#and i know it but it bothers me in the sense that im not doing anything crazy good fjkzkfkakf
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“i love you”
sypnosis -» "I don't care what they say — I love you that's what matters" you scolded manon
beware! -» fluff , angst , crying , comfort, sick , swearing, cyber bullying, stupid hoes
talks -» hey so recently manon got sick and she couldn't attend the MAMA Awards — some lame hoes decided to use this as a way to hate her , friendly fucking reminder she's a person not a fuckin' robot stupid bitches , I hope y'all burn btw...!
taglist (open) -» @nyssalvr @ohmyhaely @vrtualstar @c-yerim @jellaaa
it wasn't much of a secret that the girls especially lara and manon got so much hate when the documentary got released — death threats , bullying , racism and etc — it took a toll out of their mental health especially since they were just getting started being an idol
recently katseye got invited to perform at the MAMA Awards , this was big the MAMA Awards is one of the biggest award ceremony in korea — so the girls spent weeks practicing their presentation for the awards
many sleepless nights and hours upon hours of practice took a negative turn for manons body — just two days before the awards she had to announce her mini hiatus due to her having a fever
obviously she was devastated, but she knew the rest of the girls were gonna do good—although she wished that she could also perform
"babyy i miss you :((" manon texts you , it was pretty early so you went to their dorms , you drive faster than usual sensing something was wrong
you knock on the door waiting for her to open it—well what greeted you was manon sniffling with a blanket draped over her frame
"baby what's wrong??" you ask entering the abode , she hugs you not muttering a word , as your shirt absorbed her tears , you held her head closer to you but you felt like she was burning "your burning up , are you alright?— did you take your medicine yet?" a motherly way of concern starts to take over you
"i-im okay" she sniffles yet again , finally she lifts up her head — her eyes were puffy her nose red and her face coated with her tears
"no you're not baby , tell me what's bothering you?" you sternly said to her , you both sat down on the couch with her clung onto you
"I just - I saw videos and comments that I wasn't sick that I was just lazy but I'm not!—i work as hard as everyone does!" manon exclaims her hands flailing around , angry and upset tears leaving her eyes as she stumbled over her words
"I know , you shouldn't care about what they say — they're just jealous of you" you said comforting her , her frown deepens "no they just hate me" she says , your heart breaks at everything manon had to endure
"I don't care what they say — I love you that's what matters , not some stupid comment made by someone who probably can't achieve the things you have" you scolded — her tears soon dried up and a smile forms on her face
"I love you too" she smiles , her lips now on yours as a tint of pink made it's way to your cheeks — "now take your medicine" you mutter , she groans
"it tastes like shit — I'm not even over exaggerating it" manon mumbles pouting at you
"language and no just because you look cute doesn't mean you won't take your medicine" you chuckle at her attempt to stop you from making her drink her medicine
"no fair"
"you're sick not me"
after watching a movie and finally making manon drink some paracetamol — she peacefully falls asleep whilst her head was on your lap , you made a soothing motion on her scalp
"you're so pretty" you mumble looking at her peaceful face
sometimes you wish that manon didn't go thru the dream academy, or even became a member if you only knew it meant her being bullied online — yet your thankful that she was with people that loved her , eyekons, katseye, and you
manon deserves where she is now ,no one and I mean no one could tell you otherwise — she worked hard and shed her blood sweat and tears for this and for that you are proud of her
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maffhew who refuses to say runebergin torttu because he knows hes gonna butcher it so bad he might be kicked out of the country the second he tries and staunchly avoids that by going "the one dessert that barky is going to have to explain 😃"
sasha who gets faced with the most generic description of everything hes ever eaten in his life so far because of maffhew and going "???... oh you mean runebergin torttu!"
"he did good he liked the food and he likes the finland so far so its good" sasha says with so much pride now that all the anxiety has left his system that his husband teammate is enjoying his country and doesnt hate it
media availability | 10.29.24 (x)(x)
the smile of a man who knowlingly doomed his husband and said husband using all his brain power to context clues his way to whatever the fuck he just got asked that his brain is running hotter than a mid 2012 macbook air thats somehow still alive in the year of the lord 2024 but girl does she chug along shes louder than a fighter jet
#matthew tkachuk#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#2425#the famous vanha kauppahalli date™#we know how bad he is at pronouncing words not in english he does not want to fuck up his husbands language in front of him#(the nhl stars try to speak german video has entered the chat)#different attitudes here lmao#“he did good” mate he was... eating food... what... what is there to praise here..?#i shivered sweet mary and joseph sasha this is how you praise maffhew? yeah id be an annoying little shit about it too#whatever they have. unexplainable. i wont even bother#im glad to see pie and cake are still very confusing for esol#somehow ive had the conversation with several different people in my lifetime and realised even i dont know what the fuck it is#in the sense that when i translate pastries into english for my american friends i just pause and go#wait... i think this is a pie... but its called a tart in spanish but its also kind of a cake? and- [windows reboot sound]#ive had to do this with pastafrola and im like please just eat it dont make me explain im gonna cry if i do#I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS IN AN ENGLISH CONTEXT BECAUSE IT DOESNT EXIST IN AN ENGLISH CONTEXT TO ME JUST EAT IT#“so whats the difference between a torta and a tarta and isnt a tarta kinda like a pie-” “stop asking questions you dont want answers to”#you have no idea how upset i get trying to explain#im glad sasha at least protrays a little of that frustration by going “i dont know english word” girl SAME
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a post about fic updates! so the fics im currently juggling are dog teeth, tams, and of course, taob. my original plan was to start posting the second installment of the dog teeth series by sometime in april, bc it's the fic im most into atm and i already have the first chapter done, i just want to bank another one or two because once i start posting it i want to KEEP posting it with regular updates, hopefully every 2 weeks like with kaiein. HOWEVER this will put my atla fics on a back burner. april is a good writing time for me (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) bc i have the entire month off from uni to prep for may exam season, and i always want to write when im procrastinating my degree. which is. it's own thing im sure i'll graduate it's fine i'm fine. so if i focus on dog teeth, neither tams nor taob will get focus until like. june. which is par for the course with taob but im NOT happy about doing with tams.
SO my thought process was i can either be normal about this and just accept it's literally my final year at uni and im trying to graduate and it doesn't matter if updates are slow on ANY fics, or i can do my usual and implement an insane deadline that i somehow always make by the skin of my teeth. can you guess what i went with?
and thus i present unto the crowd my tentative plan: have the next taob chapter done by middle of april (im aware this is quite hand-wavey but it gives me a month to work with, so in my head this means anything between april 10th-20th), have the next tams chapter done by the end of april, and dog teeth can follow.
#i know a lot of you are gonna swarm and tell me not to push myself/rush and i love and appreciate the fuck out of you#i PROMISE if it gets too much i will call it quits like im not about to jeopardise my final exam season for this lmao#but ultimately i do work better when i give myself these insane writing challenges and it gives me something fun to do#while im drowning in econ assignments#as for dog teeth being moved to the back burner despite it being my current passion project#im not actually too bothered by this bc i will still be working on it as i work on my atla fics#and it'll be good as a breather when those get up my arse PLUS has the added benefit of the second part of dog teeth#not actually being posted yet so technically no one's 'waiting' for anything. like kaiein exists perfectly fine as a standalone#whereas if i post ch1 of part 2 in april i then have to KEEP POSTING or it'll bug me#and then i'll have THREE updating fics to juggle#does any of this make sense. hello. tapping the security camera in my padded room is anyone there#WHATEVER. I WILL KEEP YOU GUYS POSTED <3#taob updates#tams#dog teeth
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i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.
#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY????????????#can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before#is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people#i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this#was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something#“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT????#bruh i can barely make eye contact w people...#my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever.#i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries#“men dont smile at people.” well they should.#ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet#“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART#i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself#i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit.#at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are#my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing#im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that#shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them#i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like#in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.#its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like.#regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like???#you can do what you want???? why do we care????#and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism#i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people.#i cant wrap my head around it at all#not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing#(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way)#unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason
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Seeing what presents my baby sister gets and realising I really drew the short straw by being the firstborn
#Demon Spawn#+Extras#tell me why this three year old got a pet budgie for her birthday? she cant even spell yet#none of my siblings have ever had personal pets i wasnt allowed a hamster when i was 12 and neither was anyone else but the 3 year old??#she got her own heat pool for her birthday as well and a barbie dream house taller than her for Christmas#and what did i get childhood trauma perfectionism a fear of failure and anxiety#my mum always goes over the top with the youngest girl it happened with my middle sister in that 5 year gap before my mum got pregnant again#i didnt even make it 2 before my mum was pregnant so i never really got to reap the rewards of being the youngest#the lil ones get spoiled to hell and they get a mum with a fully developed frontal lobe and chiller parents#being the oldest sucks there are no benefits to it only responsibilities#btw im not mad at my sister or whatever its nice for her that she gets to have these things#but what do you mean i got the shtty childhood parents and i still have to argue to be allowed to bare minimal at 23 when the 3 year old#gets special treatment that the rest of us wouldnt even bother asking for cus we dont have all the things that came before that point#my issue is that the preferential treatment she gets is useless to her. she didnt ask for a barbie dreamhouse and she cant even play with it#because shes too short whe doesnt need her own pool because she cant even swim yet she doesnt need her own tablet she cant read yet#she shouldnt have her own pet when she cant understand what it means to own a living creature#especially when we dont currently have any other pets in the house#my issue is that the spoiling doesnt even make sense for her age she cant enjoy it cus it doesnt make sense yet doesnt mean anything to her#my mum wants to spoil her cus shes her littlest girl but shes had 7 kids before this she knows whats age appropriate and this isnt
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does anyone have any advice on how to feel alive again
#me @ me: no one cares#sorry to keep depression posting i just dont know what to do#its hard to stay positive when everything feels so fucking bad all the time#covid shit is stressing me out. election shit sucks so bad. my health is bad my mental illnesses are mental illnessing#and if one more person at my stupid fucking job makes a fucking comment about my fucking mask im actually going to start killing#im so serious. i really cant do this anymore#why dont people care about other people it makes no sense#why are people so fucking horrible to each other. everything is so fucking horrible#one of my coworkers literally right now has covid and on our zoom call he was like well the vaccine wouldnt have done anything anyways#are you sure about that??? because you sound like you cant fucking breathe#idk i just feel hopeless and bitter and exhausted and like nothing will ever be okay ever again. and im At Work.#how are you supposed to combat this. what are you supposed to do.#no amount of cognitive fucking behavioral therapy is going to fix the fascism or the climate change or the pandemic or the or the or the#like literally why bother. it doesn't matter nothing matters!#i just want to go home#but then when i get home im like fuck. i really want to go home.
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I have no idea why this is like The Thing with me and i knowwww its ocd but i remember having this hang up fairly young and i have no idea if there was some sort of something that made me start thinking like this. Or even if it's productive at all to try and figure that out.
#^and that bothers me i like to always know the reasons im doing whatever im doing even if theyre irrational#if that makes sense#radar.txt
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Actually talking about dreams reminded me that i had a dream with Grim before he even had a name or was even a character of mine!! I can't believe i forgot about that the only reason i even know about it is bc i found some old text messages where i talked about it and it must have been such a defining moment i decided i must share it with someone at 03:40 am
Reporting from the future, according to past me: "the god of death visited me in my dream" and "he was very fun" and "he sang to me in latin". I also thought it was an omen but wasn't sure if it was a good or bad one. I also said "hes a trickster ofc hed love to visit you and scare you" (to friend i was messaging). Thats literally just Grim. Like all of this fits him except he looks a little different today; like his hair isn't pale blond its just white, and his eyes aren't dark but red, but i guess. They can be dark. At the same time. He visited me before he even existed and that's a little freaky tbh i hope he visits again soon
This does help answer a question thats been bothering me since the parley happened which is what language do him and his majesty speak? And auden for that matter. Bc ofc i write in English but other languages do exist still, and both grim and the lord speak most languages (so the interpreters weren't even rly needed with the humans) but that doesn't mean they just speak english bc i write in english bc that seems unfitting to me.. now ive decided they just speak latin in reality. Or some other form of lost language no one else speaks. That or if they are speaking to someone else, then they speak the language the person they are talking to speaks. Same with the Doctor actually, since it "talks" in people's thoughts, and whatever it says is interpreted in a way unique to each individual, so if its communicating with a Spanish speaking person for example then that person would hear its words in spanish bc thats what they understand and thats the filter their brain interprets things through. But it doesn't rly talk it just kinda beams its own thoughts into people, so it technically speaks all languages, but also doesn't speak any.
#Auden's story#oc grim#oc his majesty#oc doctor#dreams#whump#the language question has been bothering me for so long bc i knew they don't actually just speak english bc thats a human language#and neither of them are human and both of them are older than language itself#so their mother tongue cannot just be today's modern english that doesn't make any sense#the dream is also freaky bc i literally never dream with people i dont know#like i dont have strangers in my dreams especially not this detailed#if i do theyre just some average looking blob of unimportance#but he was so clear in my mind i remember him so clearly and he looked absolutely nothing like anyone i know#i rly just felt like i was visited by some fucking guy#but some fucking guy who knew who i was and seemed to have more personality than im usually able to imagine#like i dont just “make up guys” in my dreams they gotta come from some media or real life is what im saying#and he wasn't like that#i choose to live in a world where he exists actually thank you for understanding#i need to post more fun fact type posts about my guys they are so important to me
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i want to headcanon the mtt having absolutely terrible hygiene and struggling to keep themselves clean (this MAY... just QUITE POSSIBLY.... only in the SLIGHTEST bit be projection) but i think it would be too gross and man EVEN I dont wanna think about that
also killer canonically smells good and i actually really LIKE that idea so oh shit there goes that idea out the window. horror and dust youre my only hope please let me make you smell bad for reasons you won't understand
#also i dont think i. just got a sense of dejavu wtf. anyways#i dont think im THAT bad at maintaining my hygiene..... like i dont bed rot for months which isn't good by any means#but if i havent reached that point of bad hygieneness then i dont think i should be talking about this topic#sure i may uhhh may struggle to brush my teeth and shower multiple times a week but like. ngl it's not that bad#i am NORMAL okay THIS IS NORMAL. people struggle with this stuff all the time everyday i dont need to be making a whole post on this topic#i wish that the capital i in this app looked different. because when i wanna emphasize I it just looks normal#i type like how i speak has it not become glaringly obvious yet. so it boggles and bothers me when i cant emphasize i like i can irl#the laundry piles in dusts room are probably unfathomably tall he just throws it all into one corner (HES JUST LIKE ME FR!!! I DO TJIS!!!!!)#all the water in horrortale has turned toxic and polluted and bad so horror's only option is to not shower or shower in dirty water#he chooses the former because what if that water has monster dust sprinkled in it. his paranoia wont let him shower in dust infused water#TRIGLYCERCULE GET YOUR FUCKING LIFE TOGETHER INSTEAD OF THINKING AND PROJECTING ONTO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. SCHOOL STARTS IN 3 DAYS.#I KNOW I KNOW IM SORRY.... IM SORRY OKAY I KNOW!!! I KNOW THIS IS BAD!!! I WILL TRY!!!!!!#anyways back to projecting. do you think dust has sheets on his little matress bed#because the sheets will enevitably get dusty and then he's gonna have to lay on the dust of those he killed and thats a bad thought#sheets can fix the problem temporarily because he can just change them out and wash them#but also.... changing sheet hard.... take long time..... dust just want sleep.... rot away..... so no sheet on matress??? idk#dust might be able to make fun of horror and killer for having food issues but#killer gets to make fun of dust and horror for having hygiene issues#he's had his lows but he's never gotten THAT low 🤣🤣🤣🫵🫵🫵 LOSERS!!!!!#what does horror get to make fun of them for??? idk murder#killer might be able to keep himself clean but he cannot keep anything else around him clean with thet goddamn eye goop so HAH take that#me on my way to overshare with strangers on the internet. this isnt that bad compared to other stuff ive seen online actually#triglycercule can you just shut the fuck up and get back to posting about the mtt nobody CARES#alright..... limps away like a kicked and beated puppy...... like killer after getting abused by nightmare for the 56th time..........#advanced humor only utmv fans will get it#tricule rant#i said i wasnt gonna make the post but i did infact make the post. just in tags#me when i LIE#just offically reached 50 drafts where my medal. i should clear them out? alright shoot that guy
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for the past couple of months I’ve found myself to be so like anxious and depressed whenever I log on here and I couldn’t figure out why??? like when I was getting a lot of interaction and attention it stressed me out and now that I don’t get as much it fucks w my mental but then I realized. I’m simply just pmsing. and what SUCKS is that I pms for a full like two weeks so half of the month I’m like “why do I even bother on here. what’s the point. I’m talking to the void constantly. I need attention but I can’t ASK????” and it’s simply. the PMDD. the Prozac hasn’t kicked in yet, I fear.
#this is torture#and omg my co star today was like#you’re creating distance betwee yourself and others and they don’t wanna keep crossing it to talk to you#OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT#and it makes so much sense omg I get so scared of reaching out to people#cause I think that THEY think I’m annoying or don’t wanna be bothered#and sometimes I genuinely just don’t know what to say#and I feel so isolated but I’m doing it to myself 😔#anyway what I’m saying is. I want attention ALSJDKDJFJ#idk I just feel weird every time I come on here#I think I should take a break but it’s such routine for me to log on morning and night#that I would feel empty not doing it#bc I like reading and seeing you guys but I also think im not stable enough to not see my own stuff getting interaction#I’m just whining I’m sorry agskddhd#tw: vent#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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I can't stop thinking about Orpheus and Eurydice...
#im too tired to type a bunch now but i might later. might just bother my gf with it with no warning#but god it gets me because with every telling and retelling my first thought is 'god please dont turn around'#and then i remember that it wouldnt be orpheus and eurydice if he didnt...#he loved her so much that it would not be the same story if he didnt turn around#all love to jasper in deadland (a musical retelling in which he doesnt turn around) i love that musical#if i recall correctly he wanted to turn around but eurydice appeared and reminded him not to#thats a good musical but it definitely takes its liberties so idk why i brought it up#but anyway. youre telling me that if you spent hours days or weeks walking. unsure if your lover was even there#you wouldnt go insane with the unknowing? the longing? you wouldnt turn?#or alternatively depending on the telling. if you were walking ahead of your lover and they tripped#you wouldn't instinctively turn to help? or if you made it out you wouldnt immediately turn?#forgetting that your lover wasnt there yet. in your enthusiasm to have them back?#youre telling me that you wouldn't turn?? do you even love them???????#and also. ive heard this take before. its about grief#its about losing a loved one and always 'turning back' even though you know that will hurt. that will make you 'lose' them again#(spoken as someone who has a number blocking app to call someone i miss just so i can hear her voice in her voicemail)#thats literally 'turning back' the way that orpheus does#idk if that point made any sense but it made sense in my heart#god im going insane thinking about orpheus and eurydice and its not making sense but it will. it all will
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i love when hiring managers play cute little games with applicants in their job descriptions on seek.
#life#about me#shut up ilona#ilona's jobhunting thoughts and woes#ilona's work dilemmas#ilona's work thoughts#like to be fair this IS for a local music agency where i am#so it makes sense that i'd have to know some basic (and very googleable info) about an aussie singer that we might have in our portfolio#...ie. missy higgins#but also. the 'include the phrase crafting success or we wont even bother looking at you application' is rude asf#and yeah yeah i get both of these things are also testing the 'ninja of detail and accuracy' shit they have throughout the rest of this ad#and it's also a play on their business name bc ~creative industry~ people are insufferable so r.i.p me#they also keep saying 'must be a wizard with tech' in the JD#but im still applying because this engages little 18yo me in her entertainment industry course so much and booking bands headspace#and also bc my old cadetship job REFUSED to let me do any event planning/booking/organisation stuff bc apparently.....#....'it's NEVER been relevant to you and your journey so just accept that we wont let you do it'#NO!!!!!!!!!!!#scream crying while trying to not to throw my laptop out the window while applying to this role either this week or next week#even though they defs want an event management or marketing student or grad from uni or tafe#but FUCK EM
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I'm starting to think the reason I'm not as good of a writer as I want to be is because I like writing more than I like reading.
#which isnt to say i dont like to read#but i find it so difficult to get interested in new fiction#why would i bother reading stories other people wrote when i could just write mine?#i don't have this issue reading nonfiction ive been so into nonfiction#and i feel like THAT has helped me write better just by teaching me about more things so i can make worlds make more sense#but one time i told somebody i was writing a story that's kind of a zombie apocalypse but for plants and they said#'oh that's exactly like this other book' (i forget the name) 'you should read that one!'#and it made me unreasonably angry#i don't care abt someone else's story with a vaguely similar concept. i care abt mine.#and i know this makes me seem like an asshole and i probably am for this specific thing#but i read every book i could get my hands on as a child#and then as soon as i was able to write my own stories that stopped being the case#like all that reading was just training me to do what i can do now#and i think if i could just get over my disinterest in other ppl's fiction books and start practicing deconstructing what makes a good stor#i would start improving my writing more#and short stories! fuck. i hate reading other ppl's short stories unless they're written by friends#but as im starting to submit my short stories to publishing magazines n stuff#im realizing i'll have a better chance of getting published if i read the other stuff those mags have posted before#and write what they want to have submitted. but then it's not necessarily what *i* want to write. u know?#i don't know how to fix this fundamental problem of me preferring writing over reading#(and this applies to fanfic too btw. i hardly ever seek out fic to read unless a friend sends it to me. and often i like it when they do!#but not as much as i like writing or reading my own writing.)#just why would i READ when i could be WRITING and writing is so much more FUN
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ooc. u know since i started teaching i think my grammar is getting..........tiny..........tiny...weeensyyyyyy eaaannyyyy better. i know how grammar works but then i write my brain: *slides arabic structure here because it can* and then you have arabizi*
#ooc.| faty speaks#[i know i still do it but (verb have) in a past sentence my brain: gotta use the past form of the verb too duh#[modal verb carry the tense so no need to say something like they didn't had it should be have...#[me: its easy. brain: lmao ok i cant apply it because whatever~ whaaaatever~~~~#[sTOP IT ZA.CK FAIR STOP IT!!!! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO WWHATEVER ME NOW NOT EVEN IN JP!!! I WARN YOU BRAIN#[never mind me im just little bit emotional. remember when i used to write am instead of I .... yeh. same.#[i give myself pain because i can#[LISTEN. IM TINY BIT PROUD. AT LEAST I MAKE SENSE NOW..........RIGHT?...RIGHT???????????????????#[we passed the your and you're stage too. luckily i didnt get them mixed up. it is the there and their for me XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#[help me..im suffocating because of past memories waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!#[let me not open my old multi muse blog and look at my writing sobs#[oooh c r i n g e ~~~~~~~#[yehaw i wanna bother wars suddenly weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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This being Wikipedia's picture of Jenson for the 2009 season is insane, every time I open the page, I'm like "my god Jenson please, put your tits away 🫣" ALSO ALSO IM CRYING, I checked the pic's descrip and it's literally: "A very fit Jense", so true!!!
#the best fireproofs frrrrr 🤤🤤#i check 2009 a lot and literally every time i have to take at least a few seconds to stare at this picture#every single time im like....my god jense...#whoever picked this one for it props to you#wikipedia's pictures for racers is one of those things i feel incredibly specific over(if that makes sense?)#the thing that bothers me so much is itll be the page for like 2018 and then the pic of the driver is from before that season#tho the worst is when its a pic of them not even in the correct team 😡#if i could do anything in the world it would be to edit all the season pages with proper pics#these should generally be a headshot from the proper year imo#the year thing really bothers me honestly bcs i feel like it should be proper yr so you know what the driver from then actually looks like#example: why does lewis have the same pic for 2016-2021 but 2018 randomly has a different one??#AND WHY IS CHECO'S PIC FOR 2021 FROM 2019 WHEN HE WAS IN RACING POINT#^ its like 'sergio perez driving for rbr' then why tf is he wearing racing point gear..........#another ex. max's 2023 pic is from 2017 broooooo it makes him look so young#i just think it gives a really inaccurate view of the season#if im looking at the wiki page for 2023 i wanna know what the wdc leader looks like now...not what he looked like 6 years ago....#anyways that being said im fine with this one particularly bcs its accurate and also very 😳#catie.rambling.txt#jenson button
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i seriously forget all the time that a lot of fancontent is focused on "i want this character to be loved receive praise and affection which is why they gotta take it up the ass" which, you certainly do you, so but it says "the person topping isn't getting the same treatment" and it's the biggest ???????
i also only vibe with people who like stone faced tops who get emotionally vulnerable with their lover because it's just so cute so my opinion is null and void uggggggghhhhh
#so much mental gymnastics for what#i get praised for 'making me interested in the dynamic' just because#i draw each character seeking out the other in an organic way#and i know it but it bothers me in the sense that im not doing anything crazy good fjkzkfkakf#just#...wanting to draw 'people' not dolls maybe
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