all started.

I found this very, very special area

that is protected with a big piece of kelp forest,

'cause the forest itself actually dampens the swell.

And the whole forest around there

is absolutely murky, and you can't see a thing.

And in this little 200-meter patch, you can dive

and observe.

And it's an incredible place.

And I remember there was this strange shape to my left

and just going down...

and seeing this really strange thing.

The fish even seemed to be confused.

And then, suddenly...

At the time, I didn't know

I'd witnessed something extraordinary.

I'd come in at the end of a whole drama.

You think, "What on earth is this animal doing?"

And I think she was a little bit afraid of me,

so she lifted this incredibly slippery...

piece of algae that you can hardly hold with your hands

and just wrapped it in this extraordinary cloak around her

and then stared at me out of the little gap.

And then, boom, you know, she was gone.

It's a hard thing to explain,

but sometimes you just get a feeling,

and you know

there's-- there's something to this creature that's very unusual.

There's something to learn here.

There's something special about her.

And then I had this crazy idea.

What happens if I just went every day?

What happens if I... I never missed a day?

And, initially, she was clearly being affected by my presence,

so I thought, "I'll leave the camera there,

and then that will record her going about her business."

She sees this shiny new thing in the forest.

Coming at it with a shield,

just in case it att*cked, and put up the shield.

This is something different. This is interesting.

Touching it, feeling it, tasting it.

If she was in a playful mood, you couldn't leave it there for too long.

She'd just pull the thing over.

It took going in every day to really get to know her environment better.

Initially, it all just seems like much of the same thing.

But then, after a while, you see all the different types of the forest.

You get the old-growth forest.

You get the forest with a lot of different algae growing in the bottom.

You get the misty forest.

As I started to map the environment around her den,

it was shocking to see small caves really close to her,

packed with pyjama sharks.

And they really are her most serious predator.

Their skin is striped. That's why they're called a pyjama shark.

They're not visual predators.

But they have an incredible sense of smell.

And they are particularly aggressive.

They can shove their noses into a small cr*ck.

So they are deadly little octopus predators.

And I was thinking, "Well, how long before something happens with these animals?"

After visiting her more and more and more,

there was a definite moment where...

that fear had subsided tremendously.

She'd see big movement,

and she'd be slightly afraid and then look, "Oh, it's him."

And she'd come out and be very curious.

Very interested, very curious, but not taking stupid chances.

Keeping all the other arms attached to the den

and the suckers in place.

And then it just happens.

I put my hand out a tiny bit.

Something happens when that animal makes contact.

But, at some point, you're gonna have to breathe.

So you've got to very gently

prize off those suckers

without disturbing her,

so that you can actually go up and take a breath.

By far the most powerful

is when it comes out the den

because that's when you know there's full trust.

There's no holding the arms back just in case I have to pull back.

It's like, "I totally trust this human,

and I'm coming out of the den,

and I'm gonna go about my business."

I started to see pretty extraordinary things.

They can look spiky. They can look smooth.

Grow horns on their heads.

They can match color, texture, pattern, skin.

It's beautiful.

Most of the time, she's jetting or crawling or swimming.

But occasionally,

two legs come out.

She walks.

And off she goes, striding away,

walking bipedally.

She puts her body into this strange posture that kind of looks like a rock.

And then two of those arms underneath slowly moving,

so the rock is just slowly moving away.

And then she changes

into this extraordinary, wobbly, flowy old lady in a dress.

Perhaps she's trying to mimic

kelp or algae moving in the swell...

and, at the same time, is slowly moving away.

And this is how she works.

This incredible creativity to deceive.

An octopus is essentially a snail that's lost its shell in evolution.

A very fragile, liquid, soft animal

that relies on tremendous intelligence.

She's got no mother or father to teach her anything. She's alone.

'Cause you've got all these different types of predators, all hunting her.

So, over millions of years, she's had to...

come up with the most incredible methods to deceive them.

And she's got to learn fast because

she's only got just over a year to live.

When you're diving alone, everything about my kit has to be perfect.

And I've gotta be prepared for all eventualities.

I can't be fiddling around. It's gotta be instinctive.

But, at that point, I was making a lot of mistakes.

One day, she was following me.

And that's the most incredible thing, is to be followed by an octopus.

You know, you're just backing away, moving backwards,

and this incredible animal is coming towards you.

And there's not a lot of fear in it at all.

It's curious, and there's trust,

and it's like this fantastic feeling.

And then, bam!

I dropped one of my lenses,

and that thing falling quickly just startles that animal.

And then it turns and rushes, and it's got a huge fright.

And you just... you wanna kick yourself, because it's, you know...

That could have ended in the most incredible interaction and deep trust,

and you've ruined it.

Now, you know, have you ruined it forever?

Uh, is that animal ever gonna trust you?

Has that... has that experience freaked it out too much?

And then I approached her too fast.

And that's when she left the den and got a real fright...

and didn't come back to that den.

And I thought this was over.

She was gone.

I'd had this experience with these incredible San master trackers.

I just thought, "I wonder if anybody could ever track anything underwater?"

This animal has spent millions of years learning to be impossible to find.

I had to learn what octopus tracks looked like.

And that was very frustrating at first, so difficult to discern.

What's the difference between octopus tracks

and heart urchin tracks

and fish tracks...

and worm tracks?

And the predation marks.

The egg casings.

I needed to learn everything.

And then you have to start thinking...

like an octopus.

It's like being a detective.

And you just slowly get all your clues together.

And then I started to...

make breakthroughs.

"Okay, those are the animals she's k*lling."

So I'm looking at kills. I'm looking at little marks, diggings in the sand,

little changes in the algal patterns where she's been moving.

And then knowing, "Okay, this animal is very close now.

It's close. It's within one or two meters."

And then focusing on that small space.

And then, bang!

She's there.

Finally, after looking for her for a week, day after day,

there she was.

It's like a...

a human friend, like, waving and saying, "Hi, I'm excited to see you."

And I could feel it, like from one minute to the next,

"Okay, I trust you. I trust you, human.

And now you can come into my octopus world."

And she's moving towards me.

And my natural instinct is...

to gently back away.

And then I just wanted to keep still, so I held onto a rock.

She just kept coming...

and then covered my whole hand.

I'd been underwater for quite a long time,

so I just gently pushed for the surface, thinking she would move off my hand.

But she didn't. She just rode on my hand right to the surface.

There I was, just staring into the eyes of this incredible creature.

It was difficult to imagine at first

that she was getting anything out of the relationship.

Why would a wild animal, doing its thing,

get anything out of this

strange human creature visiting?

And this is where it gets interesting.

I think quite stimulating for that huge intelligence.

Somehow, she realizes this thing is not dangerous,

so you go and you interact with this human.

And perhaps it does give you some strange octopus level of joy.

When you have that connection with an animal

and have those experiences, it's absolutely mind-blowing.

There's no greater feeling on earth.

The boundaries between her and I seemed to dissolve.

Just the pure magnificence of her.

All I could do at the time was just think of her.

In the water and on land.

I mean, it just became a bit of an obsession.

You just want to visit her every day and see what's going on.

You can't wait to get back in the water.

What goes through her mind? What's she thinking?

Does she dream? If she dreams, what does she dream about?

She just ignited my curiosity in a way that I had not experienced before.

It's very useful to come back home

and try and read as many scientific papers as possible.

She's a common octopus.

Octopus vulgaris is the scientific name.

Two-thirds of her cognition

is actually outside of her brain, in her arms.

Her entire being is thinking, feeling, exploring.

She's got 2,000 suckers, and she's using all of them independently.

How do you do that?

Imagine having 2,000 fingers.

You can compare her intelligence to a cat or a dog

or even to one of the lower primates.

A mollusk shouldn't be this intelligent.

So many times I'd go and search through the scientific papers,

looking for the strange thing I'd seen.

And then you'd just come up absolutely blank. There's nothing.

You're going into a place that's under-studied,

and, almost on a weekly basis, you can find out something new to science.

According to the literature, octopus are supposed to be a nocturnal species.

Now, was she more active at night?

It was a little bit scary in the dark.

These incredible sounds of the humpback whales

coming through the water.

You're on hyperalert.

I couldn't find her. She wasn't in her den.

I'd kind of given up and was going back to the shore.

Something just made me veer slightly to the left.

And there she is...

right in extremely shallow water.

Can't see what she's doing.

These lightning-fast strikes.

Using her arm like this strange w*apon.

Just rolling it up in this fraction of a second.

And I saw her catch three fish like this.

I'd never seen her catching a fish during the day.

Super dangerous out in the deeper forest at night,

so this incredibly clever animal retreats to the shallows,

where it's difficult for these sharks to get to,

and takes advantage of all the wonderful food available there.

The first instinct is to try and scare the sharks away.

But then you realize

that you'd be interfering with the whole process of the forest.

She was out of the den, moving around near the edge of the forest.

I noticed...

the shark.

Body was slightly hunched forward and was following the scent trail.

This is not good.

I think, "Thank God she's safe. She's right under the rock."

These things are coming right into that cr*ck.

And the next minute, the shark is actually clamped down on one of her arms,

doing this terrifying death roll.

And I can clearly see...

her severed arm in its mouth.

You had that terrible feeling in your stomach.

And thank God she managed to get really deep in that cr*ck.

She was moving very badly, slowly, very weak.

She's bleeding. That smell's in the water.

There's quite a distance to the den.

Are these sharks gonna pitch up again?

I thought about helping her back physically to the den.

But, luckily, I didn't need to.

I didn't know...

what was gonna happen to her or if this would make her weak and vulnerable,

and they'd finish her off that night.

And I couldn't help feeling...

had I been responsible for this?

Was she out because I was there?

I felt very vulnerable.

As if somehow what happened to her had happened to me in some strange way.

And then this almost felt, psychologically, like I was...

going through a type of dismembering.

You start thinking about your own death and your own vulnerability,

worried about your family, your child.

I hadn't been a person that was overly sentimental towards animals before.

I realized I was changing.

She was teaching me to become sensitized to the other.

Especially wild creatures.

A scary feeling, going into the water early the next day.

I was very relieved that she was alive, breathing.

She's so weak that she can't make those vibrant colors of a healthy octopus,

and she's just dull and white.

And now I'm worried, "How is she getting food?"

You are crossing a line

when you interfere in the lives of animals.

But I was just too overcome

with my feelings for her.

I don't think it really helped.

And she's right at the back of the den, you know, just not moving much.

I was just checking every day to see if she was okay,

wondering, "Is this the last day? Am I not gonna see her?"

The big relief came a week or so later,

and I could see it had sort of healed over pretty fast.

And then the most amazing thing, to see this...

tiny little miniature, perfect miniature arm...

starting to grow back.

And it gave me a strange sort of confidence

that she can get past this incredible difficulty.

And I felt, in my life, I was getting past the difficulties I had.

In this strange way, our lives were mirroring each other.

My relationship with people, with humans was changing.

My son, at this stage, was very interested in everything underwater.

And every day, I'd tell him the stories.

He'd seen her. He'd met her.

I'd taken him so many times.

The arm becomes pretty functional,

even when it's half grown.

And then, slowly, as the arm grew, she grew her confidence back.

Eventually, about 100 days later, that arm had fully regrown.

An amazing feeling to think that this animal is capable of that

and can withstand such an att*ck and fully recover.

After a while, she was just carrying on with her normal activities,

so I then started a whole new development

of seeing even deeper into her world.

It was a nice, calm, clear day.

She comes around a corner and spots a crab.

The problem when you're a crab,

you're being now hunted by a liquid animal.

She can pour herself through a tiny little cr*ck.

And the crab seems to sense her

and goes and hides underneath a big, poisonous anemone.

And then she waits and hides.

And then the crab thinks, "Okay, everything's all right,"

and makes the mistake of leaving that anemone.

She's quite a messy eater.

Bits going everywhere. The smell's going out.

And then you just look around, and you see these brittle stars,

surprisingly fast, just being drawn to her.

Just a mass of them sort of overwhelm her,

and she doesn't seem sure of what to do or how to deal with them.

So I thought, "Yeah, this is like a real problem now.

She's always gonna have this problem of brittle stars taking all her food."

Not that long in the future,

she's thought, "Okay, brittle stars are stealing my food,"

and has this amazing method of just picking them up with her suckers

and gently just throwing them out the den.

Now she's completely the boss.

She initially adopted the same method to crab hunting with lobster.

You just suddenly see...

lobsters just sh**ting out of the reef.

I'm thinking now, "She's definitely gonna catch this one."

Time and time again, they just evade her.

And then, a couple of weeks later,

watching her coming round the side,

corralling me so that

she can then get between the lobster and myself.

Using me as part of her hunting strategy.

And instead of that messy lunge...

throwing her web over the top.

And then there's nowhere for it to go.

This is an animal that is strategizing

and working out very quickly how best to hunt a very tricky prey.

A lot of her intelligence is built

from the sheer number of prey that she has to catch.

All sorts of animals.

All the mollusks she is capturing, they're quite easy to catch,

but they've got these incredibly hard shells.

Now, how the hell does she k*ll and eat them?

At the base of all those arms,

there's a drill that can drill through hard shell

and then drop venom in there, like a snake,

and see how that mollusk reacts.

But some of these mollusks will only relax

if that drill is precisely in the apex of the shell,

on the abductor muscle.

She basically has to do geometry

to work out exactly the precise spot where she needs to drill that shell

in order to get her food.

This is high-level invertebrate intelligence.

Her ability to learn and remember details.

And it h*t me how she was teaching me so much.

You just can't wait to get up in the morning, 'cause there's so much to do

to understand every little tiny mark,

every little behavior,

every species and what they're doing, how they're interacting.

People ask, "Why are you going to the same place every day?"

But that's when you see the subtle differences.

And that's when you get to know the wild.

So when these thousands of threads going off from the octopus

to all the other animals, predator and prey,

and then this incredible forest,

um, just nurturing all of this.

And now I know how the helmet shell is connected to the urchin

and how the octopus is connected to the helmet shell.

And as I draw all these lines,

all these stories are just being thrown up.

It's almost like the forest mind.

I really could feel it. That big creature.

It was thousands of times more awake and intelligent than I am.

This is like a giant underwater brain operating over millions of years.

And it just keeps everything in balance.

Everything seemed, at this point...

sort of perfect in the forest.

And, of course, you know...

...you've forgotten...

those predators are ever present.

Just have this...

burnt in my memory, this, like, huge shark just suddenly approaching her.

She kept still and tried to hide.

Then you just saw the shark swimming on the periphery, picking up her scent.

And I thought, "Oh, no, this is this whole...

nightmare happening again."

She jets up in the canopy,

and she's wrapping many leaves of kelp tightly around her body

and then just peering out.

All the smell's on the kelp,

so the shark's now biting and snapping at the kelp.

She's sh*t out the back.

She just climbs out over a rock, leaves the water, and I was like...

I just, you know... almost can't believe my eyes.

But the problem is, of course, she's gotta come back.

On the other side, the shark picks up her scent again.

And this crazy chase is on.

And then, I see her,

in a very quick movement,

picking up maybe close to 100 shells and stones...

and then folding her arms

over her vulnerable head.

And in that moment,

I realized, "This is this crazy thing I saw...

so long ago."

Next minute, the shark grabs her.

But I had to breathe.

Rush to the surface as fast as you can.

Straight back down again.

And it's like, "Okay, now, this is too crazy."

Somehow she's managed to maneuver herself into the least dangerous place,

and that's on the shark's back.

The shark tries to shake her off and is swimming away.

Takes a few seconds to figure out,

"What the hell's going on here?"

But you can immediately tell

she's now got the upper hand.

As the shark goes near some of the thick kelp...

she just pushes off the back...

drops the remaining shells

and jets away.

And the shark, it's just been completely outwitted.

The shark comes, does one pass,

but she's completely safe. There's nothing it can do.

And it leaves.

How she can think that quickly and make those life-and-death decisions,

uh, it's just, yeah, pretty, pretty incredible.

I was around for a good 80 percent of her life.

Each moment is so precious because it's so short.

There was this one incredible day.

A big shoal of dream fish.

Fairly shallow water.

Suddenly, she's...

reaching up for the surface like that.

Initially, I thought...

"She's hunting the fish."

Then I was like, "Hold on.

When she hunts, she's strategic, and she's like...

focused.

This behavior doesn't feel predatory to me."

It took a long time to actually, like, process it.

But I couldn't help thinking,

"She's playing with the fish."

You see play often in social animals.

Here's a highly antisocial animal playing with fish.

It takes that animal to a different level.

Oh, then she completely lost interest in the fish,

rushed over...

grabbed hold of me.

And that was the last time we had physical contact.

If I think back,

and I remember it was a very rough day, very turbulent.

Sediment everywhere.

Go down and whoa,

there's another big octopus right next to her.

It's very, very rare to see two octopus close together.

"Oh, my God, what's going on?"

And then seeing that both animals are pretty relaxed

and realizing, "Okay, and then the mating is beginning."

By this stage, I knew quite well the stages of an octopus's life.

So while I was very excited that this mating was beginning,

there was a sort of...

this dread in the bottom of my stomach.

She wasn't coming out of that den.

There was no more feeding, no more hunting.

A huge part of her body is actually given to those eggs.

So she drops in weight, and she loses an enormous amount of strength.

The eggs are laid right in the back, in the dark.

It's impossible to see them.

I just keep going every day and just check.

She's oxygenating the eggs with her siphon, looking after them.

She's just slowly dying

and timing her death exactly for the hatching of those eggs.

I mean, it struck home so hard for me.

Here's an invertebrate, essentially a mollusk,

sacrificing her own life

for her young.

All those eggs hatched.

They're tiny, and they go into the water column.

Hundreds of thousands of them.

And the next thing I saw, she's washed out the den, barely alive.

And the fish, you know, feeding on her.

A lot of the scavengers coming to feed on her.

It was just heartbreaking.

A part of me just wanted to hold her and chase them away.

But I didn't do that.

The next day...

a big shark came...

and just took her away, you know, into the misty forest.

Often, I go to the place of her main den.

And I just float above it and feel her there.

Of course I miss her.

Um...

But, um...

I mean, in some crazy way, it was a relief.

It was a relief, because the intensity of going every day and tracking her, um...

and trying to capture, it was...

It was tough in a way.

I mean, I sort of slept, dreamt...

this animal.

I was... You know, I was...

in my mind, thinking like an octopus.

And... and it was all so taxing, in a way.

Um...

But underneath that,

this incredible pride for this animal

that's been through impossible odds to get to this place.

I mean, an unimaginable life.

One of the most exciting things ever in my life, taking my son,

walking along the shore

and just showing him the... the wonders of nature

and the details

and the intricacies.

I was getting so much from the wild, and I could actually now give.

I had so much energy to give back.

He's like a little marine biologist now. He knows so much.

And very powerful swimmer.

And as he gets older, he seems to want to do it more and more.

To see that develop,

a strong sense of himself...

an incredible confidence,

but the most important thing,

a gentleness.

And I think that's the thing

that thousands of hours in nature can teach a child.

A few months later, after she'd d*ed,

he actually found this tiny little octopus.

It's very rare to see an animal that small.

They have up to half a million young. A handful survive.

So it's a pretty tough road they have to walk.

But that's their strategy, live fast and die young.

We kind of imagined that it might be one of her young.

It was kind of the right size, the right time.

And it was joyous. It was like, "Well, there she is."

She'd made me realize

just how precious wild places are.

You go into that water...

and it's extremely liberating.

All your...

worries and problems and life drama just dissolve.

You slowly start to care about all the animals,

even the tiniest little animals.

You realize that every one is very important.

To sense how vulnerable these wild animals' lives are,

and actually, then how vulnerable all our lives on this planet are.

My relationship with the sea forest and its creatures deepens...

week after month after year after year.

You're in touch with this wild place, and it's speaking to you.

Its language is visible.

I fell in love with her

but also with that amazing wildness that she represented

and... and how that changed me.

What she taught me was to feel...

that you're part of this place, not a visitor.

That's a huge difference."

[blake447]

Dragon Curves

This is one of my personal favorite fractals, the Harter-Heighway Dragon Curve, featured in the original Jurrassic park book shown skipping a few steps at a time, unpredictably evolving into this shape here to highlight the chaotic but organized mess of nature we struggle to predict and understand. This is among the friends I am most deeply and intimately familiar with. I started playing around with these based off an old ViHart video explaining how to make them in terms of squiggles and folding papers

My traditional method has always been to take a sequence, reverse it, and add one, rolling over when you hit 4. Example 0 01 01 21 01 21 23 21 01 21 23 21 23 03 23 21

If you change each number into a direction, 0 being right, 1 being up, and so on, then follow that path along the sequence you will also get a dragon curve. There are so many wonderful ways to construct these

However, here’s my favorite

This is my Dragon Curve *unity shader* that I wrote. It comes with an editor script that you can use to bake it into a texture, since the process is a bit heavy. Why is this so special you ask? Well it comes down to the fact that this is running in real time, in parallel. See algorithms have two main kinds of families, parallel and serial. A serial algorithm goes step by step, like taking a math test alone. A parallel algorithm runs side by side, like everyone doing one problem on the test. Its much faster, but they aren’t allowed to talk to each other so if the same problem shows up twice, or if a second problem relies on the answer to the first, its much more difficult. This is why dragon curves are hard to parallelize. You take the sequence *before* and reverse / increase. You take the segments *from the last step* and fold them again. You fold the paper *back over itself* referencing previous work. This problem is about as serializable as it comes. So how do you parallelize? Will, you change your perspective

See instead of trying to split everyone up to try to *create* a dragon curve, you give every pixel a job to decide *is it on* a dragon curve. By rotating the space itself in alternating grid patterns you can twist a dragon curve down into a single line. If your point in space ends up on the line, then it was on the dragon curve! Furthermore, the direction it turns due to how the grids line up actually encodes how far along the dragon curve it was in binary (left being a 0, right being a 1), so by keeping track of that and converting it to decimal we can give subtle coloration to points on one dragon curve from 0-2^n, and clip out anything that isn’t on it. As far as I know, I’m the only person to have implemented it this way and it might be a straight up novel algorithm, which I’m super proud of!

And this is how I create these beautiful Dragon Curve Plaids. Since we’re warping the space itself, we do our twisting to collapse it, put some little checker and strip patterns on that space, color it a little bit based on the direction, and unwind it again to twist the pattern into the dragon curve instead of the space. I also have a live demonstration of the algorithm up on shadertoy, though its a very outdated implementation and not well optimized. Here’s one thats animated, and here’s a newer one that tracks the folds in binary. They are rendering in real time, so potatos beware. Finally, here’s a zoom on one of my youtube accounts of a 41st iteration dragon curve zoom, twice as many iterations in realtime as my old laptop could do in 20 minutes. Computer Science enthusiasts will realize how mind boggling cool that is, even if its is entirely useless.

[pbandjesse]

I am just now getting out of my workshop. Which went almost an hour later that was supposed to. But I had such a good time. And while it only had five people we did great. And I felt super successful and super happy. I'm also very tired. And very glad to go home.

I slept better last night but I still didn't sleep great. I would let myself stay in bed until almost 7:00 and James laid with me for those last 10 minutes. I went and got washed up and dressed and I kept watching the clock. And thinking okay you have 15 minutes till you have to leave okay you have 11 minutes till you have to leave. And I have my morning routine pretty down path to 20 minutes. But I just felt like I was moving so slow. And things were hard to do.

I did not wear makeup today. Well I wore mascara. But I didn't wear eyeliner. My eye still is swollen a little and I just would like to see my face without it for a little while again. And my outfit was fine and my hair was fine. I caught it a little bit more last night. Gave myself some more layers. But I just keep thinking that I look like I did in 7th grade. When I kind of had like a proto mullet of some kind. Just kind of shaggy seeing hair but I didn't use hairspray so it was not as voluminous. But I felt slightly better about myself at least.

I left for work and I didn't really have to deal with any traffic. And I got to camp around 8:00. And it was so nice out. Like it was chilly today. But I just wore a sweatshirt and I was fine. I honestly could have spent more time outside than I did.

I would have my breakfast and around 8:30 Heather texted me a list of vendors that I could contact. I had to do a ton of research to find emails and some of the business names are not SEO optimized because like multiple people are having the same name as your business. I should be able to Google you and you come right up. I should not have to search for your email. Ridiculous. So that took me like an hour to find everyone I contact them. And then by the time I was done that Heather and Sarah and Elizabeth were all in and Heather get me another list of people to contact. So me and Sarah worked on that together and we would get about 25 people contacted. And hopefully we will have a couple people sign up.

once I finish that I would take like an hour to do some research about Uganda. Which is becoming more and more real and I'm still trying not to be very very anxious about it. I don't want to keep asking James to text Paul with all of my questions but I have a lot of questions. Specifically things about visas and vaccinations but also the hotel and the resort are they the same place? Turns out they are. We're staying in a five-star luxury resort. And it looks beautiful in the pictures. And so since now I know where we're staying I started doing research into what we could do on Wednesday which is our one day where we have nothing planned for the wedding. And I found a rhino sanctuary that isn't too too far and I think would be incredible. It's where the last white rhinos live in the wild and there's only like 22 of them and I just think it would be so amazing. I want to see something that I can't see anywhere else. And like we're already staying on lake Victoria which is the largest lake in Africa which is already incredible. But I really want to take advantage of as much as I can on this trip.

So I did a ton of research and I worked on a packing list. I mostly modified the Disney list so I could just utilize a lot of that stuff. Because it's still useful. I just took out the Disney specific things and I'll add in the Uganda specific things. And I texted James and we worked on our document together with all the information about the itinerary and need to know information. I think that we are being a really good team about this.

I had lunch but I was still really hungry and I just kind of remained that way for the rest of the day. Just really snacky. Eventually though Heather and Alexi had a meeting and Elizabeth went for a walk and when she came back she said that there was stuff that we could do to get ready for the open house this weekend. So I would go up to the hacienda and put tables and chairs away and start to sweep. But then my back hurt so I came back.

Sarah and Chloe went and picked up some chicks!! Which was super exciting and I absolutely loved holding in. They are my new best friend. They don't have names yet but two of them were half off for being a week older? Very silly. But it was so fun to have them around.

Soon me and Sarah jumped in the gator to get cleaning supplies and go to woodlands village and wipe down all of the beds while she swapped and then we cleaned pioneer cabins and it was nice to just do a singular task. I had a podcast going and I was just enjoying listening to my headphones and cleaning and it was a good time.

around 3:40 I finished up the last beds and I checked in with Sarah and after putting cleaning product and all the toilets I went back to the office to get my stuff and said goodbye. I needed to go home

But really what I need to do is eat. I was so hungry. And so I went to Wawa and I got a hoagie and I got chips to bring home for James. I sat in my car and watched a video while I ate my sandwich. I had entirely too much bread and cheese but it was great in the moment. And then I went home.

When I got home it was about 5:00. I didn't have to deal with too much traffic and when I got back I was really happy to see James. Sweetp too. And it was so nice seeing our kitchen all pink and James being so happy. And we just hung out for a little while. They had gotten the wrong tote bags out that I asked them for and we had a little bit of a laugh about that while they want to help me find the toepans I actually needed as examples. And then I gave them the trips I got them and they were really excited and we talked and laid on the couch while they worked on bread and soon it was time for me to go again.

I had to create appliance to do my workshop and it went so good. I got there right about 6:00. My first person came at 6:15 while I was still setting up. And I would have four women and one man and everyone was so nice. But man this workshop was a little above all of their pay grades. I think I gave him a lot more than they expected and I don't know I think that we all probably could have done it down a little bit. But we had two people completely finished their tote bags and three people mostly finished their tote bags. And it was great. We had conversations and we had stuff going on and I was troubleshooting and fixing machines and it was chaos but it was really great. And we all got to learn about each other and tell each other encouraging words and I think it was just a really really good time. And at the end once most people were leaving I got some really nice compliments. Parker's partner came and she said that I was super charismatic and she was awesome and I just felt like everyone really enjoyed the class and that made me feel really good. The last person to leave was the guy that came. I believe his name was Alex and he just moved to Baltimore this year and he really excited and he made a giant bag. And he stayed the extra 45 minutes so that we could work on it together to finish it and it came out great and I'm so proud of him. He had never sown a day in his life not hand sewn not machine sewn. And he was so brave and I showed him some hand sewing stuff as well and it was just awesome. I think if I was to do this again I would definitely want to have more sewing machines. But I think we did great with what we had and it was just a really really good class.

I'm sitting in the car now finishing writing this and I'm about to go in and I'm really excited to see my husband and take a shower and then go to sleep. Because tomorrow we have so much to do to get ready for the open house this weekend. And I just hope that we get it all done. Because if we do not I'm coming in very early on Sunday to do it. And I don't want to do that.

Good night everybody. I hope that you are safe and happy. Until next time.