#and i kind of hate that i didnt get to understand her final words

[modern-alebrije]

that last post reminded me that last week i wad thinking a lot about my grandma, and how her last words to me had been through the phone over thousands of miles apart. she'd been intubated, and i couldn't understand anything she said. i was 10 going on 11, and we'd been in the US for a few years by then, so when we spoke for that last time, it'd been a few years since we'd been in the same room together.

and so i kept thinking about how i never got the chance to get know her as an adult person, just as my grandma. everything new i've learned about her since has been through the people in my life who knew her. when i got my promotion at work, when i went to kansas for a work conference, i wish i could've told her about it.

i remember lying to her, that last time we spoke on the phone, saying "yes grandma" as if i knew what she was saying. i can't remember what her voice sounded like anymore. the last thing i ever said to her was how much i loved her.

[pullupinarari]

lewis said smth hurtful, went out to work. reader got injured and didnt tell him thinking he's not in a mood. so she called her sister/bsf instead to send her to a clinic/hospital. she downplays her injury and still prepared dinner for lewis, not staying to eat with him tho. thinking he needs time away from her.

omg im so sorry if this is too long of a an idea for a blurb </3

a/n: this is insanely long for a "blurb" lol i'm so sorry, you know i get carried away when it comes to angst and i literally had to stop myself from continue writing this 😭 hope you enjoy!! 🩷

In the middle of all the chaos surrounding your day, after kicking off your morning with a very stressful meeting with your boss at work, you thought things couldn’t get any worse - but you were wrong, so wrong. 

During your lunch break, you met your boyfriend that was already at your place, preparing lunch for the both of you. He met you with a kind smile, but it was already too late: the agitating tension was already emanating from your body, matching the screaming headache that started growing and decided not to stop bothering you for the past couple of hours.

You’re sighing loud, stomping around the house, not even daring to meet his eyes as you don’t even have the strength inside of you to force a smile on your lips. No matter how sweet his gestures might be, you just wish you could be alone, now - enjoying your break in peace, trying to forget about all the stress that your boss caused in your mind, anger boiling in your veins every time you even think about it. 

Lewis is trying his best to stay silent, giving you space as he can feel the storm forming above your head, ready to hit at any moment now. The man gently stirs the food in the pot, grabbing a dish to serve it. 

You finally sit down, grabbing your fork to start eating, not even acknowledging your boyfriend, not looking at him, not even muttering a ‘thank you’ for his thoughtful actions. 

- Thought I would make your favorite dish, trying to light up your day a bit more. - Lewis carefully said, his voice sounding quiet yet sweet, realizing now that he had that thought in mind, while being completely unaware of your angry state.

You just hum at his words, your eyes focused on your dish as you don’t even waste a second to reply to him. Your brain feels heavy inside your head, feeling like it’s fighting an internal battle with itself, the carousel of intrusive thoughts stepping on your skin, the annoyance jumping in your bones. You just don’t have it in yourself to talk right now. 

Your boyfriend frowns, letting out a small sigh as well, picking his food. He knows that you’re not in the best of moods right now, but he hates seeing you like this and feeling like he can’t do anything about it. He just wants to comfort you, to help you in any way. 

Cleaning his throat, his courageous side decides to speak up again.

- I was thinking about leaving work a bit earlier today. Maybe we could go for a walk downtown, and watch the Christmas lights? - your boyfriend suggests again, only to be met with a furious huff erupting from your body. - No, thank you. I just want to be alone today. - your harsh words hit him like a ton of bricks, sensing his feelings shatter like they’re made of glass, each tiny piece invading his insides, cutting right through his heart. 

You didn’t mean for your words to sound so mean. But you would expect him to understand, from the first sigh that left your mouth the second that you stormed inside the house, that today it’s a ‘no’ day for you. You just wanted him to stop pushing it when you’re clearly not willing to give back to him. 

And Lewis might be understanding, but he won’t shut up and take whatever you throw at him. 

- I know you’re upset, but that is not my fault. I wasn’t the one making you angry, so I shouldn’t be the one getting all this backlash from you. - he tries to reason, his own tone sounding colder now, feeling something shifting inside of him after hearing the way you spoke to him.

An exasperated sigh escapes your lips again, your figure moving on its own as you get up from your seat at the table. 

- I’m not hungry anymore. - you state, throwing your fork into the plate, turning your back on your boyfriend as you leave the kitchen. 

He stops eating as well, rolling his eyes at your childish attitude before letting a deep breath out. 

- Call me when you decide to stop acting like a kid! - he shouts from the kitchen, grabbing his belongings and reaching for the door, slamming it behind him once he leaves. 

You heard his words, loud and clear. They made sure to enter your brain, moving by themselves while working to emphasize your rage even more, your fists closing as your nails start digging on the skin into the palm of your hand, trying to distract you from the riot happening in your mind, right now. 

Truth be told, you and Lewis have only been dating for a year and a half. Everything still feels very recent, very fresh - and your communication as a couple isn’t definitely at its finest, that’s for sure. 

You’re both adults, but you’re still learning the best ways to deal with each other, especially in situations like these. 

Lewis knew it. He knew it, from the moment he saw you walking inside the house, looking like a tornado had just hit, that you had turned into a raging storm, and he had no doubt that, sooner or later, you would wreck the environment around you. 

He is not used to seeing you act this way, though. It’s not usual for you to blow up in his face, such a rare event that this attitude of yours makes him wonder. Wondering what happened for you to lose your cool, for you to take it out on him. The thoughts keep pacing on the back of his mind while he drives, questioning if, maybe, you have been a storm all this time.

The fact that you keep thinking that you’re always right, doesn’t help. No matter how Lewis tries, it seems like you can’t accept that, sometimes, you are the one in the wrong. 

Like now. You blew up on your boyfriend without him having any fault of the way your boss ruined your entire day with a meeting. And still, here you are: stomping your feet around the house like a sulking kid, slamming doors, throwing away everything that reaches your fingers, in a thoughtless act of childishness, of unsolved problems that you hold with your own emotions. 

“What a stupid day. What a stupid meeting. What a fucking stupid fight” - you think to yourself, trying to let go of all the events that just took place during the first half of your day, gathering your belongings to go back to work. 

As you are coming downstairs, your face is buried on your phone as you text your co-worker, and your foot accidentally slipped on one of Roscoe’s squishy toys that was left forgotten on your stairs. 

Losing your balance, you fall on the stairs, your heels not helping your case as you could feel your entire foot spraining. You grab your foot, biting down your lip hard to prevent you from screaming due to the agonizing pain that seems to be travelling through your own body now.

Grabbing your phone, you decide to call your sister, telling her that you had an accident, asking her to take you to the hospital.

There’s no point in calling Lewis - he probably doesn’t even care that you just fell down the stairs, he definitely is not in the mood to deal with your whiny state, after all the bullshit that you just pulled on him. 

It’s just a sprained ankle, after all. You and your sister didn’t even have to stay in the hospital for long - and during the time that you were there, he didn’t call, he didn’t text you. He didn’t reach to talk to you, to try and see if you were feeling better, if you were finally able to talk it out.

You know you are asking for too much on his part, though. You definitely wouldn’t be ready to say a word if it wasn’t for your injury now, that made your boiling anger soften a bit more, making you reconsider everything that happened. 

But still, you don’t have the courage to reach him either. You’re not trying to run from all your emotional pain, you are just now noticing the guilt that’s possessing you. 

And it’s not just today. It’s not just your bad mood, or the way you turned your back on him today. However, it is the way your boyfriend seems to constantly get caught in the midst of your insecure winds that tend to wrap him, tagging him along with your thoughts and paranoia, breaking him down - even if he doesn’t realize it sometimes. 

You have been trying your best to carry all the weight of the things that you should’ve left in the past but that, somehow, still haunt you today. Putting on a façade, your heart always hurts the most at 3 am, when you’re alone or when Lewis is fast asleep, not even hearing your sounds. 

Trying your best to ignore the pain on your foot, you stand in the kitchen now, cooking your boyfriend’s favorite dish - mirroring the exact same gesture that he had for lunch, showing just how much acts of service is your love language.

Your heart races, anxiety running through you as you pray that he still decides to show up for dinner, hoping he can be capable of giving you a second chance today. You’re definitely not ready to go to sleep angry at him, definitely not sure if you can face another day alone, with the weight of your actions weighing heavy on your soul, even if you are just a victim of circumstances as well.

Taking a deep breath, you decide that this needs to change. You need to take accountability for each one of your storms, before it’s too late - before you lose the man who made you fall head over heels for him. You dread the thought of seeing Lewis turning your back at you as he leaves your life, praying that he doesn’t decide to leave before he gets to know you, the real you. 

A wave of relief washes over you as you hear the front door of your house open, signaling that Lewis decided, indeed, to show up again.

The man almost tiptoes his way to where you stand, next to the oven. He keeps his distance, silently watching you, as if he is trying to see through you, analyzing your mood, trying to understand if you’re still mad. 

You feel softer, with sadness just rushing inside your veins due to everything that took place today. You look at Lewis from the corner of your eye, not ready to break the deafening silence that’s surrounding both of your figures now - scared that you might fuck it up again. 

As you walk around to finish his food, Lewis raises an eyebrow when he sees you limping around the kitchen. His eyes follow your body, focusing on the bandage that’s tightly wrapped around your ankle now.

Concern takes care of his form now, making him kill the quiet bubble that you’re both in. 

- What’s wrong with your foot? - he questions, his voice sounding worried, but not as sweet as it used to, before. 

There’s still remains of bitterness throbbing in his chest from all the things that were said and done, but he would never, ever, not worry about you.

You shrug, downplaying what happened to you just a few hours ago.

- Just a sprained ankle, nothing much. Dinner is ready, it’s your favorite, I hope you enjoy it. - you can feel your voice trembling as you move to leave the kitchen, slowly walking your way to the living room, trying to lay on the sofa as you don’t have the courage to sit next to Lewis now. 

You can’t even look at his face, let alone inside his eyes - afraid of the feelings that you might find inside of his wounded heart. Your brain keeps whispering sweet lies to you, making you believe each one of them. And maybe what your mind tells you is true. Maybe Lewis needs some time away from you, maybe he doesn’t like this side of you just he is slowly uncovering, maybe he is rethinking a future by your side. 

You love him still, you always will. But you can’t do this by yourself, you don’t want to do life alone, but you just need to learn how to respect his decision, if he ends up leaving you for good. 

Lewis is still in the kitchen, his eyebrows knitted together as he tries to puzzle together everything that happened today. His main focus is still your injury - why did you hurt yourself and why didn’t you call him? Not even wanting to tell him what happened. And why the hell won’t you stay to have dinner with him, after cooking it?

Reaching for the living room, he takes a seat next to you, looking you in the eyes now, as his fingers slowly caress your cheek - forgetting about the fight, about the bad mood, about the stomping and sighing. His baby is hurt, and he just wants to take care of you, to be here for you. 

His silky touch is enough to make some small tears appear in the corner of your eyes, now. 

- What’s wrong, my love? I’m here to listen - his tone sounding like honey now, hitting you right in the core, softening immediately in front of him. 

A knot forms in your throat as you try your best not to cry. 

- I’m sorry about exploding in your face, this morning. I’m sorry about this side of me that I don’t really know how to tame. It really wasn’t your fault, I shouldn’t have- - you start rambling, wanting to say everything at the same time, afraid that you might run out of time, afraid that Lewis might not want to hear what you have to say anymore.  - I just want to say that I understand if you need some time away from me. - you finally admit after taking a deep breath, letting a tear fall free on your cheek. 

Your boyfriend has a confused expression splattered in his face, questioning what kind of chaos has been dominating your head lately. 

- Baby, breathe. And please, stop with the nonsense. What happened to your foot? - he decides to focus on what’s more important, now. - I fell down the stairs - you quietly replied. 

His eyes soften even more at your words, his hand moving to softly massage your hurt foot. You hiss at first, but after a second it helps alleviate the pain that was already reaching the rest of your leg.

Lewis smiles softly as he feels you relaxing at his touch, leaning his body to leave a kiss on your shoulder.

- And why don’t you want to have dinner with me? - he hums softly, applying more soft kisses on your arm, never stopping his massage on your injury. 

An embarrassed sigh escapes you.

- I told you. I think you might need some time away from me.

Lewis slowly shakes his head at your words.

- That’s complete nonsense, my love. I can’t even sleep an entire night without having you wrapped in my arms anymore, you really think I need time away from you? Don’t be silly - he informs you softly, a kind smile playing on his lips. - It’s completely okay and normal to lose our tempers sometimes, baby. It happens to all of us, myself included. And we are going to learn how to deal with all this in the best way we can, yeah? Together. 

You manage to let out a very shy nod at his words, not even knowing what to say to the way he makes you feel so special, loved and cared for. 

His lips finally find yours in a gentle, loving kiss, dancing intertwined for a moment - missing each other terribly. 

- I just want a future with you, my clumsy girl, not time away from you. In fact, I don’t want any kind of life without having you by my side. - he promises, honoring his word with another assuring kiss on your lips, allowing you to finally breathe in the oxygen that he provides you, feeling lighter as you finally wrap your arms around your man’s figure, never letting him go. 

[holdmymetaphor]

okay heres some things about houses childhood i think about

theres clearly a few dynamics here

-he hates his father, resents the abuse, recognizes that bad things were done to him

-probably when he was very young, he didnt understand why bad things happened to him, was not intentionally A Bad Kid

-because he surmised his dad was not his dad at 12 i assume the abuse started from a young age.

-house mentions ice baths and sleeping outside, but he also mentions his father not speaking to him for months at a time, which is interesting to me. when house tries to qualify the severity of abuse to eve he says "not as bad as your [trauma] if how your acting about it shows how bad it is." which to me is pretty noncommittal. was he doing that bc he was still kind of lying, trying to get info out of her? if not, it seems like house is actually unsure of how to qualify his own abuse, which would lead me to believe it was largely emotional and verbal. although i suspect that his father did physically abuse him at times, to me this exchange implies that house thinks the ice baths and sleeping outside were the worse of it (interestingly both acting on his whole body and ability to regulate temperature)

-at some point he acts out intentionally, instead of unintentionally, bc his father is Wrong and shouldnt be abusing house in these ways(the fact that the thing he wanted to hear from his father was "you were right, you did the right thing" 😭😭)

-this leads to worse and more cruel punishments, which house both detests and wants to avoid repeating. furthering his resentment, but reinforcing his fathers authority

- despite his knowledge that his father is wrong, his dad claims to do these acts out of love, to teach dicipline, to toughen him up. (in this way his struggle with god is really an allegory of his father: is it better he hates me (i deserve pain) or loves me (i dont deserve pain) when he does awful things to me? or is it better for him to not exist at all (things just happen, there is no deserving)?

-in my perspective, especially as house got older, into his teens, he was actually probably really "well behaved" finally smart enough to fake social cues and swallow his pride so that his father wouldnt hit him or what have you (which is why he regresses to a child often as an adult, because he was not allowed those things)

its interesting to me, to see how all of houses character is shaped around the shadow of his father. the parts where he is similar: rigid, principled, yell-y, and where he is intentionally different: encourages independent thinking, respects challenges to his authority (only when he has authority lmao that all falls apart when people take his power(read:agency) away, his biggest trigger)

and none of this even gets into his mother, blythe (a word which means both happiness and bland disintrest) which is a whole nother can of worms. the fact that at the funeral she said that "the war was over" (which implied that no matter how much house actually listened to his father, there was still a part of him that couldnt help but to point out the logical issues, and therefore continued abuse)

lastlly, she had said that john loved him. which i think house believes to be true. especially when he tries to talk to his dead father in season 6, he says "i think i focus on the wrong things," implying that he did want to find some peace with that relationship, and that he wanted his fathers love, despite it being illogical, painful and confusing.

that he was willing to look past the abuse was shocking to me, because house is right his father shouldnt of abused him. but it was coming from a place of love, however ill concieved.

this is as close as we get to house praying to god. to admit that the suffering of life cannot be defied or denied, and grasp for the love nestled in between all the pain, however flawed, wrong, or illogical.

in a lot of ways, his story is so much about houses struggle with the body, its agency, its disability, its doom. he literally becomes a doctor to grasp with this ideologically (at times paradoxically) instead of physics because his question isnt really about existance in general

its about why he exists in the broken, painful way he does. and at the end of it, he sets down his need for an answer, righteousness, and admits that despite it all, his body cant help but love. and that love is the death of him. the end of his suffering.

[stevie-petey]

so was billy in love with bug/did he have a crush/did SHE have a crush??????

OK OK LIT ANALYSIS TIME !!!

i feel that we need to remember that bug isnt just a reader insert (in my eyes, at least) but that shes supposed to be the warmth in the show !! the hope !! the kindness that can still persist even when everything else seems hopeless !!

its why shes such a selfless character. not because i wanted the clich "everyone loves the reader" but because she symbolizes the dandelions that creep through cracks on a sidewalk on a rainy day.

bug aside, her relationship with billy is purposely complex and muddy. for the readers, and for bug, its unclear what billy felt for her/how he viewed her. now, as the author i can tell you that billy did find her attractive, but not in a romantic sense. he viewed bug more as prey, as a tool to use against steve. he liked that she spoke back to him and could see through his persona, but bug was really more just billys next meal.

in season two, after billy has been punched by jon and he looks at steve and bug, noticing their tension, he says "oh, youre fucked harrington" because he KNEW !!! billy immediately caught that bug was steves weakness. while he flirts with her before this, knowing that steve had feelings for bug was what ultimately made billy so infatuated. he had heard all these stories about her, how she was the towns sweetheart. in his eyes, why would someone so loved by a town also be tied with steve ?

as for bug, she hates billy in season 2. he hurts max, tries hurting lucas. billy is everything vile that bug despises. it isnt until season 3, when billy has listened to maxs warnings and stayed away from bug and the party, that she starts to see him in a different light. shes still traumatized by him and she still resents how he hurt max, but she appreciates that he listened.

behind the scenes, which i do mention briefly, max tells bug about billys dad. she gets some insight into his homelife, and shes sympathetic. but it doesnt change what he did. when bug finds billy on the side of the road in season 3 after hes been flayed, she immediately wants to help him. its in her nature to, but after the events of season 2 and how he almost killed her, shes hesitant. she cant be near him, she cant touch him, but she still wants to somehow help.

and thats when she tells billy to come find her. to talk to her.

billy, lost in his possession, is struck by this. he almost killed bug. she hates him. but her words dig through the dark matter and he hears her. her kindness is the guiding light he uses for later. when billy is locked in his visions, he tries to find bug. she becomes one of his good memories, only the memories are fake. they never did smile together. bug was more his reference point, a model to go off of. he wanted to be like her. he wanted her to find him.

now for billys death ,,, it wrecks bug because max was there to see it, because billys final act was protecting his sister. she understands that better than anyone. she understands that billy had been a hurt kid. that his dad made him cruel and that violence was all he knew. billy never got the chance to become good. we only see his character grow into someone redeemable when he dies. regardless of how you feel about him (and he DOES suck i hate him), its fucking tragic. he was a kid.

billy was never given space to become good. no one was kind to him growing up. there was no softness. no warmth. billy didnt know how to be these things. but he had the potential to. and this is what breaks bug. because in another life, one where dustin and her mother werent sources of comfort, bug wouldve been consumed by her cruelty the way billy was.

thus, billys infatuation with bug and her kindess, and bugs complex relationship with her father and the anger that we are born with, ties them together.

she was his light. he was her past life.

[makib1tch]

ummm all of them 😅

OKAY OKAY THISLL BE LONG BUT ILL TRY

the character everyone gets wrong : Alnst Luka. LIKE I GET THAT PEOPLE DONT LIKE HIM BUT HE ISNT THE VILLAIN. THE ALIENS ARE THE FUCKING VILLAINS. Like I lowkey feel like he doesn’t understand that what he’s doing is wrong. Like he wants to survive. Thats how the alien taught him too. DONT GET ME STARTED ILL RAMBLE WAY TOO FUCKIN MUCH

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom: uhhh my fav is Aventurine and I see him as a switch sooooo….idk 🥲🥲🥲🥲.

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr : uuuuuuh idk sorry

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person? : idk if it counts but like I had a friend I vented to her and told her I $h and she started to insult me and yea I was having a panic attack and blocked her

worst discord server and why : I’m never on discord so idk

which ship fans are the most annoying? Not all of them (I sometimes ship it too) but aventio/ratiorine/call them what u want idc. Like. There are ratiorine shippers who are like "OOOOHOOHH AVENTURINE IS SUCH A HORNY BOTTOM WHOREEE AND RATIO IS A HORNY DOM EUZKZKALALAL" and then they go and ruin the entire fucking characters. Like I like the ship when it’s done right. When they respect the fuckin characters. Not when they ship them out of pure horniness. BUT NOT ALL OF THEM. Oh and it’s the same for Ruikasa (pjsk) shippers.

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them? : I used to hate Ratio. Because of the weird ratiorine shippers.

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about : THAT LUKA FROM

ALNST IS THE VILLAIN

worst part of canon : idkidkkdk

worst part of fanon : idk too sorry im shit at ask games

number of fandom-related words you've filtered : none

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them : Alnst Luka. Again with him. HES SUCH A FUCKIN INTERESTING AND COMPLEX CHARACTER ILOVE HIM

worst blorboficiation : the fuck is that?

that one thing you see in fics all the time : in x reader like "you have blue eyes and black hair" THEN NO THATS NOT AN X READER

that one thing you see in fanart all the time: aaaaaahh idkk I see way too much fanarts everyday

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc) : Hyuna x Luka. I don’t understand. They’re so toxic like

there should be more of this type of fic/art: anyone comforting aventurine. My baby needs comfort. I love him. I want to hug him

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on... : i don’t think people have been sleeping on but idk she still doesn’t get enough credit everyone go read @aventurineswife ‘s fics they’re so fuckin good.

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like... : those x reader fics that are written out of straight up horniness. They be having the most obscene and devious devilish things.

part of canon you found tedious or boring : the whole xianzhou luofu quest ig. Expect for Tingyun I love her. But like idk I was kinda bored in it. Maybe it’s just me idk

part of canon you think is overhyped : Himekos death in csm. Like I saw people being super sad but like…idk. I didnt feel sad for her. I felt bad for Aki since he was sad yeah. But Himeko like her death didn’t do anything for me.

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores : AAAAAAAH IDK IM SORRY

ship you've unwillingly come around to : Ratiorine, I used to hate it. Now I like it. (I’m not sure I understood the question lmao)

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse : The hospital scene in the End of Evangelion. I don’t have to explain. I think just no one should talk about it.

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing : "Denji is a dumb pervert."

OK FINALLY FINISHED I TOOK WAY TOO FUCKIN LONG TO ANSWER THIS

I’m shit at ask games sorry lmao

[lackofbrains]

i dont really know how to work tumblr posts and im not really a good writer but i wanted to write a velvet x reader story since theres hardly any on here

story info:

its kind of angst but like ends with fluff or whatever its called

so basically you’re like a pop artists along with velvet an veneer, and you’re like almost more famous than them and velvet gets really jealous and starts to hate you, but in the end she realizes she doesnt.

—————————————————————————-

y/n's POV

"so y/n your new song is at the top of the charts!" the interviewer fred or whatever his name was said, i honestly couldnt care to remember his name. "yeah. im so greatful for everyone who listens to my songs i wouldn't be here without all of you!" i replied directing the last part towards the audience in front of me. they all cheered in response and i smiled a bit, loving the attention and thankful for the fans. "awww, thats so sweet! so we need to know, is there any new songs in the making?" he asked me really prominently on the need part. "welllllll" i drug out my word trying to thing of a good response. i get really awkward and anxious around huge crowds, kind of a bad thing for a pop star but. "i may be working on a new song, look out for teasers on my instagram." im so excited for the new song to release its definitely gonna be one of my best songs yet "okay we'll make sure to check!" he glanced down at his watch, i guess the interview was finally over thank goodness. "well, y/n. looks like our interview is sadly over, it was great having you thanks so much for coming" he said "no, thank you! this was great-" i stood from the comfy sofa i was on "and thank you all for coming!" as i said that the crowd went crazy, mount rageons screaming all over the place. it was kind of overwhelming so i probably walked faster than i needed to off stage, as i got backstage i blew out a sigh of relief, thankful for the opportunity to spread my music but also thankful it was over.

                                velvets POV

"ughhhhhhh" i groaned "i cant stand her and her goody two shoes self, shes so annoyinggggg" i complained to my brother, veneer. "shes not annoying velvet, she seems really nice." he replied to me, i abruptly took my feet off the coffee table they were on and turned to him. did he really just say that to me. "why are you defending our competition!" i basically screached at him, "sorry, velvet. i wasnt lying though, you just like to see the bad in people" he sighed, crossing his arms like the sassy twink he is. "i cant stand you sometimes! its like you want us to be second best." i really did not understand why he was defending someone thats trying to take MY crown. i got up off the couch and walked away from him, i mean yeah she may be nice and pretty but shes trying to take whats mine and that cannot happen."

(time skip to some award show thingy that i just made up bc it helps the plot)

                                y/n's POV

looking around i see so many different singers, some well known, some not as much and probably werent even invited in the first place. as my eyes scan the crowd of celebrities, looking for my friend, f/n, they land on no other than veneer himself, standing with my mortal enemy, velvet. the green haired twins were my competition and i had to beat them. i honestly didnt mind veneer too much, he seemed like a nice guy. velvet on the other hand, i had a totally different opinion on. ever since she basically said my music sucked in an interview of hers, and no i don't just watch all her interviews(yes you do dont lie), i havent liked her, thats an understatement. i cannot STAND velvet.

as i was in my own little word of dislike towards the prettier twin, i didnt notice someone standing right in front of me. i looked up expecting the brown caring eyes of f/n, only to be met with cold blue eyes. i sharply inhaled, to be honest scared out of my mind "y/n!" "what are you doing here?!" the green haired girl shriecked, "i was... invited..?" i replied in a hushed tone, not being able to find my voice. "well you shouldnt of been, your music sucks, and overall you dont deserve any award." she replied, flipping her hair asif i wasnt even there? "okay... well my song on top of the months best pop song chart says otherwise" i said turning around and walking away before she could hear the last part of that, she had really pretty eyes..

"y/n!" i hear from behind me, this time from a more scruffier voice. i turned around recognizing the voice was coming from f/n. "there you are! i was looking for you everywhere." "i saw.. i also saw your run in with the twins. tell me everything!" i groaned at that last bit "no f/n it was scary enough i dont need to repeat it." i replied also turning away from him "attention! all invited pop singers, please make your way to the stage!" 'finally' i thought to myself, ive had to wait an hour and a half through the rock, country andddd rap awards.

im going absolutely insane, why did i have to be seated RIGHT NEXT TO VELVET. its like torture, i could feel her eyes on me for the whole 10 minutes it took to introduce everyone, it was awful, but sort of nice in a way.

(time skip to the actual awards bc im a horrible writer and cannot care enough to try and fill the gap with sappyness)

"andddd the award goes to-" his eyes widened as he read the slip of paper with the award winners name on it "velvet and veneer-" he was interrupted once again only this time not by himself, but by the crowd behind him going crazy "wait!" he said and they all quieted down just enough to hear him, i looked beside me and velvets smile dropped hearing him say that "AND y/n y/ln!" the crowd went even louder this time, i gasped hearing my name "well dont just sit here come get the award..s?" all three of us walked torwards him, i looked to my left towards velvet and she actually smiled at me, and not even a condescending one! we both took the awards, as we walked back to our seats, velvets arm brushed against mine, i got so flustered i had to turn away so she didnt see me blushing. i dont know why i was acting so weird i hated her... right? "congratulations to the winners of this months most amazing pop stars!!" the crowd hadnt stopped yelling yet, i was fidgeting uncomfortably in my seat, picking at my hands, feeling a panic attack coming along, when suddenly i felt a hand on top of my own, locking fingers with me. i was so shocked i didnt even wanna look because i knew the amazingly pink painted nailed hands belonged to.... velvet.

she had held my hand the rest of the show, which in reality was about 10 minutes but felt like hours with her hand in mine, her hands were so soft.

(time skip to like after the show but like not left yet bc thats so unsexy an doesnt fit my amazing plot)

i was standing around the desert table talking to f/n, well it was really him talking about how much i deserved the award and how great my music is. he really knows how to make someone feel special. i looked around for velvet spotting her talking to her brother, i really wanted to speak to her, my "hatred" for her had turned to love in less than 3 hours.

"yeah you were obviously winning the awar-" f/n was cut off mid sentence by the green haired girl that i couldnt get out of my mind "hey y/n can i talk to you?" she asked me, her cold demeanor still up but i felt like there was something under her coldness, i followed her after muttering a quick "sorry" in f/n's direction.

we finally got to a deserted hallway when she finally spoke "are you okay?" she asked, cold demeanor slipping as soon as we were alone "y-yeah why wouldnt i be?" i asked stumbling over my words abit because of the close proximity between us..

velvets POV

her stuttering was kinda cute. "because you seemed like you were gonna pass out, babe" i couldn't catch myself before the pet name slipped out, i guess its out there that i dont reslly hate y/n now. i guess i just didnt like the idea of not being on top, but now that we're both on top its kinda nice. "oh yeah that..." she trailed off, blushing a bit, either from embarrassment or the pet name, probably the latter if we're being honest. "sorry, i just get a bit overwhelmed with thr crowds and loud screaming, which i know is weird since im a pop star- so i basically signed up for this-"y/n" "and they probably saw me too and they think i hate them now- and im gonna lose the award-"y/n" "and im not gonna be able to write music anymore because everyones gonna hate me, and ill have no money- and ill be homeless and-"y/n!" i finally got her attention finally silencing the rambling girl "sorry.." she looked really upset "its okay y/n, you dont need to apologize. you did nothing wrong i promise." i replied tucking a loose strand of hair behind her hair, finally noticing how close we were. "velvet" y/n whispered, as i cupped her cheek "hm?" i hummed leaning in a bit waiting for her to initiate what was about to happen(consent is sexy) "are you sure" she muttered "mhm" and with that she finally closed the gap, her soft lips meeting mine. when we finally seperated we were both panting from the lack of air. "that was..." "great" i finished her sentence. "would you wanna maybe, you know. go out tomorrow?" i asked, still a bit flustered from the kiss. "like a date?" she said teasingly "y-yeah. a date." "of course, what time are you picking me up" she said with a smirk "is 8 good?" "see you at 8 velvs" and with that she gave me one more peck and walked away.

[doyouevenshipbr0]

i just finished live action avatar the last airbender. buckle up. obv spoilers incoming.

~

honestly just gonna list the good and the bad and give a number rating at the end. this will be long. also THIS IS JUST MY OPINION!!!! nothing i say is right or wrong. dont hurt me.

the good

sokka (ik this is controversial bc of his actor okokokok im js purely from a performance standpoint he ate)

zuko (absolutely devoured)

fight scenes!!!! obv not as good as the animated (we knew this) but i still enjoyed

zhao!!!!!! do not sleep on him he killed this!!

KIYOSHI!!! ARE U KIDDINGGG

overall loved the focus on avatars other than roku

suki/suki and sokka

attack on the air nomads… ik it was unnecessary and a little hard to watch but still was v interesting

azulaaaaa and the fact that we see her this season. LOVE this addition. also the way they added her was veryyyyy well done. didnt feel forced.

bumi/how they handled the bumi arc in general. some parts i actually like better than the og. like how aang knew he was bumi right away. makes way more sense to me.

sokka and katara has some very sweet and genuine moments

aang and gyatso reunion awwww

omg. the “twist” with the 41st division that zuko accidentally saved becoming his crew. the bestttttt change that they made. i loved this. something so small but felt SO impactful.

yue/sokka and yue. this is a BIG one bc i think the original show really lacks with how they wrote yue and especially her relationship with sokka. i think it was a lot better here.

when zhao admits at the end he was working w azula and that ozai was just using zuko to motivate azula. omg. that was such a cool thing they added

and now. the bad.

aang. JDHSKSJDJ SORRYYYY dont care! he got better as the show went on. overall acting wasnt great and the writing for him definitely did not help

katara OOPSIES HEHEHE sorry but again same thing. kind of a dull performance. where is her PASSION?!?! wanted to like her so bad bc katara is my girl and this girl was giving katara on paper but the performance was just kinda bleh. didnt hate but DEFINITELY did not love.

costumes. dying on this hill i do not care. it was giving spirit of halloween. and some of these wigs…. yue’s wig? azula’s fuck ass pieces hanging out? HOW MAI AND TY LEE LOOKED IN GENERAL?! ouch

^in general mai and ty lee did not need to be here at ALLLLL. def shouldve waited till s2 for their appearances.

where is the silliness? where is the humor? hardly tried to embody the fun spirit of the original and when it did it failed miserably.

gran gran saying the thing. that’s katara’s thing.

too much exposition dumping.

first ep was by far the worst imo. how sokka and katara came across/met aang? WOW what a let down holy shit.

they should’ve kept it as aang running away from the southern air temple. not that he went for a late night drive with appa. dont care that this is a small thing. it is a HUGE part of aang’s character.

idk how to word this one and i think ppl would disagree anyways. but they are making iroh too obviously “good”. ykw i mean? when we first meet him, we know he’s not like the rest of the fire nation but we still don’t truly know where his morals lie. this show made it too obvious too soon.

why did katara never train w pakku?? that makes 0 sense. i understand she was mostly self taught throughout s1. but the whole thing was that: yes, katara was good before pakku, but when she finally did get a master, she became EXPONENTIALLY better and really came into her own. i am not buying that she becomes the master katara we know and love without learning from pakku. so unrealistic. when zuko says “u found a master” and she said “yes ur looking at her”. oh girlboss feminism u are going to HELL!

would like to take a moment to say^^^ i am a feminist ok. do nottttt get it twisted. but girlboss feminism is brainrot.

aang. did not bend. a single drop of water. are u fucking KIDDING ME? that was nuts.

really felt like if u did not watch the original series, this show would feel SO all over the place and u would have so many “wtf is happening” moments. the whole omashu shit was kind offfffff a mess. i see where they were going and why they were doing that but in hindsight after the fact i was like… if i knew nothing ab this show that would have been the most confusing clusterfuck.

and i think my biggest/most general complaint that i already talked about that i will briefly touch on: trying to do too much. why are we putting in characters and plot points that do not come till seasons 2-3 and are completely unnecessary now (secret tunnel, wan shi tong, swamp-kinda episode, etc.)

final thoughts?

it was enjoyable. i cannot deny that. landscapes were gorgeous. fights were well choreographed and looked GOOD. some changes were genuinely made for the better, and even changes that i do not necessarily think were better, i could respect the creativity of some changes and understood why they were there. but overall, as most live action remakes go, this was a flat portrayal of one of the greatest pieces of fiction of all time that suffered from some overly ambitious ideas and dull writing with little to no sense of whimsy. while some performances exceeded expectations, others that were crucial to the integrity of this show really disappointed me.

overall: 6.6/10. this number is completely subject to change.

[ask-knowledgekeepers]

"Wisteria...?" Noir called out to the mismagius seeing the face as he gulped "You are wisteria correct ?" he asked almost carefully the feeler reaching out to the ghost type giving soft caress on cheek "What happened...?" he was stunned to see the emotionless pokemon before shaking his head pulling Ivy in a gentle hug "Sorry, I didnt mean to ask so bluntly... I feel like you need this..." he chuckled softly "Im here for you, you know ?"

Ivy seemed to calm down at the Sylveon's reassuring words, she just nervously looked away and muttered a faint "I'm sorry."

She cringed as his ribbon touched her cheek, for some odd reason, the ghost was expecting something worse. Though she wasn't sure why. From what she could recall about him, Noir wasn't a cruel or mean Pokemon. Though she couldn't be sure, her memories of them were a bit hazy.

Ivy instantly backed away at the question, she looked like she was about to say something but quickly went silent. Her gaze fell to the floor as she refused to answer. Noir didn't seem to push the matter either much to her relief. However, She didn't have time to react before Noir pulled her into a loving but firm hug.

She quietly sniffled as tears began streaming down her face, it'd been so long since she cried. Years even, now that she was she couldn't seem to stop herself. As all the memories began to flood back Ivy cuddled into Noir's hug, despite the sudden emotional pain she was hit with, she was glad someone she knew from the past was here to at least soothe it.

→ Ivy will now respond "normally" to those who know her as Wisteria. → Noir has been added to her [Family] on the Relationships Page. → Ivy is unavailable for asks until further notice.

- Mod note below -

For those who do not know who Noir is, Noir is one of the Pokemon who adopted Wisteria (Now Ivy) on @ask-north. She considers them to be one of her parents. Wisteria cared a lot for Noir, her one wish was for him to not forget her.

If you would like to see their interactions here is a list:

Original Noir and Wisteria Interaction

Original + Noir's Reply

Reply 2

Noirs Reply 2

If you enjoyed this post even slightly you have Sleepy to thank for that! They're the one that originally came up with the interaction. They were even kind enough to doodle it out then send me this ask, I just adapted it into my own style and added my own flare to it.

This post has been in the works since January of this year, I had to redraw this twice due to being unhappy with my style and the flow. I'm very pleased to finally feel confident enough to post it.

=======

I'm also happy to say this will be the last Ivy-related ask I will be answering (for now). For those sick of Ivy, I'm sure you're very glad to hear that. I love her a lot, and I'm very annoying about it. I understand. I know you've all stuck with me this long and I'm very thankful for that, especially with my ups and downs of returning only to disappear into the void again.

I did have a majority of the "Pretender" arc drawn and sketched and ready to go but I scrapped it due to a random sudden hate for how my art style looked. I unfortunately still have a lot of confidence issues with my art that I'm trying to work through. I just want y'all to know all of your love for my art and story really helped me gain it back. Knowing people like my content brings me so much joy, I hope I can continue to share the world and story I've built with everyone here.

And also, I assure you there are only Klaus-centered posts from here on. Well... until after a certain event happens that will bring the Pretender act to a close. Then I have to drag Ivy back in, Sorry not sorry! She doesn't sit in the Main character's box for nothing. /lh You'll get to meet her granddaughter very soon along with a little gremlin cat. 🤭

[myfirstpoetrybook]

good omens scene draft !!

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

It was as if, in the blink of an eye, the bell had rung and the odd lady was standing in his shop. The crow on her shoulder was still, croaking out a small sound every now and again.

Her clothes were tattered and old, just as old (if not older) as Aziraphale’s cotton shirt and waistcoat. she was clean, but unsteady on her feet as she approached the ever so cautious angel.

“oh, good morning!” she said happily, voice a bit strained, “I do hope you could forgive such an intrusion, but could you point me to an apothecary? I’m not from around here,”she had an odd sort of accent, like she hadn’t spoken to a young person, well, ever, actually.

when Aziraphale didn’t respond, simply staring bemusedly, she continued.

“I seem to have run out of willow bark, and i’m simply too weak to go collecting any, the trees are quite a trek away from my cottage. i was hoping i could find some around here..” she trailed off.

Well, the poor lady clearly needed help. what kind of angel would he be to deny her ?

“Why, certainly, dear,” Aziraphale said after some consideration, “i have some in my shop, actually. perhaps you would like to sit with me for tea before you go?”

He does not have any willow bark. He reasons that the woman is clearly ill, and a small miracle wouldn’t hurt. besides, he wants to get to know her better. she’s… familiar, but he can’t quite place her.

she ponders the proposition for a moment. the crow croaks in her ear, and it’s as if she gave into whatever it told her. with shaking knees, she says with a small smile, “well, a little tea never hurt anybody.”

Aziraphale leads her to the back of the bookshop, sitting her down and leaving to fuss with the kettle. the crow croaks once again and spreads its wings, and Aziraphale suddenly realizes the danger to his books this bird poses.

“Um, i hope that your…companion,” he couldn’t think of a better term, “will stay put. i’d hate to have to repair any more books,” he says, trying to be as polite as possible.

“Oh, Nancy?” the woman asks, pointing to the crow, “Oh, don’t worry, she’s absolutely lovely! she will stay right here, won’t you, Nance?” she says, putting her finger to the crow’s beak.

Aziraphale smiles, going back to the tea. He prepares three cups, as Crowley is bound to come in soon.

“Pardon my manners, miss, but i haven’t caught your name. I’m Mister Fell,” he introduced himself with a hand on his chest.

The woman seemed a bit stunned at the question, but recovered quickly enough.

“Oh! Oh, I’m Lilith,” the stranger said with a warm smile.

Aziraphale stops in his tracks. He thinks back to the poor, curious girl in the Garden, crying in confusion as she doesn��t understand why she’s being cast out of her home.

he shakes himself out of his stupor. with nothing better to say, he settles on, “Your mother must have been very interesting to have come up with such a name.”

the woman frowns. “Mother?” and then, a split second later, “Oh, yes, quite. I mean, I think. Didnt know her much.”

finally, Aziraphale sets the tea between them. the woman does not seem to want to talk any longer.

They drink their tea in a comfortable silence, interrupted only by the clinking of porcelain cups and the croaking of a very sleepy crow.

The ringing of a doorbell sounds through the shop for the second time today. Crowley walks in, swagger in his step as he walks to the back.

“You’re welcome, angel. i secured us tickets to the play you were raving on about,” he calls through the shop, and when he gets to Aziraphale, the angel is standing by the table with a most peculiar woman sat opposite him.

“Crowley, my dear,” he begins, his eyes flitting between the two people in the room. “This is Lilith. Be nice.”

the demon is left standing there, taking in the situation.

“Angel, a word.” he says, giving the woman a look so pointed she understands even through the sunglasses.

Aziraphale stammers. “But i-“ though the look on Crowley’s face is enough. Resigned, he follows him.

They move to another end of the bookshop. Crowley takes his glasses off, giving Aziraphale a very intense look.

“What the hell!” He shout-whispers. “Who the hell is that! Why does she look like that! Why is there a crow on her shoulder!” he all but yells out.

“Okay, that’s entirely unnecessary,” Aziraphale scolds him. “She walked in, saying she was sick and needed willow bark. I just made her tea and gave her some, that’s all.”

“Since when do you have willow bark in the shop?!”

“I didn’t, but she seemed to be in desperate need of it!”

Crowley sighs, exasperated. “Angel,” he says slowly, “have you stopped to ask why she needs willow bark? and why she’s dressed like that?”

Aziraphale frowns. “She’s perfectly kind, you know. You could at least try actually talking to her before passing judgement.”

“Fine.” Crowley says, frustrated. “Let’s chat, then.”

When they get back, the woman is just as she was before, if a bit healthier-looking. Crowley collapsed into the chair before her.

“So Lilith,” he draws out her name, “where are you from?”

She blinks once, twice before she responds.

“Oh, a small community, really… a garden of sorts. Not many people at all. Mostly just critters.”

It’s Crowley’s turn to blink excessively.

“Right.” he says, and, unbeknownst to her, narrows his eyes. “And where is that?”

“Oh, you know…” she makes a few vague hand gestures here, “Just… Around here…”

Crowley hums. Then he leans over the table, expression dark and threatening and takes off his glasses.

“Who are you and what the hell are you doing here?”

The woman should have been scared, really. She should have been petrified, scrambling to run away.

Instead, as Aziraphale watched her, he saw the look of recognition on her face.

“Oh, bollocks.”

Before anyone could say anything, the woman was pulling out some sort of item, and ingesting it. Within a split second, a cat is running away from where the woman once sat.

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

im planning to add this to a fic im writing !! ill add a link when the first chapter is up <3

[packet-of-staples]

I've been meaning to answer this!! Sorry it took me so long.

So when I say hilariously bad, I mean in like its objectively a bad horror movie but it is also really fun and enjoyable. It may have been the wrong phrasing really. Maybe enjoyably bad would have been better.

I really enjoyed the Fnaf movie!! It was a lot of fun and I loved how the animatronics looked. As a Fnaf fan (though only recently, I wasnt there for the big boom) I enjoyed all of the references. While the decision to make the animatronics more sympathetic and child like was unexpected I actually really enjoyed it!

Matthew Lillard was definately a highlight, even if he wasnt there a lot and I actually really enjoyed Mike's character and his relationship with Abby.

Also the animation on the cupcake was fucking hilarious, that mf was just flying around and going ham on people's limbs. Why did it look like that.

The opening music was absolutely banger and the animation was a great reference to the games. I enjoyed that a lot.

The sets where really awesome, I loved what they did with the lighting in the pizzeria and did I say the animatronics looked awesome? They looked awesome. They looked just like the game counterparts and the way they movied looked so accurate and ough, I love costumes. Spring trap looked fucking awesome too, I really enjoyed art direction in the movie.

But, it is still critically a bad movie, there were quite a few problems that I noticed. The pacing was off in a lot of places. While I liked the scene of the characters playing with the animatronics, it went for far too long and I found myself sitting there wondering when they were going to move on. There also definately should have been more Afton, not just because I like Matthew Lillard in the role but because it felt like spring trap was kind of shoehorned in at the end because they needed that final scene. If you knew nothing about Fnaf or the fact that Lillard was supposed to be Afton, you probably would have no idea he was actually the killer. I feel like there should have been more scenes of Mike and Afton interacting that included hints to who he really is.

I really hated Vanessa. She felt so unnecessary, contradictory and was just kind of annoying. She was apparently supposed to be keeping Mike in the dark but I didnt get that from her at all? Like she was constantly giving him lore, telling him to keep Abby away from the Pizzeria and was just overall helping him? She was also just far too familiar and friendly when they first met it just came off as, is annoying the right word? It definately felt weird. I understand she wanted to try and expose her father, but her actions, I dunno they didn't reflect that all that well? I was never really sure what her motivations were. The fact that she was a cop was so unnecessary too, why did she need to be a police officer? It was never used in any meaningful way. Also she just throws Mike's medication into the river!! Who does that!! She also felt shoehorned in for the sake of having an adult female lead that could be a possible love interest in another movie. Her character could have been so much better and she feels like wasted potential. Maybe I'll make a post about how I would rewrite her...

The whole Aunt trying to take Abby away also felt unnecessary. It doesnt get enough focus on it to feel like an actual threat and it really didn't need to be there. Mike could have just been a struggling guy who had to take the night shift to put dinner on their table. Abby still could have needed to come with him some nights. I honestly dont know why that plot point was in the movie tbh. The plot with the babysitter spying on them was even more pointless and if you wanted a scene where people break into the pizzeria there could have been a better way of doing it. Maybe one of Abby's schoolmates' siblings overhears her talking about the pizzeria decides that would be a great place to vandalize idk.

Mike's dream theory stuff was actually really interesting and cool! I really enjoyed that, but I wish it was focused on more. Maybe it would have been better in a different movie where it was the focus, rather than more of a side thing to the animatronics. The dream stuff did also shelve any use of the cameras in the pizzeria, which upset me because the cams are one of the key elements of the fnaf games. But instead he was just sleeping through scenes where they could have been used. The dreams also could have been a good use to hint at Afton being the killer if it was used a little bit better.

Lastly and most importantly, the movie was not scary. I know it was supposed to be for younger audiences, but still. For a movie based on a game about avoiding getting jumpscared, there were barely any of them! Funnily enough the scariest part of the movie was balloon boy, the jumpscare. I also just didnt feel tense at all? Maybe that was just me.

Despite all of this though, the movie was still enjoyable. It was a movie that I liked! The problems didnt take too much from my viewing experience and as I said I loved the references to the games. The final scene where Afton is getting Fnaf 3ed was fucking awesome! I loved how they incorporated that into the movie! Also he said 'I'll always come back.' Which was very good. Mat Pat was a nice cameo to see too! Loved the theory man. I wish that cassette girl said 'The animatronics do get a little quirky at night.' Though. ALSO THE MARRIONETTE CRUMBS IN THE END CREDITS?? I LOVE MARRIONETTE!!

Enjoyably bad definately reflects how I felt about the movie more than hilariously bad. It was a good bad movie 6/10.

[bridgyrose]

Ruby manage to drag Cinder and her team to join her friends. When Yang asks why Cinder looks older than everyone else, she... sort of tells the truth? "I trained under a hunstman and got into the academy through recommendetion."

“And these are my teammates: Yang, Blake, and Weiss.” 

Cinder put up a small smile as she looked over Ruby’s team, doing her best to put up a polite face while not trying to look like she was scheming for a way out of this meeting. Not that she didnt want to be around Ruby, she desperately wanted to make sure Ruby would no longer be an issue with the way she kept getting in the way, but the idea of making friends with her team still seemed to have its own issues. “Its nice to meet you.” 

“You… dont seem to be a first year,” Yang pointed out. “With the way Ruby talked about you, I figured you’d be about our age.” 

“Well, we are in our third year, just a bit… lost around Beacon with how much different it is from Haven,” Cinder said plainly, pulling her arm to her chest. “And besides, not everyone gets the opportunity to start at seventeen for these kinds of schools. I got lucky that I had some training with a huntsman and was able to get sponsored by someone to even make it to Haven.” 

“Who did you end up training with?” Blake asked. “If you dont mind me asking.” 

Cinder felt the memories coming flooding back, her eyes widening a bit as her smile faded and fingers started to twitch for a moment as they tried to wrap around the hilt of a blade that wasnt there. She could still hear his words running through her mind, her breath hitching as she heard Rhodes’ voice as if he was still in front of her. 

“All you’ll do is run.” 

Cinder instinctively flinched as she felt a hand on her shoulder, sharply pulling away.

“Are you okay?” Emerald asked, pulling her hand back. 

“I’m fine.” Cinder closed her eyes for a moment and took a breath, her fingers heating up as she tried to relax. “His name was Rhodes. He and I met when I was about ten and he trained me for a few years. Then, one day, he died while on a mission. A fight broke out at a hotel, killing him and the hotel owner along with her daughters. I was already on my own when I heard about it, but… I never really stopped wanting to be a huntress. So I did what I could to be one. I was sixteen when I was taken in and trained a bit more, and made my way to Haven at eighteen to finally live my dream.” 

“I understand what you went through,” Blake said with a soft smile, her bow twitching slightly as she recognized the look in Cinder’s eyes. “But, you’re here now and moving forward, right? That at least counts for something and I’m sure Rhodes would be proud of you.” 

Cinder rolled her eyes and started to walk off. “Right… he’d be proud of me.” 

“Where are you going?” Ruby asked. 

“To get some air,” Cinder said quietly as she walked out the dorm and started to make her way to the training hall. Her left hand stayed at her side, looking for a weapon that wasnt at her hip, clutching around at the fabric of her uniform. She didnt know when her heart started to race or when she realized she could barely breathe, walking on autopilot as her mind raced with memories from the Glass Unicorn. *He’d be proud,* she thought, a few tears starting to well up around her eyes. “He’d hate me if he could see me.” 

“And what makes you say that?” 

Cinder turned around, using her semblance to heat the sand in her pocket to make an obsidian blade, pointing it at Blake. She lowered her blade with a heavy breath, her fingers tapping the hilt. “Why are you following me?” 

“I saw the look in your eye when you spoke about Rhodes,” Blake said as she walked up to Cinder. “You saw him die, didnt you?” 

Cinder sheathed her blade and gave a small nod. “I guess you could say that I’m the reason he died. If it wasnt for me, he’d still be here and maybe he’d be proud. But… he’s not and he wouldnt be.” 

“He wouldnt be proud of you being a huntress?” 

“He wouldnt be proud of how I’m doing it. Besides, it doesnt matter. The huntsman system is broken with huntsmen ignoring those who need help and just going after what will get them money and fame.” 

“Then we can fix it.” 

Cinder stared at Blake, suddenly lost. “Fix it?” 

Blake nodded and smiled. “‘That’s what we’re here for, isnt it? To make the world better.’ Ruby told me that when we first met. I thought it was a bit childish before, but she has a point. We may not live in a world where everyone gets a happy ending, but we can do everything in our power to try to ease other’s burdens.” 

Cinder looked away, gently putting a hand to her neck, clutching at where the shock collar she used to wear had sat. The world had to be reshaped, that’s why she had followed Salem for so long. And yet… 

Cinder was pulled out of her thoughts as she felt Blake’s hand holding her own, pulling her down the hall. “And where are you taking me?” 

“You were heading to the training hall, right? How about we train for a bit to clear your mind, and then I can show you to a quiet spot where you can relax after.” 

Cinder smiled a bit. “As long as you can keep up.”

[bitchapalooza]

Piers being actually kind of weird is one of my fav things to think about tho and I'm gonna spew about.

Like Piers is adhd-autistic. He takes medicine for his adhd so he can actually function right enough to survive in a world of too much going on, even tho it kind of makes him seem a little too low on energy. And when he's off his meds, it's like a free comedy show. Like he's not the best when it comes to calling in his refills. He doesn't hate talking on the phone, he just doesn't know how to carry a conversation on it because he cannot see the person in front of him. Anyway, there can be like a week at most before he finally gets back on them sometimes, but most times it isnt really that long. And in that week it's always a treat. Because he unmasks at home. So it's all out there. He has breached containment. No one can tame him now.

I think he vocal stims a lot, mostly with thinking outloud but also word repetition.

Piers: Squirtle are like mobile homes but alive. They have houses on their backs. Why didnt WE evolve to be like? I wouldn't have to pay rent because I would have been born with my house! Could you figure that? Not paying rent. Never having to worry about homelessness. ...anyway, itS FUN TO STAY AT THE Y M C A! *continues the song in a mumble as he continues washing dishes with a little dance*

Gordie, to his phone, which is live streaming: This is what I live with. All you Piers simps are attracted to this. And I live with it. Yeah, I am dating that. We share a bed. Imagine waking up to this everyday—

Piers: What up, I'm Jared, I'm 19, and I never fucking learned how to read!

Gordie: I know why I'M attracted to it, but why are YOU GUYS attracted to it?

And also

Piers: Hey, babe, look at the new lamp I bought today put of pure impulse.

Gordie: Its a mermaid with her tits hanging out. I love it actually.

Piers: I know right! It's fucking gorgeous! We can use her nipples as a key hook. I mean look at how wrong they sculpted them. It's so bad. I want twenty more of them.

Gordie: Okay but we have to put it away when my mom visits.

Piers: But I want to show off my mertitties! Gordie, it's imperative I show everyone my fishy-tits. Like it super important people see my boobie-buoies. My—

Gordie: Okay! Okay, Piers, I get it. You want everyone to see your pornographic lamp. I understand.

[maldito-arbol]

OKAY SO UHM. HEART YEAH?!? Yeah. Uhm. I didnt Know what to expect when i saw the ‚heart appears in this chapter‘ tw but. I will at least give them that it was not as bad a tw as normal with them.

And in Heart‘s defence they literally show up trying to make sure Anne‘s body doesnt start deteriorating and then while theyre there everyone starts yelling at them about how much they hate them and want them to leave immediately. Like all things considered they handled that Great with only the slightest bit of accidental violence

My notes started getting a bit sparce when they showed up because i just. If i didnt i would have put Everything in here. Its like. I dont even know where to start like What. The way they talk to Witney man…. And like. BRO WHEN WITNEY STOOD UP TO THEM SO REAL. that moment when u finally get the courage to stand up for urself because u wanna help out ur new bestie because shes missing her gf who almost died and just wants to hug her for a little bit. Don’t even get me STARTED on Marcy‘s argument about Witney being a different person now,,,,,,,,, the BELOVEDS. I love them. Time to be insane over Heartney forever and ever again now welp

Like I have said, having Heart show up was one of the parts I was MOST excited for.

NOBODY likes Heart. That’s the funny part. Besides Witney, everyone who interacts with them in this chapter harbors an intense amount of resentment for them, whether they’ve been harmed by Heart or had a loved one that was. And even Witney is starting to see them in a more negative light. Not one person was comfortable with them being able to just walk around. And can you blame them? The last time most of the Wartwoodians saw them, they were attacking Sasha and breaking the music box. This is all very dangerous territory, and they have no idea that Heart and Anne have been talking, or that Anne is giving them some trust. This is just another game, another trick.

Heart knows that’s how they feel. They’re used to everyone around them absolutely despising them. So they know now to handle this situation delicately. I also think it went great, even if there was some accidental violence. Harming Maddie was entirely an accident, and what’s extra interesting is that Maddie actually recognizes it as an accident while her friends are very quick to point fingers. Maddie is the least affected by Heart’s presence since she’s never had direct contact with them before now. So her bias about them is not nearly as awful, and it allows her to see when they didn’t mean to hurt her. We have to appreciate Maddie for keeping a cool head during this whole incident and largely being the one to suggest waking Heart back up. If not they might’ve been trapped in the purple void until Anne woke up. How horrible would that be?

Oh Heartney…. My beloved. There’s something that can be said about how Heart’s spoken to Witney like this for a thousand years and how jarring it is now that Witney just doesn’t take it anymore. I like how Heart is genuinely surprised when Witney says no to them. Imagine all the messed up things that Heart’s done that Witney’s just. Gone along with. Standing up for herself and deciding she can form her own opinions is huge for her character development. Witney deserves better and it’s about damn time he realized it himself. I particularly like this section:

“Forgive me for not trusting you at present,” Witney prefaces. “But I have someone to protect now. You understand, don’t you?” Even Marcy can tell this pains her to say. Every word is a struggle, every sound hurts more and more and it’s remarkable she can stand her ground in the face of their biggest threat at present, but it must be different now that she has Marcy. 

They let out a small chuckle. “Looks like I’m not the only one who’s attached. What happened to you, Wit?”

“Time,” she tells them. “And more kindness and care in one person than two centuries of twisted maniacs.”

They relax, finally, allow Marcy her clinging for now because Witney’s not going to let up either. 

“It’s a good thing,” they say. “What are we if not for our vessels? I was beginning to think you’d never care.”

The difference between Witney and Heart has always been their perceptions of their vessels. Witney spent so long being afraid of hers meanwhile Heart was extremely possessive and controlling of theirs. They believe now that Witney has changed for the better in terms of fiercely defending his vessel, but with it comes the territory of Witney gaining a lot more autonomy. Now she can make her own decisions, and that means Heart’s control over him has begun to slip. While this should be a good thing overall, it also means there will be arguments between the two of them, because now Heart can’t just get everything they want from Witney. They aren’t used to this. They will have to get used to it.

And I like how Marcy is so insistent that Witney’s a different person now. She out of the gems has changed the most drastically since a thousand years ago, but the other two don’t tend to recognize it. Heart in particular keeps trying to treat him the same way they did a thousand years ago, and it simply will not work anymore. She just isn’t who she was then. There will be a new dynamic between the three of them from now on.

Will join u for sure <3 I hyperfocus on each gem ship at different times but I come back to Heartney so often it’s ridiculous. I love these little funky dudes

[itllbejustlikebefore]

11, 16, 19, 23

11. number of fandom-related words you’ve filtered

about 20 lmao. i have a lot of lovely mutuals that post things i am simply Sick of seeing. filtering content is a godsend fr

16. you can’t understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

for amphibia: anne being dumb. like sure she didnt get good grades in school but that isnt the greatest measurement of intelligence and so many ppl portray her in fanworks as just being super dumb. very cringe. im glad the finale showed what she was capable of after actually applying herself, that was def a highlight for me

for homestuck: lesbian rose. im sorry. that girl is so bisexual to me

19. you’re mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like…

some parts of the owl h*use. some of the concepts are actually pretty solid theyre just handled in the WORST way possible. i kinda want to just like...... pick amity up by the back of her shirt and gently place her in a better show LMAO

23. ship you’ve unwillingly come around to

the funniest answer to this one is probably davekat. i liked it in the comic, then the shippers/oversaturation of content kinda ruined it for me (ok maybe not ruined but made me just kinda not care about it) but then seeing other ppl hate on it so much made me want to Defend it. so i made my epic sideblog @davekat-is-ok. origin story or something

[flower-blooming-in-hell]

i need to scream into the void for a minute here bc like. idk who i can tell this who will understand

just rambling abt mental health (ptsd + depression mainly) and transitioning

but just. !!!!!!!!! i just took my first dose of T!!!!!!!! i officially have my androgel at home! and i just applied it to my skin!! and im waiting for it to dry a lil bit more before i put anything on it (like the sweater im gonna wear to bed tonight)

and im like. i could honestly cry rn not in a bad way but in a "this has been coming for such a long time and im so excited for the future right now" kinda way

i think a reason ive always disliked myself is bc i hate being a girl honestly

my voice is too high and feminine, and my face has never looked like my own (though that could also have to do with the did but still)

im currently planning on ending up looking more androgynous atm, but honestly im on a low dose so i can see which changes i want and how far i want to go

tbh im thinkin i might just end up going all the way tho? not sure

or. all the way isnt the right words but yknow what i mean basically lol

its ? very interesting figuring myself out like this

like im not fully confident on who i am but i know what i want, and i dont want to be a girl. i never really have, and i knew that at a young age. and to a point i do identify with "girl/woman" but thats only bc i was raised one, so i have similar experiences to a lot of ppl who could be called girls/women

plus my mom is def bioessentialist (which i need to look up counterarguments for that tbh) and i love her to death but she just doesnt really understand ... a lot of things

plus yknow. trauma . ive never gotten to fully be myself - i have always been what other people want me to be. its... an experience and a learning curve, finally figuring out who and what i am.

tbh this feels similar to when i got published (technically. it was a competition thing and a prize was getting published alongside others) with the like ... sheer positive emotion and wanting to cry and shaking with the excitement of what ive achieved and get to have

its really weird, being this happy. i didnt think id ever get to feel this way, or that id be excited for the future or have plans for it like i do right now. ive always had the feeling of "theres more things i have to do, so im not finished here." but its never really come out as starkly as it is now.

im really, REALLY happy.

yknow, sometimes i look back on my abuser and think that we were made for each other, and that ill never achieve anything greater than having dated them

and i think this is the first time its actually fully setting in and really occuring to me that i can have a life without them. i dont need them. i never did, and i didn't truly gain anything from being so close to them for so long.

and while i will always be resentful for having to grow up so fast and that i spent so much time on them, and there are still a lot of times that i'm upset with myself for being so unfailingly kind and giving and resilient, times where i wish i broke and wasn't here anymore, i'm truly glad that i didn't and i'm still here.

and i'm happy that i'm not with them anymore.

and i'm glad that i got to have this. and that nobody i currently know will speak negatively about this to me.

sometimes it feels a lot like i move on from them in jagged bits and pieces of glass, like im tugging them out of my skin years after impact

this feels a lot less like that, and more like...

ever since they came into my life, ive felt like . corrupted, evil, gross, whore, etc compared to their bright white purity. like i could never measure up

i think this is the first time in years where ive actually felt pure, in any kind of way

excited for the future, happy, not focused on anyone but myself, confident.

ive always wanted a truly clean slate. and now i have that

i have a better idea of things i want now too, and ive been taking better care of myself as well, and i have so much more energy

i still wish they could see and that theyd be proud of me, instead of whatever the hell manipulative gaslighty bs theyd think up

but im not thinking about them that much either

this is something that i want, and the focus is rightfully on me

...its a slightly weird feeling, but i dont feel selfish for it, for once

[drivingmissloki]

Just throwing this into the world

It's not happy.

I have reached a point in like my life where I am just wondering. Where do I go from here. I am disabled nearly forty year old adult. My issues are mental health related and only get worse not better. Manageable with medication to prevent me from extreme highs or lows but as a whole. It’s worse. 

Most of my family (Father, Stepmother, Aunt, Grandmother, and even my mother (to a smaller degree)) operate under this idea that if I just take my meds and get over it. I’ll be fine. I’ll be able to get a normal job. Be able to get my head on straight and be ‘normal’. The specifics of my issues aren’t super relevant at this point and even then this is only a small portion of the whole current issue that doesn’t just involve me, but involves my entire household. Though I will say that if it was as simple as getting over it and moving on. I probably would have by now. I am just saying. Of course, they like to say I am just lazy and THAT’S why. Which you know easy to lay blame in certain areas I guess and I do understand why it would seem that way. 

I’ve lived in Texas my entire life. I was not born here but I would have been if my dad (who was in the Navy) wasn’t stationed in San Diego when I was born. Which honestly, at this point I wish I had grown up in California. It’s not perfect but there are definitely appealing aspects to being at that way (health care?) or any democratic state really. But no. I am in texas. A state that’s so republican racists sit in their houses stewing over the fact that people from mexico (and south america) want to get into texas (which ironically used to be a part of mexico - Louisiana purchase anyone) 

When I was a kid I was adamantly against politics because I was a kid and that kind of things was boring. I’d like to say my childhood was idyllic but it was definitely far from it. I grew up in the houston metro area (which is any of a billion smaller towns surrounding houston). I’d like to say I didn’t go through some shit, but I did. 

The first time I dealt with a man touching me I was probably 4 or 5. He was the boyfriend of my mom who decided I wanted to be in on the action (I was not in the bed with them or anything. I was in another room those were just his actual words. Cause he’s gross). I told my mom what happened and I would like to say that she left him but she didnt right away. I was never around him again though and the relationship did not last long at all. Obviously, that reaction wasn’t ideal. I don’t hate my mom for any of that. I do remember it though. 

Sadly, this was not the only time. People who pray on children (women are predators too) are too damn good at spotting people that are vulnerable. They’re good at manipulating us and sadly this one was a bit closer to home. My grandmother’s husband. His name was Herbert (Ironic if you’re a family guy fan) Starting at the age of probably 5 until I was 18 years old I dealt with his bullshit. It didn’t stop at just touching and no I won’t go into details. I don’t think I have to. 

During those years I had a lot of behavioral issues. It was chalked up to ADHD (which I do actually have) but no one looked any deeper. At 14. I told my Aunt what was happening. Despite the threats I’d been feed my entire childhood by him I finally oufnd the courage to open my mouth and talk. I got told not to tell my grandmother. To not tell anyone and it continued for 4 more years. This is a truth my aunt adamantly denies ever happening. She has a really bad habit of just pretending shit she doesn’t want to deal with never even happened. Or maybe she does truly erase it. Maybe that’s how she deals with her own trauma. Acts as if it never existed. It’s also easy for her to gloss over it because for her. It wasn’t a core memory. For me it was. I remember exactly where we were. What I was looking at when the worlds tumbled from my mouth and what I continued to stare at when I realized there was no help. My mother’s husband was also abusive in a different way. A strict disciplinarian kind of way. I’ve made my peace with him as best I can. I think he’s realized some things. 

When I was 25 I finally did tell my grandmother. I got accused of only doing it for various reasons none of which were good enough, but it still boiled down to I should have kept my mouth shut. Right?

I disappeared to DC for a while lived homeless made friends came back home. I’ve still got people telling me I just need to get over things and move on. Get over it. Worker harder. Be better. Stop being so lazy. Etc etc etc. 

Now to now and while I feel like I have no where to proceed. 

I live with my mom. I am disabled as is my younger brother who has schizophrenia 

(I personally have Anxiety, Depression, bi-polar disorder, a (un)healthy dose of PTSD from childhood sexual trauma AND ADHD, but it’s fine I’ll get over it.) My mom is not disabled but she has a whole litany of health issues that makes it hard for her to work consistently (I,E. she really is unhealthy and should be receiving help but the govt basically told her that 20 years spent as a stay at home mother means nothing (even though that’s where they want us) and she gets to suffer without insulin or high blood pressure meds and have neuropathy in her feet legs hads etc) because women don’t mean shit in this country as proven with the overturn of ROE. We are expendable. 

We live essentially paycheck to paycheck. Often having to choose between food or a bill. Existing in a space where we are still paying on a car that we had to replace the engine in once (we replaced the whole engine a month and half into getting it) and are already looking at it breaking down again. Because we can barely afford food or bills my mom owes a ton of taxes on her house that we cannot afford to pay. We are having our water shut off on the 16th due to an inability to pay water tax or whatever the fuck it is. So where do we go from here? No running water (next week) 

What are some other things that broke and can’t afford to fix: Dishwasher. Kitchen Sink. Bathroom toilet leaksx2. Shower won’t drain properly. We have NO Central AC for 5 years (which also means no heater during that really bad freeze). We were able to get a window unit last year (we can only have it in one room because if we put it in any rooms not facing the back yard we will get reported to the HOA. When our AC initially broke they basically told us we were SOL and could not switch to a window unit full time. In fucking Texas. Where it often gets into the triple digits. 

We live in a world where the suffering of other humans is ignored. Out of sight. Out of mind. This isn’t a purely republican issues. Establishment StatusQuo democrats much to often bend the knee to maintain their space in whatever place they want to be elected to. They will nod and smile and do what these old men ask them to. 

So where do we go from here. In a household where we have no option but to hang on until they rip the house out from under us. Where do we go? What do we do. Even homeless shelters around here operate on a “Well you need to try and get a job” Ma’am I am disabled (I do have one I’ve just been fighting with ADA accommodations for 2 months anyway) I tried to apply for food stamps to lessen some of our financial burden. Qualified for 15 dollars. Every person charity. Organization I’ve called just sends us to the next person. NO one has any answers. The sad thing is. This kind of thing isn’t unique to my family. So many people in this country (and the world, but we’re talking about the US rn. I can’t speak for everywhere else) are suffering too. 

I’ve been homeless. It’s not fun. As many jokes I make about literally everything. I don’t know if I can personally handle it again. Where does that leave me. Or anyone who has zero options. 

I’d love to leave this fucking country but even then. I have nothing to offer anywhere we go. I am disabled. My brother is disabled. My mom needs medications we literally cannot afford. I am so fucking exhausted and any time I try to talk to or vent frustrations to my family. I just get told it will get better. Or that I just need to try harder. Worker harder. Get over it. Move on. Be better. You can do it ok. No No I can’t. I know I can’t. I know my limits. It’s not a lack of desire that’s preventing me from wanting to DO better. You think I want to live like this? You think i want to not even be able to just go to a movie every now and again and just ENJOY myself?

A fucking night at the movies shouldn’t be that hard and yet. It is. 

You think I want to be this person. My grandfather (Paternal) helped put men on the moon and I am sitting here. Accomplishing fuck all because I can’t be around most men without having a panic attack and disassociating. God if I could get over it. I definitely would have. 

Hell. Members of my family (my aunt) still commemorate my rapist every year on his birthday. On father’s day. Post his photo with a heart and say “I miss you.” Next to a picture of her ACTUAL father. 

I will say that watching him die was more than a little cathartic. I got to watch the light fade from his eyes and watch him disappear from this world, but at the same time. He remains here. Like a fucking spectre. 

It hasn’t gotten any better though. He’s dead. Good. He won’t hurt anyone else, but my life didn’t improve in any way. I stand on the brink of losing what little I do have. I don’t even know where I am sending this. I don’t even know if I should send this anywhere. I want help, but WHO do I reach out to. How do I FIND help? Does anyone even care? Is just gonna be more “Oh that sucks but it will get better” even if I do talk to someone. 

And I am so damn tired. I am so terrified. I just want to FOR ONCE have peace.